#Bunno!Self

[rnm-magic-space-xsd]

[luvvly-imouto-sherry]

Me >:0!

[chaos-bunnyships]

Self-ship struggles

tw: mention of blood and violence and murder.

One of the things I've always struggled with with self-shipping is, I crave to be comforted. My life has been hard. I want to be cuddled, kissed, to be given head-pats and unconditional love, but at the same I have this darker side (probably born from trauma) that loves fictional violence, murder, and gore and I cannot ignore that. I feel like this juxtaposition of needs and kinks can't be reconciled with any of my f/os. 💔

My villain f/os would never give me the soft comfort I need, but I'm too dark for softer f/os to completely accept. *sighs* I need a guy that can do both, and I haven't found them.

Anyone have suggestions or f/o recommendations?

[ultramantr1gger]

7 for me

It's not fear

It's your confidence

you need to be confident to fill the role of mean annoying little sibling like i do. they key is to affirm yourself that Your dick is huge

[audible--silence]

Well shit.

23 ay, the year Casey resented turning just a few months prior. The last 12 months felt like they were one big bender except I started it hopeful and optimistic, went through a few months of utter chaos, underwent a huge amount of change and then came out the other end somewhere between jaded and selfish; and chaotic and fun. The last twelve months flew by seemingly so fast i can barely remember it, until i start thinking about it and i realize just how much happened and how much has changed and how much ive done and how much everyone has done. So much has happened. You went through a good few months of breakup chaos (as i write this, i cant believe the breakup isn’t ancient history yet) including lots of mates, lots of staying busy, lots of alcohol and a fair few joints. I hitchhiked to Broome and back with Dan. That set me off on the photography and adventure road for the year. The post breakup was lots of kinda staying together, trying to be friends, jealousy, miscommunication, pettiness and frustration but at the same time, there was much love and patience and understanding and forgiveness and care and fun. In the middle of the worst of it, there was always the knowing that we’d be ok. We always believed it. Then after some months of change and growth, for better or for worse, we find ourselves on opposite sides of the country again, my plan to come see you spoiled by hard conversation, hard feelings and a hard fucking virus to plan around. We both had our chaotic period of the year, mine being arguably a tad more fun and a tad less anxious. Yours arguably giving me the most fomo, though I cant say for sure. I spent my days filling them with anything and everything with anyone and everyone. I made lots of new friends and intensified relationships with old ones. In the same breath, i think I’ve drifted from some others, though it may be too early to tell. We drifted and I started to let you go. One day, I realized it worked, after much effort and pain. Sometime after, you realized you felt differently about the idea of being together and I got spooked. I told myself I wasn’t ready but the truth is i was just very scared. Of opening back up, of looking like a fool, of getting played again. I withdrew and started being painful to you in a sad effort to make you want space. I hurt you and caused you grief and for more than I wish to accept, I knew i was. I was selfish and unsure which made for a cocktail designed to reduce any situation into a heavily laden emotional shitstorm that took its time playing out through lots of letters and discussions and fights but eventually ended in us planting enough metaphorical and physical space smack bang in the middle of us with the desired outcome being a certain degree more ok without the other. I welcomed it gladly till I realized you were actually pretty great. Now, we’ve had our season of not talking and are now trying the whole friendship thing again. As i write, I’m assuming you have a new boyfriend. He has good tastebuds. I know little as it stands, we’ve been out of communication for some time. I hope he’s wonderful but i kind of hope you still like me a little. Selfish im sure but hey.

I spent the time working, drinking, gigging, shooting, writing, planning on moving and the eventually traveling anyway. I met a new girl. It came and went pretty swiftly. I gave her my virginity and it was not worth it. I ended up leaving my crew of beautiful friends, my lovely old piece of shit house, my super fun job and all of the customers and going up north to Exmouth with one of Gods finest creations, Ben Gallagher. I write this right now in Karijini, where im traveling with many good humans in a slightly dodgy nissan xtrail that fit most of my life in. My life without the people that make it so. Im learning from traveling that you cant take the joy you get from your relationships with your friends to strangers and expect the same result. I dont miss my bed, despite my car barely fitting me, but i do miss my friends. They’re all doing mostly well. Claire is seeing Austy and they seem to be in the wildly in love phase. Reubs fucked his shoulder and is now mining gold. Ty lives with Reubs, broke up with Z, got a new job and then stopped talking to me when i left town. Ben is strong w Cails and is currently undergoing prac in bunno. Tom is living the dream still. I think his house is being built? Dan just proposed the fkn maniac. Harry got married. Fuckin nuts. Loz is building a house, the gang are all doin good. Music vids are coming out n shit now. Up the barry.

I started working at Hemingway, a place that saw me through a lot of different stages of life. I started a little unsure of myself and what i was doing and then left it confident, self assured enough in my abilities and with scores of new friends from the team and the customers. All of whom mostly entirely unaware, helped me through a breakup and then saw me thrive and grow into my own skin day by day and coffee after coffee. As i write this, its been a couple months since my last shift and i really miss it.

As I write this I realize more and more just how much happened this year and just how little I have reflected on it. Too much time socializing, working and surfing in a mad ditch to stay busy in order to avoid thinking about much at all. Evidently worked because I am realizing i have so much to talk about and realizing i have so much to contemplate.

Where I find myself now, i have more to say and feel i have less power to say it. I want to do everything but I dont know why. I miss my people but they dont talk much unless im there. I dont know what to do with myself and im not sure if im supposed to or not.

I’m tired, less enthusiastic and cynical.

I’m also fun and ready and charming enough to figure shit out right now that seems to be what i want. To figure shit out. I dont even know my own brain anymore, maybe I should figure that out. It all seemed so easy with her. I miss that. But here I am. I will make ot work.

12.12

4/8/21

[junephang2021]

Mappings for anger

According to Türker (2013), two of the most commonly found mappings for ANGER in cross-linguistic studies are ANGER IS HOT FLUID IN A CONTAINER, and ANGER IS FIRE. Both are present in English and Korean.

For the ANGER IS HOT FLUID IN A CONTAINER mapping:

“In general, the container is considered the body, but there are cases in which the container can be certain parts of the body such as the heart or head (e.g. (gaseum mitbadageseo) kkeureooreuneun bunno ‘anger boil up (from the bottom of X’s heart)’, gaseume deulkkeulteon hwa ‘anger seething in X’s heart’). As the temperature of the fluid increases, the intensity of the ANGER rises (e.g. hwaga kkeulta ‘anger seethe on the simmer’). Much as in English, the fluid can also be blood, which corresponds with ANGER (e.g. bunnoga (bunnoui pi) deulkkeulta ‘anger (anger’s blood) seethe’, piga meoriro sotkkuchineun bunno ‘blood-raise-to-head anger’).” (Türker, 2013, p. 81).

I collected the following English examples of this mapping in my data:

“Fire brewing up inside me” (Abigail, 19) “Pot boiling over, overflowing” (Olivia, 25) “Volcano, bubbling and building up until blow” (Minseok, 28) “Boiling pot” (Benjamin, 33)

None of my participants cited the ANGER IS HOT FLUID IN A CONTAINER metaphor in Korean, however. Two participants used ANGER IS FIRE as their Korean metaphor:

“Hwa nada” (’become angry,’ literally ‘fire comes out’) (Jordan, 23) “Ddeugo-woon bul” (’hot fire’) (Jacob, 32)

The Korean word hwa, borrowed from Chinese, originally meant “fire.” The phrase, “hwa nada/hwa neda” now means “to be/become angry.” Because this is a highly conventionalized use of the word, this term is no longer considered a metaphor in the Korean language; the image of fire is no longer connoted, and the term is used to denote simply the emotion of ANGER. However, I include it here as an example of ANGER IS FIRE because “hwa nada” expresses a degree of anger rising, which can fall under the ANGER IS FIRE conceptual metaphor.

Three participants used ANGER IS A NATURAL FORCE:

“Taepung-gi” (’typhoon’) (Maya, 31) “Tsunami” (Benjamin, 33) “Pokpoong-woo” (’storm’) (Sanghoon, 52)

“Korean also displays a number of metaphorical expressions in which natural phenomena correspond with ANGER by conceptualizing the experience or the image of natural phenomenon...As a result, the self becomes passive and helpless under the effect of this extremely powerful entity (e.g. wind, waves, water, etc.) just as physical objects are passive and helpless in relation to powerful natural forces acting on them, as noted by Kövecses (2008a, p. 384).” ( (Türker, 2013, p. 83).

All three participants previously noted some version of this passivity of ANGER IS A NATURAL FORCE. For example, Maya (31) cites the unpredictability and forcefulness of a typhoon, Benjamin (33) characterizes the tsunami as “something you can sometimes see coming but is still unstoppable,” and Sanghoon (52) describes a storm as something “you have to wait until [it’s] gone.” 

*This passivity under NATURAL FORCE also apply when the target domain is HAPPINESS or SADNESS; please refer to the previous post.

One participant used ANGER IS HEAT:

“Yeolbada” (’heat up’) (Abigail, 19)

This mapping is certainly present in Korean, but is generally less frequent than the others. It can indeed be considered a branch of more general metaphors, ANGER IS FIRE and ANGER IS HOT FLUID IN A CONTAINER.

“In this metaphor, the focus is particularly on the temperature of the body in relation to the intensity of ANGER (e.g. bunnoro tteugeopge daraoreuda ‘X get hot with anger’, hwaga na onmomi hukkeungeorida ‘X’s whole body get heated with anger’). Considering the more general metaphors such as ANGER IS FIRE or ANGER IS HOT FLUID IN A CONTAINER, this use of heat is not surprising.”

[senorrandom]

Hey look! It's me... at #artistprojectto at the @deserres booth. They're running a contest where you draw your self portrait and how could I resist? #deserres #torontoartists #scaredofbirds #justinlangfordart (at Better Living Centre) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuNNo-7lctE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=14z3xtlcq0ubs

[tumblunni]

ANYWAY! I’mma gonna talk about my playthru of Digimon World Next Order, to distract me from the fact i’m rapidly approaching the ending and have to wait to sate my JRPG tastes on Persona 5 afterwards...

* it is really really REALLY REALLY really REALLy great to finally be able to play a game in the DW series as a female character. Holy SHIT, man this is overdue! And it isnt handled awfully like in Cyber Sleuth where everyone constantly calls you male and the character design is really oversexualized and doing weirdass poses for everything. There’s still a lil bit of ‘cliche girly option traits’ but seriously she’s like the least stereotyped design we’ve had in the games since Dusk and Dawn! She gets to wear SHORTS and A HOODIE! A hoodie that has an inexplicable hole in the back for some reason, but whatever! xD Also I actually like her version of the Protagonist Hair better, even tho I think its lame they colour coded them in the ol cliche genderedness. Boy character just has one streak of coloured hair at the front, but girl has a spiralling streak on the end of her ponytail that looks like a punk poison sort of fashion~! And it leaks pixels when she runs, and has a really nice glow effect that kinda makes it draw patterns as you swing her model around. Makes me wanna run in circlesssss~ Her dubbed voice is a bit boring cliche anime love interest tho, a bit squeaky after you’ve been hearing it for hours. But the dude is Like Every Shonen Hero Voice Ever, so i think its meant to be intentionally generic for both of them. I could swear he’s voiced by a bad Tai impersonator! XD Also I’m just kinda thankful cos every other girl in the plot gets a REALLY squeaky unbearable english voice, thank god protagonist is spared...

* its a lil bit of funnyness tho that for some reason the skill list is the only place where the translators forgot about the protagonist options. Like.. a LOT of Tamer Skills are weirdly gendered when it would have taken five seconds to change that. Why does it have to be stuff like ‘Cooking Boy’ and ‘Cooking Man’ instead of basic and advanced cooking? Especially cos the other one in between is called Gourmet Cooking...

* I love forever that so many of the virus type recruitable digimon are sweethearts of hugs and joy. Now THAT reminds me of the original Digimon World! Seriously I am SO GLAD that Literally The Same Myotismon has a sidequest about rescuing his precious myobrella so he won’t faint in the sun. or like.. if its not the same Myotismon then MAN he would totally be a great ship with the other equally helpless one in the first game XD He has a nice new function as a townsperson, instead of just being ‘a manager’ in the colloseum and never even being a fight. (That annoyed me as a kid! He just stands there!) Now he runs the card gallery, cos you collect ‘antique cards’ in this game and he restores them with his painting skillz. its a nice lil in-joke cos they’re all the original first trading card artworks from waaaaay back in the first season! And Piedmon is in this one too, yay! He’s actually like the only morally dubious virus type AT ALL, he talks like a cliche mwahaha mad scientist even as he does nothing particularly evil. His sidequest is a funny thing of playing hide and seek and he sucks at it. While yelling hammily about being an evil genius! And then he has quite a useful function in the town, he does a random effect on you once per day with his evil science, and it could be good or it could be bad, but if its bad he actually pays you compensation money for it! EVEN THE EVIL GUY IS TOO KIND And OH MAN I am so happy and sad for Skullgreymon! A good guy skullgreymon was always one of my ideas for a DW fangame, im so happy it happened for real! In this game Skullgreymon is a fashion designer with low self confidence, and you recruit them by finding weregarurumon who’s their biggest fan and becomes their first friend. Its so sweet! They never actually interact once you recruit them both tho, cos they work at different parts of the town. But im still gonna assume they keep in touch! Its also a shame skullgreymon doesnt actually run a fashion shop, cos there actually WAS a fashion shop in Digimon World Redigitize aka the one damn game we’ll never see dubbed T_T Instead skullgreymon gets this kinda depressing role of just standing around outside the entertainment area saying ‘i wish i could work with children but they’re always scared of me’, and then if you bring a newly hatched digimon to see them then they gain bonus stats from being terrified somehow?? NOOO WHERE IS THE OPTION TO TEACH MY CHILDREN THAT SKULLY IS A FRIEND

* Anyway, my main digimon are (still) Hershey and Zephyr, and I love them! I’m still working on hoping to eventually get the full terriermon and lopmon canon digivolution lines with them, wow its hard. But I adore them no matter what form they take at the moment! I ended up loving them so much that i never raised any other digimon ever. i just rename them the same name every time they reincarnate, and pick the same eggs! I’ve gotten close to unlocking every single variation of the bunno brothers evo lines!! But it IS getting really annoying that you have to type the name manually every time, why no option to just stick with the previous name? DW1 had that and it was on way worse hardware! Oh, and its funny that I started off calling them the bunny brothers cos thats what they were in adventure 02, but then after playing the game for ages I’ve settled on headcanoning hershey as female and zephyr as nonbinary. And also I started off with the cliche personalities of sassy rebel terriermon and stoic lopmon like in Tamers, but Hershey ended up being the rebel instead and Zephyr is like a shonen hero cinnamon roll! They’re both equally sassy and eccentric tho XD I’m not quite sure yet what would be their ‘canon’ final mega forms that I wanna keep them in for the final boss and stuff. But hershey’s made me regain my appreciation of Ladydevimon after I stopped liking her as soon as I grew old enough to understand that most of her fans only liked her for being ‘a stripper’ :P Like.. she’s a really damn good design even without the fanservice?? I like her way more than devimon, myotismon and etc, I wish she’d gotten to be a major villain! i mean it sucks that devimon got to be one when she’s literally his evolved form. (And yes I am happy that it continues to be canon that ladydevimon can digivolve from devimon and the same for angewomon and angemon. DIGIMON AINT RESTRAINED BY HUMAN GENDER ROLES YO) So yeah anyway, I kinda headcanon Hershey as a hypothetical less skimpy redesign of LadyDevimon? or like.. if she got her own unique Mega form that kept a similar design, rather than just being retconned into lilithmon and rosemon’s evo lines. I just don’t think the skimpyness fits with Hershey’s personality but the rest of the design just has such a cool piratey thiefy type look?? And she’s like THE BEST monster girl in the franchise, she’s the only one who really gets to be monstery looking, even if she’s still an hourglass figure sex object. i mean i always thought it was meant to be a subversion of that?? She has that giant monster claw hand and is really vicious and powerful in battle! All her animations in the game are her shredding things with it and doing the classic dracula rise-from-the-grave when she’s knocked out, and just... ITS REALLY BADASS!! I didnt know how cool a fight with her could be, cos she just got that stupid ass fanservice joke slap fight in the anime... ANYWAY Ladydevimon is good I appreciate her I like her even though she’s in the general genre of fanservice digimon that I dislike. She’s like the one single one I dont hate! (Tho I still wish we had more than like.. two un-fanservice female digimon in the entire damn series) Buuuut I dont think her design quite fits Hershey even though she’s the digivolution I keep using ingame. Maybe if I can find a different Mega that I prefer, and make up a fanmade digivolution line? or I could do a fanart variation of the digimon...

* ANYWAY I kinda ended up headcanoning Hershey as a former member of the broken apart pirate crew in Mod Cape. Cos like.. what if your digimon had backstories of what their life was like before they met you! like Gatomon in Adventure, they were chosen to be partners to a destined hero but had to wait so long they’d become disillusioned. Cos when you meet em at the start of the game they’re mega level and only get poofed back into eggs cos of machinedramon’s attack. WHAT LIFE DID YOU LEAD WITHOUT ME. I AM HERE TO PROTECT YOU NOW AAAAAAA!! So yeah it would be cool to headcanon Hershey as a former highway bandit type character who has trouble adjusting to living in a city surrounded by happy innocent people and hugs. I dont see her as grumpy tho.. like, she’s kind of a bombastic trickster archetype but she’s still super cynical and ‘I only care about myself, anything else gets you hurt’. I was thinking maybe if I designed a fanmade mega for her she could be like a magician pirate zombie demon??? Like.. yknow piedmon is a deck of cards clown guy with those four daggers? i actually got Piedmon as her digivolution when she was a Ladydevimon and I was thinking MAN it could be so cool if we had like a zany zombie digimon who attacks by stabbing a sword through her own back! Like ‘watch me saw a woman in half’ XD A design where she has a load of weapons stuck in her and uses them to fight with! like how mummymon is a mummy + soldier in a leg brace design, hypothetical zombiemon could be a zombie + actual tragic assassination victim. Plus a magician. Or a clown. And ladydevimon. And a pirate. LOOK I JUST HAVE A LOT OF MUTUALLY CONTRADICTORY HEADCANONS OKAY xD

* I don’t really have as much development ideas for Zephyr yet, aside from that they’re Hershey’s more cheerful and positive sibling. But I see them as also being kinda creepy and battle-hungry and stuff? Like.. both these twins are total virus types, clown type, typical final villain type of acrobatic doom! And both are good guys deep down. But Zephyr is a more cinnamon roll type of good and Hershey is grumpy unwillingly dragged into goodness. And like.. Zephyr is a bit dotty and only accidentally creepy, not really understanding how to socialize properly. And probably they would be like ‘NO BIG SISTER, STEALING IS BAD’ *currently stabbing a guy* I think maybe my headcanon for Zeph might be that they were for some reason left completely alone while waiting for the protagonist? Hershey at least found some companionship with the pirates, even if she became super bitter after the team broke up. I think Zeph maybe started off as a wild forest mon that’d even forgotten how to speak, until by pure chance they bumped into their long lost twin sister and then met the protagonist. So like an innocent angel who’s all new to the city and excited about everything, but also kinda fighty and dangerous because of the same stuff that makes them innocent. I dunno, I might make them an angewomon or ophanimon to match with Hershey? Tho I wanted to make them both good guy virus types, it could be an equally interesting contrast to have a vicious battle-obsessed angel who’s the absolute opposite of softspoken fancyness! And I also kinda associate them with the colour green even though I ended up picking a grey themed digivolution for Hershey instead. But all of Terriermon’s natural digivolutions are all machiney and don’t suit this personality as much... I dunno, maybe I could make up another headcanon/variant type thing? Cos after all lopmon’s line gets two champion level forms and two megas but terriermon only has two recolours for the same ultimate level. Maybe even it out, lol! Or like, I’m thinking like.. what if Terriermon had a mega that suited Henry more? i was reading someone’s review where they said it was weird that pacifistic Henry got a giant robot specializing in attack while Rika got the humanoid pacifist digimon. And yeah, that IS totally weird! And it got me imagining what if Terriermon got a humanoid digivolution that was like a martial artist?? or maybe like a speedy superhero lookin armour thing! Like just a more humanoid rapidmon! or I dunno maybe if puppetmon is in this game then zephyr could be puppetmon. I miss puppetmon. puppetmon never got to be in ANY games except dusk and dawn! I WANNA SEE A 3D PUPPETMON YO!!

* Man I just spent this entire post rambling my headcanons for silent protagonist characters instead of actually talking about the game... aaaa...

[rnm-magic-space-xsd]

[luvvly-imouto-sherry]

[rnm-magic-space-xsd]

[rnm-magic-space-xsd]

Credits : ohaisandy (Instagram)