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genderstarbucks · 2 years ago

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Hello!

Please click on this daily to help support Palestine (zionists suck my dick challenge)

We're the Nightmare System, Michael is the host and will pretty much just be running this account, but if you want to refer to us collectively then you can just call us Millie

Our requests are always open but sometimes we may be slow due to low spoons, don't worry, we're not ignoring your request!

There is some discourse-y esque and political stuff on this blog but that's not our main focus of this blog

All of our terms will be archived on our Pinterest (@genderstarbucks) since this blog is kind of a mess

We use xenogender and mogai tags for reach, we know [insert identity] isn't a xenogender

Things We Will Do

- Finding specific terms/flags

- Finding the name of random flags you have in your gallery that you can't remember

- Flag making

- Coin genders

- Coin sexualities (as long as it's genuine and not made as a mockery like dreamsexual (the dsmp one))

- Coin mogai after dark terms, but if we feel uncomfortable with any of your requests we'll probably turn you down, but send you to another blog who may do it!

- Make pfps/icons (even if they're not pride pfps/icons! We can just make regular ones too)

- Make higher quality flags (just send in a flag with lower quality and we'll turn it higher quality)

- Combine flags

- Make things into transparent pngs

- Make pronoun flags

- Pretty much anything! If you're not sure just ask

- We will do exclusive identities for groups we're not a part of, but in the most respectful way possible and basically just being the artistic outlet for whoever's requesting

Things We Will Not Do

- Coin things related to problematic media, we will NOT do anything related to ybc or things like that)

- It honestly depends on the request, it's mostly just things we feel uncomfortable doing that we won't do

We have the right to refuse any request (but we most likely won't)

It is 100% okay to post our terms onto wiki's & other sites, just lmk first! (P.S. we keep seeing a lot of our terms on Pinterest, which makes us very happy, but please just let us know if you're going to repost our terms onto other sites, and especially credit us.)

We will not state our personal opinion on stuff like syscourse bc we just generally don't want to be involved in it, we're traumagenic, that's all you need to know

You guys are also completely free to edit our flags and such if you wish! Just credit obvs if you're posting them anywhere publicly

Intro Server abt me

Socials:

- Discord: ToxicToric#9633

- Pronouns.page: ToxicToric

- Pronouns.cc: ToxicToric

- Pinterest: GenderStarbucks

- SimplyPlural: ToxicToric

Michael's faceclaim > Charlie's faceclaim > What we want the body to look like

We're bodily 18 and both 18 internally

We're a traumagenic, median system (meaning I'm like "in-between" being a system and singlet since Charlie hardly ever fronts and it's just me most of the time, we're not saying whether we're pro or anti-endo, however we're just stating that median system isn't an endo term that we know of)

Michael's pronouns are he/they/it + neos, or honestly anything but she/her and feminine pronouns

Charlie's pronouns are she/he(r)

Collectively we use any pronouns! (including neos/xenos)

We hope you find labels that fit you here! Our goal is to make/find labels to help people feel more comfortable with themselves <3

If you like our account some great blogs we recommend are:

- @valentinesie / @caeliangel

- @neopronouns / @neopornouns (18+)

- @kenochoric-moved / @transhaunting (rip)

- @mogai-sunflowers

We're not going to make a DNI since we don't want to gatekeep people from using our terms, since we can't control how someone identifies, but if you disagree with any of our views then it's your choice if you want to interact or not.

Also, we don't mind if you're on our against list and send a request, just do it on anon unless you want us probably blocking you

We're pro/support:

- mogai/xenogenders (obviously)

- lesboys/turigirls

- gaybians

- mspec gays/lesbians/straights

- afab transfems and amab transmascs

- "contradictory" labels

- anybody who reclaims slurs as their identity, yes even people who use fag/got pronouns or something similar

- multigender and/or multisexual people

- pan/poly/omni

- microlabels

- aroacespec

- fictoromantic/fictosexual + any microlabels

- detransitioners, except ones who become terfs or radfems

- people with "scary" disorders, such as bpd, psychotic disorders, etc.

- therians / otherkins, alterhumans, etc.

- sfw age regressors

- transage, transspecies, transracial and transabled people since those terms weren't transx terms originally and they were stolen by radqueers (transage being agere, transspecies being otherkin/therian/etc., transracial being adoptees into a family or another race and transabled being for people with BIID)

- transid / transx terms that AREN'T radqueer terms / reclaimed transids / transx

We're anti:

- transid/transx that are used in a radqueer way

- transmisogynists and transandrophobes, any hate against my fellow trans siblings, brothers and sisters will not be tolerated

- transphobes, terfs and radfems

- people who believe that transandrophobia doesn't exist but believe transmisogyny does exist?? Both types of transphobia exist, YOU'RE just transandrophobic

- people who get mad at others for being uncomfortable being referred to as bro, dude, girl, sis, etc. EVEN if you use it in a gender neutral way (people are still allowed to not want to be called that)

- pedophiles/maps who act on it

- zoophiles who act on it

- necrophiles who act on it

- any pro contact harmful paraphilia

- r*pesexuals, quasihomosexuals, etc.

- super straights/gays/lesbians/bi (you're literally just transphobic shut up)

- radqueers

- fuckers who think the blue/green gay man flag is lesbophobic, copied the lesbian flag and/or hate on people for using it (it's my fav gay man flag I'll use it all I want)

We believe:

- queer is not a slur (anymore)

- slurs can be reclaimed

- people can identify however they want

- men can use the terms butch and femme

- lesbian and veldian are terms for queer attraction to women/men and NOT non men loving non men and non women loving non women (those go towards faunic and floric)

- arospec and/or acespec people are queer

- cishets are inherently queer depending on the situation (such as being ace)

- any term under the mspec umbrella is valid and bi is not the only mspec label

- sexuality can be fluid

- gender can be fluid

- "contradictory" labels aren't harmful to the queer community, you're just insecure abt your identity

- selfshipping is NOT a form of comshipping (cuz it literally isn't), comshipping is shipping anything taboo, abusive and incestuous, selfshipping is literally just shipping yourself with a character

If you're an irl NSFW account, you're getting blocked, we may be 18 but we don't wanna see your titties

Anons

- 1

- PCOS anon

- 🫶🏾

- ⚠️

- 🦔

- 🥥

- 👽📻

- ☀️/🔷🌟

- 🦈

- 🪼

- 🍓🩵🪻

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bigwhispersbluebird · 3 years ago

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Look into my eyes, and lie

Synopsis: Taehyung and you have been dating for years, serious enough to announce it publicly. Everything was perfect until he starts ignoring you and the only thing that breaks the silence is a rumour that might be the end of this relationship as you know it.

Angst, written from OC's perspective

Warnings: Insinuation of cheating

Author's Note: This will be a two-shot, hopefully.

I woke up to the sound of my phone ringing off the hook. Even though I usually turn it to silent before sleeping but last night, I had consciously kept it on the highest volume in hopes that he would call.

Taehyung and I had met when my company was contracted to serve as publicists of Bangtan. Being attracted to one of the members went beyond every code of ethic that I had etched in my brain but there is little to be done when the only thing keeping you sane is a certain boxy smile and its owner's persistence. After a couple years of dating, Taehyung wanted to make it official by announcing it to ARMY, first and foremost. That was when the realisation had hit me that this relationship meant as much to him as it did to me.

While the media had tried to turn the situation against BTS, it was the faith and support of ARMY that helped in finding stability and an easy way through it all. Things had been great since then.

Until now.

Taehyung was out of reach, out of contact for days. Eventhough he had always made time before or atleast squeezed in a call, he had not even bothered to reply to my texts for days. More than angry or upset, it was worry that overtook my senses.

"Perhaps he was busy and finally got time", I thought suddenly when the phone rang again.

I sprang up and immediately started searching for it; hands splayed on the mattress, reaching out for him.

Although, as soon as I saw the notifications, my heart dropped. It was a bunch of calls from my company and hundreds of Twitter notifications. This could only mean one thing: another rumour or scandal.

I unlocked my phone, swiping left on all the notifications, searching for only one that I was looking for. But it wasn't there.

However, there was a message from Namjoon. Simple yet something that scared me to bits.

"I am sorry. Talk to me whenever you can."

What was he sorry for?

I tentatively opened Twitter, and soon I wished I hadn't. Ignorance is bliss and I would give anything to be the fool I was a few seconds ago still waiting on a call from the only person who had the power to shatter me like he just did.

"BTS's Taehyung spotted with a blond through the back alley of his private apartment. Unless Y/N has suddenly had a change of style, we smell something fishy."

Attached was a blurred shot taken through night vision camera. And if I hadn't memorized all the contours of his body, I would have second guessed who that person was for the sake of my sanity. However, one look and I knew that it was him. His arms around the waist of a blond I hadn't seen before. Her face was not visible but she seemed too close to him for my liking.

No, Y/N! Stop acting all paranoid. You know he is not like that. There must definitely be a reason for this image and the situation. And just because someone calls it an affair, doesn't mean it has to be. He would never disrespect you like that. Get a grip.

Repeating the same words in my head, I got up from my bed, ignoring the notifications that were still chiming on my phone. I almost believed what I was telling myself but the lack of explanation on his behalf made me question myself.

Shouldn't he have called me after seeing this? After knowing how it would affect me? Or maybe it is true and he doesn't have the nerve to accept it? Or perhaps, it is too much of bullshit for him to pay attention to it?

Questions after questions popped in my head as I got dressed for work, maybe he would drop by there? Amongst it all, the thing that was worrying me more was not the picture or the news but his absence from my life for so long that he hadn't even bothered replying to me. Whatever happened or didn't happen was about the night before so what was the reason of his anger before that?

Before leaving, I unplug my phone from the charger and once again scrolled through all the notifications. Messages from my friends, even his friends but none from him.

Frustrated, I climb into my car and turn on the music at the highest volume, hoping it would quiet down my brain.

*****

"Everything that has been reported is nothing but a misunderstanding and yet another manipulation of a simple situation to relay a story of your choice. Taehyung and I are still together and very happy and have only to be grateful to our fans that have believed us without reason. He is busy with his work and I am indulged in mine but please don't worry about us."

I turned off the television after watching myself strut inside the office building after giving a speech I wish I had believed with as much confidence as I had faked. But something had to be done about the reporters that had not moved from the building for the last four days. What didn't help the case was that his label had not come out with ANY statement nor were we spotted together. Everyone had assumed that we had broken up after Taehyung cheated. No matter what, I would not let a scandal tarnish his career.

My anger filled speech could not be nitpicked by even the most observant of people. That is what you get after years of being famous and now the head of the leading artist representative label.

But as I sat in my office room, overlooking the city, I could not mute the sound of my heart breaking.

I glanced at the frame on my desk. A picture we had taken on our trip to Rome. A simple one of us on the bike we had rented. Me holding on to his waist and him holding on to me, genuine smiles painted on our lips.

When did everything go so wrong?

I didn't even notice I was crying until my secretary knocked on the door, opening it simultaneously in urgency but soon halting noticing my state.

"It is okay, Kai", I waved at him, wiping at my face with the other.

"Um, apologies ma'am but Mr Taehyung is waiting for you."

My mind went numb. I didn't expect him to come anymore. Not after he had ignored my existence for so long now, acting like we meant nothing.

But he was here. He was here and I wish I had the courage to turn him away but I did not. I wanted to see him. Desperately.

Unable to voice out my thoughts, I just nodded at Kai who understood as he walked out, probably to lead him inside.

I immediately glanced at the mirror on the wall, my self respect intact enough to not let him know how much his indifference had hurt me. I would never give anyone that satisfaction.

But as he walked into the room, his familiar scent overtaking everything reminding me how every part of my own office was full of him. The picture on my desk, his guitar leaning on the farther wall, my side table still full of the lavenders he had bought me a month before, the coat hanger where his baseball cap still stands when we decided to leave our disguises and go on a sudden date. And well me, his from every aspect, body and soul. My heart almost stopped and my brain lost all reasons it had to put up a facade. I just wanted to run to him.

But all the emotions made me so exhausted that I kept sitting there, planted as if I would combust into ashes if I tried moving.

So I stayed, looking at him. Dressed like his usual self, a plain shirt with flared pants and a vitange coat. His hair styled like he had come straight here from work. He must have, I realized as I noticed what time it was.

"Tae...", I tried breaking the silence but all that came out was a meek croak. Clearing my throat, I tried again. "You came here from work?". Again, silence.

"Were you crying?", he said. His expressions stoic but worry shining from his voice and I wanted to burst into tears but I only had my dignity to hold onto right now.

"Not really. Kinda sick I guess so I might look red but I am fine".

I knew he didn't believe me but thankfully he let me live it down.

Moving forwards, he tentatively sat in the chair placed opposite mine and I knew how neither of us failed to realize how foreign that action was when usually he would grab a chair and place it right beside mine, pulling me closer to him until I was between his knees or how he would settle himself on the sofa and pat on it and I would rush to occupy the space beside him.

I tried to swallow another lump forming in my throat. This was his way of showing that things were different. And I wanted to know why. Was it someone else? Or did we just reach the end and I didn't see it coming?

I watched him as he looked down, fumbling with the belt of his coat, which he had not taken off, not expecting to stay long. His face which was always stoic failed to hide how desperately he was searching for words to make everything go away.

I saw it too and it was the only reason why I fought through all my resolve and spoke, not bothering to hide how vulnerable I felt.

"Taehyung, I don't want any explanations", I noticed as his eyes met mine, slowly, all his attention on me, "I don't want to know anything that happened before or anything that happened after you stopped talking to me". I stopped, my heart beating so fast I could hear it thump in my ears. His eyes fixated on me, his expression mimicking mine- awaiting what I would say next.

"Just tell me they lied", I spoke but it came out as a plea, my voice cracking as I tried to maintain eye contact with him through all the tears that were now brimming my eyes. "Tell me that nothing happened between you and the woman in that picture. Just say that and I will never talk about this again. I'll forget that these last few weeks ever occurred in our lives."

Taehyung's eyes did not leave mine, his expression unreadable now. As I continued speaking, his head fell low, trying to hide the tears that were in his eyes too.

"Tell me and I will take your word over everything. Please," I begged, " Please...".

I did not have the energy to continue as emotions overtook me and I helplessly sobbed, my entire body shaking and tears chasing each other down my cheeks. I covered my face with my hands, crying into my palms until I felt familiar warm hands on mine, pulling them to reveal my face.

My teary eyes met his and before I could try to understand what everything meant, he broke the silence, saying each word without breaking eye contact so I could believe it, "They lied. I can't...I didn't cheat on you...".

As soon as his words reached me, my eyes failing to find a lie, I couldn't hold it in as I burst into tears throwing myself in his arms which were quick to catch me, enveloping around my body tightly showing that he won't let go.

So I cried into him while I felt his own tears dropping on my shoulders.

Nothing mattered. Neither the several days of not talking, nor the reports pouring in since that night. I knew that he was not lying and that was enough to make me let go of everything else.

For now.

#bts #bts reactions #bangtan #namjoon #kim namjoon #fanfic #fic #canon #angst #kim taehyung #v #taehyung #reader #oc x canon

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years ago

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PLS TELL ME ABOUT THE HISTORY OF CADAVERIC DISSECTION I WANNA HEAR ALL OF IT PLS PLS PLS

Yes yes yes!! I would love to!!! I love this subject!! /g

disclaimer: I’m not an expert, I just think the topic is interesting and research it in my spare time

so I think one of the more fascinating aspects of human dissection, is that originally it all started with the goal of finding the soul. These people wanted to figure out where in the body the soul was kept, as the soul was the part of you that would outlast your body and persevere forever. This is a fairly religious outlook, but it’s what motivated them. It’s an outlook that can be seen with the ancient Egyptians, although they were taking apart the body for purposes of preservation, not to study the anatomy. A lot of earlier people actually thought the heart was the most important organ and not the brain, which was why it wasn’t preserved in the mummification process.

But now for actually dissection! We go back to Ancient Greece, 3 BCE, where Herophilus of Chalcedon and Erisistratus of Ceos practiced. We actually don’t have any record of them or their practice, as their studies were burned in Alexandria (I believe the second burning, the one by Theophilus). We just know they existed because they were mentioned by later people. These two are generally considered the first two people to practice human dissection, which is why they’re important. I bet you’ll probably never hear there names in discussion of anything else.

But after Alexandria burned, human dissection vanished for 1,700 years, later coming back in 14th century Italy. As of the 12th century it wasn’t expressly prohibited, but there was a phrase that translated to “the church abhors blood” that was misinterpreted as a ban. But later on the Holy Roman Emperor, Fredrick II, said a body needed to be dissected every five years in order to study anatomy. So the first publicly sanctioned dissection since Ancient Greece took place in 1315. However, the style of dissections during these time periods are absolutely atrocious in terms of effectiveness.

There were three people involved. The Lector, who read aloud from a text (an out of date, inaccurate text); the Ostensor, who pointed at the part of the body to be dissected; and the Sector, who did the actually cutting people open part. However, the Lector never actually saw the body being opened, they just read from the text. So the person teaching the students couldn’t actually see the body, which isn’t great. Also, most of these dissections were taking place to just reinforce what students had already learned, not the actually explore the body.

Around the middle of the 14th century, it became mandatory in some universities to attend a dissection before you could graduate, which led to a sudden high demand for cadavers that just couldn’t be met. So how are these bodies acquired? Students were required to pay for and attend the funerals of the people they dissected, which was meant to encourage families to offer the body for dissection in exchange for a free funeral. Wasn’t quite enough to satisfy the demand, but it was enough that murder and grave robbing weren’t really a problem yet.

Anatomists and medical students weren’t the only people dissection bodies though. Dissection came back originally in Italy, and later on during the Renaissance many artists and sculptors would perform dissections to get a more accurate knowledge of the human form. Although many did choose to just stick to observation of the human form opposed to cutting it apart.

Now if you’ll remember, the dissections done with three people didn’t explore the body or have the Lector involved with the actual cadaver. This changed when Vesalius entered the picture, as he thought if you wanted to learn anatomy, you had to do the dissection yourself. However he was a student at this time and didn’t have many opportunities to dissect, so he would take bodies from the mound of Monfaucon, where executed criminals bodies would be hanged until they disintegrated. While unethical, it did give him a more thorough understanding of anatomy that he displayed when he took over from his Sector and started cutting open the body himself.

Now let’s take a little jump over to England. England was a little behind everyone else, starting dissection in the 16th century (this delay is likely due to the church). So the demand for cadavers rises because texts from Italy and France are making their way to England and now medical students are interested. So now the government needs to come up with a way to legally supply bodies, hence the Murder Act of 1752, which said executed murders could be dissected. This was both to legally provide bodies and to discourage murder.

However, while it wasn’t really a problem in 14th century Italy, grave robbing has now become a serious problem because the government just can’t meet the demand of the dissectors. There was even a specific name for the people who dug up bodies and sold them to medical schools: they were called body-snatchers by the general public and resurrectionists by medical schools. But there was another way bodies could be attained: murder. William Burke and William Hare killed at least 16 people and sod them to medical schools. They would kill these people by getting them intoxicated and then suffocating them, as this method would go undetected by the doctors they sold them too (as opposed to like, a slit throat). This specific style of murder was actually named after William Burke and called “burking.” Ironically when he was caught he was executed, and because executed criminals were fair game, he was dissected.

So because murder had become a problem, the anatomy act of 1832 was passed, which allowed unclaimed bodies of the poor from workhouses to be used for dissection purposes. If the body was still in the workhouse 48 hours after death, it was considered unclaimed. (Bodies we’re dissection 3-4 days after death because otherwise the stench would become unbearable). This made these corpses cheap and legal, so it was no longer worth the price of buying them from illegally procured sources. So yay, Murder has successfully been avoided. At the cost of the poor. This reasonably led to a rift between classes, as the poor didn’t want to be dissected and the rich wanted dissections for the purposes of science. Dissection had been used on executed criminals for long that it had become synonymous with capital punishment, and now all the sudden it’s like they’re saying these people are being punished for being poor.

The way people rationalized it was saying the bodies they were taking (and continued to take into the 20th century) were just repaying their debt to the society that had looked after them when alive. This is why soldiers were never dissected, as their service was considered repayment. However around this same time to workhouses began to close, so the number of corpses available decreased. So where do they get more bodies? From people who died in psychiatric asylums. They also explored other marginalized people, like immigrants and people of color. Enslaved people were considered property of their owner and could be sold, and what the family wanted didn’t matter. In Germany a large supply of bodies also came from concentration camps, with a legislation passed in 1942 that actually denied relatives of executed Poles and Jews the right to claim the body.

Now let’s hop over to the US. The US was very similar to Europe, however one thing that does stand out is the Uniform Anatomical Gift Act in 1968, stating that the deceased persons wish for their body now superseded that of their next of kin. This was important in terms of body donation, as now when someone wanted to donate their body that was respected above the families wishes. The act being successful also helped enact similar legislation around the world, like the Anatomy Act in 1984 in the UK. now medical students rely entirely on body donation to have cadavers to dissect in almost every part of the world. And it’s been proven time and time again and backed by medical students that their knowledge of anatomy and the human form is greatly improved when they have the chance to attend a dissection. Another aspect of this is keeping students sensitized, reminded that this was a real living person deserving of respect. That’s partially why earlier students would pay for and attend the funerals, to sensitize them. Now the students may meet the families of the person they’re dissecting prior to doing so.

Medicine has definitely come a long au since the idea of the four humors (which id also be happy to talk about /g), and there’s some very thorough resources out there if you want to look! I could give you the links to a few of my favorite if you’d like /g, but this is just a general summary of human dissection as a whole. Thanks so much for asking about it because I adore the subject and would love to talk about it anytime!!

#i may have given you a lot of information all at once #so feel free to ask for details about any of the topics/people covered #although there's not much more I can give you about herophilus and erasistratus #I'd have to do more research on them to see if there's anything else #if only alexandria hadn't burned #but like hnnngg medical history #my beloved #if you cannot tell this is a topic i'm passionate about #the history of human dissection #random stuff #medical history #human dissection #random #tw caps

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toglidethroughlife · 4 years ago

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Brighter Than Any Star:

An intimate look at everyone’s new favorite bass player

(or the blades band au that nobody asked for)

*inspired by @iaraiumi‘s STUNNING guitarist tyril art (here)

tyril-centric and tyril x mc bc this would be 7k+ words if i didn’t focus on just one of them but i tried to give everyone a moment in the spotlight. credits to a fic i read from the 100 fandom years ago for the format

used my f!elf mc ryllea graywater for this (though i guess this is kind of a modern au idk asjdla); also i don’t play any musical instruments i’m sorry in advance for butchering any of the technical parts 😬

Tyril Starfury — with his red silk shirts and slicked back hair — looks every bit the part of a rock god on stage with the rest of BLADES; but here, in the confines of their tour bus, he is a quiet presence, calmly sipping tea in the corner with a notepad and pen in his hands, his mind far away in the early hours of the morning.

If you had told me eighteen months ago that I would be shadowing Broadway darling Tyril Starfury as he traveled cross-country with his new rock band, I would have laughed and called you preposterous.

And yet, here I am, witness to the madness.

Nia Ellarious, the band’s youngest member and resident pianist, offers me a cup of the same tea as Starfury’s, telling me to enjoy the quiet with an almost apologetic smile.

I understand what she means not long after.

(There’s no such thing as a quiet morning in the world of Mal Volari.)

Every bit as charming and flamboyant as his on-stage persona, Volari greets the entire bus a good morning with flourish, throwing both me and Ellarious a magnetic smile before slipping towards the coffee machine with exceptionally light feet. (More on that later.) He taps on every available surface while he waits for his coffee to brew, humming softly as if figuring out a melody right there on the spot.

If Starfury is bothered by Volari’s banging and humming, he makes no show of it, paying him no mind as he continues to scribble in his notepad.

Ellarious beams as the scene plays out in front of her. “It’s not every day that they don’t get on each other’s nerves,” she explains. “Especially in the morning.”

It’s around this time — almost noon now — that Ryllea Graywater, lead guitarist and vocalist, wakes and joins the group, heading straight towards Volari and the cup of coffee in his hand.

“Thanks,” she winks as she takes the cup from him, shooting Volari a shit-eating grin that he returns easily, already procuring another cup for himself.

It should be noted that Graywater doesn’t seem to talk to anyone until she’s had at least one cup of coffee, choosing instead to slide in beside Starfury in the dining booth, eyes darting towards the notepad he’s writing on. They kind of just... sit there, minding their own business amidst the chaos that is the rest of the bus.

(Volari’s launched into an animated story about the inspiration behind last year’s summer hit, “Contessa, Contessa”, but I can’t help being drawn to the more quiet story unfolding behind him in the dining booth.)

Slinging one arm against the backrest of Starfury’s seat, Graywater casually invites herself into his space, a thoughtful smile on her lips as she looks over the notepad in his hand. There’s an openness between them that tells me that this isn’t a new occurrence, a comfortable ease in the way they seem to be engaging in a wordless conversation.

“He’s kind of really private,” I recall the younger Starfury sibling, Adrina, telling me about his creative process years ago, at the release party for his collab album with then rumored girlfriend and writing partner Kaya Duskraven. “He’s always been a perfectionist. Doesn’t really let anyone other than Kaya hear anything until it’s finished.”

But there’s no trace of that here, in this quiet moment with Graywater, bright, almost triumphant smiles on their faces as she picks up a pen and scribbles something on the pad too, immediately tapping out a melody against the table as if to test-run it by Starfury.

The smile he gives her is glowing.

I look away — suddenly feeling like an intruder in their private moment — catching the tail-end of Volari’s Contessa story, right before Imtura (no publicly released surname) accidentally slams me against the wall when the bus makes a rocky turn.

“Oof, sorry there little guy.” She raises both hands in apology before heading straight for the coffee machine, haphazardly dumping its contents into a generous-sized mug before immediately proceeding to consume said coffee as she plunks onto the other end of the dining booth.

And that’s how the first morning of me shadowing BLADES goes.

Ellarious tells me I’m lucky it was a good one.

With over 16 years of experience under his belt, Tyril Starfury has been in the music and entertainment industry far longer than the rest of the BLADES members combined. At the tender age of nine, he won his first piano competition, regarded highly for his precision at such a young age. He would continue to play competitively until he discovers a new love — musical theater.

It’s no surprise that Starfury ends up on Broadway — he comes from a long line of revered artists, all of them regarded as geniuses of their time. Though some would argue that his family name opened doors that would otherwise be unavailable, no one could deny that it was his clear, soaring baritone and unrelenting work ethic that kept him on stage.

It’s on this stage that he met young Kaya Duskraven, an understudy in one of his shows, prompting a fruitful five-year partnership spanning two EPs and a mini-concert series, Stars in the Dusk.

(The name was a little on the nose, but the critics loved them all the same.)

The two shared such a comfortable rapport, on and off-stage, that they naturally sparked dating rumors — Starfury was always quick to deny them.

No one could have expected the partnership to end on such a bitter note.

To this day, no one knows the real reason behind their fallout — Starfury walked out in the middle of their televised performance without apology or explanation — though there have been no shortage of rumors and theories, a lot of them involving one Eleryn Rosecoven, better known in the industry as Shadow Court bassist dXenia.

I tried to bring it up once, after several bottles of beer have been consumed and the band is swapping stories over s’mores made over the tour bus stove.

I’ve never been shut out so fast in my life.

There’s an audible crack from the s’more now crushed in Imtura’s hand, her piercing amber eyes seemingly driving a death sentence into mine. Volari sighs disapprovingly (and dramatically) at me, and even Ellarious — friendly, cheery Nia — looks at me with a pointed glare, turning off the stove, signaling the end of s’mores night.

“I would prefer not to comment,” Starfury nods at me, years of practiced courtesy showing in his tone and all I want in that moment is for the earth to swallow me whole.

Graywater follows when he excuses himself from the group. Everyone else avoids me like the plague.

It’s hours later when Starfury and Graywater return to the bus — I pretend to have fallen asleep in the dining booth in hopes that I can avoid their fury until the morning — but Graywater approaches me with two cups of tea in hand, an unreadable expression on her face.

She slides over one cup to me — if the scalding temperature of the tea is intentional, she makes no obvious show of it.

“Look,” she begins with an exasperated sigh. “I know you’re only doing your job here. And we did agree to this article, so I’m sorry if things got a little tense back there.” She pauses, as if considering her next words carefully. “We’ve all lived moments in our lives that we’re not proud of. Tyril’s had to live his in front of the public eye. He’ll talk about it when he feels ready to... but his past doesn’t define him, none of ours do.”

I nod, understanding that this is the last we’ll speak of the subject. She smiles as if in truce, telling me that I don’t have to banish myself to the dining booth and that no one will pull any pranks on me if I sleep in the shared bedroom.

I barely catch any sleep anyway.

There’s a ferocity in the way they protect each other that I didn’t notice at first — it could be subtle sometimes, like in the way Volari always checks in with each of the band members every night before going to bed (even though Starfury usually brushes him off); or in the way Imtura always makes sure every one stays hydrated (feel free to interpret that however you wish, whichever way is true); or in the way Ellarious always has some form of baked good running in the oven, more often someone else’s favorite rather than her own.

(I learn the hard way that no one is allowed to get in between Imtura and her cupcakes. No one.)

It’s also plain as day whenever they’re on stage together, their set list a carefully curated show that highlights each member’s strengths without anyone getting overworked. Everyone’s always quick to catch each other whenever they hit snags along the road — there’s a moment in one of the shows when Volari’s mic suddenly gets cut off and Starfury swoops in without missing a beat, a small nod of the former’s head seemingly the only cue he needs, the trust between them implicit.

When I had asked earlier why he’d joined BLADES, Starfury simply shrugged, as if it was no big deal.

“It was by accident. I happened to be at one of their shows and they needed a bass player. We kind of just… worked and we’ve played together ever since.”

But this kind of chemistry doesn’t just happen by accident. No, this is the product of months and months of hard work, of opinions clashing and arguments spanning days before sitting down and realizing it’s not impossible to see eye to eye; it’s battles won and battles lost together, respect earned and trust merited.

To call them just another band seems too small a word almost. Insufficient.

They’re kind of like a family.

(If your typical family involved regular knife and axe-throwing contests, that is.

... it’s best not to ask.)

Tensions are high backstage at Deadwood Festival Grounds.

Volari has been pacing around non-stop. Ellarious looks like she’s using every bit of her willpower not to bite her fingernails. Imtura keeps violently tapping her drumsticks together. Starfury’s got his arms crossed in a corner, brows furrowed.

Graywater is doing a handstand for no apparent reason.

The anxiety is understandable — tonight’s a crucial moment for the band.

With only one more show before the grand finale at Whitetower Stadium, all the bands are doing their best to retain the crowd’s favor, each playing well-established fan favorites, saving the riskier song choices for the finale.

That is, everyone except BLADES.

They’re planning to debut two new songs tonight, both of which written solely by Starfury.

It’s a ballsy move on its own — no one’s exactly itching to drop the ball on their fans this close to the end — but add in the fact that Starfury hasn’t released any solo-written music since the Duskraven fallout and you’ve got the makings of a battle that could either go incredibly right or disastrously wrong.

Let’s back up a bit.

After the Duskraven breakup, Starfury had gone into something of a hiatus (if that’s what you call disappearing off the face of the entertainment industry) before dropping the 13-track self-written album, “Honor,” without prior notice or promotion. Fans were ecstatic to hear from him after his sudden break, but critics were less enthused, calling the album ‘a brash, arrogant attempt at flipping the metaphorical finger at Duskraven that ultimately falls short’, noting the clear absence of Duskraven’s touch in his music — all technicality, no soul.

Starfury’s penned a couple of songs with BLADES since, spanning genres as colorful and diverse as its writers, but there hasn’t been a solo venture since Honor, leaving long-time Starfury fans anxious to hear him take lead again.

Graywater calls everyone into a circle, locking eyes with Starfury as she gives his hand a squeeze.

She makes a speech that I‘m not privy to — but everyone is visibly more resolute after she speaks, each raising their fists to meet in the middle of the circle.

“I’m honored to be on this journey with you all,” I hear Starfury share, a glittering smile spreading on Volari’s lips at the statement.

“I knew you liked us!” he says, crossing the circle to throw an arm around Starfury’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Group hug!” Ellarious laughs and Imtura closes the circle into a solid embrace.

Starfury appears to be in shock — as if this is the first time this has happened — but he recovers quickly, a quietly contented smile on his face.

The last streaks of daylight have disappeared by the time they’re called to stage, the crowd restless from a long afternoon under the blistering heat.

Darkness has fallen.

But then the opening chords to fan-favorite “Murderous Masquerade” cut through the evening air, a flurry of flashing lights bursting through the sky, and the Deadwood comes alive.

Volari takes center stage in his flashy black and gold ensemble, working the crowd with such ease that it’s no question why he’s been dubbed the band’s de facto showman — he’s frankly just mesmerizing to watch.

Next up is “The Priestess and the Warrior,” an epic tale crammed into four and a half minutes of heart-racing drum beats — provided by the insanely talented Imtura — with a tender piano-driven bridge near the close, Ellarious’ heartbreaking vocals driving the whole thing home.

Graywater takes lead in the third number, “Flirting with Monsters,” a delicate neo R&B number that sounds nothing like the title suggests, her earnest, airy vocals lulling you into a comfortable, almost dream-like state as she entices her lover to stay.

The one thing common between the seemingly weird mishmash of genres is Starfury’s steady bassline, providing a much needed thread of cohesion to the set list. Where Volari, Imtura, Graywater, and even Ellarious tackle their music with the raw aggression of fresh blood on stage, Starfury attacks with quiet, seasoned finesse, his expertise evident in tracks like “Watch your back (or I’ll watch it for you)” and “Drakna Queen” — two unconventionally energetic numbers that would be difficult to listen to live if not for Starfury’s sure hand bringing them harmony.

“Alright, we’re gonna slow things down for a bit,” Graywater announces, eyes sparkling with excitement as she looks at Starfury. “Tyril’s got a new song and we want you guys to be the first to hear it.”

By now, I’ve seen enough of Starfury’s performances to say that he’s not a nervous performer. Even in the earlier stages of his career, there was always a quiet assuredness about him — which could have also been easily called arrogance — and while that’s still present now, there’s something different about the way he interacts with the crowd, a sense of humility present in the way he put his hands together and gives them a brief bow before he sits himself in front of the piano.

“I would like to dedicate this to a person very special to me,” he begins, his fingers gentle on the keys, a soft, lilting melody dancing in the air.

(He’s not even the least bit subtle about the way he looks at Graywater.)

“She has reminded me, time and again, that hope and love, when we allow it, can shine the brightest light in the dark.” Graywater shakes her head as if to shrug in nonchalance, but she meets his eyes dead on, her smile beaming with pride.

Turning to the crowd, Starfury adds, “I hope this gives you as much joy as you’ve given me. This one’s called ‘Kilvali.’”

For the next minute, it’s just Starfury and the piano, the world quiet as his voice fills the air. If there was ever any doubt that Starfury had lost his vocal prowess, there wouldn’t be any now. His voice is clear and strong — reaching even the farthest row of people on the music grounds — albeit with a softness now that I’ve never heard from him before, his attachment to his music feeling infinitely more personal.

“All my moments with you are worth whatever pain that came before,” he sings, his voice soaring as the rest of the band join him in the second verse. The performance is even more powerful with the added instrumentation.

Tiny cellphone flashlights illuminate the crowd as they sway their hands in time to the song, the emotion in Starfury’s voice rolling out in waves.

Twitter user @notmxwllbmnt13 sums it up nicely:

SJSKJSJSK TYRIL STARFURY KILLED ME TONIGHT!! ALL!! THE!! FEELS!!

(It really was beautiful.)

The crowd cheers as the song draws to a close, but the battle’s not over yet (as Starfury would tell me himself later) — the true test lying in whether or not his second song proves a testament to his newfound voice in songwriting… or if it’s just a one-time stroke of luck.

“If it’s alright with you, we’d like to play you another new one,” he says and the applause is deafening when he turns over the mic to Volari, the latter pulling him into a one-armed hug before taking to the crowd.

If Duskraven’s interviews post-breakup are to be believed, Starfury has never — not once — written a song that wasn’t intended for himself. (She claimed to have co-written plenty of solos for Starfury, but he allegedly never returned the favor.) A quick glance at his repertoire would make this allegation appear true.

“It is true,” he tells me simply when I bring it up later in the tour bus. (Despite the coolness of his voice, I notice him shift a little in his seat.) “I was... unconfident, extending my words to other artists like that. I was also prideful and arrogant — afraid to face the judgment and criticism of my peers, and for that, I truly am sorry to Kaya. She deserved better from me as a partner.”

It seems Starfury has taken that incident to heart. Listening to “Purple Dreams” with Volari’s teasing falsetto on the forefront, it becomes clear that Starfury wrote this with the former’s vocals in mind, the flirtatious mix of his sassy vocal riffs and playful onstage antics giving the song a delicious, intoxicating energy.

It’s probably the most experimental I’ve heard from Starfury as a writer, both in terms of lyricism and melody.

“I’ve learned a lot this last year, creating music with BLADES,” he explains. “Not only did I find a new perspective on songwriting thanks to them, but my bandmates also gave me the courage to try things outside of my comfort zone and to allow myself to make mistakes. They inspire me.”

Years ago, he was dubbed as stiff and awkward outside of the theater stage, with Duskraven providing all the charm in their partnership, but now, on stage with BLADES — as Volari points his sultry gaze at him, singing his own lyrics to him — Starfury smirks, leaning ever so slightly against the showman as his hands tease along the guitar strings, driving the crowd wild.

It’s clear by the end of the song that Starfury has won over the crowd, and for once, he actually seems to revel in it, his smile beaming as he takes in the applause.

The rest of the band are even more thrilled for him, each leaving their posts to engulf him in another hug.

He doesn’t hesitate this time, allowing the fond gesture in front of their adoring crowd, each of them savoring the quiet moment, and I think, out of all the times I’ve seen Starfury on stage, this has to be my favorite version of him.

In the company of his friends, lifting and supporting each other, Tyril Starfury shines brighter than any star.

“We haven’t talked about what we’re doing after yet,” Starfury admits when I ask him about the future of BLADES after Morella Fest. (Each of the members are also solo artists in their own right, after all.) “But whatever happens at the end of the tour, we’ll always have each other, regardless of whether the band continues or not. I can’t imagine my life without these people now and I hope I never have to.”

He’s smiling as he says this, watching his bandmates fight over the last levenfruit before he excuses himself to join them, Graywater and Ellarious easily making space for him in the dining booth, Volari and Imtura rounding out the little world that now seems completely their own.

This article also appears in BLADES: The Most Ambitious Crossover Event in Morella Music History. You can find the full feature on www - kadethebard - com.

tagging: @sophie-summer ✨

#playchoices #blades of light and shadow #tyril starfury #tyril x mc #playchoices fanfic #reposting bc i am dumb and have a fake external link in the fic that made tumblr hidethis from the tags #bonus hc:#threep is there even tho i didnt get to include him #he’s a stray that just showed up one day and no remembers who fed him first #(it was mal)#but they keep feeding him anyway and he kind of just stays and travels with them #kade has caught each of them talking to threep (when they think no one is looking)#as if the cat could talk back #EDIT: why wont this show up in the tags im stresseddddd #my fic

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piracytheorist · 5 years ago

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Allen & Colin interview (pt.1) summary and tidbits

Because I know y’all are curious ;)

I’m not mentioning everything, because a) it’s in a foreign language for me and I miss stuff, b) I’m not sure what impact it has other than them simply mentioning that stuff in the interview and c) I’m just your average fan with her biases and preferences, some things draw my attention, some don’t. But it was an interesting insight into Colin’s inspirations and work ethic, so I’ll try to mention as much as possible. Also because c’mon it’s Colin and we all want a bit.

If you can and can afford it, I’d suggest supporting Allen on patreon. The work he’s offering is very important, especially in the times we’re currently experiencing.

In the intro, which was recorded after the interview, Allen says: “In this interview, Colin talks about his early life, growing up, having such a wonderful big brother to look up to... Maybe he doesn't say that. You'll have to wait and see.”

There's a lot of laughs in the beginning, as they start getting into the motion of brother interviewing brother. The room they were recording used to be Colin's old bedroom, and Allen asked him where his bed used to be, and almost immediately said "I'm pretty sure the listeners are loving this right now." Hahaha we are.

Colin kept a bit to himself when he was a teenager. He drew a lot and played the guitar, he was introverted when he got into the whole theater thing.

Real artistic, so, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be a musician or an artist, but when he started theater he eventually realized it was theater he wanted above all. Dude. If only we all were so widely talented and had so many opportunities to choose from XD

Honorable detailed mention: Allen mentions how amazed he was by Colin's talent. He remembers one time he was looking after Colin (he said it was about six months after Colin had started learning guitar, and iirc that was when he was 11) and he (Allen) had also recently started, and was trying hard to learn some chords. He heard some Led Zeppelin from Colin's room and was like "Oh he's listening to Led Zeppelin," then he went to his room and he realized it was actually Colin, playing Stairway to Heaven. And he still remembers! What a proud bro, we stan.

Colin learned a lot of music by ear. It was more practical than technical stuff that he worked on. He's very humble about his guitar playing, too.

They talked a bit about playing music with emotion and how sometimes people who concentrate a lot on technique don't use any emotion, and as a musician myself I've seen this a lot, where people focus too much on teaching technique that the result comes off completely emotionless. Though, I mean, I'm trained in classical music, and that's heavily based on building technique, so I can’t say you shouldn’t work on technique, but there are many ways of playing music and so many genres, and there is a healthy balance between technique and emotion, and depending on the style you're playing technique can be applied (or is needed) accordingly.

Colin talked about how he had piano lessons when he was young, and he remembers how the place where he had lessons creeped him out (he laughed at that), so that along with the heavy focus on technique discouraged him, but he wishes he was able to play it.

Don’t we all

He remembers Michael Jackson being one of his first inspirations for music. He remembers Thriller was the first vinyl he got, though the very first music that he bought was a cassette from Huey Lewis and the News - after he had his communion. Gotta say I appreciate the attention to detail XD

Colin: I used to listen to Michael Jackson non-stop. Allen: You did.

I can picture Allen nodding as he said that XD

The first concert he went to was of Jackson's Bad (I think), when he was seven! It was Allen's first concert too.

Their dad used to listen to a lot of Rory Gallagher, Led Zeppelin and Pearl Jam and those became Colin's favourite music to play. Especially Rory Gallagher. He and their mom also used to play in bands, and there was a lot of music in the house in general and Colin said all that contributed to his inclination in music.

He said how once he was an adult, Helen was his biggest supporter in what he did. WE STAN. That meant a lot to him, especially when as a starting actor there'd be times he wouldn't have a job for a long time, but the support from Helen and the rest of his family in general meant a lot to him.

Then they talked about people who used to tell him that he was lucky to have the band (The Enemies) as a job, but how that wasn't luck, it was based on work he did for years before he could go out on stage with them. And again, can confirm, there's a lot of work put behind any decent and above musical performance, it can be as hard as any job, especially when you have to pack up and go to a different place, set up, rehearse, perform, pack it all up and come home late. It's just that the crowd sees only the entertainment part it gets, and doesn't know the work behind it, so a lot of time they don't appreciate it as such.

It's just... I feel that, a lot, you know? Yes, music is fun and we love it, but performing it for a crowd ain't no game.

Colin compared that to acting, with how people see the end result as a snapshot of the entire work behind it, same way we don't see a lot of the work behind professions we don't know about - Colin mentioned an electrician, for example.

I think he’d shared this story before or something about it, but he talked about his very first touch with theater; he’d gone to the youth theater to meet with his friends - just to meet them, and they were rehearsing a play but one actor was missing, so they asked him to read in for him that day. At first Colin was like “No way” but eventually they convinced him.

That first experience made him realize he could pretend to be anyone he wanted to be and it gave him a newfound confidence. At the time he wasn't playing the guitar publicly, only in his room, and playing in the theater gave him the confidence he didn't have with the guitar at the time, because in the theater he was putting his character out there, not himself.

I think it's interesting how he talks about acting; he mentioned "putting on a skin". And I think, seeing the variety of characters he has portrayed, and how invested you can feel he is during filming, and then seeing him... "collected" in cons and interviews, and not very active in social media... I think "putting on a skin" fits perfectly the way he does it. And I think it's part of why I love his acting, and why his characters feel so different from each other; it's full-on becoming and feeling like another person, not simply acting like one.

His theater group went to the Olivier Theatre in London (for a competition, if I got that right), and they got a standing ovation for their play, and it was then that Colin thought that he could really invest and make a living out of acting. He was about 15-16 at the time.

Again, standing ovation => confidence goes through the roof, can confirm.

It was there that his group won an award, and it was Colin who received that from Anthony Minghella, the director of The English Patient, and Allen said that Minghella said Colin was amazing. a) bruh can you imagine and b) what a proud brother!

Colin said how he was already interested in animation and special effects, and the whole act of making a movie, so even as an actor he still likes wandering around sets and getting to see how they're all made and built, even sets he's not part of. Again he talked about how much is done behind the scenes that the audience never gets to see.

Even from his experience in the Olivier Theatre, Colin already had the ideology that in drama, it was about the group, the team, and not about himself, and he's followed that to the present. He talked about how acting is just one part of a production, and it takes hard work from many people of different professions working together to get to that.

Like, he's so conscious and so respectful of what is behind the scenes of a production and how important everyone is... and like, I feel that says a lot about the humility we see of him, the way he treats his job as any other job, and the way a lot of his co-workers talk with such respect about him. Like, when you respect everything, from the basis to every little cogwheel that make a film and always take the opportunity to learn anything you can from your co-workers...

I love him so much.

He mentioned how his grandmother was a big influence for him too, back in the fourties she’d gone to London to study producing, so he says subconsciously there was always an influence towards drama in his family.

"You can't complain about having a disillusioned bunch of teenagers or kids causing trouble if you're not willing to invest [in their future], to help them realize [their potential]." He said that as part of how that one evening in the youth theater changed his life, and how having the chance to have a safe space to express himself, that being the theater, played such an important part in his life and the lives of pretty much everyone who had taken part in it. And how things like that, giving children the chance to explore hobbies and things they like, can have such a positive impact on their lives and futures.

So that’s for the first part! I hope it was all clear :D

#Colin O'Donoghue #Allen & Colin interview

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shardminds · 5 years ago

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wild animal (livin’ like a fine young cannibal)

pairing: emma swan/killian jones rating: t (maybe light m) wc: 2200 and some change

An abandoned warehouse wouldn't be Emma's first choice for a date location. Killian finds a way to convince her otherwise.

work has been stressing me out and i have a million and one things to work on (i’m looking at you csss part 3!) but this crawled its way out of my brain, massively enabled by @darkcolinodonorgasm and further encouraged by @artistic-writer (who made this beautiful cover! isn’t it great? i’ve never had a fic cover before! i’m still emotional about it). thank you, ladies! this is essentially the blood rave scene from blade only with less violence and more kissing.

tagging: @thisonesatellite @teamhook @kmomof4 @superchocovian@itsfabianadocarmo @killianjonesownsmyheart1 and, if you wanna be added or removed from this list, just gimme a shout!

available on ao3 ♠

He’d told her to dress, as he so bluntly phrased it, good enough to eat. She’d tried her best to adhere to the code, pairing her favourite leather mini skirt and a thin camisole with fuck-me heels and fishnets. She’d foregone a jacket, knowing that Killian would lend her his if the chill became too much. The way his leather hangs off her, arms just slightly too long but still soft and worn, is one of the pros of having a boyfriend impervious to the cold. Regardless, the main appeal of her outfit isn’t practicality, it’s the fact that at least three of the souvenirs Killian has blessed her with are proudly on show—one at the juncture of her neck, another on her inner wrist, and another just peeking from beneath the hem of her skirt. They catch in the streetlights, glowing temporarily in the luminescence as her Uber trails the city streets, en route to the address he’d texted. There are others, countless others, along her ribs, her breasts, her thighs, faint scars she’d asked him for, a curse on his breath every time she did.

Emma never thought she’d be into it, the territorial possession that comes with having a vampire for a lover, that is. In the past, she rebuffed it, not willing to be taken as anyone’s property, human or otherwise. She’d told Killian the same, at first, unafraid of the fangs he flashed with each smirk. He respected her wishes, kept his distance, with the promise of forever in his eyes and one night on his lips. Over time, something about him drew her in, no glamour or coercion, just… something else, a kind of other that intrigued her, in the depth of his eyes and that knowing smile.

Then again, she’s always had a thing for older guys.

Three arduous weeks later, she’d fucked him in the bathroom stall of a club she can’t remember the name of and delighted in the awestruck look on his face as she sank to her knees before him.

It’s a fond memory.

And it was never just one night.

The warehouse is shady at best, murderous at worst, and Killian greets her at the entrance. Everything about him is appealing, from the artful dishevelment of his hair and the dark silk of his shirt, right down to the snug fit of his jeans and that same promise in his eyes. Eternity looks fucking amazing on him, and he knows. At this point, he could wear nothing but a bedsheet and he’d still be the most attractive being she’s ever seen—in fact, she might prefer that. Maybe later, if they make it home.

“I see you took the dress code to heart, love.” He drawls, his eternal smirk present, pulling her in by the waist for a searing kiss. Searing is an understatement, really. Each time he brings her in like this, close enough that she can taste his hunger—iron and ash—masked by the sweetness of rum just before their lips touch, she can feel parts of herself float away. The tensions and stresses from her day dissipate against his mouth, lost in each breath between them. Killian is a fantastic kisser and, as her tongue catches on the point of a fang, she knows that he knows it.

“Hello to you too.” Fighting off breathlessness, Emma pulls away. They won’t make it to whatever it is he has planned if they keep kissing like that. The urge to call another Uber back home already far too prevalent in her mind. It would be so easy, like every other time, just falling into bed with him.

He laughs, keeping his hand at her waist but allowing space between them. “I missed you.”

“You saw me this morning,” She adds, a smile playing at her lips. Instead of pulling away and taking his hand like she usually does, Emma decides against taking him up on the offer of space. “I’ve been wondering about your date night plan all day.”

“It’s... unconventional, to say the least.”

She shrugs, lacing their fingers together. “So are we.”

“Right you are, lass.” Killian’s smile takes her by surprise. It’s not his usual, cocky, self-assured grin. It’s pride, admiration and something warmer that settles in her stomach when she catches it. She pushes it aside, saving it for later as Killian meets her for another brief kiss. “Shall we?”

The warehouse itself is empty, a cavernous space with a creaking steel frame and concrete floors. Each step she takes causes an echo; each breath leaves a puff of condensation in the frigid air. Killian doesn’t seem swayed by this and walks them both across the expanse to a giant metal door, taking the rusted lever in hand and twisting it open with minimal exertion. It groans, hinges protesting as it creeps open, to reveal the cacophony of noise behind it. Thudding bass and warped vocals swelling and falling in time to the heavy beat. Upon entry, they’re met with writhing bodies, lost in the rhythm, crammed into what was once probably an industrial standard cold store. Despite everything, they make way for Killian to enter.

Suddenly, Emma feels decidedly overdressed.

“A rave?” She has to shout to make herself heard, although, come to think of it, Killian probably has no trouble hearing her at all, regardless of the party going on around them. “I never expected this to be your kind of thing.”

He winks then, before pulling her against him, his chest to her back. Emma’s breath catches in her throat, a moan prepared to escape at a second’s notice. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Swan.”

Like that, pressed together so close she can feel every breath he takes, she allows herself to get lost, the white noise numbing her senses to their basest needs. Him. Each time she pushes back, he rocks forward, eliciting the most delicious feelings from deep within. It’s intoxicating, being with him. Not the blood, nor the sex. Just being. Waking up to his touch, falling asleep to his breathing, making coffee, getting breakfast, talking, dancing—the small things. It’s always the small things. He treats her with veneration, a kind of reverence that no one else has, and—as much as she wishes she could deny it, that she could walk away from all this and still be the same old Emma—he’s changed her so irreversibly, she’s not sure what her life would be without him in it.

They’re being watched—no, she’s being watched. Eyes follow them—her as she moves, letting the music take her wherever it will. It courses through her like a second heartbeat, and the voyeurism of it all, familiar and unfamiliar faces flitting back to them—her as Killian trail’s his hands all over, his lips fused to her neck—it’s a heady mix. Whatever he’s got planned, whatever happens next, Emma knows that she’ll be sore in the morning. In the best way, of course. Freshly fucked and freshly drained.

The music never seems to change, the pulse of it thrumming beneath her skin until she can feel the drop coming, inching closer until it reaches its peak. Her stomach falls along with it. He whispers in her ear, but she can’t make sense of his words, falling deaf in favour of the music around them. The caress of his lips on her lobe has her arching back, pressing her ass against him in a tease. She can feel how ready he is, solid against her as she grinds back into him.

The guttural snarl, she can feel, reverberating through his chest on a silenced down beat. His hands go to her wrists, grasping them and tracing his fingertips up her thighs and over her stomach, devilishly slow, one catching over her nipple as he passes over her chest, continuing higher and higher until they’re held above her head, high in the air, alongside everyone else’s on the dancefloor. The music builds and builds and builds, heavy and palpable between them, cementing everyone together in one single goal: to dance. Killian presses a kiss to her ear, tongue darting out to tease as the music pauses for a second in the build-up to yet another drop.

“Don’t be afraid.”

Then the world goes red and she screams.

Cheers erupt from around them as blood pours from the ceiling, sprinkling over the patrons below like a downpour after a drought. The crowd synchronise, palms to the sky, heads tilted back, mouths wide open and jumping along to the discordant thumping as they get their fill of the life source they’re being drowned in. It tastes like iron and chemicals, tacky and cool to the touch, nothing like what Killian had described when he tasted her. He’d compared her to fine wine, to love and sex and everything he missed of being human. Her hands, still held in the air by his grasp, are lined with rivulets of red, each one making its path wherever gravity may take it. The taboo of it has her shivering. Pulling her wrists free and turning to look upon his face, she places her palms on his chest.

It’s chaos.

He’s smiling. A wicked smile, white teeth and dark eyes. He could kill her right now. The recognition of that immediate danger only makes it so much better when he steps closer, eradicating the distance between them.

Fuck.

She wants him, needs him, and when he leans to lick a stripe up her cheek to catch the dripping ichor there, she moans, losing herself to the sensation. He’s a monster and she can’t get enough. In all her life, she’d never anticipated that she’d enjoy such publicly lewd displays of affection but, as Killian laps at the pool of blood gathered above her clavicle, she could not give less of a shit about the hundreds of prying eyes in the room. It’s euphoric, feeling him hard against her as he feeds, taking his fill from the blood trailing over her skin. The familiar lick of her arousal curls low in her belly, demanding to be felt.

She can't stand it—the absence of his lips against hers, tracing over every piece of exposed flesh except the place she wants him most, the chill it brings, the pleasure it ignites within her. There's nothing quite like it. It’s infuriating, maddening, and it reduces her to nothing more than a whimpering mess as his tongue makes its way back up her neck and along her jaw. He comes to a halt there, pausing and pulling back to take her in. He’s fucked, hair soaked through in the initial pandemonium of the bloodbath, eyes glossy and intense but not as dark as they had been earlier, his ocean blue peering through—it only goes to prove the effect he sustenance he’d laved from her flesh is having. He’s covered in blood, completely drenched with it and he’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen. Even like this, surrounded by creatures of nightmare and legend, she can’t help but crave him. With lips parted, he leans in to give her what she desires.

“I fucking love you.” It’s a whisper against her lips, punctuated with fangs tugging on the plump skin there and—well, Emma can’t help herself. It’s not the first time he’s said it and it won’t be the last. Killian Jones has walked the earth for three centuries. He kisses with purpose, fucks with passion and loves unconditionally and Emma Swan, with almost three decades under her belt, can’t find the words to say it back. Not yet. Instead, she throws her arms around his neck, finding his lips with a kiss as the blood rain falls around them and the tantalizing beat drives the crowd.

The kiss is wild; deep, needy and feral in its urgency. It’s fangs and moans and tongues and teeth. It’s messy, the cloying copper taste of blood still lingering between them. It’s perfect.

Before Emma can even think to protest, Killian’s hoisting her up, lifting until her legs are securely wrapped around his waist. Tonight was not the night to wear a skirt but Emma can’t bring herself to regret it. She can already feel it riding up, threatening to expose her ass to the crowd. It’s a blessing she’d opted to wear underwear at all, especially knowing that Killian has a habit of tearing them off in his haste to get to her core. The sharp scratch of his fangs against her bottom lip snaps them both out of their lustful haze for just long enough for Emma to know without words what it is he wants. His gaze, hungry as ever, flits to her chest.

Her shirt’s gone in seconds, torn off by her own impatient hands and his dexterous ones. It comes away in two pieces, thrown aside without a care, revealing the black lace of her bra beneath. It had cost her thirty dollars but, sat at his waist, skin tinted red with the sanguine rainfall, Emma can't bring herself to care. The caress of sharp fangs against the swell of her breast, edging her closer and closer to madness yet grounding her at the same time, tethering her to him, is almost too much. She needs the bite just as much as he does. The call of it strikes deep in her bones, screaming for him. She used to be ashamed of it, fearing just how much she enjoys his deadly kiss, but those memories are all but dust now. In their place, only want.

When he takes one look at her, right before his enamelled canines pierce her skin, she's lost to him.

#cs fic #cs ff #captain swan #captain swan fic #captain swan fanfiction #ficminds #legit just gimme vampire killian jones forever #i'm not lying #warnings on ao3!

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uwunnie · 5 years ago

Text

Updates (December 17, 6:30 PM US Mountain Time)

There’s a lot to unpack, so let’s get into it.

Voting:

Seoul Music Awards

Android link

Apple link

3 votes daily

Voting ends January 22, 2020

Global Disk Awards

App link

3 daily votes & 2 additional votes if you share the link (there’s full instructions on the link)

Voting ends December 27, 2019

Global Golden Hands (fan-video for Wonho)

Stream the video

There’s also a poll on their YouTube channel page, I think, but I can’t pull it up from my app right now.

Voting ends December 20, 2019

HoneyPop Artist of the Year

Vote here

Twitter: #VoteTHPMonstaX

Voting ends December 20, 2019 - 11:59 PM EST

Idol Champ (Best Song)

Download app

I think you get 30 votes per day

This ends today, but I’m pretty sure there’s always new categories to vote in.

Streaming:

Middle of the Night

Follow and Someone’s Someone on Spotify (Spotify Awards)

Follow performance (MAMA 2019)

Forever & Never Die (MAMA 2019)

MX Moments (MAMA 2019)

⚠️ Remember to not skip ads nor put the videos on the mute. Do not replay otherwise the algorithm thinks you’re a bot. Watch the entire video - especially the mv - without pausing or skipping. Don’t play Spotify songs on loop, and listen to at least 30 seconds otherwise it won’t count. ⚠️

Twotuckgom videos:

I made a playlist of all the recent ttg videos. Please stream them! Minhyuk has mentioned that he wishes there were more views so that they could gain more publicity, so let’s stream them for him and all of OT7!

Playlist here.

Concerts:

Japanese MBB did the OT7 fan chant at MX’s most recent show in Japan.

At one of the recent shows, MBBs holding Wonho slogans and signs were encouraged by the boys to raise them higher.

If I’m correct, I believe Jooheon actually had a ment where he encouraged MBB to raise their signs up. He mentioned that the signs were very beautiful and that he wanted to see them and asked MBB to raise them up one more time. He didn’t specify exactly which signs, but it’s pretty easy to assume he was referring to the Wonho ones because of him mentioning he noticed MBB were hesitant to hold them up and MBB tweeting from that show explained how the ones holding Wonho signs were afraid of holding them up because they didn’t know if they could.

@joohoneybunch created an OT7 fan chant for their final jingle performance and I believe mbb used it

I think that may be it for concerts.

Appearances:

Going back a bit, Monsta X won two awards at MAMA 2019.

Fast-forwarding to more recent events, the active members went to the US for Jingle Ball and it wasn’t too chaotic.

Changkyun said Monsta Truck is about a truck for Monbebe that he wants us all to get on..sure, yeah, def.

When prompted to answer what MBB have taught MX, Minhyuk said ‘love,’ Hyungwon said ‘live,’ and Shownu said ‘dougie.’

They appeared on Ryan & Kelley.

Their B96 interviews are up!

Here’s a Spotify link, but I think there’s videos up on YouTube as well - especially their performances.

VLives were done.

Jooheon had fallen ill prior to coming to the US, but he’s since returned and informed everyone at the last US concert that he’s okay. In addition, at one of the recent shows, he said how MBB have been his strength for getting through his mental and physical sickness.

Back in SK, ISAC commenced and it was...chaotic good?

MX was two hours late - I presume because they had just flown in from America and went directly to ISAC.

MBBs attending ISAC fell asleep while waiting and one of the managers told them to wake up because it was “time to support.” 🥺

MBB said the food provided didn’t taste good.

Minhyuk told MBB to go home and rest.

MX only participated in the categories they had to - I think they were hoping to get banned tbh.

Despite their semi-obvious efforts to lose, MX ended up going to finals.

In addition, despite their efforts to lose and the fact that they had absolutely zero practice beforehand, arrived late, and just came back from the US with probably less than four hours of sleep - they won second place overall.

Hyungwon wore this shirt:

Kihyun basically dyed his hair blue after MBB talked about it on fc.

They’re aware of everything we’ve adopted and bought for them.

SBS/KBS:

The top two major news angencies played OT7 footage when talking about MX. This is very unusual, but a good sign because usually when an idol is terminated and/or no longer respected, they get blurred from footage or cropped out, but there was actually a Wonho focus throughout most of the broadcasts’ durations.

This could hint that the general public no longer views him negatively.

In addition to new merch for the active members, from my understanding, Twotuckgom has also restocked old Bebegom products, and continues putting a small BBG in the comics.

They also had one comic in particular that showcased one of the goms as a magician who is looking for the ‘rabbit in its hat.’ When it looks inside it’s hat, there’s another gom dresser as a bunny lifting weights with a little BBG hidden in the background. I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like they’re finding Bebegom like we’re finding Wonho.

TTG’s Twitter also retweeted a rendition that a MBB made of the goms involved in the The Ugly Duckling (I think?) fairytale. Basically, Bebegom leaves because it doesn’t feel like it belongs and the other goms search everywhere until they find each other again.

There are projects going on, but I’m not going to post about any until I research them. There’s certain groups I do not support because their intentions are ill, but they hide behind a sort of..veil. When I get time to properly look into everything, I’ll make a post.

Searches have been cleared for the most part, but please continue a little bit more since some bad things still pop up when searching certain members.

Interesting things are happening with the 🐍🐍, but I’m not going to talk about it publicly. Maybe at some point I’ll release a post, but not until more info emerges.

In the meantime, please refrain from leaving negative comments on either of their social profiles. Don’t make posts, either - even if you think your profile is small enough that no one will see. Trust me, eyes are everywhere and a negative post on an account with so much as 0 followers will still pop up and travel like one for someone with 1000 followers.

I think this pretty much sums up what’s been happening as of late. Sorry for being slow - all of this occurred during finals, so I didn’t really have a lot of time to make long posts. Now that I’m on break for a month, I’ll catch up with the recaps and go back to the steady updates.

Continue with your efforts and try to ignore the hypocrites who continue spewing toxicity despite spreading positive mantras.

Honestly, Monbebes have accomplished a lot and made steps towards a positive change in both the industry and the world. In addition, at the end of the day, our goal isn’t to please other fandoms, but win justice for Wonho and other artists who have been wronged, as well as prevent the wrongdoings from incoming and current trainees.

Be proud of being part of the “sticky-note fandom” because regardless of other people’s opinions, we’re not only inspiring and demanding change, but succeeding in doing so.

#monsta x #wonho #shownu #minhyuk #kihyun #hyungwon #jooheon #changkyun #updates #monbebe #im #joohoney #my favorite thing about inserting 'read more' links from desktop is that all of the color coding i did on mobile disappears lol #anyways #i scheduled this to post at the wrong time so v sorry lol #i also didn't proof read so sorry if there's grammar errors lol i'm tired

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nyrator · 4 years ago

Text

Some more art thoughts and ramblings, about Rotten Nyan and anxiety again.

Man, anxiety is weird. Been reflecting on it again today while trying to draw the first RN-related thing in a while.

I think one factor in it is the weird mindset I get into when drawing Lave, especially Middle Lave. This comic I feel is a good reference to what I mean:

https://www.awkwardzombie.com/comic/creative-expression

Except, instead of just facial expressions, it’s emotions, too. How tense my body gets, how much my heart aches- I subconsciously feel these things when trying to draw a character feeling them. And Middle Lave is always that- extremely tense, paranoid, heart racing, wanting to vomit mindset. And I wonder how I can ease off on my body while still retaining the ability to draw the things I’d like to draw. It’s very, very uncomfortable to feel that way again, maybe moreso because I lived it once.

Another factor is of course ability. My artwork I feel has improved- I’m somewhat proud of the latest console / Madotsuki artwork stuff I’ve done, it’s starting to click more and more it feels. But then there are the things I don’t know that cause me a lot of anxiety- Paneling, pacing, filling in negative space, shading, things like that. I tend to be very critical on myself in that regard, and I end up being too scared to work on something because I haven’t “figured out” how to fix those issues that made me stop.

Of course, the only way to improve is to keep drawing, so that’s what I should do. I just wish I could do things to my level of perfection, I suppose, but that’s unreasonable honestly. I just hope people can still enjoy these imperfect things.

Ideas also don’t help- I used to brainstorm a lot, come up with pages and pages of notes for my projects. Story ideas are always the hardest to come by, though. And after RN, taking such a deep look into myself, it’s made brainstorming harder, because I just think of things I’d rather not, and I’m too scared to even try thinking of any new project ideas- I’ve left too many old ones unfinished already, I know nothing I create will be finished and I need to finish at least one of my old projects, I still love them.

The main factor I’ve been thinking of today is self-consciousness. There’s a lot of connections in my mind- web of links, how things are related in terms of who I am as an artist and a person. The friends and followers I have, for example. I have relatively few, but I appreciate the people who do go out of their way to pay attention to me, be it following, liking things, or even just repeated lurking check-ins. And I think I’m scared to lose any of that with my actions- The things I want to make going against what people follow me for, if that makes sense. And overall, I know that it’s my content, real friends and such would stick around, but at the same time, I’m still scared of people thinking differently of me, or posting content that deeply hurts those around me.

I think of how to go about it- I’ve thought about making a different alias, completely separated from Nyrator. Somewhere I can do things without discretion, make whatever I want- Except, there’s one issue. All I want to draw are my original characters and ideas, and they are uniquely connected to me- there’ll always be a line drawn from those characters back to Nyrator. I don’t want to make new characters and I don’t like making fanart, but it’s already public info on how these characters are related to me, so I might as well post them on my own blogs.

I’ve thought about making a more sensitive-content kind of place, not exactly an NSFW blog or anything (I don’t like that kind of stuff personally, though I think some of my ideas would probably be considered fetish art or at least mature or something), but a more dedicated “not safe for mental health” blog, I guess. I do have RN on it’s own tumblr blog, and I keep debating if I should separate the twitter as well. But I don’t think that solves the problem of the fear of losing people close to me, pushing them away or hurting them- those close to me will still be reading it, still be seeing this part of me I don’t want to be associated with.

I was looking at Nagata Kabi’s art today after getting lost a bit on Pinterest. And of course, the grass is always greener, and I know she suffers as well. But I still admire her ability to share such personal things about her life, and to just openly draw these kinds of things- the things she draws, both manga and not, are very similar to the kind of stuff I want to draw. Personal things, the bad things in life, cute things with plush animals with depressed people, uncomfortably child-like adults, as well as darker things. I spoke with someone about it, and they made me realize just how incredibly strong she is to be able to post these things publicly as herself.

I’m amazed at many Japanese artists’ ability to be very open about the content they make, even the risque or looked-down upon things. I think of what would happen if I tried drawing Nyans like that, and I feel sick at the pressure. I don’t know what’s the right thing to draw. It’s easy to say the right thing is “what I want to draw”, but then I think of how much lingering sickness I always feel immediately afterward, and wonder, is it worth it? Lave had many personal issues that I debate drawing, but does my current audience want to see it? That one Violation picture for example- flashing dirty underwear. I like how the picture came out a lot, but the content of it makes me want to throw up so much from anxiety and self-disrespect, it’s too close to some fetish artwork, and I just think ‘people do not want or need to see this’.

It might be because I have a mix of friends- the ‘tumblr’ people, the ‘chan’ people, and so on- so long as they’re a relatively decent and reasonable person, I enjoy them. Some people have no stigma when it comes to content, some people have the common internet ones (like furry/fetish art for example), some people have much higher standards- and it feels like those people are the norm nowadays, at least around me. It almost feels like I’m split sometimes. I like free expression and think art is a medium where anything can be made (the only thing I’m really against is anything that uses the likeness of an actual person for nefarious purposes, particularly of younger people, and even then I have no real power to stop people making anything they want to make). At the same time, I need to respect the people who follow me as well, you know?

Maybe I’m just scared of being looked down upon, or judged for the things I draw. I do very little to maintain what little connections I have already, and I really don’t want to push people away (nor do I want to guilt people into staying, either). Art life is a hard life.

#text stuffs #nyrants

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raendown · 5 years ago

Link

Pairing: MadaraTobirama Word count: 3739 Chapter: 19/? Summary: Not all wars are fought on the battlefield. Some are fought at the conference table, with whispers in the shadows, or even in the bedroom.

In a world where the Senju and Uchiha traditional lands were too far apart to have ever made them enemies, Butsuma and Tajima are the ones who come together and sign a treaty of peace. Madara isn’t happy to have his life signed away for him in a political marriage to strengthen the bond between their clans. He is even less happy to have Tobirama make assumptions of him from their very first night together. What follows from there is a journey of healing, of learning, and finding the places to belong in the places least expected.

Follow the link or read it under the cut!

KO-FI and commission info in the header!

Chapter 19

He tried to stay at home and wait patiently for Tobirama to come back, he really did. After his time away the man deserved a chance to reunite with his precious ones in private. Unfortunately the encounter with his father had left Madara antsy and his stomach felt tight from the need to share this with his husband. Not saying anything felt like keeping secrets and even though he had no intentions of actually keeping this to himself, obviously planned to bring it up as soon as Tobirama returned, that apparently wasn’t enough for the heavy lead ball that had replaced his heart.

Less than an hour and several anxious circuits around their living room later and he was out the door again with a scowl on his face that sent many people scrambling to get out of his way. Even as he wound through the streets of the Uchiha compound Madara told himself he was being stupid but he couldn’t seem to convince himself to turn around.

Not many people gave him a second look once he made his way in to the Senju compound. Several more people sent him respectful nods than he used to get here and despite being distracted with the heavy issue on his mind he still found a moment to swell with pride. It was nice to see more and more people in the village acknowledging him with respect the way his own clan did.

Tobirama’s chakra wasn’t hard to find and it was no surprise that he would visit Touka first. Actions speak louder than words but words had their own power and Madara had noticed that his husband brought up Touka in casual conversation much more often than he did Hashirama. Clearly he was closer to his cousin than his brother. The idea was a little hard for someone like Madara to wrap his head around who had no idea which of the fatherless brats in the Uchiha clans were his cousins but had almost made an art form out of the protective older sibling routine. It wasn’t for him to judge though.

So focused on his mission was he that Madara very nearly waltzed straight in to the home without even bothering to knock, stopping himself at the last second and freezing in place. Though he was more than certain if it came down to it he could defeat Touka in battle he wasn’t really up for volunteering to fight her on her own turf. He had seen her on the sparring fields enough times to know how much damage she could do to him on the way down and that wasn’t something he wanted to deal with just then. Very carefully he took a step back and knocked on the door, forcing himself to wait politely until the barrier opened to reveal Tobirama with his brows drawn inward.

“I felt you approaching but I assumed you wished to see Hashirama. Is something wrong?”

“Ah…a little…” Madara cleared his throat when he saw Touka appear at the end of the hallway. “Since I know you’ll share whatever I say with her perhaps I might come in and you can both hear what happened at the same time.”

“Yeah whatever, let him in.” Her voice was deep and rich, apparently, when she wasn’t snapping out commands to the rest of the security teams.

The two of them had worked together quite a bit since Madara was assigned head of security but despite the obvious connection between them they’d never made any attempts to discuss personal matters, keeping their conversations entirely professional and always making sure there was a witness in the room with them whenever possible. It was no secret that Touka had very little warm feelings for him.

His first glimpse of the home’s interior was an odd sort of surprise. In a weird way he had expected the upstairs to resemble the laboratory downstairs, cold and minimal, but instead he found a warm cozy little nest with tasteful decorations and artwork on the wall that immediately prompted a mental note to ask for the artist’s name later. Touka gave him a long, slow look before waving him towards a single armchair but Tobirama pulled him down on to the couch with a roll of his eyes and made a point of sitting close enough for their clothing to brush together.

“So, tell me.” Touka lifted the tea she must have been enjoying before he arrived. “What was so important that you needed to come interrupt our private conversation?”

“It’s about Tajima.” All traces of ire slipped away from her face instantly, replaced with a blank slate. From the many meetings they had attended together he recognized the look of a soldier awaiting details and withholding judgment.

“Go on.”

“He got to Izuna before I did this morning and he did not take the news of my brother’s injury very well. Long story short he’s going to be kicking up some sort of fuss but I don’t know when and I don’t know what. What I can tell you is that he’s a dramatic bitch with an unfortunate amount of brains.” Madara pinched his lips together with a sigh. “Actually that could describe a lot of Uchiha.”

Beside him Tobirama’s hand had disappeared inside the clothing Madara had been so proud to see him wearing earlier and came back out holding a small notebook. “I believe we’re going to need that longer story.”

Telling them what happened didn’t take much time. Answering all the questions both of them fired at him one after the other took several times longer than that. He found himself a little surprised that most of Touka’s questions focused on Tajima’s tone or how he held himself when he said what he did but when he asked later she told him it was because she already knew Tobirama would be asking the other important questions. Questions like thought patterns, how he had reacted to similar things in the past, what Madara thought his father meant by specific turns of phrase.

And most importantly: what he thought they should do about it.

Unfortunately that was one question he wasn’t at all sure how to answer. How to react all depended on what Tajima decided to do in the face of what he saw as a betrayal. It also depended on how much support Tajima could count on from the people of Konoha or the high council members. Sadly, he also had trouble predicting which side of the fence Izuna would come down on. If it came to the option of splitting the Uchiha off from the venture they had been a part of setting in motion Madara honestly couldn’t say what his brother would do. The man hadn’t exactly integrated with any grace.

“So this is basically a wait and see situation?” Touka summed up after the questions had been flying for a while. Madara grunted.

“Just don’t hold your breath. He can be patient when he needs to.”

“We’ll be ready whenever he decides to move,” Tobirama said, placing one of his hands over Madara's and squeezing reassuringly. He wasn’t about to mention it in front of other company but Madara actually found it more reassuring that his husband chose to leave their hands linked together. It seemed oddly intimate from what he had seen of Senju practices but then he supposed that Tobirama considered Touka’s presence still private enough for such displays.

He himself wasn’t all that comfortable with Touka in particular but he had been raised in a clan that saw nothing wrong with publicly expressing themselves so he saw no reason to encourage Tobirama to remove his grip. The firm grip was steadying and it felt nice to have that small weight on the back of his own hand, a small connection to another human being. It was also just distracting enough that he almost missed the dismissive tone in Touka’s voice when she spoke again, a rookie mistake from such a well-trained shinobi as himself.

“Much as I’m sure we both appreciate you bringing this up as soon as possible, I believe I’d like to go back to speaking with my cousin now. He was mine a long time before he was yours.” She lifted one eyebrow in a challenge that he was already puffing up in response to when Tobirama snorted.

“You’ve gone longer without seeing me in the past,” he pointed out, “and you know very well I was leaving soon anyway to go speak with Hashirama about the situation surrounding the Daimyo.”

“Shouldn’t you report that to your father first?” Madara asked. Surprisingly, his husband only shrugged in a careless manner.

“I sent a mission report to him this morning before you woke up, he’s aware of what happened. Anija will have ten times the number of questions to ask. Better to get him out of the way first.” The wrinkled in Tobirama’s nose said he was not looking forward to fielding all those questions.

And what sort of husband would Madara be if he allowed to man to face such horrors alone? “You wouldn’t mind if I came with you to Hashirama's?”

“You didn’t get your fill of his company while I was gone?”

“Well…” Madara cleared his throat and looked away.

Sensing weakness, Touka zeroed in on him like a shark and threw him under the bridge without mercy. “How could he enjoy anyone’s company when he spent most of that time moping at home?”

Flushing in a way that made it very obvious he had something to hide, Madara cleared his throat and hurried to suggest they get a move on over to Hashirama's house. He was very careful not to study the expression on Tobirama’s face while they all stood up. Things had been moving in to uncharted waters between them lately and even he wasn’t sure how he would have liked Tobirama to react to the fact that Madara had missed him while he was away.

The journey over to Hashirama's was short, just a quick jaunt across the backyard, but the man’s expression was priceless to see them all trooping in together. It occurred to Madara that probably some of them were meant to be at work this morning but he could not have cared less. Surely the village could survive some of them being late every so often and if Hashirama was already late to work then he could stand to be a little later in favor of hearing some important news.

News that Madara was not supposed to be sharing with anyone. He should probably warn them all to keep their mouths shut.

Surprisingly, Hashirama listened to the story with a lot more calm than any of them expected. Sometimes Madara forgot that underneath the smiling carefree personality he preferred to show his friends was the serious heart of the warrior who had been dubbed the God of Shinobi even at such a young age. His reaction to the potential threat of Tajima starting a civil war in the small haven of peaceful living they had only created a few months before was to sit back with a serious face so rarely seen off of the battlefield and hum in thought.

“I will not let him hurt anyone.” The finality of his voice left no room for doubt. If Hashirama said he would not allow it then it would not happen.

“He’s already tried direct confrontation with your father,” Madara pointed out. “I’m not so sure that he’ll try to outright hurt anyone. He’s intelligent when he wants to be and his frontal assault has already failed; it’s more likely he’ll try for something sneakier.”

“Like what, though?” Tobirama asked.

Madara shifted in his seat so that his thigh pressed against his husband’s under the table. “I can’t say. Knowing him it will be quiet, underhanded, and it will be something meant to make him look good while making Butsuma look bad.”

He could see Touka eyeing him again but ignored her. If she didn’t find his answers pleasing enough she was welcome to go ask Tajima for herself.

“You’re the head of security,” Tobirama pointed out, the change in topic sudden enough that it nearly gave him whiplash. He turned to look at his husband with a frown, trying to piece together what he might be getting at, but eventually had to give in and ask.

“I am. And?”

“Do you have any teams with enough skill to look in to him without being noticed? How closely does your father follow the schedules you post? If you added a few extra patrols here and there, especially around the tower or, say, along whatever paths he typically travels during the day, would he even notice?” Leaning forward, Tobirama rapped his fingers along the table’s surface. “I’m just wondering if we could maybe catch wind of whatever he’s planning before he sets it in motion. Or with at least enough time to move in counter.”

“That’s a good idea, actually. Patrol schedules were one of my duties back in the old compound as well so I don’t think he’s ever bothered to do more than glance over the ones I hand in to him now – if that. He trusts that I know what I’m doing. If I add an extra team or two a few days a week he won’t notice.”

Touka sat forward as well. “I could follow him.”

“No.” Madara shook his head. “That part I don’t agree with. I trust your skills but all it takes is one slip up or a bit of extra vigilance on his part and I will not be part of losing someone so important to my husband.” Because when it came to threats against himself Madara had no doubt his father would act with deadly force and explain away his actions when the dust had settled. Against others he would have no mercy.

“Yeah. I’m sure you’re real worried about my safety.” Still, Touka was looking at him a little differently even as she spoke and Tobirama was openly staring, speechless.

Hashirama felt no need to hide the tears in his eyes as he reached across the table with both hands. “Oh Madara, you’re such a good friend and a good man! I knew the two of you would be so great for each other if you just gave it a little time! Come here, come let me hug you!”

“No, get off!” Madara scraped his chair backwards along the kitchen tile to escape.

“Oh come on, just one hug!” Hashirama pouted and reached farther. “I bet you let Tobi hug you!”

“That doesn’t mean I want you to get your paws all over me! Where is your wife? Tell her to come control her man-child!”

He should have known that inevitably the veneer would drop back in to place and the silly Hashirama they all saw day to day would show himself again. It was like the man was allergic to being serious unless absolutely necessary. Reluctantly sacrificing the warm feeling of having his thigh pressed up against Tobirama’s without the other pulling away, Madara stood from his chair to take himself out of Hashirama's reach and crossed his arms with a stern expression. He was not moved when his friend pouted in return.

“I guess there’s really nothing more to say on the situation?” Touka said after clearing her throat.

“Oh there’s always much to say,” Tobirama corrected her. “Unfortunately it seems as though most of it would be speculation from here on out. From this point all we can do is keep ourselves sharp and remember not to react too strongly if and when something does happen.”

“Exactly. That’s what he wants.” Even admitting it made Madara want to shake his head for his father’s dramatics.

“Right.” Touka slid down in her chair and tapped one jagged fingernail against her chin. “What he wants is a big reaction in his favor. He wants everyone irrational because high emotions would make them easier to manipulate in to seeing things the way he wants us to.”

Madara pinched the bridge of his nose. He really hated the sneaky part of being a shinobi. It would be so much better if all disagreements could be settled by tossing each other around a training field for a while and shouting aimlessly. Short, to the point, and since he was stronger than most that meant he would win most fights. A perfect world, really.

His vision of a perfect world may have had some slight dictator undertones but he’d never claimed he himself was anything close to perfect.

“We’re done here, I guess. I’ll get out of the way of your little family reunion and…I don’t know. Do some paperwork I guess. Are any of us supposed to be working right now? It feels weird that we all have the day off.” Madara looked around the room to avoid meeting anyone’s eyes.

“A gift from my father,” Hashirama said. “When a returning shinobi had been injured as our brothers were he’s learned that it’s better to give their families the day off rather than risk their distraction at work. Distraction leads to mistakes. And he says it builds loyalty from the families to be seen as caring.” He twisted his mouth to one side, clearly agreeing with the result but taking no pleasure from the reasons behind them. Butsuma was a clever man too it seemed.

That solved one of the many mysteries chasing themselves around his head, at least. Madara nodded to himself. “Alright. Well. Then back home for me I suppose. Have fun with...whatever assholery you Senju get up to when you’re all together.”

“I believe you will find”-Tobirama delicately extricated himself from his chair and brushed imaginary dust from his front-“that I represent an entirely different clan now. If home is your destination I should like to go home as well. Hashirama, Touka, I’ll see you both tomorrow I expect.” With a serene expression he turned and headed for the front door, turning his back to Hashirama for the first time since entering the home.

As he obviously intended, the effect was immediate. The moment Hashirama caught sight of the uchiwa fan between his brother’s shoulder blades there were fat tears dripping down his cheeks so fast Madara wondered if he really could cry at will. Only the idiot’s tear-blurred vision stopped him from catching up as Madara bolted out of the room and hurried after his husband, pulling Tobirama along to hustle them both out of the house without an ounce of regret for leaving Touka to deal with that mess on her own. Hashirama was her relative after all. She must be better equipped than him to handle such situations.

Once they were outside he felt a little bit less worried by the possibility of unwanted hugs from an overgrown tree. There was only one tree around Konoha allowed to get their arms around him and that man was walking at his side with his jaw clenched tight and his eyes off in the opposite direction as he tried not to laugh out loud.

“I’m not afraid of him,” Madara insisted unsure why he felt the need to point it out.

“No, perish the thought.”

“It’s just not his business to touch me or anything.”

“Understandable.”

Madara scowled. “You’re making fun of me.”

“Yes, I am.” The tips of his ears were turning red with suppressed laughter.

“Aren’t you supposed to take my side?”

“On the contrary; having equal connection to you both, I believe I’m supposed to be the neutral party in any disputes.” It would be a lot easier to believe he meant it if he weren’t so determinedly avoiding looking over at Madara. Smarmy bastard. It was a distractingly adorable look on him.

Not really sure how to refute that, Madara chose to pout ostentatiously and turn his attention to the folks around them. A rush of pride he was unprepared for hit him with all the force of a punch in the gut when he noticed several people reacting to the blatant declaration stitched across the back of Tobirama’s clothing. With every head that he saw turning from the corner of his eye he had the strangest urge to shove his face in to theirs and shout because yes of course Tobirama belonged to the Uchiha clan. Of course he should have no shame in that. And of course he should feel comfortable walking about in public with the uchiwa riding proudly on his clothing as was right and proper.

“Should I be worried about whatever is happening in your mind right now?” Tobirama asked, breaking in to his thoughts. “You have a very worrisome smile on your face.”

“I’m fine! Nothing is – what? No. I’m good.”

“That was an extraordinarily convincing act, please hold for my applause.”

Madara tried to give his husband a flat look but it had less effect when Tobirama was already giving him one in return. So instead he huffed and tossed his head. With as much hair as he was blessed with he’d always found that to be an effective move.

“Your student missed you,” was the first thing he could think of to change the subject.

Immediately he could tell he had Tobirama’s full attention. Madara preened and without needing any further prompting he launched in to a slightly exaggerated retelling of how Kagami had shown up looking for his sensei and ended up staying for dinner. With how close the two of them had grown in such a short amount of time it would not surprise him for word of Tobirama’s return to spread far enough for little ears to hear and come greet them on their way home.

Keeping his movements as subtle as possible, he angled his own path just a little to bring himself gradually closer to the man at his side as they walked and talked about the precious people in both of their lives. Madara sort of wished he could go back in time a handful of months and tell himself that all the negative feelings he had wallowed in since the signing of the treaty were simply a waste of time. In the end it seemed like maybe married life wasn’t so bad – as long as it was Tobirama by his side.

#rae writes #madatobi #madara #tobirama #touka #hashirama #fanfiction

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novelwritingtrash · 5 years ago

Link

When Harry Styles played the O2 Arena in 2018, his fans illuminated the cavernous venue in the colours of the LGBTQ Pride flag. Coordinated by a social media account called The Rainbow Project, each seating block was allocated a different colour, so that when Styles played the song Sweet Creature, an enormous rainbow emerged from the crowd. I was there, and it was pretty magical. But it was also emblematic of how Styles’s fanbase views their idol: as a queer icon.

There’s arguably never been a better time to be an LGBTQ pop star. Acts such as Sam Smith, who came out as non-binary earlier this year, Lil Nas X, the first gay man to have a certified diamond song in America, Halsey, queer boyband Brockhampton, pansexual singer Miley Cyrus and Kim Petras, who is transgender, have all enjoyed an incredible year, bagging the biggest hits of 2019.

Still, when Styles shared Lights Up, the lead single from his forthcoming second solo album Fine Line, there was a collective intake of breath. The song and video - in which he appears shirtless in what looks like a sweaty orgy as both men and women grab at him - was heralded as a “bisexual anthem” by the media and fans on Twitter, despite not really making any explicit or obvious statements about sexuality or the LGBTQ community. Instead, Lights Up was just another example of the queer mythologising that occurs around Harry Styles.

As a member of One Direction, Styles was – aside from Zayn Malik – the group’s most charismatic and enticing member. From his first audition on The X Factor to the band’s disbandment in 2015, the teenager from Cheshire managed to elevate himself and his celebrity swiftly rose to the A list. Helping him along was speculation about his private life: during his tenure in the band he was romantically linked to everyone from Taylor Swift to Kendall Jenner.

But there were two other rumoured relationships that dogged Styles more than the others. The first was his close friendship with radio DJ Nick Grimshaw. Styles and Grimshaw were often photographed together, and there were anodyne showbiz reports about how they even shared a wardrobe.

Inevitably, rumours suggested they were romantically linked. In fact, so prolific was speculation that during an interview with British GQ, Styles was asked point blank if he was in a relationship with Grimshaw (he denied any romantic relationship) and, in a move that upset many One Direction fans, if he was bisexual. “Bisexual? Me?” he responded. “I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I'm not.”

The second, and perhaps most complicated of rumours, was that he and fellow bandmate Louis Tomlinson were in a relationship. Larry Stylinson, as their shipname is known, began life as fan-fiction but mutated into a wild conspiracy theory as certain fans – dubbed Larries – documented glances, gestures, touches, interviews, performances and outfits in an attempt to confirm the romance. Even now, four years after the band went on “hiatus”, videos are still being posted on YouTube in an attempt to confirm that their relationship was real.

For Tomlinson, Larry was fandom gone too far. He has repeatedly rejected the conspiracy. Styles, meanwhile, has never publicly discussed it. In fact, unlike Tomlinson, whose post-1D career trajectory has seen him adopt a loutish form of masculinity indebted to the Gallagher brothers, Styles has largely leant into the speculation surrounding his sexuality. Aside from the GQ interview, Styles has told interviewers that gender is not that important to him when it comes to dating. In 2017 he said that he had never felt the need to label his sexuality, adding: “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

Likewise, during his time touring with One Direction, and during his own solo tours, the image of Styles draped with a rainbow flag became ubiquitous. He has also donated money from merchandise sales to LGBTQ charities. His fashion sense, too, subverts gender norms: Styles has long sported womenswear, floral prints, dangly earrings and painted nails.

Nevertheless, Styles’s hesitance to be candid has met with criticism. He has been accused of queer-baiting - or enjoying the benefits of appealing to an LGBTQ fanbase without having any of the difficulties. I’ve written before about how queer artists, who now enjoy greater visibility and are finding mainstream success, have struggled commercially owing to their sexuality or gender identity.

Styles, who is assumed to be a cisgender, heterosexual male, doesn’t carry any of the commercial risk laden upon Troye Sivan, Years and Years or MNEK, who all use same-gender pronouns in their music and are explicitly gay in their videos. His music – with its nods to rock’n’roll, Americana and folk – doesn’t feel very queer, either. Looking at it this way, the queer idolisation of Harry Styles doesn’t feel deserved.

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don't think that he queer-baits, but I don't think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he's well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I'm 50-50 and I'm never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I'm okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There's such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he's really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

One only has to look at how Styles’ celebrity manifests itself (cool, fashionable, artistic) in comparison to that of his former bandmates. Liam Payne (this week dubbed by the tabloids as a chart failure) has been a tabloid fixture since his public relationship with Cheryl Cole and relies on countless interviews, photoshoots and even an advertising campaign for Hugo Boss to maintain his fame.

Styles, meanwhile, doesn’t really engage with social media. He also rarely appears in public and carefully chooses what kind of press he does, actively limiting the number of interviews he gives. Styles’s reticence to engage with the media and general public – perhaps a form of self-preservation – has awarded him a rare mystique that few people in the public eye possess.

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry's queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Ultimately, the way that Styles navigates his queer fandom doesn’t feel calculated or contrived. For Eli, an 18-year-old from Orlando who grew up with One Direction, seeing Styles “grow into himself” has been important. He suggests that Styles’ queer accessibility has helped to create a safe space for fans. “Watching him on tour dance on stage every night in his frilly outfits, singing about liking boys and girls, waving around pride flags, and even helping a fan come out to her mom, really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality,” he explains.

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it's an amazing feeling. I'm aware so many queer people can't experience it so I'm very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f----” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

Shaud says that the queer community that has congregated around Styles is another reason she’s so drawn to him. “Seeing how his last tour was such an incredible site of affirmation and belonging for queers is deeply moving to me, and as older queer [Shaud is 41] I’m so grateful that all the young people growing up together with Harry have someone like him to provide that.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, 'Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It's an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Ollie, 22 and from Brighton, takes a more rounded view, however: “On one hand, I think that quite simply it isn’t any of anyone else’s business. On the other, if you place yourself in the public eye to the level of fame that he has then you should be prepared to be probed about every minute detail of your personal life, whether you like it or not – you should at least be prepared to be questioned about it.” Still, he says that the good that Styles does is what’s important: “He brings fantastic support and attention to the community, whether he is actively a part of it or not.”

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

Still, if fans are expecting a queer coming of age with new album Fine Line, they will be disappointed. Lyrically, he doesn’t venture into new territory, although there are some new musical flares. He also seems like he’s started to distance himself a little from the ambiguity, too. “I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows,” he told Rolling Stone. “I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.” Having said that, within weeks Styles appeared on Saturday Night Live playing a gay social media manager, using queer slang and even wearing an S&M harness.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

“If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you,” he said earlier this year. “I love every single one of you.” In a world where LGBTQ rights are threatened and there’s socio-political insecurity, perhaps, for now at least, that’s enough.

#is it enough?#that the privileged cis white man gets to cosplay the gay saviour?

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accidentalharrie · 5 years ago

Note

maybe you or one of you followers has access to the telegraph article about Harry "Why does the world want Harry Styles to be gay" I don't know what to think about this headline and I really want to read it but its online only for subscribers

Here you go, Nons. (I hesitate to post this but…)

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don’t think that he queer-baits, but I don’t think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he’s well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I’m 50-50 and I’m never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I’m okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There’s such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he’s really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry’s queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it’s an amazing feeling. I’m aware so many queer people can’t experience it so I’m very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f—-” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, ‘Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It’s an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

#I hope it goes without saying that I disagree with a LOT in this article #telegraph #not sure how else to tag this #asks #Anonymous

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rem289 · 6 years ago

Text

Response to (idiotic) accusations made by some people against me and especially Aoimotion

(which is why I have to waste time writing this stuff)

Hi guys,

Here I am again, with a "small" update of the journal published a few days ago here on my blog in response to an offensive, derogatory and defamatory post that unfortunately has been circulating for a month without the direct interested, I and above Aoimotion , being aware about it, as we weren’t intentionally mentioned, so we were denied the right to reply.

Of course I took care to reply immediately after discovering it, telling our version of the facts. But the post was soon removed, so all I could read were four short comments left by the owner of the blog on which the announcement was written, @spanish-vega

Needless to say, the cancellation didn’t bring benefits to its victims, since eliminating a post to the source on Tumblr has only the (partial) effect of hiding the identity of its author. Therefore, if you are interested in knowing what I am talking about, a copy of the accusations I’m going to reply to can still be found here.

This only shows how its content was a distorted interpretation of real facts that, once brought to light, irreparably refuted the veracity of the post in question, forcing the author, or more likely: the authors, to eliminate it before taking their own responsibility and have a real confrontation with me. Unfortunately, this action was too serious for me to ignore it. In this regard, I will now proceed to respond to the feedback I received from Miss Vega. There really would not be much to say, given that the comments (written, among other things, under HER OWN post), can hardly be considered an answer, so I will take this opportunity to focus on many issues that are close to my heart.

I want to warn you that in the following part the subjects will change often, sometimes I will refer to those directly involved or only one of them, sometimes to a wider audience, so sorry for this confusion, unfortunately the topics to be addressed are many.

Dear Vega, here we are again. I don’t know whether to feel more sad or worried by the fact that after all the time that has passed and even now that I have placed you before the fact, you say you have not regretted having basically tried to ruin a person's reputation. In part I envy you, I would also like to face certain things with such coldness. On my way I have met many boring and dishonest people, yet I have never dreamed of defaming them publicly, notwithstanding all the evil they had done and the reason I could have. Same for Aoi, of course, who between the two was the most oppressed in recent years. But in your case perhaps, this is the only way to really solve the matter, since the private ways don’t work, or rather, only serve to make fun of me, taking advantage of my honesty and fairness. It’s too convenient to pillory someone publicly and then demand to settle things in private; you all have always speculated on the fact that both Aoi and I are much more mature and discrete than you, so we would never have put ourselves at your own level (or your own pettiness, depending on your point of view). In fact, it was supposed to be like this, but unfortunately my tolerance has reached the limit, you managed to make me infuriate as few have succeeded in my life, so now I will repay you with your own medicine, the only one you know and that maybe have some effect on you.

You affirm that your wish was to make the truth known to the Spaniards, but I think it was more correct to say: "the Spaniards had to know my version of the facts", given that this was the case. Because the intention of the post you wrote wasn’t to inform people, but simply to seek consensus and compassion from them. If you had even had the slightest respect for those who would have read, you should have also involved the parts you accused so that the readers were provided with more complete information and not just your distorted and incomplete version. But I can imagine that, from the perspective of a liar, the idea of acting in conditions of complete incontestability is very appetizing, so I cannot say I'm surprised. Embittered, but not surprised.

You also continue to reiterate: "you know what Aoi did to @landsec (sorry, the tag doesn’t work because this person has blocked me, I will return to this point later)". Obviously I know, as a huge amount of people know, thanks to the political propaganda that your friend has not failed to do. Aoimotion had a heated discussion with him, as a result of which she apologized in spite of, let me to reiterate it once again, the first to be wrong was Landsec, for the reasons I explained in the previous post and that you will surely remember (assuming that you have read them). Too bad that, in addition to this episode of which Aoi has largely repented, for her part there has been no other action directed against Landsec. An intervention, perhaps more "important", happened later on my part. On this intervention, many words were spent in private, with the usual sharing of screenshots, but none in public. Perhaps, if the real problem were the things I myself told Landsec, it would have been more correct to address ME directly to make his grievances, rather than going through a person whose role in this feud is mostly incidental, and certainly not because Aoi or I asked for it. Anyway, some time later the famous translation policy post appeared on our channels. And here Aoi actually made a mistake, the only mistake that could be attributed to her: on DA, she signed the post with her name. She did it out of habit, because it was a few months since the account had passed from being “RemArt” to be “AoiRemArt”, so she tried to point out that it was now managed by two people, not just one. In addition, I let her write the posts because unfortunately it’s known that English isn’t my strong suit, so I agree it’s easy to associate her writing with her name. But it takes a lot of imagination to imagine that such a crucial and important post was written only by one of the two, from a common account, as if I had been watching while she was preparing the crime or, even worse, she had bound me and gagged me to deprive me of any freedom of speech, so she could freely do what she wanted. A fantasy that I prefer to call "convenience". The concepts of the post and the way in which they are exposed have been agreed both by Aoi and by me, as it has always been and as it still is, therefore, whatever offense you may have received in your opinion, be aware that it came fully in the name of both. The only thing I'm so sorry about is that I didn’t stop her right away when I saw that she had signed only on her behalf, because I gave people I thought smarter another opportunity to pour their hatred and frustration on her.

Anyway, I'm sorry to disappoint you, dear Vega, and all the rest of the people who share your thoughts, but even then you totally misrepresented what we were saying. We can only validate the Italian and English versions because they are the only ones edited by the original author of the texts: Aoimotion, who writes them personally and has full control. Since we don’t know other languages outside of these two, we have no tools or knowledge to verify the content of the text with confidence and to consider it 100% faithful to the original, correct or reliable. It’s pure and simple logic, concepts that should also be within your reach.

I’m sorry that my authorization has implied the opposite and has made you consider these texts as official, perhaps better than the original ones. It's probably another thing that I should have explained from the beginning. We don’t want to diminish the work behind it, but yours is still a fan-translation, certainly not considered as an official language released by us. If we did it we would take responsibility for making official a thing we don’t know, it would not be serious on our part.

About this, I take this opportunity to apologize to the translators for not having explained well right away that the first translations were authorized only by me and only by inexperience, due to the fact that I myself felt like I was using borrowed characters and I sincerely regret that all this happened, because if I had been more careful and far-sighted from the beginning, now there would be no translation in the first place and now we would have no problem.

Secondly, after all the conflicts that have existed, and still exist between us, not only I consider your vain attempts to flatter me ("incredible artist", "fantastic person" and so on) extremely hypocritical, but the thing that makes me laugh is how in public you proudly declare that you have no problem with me (feelings that, even if they were true, would not be returned from me anyway), when in private things go in a very different way.

I'm really sorry, Vega, that you spent your time writing a post in defense of Landsec, that you, blinded probably by some feeling that I don’t feel entitled to determine, called "one of the kindest members of this fandom". The same kind member who didn’t stop you when he had to and could do it, but made you cancel the post only when I intervened, exactly after a month. The same kind member who has denied any involvement in your actions, either in public or in private with me (I will spare you the agony of reading his own words because, unlike Landsec and probably many of his friends, we don’t have the same habit of divulging private conversations, even when we could take advantage from them, as in this case), running for cover, reblogging my post as if he wants to declare himself on my side, pleading - we don’t know who - to leave him alone, and discharging all responsibility on you and yours impulsivity, and then, on top of the cake, canceling his reblog just five minutes after doing it. The same kind member that blocked me just two days after the answer to my post in which he recited: "I don’t have any problems with Rem" and "We. Are. Cool. ". I suppose he must have been very afraid of being ignored for the first time by me, after I’ve always endeavored to behave with maturity towards him in an attempt to smooth out the shameful situations created by himself. In light of the fact that I find myself writing this unhappy communication, when I could use my time in more pleasant and productive ways, I gather that I was the only one of us who ever intended to definitively close this story.

Fortunately, before Landsec took his "precautionary measures", I had time to realize that the post in which he announced his retirement (the real one, not the defamatory garbage written a month ago) had been promptly canceled by his main channels. Evidently, when a better scapegoat was presented to him, which would have made his gesture a heroic martyr, he thought well to change the version of events. I could make a lot of comments about it, but I think that's already self-commenting. In any case, a "proof" that this post existed can be found at this link dating back to May 9th, in which it's clearly mentioned the retreat, already happened, of our kind member.

Now you will ask, why insist on this point? In reality it's very simple: the author of the defamatory post, quoted and linked at the top, has accused us, -no, maybe it's better to be precise: only Aoimotion- of Landsec's withdrawal, inserting this accusation even as subtitle of her the post ("Motivo del retiro de Landsec") . But if this post that I found refers to the Landsec's withdrawal on the 9th of May, I can assume that his abandonment was announced at least a few days before the 9th of May. And if the very first private discussion between Landsec and us took place about fifteen days later (in May 23-24th); And if the post about translation policy we made that, according to the opinion of the author of the post, would have completely destroyed the good intentions to continue in the translations of her friend, was published on June 25th, I wonder: itâs possible that these people have the gift of clairvoyance? Or can I just assume that unfounded and ridiculous accusations have been made with the intention of demonizing a person and, at the same time, gathering support and compassion?

Returning to us, always wanting to quote his "hit and run" reblog, in fact it was the same Landsec who writes: "So if you have any involvement with it [your post, Vega], solve it yourself and LEAVE ME ALONE ". So, from woman to woman, I hope that you, Vega, have long thought and drawn your conclusions after this shabby show. After all, he practically left you alone in my clutches, after you had exposed yourself so much to defend him. He didn't even try a second to protect you like you did with him. A kind person like him, does he really deserve your loyalty?

The connections between people are simple as long as they are coalescing in the face of the possibility of slandering, mortifying and tarnishing someone. In that case, people are ready to swear loyalty, support and mutual affection from here until the end of time. As soon as the nuance of reason and congruence is destroyed by the reality of facts, this is how these bonds crumble and change into the vile, filthy and disgusting vault I have ever seen.

That would be great, since everyone is free to build their personal bonds in the way that best suits him/her ... if not that, these same people ready to tear each other if the situation worsens, even find the courage to distort the partnership between me and Aoi, painting it like a toxic relationship in which she manipulates me according to her will, and I'm reduced to a doll that is limited to executing orders or, in the best case, watching while she sows discord and destruction in the name of both.

At this point, you understand that I cannot ignore such a foul-smelling accusation, so let me tell you how things are: none, and again, none of the things I've said or done in the past two years have been influenced by Aoi. Because, you know, I'm also capable of independent judgment (ability that instead of many of you are missing, I noticed) and not only, I'm even able to get angry! I understand that it sounds absurd, so take a minute of meditation to assimilate this information, and then take a few hours, or days, or even weeks, to realize how all the things that you didn't like and that you think damaged you, that you considered more convenient to attribute to my partner, in reality they were the combined and harmonious effect of two minds that have always worked in perfect harmony, without never prevaricate each other. And perhaps, for many of you, the problem has been (and still is) just that. You can hardly forgive me for I have found a partner "out of the group" (who anyway I knew and with whom I had a firm friendship since well before knowing you, in case you didn't know or you were conveniently forgotten) with whom I chose to work closely, a person whom I admire and whom I appreciate, an I'm very fond of, who made me embark on a project for which I decided it was worth it, which goes beyond fame and glory and any other value to which you attach importance. Perhaps many of you have been wondering for months: "Why Aoi? Why not us?", and so, you decided to vent this suppressed frustration on her, when perhaps, and I say perhaps, the person you really wanted to vent your livership was and is me.

I will not deny that, for the short time I attended your group, I appreciated your company. As I told to Landsec in the last message I sent him months ago, there were people among you whom I esteemed and respected and which were pleasing to me, but I always treated our relationship lightly; I never thought there was anything between us that could go beyond kindness and mutual courtesy. We were acquaintances, and nothing more than that, and I'm really sorry if my attitudes (which no doubt were wrong) may have given some of you reason to think otherwise, or in any case to "elevate" our relationship to something more. But this has never authorized you to treat Aoi in the way you did, to denigrate her, to deride her and to accuse her of having performed actions on behalf of both, overshadowing my will and my ideas completely, as if there was no way that I could be something else than what you thought I was. Your myth of Rem always kind, always available and always friendly is an image that you have created of me, which absolutely doesn't belong to me, which I consider incredibly reductive and silly to apply on a person since, sorry if I always repeat the obvious, the reactions are adapted to the situations and you have given me many reasons to be anything but courteous and kind to you. All of this is a mirror of what your real opinion is of us, of the presumption that you have to know two people whom you have always chosen to see only the part that made you more comfortable, and probably even what is the limit of your reasoning ability.

And now I refer directly to the “translators”, I regret to find out that for a long time you have translated comics written by a person you don't esteem at all, as opposed to what you claim to think of me. I sincerely ask myself why you decided to put your blog and your "face" in a story and in dialogues that you thought so bad of, since apparently the only thing that you appreciated the comic were the drawings. Maybe you could create your own comic and think about the interactions between the characters, the story and the dialogues, and translate them into English as it is a far less demanding work than translating into your language.

From this point of view, I understand why you always want to boast about how much effort you make in translations, literally using every possible excuse to reiterate how hard and draining your work is. But then I wonder: if for you to translate from English TO YOUR MOTHER LANGUAGE is so hard, so demanding, then what Aoi should say, as she translates every day from our mother tongue (which I remind you, it's Italian. Maybe it was clear with me but not with her) to English and vice versa, if her work requires to? Iâm sure that you too know that translating from English to your own language is not as difficult as doing the opposite, given that you proclaim yourselves to be certified and expert translators and you, Vega, also defined yourself as a writer, as if this title could authorize you to say all the balderdash that left your keyboard. Aoi has been doing this every day for more than two years, but I don't remember ever having seen her making noise for what she has chosen to do, not even when many people ignored (deliberately or not) her role as author in the comics and she would have all the right to point out that she was the mind behind those stories that everyone liked so much. For this, I cannot help but applaud the despicable courage with which you have diminished Aoi's work, who is a translator like you and even more than you, besides being so many other things that you aren't, and laugh at how you have mortified her while you were doing your master work by basing yourself on a translation that came well before you. Therefore, maintaining the scale of judgment with which you have always judged her contribution to comics: if you want to rate Aoi's work as zero, go ahead. But at this point, following your reasoning, I ask you: how should your work be defined? With a negative number? Or even better, with an imaginary number?

In conclusion, I regret that many people believed in Vega's version, full of holes and inconsistencies, without even ascertaining the veracity of what they were being offered. To believe in facts without evidence to support them is a very serious act, which sets out a very dangerous trend to this day. Dangerous for these people, and also for who / what is found in the crosshairs of such lies.

And speaking of these people, I would like to use this post to respond to some brilliant comments that I found myself reading under Vega's propaganda, released by people who arrived like flies that, attracted by the trash, got themselves gathered around it to feast festively, though mostly, I will do nothing but reiterate old concepts. I will not mention names, because there is no need; in any case, those who are curious can go to read through the comments of the post of which I attached the link above, although I don't recommend doing it to those who are particularly weak stomach.

When you accuse Aoimotion of having had, and still have, a very strong influence on me, there is one thing you're right about: if it was not for her, I would have stopped having any contact with the Zootopia fandom already two years ago. Probably my interest would be exhausted within a couple of comics, or even stripes, given the general attention that I can have in fandom, especially if it's fandom related to films and therefore self-contained stories. But then I met her, who overwhelmed me with her imagination, her enthusiasm and above all her pure and unconditional love for the narration, which pushed me to continue. To make a lot more comics than I had expected, to draw a lot more pictures of Nick and Judy than I would have done alone. 90% of what I have produced, and for which you have idolized me (and given the situation in which I'm now, I wonder how sincere these flattery were), exists because she was with me, by my side, close to every process of creation and always ready to advise me, encourage me and help me. So, when you accuse Aoimotion of having forced me to leave the fandom, you should instead thank her, for holding me into it a lot, so much more than I could have predicted.

When you accuse my style of drawing to be "Zootopian", know that first of all this is just a neologism devoid of any meaning, given that Zootopia itself is a Disney-style film and that then brings the style of his factory. And that just because dozens of artists have thrown into the cauldron called "Zootopia" any anthropomorphic animal their pen has created, doesn't mean that the same applies to me. In any case, know that my style is evolving and will evolve again and again, until finally this latest silly accusation will fall into the pit of the "absurd accusations" that are offered to us every day by this fandom.

When you accuse us of wanting to "steal Jack Savage from Disney", when you even use your time to create meme and "fun" comic of dubious taste, of which only the authors, the stupids and their little friends can laugh, hold on to mind that Jack Savage has always been, and always will be, nothing but a sketch on an artbook with a few lines of background, and that all we have built on him is OURS, including much of his physical appearance (which, like everything that is in this fandom, has soon become a collective good, like it happens in the best communist societies). And that we have the right and the duty to take it back, while you have neither of those to come and tell us something. If, as you think according to the legal knowledge of which you are definitely in possession, what we have in mind to do (which, incidentally, has not yet been disclosed to anyone, then as well as experienced lawyers, you're also skilled Espers able to read our minds; if I had your powers, now I would fight in the biggest tribunals of the world, not brawling from behind a keyboard) is wrong, we will pay the consequences; but if what we are doing is simply a nuisance to you, and it stings you as if you were thrown into a bush of nettles, I'm sorry to say that it is not our problem. Maybe you need to take a break from the internet, as I suggested to Vega and Landsec, to review your priorities and give a little more value of your time. Or you could "give yourself to horse racing", as we say in our parts.

Among other things, while we can afford to take away from Jack any connotation in common with his concept and have our fanbase almost unchanged, if anyone else tried to do the same would find himself in a second to swim in anonymity. I invite you to ask yourself why, and if you can, even to give you an answer. It would be sufficient to explain a few of our apparently incomprehensible reasons, and even the reasons for those whose main purpose in recent months seems to have been to discourage and mock us.

The Jack’s question is very well connected with another theme that we considered closed for months, but that obviously still doesn't really go down to some of you: the alleged plot against our readers, hatched by Aoi and me, which established to introduce our OCs in Black Jack, in order to impose them on you and force you to appreciate them and follow their vicissitudes.

We have always considered this accusation extremely funny (it’s a pity that the harassment we suffered because of it were not) and all in all, putting ourselves in the shoes of the average fan and reasoning (indeed, refusing to reason) as such, the thing could also make sense. So we let it go. This only until the moment we published Black Jack.

Once this comic ended (and even a few months before it ended), we reiterated several times that we would never treat Zootopia again. Of course, you understand that we couldn't write "WE WILL NOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT NICK AND JUDY !!" at the end of each post or as a watermark on the pages of the new comic, otherwise some brilliant mind would have told us that we were paranoid and unpleasant. So, at a certain point, we stopped coming back to the subject.

At this point, as far as I'm concerned, anyone who has continued to follow us after Black Jack, has done so of his own free will. Perhaps it's hard to publicly admit that you find an interesting story that does not have Nick, Judy or the "Zootopia" tag inside; It’s easier not to express yourself, to avoid the risk that some friend, fervent supporter of the fandom (because now there are no longer supporters of the movie but of the fandom), can stone you on the spot. In this way, you have at any moment the possibility of turning silence-assent into fierce indignation, pulling out the fable that someone is manipulating you to force you to follow something you don’t like and don’t care about. I'm sorry if you felt obliged to follow us by some dark force that you could not fight back, it was absolutely not our intention. We have never been interested in gathering as much support as possible (if we wanted to do it, we would certainly emulate some eminent fandom figure who knows how to keep fans tight), what we always wanted is to express ourselves artistically in absolute freedom, and be judged without any "fandomistic" prejudice .

Therefore, I will reiterate it once again:

if you have no interest in our current work and/or continue to follow us hoping that one day we'll rekindle the desire to work again on Zootopia;

if you have decided to follow us because this gives you the illusion that we're still feeding the dunghill that this fandom has become;

if you’re bad and evil in the soul and find pleasure in spitting poison on a couple of artists who didn't do anything wrong (because now, honestly, what have we ever done to deserve certain crap? After all we have given you for a year or more, you should just learn to be quiet) ...

If you're one of these things, more than one or all put together, I warmly and DEFINITELY invite you to vanish and never return.

Regardless of everything, I'm here to reiterate that we will go on, while the best these people can get is to fossilize themselves where they are now. We are trying to do something big and original, bigger than a mere sub-project of another work, more original than creating new animals that stand on two legs and exist somewhere in the universe of Zootopia (without nothing to take away from those who do it, we simply have different ideas and different objectives). And you know, partly we have already succeeded, and I feel once again to thank Aoi about this, thanks to her characterization and her stories wich allows us to give our OCs peculiarity, to distinguish them from the crowd even if some people try always to imitate the character design of others artists. The more time passes, the more people from the fandom stop following us; but for each of them that leaves, two new readers follow us, people who often have nothing to do with Zootopia and its fandom. And if this is not a victory, I don’t know what it is.

Summing up, I would say that perhaps, rather than feeling angry at certain people, the most appropriate feeling here is compassion. But for respect of ourselves, it's right that even the most miserable and vile of individuals will learn what their place is; for how much compassion I can feel for them, I’ll never transact ever before a villainous gesture. Unfortunately, the more falsehoods are propitiated and stacked, the more the truth will be evident and lethal later. The more you are liars, the more you will be hurt when someone puts you in front of the reality of the facts, exposing your slanders for what they really are: snake venom. For this reason, from now on I strongly advise you to dose more carefully your nonsense, in order to avoid having to hide like rats the moment the truth will surface. This is the last thing I will tell you because, after this refreshing parenthesis, I hope I will never again have to deal with any of you, anywhere in the internet.

And if it were to happen, however, I beg you this time to call things by their real name; to strike directly and clearly who you REALLY want to hit, without first making a shield of people who have nothing to do with the problems you may have with someone. In any case, we will be ready to respond, using the most effective weapon in our possession, the truth; Therefore, I sincerely dissuade you from doing so.

#communication

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sophygurl · 6 years ago

Text

WisCon 42 panel Black Lightning

Black Lightning panel description:

The CW, host of DCTV shows Arrow, Flash, Supergirl, and Legends of Tomorrow, is now the network to go to for the television adaptation of the classic comic Black Lightning! The show focuses on a black family—the father, a retired superhero and current high school principal, dons his supersuit once more to protect his daughters. It seems at least one of the daughters are developing powers of theirs own. One of the daughters is a lesbian, adding more intersecting identities that are rarely see on TV. This show seems to be a smart, funny, political, action-packed family drama - with super powers. Let's celebrate, discuss, and critique this exciting new show!

Moderator Inda Lauryn with panelists Jennifer Cross, JP Fairfield, Alex Jennings, and Krys.

Reminder that these panel notes are only my own recollections and the things I managed to write down - my notes are incomplete and likely faulty in places. Corrections and additions are always welcome. Especially please do correct me if I get names or pronouns wrong!

Also I name panelists as that’s publicly available information but not audience members unless requested by that person to have their named added.

[Ugh this was my first panel of the morning and my handwriting is extra-bad. I’ll be skipping chunks in which I can’t make out what I meant to write!]

Inda started the panelist intros off with the question of what DC comic character they’d like to see on TV.

JP answered with Nubia, Wonder Woman’s sister. Krys said Static. Jennifer replied with Monica Rambeau. Alex said Static might in fact end up on Black Lightning but gave his answer as Hal Jordan’s Green Lantern, but if Hal was black. Inda answered saying she’d like a proper Vixen live action show.

Alex talked about how Black Lightning is standing up well so far against the comics, which he has been a fan of for awhile. He says BL is the linchpin for the black sector of DC comics. The daughters become part of the Titans for awhile, etc.

One thing Alex does not want to see on the show is Jefferson acting as a villain for an extended period of time as being undercover with the Outsiders.

Jennifer really liked the depiction of Freeland in the show as it’s own character, and showing black life in their own cities.

Alex explained that in the comics, it’s a black neighborhood in Metropolis.

Inda said that technically, right now, BL is separate from the rest of the DCTV universe. Jennifer said there was that line about Black Canary, though. JP said they’ve waffled about it. She wants it to be part of the overall universe (even though Black Lightning is better written than the other shows), to deal with the intersectional issues of all these white vigilantes and how they fit in with police oppression of black neighborhoods.

Jennifer said that Arrow had a storyline about police oppression but they All Live Mattered it. She added - let’s just keep the rich white man away.

JP said BL could teach them how to be superheroes though, since they’re all a bunch of screw-ups. They’d have to pay him though!

Krys said that Supergirl never addresses race.

Alex said the most recent Supergirl episode kind of dealt with it, but Flash never addresses it even though two of the main characters are black.

I asked from the audience - what if only James Olsen got to interact with the BL world (thinking maybe it’d help him to have some actual black people to talk to about these things?), and JP answered - oh they’d have to finally give him something to do?

JP wants Jefferson to “taser punch” Ollie.

Inda asked the panelists what they would change about the show.

JP wants more representation of black families, and not just one kind. She likes that they’re giving them room to grow and that the two daughters have different world views. She doesn’t like some of Jefferson’s respectability politics, however.

Alex agrees and hopes the show will address that. He said the comic origins of BL are frankly hard to read - for example he puts on an afro wig when he dresses as BL.

Jennifer said the reason - not an excuse - that Jefferson has those respectability politics is that he is trying to help the kids in his community learn to code switch so that they can leave if they want to.

Krys talked about the history with Jefferson and his powers and how that explains a lot of his worldview. She doesn’t like it, but she understands where he’s coming from.

JP added - but he low-key looks down on his own community.

Jennifer said that was addressed somewhat when Khalil comes back. She doesn’t like Khalil, but appreciated that he said what he did to Jefferson.

There was an audience question about queerness - I didn’t get down the exact question.

Inda said they were going there - she was going to talk about the women on the show next, so let’s start with Anissa.

JP said all the women have different goals and needs in their life and they can disagree with each other and still support one another. Also with Anissa - her family is okay with her and her being gay is a non-issue for them, which is nice.

Jennifer said she likes to think it was intentional that it’s not addressed within the show - the family’s reaction to Anissa coming out could have been different, but the show starting with them accepting her destroys the stereotype about black people being inherently homophobic. She also likes that Anissa is openly gay, but that’s not the focus of who she is as a character.

Krys likes how involved Anissa is in the community and how that’s an important part of her character.

Inda wanted more of Grace once we met her, but is hoping there will be more of her in the next season.

JP liked that the minute Khalil got creepy, Jennifer got away from him. It didn’t turn into one of those “oh but I love him!” stories.

Inda said she did teenager well because she wanted to smack her around a bit.

Jennifer’s issue with Grace was that because she’s not black, there is a component of black queer love missing on her TV. Anissa leaving a black woman for Grace hurt a little bit because of the issue of black women being seen as the least desirable.

Inda said she loved Lady Eve as a villain and hated the way she died, but at least she kept a sense of being human through to the end. JP said they should have kept her as the Big Bad for the whole season. Alex said - she’ll get better. (lol - this then became a repeated a line about any character that had died)

Jennifer talked about Tobias as being the literal embodiment of internalized anti-blackness. She loves a good villain who gets his own hands dirty, and loved that they chose an actor with albinism.

Inda liked Tobias and that they gave him a good villain backstory. One of the best villains on DCTV.

Alex said he likes that Tobias is played by a pretty decent rapper. He likes the proper gravitas that he brings to the role, as well. He does wish that instead of intimidating his underlings, he’d have explained his worldview about how the world needs them - especially with respectability politics on the other side of things. He also loved the tattooed guy.

Inda brought up the music on the show. JP loved the music. Krys loved the mix of older songs and newer ones to match specific scenes, themes, and events.

Jennifer liked the aspect of multi-generational music and how it captured the themes. She gave a lot of examples that I was apparently too tired to write down beyond “lots of examples” - sorry about that. She also talked about how she wants the show to use it’s platform to feature more new artists like it did in the pilot.

Inda liked when the show used music humorously. An audience member brought up the scene with Stairway to Heaven and how weird and confusing it was - lots of laughing about it.

JP still wanted Lady Eve as the main villain and wanted to see her fight Tobias.

Jennifer said to get rid of Syonide - she serves no purpose. “Why are you here? Are you our Becky translator?”

JP liked that there were two dimensional white characters - it was the opposite of mainly white shows having two dimensional black characters and felt appropriate.

Alex said some of the minor villains are “wack” - Khalil as painkiller for example. He hated him in the comics and his name makes no sense. (lol)

There was a whole discussion about black character’s hair and how quickly they change from one style to the other getting into costume and how ridiculous it is. Jennifer did love Anissa’s battle hair, though.

Jennifer also talked about loving the father-daughter relationships. She and Krys both had similar stories as Jennifer’s roller rink fight.

Inda is thankful they already changed Anissa’s super suit. Then said that the show has been renewed for another season, and asked the panelists what they’d like to see next.

JP said Anissa and Jen kicking ass together. Krys said Jennifer getting a suit and training and generally coming into her powers.

Jennifer said she’d like to see how these characters do time management? Anissa, especially, does a lot - how is she doing it all? Jefferson, too. This is an issue she was with superhero universes in general. (uh-huh)

Alex wants to see Jakeem Thunder introduced into the show as it would also introduce the universe to aspects of magic.

Inda would like a little less addressing of police brutality in the future. More hero/villain stuff - but she does like that Freeland is a microcosm.

JP added that police brutality is not usually the focus of black lives - it’s just something that happens while going about their lives.

Krys wants more followup with the kids and the green lightning and Jefferson possibly being a mentor to them.

Jennifer wants more family stuff. Also Tobias showing some remorse - he got over his sister’s death really fast. She also feels they rushed Khalil’s origin story. As someone who is unapologetically Team Killmonger, she wants more complexity in her villains.

JP said the story really missed out on the treatment of Tobias and his relationship with his sister. They established their relationship to the point of her even searching for their father so he could kill him.

Alex interjected with “you don’t think Tobias will bring her back?!” An audience member said they should bring her back to save the actress from the Tyler Perry show she moved on to. Panelists all agree with this assessment.

Someone from the audience asked about the role of the afterlife, as well as the Vice Principal character.

JP discussed how they brought back LaLa, so maybe they will explore that a little more. As far as the VP - she never trusted her. At first she thought she was after his job, then after him, then turns out she’s an agent. There were all of these different angles of trying to get closer to him, but the fact that she doesn’t want to believe Jefferson is BL indicates some of those feelings might have been real.

Jennifer said she doesn’t want to go on a rant about those mismatched wigs but... that character is shady but also conflicted. As “Big Bad Chad” pointed out, she was spending a lot of time with Jefferson. Is she compromised? Yea, she is. Jennifer would prefer the character not come back unless they give her something else to do, however.

As far as the afterlife, Jennifer liked that the show is using subtle notes of black folklore and what people she knows have been raised with. She added “sorry white people, but this show knows it is not for you.”

Alex said the afterlife stuff only makes sense if spirits are real with the tattoo guy. Maybe the guy Tobias paid to bring him back didn’t tell him that part, and that there is magic involved.

Krys noted that the spiritual stuff in the show seemed personalized to each character.

An audience member asked about the sister’s different approaches to their powers.

Inda said that Jennifer just freaked out and didn’t want them, but did use them to save her father’s life. She saw how it could be a good thing, and now she is on a journey of acceptance.

JP added that she’s not all into her powers, but sees the benefits of them - she’s like a battery for her father!

Jennifer talked about Anissa accepting her powers right away because she’s always been about wanting to help her community and so she immediately saw her powers in that light. Jennifer didn’t initially want them - but when it came to her family, she stepped up. She might struggle with having powers, but when she has to use them, she’ll do it.

JP asked Alex if in the comics, it turns out Jennifer is the most powerful in the family. He said yes - and also that they can use their powers together in interesting ways.

An audience member brought up an article about black heroes and that the powers they have tend to be elemental - earth, wind, fire.

Alex said this is true even in other media, such as Captain Planet. It happens a lot, even now. He would like to see more tech-based powers.

Jennifer said but we are on planet earth, and she loved Storm and how she could literally turn the earth against people. She would like to move away from the Magical Negro trope but also likes the idea of having earth-based powers at their disposal.

More talk about issues of hair and fighting. Jennifer said you really don’t want loose hair when fighting. But the hairstyle Anissa chooses is an ode to Ashanti warrior women. It’s not practical, however.

Inda talked about the suspension of disbelief as far as people not being able to recognize them with just masks over their eyes. An audience member said that they explained this at least with BL that it hurts to look directly at him. Inda said that was only in a conversation between the daughters, so it’s possible it has to do with their own powers and isn’t a function of BL’s powers alone.

Jennifer said she would like more investigation into green light and the vaccine and the organization behind it all.

JP said - let’s talk about Gambi and his guilt about being a part of the whole thing.

Jennifer said she is tired of this trope of the the white guy who somehow didn’t know that this covert agency he was a part of was going to do some dirty shit. It’s almost better if he’s just guilty because he knew what he was getting into but wants to do better now. She lost interest in Gambi when Lady Eve died.

JP didn’t want Jefferson to forgive him so easily. Maybe he did it because they had to work together but she wants him to still be mad about what happened.

Inda mentioned the impulse for shows to give us white redemption.

Jennifer added that it might be more of a white-passing issue than white because of his actual last name being Esposito.

Inda liked having a white character in that role because “we don’t question white people in our spaces” so he could have easily moved in those communities doing what he did.

[And that’s all I got. Lovely, lively panel with gobs of info and just lots of fun!]

#wiscon #wiscon 42 #black lightning

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