#Bmatt got jokes

[thebmatt]

I finally figured out why the Eden primals look so different.

They strayed too far from the Source material.

[thebmatt]

I was leveling Warrior on my alt the other day, queued up for the Trial Roulette, and I ended up with The Whorleater.

I told the other tank, “Hey, this is my first time doing Leviathan as a tank, so if you wanna main, I’ll follow your lead.”

He replied “Actually, this is my first time in here as a tank too”

I guess we were in the same boat

[thebmatt]

Did you guys hear about the new game exploit that lets hyurs get a free fantasia whenever they want?

They just have to go to the First, die, be buried and then dug up again.

At that point they’re ex-Humed!

[thebmatt]

I got into a pillow fight with Zero, but I lost. Now I have to pay for all her food for a full month.

Guess I couldn’t handle the Reaper cushions.

[thebmatt]

You guys aren’t gonna believe this, but I just saw a Lalafell couple get mugged in the streets of Ul’dah!

I didn’t think anyone could stoop so low!

[thebmatt]

I heard Haurchefant’s ghost was gonna be the mentor/questgiver for one of the new jobs in the next expac. It’s called the Holey Knight.

[thebmatt]

Hythlodaeus: “Hey Azem, you hear about that new concept Hades submitted to the Bureau?” Azem: “I did not! What was it?” Hythlodaeus: “It’s this really big quadrupedal herbivore with massive antlers. They’re calling it ‘Emet’s Elk’!”

Azem: 🤦

[thebmatt]

LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Someone told me that sin eaters weigh an awful lot, but I dunno, I think they’re pretty light

[thebmatt]

You guys see the leak of the new Carpenter abilities? Turns out they’ll be able to cut wood just by lookin’ at it. I know it’s hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes!

[thebmatt]

Did you guys know that Ishgard has a really great Greek restaurant?

I took Haurchefant there once. He loved it. I’m not surprised. After all, a smile better suits a gyro.

[thebmatt]

[thebmatt]

Did you guys see the new cafe that opened in Ul’dah? Traditional Lalafell cuisine.

Pretty tasty, but the line is always long.

Turns out they’re.....short staffed. 

[thebmatt]

I got myself banned from helping Tataru cook this week.

Turns out I got careless while making a fruit tray and I left a banana peel on the floor.

As you can imagine, the Lala fell

[thebmatt]

You guys ever wonder why people playing DoL jobs are always so nice?

I did. So I asked a botanist friend about it.

They said it’s cause they drink a lot of Cordial.

[thebmatt]

Please for the love of Halone make more FFXIV dad jokes. My husband loves to torture me with normal dad jokes and getting to pull this back out at him has brought me such joy!

Please search the tags on this post, it’ll bring up all the other ones I’ve made! And there’s plenty more coming!!

[thebmatt]

How are you going to make this thing and not call it a Peepsi.