#But for. years already. whenever I hear the song my head goes

[thunderboltfire]

You know that situation when you see a fan video once and it forever engrains in your understanding of a song?

[moonlit-stay]

Kinktober 2024 ▪ Day 2

▪ Pairing: Lee Minho x Female Reader

▪ Kink: Bath Sex

▪ Genre: Smut

▪ Word Count: 2.2k

▪ Warnings: Soft!Dom Minho, Sub!Fem Reader, established relationship, teasing, dirty talk, sex in a bath tub, unprotected sex, creampie

▪ Other Warnings: tiny mention of being in a crowded place in the beginning, mentions and consumption of food

▪ Please let me know if I missed anything

Color(s) Of This Fic: Heather Grey, Sky Blue, and Basil Green <3

If you are under the age of 18, please do not interact with this fic. This fic contains inappropriate content and is strictly 18+

Everything in not only this event, but all of my work in general is consensual. Even if not stated within the work.

Enjoy :)

The sun's brutal rays beam down onto your delicate skin, and you let out a huff as Minho's grip on your hand only tightens as he guides you through the crowd of people that flood the busy street.

To Minho, it doesn't matter how hot it is, there is no way he's going to lose you in this herd of people. So, to help ease his nerves, he insists on holding your hand despite all your protests.

The first time you try to slip your hand out of his grasp, he simply stops in his tracks for no longer than 10 seconds, just to turn around and look at you.

"No, thank you." He simply states with a shake of his head. You can't help the loud cackle that claws its way out of your mouth, earning you a few glances from random people passing by as Minho only smirks.

The second and final time you try to break away from him, he stops again, this time with a sigh. "I don't wanna risk losing you, baby." He calmly explains, pressing his lips together in a way that tells you he's serious, but he wants to be gentle about it.

"Okay..." You sigh out in response, opting to try and keep up with his walking pace.

"Besides," he starts, lightly nudging your shoulder when you come to walk next to him, "we're almost there."

You and Minho were friends for a few years prior to being in a relationship, so you're no stranger to the fact that he goes on trips with some of his close friends whenever their schedules allow. However, this is the first time you've ever come along on one of said trips.

Originally, it was a trip meant for him and his close friends, just like always, but he insisted that you come along this time. You immediately declined, not wanting to get in the way of the rare time he has to spend with his friends, but he refused to hear such nonsense coming from your pretty mouth. He simply told you to pack accordingly in a sing-song voice as he walked out of your room, leaving you no room to argue with him.

He just didn't feel right choosing his friends over you when he doesn't get to see you anymore than he gets to see his friends, so he opted to have the best of both worlds.

Now, here you are, putting all your trust in Minho to get you both to the restaurant that him and his friends picked out on the way here in one piece. You could only hope that his two friends aren't already there waiting for you and Minho while you two struggle to find the place.

"There it is!" Minho hollers, immediately walking you both towards the entrance.

Much to both your surprise and relief, you make it to the restaurant only a minute or two after his friends, and you let out an audible sigh at the realization.

The four of you are quickly seated for your meals, soon enjoying the highly anticipated food as you all discuss what you should do the following day. After plans are made and meals are finished, all four of you walk back to your Airbnb together.

When you get close enough, Minho's friends decide to race to the Airbnb, making a joke about how an activity such as this is not lovebird friendly. You and Minho chuckle in response, hearing the two begin arguing before they even make it to the front door.

"I wanna shower first!" You hear one of them yell out the second you and Minho walk through the door of the Airbnb.

"No! I already called it!" His other friend replies just as loud.

"If it's such a big deal, why don't you two shower together?" Minho calls out to them, a straight face accompanying his words.

You chuckle at his solution, noticing how it manages to stop the arguing in a matter of seconds as they quickly agree on who gets to shower first.

"You're an impressive man, Lee Minho." You laugh when you hear the bathroom door close, hearing him laugh with you in response.

"Hey, it worked." He replies, holding his hands up in defense.

The rest of the night goes by calmly. You and Minho decide to watch a movie while you both wait for his friends to finish washing up, and by the time the movie is over, both his friends are already fast asleep.

"You wanna shower first?" Minho quietly asks you, watching as you shake your head in response.

"No, I wanna take a bath." You reply just as quiet, taking his hand when he offers it to you to help you up.

"Okay, you take a bath, and I'll take a shower."

You nod in agreement, a small smile pulling at your features as you and Minho walk into the bathroom together. You close and lock the door behind you as Minho starts the water for your bath, smirking at the sound of the lock clicking into place.

His smirk doesn't go unnoticed by you, all too familiar with him and all his little antics, but you choose to ignore it, nonetheless.

You look over at Minho, noticing him already staring at you as he waits for the tub to fill up. You take this moment to let your eyes trace over all his facial features. His beautiful bare skin, his soft, pillowy lips that slightly curl upward at the corners as he fights the urge to shy away from your gaze, the way some of his soft strands of hair fall to perfectly frame his face, and lastly, his beautiful brown eyes.

When you finally lock eyes with the man, you can see the slight glint of mischief that stares back at you, watching as his eyes slowly rake down your form.

"Stop that." You lightly scold, watching a smile bloom across his features.

"Stop what?" He asks with a smile, slowly moving his eyes back up your body until he's looking into your eyes again.

"Looking at me like that." You state, crossing your arms over your chest and tilting your head to the side as you eye him down. "You're undressing me with your eyes."

"Would you rather me use my hands?"

Your eyes go wide at his words, watching as he moves from his spot next to the tub to make his way over to you.

"I've done it before, and I'd be more than happy to do it again if that's what you want?"

"Behave yourself, Lee Minho." You tell him, your voice stern as you move to place a hand on his chest, keeping him a few inches away from you. "Your friends are right outside that door."

"They're heavy sleepers, baby." He simply states, gently grabbing the wrist of your hand that's placed on his chest and moving it to your side before he lets his hands grip at your hips. "Can even let the shower run to drown out all your pretty noises."

"Min..." You softly sigh out, feeling your resolve crumble with every passing second.

You feel Minho pull you flush against him by his grip on your hips, and you let out a soft gasp at the action. He presses a kiss to your lips before moving to trail his kisses down to your neck.

"C'mon, baby." He whispers against your soft skin, kissing up your neck until he's hovering by your ear. "You know I'll make you feel so good, pretty."

"Please?" You whisper out, feeling Minho smirk against you before he pulls away from you.

You watch as he quickly turns on the shower, letting the sound of the water hitting the tile walls echo through the bathroom before he turns off the water for the tub. You both quickly discard your clothes, tossing them into a pile that one of you would pick up later. Minho steps into the tub first, hurriedly sitting down and letting his back rest against the wall of the tub.

Once he's settled, he holds a hand out to you, guiding you to stand facing him. He looks up at you, his hands coming to grip at both of your thighs as he presses a kiss to your lower stomach, directly above your mound. You feel your knees grow weak, and he's quick to carefully pull you down to straddle him.

With the way you're positioned on top of him, you can feel his hard length rest between your thighs, and you move your hips from side to side until he's pressed directly between your folds.

"Fuck-" you sigh out, your hips jolting at the feeling of him nestled against your entrance.

"Sensitive, pretty?" Minho quietly asks, watching you nod as your eyes fall closed. "What would happen if I..." he trails off, shifting his hips until he feels his tip press against your entrance.

You jolt once again, effectively pushing the very tip of his length past your entrance. A moan slips past your lips, and you're quick to press your hand over your mouth. Minho then brings his thumb to your clit, rubbing harsh circles into the bud as he watches your eyes roll back.

"Min-" you gasp out, hearing him hum in response as he pushes the entirety of his tip inside you with a groan. "Please!"

"You're awfully needy for someone who was asking me to stop just a few minutes ago, baby." You let out a whine in response, clenching around him when you feel his hands grip at your waist to hold you to hover over him. "Go ahead, sit on it for me, pretty."

You swiftly sink down on his cock, taking every inch of him as your thighs shake at the feeling of him finally stretching you out.

Minho is a man of great patience, so even though he wants nothing more than to pull you against his chest and thrust deep inside you until you both cum, he calmly waits for you to adjust to his size.

You bring your hands to grip at Minho's shoulders, lifting your hips until just his tip is pressed inside you before you drop your hips to meet his. You both let out a moan in unison, and you quickly bounce on Minho's cock, chasing the pleasure that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head and your mouth agape.

"God, slow down, baby." Minho moans out, feeling you clench around him when he moans again.

Water splashes with each of your movements, occasionally spilling over the side of the tub and onto the tiled floor.

"M'sorry, just need it so bad." You whimper out, your pace faltering when the ache in your thighs finally processes in your brain.

"I'll give it to you, baby, it's okay." He soothes when you collapse against his chest, your hips involuntarily rolling against his.

Reluctantly, he pulls you off his cock, quickly shushing your cries as he turns you around, letting your upper body drape over the side of the tub. He repositions himself behind you, pushing back into you with one harsh thrust of his hips. A loud moan tears from your throat and Minho is quick to pull you up until your back is flush against his chest, pressing a hand over your mouth as he pounds into you from behind.

Your head falls back against Minho's shoulder, moans spilling continuously from your lips as your eyes screw shut. Your mind can't focus on anything other than the way Minho feels inside you and the way his warm, wet skin feels against yours. You feel him everywhere, and yet somehow, it's not enough.

"Just what my baby needs, hm?" Minho breathes out, feeling you clench around him. "Yea, but I bet you'd like it more if you could feel me right here."

You feel him angle his hips just slightly upward before thrusting into you again, his tip pressing right against that gummy spot inside you that has you almost screaming. He feels your walls throb around him, and he buries his head into the crook of your neck to quiet his own moans.

"There it is," he sighs out, feeling your thighs shake against his own as you both near your highs. "Just need you to cum for me, pretty."

He knows the knot in the pit of your stomach is seconds away from unraveling, and to help you get there, his hand slips between your wet thighs, reconnecting with your clit once again to push you over the edge.

That's all it takes for you to cum around him, toes curling, eyes rolling back, and mouth agape as your walls pulse around his throbbing cock. He thrusts into you a few more times before he stills inside you, coating your walls in his release.

He carefully sits back in the tub, pulling you to rest against him as you both fight to catch your breaths. Minho's hands gently knead at your waist, grounding you as your breathing slowly evens out again.

"We might need that shower now." Minho quietly states, watching the steam dance through the room as the shower still runs.

You chuckle in response, glancing at all the water that sparkles in the light on the floor.

"Only if you can keep your hands to yourself."

You feel him carefully pull out of you, a cry tearing past your lips at the sensitivity and feeling of emptiness that immediately takes his place. He quietly shushes you, apologizing as he desperately tries to ignore his cum dripping from your cunt, inevitably failing in the end.

"No promises, pretty."

Main Masterlist

Kinktober 2024 Masterlist

▪ Author's Note

This day is HEAVILY inspired by Min's vlogs, truly cannot get enough of him in domestic settings😩

For this work in particular, Lee Know Log 7 and 10😵😵

▪ Taglist

@kpophubb @whatudowhennooneseesyou @skzgallll

Send me a DM or ask to be added to the taglist

▪ Extras

©All rights are reserved to Moonlit-Stay. Stealing, reposting, copying, translating, plagiarizing, and modifying any and all of my work is strictly prohibited.

Released: October 2nd, 2024

Reblogs are greatly appreciated !

[berberriescorner]

Rio taking y/n out on a date night while the kids are at his grandmothers for valentines. And coming home to flowers on the bed & [dream gift]. giving you a night you’ll never forget 💓

Oh, hell yes! I'm going to enjoy this one. My mind is already playing it out😆. Buckle up cause I got quite a bit to say for this one. I know...when don't I have a lot to say? In other words, I apologize in advance for the lengthiness😆. **whispers** This is an HC that morphed into a fic😏.

Anywho, here it goes. Hope y'all enjoy drawn-out sexual tension👀😈. It took everything in me to not make a mood board for this😂.

P.S. I would’ve posted this earlier, but this was a bit too spicy to post on the Lord's Day😆. I'm side-eyeing y'all sneaking in these lowkey headcanon requests. I've been spoiling my sweet lovelies lately😜♥️. Tagging some lovelies at the end💓.

Song Inspo:

Valentine's Day is doubly the celebration for you and your hubby. Rio is all about giving his wifey the world. He wasn’t surprised when you suggested the two of you get married on said day. Now, here the two of you were, eight years (yes, your firstborn was four at the time) and four kids later, celebrating your tenth anniversary on the day of love. Rio always did his best to make sure Valentine’s Day was special.

You had been sleeping peacefully when your eyes fluttered open, and a soft moan slipped from your lips. Not wanting to make any noises to awaken the children, you tucked your bottom lip between clenched teeth. Your digits slipped under the comforter, sliding down your body and landing on Rio’s head.

It’s what my ass gets for always sleeping in the nude. Hubby can just dive in whenever he gets good and ready.

A muffled “Morning baby” sounded below the covers. His tongue slid up your sex, circling the bundle of nerves. Rocking your hips against Rio, he sucked harder. Head tilting back, you could feel the erotic moan about to release. You covered your mouth, trying to remain quiet. Releasing your pearl, Rio inserted two fingers inside you, scissoring. His other hand snaked its way from under the sheets snatching your hand away from your mouth. His fingers sped inside you as he rasped, “Let me hear you, mama. The munchkins are with your momma. Scream for me, baby.”

The speed of his movements increased more as his lips curled around your bud again. Your legs started to tremble as you cried out for him.

“Shit! Rio!”

His head pulled away once more as his digits stilled inside you. You whined at the loss of his lips and his hand.

“Now you know that’s not what I want to hear, mama. What’s my name?”

Three of his fingers swiped back and forth across your ball of nerves rapidly. Eyes rolling backward, your head tilted back as your mouth fell open.

“Damn it, Rio. Daddy!”

His mouth attached to you again as he growled against your sex.

“There you go, mama.”

Rio swirled and dipped his tongue continually. It was only a matter of minutes before he pulled an orgasm from your writhing body. Licking you clean, he trailed kisses inside your thighs and up your torso. His lips found yours, kissing you hungrily. His pelvis ground against you as your thighs spread wider. The fact that he was still wearing underwear made you pout.

“I need you inside me,” you whined.

“Sorry, mama. That’s going to have to wait.”

You kissed your teeth as he chuckled. You grabbed at the waistband of his boxer briefs as his eyebrow quirked, lip tucked between his teeth. Just as your hand slid beneath it, Rio removed it, wrapping his other hand around your throat.

“You know better. Behave, mama.”

“Why can’t I have you now,” you continued to whine.

“Don’t be a brat. You gon’ get all this work, but not until tonight, darlin’.”

“Cocky ass.”

“Get your bratty ass up. I got a surprise for you, wifey.”

“Unless the surprise is: you rearranging my guts, I’m not interested,” you sassed.

“Mama,” Rio warned.

“Fine. I just find it funny you get pussy when you want it, but I have to wait for the dick.”

Rio ran his hand down his face and took a deep breath. His eyes slowly opened, fixing you with that familiar stare. The one that usually kept you in check. Rolling your eyes playfully, you slipped out of bed, wrapping up in a silk robe. He held the bedroom door open for you, slapping your behind as you stepped out into the hallway.

“If you’re not going to fuck me, keep your hands to yourself.”

“Now, had I done that, your ass would've pitched a fit, asking if I didn’t love you anymore? Dramatic ass. Just go to the damn kitchen, mama,” he retorted.

His hands grabbed your waist, leading you to the destination. Rio hugged you from behind as you smiled at the breakfast he had set out for the two of you. Spinning in his arms, you wrapped them around his neck. Standing on your toes, you reached up, pecking his lips.

“Thank you, papa.”

Rio smirked, grabbing a handful of your backside. He kissed you back. Guiding you to the table, he pulled out your chair. The two of you sat in silence, enjoying your food. He could see that you had something on your mind.

“Why the sad face, mama?”

“I didn’t get to tell my babies Happy Valentine’s Day before they left out.”

Chuckling at how dramatic you could be, Rio responded, “They are with your mama now, but they’ll be with my grandma tonight. Mom’s bringing them back to pick up their overnight bags and give you the special present they made for Mommy. She’ll drop them off to my grandmother.”

The smile that stretched across your face put one on Rio’s.

“Dramatic ass. Nana and I decided it would be nice for just the two of us to have breakfast. Do you honestly think the three of us would have you go a day without spoiling our babies? ”

“No,” you answered, smiling shyly.

“Why do you always have to be so damn cute, mama? It’s getting harder for me to keep from bending you over this kitchen table.”

“Do it then-.”

“I’ve planned the day for you, darlin’. Just think of it as foreplay.”

“You did that shit on purpose. We’ll see who’s begging who by the end of the night.”

“Mama, you know you can’t hold out. Now do me a favor. Go shower and get ready for the day. I’m taking my wife shopping. Then lunch, and after that, I’m dropping you off.  I scheduled a hair and nail appointment for you. We have dinner reservations tonight,” he finished, leaning in and rubbing his thumb across your chin.

You sprang from your seat, going over to straddle your husband. His hands rubbed your sides as you kissed his neck.

“You cleared your schedule for today,” you asked excitedly.

“It’s Valentine’s Day and our eighth anniversary. Of course, I did, darlin’. Yeah, I was busy last year, but I still made the night special,” he smiled cockily.

“Yes, it resulted in yet another pregnancy scare.”

“Who was scared? Not me. Missed my shot that time, but I knocked that pussy out the frame the next.”

“Only cause I begged you for a son,” you boasted.

Rio pinched your ass, “Go get ready.”

“Ow! Rio, stop,” you chastised him, hopping off his lap.

Bending down, you kissed his cheek, thanking him for everything he did.

“I can’t believe you scheduled appointments for me, baby. That’s the cutest, sweetest shit ever.”

“Keep that between us, mama. I don’t need any of these weak ass bitches questioning my street cred,” he joked.

“Secrets safe with me, papa.”

“Gimme another fuckin’ kiss,” he demanded, holding your chin.

Rio stole some kisses and released your face, watching your butt jiggle as you walked away. You made your way to the bedroom, hopping in the shower. Not even five minutes after stepping under the steaming water, you felt Rio’s arms wrap around your waist. His lips ghosted your shoulder as his lower appendage pressed against you. He came close to kissing your shoulder as his arm reached around to pluck his body wash from the shelf.

“You don’t mind me joining you? Do you, mama?” whispered in your ear as he started washing himself.

“Not at all. I know what you’re trying to do, Rio. You almost had me, but I’ll ignore that little stunt you tried to pull. You ass,” you grumbled, hiding a smile.

Helping each other wash the hard-to-reach places. You did your best to keep your hands to yourselves. The sexual tension was high as the both of you dried one another. Wanting Rio to suffer just as much, you chose a skin-tight sundress for the day’s activities. This particular dress happened to be Rio’s personal favorite. It clung to every curve of your body and had slender straps. It perfectly accentuated both your breast and butt.

“You trying to put everything on display today, mama?”

“I thought this was your favorite? I just wanted to make you happy, Daddy,” you replied with a faux pout.

“Yeah, that’s why you wore it. Bring your sexy ass on,” Rio teased, pulling your hand into his and dragging you out the door.

The two of you enjoyed a few hours of shopping and lunch. To your surprise, Rio had rented out a private room in the restaurant for the two of you. He spent what time he should’ve been eating, leaving light kisses here and there. The more time you two spent together, the thicker the sexual tension grew for the pair of you.

“Eat your food, babe,” you playfully teased.

“I’d rather eat you,” he smirked as his hand rubbed and squeezed your thigh under the table.

“Rio, stop. I’m not giving in.”

“You want to, though. Don’t you, mama,” he questioned. “It’s a shame this goes down to your ankles. I’d love to get my hand on or inside your panties,” he finished with a nip to your chin.

“Now you’re starting to piss me off.”

“Are you pissed off or horny, darlin’?”

“Both,” you groaned through clenched teeth as you snatched his hand from your thigh.

Rio’s hand circled your throat, “Don’t fight me, mama. It’s only going to make things worse,” he growled, licking and biting your chin once more.

Clearing your throat and inhaling a deep breath, you checked the time. You exhaled, thankful it was time to head to your hair and nail appointment. Both salons were only a few spaces down from one another. Rio pulled up in front of the nail salon. Grasping your chin softly, he pulled you into a slow and demanding kiss. Your eyes fluttered open as he ended it.

“Both bills have already been taken care of. Tip included. I need to handle some things. Mick will be here in about five. He’ll drive you back to the house when you get done. Stay safe. Love you, mama.”

“Love you too, papa. Stay dangerous.”

“Always, my little rider,” he licked his lips.

His eyes raked over your curves as you stood to close the passenger door. Appreciating his penetrating gaze, you leaned into the window. You stretched your neck for one last kiss. Rio groaned his tongue, tracing his bottom lip, grabbing himself outside his jeans.

“Wait until tonight. You’re going to pay for wearing that dress, darlin'. I’m about to go deep sea diving tonight,” Rio teased, eyes darkening. 

You giggled, backing away from the vehicle. Spinning on your heels, you switched your way down the sidewalk. Rio crept beside you, catcalling out the window, “Excuse me, miss? Aye, sundress!”

You turned, walking backward while laughing and rolling your eyes.

“Where’s your husband at, mama? You too fine to be wandering the streets by yourself.”

“Boy, stop. My baby father will spin you.”

“Yeah, alright. You better stop playing out here. I’ll see you back at the house, darlin’.”

You had tried to phone your mother to check in on the kids.  She let you know things were going smoothly and quickly ended the call. While under the dryer, you texted Rio, but he was short and to the point. You felt slightly offended that everyone was rushing off the phone. Girl, get a grip. Everybody is doing their own thing right now. Don’t take it personally. I’m dramatic as hell. Brushing the feeling of neglect away, you enjoyed the rest of the pampering process.

By the time you and Mick had pulled into your driveway, exhaustion had settled in. You didn’t see Rio’s car parked in the driveway. A little bummed, you shook it off. He better not miss the dinner reservation. I could go for a nap anyway. Walking into the house, you placed your keys and handbag on the console table. You pulled out your phone while kicking your sandals off and placing them on the shoe rack. Climbing the stairs, you headed toward your bedroom to take a quick nap. Creeping toward your bedroom door, you started to phone Rio, but you heard little giggles from the master suite. A grin fell over your face as you softly pushed the door open. There were all the faces you wanted to see most. Rio was tickling the baby girl, and the two oldest girls were arguing over who was to make their baby brother’s bottle. They hadn’t noticed you standing at the entrance. Rio was about to break up the argument, but you stepped in. 

“One of you go make the bottle, and the other can feed him. For someone who complained about the many siblings they have, you sure do like taking control of responsibilities for the little one,” you teased your oldest.

They all looked up at you in surprise. Rio’s eyes scanned your body for the millionth time that day.

“Hey, mama.”

“MOMMY!”

All three girls jumped up from the bed, rushing you. Little arms circle your body from different directions. Wiggling your arms free, they continued to hug around your waist as you kissed each of their foreheads.

“I missed my babies! Were you good for Nana?”

“Yes, ma’am,” they answered in unison once more.

“That’s my babies.”

Those lips that always made you tingle brushed your cheek softly. The girls gave their father some space to get to you as he stole a quick kiss, handing the little man over.

“I’ve heard the words, ‘When is mommy coming?’ At least twenty times in that last ten minutes. Mom went home to check on your pops for a little bit. She’ll be back to take them over to their great grandma’s. I get the feeling those two women are up to something,” Rio teased.

“Daddy, can we do it now?”

“Yes, little mama. Follow them, baby.”

Not having time to ask questions, Three pairs of hands tugged you downstairs.

“Girls, slow down a bit. You’re giving the poor baby whiplash.”

Your son paid it no mind, bouncing and giggling in your arms. Rio followed behind, loving how excited your children were. The entire crew shuffled into the living room. Your eyes scanned the many valentines cards, flowers, and gift boxes on the coffee table. With watery eyes, you turned to your family.

“Is all of this for me?”

“Yes, Mommy. You gots lots of stuff.”

“It’s all for you, darlin’.”

“Well, momma. Go ahead and open some of your gifts. Read the cards we picked out for you,” your oldest chimed.

The middle baby reached for her baby brother as Rio held your hand, bringing you to the gifts. Wiping the tears that managed to spill, he chuckled, “ Don’t cry, mama. Come. Open.”

There were two bouquets of red roses and a card from each family member (baby included).

“Daddy helpeded us pick out our cards, Mommy.”

“He’s a sweet daddy, huh?”

“Da sweetest,” she shouted.

“Chill, little mama,” Rio laughed. “You turned my babies into mini fashionistas. These little rugrats even helped their pops pick out a few things. Daddy had the rest covered, though.”

The eldest child rolled her eyes as her little sisters giggled. Each card was sweet and displayed parts of each child’s personality. The baby’s card did you in. Rio had taken it upon himself to dab his chubby little feet in paint and stamped the card. The waterworks went off, and Rio kissed your tears away. You unwrapped two large boxes of chocolate, a few pairs of shoes, and two beautiful flowy dresses. It tickled you how excited the girls were to show which gift they picked out.

“Look, momma! The dress I picked out for you has pockets. Sissy’s does, too,” the eldest child said about the middle girl.

“I gots you da shoes, momma. Well, one is from me. The other I picked, but they from Bubba,” your baby girl cooed at her brother.

“I love all my gifts so much! Thank you, sweet babies,” you praised, kissing all your children.

Rio cleared his throat, “Alright, give momma kisses, and get washed up for grandma’s house. Your Nana will be here soon. Word on the street is she has pizza waiting on some badass little munchkins.”

“Daddy, you tussin’! No bad words.”

“Yes, ma’am. You got it, boss.”

Rio waited for the kids to leave the room before wrapping his arms around your waist. 

“Thank you for the roses, baby.”

“Anything for wifey. The kids got you the other vase.”

“They broke your pockets, huh?”

“Honestly, no. Those cute little divas wanted to pay for it themselves. I put in little man’s share. The little finesse princess shared some of her piggy bank money. The two oldest dipped into their savings and did some work for their grandmothers throughout the month.”

“You know I’m going to need receipts. I’m putting every last penny back where it came from.”

“No, ma’am. Your oldest knew you’d pull that shit. She instructed me to keep you from doing so.”

“That little girl thinks she’s grown,” you joked. 

“I may have a gift or two stashed somewhere.” His head dipped into the crook of your neck as he inhaled the scent of your perfume.

“Damn, you always smell good,” he groaned, sucking your neck as his left hand groped your breast.

“First off, the kids are here. Second, we’re waiting until tonight. Remember,” you mocked him.

“Them being around ain’t never stopped me before, mama. Keep playing with me. Your ass ain’t getting any sleep tonight.”

Getting the kids ready and out the door, you checked the clock and started freaking out.

“Damn, Rio. I still have to find something to wear, get dressed, and do my makeup.”

“You can’t do that in two hours?”

“Do you even know who you married,” you joked. “I guess I can do my best, but please don’t rush perfection.”

“Come on. We might as well shower together again.”

“Your ass just wants to see me naked,” you sassed as you walked into your bedroom.

The sarcasm faded and changed to shock.

“Baby, what’s this? I know that’s not the midi dress from House of CB. The one I’ve kept talking myself out of buying.”

“Yes, it is. You’re going to look so fucking good in it, mama. Hope we make it through dinner,” he rasped, smacking your behind. “Come shower with me. Foreplay counts as giving in, huh?”

“I mean, you gave me head this morning. That didn’t count, so I don’t see why I can’t return the favor.”

The doorbell sounded, and you huffed, crossing your arms.

“Relax, mama. It’s just Mick doing me a favor. He’s just ringing the bell to let me know he’s here. He can let himself out. Now, about that head. You trying to give me some neck, mama?”

“‘Til my jaws lock,” you answered seductively.

He threw you over his shoulder, smacking your butt. You squealed and giggled as he carted you off to the shower. Rio didn’t expect you to suck the soul out of him. His legs nearly gave out as he snatched you from the shower floor.

“It’s taking every fiber within me not to pound that pussy into oblivion. Let’s get this damn dinner reservation over with.”

“Fuck the reservation. Let’s skip it altogether.”

“No, you need to eat. Trust me. You’ll need the energy.”

The shower had lasted much longer than anticipated. There was only an hour left for you to finish getting ready. Shimmying into the snug dress, you slipped your robe over it to rush through your makeup routine.

“Do me a favor real quick, baby. Can you run downstairs and grab me a bottle of water,” he asked, towel hanging dangerously low around his waist.

“Papa, I still have to do my makeup. Don’t you want to leave the house on time,” you questioned.

“Just real quick, mama.”

“Yeah, I got you, babe,” you huffed.

You sped down the steps and bounded into the kitchen. A screech tumbled from your lips as you came to a halt. Your hand flew to your chest, trying to soothe your erratic heartbeat. You scowled at your best friend, who was cackling at the fact that she startled you.

“Y/B/F/N, what the hell are you doing, hiding in my kitchen?”

“Bitch ain’t nobody lurking in this damn kitchen. Your baby daddy requested my services,” she responded as her hand pointed to her makeshift makeup station. I tried to give my brother-in-law a discount, but he insisted he’d pay double. Love that for me,” she shrugged. “Sit yo ass down. I need to hurry up and beat that face beautiful face. If you two spent less time fucking, we wouldn’t have to rush. Nasty asses.

“Bitch, hush and do my damn makeup. Wasn’t nobody fucking.”

It was true, to an extent. I just sucked that man dry.

Rio swaggered into the kitchen, fastening his watch as you sat at the island, getting your makeup done and hair refreshed. He had finished getting ready. Rio wore a dark button-up, pants, and designer kicks. All black, just the way you both liked. His cologne wafted in the air, making you want to jump his bones. It was almost painful how hard you were biting your lip. Eyes roaming from head to toe. His brown orbs found yours as he walked over. Rio’s thumb tugged your bottom lip free as he suckled at it.

“You like your surprise, mama? I never did get that water,” he teased.

“Yes, I do. Thank you times a million, baby.”

“Unh-uh! Don’t mess up her lip combo. Here you go smudging up my work of art. Rude ass,” your friend joked. She jerked your head in her direction as she finished retouching your hair. “Stop eye fucking that poor man, sis. He’s not going anywhere. Damn.”

“Now look, don’t be salty because your ass is in a two-year drought.”

“It’s called celibacy, bitch,” she laughed. “Your damn hair’s finished. You and hubby need to get going. I’ll clean and lock up. Love you, boo.” Saying goodbyes to one another, she turned to do her and Rio’s annoying ass handshake. “You need to put me on one of your balling-ass associates. I’m trying to be a wifey like my good sis,” she sassed.

“You’re my sis and all, but you not built for this life. Little trigger finger over there can handle it,” Rio chuckled.

“True, her little thugged-out ass is always ready to ride. How can someone so prissy be so vicious? Anyway, you two go on. You have fifteen minutes to leave the house.”

“Shit! I don’t even have my shoes, accessories, or clutch.”

You turned to race to the bedroom, but Rio gently grasped your arm.

“Chill, mama. It’s all right here.”

He bent forward, allowing you to balance one hand on his back as he slipped on the golden strappy-heeled sandals. Buckling them for you, Rio trailed his hands back up your legs. He admired the knee-length rose-colored dress and how it hugged your hips. His tongue traced his lips as he took in the split that went up your thigh and how the plunging neckline had the girls on display.

“Clocks ticking, Daddy. We should get going,” you whispered.

Nodding his head, he took your hand, leading you to the black G-wagon parked in the garage. He made sure to help you inside, securing your seatbelt. Hustling over to the driver's side, he hopped in, and the two of you were off.

“Another private setting? Rio, baby. This place had to have been pretty pricey. It’s too much.”

He hugged your waist from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. His lips brushed against the shell of your ear.

“Nothing’s too much for you, darlin’. Don’t you know I’d give you the world,” Rio murmured, sucking your earlobe. “The quicker we eat, the faster I can get you out of this dress.”

At that moment, a rumble sounded in your stomach.

“Let’s get you fed.”

“I’d rather eat something else.”

“Mama,” Rio pleaded. “You’re killing me.”

Being the only occupants of the restaurant, you were instantly seated, orders following. With no one around, the two of you continued the game of cat and mouse. Slight touches here and there grew into groping one another. Somehow you had made it from your seat to Rio’s lap. One hand toying with the slit of your dress, and the other wrapped firmly around your neck.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, sweetheart,” he groaned as your backside pressed against his lap, grinding.

“I’m just readjusting, Daddy.”

His sarcastic chuckle echoed inside the empty restaurant.

“Right. Of course, you are.”

His hand stopped playing with your slit, creeping under the hem. Rio’s warm muscular fingers made contact with your bare, sticky folds. His eyes darkened as the hand around your neck tightened. Closing them tight, he growled lowly. A whimper danced along your lips as his pointer and middle finger swiped at you, stopping at your nub and circling it slowly. Rio’s digits trailed back down, sliding into your entrance leisurely. He kept the pace excruciatingly slow, and your hips bucked, trying to get him to go faster.

“Rio, I’m begging you. Please, speed it up, baby.”

He didn’t oblige and went even slower. Your hand circled his wrist, and his hand tightened around your throat. Rio growled, “No. Take it or fucking leave it. That’s all your ass is getting right now.”

Rio continued to play with you as you panted. The more you whined and begged, the slower he went.  He relented somewhat as his thumb danced around your clit, adding a bit of pressure. Slowly, you began to climb toward a release. He felt your muscles tighten around his fingers. Rio smirked as the waiter returned with your dinner. You nearly lost your mind and self-control as Rio’s hand slipped from under your dress.

“Time to eat,” Rio announced.

“I’ll say,” you shot back, plopping back into your seat. “Chill with that cocky ass grin. I’m frustrated enough.”

Rio leaned toward you, “Feel free to submit, sweetheart. This here is a private show. I’ll gladly lay you across this table. If I were you, I’d fill up. Keep thinking this is a game. You really will need your strength tonight,” he finished slicing a piece of his steak, offering it to you. Glossy lips wrapped around his fork as an x-rated moan slipped from your mouth.

Rio chuckled, nodding to himself. “I’m falling in that pussy tonight. Hurry up and finish your food,” he demanded, devouring his own.

It had only been twenty minutes when you two pushed away empty plates. The waiter smiled as you both said no to dessert in unison. Handling the tab and leaving a generous tip, Rio practically dragged you to the front, where the valet had the car waiting. Tipping him, your handsome husband helped you into the passenger side. You kept your hands in your lap clasped, trying to fight the urge to touch him. He sped home, picking you up and carrying you in the house, straight to the bedroom. 

Even with your lips locked in a heated kiss, Rio managed to carry you up the stairs and into the room. Kicking the door closed, he placed you back on your feet and spun you around to take in the surroundings. You gasped at the beautiful setup.

“How,” you questioned him in shock. Pausing a moment, you continued, “Y/B/F/N?” Rio smiled mischievously, nodding his head yes. “No wonder she was adamant about locking up after us. Not you and my sis in cahoots the entire night.”

Your eyes watered as you took in the scene. Rose petals covered the bed and floor, with the lights turned low. At the foot of the bed were two different boxes. One package was black with white lettering, and the other white with gold lettering. She also took the liberty of laying out a fancy lingerie set.

“Respectfully, I won’t be needing the set tonight. Not to sound too harsh, but I’m trying to get knocked down tonight.”

“Open your gifts,” he laughed.

A devilish grin painted your features as you removed the lid from the white box. Inside was a new silk robe. As you pulled it out, you noticed it was black, lace, and see-through. Little left to the imagination. “I’m guessing you picked this out?” Rio’s eyebrows raised in confirmation. 

“Just lay that across the bed. You’ll be needing it later. Look in the other box.”

You slid the white bow from around the black box. The lettering on the bow took you by surprise. “Rio! Chanel? Stop playing,” Your hands hurriedly lifted the lid off, tearing through the tissue paper. 

“No, you did not!”

“I did, mama.”

Your lip trembled, “Rio, I’m speechless. I can’t believe you got me the bag I’ve been obsessing over for months. I can’t believe you bought this for me. Your ass be paying attention.” You raced to a smiling Rio and leaped into his arms, landing kisses all over his face. 

“Thank you, baby. You outdid yourself this year. How can I ever repay you, baby?” 

He held you close, staring at you lovingly. Rio tucked a wand curl behind your ear, placing you back on your feet.

“Every gift was well deserved. Eight years is a long time. You held me down in so many ways. I’ve lost count. You’ve been rocking with me for over a decade and some change. You brought my first baby girl into this world before I married you. As long as we were together, that’s all that mattered. You’ve played so many different roles in my life. Outside of being my wife, you’ve been my lady, lover, baby mother, partner in crime, and in some cases, my little shooter. You stayed down anytime I got into some shit and had to finesse my way out of a messy situation. Your fine ass took care of the money, hired the lawyers, and helped out with my son when I couldn’t be there. You bonded and formed a friendship, an alliance with my ex-wife. You help her with Marcus, and she takes our kids with her helping you get a break. You never passed judgment or grew tired of me and walked away. It takes a strong woman to accept and endure what comes with this lifestyle. We’re for life, mama. You deserve all this shit and more. I love you.”

“I don’t know whether I want to cry or suck you up. When you say all those sweet and beautiful words, I can’t decide between wanting to be a crybaby or begging you to slut me out.”

“You’ve cried enough today, mama. Choose the second option.”

Rio tossed you on the bed, spreading your legs. His fingers found themselves buried in your heat once more. Pumping in and out of your dripping canal, he smiled as he watched you tremble. Hands pulling at the bedding, a litany of moans and whimpers came from your lips.

“Enough of all this damn foreplay. I give in. Please, I desperately need you inside me.”

“That’s what you want?”

“Yes, Daddy. Fuck me as if you hate me,” you purred.

“And you wonder why we have so many kids. You say freaky shit like that. What do you expect,” he questioned.

Rio made haste with his zipper as he pushed his pants and briefs low enough to free himself.  Your body moved further up the bed, allowing him to join you. Rio placed his hands on the back of your thighs. Pushing backward, you felt him press your knees to your shoulders. 

His thick member dipped inside you. Rio slid until you were full, taking pride in the erotic sounds echoing throughout the bedroom. He pumped into you at a fast pace. 

“Wait, let me take this dress off. I’ll be pissed if this dress tears.”

One swift move had your husband yanking the dress off. He stripped bare, climbing back between your thighs. He placed your legs over his shoulders, thrusting back into your valley. No longer able to fight his carnal desires, Rio pounded into your soft flesh. Dropping your legs down, he flipped onto his back, forcing you to straddle him. He loved watching your body bounce as you cried his name. Exhaustion settled in, and Rio took over. Impaling you on his rod, he pinned you to his lap, thrusting from below. Crying into the crook of his neck, you begged him for permission to come.

“You close, baby? It’s okay. Go on, mama, come for me. I know you’re overstimulated-grab the headboard. Yeah, just like that. Fuck.”

Rio continued to pound away as he littered your breast with kisses. His hands gripped your cheeks as he drove you toward the brink. Your hands held tight to the headboard as you mewled, tears still streaming.

“Christoper, I don’t know if I can-.”

“Shhh, mama. You can take it. I know you can. Be my good girl. Can you do that, darlin’? Answer me,” he encouraged, giving a light smack to your backside.

“Ye-yes, Daddy. So close. Baby!”

“Yeah, that’s my girl,” he praised, giving powerful strokes.

Rio’s hand crept between the two of you. He circled your sensitive bud, giving it a slight pinch. That was enough to send you over the edge. Your body shook as you screamed his name. Rio pulled your arms from the headboard, wrapping them around his neck. His thrusts slowed, giving you time to recover.

“You good,” he questioned.

He chuckled at the faint “mmhmm” as you leaned against him, trying to catch your breath. His hand stroked your back, leaving light kisses on your shoulder. As you shifted in his lap, he twitched inside your warm heat. Rio groaned, and you knew he was struggling. He wanted to give you time to recover. The thought only made you crave him all over again. Your hips moved in a circular motion, pulling him deeper.

“Fu-. Shit, just like that. Ride that dick, mama.”

Your hands pressed against his chest, laying him back. You bent forward, bodies creating friction, as your lips tangled with his, riding him hard. Rio’s hand massaged your soft globes, his head falling against the pillow as the veins in his neck pulsed. He switched between grabbing and slapping at your behind. The both of you panted as you drew closer to climax. In a strained voice, Rio groaned, “Can feel you squeezing me. Let go again, mama.”

You gladly granted his request, calling out his name, shaking like crazy. You laid on Rio’s chest, damn near lifeless, as he drove toward his release. One hand wrapped around the back of your neck while the other lifted you a bit. Rio sent several strong thrusts, grunting as he released inside you. The two of you held each other in silence, coming back down. When Rio finally spoke, you were half asleep as his lips brushed your forehead.

“Don’t go to sleep just yet.”

He rolled you onto your side of the bed, leaning toward his. You whined at the loss of contact.

“Come back. I’m cold, and I want cuddles,” you said with a pout.

“I’m not going anywhere. Give me a second, mama.”

Rio opened the top drawer of his nightstand, pulling out a smaller Chanel box. He rolled back over, curling his arm around you. He smirked at the shocked expression and handed it over.

“No more gifts, papa. You’ve spoiled me eno-.”

“Relax. Just open it,” Rio demanded, playfully biting your neck.

The box’s contents left you puzzled as your husband smiled at you.

“Thank you for the vintage keychain, baby. It’s adorable,” you beamed.

“Mama, pull it out of the box,” he insisted.

The keychain contained a silver key. Your eyes narrowed suspiciously, “What are you up to? What’s this key's purpose?”

“The family keeps growing. When we found out our baby boy was on the way. You started prepping and planning the nursery right away. Nearly drove me crazy trying to make space for him. I suggested turning my office or man cave into his nursery. You insisted we give him the glam room, or as I like to call it, your little hen house. Your bossy ass wouldn’t have it any other way. Those are just one of the selfless acts you’ve done for your family. Day in and day out, you do so much for us. We all owe you endless gratitude, mama. What better way to show appreciation than to buy my lady a bigger home? That house we drove passed the other day? I asked if you’d like to live in a neighborhood like that. Cribs all yours, darlin’.”

You tackled him with hugs and kisses. Rio’s back rested against the headboard as he pulled you between his legs. Arms around your waist, he held you close. You grew quiet, and Rio knew what you were thinking.

“Stop worrying about the money. You know that’s not an issue. I've been stacking bread and putting it aside for all of this. The plan had been in motion for months. You know I don’t play when it comes to money.”

“I know, but you spent so much.”

“Hey,” he grabbed your chin, tilting it in his direction. “You’re worth every penny and then some,” he whispered, stealing yet another kiss.

“I just feel bad. All I got you was a card and chocolates.”

“I told you not to get me anything. Your hard-headed ass.”

“Damn right! I can spoil you if I want. Speaking of gifts,” you purred as you wiggled loose from his hold.

Climbing out of bed, you slipped into the La Perla robe Rio bought. Your hips swayed over to your side of the closet. His eyes followed the entire time. Tossing a sneaky grin over your shoulder, you opened it up, plucking three boxes off the shelf. You crawled back into bed, snuggling into his side, placing each box in his lap.

“Happy anniversary and Valentine’s Day, papa.”

He shook his head, acting like he was upset. He reached for the slender black box first.

“No, baby. Save that one for last.”

“Your bossy ass,” he joked.

The medium-sized box contained two different sets of colognes. Rio licked his lips, appreciating that you knew his signature scents. He thanked you, giving your bottom lip a playful bite. Sitting them aside, he opened the second box.

“I’ve been putting money aside, too,” you explained, smiling shyly.

“Okay, wife! You laced your boy with a new Rolex. See what I mean? Selfless, thoughtful, and generous. I should’ve known you’d buy me gifts. Even though I specifically told you not to.”

“Open the last one,” you instructed, bouncing with excitement.

Rio pulled the slender box open, and his eyes grew wide. His head turned in your direction. Mouth hanging open, he looked at you in disbelief. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke.

“Mama? Stop playing with me. You for real,” he asked, eyes sparkling with excitement.

A fresh set of tears clouded your vision. You managed to nod your head yes. Rio’s eyes landed back on the pictures in his hand.

“Good thing you bought that house. You’re getting that sixth baby you’ve been going on about,” you joked. “You’re breaking the news to the kids. I have a feeling the baby boy knows. He’s been extra cuddly. Resting his head on my stomach too.”

“No wonder why you’ve been on me heavily. You've been clingy, more than usual. You were popping up at the warehouses, begging me to take you across my desk. Always trying to fuck in the car, and you pulled me in the dressing room the other day,  horny ass,” Rio teased.

“Says the man who was happy to dig me out. Miss me with that.”

“What can I say? Happy wife, happy life,” he responded, rubbing your stomach and kissing it.

“I know one damn thing. After this baby, we’re both getting fixed. You obviously can’t be trusted.”

Rio kissed his teeth, “I don’t know about all that,” he shrugged.

“I’m serious, Rio.”

“I hear you, mama,” he replied in a not-so-convincing tone.

No matter what he says, I’m getting my tubes tied after this one. I love my children, but mommy’s tired. No amount of persuasion is talking me out of this shit. He’s a smooth-talking sexy ass man, and I need to learn how to dodge that shit.

Rio’s hands dipped into your robe, distracting you from said topic.

“I think it’s about time for round two, mama.”

I’m going to be sore tomorrow. I love that for me.

Sending thanks to those who always rock with me and give great feedback. Please tap the love button, comment, and feel free to reblog lovelies🫶🏾.

Divider credit: @firefly-graphics

Tagging:

@darqchilddaydreamz , @rio-reid-whoreee , @sunshine-flower , @4everbrookemarie

@nightlywords7 , @amorestevens , @fineanddandy , @astoldbychae

@1andonlytashae , @alertyoulikeitsamber , @fkagoddess , @novaniskye

@withmyteeth , @minton1311 , @niaaalovesficton

[lil-quinnie]

I know who i want to take me home.

Modern!Rockstar!Eddie x f!bestfriend

part II

warnings: 18+

4k

Summary: That time where Eddie stood up for you and you never left his side again,

You've known Eddie since your 4th grade, when some girls were making fun of you for your dress or something stupid like that. Kids could be mean, that Eddie knew.

He'd been teased ever since he arrived in Hawkins a few years ago. When word got around that the kid's shaved hair was because he had head lice or was arrested, he vowed he'd never take that kind of shit in silence again, and so he did.

Eddie already considered himself the savior of the broken, the beats and the damaged.

From the day he threatened to throw mud on the girls' perfectly pressed clothes, you were never apart, ending that summer afternoon with him pushing you on the swing and you sharing ice cream while Eddie talked about how cool it was to live in a park trailer "There are always kids there to play with, you should go meet more friends" Eddie said in his childish squeal.

You were together when Eddie's father got out of prison and disappeared into the world "he better stay away anyway" Eddie had told you with his eyes on the ground, as he walked you back to your house kicking some rocks by the way. It was the first time you held his hand, giving it some squishes every now and then, you could see Eddie’s dimples every time his eyes landed on your holding hands.

You were together when you got your first guitar, realizing that music wasn't really one of your talents but was certainly one of Eddie's, giving your beloved guitar to your best friend, who trained every day and looked forward every Friday before Hellfire to show you some new music he had taught himself, and it wasn't long before he started showing you the songs he wrote.

“Ok…they are really good men, don’t get me wrong, but you are so in love with her that your song got a little…emotional??” Gareth had told the boy after hearing a new composition, rhythm and lyrics! Eddie froze at his friend's words, as if he had said the most secret words in the world "Dude, relax! It's just a song" he shrugged feigning a normalcy that clearly didn't exist, "yeah, sure...just a song" Gareth was smirking, his tone determined to get under the poor metalhead's skin.Eddie looked at the with no reaction, as if he had been caught doing something illegal, and among all the excuses he came up with at that moment, he said the lyrics weren't all about you, he swore to Gareth. “It’s about Chrissy, you know, the blond unreachable cheerleader who goes to our school?, ring any bell? butthead”. Gareth just rolled his eyes and nodded.

You were together when Eddie decided to grow his hair big! And you always supported him, even when his hair didn't look good at all. "You can wear my bandana if you want, it's very metal" you said and shrugged, handing the bandana to a pre-teen Eddie. You didn't want to admit that those little curls that fell across the boy's face did something to the inside of your stomach, which started to feel tight and hot whenever he was around. You couldn't take the feeling in your chest anymore every time your fingers passed through the boy’s hair, blowing a few strands out of his face whenever he played the guitar or tried unsuccessfully to roll a joint, the feeling was so much so that you decided to give him your bandana, explaining how it would help keep the hair out of his face. Eddie just nodded and listened carefully to everything you said. 

As soon as he dropped you off at home and you said your goodbyes, instead of lighting a cigarette and walking to the trailer like he did every other day, he preferred to take the walk holding the bandana tightly inside his jacket pocket as if it were the most precious treasure.

Eddie opened his front door in a hurry and as soon as he heard the lock click, he brought the bandana up to his nose, feeling the heady peach scent of your shampoo.

Eddie spent the rest of the night looking at himself in the mirror, trying to fix his headband in the most "metal" way possible, but he swore to Wayne it wasn't to impress you.

Now, a few years later, you were still there when they first called him a freak, you couldn't quite tell what was going through your best friend's mind.

Eddie was loud, he never stayed quiet when they made mean comments even less when it was one made by an idiot jock. But nothing came out of your best friend's half-open mouth. Eddie knew he had different tastes than most, pop music didn't suit his ear, he could play any kind of games if he wanted, with balls or not, but sports were only for Sunday afternoons when Wayne was off and they could spend some time together, but freak?! “Does she see me like that too?” Eddie's head was sinking into a spiral of shame and fear and you grew agonized by not being able to do anything, in a weak act he looked towards the back of the classroom, looking for you. 

You never forgot the look he gave you that day, the sad smile printed on his face, making your face burn with anger "Shut your mouth Jason, do n't you have to kiss your teammates ass or something?" you answered back in the middle of class, making everyone laugh. You got a pass straight to detention and a relieved whispered "thank you" from Eddie.

That was your relationship with Eddie, and even after all these years, nothing has changed! well, almost nothing. Eddie kept swearing and playing his undying love for Chrissy in every new song he played to you, always creating imaginary situations and acting out how he would play for her if he had the chance. Despite the bitter taste of jealousy running down your tongue, there's nowhere else in the world you'd rather be.

Sitting on Eddie's bed while he played a few chords and made some silly rhymes to get you a laugh, as the sun went down and you shared a well-rolled joint by Hawkins' newest drug dealer. At that point, you and Eddie were more than friends and the comfortable “family” feeling took over your relationship, even if something always seemed out of place. 

You followed all the corroded coffin shows and saw Eddie flirting with every type of groupie possible, which made you wonder if he had ever thought of you that way.

God! The kid didn't have a specific type, even with the male bartenders at Hideout you'd see him flirt, he flirted with literally anything but you.The boys gathered more and more people to watch their shows, the Hideout got smaller and smaller for their talent and charisma and you couldn't be more proud of your boy's accomplishments. But, "with great talent comes great responsibility", or whatever other nerdy shit you thought Eddie would tell you. That is, if he was on your side in the middle of the crowd of sweaty bodies that swayed in sync with his electric guitar chords. Still, no matter how pretty, nice, hot or smooth-talking the person Eddie was flirting with was, at the end of the night it was you he always took home, in the second-hand van Wayne got Eddie for his 17th birthday .

“Hey trouble” Eddie hugged you from behind as you got you both beer, you could feel his skin still wet with sweat and the smell of his cheap cologne invaded your nose “EDS” you hugged him tight still jumping with excitement “My god, you…you all did so well today, fuck it was amazing I'm so proud of you I mean the whole band, here” you handed over the bottle of beer and took a sip from yours to avoid saying something that would leave you still more like a fool. "Yeah, it was kind of good right?!"

Eddie was smiling proudly and scratching his head awkwardly as he saw your big bright eyes looking at him the way you were, he toasted you before just taking a sip of his beer "Come on, I'll get you home before it gets too late ” he said, putting his arms around your shoulders and walking with you to the exit. The drive to the parking lot was short and you couldn't answer all the good-byes people gave Eddie and Eddie's girl, you.

It was your first and very last senior year of high school, and finally Eddie was free from hell high school, you miss him there though.

You got your college acceptance letter, your family was in an uproar, lots of hugs and laughter but your heart was so tight, and you didn't know why. You could barely sleep at night thinking about what life would be like in another city, far from your family, your friends and him. You tried to disguise the dark circles under your eyes with a little makeup, thinking that drugstore concealer would hide all the dark aura that enveloped you that morning, but you should have known better.

You went downstairs as soon as you heard the noisy van turn off the engine, instead of waiting for Eddie to come in and have the daily cup of coffee with your mother and complain about your morning attitude, you took the snacks lovingly prepared by your mother, one for each of you and ran out the door, pulling Eddie along the way and dragging him back to the van “I'm late, no coffee today Munson”, you said in a dry tone, making the newly awakened boy just nod “yes ma'am ” he said getting behind the wheel.

The driveway was quiet and safe and you were comfortable until Eddie started peppering you with questions, you were overwhelmed and told your best friend about your leaving in a few weeks in the worst possible way. He didn't take it very well. "Are you going to leave me here, alone in this shithole?" your teary eyes irritated Eddie more than brought him to reality, it was your choice to leave for college, wasn't it?

The morning ended with you slamming the van door as hard as you could and Eddie skipping school and heading to the abandoned bank in the middle of the woods behind the football field. That day you chose to walk home alone rather than answer your friend who, even not entering the school, was waiting for you outside.Days passed and nothing from your best friend showed up, answered your calls or stopped running through the school corridors trying to avoid you like the plague. "He needs space now" was what Nancy repeated to you every time that happened. 

The week dragged on without the presence of your best friend. Now on Friday, Nancy and Robin were trying to convince you to go to your last high school party. “Come on baby girl, it's your last high school party! Fuck Eddie if he's such a sucker for not wanting to enjoy every second he has with you” Robin said in a rather mean attempt at convincing you, “not to mention he'll probably be there, parties are always good for…business” Nancy added knowing that this argument would definitely make you go to this party, you needed to see that the metalhead was fine without you, even if it destroyed his soul.

"Fuck it, fuck him! I'm going to that stupid party!" You said in a sigh, Robin threw her arms up as if thanking heaven for your sudden change of decision, and Nancy just chuckled to herself, knowing the real reason for the change. 

You made a point of putting on your nicest black dress, which hugged all of your curves that until now you've never felt the need to show off, a pair of combat boots, and whatever jacket Nancy made you pack just in case.

It was so hot, you didn't know if it was the amount of people dancing to the same rhythm inside Steve's living room or if it was just the cheap beer you weren't used to drinking, pushing the slimy liquid down your throat. You searched the entire party for Eddie with no luck, stopping in the kitchen only to talk to Steve who would pull you out of the crowd making fun of your bothered face. At parties like this you usually stayed outside with Eddie while he went about his business, but the sight of your best friend hitting on a cheerleader forced you to make SUCH a sacrifice as drinking such a horrible warm bear. Of course Eddie had seen you, he saw you as soon as you got out of Nancy's car, walking into Steve's house arm in arm with Robin laughing at some weird thing the blonde had said, of course he noticed the flush in your cheeks and as your eyes wandered over the people passing by, his heart ached to realize that he was the one you were looking for, but he remained professional and ended the transaction with the cheerleader who was so drunk that she didn't show her usual disgust at touching on Eddie, on the contrary, she insisted on keeping her hands on him with every word that came out of her mouth.

It was too much for you, you thought, even though you didn't understand where that sore feeling had come from. Staggering through the halls, you managed to find fresh air and took refuge on the pool deck, the muffled music made your thoughts dance around Eddie, you downed the already warm beer in one go throwing the can across the yard of the Harrington mansion, catching the attention of the school's bad boy, Billy, who was finishing rolling a joint still talking to his drug dealer, Eddie. 

"Isn't this your little friend, Munson?" Billy asked, both watching you drunken antics, “yeah, yeah it's her'' Eddie didn't let on that your friendship was at a low point in no time, but Billy was always good at reading between the lines “She's fucking hot, now I get it because you hid her behind that shit you like” he said with a smirk on his face, “you wanted her all to yourself, freak?” Billy laughed as he grabbed another bottle of beer and walked towards you, leaving Eddie alone with the cheerleader who accompanied the entire interaction glued to the boy's arm.

Even from afar, doing "business" with Billy and the popular crowd, Eddie wouldn't take his eye off you, following your every move with lost puppy eyes, Eddie's sad eyes accompanied your dress getting up on your thighs more and more, Billy's hands finding your soft skin, stroking and squeezing as you shared the joint. Eddie's big brown eyes burned as he watched the whole scene like a masochist, and it didn't go unnoticed. "she's just my best friend" he replied for the 1,000th time to a drunken cheerleader who tried to get the boy out of his temper that night. She twisted the end of Eddie's hair between her fingers, closing any distance he put between them.

Eddie saw when Billy approached you, he saw when you laughed at some really bad joke making the blond boy stick out his chest in pride, he saw his hands on your thighs and just when he thought his heart couldn't take it anymore, Billy kissed you. Billy tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear like Eddie had dreamed of doing for years, he caressed your rosy cheeks from alcohol and you gave that shy smile that was usually kept just for him, just for Eddie.

"I can make you forget about her'' said the cheerleader next to Eddie's ear, in a not at all drunken tone anymore,”wait…what?” He said while she was pulling Eddie by the hand to one of the Harringtons' empty rooms. Climbing the stairs with the girl, the last thing Eddie saw before entering the room was you walking hand in hand with Billy out of the pool's deck. He didn't know what was going on with him, in all of his high school time, he wanted nothing more than to be locked up with a cheerleader in a dark room, but now he doesn't feel it's the right choice for him.

Eddie was practically thrown into the room and before he said anything, the girl was already on top of him, her lips tasted like cherry and some drink he couldn't recognize. He wanted to be enjoying it as much as the girl who attacked his neck fervently, but he wasn't. He walked to the window lighting up a cigarette and looking out to the parking cars until he saw you and Billy share more kisses, Eddie doesn't feel like being in that party anymore.

The cheerleader still hadn't given up on taking a piece of the boy. hands roaming his pale body until they found the belt buckle, while she unbuttoned it, Eddie watched you through the window. The girl's hands found Eddie's almost erect member, making her mouth water at the size, even though he wasn't 100% hard for her, Eddie was big. The not-so-drunk girl knelt down in front of him, pulling down his boxers until his dick was showing. She didn't wait to put Eddie inside her mouth, moaning as she felt the taste of him taking over her tongue, "you're so big Eddie” she said before going back bobbing her head, sucking every part of the boy's already hard cock. He surrendered to the cheerleader, letting his head fall back as she devoured him, his hand went to the back of the girl's head, forcing her more and more against his cock "I want to see you touch yourself while sucking me, pretty girl” he said through the weak moans, and so did she. Eddie admired for a while the scene he had imagined for years, a cheerleader on her knees for him with her mouth full of his cock, his hips began to push on her mouth in sloppy movements, she moaned loudly while abusing her own clits. 

Everything was going well, until Eddie heard her laugh outside.

He watched as Billy's hands traveled to your hips than to the fat of your ass, squeezing and pressing his body against yours, you could feel Billy's hard cock rubbing against your waist, causing you to pull away at the same moment.

Billy's lips on your neck as he pressed you against the car, your face in discomfort, you tried to get rid of the boy's grip without success, pushing and trying to create any kind of space between your body and his, that was enough for Eddie. He pulled the girl who was sucking his dick up, who didn't understand anything, just looked at him with hate!

 From the other side Eddie wasn't sure how to get out of this situation so he just said “I'm sorry doll, if it was another time … i'm so sorry” he said pulling up his pants and running down the stairs with his belt still open, straight to your rescue!

Eddie ran outside the house screaming your name, afraid that Billy had already done something to hurt you, Eddie knew how Billy treated his girls, hell! Everyone knew of Billy's fame and yet, he let the situation get to this level.

Seeing you still trying to get out of the blonde's arms "you're hurting me Billy, let go of me!" You said in a voice choked with fear, Eddie's vision went black and his body moved without any direct order from the boy's brain, it was as if he had blacked out for a few moments. When he came back to reality, you were alone leaning against the car and Billy lying on the ground with blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. “Let’s go” Eddie grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the party as fast as he could make you walk, escorted by Billy’s menacing screams “Run away Freak, that’s what you’re good at!” or “you can keep that little slut, when you get tired of using her, my turn will come”. Eddie thanked every entity that you were so in shock you couldn't hear the blonde's insults. He helped you into the van and put his jacket around your shoulders “are you ok trouble?” he asked as he put the belt around your body “I missed you” was what came out of your mouth, Eddie chuckled and shook his head in denial “unbelievable” he thought, closing the van door and taking you to the security of your home. It didn't really matter how many people Eddie flirted with or got involved with, at the end of the night, it would always be you he was going to take home, both of you knew that.

The next morning, a big glass of water, some headache pills and a sleeping metalhead were the first things you saw when you opened your eyes, before your head started hurting like a bitch. You took the pill and gently woke your best friend “here, before you get a headache”, Eddie thought it was cute that you thought he needed the same minimum amount of alcohol as you to get sick, but how could he say no if you were standing there in front of him, looking so pretty and trying to take care of him? “Thanks, my head it’s killing me.” He said, taking the pill. Eddie could see Billy's finger prints on his biceps, making his stomach roll in anticipation.

Leading him to bed and closing the curtains, making almost nothing in the room visible. 

You laid your aching body next to your best friend, the familiar smell of weed and cigarettes made you feel at home, Eddie feeling your body relax pulled you close to him, finally laying spoon with you, after all those years laying together, this was the first he spooning you and the feeling was so warm and comfortable…

"I'm sorry trouble" "shh eddie, it's too early for this" turning over in bed, coming face to face with your best friend, you could feel Eddie's uneven breathing on your cheeks. You buried your face in your best friend's chest, closing your eyes as he pressed you against his body "I love you eddie" you whispered almost inaudibly, not for him.

Eddie paid attention to every word that came out of his mouth and this time was no different. The difference came in how the heat rose through his body, he could hear his heart beating so hard against his ribcage that he was afraid to wake you up. He didn't go back to sleep that morning, nor did he move until you woke up. He also didn't say he heard you or that he loved you too, he just lay there enjoying every second he had before you left.

-

Now, 5 years later, many corroded coffin tours and phone conversations, here was Eddie again, where all his paths always led, you. Eddie got a few days off before the new tour started, in 5 years the band did great, opening shows for bands that Eddie dreamed of one day watching the show from the front row, but at that time, he opened the show for his favorite bands. They were destined for success, he was and you always knew it. Now with an audience of their own, Corroded Coffin were one of the most prestigious metal bands in the scene, traveling on extensive tours around the world and always returning to the warmth of their embrace.

"Did you really like it Eddie? I mean, it's no palace but" you shrugged, holding the contract in both hands as the late afternoon light streamed in through the apartment's large windows.

Eddie had never seen you look so beautiful, he thought ."I love it" he said with that crooked smile that has affected you since... forever,

"it suits you dear and it's close to the school where you work, I mean, having the best of both worlds, right?" you bit your bottom lip trying to contain the happiness. The contract was duly signed and delivered to the real estate agent on the same day. The apartment was perfect, just a little chilly at night, "my feet are cold" you texted Eddie every night before you fell asleep, the lack of your response didn't make Eddie mad or worried, he knew you just passed out in the warm of your bed with furry socks trying to keep your feet warm. The mental image Eddie created in his head of you in your hibernating state made him smile every time.

In the middle of winter Eddie came to visit you, with a big box in his hands, you could see that the man was exhausted from all the shows an shit. You never imagined that he would visit you! Your plush pajamas and your fluffy socks say so...for Eddie, your prettier version.

Sitting on the couch, Eddie opened the box and took out a black kitten "It's Sir Bartlomeow" he said with a trembling voice trying to contain his laughter "Since I'm going to be away all winter, this little guy here” bart meowed in response, as if agreeing with the man's statement, making you both laugh “will be the new one in charge of keeping the helpless damsel's feet warmed" you chuckled and thanked him for the unusual gift, instantly falling in love with the kitten and more and more with your best friend.

Two weeks, it had been two weeks since Eddie had gone on his European tour, texting between shows and the countless parties a rockstar needed to attend. Eddie loved the star life, the craziness of the roads and the crowds of people screaming his name, waiting for him, but nights like this, all he could do was miss you. "Hey trouble, I hope you’re ok, is Sir Bart treating you well? I hope so…, I miss you, you know... I can't wait to watch shrek 2 with my favorite person, I have to go , see you in two weeks...yeah?!, bye sweetheart" said the message that lit up your cell phone screen as you laughed at your kitty vet's unfunny jokes, making your heart hurt a little.

It was the first Friday since he'd been away and the usual movie night with his girlfriends turned into a conversation about his frustrated love life.

"I know Nance, I should have replied to Eddie's damn text but what was I going to say?" you said to Nancy over a glass of your favorite rose wine "I miss you too, in fact I miss you every time you haven't been around me since... forever" you downed the glass in agony as Nancy laughed along with Robin. "I mean" Robin began, causing you to roll your eyes in displeasure. "It’s  Eddie!, Rockstar or not, he's been in love with you since high school, come on!" earning an elbow from Nancy "ouch babe" Robin whispered.

"It's not like he's not in the arms of some super model right now" your tone was low as you took in every detail of that magazine cover, throwing it on the coffee table allowing the girls to see the gigantic picture of YOUR best friend almost swallowing the face of a very beautiful woman. "But what about the vet, he seemed nice" Nancy offered with an empathetic smile on her lips.Turning the cover of the magazine over, you shrugged “yeah, maybe I'll accept his invitation to dinner, who knows?”.

A/N: Thank you so much @squidscottjeans for all the patience and tips &lt;3

[cars2-renaissance]

So I ended up going down a rabbit hole because of this headcanon about Finn being a huge fan of the Beatles. So now I will inflict my own headcanons about it on all of you >:)

.

Finn absolutely loves the Beatles. He will have them playing in the background whenever he can. He finds them soothing and upbeat. Leland absolutely HATES the Beatles. The songs get stuck in his head as soon as he hears one so “it doesn’t matter if you turn it off now, it’s too late!!” Leland is convinced that Finn just knows whenever he finally manages to get a song unstuck from his head because he always plays his damn record again and there goes “Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da” stuck in his head for another 48 hours!

The "fuckin hell" audio in Hey Jude at 2:58 is actually Leland wanting to die after having to listen to this damn song again.

Not me forcing myself to listen to a shit ton of Beatles songs so I can come up with a list of Finns favorite songs....

I relate more to Leland every day.

Finn has a portable turntable that he will bring to stake outs. Leland will glare daggers at him as soon as he hears the record come on.

Finn and Leland have had exactly one falling out over the years and it was over the Beatles. Finn played them one too many times and Leland chucked the turntable out the window of a five story hotel. Finn wouldn't talk to him for a week after that.

Finn gets captured by the enemy again: ah well, at least Leland will save me :)

Leland who has had "Love Me Do" stuck in his head for the past five days: maybe I should just let them kill him this time.

Shit, "Love Me Do" is stuck in MY head. Agghhhgghg

Finn knows all their songs by heart and will mouth along the lyrics. He’ll get some old records and put on Hey Jude with this shit eating grin and Leland is like no plz stop. But Finn is already mouthing along the words and parks himself by Leland's front wheel then starts driving slow circles around him and Leland has to dance with him and he's trying so hard to keep glaring at Finn but aghhhhh

One time Finn and Leland got separated for several months and Leland missed him so much that he contemplated putting on some Beatles songs just so it would feel like Finn was there. He didn’t. But he thought about it. He would not admit this to Finn under fear of death.

I’ll add onto this list whenever I think of more headcaons. Tag which Beatles songs you think are Finn’s favorites :))

[dre6ming]

The delicate beginning rush

Chapter 17 - this is when the feeling sinks in

The delicate beginning rush Masterlist

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Pairing: Austin Butler x singer/ actress fem reader

Warning: age gap (10 years), smut (18+ mature content), cursing, mentions of death, grief, alcohol, fluff

Plot: the ending to a beautiful love story, the next few months in (y/n) and Austin’s life, navigating everything.

Word count: ~10.000

Disclaimer: this is the last chapter of the series, BUT be not afraid, there will be an epilogue to tie the end completely, but I can’t make any promises about when it will be posted since I have started on it yet, but keep an eye on my page, I always update when I can. Also this chapter is not proof read so there my be writing errors. Thank you!

A/n: thank you so much for coming along on this journey and though the story might be over “The delicate beginning rush” universe is not closed, so content from this world might still be posted on the form of fake instagram stories or small stories. I will always revisit these two whenever I feel like you (my readers) want me to. Thank you!! 💜🧶

June 2022

Today it's a calm day in the studio with Taylor and Jack, I'm working on my vocals for her new album that she will announce at the AMA's. "Ok when you hear the beat, start singing." Taylor tells me, giving me the ok to record my vocals. Jack plays the track, the song Paris, is not finished yet, but she really wants it on the album, so we're doing the mixing and vocals for it, I the hopes that inspiration will struck and she'll finish it. As I'm singing I keep thinking that the way she describes she's feeling about Joe, it's the way I feel about Austin, only I can't scream it from the top of lung like her, I have to keep it private. When the word private comes to my mind something in my brain clicks I tell Jack to keep playing the beat for a little longer.

" Privacy sign on the door and on my page and on the whole world

romance is not dead if you keep it just yours

levitate above all the messes made

sit quiet by my side in the shade

and not the kind that's thrown

but the kind under where a tree has grown"

After I finish I take my headphones down and come out of the recording booth, seeing Taylor's and Jack's knowing looks. "That was amazing, Taylor you're up next" Jack says, getting back to his computer, putting together the vocals and such. "Ahah right away, then you're gonna tell me who this person that has you so in love is" Taylor teases before going into the booth to record the verse I just wrote.

Later in the car on the way to her place where she and I will have dinner with Joe, like we usually do, I fidget around nervously. "It's Austin isn't it? He's the one you love?" She asks, looking at me and taking my hands in hers, to stop me from picking at my skin. I look at her, scared for her reaction and all words leave me as I simply nod. What she does, takes me by surprise, when she brings me close and hugs me resting her chin on my head. "If he make you happy, I'm willing to give him a chance." She promises, squeezing me tight in her arms. "Thank you, it means so much to be able to finally tell you." I giggle, the weight already off my chest. "I hope you know now you've got to arrange a meet between me and him, preferably a double date at your place maybe?" She says. "Deal." I agree, happy to have her support.

August 2022

"Agh I'm so nervous, this is too much for me to handle" my hands are shaking holding the champagne glass, looking at the huge projected screen counting down the seconds until my album goes live on streaming. "It's going to be so amazing, my darling, trust me (y/n)" Austin tells me, squeezing my shoulders in a comforting way, kissing my cheek. For the past months I've slowly been introducing Austin to my close friends, so when I decided to host my birthday party and my album release party, privately at my New York apartment, I decided it was safe to invite him. "You think so?" I ask furrowing my brows, creasing my forehead with concern. Austin smooths his hands down my arms, his electric touch sending shivers down my spine. "I know so." he smiles at me so confident.

Shaking my head in disbelief, I put my glass to his lips and he tilts his head back, drinking the remaining liquor. He licks his lips sensually, dipping down to kiss me, but I see Taylor approaching in my peripheral vision, so I turn my head to the side, so his lips touch my cheek instead. "Hi Taylor!" I say, moving out of Austin's embrace, to hug her tightly. "Happy birthday my mastermind!" She says, squeezing me as hard as she can. I feel Austin shift uncomfortably behind me, so I can only imagine she's giving him a death stare. Taylor was the one who probably took it the hardest when I told her about me and him, she loves me and she's very protective of me. Taking caution from her previous relationships with age gaps such as mine and Austin's. "Hello Taylor, nice to meet you in person!" Austin says, extending a hand for her to shake, this is the first time they meet officially, he knows she's not too fond of him. I try to give her my best pleading look, while trying to be subtle about it and Taylor understands, her gaze softening a bit. "Likewise Austin, glad to see you're here supporting her, it means a lot to her!"

"I know it does." Austin tells her truthfully, snaking an arm around my waist. "So are you excited, only 10 minutes until it goes live." Taylor moves her eyes on me, looking excited. A set of arms wraps around her waist and Joe's head pops from the side, resting on her shoulder. "(Y/n) happy birthday, 20 looks good on you." Joe says in his strong British accent, smiling wholeheartedly. "Aw thank you Joe! I'm actually freaking out right now, what if everybody hates it?" I start stressing out again, all kinds of thoughts taking over my head once again as my heart rate picks up and my hands go clammy with sweat. "Hey, hey, none of that, you have a beautiful voice and you wrote beautiful songs, people would be crazy not to love them." Taylor assures me, taking my hands in hers, smoothing her fingers over my knuckles. "She's right, it's gonna be amazing, you're so so talented." Austin chimes in, agreeing with Taylor. "Austin man, mind grabbing a glass? Let's leave the girls do their thing." Joe proposes, leading Austin to the bar, to get a drink.

Taylor hooks her arm around mine and starts walking me to the balcony to get some fresh air. "You know I think I'm slowly working my way to liking him, you guys are cute, I'll give you that." I giggle at her confession, curling a strand of hair behind my ear. "He's sweet, he's been by my side through all of this, he calms me down."

"Well that's good, doesn't mean I won't keep my eye on him." She tells me, squeezing my arm. "Well it's good to know I have friends I can count on." I lean my head on her shoulder, looking out at the New York lights, the city looks so magical at night. "I just don't want you to go through the pain I did, when I felt like everything hurt, every single action was excruciating." She sighs. "Heartbreak is inevitable, I don't think me and Austin are forever, maybe I'm wrong, I don't know." I admit my thoughts, this is the first time saying this out loud, though I've thought it for a while now. I love Austin, of course I do and it's not to say that I don't think he loves me, but I have to keep a grip on reality and the possibility that he might leave some day. "Don't!" Taylor warns, taking a step away, turning me to look at her. She places her hands on my shoulders, softly shaking me, like trying to wake me up, her blue eyes looking straight into mine. "If there's one thing I've learned from every relationship I've had, is that if you keep anticipating the bad outcome, there's always a good chance it'll happen. Austin may not be forever, but he might also be, you don't know and you can't keep jinxing yourself."

Tears well in my eyes and I nod, a soft whimper escaping past my lips, turning into a sob, as she pulls me into her arms, to hug me. "I'm so scared Taylor, I feel paralyzed, soon all of the songs I wrote about my parents, my feelings, about Austin, everything.. it'll just be out there. And then I have to admit to myself that me and Austin won't be able to keep this hidden for much longer, I'm so sa-" my voice breaks as I fist the material of her dress, clinging onto her. "Oh (y/n) it'll all be ok, just breathe ok? Please!" Taylor tries to calm me down, but I'm livid at this point shaking in her arms, hot streams of slat running down my cheek and into my mouth. "(Y/n)? Taylor? Guys?" A all too familiar voice calls out, slow steps approaching. "Oh my sœur, my sweet little sister, what's wrong? Joe and Austin said you two walked out on the balcony, is everything ok?" Timmy asks, smoothing a hand down my back. "We just need a minute, how long until midnight?" Taylor asks, rocking me in her arms. "Four minutes on the clock." Timmy tells her, causing a much louder sob to go past my lips as the fear of the inevitable release of everything I've worked so hard for approaches. "Ok, go in there, we'll be in at the right time." Taylor assures.

Timmy kisses my temple, then leaves me and Taylor as we were before, alone in the hot august night. "You have one more minute to cry, then we will wipe those tears away and go in there. You'll act like the superstar that you are and claim every good thing coming your way, I know it can be scary to have you're feelings served on a plate for everyone to see, but once they are out and you see that everyone feels or has felt like that, you won't be so scared anymore." She wipe my tears with a tissue she pulled out of the pocket of her dress. My lips shiver in a shy smile, as I breathe deep. "Ok, I'm a superstar, I'm gonna be great." I repeat her words, trying to convince myself, the fact that she looks so sure of it, helping a bit. "Come on, we don't want to miss the release." She drags me back into the apartment, all my fiends are gathered around the screen projector, looking at the huge numbers counting down, champagne glasses in their hands, ready to toast.

"Five, four, three, two, one..." people count out loud, then clapping and music erupts, shaking the room alive as Timmy and Joe pop some confetti. I let go of Taylor's hand, my eyes scanning the room for the one I want to see the most. A pair of arms catches me, turning me around to face the person. My face inches away from Austin's. "I love you, congratulations!" He whispers, before placing his soft plush lips on mine, moving slowly and tender, bringing me to life, every cell in my body becoming overcharged with serotonin. My head thuds against my rib cage and I lace my fingers through his silky hair. "I love you too!" I tell him, as he lets me go, so I can circle the room and hug everyone here. It's not a big party but all the important people are here, except my parents. Now, my mom wanted to come, but she couldn't take so much time off work and dad, well I still haven't gotten around to talking to him.

After hugging Billie and her brother, I move on, ending up face to face with Joshua. "Congratulations! I'll be rooting for you at the Grammys!" He jokes, making me laugh as I drag him into a tight hug. "That reaching but I think that just for tonight I'll entertain it." I say, smiling. "Well we'd hope so!" Roxanne says, coming to his side, kissing his cheek. They started seeing each a few months ago, after she came along for a studio session with him. "Very funny, have fun!" I wish them moving on to the next person.

At the end of the night I'm pretty tired and my feet hurt like hell from being squeezed into those very uncomfortable, but very beautiful heels. "An outstanding piece of art from a young upcoming singer, best known for her Oscar worthy performance. A raw, bone shattering audio experience, a journey through the ups and downs of the teenage years..."

"Oh my lord, stop stop, that's enough!" I say, crawling over the bed to reach Austin and take the phone out of his hand. "Hey it's on rolling stone, it must be legit." He says, bending down to kiss my lips. "Maybe." I mumble moving my soft lips against his. My hands roam his torso, until they reach the collar of his shit. With a little tug, I fall on my back, dragging him along. Austin chuckles against my mouth, using one hand to prompt himself up so that he doesn't squish me underneath him. My thoughts are going at a thousand miles per hour and my hands find purchase in his blonde locks of hair, scratching at his scalp, resulting in a long breathy moan to escape him. My hips lift off of the mattress unconsciously, my pelvis brushing against his. Austin grunts, grinding his crotch against mine, placing his free hand on my thigh, encouraging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

We're a panting mess of bodies colliding, the clothes between us restricting us from feeling the warmth of each other fully, so I grab at his shit that's tugged into his pants, snaking my hands underneath the cotton material, to feel his soft burning flesh with the tips of my fingers. Austin's lips move along my jaw, taking their sweet time in loving that one spot right below my ear, that has me going crazy. "Austin.." I sigh, pleasure traveling through my bloodstream enveloping my whole body, I feel the arousal starting to gather in my underwear and I need more, so I move my hips against him harder, searching for that release. Austin's hand ghosts over my thigh, lifting my dress up, then stopping on my hipbone he pushes me into the mattress.

"(Y/n), baby? How far do you want to go?" Austin asks me, his fingers digging into my flesh holding me in place against the mattress. "All the way, I- I need you." I whine, trying to get free out of his grip, but to no avail. Austin freezes above me, then slowly moves back a bit, putting some distance between us, to look at my face. His blue orbs look over my crimson complexion, analyzing every freckle and every wrinkle, looking for the smallest drop of doubt. "Are you s-sure you're ready? I've told you before, you don't have to, I love you!"

Austin has always been considerate, ever since we started dating and I told him about being a virgin he assured me that I should never feel pressured into changing that. And I never have, but I've dreamed maybe even wished that it would happen and that he would be the one to do it.

I push my hips up fighting he's strong hold on my hip, whining for his touch, feeling starved in a way I've never felt before. Austin's breath gets a bit jagged and his hand resting on the side of my head, fists the bed sheets. "Ok baby, anything for you, anything!" He promises putting his lips back on mine, consuming my entire soul with his wet kiss. I lift my head off of the bed to follow his sweet soft lips when he pulls back. Austin's hand leaves my hip, coming to stroke my left cheek gently, his skin feeling electric against mine. His ocean blue eyes travel over my face, following my every feature like his willing to have my face engraved in his memory forever. The glimmer in the sky colored orbs watching me, melts my heart, it makes heat travel all over my body and stop in between my legs, so I rub my thighs together, trying to get some relief. The action does not go unnoticed by Austin and a boyish smile appears on his face.

I blush a deep shade of pink, trying to hide my face in the palm of his hand. "Nah no doing that, eyes on me honey! Good, now tell me what you want!" I open my mouth to speak only a bit scared to voice my desire, but his loving glare calms me down. "I want you to make love to me, Austin. Be mine!" I tell him, cupping his face this both of my hands, smoothing the skin on his cheeks. "I'm yours, I've always been, always will be!" His eyes so full of honesty and love, there's no doubt that what's between us, is real and genuine. I pull him in, only to miss his lips right before they touch mine, turning his head to whisper in his ear. "Show me!" My words sound like a dare and his whole body trembles in response.

Instantly his lips are on mine, drinking me in, moving in an orchestrated manner. Austin's hands roam my body and he shifts around the bed, placing a leg in between my thighs, angling it up, putting pressure right her I crave it. I sigh in pleasure, moving my hips over his thigh, wanting more than just the peer pressure his leg provides. I'm wearing thin nylons under my dress and he uses one hand to rip them apart. "Aus!" I gasp pulling back to see him smirk. "I'll buy you a dozen more, now let me make you feel good." He says stealing the breath out of me. His hands settle on my hips, moving me along his thigh, the friction sending electric shocks of pleasure through me. I grasp onto him, keeping him as close as possible, while he keeps my hips moving. I feel me sleek coating his pant leg and I squeeze my thighs around his muscular thigh. Austin keeps a steady pace, speaking quietly in my ear, telling me how much he loves me. "Let go baby, realx, come on!" He encourages me and my orgasm takes over me leaving me a shaky breathless pile of bones and muscles.

Austin gets up from the bed, taking a step back to look at me, catching his chin between his thumb and forefinger. "You look so fucking beautiful like this, spread out for me, cheeks rosy" he bites his lip, slowly starting to undress himself, unbuckling his belt. On cue I start to lift my dress over my head, but he shakes his head, stopping me. "I want to do it, just be patient my darling." His voice rasps, filling me with excitement.

Soon he stands bare in front of me and I can't help but roam my eyes over his form, I've seen him naked before, but for some reason right now feels like it the first time. "Like the view?" Austin quirks a brow at me, chuckling. "Maybe!" I giggle, licking my lips, the action wiping the smirk off his face. Austin comes closer, bending down to take both of my hands in his, lifting me up in a sitting position. "You're the best thing to happen to me." He tells me truthfully. I touch his face, smoothing the wrinkles by his eyes, then ghosting my finger tips over his plump lips. "I love you Austin, thank you for being mine." I kiss him forcefully, as his hand grab the hem of my dress, slowly lifting it up my body, his burning flesh teasing my, leaving goosebumps all over. We have to break apart when he reaches my head and we both laugh when the sequences of the dress get stuck in my hair.

Now here I am, naked in front of this man that watches me like I'm the only thing he's ever known to look at. His eyes glimmer in a way I can't describe and his hands follow the shape of my body without touching me, like he's scared I'm going to perish if he dares to lay a hand on my. I grab his wrists and guide his hands to cup my bare breast, the moment our skins make contact his eyes snap at me, pulling me into a deep stare. There's something so carnal about this, just to people in love, looking into each other's eyes. I let go of his wrists and move to take off my panties and ripped nylons, finally leaving myself completely bare for him to see. Austin's eyes never leave mine, as on of his hands moves over to my hip, the other snaking around my torso. Carefully he lifts me up, placing me in the middle of my bed, hovering over me.

"Are you scared? You're so quiet." Austin asks, brushing the hair out of my face. "No, I think you've left me speechless." I smile, brushing my hands through his hair. "As flattering as that is, I want you to tell me if you need me to stop. Eyes on me (y/n)!"

"I will, I promise! I'm ok now." I assure him and he nods his head, coming down to kiss me. "I need a condom, fuck I- I don't have any." Austin suddenly realizes, looking apologetic. "I'm so sorry baby, I just, I don't carry one around and I-" I start laughing at his frantic way of apologizing. Their is my Austin, always so sweet and considerate, not to say polite. Him not having a condom on hand tells me that this is as unexpected for him as it is for me. "I have an idea." I say trying to hold my laugh in. "What?" He looks rather skeptic of me. "I know Timmy has some, I could go sneak in and take some."

Austin instantly looks terrified. "And risk getting killed on your birthday?" I can't hold my amusement in anymore. "I'm glad my eminent death amuses you." He says trying to sound angry, but unable to hide his laugh. "Well technically, it's way over midnight, so it's no longer my birthday and I'll be careful." I say, sliding from underneath him, grabbing my silk robe and tying it around me. "(Y/n) are you sure? We can do this tomorrow, or when you want to, we don't have to rush." I bend down to give him a quick kiss. "I want to now, I'll be right back." I turn around walking out of the room and closing the door behind me.

I tiptoe through the quiet house and I can hear Timmy in the kitchen talking on the phone, so I quickly sprint to his room, going straight to the bathroom. I search every drawer and cabinet, finally finding the condoms, grabbing two and putting them in the pocket of my robe. As I close the cabinet door and get ready to leave I hear the door to his room open and close. "Fuck fuck..." I look around for an excuse of why I'm here, this late and naked. I grab the toothpaste tube and decide I'm just gonna lie about needing it.

The bathroom door opens and I'm met eye to eye with him. "Can I help you sœur?" He asks, looking confused. "Um I just needed to borrow toothpaste, I ran out." I explain nervously, shifting my weight from one leg to the other. "Okay?" He doesn't seem to believe me. "Well thanks!" I smile trying to get past him and out the door. "Can you bring that back when you're done? I need to brush my teeth as well." He says and I curse myself for not thinking about that. "Oh well I'm actually so tired, I think I'll just take some now." I say, opening the tube and squeezing some toothpaste onto my finger. "Here you go, have a great night." I tell him, handing back the tube and running out the door. "Ok wiredo.." he mumbles as I walk fast back to my room.

In my room Austin waits for me on the bed, with his arm folded under his head and everything on display. "You made it. With toothpaste?" He jokes, getting up from the bed, hugging my waist and spinning me around onto the bed, to end up where we left off, with me under him. "Timmy walked in in me, I had to find an excuse for being there." I explain taking a tissue form my bedside table and wiping the toothpaste off. Austin laugh shaking his head in disbelief. I slide my hand in the pocket of my robe and pull out the two condoms, holding them up. "Two? You plan to seduce me more than once tonight?" Austin smiles at me, coming down to pepper kisses all over my face. "Maybe." I tease, getting lost in the feeling of his lips traveling over my skin. "Well to be honest you don't have to try to hard" he confesses, kissing down my neck, reaching the spot under my ear, sucking and turning me to jello in his arms. His hands walk over my silk covered form, untying the robe and letting it fall open. Austin places the palm of his hand on my lower stomach, slowly inching it down, teasing me by taking a second to play with my hair. "Please!" I beg, lifting my hips off the mattress, willing him to touch me. "Patient baby, I need to open you up a bit, I don't want it to hurt." He says breathing ragged.

Finally his skilled finger touches my clit, drawing slow circles, pleasure cursing through me, enveloping me whole. "Aus.." I moan pulling at his hair, causing him to let out a guttural groan. "(Y/n)." His fingers work me like magic, his thumb applying pressure to my clit while his forefinger teases me hole. Slowly he enters one finger, pumping it in and out at a slow pace, curving it up, to massage that spongy spot inside me, making my legs shake. "I'm gonna add another one baby, ok? Just breathe for me." Austin instructs me and I nod my head, unable to reply as my voice gets knocked out of me. His long fingers work me open, gentle and slow, the stinging of the stretch being gone very soon. I feel the bubble of pleasure start to form in my belly and I start breathing faster. Austin moves down my chest to take one of my nipples in his mouth, swirling his hot tongue around the sensitive bud.

Right when I feel about to reach my peak, his long fingers disappear, leaving me whining and wanting more. "What-" his lips on mine silence me. "Take off the robe baby, I want to feel all of you." As I work on getting my robe off, he takes his shaft in hand, pumping himself a few times, quiet curses going past his lips. "Fuck the way you watch me kills me baby, you know that (y/n)?" He asks, taking one condom, opening it and rolling it on slowly. Everything suddenly feels so real and when he clears his throat to catch my attention, I realize I was frozen. "(Y/n) we don't have to, I told you." I quickly shake my head and wrap my arms around his neck to pull him back over me. "It's not that, I just-" I'm a bit ashamed to voice my fears, but looking into Austin's eyes I see that I have nothing to fear. "What if I'm not good enough and I don't make you feel good?" I whisper.

"My darling love, when it comes to you it's not just sex, never was, never will be, it's about showing each other how much love we have for one another. And to be honest sex feels good for guys almost no matter what, only a jerk would tell a girl she doesn't know how to please him. Ok? I love you!" Austin caresses my cheek, kissing my lips. I feel my heart gallop in my chest and the second I feel his hard on, touch my inner thigh I'm reminded of the desire I have for him. "I love you too." I tell him, kissing him back. "I know, I'm going to try ok? If it hurts to much, just tell me and I'll stop." Austin promises, looking into my eyes. "Yes, I promise."

I feel his head nudge my entrance, my breath hitches in the back of my throat and anxiety builds in my chest, up his eyes never leave me. I wince at the sudden sting and he freezes. "Keep going it's ok." I say, and though he looks skeptical, he keeps going. When he's fully inside me and his pelvis touches mine, I feel complete. I wish I could describe better how the way we're now conjoined makes me feel so at peace and so safe. "Are you ok?" Austin asks one of his big hands cupping my breast and twisting my nipple between his fingers. I moan loudly, throwing my head back, screwing my eyes shut. "Yess, move, oh god." A low grunt escapes Austin and he starts to move, his head hitting my g-spot with every thrust. "You're so tight, squeezing me so good, God I wish to stay like this forever." He whines, moving his hips at a steady pace. I get more confident and start moving my hips to meet his thrusts. "Shit Aus, feels so good.... Love you so much."

"I love you too!" His hands touch every patch of skin, exploring me, memorizing every inch of my body and I do the same, touching every part of him I can. Austin moves on of his hands back to my clit, stimulating it, making me squeeze around him. "You close baby? Look at me." He demands and I follow his request, making eye contact with him and feeling closer to my orgasm. "I'm so close, Aus, don't stop." He gives me a sloppy grin, kissing the tip of my nose. "I'm close too honey." He says, moving a bit faster. At this point we're just two piles of bones and muscle, whimpering and chasing our pleasure. Austin keeps playing with my clit and soon my orgasm hits me like a brick wall, pleasure washing over me like a cold shower, making everything blurry. "Austin." I moan, feeling him twitch inside me, as he freezes on top of me, moaning loudly. "(Y/n)"

When we both come back to reality he gets up, to throw the condom in the trash, then he scoops me up into his arms and carries me to the bathroom, turning the shower on. We take turns on washing each other, cracking jokes. "I love using your stuff I smell like you and it feels like you're with me all the time." Austin tells me, kissing my lips and working my conditioners through my hair. "I love you so much." I say, looking into his eyes. "I love you too."

December 2022

"Mom, the timer is done, I think your chicken is cooked." I scream from the kitchen, busy cracking some eggs for the cake I'm baking, tonight we plan a surprise birthday party for Timothee, so I'm doing all the baking while mom take care of the cooking. She and I kept on talking over the past months and while she's keen on staying at her new job in Nevada she visits now. Don't ask about my dad, neither of us got the courage to contact him just yet, but it's on my goal list for next year. "Oh Jesus, why must this skinny white boy have as his favorite food, your father's secret chicken recipe?" I giggle, adding flour to my mix. "Mom if it were secret, you wouldn't be able to cook it right now." She flips me off, making us both laugh as she gets the delicious food put the oven.

"So I think I got the karaoke system to work, but I won't put my money on it." Austin comes in the kitchen. "Oh miss. (Mother/n) that smells so good." He compliments my mom, coming over to my side to dip a finger into the frosting I made. "Hey, wash your hands first, now put it in the fridge please." I ask politely and he complies, giving me a quick kiss on the top of my head. "Thank you Austin, dear!" My mom smiles at him.

She met Austin a month ago and despite our big age difference she seems to be quite fond of him. She told me however to be careful, but other than that she welcomed him in. "So when is everyone showing up?" Austin asks, leaning against the kitchen counter. I look over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. "In two hours, but Roxanne and Joshua should be here any minute." I tell him, singling for him to bring the cake pan over so I could pour the mixture in it and pop it in the oven. "I'm happy the are still going strong." Austin speaks, opening the oven for me to slide the cake in. "Yeah, they seem happy." They've actually been going steady for a few months now and anyone who watches them sees that they have a great time together and that they love each other dearly.

"So any songs you want to do tonight?" Austin teases, walking me over to the living room to show me the karaoke station he installed. "Hm not really."

"Give it a try?" Austin hands me a microphone, helping me up onto the small stage he put together. "Ok, any requests?" I ask, smiling at him. "Surprise me." I think a bit about what song I want to do and decide to do one that's not yet on streaming, one I wrote a while and recorded not so long ago. "Ok, ready?"

New York back in August 10 floor balcony

smoke is floating over Jane and Greenwich Street

goosebumps from your wild eyes

when they're watching me

shivers danced down my spine

head down to my feet

swimming in your eyes in your eyes Egyptian blue

some thing I've never had without you

you're giving me chills at 100°

it's better than pills how you put me to sleep

Calling your name the only language I can speak

taking my breath a souvenir that you can keep

"When did you write that one I don't think I've heard it before is it about me?" Austin teases coming over to take me into his arms and kiss my cheek. I giggle putting the microphone down and circling my arms around his neck looking straight into his eyes "Yeah I wrote it about you what gave it away?" Austin shrugs his shoulders smiling at me playing with my braids between his fingers "Maybe it was the part about giving you shivers" I laugh tilting my head back "Oh really I thought it would've been the part about Egyptian blue eyes" he chuckles softly. "That part too, I guess." I shake my head at him, kissing his pink lips, licking my own when we break apart. "Is that my lip balm?" Austin blushes and pulls the lip balm tube out of the pocket his sweatpants applying some. "Dork" I say slapping his shoulder, making him feign hurt.

"Would you love birds stop all the smooching" Roxanne says walking into the living room with Joshua in hand. "Hey man!" Austin says reaching a hand out to shake Joshua's, then he goes to hug Roxanne. "Roxy, ever bubbly." Austin teases. "Hi Roxy, Joshua." I say. "Butler, ever a golden retriever, go fetch." She jokes, throwing an invisible ball. "Easy tiger!" Joshua pats her shoulder, kissing her cheek.

"Everything looks nice, is the cake ready? Can I taste some?" She asks excitedly. "Thank you and no, not yet." Just then my alarm rings for me to take the cake out. "You think you boys could fend for yourselfs while me and Roxy make the cake?" I ask, looking between Austin and Joshua. "I think we'll be fine." Austin responds, Joshua agreeing. "Ok, come on Rox, I'll let you eat the extra frosting."

"Hey that's not fair, I want some as well." Joshua says walking out way, only to get pulled back by Austin. "We'll steal some later, let the girls have their own moment" Austin winks my way, making me blush.

"Oh hello Roxanne!" My mom says, as she works on the smashed potatoes. "Hi miss" Roxy says back, hoping on the counter and watching me take the cake out of the oven and pouring syrup over it to cool it of and get it moist. "So Joshua was saying that he was thinking a trip to Rome might be nice for new year's. He said you and Austin should come along and if Timmy keeps things steady with Lily-Rose he should bring her." I get excited for a minute only to deflate the next. "What about paparazzi? You know me and Austin want to keep this as hidden as possible."

"We would rent a vineyard air b&b outside of Rome, keep away from the big city, maybe visit some of the villages around." The plan sounds great, but not bulletproof. "Paparazzi could still find us." She shrugs her shoulders, taking a spoon and helping herself to some of the frosting. "At this point you've been together for what? 10 months?" I nod. "And you love each other, if they find you, the last thing you should do is listen to their stupid speculations and talk, you and Austin know the truth of your love story ."

"I'll have to think a bit more about it. Ok?" She understands and tells me that I still have a few days until Joshua has to confirm how many people will be staying at the place he rented.

The party starts soon after our conversation and we all have a great time, singing and enjoying good food. At the end of the night when me and Austin put ourselves to bed I tell him about Roxy's invite and he tells me Joshua brought it up to him as well, as far as he's concerned he is willing to take the risk. "I love you and you love me, we both know what we have it's true, so what does it matter if they find us." I agree with him in the end, deciding that maybe yes we should go with our friends and enjoy new year's with them, but the anxiety of being found out doesn't necessarily leave me.

February 2023

The Grammys

"And the Grammy goes to..." Dua Lipa, makes a slight pause to read the winner off of the card and I hold my breath, having so many feelings at once. Taylor holds my hand under the table, also watching the stage closely, waiting for the moment the tell us who won. "(Y/n), Someone who loves you (wouldn't do this)" my song "everything I wanted" starts playing and there's screams from everywhere, feel Taylor hug me, lifting me up from the chair and pushing me towards the stage. She, Finneas, Jack, Billie and Joshua join me on the stage as I accept my award.

" I can't say that when I was making this album I ever thought it would be nominated for a Grammy and then it would get to win a Grammy. I poured my heart into this project and every single one of the people on this stage tonight can tell you how many tears I've cried over these songs and how difficult it was for me to open up to the world in the way that I did. It's more than just a dream to see my words be transported from my journal entries into songs into streaming platforms and then into your homes and hearts. I am so honored and so happy and I want to thank my family, my friends, my love, and my record label and the Academy for the amazing opportunity that they've offered me tonight thank you!"

After the great ceremony and a few more awards, I finally get to go home, missing Taylor's after party, since I'm too tired to attend. When the elevator doors open to my apartment, I'm met with a huge arrangement of flowers, from purple star flowers to sun flowers and peonies, all my favorite flowers, filling the room with their incredible aroma. "...my love" I hear my voice say as Austin comes into view holding his phone, turning the recording of my speech off. "You found a way to thank me, you didn't have to." He says, scooping me up into his arms. "That was exactly what I needed to do, dandelions was my first number one hit." I remind him kissing his cheek, as he carries me to my bedroom and into the bathroom where he prepared a relaxing bath for me.

Golden Globes evening

" Good evening everybody, I want to start off by thanking the Golden Globes for giving me the honor of presenting an award this year. The first time I ever attended the Golden Globes ceremony I was Timothée Chalamet's +1 it happened in 2016 and I met Taylor Swift. If you would've told me back then that getting to talk to Taylor would change what my future would look like forever, I probably wouldn't have believed you so I have a lot of things to thank the Golden Globes for. Last year I was nominated for a couple of words I even won a few but I couldn't attend so this year it was mandatory for me to be here. I am excited to announce the category for the best actor, on our list we have nominees who have given us amazing performances of incredible characters, bringing to screen pure and raw emotion pouring their soul and entire being into these personas that they've taken responsibility to portray. Here's a list of our nominees for best actor" I wait for the promoter to read the nominees, hoping that my reaction to Austin's name being called out, wasn't too much.

The room is quiet and it's my turn again to speak, with shaking hands, I hold the golden envelope up. " In this year's winner for best actor is" I pause opening the envelope and as soon as my eyes make out the name written on the card, they fill with tears that quickly blink back. " Austin Butler for Elvis, Congratulations!" My voice tremors and I feel like my entire body could explode with joy and excitement for Austin. After hugging Baz and his father Austin, runs over to the stage, coming my way with teary eyes. On reflex he hugs me and picks me up off the ground, squeezing me tight, so I have to remember him about where we are.  "Careful baby!" He puts me down, taking the award and mouthing a silent 'sorry'.

After he gives his speech, we both get down from the stage and I walk over to his table to make small talk with Baz and Priscilla and meet Lisa Marie for the first time. "(Y/n) always a pleasure to see you, you look beautiful, honey." Priscilla says, putting back in place some pieces of hair that fell out of place. "Thank you and it's a pleasure to meet you miss Presley" I say to Lisa, extending my hand out to shake, but she surprises me by giving me a big hug. "Oh please it's Lisa, I was so sad we didn't get to talk at the premiere last year and I'm so happy so finally get to see you." I blush at all the nice commentary coming my way, making small talk for the rest of the night.

A few days later

I'm still in L.A. after the golden globes working in getting some auditions for some new exciting roles, I'm staying over at Austin's house, which I think by now a lot of people know. There were some pictures of him picking me up from the air port before the awards, but nothing too scandalous to confirm we're more than just friends.

Austin is in his office, working on some online interviews, having doubled his press due to the Oscars being in a couple of weeks. I can hear him softly talk and laugh to the interviewer and it makes me smile, knowing how sad and worried he's been for the last day. He received news from Baz who heard from Priscilla, that Lisa Marie was rushed to the hospital last night and since then Austin's just been packed with nerves and anxiety, he formed a strong bond her. Not to say he's under pressure for the Oscar nominations, being announced in two days from now.

As I scroll through my phone, Austin's phone rings, he left it here with me to take any calls or messages while he's busy with interviews. I see the id caller being Baz, so I decide it's safe to answer. "Austin?" Baz's voice comes through the phone, worry and sadness evident in his tone and my mind goes directly to Lisa Marie. "It's me Baz, Austin is in an interview right now." I hear Baz sigh. "Well maybe it's better like this maybe he'll take the news better coming from you." I know what this means, I know it so well, it hurts before he says it, my heart filling with hurt and sadness, tears breaming my eyes. "Just say it." All this wait is killing me. "Lisa Marie didn't make it, the memorial is a week form now at Graceland, both you and Austin are invited to come. I'm so sorry to be the bearer of bad news." I wipe the few falling tears from my cheeks, breathing deep. "That's ok Baz, thanks for telling me, I'll tell Austin when he's free, we'll talk soon, take care." I end the call and cry for a few good minutes, but I decide to be strong for Austin and I wipe my face and sit reading my script, while closely listening for him to be done with his interview.

When I hear him say goodbye to the interviewer and close his laptop, I get up form the couch and walk over to his office. The door is closed so that way, neither William or Simba could walk in and bomb his interview. I knock quietly and open the door. Austin, who was resting his head on his hands, ruffling his hair, lifts his eyes up to look at me. "(Y/n) have you been crying? What's-" I sit down on the leather couch in his office and pat the spot next to me. "Sit with me." Austin looking worried, listens to me, no questions asked, sitting down next to me. "Baz called, he," I take a deep breath. "He told me Lisa didn't make it, the memorial is next week at Graceland."

As I speak he doesn't seem to hear me talk anymore, his eyes filled with tears. He falls limb into my arms and cries with his face buried into my chest. I feel his hot tears soak into my shirt and his hands grip the cotton material harder, almost ripping it off of me. I try to soothe him, but the best thing I can do right now, is let him cry in my arms.

After a good hour or so of crying he fell asleep on the couch with his head in my lap, it was good thinking I got my phone with me when I left the living room, cause he had another interview scheduled for today, so I texted his agent James and told him that Austin isn't going to be able to do them. James, being Austin's best friend since they were little kids, understood perfectly, giving me green light to let Austin rest.

About three hours into his sleep, I need to use the bathroom really bad, so I unlatch his hands from around my waist and get up to go to the bathroom. As I'm washing my hands I hear him call my name, thinking he's up, I call back. "In the downstairs bathroom Aus." But I don't hear anyone approach, which worries me. I still hear him calling my name over and over again and I realize he's not awake, he's just sleep talking, something he does when he's very nervous.

I find him still on the couch in his office, asleep and mumbling my name. I squeeze next to him on the small couch and find my stop into his arms, instinctively he hugs me close, burying his nose into my hair and breathing in my scent. I don't know how long we stay like that, but by the time his eyes flutter open, the sun outside is setting. His hazy blue eyes watch me. "Is it real?" He asks, new tears pricking his eyes. "It is, baby." He holds me close to his chest, breathing in and out quietly.

A little over a week later

I attended the funeral with Austin, which made sense since I was close to the family outside my relationship with him, there were a few photos of me and him at the event, but we were both in mourning and us hugging didn't look too out of character. But to be honest at this point I don't think we care to hide the relationship anymore, we just want to be happy.

After the funeral Austin decided to fly back to New York with me, where we are now. Tonight the Oscar nominations are announced and I'm so so nervous for him, he really deserves it and I know deep down he wants it so badly. "Ready for bed honey?" He asks, coming into my bedroom and setting into bed next to me. "Do you really think you could sleep?" I ask as he puts his head into my stomach. "If you sing to me, please." He asks politely, so how could I refuse him?

One night a few moons ago

I saw flecks of what  could've been lights

but it might just have been you

passing by unbeknownst to me

life is emotionally abusive

And time can't stop me quite like you did

and my flight was awful

thanks for asking

I am unglued

thanks to you

and it's like snow at the beach

weird but fucking beautiful

flying in a dream stars by the pocketful

you wanting me tonight feels impossible

but it's coming down no sound it's all around

like snow at the beach

Though Austin falls asleep soon enough, I can't find rest for the whole night, so at 7am I'm at the kitchen counter, drinking a big cup of coffee, looking out the window and listening to the nomination announcement. When they reach the best actor category, my heart stops and I hold my breath. Finally they say it, they say he name, I'm so excited I don't have the patience to stay and watch the rest of the ceremony to see what other nominations hie movie gets, this one was the one I cared for the most.

I Find him still soundlessly asleep, his phone buzzing on his nightstand. I pick it and see it's James. "James hi, I'll wake him up now so sorry." James his agent sighs, chuckling. "That's ok, tell him to call me when he can, but an hour later max, understood?" I promise James that I'll get Austin to call him no later than an hour from now and end the call. "Aus.." I shake him awake gently and he opens his blue eyes for me. "Baby?"

"It's here Aus, you, made it, you got the nomination." As soon as the words leave my mouth he, sits up , looking for his phone. "You'll call James later, look at me Austin, I'm so proud of you, congratulations." I say cupping his face in my hands and kissing him. I can't believe I get to live in the moment with him.

March 2023

The Oscars

"This year every time we went to the cinema we had an incredible experience watching amazing actors put on a show for us, we saw personalities portrayed in ways we've never seen before from the electric magic of Elvis to the magnificent sad story of the Whale, we have experienced pain, love, fear, happiness all in one, all at the same time. We got drunk on the feeling of pure joy and pure excitement watching these incredible human beings play out on our screen. Tonight we honor them, we offer a token of our appreciation for the hard work that has been put into these movies. Here is the list of nominees for this year's best actor in a drama." My palms are sweaty and watch Austin holding hands with Angela Basset, while his dad has a hand on his shoulder for the two behind. I see the hope in his eyes and when in handed the envelope with the results, I say a little prayer for him. " Austin Butler for Elvis."

I can't believe it, he doesn't seem to believe it either as he sits frozen in his chair. "Austin it's you, you did it, you won, come up, you won." Finally he wakes up, standing and running over to the stage, not missing a beat when it comes to hugging me. I feel his tears on my cheek and it makes me so happy to know all he's worked for payed off. "I love you so so much!" He says letting me go, receiving his award and heading to the mic the give his speech.

"It's a lot to imagine that after four years of hard work, three years of dedicating myself to this incredible person who is no longer with us, but who left us with such an immense legacy , I get to be here on this stage tonight and hold this award in his name. Elvis, he loved acting, he loved movies and this award it's so much for him as it is for me. I want to thank him I want to thank his  daughter Lisa for always watching over me. I want to thank my mom who is up there with them looking down at me hopefully so proud of who I am right now and what I managed to do. I want to thank every single person who was by my side in this period of time and who always supported me even when I didn't believe it myself thank you so much!"

After the ceremony and after getting his award engraved with his name we get in the car together, I rest my head on his shoulder as his driver takes us back to my place, so we could change for Baz's after party. "I can't believe it!" Austin whispers, smoothing his fingers over the cold metal of the award. "I can, you work very hard and you reached peoples hearts, you deserve it, own up to it."

July 2023

After the Oscars we were photographed many times together, but the most recent one, which finally confirmed our relationship came out only two days ago, after we had cute date. We were both a little tipsy and while waiting for Matt to come pick us up, we were photographed making out on the side of the street. It feels so weird to have everyone know that we're together, but it also feels good in a way, because now we don't have to hide anymore. Trying to lift my spirits up, Austin booked a trip to Disneyland the day after my birthday, which we chose to celebrate together at his house in L.A, combining both of our birthdays since they are only 9 days apart.

I look down at my lap, at the sleeping Austin, he looks so sweet and peaceful, I think it's finally time that I confirm my love for him online, so I snap a picture of him over my book that I'm reading, posting it to my stories and tagging him. I know this will probably blow out the internet, but I don't care, I'm so in love that I might stop breathing, he and I are approaching two years together and it's so unbelievable, if you've told me two years ago, that Austin would be mine, I probably would've laughed in your face, but it's true and it's of so amazing.

I can't wait to see what our future has in store for us, but I'm hopeful that we'll get through everything, like we have so far, by being open and communicative, by listening to each other, knowing when and where to set boundaries. Dedicating our time to helping each other grow and stay happy and healthy.

All because loving him is golden like daylight and the delicate beginning rush we felt so long ago never seems to leave us, only growing in intensity, fueling us to always come back and be here.

Tags: @galaxygirl453 @rainydayz101 @samaraannhan20 @marlowmode @myradiaz @areuirish @micaelainthe60s @homebodybirkin2003 @pennyroyalcreep @purejasmine  @strokesofstokes @lanasfloridakiloss @denised916 @kibumslatina @macey234 @melodixs-blog @shantellescrivener @chewiethecatus @guacala @fangirl125reader @father-of-2cats @lucid315 @melodixs-blog @ilovehobi101 @richardslady121 @jensmithin @julie181 @chrisevansgirl34 @ranaissingle @onecrazydirectioner @maria-1287 @austinbutlerssimp @kingdomforapony @acoolnight @tarot-sybarite @goldenmarygio @frozenhuntress67 @anonyboo63478338 @littlewhiterose @thefallofthedamned @1eminicookie @rose-deathman @iheqrtaustin @desitravelsblog @prompted-wordsmith @austinsvlrslut @crystallizedth0t @hertvgirl @peanutbutterinacup @austinswhitewolf

Songs referenced:

[pebblysand]

hello! welcome to the castles playlist explanation post, part three!

<LINK TO PART ONE> <LINK TO PART TWO>

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Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa by FINNEAS: this is the era/chapter of love songs, lol. i love this one, it's so happy and symbolic of the first half of this chapter - harry and ginny enjoying the honeymoon phase haha.

Room Service by Holly Humberstone: i can't recall how i first heard this song but i always thought it had such hinny undertones of that era in castles, covering both this chapter but also the one before - this quietness of a refuge found in bedrooms and hotel rooms just the two of them. the love that transpires. i am burying the things that hurt you. i'm digging holes in the garden, babe, i made a tomb to put them in - everything. i also love the part that goes 'cause you've lost too much sleep for one lifetime - that really speaks to the two of them and their nightmares.

Rosie by Passenger: another cosy song for this cosy chapter. funny story but passenger said he wrote that song as a lullaby for his cat who was scared of the storm. it's a beautiful ballad about not worrying and being protected. i adore this song, it always gives me hope and feels whenever i hear it.

Party Tattoos by dodie: continuing with the cosy feeling, but this song is also about social anxiety and taking leaps of faith to actually do things, which i think speaks to harry and ginny finally enjoying themselves in this chapter. that being said, i mostly picked this song for this iconic line: they're not bruises, they're just party tattoos. that really spoke to me in this chapter, not in the context of the song specifically, but more in the context of the "bruises" and "wounds" that harry and ginny are working to heal together, and this concept that they're not bruises, they're just party (or maybe life) tattoos. i love that idea and the metaphor, which is why i included the song here.

Petite Marie by Francis Cabrel: and, again, we finish with a love song. probably one of the most beautiful of all. sorry for those who don't speak french, you're missing something. je viens du ciel et les étoiles entre elles ne parlent que de toi. (i come from the sky and amongst themselves, the stars only speak of you.)

Young In America by Barns Courtney: i (obviously) love barns courtney, and i think this song is the perfect theme song to the beginning of this chapter, which centres on harry & ginny towards the end of their "honeymoon" phase and into adulting. there's their relationship and their jobs and the stability they both were so eager for. i love this song because it carries both this aspect of nostalgia (they were indeed, once upon a time, "young in america") but also this satisfaction of "two kids from nothing, guess we did alright - my dear, my dear". i love both aspects of the song, and it fits remarkably well with the start of this chapter.

as good a reason by Paris Paloma: ah. if you're on tiktok, i'm sure you already know this song. funnily enough, i knew the song already when i wrote this chapter, but i wrote the "spite" line without it being a reference to the song in my head. it's just a few weeks later when i was listening to paris paloma and was like oh. was it a dormant thought in my head? maybe. but also, i think for a very long time when writing castles, people kept asking me what drove me to kept going and my default response was "spite" lol. so, maybe both things inspired ginny's quote haha. it's a very castles-y song, regardless.

Suic*de by Ren: this song is two things. first, it's the very literal inspiration for the suicide scene at the bridge in castles. but i also really wanted it in the playlist because it really relates to post-war harry as well. "treading on the tracks at the nighttime, it never felt like the right time." i've obsessed over a lot of Ren lines over the years (he's such a haunting writer, some of his stuff makes me angry i didn't write it) but that concept of "it never felt like the right time" is so quintessential to harry's self-harm tendencies in the fic, and lily's later on. i sort of imagine her walking around london listening to this song after she comes home, and it never feels like the right time for her either.

Rupture by Laurie Darmon: this song is SO CLEVER. i remember listening to it the first time and being blown away. the rhyming!!! ugh it's so good. the story of a break up. obviously, this is one is for Hermione.

Dial Drunk by Noah Kahan: aaaand, this one is for Ron, haha.

Queenstown by Passenger: aaaaand, this one is or Harry & Ginny haha. i love the mood of this, but i also like that it's a break up song cause it also reflects the situation of Ron & Hermione. it's two birds with one stone, really.

Chalk Outlines by Ren & CHINCHILLA: can you tell i was going through my Ren obsession while writing 18 & 19 😅? i like to think of this song as the one playing to harry and hermione talking on the couch, when she says she's not alright. the recurrence of trauma and all.

Him by Lily Allen: obviously, the one for the end of this chapter.

You And Whose Army? by Radiohead: this song is two things. firstly, it's an intensely Peaky Blinders song, which obviously is a show that heavily inspired this fic. secondly, obviously, in the context of this fic, it refers to 9/11, and the illusion of fighting back. i love the tone of the song, the sort of jokingly derisive tune to the angry lyrics. it's pathetic almost, the best contrast.

Lion by Saint Mess: i think this song works so well for both that era of war and post-9/11 mess, but also for the world cup? Ginny's success as a Quidditch player? i love it.

Big Weenie by Eminem: hahaha this is a funny diss song. i like to think this is Ginny finally getting her "revenge" on the press during the world cup.

Sick Boi by Ren: ugh. you get a YT link here because Ren is unfortunately in a petty copyright dispute with the guy who did the beat for this, thus the song has been taken off Spotify. obviously, listened to this absolutely on LOOP while writing the second part of this chapter.

Eat Your Young by Hozier: this song is obviously fairly recent but it applies so well to all the wars and conflicts that have been happening since 01, really. it works for Iraq... so well. music to listen as Harry brainwashes himself.

How to Be Me by Ren & CHINCHILLA: uggggggh. 😭. tears, tears, tears, hot tears. very self-explanatory - Harry at his lowest point, really.

La Corrida by Francis Cabrel: fellow french people, you may wonder, why the f is this here? right? well, i will say one thing: je les entends rire comme je râle, je les vois danser comme je succombe, je pensais pas qu'on puisse s'amuser autant autour d'une tombe. voila, voila ✌🏻😅.

Kabul Shit by Lily Allen: this one is obvious. it's one of my favourite, most-listened-to Lily songs, it's tragedy that it was only the B-side to the Japanase edition of The Fear or something. i stole her wording of we'll blame it on the terror, also known as religion, in the fic itself.

La Boulette (Génération Nan Nan) by Diam's: lmao, such a 00s song but also, you know, she had a point. justice for Mélanie. me demande pas ce qui les pousse à casser des vitrines, j'suis pas la mairie 💀.

Wake Me up When September Ends by Green Day: well, isn't this one self-explanatory? Green Day, 9/11, the war in Iraq. everything.

Rockabye by Clean Bandit, Sean Paul & Anne-Marie (cover by Ely Lee): i wish i could have used the "real" song here but i couldn't find an acoustic version and the actual beat of song doesn't really fit the mood. the lyrics do, but i had to settle on the instrumental. to me, it plays in the background of the end scene at the end of the chapter 🥰.

La liste by Rose: i think this song sort of carries one the happy, loving vibes of the end of last chapter/beginning of this one. the list of everything i want to do with you. i love the musicality of this song, and also the avoir une petite fille bit of the list, which in my head was always also a nod to lily.

"99" by Barns Courtney: i LOVE this song for this chapter, it works SO WELL with the whole happy-we're-having-a-baby vibes at the start of the chapter, but also the nod to "we're gonna live like it's 1999". to me, it's a direct callback to the trip to the US, followed by their "honeymoon" period. it makes me so happy. they've literally living like it's 1999.

Hi Ren by Ren: and.... the crash, lol. i really hesitated to include this song here. i think on the one hand, the actual subject matter (Ren's struggling artist vibes) is obviously very off-topic. on the other hand, i love how this song deals with the recurrence of darkness in our lives, to me it's the barn creeping back in after so many months of harry just being like "oh, it's great, we're having a baby, etc." it also has a lot of quotes that were so key in the crafting of castles, and which fit so well that it needed to be there. i also love the message of hope at the end, it's foreshadowing of the end of the story itself: life is hard sometimes, but we rebuild, you know? that line "some people might know me as hope, some people know me as the voice that you hear when you loosen the noose on the rope" just lives rent-free in my head and also reflects on harry's somewhat suicidal tendencies. this song was very important in writing the end of castles, and its last arc.

Tu connais by Volo: i got obsessed with that song as i was writing chapters 20 and 21. it deals with the idea of getting into a relationship and learning to know (like, really know) someone. there is that beautiful quote in it which i ended up rewriting but stealing the concept of in chapter 21: si c'est le temps qui passe qui fait qu'on se connait, je veux que le temps passe et ne s'arrête jamais. (if it is time that means we know each other, i want time to pass and never stop). i love this as a song that ties the concept of the very intimate conversation harry and ginny have at the end about ginny's parents and harry's upbringing, and the kind of parents they want to be. there's really such a trust between them to be able to talk about these things, i just absolutely love it.

Mon p'tit gars by Christophe Maé: i know, i know. look. it's sweet, okay? je te vois comme un grand guerrier qui rit aux éclats devant toute une armée. pour demain je ne souhaiterais qu'une chose, que tu laisses tomber les soldats 🥹

Golden by Barns Courtney: i think this song sort of continues the theme of the previous chapter, the sweet, loving bliss of harry and ginny being happy and forming their family. the days were most things are good, happy and golden.

Till Forever Falls Apart by Ashe & FINNEAS: again, same vibe. this idea that if the end of the world hits, we're together and nothing else matters. i also love the "current-ness" of this song, the fact that yeah, a lot of things are not great on the outside (here, the end of the world - in the fic, terrorism and Iraq and the financial crisis, etc.) but we've had this time together and we're in love and i'll know i had the best time falling into love. i think it's also pretty representative of harry and ginny choosing to have kids and choosing to raise them in a world they're trying to make better little by little.

Hometown Glory by Adele: there's two London songs in this section of the playlist. this one is a bit sadder but also a lot letter, and i sort of see it as the background music for the scene at the beach.

Money Game by Ren: i chose this song for the more political angle of this chapter. the conservatives coming into power, kicking Kingsley out, but also later in the chapter: corruption coming in, then getting ousted again, etc. there's also all of quidditch money politics. it covers a lot haha.

Sad Season by Crying Day Care Choir: ah, the wedding. i love this song so much. it's so castles!hinny.

Je l'aime à mourir by Francis Cabrel: another wedding song. if you are spanish-speaking, you probably know a very different-sounding version of this song haha. this is the original, and it's again a very, very beautiful love song. i love the undertone re:ginny as well. je suis le gardien du sommeil de ses nuits and elle a fait de ma vie des éclats de rire and elle a du faire toutes les guerres de la vie. 🥹 (i am the guardian of her sleep at night // she turned my life into bursts of laughter // she has had to fight of all life's wars).

London by Mackenzy Macday: this is them choosing London in spite of everything, isn't it? also a bit political, which obviously wraps into the rest of this chapter as well.

Birds That Flew and Ships That Sailed by Passenger: idk, i'm kind of feeling this song in line with harry's crisis of confidence in his career? for the most part i forgot what i wanted anyway? it's maybe the theme to his turning-thirty crisis.

Rome by Solann: god. solann. if you're french and on tiktok, you've probably heard this song too much already. think of her as the french Paris Paloma, haha. the female rage. i also love the slow build of the song. i see it as the bridge between this chapter and the next. the lyrics are SO GOOD. it makes me mad i didn't write it. j'me sens comme un agneau qui dit pardon au loup d'avoir été trop lent à lui offrir son coup 😭. (i feel like a lamb apologising to the wolf, for being too slow in offering its neck) // les putes comme moi portent les rêves des hommes (whores like me carry the dreams of men) // and this one especially for ginny: certains me doivent des mea culpa à genoux mais préfèrent cracher leurs venins debout et je mangerai leur langue si c'est le prix du silence. (some owe me mea culpas on their knees but prefer spitting their venom standing, and i will eat their tongues, if that's the price of silence). i love her so much.

De honte et de pardon by Coeur de Pirate: i've always loved this song - the melody and the melancholy of its lyrics - ever since hearing it on Beatrice's album when it first came out. but, for a long time, i didn't understand what it was about. it sounded a lot like an abusive relationship, where the abusive partner may have caused a miscarriage or something (tes lèvres quittent les miennes, te rappelles-tu les siennes, celles qui n'ont jamais pu énoncer ton nom), and the guilt the female victim felt about it, not being able to prevent the death of the baby, but it never quite fit. actually, i discovered listening to an interview semi-recently that this song is about #metoo. Beatrice dated someone who was later accused of SA on someone else and she wrote this song relating her feelings about it. it's true that the lyrics make a lot more sense like this, but also, god is it beautiful. et quand surviennent leurs cris, dans l'air du temps, l'enfer sourit car tu as usé de mes peurs pour taire ses pleurs (and when they start screaming, in today's times, hell smiles because you used my fears to quiet her tears). i wanted to open the playlist for this chapter with it because it's topical, and because it tells the story, really.

Seven Sins by Ren: whilst there are some lyrics of this that resonate with this chapter (Ren is all about trauma, generally, and this is about trauma lol), i think what really mattered for me with this song for this chapter is the rhythm of it. i listened to it on quasi-loop when i was writing, especially the first part before ginny makes the decision to write the book (and the second part before the book comes out). i wanted this sort of relentless, endless, breathless pace to the words and the story, which you have in the song, figuring how "everything's alright" but also everything's not, and #metoo is like nagging and nagging and nagging at them before the explosion. it's haunting and it's a loop of a beat that sounds very quick and siren-y, and won't leave you alone. i don't know if i succeeded, but i basically wanted the chapter to sound like this.

Encore et encore by Francis Cabrel: (yes, all of Cabrel's classics seem to be in this playlist, sue me, my mum is from the south-west, okay??💀). the one thing i will say about this song is: yes, i know it's about a car accident. which, sort of beautifully overshadowed lily's story too. but if you speak french, i urge you to re-listen this song with ginny and amycus in your mind. like, literally every verse is so on point. [1] t'entends à chaque fois que tu respire, comme un bout de tissu qui se déchire. (...) les heures s'allongent comme les semaines, tu te retrouves assise par terre, à bondir à chaque bruit de portière. (you hear every time you breathe, like a piece of fabric tearing. (…) the hours lengthen like the weeks, you find yourself sitting on the ground, jumping at every sound of a door.) [2] la même nuit que la nuit d'avant, les mêmes endroits, deux fois trop grands. t'avances comme dans les couloirs, tu t'arranges pour éviter les mirroirs. (the same night as the night before, the same places, twice too big. you move forward in the corridors, you manage to avoid the mirrors.) [3] faudrait que t'arrives à en parler au passé, faudrait qu'tarrives à ne plus penser à ça. faudrait qu'tu l'oublies à longueur de journées. dis toi qu'il est de l'autre côté du pôle, dis toi surtout qu'il ne reviendra pas. (you should learn to talk about it in the past tense -- yes, i stole this from the song -- you should learn to stop thinking about it. you should forget about him all day long. tell yourself that he is on the other side of the pole, tell yourself above all that he will not come back. 😭) like, even the last verse that is more about missing him is on point [4] tu comptes les chances qu'il te reste, un peu de son parfum sur ta veste. tu avais dû confondre les lumières d'une étoile et d'un réverbère. (you count the chances you have left, a little bit of his perfume left on your jacket. you must have confused the lights of a star and a street lamp.) to me, it even roots to the slight empathy she has for him and the weird sadness of the realisation that this wasn't what she thought it was. and the overall loneliness in the choruses as well!!! i just fucking love it!

Unattractive by SOFIA ISELLA: i've always found it interesting that i didn't get a single comment (literally not one) about what to me, is probably both the worst scene i've ever written in terms of how much it makes my skin crawl, and one of the most important, for many reasons. the "day after" scene. i think it's because it's such a horrible scene that no one wants to talk about it. totally respect it, though i would love to one day have the excuse to do a line by line commentary haha. anyway, this song is the mood, isn't it?

hell is a teenage girl by Nessa Barrett: or, the revenge of a former teenage girl, perhaps. there, ginny decides to write the book.

Martyre de la cause by Mathilde: ah. this was very important in the way i envisaged ginny's decision to write and to speak out. c'est avec joie que je serai une martyre de la cause (it's with joy that i'll be a martyr of the cause). the fight she chooses to take on cause she can't not anymore. a very gryffindor song.

I Am Here by P!nk: i love P!nk. i went to see her live in Dublin a few months ago (a bit before writing this chapter) and idk, when she sung it live, this song in my head resonated with the last part of this chapter, this sort of feeling of "we are here, we're alive, we've made it"? that's how i see it.

La symphonie des éclairs by Zaho de Sagazan: not only is this such a beautiful ode to life and emotion and just thriving through the clouds, but it's also in my head the song harry and ginny dance to at the end. i know it came out too late so it's not contemporary, but fuck it.

The Age Of Anxiety by Jamie Cullum: jamie cullum is one of my first musical loves - my mother is a fan. i basically grew up on his early jazz stuff. i remember hearing that song for the first time when it came out, and i think i've rarely ever connected with a song the very moment i heard it. the phrase "i've kept all my texts from amy" haunts me. obviously fits with this chapter and its overall theme for obvious reasons.

What They'll Say About Us by FINNEAS: this song was very important in writing some of the castles chapters, especially IIRC chapter 17/18, but i also felt like it never quite "fit" the playlist at the time. it's a covid song, also a political song. actually about BLM but i think you can also liken it to hermione's campaign and first few months/years in office here. the hope and need for political change, but also the shortcomings. and, obviously, covid. i think the theme of death can also be likened to the war in Mongolia and the will to fight for freedom - it fits rather well here.

Another Love by Tom Odell: i am baffled that this song, which i've frankly adored for about a decade, has taken on a second life on tiktok as a rebel song. it's bizarre - clearly, it's not a rebel song haha - but it works? so, anyway, i really wanted to have this in for the mongolia episode, and its parallels with ukraine, gaza, iran, etc.

Knife by Lenii: i added this song the other day, i was looking for a "transition song" between the first part (mongolia, politics, etc.) and the second (the protest and its aftermath). this one was in my top songs for 2023, and obviously, it fit for the harry/hermione situation 😅.

Police On My Back by The Clash: this one is obvious. here goes the protest haha.

Police (Live) by Suprême NTM: lmao. okay. so another french rap song about how much the police sucks. it's a classic. i think i love this version even more because it's a live that was recorded very recently (the band is originally from the late 90s) and 1) it has the "assassins de la police" loop which wasn't in the original version but 2) (and most importantly) the end just KILLS me. the way Joey Starr is like, after everything (and especially, there's a lot of NTM lore, like the rappers have been arrested more times than i can count - not really good people, in fairness), "après bon, c'est comme les transports en commun, on en a b'soin" (but then it's like public transport, you kind of need them" 💀. i feel like it's this adult take on this very very angry anti-police song that they wrote 30 years ago and really symbolises the whole growing up theme of castles, and harry's situation here. it'll never not make me laugh.

Medieval by FINNEAS: harry's press and publicly downfall, obviously.

One of the Brightest Stars by James Blunt: you know what, i think my most controversial musical take is that i actually love James Blunt. i'm sorry. i think this song is so, so beautiful. same theme as the previous one.

Love Music, Pt. 4 by Ren: i was looking for a "comeback" song, and i think this one really resonates with the moment. it's not really the topic, it's more the tone. i love the way it starts with this blasé "alright. love music pt4" i think it's very harry in that moment when he's sort of dealing with coming "back" and taking over cashcow - at the beginning, it's a bit defeated and blasé, then he ends up actually liking it. i think it really works here, and it's a fun song, in the end.

Not Afraid by Eminem: same thing with the comeback, and i had originally but Without Me in the playlist here, but upon reflection, i think it's more of not afraid comeback here? again, a bit more hurt and jaded, but also a bit more political? like, im not afraid to take a stand? there's something a bit more harry/hermione here. a bit more deep. to me it's the continuation of the love music pt4 vibes.

Doom Days by Bastille: i would not be surprised if this turns out to be my top song of 2024 on spotify. i see it as the end song, the harry and hermione reconciliation, and the vibe of believing in it again. doing the right thing. having each other, at least.

Intros & Narrators by Bastille: i'd previously decided i wouldn't put two songs by the same artist in a row but all rules are meant to be broken. this one came out just in time for me to finish story. this one isn't really about castles, it's about me. i guess i'm allowed one song on here.

On the Flip of a Coin by The Streets: this song, weirdly, has always been about the cave in HPB. i thought it was a good full circle moment for this chapter, it's incredible topical as a song, and also because the streets are mentioned on here. two birds one stone.

Mistral Gagnant by Renaud: if you are french, you already know why this is here. in fact, you'd have been disappointed if it wasn't. if you're not french, i'm sorry, this is most beautiful song in the world, and therefore it is untranslatable. te dire que les méchants c'est pas nous (...) te raconter enfin qu'il faut aimer la vie, l'aimer même si le temps est assassin et emporte avec lui les rires des enfants, et les mistral gagnants. it's the background song to the first godric's hollow scene for me.

Two Tales by Passenger: this song played one random night as i was walking my dog. i knew it, but had never really paid attention to it. it was the song that gave me the idea for lily going to war (and for the scene of her getting into a car accident). i can't explain it, it was a lightbulb moment. to me, one of the most foundational songs in the whole of this playlist. we've kept her bedroom exactly the same, winters they followed and summers they came. he'd bash around, banging down on the floor, i sit alone with an eye on the door.

Joséphine by Volo: i think the spotify algorithm fed this song to me cause it's my first name cause i don't know any other songs by this artist. i would say, without hyperbole, that apart from the title song castle, this song is probably the most important and foundational in for this story in this playlist, specifically in the idea of the intergenerational trauma, etc. basically, there's that one quote in it that says: je ne t'espère ma puce même pas de fleuve tranquille, j'en demanderai pas plus et même si ça existe, comme tu devras bien sûr apprendre à être triste ("i don't even wish for a quiet river for you, my darling, i won't ask for more and even if it exists, as you will of course have to learn to be sad"). this concept of kids having to "learn to be sad" was incredibly important in me coming up with the last chapter and in the whole direction of the fic, and it's of course a quote that both harry and ginny say/think at different points of the fic. that sentence has haunted me for years, and is basically one of the main reasons i wrote this fic.

The Isle of Arran by Loyle Carner: full disclosure, i'm a massive loyle carner fan, i saw him play live last summer and it was honestly one of the best experiences of my life. i actually remember playing this song a lot as i was writing the beginning of castles, but idk, it never quite fit into the playlist. then as i was writing last august, i guess it came back to me when lily mentions loyle carner (shameless self-insert here i'll admit) and i actually think this song fits very well here. it's about faith and death, and hanging on through tough experiences, in my head, i see it as the lily-going-to-war song, and potentially also her finally coming back? there's - again - something very full circle about this.

Mockingbird by Eminem: i mean. do i need to explain that one? this song has haunted me for twenty years. hailie's recently said this song always makes her cry and i was thinking to myself, like: imagine that song being about you? it's wild to me.

U-Turn (Lili) by AaRON: french people - do you remember that song?? it was everywhere! it was in a film or something, right? anyway, it's wildly on point here as lily comes back.

Passing Afternoon by Iron & Wine: i have always LOVED this song every since it featured on House, though i can never quite tell what it's about. i love the she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her for lily coming home and rebuilding the house in godric's hollow. there's a sense of peace and finding you Place in that song, physical and in the world (also, the phrase "our endless numbered days" haunts me) - idk, i just love that song and it felt right, here. she's chosen to believe in the hymns her mother sings - i love the parallel between lily and ginny too.

Pink Skies (feat. Watchhouse) by Zach Bryan & Watchhouse: idk, this song is both so off topic but also so spot on. it's not the funeral thing - it's the vibe. this is the kids' closure, i feel. it's the kids all grown up and okay 😭. it's harry walking back into the house - everything. i particularly like the extra watchhouse verse: your pocket knife, it went missing, i think we know who got that one. you used to let her cut the ribbons on all her own presents - it made me nervous but now i see we just taught different lessons. this is so beautiful and so very harry&lily.

Tea & Toast by Lucy Spraggan: this song is basically the same vibe as the one before - but very british haha. it makes me tear up everytime. so symbolic of castles, the sunshine through the tough times. this is to me such a harry/ginny song - it's the perfect ending for them. that's their closure.

Arose by Eminem: and, lastly, i suppose, harry's closure. this is a harry fic, so it's fitting. this song is part 2 of the title song, castle, with a happier ending this time. it's throwing the pills in the toilet. now, i know.

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Hello, it's been a while. I hope you've had easy days. somewhere in between winter and spring I lost the threads of time but I did not forgot I had said I would tell you about angst in my pants, in fact I thought of it often. on what words are too much and what words to leave, in the end it turned into this scattered note from different days expecting it makes sense, only a little hopefully, as words always carry blank spaces with itself.

 First have to admit my takes on songs is attached to the instant moments of what makes me to think of or feel rather than what may the true meaning be which ends up my understanding of songs be far away of what artist may want to say mostly.  listening to angst in my pants had me thinking of mental condition of mine, now like you I am unfamiliar with English, for such long time only enjoyed the song away from the meaning till once i was sitting around untying tangled threads mode swings, burdened from this is how always was and will be, how it changed me into what no longer can be recognized excluded from mental disorder. 

Still it been days where I wished it goes away, to not be present in every part of me, depressives days where I wished with help of this outfit or attitude and fighting spirit no one notice how bad it is and pitty me or react cause is a phase, it goes away. that how this mental disorder works. and there are times in day when there is no pressure of work or people, i think of I wish I could just stay home with someone nice. just nice cause I dont need they feel my pain, I hope for no one feel this pain or understand it, I cant understand it even I live with it, so nice would be fine. even I'm not sure how it would work out.

I hope it doesn't show It'll go away It's just a passin' phase It'll go away

But when you're all alone And nothing bites You'll wish you stayed at home With someone nice

You can't be that, you doing good, I'm sure it's just in your head! You cant have this, my brother has it! I know how it is. but you are smart, you cant be dealing with that? (I say no more) 

You can be smart as hell Know how to add Know how to figure things

Answer so no one knows What you just said But when you're all alone You and your head

I thought I will get used to it, that I can learn it like a code know when this or that happens with this thing which button to push, as if there is a solid pattern which If I can learn, I could fix it. but it wasn't, mostly. after years of rounding in sad-happy loop still i forgot it never truly goes away. it is always there, alone or not, with massage on my devices or nice person on home is still there. in me, everywhere.

"It'll go away" Give it a hundred years It won't go away

I've got angst in my pants

was it so far away, wasnt it?

tell me of the song that recently got you if you like to. I hadnt much listened to music lately except some tracks of The Smiths (The boy with the throne in his side)

First of all: 💕 so much love to you, my friend.

The first time I read what you wrote it hit me so hard. I was only a few paragraphs in at that point and already deeply felt what you meant. By the time I finished reading I had to stare at a wall for half an hour. So I laid in bed and did just that. All of what you wrote about is definitely very much there in the song and it's such a valid interpretation. (Leave it to Ron to write songs that you can interpret both literally and on the surface level, and on a deeply emotional level.) I hope the song gives you strength and a bit of comfort whenever you hear it. I personally really like how the best songs have a power to make someone feel less alone.

It took me quite some time to reply because I wanted to make sure what I wrote was adequate and also it just took some time for me to process (but in a really good way). Thank you, truly, sharing all of this and enriching my view of the song. It's a relatable thing too to have to search for the words in how to express what something means to you and what words to add and what to leave out. Sometimes using less words and leaving gaps where things are implied says more than spelling it all out, but spelling it all out is impossible too. But you worded what you wanted to express really well :)

As to a song that recently got me, I was hit hard by Pulling Rabbits Out Of A Hat. You can love and appreciate a song for years but it can take the right situation for it to hit like a brick. It's a song in which someone is doing truly miraculous things, but all they get is "polite applause". "Entertaining, that's the word I get from you. Entertaining, and then you bid a fond adieu. Well, adieu." It's Sparks, so again many valid interpretations: you can take it as literal as being about a love interest who's mind you can't change, or more generally about how you just can't make people like you no matter how much you want it and how hard you work for it, or about the rawness of the feeling of not being properly seen, valued and appreciated. There is nothing worse than polite applause, there's nothing worse than receiving lukewarm. "Raise the Titanic and then - I see you turning away". What an utterly tragic song. I love it so much.

There's two different versions of this song that were released on albums, but I recently watched a live performance that especially hit me. I'll share it in a separate post because I tried to add it here and tumblr ate my post and deleted what I had written... Not risking that again. The point is, Russell delivers the lines with so much anger and spite. I love when he really leans into the emotion of a song, when it all becomes about hitting the right feeling. And the audience is fully in on it. It doesn't matter that the audience can't hit the notes, singing along as hard as they can when appropriate. There won't be ever a polite applause from Sparks fans.

I'll wrap this up in my next post, if tumblr agrees to upload it this time.

[capow02]

For the ask game :)

I'd Rather Drown

Amazing pick!! You askers have somehow already found both of my favourite songs from cinematics. Let's dive in.

I'd rather drown is another absolute masterpiece of a song. Unlike songs like plastic promises, which I warmed up to over time, the very first time I heard this song I knew I loved it. My very high opinion of this song has remained consistent over the three years I've been listening to sio, so consistent in fact that it is my 5th most listened to song on spotify of all time.

The electronic synth intro is iconic, and always brings me joy when I hear it. I absolutely love the biting way Cody sings the lyrics, and the way it all flows together is so satisfying, especially the line "how to treat people like a piece of meat". That line scratches my brain in such a good way. The verses are super catchy, and the pre-choruses are absolutely excellent. The way the drums slow down for the first two lines, then go fast again as they lead into the chorus always gets me moving, whether it's head banging or tapping my foot. (That usually depends on if I'm alone lol.) Also, the way Cody says "heartless snare" in his accent is super satisfying to me as an english person, and always fun to replicate when I'm singing it myself.

The chorus is incredible, and so catchy it's almost unbelievable. What a world, where because of Cody Carson, I constantly find myself singing "burn the bitch down" under my breath in a pleasant tone while making lunch. "I never will cross that bridge again" is another fun line to say in Cody's accent. The whole thing is so theatrical, I find myself making facial expressions and gesturing dramatically whenever I'm singing this chorus, that's how epic it is. It might actually be tied with freak show for best sio chorus of all time. "I never let people in, and I have you to remind me why" is SUCH a good melody to sing.

There are even notable changes to the second verse, such as the isolated beating drums behind "making boys drool at her will" and the way he goes higher and longer when he sings "the one I bear". Amazing stuff, you know a song is special when the verses are melodically different.

But honestly, the highlight of this perfect song is literally everything that comes after the second chorus. The bridge is sheer excellence, with Cody screaming the last line of the chorus blending so well into the "drown me" and so on, which always gives me goosebumps because of the satisfyingly smooth way Cody sings it. And then the ascending "rather"s and the absolutely iconic "sing it boys" sets the tone for one of the best sio song finales ever.

I mean, the stripped back beginning of the chorus with almost choir like backing vocals, the epic drums leading into the instruments coming back faster than before, and the absolutely incredible layered vocals from Cody that finishes out the song?? I mean, nothing I say can fully capture the majesty that is the ending of this song. Everyone say thank you Cody Carson for this pure masterpiece.

10/10, perfection, and my 7th favourite sio song of all time. Cody, you'd better play this song the next time you tour the uk. If you don't I will never forgive you.

[khodorkovskaya]

21.03.23

i remember this time around last year my friend from maths told me that she has "reverse" seasonal depression as in she gets depressed when it's spring/summer, instead of autumn/winter how it usually goes for most people. and i was baffled! how can you get depressed when days get longer, the sun gets warmer, trees start blooming, birds start singing, etc? in winter everything is dark and cold and gloomy, it makes sense to be a little depressed. but spring..?!

but this year i really feel her... ive been dreading the arrival of spring. because spring means warm weather and warm weather means going on walks and going on walks means going on walks with B. but this year there is no B. there's just me and my loneliness and my shitty nostalgia. and every time the sun shines a little too brightly or the birds sing a little too happily, i want to burst into tears. so all i want to do is stay inside and pretend it's still winter and im still in my comfortable warm cocoon because hey it's normal to stay inside and be alone when it's winter, right? but fuck. i go outside and want to kms.

this "reverse" seasonal depression thing has turned into paranoia. whenever im out and about in town, im constantly looking around myself, staring into the face of every passing stranger, convinced that i am going to bump into B. i can't sit still, i can't walk straight, no no no... i have to constantly be looking left and right, turning my head, always checking... and when i get a glimpse of some tall guy with dark hair or, worse, someone crouched on a bike, i get a manic adrenalin rush like oh my god it's him! but it's never him, of course.

what's worse is that that one lana song has gotten quite popular on instagram and it seems like every reel i watch has it. and that song takes me back to one particular moment with B.

every time i discover a new song i like, i listen to it on repeat until i get sick of it. and in spring of 2018 that song was "say yes to heaven". it already made me all teary eyed when i first heard it. there's something about it idk, it really touched me.

so it was the beginning of spring and B and i went for our usual walk in the countryside by the bridge. and we were talking about love and he started telling me about his ex. in a very neutral manner, nothing extraordinary, just like "this is how my first relationship went". and, sure, to him it felt like a story from the past. he was like what, 16 when it happened? and he was 29 when he was telling me about it. it was a typical first love story that everyone has, really nothing special. but to my teenage self it was the most heartbreaking thing i had ever experienced. i couldn't fathom the fact that B was my first love, but his first love was someone else.

i listened to his story, of course, and i was curious about it. her name was antoinette and they met at scouts. he seduced her by playing guitar. i don't know why but i had always imagined her with bright red hair. not as in ginger, but as in dyed cartoonish red hair. and a striped shirt with black skinny jeans. maybe it was because her name sounded so damn french that she absolutely had to have a stiped shirt in my imagination. but yeah, dyed red hair and bright red freckles. that was B's first love for me. when i came home that day, i listened to "say yes to heaven" and cried, imagining B being as innocently in love with her as i was with him, mourning the fact that he would never love me this way and how i could never be his first. and now whenever i hear that song, i think about 19 year old me crying and i want to cry again.

i later learned about B's other ex, meriç. this was a whole different story and at first i thought that it would be easier for me to digest. after all, they hadn't parted on good terms and B would often use her as a bad example. they were toxic, he said. but the more i thought about meriç, the worse i felt about myself. i couldn't get over the fact that B moved to turkey for her! and for me, well... i once mentioned the fact that i was thinking about going to another city for uni and B threw a tantrum. he would never sacrifice anything for me, i thought, he would never move to a different country for me. that meriç girl must've had something i didn't.

after giving it some thought, id made up my mind about meriç and drew a clear picture of her in my mind just like i had done with antoinette. my imaginary meriç was sexy. that's why he moved to turkey for her, i explained to myself. and toxic relationships are always extremely sexual, right? the whole fighting and making up and fucking thing. there's always a thrill, always a chase... men love that shit, right? meriç was exciting, feisty, sexually liberated. and when B would whine about me not wanting to do anal or being shy while giving him blowjobs, the thought of meriç would occupy my mind. she probably said yes to anal, i thought. she probably looked into his eyes while sucking his dick and im too fucking sexually useless to do any of this shit. that's why he moved to turkey for her and wouldn't want to move to a city that's 3 hours away for me.

and so there i was, the most boring and forgettable girlfriend. antoinette had the infatuation, the romance, the rush of first love. meriç had the thrill, the lust, the toxic passion. and me? well... no matter how many times B would tell me that i was the best he'd ever had, it would never get through to me. it frustrated me that we weren't on the same page. to me our relationship was exciting and firey and felt like destiny and i would get the strongest butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling while looking at him to the point of feeling intoxicated. and at the same time i would feel devastated and suicidal even when something would go wrong. it was full of ups and downs and crazy hormonal rushes. and to him it was his third serious relationship, calm and calculated, no hard feelings. "i feel so calm when im with you," he would tell me. and it felt like defeat.

i saw a picture of meriç once. i had to stalk her on facebook, of course i had! she looked quite similar to me actually, with a wave in her hair and full cheeks. at least that's what my bestie had pointed out because, of fucking course, i showed her the picture. it was only years later that B had told me that him and meriç had no sexual chemistry and it was quite frustrating. and maybe he lied, but i wish 19 year old me would've known that. she's married now. and so is antoinette. she has a daughter i think? or two. i don't know. but they've moved on. and i will move on from B. and he'll probably tell his next girlfriend about me. or not. who knows what he would say. and what she will think. will she imagine me with red hair and freckles? who knows.

[sizzlyybacon]

10/4/24 (7th)

intermediate band

jite was playing the timpani and he had one of them backwards so the tuner was facing away from him. alex got really mad about that so he asked jite to turn it around so he could actually tune it. jite said no because he didn't play it. alex said yeah but you can still have it facing the correct way so SOMEONE can play it. jite said no because it was broken. alex asked how tf it was broken. jite said it wasn't tuned. me and alex exchange a look. i see the "bruh" in his eyes. "bro are u like stupid..." he asks jite. jite replies "i can't play it because it isn't tuned and it's slanted the wrong way. you're stupid!" alex's patience has lasted this long and now it's ran out 💀 "IT'S SLANTED THE WRONG WAY BECAUSE IT'S FACING THE WRONG WAY. IT'S NOT TUNED BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TUNE IT IF IT'S NOT FACING YOU!!!!!!!" he screams. jite goes into the storage closet to find something to fix it 💀... "i'm just gonna..." alex starts saying, walking over to the timpani. he spins it around real quick but jite turns around the second he does that. this makes jite mad and he runs out of the closet and takes a fucking SWING AT ALEX'S FACE... alex slaps his hand away and keeps yelling at him. jite takes another swing and alex starts BARKING AT HIM. AND NOW THEY'RE BARKING AT EACH OTHER... i look at austin who's by the marimba and tap out S.O.S. in morse code referencing a moment from last year when he tapped out S.O.S. after our old band teacher made us take a test the entire period. he smiles and we turn back to watch the argument unfold. the bell has already rang and i need to pack up my 1289370981752734018327234 percussion instruments i play for our songs. alex has assembled his whole gang of friends and they're yelling at jite. alex calls jite RACIST for "invalidating the opinion of a white person" i think both alex and jite are morons 💀...

science

in science kyndall and i are joking around when we go dead silent. SOMEONE is whistling the meow meow meow meow song. we look around to find who did it but we can't locate them. we hear it again and whip our heads to the left. it's chase!!!!!! bro winks at us 💀 but then we hear it AGAIN, and it's filipo singing it. we hear it again from the other side of the room and it's harrison. but we still don't know who's whistling it. then we hear it. it's adam 😭

history

veronika and i ask mrs. johnson if we can go to the hallway to "focus" better. when we go out we hear the introductory choir singing their songs and we wave to them. eventually we see miles, the kid we always cheer for whenever we see and we totally freaked. we started dancing and made an entire choreography to their singing. veronika gets on the ground and starts to crab walk around and i join her. we line up in the middle of the hallway and decide to have a crab walk race to mr. mckean's from. that's when a sixth grader with a weird half bowl cut walks up, takes one terrified look at us, and descends the stairs again. we tell him that it's ok and ask if he wants to join the race. "heck yeah i do!" he smiles. he goes to his locker and drops his stuff off inside and gets into crab walk position next to us. we all yell 3, 2, 1, go as loud as we can all in unison. that's when another sixth grader turns into our hallway and looks at us. we halt what we're doing and stare at him. "nah man what the hell is this school..." he asks to the air. we can't stop laughing as we invite him to join us. "y'know.. why not?" he unlocks his locker to put his stuff away and lines his hands up with ours. now we're starting for real. we start scrambling towards mr. mckean's door. cayden is in the lead, corbin is in second, veronika is in 3rd, and i'm in 4th. we're cracking up when mrs. johnson comes out because she hears all the commotion and gives us a very disappointed look. "ok guys, NO, what even is this??" she asks. "what classes are you guys in?" she asks turning to the sixth graders. "don't make them late to their class, i sent you out here to focus..." she says turning to us. we get up, our race never completed. corbin gets his stuff back and waves goodbye to us, smiling as he walks down the stairs. cayden gets his stuff and sits across from us. "i only have like 2 minutes left of lunch so i'll just stay up here with you guys," he says. we joke around, laughing so hard we can't breathe. veronika asks if she can have some of my water and i say sure but ask if i can just pour it into her mouth instead of her drinking it because i'm a germaphobe. she says sure but asks if i can just pour it into her hands instead. she cups them and looks at me. "sure.....??"" i say. "uh oh!" cayden laughs. i pour the rest of my water into her hands and she sips it super quick. most of it falls onto the ground. "nah... y'all are crazy!" cayden exclaims. "well, i gotta go now, cya!" veronika stops him. "WAIT! besties for life?" he cracks a smile, "besties for life." we share a triple fist bump and go our different ways. it's time for us to go to lunch, so we do. i sit with miracle and veronika and we just chill. when we head back to history we go back into the hallway and start playing games on our computers. that's when we hear the choir kids singing jingle bells. we get up, start dancing, and sing along with them. they notice and all bunch up at the door. we're all dancing and waving our hands and screaming jingle bells at the tops of our lungs while mr. steve-o encourages us to sing louder. this goes on for like 10 minutes until mrs. johnson comes out and tells us to go back inside the classroom 😭

[ailee-celeste]

Since I am German and people from other countries don’t usually listen to our music like we do to theirs I’ll list up my favourite German songs + my favourite lyrics with HEAVY meaning to me… {I’ll translate them for y’all}

Grüne Augen lügen nicht - Jeremias

I‘m watching documentaries out of boredom, would rather have your face in front of me.

We‘re smoking cigarettes after sex and years and years in my attic apartment from number 4.

Letzer song - CRO

And I heard about your new boyfriend, and it doesn't hurt anymore, you're fine and you're alive, and it's good to see that. I wish the best for you and that someone gives you what I couldn't be for you. I'm sorry, sun.

Leichter//Kälter - Edwin Rosen

And your lips are purple, like the flowers that I never buy you, that I never buy you...

Spiegelbild - Mayberg

And I am grateful that my life is enough for me to live, some don't have it so easy, some don't have it so easy. I know people who don't have it so easy...

So schön - CRO

And even if you can't babe I love when you dance, oh I love when you dance dance dance for me, no matter how it sounds oh I love when you sing oh I love how you sing sing sing for me!

Ich will nur - Phillip Poisel

I just want you to know: I still love you, and that in the end there is no one else who changes me so much. That moves me so much.

Herz über Kopf - Joris

Haven't looked at me like that for a long time,

I tried to understand us far too often,

The eyes meet, the wine is already half empty.

Oh, I know exactly what you're thinking

The train has left the time was given away.

Feels so right, but is so wrong.

And whenever it's time to go,

I forget what once was and stop

The heart says stay, the head screams go..

Heart over head

Augen auf - Sido

Hey, mom, open your eyes, drive out my fluff. I want to grow up so much and not die at the age of 18.

Irgendwie, Irgendwo, Irgendwann - NENA

Give me a hand, I'll build you a castle of sand, somehow, somewhere, sometime.

Whatever - CRO

Yeah! Bye, bye I feel so free, free. I don't want to go home anymore and I don't give a shit what comes tomorrow, I'll lift my glass and scream…

Vermissen - Juju

I get back on the tour bus and I'll smell your shirt,let's see if the scent still remains,until I get off the bus again..

How can you miss someone so much?Like I miss you in this shitty moment?I'm so torn right now.Should I just write to you again or not?

How can you miss someone so much?Like I miss you in this shitty moment?I'm so torn right now.Should I just write to you again or not?

Lieder - Adel Tawil

I was one of five boys, "one minute", off, then it was over I only sang for myself, for an infinitely long time. Then I met her, and she reminded me that we were worlds away and yet from the same star.

Astronaut - Sido feat. Andreas Bourani

We are building higher and higher until it goes to infinity, almost eight billion people but humanity is missing. From up here, all this suddenly doesn't matter anymore, from here you can see no limits and the color of the skin. All this noise and nothing is silent, I can't hear you anymore. Slowly I have the feeling that I don't belong here. There is no forward and no turning back, only down and up. One in a hundred million, a small point above the ground.

[genshrineimpact]

I basically day dream this soooo this could be any genshin character that you want…

So this is how it goes, one of the genshin men, xiao in my imagine, were transported first to our world and get to meet the reader first. Then a few years after that, the other genshin men arrive in our world.

And the funny part is that Childe immediately started to propose on the spot

Childe: Please marry me! I’ve been waiting for ages to be with you.

Reader: … I already have children.

Childe: Don’t worry I’m good with kids. I’ll make sure to be a great fa-

Reader: I’m also married.

Childe: … who is this man? *he says calmly as he prepares who’s hydro blades*

Then reader called out to Xiao and xiao appear carrying their kids. Ya know those baby carriers you strapped on your torso. Yeah imagine xiao with that, while holding hands with the other kid.

Childe and Xiao basically have a stare off. If it weren’t for the children on Xiao, Childe would have lunge on him already.

The other men are too stun to speak because of Childe’s shamelessly then Reader’s reveal about having a family with Xiao.

Altho regardless of who got to reader first if it isn’t Childe he would demand a death match.

Idk I just randomly thought of this. Sorry for rambling. It was a cute idea that I wanted to share.

lol i would imagine this with zhongli who was reverse isekai'd to our world. our children better take his genes i mean look at this beautiful, beautiful man

childe does seem like the type to challenge your s/o for your hand in marriage - i mean this man was willing to potentially sink a whole city to the ocean... but i'd like to hope that when he sees you so happy with your partner, he would slowly back off...

cute concept!! i'm glad you're daydreaming about things that make you happy, and thank you for sharing with us about it!! in turn, lemme share a daydream of mine <3

whenever i feel like i'm touch starved and want to hug someone but can't because of circumstances, i'd hug my plushies before going to bed and imagine something like this:

cuddles with xiao! he's probably shorter than you so he would be the little spoon. but even if he's taller than you - still, be the big spoon. he might scoff and say things like 'adepti do not need sleep'. well, ignore him. as soon as your arms wrap around him and pull him flush against your body, he wouldn't make any effort to push you away even if he certainly could.

nuzzle his neck. kiss the top of his head. relax and regulate your breathing calmly, maybe hum a calming song if you're into that, and wait.

xiao will slowly relax. the frown between his eyebrows disappears. the downturn of his lips smoothening out into a neutral line bordering on an upward curve. the blush on his cheeks washes out. if you're brave enough, don't be afraid to tuck his head into your chest - he loves hearing your heartbeat. unknowingly, his own heart syncs with yours, along with his breathing.

when you drift to sleep, he might follow - and if you're lucky, he might even join you in your dreams, where you can continue to cuddle in a field of flowers <3

© genshrineimpact | 2022 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @paintingsofdragonspine | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies

ps. if you want to be removed/added from the taglist, just send an ask or dm me!

[arcanadreams]

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?) 

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~” 

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.�� *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams. 

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that. 

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way. 

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism. 

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?” 

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on. 

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“’What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be  careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process. 

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care. 

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet. 

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention. 

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram. 

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place. 

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly. 

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

[lamamasjamas]

Twenty Year Vacation

To Say Hello- The Marías

Summary: Din convinces you to go to Alderaan and in the process you seem to scramble your life more than it already is / You confront him after not seeing him in years.

Masterlist Series Masterlist

a/n: Dámelo Sauve 😩 literally. I love this song, and I've been depressed so hah! My mental illnesses motivate me. Have some angst and mommy issues because I am y/n this time. Mwah. Also ignore Grogu in the gif lol he’s not in this yet. 😒. A/n edit: This takes place after the bunk and before the argument of the last chapter.

Warnings: SMUT (but said softly), Angst, fluff, angst, fluff, angst, parents in a derogatory way 🤧

You called me up, you said enough. I miss you. I messed up. 

I'll see you when it’s cold, when darkness starts to fold. 

His back was facing yours.  You’ve recently taken a liking to his food.  He secretly blushed whenever you complimented his cooking, often accompanying your comments with vulgar and over exaggerated sounds to further prove your point. 

In your words, you liked his cooking because it felt like something made in your home world. He liked to use spices, herbs, and different ingredients to make what he thought were very plain foods, actually good.  You were his official taste tester, always being the first to try his experiments and techniques he’s learned from his covert and uses in the tiny kitchen at the station. He liked that he was associated with your home.  He liked that he made you happy and warm.  

As you lay the back of your head against his shoulder, he thinks that he would like to be your home. Your new one, since you always say how much you would hate to live in Alderaan.  You always tell him how much you don’t miss the planet, how much better off you are away from your home world. 

Hearing you snort at whatever was being said on the HoloNet News made him think you might be right.  

“...Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan making her debut in the senate.  Tensions rise in Coruscant as she comments on the over-policing of imperial guards sent by the Empire to monitor over suspected areas of insurgency.” 

Her voice speaks loudly as the commentator's voice stops. A clip of her standing over a crowd of senators appears on the small holo in front of you. 

“The Imperial senate has a duty to ensure the prosperity of the Galactic Empire.  How could we ensure this when those who have sworn to protect us and keep us safe have brought insecurity and fear? We must reform-” 

The holo pauses and you stare as she stands in your palm as if she were a ghost.  She stands tall and regal amongst everyone else.  You’ve noticed that she directs her attention to the viewers of the holo.  It was as if the senators before her were an afterthought.  

She wasn’t talking to them.  She was talking to people beyond.  You scoff amazed and shut off the transmission. The room goes back to being almost pitched black. So, the rumors were true. You hope they don’t find her out too quickly.  

He speaks suddenly amongst the silence that follows. 

“You should go visit before things start to get worse.” 

He scrapes his spoon along his bowl and you do the same. After eating another mouthful of rice you nod against him. 

“Yeah.” 

…

Ran was as conniving as ever.  He often wonders how he was able to get away with so much considering the amount of trouble he causes.  The amount of things he doesn’t say and hides away from the crew could downright bring everything in the station to a standstill.  

Din didn’t like the way Ran supposedly bumped into him at the right time, and that he was looking for an opportunity to talk to him in private.  He didn’t like the way he offered him a job that barely gave him enough details to find the hit on and he especially didn’t like the way he was asked not to tell you.  

A holo was placed in front of him.  A man with a tall and lanky build, thick frames as well illuminates in blue.  Ran described him as quiet, reserved and easy to detain.  He said it was going to be easy but the pay was extremely high.  

Din leaned back against the chair in Ran’s office and crossed his arms.  He didn’t feel right about this.

“What’s the catch?”  

Ran grins, “The catch is that there is no catch”  

Din rolls his eyes.  He always has been stupid.  It's a wonder he still has as many connections as he does now.  

The thing about Mando that Ran respects was how serious he could be.  Most of the crew called him callous because of the way he stared when someone tried to speak to him.  He purposely made people uncomfortable with his stoic demeanor and he knew Mando secretly enjoyed it.  The one person that wasn’t affected by his signature stare and his aura of haughtiness was you.  You did the exact same with others.   

Two closed off people canceled each other out.  Ran didn’t like how friendly you two had gotten. In his view of things it was better that nobody had any loyalties to each other. It made things run smoother, for him at least.  He’s pretty sure that one of the twins would shoot the other for the right amount of credits.  

“Why did you ask for me specifically? I only do jobs with the crew or with her.”  

Ran leaned in as if he were about to share a secret.

“I heard about what happened in Mandalore.  A real tragedy really.  The Great Purge is what they're calling it isn’t it?”  He readjusts himself upright on his chair opposite of the Mandalorian.  

He could practically feel the palpable discomfort and anger coming from where Mando was seated.  He clears his throat. 

“I just want to help my friend, that’s all.  Consider it a get well soon gift-” 

“No.”, Mando interrupts.  Ran suppresses the urge to smirk, as he stands and heads for the door. He didn’t want his charity.  He knew there was something more complex behind the job. 

Just as Mando was about to turn the hall, Ran shouted from his office.  

“Let me know when you're ready to take the job. You need to expand your horizons, take some solo action. It will always be available, just tell me when!” 

Din scowls from underneath his helmet and heads to the docking bay where he knows you're readying the ship to depart.

…

“Be safe.”

“I will.”

“Don’t start shit with anyone.”

“I won’t.” 

He adjusts the collar of your jacket gently.  His visor was trained directly at your face and you cleared your throat from how flustered you felt under his stare.  You two haven’t really talked about what happened the other day in the bunk.  

It was just accepted as the next step to something.  

He turns and fusses over a part of the net attached to the sides of the hull. He claims you haven't tied it well enough to keep your belongings safe.  

“You're just like my mother.”, you comment as you retie a knot he said was “horribly made”. He chuckles lowly. 

“I hope so. I don’t babysit for nothing.” 

You gasp in shock, and put a hand to your chest.  

“I’m appalled, Ruby. You really think of me as having the mentality of a child?” You whisper loudly, “After all we’ve been through, this is how you see me?”

His shoulders bounced but you couldn’t hear a sound come from his helmet. You grin.

“No, not you. I actually babysit-well, no- it’s more like I train actual children.” 

You look at him in confused awe.  

“What? Really?”

“Yes. It’s for the bettering of the covert.  This is the way.”  He failed to mention how much he genuinely enjoys spending time with the younglings.  He felt a great satisfaction from teaching another generation that can hopefully go on and explore the world instead of being stuck in hiding.  Even if some of them have their faces covered, he can still feel the way they looked up to him and held him in high regards.  

“Do they have cute little helmets like you?”, you stare up at him expectantly.  

“...Yes.” 

You squealed and wiggled in place. And to think just the day before you assassinated someone in cold blood. In your mind you imagine a small child with Mando’s exact armor.  The scuff marks and blaster shots included.  You can even imagine a little holster and pistol.  Of course, you couldn’t forget to add the little hip cock and signature belt grab in your little vision.  You giggle and coo uncontrollably. 

He demands you leave before you die of asphyxiation from laughing too hard as you made him prop his hip out. You laughed harder when he grumpily crossed his arms on his chest.  You finally quiet down when he pulls you closer to him by the waist and presses his cold and metallic forehead against yours.  For a moment you stare up and see your eyes reflected against his visor.  Sometimes you swear you see his own eyes staring back at you, but you know it was just a trick of the eye.

You wish you could see them one day.

“It’s a kiss.”

Your brows furrow. 

“When Mandalorians want to… show affection, when they greet or say goodbye, they bump their heads together.”  

Your eyes widen slightly and he swears he can see you shiver.  “Ah”, you nod in understanding. 

He’s never done this with anyone. Not even with those from the covert.  He’s not really in the know of wooing women, but the way you close your eyes and the way your eyes flutter when his hand goes up to caress your sides and up to your neck, makes him think he’s getting the hang of it. 

…

You wake up to something soft against your hand.  You sat up quickly, your hair in a mess and your vision blurry.  You quickly jump out of bed, reaching for your bedside table only to find none of your usual items there.  

You grab the lamp as you see a lump move around under sheets.  Your shoulders slump when you hear its purr. 

Your mother rushes in with a kitchen knife in hand. She looks around the room, scanning for any danger. She drops her knife to the bedside table with a gasp.  Ripping the sheets away and to the floor she scoops up the loth cat and coos at him.  It looks at you curiously.  You reach out to pet him but she backs away.  

“You didn’t hurt him, did you?”, she asks as she glares.

You frown.  

“You never know since you like to do those kinds of things.” 

“What things?”, you ask in annoyance.

“Hurting people.” 

She stands there scratching the cat behind his ears and staring at the floor, shifting her feet awkwardly as if you were going to do something.  You stare at her as she retreats away from the room.  You sigh deeply when the door closes and she calls from outside that breakfast is being served. 

You shouldn’t have come home.  You were initially homesick. To the point that you even started talking about your home world and how you missed it.  Din only encouraged you to pop in for a visit especially since your father was asking about it so much recently.  But the minute the front doors opened you could see the smile fade from your mother’s face. 

She seemed almost repulsed to be in your presence.  

The last time you were here they found out about your business relations.  They found out the truth about what you did to provide.  

As far as you're concerned your cousins don’t know what you do for a living.  Your parents try to not make their disdain known in front of everyone else.  You eat the porridge along with everyone else, acting as if your parents didn’t see you as a failure.  

You bring out some keychains from planets you’ve “visited”.  Most of your family thinks you're a pilot.  A chauffeur in a way.  That was the only way you justified being away for so long, along with traveling all the time. 

Your cousins scramble to get the ones they wanted.  You place one in front of your mother's plate and she frowns.  She only sees the blood of those you killed.  It was almost as if you could see the image in her head reflected in her eyes.  Your father picks it up and thanks you with a tight-lipped smile.

You start to pack your things.  Only packing the things that you knew would be further incriminating of your ‘violent tendencies’.  

You knock on the wooden frame.  Your parents startled. You wince.

“I'm heading out,” You point with your thumb towards the door. You adjust the strap on your shoulder  

“Might take a few days.”  

Your father frowns and your mother narrows her eyes.  She stands and crosses her arms. 

“What are you going to do now?  Ransack a business?” 

The rolling of your eyes prompts her further. 

“Steal a speeder. Rob a bank.  Threaten civilians.  What are you going to do next?”

You scoff. “I have never done any of those things.” 

“But you’ve murdered people.  Who knows what else you could do.” 

You start walking away.  She starts getting louder.  You open the door quickly and step onto the sidewalk.  The moon shines brightly.  You glance back as you walk away.  They're staring at you from the window.  

You walk faster.

…

He sent you the location a few hours ago. They needed to help some people off-world.  They were wanted by the empire, and they needed a ride.  You offered.  He didn’t even have to tell you any more information than that.  

“I'm doing this and I’m coming back right after. Deal?” 

Kes chuckles and clasps his hand in yours.  “Deal.” 

Everything went too smoothly. In the back of your mind, you knew something was going to happen. You were a little worried because of it.  You didn’t say anything though.  You can see some of the kids mixed in between the group stressed enough.  Apparently, they were ‘special’ kids.  You didn’t ask what that meant.  

You made it to a rebel base in the span of two days.  Ketal was muggy, clouds of gray covered the skies.  Kes told you it was normal for the time of year.  It didn’t help your already somber mood.  

“You should stay for a couple days. Rest.” 

He eyed you worriedly.  You didn’t look too good.  Your eyes were red rimmed and the bags under your eyes didn’t help your case.  

“Dameron! We need you over here.” 

You both turn to a woman standing on top of the stairs to a tower.  He grins and his eyes sparkle.  You chuckle as he almost trips over himself.  He pulls you with him and your smile fades.  

She extends her hand out to you, you grasp it.  Her grip is steady and strong, you reciprocate your interest piqued.  

“Shara Bey. Thank you for transporting them. You saved a lot of families.” 

You nod and purse your lips in a small smile. 

You nod along to the conversation in the makeshift meeting room.  The amount of supplies they need for the next shipment goes over your head.  You only caught that people were starting to leave base.  It was starting to be more dangerous staying in the inner rim.  They needed to move as quickly as possible.

You offered your help.  You did it without hesitation.  Everyone in the control tower looked at you as if you were a strange animal.  You lean against the wall and huff.  

“We need all the help we can get.”  

You look up to see a pair of glasses look up at you, he smiles at you reassuringly. Before the meeting started Kes and Shara mentioned he was in charge of intel and overriding imperial security systems.  Everyone nodded and you mouthed a thanks.  The meeting ends.  Everyone leaves to the cafeteria to eat.  You stay in the tower, watching as ships depart and arrive.

“You know you're getting deep into this, right?” Kes asks. 

You nod. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

He smiles warmly and crosses his arms as if he were proud.  

“Good. I’m glad. We could really use more people with your skill sets around.” 

You smirk. 

“Sure looks like it.”, you snorted.

He punches your shoulder and you both laugh.

…

You felt off the whole trip back to Alderaan.  It felt as if you had an itch in the back of your brain. The minute you landed the ship you felt as if something was wrong.  You were pretty sure the hangar wasn’t this empty at this hour, at least when you were here last. Maybe you were paranoid. The things you’ve seen recently weren’t reassuring. Then again Alderaan was starting to become too monitored, but you didn’t want to risk it. 

You contemplated calling Mando. He’s too far to reach you anyway.  You send a message to your father to have your things ready and near the entrance to the center to the city.  That way, when you were going to pick it up, you wouldn’t lead anyone to your family.  

You wait an hour inside the cockpit of the crest.  You get a ping.  

It’s there. Stay safe.

Your hood covers your face. You make sure you blend in with the crowds.  The sun was setting, and the streets were visibly getting more vacant by the minute.  You make a sharp turn to an alley.  You didn’t even see her as you walked towards your bag. 

“Don’t come back.” 

You freeze.  She didn’t care as you stared at her a few feet away.  She didn’t care that you looked devastated.  You should have seen it coming. 

“You're putting our family in danger.” 

In your bitterness you scowl and turn your back.  You shuffle the things in your bags as if you were checking it.

“It's better if you don't contact us anymore.” 

You didn’t fail to notice that all of your belongings were inside, including those you usually kept in the house even when you were gone.  Your eyes were too blurry to properly check. 

“Did you hear me?” 

You stand upright and sling the bag over your shoulder. 

“I won’t come back.”, you force out in a shout. 

With one last look at her you leave the alley.  That was the last time you saw her or anyone else for that matter.  You wish you could have seen her in the eyes.  Maybe then you would have seen the regret and heartbreak. 

…

The ramp lowered but you didn’t come out. He waited for a few minutes, but you didn’t come out.  He thinks back to the day you almost bled to death in his arms. He strode up the ramp, checking the bunk and then moving up the ladder towards the cockpit.  You were sitting still in the pilot’s seat, staring into your hands. 

He turns the seat and kneels in front of you.  You barely reacted, only glancing in his direction as he placed his hands on top of yours. You always come back numb from your trips back home.  This time he felt as if you were completely at a blank.  

The shock of his cold helmet against your forehead made you come back to yourself.  You tried so hard to control your face, but the way he whispered that he’s sorry made the lump in your throat broaden.  Your face curled in sorrow.  You started to curl into yourself, to make yourself small but he held you still.  Instead, you clung to him, hiccupping as you felt as if you were choking on your own spit and tears and snot.  

He carried you to his room, strategically avoiding areas where he knew everyone else were at.  Your head lolled against his shoulder.  In a way you felt like you were being babied but you didn’t really care, especially from the way he softly sat you on his mattress. 

You were left to your own thoughts or the lack thereof as he left to make you some tea.  He returns with a pot in one hand and a blindfold on the other.  You thank him quietly as he pours you a cup and hands it to you.  

You move to the floor, crossing your legs and sitting in front of him.  His hands push your hair to the side, you note he doesn't have his gloves on anymore, and brings the blindfold to your eyes.  He neatly ties the knot behind your head.  You sip the tea and breathe in the steam.  Your nose slightly clears.  

You sit and drink in silence as you lean against his chest.  Everything feels like routine, as if he was ready for this to happen. In a way he was, considering the other times you’ve returned tired and emotionally drained he did the same.  This felt more intimate, more careful. You finish and sigh.

“You want to talk?” 

“Family problems.”  you mumble as you turn to face him. He nods as if he understood you completely.  He’s never known, personally, what strifes you’ve had with your parents.  He knows that you love your cousins, but your parents were a whole other deal.  It’s complicated you say when he asks about them.  You were always put off by the questions about your parents.  

He thought you were being dramatic sometimes.  When you said how you didn’t want to see them at all, how you wish you would have left sooner.  It makes him sad. It made him think about his own parents, how he would never think of them that way if they were alive.  

Then again, he didn’t know their faults, he only remembers the good days, the days worth remembering. 

“What happened?”, he questions.  You sigh.  He can see your lips purse as you nervously adjust the blindfold over your eyes.

“I think my mom is scared of me.”  He doesn’t say anything, you're pretty sure no one could give you reassurances on that. Maybe you weren’t overreacting when you spoke of the way you felt as if your mother hated you. 

“She told me to leave, to keep everyone safe. I agree- I mean- I’m only going to attract danger to them.  I wasn’t going to go back either way so it’s fine-” 

He grabs your hand that was picking at the fabric wrapped around your eyes. 

“Breathe.” 

You didn’t notice your throat closing up or the way your heart was hammering against your chest.  You didn’t even notice the blindfold dampening.  

His hands find your waist and pull you towards him in a hug.

“I missed you.”, you whisper against his shoulder. Tears start to fall and your face crumbles once again.  He holds you steady until you start to calm again.  You wipe your nose with the sleeve of your tunic as tears stop running and groan. You didn’t like crying, not even in front of your loved ones.  It made you feel weak.  Embarrassed, you pat his chest and try to lighten the mood, “At least I still have you, Ruby.” 

He pushes you lightly and you frown.  

“What?-”

He kisses you.  His lips attach to the side of your mouth.  Your shocked still.  His hands glide over your back as he presses himself against you. He pulls back. 

“You'll always have me.”, he whispers ardently. 

You stay completely still.  He retracks and loosens his hold.  

“I’m sorry- was that-”

You lean into him.  Even if you can't see anything you close your eyes in bliss. You put every emotion into the way you press yourself against him. He guides you to lean back.  His hands moving over your body smoothly, as if he were trying to memorize every twitch of your body, every curve and shape.   

His lips trace over your face down your neck and over your arms.  He leads a path to your palms.  He lifts your hand to kiss each individual finger.  You shiver from the way his lips barely skim over your skin.  He backs away slowly and lifts you, sitting you in his bed delicately. Leaving tender kisses against your face and body he helps you out of your clothes. You help him out of his.  Your hands pass over his armor and you carefully pry it off of his flight suit.

It clangs against the floor and you realize this was the first time he’s ever done this.  He’s always told you how he doesn’t take his creed lightly.  Intimacy was almost nonexistent with Mandalorians.  Their armor and weapons were basically their second skin. 

He pushes you to lay on the bed fully exposed and at his attention. You bite your lip to stifle your moan as you feel him move on top of you, faintly rubbing himself against your thigh. 

His breath makes goosebumps rise over your body.  You twitch as his tongue peeks between his lips and grazes over your nipple, leaving kitten licks and making them pebble.  His other hand repeats the motions of his mouth.  You squirm.  The pitch black darkness makes your other senses amplified. You couldn’t define what you were feeling in exact words.  It felt as if you were being coaxed out gently.  As if you were being worshiped.  There was too much meaning behind his touches, it left a scorching trail over your body wherever he touched. 

His hand leaves your breast and takes your hand.  He guides your shaking palm against his collarbone and he trails it down.  He adjusts and straddles you.  You sink further into his sheets as your fingertips move against the muscles of his abdomen.  They tense and release in repetition.  

You move past his waist and towards his cock which stands at attention.  He squeezes your hand over himself.  He leans in closer, the head nudging open your folds.  His hips jerk up and bumps against your clit. 

“You drive me crazy.”, he huffs. 

You chuckle lightly and drag his hand over to your mound, pointedly pressing his palm against your nub.  His palm gets soaked as he moves on his own, creating a squelching sound from the wet stickiness accumulating over your cunt.  He’s seen holovids of rough touches and quick thrusts. He thought that was how sex was supposed to be like, quick and hard, full of screams of pleasure and rocking mattresses, but as he sinks himself into you slowly and you mewl softly to him he thinks that this was much better. 

He rocks into you gently and you roll your hips in time.  All the while his palm pulses against your nub.  You've never felt anything like this.  Your climax was building gradually as if the heat was bubbling inside of you. Instead of sharp peaks of pleasure you felt it simmering underneath your skin and slowly starting to build itself until you were over the edge.  

You clench around him tightly, your muscles tightening causing you to gasp out loudly from the pressure.  He tenses after you.  

He pulls out and you wince.  With half lidded eyes he watches as he floods towards his sheets.  Your thighs shake from the aftershocks of your orgasm, he gently kneads them and spreads them apart.  You start to get worried when his weight leaves the bed.  You try to grab onto his arm, but you miss, waving into the air.  

“Wait- where are you-” 

You hear a door close and you sink into the mattress below you. He just left and now you were laying there alone, naked.  You didn’t want to take the blindfold off in worry that he would come back.  If he was going to come back, you thought bitterly.  

You lay to the side and pull yourself into a ball.  Your family doesn’t want you, why would he?  Tears start to gather in your eyes and moisten the blindfold.  In your deprecating thoughts you didn’t hear the faucet running or him coming out with a towel in hand.  He touches your shoulder to grab your attention. 

You turn, slightly spooked and sniffle.  His hands cup your face quickly. He checks all over your body.  “Did I hurt you?!” 

You sniffle more. “W-what?”

He wipes the tears that escaped under the fabric covering your eyes.  

“Did I hurt you? Why are you crying?”

“You left.”

He pauses.  His initial reaction was to tease you, but the way your voice shook stopped him. Instead, he kneeled in front of you and spread your legs open tenderly, wiping you.  You hiss when he nudges your most sensitive areas with the towel.  

“Sorry.”, he apologies softly.  He throws the towel to the ground and encapsulates your body with his. Pulling his arm under your head you whisper back to him.

“It’s okay.” 

…

You slump against the window, counting the minutes that tick by as you get closer to Jatir.  You sigh as you feel a headache start from the center of your forehead.  You were filled with anxiety.  You should have known you would have crossed paths with him.  You're in the same business, it would have happened eventually.  

You’ve been slacking ever since you’ve heard he’s been occupied with the Empire recently. There were less chances of seeing him on the job.  You frankly were bitter enough to not care for the reason he was being chased down.  But, deep down, you knew you were worried and that annoyed you, especially since the rumor was that he had a child now, which was the target of leftover imperials.  You never asked for the gossip, it came to you.  It wasn’t your fault people were loud.

The speakers click and announce that passengers should start unloading to depart.  Luckily enough you didn’t bring much.  You never do.  You have been moving from place to place, there was no time to gather your belongings so you didn’t have any.  You had no home to store things in anyways, no family either.  You had no one, it's been that way for a while.  

You take a deep breath in.  You were reminded of why you hated Jatir so much.  It always smelled of raw sewage and grease.  You were basically a frequentist here but you never get used to the initial waft of stench that hits quick enough as you walk down the ramp.  

The building you were headed to stands tall above all the others.  You keep your head down as you bump and shove through crowds of laborers heading to factories in the opposite direction of where you were walking.  You pity them, but they probably pity you too.  Day in and out walking a few blocks to work in factories that barely gave them enough to survive. You thought the problem was maintained by the Empire but even after they’ve been deinstitutionalized you noticed that people in power have always been cruel.  They didn’t need an evil regime to give their workers the bare minimum.  

You reach the glass doors to the building in front of you and sigh.  One thing you knew, you still knew about Mando was that he was good at his job.  It was as if he was made for the hunt.  You should have known better.  

You're still as beautiful as the day he met you.  Your eyes meet his own and he sees the same hatred from the last time you’ve seen each other.  This time it was behind eyes full of contempt. His own rage builds up inside of him, but he feels sadness overtake everything else.  

You stride inside the building before he could utter a word. 

…

You expected to see him outside when you finished your transaction.  You just didn’t expect to feel a prick in the back of your neck, or feel arms wrap around you as you started to get disoriented.  You especially didn’t expect to wake up in a bed, covered in a thin blanket.

You sit up quickly, and the room spins momentarily, your guess from the drugs.  Awkwardly shoving the blanket away, you pat your legs and body finding that you were stripped of your weapons.  You groan as you realize who could have taken you, since the small razor you keep in between strands of your hair is gone.  You’ve only had one person know where you kept all of your knives in. 

“I thought you were dead.”, he says calmly.  

You only stare as he sits on the farthest corner away from you, next to a table with all of your belongings.  

“You were dead to me, I might as well have been to you.”, you say back. 

“That’s not fair-”

“Life’s not fair.”  

He moves his hands towards his helmet and pulls it up.  You stare in shock as he uncovers his entire face in mere seconds. You catch a glimpse of brown with hints of gray hairs along his hooked nose and scars you knew he didn’t have before. You quickly try to cover your eyes. 

“Kriff Mando, what are you doing?” 

He chuckles dryly.  “It’s not like you haven’t seen my face before.  My creed has been broken a long time ago.” He stands and walks in front of you, pulling your hands away from your eyes.  

He kneels so that his face is level to yours.  You can see that his eyes were starting to water.  Your vision is starting to blur and you bite your tongue as you struggle to keep the lump in your throat from suffocating you.  You couldn’t stand looking at him.  He had the same expression he had when you last saw him. Agony.

He sounded bitter and you almost flinched from his words.

“Don’t you remember?” 

Cause I belong in here, I said it. I'll never forget it. 

I'll admit it. You want to talk, I'm hanging up. 

I missed you, I messed up.

[caravelstan]

(too little) too late | s. kiszka

authors note: slowly starting to write again thanks to gvf so :P here’s another sammy one. i’m slowly working on a jake one so that may be posted as well. i also suck at endings so... im sorry!!!! anyways hope u like it lol again sorry if its rough i’m going on 4 years of absolutely no writing lol

pairing: sam kiszka x fem!reader

warnings: angst lol but then fluff????

word count: 1.6k

summary: right person, wrong time. will they finally get their chance?

Her hands still as she hears her phone ring from beside her, brows furrowed in confusion. She leans over to look at the caller ID and her heart sinks, seeing his name come across her screen.

Sam Kiszka is calling...

It's not like they hadn't spoken in years or months, it's probably been about a week since she heard from the boy. There's no bad blood, never has been, but that doesn't stop her stomach from dropping. She places her guitar on the ground next to her, reaching for her phone.

"Hello?" She says softly, already chewing on her thumb with nerves. She hears Sam take a deep breath on the other side.

"Y/N..." He says, voice quiet but filled with so much emotion. She frowns.

"What's up?"

She supposes he's at a bar with the rest of the boys because she can hear chatter and music in the background, muffled, so she assumes he's stepped outside.

"They're playing your song." Is all he says. She can't help but laugh, leaning back against the couch behind her.

"Gonna have to be more specific than that, Sammy." She teases.

He chuckles, but it sounds forced. "The one you wrote for me."

She goes silent. She knows exactly which song he's talking about and a wave of sadness washes over her. It'd been a song she wrote in over a night, so overcome with her feelings and the heartbreak of Sam getting into a relationship, and then overcome by the guilt she felt. She hadn't deserved to be upset with him getting into a relationship when she had done the same to him almost a year prior.

Right person, wrong time is what she refers to her relationship with Sam. Their timings were always wrong, but deep down, they both were hoping for the other to be the right one.

"Yeah?" She finally speaks up, voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah."

"Isn't that a bit depressing for a bar?" She tries to joke, but her laughter falls flat.

"Maybe," He's silent for a beat. "I never told you how beautiful I thought it was."

She smiles bashfully at the ground, watching her fingers pick at the carpet. "I never expected you to say anything about it."

"I never knew what to say. It's so... devastatingly beautiful. Josh cried the first time hearing it." She can hear the frown in his voice. "I'm sorry for doing that to you."

It's her turn to frown. "Sam..."

"Can I say something?" He cuts her off.

"Of course." Her frown deepens when she hears him take a shaky breath on the other end, her fingers clenching around her phone.

"It was always you, you know?" His voice sounds small, almost like a child getting scolded by their parents. It makes her stomach drop. "From the moment we met it was always you. I think I was too scared to admit that then and when I finally did it was... it was too late."

"That's in the past, Sammy." She says softly and tries to ignore the way her voice breaks at the end.

"I know, I just... never got to apologize. For doing that. To you."

"I'm sorry too." She doesn't realize there's tears in her eyes until she feels that familiar burn, a stray tear sliding down her cheeks.

They both stay silent and all she can hear from the other end is the sound of Sam's breathing and she tries to focus on that, eyes fluttering shut to calm herself down.

"I'd take it all back if I could."

"Why are you telling me this now?" She all but whines down the phone, eyes screwed shut as she tips her head back. The sound he makes on the other end is pitiful - a mix between a laugh and a cry.

"Because you're still the only thing I can think about," He says with a shaky voice. "Because no matter what I do, whenever I close my eyes all I see is you. Not her - you."

She should be angry at him. She should be yelling at him, telling him to go back inside to the boys and to her and to not call again. To stop thinking about her and them and to get over it because that's in the past, but she can't. She could never be mad at Sam.

"Sam," She breathes. "Why are you doing this?"

"I broke up with her."

Her breath hitches at his confession and she has to grip her phone in between her fingers, scared if she loosens them her phone will fall to the ground.

"When?"

"Um," He mumbles and she hears him sniffle. "A few months ago, actually."

"Why?"

He lets out a sad laugh. "She found out I still had feelings for you."

"Oh."

She's not sure how she should feel. Warmth washes over her body at the thought of him still having those same feelings for her, even after all this time, but she's still sad. She hadn't even done anything and yet she still was the cause for the end of Sam's relationship, something she promised herself she'd never do.

All she wanted was for Sam to be happy, and right now, he sounds anything but.

"Please say something."

Her heart lurches at his pleading tone and her eyes burn with fresh tears. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"That you still love me." His voice edged closer to a beg. "That I'm not too late this time."

"Sam..."

"Please." He begs.

"Of course I still love you,” She huffs out, reaching up to wipe at her nose. “I have loved you this entire time.”

She hears him let out a breath on the other end in only what she assumes is relief. She tries to smile at that, the warmth washing over her body again, but she can barely muster one up as more tears begin to fall. This has been the moment she’s been waiting for and all she feels is sadness.

This is not what she should be feeling right now.

She should be jumping for joy, proclaiming her love down the phone to Sam, but instead she’s sitting in silence with the boy on the other end. 

“Can I come and see you?” Sam finally speaks up, voice small. She sniffles.

“Why?”

“I want to tell you I love you to your face.” He says quietly. “I want to do this right. I want you.”

She stares down at the carpet again, a sad smile tugging at her lips. “And what if we’re too late?”

“I don’t think we are.”

Another silence fills the air but she doesn’t feel as heavy as she did just a few moments ago. She listens to Sam’s steady breathing on the other hand, her fingers picking at her leggings she wore. His words filled her with hope - only a bit. She tries to never get her hopes up with most things, especially with Sam, but she heard the determination in his voice. He was being serious.

“Alright,” She says, fighting the new and very real smile from forming on her lips. Her eyes flicker around the room before dropping back to her hands. “You could fly out this weekend?”

“Or tomorrow.” 

“Or this weekend.” She says, a laugh bubbling out of her from his eagerness. “You said you wanted to do this right.”

Sam sighs but she hears the smile in his voice. “I did say that, didn’t I?”

“I think you can wait a few more days.”

“I’d wait forever for you.”

Her cheeks heat up at his words and she can picture his smug grin on the other end.

“Always the romantic, Samuel.” She says with a roll of her eyes.

“I’m serious,” He says. “I’ve waited all this time, I’d wait even longer. I’ve wanted you for so long, Y/N.”

Her heartbeat quickens beneath her chest at his confession and she covers her mouth with her hand to keep in the squeal that wanted to escape, happiness finally filling her body. If this all works out, if this all goes as she hopes, maybe - just maybe - they could be happy. Together.

It’s all she’s ever wanted.

“Well, you won’t have to wait too much longer.”

“Not long at all.” Sam says. “I’m booking a flight once I go back inside.”

“That eager to see me?”

“You don’t even know the half of it.”

They both laugh together until silence fills them again, but this time it’s comfortable. She’s smiling at the ground, tears long gone, and mind wandering to the whirlwind of emotions she felt in the last thirty minutes. She never expected this conversation to happen, let alone it ending in Sam coming to see her.

“I should go. Josh just came out here and he’s looking at me like I’m crazy.”

She laughs. “Tell him I said hi.”

“I will.” Sam says, and she can just imagine the smile he’s sporting at this very moment. “I’ll see you in a few days, yeah?”

“Yeah, you will.”

There’s another beat of silence before Sam softly says, “I love you.”

Her heart flutters, cheeks hurting from how wide she’s smiling but she doesn’t care. Any other time she’d tease him, remembering him saying he wanted to tell her those three little words to her face. She’ll just wait to do it when he’s here with her.

Just the thought makes her heart race.

“I love you.”

They say their goodbyes and she hangs up the phone, sitting it on the ground beside her long forgotten guitar. She stares off into her room, basking in the silence. She’s not sure what will happen from here on out with her and Sam, but maybe this time is their chance to do it right. She tries not to think of the what ifs, finally allowing herself to be happy for once.

Happy with Sam.

A giggle escapes her at the thought and her smile never leaves her face, not until she falls asleep, dreams filled with the brown eyed boy she fell in love with years ago.