#Bucky fought hydra every single day for 70 years

[melles1276]

💔

Reminder that the Winter Soldier only operated for 50 years of the over 70 years Bucky was captive.

It took over 20 years for them to break Bucky down enough to use him, and even then, not only did he need to be convinced what he was doing was good, but he constantly needed to be wiped to be kept complacent.

It only took seeing Steve and hearing 'I'm with you to the end of the line' to bring that all crashing down.

[holy-stevie]

Next to you

Summary: Steve Rogers is your best friend. You had been by his side through everything, but what happens when he gets an oppurtunity to go back to the love of his life? 

Warnings: angst, Steve Rogers is an asshole. 

a/n: Just a little steve drabble i’ve had in mind for a while now 

Please do not post my work on any other sites 

You had been next to Steve Rogers side for as long as you could remember. You met him when you were both at the sweet age of sixteen, bumping into each other awkwardly in the art room at your high school. Ever since that encounter the two of you had been best friends, the skinny blonde man with the most endearing blue eyes and strongest will had become your family.

When Steve Rogers got into an alley fight, you were there to pick him up from the ground, to make sure his wounds were treated, and he was home safely. You would step in when the punches got too brutal, when Steve wasn’t able to get back up himself. As much as he would complain at the idea of you stepping into his fights, he couldn’t help the relief he held at the right hooks Bucky had taught you to throw, the move you had learned to complete expertly at this point. You would make a joke about him having them on the rails before pulling him up from the dirty sidewalk and taking him home, making sure he was fed, clean, and dozing off before leaving.

When Steve Rogers was finally accepted into the army, you were by his side. Erskine taking the deal to take you with them, knowing that Peggy Carter wouldn’t mind having another young lady to train on her army base. Steve didn’t like the idea of you going into a dangerous war, but after you gave him the challenging glare you had been giving him for years he just shook it off. You trained together, you slightly excelling under Peggy’s watch as she wanted to make a soldier out of you as an example to the ego fed men surrounding you both.

When Steve Rogers laid in the middle of a lab in Brooklyn about to go through his life changing moment, you were right by his side. You were there giving him a comforting smile and telling him that he could do this, and he did. You stood agape next to him when he was let down from the pod, now a six-foot hunk of muscles and tan skin. You were by his side when Erskine was shot, quickly pulled to stand behind him as two more shots were fired from Peggy before both of you rush to the scientists’ side. You were by his side when he was offered his stage gig as Captain America, unable to follow him on his tour you still stayed by his side through the form of letters you sent every week.

When Steve Rogers arrived at the camp of the 107th you ran into his arms the second you saw him, neither of you caring about the mud and blood on your uniform. You stood by his side when he confronted Phillips and stormed a hydra base to save your mutual best friend Bucky Barnes. You watched from his side as he stared after the beautiful Peggy Carter in the red dress, teasing him about his lack of flirting abilities. You drank bottles and bottles of alcohol from the destroyed bar after Bucky Barnes fell from the side of a cliff in the alps.

When Steve Rogers crashed the Valkyrie into the ice to save the world, you were right next to him. You were right next to him when they found the plane 70 years later, never leaving his side for a second in the crash. You put on a brave face for him when you were told that both of you were in the future, the world as you knew it, gone. You held his hand gently when you were both escorted to your new apartment, everything changed from what you remembered. You rested your cheek against the top of his head as he cried in private over the friends he had lost, over the love that he had lost.

When Steve Rogers and the other avengers faced the battle of New York, you were by his side. Fighting back to back with the new adjustments S.H.I.E.L.D had given you both, fighting the Chitauri together. You were quick to run to his aid when he was shot down past his limit, covering both of you as you held out a hand to help him up from the ground. You slumped next to him when you ate swarma with your teammates in a run-down shop, holding each other up through the exhaustion from the battle caused by the handsome Asgardian.

When Steve Rogers was on the run from S.H.I.E.L.D aka Hydra, you were running along with him. When the deadly assassin hunting both of you was revealed to be Bucky Barnes, you fought next to Steve to get your friend back. When Bucky aimed the gun at Steve you were the one to take the two shots, giving Steve the opportunity to change the chip. You were by his side on the riverbank after Bucky had pulled you both out, barely breathing but alive. When you awoke in a hospital bed, he was by your side quietly singing along with your new friend Sam Wilson.

When Steve Rogers was in a trance from the daydream the witch had put him in, you were there by his side, holding his hand reassuringly. Patiently waiting for him to come out of the trance, whether that be in a breakdown or a sudden surge of leadership with the team. You stood by his side as your team fought a team of feral robots, both of you jumping from the robot made asteroid with seconds before it dropped.

When Steve Rogers didn’t sign the accords you obediently stood by his side, arguing with the people you were starting to consider family. You helped him fight through a German police force to save Bucky, ending you both locked in the headquarters as Tony pleaded with you to sign the document. You stood next to him to fight against your team for the sake of your childhood best friend Bucky Barnes. You helped each other up off the ground after the power from Tony’s suit was cut, not saying a word as he drops the shield that Howard Stark had made for him.

When Steve Rogers stood in the outskirts of the legendary city Wakanda, you were right next to him as you always had been. You fought the hardest you ever had on that day, not stopping for even a minute to let the aliens surrounding you get the advantage over you. You faced the Titan together, getting knocked down together. You stood by his side while you both watched Bucky Barnes disappear.

When Steve Rogers lost all hope in himself, you were there by his side on the bedroom floor, holding him as he broke. You sat on the cold floor patiently for hours as he cried, what seemed like endless tears. You went to every support group with him and made sure he was fed, clean and asleep before taking care of yourself. You were there the countless nights he woke up screaming for his friends, his family.

When Steve Rogers and the remaining Avengers planned the time heist, you were by his side, watching the natural leader in him and Tony take over. When he stood a few feet from the love of his life you were standing by his side, lips pressed together as you watched the longing flash across his face. When he laid defeated on the ground you were by his side pulling him to his feet, “We’re soldiers Rogers, we die on our feet.” You were by his side as you both mourned the loss of Tony Stark.

Now you sit next to him, but you are not by his side. You sit with your hands clasped together, not daring to meet his eyes as you fight the tears from escaping your eyes. He was leaving, leaving Bucky and Sam, leaving you. You should have put the dots together when he was standing at the damn window, she was his everything.

“But what about us? Do we not matter anymore Steve?” You ask, you know your question wasn’t fair. He had been fighting his whole life and he wanted to settle down, have a family. With his true love, Peggy Carter. He stands, pacing in front of you as he scoffs.

“Of course you matter, but I finally have the chance to be with her. I can have everything I ever wanted, I can finally settle down and have my own family.” He says, your eyes flicker up to his in disbelief. The Steve Rogers in front of you is not one that you recognise, not the one you had spent your whole life protecting.

“And I’m supposed to do what? Forget you exist? Forget that you’re my best friend?” You ask, the tears no longer kept at bay as they flow freely down your cheeks. Steve swallows before turning away from your gaze, not man enough to meet your eyes as he says the next thing.

“Peggy is all that matters to me y/n. No one is as important to me as she is, not even you.” You blink numbly as your eyes meet the ground, unable to believe the words coming from his mouth. All these years of friendship for nothing? All the times you had laughed together over a stupid dad joke Sam would tell you, all the times you would cover each other’s backs in battle or stop to make sure the other was okay. All the times you held him as he broke down from the pressure being put on his shoulders.  

You don’t say anything more to him as you stand, ready to leave the room and scream. Your eyes meet his, yours filled with tears and rage, a hollow feeling passing through them as you look at the man that you had sacrificed everything for. He doesn’t look regretful in the slightest, his blue eyes just holding the determination that you had admired since you were sixteen.

That exact look is planted behind your own eyes as you watch Sam Wilson approach the bench with a now elderly Steve Rogers occupying it. Your own eyes are hollow and dead as you stare at the pair, the space beside you, although occupied by Bucky, was haunting you. You press your lips together tightly as you turn, not giving a single second of hesitation as you storm to your car. Driving recklessly, you arrive at your apartment in Brooklyn in record time, slamming the door shut behind you.

There’s an eerie silence before you explode, throwing picture frames, tearing old photos and new ones. Ripping apart clothes and over turning the bed. After hours of rage you sit in the centre of the destroyed apartment, listening to someone knock on the front door numbly. Bucky Barnes approaches you slowly, being careful to not hurt himself on the sharp objects and he gathers your broken form in his arms.

When Steve Rogers leaves his best friend behind with no care, she breaks down in Bucky Barnes arms. Crying and gasping for air for hours, clutching his shirt willing him not to leave her. Because Steve Rogers was no longer next to her, and he never will be again.  

taglist: @scarletsoldierrr​

[sophielovesbarnes]

Longing

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst and a bit of smut

Request: Hiya 😊 I'd love to request something with Bucky please! When they held him captive at Hydra he saw another prisoner (the reader) but he was still in the WS mindset, like not really caring. But once he escaped he started to remember her and he goes back to save her because he felt somethingforher? If that makes any sense lol thank you so much in advance ❤

Author note: Hey! I’m so sorry this took so long, but here it is, i hope you enjoy it,let me know what you think.

Requests are open. 

It’s the fifth night in a row he gets woken up by the same nightmare. He is back in Hydra. He’s on the chair, and his nightmare is filled with screams. The thing is that the screams he listens to are not his, they are someone else’s. He recognizes the screams; he knows he has heard them before, every time he replays them in his mind the memory of y/e/c eyes and soft y/s/c skin floods his mind.

Suddenly he finds himself longing for someone he barely remembers, and it steals all his concentration, he can’t focus, he can’t eat, or sleep, or aim, and it is driving him crazy.

How can he feel something so intense for someone he doesn’t know? 

He goes to the kitchen because he knows for a fact that he won’t be able to get any more sleep, so he drinks, because he hopes that vodka will numb the way he feels his chest rips apart, leaving a bleeding hole behind.

He has to find her; she has got to be real.

“I’m starting to believe you don’t sleep man.” Sam takes the bottle from his hands and stares at him. “Isn’t it a bit early to drink?”

Bucky snatches the bottle back from his hands and gives him a death glare.

“Piss off, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

“We could ask you the same thing.” Steve adds.

He hesitates but after a few moments he gets to the decision that speaking about it may make things better.

“Can’t sleep.” Steve sits next to him and looks at him with attention. “I keep having the same nightmare, I’m with Hydra and I hear a girl scream, they are torturing her and I can’t do anything about it, and I want to do something, I really do, but I can’t.”

“I just keep thinking about her...” He takes a sip straight from the bottle and then continues. “What if she is real? What if she is not a product of my mind?”

“I hear you man, but we have wiped out every single Hydra facility, there was no girl.” 

“Yeah, I know.” He puts the bottle down, and he rubs his face. “It’s just, she feels so real.”

“Then let’s look for her, maybe she escaped, I mean, you made it out, maybe she did as well.” Steve adds.

“How do we find her?” 

“Same way we found you, we look into their files, we ask around, we find a trail and find her, what do you know about her? Name, age, anything?”

“No, I don’t remember anything, I remember her face, her eyes, but no name.”

“We’ll find a way, Buck, we will.” 

***

Your name comes to his mind one night, and it hits him the same way that waves hit rocks in the open ocean, it drains all the air from his lungs and leaves him heaving desperately trying to recover himself from it.

Y/N Y/L/N.

It echoes in his mind, over and over, the gale of emotions hitting him over and over again mercilessly.

Y/N Y/L/N. 

Y/N Y/L/N.

He remembers your name, he remembers everything, he remembers how fiercely you fought every day, how you never gave up, he remembers your y/e/c eyes filled with fear every time they dragged you to the chair, he remembers how you looked at him, begging for help, he remembers how he did nothing and just stood there watching them torture you. 

He remembers everything, and he has got to find you.

He will find you. 

****

The hardest thing of being a runaway is not being able to have a home, the idea of having strings and a place to call home felt unreachable, every day you are haunted with the memory of soft blue eyes, torturing chairs and echoing screams.

You are filled with rage; they stole your home, your childhood, your innocence; Hydra took everything from you, and you were going to make them pay.

You are a mutant, with the ability to heal any wound and learn everything about any person with just touching them, that’s why they took you when you were only ten.

For years Hydra used your gifts to get information from their enemies and heal the Winter Soldier after his missions.

He was the one who took you away from your home; the Winter Soldier, but your hate has never been directed towards him, you knew his story, you knew they took as much from him as they took from you. 

For some reason you always felt attracted to him, like a magnetic force was calling you, as the years passed your attraction did nothing but grow; until he disappeared after the Triskelion incident, leaving you alone and heartbroken.  

And you stayed there, until the base where you were being held captive was attacked, giving you the chance of escaping, while everyone; including the Maximoff twins, were too busy defending the base you were able to take down the few guards that stayed behind and finally find your freedom. 

It was easy to find your way out of Sokovia, and after that you never stopped running, not even when the Earth was attacked by aliens again, not even when half of the world was turned to dust. 

But then one day people started to come back, families were reunited and the earth seemed to go back to normal, which meant that the last bits of Hydra that were scattered around the world were back as well. 

So you went back to running, changing looks, country and identity every couple months, that seemed to become a routine until one day you saw him on TV, the White Wolf, the companion of the new Captain America, Sam Wilson.

It was him.

The Winter Soldier. 

So he made it out, he is free now, and the fact that he was willing to show himself on open TV meant one thing and one thing only, every single last bit of Hydra was taken down and he had broken down their programming, gaining himself back.

You grabbed your backpack and filled it with the few things you had, getting ready to leave yet another city, you throw the bag over your shoulders and leave the tiny apartment with a mission on your mind.

You had to find James Buchanan Barnes.

***

Since he remembered your name he hasn’t been able to take you out of his mind; out of the sudden he finds himself drowning in your memory, kind eyes, soft skin and plump lips, one day it hits him.

He is in love with you.

He is desperately and irrevocably in love with a woman he barely remembers; he is in love with a ghost and he is willing to do anything to find you.

All they have been able to find is a file, left behind on a Hydra base, there isn’t much, just a log of your reaction to the chair and a picture of you, that he cherishes as his most valuable possession. Every single system Stark owns is now programmed to locate you, Stark created an algorithm (whatever that is) that is supposed to catch any move you make. 

When that happened he would get alerted of your location and finally he would be able to find you.

He was scared of course. 

After all, he was the one who kidnapped you, he stood there watching them torture you, he abandoned Hydra without ever doing anything to rescue you.

So with all of that, what if you hated him? 

Of course you would be entitled to do so, but he knew he wouldn’t stand the hate in your eyes; so he makes a decision, when they find you he won’t do anything to approach you, he just wants to know that you are alive, safe and sound, that will be enough.

“You know that staring at the screen won’t make it work faster, right?” His train of thought is interrupted by the voice of his best friend, he gives a huff in response without taking his eyes away from the monitor. “When was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know, Tuesday?” He answers absentmindedly.

“Buck, it’s Friday, you have got to stop, this isn’t healthy.”

“I have to find her Steve, I hurt her so bad, and I just need to make sure she's fine.”

“We don’t even know if she is still…”

“If she is still what? Say it Steve.”

“We don’t even know if she is still alive, you were in Hydra for 70 years Bucky, for all we know she could be long gone.” 

“Until the opposite is proven, she is alive, I know she is, I can feel it.”

“Okay Buck.” Steve says softly. “We’ll keep looking.” 

“Captain Rogers.” Announces a robotic voice that Bucky has learnt to identify as F.R.I.D.A.Y. “Thor, Bruce and the Maximoff twins are back from their mission.”  

“Thank you F.R.I.D.A.Y. any updates on the search?”

“Nothing yet, I will inform you as soon as there is a match.” 

Bucky barely registers the interaction, he is lost in your eyes, they scanned the picture and it is now displayed on real size on the screen, he longs to touch you, to trace your soft cheeks and to join his lips with yours. 

“That’s Y/N.” That single comment snaps him out of his train of thought, he turns around and sees Wanda standing on the door. “Why are you looking for her?” 

“Wait, you know her?” He jumps out of the chair and goes to her. “Wanda?

“Yeah I do, she was kept on the Sokovia base with us, she used to heal us after Hydra’s experiments.” Wanda replies. “She was the only kind person in there.”

“How long ago was that?” 

“I’m not sure, but she was still there when Steve and the rest of the team took down the base.”

“Steve?” He asks, with desperation in his voice. 

“We checked the base Buck, she wasn’t there.” 

“Are you sure, maybe they took her with them?” His heart is racing so fast he feels it might escape his chest. “Maybe she was still there and you didn’t see her?” 

“There was no one there Buck, I promise, but this is good, it gives us a place to start.” 

“We have to go there, there might be a clue or something that can lead us to her.”

“Let’s go then.” 

Fifteen minutes later he is in the Quinjet, together with Sam, Steve, the twins and Natasha. He can barely breath and he is so nervous he feels he might throw up, this is the first real clue they have, and even though he is trying to stay positive his mind can’t help but wander around the worst case scenario. 

You could be dead.

He shoves the thought away and takes a deep breath. 

Soon he will see you. 

***

After a lot of meditation you make a decision you are probably going to regret.

You are going to the Avengers compound.

It’s the first place that comes to your mind, if James is working with Captain America again he has got to be there, or at least a clue of him.

It’s a risk of course, you know for a fact that they have very tight security protocols, especially after Thanos’ attack, number two, they probably relate you as an Hydra agent and it can be troublesome to prove the opposite.

You know that it’s your best shot to find him, even if you are not sure if he wants to see you.

But right now your main concern was getting there, without a passport or any kind of document to prove your identity there was no way you could get out of the country, leaving Sokovia wasn’t hard, you had left during the raid and hotwired a car, you spent the next few years traveling from one place to other, eventually your path lead you to Spain, once you were there it became easy to blend in.

But getting out of Spain was a complete different issue. 

First things first, you had to get documents, you also had to plan your escape in a way that went unnoticed by Hydra or any other organization that had you as a target. With the Sokovia Accords the mere fact of being a mutant became a dangerous situation. 

Getting the documents wouldn’t be so hard, you knew that Rodrigo; a habitual customer of the coffee shop you worked on, who later became one of your only friends; had a money laundry business, and that he was well connected with people that could make excellent forgeries, the tricky part would be getting him to trust you enough to tell you. 

But he was the only person you knew that might have that kind of connection, so you had to take the risk. 

So the next day you go to work determined to talk to him, at ten o’clock in the morning he crosses the door and orders his usual cappuccino and a spanish ham tapa. 

“Okay Y/N, it’s now or never.” You whisper to yourself and put a fake smile on your face. 

“Buenos días Rodrigo.” Good morning Rodrigo. You ask with an almost perfect spanish accent.

“Hola Lidia, ¿como estais?” Good morning Lidia, how are you? Lidia was the name you had chosen as an alias, and it was still hard to get used to it.

“No tan bien, he tenido algunos problemas.”  Not so well, I have a problem.

“Lamento mucho oír eso, sabéis que podes contar conmigo para lo que sea.” I’m sorry to hear that, you know you can count on me for anything. 

“De hecho, eso quería hablar contigo, quería pedirte un favor.” Actually, I wanted to talk about it with you.  You sit on the chair in front of him and sigh.

“Lo que sea.” Anything 

“Necesito salir del país, mi abuela se encuentra muy mal.” I need to get out of the country, my grandma is very sick

“¿Necesitas dinero?” Do you need money?

“No, no es eso.” No, it’s not that.

“¿Entonces?” Then?

“Lo que sucede es que no tengo papeles, ni pasaporte, ni visa, ni nada, todo lo he perdido cuando salí de Sokovia.” The thing is that I have no papers, no passport, or visa, or anything, I lost everything when I left Sokovia. His face hardens and he looks away. “¿Conocéis a alguien que pueda ayudarme?” Do you know anyone who can help me?

“No se que te hace pensar que tengo ese tipo de contactos Lidia.” I don’t know what makes you believe I have that kind of connection Lidia. He says with annoyance.

“Por favor Rodrigo, te lo ruego, te juro que no se lo diré a nadie.” Please Rodrigo, I swear I won’t tell anyone.  You beg, he takes his keys and stands up. “Por favor.” Please

“Busca a Gary Rydell, estará en España por poco tiempo, se hospeda en el Royal Hideaway, si alguien puede ayudarte es él, decidle que vais de mi parte.” Find Gary Rydell, he will be in Spain for a couple days, he is staying at the Royal Hideaway if anyone can help you is him, tell him I sent you.

“Gracias Rodrigo.” Thank you Rodrigo.

“¿Y Lidia?” And Lidia?

“¿Si?” Yes?

“Ni una palabra de esto con nadie.” Not a single word of this to anyone. He takes the last sip of his cappuccino and leaves.

That very same day you are at the hotel he indicated, based on his memories Gary Rydell was a tall white man with the bluest eyes you had ever seen, you recognize him walking by the side of the pool, you decide that a straight approach is your best option, you walk towards him and he smiles. 

“Well hello.”

“Hi.” You smile back and run your fingers through your hair. “You are Gary Rydell.”

“That I am, you seem to know my name but I don’t know yours.”

“Lidia Aguilar.”

“Lidia, can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.” You both go to the bar and order straight scotch for both of you.

“So, Lidia, what can I do for you?.”

“I have a problem, Rodrigo Ballesteros said that you are the right man to help me.”

“Straight to business, I like it, how can I help you?”

 “I need to go to the United States, but I don’t have any paperwork, let’s just say that Lidia is just a couple of years old.”

He takes a sip from his glass and gives you a coy smile.

“What you are asking for can be tricky to get, you need an American passport and ID and those aren’t easy to get.”

“I am ready to pay anything it takes.”

“It would be ten grand.”

“Dollars?”

“Euros baby girl.” He corrects, you knew it would be expensive, but thanks to an Hydra account you had managed to hack, money wouldn’t be an issue. 

“Alright, you got it.”

“But I’m afraid we might need to kill Lidia, it’s easier to get what you want with a name that already exists.” 

“Okay, that’s fine.” 

“Very good Lidia, we have a deal.”

Two weeks later you have assumed a new identity, Gary managed to get one that had your real name, you are now Y/N Talbot, a Californian girl that spent the last few years traveling. You have a one way plane ticket to New York. 

****

The trip to Sokovia ended up being useless, there was no trail of you.

Wanda had managed to find the cage where you were kept in, there was a chair, similar to the one they used on him, the cell was made of three concrete walls and a glass one to keep you monitored. 

Being this close to Hydra made him want to throw up.

The worst part was that he had hit yet another dead end, he was back to square one. 

On the way back to New York, Bucky stays silent, even with Steve’s and Sam’s effort to cheer him up and make him speak. 

When they get to the compound he goes straight to the room where they had all the monitors and a glass board where he had pinned all the clues they had on you and starts to take it all down.

“Buck, what are you doing?” Steve asks with concern.

“This is pointless, we will never find her!” He knocks the board down and it shatters when it touches the floor. 

“You can’t give up.”

“We have been trying to find her for almost six months and we have nothing! We are as close to her as we were at the beginning!”

“Sergeant Barnes.” Says a robotic voice. “There is a match on Y/N Y/L/N.”

“What? Where?” Then an image is displayed on the screen. 

And it’s like he can breathe for the first time in years, you are alive, safe and sound, and more beautiful than he remembered, his memories never did justice to the real you.

He is so excited to see you, that it takes him a while to realize where you are. 

You are on the entrance of the compound. 

****

When you see him a part of you it’s brought back to life, like the final piece of the puzzle finally fell to place. 

He walks slowly towards you, like he is afraid of something. 

You close the distance and look him in the eyes, and then you know it. That you love him and you would do anything for him.

“It’s you.” 

Author note: I hope you guys liked it, let me know if you want a part two 

[buckysrighthanddoll]

Sweater Weather

This is for @holy-captain​ ‘s writing challenge! I’m sorry it took so long to get out, but this is one of my favorite works to date!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Prompt #9: “I’m not going to get that sweater back, am I?”

Word count: 2700

Fall was your favorite time of year. The leaves, the cool breeze, the numerous pies and soups, and Halloween made your heart fond of the season. You loved lighting your candles and putting on large sweaters. You loved getting your favorite drink from the small cafe just down the road from your apartment. Everything about this time of year just seemed magical to you.

Bucky wasn’t too fond of the fall. He thought that the breeze was far too cold, and the weather shifted from sweater weather to heat stroke too many times in one day, and people were much too enthusiastic about the upcoming holidays. He much preferred the sweltering summer if he was being honest with himself.

Bucky likes to think that he met you twice. The first time he met you was when he returned from Wakanda. You were new, but you already made such an impact on many of the team’s lives. Tony thought of you as a little sister and would protect you to no end. Sam loved to joke around with you because your humor was very similar to his. You became Steve’s favorite workout buddy because you actually kept up with his rigorous routine and then sometimes even managed to push him to his limits. Clint taught you how to shoot his bow (“how much different can it be than my gun, really?”) in exchange for you teaching him how to defend against much more nimble opponents such as you and Natasha. And speaking of the red-head, she loved how you were a fair match for her when sparring. She found you just as quick, nimble, and flexible as she was, and you had some moves that she didn’t know. You both taught each other those moves, which made both of you stronger as fighters.

Bucky, you found, was your favorite person to get along with. The two of you were introduced to each other, and that had been that. You might work out together as long as Steve was there, or you might get him a coffee from the kitchen in the morning, but your interactions were limited. He was hard to get through to, and you loved a challenge.

If he was being honest with himself, he was almost intimidated by you. Nobody would understand that, though. You were the sweetest person in the tower. You made an effort with each and every person on the team. And your absolute favorite thing to do would be to get to know each of them, as long as they allowed you to. You had your fair share of trauma and turmoil that you would rather not talk about, so you understood what it was to not want to spill your life story to the new girl on the team. Bucky was so intimidated by your niceness and understanding, and he guessed it was because he didn’t really know anybody who was quite like you. Sugar and sunshine in a tight suit and hair slicked back. A walking lollipop in leather, Bucky would tell Steve.

You both loved to watch each other in action. It was the only way you both could take in observations about the other person while being subtle. He became attracted to the way you could break a man’s neck between your thighs, and you found it hot when he got up close and personal to his enemy with his favorite knife. Both of you fought differently, yet so similar. He avoided personal contact at all costs, but it was your first choice. You adored the adrenaline rush of personally delivering justice. But both of you had style and technique, and you each thought seven steps ahead. You were both articulate and concise in your kill (you hadn’t noticed until Steve brought it up-- “you fight like Bucky does, (Y/L/N)”).

Bucky met you the second time when he had a nightmare when he still lived in the tower. You were staying the night because you and Steve had watched a couple of movies after training, so Tony insisted that you take one of the spare rooms for the night.

You were in a similar boat. Your PTSD often made it hard for you to fall asleep and stay asleep, so you grabbed a small snack from the kitchen and sat at the bar. Bucky was screaming, loudly. So you sprinted to the source of the noise and found him thrashing around in his sleep, tears and sweat covering his face. You thought quickly and went to the bed, grabbing his leg and shaking it. You knew that when this happened to you, anybody who grabbed your arms or shoulders were definitely getting choked or pinned against the wall.

Bucky sat up in his bed, rough and short breaths racking his body. He took you in, a blush forming on his cheeks. “I get them, too,” You told him. You knew that he was embarrassed from being seen in such a vulnerable state. “I think the nightmares are worse than the actual torture,” You added on.

“You were tortured?” He asked. This was one of those subjects that you wouldn’t dream of telling Natasha or Clint or Sam, and Tony only got a glimpse of the information from your files from being recruited--basically along the lines of “abused growing up, captured by some HYDRA wannabes when they saw how you out-performed every single person in your unit when you were in the army”.

You sighed as you stood up and went to his bathroom and got a cold washcloth, coming back out and wiping at his forehead. “Yeah,” You answered. You didn’t particularly know how to talk about it, and you most certainly didn’t want to trigger him in any way, so you spat out the only thing you can think of. “It wasn’t no 70 years, but it was almost twenty. I kept all of the memories, which is shitty. They weren’t exactly advanced,” You laughed. Bucky knew that laugh. It was a hollow and empty shell of a laugh that he used when he was trying to make something sound like it didn’t have an effect on him. You were trying to play strong, and he could tell.

“You wanna go out to the kitchen? I could use some water,” Bucky asked you. You said yes and took the washcloth off of him. He took it from your hands and tossed it in the general direction of his laundry basket before standing up and walking with you.

You let Bucky talk about as much of his trauma as he wanted to tell you about. This was the most he had ever spoken to you--to anybody. He told you things that Steve didn’t even know. It occurred like that for a couple of months. You’d stay a few nights a month in the compound, listen to him rant, and pass on opportunities to talk about your past. You just weren’t comfortable with telling him yet.

A few dates later, Bucky had asked you to be his girl. The whole team helped him set up a magical date for the two of you, and they wanted this to happen for a little while now. Since they saw how well the two of you got along. Since they saw how much more you smiled and he talked to the others. You were both good for each other and the team noticed.

It only took a couple of months before you offered to have Bucky move in with you. He gladly accepted and moved in fully within a week.

You noticed how he loved to cook you breakfast, and he noticed how you loved to sing while you cleaned the house early in the morning. Of course, not as early as he awoke, but it was pretty close.

One particular night, you two stayed up extra late. This time, it was you having the nightmares, and Bucky woke you up to tell you that you had been sobbing heavily in your sleep. You sat up and told him some of what happened to you.

“I was abused growing up,” You sighed. “I was weak when I was little. The tiniest girl in my school, even though I was older than most of them. So not only was it at home, but it was at school, too. So I started working out in middle school. A lot. I got more fit than every girl in the school, and nobody touched me. I couldn’t do shit about my home life at that point, but at school, I was untouchable. It was rare to see a girl who was a 4.0 student and was a receiver on the football team,” You laughed. “So a lot of colleges wanted me. I got offers for partial rides, full rides, and a shit ton of scholarships from high school. I denied every single one and I went into the army.”

“I could not see you being a soldier,” Bucky smiled. “You’re like a walking lollipop. All sweaters and smiles, doll,” He added on. You playfully glared at him, smiling afterward and continuing with your story.

“I got deployed when I was nineteen. 1st Batallion--I was a sniper. So I was stationed in Iraq, and I was captured in 1995. It was a small group of ex-hydra workers who wanted their own operation, and I was one of five captured.” Bucky could tell that you were starting to get uncomfortable when your voice strained at the end of your sentence. “ They somehow got my files and saw videos of me training back in the states, and they thought I was the perfect candidate to receive their version of the serum. The other four didn’t make it. I barely did. And on top of that, the serum didn’t work. None of them did. I’m only strong because they forced me to weight train. I still didn’t look quite right because they didn’t feed me properly or have proper gym equipment, so I was disproportioned. They hated me and thought it was my fault that the serum wasn’t working, even though they didn’t work on anybody else that they captured. I was the only person who lived through every single version of the serum. And between it, they put all of us against each other, made us fight and torture each other. Exhaust us. Torture us more. Push us more. Put us away like dogs. Got us back out the next day.”

“I’m sorry, doll,” Bucky said, his eyebrows furrowed.

“Government rescued me in the fall of 2012. They were shocked that they found me. I was part of a ghost story that troops told to make sure that they were aware of their surroundings. At that time, there were two other young soldiers with me. A man and a woman, no more than twenty. Both died on the way back to the United States.” You readjusted yourself as you tried to meet Bucky’s gaze. “I went through a shit ton of therapy. Digging up repressed memories to try to find out who all was with me, repressing other memories if they could--it didn’t work. I still see a therapist, and I’m sure you noticed that, but it’s much better than it was four years ago.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly against him. You welcomed the warm embrace that signified safety to you, and you closed your eyes. You were proud of yourself for getting through the story without shedding tears. You hoped that your therapist would be, too.

“You’re so strong, (Y/N),” Bucky said into your hair. “And I’m very glad and thankful that you told me all of that. You’re never going back to that hell-hole, okay? Not only do you have me on your side, but you have the team, too. We’re going to protect you.”

“I love you, Buck,” you said, looking up at him. You gave him a soft kiss before laying back on the bed, inviting him to do the same. You both fell asleep rather quickly, and you felt much more secure with your boyfriend.

In the morning, you rolled over to find Bucky’s side of the bed empty, as you expected. You shivered at the fall’s cold morning, stepping over some discarded clothes from yesterday. You saw Bucky’s oversized black sweater, and it was calling your name. Bucky looked so handsome in it, and it looked so comfy and warm and oh-so-perfect for a fall morning like this one. So you threw it on, falling in love with it instantly. It was a nice, traditional sweater that Bucky had worn for team dinner yesterday. Yours was tossed not too far from his, the dull orange peeking out from underneath a pair of black leggings.

You decided to clean up the laundry first, taking off your sleep shorts and tossing them in the basket as well so that you were left in nothing but your thong--a knife tucked into it-- and Bucky’s sweater.

Gathering all of the dirty clothes from the apartment, you placed the overfilled basket on your hip as you padded across the wooden floor and to the laundry room to get a load started. As you approached the kitchen (which was on the way to the laundry room), you could hear the breakfast that Bucky was making. You saw an oatmeal container in Bucky’s hands as you passed wordlessly and then heard the same can after you disappeared behind the wall. You dropped the laundry basket and gripped your knife in fear as you ran toward the kitchen, stopping just to see Bucky gawking at you.

You lowered the knife and tucked it back into your underwear as you heaved a sigh of relief. “Are you okay, baby?” You asked as you stepped into the kitchen. Thankfully none of the oats spilled onto the floor, which meant you’d have to clean that much less.

“I--uh, yeah, I--it’s just--is that my sweater?” He stammered, making you blush. You tucked some of your hair behind your ear as you looked up at him sweetly, nodding your head. “Is that just my sweater?” He asked. You nodded your head again at him, smiling. “Come here, sweetheart,” Bucky smiled, holding his arms open. You smiled even wider and jumped into his arms as he picked you up, placing you on the counter as he peppered you in kisses. You giggled profusely--a sound Bucky could never grow tired of. “You look amazing in it, doll,” He said as he pulled away from you.

You blushed as you wrapped your arms around yourself, showing him just how cozy you were in it. “Thank you,” You said.

“I’m not going to get that sweater back, am I?” He asked you as you placed your arms on top of his shoulders.

You laughed and shook your head. “Not a chance, Tin Man,” You said, poking his nose with your finger. He narrowed his eyes at you, and you squeaked knowingly. You hopped off of the counter and to the opposite side of Bucky.

“Fucking Sam…” Bucky muttered.

“Actually, it was Tony,” You corrected. His eyes widened as he began to chase you around the apartment, completely forgetting about the breakfast just like you suddenly forgot about the chores. The chase ended with him tickling you profusely, which led to making out, which led to more laundry being tossed to the side (“James, I just cleaned up the clothes!”).

Bucky hated fall. It was far too cold, and then there were these damned team dinners that Bucky wasn’t a fan of, and don’t even get him started on the first signs of winter just around the corner. No, Bucky didn’t like the fall in the past. Now, falls would be filled with tickle fights and countless mornings of you in just that sweater of his. Now, falls would have unending smiles from you and someone to keep him warm at night. And, maybe falls would have memories of your engagement--Bucky was already starting to look for rings and perfect plans to ask you.

Yeah, Bucky thinks that he could get used to fall.

[au-stories202]

Marvel AU

Garou as Bucky Barnes and Badd as Captain America [Prologue: When I Lost You]

For: Temperance-sama @the-goddessfighter

How many attempts was this now for Badd? 7 maybe? But he just had to fight in the war! His parents were both in the previous one before his father lost his life and his mother died of tuberculosis several years later. Being rejected yet again due to his on going health issues made him frustrated. As the current doctor declared him 4F yet again. He sighed in frustration as he left to watch a movie to get his mind off of things.

During the commercial of the film he heard a bratty voice yell to start the cartoon. He silently as the guy to be respectful to which his plea was ignored and the guy yelled again. To which he yelled at him to shut up. The guy turned around who was much bigger than Badd at the time. They took it outside as the bully proceeded to beat the hell out of Badd just cause he told him to shut up. Trying he best he grabbed a trashcan lid as a shield to which the bully shoved out of the was before hitting him again.

"I can do this all day." Badd patted out at the bully. He was hit again knocked to the ground before he land a single one.

"Hey why don't you pick on someone your own size?" A voice cried as the bully was punched in the face and fought off by Badd's white haired savior.

He punched the bully several times before kicking him in the behind as he ran off. He looked over at Badd with a shake of his head. "Sometimes I think you like getting punched." As bad whipped of the blood. "I had him on the ropes." They two proceeded to argue a bit about the fact that he had tried to enlist again before Badd asked if the other guy had gotten his orders to which he responded. "Sargent Garou, being shipped out to London tomorrow morning."

So as a going away "party" he was taking Badd and two girls for the two of them to see the Future Expo. They went there as the girls waved them down. Badd had always known Garou to be a flirt since they were kids. The only reason why he never danced with a girl outside of his looks was cause he secretly didn't want to. He wanted to dance with someone else but how do you being that up?

The expo was filled with many things as the announcer for the Stark Industries at the time was speaking. Garou was amazed by what he was watching while Badd was just board. He looked around finding another enlistment place. He walked over to it. Garou had followed him after noticing he was gone. They argued about for some time. Before settling on the fact that there was no changing Badd's mind.

"Don't do anything stupid till I get back." Garou told him.

"How can I? When you're taking all the stupid with you." Badd retorted.

They both called each other names as Garou went off dancing with the two girl while Badd tried this again not knowing he had been watched this whole time. When he went in this time he thought he had been caught because of how many times he had tried to do this. All because he wanted to be with his best friend. However this was not the case as an elderly man walked in.

He asked about why he wanted to do this and Badd just told him that he didn't like bullies he didn't care where they were from. To which the man had said he would give him a chance in the S.S.R. he took it as he was accepted into it. The next morning he was sent to a trading camp as they learned that they would become America's super soldiers.

Badd did everything he was supposed to do even impressing Tatsumaki who was the trainer at the time. You didn't want to mess with he due to not only her psychic ability, but she was a rough individual as well. After all the training Sitch had picked Badd as he was the better candidate out of the others.

Once training was complete Badd would being the procedure the next morning. He would be traveling with Tatsumaki to place. Once there the process began as he met the owner of Stark Industries. They began the process as it took only a few minutes tops. He was given super soldier serum and was improved. His already "Fighting Spirit" he had before was on a whole other level due to the serum.

But that happiness didn't last for long as someone from the opposing side shot and killed Sitch so that he wouldn't reproduce the serum. To which Badd responded by going after him only to find out once he had caught up to him that he was from Hydra. He knew he had to go to war to stop them to complete what Sitch had started.

That however didn't happen at first. He was a show pony for a while and hated it. Once he was on the battlefield performing for what remained of the 107th division as he was told by Tatsumaki, he had to know if Garou was there. When he found out he had been captured and most like thought to be dead he didn't agree to stay behind and hand Tatsumaki get him to the area where Garou and his men were taken to.

One they had flown over he landed proceeding to brake into the base on his own. He released all the other prisoners but that wasn't going to stop him from finding Garou. The facility was set to explode as he looked for him. Once he found him he was horrified and glad to see him. He wasn't sure what they had done to Garou, but hell they were both glad to see one another.

They both tried to get out of the now exploding facility before facing him. Badd wanted to bash the guy's face in for what they had done to poor Garou and they fought only for the mask to be removed to be who she was. This as the leader of Hydra at the time. Badd was angry with a burning passion as he watched her leave. Not really asking her name in all this. He had to get Garou out of here. Once he was across the beam that had supported him fell.

"Just go! Get out of here!" Badd yelled at him.

"NO! Not without you!" Garou yelled back.

Badd had always known Garou to be stubborn even from their younger years. He knew he wouldn't want to leave without him. Once they returned to their base they decided to find each of Hydra's bases and left them to blow up. Garou was going with him in this team since they had always been together.

And so, the Howling Commandos proceeded to destroy every single Hydra base pissing off Psykos. She was angry at all this her hard work was being destroyed. She told her subordinate that he had one more chance to stop them. To which all of Hydra's supplies were on a train.

Garou and Badd were on the train to stop them as a fight broke out. During the chaos the side of the train was blown open as he picked up one of Badd's weapons a shield, to block the impact of being shot at. However the impact pushed him so far back that he was stuck holding onto the railing for dear life.

Badd tried his best grab ahold of his hand to save Garou, but the railing broke before he could as he watch the person he loved... with all his heart fall hundreds of feet below. It was at this point Badd lost all sense of reason. He wanted nothing more than to destroy Hydra for taking away the thing he had held so dear to him.

He went with whomever was left to destroy Psykos' work. Only to find she was leaving on a plan that had nukes to destroy America's major cities. They fought for several minutes before Psykos touched the cosmic cube or Tesseract as it was called being banished into space because of it.

Badd took control of the plane having said his goodbye to his friends. He cashed it into the ice hoping that in death he would see Garou again. But, that was not meant to be...

About 70 years later after being in suspended animation, he woke up to an entirely new world. He was alone as he was approached by Atomic Samurai he told him he had been asleep for that long. He looked around as he fled his sorrow only grow. This was not what he wanted and now he would be forced to live in a world without the people he cared about.

Disclaimer: The start of these events are more based on the MCU. The next chapter which is the main story will have a mix between OPM and MCU. This is a work of fiction and please do not hate on me for it. It was for fun and the enjoyment of those who would like to read it.

[turdblossommm]

‘Till the End of the Line {5}

Summary: When Bucky married the love of his life he never thought when he’d spend another day without her, then he got his orders. Bucky didn’t know he was not only leaving his wife and Steve behind, but also his son. Flash forward to Steve breaking out of ice and lost in the new world, will he find somewhere he’s belongs? Or someone?

Pairing: Steve x barnes!reader

A/N: AANNNnndd this is the last part! Thanks for reading:)

part four // masterlist

After five grueling days in court with everyone from Shuri to horrible files found in Hydra base the described what had been done to Bucky. He was cleared of all charges and assigned to count mandated therapy and had to sign the Accords with everyone else.

Tony of course had to throw a party in celebration of the Avengers getting back together and the addition of another member. You loved having everyone back together and their families all gather together. You scolded Jimmy as he ran around with Clint’s children and Cassie.

“You should have see her” Natasha laughed “She slammed him to the ground Captain America style”

“She did, shit was scary” Tony added and your cheeks turned red as Steve wrapped his arm around you shoulder

“She’s my body guard” He joked

“Is she stronger than you?” Tony asked

“No” Steve shook his head and you smiled at him

“We don’t know” Thor swiped his arm across the table and knocked every single glass onto the ground

“We will arm wrestle Lady Y/N” He roared and you walked over to the table with Steve behind you

“This is so much better than trying to see who can lift the hammer” Rhodey looked over Tony’s shoulder while smirked at Steve and placed your hand behind your back

“I’ll go easy on you” Steve smiled

“I won’t” Steve smiled dropped

“Get him sweat heart” Bucky cheer and Steve looked at him 

“Come on” Bucky shrugged

“She’s family and I really want to see her win”

“Alright 3, 2, 1” You gripped Steve’s hand as you fought to win, you could Steve holding back so you pushed hard and you could see the panic in his eyes as he pushed back. You held it for a minute before slamming his hand on the table causing an uproar from the whole team

“Holy shit” Steve stood up

“Language Steve” You smiled as he groaned

“They told you about that?” You nodded

“I challenge Lady Y/N” Thor looked down at you

“You got this baby” Steve rubbed your shoulders and cheered for you when you slammed the God of Thunder’s hand through the glass table. Bucky smiled as he watched Steve wrap his arms around your was it and kiss your cheek

“Baby Barnes’s got muscles” Clint shook his head “Didn’t see that coming”

“Neither did I” Bucky chuckled as you walked over to him

“Hey be ready at 8 were seeing the girls tomorrow” You smiled as you scooped a sleeping James off the couch. Bucky was ecstatic and nervous at the same time. How would they react to him/ What does he wear?

At 7:56 he was down at the front door of the compound, taping his leg as he waited for you and Steve to pull up. You smiled as you drove up the gravel to see Bucky waiting, he wore plain jeans and a long leave henley with a glove on his left hand. You frowned knowing the girls won’t care. It was just a short drive to the house from the compound

“Let me go in first and explain everything” You look at him as he stood outside the door as had Steve when he first saw them

“Y/N child where have you been?” Bucky heard her voice and he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down his cheeks. Steve placed his hand on his shoulder

“It’s okay, I cried like a baby when I first saw them”

“Grandma do you remember telling me grandpa was lost and waiting to be found”

“Of course I do child, why?” You couldn’t stop the tears

“We found him, Steve and I” You glanced between the four women “I‘m sorry it took so long, let me go get him” You quickly walked to the door and pulled it open 

“Come on, they’re so excited” Bucky walked into the room and almost lost all his composer as he saw his sisters before seeing his life and the love of his life. He could’t breath for a second

“You’re finally home” Olive smiled

“Sorry it took so long doll” She reached for him and he caught her hand with his flesh one. She place the other hand on his cheeks

“The years haven’t been kind to you” Bucky shook his head. You watched as he slowly took his turn with everyone, Steve watched the whole scene that should’ve happened 70 years ago. he didn’t want to wish this was 70 years ago because he never would’ve met you.

Steve always thought Peggy was the love of his life, but it took 70 years in ice to change his mind. He never thought that he’d ever date, let alone love Bucky’s granddaughter or father his second great-grandchild. You had told him a week ago and he insist on marrying on the spot but you had said 

“We’ve been together years without being married, having a child isn’t going to change that. I don’t need a certificate and dress to love you” So Steve has made it a habit to ask her to marry him everyday until she says yes.

“Thank you” Bucky looked up to you with watery eyes, this was everything he needed.

“Always Buck, were family” You glance up at Steve with a smile 

“Whether you like it or not punk”

“Until the end of the line right?” Bucky smiled and you gasped

“That’s where that came from” You looked at your grandma “I thought you were being endearing but these jackasses say it to each other”

“Ladies don’t speak like that sweetheart”

“My life is a lie” You buried you face in Steve’s chest

“I love you” You murmured into his chest

“Love you too” He kissed the top of your head

THE END

[marvel-lucy]

The Fall, chapter 20 - THE END!

Yes, you read that right, I’ve only gone and flipping finished this fic! Fluff ahoy!

I’m not saying it’s any good, ‘cos it isn’t, but it’s complete, and that fills me with satisfaction anyway!

Complete story Masterlist is here

Steve just sat there. She couldn’t read his face at all; he was hiding his emotions too well.  She wasn’t sure what she’d expected – anger that she was meddling, anger that Bucky was giving up perhaps? Maybe pity that Bucky couldn’t walk away, or even confusion at the idea. Then he blinked, and his face changed, and she saw… sorrow. His eyes, usually so clear, glinted with unshed tears and he looked down so that she might not see his weakness. He reached for his glass, took a drink to steady himself, then pushed the plate away and looked up.

‘He told you that? That he wants to stop?’ She nodded, unsure where this was going to end up. Steve’s shoulders suddenly dropped, as if all he’d been holding a hundred years of tension and it had been taken from him at last, and he smiled, although his mouth shook as if he was breaking. ‘I never thought he’d find it…’ he said, but he seemed to be talking to himself, his eyes unfocussed now.

‘Steve?’  Her voice broke into his thoughts and he met her eyes.

‘He wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t… you’re right, he’s been trying to make amends, but he never thought he could, he never would have felt it was enough, whatever he did, until he’d given every last bit of himself. And he never had to…’ His voice was shaking now, and thick with emotion. ‘He never had anything to atone for; it wasn’t him, all those years. He never needed to…’

He dropped his head and she heard him draw in shaky breaths, trying to control himself.  She reached out, gently put her hand on his where it lay, tight fist, on the table top.  Another breath in, and she saw the Captain re-emerge, shoulders back, stoic and unshaken.  It was his way of hiding the scared kid from Brooklyn, she knew now, always had been. For all his years, his strength, his successes and fame, inside he saw himself as Bucky’s small friend, the Captain was just a front.

‘He never had a reason to stop before, that was bigger than his reason to carry on.  He’s found one now, something that matters more to him, that feels more important, that outweighs the burden he’s been carrying’. His hand relaxed, turned over and held hers softly.  Her hand looked so small in his but she never felt any threat from him.

‘I think he’s just tired Steve. This last accident, he’s recovering more slowly than before, you said. Maybe he knows now that his body’s ageing, that the serums effects are petering off.  He just wants to rest.’ Steve cocked his head at her, one eyebrow raised. ‘That’s what he said, he doesn’t want to fight any more, but he was afraid to tell you.’

Steve laughed at that, but there was little humour in it.

‘He was carrying on because he didn’t want to let me down?’ She nodded. ‘I kept going for him. If he was determined to save the world a hundred times, to make up for what he did when he was under Hydra control, I was going to be alongside him every single time. ‘Til the end of the line…’

‘He said that too.’ She said, and smiled at him.  She felt almost dizzy with relief, that maybe Bucky could let himself be at peace, finally. She remembered a conversation they’d had, weeks before, over Bucky’s silent body in the hospital. ‘Looks like you both took the stupid with you.’

Steve laughed out loud at that, real happiness in his eyes now, then quickly closed his mouth, afraid to wake Bucky, recovering on the couch. But Bucky had been awake since they’d sat down at the table, the sound of quiet conversation, chairs scraping, plates clattering, reaching through his exhaustion.  He’d enjoyed lying there, not really listening in, just revelling in the feeling of being alone with the two people he cared about the most in this world, knowing they cared for him. It wasn’t until he heard her say his name that his attention was caught.  don’t know if he’ll hate me for telling you… he heard, and wondered what on earth she could be going to say if she thought he could ever hate her. He heard what she told Steve, and for a moment there was white-hot anger, but it wasn’t for her, it was for himself, for daring to dream; then fear, cold as ice in his spine, waiting for Steve’s response.

And then… and then. He squeezed his eyes closed then opened them wide to convince himself he was awake. He was, and Steve was ready to rest now too.

‘Punk’. The voice from the couch startled them both.  Bucky’s hand appeared first, gripping the back of the couch to pull himself up, then his face, eyes matching Steve’s with unshed tears. ‘You punk. You really are too dumb not to run away from a fight. And you did keep the uniform too.’

She looked on confused, and then delighted, as Steve’s face broke into a smile, and he vaulted over the back of the couch to pull his oldest friend into a hug, both men slapping each other on the back repeatedly.

They talked, Steve and Bucky, perhaps more honestly than they had for years.  For too long, both had tiptoed around each other, misunderstanding building on misunderstanding. Bucky, for too long, had been seeking redemption and forgiveness, always looking for the next mission he could complete, as if one day he really would be able to say ‘that’s enough, the books are balanced now’, and while Steve had kept fighting, figurehead for security across the world, he’d not dared say that he deserved to rest. And Steve, watching Bucky throwing himself without care into every fight, had determined that he had to stay alongside, reminding Bucky that he wasn’t alone. And neither had ever stopped to ask themselves if this was the right decision.

They re-hashed old missions, both slightly incredulous at each other’s takes on what had happened. I thought you were… and I was only doing it because…  She leant against the wall behind them, watching them find each other again, from where they’d been hiding behind a façade of bravery and service. After a few minutes, she quietly picked up her things and left. Nodding to the security guard on the way out, a now familiar face, she hailed a cab and set off for home.

It was only a few minutes later that Bucky realised she’d gone.  He spoke to the AI, asking if she was still in the building, hoping that she’d just stepped out for a second, but she wasn’t in the building.

‘It’s her isn’t it?’ Steve asked. He was looking more at ease than he had in decades, slouched low on the couch, long legs stretched out in front of him, burdens laid aside.  ‘She thinks you’re just tired – and you are, I know – but it’s not just not wanting to die, is it? You’ve found something you want to live for.’ Bucky smiled, squeezed Steve’s shoulder.

‘She kissed me, y’know. Today.  I’m not saying it’s my first kiss in 70 years, but… it is.  Not that much time for romance in Hydra’. It wasn’t often that Bucky could laugh about his past, but it seemed as if she’d changed everything.

‘You’re blushing Buck. Is that what I used to look like, back in Brooklyn?’ Steve teased him gently, and Bucky smiled.

‘Like this, but much, much smaller Stevie.’

-

She went back to her apartment, and for a moment it felt unfamiliar, she spent so much time at the Tower now.  The air was dusty and over-hot, and she felt suddenly stifled.  She flung open the windows, wanting to breathe in the world, she suddenly felt so light.  Unable to sit still, she paced, picking up then putting down items without paying attention. In her room, she took a moment to inspect her plant – his plant, his gift – and carried it through to the kitchen to water.  With the plant in the sink, she reached into the cupboard for a glass for herself, and her hand found Max’s cup, put back away at the back of the cupboard, too painful to see.  She pulled it out, ran her thumb over his teethmarks, and waited for the pain to come. It did, but it was gentler than it had been for a long time, and she had to steady herself for a moment.  It would never stop hurting, but somehow she would live with it, she knew. She would look at his photos, and remember the four years before, and not that one night. She put the cup back, hands shaking slightly, found another glass and drank.

She paced a little more, unsure what to do with herself, her mind racing. She had kissed Bucky, he had fallen asleep on her. Steve had said it was time, that it was OK for them to stop now.  The future suddenly lay too wide open to contemplate. She wasn’t sure where she would fit into it now.

Her doorbell buzzed. She picked up the handset, said hello? and heard the voice she’d been hoping it would be.  It’s Bucky. She quickly moved to press the button, hearing the door downstairs bang open, and footsteps hurrying up the stairs.  She opened her apartment door at the same time he arrived, and they stood for a second looking at each other, then she stepped back, giving him space to walk in.

She closed her door and turned slowly, suddenly awkward now they were alone, but Bucky had found his voice, felt freer than he had for so long.

‘We talked, me and Stevie. He says its time, there’s others who need to step up now, time to put down the fight, and move on. He says he’s been wanting to for a long while now. Knowing Stevie, he’s gonna do something dramatic, handing over his shield all showy, reckon I know who he’s gonna give it to too.  Me, I don’t want all the show. I’m done, that’s it. Can’t say I know what I’m going to do next, how I’ll fill my time, but I don’t care. I’ve fought my last fight, picked up my last weapon. My service is over.’

He stepped forward, picked up her hands with his, felt her fingers tremble slightly.  He knew she was still broken inside, but over the time he’d known her, she’d pieced much of herself back together.  The joins were visible, and perhaps they’d never be as strong as she once had been, but she was tougher than she knew.

‘I’ve given enough. I’ve paid my debts. Maybe not everyone will agree I should be allowed to, but I’m choosing happiness.’

Before, she had taken the lead, reaching up and kissing him, but this time he leant down, softly holding the back of her head in his left hand. The hand that had been torn from him in the war, replaced with a machine, upgraded and improved, but so often used to kill. Now he let it hold something so precious, knew that it could be gentle as well. He lifted his right hand, used it to stroke some hair off her face, silky against his fingers. For a moment, he wish he’d shaved, wish he was the clean-cut sergeant he’d once been before shipping out, but it was too late now, and he didn’t think she’d mind.  

She felt his hands moving gently on her face, but her eyes were closed.  A slight rasp against her skin was his stubble, then the softest brush against her lips, gone almost before she felt it. She half-opened her eyes, reached out her hands to pull him closer towards her, mumbling more against his smile.  The next kiss was firmer, and her heartbeat sounded loud in her ears as she kissed him back.

EPILOGUE

The year had turned through all its seasons, and the rain was as relentless now as it had been when they first met.  Small waves lapped at the gutter as their car drove through flooded streets, the streetlights glowing orange in all the raindrops on the windshield, wipers unable to keep up with the force of the downpour.

‘You sure you want to do this?’ From the passenger seat, she turned her head towards where Bucky drove, hands resting loosely on the wheel, eyes glancing at her then back to the road. ‘It’s going to rain all night, they say.’

‘I’m sure. I’m better dressed this time.’ She smiled at him, still surprised by how much pleasure she found in his happiness.  Since retiring, he’d faced criticism from some that he’d dared to allow himself to retire, but he’d ignored it and the fuss had soon died down, and the louder voices, those that spoke of his exemplary record in the war, at his actions since he left Hydra, at the experiments and torture he’d endured, those were the ones that he mostly heard now. The day an elderly man had clasped his hand, quietly said ‘thank you for your service’, pulling himself straight to salute, he had wept, but each day he believed more that he’d made the right choice.

Steve too had been questioned, some furious that their symbol had chosen humanity over sacrifice.  The moment Steve chose, in front of the cameras, to hand his shield to Sam, had been hailed by many as one of the most powerful gestures ever seen. Those who griped soon learnt to keep their complaints quiet.

They drove in companionable silence, Bucky pulling up the car in an empty space at the foot of the hill. She struggled into a waterproof coat before getting out, Bucky merely pulling a cap on his head and doing up his jacket a little higher.

‘It’s Ok for you, you don’t feel the cold, some of us are mere humans’, she mock-griped, then squealing and turning away as he reached to tickle her.  It felt very different from the last time they were here. Bucky opened the back door of the car, and a large dog jumped out, obediently waiting while she clipped on his lead, handing the end to Bucky to hold.

‘Why do I get the feeling I’ll be cleaning the muddy footprints out of the car, even though it was you wanted to come here?’ he said, but there was a smile in his words.

‘He’s your dog, registered and all; I couldn’t possibly take that away from you…’ She reached down and ruffled the dog’s fur, feeling the raindrops already starting to collect. Bucky had applied for a service dog a few months after standing down.  His happiness at being free was still often overlaid with decades of guilt and anguish at his actions under Hydra control, and putting aside his responsibilities had made them resurface from where they lay long buried.  She’d soothed him through nightmares and flashbacks, but when the press of crowds, eager to meet him, had started to cause panic, they’d retreated into the Tower, and she’d sought professional help. Therapy was helping, but the solid warmth of the dog to lean on, able to know without doubt that there was no judgement, was keeping him steady too.

He preferred times like this still though. It was evening, light dimming behind the clouds, and the rain was keeping people away. Streets had been almost deserted as they’d driven through the city, umbrellas and heads held low made the few people they passed faceless.  Where they were now, outside the city, was empty, and Bucky turned his face up to the sky, letting his arms open wide now he felt he could breathe again. Raindrops caught on his lashes lit up like stars as lightning flashed above them.

She tugged on his hand, pulling him towards the gate. The ground was already starting to soften, and their feet slipped a little, while the dog walked steadily beside them. At the top of the hill, she paused, trying to get her bearings, but he knew what she was looking for.

‘Here’, he said, pointing a little further on.  It looked much like the rest of the hilltop, but it stood out for them.  She stopped, much further from the edge than she had been a year ago, and he stood close behind her, arms wrapped around her, waterproof rustling as he rested his head on hers.  She crossed her arms, for warmth, and for comfort, holding on to his hands, and they stood in silence.

‘It’s been three years now Buck.  He’s been gone three years.  It doesn’t hurt as often, but when it does hurt, it hurts so much.’  Her voice was so quiet that it was only because of their closeness that he heard.  He didn’t answer, she wasn’t looking for platitudes, just tightened his grip for a moment, let her know that he was there for the pain as well as the good times.

She liked to come here, whatever the weather.  From here, the city seemed far away.  In the sunshine, she watched the plants grow, wild flowers reclaiming Battle-damaged wastelands, but in the rain she remembered that first night, drunk and despairing, when Bucky had saved her from the fall.

Breathing in deeply, she stepped away from Bucky and turned to face him, the dog lying resigned to the rain on the ground beside them.  She wrapped her arms around his neck, felt him shrink away from the cold wet of her sleeves, and smiled as she pulled him closer.

‘I love you’, he said, and although the sound of the wind and the river carried the words away, she knew, and when she said it back, the rain didn’t matter any more.

---

@melconnor2007 @avengerscompound @kittyslove @badassbaker@phoenix21love@lbouvet@bellenuit45 @prplprincez @gingerrootknits@pineapplebooboo@feelmyroarrrr@avengerofyourheart@eyeofdionysus @hellomissmabel @learisa @mitra-k-w@imhereforbvcky@shaddixlife @supernatural-girl97 @iwillbeinmynest @amrita31199 @algud@whatsbetterthanfantasy@pixierox101  @madcheshire89 @chipilerendi  @mckorni32843@amandarosemire @nyxveracity @sea040561 @mrsalh32611@ruinerofcheese@callmebucky-doll @vintagepigeon  @sassycanoodler@natcad@thisismysecrethappyplace@geeksareunique @mywinterwolf  @moderapoppins@rinthehufflepuff@holyfuckloueh @onebatch--twobatch @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory@patzammit@procrastinatingart1st  @marvelouspottering @princess76179@fangirlanotherjust

[dtissagirl]

I fought the war but the war won

Warning: all the spoilers for Avengers: Endgame.

OF COURSE I have no doubt Natasha would sacrifice herself for the world in a heartbeat.

And between her and Clint, it's obvious her thinking is he can have a future with his ~family~, and she's obviously been insanely isolated these last five years, and filled with regret, and sacrificing herself for her found family [and saving the universe in the process] is worth it for her.

But my problem is I don't acknowledge the existence of Clint's family because that's a dumbass story idea from the worst movie ever GO AWAY LINDA CARDELLINI.

And watching Nat and Clint back together made my heart ache because those two belong together -- romantically if you prefer it so, but mainly together as in partners that work insanely well together in a fictional narrative. They have had this lived-in chemistry from the first Avengers, and I didn't realize how much I had missed it until this movie.

[Fuck Joss Whedon with a cactus forever.]

[Someone make me that Black Widow movie and show me Budapest. I DESERVE IT.]

...

And then the scene with all the dudes in the lake angry-mourning Nat looks REALLY REALLY BAD because the only thing that emotionally rings out of that scene is HOLY SHIT THEY FUCKING KILLED THE ONLY WOMAN OH MY GOD PLEASE END ALL MEN WRITING SUPERHERO STORIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HORRIBLE THE OPTICS ARE WHEN THEY FUCKING KILL THE ONLY ORIGINAL WOMAN AVENGER IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE MOVIE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE THEIR LEGACY. HOLY FUCK.

...

Holy motherfucking shitballs what they did to Thor was a supreme case of extreme fatphobia. So fucking embarrassing. And they could have done the exact same depression/PTSD shit without a fat suit. Fatness is NOT a character flaw, and for this movie to think it's okay to portray it as such, and for most people in the audience to not even realize how horrible this is... well, that's the fatphobic world we live in everyday wherein thin people don't realize how fucking horrible they are about fatness ALL THE TIME. Ugh.

And hey, I think Hemsworth is a comedic genius at this point, and I'm super glad Hollywood at large has realized he can run circles of funny and comic timing around everybody else [THANKS, GHOSTBUSTERS!], but the fat suit soured it forever in this movie.

...

Look, I know at this point Goop is a hazardous danger to women's health at large, and call me a hypocrite for separating actor and character this particular time when I usually don't, but I love and adore and cherish Pepper Potts with all my heart.

SHE is the reason I'm so connected to the MCU. My hook wasn't any of the superheroes, it was Pepper in the first Iron Man movie. She's the glue that has made me engage with this universe so deeply for the last ten years. All the fanart, all the fic, all the fanworks ever I've created or consumed in the last decade, it has been all about how much I adore Pepper.

And to see her in the Rescue armor in the final battle, I just. I wasn't expecting it. I hadn't even thought it was ever gonna happen, but THIS was the true culmination of the past ten years for me. From now on, I can say it without a doubt every single time someone asks me who's my favorite Avenger. It's Pepper Potts.

[I also kept thinking about my friend S. She would have been so fucking ecstatic about this. It hit me right in the face when Pepper showed up in battle -- I so dearly wish S were here to see this.]

...

Okay, so, disclaimer: I don't have a horse in the Steve Rogers 'shipping infinity wars. I crack 'ship Steve with Maria Hill forever and ever because they would make the prettiest babies on the planet and I don't even like babies. The only part of Ultron that I acknowledge is Maria wearing Steve's jacket at the party. It's the ONLY thing that happened in that movie, NOTHING ELSE DID.

And I don't even blame Steve in any of this mess, to be honest.

The problem here is structural. The narrative went OUT OF THIS WAY to establish HOW time-travel works in this universe. They even got all gloat-y about how every movie ever made was wrong about the ~quantum physics~ of it. They even had bald Tilda Swinton MAKE A POWER POINT PRESENTATION about the rules of time travel.

They set up ONE very specific rule -- changing the past doesn't alter one's own future, it creates a separate timeline of events. O-kay. Pretty simple rule.

...And then Old!Cap who looks scarily like Joe Biden broke that one rule.

Because he did. He went back in time and put all the stones in their proper place in the timeline[1]... and *after that* he went back to the 40s to live happily ever after with Peggy[2], THUS ***CHANGING THE PAST*** and *****CREATING AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE*****.

So there's no. fucking. possible. way. he could have grown old in the original timeline.

And like. They could have fixed that by having Joe Biden Old!Cap legit come back IN THE TIME TRAVEL SUIT IN THE QUANTUM PLATFORM. THAT WOULD HAVE FIXED THIS PROBLEM. But they didn't, so they broke their own story.

And the consequence of this fuck up is... Steve a horrible person. [And even writing that makes me sad because he isn't? He wouldn't ever?] But by breaking their story and their own time-travel rules, it fucks up Steve so badly I wanna cry. So what, he lived a whole life in this same timeline, and did nothing to change anything? Did he marry the future DIRECTOR OF SHIELD and never told her about Hydra? About Bucky? Did he open a newspaper one day and read that Howard and Maria Stark died in a car accident and went, oops? Did he pretend he was sick when his wife told him she was going to the funeral of her lifelong friend?

Do you see how badly it looks? It's bad. The Steve I know and love doesn't deserve this. Please go punch the Russos in the face, Cap.

Notes:

[1] HOW did Steve even put the stones in jewel form back in their proper places in the timeline when they stole the Tesseract in cube form, the mind stone with the scepter, the whatever stone that was they got from Star Lord that was inside an orb... HOW do you even put the soul stone back, like, does Cap go to Vormir and goes, oh hey, RED SKULL MY OLD BUDDY, MY OLE TIME FELLA, here's your soul stone back? Does he get Natasha back for the stone? Isn't it a soul for a soul? Does it work in reverse too?

[2] Hey, so if Steve lived happily ever after with Peggy in this timeline did he erase her future kids? This is Barry Allen levels of fuckupdness, Steve. Gah. And also -- I would pay actual monies to watch time-traveler Steve explain to Peggy that after he went to her funeral he kissed her niece. This is why I 'ship Steve with Maria Hill, man. No complications. Only pretty.

Also: STEVE ROGERS ERASED THE ENTIRETY OF THE AGENT CARTER TV SHOW. That's pretty unforgivable, man. They even had TV show Jarvis right there in this movie driving Tony's dad around in the 70s to make THIS BETRAYAL hurt more.

...

Four hours after I watched the movie I remembered Tony died and started ugly crying again. I'm glad he had those five years of a good life, I'm so glad he had a kid -- that kid, so obviously HIS kid it hurt, I'm so glad Pepper and Rhodey and Peter were there with him in his last moments. I'm glad he got the proper hero death. It still hurts like a son of a bitch.

...

Professor Hulk is a forever delight and he and I need to become besties so we can talk about quantum physics and eat hulkish amounts of breakfast foods every day.

...

I find Thanos to be a complete bore, so every time he sat and started monologuing I stopped paying attention because I DESERVE TO NOT have to listen to giant purple incels pretending they ~know best~ about anything.

But I did appreciate that there was a difference in tone. This was 2014 Thanos, before he went full on cray cray with the monologuing, so he spoke less [bless], and he went full nihilist I AM GOING TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE instead of only half of it ~for balance~ or whatever. Because Infinity Wars tried to make it like Thanos wanting to kill 50% of the universe had some sort of ~logic~ behind it, and that was way too close to ~both sides~ shit, and, no, son. Him wanting to destroy EVERYTHING put him in the right proper category of batshit crazy bananapants deranged, and that's where he should have been ALL ALONG, no ~he has a point~ arguments ever valid, he doesn't, he never did, shut the fuck up.

...

I actually really really enjoyed the pacing of this movie. Granted, I'm not stupid and I took a muscle relaxant beforehand so that I could sit still for one hundred and eighty two fucking minutes, but I honestly didn't feel it drag at all at any time [and I felt all the other Avengers movies drag at some point or another].

I appreciated it so much that the set up for the final battle took waaaaay longer than the final battle. [I know people go ga-ga for battle scenes, but eh. I prefer my superheroes as pretty people who talk really fast, and battles make them stop talking.]

My favorite sequence was the revisiting of the previous movies. I loved every single piece of it, and I know in my heart that I'm gonna rewatch those sequences over and over and over again for the rest of forever. THE CAP 2 ELEVATOR SCENE REENACTMENT BUT NOT REALLY OH MY GOD THAT WAS GLORIOUS.

Also Loki stealing the Tesseract [again!] was aces. Sure it was to set up extra time-travel shenanigans, but still. Loki and the Tesseract belong together. Please let this be the premise of the Disney+ series.

...

Even though battle sequences aren't really my thing, I would like to express my DEEP ABIDING LOVE for the part when all the women got together to help Peter move the Big Glove of Kitsch towards the van. My packed theater clapped so hard. I cried.

...

HOW DOES PETER PARKER GO BACK TO SCHOOL FIVE YEARS LATER AND HIS BUDDY IS STILL THERE DID HIS BUDDY FLUNK HIGH SCHOOL FIVE YEARS IN A ROW? WHAT?

...

Also Cap and the Hammer, the actual true love story of this movie. Thor's little "I knew it". I knew it too, buddy.

...

I'm gonna need Marvel to release the behind the scenes footage of the filming of Tony's funeral. I hope the cast had an actual party right there, all somberly dressed in black and everything.

...

After a full season of 22 episodes of television in a movie screen, this was a pretty great finale. Congrats on making the most expensive tv show of all time, Marvel. Excelsior!

[smallmarvel]

Forever Means Forever - part 2

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Summary: Growing up with your best friends Steve and Bucky in the 40′s was the highlight of your entire life. But honestly, being a governmental weapon doesn’t offer much competition.

WC: 1.4k

A/N: Pretty sure this low key sucks but it’s okay because it’ll get better! I can’t wait to show you guys the next part! Comments are strongly encouraged, I’d love to know what you think or ideas you have :)

Warnings: death, mourning 

part 1

You heard your alarm clock blaring and swung your arm over your bed to turn it off. Another day, another mission, another kill. You yawned and threw your legs off the bed. You quickly changed into your suit and made your way to the jet. Every day was the same. You were briefed at the beginning of the week, then followed through. Every. Single. Day. You were the government’s property, so you did as you were told. You buckled in on the jet as it started its route to wherever the hell it was going. You set your head back and closed your eyes.

You turned the page of your magazine you were reading on your front porch. You’d finally received a message from Steve the other day. He was safe. They’d actually taken him into the army. You’d figured just as much. It was just good to ease your conscience and know that he wasn’t dead. Even though he wouldn’t be much better off in the war. You’d finally adjusted to life without your best friends. All you had was your waitressing job at the diner, and your hope. Your hope that your best friends would come back safe and sound to you.  

You were ripped out of your daydream by a knock on the column of your porch. A young man in a tan uniform pulled out a sheet of paper and your heart dropped. 

“Excuse me, are you (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?” All you could manage was a nod. “Do you share this apartment with James Buchanan Barnes?” you nodded again. “I’m very sorry, ma��am, but Barnes is MIA, as is Steven Grant Rogers. You were listed as his only emergency contact,” he saluted and walked back down the porch steps. Your magazine dropped to the ground. 

You stood and ushed your way into your house before your legs gave out. You tripped over the coffee table and fell onto the ground. Your body shook with silent sobs and you cried harder than you’d ever cried in your entire life. Your heart was shattered and your body felt like a stone. Your lungs were on fire. You couldn’t stop thinking about how you were going to have to live without them. You couldn’t. You just couldn’t live without them. 

Life continued like this. You cried yourself to sleep every night. You barely ate, slept, or did much of anything. After two or so weeks, you got your first wakeup call. You were being evicted. The apartment you’d shared with Bucky for three years was going to be taken away from you. It was the last thing you cared about. Material possessions meant nothing to you anymore. So you decided to get your shit together and sell everything. You sold clothes, furniture, everything. While you were purging, you got an idea.

“Hello, I’m Thomas (Y/L/N),” you spoke in your lowest voice. The recruitment officer shuffled the papers on his desk and sighed. 

“You’re looking to enlist?” he peered at your over his glasses. You nodded. You were sweating and shaking and cursing yourself for coming up with this awful idea. Your baggy clothes swamped you, making you even hotter. In grade school, you’d read about several women who had dressed up as men and fought in wars. With all the technological differences, you should’ve known you couldn’t have gotten away with it. You just thought it was something nice to honour Bucky and Steve. They were all you had to live for, anyway. With them gone, you didn’t mind dying for the same cause they had, and, in a way, for them. “Well, get ready for the physical examination,” he said, standing up and tucking the papers into a manilla folder on the desk. “The doctor will be in shortly.”

He exited the room and shut the door. Your heart rate increased and you began to panic. What were you supposed to do? You hadn’t thought this through all the way. Your brain was racing a million miles a minute and you knew you were quickly running out of options. You heard the door open and a little man with grey hair and glasses walked in. You sat down on the examination bed. He sat down on the swivel chair and laced his hands together, laying them on his lap.

“You can calm down, (Y/N),” he said. Your eyes widened and you did the exact opposite. Your heart rate quickened, if that was possible, and you felt your body go into flight mode. “We know why you’re here. We know about Rogers and Barnes,” he sighed. “We know you were very close with them. Clearly, you share their bravery and courage.”

“Who is ‘we’?” You found your voice. You took off your hat and your outer layer of clothes, revealing your normal pants and shirt. He sighed again.

“The government, (Y/N),” you squinted at him. “We chose Rogers for a top-secret experiment to turn him into a super soldier. However, the serum was destroyed. We have been hoping to find a new candidate for the new and improved serum. We figured you would be a good candidate,” you didn’t even think twice. 

“Yes,” you said. His eyes widened. 

“Are you sure? I mean, there’s a lot involved in-” you cut him off.

“I’m sure,” you said. “I’m doing this for Bucky and Steve.”

You laughed at the memory. You were so young and naive. You should have listened to the terms and conditions before you made the biggest decision of your entire life. The serum gave you super strength, incredible reflexes, and an incredible body. On top of all of this, you literally could not get hurt. You were virtually indestructible. You couldn’t even get so much as a papercut. 

It was the worst decision of your life. For the past 70 years, you’d been made to destroy and kill. You did the missions that the government was too scared to do. You were just a weapon, a tool. Sure, they gave you food, housing, anything you could ask for. In exchange for your freedom. After a few years of it, while you were technically still in the trials for the new serum, you had realized how much of a curse this new power was. As far as you were concerned, you couldn’t die. Any blade that touched your skin broke, any fist that tried to hit you shattered. That’s why you decided to destroy the serum and all plans that had come with it. You wouldn’t allow them to do this to anyone else. They were playing God and they knew it. 

Unfortunately but understandably, you were punished. That’s why you were under house arrest and had no freedom. Sometimes you were given liberties, but you mostly just stayed in the place they housed you. You had nothing else to do, anyway. 

You didn’t have a phone, computer, or television. As far as you were concerned, it was still the 40′s. You were content with your newspapers and your books. You sewed in your free time. Of course, the government fed all of these hobbies. They provided you with any books or materials that you wanted. You’d even been the one who made your suit. It was dark blue and felt like a second skin. You could fight with no problem in it. It was a big improvement from your first suit, the one they’d provided you with.

You lived a bleak, bleak life. The only highlight was when you were able to venture to the museum to see the Captain America exhibit. You’d only been a handful of times. It hurt when you went, but you were happy to be able to see Steve again, even if it was just the glorified version of Captain America. You were incredibly proud of Steve. He’d gotten what he wanted, a chance to fight for his country. He was brave and courageous, everything he’d always been, but had a chance to finally use. Even up until his last second alive, he was protecting the greater good. You still missed Steve and Bucky, but the sharp pain had turned into a dull ache over the years. 

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you’d hardly realized that the ship was landing. You prepared to hear the words “(Y/N), prepare for dispatch”, beginning to unbuckle your seatbelt, but they didn’t come. Instead, it boomed “Prepare for a change of course”. You were confused. You heard Fury’s voice in your ear.

“You’re headed to Antarctica,” he said. “A certain Hydra bomber plane was just found.”

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[jamesnbarnes]

medicine | steve + bucky

Pairing(s): Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary:

Steve Rogers has been in combat, in new centuries and old. Steve Rogers has fought a million battles, but this is the only war that has ever been able to bring Steve to his knees.

Word Count: 1.6k

Notes: this is set immediately post-CATWS. lots of angst, recovering!bucky, steve definitely has PTSD, and a semi-positive ending? not exactly. i’m not 100% happy with this but i desperately needed to write + publish something to jumpstart the writing process. so here it is! i hope you guys enjoy.

After DC, all Steve can think about is why. The questions damn near drives him mad. Why did Bucky (the soldier?) save him? Why was he pulled from the river? Nothing about this situation sits right with him. Steve feels like he’s cursed to wander in circles around James Buchanan Barnes and no matter what happens, the cycle will not be broken. Steve’s tried.

The thing is, Steve has done this too many times before. Steve has spent decades in a world without Bucky. He knows, intimately, how terrifying it is to wake up from a nightmare and to reach over to the other side of an empty bed, seeking a comfort that has not existed for a hundred years. He knows all too well how it feels to wake up and go to work knowing that you will never look upon the face of the one you love most. He knows how torturous it is to have the last moments of your loved one’s life play behind your eyelids every time you close your eyes. The scream Bucky let out as he fell, as Steve didn’t catch him, haunts Steve’s every move.

Steve Rogers has been in combat, in new centuries and old, Steve Rogers has fought a million battles, but this is the only war that has ever been able to bring Steve to his knees.

Steve closes his eyes for a second and tries to remember how to breathe. There is suddenly a small breeze, barely there but still noticeable. When Steve opens his eyes, his mouth falls open with a tiny gasp. Nothing about his life seems realistic anymore.

“Don’t speak, don’t move, don’t do anything,” the man says.

Steve nods breathlessly. “Okay,” he says, swallowing loudly.

It’s too silent in this room. There’s the dull hum of hospital machinery but Steve can barely hear it over the sound of his own heart beating out of his chest.

“You don’t remember me, but I remember you,” Steve finally says. It’s not a question.

He’s standing there, at the end of Steve’s hospital bed. The ghost of his best friend-- lover. Every bone in his body is screaming for Steve to get up, to not let him slip away again. Not only would that be a bad idea given the fact that his body is about two bone breaks away from giving out completely, but because Steve isn’t exactly sure that he’d be able to stop himself from doing something insane if the conspiring events didn’t go his way.

The soldier doesn’t say anything. He stares blankly, hands lying limp at his sides.

“I remember parts.”

Steve swallows at hearing his voice again. It’s deeper, rougher, no doubt choked with words he wasn’t allowed to say for 70 years. Steve knows the feeling well. “Which parts?”

“Snow. Ice. Trains.” The soldier looks towards the window. It’s pitch black outside, save for a full moon shining in through the thin curtains.

“You letting me fall,” the soldier spits harshly.

Steve can’t breathe.

“Do you know what it’s like to land in snow and ice after falling hundreds of feet, only to notice red seeping out from your body, discovering that your entire arm is gone?” the soldier snarls.

Steve’s eyes widen and his chest tightens painfully. It’s as if the words He gapes as he watches the soldier leave again, slipping into the shadows. He’s retreated back into the darkness, taking Steve’s heart with him again. It’s not as if Steve’s heart every really belonged to himself anyway.

He wakes up again three hours later. Steve hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep again.

Sam tells him it was just a dream.

The next time the soldier comes, Steve is near tears. He’s on the verge of tearing half of his apartment apart, ripping up the files he’s been looking over for damn near weeks now. His body may have healed but his mind hasn’t. Everything is falling apart around him. He hasn’t slept in days. S.H.I.E.L.D, Hydra, top-secret missions and hidden case files and confidential personnel files control his brain.

“Come on, dammit!” Steve yells, near hysteria bringing his hand down hard against the counter’s stone edge. He’s standing in his kitchen, files and old photographs and screencaps of newsreels and camera footage littering the floor. He wishes the impact of his palm against the counter hurt more than it does. Steve feels insane, he feels drunk, he feels like he’s going to lose his fucking mind because he’s always been two feet behind Bucky Barnes. The man has always been two steps ahead of him, even now, when everything has gone to shit, and Steve is just barely keeping his head above the water. “Goddammit. Goddammit Goddammit Goddammit.”

Steve is looking for answers and he isn’t sure they exist in this vague paper trail. Natasha has pulled all the strings she has in her back pocket, and Steve still isn’t sure it will be enough. This goes deeper and farther than Steve ever could have imagined. It’s deeper than the Red Room and runs far below the streets of the United States Capitol. It’s an international crisis six decades in the making and Steve’s head is about to explode.

“We were lovers.”

“Jesus,” Steve gasps, whirling around to find the soldier standing there. Steve has no idea how he got there, and part of him doesn’t want to ask. The soldier looks completely exhausted, like the experience of the past two weeks has stripped him down to bare bones. In short, he looks like he’s been to hell and back. The black eyeliner is gone, and the armor and weaponry are too, and even under the shitty lighting in his kitchen, Steve can see the shadows under his eyes from fatigue and the aftermath of murder.

“We were lovers,” he says again, expecting a response, and Steve really, desperately wishes he was capable of getting drunk. He feels too unstable to be dealing with this right now. He didn’t ask for this. He didn’t ask for this broken, almost-there version of the love of his life to come waltzing back into this life. He used to be resentful of this curse, of the fact that Bucky’s ghost would always haunt him. Steve had finally accepted that this was his life, that this was the curse he’d been dealt, and then, Bucky was back. He balls his right hand into a fist, suddenly fighting the urge to take a swing at something, and takes a deep breath.

His mind flashes back to when they were kids in Brooklyn, skinned knees, and bloody knuckles, running around the cobblestone streets like nothing could ever hurt them. He thinks of the way they held each other close before Bucky left for training, the night after he saved Steve’s ass in an alleyway, the way they still sought each other out for years. For fuck’s sake, Bucky made into Europe before he did, and yet they still ended up together, because something in this godforsaken universe has tied them together. He looks to the floor, and doesn’t think of the night they found each other again, touching and breathing each other in under a starlit sky in the middle of Nazi-occupied Germany.

Steve realized, with crushing finality, that it was never meant to be anything other than this. It was always Steve and Bucky, and while they may have been able to outrun it for all these years, it has caught up with them now. It’s as if Steve’s soul is tangible, as if he’s holding it in his hands, willingly handing it over to Bucky, every single damn day of eternity, now and for forever.

He can’t.

“Yes,” Steve says, opening his eyes suddenly. The memory fades away, cataloged in the back of his mind. He seals it shut again, and compartmentalizes his feelings before he speaks again.

The soldier exhales, contemplating his next move. “You loved him.”

Steve flinches. “I loved you, yeah.”

“Not me. Him,” the soldier says.

“Yeah,” Steve says weakly. “Are you going to leave again?”

The stranger shrugs. “Do you want me to stay?”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Steve says honestly.

“I can’t be him,” the soldier murmurs, whispering as he comes forward into the light. Steve stands up straight, hand twitching like he wants to take him into his arms again.

The soldier notices and doesn’t take another step forward. Steve curses himself for being so humanly desperate. It has been so long since Steve has held this man in his arms and he would kill twenty men to be able to hold him right now.

The soldier swallows. “I can’t be him. I can only be me. This broken, damaged thing. I can’t be him. But I can be better. I can- I can fix it. Not the things I’ve done, but. Me.”

“I believe in you,” Steve says, letting the words wash over him and sink into his skin, his bones. His heart.

“I can fix you,” the man (Bucky?) says. It shatters Steve’s heart. That, that right there, is Bucky, his Bucky, shining through. It’s almost painful how Bucky-like that statement is. He was always more concerned with making sure the soldier standing next to him made it home. It’s part of the reason Steve fell for him back in the first place.

Bucky was a good man. And this man, whoever he might grow to be, will always carry parts of the man Steve knew as Bucky.

Steve takes a chance with a smile. “Let’s focus on getting you patched up first, yeah?”

The soldier doesn’t smile, but the twitch of his lips is enough to convince Steve that he understands.

“What should I call you?” Steve says, turning away from the man long enough to grab two glasses and begin filling them up with water.

“James,” the man breathes. “You can call me James.”

It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

It’s been a long time since either one of them had a new beginning.

[trancowboy]

Hi Charlie, I'm making a thing and I was wondering if you could help me by shraing your view about steve rogers and bucky barnes, as individual characters as well as your view of their relationship together, headcanons and such, is totally okay if you can't, but if you do I'd be eternally grateful! Thanks anyway

Pal, you basically just invited me to write a whole entire essay about these two assholes, so… I’m sorry? This is gonna get long and most likely sad.

Steve Rogers:

Steve is an asshole, through and through. He’s got a heart of gold and being a good person is in his nature, but my god is he an asshole.

He will fight anyone who does him or anyone he cares about wrong. He won’t hesitate to pick a fight and he would much rather throw some punches than have a verbal conversation/discussion.

Steve Rogers talks with his fists. He’ll fight until he physically can’t stand anymore and even then he will stand up and push himself just that last little bit.

(”I could do this all day.” Steve, my angry baby, have a seat and take a nap.)

Steve is the bisexual we deserve. I think he’s always been aware that he’s attracted to both men and women, but he never told anyone about it back in the day. He didn’t need people to have another reason to beat him up, so he kept it quiet.

(And if he paid a little more attention to certain drawings of a certain boy, then that was his business.)

I don’t think he knew there was a name for what he feels until he woke up in the future. But once he found out and learned more about it, I like to think he’d be a Proud Bi and just tell everyone he comes across because it’s okay now and he can do it.

Sure, it gets a little tiring when he answers his phone with, “Steve Rogers, proud bisexual. Hello,” but his friends get used to it and strangers get past the confusion quickly.

Steve swears. A lot. Like a whole fucking lot. I actively ignore the whole “Language” line (unless it was a joke that Steve only told because he’s tired of the ~grandpa~ jokes, which, ok, I can get behind that) because Steve Rogers has the mouth of a fucking sailor.

Steve can swear up a storm but compliment him or flirt with him or be extra nice or anything and he’ll blush like a tomato and become so awkward he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Even after all these years, Steve still feels a bit awkward in this new body of his. He doesn’t miss being skinny and sickly and tiny and on the brink of death all the time, but sometimes he doesn’t like being big and muscle-y either. Sometimes he doesn’t like how he can’t make himself invisible as easily as he used to.

Sometimes he just wants to curl up under the covers of his bed and hide from the outside world that has painted him as a person he’s not; a world that sees him as a soldier and Captain America™ rather than a human being.

He lives in a world he doesn’t recognize where everyone he ever knew and cared about are either dead or only remembers him half the time. This deleted scene from The Avengers shows just how detached to the world he feels and honestly, I have way too many feelings about that three minute video.

Steve throws himself into danger (jumping on a grenade without thought, crashing the Valkyrie, jumping out of a plane without a parachute, etc) because he doesn’t really care whether he lives or dies. He never feared death because death has loomed over him like a shadow since he was a child.

And maybe he wants death to take him sometimes. He definitely wanted to when he crashed the Valkyrie. He could have fought more, could have figured out a way to save the world and still survive, but he was tired and he just wanted it to end, so he stopped fighting.

And then he woke up 70 years later to more fighting and he just never slowed down or took a break, because if he did, he’d have to deal with how he was feeling and he couldn’t handle that. He didn’t want to deal with it because it was too painful.

While extremely heavy on the angst, Einherjar by thecommodore_squid perfectly portrays Steve’s depression. Steve in that fic is pretty much exactly how I see him.

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THINGS, SHALL WE?

Steve is a Disney nerd. He probably didn’t get to catch up on all the new Disney movies between TFA and CW, but between giving up the shield and becoming Nomad (@ marvel let me have bearded!nomad!steve pls and thanks) he probably took a breather for the first time in years and started on the list.

(Does he sit with a laptop by Bucky’s cryo freezer and watches them with him??? haha shoot me)

Steve will fight for what he believes in, no matter what. He proved that in CW when he gave up everything for Bucky without thinking twice.

And then, of course, there’s my headcanon that Steve is trans but if I dive into that, this thing is gonna end up 100k on Steve alone.

Bucky Barnes:

Bucky cares so much. He’s the guy who stood by this skinny, little punk’s side when no one else did. He’s the guy who probably worked his ass off for hours and hours just to get enough money so Steve could get healthy (or healthier) again.

He’s the guy who went through torture and trauma and had the opportunity to get an honorable discharge after what he went through, but he didn’t. Instead he followed his best friend back into war and it cost him his life and freedom and self.

But I’d bet my left foot that he’d do it all again, because he’s Bucky and Bucky cares so goddamn much about everyone but himself.

Bucky is gay. Yes, he was with women back in the day and yes, he kissed them and fooled around with them and probably got off a little, but I think he did it just because it was expected of him.

If it wasn’t because it would be suspicious to everyone else, he would probably just stay home with Steve and pine every single day.

Bucky is such a giant fucking nerd. He finds science and technology incredibly exciting. I mean, he did spend his last night before going off to war dragging Steve to the Stark Expo (and their dates but eh).

Imagine his reaction to all the science stuff he missed while being used by Hydra? He’s gonna light up like a child on Christmas. God, I love my nerd son so much.

Bucky is smart as hell and no one can convince me otherwise. I mean, “[…] having been an excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom” is proof enough.

Bucky has been through hell and back several times. He’s been wiped of his memories and himself until he was a blank slate for Hydra to do whatever they wanted to with, and it’s happened probably more times than he’s been able to keep track of. And every time he started regaining just a little bit of himself or just one little memory, the torture would start all over again.

He’s been through hell, so it shouldn’t surprise anyone that he suffers from a severe case of PTSD.

Bucky Barnes is a man who cares and protects and when he’s made into a weapon who kills and murders and destroys – when he himself becomes the danger, he locks himself away because he thinks that’s the best thing for everybody.

Steve + Bucky:

There’s no Steve without Bucky, and there’s no Bucky without Steve. Steve and Bucky have always been SteveandBucky, and one without the other means they’re never really whole.

They’re their own person, sure, but they’re better together. They make each other better. Bucky makes sure Steve doesn’t kill himself with his stupidity and recklessness, and Steve makes sure Bucky gets protected and cared for too.

Steve will give up everything for Bucky, no hesitation and no questions asked, and Bucky will do whatever it takes to protect Steve, even if that means hurting him in the process (ie going into cryo).

Bucky is Steve’s dark side and Steve will do anything for him.

I have mixed thoughts on who fell in love with who first. My first instinct is to say Bucky fell in love with Steve first because of all the obvious pining in TFA, but then I think about little Steve Rogers who everyone beat up and disregarded and didn’t care about getting saved by this wonderful boy who doesn’t look down on him and treats him like an equal and I think it was easy for Steve to fall in love with Bucky, so I’m just¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

It doesn’t really matter who fell in love with who first though, does it? What mattes is that they love each other unconditionally and ‘til the end of the line (and beyond cause c’mon. That kinda love is never gonna die).

To end on a lighter note, I’m gonna give you some fluffy headcanons cause I have A Lot.

Steve is the big spoon. He always has been. Bucky loved when there was a skinny octopus clinging to him and barely being able to cover him and he loves it when he’s surrounded by pillowy muscles and warmth.

Bucky was Steve’s favorite subject to draw. And even after everything, even when he hadn’t seen him for years and thought he was dead, Steve still drew him because he never wanted to forget the face of the man he loves.

Whenever Bucky talks about science stuff, he gets all excited and extra cute, and Steve always falls in love with him a little bit more.

Same for when Steve talks about art or literally anything he’s passionate about. Steve could talk about poop and piss for an hour, and Bucky would be making heart-eyes at him the whole time.

Steve used to wear Bucky’s shirts all the time. His excuse used to be that he was too lazy to do laundry, but really, he just liked wearing Bucky’s clothes. (Bucky never minded.)

Clothes sharing is a Thing with these two. It’s a Thing that happens a lot and no one can convince me otherwise.

Bucky loves having his hair played with and Steve loves to play with Bucky’s hair.

Bucky has always loved dancing. That doesn’t change over the years, and he will make Steve dance with him again. (”I don’t care that the serum didn’t fix your two left feet, Stevie, dance with me.”)

When they finally do get together (whether that was before the war or after TWS doesn’t matter) Steve never wastes an opportunity to tell Bucky he loves him, and Steve takes every chance he can to kiss him because now he can.

Steve was probably the one who made the first move.

Steve is a little shit and Bucky loves him even when he’s being Extra and Dramatic and even when Bucky’s exasperated with him. Steve can be as much of an asshole as he wants to, because Bucky will always love him.

Bucky loves flirting with Steve just to see Steve blush bright red. (Sometimes Bucky will just casually put his hand on Steve’s butt or boob and Steve will become Captain Tomato.)

Steve will fucking fight anyone who says anything bad about Bucky.

Conclusion: Give these boys some hugs and a happy ending, please and thank you.

Anyway, I’ve got a ton more Thoughts but this is already so stupidly long, so I’m gonna stop there. Hope this was helpful (was it??? idk) and thank you for letting me ramble on about these two fuckers.

PS, tell me more about your thing or link me, maybe, if you wanna 👀