#But Fyodor looked so delicious in this chapter too 😍

[rottenstawberrygirl]

I love the new vibe of your blog aaah— I would dare say we are matching now! ^^

Thoughts on the new chapter? :>

I haven’t read No Longer Human (which is why I’m totally throwing in the dark here), but I’m starting to think that people hallucinating Dazai is actually part of his ability.

Oh, I didn't even realize we matched. That's so cute of us. One of my friends said my blog was too red and unorganized, so I tried to do something more "aesthetic." Perhaps I'll tidy it up a little more over time. I don't know. I'm glad I've changed it, though.

Us 👇🏻

🖤 Dark Academia 🤝🏻 Light Academia 🤎

I have "No Longer Human," but I couldn't bring myself to start it because of how depressing people were saying it was. 😞 I have a feeling I might not be able to handle it, but I suppose I'll start it because I want to have a better understanding of Dazai's character.

I will write my thoughts then. I'm not a good analyzer, but I'll try for you. Let me know if there are things you disagree with me on. I like it when an intelligent woman womansplain things to me heheh. 😼

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ CHAPTER 121 .𖥔 ݁ ˖

𝜗𝜚 (trauma 😍) 𝜗𝜚

Ahem, first things first, 👏🤵‍♀️

Atsushi has never recovered from his past traumas, as we can see from the way he falls apart every time things go downhill, and now he is doubting himself again and believes there is no point in fighting against Fyodor. Honestly, Atsushi's hallucinations are genuinely the saddest to me. He only finds the motivation to not give up by imagining if Dazai was there, encouraging him to stand up. 😕

I wonder if there's anything between him hallucinating and the destroyed Page. Isn't Atsushi connected to the book after all? Is this why everything, including his delusions of Dazai, goes pitch black at the end?

I think I'll wait for the next chapter to discuss them more. I feel we will see more of them in 122, especially because that last scene can go in many different directions.

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The other things I want to talk about in this chapter...

I mean, I think it's obvious he's doing these on purpose.

He wants to destroy Atsushi completely psychologically, crushing his hope and making him fall into despair. He may want him to be ignited with revenge or trigger his survival instinct so that he can ultimately unleash Byakko to protect him. At this point, he's just pushing the poor boy to his limits, knowing that he won't give up so easily. But even if he had given up, it probably wouldn't really matter to him. Fyodor doesn't care if Atsushi's dead or alive in the end, but still, he is taking his chances cause he probably views Atsushi as weak/manipulatable, and breaking his will and molding him into what he wants, killing his spirit would be more practical in his plans since he only wanted Byakko, and didn't deem Atsushi worthy of her from the beginning.

Whether tormenting Atsushi or harming others, he does what he believes is necessary and justifies his actions each time. (I love what a horrible, cruel person he is.)

Let's look at this panel, in which half of Fyodor's face is shadowed with black. I really like this panel because it is yet another example of how deranged he actually is. Metaphorically speaking - part of him is bright, and a part of him is dark, or in this case, white and black. In that scene, he finally gets the reaction he has been trying to get out of Atsushi. This face may also indicate that a part of him secretly feels a sick satisfaction from doing this to him, enjoying causing suffering to an ability user. This panel also SO reminded me of Ivan and the Devil from TBK. 😭 Is it just me??? I've never heard anyone talk about it. I need someone to do a better analysis than me.

I think this is another interesting way to represent his character because usually, most audiences expect a character to be either good or bad and not change unless that character is seen as "redeemable" enough in their eyes. If they are not, then no matter how much effort that character makes to change and become a better person, they would still seem bad at their core. It's like how the fandom sees Dazai, his effort to become a good person is very much ignored despite the fact that all the characters in BSD are as morally gray as the world we live in.

And I believe that we may see Fyodor also having this kind of parallel to Dazai in the future when his whole backstory is revealed. Fyodor does horrible things, though, with a greater purpose: to fix the world, establish peace, and save humanity, as he claims. We don't know the exact reason why or what made him start everything, but he's also trying to be "good" like Dazai, a "savior" in his own crazy way. Well, except that he does not see his vision as flawed in the sense that he already perceives himself as the "good" and the "savior" he is trying to be.

I wonder if he remembers why he made up his mind to eliminate all the ability users and create a world without them in the first place. They are all humans, like him, despite their abilities. Why does he view them as sinners in particular? People who don’t have abilities do things considered “sinful,” too. Why work for so many years just to achieve that? There must be a reason more than “wanting peace” or his own curse-like ability. What was his personality like before he became like this? What kind of parents did he have? Did he ever have a family before he discovered his ability? Back then, people lived less, so I wouldn't be shocked. Does he still remember the faces and the voices of the people he used to care deeply about? Did ability users murder them, or did they betray him? What is his connection with everything? Does he even know who he is? How does he feel when he stands before the mirror and notices the visible effects of years of suffering and pain in his own haunted eyes? I just see it all as tragic.

I want to understand the reasons behind his savior complex/fallen angel parallels.

I think his motive was initially a very personal one. As time went on, he gradually forgot why, but he had seen and experienced things—awful things—that ability users have done, whether on purpose or not, and that caused him to put even more meaning into what he firmly believed in. What led him to pursue this path in the first place lost its significance and was no longer just personal. Then, he made it a worldwide problem, humanity’s problem, which he became so determined to fix. He became more obsessed and focused solely on accomplishing what he called his “mission.” After all, he was the only one capable of fixing a problem like this; he was not allowed to die, so this had to be his purpose. That must be why God had blessed him with this gift. His agony had to have a meaning, a justification. Otherwise, he would have gone mad. Anybody would have an ability like his.

He planned all of this perfectly, and everything is unfolding as he wants it to. From the very beginning, he knew he would not fail. And now, at this point, I think he just wants to finish what he started, what he made his mission, and I think he wants peace.

There are definitely so many questions about him. I know a lot of people in this fandom are sick of seeing him, but he's really one of the most enigmatic and profound characters I've seen in fiction. We still barely know anything about him. I think this arc, and probably the next one to come, will be the arc where Atsushi shines as the main character, and Fyodor shines as the main antagonist alongside him. Yes, I miss seeing the other characters I love. Yes, I wish we could go back to the old days of the Armed Detective Agency, but I beg people not to spew hate on Asagiri-sensei when the story is just beginning to get exciting. It has so much potential, and we are reading a wonderfully written, well-crafted story with plenty of effort put into it, so let's please acknowledge this. This fandom needs to voice their criticism and opinions in a respectful manner. I love our fandom, and watching what it has become saddens me.

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I don't believe he would give up on the Bookmark this quickly after all the trouble he went through to find it. I'm sure he's playing some kind of twisted game here, but on the other hand, Fyodor is not reckless, so I'm actually very confused about this chapter. Isn't it impossible to destroy the Book? How did he even tear that Page? Is the Page he tore apart even real? Will we be seeing him get on that plane and depart, or will he be stopped by Atsushi or someone else before he can make it? I have so many questions, but I can't answer them all. 😭

But let me tell you this, man: ASAGIRI AND HARUKAWA SENSEI ARE COOKING ‼️🗣🔥🔥

Speaking of cooking, I haven't eaten anything since this morning; I might be full of bullshit right now, lololol. I'm gonna go and eat something now. Talking makes me even more hungrier istg.

The fandom right now: