#But David’s just such a sensitive person and that fear of being tossed aside the second he’s not cool or young or interesting enough anymor

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

Something something “let the old man run around for a minute and then we’ll get the nice young bloke in” “happy birthday Doctor Who! You’re older than me!” “One last shot before you get too old to do it again” “it’s been fifteen years (attempts to smooth out wrinkles as something like panic flashes across his face)” and will you still want me when I’m nothing new…

[pro-bee]

Ziva David Appreciation Week Day 1: Underrated Friendship

OK, I had a totally different idea for this one initially (and if I have time tonight maybe I’ll make another post), but here it goes for now:

I don’t know how “underrated” this is, but I really liked the relationship between Ziva and Damon Werth.

(All screencaps in this post courtesy of NCIS Source.)

They meet under inauspicious circumstances, of course. He is their main suspect and has just beaten the crap out of the entire team, including Ziva. 

Yet instead of feeling fear or anger, Ziva is immediately drawn to Damon, because she recognizes something in him: Trauma.

Even before we find out that Damon is a super soldier, that he’s been experimented on and manipulated through the use of steroids to do someone else’s bidding, Ziva is sympathetic towards him, recognizing a look in his eyes she’s probably seen in countless friends and colleagues as a soldier -- and even in herself. Being so focused on your mission that you can’t leave it behind.

For instance, once Werth is in custody, there is that moment with Abby where she freaks out over the attack, losing her marbles over her friends being hurt, and in turn losing it on Ziva when Ziva expresses sympathy for Damon’s situation. That brings the infamous line where Abby accuses Ziva of being an “emotionless” assassin, compared to the rest of them who presumably have feelings, which gets right at the heart of Ziva’s own pain. Because we know she’s not emotionless, just like Damon isn’t, and she sees in him what she assumes the world sees of her. That on the outside she appears to be the perfect soldier, following orders without remorse, but we know that on the inside she feels so deeply that she essentially feels alone, like no one can understand her.

Which is why she is so desperate to clear Damon’s name. 

He’s a marine who gave his life to serve his country and is now being tossed aside to cover up someone else’s mistakes, just like Ziva’s been used by her father and Mossad to serve someone else’s agenda, been trained her whole life to be the sharp end of someone else’s spear, without any consideration for her own desires or choices.

Which is why it’s so important to her to not only plead his case and get to the bottom of what really happened, but also show him that someone out there does understand what he’s going through. Both the trauma of what happens in a war zone and when you get home -- and what it’s like to have everyone make assumptions about you and write you off. (As the conversation with Abby painfully demonstrates.)

So when they finally figure out what is happening to him, that someone is harming him, Ziva is determined that she can get through to him, and insists on meeting with him, even though it is a risk to her safety. 

Which proves to be true, when they have their “Pulp Fiction” moment and he Hulk Smashes his way through the hospital room:

What has always struck me about this scene is how preternaturally calm she is in this moment. This guy who probably weighs twice as much as her comes charging at her, and sure, she’s probably internally worried that she’s going to get hurt, but she isn’t scared of him. And not in that “Ziva is a badass who takes no shit” kind of way, but in an overwhelmingly compassionate, “this isn’t who he is” way. It is incredibly vulnerable and raw, but again displays this whole other side of her that we only get glimpses of. 

The show often glosses over Ziva’s own military service, but how many men (and women) do you think Ziva has known in her lifetime who have ended up exactly like Damon? Guys who were once your best buddies whose brains ended up like “Swiss cheese” to quote this show, due to their PTSD and whatever else they’ve suffered with as a result? Friends you wish you could have helped but lost along the way?

I feel like that is exactly what drives Ziva to fight for him so fiercely from the outset, and why she takes an unusually silent, open approach with him. 

She gave him a chance when no one else would.

(Because life gave her a second chance when by all accounts she never should have had it.)

Like, I even love that of all of them, it’s Ziva and Gibbs who get dressed up all fancy to take Damon to his medal ceremony, and how disappointed they both are when it gets cancelled.

They want to stand by him. (That’s a whole other post -- how Ziva and Gibbs “get” the military duty aspect more than any of the other combination of team members, because they’re the only two who have served and understand the commitment and personal sacrifice that entails firsthand.)

Bonus cap: Ziva in fancy clothes:

Anyway, this first episode is mostly Ziva-focused, obviously, because Damon’s brain was all scrambled, but I loved how it showed their instant connection, which is highlighted in his future appearances in season 7.

It’s a short one in “Outlaws and Inlaws,” but it packs a punch.

Once again, Damon finds himself accidentally on the wrong side, this time because it turns out his boss is a mercenary who has hired him to kidnap Layla and Amira (under the guise of “rescue,”) but I love that as soon as he sees Ziva there, he goes from “oh no I have to save my friend!” to “oh SHIT we gotta fix this” when Ziva tells him what is in fact happening. Like, screw all his coworkers, if Ziva tells him something’s wrong, he’s with her 110%. I love how deep that trust is.

And I like how he changes sides immediately at this too. We only see him briefly in this episode, but he’s totally ride-or-die for Team NCIS, thanks to Ziva. 

Then in his last episode, he and Ziva actually get to team up on a mission!

And they’re all cute and fun and flirty but in a totally friendly way!

(Not gonna lie, if Ziva couldn’t be with Tony, I would have been fine with her having a fling with Damon. He was hot and nice and kinda worshipped her, what’s not to like? But I digress.)

I just really appreciated how he was this dude who could easily have been a macho meathead, but instead he’s sensitive and struggling with his demons, just like Ziva is, and the reignite this kinship over their shared history of trauma:

“My friends who know about these things tell me it is a science. Trauma intensifies memory, which can make it feel ever present.” “There a reason for that?” "Perhaps to teach you, so you do not allow it to happen again.” "I keep getting stuck in my own history.” "Look, the last time we saw each other, you were in control. You helped us. Even after everything you have gone through, you can move forward. You can find the right path, Damon.”

(transcript courtesy Springfield)

In the context of the show, this is months after Somalia, and Ziva is still grappling with what happened to her there, along with everything that happened to her in her life before she came to NCIS, and she’s trying to reconcile who she wants to be with her past. 

But she’s doing the work. That’s the important part.

So when she reunites with Damon, sees him struggling with his own past and his own choices and possibly heading down the wrong path because he can’t find his footing in civilian life, she’s sympathetic to his plight. Because she was lucky enough to have NCIS to fall back on, something to help guide her and give her direction in her life when she left her old one. Damon doesn’t have that kind of support system, and like Ziva went from being in a highly specialized unit where everything was life-or-death, to living an aimless existence just trying to get by. 

I love that Ziva tries to mentor him in a way, or even act like a sponsor of sorts, showing him that trauma manifests in different forms, but that there are ways to get through it. They are not defined by their experiences or by others’ expectations of them, and all they can do is work hard to honour their choices and live up to their own expectations of themselves.

I love that they took what was probably this one-off character in season 5, and used his backstory to mirror Ziva’s, and help her work through some of those feelings herself. 

I’d like to think that Damon and Ziva kept in touch over the years, checked in with each other with a quick text every couple of months or years to see what they’re up to. He was an unexpectedly cool dude, and I’m glad we got to see Ziva show compassion to him when no one else would, because that is such a huge part of who she is. She fights for those who don’t have a voice.

I’d totally be cool with Damon coming back one day!

[eldritchsurveys]

289.

Let’s start with you: How are you?: >> I’m all right.

What motivates you to get up every day?: >> I mean, the alternative is worse...

Do you have a true best friend?: >> No.

Do you see yourself as a sensitive person?: >> I don’t see myself that way, no.

Have you been upset recently?: >> Sure.

Do you still leave/receive voicemails?: >> No. Is this something one stops doing at some point, for some reason? I just don’t use the phone much, period, and I never have.

Do you live in your hometown?: >> No.

Are you a festive person? Do you enjoy holidays?: >> I can be a festive person, as long as brain shit isn’t interfering. I do enjoy holidays (some much more than others, obviously).

Did you/Will you attend college?: >> I did not attend and I won’t.

How many alarm clocks do you use?: >> Zero.

Do you consider yourself to be an open-minded person?: >> Yep.

Do you eat fruit?: >> Not usually. Produce is the most annoying shit to buy and keep and eat, what with how quickly it goes bad and how shit I can be at eating things in a timely fashion. I commend and envy those who don’t have this problem, but it’s definitely a problem.

What is your favorite subject to learn about?: >> I’m not sure.

How many meals a day do you typically eat?: >> At least one; two on average. 

Music, eh?

Have you seen any live shows?: >> Yes.

Name three of your favorite bands/artists…: >> David Bowie, Pearl Jam, Coheed & Cambria.

How big of a role does music play in your life?: >> It plays an extremely large role in my life.

Can you play any instruments?: >> No.

You’re feeling down - do you listen to sad music or happy? >> I don’t often choose music based on the mood it’s supposed to evoke. I listen to metal when I’m feeling down because something about the tempo and percussion-heavy sound is soothing. Or I’ll listen to synth stuff because it’s engaging in a way that just works for me. Sometimes I’ll listen to songs that make me cry if I feel the need for that sort of catharsis, but those songs aren’t necessarily “sad songs”, they’re just ones that make me cry. *shrug*

If you’ve ever been to a concert, how old were you and who did you see?: >> I’ve been to a lot of concerts. I was 18 when I went to my first one, and I saw Avenged Sevenfold and Coheed & Cambria on a co-headliner tour. (I actually went to two shows on that tour; the first one was in NJ and the second one was in NYC the next month.) Do you prefer music to be meaningful and deep, or purely for dancing/fun?: >> I like both. That’s why there’s Rush’s 2112 and Taylor Swift + Brendon Urie’s ME! on my playlist, for example. Is there a song or artist that you secretly enjoy, but don’t want to enjoy?: >> No.

If you could only listen to music from one decade, which would you choose?: >> I would never restrict myself like that. Has your parents taste in music in any way affected what you like?: >> Yeah, I grew up with a lot of R&B and soul music (and gospel, sometimes) playing in the house so I still deeply appreciate that kind of music. You’re looking for some new music - what’s your preferred way to discover?: >> Checking out random playlists on Spotify, usually. Do you still own any CD’s/records/tapes?: >> I have records, but no CDs or tapes. Do you ever hear a new song on tv that you like and find it?: >> Definitely. Speaking of television… (look at that smooth transition!) Do you watch a lot of television? Whether that be shows, news, movies etc.: >> I watch a fair amount, I guess one could say. Anywhere between a half hour to 3 hours of TV on any given day. Do you watch the news?: >> No. What about the weather channel?: >> I don’t have cable. I use the NOAA app on my phone for weather. What’s your favorite holiday movie?: >> It’s a Wonderful Life. What hooks you to a television show? >> There are different factors depending on what kind of show it is, but the one thing that’s universal for me is whether the characters are interesting, whether I care about what happens to them or not (even if “I care what happens” just means “I really gotta see what ridiculously stupid fucking shit they’re going to do now”, like in It’s Always Sunny). How do you feel about adult cartoons?: >> I like some of them, I don’t like others. Talk shows - boring or entertaining?: >> Boring, for me. Do you prefer cable, satellite or streaming?: >> We use streaming services. Have you come across any new shows you like this year?: >> I started watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia this year, finally, and I gotta say, I see why it’s so popular. I don’t remember what else I started watching this year, specifically, that was new to me. Do you still watch shows that you grew up watching?: >> I didn’t really grow up watching anything. What about movies that you grew up with?: >> The only movies I really remember from childhood that I still enjoy watching are Labyrinth, The Prince of Egypt, and The Pagemaster. I didn’t see a lot of movies as a child, either, aside from dry historical shit that my dad made me watch. Are you subscribed to any streaming services?: >> Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime. Reality shows - entertaining or horrifying?: >> The genre seems to have broadened considerably since the Survivor and Jersey Shore era, so yeah, there are some reality shows I can stand watching, like some stuff on HGTV. What is the first movie you ever saw in a cinema?: >> The Prince of Egypt. Let’s talk about what you don’t discuss at Sunday brunch Do you identify with any organized religion?: >> No. If so - is it how you were raised, or have you found your own?: >> I was raised Christian, and when I got old enough to realise that 1) it didn’t suit me and 2) I didn’t have to be chained to a religion if I didn’t want to be, I gave it up. Do you think that marijuana should be legalized?: >> I don’t have a firm opinion on that specifically. I’m sure it’d be fine if it was, but I specifically think people should stop being given ridiculous prison sentences for drug possession, and I think the War on Drugs should end, because it’s not helping anyone. If so, would that be for medical use only, or recreational?: >> I mean, if you’re going to legalise it, then... legalise it... across the board. Pro-life or pro-choice?: >> Pro-choice. Have you ever protested or been on strike?: >> I’ve participated in protests. Is gun control necessary or no?: >> Certainly. Are you happy with the political state where you reside?: >> Not currently. It seems to me like our current administration is straight-up ignoring the Constitution, and considering the Constitution is the basis of USian democracy, that seems pretty fucked up to me. I know a lot of people think that the problem is... democracy, for some reason? and no, I don’t agree with that. Democracy is the least corruptible political system I can think of, and the fact that its core tenets are being tossed out of the window of the Oval Office right now is not the system’s fault, it’s the fault of the specific people we’ve voted into office. Should abstinence or sex education be taught in schools?: >> Sex education. “Teaching” abstinence isn’t education, it’s just attempting to use fear and shame to intimidate young people into not having sex. What are they actually learning? Have you read the book 13 Reasons Why or watched the show?: >> No. Should shows like this be available to everyone or could it be a trigger?: “Um, of course they should. People with triggers become adept at knowing what they can and can’t watch and will make their choices accordingly; we’re not idiots. If I know something has torture in it, I stay away from it. Simple as that. I’m not going to deny other people the right to watch what they want.” <-- What I was going to say is basically this, but this is the succinct version so I’ll just... yep. Okay, let’s simmer down. Back to happy things. Do you like animals?: >> Sure. If so, do you have any pets?: >> No. I like animals best when they don’t live in my space. What is your favorite day of the week and why?: >> I don’t have one. Do you have a favorite season?: >> Spring. How do you enjoy nice scents? >> ??? Do you live in a large city or small town?: >> Small city. Are you happy with that or would you like to change it?: >> I’d prefer a city with more... of an identity, I guess I would say? Grand Rapids gives me the impression of a very young city, which exists in a culturally homogeneous region of the Midwest US, and it kind of just takes its cues from... what’s hot and popular in this era. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. A lot of people love GR because it’s a forgotten city that’s had an urban renewal phase and now it’s... respectable, I guess you could say. But as far as my personal desires in a city are concerned, it’s not my kind of place. I love places that are so culturally rich that just being in them changes you fundamentally, places that are colourful and vibrant and unabashedly unique. Places that aren’t afraid to be unpolished in places, places that love their dead. I don’t know. I have a lot of feelings about this but they’re hard to make coherent. Do you have any children?: >> No. Are there any colors that you think compliment you?: >> Yeah, most of them. Do you enjoy cleaning or find it to be a chore?: >> I really don’t enjoy cleaning. I very much enjoy tidying and organising, though! What is your absolute favorite food?: >> I don’t have one.

If you were any color, what would you be?: >> I’d have to be black or white. A hue that contains or absorbs the entire colour spectrum. Do you spend a lot of time on social networks?: >> I really don’t. I’ve downsized to the point where now I only have tumblr, and I spend less time here, too. It’s... it’s nice.