#But don't worry we know they are meant to be

[loathemetc]

Deltarune... Theory? WHAT IS GOING ON MAN.

The Spamton Sweepstakes have suddenly spawned a bunch of new pages and...! Frankly I can't even begin to try and crack them all, I have my sights set on a specific one. The page with the url /chapter5.

Which... Just looks like this.

Oh, but you can highlight it!

Okay so what do we got here. A tiny 1 in black text, a huge 2 in white text, a huge 3 in black text, a small 4 in white text, and a moderately sized 5 in white text. On top of that, they all have links, except 1 so that's 1 less thing to worry about.

The big white 2 links to d.ogg from the game's files (or d.mp3 on the website), which is the song that plays in the weird route right before the fight against Berdly, as soon as Noelle snaps out of her trance. So uh, already off to a concerning start!

The big black 3 links to ma.mp3, a sound effect that also plays over ooooon...

This new page, /romb. This is pretty obviously harkening back to what Seam said about our next powerful foe being impossible without the Shadow Mantle, so we can presume that's what the blank spaces here stand for. No Shadow Mantle, no Shadow Crystal cause you can't beat the third secret boss. Clicking these blank spaces plays the aforementioned ma.mp3.

The small white 4 just links back to /chapter4, which is a whole other puzzle thanking you and asking for your email? There's something about a "she" who "never smiled", really not sure what to make of this cause we know next to nothing about Chapter 4. I guess Chapter 4 wants our email?? Perhaps a tease for the new character, Spamton 2 Spamton... No nevermind.

The white 5 links to h.mp3, a very short snipper of a guitar melody, not one I think we've heard before. Could Mozart still be alive? Dess. I meant Dess.

Obviously these numbers represent the chapters somehow, but that raises so many questions. Why is Chapter 1 small and irrelevant? Why is Chapter 2 being represented by the weird route, and Chapter 3 its secret boss? What does the chapter 4 page even have to do with Chapter 4? Chapter 5 Dess Dess Chapter 5? What connects these seemingly disparate elements? Do the size of the numbers represent the size of the chapters? That would make every chapter bigger than 1, which I guess I could believe, and 2 being the biggest would make sense since Toby said it was supposed to be the biggest in the game (Although Chapter 3's long ass dev time might have brought it up to match with new ideas). That would make Chapter 4 and 5 smaller than 2, if this guess is even true, which it might not be. And why are 1 and 3 blacked out?? Toby said Chapter 3 was less story heavy and I guess you could say the same of Chapter 1.

Don't leave yet I'm still spitballing. Hey, if Chapter 2 is being represented by the weird route here, and Chapter 1, where we can't do the weird route, is blacked out... Is this telling us there won't be a weird route in Chapter 3, but will in 4 and 5? We have been guessing for a while that given Noelle won't be in Chapter 3 (UNLESS SHE JUST IS LOL HI UNUSED CHAPTER 3 MUSIC WITH HER THEME IN IT) the previous chapter's weird route events probably won't have much if any effect on Chapter 3's events, but obviously by 4 and 5 those consequences will start to manifest.

Frankly I don't think this is "solveable", the game isn't out yet. But I'm just gonna go with "The size of the numbers is the size of the chapter and the color of the number is whether there's a weird route or not" for now. That's my best guess in the moment. There's other elements here but I'm gonna let them sit cause I don't think we can do much with them.

Crazy that myhouse.wad and the Spamton Sweepstakes both got out of left field updates within like a month, huh?

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hi! So obvi we didn’t get much time w them together, but do you think w more time Sirius/Harry would have been more physically affectionate? It just kinda seemed like they were holding each other at a distance especially in ootp, w the one armed side hug, hand on shoulder etc.

And what do you think of the scene in the cupboard where Harry is venting his concerns to Sirius and Sirius kinda …sends him to bed and walks out lol do you think that’s more of Sirius keeping a distance?

I think Sirius is keeping a distance in OotP, but he isn't doing it for the sake of keeping distance. Also, that the scene you mentioned isn't quite that. I think keeping distance isn't his intention:

“Sirius,” Harry muttered, unable to stand it a moment longer. “Can I have a quick word? Er — now?” He walked into the dark pantry and Sirius followed. Without preamble Harry told his godfather every detail of the vision he had had, including the fact that he himself had been the snake who had attacked Mr. Weasley. When he paused for breath, Sirius said, “Did you tell Dumbledore this?” “Yes,” said Harry impatiently, “but he didn’t tell me what it meant. Well, he doesn’t tell me anything anymore. . . .” “I’m sure he would have told you if it was anything to worry about,” said Sirius steadily. “But that’s not all,” said Harry in a voice only a little above a whisper. “Sirius, I . . . I think I’m going mad. . . . Back in Dumbledore’s office, just before we took the Portkey . . . for a couple of seconds there I thought I was a snake, I felt like one — my scar really hurt when I was looking at Dumbledore — Sirius, I wanted to attack him —” He could only see a sliver of Sirius’s face; the rest was in darkness. “It must have been the aftermath of the vision, that’s all,” said Sirius. “You were still thinking of the dream or whatever it was and —” “It wasn’t that,” said Harry, shaking his head. “It was like something rose up inside me, like there’s a snake inside me —” “You need to sleep,” said Sirius firmly. “You’re going to have breakfast and then go upstairs to bed, and then you can go and see Arthur after lunch with the others. You’re in shock, Harry; you’re blaming yourself for something you only witnessed, and it’s lucky you did witness it or Arthur might have died. Just stop worrying. . . .” He clapped Harry on the shoulder and left the pantry, leaving Harry standing alone in the dark.

(OotP, Ch22)

Harry, as usual, seeks Sirius' advice when something is wrong. Sirius is the adult Harry trusts the most, so it isn't a surprise there. Sirius' reaction, though, is much less helpful than he usually is (especially back in GoF). And I think there are two contributing factors to it:

a. Being back in Grimmauld Place.

Being back in his childhood home brings back a lot of unpleasant memories for Sirius. He is depressed, he is imprisoned again in a place he thought he'd never return to, the Order and Dumbledore don't treat him like it's his house, and he knows he has no power over the Order, his own home, or what happens to Harry and he feels lost and scared and is trying not to show Harry any of that.

This scene shows some of it:

“Don’t worry,” Sirius said. Harry looked up and realized that Sirius had been watching him. “I’m sure they’re going to clear you, there’s definitely something in the International Statute of Secrecy about being allowed to use magic to save your own life.” “But if they do expel me,” said Harry, quietly, “can I come back here and live with you?” Sirius smiled sadly. “We’ll see.” “I’d feel a lot better about the hearing if I knew I didn’t have to go back to the Dursleys,” Harry pressed him. “They must be bad if you prefer this place,” said Sirius gloomily.

(OotP, Ch6)

Sirius lets Harry down not because he doesn't want Harry to live with him, we know he does, but it's because he knows he isn't making the decisions. He knows Harry would go wherever Dumbledore sends him, and he doesn't want to get Harry's (or his own) hopes up for something he knows he has no control over.

Not only that, but he knows him wanting Harry to get expelled and stay with him (which he wants) is selfish and would be to Harry's detriment. So, he's trying to not make it an option, neither for himself nor for Harry.

And we see he hides his depression from Harry. We know he drinks enough that Harry smells it on him:

Sirius was hurrying toward them all, looking anxious. He was unshaven and still in his day clothes; there was also a slightly Mundungus-like whiff of stale drink about him.

(OotP, Ch22)

But never in front of Harry. While Harry is at Grimmauld, Sirius doesn't drink and doesn't let himself lose himself, even if he wants to, because he is trying to be there for Harry. Whenever Harry says anything, Sirius immediately jumps to accommodate. Sirius cares, a lot, he's just in a shit mental state.

“Right — yeah,” said Harry distractedly. It was his last chance to tell Sirius to be careful; he turned, looked into his godfather’s face and opened his mouth to speak, but before he could do so Sirius was giving him a brief, one-armed hug. He said gruffly, “Look after yourself, Harry,” and next moment Harry found himself being shunted out into the icy winter air, with Tonks

(OotP, Ch24)

In the above scene, Harry wants to tell Sirius to be careful and watch out for himself, something Sirius doesn't want to hear. Sirius knows he is being self-destructive when Harry isn't around, and in the above scene, I always read it as him wanting to not promise Harry he'd be careful. Because if Harry asked him, he'd promise, and if he did, he'd feel inclined to keep his promise, which he isn't interested in doing. He wants to self-destruct, and he knows Harry wouldn't like it.

b. Dumbledore's orders.

We know Sirius was told by Dumbledore, Molly, Lupin, etc. that he shouldn't tell Harry the full story. Not only that, but Dumbledore told the Order about some of his suspicions regarding Harry being possessed by Voldemort:

“Yes,” said Mrs. Weasley. She sounded rather uneasy. “You know, Dumbledore seems almost to have been waiting for Harry to see something like this. . . .” “Yeah, well,” said Moody, “there’s something funny about the Potter kid, we all know that.” “Dumbledore seemed worried about Harry when I spoke to him this morning,” whispered Mrs. Weasley. “ ’Course he’s worried,” growled Moody. “The boy’s seeing things from inside You-Know-Who’s snake. . . . Obviously, Potter doesn’t realize what that means, but if You-Know-Who’s possessing him —”

(OotP, Ch22)

Dumbledore expected something like it, and even Molly noticed, Moody thinks it's obvious this is a case of possession — you think Sirius doesn't realize it? Sirius probably thinks like them, that Harry was temporarily passed by Voldemort, and he's terrified.

He shuts down Harry's fears in the pantry scene because these are probably his own fears, too. He is trying to convince both Harry and himself that Harry is fine and isn't possessed by Voldemort. That he isn't dangerous or in danger because he would be helpless to help him. And Sirius hates feeling like that. It's how he felt all the time in Grimmauld.

The scene in the pantry always read to me like very aggressive reassurance mixed with denial.

[jewishgirlrevolt]

8x17 Thoughts... Nope. Still done with Eddie Daiz--SPOILERS

Let's start with the good. LINDA!!! We got Linda. Linda was here. Did I mention Linda? I'm so happy to see Linda. I missed Linda. Linda Linda Linda.

Eddie and Hen being worried about Buck was good.

Karen being there for Athena. Karen, May, and Harry are confused about the white paint. We all are.

Jee running to hug Athena was super cute. IDK if it was scripted. But I loved it. Denny too. Also, I love Mara more.

Athena and Chimney's tension. I feel so much for both of them.

Buck needs a hug. He needs someone to ACTUALLY ask him how he's doing. The only people I've seen do that were Tommy in season 7 and Maddie last week. Buck is not ok. I wish someone would be there for him... and I guess Pepa was that. It was good to see her.

Now for the title of this post:

Eddie is a freaking asshole. All you had to do was say "Hey Buck, I think its time for me to go back to Texas, I'm going to miss you, call me if you need me." END OF STORY. It wouldn't have been that hard. Buck would have understood.

Saying "Someone was mean to you" or whatever is NOT an apology. And instead of apologizing he uses Chris and Pepa to distract Buck.

Like Holy Kirby. Bobby meant a lot to Buck. He was the Dad he wished he had and we KNOW Bobby loved Buck like a son. So for Eddie to dismiss Buck's feelings and act like Chris had more right to be upset (he did have a right to be upset, don't get me wrong) than Buck is just frustrating when Buck spent so much time with Bobby. Buck is allowed to have feelings. He's allowed to grieve Bobby and he's allowed to be upset that NO ONE actually told him Eddie had made the decision to return to Texas.

Also, Eddie almost actually hits Buck. This is the man people ship him with? I legit cannot believe I ever shipped this ship.

I hope he takes that job in El Paso and has a happy life because I legitimately can't.

[rexhya]

bakugo gets hit with a quirk which makes him super, SUPER nice to the first person he sees — ironically it’s a super bitchy reader ?! completely hot headed, clashing personalities. your choice // does reader take advantage of temporary puppy golden retriever katsuki, or no?

golden days — ✦ ✦

warn — crack, I had no clue if you meant exclusively to her or to the class so I just assumed >s<

incl — katsuki

It was Saturday when you arose sleepily from your bed, you were glad to finally have a day off in the ever bustling school. Of course It was late In the day by now, a trip to the common area seemed appropriate. Had you been on a normal schedule you would have immediately made your way to the training rooms however after all the hard work you'd put in on the days past you think you deserved a break.

In the common rooms you were met with more people than usual, in fact you think it was almost the entire UA class talking loudly in a circle, they were looking at something, or rather...someone.

You pushed through the crow, trying to depict what exactly had caused so much commotion. There on the ground was a close eyed Bakugou, he was completely still. Momo was next to him keeping two fingers on his neck.

"Fuck happened to him?" You asked bluntly.

"He's dead." Kaminari cried dramatically,

"Yes!" You cheered, your wildest dreams were finally coming true, Bakugo had finally been shut up. You didn't know who or what spell did this, but you cheered and thanked them anyways.

"Don't say that, he is not dead, he's just...passed out." Momo scolded.

You twisted a glare in Kaminari's direction. "Why would you get my hopes up like that, now I'll still have to deal with him after he wakes."

"Sorry.."

"He's been passed out since we got here, his heart is beating just fine but were beginning to get worried, could it be an abnormally deep sleep?" Momo wondered aloud.

"We should really inform a teacher, we can't just let him lie there." Iida said worriedly, they looked to be the only ones actually concerned for the poor boy. The rest of the class had eventually lost interest and so had you.

"Why not? It'd make everyone's lives so much easier." you scoffed, giving a dirty look to the lying boy.

"[Name] tha'ts--"Iida began.

"Let me stop you right there, listen Iida I don't think anyone here cares what you have to say about reviving the most obnoxious person in the class, in fact I think they'd love the opposite. Right guys?" You turned your head to a dispersed ground of students, completely oblivious to what you said. "See?"

A red strained mark appeared by the side of Iidas head, "Momo, I'm going go inform a teacher, you stay with him and make sure she doesn't kill him." Momo nodded and cast a wary glance at you.

"Oh don't look so scared, I'm not into girls like you anyway."

"I wasn't flirting with you, and what do you mean--"

Her sentence was cut short by the sound of a low groan. He was waking up. You immediately begin trying to suffocate him with the nearest pillow, "Shhh, this is all a dream. Go back to sleep." his body thrashed weakly against yours.

"[Name] stop!" Momo couldn't believe you were really trying to kill him.

"WHAT THE, fuuuuuckk..." Bakugou trailed off, the pillow was thrown across the room by this point, a very prominent and strange redness taking over his face.

You gagged, "Fuck are you looking at, dip shit." You braced for impact, on a usual day Katsuki would have you on your ass by now.

"Uh, you? Why are you straddling me?" he asked, calmly. You screeched and clambered off the golden haired boy. Bakugou asked you calmly, what the hell was happening?

Momo looked just confused as you, taking a cautious step back as Iida and Aizawa came bursting in. Well, mostly Iida, Aizawa was in a typical lethargic trail behind him.

You immediately turned his way, "Aizawa come quick, there's something wrong with him."

Bakugo cocked his head sideways cracking his neck, "I'm fucking fine." he grumbled as Aizawa examined him.

Your teacher yawned tiredly, "Thought he was passed out?"

"He was, he was when I was here, I guess he's awake now? Maybe we should take him to Recovery Girl, he was passed out for quite a long time really."

Aizawa nodded noncommittally, "Yeah, you do that. [Name] you take him, and please don't interrupt me again. Not unless one of you is really dying, thank you."

Iida sputted as he walked away and Bakugo rolled his eyes again. "I told you I'm fucking fine, just tired God, you guys interrupted my from my nap." Iida looked like he was going to say something but stopped himself, he'd had enough of todays antics.

"Right, in that case. [Name] have fun."

You hadn't moved a muscle as Bakugo grunted, his ruby eyes piercing yours. You didn't know what to say, had the comment been a fluke? But he hadn't said anything else to you since then, he couldn't have forgotten already could he?

"What?" he huffed, wondering why you were so intent on staring at him.

"You're, you're being weird." you stated. It was a fact, he was being weird.

Bakugo sat down, his eyes blinking innocently. (??) "No i'm not."

"You actually fucking are, right now actually. And why the fuck are you squinting so hard? God did the nap reset your brain or something?"

"I'm not. I just can't see your face well, actually can you come closer?" Bakugo pulled your wrist gently. (gently) But for some reason you didn't have it in you to pull away. You were sitting face to face now, and for what felt like the milionth time today, he surprised you, this time with a casual and glinting smile. It was It was probably the most genuine thing you'd seen from him, ever.

"You did your makeup today." he said, and suddenly you felt very self aware of your face.

"Yeah, whats the issue."

"No issue, it looks good. You look good." You almost blushed.

"Are you fucking with ne right now?" you inquired at the blinking Katsuki.

He cocked his head cutely, "No! Why would I be?"

You stared at him silently, his eyes now that you realized it were perfect crimsion, it had a sort of pinkish tint that came you come to a conclusion about Katsuki faster than you ever had before.

"You got hit by a quirk."

✦ ✦

The weeks followinf Katsuki's life were ones his concious self wished he couldn't remember, you had completely and utterly taken advantage of him.

"Kat, hand me that." and he would without a moments hesitattion. It got so bad some people began to think you guys were dating.

"What! No of course not, have you even met the real him? Not a chance." But didn't stop the racing of your heart or the fluttering of your tummy when theyd said it.

"[Name]? You good, why'd you stop." a familiar voice called, it was Bakugou. Every day since he was turned you've been making him hold your bag and walk you to class. However now as you were looking more closely, you realized how weird this was, I mean sure taking advantage of him was in all ways convenient for you but it wasn't like you needed to depend on him. And that's tottally what it looked like you were doing right now.

From then on there you completely avoided Katsuki, especially in class. You wouldn't even acknowledge him in the hallways anymore. Katsuki, still stubborn as ever even with the spell, notices immediately and seeks you out everywhere.

"[Name], wait up!" you speed down the hallway as you hear the voice. Chanting a prayer he doesn't catch up to you.

He cathces up, "Hey wait, where are you going. I know you heard me I need to talk to you."

You snatch your arm away from his grip, masking your embarrassment with anger. "What, what do you want, this is getting creepy you know. Yiu can't just follow somone around. Thats called stalking."

"Why are you avoiding me?" he asked in a tone thats too soft for his gruff voice.

"I-I'm not." But you curse yourself for stuttering.

"Yes you have, I've been with you nearly all week and now all of a sudden you don't want me around?" The way he's said it made you feel strange.

You don't want me around? He sounded hurt, and for no reason at all it made you feel uncomfortable.

"I-I just.." You couldn't think of an answer, why had you really bern avoiding him? The answer was obvious. "You don't even really care, so why are you asking me this.."

Bakugou was confused, "Of course I care. You're my friend."

His friend.

Not his enemy.

"Sure," God why did you have to be the first person he saw? "Me forcing you to do all that stuff isn't very friendly."

Bakugou frowned, "Hey, you know no one could make me do anything I wouldn't want to do to. I like you, why wouldn't i want to do thoes things for you?"

That caught your attention, "Like me?" he nodded.

"But I'm such a bitch." it was a statement and Katsuki finally did something in character and agreed.

"And so am I." you smiled.

"When you wake up from this, I want you to know I regret nothing." Bakugou didn't look worried, in fact he loomed relieved.

"Oh I know, you're not the one thats going to be regretting this."

++ bonus !!

[minzart]

Beggars can't be choosers(5)

Ao3 - Prev - Next

Decepticons & Reader(GN), Skywarp & Reader(GN), Rumble & Reader(GN) ,Thundercracker & Reader(GN)

You find an "automatic" tank busted in the middle of the night, and as the good millitar Mechanic that you are, you fix it

Or, the Decepticons don't have a trained doctor(yet), and you just volunteered as a substitute by their leaders' logic and standards

You had to walk over 3 hours to get to your job, but fuck if it wasn't worth it, with a convenient lie here and there you could access the showers, earning a cold bath, but a bath nonetheless, you had to convince Rumble to stay in your bag but better that than the unconfortable chance of him asking why are you ashamed of being nude

The dreadful feeling of how the fuck were you meant to misdirect a parts shipment was momentarily ignored during the morning. You focused on your job, in some moments, when it was you and your colegues, you could pretend everything was normal again... then the second you were alone, Rumble would pop in and start talking smack of what he had heard from your previous conversation, sometimes he was paying more attention than you were at those

His perspective of the conversations are quite funny tho, wich balances the awareness of constant surveillance that he is to you

"I'm just saying, maybe she sould be less of a Glitch if she wants that promotion sooo bad" he says to you as you work on a new tank model, this one not being secretary alive thankfully... hopefully, please don't be alive

"It's been some hard months to her" you roll a big wheel to possition, ready to take the old one out "let her be a bit mean"

"You are just saying that because she is your superior" the caccette snicker "I saw your face contort when she called your work sloopy"

You huff, rolling the old wheel out of the way "shut up"

"See! Oh! Hey human, you busy?" You look at him, in caccette mode at the nearest table, while you were making heavy work of changing a tanks big old wheels

"Guess"

"We are going to have a visitor- HIM?! WHY HIM?!" You see the caccetticon jump angrily from side to side "ughhhh I should've let Frenzy come if this is who I'll be seeing today"

You freeze, gathering all your courage and walk very calmly, ever so casual, to the work table, pretending to be reading the spread street of the model you are working on, ever so aware of the cameras surrounding you now, and says "who's coming?"

"Skywarp, that overcooked turkey" Rumble murmurs annoyed

"He's... a jet or a tank?"

"Jet..."

"Tell him to park at hagar 11" you move your hands over the spread sheet "the cameras are wonky there since last years black-out, it's usualy free for us to take a break now, but every once in a while a pilot will park there and we'll have to move over for the maintainence team"

"Got it"

"I am serious, if he lands anywere else and I get caught or one of you guys do, I will be useless to your cause and you probably captured and studied under a, not so gentle, science team"

"Oh, don't worry about that, Skywarp would be fine... we, on the other hand... I could just blow this place up"

"For more of the technological advantage and size that you have, we humans are like cockrouches, hard to kill, harder to get rid off, you may escape but your existence would become publicly, from what I understand you guys don't want that"

"Fair... here, done, now stop complaining!"

"Thank you"

"Don't mention it..." but you see the little jump of surprise the caccette gave when you thanked him, an amused smile coming to your face "stop looking at me like that!"

"Fine,fine, how long untill our guest arrives?"

"Knowing him? One human hour, a little bit more, an arc"

"That fast?"

"Seekers" you can hear the roll of optics

"Got it" you go back to the tank and finish its maintenance quickly, heading out to hagar 11, and praying no-one is there for now

It was, in fact, not empty, but you had some time to kill, so you gave a warning to everyone and marked the room as "in use," putting cones around the outside area, no-one questioned you, there was no reason to, for now, tomorrow was another story

You hear the familiar turbins of jets and planes while waiting for your new patient, watching from afar as pilots jumped off and in their planes, the place was busy, paint work, maintenance, cargo, a little bit of everything happening today, not unusual

Then you see a black and purple jet approaching quickly, if it weren't for the unfamiliar color scheme, you would have confused him for a usual warmachine, unlike the other seeker you know, this one's turbins don't make a diferent sound

You wonder if it's intentional on his part or not

Picking the sinalizers, you start the procedure for his landing, keeping up the charade, he lands without issue, and enters inside the hangar "bit more to the left!"

You guide, carefully thinking a position where the cameras wouldn't capture you that well, mindful of his emblem in both wings, you had to hide those before someone barges in

"This place looks like trash" you hear the jet complain

"Quieter!" You scold him

"Don't tell me what to do human" you see the two blasters slide to your direction, a purple glow emanating from them "you are lucky our lord thinks you are useful"

"And you would disapoint him if you blew up this cover" you bluff, heart beating fast in face of the charging alien guns "so do as I say, and be quieter"

"..." the weapons cool off "fine"

"Oh wow, I thought you couldn't shut up!" Rumble snickers from your pocket

"Rumble?!" You hear the jet, this time his voice more quieter, someone could belive a pilot was inside him graced with a loud voice from birth, better than the booming from before "you are playing human-keeper now?HA!"

"Oh shove it up your aft Skywarp, would you?" The caccette jumps off your pocket and transforms, hands on hip joints "at least I am not the one having a check-up with the little doctor, what did you broke this time?"

"For your information I did nothing!"

"Go back to caccette mode" you shove the big lavender alien against a pile of boxes "someone could see you"

"This is merely a request from lord Megatron" the caccette shows his silver tongue, they have tongues, alright, fuck, what the hell, why wouldn't they "a test for the human"

You pick Rumble up and leave him on top of the boxes, rolling your eyes at Skywarp answer, you are starting to suspect that whatever test you should be having you already passed, and now the warlord was just using that as an easy way to convince the more stuborn mechs to come to you.... wich seems to be all of them

"Enough with the talk, let me in, I need to do my job" you pull the big metal ladder from it's resting place, tool box in hand

"Ew, you are getting inside of me?" You can see the plane scrunching in itself in disgust "with those gruby hands, fat chance"

You sigh loudly "I'll desynthesize you after, now stop being a baby"

"What's a baby?" Rumble asks from down bellow

"Tinny human that only cries, eat and poops"

"HA! THAT IS SKYWARP- wait what is poops?"

"SHUT UP!" You hear his blasters caring again

"Alright, fine, I won't get in!" You quickly pull the ladder off, ignoring Rumbles' question and paccing around the place "I'll still have to touch you for a check-up"

"As long as you are not inside my cockpit" you hear his guns power down again, great, a trigger happy bitch "I can deal with the rest"

"Deal"

Just like that you start your work, turbins functional, motor in very good condition, estabelizers well fixed in place, joints needing oil but that's nothing compared to what you had to do before

No energon leaks, his landing wheel, however, needed to be changed, you didn't knew if they expanded to a bigger part of his body or not, depending on where they were stored in his other form you couldn't replace them without breaking or denting him

"Your wheels" you stretch out, your joints begging for a break "do they expand when you transform?"

"What?"

You gently kick the landing gear "this part of you, have you noticed if it changed when in your Cybertronian form?"

"Not really..." he thinks

"Alright, this I'll have to check on the base later, because outside of your used up wheels you are good to go"

"That's it?" You hear the disbelief in the mechs voice "no need to open me up and check my circuits? How do you know I'm even sane!"

"You are a bit trigger happy for my tastes, but nothing too out of it from your leader, and I am not a therapist, kidnap another human for that, one that at least has the right degree this time, I didn't do robotics y'know"

"Are you calling lord Megatron crazy?!" You hear for the tenth time his weapons power up, now so used to it you don't cower anymore

"I am saying he has anger issues, and he will need to check that after whatever war is going on pass if he wishes to finally have peace with himself" you clean your hands "not that he is crazy, and neither are you, just traumatized in diferent ways, probably"

"..." again, the weapons cool down "you are weird..."

"I know, right?" Rumble says after a while only observing you work

You roll your eyes and say nothing, guiding your guest out of the hangar, without any more words, he takes off and you watch the black and purple jet grow ever small in the horizon, then he shines purple, and like a trick of the light, he glitches in the same place and suddenly... he is gone

You look at Rumble shocked "what did just happen?!"

"What? Never saw a jet teleport before?" He laughs

"HE CAN TELEPO- warp, of course, of course he can. Why wouldn't he be able to teleport, I should stop questioning things at this point"

..............................

You had fucked up, that's the only thought plagging your mind as you enter your superiors office, the comander ever stoic greets your with a nod and polite acknowledged "do you know why you are here?"

"No sir" you answer honestly, anxiety eating you alive "I was just informed to come talk to you"

"I see, good, it makes this easier" he takes a contract from his desk, and slides it to you "read it and sign on the doted lines, congratulations"

"Congratulations...?" You pick up the papers, the caccette in your pocket swirls in amusement as you gasp, a promotion "I-thank you very much, sir!"

Chief of maintenance and test operations, chief mechanic, a huge pay upgrade, how? You weren't the most competent one, nor the most proactive or suck up, how was this decided, your mind runs with questions as you walk slowly by the corridor, the time to go "home" finally came

And now, of all times too, you couldn't even commemorate properly without fake smiles, playing the part of a lucky and hard earned rewarded worker

"How...?" You murmur walking by the road side to the middle of the deserted area

"Sooo" you hear Rumble say "how did you like the gift?"

"..." You stop, picking the caccette from it's resting place in your backpack "you did this?"

"Eh... yes, while you were occupied, really your human communication conection isn't hard to break in" now that night falls the caccette transforms, and walks beside you "a context here, some names there, a mensage for one then to another and bam, mission accomplished just like lord Megatron desired"

"Why?"

"Something about an advantage to the cause by your missions success"

"..." Oh... it's so you can directly have access to the shipment and personally request the parts "makes sense"

The walk continues, and from a brief second, you think you say something parked up ahead, something shaped like your bike, but it was just your wishful thinking, it was only Thundercracker

"At this point I'll start calling you my designated driver" you wave at him, body tired from work and walk

The blue seeker hufs, no smile on sight, but no frown either "I am the only one open to the idea of it, just don't expect me at your back and call every time you need to go somewhere without previous warning"

He transforms, and you climb inside, Rumble jumping in and waiting for you in caccette mode on the pilot seat , he takes off after you secured yourself and your precious backpack

"So..." You start "how was your day?"

"Smooth" Rumble says, you roll your eyes

"Do you have a better topic than this for a four to three hours flight or do you want to stay quiet during it?" You grumble

"I may not be allowed to disclose details to humans" Thundercracker answers anyways

"I'm not asking for missions report, just, what did you do besides those y'know? Free time or something stupid you saw, those things"

You feel the jet hum rather than hear him "I see... Skywarp was acting strange today, he tried to transform while seeing his own feet several times, it was funny to see him tumble down"

"Please tell Reflector caugh those moments, Please!" Rumble begs

"Ask him yourself..."

"I can't belive he actualy tried to see his wheels change" you hold back a laugh "he could have just waited for me, is he always this impatient?"

"You have no ideia"

"Speaking of Skywarp... he can teleport is that... normal to you guys?"

"Ah... this explains why he went into recharge when he got back" the jet murmurs

"Yes and no" Rumble answers "these guys won't say if they were born with it or acquire it. Honestly, my best guess is that Starscream modified them in their recharge"

"If the comander wishes to keep this between ourselves, I won't divulgue the truth to anyone else"

"So you do have a special hability like that?" You fishiout

"An anoying one" Rumble grumbles "so loud"

"Not my fault that you don't run the second you hear me coming"

"How am I to run when you come already blasting that Primus-forsaken high pithched sound!"

"Like super sonic booms? Fascinating... you use it offten?"

"Those habilities offten costs too much energy to use, not effective for constant battle"

"I thought you wouldn't divulge any information for a human" Rumble teases

"It is nothing any other bot doesn't know already, only fair to share it with our medic"

"Thanks"

"You are too polite fleshie" "you are welcome"

..............................

Getting back on the Decepticon base, you imediatly went to the medical wing, asking Rumble and Thundercracker to pass a mensage to Skywarp that you wanted to see him, Rumble rolled his optics and passed the task soly to Thundercracker, who complied without fuss

Nothing was unusual, your things still clutered by the side on the ground, maybe you could convince one of them to move a metal box and make a better rest area, the exposed feeling that you had when sleeping was not helping you to actually rest at night

You hear the heavy sound of pads approaching and get ready to greet your patient

Skywarp didn't make too much of a fuss this time, transforming twice for you to analyze his form, luckly he didn't expand the wheels, wich means you could change them properly without risking deeper damage

"Good, pass by tomorrow in my work again, I'll be able to change your wheels, and you will have more control over your landing again, no problem"

"Tsk, my landing is perfect"

"But it could feel better, right?"

"... I guess"

"So you are good to go" you gently pat his pads

He sides steps you, like you were a angry dog ready to bite his ankles, somehow you scared him off, odd... better him scared than angry tho, and finaly Skywarp leaves

You can't rest yet however, as you can hear arguing getting closer and closer to you

"I already said I'm fine!" That was Thundercracker

"The deal was to pass in this mediocre doctor or so help me Primus you stuborn jet!" And this is a scratchy electronic voice

On cue, they enter, the blue seeker being forcefully dragged by the red one, Thundercracker is pushed forward into your direction and Starscream leans by the door, blocking the passage and observing the blue mechs actions

"Hey" you wave at your friendly seeker

He sighs "hello... this is a pointless check up"

"You will do as I say" the red seeker says nonchalantly "or you will have to recharge here, without a proper berth, and be too exhausted for tomorrows patrol, leaving our poor base vulnerable to Autobots attacks"

"You are... so anoying when doing your actual job"

"It suits me, doesn't it?" he teases, and Thundercracker transforms

As expected he was far better than before, apparently the last black spots were only from close calls and not direct hits, his leaking pipes were healing, much like Megatrons, but there was no necessity to change or apply more tape, the wholes were small, and almost fully consumed by the living metal, and perhaps these pipes weren't that much stretched and used by Thundecrackers alt-form, making the makeshift bandages you did still looking like new

During your inspection, you felt red optics following your every move and judgment in them, you are pretty sure Soundwave did the same when you worked on Ravage the day before, but you were too focused to notice because of the tension, or he just knows how to stare quietly

Due to that, however, you kept quiet during it all, too intimidated to make small talk

"Done" you announce, closing his cockpit "everything good around here, your wunds are healing nicely and no critical dents, you are good to go"

You jump off and he de-transforms, looking dead panned at his officer "happy now?"

"Hardly, is this what you call a report human?" He sneers at you "I could do better than that when I was still a novice"

You look annoyed at him, taking a deep breath, and pulling your best official posture "of course sir, my apologies, status report: the patient seems to be making considerate progress to be back at 100% health, his wunds are closing nicely and no proeminent malfunction has been detected in his exterior or interior hardware, permission not granted for software evaluation, no need for spare parts in the present moment, may he proceed away from harm his recovery is guarantee in perhaps 3 to 7 days, any questions?"

Both seekers stared at you, shocked by your speech, Starscream engines pick up, and his vents loudly protest, his wings flickering rapidly"no... dismissed"

"I told you, he got a millitar human"

"Shut it, back to patrol with you" they left as they entered, but this time, Thundercracker waved a goodbye at you, a mischievous smile in his face

Finally you dropped in your small pile made of a thin blanket and clothes you found in "lost and founds" today at your job, singing tiredly at the bright ceiling, this was your life now, better get used to it

[chipthekeeper]

kiss scene breakdown no one asked for! i meant to have more of a preamble but you don't actually need that. bullets!

not even touching on the lead-in conversation or we could be here all day (the softness!!!! the palpable nerves around each other!!! omg!!!!!!), just know that.....i'll never be the same again

anyway. important for me to note even if we don't really see it that cinta must be on her knees for this whole thing. like?!?!! i'm incoherent already and this is the second bullet

so much pain and regret on cinta's face for all the time they've lost :((((

lots of stuttering breaths and heavy breathing and i don't have an inhaler but i NEEd one

cinta reaches out for vel's face and NEVER lets go

PROLONGED. FOREHEAD. TOUCH.

vel clearly being anxious and waiting and needing cinta to be the first one to make the move -> very much to me would be a mirror of the first time they did this, in accordance with faye's answer to that one question of who'd admit their feelings first (i could make a whole other post about this aspect of it. it may or may not be already written?)

cinta maybe still worried and taking it slow but vel leaning in to give permission even though she's not going to go first

cinta finally going for it and vel's hand immediately going to her face as well

a kiss! a brief break away. another kiss! all soft and careful and devastating to me personally. like how are they able to fit this much yearning into an actual kiss

after another tiny break they're all in on the third one. vel opens her eyes for the tiniest peek to check and then fully pulls cinta in closer to her like she's been starving for years. oh wait, she has!

cinta finally pulling back again but the forehead connection remains and the hand stays on vel's face, she is not letting her get away!!! and vel is still hungry lol but cinta.....cinta smiles through all the heavy feelings and just rubs her thumb along vel's cheek and for one absolutely perfect moment in time, everything is exactly how it should be

and nothing bad happened to them ever again yaaaayyyy!!!!

[caplanbuckybarnes]

3Am Fights

Summary: You confront Sam for cheating on you.

Warnings: angst, cheating Sam, swearing, alcohol use, drunken Sam

WC: 890

Read on ao3!

A/N: i could have written this so much better but i literally don't care, LOL.

The sound of the key turning in the lock was soft—hesitant, like even the metal wasn’t sure it wanted to let him back in. The door creaked open slowly, hinges protesting in the silence of 3:47 a.m.

You were already awake. You hadn’t even tried to sleep.

The bed beside you had been cold for hours. So instead of rest, you stared at the ceiling with tears drying on your cheeks, gripping the sheets like they were the only thing anchoring you to the version of your life you thought you had. A version where he still chose you.

But now you listened as Sam stumbled inside, the heavy thud of his boots hitting the floor echoing through the apartment like a taunt.

He was drunk. You could tell by the way his keys slipped from his hands and clattered to the hardwood. By the uneven rhythm of his steps. By the way he swore under his breath when he tripped over the jacket he’d tossed on the couch yesterday and never picked up.

You sat up, switching on the lamp with a steady hand even though your heart pounded like a war drum in your chest.

“Did you have fun?”

His silhouette froze in the hallway. He was just a shadow there—towering, familiar, wrong. The kind of wrong that hurts in your bones. He didn’t speak, just stood there like he didn’t know whether to keep walking or turn around and disappear.

“You heard me,” you said, louder now. “Was she worth it?”

Sam stepped forward, finally, into the light. His shirt was wrinkled, misbuttoned. His hair was a mess, sticking up at odd angles like someone had run their hands through it a thousand times. Lipstick—not yours—was smudged faintly on the curve of his jaw.

He smelled like alcohol. Like perfume. Like everything you weren’t.

“Don’t start with this,” he muttered, voice low, tired. So tired, like you were the one exhausting him.

You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “Don’t start? Sam, this started months ago. When you stopped coming home before midnight. When you stopped texting. When you stopped looking at me like I was someone you wanted.”

He ran a hand down his face, slow and heavy. “I didn’t come here to fight.”

“No, I bet you didn’t. You probably thought I’d be asleep, huh? Thought you’d sneak in, crawl into bed, let me hold onto a lie for another night.”

He stayed quiet. Which hurt more than yelling would have.

“I know you’re cheating on me,” you said. There. Out loud. The words tasted like ash and betrayal and something sharp enough to cut you open.

Still, he said nothing.

“You could at least lie, Sam. At least pretend like you regret it. Make it harder for me to hate you.”

Finally, his eyes met yours—bloodshot, hollow, distant. “I never meant to hurt you.”

God, those words. That pathetic, recycled excuse.

“You didn’t mean to?” Your voice broke, rising. “You didn’t mean to take off your ring when you were with her? Didn’t mean to disappear for hours, not answer my calls, not care if I was worried or scared or wondering if you were dead in a ditch—or just in someone else’s bed?”

He winced, just a flicker. But it wasn’t enough.

“I thought we were building something real,” you whispered, arms wrapped around yourself like you could keep your heart from falling apart. “I thought I was enough.”

“I don’t know how to do this,” Sam said. “I—I thought I could. But I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t know how to stay.”

You stared at him. Really looked at him.

This wasn’t the man who used to kiss your shoulder in the morning before coffee. The one who left notes on your dashboard just because. The one who held you like the world could crumble around you and he’d keep it back with nothing but his arms.

That man was gone. Or maybe he never existed outside of your hope.

“Don’t you dare make this about your damage,” you said, voice shaking with the force of what you were holding back. “Don’t you dare twist this into something you couldn’t help. You chose this. You walked into that bar, into her arms. You made this bed.”

Sam stepped back like you’d slapped him, jaw tight, eyes flicking away.

“She didn’t even let you stay, did she?” you asked, voice quieter now. Meaner. Sharper. “Is that why you’re here? Because she didn’t want to deal with you after last call?”

That hit its mark. His eyes met yours again—and this time there was something in them. Shame, maybe. But not enough.

“I don’t want you in this bed,” you said. “Not after you’ve been in hers.”

He opened his mouth to speak, but you were already out of the bed, walking past him, heart pounding in your ears.

“Get out, Sam.”

“Y/N…”

“Get out. And don’t come back until you can look me in the eye and tell me you never loved me. Because if you can’t do that—then you don’t deserve the pieces you broke.”

You didn’t watch him leave.

You listened to the door click shut.

And you cried.

God, you cried.

[liesineyes]

Been having a rough time lately, but honestly Pit Babe is a saving grace amidst all of the tension. My mind is such a mush right now I can barely think. Here's me trying to articulate my thoughts because I have nothing else to do, forgive me if I offend anyone with my opinion.

Pit Babe Episode 2 (Season 2)

I am genuinely a very big fan of miscommunication tropes because they always work from whatever angle you put them from. I like how it seems to be the most common trope for almost all of our couples in season two.

That being said, I am not a fan of how Babe talks to Charlie this season. I blame the writing to be honest, or maybe this is just the novel lover in me speaking but I tried to ignore it in the first episode, in the second though, Babe saying he might find someone new if Charlie keeps losing (I am assuming that's what he meant in literal sense since they were talking about the racing) against Willy. The teasing/joke didn't land, but since everyone is against Babe for it, I have grown protective of him. Giving him lots of grace here, because I understand their dynamic had never been healthy from the start.

The angry fucking was kinky, but Charlie being angry and Babe not knowing his boyfriend is angry fucking - I am not sure if I like that. At this point, I feel Babe is somewhat bitter that Charlie spends most of his time in the lab and that makes him act like this. (Also why did he hide about Willy from Charlie? I mean Charlie only asked once if Babe thinks Willy is better than him, did he think Charlie would fight with him over it? Also, why did Charlie not talk about the picture he saw?)

I genuinely think both of them, at one point are going to crash. Babe is going to do something stupid and we know Charlie's fate and I don't like the picture of Charlie getting hurt after a fight with Babe. 😭 They need to stop giving that kind of trauma to Babe.

I feel like some of the scenes are dragged out, because they need to fill the time but that's just me, I guess.

Alan and Jeff are cute, and again, Jeff hiding such a big thing from Alan just feels weird. What is the point of hiding at this point? Does he think Alan will worry? I mean yeah? That's it right? Maybe it is because Jeff is not used to sharing his problems but I would have liked if they shed some light over his thoughts here.

I liked Kenta turning down Tony's offer the most in this episode. That "I don't have a dad" was bang on. Kim was missed dearly but I have a feeling we are getting the roommates arc next week.

North and Sonic - I have a feeling Sonic is going to be blackmailed by whoever he is talking too but I am not sure how that would work out. I feel so bad for North though, like did you see his face?

Willy being the Alpha Tony planted to put X Hunter down makes the most sense. Because Willy has powers that helped him win the race, which resulted in Babe being like this and then issues between Babe and Charlie. Means, Babe is even more off balance, and if he is off balance, X hunter is off balance.

I never thought I would say this, but Dean is a pookie, really, that's it.

[gaylordscooter]

[A pile of carefully torn-out pages sit stacked neatly inside a drawer]

entry number 1

I've lost everything. my brother, my friends, my house, my universe. all of it is just gone now

to top things off, the last thing i was doing was running away from temmie. i thought they were my friend, but after they got the six human souls somehow, they went on a rampage and started killing the remaining monsters left and right.

the only reason i escaped was because this otherworldly being dragged me through a body of water and brought me somewhere else.

this being's name is ink, they're a skeleton like me—they even look like me.

It was explained to me that my universe shattered from "too many plot holes" and i didn't know what that meant! what do you mean my world has too many "plot holes" it's not like it's a STORY.

WELL APPARENTLY IT IS A STORY. AND I DONT LIKE THINKING ABOUT THAT FOR TOO LONG.

So anyway, alternate realities are in fact real and there's a whole multiverse. Cool. Awesome. I just want to go home and for everything to go back to normal

But apparently my universe is completely gone, it doesn't exist i'm the only thing that remains from it. while there are some universes that have parallel realities mine was the only one if it's kind.

COOL. AWESOME. I'M BEING NORMAL ABOUT THIS.

IM THE ONLY THING THAT REMAINS OF MY UNIVERSE. MY UNIVERSE DOESNT EVEN EXIST ANYMORE. WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO. WHAT DO I EVEN DO? THIS "INK" PERSON IS WEIRD

When I was freaking out about my universe being GONE, he gave me this notebook and pencil to "calm down"

HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO CALM ME DOWN?! NOW I'M VENTING TO A NOTEBOOK WHILE HE STANDS THERE WATCHING ME FURIOUSLY WRITE!

entry number 2

It's been a day since my world was destroyed, I already miss my home. I've been missing my friends and brother.

At least Ink let me stick around. I've been staying at his place along with someone else named Dream, but I have yet to meet him since he's never here. It's comfy here, at least. I even have my own room (which looks suspiciously close to my old room actually. i think ink did that on purpose, maybe to cheer me up? i don't understand him).

Right now's around the time I'd study with Undyne, actually...well. at least i don't have to worry about getting into the royal science division.

Papyrus isn't around to read this. I feel bad that I've never told him this, but

I never really wanted to join the Royal Science Division. Even though I acted like it was my dream, it wasn't. I wanted to learn more about space.

but of course that's not possible when you live in the underground. (i guess that's not really a problem anymore? this doesn't make me happy)

and we've always been low on funds. the pay for it was too good to pass up. I've stolen so much just to keep us afloat. I was good at hiding that, though.

Too good. Maybe I should've told Papyrus once he was old enough. He never knew why I was kicked out...

How would I even tell him? There's so much I haven't, because I don't know how to word it.

"By the way, brother! Mom and dad didn't exactly like me 'trying to be someone who i'm not' and disowned me like i disowned my name! That's why we grew up in a scrapyard."

[there are various scribbles and dots here]

"You didn't have to follow me, y'know. you could've lived with them instead of stubbornly staying by my side it would've been easier"

no i wouldve missed him. even if it's selfish i'm glad he tagged along. he was always there for me

i wish i could say the same. I SHOULD be able to say the same but i CANT what poor excuse of a brother am i?

maybe. no. they'll never be right.

entry number 3

I met Dream for the first time. He's really. unique. I know he's dressed like someone straight out of an anime but I didn't expect him to ACT like someone straight out of an anime!

The way he talks, the way he moves. There's something uncanny about it, honestly. He also looks on the brightside like that's the only direction he can look. When he heard my universe was destroyed? Told me at least he's glad it's led to me meeting him and Ink??

Like No Offense To You Two But I Don't Think Losing My Entire Universe Was Worth Meeting You Two.

That's not to say I'm not glad to meet them! I am glad! Just not at the expense of my home and everyone I love!

wait when have i ever watched anime? where did i even learn what that means? it was one of my friends—or acquaintances that introduced me to it, surely. Why can't I remember?

I need to ask Ink something, maybe. hopefully he'll know.

entry number 4

so a consequence of my world shattering is that it's really easy to forget about it. because it doesn't exist.

after ink told me that, i can hardly remember anything about it.

it's like there's a big gap in my memory and all i remember is that i'm forgetting something.

like my scarf. i know there's a sentimental reason i wear it. there was something about it. something about the material it's made out of i think?

Entry number five

i had a brother his name is papyrus

i had a brother his name is papyrus

his name is papyrus. he's my younger brother

don't forget him. don't mistake him for the other papyruses in the multiverse.

he woreWhat did he wear? what was he Like? oh my god what was he like

papyrus. don't forget him. he isn't like the other papyruses in the multiverse don't use them as a point of reference don't let them replace whatever memories you have left of him.

"he isn't like the other papyrus's" HOW CAN I KNOW THAT FOR SURE? I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HE WAS LIKE

entry number 6

The more I learn about the multiverse the more my memories of my universe are skewed. Also I learned (or, heh, remembered) I have memory issues in general on Top of the whole "universe not existing means it's hard to remember" thing.

So that's great

I was being a bit of a downer because of the revelation and Ink caught on so he asked me what was up. I decided to tell him, even though I thought he wouldn't really get it since he doesn't seem to be bothered by anything ever.

Oh man was I wrong. He completely understands

He also has memory issues. He told me he was soulless—which wow, I'm surprised he felt comfortable telling me—which really messes with your capacity for remembering things.

Even though he uses paint as a substitute for a soul, it doesn't fix his memory issues. So instead he writes stuff down on his scarf. He suggested I should do something similar, write down important things.

He told me that even if I can't necessarily hold information in my head for a long time, if I can hold it in my head long enough to write it down, that's enough.

It was reassuring.

entry number 7

Dear Papyrus,

I've seen a lot of different places in the past few days, places I wouldn't ever imagine seeing. Some of them are pretty, some of them are a mess. It's a bit hard to wrap my head around it, how small we are in comparison.

I already thought space was big, learning there were multiple universes made me feel even smaller. But even so, out of everything I've seen. I have yet to find a world like ours.

But if the universe is infinite, the amount of multiverses should be too, right? Another version of our universe, one that hasn't disappeared, has to be somewhere.

I'll look for it.

I'll find it.

I don't want to pretend to be talking to you through letters. I want to see you again. There's so much I have to tell you.

All the lies I've told you. I thought I was protecting you. I was really just saving myself the trouble of explaining everything.

i miss you, bro. i'm sorry i'm the one that made it and not you

entry number 8

i lived in a house with papyrus in snowland sity. i remember it was spelled like that specifically for the sake of alliteration, even though it'd still count as alliteration if it was spelled properly anyway.

i was an intern for the royal science division, papyrus was too but he wasn't all that serious about it. i was friends with the head of it, undyne.

she was real big into gundam anime and tried making those mechs a reality. i helped her with that so i have some experience in robotics and mechanical engineering.

she was able to build at least one functional robot, their name was blookbot. they were the underground's biggest music artist. i was a pretty big fan of their music

i went to college and got a degree in psychology. i was supposed to go to medical school, but, i either failed my classes or didn't make it in i think. or maybe i couldn't afford it.

there were a few humans that lived underground, under queen toriel's care. she had a polices about not killing humans which some monsters didn't agree with, including her own (now ex) husband who thought she was prioritizing humans above her own people. technically she was prioritizing humans, in a way, since we kinda need their souls to break the barrier—but hey all those humans fell down as kids im not gonna blame her for deciding against killing. and those humans specifically weren't to blame for us being trapped underground, it was unfair to fault them for it.

there was a group of monsters that did take action against these policies. the rebels, they called themselves. it was a straightforward name. they managed to kill some of the humans that's fallen down, specifically the ones that decided to leave the safety of queen toriel in favor of finding a way out.

while the amount of monsters that were apart of the rebels was pretty low, there's always been a threat of a civil war over the queen's policies. the main thing preventing it was that everyone was very much aware that a civil war could spell the end of monsterkind. so the monsters that disagreed with her policies kinda just, went deeper into the underground and were left to their own devices.

temmie was my friend. i thought. they were...a peculiar being. not quite human or monster, they were a sentient plush toy. they were very vocal about thinking queen toriel was dumb for not just killing every human that fell underground and that if she did, we'd have enough souls to break the barrier by now. but to my knowledge the rebels only have two souls in their possession and there's five that live with queen toriel. we'd be missing one

hah! i remembered all that! fuck you, multiverse!

hopefully this information is accurate. god

entry number 9

MY NAME IS NOT BLUE. ITS SANS HOW THE HELL DID I FORGET THAT???

Ever since my universe was destroyed Ink's been calling me "blue" like that's been my name my whole life and i ended up forgetting that it's NOT!

GASLIGHTING! ME!

Only reason i remembered was because someone called me sans while we went out to a different universe to eat.OH YEAH SPEAKING OF THIS UNIVERSE

It's SIMILAR to mine, not quite the same but it feels much more familiar than the other ones have so far

they're called "Underswap" universes, because some people "swap" roles and personalities with someone else.

Ink calls my universe "Botchedswap". not that flattering of a name but i suppose it makes sense now that ive seen underswap

so like. is my universe just a "botched" version of that universe?? or variant, that's what ink calls them

variants are universes that derive similar traits to the "main" universe they're based off of. so like, botchedswap is an underswap variant since it's based on it. BUT WHO IS BASING IT ON UNDERSWAP? WHAT EXACTLY DOES THAT MEAN? IS SOMEONE WRITING THIS? IT'S A STORY. THATS WHAT INK TOLD ME

i haven't really thought about how this is all a story after ink told me. i've kinda been avoiding it. it's like my mind automatically yanking my hand away from the stove, it's hard to think about it

i guess im sorta not supposed to know about that?? i mean. this is like some horrors beyond my comprehension probably. definitely, what the fuck do i mean probably?

so if this IS a story. i'm a character in it then? I'm probably a background character aren't i? i probably hardly even show up. who's the main character? would it be ink? oh then i probably wouldn't be a background character at that point.

That's so weeeird. If i was a main character that'd mean a lot of people saw my every move! Horrible! Or i guess not, why should i care what the hypothetical audience thinks about me?

Geez, there is an audience, isn't there? Unless this story's private or something.

I'm writing something down right now and im in a story. That's pretty weird. What if I wrote a story then? That's a story in a story, would that make that story more fictional than me?

wow im a fictional character.

The dread's not really hitting. Is that because i'm unable to or because i actually don't care that much? Is the writer of the story controlling my every move. What does this say about my capacity for free will. What does this say about everyone who isn't "on-screen"?

WELL. GOING OFF THE IDEA THAT I AM NOT A MAIN CHARACTER. THAT MEANS IM NOT BEING WRITTEN ABOUT THEN. WHICH MEANS THE WORLD DOES CONTINUE ON EVEN WHEN THEY AREN'T IN THE STORY.

OK MAYBE THE DREAD IS HITTING. IS THE AUDIENCE LOOKING AT ME RIGHT NOW? CUT THAT OUT!

WOWZERS, I AM A FICTIONAL CHARACTER. ok what do i do with this information. this is weird. im not supposed to know this right? well, ink told me so i guess it's allowed???

quick write something to show i have free will. uhhh what was that saying. from uhhh that one human. rene descartes?? is that how you spell his name. there's an accent on there somewhere

cogito, ergo sum

yeaaahhh yeah. i leaned that phrase from my philosophy class. i dont fucking remember what that means, go me

entry number 10

Wowzers, it's been a second since i opened this thing up! Welp, I'm in a much better spot now. Kinda embarrassing reading back on these entries now.

These are pretty personal too. I don't really wanna continue writing entries like this, I was never big on diaries cus I hate reading back on them.

So I ripped these pages out! I can't just waste the rest of this journal, the paper's pretty good quality. plus it's a gift from ink technically

But I can't just toss these pages out so I'm putting them in my bedside drawer. I'll probably forget I did that so this is sorta like a time capsule, I suppose.

So if i have rediscovered these pages, Hi! Hello! Future, hopefully-even-more-well-adjusted-me! Probably shouldn't destroy these pages because they have important memories written down in them! Push past the cringe of seeing me in agony! Or rewrite some of the key stuff, i dunno.

If you are not Blue, Sans-from-Botchedswap The Skeleton,

FUCK OFFF!!!! BARK BARK BARK BARK!! STOP READING THISSSS IT'S EMBARRASSING COME OOON. or hi ink, i told you NOT TO SNOOP IN MY ROOM!!!

On the off-chance you are not from my plane of existence, uhhh I guess i can't stop you? And i guess i shouldn't care since i won't see your reaction nor can you tell anyone about this so. whatever. go at it, voyeur.

not the right word to use sorry. yeah no. wrong word. not what it means.

See this is why it sucks knowing there's an audience what if i say weird shit!?!? Ughhhh. probably shouldn't care about it, but alas, my feeble soul, i am sensitive that even the possibility of the hypothetical audience thinking im weird hurts me so

[quadrantadvisor]

This post reminded me of the time I got entranced by the idea of in-universe rpf and wrote an "excerpt" of a hypothetical accidental selfcest fanfic.

The Lore tm is that in a universe where Bernard never met Tim, he became a prolific Capes RPF writer as well as conspiracy theorist, and that the popularity of the Bruce Wayne/Batman ship gave him the fun idea of pairing up the Wayne kids with Batclan counterparts, which lined up surprisingly well! Tim, who frequents the Gotham Capes RPF tag for normal reasons (as a kid he wrote a surpisingly popular series of gen fics where his self insert oc got adopted by Batman, he was like 11 don't judge him) sees this fic and finds certain details, such as, y'know, shipping his family members with themselves, highly suspicious. He must investigate this person and find out how much they know.

-

[...]

“What are you doing here, Nightwing?” Officer Grayson sighed. He looked tired, the hero noted. He understood that. A city like this could make a man tired in his soul. “The case is over. There's no reason to see eachother anymore.”

It didn't take long for Nightwing to find a reason. “There's no Batman in Bludhaven,” he said. “I need to take allies where I can get them, and you… I think you're in the same boat.” He remembered the photos of young, pretty Richie Grayson, smiling in the tabloids,  and thought about how the force could beat down someone like that. “I know you want to make Bludhaven a better place. We can keep helping eachother, working together. We need eachother.” That was all true. But none of it was why Nightwing had come to the officer's apartment balcony.

Grayson rubbed a hand over his face. “I don't think you understand how much trouble I could be in. If the other officers found out I was slipping information to a vigilante…” He frowned, the dark circles beneath his eyes even more pronounced with the expression. “They don't trust you.”

“Do you?” Nightwing couldn't help but ask.

Grayson clenched his jaw, and his gaze on Nightwing became piercing. Looking at him, the vigilante knew—he had been beaten down, but not broken. His free spirit compressed into something stronger, harder. There was fire in his eyes. “I don't know,” the officer said, “should I?”

In some ways, the display of dominance was adorable, and Nightwing couldn't help flashing his signature sharp grin. “You can,” he promised. “It's up to you. But I could show you.” He hopped onto the balcony's railing with his inhuman grace, and held out his hand. “If you put your trust in me, I'll make it worth your while.”

The man looked dubious, gaze flicking from Nightwing's shielded eyes to his outstretched hand. “How?”

“You used to be an acrobat, didn't you, officer?” the hero asked.

Grayson looked away. “That was a long time ago.’”

“Well,” said Nightwing, still grinning that wicked grin, teeth flashing in the dim light, “how would you like to really fly?”

The officer's eyes went wide, and for a moment, Nightwing worried he would close the door, shut him out, and it would all be over. Then a determined look swept over him, and he stepped forward, reaching out.

Grayson's hand slipped into his, and Nightwing took the leap.

[...]

End notes:

😭 why did you have to become a cop richie how am i meant to acab like this????

like yes cops are Bastard but like. Richie Grayson was an outlier and should not have been counted. he's perfect your honor. he's never done anything wrong in his whole life. no one tell me otherwise pls

also nightwing is some kind of fae creature but don't worry about that

[tobiasdrake]

Digimon Adventure 02x23 - When the Digivice was Tainted by Darkness / Genesis of Evil

Previously on Digimon Adventure: Daisuke watched a Digimon piss and they were not very happy about it. And now for some deep-seated psychological trauma!

We've been fighting the Digimon Kaiser for twenty episodes. Now it's finally time to ask the question: Okay, but for real, who is Ichijouji Ken anyway?

Also, according to the unreliable Dub Narrator, we will find out in this episode if the Chosen Children/DigiDestined truly do have a new enemy out there. So that sounds fun!

We open quietly and slowly at "Tamachi T.M. マンシヨン", the last word of which is マンシヨン Manshon or Mansion. As discussed way back in episode 1 when Natsuko and Takeru moved in to the complex they live in, a マンション manshon is a more upscale and high-quality apartment complex compared to a cheaper アパート apaato. Unsurprisingly, the Ichijouji family is well-off.

We've been to the Ichijouji residence before but I think this is the first time we've ever seen the name on the building. Since Ken also attends a school named Tamachi, it's likely that he's meant to live in the area surrounding Tamachi Station, shown on the map here.

For reference, the blue circle represents the area informally referred to as "Tamachi". It's just across the Rainbow Bridge from Odaiba, the red circle. The black circle is, as always, Vamdemon's base of operations in Daiba Park way back when.

Part of this area is the district of Shibaura, which caused so much trouble back then. That was where Hikari's cat Miko ended up taking her Digivice, misleading both the Chosen Children and Vamdemon to believe that the Eighth Child lived somewhere around Shibaura.

There is something deliciously ironic about Ken in fact living somewhere around Shibaura.

Inside apartment 303, Ken's mother quietly closes his door and exits his room into the living room. Her husband is waiting for her on the couch.

Father: Ken... How is he?

Mom shakes her head and takes a seat next to him.

Mother: But I'm sure it won't be too long before he wakes up....

Dad reaches over, placing a gentle hand over Mom's. A soft reassurance that they're going through this together.

Ken is going through a hell of a hangover. Sleeping off the Digimon Kaiser is no easy feat.

The original episode has a slow and silent zoom in on the Ichijouji apartment to build tension and uncertainty. The dub opts for a more sad and sympathetic opening, with somber music and extra dialogue to set the scene.

Mother: Ken, honey? It's Mom. I just want you to know that Dad and I are right outside your room. We're not going anywhere so when you wake up, we'll be here. (Inside the apartment, Mom closes the door) Father: Well? Is he awake yet? (Mom shakes head and sits down on couch) Mother: But... I know he'll wake up. He just needs a little more rest. (Dad places gentle hand on Mom's) Father: Don't worry. He's strong. Just like his mother.

This meshes with their respective treatments of Ken two episodes ago. In the original, we don't really know what to expect from Ken at this point. We had our final battle and it ended so weird. What are we supposed to make of him now? Where does he go from here? Are we going to be fighting him again in a week's time, or does he finally take the hint and buzz off? What does he even want?

Whereas the dub already leapt straight to "All is forgiven! You gonna join our team now?" before the final battle with Kimeramon even finished. There is no tension here because we were fighting to redeem Ken in the first place and already succeeded. It just needs a little time to settle in.

As Ken's parents wait for him in the living room, we move to his room and find him asleep. Like Hikari, Ken insists on sleeping in the top bunk even in a bed built for one person.

As an interesting note, last time we saw Ken, he was splayed out carelessly across his bed. But now he's neatly tucked in like the cutest little cherub. That's how much his mom loves him.

Ken (V.O.): I have to stay asleep. I have to find my heart. Where did my heart go?

Entering into Ken's headspace, we find him blowing bubbles with a straw. The image of his brother Osamu, briefly seen dying two episodes ago, is reflected in the bubble he blows.

Ken (V.O.): When I was little... When I was little, I used to blow soap bubbles. Bigger... And bigger....

Zooming out from the bubbles, we see Osamu watching Ken blow the bubbles with a smile on his face.

Ken (V.O.): I was never a genius. The genius was Osamu-niisan. Osamu-niisan could do anything. I was so proud of him.

An interesting note is that Ken has two honorifics he calls Osamu. In his mind, he calls him by the relaxed and casual Nii-san, which is very informal. But when speaking to him in dialogue, he's a bit more formal. He uses Onii-chan, which is cutesy and childish and conveys a lot of emotional attachment.

Takeru and Hikari also use Onii-chan to convey how emotionally close they are with their respective brothers.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I know I should wake up... but I can't. It's not time yet. Not until I find my heart. It feels like I lost it. I keep looking for it but I just can't seem to find it. I know once I do, everything will be back to the way it was.... (Blowing of bubbles) Ken (V.O.): Like when I was a little kid. I used to learn everything from my older brother Sam. I remember the time he taught me to blow bubbles. (Ken blows bubbles while Sam watches and smiles) Ken (V.O.): At first I couldn't do it but he kept encouraging me. Soon, I was blowing bubbles bigger than he was! Sam was the real genius in the family. I was so proud of him....

Dub Ken's inner monologue is longer and more comprehensive. In the original, Ken's inner monologue is dream-like. He sounds like he's drifting along on a sea of memory, where Dub Ken is consciously narrating his autobiography.

It's also a little awkward how he brags about kicking Sam's ass at bubble-blowing and then immediately segues back on-script to Sam being the true genius.

Mind you, it's true. This is something they'll talk about that later, so I guess they just wanted to seed that in early.

As dub names go, "Sam" for "Osamu" is along the same lines as "Matt" for "Yamato" or "Izzy" for "Izumi Koushiro"; it sounds like an easy English nickname derived from his real Japanese name. As opposed to Davis, Cody, and Yolei which might as well have been drawn from a hat.

As Ken's mindspace progresses, we see baby Ken walking hand-in-hand with his mother.

Ken: That's the lady from next door!

One by one, echoes of the next door lady appear in Ken's mindspace, burned into his memory in that same pose.

Lady: Everyone says your son Osamu-chan is exceptional! Lady: Oh, I'm so jealous! Lady: He's nothing like my kid. Lady: I want to brew the dirt from under Osamu-chan's fingernails and make my son drink it!

Okay, that's going to need some explaining.

爪の垢を煎じて飲む Tsume no aka wo senjite nomu is a Japanese expression. It basically means you idolize this other person so much that you wish you could take a little piece of their essence and incorporate it into yourself. Obviously, nobody literally does this, but it's a turn-of-phrase.

Lady: How did you teach him? Lady: What kind of homemaker are you? Lady: He must have inherited only the best traits from his parents, huh? Lady: Oh, what a genius!

Those last three questions are all in the context of, "What did you do to produce such an exceptional child?"

Ken (V.O.): Mom basked in those words.

The word Ken uses here is 溺れた oboreta, which literally means to drown. As a turn-of-phrase, it also means indulgence in an addiction. Mom didn't just enjoy hearing it; She couldn't get enough. Being praised for Osamu's brilliance was the highlight of her day.

We've seen similar questions asked about Ken himself years later, and this goes a long way to examining why he's so hostile to those sentiments. He was on the outside looking in on this behavior long before he suddenly became the recipient of it.

In the dub:

Ken: Here come the neighbor ladies! Lady: My cousin has a friend that knows someone that says your little Sam is the smartest boy in school! Lady: Can I get my picture taken with him? Lady: I have three daughters I'd like him to meet! Lady: Has he decided to be a rocket scientist or a brain surgeon? Lady: Where can I get his autobiography!? Lady: You and your husband are geniuses to have had him! Lady: Can I get a lock of his hair? I'd like to have him cloned! Lady: Will he sing at my wedding? Ken (V.O.): Those kind of comments went straight to my mom's head.

The core point that Osamu was heavily praised and their mom loved it is here. But wow.

The dub presents these eight identical impressions of the neighbor lady as different women from the neighborhood. And their obsession with this genius boy transcends "Your son is amazing!" and delves straight into the realm of Holy Fuck Restraining Order.

This is obviously meant to be comically over-the-top, of course. The dub's always played Ken's prodigy reputation for laughs and they're doing the same with Sam. And for an episode like this, opportunities to inject levity are going to be few and far between, so I do get why they went this route.

As the sad baby Ken processes the neighbor lady's neglect, suddenly his mom pulls her hand away from him too and we transition into the family apartment.

Ken: (gasp) Mama?

With her back to Ken, Mom gushes over Osamu.

Mother: Osamu-chan, Mama got praised again today! Oh, you're such a good boy, Osamu-chan!

Then, realizing she's being watched, she suddenly turns around.

Mother: Uhh, you're a good boy too, Ken-chan. Ken: I'm always an afterthought.

Shrouded in darkness, Ken watches the image of Osamu on the couch surrounded by their parents' love slowly fade into the distance.

Ken: (thinking) Mama only cares so much about Onii-chan because everyone's always praising him. Nothing would change if I wasn't here. Ken: If Onii-chan wasn't here, would that be me over there? If only Onii-chan were gone... Onii-chan... (gasp) That's it! If Onii-chan were gone...!

Ken's face hardens into a vicious scowl. A mask of cruelty to hide his pain.

Ken: I want you to disappear, Onii-chan!

Ken is, sadly, too young to realize that his jealous ire is misplaced. It's not Osamu's fault that Ken's home life is miserable. It's his parents who are fucking up here and inadvertently cultivating that hostility.

Those words, "Nothing would change if I wasn't here", are also important. There is a suicidal undertone to Ken's journey. There... kind of always has been, ever since he deleted himself from the human world. And it starts right here with this stray thought.

In the dub:

Mother: (lets go of Ken's hand) Oh, Sam! Ken: Mama? Mother: All the neighbors came up to me again and said what a wonderful boy you are! One of them even asked me for an autograph! Can you believe it!? (Mother suddenly turns around) Mother: Oh, Ken. I'm sorry. Did you say something? Ken: (depressed) Never mind, Mama. It's not important. (Ken watches his family fade into the distance) Ken: Mom and Dad are always paying more attention to Sam than to me. I know they love him more because he's smarter than me! I'll never get even one of them to notice me as long as Sam's around! If only Sam weren't around, then I would be.... (gasp) That's it! If only Sam weren't here, then I'd be the one they loved. (Ken scowls cruelly) Ken: I WISH SAM WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR!!!

The dub pins down Sam's exceptionalism as the thing about him that Ken resents. If Sam wasn't so brilliant then their parents would love Ken too.

In the original, it's his popularity. If Osamu wasn't constantly being praised for his brilliance, then their parents would love Ken too. Mom doesn't consciously love Osamu more for being smart; However, she's addicted to the praise and can't help but gush over it, which makes Ken feel left out and unwanted.

She does attempt to puff up Ken too. It's just that Ken can see her weak gesture for the afterthought that it is. She isn't malicious about it, but she is fucking up.

The dub cuts out this middleman and just says "Fuck Sam for being so brilliant in the first place." Which I think is a misstep, since it's the praise that more directly connects Ken's jealousy of Osamu to Ken's own demonstrated experiences and bitterness towards the world around him in episode 9.

As soon as Ken makes his proclamation, smash cut to a glowing light emerging from the monitor in Ken's room. The object ambiguously lands directly between the two brothers.

We know exactly what that is, and so does Present Ken's inner monologue.

Ken (V.O.): A Digivice appeared before our very eyes.

As the light fades, the object is revealed as a traditional Digivice like the ones that the veteran Chosen Children received.

Ken (V.O.): But, obviously, it was for Osamu-niisan. After all, Osamu-niisan could do anything and could have anything.

Osamu picks up the Digivice and inspects it, but nothing happens. He holds it up to his ear and shakes it. A little rattling from the internal mechanisms, but still nothing happens.

Ken (V.O.): But nothing happened. The Digivice was just there. Osamu-niisan looked so dejected.

Osamu stands up, walking over to the desk. He stuffs the Digivice in a drawer. However, some time later, Ken opens that drawer to see it for himself.

Ken (V.O.): I had no idea what it was. But I knew... it was something special. I got excited just from looking at it.

Ken reaches into the drawer. As he lays his hand on the Digivice, it suddenly lights up. Pretty clear whose Digivice this actually is. Ken screams and, before he knows what's happening, he's pulled inside the computer. Through the Digital Gate and into the Digital World.

Poor Osamu. Kinda seems unfair that Ken was Chosen and Osamu wasn't.

I wonder if that's going to be thematically relevant to something down the road? Mm, probably not.

The dub gives the boys dialogue during this sequence.

Ken (V.O.): Then, one night, a Digivice came out of our computer. I figured it had to be Sam's. Ken: Sam, what is that? Sam: I'm not sure, Kenny-boy. Maybe the computer blew a fuse or something.

FLUNG IT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE MONITOR HAHAHAHAHAHA

Sam: Let's take a look. Ken: Be careful! It might still be hot! (Sam picks up the Digivice but nothing happens) Sam: Huh?

When Sam lifts the Digivice to his ear and shakes it, it can be heard rattling but it's really soft and hard to make out over the music.

Ken: Is there something inside? Sam: Uh-uh... I don't know what this thing is, but I'm gonna find out. Now, listen to me, Kenny-boy. Whatever you do, don't touch it. (Sam stuffs it in his drawer; Ken opens the drawer back up) Ken (V.O.): I know that Sam told me to stay away from it but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I was being drawn to it somehow. Like something was telling me that it belonged to me. I just wanted to look at it. What harm could that do?

The dub sets its first commercial break here, as Ken vanishes into the Digital World with his Digivice.

This is a pretty significant characterization shift for Sam. In the original, Osamu and Ken both assume the Digivice belongs to Osamu out of a sense of entitlement, basically. When Osamu shoves it in his desk, it's because he's mad that this magic device that popped out of the computer isn't doing anything.

In the dub, no assumptions are made about who "deserves" the Digivice or whatever. Sam comes across like a responsible big brother, trying to protect Ken from the weird doodad that suddenly and inexplicably manifested in their room. He shoves it in his desk out of a sense of caution.

It's evening by the time Ken returns from the Digital World. Osamu enters the room just in time to see the Digital Gate open and release Ken back into the human world.

Sitting on the floor, Ken's staring at his Digivice in wonder. Suddenly, Osamu calls out to him, and danger chords begin playing in the background.

Osamu: Ken! Ken: Huh? Osamu: (coldly) What are you doing?

Ken holds up the Digivice to show it to Osamu.

Ken: Th-This-- Osamu: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?

Before Ken can get another word out, Osamu slaps the back of his hand, knocking the Digivice from it.

Osamu: Don't touch my stuff without permission! Ken: S... Sorry....

While Ken cradles his hand, Osamu bends down and picks up the Digivice.

Osamu: This is mine. Ken: I'm so sorry!

Osamu returns the Digivice to his drawer, continuing to gripe.

Osamu: Rifling through someone's desk... Only the worst kinds of people would do something like that! Ken: I'm sor-- Osamu: This is mine! Don't ever touch it without my permission! Got it? Ken: I'm really sorry. Osamu: You're distracting me from my studies. GET OUT!!!

Dejected, Ken stands up and leaves the rooms.

What an asshole. This moment raises the stakes in their relationship and contextualizes some of Ken's bitterness earlier. Osamu isn't just the apple of their parents' eyes; He's also abusive.

An interesting note about Osamu's room is that, from the layout, you can clearly tell that it's the same room that now belongs to Ken in the present. Same computer desk, same bookshelf with top-bunk bed.

In the dub, Sam starts talking before entering the room.

Sam: Ken, are you still in my room? You better not be touching my stuff! (Sam enters and sees Ken return) Ken: Wow! Cool! Sam: KEN!!! Ken: Uh-oh. Sam: Just what do you think you're doing!? (Ken shows the Digivice) Ken: I didn't break it! Sam: I said, "Don't touch it"! (Sam slaps the Digivice out of Ken's hand) Sam: Don't touch my things ever again! Ken: I'm... sorry.... (Sam picks up the Digivice) Sam: You have to have respect for people's property, Ken. Ken: I will.... (Sam returns the Digivice to his desk) Sam: It's too late for that. I already told you once not to go in my drawer and you broke my trust. Now I'll never be able to trust you again! Ken: But I... I-I.... Sam: What if you'd gotten hurt!? Mom and Dad would be looking to blame someone and it would be me, not you! Ken: I said sorry.... Sam: Now get out. I have to study!

He's still an asshole but, as with before, Sam's unjustifiably over-the-top reaction here nonetheless seems to be coming from a place of concern for his brother's safety. He's still violently possessive, but with some nuance. Though the way he presents it nonetheless indicates that he's more worried about the blowback on him than he is worried for Ken.

Whereas in the original, he's just an entitled little shit. His motives are plain as day from the way he exclaims "This is mine!" twice. He's furious about the possibility that for once in their lives, Ken might get to have something that he doesn't. So he takes it away from Ken using both physical and verbal violence.

This scene brings Sam closer in characterization to Osamu, but there's still more nuance to his outburst than Osamu has.

Dejected, Ken walks away into darkness, roaming through the shadows of the older Ken's memory.

Ken: (thinking) Nii-san hates me... Because I'm not a good kid... Because I'm the worst kind of person... But why? I'm so miserable....

They replay the footage of baby Ken watching his parents shower Osamu with love and adoration.

Ken: (thinking) Nii-san has everything. I have nothing. I WISH MY BROTHER WOULD DISAPPEAR!!!

As those words echo in Ken's memory space, they are suddenly and swiftly answered by the car that ended Osamu's life.

In the dub, it's the grown-up Ken who unpacks what just happened.

Ken (V.O.): Sam hated me. I wasn't as good a person as he was. But that wasn't enough for him; He had to punish me because of it! He didn't have to hit me! I just wanted to play with his toy! So what if I didn't ask for his permission first!? And I couldn't tell Mom and Dad because as far as they were concerned, he could do no wrong. Ken: Sometimes I wish... HE WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR!!! (Sam hit by car) Ken (V.O.): And then he did.

Thanks, Ken. I wouldn't have got that if you hadn't explained it. In any case, the dub pulls no punches on the smash cut to Sam's death.

The differing narrators offer differing perspectives. Baby Ken in the original internalizes the abuse and spirals around it until finally he breaks and lets out that outburst again.

The older Ken in the dub looks back on this whole event with a sense of disdainful perspective. He calls out Sam's abuse and the unfairness of his situation back then for what it was. He even brings up that regardless of Sam's motives, the hand smack was completely uncalled for.

I really like both versions of this.

Following Osamu's death, we find Ken at his wake. With tears in his eyes, a distraught Ken approaches Osamu's memorial photo on the funeral altar.

Ken: Onii-chan... Did this happen because I wanted you to disappear?

Inside Ken's mind-space, he watches his parents grow distance again. Only this time, rather than showering Osamu in praise, it's because they're mourning.

Ken: Where do I go? Where do I belong?

Osamu's gone and still Ken is alone.

In the dub:

Ken: Sam, I didn't mean it. I was just mad when I said I wanted you to disappear! (Ken watches his mourning parents grow distant) Ken: Look how sad I made my parents. They loved Sam more than anything in the whole world! I know how much the both of you miss Sam! But I'm still here!

Same idea but more bluntly.

Fast forward to some time later. Enough that Ken looks visibly older, though not as old as the Ken we know. We find him at the computer desk.

Ken (V.O.): One day, while I was messing around with Nii-san's computer, I found an email addressed to me. An email for me. An email written specifically for me. Someone... for me....

The poison for Kuzco. The poison chosen specially to kill Kuzco. Kuzco's poison.

In seriousness, his repetition of the statement is meant to indicate how mind-blowing it was that someone, of their own volition, was reaching out... to him. Baby Ken's self-esteem had been so utterly destroyed by his upbringing that even before he read it, just receiving an email was this grand earthshattering gesture.

This might actually be the first time in his life that someone has, on purpose, reached out to connect with him.

In any case, the email is read in a new, unidentified voice.

Ken (V.O.): This is what it said. Message: Your brother's passing was an unfortunate accident. It must have been very tragic for you. But take comfort. Your brother's death has brought him peace. There's nothing for you to feel guilty for. Ken (V.O.): I didn't really understand what it meant. Still, I wanted to believe what was written there. It was easier that way. Message: The arrival of your brother's physical death has brought him a true sense of peace because it granted eternal freedom to his spirit. But you have to keep living in this boring, mundane world. In other words, it means the death of your free spirit. You poor thing. I feel sorry for you.

Oh, this guy is definitely recruiting for a cult. He's not saying Ken should commit suicide... but he's not not saying that.

Expressions like "XYZ is in a better place" are common comforts for people grieving a loved one but there's a line between that and "We should all be so lucky to expire! Death is the only true liberation!" And this message is way the hell across that line.

As the message is read, we see black-and-white shots of Ken undergoing his mundane, ordinary life. Walking down the street and eating with his family. Typical, ordinary things. The very thing the message maligns.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): Then, one day, I was playing on Sam's old computer and I found an email that was addressed to me.

Quick note: In the original, we hear an email notification alert when the message arrives. It was just sent to Ken right this moment. In the dub, there's no alert.

As for the message's text... This is a fun one because not only do they have to deal with the message itself, but there's also scrolling email text that appears over the black and white shots. That's going to be a lot of work to scrub off the screen and replace with English.

So they don't fucking bother and leave the Japanese text completely unaltered. XD Even the email itself. Between this, the hand slap with no obscuring white flash, and the explicit onscreen death of a child? I think someone realized how important this episode was and locked the censors in a broom closet so they couldn't fuck with it.

Ken (V.O.): I didn't know who would be writing to me or how they would know I was on Sam's computer. Message: I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. It must have been hard to take. Ken (V.O.): I was scared. And yet, I was compelled to keep reading. It was as if I'd been waiting for this letter my whole life! Message: But don't worry. Your brother is in a better place than this world. He is finally at rest. But when his soul became free, yours became trapped. You bear the burden of both his destiny and your own. Now that your parents have lost their hopes for their perfect child, you will be expected to carry out the dream that Sam can no longer fulfill.

The dub talks a little around that cult talk, though not as much as I expected. They don't sidestep "His soul is free but yours is now bound" at all, but they do extrapolate it as a flowery way of talking about Ken and Sam's parental expectations, specifically.

Though the original message can be interpreted to be about those expectations, so it may be that the dub is simply bringing the subtext into the text. The transference of parental expectations is going to come up later in this episode.

The message continues.

Message: The conclusion that can be drawn is that the current world isn't suitable for you. Now I want to tell you that there's another world that suits you better. Ken: A world that suits me better? Message: A world that will set your spirit free.

Okay but you just said that death set Osamu's spirit free so. Uh. Yeah, now he is kinda telling Ken to kill himself. Metaphorically, at least. He's telling Ken to leave this world behind and go to another one, a better one. Just like Osamu did.

Message: Open the drawer. Ken: The drawer?

Ken reaches for the drawer, but then stops himself. He hesitates for a moment. But then he works up the nerve and opens it, revealing the Digivice.

Ken: Osamu-niisan.... Message: Use that Digivice.

When Ken picks it up, it glows with his light once more. He holds it up to the computer and the Digital Gate opens, drawing him inside.

God, this message is so fucking unnerving. This is so fucking dark. Parents, know who your children are being influenced by on the internet.

As an aside, I love Ken's moment of hesitation in opening the drawer. He's playing around on Osamu's computer with no problem, but Osamu punished him for opening that drawer before so he's reluctant to cross that boundary.

Even though Osamu's dead, the ghost of Osamu's authority continues to haunt Ken.

The dub, of course, is sticking to the "You'll be buried by expectations" angle.

Message: This world will become unbearable for you. Pressure to succeed will be too great. But let me tell you about another world that is much more appropriate. Ken: What does he mean by "another world"? Message: A world where your soul can finally be free. Where you answer to no one but yourself. Open the drawer. Ken: (gasp) The drawer! (Ken hesitates, but opens the drawer) Message: Use Sam's Digivice. Ken: I'm sorry, Sam.

Though it still says "Sam's soul was freed by his death, now let me tell you about how to free your soul." So the eerie implication is still there.

The message calls it Sam's Digivice, which is factually incorrect. It's obviously not his Digivice because it activated for Ken and not him. But that is how Ken was conditioned to think of it by Osamu/Sam's abuse. Original Ken will describe it the same way later in the episode.

On the other side of the Gate, Ken finds himself... somewhere else.

A great black ocean stretches out in front of him. One that should be familiar to those who've seen episode 13.

Ken: ...where am I...?

Stepping into the water, Ken kneels down and sinks his Digivice into it. The dark water changes it, transforming it into the Dark Digivice.

Clutching it, an eerie grin slowly crosses his face.

Ken: That's right, it's... This is my Digivice. It doesn't belong to anyone else. It's mine alone.

There's a subtle implication that something's happening to Ken as he says this. When he first pulls the Digivice out of the water, his eyes has the typical anime catchlight, the little white dot in the upper corner of the eye signifying a little bit of light reflecting.

However, as he delivers this line and his face gradually contorts into that Digimon Kaiser grin, the catchlight fades. By the time he says the Dark Digivice is "mine alone", all light has vanished from his eyes.

In any case, once Ken has the Dark Digivice in his possession, we go to commercial.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I'll never forget the first time I saw the Digital World. It was enormous! I stood there all alone in this huge, empty world.

Okay, two things.

First off, this is not the Digital World. At least not the one we refer to when we say "the Digital World". It's certainly a Digital World, but the Dark Ocean is explicitly a third place.

Second, this is not Ken's first trip. The first time he entered the Digital World was right after the Digivice first arrived. We didn't see what happened to him in there, but he clearly left and then returned. The reason Ken nonetheless doesn't recognize this place on arrival is because it's not the Digital World.

Ken: Where am I?

When Ken steps into the waters, a cacophony of voice clips from various Digimon Emperor line emerge and assault the senses. They're impossible to make out until Ken plunges the Digivice into the water.

Emperor: I've been waiting for you to get here. Now, let the games begin. Emperor: I'm your worst nightmare. Emperor: This world and everything in it belong to me. Ken: This is mine now! No one can ever take it away from me! Or hide it in a drawer! Heh, I'm in control now. Emperor: Soon, I will have control over the entire Digital World!

I think the implication here is supposed to be that the Dark Ocean programmed the Digimon Emperor into Ken?

Or it could be symbolic, with this being the moment Ken met his fate, so to speak.

The dub also takes its second commercial break here.

Returning from commercial, we also return to the present where Ken remains in bed.

His parents are in his room now, watching him sleep.

Mother: Those noises he's making... Is he having a nightmare? ...hey, Papa? Father: Hm? Mother: A long time after Osamu-chan passed away, right when Ken-chan was starting to look like Osamu-chan did when he passed, Ken-chan suddenly started to excel in his schoolwork. Father: Yeah.... Mother: At the time, we were happy because it felt like Osamu-chan had come back to us. But do you think we should have thought more about what that meant for Ken-chan?

Dad nods in agreement.

Father: Ken had plenty of great qualities of his own. But we were busy enjoying being known around town as the parents of a prodigy. Mother: And not just with Ken-chan. Father: Huh? Mother: Did Osamu-chan really like to study so much? I guess he didn't hate it, but lately I've been thinking that maybe he would have liked to play more. Father: Without even realizing it, we might have been keeping him from enjoying himself. Mother: We failed them as parents, huh? Father: We did.

Turning their attention back to the sleeping Ken, his parents plead for him to wake.

Mother: Ken, please wake up soon. Father: Ken, give me a chance to apologize.

And here, in turn, comes the explanation for why Osamu was an asshole. Like Ken, he too is a product of his environment. All children are.

We know Ken eventually crumbled under the pressure and fled into the escapism of the Digital World "video game". He ragequit his parents, he ragequit his society, and he threw himself into the only thing he had that was any fun. The one thing he enjoyed. Hideous misunderstanding though that was.

But Osamu didn't have that. He didn't have a Digital World to escape to. In fact, the Digivice had rejected him. He wasn't Chosen; It wasn't meant for him. So when Osamu cracked, his frustration and stress had to vent somewhere....

As this conversation bears out, the real responsibility lies with their parents. The burden of parental pressure to excel created Osamu's abusive behavior. And then the burden of parental pressure to excel and Osamu's abusive behavior created the DIgimon Kaiser.

In the dub:

Mother: I wonder if he's having a bad dream? I've been thinking.... Father: Huh? Mother: I was remembering back when Ken was younger. He was about the same age Sam was when we lost him. That was right around the time I first noticed a big change in Ken. Remember? He began to put all of his attention into his studies. Father: Yeah? Mother: It was almost as if our Sam had come back to us and I was the happiest mother in the world but I never stopped to think what effect it might have on Ken. Do you think it's possible that's the reason he became like this? (Dad nods) Father: Mhm... Maybe Ken didn't want to study so much. Maybe he wanted to spend more time playing. Although I do admit that I kind of enjoyed the idea of being the father of a genius. Mother: What about Sam? Father: Huh? Mother: What if we made the same mistake with Sam? He might have had interests we ignored. Father: You're right. It's my fault. I shouldn't have pushed him so hard. I loved the attention so much that I... I didn't realize what my son really needed the most: A chance to be a normal kid once in a while. Mother: I hate to say it but we failed as parents. Father: You're right. (Mom and Dad turn their attention back to Ken) Mother: Ken, please wake up. Father: Ken, please give us another chance to be better parents to you.

Don't be so hard on yourself, Dad. You both were too busy soaking up the praise to pay attention to your children's needs. I don't know why you're trying to take all the credit for ruining your kids. It's an awkward bit of blame-shifting on an otherwise solid adaptation.

From here, we return into Ken's mindspace.

Ken (V.O.): Where did my heart go? ...when I was little, I used to blow soap bubbles. Bigger... and bigger....

We join Ken on the balcony blowing soap bubbles again, but this time Osamu's smiling face isn't reflected in them. As we change shots to see Ken, Osamu is no longer standing there beside him.

Ken (V.O.): Yes, those soap bubbles were how I usually played. We mixed soapy water in a cup on the balcony and we'd cut the end of a straw to open it.

Bubbles fill the air, then recede to reveal a shot of another person with Ken, preparing the mixture. He's shot from the neck down; His face absent from memory.

Ken (V.O.): But who made the soapy water? Who cut the end of the straw? Mom? No.

The camera slowly pans up to reveal Osamu's smiling face.

Ken (V.O.): It was Nii-san. That's right... I couldn't blow bubbles unless I used the soapy water and straw that Nii-san made.

Of course it was. Who else would it have been? We've seen Ken's ugliest memory of Osamu, but now we return to Ken's happiest memory of him. A memory that corroborates what their mom was saying a moment ago; It's no coincidence that they were happiest when they both got to just play and be kids.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I can't wake up yet. I still haven't found my heart. I'm still trying to get back to that little kid that used to blow bubbles on his terrace. I'd stand there for hours, blowing them bigger and bigger each time. Each one was completely empty inside, but none of them was as empty inside as I was.

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR HAPPY MEMORY, KEN. FUCK.

Ken (V.O.): Maybe I was trying to show Sam that I could blow bubbles bigger than he could! And that I was better at something than he was! (Cut to Sam mixing the soapy water) Ken (V.O.): But then again, who was it that taught me to blow the bubbles? (Pan up to reveal Sam's face) Ken (V.O.): Who made the soapy water for me and cut the straws? It wasn't my parents. It was Sam.

Ken's still bragging about his bubble size. Mixing his bitterness into what will, in a moment, be contextualized as an act of gentleness.

The more conscious narration of the dub completely changes the tone of this memory. In the dreamlike state of the original, Ken seems to have momentarily forgotten Osamu only to find him again. It's a reminder of the happy times, momentarily lost to the darkness of the bad times, and a reinforcement of their parents' mistakes.

In the dub, he brings the darkness with him into the happy memory. Ken injects a bitter first-person account into his memory that completely taints the very notion that he was ever happy. These were still good times, but he didn't appreciate them because he was too spiteful.

Man, the dub just can't let this guy have an ounce of humanization, huh?

Entering more fully into the memory, Osamu finishes mixing the cup and holds it out for Ken.

Osamu: Ken, blow this. Ken: Got it!

Ken takes the straw and begins to blow. Ken and Osamu watch in amazement as his bubbles come out large and fully formed. Then Ken offers the straw and cup back to Osamu.

Ken: You do it too, Onii-chan.

Osamu reluctantly takes the cup.

Osamu: Ah, but... I'm not very good at it. Ken: There are things you can't do, Onii-chan!? Osamu: Of course! You're the best at blowing soap bubbles, Ken. It's because you blow them so gently.

This is where Ken being better than Osamu at blowing soap bubbles actually comes into play and is relevant to the story.

Important note: The word Osamu uses here is 優しい yasashii, which means "kindness". As in, Ken's Crest of Kindness. The Kindness that awakened the Golden Radiance.

But there isn't really a good way to fit that into an English translation because blowing bubbles "kindly" isn't a thing. 優しい Yasashii represents an overall sense of gentleness, tenderness, care, and consideration for people and things that makes "Kindness" a fair translation but not fully encompassing of the idea.

Point is, Ken blowing bubbles gently is a direct reference to his Crest virtue.

Osamu: I can't do it. They always pop.

To demonstrate, Osamu blows a bubble of his own. He gets it up to a decent size before it suddenly bursts, leaving Ken alone on the balcony once more.

Ken: Onii-chan? Come back, Onii-chan! Ken (V.O.): But he isn't coming back. Right... Osamu-niisan is dead.

And with him went the secrets of bubble blowing.

That's not a joke. It's a material symbol for the way in which Ken's life became quantifiably lessened by the loss of this person that, for better and for worse, was such a major influence.

When Osamu died, there was nobody to prepare the bubble mixture for Ken. This activity that he treasured left his life right alongside his brother. Because the fun activity and the time he spent with his brother are the same.

In the dub:

Sam: Okay, it's all set to go! Ken: Hehe! Thanks, Sam! (Ken blows bubbles) Sam: Attaboy! Wow! Great! Ken: You try to do it now. (Ken hands the cup back to Sam) Sam: Uh, well, I'm not very good at blowing bubbles. Ken: Come on, Sam! There's nothing in this world that you can't do! Sam: I can do it okay but my technique isn't quite as good as yours is. Your bubbles come out perfect because you're gentle. I blow too hard and mine pop right away. (Sam tries to blow a bubble and pops) Ken: Huh? Where'd you go? Sam! Come back! Please! Ken (V.O.): But Sam won't come back. He's gone forever. Maybe I am too.

This is pretty good. They don't say that Ken blows bubbles "kindly" so the reference to Ken's Crest is lost. But that's not a thing so it's no wonder they don't say it. They were kinda screwed on this point by the choice to translation 優しい yasashii as "kindness" a few episodes ago and we're in too deep to change it now.

With the benefit of hindsight, "Crest of Gentleness" or something might have worked better. But the dub does have a workaround to capture that comparison; There's just no room for it in this scene.

Finally, in his room, Ken wakes up.

Father: Ken! Mother: You're awake! Ken: Who are you?

Ken's words hit his parents like a truck. When they don't answer, he repeats the question.

Ken: Who are you? Mother: You don't recognize us? Father: (to Mother) Has he lost his memory? Ken: (thinking) No, I haven't lost my memory. What I meant to say was, "What do you people mean to me?" Mother: I can't believe he doesn't know who we are! Ken: (thinking) You don't know who I am either. Who are you guys? And who am I? Who? Who am I?

Ken's spoken words sound like amnesia but he's really having an existential crisis that he doesn't know how to convey. He may be physically awake but he's still lost. He still hasn't found his heart.

In the dub:

Father: He's awake! Mother: Ohhh! Are you alright? Ken: Who are you? (Parents gasp, no answer) Ken: Well? Mother: Ken, don't you recognize who we are? Father: It's amnesia! Ken: (thinking) No, I didn't lose my memory. I lost my heart. And until I find it, I don't know who I am or who anyone else is either. Mother: How could he not know who his own parents are? Ken: (thinking) You don't know me either. How could you? I don't know myself. Who am I?

I think the phrasing of "I lost my heart and I won't know who anyone is until I find it" makes this line a little harder to parse, but the idea is the same.

A point I want to bring up is that both versions of the episode have been using "heart" to encompass a person's complete emotional and mental and spiritual identity, the fullness of who that person is.

This is a Japanese definition that we don't really use in English; We tend to think of someone's "heart" to just mean their capacity for love, compassion, and empathy. But in Japan, your "heart" is the fullness of your consciousness and identity and emotional breadth. But despite the different meanings, it gets translated 1:1 here and in other Japanese media such as Kingdom Hearts.

For a western comprehension, we would consider that his soul. He's trying to find his soul. He is doing what English speakers refer to as "soul-searching" and, until he finishes, he won't really be able to quantify these relationships he has.

The point is that he knows objectively who his parents are. But he's trying to figure out his identity, to figure out who he is on an emotional level, and only once he has done that will he be able to define the significance that these people have to that person.

Mother: It's okay. Don't strain yourself. We're just glad that you're safe. Father: Ken, we might have pushed you to be like Osamu without realizing it. That was wrong of us. You're your own person and we couldn't see the great qualities you possess. Mother: Please forgive us and get better soon. Ken: (thinking) What are they saying? I don't understand. I don't know what they mean. Father: Osamu isn't with us anymore, remember? Ken: (thinking) That's right... Osamu-niisan isn't here anymore.... Mother: (crying) He's dead! Osamu-chan is gone! So all we want is for you to be yourself, Ken-chan! Ken: (thinking) She's crying. Why? I'm the one who's sad.

Tears begin to flow down Ken's face too at that remark. He reaches up and touches his face, feeling the tears flowing down it.

Ken: (thinking) Tears? There are tears in my eyes too? Why? Why am I crying? If nothing else, maybe I can share the sorrow of losing Osamu-niisan with these people.

This might be the first time the whole family has ever really stopped to grieve Osamu. Being able to use Ken as a replacement goldfish meant that they didn't really have to. But now the reality of Osamu's death is settling in not just on Ken but on his parents too.

Weirdly enough, Ken packing his things and ragequitting into the Digital World might just have been the shock to the system that his family needed to understand how badly they were hurting their son.

In the dub:

Mother: Ken, don't worry, you're safe now. We'll find you the finest doctor in the world! Father: Ken, while you were sleeping, your mother and I realized that we tried to make you more like Sam without really knowing it. We're very sorry. We should have seen the son we had instead of spending our time constantly looking for the son that we lost.

That is a brilliant adaptation of that line. I love it.

Mother: Forgive us! All we're asking for is a second chance! Ken: (thinking) I don't know what it is they want from me. How can I forgive them when I don't understand what they did? Father: Sam is gone forever. We know that. But we don't want to lose you too. Mother: (crying) Just be Ken. Just be your sweet self. Ken, just try! Just try! Please, for me.... Ken: (thinking) Why is she crying? I don't understand. When I'm sad, I just go numb. (Ken starts crying) Ken: (thinking) Wait, there's tears in my eyes too. Why am I crying? Is my heart closer than I think? Maybe these people and I can share the pain and sorrow of losing Sam together.

Aside from the part where Ken's mom tries to throw money at him, this is really good.

Cut to later in the day. Ken's standing by the living room window, staring out into the city.

Ken: (thinking) I'm hollow... Because I don't know where my heart has gone.

Mom approaches from behind.

Mother: Ken-chan, dinner's ready. Ken: ... Mother: Ken-chan?

Ken's mom places a hand on his shoulder, which breaks him from his trance. He turns and looks at her.

Mother: It's okay. You don't have to force yourself.

Then Ken spots a framed photo of Osamu on the table in front of him. Without a word, he picks it up and takes a closer look at it. His eyes somber and quivering. Mom also tears up behind him.

Mother: Osamu-chan's death affected you the most, Ken-chan.

Mom's still being patient with Ken and trying to give him the space he needs.

In the dub:

Ken: (thinking) I'm still searching. I know the answer is out there. I just have to figure out where to look. (Mother approaches) Mother: Ken, honey, dinner's ready. (Mom grabs Ken's shoulder) Mother: Hungry? (Ken turns around) Mother: Oh, sorry I startled you. It's okay; You can eat whenever you're ready. (Ken picks up Sam's picture) Mother: That's Sam. He was your brother. (Ken and Mom tear up) Mother: We were all devastated after the accident, but you were the one affected the most.

The extra line explaining Sam kinda makes sense since Ken's parents think he has amnesia. But it also kinda doesn't because they were already talking to him about Sam one scene ago.

Back in Ken's room, he sits down at his computer desk to find a startling sight.

The Dark Digivice and the Crest of Kindness are both waiting for him on his keyboard. Suddenly, Ken flashes back on Wormmon. Two shots of Wormmon pleading with him not to go through with Chimeramon and then one shot of Wormmon with tears in his eyes, the moment before he tackled the Digimon Kaiser into the desert sands.

Ken: (mournful) Wormmon....

Ken stands up suddenly, forcefully. Filled with more determination than we've seen him this episode.

Mom knocks at the door.

Mother: Ken-chan? Would you like some tea?

She opens the door, bringing a plate with some snacks and a teacup into Ken's room.

Mother: (startled) KEN-CHAN!?!?

But the room is empty. With no explanation to his parents, Ken's gone missing once more. Here, have some more trauma.

In the dub, Ken has a line when he sees the Dark Digivice and Crest of Kindness.

Ken: I know what that is!

His flashbacks also have dialogue in them.

Wormmon: Please, Master. Wormmon: Listen to me. Wormmon: Where's the Ken I used to love? (End flashback) Ken: Oh, Wormmon... I know where to look now! (Knock at the door) Mother: Ken, dear, I made you a nice cup of tea! (Mom comes in) Mother: Ken? Where are you? Not again!

Probably goes without saying at this point but that dialogue isn't what Wormmon was saying in those flashbacks. They are, however, an accurate summation of what he was expressing.

In the Digital World, Ken wanders.

He starts out in a gray, craggy area.

Ken: Where is my heart?

Then he roams a desert.

Ken: I want to find my heart.

And then wanders through a grassy region. There, he comes across a sight that's familiar to fans of the first series: The Village of Beginnings.

Ken: What's this?

From a cradle by Ken's feet, a friendly Poyomon answers.

Poyomon: This is the Village of Beginnings. This is where Digimon who perish are reincarnated as Digitama. Ken: Reincarnated? Wormmon too!? Poyomon: Every Digimon reincarnates as a Digitama.

You know, Takeru and Hikari probably could have told you about that. But you've been an absolute piece of shit and everyone hates you. In any case, a reinvigorated Ken races off into the field of Digitama to find his Partner again.

It's a subtle visual representation but Ken's physical journey from dull, lifeless gray to the vibrant colors of the Field of Beginnings obviously represents his metaphysical trip back towards finding his heart.

In the dub, Ken's lines aren't spaced between regions. He narrates over the whole journey.

Ken: (thinking) I know this place. I've been here before. This is where I have to look. I know that this is where I will find my heart. (Ken arrives at Primary Village) Ken: (thinking) Digi-Eggs. Hundreds of them. What is this place!?

The dub takes its third commercial break upon Ken's arrival here. They also play him out with danger music, like Ken's just stumbled upon some sort of perilous cliffhanger. But it's a nursery full of babies so it doesn't really work. XD

Weird-ass choice, dub.

Anyway, the cliffhanger of Ken entering Primary Village is swiftly resolved when we come back via Ken... being in Primary Village. Which is harmless.

Poyomon: This is the Primary Village! Ken: Primary Village? Poyomon: That's right! Ken: Huh?

Awkwardly, Ken doesn't realize he's being spoken to until he's already responded once because the lip flaps he uses to respond are the ones for "What's this?"

Poyomon: This is the place where all Digimon are reborn and they come back as Digi-Eggs! Ken: Reborn!? Wormmon too?! Poyomon: That's right! Digimon never die! They just get reconfigured. Ken: (relieved) Hahaha!

They reincarnate, but yes. Digimon comes from Japan where reincarnation is a core facet of belief in one of the two major religions that dominate that region.

The dub is not from a region where reincarnation is accepted and normalized, however. So they interpret this simply as "Digimon never die". But unlike the first anime, they aren't saying it to delegitimize character deaths.

They let us grieve Wormmon and only now are making the "Digimon don't actually die though" point at the portion of the story that's actually about Wormmon's renewal. So, good on them for that restraint.

Ken sprints into the field of Digitama, but then slows to a stop. The field is vast and the Digitama are many.

Ken: I don't know... Which one is Wormmon? In the same way I don't know who I am, how am I supposed to tell which one is Wormmon's Digitama?

Thank you for explaining the symbolism, Ken.

Suddenly, a nearby baby Digimon speaks up.

Yuramon: Aren't you the Digimon Kaiser!? What do you plan on doing with Wormmon's Digitama!?

Before Ken can answer, the Yuramon tackles him. Ken puts up his arms to shield himself and the Yuramon bounces off his shoulder, but the emotional damage outweighs the physical.

Ken: The DIgimon Kaiser? That's right... I am the Digimon Kaiser. The person who did those awful things. I'm responsible for Wormmon's death. What am I even trying to accomplish by searching for Wormmon's Digitama!?

More babies in the cribs surrounding Ken answer that question for him.

Punimon: If you find his Digitama, then Wormmon will come back. Then you'll be free from your responsibility for Wormmon's death! Free from the guilt of causing someone to die. Is that it? Botamon: You coward. Wormmon would never reincarnate for an underhanded creep like you! Ken: Wormmon won't come back? ...that's right, Osamu-niisan never came back either.

...does Wormmon have a choice? This is the first I'm hearing of Digimon being able to choose to remain dead.

I really love all the characterization in this scene. I love that they don't pull punches with Ken's responsibility. Because... yes. Wormmon didn't just die for Ken. Ken caused his death. Ken abused him, neglected him, ignored him, created the thing that killed him, and was cheering it on while it did. It is 100% Ken's fault that Wormmon is dead.

This episode has primed us to sympathize with and better understand Ken. But even so, you can also feel where they're coming from when the babies form a line of solidarity against Wormmon's abuser and tell Ken to go jump off a bridge. He is aggressively unwelcome in the Village of Beginnings. I'm surprised Elecmon hasn't charged in and powerbombed him.

In the dub:

Ken: Which Egg is Wormmon's!? It could be any one of them! I can't remember. What did his Egg look like!?

Shot in the dark but you probably don't remember because you never saw it. None of the DigiDestined have ever been present for their Partner's first hatching. Well, Taichi kind of. And Takeru was there for the second.

Ken: I don't know which one of these Digi-Eggs is Wormmon's! Just like I don't remember who I am or where I'm from.... Yuramon: You're the Digimon Emperor, aren't you? Ken: Huh? Yuramon: I'd recognize you even without your fancy clothes! HIYAAAGH!!! (Yuramon attacks Ken) Ken: Huh? The Digimon Emperor? ...that's right, I was the Digimon Emperor! I've done so many terrible things! I was responsible for Wormmon! If I would have realized the truth about the Digi-World sooner, Wormmon would still be here with me today! Punimon: You don't want to find Wormmon's Digi-Egg because you miss him. You just don't want to feel guilty anymore over causing his destruction. After all you did, we're not going to welcome you back with open arms even if we had 'em! Botamon: What do you think's going to happen? Wormmon's just going to hatch so he can be treated badly by you all over again? Ken: Wormmon won't come back to me? Just like my brother Sam didn't come back to me after he left....

You can feel the threading of that needle. They can't say "killed", they can't say "died", they can't say "caused him to die". But they still do a pretty good job of conveying all the sentiments here, and only have to cheat with "destroyed" once.

Ken unpacks what the babies have told him.

Ken: (thinking) That's the reality I didn't want to accept. Osamu-niisan is dead. Wormmon is dead. They're dead because of me. Niisan, who I hated more than anything. Wormmon, who I thought was the most worthless thing in the world.

Ken drops to his knees under the relentless barrage of emotional damage.

Ken: I'm the one who's worthless. Ken: (thinking) I'm worthless. I'm a speck. And now I'm grieving over Wormmon's death. What if I was the one who died? Wormmon would grieve for me, of course. Wormmon might be the only one who'd grieve. Ken: And yet I.... Ken: (thinking) I lost Wormmon to my own destructive habits!

Ken flashes back on Wormmon's death. A silent flashback to Wormmon saying his last words and then disintegrating in Ken's arms.

Note the return of "What if I died?" Yeah, we're not done with that topic. Here, in his grief, Ken proposes that Wormmon is the only person who would mourn for him, which makes what Ken did to Wormmon so much worse.

In the dub:

Ken: (thinking) This is a truth I don't want to face. Wormmon's not coming back. Sam's not coming back either. I caused both of them to go away. I hated my brother for getting all of the attention. I hated Wormmon because I felt he wasn't worthy of me. Ken: The truth is, I wasn't worthy of him! Ken: (thinking) These hands... These hands have caused so much pain. Sure, put a textbook in them and I'm a genius. But put a whip in them and I'm the evil Digimon Emperor. How could I have allowed this to go so far? If I only had the chance.... Ken: I'd say sorry, Sam! I'M SORRY, WORMMON!!! (Flashback) Wormmon: Good... bye, Ken. (Wormmon dies) Ken: (choked up) Wormmon, no....

As usual, the dubbed flashback has dialogue. That is what they said in the original, too.

Ken clarifies why he hated Sam so much in this version, though you'd think he'd also be mad about the hitting.

The dub isn't touching the "If I died" point with a ten-foot pole. Gave that topic a wide berth and instead starting wandered off to talk more generally about the wickedness of the Digimon Emperor.

Returning from flashback, the babies have more to say.

Punimon: You can't take back what you did! Once something is done, it can't ever be undone. Botamon: You can't just act like the past didn't happen. It's all part of you. The good stuff and the bad stuff is all a part of you. Ken: I have to accept that it's all part of me and live with it.

Dropping to his hands and knees now, Ken's tears drip onto the village's colorful nursery grass.

Ken: That I'm the Digimon Kaiser. That Nii-san is dead. That I caused Wormmon to die. That's fine... I can do that... Because, Wormmon, just the memory of you being with me will give me the strength.

Fuck, now I'm crying. T_T Ken deserves every part of this verbal dunking but I can still be sad about it.

Suddenly, Ken realizes something and looks up.

Ken: That's right! Wormmon, you've always been with me. Back then, I used Osamu-niisan's Digivice to explore the Digital World with you. Did I forget these memories? Or, rather, did I force myself to suppress them? But why? Why did I want to forget!?

Yep, we aren't done delving into Ken's past just yet. It's time to find out what exactly happened on that day he first entered the Digital World.

In the dub:

Punimon: It's too late for you now! You can't turn back time! What's done is done! You've made your bed, now lie in it! I'd go on but I can't think of any more cliches!

Really. Wow. Dub Team does not like this part of the episode. I'm not even going to call that an Abridged Parody-ass line; That is a Nostalgia Critic-ass line.

Botamon: The point is, you can't run away from the past! You've caused enough damage here. Why don't you crawl back under the Control Spire you came out of! Ken: Can't I start over? (Ken drops to his hands and knees and starts crying) Ken: I know that I've caused you all a lot of pain as the Digimon Emperor but I'm truly sorry now. Please forgive me! The cruel things I've done in the past won't ever leave me but I've got to move on with my life. I promise to concentrate on the good things in the past, not the evil. (Ken suddenly looks up in shock) Ken: I'll use my memories of Sam and of Wormmon to make me stronger... But I can't seem to remember any of the good memories. Only the bad ones keep playing in my head over and over again. I've blocked out the good ones. I must force myself to remember the beginning! I must think back to the first time I used Sam's Digivice to go to the Digital World!

The dub version of this speech is centered more broadly on Ken's penance for the crimes of the Digimon Emperor, rather than his personal relationships with Wormmon and Osamu. My favorite part is when he says, "I promise to concentrate on the good things and not the evil" which is literally the opposite of "The good and bad are both a part of you and you have to accept that".

Original Ken is undergoing a psychological self-examination and rebuilding the broken foundation for who he is as a person. Dub Ken is praying to the babies for redemption, and it feels more hollow as a result.

I also love that he says "I've got to move on with my life" to the people he's frantically apologizing too. "Look, I'm really sorry and I'll keep being sorry for another five minutes or so but then I'm over it, yo. I can really only spend so much time making this up to you."

Entering into the final flashback of the episode, we find Ken exploring a desert with an older boy by his side.

The boy is not identified but that's Ryo Akiyama from the Tamer video games. We're seeing a flashback to something that happened during Ken's time costarring in Tag Tamers.

The show leaves him hanging out there as an "If you know, you know" detail.

While they're walking, Ken accidentally triggers a random encounter and a Wild Pokemon Appears.

Gazimon: GAZIIIIII!!! Wormmon: LOOK OUT, KEN-CHAN!!!

A Gazimon explodes from the sand screaming their name for some reason and lunging at Ken. Wormmon tackles them in the chest, knocking them flat on their back but taking himself out with the recoil.

Gazimon is a Child-stage-- No, we're not doing any of that this episode. While the Gazimon scampers off, Ken rushes to his Partner's side.

Ken: WORMMON!!!

I love how Wormmon does win that fight but still in the most pathetic way possible. Ken appreciated him more back then but not because he was any better at vanquishing Ken's foes.

I also love how Wormmon beating back a fierce opponent and doing more damage to himself than his foe but nonetheless prevailing and saving Ken is a miniature version of the Chimeramon battle itself. This scene is a meaningful parallel.

In the dub:

Gazimon: YAAAAAAAGH-- (Wormmon tackles Gazimon and wipes them both out) Ken: Wormmon!

Gazimon doesn't yell anything in particular and Wormmon doesn't say anything when he intervenes.

Hurrying to Wormmon's side, Ken cradles his Partner.

Ken: Wormmon... Wormmon! Wormmon: (weakly) I'm okay... That was nothing....

I should hope so. It was your attack. XD

Ken: Wormmon.... Wormmon: I'm so glad I'm your Partner, Ken-chan. Ken: (gasp) Wormmon: Because you're so kind. Ken: Kind?

Ken flashbacks-within-a-flashback to blowing bubbles on the balcony with Osamu.

Osamu: You're the best at blowing soap bubbles, Ken. It's because you blow them so gently. (End flashback) Wormmon: But kindness alone isn't enough. You have to get stronger. Or else.... Ken: Or else? Wormmon: Or else you'll be crushed by your own kindness. Ken: (gasp) Wormmon: Ken-chan, that Digivice you have is yours. It's not anyone else's; It belongs to you. Just like how your heart belongs to you and only you. Don't forget that. And... Ken: And...? Wormmon: Don't run away.

Ever the insightful one, Wormmon pre-emptively cuts through all the bullshit surrounding "Osamu's" Digivice and in the process makes a meaningful statement about Ken himself. And even references Wizarmon's prophecy too while he's at it, because Wizarmon also fucking said that kindness alone is not enough.

It's just a shame that Ken got all of Wormmon's advice smacked out of his hand after he went home.

Wormmon is the Gabumon of this series. He has to do a lot of intensive emotional labor for the sake of a Partner who resists personal growth and is more stubborn than a bag of rocks. But eventually he starts to get there.

In the dub:

Ken: Wormmon! You okay? Wormmon: (weakly) I'm okay. It will take a lot more than him to beat me. Ken: Right! Wormmon: Ken, I'm really glad that I'm your Digimon and we're Partners. Ken: Huh? Wormmon: You're gentle and kind. That's why I like you. Ken: Huh? I'm gentle? (Flashback) Sam: Your bubbles come out perfect because you're gentle. I blow too hard and mine pop right away. (End Flashback)

I really like the way Wormmon conflates gentleness and kindness here in order to recapture the element of 優しい yasashii that was supposed to be a part of the bubble-blowing scene.

They couldn't make Ken's Crest virtue pop in that scene, but they use this flashback to have Wormmon harken back to it and go, "Actually, that was about his Crest virtue," retroactively.

Wormmon: But being gentle is not enough. You have to be strong as well. Otherwise, Ken.... Ken: Otherwise what? Wormmon: Your gentleness and kindness will become overpowered by those who are evil. Ken: Oh. Wormmon: It happens.

XD It happens. I don't think they knew what to make of the phrase "You'll be crushed by your own kindness".

To be honest, I'm not 100% on it either but I think Wormmon's referring to the exhausting effects of empathy overwhelm. Which a lot of us are familiar with these days.

Wormmon: The Digivice that you have belongs to you and not Sam. You're DigiDestined and no one can take that away from you. Evil forces will try to tell you otherwise but you can't listen to them! Never forget who you are! Ken: I won't! Wormmon: Do you promise?

They're roping in a lot of "evil forces" for this version of the speech. But at least they don't dismiss Wormmon's statements as "saying cliches" and refuse to engage with any of it. I'm still salty about that.

Returning from the flashback, Ken unpacks what he's just remembered.

Ken: It wasn't true that I didn't have anything. It was just easier to think that. Easier to resent Nii-san for it.

Ken folds his arms over his chest and cries.

Ken: I'm sorry, Osamu-niisan. I'm sorry, Wormmon. For the rest of my life, I'll accept those things that can't be undone.

This is where Ken finishes his delve into his past: With the acceptance that he can't go back. He can't change what happened to him, nor can he undo the way he felt in those moments or the things he's done to others.

In the same way that his parents can't go back and be better parents to their sons retroactively, Ken can't erase the way he resented Osamu. He can't erase the things he's done. He can't unkill Wormmon*. Those things happened and are a part of him now, and that's what he has to live with.

*Well, kind of. Wormmon is going to reincarnate like every Digimon, but Ken still can't take back what he said and did to Wormmon that led to that moment. Those things still happened.

In any case, this is the answer to the question of Ken's heart. This is Ken's heart. Everything that's been unpacked up to this point. The neglect and abuse inflicted on him and the cruelty that's come from him, but also the love and compassion that's been shared with him. Everything that's happened to bring him to this point is the totality of Ken's identity.

This revelation causes his Crest of Kindness to suddenly activate. Ken, startled, takes it out and stares at it. The one baby that doesn't hate his guts explains.

Poyomon: That's your Crest! Ken: My Crest?

Useful. Thanks.

As Ken's Crest glows, so too does a single Digitama across the nursery field. That same pink energy, the holy light of Ken's Kindness, lights it up. Inside the egg, an anxietous Baby Digimon waits.

Baby: Come and find me, Ken-chan! Hurry up and find me! Hurry! HURRY!!!

Ken does not hurry. He slowly approaches the Digitama and inspects it carefully.

Ken: This Digitama... Why is it glowing?

Good question. I'm sure there are many probable answers to that. Sometimes Digitama glow randomly. You should probably pay it no mind.

In the dub:

Ken: I broke my promise because I did forget. My whole life, I was trying to be someone else. Whether it was acting tough as the Digimon Emperor or trying to be more like Sam. (Ken breaks down crying) Ken: I've never been Ken. But I'm going to spend the rest of my life being the kind and gentle person that Wormmon wanted me to be!

Dub Ken's epiphany is that he needs to stop faking his personality and just be himself. Everything he's done as the Digimon Emperor was insincere and was just Ken "acting tough" out of insecurity.

There's an odd implication there that I don't know if it was intentional. That Ken started "acting tough" after Wormmon told him he needs to toughen up so he can throw hands at anyone who tries to take advantage of him kinda makes it seem like the Digimon Emperor is Wormmon's fault too.

I wonder if they meant to imply that?

(Ken's Crest glows) Ken: What's this? Poyomon: That's your Crest of Kindness! Ken: Are you sure it's mine? (Digi-Egg starts glowing) Baby: Ken, please find me! Please find me soon! Ken: That DigiEgg is different from the others.... Baby: Hurry, Ken! Ken: Something tells me I've seen it before. It's glowing just like the Crest of Kindness!

I don't know what's telling you that because you haven't.

The dub explicitly calls it the Crest of Kindness while Poyomon only calls it a Crest in the original. Though it's worth noting that we do know by this point what Ken's Crest is. Wormmon said it two episodes ago in his final moments.

Ken reaches out and grasps the Digitama. It glows even brighter and then pops, turning into a cradle with a little baby Leafmon inside of it.

NEW BABY JUST DROPPED

Leafmon is, of course, named for the leafy tail appendage that they use to shyly conceal themselves. Of course Wormmon's baby form would be a timid little thing.

Ken: Worm.. mon...? Leafmon: Ken-chan?

Ken starts crying at the sight of his reborn Partner.

Leafmon: You came looking for my egg?

Ken nods, then picks Leafmon up out of the cradle.

Ken: Yeah, I did. I searched everywhere for it. Leafmon: That's great! I knew you'd come find me! Ken: Wormmon.... Leafmon: What is it, Ken-chan? Ken: Thank you for being born.

This last line, "生まれて来てくれてありがとう Umarete kite kurete arigatou", is a Japanese expression that means pretty much exactly what it says. It's a way of expressing gratitude to someone for the positive influence that their existence has had on your life.

Wormmon tears up too at Ken's expression of fondness, and Ken embraces his Partner.

In the dub:

Leafmon: Hi, Ken! I'm Leafmon, the Baby form of Wormmon. (Ken cries, nods, and picks up Leafmon) Ken: I kept searching for you! I never stopped! Leafmon: Ken, thank you. You took a little detour in getting there but you kept your promise. Ken: What promise? Leafmon: Being kind and gentle. Ken: Thank you for giving me a second chance.

What do you mean, "What promise?" You just lamented like a minute ago that you broke your promise.

In the original, this conversation is about Ken and Wormmon's emotional bond. Leafmon is initially surprised that Ken came to find him, which makes sense given how Ken's treated him up to this point. Three episodes ago, the very idea that the Digimon Kaiser would care if Wormmon was gone was laughable.

But then Leafmon takes it back and admits that he had faith Ken would come. Despite everything Ken has become, Leafmon still believes in the boy he knew all those years ago. And, in this moment, that faith is rewarded with Ken's gratitude.

In the dub, this conversation is about Ken's atonement. "Thank you for being born" has become "Thank you for giving me a second chance". Ken intends to try harder to live up to Wormmon's expectations for him, and Leafmon acknowledges that he's on the right path.

While Ken hugs Leafmon, he thinks about the other relationships in his life and responds to a question he asked earlier, about who would grieve if he was the one who died.

Ken (V.O.): I'm so glad that Wormmon's alive. But is Wormmon the only person who's glad that I'm alive? No, of course not.

Back in the human world, we find Ken's mom weeping in the living room while his dad tries to console her.

Mother: HE MIGHT NOT COME BACK THIS TIME!!! Father: (worried) Don't be ridiculous! Of course he'll come back!

Suddenly, the door to Ken's room opens and he enters the living room.

Mother: KEN-CHAN!?!? Father: Where have you been!? Mother: We thought you disappeared again!

Stunned, Ken watches his mother cry.

Ken: (thinking) She's crying... Mom's crying because I went away... Ken: ...Mama.... Father: What was that? Mother: What did you say? "Mama"? Did you say "Mama"!? Ken: Mama... Thank you for giving birth to me.

Overwhelmed by emotion, Ken's mom pulls him into a hug and cries with relief.

Ken: Papa... I'm sorry I made you worry.

Ken's dad responds with a silent but affectionate pat on the head.

This, in turn, is the answer to the other question. The question of who would even miss Ken if he died. A question that's haunted him since those early days, that we already saw the answer to when he did erase himself from this world, but that Ken only now understands.

Please pay no attention to the continuity error, in that Ken's room was presented as being at the end of a hallway in previous episodes but now it opens directly into the living room.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): I wonder... If I was the one who was gone instead of Sam, would Wormmon be the only one who would miss me? Mmm... No, I don't think so. (Cut to crying parents) Mother: This time he might not come back at all! Father: Don't say such things. He'll be back! I'm sure of it! (Ken returns) Mother: KEN!!! Father: Ken! Where have you been!? Mother: We've been so worried about you! Ken: (thinking) Now I understand why she's crying. She missed me. Just like I missed Wormmon. Ken: Mama.... Father: What... did you say? Mother: He said "Mama". That means... he knows me! Ken: Mama! I'll give you that second chance if I can have one. (Mom hugs Ken) Ken: Thanks for being such great parents.

They are not. Like. Half the point of this episode is how badly their parenting has damaged their children. Weird thing to say right after offering a second chance, which implicitly acknowledges that they fucked up.

I actually really like the "I'll give you a second chance if I can have one" line but the follow-up kinda ruins it.

The dub lays the parallel here bare: As Ken's parents have fucked up their stewardship of their son, so too has Ken fucked up his stewardship of Wormmon and of the Digital World more broadly. These two things are not exactly the same. But they are the same kind of things.

The way Ken feels for the loss of Wormmon is the same as what his parents feel for their losses of Osamu and Ken. And as Ken gets a second chance to do better by Wormmon, so too do his parents get a second chance to do better by Ken. The dub drags this subtext out into literal text and they are right, that is what the episode is saying.

But their attempt at figuring out an organic English-sounding translation for "Thank you for giving birth to me" leaves much to be desired. XD

While Ken embraces his family, we close in on the photo of Osamu on the table under the windowsill.

Ken (V.O.): For the first time, I feel like I can now say this, Osamu-niisan: "Thank you for everything".

As he says this, we close on a shot of Leafmon hiding behind the bedroom door. Leafmon in the human world for the very first time, finally welcome as a part of Ken's real human life.

In the dub:

Ken (V.O.): And now I can finally say it: Thank you, Sam, for helping me find my heart. Narrator: Now that Ken is no longer the Digimon Emperor, will he join the DigiDestined? Find out on the next Digimon: Digital Monsters!

I was all set to be like "Fuck you, get out of here, Narrator! We're having a moment!" But actually, the Narrator doesn't try to make a spooky cliffhanger out of this like he usually does and instead asks a fairly valid question. So you get a pass this time, Dub Narrator.

So, did we find out the answer to last episode's question: Is T.K. right about the DigiDestined having a new enemy?

Well... It wasn't a big part of the episode but that email Ken got sure was ominous. So that probably counts. I'm gonna give this to 'em only on the thinnest possible margin.

Assessment: Okay, yeah, I can see why we needed to go on wacky piss adventures before doing this. This episode is complicated as fuck.

It doesn't really absolve Ken of the things that he's done but it also doesn't purport to. It says in no uncertain terms that those things are a part of him, just as his family's emotional abuse and some physical abuse from Osamu are, and just as the good times he shared with Osamu as well are. It's all part of the greater whole that makes up Ichijouji Ken, a Greater 'Hole.

You can even see parallels in the way Ken treated his Digimon versus his own upbringing. In particular, there's something interesting in the way Ken's parents neglected him in favor of his exceptional brother and how it relates to Ken's own snubbing of Wormmon in favor of first Agumon and then the exceptional Chimeramon.

Ken took the worst parts of his perception of his parents and his brother, and he magnified them in the Digimon Kaiser. He learned it from watching them and passed it along but without any of the nuance. There were good times as well as bad with Osamu and his parents, but he distilled only the bad into the Kaiser, the manifestation of Ken cracking under the pressure of becoming Osamu's replacement goldfish.

This episode goes a long way towards humanizing Ken while keeping its focus limited on Ken's backstory and relationship with Wormmon. We do see in his encounter with Punimon and Botamon that he despite the progress he makes here, he is very much unwelcome in the Digital World and understandably so.

But his willingness to accept himself, to accept the totality of himself, nonetheless sees both Ken and his parents rewarded with a second chance to be better for the people they love.

[viathewoods]

story update to those who care

its 4 years as of today! fun fact I started estrogen a few months after the provider (Folx) opened up for business.

after I take my first pill, I graduate high school and after trying to juggle 2 jobs for a bit, I drop the old and stay at the new.

its at this job I came out for the first time since medically starting my transition. it was to my boss, when I was apologizing for going to the bathroom so much during work (god self esteem issues were crazy then. good thing I don't have those now. right chat? ...right?) and I tell him how Spiro makes me need to go to the bathroom constantly. he says "don't worry about it you always come back quickly" and it was genuinely shocking to me that he didn't care at all that I was trans.

its at this job I meet August, a trans guy who didn't know he was at the time. we bonded over being awkward queers (he didnt know I was trans at the time, but he Looked at me and saw the queer yk). after we left the job for various reasons, we both come out to each other. at this point he's on T injections, and he inspired me to do e injections. he helps me the first time, and i get too nervous and don't actually push the plunger all the way down. he laughs and helps me prep a new needle. after a few months, I have the process down and I help him inject into his arm on days he doesn't quite have the mental energy.

fast forward a couple short years, and i move out of TX to escape a toxic work environment and an abusive household. I move to CA to be with my gf at the time. things didn't work out there, she left during pride month (rip) and I stay single for a couple months, rediscovering myself. I find out I really like layered, midlength haircuts and an androgynous style. transitioning for me is no longer about passing, its about being a beacon for other queers, showing them its ok. that we'll be ok.

its now November of 2024. Trump gets elected. obviously i am reasonably down that night, but my new roommates, Nix and Juno help me gain the mental fortitude over the next couple months to continue being said beacon. late November I get with my ex fiance, and we spend 3 short months together where we mostly fought. I was made to feel guilty for "preying on women". she insinuated that being trans was a fetish for me, and that I was only doing it because I found it hot. she told me to kill myself several times. yet I stayed until she left for good. I realized that I shouldn't have been there in the first place, and my calling was back home, where I could use my privilege as a white person to help uplift others.

on March 31st, 2025 i move back home. im building community. when shit gets bad here, we will hold strong and survive. im where I'm needed, where I'm wanted. where we will thrive.

we were queer long before they were in power, we will be queer long after.

on this day, May 10th, 2025, I celebrate another year of being who I am truly meant to be. I am not afraid to keep on living. we will make it. and we will honor those who don't.

as i approach 4 years on E, I reflect on my life a bit.

most trans peoples transition timelines don't necessarily include themselves as a child, but I have a picture of myself from 2008 of me playing dress-up with my sister. I wore a princess dress over my jeans and t-shirt. no one batted an eye, and that picture is still on a Facebook post. this was well before I was capable of understanding who I am, and what I would have to go through to be me. I was 6.

fast forward to middle school, (circa 2015) my gf at the time comes out as bi. I realized that having romantic feelings towards women felt queer of me. like that was gay of me, a cis (for now, again I didn't have the language for how I felt at the time) male. I come out as bi as well. I begin to feel wrong, intrinsically. there's something wrong and abnormal with me. (there will be autism allegations to come, but that's not the point)

freshman year. 2017. over a year's worth of teenage angst combined with (at the time) unidentified body image and gender issues explodes. I attempt to take my own life several times and was hospitalized twice in the course of that school year. I start heavy drinking to self medicate as well.

sophomore year, i go to rehab and list *shaving* as a coping mechanism. everyone, myself included, assumed it was a white noise thing. big realization coming.

junior year, where shit got real. second semester, covid-19 hit, and soon after I started online school I went and started work at a grocery store. there i meet Parker, a friend of mine who I later found out is trans. we talk about a lot of things over the late nights we worked, but eventually I ask THE question.

"how did you know you were trans?"

over the next several months, I try different labels, identities, pronoun sets, the whole nine yards. and Parker was one of the few who was there for me the whole time. Parker helped me realize who I am, and im eternally thankful for him.

on May 10th, 2021 i take my first estrogen pill. im about to graduate my senior year, and I realize my whole life is ahead of me. it didn't matter that my unaccepting parents found the pills and tried to talk me out of it, it only mattered that I was becoming the woman I was always meant to be

not the man I was supposed to be.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"Did you see him? Did you see what he did?" Sirius snapped "God! I can't believe he did that. It was humiliating. What is Benjy going to think?"

James was quiet as he placed a glass of water on his hand "Here, drink up"

"I'm sober!" Sirius spat "I don't need this. Remus is the one that needs it"

James pursed his lips "Lily already gave him some. She is taking care of him. I want to talk with you"

"About what?"

Sirius was furious but not with James. Never with James. He had been excited to plan a party for his friends for Halloween. Not only his lifetime friends from Hogwarts but also his new friends from art school.

Sirius just hated how insecure Remus had gotten. They had been dating for almost two years. They shared an apartment. They loved each other. What else did he need as proof?

Sirius had never loved anyone as he loved Remus. He was so freakingly in love that sometimes that feeling scared him. Sirius could never stop loving him. He was sure of that.

But when Remus got like that, drunk and jealous, Sirius didn't recognize him. He hated when Remus acted all possessive.

Remus had gotten so drunk in fact that said horrible things to Benjy.

"Remus is seeing things where there are not" Sirius said as he took a seat but he was too energetic so he stood up again and began pacing.

"I am the one to blame all the time! But he is the one who got drunk and started insulting Benjy!! In front of everyone! We were supposed to be hosting a party together. I am bloody right to be angry, aren't I?"

James took a deep breath and pushed his glasses up, something that made him look more mature. Maybe he was more mature. He was a father now.

"Do you want me to tell you you're right because I am your best friend and practically brother... Or do you want me to tell you the truth?"

Sirius frowned and stopped pacing.

"What do you mean?" he asked "What truth?"

"Remus got like that because of your attitude" James explained "And I think he's right..." he shook his head "Not about getting drunk and attacking Benjy but about getting jealous"

Sirius was about to reply something to defend himself. But he decided not to contradict James.

Yes, Benjy was a good friend. They had gotten close really fast. He was wild and passionate like Sirius himself. And Sirius had fun with him all the time. It wasn't his fault Remus never wanted to come to the parties or raves. He was more a person to stay home and enjoy a good book. But Sirius was constantly changing. He was in the peak of his youth. Long gone were the days when Sirius was too scared of getting out of the closet or confront his family. He felt young, full of energy, more queer and open with himself. Art School had opened for him a whole new world for him.

James and Lily had a Harry, and they never had time for fun anymore, always busy with baby things. Everyone was invested in their own lives. Sirius barely saw his old friends.

Benjy was fun to be around. He didn't have commitment with anyone or anything. Something Sirius admired from him.

"You do spend a lot of time with that bloke" James added "You talk about him a lot"

"He's a good friend" Sirius replied.

"Really?" James raised an eyebrow. He was being patient "Because Remus is not the jealous type. He doesn't get jealous of me, even if we are close"

Sirius groaned putting his head back.

"That's different" he said "He knows nothing could happen between us, you're like my brother"

"Cheers for that" James grinned "So you're saying something could happen with Benji?"

Sirius didn't know what to answer "I..."

"He's bisexual, isn't he?"

"Yeah but I am in love with Remus" There was no doubt in his words. Not anymore. He had fought with his feelings for so long until he couldn't take it anymore. And bam, Sirius fell in love for the first time "I love Remus"

James nodded, but he didn't seem so convinced.

"Remus wouldn't get jealous out of nowhere, though" James said carefully "Sirius...be honest with me" he leaned closer "Do you have feelings for Benjy?"

It would be easier if James didn't know him this well, if he didn't know when he was lying or avoiding a subject.

There was something that Sirius could only describe as a silly crush. There were moments when his heart began beating a little faster when Benjy touched his arm. Or maybe how much he liked when Benjy teased him. He wasn’t handsome or good looking but his attitude towards life was so attractive. He was so easily queer and just a rebel. Something that Sirius wanted to be.

But he loved Remus and he would never do anything to hurt him.

"Maybe you're confused..." James said seeing Sirius’s expression "But Remus feels insecure is because you don't give him security"

Sirius snorted "Well, I'm always trying to do romantic things together. It's Remus that doesn't want to join"

James shook his head "It doesn't work if you're only doing it because you feel guilty of spending less and less time with him. It has to come naturally"

Sirius wanted to say something but when James said the things as they were, not even Sirius could deny them.

"Remus is not stupid, Sirius" he added "He is realizing something is going on"

Sirius couldn't sleep that night. He felt like the worst piece of shit. His worst fear had been hurting Remus and that was exactly what he was doing.

The thing was that nothing felt like before. They weren't in school anymore. The friend group was all over the place. And Sirius wasn't that kid who thought the Hogwarts castle was his whole world. The rivalry between houses. The pranks. Rugby matches. The Marauders.

Sirius was almost twenty and he felt so tired of trying to dissipate Remus's insecurities. But he did so because he loved him. Although everything felt so wrong lately.

Sirius didn't want to be a bad boyfriend and decided to bring him breakfast to bed.

He usually wasn't the romantic type. And yet once he had been so in love he did all these cheesy things. He was still in love.

"Good morning, Mr. Lupin!" Sirius chanted as he placed the tray on bed and sat next to the sleeping bult of his boyfriend "Waky Waky! There's a delicious breakfast waiting for you"

Remus groaned before opening his eyes. He looked dreadful.

"Hangover, aren't we?"

Well, with everything Remus drank last night...

Remus looked confused.

"I thought you were angry with me"

"I was" Sirius sighed, then grabbed the cup of coffee to put sugar on it "But it is a new day and I want to start it with the right foot" he said "Also, I need someone to help me clean the mess"

And also, you feel guilty, don't you? A voice that sounded too much like James said in his head. Sirius ignored it.

"Pineapple?" Sirius said as he grabbed some pieces with the fork.

Remus was waiting for Sirius to snap at him again probably. However Sirius kept smiling.

"I spoke with Lily last night, I remember" Remus said touching his forehead "She thinks that the way I acted was not okay..." he sighed "And I agree... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything... I was..."

"Jealous?"

Remus nodded "Yes"

Sirius snorted. He didn't want to be angry anymore. But he didn't like the way Remus had acted.

"What's so funny?"

"Your jealousy, Remus" Sirius spat "I don't understand it"

Remus shook his head "Really?"

"Really? Really, what? I don't like that you're constantly thinking that I am going to... I can't stand your insecurity" he was actually not over it

"So I am crazy enough to see ghosts, yeah?" Remus was getting angry.

"You humiliated Benjy last night in front of our friends. I just wanted you to get along with them. With Benjy. I wanted my two worlds to collide"

"Okay I might have stepped over the line"

"Might have" Sirius mumbled mocking.

"But what do you want me to believe? I'm not crazy, Sirius!"

"It's about love!" Sirius replied "It's about trust and maturity" God, they were fighting again "I thought you wanted to be with me forever"

"You're the one who is not mature enough not to keep this relationship afloat"

"I'm doing everything I can!" Sirius almost screamed of fury. It had been exhausting actually. "I don't say anything when you speak hours on the phone with your friend, Grant"

"It is not the same and you know it"

"Right" God, they were so pathetic.

"Grant is like my James"

Sirius simply made a face. He knew Grant wanted to get into his boyfriend's pants all the time. He was just too good to admit it. And oh damn, he was acting the same way than Remus. All jealous and stupid.

"It's not only about Benji, Sirius" Remus said with tears in his eyes "It feels like you don't love me anymore, that I am a burden to you"

It felt like that when Remus behaved like this. Which made Sirius feel guilty again.

"Of course I love you" he said with tears in his eyes as well.

Remus leaned closer.

"Then swear to me you don't feel anything for him"

Sirius swallowed. He had to sound convincing. He had to stop feeling this way. And feeling sort of attracted to Benjy. He felt like he was with one foot in and one foot out of this relationship. He wished he could feel the same way when they started dating. On the top of the world. So happy and so in love. But lately his love was based on pure memory.

"I swear, Moony, yeah"

Remus smiled and kissed him then. And the way he did it felt so wrong and desperate. As if both of them were trying to prove something.

Then Sirius’s phone rang in that second, and as if it was a curse, Benjy's name appeared on the screen.

When Remus saw it, he immediately got hurt.

Sirius ignored the call and blocked his phone.

"Are we okay, then?" Sirius asked, surprisingly desperate.

Remus seemed tense.

"Thanks for breakfast" he said as he got out of bed "But I have to go to work"

And Remus was angry again. This was a cycle that never ended.

Sirius didn't say anything else than "Okay" as Remus entered the bathroom. He even slammed the door closed.

Fuck! Since when did this relationship felt like hell itself?

[kindahoping4forever]

📸: Ryan Fleming

[wardensantoineandevka]

on a scale of Charlotte "I pretended I didn't know who Auggie was in front of a Lightkeeper" Eaves to Nathaniel "Candela asked if I knew anyone with the mettle for difficult work, so I looped in two of my war buddies, who are childhood friends, seen as surrogate sons by another investigator, and one of whom has a whole thing with the other investigator" Trapp, how much is your circle's Face worrying over the thought that Candela may not want people with close prior connections working together

[nightlockrebel]

Katniss didn’t flinch when he spoke. Not even a flicker of hesitation crossed her face. Instead, she lifted one hand to cover his where it rested against her cheek, her fingers slipping between his like roots finding home in familiar soil. He was her home. Nothing was going to pull them apart again.

“No,” she said, voice low but firm. “It doesn’t worry me. What worries me is you thinking you have to be perfect to come back.” Her brows knit gently, eyes searching his. “I know what it’s like to carry something that never really leaves. To have to live with it—work through it—every day.” Her thumb brushed over his knuckles, a soft, anchoring touch. “You don’t scare me, Peeta. You never have. Not even when you were lost in it.” She paused, a breath catching. “What scared me was the thought of losing you for good.”

Her gaze softened, and for a moment, the weight of all the years apart. “Maybe it’s time we stop trying to do it all alone,” she murmured, knowing she more so meant herself. “Maybe it’s time we heal together. Not as some perfect version of ourselves, but just… us. As we are. Right now.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, but steady. Steadier than it had been in years. “We'll never know if we don't try?"

She felt like she'd been speaking all night long, the way her shoulders slumped and her voice softened. Really, it was that she was still so nervous he'd decide against it. She wanted him home, more than anything. She wanted to remember what being in love with him was like. If he ever thought about that day on the beach, the day they married.

The weight of their confessions, finally lifting after all this time. The tension in his shoulders eased, the knots in his stomach gave away, still with a flutter but this time not out of fear or worry but rather the full realization that she reciprocated his feelings. His smile brightened, and he shook his head with a laugh, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"You don't have to wait anymore." he told her, hands on her cheeks, holding his whole world in his palms.

She asked him so sweetly, not a demand, but still a call to action. A hope that he'd want to return to twelve. And he did! Every fiber of his being screamed to be with her. There was nothing in the Capitol to keep him there. And she was everything, everything that kept him breathing and working. But this worry, this gnawing feeling in his gut took over.

"I...I still get flashbacks." he spilled out, hurriedly. "I haven't had any violent fugue episodes in a long time but I haven't been around you in a long time. Does...that worry you?"