#But I can't draw these two and I felt so drained of my motivation and energy

[federthenotsogreat]

Fawful Month day 17: 🍭Sweet Dreams

"Good night. Fawful is wishing you dreams of sweetness!"

[divinecomedyproductions]

RWBY Saints of Remnant Notes: Adam Taurus, Surrogate Brother, Liberator, and former slave worker

WARNING: This post contains is a radically reimagined Adam Taurus in a positive light in a heavily reimagined RWBY AU and has cliche and a ship that may turn you off due to Canon, if Canon Adam has given you a permanent bad taste in your mouth, I understand, this is an AU, just please do not come in with bad faith and ignore me instead.

Said AU is connected to The Emperor-Verse

Now following my altered Jack Schnee is Adam Taurus

Now given the whole grievances the RWDE tag as made about him, and looking back on him myself, I'd had figured there were two options for him, at least in my opinion

Either make him anti-villain or initial antagonist turned ally, which I have chosen for the latter. Either way, I threw out him being Blake's ex because I honestly thought it was kinda dumb and melodramatic.

Though FRWBY as I heard has done a good job tweaking that to make it work as well as Adam as a villain.

But I chose to go for something else, Adam being something of a surrogate older brother for Blake instead.

For this specific backstory, Adam is from Mistral, from a small village led by his father, a respectable Huntsman.

Now I'm trying to figure it out but with my Altered SDC and Jacques post, Arthur Gray(Watts) megacorporation GigaWatts Incorporated has outsorced work, and much like the SDC in Canon!RWBY Adam's family worked at one of their factories in the East under poor working conditions which claimed the life of his parents.

Adam much like his Canon counterpart, also worked pretty much as a slave, and his eye injury I chasing between either branding or a factory accident.

Now this draws on Fritz Lang's Metropolis which I feel like doesn't get enough love, and I will use this clip along with Metropolis when I get to post about the not-so-good doctor, his mega-corporation, and the current state of Atlas later.

But basically, Adam was emotionally drained at that point. A zombie of a young man who felt hopeless.

One day in his younger days The White Fang's Eastern Branch attacks the factories. And the one leading the charge was the current White Fang leader, a spider Faunus by the name of Rina Kumokage(first name a placeholder) and her second-in-command Sienna Kahn. Seeing them in action reinvigorated and inspired him and joined them instantly when the two offered a hand.

However, this wouldn't be the liberation that he thought it was, at least not entirely.

Rina's leadership was questionable over in the East while the other branches of the other three corners were busy, Rina seemed to be driven more by politics than the morals of common decency, and had abusive tendencies towards Adam and later on Blake whom she also took under her personal tutelage due to knowing her late father Kuroto(aka Ghira) who was a high ranking member of the White Fang.

But it wasn't all bad, for while Kumokage was a cruel teacher, Kahn on the other hand was the closest thing he had for a mother after losing his parents, and she herself was often downplayed by the current WF leader.

Soon Adam began to realize Rina saw the White Fang as a means for political power, a demagogue exploiting a legitimate cause for mercenary motives. But he wished for no outside help, for reasons I am trying to figure out, but partially the same reasons for Blake of being introverted, not to hurt those close to him.

Now for his allusion, there's always been the argument he was the beast and Blake was the Beauty

But after remembering an analysis post I can't remember where on Tumblr I figured

What if Blake and Adam were both the Beast? like a collective allusion? Which is based on my RWBY collective allusions theory but that's another post for another day.

Adam's individual allusion however is not the Bull Demon King, but Red Boy, with his late parents being The Bull Demon King(his Father) and Princess Iron Fan(his mother), both of their lessons sticking to him. So unlike his canon counterpart while his sanity may had been bent, it wasn't broken.

Now Sun in this AU is the 'Beauty' to Blake's 'Beast' and as for Adam, the ‘Beauty’ to his ‘Beast’ is and hear me out here...

Yang Xiao Long

now I know what you all are thinking...

But here's the idea

Adam as a good guy I would imagine being this grumpy kinda no-nonsense dude and something of a ham(he writes poems in his downtime) and I feel like that would compliment Yang's 'flirty party girl' personality and would play off Black Sun too

Two ships that are similar, yet different, and I just don't mean in a gender bent way.

But not only that, Yang’s role is also to mend the strained brother-sister relationship of Blake and Adam. Adam isn’t obsessed with Blake but was kinda like “Blake, what the hell?” When she left. He’s kinda pissed, but not a flat-out murderous lunatic.

And Yang being an older sibling herself can relate to Adam and talk it out with him, notably all the good things Blake has told Yang about him.

And then of course Yang does try to resort to some spicy flirting, but Adam being taught about earning the blessings of the parents and abstinence, doesn’t reciprocate the same way.

Spoiler alert, Adam is flustered by Yang’s midriff but also know it’s not good for practical purposes in her line of work. Yang notices and tries to tease him further, only for him to tickle her mercilessly to make his point, leading her to make a wardrobe upgrade for “V2”

And I’d be lying if my this was not somewhat influenced by my Catholic faith about modesty and no sex outside of marriage, but I’d think it be kinda cute and funny to ship Yang who’s flirtatious and likes to flaunt it with a very honorable and kinda traditional dude. Expect lots of disappointed pouts from Yang.

Now his altered personality I was inspired by 2 sources

Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender

But also Grimlock in Transformers: Fall of Cyberton which the game is also an influence for my reimagined Arthur Watts

For those not in the know-how, Fall of Cybertron due to it success had become the reboot basis for all G1-esque Transformers stories onward.

In it, Grimlock is the commander of the team and had been captured by Shockwave, who is a scientist, to be painfully experimented on which would turn them into Dinobots. Grimlock, driven by furious vengeance free's his comrades and seeks to destroy Shockwave.

Now Grimlock is still a good guy and believes defending the weak and migh-for-right, but he's bad tempered, stubborn, and headstrong really doesn't see eye-to-eye with Optimus Prime, seeing him as a weak leader and barely accepting him as leader due to the Matrix.

So it's kind of the same principle with Adam, with Watts being the 'Shockwave' to his 'Grimlock', though to be specific, Adam has a vendetta against the one running the factory he and his family worked at. Will get to him in the future.

So yeah, that's my Adam so far.

[enchantedblackrose]

Safe Again

Not my image. Google image search

Pairing: Antonio/Fem Reader

Requested @fabyoliveira1999

Summary: Y/n is kidnapped when an undercover assignment goes wrong

¡Warnings: Swearing, mentions of blood, allusions of sexual assault, potential police brutality? All very in line with the show

A/n 1: this is a work of fiction. The gang and names used are completely made up and not meant to reflect any real persons. Thank you.

2: Part 2 will be a fluff drabble

Safe Again

A darkness overcomes you as you slip out of consciousness. The steady beeping of the machines around you are now frantic, their shrill sound piercing the ears of everyone around. 

Antonio yells out your name as hospital staff force him from your room. It isn't until Hank and Kevin pull him by his shoulders does he fully retreat. He sees a familiar face in the hallway and remembers a conversation he's been meaning to have.

"Halstead!" Antonio's voice shakes in anger. He stands face to face with the younger detective. His finger accusingly pointing.

"How the hell did this happen in the first place, man? You were supposed to have her back!"

Jay's voice was quiet. "I know." He drops his head in hands. "I'm so sorry, man. I should've pulled us out of there."

"You were supposed to watch her."  Antonio strains to speak, his tone is much softer this time as he fights back the tears threatening to spill. Wordlessly, he claps Jay's shoulder, giving it an affectionate and apologetic squeeze. None of this is Jay's fault. Antonio knows this and instantly regretted taking his emotions out on his colleague.

-72 hours prior-

You're sitting in the bullpen, having just been assigned to go undercover with your partner acting as your boyfriend. The idea being that the two of you would infiltrate the known drug gang the Scorpions as potential buyers and dealers for the more upscale neighborhoods the leader, Sammy, was trying to reach.

Your actual boyfriend is the first to speak. "Oh hell no. You're not doing this," Antonio tells you, earning a hard stare from you in return. "She's not doing this," he shifts his attention to Voight. "These...thugs are ruthless. They're killers."

Hank's eyebrow shoots up, wordlessly questioning Antonio. "Watch yourself there. Last I checked this was my unit. I give the orders."

"Sarge, if I may," you interrupt. "I'm willing to do this. I've successfully gone undercover before and I've gone alone," you remind not only your sergeant, but your boyfriend. "I want to do this." Your eyes fall to Antonio momentarily before looking back to Hank.

"Do whatever you need to prepare," he orders. You nod, reaching for your cell phone. Hank turns around and heads into his office. Antonio is hot on his heels, letting the door slam shut behind him after giving you a displeased look.

You huff an angry sigh. From his desk, Jay offers a sympathetic smile. "He's coming from a good place, y/n," he reminds you. "He's just scared. He knows you're more than capable of handling yourself out there."

Appreciating Jay's words, you nod your gratitude and make the call to set up this meeting.

//

You are fuming the entire walk up the stairs to your apartment. Antonio follows closely behind. You wait until the door closes completely before angrily spinning back in your heel to glare at him.

"Do you have any idea how demeaning and humiliating it is to not only have my boyfriend, but a superior colleague to react that way in front of my sergeant? Our sergeant? This is important, Antonio! And I'm not some rookie. I've done this before! You have no right-"

"You're right," his voice is calm and not at all what you expected to hear. "And I'm sorry, mi amor. I made sure to tell Voight before we left that I support you doing this and promised to not let my feelings compromise this case."

"Oh." You feel your anger start to dissipate. "In that case…can you order dinner, please? I'm going to take a quick shower." You stand on your tiptoes, pecking his lips softly with yours before heading to the bathroom.

//

Today was the day you and Jay, or rather your aliases Roxie and Ray (you relentlessly teased Jay about his lack of creativity), were meeting Sammy, having already built a rapport with some of the other members lower in the chain of command. If it went well, today should be the day you make the bust. Both of you step into the garage to meet the team and go over plans one last time. You're in a body flattering dress hitting right above your knees, Jay in a suit sans necktie.Your friends whoop and catcall  Part of your personas was playing a bored, wealthy, money-motivated couple and you had to look, not just act, the part. As Antonio approaches, Jay excuses himself saying he'll be in the car waiting whenever you're ready. Antonio's voice is quiet. "There's still time. Don't do this."

"I thought you supported me."

"I did...I do! I just can't let you-"

"Let me?" You yell, earning the unwanted attention of those nearby. You shake your head, hurt and disappointment shine in y/e/c eyes.  You walk away without another word, getting into the passenger side of the car

//

You reach the autobody garage the Scorpions use as a front. Immediately they pat you both down by a few members you've met during the time undercover. You're positive your inspection is more thorough as he squeezes your one ass cheek.

"Hey man," Jay shouts seeing you get groped.

"It's alright, babe," you wink. "Rico's only appreciating a good thing when he sees it." Rico smirks before declaring, "They're both clean."

Sammy, and another man you recognize from case files, Nic enter. "What's this? Who did you bring me?"

"These chumps are gonna be your new sellers."

Sammy's eyes hone in on you. You hold his gaze. "Hell naw," Nic says. "They brought you cops."

"Oh, please," you say, rolling your eyes. "With this face and ass-he knows, he felt it," you point to Rico, "I'm too fine to be a cop." You flash a cheeky smile.

"Bitch, shut up!" The back of his hand connects with your right cheek. The stinging causes your eyes to water. Beside you, Jay flinches; it's hard from him not to react.

'Listen man, I don't know what you think is going on. We just-"

"You can shut up, too." 

You hear the unmistakable sound of a gun cocking, turning to see it pointed at Jay. Sammy gives a nod to one of the others. 

"Look out," you try to warn Jay, but it's too late. The butt of a gun hits Jay in the temple and he gets kicked at the back of his knee until he falls to the ground. His head hits the cement flooring hard. You don't understand why the team hasn't busted in yet.

Nic's gaze is on you. "You testified at Dierk's hearing." His fist swings and it makes contact with your jaw. It's enough to make you sway but you remain on your feet. "He was my cousin you, stupid bitch. Get her in the car. Leave him."

As you're forced into a black SUV, you manage to choke out a weak,"Jay, " your stained voice sounding unrecognizable to your own ears.

//

The equipment they sent you in with was faulty. Voight was furious as was Antonio. They whole worked diligently to get video or audio, anything to keep tabs on you and Jay. It's not until the SUV, with you unbeknownst to them inside, peels out, that the whole team moves in and finds Jay bleeding and unconscious on the floor. Kevin reaches him first. "He's alive!" he shouts to the others. Adam radios for an ambo before he and the others continue to clear the building. Kevin gently shakes Jay awake. He groans, hands instantly reaching the side of his head. He makes to stand.

"Easy there, brother," Kevin warns. Jay lets Kevin help him to his feet. "We've got a bus on the way."

Jay nods, "I'm fine. Where's y/n?"

"She's not here. No one is," Hank answers as the rest of the team draw near Jay. Jay's stomach plummets as he realizes they've taken you, his partner.

"Son of a bitch!" Antonio yells, kicking an oil drum.

"We work fast to get y/l/n back," Hank declares. "Check for surveillance, witnesses. We find that SUV and we find y/n. Alive

 Any means necessary.  Let's move." The team disperses and his hand clasps Jay's shoulder. "You get checked out by medics first." Jay opens his mouth to argue, but shuts it quickly. He nods his compliance. Hank and Antonio follow him to the ambulance that's just arrived.

"Hey boss," Jay speaks, with a tentative glance to Antonio. "This went south when Nic recognized y/n as the detective who testified against his cousin. Hank pursed his lips, but even in his anger, the color drains from Antonio.

"Voight," Antonio's voice almost cracks.

"We'll get her back."

//

Bloodied and bruised, you're alive with very little clue as to where you are. Your survival skills kick in.

You take note of your surroundings. You think you're in an unfinished basement of a residence. Definitely a lower floor as you remember being tossed down a flight of stairs. Your hands are bound behind your back and tied to a support beam. The door to upstairs is locked and even if it wasn't, based on all the noise coming from the floors above you'd never make it out undetected. 

The door opens and heavy footsteps make their way towards you. Nic comes into your line of vision.

You try reasoning with him, "As far as I'm concerned, nothing's been done that can't be undone. You just gotta let me go."

"You don't get it, do you? Maybe this will clear things up for you." He draws his gun, pressing it into the middle of your forehead 

"But first I'm gonna fuck you real hard." His face inches from yours. Nic pulls the gun away. His stale, hot breath reeking as he stands too near. You couldn't help but scoff before you throw your head into his, headbutting him with all the might you could.

He cries out in agony.

"Stupid bitch." He backhands you. Then grabs you by the chin. His furious eyes never leave you and a rough hand claws at the skirt of your dress. You feel cold metal pressed against your thigh. "First, I'm gonna fuck that tight pussy with my gun inside you then-"

"Why?" You smirk. "Afraid you won't be able to get it up?" So much for those survival instincts. Anger flickers across his face. His free hand makes a fist. You dodge his swing and he instead makes contact with the pole. This enrages him more. Hastily Nic puts the gun back in his pants. Both his hands wrap themselves around your neck.

//

14 hours have gone by. That's how long it's been since Antonio's last seen you. He's hurt and getting desperate. With less than two hours of sleep (Antonio only went home after Voight said he wouldn't be any help without some rest), he was out trying to find any witnesses, checking traffic cams, and placing calls to all his CIs in hope that any of them might be able to give a lead. When one of them started stringing him along, Antonio jacked the guy up against an outside brick wall near the precinct. That's when Kim found him. 

"We got something," she says in a hurry, fearing Antonio may do something he can't come back from.

The team picked up two Scorpion members and one is currently in the cage. 

"Five minutes, Hank. Just give me the key and five minutes alone with this guy," Antonio pleads to his sergeant. From the cage, the Scorpion chuckles. Antonio lunges causing the chain links of the cage to rattle. He appears more animalistic than human and the laughter does immediately. "Where is she, you bastard?" Hank looks at the guy, still refusing to talk, then he unlocks the door for Antonio.

"Are you crazy? You can't let him in here with me," he shrieks.

"Your boss has one of our own. And she just so happens to be his girlfriend, so you're crazy if you think I could really stop him if I wanted to," Hank answers before moving away from the door and heading upstairs. The door barely swings open before Antonio steps inside, knocking the guy to his ass with one punch. He picks him up by the shirt collar preparing another blow when Jay and Adam come flying down the stairs.

"Get outta here!" Antonio yells.

"We got an address. Atwater and Kim they picked up another member and he talked," Adam says breathlessly. Antonio hesitates.

"C'mon on man," says Jay, "He's not worth any more of your time. If y/n's there, let's go bring her home."

//

Hours have passed. How many you're unsure, but as they ticked by your hopes of being found or escaping  dwindled. Pain flows through your entire body. You sit on the cold, hard basement floor, unable to stand anymore. Nic had strangled you until you passed out. He never touched you like he promised and when you regained consciousness you were alone.

Shouts came from upstairs. You're unable to hear every word, but you catch enough to know they're talking about you.

"We need to move her now. We've kept her alive too long!" You hear footsteps and then the opening of the door. Nic appears before you, with a sinister grin. Your heart races as he nears. His eyes roam your body as he undoes his belt. He pulls you to your feet by your hair. A whimper escapes you and he laughs. Once again, his hands pull at the skirt of your dress. His hands travel along your thighs and ass squeezing both. His touch makes your skin crawl that you actually shudder. His fingers start to tug your underwear down when there's a commotion from upstairs.

"Freeze! Chicago PD."

"Drop the weapon!"

"On your knees! Face down." 

"I said drop it!"

Your heart flutters with hope, but then shots ring out and you have no idea who's firing or what's happening up there.

"Down here!" You yell. The basement door opens.

"Chicago PD!" Antonio and Jay's voices ring out.

"One male. He's got a gun," you warn. As they rush down the stairs, Nic pulls his gun on you.

"Drop your weapon!" Jay orders. His eyes perfectly fixated on the gun in Nic's hands. Antonio eyes you carefully and while seeing you bruised and a gun to your head isn't ideal, he's relieved to see you alive. Your colleagues' guns stay fixed on your offender. "You won't be told again. Drop. Your. Weapon." Your eyes lock with your boyfriend's beautiful brown ones and you nod ever so slightly. You slide down the pole as Nic moves towards you as if he was going to use you as a shield. Both Antonio and Jay fire their guns. Blood splatters onto you. Jay moves to check the body, but all you really notice is Antonio running to you  and it's honestly a beautiful sight.  "Baby, baby, baby. Hang on. I got you," he soothes, working quickly to free your hands of the zip ties. Your head falls into his chest. Really your whole body just collapses into him. Antonio holds you close, careful not to embrace you too hard, but his touch has never felt better. You sob uncontrollably as he begins to rock you.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," you repeat.

"Shh. You did nothing wrong, mi amor. Shh, now, baby. I got you. You're safe again."

//

Immediately you're taken to the hospital. Blood is drawn,xrays taken, exams given. You've sustained several injuries, but nothing critical. Mostly you're bruised and exhausted, so when the machines you're hooked up to start beeping erratically, Antonio is confused and scared again, clearly demonstrated by that outburst directed at Jay. 

He opens his mouth to apologize when Will Halstead exits your room. 

"You can go back in now," he says simply.

The intelligence team looks at him, confused.

"What the hell just happened?"

"Y/n wasn't breathing properly."

"What?"

Will puts his hands up. "No no. She's fine. She can breathe. She was sleeping and wasn't breathing deep enough for the machine to register it. I promise she's fine."

There's a collective sigh of relief from everyone.

Antonio coming back into your room is a most welcoming sight. There's so much to say, but your eyelids are heavy with sleep. Instead you take his hand in yours. Antonio's free hand lovingly caresses your face.A feeling of safety washes over you and you drift off into a peaceful dream.

[sometime-in-1995]

Do ya'll ever just look at your old artworks and be like, "I made these?? 👀 I had the motivation, inspiration, and patience to make these?? How? Why? When? 😮" I'm no artist, okay? But I at least thought I could make some strokes work and it'll look fine. I was trying to file my artworks in one folder so I had the chance to look at the old artworks back on high school and college and I felt so happy and surprised. I can't believe I made these.

lol I even have a Naruto edition 😂

And some artworks that was required project at school back in high school.

You could actually tell the story of my fangirl life while looking at my artworks 😅😂😊

I actually remember making some these sketches during vacant time in college. While filing my artworks, I also found some old letters or some writings given by my friends and a lot them bring back memories. That was good old times. 💕

I even made lettering artwork in dedication to my Tumblr crush back in college (well, I still do) @israelmekaniko elhow poewzxc khuya uwu 😉😘 HAHAHAHA 😂😂😂 He's actually the reason why I started doing doodles which of course, not at par to his doodling skills haha I still tried tho and looking at my artworks, I felt like I actually enjoyed making them back then. And maybe, if I hadn't stopped drawing, If I kept on working on my skills and kept on practicing, maybe I've improved somehow by now. But that's fine, I could still start working on it again. I'm glad I kept my artworks, it makes me feel nice about myself looking back at them 😊😌💕

And this two are my very recent ones. There has been a time when I felt so colorless. So I'm trying to get back or reclaim my artistic side which I felt like I've lost, gone, drained, and dry for the past couple of years now. I also missed writing. Sometimes, when I reread stories/fanfictions I made, it makes me feel like I'm reading someone else's work. I can't believe such thought or idea ran through my mind back then. I missed writing, I missed drawing, I just missed being creative and artistic.

[carecottage]

Hey y'all, can I, like, get some shit off my chest? I am mentslly exhausted today. I feel like I've been constantly thinking about signs and symbols and the deeper metaphysical meaning behind things lately and it all has me drained. In the past couple weeks, I did two tarot spreads and started maintaining an altar to a deity in earnest all while life continues to do what life does (fucks with me) and tonight the strain of all of this has really caught up to me...

I'd love to hear comments from people with similar experiences but basically, I make a point to pray to my deity at least once a day, around the time when I wake up as well as stretch my body at the same time. I light three candles in Her color and one for a different deity so He can translate my prayers to her. I've got an offering for her that I will replace soon and another for the second deity. The right most candle in Her color immediately begins to burn high, bright, dancing, flickering, with black smoke coming off the tail of the flame. This continues for a while as I mediate on Her name as I didn't really feel as if there was much I wanted to say today due to already feeling distracted. That same candle then split its flame into two separate flames.

This continued for a good while and I continued to meditate but I was distracted. Just, in my head and by the weird flames. So I took some time to read up on flame interpretations but then, following the ethereal feelings I get when I meditate at my altar, I grabbed the tarot cards to do a reading. I ask, "What does She want from me?" For which I draw the Page of Swords, reversed, the Six of Swords, upright, and the Lovers, upright. I have to deal with my baggage, basically, but I've got some good things going for me and some good things coming if I can just re-prioritize where my mental energy goes. Around this time the flames briefly flicker into three, instead of two.

I honestly can't say what I believe about the flames. I know what I've read but there are so many meanings and so many possibilities because of what's gone on in my life that who knows? Like all of us, I've just got so much going on and some of what I've been interpreting from this deity I am trying to get close to scares me because following those signs means going against what I feel like I have to do for survival... I know I should trust Her but I really am scared I'm going to end up in a bad or stressful place because I'm not doing things I feel like I need to do to survive and I'm just taking some time to feel those feelingseven though I know that, ultimately, I will follow this deity. I'm tearing up even now and I cried at my altar when the flames started being weird because I don't even know why. Then, tonight, the main candle I use for Her cracks just enough for wax to leak all over the altar cloth. Earlier, after the flames were doing what they were doing I let it catch my wooden incense holder on fire slightly from being so distracted.

Today has just been what the hell.

I also have reason to believe that someone flesh and blood is motivated to enact spiritual violence against me because we got into an argument several months ago and her family conditioned her in a way that she grew up lacking emotional control and lacking the ability to properly deal with confrontation and, in fact, getting overtly upset by confrontation because her family sees confronting her about anything as taboo given her social standing among them. This is coming up months later because our mutual friend brought it up and tried to defend me when she was, perhaps, implying she was going to hex me. It's a whole kind of sad thing and I'm genuinely not throwing shade because I've been told, pretty loud and clear, on multiple occasions, that I need to be more loving as is my nature rather than sharp tongued and blunt as I've grown to be. So, despite myself, I'm on alert for wonky shit happening ON TOP OF my period starting last Saturday and causing me to have an unusually short fuse all freaking week.

So, today just has me thinking about what feels like my entire life and my entire series of decisions that has led me to this point and my head and eyes just felt so tired from it all. My previous spread, when I asked, "How may I get closer to this deity?" I got, all upright, Knight of Cups, Four of Swords, Queen of Cups. I know I have to rest and relax but I don't really know what that looks like in the context of trying to maintain my relationship, not become homeless, and just deal with life in general?

I'm fairly certain a spirit was present during my time at the altar. I've never felt this drained and out of it before. It's just all so new and overwhelming. I just need to feel my feelings right now and hope that tomorrow is a new day to feel good and make personal progress that doesn't end up making me feel this way again.