#Beyond that there could slang the actual words from this language or the wrong way of building sentences I think

[lieutenant-amuel]

Hmm, I have a question.

Does it make sense to convey that a character speaks with an accent in writing?

[langernameohnebedeutung]

Is it bad to have an accent ? I’m studying English at uni and all my teachers say I have to work on my accent and adopt an RP or GA accent because having an accent is bad and terrible . I have a pretty thick French accent and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to correct it and it’s making me feel very self-conscious so I almost never talk , which affect my performance in class .

Seeeee..........the thing is, there is this ideal. This gold-standard: The accent-free foreigner. (And if you do have an accent it better be from a rich white country and it better be barely noticeable and you won’t mind if someone is creepy about it)  And many learners ascribe to that ideal as well. And honestly, it doesn’t go anywhere, as far as I’m concerned. There are just very little professions where you will profit from not having an accent outside of people being happy about it. There is no practical gain. Unless you want to become an actor or a spy or the Queen’s professional doppelgänger.

So, to make this short, it’s not bad to have an accent as far as I’m concerned and your teachers sound like dicks tbh. 

We often complain about native-speakers who are rude about people’s accents or mistakes when they only know one language themselves. But I think it’s time to address that: ESL-speakers do it too - in fact, I would say that especially among people from countries where fluency in English is expected for  the younger generation, it is very common to lash out against people from the same community who have a thicker accent when they speak English and to make fun of them. And that’s just as rude as when a native speaker does it or when you make fun of anyone else for doing something you excel at.

On the personal note: You can only do something about accent if you speak and if you’re getting berated for the way you speak and that keeps you from speaking - then you’re not going to improve. It’s fair for a teacher to point out how to pronounce a word or to point out if someone’s grammar is wrong - but I study English too and while we had to stick to a specific variety when writing (either American or British), we were never told how to speak beyond pointing out mistakes in classes that were about language proficiency. And most people do improve over time, simply because their studies expose them to a lot of spoken English. I would meet people from my first semesters again in higher semesters and note how they have become more fluent and made less mistakes. Personally, I would try speaking to at least the lecturers you think might react decently about it that you’re working on it (whether you are or not) and that for that you need to speak and right now this kind of feed-back is making you more anxious about speaking and whether they would mine focusing their criticism on more structural aspects of your speaking.

As far as accents or being “accent-free” is concerned-  

I don’t even think it’s something that all speakers should aspire to. And even if someone’s end goal is to speak perfect RP or GA, that should be their personal goal. Many people uphold this strange notion of purity when it comes to people learning a language where everyone should aspire to be “accent-free” or “sound like a native-speaker”. And I guess it makes sense if you’re teaching someone how to speak that language as a beginner. It makes sense to show  them how to pronounce words and how sounds work in that language. If you have a person sitting in front of you who doesn’t speak English, it makes sense to stick to one version instead of saying “wa-t-er” in one lesson and “wadder” in the next or “caahn’t” in one sentence and “cèèn’t”in the next. It gives them a certain structure, helps them tell one variety from the other and to avoid confusion. Not to mention that if someone wants to study English they are expected to write their papers and essays in one variety of English so it makes sense that they know the general rules of telling them apart or recognizing or recognising how a word would be spelt or spelled. 

But when you finally become more fluent, you still have an accent and you still might not be perfect recognising one variety from the other. There are people who live in a foreign country for the majority of their lives but you can still tell where they come from. 

But the question is...who cares?

Don’t get me wrong, if someone wants to put their effort into learning a specific variety perfectly, I don’t see anything wrong with it and if they accomplish that - it’s quite some feat and it’s cool. Commendable. But the truth is that we all have accents. Even in our native languages, we speak in a regional accent, we probably have specific slang-words that are particular to some group. Age, class, sex, gender, education, interests - there are thousands of factors  that determine the way we speak. And it’s the same for native English speakers. There are hundreds of versions to speak English. 

I actually once took part in a public speaking class and the woman who held that class was a logopaedics trainer. And she could tell by the way people spoke and moved their mouth while speaking whether they used to wear braces, which parent they had a closer relationship with and other things. The way we speak - and the way we aspire to speak - is an important aspect of our personality and who we are and where we come from and personally, I don’t see the value of erasing that. It’s like a hand-writing and no one would tell you to alter your handwriting until you write in Times New Roman or Arial.

The thing is, when Anglos complain that they don’t understand a Scottish person or an Irish person or some other regional dialect, that is because that person grew up speaking a particular variety of English in a specific community. But for someone who isn’t a native speaker, they learn English in a community with a different native language - which means we simply speak that language with them (unless it’s for practice or a joke). I learnt English in a German school among kids with German accents and German language-habits - and teachers who had the same accent and the same habits and one who pronounced “wipe” as “whip”. And you probably learnt it in a French-speaking school among kids with French accents and French language-habits. So there is practically no way for any of us to leave school without speaking in that respective accent. But unlike a Scottish person or an Irish person, we didn’t speak that variety of English with our peers. We spoke our our native language. And I think that’s the difference for most people - that one group has a native community to fall back on and the other doesn’t, so the second one should aspire to imitating a native-speaker instead of adding another variety to the mix. 

Also you’re just as likely to speak English with people from any other European country (who also have their own accent and speaking-habits) as with a native speaker, so it’s not like you’re only going to be exposed to people who light you the way to a native accent. I remember when I made this post about “Euro-English” and people from absolutely random countries with different native languages all commented with: “No this is definitely how we speak, this is definitely our variety of English!” - meaning there are also a lot of unifying factors there too, based on our language families and cultural similarities - and how many people are there speaking like that? Hundreds of millions, probably.

Someone once pointed out to me that there are more Germans who speak English than there are Canadians. And you can do that maths  for a lot of countries: There are more Norwegians or Swiss people who speak English than people from the Republic of Ireland. There are more French people who speak English than there are Australians. That means with the exception of Americans, we outnumber people from the countries these “ideal” accents come from. And in fact, how many British people speak RP? How many Americans speak GA? And that’s just looking at western countries. There are so many varieties of English spread around the globe due to colonialism. It’s ridiculous to expect the entire world to sound like the Queen. In the end, each version is their own variety and just because it doesn’t have a native community to fall back on, I think it’s harmful to treat it as something only worth of erasing when a person’s English skills are a factor in professional success and social standing even in the community they come from.

English is the current lingua franca - a language that non-native speakers communicate in. And as I said, it makes sense to teach it in a specific way and to teach it the dialects that exist - because if everyone would just make up their own version of English, we wouldn’t understand each other and might as well not have bothered learning English in the first place. But you don’t need to have a cut-glass accent to accomplish that or aspire to have one.   

And this brings me to what I think should be the central question: 

What do you want to use your English for?

See, I did mention that if you want to become a British spy or play a British role as an actor or be the Queen’s bodyguard slash doppelgänger (a film I would watch) - then it would probably pay off to master a specific native accent as well as possible. (That said, there are enough British actors who get roles as Americans and vice-versa who don’t fool anyone and there are a lot of skills other than a specific accent that you would need to master each one). 

But those are jobs where you actively have to shed your own identity. That’s the point. You have to pretend to be a native speaker. But that’s not what you do in every-day life. In fact, most people you will interact with will probably know you’re French from the social context you are in or because it comes up in conversation, so beyond being a neat party trick, I don’t see what purpose having an RP or GA accent has here.

Of course, you might want to become a teacher, in which case, it would be important to have a specific pronunciation - but also all English teachers I had had German accents and I wouldn’t say that they would have been a million times better at teaching if they hadn’t had that - it’s far more important to know how to teach, to understand the grammar and vocabulary and to help your students to improve themselves and to understand why people speak the way they do.

You might want to be a journalist - if your interview-partner understands you and you can write in English, it’s fulfilling its purpose. If you want to work in a specific field - for example become a doctor in an English-speaking country - it’s important that your patients understand you and that you know your medical terms, but you don’t need Received Pronunciation. If you want to go into tourism, a bit of a foreign accent might actually come across as more authentic and desirable. 

So I think the central question is whether the English you speak right now serves its purpose for what you want it to - or if it is at odds with what you want to do with it.

If your accent wouldn’t pose a problem for you, then my profeschionel opinion is to fuck ‘em haters. Do what you like.  If you want to work on your accent: Do it. If you don’t: Don’t. 

But...if you feel like the way you speak English now would cause you difficulties in your job or every-day life later on - then I think the best thing to do would be to look into the specific skills you need and to invest your energy into acquiring these skills. Whether that is a specific jargon specific to one field or translate very quickly - or whether you really need to learn RP or GA. If you take a professional interpreter for example, many of them do lean to a specific variety, but have accents. It can’t be so heavy that it’s difficult to understand them, but their work requires skills beyond having a specific pronunciation. 

So erm...those where just my 2 cents on accents.

If you do want to change something about your accent - maybe even just to get your teachers off your case - I recommend listening to native speakers and particular, sticking to one variety you prefer. If you are already fluent and you understand them, your brain is very quick to pick up on dialects. (You know the thing where you watch someone speak in a specific dialect and for a while after you find yourself saying things in that dialect? The brain is very fast too do that and it also works in English, even if you don’t internalise it immediately and it feels artificial at first). Also don’t be afraid of speaking to yourself to practice. Obviously, speaking to others is important (and if you’re self-conscious or you are worried about your teacher commenting on it, maybe try asking a friend or sibling or someone to speak English with you or see if you can find a learning buddy) but I think talking to oneself can also be helpful. Because you are not trying to get a point across as you would in a conversation or have to focus on the words you are saying. You can focus on your accent and the way you speak and I think that is an important aspect when it comes to accents: Knowing your accent. Being aware of the way you pronounce words. You know the thing where you try pronouncing a word but you can never quite get there - much less if you’re trying to speak quickly or in a sentence? - It really helps to pay attention to the differences between the way you say it and a native speaker says it. Also if there is word you don’t know or that you aren’t used to hearing out loud  and you encounter it in the wild like a video or a film - it really helps to stop it and to pronounce it to yourself.

But generally, you cannot change the way you speak over night, even if you do it. It’s something that takes time and effort and it might never work completely. So really, I would focus on what you want to accomplish with your English and what future use you see for it - and focus on your strength as well, the things you’re good at. And in the short-term, I would try convincing the teachers that you are working on it but that their current course of action is actually making it more difficult for you.

[wispandwhispers]

Moonboy

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Notes: I finally fucking wrote something, hallelujah! Anyway this is a one shot that got streched because , yes?

Words: 1907

Pairings: Prinxiety, Logicality, dukeceit that could be romantic or platonic idk

Tw(s): Sexual references and implied content, no smut though, cursing, threats, remus being remus

The night was dark, but not the type of dark that you would fear, the type that was comforting and was not frightful. And out of that dark he came.

The dark of the second floor corridor, but still dark.

"Ok 3Q, this is Virgil Lunapuer, Virgil this is..."

It didn't matter what Ms Quill said next, Roman was too focused on what sounded better, Virgil Xia or Roman Lunaper.

He stared at the new member of their class taking in his hair that was made out of the night sky but seemed to radiate some sort of light that was intoxicating . Taking in his eyes are hypnotising and they are endless pools precious stones that glisten. Taking in his-

A snap of fingers.

"Ro are you the-"

"Jan, do you think that  Xia sounds nice, I think it sounds nice, doesn't it sound nice.."

"Remus, did you spike drink his in the morning?"

"Not today at least.."

"...Oh God, your in love aren't you?"

"Yeah, Rem has eaten a pet dove..." And Roman was back to day dreaming about the new kid's face the calm but elegant beauty of it, how can he even be real, his body seemed so ..so...ma-

Roman's face got slapped by a semi gloved hand.

"Quill is calling you!" The slapped snapped back into focus, eyes widening and refocusing.

"Yeah, Miss." 'Miss' currently was pinching the bridge of her nose, looking like she was regretting all her life choices up to now ( That made sense, she did decide to go into teaching.)

"I'm buddying you up with Lunaper, do all that movie shit where you take him around the school and do that bonding fuckery or whatever." Virgil stood in front of his new guide with his hands in his pockets seeming not even focusing on him ,but his eyes were glued in a sideways position .

Oh god, I'm too gay, I'm too fucking gay for this, someone come and fucking help me.

No ,you can do this Roman. You can woo him. Your are Roman Xia . You can-

"Um, hi Roman."

Nope. I do not fucking have this. I am doomed. Can you die from a overdose of gay? I think you can. I am going to die.

"Are you ok?"

" Um, yeah.. yeah I was just going to that you are looking lovely today."

"..Oh my, that was really bad but-"

The ringing of the bell surrounded the room.

"Get out of classroom."

Virgil turned to Roman.

"So you're guiding me?"

(Janus walked up to his homeroom teacher's desk. "Quill, are you even allowed to curse in class?")

("Janus, do you remember I know what you did on Sunday evening?")

("...Truce?")

("Truce.")

******

The stream of feral adolescents filled the corridor. Shoving and pushing began as the students rushed their way over to their first period classes.

Somehow in the chaos, Virgil and Roman managed to stay together.

 "Um, so, what do you like to do?"

The journey to second period would take about two minutes because the class was at the other side of campus, the guided concluded it would be a good time to break the ice.

"Oh, I really love theatre and just musicals in general, maybe it's because of my childhood Disney obsession-"

The jocks barge through the crowd.

"No, that definitely explains why you are currently wearing propaganda-"

"Merchandise-"

Everyone parts like the red sea for the resident Heathers.

"It's going to a multi-trillion-dollar corporation  that has a very solid grasp on the younger generation perception of entertainment and what is right and wrong. It's propaganda princey."

He gave me a nickname. He gave me a nickname! 

"Why princey ?"

Virgil made a sharp turn to face him.

"You're a Disney loving thespian, you just seem like the type to envision yourself as a prince.."

Virgil gave a small smirk/smile (Roman couldn't tell and it didn't matter. His heart skipped a beat either way.) to his guide and put his ear bud back in.

******

"Janus Vale?"

"Present."

"Remus Xia?"

"Not here, in the principle's office for something."

"Thank you, Janus, Roman Xia?"

"Here, sir!"

("Wait, that kid in the green denim jacket with the attempt at a moustache is your brother?")

"Ruth Yillton?"

("Twin brother actually.")

"I'm alive, I guess?"

(Virgil looked at Roman with a surprised face. "The one who offered to give a senior a blowjob in the middle of the hallway.")

"Nyx Yonder?"

("Yeah, I'm not sure how I'm related to him either." Roman started to doodle idly in the margin of his book.)

"You can see me."

( Roman noticed Virgil peering over at his book with a sly eye, seemed to acknowledge something and focus back on his music, bobbing to the beat with a quiet tap of his sneaker.)

"Remington  Zenith."

Virgil stopped tapping his foot in response the student's name. The class was silent.

("Why did you stop tapping your foot?")

("You noticed me tap my foot?")

("No-t-h-h-ing, I meant why did you peer up your head like a deer in headlights?" And for one second, while the that his eyes flickered with colours that he could even describe. But it was just one second. Could of been an illusion.)

(" Nothing, it's just that's the name of my cousin.")

Don't panic yet. People have same names.

"Well if no one knows where Remin-"

"Morning bitches!"

("Huh, I was right.")

Dammit.

"Remington, you are five minutes late, where is your slip?"

A piece of discarded paper flew at the teachers face.

"Here you go.." The tardy walked to his seat at the front of the class.

Sir sighed.

"Class, Nyx is currently handing you back your tests graded, I'm just going to say that barely anyone of you got higher than a C and Janus meet me after class to discuss why you and Remus have both got an A+ despite you never being able to get anything higher than a D- ."

 ("Remington, move your shoes from the table.")

("No.")

("You are insufferable.")

("It is one of my talents.")

" As this is a revision lesson, you are allowed to talked to your peers."

And the classroom erupted into idle chatter (To be honest, why would teachers believe that students were actually going to talk about their scores and where they went wrong. They were obviously going to bitch and gossip about trivial shit.)

Both earbuds out.

"Well because this is my first day and I haven't got anything to look over, wanna talk?"

Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck yes Fuck ye-

"Sure."

******

"Beauty and the beast is not an allegory for Stockholm syndrome -"

"So please explain why Belle fell in love with a furry-"

"It's because she see the beast beyond outward, appearance and the fact she understands that there is something deeper inside, she can see it!"

And with that the eyes were back, the eyes that seem to contain whole nebulas and are ready to destroy everything and anything that disappeared in a second. And in a second it would be all that it took to make Roman dismiss the fact that his pencil once again was radiating the cosmic energy.

Well they did say that lightning not striking twice was a myth.

Virgil pulled him by his collar until they were at eye level with each other.

Stop thinking gay thoughts Roman.

"If you think you know anything about me, think if you value your life,"

He relinquished him just as the bell went.

"What's next princey?"

 What just happened?

******

The day went on with no other incidents, like the one that occurred in the classroom and the day had gone mostly smoothly.

Mostly.

Virgil talked to Roman significantly less after that experience, the ripples of whatever button he had pressed subliminally affecting their conversations.

Roman did learn that Virgil, like him, was a theatre kid but unlike his 'basic bitch musicals' ( Virgil's words, not his.)like Hamilton, Be More Chill and Dear Evan Hansen ;he listen too the folks who made A Very Potter Musical ( Roman forgot who made it though). He also figured out that he was quite anti-social and preferred to stay invisible.

By final bell, Roman thought he had bonded with the boy.

Just a few more steps and we will be married.

******

"Pa, do you believe in true love?"

Pa straightened his glasses which was currently focused at his email pileup . "No, I don't Roman, love takes time, trail and error, you have to find someone like you that you don't just love for outward appearance, it doesn't just happen."

"So how did you fall in love with Dad, someone who apologise to the coffee table when he bumped into it?"

"On rare occasions,  true love as you put it, can occur but I-," He looked up from his laptop. "Why are you even talking to me about stuff, you know your father is better with emotions and I'm better with logical things."

"Idk."

"Please don't speak to me in slang."

"Please never say slang."

******

" Dad, I think might be in love."

"Might, you were eye fucking him in class-"

"Remus, language!"

"English!"

"Anyway, there is this really cute boy who I'm guiding around the school and he likes the stuff I like and I really want to get to know him better but he got really angry at me and I don't know-"

Dad encased his son in a hug. " Look, if you are this in love with this boy that you only met so recently, just follow your heart, It's really and truly the only thing that can tell you what to do kiddo."

"Wow, that sounded really profound and wise, what have you done with my father?"

******

TheDuke: Hey

TheDuke:Hey

TheDuke:Hey

ThePrince: What do you want bro

TheDuke: You know Remy

ThePrince: How can I forget?

TheDuke: Well, Jan just sent me a video of him without his glasses on

ThePrince: Spill

TheDuke: Ok, so the file keeps on corrupting itself for some reason but his eyes are had this weird mystical vibe to it, it think I saw a cloud with 💤 in it

That reminds me of ..what? I can't remember in full but it has to do with Virgil.

ThePrince: Is that all had to show me?

TheDuke: Yeepers

ThePrince: Night brother

******

Roman was pissed that he woke up to say the least.

It didn't even get to the the really good bit...the fuck am I? Remus?

Roman turned to his phone to see that his usual flood of notifications was simplified down to two.

He checked it.

Anonymous: Do not fucking touch him or all of Sideton can see you spread his legs

Anonymous: [ Attached a file with the dream in word format.]

Roman screamed.

[biznichwrites]

Consider the following: our demon boy meeting a lady so in the modern era?

Points for originality bb :)

In a separate ask anon added details that the reader be American or European, have a defining feature seen as negative (I chose a scare because it's sad boi Sabito hours), a the reader in her young 20s

He's been alive for 100 or so years, so he's not the oldest demon out there but he's not a baby either

He's gained his human memories back fully but feels as if they are like an old dream or memories formed by stories someone told him. It's not like they are his own at times

He's seen a lot and the world has changed so much. He decided to wander the world and see beyond what he thought was possible. Eternity was going to be a sad, long forever if he didn't do something to entertain him

He met you in passing, actually while you were at work/running errands. Something about you made him take interest, particularly a scar across your cheek. It reminded him a bit of Sabtio, even if it wasn't in the same place

You happened to fumble what you were doing and were struggling to fix it, but he helped you. The first thing that struck you were his eyes. You'd never seen someone with such blue eyes in your life and mindlessly told him so before curling in on yourself in embarrassment. You gave him your number and ran off to regret your whole life somewhere else

He made his way into your life slowly, coming to visit and hang out with you. Sometimes he stressed about you finding out his secret or growing to hate him for what he is

So when he teased the subject of demons, specifically the type he is, you jokingly said it sounded like a vampire or something from Tokyo Ghoul. He didn't know if he even liked being compared to that subconsciously but he wasn't going to breathe a word of that to you. However it seemed the folklore of demons in your culture was focused around angry red beings with horns and a tail, poking people with a pitchfork after they died, so you didn't even consider demons real. 

Some things he did seemed off, but you assumed that it was because he wasn't from the same place you were. Probably the joys of a new culture and language right? Still, that didn't ease the weird feeling in your gut when he would show amazing strength. 

He goofed. He goofed so bad, but for a good reason. You were on a date, walking through the streets at night. He didn't think much of you having a few drinks but a stumble into the street was a problem. A car was coming and he had seen since their creation what they could do to someone if hit.

He snatched you up but the car hit his side. But he is a big boi and that bitch CRUMPLED UP big time. Like that car is totaled and at worst the both of you had some scratches. 

He prayed that you had drank too much to remember the next day but after a few days you brought it up, saying you KNEW you hadn't imagined it, after all you had bruises where he held you but he was fine. 

He had to admit what he was and it was an all day experience trying to pry it out of him. 

Demon boy didn't want to look in your eyes. It was going to be trouble. You were going to hate him or try to find a way to kill him. 

"You've never eaten anyone, have you?" 

That shocked him. But you explained your logic that if he wanted to hurt you, he could have done so a long time ago. And you dying that night would be an easy way to excuse your death. But he protected you. 

Over a few months he explained his old human life to you and to his surprise you were all ears. Every little thing he brought up interested you and he couldn't deny how happy it made him. 

You accepted him for what he is! And when you tell him you love him after everything he feels like he can die of joy

 He takes you back to his village, he shows you his old sword and everything he kept from his old life. He even puts his haori on you. 

Okay but since you're not Japanese he totally enjoys how much you struggle to put on a kimono. But before you get frustrated he will place and tie it correctly. And boom, it's old haori time and he loves it

Tbh he's gonna take you where his sister was supposed to be wed and ask you to marry him

He's busting out the sister/Sabito haori for the wedding and he's not even a little bit sorry. If finding someone else he loves so dearly isn't the occasion, then when would it be?

He never looks down on you for not having life experience. He's willing to teach you anything as long as you're willing. 

He's like an old man texting. He doesn't get it. In fact he will call you to reply to a text. He can't even believe phones work, much less cell phones, especially when you can send pictures. The internet is a scary place for him. It's pretty overwhelming and he find himself going down rabbit holes of information that just wasn't discovered before. 

He thinks the new generations are amazing. Look how much all of you have discovered! And how smart people are! So young! He's so proud of all of you. 

The moon landing rocked his world and he will tell you about it all the time. And medical cures, too. He gets pretty happy thinking about how humanity has helped itself so much. 

He doesn't really know how to drive tbh. He just never learned. You have to teach him technology, or how to best use it. He will grumble when he thinks it makes no sense and nope out if he can. Don't let him. 

Call him grandpa Giyuu, it'll motivate him to get "lit" with the new times. 

Giyuu using slang. Wrong. Every damn time. "It's litty 5000 in here". He's trying to say it's hot. "Dunk on the haters, drip drip" means don't let them talk bad about your clothes. It's a fucking comedy show. There's a theory he does it bad on purpose to make you laugh but it's not confirmed. 

Calls Twitter "Twatter" with a straight face

He thought that thots were animals. He was wondering why it's always breeding season for them. 

He can speak many languages but he mixes then together because he didn't use anything but Japanese for so long. Every time he says "nein" for no you play the Inglorious Bastards clip. 

One last thing for sad boi hours: as you get older he will use what powers he has to age with you so you don't feel bad. He really does want to grow old with you.

[lordmartiya]

Fox Rain chapter 03

@lilanette-week

@supermenteuse

@emblian

@starcrossed-stardust

I’m back! Sorry for the delay, but I needed to find information on foreign etiquette-and writing it was absurdly hard. Anyway, I started writing this chapter after the first episode of season 3. I will take some hints from that, but I still remain of the opinion I had when I started writing this: that Lila, when she first appeared, wasn’t evil. That, and in her months of absence she had been the target of a very experienced manipulator capable of using excessive means (seriously, financing a movie just to piss Lila off at the right moment?!)… And today we have the decisive moment. What, at least in my version, would have started pushing Lila toward the one villain that Papillon cannot control, but, due different circumstances, has a completely different outcome.

Chapter 03: Her Holyland

“Salima, was Vorpika hidden inside a half-Klingon, half-duck creature?!”

“I suppose we could call it that, y-”

The suite’s phone ringed, prompting Salima to distract herself-just long enough for her charge to leave.

Natalie took the pre-paid SIM card out of the old burner dumbphone, broke it, and threw it in the public thrash bin. It had done its job to try and isolate Lila Rossi from her oldest friend, and no matter if it worked or not it wouldn’t do to risk it being traced back to her. She had made the call from her car as she went to work for that reason, after all.

As she prepared to go back to Agreste’s mansion she started hoping it would work. She was painfully aware of how they were acting, and would be rather infuriating if it failed.

“WHO IN THE FUCKING WORLD WAS SUCH A DERANGED IDIOT TO PUT THIS ON LILA’S DESK?!” Lila and Marinette heard shouting.

That the shouter was Chloe Bourgeois, that she was pointing at the sheet of paper in her hand, and she had been cursing were all hints it was something unforgivable and she was beyond furious. Enough Lila glanced around for an Akuma, before grabbing the sheet from a very surprised Bourgeois and seeing it was a printout of a gossip site praising “Vorpika, the Real Wielder of the Fox Miraculous” and shitting on Volpina.

“I take I was being punked when they told me it’s a Parisian tradition to give new students some toilet paper?” Lila replied as she crumpled it, stopping Bourgeois mid-step as she was about to bolt.

“You-you aren’t getting Akumatized? I mean-”

“Just some idiot running their mouth and someone who should deal with I-know-what a better way.” Lila declared. Then, noting the whole class was there, she continued: “Speaking of idiots, I apologize for considering you one, and I think I did call you that, for taking at face value that claim about Jagged Stone. I had no idea it was believable.”

“Huff! As long as you admit you were wrong…” the mayor’s daughter replied. “But for the future, remember that in the class where everyone but two students and the homeroom teacher have been Akumatized at least once everything is believable.”

“And that makes sarcastic claims much more difficult to do.” the Italian girl replied with irritation. She had spent two whole weeks to come up with something unbelievable that would be immediate to the French, only to end in the same class as the daughter of Jagged Stone’s landlord and the girl who designed and created his Eiffel Tower glasses in an afternoon and drew the cover art for Rock Giant… What was she supposed to claim if she didn’t want to be believable? That Jagged Stone had a kitten? No, if what she had heard about his crocodile was true that could be believable too…

“Why don’t you use calling cards that declare you’re the Queen of Sheba?” Rose proposed, answering to the unvoiced question.

“For a very good reason: I hadn’t thought about it. You’re a lifesaver.”

With that Lila went to her seat, near Kudzberg, wondering why did Marinette and some of the others seemed so surprised about Bourgeois’ actions. Obviously she didn’t believe she’d let someone get Akumatized on purpose, so why she was so surprised?

As the class was being let out for the lunch break, Marinette was still having trouble believing that Chloe had been trying to stop an Akumatization. Maybe she was being unjust with her, but with everything she had pulled, especially in the four years before Marinette received her Miraculous, it was just surreal to see her trying to be helpful.

“But seriously, what’s with that stupid name? Vorpika, ha!” Chloe let out as she had been talking with Sabrina of the new hero, putting the world back in place.

“It’s Italian slang for “Fox-themed antihero from Rome”.” Marinette explained.

“And you expect me to believe it?”

“Would a confirmation from a Roman of Rome help?” Lila intervened. “The short version is that, back in the 1960s, the comic book Diabolik and its villainous protagonist made such an impression that it spawned an entire subgenre of Italian crime comics, and between that and Disney, of all publishers, getting in the game, in Italy names that end with “-ik” are reserved for villains and antiheroes of both genders, and “-ika” for female antiheroes(1). And if you add it to an actual word you can also get the character’s theme. For example, an evil guitarist would be named Chitarrik(2), a certain most evil comic book character was named Satanik(3) and Vorpika takes her name from the word for “fox” in Romanesco, the dialect of my beautiful Rome.

“An association quite obvious to an Italian… But not to a Frenchgirl, especially so far from the border. Let me guess, Italian relatives?”

“My grandmother, she used to visit often enough I picked up the language, well, I understand it, and a few other things, including body language. I used to be mistaken for an Italian on that alone…”

“Could have been worse, you could have been mistaken for an Englishgirl.”

Marinette was starting to get worried about Lila’s apparent hatred for England, but before she could even think to ask anything a tan boy their own age, dressed in rather covering clothes and with a pair of dark glasses and the most fake pair of mustache on his face, barged in and started addressing Lila in a language Marinette didn’t understand, with Lila covertly passing her phone to Rose that for some reason, used it to call someone as she left the classroom.

As Lila was calming down the newcomer, Marinette went in a corner and covertly asked Tikki what was happening.

“He guessed that Lila is Vorpika, apparently she “signed” her first appearance.” Tikki whispered. “Also, he thinks she got Akumatized on purpose to cover for it.”

As Marinette tried to process the fact someone could think Lila would do something like that (and noticed that Adrien too was in a corner and looked as Lila as she had grown a second head), none other than prince Ali’s chaperon came in and grabbed the boy with the fake mustache, who was looking at Lila in surprise.

“Had Rose call Salima, because, seriously, you have a crack shot as a chaperon for a reason.” Lila told her friend-who Marinette realized was the Prince Ali. “Seriously you can’t just come here like that!”

“After school at the hotel?” Ali replied.

“After school at the hotel. Stay safe, Lustro.”

“Don’t get into your nickname, Shijjar.”

As she looked at the prince being grabbed away by his chaperon, Marinette went to Lila, trying to speak through the shock.

“Yes, we are on nicknames term, comes with being each other’s oldest non-imaginary friend.” Lila said. “And no, we aren’t dating even if someone seems convinced we’re secret lovers.”

As Rose gave a shy smile at the remark, Marinette started wondering exactly how much had Lila actually lied, and why. It made no sense…

Trixx liked Lila for many reasons. Among others there were her cunning, her ability to use the illusions to their full and devastating effect, the “if I’m smart enough to pull it off” attitude (though that meant he’d have to work a lot to keep it in check. Especially at how she had accidentally used the “I’m half-Klingon half-duck”(4) in-joke between her and her friend and outed herself on the first sortie), the fact she actually knew how to play the dizi (he was a musical kwami, he needed that and instructing the Holder was always a pain), the wealth and related unwillingness to spend too much (by the description of her wardrobe, he’d have cried in pain had he been entrusted to Chloe Bourgeois), and the immense quantity of hair (made possible by the wealth) that allowed the kwami to stay close to her head without being noticed. The latter was especially useful right in that moment, as Lila, after visiting her royal friend, had just been given a potentially devastating news.

“What did you say?” Lila whispered in shock.

“This morning a woman called us and revealed that not only you aren’t friends with Ladybug, but also that you refused an offer of friendship.” Salima, the chaperon, repeated. “I of course reported this and all the very numerous details to His Majesty, who gave precise instructions.”

“Shijjar, my friend, you must make amends with Ladybug.” the prince said, looking pained. Trixx believed it was because he knew Lila well enough to anticipate her answer, or what she was thinking. “You are my sister in anything but blood, but our kingdom cannot afford to be seen linked to the enemies of Paris’ protector.”

Trixx knew exactly what Lila was thinking, who she was going to blame, and how she was going to react. He understood how angry she was, and that she’d blame the wrong person-unless he made her notice something:

“The chaperon said “woman”, not “girl”.” he whispered to his Chosen. And by her slight wincing he knew she had understood.

“It is not His Majesty’s policy to support such foolishness.” Salima said.

“But letting a terrorist use him and his heir to manipulate a girl is?” Lila replied coldly.

“What are you trying to come up with to get out of your trouble?”

“Who were the witnesses?” the prince instead asked, quickly realizing what his old friend meant.

“Only Ladybug, Adrien Agreste and myself were present for the initial encounter, though the terrorist Papillon obviously knows though the same magic he uses to find his victims. As for our later disagreement, it took place above Gustave Eiffel’s apartment in the Tower, with only Ladybug, Chat Noir and myself present-and the terrorist once again knows thanks to his magic.” Lila explained.

“And we actually don’t know if he has accomplices.”

“What?! Your Highness, you can’t believe this girl!” Salima protested.

“Why, exactly? It certainly makes more sense than the alternative. Would you please inform my father about this?”

“There is no need.” an unfamiliar voice announced, coming from an equally unfamiliar man that had appeared in the computer’s screen. Unfamiliar to Trixx, because the humans appeared to know who it belonged to, though both Lila and the prince appeared startled.

“Your majesty, I was not aware of your presence.” Lila said to the man without bowing, heavily hinting what country this man was king of. The following words confirmed it: “And I believe your son wasn’t either.”

“That was the point. I needed to know if he was ready to assume greater duties-though I cannot say I’m displeased to have missed this chance due something we should have suspected all along.”

“In the current circumstances? Easily forgiven.”

“Then I believe you should share the saltiest bread.”

“Of course, father.” the prince replied with a smile.

“I’m grateful for your attention, though I believe your subjects are worthier of it than myself.” Lila continued, in a display that would have likely confused many of the other kwami who lacked experience with the Arabic etiquette.

“I’ll follow your suggestion, then. Just… Please, find an honorable peace with Ladybug as soon as possible. Be well.”

As the king of Akdor left the conversation, Lila turned to Salima with an unpleasant smile.

“And so, we kept you from causing a mess.” she stated. “Though I believe I should be grateful-now I know who I should ruin.”

“Lila, calm down.” the prince told her.

“I am calm. Calmer than I thought I’d be with this mess.”

“That’s what worries me-you were just like this before you started denying non-existing rumors at your London school.”

“I agree, we should all calm down and discuss things around a good coffee.” Salima added.

“I’m not taking advice from you. You almost cost me my place in the world, my trust in people and my friends, my… Uh uh… My Holyland, that’s what you nearly cost me.”

“What did you say?” the woman hissed.

“Nevermind, I’ve read the hotel’s brochure and I see we need one of their services. Follow me, both of you… And please don’t interfere.”

The tone of the last phrase worried Trixx. The prince too, he looked focused and wondering what his old friend was thinking to do.

As she, her friend-currently doing something with his phone-and the add-on went to look for the one she needed, Lila was taking deep breaths to keep calm after being completely manipulated like that. Just a simple phone call from an accomplice and Papillon had her murderously furious at Ladybug, to the point she had almost been about to renounce to what until the previous day had called her oldest non-imaginary friendship just to have a shot at destroying her, and lose all remaining trust in her friends in the process. Sure, Lustro, the add-on and His Majesty had been fooled too, but considering what their realm was going on they had an excuse to not notice on the spot, while she had needed Trixx to realize what was happening.

Still, raging would not help. All she needed was to play along, wait for her chance, and at the right moment rip the Butterfly Miraculous from him and throw him to the authorities-no matter what his reasons were, the Princess Fragrance incident had left the French government and judiciary with no reason but hitting him with the full weight of their laws, and that was without counting Volpina and everything else(5). Maybe the French authorities would consider reopening Devil’s Island just for sake of a papillon pun(6)-that was what she’d do if she could, at least.

For now, however, she’d be content with exposing him for what he was besides a terrorist, and crumble the romantic ideas some people had to have on him. Not personally or by Lustro’s hand, she needed him not knowing she had found out. No, the Tiger would do it-she wouldn’t deny her this favor, and as she was in Beijing and normally lived in Tokyo and showed her location on the Ladyblog’s forum it was unlikely she’d be connected to her, even if the bowtie hebephile could track internet connections.

And now that she had found Bourgeois, she could get the password for the wi-fi and talk to her friend.

“Bourgeois, I need your help.” she asked to the mayor’s daughter, who had been using the phone.

“Uh… Just a moment.” the blonde replied before doing something and turning to her. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, I would need the wi-fi password, even a temporary one. I need to urgently contact a friend who’s currently in Beijing, a friend that doesn’t have the, how is it said in French, well, she’d end up spending a lot if I called her without internet and I just don’t have the time to go back to the Italian embassy or register at an internet cafe.”

“Does that have anything to do with your current collective mood?”

“Yes.”

“And it’s a o-”

Chloe was interrupted by her phone’s ringtone, Clara Nightingale’s It’s Ladybug, but touched it and put it away.

“Sorry for the interruption, Lila. Now, this thing that’s getting you furious and that you need need the wi-fi password for, it’s a one-time only, right?”

“Of course. I know I’m not registered as a guest and shouldn’t access the wi-fi, but…”

“Save it, here’s the password.” Chloe said as she pulled out a ticket with a password. “But remember, you owe me.”

“Thanks.” she replied, and web-called her friend.

“What’s up, Zorra?” her friend saluted her in French-one of the languages they shared-except for the chosen word for “female fox”.

“Just a thing that happened today.” she replied in Japanese. A language none of the presents knew, aside for Trixx, so they wouldn’t be able to stop her. “It’s a bit long to explain, and it’s urgent, but… Could you start a discussion on the Ladyblog’s forum and denounce Papillon as a pedophile?”

“… Why aren’t you doing it by yourself? Wait, are you planning to try and make yourself an accomplice to strike him down at the right moment?!”

“Exactly.”

“Don’t you think it’s crazy?”

“Precisely. And why it’ll work.”

“Uh-uh. By the way, does your Arabian prince know of what happened to make you plan that? Because I was on the forum right now and someone from Paris, username “Fatimid”, has just started that very discussion.”

“Come, scusa?”

“A guy calling himself Fatimid has started this very discussion a few minutes ago. Sounds like Prince Ali to me.”

“Oh. Sorry for disturbing you. I suppose tomorrow you’ll have to work with the movie…”

“Second day of shooting… And he’s even hotter in person!”

“Just… Just don’t make your parents grandparents, ok?”

“Not for another three years-no child of mine will be called a bastard! Good luck in that madpeople cage!”

“And you don’t start a revolution. Good night!”

Lila took another deep breath to calm herself, then she turned to the prince and leveled a glare to him.

“I’m your oldest non-imaginary friend, remember? We may have met before the Pantherhunt, but I still know exactly how you think.” Ali reminded her, completely unfazed. “And I’m not letting you get in that kind of mess.”

“What if I wanted to get in that kind of mess?”

“Then you were too angry to think straight.” called an unexpected voice, prompting Lila to turn-and see Ladybug and Chat Noir standing near a very smug Chloe, who was showing that her cellphone had an ongoing call… With Ladybug.

“Listen, Ladybug, I just discovered that Papillon tried a horrible thing, and-” Lila started, but was interrupted.

“And you’re going to let him anger you and give him power over you?”

Lila stopped, surprised at what she had just been said. She had to admit, at least to herself, she had screwed up. And she should be grateful to Ladybug-but why had she done it? She could have manipulated her so easily had she just let her stay angry…

“Wait, where’s Vorpika?” Chloe asked, jolting Lila from her thoughts.

“She’d been in Tokyo until a few days ago and was too busy investigating a possible trail to Papillon to rest.” Ladybug explained, surprising Lila again. The superheroine was quite good at lying for someone who hated lies so much…

Nathalie Sanscour was a user of the Ladyblog forum, and prone to use it during work hours. “Secretly”, of course-officially she had to keep it secret from Gabriel or risk a reprimand or being fired, something that would come handy if Adrien or the Gorilla (she really needed to find out his real name) saw her while she looked if someone slipped something useful for Paris’ supervillain. And her scouting of the forum was the reason for her current anger.

“Nathalie, calm down.” Gabriel told her, ignoring Nooroo as he chuckled at the irony.

“Calm down?!” the woman replied. “Sir, they’re calling you a pedophile! A PEDOPHILE!”

“And how did we act with Rossi?”

“Well, we tried to manipulate her, and-”

“She’s fourteen. Or fifteen. Between the age gap and teenagers being Akumatizable far more often than adults, it was only to be expected they’d mistake me for a pedophile.”

“But-”

“Don’t worry, I can shoulder this until I win-and then, it will have never happened. Now excuse me, but I need to set a supervillain on Rossi or the prince as soon as possible-I have a character to keep.”

As she waited for Vorpika with Chat Noir at the Eiffel Tower, Ladybug thought at what she had seen of Lila at the hotel-and the effect of her words. It had been a gamble, based on how close she was acting to certain things she had wanted to do before Tikki… And it had worked. That gave her a different perspective on the Italian traveler-one she’d rather not have, if it wasn’t for the bullet everyone, and especially Lila, had just dodged. If nothing else, Chat had accepted to just follow her lead on that-she hadn’t managed to tell about that even to Tikki, and Chat, sadly, was out.

“Hi, guys.” Vorpika said as she arrived, before coming extremely close to Ladybug. “The thing at the hotel, how, and why?”

“Well, we gave Chloe our numbers due the many Akumatizations she causes so at least she can get us to intervene, and she hadn’t abused it.” Chat interjected, trying to distract the fox. “Not yet, at least. We gave them to the mayor, Jean David the butler, the Agreste’s Gorilla, Marinette…”

“Makes sense… But it wasn’t about that. Ladybug, how did you know what to say to calm me down, and why?”

“I’d rather not talk about how I knew-and frankly, you wouldn’t believe it.” Ladybug replied. “As for why… Why not?”

“Because you could have easily turned me into your pawn, eliminated a future enemy and gained the best attack fox in Paris, that’s why!”

“Maybe I don’t want that. I want you as a friend, not a pawn.”

Vorpika stepped back, thoughtful and curious, muttering something about owing Ladybug her “holyland” (and using the English word). Then, after a few seconds, she asked: “Where did you guys learn how to fight without weapons?”

“I did some karate(7)-” Chat started.

“What style? Goju Ryu, Shotokan, Kyokushin? Was it sundome, or-”

“I was five and mom and father pulled me out after a month. Never knew why.”

“Oh. And you, Ladybug?”

“Well, I try and imitate my cousin, she’s a Savate practitioner and often shows off her moves to try and get me to join.” Ladybug said.

“So, one may or may have learned something years ago and never practiced again, and the other tries to imitate advanced moves without knowing the basics. Explains why you’re so bad. Fists in front of the face, now.”

After that, Vorpika taught them the jab-cross combo, or one-two. The very basic of boxing, she had said while she moved Ladybug’s left arm through the jab motions. Ladybug knew it was her way to not feel indebted for pulling her out of her anger at the hotel, not an actual sign of friendship, but was willing to wait. Maybe it would never happen, but at least she’d make sure to save her from herself and that she didn’t need saving-that was what she promised to herself.

Notes

(1)The longer version is as follows: in 1962 Diabolik was first published, and its success spawned the “Nero Italiano” (Italian Noir) genre, comic books characterized by being a rather violent take on the crime genre and featuring protagonists whose name includes the letter “k” (not used in Italian words) or, sometimes, the suffix “-ik”; among the public outrage (including even judicial seizures and trials) also appeared parodies such as Cattivik (created by Bonvi, of Sturmtruppen’s fame, and then gifted to fellow author Silver) and Dorellik, and Disney Italy, when creating an antihero alter ego for Donald Duck, named it Paperinik (also known as “Duck Avenger” in the English-speaking world), adding the suffix “-ik” to Donald’s Italian name “Paperino”, and this being still Disney they also gave one to Daisy (in Italy, “Paperina”. Disney is usually more clever than this…) and called it “Paperinika”; while the genre all but disappeared under moral outrage and the low quality of most of Diabolik’s successors, it and especially Diabolik (who is still published) had already left a standing impact on Italian comics and media, that included the association of the suffix “-ik” with antiheroes and villains and “-ika” with female antiheroes.

(2)That is how Guitar Villain is named in the Italian dub of Miraculous Ladybug.

(3)An actual Italian comic book created to ride on Diabolik’s success, whose protagonist renamed herself Satanik upon getting the power to act on her revenge plans.

(4)Blame Astruc, he said that when he was asked about Lila’s ethnicity. Then again, that and crazier could be applied to all Italians…

(5)The Princess Fragrance incident saw an Akuma villain attack foreign royalty and diplomatic personnel (what the prince’s chaperon would count as), both covered by diplomatic immunity, and he made a full threesome of attacks on people covered by diplomatic immunity the moment he Akumatized Lila, the daughter of an Italian diplomat. Simply put, after those stunts the minimum Gabriel can get is life in jail with eligibility for parole at 18 years.

(6)The Bagne du Cayenne (Penal Colony of Cayenne), also known as Devil’s Island, was a French prison famous for being used for internal exile of political prisoners and the harsh treatment of the inmates (up to 75% death rate). Closed in 1953, the prison is the subject of numerous books and movies, including Henri Charriére’s best-seller Papillon.

(7)Chat said that in “Simon Says”. Given his performance and Gabriel being Gabriel, either his dojo wasn’t focused on combat (more common than one would expect) or he didn’t stay there long.

[fourteenacross]

hi its me again. sorry. ive got some oc's for a story that im trying to piece together, but its kinda a mess. turns out i cant write natural dialouge. youre really good at it, and since i havent figured it out by re-reading your stories over and over again, i figured id come to the source, how do you write dialouge that doesnt feel forced or awful? ❤❤-Myah

Don’t worry about it, I love getting messages even if I cam crap at actually responding to them in a timely manner /o\

As for dialogue…gosh, I wish I had an easy answer! Dialogue is my favorite thing to write and it’s the thing that generally comes easiest to me. About half of the stuff I cut when I’m editing is unnecessary dialogue and the reason so many of my things get stretched out to so many words is because I can never make the characters shut up. I like banter, I like jokes, I like people with an easy rapport, which leads to lots of chatting.

The key for me, for fic anyway, is hearing the dialogue in the character’s voice. I don’t know if it’s a skill or a talent or what, but that’s how I know I’ve nailed it. If I can get the character’s voice in my head, hear what I’m writing as if it’s said by the actual actor or in the same cadence as the writer, that’s half the battle. It solves the problem of it sounding realistic and the problem of it sounding like something that particular character would say. 

Getting to that point, though, is a little harder for me to advise because, like I said, it’s either a talent or a skill, but that’s something that I’ve just…always more or less been able to do to some degree. The advice I can give, I guess, is to listen to the way people talk to each other on teevee or movies or whatever. Listen to how you converse with your friends. Do you ever obsess over what you’re going to say to someone in a particular situation and make it up over and over in your head? Break that apart, look at how it’s structured and why you put it that.

The shitheads are easy for me to write because they’re a little younger than me, but they’re here and now. They’re in this time period, living in a place I lived, with a lot of the same references. They’re dumb twenty-two year old boys, and I’ve known a lot of dumb twenty-two year old boys in my time. They’re casual and sarcastic with each other the same way my friends and I are casual and sarcastic with each other. There’s a little bit of code-switching involved–they’re more formal in the classroom and on cases and with the Washingtons, and those are conscious choices that they make, but generally they swear a lot and use slang and pepper their speech with filler words (”um,” “uh,” “ah,” as well as “like,” “I mean,” “basically,” “you know,” etc).

The other big thing that helps, I think, is just knowing your characters inside and out. If you’re in their head and you know their motivation, you start to structure their speech with the background of their intentions, if that makes any sense. Whether they’re cautious or trying to get some information from someone or oblivious to what’s going on or secretly angry at the other person or whatever–that all changes how people say things to each other and that’s a big part of giving life to the language. There are a dozen ways to ask the same question, and some will be perfect and others will sound totally stiff and wrong, even though they’re essentially asking the same thing.

FOR EXAMPLE, let’s look at two things under the cut:

So, here’s a thing based on a conversation in a fic I just posted, a dialogue between two characters:

“Good morning, my dear. I’m shocked that you’re up earlier than usual.”

“I went to the gym.”

“That’s strange, because usually you have trouble getting out of bed to go to work in the morning, but today is the start of our vacation and you got up earlier than you normally would for work.”

“As I said, I was at the gym. I find that if I’m going to go to the gym, I need to go very early or very late so that it doesn’t throw off my schedule.”

“We’re on vacation, though. Do you have plans today that I don’t know about?”

Which, you know, is a perfectly civil and valid conversation for two people with a more formal style of speaking or a less familiar relationship to have with one another. But even though it says exactly the same thing, meaning wise, as the actual dialogue I used, never in a million years would shithead Alex and John have that conversation at ten am on a Saturday in their kitchen, if they would ever have it at all. So instead, we take the same meaning and we shift it to get what I put in the actual story:

“Good morning, starshine. I can’t fucking believe you’re up this early.”

“I went to the gym.”

“You stumble half-asleep into the lab most days, but your first weekend off and you��re up at the asscrack of dawn.”

“I went to the gym. If I’m going to the gym, I’ve either gotta go first thing or last thing. Any other time and it fucks up the whole day.”

“There’s nothing to fuck up, we’re on vacation.”

“It fucks up my sense of time.”

“Vacation. What could you possibly be planning on doing today?”

Which, you know, sounds much more like something these assholes would say to each other, while conveying the exact same meaning.

The other tip I’ll give you is to give certain characters particular verbal tics that they repeat. If you do this, it really helps flesh out the character in the readers’ minds and adds a certain rhythm and tone to their speech that makes it particular to them. For example, in the ghosthunters, each of the characters have very specific names that they call each other. I actually made a chart to keep track of it. For instance, Lafayette sometimes calls GWash “George,” while everyone else only calls him “Washington” or “GWash.” Herc mostly uses people’s last names. John never calls Alex “Ham,” even though all the other student characters (except Burr) tend to do it. Beyond names, John swears a lot and has a hard time expressing his feelings, so anytime he’s saying something emotional, he draws it out and stutters. Lafayette uses a hodge-podge of formal and informal English and occasionally gets thrown off if a word is the same in French and English. John has terrible pick-up lines that come out when he’s tipsy. Alex has a tendency to go on random tangents questioning the literal meaning of idioms he uses. Alex and John have two exchanges that they frequently repeat (”Hey.”/”Hi.” and “I’m/You’re a _____.” / “But You’re/I’m my/your _____.”) Et cetera.

Oh gosh, I hope this makes any sense whatsoever and is at least a little bit helpful. I feel like I’m just rambling at this point. I have a lot of difficulty explaining HOW I do certain things if I don’t have to put a lot of work into them and, to be honest, dialogue is something I personally don’t have to work hard to nail.

So, tl;dr: 1) Try to hear the words in the characters’ voices; 2) Listen to how people around you, in fiction and RL, speak to each other; 3) Know the characters well and take care in choosing words that you think it makes sense for them to use; 4) Give further character to people’s speech by giving them repeated verbal tics.

I hope this helps!