#But I actually kinda want to avoid putting a joint on the tumblr blog I link to people

[brokenbloodymolars]

Date night with the wife

[cuttlefishkitch]

hello! i haven't talked to you before, but ron said that i could ask you for some advice on writing eds? (i'd like to know things to avoid/common things that could come up in everyday life that would be good to mention/the sort of aids and stuff they'd have maybe?/anything else you think is relevant)

Hi! Sorry this took so long, a combination of ADHD and chronic pain slowed me way the fuck down. Thank you for being patient! 

EDIT: WEIRD HEEL THINGS I FORGOT!!

So, before I get into this I should probably say I technically haven’t been diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS for anyone reading) because it’s one of those syndromes that takes forever to get diagnosed with (it took a friend of mine’s mother over 30 years to get dxed). Many doctors, and everyone I know who does have EDS agree with me that it’s probably what causes my chronic joint pain and some of my other chronic issues. But just because three separate doctors have said “Yeah Probably” doesn’t mean I’m diagnosed!! Only a geneticist can do that!! And they had two-three year waitlists BEFORE the apocalypse happened.

I am diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Small Fiber Neuropathy, and potentially misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia (once I get properly tested for EDS I might get undiagnosed with this because I don’t have most of the main symptoms of Fibro, but I got diagnosed with it anyway because it’s what doctors misDX you with when they don’t know what’s wrong with you and don’t want to do more tests).

All that said, I’ve done a lot of research about EDS (mainly because it’s the only thing that explains all my symptoms since doctors seem incapable of doing so), and know a few people who have either confirmed or suspected EDS, so I’ll link to some stuff, talk about the symptoms that often come with EDS, explain how the symptoms I have affect me, because just because someone’s not diagnosed doesn’t mean they aren’t having symptoms, and probs elaborate a bit about writing physical disabilities and chronic pain in general because it’s super important to me! 

So RESOURCES aka how to make sure your post never sees the light of day because you’re linking things and tumblr hates it when people give other people information!!

Youtubers! If you want to know about the day to day of living with EDS or any disability or chronic illness I super suggest finding a youtuber that makes videos about their life. My EDS favorites are

Jessica Kellgren-Fozard

Annie Elainey

Amy Lee Fisher

Websites! If you’re asking random folks on tumblr I’m assuming (and hoping) you’ve already done the basic WebMD google searches and looked over the seemingly ridiculous lists of symptoms and related conditions, so here are a few websites that are made more for people than for doctors.

The Ehlers Danlos Society

OhTWIST (That’s Why I’m So Tired)

ChronicPainPartners (the fact that they have an entire section of articles called “Dealing with Doctors” should really tell you something)

Books! If you feel like doing actual reading! I suggest reading books written by people with Ehlers Danlos, to get a feel for how they portray themselves. I’m not saying steal, but it’s probably a good point of comparison to see how your portrayal feels. (haven’t actually read these b/c my ADHD doesn’t let me read)

Ria Ruse by Morgan S. Ray (a superhero book with a disabled super MC!!)

Mysteries of Maybelle by Imani Benfell (Imani is still in high school and has already written and self-published a book cause she didn’t have enough representation for herself how cool is she!!)

Bodies in Motion by Liana Brooks (tw for pregnancy problems and miscarriages in the link, because it’s a blog post talking about integrating EDS symptoms into the story without explicitly naming them as such)

OKAY, now for some rambling about EDS SYMPTOMS!!!

Ehlers Danlos is one monster of a genetic condition in complexity and variety. There are THIRTEEN different identified types of EDS, it often comes with Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) and/or POTS, and can lead to various other conditions like gastroparesis, chiari malformation, craniocervical instability, and/or bad teeth. So if you’re going to be writing a character with EDS consider what other comorbid conditions they might also have. I’m mainly going to be talking about Hypermobile EDS (hEDS) because it’s what I probably have and what I’m most familiar with. That said there is a lot of overlap in symptoms with the other varieties.

I started typing this section and realized I was going to have to break it down even more so we’re going to talk about Chronic Pain, Unstable Joints (Dislocations and Subluxations), Skin Things, Mobility Issues, and Other Weird Shit and how those things get addressed separately.

Gonna get the Other Weird Shit out of the way first. Because EDS is a malfunction of connective tissue it can fuck up all sorts of random things. For instance, I and many other people w/ hEDS have trouble swallowing. Shit gets stuck in my throat, I sometimes choke on and have to cough up food, and pills can be hard to swallow, which sucks cause I take A Lot Of Pills. If it doesn’t cause full-on gastroparesis it can cause IBS or other digestive problems b/c the digestive tract is mostly made of connective tissue. It can potentially cause heart problems even if they aren’t as big of a risk as in some other forms of EDS. Premature osteoarthritis is common because what you need is more joint pain. And Fatigue OH BOY THE FATIGUE. And of course the headaches, can’t forget those pesky migraines can we!

AND piezogenic papules!! I completely forgot!! Piezogenic papules are little white bumps that appear when you put weight on your heel. In some people they hurt, but in others they don’t. They’re technically tiny little herniations of fat peaking through the fascia in the heel. They were added as part of the diagnostic criteria for hEDS in 2017!

Now for Skin Things cause it’s not as big a thing in hEDS as it is in other forms. Basically, in a lot of forms of EDS, the skin is extra stretchy and extra delicate. It bruises and tears easily, people with the extreme versions of this can accidentally scratch something into an open wound if they aren’t careful. My skin is pretty soft and sensitive, I def have the typical velvety skin, and as is pretty par for the course of someone with hEDS my skin is a little stretchy, and sorta delicate. I’m not as tissue-papery as some people get, but I almost always have at least one mystery bruise or scrape b/c existing is hazardous. Most of scars are also pretty normal, unlike the extremely papery and atrophic scars (though I have a few tiny acne scars that are atrophic) that are common with other kinds of hEDS. Something that I DO have is Lots of Stretch Marks, all over my thighs, and even down to my calves. Which wouldn’t be abnormal, except for the fact that I’ve never been over 145 lbs and I’ve never been pregnant. Having a lot of stretch marks or striations in the skin without due cause happens because the structure of the skin isn’t as strong as it is in people with a normal amount of connective tissue.

I don’t have to worry as much about my skin but people that do are usually very careful with adhesives because they can irritate or tear the skin, which sucks when you need a lot of bandaids cause your darn skin won’t do its job.

Now on to the meatier stuff and since I’m mostly working backward let’s do Mobility Issues!! These can happen in loads of ways, but a lot of what causes these in people with EDS are the other two things I wanna talk about. Unstable joints lead to increased risk of injury when doing stuff people with fully functioning joints can do.

For context, I’m an ambulatory wheelchair user, meaning I can walk, but a lot of the time it’s better if use a chair. Mine is mostly for my POTS symptoms, but the fact that my legs aren’t also in absolute agony is a big plus. I use a custom manual wheelchair with a SmartDrive (b/c I’m very fucking fortunate and have good insurance) whenever I leave the house and have to be “walking” for more than a few minutes at a time. I can’t fully self-propel in a manual chair because it would be damaging to the joints in my arms and hands, but the smaller chair is easier to maneuver in less than accessible spaces (like almost everywhere). There was about a month-long span where I used a very cheap and very bulky electric chair while I was waiting on the ideal set up I have now. Before that, I also briefly used, and sometimes still use, an up-right posture cane.

People with EDS have widely varying mobility issues because of how uniquely it can manifest. My cane only gave me a little help with balance because if I used it in any prolonged capacity any pain it took away from my legs was relocated to my arms, and as an artist, my arms are more important to me!

If you’re going to write a character with EDS having mobility issues as a result of their EDS the best thing to do is to narrow down their specific needs. Are their knees complete and utter garbage but their shoulders and wrists strong? Maybe they can get away with using a cane. Can they not stand for longer than 5 minutes because of the vertigo from their POTS? Maybe they need a manual wheelchair. Would propelling themself damage their back and arm joints? An electric chair might be necessary! Plenty of people with EDS use all sorts of combinations of these aides to get around their life, consider how your character’s good and bad days would be. Do they have back up plans if they overestimate themselves? There can be a lot to manage, but don’t let it scare you off! Sometimes I try and make it into a resource management game (because I’m a game designer and that’s what I do), to make evaluating my energy and mobility needs more fun!

But now let's tackle some of the reasons those mobility aides might be needed. Unstable Joints.

Ever stepped wrong and rolled your ankle? It hurts for a few steps and then kinda fixes itself, or maybe it bothers you for the rest of the day and you put it up and ice it when you get home? When I was walking around outside my house that would happen AT LEAST once a month, usually more. Some times I’m sitting wrong and when I get up my knee isn’t a knee anymore and decides to just give out from under me. My knuckles are made of unruly popcorn and they Don’t Want To Stay Home!! Oh! And my shoulder is more often out a little out of its socket than it is fully in.

Unstable joints lead to Dislocations and Subluxations of varying intensity, and some people get them more frequently than others. Some can be severe enough to necessitate hospital visits and even surgery, some subluxations are so banal (like my fUCKING SHOULDER) that you just learn to live with the pain.

If a character is going to be in high action, combat-heavy scenarios, chances are they’re going to be popping out joints left and right. Hell, depending on the severity of their joint laxity they could be doing the same sitting at a desk. Again, it’s incredibly varied. I’d suggest setting some sort of baseline for yourself, of what a character’s joints can and can’t stand up to, and maybe do some research on which joints are most likely to pop out in general (hips and shoulders are big culprits being the wacky ball and socket motherfuckers they are). Then maybe have something pop out or hold up every so often when it shouldn’t cause hey! EDS is kinda just like that! Unpredictable!

Some ways people manage joint laxity is with braces, KT tape, and physical therapy. Braces come in many different forms, since I’m currently getting pretty much no treatment for my shitty joints I use mostly compression braces made for sporty people. It really is amazing how much a bit of tight fabric can do to keep my wrist in place.

More specialized braces often have solid parts to prevent the joints from hyper-extending (bending the wrong way) and causing further damage. If you ever see someone with what looks like diamond shaped rings around a bunch of their finger joints, chances are those are Ring Splints, and are there to keep the finger shaped like a finger. I want to get my hands on some and get some on my hands Very Badly, because my fingers hyper-extend SO MUCH when I type, and it makes my hand pain way way worse.

KT tape is another thing people often use. It’s stretchy tape you put on your skin and it basically functions kinda like a second ligament as well as reinforcing the joint and keeping the bones mostly where they’re supposed to be. The problem with this is a lot of people with EDS have very sensitive and fragile skin like I mentioned before, so KT tape can cause allergic reactions, chronic skin irritation, or just straight up take the skin with it when someone goes to remove it. Hence a lot of folks are really careful with it.

Physical Therapy is kinda the best (and only) treatment for joint laxity aside from Very Invasive and sometimes Highly Experimental surgery. It focuses on strengthening the muscles around the joints so they can do the work all those bone ropes made of body glue can’t. The problem is finding a physical therapist that 1) knows what EDS even is, 2) knows you have it, and 3) knows how to treat it without doing stuff that’ll Phucking Hurt You Worse!! Because exercising wrong with EDS can do Permanent Damage!!!

Again most folks use a combination of all of these things, or have next to no access to them b/c healthcare sucks.

Anyway, on to one of my favorite topics, Chronic Pain!! One of the reasons this post took me so long!!!

Chances are if your character has chronic pain as a result of their EDS there are gonna be some things they hate, including stairs, rain, thunderstorms, stairs, hills, uneven terrain, oh and did I mention stairs??? It’s going to vary person to person, but almost everyone I’ve met with pain from EDS has complained about their knees. For me the most debilitating pain is in my fingers and wrists. They’re by far my least stable joints but I use them constantly for stuff like drawing, typing, and sewing.

Because my joint pain is so wide spread, like most people’s with hEDS, it effects every single part of my day to day life. I can’t carry a heavy ceramic plate, open a bottle, or even use my computer without pain. It’s practically impossible for me to get comfortable in any position be it sitting or laying down, and as you can imagine that makes it hard to sleep a lot of the time. Moving too much hurts, but so does sitting still. I’m constantly taking braces on and off or cracking/stretching my joints so they pop back into place and hurt less.

Also being in pain makes everything else That Much Worse. I get tired way faster than I did before my pain was this bad (I had chronic pain for a while before actually realizing it wasn’t normal to not be able to walk down the block without feeling like your foot bones are trying to escape). My sensory issues and anxiety disorder are more easily aggravated because my base level of comfort is way worse. It fucks with my depression. And OH BOY does it make my ADHD worse because being in pain is fucking distracting as hell and makes it harder to make decisions and switch tasks. Also my ADHD often makes my other symptoms worse cause I forget to take my meds, don’t drink enough water, or can’t find my fucking braces because the item eating black-hole that comes with ADHD stole them. The intersection of mental and physical disabilities is probably a rant for another time though, so back to chronic pain.

Does it suck? Yes, undoubtedly. Is this incredibly debilitating? Of course it is, I spent the last several months unable to feed myself without assistance because there was a staircase between my room and the kitchen and I could only manage to climb it once a day. Is it overwhelming? Definitely, I’ve frequently broken down crying from a combination of pain and frustration because I’m having a bad day and there’s no relief to be found. Am I able to predict when it’s going to rain with uncanny accuracy because any change in barometric pressure makes me feel like every bone in my body is trying to kill it’s neighbors? You bet your fucking ass I am!! Does it sometimes make me irritable, angry, and occasionally dismissive of when abled people get cold or a temporary injury because the stuff they’re complaining about is my life every single day and all avenues of treatment and recovery I have could take years and still not entirely solve my issues? Yeah, and while I deserve a little extra patience I also have to be sure to check myself because I don’t want to turn into someone who’s nasty to be around. Do I sometimes need to sleep for 17 hours straight because it’s raining, I have migraine, and I’m in too much pain to be conscious? Yup, sometimes a few days in a row. Does living in constant pain mean I’m unable to do all the things I want to and does that sometimes make me wanna curl up in bed and never leave? Yeah, it happens.

But! And here’s the big important but, that’s not everything! I still write, draw, and talk to my friends!! It might take me a little longer but I get there. I’m still happy and excitable and make the time to write out five page long posts about EDS because it’s something I’m passionate about! My chronic pain doesn’t stop me. I refuse to let it. I never really wanted to go mountain climbing anyway, so I’m perfectly happy being able to make it up and down the six steps in my house, even if sometimes I have to sit and bump down them on my ass, or crawl up them like a cat. Chronic pain isn’t all I am. It isn’t a fate worse than death. It isn’t the only thing your character should talk about (though I do talk about my pain a lot cause I’m a complainer about almost everything). You can have your character be hindered by their pain, realistically they would be. You can have them seek comfort, support, and relief. Other characters can commiserate and be sympathetic, but it doesn’t mean their whole life is going to be one big pity party, that would be incredibly fucking boring. I know I’d be bored out of my mind.

All that said dealing with chronic pain, especially from EDS, is Complicated. Physical Therapy is the gold standard, but like I said before it can be a long and difficult process, and isn’t always accessible. Stabilization methods like I talked about before can help prevent pain, or reduce it by keeping bones mostly where they belong. Heat and cold help joints, relax muscles, and reduce inflammation but keeping them applied is rough and the relief doesn’t always last. Doctors prescribe anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, and sometimes even anti-epileptic medication to help manage pain, but everyone’s mileage with those varies. And I’m not at all qualified to talk in-depth about narcotics or other heavy duty pain-meds, but suffice to say the war on drugs fucked shit up for people that legit need that kind of help BIG TIME.

Now for my closer/bonus rant about EDS and Disability Writing in General!

Everyone always says write what you know, so if you really want to do disabled people justice, get to know disabled people! Make friends with disabled people, get involved with advocacy groups, consume content made by disabled creators both about disability and not! Disabilities are so fucking diverse, even EDS is such a complex disorder, and comes with so many potential co-morbidities, that practically everyone with it has a unique experience. There’s no way I can fully explain everything in a tumblr post. Hell, even if I could talk to you for hours probably couldn’t give you enough info to answer all your questions (especially since I’m still in diagnosis hell :,) ), so talk to a wide range of people with EDS and other disabilities!! I know it sounds like a lot of work but trust me, disabled people are some of the strongest, raddest, coolest, people you will ever meet that it won’t feel like it.

And don’t be afraid either, the fact that EDS and other disabilities are so wildly varied means that you have a little bit of wiggle room with your character’s experience. There’s so little disability rep out their I think people are WAY to scared to try their hand at writing it. So long as your character is a fully developed person in addition to being disabled, you give some logical thought as to how it would affect their life, and you don’t make their disability the butt of any joke it isn’t difficult to avoid ableist writing. PLEASE WRITE MORE DISABLED PEOPLE AND PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC PAIN/CHRONIC ILLNESS!!

Okay that’s it, again sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! My fingers were being little pests about it, and my ADHD (which is honestly more disabling than everything else a lot of the time lmao) was being an asshole! Hope this helps, and feel free to ask me more questions if you need clarification! It might take me a bit but I do love talking about this stuff.

[jamestaylorswift]

You're so mind-blowingly brilliant -- your posts never cease to make my day! I don't even have a tumblr account, but I check your page at least ten times/day, hoping for a new analysis. Reading your essay on "folklore"'s dreamscape felt like an acid trip in the best possible way. Please share your thoughts on the original "Cardigan" lyrics ASAP!

Thanks, anon! You’ve got me blushing like a damn fool over here 😊 You’re always welcome on this blog, lurking or otherwise!

Okay so this is more a line of reasoning that starts at the OG “cardigan,” not just lyric analysis. I’m not exactly sure how to organize all these thoughts so I’m just going to put them in the order that they came. Apologies if this is a mess. (And under a cut because I can’t shut up lmao)

To me, the OG “cardigan” is the antithesis of the song as we now know it. That got me thinking about how the core of the album might have been much different too.

The album-making process started with “my tears ricochet.” (I believe this song is from Karlie’s point of view, per the notes in the dreamscape essay.) I’m assuming Taylor didn’t edit this song much. She has implied in the past that a song is “written” when it takes musical form (i.e. lyrics literally get put to a track). The idea of a dead lover is also extremely compelling. She made “cardigan,” “seven,” and “peace” next.

It’s likely that these four songs represent folklore’s original ideological pillars. The common thread of Aaron’s three songs (both versions of “cardigan”) is the idea of age or maturity. “peace” and “seven” are age-related endpoints and “cardigan” is a midway point. “my tears ricochet” happens to be an endpoint (i.e. dying, as opposed to reaching an adult maturity).

From these songs, I extrapolate that Taylor wanted to explore emotional growth specifically by addressing Peter Pan and Wendy’s philosophical disagreement. (Also…veer off into gay childhood trauma.) “peace” is about the strongest argument anyone could make in favor of Wendy—growing up is necessary, especially in order to love and treat someone properly. (This song even argues for mutual maturity/understanding.) “my tears ricochet” is the fallout if two people end up fighting with each other, not for each other. OG “cardigan” comes down on Peter’s side—if given the choice to preserve youth or yield to age, one should prefer the former. The album was to transform an endorsement of Peter into an endorsement of Wendy.

The three songs done with Aaron were likely written to appear in the order they do today: “cardigan” as exposition, then “seven,” then “peace.” Observe that to chart a course hitting all four songs, Taylor has to align OG “cardigan” with “my tears ricochet.” “seven” can stand on its own, provided she pads it with enough storytelling. “peace” and “my tears ricochet” cannot both be endpoints of the story, especially because they are at odds with each other. The mutual understanding in “peace” is not at all consistent with the hatred and sadness in “my tears ricochet.” Thus, the track list requires the partial ordering of OG “cardigan,” then “my tears ricochet,” then (much later) “peace.”

Let’s talk about OG “cardigan.” The first verse paints the potrait of Karlie. “Vintage tee, brand new phone // high heels on cobblestones // when you are young they assume you know nothing” alludes to the glamor of modeling, plus its stereotype as the profession of being young, dumb, and beautiful. “Livin’ in a gold age // sneakin’ to my bird cage” reintroduces the tension of reputation, youth and freedom at odds with oppressive forces. “Laughin’ like a damn fool // breakin’ every damn rule” contrasts the characterization of Karlie in the verse. She instead has a marvelous time being hot, smart, and moderately evil. Through this contrast, Taylor suggests that the power of youth is the freedom to choose to ignore very serious problems (pseudo-escapism?). The OG outro full of zingers is Taylor’s perspective as someone who gets burned by the freedom of choice. Young Karlie leaves young Taylor because the high of reputation-era antics wears off. Then, old Taylor, still affected by this loss, also loses her mind in a reverse-“Don’t Blame Me” kinda way.

Word choice, to me, suggests that “cardigan” was originally conceived not as the Breakup Song of the Cenozoic Era but a narrative partner of “illicit affairs.” Karlie and Taylor are on the same team in OG “cardigan.” They have a marvelous time being hot, smart, and moderately evil and breaking all the damn rules together. “You know damn well // for you I would ruin myself” gets spit back in Taylor’s face and is that much more impactful. 

Karlie is justified in leaving because the moment dies. This phrase describes a relationship that mutually and/or slowly dwindles. Karlie makes a decision to leave and save herself, and indeed makes the better choice because she retains her wild and her sanity. Hence, Peter wins the argument.

It’s unclear when “exile” was written, but I think it was early on in the process because Taylor added bird noises to it. “exile” plus OG “cardigan”/“illicit affairs” illustrates two joint affairs, such as double bearding. Pronoun issues with the second verse of “cardigan” aside, Karlie’s eventual downfall (i.e. the emotional end of “illicit affairs”) is implied to be a result of Taylor…also cheating? Maybe it’s the whole Friends “we were on a break” thing. (IDK, I’ve never actually seen Friends.)

OG “cardigan,” “illicit affairs,” and “exile” were once closely affiliated. More pertinently, by the partial ordering, “illicit affairs” and “exile” were meant to explain how OG “cardigan” connects to “my tears ricochet.” Karlie leaves Taylor during their illicit affair; the affair ruins Karlie; Karlie dies and Taylor shows up at the funeral because she’s pissed; Karlie becomes a vengeful ghost and Taylor is also emotionally ruined forever. Scene.

But these are not the connections that Taylor put out into the world. Obviously we can never know precisely why. One thing that does stick out to me, though, is how hard it is to turn around and align with Wendy given the illicit affair narrative.

In “peace,” Taylor shows her own maturity by acknowledging that she was cowardly and dishonorable. For what? Karlie left her in OG “cardigan,” not the other way around. Taylor runs away with someone else in “exile” (“him”), ostensibly to enjoy a more stable relationship. Her playing the role of the angry funeralgoer in “my tears ricochet” is perfectly reasonable. Taylor was promised love and Karlie didn’t give her what she needed, so she moved on. Therefore, we should conclude that maturity is really…hanging onto someone who doesn’t stay? Having the courage to stay in an incredibly tenuous affair? Apparently, one also must be cheated on in order to mature. These are all strange conclusions.

Taylor illustrates Karlie’s maturity with a monologue of numerous promises—of pretty much everything except peace itself. The illicit affair narrative does strongly support the argument that maturity is learning how to stay true to one’s word. Yet its logical beginning is that one must cheat on another—plus be unfaithful to the person they are cheating with—in order to mature. (Karlie gets burned by the freedom of choice only when she later faces the consequences of the affair.) Also strange.

The illicit affair narrative as a primary emotional catalyst of the album generates even bigger inconsistencies.

“august” both humanizes the person cheated with and leaves them worse off than the cheater. “my tears ricochet” emphasizes the opposite: the one cheated with stays alive and becomes a very ugly person, but the cheater dies.

Arguably, both people should have anticipated the fallout of the (implied to be years-long) affair. “my tears ricochet” is internally inconsistent. “I didn’t have it in myself to go with grace” suggests Karlie died an unfortunate or unforeseen death, not an inevitable one. “You turned into your worst fears” suggests Taylor turned around and became a cheater too.

“invisible string” can support the argument that Taylor and Karlie were always bound to get back together after a breakup. Morally dubious underwriting of the initial affair notwithstanding, this song contradicts “mad woman.” Taylor wrote “mad woman” song shortly after “peace;” in it, she is staunchly against cheating. (She avoids morally dubious underwriting of illicit activity on the album by axing the OG “cardigan”/“illicit affairs”/“exile” narrative, then condemning cheating and seducing in “mad woman” and “illicit affairs,” respectively.)

Again, it is impossible to know when, why, or even exactly how the narrative of the album changed as Taylor was writing it. The dramatization I’ve provided of inconsistencies piling up is only one plausible explanation—and a convoluted one at that—for a change of artistic heart. Whatever the reason, I think it is significant that Taylor performed a volte face to never argue in favor of Peter in the first place.

The album version of “cardigan,” and indeed the entire love triangle, supports Wendy’s side of the argument. “cardigan” shows that James and Betty’s relationship was vibrant, joyous, thrilling, and tender, but above all, perfect. The tone of the song helps Taylor denounce James’ choice to leave Betty as cruel and unnecessary. It is James’ fault for leaving once the “thrill expired,” not Betty’s fault for believing James would stay after the honeymoon phase. “betty” reinforces James’ characterization as the ignorant fool too. Because the album necessarily pigeonholes the leaver in the role of the coward, Wendy wins the argument on the grounds of moral fiber.

(James technically ‘wins’ in “august” because the titular character is left devastated and alone. August embodies youth through hope and yearning. James’ lack of conviction kills that hope. Thus, youthful traits are always collateral damage of the entire maturing process. And, the narrative that pits the characters against each other ends with James, regarded as the paradigm youth, losing the most.)

Perhaps this is the best justification for the existence of the teenage love triangle. Introducing characters who are maturing in various ways still allows Taylor to explore emotional growth. Three separate but fixed perspectives act as a proxy for one person’s changing perspective. By aligning herself with each character at a different time in their life, she shows that maturity (e.g. realism, reliability, patience, etc.) always gives one the upper hand.

The love triangle’s main purpose is to illustrate the philosophy that permeates the rest of the album. folklore as we know it is Taylor’s memorial to all the things lost to youth. Maturity would have prevented so many losses. At the same time, it is impossible to mature without first being youthful, making mistakes, and feeling lost while doing so. This is Taylor’s singular but melancholic endorsement of Wendy. How sad, valuable, and necessary, she says of growing up.

Lest my point be misinterpreted as ‘we can confidently reverse-engineer Taylor’s artistic process,’ here are my main takeaways from the “cardigan” changes:

OG “cardigan” is sad and we should appreciate it as such. “I knew to love would be to lose my mind?” Please.

“cardigan,” as a midway point with respect to age, is the only ideologically ‘variable’ song of the original quartet. Furthermore, by placement and construction, “cardigan” is/was intended to be expository. Changing “cardigan” changes the course she charts through the album. Taking sadness out of one song and spreading it over a storytelling album really changes the meaning of that sadness.

Of the eponymous characters, it’s worth noting that Taylor is James, the leaver, whereas she is left in the OG “cardigan.” It’s utterly fascinating that Taylor chooses to embody ‘hanging on to youth’ angle. What we assume is a very deep, primal feeling is one she overemphasizes for narrative purposes. Consequently, dismissing the love triangle as (fix-it) fiction requires dismissing Taylor’s attachment to youth—being Peter. To that end, we might also need to dismiss the infamous “I never grew up, it’s getting so old” line from “The Archer.” Many others, too…

Red herring though it may be, the love triangle alters folklore’s underlying philosophy, hence the very essence of its melancholy. It seems rather unwise to ignore the love triangle or to reduce it to a cheesy storytelling device. Recognizing that Taylor endorses Wendy and only Wendy is, in my opinion, crucial for clarifying other nebulous ideas in folklore. (I know I sound like a broken record, but I really do think abstraction in the music requires abstraction in analysis. It’s really easy to fall into the habit of tying specific lyrics to people or events. Personally, I find richer and deeper connections by actively working against that habit. I’m not saying this is the only way to do analysis—on the contrary, I think all analysis is correct because it’s all subjective. Rather, I think people overlook the value of occasional abstraction, much to my distress. folklore analysis even seems to demand abstraction. Sue me for believing that things like the underlying philosophy of an album are important, I guess?)

Would you believe that there’s more to this change than what I’ve argued? I’m weary that this is answer is already not what you wanted, so I won’t bang on and quadruple its length. In conclusion: the Implications.

[thewomaninlilywhite]

@thecircusofyourmind see, I actually answered all these in a googledoc the day you sent me the ask, I’m just The Worst and never posted it...

Disclaimer: I left out some questions I’m not comfortable answering (usually because thinking about the answer made me too anxious)

Also, Christine is my therapist… her name comes up a few times in these answers

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I am 5’ but I wish I was shorter because, growing up, I was always the shortest so now it’s weird and makes me feel uncomfortable when I’m not...if that makes sense. Like, it feels like part of my identity is gone? (Christine lowkey roasts me for this one)

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

I’m such a cat person. I love cats. I’d want a either a pure white persian or a bombay or a maine coon.

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

I love the fashion of the 1930s-1950s

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

I played way more mario kart than my skills (or lack thereof) would suggest. Also, professor Layton (still do!)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Very sensitive and overemotional: handle with care. Is prone to bursting out into showtunes she thinks she can sing, but can’t.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

I’m a melancholic mercury (I do shakespeare so I always think in terms of temperaments and planets, especially because I have too much sanguine tendency to identify as purely melancholic, but it is definitely my dominant temperament)

9: Are you ticklish?

Absolutely

10: Are you allergic to anything?

I’m lactose-intolerant, I try to cut back on gluten because of my Hashimotos, I also can’t eat peppers and usually avoid soy, but I’ve never actually been tested for allergies so like, who knows

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

Cat

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

An elf, I’m already small

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

I subscribe to so many different YouTubers for so many different reason, but if I had to pick one, I’d probably say Kathryn Morgan because her videos have helped me so much as a both a dancer and a person (especially with my diet and lifestyle because we have the same thyroid condition)

16: How tall are you?

5’

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

115lb. but I’m trying to lose weight (I want to be under 110, and trust me, I’ve got plenty to lose)

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

To an extent

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

The ocean, the infiniteness of space makes me too anxious, plus, I’ve always lived near the ocean.

21: Are you religious?

Yes

22: Pet peeves?

Slow walkers, people who don’t give you personal space in the queue, people who have no respect for the people around them in public places in general, the list is actually pretty long.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

I basically am nocturnal – I literally can never concentrate on important things until after 8pm

24: Favorite constellation?

Scorpio because I can always see it when my family goes up to Maine over the summer so it makes me think of that

25: Favorite star?

So tacky, but I love Polaris; I feel like it’s so magical to think that long ago sailors would look up at the sky and based off this little guy, could figure out where they were. It makes me feel so warm and fuzzy for some reason.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

I never had on eso I had to google this and they’re beautiful

27: Any phobias or fears?

I have anxiety (social phobia, arachnophobia, thanatophobia, claustrophobia, fear of abandonment, fear of the unknown, the list is long and my therapist doesn’t like me going this deep into it because then I get overwhelmed and trigger a panic attack – we’re working on my social anxiety first…)

28: Do you think global warming is real?

I think the earth goes through periods of cooling (ending in with the ice ages) and warming (which we are currently in) and therefore do not think that warming is CAUSED by humans, but I do think humans are speeding up the process

30: Favorite movie?

Mary Poppins, Rebecca, It’s a Wonderful Life, and Confessions of a Shopaholic are the only movies I’ve sat and watched all the way through on more than one occasion without being distracted so...

32: How many pets have you owned in your lifetime?

I had a cat named Lucky when I was younger, I currently have a cat named Lindsay, and, when I was younger, I had two goldfish who I named Dora and Boots (and Lucky ate them when the bowl got [mysteriously] knocked off the counter)

34: What is a color that calms you?

Lavender and Ballet Pink (gee, I wonder why)

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

New York is my home, I adore Paris, but I could see myself living in London

36: Where were you born?

Long Island

37: What is your eye color?

Hazel, though sometimes they appear blue when it’s raining

38: Introvert or extrovert?

Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

I don’t believe in them per se, but I do read my horoscope everyday because the one I use tends to have little motivational sayings in it and they help boost my mood

40: Hugs or kisses?

Depends on who they’re from

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

A lot of people...

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

Everyone...I love far too much

43: Any piercings you want?

I have two holes in my ears and I don’t desire any more than that

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

I don’t think they make a person MORE attractive, but I like how they allow people to express themselves, especially with the artistry involved with tattoos. You can learn a lot about a person based off what they put on/do to their bodies

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so?

Absolutely not – I don’t like associating with people who do… it makes me very uncomfortable

47: What is a sound you really hate?

Loud noises

49: Can you do a backflip?

I wish

50: Can you do the splits?

Definitely

53: How are you feeling right now?

Lonely

55: When did you feel happiest?

When I am dancing

56: Something that calms you down?

Listening to music, reading, writing, dancing, sketching...

57: Have any mental disorders?

I’ve been formally diagnosed with multiple types of anxiety disorders (GAD, Social Anxiety, other phobias, OCD) but… let’s just say there are things I keep from may therapist that may imply I have others...

58: What does your URL mean?

It’s a reference to The Woman in White and The Secret Garden

59: What three words describe you the most?

Passionate, Loyal, Overwhelmed

60: Do you believe in evolution?

Simple answer: yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

If they post too much about politics (because I use social media to escape the real world, not to be reminded of it, plus a lot of things [especially on here] are not fact-checked so I don’t believe much of it anyway), if they start posting things that make me uncomfortable or strain my own mental health, if they’re rude to me or other bloggers

62: What makes you follow a blog?

I like them and/or their content

63: Favorite kind of person:

Trustworthy and open

64: Favorite animal(s):

Puffins, Penguins, Cats

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

I’ve taken multiple tests and it’s always either INTJ or INFJ, but their percentages are always close to 50/50 so it really depends on the situation

69: What is your star sign?

Libra

73: Do you have platform shoes?

I have platform heels?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

I’m currently trying to read every Hercule Poirot novel (is that interesting? Idk I’m a pretty boring person)

75: Can you do a front flip?

Again, I wish.

76: Do you like birds?

Sure

77: Do you like to swim?

Yes

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

I rarely go ice skating. I used to love it when I did, but I haven’t gone since my knee surgery so I think I’ll be too anxious to enjoy it

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

Being creative

83: Favorite person to talk to:

I don’t like talking to people

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

I thought it’s what all the “cool popular girls” at school used, but I didn’t understand it and didn’t actually use my blog until months after I created it

85: How many followers do you have?

730

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

I have before, but I’m not sure if I still could.

87: Do your socks always match?

Yes

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

Yes

89: What are your birthstones?

Opal

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

A fox

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

A rose, sweet and elegant, yet prickly and cautious toward people trying to use me

92: A store you hate?

Urban Outfitters

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

I shouldn’t drink more than one cup of decaf a day, but sometimes I do… sorry Christine

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Neither

95: Do you like to wear camo?

No

96: Winter or summer?

Winter

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

A minute, last time I timed myself

99: Someone you look up to:

Laura Michelle Kelly

100: A store you love?

H&M

101: Favorite type of shoes

Heels

102: Where do you live?

New York

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

No because I have a very sensitive stomach and would literally die of malnutrition if I didn’t eat meat because I can’t eat a lot of food that vegetarians/vegans use as supplements

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

I love amethysts and pearls and opals and diamonds

105: Do you drink milk?

I can’t

106: Do you like bugs?

No

107: Do you like spiders?

...I’m arachnophobic

108: Something you get paranoid about?

Everything, I have an anxiety disorder (actually multiple…)

109: Can you draw:

Kinda?

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Why do you keep to yourself all the time”

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

NO THANK YOU

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes!

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Cloudy, I get chronic migraines so the sun can be too much for me

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

Joe, one of my absolute best friends (he gives the BEST hugs)

118: Do you have freckles?

Yes

119: Favorite thing about a person:

If they treat me kindly and gently and don’t make fun of how emotional I am

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Fruits

121: Something you want to do right now:

Sing

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

Ocean

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights?

Dim, but not too dim

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

How catty people are

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

The way little niches form

128: What do you think about the least?

Things that trigger my anxiety ?? How is this question supposed to be asked ??

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

No one, that’s rude

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

I don’t like anything about myself (Christine’s gonna come for me for this because she always tries to get me to answer these kinds of questions and I never can)

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

My teeth can’t physically show when I smile?

133: Computer or TV?

Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Yes

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

No

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

Lobed

137: Do you believe in karma?

Yes

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

Like a 0

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Jillibean, chicklet, Jilli, Jill, I usually just go by Jillian though

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

Yes

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

Shout out to my girl Christine for putting up with my disaster of a life every friday morning at 9am!

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

I feel like I have no influence over others

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I like giving help, but hate giving gifts because I feel like I’m so bad at it

144: What makes you angry

When people don’t listen to me, when people aren’t being fair (in a situation where fairness is due)

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

2 – English and French

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

I prefer people who are nice to me

147: Are you androgynous?

No

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

Wasn’t this already asked? Nothing

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

Nothing

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

Joe, Sammi, Lindsey

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Victorian England

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

Yes

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES is this not something people do?? (sorry Joe)

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes (seriously wishing Joe used tumblr so I could tag him in all these things)

156: What embarrasses you?

Everything, legit my entire existence is an embarrassment to everyone who associates with me

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Everything, I have an (several) anxiety disorder(s)

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

“I’m fine”

159: How many people are you following?

139 – I did like a cleanse over the summer

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

84,034 and I actually just gasped at that number – why am I like this?

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

None

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

4,901

163: Last time you cried and why:

Watching “When Calls the Heart” earlier had me teary-eyed, but I was kinda at my Grandmother funeral a few days ago so???

164: Do you have long or short hair?

Long

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

I don’t know, I don’t measure it?

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

I like religion when it is practiced in a way that doesn’t harm other people. I don’t believe that anyone should be forced to follow a religion, but it can really provide safety and guidance to people when followed correctly.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes – it’s an artform to me, and I love experimenting with different looks!

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

Head, yes, hands, no and I really don’t know what I’m doing wrong because I know all like the techniques and stuff I’m supposed to be employing and they never work ???

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

yes

[jjinomu]

how did you get into editing pmd models? you're super good at them, and i'm considering taking it up. i was wondering, how/where did you pick it up?

oh boi oh geez where do i even begin omg (long post so i chucked the rest under the cut)

first thank you for your compliment hehe i really appreciate that!! but hmmm well- i started editing pmd/pmx models like aaaaaages ago i dont even remember much but generally for most beginners, lots of people tend to recolour (i mean i did it too when i first started hehe shout out to my zatsune model edit of animasa miku phew gud ol’ days) which is totally okay especially if you’re just figuring out how like colours/textures work and the whole material panel/subsets/i’m saying-weird-terminology-that-you-probably-don’t-get-yet pretty much all the tools and what they do that’s totally okay hehe once you poke around it for a while, you’ll get use to which tool does what and that’s all gud (i recommend getting the english translated version of PMDeditor (or PMX- i use PMX) because that’ll save you a lot of time (i use the japanese version because i’m weird and dumb and i’m still trying to figure stuff out myself to this day)

after that phase of recolouring (normally i wouldn’t recommend staying in this for long like, i recoloured 1 model and moved on straight away HAHA) at this point one of the most common and main styles of editing for starters is taking editable (or ‘legal’) parts from other models that allow editing (make sure stuff is editable before you do anything or you could get in trouble), and then piecing it together to form your own cool new model edit yeyeye, there should be plenty of tutorials how to do this and how to avoid glitches with joints/physics/bones and stuff so if you want, just hmu privately and i can quest for some for you, but it shouldn’t be too difficult to find!! 

usually lots of people generally stay in that area of editing which is totally chill as well, with practice and constant improvement you could like reach some good levels of work from just part-editing itself, ive seen it happen many many times!!

otherwise the other option you could go down is what i generally do nowadays for editing- and that’s i guess, ‘modelling parts’ (which is what most people call it) or ‘meta-editing’- it involves pretty much, chucking a base into an external 3D program to build clothes/your own parts and then re-rig it entierly again in PMXeditor (i’m a lil tired asf but i have a tutorial tab on my tumblr page where i go more in depth on this and where to start if this is what you wanna do) thoUGH keep in mind, it’s probably best you get use to using PMX and all the terminolgy and such before anything or else it’ll be like what whAT WHat

personally i think that this ‘meta-editing’ method is almost the more easier and safer route, though when you’re starting out it’s like ‘MmMM shit’ but trust me it’s…. imo it’s easier than part-editing (because i used to do that too) mostly because 1. you just make your shit rather than find it (sometimes some parts aren’t even ever made) and 2. you avoid breaking rules completely because heck ur doing it 100% urself wat are rules (aside from obviously your base model’s rules haha)

i forgot what else i wanted to say um

oh yeah well- this is like the basic of the basic explanations, i need you to be more specific if you want me to teach you stuff but the least i can do now is give you a brief overview?? but das it ehe

otherwise some tips i’d like to mention as well which have nothing to do with the actual practice, are as follows:

#1 tip: that i donnn’t think i’ve ever preached on this blog before but i might as well start bc it’s important!!! try ur best to remain humble/modest watever- honestly i think….. if you start thinking you’re some God level editor or watever that’s when…… improvement kinda halts……. so even though it might be kinda ehhh, be a little harsh on yourself- you’re your own critic and it’s better to recognise your faults before someone else points them out for you (because that can hurt heaps, but i mean if u hate urself first nobody else can amirITE AMIRITE i’m kidding don’t hate urself)

i, for one am always very horrible to myself with my edits- like i dislike a looot of them which is actually kinda terrible LMAOO so i don’t recommend like hating everything you do because that ruins the fun- and sometimes it might even push you to stop entirely (i’ve known friends that have quit because they couldn’t get it right etc.) as long as you realise that whatever you do currently isn’t going to be as great as what you do later in life, then you’re like guranteed to improve no doubt about it- in a way, you’re not putting any limitations on yourself so you can grow from that! just continue to persevere, some people don’t improve until a looot later and some people improve like within weeks- so don’t let that get to you either!!! i’ve been doing this shit for like ages and i still am not as good as like actual modellers because i’ve just…. been too comfortable and improved only as an editor askdajsk

#2 tip: do not compare yourself to others especially when you’re first starting out- i’ve had…… quite a number of people compare themselves to me which is….. to say the least……. quite uncomfortable for the person you’re comparing yourself to??? because you gotta keep in mind how long people have been doing stuff (like this is my 6th year and literally everyday i’ve opened up PMX or metasequoia and i’ve toyed around for at least an hour) and idk just try not to compare yourself- because i know it’s kinda difficult not to but trust me, try to walk your own path you can create your own shit without necassarily comparing- unless you’re comparing to improve yourself whiiich leads me to my #3 tip

#3 tip: do not be afraid to mimic styles or toy with styles, i mean do not claim a certain style as your own that’s a HUGE nono, but it doesn’t hurt to like attempt to mimic someone who you look up to, and their style in order to help you improve and find your own style!! i personally mimic artists (rather than MMDers/editors) when i do my edits and then i started to develop my own kinda style??? like i still do a lot of imitation ‘edits’ which are those anime edits you see every now and again (like my yoi models or my binan models) and that’s fine!!! i think the most improvement i’ve ever had in terms of face-editing and stuff have come from me trying to imitate art of others (instead of just blindly going for my own style from the getgo) and this goes for drawing too!!! hell i still ‘mimic’ styles whenever i do any edits that have already an art design for?? i like accuracy first and then i play my style into it later and that’s totally cool too!! as long as you correctly credit and don’t claim as your own, you can’t really go much wrong (unless the person is like hey? can u pls stop? then ya don’t HAHA) i once had an incident back when i was a baby editor where i,,,,,,, kind of recreated someone else’s style of model edit line into like a different model style (in this case it was LAT so that’s how long ago it was) and then redistributed without their prior permission and ya that was bad don’t do that HAHA

and ya that should be it, i wrote this like 60 years ago and it’s been sitting in my drafts and i totally forgot about it until today so i hope that helps ya out!!