#Brenda is Not
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The most incomprehensible Bea Casely moment is when she dreamily describes Olive Garden as âso authenticâ when a) she lived in Boston for several years and b) went to Italy
#everyone from the North End listening to the in universe podcast is out for blood#arden pod#perpetual perpetual ladies night#I am leaning into this with the dracula AU in that she is delighted by British cuisine#Brenda is Not
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Okay so like. You know your own name as a kid, right?
You remember how it sounds, how your parents say it, how your friends say it- you learn how to spell it, and maybe even what it means and why it was given to you, and it's yours.
It's not a tangible, physical thing, like your hair or your fingernails, but it's yours. It belongs to you.
So, like. Imagine there comes a point in life where everyone gets their name tattooed to their forehead, or something.
Could be when they're two. Could be when they're twenty. Hell, it could be when they're eighty, or ninety-nine, or whenever. But it's everybody, and it's inevitable, and it happens.
Now imagine the time comes for you, and you get up after and look in the mirror and realize they spelled it wrong.
And you have to go outside and live your life in a world where everybody is so totally used to knowing people's names on sight that not a single person second-guesses that your parents named you Susam, or Ahley, or Benjabib.
And you know it's wrong, every time you hear it, but you can choose to explain every single time- every time you're called in a coffee queue, every time a teacher picks you in class, every time you meet a new person or bump into a stranger or are greeted on the street, by children and employers and door-to-door salesmen and your fucking waitress- or you can kind of just learn to grit your teeth and ignore it.
You still notice, of course- maybe you learn to accept it, maybe you hate it every time, but whether you do anything about it or not, you still know. You know people have the wrong word for you in your head.
You know they still mean YOU, but it's not you.
So what's your solution?
Do you shrug, decide it doesn't matter, and go about your life?
Do you smear the typo over with foundation, pencil in new letters every morning?
Do you stare into the mirror sometimes and think, "wow, I should really get that fixed"?
Maybe you save up your money and get it removed, or covered up, or changed to something else. Maybe the whole damn thing was wrong, and you've been a Jacob running around as a Hailey this whole damn time.
That's the best way to explain it. It's not an easily-provable thing, or a demonstrable thing, or a feeling I can one-for-one substitute as something else-
but that's what it's like to know you're not a girl.
#Based on a conversation with a family member#It's fine if you don't get it Brendo that probably means you haven't experienced it#Oh sorry âBrendaâ#My bad
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Claudia, c. 1970s
#the fact that Claudia died bf we got to see her in 1970s fashion was a real crime#i know she would have looked GORGEOUS#claudia deserved the world <3333#her style here is heavily influenced by brenda sykes in the 70's#iwtv art#iwtv#claudia de lioncourt#my art
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#lana del rey#lizzy grant#lana del rey lasso#coquette#dollette#farmers daughter#pearl 2022#maxine minx#mia goth#countryside#girlblogging#this is a girlblog#divine feminine#brenda sykes#60s beauty#just girly thoughts#just girly posts#just girly things#hell is a teenage girl#girlhood#it girl#soft aesthetic#light feminine#trailer park princess#pinterest aesthetic#cowgirl#paradise edition#vintage#this is what makes us girls#hyper feminine
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notes/replies on that last post (about Florida moving to ban all HRT for adults) suggest it was struck down by a judge, which is a relief obviously. but i do wanna pick up on the response being "set up DIY networks for HRT! organise and help each other!" which is cool and all but... as the latest reblog comment points out, T is a controlled drug.
some quick and dirty googling confirms testosterone is a Schedule III controlled drug in the USA, with most legal sources suggesting possession and/or distribution of Schedule III drugs is a 3rd degree felony. conviction can mean up to five years in prison and a $5,000 fine. crucially, in Florida (where this law was intended to come into force), selling or distributing a Schedule III drug to minors pushes it up to a 2nd degree felony with a harsher fine/sentence.
i make this point because the response to HRT being restricted is often some variation of "mutual aid DIY network" or just flat suggesting DIY to people as the solution. which is cool if you're on estrogen, but possessing testosterone without a prescription is a literal felony in the USA. T is also a controlled drug in the UK, where trans people face long waiting lists for HRT - it's not illegal to possess T for personal use, but it is illegal to get them sent to you from abroad (importing a controlled drug) and to give them to other people (supply). to legally get T you need a prescription from a doctor.
in a hostile transphobic environment there is no guarantee that prosecuters will decide not to charge trans people for DIYing HRT. "set up DIY networks" for transmascs basically translates to "set up an illegal drug ring".
this is a form of transphobia that affects transmascs but does not affect transfems. it also affects nonbinary and intersex folks seeking or using testosterone HRT. in fact it could potentially impact some nonbinary trans folks worse because the medical gatekeeping around trying to transition as nonbinary is already an uphill struggle.
it is not easy for those of us on T to just DIY it and fuck the system. without a valid prescription our HRT becomes a banned illegal steroid that can land us in serious legal trouble if we get caught, especially if we're distributing it to other people as part of a mutual aid setup. i know we're all very "be gay do crime" for the memes but we are talking about an actual factual go-to-jail-irl crime here.
the fact that our HRT is an illegal drug unless prescribed by a doctor is a form of transandrophobia that affects trans men, transmascs, nonbinary people on masculinising HRT, and intersex people who want or need testosterone. it means that:
we cannot DIY transition without committing a crime, and have to weigh up that risk when considering DIY as an option
setting up a mutual aid testosterone DIY network is even more of a crime, especially if you want to use it to help trans teens
we are thus more dependent on placating medical practitioners and convincing them to prescribe us HRT
we will always be more impacted by any moves to restrict or delay access to HRT because we don't have an easy, legal DIY option
when access to HRT is limited for transphobic reasons, the DIY option comes at much higher risk
where access to HRT is severely delayed (as it is in the UK by years-long waiting lists), it is easier for transfems to start DIYing while they wait than it is for transmascs to do the same thing. in fact in the UK they've started selling estrogen HRT over the counter for menopause, so here if you want to start estrogen DIY all you have to do is get a cis lady friend to ask a pharmacist for menopause treatments. if you wanna start T you have to go on the fucking dark web (I'm exaggerating but... not a lot)
none of this is intended to suggest that transfems don't experience medical transphobia or gatekeeping and this isn't a "trans men have it worse universally across the board" post. there are undoubtedly some areas where it's harder to be transfem. however, this is one area where it is clearly and demonstrably harder to be a trans man. i am pointing this out because i keep seeing people saying that transmascs have it easier or there's no systemic or structural transphobia targeting trans men or we only ever experience misdirected misogyny or whatever. here is your proof that that is not true. this is a form of structural and systemic transphobia that impacts trans men and not trans women. and there is no possible world in which you can argue that testosterone being a controlled drug is somehow misogyny.
#'set up diy networks to pass around hormones!' brenda i could go to jail for 14 years. I'm not fucking joking#transandrophobia#transphobia#trans issues
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HAPPY PROSHOT RELEASE TO NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE!!! thanks to this musical i was able to discover starkid and the hatchetfield universe which iâm so in love with now, itÂŽs been a while since iâve been this enamored with a musical and i love all these characters (WHICH I STILL HAVE SOME MISSING !) anyways watch it itâs so good
#npmd#npmd fanart#npmdish#starkid npmd#max jagerman#nerdy prudes must die#grace chasity#ruth fleming#brenda npmd#kyle clauger#stephanie lauter#stacy npmd#richie lipschitz#peter spankoffski#solomon lauter#detective shapiro#jason jepson#mariscos ishi#procreate#starkid fanart#I LOVE THEM#ALSO SOMEONE PLS CATCH THE TINY LOB REFERENCE
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As Brave As You Are (Newt x Reader) - A Maze Runner Story
As Brave As You Are (Newt x Reader) Reader Insert: she/her pronouns Word Count: 12,051 Warnings: death, bloody wounds, fighting, mental and physical torture, guns, suicidal thoughts and actions Spoilers: no spoilers because the books and films came out ages ago
After helping Newt recover from his ankle injury, Y/N and Newt formed an unbreakable bond that always had them looking out for each other. When they escaped the Maze, then navigated the Scorch, they always had each otherâs back. It isnât until Y/N is captured alongside Minho by WCKD and Newt contracts the Flare that he realises how he truly feels about Y/N.
Problem is, will he rescue her in time to tell her?
Note: I'm back in my dystopian future era thanks to the new Hunger Games film so of course I had to write for my original YA crush. This piece is based on the movie series mainly. Don't get mad at me, I love the books more, but I can appreciate the storylines that came out of the path they took with the films. And if there is one thing the TMR fandom can agree on, it is that the film cast was the best cast ever for the series. So enjoy - not sorry that it's horrendously long, Newt deserves it xx
âMedjack! Medjack, now!â
Y/N recognised it was Minho was calling for help. Clint and Jeff ran out of the med hut to see what all the commotion was. It wasnât long before they were hurrying back inside, carrying Newt of all people between them, Minho and Alby in tow.
âClear the table,â Clint ordered, and Y/N quickly followed through, practically throwing off containers, bowls and medical instruments to get Newt on there as quick as possible. Once Newt was up, Y/N finally noticed the unnatural twist in his ankle and it almost sent Frypanâs sloppy sweet potato soup right back up.Â
She was still pretty new to her job as a Medjack, being the greenie and all. She was the only girl in the Glade of the current twelve residents, so she was intimidated at first as to what role she could play in the place. Medjack seemed the most suitable, and she seemed to have a knack for it, having stitched up some eyebrows and cleaned up knee scrapes with ease and precision.Â
But even though sheâd seen blood, dealt with displaced bones and joints, she still got queasy doing her job. It didnât help that Newt was hissing through clenched teeth from the intense pain, an occasional sob passing through.
âWhat happened?â Y/N asked.
âI donât know,â Minho said. âWe split up for only five minutes. I thought we could cover more ground that way. And weâve run that part of the Maze like a hundred times already. I thought weâd be fineâŠâ
Clint held Newt down as Jeff and Y/N took a look at Newtâs ankle. Jeff only pressed gently with his fingers around the bone, but Newtâs responding howls confirmed the severity of the injury.
âThe bone is completely shattered,â Jeff said grimly. âWeâre going to need to reset his foot first though. Y/N?â
âOn it.â She rushed to a shelf that held bandages, then to a cupboard with flat boards about shin length. She grabbed two of those before heading back to the table.
âYouâre going to have to hold him down,â Y/N directed at Alby and Minho, gesturing to follow Clintâs efforts. Then she turned to Newt, whose face was slicked with tears and sweat as he continued to writhe in pain. âNewt. Newt, can you open your eyes for me? I need you to focus on me.â
To his credit, Newt opened his eyes and he didnât look away from her.Â
âGood. Good, Newt,â she said. âNow, we have to realign your foot. Itâs going to hurt a lot. Weâll go on three, okay?â
In the short time Y/N had known Newt â which arguably was no time at all, as he ran every day and she was in the Medjack hut all day. They didnât interact unless he or another runner got hurt, or at dinner if only to say hello. Even so, she had come to know he liked it plain and straight, no bullshit. So, despite his pain, he took two deep, calming breaths and gave her a nod to say he was ready for what they had to do.
Y/N nodded back, then looked to the others, who had their hands braced on all Newtâs limbs. âReady?â she asked, to which they nodded in reply. Y/N gently held Newtâs ankle, eliciting a quiet whimper from the boy. âOkay, on three. One, twoâŠâ She cut herself off as she slammed her hands either side the ankle bone, causing a loud cracking sound as the ankle snapped back into place.Â
Newtâs wail of pain mustâve been heard from across the whole Glade it was so loud. He writhed and pulled to sit up, but the boys held him down as Y/N and Jeff bandaged the two splints either side of Newtâs ankle. Jeff then dabbed a small dose of chloroform in a cloth and pressed it to Newtâs nose. Soon enough, the boy was unconscious, finally pain-free.
âYou guys go have dinner,â Y/N said to Clint and Jeff a little while later as they were cleaning up the hut. Alby and Minho had left soon after Newt fell asleep, but it was almost dinner time now. âIâll stay with Newt tonight.â
âYou sure?â Clint asked. âWe can do shifts if youâd prefer.â
Y/N shook her head. âI insist. You guys rest up. I can do this. Consider this my final test to becoming a fully-fledged Medjack.â
Jeff chuckled. âYou have much more to learn, Greenie, but suit yourself.â
âWeâll bring you back some food, Y/N,â Clint said as he and Jeff left the hut, leaving Y/N to idly clean up.
Newt woke up from a dull throbbing in his ankle, which turned into a harsh pain, causing him to sit up in alarm.Â
âHey, itâs okay, itâs okay,â a voice gently said as equally gentle hands pushed him back down.
âMy ankle,â he said, voice hoarse and dry. âIt hurtsâŠâ
The face of the voice finally came into view: it was the Greenie. Y/N offered him a small smile as he finally recognised her. In one hand, she held a needle with clear serum. Her other she offered to his leg. âMay I? Itâll help, I promise.â
He hesitated for a moment, but the intense pain in his ankle broke his composure as he eagerly nodded. The painkiller worked immediately, and Newt sighed with relief as the throbbing eased significantly.
âThere,â Y/N said, wiping the needle. âThat should help for a bit. Sadly, we donât have much left for me to give you more than once a day, but Iâm hoping you wonât need it beyond the end of the month.â
Confusion clouded Newtâs mind as he tried to process her words. âWhat⊠What happened?â But he answered his own question as images of the Maze flashed through his mind, and he remembered it all. How he bid farewell to Minho. How he climbed as high as he could along the Maze walls. How easy it was to let go.Â
Then the pain fully encompassed him, and then it was just a blur. How Minho found him. How Clint and Jeff laid him on the table he realised he was still on. How angry and embarrassed he felt having his friends see him broken and miserable.Â
Newt managed to pull himself into a sitting position, propping a pillow behind him to cushion the hut wall. âHow bad is it?â he asked glumly, eyes unable to lift from his injury.
He couldnât be bothered with pleasantries. He was too tired, and, frankly, saw no point in keeping up appearances anymore.Â
To her credit, Y/N seemed to pick up on his mood, saying, âIt will heal to a point youâll be able to walk again. But it wonât ever heal properly.â
âYou mean Iâll have a limp?â
âPotentially.â
âSo I canât be a Runner anymore?â Y/N didnât reply, finally drawing Newtâs attention away from the source of his pain and to her.Â
Newt had only interacted with Y/N on a few occasions. Mainly at mealtimes or the odd occasion he passed her by on the way back from a run, only talking as much as greeting and farewelling one another. As the only girl so far, of course he found her intriguing, but he never had time nor a reason to get to know her.
And while heâd come to think of her as the quiet and gentle Medjack in comparison to Clint and Jeff, he didnât see an ounce of pity on her face as she looked at him. Only quiet contemplation, as if there could be any other answer but no to his question.
âI guess thatâs up to you and Alby,â she finally said. âI mean, I know what I should say is no. Iâm sure Clint and Jeff will say no. But itâll more so come down to if you want to go back in or not.â Her eyes flickered to his ankle, sadness glazing her eyes briefly before returning to him. âBut I think I can take a guess as to what your answer will be.â
Newtâs gut twisted with guilt and shame that sheâd figured it out, and his face flushed with embarrassment and anger. âSo, you going to tell everyone?â he asked, words thick  with hopelessness. âI mean, thatâs your job, right? Diagnose me, then tell Alby, then the whole glade how pathetic I am?â
Y/N shook her head. âI think you give me too much credit. Iâm not an actual doctor, you know,â she said, coming to stand beside him. She inspected his ankle for a moment, then turned her gaze to him, and it shocked him to see such intensity in her eyes. It was as if suddenly he was the most interesting person in the world.
âI can say it was a running accident,â she finally concluded. âYou can tell your truth when youâre ready. Itâs not my place to take away hope when the others are so full of it right now. That includes me.â
He stared, stunned, as she packed up the last of her things by a spare medical cot at the other end of the hut. It wasnât until she let out a loud yawn that Newt noticed it was dark outside. The silence of the Glade told him everyone else had gone to bed so it was late. Or early, he couldnât really tell.
Y/N fluffed a sad excuse of a pillow and put it on the cot. âNow that I know youâre alive, are you going to be okay if I get a few minutes shut eye? I can stay up if youâd like.â
Now that the initial shock and embarrassment of the dayâs events had subsided, Newt realised how exhausted he was still. âNo, thatâs okay,â he said. âI think I should rest a bit more anyway.â
Y/N nodded and swung her legs up to lie down fully. Newt went to slide himself and his pillow back down to do the same when Y/N spoke again.
âAnd Newt?â she said, her voice soft and almost hesitant.
âYeah?â he called back.
She was silent for so long Newt thought sheâd gone to sleep. But then she spoke. âFor the record, I donât think youâre pathetic. For wanting it all to end, that is. I actually think what you did was really brave. You might be scared and maybe out of hope, but at least you did something about it. The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as you.â
Newtâs breath caught in his chest as it swelled with a mix of emotions. Brave? What he did was the act of a coward. Tears streamed silently down his face, both from a deep shame, but also a warmth he hadnât felt in a long time.
The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as youâŠ
Newt had lost all hope after a year of searching for a way out and finding nothing. But she didnât know that, and neither will the next Greenie, or the Greenie after that. Even some of the boys already in the Glade didnât know that. Thatâs why they waited every day for the runners â for him â to come back with news, with a shred of hope that theyâd get out of there soon.Â
Newt twisted himself so he could see Y/N, who was rolled away from him, her body rising and falling with the rhythm of sleep. Even if he thought it would all be hopeless in the end, some truly believed they would get out of here.
And maybe that was something worth fighting for.
~
Two years on and Newt and Y/N had managed to forge something akin to a friendship.Â
Y/N had kept her word and said Newt had had a running accident, and heâd agreed with her for the sake of his worried friends. Y/N had also been right about his ankle; it healed to point where he could walk and do a decent jog with a limp. But he would never run again.Â
He was transferred to work as a Track-Hoe in the gardens with Zart. But it wasnât all bad. As more boys arrived â never any girls much to their confusion â Newt developed a knack for leading others, for diffusing hard situations, and for wrangling the boys into line. Because of that, he was promoted to Albyâs second-in-command, which gave him more meaningful work to do than just the gardens â stuff that might actually get him and the other Gladers out of the bloody Maze.Â
It also meant he had more time to talk to Y/N. He would make sure to drop by once a day (and not just at mealtimes) to check in on her. For a time, he convinced himself he did that because it was his job as second-in-command to keep up group morale, and he would visit everyone in the Glade. Eventually, however, he realised it was because he genuinely enjoyed her company.
Since that night, Y/N had come out of her shell more. Still a little shy and apprehensive at times, but she would openly joke and play along with the boysâ antics. She was more confident in her work as a Medjack too, not afraid to boss Clint and Jeff around if she needed something from them.
Newtâs visits became longer, as they talked about any and all things. Aside from Alby and Minho, Newt considered Y/N one of his closest friends. And she mustâve felt the same â or at least in a similar fashion â as she entertained his thoughts about life beyond the Maze, and the rants he would go on thanks to whichever stupid shank put the fertiliser in the wrong place.
It was a friendship built on mutual respect and genuine care for one another, something that helped Newt convince Y/N to come with him and the others when they finally decided to leave the Maze. But he couldnât help but feel a deep dread and guilt as he waited behind Thomas, knowing that Grievers were right around the corner.
While the others caught up, Newt turned to Y/N â whoâd been helping him through the Maze with his limp â and offered her a spare spear heâd been carrying.
Her eyes widened at his offering. âI canât take that. I canât fight.â
âWell, you canât just go in there without something to protect yourself,â he said, this time forcibly handing the spear over. Y/N clutched the spear awkwardly, and Newt saw the uncertainty in her eyes, in her trembling hands.
Newt felt bad for making her hold such a violent weapon. All her hands had ever done were help people, save them at times. Now he was asking her to kill. It was for the greater good they both knew, but to kill, nonetheless.
Newt placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and locked eyes with her. âHey,â he said softly, âyou stay with me the whole time, do you understand? I promise you wonât have to use that unless absolute necessary.â
Y/N bit her lip to stop it trembling too, but she nodded, steeling herself in preparation for the fight ahead. Newt reciprocated the action and gave her shoulder a final squeeze before turning to face Thomas as he explained the plan.
They fought the Grievers, taking down a few while some of them took down Gladers. The Gladers were backed against the door that Teresa and Chuck were trying to open with a code. Minho shouted numbers at them as he, Newt, and the others fended off one last Griever.
Before he could finish, Minho was caught by a Griever, and Clint ran out to save him. But the Grieverâs tail caught him, sending him over the edge of the walkway they fought on with one flick.
âClint!â
Before Newt could stop her, Y/N rushed out from behind him, spear drawn back and flying at the Griever in seconds. Not being a fighter to begin with, let alone a good one, the spear bounced off its metal leg without much effect. It did, however, alert the Griever to her presence, turning all its attention to her. Minho leapt to his feet, finally free, and ran back to the group. âY/N!â he cried as he ran. âRun!â
Y/N seemed to finally realise her situation, looking up at the Griever frozen with fear. The horrible creature raised its claw to end her, but Newt moved faster.Â
He ran as fast as he could, limp be damned, past Y/N and threw his spear at the Grieverâs head. It landed true, puncturing one of the creatureâs bulbous eyes, drawing a painful screech from it. Newt didnât wait to see what it would do next, as he grabbed one of Y/Nâs arms and Minho grabbed the other and ran back to the group, practically throwing her behind the front line and against the door.Â
Teresa finally got the door open and the Gladers tumbled in, Thomas throwing one last spear down the Grieverâs throat as the doors closed.Â
Lights flickered on to show they were in some empty room with a door on the wall behind them leading to a corridor.
Thomas looked at the group, taking heavy breaths. âEveryone okay?â
âWhatâs left of us, that is,â Winston said, his tone sad and regretful.Â
As Newt eyed the group, he noted how many theyâd lost, how little their group seemed all of a sudden.Â
Minho stepped ahead with Thomas, pointing towards the door. âWell? Itâs not going to open itself.â
As Minho and Thomas led the group to the exit, Newt turned to Y/N, whose eyes had a distant look glazed over them. âWhat were you thinking?â he asked, bringing her attention to him. âI told you to stay behind me. You couldâve been killed.â
âI-I know. Iâm sorry,â she stuttered out, tears teetering in her E/C eyes. âI just⊠Clint⊠It all happened so fast, and I was just kind of moving before I knew what I was doing.â She looked down at her hands then, and Newt noticed a slight tremble to them. âI thought I could help, but I was too slow. And I put you guys in danger too. Iâm just⊠Iâm sorry.â
Newtâs guilt came back full force then. He placed a gentle hand over her trembling one, grasping her fingers to stop their shaking. When she looked up at him confused, he just said, âIâm sorry. I shouldnât have pressured you into thinking you had to fight. You wonât ever hold a weapon like that again. I promise.â
Y/N opened her mouth to object no doubt, but Newt cut her off. âBut you have to promise me something back. Promise me that youâll let us protect you. You can help by keeping us alive, just like you always have. But youâve got to listen to me, you got it?â
He used his authoritative voice this time, and it seemed to work as Y/N calmed down, her unshed tears now gone.
âOkay,â she said, quiet but strong. âI promise.â
Newt nodded. âGood that.â He turned to see the others leaving through the door then turned back to Y/N. âDo you think weâd be lucky enough not to face anything else beyond those doors.â
âI think we should consider ourselves lucky for getting this far.â To her credit, Y/N managed a small smile as she looked up at him. âBut why should our luck run out now?â
There it was again; the glimmer of hope Newt had felt from her since the night he injured his ankle. Newt couldnât deny that theyâd made it this far â by design or by luck, theyâd made it.Â
And who was he to deny that things might be on the look up for them now?
Together, Y/N and Newt followed the rest of the Gladers to meet their makers.
~
âI never thought Iâd say this⊠but I miss the Glade.â
The group around the fire grew silent at the implication Frypanâs words had, the memories they conjured up. Y/N couldnât help but agree as she looked into the dark sky above her, peaking from behind the crumbling pillars they took refuge under.Â
The sky was always so clear back in the Glade, she recalled silently. But, just like their current situation, the sky was now obscured.Â
The people who rescued them from the Maze were actually WCKD â the people whoâd put them in the Maze in the first place. The past twelve hours had seen herself, Newt, Thomas, Minho, Frypan, Winston, and a boy named Aris find Teresa, break out of the facility, and enter the deadly Scorch. In their search for supplies, theyâd been attacked by crazed, infected people, driving the group to hide where they were.
The Maze was dangerous, but it was familiar and the only home Y/N recalled ever having. Out in the Scorch, safety wasnât guaranteed.Â
She looked to Winston, who laid back, his shirt pulled up to expose the bloody bandage sheâd wrapped his torso in. Y/N tried not to think about the infected scratch marks underneath, and more specifically what gave them to him. The Grievers were one thing, but the things that attacked them? They used to be people.
Not wanting to sit in her thoughts anymore, Y/N stood up, brushed off her pants, and grabbed knife from their pile of weapons theyâd found in the abandoned mall. âIâll take first watch.âÂ
She didnât wait to hear if anyone objected, already walking around the stone that covered them so she was on top. To her relief, the others let her go without argument, putting out the fire and quickly settling down to sleep.
After half an hour, Y/N decided to get up and patrol around the area, knife tightly gripped in her hand and her footsteps quiet despite the sand.Â
There was so much of it,  the sand. The lady in white â Doctor Ava Paige â had said in her video that the whole world was just desert now. The thought made Y/N yearn for the Glade even more. For the grass, and the woods, and the bonfires they used to have, and the games they played. The boys â Clint, Jeff, Alby, Gally, Chuck.Â
Y/N wasnât a hateful person, but she clutched the knife tighter at the thought of all the loss theyâd all suffered at the hands of WCKD.Â
Itâs why she didnât hesitate to follow Newt when heâd found her in her room â for some reason, she hadnât been allowed to stay with the other girls from the other mazes just yet. Itâs why they were now braving the Scorch searching for people that Thomas didnât know even existed. They wanted a better life out from under WCKDâs thumb.
The crunch of sand had her whirling around, awkwardly poising the knife as if to attack, but she relaxed at the familiar person standing there.
Newt raised his hands in mock surrender. âWhoa there,â he said, the quirk of a smile on his lips telling her he was just joking. âYou could do some real damage if youâre not careful.â
Y/N blew out in relief, the knife dropping to her side again. âThanks, but we both know thatâs not the case, Newt.â
Newt shoved his hands in his jacket pocket, shrugging his shoulders as he did. âI donât know, Iâve seen you with a scalpel. Absolutely terrifyingly precise with that thing.â
Y/N chuckled softly, appreciative of the distraction. But her smile dropped as she looked out into the dark cityscape. The moon hid behind clouds so Y/N couldnât make out anything. âIs it pathetic that Iâm scared to see what the world has become?â she asked, not daring to raise her voice above a soft mumble.
Newt stepped up beside her, his body radiating the last remnants of heat from the fire and it warmed her slightly. âSomeone once told me that I was brave for facing my fear,â he said after some quiet contemplation.Â
Y/N looked up at him confused, but he looked down at her with a knowing, smug smile. Much to her chagrin, she couldnât help but chuckle and shake her head at him. âI donât recall saying that specifically. But if thatâs how you saw it, who am I to tell you that wasnât what I meant?â
Newt hummed in agreement looking back out at the dark expanse, contemplation scrunching his brows together. âIâll be honest with you, Iâm scared too.â
That surprised Y/N. Newt, second-in-command, casual, leader Newt was scared? âYou are?â
Newt nodded. âIâm scared that weâve made a mistake. That Thomas is wrong and there arenât any mountain people.â He turned back to Y/N, the most serious sheâd ever seen him. âIâm scared weâre going to lose more of us, and then what was our escape for? But⊠itâs not my place to take away hope when the others are so full of it. Including myself.â Finally, Newtâs smile returned, and it warmed that cold pit of despair Y/N had been falling into ever since they left the WCKD facility. âOr, at least, I think thatâs what someone very wise once told me.â
Y/N stared at him, awestruck. Hopeful. Newt was hopeful again. And she didnât want to read into it, but she thought the knowing smile he was giving her told her that she had something to do with it. The thought alone strengthened her resolve, and she looked down at the knife in her hands, less afraid of it all of a sudden.
Y/N held it out to Newt. âTeach me.â
He raised an eyebrow in a silent question. âWhat?â
âTeach me. How to fight,â Y/N explained, eyes unwavering from his.Â
Concern flashed across Newtâs face for a brief moment. âY/N, I told you, you donât have to fight if you donât want to.â
âIf there is one thing Iâve come to know about WCKD is that it doesnât actually matter what I want anymore. What any of us want,â Y/N said, feeling the most certain sheâs felt in a long time. âThe one thing we have on WCKD is that we are defiant. We escaped, and are taking away the one thing they want most of all: a chance to find a cure. So, if weâre going to have any hopes of making it to the mountains alive, Iâm going to have to know how to fight. So please â teach me.â
Newt contemplated her for a moment, and Y/N just prayed he wouldnât say no. Or even worse, laugh. Instead of doing either, he took the knife from Y/Nâs hand, his fingers brushing across her palm as he did.Â
âAll right,â he said, moving his feet apart to get into a fighting stance. âFirst of all, youâve got to have a wide-ish stance, and stay light on your toes so you can control when you back away from your opponent.âÂ
He demonstrated the movement by quickly shuffling away, always keeping his feet a certain distance apart and the knife gripped tight by his hip. ââŠand when you go into attack.â He moved so fast Y/N didnât see his footwork, her eyes locked on his as they bored into hers, knife poised at her neck as if heâd strike.
He stepped away and gave her the knife back. âYou think you can do that?â
Y/N nodded and took the knife, and for the next hour Newt taught Y/N basic blocks and manoeuvres that heâd picked up from Thomas and Minho and just from basic instinct. Just like sheâd been with her Medjack skills, Y/N was a quick study, performing move after move when Newt asked her to.Â
She impressed herself. For a natural pacifist, she wielded the knife quite fluently.
They decided to finish the session on a quick sparring match. Newt took a swipe at Y/N, and she stepped back just like Newt had taught her. She then rushed in for an attack, to which Newt threw up his own knife in time to block. Y/N anticipated the pushback and twisted out of Newtâs way as he stumbled slightly forward. While he was disorientated, Y/N gripped his wrist that controlled his knife and pointed her own into his back.Â
âLooks like I win,â she said, breathless but proud.
Y/N didnât like the carefree scoff he gave her, followed by, âAre you sure?â
She doubted herself for a moment, loosening her grip enough for him to twist out of her reach, knock her knife away and bend to sweep her legs out from underneath her. Y/N landed hard, groaning at the pain in her butt as Newt looked down at her and laughed.Â
âIâm glad you find my pain amusing, Newt,â she grumbled, rubbing her sore behind.
Newt laughed for a moment longer then calmed down. But his radiant smile remained on his face, brightening the darkness surrounding them. âIâm sorry, love,â he said between remaining chuckles. To his credit, he held out his hand in an offer to help her up. âBut the surprise on your face was priceless.â
Y/N contemplated his hand for a moment, whether she should just push it away or take it. Instead, an idea came to mind, and she gripped his hand tightly then pulled him to the ground with her. He landed on his stomach beside her, getting a face full of sand.
Y/N let out a loud laugh before quickly covering her mouth to stifle the relentless laughter that wished to burst from her.Â
Newt spat and coughed out sand as he made to sit up. âWell,â he started, spitting out more sand as he looked up at Y/N, âI shouldâve seen that coming.â
That just made Y/N laugh even harder, using now both hands to quieten the giggles. Goodness, when was the last time sheâd laughed this freely? When was the last time sheâd felt such joy? After everything theyâd been through, Y/N was worried sheâd forgotten what was like to laugh.
When sheâd calmed down, she looked down to see Newt propped up on his arms looking up at her with an odd expression on his face. Like he was in awe, maybe. Whatever it was, it made Y/N acknowledge how handsome Newt had become. His baby features had faded since sheâd first met him, being replaced by a lean figure and a toned jawline from working in the gardens every day for two years. And with his big brown eyes, tousled blond hair and funny accent, Y/N wondered how he had changed so much without her realising it. How she hadnât realised heâd grown up.
The intensity with which he looked at her brought a heated blush to her face, and so she turned away into the cool night breeze, willing the blush to cool down. Newt shuffled to sit up next to her. They didnât speak for a minute, until Newt suddenly stood up.Â
âWell, um,â he started, and for the first time since Y/N had known him, he sounded uncertain about what to say. âI better let you continue with your shift. At least you know how to defend yourself now.â
Y/N hastily stood up as well, making sure there was at least a step between them. âYes!â she said. âThank you for that. Iâll be sure to practice.â
âGood that.âÂ
They looked at each other for a moment, and even though Newt said he was leaving, he made no move to leave. Maybe he doesnât want to, she thought, and the mere possibility of that being true warmed her heart.
But he took a step away, gave her a shy smile and a small wave farewell. âGoodnight, Y/N.â
âGoodnight Newt,â she said, those two words hanging in the air long after heâd left.
As she finally woke Frypan up for his shift, she clung to the knife and went through all the manoeuvres Newt had taught her until she fell asleep.Â
Newt was unable to sleep until Y/N woke Frypan up to take the next watch shift, and laid down to sleep herself. Newt opened his eyes to see Y/N laying across the pit theyâd dug out for the fire. She faced him on her side, and Newt noticed with curiosity that she held the knife sheâd practiced with close to her chest. Her chest rose and fell rhythmically, and paired with her heavy breathing, Newt figured she was completely asleep.Â
An odd sensation fluttered in his chest and stomach as Newt considered Y/Nâs sleeping face. It was the same feeling that had fizzled in his chest when heâd looked up at her as she laughed. He couldnât remember the last time any of them had laughed as freely as she had.Â
And he couldnât help but admire how beautiful she looked doing so â hiding her bright smile behind trembling hands, eyes narrowed but sparkling with joy.Â
All because of him.
He rolled onto his back then, not wanting to give the thought anymore weight. Thereâs no point getting your hopes up, he reminded himself. But like a moth drawn to flame, Newt couldnât help but tilt his head to gaze upon her peacefully sleeping. An ache carved itself deep in his heart. How had he not realised her growing up, changing? Being the only girl for a long time, of course he and the others found her pretty. But now that he looked at her â really looked at her, and wasnât concerned with his life for just a split second â he realised just how beautiful she was.Â
It was in her features, but also in her determination to be better for the group. It both hurt and impressed him when she asked for his help. He promised her she would never have to fight again, but things have changed drastically since the Maze.
It was in her ability to still find the joy in things, to still be able to laugh despite their situation.
It was how she believed in Thomas, in Aris, in the mountain people, even if she was scared.Â
âThe rest of us can only wish to be as brave as you,â he whispered into the night, a silent promise that heâd tell her that sometime.Â
And with the fluttering in his chest finally easing into a calm warmth, he finally fell asleep.
~
Everything exploded with chaos as Y/N, Newt, Thomas, and Minho navigated their way through the Right Arm camp as guns fired and explosions went off.Â
Teresa had betrayed them. Y/N couldnât believe it when it was revealed in front of everyone, and she still couldnât believe it as Minho pushed her head down, sheltering her from another explosion. Teresa truly believed WCKD could find a cure, but still at the expanse of Y/N and her friendsâ pain. And just when Thomas was going to blow them all sky high, Jorge and Brenda had come in like a saving grace, and thatâs when all hell broke loose.
âThis way!â Thomas yelled over the din, beckoning them behind a weapons container.
However, Minho stopped suddenly and picked up a launcher. Keep going!â Minho called over his shoulder as he shot at WCKD soldiers around him. âIâm right behind you!â
Thomas and Newt reached the container, but Y/N stopped and turned at the sound of a painful cry. âMinho!â she cried as her friend fell, his body convulsing from a launcher shot.Â
âY/N, no!â Newt called after her, but she was already running back to Minho, grabbing at his jacket to drag him to safety.Â
But Y/N was not strong like the boys, and certainly not strong enough to move Minho in any hurry. She looked up just in time to see a launcher fire at her, then her body felt like it was on fire.Â
She was sure she was screaming, but she couldnât hear anything as the electricity struck every nerve with a vicious bite. After what felt like an eternity of pain, she was granted a moment of peace as her vision went white, then in a flash was swamped by darkness.
Newtâs heart stopped when he saw Y/N shot. She convulsed as Minho had, then collapsed beside their friend unconscious. The second Y/N hit the ground, Newt found his voice again, feelings of anger and desperation clawing their way through every vein in him.
âY/N, no!â His cry came out broken as he made to run to her, but a strong hand gripped the back of his jacket and pulled him back.Â
âNo, boys,â Vince shouted over the din, holding both Newt and Thomas back.Â
âLet me go!â Newt protested, struggling against Vince, eyes darting between him and Y/N. âI need to help her! Y/N!â
But WCKD soldiers were already picking up Y/N and Minhoâs unconscious bodies, dragging their feet through the red dirt and into a berg.
âIâm sorry, son,â Vince said, and Newt thought he sounded genuine. But that didnât stop icy terror gripping tight on his heart as the doors began to close on Y/N, Minho, and other immunes from the Right Arm.
Thomas called for Minho, and Newt called for Y/N, but neither could do anything to help their friends as they were flown away. Back in WCKDâs clutches once again.
When the sun rose, the remaining survivors came out of hiding and began scrounging up supplies. They were moving on, Vince claiming there was nothing they could do but keep going with who and what they had left.
Newt couldnât accept that, and neither could Thomas apparently, as he claimed he was going after Minho, Y/N and the others. Without hesitation or any further explanation, Newt was the first to sign up and join him.
And so, they went on a quest to rescuing Minho, Y/N, and as many immunes as possible. The train hijack was a huge success with immune numbers, but no Minho and no Y/N. Even so, Newt refused to accept that heâd never see either of them again. Even when they almost got killed by cranks. Even when he, Thomas, Brenda, Frypan, and Jorge were almost blown up by turret guns.
Even when he found out he was infected with the Flare.
He could feel it, his mind slowly slipping away as the Flare ate away at his sanity. He was usually level-headed and rational â itâs part of the reason he became second-in-command in the first place. Guilt and shame ate away at him as he sat on the rooftop of their hideout in the outskirts of the Last City, explaining to Thomas why he just bit his head off about being in love with Teresa.
Not that Iâm one to talk, he thought as he rolled down as his sleeve, silence wrapping around him and Thomas comfortably. Newt could feel Thomas didnât know what to say, and Newt didnât like long silences so he broke it.
âThe crazy thing, though isâŠâ Newt started, a soft but sad scoff escaping him, âIâm not scared of dying. I used to be, back in the Maze. Because it felt like my friends were dying for no reason, without purpose. ButâŠâ Newt looked over his shoulder, past Thomas, and to the peaking spires of the Last City. To where Y/N was being held somewhere.
âI have something to die for now,â Newt said, eyes never wavering from the spires.
Thomas came to sit beside Newt, a sad realisation drawing his brows and lips down. âYouâre not just talking about Minho, are you?â he asked.
It was how gentle and matter-of-fact Thomas spoke that had Newtâs chest tightening with fear and an immense pressure heâd been scared, until now, to acknowledge. His throat threatened to close on him as he spoke, rendering his words tight and uncontrolled. âI failed to protect her, Tommy,â he managed to get out. âI promised Iâd always protect her, and I didnât.âÂ
It surprised Newt how simultaneously hard and easy it was to speak about his feelings, and now that he had started, the words just flowed.Â
âSheâs just always been there, so I never saw it coming,â Newt continued, a melancholic smile adorning his lips as he recalls the day he met you, how you helped him with his ankle. How, since then, youâve always been by his side, growing with him, changing with him, supporting him and everyone else around you.Â
âSaw what?â Thomas asked.
âI never saw that I could have a future after the Maze, after all of this,â Newt explained. âThat I would want a future⊠with Y/N.â And with that, his tears finally spilled over, the pressure in his chest bursting into sobs that wracked his whole body. Newt was vaguely aware that Thomas was now holding him, and so he wrapped his arms tight around his friend, around his brother.
âI love her, Tommy,â Newt whispered over Thomasâ shoulder, his words obscured somewhat by his tears and holding back sobs. âAnd Iâm scared Iâll never be able to tell her before I go.â
âHey,â Thomas said, pushing Newt to armâs length. He kept one hand on Newtâs shoulder and used his other to grip Newtâs neck, forcing their eyes to lock. âWeâre going to find her â and Minho, and the other immunes. Weâre going to get you that serum that helps with the Flare â as much of it as possible â and youâre going to tell her. Youâre not dying. No one is dying. You hear me?â
No one could replace Alby, but the way Thomas was taking control of the situation reminded Newt of his old friend. How kind yet stern he could be. How hopeful yet pragmatic he was. It was something familiar that Newt was thankful for. He quickly calmed down, wiped away his tears and nodded at Thomas.
âGood that,â Thomas said, a small proud smile gracing his lips at his use of Newtâs common phrase.Â
Newt couldnât help a chuckle as well. âGood that, indeed,â he agreed, and followed Thomas back inside the hideout to finalise their plan to get into the WCKD facility.
âŠand youâre going to tell her. Youâre not dying.Â
There was a nagging voice in the back of Newtâs head that was telling him not to believe Thomas. That Newt was going to die, or worse, turn into a crank and hurt his loved ones. That voice had followed him from the Maze, to the Scorch, and now the Last City. It was the voice that had driven him over the edge of the Maze walls all those years ago. But not anymore.
Newt had to keep hope, just as Y/N had taught him. He just had to be brave.
~
Y/N sat in the corner of her white-walled cell, hugging her knees to her chest as she rested her head on top. Sheâd sat there for hours, perhaps days. Y/N lost track of time after her first month in WCKDâs facility.Â
There were no windows, and the lights never dimmed. She pressed her eyes into her knees in the hopes of downing out the incessant white light. Her eyes ached with sleep deprivation, but she refused to sleep. The nightmares were much worse to deal with, and they always came whenever she closed her eyes.
Images of her friends dying in the Maze and the Scorch, of Grievers chasing her, of her friends turning into cranks and attacking her. Images fed to her by WCKD.Â
She knew they werenât real, but she could never wake herself up in time to escape them. So, she stayed awake, knowing that sheâll have no choice but to face her nightmares when the doctors and scientists come to test on her again.
Y/N shivered at the thought of seeing another needle, of seeing her blood drained from her while WCKD turned her mind against her. When will it be enough? She mightâve lost track of time, but Y/N knew sheâd been in the facility for a while now. If they hadnât found anything by now, something told Y/N that nothing she gave would ever be enough. That included her life.
She knew Thomas and Newt would be dumb enough to come after her and Minho â thatâs just the kind of people they were. Her heart ached at the thought that their efforts would be in vain.Â
Y/N hadnât seen Minho since they arrived, having been separated from each other and the other immunes. Something about how they were the most promising subjects, she overheard from a scientist one time. Y/N didnât know if Minho was alive, and if he was, what condition he was in.Â
But Minho was strong, the strongest of all the Gladers in Y/Nâs opinion. If he was being tortured like her, he would be able to hold on. Y/N highly doubted she would last much longer.
The rest of us can only hope to be as brave as youâŠ
Y/N wasnât sure if Newt knew she was actually awake that first night in the Scorch, but sheâd heard him, his words so soft she thought sheâd dreamt it at first. But it had been real; Newt thought she was brave.
She was too dehydrated to produce tears, but an ugly sob desperately tried to escape her aching chest. She bit her lips instead, hard enough to draw a little blood, and the sob died out, leaving her body quiet except for her mind.
Iâm sorry Newt, but I am not brave.
Even so, Y/N refused to crumble to WCKD anymore. Theyâd taken everything from her. Her life, her memories, her loved ones, her friends. Even her hope â something she so naively believed no one could take from her. They would not take her dignity.
She raised her head at the sound of her cell door unlocking, blinking a few times as bright light flooded her vision once more. Two WCKD soldiers and two scientists stood by the door, and Y/N spied a gurney just behind them.Â
One of the scientists â young male, maybe in his early twenties â stepped forward. âTime for more testing, Y/N,â he said in a cold tone. But he had the sense to look sympathetic as his eyes roamed over Y/N as she stood up, showing how pale her S/C skin had become, how dark the circles beneath her eyes were, how the cargo pants and grey t-shirt hung off her in areas where she used to fill.
Y/N knew it was useless, but still she ran for the door, pushing past the scientists with ease despite her weakened state. However, she hit the soldiers like a brick wall, unable to fight against them as they restrained her arms and pressed her against the wall. The male scientist recovered quickly and injected her with a serum that made her drowsy enough that she wasnât in control of her body. She was conscious as the soldiers strapped her to the gurney and the four of them wheeled her down corridor after corridor, and all she could do was watch fluorescent lights pass her by as she stared at the ceiling.Â
Soon enough, she was in a familiar room: the test lab.Â
âIt hasnât been that long since we last tested her,â the other scientist â a female, about the same age as her co-worker â said, her words laced with worry. âWe put her under again, we risk losing her for good this time.â
âI didnât make the call,â the male said as he continued to set up equipment around Y/N. âWhen Janson says he wants a cure, I donât question him. Do you?â
The female didnât answer, switching her focus to helping her co-worker. Y/N could slowly feel the serum wearing off â it was obviously only a light dose, the scientists knowing theyâd put her under when they began testing.Â
But just as they unstrapped her to move her to the nightmare simulator, the room shook, sending Y/N rolling to the ground as glass and steel broke around her.Â
Sounds were muffled briefly and her vision blurred in and out of focus. She couldnât hear what exactly the soldiers were shouting, but she saw them run out of the room alongside other soldiers. That just left her and the scientists.Â
Y/N flexed her fingers, the serum completely wearing off. Before she could stand though, two hands roughly grabbed her arms and hauled her to her feet. âCome on, Y/N,â the male scientist said, pushing her towards the machine. âJust one more trip underâŠâ
Fear electrified Y/Nâs every nerve. No, not again. With a desperate cry, she shoved the male into the utensils table, sending him and the tools scattering across the ground. Before he could get up, Y/N straddled his upper body and slammed his arms into the ground.
âGet off me!â he yelled, struggling violently beneath Y/N. He managed to twist them both around until she was the one pinned to the ground. Y/N struggled but to no avail. She was significantly weaker than she was when she was first captured and he knew that.
âYou little brat,â he spat in her face. âUngrateful, selfish immunes. Your duty is to save us all! Youââ
He was cut off when he suddenly went slack, falling unconscious on top of Y/N. She scrambled out from underneath him, then looked up from the floor to find the female scientist with a syringe in her hand. She looked between her unconscious co-worker then Y/N, a scared and disbelieving expression morphing her delicate features.Â
âGo,â the scientist finally said, her voice shaky, but the resolve in her eyes told Y/N that she wouldnât chase after her. The room â no, the whole building â shook again, and when Y/N looked out the window, she realised why.
The city outside was on fire. Buildings crumbled, and Y/n could hear the screams and cries of civilians through the broken windows. The scientist wouldnât chase her because there was no point.Â
This was the end.
âGo!â The scientist insisted, and Y/N didnât think twice. She picked herself up, ignoring the cuts and scraps of glass it caused her, and ran out of the room.
She ran into the corridor, ignoring the cries of soldiers and other scientists who recognised her as a subject. She didnât know where she was going, but this was the most freedom sheâd had in forever.
Then a thought came to her â Minho. She had to find him, he surely had to be alive. She would run through every floor if she had to to find him. So she ran, looking into every test lab, every storage closest, every break room on the floor.Â
âMinho!â she cried, uncaring at this point if someone heard her. She just wanted to find him. She didnât want to die without a familiar face with her. âMinho, where are you?â
She rounded a corner, right into the chest of a WCKD soldier. He was caught by surprise, giving Y/N an opportunity to slam him into the wall. It was like her fear was giving her a boost of strength, as she kneed him in the groin, sending him to the ground. He dropped the pistol he was holding, and she quickly picked it up and smacked the butt over the back of his head. He fell to the floor in one last scuffle and laid unmoving as Y/N sucked in deep breaths.
âY/N?â
She whirled around at the familiar call of her name, only to find three other people had entered the corridor. Thomas, Minho, and Newt. Her eyes scanned over them all, heart aching with an intense relief it threatened to crush her chest. âGuys?â Her voice was hoarse with disuse and exhaustion. She was surprised she even had a voice after all her screaming.
Newt stepped forward, a relieved smile gracing his lips. âYeah, love,â he said, sounding on the verge of tears. âItâs us.â
Y/Nâs first instinct was to run into his arms, the only place sheâd felt since leaving the Maze. But she took a closer look at him. He was paler than when she last saw him, almost sickly with how dark the circles under his eyes were. Crank.
She pointed the pistol at her friends, causing them to raise their hands in shock. âWhoa, Y/N, itâs us!â Thomas exclaimed.
âNo,â she said, her voice cracking ever so slightly. âHow do I know Iâm not in that simulator again? How do I know this isnât just another test, another trial?â
âWhat are you talking about, Y/N?â Newt asked, worry crinkling his brow.Â
âShe doesnât trust her mind,â Minho said, as if in explanation. âBoy, they really did a number on herâŠâ
âShut up!â Y/N unlocked the safety and pointed the gun at Minho. âYouâre just trying to trick me. Make me think everything is all right. But itâs just a lie. Youâre not here. Youâre not hereâŠâ
Newt stepped into the firing line. âWe are here, love. I promise, weâre really here.â
âNewtâŠâ Thomas warned, but Newt remained, eyes locked on Y/Nâs.
Y/N couldnât look away from Newt. He sounded so genuine, so much more real than previous simulations. But WCKD couldnât be trusted, and they were wearing soldier uniformsâŠ
Her hands shook but her voice was strong. âProve it,â she said. âTell me something only the real Newt would know.â
Newt swallowed thickly. âOkay, um⊠You cut yourself when you tried out being a Slicer and had to have Clint and Jeff fix you up. Thatâs when you thought being a Medjack would be a good idea.â
âWCKD was watching us the whole time. They wouldâve seen that,â she countered, using both hands to grip the gun.Â
âOkay, okay,â Newt said, looking away a moment to think of something else. When he finally looked back at her, he was calm once more, eyes genuine and sincere. âHow about how I jumped off the walls of the Maze in an attempt to kill myself?â
The world around the four of them seemed to freeze, as if the world wasnât collapsing outside. To Y/Nâs knowledge, Newt had never told anyone the truth of what happened that day. It was the shocked and tragic expressions on both Minho and Thomasâ faces respectively that had Y/N loosening her grip on the gun slightly.
Newt took a small step closer, eyes never straying from her. âI had lost all hope of getting out of that bloody maze. So I did the one thing I could do to control the situation. But I failed.â He stepped closer again. âI was embarrassed, ashamed. I was just a coward. But you healed me and told me something I will never forget. I have held onto it like a lifeline through the Maze, through the Scorch, and all the time I was looking for you.â
He took one final step towards her, unfazed at how the gun pressed hard against his chest. Now that he was so close, Y/N saw just how sick he was. He looked like the early stage victims of the Flare theyâd seen in the decrepit city theyâd lost Brenda and Thomas in temporarily. And while Y/N refused to believe Newt â her beloved, sweet Newt â was infected, his eyes were the same as always. Open, honest, and truthful.
âThe rest of us can only hope to be as brave as you.â
It wasnât the fact that he knew the exact words â again, WCKD had cameras everywhere in that Maze, they wouldâve heard it. It was instead the emotion tied to the words. She felt them, felt the lifeline theyâd created for him in his darkest moment. He wasnât lying, and that meant he was real.
Finally, she allowed the sob to break free as she dropped the gun and threw her arms around Newtâs neck. He breathed out in relief, bringing her closer to his chest, face pressed into her H/C hair.
âItâs really you,â she whimpered, grasping tighter to the person sheâs always been able to rely on. The person who has always protected her and brought out the best in her. Her closest friend, her safety net, her home.Â
âIt is, love,â he said into her hair, breathing her in deeply. âIâm sorry I couldnât protect you before.â
âItâs okay,â she said, pulling away to look up at him then to the other two. âI canât believe you came after us.â
âI know right,â Minho said, punching Thomasâ arm lightly. âDumb shanks.â
âYou can berate us later,â Thomas said, rubbing his arm. âRight now, weâve got to get out of here before Lawrence brings down the whole city.â
Y/N went to ask what he meant but gripped onto Newt instead as the building shook again.
âCome on, letâs go,â Newt said, grabbing Y/Nâs hand with one hand, and holding a launcher in the other. Together, the four of them ran to escape WCKD once and for all.
~
âBrenda!â
Y/N didnât care about the rain of bullets and walls of fire around her as she ran for the berg. After hearing Teresaâs broadcast, she needed to get the cure back to Newt fast. Leaving him was one of the hardest things she has had to do. He wasnât in great condition, but Thomas insisted that heâd take care of Newt. But the medicine Thomas had given Brenda all those months ago didnât just buy her time, it had cured her completely. It could do the same for Newt.
If she could make it in time.
âBrenda!â Y/N cried as she spotted her friend. âThe cure! I need the cure!â
Brenda understood, immediately retrieving one of the extra capsules Mary had made from Thomasâ blood before WCKD raided the camp. âHere,â she said, passing over the injector.Â
âThanks!â Y/N said, already sprinting back into the war zone before anyone could stop her.Â
She could feel it, the exhaustion, the strain she was putting her body under. Underfed and under trained, she was struggling. But she refused to stop. Newt had come all this way to find her, risked his life to get her out of WCKDâs clutches when he couldâve been administered the temporary cure and been safe on the berg already. No, Y/N refused to let him die without trying.
Minho, Brenda, Frypan, and Gally â Y/N was still shocked about that revelation, but that was for another time to discuss - followed around her, covering her with guns and other weapons as they ran through the war zone.
After an eternity of running, the group rounded a corner to find a sight that made Y/N feel like she was back in the nightmare simulator. Newt was leaning over Thomas with a knife aimed at his chest.
âNewt, no!â Y/N cried, running towards the two boys without thought.Â
Newt faced her at the call of his name, and she froze as she saw his black eyes. Dark veins branched over his skin and black blood dribbled from his chin. He was a full-blown crank now.Â
He raced at her, snarling as he swung the knife at her throat. She ducked just in time and rolled away as he slammed the knife down where her neck was. She quickly jumped to her feet, and despite her fatigue, muscle memory took over her legs, then her hands. That first night in the Scorch came to mind, how her and Newt sparred. The injector was her knife, and Newt her proper opponent.
âNewt, itâs me,â she said, slipping into her Medjack demeanour â calm and steady. âItâs Y/N. Please, snap out of it for a moment so I can help you.â
She thought he would run at her again, but his brows crinkled with concern and he looked at the knife in his shaky hands. He looked back at her, and the voice he spoke with broke her heart. It was a mixture of his sweet accent and a gargled croak where blood clogged his throat.Â
âY/NâŠâ he started. âRun away⊠Before⊠Before I kill you.â
The scene reminded her of the time he came in with his injured ankle. How desperate he was to fade into nothing because he was scared and ashamed of what heâd done. But just like then, she refused to be scared of him.Â
Y/N shook her head. âIâm not leaving you, Newt,â she said. âNone of us will.â
Newt seemed to realise there were more people than just her and Thomas, turning around to see the others. The sight of them seemed to distress him, though, as he snarled angrily and charged at her. She shuffled back as he swung at her again and again, but as she stepped back again, she tripped on something. She fell onto her back, knocking the air out of her lungs. Before she could gather herself up, Newt was on her, straddling her similar to how he had Thomas pinned before. Newt raised the knife to bring down on her but was tackled by Thomas.
They rolled for a little, then scrambled to their feet as they fought once more. This was Y/Nâs only chance. She pushed herself up and ran for the boys, injector at the ready. Newt was bringing the knife forward in a wide arc that would gut Thomas when Y/N threw herself in between them, slamming the injector into Newtâs arm.
Right as his drove the knife into her stomach.
âY/N!âÂ
She wasnât sure who called her name, because all she could focus on was Newt as some of the blackness in his eyes cleared and she saw some of his gorgeous brown eyes. She also felt her body finally giving up. As if it knew that this was the end. After all the torture and pain, she had stayed alive so long for one reason. To save Newt â the boy who had been there from the start. So much so she hadnât realised until he wasnât there how much he meant to her. How heâd wormed his way into her heart and consumed it without her even knowing.Â
She gripped his hand that held the knife in her stomach, unfurled his fingers from the handle, and brought them to her chest where her heart was slowly slowing down. Her weak legs gave out, and she brought Newt down to his knees with her. She couldâve been imagining things, but she swore she saw recognition in his half-black eyes which made her smile as tears finally fell from her eyes.
âItâs okay, Newt,â she whispered. âItâs okay because⊠I love you.â
Her vision blurred and she finally let go of Newt as the both of them collapsed to the ground. Her breaths were short and sharp as the pain made itself known. A rush of feet thumped around her, and she had the slightest awareness that someone was moving her, but she didnât care. She was finally at peace as darkness, at last, consumed her.
~
Y/N woke to the sound of waves rolling over on sand. The first thing she saw was grey canvas, then rolled her head around to see she was lying on a cot in a small tent with tables and medical supplies similar to how her Medjack hut looked. But she wasnât alone.
âOh my God.â Brendaâs face came into focus as the girl crouched by Y/Nâs cot, disbelief and relief morphing her gentle features. âYouâre awake! Youâre finally awake!â
âOw,â Y/N clasped at her head at the sudden loudness. âCould you lower your voice please?â
âYes, right, sorry,â Brenda said, but her lips split in a bright smile as she helped Y/N sit up. âIâm just so happy youâre okay.â
âWhat happened?â Y/N asked, all she remembered was being stabbed then falling unconscious. She pulled up her fresh linen shirt to see her wound bandaged. âI thought I was done for.â
âSo did all of us,â Brenda admitted, her tone sombre as she pulled up a seat beside the cot. âWe got you to the berg as quickly as possible and Vince got you stable, but you just werenât waking up. Itâs been a week.â
âA week?â Y/N made to get up but sat back down as her wound pulled in an unpleasant way.
âWhoa, where do you think youâre going?â Brenda asked stabilising Y/N back in her bed. âYouâve just come out of a coma induced by physical and mental torture. Not to mention you were stabbed.â
âIâm fine. Trust me, Iâm trained⊠somewhat,â Y/N said, this time able to swing her legs over the side of her cot. Brenda didnât try and stop her, but she did have to help Y/N when she stood. âNow, where is Newt?â Brenda didnât answer right away, and tears threatened to pool in Y/Nâs eyes at what her silence could mean. âBrenda⊠Is he⊠Is he alive?â
Brenda, again, didnât answer, and her face didnât give anything away either. Instead, she just held back the flap of the tent and motioned for Y/N to exit. Y/N took cautious steps forward as she followed Brenda into a completely new place that had her staring in awe.
It was a bustling camp where sleeping quarters and other spaces were mapped out by canvas strung up on carved wood pillars and posts. Y/N spied a kitchen area where she swore she heard Frypan laughing with some others.Â
There was a gathering area where a giant stone stood in front of the seats. There were names carved into it, like what they used to do in the Glade. Y/N tried to make out if a certain blondeâs name was on it. She caught familiar names like Alby and Chuck, Clint and Jeff.Â
âY/N?âÂ
She swung around to find Brenda smiling as she was joined by Thomas, Minho, and Jorge. The three of them ran at her, arms wide open to capture her in a hug.
âYou crazy shank, Minho said, laughter on his lips. âLook who finally decided to join the living again.â
âAnd here I thought I was the lazy slinthead for sleeping for so long,â Thomas said jokingly, pulling Y/N in for another hug. âIâm so relieved.â
âWelcome back, hermana,â Jorge said, a warm smile gracing his lips as he gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder.
âGood to be back,â Y/N replied, smiling at the three males. âWhat happened after I thought Iâd died?â
Thomas went to reply, but Minho cut in. âWeâll explain later. Right now, I think you should go say hi to someone else.â
Confused, Y/N followed Minhoâs gaze to Brenda, who stood atop a hill and was staring over the other side of it. Y/N quickly reached Brendaâs position and followed her gaze to a large garden that people were working on. But her breath caught at the sight of a familiar blond at the edge of the gardens talking and pointing in all directions to people.
âHey, Newt!â Brenda called out, causing the blond to turn around and look up. At first, he saw Brenda, but his gaze soon fell on Y/N and his whole face changed into disbelief.
With the other gardeners forgotten, he started climbing up the hill, and Y/N couldnât wait another moment so she started walking down the hill.Â
They met in the middle, with Y/N standing at Newtâs height on the uphill. Neither said anything to begin with, both in disbelief and awe at who stood in front of them. Y/N looked over Newt, noting he still looked pale and somewhat sickly. But the dark veins were gone, as was the black blood and his black eyes. And the sun shone so brightly that his hair looked golden. It was as if he was never infected to begin with.
With a shaky hand, she reached out to rest her hand over his beating heart. âYouâre alive,â she whispered, too scared to voice it too loudly in case this was also another nightmare.Â
But he proved her doubts wrong as he rested his own hand on top of hers. âI am,â he said, and the usual warmth of his voice truly convinced her he was real.Â
His face pinched suddenly with concern and guilt. âIâm so sorry, Y/N,â he said, his hand tightening slightly over hers. âI hurt you. I almostâŠâ
âItâs okay,â she interrupted, using her free hand to cradle is cheek and keep his eyes on her. âYou didnât. I am here, too. Looks like we both saved each other.â
To her relief Newt smiled. It was a genuine, happy smile, something she hadnât seen on him in a long time. He nuzzled into her hand briefly, before bringing it down with his free hand so he held her hands between them.Â
âBefore I passed out,â he started, âI remember you saying something.â
âOh.â A blush heated upon her cheeks, but she refused to look away from him. âRight. I did say something.â
She was trying to play it cool, but as soon as his deep brown eyes fixed on her, she knew he could see right through her. But he didnât smile smugly, he didnât tease. He actually looked scared as his jaw clenched, fighting to find the next words to speak.Â
âYou said you love me,â he finally said, words tight but hopeful. âIs that true?â
Y/Nâs mouth dried up suddenly, constricted by all the things she wished to say but couldnât say all at once. Itâs not like she was scared, she just never thought she would live long enough to have a future, let alone one with love. One with Newt.
But she had â she had survived WCKDâs cruelty, she had survived the terrors of the old world, she had survived when so many of her friends hadnât. And it was her duty to live her gift of a life to the fullest.
âYes,â she finally said, and it was like breathing in fresh air after being underground for so long. âI love you, Newt. I donât know when or how it happened, but I do. I love you.âÂ
There was a second of hesitation, but then Newt broke out into a wide smile, and Y/N swore she saw tears brim in his eyes. He suddenly reached one hand up to cradle her neck as he pulled Y/N in for a sweet kiss that simultaneously knocked the air out of her and breathed new life into her. He held her neck and hip, and she pressed her hands against his chest, satisfied to feel his heart thundering beneath her hands. The heart that almost never beat again, the heart that had saved her over and over again.Â
The kiss was short but was no less breath-taking, and when they pulled apart neither could stop the smiles on their faces.Â
âI love you, too,â Newt said. âIf that wasnât already obvious.â
Y/N threw her head back in a hearty laugh. She slung her arms around Newtâs neck, a cheeky grin dancing across her lips. âIâm not so sure. Maybe we could try that again to make sure?â
âCheeky bugger,â he murmured as he pressed his lips to hers again. Y/N sighed into the kiss, grasping the baby hairs at the base of his head.Â
They pulled apart at the sound of their friends whooping and clapping atop the hill. Y/N felt her face erupt with embarrassed heat, to which Newt laughed as she ducked her head into his chest.Â
âAll right, come on lovebirds!â Minho called out. âDinnerâs almost ready.â
As they walked down out of sight, Y/N went to follow but was stopped by a loose grip on her wrist.
âWhat is it?â she asked as she turned back to Newt.
âI justâŠâ Newt turned to the gardens below, then to the water, then to the sunset that bathed the whole camp in beautiful hues of orange, pink and purple. When he finally turned back to Y/N, she thought he couldnât look any more handsome with that pure sunshine smile and sparkle in his eyes. âThanks.â
âFor what?â she asked.
âFor teaching me how to be brave,â he answered.
Y/N gave his hand a squeeze. âYou were always brave, Newt,â she said. âItâs how I learned how to be brave in the first place.â
Newt squeezed her hand in return, then they walked hand in hand back up the hill and down to dinner to where their friend awaited them.Â
Where the lives they never imagined theyâd get a chance to live awaited them.
#maze runner newt x reader#newt x reader#tmr newt x reader#maze runner imagines#maze runner x reader#the maze runner#minho#tmr frypan#tmr thomas#tmr minho#tmr newt#tmr gally#tmr brenda#tmr jorge#the death cure#the scorch trials#romance#angst#friends to lovers
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Based on the fanfic "Liquid Courage", go read it!
IT'S FINALLY DONE I CAN DIE I CAN SCREAM IS DONE I LOVE MALE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.
Please like, comment, or share! I really appreciate it :D
#tw: suggestive#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#starkid npmd#max jagerman#max jÀgerman#kyle clauger#claugerman#stacy hatchetfield#brenda hatchetfield#jason jepson#comic#npmd fanart#fanart#Loveluckart
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#starkid#hatchetfield#npmd#kyle clauger#stacy npmd#max jagerman#stephanie lauter#richie lipshitz#peter spankoffski#jason jepson#brenda npmd#ruth fleming
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SCARY MOVIE 1 (2000) dir. keenen ivory wayans
#scary movie#scarymovieedit#horroredit#horrorgifs#userhorroredits#classichorrorblog#useremory#junkfooddaily#my gifs*#nessa007#usertj#useraurore#usersavana#usersugar#useralien#userrlaura#userkayleigh#chaoticroad#tuserjen#userrin#userlaro#tuserbailey#userbru#userlosthaven#userzo#brenda meeks
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YOU'RE IN MY VEINS, YOU FUCK
Henry Miller from a letter to Brenda Venus Dear, Dear Brenda: The Love Letters of Henry Miller to Brenda Venus // boygenius We're In Love // Francisco de ZurbarĂĄn Agnus Dei // Katie Maria I used to be a hole in the ground (via @heavensghost) // Rafael NicolĂĄs Angels Before Man // CĂ©line Sciamma Portrait de la jeune fille en feu // Kate Moss in a text message to Pete Doherty // Sophocles Antigone // Joan Didion South and West // Richard Siken Editors Pages: The Long and Short of It // Japanese Breakfast Boyish // VIVINOS Alien Stage; "ROUND 6" // Li-Young Lee I Loved You Before I Was Born // Hannibal; "Secondo" dir. Vincenzo Natali // Hozier Francesca
#this has been in my drafts forever lmao i forgot what the original idea was oops#anyways happy äžç§ everyone !! äžç§ćż«äčïŒ#on love#on devotion#on obsession#on emotion#on heartbreak#poetry parallels#poetry compilation#web weave#web weaving#henry miller#brenda venus#boygenius#francisco de zurbaran#celine sciamma#portrait of a lady on fire#kate moss#pete doherty#sophocles#joan didion#richard siken#japanese breakfast#vivinos#alien stage#li young lee#hannibal#poem#spilled poetry#poetry
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REGINA HALL as BRENDA MEEKS
Scary Movie (2000)
#scary movie#scarymovieedit#brenda meeks#regina hall#horroredit#horrorgifs#horror#comedy#filmedit#movieedit#moviegifs#cinemaedit#dailyflicks
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RIP Ramona Fradon (October 2, 1926 â February 24, 2024)
#Comics#Ramona Fradon#Original art#Aquaman#Metamorpho#Plastic Man#House of Mystery#The Cat#Brenda Starr
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