#But at a certain point you pick up on a pattern and a routine. and you can kind of sense when a hyperfixation is going to end

[illdothehotvoice]

Who would win? My Ace Attorney hyperfixation that was supposed to last to at LEAST September 15th or one 30 second video where Mario and Luigi go "Yahoo!"

[theninthdoor]

virgo season🪻♍ mini tarot reading ࿔*

decks used || the druidcraft tarot, wild uknown animal spirit & the prism oracle. songs || shuffle pick from a random 2000s playlist. when picking a group, use your sun and/or rising signs. (disclaimer: based on current energies. all is alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)

🍊 Mutables | Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces Song: The Fray - How to Save a Life

Cards: page of pentacles reversed, king of pentacles, eight of swords, Tiger (reversed), Flow

So, my dear mutable signs... it seems like this upcoming Virgo season is all about you working on getting your life back together after a period of disruption. In these past few weeks or months, you might have found yourself a little more sensitive, more reactive and easily overwhelmed. Perhaps you were pushed by people or circumnstances to let go of certain habits or routines that were already well set in your life, and that has made you feel out of balance. Going forward, I still see some struggle when it comes to making up for the empty space, plus there might be times when you go from 0 to 100 in a blink of an eye - so having no energy or motivation, and then going straight to being the most proactive and productive person on the planet - and, of course, going from one extreme to another must take a toll on your mental, emotional and physical bodies. With that, I must remind you that self-care is very important here. Don't let yourself stay stuck in situations or patterns that haven't been serving you, because they will only keep adding on to the frustration and unrest, but also please make sure to consciously keep working at a pace that is healthy and sustainable, to make sure you don't burn out. One last thing that came through: making up with friends/family/acquaintances or reuniting after a challenging period of misunderstandings or non-communication. Watch out for how you express youself, and let them speak as well! Whatever has been broken, can be mended, but you also need to take some accountability and be fair. - This might not apply to everyone, but if you were looking for this message/confirmation, here it is.

🩰 Fixed | Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius Song: Sean Kingston - Beautiful Girls

Cards: five of swords reversed, eight of cups reversed, queen of swords, Dragonfly reversed, Love

the song???! 😭

So, for all my beautiful fixed signs (no pun intendend lol): this Virgo season will be all about you stepping back into your power. You're feeling yourself, taking care of yourself, being more social and having more vibrancy in general. There's just so much stuff you can't be bothered with anymore, and letting go of that is finally allowing new, beautiful energy to come into your life. However, that might come easier to some than to others... Even if you're not bothered with those things actively, they might still be hanging out at the back of your mind, popping in every now and then throughout your day. Don't ignore them, alright? But don't dwell on them either. You should be going about these matters with logic and patience, so they can be resolved properly and as soon as possible. I also feel now you're being a little more detached or acting a little colder towards certain people (if not all). You are definitely feeling more comfortable to put yourself out there and be more social, as a said, but there is still some distance that you're keeping between yourself and others. There's an aspect of self-protection here, but also self-love? You're self-protecting out of love for yourself, it feels like. After much trial and error, you have finally decided to give yourself what others haven't been able to. "I can buy myself flowers." I keep getting pulled to that Queen of Swords + the Dragonfly reversed (indicative that the energy is out of balance, which then points towards 'lack of concentration and a busy mind'), and that reminds me of Gemini - so whether that is you or someone you're dealing with this season, that whole energy should be around you in these upcoming weeks.

🍎 Cardinal | Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn Song: Britney Spears - Circus

Cards: death reversed, the tower reversed, five of wands, Lion, Strength

When everything around you is falling apart, people aren't getting along, and it seems like you're having to walk on eggshells to avoid being pulled into conflict, you'll have to take it upon yourself to step into power and either act as a mediator between those conflicting sides, or force it all to be done with. You're tired of chaos, of noise, of people being selfish and reckless, and now you're looking for peace and order, and you know the change has to start with you. However, that doesn't mean you're going to be docile and quiet, neither aggressive or argumentative! We have both the Lion and Strength here, so this is moreso about having patience, determination and (self)control. Besides, some people might come out to poke you, provoke you, trying to get a strong reaction out of you - and sometimes they might get what they want, but here we have a reminder that you must really make an effort to keep it together and lead by example. - "There's only two types of people in the world / The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe." this part of the song in particular, feels relevant here. In general, in this Virgo season I see you taking on more responsibilities, perhaps also packing your schedule with new/more activities and events, or finally waking up after a slow, fruitless period, and deciding to clean up all the mess around you so you can get back to action. The final message that came through is about the Libra Venus transit, and it influencing you to pay more attention to your physical appearance. If you've been thinking about changing your style, haircut, starting or going back to getting your nails done, treating yourself to a spa day, getting a better skincare routine or something along those lines, this is the time to do that.

🌍 relevant transits: ⭒ mercury stations direct in leo on august 26th / shadow period ends on september 11th ⭒ venus enters libra (domicile) on august 29th ⭒ new moon in virgo on september 2nd ⭒ mars enters cancer (fall) on september 4th ⭒ mercury enters virgo (domicile) on september 9th ⭒ partial full moon lunar eclipse in pisces on september 17th

[moonmaiden1996]

Silent Persuit Chapter Four

River’s plan unfolded flawlessly, each encounter crafted to feel accidental, as if the city itself had conspired to place him along your path. He’d settled himself into your surroundings so seamlessly that he became part of the backdrop—an unassuming figure who simply seemed to belong in the coffee shops, bookshops, and stations you frequented. If he had once been a stranger, he was now a familiar one, woven into the rhythm of your life in such a way that his presence no longer registered as unusual.

On mornings when he knew you’d pick up breakfast from the bakery, he’d arrive just minutes before you, idly perusing the selection. As you entered, he’d give a slight nod, lifting his coffee in a friendly, familiar gesture that seemed to say, Good morning. You found yourself nodding back, a smile playing on your lips—a routine so natural it felt like something you’d shared with him for years.

In other places, too, River kept that careful distance. Like that rainy afternoon in the crowded bookshop, where he waited just out of sight, pretending to flip through a novel until he heard your soft footsteps. Then, with timing perfected by practice, he would step back and “accidentally” bump into you. When he turned around, surprised and apologetic, you’d look up, recognise him, and share a quiet laugh, surprised yet somehow reassured by the coincidence.

At the Saturday market, he’d linger near a stand you wouldn't be interested in but one that you would have to pass, glancing up just as you strolled past. His gaze would meet yours for a brief moment, and there it was—that polite nod, a quick exchange of familiarity, like two regulars bound by the same rhythm. Sometimes he’d murmur a simple “hello” as he passed, nothing more, always light and easy, never more than the casual comfort of a familiar face.

Each time you saw him, you felt something shift. At first, you brushed it off, dismissing the encounters as the city’s typical coincidences. But soon, the pattern emerged. You began to expect him in certain places, glancing around out of instinct, almost eager to spot him. The mere thought that he might be there sparked a strange sense of excitement.

Over time, it even began to feel like you were the one always noticing him, starting to watch for him before he’d even appear. The first time you caught yourself doing it, you laughed it off, but the thought lingered: what if you were the one keeping tabs on him? And each time you tried to let it go, there he was again, as if reading your mind, already seated by the window or passing through a door. He was always just a step ahead, so casual and unassuming that you couldn’t bring yourself to question it.

The tipping point came one evening as you stepped off the tube. There he was, just a few steps ahead of you, his presence almost imperceptible, yet somehow reassuring. You hesitated, pausing to let him catch up, and when he did, he gave you a gentle smile—a look that seemed to say, I know you’re tired. Without a word, he walked on, leaving you to continue on your path. But the warmth lingered, deepening the inexplicable connection between you.

And then, as suddenly as he had appeared, he began to retreat. The mornings in the café, the nods exchanged at the market—each occurrence started to thin, a calculated absence that left you noticing his lack of presence. When you didn’t see him, a quiet ache grew, a faint longing to spot him, even just in passing. Without realising it, you began searching for him, missing the silent reassurance of those familiar nods and smiles.

It was an intricate balance he’d crafted, and by the time you noticed, you were already pulled into the fabric he’d woven. River had become part of your world, a piece of the city you hadn’t known you wanted until he was no longer there. And in the stillness he left behind, he knew you’d come to see that he was more than a stranger—he belonged. Soon he would be right where he wanted to be— with you, in every sense of the word. 

xxx

“Why the fuck did you drag me all the way back here?” Lamb groaned as he flopped into his armchair, the fabric creaking under his weight. He let out a rather impressive belch, the sound echoing through the otherwise quiet room. The others had long since gone home, the perfect place to have this meeting, where no one else would overhear. “I’ve got better things to do with my spare time than sit around and converse with you, like taking a shit,” he grunted, lighting another cigarette and staring across at Louisa with a look that suggested he wasn’t remotely interested in whatever she had to say.

“Look at these,” Louisa replied, shoving a series of photographs across the coffee table toward him, the glossy prints catching the light.

“I know you two have grown close, but I think following Cartwright with a camera is a bit overkill. I really can’t be arsed with the issues this is gonna bring up with HR,” he mumbled, barely glancing at the images, his mind already conjuring excuses to avoid the impending drama. He knew what this was, of course he did. But it was something he would much prefect not to bring Lousia into, it would save the headache.

“Just look at the pictures!” Louisa insisted, her voice rising with frustration. “For the past six months, River has been following this woman. Six months, Lamb! At least that was before I picked it up.”

Lamb rolled his eyes, his irritation palpable. “So what, River’s been wandering around London chasing this bird because he can’t figure out how to talk to her? He probably doesn’t think he’s good enough for her. And he’s right—she’s got a decent pair and a nice face, and he’s a lanky piece of piss.”

“God, Lamb, take this seriously! River has been stalking her, and now he’s started dropping himself in places where he can meet her, bump into her. It’s not just some silly crush anymore!” Louisa’s voice shook with urgency as she slammed her palm on the table, making the photographs rattle.

“And?” Lamb leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly. “Do I look like Cartwright’s caretaker? I’m not getting involved in this mess. It’s not my problem.”

“Do I look like I give a shit? If you won’t do something, I will!” Louisa snapped, rising abruptly from her seat. Her chair scraped against the wooden floor as she stormed out, leaving the door swinging behind her.

Lamb sagged deeper into his chair, exhaustion creeping into his bones like a slow poison. He felt old now, too old for this type of shit. The dim light in the room seemed to mock him, casting shadows that mirrored the weight of his thoughts. He exhaled slowly, letting the smoke curl into the air. “Oh River, River, River. You wanted to be just like the old bastard; well, congratulations, you prick.”

He ran a hand over his face, feeling the stubble that had begun to grey. Lamb glanced at the photographs Louisa had left behind. The first few showed River from a distance, hidden in shadows, a look of determination plastered across his face. In the next, the woman—young, beautiful, and seemingly unaware of the chaos surrounding her—moved through her day. 

“Christ, what a mess,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck as he contemplated the inevitable storm brewing ahead. River was going to get himself into trouble, just like his grandfather before him, and Lamb was the only one who knew, he supposed he’d have to step up, whether he liked it or not. “Just like old times,” he smirked wearily as he took one last drag of his cigarette. 

I honestly could hold myself back from writing Lamb, he was really daunting to write but I am proud of how he came out.

Please let me know what you think! Next chapter will be heating up as River's fantastic plan is about to be detrailed by a new player then means he has to go to plan b.

As always, comment, like, leave a request. xx

[projectionistwrites]

I HEAR A SYMPHONY

Joel Miller x gn!reader (1.5k+)

Joel Miller once lived and breathed a melody, before Cordyceps came and stole the music in his heart away—but then he met someone who set his world back into tune.

RATING: EXPLICIT (18+, mdni) WARNINGS: SMUT (very abstract descriptions of sex, suggestive themes), this entire thing is supposed to come across as an eloquent metaphor but it’s rushed and probably super scattered

i hear a symphony — cody fry

i used to hear a simple song that was until you came along now in its place is something new i hear it when i look at you

He strummed chords on invisible strings when he was nervous.

It was something he’d done since he first learned to play guitar, fingers absentmindedly following practiced patterns when his hands were at his sides. He'd sometimes sing along in his head—Smoke on the Water, Purple Rain, Bad Moon Rising—his fingers dancing across the frets in his mind, nimbly plucking away at familiar melodies.

For many years, Joel Miller aimed to find song in every corner of his life—it was his calling since he was a child. Even when his aspirations of being a singer faded into the background as reality settled in, music always dwelled within him, all-encompassing and ever salient. It came in the form of tinny vinyls spinning on a record player; rewound cassettes echoing his favorite albums through his tired Walkman into the early hours of the morning; the shitty radio in his old pickup that only ever picked up a signal to the country music station; humming softly to himself as he flipped pancakes for his daughter's breakfast; compulsory whistling as he and his brother worked long hours in the blistering Texas sun.

When the outbreak happened, and the familiar melody of his daughter’s laughter died alongside her, his fingertips still bore the callouses from the guitar strings and his hands still itched to follow the progressions of long-forgotten tunes—but his world had fallen silent. The once steady time signature that had helped keep his days flowing with an even rhythm and tempo was holding an indefinite fermata; the once routine symphonies of daily living devolved from a worldly tune into a cacophony of dissonance; the once musically-inclined man struggled to find any semblance of lyricism in the sounds around him when everything just seemed to be noise.

But still, his fingers reminisced what his mind had since forgotten—they continued to maintain their dexterity, strumming silent harmonies and dancing along the neck of the ghost of his acoustic guitar.

The reflexive tendencies that occupied his hands were instinctual, nothing more than an idiosyncrasy that served to synchronize the energy in his body with the rapid pace with which his thoughts traveled. He didn’t notice it anymore—the chord progressions were unidentifiable at this point, his fingers operating outside of his conscious control.

But you noticed. He wasn’t sure how, or why you were observing him so meticulously that you were able to identify the patterned movements of his restless fingers, but you noticed. The inaudible melodies that his hands persistently played had always fallen on deaf ears—but the songs seemed to echo at a frequency at which only you were attuned to hear.

A knock on his door on a brisk winter evening in Jackson—your cheeks were dusted pink as you shivered on his front steps, glowing beneath the dim shine of his porch light.

There was a guitar in your hands. Your fingers were wrapped around the neck tightly as you stared up at him, a certain innocence twinkling in your kind eyes. You were nervous—the timbre of your voice fluctuated as you explained the purpose of your surprise visit. You’d been drawn to the constant motion of his fingers, your curiosity piqued at just how fluid, deliberate, and controlled each stroke appeared to be. You’d found the instrument abandoned in the attic of the home you resided in, destined to never play another tune until you’d stumbled upon it accidentally. Joel listened to your long-winded explanation—you’d been trying to teach yourself to play, and that’s why the twitching of his fingers had caught your attention; you’d recognized the technique, as you’d been hopelessly trying to emulate it yourself.

Something awoke in him as you stood on his porch that night. It was unidentifiable at the time, even after he’d invited you inside to escape the frigid December air and you’d sat across from him at the kitchen table. He was intrigued by your interest in him, and slightly impressed at your audaciousness to confront him at his own home with nothing more than an inkling that your deductions about him had been correct. It was only after you’d passed the guitar over into his lap and he began to carefully twist the tuning pegs to tighten the strings that he finally recognized what, exactly, had changed inside his mind when you first opened your mouth to speak.

The empty static had been replaced with a note. Soft, and discreet, but he could hear it. The very first chord plucked on his guitar, signifying the beginning of a composition. An overture.

Joel began to seek you out. It wasn’t difficult to do—he just had to close his eyes and listen. The wind carried the gentle dulcet of your voice; the mellifluous trill of your laughter soon became his favorite sound; with each exhale, you conducted an elegy; your very being seemed to coalesce into an aria, everything you touched seemed to resolve itself into harmony.

Similar to his recollections of your songs, your meetings increased in frequency—his large, weathered hands guided your fingers with patience and restraint, watching the quiet concentration on your face as your fingertips grew accustomed to the bite of metal strings. He became partial to serving as your audience in the mezzanine seats—your back settled between his parted legs as you sat on the floor in front of his chair, your shoulders nestled between his knees as he observed you from above, leaning forward to coach you through your occasional mistakes. His arms would blanket your own when he’d reach to manipulate the position of your hands, his palms settling over your knuckles as he adjusted your fingers to mimic his own.

You were a fucking earworm. When he was out on patrol, when you were busy helping in the dining hall, the only thing replaying in the back of his mind was you, you, you. The way your eyes shone with wonder when he’d finally relent to your endless pleas and play you something from his past. The way your fingers would twitch from where they rested on your thighs, mindlessly trying to mirror each chord he strummed. The way your lips would part when the acoustics trapped you into a trance, your mind completely enraptured by the songs he shared.

You clung to each melody with devout appreciation, drinking them in as if they were the only remedy to quench your insatiable thirst for euphony. On the rarest of occasions, when his vulnerability peeked from behind the curtain and he allowed you to listen to the gravelly timbre of his voice, the awestruck expression on your delicate features would provide a metronome for his performance in the form of his pounding heart, beating rhythmically against his ribcage.

Crescendoing. The brush of his fingers against your skin would linger for just a bit longer each time—the cloyingly sweet redolence of your honeysuckle perfume permeated even the stench of blood and decay that sometimes followed him home after macabre patrol shifts. The refrain of your duet finally made way for the bridge on the night your lips first melded with his—the hot sting of your mouth against his, your fingers buried in his hair and your body flush against his own—he found himself continuously longing for an encore.

As more and more of your musical arrangements revealed themselves to him, he familiarized himself with his favorite pieces in your repertoire—the desperate whine subdued by a kiss when he nipped at the swell of your lower lip; the ragged panting breath that escaped you when his hands slowly removed your clothes; the carnal whimpers of need when your body demanded a faster tempo than the one he was providing; the incessant repetition of your begging as his mouth worked you over, pleading for your release; the depraved moan that accompanied the initial stretch of him breaching your entrance; most of all, the sound of his name on your lips, his favorite fucking verse, your typically melodic intonation reducing itself to a wrecked, breathy version of your voice as you chanted nonsensically—please, Joel, fuck, give it to me, yes, yes, yes—

Joel was the maestro—but you were the fucking musician. He knew how to conduct, but Christ, you knew how to play. His body was your instrument, and you knew exactly how to make him sing. With practiced flicks of your wrist and calculated slides of your tongue, each note you drew from him was deliberate and strategic, performing perfectly in unison with the conductor's gesticulations.

His life had fallen back into tune. The soft, forgiving lull of your presence had reminded him of the aspirations of his past—the reason he wanted to pursue a future of music, the way the vibrations felt low in his diaphragm when he allowed his voice to ring clear. For so long, he’d lived in a world characterized by chaos and disorder, but somehow, you’d quelled the dissonance and reintroduced the broken shell of a man to the solace of song.

He watched you strum the guitar, sitting on the bench on his front porch. Your face was illuminated by the dim yellow glow of the porch light, reminiscent of the time you’d first wound up on his stoop. As your fingers deftly plucked at the strings, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth in concentration, every wrong note that Joel had ever played resolved itself as the symphony you personified washed over him—a frisson of overwhelming magnitude possessed his body as a resounding realization dawned on him.

You were his magnum opus.

[harri-etvane]

Prompts for sharing a bed: one talking in their sleep and the other listening fondly and gently kissing the other awake

There was only one bed/sharing a bed Prompt list: First time sharing a bed as a couple.

It's so difficult to pick one, these prompts are all so cute 🥹 🥰

Hello love! The sharing a bed prompts were just- too adorable 🥰 I'm sorry this took so long! This is about 500 words and covers the first one. I'm hoping to have something a bit longer for the next one, more of a oneshot sort of thing that I can tag you in when I've finished if you like? I wanted to get this one out there because I've taken too long already! I hope you like it 💕

-------

When Maksym Donets swore to protect, to uphold, to give his life for the President of Ukraine - this was not what he had anticipated his mornings looking like.

Definitely not a complaint though.

He props himself up on his elbow and watches Volodymyr, free hand gently tracing soft patterns on his exposed chest, pausing a moment to lightly press his palm against the thump-thump of his heart; a welcome reminder of something that has, at times, seemed fleeting. He tries not to think too often- of the sound of gunfire in the compound of Bankova Street, of Vova's pale, tense features, his small frame dwarfed by a bulletproof vest, a gun in his hands.

This feels, somehow - a world away from those first few nights.

Vova mutters something in his sleep and Maks smiles.

"You said it was coffee-” the sense of righteous indignation in his words sees the quiet flowering of affection in Maksym's chest. It's such a very Vova thing to say; so terribly precious somehow in its normality. He grumbles on a little longer about coffee before eventually falling silent. They lie there, together, in the slow waking morning, Maksym just happy to watch Vova; this beautiful quietness, the softness of him, not yet dragged away by whatever awful news the day will undoubtedly bring.

A little while later, Maks feels the alarm on his watch vibrate unobtrusively- a reminder that– ah. 5:30am. That means Vova has had at least five and a half hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep. Six would have been better and seven a rare treat; but it's still preferable to the nights where he has two, three hours at the most. For all Maks would rather let him rest, he knows that Vova has a call with America in 45 minutes that he cannot miss and does not want to delegate to anyone else - even Andriy.

This is a simultaneously least favourite, and yet still beloved moment in Maksym's daily routine. He leans forward and gently presses a kiss to the tip of Vova's nose. Nothing doing, save a faint quirk of his lip, even in sleep. He moves on to the roundness of his cheek, lips grazing against the stubble there, the roughness familiar, pleasant even, the clean scent of him.

"Vova–” his own voice now is a sleep-roughened growl, but it doesn't rouse the President who, if anything, seems to cuddle closer to Maks, shuffling deeper into sleep.

"Mmfghn,” is the reply.

"I know–” he peppers a few more kisses along Volodymyr's jawline. “I know it's horribly early, I'm sorry-” there is a tinge of genuine grief to his words momentarily - wishing again that he didn't have to do this, that instead they could wake slowly together, secure in the knowledge that they have nothing to do, nowhere to be, save for with one another. He notices Vova's eyelids flickering in the distinct way they do when he's almost, almost awake. Maks continues his personal endeavour - figuring out exactly how many of Vova's freckles, his frown lines, the little wonderous imperfections he can kiss before he actually opens his eyes.

“M ‘wake-” Volodymyr's voice is a certain low timbre that sends a shiver through Maksym, paused just-so, his lips pressed against Vova's soft, fluttering pulse-point. He noses there for a moment, appreciating the warmth, the rumble of Vova's voice in his throat, the way his hand reaches and begins to rub softly at the back of Maksym's head, sleepily affectionate.

"Morning, love.” He kisses Vova softly again, at his pulse point - moving gently upward to his lips.

"Time 's it?" his voice still has the same low growl that itches at a particular spot in Maksym's brain and he swallows hard. After a moment or two, he manages to form words.

"Half five--"

The resultant groan almost makes Maksym laugh - Vova manages to make his morning churlishness somehow adorable; all ruffled brown hair and big sleepy eyes, a soft pout that he's almost powerless to resist.

"I know. I know I'm a monster for waking you up this early but I can make coffee if that would sweeten it a little?"

Rather than responding, Vova reaches up and cups Maksym's cheek gently, thumb resting on his cheekbone as he drags the other man into another kiss.

[piastrinorris]

thinking about autistic!eddie again (advance warning: posting from mobile rn bc my wifi provider is down and i have typed readmore between colons but whether that works is another matter, soz in advance if it doesn't)

eddie who can't function without his emotional support tangle toy. wayne practically has stock in chewy charm manufacturers based on how many eddie goes through

eddie who doesn't just infodump about dnd and metal and fantasy genre stuff with people he feels safe around, he shares EVERYTHING he loves with his friends. he'll find things he likes the texture of and rub it against his friends' cheeks so they get to feel it too! and he'll point out other phenomena that makes him happy, like seeing multiple cars drive past, one after the other, that are all the same colour. or he'll try to make words/sentences up out of license plates to cheer his friends up, bc that's always something that gets him out of a funk. or he'll make everyone boxed mac n cheese when they visit the trailer bc that's his favourite meal

eddie whos number one detention reason is "talking back" but really its just that certain teachers trigger his echolalia and he can't help but repeat what they say, its not his fault they take offence to it. the second reason is "being disruptive" but again, it's not his fault that they're so unengaging that he has no choice but to stim. hollowing his cheeks out and flicking them so they make a sound. tapping each of his rings against the table in sequence, getting in even more trouble when they stop him mid-sequence bc sure, he'll stop, but only when he gets to the end of the pattern bc why would you stop anywhere else?

eddie who everyone thinks must be slimy n grimy but who has a Very Specific hygiene routine so his hair and skin never feel gross. he also has to keep his nails as short as possible, if he can see more than a sliver of white on his fingernails, he clips them and picks them and chews them until they're gone again

eddie who bases almost everything on his autistic intuition, which the others try and tell him is just him trying to justify avoiding social situations but it always eventually comes out that eddie was right to avoid the people he got bad vibes from

eddie who wears layers on layers no matter what the weather bc pressure relief keeps him the most grounded. jeff gives him the best squeezes whenever he needs them

eddie who LOVES parallel play. like everyone could be playing a one-shot that gareth has been planning for weeks now, and even though eddie gets overstimulated as a player (hence why he's a forever dm) he's more than happy to sit at the table and read while everyone else plays

eddie who is "failing" math even though its his most favourite subject bc even though he gets the answer right, the way he works it out isn't the curriculum's way

eddie who maladaptive daydreams this perfect world in which corroded coffin make it big, they're out here headlining festivals and selling out tours, but sometimes that's his own worst enemy bc one of the others suggest something for the band, it doesn't fit in his fake storyline so he can't picture it working out, even though all the others think it's a good idea. he eventually lets them, but it takes him a while to work this new thing into the Big Picture in his head

[merrock]

CHARACTER INFORMATION

face claim: Carlson Young

full name: Marianne Mae Fusselman

nickname(s) / goes by: Marnie

pronouns & gender: cis woman, she/her

sexuality: bisexual

birth date: September 22, 1995

birth place: Beaverton, Oregon

arrival to merrock: 2023

housing: She lives with her great-aunt in the rural countryside.

occupation: Barista

work place: Cobblestone Cafe

family: Her great-aunt Mae, parents out-of-state, one younger sister

relationship status: single

PERSONALITY

Marnie is serious — too serious, she knows . She often finds herself preoccupied with uncertainties, concerns, dreams, memories, and life’s bigger questions, mulling over thoughts until they’re smooth as river rocks. She fears vulnerability and, in the past, has evaded being known by others. Now, she’s arrived at a point in her life where she realizes she needs those genuine connections. Once you earn her trust, you will find a pragmatic, direct, and steadfast companion in Marnie. She’s someone who will help you purge your wardrobe and finally donate half your shit to charity, or insist on cooking you a hearty meal with lots of vegetables. At the bottom of it all, she wants to show up for the people she loves and take care of them as best she can. She would love friends with whom she can have a real, good, honest laugh — something she’s been missing for years.

WRITTEN BY: Rain (she/her) est.

BACKGROUND / BIO

Marnie spent a lot of her childhood moving around the country for her father’s job, and thus learned to be highly adaptable; the flip side of that coin is that she has felt unmoored for a long time. She’s fixated on the concept of “home,” and in the process of trying to find it for herself, has bounced around from state to state in her own right ever since she turned 18. She’s always been a very creative person, leaning heavily into writing short stories, plays and films during her high school years. For a long time, she felt that making it as a writer was what her entire life hinged upon. She went to college in Philadelphia and struggled hard through an entire undergraduate degree program in screenwriting just to discover that she just isn’t cut out for keeping pace with the intensely competitive film industry. Once so certain about her identity, she found herself freewheeling, and has spent years picking up odd jobs and temporary gigs, struggling with feelings of purposelessness but unsure about what she should commit to and so afraid of making a wrong choice. A consistent thread throughout her life has been food service, for a few reasons: the jobs are very easy to get and to leave, and she actually really enjoys the work. She steered toward working in coffee shops a few years ago, and takes great pride in her craft as a barista.

Now at the end of her twenties, broke, lonely and growing weary of the patterns her life has taken, she’s come to Merrock to live with her great-aunt Mae, who she lived with for a few years as a child and still remains close to. She seeks clarity and peace, community and companionship, routine and regularity, and work with meaning — at least, she thinks she does. A small part of her, so small she can almost ignore it, worries that even if all of those things are presented to her, she won’t be able to embrace them. But for now, she does her best to brush that aside, and step into her next chapter with an open mind and heart.

[theevilcat]

A child could have mild symptoms of autism, but parents and guardians should still take proactive steps to seek a diagnosis.

When a child has autism spectrum disorder (ASD), caregivers can work with professionals to develop appropriate strategies in response. These strategies help children thrive in their environment through appropriate accommodations, therapy, and parent training.

While some children with autism may rarely encounter challenges related to their disorder, others may find that negative experiences increase as they get older. This can lead to unwanted stress, potentially up to the point of a crisis event. In extreme cases, a child could lose opportunities to advance in school or other life areas.

Understanding a child’s needs is important. Individuals in their life should never brush away observations that a child might have a behavior disorder. Instead, they can educate themselves on the signs of ASD and look into the next best actions to take.

Being “On the Spectrum” Can Mean a Wide Variety of Experiences

Autism is described as a spectrum of disorders for a reason. Signs of autism can present differently.

Some individuals will have significant behavior and communication challenges that make the possibility of an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) diagnosis more likely.

In other cases, caregivers may notice occasional “atypical” behaviors but that don’t immediately cause them to seek a full behavioral health evaluation.

In the latter scenario, a child may never have their autism diagnosed or addressed therapeutically. It’s possible that mildly-expressed forms of ASD behavior go completely unnoticed.

But another possibility is that an undiagnosed child or their caregiver will feel frustrated by a lack of explanation for certain behavioral events. They may struggle with socialization, for instance, or they may lack commitment to extracurricular activities.

Ignoring the possibility of an autism diagnosis, especially if a child seems mostly neurotypical, can make it more difficult for them to adjust and have their needs met. For this reason, teachers and caregivers who observe subtle signs of ASD should speak with a mental health professional.

A child’s parents, teachers, and others with a direct role in their life are the best observers when it comes to picking up on a possible autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. Only a licensed mental health professional can come to a full, accurate diagnosis, but you don’t have to be a professional to suspect that an ASD diagnosis is possible.

What Are Some Possible Signs of Mild Autism?

ASD encompasses a broad range of behavioral patterns and experiences.

Inconsistency from one ASD case to the next can make it more difficult for caregivers to fully connect the dots.

Even so, there are many common behaviors that could point to a possible ASD diagnosis. Per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), these may include:

Repetitive play or verbal expressiveness (echolalia)

A fixation on certain activities, ideas, or concepts

A reluctance to engage in new experiences or to disrupt routines

Aversion to certain forms of interaction, especially hugging or cuddling

Avoiding eye contact and being difficult to engage in conversation

Missing verbal or physical cues, such as not looking at where someone is pointing

Having difficulty understanding others’ feelings or talking about feelings in general

Reluctance to socialize or a preference for isolation

Trouble expressing their needs or wishes

Unexpected reactions to certain sights, sounds, textures, or smells

Tantrums or explosive aggression with unexpected triggers

Some children with ASD may appear to have a learning disability or other form of behavior disorder. They may also have co-occurring medical challenges, such as gastrointestinal (GI) discomfort, trouble sleeping, or seizures. Many individuals with autism may also have mental health disorders, such as anxiety, depression, or an attention deficit disorder.

It is also possible that any of the above behavior signs could be related to something other than autism, such as if a child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). This possibility should encourage those in the child’s life to seek a diagnostic assessment from a professional who can advise parents and others how best to address their needs.

Any Form of Autism Can Benefit From a Therapeutic Approach

Unnoticeable signs of autism can be detrimental to a child’s wellbeing when caregivers neglect to investigate further. People with autism can be given strategies and support that can help them work alongside their condition and be successful while still being completely and utterly themselves.

Once you begin talking with professionals about your child’s unique situation and any unexpected behaviors or occurrences, you can begin to understand him or her better. With support from clinicians and the community, you can provide conditions and strategies that encourage your child to have a less stressful, more fulfilling life.

If you think your child or a child in your life might have autism, take the first step toward seeing if they need extra care, attention, and support from you. Seek a diagnosis and support from professionals who use an evidence-based approach to achieve goals that help children thrive.

[thecurseofclever]

I feel empty.

not the depressive kind because i'm not sad. i just feel nothing.

there's no reason for me to stay up at night but it's the only time where i can just be. i've been told that's just another thing that is a result of my autism. because i mask so hard throughout the day just to fit in with society by the time i come home i have no desire whatsoever to be a person and the only time i get to enjoy that is at night.

& i could be doing so many things right now. there's chores to be done. things i should organise to help my life flow a little better. i could be going to the gym to get this fucking weight off me but...

i just feel defeated & empty.

i've convinced myself it's not gonna get any better from here because there's no logical direction for me to go.

my girlfriend loves me so. to a degree where i don't understand why she wants to be here. we're all wrong for each other in some ways. like she eats and cooks and those were two things that didn't really happen a lot when i was single (hence why i'm fuxking atrocious now). but i'm also too tired to fix it. fixing it would mean straying from the normal routine and that just sounds like such a hassle. fixing it feels like it would mean having a partner who is even a little bit concerned about their image and i don't. i want to be more invested in this relationship and i want her to feel the full happiness and love she deserves but i don't think i can give that to her bc i'm too busy hating myself for not meeting the standards of the world. we're also just so different. im not sure leaving is in the picture tho. we both have a love for each other but something small inside of me still feels like there's so much more to life i should be doing or enjoying. right now i can't. right now i've found myself in a relationship that although happy is not the best for me.

i'm just tired. i don't want to end my life but i also feel so worthless that i can't see it being any different.

so many people want me to socialise or to socialise with me and i don't know how to tell these supposed friends that

(1) if i didn't have to leave my house to work to afford the things i need for my house i would never escape my apartment.

(2) i don't deserve friends. i don't deserve nice clothes. i don't deserve fun adventures.

once you reach a certain weight what is even the point of existing ( i feel that way about myself and people in general) ((i really took the phrase no one cares unless you are pretty or dying to heart)).

i should pick myself up and fix all of this but i'm just so tired & i can't see a point in trying bc based on pattern recognition that's not gonna get me anywhere.

i realise i've said this a bunch but i am so fuxking tired. exhausted. there's nothing for me to do but just exist everyday and im grossed out by that.

i wanted to say so many other things but typing that made it all worse so now i'm gonna go think about how fat people should exist and i should change my life but there's to much resistance anyways....

[speed-seo]

Hot New Online Marketing Ideas to Boost What You Do in 2024

The world of marketing online is constantly evolving, just like all of us! Each new year brings changes as technology marches on, the big platforms update their sites, and we all have to think creatively about new ways to reach customers. It's crazy how fast things move these days! Keeping up is so important if your business wants an edge. When fresh new approaches catch on, paying attention can give you ideas for tweaking what you do, connecting with more folks, and better meeting what people actually want. From what I'm noticing so far, 2024 looks like it'll bring some notable shifts that forward-thinking brands really ought to know about. It seems artificial intelligence may play an even bigger role, especially for creating content and personalizing what people see. And making people feel you understand them will also be key. Video will also likely dominate more and more, with short, snappy clips engaging audiences. In this article, I'll outline the trends experts are predicting may make waves in the year ahead. I'll analyze where each seems to be heading based on reports from folks in the know, expert opinions, and surveys of customers. I'll also share examples of companies doing strategies well. Plus, I'll offer tips to work these ideas into your own marketing plans. By the end, you'll gain insights that can refine what you do online heading into 2024. So let's jump in and explore the technologies and developments that look poised to enhance marketing over the next 12 months! Computers Getting Smarter Means Big Changes for Reaching Customers Online Folks in the know say computers are getting smarter much faster than before. Programs that can learn and think in some ways like humans are already changing how businesses connect with people online. And from what I'm hearing, this trend will really pick up speed next year. Research shows companies worldwide will spend over $15 billion on using artificial intelligence for marketing by 2023. That's double what was spent just 5 years ago! It seems these smart programs can dig through loads of data to spot hidden patterns and insights that help marketers out. Then they take over routine tasks so we have more time to focus on the creative work of connecting with customers. AI tools are helping improve every part of online promotions. Whether it's: - Writing Helpful Articles and Posts: Algorithms can spit out article ideas and rough drafts focused on certain search phrases businesses want found. This gives marketers a starting point to build on and saves them time. - Creating Custom Experiences: AI looks at what info we know about folks to power things recommending products or services people might like. It also predicts which leads are most ready to buy and helps chatbots respond naturally. All through analyzing customer details. - Finding the Right Audiences: Computers detect patterns in how people act online to target ads just right. Then they watch how well ads do and adjust targeting immediately based on results. Using AI Smartly Can Boost Results Online But People Still Matter Research shows putting AI to work in promotions can drive up clicks, sales, and money made. But it takes balance - computers complement what we do, not take our place. Businesses should focus on AI improving what customers see and do, not replacing human interactions. At the end of the day, folks buy from other people. So while programs can crunch numbers and handle routine tasks, we need to ensure marketing still offers that personal human touch. AI helps our creative efforts, it doesn't eliminate the need for compassion and understanding between real live customers and the real live folks trying to serve them. Handling promotions requires both smart tech and smart people skills. Ideas for Adding AI's Smarts to What You Do: - Think about using those platforms first for writing draft articles and blog posts to save time planning topics. But have a person polish anything customers will read. - Put the deep data dive AI can do to work targeting your promotions better. Still involve people to steer strategy and come up with visuals though. - Set up chatbots to handle basic customer questions fast, freeing up folks for more complex customer care. Make sure the bot knows when to pass folks off smoothly to a person for trickier issues. - Try different AI tools to see their strengths and limits. Go slow, maybe pick one or two at first to blend in, not rely too heavily on machines and lose that personal touch. - Quality over quantity is key! It's adding help where it helps most, not replacing people wherever possible. Customers want people, so find the sweet spot between person and program. The most important marketing shift of the next 5 years will be a move from a focus on reach to a focus on understanding people as individuals, and engaging them in an empathetic way. - Azeem Azhar, Entic. Making Each Customer Feel Special Builds Lifelong Loyalty Studies show people today expect companies to know them and cater to them as individuals online. Research by SmarterHQ found a whopping 77% of shoppers remain faithful to brands that personalize their digital experiences. Customizing everything with the customer in mind based on what they do, like, and value is super important for online retailers too. A report from Salesforce discovered 71% of buyers want stores to offer interactions tailored just for them. Key ways businesses can offer customized care include: - Grouping customers into segments predicted by their info. - Adjusting website content for each unique visitor. - Recommending products likely to interest that specific shopper. - Crafting journeys through the site tailored for each customer. - Promotions and deals targeted specifically for that person. It's all about understanding individual shoppers as people and not just names on a list. Showing you know your customers and care about their unique experiences builds serious goodwill and keeps them coming back time after time. Successful Strategies in Action: - The Starbucks app pays attention so it can suggest new drink recipes just for you based on what you've ordered before. - Etsy watches what folks browse and buy, then makes product recommendations very specific to their tastes. - Sephora's virtual makeup tool lets buyers try looks customized to their own complexion in a fun, stress-free way. Ideas to Make Personalization Part of What You Do: - Gather info directly through surveys or website forms to really get to know customers intimately. - Use what you learn about folks and patterns in their choices to predict needs and serve up fitting content. - Experiment sending tailored variations of pages, deals, mobile alerts to find the ideal personal touch. - Keep branding consistent while letting each customer's personality shine through for that special bond. - Be sure people understand and can refuse how their info helps improve service or know what happens to private details. - Employing smart personalization shows customers you care individually about each and every one of them. Image source: Mention Getting Noticed When People Have Less Time Means Standing Out Creatively With how busy we all are, ads and posts have to work extra hard for eyeballs these days. Catchy promotions that spark emotions and get people talking often do best. Reports show video is the way a whole lot of internet traffic will flow real soon too. Short, fun clips perfect for phones are huge on social media right now and capture attention fast. Over 80% of online content will move that way within the next couple years! Brands wanting more reach and reactivity, especially with the young crowd, need modern videos that entertain in just a minute or less. Ditch stock photos and numbers - tell moving stories visually instead. Think way outside the box and don't be afraid to seem a little different. That's what makes lasting impressions when seconds are all anyone has. Creativity and bravery to break conventions will win customers eager for fresh adventures online. So focus big energy on visual content that inspires emotions and invitations to interact. Then sit back and grin as the good buzz takes off! Examples of Viral Campaigns: - Google’s Year in Search video compiles society’s highest searches each year into a moving story tale. - Apple’s Shot on iPhone campaign shares compelling videos captured by everyday folks instead of pros. - Red Bull spreads the word through daredevil sports videos pushing limits. Tips for Videos Folks Can't Wait to Share: - Tell an intriguing story or teach a skill rather than straight product hype. - Leverage what everyday users create by accepting their submissions too. - Post regular videos 2-3 times weekly. Vary the types of clips (product demos, sneak peeks, behind-the-scenes). - Remember most will watch on phones, so go for square or vertical shapes that stream smooth there. - Use brief captions and tags targeting focused fan groups. - Track shares, likes and such to see what themes inspire the most reaction. Then do more of what works! - Keep videos short and snappy, spotlight real people, and share the experiences your brand enables. That sparks excitement better than plain old ads ever could. Listening in on Social Chatter Uncovers Priceless Tips Paying attention to what people say about your brand and others online should be a major part of promotion plans going forward. Staying tuned into social discussions provides a wealth of useful customer and competitor insights. Reports show over 70% of people now turn to social media as their first stop to learn about companies (Source: WordStream). On Twitter alone: - Approximately 762 million tweets are sent every day. - That’s roughly 8,817 tweets per second! - To put it in perspective, a day’s worth of tweets would fill a 10 million-page book. (Source: Internet Live Stats) Clever businesses track what's said through social listening tools to: - Spot new customer groups and untapped markets to reach. - Guide product choices based on wants and wishes discussed. - Check positive or negative feelings toward their brand. - Chime in on conversations to boost involvement. - See what rival companies do that gets attention. - Catch potential public problems before they blow up. Social platforms light up with a treasure trove of clues if you make the effort to sift through noise and truly hear what's being stated. It's the best way to stay constantly clued into what's trending next! Ways to Eavesdrop on Social Chatter: - Watch industry tags, any brand callouts, and customer reviews. - Pull together stats reports to notice recurring themes and patterns - Use handy programs like Keyhole or Sprout Social to arrange all the info gathered. - Assign friendly faces to jump in where helpful in online discussions. - Transform what you learn into plans addressing what shoppers want most. Always be listening is the key to keeping your finger on the social pulse. With patience and tools, you can transform passing comments into action plans catering directly to real human needs. And that's how satisfied customers and raving fans are made! Some Things to Keep Top of Mind Amid the Changing Digital Scene The online promotions world is shifting fast, and it'll be transformed even more in just a couple years. But while new tech tools keep popping up endlessly, homing in on a handful of major milestones will lead you down the best paths: - Personalized touches showing you truly see each customer as a person - not just a profile - will become a basic business practice. - Artificial intelligence can automate grunt work so you focus on human connection points that foster real customer care and caring. - Social platforms like Twitter are bursting with candid discussions that double as market research - so listen in there with care. - Stories told visually and simply on video are how most net traffic will flow, spreading brand tales even further. Keep testing new methods, but always remember -relationships matter most between real live buyers and sellers at the end of the day. If you focus on serving people, the profits will surely follow! 🚀 Buckle up, folks! Here's the inside scoop on the hottest digital marketing trends you simply can't miss! 🔥 The digital landscape continues to shift so rapidly, it can be hard for any of us mere mortals to keep up! But if I've learned anything in my years working with customers, it's that trends come and go - what truly endures are the deep human connections we forge. - As AI handles more routine tasks and data insights get more precise, I believe our role must be bringing heart and soul to each brand-customer encounter. Looking folks in the eye, so to speak, and understanding what truly matters most to them as people. - Video is a powerful way to share experiences, but it starts from a place of empathy. Putting ourselves in another's shoes to craft stories that stir emotion and spark conversations. - And social media offers a virtual town square where real voices connect. But we must listen with care, as neighbors supporting one another, to appreciate each perspective. No matter the changes ahead, when our north star remains serving others, our strategies can only benefit. Technology augments human potential - it does not replace our capacity for compassion. By keeping relationships at the core, the rest may change but customers will stay. Read the full article

[reasoningdaily]

People who are highly intelligent but lack common sense often display these 8 behaviors

We all know them. Those people who are incredibly smart, but seem to lack the most basic common sense.

Curious, isn’t it? They can solve complex equations in their heads but can’t figure out how to use a washing machine.

Sometimes it’s amusing, other times it’s downright baffling.

Does this sound familiar? Do you know someone like this or perhaps, you feel you might be one of them?

Don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Many of us know individuals who are brilliant, yet struggle with the simplest day-to-day tasks.

In fact, I’m going to share a secret with you.

There are certain behaviors that these intelligent yet common-sense-challenged individuals tend to display.

I don’t mean to offend or belittle anyone with this article. It’s just an observation that I believe many of us can relate to.

Intrigued? Let’s dive into these behaviors and find out more.

1) Overthinking simple tasks

Ever watch someone try to turn a simple task into a complicated process? This is a common trait I’ve seen among people who are highly intelligent but lack common sense.

I remember one time, my friend Mark, who is an astrophysicist, tried to bake cookies.

Instead of following the recipe, he tried to calculate the exact temperature and time for the perfect cookie. Needless to say, the result was less than tasty.

The point here? Sometimes, it’s better to just follow the simple instructions rather than trying to reinvent the wheel.

2) Missing social cues

Social interactions can be a tricky field to navigate for these individuals. My cousin Emma is a perfect example of this.

She’s a genius when it comes to mathematics and computer programming, but put her in a social setting and she’s lost.

She often misses social cues that most of us would pick up on without thinking.

For instance, she might not realize when someone is being sarcastic or making a joke. Or she might keep talking about a subject long after everyone else has lost interest.

In essence, being highly intelligent doesn’t always translate to understanding the subtleties of social interaction.

3) Difficulty adapting to change

They often struggle with change. This is because their brains are wired to understand and master complex ideas, patterns, and systems.

But when something disrupts these patterns or systems, it can be hard for them to adapt.

They tend to prefer sticking to their known methods and routines, even if a simpler or more efficient way exists.

For instance, people with an extremely high IQ are often diagnosed with a disorder called Savant Syndrome.

This syndrome is characterized by remarkable talents, usually involving memory, but also significant difficulties in other areas of life, including adapting to change.

They often find practical tasks challenging.

They can master the theory behind just about anything, but when it comes to putting that theory into practice, they stumble.

And it’s not for lack of trying or because they don’t care. It’s just that their brains are wired differently.

They may excel in abstract thinking and complex problem-solving, but everyday tasks can be a struggle.

It can be hard to watch someone you care about face such challenges, especially when you know how capable they are in other areas of their lives.

But remember, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. It’s part of what makes us human.

5) Incredible focus on specific interests

This is something I’ve found to be quite endearing, even if it can be a tad frustrating at times.

People who are savvy in theory but clumsy in practice often have an intense focus on their specific interests.

Take my brother, for example. He’s a brilliant architect who can design beautiful, complex buildings.

But ask him about anything outside of architecture and he’s clueless.

Once, we were traveling together and got lost.

He was so engrossed in sketching a fascinating building we passed by that he didn’t even realize we had strayed off our intended path.

I ended up navigating us back while he finished his sketch.

It’s not that he doesn’t care about other things, it’s just that when he finds something he loves, he dives in headfirst and everything else seems to fade into the background.

It’s part of what makes him such an extraordinary architect, but it can also leave him a bit out of touch with the world around him.

6) A need for perfection

This is often more of a curse than a blessing. They often strive for perfection in everything they do.

They have a keen eye for detail that can sometimes border on obsessive.

The desire for perfection can be a double-edged sword. It can lead to exceptional work but also cause unnecessary stress and anxiety.

7) Poor time management

They often struggle with time management and prioritizing tasks.

I’ve seen this first hand with my colleague, Steve.

He can code complex algorithms like nobody’s business but ask him to manage his workload and he’s lost.

He’ll often spend hours on intricate details of a project while neglecting other important tasks that need to be completed. 

This lack of time management skills can lead to inefficiency and missed deadlines.

8) Overconfidence in their intelligence

Being highly intelligent can sometimes lead to overconfidence in their abilities.

These individuals often believe they can handle any situation or solve any problem because they are smart.

This might not seem like an issue at first glance, but it can lead to them overlooking simple solutions or not asking for help when they need it because they think they should be able to figure it out on their own.

In conclusion, while being highly intelligent has its advantages, it can come with its own set of challenges when common sense is lacking.

Understanding these behaviors can help us better interact with these individuals and even provide support where needed.

After all, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. It’s what makes us unique.

[workscounselingcenter]

Spooky Season

It’s the spookiest time of the year, so I thought I would write about something else that can be spooky year round: phobias. Phobias are a type of anxiety disorder in which a person experiences an intense and out of proportion response to something. Common phobias are things like animals, needles, certain places. Having a phobia is a debilitating disorder in which an individual consistently has an extreme reaction of fear and anxiety in response to a certain stimulus. The disorder causes impairment and often causes the individual to change their routine to avoid the specific feared stimulus. Phobias are a mental health diagnosis that is treatable and actually has high success rates. However, many people with phobias avoid treatment due to the uncomfortable process that is treating their phobia.

According to the NIH, about 12.5% of adults will have a phobia at some point in their life. It is a fairly common mental health disorder that is treatable by helping the individual face their fears and learn how to cope with those emotions that arise. Even if you don’t have a phobia, it’s likely that you’ve experienced some intense fear over something at some point in your life (going to the dentist, needles, fear of flying, etc.). Since we cannot always avoid the things that we are afraid of or that cause us stress, I have decided to compile some helpful ideas for the next time you have to do that thing you’re afraid of.

Find a distraction. For those with fears of shots, staring at the shot and thinking about it will not be a helpful strategy. So it can be helpful to find something else to focus on. Play a game on your phone, bring a fidget toy, try to see how many things in the room that are orange, etc.

Bring a friend. Sometimes our fears can be things like places, like an airplane, and being there can be super scary. Having a loved one with you can help calm you down and see that your friend is okay and likely so are you. Hold their hand, have them talk to you, there are lots of options when you have a friend.

Remember to breathe! When we are scared, oftentimes our heart rate increases and our breathing pattern changes. It can be helpful to focus on taking some deep breaths. There are tons of breathing exercises you can try. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Pretend to blow out birthday candles. Breathing for certain counts of time. Pick whatever works for you.

Of course these are just a few options, so you can use what feels helpful and discard the rest because mental health is all about what works for you. If you find yourself being incapacitated by your fears and changing your routine due to them, you may have a phobia and it could be worth bringing it up to a therapist and potentially seeking treatment. It is scary, but there is help out there!

[gmswerks]

Add Stunning Honed Marble Countertops to Your Kitchen

Greetings from the world of kitchen makeovers! Are you trying to make your kitchen a more opulent and sophisticated place? Honed marble countertops are the solution. Modern kitchens are noticing these magnificent surfaces, which elevate both design and practicality. Honed marble worktops are certain to leave your guests awestruck, whether you're a seasoned chef or simply appreciate spending time in the center of your house. In this article, we'll examine the benefits and drawbacks of choosing honed marble for your kitchen, look at how to pick the ideal slab for your area, and discover some important advice on preserving its timeless beauty. So let's get started and see how honed marble can improve the beauty of your kitchen!

Advantages and Disadvantages of Honed Marble Countertops

Honed marble countertops provide a number of benefits that make them a popular option among homeowners. First and foremost, any kitchen will feel more sophisticated thanks to their matte surface, which radiates a feeling of understated elegance. Honed surfaces on marble are more tolerant of wear and tear than polished marble, which can be vulnerable to scratches and etching.

The design flexibility of honed marble is one of its greatest advantages. You can easily discover a slab that exactly matches the design of your kitchen thanks to the large selection of colors and veining patterns available. With honed marble, you have a plethora of options, whether you want delicate veining for a minimalist appearance or striking patterns for a statement piece.

The heat resistance that honed marble offers is another benefit worth highlighting. Because of this, it is the perfect surface for cooks who routinely use hot pots and pans on their countertops without worrying about the material getting damaged.

For Your Kitchen, Select the Best Honed Marble

The perfect honed marble for your kitchen is an essential choice that can significantly change the room's appearance and atmosphere. Because there are so many choices, it's important to take a few important aspects into account before deciding.

Consider your kitchen's style and color palette. Honed marble is available in a variety of colors, including traditional white, warm beige, and even deep grey. Think about whether you want a countertop to make a statement as a focal point or blend in smoothly with your current design.

Consider durability next. In contrast to other materials like granite or quartz, honed marble is noted for its beauty and elegance but is also more prone to scratches and stains. You might want to choose a tougher stone alternative if your home is busy or if you constantly cook and entertain in your kitchen.

Maintenance is another important aspect to take into account. Honed marble needs to be sealed frequently to stave off stains and moisture damage. Be honest with yourself about the time and effort you are willing to devote to maintaining your countertops.

Maintaining Marble Countertops

To preserve the beauty and durability of your Omaha-honed marble countertops in Omaha, adequate maintenance is required. Here are some pointers for maintaining your countertops made of honed marble:

Remove Spills As Soon As Possible: Marble is porous and readily absorbs liquids, which causes stains. As soon as a spill happens, clean it up with a soft cloth or paper towel.

Use Gentle Cleaning Products: Honed marble countertops can be damaged by harsh chemicals or abrasive cleaners. Choose gentle cleaning products made just for natural stone surfaces instead.

Steer clear of acidic foods: Foods like tomato sauce, vinegar, and citrus juices can erode honed marble. When handling these meals, use caution and clean up spills right away.

Use Cutting Boards and Trivets: To avoid scratching your honed marble surfaces, use cutting boards whenever you prepare food there. In order to prevent heat damage to the surface, hot pans and pots should always be placed on trivets or hot pads.

Regular Sealing: Honed marble should be regularly sealed with a premium sealer made for natural stone worktops. This will add another layer of defense against everyday wear and tear and help prevent stains.

Carefully Remove Stains: Use a poultice created especially for removing stains from natural stone surfaces if you see a stain on your honed marble countertop. To prevent inflicting additional harm, carefully follow the manufacturer's recommendations.

[swimmingllamasoul]

Positive Affirmations for Anxiety

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by stress and anxiety? It can be difficult to maintain a positive outlook on life when you are feeling anxious. This is where the affirmations can help.

Positive Affirmations are simple statements which you say to yourself. It helps to improve our mood , reduce our stress levels . In this post we wil be discussing about benefits of Positive Affirmations and a list of affirmations to feel good .

Defining Anxiety - it is a feeling of worry , nervousness or uneasy about something with an uncertain outcome. We all experience it at some point in our lives. For some of us it is health reaction to stress while for others it can become so severe that it interferes with their daily living . It can be accompanied by symptoms such as racing heart , sweating , feeling light headed . People with anxiety often have difficulty controlling their worries , they avoid certain situations out of fear . It might become necessary to treat it before it becoming worse.

Benefits of Positive Affirmations

Many people question benefit of affirmations " how by repeating a phrase can relieve my anxiety"? The answer is it helps to rewire your brain to change your negative thought pattern to positive. They have been an effective treatment for anxiety.

The Benefits are -

1. It reduces stress levels

2. Changing negative thought to positive

3. Improving self esteem

4. Creates more positive Outlook

5. Helps to achieve goals

Tips to create your own Positive Affirmations

If you have anxiety, find ways to calm yourself,come up with short phrases which you will repeat to yourself when you are anxious.

Some tips on how to create your own positive Affirmation

1. Pick someone that makes you feel good

2. Keep it short and sweet

3. Make them specific to you

4. Say it loud

5. Tailor them to your needs

6. Start small

How to use this Affirmations

It is very simple but important to do it in the right way .

Some tips are -

1. Create a routine

2. Pick a time of day

3. Keep them present

4. Set goals

Some examples of Positive Affirmations are -

1. I am strong and resilient

2. Everything will workout in the end

3. I am healthy and happy

4. I am safe

5. My thought are under my control .

If you are feeling anxious try out some positive Affirmations and see how they work for you. They will help you to reframe your thinking and see the glasses half full rather than half empty.

[luckybluebirdfestival]

Forex Robots - Would it be a good idea for you to Pick Forex Robots to Maintain Your Business?

Mechanized forex exchanging and forex exchanging robots have been the focal point of a wide range of suppositions both great and terrible. Already, forex robots were just utilized by enormous banks and partnerships. Correspondingly, these mechanized forex exchanging robots had costs which were very high going up to great many dollars.

In the new years, nonetheless, these exchanging robots have arrived at the PCs at home. There is a ton of conversation on the viability of these robots. Certain individuals are of the view that these robots independent of what they guarantee, can not supplant the long stretches of involvement, abilities and instinct. In spite of the fact that, it has been seen that best human brokers have outshone these robots however at that point those dealers are upheld by many junior partners, continually checking the market's development and many high level programming. The normal financial backer can utilize these computerized forex exchanging robot to handle all the more huge pieces of data then he can do himself, prompting better, more quality choices as guaranteed.

Nonetheless, the inquiries stays that do these robots really work or not, would it be advisable for you to attempt it or not? Before you can address these inquiries, you ought to gauge the upsides and downsides of utilizing robots and afterward choose.

The upsides of the forex robots are:

1.If you are one of those individuals, who are shy of time and can't do broad exploration in the money market, forex exchanging robots can be a pragmatic decision. As mechanized robots don't expect you to have any information on the forex market, you can begin immediately with any degree of involvement.

2.Time is most valuable thing for us all. Examining market patterns and taking exchange choice all alone may occupy the entirety of your time and allow for other significant exercises like work, families, relaxation and so on. These robots take care of this issue, as they work consequently with practically no requirement for oversight. These robots do the examination of the market patterns, directing investigation and in view of the investigation taking choices about setting exchanges.

3.Often feelings influence the exchanging decision that dealers make, prompting incorrectly choices. In the event that you are one of those dealers, these exchanging robots furnish you with a benefit. As these are PC programs they are not impacted by feelings like trepidation, uneasiness, voracity, and so on and can settle on unprejudiced and objective choices dependent simply upon the information accessible.

There are a few inconveniences of utilizing forex robots too:

1.Due to the enormous number of robots accessible on the lookout, every one encouraging incredible achievement and colossal benefits, it is close to difficult to sort out and pick the best one. Among every one of the business, advancements and plans that are out there, parcel of time and exertion is expected on your part to sort out which robot is the most ideal decision for you. And still, at the end of the day there are no ensures that you would see as one.

Also Read : Automated Toy For Training

2.Over reliance on the robots can be an issue also. Assuming that the robot produces great exchanging decisions you could become routine to following the suggestions of the robots, even against your known better judgment. This frequently prompts botches.

[everlastingdreams]

Weeping Monk x Reader : The Forbidden Apple    Chapter 10

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Story Summary: Father Carden begins to notice how his Weeping Monk starts to question all he was raised to believe in. In an effort to distract him, he has his Red Brothers bring him a 'gift.' The Monk is skeptical when he hears of this, Father never just gave him gifts. But when the Monk enters his tent in the evening he understood what Father had meant by 'gift'. You, a fey girl, were the gift.

Chapter Title: Chase The Night Away

Notes: I like this chapter more than I expected/remembered.

Warnings: There's a list of warnings for this story: Stockholm syndrome (?), lima syndrom (?). Rape threats, sexual assault, murder and violence. Angst. Sexism. Strong Language. Trauma. Childhood trauma. Survivor's guilt. Mentions of child maltreatment.

Other warnings: ! Smut ! Jealousy. Enemies to lovers (?). Romance. Pining. Thigh grinding.

Word count of this fic: +140K

Chapter:  10 / 27

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This time it was you who woke him up at night, of course he thought there was a problem. Well, it was a problem to you that it was once again too damned warm to sleep.

You were sweating to the point where it was uncomfortable.

By putting a hand on his shoulder and shaking him a little, you were successful in waking him “I am going to the forest. Want to come with me ?”

Thanks to the nightly walks he had taken you on, you had started to recognize the patterns of the paladins as well, knew their routine to patrol around the camp.

The Monk’s eyes barely opened, seeing you kneel next to him on the ground.

He picked up on that determined tone of yours very quickly, half awake he replied “You would go alone ? I thought you feared the forest at night.”

You lifted his own long sword up for him to see and tried not to laugh seeing how he looked just a bit alarmed “I would take this with me.”

It slipped from him “Do you know how to use it ?”

It ticked you off how he was questioning it “Yes.”

He took the sword from your hands and put it down next to him “Liar.”

There was an immediate frown and annoyed pout forming on your face “You just swing it and stab them with the pointy end.”

A sigh, a very deep one, escaped him “You are not taking my sword.”

He did not put it past you to lose the sword he had owned for most his life. That and he did not expect to be awoken by a Fey woman holding his own sword inches away from his face.

You got more impatient by the second, the tent being too hot to be comfortable only added to it “Get up and come with me then.”

The Monk was not prepared for your sour mood in the dead of night and looked anything but happy with how you had just phrased your request.

Quickly you added a sweet sounding “Please.”

In his still sleep drowsy state he found it anything but a pleasant idea, he was tired. There had been many complications during the day again, the Wolf-Blood Witch caused chaos everywhere.

He closed his eyes again, relaxing the back of his head against the beam “Not tonight.”

Your gaze fell to the ground, those nightly walks had been the nicest moments you had had in a long time. And now that the weather was warm again you had looked forward to it, especially since you did not know for certain if you would live long enough to experience it again…

Going without him would not be as nice and even dangerous.

In silence you gave a nod and went back to the cot disappointed, turning to face away from him as you laid down.

It was that sudden direct silence that warned him of your sad mood. As he peered over at the cot, his conscience was kicking him.

No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it clawed at him relentlessly.

You heard him rise from the ground and walk over to you, still not turning around to face his direction.

It was when you felt something being put on your body that you looked up at him over your shoulder, he had put your cloak down on you.

If that had not been a clear signal, his choice of words was “Get up and come with me then.”

You genuinely smiled when hearing him use your choice of words now.

A slight smirk tugged at his lips “Please.”

You were on your feet not a second later, clumsily putting the cloak on again.

Unable to see your struggle any longer, he ended up helping you get the thing on properly instead of backwards “Next time, do not hold a sword while waking me. It might give the wrong impression.”

While watching his hands tie the cords of the cloak together, you grinned back at him “Sorry.”

The Monk’s focus went to your face, bringing the hood up over your head properly “Still not trying to kill me ?”

“I could say the same.” You countered.

He stepped away to put his own cloak on “I look after what I have been given.”

With narrowed eyes you watched him put on his cloak “Admit it, I am the best thing that your red brothers ever brought to you.”

Still facing away, there was a slight shake of his head at hearing you speak so overly confident about it, a chuckle threatened to escape from him “I would not be so certain, once they brought me a certain kind of fruit that is rather hard to come by in these lands.”

With a scoff you jested right back, using your knowledge of his heightened senses against him “Did the fruit smell as good as I do ?”

Oh, he was glad that he was facing away from you in that moment. Nothing had ever smelled as good as you did to him, your scent was the evening that welcomed him, the signal that the day was over and the night that came would clear his thoughts from all that plagued him.

It should not have been so alluring to him, but it was.

There was a crack in his voice, quick to avoid the topic “We should leave now, unless you have changed your mind ?”

You couldn’t help but grin as you approached, ready to leave.

He’d held out his hand for you to take until he remembered the small cuts still on your palm after your last fall in the forest.

There was enough trust between you that he knew you would just follow him, his guidance no longer necessary.

He opened the fabric that kept the inside of the tent closed off from curious eyes, his own scanning the ground for fresh tracks from the patrolling paladins.

Every night he would move the soil close to his tent with his boots, erasing any tracks made before he arrived back to his tent at night, the perfect way to tell if someone had walked past.

You peeked from behind him to see what he was looking at, slowly he looked back at you over his shoulder, feeling you lean against him “Tracks. Fresh ones.”

“You can see that in the darkness ?” You whispered in sheer disbelief.

With a prideful smirk he put a hand on your back and moved you out off the tent along with him.

        OOoOooOooOOOoOooooOooOOOOooooOooOo

    You had taken off the cloak the second you were far enough from the paladin camp, at first you had draped it over your shoulder, but he’d taken it from you to carry it himself.

It wasn’t long before you found the river again were he had helped you with your wounded hand. After dropping to your knees you started to splash water on your face and neck.

The cool water felt heavenly on your overheated body, causing a contented sigh “Gods, that feels good.”

It dripped down on your dress but you didn’t care, it only helped more against the warm weather.

The wish to bathe was strong and you kept cupping water in your hands to splash it on yourself.

The Monk watched in silence, eyes fixed on how your hands moved over your neck to freshen up. Gaze drawn to how you closed your eyes while you enjoyed feeling the water trickle down over your skin.

When looking at the Monk, you saw him tug at the collar of his surcoat “Too warm for you as well ?”

There was a sudden pause, something flashed in his eyes, it was gone a second later.

Without answering he came to kneel beside you, letting the water of the river stream through his fingers.

He began to cup water in his hands and splashed it up to his face.

Almost did you laugh because he was so much more messier doing this than you were, caring very little when it dripped down all over him “You look like a dog that has run through the rain.”

Without looking up from the river, he replied “Brave words coming from someone that I can push into this river with ease.”

With a nudge of his shoulder against yours he proved that he was just joking “You would be doing me a favor in this heat.”

The corner of his mouth tugged up, he hid the smile by splashing more water on his face, hand gliding over his chin and jaw. As if he wanted to wash his expression away.

He dried his hands on his trousers, showing just how used he was to living in the forest, caring little for how messy it looked.

You stood up again, waving your hands to shake of the remaining droplets, using your sleeves to dry off your face “Tell me, Lancelot of the Ash Folk. Think you can track me down if I were to disappear in this forest ?”

Almost did he roll his eyes at the mention of not only his name and heritage, but the way in which you had said it as well, seeing how bold you had become towards him “I did so before.”

It had not been that hard, considering you had not thought he could find you by your scent “Unfair. I had no idea you could sense our kind.”

The Monk arched a brow “I did not need to. I found your tracks, it is not difficult when one does not bother to hide one’s tracks.”

It could have sounded condescending, but it fell from him so casually, still there was a clear indication that he took pride in being able to track others.

And you found joy in challenging him on it “How about a game ?”

It already intrigued him “What sort of game ?”

The rules were simple “I go and hide, if you find me, I will come back with you.”

He blinked once, then cautiously asked “And if I do not ?”

“I thought you said you could easily find me ?” You jested and saw him roll his jaw.

Of course he would find you, but there was that ever so slim chance that he could fail. It was enough to get nervous over it.

“Would you not consider it dangerous ?” He questioned.

“Afraid you won’t be able to find me before a wolf does ?” It was meant to challenge him into agreeing.

You had been bored today, what was so wrong with having a little fun ?

It was the excited look in your eyes that made him agree to this ‘game’ “I will find you.”

That had sounded more like a warning. Not the kind of warning that caused you fear, the sort that made you want for him to find you.

With an arched brow, you truly challenged him with this “Alright then. Let’s see whether or not this is the last time you see me.”

It was only a slim chance… so small that it should not have bothered him. Still it did…

He hoped he was not wrong in believing that you were teasing him with this, but what if you were not ?….

“A children’s game…” He stated pensively.

“Well, pardon me for being bored when I spend all day surrounded by men wearing- " You swallowed your tongue, realizing that speaking rudely would not help your case.

“Wearing what ?” The Monk dared you to say it.

…

…..

Don’t say ‘drapes’ you thought.

Although it had been used to describe the red paladins more than once by the Fey.

“I suppose I can exclude you from that.” You tried.

While trying to remain serious, he could not help it that his eyes still betrayed him “This coming from the woman who came to me wearing torn clothes ?”

You crossed your arms while taking a defensive stance “Oh ? Well, I apologize if my appearance didn’t meet your standards.”

The sarcasm was dripping from your every word, while you ‘apologized’ it sounded to him as if you were telling him to shove it.

That attitude should have bothered him, it was not the feeling it gave him.

His hands folded behind his back while stepping closer, to you it showed the authority that he often oozed towards the paladins.

It didn’t faze you in the slightest when he stood in front of you like this, only a step away.

Letting his gaze skim over you, he spoke “It is not your appearance, it is your attitude.”

“Sorry to disappoint.” You deadpanned, staring him in the eye.

His own darted over your face like a cat fascinated by a flying bird.

He had to keep his hands folded behind his back, trapping them there for he would not be able to resist executing the idea that past through his mind in that moment.

It was him that took a step back “You do not strike me as a vain person. It leads me to believe that your opinion on what my red brothers wear is only meant to voice your disdain for them.”

With a shrug you cheerfully agreed “It’s nicer than saying that being surrounded by a bunch of paladins all day, makes me want to poke my eyes out.”

He looked off to the side, it should not have been amusing to hear you speak of his red brothers like this “It is I, who you spend most of your time with.”

You waved at his appearance “At least the grey does not hurt my eyes as much.”

With overly politeness and a barely contained smirk, he said “I am glad it appeases you.”

You fired the cheeky question “Why are you concerned that it does ?”

The Monk looked at you just as you looked at him, locking eyes on each other “All these questions…”

That remark touched a fear inside of you, the fear of being considered a burden “Do they annoy you ?”

With a shake of his head he denied it and agreed to the challenge that had led to this back and forth “If they did, I would not bother to search for you if we played this game of yours.”

You’d seen his expression change now “So, you are saying…”

The Monk’s jaw tensed, blue orbs now with the focus of an eagle “On the count of ten, I shall come and find you.”

You gave a small nod and had not expected for him to start counting right away. That sneaky bastard was already making it hard for you.

You bolted away before he could say ‘two’, running between the trees as quickly as you could while trying not to fall in the darkness.

It was thrilling, a childhood memory where you had once played hide and seek with other children was brought back to life.

Needless to say, you felt on edge when you sneaked through the forest as quiet as you could.

This time you did start to cover your tracks, kicking leaves and the soil to hide them.

If he found you now, it would be an excellent example just how strong his heightened sense of smell was.

Washing up in the river might have even removed some of your scent, making it harder for him to find you.

Just when you were doing so well hiding your tracks, you stepped on a thick branch that must have fallen off of the tree because of the bad weather yesterday. The sound of the branch breaking underneath your feet was preposterously loud, the curse falling from your lips much quieter.

Quickly you went to hide behind a large tree, heart hammering in your chest.

The forest was eerily silent, no animals in sight, had it been because they fled when they saw you coming or was it because the Monk was also near ?

A sound coming from up ahead drew your attention, it had sounded like someone or something was walking through some bushes.

With slow steps you moved away from the tree, heading in the opposite direction from where the sound had come from, not wanting him to find you just yet.

Clumsily you moved through a bush, hoping it would not tear your dress.

Another sound came from where you had heard it before and your eyes snapped in it’s direction.

One moment of distraction and a hand shot out before your eyes and covered your mouth right when you tried to let out a startled scream.

The fear washed away by the Monk’s amused voice close to your ear “Not a wolf.”

The hand moved from your mouth to your chin, thumb stroking over your cheek.

It confused you, how had he moved from the other direction to where you were now so fast ?

You tried to ignore the hand on your waist and remarked “That was fast.”

It was a game that children often played, it did not stop him from enjoying it all the same.

The Monk let go off you, still standing close “I was taking my time.”

You rolled your eyes at his blatant ego showing “Oh, really ?” taking some steps backwards and away from him.

There was no refuting it that you were about to flee again, it was in the way you moved. In your eyes and in that coy grin on your lips. He found himself holding his breath, waiting for the moment that you would do so. Every drop of blood in his veins was ready for the chase once again.

Your eyes drifted to the trees, grin growing wider, he was no wolf, but right now he had the look of one in his eyes.

It was no louder than a whisper “Start counting, Lancelot.”

Slowly he gave a nod while watching you intensely.

That blue of his eyes had never been darker than it was now, like the sea, they glistered under the moonlight “One…”

You darted off, running as fast as you could.

First you wanted to try and get as far away as possible for the first five seconds, then cover up your tracks. Gods, you even thought off climbing up a tree to see how long it would take him to figure it out.

Your plan failed and you came to a sudden halt. A group of people including one Fey from the Fawn folk, stood not far from you, sheer surprise on their faces.

Oh, heavens no…

Instinctively you looked back to see if the Monk had followed you. He undoubtedly had…

If they saw him… no good could come from this.

You started to take steps back, debating on just running off again but fearing they might follow you if you did and that it would escalate the situation.

A man stepped closer, hair tied up neatly, wearing a reddish brown leather jerkin that failed to hide some of his bare chest. This man showed no signs of being a threat to you “What are you doing here all alone in the woods ?”

There was genuine concern in the question.

It was important that you did not alarm them further “Oh, no actually, I’m not alone.”

They looked around them, frowning when they spotted no one.

But you knew for certain that the Monk was close, that for some reason he was staying out of sight. Would he spare them ?

The young man took another step closer while the others stayed back “You got a friend with you here ? It’s dangerous to walk into the forest alone, Miss. If you want, you could come with us ?”

The offer was not one you expected, you didn’t know these people, they could be nice but what if they were not ?

Your eyes darted to the trees “I understand your concern, and it’s very kind of you to offer me help. But really, I am alright. I am not alone here now.”

“Where is your friend then ?” Another inquired.

That was a good question…

It must have looked rather comical to them when you gestured around yourself “He is close. Uhm… he’s rather shy when it comes to meeting new people.”

It did not stop the young man from coming closer to you while signaling to the others to stay back, he must have sensed your distress somehow.

He stopped a few steps in front of you “Are you sure you’re alright ? I know I don’t look like a saint but I swear you will be safe with us.”

You hoped to warn the man, sensing that he was rather clever “Believe me, kind sir, my friend watches over me well. You should turn back. There is a paladin camp close-by.”

The man was indeed clever, detecting the warning long before the others would “In that case, I hope your… friend won’t leave you alone for long.”

Oh, if only he knew… “He won’t.”

For a moment you were certain that they believed you and would be on their way again.

But the kind man stepped closer to you again.

“Miss…” The man had clearly wanted to make sure that you were indeed alright and safe, even going as far as to place a hand softly on your shoulder.

Your eyes landed on his warm brown eyes and for the faintest moment you just stared at him.

The snapping of a branch nearby echoed through the forest and you held your breath.

The whole group stopped dead in their tracks, all eyes scanning the trees surrounding you.

With a more firm voice you urged them to leave, mainly the helpful Manblood that stood close to you “That was just my friend approaching. You can leave me now, it’s alright.”

As if they could just sense the danger lurking in the darkness the others started to withdraw from the place.

But the Manblood took a small knife out of his pocket. You held your breath but he only took your hand and placed the knife in the palm of it.

The man fixed his eyes on yours “Keep it. Fare well, miss. And be safe.” he closed your hand carefully so the knife could not cut you.

You pulled your hand away slowly, offering a smile “Thank you, Sir.”

“Please, call me -…” The name never came, another sound from the forest had drawn his attention.

“Manblood ! Let us go now !” The Fawn woman called out to him impatiently.

Their instincts warning them long before their eyes could see the threat.

With one slight bow the man left to join the others again.

You kept a calm expression until they were out of sight.

Finally he emerged from the shadows where he had been waiting until they left.

With slow steps you watched him walk until he was right beside you “You let them live…there was a Fawn woman among them.”

He was more than a little reluctant to kill in front of your eyes again, you knew what he was, it did not mean he was proud of what he was expected to do. And after what happened the last time, when he had unfortunately hurt you, he refused to do his duty while you were out with him “You could have left with them.”

Both of you were pointing out the other’s decision to not act on the opportunity presented.

It sounded like he wanted you to tell him why you had chosen to stay “I don’t know them. For all I know they could be a bunch of murderers.”

His gaze slid to you, picking up on the sarcasm “Better one than many ?”

You corrected him “Better the one I know.”

Was it your imagination or did he look relieved ?

It would not be wise to keep it a secret that you had received the lethal gift “That man gave me a knife.” you held it up for him to see “He was nice.”

His jaw tensed, still battling the unexpected sensation he had experienced just moments ago “I saw. Are you alright ? He was quite obtrusive.”

You shook your head, the man had only been worried and had not shown ill-intend “I did not mind. He was being kind.”

The Monk repeated how you had described the man “Kind…”

“Hmm ?” You hadn’t heard him well as he was muttering.

He changed the topic before it could ruin his mood, you could have left with this ‘kind’ man, instead you still choose to stay with him. The others had almost fled from the spot “Why do you not fear me ?”

It sounded like it truly confused him “Why have you not hurt me ?”

There was a frown on his face when he didn’t understand why you were asking him this.

Not a second later you explained it “You are not a monster to me. You could be, but you’re not.”

“I try not to be.” The Monk could not promise that he would not accidentally make a mistake that would make you fear him and see him as the monster that he believed himself to be.

You decided to be open about something to him “You and I, deny it as much as you wish, we are Fey. You live among Manbloods who wish to cleanse us all, if that is where you truly belong, than why do you leave them behind to be here with me ?”

He pressed his lips in a thin line, eyes evasive “I thought it would be good if you were away from the camp from time to time. Feys love the forest.”

It didn’t go unnoticed that he was avoiding the truth “Why would you care about what I love ?”

The Monk’s gaze fell on you, unable to make up a plausible excuse.

He should not care…

If Father ever found out, the punishment would be severe. Everything he had fought for, every step towards his salvation was hanging on a thread ready to snap and fall into the depths.

Father would see this as betrayal, for him to care about the enemy…

Your question was met with silence and in that moment it started to dawn on you. All the kindness he had shown you… if the Red Priest knew of it…

Why was the Monk taking these risks just to please you ?

Was he trying to gain your affection ?!?

No, it couldn’t be.

“Last night…” Those few words from you were enough for him to start looking a tad uncomfortable “You did want to use me as the ‘gift’ I was given for, didn’t you ?”

The question left him tongue-tied again, how could he explain that it was like he had been in a haze ? He still could not fully believe that he had come so close to considering breaking his vow.

You awaited his answer, but it never came.

Was he too uncomfortable to speak of the topic or did he just not want to speak of it ?

Was the truth going to hurt you ? Was it why he refused to talk about it ?

An uncomfortable and tension filled silence fell, the Monk knew you deserved an answer to that question.

The truth came out when he feared you would become upset “I desire you.” and he was seconds away from apologizing for it.

Your eyes snapped to his and then to the ground, no one had ever said such a thing to you before…

But finally an honest answer, you hoped to get more and kept your tone neutral “Then why not use Father Carden’s gift as was intended ?”

His throat bopped and his focus went to the trees right away, the last thing he expected was for you to ask him this.

This time you patiently waited for the answer, guessing that it must not be easy for a man like him to speak openly about this.

His voice was so much quieter when answering “I should not.” more firm when correcting himself “I will not.”

“Why ?” It was a genuine curiosity that led you to fish for the answer.

The hand that rested on the pommel of his sword fidgeted with it, the other flexed restlessly “Have you not suffered enough ? I refuse to seek my own pleasure at your cost.”

It was not right. Perhaps this was also one of the few times he defied Father on purpose.

This was him, choosing to follow what he believed was the right way.

Your eyes fixed on his face when he confessed to not wanting to use your body for his own gain. He had always kept his word, he had not used you for what you had been brought to him for, even if he desired you.

The Monk began to explain his thoughts on matters such as these “To me, such an act of intimacy is sacred. The result of trust and reverence. Carnal desire should not be acted on so carelessly between strangers.”

There it was, that upbringing by the Church that was nested inside of him.

Muttering a little you told him “We are not strangers anymore. I bet I have seen more of your body than any other woman you have met.”

Instantly he got quiet, reserved even. It had not been incorrect to assume it…

You bit your tongue to stop yourself from commenting on that pink shadow that vaguely formed on his face.

Innocently you proceeded with questioning him on what sort of view he was raised with “Sacred as in ‘only between people who are wedded’ ?”

That had been what he was taught, but even he knew that it was not as simple “It is what the scriptures teach us. I could not see myself doing anything of the sort purely driven by a thing like lust.”

You understood now how he was able to keep himself in check, intimacy did not interest him if it had no other reason than lust “If you had not taken the vow of celibacy, you would not know someone carnally unless you feel something more ?”

The Monk could barely look at you when he replied with a quiet hum.

It was interesting to hear his opinion on the matter, he did not even try to act above feeling such things “Many people see the two things separately. They don’t need love to enjoy lust or the other way around.”

“Do you ?” The question slipped and he wished he’d kept his mouth shut when he saw your expression change. He had wondered about it but did not actually want to ask you, someone who had confessed to being a virgin, about such a personal thing.

“That’s a very personal question.” Your cheeks were heating up, the last thing you expected was such a question from a monk.

Your shy reaction made him apologize “Forgive me.”

After a short silence, you asked “That would mean that if something had happened last night, you would have regretted it afterwards ?”

His silence took too long, was he acting on lust the previous night ? Or was there more ? Most importantly, why was he struggling with lust now ? It was the first time it was happening to him.

Still, without having clarity, he would have felt regret today.

With a shrug of your shoulders you moved past it “Maybe we should not talk of these things. I wonder what I would be called if people found out I spoke of such things to a monk.”

“A confessor.” He dared to jest.

A smile actually reached the surface and you looked at him “The sinner and the saint.”

He grimaced, out of the two of you, he was surely the one carrying most of the sins.

It was a personal question he had asked, yet he had trusted you enough to speak his opinion and you wanted to share your own “Considering you told me, I guess I should tell you too. I believe there is nothing wrong with acting on lust if everyone involved is agreeing to it.”

It had not come as a surprise, not really, your upbringing had been very different.

Quietly you added “But, if I can choose, I choose to experience it with a person I really like. And…if you had not helped me once, that choice would have been taken from me.”

Neither of you had forgotten that moment, the proof that such evil was present even in a paladin that devoted his life to the Church.

The Monk eased your mind, none of his red brothers would lay a finger on you again “It will not be taken from you. As long as you are with me, you have nothing to fear.”

This time he did not call it his ‘responsibility’ to do so… like it had become a matter of principle to keep you safe.

It was new for you, to have someone that was trying to protect you, to care for you even in these unfortunate circumstances.

Someone who did not send you away even if you were not of use to him.

Someone who had not left you to sleep on the cold ground like your parents had done for years.

While taking a step closer, you asked “I know monks are not supposed to touch women. Is any form of touch forbidden ?”

He hoped he would not have to explain in detail what was or was not allowed for a man of the cloth “If you give an example, I can answer your question better.”

You slowly nodded, eyes fixed on his face when you closed the distance.

Gently you embraced him, mindful of where you placed your hands on his back considering the many scars he carried there.

You felt him tense up completely, it kind of felt like hugging a tree instead, that was how tense he was “Is this forbidden ?”

The Monk was doing his best to try and recall what the scriptures said about this only to give up and lie when your Fey scent came over him like a warm blanket “No.”

Of course you knew he was lying, and it was what made it feel even more meaningful, knowing he was lying because he wanted to let this happen.

The memory of you permitting him to touch you came back to him, unbeknownst to you he moved a hand to your back but you let go off him before he could place it there.

Immediately he withdrew his hand and pretended that he was not about to reciprocate the embrace.

“Lying is a sin.” It rolled from your tongue quietly and casually before you stepped away from him.

His hands folded together behind his back to hide their nervous fidgeting.

With a tilt of his head he wordlessly asked you to walk with him, it was almost time to head back if both still wanted to get some sleep.

      Together you walked along the river back towards the camp, at some point your hand had brushed against the back of his by accident and it had made your heart take a leap.

Your eyes remained focused on the water of the river while walking beside him, when you stopped so did he “I feel sweaty.”

He hummed quietly, something you couldn’t even hear.

The weather had been ridiculously warm today and you wanted for nothing more than to bathe, a bucket of water was helpful, but no small amount of water felt enough now.

The Monk was already starting to walk away, believing you would follow him when he noticed that you were in fact not. Instead of following him, it looked like you were starting to undress, making it difficult to form a coherent sentence “What-…”

It drew your attention and with newfound bravery you shut him down before he could object and deny you your chance to bathe “Turn around or keep looking, I am getting in the water.”

The look on his face was glorious, evidently he had not expected for you to speak to him like this.

One look at his face and you saw how his eyes were scanning your surroundings rapidly, did he fear other people were there or was he trying to keep his attention on something else ?

He could tell you not to get in that damned river, but it would be the same as stealing your chance to care for yourself, to freshen yourself up and wash off the warm weather’s results.

“Be quick.” It was meant to sound like a command but his voice could not manage it.

You heard the nervous crack in his voice and couldn’t help but feel a little smug about it. The notorious Weeping Monk turned into a mouse when it came to things like these.

With his back facing your direction, he fixed his eyes on the trees, wishing he could fix his thoughts on them as well.

It was often so simple to just stare up ahead mindlessly, especially at night when he was tired. Now it felt like the hardest test of will that he had ever experienced.

You stepped out of your clothes and into the river, letting out a content sound when feeling the cool water against your skin.

Throwing a look over your shoulder, the Monk stood still as a statue, back turned to you.

A smug smirk was plastered on your face, would he never turn around ? What if you refused to get out of the water ? What would he do then ?

It was perhaps a bit mean to consider doing it and you decided to just mess with him instead.

Just a little, not enough to actually make him regret taking you into the forest again.

While scooping water in your hands and letting it drip down on your face and hair, you called out to him “The water feels amazing !”

His head tilted, chin to shoulder before he moved it pointing ahead again.

The Monk was not a fool, you were toying with him, perhaps he could do the same “I hope you enjoy feeding the leeches who live in it.”

The sound of splashing reached his ears and he did not fight the pretentious smile on his face.

You panicked at the information, suddenly feeling like you were covered in imaginary bloodsucking animals “Tell me that is a joke !”

A quiet panicking squeal coming from you almost made him turn around before remembering why he was looking away in the first place.

Was that thing in the water with you a leech or a leaf ?!?!?!?!? You couldn’t tell in the darkness.

You were already starting to head to the river bank again when he finally answered dryly “There are none in this river. I inspected it when we set up camp here.”

Out of sheer frustration you tried to splash some water in his direction, it hit the ground long before it could reach him.

Still he was aware of your attempt and the hidden smile grew wider.

A disgruntled noise escaped you and you continued with what you were doing, wishing you had a piece of cloth to rinse your skin with instead of just your hands.

The quiet sounds of moving water alerted him that you had started to bathe again, his focus was drawn to the sound.

Images formed inside his thoughts, images he should not be thinking of, especially not now.

It was a bit frustrating, you decided to just ask him “You don’t happen to have a piece of cloth that I could use ?”

He had, in case you would fall and bleed again, but how would he manage to give it to you blindly ?

When he didn’t answer you let out a disappointed sigh.

The Monk looked up at the night sky, wondering why God seemed so determined to test whether or not he could resist the temptation behind him ?

“I do.” Again his voice wavered, betraying him over and over again.

“Can you bring it to me, please ? I can tell you where to walk if you want to keep your eyes closed.” You suggested.

Not only did he actually keep his eyes closed, he also had to navigate towards you without falling in the river, it was quite a hilarious sight.

He stopped only a few steps away, holding the cloth out for you to take.

Too far away for you.

“Closer.” Your lips curled into a devious smile “Just a few more steps.”

It was as if he had heard the teasing tone, making him halt for a blink second before getting closer, he knelled right at the edge and held the cloth out for you to take.

Just when you wanted to take the cloth from his hands, his own clasped around yours.

There was a self-satisfied smile on his face, eyes still shut “You know that I can just follow your scent.”

It took you off-guard when he lifted your hand up to his nose “Then why did you listen to me ?”

Almost did you miss how he tried to hide a smirk from you, did he enjoy how you were practically luring him towards you ?

Instead of answering he let your hand go, letting you take the cloth.

You turned around in the water, back facing him.

After a moment he rose to his feet and slowly turned to face away as well.

It felt like every single inch of his skin was tingling, it spread into his chest.

A tingling both hot and cold, causing his heart to quicken beyond control.

You shivered in the water, the air warm and the tension between you and the Monk made it only warmer “I’m impressed.”

Over his shoulder he spoke to you “By what ?”

With a light tone you expressed how uncommon his chivalry during this was “By how respectful you can be. And I really thought you would tell me not to get in the river.”

There was a hum just loud enough for you to hear “Manners are one of the most important traits to have. Letting you bathe is common decency.”

The way he could be so polite and civil when you were at your most vulnerable was reason enough for you to show that you could be nice too “Can you be sweet and bring me my cloak, please ?”

Interesting choice of words…

It took him a second to understand why you were asking for the cloak, neither of you had walked into the forest with a towel.

He put down your cloak close to the river bank, not far from where he could sense that your clothes were.

Bathing had made it just a bit harder for him to detect your Fey scent.

By the lack of something better to dry yourself off with, the cloak was a good substitute.

The quiet splashing of the water alerted him and he stepped away from your clothes and turned around again, creating a distance.

It took a bit to dab yourself mostly dry with the cloak and dress again.

“All done.” You called out to him and saw him hesitate, adding a jest “It is safe for your soul again.”

Only then did he open his eyes, glancing over at you over his shoulder so carefully that a small laugh escaped you “The more time passes, the more I believe you are the most dangerous to my soul out of all else.”

You walked over to him “Such an honor.”

Nearly did he roll his eyes, your sarcasm growing stronger by the minute “We should head back now.”

You practically pushed the now wet cloak in his hands so he would carry it “Alright. Here.”

The audacity…

The Monk propped the cloak into a ball, biting his tongue and saying nothing off it “When we are back, you should put it on again. Let us avoid questions arising.”

You would have thought he would have mentioned how you had just flat out been a bit rude by pushing the cloak in his hands, but he hadn’t…

Was this how he was used to being treated by Carden and others above his rank ?

Without much thought you were nicer to him “I will. I don’t want you to get into trouble because of me.”

The Monk frowned, finding it odd that someone was concerned about him in such a way.

When you tried to take the cloak from his hands again, to carry it yourself, he held it out of your reach and assured you that it did not bother him “It is alright…”

It didn’t feel ‘alright’ to you “I shouldn’t have pushed it in your hands like that. I’m sorry.”

In response he squeezed some of the water out of the fabric of the cloak, but he took note of the change in you “You don’t have to apologize, y/n.”

You disagreed “I do. I shouldn’t treat you like that. No one should be treated like they are only a servant to others.”

You missed how he looked at you now, like something was clicking together.

Was this how your parents had treated you ? Diminishing their own child to nothing more than a servant ?

He found himself believing that there had been someone else in your life to show you that you were more than what your parents believed you to be. How else had you grown up to be so kind ? To survive so long alone was unlikely to him.

“There must be someone missing you right now.” It came out like it was a solid fact to him.

To you however it was a harsh reminder that the opposite was true and it was strange that the Monk seemed so certain that it was true.

When you pretended like you did not hear him, it only made his curiosity grow.

Rarely did he ask personal questions, yet the longer he spend with you, the more he wished to know and he was more direct “Is there someone missing you ?”

Maybe not a parent, but perhaps other kin. Perhaps a lover,…

It was a delicate question, for all he knew they could have been killed by either him or one of his red brothers.

Your answer was evasive, using something you had already spoke of to him “My parents do not care what happens to me or where I am. They did not want me.”

“You do not need them.” It was a fact to him, you had succeeded in surviving into adulthood.

“I still wanted them.” You admitted quietly.

Not even he could admit that he had never missed his birth parents, or that he had waited and wanted them to come and find him when he was a frightened child in a strange place.

He saw right through your attempt to avoid answering, with caution he pressed the matter “Someone else must be missing you. Other kin ?”

You wished he would just drop the topic, it was painful to know that no one was out there, you were short with him “No.”

Why was the topic such a sensitive one to you ?

Perhaps there was indeed a romantic connection with someone that was disrupted by these events.

At the thought he grew uncomfortable, someone, somewhere out there might be waiting for you, waiting to give you the life he himself could never give.

He fired off another question quickly, before he would not have the courage any longer to do so “A lover ?”

Your eyes snapped to him before quickly looking away again, this time you only shook your head.

Had he truly been the first last night to…

The only person to…

The silence that followed was definitely uncomfortable.

The questions had hit a nerve “Why do you ask ? Curious to see if someone will mourn me after your red brothers burn me alive ?”

Without stopping you waited for a calm dismissal from him, what you got instead was the Monk firmly stopping you.

With a hand wrapped around your upper arm he moved you close to him “I ask so I can know you. Do you still believe I wish to see you burn ?”

He appeared quite upset by your bitter response.

You realized he didn’t deserve the response you had given, he had meant no harm “No one will miss me ! Nobody will care whether I survive or not. I’m not sure if I care anymore either. There is your answer.”

The tightening in your throat was beginning, it took everything to keep your emotions from reaching the surface and letting it show him how much the truth actually hurt.

His hand left your arm, rising up until his fingers were less than an inch from your face.

It pained him to hear it, to know that the suffering in your life was outweighing the good.

You stilled completely when he let a knuckle stroke against your cheekbone. The line neither had dared to cross became palpable again.

The Monk took a step closer and the line got thinner, bending between the both of you to prevent what felt inevitable.

He brushed his knuckle against the corner of your mouth next, eventually letting his index finger slide under your chin “Rest assured, you would be missed…”

You opened your mouth to speak but words failed you.

With a vulnerability in his eyes that matched your own, he sought an answer in yours.

The truth threatened to break free, the lie he hid behind was falling apart.

How long could he keep pretending that what he felt was just lust ? Just curiosity ?

He cared.

He wanted you to live.

Because he would miss you even if no one else would.

The question in his eyes was unmistakable and slowly you nodded.

It was not enough for him, he let his gaze fall on your lips, then met yours again “May I ?”

‘Nothing more’, that was what you had said to him last night…

To hear him ask for permission, so polite and gentle…

Whilst placing a hand on his chest, you tilted your head, making it easy for him to do what he wished to do.

His hand spread open, cradling the side of your face while letting his fingers sneak to the back of your neck.

Never before had he done this, was there a certain technique ?

All these years, all these battles, and his biggest worry now was not knowing how to kiss someone.

Taught how to fight, not how to love.

That inner turmoil, the insecurity whirled in the seas of his eyes.

Slowly the Monk leaned in, gently steering your head.

Your eyes fluttered shut while trying to keep your breathing calm, it was futile when you felt his breath caress your cheek like a warm summer’s breeze.

He felt your breath against his lips, it was enough for the voices to return. The Hidden were nearly singing their approval in his ears, he wondered if you too heard them now. He collected himself before his confidence could leave him, wanting to feel your mouth with his own, to taste your lips and let your breaths blend into one.

A plan that was interrupted by one of the forest’s inhabitants.

A loud scream echoed through the forest and you nearly jumped out off your skin “What was that ?!?”

The sound of the animal had made him stop as well, his hand moving away from you “A fox. A vixen to be precise.”

You had forgotten how a fox could sound like a woman screaming bloody murder.

The moment was gone so quickly and the Monk stepped back a little.

Like it had been God interfering, preventing him from pursuing his own interests above his faith.

For a moment all you did was look at him, this man had wanted to kiss you.

Him.

A monk.

A man of the Ash Folk.

“Come on.” He then softly spoke, motioning for you to walk with him.

The silence on the walk back to the camp was not uncomfortable, both just enjoying each other’s company.

You put the almost dry cloak back on as he had requested before walking into the camp, while whispering you asked “The knife that man gave me, can I keep it ?”

He answered with a simple nod.

Only afterwards he realized how much he had started to trust you, how easy the answer had been to him, almost thoughtless.

You halted before walking into the tent, catching his attention by subtly touching his arm “Do you mind waiting outside ?”

He turned to look at you, not understanding why.

“I would like to change into the other dress.” You explained.

With a nod he let you walk past him into the tent.

After a moment you were dressed into the other dress he had stolen from nuns. Instead of calling out to him and risk waking others, you went to the exit of the tent, leaned outside and smacked your hand lightly against his arm as he stood facing away from you. His eyes snapped to you right away, dropped down from your face for a blink second and snapped away from you completely.

That was odd…

His eyes darted to your face again for a second “I will be with you in a moment.”

There was a heavy loud swallow coming from him and you frowned.

You stepped back into the tent, not thinking much of it.

This dress had short sleeves and where the former hid any cleavage this one did show some. It was lighter and more suitable for the warm weather, you regretted not wearing it sooner.

The Monk stepped into the tent not long after, lacing the entrance shut so no other could enter from outside.

You brushed your hands over the light fabric, evening the creases out “This dress is so much lighter. I didn’t notice that before.”

He hadn’t actually paid much attention to it either, there was little time to pick which clothes he was about to steal from those nuns.

But he agreed, this one was lighter and more revealing than the other had been.

Of course it was lighter if it was made of less fabric…

When you turned around, trying to look at the back of the dress, the Monk strolled over to you.

He placed a hand lightly on your back and you stopped moving when you felt it, it moved up to your arm.

You could see him searching for something “Something wrong ?”

Tentatively he moved the short sleeve further up, turning your arm to inspect the damage he had unintentionally caused.

His eyes fell on the bruise that had formed and his stomach twisted into a knot.

Your eyes searched his face, until they landed on your arm and what seemed to have drawn his attention.

An apology did not feel enough, but it was a start “I am sorry for hurting you.”

He had not been the only one that had regrets from that night, you had some as well “And I am sorry for hitting you.”

The Monk was quick to refuse your apology “It happened because of what I did, you were only defending yourself.”

It slipped from your mouth “Please, don’t believe that it’s normal to be struck by someone, not by me or by Father Carden.”

He was reluctant to accept this, you could tell.

The Monk countered with “You had good reason to do so.”

You seized the moment to question him on the imbalanced relationship between him and the priest “So you know that Father Carden does not have a good reason ?”

He gave the excuse that had been fed to him by the ones he was raised among “Father is leading us to salvation. The suffering, even ours, is part of the journey.”

All you could do was stare, not fully able to believe your own ears.

Shaking your head, you stepped away from him and towards the cot “If unnecessary suffering is important, I never wish to know where such a journey ends…”

You took place on the cot, sitting while watching him, sensing that not even he fully believed that this was right. It was wrong.

“I will never hit you again. I will not become what I hate.” You vowed.

It caught his attention “What do you hate ?”

With a shrug of your shoulders you muttered “Father Carden, my parents…

those who hurt others and find joy in doing so because it makes them feel powerful.”

He walked towards the beam, sliding with his back down along it until he sat on the ground “Did they hurt you ?”

You knew he was steering the conversation to your personal life “My mother more often than my father. I could live with the…beatings, it was what they said to me that hurt the most.”

Words could be the strongest weapon. It could end wars or start them.

It could build a person or break them.

Hundreds of physical blows and the worst had always been verbal ones to him “Some are unworthy of the gift of birth.”

You arched a brow “Are you saying my parents should not have conceived me ?

He was quick to clear that up “They do not deserve any child. Having you was perhaps the only good thing they did as ‘parents’.”

The last part sounded like it had slipped from his thoughts out of his mouth, he sounded somewhat angry when speaking of your parents.

“Did you just tell me that you’re glad I was born ? Me, a spawn of evil.” It felt good to hear it, that at least one person was glad that you existed.

He acted busy with propping his cloak up into a ball, answering genuinely “You know I am.” eyes flickering in your direction for a second.

He had taken off his cloak and used it as a pillow against the wooden beam “I must tell you that tomorrow Father is expected to travel to the monastery and remain there for the day. I must accompany him.”

It filled you with dread, to be left alone in the camp.

“I will be taking you along.” He informed, not missing the hint of fear that had flashed through your eyes.

“Me ? To a monastery ?” It sounded so unlikely.

“You would rather stay here alone ?” He was not really asking.

Rolling your eyes, you gestured to yourself “It will be nice to see some other women after all this time… oh wait.”

His head fell back against the beam, eyes falling shut and the smirk tugged at his lips “Leave it to me.”

You shook your head “I don’t know much about monks. But I do know that women aren’t welcome in a monastery. Father Carden will never allowed it.”

He sighed in response “We are not allowed the company of women either, yet Father allows you to be here now.”

Surely after all these years of selfless and loyal service to Father and the Church, he would be granted this one request ?

It would only be one night, nothing sacrilegious would happen.

Father trusted him.

It felt so difficult to make him see the reality “Because he believes that you are treating me…badly. If he really knew, he would have me taken away immediately. I am nothing more than one of the pawns in his plan to prevent you from seeing the truth.”

It was starting to test his patience, he disliked talking of the relationship between him and Father “There is no scheme, y/n. Father wished for me to have something to clear my head so I can rest better at night and do my duty during the day.” sighing deeply as he added “I no longer wish to speak of this.”

You picked up on his tired tone, but there was no anger. And you tried a gentle approach instead of a confronting one, it could not be easy for him either “I only want to understand you. You are so much more than just a weapon, the priest will never acknowledge that. And I am sorry, I really am. It’s one of the cruelest things I have ever witnessed.”

The Monk refused to look in your direction now.

One moment he is so close, the next it feels as if he is at the opposite end of a bridge that you have to crawl over to get to him.

Reaching out to him felt like reaching into a fog, never knowing what you would pull out from it.

“It’s late, y/n.” His voice sounded weaker, ending this conversation before it would steal away his chance at sleep completely.

It was there, you could feel it, the doubt was inside of him. Planted long before you had met him and growing past the limits he had set for it.

Sometimes you doubted that you could bring him back to his people, to bring him home before you were lost as well…

Softly you spoke, reaching out for him openly “Lancelot…”

He acknowledged it by glancing at you from the corner of his eye.

You went to lay down on the cot, still looking at him “If I would leave, I don’t know where I would go. Only that I want you to come with me either way.”

His head tilted, chin nearly touching his chest.

He had heard you.

The silence went on for so long that you believed he was done with the conversation, only to quietly say “I do not belong with the Fey.”

Maybe he would never dare return to the Fey and live a discreet life instead, as long as he was out of Carden’s grasp, you would be content “Would I be enough ?”

He dared not answer, God nor Father would forgive him if he did.

It had been a clear invitation, for him to leave Father’s side and choose to spend his life with you alone, one Fey woman. None other.

It implied more, suggested options a man of the cloth should not consider….

A little rattled he encouraged you to get some rest, before neither of you would sleep tonight “Sleep, y/n. Tomorrow you travel with me.”

You laid down your head, feeling something poke against your side. It was the knife you had gotten from the man in the forest, you had nearly forgotten you had hidden it in the pocket of your dress when you had changed into it.

Pulling it out, you placed it on the pillow next to your head. The Monk could easily take it away but showed no intention to do so.

“You trust me with a knife ?” The remark escaped you.

His eyes were shut, sleepily replying “It’s barely big enough to peel an apple.”

“It’s pretty sharp. Kind of the man to gift it to a stranger.” You shut your eyes, missing the arch of his brow.

He kept his tone neutral “The man was too eager to ask you to go with them. You did well to decline.”

Sleepily you told him “Maybe. Or maybe you are just saying that because you did not want me running off with the handsome Manblood.”

There was a sudden silence, him refusing to acknowledge what had just been said.

The silence carried on and eventually you fell asleep.

The Monk however stayed awake longer, repeating your words in his mind. Breaking them apart to try and determine if there was a deeper meaning or if it had been just a jest.

Words that bothered him until he had fallen asleep.

The handsome Manblood…

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