#But also I recognize that me not liking something isn't an indicator of quality and that sometimes things that upset me are good actually

[hbosscreations]

I don't know that I would have voted for Jason to die at the time, I've read some of the comics from his era and I liked him well enough, but I was not a comic reader during either his or Dick's era, so I don't know how those readers felt about the transition.

What I can say, is that looking back on what has come from Jason's death, it was the correct move for the company AND Jason's story. It shook the country, and no I'm not joking. This shit was on the national news, radio, tv, newspapers, the works.

It was also a fantastic story. It hurt. I cried reading A Death in the Family, having been introduced to Jason Todd AS Red Hood.

I get it. I get upset, when I see a character I like being written or handled poorly, because that is now an unfortunate piece of canon to add to the character's story. When a character I love is killed off in a piece of media, it fucking sucks. It hurts. It feels bad, and it should, that's a fairly normal reaction to have to reading.

But this was not a case of a death being handled poorly. They'd have gone whichever direction won, so they worked to make sure it would be GOOD in either direction. It shows.

And to the point above, you would not have Red Hood without Jason Todd's death. And this was long before the extended Batfam was a thing. You know what would have happened if they hadn't gone the Death in the Family route? They'd have had him go civilian. He'd have become a cop or something like that, and he likely would have died anyway as a shock death in a crossover. Happens all the time to lesser known and less popular characters.

One reason some people struggle with the idea of a character's death is because we (the collective we of fans rather than specific individuals) are not writers. We want our favs to be happy, to have fun, a good life, the way we would want for anyone we cared about in the real world. We get invested in them, because we see ourselves in them, or something we want to protect. The thing is, they aren't real, and if their lives were nothing but happy, we'd be bored.

Writers want the story that's compelling, shocking, that keeps people engaged so they can keep making money to survive.

And then of course, there's the morality police angle. 'You're a bad person if you' XYZ. You can't actually SAY that you thought the story was better served by the death of a child, because that's BAD and WRONG! All children should get to live!

Yeah? All real children should get to live. I should be able to Fus Ro Dah children in Skyrim because they're not real.

No one is saying Jason Todd, a real human child filled with blood and dreams of the future, deserved to die. I don't know that anyone is actually saying Jason Todd, the annoying teenager, DESERVED to die. I think the argument that something was narrative more interesting is being conflated with wishing actual harm.

I'm so sorry for the word vomit.

Why does DC hate Jason Todd so much??? He's literally Babey!!! 🥺

You probably aren’t me expecting to respond to this factually but fuck it here we go. Because he was a little rat fuck who replaced their favorite Robin character for a shitty carbon copy.

I wasn’t in the comic scene, or alive, when that happened in comics, but Jason originally was a carbon copy of Dick. He grew up in a circus, was in an acrobatic troupe called the Flying Todd’s, and his parents died by the hands of Two-Face.

The next Crisis had his backstory changed but the fans still viewed him as the bad Walmart version of Robin.

(For the readers:)He was a shitty replacement for Dick Grayson that had been Robin for so long and readers didn’t like the new guy taking over the role.

He doesn’t have a memorable Robin stand-alone series, he was uncharacteristically ruthless for a robin, he replaced Dick and didn’t have any of the Grayson charm that made Robin so loveable, he was arrogant at times and bashed in general. People wanted Dick. Not this other guy.

Nowadays why they hate him?

Simple and yet layered reason:

He went from a very wonderful villain in the comics and got later boiled down to an anti hero. Most people I know that dislike Jason now preferred his villain arc. I prefer it too honestly but if we didn’t have anti hero Jason, we wouldn’t have the interactions he has with the batfamily at all and I really enjoy those scenes in the comics.

His characterization is all over too. He goes from absolutely batshit insane in some comics to angsty ninja boy, to essentially a little bit feistier Ric Grayson (I’m so sorry it’s my take DC fans please don’t fight me).

Also, his death was a BIG thing in comics and him coming back ruined the meaning behind his death.

Back in the day there were three deaths in comics that always happened and never changed. They were deaths that grew other characters around them. Those three were:

- Bucky Barnes from Captain America

- Jason Todd from Batman

- Uncle Ben from Spider-Man

Their deaths hold major stepping stones to character arc changes and how the main character acted for the rest of the comics. They were always the main characters greatest tragedy and a core part of their lore.

Of course two of these are now changed. Bucky Barnes is back as the Winter Soldier and Jason is back as Red Hood.

But that death was sacred for a while. For 20 years he was dead. He was Batman’s greatest tragedy. You did not fuck with Batman’s greatest sorrow. And they did it after (incel) Superman Prime punched the universe so hard Jason Todd came back to life.

Additionally, lots of comic writers just don’t fucking want to deal with him. Same with Damian I feel like. They throw both under the bus because they’d rather be writing other characters.

Most of this is my observations but if anyone else has any other comments to add feel free.

[voyageofthenautilus]

Translation Notes, Part 2

Mod Blue: After I saw @mysticalspiders contemplate whether the original translation of Twenty Thousand Leagues is less homoerotic, I decided to check for myself, and then I spiraled out of control and decided to use this post as a means of doing what I love to do: screaming about the differences between Mercier's original translation, and the Walter translation we're reading now.

I don't have the greatest eye for what is and what isn't considered romantic/erotic, but I figured Aronnax's physical description of Nemo was a good place to start. Here's an excerpt from Walter's translation:

"Without hesitation, I identified his dominant qualities-- self-confidence, since his head reared like a nobleman's above the arc formed by the lines of his shoulders, and his black eyes gazed with icy assurance; calmness, since his skin, pale rather than ruddy, indicated tranquility of blood; energy, shown by the swiftly knitting muscles of his brow; and finally courage, since his deep breathing denotes tremendous reserves of vitality."

Here's how Mercier translates the same passage:

"I made out his prevailing qualities directly: self-confidence-- because his head was well-set on his shoulders, and his black eyes looked around with cold assurance; calmness-- for his skin, rather pale, showed his coolness of blood; energy-- evinced by the rapid contraction of his lofty brows; and courage-- because his deep breathing denoted great power of lungs."

Leaving aside all the pseuoscience... I think it's still clear in Mercier's translation that Aronnax is captivated by Nemo, but the language isn't quite as rich (in my opinion) and is a bit more impersonal- Nemo's head "rearing like a nobleman" paints a much more compelling picture than merely being "well-set on his shoulders," and the "swiftly knitting muscles of his brow" is (to me) more physical and visceral than the "rapid contraction of his lofty brows." Still, this isn't all that different.

The differences led me to wonder which translation is truer to Verne's text, so I'll refer to it here:

"Je reconnus sans hésiter ses qualités dominantes - la confiance en lui, car sa tête se dégageait noblement sur l'arc formé par la ligne de ses épaules, et ses yeux noirs regardaient avec une froide assurance : - le calme, car sa peau, pâle plutôt que colorée, annonçait la tranquillité du sang ; - l'énergie, que démontrait la rapide contraction de ses muscles sourciliers ; le courage enfin, car sa vaste respiration dénotait une grande expansion vitale."

Google's word-for-word translation is as follows:

"I recognized without hesitation his dominant qualities - self-confidence, for his head stood out nobly on the arc formed by the line of his shoulders, and his black eyes gazed with cold assurance: - calmness, for his skin, pale rather than colored, announced the tranquility of blood; - energy, demonstrated by the rapid contraction of his eyebrow muscles; finally courage, for his vast breathing denoted a great vital expansion."

It seems Mercier was truer to the text with the "rapid contraction" line, but Walter hit the mark in the description of how Nemo's head rises above his shoulders (expanding on "nobly" to mean "like a nobleman"). And he also chose some more fanciful, descriptive synonyms that aren't present in the French language- "ruddy" for "colored/colorée," "swiftly knitting" for "rapid contraction/rapide contraction," "tremendous" for "great/grand."

Walter also restores two paragraphs following this passage which Mercier excised from his translation. These talk about the "harmony of [Nemo's] facial expressions" ("de l'homogénéité des expressions dans les gestes du corps et du visage") and how Aronnax felt "'involuntarily reassured'" in his presence ("Je me sentis « involontairement » rassuré en sa présence"). To that last line, I say- ooh la la. Shame Mercier cut it... (I would also like to know why "involuntarily reassured" is in quotes- is it referring to something that audiences at the time would have been familiar with?)

Also in Walter's translation, Aronnax describes Nemo as "the most wonderful physical specimen I had ever encountered." Now that's homoerotic if anything ever was. In Mercier's translation, Aronnax still seem attracted, but perhaps slightly less dazzled: "This man was certainly the most admirable specimen I had ever met." Verne's original is a bit closer to Mercier's, as far as I can tell: "Cet homme formait certainement le plus admirable type que j'eusse jamais rencontré" (as translated by Google: "This man was certainly the most admirable type I had ever met"). (I now ask if any native French speakers/anyone who didn't just take two years of Duolingo lessons before getting frustrated and giving up, like I did, can chime in on whether these translations I'm getting from Google are accurate or not.)

Finally, here's an excerpt from Walter's translation where Aronnax gushes over Nemo's eyes:

"When this stranger focused his gaze on an object, his eyebrow lines gathered into a frown, his heavy eyelids closed around his pupils to contract his huge field of vision, and he looked! What a look- as if he could magnify objects shrinking into the distance; as if he could probe your very soul; as if he could pierce those sheets of water so opaque to our eyes and scan the deepest seas...!"

To me, this reads very much as "ooh, Aronnax's got a crush." Meanwhile, Aronnax's thoughts are more subdued in Mercier's translation:

"When this stranger fixed upon an object, his eyebrows met, his large eyelids closed around so as to contract the range of his vision, and he looked as if he magnified the objects lessened by the distance, as if he pierced those sheets of water so opaque to our eyes, and as if he read the very depths of the seas."

One line seemed notably omitted here: what about Nemo "prob[ing] your very soul?!" Naturally I had to run to the original text to confirm, and yes, it is there: "comme il vous pénétrait jusqu'à l'âme !" Aronnax also uses exclamation points in this scene, which he doesn't in Mercier's translation, which I've noticed is common throughout- Nemo's "You are my prisoners of war! You attacked me!" speech ends each sentence with a period, as if he's saying everything in a calm, cool, and collected manner. The original text and Walter's translation are considerably more fiery with the usage of exclamation points.

Moving on from Aronnax's physical description of Nemo, I've seen others point out that the offer Nemo makes Aronnax and the ensuing tour of the Nautilus is very Beauty and the Beast/"I can show you the wooooorrrrld" (I know that's from Aladdin, don't worry, I've got my Disney movies straight). Here's Walter's translation of Nemo's initial offer:

"Let me tell you, professor, you won't regret the time you spend aboard my vessel. You're going to voyage through a land of wonders. Stunned amazement will probably be your habitual state of mind. It will be a long while before you tire of the sights constantly before your eyes. I'm going to make another underwater tour of the world-- perhaps my last, who knows?-- and I'll review everything I've studied in the depths of these seas that I've crossed so often, and you can be my fellow student. Starting this very day, you'll enter a new element, you'll see what no human being has ever seen before-- since my men and I no longer count-- and thanks to me, you're going to learn the ultimate secrets of our planet."

This definitely could be read as a romantic overture. How does it compare to Mercier's version of the scene? Well... Mercier actually cut everything following the "land of wonders" line. He also cut what I joked was an "intricate ritual" of Aronnax wanting to touch Nemo in an appropriate way:

"I thought the commander would offer me his hand to seal our agreement. He did nothing of the sort. I regretted that."

The only other moments that immediately came to mind for me to compare the texts were when Nemo told Aronnax that their cabins are right beside each other, and when he singled him out among Conseil and Ned to take him on the tour of the Nautilus. Both of these incidents are very much present in Mercier's translation.

[axilarycobra]

I hate Darkstalker rant

I'm heated rn. Sorry that it's so long. Most posts I write like this end up in my drafts so we'll see if this gets posted or not. Hopefully, people actually read this because I got so heated writing it, I needed to let off some steam now.

TLDR: You can like Darkstalker idc, but he's not a good person so plz don't try to defend him against what I say because he isn't

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Personally, I feel like Darkstalker didn't have any redeeming qualities and I've seen a lot of Darkstalker apologist posts but literally, almost every point they make comes with a 'yeah, but...' statement because there's always something that can be said about Darkstalker that destroys their point.

He undeniably was not a good person and although a lot view him as a well-written character, which I can get a bit of, there are still a lot of elements of his character that just aren't solved by looking at that (? that doesn't even make sense to me entirely).

Like, he was meant to be in love with Clearsight and that was supposed to make him appear to be some kind of morally gray guy ("cause he just wanted what was best for them, right?") but he did not treat her like how you treat someone you love. He gaslit her, manipulated her, guilt-tripped her, and even thought about killing her because her life wasn't even more valuable to him than his silly little animus magic?!? Like what?! He was just power-hungry and needed someone next to him to tell him that everything he was doing was great to boost his ego.

Like, he loved his mother maybe and that's it. Maybe Whiteout. But he also murdered Arctic in front of Whiteout which most likely traumatized her so I feel like he doesn't consider how she feels about her family and he also doesn't listen to her when she tries to warn him. Like, he's always undermining what she says to him. Like, it almost feels like he isn't trying to protect her specifically but rather protect the idea of a family since he also recognized that he could have helped her hatch that night but didn't because he knew that it would mean that she wouldn't be a threat to him if they weren't born on the same night.

On top of that, I know he was meant to be written to be a morally gray character, that was the whole reason for his creation, but nothing he does gives off any vibe that what he's doing could be perceived as the greater good. Just because you see a future where you and your future wife are happy with kids doesn't mean that it's ok to take over a whole continent and destroy the whole balance of peace, killing thousands of dragons in the process. Like, if he literally said that he would have to drag Clearsight screaming and crying in order for that timeline to happen, that seems like a pretty great indicator that he was not doing good stuff in that timeline.

Now, don't even get me started on Darkstalker apologist arguments. They either make claims that can be rebutted easily or are literally making stuff up. Like, there are some Darkstalker apologists who at some point, they have just created an entirely new character that isn't Darkstalker at all. You can't go on about how he did nothing wrong by denying the stuff he did because then that isn't Darkstalker. Like, yeah, if he didn't do all that stuff, he wouldn't be such a bad guy but he DID do that stuff!!! That's why he's a bad guy!!! You can't deny things that are canon when trying to argue that Darkstalker isn't a bad guy within the canon.

Also, there are people who literally just claim Darkstalker's character and blame Tui for ruining him which is absolutely ridiculous because I forgot the part where they actually created Darkstalker and Tui stole him from them. Like, Tui wrote Darkstalker the way Darkstalker is, he isn't some kind of character she took from somewhere. You can't say that she made him wrong, that's literally just how he is. I'm saying this as a writer myself, you will never know as much about a character as the person who made that character. Tui knows a thousand more things about Darkstalker than any of these apologists who pretend like Darkstalker is some voice in their head begging to be released from Tui's vices.

Another thing I see mentioned is how Darkstalker being from an abusive family or being autistic-coded means that Tui believes that people like that end up as bad people which, really? Have you analyzed any other characters in this series? First of all, Darkstalker isn't even in the top 10 most autistic-coded characters of this series (coming from an autistic person myself). There are also plenty of examples of characters who had abusive families (Winter? Qibli? Peril?) and although they have their faults, they all come out not being presented as bad people. That's literally just how Darkstalker himself came out to be. Like, he is just one example of a character with these circumstances and for him, it ended up with him doing bad things. That doesn't mean that everyone who had the same circumstances ends up doing bad things, that's just what happened for Darkstalker specifically.

Anyway, I can't think of any more arguments off the top of my head that Darkstalker apologists use. At the end of the day, if you just like Darkstalker, that's alright, like, don't feel the need to mention it to me you can do whatever you want, it's just the people who try to defend Darkstalker and claim that he was never a bad guy who gets on my nerves because he genuinely isn't.

[uozlulu]

Got to remember I'm technically in some sort of weird generalized anxiety disorder-ish mode and I need to approach professional things with that in mind. Been getting a bit overwhelmed lately and it's not helping. I think I'm very worn thin right now and I'm not completely sure how to recover from it because I've never experienced anything like this before.

Like normally I have some MAJOR ANXIETY and it lasts not even a day. I usually come up with some rational reason I'm feeling it and it just dissipates and I don't do major anxiety again for months. But this has been almost every single fucking day since October 27 and like I know a lot of things it could be but nothing has gotten it to disspell yet and I am not sure.

I really do not have the time or money for GAD so it's like can we plz not no no no

Also possible whatever's causing it is going to kick my ass and then it'll be like "Oh, yeah, okay that's what that was about" but not loving that option at all.

Luckily it hasn't graduated to paranoia like it sometimes does. And it isn't as INTENSE as it was in November, so that's also good. But it's still making me super buggy.

I would almost think it's because I'm going to be 40 in almost a month but I don't think it's that because I've kind of felt 40 for the last like two or three months at this point and it hasn't been bothering me. I do think it could be connected to the recent death though, but at the same time you'd think recognizing that would help disspell it but who knows?

Could even be the fact I've been living in the WRONG body for 30 years or there abouts is finally making me crack. Someone I know recently came out as trans so maybe that's fucking with me. I don't think anyone's prepared for who I will become when I finally hit post-menopause but that's like probably 15 years from now so... but there is a light to the end of that tunnel at least so yay.

Anyway, so many thoughts in my head. So many thoughts. But also like zero thoughts at the same time? Like there's no reasoning to the anxiety. It's just there. Like an endless red alert I can't figure out how to turn off.

I am going to start taking biotin again because we had to scrap getting all the greens we were getting because they started putting too many stems and the occasional weed (!!!) into the products. We also got the kale we've been getting good quality for years recently and it was all brown, which was like wtf wtf wtf. So maybe I just need to up my biotin levels or something. I know they say that B-vitamin levels can affect anxiety, but I do take a multi-vitamin. I got the biotin because my toe nails are breaking off too easily lately. I'm also losing my hair again. Bleh. It cleared things up easy peasy with a half dose last time so I'm sure that'll help this time.

Sorry, this is getting rambly like it's LJ or DW or something. I think that's just indicative of where I'm at mentally right now. I'm a bit over-stimulated and under-stimulated simultaneously.

[werewolfin]

dreams are something your subconscious tries to tell you

the earliest part i remember is trying to turn in homework, only to find that the rain had apparently seeped through the top of my (fully zipped) backpack during the walk up and ruined a massive textbook i needed for class. the homework isn't even done; this is a sheet explaining i did do it, in the teacher's writing, like i stole it off their desk, from another dream of doing the assignment.

"can you afford to replace this [text]? it's $50," the amalgamation of every female english teacher i've ever had asks. i've seen regular books go for that much but never school textbooks.

"yeah?" i respond because at the approximate time frame my family had steady income.

as class is otherwise setting up, i realize i'm missing my shoes and one sock. i steal one (teal, silk, ballerina-style) sock from a nearby desk cubby. i'm wearing it on the wrong foot; the bows are facing inwards rather than out. that's alright because i still got my regular sock on the other one.

dream time gets me and it is now the break between classes. i'm in the (autumn?) quad and someone who i'm supposed to know who now reminds me of ned from spiderman brings up an article about how my ex-girlfriend intends to sue me.

i've never had a girlfriend let an ex but okay, whatever. if she's an ex she's probably got me blocked everywhere. i don't know why this is an article but i start thinking about why it might be. i internally consult my mental soap opera manual.

next scene is me coming back to english class and teacher putting a very round bright green breathing mask on my face. it's not giving me more air, it's trying to vacuum out bad air from my lungs.

"breathe out as deep as you can," which i'm doing even as the teacher explains. i get the sense i probably did this that morning before class and dream time doesn't allow me to remember.

the air that comes out looks like the streaks frequent smokers leave in their clothes. pale dusty yellow-brown in smoke form.

teacher asks if i even brushed my teeth this morning to look like this and i respond that of course i did, idk why it looks that dirty. teacher says i must've (sinned?) done something i shouldn't have.

i immediately confess to looking up an ex on instagram because of an article about being sued (even though i didn't, it was just offered to me). suctioned air is now clear. i get the feeling i'm not only blocked but also under restraining order. i subsequently confess the sock stealing but no one pays it any attention.

next thing i know, it's dark outside the bungalow classroom and there's sound like someone is being beaten by a crowd of people. after a few seconds i recognize my own voice as the one being beaten. my (probably now ex) girlfriend is trying to get the crowd the stop.

teacher is obligated to go outside but instead finds an ipad loudly playing audio. (upon waking, this would mean someone was filming my being beaten and doing nothing; there were no doppler effects on the sounds to indicate rapid movement from recorder). as teacher comes back inside the class, the last bit of audio plays out: it's me screaming "I hate you!" and then the audio cuts.

presumably i went bugnuts and starting cracking skulls or something in retaliation. it'd explain why gf broke up and got a restraining order if the people beating me were people she knew. might even explain why she plans to sue me. doesn't explain why it's (years?) later. maybe it's just that i'm moving on.

periphery pathway lights come on around the quad, even though i've never seen a school that had them. being a bungalow/free standing building built on an accessory basketball court behind most of the school buildings, there should maybe be one singular field spotlight, not multiple tiny ankle-high lights.

i spot several ipads on the concrete at the quad's corners which is why the one by the door sounded like a surround-sound theater rather than a tinny-quality speaker.

me and the other students (mostly boys, some girls) are backing up on the wall further from the door since there are four people standing on the ramp up who are now visible from the low light.

the only door is now a walmart sliding double door which blocks nobody. these people are wearing glee-style pride shirts except they say what they're trying to do in comic sans: one says "kidnapping", another "upward mobility", a third "thesis paper". the one in front of me has one that says "ice cream banana split". i take a moment to say i like their shirt. there is no response.

they all immediately head for the other students, who in the five seconds i looked away from them have all become girls. since one shirt said 'kidnapping' i assume that's what's happening and shout, "get away from the girls!"

i expected SOMEONE to step up with me but no one did. even as i'm doing this, one girl is already being lead/pushed out the door, like i was moving in slow motion all along.

there's no one actually trying to do anything to me so i go to the door to see where everyone else is going, but all i see is a pop up tent with a bunch of elementary kids in it being ranted at by a guy in church formal clothing. what the fuck. (it's only as a i type this that i think everyone is being de-aged THEN kidnapped; i digress).

the teacher hadn't been one of the people pulled outside so i turn back inside to try to get her to help me get everyone back only to find her handing a literal baby to one of the kidnappers who is currently wrestling one of the elementary kids down to handcuff them.

in disbelief, i watch kidnapper roughly grab the baby from teacher's hands and just throw them to the floor in frustration. i lunge in a black out rage to catch them (i'm already too late) and wake up.

and this isn't even the first time i woke up in a rage this week!

THAT dream was me being in an airport with my little sister waiting for my little brothers to show up, only to see them both across the terminal with full length casts on arms and legs AND on crutches! the younger J is holding his older brother M up because J has only one arm and opposite leg in casts while M as them on all four limbs. (crutches are M's for some reason).

the flow of traffic hasn't stopped even though M is sobbing hysterically. i get closer in a hurry trying to find if someone tried to push them down going by but the only person i can make out in the crowd is an old man who is already hobbling with a cane.

i ask M and J what happened but i can't understand M through his crying and J is just shaking his head. following his line of sight I see another J but his casts are on the opposite limbs his doppelganger has.

i'm getting worked up asking who hurt them both but i'm not getting a clear answer and i wake up wanting to hit people.

[great-master-airplane]

what do you define as "doing well" for something you post?

It varies. Usually, I prefer reader reblogs/comments to outweigh the amount of times I've reblogged the post myself for more interaction, which is typically 3-4. Usually, I hide my own reblogs so that it doesn't skew my perception of how well my audience is reacting to the wip/fic.

Let's take yesterday's wip for example. I did a poll two days before the wip that got over 50 votes on it. Sure, a small handful of votes was by the same person, but that was still a reasonable amount of interest in the upcoming wip.

But when it came to the actual wip, I didn't even get half of the interest in the fic that the poll suggested I would. Most of them were likes, which are honestly kinda worthless to me, and two reblogs. I think I've been lucky enough to get one more reblog today.

To me, that indicates failure in some region: either the expectation was for a more popular ship (which probably wouldn't have gotten many notes, either tbh), poor quality of writing, or a lack of general interest in the fic now that the wip has been revealed.

Also in the case of yesterday's wip: I know fyosiglai isn't a popular ship. I know that I can expect less interaction in the long run. But I recognize the names of users who do like or interact with the ship, and if most of them only bother to leave a token like? With no reblog or even a comment in the replies? Then of course I assume something is wrong with either the wip itself or with how I've written it.

Tl;dr: lack of notes or feedback = not doing well

[strikeslip]

When considering the purpose of Kynes in the book, I think it's also important to look at Dune's space feudalism. This feudalism isn't just an excuse for dukes and barons and knife fights, it's also part and parcel with the Bene Gesserit human breeding project, and the greater terrible purpose that Frank Herbert puts above all intentional actions within the book. It's not something you get away from just by stepping into the desert.

The Emperor sits atop Dune's feudal structure, and he sits there because of Salusa Secundus and the Sardukar it produces. House Corrino is said to originate from Salusa Secundus as well. And then repeatedly, we see parallels and connections drawn between Salusa Secundus and Arrakis. I don't just mean that both planets are put forward as a source of the highest possible quality of military recruits, because of their harsh conditions, but also that the Emperor goes about dressed as a Sardukar, which I would argue parallels Paul acting as a Fremen. In the early novel, Duke Leto says of the general idea of a military cult, while speaking of the Sardukar, "It can be done. It has been done on many worlds in many times." He then goes on to point out the Fremen are ripe for this. He doesn't say that the Kynes family are the ones doing this to the Fremen at the time, in part because he doesn't know about Liet and in part because the Kynes family is too weak to be directly militant, but...

In a feudal structure like the faufreluches of Dune, you join a power structure through blood ties. We're not surprised when Paul marries Irulan for the imperial title. To understand the purpose of the Kynes family, you need to recognize that Chani is not just a love match-- as Liet-Kynes' daughter and Stilgar's niece, she's the other half of Paul's power structure. Marrying into the family of the ecologist prophets is part of his legitimacy. But even that is too seemingly-planned to address how the terrible purpose comes into it all, which brings me to the other subtle connection between the Fremen and the Sardukar.

From the same indices that bring us the story of Pardot Kynes, we know that the Fremen are refugees, and moreover, that Fremen traditions say they were slaves on Salusa Secundus for nine generations. We know that House Corrino came from Salusa Secundus and that Duke Leto was a distaff cousin to House Corrino and therefore may also trace his ancestry back to that hell planet. And when Jessica and Stilgar speak after their first encounter in the desert (in a scene that every film cuts and I wish they kept), there's this quote:

What is his ancestry? [Jessica] wondered. Whence comes such breeding? She said: "Stilgar, I underestimated you."

I'd argue this specific attention to Stilgar, Chani's uncle, and Liet-Kynes' brother, is not a coincidence. The feudalism and the breeding project and the terrible purpose are all linked, through Salusa Secundus. The Fremen are part of the wild card, which appendix three calls "the higher plan of which they [the Bene Gesserit] were completely unaware," and which we as readers can name as Paul's terrible purpose, the species-wide consciousness and drive to chaos. Leto II comes from this bloodline.

None of this empowers the Fremen, unless you consider putting the Sardukar on a level with them as a manipulated population to be empowerment. I don't think there's any getting away from the powerlessness that Frank Herbert thrusts upon his characters, except possibly by rewriting the story, which the current films are certainly attempting to do. But Liet-Kynes isn't a random quasi-king figure, and honestly, I'd have taken Kynes considering betraying the Atreides until the Harkonnens forced his hand (a far more viable consideration when you consider him a proto-House-Corrino) and Stilgar's political acumen and status in the books over the clueless Fremen 'southern' fanaticism and lampshading of the white savior plot in the current movies any day.

We lost the tragedy of "I have seen a friend become a worshipper," and we lost Stilgar saying he could absolutely kill Paul if Paul was just another member of the sietch and not also a religious figure, and we lost Hannah going from keeping Paul's coffee service to becoming one of Stilgar's wives and Alia and Jessica's ally. You can't fit all that and the subtle historical lines of descent and the feudalism in a movie and have it be comprehensible to a modern audience (or under five hours, probably). But it's really easy to see how everyone misses the twist on Paul-as-savior when all the movie has to offer in return for what it has removed is complaints that get swept away in one speech, and even Chani walking away at the end can be framed as a romantic betrayal and not a political protest.

Paul Muad’dib Atreides is a really interesting deconstruction of the white saviour trope. But Liet-Kynes, and his father Pardot Kynes play the trope uncomfortably straight. Paul’s arrival seemingly empowers, but at the same time exploits the Fremen, it entangles them in a millenia-long-galaxy-wide imperial power struggle in which even Paul himself is just a pawn. It disrupts their own internal multi-generational project of terraforming parts of Arrakis and reaching paradise solely on their own terms.

So I think it undermines the narrative when we find out that the ambitious terraforming project didn’t actually originate from within Fremen culture and tradition, but from outside, from a scientifically literate off-planet ecologist who immediately understands the nature and possibilities of Arrakis better than the natives. Ugh. Kynes as a scientist-gone-native whose intelligence, wry humour and deep sense of justice allows him to be at home in two cultures right up until the moment when he’s ground to dust by the conflict between them would have been great character. Kynes as Liet, the secret quasi-king of the Fremen is a bad idea, especially with the Marty Stu-ish addition in the appendices that as a young man he killed a hundred warriors and became a sandrider. I would have loved the revelation that his father married a Fremen woman just to create a half-Fremen heir who could navigate both worlds and carry on his terraforming project, I’d love how well it fits with the themes of Bene Gesserit genetic/dynastic manipulations, if it didn’t seriously undermine Fremen agency, and imply that everything cool or smart the Fremen have done, including bribing the freaking Navigators’ Guild to help them hide half their civilisation from the Harkonnens, was an outsider’s idea.

(I like that the 2021 movie cast a black woman as Kynes, but I especially like that they made Kynes cooler but also less powerful, and added multiple brief scene implying that terraforming was an ancient goal and tradition of the Fremen, something that Kynes supported, but didn’t invent.)

[aphrostarot]

Next Significant Relationship Pick a Pile

Who is your next partner and what will the relationship be like?

Please remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Don't force it to fit. I offer paid readings on my page if you would like a personal reading. Prices are listed there. Please message me or email me if you are interested!

(All poems are in Perry Poems: A Collection. You can find it here)

Pile One:

Who is this person? What are they like?

Nine of Winter:

This is the nine of pentacles in this deck. Usually, the Nine of Pentacles represents a woman, but not always. A person represented by this card is highly feminine and an extremely independent individual. They are very hardworking, they appreciate the finer things in life, and their hard work has allowed them to enjoy these things. Your next partner will embody this energy.

King of Autumn:

In this deck, this is the King of Swords. Besides being a hard worker and extremely independent, this person is also calm and collected. Before making any decisions, they weigh the pros and cons of every situation. Your next partner will be someone you can turn to when you have trouble making decisions. They are a very mature individual, someone who is extremely logical and can sometimes appear to be judgmental.

How will you meet?

Three of Spring (Reversed) and The Crow:

One or both of you will be in a state of disarray when you meet this person. It will be difficult to make decisions in your life, maybe even in one particular area. Several directions will be pulling at you, and you won't know which one to take. Your progress in your personal development will be affected by this. The energy I'm receiving from this pile indicates that it will be you who is struggling and that when you meet this person, they will be drawn to you because they feel like they can help you, and ultimately they will.

How will you know it’s them?

The Lupin:

The Lupin is a highly intelligent and confident individual. Here your guides are telling you that the way you will be able to know that this is your person is by recognizing that they exude these qualities. As far as the environment goes there may be some flowers around you when you meet which is a sign to you that this is your person. You or they could be wearing purple as well.

What will your first impression of them be?

The Goldfinch:

The first impression you will have of this individual is that they are a very organized free spirit, willing to travel. Initially, you may be intimidated by their confidence and their refusal to get involved in drama or chaos. Initially, their eyes may also catch your attention and seem beautiful to you. If you are highly spiritual, you may even observe that this person's third eye is open whether they are aware of it or not.

How will they affect you?

Ace of Winter and Queen of Autumn:

When you are with this person, you will find that you have so many opportunities. You will become extremely passionate about your career and life choices. You will become more aware and even more in control of your path. Pursuing your dreams will be so much more fun because unlike in the past, you will know exactly what you want. With this person, you can regain control over your path and enjoy life again.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

The Empty Cottage and Eight of Autumn:

It seems that this relationship may not be a good one. Although this person will provide you with many opportunities in your career, they are not healthy for your mental health. There is a strong possibility that they are very possessive and jealous in your relationship, which isn't healthy. Your anxieties might get worse or they may not understand the reasons for your mental health. The problem is that the person is extremely rational and does not deal with emotions very often, whereas you are an extremely emotional person. Relationships like these do not mix well and you may end up feeling very alone as a result.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

The Lighthouse:

One or both of you may be lacking in the stability department and also in the confidence department. I believe that it may be you that is struggling in this department and your guides are telling you here that this is blocking you from entering this relationship at the moment. I know that with the way that I just described this relationship you may not want to enter this relationship at all and so you may be saying “what is the point of clearing out these obstacles if it won’t be a good relationship.” to that your guides have to say that you are meant to be in this relationship. It won’t all be bad in the relationship, there will be good, especially when it comes to you getting out of a funk and finding joy and drive for your passions. This is something that is needed in order for you to excel in life. This person is meant to help you in your career and your passions, which is why you are meant to be in this relationship.

How to break through those obstacles?

Ace of Spring:

To overcome these obstacles, you need to become aware that this person is going to push you to pursue your passions and career further. You will learn how to succeed in your passions and career through this relationship, regardless of how short it may last. As your guides are telling you here, this is what you need to hold onto so that you can move forward with this relationship.

What will you learn from this person?

King of Winter:

You will learn how to be a successful and driven person through this relationship. It may not be good for your anxieties and your emotions but it will be good for your career. The two of you may have a lot of 10th house overlays in your synastry chart because the energy of this relationship is not at all emotional, it is way more career-centered.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

Pile Two:

Who is this person? What are they like?

The Hermit:

The person may be a Virgo or have significant Virgo placements or energies in their chart, more than likely they are a Virgo Rising. This person is wise beyond their years and prefers their solitude. They are extremely observant, and constantly seek to expand their knowledge. Additionally, they may even have a deep connection to spirituality. All that being said, they are highly sensitive, especially to judgments and criticisms from others.

How will you meet?

King of Swords:

You might meet them at work, and either you or them will have some authority. Based on the energy I am getting from the two of you I believe that it will be them who is in authority. Once you start working for them, they are struck by you and your presence. You are constantly on their minds, and they watch everything you do. The two of you will be following a very common office romance trope.

How will you know it’s them?

Seven of Pentacles:

Your future may not be something you enjoy thinking about or planning. You don't seem to be a type A at all. Your preference is to go with the flow rather than make a solid plan. It might however turn out that, once you meet this person, you have a greater sense of direction and need to plan your future in a more structured manner. It is quite likely that this person is very much a planner and a critical thinker, so when they are around you will be trying your best to impress them. It is for this reason that you will begin to become more like that person. It is also possible that both of you will be wearing red or blue when you meet, which will be a sign that this is your person. Question marks may be involved in your meeting as well. They could be in the environment or you may find that you are very curious about this person which will result in you wanting to ask a lot of questions.

What will your first impression of them be?

King of Wands:

When you meet this person, you will think they are extremely confident. Their ability to lead and their determination to achieve their goals will impress you. As friendly and outgoing as they are, I can tell you that it may seem intimidating at first because you are really hoping that they will like you, and they can be hard to read so you aren't sure what they think of you.

How will they affect you?

The Hanged Man:

Part of you knows that there are aspects of yourself that do not serve you. Despite this, you continue to do nothing about eliminating these toxic behaviors from your life. This person will help you to do this. They do not tolerate toxicity, especially from the person they are pursuing, so when you begin to see them, they will work toward helping you eliminate those behaviors. This enables you to lead a healthy life.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

Temperance:

It will be a very satisfying relationship for you both. Together you will build a solid foundation and live very comfortably. In the end, you'll feel at home with each other, seeing each other as family. Perhaps you both have never experienced something like this before, and for you both, it is a breath of fresh air.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

The Heirophant:

You may be stuck in a pretty traditional mindset especially when it comes to love. In that, you may believe that dating your boss is very unprofessional and that other people will think you are sleeping your way to the top. The last thing that you want is other people viewing you negatively and in your eyes, pursuing this is a disaster waiting to happen. According to your guides, this mindset is currently blocking the two of you from coming together.

How to break through those obstacles?

Page of Cups:

Your guides are telling you here that the way for you to release these blocks is by allowing yourself to feel emotions. You can’t help who you fall in love with most of the time and that is the case with this person. Instead of denying yourself this relationship, your guides are encouraging you to allow yourself to express your feelings, especially when it comes to this person.

What will you learn from this person?

Death:

As we have discussed, you have some toxic behaviors that you refuse to let go of, and this person will help you let go of them. In this person, you will learn how to shed the old side of yourself that doesn't serve you anymore and be transformed into the person you were created to be.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

Pile Three:

Who is this person? What are they like?

The Moon:

This person may be a Cancer or have significant Cancer placements, more than like they are a Cancer Rising. They are a natural daydreamer and will stop at nothing to make their dreams their reality. Because of this, they have very strong opinions about how and what they want their world to look like. They tend to struggle when it comes to trusting other people because they wear their heart on their sleeve and have gotten screwed over quite a few times because of it.

How will you meet?

Nine of Pentacles:

You may meet this person right after you make a significant purchase in your life, whether that is a house, a new car, home renovations, or even garden improvements. They may be the person who helps you get these things done, or you will simply just meet them around this time in your life.

How will you know it’s them?

Five of Pentacles:

It really does seem like you will have just purchased a new home or you will have some renovations in your current home around the time you meet this person. I say this because in the imagery on this specific card you can see a door with a house key. I believe that when you meet this person you will be in a great place financially but they will not be. You may even need to provide this person with a place to stay. You will know it is them because they are in a very dark place when you meet and you will be in a very bright place. This will lead you to want to help them get back on their feet.

What will your first impression of them be?

Eight of Pentacles (reversed):

You may not have a good impression of them when you first meet them. You will think that they are lazy and have a bad reputation, especially when it comes to money. I get the feeling that you will know who this person is because they may be a family friend or a friend’s friend. However, you will not have officially met this person or really gotten to know them, hence you having quite a bad impression of them. I think that someone will ask you to invite them to stay with you and you will say yes even though you don’t want to. This is because in your eyes this person has gotten to their dark place because of their own actions and you feel like helping them will only encourage their behavior. However, you will be wrong about your impression of them and once they come to stay with you, you will see a different side of them and realize this.

How will they affect you?

Ace of Swords:

You will experience many powerful emotions with this person. They will make you hate them so much one day but then the next day you will be madly in love with them. You may have been in relationships in the past that were filled with simplicity and ease. You will experience an entirely new type of relationship with this person, one that will send your adrenaline soaring.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

Eight of Wands:

You two will never grow tired of each other. Even when you are apart, you will always want to stay in touch. Whenever you are with this person, you will feel as if you can tell them anything. With this person, you will feel at ease, and you won't worry about what others think of you because of how comfortable you feel around them. You will be able to fully express yourself around them without fear.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

Three of Pentacles (reversed):

Right now your ego is getting in your way when it comes to this relationship. You may believe that you are better than this person and therefore you do not need them in your life. There is another part of you that may even be struggling when it comes to working in teams, you currently prefer working on your own and do not go out of your way to hang out with other people or work with others. Your guides are saying that this is blocking you from experiencing this relationship.

How to break through those obstacles?

The Tower (reversed):

You have been holding off the inevitable for quite some time now because you fear change and this person will be bringing you to change. Your guides are telling you here that you need to release your fears and allow this person to come forward. They are telling you that they have your best interest at heart and would never bring you something you can’t handle and this person is someone that you are meant to be with.

Two of Cups:

Part of you may think that this relationship will not be true love or you may even believe that you are not worthy of true love and your guides are telling you that you are incorrect. This person will show you a whole new side of what love means and feels like. They say that it is definitely true love, even if it isn’t how you define what true love is.

What will you learn from this person?

Six of Wands:

In your mind, you think you know what success looks like, whether that be in love, or just in life. The only problem is that you are still not expanding your view of what success really looks like, and it will be this person who is able to introduce you to the different facets of success. Through them, you will learn how to truly experience success in all of its glory.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

Pile Four:

Who is this person? What are they like?

Ace of Cups and Strength:

This person may be a Leo or have significant Leo placements, more than likely they are a Leo Rising. They may also have significant water placements. They are extremely confident and courageous. They hold a great deal of power and many people come to them for guidance. They are also extremely romantic and sensitive. They love love and are a huge hopeless romantic.

How will you meet?

The Artist:

It is possible that one or both of you are artists. A gallery opening or an art museum may be the place where you meet. On the other hand, based on the energy I sense that one of you will have your art on display, and you will meet them through the event. You will get along almost immediately since you have very similar views on art.

How will you know it’s them?

High Priestess:

One of you may be wearing blue when you meet, maybe a long blue cardigan or dress. A floral pattern may be significant as well, whether it be wallpaper in the room you are in or someone is wearing it. This is a highly spiritual connection so you will almost just know it is them. You will feel how you have never felt before in their presence, it’s like they awaken your spirituality. You will feel your connection with this person almost instantly.

What will your first impression of them be?

Seven of Pentacles:

This person will seem like an extremely hard worker, someone who is very talented but doesn't see their own talent. You might also think that this person overworks themselves. However, you will also see them as kind and patient. You see this person as someone who has a lot of talent and is going to accomplish so much.

How will they affect you?

The Emperor:

They are very much someone who loves to be in control, and they enjoy bossing others around, especially when it comes to love. It seems that they want to dominate you and make sure you are doing exactly everything they want you to do. They will express a lot of their masculine traits in this relationship. However, it could also be you who expresses all of this rather than them.

What kind of relationship will it be? What is the main bond between the two of you?

The Lovers and Ten of Swords:

True love will be the foundation of this relationship. Both of you will experience the kind of love you have always dreamed of. However, this is not to say that the relationship will be easy, as there will be challenges along the way. However, due to your love for one another, you will get through each challenge together. This relationship may last for a long time.

Current obstacles standing in your way?

Six of Pentacles:

You may be an extremely generous person, especially when it comes to your time and energy. Your guides are saying that this aspect of yourself is hindering your progress towards this person. Yes, it is nice to be generous with the people you care about, but that generosity should not come at the price of your health or sanity. Make sure you are maintaining some boundaries in your life.

How to break through those obstacles?

Two of Wands:

It is time for you to set better boundaries especially when it comes to the people you are close to. You may be scared to set better boundaries because you feel like people will be mad at you. You need to release those fears because if people get mad at you for taking care of yourself, they do not truly care about you. Now is the time to make sure the partnerships in your life are healthy and the first step in doing that is by making sure that the partnership you have with yourself is healthy.

What will you learn from this person?

Eight of Swords:

This person will teach you how to get out of your own way. You have a lot of anxieties and insecurities, especially when it comes to relationships and this person will show you how to heal. Through them, you will learn how to let go of your fears and fully express yourself in a healthy way.

If you would like to see some channeled messages from this person and spirit regarding this relationship click here.

[dreamsister81]

"This is a song called Grace...and one day I was cleaning up my room, and I was thinking that, uh, um, my usual obsession with death and dying, and there can be a point where you really don't care, because there's someone..."-intro at St. Ann's with Gods and Monsters, March 13, 1992

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"This is a song about...it's not about another dream, but it's about not feeling so bad about your own mortality when you have true love..."-intro at Sin-é, July 19/August 17, 1993

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"This is for anybody here tonight, who's ever been stepped on, who's ever been fucked with, but it doesn't matter, because somewhere, there's sombody who has the guts to really love you...no matter what you are, no matter what job you hold...this is called Grace..."-intro at the Black Cat, Washington, DC, August 13, 1994

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"Grace is an important quality. I wrote the song Grace when I had just found out that someone loved me, someone I wanted. Suddenly I was no longer afraid of death, of all the snares and confusion of my life. I've been very abused. By people around me. Especially in LA. I had so many spears in my heart of considerable weight that I carried around with me. And suddenly I looked down and realized that the spears were still there because I hadn't torn them out. And then I did. Nothing mattered anymore. Not the hands that had brought them there, not the heart that had accepted them. I think grace means so much. A grace, for example. 'God is good, we thank God for this food.' Blablabla. But you're also saying grace about a body or a parade. Grace means a lot in people. The ability to look ahead, to maintain warmth, to preserve the part that nourishes life. Or grace as in dancers. You need grace to dance. Besides, I love the name for a woman. Or a man. Yes, I would call my son Grace (joking). My children would love me forever."-Knust interview, September 13, 1994

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"It's about not fearing death or fearing any of those, you know, countless slings and arrows that you suffer sometimes on this earth because somebody loves you. You're not afraid to go, you're not adraid to withstand what you need to withstand because there's a tremendous fuel that you feel regenerating inside because of somebody else's love for you. That's what Grace is about. And just about...life, just about sometimes life being so long. At the time I was anticipating leaving Los Angeles for New York so I was waiting to go, and I'm not afraid to go, I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid to go away from this place or leave any place, but it just goes so slow you know? And I had somebody who loved me in New York. A lot. And it was amazing, still is. (In British accent) Love, lovely love."-interview at the Pacific Club in Antwerp, Belgium, September 21, 1994

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Regarding “Grace,” a song that is indicative of Buckley’s spiritual as well as artistic philosophy, Buckley states, “The song is about being released of the fear of being trod upon by people around you and suffering harm at the hands of others because of somebody loving you for real. You can achieve great heights of purity through somebody else’s love for you.”-Virtually Alternative Magazine no. 5, 1994

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Buckley considers "grace" to be, "the quality about people that matters. Any hardship, any pitfall, any sling or arrow in your direction that you're forced to withstand, any abuse, or any thought of even growing old, you need that quality...grace in men is especially appealing, women are very graceful, but men usually are not, and I like it when I see it in them. It also carries the meaning of having an implication, like the beginning of something or the death, saying grace."-Art+Performance, October 28, 1994

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What does grace mean to you?

Everything that the word carries. Grace is what matters in anything. Especially life, especially growth, tragedy, pain…love, death. About people. That’s what matters. That’s a quality I admire very greatly. It keeps you from reaching for the gun too quickly…it keeps you from destroying things too foolishly. And sort of keeps you alive. And it keeps you open for more understanding. You know, people say grace for dinner, 'God is great, God is good…’ eh, you know. But I see an invocation when I hear that word. And also, it’s like the sound of…

So saying the word grace, invokes a state of grace?

It could, yeah.

Say it now. Let’s see if we can...(laughs)

Hey, don’t make me say it. Don’t make me invoke a state of grace here on this room…(laughs)

But also, the song itself is just a eulogy to no one. About…I always describe it as not fearing anything, anyone, any man, any woman, any war, any gun, any sling or arrow aimed at your heart by other people because there is somebody finally who loves you, for real. And that you can achieve a real state of grace, through somebody else’s love in you, you know. And you’re totally out of fuel, and totally out of understanding…so I said it. It’s a song about my death, but not fearing it.-Much Music, October 28, 1994

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"For me, it's a quality about people that matters most. In the face of adversity, in dealing with others, in love, dealing with enemies, in dealing with death. It's something that transcends, that carries people. Also, I decided the word. But it also...it fit to me because the song is about not fearing death anymore, or even fearing torture on earth because there's finally somebody who loves you for real. And sometimes you can achieve grace through somebody else's belief in you. And grace just sort of...I don't know, if I was writing a death letter, I felt that that was a grace as well, you know, saying grace...or for the dead on earth, or for somebody who's just very broken down. And just a last act of defiance, but also a beautiful prayer. That's what it could be, so I named it Grace."-Japanese interview, November, 1994

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What does Grace mean to you?

It's not religious or mystical. It's very ordinary. That's the thing that makes people divine. That's a quality I appreciate in a person. Especially in a man because it is very rare."-L'indic, March/April, 1995

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"Grace is basically a death prayer. Not something of sorrow, but of just casting away any fear of death. No relief will come you really just have to stew in your life until it's time to go, but sometimes somebody else's faith in you can do wonders."-MTV Europe interview, 1995

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"I see many other colours of sacredness," he says. "And grace is a quality in people that I just enjoy. It's a very human quality."-Sydney Morning Herald: August 25, 1995

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Grace, the title he has given to his first record is “mostly just a quality about people that I enjoy." 

How does he recognize it?

“Ah… sort of... a transcendental soul in somebody's behaviour. Like a soul that's wise… Like somebody who doesn’t stoop to violence so quickly in the face of a problem, because they’re a little bit more potent of a soul. It’s rare,” he stresses.

Has he discovered many people with this quality?

"No!...that are purely like that? Everybody has it at one time or another, it's just like sadness, sometimes people have it, sometimes they don't, but it's something that I love, or, it's something that I need, desperately, because so much shit in your life can be so caustic, it's deadly, and you need to be steady in the way that you live, in order to have your thoughts together. Because basically, it's just fucking survival," he says, making one of his frequent cognitive leaps that leaves me half-baffled. "There's nothing else to it, so you have to be self sufficiently aware. And that's something you lose from time to time, but you have to get it back, otherwise you don't live very well. I think there's a graciousness about people, I especially like it in men, because it's totally rare."-Beat magazine, August 30, 1995

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Grace is the title of your album. What does it mean to you?

"Grace there meaning a prayer like a death prayer - not being afraid of it, sitting totally immersed in trouble and all those crappy slings and arrows that come to you in regular life, and then someone begins to love you for real, and instead of wishing for death, even thinking about it, it's not a factor at all. Death meaning relief."-Rip It Up, February 1996

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"Rise Up to Be" opened up with a cascade of notes like rain on a fretboard, then dove into a rugged melody with enough rocky crevices for a mountainside. Singing along, Jeff retitled it "Grace," inspired by the time he and Moore said their goodbyes at the airport on a rainy day. "The rain is falling and I believe my time has come/It reminds me of the pain I might leave behind," Jeff sang. With its images of a woman crying on his arm and of his contemplating mortality, the song equated love with pain, rebirth with death.-from Dream Brother

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The explanation of this Buckley lyric was just as ambiguous as that for "Mojo Pin". The most common read was that he was spelling out his sorrow at being briefly separated from Moore, but Buckley loved to mess with his audience-at various times he'd introduce "Grace" as "a song about my death, but not fearing it" and, during an early Gods and Monsters show, as "(my) usual obsession of death and dying". While playing at Sin-E he'd declare it to be "a song about not feeling so bad about your own mortality when you have true love". Buckley seemed to have even less of a clue of its true meaning at a Chicago show in 1995 when he went into the following rant before playing the song. "Shit's happening now," he said. "It's all about now, now, now. Bigger, faster, sweatier, whiter, blacker, gracer." Lucas wrote both songs as "inspirational messages" for himself and Buckley.-from A Pure Drop (of course, the context of the rant isn't mentioned, and imo the "gracer" is merely a segue 😑🙄🙈)

[kanmom51]

Hi I follow and like your blog and I just wanted to share my point of view since you are open to differen't ones. I used to think Jungkook is shy but after watching his lives and their documentaries, I don't anymore. He's one of the members who often bring up his talent, skills and success. Like in his lives, more than once, he brought up that him mentioning he uses Downy, a certain hair oil and recently the kombucha lemon Tae, has caused these items to outsell. In their documentaries, the 2018 one, he literrally said that he feels bad for members have difficulties doing things he does with ease bcause of his natural born talent (and I mean he is the main vocal and lead dancer) And in a recent one, I think a Japan DVD, when asked what he thought was his quality/specialness, he said that he is talented in multiple things. I think it's great that he recognizes his power and that he isn't affraid to say it. My point is these words said with so much ease without a hint of self consciousness don't indicate shyness. A shy person wouldn't say these things because it draws more attention to themselves becuase he was saying them to millions watching and/or in the presence of staff and crew around him. Another thing that comes to my mind is when some ARMY complained that they didn't like his jogger jeans he used to wear with the Timberland. He went on a fansign, with his whole chest and mic on and told them I know you don't like them and want me to stop wearing them but I like them I will continue wearing them lol. Another instance is when fans kept calling him Oppa when they were older than him and he was very sassy to them and told them he'd start checking IDs! (Look up the fancams please, he was so cute). This again isn't the behaviour of a shy person. Jimin had the same exact situation where a girl told him she was a couple of years older but wants to call him Oppa and his response was that he likes being called Oppa. Also caught on fancam, I'm just lazy to look them up. What so many people interprete as shyness in Jungkook, I see as being jittery and bored and maybe a little anxious because he doesn't like sitting still in interviews or whatever other activity where he has to sit quietly for a relatively long time. Also this is the guy who used to shout his answers in interviews (I like country side and Charley Puth with a little dance!). Again no hint of self-consiousness and just reiterates his answers (If it's Jimin, he keep quiet or dissolves into giggles, hiding his mouth and melting into chairs or floors). He could also be anxious to do other things he is more interested in or get to things that need to be done in their schedule. I will close this essay (lol) by saying that in contrast, Jimin never says or behaves like that and I do think he is shy when it's things that relate to him individually and directly but he puts on a bravado. His shyness becomes significantly less when it is about other people he cares for and his relationships and this might be because of his personality and the past two years, more than onces, he implied that his priorities in life changed from his career to his relationships and his people.

I think the mistake we are making is thinking there is one type of shy, and that’s a wrong way of looking at it.  

The dictionary definition of shy is:

“nervous or timid in the company of other people.”

It’s not “insecure” or “lacks self confidence”.  And I know we sometimes tend to mix these up, because there are many people that these two come intertwined (me in the past as well), but it’s not always true.

JK has said in the past how he struggled with showing his real self and felt like he had to wear a mask around people.  Shouting out how good you are, how talented you are, may be part of that mask.  Not saying it is, but that may be part of his ‘act’.

In more recent interviews JK has stated he was dealing with his shyness.

As one anon wrote to me, if a member is telling us something, we should believe them.  So if JK tells us he is shy, why not believe him?  Same with JM, and I accept that.

This isn’t a competition between the members who is shyer.  And it doesn’t have to be a contradiction if both JK & JM are shy on one level or another.

Both have totally different personalities, and their shyness manifests itself in different ways.  I get that now.

[thebrownbabywitchisback]

A Relationship Reading For Those Meant To See It!!!

I originally made this spread to help predict when an upcoming romantic encounter would take place and what the nature of the relationship would be like. However, I have found that this spread can work well with deity, familial, and friendship readings. So, as you read this, broaden your expectations, as the spread is not limited to romantic relationships!

Also, before we get started, I want to ask that if you relate to any significant portion of this reading, your feedback would be incredibly useful and appreciated by me!

1) Who is the person in question? 4 of Swords, Ludo

The 4 of Swords can represent someone who is wise and isn't afraid to move slowly. This can be a very positive attribute. It shows that they are someone who works at a steady pace and isn't afraid to follow someone who knows a little better than them. This doesn't mean that they are perfect. Like Ludo, we are all capable of lashing out at the wrong people as he does upon first meeting Sarah. However, once this person can identify that a person means no ill-will, they have no problem putting their trust in them.

This person might have a history of trauma. They might have gone through troubles regarding family, work, financial, or health troubles recently. Because of this, sometimes they prefer to work out their problems alone. They like to step away and really evaluate what's going on with themselves and determine the best way to tackle their problems themselves. This is nothing against you, by the way. Some people just work better alone when it comes to these kinds of things. Personally, I feel like it's okay to check in on this type a person. A simple "Are you okay?" or "Is there anything I can do to help?" is fine, but if their answer is that they are okay and they prefer to be alone, it is best to respect that.

2) How does this person see you? 9 of Wands, Jareth and Sarah

The 9 of Wands suggests that this person sees you as resilient and strong--No matter what obstacles life throws your way, they find you still standing and they admire that about you.

This card, however, also comes up when a person has trouble setting boundaries. Being admired by others can be great, but it could also often put you on the receiving end of jealousy or high expectations. Some people might try to attack you or they might not understand that you are a human and not perfect. This could mean the person in question might have trouble understanding personal space or realistic expectations when it comes to you or it might mean they recognize this in others who surround you.

It is interesting that Jareth and Sarah in the ballroom scene is pictured on this card, as Sarah has high expectations for Jareth (as he rants about later in the movie) and Jareth has trouble when it comes to boundaries with Sarah--So, this might be something to keep in mind with this person.

3) Where or when do you meet/does this person have the strongest influence over you? 8 of Pentacles (reversed), Wise Man

You likely will meet/have met this person at a time when your focus was self-improvement. This card could also mean that this person is there to cheer you on when you find yourself at this point. This card also tends to suggest not to strive for perfection. A teacher once told me to always strive for excellence rather than perfection, because perfection is impossible while excellence is obtainable. This person might be there to let you know when you are working too hard and they might try to divert your attention away just to encourage you to take a break. It could also be you that does this for them or maybe both of you fulfill this need for each other.

I think the Wise Man's words fit perfectly with this card: "The way forward is sometimes the way back. Quite often, it seems like we are not getting anywhere when in fact, we are!"

Don't work yourself too hard when you feel like you are not getting anywhere. Don't feel afraid to step back for a while or retrace your steps when you feel lost. You'll get to your goal soon! Try not to worry too much about it.

4) What is the nature of your relationship? Queen of Cups, Sara

I LOVE that this card showed up for the nature of your relationship. This card means that one or both of you is really passionate and caring. Obviously, this is a good quality for a relationship. One or both of you has really good intuition and can sense the needs and feelings of the other person. One or both of you is incredibly giving, but you also recognize when too much is too much. Judging by the appearance of 9 of Wands, however, I'm going to guess that this more describes the other person in the relationship.

The appearance of Sarah on this card, I think, is fitting, especially with the scene she is in. She might follow her heart in searching for Jareth in the masquerade, but when she is given a reality check by the chime of the clock, she knows to break away. Ultimately, at the end of the movie, she defeats Jareth by the phrase, "You have no power over me!"

I think this is important to keep in mind in your relationship. One or both of you might be passionate about caring for the other, but that doesn't make the other person a doormat. It is always important to establish boundaries and respect them!

5) What are the obstacles of your relationship? 5 of Swords (reversed), Jareth

This card reversed indicates to me that one of your main obstacles might be that one or both of you is/are very opinionated. Perhaps things can get so heated that one or both of you will argue to the end with hopes of "winning" the argument, but this is no good. In these situations, there is no gratification in winning, as someone is going to likely end up hurt.

This card can also mean that one or both of you has had some struggles in your life recently and the trauma from those struggles is following you into this relationship. Judging by the 4 of Swords showing up to represent the other person in your relationship, my guess is that this likely describes them. These past traumas might present a challenge to your relationship. Since this card could also suggest the opening of an old wound, I think it's best if I give you a warning: At some point, you may do something to trigger this person and their reaction may match that of someone who has been triggered! This doesn't mean that you do it intentionally, but their reaction might cause discomfort and tension. Your initial reaction might be to get angry at them. Words might be said by one or both of you and things might be done by one or both of you that are regretted later. If you both are mutually interested in keeping the relationship moving forward, it is best for you both to cool off, talk through your problems, and most importantly apologize and discuss how you can handle the situation better in the future.

It's fitting that Jareth appears on this card. He's a very charming character who is obviously interested in Sarah. However, he is constantly putting Sarah in danger because he believes this is what she wants, which explains his exhaustion by the end of the movie that Sarah isn't responding positively to the way he shows his interest in her.

6) The outcome of the relationship. 10 of Swords, Jareth

Yikes! It looks like someone is going to get hurt at the end of all of this!

The 10 of Swords comes when something is going to end in pain. Someone is going to be or feel betrayed. It also might suggest that your initial reaction to this pain is to curl up and accept the role of victim. I think this is okay, because when we are hurt, we are the victim. However, even if the other person hurts you, this card is encouraging you to pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of the other person, and move on as a stronger person with more life experience. And of course, this is not going to be easy, but you will eventually move on a better person.

Keep in mind that you might be the one doing the hurting too, so it's important if this is the case that you take time to allow yourself to acknowledge what you did wrong. It can be easy to poin the finger and play the blame game, but doing this helps no one (especially yourself). The feelings you have surrounding this are important to keep in mind when moving forward. Think about how it feels to hurt another person and to see them hurt, and know this is not something you want to repeat again.

Again, don't be like Jareth. At the final showdown between him and Sarah, he is quick to point fingers and point out everything he feels that she did wrong and how everything he did to put her in danger was for her. Obviously, as an outsider, we can see this is incredibly manipulative. Don't do this!

Also, I want to add that I don't believe card readings are ever set in stone, so even though this spread *today* says this relationship will end in pains, there is always a chance that something could interfere and change the outcome. However, it might also be good to keep this ending in mind to soften the blow if it eventually does happen. Another option is if you want to maybe avoid the potential pain to keep this person at arm's length. Ultimately, you have to decide what is most comfortable for you moving forward. Go with what your instincts say first and *maybe* consider what this reading says.

[sagebodisattva]

Open Individualism and the Platypus

So let's talk a little about open individualism, the view in the philosophy of personal identity, according to which there exists only one numerically identical subject, which is everyone at all times. I'm sure that this idea doesn't sit well with the majority of you, as I'm sure most of you like to fancy yourself a special little snowflake; a unique outstanding individual who is markedly different then everyone else. This would constitute the definition of individuality, would it not? Well, let's look at it. Because it's this type of thinking that has the world divided in a major way.

We look at other people and judge them for their conditions, but this assumes that their conditions are unquestionably below, or beyond us, that somehow, because we are on a different path, that we are in a superior position; a position that is holier then thou. Now I say "condition" instead of karma, because karma is a term that comes with a load of connotations, but really, that's all really karma means: a current condition. And yeah, a condition can change based on many factors, like actions, thoughts, and intentions, which will potentially bring varying results. Causes that bring effects that result in a condition. Karma is a distinction specialized to highlight the condition of sentient creatures specifically, which is why the term was coined, rather then just using a word like condition. Like we wouldn't speak about an object's karma because, even though an object does have a condition, it can't make choices to influence it's condition.

But I bring up karma, because people toss it around so often, and recklessly, even going so far as to act like they are some kind of karma police or something. You hear and read these things all the time on the internet, with statements like:

“Karma's a bitch!”

“Yeah, fuck with me and karma is gonna kick your ass three times over!”

“Yeah, he got what he deserved, karma caught up with him!”

Can we please stop with this nonsense already? Karma isn't some punishing judgmental force that roams around the planet doling out discipline. And who are you to be speaking like some representative of karma who can warn people on it's behalf? As if you are some close friend of karma, which will make it especially pissed off, if someone out there dares to mess with you. Would you stop it? Karma is a condition, not some metaphysical weapon to wish upon someone.

There's that vindicate merciless judge, so eager to assign sentences and carry out executions. And now, able to send the karma thug to torture you in the name of justice.

“Yeah, karma's a bitch, then you die!”

Once again, we only say these things because we assume a separation. We like the “us and them”, paradigm, and engage in otherization as often as we can. But what if the person that you assume is an “other”, was really just another version of yourself? Then what? Oh my goodness, perish the thought.

“Oh no, that just can't be. I'm six feet tall. I have an IQ of 115. I am of English descent. I am a male. I am a republican. I am Catholic. I am upper class. I am an exclusive member of the secret society Brotherhood of the Enlightened Platypus!”

Sigh.

You might agree that this kind of arrogance is ridiculous to hang a hat on, but it's even doubly more ridiculous considering all of these types of identifications are patently false.

“How's that?”

That's right. These types of identifications are a steaming pile of platypus shit.

“Oh but what do you mean? Are you saying that I'm not a tall, smart, high class catholic, republican English male that's part of the platypus society? ha ha ha.”

That's right. That's exactly what I am saying. In all actuality, you are none of those things. These are little identification teats for little non-existent suckling piglets. And what makes it triply worse, and often inspires the urge to vomit all over the computer screen, is all these bickering stalwarts, engaging in venomous discourse over mundane illusory identifications. And you know what I'm talking about; as most of you listening to the sound of my voice right now, are engaged in some type of superficial attribute mongering. Whether it be along the lines of gender, sexuality, race, religion, politics, or class may vary, but one way or another, you are in some sort of camp. A camp with an erected flag. And so, no, you are not neutral. You are not unbiased. Hence, you are un-objective.

But you have opinions and express them with an impassioned obsessive fervor! And oh what beautiful farts they are! Such a vile stink; it’s grotesquely curious, yet wretchedly repulsive. The cold cruel savagely ferocious need to personify a perceived enemy, and attack them, is unparalleled. And drama, aggression, pawnage, and condemnations, quickly follow. Yeah. You all go ahead and claw each other's eyes out, I'll be sitting at ringside with popcorn. Good luck with that and lemme know how that works out for you. Much ado about nothing.

But with a little compassion, and a birds eye view perspective, you would see how any person’s life or experience, could be your own life or experience, and that the only real difference is circumstance. You can only look at someone else's life and confidently assess it, (and make bold claims about what they should do, or what you would have done, or what you would never do,) because you are doing so from your own biased snapshot. It's not accurate and it's not helpful. You can't honestly look at someone else's life, like say a serial killer, and say you'd never do that, because you are not them; you don't know their experience, you don't know their circumstances, and you don't know their path.

Same goes with bigoted presuppositions. It's ironic that many of the same people, who dig the idea that they are distinguished in their identity, also, at the same time, have the tendency to generalize entire groups of people that are deemed to be "other", and make wide sweeping generalizations based on inductive reasoning.

Oh, but it's not bigoted if it's true, right?

Bullshit. More then likely you live in a bubble.

Being from New York City myself, I can personally attest that stereotypes are false, but often appear true; not because of innate qualities, but merely because of pack mentality. Sheep herd together, and are conditioned to want to belong to the group, and hence, copy and emulate patterns, behaviors, and memes of the herd. Monkey see, monkey do. But when you get into the larger cities, where people are more sophisticated, you have more cases of so called “different people “, who all live and interact with each other, and this is where people can start to break free from their cultural bubbles and define themselves as individuals.

I know this gonna come as a complete shock to some of you, but not all Irishmen are alcoholics. Not all Asians are good at math. Some whites can dance really well. Some blacks are intellectuals. Not all Jews worship money. Not all Muslims are terrorists. Not all Mexicans are illegal.

There's only one generalization that is absolutely true: people that generalize other people are assholes.

This is why you have so many people out there that are so eager and enthusiastic to judge other people, and want to assert that superficial aspects of a classified type are indicative of some kind of fixed inner nature of being. This is the basis of contemporary bigotry and discrimination. And it's a giant lie. You are not a gender. You are not a sexuality. You are not a race. You are not a religion. You are not a person, or a human. These are all equally false identifications of illusion. And investing into them is delusion. You are awareness. And so is he, so is she, so is the he/she, so are they, so are you, so are us, and so are them. You are that which is imagining a dream; you are not any of the inventory items within a dream.

This is water. This is a good metaphor for pure potentiality, the essence of what we are. We are the same. Undivided. Non-separate. We are one. So then what is the problem? The problem starts with: this is a man, this is a woman, this is a black person, this is a white person, and this is a transsexual person. This is a platypus. Oh wow. My my, look at all these different people. This one is different then that one, and that one is better then this one. This one would never do what that one does, and that one is superior to all the other ones. Oh really. And then what does death reveal? Here's the man. Here's the woman. Here's the black. Here's the white. Here's the transsexual. Here's the platypus. Wow, yeah, you sure are different and special. You sure are distinguished from all the others.

Can you now see how complete and utter nonsense all this is?

One of the hallmarks of being deeply in delusion, is the inability to see beyond the surface of things. Pure awareness is the true self, and is what unifies all sentience. It is the selfhood that is identical within all sentience. And this is why open individualism is already the case, not a theory.

Empty individualism, the view that personal identities correspond to a fixed pattern that instantaneously disappears with the passage of time, is false, because awareness is not ultimately bound to a fixed pattern, there's no such thing as time, and the essence of our being does not vanish upon death. Only a form undergoes a change. Pure potentiality is always so.

And the same goes for closed individualism, the common view that personal identities are particular to subjects, and yet survive time. It might be said that a particular identity might be associated with a particular form, but no manifested appearance is permanent, and so has no way to survive non-existent time.

The fundamental experiencer is never erased. It is the "I" in all of us. Experiences come and go, but not the "I" that receives all experiences. The "I" recognizes all as reflections of self. Within us all, is identical selfhood, preceding the bag of meat, and the personified characterization. The "I" that is aware of all phenomena, including the persona. That, which is before being, and all comings and goings.

“I", am that.

[aphrostarot]

Future Self Pick a Pile

What does your future self have to say to you?

Remember that this is a general reading and some things may not apply to you. Do not try and force it to fit. If you would like a personal reading I am currently offering free readings. Dm me if you are interested!

Pile One (Fuchsite):

Who are you currently?

The Chariot:

You are constantly striving to achieve your dreams. Constantly on the move, never stopping for anything. You are extremely strong-willed and fearless. Despite not yet fulfilling all your dreams, you are confident nonetheless.

What does your future self have to thank you for?

Temperance:

Since you are constantly striving for success, you don't have time to strive for happiness. You instead live a life of contentment. This is good. The degrees of happiness fluctuates, but contentment is a state of equilibrium, which means there is less risk of things going wrong. Your future self wants to thank you for this. Your constant state of equilibrium has helped you become who you are meant to be.

What does your future self want you to focus on?

Emperor:

Emperors are in charge, and they are surrounded by people who listen to what they have to say. Your future self says that you need to focus on taking charge and being in control. Your future self is showing me that you are in a position of authority and that you should practice being a boss now in order to improve your leadership skills for the future.

Page of Swords:

The Page of Swords is a signal that someone in your life does not have your best interest at heart. They are spying on you in order to feed the people who do not like you. Your future self wants you to pay attention to this, to concentrate on finding out who it is; if you know who it is then you can either try to free yourself from that person or fix the relationship. Note that this person does not have to be literally in your life; they can also be someone who follows you on social media.

What does your future self want you to cut out?

Ten of Pentacles:

From the energy I feel coming from you, I get the impression that you are a person who, yes, keeps moving toward their dreams of success, but you are also always changing what you view as successful. You never stop to realize that who you are right now is who your past self never dreamed you could be. You need to realize that your future self does not recommend this mindset. It's important to slow down and realize what you've accomplished.

Some advice your future self has for you:

Queen of Wands (reversed):

If the Queen of Wands is reversed, it indicates someone who is demanding, vengeful, jealous, selfish, and a bully. In your life, perhaps you know someone like this, and your future self wants you to let this person go since you know deep down that this person isn't healthy for you and shouldn't be in your life, so now's the time to do so. Some of you don't know who this person is, which means that your future self wants you to know that if you don't heed their advice, you will become this person.

Oracle:

Storm:

Every hurricane has an end, says this card. Your future self is telling you that you should maintain your equilibrium and not stress too much about whether you will succeed or not. If anything bad happens in the future, your future self wants you to know that you will get through anything that comes your way.

Shark:

In this card, the message is that you need to get out of this situation quickly. When you hold the mentality that you are constantly striving for success, you will never allow yourself to slow down and realize that where you are now is what your past self could never have imagined.

Pile Two (Amethyst):

Who are you currently?

Eight of Wands:

Currently, you are highly motivated to achieve your goals, and you aren't afraid of change. You are moving through life very quickly. Your motivation comes from your excitement about what lies ahead. Additionally, you may have noticed that your communication has been much better lately than it has been in the past. You're more motivated to write, post on social media, and respond to emails.

What does your future self have to thank you for?

Queen of Swords:

This Queen doesn’t let anyone walk all over them and everyone around them knows where they stand with them. Those are the qualities that define you. Being an advocate for yourself and making sure you are treated properly are two of your strengths. Your future self wants to thank you for that.

The Lovers:

Given that you know what kind of treatment you deserve, it makes sense that you love yourself. The most important thing is to love yourself. In your eyes, if no one likes you, then it is okay because you love yourself. Because you give yourself that kind of love, you know what kind of love you deserve. Your future self wants to also thank you for that.

What does your future self want you to focus on?

Ace of Cups:

Since you know what kind of love you deserve, you refuse to settle for less which is great, but you have reached a point in your life where you believe no one will ever be what you need, so you have stopped looking. Your future self wants you to start looking again because there is someone out there that will give you the love you deserve. According to the energy I'm receiving from them, you will find someone one day who makes you happy and loves you the way you deserve. They don’t want you to give up on love because you may miss out on this.

What does your future self want you to cut out?

The Sun:

Presently, you think that only you can make yourself happy, and that is not a healthy way to live. Let other people make you happy because that's what your future self wants. It is not necessary for you to be the only one in your life. It is okay to let others in.

The Well:

This goes along with The Sun. Taking care of yourself does not necessarily mean you're the only one doing it. It's okay to let other people into your life. It is okay to let other people care for you.

Some advice your future self has for you:

Eight of Cups:

Your future self wants you to let go of the idea that you only have you in your life and that is how it will always be. They want you to accept others into your life, accept love from others because others can give you the love you deserve it doesn’t have to always be you.

Two of Pentacles:

They want you to have a sense of balance in your life. Although you have been alone for so long and that is what makes you happy, there may still be a part of you that hopes someone will break through your walls and make you happy. The problem is that you never allow anyone into your life, so this never happens. According to your future self, you need to find balance, and the best way to do this is to slowly let people into your life.

Oracle:

Feast:

This card urges you to slow down and enjoy your life. You've been living life so fast and focusing on making yourself happy that you haven't realized how much you have accomplished. You are constantly on the move trying to fill the void that you do not realize how much you have accomplished for yourself. It is important to your future self that you slow down and acknowledge how far you have come.

Escapist:

This card's message is to come home to yourself. You have been running for so long trying to fill your void that you don't even realize where you are now. Take a break from that constant running and recognize that you don't have to fill that void constantly by running, but taking a break can fill it too.

Pile Three (Amazonite):

Who are you currently?

Five of Pentacles:

Currently, you are going through a very dark period. There have been many sudden losses for you, and this has made you very depressed. The last few months have been tough for you and you haven't felt like yourself because of it.

What does your future self have to thank you for?

Seven of Swords:

No matter what you've been through in your life, you've never let it stop you. No matter what happens, you continue to fight and stand your ground. As the card of betrayal, you may have had someone in your life who was not healthy for you, they did not treat you the way you deserved. Your future self wants to thank you for being so strong and overcoming all of your struggles.

What does your future self want you to focus on?

Knight of Wands:

The card of enthusiasm. Although your future self knows that you have endured a lot in your life, they say that now is not the time to give up hope because you will get through this. Your focus should be on finding enthusiasm for your life again, that's what they want.

What does your future self want you to cut out?

Seven of Wands:

The Seven of Wands is the card of fights. Someone in your life is causing you a lot of drama. You should cut this person out of your life, according to your future self. They say they are not healthy for you and that your life will be much better when they are not around.

Some advice your future self has for you:

The Sun:

It's time to find happiness again. The most important thing is to figure out what makes you happy right now and to allow yourself to feel that happiness because yes, you have been through a lot, but that doesn't mean you don't need happiness because you do.

Oracle:

Homeward:

This is the card that tells you to take yourself out on a date. To love yourself in the way that you deserve because you do deserve it. Take care of yourself right now. Do something that makes you happy. Do a self-care night, run a bath or shower, lather yourself up in some nice smelling lotion, and put some comfy clothes on. Watch a movie or tv show that you have always wanted to.

Sun:

The sun can always be painted back into your sky. It is up to you to discover and pursue your own happiness. It is not necessary to live in sadness forever. Remember that good mental health is a journey, not a destination. You can get through this, and there will always be things that make you happy. All you have to do is figure out what they are right now. Finding something new to make you happy will assist, it doesn't need to be what made you happy in the past.

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