#Bro and that episode of greys anatomy where the girl has a panic attack and they have to lcip the wires gave me some kind of phobia

[washngton]

Very sick of the jaw joint disorder that makes me unable to suck cock without being in terrible pain but also too scared to book a consult because I'd rather kill myself than have a surgery requiring my jaw wired shut.

[myname-is-eli-blog]

Who i am.

I have a list of common questions and things i’m going to answer as a way for you guys to get to know me better. Some are just little things like color and movies but down at the bottom are some mental things i struggle with to further solidify my perception of everyday life. If you have other questions for me that arent on this list, feel free to ask them.

1. What is your name?

Eli (i dont have a middle name) Avila

2. How old are you?

16

3. When is your birthday?

May 2nd

4. What is your favorite color?

Yellow

5. Favorite movie?

The Hate U Give or Avengers: Endgame

6. Favorite show/tv series?

Grey’s Anatomy, The 100, and Euphoria

7. Favorite type of music?

No idea, Pop, R&B, and some Rap, also i like any type of sad music

8. Favorite Album?

Camila Cabello by Camila Cabello or Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey

9. Favorite song?

Out Of Love by Alessia Cara

10. Favorite singer?

Camila, Kehlani, or Jessie Reyes

11. Favorite author?

Fuck bro idk

12. Favorite book?

The Book Thief

13. How do you pass time?

I paint, draw, watch tv, or hang out with my buddies

14. How do you slow down time?

Think, focus, read (this speeds up time but in my mind its slower and i love that)

15. How is your love life?

My Partner of a year broke up with me about 2 months ago and then asked a girl out a month later and that didnt work so yesterday they asked out a boy to go to Culvers.... in front of me.... knowing i was also going to Culvers... I dont really care who they date but its more the blatant disrespect and seemingly the need to hurt me thhat kinda took me aback. However, i’m actually talking to a couple people, but i’m not dating currently, i dont want to date someone thinking i like them, only for them to turn into a rebound, thats not fair to them.

16. What Grade am i in?

This year i will be a Junior in Highschool

17. What am i doing after highschool?

2 years in community college, four years in a university, then law school.

18. After college?

Hopefully ill work my way up to becoming an attorney.

19. Where do i see myself 10-20 years from now?

Hopefully im an attorney or almost there, hopefully i have kids.

20. Any regrets?

Dating my partner, and my ex girlfriend. i shouldnt date.

21. Biggest fear?

Losing control

22. Favorite Season?

Autumn

23. Favorite weather?

Rain and storms

24. Zodiac sign?

Taurus

25. Are you a morning or a night person?

Neither, during the summer i sleep early and wake up late. But i get more grumpy late at night than i do early in the morning.

26. What is your biggest insecurity?

My voice.

27. How many siblings do you have?

6

28. How many kids do you want?

I dont know, but i do want some

29. How many partners have you had?

2

30. What makes you angry?

Mixed signals, and people using me to get better then leaving when they realize im not fully better.

Mental Health Questions (it get more personal down here)

31. What mental health problems do you have?

I am diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, Bipolar disorder, and PTSD

32. How does it affect your daily life?

I have anxiety attacks quite often sometimes, i wake up sad occasionally, and i have long stages of mania and depressive episodes that tend to leave me either very depressed or very unpredictable. my ptsd is just kinda random, i have nightmares and sensory flashbacks. But i learn to cope with all of this.

33. Do you know where they come from?

Yeah, first three are genetic. PTSD comes from My ex Vicky, (not my most recent, the one before that), and a night i messed up by wandering around my town alone at 4am (story for a different time)

34. Any triggers?

Yeah but i struggle to identify a lot of them

35. Do you talk to someone about them?

yes i have a therapist named Melissa, shes lovely

36. Do you take any medication?

No my mom doesnt like what it does to me..

37. How has trauma affect your daily life?

I have random triggers, i zone out a lot, i have panic attacks, other things. i struggle to focus, and i stuggle to fall and stay asleep.

38. How are you today (or in general)?

As of lately, i am fairly okay. Things with Dylan (lets say thats my ex, real name filtered for privacy) have got me confused. I see them every week, and i dont mind seeing them, but sometimes it leaves me hella hurt afterwards and i dont know why. i guess im not over them like i thought. Also, i dated them before i realized and accepted that i was trans, im new to this... but they told me they were gonna break up with me eventually anyways because they aren’t attracted to guys... but now they are talking to another transboy...???

39. How would you recommend other people get help for their mental health needs?

Gosh okay, talk to people, i know it can be scary but communication is key. you need people on your side to get passed all of this. you can do it on your own too, but its so much easier when you have a support system. an actual support system, not just one person, multiple people. Talk, express, question, get and give advice. Stay strong, and im always here to talk if you need it.

40. Are you open to people coming to you for any help that might be needed?

yessss please come to me if you wanna rant or talk, i’ll give you the best i can with what ive experienced or ill just listen if you need to rant but im completely open to it if you need someone to talk to.

-Eli: 9:34pm 6/26/19