#Bruce is still a bit baffled but is happy that his kids are having fun

[purpleangiie]

I was rewatching The Greatest Showman, and of course I was thinking about Dick Grayson completely obsessing over the movie, and the Batfamily having to live with that...

[Batfam is gathered the living room, everyone is minding their own business]

A sudden voice: Whooa!

Jason: Oh no.

Bruce, looking around confused: "What–"

Dick, appearing from behind the couch (almost giving Bruce a heart attack): Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for

Steph, smiling and quickly standing up: Whooa!

Dick: Been searching in the dark, your sweat soakin' through the floor

Steph: Whooa!!

Bruce, whispering to Alfred: "What is happening?"

Dick: And buried in your bones there's an ache that you can't ignore

Tim, standing up: Takin' your breath

Damian, rolling his eyes but standing up as well: stealing your mind

Jason, letting out a quick sigh and standing up too: And all that was real is left behind!

Dick, jumping on the couch: So tell me, do you wanna go?!

Steph and Cass: Where it's covered in all the colored lights!

Duke and Damian: Where the runaways are runnin' the night!

Tim and Jason: Impossible comes true, it's takin' over you!

All: OH!

[Silence falls. They're all huddled around Bruce, frozen in their position and staring at him, waiting]

Bruce, swallowing hard, frowning: this... is the greatest show?

Dick, on the verge of tears: YES!

[dented-nado]

Well since you specifically asked: Twiddler

“Yah I like Eddie but he’s straight // BAD LUCK, HUH?”

“No he’s not”

“NO IM NOT??”

Shenanigans

I’m dying right now, the ol’ Harv(ey) stubbornly thinks that Edward fucking Nygma is s  t r a  I g ht love it.  Still one of my fave convos we’ve ever had.

==================

Eddie’s POV

 =====================

It had been about a year since he had joined the sort of halfway home that Bruce Wayne had opened up for Ex-Rogues. However Eddie was somewhat convinced the billionaire he now realized had been Batman the whole time (pfft, he totally could have figured that out… he just… hadn’t…) rather liked having he, Harley, and Harv(ey) as a sort of odd band of roommates. And well… a literal mansion wasn’t a bad place to stay in by any stretch of the imagination.

He certainly had expected (and been quietly and not so quietly jealous) that because Harv(ey) and Bruce had apparently been close as far back as when they were children, Wayne would certainly be ecstatic to have Two-Face hanging around. He still was a little bit taken a back that well… anyone would want him around.

But he really was trying to reform. Maybe part of it was because the routine had gotten boring and he’d started finding more quiet and less destructive games and puzzles more entertaining these days. Besides, he realized he could have more fun with such things when he wasn’t being hauled back to Arkham because he’d taken things a little too far so often.

That being said, he had a new focus, a new goal.

And that was the previously mentioned Harv(ey) Dent. The giant, the absolute unit that towered over him.

Two souls for the price of one. Harvey was quietly intelligent (though sometimes a little bit delightfully oblivious), kind, and soft. Then Harv, he was bold, had a wonderfully fun fashion sense, and had a gravelly voice that admittedly caused Eddie’s mind to pull a blank at times.

They were a man that could have half their face burned to a crisp with acid and still be the only man that had been in Arkham (in Edward’s opinion) that could really get it.

He still remembered the first time “two-face” had been escorted into Arkham, the sight of them had knocked the wind right out of him, completely stopped his plotting for his next attempt to outsmart Batman.

Sure, perhaps he had heard and sort of seen images of Harvey Dent, the famous distract attorney that had been nicknamed Gotham’s “white knight” on the tiny, crappy TV they were occasionally allowed to watch when they were let out of their cells. But that never did him justice.

Seeing him here? Up close?

What a man. A handsome man, carved by angels and blessed by the devil

Now if only he could get Harv(ey) Dent to notice him.

Since that day he’d tried time and time again under the hope that maybe just maybe… this giant of a man would consider a relationship of sorts.

He tried to impress them with his vast intellect, sitting close to him and going off about any fact or subject he happened to know. He then tried to drill Harvey about his knowledge as a lawyer (which he thought also might just be interesting to know). They were certainly a good listener… and Harvey warmed up to talking about legal jargon and the pains of law school with Eddie eventually.

He was able to talk to Harv about their mutual love of fun patterns and bright colors and agreed that anyone who dissed it just didn’t understand fashion. He also realized soon that Harv loved to talk when he was acknowledged, and Eddie was more than happy to encourage him to and lightly swoon at that voice.

However, they were still only on a ‘good pals’ basis.

Which maybe Eddie could have accepted, except he caught Harvey staring at him at times, smiling slightly whenever Eddie would talk about what interested him. And Harv, he had gotten Harv to laugh a few times.

There was something there, he knew it, but for some reason he couldn’t puzzle out, Dent wasn’t acting on it.

It continued to this day. Harley had suggested to Edward he simply outright tell Harv(ey) Dent he was interested in them. But that wasn’t fun or interesting, and certainly not as romantic as Eddie would like.

So, after years of frustration now, he decided he’d go to the one person who had known Harv(ey) Dent their whole life for advice.

 ============

Bruce’s POV

============

“So, that’s my dilemma.” ��Edward finished, pushing up his glasses in a very matter-of-fact way.

Bruce sighed. The only person who had ever rivaled his own stubbornness and… stupidity when it came to others having an romantic interest in them, was in fact Harv(ey) Dent. This would no doubt be difficult.

He wasn’t even sure how he managed to get into a relationship with Clark and Diana, so he wasn’t sure how much of a help he’d be trying to get Harv(ey) and Eddie to pair up.

“I’m decently sure he’s interested in you.” He replied.

“I’m quite sure too, however nothing I do seems to get them to do anything.” Eddie expressed, looking completely exasperated.

“hrrn....” Bruce grumbled thoughtfully. “What have you tried so far?”

“Well… I’ve given them gifts, flowers seemed like a sure-fire method- yet he seemed to somehow take them as a platonic gift.”

Bruce stared at Eddie for a long moment. “Who gives flowers platonically?”

Eddie shrugged.

Bruce sighed. “Dammit Harvey… Harv…” He mumbled under his breath. “I could try talking to them, get some better idea of what’s going on their head, could be Harvey and Harv keep arguing on how they want to respond.” He suggested.

Eddie nodded thoughtfully. “That may be the case, that is a possibility I had not considered… thank you for your assistance batma….. ah… Bruce…” He corrected with a slight grin.

Bruce half smiled back.

Batman was on the case.

====

“So… Harv…. Harvey…” Bruce began wandering over to where they were sitting.

They were seemingly switching between drinking a hot coffee and a Frappuccino.

Harvey had complained more than once that because of their disagreements Harv ended up making them consume way too much sugar. Too much caffeine in this case it seemed.

Their eyes flicked over to him.

“Hi Bruce.”

“What’s up Pretty Boy?”

Bruce sat down across from them. “Eddie seems to be interested in you.”

Never hurt to be blunt with a lawyer.

Harvey snorted. “That’d be nice… he is really cute but…”

“I’m sure Eddie is straight, just our luck, right?”

Bruce had never been so shocked in all his life.

Straight?

Eddie…

Straight?! E d  d I  e.

Str a I ght, Edward Nygma E Nygam s t ra ight

The two concepts being put together caused a complete error in Bruce’s mind that was slowly beginning to fry.

Who could possibly conclude that Edward was s t r aight?

The riddler…. The riddler who for a while greeted Batman like he was lowkey interested in a literal love-hate relationship

Edward

Str a I ght.

“Are you… fucking kidding me?” Bruce ended up stammering before he even realized it. “He’s not… at all!”

Harvey blinked at him a few times in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

Bruce gaped at them. They couldn’t be serious.

“Harvey… I… Harv… he… he’s not exactly subtle about it. In fact he’s very open, very much out and proud, flaming even. I’m sure he’d agree.”

Harvey looked at Bruce through squinted eyes. “Are you sure Bruce?”

“Sure, maybe he’s a bit more flashy than your average guy, but that doesn’t mean gay.” Harv added with a shrug.

“He calls you handsome at least 3 times a day.” Bruce said still staring at Harv(ey) like they were absolutely insane.

“Lots of people do.”

“Have you ever seen him even flirt with any women??” Bruce asked in disbelief.

“No but… well there’s always been more men in Arkham, and when do you even have time for that?”

Bruce was somewhere in-between wanting to laugh at them and slap them.

“He’s given you flowers.”

“Pretty sure he’s just being friendly.”

“Friendly…” Bruce wheezed.

This conversation was taking years off his life at this point. He shook his head and texted Edward.

“Get in here (the living room downstairs) It’s important”

Edward slid in and sat peppily down on the couch with Bruce within a few minutes, causing Harv(ey) to look between Eddie and Bruce in confusion.

“You rang Mr. Wayne~?” Eddie asked with a cheeky grin as he leaned his head against his hand.

“You know what these men just said to me?” Bruce began folding his hands together.

“Bruce nooo…” Harvey pleaded.

“No no, I think he should know.” Bruce insisted.

Eddie raised his eyebrows comically high. “Well don’t keep me waiting, what’s the tea?”

Bruce cleared his throat. “They said… they’re sure you’re straight.”

Eddie stared at Bruce for a minute, eyes widening.

“Me?” He asked completely baffled.

Bruce nodded.

Eddie threw back his head and laughed until his face turned red and he had trouble breathing.

Harv(ey) looked on stiffly, feeling as if they had made a mistake somewhere as the dawning realization slapped them in the face.

 ============

Harv(ey)’s POV

===================

It was bad enough they had put themselves in denial so far they had missed out starting something with the small bean-pole riddle-man much earlier…

But now because they had convinced themselves Eddie was straight and therefore could have no interest in them… Eddie and Bruce were refusing to let them live it down.

And Bruce seemed to have gotten literally everyone in on the joke. Anyone Bruce hadn’t told between his partners and his massive family, Eddie had told.

Harley had begun kissing Ivy in front of them while they both traded off saying “no homo tho” between kisses until Harv(ey) groaned and left the room in a huff, leaving them both laughing maniacally.

Eddie had begun dramatically entering a room with a flourish announcing “Ladies and Gentlemen, Guys, Gals, and Non-binary pals, the straightest man alive has arrived, you may all start the party.”

Even when they first slept together, Edward had started quietly laughing and mumbling about “how straight, and very much not gay at all this occurrence was.”

Bruce hadn’t been able to look at them in weeks without breaking out into a full on belly laugh at his expense, mumbling something along the lines of “The Riddler, st r a I ght, good lord...”

On one hand they were happy Bruce was laughing more but god dammit…

They felt a bit dumb about it to say the least.

“How did we ever think Eddie was straight?” Harvey thought to himself.

“I don’t fucking know. I really… really… don’t.”                                                                                          

Well… maybe giving everyone a little levity while still being able to date a cute red-head that seemed to know the strangest facts about almost everything that they could enjoy listening to him babble about for hours happily…. Was all worth it. Even if they were embarrassed by their comically stupid brand of denile.

[m00nslippers]

What do you think about Accidental movie star! Jason? He's shopping for groceries one day when someone walks up to him and goes "You fit the description of my character perfectly. Please audition for a movie I'm directing." Jason is skeptical, but acting is a passion he has missed so he gives it a try. The movie turns out to be a hit and now all the directors want Jason in their movies

Lol, I like it. He’s just shoppin’ for groceries, minding his own business when he sees a mugger steal a lady’s purse and Jason just leaps into action, doing parkour and shit, just crazy, highly-skilled stuff and punches the guy out and gives the lady her purse back, all without even thinking and delivers a scathing, angry lecture at the robber, like sometimes you’ve gotta steal, he gets it, but you don’t steal from old ladies who can barely afford their medications, in broad daylight, and knock kids into the street to get hit by cars when you run away!

A director of a big action movie, what there when this all went down and he’s just so impressed, so captivated by the guy, he has just great, emotional expressions and voice, these movie-star handsome looks, the height, the body, the physical skills, it’s everything he’s been looking for in this character. Can he act? Who knows, but his looks and abilities are already so appealing that if the guy couldn’t act for shit the movie would probably still sell well just on his looks and the action alone. It’s not like action movies usually need a lot of depth anyway. It’s worth a shot right?

So he goes to Jason and explains himself and gives him a card and a time to show up to audition with the casting director. He asks, do you have any experience acting? Jason’s thinking of all the undercover work he’s had to do over the years and the little bit of drama club he had in middle school and says, a little. Jason is just…really confused by the whole situation. The Red Hood, in a movie? Ridiculous. Sure no one knows he’s the Red Hood, but still. He accepts the card and everything but he doesn’t think he’s going to show up…until he tells the story to Roy so they can laugh about it, but Roy is like, “No, you should do it! You’d be so good, Jaybird!” But Jason is just like nah nah, I ain’t gonna embarrass myself, but Roy is serious.

So then Roy enlists Dick and suddenly everyone Jason knows is demanding he show up for this goddamn audition. Cass is saying how he’s always doing all the voices when reading to her and it’s so good, and Alfred as talking about how Jason would read Shakespeare opposite him in the evenings and how he’s always trying to get him to do community theater, Tim’s got a bunch of recordings from their undercover work where he embarassed a bunch of evil scientists by making them looks stupid and it doesn’t prove anything but it is funny to watch them because everyone fully believes Jason is some super-evil taskmaster sent by their boss to get results, Bruce is trying to break out the recording he made of Jason’s middle school play…and finally Jason is just like, “Fine, I’ll go! They’re just going to tell me it was all a joke and to never darken their door again but if you need an opportunity to laugh at me, whatever, I’ll appease you assholes.”

So he shows up to the think, and like he thought the casting director isn’t keen on some rando with no credentials showing up to audition but the director is there too and is super enthusiastic so maybe it was a joke on the casting lady instead of on Jason. But they give him a script and have Jason read opposite some lady who is apparently a famous hot actress but he doesn’t pay attention to that stuff so he doesn’t really recognize her. So they start to do the reading, where the love interest is trying to make the hero leave his life of running-and gunning behind to live happily ever after with her and the hero gives her some bullshit like, “This is what I am, I’m no good for that life, I’m just an empty shell, blah blah blah.” The typical poor attempts to put some emotional stakes and depth into a movie that’s just a vehicle for stunts, so no one is expecting much but–

Jason just kills it. Like, holy shit. he can do angry, he can do heartfelt and hesitant and torn and determined and the full emotional range. He’s not stilted or putting on some fake tough guy exterior, he just completely sells both the pent up rage of a hollow man left with nothing but violence, but also the man who wishes he could have had another softer, happy life, who really loves someone. They casting director is floored, she’s trying to hire him immediately and the director is looking so smug, and the actress is looking him up and down with interest like already planning the headlines where it’s revealed he’s her newest fling. And Jason is just thinking, that was pretty fun but I doubt this will amount to much, but to his surprise he’s already getting a contract shoved down his throat and they’re trying to push him into signing on for a movie and two sequels if the first one does well and he’s so overwhelmed. This isn’t really happening, is it?

He sits on the contracts a bit and is trying to think of an excuse to turn down a few million dollars that won’t sound completely insane but int he end Steph goes over to his apartment everyday to bug the shit out of him, like, “Oh my God, Jason, I would know A MOVIE STAR! Don’t you know it’s my dream to drive the paparazzi insane by cheekily photo-bombing all of their pics with really stupid stunts and peace signs?” and he points out she already does that with the paps around Tim and Cass and she’s like, “IT’S NOT ENOUGH I NEED MORE.” So he ends up signing the contracts and wondering what he got himself into.

Filming goes well, he does most of his own stunts, makes friends with most of the stunt people and a few of the actors, the lead actress keeps trying to get into his pants but he’s not interested in being front page news (little does he know he’ll make it anyway). Filming completes, he goes home, thinks well that was an experience, and doesn’t worry about it much until he shows up on the red carpet for the release. It’s not a film that’s going to win any Oscars but it’s expected to make some money. He takes Roy as his ‘date’ because he loves stupid action movies and at the scene where he’s pouring his heart out to the love interest Roy straight up cries and a few other people in the theater do too, which baffles Jason. At the end of the film there’s a standing ovation and the director is trying to show Jason off like he’s the star and people are saying it’s going to be a summer blockbuster sleeper hit and Jason is going to be the next big star, like Matt Damon or something, he can do action and acting, but this is pretty standard for movie premiers Jason figures, so he doesn’t take any of the praise to heart, he’s just like, that was an experience I guess.

And then the movie hits theaters. It’s 93% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics like it too and say it’s got great action with a hot new star who somehow manages to put real emotion into tired tropes and how they unexpectedly cried in this film that everyone wrote off as a stunt vehicle with guns and car explosions and gang/mob violence. And people start taking pictures of him and glomping him in the streets and he’s doing the press junket on freaking Ellen and the Late Show with the actress and she still keeps trying to get him to date her although now she’s wondering if he’s gay with Roy because he took the guy to the premier with him instead of family or a girlfriend. And people are already talking about a trilogy for the sequels and now the movie is blowing up in China and some other director is trying to sign him for a drama Oscar-bait role that would usually star someone like Ryan Gosling and he’s just like…how did this happen?

[shesgayfor]

Teenage Wonders

Summary: Reader is the newest teenage avenger just like Peter, and has to get braces on because dental hygiene is still important as an Avenger. Steve, who acts as a parental figure to reader, brings her. Stucky. We’re also pretending Tony lives after the new snap because, fuck that.

Characters: Steve Rogers, Reader [she/her], Peter. Mentions of Bucky, Tony, Natasha, Carol, and Bruce.

TW: Dental, Dentist tools/talk, Anxiety

“Y/N, please open the door so we can go. I really don’t want to have to send Vision in to get you.” You heard Steve speak to you through the door.

“Why do I need them? I’m an Avenger fighting bad guys, having metal in my mouth will make everything so much harder.” You fought back.

“I understand that, but you have been complaining about your teeth the past few months, and they can really help you out.” Steve replied.

You knew Steve was right, you did hate your teeth. You had a gap in the front, and it caused you issues when smiling. The back few were also overlapping weird in your mouth, making it hard to eat certain foods. You were just afraid of how you’d look with them on, not to mention the entire team would constantly make fun of you, especially Tony. You didn’t want to deal with that.

You opened the door slowly, to reveal Steve and Bucky standing at your doorway, staring you down.

Steve and Bucky were like the parents you never had, and them finally confessing their love to each other years ago made it easier to look up to them, together. Watching healthy romantic relationships will shape the way you see relationships in the future, and you have Steve and Bucky to thank.

“...Dads.” You said to them.

They looked at each other and smiled. Everyone knew it was a joke, but it made Bucky and Steve happy to hear that.

Bucky planted a kiss on Steve before saying “you got this Y/N? Or do you want me to accompany you as well?”

“I think I should be okay with Steve. Besides, you and the team have that thing you gotta do, don’t worry about me.” Bucky’s lips curled into a smile as he agreed and walked off, leaving you and Steve together, preparing for the day ahead of you.

Steve put his strong arms around you pulling your nervous self into his tall figure. “Ready?” You looked up at him with sad eyes, to only agree and head to the dentist to get your braces on.

You and Steve sat in the waiting room, waiting for your name to get called. Steve grabbed a magazine next to him, and you just sat there still as a board, unable to move. Steve noticed your nervousness and put the magazine down to look at you.

“What’s going on?” His eyebrows looked calm and his eyes were concerned, but understanding. Steve appeared to be an emotionless robot a lot of the time, but you knew how kind and understanding he was out of everyone on the team. You hesitated before finally spitting out what thoughts you’ve been thinking the past week were.

“Well, for one the thought of metal sitting on my teeth is just weird. Like I know I’ve dealt with aliens throwing metal at me but like, this is different somehow. Is it gonna hurt? And I know everyone’s gonna make fun of me, you saw the way they treated Peter when he had them on too. Tony especially oh my god I’m not gonna hear the end of it from him.” You said it all so fast you literally ran out of breath.

Steve nodded, acknowledging he understood your concerns. He let out a small smile, before looking at you saying “I’ll deal with Tony, yeah? I won’t let him say anything to you, and if he does I’ll punish him.”

You let out a tiny smile, feeling cared for by Steve.

“As for metal on your teeth? I know it’s a weird thing. Braces and all this wasn’t a thing when I was a kid, in the 20/30’s. We’ve come a long way, and therefore the advanced technology will make it safe and comfortable as possible, yeah?” Steve reassured you.

“I hope.” You replied.

“Y/N?” A woman in purple scrubs called out.

“Fuck.” You muttered under your breath.

Steve grabbed your hand and lead you to the back, into one of the rooms they had set up. You took a seat in the upright sitting chair, that just looked horrible to you. Steve grabbed a seat right next to you, still holding your hand.

“Hi Y/N, how are we doing today?” The same woman in purple scrubs asked.

“Uh, fine.” You replied hastily.

She smiled at you and Steve, and began to describe what was going to happen during the appointment.

Steve chimed in to ask a question, “Does this process hurt at all? Will she be in any pain?”

“Not at all,” the woman replied, “there’s no drills or anything of the sort. It is slightly uncomfortable the days following having the braces on, but the initial part does not hurt.” She reassured. Steve nodded and flashed a tiny smile your way. You forced a smile back his way, but it was clear you still looked nervous.

“Okay! I am going to start by cleaning and then drying your teeth, and the dentist will come in and finish the rest of the process. Sound good?” She stood in front of you explaining. You nodded in agreement, and laid down in the chair ready to accept your fate.

The woman in purple scrubs laid back the chair bringing you to a 160 degree angle. You felt at ease as Steve continued to hold you hand. There was no reason for you to be so nervous, but you were and it was killing you. The woman pulled out a mouth device that looked like a weird shaped circle.

“So this is going to hold open your mouth so that I can see all of your teeth.” The woman told you.

Steve looked at it with confusion, not understanding how something that looked like that would fit into someones mouth.

“Okay, open please!”

You did as instructed. The woman put her gloved hands to fit the device into your mouth, adjusting it until it was in the right position. Steve looked wide eyed at your mouth, baffled that this was a thing. The device was properly placed, and the woman began to clean your teeth as she said she would. This part was painless, but you felt embarrassed in front of Steve, but you knew he didn’t actually care or have judgement towards you.

She finished up her cleaning, and began to dry the teeth so that the braces could be put on. Moments later she was all done with her part.

“Okay! This part is finished. I will go grab the dentist who will be the one putting your braces on, I put a tongue guard in your mouth so that the teeth stay dry. I apologize that it is uncomfortable, but are you in any pain?” The concerned hygienist asked you.

You shook your head no, because you were not in any pain thankfully.

“Great. The dentist will be in shortly.” The hygienist left the room leaving you and Steve alone for a bit.

Steve brought his face to yours, and you felt relaxed just by looking at him.

“Doing okay?” He asked you.

You weren’t able to talk, with the tongue blocker in your mouth and all, so you nodded at him. He let out a comforting smile, and nodded back at you.

“I think if I was a kid in this century, I probably would have gotten braces too before I became a super soldier.” Steve started. “My teeth weren’t straight by any means, but unfortunately dentistry wasn’t as enhanced as it was now, therefore there was nothing anyone could do. After the serum though, they all of a sudden were ridiculously straight and fixed, I was so baffled. Even Bucky noticed when we finally reunited 80 years later” he laughed at this comment, “which was cool.”

“I ‘ish I ‘ould ‘ave ‘ome of the ‘erum.” You tried to get out.

Steve laughed. “I know. But hey, you’re going to have straight perfect teeth like me in a few years, we’ll be twinning.” He was smiling big at this point. You always loved Steve’s smile, and the thought of you having a similar smile made you happy.

Moments later the dentist approached with a handful of tools and equipment.

“Hey everyone, I’m Dr. Blu, but you can just call me Anna!”

“Hey Anna, I’m Steve and this is Y/N.”

She laughed before explaining she knew who both of you were, and not because of the patient file.

“So I’m going to start putting the braces on now, okay? This part is painless, it’s just application with some glue involved, nothing else.” She reassured you. You nodded at her comment, and the dentist began her process. Steve watched the entire thing, amazed by the process.

“You ever have braces Mr. Rogers?” The dentist tried to start a conversation.

He laughed, “No, and we were just talking about that. I told her how after I became a super soldier, my teeth straightened themselves and became what they are now. Before all that, I feel I definitely would have needed them because they were all over the place.”

Anna laughed, “That’s incredible, because I was going to compliment you on them, they’re very straight.”

“Oh wow thank you! Yeah it was more of a miracle.” He joked.

The dentist began putting on the braces on each tooth, and you could feel it, but it didn't hurt. A while later, your entire mouth was filled with metal. You felt as the dentist attached a wire to each of them, finished up putting them on. She did the final touches before finally concluding the process.

“Okay, you are all done!” The dentist spoke as she removed the device from your mouth. You ran your tongue over your teeth, feeling metal squares everywhere. Steve was still looking at you comfortingly while holding your hand. He smiled at you when you met eyes. You smiled back, showing your new set of braces.

“They look cool Y/N.” Steve tried to make you feel better.

“I doubt it, but thanks.” You laughed back.

You were back at the Avengers tower with Steve, and you were nervous about facing everyone now with a mouth full of metal. You were walking in as Peter swung past you, webbing himself everywhere.

“Hey Y/N!” Peter yelled as he was flying around everywhere.

“Hi Peter.” You replied.

You were met with Bucky as he greeted you with a big hug.

“Let me see.” Bucky said with a huge smile. You knew he wouldn’t make fun of you like Steve, so you were comfortable bearing your teeth.

“Damn Y/N, you hold so much power with those on now. I’m a little intimidated you might be the most powerful avenger now.” He was doing his best to make you feel better.

“I’ll never be Carol.” You laughed at his comment, and Steve and Bucky both shrugged.

The three of you made your way to the kitchen, where Tony, Natasha, Carol and Bruce were all mingling. They all stopped talking when they saw you all walk in.

“Hey guys,” looking at Steve and yourself, “where you been?” Tony asked.

You looked at Steve with pleading, worried eyes. You knew it was coming, everyone was going to make fun. You knew Steve could only do so much, so you had to get ready for it.

“I took her to the dentist,” Steve started. You placed your arm across his chest as an attempt to stop him from talking, so that you could.

“I got my braces on.” You bared your teeth to everyone to show them. Steve looked at you confused, but you just shrugged.

“Awe Y/N you look so cute.” Nat said to you.

“They look good Y/N, you're gonna have amazing teeth after it’s done.” Bruce reassured you.

Carol, your mother figure, and the person you admire the most out of everyone on the team, gave you a reassuring nod.

“Oh my god Y/N, where do I start.” Tony was about to take a sip of his drink when Carol zapped the cup with her hands, making the water explode all over him.

“Say something Tony, I dare you.” Carol sternly said to Tony.

Steve and Bucky put their hands over their mouths trying not to laugh. You did the same. Ever since Carol showed up many years later, her and Tony have had an interesting relationship. Tony was always the “one in charge” with the Avengers, since he has all the money and is the one who funded the Avengers tower. But Carol is, the most powerful one of them all and has asserted a certain power in the group, and is highly respected by everyone, with her and Tony having a back and forth thing.

Tony put his hands up as a surrender, “Okay I won’t say anything my god. Y/N you look great.”

You gave him a dirty look as Carol walked over to hug you. Her and Steve looked out for you, and you were grateful for them both.

“How’d it go?” Carol asked you and Steve.

“She did amazing. No issues at all.” Steve told Carol.

Carol smiled at that comment, looking down at you gleefully. You nodded at Steve’s comment, assuring Carol everything went well.

“You’re gonna be ten times more powerful after these are off, because you’ll show up to the battles with those perfect teeth that enemies won’t even want to fight us, they’ll just surrender immediately.” Carol spoke to you.

You laughed at her comment. “Right.” You replied with a grin.

“Thanks for taking her Steve. I know I was supposed to but, you know that superhero life sometimes be in the way.” Carol told Steve.

“Not a problem! It was cool to watch the process of how braces are put on. Something I’d never would have seen in my older days.” Steve explained.

“Yeah true, it’s interesting to watch.” Carol responded.

“Did you ever have braces, Carol?” You asked.

“From what I remember about my childhood, I think I did.” Carol replied.

Steve interjected “Wait really?”

Carol’s face became relaxed. “Oh yeah, the 80/90’s was a revelational point for dental advancements, everyone had them who could afford them. I came across a box of pictures of me from like middle school and I had them on in a few pictures.” She smiled towards you. “Only the best come from improvements.” Carol whispered to you.

“Thanks Carol.” You replied pulling her in for a hug.

“Don’t sweat it, they only hurt for a bit, then you’ll be brand new.” Carol told you.

“Y/N!” You heard being called to you from behind. It was Peter, and he had just realized what was going on.

“You finally got them! Let me see let me see!” Peter exclaimed as he walked fast towards you.

You groaned and showed him your braces. “That’s what I’m talking about! Braces buddies!” He put his hand up to high five you, but you just looked at him with annoyance.

“Sorry,” he said softly. “They do look good though.”

“Thanks Peter, I’m not really a fan of them.” You replied.

Peter was a year older than you, and you guys were best friends. He joined before you, and he made you feel welcome and comfortable when you joined. Months went on when Peter confessed to you that he has romantic feelings for you. You knew you liked girls, so you had to gently let him down because it wasn’t going to happen. He happily backed off, to become your best friend and biggest supporter. You were like siblings, either fighting or getting along really well.

“I know Y/N, but it’ll be over soon. And then you and I will have the straightest teeth of the Avengers.” Peter tried whispering to you.

“Hey,” Steve interjected, “don’t forget about me.”

Everyone laughed, and headed back into the kitchen to sit around and chat, being the loving family that they all are.

[avesagittarius]

lost mal-evolence // 3

part uno     part dos          

WORDCOUNT // 1874                                                                                                                                

summary ! The youngest of the Maximoff siblings had lived through heartbreak twice now. First her parents’ death and then her older siblings’ abandonment. She didn’t know what she’d done wrong, only that she searched for them for 3 years before HYDRA recruited her. She joined them when she learnt Pietro and Wanda had came here after leaving her. Now 6 years after their departure, she was in the process of becoming HYDRA’s best asset ever.

a/n ! okayyy so I wanted you all to know I’m very happy with the response you guys gave me, so here’s part threeeee.  Also note that English isn’t my native language so I understand there may be some grammar mistakes : don’t hesitate to point out any errors

GIMME FEEDBACK PLS :))))

________________________________________________________________

It was friday night, that meant a night off for every Avenger, no exceptions. No work, no hassle and no stress, it was now a rule.

A rule Bruce seemed to love breaking, in secret of course. Especially on nights like these where Tony held his “special” parties, gathering every single celebrity out and about in NYC. Parties where the Avengers usually would have some fun.

But Bruce just couldn’t let this go. It had been a month now, a month of research and a month of failure.

Hydra had been a lot more careful than usual. Their protégée only seemed to go out when needed which wasn’t often and when she did go outside, no one deemed important to take pictures of her.

Of course he couldn’t blame them, Russians didn’t know who she was or what she was capable of. They didn’t know the multiple electrical incidents which had taken place all over the country for the past 2 years were all because of her.

It seemed impossible for Bruce to let go of this case. He needed to find out who that teen was, her powers seemed too incredible and strong to ignore. 

Something that looked about fine to the other members of the team, at least for tonight.

Otherwise, it seemed the disturbingly-powerful mutant had everyone in the Tower pretty frustrated. They were all trying to figure out this investigation.

Although tonight, they had decided it was time to get some fun and free time to try and forget about it for one night at least. Even if for most of them, that meant getting drunk. 

But the one they called ‘The Incredible Hulk’ wasn’t about to give up especially when he felt like he was so close to succeed. 

So that was why, at now 12:14 am, he was doing -as discreetly as he could- researches in the lab.

The party had started at 9 pm and everybody was having fun, that made Tony happy, although he thought maybe it was not spicy enough. People were chatting and some were dancing but other than that, no one was trashing the furniture or tripping in someone else’s vomit, no one was about or already passed out on the couch.

Something wasn’t right, they were supposed to get drunk. It was supposed to be one of Tony Stark’s famous parties. And that meant something.

It usually meant people would be talking about it for weeks following the event, and that if you weren’t invited, well you were truly missing something out of the ordinary.

People weren’t at some pointless gala, they had to let loose.

So as gracefully as he could he tried to sneak in between the groups of people to reach the mighty man in the room. Thor.

Thor had came back the week before the party, he was rather impressed to see the pictures of a little mortal girl, as he called her, who could maybe do the same things as him.

He wanted to meet her, to reassure himself he was stronger than her and that she wasn’t about to steal Mjolnir from him.

When Tony arrived next to Thor, he pushed the man he was talking to to the side so he could be face to face with his friend. Thor frowned but didn’t help the guy who was now slightly disoriented and embarrassed.

“Thor, how are you ?” He took the man’s drink who was there before and drank it all before cringing at the glass’ content.

“I am grea-” Thor was cut mid-sentence.

“That’s fantastic, okay so I need a favor. See this party could use a little more fun, now I was thinking if you could just throw Mjolnir around the room, just a little something so people get all excited about it, then I make an entrance and start giving shots to everyone, so we can really get this party started” Tony was now smiling, he knew Thor couldn’t resist a little show of force.

Thor was contemplating his suggestion. He thought why not show all he could do with a powerful weapon such as his hammer. He was a god after all, these mortals would be impressed.

“I agree to your evil plan” Tony squealed like a small girl.

"Then you go right there and wait for my signal” He nearly ran to the stairs and disappeared after the door closed.

Thor positioned himself, and was ready to throw Mjolnir at any given moment now.

When the song changed from a slow to a very upbeat one, someone turn the volume up. Confused, Thor didn’t know what kind of signal he was waiting for, so naturally he deducted this was it.

He clapped, people turned his way. He took Mjolnir in one hand, they started to worry.

Thor threw his weapon across the room, people started screaming and searched for shelter from this murderous hammer which was now flying along the walls, knocking everything down.

When he caught Mjolnir, the guests started panicking and running towards the elevators, leaving the party all together.

Tony arrived in his Iron Man suit with the mask still off, a tray with shots on one hand. 

His smiling face contorted into a furious one when he saw what was the cause of all this racket if it wasn’t the thrill of the party. He then saw that Thor hadn’t caused the exhilaration of the guests but rather their terror.

“God dammit, what the hell were you thinking ? I didn’t give the signal” He was pacing, after having thrown his tray at Thor who had just dodged it that is.

Natasha, Pietro and the others were seated on the various couches. Some sighed and others almost looked relieved that this party was finally over -cough-Clint-cough-. 

As Thor was about to respond, Bruce arrived running in the now destroyed living room.

His pace slowed down when seeing the small amount of people and the damages that had been done to the room. His first appearance of the night attracted the rest of the team’s attention.

Especially Tony’s.

He pointed an accusing finger towards his lab partner “And where were you Mister ‘I-think-I-can-skip-this-party-and-go-unnoticed’ ? Does anyone get that we were supposed to have fun ?”

The glare that burnt the side of Thor’s head didn’t seem to bother him.

Bruce was still lost and for a moment he forgot why he was running in the first place.

“Guys !” he shouted and everyone stood still for a second.

“Guys, I...., I, wait” he stood straight and regained his breathing “I found her”

Most of the others began frowning, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Most of them. 

But not Bucky.

Bucky hadn’t been able to sleep correctly since he had found out about the girl. She was detained in the same facility as he had been and he couldn’t help but worry for her safety. He didn’t want a kid to go through the same things he had been.

He desperately wanted to help, but he wasn’t good with technology and he knew he would have been more of a liability than a help.

He stood up, making Steve frown.

“Who is she ?” He asked rather demanding.

Catching up with the subject, everyone stood up and started asking questions. Once more, the living room was a chaotic uproar.

Tony wasn’t angry anymore, he asked FRIDAY to get the suit back to its chamber and started walking towards the lab before Bruce placed a hand on his chest, preventing him from going any further.

He frowned and opened the mouth to speak but Bruce beat him to it “Guys, before we go and you all see who she is, I think it’s safe to say that some people owe us an explanation” 

Looking directly at Pietro and Wanda, he felt angry and disappointed even if his gaze was more confused than anything else.

Following his eyes, everyone turned to look at the twins who couldn’t look more baffled. “What ?” they asked in unison. 

“Follow me” sighed Bruce.

Once they had all taken a seat in the conference room, where they had discussed the subject for the first time, Bruce projected an image on the wall.

It showed a young girl, dark chesnut hair which fell just below her shoulders. Her eyes, a weird mix of green and hazel, had this look. A look which didn’t usually belong to a teenager. 

It was a mix of anger, hurt, and determination. The picture showed the teen walking behind Hydra soldiers, she was dressed in poor clothing and the picture was dated from 2 years ago.

Strangely enough, she seemed a bit familiar to most of the Avengers. It’s like they had seen her before but couldn’t pinpoint who she was.

Mere seconds after the display of the picture, Bruce got the reaction he awaited from the twins. 

Wanda gasped, her hand flying to her mouth and Pietro clenched his jaw. Their opposed hands joining so they could hold each other, while they processed what they were seeing.

“What ? You guys know who she is ?” Tony was frantic. But incredibly relieved that they finally had some more info on the girl.

Wanda felt her whole world shift underneath her, it was as if she was reaching for something to hold onto but kept on falling over and over again.

Her eyes watering, she held back a sob. There she was, right before her, her baby sister. The one she thought she’d lost was in reality alive.

She whispered, her voice quivering “Amalya”.

Pietro’s fists were clenched too, it felt like his entire body had been frozen. He couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything. The only thing he could do was look at his little sister walking away willingly with bad and evil people.

He knew that he was somewhat responsible for this.

“Guys, you have to tell everyone, they deserve to know. I mean you should have told everyone a couple years ago” For what felt like the millionth time tonight, Bruce sighed, he couldn’t believe his theory turned out to be right.

His comment infuriated Wanda, she stood up, red glowing magic dancing furiously around her. Her red eyes now fixated on Bruce.

“Wanda you have to calm down, whatever this is we can sort it out” Steve was trying to release some of the tension that was suffocating the room, he didn’t like to see his friends fighting.

But he had to admit she looked extremely scary.

“We thought she was dead” Her voice cracking. “Dead”

She turned towards the table and the confused member of the team, regaining her composure, she sniffed and blinked back the tears that were threatening to flow down her cheeks.

“She’s Amalya Maximoff, our little sister”, Wanda let herself fall back into the chair, as if her body had been drained of energy. 

Pietro leaned towards his twin-sister and hugged her close.

While the shock was visible on some of the faces who still hadn’t put the pieces back together yet, everyone was trying to process the news.

There was another Maximoff.

And she was involved with Hydra, same as the others had been.

Things couldn’t possibly get more complicated. At least, that’s what they thought.

part 4

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@susan-is-in-the-house

[mayonara]

Thanksgiving and Leaves

Damian is stuck watching Dick for a while and Dick teaches him how to play with leaves. By jumping in them.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Also posted on AO3

Happy Thanksgiving all!

"Damian."

The young teen sighed heavily from hearing his name being called. "Yes?" he answered as he teared his attention away from the TV and met Jason's gaze.

"Can you watch Dick?" Jason asked and strode towards the young teen who was lounging in the living room. "I'm going to help Alfred with cooking," he said and held the boy out to pass over to Damian.

"I suppose I can entertain tiny Grayson," Damian huffed and stretched out his arms to receive the fidgeting child.

"Dami!" Dick cried out in delight and immediately latched onto the young teen.

"Good. Make sure he behaves and don't spoil his dinner."

Damian arched a brow at his remark, confused by it. Jason all but sighed and rolled his eyes before narrowing them at the innocent giggling Dick. "That one—" he said and pointed. "Is going to attempt to use his childish charms to coerce you into feeding him. Don't listen to him," Jason warned. "I mean it."

Damian didn't see anything wrong with it, but he wasn't exactly looking to be reprimanded by Jason so he agreed. Besides, it'd be too much work to attempt to steal from Alfred and risk getting yelled at by the butler. So he nodded his head in agreement and Jason gave him a slight nod before he disappeared.

Damian sighed softly and moved the boy to set him down onto the couch. "Tiny Grayson," he called and the boy's eyes perked up, blinking rapidly.

"Yes?" He smiled wide and was completely full of energy.

"I'm watching a show and you are joining me," he said and wasn't about to change the channel for Dick. He was in the middle of a very important show and was determined to finish it.

Dick's eyes widen and he cocked his head to the side in confusion. He didn't seem to understand much of what Damian was saying. "Can I watch cawtoon?"

"No," Damian shook his head. "Were you listening?"

"No?" Dick said and wiggled his nose. "I want cawtoon."

"No."

Dick puffed up his cheeks and kicked up his legs. "Can I have pie?"

"Todd said no to desserts."

"But pie. Pwease?" Dick looked up at the boy with pouty lips and googly eyes, trying to win him over with his sad face. But that wasn't going to exactly work on Damian. At least, he wouldn't allow it too.

"No means no."

Dick sighed. "Ice cweam?"

"No."

"Cake?!"

"No."

"Dami mean!" Dick huffed and threw his body onto the couch, curling into a ball as he threw a tantrum. "Mean! I want pie! Cake! Ice cweam! Cookies!"

Damian flinched from the sudden screaming, shocked that Dick was acting like a brat or well, being one. He wasn't always this way, but sometimes he did get moody and lately, he was becoming more disobedient than usual.

"I said no," Damian said and held firm. He was tasked with not letting Dick spoil his appetite before the Thanksgiving meal and he was going to hold himself to that.

Dick continued whining, murmuring words of 'I want' and listing a list of desserts and sweets. Damian could only sigh and turned around to place his attention back on his show while ignoring the boy. He left him alone to himself, letting him cry and call Damian names by telling he's mean and the like. Which didn't exactly bother him.

Eventually, the boy calmed down as his whines fell silent and he shuffled up from where he was curled on the couch and climbed onto Damian's lap.

Damian breathed under his breath and titled his head down to look at the boy, found bright blue eyes staring at him adoringly. "Yes?"

"Can I pway outside?"

Damian gave him a look, the 'are you crazy look.' "What are you going to do outside?"

"Pway with weaves!"

"Leaves?"

"Weaves!" Dick exclaimed and giggled adorably as he bounced in Damian's lap, excited at the thought of playing with leaves. But Damian wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that.

"Why leaves?" He was confused. Why did Dick want to play with leaves? What was so fun with that?

Dick blinked his pretty blue eyes, long eyelashes fluttering as he stared at the young teen in interest. "You dunno?"

Baffled, Damian sputtered. "Tt. Of course I do." He really didn't though he wasn't about to admit to it. "Let us go outside then," he mumbled and Dick clapped his hands in excitement. Damian lifted the boy carefully into his arms as Dick wrapped his arms around his neck, holding on tight.

On the way to the backyard, he grabbed Dick's hat, shoes and a jacket to keep him warm from the chill wind of Gotham. He didn't want the poor kid to catch a cold. And he wasn't up for getting blamed by his father or any of the other members for getting his 'oldest' brother sick.

Once Damian had Dick all suited up and ready to play outside, they strolled into the backyard. The air was cold and sent a shiver down Damian's spine. He could just see his breath every time he breathed as white puffs of air flew from his lips. At least the weather was clear for the most part with just a few clouds fluttering about in the sky.

Damian kept a close eye on Dick and watched as he toddled over towards the tiny pile of leaves. "Dami!" He called for the young teen and Damian all but sighed as he dragged himself towards the boy. Dick turned around on his heels and peered up at his brother as he held out his palm. "Need."

Damian just stared at him. "What?"

"Need thing! To-to make weaves!"

Damian still didn't get what Dick was trying to do so he thought he'd just ask instead of letting himself keep guessing. "What is it that you want to do?"

"Jump! I wanna jump in weaves. Pwease?"

"You...wouldn't that hurt?" He pinched his brows in concern and slightly confused.

Dick then gasped loudly, realizing that Damian probably didn't know what he was trying to get at. "No hurt! You make um—this--" he said as he made a gesture, using his hands to draw out the shape of a large mound. "Big! And—and then jump!" He squeaked and moved to replicate the move by jumping lightly.

Ah. Damian understood now. Dick wanted to make a large pile of leaves to jump into. Though he couldn't really see the fun in that, but figured he'd go with it anyways. Anything to calm the boy down and satisfy his need.

"Okay," Damian replied and went off to find some rakes. He found a few and grabbed one for himself and a smaller size one for Dick to use since he might want to help. Well, he looked like he was itching to help with how he was kicking at the leaves and trying to form the mound.

When Damian returned, he found Dick already picking up leaves with his bare hands and dropping them into a small pile he was creating. Damian huffed a breath and shook his head at the boy. He went up to his side and stopped him mid-way to hand him the rake so he wouldn't have to dirty his hands any further.

"Use this," Damian instructed.

Dick beamed at him and took the rake. "Okay!" he cheered and then got back to work as he tried to rake the leaves towards his small pile he was building.

The two worked in relative silence and Damian was doing most of the work which he expected to do. Dick was helping and while his contribution wasn't much his effort was well appreciated.

Finally, they finished and made two large mounds, one for each. Dick's was a little bit thicker because Damian wanted to ensure there was enough cushion and leverage so the boy wouldn't injure himself.

"Okay," Damian said and dropped the rakes off to the side. "Tiny Grayson," he called and found Dick about to run towards the pile, but stopped when his name was called.

"Hm?"

"Run and then jump?"

Dick nodded his head vigorously. "Run and jump!" He screamed and hopped up and down, too excited.

Damian scrunched his nose, readying himself for partaking in such a silly event. Jumping in leaves. Tt. It was such a childish thing to do and it was unsanitary as well. Though Damian supposed he would entertain the boy just this once. Besides, he was maybe a little interested.

"Count!" Dick exclaimed and Damian stared at him, not one bit amused, but the boy was grinning and Damian couldn't very well ignore his cute plea.

So he sighed and started counting. "One."

They both lined up so they were evenly spread out and readied themselves.

"Two."

And at this point Dick was babbling about how excited he was.

"Three!"

And off they went. The two dashed towards the pile of leaves and with just a few feet before, they jumped off the ground and leapt forward, falling onto the large mountain of reds, yellows and oranges. The leaves exploded in a loud poof as it all dispersed, fluttering about in the sky as they slowly fell back to the ground.

Damian blinked rapidly as he lay on his back, staring up at the clear sky. From beside him, he could hear the boy laughing aloud, giggling with such fun and then shouting, "Again!"

And strangely enough, the corner of Damian's lips slowly curled into a mischievous smile and he laughed softly to himself. "Yeah, let's go again."

And again they went, over and over until it was time to feast.

----

"Holy shit," Jason muttered which earned him a dirty glare from Bruce, telling him to mind his language. But he was too distracted to really care about getting lectured during the Thanksgiving meal since he was too amazed by how much Dick was eating. "Dickie, you're eating so much."

Dick said nothing but smiled as he stuffed his mouth full of mashed potatoes.

"Just let him eat," Tim said and waved Jason off as he grabbed a piece of turkey for Dick who was pointing at it.

"Yeah, I know, but like—where does it all go?" Jason asked in wonder and gawked at his tiny little boyfriend whose cheeks were filled to the brim, chewing loudly as he was still trying to shovel more food in.

"He's a growing boy," Stephanie added and took a sip of her cider. The girls were also present, Cassandra, Stephanie and Barbara, joining them for a Thanksgiving meal. Although Barbara's visit would be brief as she had to spend the rest of the day with her father.

Sure, what they said was true, but Dick was eating way more than usual. Like he was starving or expended too much energy and needed sustenance to refuel himself. His plate was packed full of mashed potatoes and gravy, some stuffing and turkey. A few sides here and there and he'd eaten it all. Well it was a child's size plate but still, the boy wanted more and was eating with one hand while he reached out with the other.

"Dickiebird," Jason called.

Dick blinked up at Jason with his mouth wide open. He was sitting right beside him on a booster seat since he was too tiny to fill a large chair himself. "Uh huh?" he answered with a mouth full.

Jason sighed and reached over to fix how he was holding his spoon since the boy had it gripped as if he was about to stab something. "Chew with your mouth closed," he said and tapped his mouth softly.

Dick sealed his lips shut and chewed as he nodded his head. "It's yummy!"

"And don't talk with your mouth full."

Dick nodded once more and continued eating his meal in piece as the others did as well while cooing over him.

And well, he supposed it was too cute of a picture to pass by so he let himself do whatever. He just hoped Dick wasn't going to throw it all back up in the middle of the night from over stuffing himself.

...yeah, he really hoped so.

[lintskukka]

The Fine Skill of Keeping Up with Appearances

Summary: Selina is left alone in a fancy gala and she meets someone she didn't expect, billionaire brat Bruce Wayne who certainly didn't expect to see her.

→ Read on Fanfiction.net

→ Read on AO3

A/N: I just want my children to be happy. One shot and part one of Baby BatCat appreciation.

“So where’s Bruce Wayne?”

Selina turned to look at the man who spoke behind her. He wasn’t talking to her, no, she mostly went unnoticed by Gotham’s so called elite, which was useful. Barbara Kean once told her that she was beautiful and that she could use her appearance as a weapon. Back then she didn’t understand what she meant but now, as she got older she started to realize the potential hidden behind pretty dresses and empty smiles. Ivy really took that concept and ran with it. Selina however found that sometimes going unnoticed was really the best option.

The man was talking to his associates, all boring looking business men. Selina guessed them to be here for a possibility to get their hands on Wayne Enterprises. Bruce was young and naïve, she had heard them say. Selina had once agreed with them. The kid was in over his head but somehow he had manage to grow and survive, hell he even required some street cred which was easier said than done, especially in Gotham.

“I’ve heard he is going after some powerful people.” Other man said to the first. Selina couldn’t help but smile. They had no idea how right they were.

Selina looked for Tabitha but didn’t see her. It was hers and Barbara’s idea to go to this party, get potential customers but Selina being under drinking age was left here to watch their back. Selina was pretty sure adding underage drinking to her criminal record wouldn’t change much plus the two same women were training and helping her to find her place in Gotham’s criminal underbelly but she was really not that bothered by their decision. Here they had free food and ton of potential people to pickpocket and get some extra cash.

Selina let her eyes wander around the room. Nothing special, this place was no Iceberg Lounge. Just regular corrupted business men trying to get back on top. Something caught her eye however. Large amount of people had started to gather in middle of the room despite there being no special reason that Selina was aware of. Curious, she followed the stream of people to see what all the fuzz was about. The business men had also moved to the center of the room.

Selina has seen some pretty weird stuff in her life. She is working with a woman who came back from dead after all and that seems to be a regular thing that just happens in Gotham. Her old best-friend also aged up from weird kid to even weirder woman in under a day so Selina had assumed she had seen it all. Nothing could shock her anymore. City turns to madness? More than once. Someone tried to kill her? Must be Tuesday. But this was whole another level of crazy.

The one and only Bruce Wayne was standing in middle of the group gathered around him, laughing his ass off at something that Selina didn’t know. Selina had never ever heard him laugh like that, especially in public. He was always too busy brooding in the dark to act normal but this was definitely not normal. He was leaning to some very stern man who looked like he would rather be in anywhere else than here. Bruce was leaning on him heavily, trying to stay on his feet.

“Ah, Mister Wayne, me and my colleagues have been looking for you.” The man who Selina heard talking earlier hold out his hand for Bruce to take.

“And now you have found me. Please don’t tell me you have some boring business stuff you want to talk about. I thought I hired people to take care of things like that for me.” Bruce waved his hand dismissively in front of the business man who looked baffled. Selina shared his feeling. Bruce Wayne was many things but this was not one of them. It must be the Bruce’s clown. He had gone mad.

Memory of him pushing her out of a window was still fresh on Selina’s mind when the clone-Bruce noticed her. A flick of recognition lighted up his eyes only for a second. Then his smile grew even bigger.

“Ah, there is my good friend Selina Kyle! Come over here, would you.” He lend his hand and winked at her.

Perhaps the first time in forever, Selina was completely loss of words. Not sure what to do, she stepped out closing herself off to clone-Bruce and looked at him confused. Clone-Bruce took his hand and lifted it up showing it around proudly.

“Isn’t she a beauty? Selina is one of my dearest friends yes, none of that dull talk of responsibilities and rules unlike all of you. Why won’t we dance?” Clone-Bruce continued his cocky attitude. Other guests looked confused but none of them wanted to upset the teenage-billionaire.

“There is no music.” Selina tried to squirm out of the odd situation.

Clone-Bruce clapped his hands and low and behold, cheery music started playing. He turned to Selina, placed his other hand around her waist and led her to a dance. People around them looked as lost as Selina felt but followed their lead never the less. When they weren’t center of attention anymore Clone-Bruce’s expression changed.

“Sorry about that.” He said still sounding cheerful.

“What the hell is this about? What have you done to real Bruce?” Selina threatened him.

Clone-Bruce looked at her confused. “Real Bruce…” Then he understood. “I am real Bruce. I am not him, Selina. That was just an act. Something Alfred and I came up with.”

Selina looked skeptical. “You seemed like…”

“Like a billionaire brat?” He finished her sentence.

Selina nodded, still not convinced. “How do I know you are the real Bruce?”

“Ask me something that only the real Bruce would know?” He proposed.

“Fine.” Selina thought of it for a moment. “What did you say to me after I first kissed you?”

“Nothing. You left before giving me time to react.” Bruce answered, now back to his normal self. Maybe it was a real Bruce after all. Selina was still not convinced.

“How did I told you I knew you were the real Bruce? Back…”

“You told me I was too boring to be anyone else than me.” Bruce chuckled. “I am sensing a pattern with these questions.”

Selina rolled her eyes. Yep, it had to be Bruce, no-one else was this annoying while still making Selina feel like little butterflies were fluttering around inside her stomach. Not that she would ever admit that out loud of course.

“Shut up.” She said. They danced around for a bit Bruce still looking annoyingly satisfied which, even more annoyingly, made Selina smile.

“Why the act then. You never bothered with it before.” She asked to get her mind off of his stupidly good-looking face. Selina had to remember that she still was mad at him.

“Just something that will confuse others, I guess.” He said avoiding Selina’s eyes. She went after that weakness like a shark who had just smelled a drop of blood.

“Why would you need to confuse others?” She asked stepping closer to him. Before it might have made Bruce blush but he had grown up since the first days they met.

“You tell me, Selina. You are the one who is constantly switching sides and loyalties. Fish, Penguin, Tabitha and now Barbara…” He listed.

Selina was tempted to get mad at him but she knew there was no malice behind his words. If he wanted to hurt her he would go with a different rout. “I see your point.”

The son finished and another one started. This time it was less cheery but Bruce and Selina continued dancing anyway. Selina had no idea where the music was coming from, she saw no band earlier but maybe Bruce had made up a one from thin air with money or something.

“You look very beautiful, Selina.” Bruce said after some silence. Selina resisted a smile.

“Thanks. You are getting better at this.” She said.

“At what?” Bruce asked.

“Talking to girls.” She poked fun of.

It was Bruce’s turn to roll his eyes. “You just can’t resist to poke fun of me, can’t you?”

This time Selina smiled. “Someone has to.”

They moved across the floor with comfortable silence. Other couples were whispering around them but none dared to interrupt their moment.

“Are we cool now?” Bruce asked.

“No, I am still mad at you.” Selina said.

“You don’t seem mad.” Bruce pointed out.

“Weren’t you the one who was talking about keeping up an act?” Selina shot back a grin on her lips.

Just as Bruce was about to answer his eyes went from Selina’s to behind her. He let her go taking couple steps back. “See you around, Selina.” He said.

Selina turned to see what he was looking at and saw that Tabitha and Barbara had returned. She looked back to where Bruce was standing just to find him disappeared to a thin air. She frowned but let the matter go and returned to her partners in crime. It had been an evening full of surprises, something that Selina should get used to. At least this night had been fun, Selina thought as she left with Tabitha and Barbara still seeing no trace of Bruce.

[ibmiller]

Steph meta, a large chunk of it

(This essay was originally going to be a reblog of @secretlystephaniebrown’s post  but the tale, as they say, grew in the telling, so I’ve posted it here instead). In my experience, there are general trends among fans whose favorite character is Steph. Many of these trends flow from which version of Steph is normative to your experience of her history. There are those who have loved Steph since her first appearance in Detective Comics and through Dixon’s 100 issues of Robin. A strong contingent loves Jon Lewis’s quiet, weird run on Robin as “peak Steph” (you can always spot these fans because they love mashed potatoes and eggplant). And, of course, there is my own subsect - those who truly fell in love with her as Batgirl.

I’d been aware of Steph for some time. I remember reading about her brave handling of her pregnancy in the library’s copy of the DC character guide in the early 2000s. Batgirl #27 gave me a fairly negative opinion of her as a whiner (a large part of why I really dislike that comic after going back and reading all of Steph’s history, despite the lovely Phil Noto art). And then I read Steph’s tragic, idiotic death and aftermath as the trades of War Games and War Crimes came out in Books-a-Million while I was at university, far from home. Years passed. I embraced the Birds of Prey under Gail Simone (thanks again to my local library), caught the mentions of Steph’s death in Dinah’s inner monologues. I was aware of Steph’s return in the back of my head - I distinctly remember reading the Robin/Spoiler Special in the comic store when it came out, and then the following issues where Steph struggled with the fallout of Batman RIP.

When I picked up the first issue of Batgirl, and read that Steph was taking on the cowl, I felt a real but still muted sense of “finally, she’s arrived.” As the series went along, and I started following it more and more closely, I was hooked. Steph was now my very favorite character - so much so that when the new 52 hit, erasing Steph from existence with no explanation for three long and bitter years, I pretty much left most of comics fandom completely, only to return along with Steph when Batman Eternal hit the stands.

Obviously, someone like me, who came to Steph’s early appearances in Robin at first piecemeal, and then in a burst, but only after her zenith in her own solo series, will have a very different idea of what Steph’s normative traits are than someone whose Steph was set by Dixon or Lewis. Bryan Q. Miller is (or at least was at that stage in his career, as his Smallville episodes and comics show) very much in the cheerful, heartfelt storytelling mode, whereas Dixon drew much more from the noir tradition, and Lewis from a strange blend of YA and new weird-esque scifi. I especially

I have great respect for Steph fans who were privileged to meet her early. Who loved her from the start, grew up alongside her. But just like fans are rightly offended when instead of being welcomed, their enthusiasm is questioned or mocked because it is nascent and not full grown, I don’t think fans like myself, who see Steph’s career as a trajectory leading to Batgirl, are lesser than those who see her golden age at a different spot - or vice versa. What’s more, to say that Steph’s run as Batgirl strips her of all that makes her interesting rubs me really wrong - to say that the character I fell in love with is uninteresting just doesn’t square with my experience. Though Steph has a great supporting cast, with Babs, Wendy, and Detective Gage, and fantastic guest roles in Damian, Klarion, and Squire, unlike many solo series, Steph is definitely the most engaging figure in her own series.

(Side note: There are plenty of critics and fans who make comments like, “I wish Black Mask could meet Steph again.” This essay is not for them. If you didn’t like Steph in the past, and don’t like her now, the conversation I would have with you would be completely different. And likely very short.)

The most consistent theme I see with those who dispute Steph’s run as Batgirl as being normative for her character is that Steph has lost her anger that was so prominent in her early appearances. To some extent, there is justice in this claim. Steph is a cheery, upbeat, optimistic character as Batgirl, prefiguring later successes like Kamala Khan, and she doesn’t have nearly as many prominent displays of the kind of rage that led her to almost kill her father, or later visit him in prison, dolled up to the nines just to beat the ever living daylights out of him. However, my response to this claim is twofold: 1) I do not think that Steph is an angry person, but rather a person in very rough circumstances, who had a temper, but was generally a cheerful and upbeat person; 2) to say that Steph’s anger NEVER shows up in Batgirl is simply factually incorrect. To take these in reverse order (since the second is a lesser claim that hinges upon the assumption that Steph’s anger is fundamental to her character rather than largely circumstantial):

As Batgirl, Steph expresses varying levels of anger towards four people - Damian, Tim, Bruce, and Cluemaster. Though she does eventually come to a warmer relationship with the first three, she still expresses very distinct and sharp anger with all three of them. Her “HATE” as she storms away from Damian may be played for comedy, but it’s consistent with the sheer level of animosity and frustration she expresses for the first three issues in which they work together. Her first meeting with Tim in the crossover “Collision” is marked by very harsh words on both sides, and when Christopher Yost takes over the writing in that storyline, she gives Tim a well-deserved piece of her mind for his injuries going back many months. As for Bruce - we all know and love that fantastic slap. However, the key moment of narration of the issue is “Bruce never gave me a fair shot,” overlaying an image of Steph being fired as Robin. Though Steph is willing to forgive Bruce, her anger remains (hinted at again in Batgirl #22, when the slap is referenced again) part of that relationship.

Lastly, of course, there’s the final confrontation with Cluemaster. And here’s where the claim that Steph’s anger is nowhere present in her time as Batgirl really baffles me. Steph’s hostility to her father remains total and intense from beginning to end, in expression and violence. She even finds her cheerful “I know, right” catchphrase poisoned by hearing her father use it. Her last line to her father, while brave and upbeat, as Steph generally is during her time as Batgirl, is a wonderful and completely knowing callback to her original motivation for becoming a hero - “So sorry to SPOIL your fun.” It’s a final triumph, harnessing the rage which once impelled her to choke him with a chain, or beat him in a cell, and now drives her to capture him with her gooperang.

With all four of these key points in Steph’s Batgirl run forming the basis for my minor counterargument, I do acknowledge that Steph is a significantly less angry person as Batgirl than her early time in Detective Comics or Robin. That’s probably in large part because Bryan Q. Miller just isn’t a writer who digs into the darkness of his heros as much - but also because Miller was deliberately writing a hero who is coming into her own in a major way after a lot of history on the sidelines. Steph doesn’t struggle with not killing villains, as she did in the Final Night issue of Robin or her Detective Comics issue where she went up against Zsasz as Robin. She doesn’t express rage in her fights against most of her other villains, from Scarecrow, to Roxy Rocket, even the despicable Reaper gang of bored kids who turn their nihilistic laziness into murderous rampage.

But that segues into my main counterargument: I do not think that Steph’s anger is a defining trait, but is instead a strongly circumstantial trait. Steph expresses great rage against those who personally betrayed her - her father, her uncle, her gymnastics coach - but when fighting villains without that personal connection, like Lynx, Scarab, and countless gang-bangers, she usually displays a happy enthusiasm for life and her work as a hero. The occasional moments of desperate rage, like wanting to leave a murderous thug to die in the snow during Final Night, or using a potentially lethal move against the fathomless evil of Zsasz, are very rare (and let’s not get into my frustration that despite my enjoyment of the Zsasz issue, Gabrych having Steph re-learn the same moral lesson that she’d previously embraced does not sit well with me). While I can see the argument that “Steph’s anger is a defining trait,” I think my own reading, that Steph has a temper, but generally has a sunny outlook on life is at least equally valid.

(Another side note: the question of when Steph learns people’s identities has always fascinated me. I firmly believe there’s a good chance that Steph didn’t know Batman was Bruce Wayne until her “death”, at which point Leslie told her pretty much everything. She never calls Batman “Bruce” or is shown in the same place as him without the cowl when she’s Robin, and the fact that she doesn’t know who Matches Malone is indicates to me that there’s a good chance she doesn’t know Bruce is Batman either. Perhaps a bit far fetched? But I think there’s no real way to prove that she DOES know the truth from the information given.)

With my main point made, I want to move onto some defenses of Steph’s current journey, specifically in the hands of James Tynion IV. I think a key element to understanding Steph’s relationship to Batman in n52 and Rebirth continuity is that while Jason’s (and Damian’s) deaths have a profound impact on Batman, both Jason and Damian are ALIVE again, and that has gone a long way towards healing the part of Bruce that wanted to protect Steph by shoving her out of the life of the hero. With that gone, Bruce does want to take in the various young heros in Gotham and give them the best chance he can to be the best heroes possible. With that background on Bruce’s part, unless Tynion wanted to make Bruce a giant sexist and have him say “no girls allowed” to Steph, the conflict between Steph and Bruce leading to Steph being an outsider simply couldn’t be a one-sided idiocy on Batman’s part.

And so we get a long, carefully constructed distrust sown between Steph and Batman. First, the trauma of seeing a nightmarish Batman assault her father as a ten year old (Batman Eternal #10), followed by her belief that Bruce Wayne (of Batman Incorporated) is Lincoln March, the force behind her father’s reign of terror on Gotham. She then spends a large amount of her first several months, possibly a year, as Spoiler in a Gotham where Batman has disappeared and been replaced with JimBats. Current Steph simply doesn’t have the same foundation of trust with Batman that previous Steph did. No ridealongs to fight creepy bug people, no one on one training alongside Batgirl and Robin. Just a giant blue Bat-bunny and some training from the Robins and her new friend Harper.

Which brings me to another major point of contention I have with some trends in Steph fandom: her relationship with Tim. A lot of Steph fans view her relationship with Cass as the defining relationship in her life. And I would never, ever want to say that Cass and Steph didn’t powerfully impact each other’s lives - Steph learning so much from Cass, and Cass seeing Steph as she dies in her final confrontation with her mother, clearly demonstrate how important that relationship is. But for various reasons, Steph’s relationship with Tim is ignored by many fans. Was the way Tim treated Steph (and Helena and even Babs) over the issue of his secret identity pretty crummy? Absolutely. But for the span of 128 issues, Steph was part of Tim’s cast, and her main relationship in life was with him - and it was often a beautiful one. Tim���s growing attraction to her, his support of her during her pregnancy, him sticking by her as Bruce played hot and cold with her training - there’s so much to love about it. And as much as Cass was shafted by the way Steph became Batgirl, and I think her relationship with Steph merited much more than it got during that series, I think the way her relationship with Tim was handled was just as frustrating. (I don’t want to make this into a major flaw of the series - there are reasons Tim couldn’t appear in Batgirl very often, and Miller did a solid job of writing a character arc for the two that explained it in universe - but I would have appreciated a few more appearances by him than just one, just as Steph popped into the Red Robin series every now and then.) I think too many fans see Tim as a weight that Steph needs to shed to become a great hero, but I think Tim was a great force for good in Steph’s life and career as a hero. Not a perfect one - that would be poor characterization of both Steph and Tim - but more than just dead weight that I feel many, many Steph fans treat him as.

With that background, I look at the restoration of Tim and Steph’s romantic relationship in Rebirth as a major plus. It’s not a perfect restoration - the criticism that it’s pretty blandly sweet, rather than the rocky, complicated, loveable coupling we see over the 20 years of their history previously, is spot on - and there was almost no setup (except for the adorable panel of Tim crushing on her at the end of Batman Eternal, which artist David Lafuente putting a heart into the uncolored pencils :). A huge part of the criticism of Steph’s current arc revolves around how she shouldn’t be so brokenhearted over Tim’s death - but I think that’s a really silly argument. Balancing Steph as an independent character vs. a supporting character for Tim is something that I think Tynion probably will struggle with, but I very much think that 1) her love for Tim is emotionally engaging and sweet, and thus her sorrow and rage feels quite understandable, and 2) a big reason Tynion is telling the story of Steph striking out on her own is so that she has more accomplishment under her belt when Tim comes back, so she doesn’t fall into the role of “Tim’s girlfriend.” I want Tim and Steph to be together - I’m a longtime TimSteph shipper, obviously - but I want her to have her own arcs and goals, so I think that her current plotline will be a big step in the right direction.

Which brings us to the third main point of this essay (point one being about Steph’s anger, point two being about Steph and Tim): Steph’s rejection of Batman leading to her status as outsider to the Batfamily. To me, even as Batgirl, Steph is defined much more by her independence and status as not in the innermost circle of the Batfamily, rather than her anger. As mentioned before, Batman couldn’t just be the jerk he was in the 90s, telling Steph to stop or firing her. So how could Tynion write a story about her being an outsider now? She would have to have a reason - and he gave her two. First, the way Steph and Bruce handle the grief of Tim’s death. Second, Steph trying to find what kind of hero she wants to be. Both of these do mean that Steph is making mistakes, even becoming hypocritical in criticizing Batman’s mission while using the exact same tactics. But I don’t think it’s a case of Tynion saying, “Oh, look how dumb Steph is.” This is Tynion having Steph take control of her own career. Her outsider status is no longer the result of being controlled by Batman or Tim. Steph has agency in her status - she chose it, and she will return when she chooses, on her own terms. She’s also very much a competent hero - perhaps a bit overly so, by taking down Wrath with really superior tactics and psychology, and the whole team in a very Batman vs. the Justice League way in Victim Syndicate. There are hints of her former struggles in Rise of the Batmen when she sets off all the explosives at once, and her fight against Anarky in the second issue of Utopia was pretty poorly written, but on the whole, this Steph is in no danger of being fired for failure - and that, too, is part of her agency.

As for the fears of War Games - people have been predicting that Steph’s plots are a reimagining of War Games since Batman Eternal (myself included). At this point, I think Tynion is not super interested in retelling that story. There may be some elements that parallel that horrible storyline (even though I will say that Devin Grayson’s and Brubaker’s parts for Steph are affecting, and Steph’s death scene gives me one of my favorite lines, “Part of the legend,” which I will bring up ANY TIME someone says Steph wasn’t Robin), but I think Tynion is more interested in telling a new Steph story.

Which brings me to my closing point: Steph’s storyline has some problems. It’s basically her turning a bit into “stop having fun guy” by telling Batman he’s doing it wrong, and she’s also a hypocrite because she’s using the same tactics constantly. But the suggestions I hear instead seem almost always to be “recreate the fun parts of her previous history and give her new fun relationships.” People (rightly) want her to restore her bond with Cass, and to grow closer to Jason and Duke.

All of these are fun, and I would love to see them, but they’re the actions of a supporting character in someone else’s story. What Tynion is telling is very much Steph’s own story, with her taking control and having the right to make mistakes without being punished for them. She’ll deal with the consequences on her own terms. So far, her story has had ups and downs, but it is Steph’s story, and I for one am following it with great enthusiasm and enjoyment (though hopefully with fewer guest-writers).

[candy-corps]

From Here On

Grace and Ezayne belong to @mygardenofmuses​ 

"Thanks for coming" Bruce said for about the 5th time by now. Really though, it was nice of Grace to come all the way to the cabaret on such a short notice. There was just something about Damien earlier that didn't sit well with the batman. The sooner they talked, the better it was. Bruce put a cooled smoothie on her side of the table before he sat on his own, another one in his hands.

"Aw, a strawberry smoothie? Hehe. Thank you, Bruce. It's all good, really" Grace accepted the drink with a smile. To be true, she didn't have much work to do these months. The summer campaign was over, and the first photoshoots for the upcoming fall season were finished easily. With so much work done, she was already planning to go on vacation,  though she hadn't decided where to go yet. Until then, she was happy to chill at home and talk with friends, like him. "So, how have you been? It's been a while since last time I saw you!"

It would take a while until he gathered the courage to graze the topic he meant to graze, so Grace' question was more than welcome. "When's the last time we met ... " Bruce wondered. There'd been a lot of things going on. "Um ... the store's doing good."

"That's good! I heard from Ezayne you opened a candy shop. He recommended it to me, but I was very busy in the last months  and couldn't get there.  Hope you understand." Grace smiled and took a short sip from the smoothie.

"Sure" Bruce promised, smiling a little. So she heard of it. "Chances are you'd just met Izaic. He's working there most of the time. I ... I'm not so good with people." In case Grace didn't notice yet. Bruce took a sip of his drink - it was a purple, berry smoothie. "And I've been away, actually." Getting closer to the actual topic.

"Wow, looks like there's juiciy stories coming my way!" Grace grinned playfully.  She loved gossiping. It was one of the things that amused her the most.  "Well, I'm listening. First - Who is that Izaic, just an employee... or there's more?"

How? How on Earth did she make that jump? Just because someone worked for him didn't mean there'd be a romance. Though he sure wished there'd be a romance. And though his cheeks blushing and him just taking another sip from his drink may give it away, too. "He's ... He's really really nice" Bruce settled on eventually. "I don't like to be parted from him. But!" Nevermind that he didn't want to graze the topic, but as long as it got Izaic off the hook, Bruce suddenly found himself not minding. "Yeah, that's why I asked you here. I don't - ... " Oh no. He was too shy to tell. Bruce turned the bottle, stalling for time.

"Aw. Do you need advice to get closer to him? You're one very smart bat, asking me. I'm very good at flirting with people. Though I no longer do it, since I have a boyfriend and all." Grace laughed lightly. Bruce was really cute when he was blushing. Bet Izaic thinks the same..., she thought.

"That's not what I was ... " Bruce sighed and brushed his ears back, a little bit frustrated ... and also still blushing. "This is about Damien and Jess. We ... have an issue, I guess." He looked at Grace again, looking sorry now.

"Oh." Grace froze. Suddenly all the memories of Jess's bad experiences with boys ran through her mind. How those kids had played with her feelings, either knowingly or having no idea about it.  Her face contorted in a worried grimace.  "Is... is he going to leave her? Should I prepare her for the worst?"

"Nothing like that" Bruce reassured her, waving it off. "Um. I have someone ... some people ... " Bruce correced, " - that I need to take care of, but they're not in this dimension. I wanted to have Damien with me but ... he doesn't want to be in a school that ... Jess is not in." Bruce huffed. The problem wasn't that he wanted to leave her, the problem was he wanted to stay. And that this might just tear ... everything apart.

"Awwww..." Grace felt incredibly touched. The relief washed over her heart. This was so good, so good. Damien actually wanted to be with her! It was something truly moving.  But then some words sank into her mind.

Different dimension. She looked up to Bruce, a little confused. "Do you have a way to go to another universe on your own? As in... being able to control it, where to go, and being able to come back here?"

Bruce nodded. "I have a dimension traveller. It gets you where you want to be. Whether that is here or in another dimension. Timeline, even." Maybe he should show her. Bruce undid the device from his wrist and put it on the table, right between them, where it stayed. It was turned off now, so it was safe enough for her to take a look.

"Can I touch it?" Grace asked, hesitating for a moment. She didn't want to accidentally send both of them flying through universes.

"Its off now" Bruce assured. To prove it was safe, he touched it himself, sending it rolling over the table a bit. Further to Grace.

"Thank you." Grace picked it up and examined it closely. "This is incredible. My brother would pay thousands of dollars for a thing like this." she mumbled. The whole thing was overwhelming, but she had to focus, for Damien, and for Jess. She put the device back on the table, then joined her hands, fidgetting a little. "Alright... lemme recap, to see if I understood everything you said. You have some business in another universe, and you want to take Damien with you, am I correct?"

Bruce nodded. "And Damien wants Jess with him" he added then, his ears and gaze lowering. They approached the million dollar question. "Can you move with us?"

"Oh gosh..." This was one really big thing to ask. "I... I don't know, Bruce." She felt immediately guilty for such answer.  "I... I have all my life here. I have a job here, I've lived in this city all my life... Going to another city, another country is already big, but we're talking... another universe!" She hugged herself, looking down. "But Jess would feel so sad being away from Damien. She loves him with all of her heart. I'm pretty sure she'd follow him wherever he goes... Mh..."

He couldn't do that to her. "It's not like that" Bruce said, his gaze lowering again. "Damien said he'd stay here. I just want him with me" Bruce sighed. That and, well, hear him when he called for help or something. Which he couldn't when he was in another universe at the time.

She looked up. A possible solution just sparkled in her mind.  "I... I think I have an idea." she mumbled, pointing to  that strange watch of his. "You said you can travel to another universes using that device, right?"

Bruce nodded.

Grace bit her bottom lip. "I was about to go on vacation.  What if you take Jess and me to that universe this summer? Just so I can see the place, and actually, like... being able to judge it. Only then I should be able to decide what would be best for Jess and for me.  Can't take a decision if I don't know the place, don't you think?"

"Agreed" Bruce said, baffled. Right - she hadn't seen it yet, but not even in his wildest dreams he'd thought that she'd give it a chance. He didn't know what to say. Bruce shifted and then, got slowly up from his seat.

"Are you alright?" Grace cocked her head. She hoped she hadn't offended him.

Oh he was. "Thank you" Bruce said. He rested his wing on her shoulder. Maybe he should have asked first if she minded, but he couldn't help himself right now. He'd been forced to leave Damien behind when it wasn't for Grace cooperating.

Grace petted gently his wing, hoping he didn't mind the touch.  "You're welcome. Who knows, maybe I end up liking the place and everything. It's just a matter of time and safety." She looked down to his device. "To be honest, I'd love to have one of those. That way I could bounce back between universes and visit my brother Bernard whenever I want."

"You can have this" Bruce said before he was thinking. He had no other one. But, wait, Dae did. He could pick him up and Mars could make another. "Really." Enough with the hugging. Bruce pulled his wing back, though he still felt incredibly grateful.

"Really? But this is yours, Bruce..." Grace blushed a little. It had been a while since she had received presents from people who wasn't  her boyfriend or from her own family.  "Are you sure? These things must be really expensive..." She already pictured several nines in a row.

"I'm Damien's dad, Damien is with Jess. You are Jess' mother ... so really it's ours" was what Bruce had to say about that. Since there was no one here anyways, he went to the stage and just kept looking back as he was talking with Grace. Sitting in one place all the time made him a little bit nervous.

"Thank you... I think this must one of the most expensive gifts I've ever received..." That, along with the dresses and the jewelry Kerberous gifted her with so often. Now that she thought of it, she'll have to contact him and let him know about her new holiday destination. Technically Death was the same in every universe, so... as long as she used the items he had given her to summon him, he could visit her anywhere. Kerberous wasn't a problem. Bernard, in the otherr hand... probably would be jealous if he knew. Or maybe not. He was a very kind guy, after all. Though now she thought of it... "Bruce, is there any way to modify my phone, so I can receive calls from another universes? I'm just asking, in case I need to call my brother for anything, like, letting him know I'm OK and so on."

"Mars is still working on that" Bruce said, sorry about it, really. "You can use the dimension traveller anytime you want though." He hoped that would be enough. It was fun to talk while he was on the stage and the sound was carried to every corner of the room. Bruce walked up to the piano. "You mind - ?" he asked in between. Its been too long since he last played.

"That's fine." Grace smiled. "Guess I'll just have to talk with him before I go. He should be fine with it, especially if I can travel  as much as I want." Only when he mentioned it, she did notice the piano on stage. "Oh, it's all good! Feel free to do so."

"Thanks." Bruce smiled. He played a note because even just this single one was powerful already. Now add another and a third. Before you knew it, there's a melody. That's how he felt about more people, joining their swarm. He knew that Grace must be a little nervous. He let it show in his play. But then his other hand joined, playing more sounds on the left. As the music filled the room, he hoped he made clear that there was no reason to be afraid. He's found Charlotte. Belle was there, too, and all the heroes that protected the city.

"You're welcome..." Grace smiled quietly, as she sat down. She closed her eyes, letting herself enjoy the melody. She could notice different feelings over it. Something hopeful, something warm, something gentle, something kind.  She couldn't understand all of it, since she was no expert in music - but her heart did feel at ease. She couldn't stop smiling.

That was way better. Bruce closed his eyes as his heart beat slowed down. He was calmed by the music and he had a feeling it worked on Grace just as well. He didn't need to look at the keys as he played. Some other noise though came in between. The sound of a door opening. Bruce smiled. At any other place, this would be the moment to panic, but here, at this time, he was pretty sure to know the answer as to who disturbed his play. Bruce changed tunes, playing a happy melody for the appearance of his friend.

Ezayne walked in, still surprised by the music coming out of the stage. He didn't remember leaving the door open, which meant that one of his employees had arrived early... Or not. His surprise turned into a smile when he saw his friend and another familiar face. "Hey Bruce! And... Grace, right? Haven't seen you in a while..."

Bruce finished this little improvised bit before talking. "You know each other?" He withdrew from the instrument but still kept his hand on the edge of it.

"He was a weirdo when we met." Grace laughed, getting up to shake his hand as greeting. "And you worked in the supermarket. Looks like our lives got better since." Ezayne shook her hand. Then her turned to Bruce. "Am I interrupting something?"

"Oh no." Bruce got down from the stage, approaching until he was next to Ezayne. He got leaned on and purred at before Bruce turned again, facing Grace and smiling at her. What did she mean, Ezayne was a weirdo?

Noticing Bruce needed some context, Grace knew she had to explain. "When we met, he wasn't the fine businessman you can see here. He was a guy who lived in the streets, with torn clothes and many weapons. And he carried them around..." "The man orchestra - but with weapons. It's accurate!" Ezayne laughed. It was nice to think about those days and be able to laugh at it.

"Ah." That time. It was too bad they didn't get to meet during it. Who knew, maybe they'd ended up being enemies. Could have been fun. "Grace is Jess' mom. And Jess is with Damien. So ... we talked" Bruce explained to Ezayne.

"Arrangements for the future wedding?" Ezayne couldn't resist the temptation to joke. It was just too easy! "Close enough." Grace followed his game, chuckling.  "More like ensuring our kids won't run away to be together."

"Yeah" Bruce chuckled. But he remembered something. Looking to Grace, he admit: "His mother is good at making new identities and she trained him. So we really ... " He made a gesture with his hand, meaning: Better be safe than sorry.

Ezayne chuckled lightly. "Good to see you guys got things figured out. Would you like a drink or something?" Grace shook her head. "Bruce already served me a smoothie. He's such a sweetheart." she answered with a smile. Then she looked back to Bruce. "Now you mentioned her... I don't know much about Damien's mother. Are you two divorced or something...? Hope I'm not intruding."

Bruce fought for words for a second. " ... Oh no" he tried to assure. "We ... never married. She just used me to have a child. She is not a good person" he ended and passed Ezayne in an attempt to look like he checked on something. Really though, he was just trying to look casual while he brushed the end of his tail against his friend. He needed this little support. "But don't tell Damien, please. He loves her."

"Wow. Rude." Grace frowned a little.  She wished she knew how to help in these situations. "I... I wasn't planning to have a child when I got in someone's bed while being drunk. But Jess happened, and well... at least we have two beautiful children. That's something."  she mumbled. Ezayne gave his friend a gentle past. "I won't tell Damien a word. It's normal for children to love their mothers, after all."

"I don't know if he still does when he learns the truth" Bruce said sincerely. he did notice that Dae never talked about his mother. They had no heart-to-heart or something, but ... he noticed. " - And I think a bad mother is better than none." He purred in response to the pat and let go of Ezayne.

"I guess? I don't know. I never got a chance to live a childhood with my parents. My memories get cloudy the more I try to go into the past." Ezayne mumbled. He did know that his parents had died. He remembered the fire in the cruise, the blood and the dark waters. And the silence of his bedroom afterwards. With no one to wish him goodnight. "Oh, Ezayne... I didn't know. I'm sorry." Grace felt compassion building within her. She patted his arm. "That must have been tough..."

Oh no! Now he got both distressed. Knowing little what to do, Bruce just stood there and purred while his gaze wandered from one to the other.

The purrs got both Ezayne and Grace to break out of  sad memories. Ezayne was the first, chuckling and patting Bruce's arm; while Grace let out a gasp of surprise. "Bruce... you sound like a kitten! How cute!" she couldn't help but squeal. It was so adorable!

What? Bruce huffed a laugh, which interupted the purr. His hand covered his heart. His manlyness was hurt by being called 'adorable'.

"There, there, Bruce. You still a guy, check yo pants. No worries" Ezayne joked, giving him a friendly pat. Then he winked an eye to Grace. "Grace, we men are not supposed to be 'cute': we are dashing, handsome, but not cute..." "Oh, really?" Grace laughed, patting her hands on her hips. "You two still look younger than me though... Am I not allowed to tease?" "Point taken. You do look older." Ezayne shot back with a smirk. "Hahahaha!" Grace burst in laughter. "Oh God, you boys are so much! Hahahahaha!"

That was better. Bruce smiled as the two of them teased each other instead to be sad. Maybe that was even worth it being called 'cute'.

[inappropriatefangirlneeds]

Gotham s3ep14 „The Gentle Art of Making Enemies“ Personal Review

“Face it, kid, Gotham has no heroes.” Warning spoilers below

“Jerome is everywhere” The city is a mess, the GCPD is filled with cultists and Jim orders most forces to what was it west coast and uptown. They briefly address that this sudden Jerome chaos conveniently falls together with the mayor being absent „Although that might actually be good news“ HARVEY BULLOCK says. I´m a bit .. a lot  annoyed that they never show any impact of those kinds of stuff. I get that they need time to focus on their characters. But 1. A (mob) war is coming  2. Terrible Mutants terrorize the city and 3. Jerome starts The Purge always is announced in a way that builds up a lot of expectations with me but since I never really get to see any impact on the city the people living there I´m caring less and less. Like that second small mob war threat recently, been there done that who cares.. anyone?   They need to find JEROME VALESKA Jim remembers LESLIE THOMPKINS talked to him and goes to her. She´s saying Jim could bond with Jerome over the hilarity of her husband dying and I´m thinking god blergh .. but her husband got killed least what she should be allowed to do is that also she´s on the we got bigger issues track soon and remembers how Jerome Valeska said the last thing he remembers is trying to kill Bruce. Meanwhile ALFRED PENNYWORTH notices something is off in Wayne Manor and gets hit a second after. It´s Jerome and a few others destroying rich people stuff. Okay I gotta admit this looks fun .. but only until Jerome starts toying with the Owl. BRUCE WAYNE and Alfred make up some nostalgic value story but Jerome drops the thing and it survives .. phew but then drops it again and it shatter. This is stressing me out so much. Like I have this deep rooted disdain for those kind of things happen but .. we got bigger issues. Jerome wants to kill Bruce but Bruce says Bitch I´m important this better be something and besides he is disappointed wasn´t he all about show and audience and stuff. “I´m Bruce Wayne” False flattery and conceit, Bruce is good. Still Jerome says he knows he just wants to buy time but he got a point about the showman stuff.  The butler on the other hand is not important he can be killed right there.  Would not Jerome find it hilarious watching Bruce having to see Alfred´s death? Fells like something he´d like to do but they leave. “You carry on, son. You carry on ..” my wayward son .. wait wrong fandom  Anyway Alfred is proud and wants Bruce to keep some hope

“These people don't want a plan They want an excuse.” I was a bit baffled that JEROME VALESKA would proceed to carry out one of THEO GALAVAN´s orders. Killing Bruce was Galavan´s plan I would have suspected that Jerome would rather not follow this through but hey maybe it felt like unfinished business. Jerome takes BRUCE WAYNE to a circus where cultists terrorize and kill people, fun in other words. Bruce gets a fancy make up, Jerome stabs some random guy to get just the right shade of red. Jerome gives some answers to the “why” of the mess going on. He gives people an excuse to do all the horrible they ever wanted to. Well some get that others get their head smashed in. Theres even winners and losers in becoming a new person over night.   Jerome aims to put some guy into a cozy piranha bath. Jerome goes on about how people serving coffee, washing cars and taking out the trash just wait for a moment they could see his blue blood flow. So this is a class riot?! Jerome getting political?  Bruce says there are good people but Jerome claims „Gotham has no heroes.“  [Is this classic or predictable:] Upon hearing this Bruce shoves him. Nevertheless Jerome pushes the piranha bath button and the guy dies. [First lesson of you can be hero all you want and try but still not win?]   Jerome has to staple his face back on, god his expressions doing this are golden. Bruce asks if it hurt and Jerome puts a staple in his arm. Bruce wills his face to remain calm. Another one. And another one and then that´s enough. I so want to say something about that staple game but I can´t point my finger on it.

Anyway Jerome gathers the audience and presents them a handcuffed Bruce. There won´t be a bang but a boom. A canon gets loaded with all kinds of sharp stuff.   ALFRED, JIM and HARVEY enter the show, the backup arrives a bit later. They go in gun blasting but give Bruce enough time to safe himself. [[ This reminds me of when Bruce was strapped to a pole last time with Galavan and he claimed he had a plan after getting rescued. ]] Anyway this time Bruce fishes the staples out of his arm to unlock the handcuffs, just in in time and after dropping one of them, oh the suspense. [This stresses me more than it should because I only know the kind of staples which bend inwards as well] Everything is chaos, Bruce is spotted running into a mirror cabinet. Did he not notice Jim firing the gun, would it not be wiser to join forces? Anyway Jerome follows him. I´m not here to hide Bruce says. “You're going to pay for what you've done.” Despite being armed with a gun and knife Jerome ends up on the floor getting a serious beating. [Is this classic or predictable:] Bruce sees himself in the mirror and stops. He meets with the soon to be obsolete Bruce protection squad. Jerome follows and Jim at least gets to save the day a little by spotting him and punching his face off.  

 „Let´s get to work“ ALFRED wraps up BRUCE´s arm and they recapitulate. Bruce is glad that he did not kill Jerome, he did not cross the line. He noticed that it wasn´t only the anger but that it felt right, it felt like “justice.” “There is a fine line between justice and vengeance” But there is one, Bruce knows. Maybe he should have a little chat with Jim? Alfred noticed as well that Bruce´s training is now sufficient for self defense and that everything more needs rules. The first one being. “I will not kill.” Alfred makes Bruce repeat it. Let´s go to work he says, feels a bit like when we were left with Bruce announcing to investigate after the Indian Hill fiasco.

„I don´t understand. What´s happening?“ Says OSWALD COBBLEPOT when EDWARD NYGMA kills the two men who were meant to help free him from his kidnappers. Would two really have been enough? Anyway Oswald first suspects everything from Edward escaped to aliens abducted the kidnappers just not anything near the truth. It´s frustrating. Edward explains. He killed IsabellA that´s why he took everything from him and is going to take his life. Oswald claims he did it because Edward would have killed her and then would have hated himself. Edward laments that they will never know and that they could have been happy, he could have had a life with the woman he loved. This reminds me of LEE and MARIO FALCONE. Is this meant to remind me of her lamenting a possible life with a cured Mario? Is this meant to be a parallel and a clue that there is more to Isabella than we got to know so far? Will we get to know more about her that would make it sure there would have been no life for Ed and her? After this episode I doubt it .. but let me dream.

 “Love is about sacrifice. It's about putting someone else's needs and happiness before your own. (..) the truth is, Oswald, you would sacrifice anyone to save your own neck. Even me.”  Edward says.  Oswald claims otherwise but Edward remarks that a man facing death would say anything and that Oswald would not change because he cannot change. I miss the times where Oswald talked himself out of these kind of messes.

Oswald is tied to Isabella´s car and if the flame melts the ice he will be killed by acid. [And I can´t unsee the fact that icelocks apparently are a self bondage thing .. Ed .. got a few other hobbies than sewing and pineapples] Edward leaves him like that. He indeed leaves the scene. Highly suspicious. Suddenly a guy enters and is like whoa there, hey you´re the mayor, what did you do while Oswald tries to get him to god damn it just fucking finally cut the rope. He does. I wonder if he ever got that handsome reward?   This whole thing is fishy. Ed would not leave, he would watch his great construction do it´s job wouldn’t he? „We have to find Ed Nygma and kill him“ Oswald says back at his home. Yes great do that! Where is Gabe, the phone is here but Gabe is not. Instead it´s BUTCH GILZEAN and TABITHA GALAVAN. After Edward tightened Oswald´s tie his throat suffers some more through Tabitha´s whip. Oswald asks what they are doing in his house “Whatever we want” Tabitha says and picks up the Jerome motive. They want to know where Ed is to kill him. Oswald insults Butch for not being more than muscle (“Think” “Oh, I heard you. I'm just surprised you knew the word.”) and Tabitha is so cruel to remind Oswald of another of their encounters. Hate fills the room one thing leads to another and Butch knocks Edward out, Idiot now you got to carry him Tabs comments. They drag him to the Sirens and BARBARA KEAN proceeds to talk to Oswald. He needs to phone Ed so they can find him, they can´t call because he is not stupid. Butch claims he could make him talk in five minutes, Tabitha says she could in three, why you gotta be like that babe Butch asks. Barbara is annoyed with them. [ See this can never work. I´m still salty about this triangle still being a thing I know I´m repeating myself but Butch Tabs just doesn´t make any sense, and damn it why can´t we just have supportive Tabsn´Babs?] “Give up Nygma, save your own ass. Live to love another day.” Barbara says and is mirroring Edward´s words almost perfectly. This is fishy. [Pun unintended, but srsly where is she] Oswald has an epiphany.  He does not want Edward to die although he should. That he did not love him properly at first but thought he did because Edward saw him like he was and was kind.  Oswald sees his selfishness with killing Isabella but says now, now he is ready. He could not sacrifice his happiness for Ed´s but now he is ready to. He won´t phone Ed! “I won't let you hurt him!” “So you'd rather die than give up the man who tried to kill you?” “I would! Isn't that crazy?” Ed shows up. He has that irritated look he gets when he wasn´t right. He wanted Oswald to die with knowing he was not capable of loving another person. But I can Oswald says having some hope .. poor bird. Edward says he does not know what this means.  

 „I don´t know what it means“ EDWARD NYGMA and OSWALD COBBLEPOT are in the docks. Oswald tells him that this murder will change him. It´s different than the others: no crime of passion or self defense but cold blooded murder. I guess Leonard counts as passion because he was meant to find him a guide in his new murderous hobby he´s found passion for? Okay but .. hasn´t it been exactly this element of passion that has frightened and haunted Edward, this part that he could not quite control. Cold blooded means it is a decision he can make, this indeed could change him but to a person with more confidence and feeling of control so something he would benefit from (if you see being criminal as benefit) so Oswald´s words are rather encouraging aren´t they? “This will be the cold-blooded murder of someone you love.” “I don't love you.”  “You need me, Edward Nygma. Just as I need you.” “You killed Isabella” That´s the point and the thing Oswald can´t talk himself out of [I´d like to see S1 Oswald try to do it] Oswald says Ed was a “nervous, jittery loser.”, “nothing” That he created him, that only he sees him as he is and what he can become [Hello Hanniwald!].  In other words he gives Ed his version of the talk Fish Mooney gave him. Still Edward loved Isabella and he shots Oswald. He does not look to happy when the Penguin sinks into the depts.

So Tabitha and Butch (maybe Barbara) still want Edward dead.. where are they? 

* So I have some major issues with that message. “Love is about sacrifice. It's about putting someone else's needs and happiness before your own.”  Like how about it´s about compromises and finding a way to make each other happy.  Of course it certainly is not killing loved ones for your own benefits either but I just don´t like the notion that you have to sacrifice yourself figuratively or literally for a loved one. Oswald choosing to do so because he regrets, wants to make things right yeah okay.. I mean he killed someone it´s not like he would not deserve it but this idea of he loves Edward and this means he has to forget about all the suffering he made him go through and sacrifice himself just does not sit right with me. Like the I´m gonna kill Ed impulse in some way feels “healthier”? [Of course the guilt on Oswald´s side issue here makes it kind of a different case but]

 * Remembering Edward´s line about love being a weakness this certainly applies here for Oswald! Does it apply for Edward?

* Sighs Oswald, Oswald, Oswald.  I said I can see how someone showing affection for him after all the time believing no one could like him (okay I´m gonna keep this short this time) would mess with him and make him stupid, and how him having reached his goals and being King of Gotham and Mayor would  make him less cautious. [Like he feels like beating the end boss in a computer game thinking he reached the goal but does not notice that he has become the end boss for the next players to come] but I am not happy with the idea that he would let go this level of betrayal. I would accept it if Edward forced him to see the pain he caused and that it would lead to remorse, that I could see  but forgiving Edward messing with his family, his whole goals, everything?! Part of Oswald´s appeal was that he was so uncompromising demanding, that here might be character development but I don´t like it. The Oswald that certainly loved and admired Fish Mooney in some way but pushed her of a building killing her that was an interesting character. His self preservation was so compelling and I don´t like that such an integral part of his character was silenced this week.

* On the other hand “Love is about sacrifice” hasn´t been Oswald selfless. Wasn´t there plenty of fantastic meta on Oswald acting selfless in regards of Jim Gordon, or that time when he let Fish Mooney go and even spared Hugo Strange´s life. Or Tabithas, just because of Butch whom he should actually not like either.

„Give the GCPD a chance“   Says a guy with ring to owl lady KATHRYN. (And let´s be honest he is probably the only living soul in Gotham who has faith in their police) „Your faith in him is touching and possibly dangerous“ Are they talking about Jim? Am I forgetting someone or something, they are talking about Jim aren´t they? Owl people are seen later again discussing having almost lost the city over a cup of tea. Lost what for? A little chaos disturbing their business? What business? Tell me? Do they want to safe Gotham for the sake of the city or their interests, I bet the later .. but damn it tell me what are those? Clone Bruce appears, he is ready, the scars have been removed. Ring guy leaves to get someone on boat claiming that no one refuses the court.   JIM GORDON sits in his flat pouring him some whiskey and not closing the bottle afterwards indicating that more booze will follow but first there is a knock on the door. It´s „Uncle Frank“. For a moment I was worried it would be Lee, phew, but although this could give us some Jim background I don´t think I´m to keen to see that clone court and family mess. Will Jim join them because they claim to do good? How will he get to know that they are Bruce´s enemies? Are they going to win him with fake Bruce speaking for them? Will Jim become real Bruce´s spy? 

To kill or not to kill Both Edward and Bruce are faced with the decision to kill or not to kill someone who has hurt a loved one. Would have Bruce made the same decision if he had seen Alfred getting murdered? Yes he would have, do not kill no matter what. That´s what distinguishes heroes from villains, at least so we are told. On the other hand I´m reluctant to draw the parallel because someone of the organization level of Edward would have shot someone dead dead as in right into the head. Oswald has been shot he has survived Edward knows that even with the added water there still is the possibility of survival that would even drive me mad if I would want someone dead it must give Edward a psychosomatic rash, I mean after bone shattering no body no crime rigour that´s just sloppy.

 Personal Highlight: Edward screaming at people „Ghosts aren´t real“  Did that have a little undertone of a hurt scientific mind being like I can´t believe you have forced me to work with that superstitious bogus, like ghosts how can you even. Meanwhile Oswald: What do you mean I saw it, and besides there´s dead people coming back to life literally and you draw the line at ghosts? * Why was Jerome picking on Bruce and Alfred´s relationship? After Alfred tells Bruce to carry on he comments with “strangely intimate” and then another remark on those two “Are all rich kids this close with their butlers?”

* What am I missing about the title? Has anyone a new enemy? Like they all kinda were before that´s what got them into this whole mess.

* I hope Oswald´s second Hello I´m not dead moment will be glorious

[rob-blog1234]

WEEKEND TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Check out my guide to the top films on TV this weekend and the best of the rest. Enjoy!

LATE FRIDAY 8th SEPTEMBER

HOT PICK!

Comedy @ 2200    Pineapple Express (2008) ****

Check out this highly entertaining Stoner comedy.  Fast Paced and full to the brim with one liners that will stick with you for a while.  This is Seth Rogen’s best by far and James Franco is fantastic as the drug dealing stoner Saul.  Don’t expect deep and meaningful - this is pure silly comedy but done with a touch of comedy class.  Hilarious.

Best of the rest:

ITV4 @ 2100       On Her Majesty's Secret Service (1969) ****

W @ 2100           Kill Bill Vil. 2 (2004) ****

TCM @ 2100       Pulp Fiction (1994) *****

Film4 @ 2100     This is England (2006) ****

Horror @ 2245   Drag Me to Hell (2009) ***

Film4 @ 2305     Quadrophenia (1979) ****

TCM @ 0010      The Wicker Man (1973) *****

Film4 @ 0115     Trainspotting (1996) *****

SATURDAY 9th SEPTEMBER

HOT PICKS!

Sky1 @ 2100    Enemy of the State (1998) *****

Will Smith is Robert Dean, a hotshot lawyer on top of his game with a beautiful house and family. His perfect life. John Voight is Thomas Reynolds, the head of an NSA government surveillance initiative that he is trying to push through congress. When his pitch falls on deaf ears, Reynolds goes to the extreme of having the congressman killed. The murder is caught on tape by a member of the public who, fearing for his life, goes on the run from the NSA. During the chase he encounters Dean and unbeknownst to him, the tape is planted in Dean’s shopping bags. The NSA uses every tool at their disposal to retrieve the tape from Dean. As his life begins to fall apart, his cards are cancelled and he is slandered in the press, he meets a man named “Brill” who tells him he has something the Government want. Here they formulate a plan to get Dean’s life back and uncover the truth.

This is an excellent thriller, full of action and stellar performances from Voight, Hackman and Smith. Released in 1998 some of the story and technical aspects and “secret agent” style shenanigans seem a little outdated but this does not stop this from being a thoroughly enjoyable film. It’s a relentless chase and suspense thriller with a great script and direction. You can’t help but be drawn into the twists and turns and it also poses some great questions about our privacy and how much the government should be allowed to pry into our seemingly private lives.

Sony @ 2100    Unbreakable (2000) ****

M. Night Shyamalan's name comes with some baggage and assumptions - let us put that all aside right now. Check your bags - leave them here. Let us begin. We are at a point of superhero saturation in the current cinema world, with Marvel monopolising ever corner of the market, forcing characters into our eyes and ears at every possible moment. DC continue to do the same - albeit unsuccessfully, but they all have a very similar overall feel. These are alternative universes - far removed from ours. Usually formulaic and with big budget CGI special effects. Back in 2000 - Unbreakable hit the big screen and it didn't pigeon hole itself, it let you take the ride. This feels very real, in a time and world that feels very current, set up as a mystery drama with a great story arc.

Bruce Willis is David Dunn, a man who has survived some terrible accidents unscathed. Samuel L. Jackson is Elijah Price, a frail and fragile man with a rare bone disease. People call him Mr. Glass. Elijah theorises that David has special powers making him invulnerable. As David begins to realise his gift things begin to take a turn.

It had been a long time since seeing Unbreakable - but with Shyamalan's recent cinema release - Split - I turned back to give this another watch and reminded myself of how good it was. Check it out.

Best of the rest:

ITV3 @ 1010        The Secret Garden (1993) ***

Film4 @ 1300      Napoleon Dynamite (2004) ****

Syfy @ 1420        Ladyhawke (1985) ***

Film4 @ 1635     The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959) ***

C4 @ 2100           X-Men: First Class (2011) ****

TCM @ 2100       Scream (1996) ****

BBC2 @ 0045     Miss Bala (2011) ****

TCM @ 0105       The Graduate (1967) ****

SkyArts @ 0245  Chocolat (2000) ****

SUNDAY 10th SEPTEMBER

HOT PICKS!

C4 @ 2100     Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014) ****

On release I wasn't too fussed about this and let it pass me by unwatched. A film that on the surface looked like - just another Spy movie rehash, with a chavvy kid ultimately redeeming himself - it just felt a bit off. Then on recommendation I caught up with it on Blu Ray release - and was very happy I did too!

Matthew Vaughn - who we have to thank for Kick-Ass, Stardust and X-Men First Class - bring us into the crazy world of Kingsman - a Secret Spy organisation here to save the world. It unashamedly mimics the likes of Bond - constantly referring to itself as being "not that kind of movie" and has such huge set pieces and layered with tons of action - you will be hooked from the out. It's funny too - it has plenty of comedy that made me chuckle. It's sometimes silly but keeps its feet on the ground just enough to stay credible. It was a riot on my first watch and it holds up to repeat viewings. Need some fun on Sunday night? Get this on the telly.

Syfy @ 2200    Twelve Monkeys (1995) *****

I present to you Terry Gilliam’s greatest achievement with this extremely detailed, rich and complex story introducing some of the most memorable characters in film. Twelve Monkeys is an extremely accomplished Time Travel Sci-Fi adventure dealing with multiple themes and concepts through some amazing storytelling. Even with its multiple time lines, flashbacks and crazy plot Gilliam feeds the story to us with amazing skill also treating us to some amazing cinematography and backdrops of a dark and bleak future world.

Gilliam is notorious for his almost stubborn attention to tiny details. Each scene is busy with cogs and mechanisms and such richness it’s sometimes hard to take it all in, but this all adds to the overall effect and feel of the film.

A huge amount of this film’s success lies in the amazing performances from all the cast. Particular praise goes to Bruce Willis and Brad Pitt who bring to the screen quite possibly their greatest performances to date.

The film is set in the future where a virus has wiped out the majority of human life and the survivors live underground where they are safe. Attempting to find a cure the head scientists send James Cole (Willis) back to the year 1996 to gather information. When he is sent to 1990 by mistake and after a fight he finds himself in a mental institution where he meets the wild eyed and crazed Jeffrey Goines (Pitt). It really is a roller coaster of events from here.

The joy of this film is that it never ages, it always seems a fresh, new and clever concept that always rewards. Definitely up in my Top 5 Time Travel films. Twelve Monkeys is a masterpiece. I have high hopes for the new TV series based on this film. I hope it becomes a good companion piece and not a scar on the memory of this original success. Watch this!

Film4 @ 0000     Dogtooth (2009) ****

Bizarre, baffling, barmy and brilliant - Yorgos Lanthimos’ Dogtooth is an unsettling and provocative Greek film that will really take you out of your comfort zone. The parents of three teenage children have raised their kids without any influence to the outside world; no TV, no news, no understanding of how the world really is. They are taught words which mean completely different things, like zombies are yellow flowers and a salt cellar is a telephone. Strange? Yes, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. They are far removed from the world we live in. As a visitor to the house begins to reveal elements of truth about the world outside their four prison walls their suspicions begin to mount. Fascinating and frustrating to equal measure, whether you lap up the allegory and digest every message about society and behaviour or simply watch this as a bizarre story about a family ruled by a rather disturbed father, either way - you’ll certainly not forget this film in a hurry. Lanthimos has recently had great success with his English Language debut: The Lobster and with a new release this year with The Killing of a Sacred Deer, he's a controversial and interesting Director to watch.

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 1100        The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) ****

ITV4 @ 1700          The Pink Panther (1963) ****

BBC1 @ 1705       Shrek 2 (2004) ****

Syfy @ 1720          Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) *****

Comedy @ 2100   22 Jump Street (2014) ****

Film4 @ 2100        Gladiator (2000) *****

C4 @ 2335             Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014) ***