#Bmatt got jokes

[thebmatt]

I finally figured out why the Eden primals look so different.

They strayed too far from the Source material.

[thebmatt]

Well ever since 5.3 he's been permanently stoned, after all.

the crystal exarch is 420 friendly

[thebmatt]

Did you guys know that both Haurchefant and Emet-Selch were golfers?

It’s true.

They both have a hole-in-one.

[thebmatt]

Did you guys hear about the new game exploit that lets hyurs get a free fantasia whenever they want?

They just have to go to the First, die, be buried and then dug up again.

At that point they’re ex-Humed!

[thebmatt]

I heard Haurchefant’s ghost was gonna be the mentor/questgiver for one of the new jobs in the next expac. It’s called the Holey Knight.

[thebmatt]

I got into a pillow fight with Zero, but I lost. Now I have to pay for all her food for a full month.

Guess I couldn’t handle the Reaper cushions.

[thebmatt]

Hythlodaeus: “Hey Azem, you hear about that new concept Hades submitted to the Bureau?” Azem: “I did not! What was it?” Hythlodaeus: “It’s this really big quadrupedal herbivore with massive antlers. They’re calling it ‘Emet’s Elk’!”

Azem: 🤦

[thebmatt]

LET THE GAMES BEGIN

Someone told me that sin eaters weigh an awful lot, but I dunno, I think they’re pretty light

[thebmatt]

It’s always a good time when one of my dad jokes makes @dragons-bones yell at me.

Did you guys know that Ishgard has a really great Greek restaurant?

I took Haurchefant there once. He loved it. I’m not surprised. After all, a smile better suits a gyro.

[thebmatt]

Please for the love of Halone make more FFXIV dad jokes. My husband loves to torture me with normal dad jokes and getting to pull this back out at him has brought me such joy!

Please search the tags on this post, it’ll bring up all the other ones I’ve made! And there’s plenty more coming!!

[thebmatt]

I was leveling Warrior on my alt the other day, queued up for the Trial Roulette, and I ended up with The Whorleater.

I told the other tank, “Hey, this is my first time doing Leviathan as a tank, so if you wanna main, I’ll follow your lead.”

He replied “Actually, this is my first time in here as a tank too”

I guess we were in the same boat

[thebmatt]

Did you guys know it’s a cultural tradition in the Crystarium to celebrate the anniversary of the day you got your apartment?

It’s true. They call it “In-the-Pendants Day”

[thebmatt]

Hey, fellow Black Mage enjoyers out there.

Have you given Fisher a try?

I know it might seem very different, but if you’re already familiar with Black Mage, you’ve already got the most important part of Fisher down: Don’t move while casting.

[thebmatt]

[thebmatt]

Did you guys know that back in the ARR Days I was the richest member of my Free Company?

Then I financed a doomed expedition to the Lost City.

Now I Amdapoorest.

[thebmatt]

You guys see the leak of the new Carpenter abilities? Turns out they’ll be able to cut wood just by lookin’ at it. I know it’s hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes!