#But ONLY in the daytime so no one else gets sent to their rescue lmao

[phoenixcatch7]

I'm just imagining LBH and Damien going out together on a shopping trip, only to be kidnapped by a random criminal gang, hoping to hold them ransom for a huge pile of money. Criminal calling up SQQ: we have your husband and your son. If you ever want to see them again, pay us X amount of money. SQQ: could you pass the phone to my husband and kid, please? The criminal thinking that he wants proof that they have them, does it. SQQ: please don’t kill them. LBH: 😈. Damien: 😈

Oh that would be so funny!

The ONLY reason those two would get kidnapped is if lbh recognised a 'wife plot' as shizun calls it and wanted to try being the wife for a change XD. Yes, he weighed it against the possibility of sqq finding out his blood son wasn't kept safe but he's already given the kids blood so there's nothing he can't regenerate short of decapitation and Damien is even more capable than canon due to cultivation training (though he's been forced to accept he'll never reach immortality), so he convinces Damien to play dead and get batman to come and rescue them. Unfortunately for him ransoms can be sent a lot quicker this day and age, and when sqq gets the call he just:

Bruce Wayne, world's most oblivious playboy bachelor and simultaneous kiddie caretaker, absently answering his phone in the meeting he should have it off during: Hello~ how can I help ^^?

Kidnapper: Mr Wayne, hello. We have your husband and your youngest son.... If you ever want them back I'm sure we can arrange something... Say... A deposit of twenty million to this account -

Bruce Wayne, over the sounds of shock and horror around the table: uhuh, uhuh, can you put me on to them please?

Kidnapper: uh... Sure, let's hear them beg.

Innocent civilian softboi Brucie, politely: sweet ones, how are you? Did they tie you up too tight? I hope not. Anyway, don't kill them, yes?

Kidnapper, taking the phone back: oh >:) we won't, if of course you carry out the transfer -

The Most Civilian And Harmless Man This Death Pit Of A City Has Somehow Produced: oh no not you ^^! My darlings! They agreed to no murder! Self defence is an exception, of course, but don't get any blood on their clothes!

Kidnapper: hey, wait -

Immortal Demon Empress Xiu Ya: *hangs up the phone before the sound of extreme violence reaches the ears of the trembling stock holders* Anyway ^u^ I do believe we need to discuss point 3 dot 4 8 on this list again, specifically the section describing the effect on battery life? If you could go over it just one more time please, I'm sure I'll understand where precisely you assume the money is going to come from :)?