#Bridgerton-esque days out

[rosemaryhelenxo]

Discover Newport Pagnell's Chicheley Hall: Luxury Hotel in Breath-taking Countryside | Travel

“Nestled in the idyllic countryside of Newport Pagnell, just an hour away from London, lies the stunning Chicheley Hall Hotel. “ This 18th century mansion turned luxury hotel offers the perfect escape from the hustle and bustle of city life. With its grand architecture, lush gardens, and impeccable service, Chicheley Hall is a hidden gem that promises a memorable and indulgent…

[torturedbridgertonsdept]

Dance Lessons—

Colin gives you private dance lessons at the Bridgerton’s drawing room.

tags/warnings: fluff | 2.2k words | f!reader | friends to lovers esque 

“Try it once more, but perhaps focus on avoiding my toes as you do it,” Colin grunted, attempting to conceal a painful groan after you had accidentally stepped on his foot.

“I am god awful. How shall I have a successful first season when I dance like a lame horse?” You huffed, fussing at the scratchy tulle on the neckline of your dress.

“Do not be discouraged. I promise you are improving,” He gave you a sincere and kind look.

You deeply exhaled through your nostrils as you held out your hand toward him.

“You make it look so effortless, Colin. I shall never understand what sorcery you possess. You are talented at everything,” You huffed, once again following his lead in the dance. 

You knew Colin to be charming and handsome for his entire life. He was humorous, charismatic, and well-liked.

An encouraging smile appeared on his face while watching you take his hand gently encircling yours as a soft expression filled his eyes.

“That is because I have been doing it for years,” he chuckled, leading the two of you in the gentle flow of the dance. 

Colin’s eyes remained locked on yours, a soft grin on his face. “You’re making improvements I swear.” He assured you, tilting his head slightly. “I assure you in a few days, you’ll be doing brilliantly.”

Your eyes widened at the hope his eyes communicated back, however, you quickly looked away to prevent a blush from creeping upon your cheeks. 

“Well then, I believe I should take your word for it. I ought to trust my dance instructor after all,” You gave a warm smile back, focusing on reacting to his movements.

“Of course you should,” he replied immediately, a smirk quickly appearing on his face, as his feet continued to guide your own. “I’m always right, you should know that by now.” 

A hint of a smile was still on his face as he carefully led you to dance to the music coming from across the room. “Keep your head up and your shoulders back.” He suggested softly from beside you, gently adjusting you during the dance.

His light, mindless touches caused a stirring in your stomach. You were now finding the task at hand more difficult due to the manual control of your breath. Having this close of proximity to him was vexing, to say the least.

“Is this correct?” You inquired, keeping track of every step.

“Perfect.” He said gently.

Colin’s smirk widened a bit as the dance continued, he was unable to prevent the playful comment from leaving his mouth. 

“Are you certain you are focusing on dancing?” he teased

“What else could I be focused on? It already pains my head to remember all the steps to this dance,” You retorted, unsure why Colin was insistent on asking you something so uncharacteristic of him.

“Oh, I can think of a few things,” the smirk on his face widened as he spoke, almost challenging you to question him further. 

“Although, based on the way you’re gripping my hand, I doubt my theory,” he teased.

You scoffed in jest. “Colin, what are you on about? Do not confuse my head, I shall lose my focus and trip on your toes once more,” 

You were silently curious about the way he held your hip. You had never been touched in this way and somehow it felt more intimate than it was supposed to be. You refused to bring attention to it. He would surely mock you.

“Now, we can’t have that, can we?” He quipped, feigning worry over his toes and leaning in a bit closer to you as if letting you in on a secret.

His hand slowly rubbed his thumb against the material of your dress, a gentle, soothing feeling, and he chuckled softly. “My apologies. I shan’t tease you while you’re trying to focus.”

“It is quite alright,” Your words were stung out, wary of the feeling he was creating in the atmosphere of the drawing room.

You tried to brush off the feeling of his hand wrapped in the soft curve of your waist. It was as if it could ignite if you paid too close attention to it. Instead, you spun around him, feeling pride swelling within you as you had finally timed it correctly.

His smirk did not disappear as a look of pride flashed through his eyes, clearly happy that you were able to successfully execute it.

“Well done,” he praised gently, a hint of playful sarcasm in his tone. “I’m rather impressed that you spared my toes again.”

He pulled you closer as the music continued around them, a hint of genuine pride on his face, still. “See? You are indeed improving”

“I believe I should owe the accomplishment to you. You are brilliant, truly,” You sighed, stepping back to bow toward him.

Your eyes gleamed with appreciation. You blushed as you prevented your smile from growing wider. A brief pause of silence fell upon you two before you broke it.

“I was wondering if you’d save a dance with me at Lady Danbury’s upcoming ball?” You asked, fiddling with your gloves.

He chuckled softly as he mirrored your movement, bowing in return and his eyes flicked to how you fiddled with your gloves. It was as if anticipating just what he could do with this request, and he feigned shock, his eyes widening for a moment at your question.

“Why, I thought you’d never ask,” he said dramatically. “Of course I will.”

“Excellent,” You said in a happy breath.

Colin was well-known and well-liked, so surely a dance with him at the first ball of the season would catch the eye of many suitors. You enjoyed the confidence your friendship with him instilled in you. 

You stood before him a moment, watching his expression as he gazed back at you. It was a gaze that you had never seen before, it was hard to read. You stared back and blinked for a moment. Colin was well aware of your nervousness about your upcoming introduction into society and thus had agreed to be your partner in dance for this first dance. But now, as he stared down into your eyes, his expression softened and a thought suddenly popped into his mind. He wondered if others would notice the way your eyes sparkled now, how your hair fell around your face.

He shook his head slowly, gently coming back to reality before responding.

“Is something the matter, Colin?” You tilted your head.

He had been standing there silently looking at you. It was causing you to be self-conscious. 

“Nothing’s the matter, I promise you that,” he assured you softly. He didn’t quite want to admit what was running through his mind, so he simply continued to look down at you, studying your features.

“I was just thinking how nervous you are for the season, and how silly that is,” he said gently.

You giggled and mimicked the way he shook his head. 

“Is that not what a new debutante typically is like? You’ve witnessed three of your sisters debut in society already, surely you saw how terrified they were,”

You appreciated his attention, but you did not know of the extent of how he saw you. You only knew that you enjoyed his company more than others and hoped he felt the same. These dance lessons have been your favorite moments in your preparation for your debut.

“You make a fair point,” he said, chuckling as you mimicked the way he’d shaken his head. 

He was amused by the way you had mirrored his actions and then chuckled again at the memory of all three of his sisters going through their debuts.

“I remember how nervous they all were. It was very amusing to watch, I promise you,” he scoffed as he recalled the memory of their terrified expressions. “And yes, perhaps it is. All three of them survived their debuts, however. As will you.”

“You flatter me, truly. I do have high hopes for the season, I just wish it comes swiftly and I find myself victorious by the end of the season with a great match,” You nodded as you confessed your wishes for the season.

“Of course you will. Any man would be honoured to court you,” Colin watched the determination in your eyes and the hope in your words. 

He found it endearing how determined you were for the season, though a hint of worry flashed through his eyes as he realized that you would no longer need these dancing practices with him once you found a well prospect. You heard something vulnerable in his compliment. You felt it meant more than a friend wishing another good luck. Your brows lifted in surprise.

“And what of you? Are you planning to take a wife this season or have you set your heart on traveling once more?” You asked, your hand out and lifted toward him.

He chuckled softly and tilted his head. He was aware that you had noticed a hint of vulnerability in his words, but he masked it quickly and raised an eyebrow as he answered your question.

“You’re quite observant, aren’t you?” he mused. “If I am truthful, I have not yet made up my mind on that matter,” he answered with a playful smirk.

“Well if it is a wife you seek, I assure you, you will have no difficulty in it. I’ve spoken with other young misses in the ton, they say you are quite the catch,” You folded your arms and looked at him in admiration.

Colin chuckled and mirrored your movements, folding his arms as he watched you with a hint of amusement. He was certainly aware of all the many women who found him attractive, but that didn’t change the fact that you had spoken with other young ladies about him.

“Oh, you’ve been discussing me with other ladies, have you?” he said, raising his eyebrows in surprise, though he then smirked. “What exactly have they said, my friend?”

“Well, they do not say much beyond your heavy purse and your good looks, even when I remind them of your other wonderful traits,” You scoffed, thinking of those chittering ladies speaking about Colin.

You did share in the shallow nature of the surrounding ladies. You wished to find a man for yourself who was true of heart. Colin chuckled, noticing how you’d scoffed at the ladies’ comments. 

“I am wounded,” he feigned hurt and placed a hand dramatically on his heart. “All they seem to notice is my handsome face and fortune? How insulting!” he said, though a playful tone still filled his words.

You joined him in a laugh before stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“Do not trouble yourself with that thought, dear friend. I know you are bound to find a lady who will appreciate you for your heart, which is larger than any I’ve encountered before,” You said very forthcoming, unaware of how it would make Colin’s heart swell.

Colin suddenly felt his breath catch in his throat, and a hint of vulnerability flashed in his eyes again at your kind words. 

“You say that with so much confidence, darling.” he retorted. “Do you know something that I do not?”

“I do not know much, but I do know a good man when I see one, Colin,” You said grasping your hands together in sincerity.

It felt delightful to instill confidence in Colin as he did for you. His shy smile was a sight to see indeed. You stared at him for a moment longer, melting under the effects of his dazzling eyes. You then cleared your throat.

“It is getting late, is it not? I must return home before my mama frays her nerves,” You said suddenly.

Colin was swiftly trying to recover from your words and the way you were looking at him. He couldn’t understand why he was suddenly feeling the way he was. No other young lady had that effect on him before. He glanced at the window, noticing that the sunlight was starting to fade slightly. “Ah yes, it is getting rather late,” he muttered in agreement. 

He looked back at you and felt the slightest hint of disappointment at the thought of you leaving.

“We shall see each other soon, yes? At Lady Danbury’s ball?” You asked as you reached the threshold, holding onto it as you waited for his response.

A feeling lingered that you still wished to spend time with Colin. You worried now that you would no longer see him as often as you’d like once your lessons had ceased. Colin nodded, shoving down that odd mixture of regret at the thought of you leaving and the realization that these dance lessons would soon come to an end. 

“Of course you shall,” he assured quickly. “I promised you a dance, didn’t I?” he reminded you, trying to keep a grin on his face to make this separation seem as normal as possible.

[springseasonie]

Two worlds apart Pt. 2 | JJH (M)

Prince Jaehyun x maid fem reader, arranged marriage trope, forbidden love trope

Part 1.

Summary: reckless decisions always have a bittersweet ending.

Warnings: sexual content, some fluff, lots of angst, penetrative sex, oral (fem receiving), standing sex, unprotected, praising, possessive Jaehyun, pregnancy, he's a munch 🤭, angst, bittersweet ending, bridgerton esque, historically inaccurate, story takes place within a couple of weeks it's kinda fast ik I'm sorry

Word count: 17k

Song recs: promise by laufey, how does it make you feel by Victoria Monet

A/n: awkwardly laughs...hey guys its taken me too long to write this and it's not even that great but I'm satisfied so pls enjoy it sorry for the wait Ilya 🤍 feedback is love and appreciated as always 🤍🤍

Jaehyun was practically chasing Rose down the corridor as she walked fast trying to get away from him, shoes clicking on the shiny marble floor. "Rose, please-"

"I don't want to speak to you," she said, gripping her gown tighter as she pulled it from the floor as she walked.

Jaehyun quickly caught up to her, taking her arm in his hands. She quickly snatched it out of his grasp, giving him a nasty glare. Jaehyun had never been looked at that way, and she could tell by the way his face twisted into an offended expression. Rose had not only found out about him leaving her alone to be with you the night prior, but also about him sleeping with you. She knew what she was getting herself into, but she didn't know how draining it could be. It's only been a couple of days, but time is running out as each second passes.

"I said I don't want to speak to you. I don't even want to look at you," she spat, face still and cold as ice.

"Well I don't care what you want," the prince snapped. "I don't want this. I never asked for this."

"And you think I did." Her voice rang out through the halls, her anger bouncing off the stained glass windows. By this point, any and everyone in the castle knew very well about the details of Jaehyun's affair. "All I asked from you is to at least bed me before you went and live whatever fantasies you had with that wench-"

"Don't you dare call her that." Jaehyun's voice lowered as he stared down at the princess, a dangerous glint in his eyes. But Rose isn't known to be the kind of woman to back down. She's scared of no one, not even her parents.

Rose turned around, facing him fully in all his anger. His ears were red, jaw clenched as he stared down at her icy exterior. "Wench, whore, prostitute. Whatever she is, I do not care. If she shows signs of being with child in the next couple of months, you can expect her to be outside of my castle."

"This is my castle. You are on my land in my country and she will not be going anywhere," he declared, but all Rose did was laugh in his face.

"I am your princess, your queen, your wife. I will do as I please in these walls. All I want is an heir and we will be done with this nonsense," she says. Rose quickly turns and walks away, butler tailing her as she quickly removes herself from the situation.

All Jaehyun could do was let out an exasperated sigh in the middle of the hall. He knew she shouldn't go to you, but that's all he could think of. You were the only person who could comfort him at the moment, and he needed to see you, and so he will. So against his better judgment he trudged down the hall, butler following behind him closely to keep his pace.

"Prince, you mustn't act recklessly," his butler said, keeping a close eye on him.

"And why not," Jaehyun snaps, running down the marble staircase. "Rose hasn't even been here for 30 days and is already irking my nerves."

"My grace, I understand that you're angry now, but-"

The prince turned around, annoyed and jaw clenching at the conversation. "If I can't have anything else in this world, at least let me have my anger." Jaehyun knew that even after saying that, it would never happen. Nothing ever truly belonged to him. Everything belonged to the crown. The only thing that would ever be his was the air he breathed, but was that even his? He never felt like it, not when his mother and father have been telling him what and how to do anything since he was born.

Jaehyun knew his life would never truly be his. His family, his love, his legacy would never be his, but one thing he could say was that you were his. And you wanted to be his, and if either one of you wanted that, he would have to fight for it in any way that he could. Jaehyun was serious about loving you, he always has been. He would give up anything and everything to be by your side forever.

"My prince, your mother is very worried about you," his butler spoke. "She says you've been more careless than usual."

"Well that's the kind of thing that happens when you lie to your children." The two walked through the second largest corridor of the property towards the main kitchen. Jaehyun knew you'd be in there at this time. You had the same schedule almost everyday, not that he had memorized it (he definitely did).

Jaehyun barged into the kitchen, startling everyone, forcing them to turn to the door. Like always, the group of people, including yourself bowed or curtsey towards him and his butler.

"Your grace," everyone greeted in unison.

Jaehyun shot everyone a small smile, bowing slightly when his eyes caught you in the back of the room. You had been avoiding him since the night of the ball. Everything in him regretted what he did knowing that you didn't want to be his mistress. But unfortunately, he didn't feel completely guilty. You avoided his very obvious gaze, looking elsewhere in the room in an attempt to silently tell him to leave you be, but of course it did not work.

"Everyone step outside please," he said, a deep voice rushing through the room. The staff started to scurry, not wanting to face the prince's volatile anger. They could all tell that he was on edge, not in the right mind. You followed behind everyone, trying to hide, but Jaehyun is very perceptive.

"Except for you."

You looked up, his round deep brown eyes looking down at you cold, as if you were in trouble. And you were constantly running away from him anytime he was near. Jaehyun let the rest of the castle staff out, pulling you aside. His butler followed the staff, stepping out, but standing in front of the door making sure no one else came in.

His broad frame turned to you, folding his hands at his waist as he spoke. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"You grace, I have not been avoiding you," you answer calmly. You were not in the mood to speak to him or anyone else for that matter. Having to work so closely with his wife has been mentally tormenting you enough, you didn't want to add more to the list.

"Y/N, you have been avoiding me since the ball," he said, squinting his eyes at your formal speech.

"I have not. I've been busy. I, too, have responsibilities," you retort.

Jaehyun sighed, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He was about to become angry, and when he got angry, he had a tendency to yell. He did not want to yell at you however, so he had to reign his anger back.

"I know you have been avoiding me. Tell me why, and I will not take no for an answer."

You were taken back by his assertiveness. Jaehyun had ever spoken to you this way, almost as if he was demanding you to speak. You stared up at him, giving him a dry laugh before scoffing. He knew exactly why you were avoiding him, and anyone else of power for that matter.

"Don't you dare scoff at me. I am your king-"

"You are a prince. And you did not care when you abandoned your wife during a ball to bed me," you snapped.

"It was on a wall."

"Nevertheless," you continued, "you did the very thing I asked you not to do. I do not want to be your mistress. I do not want to be pregnant. If I cannot have all of you, I will not have you. Jaehyun, please understand that this is for the both of us."

"Y/N, I love you, and there is no one, especially you, who could make me stop." And he meant every word. Never in a million years would he ever let anyone talk to him the way you just did, but it didn't even register in his brain to be upset. Not when you stood there, food all over your apron, flour on your cute angry face.

You watched his hardened face begin to soften, realizing your words weren't getting through to him. He really did love you, and would be willing to do anything to keep you with him, and that scared you. Everyone knows how reckless and impulsive he is, and you did not want to be the reason for his impulsivity. With a heavy sigh, you shook your head as you looked at your feet.

"I'm scared," you confess.

"Of what?"

"If I am actually pregnant before the princess, I don't know what will become of me," you say.

"Nothing," he declared. "Nothing will become of you. I will protect you with my life, and I mean it."

"I don't need you to do that. What I need is space Jaehyun. I need you to give me as much space as we can get in this Castle." You watched his expression drop, sadness filling his eyes. He knew you were serious and didn't want to be apart from you for more than he could take, so for now he will agree, but not for long.

"Fine," he said, nodding. "I understand. But I need you to understand something also."

"And what is that?"

"I am your prince, and this is my castle." Jaehyun began to close the distance between the both of you, making you take steps back until you hit the counter. "You work for me, and any other royal under this roof, which means if I call for you, you must oblige."

"But Jaehyun, that's-"

"Do not question your prince." His body was dangerously close to yours, nose almost touching yours as he spoke. "You will do as I ask, understood?"

Jaehyun's lips ghosted above yours, trying so hard to not kiss you where you stood. His hands were folded behind his back as he breathed heavily. The tension was pressing on both of your chest, Jaehyun could feel your shaky breaths fanning on his face as you gulped. You could tell him a million times you didn't want him, but he knew that deep down, you wanted him. You needed him as much as he needed you.

He couldn't take the teasing anymore, eyes drooping as he stared down at your lips. Jaehyun didn't want to tell you, but he couldn't stop thinking about you since the night of the ball. Your body, your face, your voice. He didn't need to tell you though. Jaehyun is easy to read. The way he would stare at you when he caught a glimpse of you working, he would practically tear your clothes off with his eyes.

"I-I understand," you answered.

"Good. Now kiss me."

You locked your lips with his desperately, kissing him like your life depended on it. Jaehyun took his hands from behind his back, and placed them on your waist. Jaehyun pulled you close to him, mouth still on yours in a heated kiss. The feeling of your lips on his started to stir inside him, wanting to go further than just a kiss. He moved from your mouth to your jaw, kissing your face softly as you let your eyes flutter shut. Your hand moved to his cheek, cupping it softly.

"J-Jaehyun," you sigh softly.

That was almost enough to make him snap, but he held back and you could feel it in how hard he gripped your sides. "Just a little more Y/N. God, I've missed you so much." Jaehyun kisses down your neck, back to your face and on your lips. You moaned softly against his mouth, pushing him closer and closer to his limit. "You're killing me," he whined softly.

You missed his hands on you. You knew you wanted him all to yourself, and maybe you were being selfish at the moment indulging in his self destructive behaviors, but you needed him just one last time. You needed to feel his lips on yours, to know that he loves you and that he really did care.

"S-stop, we can't continue," you said against his lips. You were saying one thing, but your body told another story. You were leaning into him, holding him like you didn't want to let him go.

"Just a little more." He was now half hard under his pants. Jaehyun couldn't control himself when it came to you. You had so much power over him, and he secretly loved it.

"No, you have to go. Duties to tend to. And I have to tend to the kitchen."

Jaehyun finally let up, planting one more kiss before painfully pulling his entire body from you. You were the prettiest flustered mess he's ever seen. All he did was kiss you, but you were breathing heavily, blinking profusely. He couldn't help but stand there, smiling smugly to himself as he watched you attempt to gather yourself.

"I love you."

You looked up from your feet, Jaehyun's voice rattling you. There it was again, his sweet words coupled with his pretty face that always made your heart beat out your chest. You nodded, choosing to not respond to him.

"That was the last time Jaehyun. I mean it," you declared sternly.

He was still smiling to himself, nodding as you spoke. The both of you knew it wasn't going to be the last time, but he went along with what you said regardless.

"You agree, but you're not taking me seriously. I mean it Jaehyun," you repeated. "Now leave. We've been here for far too long."

"Of course, my lady. I will take my leave." He turned on his heels, walking towards the door. Before he left he turned to you, to say one more thing. "I will give you your space, but I want you to know that no matter what, I love you and will protect you at all cost."

"I understand," you sighed. "Now go, my prince."

You watched him walk out of the door, already feeling a longing for him. You knew it would probably be hard, but what you didn't know was that Jaehyun was going to make it near impossible.

Nothing between Jaehyun and Rose seemed to be getting better, and the staff in the castle are beginning to notice much more than before. Jaehyun leaves the castle a lot more often while Rose invites the women of the ton around more often. Being one of her main staff, you unfortunately had to be there with her and her constant complaints, like right now. 

You poured everyone's tea, making it just like how they all requested it as they sat around you, conversing about things you never cared about. Jewels, food, parties, whatever it was rich people did. None of it mattered to you. It's not like you could ever love that kind of life, no matter how much you wanted to. You were merely a maid, an old one at that. 

"So what exactly is it like being with the prince," Lady Clarke questioned, sipping her tea. Of course she wanted to know, all of the women wanted to know so they could gossip about it once they left. 

"Well, it's.." Rose paused. She had nothing positive to say. Her and Jaehyun practically lived separate lives, separate bedrooms, separate staff; they were split but together. "It's a bit of a handful, but he's delightful."

You sensed the strain in her voice when complimenting him, along with her eyes being into your soul. You were the only one blocking her blessings, but it wasn't your fault. Being very aware of her resentment towards you for failing to end things with him the night of their ball, you constantly tried to remain as far from her as possible. However, Jaehyun insisted you help her on this day almost as if he was trying to torment her with your presence. You had no idea what he was thinking, but it couldn't be anything good.  

"Your majesty, I'm sure you can give us more than that," Lady Webster chimed, making everyone laugh softly except for Rose. 

You rolled your eyes watching the show in front of you. The ton's attempt at trying to be secretive about their body questions was annoying to you. You wanted very well to tune out of the conversation until you heard one thing. 

"I heard there was a rumor of him having a mistress," another woman said. 

Your ears piped along with Rose's body stiffening at the topic. She glanced at you quickly, going unnoticed by the other women but not by you. The glint of envy and anger in her eyes will never go away, not as long as her husband's heart remains with you. You knew she didn't want him to love her, but sometimes you wondered if she wasn't completely true in her intentions with him. Rose had always been used to being the center of attention, princess or not. It was strange for her not to be the center of his attention. 

"Well, I know nothing of such a thing," Rose responded with a fake laugh.

The women of the ton laughed with her uncomfortably, giving each other worried glances. The room began to get stuffy, uncomfortable energy filling the space as they all went silent. You stood in the corner of the room, looking at the ground, because you knew you couldn't handle your facial expressions. 

"W-well, it's only a rumor. I have no idea where it came from. It's most likely not true," she said. 

"I mean, did you think it was true?" The princess's ice glare often scared whoever it landed on. She was beautiful and gracious, but never one to mess with. She wouldn't give you a second before out casting you. 

"P-princess, of course I don't think it's true," the woman backtracked. "In fact, I think it's horrible. My grace having a mistress? Simply tasteless." 

"I agree," Rose said, taking a sip of her tea. "Having a mistress is nothing new, but…" she looked at you, eyes meeting yours as she spoke. "Any woman who allows such things must be a whore, and I hate whores."

At this point, you were feeling a feeling you've never felt before. Was it guilt? Was it embarrassment? You didn't know, but your heart was beating out of your chest, anger rising the more she spoke. 

"The prince is better than what some people think. He would never be so low to be in relations with a mere maid or commoner. He's too good for them." 

Her words cut through your cool demeanor, a slight wince showing on your face as you kept your head down. You never wanted to admit it, but she was right. Jaehyun was way too good for you. The both of you were too different, which made it all the more difficult for him to leave you. Since the night of the ball, you couldn't stop thinking about what could become of you if you really were going to have a child. In a different universe, they would just force you to marry him. But here, you would be thrown out of the castle before he even knew about his illegitimate children. Suddenly, the call of your name snapped you out of your own head. 

"Y/N, dear, will you take these to the kitchen? I feel our friends here are finished drinking," Rose said with her perfect, pretty, fake smile. 

"Of course, you grace." Quickly, you grabbed everything, placing it on the tray on the table. Carefully you lifted the tray, making your way out the large bright room. 

All you wanted on this trip to the Castle's kitchen was to make it there quickly and undisturbed. However, your secret lover had other plans. As if he planned it, Jaehyun, his butler, and one of their staff turned the corner, walking the opposite direction of you.

Once he caught a glimpse of you, his stone cold face warmed up a bit, a smirk tugging on his lips. You looked elsewhere trying to avoid eye contact. You said you needed space from him, so why does he have to be everywhere? And why do you want to go wherever he's going? 

You walked a bit faster, trying to get past him and his staff when you tripped over your own feet. The cups on the tray rattled, porcelain threatening to tip over as you attempted to catch yourself and the metal tray. 

"Bailey, please help her," Jaehyun said, motioning his arm to you. His butler did as he said, rushing to your aid. Bailey took the tray from your hands carefully, temporarily relieving you of the stress of carrying it. 

"Hello," Jaehyun said to you, hands clasped behind his back. 

"Your grace." You curtseyed, glancing up at him to see an amused look on his face. 

"I sensed there was a lady who needed help so, here I am," he joked, but you remained serious. You knew why he came. It was simply to see you, to irk you, to speak to you. You already knew he wasn't going to take your words seriously but you didn't think he would disregard them in a couple of days. 

The both of you stood silently, you were more awkward than him, until he spoke. "I need you to help me with something," he said, tilting his head to the side a bit. 

"Yes, my grace, of course, but i-"

"Don't worry about Rose, I already sent someone else to help." Just at that moment, another maid walked past quickly going into the room with all the ladies. 

You looked at him, eyes narrowing as he gave you that smug look you could never stand. If I call for you, you must oblige. You could curse him for those words, but unfortunately you weren't in private. "I understand your grace but-"

"I'm sorry," he chuckled dryly. Jaehyun took a small step closer to you followed by his guard, looking down at you with glossy eyes. He loves this "game" he thinks he's playing with you. The push and pull, tug of war. "Are you telling your prince no?" 

"Your grace-" 

"You know you shouldn't disobey your prince." Jaehyun spoke in a low, soft way, his tone gentle as he watched you. You were really trying to hold your own in this silent battle between you and him, but the way his tongue slips out against his lips, wetting them slightly is making your mind reel. He was so close, too close. You could hear his breathing and the way he looked at you made you feel like he was going to pounce on you. Unfortunately, you wanted him too. 

Your heart was starting to Beat out of your chest, hands becoming clammy as you looked up at him. You gulped, pinching your lips together. 

"So," he said, eyes darting to your lips. "You will come with me and help, yes?" 

"Yes my grace."

"Good. At 6, Bailey will come get you, understood?" 

"Yes my grace."

"Good. See you then."

-

Jaehyun crashed his lips onto yours, hands traveling all over your body, nothing but your slip keeping your skin from contact. His big hands groped every inch of you, arms wrapping around your body encasing you in his strength.

"Jaehyun, please slow down," you whine softly, eyes closed and brows furrowed as he kissed down your neck.

"I-I'm sorry I just really missed you," he said into your neck. Light of the sunset through the windows lit your face perfectly. "Get on the bed."

"You have to let go of me first."

Jaehyun gave you a small laugh, unwrapping his arms from around you. He watched you back away from him slowly, eyes never leaving your body as you laid on the bed. There you were, laying there just for him. Just like he wanted.

Jaehyun climbed on top of you, a small gasp leaving your lips when you felt the weight of his body on the bed. Jaehyun kissed you again, this time like his life depended on it. Your lips moved in harmony, the both of you in absolute bliss. When you kissed each other it felt like nothing else mattered, no one else mattered. Jaehyun wanted this forever, but you knew it could only be temporary.

Jaehyun kissed down your neck and along your collarbone softly, making your body rise in temperature. "You know," he said against your skin softly," you are doing a terrible job at keeping your distance from me."

"I had no choice," you sighed, fingers playing in his hair. "You sent your butler for me."

"Because I knew if I came, you would've refused." Jaehyun crawled down your body, watching you as you watched him. He took his right hand, grabbing the fabric that laid on your skin and pushing it up. The man chuckled, watching you shudder when the cool air hit your skin. His eyes darkened watching you try and close your legs, he opened them gripping your ankles firmly.

"Don't hide from me," he said softly. Jaehyun leaned down, face getting closer and closer between your legs. This was new, something you've never done before and you didn't know how to process it.

"W-what are you doing," you questioned, eyes wild with panic.

"I want to taste you." The breath from his lips was hitting your inner thigh. He watched you give him that look of complete bliss as he kissed the skin softly. "Will you allow me to?"

"Y-yes."

Jaehyun smiled against your skin, still looking into your eyes as he kissed your thighs again. Your breath hitch in your throat when you feel his soft lips on your swollen bud. He kisses it again, licking it softly as he watches your body twitch at the unfamiliar sensation. He wanted this for a long time, hands gripping the underside of your thighs holding your legs apart. Your soft sighs were like music to his ears, tongue still licking at you slowly as he allowed you to get more comfortable with the feeling.

"God," you sighed, hands reaching for his hair.

"Do you like it?" Jaehyun smiles to himself when you nod, wrapping his lips around your clit, sucking the bud of nerves softly. He feels your legs shake when the sensation shoots up your body.

Your fingers find themselves in his dark brown locks, eyes fluttering shut as he continues at a slow pace. Jaehyun gives you a slight pinch, making your body jump. You looked between your legs, his eyes dark with lust.

"Look at me," he said, voice deep. " Keep your eyes on me. I want you to think of this every time you see me."

Your body trembles, whines and whimpers, escaping your lips when Jaehyun goes all in on you. His tongue and lips move skillfully between your legs, the pleasure multiplying by a hundred. Jaehyun licked up your arousal, instantly becoming drunk off the taste of you. He needed this, he wanted this, to feel and be closer to you than ever before. To taste you, feel you, be lost in you.

Your brows furrowed, gulping at the way he flicked his tongue on your clit. His hands were still on your thighs, holding them so tight his fingertips were imprinted by now.

"J-Jaehyun, you feel so good," you whined softly. You pulled his hair making him look at you darkly. The way his tongue moved left you speechless, especially when the muscle made its way inside you, making your jaw drop slightly. "Oh God.."

He smirked to himself, tongue fucking you as he watched you lose yourself on the bed. If he could do this every day forever he would. Jaehyun's brows scrunched, feeling your hips move against his tongue. He watched your desperation rake all over your body, right hand no longer in his hair but on your nipples, pulling and twisting it. You tried hard to watch him, but you had no choice but to let your head fall back onto the bed taking in everything he was giving you.

Any other day, he would've stopped and made you look at him, but seeing you in absolute bliss, completely unable to control yourself was imprinted in his brain. "So pretty," he said, slurping your juices.

You felt Jaehyun take one hand off your leg, your head jolting up wondering if he was finished already. "D-don't stop yet," you whimpered softly.

"Don't worry my love," he cooed. Jaehyun took two fingers to your entrance, rubbing it slowly. You were so wet, fingertips glistening in the ray of sunshine that peeked through the stain glass. "You love me this much?"

You covered your face in embarrassment, knees coming together as your face heated up, but all he did was pull them apart. Jaehyun gently pulled your arms from your face, staring at you with a smile. "Don't hide from me," he whispered gently. Jaehyun took his hand back between your legs, circling his fingertips against your soaking entrance, sinking them inside of you. His face twisted in pleasure with your in unison, watching your eyes flutter shut once he gave you the stretch you needed. He pumped his fingers in you slowly, taking in your small whines.

Jaehyun watched as you reached for his other hand, holding your leg, taking it and pulling it towards your body, placing his rough palms on your breast.

"Touch me, please."

You have no idea the power you have over him. He's like putty in your hands at the moment, but you're so oblivious in how much he actually loves you, how much he wants to make you feel good. Jaehyun loves it when you whimper, when your voice cracks from the overwhelming amount of pleasure like just now.

He kept fingering you, squeezing and pinching your chest adding more pleasure. He couldn't get enough of the way you arched into his hand, grinded your body into his fingers. "That's it," he mumbled softly. "Keep going."

You were so wet, your arousal all over your inner thighs and his hands. Even the bed was wet, but neither you or Jaehyun had the chance to notice. Not when he was starting to speed up his fingers. You gulped, brows furrowing as you moaned softly.

"Jaehyun.."

Your eyes were now opened, vision flickering between his face and his hands. You loved that look he gave you. The gentle, but dominant expression on his face. As if his only purpose was to make you feel good. You would never tell him but you craved it. You craved his attention no matter how much you pushed him away. You craved that look in his eye when you felt like the only girl in the world.

"Doesn't it feel good," he mumbled, a small smile grazing his lips. He licked his lips, watching your body shiver under his touch, your cunt squeezing around his fingers. Jaehyun means down, nipple rolling between his fingers as he kisses you on your neck tenderly.

You nodded, hand cradling the back of his head as he kissed your skin. Jaehyun lifted his head, eyes darting straight to your lips. You missed each other softly as you moaned softly into his mouth. Kisses soon turned into lips touching, pants and whimpers filling the air as he worked his hand inside of you. The curl of his fingers left you gasping for air, back arching onto his chest.

"Jaehyun, please. I'm so close," you said, voice cracking into a whisper. Just at that moment, he pulled his fingers out of you, the high you desperately wanted to reach snatched away from you. "N-no," you whined.

"Don't worry, Y/N.."

You watched him, mouth gone dry, as he undressed himself. First, his shirt, then his shoes, then everything else. You laid watching him become bare in front of you. This is the most skin you've ever seen from him and surprisingly, you weren't that off put. You always knew he had a perfect body. He was fit, muscular everywhere. Arms, legs , chest, your eyes naturally stopped in his middle, making him grin.

"I love seeing you like this," he said, eyes glazing over your body as he climbed on top of you. Jaehyun spread your legs wider, chuckling softly when you jumped underneath him. He lines himself with you, rubbing his tip against your folds slowly as he watches you with lidded eyes."Do you want this as much as I do?"

Before you could even get out an answer, he pushed himself in you slowly, the feeling of you around him making him hiss. You let out a strangled whimper, head falling back onto the mattress. "Yes," you nodded. "I want this so much."

Jaehyun thrusted in you long and slow, not wanting to end this too quickly. He wanted to be wrapped up like this with you forever, skin on skin, listening to your heart beat, taking in every single breath. He was completely wrapped up in your body, scent, sound that he didn't hear knocking on the door. Not until you spoke.

"J-Jaehyun, someone's knocking," you said panicked but all he did was look down at you with a smile, continuing his pace.

"Don't worry about it," he said softly.

"Your majesty, there's someone here to see you," Bailey said from outside the door.

"Tell them I'm busy and I'll be out in a minute," he yelled back, hands still on your body. Turning his attention back to you, he notices the dress in your brows, giving away your worries.

"Stop worrying," he whispered, kissing you. "Just be quiet for me."

Jaehyun started thrusting in your faster, the crease in your brows depending as he went deep into you. You were a mess. You bit your lip hard, trying to keep yourself from making any unbecoming sounds after he told you to quiet, but Jaehyun had no idea how good you felt at the moment. Sweat collecting on your face, body as hot as a stove as he continued to drive himself into you.

Reaching up, you pulled him down to your body kissing him hard, his mouth collecting your moans to muffle them. His hips moved melodically, making you pull away from his lip and whimpers against his mouth. You opened your eyes to see him staring right at you, his pretty face glistening with sweat. Jaehyun rested his forehead against yours, eyes never leaving you as his thrust became more erratic.

"I love you so much," he groaned softly. He took one of your hands from his neck, placing it between the both of you. "Touch yourself, let yourself go for me darling."

"Jaehyun, oh God." His name fell from your mouth like water as you rubbed your clit along with his thrust. You pulsed around him, squeezing around his cock over and over and over again. And for some reason, despite your protest from the last time, you didn't want him to pull out.

You wanted him, all of him. You know how wrong it is, to have the children of a married man. The prince's bastard children. But in the moment it felt so good, so right. But you can't have that, not now, not ever.

You came hard around him, your choked moans erupting from your throat louder than you hoped. Jaehyun didn't seem to care, still thrusting into your sensitive hole. You were weak, unable to keep yourself quiet any longer. Your whines and whimpers filled the space, body still tangled in his.

"Tell me you love me," he said in your ear.

Your brain was so foggy, pleasure filling every thought in your mind. "I love you," you moaned breathlessly.

Jaehyun's orgasm crashed into him, the man pulling out of you just in time making sure to make the same mistake he did a week ago. He held onto you tight, grip so tight on your waist it stung. He tried to hold himself up, but he was so weak at the moment he crashed right on top of you. But you didn't mind. You basked in his warmth, your breaths matching his as the both of you came down from your highs.

A couple of beats of silence passed by before anyone spoke. "I love you Y/N," he said against your skin.

Lots of time has passed and you haven't heard from or spoken to Jaehyun. You've seen him in the halls of course, walking past or taking a peek out of the window. He looked good like always. Regal, handsome, yours. He wasn't yours though, he was Rose's. He was her's and despite telling yourself that it was never going to be you, you hated it.

You tried not to hate it, but it became increasingly difficult seeing them together, playing house when you knew they disliked each other so much. Working so closely with Rose and over hearing her chats with the ton didn't make it easier. She didn't care how badly she talked about anything in front of these women. Calling other maids names, being rude to you, sometimes lying to make her life as queen look better than it actually was.

Unfortunately for you, you couldn't rest on this night. You and the rest of the staff were running around the palace for the current ball taking place on the palace grounds. You wanted to focus so badly on your task but every time you see Jaehyun, you want to run to him. Good thing he gave you a note saying to meet him at 12. It was now 11:55, so you were on your way sneaking away from the party of nobles and royals.

You made haste quickly. No one would notice you were gone, guests were half way drunk, other maids had their hands full, guards watching the perimeter like hawks. You didn't see Jaehyun, assuming he was at the meeting spot. Rose was strangely away, but you thought nothing of it. Slipping past the crowd of people was like second nature. You walked into the palace and went straight up the stairs. Your footsteps were quiet as there was supposed to be no one there at the moment.

Your senses were heightened, not wanting to get caught in the empty hallway. But you noticed something strange. Rose's bedroom door was open. No one should've been there at the moment. You know who shouldn't check, every second away from Jaehyun means less and less time with him, despite wanting space. But you walked in against your better judgment.

And there she was. Rose stood on her balcony silently gazing out at the ocean right across from her. Her hair blew in the wind, adding much to her beard in the scene already. She looked… sad, content. Like she was lost in thoughts. It was unlike her, but you couldn't help. All you had to do was slip back out and get to Jaehyun as soon as-

"Don't leave so quickly," she said, making you jump. "I promise you'll have your time with him."

She spoke quietly and softly as if she didn't want anyone else to hear. You had no idea what she was going to do or say, but stayed put nonetheless. You felt the cool air from the ocean on your skin, making you shiver as Rose turned to face you. The only other source of light was the candle near the doorway lighting you up.

"I don't hate you," she said, hands folded to her front. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting."

A few beats of silence passed before you spoke. "You have nothing to apologize for my grace."

You and her knew that was a lie. She'd been terrible to you since she found out about your relationship with the prince. You never expected her to apologize. Royals never apologize, feeling like they can say or do whatever because of their status.

"There's a lot of people relying on me. I'm sure you understand," she said softly. "My home country… everyday we are on the verge of war and I…"

"I, too, had someone."

Your breath hitched at her sudden confession, staring at the mix of longing and sadness in her eyes. Rose sighed, looking down at the ground as she swallowed hard. You never would've guessed she had any part of her life that wasn't shrouded by her responsibilities as a princess.

"What happened," you asked quietly.

"We were together, but…we knew it would never last." Rose released a shaky sigh, closing her eyes to try and stop herself from tearing up. "Everyday, I miss him."

"Did you love him?"

Rose opened her eyes, mouth parting slightly to answer, but all she did was keep quiet and nod. Her hands were still crossed, but she was squeezing them tightly trying not to get too emotional the moment.

"We were inseparable in that castle, just like you and Jaehyun. The both of you remind me of us so much, it makes me sad. My parents forbade me to marry a commoner and sent me here. I knew absolutely no one or anything about this place. Everyday I just want to be with him. When I see you and Jaehyun, I feel…. I don't know how I feel."

"I-I'm sorry," you say, making her scoff.

"Please do not pity me. I knew what my life would be as soon as I was out of the womb," she mumbled pointedly. "I just wish that he could be here, that's all. Even if I couldn't stay with him in the way that I wanted, I just wish he was near me."

"What's his name," you asked.

"John," she answered shortly. "He's a knight. Tall, strong, courageous."

You watched her soften when talking about him. If Jaehyun could tell people about the both of you, is this how he would be? You wondered if he would look as in love as Rose did at the moment. "Well, I'm sure John misses you also."

"I want him to miss me as much as I miss him, but the last time we saw each other…" Rose stopped talking, a frown on her lips as she recounted the memories of their last meeting. "I don't even know if he's a knight anymore."

"My grace, I'm sure whatever happened was not-"

"My parents - the king and queen - caught us Y/N," she said, a slight shadow of guilt slashing across her face.

You knew how serious this was, especially for a princess. Sleeping with a knight? If word got out, it would be the end of her. women were supposed to be angels, pure. For you, it didn't matter much, you were just a maid after all. But Rose knew what that could mean for her.

"I was too stupid to say no to his advances because I loved him so much and without thinking we… did something we weren't supposed to. It reminds me of you and Jaehyun."

You tilted your head not understanding her words. "I don't understand, my grace."

"Do you think people don't see the way you look at each other? The way his gaze lingers on you or how the two of you run off for minutes or hours at a time? I know you might think it's not that serious but once you're in deep, you can hardly tell when you should dig yourself out." Rose let out a frustrated sigh, groaning as her perfect princess stature melted away for a second. She rested her face in her hands, giving you a deep sigh. "What I'm trying to say is I barely know the both of you and I don't want you or him to end up like John and I. He watched me leave him for good because of a mistake we made together. Yes, I am jealous of you both but I am only a person."

"Princess, I understand. I-"

"No," she said sternly, taking a step towards you. "I know you think that because I told you this, you think you understand me but you don't. I am here in a place where I do not belong. I did not ask to be here. I am in a country that I know nothing about. I do not know the food, the customs, the people, let alone their royal family. I am here to prevent my home from being destroyed in a war. With you and Jaehyun running around, unable to bear a child, I cannot make sure that my country is safe. I cannot make sure that John is safe."

All her words hit you like a storm. You always understood that this marriage was hard for her, going from one place to another, but you never imagined that it would take this much of a toll on her. Rose always puts up a strong front, never allowing people to know or hear her weaknesses. Her reputation for being ice cold didn't just come from nowhere, but now you've seen a new side of her. You didn't know if it was caring or just pure panic. She was genuinely distraught about the possibility of not being able to have a child with the prince. And for the first time in a while, you felt for her. You pitied her.

"Princess," you called out, breaking the silence. "I fear the prince and I may have-"

"Enough." You turned around, startled, when seeing Jaehyun walking to the room. He grabbed your wrist, face lit with irritation. "I heard every word. Y/N, I need to speak to you now. Rose, I will speak to you later."

"Jaehyun–"

You didn't get much of a say in the matter as you dragged out of the room, the door slamming behind him. He pulled you down the hall in silence. His grip on your wrist tightened the faster he walked, both of your footsteps filling the silence. Jaehyun pulled you into the castle's library, which was very empty at the moment. The dust sparkled in the air, shining in the moonlight hiding behind the stained glass. It was dark, the only thing keeping you from bumping into a shelf was the tiny bit of light shining in the middle.

Jaehyun pulled you into an assortment of unorganized piles of books, moving through them like a maze as you tried your hardest to not trip over your own feet. He still hadn't said a word to you but you could tell he was furious. Jaehyun took you and pinned you against the shelf.

"What did I tell you?"

His voice was strangely calm, making you furrow your brows. You stared at him, analyzing his face. "Jaehyun, what are you talking about?"

"If I call for you, you must oblige," he said echoing his words from a while ago.

"Jaehyun, we were talking-"

"I don't care what you were doing. I don't want her putting strange thoughts in your head."

You scoffed, pushing his body away from yours. "She's not putting thoughts in my head. You seem to forget that I am my own person with my own thoughts."

"Y/N, I know you are your own person, but I worry that-"

"You worry what, hm? That I'll tell you we need time apart? That I'll end this for good and break your heart," you interrupt. You watch Jaehyun's exasperated expression fall flat.

"Well is that what you want? Do you want to end this and break my heart?"

"Goodness, Jaehyun, no I do not want to end this," you whined frustrated. "But we have not been careful. I tried to put up some kind of a wall between us but I love you too much."

"We have been careful Y/N. No one but my mother and Rose knows," he said, grabbing your hands, but you took them away from him.

"And do you think what happened in your office was us being careful? It was the day after your wedding and I could be pregnant right now," you said with a frown. "I will be thrown out of this castle and never see you again. Is that what you want?"

"I won't let that happen," he declared. Jaehyun sounded confident but he clearly lacked the resolve. It would happen whether he wanted it to or not. There wasn't much he could do but cherish his time with you and that's exactly what he was going to do.

"You know you can't do that. You know you have no control over that. This is a mess, all of this is-"

Jaehyun grabbed your face, kissed you hard, shutting you up. You stumbled, back hitting the bookshelf as he caressed your cheeks with his thumbs. You began to melt into his touch, letting your eyes shut as you kissed him back softly. Jaehyun pulled away slowly, watching you open your eyes to look at him.

"I don't want to fight anymore," he mumbled. "I'm sorry for everything. I just don't want to fight with you. I love you."

"I understand. Don't blame yourself." You looked at him with a slight pout, hurt filling your heart seeing him so distraught.

"It's my fault. All of this is my fault. If these really are my last moments with you, can we spend them doing something else instead." Jaehyun couldn't control himself, eyes flickering to your lips to your neck.

Jaehyun was clearly not in the right frame of mind and neither were you, so you obliged despite the little voice in your head telling you no. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you pulled him to you, kissing him deeply. Jaehyun followed your rhythm, arms wrapping around your waist. His lips molded with your naturally, sighing softly finally feeling the weight being lifted off his chest.

You slowly took your arms from around his neck, lips never parting as you began to remove his jacket. Jaehyun took his arms from around you and took the fabric off. You made your way to his waist, unbuttoning the tiny objects. Jaehyun smiled against your lips knowing you always struggled with his buttons.

"Allow me," he mumbled, removing your hands. Jaehyun unbuttoned his clothes with ease, lips still on yours the whole way through. You reached behind you removing your apron, letting it drop on the ground. Jaehyun pulled away from you, spinning your body around without saying a word. His fingers worked on the buttons, eyes boring into the back of your neck. The tension and the sound of fabric moving was enough to fill the silence. Once he finished, he pulled the dress off your shoulders gently, taking in the way his fingertips gilded against your skin.

Your breath hitched as you turned your head to face him. He stared at you with heavy lidded eyes, pupils dilated with lust. He kissed you, hands still on your dress. He pulled the sleeves off your arms, pushing it directly to the floor. Pulling away from him, you stepped out of the puddle of clothes. You turned to him, pulling his body to yours. Jaehyun placed his hands on your waist, squeezing it softly as he kissed your neck. You reached up sighing blissfully at the feeling of his lips on your skin and pulled the shirt off him, leaving his upper half completely bare.

Jaehyun shuddered under your touch, pulling away and watching you as you ran your hands down his chest. Your chest moved rapidly, heart racing being in this compromising position.

"You're so pretty," he whispered, kissing your forehead.

You didn't say anything, just simply stood there with begging eyes.

"What do you want me to do," he said, eyes darting all over your clothed body.

"Anything. Do anything to me."

Without being told twice, Jaehyun dropped to his knees in front of you. There was something so unnatural about seeing him on his knees. Jaehyun would never be on his knees for anyone or anything, his pride would never allow it. He's never begged or cried for anything in his life being a man of great power and influence. But you're different. He'd gladly beg and cry for you. He'd kiss your feet if you asked.

You watch him sink to his knees, gulping deeply as he looks up at you with an intense stare. The library is still fairly dark, but you can see him clearly. Something about him being on his knees for you made your mind race, making you grow hotter and hotter.

"I want to taste you Y/N," he said quietly. "Can I?"

You nodded, hands clinging to the only other clothing on your body. You pulled the undergarment up, exposing your body to the man below you. Jaehyun took your hips in his hands, fingertips tickling you as he ran them up and down your skin. Jaehyun pressed small intimate kisses on your thighs watching you through his long lashes. You were breathing heavily, so turned on by the feel of his lips on your legs.

Jaehyun continued to stare up at you as he nudged himself between your legs, licking your pussy softly. Your body jerked, the feeling sending a familiar sensation through your body. He licked again, digging his tongue into you slightly. Jaehyun smirked to himself when you spread your legs wider. He took his hand from your hips to your waist, caressing every inch of you while licking you over and over again.

Jaehyun's tongue moved skillfully, relishing in the sounds you let out above him. You tasted so good to him, he was definitely addicted and he knew it. He needed this all the time, to be under you, pleasuring you and making you feel good. He ate you out passionately, licking and sucking on every bit of you.

"W-wait, do that again," you moaned quietly.

"This?" Jaehyun wrapped his lips around your clit, sucking it. His brows furrowed feeling your legs trembling. The sight of you alone would make him cum, but he wouldn't mind that at all.

"God, yes," you whimpered. You pulled your slip up further, hands tightening on the fabric as you watched him with glassy eyes.

"You like it this much?" Without letting you answer, he sucked your clit hard. Jaehyun's cock jumped in his pants hearing your loud whine echo in the dark room. He took a hand off your waist, fingers trailing down your stomach right above your pussy. Jaehyun removed his mouth from your clit only to lift the hood with his thumb, staring at the swollen bud with a smug smile.

"I love this pretty clit," he muttered under his breath. Jaehyun took his other hand off your waist as he flicked his tongue on your clit, fingers creeping up your legs. It was all too much, every word, movement, breath. You were overstimulated like hell, but you enjoyed it.

You felt Jaehyun begin to rub your inner thigh gently, biting your lip softly. Jaehyun slowly pushed two fingers into your soaking core, making you gasp softly at the sudden feeling. Unconsciously, you began to move your hips in his mouth and fingers. Jaehyun furrowed his brows, fingers pumping in you trying to keep up your pace. He stopped flicking your clit, placing a soft kiss on the sensitive spot"And to think you thought you could stay away from me," he said, kissing your thighs. "Do you think you still can?"

"N-no," you stuttered, hips still grinding at a steady pace. Sweat glistened on your forehead, heavy breathing and soft whimpers flooding Jaehyun's ears and all he can think about is how wet, warm, and tight you are around his fingers.

Jaehyun swallows hard, his erection becoming painfully tight underneath his pants. But he can't get up just yet. You look beautiful from this view and he wishes he could be here all the time. He begins to like and suck your clit again, making you whine loudly.

"Cum for me. Cum on my tongue and fingers."

He kept sucking your clit, pumping his fingers in you faster than your pace. The squelching noises of your dripping cunt rang through his ears.

"I'm so close," you whined. You let go of your dress with one hand, reaching down to grab his hair. You pulled him closer to your body, leaning back onto the shelf. The smell of books and sex intoxicated your nose, senses at an all time high as you began to feel yourself come closer and closer.

Jaehyun felt you squeeze around his fingers, eyes stuck on your face as you came above him. Your breathy whimpers and furrowed brows turning him on even more. You let go of his hair, body shaking from the intense orgasm. Jaehyun stood up, fingers still inside you. He kissed you hard, the taste of yourself on his lips tongue exciting you. Jaemin pulls his fingers out of you, pulling away from your lips as he stuck them in his own mouth, sucking you cum and arousal off the digits.

"Jaehyun, don't do things like that," you say, heat creeping across your skin as you watch him.

Jaehyun chuckles to himself, your words moving through him like air. In a split second you, he forcefully turns you around so that you're pressed against the case. Your face smudged on the backs and fronts of books and his hands pulled up your dress, all in a silent swift motion.

"You need me," he said quietly but sternly in your ear.

You remained silent, unable to concentrate on giving an answer unbuttoning his pants. Jaehyun pulled his hard cock out, already leaking precum. Jaehyun grabs your hips, pulling them closer to him. Taking his cock in his hand, he lines himself with your entrance.

"You love me," he whispered, sinking himself into your body with ease. Your heart beats fast as your head falls back onto his shoulder, ass arching against him in the best way possible. Jaehyun's chest was pressed against your back, forcing you to feel his sporadic breathing as you squeezed around him.

"Don't ever try and run away from me," he says in a deep, low tone. Jaehyun thrust in you slowly and steadily, savoring every single second. "You said we needed a break, but here we are" – he kisses the back of your ear, his breathy moans making your heart flutter – "once again pressed against each other."

Jaehyun's words should've alarmed you. You should've wanted this to stop as soon as he opened his mouth, but every word he said was true. You can't stay away from him. You're not as strong as you thought you were and probably never will be. You shivered feeling his fingers pull down the thick strap of your slip, his lips kissing your shoulder softly.

"You like this don't you? The sneaking around, the sweet things I tell you, the sacrifices I'm willing to make." Jaehyun dings his fingers into your sides, pulling you closer to him as he thrust deeper and deeper into you. Your shaky breaths turn into moans, brows scrunched as you pressed your face against the shelf. "Say it. Say you like it."

"I-I like it," you moan breathlessly.

He begins to thrust in you faster, the rhythm in his hips making you close your eyes. "I love you so much," he says, lips brushing on the lip of your ear. The warmth from his body wrapped around you, allowing you to melt into his body. Your hands held onto the structure in front of you, fingers gripping onto whatever was left of the book covered shelves.

"Jaehyun, oh my God," you whimpered softly. Jaehyun thrusted into you harder, the movement making the old wooden case creak, the sound echoing in the room.

"You're stuck with me, my love. How does that make you feel," he groaned softly. Jaehyun wrapped an arm around your waist, pressing you even closer.

"So good.."

Jaehyun moved his hand towards the middle of your legs, fingers rubbing your clit at a steady pace. He moved this other hand off your waist, placing it on top of yours that was clinging to the shelf. Clasping your hands together, his head drops in the crook of your neck, kissing and sucking the skin gently. Your hips moved with him, whines and groans filling the space.

"Jaehyun..shit.."

A dark chuckle rang in your ear, instantly turning you on even more. That was the first time you've ever sworn in front of him. You always kept up good manners whenever you were around him that he never even knew you swore in the first place. He took his hand off yours, turning your chin to face him. Jaehyun kissed you, hard and sloppy which was so out of the norm for him. He never did anything sloppy, not even the way he went down on you was sloppy.

"I'm about to cum," you whimpered on his lips.

"Hold on for me. I want us to cum together." His voice was deliciously raspy and deep as he pounded into you. You loved moments like this. The moments where your both were so wrapped in each other you forgot the kind of situation you were in. The moment where no one and anything else mattered.

He kept thrusting, his low grunts sending a wave of emotions through your body. That's when you felt your thoughts shift in the most surprising way possible. You wanted all of him. You needed all of him. "Cum in me. I..I need it."

Jaehyun didn't question you or have any doubts. All he did was kiss behind your ear, his soft raspy moans wrapping around you. You felt the muscles in your stomach get tight, your whine and whimpers getting higher in pitch. 

"That's it Y/N, keep going just like that." Jaehyun held your waist tight, gripping you tight as you bounced on him meeting his movements. You reach back, hand on the back of his neck as you pull him to your mouth kissing him hard. And that's when the both of you feel it, both becoming undone in the intense wave of your orgasms. Loud moans and heavy breathing filled the empty space, the echo bouncing off the walls. 

Tired and worn out, both of you stood there. In the silence of each other's heavy breathing, choosing not to speak about the fact that he came inside you once again. You just wanted to feel like it was real for a second, because if you really were pregnant, it would just mean that illusion would be broken. And now the possibility of it happening now or later was too near, but that wasn't on your mind. All that was on your mind was Jaehyun, how he looked, how he walked, how he talked. The both of you stayed this way for a little while longer, taking in each other, pretending that everything was okay and perfect. 

But what neither of you knew was that things were about to get more complicated than either of you could've imagined. 

Sick.

You feel sick. 

It's not like you've never felt sick before, but you had no reason to to feel sick. You haven't drank, since you're not allowed to, all of the food was fine, you didn't have a fever, you didn't have any other sickness. But somehow you felt nauseous, your stomach turning and breath getting heavy. You had already used yourself from the rest of the kitchen And was now in a bathroom, kneeling in front of a toilet. 

"This cannot be happening," you mumbled to yourself, clutching your abdomen. You felt your throat turn hot as you began to heave into the toilet. You committed hard, your entire body shaking as you gripped the bowl. The smell was putrid making your frown as you pushed yourself back into your feet. 

Without thinking, you caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You looked like you always did, but something felt different. All the events that have taken place within the recent weeks plague your mind making your frown deeper. You were disappointed in yourself. Disappointed in how easy you let yourself be taken by him. Disappointed in how much you liked it. You felt remorseful for your future self because you had a feeling something wasn't right.

You shake the thoughts from your head and wash your mouth out diligently before stepping out of the bathroom. You opened the door walking out quickly only to slam into another hard surface. Completely disoriented, you stumble back not understanding what you could've walked into. 

“Apologies, my lady. I did not see you coming.” 

The voice made you freeze, your eyes widened as you looked back at him. You were silent, not realizing how truly startled you looked to him. It was almost as if he knew what you were thinking, what was happening. What was going to happen. The longer you stared, the more shaken you became. You really could be pregnant with the child of the man you're in love with, but why didn't you feel happy about it? 

“I'm sorry, is everything alright,” Jaehyun questioned, giving you a look of concern. He reached out to place a hand on your shoulder but you moved away before he could touch you. 

“I'm fine. Thank you, your grace.” 

Jaehyun watched you in confusion when you gave him a slight bow, walking past him in a hurry. But he's a resilient man. He won't let you get away that easily. Jaehyun follows you, catching up to you when you grab the handle to the kitchen door. Jaehyun's rough hands wrap around your wrist, making you both freeze. 

“Talk to me,” he says, brows knitted. 

“What are you doing? We are in a hallway,” you whispered in annoyance. 

“I'm not going to allow you to avoid me again. Tell me what's going on.” His tone was hard and stern, but his eyes were soft. His grip loosened as he stood there watching your expression soften into worry. 

“I can not tell you until I'm sure,” you said looking at your feet. You looked at him, a small frown on the corner of his mouth. 

“Do you not trust me?” 

You sigh, pulling your wrist from his hand. “It is not you I don't trust, it is myself. Please let me figure all this out. I will tell you.” 

Jaehyun gave you an unsure look, his eyes narrowing at your words. 

“I promise,” you said, placing your hands on your heart. Just then, you heard footsteps, and immediately withdrew your sentimental look, straightening up in front of the prince. You folded your hands in front of yourself, looking at him emotionless. Just as you bow and come up, Rose walks down the hall, looking directly at you.

She walks up to the both of you, standing in the distance you created. “Great. I've been looking for you,” she said looking at Jaehyun, barely paying you any mind. “I figured you'd be nearby.” 

“Has something happened,” he asked, raising a brow. He shot you a small glance, needing to look at you for some comfort. 

“Yes it is about our standing with the public..” she took his arm, dragging him away from you with haste, but it relieved you. You wanted to be alone at the moment, not around anyone who knew what was going on, or around any drama. You were stressed and it wasn't going to get better with their problems being shoved in your face.

But now you were alone, not one else to distract you or purge the impending doom that plagued your mind. And that made you ever more sick. 

-

White.

Clear.

Clean.

Those were all things you did not want to see, all signs of the thing you feared the most. You had no time to sit and cry and grovel, you had to act accordingly.

Breathe. Breathe.

But you can't breathe. You feel like the walls are closing in. The pretty sunlight shining through your small window is completely contrasting the metaphorical dark cloud hanging over your head. Everyone that knows you thinks you're calm and collected and can handle anything with ease. But this might be the one time you lose your mind.

You didn't even realize that tears were streaming down your face till you moved to wipe them, completely unaware of how long you've been standing there. There was no way you could have a child, let alone with the prince. The reality of never seeing or speaking to him again was definite and there was nothing you could do about it. But you had to suck it up and tell him anyway.

Wiping your face clear of tears, you leave your room, dusting the nonexistent dust from your dress. These next couple of days would likely be the last time you would ever wear it. You never really liked the outfit but grew used to it after a while.

Soon, you made it to the main hallway, walking through like normal. Walking up the stairs to the second floor, you feel yourself becoming nauseous the closer you get to Jaehyun's office. You can't tell if you're experiencing pregnancy symptoms or if you just aren't ready to tell him.

But you couldn't wait now. You were already in front of his office door by the time the thoughts in your brain were done racing. Your hand trembled as you raised it, hesitating to knock on the door.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

You heard shuffling behind the door, gulping at what was to come later. The door flung open, only for you to be faced with a very irritated Rose, Jaehyun sitting on the couch in the background. Your breath hitched, eyes going back and forth between the two of them. What were they doing? What were they talking about? Why should it matter, she was his wife and you weren't.

“You have impeccable timing, don't you,” Rose spoke, breaking the silence between the two of you. You glanced at Jaehyun who was looking at you past Rose. Your heart pumped watching a smile spread on his lips. It hurts.

Rose moved further into the room, her extravagant dress taking up so much space. You walked in, shutting the door behind you. Every nerve in your body prickled with suspense, every second rose spent glaring at you made you want to run away and hide. You weren't scared of her, but you were scared of her reaction.

“Why are you here,” she said, crossing her arms across her chest.

You needed to answer honestly. “I came to see Jaehyun.”

“His grace,'' Rose corrected, a scowl on her face. “in my presence, you will address him properly.”

“Rose, it's okay,” Jaehyun said, rising to his feet.

“No it's not. I don't care for whatever you two have. Around me, keep it at bay,” she argued, rolling her eyes.

You glanced at Jaehyun who was staring at your lips. It was obvious he wanted to kiss you, and you wanted to kiss him too. Jaehyun finally felt like the two of you were beginning to patch whatever issue you had, but he hadn't been alone with you since the day in the hall. As understanding of the situation that he is, he wishes you could just talk to him and not run and hide.

“I-I need to speak to him. Privately.”

Rose glared at you and then at Jaehyun, eyes shifting around the room. Your hands were sweating and trembling. This is not how you wanted this to go. You just wanted to tell Jaehyun and he tell Rose. Goodness, you felt like you were going to vomit again, the nerves now making you feel nauseous and weak.

“I'm not going to leave,”Rose declared.

Jaehyun groaned, pushing his hair back annoyed. “Rose, give us a moment-”

“No I will not. My husband and the woman he's sleeping with are constantly sneaking around and I won't stand for it anymore,” she said, voice becoming louder.

“I understand you dont like this but please, just respect what I have with her,” he said, getting loud with her.

“Don't you dare raise your voice at me,” she said. Rose then directed her attention to you, turning to you with an angry expression. “I'm done with you and him hiding things from me. Whatever you need to tell him, I'm sure you can say it in front of me.”

“Why do you insist on making things difficult,” Jaehyun said through gritted teeth. “You have told me many times you don't want to hear or see us together and now you're demanding we include you in private conversations.”

“Jaehyun, I don't need-”

“You keep quiet.” Rose took a step towards you, making Jaehyun's ears red from anger. “I don't want to hear a word from you. All you've done was mess up this damn marriage from the start-”

“You say that as if you wanted it,” Jaehyun interrupted.

The two went on for a while, leaving you standing at the door completely overwhelmed by all the screaming. Rose was upset. Jaehyun was angry. It was a screaming match all because of your presence. You shouldn't have come. You should've just went back to your room when you saw her open the door. But this had to come to an end.

Breathe. Breathe.

“I'm pregnant.”

Your soft voice stopped the arguing, both Jaehyun and Rose looking at you as if they heard you wrong.

“What,” he asked, gulping.

“I'm.. pregnant,” you repeat.

Rose said nothing, just walked to Jaehyun and slapped him. The sound echoed through the silent room. Time came to a standstill, the sound of heavy breathing echoing through the room. Adrenaline rushed through your veins, the desire to protect him not going past anything but a desire. His cheek was red as he stood there silently staring at the ground, taking in everything that just took place.

“I'm sorry,” he said after a few beats of silence.

She ignored him, turning to you. Rose took two steps in front of you and you closed your eyes. You knew she was going to hit you so all you could do was brace for impact. But too many seconds passed and you felt nothing, so you opened your eyes only to face a tearful woman.

“I want you out by the end of the week,” she said, voice shaking.

“She's not going anywhere.”

Both you and Rose turn to Jaehyun, your heart pumping so loud you're afraid it would come out of your chest.

“She cannot stay here. This is not up for debate,” Rose said calmly.

“She will stay. I forbid her from leaving.” Jaehyun was willing to start a war for you. He would do everything in his power to keep you from leaving the castle, pregnant or not.

Rose turned to him slowly, face twisting in anger and irritation. “You have made a mockery out of me too many times. I gave up everything to be here and the one thing I asked you not to do, you did anyway.”

“My grace, w-we didn't know this would happen,” you said almost in a whisper.

Rose turned to you, giving you a chuckle in disbelief. “Didn't know? How could you not know? You both are running around here fucking like rabbits when you think no one is watching, but you didn't know?”

That was the one truth you didn't want to bear. All those times you and Jaehyun snuck off in each other's company ended up with you sleeping with him. You knew it was a bad idea, every single time, but it felt so right. All those times he would look at you as if you were the only thing in the world with protecting, you were going to miss him.

“I'm sorry,” you whispered.

Rose scoffed, staring at you in disbelief. “Don't pretend that you care. Don't pretend that you didn't want this.”

“I didn't want this. I am not ready to be a mother.”

Jaehyun looked at you, his stoic expression beginning to crack the more you spoke. He wanted to take your hand and run. Just run far away from this castle, this life, everything. “You will stay until you birth our child,” he said.

“No she will not.” Rose raised her voice, “I'm sick of watching you two prance around here, living out your fairy tale love when I couldn't have mine.”

“And why should that be my fault,” Jaehyun snapped. “I'm sorry you couldn't stay with whoever you wanted back home. I'm sorry you were forced into this marriage. But..” Jaehyun looked at you and back at Rose, sorrow filling his heart realizing the difficult position he put you in. “I love her, and I refuse to let her go.”

“You are the most selfish man I've ever met,” she said, giving him a dry laugh. “We both know our fate but you refuse to change. I have tried everything to make this work despite not wanting to be here and you've run circles around this palace to avoid them.”

“I have sacrificed so much-”

“Sacrifice,” Rose interrupted, scoffing. “Do you know anything about sacrifice? I was forced to leave my home to prevent a war my parents started. The only man that has ever loved me is somewhere dead or alive and I do not know. I had to marry you against my will and have to have a child with you to maintain my status. This is the life I've always known, and you dare speak of sacrifices. I sacrifice my freedom, body, and sanity everyday. And you sacrifice what? Your feelings?”

Jaehyun stood there silent. There was nothing he could say because she was right. “I'm sorry for any chaos I've caused, but all I ask-”

“I'll go.” That was the first thing you've said in a while, making both of their heads turn. “I-ill go. I knew this would be my fate if it happened, so I'll leave.”

Jaehyun's heart dropped. It felt like his whole world was crashing and he could do nothing about it. “Y/N, please you don't have to-”

“Jaehyun, I will go. I have to go eventually. You know that,” you said almost in a whisper, voice cracking under the pressure that weighed on your chest. Tears pooled in the corner of your eyes, but you didn't let them see as you faced the floor.

“Be out by the end of the week.”

You looked up, brows furrowed in sadness at Rose’s nonchalant disposition. “I have no family. I need more than a week.”

“Then leave the country! Go on a voyage and explore other lands! Just be out of my castle!”

Rose left the room with a loud slam of the door. Jaehyun didn't even give a second after she left to pull you into his arms, hugging you tight as if you would leave him immediately. And in his arms is where you broke down, allowing yourself to cry. You cried for him, you cried for yourself, you cried for your soon to be child, you even cried for Rose. Your life was in disarray, and there was nothing you could do it about. Nothing Jaehyun could do about it.

“It's okay,” he said in a quiet soothing voice. Jaehyun stroked the back of your head softly, holding you tight.

You and him stood there for a while, holding each other in silence. It was strange, the way he just gave up and didn't fight for much longer, but there are some things you can't fight even if you try. After some time, you both calmed down. You wanted a distraction, needed a distraction.

“Jaehyun,” you breathed out.

He loosened his hold on you, letting you look up at him. Starry eyes, flushed face, pretty lips. You were his only dream in this world of nightmares. “I'm sorry Y/N. I'm sorry for all of this.”

“Never mind all of that,” you whispered, forcing a smile. You hoped he could see your sadness or feel the ping in your heart.

“If I had just… This is all my fault,” he repeated. Jaehyun swallowed hard, feeling your hand come in contact with his face, caressing his cheek softly. “I don't want you to leave.”

“You act as if I'm leaving immediately,” you laugh, trying to lighten the somber mood. “I'm still here, and we can make the most of it.”

“How?”

You didn't say a word. All you did was kiss him softly, and the rest of the day was history.

You decided to do what Rose suggested and leave the country. You didn't know what would await you out of the land and across the sea but you were ready for it. The one thing you weren't ready for was leaving Jaehyun. And he wasn't either. It was apparent by how he was basically clinging to you every second he could get, never letting you out of his sight.

Despite him being so close, you hadn't yet told him of your plan and today was the day you'd be leaving. It was early morning and you already had your things packed. You told him to come to your room at noon, and just like expected, he knocked on your door right on time.

You stood up from your bed, exhaling the breath you didn't know you were holding in before opening the door. And there he was, as regal as always. Jaehyun stood there, eyes unable to leave your body realizing you were wearing regular clothes. He's never seen you in anything but your maid outfit, and this just makes him fall for you more.

“Hello, my love,” he said, giving you a sad smile. “Today is the day I suppose.” Jaehyun walks in, eyes immediately going to your cases that are packed with your belongings. His heart hurts seeing the signs of your soon to be disappearance.

“Yes, and that is why I need you to sit and listen to me.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, raising a brow as he sat in your bed, waiting for you to speak. “what is it?”

“I am going away,” you said.

“Yes. I know this.”

You sighed, hands playing with the buttons on your dress. “On a ship Jaehyun.”

His face twisted into an emotion you couldn't place. Hurt. Nausea. Disbelief. Maybe it was none of those, maybe it was all, but you didn't know how to combat it. You didn't know what to say or think or do. All that you knew was that he didn't like what just came out of your mouth.

“Jaehyun,” you called out, trying to break the silence that stood between you. “Please say something.”

But he didn't. He sat there in silence wondering where everything went wrong, what he could've done differently, how he would have fought for you harder. He sat wondering if he would ever see you again, or if you would ever want to see him again. Jaehyun didn't have it in him to shed a tear, feeling himself slowly go numb right before you.

“Jaehyun,” you call again, voice shaking in fear. “I know this is sudden and last minute, but I'm making this decision for me…”

“I'm not mad,” he said quietly. “Just a bit shocked.”

“I'm… I'm sorry.” You sit a distance away from him on your bed, eyes staring at your hands.

“So this means I'll never see you again,” he mumbled, a permanent frown on his face.

You turn to him, brows for rowing in sadness. “You'll see me again.”

“When Y/N,” he sighed in frustration. “In another 10, 50 years? I can't wait that long. My heart won't allow it.”

“Well neither can mine,” you argue back, body now fully turned to him. “My heart can't allow myself to see you married and having children with another woman. I can't let myself see someone else live out the dream I so desperately wanted. I have to get away.”

“But… Why now? Why leave me now?” Jaehyun scooted closer to you, taking your hands in his.

“This isn't about you. This is about me.”

“What about us?”

“Jaehyun can't you see? there is no us,” you say. The look of shock and hurt slashed across his face, almost making you regret your words. “there could never be an “us.” That's why I must leave.”

“I'll go with you,” he says.

You let out a small laugh, the absurd statement amusing you at the difficult time. “Jaehyun, you cannot come with me.”

“Then what must I do to make sure that there is still an “us?” Should I renounce my role as the prince of this kingdom? Should I beg for you to stay?”

“No, no Jaehyun- stop this at once. Stand up!”

Jaehyun was now kneeling in front of you, eyes staring wildly into your eyes. He had so much emotion he barely knew what he was doing at this point. All his self respect ran from his body as soon as he walked into the room, he didn't care for titles or status, just you and him.

“If this won't work, then what will?”

You open your mouth, but then close it as you look at him. He didn't like this look. It was full of pity. You pitied him, and that's something he never wanted from you. He always wanted to look strong for you, but now that you were going to be gone in a couple of hours, he was desperate.

“I'm not staying no matter what you try,” you said, watching his hopeful expression deflate. “I will not grow a child under a roof where the man I love is with someone else and that woman would rather see my head on a stick.”

Jaehyun stood back up with a sigh, eyes never leaving your relaxed figure. If these were his last moments with you, he needed to make this count. Time was running out and he needed to make sure you left with only him on your mind. He needed to remember how your hands felt on his skin, how your lips felt on his. He wanted to be etched into every crevice of your mind 5 years from now.

“We don't have much time left and I don't want to argue with you,” he stated. “you want to leave, very well. But promise me we will see each other again.”

A surprise gasp escaped your lips. “Jaehyun, now you know-”

“Please, just promise me,” he said.

“I promise,” you said softly. “We will meet again. I promise. A year from now, maybe 50, we will see each other again.”

Jaehyun grabbed your hand, pulling you to your feet. Before you could gauge the moment, his lips crashed onto yours, the taste to honey so familiar to you lingering on your tongue. “Never forget me,” he said against your lips. He held onto your clothes tight, pulling your body closer to his.

“One last time,” he said softly.

You swallowed hard, eyes fluttering open. “I don't have much time left.”

Jaehyun gave you a soft smile, his gaze remaining as gentle as ever. “Don't worry about that. Just worry about me and you, okay?”

For once you decided to let yourself relax and listen, nodding to his words. You no longer had anything to lose since losing everything already. So against your better judgment, you nodded, following his pace as he kissed you deeply over and over. Jaehyun wasted no time, magnetic pull on his hands to the buttons on your dress. Only difference was that they were in the front now.

His fingers worked on the tiny buttons, lips smirking against yours feeling your impatience. The amount of time it was taking him was agonizing to you, but secretly you were happy he was taking his time. While you wanted to rip the bandage off, you also wanted to savor him.

“I would give anything for you to miss that ship,” he said, unlatching the last button. Jaehyun pulled the sleeves of your dress off your arms, kissing down to your neck.

“Please,” you whisper, breath hitching as you feel your dress drop to the floor. “Don't make this harder than it has to be.”

Jaehyun gave you a soft chuckle, kissing back up your neck and jawline. “Sit down.”

You did as he said, his hooded eyes staring at you. Jaehyun unbuttoned his shirt, fingers moving so delicately. He pulled the fabric off his body swiftly, placing the shirt on your neatly made bed. Without saying a word, he gets on his knees, the action making you gulp.

“I'm going to miss you,” he said softly, hands rubbing your legs. You couldn't say anything, not when he was pressing kisses on your thigh, down to your knees.

“I'm going to miss every part of you..” Jaehyun spread your thighs, pushing your undergarments away. “You'll miss me too?”

You nod.

“Words, Y/N. Speak to me.” He took your leg, placing it on his strong shoulder. His hands took your sides, pulling you closer to the edge of the bed.

“Y-yes, I'll miss you.” Your body shivered at the feeling of his lips on your skin as he kissed your inner thigh, core aching for contact that he won't give.

He kisses your clit, eyes staring at you from below. He thinks he will remember this for the rest of his life, the way you look above him, the soft sighs that leave your lips when he touches you, the way your skin tastes.

“I'll miss you ” he whispers, placing another kiss. “The way you taste” – kiss – “the way you feel” – kiss – “the way you sound.”

Jaehyun held your body as his lips and tongue kept going at your clit, enjoying every single moan you let out. You let yourself shed the last bit of control you had and tangled your hands in his hair. You were going to miss his pretty brown curly hair. Your body shudders at the soft and slow movements, mind and body drifting into a state of relaxation and forgetting about having to be at the dock in some time.

Jaehyun watched you watch him, your glossy eyes staring into his as you allowed yourself one last moment of recklessness. Your soft moans were music to his ears. Jaehyun sucked your clit softly, needing more from you. The feeling made your legs try to come together, but with one on his shoulder, all he could do was chuckle at the unsuccessful attempt.

“J-Jaehyun,” you whined softly, the sound of his name on your lips ending a tingle up his spine.

“You like this” he says, voice slightly muffled.

He watched you nod frantically, tongue licking up your arousal. “How much Y/N? Tell me.”

“So so much.”

Jaehyun's hands gripped your sides harder and began to let his mouth work on you harder. He was rock hard in his pants, erection straining against the fabric. He wanted so badly to lay you on your back and take you, but you looked so angelic above him. He sucked on your clit again, bringing out whines of his name over and over.

“God, you sound so pretty,” he mumbled. “I want you to remember this every time you think of me.”

Jaehyun was always so good with words, knowing exactly what to say to make your heart flutter. “I want you to think of me every time you touch yourself..”

You couldn't even speak, the pleasure filling your body quickly as he began to eat you out with much more vigor. He barely touched you, but you were so close already.

“I will,” you said softly.

“God I love you so much..” Jaehyun flicked his tongue faster, making you breathe harder and faster. The leg that was on his shoulder trembled, heel pulling him closer to your body. “You're close aren't you?”

You nodded, brows furrowing as you closed your eyes, throwing your head back. “Keep going, just like that… I'm so close.” Your hips rocked against his face, his tongue now inside you as his nose bumped your clit with each movement.

In just a couple of seconds you came, legs shaking and moans flowing into his ears. Jaehyun groaned softly, his saliva and your arousal mixing with every lick. His eyes never left yours, your expression so perfect and sounds so addicting he couldn't stop even when you were gasping for air from the overstimulation.

“It's okay, love. I got you,” he said, watching you grip your bed hard. “One more time. Do it for me.”

Your body was on fire, all senses heightened because of the man in front of you. Jaehyun didn't let up even when you couldn't speak and you loved it. The only things leaving your mouth were moans and incoherent babbles. One hand tangled in his hair, gripping it harder as you pulled him closer.

“I'm cumming,” you said in a soft gasp.

The noises that filled the room were sinful, making you cringe but turning you on even more. His eyes never left yours as you came, hands still molding your body like clay. You let go of his hair, breathing heavily as you attempted to recover from all the pleasure you received. Jaehyun put your leg down gently, lifting himself from your body. Your face went hot seeing the mess you made, arousal on his lips, chin nose.

He took the back of his hand, wiping his face before rising to his feet. “Lay back.”

You did as he said, watching him as he stood in front of your bed, undressing before you. He wasted no time climbing on top of you, body so close you could feel the heat radiating from his body. He was so pretty, no painting could ever truly capture it. Everything from his hair to his legs was a sight for sore eyes and you loved every part of him.

Jaehyun leaned down and kissed you, his strong arms trapping you underneath his body. He kissed you face softly, from the corner of your mouth to your forehead making you giggle softly.

“What's so amusing,” he said, looking down at you.

You shook your head, moving your hand to his face cupping his cheek softly. “You're cute.”

He stares at you for a second, but smiles, kissing you once again. “When you're on that ship I want you to remember how cute I am.”

Jaehyun lifted his body off yours, hands sliding down your waist to your hips to your legs, lifting them to your chest. You watched his hand move from your leg to his cock, shifting himself deeper between your legs. Jaehyun rubbed his tip on your slit, teasing you.

“God, you're wet,” he mumbled. You moaned softly, feeling him rub himself on your clit, your hands gripping your legs harder as you held them close to your chest. “I'm gonna miss this..” Jaehyun slides into you almost too easily, your cunt sucking him in effortlessly. The both of you let out a sigh of relief when your bodies connected. He rocked his hips into your slowly, the squelching sounds filling the room. Your bed cracked with every movement, the sound of your soft moans blending in with one another.

“You're mine,” he said, voice bringing you out of the trance you were in. “Only mine.”

“Only yours,” you nod.

Jaehyun removes your hands from your legs, pulling them apart. “There goes that pretty face.” He leans down, kissing you instantly. He was going to miss your kisses the most, the way you moaned into his mouth when he felt too good, the way your lips molded with his in the most perfect way possible. You wrapped your arms around his neck, fingers running through the back of his hair.

“I love you so much,” you whispered into his mouth. Jaehyun thrusted into you faster, now going at a steady pace. He pulls away from you, kissing down your neck messily. You needed more situations so you reached down between your bodies to touch yourself, but Jaehyun took your hands and held them above your head.

“Cum from my cock, okay? Can you do that for me,” he groaned softly.

You nod with a whine, head sinking into your pillow as he started fucking you harder. “F-fuck, oh my God, you feel so good.”

He thrusted into you like his life depended on it, which it did. You were what breathed for, lived for, and would die for even. Even with you underneath him you already felt so far away, and he hated that.

Your body shook under him, legs involuntary spreading even wider as he thrust deeper into you. Your body was on fire, never feeling so vulnerable in his touch and loving it all the same.

“Remember what it feels like to be around my cock,” he said against your ear, smiling at your whimpers. “Remember that no man could make you feel as good as this..”

You nod fast, brows furrowing as Jaehyun's grip on your wrist tightens . “I'm close,” you gasp, feeling his other hand rubbing your neglected clit. Jaehyun moves his lips above yours, but doesn't kiss you. His body is too wrapped in pleasure to do anything but thrust until he cums inside you. The sounds of both of your pants filling your ears, completely overstimulated you, making you squeeze around your lover.

“Fuck, oh my god,” he moaned softly, lips brushing against yours. “Y/N, I-Im close, shit.”

Jaehyun lets go of your wrists, finally freeing your hands from above your head. You immediately grab the back of his head, pulling him down to kiss him hungrily. Moaning against his lips, you feel your legs begin to tire and hurt, but the hurt blends with the pleasure well. Your moans got louder with every time he hit your sensitive spot, walls fluttering around him. You came hard, with a loud cry chanting his name over and over.

Jaehyun held you close to him, still thrusting in you groaning into your neck. “Almost there, I'm almost there Y/N.”

After a few thrust, Jaehyun lets go into you, painting your insides white. Everything was intense even after the fact. Emotions still running high, hearts beating fast, minds racing for the both of you. Jaehyun rested his face on your neck, laying still as he tried to regain energy listening to your heart beat. That's when he heard a sniffle from you and then another.

“Are you crying,” he asked quietly, still not raising his head to look at you.

“Yes.” Your voice was quiet and calm, the tears falling down your cheeks landing on Jaehyun's ears, making him sigh. He lifted himself off you, laying next to you on your tiny bed. In that moment you missed his warmth even though he was still right next to you.

You stared at the ceiling trying to ignore Jaehyun's eyes burning into your side. You both lay in silence for a while, lost in thought.

“Do you think you can wait till tomorrow,” he says, breaking the silence.

“There will be no more ships till next week,” you answer. “if Rose knows I'm here–”

“Please don't talk about her.” His voice was almost as quiet as a whisper, making you turn to look at him for the first time in a while. “I wish it was here instead.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wish she had to leave,” he mumbled. He swung his arm around your body, pulling you closer to him. “I wish I could have you here forever. Me, you and…”

He paused his gaze slowly lowering to your stomach.”

You follow his gaze, a tired smile tugging at your lips. “Hyacinth.”

“Hyacinth,” he repeats. “That's your favorite flower.”

“Mhm,” you nod. “If it is a girl, that's what I will name her.”

Jaehyun chuckles softly, lips pressing your shoulder softly. “And if it's a boy?”

“Your name,” you say. Jaehyun stops breathing for a second, the thumb that's rubbing circles in your side stops.

“Really,” he asks, eyes becoming softer.

You nod. The way he looks at you makes you feel like you're the only person in the world and still in your last moments with him, it makes you sad. In a moment's time, you will both have to get up, get dressed, and leave the room, never to be there or in the castle ever again. All you want to do is be delusional and happy, but your mind won't let you.

“I wasn't completely honest earlier,” you say, sighing deeply. “I never told you that sometimes I dreamed of leaving here and traveling the world.”

“It's okay. Now you have a chance to.”

“I've always wanted to do it with you,” you admit. “That's another reason I chose to leave. It was for my sanity. And if I couldn't do it with you, at least I could do it with a part of you.”

Jaehyun kisses you softly, rough hand squeezing your side so tight, you thought he would never let you go. But now it's time for him to let you go and he will grieve this loss for much more time than he hoped. He let you go, his arm moving painfully slow trying to make these last seconds of intimacy count for something. You both sat up, knowing the time has come for you to regain your strength and fulfill your last duty to the castle, which is to leave.

“I love you Y/N. Promise you love me too.”

“I promise.”

[fantasyescapes17]

Spinsters do not Need Chaperones (Part 2, Seungcheol Route)

Chaperones are for beautiful young girls. A plain older woman like you, with neither fortune nor youth to recommend her, is hardly in danger of losing her virtue. You've long resigned yourself to always being the supporting role in someone else’s romance. 

But could it be that love and marriage have not disappeared entirely beyond your reach? This spinster may capture the heart of an eligible bachelor yet, if only she makes the right choices…

Genre: Seungcheol x female! reader, regency!AU (Sort of Bridgerton-esque but we keep it PG)

Word Count: 4.5k+

Series Masterlist here

You discovered, much to your dismay, that none of your wants or desires could withstand Lady Beaumont’s wild  force of personality and will.

It is unnecessary to repeat the exact conversations that took place in the Beaumont manor that afternoon. It is only relevant to note that by the next morning, your belongings had been packed and you found yourself in a carriage with Lady Beaumont and Julia, headed directly for Portsmouth. 

“We must see if we cannot find you a husband in Portsmouth as well,” your aunt commented as the carriage rattled farther and farther away from London. “Surely the place has some naval officers milling about. Once Julia’s engagement is secured, there may be someone the Chois can introduce you to- perhaps some widower that will have you.”

You bit your lip to prevent yourself from responding rudely. It was never worth the effort of an argument with your aunt. You simply nodded. 

“You're not sulking because I would not permit you to stay in London, are you?” Lady Beaumont snapped irritably. 

You sighed and shook your head. “I am not sulking, aunt.”

“You would do well to put the Kims behind you. It was kind of them to allow you to debut and attend the social season with their daughter, but you are a Beaumont, not a Kim. You don't have a dowry worth mentioning, and the advantages of age and beauty are long past you. You need to be practical and think about who will support you for the rest of your life.”

“Believe me, aunt, I think of little else.”

Your aunt turned away with a huff. Julia had been quiet for most of the ride and seemed to be deep in thoughts of her own. You gave your young cousin a reassuring smile and she smiled back at you, but said nothing. 

The journey was long enough that dusk had begun to fall by the time the carriage arrived at the streets of Portsmouth. The Choi estate loomed ahead in the distance, and you peeked curiously out of the carriage window at the large manor. It wasn’t quite as magnificent as the Beaumont estate, but it was certainly a fitting home for a noble family. The sea was very close by. Surely the view of the vast blue waters from the upper stories of the manor would be marvelous. 

“It’s not as grand as London but this town really is quite beautiful,” you said to Julia as you both descended the carriage. “Perhaps we shall have a nice time in Portsmouth.”

Julia bit her lip. “I hope so, cousin.”

The servants arrived to carry your luggage inside and a few moments later you were greeted by the arrival of Mr. Choi Seungcheol and his mother, Mrs. Choi. 

“How delightful to see you again, Lady Beaumont, girls,” Mrs. Choi greeted you all warmly. You were surprised when the older woman embraced you and Julia. “I do hope you had a safe journey. Please come in, out of the cold! Summer is past and the evenings are quite chilly these days.”

“Yes-yes, our journey was quite pleasant, thank you,” Lady Beaumont replied quickly as she wrapped her shawl more tightly around her shoulders. “Portsmouth seems very lovely.”

“We hope that you will like it.”

Seungcheol stood a few steps behind his mother. He nodded at you politely when you made eye contact with him, but there was not much of a smile on his face. You returned a polite nod. For Julia’s sake, you sincerely hoped that Mr. Choi was a good man. It was hard to tell what he was thinking behind those dark, charismatic eyes and that unsmiling face. 

“This is my housekeeper, Mrs. Williams- she has prepared rooms for you all upstairs and I hope you will find them comfortable,” Mrs. Choi explained. “Mrs. Williams, will you please show our guests to their rooms?”

You followed the housekeeper upstairs, admiring the large and tastefully decorated manor. Lady Beaumont had been provided with her own  room, while you and Julia had been given a slightly larger room to share. As soon as Mrs. Williams deposited your belongings and left, you went to the large french window in your room and threw it open. 

“We have a lovely view of the garden,” you observed. “But it appears this side of the manor does not face the sea.”

“A very good thing too,” Lady Beaumont muttered. She still had her shawl wrapped tightly around her shoulders and looked quite pale. “I cannot imagine how cold the sea winds would be at night. Close that window immediately, there is a terrible draught.”

You sighed and shut the window. “Shall we dress for dinner?”

You all dressed and went downstairs for dinner with the Choi family. Seungcheol sat at the head of the large table, and his dark eyes were watchful as Lady Beaumont and Mrs. Choi had an animated conversation about the china, and the difficulties of finding a good cook. You noticed that Seungcheol kept looking between you and Julia repeatedly. Once the first course was completed, he finally addressed your cousin directly. 

“How do you like to spend your free time, Miss Julia?” Seungcheol asked your young cousin. His tone was gentle enough but his dark eyes were unsmiling and Julia still looked somewhat afraid of him.

“I-I like music,” Julia whispered. 

“I must apologise, Miss Julia, I could not quite hear your response,” Seungcheol admitted. 

“I like music,” your cousin repeated a little more loudly. “T-the pianoforte.” 

Seungcheol nodded. “Of course. Yes, of course, I had the pleasure of listening to you play back in London. Allow me to compliment you once again on your skills. You played wonderfully.”

Julia blushed and stared at her plate. “Thank you.”

Their conversation was painfully awkward and almost difficult for you to watch. You did not want to interfere but Julia was being incredibly shy and you could see that even Seungcheol was not quite sure how to engage her in conversation. It was your duty as a chaperone to fill in this awkwardness. You cleared your throat and turned to him with a smile.

“Mr. Choi- perhaps you can recommend things for us to do, or places to see while we are in Portsmouth?” you asked lightly. 

Mr. Choi seemed almost relieved at your interruption and he turned in his seat to face you. “Of course, Miss Beaumont. I would be delighted to take you all down to the beach tomorrow morning. Portsmouth has many wonderful beaches. I am pleased to say it is one of the few advantages we have over London and the rest of the general countryside.”

You turned to Julia. “Julia! Doesn't the beach sound lovely?”

Julia nodded quickly. “Yes-yes, it does.”

You turned back to Seungcheol. “And the harbour; shall we be able to visit the harbour as well?”

Seungcheol blinked at you in surprise. “Well, certainly, if you like… although the harbour is full of ships and goods and commercial offices. I did not think it would be of particular interest to young ladies.”

Your eyes widened eagerly. “We should love to visit the harbour. Julia and I have just finished reading Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas. We have oceans and submarines and sea monsters on our mind, don’t we, Julia? We would love to see the naval ports and even your ships, Mr. Choi, if it is not too much trouble to you.”

Seungcheol nodded. “No trouble at all. I shall be delighted to show them to you.”

Mr. Vernon, who had been almost entirely silent until then (you had a strange suspicion that he was hiding a book underneath the table and was reading instead of paying attention to the conversation) looked up and smiled at you. “My brother spends too much time at the harbour already, Miss Beaumont. I am afraid the trouble lies more in bringing him back home.”

Seungcheol looked at his brother with a raised eyebrow- he did not smile but there was a surprising light-heartedness to his tone. “Then perhaps you had better join us, Vernon, so that you may undertake this incredibly difficult task of bringing me back home and not leave it to the ladies.”

“I wish I could, brother, but my exams are coming soon and I must devote myself to studying,” Vernon replied apologetically. 

“Is that why you have hidden a book under the table?” you asked him with a playful smile. 

Vernon’s ears turned red. “There is no book-”

Seungcheol sighed, although he did not look too angry. “Vernon, surely you can put your studies  away for some time while we have guests?”

“Sorry,” Vernon mumbled as he turned his attention back to his dinner. You smiled- and were surprised when Seungcheol caught your eye and gave you a small, almost imperceptible smile of his own. The smile brought a sudden light to Seungcheol’s already handsome face and you were surprised by how  charming he looked. But before you could react, Seungcheol had turned to Julia and asked her a question about whether she enjoyed French literature. 

The dinner ended pleasantly and Mrs. Choi entreated Julia to play a little music for them in the drawing room before the family retired to bed. You sat down on the comfortable sofa to listen to her performance and were surprised when Seungcheol sat beside you. 

“Miss Beaumont,” Seungcheol said to you in a quiet tone that could not be picked up by his mother or your aunt seated near the fireplace. “I must thank you for your thoughtfulness during the conversation at dinner. I hope that Miss Julia’s quietness is simply her nature, and not caused by any behaviour on my part…”

Your eyes widened. “Oh! No, you must forgive Julia’s quietness. She is only a little shy since she has not spent much time in society or among gentlemen. I assure you, she will open up soon and has a very lovely personality.”

Seungcheol nodded and cleared his throat. “I am… glad to hear it. I suffer from a similar handicap. I have lived in Portsmouth too long and failed to cultivate the art of polite conversation that I would have developed if I had spent more time among young ladies in London society.”

You smiled at him warmly. “There is nothing lacking in your conversation, Mr. Choi. You must only forgive Julia for being too young and inexperienced.”

“Youth is hardly a fault,” he replied thoughtfully. “And inexperience- well, that can surely be remedied with time and effort.”

“I agree.”

“Then I shall only thank you,” he replied gently, “and wish you a good night, Miss Beaumont.”

“Good night, Mr. Choi.”

—-------------------------------------------------------

Lady Beaumont declared that she had developed the chills and that nothing should distress her more than being exposed to the harsh autumn weather on a cold morning. She had therefore resolved to stay indoors all day. You were at liberty to depart for the Portsmouth harbour after breakfast, entirely unburdened by your aunt’s company. 

“I hope Lady Beaumont is not unwell,” Seungcheol enquired politely as he helped you and Julia board the carriage. “She does seem rather troubled by the cold.”

You chuckled. “You may rest assured that my aunt is in perfect health, Mr. Choi. Her chills have everything to do with her hatred of long walks, and nothing to do with the weather or her health.”

Seungcheol smiled. “I am relieved to hear it.”

The harbour was a short distance away. You were pleasantly surprised by how dazzlingly beautiful the blue sea was, even among the hustle and bustle of the busy harbour. Mr. Choi had been telling the truth. The harbour was a place of business, not exactly a tourist destination, but you still found yourself excited by the sight of the enormous ships anchored in the distance. 

“It smells of fish,” Julia mumbled to you. 

Seungcheol had overheard her. He merely nodded as he helped Julia down from the carriage. “Yes, I’m afraid it is rather early and the fishermen will be loading the boats with their catches to transport to nearby towns. Here; please use my handkerchief to cover your nose if it is too unpleasant.”

Julia blushed but accepted his handkerchief gratefully. 

“Are any of these ships yours, Mr. Choi?” you asked, interested. 

Mr. Choi nodded. “Some of the ships undergoing repairs are at the docks, and I will be glad to show them to you. I am afraid that my best ones are all away at sea, bringing goods back from the colonies.”

“What sort of goods?” you wondered. 

Mr. Choi smiled. His eyes lit up and you could tell that he enjoyed talking about his ships and business. There was a tinge of pride in his voice as he explained it to you. “Everything the merchants in the colonies hire us to transport. Cotton, tea, silks, even precious metals and antiques. Well, almost everything.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Almost everything? May I ask why you qualify it so”

Seungcheol coughed and lowered his gaze slightly. “I’m afraid the merchants sometimes wish to transport people instead of goods, and naturally I do not offer my ships for that sort of trade.”

Your eyes widened in understanding. The slave trade. Julia noticed the expression on your face and looked between you and Seungcheol, confused. 

“I do not understand. Why should you refuse to transport people?” Julia asked innocently.

“Because people are not goods, Julia,” you replied quietly. “Let us leave it at that for now.”

“On a more pleasant note,” Seungcheol said brightly, “the Royal Navy also uses this harbour for their ships and there are many senior naval officers here. I see Commodore James approaching us now, if you will allow me to introduce you to him.”

“Of course, we shall be delighted.”

A small group of naval officers in uniform approached you from the harbour. Julia’s grip on your arm tightened, and you saw that she had her eyes on the officers and was deeply blushing. You smiled to yourself- you remembered the days when you had fawned over gentlemen in uniform. 

“Mr. Choi!” the senior naval officer at the front of the group greeted. He was an older man with slightly greying hair and a bright smile. “How wonderful to see you here- and in the company of two beautiful young women, no less!”

Seungcheol nodded politely. “Commodore James, allow me to introduce you to Miss Beaumont and her cousin, Miss Julia Beaumont. They are my mother’s guests and are staying with us at Portsmouth for the fall.”

You were surprised when Commodore James reached out to kiss first your hand, and then Julia’s. He then introduced you to the rest of the men standing behind him. You tried to concentrate and remember their names and ranks, as Commodore James rattled them off, but you were sure you would forget them soon. 

“I hope you have an excellent stay in Portsmouth,” Commodore James said, addressing you and Julia. “May I ask if you ladies are fond of dancing?”

You nodded. “Indeed, we are.”

“Then we shall hope to see you at the assembly rooms one of these evenings, and you must each  reserve some of your dances for me and my officers,” Commodore James insisted. 

“We would be glad to,” you replied politely. 

“Excellent. I am afraid you must excuse us for today- we have an appointment to make. Good day, Miss Beaumont and Miss Julia.”

You and Julia curtsied politely to the officers as they walked away. You could tell that Julia’s attention was almost entirely diverted and she kept glancing back at the retreating officers. You couldn't blame her, really. Some of them were rather handsome. But it wouldn't do for Mr. Choi to notice her distractions, so you hurried to engage him in another conversation. 

“Perhaps we might see your offices, Mr. Choi?” you asked quickly. 

Seungcheol blinked. “Oh-yes, of course. This way.”

You kept a grip on Julia’s hand and followed Mr. Choi as he led you towards his offices. Mr. Choi ran his shipping business from a large building  further down from the harbour and you were unsurprised to find the office full of clerks and accountants, writing letters and poring over ledgers. Some of the clerks bowed their heads towards you politely, clearly surprised to see ladies at the office. 

“Well, here we are,” Seungcheol said. “I am afraid the office is a rather uninteresting place.”

“It is fascinating,” you replied honestly. “I am quite curious to know what exactly happens here in this office, Mr. Choi.”

“Correspondence, mostly,” Seungcheol replied with a smile. Despite declaring himself that the office was uninteresting, he clearly did not really think so. “Taking orders, recording consignments, planning routes and schedules, hiring seamen, drafting bills of lading, insurance policies and invoices…”

Julia frowned. “It sounds dreadfully complex just to bring some cargo over on a ship,” she remarked. 

Seungcheol nodded. “I'm afraid it can be.”

“It must be a lot for you to manage,” you said. 

“Not at all. I enjoy it very much,” Seungcheol replied honestly. “I built this business myself. I do occasionally wish I had help- I asked Vernon to join me in running the business, but he has his own passions to follow and wants to become a barrister. I cannot blame him. The shipping business is not for everyone.”

“It is very admirable,” you told him honestly. 

“Thank you, Miss Beaumont.”

Julia glanced around the office, clearly bored. “Might we go to the beach now?”

“Of course… allow me to call for the carriage.”

—-----------------------------------------------

The Portsmouth beach was incredibly beautiful. You felt a sort of resounding peace among the crashing waves and the vast blueness of the ocean and sky. You closed your eyes as a gentle spray of water from the crashing waves fell across your face. 

“I see that the beach is to your liking,” Seungcheol commented. 

You opened your eyes and reallzed that his dark gaze was fixed on you. You flushed involuntarily- there was something very charismatic about the soft smiles that Seungcheol bestowed rarely and briefly. He was indeed a handsome man and you were, after all, just a woman. 

“Yes, I like it very much,” you replied. “The ocean is beautiful. I saw it from the carriage as soon as we arrived yesterday. I had been hoping that we would have a view of it from your manor.”

Seungcheol's eyebrows furrowed. “Do you not have a view of it from your room?”

“Oh- no, our rooms face your lovely garden instead,” you replied lightly. You turned back to look for Julia, who had fallen behind and stopped to fiddle with her shoes. “Julia! Are you all right?” you called out. The crashing waves almost drowned out your voice. 

“I am all right, there is just some sand in my shoes!” Julia yelled back. 

“Do you need help?”

“No- only wait for me a few moments while I turn them inside out!” Julia called. 

You nodded and turned back towards Seungcheol, who was still looking at you. His hands were clasped behind his back and his broad shoulders seemed a little tense. His dark eyes faltered for a moment and then he spoke. 

“Miss Beaumont,” he said softly. 

You looked up at him. “Yes?”

“I know that our acquaintance is too short for me to speak to you so openly. But my experience of you has been that you are a very thoughtful and mature woman who is capable of understanding the complex nature of life and relationships.”

You stared up at him in surprise, trying not to feel too embarrassed. “Oh- well- I cannot say that this is a compliment I have ever received before, Mr. Choi, but I thank you for it all the same.”

“If I speak to you with a level of honesty that is unusual for our short acquaintance, I hope you will not resent me for it.”

“I should never resent someone for being honest,” you assured him. 

“Then I will take this opportunity to speak plainly about the elephant in the room, and most certainly the reason that you and your family find yourselves in Portsmouth. The entailment of the Beaumont estate due to the lack of male heirs in your family.”

You stared at him. You were embarrassed, but gratified that Seungcheol had taken the first step to actually broach the subject that was on everyone’s mind. It was painful to think about the possibility of months of  continued tip-toeing around the subject out of a sense of propriety. 

“Yes,” you said quietly. “I beg you not to let the entailment trouble you, Mr. Choi. We understand, the law being what it is-”

“But it does trouble me, exceedingly so,” Seungcheol replied firmly. There was a sudden fire in his eyes. “Miss Beaumont, I am a very proud man. Perhaps you have heard of this through rumours but my late father was a gambler. He gambled away my family’s estate until there was almost nothing left by the time he died and I turned of age. I have spent the better part of a decade building my shipping business and restoring my family’s finances and reputation in society.” 

You looked up at Seungcheol with wide eyes and nodded. “Indeed, I have heard as much about you, Mr. Choi. You are known for being a self-made man and I have seen here today what you have built. You are well within your rights to be proud of your success.” 

Seungcheol took a deep breath. “Thank you. But I want your family to understand that it gave me no pleasure to learn of the entailment. It is not in my nature to rejoice at a handout, especially not when it is being stolen from the family it rightfully belongs to.”

You sighed. “There isn't really any question of rightfulness, here, the law is what it is-”

“Yes,” Seungcheol replied. “If it was within my power to refuse the estate, or to transfer it back to you and your cousin, then I would do so in a heartbeat. But it is not in my power to do so. The terms of the entailment will not permit me to transfer the Beaumont estate to anyone other than my own male heirs.”

“We understand, Mr. Choi,” you assured him quietly. 

Seungcheol inhaled sharply. “I have discussed this with my mother, and we have agreed that the only conscionable manner to deal with the Beaumont estate is to offer a union of our families, to ensure that any son I pass the estate to will be of Beaumont lineage.”

You took a deep breath and looked up at him. Seungcheol’s dark eyes were worried; you could see the honesty behind them. This was not a performance or empty words. Seungcheol was genuinely conflicted and distressed by the knowledge that he would be inheriting your family’s fortune and estate. He clearly considered it his duty to do whatever was in his power to ensure it stayed in your family. 

“Then I must return the favour and be equally open with you as well, Mr. Choi,” you said honestly. “A union of the families is exactly what my aunt is hoping for. We have come to Portsmouth in the expectation that you will be persuaded to marry Julia, and that the Beaumont estate can remain within our family.”

Seungcheol was silent for a long moment. He looked at you, and then back at Julia. Your young cousin was still balancing carefully on one foot as she struggled to empty beach sand out of her shoes. 

“Of course,” Seungcheol said finally. He ran his fingers through his dark hair and left it slightly ruffled. “But Julia is… young.”

“She is of marriageable age,” you replied. 

“No doubt,” Seungcheol replied quickly. “Since Lord Beaumont is still in good health, I assume there is no need to act with any haste. I would like to spend more time with Julia and your family. But I hope it will bring Lady Beaumont some relief to learn that I have every intention of uniting our families when the time is right. I trust you will convey this to her in the appropriate manner?”

You bowed your head. “Of course, Mr. Choi.”

“Thank you.”

You opened your mouth to respond but Julia had already come running over to you; her hair was a little dishevelled and she looked annoyed. 

“There is no end of sand in my shoes,” she mumbled. “May we return to the manor?”

“Yes, indeed, let us return.”

—------------------------------------------------

You went to your aunt’s bedroom after dinner, to tell her about the events of the day. It would bring her some relief to know for certain that Seungcheol intended to marry Julia, and you did not want to deny her that peace of mind. 

“I am not sure what I think of him saying all this to you,” your aunt admitted with a frown, “but I suppose he was sensible enough to know not to say it to Julia.”

“She is too young, and still dreams of love,” you muttered to your aunt. “She would not have enjoyed speaking of her own marriage in such… economical terms.”

Lady Beaumont sighed. “All the same, it is indeed a relief to know that Mr. Choi intends to do the right thing. Our time here is not wasted after all. We shall rest easy after your uncle passes.”

You nodded. “We are lucky, aunt. Mr. Choi is… well, he seems to be a very good man. I find his behaviour quite admirable.”

“Well it's not much use to you,” your aunt snapped. “You must still try to find yourself a husband, although we cannot hope for anyone too rich. Mrs. Choi talks highly of a certain widower called Commodore James. Perhaps you should visit the assembly rooms and try to dance with this man.”

You winced. “Aunt, he must be twenty years my senior.’

“If you wanted a young man then you should have found one while you were young,” Lady Beaumont said dismissively. “Don't come to me now in your late twenties and complain to me about the age of your suitors. It will be a relief if we can find one at all. Now good night.”

“Good night, aunt,” you muttered. 

You walked back to the room you shared with Julia, only to find that there were a few maids carrying your luggage out of the room. You stopped in your tracks and called out to one of them.

“Are those my dresses? Where are you taking those?” you asked. 

The maid placed your trunk down and bowed. “Apologies, Miss Beaumont, Mr. Choi asked us to have you moved to a different room on the other end of the corridor. He said to put you in one with a better view of the ocean.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“Oh-yes, thank you. That would be lovely,” you muttered. 

“I will show you your new room, please follow me.”

---------------------------------------------------

[forasecondtherewedwon]

My Bridgerton Masterlist

Rated T

All the Belles and Whistles Eloise x Penelope | 11k | multi-chapter | post-s1 canon divergence, HEA

Eloise wants—no, needs—more from her life. Certain that only Lady Whistledown can truly understand, she follows her from the printing press after disrupting the queen's trap.

"Bridgerton Mothers" Colin x Penelope | 1k | one-shot | secret pregnancy

Colin has brought Penelope (now his fiancée!) to Aubrey Hall with a secret. Violet believes she knows what it is.

"Cressida in a Corner" Cressida x Eloise | 2k | one-shot | dirty dancing-esque au

Cressida's wasting her summer at Bridgerton's—the resort for "society families" like hers—taking dance classes she sucks at to get a boyfriend she doesn't want. When the AC breaks and a girl named Eloise shows up with a fan, Cressida sees the potential for more than one quick fix.

The Ladies Whistledown Eloise x Penelope | 40k | multi-chapter | slow burn

Their fight the night of the Featherington Ball breaks Eloise and Penelope's hearts. Not ready to lose her best friend, Penelope risks what little she has left, placing her new pages—and the future of Lady Whistledown—in Eloise's hands.

Rated M

"Happy Times We Had (And Yet the Times Were Sad)" Eloise x Cressida | 1k | one-shot | drunken pining

Drunk on champagne and shining like two falling stars, Eloise and Cressida take the bus.

"Wallflower After Hours" Penelope x Colin | 2k | one-shot | second kiss

Coincidence finds Penelope and Colin alone at the Modiste one evening, but it's with intention that they address feelings which may have intensified since their kiss.

Rated E

"Candle With Care" Colin x Penelope | 1k | one-shot | masturbation

Blindsided by his longing for Penelope, Colin adopts the desperate tactic of blowing out candles in every ballroom in which they find themselves, that he might move ever closer to her in the dark.

"In Charlotte's Garden" Charlotte x George | 2k | one-shot | romantic gestures

George agreed to even days because he was weak. He agrees to all the other days because she is strong.

"An Invitation to Misinterpretation" Kate x Anthony | 2k | one-shot | miscommunication

Kate receives a letter from home. Anthony misunderstands entirely. When he makes it impossible for her to explain, she elects to wait and see the lengths to which his misinterpretation will compel him to go.

"Two to Give Chase" Eloise x Cressida | 3k | one-shot | carriage sex

Colin had chased Penelope, and Eloise had chased Colin, and Cressida, rather miraculously, had chased her. Or; Eloise and Cressida get their own carriage scene.

[morallysuperiorlips]

Struggling With Your Worldbuilding? Here's Some Help!

Alright, so. Worldbuilding. It's either your favorite thing in the world, or the bane of your existence. Either way, I'm here to help.

Worldbuilding, for me is a very long, tedious, and never ending process. Like everything I output, I base a lot of my things on vibes and aesthetic and personal feeling. It's all innate. However, I can't teach innate so let me tell you about the "routes" I go on when I'm mapping a world.

When it comes to worldbuilding, whether you're writing fanfic or something original, I found there are two roads you can go down when building up your lore:

Character-Based Worldbuilding and Fact-of-Life Worldbuilding.

Character-based worldbuilding is exactly how it sounds--it's a matter of feeling out the character and seeing what it is they like to do and how they function. From there, you might find "oh they like to do X, I want them to do X in the plot." From there, you can determine how X would work its way into your world, and from there you continue to ask yourself questions to further build your blocks upward.

I find it's really helpful to start with a character and find things you want to see them doing, then spark the road of block-building questions by kicking off with a "okay, how can I get this to work?" And this can go for a major plot point, or something as trivial as a side scene. And prepare to KEEP ASKING QUESTIONS because things will continuously pop up as you think about it and consider different angles, etc. etc. etc.

Fact-of-life worldbuilding can come from little puzzle pieces and inklings of things you want to see built into any given world and basically doing the same as above and crafting upward. This can go for a major plot point or some background lore that doesn't see much of the light of day but is there to help build a more lived-in world.

Still unsure of where to begin? There's also room to look at a story and think "what am I writing? What aesthetic/vibe do I want out of this?" and once you can answer that, do some visual intake to jump start your brain.

Look up things that are in line with the vibe you want. Watch shows that follow an aesthetic you crave. Read books in a similar bracket. Take notes of the things you've seen and push and mold them together in a way that reflects what you're going for.

FOR EXAMPLE, my WIP is heavily noir-esque, gothic, dark, so I took in a lot of content that catered to my desired vibes. While doing that, it helped me build into the "routes" I have.

I watched certain scenes of Attack on Titan, and as I witnessed the titans obliterate everything, I decided "Okay, I want the eldritch beasts in my world to get big enough to obliterate everything, what do I need to do within my world, that fits the setting and isn't directly copying AoT that can make that happen?"

When I watched Bridgerton and saw these women in flowing dresses in a regency aesthetic, I said "I want to put my protagonist in that aesthetic in this story, with a modern, darker, twist, so what needs to happen in the universe to get there, why would that aesthetic exist in a modern society?"

When I watched Hunger Games and saw all the capital people mingling around one another at the Victor's Ball in Catching Fire, I said "I want a scene like that in my fic, what needs to happen in universe for that to make sense?"

Likewise, I witness a lot of dumb shit irl, or am apart of certain things, or hear certain things and just think "I want that in my story, how do I need to build my world to get these things to fit?"

It's a lot of trial and error and cutting and reshaping. The world for my current WIP took me 10 years to build up and to this day I am still chipping away at it and changing things about it.

Side note, but I also always encourage working both major plot worldbuilding and trivial worldbuilding, because oftentimes major plot worldbuilding can lead to trivial worldbuilding and vice versa, and you should never knock the background shit. It gives readers stuff to theorize and speculate about aside from the plot, which I think is always fun. And again, that helps provides a very lived in world, which should always be the goal.

As always, have fun and go fucking write something today <3

[lexirosewrites]

I’ve been chewing at the bars of my cage lately for historical steddie stuff that’s ALSO omegaverse. Like, any period piece but I definitely have a few AUs in my brain mostly based on musicals

1. Kind of Grease inspired, set in the 50s/60s. A!Eddie is a drag racer and o!steve is a cheerleader for the football team and a pitcher for the softball time (I see him as very canon Chrissy esque, where he’s popular but everyone knows him as a sweetheart). They met over the summer as counselors for a sleep away camp. Steve and Robin are co-counselors for a cabin, while Eddie ends up working with Chrissy. The kids are all there obvi and split between the two cabins so the older teens end up seeing each other all the time when their charges insist on doing things together. They start off…. Not great. Eddie is teasing in a not super nice way and Steve responds in kind, until Eddie finds Steve cornered by Tommy, another counselor, late one night and clearly very uncomfy. He runs Tommy off and they end up staying up all night talking. The rest of camp is spent sneaking off to see each other, culminating it sleeping together the last night. Eddie leaves one of his rings with Steve when they part ways. Eddie doesn’t recognize Steve when he shows up to the new school since cheerleader steve looks so different. He’s wearing the long cheer skirt and the uniform top, his hair is curled meticulously and he’s much quieter. That summer he had been wearing polos and denim shorts with hair pulled back in messy ponytails. He realizes who he is when he catches Steve messing with the ring on a necklace chain during a shared class.

2. I have had a west side story plot bunny in my brain for months now. (It started with the realization that Joe Keery would be a PERFECT Tony and spiraled). It’s similar to the Grease idea but much more closely follows to plot of the musical. Tommy is Steve’s “brother”, his family took him in when his parents died, and he’s been trying to set Steve up with his good friend Billy for months now. Eddie just got out of juvie and is trying his best to stay out of gang activity but then Jeff and the guys show up at his job and harass Joyce, his boss, before nearly dragging him across town to the school dance. The two gangs end up nearly brawling while there, culminating in Tommy and Jeff setting up a rumble for the next day. Meanwhile Eddie and Steve meet eyes, Eddie’s in an ill-fitting sport jacket and button down and Steve is in a hand tailored dress and stockings with a rip over one knee. They slowly make their way to the back of the gymnasium and share a kiss before Tommy shows up and Steve has to drag him off. Eddie leaves the dance on cloud nine, winding his way toward the other gang’s neighborhood and finding Steve. He climbs up the fire escape to meet him and they promise to see each other again. I’m not sure about all of the other little details, but overall plot wise I’m not going to have Eddie die, but it is a close call. Jeff gets killed by Tommy in the rumble, then Eddie kills Tommy and Billy runs to tell everyone and especially Steve. When he finds out that Steve and Eddie are going to run away together he decides to try to stop them and shoots Eddie in the back, narrowly missing his heart.

3. My last idea is loosely regency era/bridgerton inspired but this is already long so I’ll send it in a second ask

historical omegaverse steddie AUs are so fun honestly!!! the more layers we add, the better 💛

[tismandrelativedimensionsinspace]

I just caught up with doctor who and I’m really curious what you think about the episodes? Specifically 73 yards, dot and bubble, and rogue were my personal favourites so I’d love to hear your thoughts on them or the others

ooooh ok yes here we go

space babies - i loved it. ok? i get that a lot of people didnt like the cgi baby mouths. but i think it had such series 1 vibes (i.e. ninth doctor). it took me right back to my childhood. loved it tbh

the devils chord - :/ yeah. maestro was the onky redeeming factor of this episode tbh. it was supposed to be about the beatles but like. nothing about the episodes plot felt specifically beatles-relevant? like. you could have had the exact same plot with any 60s/70s band and it would have worked out the same way. i think if you're gonna do an episode surrounding a specific historical figure, the plot has to Only make sense for that historical figure. otherwise whats the point

boom - ugh. yes. 10/10. loved ncutis acting in this one. HE WAS LITERALLY STUCK ON ONE SPOT THE WHOLE TIME. COULD BARELY MOVE. AND HE STILL GAVE A HELL OF A PERFORMANCE. i was so impressed tbh. i love bottle episodes. the side characters were a little lackluster tbh tho. my only qualm with it really

73 yards - ANOTHER BANGER. i love love love when they get a bit horror with it. i loved that we got to focus on ruby and get to know her and her character a lot better. i very nearly cried when she was sitting outside her mums door on the phone. loved the mystery and the lack of a coherant solution, really added to the spookiness and fae vibes of it all.

dot and bubble - ok. im gonna be honest. this episode was boring to me. nothing really happened for the first 30 minutes. lindy was annoying as fuck. and i know that was supposed to be the point but like. if you're gonna do a doctor-lite-ish episode you've gotta make the focal character interesting. give me sally sparrow any day. i get what they were going for, i see the vision, i just think it could have been executed a bit better

rogue - yessssss!!! yesssssss!!!! loved the gay of it all, obviously, but i feel like that has kinda. taken over literally everything else about the episode??? i love the idea of larping aliens thats so silly and fun. i loved the fight mode scene with ruby holding her own. i loved the bridgerton-esque drama and ruby trying to comfort emily. i loved seeing ncuti get his "fury of the timelord" moment when he thought ruby was dead. the doctors dark side is so important!!! hes not all sunshine and rainbows!!! family of blood anyone!!!!

legend of ruby sunday - hm. the pacing was a little off. i felt like a lot of the time i was like. ok can we get to the point now. they mentioned the anagram thing So Many Times. and probability of trap. like ok girl we get it!!!! but. im very excited about sutekh!! he seems like a fun villain and very high stakes. and im so intruiged and compelled by rubys story. i Need to know who she is and who her mum is so so bad.

ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING BUT. YOU ASKED LMAO. AUTISM MOMENT

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR ASKING BTW ILY!!!!

[melodic-haze]

(🎀) HELLO. HI. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT ASK. i come bearing The List™ since i’m still [very] determined to take rayne - the og simp anon - down, and their ask was definitely a cute try - adorable even, but i’ve come here to win your heart, haze. not to play simple children’s games, so, here are 50 concrete reasons as to why i should be your sole & only wife <3

(+ apparently there are ppl following along on this … very strange love saga? hope u guys consider rooting for my side - i’m very committed to my dear haze <3.)

1. i was ur first ever ask, but before that i kept on lurking on ur account since i was too shy to say anything but every time i opened tumblr i checked ur account first, because i genuinely thought your writing was just lovely but i couldn’t find the words to say it </3 i thought of you as beautiful before i had even come to understand you

2. i’d make homemade meals made just for you + i’d satisfy any and all of your cravings

3. i’m mixed filipino, japanese, AND italian, so that’s how yk the food i can cook is good 🤗

4. i’d buy you flowers whenever, just because <3

5. on every birthday & date anniversary i’d spoil you with any and all the gifts (both handmade and bought) you’d ever want just to make your day extra special

6. i’d bake sweet treats for you every week, along w/ cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner tailored to your likings. bc only the best for you, love 😓😓

7. i’ll write love poems dedicated to you so you’ll know what it is like to be loved by another writer who can see your the beauty of your own language the same way you show your love

8. i’ll take out on beach dates…bookstore dates…photobooth dates…movie dates….anywhere you’d want to go i’ll take you there

9. i’ll write a single love letter to you for each day we’re together and happily married and gift them all to you so you’ll never forget just how much deep my love is for you

10. i’d marry you with paper rings!!

11. my focus in writing / literature in general is poetry and i could write a thousand poems on the beauty of you, your soul, and how gorgeous of a person you already are <3

12. plus i’m the same age as u so…no worrying cases there HAHSHSSJ 😭😭

13. i play the harp + the violin - arguably 2 of the most romantic instruments out there

14. you’d never need to worry about losing a 50/50 again since i’ll fund ALL your gacha game pulls - any character you want you'll have

15. i’d accept that i’d always be #2 to robin, bc. let’s face it. it’s robin, it’s universally impossible to /not/ love her 🫶

16. not only would i be a built-in wife, since i’m [also] a writer, i can be your built-in beta for proofreading and editing advice too

17. i’d drive you anywhere you wanted - passenger princess ofc :) <3

18. you are my eternity, haze. all i’ve been thinking about for the weeks upon end was you. my universe. my other half. the soul of my life, in every way possible, i’d want to love you so intimately; tenderly, slowly, the type of love that feels like the feather-tip press of a kiss to your temple. i’d worship the ground you walked upon if it only meant that the life i would have with you wouldn’t just be a dream. you make this world brighter; something worth living in. i forgave the cruelty the world let run rampant, the day i cast my gaze on you

19. i’d make playlists for every moment we shared together

20. forehead kisses…<3

21. even through death, i would still love you. endlessly. until the end of this universe. the beauty of love will forever transcend the passage of time

22. i’d serenade you with a bridgerton-esque rendition on the violin of lover by taylor swift. or any love song in general, i’d play whatever you wanted as long as it meant i got to fall in love with your soul all over again

23. rain kisses!!! i’d take you out to the sidewalk and pull you into dancing with me under the sheen of the rain <3

24. i’d grow a garden full of your favorite flowers just for you, and on every anniversary i’d hand-pick a bouquet myself because you deserve to be loved the same way it is, to be known

25. i’d take you to late night drives on the beach and i’d just be content watching you in the glow of the sunset, as the waves lap all around us, and for a moment; it’d feel like time itself had stopped in the presence of your beauty.

26. i’d write hand-written notes to leave at your nightstand each morning with tiny gifts (chocolates, handmade jewelry etc)

27. i’d dedicate every love song to ever exist to you <3

28. i’d constantly give out ‘i love you’s’ & reassurance

29. i once believed that my love would forever be burning red, but now that i’ve met you, it’s golden. like the first searing hues of daylight 🙏

30. if you are what you love, then i would spend all of my life writing literature on you. you deserve to be loved gently. even if the divine frowned down on us for our love i’d gladly look back from hell if that meant i could see your face one last time

31. on each birthday of yours, i would write the same amount of poems the age you would be turning, and all of them would be about how i’ve loved you through the years

32. i hope to be able to love you one day and realize that my heart is filled with the idea of you that i’d want nothing more than to be able to call you mine

33. i’d carve our initials on the sand on the beach just so the soil of the earth and the beginnings of all the life that stood before us knew what exactly it meant, when you loved somebody to the point of creation

34. if you wanted to go anywhere in the world - especially abroad - i’d take you. you deserve nothing more than what your heart desires and i’d always make sure to see that your wishes will be fulfilled so you will never have to wonder what it is like to be kept waiting

35. we’d go on aquarium dates!!! 🫶🫶

36. i’d make sure to hold your hand in every life and in every universe

37. we’d spend lazy days in our house just cuddling & watching sitcoms for as long as we’d want!!

38. haze…it’s no use haze. haze, we've got to have it out. i have loved you ever since i have known you haze. i couldn't help it. and - and i tried to show you and you wouldn't let me which is fine but i must make you hear now. give me an answer because i cannot go on like this any longer. i’ve worked hard to please you, and I gave up billiards and everything you didn’t like, and waited and never complained for i hoped you’d love me, though I’m not half good enough — i can’t love anyone else! …if you loved me haze, i would be a perfect saint.

39. kisses all over your face!!! i’d want the entire world to know how much ily and i’d never be afraid to hide it

40. i’d learn everything you have ever loved or enjoyed; whatever it is that makes your heart burst with joy, and memorize it to utmost perfection just so you could have somebody else to understand how it is that you want to be loved

41. i’d build a house for you, brick by brick. any way you wanted or any way you wanted to build a life together, i’d make sure to see fit to it

42. daily coffee dates!!!

43. i’d want nothing more than to just /be/ with you. to exist just knowing you are here and that i am full of the love i hope to give, would be enough for me already.

44. haze….I LOVE YOU!!!! i will stand with you between the heavens and the earth. from the moment i first saw your writing appear on the sub arlecchino tag, i have loved you desperately. i cannot breathe when you are not near. i love you, haze. my heart calls your name. i burn for you.

45. we could match everything!! matching bracelets <3 matching rings <3 matching jewelry in general <33 and trust, it would all either be hand-crafted or the most expensive things you could ever want bc i only want the best for you darling

46. i’d always have the idea of you on my mind. i don’t think anything - not even the divine forces could keep me away from knowing how much i adore you

47. baking with you!! i’d teach you all of my favorite recipes and we could bake together :) we’d make heart shaped cookies and red velvet muffins

48. WE COULD ADOPT PETS TOGETHER!!! cat moms!!! or dogs!! or any animal in general!! i’d want nothing more in life than to just spend it with you <3

49. my first novel would be about you. i’d write countless - thousands - of poems for you, haze. i’d write a collection of all the love i harbor for you in any way conceivable. you are perfection personified - a living muse - it is you i want, haze. it is only you who i would always want.

50. lastly, i’d ALSO suck on your tits any time u wanted :)

so? what do you think? how’d i do, sweetheart? :) if you ever have an answer for me, i’ll be waiting for as long as you’ll have me <3

(btw just for…clarification pls do /not/ take this way too seriously 😭😭. i am just a very over the top (hopefully will be) eng lit major who js wants to win over ur heart <3.)

FIFTY FUCKING REASONS WHAT THR FUCK YOU ACTUALLY WROTE IT OUT I saw this a lot earlier than just now but I had to coordinate backing vox lines for my band's next gig

Anyway the way I genuinely JUMPED when I saw this LIKE FUCKING HELLO......IF ANYTHING THIS IS WHAT DEDICATION LOOKS LIKE GUYS TAKE NOTES oh babe I could KISS YOU

AND THE TAYLOR SWIFT REFERENCES❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️I'M SORRY RAYNE.........

I find the lit and performance majors tend to be the ones who do this and take the entire mile which makes a lot of sense actually

In summary I am FLOORED I fear. And absolutely swooning oh my goodness 😩 AND THE AGE POINT HAHAHAHA THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF THEM ALL 😭😭😭😭😭 IT TOOK ME OUT like how I'd let you take me out for dinner ;)))

[skipppppy]

Anyway I’m bored and Carmen Sandiego renaissance is on the brain. What are these characters like when they aren’t focused on the main plot?? Non VILE/ACME/Caper related dialogue seems so few and far between.. I wish we got to see their lives outside work. So I made some headcanons abt it

CARMEN

Player was her first exposure to the outside world so she probably holds a lot of his nerdy interests close to her heart. She’s not the best at video games but plays them regardless. She especially enjoys sci-fi horror movies from the 80s that go big on practical effects

Finding random trivia about different countries is genuinely one of her favourite hobbies. The little info segments she does are not part of the edutainment show. She is genuinely just like that. This woman is a trove of fun facts please let her unleash them upon you

In the same vein she LOVES quizzes. After missions she will drag Team Red to any bar doing a trivia night in her vicinity and will wipe the floor with everyone there. Fear her

Enjoys people watching. It’s why she’s so good at charming strangers despite her socially stunted upbringing. She’ll sit alone in a busy train station for hours and watch everyone pass her by

PLAYER

Look. We know this kid is a nerd. It’s canon. But which niche of nerdiness does he fall into exactly?

Despite being an avid gamer he isn’t very competitive about it. He prefers single player rpgs, especially ones with active modding scenes. He doesn’t even know what vanilla Skyrim looks like he probably wasn’t even born yet when it released

He will, however, duo queue with Carmen on unranked Overwatch. They are both terrible at it and think it’s the funniest shit

Enjoys sitting back and watching a good speedrun. Will have a video of someone doing a stupid BOTW challenge in the background while he hacks security cameras and such

Runs a DnD campaign for Team Red which they’re all crazy invested in. Shadowsan is the only one who doesn’t care for it but he keeps rolling nat 20’s on the dumbest shit and derailing the campaign and he finds everyone’s reactions too entertaining to stop. They have a rivalry only a DM and a stupidly lucky rogue could have

ZACK

We already know he’s kind of a meathead that enjoys sports and cars and cheesy action movies but I also think he has a lot of softer hobbies that he keeps to himself bc he knows they won’t take him seriously

He’s a secret crocheter. He’ll mend the team’s clothes when they rip but that’s the extent of their knowledge. He’ll sit for hours by himself and knit while listening to music. Sometimes Shadowsan will find a new pair of socks in his bag. When Carmen got sick once she woke up with a handmade blanket draped over her. Ivy has her suspicions but doesn’t wanna intrude

He loves animals. He never really brings it up because no one ever asks. He always checks out local zoos and aquariums if he has the chance. Grew up watching Steve Irwin-esque nature shows and still does to this day

His love of eating is less out of greed and more his own form of cultural appreciation. Idk what happened to his and Ivy’s parents but for reasons he can’t explain their cooking is one of the few things he hasn’t forgotten, so he has a lot of sentimental food-based memories. And experiencing other countries cuisine connects him with that

IVY

PERIOD DRAMAS. They don’t have to be good they just have to be steamy. She enjoys the hot women in pretty dresses. She and Carmen watch Bridgerton together and laugh about how historically inaccurate it is

She LOVES renfaires and similar high fantasy roleplaying communities. Someone please buy this woman a suit of armour

As an engineering prodigy AND fantasy buff she has a massive interest in Blacksmithing and Swords. That’s her designated lesbian hobby. She’s been trying to politely worm her way into a conversation with Shadowsan about the blade he returned to his brother for months now but isn’t sure if it’s too personal of a topic for him so she’s nervous

Her sweet tooth encompasses more than just chocolate. She’s secretly grateful to Zack since he takes most of the flack for being a glutton. She makes note of any bakeries they pass by on capers so she can come back later in secret and go ham on the pastries

SHADOWSAN

I think his interest in Samurai history starts and ends with his love for Hideo. He’ll happily discuss it and he’s studied it passionately, but out of a sense of respect and duty to do right by the brother he betrayed

He will NEVER, EVER admit it to anyone but he genuinely misses the adrenaline rush from committing petty crimes. He was a criminal for over 20 years. Lifestyles are hard to shake and change isn’t linear. He’d never succumb to impulse but he’s just kinda bored

He microdoses on the urge by pranking people. Everyone always blames Zack so he never gets caught. He also enjoys sneaking up on people and making them jump. He’ll always insist it’s unintentional. It isn’t

He’ll read and meditate and train to keep himself centred but he’s still a rowdy young punk at heart. Team Red is the first taste of freedom he’s had after a lifetime of VILE faculty monitoring him. The first thing he bought for himself after settling in at the San Diego HQ was a motorbike. The second was a new tattoo. The third was a potentially lethal amount of whiskey that he drank in one sitting

JULIA

We know she has a passion for history outside her work in Law Enforcement so she definitely goes to all kinds of museums in her free time. She’s the kind of person who enjoys learning just for the sake of learning (she and Carmen have that in common)

Outside of that she’s surprisingly good at karaoke? She gets stage fright but really likes singing and will go all out if you hype her up. Her taste in music is the exact opposite of her appearance and personality. Lots and lots of death metal

An aficionado for different types of tea. She keeps like 10 flavours in her house at all times. She especially likes floral ones that taste light and sweet. She hates iced tea with a passion though

Goes to botanical gardens whenever the weather is warm and the season is right. She likes the history of the old manor houses but she also loves admiring the landscaping and the blooming flowers. She could sit on a bench surrounded by local flora and fauna for hours

DEVINEAUX

Chase is an entirely different person when he’s off the clock. The unhinged high-energy maniac who froths at the mouth about La Femme Rouge goes dormant once he gets home. Especially after he got stranded on VILE island. That really gave him some introspection about work/life balance

The biggest, softest, sappiest hopeless romantic you will ever meet in your life. Passion is just part of his nature and he gets his heart broken A LOT. It’s why he throws himself into his work

He’s a really good chef. Like REALLY good. Before he was a cop he did a few summers as a line cook in his teen years and he retained most of the knowledge. His pantry is STACKED and he tries out recipes he picked up from his ACME travels in his free time. He’s a tad snobby about it because he’s French but you will not complain about the stuff he feeds you

Old movie enjoyer. His favourites are film noirs, cheesy romances, creepy eastern european animation and german expressionism. He has a fervent hatred of Marvel

Also one of those insane people who get up at 5am to do cardio. One morning before a mission he met Agent Zari with barely a glisten of sweat on his forehead and sadly informed her that he only got to run 15k and he wished he had time to do more. That was the first time she ever knew fear

[justallihere]

idk what it is, but I LOVE cranky violet. she just so funny, like a tiny kitten that is agitated 💀

I am so curious to see how Vi's second signet will play out in SITQ, v excited on how you expand on it!!!!

Xaden takes Vi's health very seriously, thank you very much. Even if he has to tell his stubborn wife to take a break!!!!!!

“She’s done for the day,” Xaden said without turning to look at him.  “Hey!” Violet snapped. “You don’t get to decide that.”  “You can’t even sit up straight,” he pointed out.

Tairn is such a tease. I wanna see him "attempt" to maul Xaden and make Vi freak out, making Xaden feel all warm and fuzzy inside bc it shows she cares.

idk if its recency bias, but that entire massage scene felt very Bridgerton-esque (in a good way!!!!) THE TENSION??? THE HAND PLACEMENT???? Mans put his hand underneath her gown. I am UNWELL!!!

I love this for them. i was cackling reading this. Xaden is too funny

“Technically, they’re our books,” he corrected with an infuriating little smirk. “They’re educational.”

“You know I’m the king,” Xaden said, “I’m the richest man in this country. I’m sure I could afford it.”  “I’m the queen,” Violet reminded him, tipping her chin up defiantly. “Your wealth is already mine, which means I have no use for whatever you want to give me.” 

Vi has come so far in being comfortable with her position as queen and all the pros and cons that come with it!! sobbing

I love them so much Alli!!!!!

I have so many ideas for cranky Violet (not necessarily in this world, just in general) because I love her so much

Tairn is too scared of Sgaeyl to actually attempt to do real damage to Xaden 💀

Xaden definitely gives Anthony “obsessed with his wife” Bridgerton vibes. Like he is taking every single opportunity to touch his wife (and also to remind her that he’s hot too and hey please look at him). And anything she wants? He’ll give it to her. Immediately

I love them too my babies!!!!

[urhoneycombwitch]

chewing on the bars of my enclosure (sitting on the bus to work) thinking about rockstar!Eddie x music star!reader. Don't get me wrong, love Eddie, but powerful and petty reader getting her wins after heartbreak? I'm eating that UP omnomnom DELICIOUS!

Like imagine it starts out with her and the band having their albums chase each other on the charts and when Corroded Coffin secures the #1, she sends them a bottle of champagne with a note that says "Congrats on your #1 spot. Don't get too comfortable ;)" and it turns into Eddie and reader connecting. Then all the relationship shit happens and I feel like the breakup would be very Fleetwood Mac "rulers make bad lovers, you better put your kingdom up for sale" and Bridgerton Queen Charlotte esque of Eddie being like "I am a star!" and reader going: "Oh, my mistake. I thought you were just Eddie." because you can't be mighty and powerful in love

then reader's heartbreak album after the breakup absolutely wipes the floor with CC's album + the Grammy win.... ooooo I love the drama and angst

u know what’s wild is usually I’m not an angst girlie (when it comes to fic at least) but I LOVE the drama of this setup too!!! sooooo daisy jones and the six vibes.

might do a proper fic one of these days of rockstar!eddie x singer!reader bookmarking this for later thk u anon 💖

(link to other rockstar!eddie x singer!reader anon)

[malspinningyarns]

Random thoughts on Bridgerton Season 3 rewatch episode 1

I love Portia’s Norma Desmond-esque coat when she leaves the carriage.

Do the Bridgerton girls reuse the same court dress or are they just really similar? Same cut and fabric, different embellishments?

Parrot!

I think Colin’s return hair is my favorite styling. So swoopy.

There is a tiny bee embroidered on Benedict’s waistcoat

It is the Stowells who use BSL in the debut at Court , so I think it is Lady Stowell who is Deaf. I think we hear Miss Stowell speak later talking to Benedict.

What is the order the debutantes get presented in? I can’t figure it out

Poor, sweet Francesca is so bad at socializing.

Violet loves Penelope so much. She doesn’t like Cressida at all.

Colin’s voice is back to normal talking to Pen compared to the rest of the debutants

He’s trying so hard to impress her. And he gets denied. 😂

First appearance of Colin’s yellow waistcoat the day after court presentation

Mr. Dundas is an RSC actor! He was a great Benedick in the like 2014 Much Ado About Nothing.

We love a sneaky way to do an intimate scene (Anthony covering his head to go down on Kate).

God, I love Penelope’s gold shoes.

I do get a kind of desire vibes from Cressida staring at Penelope’s dress reveal

All of these men are regretting talking to Penelope. Poor dear Pen. I’m also shit at talking.

The sad thing is I know all the embroidery stitches.

I would love to see the Zebra Ball.

Anthony glaring at his old friends talking to Francesca. Love to see it.

Also, how do these men expect a young lady to answer “what makes you tick?” Fucking weirdos.

I love the conversation between Penelope and Francesca.

Penelope getting brain freeze was very Princess Diaries. Can someone gif that reference? Also a film where the heroine is in love with her best friend’s older brother.

After Cressida rips Penelope’s dress, you can clearly see that the are trying to cover up Claudia’s cast.

Listen, the “I miss you” line was such flirting but genuinely. Even if he doesn’t know it.

Eloise lecturing Cressida on frankness is honestly a bit hilarious

I love Eloise’s coat

1st appearance of Eloise’s summer muff to hide Claudia’s cast

Anthony and Kate leaving to make an heir: good for them. Probably not great for Violet because she has to handle her neurodivergent children by herself

Colin is so soft with Pen, I can’t. 🥹

I’m not sure who is dumber for this plan. Like it’s a dumb, but well-intentioned plan for Colin. Penelope, you know you love him.

Prudence and Phillipa, don’t you have your own homes?

[unsociableandtaciturnbarbie]

Bridgerton is just socially acceptable Jane Austen Fanfiction, change my mind.

I have a friend who is really into Dungeons and Dragons and one of the most interesting things I’ve learned from her because of this is how mainstream role playing games have become. There’s a TV show on Amazon Prime called Vox Machina that’s actually based on a Dungeons and Dragons campaign called Critical Role that was streamed on Twitch and as a Podcast on Spotify. In other words, a game of roleplaying between a few friends has become a popular TV show for people who don’t even roleplay to enjoy. Naturally, when I heard about The Good Society, I was curious to see what content is out there on the internet. So, I searched it up on Spotify and, lo and behold, a podcast of people playing The Good Society does exist. Each episode is approximately 4 hours long, and I unfortunately do not have the time to dedicate to listening in full. However, the latest episode (from December of 2020) is titled “Zombies”, so I had to at least give it a brief listen (Here’s a YouTube link to a video of them playing through this episode, but I listened in Podcast format: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TiAgFD4DMw&t=9256s). In the episode description itself it’s called a “one-shot” which I feel like I only ever hear applied to fanfiction (more on that later though). 

I started by listening to the first 10 minutes. In those we got an ad break, a brief introduction of the players, and also a song meant to give an overview of the game containing the lyric, “ballers gonna ball”? Then they start to move into the full description of characters, kind of along the lines of what we did in class today. At this point, I learned that they were combining legitimate expansion packs with names like, “Sense, Sensibility, and Swordsmanship” and “Pride, Prejudice, and Practical Magics”. I really needed to see what was going on when they threw all these things together so I just skipped to a random point in the podcast and tried to figure out what was going on. I landed around the 2 hour and 33 minute mark where they are in the letter writing part of the game. This was really interesting because the letters are very “in character” interactions where the players are all talking in accents and using not super modern vocabulary where the rest of the game seems like just a lot of friendly chatting and hanging out. I stuck around just for long enough to find out that they’ve come up with a character who’s going to bring some zombies into the house that’s central to their game. At this point I’d listened to ~30 minutes of this episode so I called it a day, but it was definitely fun to listen to them really get into character and then work together to set some things up and then get in character again and it kind of made me want to play too. 

All I could really think the whole time I listened (and when I first was reading about this game) was that it felt very fanfiction-esque? These characters felt a little more different from Austen characters than our characters, maybe because the players are more experienced and had more time to develop the characters’ personalities, but when we were playing in class today, I felt like if you changed a few names we were just writing Elinor Dashwood/George Wickham fanfiction. When I first heard “Jane Austen roleplay” I thought it was a crazy idea, but the more I learn about it I feel like it’s just Jane Austen fanfic in a collaborative way and I kind of love it.

Having heard about the Dungeons and Dragons show I started to think about what a The Good Society show would look like, but then I thought: Bridgerton exists. Would the writers of Bridgerton call what they did roleplaying? Probably not. But I bet they did sit down together and do almost exactly what we did in class today, coming up with characters and relationships and finding ways to sort of connect them based on that. That kind of got me thinking about the like levels of social acceptance of these things, so I made a meme.

The template here being where as you go down the diagram the description is supposed to be of cooler and more “mind-blowing” things, but all of the items are sort of interlinked as like small steps up from one another. Seriously though, why don’t we call Bridgerton Jane Austen fanfic? I don’t mean to suggest that all regency-themed things are Jane Austen-based; she did not invent the regency. But, the tropes and character hallmarks utilized by Austen show up again and again in fanfic, in romance novels, and yes, even in Bridgerton, whether it's in the meddling mother characters or the brooding rich men. I'm not sure whether we like to pretend we're totally original or admitting to writing fanfic is still too socially unacceptable, but on some level, the background in which modern-day regency romance is set is the world created by Jane Austen, and I think as long as the regency romance genre is around we’ll always be able to find a new bit of Austen within it.

[fantasyescapes17]

Patience (Part 2, Final)

An elaborate charade- that is what your life has been for these past few years, and it has taken the help of more than one person to balance your delicate lies and secrets. Now entering your final season as an eligible young lady seeking wedded bliss, will you be able to keep up the act in order to achieve your dreams?

Genre: Choi Seungcheol x female!reader. Regency!AU (It's sort of Bridgerton-esque in the sense that I give zero attention to historical accuracy and prioritize aesthetics lmao) You are Jeonghan's sister so your last name is Yoon, but the reader has no other specific characteristics, physical or otherwise.

Word Count: 5.2k+

Part 1

Series Masterlist

The assembly rooms were crowded this evening. During the early days of London's season, much of the upper class was eager to gossip and speculate on which eligible young bachelors would finish the season with a ring on their finger.

Viscountess Hong's grip on your arm gave you some comfort. "I believe Seungcheol should be here already," she told you reassuringly. "The Viscount told me that he arrived in London earlier this afternoon… ah! There they are!"

A small group of men were gathered around a card table. You recognised many of them- including Mr. Kwon and Mr. Lee from the Grisham's ball a few days ago. 

But it was difficult to pay attention to other people at the card table when the man you were passionately in love with sat there and looked up at you with wide eyes. 

"Miss Yoon," Seungcheol said as he stood and came over to you without hesitation. There was a heavy pause. Multiple pairs of knowing eyes from the card table turned to watch you with interest. 

You swallowed your nerves and smiled. 

"Mr. Choi."

You shakily offered Seungcheol your hand and he did not hesitate to take it. He lifted it to his soft lips briefly- you longed more than anything to feel his lips against your skin, but your gloves and the watching eyes prevented you from pushing for anything more than this fleeting contact.  

"I am delighted- it has been a long time since I have had the pleasure of seeing you in person," he said breathily. Seungcheol stepped closer and lowered his voice so that only you (and perhaps the Viscountess beside you) could hear him. His dark eyes sparkled mischievously. "You look even more beautiful than I remember."

Your heart leapt. 

Seungcheol had always known how to make you speechless. 

“I- erm-” 

He stepped back again quickly. He was as conscious as you of the watching eyes. While those at the card table had been entrusted with the secret of your clandestine affair, it would not do to have any gossip-mongers catching wind of this. You were in love, but you were not young or foolish. There was too much at stake to be careless now. An uncontrolled display of affection would lead to a scandal- and was certainly not worth destroying the hard work of so many years. 

Viscountess Hong tightened her grip on your arm and turned to her husband. 

“Joshua- the dancing has not yet begun. Shall we take a turn about the gardens? I would like for my dear friend Miss Yoon to accompany us. And Mr. Choi, you look rather flushed. Perhaps you had best join us for a breath of fresh air as well.” 

You bit back a smile. Viscountess Hong was not only very clever, but was proving to be an invaluable friend. You wondered how you would repay her. 

Viscount Hong nodded at his wife. “Of course, my dear.” 

You tried to stay calm as the Viscountess led you along with the two gentlemen out to the gardens. It was late evening- hopefully the approaching dusk would make it harder for your group to be spotted. In any case, the presence of the Viscount and Viscountess as chaperones gave your little venture an innocent appearance. 

The Viscountess was speaking to you pleasantly about the upcoming ball that she and Viscount Hong would be hosting the coming week while your group turned about the walking path in the gardens. She led you to a small but thick copse of trees and glanced around furtively before stopping in her tracks and dropping her sweet smile. 

“Well. We finally appear to be alone. If you walk a little farther you will reach a dead end hidden by bushes. Joshua and I will sit on this bench- nobody will be able to reach you unless they cross us and we shall divert them.” 

You stared at her. 

“I… are you sure it is safe?” you asked hesitantly. “If someone were to see us without you...” 

Viscount Hong exchanged an uncharacteristically mischievous glance with his wife. “It is safe. You can trust us. Go,” he reassured his friends. 

Seungcheol thanked him with a quick nod before disappearing further into the trees and you followed your lover eagerly until the Hongs were just out of sight. The trees brought the path to an end and Seungcheol turned to face you with a soft smile. 

“My love…” 

It appeared your thoughts were aligned. Seungcheol reached for your hands and expertly slid your gloves off in one fluid motion before bringing your bare hands up to his warm, familiar lips. He kissed the back of your hand, your knuckles, your palm, the tips of your fingers- over and over again until you finally twisted your hand and used it to cup his cheek.

“I’ve missed you,” you whispered. 

Seungcheol’s eyes closed as your hands gently caressed the side of his face, and he leaned into your touch eagerly. 

“I have missed you too. More than you can imagine,” he replied with a chuckle. “I am afraid Jeonghan has grown tired of me asking about you. But I cannot help it- hearing the sound of your name has been my only solace for the past many months. How have you been, my love?”

Your heart fluttered. My love. You loved hearing the passionate endearment from his lips. Seungcheol’s dark eyes opened and met yours with an expression of soft adoration that he reserved only for you. 

“As well as I can be, considering the circumstances,” you told him pleasantly. 

Seungcheol smiled and raised an eyebrow. “And what circumstances would those be?”

“The circumstances which keep me apart from you. My mother has promised that Mina will make her debut in society next season. I am confident that she will immediately become the centre of attention and Mother may finally admit that I have no other prospects- then she may be delighted at the thought of me marrying you, despite…” you trailed off hesitantly, realising that you had begun the sentence in a manner which made it difficult to complete. 

“Despite my being a father and widower,” Seungcheol finished for you plainly. 

You avoided his gaze. “Seungcheol, you must not-” 

“My love, please. I am certainly not ignorant of the reasons we keep our affections secret. Your mother is not the only one who knows that you could do far, far better than me in matrimony. You are young and beautiful. You deserve to marry a man who can devote himself to you. You will not hurt my feelings by saying so. Indeed, you insult me by pretending that is not the case. Do not forget that I have received from Jeonghan a list of the numerous men that have sought your hand over the past three years.” 

You looked up at him softly. “None of them could compare to you.” 

Seungcheol covered your hand on his cheek with his own. “Sometimes I wonder if you deceive yourself.” 

You bit back a playful smile. “I have often wondered the same- that perhaps you have cast some terrible spell on me to make me love you so. But then I remember that Jeonghan would never have encouraged our courtship if he did not think you were the perfect match for me. And I trust my brother’s judgement almost as much as my own.” 

“Perhaps you should not trust him. What is this I hear about your dowry?” 

“Oh- it is another lie. I thought it would ward off the fortune hunters, but I am afraid it has made Jeonghan look like quite the villain. He is not pleased. Hopefully he will be able to redeem himself in society soon,” you explained. “I owe him so much.”

“As do I.”

You took a deep breath and then removed your hand from Seungcheol’s face, choosing instead to clasp both his warm hands in yours. “How is Jiwoo? I have not seen him in many months. He must have grown so much.” 

Seungcheol smiled again, as he always did at the mention of his young son. “He has grown. He remembers you well and asks about you frequently. The only reason he allowed me to depart for London this morning is because I promised to bring back a letter from you.” 

“I will write one immediately,” you promised. 

“I have often wondered whether I should ask him how he would feel if you became a part of our family,” Seungcheol admitted gently. “Perhaps…. it is because I am sure that he would be delighted at the idea that I have not asked. I do not want to disappoint him if things do not turn out as we expect.” 

“Why wouldn’t things turn out as we expect?” 

“Because, my love, we are not formally engaged and if you should finally come to your senses and decide that you want a better life for yourself than marrying a widower with a son… I would not want you to deny yourself for fear of hurting Jiwoo or me.” 

You sighed. “That will not happen. We have had this conversation before, Seungcheol, so many times, and I have always told you-” 

“I know, my love. I know. But the only reason you don’t receive five or six offers a year is because your brother goes to great lengths to prevent them, and-” 

“It is because I go to great lengths to prevent them!” you insisted hotly. “Do you think I take this lightly, Seungcheol? Do you think I have thrown away my most eligible and crucial years in society on a whim? This-this entire charade, this act, all the lies- these are all because I love you and I want nothing more in this world than to be your wife one day. I want nothing more than to be able to stand up in society and call you my husband with pride. Do you not believe me when I say these things?” 

Seungcheol lifted his hand to your face gently. “My love…” 

“Well?” 

“Of course I believe you. And I love you. Forgive me.” 

Your brief burst of anger melted away. “We are closer than ever to having what we’ve dreamed of. Please don’t-” 

You were interrupted by a sudden rustling in the bushes. You and Seungcheol jumped apart only to be relieved when only Viscountess Hong appeared. She looked apologetic. 

“I’m afraid some other people have decided to take a turn about the gardens. We may be joined by company in a few moments. I hate to interrupt, but…” 

“Of course,” Seungcheol replied as he dropped your hand and quickly ran a hand over his face. You composed yourself as well and took the arm that the Viscountess offered you. “We should return to the assembly rooms. I am sure the dancing has begun.” 

You walked back with Viscountess Hong, allowing Seungcheol and Viscount Hong to walk ahead. The Viscountess gave you a teasing smile. 

“Had a pleasant conversation?” she asked lightly. 

You smiled at her gratefully. “I don’t know how I shall ever thank you.” 

 “I thought perhaps you may like to name your first child after me….”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You indulged in only one dance with Seungcheol that evening. Any more would certainly warrant suspicion, and you took care to dance with Mr. Kwon Soonyoung and Mr. Lee Seokmin immediately afterwards to ensure that it did not appear as though you were paying any special attention to Seungcheol. Then you retreated to the card tables where you could converse with your lover in a low voice, easily drowned out by the noisy laughter of his friends. 

“I wish this evening would never end,” you whispered to Seungcheol as you pretended to concentrate on your cards. You were not even sure what the card game being played was. Presumably, you were losing money.  “How much longer shall you be in London?” 

Seungcheol’s eyes darted towards you, not allowing them to linger on your face for too long. “Only a few days. I shall probably stay until the Hongs’ ball on Monday- then I will need to return home. You know that Jiwoo cannot be apart from me for long.” 

You smiled. “A feeling he and I share.” 

Seungcheol returned your smile. “Yes, but you do not have the privilege of throwing tantrums and taking out your anger on your governesses. I fear his teenage years dreadfully.”

“Let the poor boy enjoy his childhood. Jeonghan has told me stories of your youth. I know that you were no angel when you were his age,” you said with a small giggle. “Yet you have grown into a gentleman. Jiwoo certainly will too.” 

“Unless you come around and spoil him.” 

You bit back a smile behind your cards. “I might.” 

Seungcheol smiled and turned his attention back to the game as his turn came around. You looked around the room. You had not seen your brother all evening. You expected Jeonghan to be here. He was close friends with Seungcheol, after all, and surely had nothing else to do in London this evening. Perhaps he was tired of company. 

You had just set down your cards, deciding that you were losing too much money to justify continuing this game when the Viscountess approached your chair and bent down near you. 

“Miss Yoon. I am extremely sorry to have to interrupt your evening, but I am afraid I am quite exhausted and must leave for home,” she told you gently.  

You looked up at her in surprise. “Oh- of course. Are you unwell?” 

“Not at all. But my feet have been hurting for some time and I unfortunately as your chaperone, I cannot leave you behind here. The carriage is waiting outside” 

“Of course. I understand. We shall leave at once,” you promised her. You turned to look at Seungcheol who had been listening to your conversation and gave him a longing smile. “You will be at the Hongs’ ball on Monday, you promise?” 

Seungcheol smiled. “I have already accepted the invitation. I shall see you there, my love.” 

—-----------------------------------------

“You smile too much in his presence,” your mother scolded you in a hushed voice. “Try not to expose yourself. We may not be in London but there are still enough people around to misunderstand your intentions and spread rumours.” 

You bit back your smile. It was already the third week of your stay at the Choi estate. Little Jiwoo had announced that he wanted to have a picnic by the river and it being a warm spring afternoon, the rest of the household was in agreement. The Yoons and the Chois had set off, with neatly packed picnic baskets and blankets to enjoy the beautiful outdoors. 

“Would it be so very bad, mother?” you wondered innocently. 

Your mother looked horrified. “What? Good heavens, child, what can you be thinking?” 

Seungcheol was playing a lively game of catch with Mina and little Jiwoo on the grass a short distance away. He was incredibly patient with both of them. He made sure to throw the ball gently to Jiwoo, and offered Mina praise whenever she did well. Seungcheol’s bright smile and tousled hair shone in the soft sunlight, making it difficult to keep your eyes off him. 

Choi Seungcheol was the most perfect man you had ever met. 

You tried not to blush. “I only mean… we know Mr. Choi well, He is the same age as Jeonghan, and has been friends with him for many years. He is rich. He has a large estate, he is a gentleman and he has been so kind to us during our stay here…” 

Your mother stared at you. “Are you a fool? He is a widower. He has a son.” 

“Why should that matter? I don’t understand, mother.” 

“You are too young, child. You do not comprehend the dangers of being a second wife. Mr. Choi already has an heir; an heir to whom you are not the mother. Even if you have further children with him, they will not be the ones to inherit his estate. If Mr Choi should die- as men often do- you will be at the mercy of that boy who may cast you out of the house and onto the street. Do you think he will have much love for his stepmother? You are a woman. Your future happiness and security relies on securing a position that nobody can question, a position that is not so precarious.” 

You looked at your mother quietly. “Do you consider your own position so precarious, mother?” 

“It was different for me,” she said dismissively.  

“How was it different?” 

“I was not as young as you. I was not as pretty as you. I was not as rich as you. I took the best position I could find and I am lucky your father was kind to me while he was alive. But you deserve better. You are one of the most desirable young women in society and you have no need to… to settle for someone like Mr. Choi.” 

You looked down at your hands. “I see.” 

“Trust me, my dear. Once we arrive in London next season and all the handsome young men begin vying for your hand, you will understand that you could do much, much better than Mr. Choi. I promise you.” 

You turned away. Seungcheol had just caught a ball that Mina threw at him clumsily and as he turned his head in your direction, your eyes met. He gave you a warm, lopsided smile and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes before gesturing for you to join them. 

“Miss Yoon! You should join our game- your sister Mina says you are a terrible catch and you must prove her wrong,” he called out to you cheerfully. 

You laughed. “I am afraid Mina is quite right!” 

“Then perhaps Jiwoo can teach you how to catch!” 

You glanced at your mother for permission. She looked displeased but made no move to prevent you from joining their lively game. You quickly brushed off your skirts and walked over to little Jiwoo, who looked up at you with a big gummy smile that resembled his father’s. 

“I’m afraid that I do not know how to play. Will you teach me, Jiwoo?” you requested. 

Jiwoo nodded shyly. “Of course, Miss Yoon!” 

You looked up and your eyes met Seungcheol’s once again. He was watching you with a quiet, admiring look in his eyes that made it difficult not to blush. Your mother was right about some things. Perhaps you did smile too much in Mr Choi’s presence, and perhaps you were too enamoured with the handsome widower. Maybe, just maybe, he was a little too taken by you as well. 

But she was wrong about one thing. 

You would not be settling if you married Mr. Choi Seungcheol for love. 

—-------------------------------------------------

The Hongs’ carriage stopped outside your London abode and you bid farewell to your friends before rushing up the front stairs. A manservant opened the door for you. When you entered the lobby, you realised immediately that something was quite wrong. 

One of your mother’s ladies maids looked distressed and cried out when she saw you. 

“Miss Yoon! Oh, you must come quickly, your mother is in such an uproar!” she cried. 

Your heart sank. “What…” 

There was a loud crashing noise from the adjoining dining room and you could hear the muffled sounds of your mother yelling. You ran as fast as your heavy gown would allow and threw the door open just in time to see your mother throw a porcelain plate straight at Jeonghan’s head. He managed to dodge it and the plate hit the wall behind him before shattering to pieces. 

“Madam, please!” Jeonghan yelled desperately. 

You ran to your mother and grabbed her hand before she could reach for another plate. “Mother!” you cried. “Stop it, what are you doing? You’ll hurt him!”

Your mother turned to you, her face red and eyes wild. “What else shall I do? Do you know what that boy has done? He has proposed to Mr. Jeon’s daughter! After blatantly stealing your dowry and ruining your prospects and driving away your suitors, he has the nerve- the audacity- to marry and next he will throw us out of our home! How dare he? After all I’ve done for him since he was a child-” 

You seized your mother’s arms. “Mother, please, there must be some explanation-” 

“Ask him! Ask him- he is responsible for our current state!” she screamed. 

You looked at Jeonghan. Your brother had turned to face the wall and was pressing his fingers to his temple. He looked stressed, and your heart sank in your stomach. This was your fault. Jeonghan was taking this abuse from your mother solely for your sake and it struck you how selfish you had been. 

“Mother, sit down,” you told her gently. “Let us talk about this-” 

She huffed. “I will not sit down! I am going to take our carriage straight to the Jeons’ manor and inform Mr. Jeon the precise nature of the villain that he is about to promise his daughter to! After destroying so many of your prospects I don’t see why he should be allowed to happily marry whomever he pleases!” 

Jeonghan turned and looked at your mother, alarmed. This was the first you had heard of Jeonghan courting anyone, much less proposing to Miss Jeon,  but that was a discussion for a later time. It was clear from your brother’s expression that the idea of your mother going anywhere near the Jeons’ home absolutely horrified him. 

“Mother, you will do no such thing,” you told her firmly. “Jeonghan has not taken my dowry.” 

“What?” 

“I asked him to lie. The dowry money is safe and Jeonghan has promised he will give the full amount to me when I am married- only… only I have already decided who I wish to marry, mother.” 

Your mother looked bewildered. 

“I don’t understand. You have not received any proposals this season.” 

Your lower lip trembled. It was difficult to reveal the secret that you had kept hidden from her for so long- almost as much for her sake as your own because you knew how she felt about Seungcheol. You knew that her disapproval of him stemmed not from any ill will towards him, but from her own insecurities and her love for you. 

But it was not right to allow Jeonghan to bear the brunt of your problems any longer. 

Somebody would be hurt tonight. Perhaps it was best for it to be you. 

“Mother, I have been courting Mr. Choi Seungcheol for the past three years.” 

Your mother stared at you in horror- she looked disbelieving for a moment but then a sudden understanding dawned behind her eyes. Her knees trembled and you kept a grip on her arm as she pulled out one of the dining room chairs and sat down shakily. She looked up at you with disdain. 

“I warned you about Mr. Choi. He is a widower! He has a son!” she cried. 

“I know,” you whispered. 

“You know nothing! You are a fool! Is this the reason you have turned down multiple proposals over the last three years? I wondered why all those eligible men never-but- for heaven’s sake,” her fingers gripped the tablecloth in rage as she stared at you. “To go so far as to destroy your own prospects?” 

“I thought… if my prospects were not quite so attractive….” 

Your mother whirled around to face Jeonghan. “And you! Did it not occur to you to talk your sister out of this damnable courtship instead of encouraging her foolishness and enabling it?” she demanded. 

“Mother, you cannot blame Jeonghan for everything-” 

“Why not? He is the man of this household, he is responsible for safeguarding the virtue of his sisters-” 

Jeonghan sighed and let his shoulders slump forward with exhaustion. “Madam. My sister's virtue is perfectly safe. But believe me when I say that she could hardly find a man more trustworthy or devoted to her than Mr. Choi."

Your mother looked more and more distressed as she realised that this was serious, that you and Jeonghan and Mr. Choi had been keeping up this charade for years now. She slumped against the chair and looked up at you with a defeated expression. 

"You are making a mistake," she whispered. 

You blinked back your tears. "Mother, I love him. And I love you as well. I know you have my best interests at heart, but please. Please allow me to make this decision for myself."

"He has a son-"

"A son whom I will love as my own."

She shook her head. "You are a fool. You are a blubbering fool, you will destroy your younger sister's prospects if you insist on making this unseemly match-"

"Then I will wait. I will wait until Mina comes out in society and is married, and only then will Seungcheol and I marry."

"That could be years."

"I have already waited three years. A few more will not kill me."

Your mother looked at you with an unreadable expression and then clenched her fists before standing up. She seemed to have reached some form of silent resignation. “Well. If you have arranged everything for yourself then I hardly see why my presence is required here. I shall retire for the evening. Do not follow me.” 

Your mother stood and left. You were left alone with Jeonghan in the large dining room. Your knees felt weak- it was incredibly painful to be forced to reveal years of deception to your mother, but at the same time you felt as though an enormous burden had been lifted off your shoulders. You looked up at your brother shakily. 

“Jeonghan…” 

“Well, it is what it is,” he told you gently. “She had to find out someday.” 

“Not like this.” 

“Go to bed, sister. You must be tired. We will speak in the morning.” 

You swallowed and nodded. 

—----------------------------------------------------------------

The sunlight streaming through the sheer curtains woke you the next morning- you had slept fitfully all night and had a headache. One of the maids came into the room and hurried to your bedside. 

“Miss Yoon- you must awaken! Mr. Choi Seungcheol has come to call unannounced this morning, and he is sitting in the breakfast parlour with your mother and brother!” she insisted. 

You sat up. 

“What?” 

“Hurry- you must dress!” 

You felt light-headed and allowed the maid to quickly help you dress and make you presentable. Once you had composed yourself you hurried down to the breakfast parlour, where you found your mother and brother just finishing their breakfast- and Mr. Choi Seungcheol sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of him. 

You swallowed nervously. “Mr. Choi-Seungcheol- what… what are you doing here?” 

Seungcheol gave you a gentle smile but it was your mother who spoke up. 

“He came to seek my blessing to make you an offer,” she told you tightly, while tearing some of the crust off her toast. “I will not pretend I am happy about this. I have put far too much effort to let you throw yourself away and marry beneath you. But considering how long you lot have kept up this charade and how many men you have already refused, I am no longer confident in my ability to persuade you to marry another man.” 

Your heart leapt. “Mother…” 

“You will not marry now,” she ordered firmly. “You will be quiet and announce your engagement only after Mina is wed. I won’t have your foolish decisions destroying your younger sister’s prospects. She deserves the best she can have.” 

You nodded. “Of-of course.” 

“And Jeonghan, you will immediately correct any misconceptions the ton may have about the dowry your sisters are to receive.”

Jeonghan smiled. “Of course, madam.” 

“Then,” your mother replied as she dropped her toast back onto her plate and rose from the table. “It is settled. I will count on your continued discretion, Mr. Choi. I will not have my daughter’s honour questioned and I trust you will not take unnecessary risks or liberties until I have secured a husband for my younger daughter.” 

Seungcheol stood calmly and bowed his head. “You have my word, madam.” 

Your mother left the room before you could stop her. Jeonghan stood as well, and gave you a gentle smile and a reassuring pat on the arm before leaving the room so that you could be alone with Seungcheol. Your lover came towards you and took your hand. His dark eyes met yours hesitantly.  

“Perhaps that could have gone better- but I imagine it also could have gone much, much worse,” he admitted.  

You bit your lip as you looked up at him. “How did you know?” 

“Jeonghan sent word of what occured last night. I thought it was about time I stopped hiding behind this clandestine affair like a child and brought myself to face your mother. She is not wrong to have her fears, my love. I thought it was my responsibility to try and convince her that her daughter would be safe and loved with me.” 

“I… I….” 

“It’s all right, darling. Come here.” 

Seungcheol took you into his embrace. His strong arms encircled you firmly and you pressed your cheek to the soft fabric of his coat. This sort of intimate touch was rare, and as you wrapped your arms around him you realised that you were one step closer to becoming his wife, to being able to embrace him and feel him close to you like this every single day. 

Seungcheol leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to your hair. 

“I am sorry that we must wait longer,” he said to you gently. “I know it has already been so long. But your mother is right, we should not do anything that would jeopardise Mina’s debut in society next year. Your sister deserves the very best.” 

You nodded into his shoulder. “I know.” 

“Can you wait for me a little longer, my love?” 

“You are lucky,” you told him with a smile as you looked up into your handsome lover’s dark, smouldering eyes, “that patience is not a virtue I lack.” 

“I love you, my darling.” 

“And I you.” 

Seungcheol brought his hand to your chin and tilted your head up before pressing a soft, chaste kiss to your lips. It was more than you had ever dared to do before- but in the safety of your home with no fear of being seen, it was a liberty that Seungcheol could not resist taking. You closed your eyes and let out a soft sigh against his lips. 

“Do you mean to steal my virtue before we are even formally engaged, Mr. Choi?” you teased him lightly as he pulled back, his dark eyes still focused on your soft lips. 

Seungcheol smiled. “I suppose I shall try to make do with the heart I have stolen for now.” 

You smiled and embraced him once more. 

It would not be easy, you thought to yourself as you melted into his arms. But you would wait as long as you had to, for a chance at a lifetime with Choi Seungcheol.

---------------------------------------

A/N: Thanks to anyone who made it this far reading! I know this wasn't totally complete (in the sense it didn't go all the way up to their getting married) but I'm thinking of maybe showing that in a spin-off story through the eyes of another character? Does anyone want to see what Jeonghan's been hiding behind the scenes here, or maybe experience this world through the eyes of either Mina or Mrs. Hong? (or just a totally different member that didn't show up here?) Feel free to hit me with thoughts.

[hopepaigeturner]

An Offer From an Avid Reader: The Sofa Scene. Part 1.

This is part 1 of 2, for part 2 fits in more with #benophieweek 2023 prompt for the day.

✨The Context:✨

Benedict has found out about Sophie being the Lady in Silver. 

As I detailed in my Benedict Bridgerton post, he is at first furious and takes this out on Genevieve. (“How could you not tell me” vibes). And rightly, Geniveve sets him straight, letting him know how heartbroken Sophie was and it was for ehr safety that she was tight-lipped. 

This leads to a scene between Will and Benedict, where Benedict is given the final push he needs to follow his heart. He goes back to his studio to think but all he does is paint…

Concurrently we have Eloise. 

Throughout the season Eloise has been writing a column, a little Whistledown–esque, but not as popular. (I shall expand on this in a later Eloise post).

Therefore Eloise has been spending the series running around London with her two trusty, albeit exasperated, servants–Sophie & John the footman. 

Sophie and John are doing an errand for Eloise but their sneaky sneaky plan goes awry and they get separated. Unable to find John, Sophie decides to walk back to Bridgerton House.

And just as she is turning the corner on the edge of Mayfair she hears a voice like honey dripped over knives…Araminta. 

Que book scene: Sophie is having a panic attack as she listens, frozen in her hiding place.

 The scene flashes between a hyperventilating Sophie and flashes of moments from the morning Araminta found out Sophie had attended the ball.

How the scars on Sophie’s face are from Araminta’’s nail scratches; how the scar on her temple was caused by Araminta throwing a vase at her head; and how the scar running along her throat occurred when Araminta put a broken shard of vase against it till it bled red before throwing her out of the house by her hair. The flashbacks stop and the present returns–just as a figure spots Sophie. A woman who lifts her black veil to reveal a round face with a wine stain birthmark. “Sophie?” Sophie is frozen. Araminta calls for Posy back into the carriage. Posy nods and rushes back. 

In the aftermath, Sophie is still gripped in a silent panic attack, dissociating and shaking uncontrollably. And even as the carriage rolls away she stays there. 

And so, without further ado…

✨The Scene✨

Scene cuts to Benedict, striding along the street, muttering under his breath the apology he wishes to give to Sophie, and how he will broach the subject of her being the woman at the masquerade.

Then out of the corner of his eye he spots something–Sophie.She is still at the wall, still dissociating, still shaking. 

Benedict rushes over and tries to rouse her, but Sophie barely responds. Benedict tried again then, with a snap, Sophie clutches his sleeve in a vice-like grip. Stricken, Benedict gently coaxes her to come and rest at his studio.

Benedict leads Sophie, into his studio sweeping disarrayed clothes and sketches off the chaise lounge so she can settle. All his motions are soft as, for a moment, all his yearning, swirling emotions fade away to leave only one desire—ensuring Sophie’s wellbeing.

He cups her face and whispers her name and when that does not work, he grabs a paintbrush, (slightly damp from the water), and draws patterns over her arms, allowing Sophie to use the pressure to ground herself.

Sophie’s hand loosens slightly, indicating that she has returned.

“Benedict?” she whispers.

“You are safe—you are safe here,” he hushes. Sophie exhales shakily and leans into him. But after a moment she regains her senses and jerks away. 

“I should leave.” She scrambles up. 

“No—Sophie.” Benedict tries to follow but she whirls away.

“I should leave right now.” 

“Sophie, I need to talk—”

“I think that would be a bad idea.” All too easily she can see his shocked expression at that nursery door when the truth finally revealed itself. An expression that could be nothing less than horror and anger. She starts towards the door but Benedict jumps in front of her,

“Sophie, please, at least allow me to walk you home.”

“It is merely across the square, I shall be fine.” She tries to brush past him but he stays one step ahead.

“And if that ‘old mistress’ of yours returns to petrify you? What will you do then?”

“Why would you care?”

Benedict looks visibly hurt.

“I care, you know I care—you are many things, Sophie, but you are not blind. I care for you, I have cared for you for years—”

“Oh really?” She cries, her own suppressed feelings over the months finally spilling out of her. Her usual self-control completely worn out. “That night was so special that it took you months to recognise me?”

“That is not fair. You are the one who should have told me. Why did you not? To spite me? To torture me with the dream of you? You were not fair!”

“No, Benedict Bridgerton you do not get to tell me what is fair,” Sophei steps up to him, fury and heartbreak mixing in her eyes, “not after the life I have led, not after the months I have spent nursing heartbreak that the man who saw my soul could not see past a maid’s uniform!” She cries. “Admit it, Benedict, I was a flighty fancy who was replaced the next evening by another pretty face. A memory that you banished to the recesses of your mind. That is who I was to you, Benedict. Another conquest, another muse—”

“You have no idea what you meant to me,” Benedict cries, his voice wretched. “ I knocked on Penwood’s door the very next morning to find you. I spent months attending balls and soirees and pointless parades desperately searching for you. I meant every word I said on that terrace, including my promise to you.You have haunted my every dream and echoed in my heart every day for the past two years. You stole my heart with a dance and a kiss and I have spent the last two years stumbling around this world trying to fill the void that you left behind. That is heartbreak. That is why you should have told me.”

“And what?” Sophie replies,  “What difference would that have made? I am not a lady, I am a maid. Even if you had known back by that lake, you would have asked me to be your mistress regardless. Am I wrong?”

Benedict quietens, retrospection highlighting his troublesome behaviour. With a quieter voice he replies,

“You are not wrong, and for that I must apologise, for forcing your hand because I could not bear to let you go.”

“Thank you,” Sophie shakes herself, “but it does not change—”

“It would have been different.” Benedict continues.  “I would not have tormented myself about betraying that memory for the reality in front of me. I would not have waited. I would not have hesitated to accept the undeniable truth that I belong with you, forever and a day.”

Sophie is stunned, then scoffs.

“Now, you are being fanciful. I am a maid”

“No, you are not.”

“Benedict—”

But Benedict continues unperturbed,

“You are not a maid. That night you spoke with the perfect airs and graces like any other debutante.”

Sophie’s stomach starts twisting around and round as she starts spiralling.

“You would be surprised how far learning an accent like this benefits employment—”

“You know French and latin.”

“The lady at the house—”

“Phaeton lessons? Pianoforte lessons? Long hours to read a surprising breadth of literature?”

“Oh I see. So it is only aristocrats who have the capability to enjoy literature then?” Sophie fights back, desperate to cling onto her fantasy, the nice fantasy of Sophie–not the ugly one. Benedict continues, 

“No. But servants do not have time, access or means to enjoy such a variety of literature that you have read. I wager editions of Mallory’s Morte D’Arthur cannot be purchased on even the most generous of salaries.”

“Believe what you may.”

“I will and that is why I believe you to be an illegitimate child.”

The fantasy crumbles, leaving Sophie scrambling, falling, with nothing to cling onto.

“I do not—I do not…”

“It would explain your level of education and refinement, but also your current predicament. I assume the lady of the house did not look too kindly on another woman’s child?” Benedict’s eyes soften, “Even though that is no excuse for treating you so poorly in ways I can only fear.”

Araminta’s words start whispering as Benedict continues. 

B—--d child. B—--d child….

“It would explain how you do not wish to talk about your family, but there is always a shadow lingering in your eyes when the topic arises. It would explain why you have so many secrets and why they burden you so…”

“You do not—”

“Was your father the deceased Earl of Penwood, Sophie? Is that why you wore the Penwood crest on your gloves that night?”

Sophe stays silent, eyes brimming with tears. Because she knows what will happen next. She knows that, like everyone else, Benedict will retreat from her shameful truth, try to hide his disdain before walking away.

 “Are there any other dirty little secrets of mine you feel entitled to? Hmm?” she asks. 

“Sophie, I—”

“What? You want more?” Her voice rises with her emotions. For if he is going to walk away he might as well know all of it. Every shameful, disdainful part,

“I just want the truth—”

“Fine, have it all!”

As she speaks, flashes of the past play on the screen of every person stepping away from her; the staff upon opening the door to find 3 year old Sophie; her father when he saw her natural smile and Araminta on their fateful first meeting. 

“Yes, yes, you are right! I am the child of a nameless maid and the late Earl of Penwood, a scourge on its hallowed name, an abomination—a b—--d—as my stepmother would remind me every day of my childhood and every day that I scrubbed floors and pinned her daughters’ hair. That is who your precious Lady in Silver is. A fraud. An impostor. A girl in dress-up doing a friend a favour who stupidly allowed herself to imagine that for one moment, one tiny moment that she deserved such a life.”

“Sophie—”

“That is who I am, Benedict. I am the b—--d child of a—”

Benedict steps forward and pulls her into his arms and holds her tight.

And Sophie freezes, unable to comprehend the moment. A moment where someone embraces and comforts her even with all the terrible, barbed parts of her exposed. But ever so slowly Sophie softens, closes her eyes as the tears seep out, and rests in that embrace.

After a few moments, Benedict pulls back but keeps her close, so she can see the sincerity in his eyes and words.

“You are Sophie. You are a woman who is kind and compassionate even after a life of hardship that would bow or break even the strongest of men. You are a woman who stands by her convictions no matter how many people try and sway you, no matter how many lashes you endure or even if the other road is easier. You, Sophie Beckett, are brilliant, in mind, heart and soul. I am inspired by you; I am humbled by you, and I am honoured to be in your presence and awed by every facet of your being. That is who you are, Sophie.” His voice rasps slightly, as if he is on the edge of speechlessness. “That is who you are, Sophie.”

“I do not…I—”

Benedict tenderly wipes away her tears.

“There is no need to say anything. Just know that every word I have said to you past and present have been the truth. You have stolen my heart Sophie. You stole it on that moonlit night and you stole it once more over these last months.”

“Your heart?” 

Benedict smiles slightly.

“Let me show you.”

And he moves her into the main studio. It is a cluttered room of artistic mess, piles of sketches on every surface and pinned on the walls–all of them sketches of her. And there on the easel is the painting Benedict has worked all night on.

It is her, Sophie, as the Lady in Silver, her skirt moving like liquid moonlight, her hair awry around her face. And like every one of Benedict’s paintings, he has captured the moment and emotion. So, she feels it all. Feels the awe in the way Benedict has painted the highlights. She can feel the beauty in the features—even her face with her scars present. She can feel the love in every brushstroke and every layer.

She turns to Benedict.

“I love you,” he states.

No fanciful words, no poetry. The undeniable truth.

“You love me,” Sophie replies, voice breathy, but not in disbelief, “as much as I love you.”

And then Benedict is kissing her, and she is kissing him back. The torrent of their love overflowing into their kisses.

They whisper those three important words as they stumble until they hit the wall. And when they finally break for breath Sophie whispers,

“That night from the moment I put on the dress to walking across the hall, my heart hammered against my ribcage. But as soon as I stepped into the room, even before I saw you, I felt you.” Her fingers gently trace his features. “Anticipation. Magic.  And when I turned around and I saw you, my heart settled into a rhythm at once new but also familiar. Because it knew,” she takes his hand and places it on her heart. “It knew that it would only ever beat in this rhythm for you, it would only ever love you. Forever and always.”

Benedict opens his mouth, as if to say something, but no sound comes out.

The poet is speechless.

He kisses her again, slower, reverentially. The type of kiss that infuses in your bones and your blood. Sophie softens, so Benedict pulls her into him…

*~*~*~*~*

Now, I’m terrible at smut scenes and I don’t really want to do one due to professional and personal reasons. So…I’ll leave it up to your imagination.

HOWEVER a couple things:

1.NO penetrative SEGGSY.

This might be unpopular but I was really uncomfortable that Sophie had this very legitimate reason for not wishing to have sex, a boundary built on a significant amount of trauma, yet Benedict Bridgerton pops along and his smile bulldoes that barrier away. Today I know that this had to happen because of the very prescriptive publishing criteria of the romance genre, but still.

I don’t have a problem with Benophie becoming sexually intimate, just not penetrative sex. The show has already shown that you can have a steamy, romantic love scene without it. *cough* Kanthony *cough*. 

Creativity people! Because we all know there are many ways to pleasure that do not risk an illegitimate child situation…

2. Sophie is in control.

Sophie has not had a lot of control over her life, in any arena particularly. However, sex is a completely new category, and I would love it if Sophie takes the opportunity to be in control. (Also, as I have pointed out in a prior post here, the show has shown that Benedict likes being bossed around in bed).

3.   Potentially Benedict realising where Sophie’s scars come from.

In my opinion another way they could sell the whole ‘Benedict not recognising Sophie’ is if she has some scars that weren’t there. Even if this is not the case, I think Sophie in her lifetime has sadly accumulated scars. I want Benedict to realise what happened on that morning when he visited the Penwoods. I want him to kiss her scars, call them beautiful and when Sophie squirms he whispers…

“Your scars are beautiful because they are markings that you survived. Testaments to the strength you had to pull yourself through the burning trials of life and emerge with your heart blazing. That is why I call them beautiful.”

I just think that would be uber romantic.

4. Scene ends and fades out. Only to fade into the will reading of Grandma Alexandra…

*~*~*~*~*~*

END OF PART 1

Part 2 will come this evening and link in with Benophie week 2023. 

As always I’d love to hear your ideas/corrections/opinions and always open to chat or requests.

So, check out the list here, for more of my ideas.

Or check out the general arcs of my prospective S4 here.