#Blarg Baskala

[dailydoseofdevy]

Title: Don’t Know Why

Artist: Devin Townsend

Album: Ziltoid The Omniscient (Bonus Disc)

Lyrics/Transcription below:

“Greetings humans!

I am Ziltoid, the Omniscient. Welcome to the bonus disc of my first album: Ziltoid The Omniscient, ironically enough. In this next ten to fifteen minutes, you will hear some terrible, terrible, bonus material. But you know it’s Ziltoid, so it’s fun! Enjoy! Indeed!“

[The following part has Ziltoid reading lyrics from "Soilwork". The first is called "I, Vermin" and the other is called "Sick Heart River", both from the album "Sworn to a Great Divide". This particular Soilwork album was recorded in Devin’s Devlab, and he served as a producer for the album.] “Signal, high and low! They bring the tooth and nail! Fast or slow. Will you give me just one dammit second to bail out of reach, Before I do as you please... Times two! Cause I might be wrong, Am I the only one who sees the damage is done? And it wont be long before I loose my faith and make a run And become like you! Indeed! I will make another plan to find what is left, and nothing less! Still, I won't thread, I find my own way and make it all worthwhile! Call, call on me darkness! Wait, wait on me now! Wont you say, say that I'm sorry. ‘Cause I wont wait! So I found another form, it's breathing life! It must have been there the whole time when I was dead, ‘Cause I was pledged to emptiness! And now I let myself to see all the things I just didn't expect! Still, I remember! Still, I repent! I never walked thought the nether despite my decent! Reborn, Acknowledging the past of me that was lost. I have repressed too many years My utopia was within my grasp Doomed in absentia Left to be sentenced Still rising to cherish all the things I have left. Call, call on me darkness! Wait, wait on me now! Wont you say, say that I'm sorry. Cause I wont wait! Indeed!”

[The following part is an interview with a Swedish radio host. I would have transcribed in Swedish and then provided an English translation but I’m not really that proficient in Swedish, so I’ll just do my best to translate what I understand. Anybody here happen to be an expert on Swedish dialects?]

Kenneth Ölboy: “Yes, welcome to this 30-minute long program. Today we have a highly requested guest. He has been awaited for a long, long time. Allow me to present, Ziltoid.”

Ziltoid: “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! It is a pleasure and distinct honor to be here in. Well you, this is, this is, this is Sweden you say? So anyway, your first question?“ (Fans screaming and clapping in the background throughout entire skit)

Ölboy: “Yes, I have questions, and many who have phoned in too, amongst others Lisa from Norrköping, from the chapel at Norra bro with: ’I heard that you mentioned meatballs, do you prefer pork, or possibly, possibly, beef?’”

Ziltoid: “Well, yes, yes. Those photographs were definitely a low point in my career. And you know, I did it for the money. I was a student working on Ziltoidia 5, and before I got to Ziltoidia 9 I needed, you know, I just needed a little bit of cash to propel myself into the stardom that I, that I currently enjoy on Ziltoidia 9. And I, I apologize. I mean we all, we all, we all do stupid things, you know, but if you notice the size of my schlädel, it’s absolutely fabulous, don’t you think?“

Ölboy: “Yeah, then we have.. I think we have Lennard with us from Ödåkra here. Lennard what were you going to ask?“

Lennard: [“ABSOLUTE GIBBERISH TO ME“]

Ziltoid: “Yes, yes. Twice. Only twice. And the second time was forced, and I have to admit it wasn’t quite as enjoyable as the first. But, but you know, I-I think that, in the long run, these things make a Ziltoidian a Ziltoidian.”

Ölboy: “Yeah, then I think we’ll go with the next lady. I think we have Jennifer in, from Höganäs joining us. Hello little lady, go ahead Jennifer.”

Jennifer: “Yeah, I don’t know if you have something called polka, something called paradise and something called pantaloons, on your planet, that you come from. Polka, PMS, unagi and Hanna-Barbera Valley. Polka, do you also polka?” [Full disclosure: I have no idea, but this is all I can hear..]

Ziltoid: “While I do appreciate the interv.. I do appreciate the interview, please do not forget that or.. or look.. overlook that fact. But I have to say; Do not make fun of the world pantaloons. They are absolutely straddling, and I paid a top dollar for them! ”

Ölboy: “Yes then I do believe we have Joni from Piteå with us. Go ahead Jon.“

Joni: “Yes hello. This is where I’ve heard that you had a band about two thousand years ago. I would really like to hear something from that record. Is that possible?”

Ziltoid: “Oh yes, the Gravy Killers, of course, yes. I didn’t think you knew about the Gravy Killers. I’m, I’m actually quite fond of that band. We were, we were a, a big hit on Ziltoidia 5. Yes, it, this, this track that we’ll play for you is, is, is a small little diddy from our first demo recording. It’s called ‘Blarg Baskala’.“

The Gravy Killers: “BLARG BASKAL! BLARG BASKAL! BLARG BASKAL! BLARG BASKAL! BLARG BAR-BAR BASKAL!  BLAR BASKAL! BLARG BULEH! ULELELEH! BLAR BLARG BASKAL! BLARG BASKAL! BLARG BASKAL! (HAHAHA LA-LA LA. LA-LA-LA. WAH. WAH WAH-WA-AH. WAH WAH. WA-UH WAH. WAH WAH WA-UH WAH. WAH WAH WA-UH WAH.)”

Ölboy: “I do think that was all for tonight. We would like to give a big thank you to Ziltoid, for taking the time to join us in the studio. See you again tomorrow, my name is Kenneth Ölboy.”

Ziltoid: “Yes, thank you for the interview, Kenneth Ölboy. It was indeed a.. distinct pleasure. And until next time, understand that ‘Ziltoid The Omniscient’  hits your record stores in the very near future, and you will probably download it so it won’t make a huge difference, but if you do see it, buy seven! Thank you very much for the interview Ölboy, we’ll talk to you in the near future. Indeed.”

(Demented screaming continues into the next part.)

[The next part that Ziltoid quotes is originally from an essay by Alan Watts called "The New Alchemy" in which he was asked by a psychiatric research group to take 100 micrograms of lysergic acid, just to see whether it would reproduce anything resembling a mystical experience.] “This is it. Colors became so vivid that flowers, leaves, and fabrics seemed to be illuminated from inside. The random patterns of blades of grass in a lawn appeared to be exquisitely organized without, however, any actual distortion of vision. Black ink or sumi paintings by Chinese and Japanese artists appeared almost to be three dimensional photographs, and what are ordinarily dismissed as irrelevant details of speech, behavior, appearance, and form seemed in some indefinable way to be highly significant. Listening to music with closed eyes, I beheld the most fascinating music; Patterns of dancing jewelry, mosaic, tracery, and abstract images. At one point everything appeared to be uproariously funny, especially the gestures and actions of people going about their lives and everyday business actions. Ordinary remarks seemed to reverberating with double and quadruple meanings, and the role-playing behavior of those around me not only became unusually evident but also implied concealed attitudes contrary or complementary to the overt intention. In short, the screening or selective apparatus of our normal interpretative evaluation of experience had been partially suspended, with the result that I was presumably projecting the sensation of meaning or significance upon just about everything. The whole experience was vastly entertaining and interesting, but yet as nothing like any mystical experience that I had had before. Indeed. “

(Indeed!)

Yes. Yes. Yes. Ziltoid the Omniscient here. Thank you so much for paying attention. Close wrapped attention, I’m sure you have. Until the next time know this; Ziltoid the Omniscient feels an incredibly warm sensation in his mid-region towards you. I think you call it love. We, from Ziltoidia 9, call it heartburn. Indeed! Good evening!”