#Bickerman Twins AU

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Mrs Bickerman meeting Jim's S/O Vs Wayne's S/O.

*Bickerman Twins AU

Jim's:

Y/N: Well it was nice meeting you! Bye ^^ Mrs B: Bye, dear. Mrs B: Son? A word?? Mrs B: ... marry her quickly before she realises you're an idiot.

Wayne's:

Mrs B: You're such a lovely girl, here, let me find you a nice boy. The women in my reading group have some lovely sons- Y/N: Um- ma'am- I'm kinda with your son. Mrs B: Mhm. Yes. I know dear. Mrs B: You can do better.

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Thinking about this AU again- And I have an update. We know Wayne's middle name is Anthony, but what if Jackson is Jim's middle name. And Wayne just stole it when he was disowned like hmmmmm I need a new name now, hum... new name new name new name... oh~ *realises his can steal his brothers name* Perfect. Fuck him.

Hum hum hum... something about an au where Jim Bickerman and Wayne Jackson are twin brothers and Wayne got disowned and excommunicated from the Bickerman side cuz he truly sucks/genuine reasons (which yes, makes Jim the good twin 😅😬 Oof.) so he ended up working for family on their Dads side- the Tyrus's.

... Hmmmm XD

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(M.I.) Long AF update, and thanks to slxsherwriter I found the thing: first episode, 42:09. Knew I didn't dream that. (Sidenote: that incorrect quotes post with Greasy and the B99 quote "you can punch me, kick me..." etc...that's the kind of sub vibe I was getting from Smiley.)

Very, very light mention of suicidal ideation in this one

1976

It's late at night and The Cafe has parked itself on a stretch of desert highway. Ironically making you shiver as you think about those old tales of ghostly hitchhikers. As if anyone more dead than you is going to wander in.

The reassuring thought does absolutely nothing to make the quiet, empty building less creepy.

You know Blackie's nowhere around because the air isn't right. It's something you've started to notice recently, that you can tell whether he's hidden or entirely absent just from the atmosphere.

The Cafe always greets his return like an old friend. Not in words, of course, but there's a...a feeling after he's been gone for awhile. The whole place is suddenly cozier and, yes, even the very air seems to change with that split second he pops into being.

Right now, everything feels wrong and empty. You think about wishing him back, just to see if it works and stop the hairs prickling on your neck, but if Blackie's out that means you'll soon have a customer.

You'd rather they didn't show up until he's home. Just in case.

"Where's he gone," you ask the ceiling.

The tv flickers to life and your ears are assaulted by the tinny sound of multiple bells clanging...Dingdingding...

Naturally he's in a casino. There he is, wandering the crowd and handing out terrible advice. Why not give the machine a few more coins? Pull the lever again? Gotta get lucky sometime, right? Don't give up.

He must sense you watching him, because he glances unmistakably in the direction of the screen; flashing a smile in response to what he knows will be your disapproval. You roll your eyes.

The contrast between his crowded, lively surroundings and yours only serves to highlight the eerie feeling of the desert location. With that song about Phantom 309 playing in your head, you know you've got to get out.

"No offense," you say, heading to the kitchen door, "but I've got the worst case of the heebie-jeebies and I'd rather be there."

Saying it out loud makes you suddenly aware that it's been awhile since you even thought about leaving. No matter how often Blackie manages to grate on your nerves.

Thankfully, the building approves your request; turning your uniform to a fashionable little cocktail number just as the elevator you materialize inside opens, leaving you facing the gold and red carpeted hallway of what looks like an expensive hotel. You're always glad for the chance to wear something different, and your reflection across the way tells you that even with a more modest neckline, the black and silver looks stunning.

There are a couple of small potted plants at the end of the hall with gold tinsel ropes wrapped around their buckets. Matching the ones that circle the columns behind them, ending in giant red bows. Is it near Christmas? Have you lost another year without realizing?

You follow the clanging sounds into the casino, trying to spot Blackie in the crowd. For a moment, you worry you've missed him entirely, then you spot a familiar coat draped over a chair at a poker table. A familiar form sitting in that chair. And you're not going to think about the fact you recognized him from behind. It was the clothes. Not his hair, his posture...the line of his shoulders...

It wasn't any of that.

He turns his head before you even reach the table, and you wonder if he's developed his own sixth sense about you. And how? This casino isn't tied to The Cafe. You couldn't possibly be having any effect on the atmosphere.

"Joining the fun," Blackie asks when you sit down, practically lighting up at the thought.

"Not a chance." You lean in, lowering your voice. "But I am keeping an eye on you."

"Wise decision," he says just as quietly. "Some people have accused me of cheating."

You laugh, knowing he means you and that he's all but admitted you're right.

"I can't imagine why."

Glancing around the table, you startle at the hollow-eyed man sitting directly opposite. He's barely slept in days, judging by the dark circles and disheveled appearance. There's no question he's the one you'll be helping. There's also no question you'd have jumped out of your skin if he'd happened by The Cafe while you were alone.

He looks like death warmed over.

"Is he dangerous," you ask Blackie, directing his eyes with a flick of yours.

"No, just an addict about to lose the last of his savings the same way he lost his wife. I've got this one in the bag," he adds gleefully.

"I don't think so."

You assume this was originally going to play out with the poor man losing whatever he had left and then finding The Cafe while on his way to...well, it made you shiver just contemplating what someone that down on their luck might be doing so far out in the desert. Looking for privacy.

But now, you've given yourself a slight advantage. No need to wait around until Blackie's finished 'testing' him.

"Wanna bet on it?"

"No!"

Though even you have to acknowledge you're teetering right on the borderline everytime you let him goad you into competing. It's just...you've done all the gambling you intend to in your life. Or afterlife. You keep losing pretty big.

You make your way over to stand by the would-be customer, trying to figure out how you'll convince him to leave when he's barely paying attention to you. Despite the fact you currently look incredible and any other man would've taken immediate notice if you'd singled him out.

Blackie doesn't make things easy for you. And he has to be cheating, magically changing the deck to give himself an advantage. No one is that consistently lucky. At one point, he takes out a cigar after losing a hand, and you contemplate shoving it down his throat when he wins the next one. Realizing he's giving his victim just enough hope to keep trying. Enough rope to hang himself.

You glare across the table, getting a very self-satisfied smoke ring in return. It's annoying how cool that looks.

You're rapidly losing your advantage, here. You have to get the addict away from temptation. Taking your attention off Blackie, you settle it fully on the man next to you. Praying you've got enough feminine charm to make this work.

"What's your name, handsome," you ask while the next round is being dealt.

For a split second, you've got half his attention.

"Nathan," he mumbles distractedly.

Without bothering to ask for yours in return. You give it, anyway, trying to build a connection.

"Why don't we go someplace quieter," you ask, "maybe-" reassessing his appearance, you opt against inviting him for a drink "-have dinner, get to know each other a bit?"

Nathan finally looks over at that, quickly taking in the facade of glamour you've been handed.

"No offense, sweetheart, but you're barking up the wrong tree. I can't afford you."

Your face burns and you can't help glancing at Blackie. knowing he must've heard. The hand with the cigar is covering his mouth, visibly stifling a laugh.

Narrowing your eyes, you mentally project the word 'jackass' as hard you can. Hoping he'll somehow hear that. He draws on the cigar, holding your gaze with that evil little twinkle while doing so. Flustering you into turning away.

He's enjoying this way too much. And he's not giving you a chance. Blackie won't be letting go of Nathan until the man loses everything. Entirely too harsh of a lesson, in your opinion. It's a good thing you've moved to this side of the table, otherwise you would make Blackie eat that infernal cigar! It would be the greatest feeling in the world, even if you found thumbtacks in your chair for the rest of eternity.

You can only sit, watching anxiously as Blackie drops those crumbs of hope again and again. Nathan's not going to listen right now, not while he thinks you're a prostitute scouting out high-rollers. You've got no choice but to wait.

When he's finally left with nothing and forced to stop, he simply gets up and leaves; numb resignation in every line of him. You follow, unable to resist pausing long enough to flick your grinning nemesis sharply on the ear.

"Why not just take his soul," you snap.

That would really hammer home the cliché Blackie's playing up right now.

"That's gone, too, if you don't hurry," he says, cheerful even while rubbing the injury.

Quickening your pace, you finally catch Nathan in the parking lot. His car's seen better days and if you were the betting type, you'd wager it's secondhand and he's already lost a much nicer one.

"Mind if I hitch a ride," you ask, dropping into the passenger seat like a woman with no self-preservation instincts.

"I already told you-" he begins tiredly.

"I'm not hooking," you interrupt. "You look like you could use a friend and I know a great place to get a burger. On me," you offer, smiling hopefully.

You'd also bet that he's hardly eating.

Nathan shrugs, chuckling bitterly.

"Why not? You got some guy waiting to cut my throat, take my empty wallet? Saves me some trouble."

Okay, that's...maybe a little offensive that he's so convinced you're a honey trap. But, then again, you wouldn't trust the attractive stranger turning up at your worst moment, either.

He follows your directions to The Cafe, which you're sure is some combination of homing beacon and the building deliberately appearing where you say it will. The out-of-the-way location makes him speculate on your nefarious plans again.

"Place looks pretty empty," he notes suspiciously as the two of you step inside.

It's not. Blackie's here, you can feel him. You wonder how long he'll stay out of sight before turning up to ruin this attempt for you.

"My fault," you say, tying on the apron that's lying on the counter. "I got a little scared and abandoned my post."

"That's quite a trip," Nathan says with a low whistle. "You walk?"

"Taxi."

Once in the kitchen, you wish there was another cook so you didn't have to always do everything yourself. Then you immediately backtrack because the only way to get any help is to condemn someone. And right now, that would be Nathan.

"Ignore that," you tell The Cafe quietly, keeping an eye on him through the window. Raising your voice, you add: "How d'you want this?"

"Just ketchup and onions."

"Fries?"

"Nah."

When his food is ready, you bring it over to his booth with a cup of coffee. Eyes going wide at the sudden, stabbing pain when you sit down. Thumbtacks. Four, if your ass was counting correctly. Two on each side.

You center yourself with a deep breath, determined to ignore them and keep subtly flirting with Nathan. He's sadly open to the possibility you're a femme fatale out to kill him.

Whatever holds his interest.

"So, how'd a nice guy like you end up in a place like that?"

"What's your angle, here," he asks, exasperation evident. "I got nothing you want."

"No angle. I've known more than my share of gamblers and-" you shrug "-only the dishonest ones are lucky. You lost, that means you can't be all bad. I just think you need help. A second chance."

He scoffs at you, picking out a trailing piece of onion and popping it in his mouth.

"Naive, aren't you, kid? I'm all outta chances. My ex-wife said so."

"As long as you're alive-"

"Look, you're obviously younger than I thought, and this is gonna be a hard lesson, but, sometimes...it's better to give up. Stop chasing that second, third, fourth...dragging everyone down with you."

"No kidding," you fire back. "My ex-boyfriend died because he couldn't accept that. And took me right along with him."

You drop the last sentence casually for maximum shock value. Despite your fears, you're the only ghost in this building.

Nathan visibly pales.

"Ah, okay, sweetheart, I think I'd better be-"

The lights flash as the tv comes to life. Personally, you find the effect overdramatic, but The Cafe is like that sometimes. Showy. A bit of a diva. On the screen, you see Nathan's first descent into his gambling addiction. A tiny little victory that gave him a taste for more.

He watches in silence as the scene changes to one of his ex-wife begging him to stop wasting all their money. What about their plans to start a family? Three years play out in minutes; a highlight reel of bad decisions.

"I get that you've hit rock bottom," you begin. "And I'm absolutely not saying keep chasing that thrill in case things get better. I'm saying stop. Climb back out of the hole. Fix your life, start over. It won't be easy, but something tells me you like doing things the hard way."

"I-"

"Or you might find yourself in a real dead-end job," Blackie cuts in dryly, suddenly appearing in the seat just behind Nathan; leaning over the back.

The poor guy jumps, clutching at his heart. You tell yourself very sternly not to laugh.

"Your choice, of course," Blackie continues. "We certainly could use the help around here."

Nathan looks suspiciously between the two of you. Obviously remembering he saw you together earlier.

"I knew there was an angle," he crows, triumphant and suddenly nervous for a man so sure he was done with life. "You're the mafia boyfriend who's gonna-"

"Not my boyfriend," you say emphatically. "I'm the friendly ghost who's trying to save your soul-" you point to yourself, then Blackie "-and he's the literal pain in my ass hindering that."

"Guess you don't want me giving 'im this, then."

Blackie holds up a satchel. You eye it suspiciously.

"Depends what's inside."

"About...twenty thousand dollars, give or take. Got it off a complete shmuck back at the casino."

"That's-that's twice what I had," Nathan stammers.

"Alright, a few shmucks." Blackie sets the bag on top of the bench, giving you that too-innocent look. "Just lucky, I guess," he says pointedly.

When Nathan reaches eagerly for the money, Blackie pulls the satchel away.

"Uh-uh," he scolds. "Can't get something for nothing, there's strings attached. Use it wisely or you'll wind up right.back.here."

You're staring as he hands over the money. You can't help it. Mouth working silently while Nathan thanks first Blackie and then you before hurrying out without eating another bite. You barely manage the faintest response to your latest customer's goodbye.

Blackie had technically won that round...by letting you win. Implicitly taking Nathan's soul, as suggested, as soon as the other man accepted the money. Condemning him and offering redemption at the same time.

Actually, giving him back the money in the first place was-

"That was nice by my standards," you marvel when speech returns.

He switches seats, taking the one directly across from you. The burger is briefly considered then dismissed as he lifts the top; pulling a face at the choice of condiments.

"Maybe you're a bad influence."

He smiles and the thumbtacks finally disappear. You breathe a sigh of relief. Followed by another filled with regret as you look down at your dress. Knowing it will soon be changing like Cinderella's ballgown.

"Guess I've got no reason to keep wearing this," you say, plucking at the shimmering skirt. "Back to the usual."

Blackie gives a sudden start, casting a disgruntled look upwards.

"Or...we could...go out. Somewhere," he says, every word clearly forced.

"Careful, you'll give the place ideas."

"Too late."

Of course it's too late. The two of you get around that by steadfastly refusing to acknowledge any of the set-ups as dates. You're just graciously enduring each other's company to pass the time until The Cafe sets you free.

And maybe sometimes it's fun, with all the great places you've been trapped. The beach. A broadway show where the singers were so perfectly in-tune it was obvious they were only shadow puppets. That picnic lunch in the Tuileries where you had the entire place to yourselves...

But it's never Blackie's doing. Always The Cafe. You don't think he made the offer entirely of his own volition.

"Movie," you ask, seeing a way to beat the place at its own game just this once. "Is there anything good on?"

He tilts his head thoughtfully, considering. After all, he'd know the answer better than you.

"There's some Streisand thing a few people have been talking about. If that sounds interesting."

You nod.

"And how about a real theater? Sorry," you add, patting the table. "But this look requires showing off."

Once you've gone somewhere real, The Cafe can't lock you in. You'll be free to leave at any time.

You step out the door into an alleyway, just across from what turns out to be a fancy theater with balcony seating. And you don't question things too much when none of the other patrons join you in that balcony. Or how Blackie snuck those two bottles of red tucked in his coat past the ushers.

He gets away with things simply because he wants to. You're beginning to suspect The Cafe chooses people based on who can keep him at least somewhat in line.

"You're awful," you scold with a laugh. Overflowing with the joy of being a positive influence and having a real night out, you don't hesitate in taking the bottle he offers. Settling in comfortably with it. "Alright. I'll misbehave this time."

Oh. Dear.

You're suddenly aware of how that statement could be taken. So is he. Because he's not just looking at you. He's Looking. Capital L. Capital everything, really. A questioning, serious version of that heavy-lidded taunt he flusters you with so often.

And you're not entirely sure you won't just go along with the misinterpretation.

Or if it would even be a misinterpretation in the first place.

After all, some people might -in a moment of weakness- say he's actually...kind of...handsome-ish.

Those same people might be disappointed when he blinks, shakes his head, and the moment is gone. Not you, though. Just some people. People who weren't here for a casual, friendly night out.

A few minutes into the movie, Barbara's crooning her first song onstage as a barely sober Kris Kristofferson watches with every sign of already being head over heels. You're only halfway paying attention, enjoying what little of her voice isn't drowned out by the background chatter.

Your main focus is Blackie and the way he's tossing popcorn into the air, catching it in his mouth.

You wonder if he's even capable of getting drunk. His hand-eye coordination is still impeccable despite the fact you'd both kept turning up the wine at a fairly consistent rate. Chugging a little too fast.

"Show-off." You throw a piece at him, watching in tipsy delight as it rebounds off his forehead. "Hah!"

"Bet I catch the next one."

He readies himself to do just that.

"Betcha can't-Ah! You sneaky...devil something," You wag your finger at him. "Almost had me that time."

Even that sounds like an innuendo. As does his playfully wistful retort of 'someday.'

Obviously, he means someday you'll make a bet with him. Not someday he'll have you.

You chug a little more wine, trying to kill that pesky thought.

Onscreen, a curly-haired extra introduces himself as Marty and sits down to harass Kris. Insisting he 'sing a song for Sheila.'

"What an asshole," you remark.

"I dunno about that. I'd say he's got a certain cha- Oh! That's a broken nose," Blackie interrupts himself with a laugh as Kris swings at Marty.

"Pfft! No," you say, snickering too because Marty deserved it. "Actor stuff. Fake."

"It was definitely real," Blackie insists.

You throw more popcorn at him for disagreeing, taking him off-guard. It bounces against his nose.

"Didn't catch it. I win," you point out smugly

"Cheater," he says approvingly, upending the rest of his popcorn on your head as you fall to helpless giggles.

The best one yet XDD

I'm literally grinning from ear to ear while reading any of your updates but this one had me covering my face!! I need more of Blackie and Y/N having fun!! 💛💛💛

And oh yeah, Y/N, 'handsome-ish'. 🫥🫥🫥... Sure XD

Also- ALSO-

I see exactly what you did there at the end, M.I XD Very clever! 😆😄

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Crack crossover AU where, as a young child, Louise Walker from Holes ends up all the way in New York after deciding to run away from home. She’s taken in by Delores Bickerman who lets Trout Walker and anyone else trying to drag the little girl back get eaten by her gators. To sum up, we get Sigourney Weaver being the unofficial sister to Robert Englund. She’s more homicidal in this setting, but fuck if she ain’t happier.

Sigourney Weaver, Robert Englund and Betty White as a family is such a Concept!!!! XDD

Throw in Jennifer Tilly, too XDD I have played around with Tiffany Valentine being a secret Bickerman, as well ☠️☠️☠️ (in my Bickerman Twins AU)

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I just watch Good Day For It... I have so many thoughts!!

With how it was set up, it felt like an indie film, or one of those shows with an hour+ runtime per episode. I had to double check the that this was a on-its-own movie. I don't mean that in a bad way at all! I kinda hoped it was so we could get more story and action XD but it was just- executed sooo well! By the halfway point, I was surprised that Emily hadn't been kidnapped and Luke had to go rescue her. The movie focused on them and their relationship and her getting the answers she needed. No unnecessary drama or action needed to keep us at the edge of our seats. I absolutely love how you can see what the characters are thinking through their emotions and expressions- especially Luke!!!! And I was so so so relieved when we got that happy ending of the family reunited. No prison or death for Luke, Emily and Sarah can get all their answers and hopefully they'll be one bug happy family again ^^

Hec and Rose? Do I need to say anything?? They are the BEST supporting cast ever. Hands down. I need Rose and Reba to hang out. I need more Hec and Rose banter. I need more of Hec not just flirting with Rose and genuinely caring for her. I. Need. Them.

And of course, I can't forget the thugs you- and now I- love. First of all; Norman is my favorite. He's just.... Hooooooo fuck. I need him. I need that man. So in control? So level headed yet dangerous at the same time??? Lord have mercy (it doesn't help at all that I'm 99% sure that this is the same guy who played Foxy. WHAT IS IT WITH THAT MAN AND HIS VOICE!?)

As we can see, this is yet another case of me falling in love with the sidekick/accomplice of the one you're in love(?) With. First buck and Harper, then Big Bad and Granny. Greasy and Psycho, Otis and Baby/Rufus. And now Norman and Wayne. What other team/duo are we going to fall for next? XD

Secondly, all these guys KILLED their roles. Oh my god, they really bring a whole new level to the movie when they're on screen. The tension is so thick, you could cut it with a butter knife. They just.... Ohhh my god, I wish I watched this movie sooner so I could appreciate your writing of them more!

Thirdly... Ok the fact that Robert England's character was dealt with by smashing a plate on his head 🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry, a plate smashing can do serious damage (especially to an old man *cough*) but- the other two got shot, but it's this toon of a man that's finished off with a dish. Please tell me I'm not the only one who found that funny XDDD

And finally.... ALL OF YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT WAYNES EGG COMMENT, BUT NONE OF YA'LL TALKING ABOUT ANY OF LYLES LINES!?!? I don't like that egg comment either, it made my skin crawl too 😅 But believe me, I would take THAT any day over what Lyle said towards Emily, "You like 'em young, eh?"//"So she's legal, now?"//*keeps touching Emily*//I'll let my new girlfriend explain."//"Your sick kid turned into this?"//"Well, I already paid for it." 🤢🤢🤢 Emily my girl I am so sorry. Lyle, I am going to throw you OUTTA THAT WINDOW MYSELF! YOU AND YOUR BOYS CAN COME CATCH THESE HANDS-

All in all, I loved this movie!!! I'm definitely gonna watch it again. And I need to re-read your 'Good day for it' content now, too XD

I could not wait to answer this Sarah. So hi, I'm reporting from the trenches bus stop XD

I'm so jazzed you watched the movie and liked it!!! YES!! I'm absolutely hyperfixated at the moment XD

Right?? I thought it was gonna take forevor to get through it when I started it but the pace was actually really good?? Nothing in it seems like boring filler- and if it is slow, it's just building up tension! XD

I'm also bummed there isn't any more ): I guess though it's a good thing, cuz Norman-Dale-and-Wayne wouldn't be in it ):): (well... maybe Wayne. I HAVE THEORIES. yes they live in the bickerman twins au.)

Yesssss, it has a happy ending and I'm so happy for it XD Happy endings are so underrated 😅😆😄 Just let them be happy!!! Let there be some optimism that they'll get it together and fix everything and everything can be forgiven and everything will be good ^^ 💛💛💛

YES ROSE AND HEC!!! OH MY GOODNESS. THEY ARE THE KINDA PROTAG/SIDE CHARACTERS I LOVE. The well-meaning banter?? The old married couple vibes spliced with the hard-to-get/trying forevor combination??? WAHH!! They're so good XDD I love how Hec is flirty but he's not creepy or threatening. Rose can say no as many times as she likes and he'll make her laugh <3 And- when he came to be Rose's back up against Wayne and Dale??? AGH I was so nervous for them both but so happy to see him come XDD

And the fact that the Sheriff is basically their son??? XDDDD I just thought I'd chuck that in.

... I TOTALLY CALLED IT!! I KNEW YOUR FAVOURITE WAS GONNA BE NORMAN XDD (and yes, that's Richard Brake which means it is absolutely Foxy XD ) I need to make more gifs of that man for you XD He is so pretty <3 And yes- s o in control. That bit where he warns Hec and Rose and Luke that t h e y don't want any trouble?? JEEZ, MAN, BE CAREFUL OF MY DAMN OVARIES, WILL YA??

I was totally about to say 'actually, miraculously my favourite is not the robert englund character this time, i like dale', but i couldn't even think it XD I am s o into Dale for some reason, but 'Dale' kept on getting autocorrected to 'Wayne' when I was drafting this responce in my head XD I obviously love Wayne 🙄😅 (he's under jim and stuart though... but, still, above ink and buckman which is saying something), and YES! YOU'RE RIGHT!! THAT IS OUR PATTERN!! Haha 🤣🤣🤣 I love that XDDD Who is next on our raydar?? 🤔🤔🤔 XD Hmmm XD

'I wish I watched this movie sooner so I could appreciate your writing of them more!' oh there will be more. dont you worry. i have so much in my head; its like when I was into Mr Snake and I kept churning out ideas for him every night XD Wayne x Reader's, Dale x Reader's, N o r m a n x readers... 👀*pointed look at you* // *cough* also Poly!Wayne x Reader x Dale x Norman.

Omg... right??? XDD I've been thinking about Wayne getting the plate, too 🤣 Its too funny. Thats a bit I really wanna gif. When I first watched I honestly I kept thinking we were gonna get a post credits scene of him getting up and brushing the plate bits off himself, chuckling. I've been spoiled by Lake Placid XD

'AND FINALLY'-- I DUNNO ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE BUT I FOR ONE WAS NOT MENTIONING THAT B E C A U S E ITS SO MUCH WORSE 🤣😭🤣😭🤣 Oh my lordddd. At least Wayne's entertaining. Lyle is pure terror. I keep fantasising about him saying horrible things like that to me and one of the others sticking up for me~~ 💛💕^^💕💛 I m u s t admit though- god is that actor good. Oh my god. My skin was crawling and I wanted to punch him. That is g o o d shit. The twisted little creature writer in me is loving it; she wants more. Like with Otis. I'm thinking oh s h i t oh shit oh shit, this writer isn't pulling any punches. I kneel. I just think its s u c h an art, to make horrible disgusting characters and thats why I get SO PUMPED when someone compliments my ability to make my characters gross XD ITS JUST??? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh XDDD I cant even. But yes- Lyle's lines.

They're terrible XD I WILL JOIN YOU. LETS KICK HIS ASS.

I'm soooooo glad you loved the movie!! It, and Titanic, are my current hyperfixation's so its a good thing you got on board- its gonna be all over your dash and notifs for a bit XD Do you wanna be tagged for Norman content? XD

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Hi, I have an interesting question, What do you think of Crossover ships/crack ships? and if you have any, can you list your top 5?

Most, if not all of my ships are crossover/crack ships!! XDD Here are some:

Jennifer Check and Inkubus. It's a platonic ship! I just want them to be sex demon besties XD Not only are they the same species but I think their dynamic would be good XD She's quite a new demon and he' a very old one- but she's not the type to admire him for it XD Or try to learn from him. She'd be constantly making fun of him for being an old dude (which I'm sure he would just l o v e 😆) and he thinks she's kinda naive-- but they both agree that everyone else (any other horror villain) is a fool with absolutely no style or good looks XD

Chucky x Michael Myers x Tiffany Valentine XD I just think the dynamic here, between a psycho married couple and Michael, who's so different to them as he's quiet and methodical (while also immature and a dumbass in his own way XD ), but also who has been a Slasher for a similar amount of time as Chucky, would also be a fantastic dynamic XD The braincell would definitely shift between them. Plus, I really wanna explore how Michael would be as a trouble making 'Uncle' type-person to Glenn and Glenda XDD

Stu Macher x Carrie White x Thomas Hewitt!! Ahhhh. I just think?? They would be??? So amazing???? We have two different dynamics here. 1. Popular confident goofy guy x shy quiet bullied characters. And 2. Fan (the popular confident goofy guy) x Icons (the shy quiet bullied characters). I think these two ship tropes mix so well together XD

Jerry Dandridge x Patrick Bateman. I just think charming secure vampire x fake insecure psychopathic human is a really fun idea XDD Jerry would constantly be trying to calm down his beautiful, delicate human boyfriend Patrick (sometimes he's successful- he knows what's important to Patrick, a.k.a his image, and exploits it) while they both agree with eachother that everyone else in the horror house is an idiot XD (similar to the succubus/inccubus brotp XD )

... does my Bickerman Twins AU count? It's not shippy, but it is crack and a crossover. I just love the idea of Jim Bickerman and Wayne Jackson being excommunicated twins XD The more I think about it, the more alike they are!!

What do you think?? ^^ Also, what crack ships do you have!! ? 💛💛💛 Thank you for the indeed interesting question!

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... by the way I kinda wanna play with the bickerman twins au again... I wanna add tiffany valentine as their younger sister please... thanks...

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Jim Bickerman + Wayne Jackson *Separately* x Reader || Drabble Set

Plot: Part One.

The hospital wont let you in to see him!! You're not related, so they wont even give you any important information. You're about to blow a blood vessel just to get behind those mysterious double doors and find him yourself. As a last resort, you call the dumbass brother back up and demand he come and get you in.

*Bickerman Twins AU.

Warnings: Frustrated!Tense!Reader. Angst. Hospital angst. Unedited, I sleepy.

Whaaat?? Writing semi-serious romantic fiction for two Robert Englund characters that like 4-5 people on Tumblr are interested in?? *avoiding eyecontact by staring at a rock* not meeee...

Calling Jim to come see (Your ex) Wayne:

You're already annoyed having to be here in the first place, getting dragged off your couch after work because ex as done something dubious (Probably) and gotten himself hospitalised and made you worried sick. You're even more frustrated when no one here will answer any of your questions.

He's stable, they say. Yes, you respond in an irritated tone. But what does that m e a n?? Is going to get better or is he c o m f o r t a b l e? As in, dying but without the pain.

Every time someone says We cant hand out any further information without a relative, you want to crush something.

You try to tell yourself they're just doing their jobs, because they are and you respect that, but its Wayne.

And he's not allowed to die, yet. Not without your permission. No way. He wouldn't dare. Bastard.

Finally you leave the waiting room and stand outside in the cold night time air to dial your recent call. Jim picks up after 2 rings, but he doesn't sound all there, this time. Great.

"Hey, Jim."

"Oh Y/N! Nice to hear your voice, sweetcheeks. How are you, hm??"

"Well, not great." You respond bluntly, glancing at the glowing red and white sign above the emergency room entrance. "... Look, I'm not calling to chat. They're not telling me anything because I'm not family, so you're going to have to get over your family drama and get over here, now. Okay??"

"... get to where?"

You have no patience for Jim's drunk bullshit right now. "The hospital where your brother is laying somewhere possibly dying. That place. Ring a bell??"

"... vaguely." He sounds like he definitely remembers, but would prefer not to. Not because he's worried about Wayne, but because its an added irritation sprinkled on top of what is already what you assume to be a failure of a day. Like a gross fly hanging around your head on a sweltering hot day.

"Wonderful. So??"

"So what."

"jIM!"

The screech in your voice hurts his ears, thats evident by the groan he gives, but it wakes him up at least. "Okay, okay- I get it, I heard you, yeah. Uh-... Y'want me to come talk to the doctors about Wayne... Um... I would... but...- "

"Oh no!" You snap. "No buts!"

"... but- "

"No!" You insist, shaking your head. "He is possibly dying, Jim- or dead, since I last asked. And maybe you don't want anything to do with him anymore, which I understand since he's a pain in the ass, but I- " Something in you clenches and you take a deep breath to steady yourself. To stop yourself from crying. You're keeping it together, god-fucking-damnit. "But I don't care. Scrape your pathetic drunk ass off whatever sticky bar stool you're currently wasting away on and come visit your brother, or visit a nice lady in deaths reception- because if you don't come here I will send you there myself. I don't care, but either way, make your decision-- NOW!"

Then you hang up, and take another deep breath; crisp air filling up your lungs and making you feel dizzy. "... I need fries." You finally sigh out when the anger thins out leaving behind just the exhaustion, turning heavily on your aching feet back towards the door. Drenched in tomato sauce.

Mmm...

After you methodically emptied 5 packets of ketchup onto your stale, lukewarm hospital cafeteria fries and eaten one- you can feel your entire body coming back to life. If only to tell you how achy you are from work and then getting here and stressing so bad the whole way. Calm down, its yelling at you. And with the salty chippies in front of you and the taste of tomato sauce on your tongue, you almost do.

... But then you remember how badly you want to see Wayne okay, and how it surprised you how hard this hit you even after all this time. You made him leave back then; you got away just in time, before you became a casualty in his terrible life. You did the smart thing. You're the smart one! You've always been the smart one; you practically had no choice.

But apparently not all of you is smart.

Letting out a slow breath through your nose, you lean your forehead into you the heels of your hands, elbows on the table.

When your phone buzzes you manage to wrangle it out of your pocket and chuck it on the table, weakly opening it up and sighing as you read your notification.

Give me a few hours.

You can pay me in bourbon.

Slowly you type out a thank you.

Calling Wayne to come see (Your ex) Jim:

After you hang up on Reba (You annoyed the nurse enough that she called the woman who dropped Jim off so she could speak to you- and that was Reba. But she told you that he got half eaten up by a giant fucking crocodile and now you don't feel any better), you get out your own phone and unblock Wayne's number- then press call before you can back out of it, and wait impatiently for him to answer.

It takes him 6 awful rings, but just when you're ready to curse him out of pure frustration (And tiredness- it took a lot longer to get here then you first thought. Its 4am, now.) he picks up. 'Hello'-ing you like he doesn't know who this is. Whether he does or not you roll your eyes and mimic him with all the restrained annoyance of a sneering 5-year-old. "hElLo. Wayne! Its me again."

"Oh, well hey. Uh, you seen him yet?"

"No!!" You cry, frustrated and forgetting for a second that he doesn't actually care. "They wont let me, I'm not family." When he merrily hums into the receiver, like he's not really paying attention (like instead of sympathising with you over his brother being in hospital, he's flicking through a newspaper or taking a sip of lukewarm coffee) you breath in a sharp, clipped breath. Right. You're alone. "Anyway- come here."

He perks up immediately on his end of the line. "Heheh, oh?? Well, this is sudden, but uh... sure. Something I said resonated with you, huh?"

"I need you to come and get information about Jim. Get me into the room. You're his brother."

"... oh."

"Please."

"Ehhhh... you know; I'm kinda busy... "

Ughhh- "You are not!" You snap, sounding petulant. You don't care, you're tired... and you're worried... and you suddenly cant remember why you left Jim because you need him to be okay so bad that your chest hurts. You've been trying not to stop this whole time, bothering nurses with phone calls and eventually your face for hours, because if you don't you might cry. After a moment, and he doesn't respond, you take a deep breath and force yourself to sound calm. You know you sound psychotic but at this point you don't really care. You turn away from other people in the busy waiting room. "Wayne- Believe me, if you do not get your crusty ass into a car, or a plane, or a train, or a really fast bus and help me, then I am going to track you down, and get you. Trust me, I have the annual leave lined up. I will find you, and not even Lyle will be able to save you."

"See, now, I'm kinda intrigued~ Maybe I want you to come get me, huh sweetheart?"

"I will squeeze you so hard the little hole your blanks come out of closes up for good, Wayne."

"Jesus- "

"Hop to it! Now!" You snap, then hang up and go get a shot of chocolate from a vending machine. Clearly, you need it.

When you finally sit down 10 minutes later in the cafeteria, a coffee and a crumbly brownie in front of you, you give a sigh and stretch your legs out under the wobbly table. You know somewhere in this hospital Jim and he might be dying, and thats a nightmare coming to life that you're not mature enough- not equipped enough- to deal with.

When your phone vibrates in your pocket your pull it out and read the text with heavy, tired eyes.

On my way. Lyle's real mad. Get ready to give me a big kiss hello, sugar.

Slowly you let out a deep, relieved breath.

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How's the hyperfixation on Good Day for It going? (:

Oh, the spirit of the hyperfixation is very much alive, thank you for asking XD I've started The Librarians solely because Christian Kane (Dale in Good Day For It) plays a main character XD I'm really really liking it though ^^

I have a few fic ideas for them too that's entertaining me XDD Of course, more Bickerman Twins AU, but also some needlessly wholesome stuff I can't get outta my head at the moment XDD

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Jim Bickerman + Wayne Jackson *Separately* x Reader || Drabble Set

Plot: This is a Vs set. Its Jim calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Wayne) out of the hospital Vs Wayne calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Jim) out of the hospital.

*Bickerman Twins AU.

Warnings: Sexual references in Drabble #2. Movie spoilers? These are both set post-movie (Final Chapter for Jim).

Jim calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Wayne) out of the hospital:

"-Y'ello?" You ask quickly, tucking the phone between your shoulder and your ear as you awkwardly unlock your front door and slip into your apartment; chucking your keys onto the coffee table and flopping into the couch to rest as soon as you make it inside. My god you had a long day. You just want to lay down, put on a true crime doc and order pizza the rest of the night.

"Hey, s'this Y/N?"

"Yes," you sigh, leaning up off the cushions and reaching for the TV remote set on the counter. "Who's this?" The voice is quiet and tinny; there's very terrible reception wherever they are, thats for sure.

"Hey, there, Y/N its Jim."

Immediately you drop the remote and straighten your spine; going into serious mode. "Oh. What is it?"

"Well thats not a nice tone."

"You never call with good news. Where's Wayne?" Usually he's in jail again, or he needs money. Its one of the two, and you always have to go and get him. The cops always call his brother- but Jim calls and brushes off the responsibility onto you. Every time.

Which is ridiculous, considering you aren't even with Wayne, anymore. Thats what friggen breaking up means!- you don't have to deal with the restless old bastards crap, anymore!

Or at least thats what you thought- before you met these people.

"Yeahhhh, thats actually what I wanted t' call, about... "

"Why, I'm shocked." You huff, shaking your head and kicking off your work shoes before getting up to put on comfier ones- sneakers. Once again you tuck the phone in between your ear and your shoulder as you tie them up. "So, what's wrong; where is he?"

"Wayne's, uh- well, he's- he's-- He's in the hospital." Any frustration you were feeling slips away from you like smoke through your fingers, your heart thudding in your chest. He's where!?- "I haven't been by, but I've been told its lookin' pretty bad. Got hit in the head with somethin- 'nd they thought he was already dead, apparently." When Jim doesn't hear a word come from your end of the phone for a few too many moments (You wouldn't be surprised if he could hear your heart beating so loudly, though. You can sure hear it hot in your ears), he has the good sense at least to employ a tiny bit of tact. "... but, uhhh- I'm sure he'll be fine,.. We uh- we Bickerman's are a tad stubborn, so... "

Finally, you gather your wits about you once again and take a deep breath, nodding and grabbing a notepad and pen off the coffee table by the remote. You may not be with Wayne anymore, but- "Thanks Jim. What hospital? I'm going right now." But if he needs you, you have to be there. You really liked (loved) the rowdy old bastard once, after all, and you like to pretend you're over it, but-

After he gives you the address, and before you have a chance to hang up (Leaving Jim to go right back to hunting whatever expensive endangered wildlife in the middle of nowhere that he's definitely not supposed to be hunting), he pipes up again real quick. You're not really listening though, already configuring in your head the rout you're going to have to take to get to this hospital. How long is going to take? Can you call the hospital on the way?? Oh, shoot, you're not his emergency contact anymore- "And hey- I promise, next time I'll call for a nice reason. Hm?~"

"Oh, sure." You roll your eyes sarcastically, hanging up and shaking your head. Most of the time you think Jim's the slightly better brother- then he says something like that and you remember they're not that different. Wayne's just more upfront about it.

After switching coats, you head right back out your front door that you just came through and down to your car again.

But- maybe you aren't as over it as you like to think you are.

Wayne calling you to go check your dumbass ex (Jim) out of the hospital:

"This is Y/N! Make it succinct and if at all possible make it chipper, I'm about to get on a bus and go to work." You quip, answering your phone with a cheery voice which should not be possible on this frosty 6am morning- but hey, its a wonder what you can accomplish after a g i a n t coffee with 6 sugars and 3 marshmallows.

"Well hey there, Y/N~ You still taken the bus? Y'know I could give ya a ride if you want~ "

As soon as you hear that bastard's voice on the other end you take the phone away from your ear and hang up- because nope. No. You do not need to be sexually harassed by Wayne Jackson today; no amount of pink marshmallows covered in coffee will make that fun for you.

'we're twins, we've got the same equipment you know' oh har har har. You roll your eyes upwards, before shaking yourself of the memory. You didn't have to put up with that when you were with Jim- and you certainly don't have to, now. Didnt he get the news?? You're done. Its done. Its been done for 3 weeks now.

And its been hard! You loved Jim, so- yes. Its been hard. But even so, you know that you made the right decision in leaving, you're s u r e, but the absolute LAST thing you need is Wayne dumping an extra pile of crap on you for you to deal with! No thank you!

-your phone is ringing again, goddamnit.

"Ughhhhhh," You pick it up, pressing the screen to your ear and snapping an irritable "What!?" into the reciever.

"Alright alright alright- don't hang up on me again, huh? I got news."

"Is it that you're moving to Australia and losing my number that you stole out of Jim's phone?? Because- great."

"Not exactly... " You can picture him scratching his beard, and roll your eyes. Can he hurry up?? Your bus is a few minutes away and you'd rather not be talking to him where early morning commuters can hear you- those poor sods don't deserve to hear the foul things that are destined to come out of your mouth all depending on where he goes with this. "Uh- my brother is... "

"Your brother is what? The better Bickerman son? Yes, we can agree, though we all know Nathan takes home the trophy. Can we hang up now?- "

"He's in some bad shape." ... Your brain stops working for a moment. What? "I got a call from a hospital back in Maine and, well," A chuckle reverberates through the phone connection and you're not sure whether its just nervous or he's really that horrible, but either way- it makes you feel sick. "Sounds like people might finally be able to tell us apart. I'll be the handsome one~ I figured you might like to know 'bout it."

... Slowly, you step back from the bus stop, forgetting your urgency to catch this bus and get to work. Your head is swimming. What happened?? Maine??? Thats where Delores lived, and- got eaten by- "... what hospital?"

"Oh, you're gonna go visit? How sweet~ And here I thought you left him and I finally had a shot here~ "

"Wayne."

"... "

"Wayne!"

"Fine, fine, fine. Its- "

As soon as the name of the hospital is out of his mouth, you hang up, block the number and order an uber.

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Hum hum hum... something about an au where Jim Bickerman and Wayne Jackson are twin brothers and Wayne got disowned and excommunicated from the Bickerman side cuz he truly sucks/genuine reasons (which yes, makes Jim the good twin 😅😬 Oof.) so he ended up working for family on their Dads side- the Tyrus's.

... Hmmmm XD