#Better meta from me tomorrow hopefully after I rewatch and sleep on it.

[tealvenetianmask]

I just took a very sweaty two hour drive through the mountains with Apology Tour on my mind. It wasn't just me being dramatic (though I felt it)- I have a friend's wedding to go to and now I have motion sickness from the ups and downs. I cried a little-- you know- poor music choices for the road.

I haven't read anyone else's takes yet, so I don't know if anyone's said this, but I just want to heap some empathy on my favorite boy, Blitz, who definitely needs it.

For the entire episode, Blitz is going it alone, with no one supporting him. I don't think he thought at ANY POINT during this day that he should get help from anyone. Which is-- very him, and very brave, and I think that's part of his problem.

I think Blitz took action from the moment Stolas kicked him out (How about some funny shit to lighten the mood? If I keep texting, he has to respond. OKAY he's not responding? I'm going back over there.)

Then he kept going for the rest of the day- and yes, adjusted each time a new realization hit, but not enough to really think about what Stolas needed or what BLITZ HIMSELF NEEDED. Because if he paused, he would have had to sit with what had happened, and have to sit with the reality of being alone. And I think that inaction- that space to think- is too painful right now. When he gets home from the party, it's going to hit him like a fucking train.

He NEEDS his fam right now. Loona, Moxxie, Millie, maybe Fizz . . . please let this guy know he's cared for.

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Time #30ME

Today’s topic might seem more than a mite META because doing a timed writing experiment in tribute to actual TIME might seem like a good 30 minutes of wasted time on both our parts. Well, we’ll see.  Let’s do this...

The soundtrack for today’s #30ME is either Pink Floyd’s appropriately-named “Time” or Steve Miller’s “Fly Like an Eagle” which starts with the immortal line “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future.” I actually was on Google and saw that there was a site offering a “meaning” for that line... and it was simple enough: “That’s what time does.”

Yeah, time has become a bit of an issue under this pandemic quarantine, and to me, it’s not that I have too much time on my hands, as much as the fact that time is just going by so quickly but seemingly in such a boring and non-constructive way. Every night when I go to bed around the same time (somewhere between 11 and midnight), I reflect back on the day behind me and can’t even think or remember much of anything I did. I know I did stuff because writing gets done as does the appropriate movie watching to be able to write a Weekend Warrior column for Wednesday. And I know I hate a few things, and maybe did a little bit of cleaning. But I also did a lot of time-wasting in terms of playing one of the two games I have on my XBox: Overwatch and the 2015 edition of Magic the Gathering (which I just got a few weeks back!).

It’s fun (in a so not fun way) reflecting back on this and wondering where the day went and also wondering if the next few days will be more of the same, even though I fully know that it is. 

Not having anywhere to go and nothing particularly meaningful to do begins to wear on you even when you have various “projects” to get to, including working on a number of screenplays and now having so much time to do so. Heck, it was something I’ve been wanting to do for years now and now that I have the time, I just don’t feel motivated to do much of anything. This includes the probably hundreds or thousands of unread books and comics I have surrounding me both physical and on my Kindle.

If you’re one of the younger people reading this, you may not realize how time seems to speed by as you get older to the point where you’re no longer BORED by not having nothing to do as much as being unmotivated to actually do anything. I’m sure a lot of this has to do with not having any human contact, something that’s definitely starting to get to me, but I have tried to get on Skype/Zoom and do a bit of socializing when I can, as well as keeping in touch with family/friends. 

It’s just tough because there are days where even communicating with the outside world seems like a lot of work. Believe me, I’ve been trying to use my time constructively by setting aside 30 minutes a day to do this and 30 minutes a day to do other things (like cleaning my apartment) and 30 minutes to work on my screenplays or write to my penpal in prison... and I do that. Oh, and of course, my 2 hours to do the #TimsTwitterListeningParty of the day although the next couple days are artists like the Pogues and Billy Bragg, who I’ve never been that into but figure I should give another listen. (Discovered a terrific artist known Joan As Police Woman yesterday through Tim Burgess’ nightly listening parties and other artists to boot.)

A lot of my time issues is as much to do with what part of my brain do I want to try to stimulate at any given time whether it’s my ears by listening to music or eyes through reading/watching or brain through writing... all of this stuff should be getting me motivated and stimulated, especially after I turn off the TV every day post-Cuomo. At times, it feels like I just have too many options but other than housecleaning and working on my screenplays, none of them seem to offer a real positive outcome that makes it worth the time spent on them. 

Sure, I love writing the Weekend Warrior but far less than when I had movies where I could talk about the box office and it’s more about trying to be critical to write reviews and believe me, it gets harder to be critical when you regularly find yourself turning to Quibi to watch its quick and easy ADHD-friendly content. (Dishmantled and Chrissy’s Court are my two favorites so far but I’m hoping to get more into Sam Raimi’s anthology series, 50 States of Fear, as it goes along.)

I guess you could say that I’m trying to balance my time between doing important things that need to get done vs. things that keep me motivated to get up, get out of bed and do ANYTHING. It gets tough some days, especially when you’re going to sleep at night wondering where the time went...every single day.

The thing is that when we’re kids (and mind you, some of us were kids before the internet, smartphones, video games, etc.) I remember how bored we would get so quickly since we never felt like there was anything to do. This would lead to things like playing outside which usually meant running around and playing with other kids and using our imaginations for fun, and it’s amazing how much time you can use up doing things like this.

Nowadays, it’s not so easy, and I definitely feel for my friends with young kids who need to keep them entertained while also keeping themselves motivated and productive and doing their jobs. In some ways, it’s easier for me that I don’t have kids to keep entertained right now but I’m sure having kids also keeps one motivated to keep pushing forward since they need to do or get work to keep their families happy.

It’s a little crazy that with all the stuff I have on my plate from wanting to rewatch all the James Bond movies on Hulu, to catching up with all the shows that I’ve been meaning to catch up on (like Killing Eve, Westworld, etc) I just can’t find the time to just focus on doing these things. As I’ve said, part of it comes from my own unique form of ADHD where I get bored very easily if I’m doing something for too long and particularly when it’s the same thing like watching shows/movies. 

Heck, I could easily turn into a couch potato (or rather, futon couch/bed potato since I don’t have a couch) but that doesn’t help fight against the lethargy that is constantly on the verge of setting in permanently.

It wasn’t so hard when I had actual things to write, when I had movies to review or interviews to transcribe or write-up although i had time issues of a different kind when I was so busy from conducting too many interviews. I remember one of my last weeks at the Beat way back in January, I did four interviews in a single day on top of three movies and that was a normal day where I’d find time for all of it!

A lot of my time should be used looking for a job or my next source of income but even that’s become tough since surprise, surprise, the job listings have dried up completely. No one is posting for jobs since no one knows when this is going to end. Sure, there are a lot of nursing jobs and the like because hospitals still need people but I haven’t seen anything that might be worth applying for.

Part of my issues with how weird time has been behaving is not knowing when I’ll be able to get back to some semblance of normal, even if it’s having screenings to see  or concerts (a passion/hobby which generally require some sort of income to support)... for some reason, having concrete things in my calendar for the week helps me cope with the need to use my time constructively.

I do use some of my time to keep in touch with the outside world via social media and that always brings me some pleasure since it’s interacting with others that offers the type of stimulation of surprise, not knowing who you might interact with or how someone might react, that has generally kept me motivated, but man, it gets tough at time.

I have a few more minutes so not sure what else to talk about re: time. I just haven’t been able to explain why it’s behaving so oddly where there are days when I don’t really know if it’s Tuesday or Saturday, and that was never a problem even while spending the past 20 years not doing the typical 9 to 5 Monday to Friday. (Oddly, when I worked at Tracking Board, which was straight 9 to 5 five days a week, days would blow by even quicker since I always was on the clock and had work to do... except Saturdays where I had to create five or six original posts every day and sometimes, those days just DRAGGED.)

I’m slowly figuring out ways of dealing with time and using it constructively but I definitely find myself having to push myself especially after Blas comes on and talks about how everything will probably be cancelled through at least June. Believe me, I feel awful for the people who are more prone to contracting COVID, but I also have felt fine for weeks now and I’m ready to get back into some sort of better normal than what is going on right now. It’s just hard to do that just sitting around my apartment every day.

Anyway my time is up... hopefully I’ll have a better topic for tomorrow. :)