#Best-sleep-music-2019-for-stress

[accio-victuuri]

cpn o’clock: tea or coffee 🍵☕️

treat this as my clowning post for episode 2 of exploring the unknown. hahahahahaha! though i have mentioned the relation about tea in my previous post, let me explain more and include the thing about coffee.

so people were panic buying the tea yibo packed during his prep for the trip— which turns out to be calming tea that helps with sleep ( he said so himself ) . which now that i think about it, he shouldn’t have any problem sleeping cause he is beyond exhausted every damn day on this show.

and i don’t wanna act like i have him on speed-dial, like everyone, i observe his habits and personality via public means. i have never seen him talk about or act like he has problems sleeping or even needing that help. we all saw summer surf shop — he was out like a light. he mentioned sleeping in planes and taking short naps. you have photos of him sleeping or probably have his eyes closed but whatever — you get the point.

now who do we know has problems sleeping?

p1 is yibo in richora event where he mentions having no trouble sleeping and one time fell asleep in seconds + he goes on deep sleep.

p2 gege saying sleeping is now more stressful.

p3 mentioned that his sleep is not stable, sometimes good and sometimes bad.

p4 when you have insomnia, it’s good to download rain sounds to help with sleep. which lowkey is the same logic as yibo saying the sound of the jungle us good for sleep.

p5 is an article that says:

When he goes to different cities, Xiao Zhan will bring the same type of pillows and quilts. I will bring anything that can help me sleep well. "He also tried aromatheeapy lamps, lavender essential oil, various medicines that will make you fall asleep when applied on your body. Spray it on your pillow to make you fall asleep, melatonin, meditation music. Later I found out that the best way for him to sleep was eye mask, earplugs (….)

CPN is XZ probably asked him to bring the tea along so WYB can sleep better. thinking that he may have a hard time since he is in a different environment. They are just too sweet!!!!!

people have also pointed out how xz packed tea in his luggage before but this was 2019/20 and the type of tea is different. the examples above are much much recent. but i guess this is fans saying that “tea” is something XZ will pack with him too.

plus we are aware of the green tea connection during untamed filming which is one of the favorite cpns out there 🍵

… now let’s move on to Coffee ☕️😋

everyone’s favorite beverage! people picked this up in episode 2 when wyb was joking around having the coffee he brought soaked so now you can drink it directly. also how he shared that he drinks coffee in the morning. look, we’ve known for some time that he likes coffee especially when he goes camping. we also had another cpn of xz bringing some coffee home etc.

if we’re gonna start with CQL, xz was the one who drinks coffee and in interviews continues to say he does. sure, wyb is free to change his preference on his own and have a new found love for coffee but as a cpf, we cannot ignore the fact that this is an “xz thing” and one of a couple of “things” they have in common. from something as mundane as this to more specific ones.

thinking about them waking up together and having their morning coffee is making me happy 😌😌😌

source

[omegalomania]

everything is lit, except my serotonin

"what a time to be alive" is probably one of my favorite songs on the new record. that's not really a hard sell, though; i struggle to pick favorites at the best of times and by this time tomorrow, my favorite track will likely be a different one. but there's something about this track that i keep circling back to, for a multitude of reasons.

this one has proven a little contentious. critics don't quite get it, and even people who love the song will say that it's a little off-putting lyrically, primarily because of those lines in the chorus: "everything is lit, except my serotonin / everything is lit but my lightning-bolt brain". i'm not going to say outright that critics scoffing at the obvious earth, wind, and fire influence is one of those delightful instances of antiblack racism that's so common in music criticism, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't suspect that was a factor. but more to the point, that line in the chorus hit me a little harder than i expected it to.

patrick has stressed repeatedly that the majority of "what a time to be alive" was written before the pandemic. the lyrics to the bridge are the only parts that reference the pandemic specifically, but the rest of the song feels oddly prescient as it discusses how it feels like the end of the world...probably because in 2019, for some of us, especially those on the west coast, it did feel like the end of the world. pete wentz lives in los angeles, and thus probably got a very clear picture of this as it happened in real time. wildfires have always been an issue on the west coast, but by 2017, they started picking up in speed and scope, in large part due to the effects of climate change. the year after that, they got worse. the third year in a row this happened, it cemented that this was going to be a pattern, which is exactly what happened. today, the last third or so of the year is generally regarded as "fire season," when risk of wildfires becomes extremely high, power outages are common, and evacuations are anticipated.

i live in a fire zone. every year since 2017, i've had to evacuate my home regularly, or i know someone else who has. at this point, it's pretty well-established as routine. the first time this happened, it felt like the end of the world - watching neighbors' houses go up in smoke, housing displaced family members or friends who'd been evacuated themselves or actually lost their homes. by the time the pandemic happened, fire season hadn't actually died, either; we were carrying out evacuations while masked, and often without power (and thus no easy way to get news as to what was happening).

here's a thing about living in a fire zone. there are nights when you're going off no sleep and you're watching the ember-glow on the horizon at the early hours of the morning and thinking that it could almost be considered pretty, in a dark and dismal kind of way. there are days when the smoke haze is so heavy that you never get to see the sun but it makes the air hot and thick and it burns in your lungs. the smell of smoke becomes choking and omnipresent.

everything is lit, except my serotonin. everything is lit but my lightning-bolt brain.

i don't know if these lines were written about the wildfires in particular. it wouldn't surprise me if they were. there are a lot of moments in the song, the parts written pre-pandemic, that make me think that could've been the case: neon in the night-time and not caring if it's pretty because the view's so pretty from the deck of a sinking ship. livestreaming the apocalypse, because twitter feeds were literally the best way to get your news on whether your house might be next - if you had power and internet, that is. and not everyone did.

everything is lit but my lightning-bolt brain. it's kind of a silly line, and i understand being put off by it. it took me some time to warm to it too (pun absolutely intended). it's also a quadruple-entendre. everything is "lit" in the colloquial sense of being cool and exciting, sure, but it's also more or less how the human brain works. our brains are really just electricity, passing little bursts between all the neurons and synapses. on top of that, the sensation of feeling like electric shocks are passing through your skull, or "brain zaps," are a common symptom of withdrawal from antidepressants (which, among other things, are used to regulate someone's serotonin levels). and then there's the case of the world being on fire, literally. everything is lit except my serotonin. my lightning-bolt brain.

a memory:

i never actually stopped working through the pandemic, as i was considered an essential worker. the fires didn't let up either. a particularly horrible fire tore through a nearby area and that's the thing about fires: they turn the whole fucking sky vivid orange. i drove to work on a chilly autumn morning, the whole sky lit up in an orange glare. i stood for a minute in the freezing parking lot while flakes of ash overhead settled like snow onto my car, my hair, my clothes. somewhere, people's homes and livelihoods were burning, and in a matter of days or hours the wind could change and my home and friends could be next. so i walked through the falling ash and the sickly orange glow of the sky and did my temperature check at the door with my mask pulled up over the lower half of my face, and i got to work.

i remember that moment vividly because it was strange and surreal and eerie and it was probably the moment that felt most like the end of the world to me, or at least it did then. driving through town with the sky on fire and a disease tearing through the world and having to walk into work anyway. that's what this track reminds me of: the sheer, staggering surreality of watching everything fall apart, and then...you go to work, because what else are you supposed to do? you go to work. the world is ending. you go to work.

what a time to be alive.

[theunsweetenedtruth]

Promises (8)

Pairing: Erik Stevens x Ada Moore (OC)

AN: Originally written in 2019

Erik woke up wrapped around Ada. His face was buried into the crook of her neck taking in her scent. They had been waking up like this for days now but it never failed to bring him the best sleep he'd had in a long time. He was content in the early morning light, Ada's body pressed against his own. Little puffs of her breath tickled his shoulder, her breasts and belly pressed against the hard plains of his body and her leg slung over his hips, opening herself up to him. Yeah, he was content in this position.

She shifted closer in her sleep drawing him closer and Erik stifled a groan. His morning wood was pressed in between her legs where he knew he would find her warm and wet and ready for him. He saw the way she looked at him when she thought he wasn't looking, like she wanted to devour him. And he'd let her only if he could reciprocate. 

He hadn't played fair to get into her bed. He wore less clothing than he'd been planning but the first week when her eyes glazed over at his basic sweatpants outfit and she unconsciously licked her lips, he thought she wouldn't mind in the end if she was satisfied. But it seemed like was he was torturing himself more. He was basking in the noises she made in her sleep—good dreams if he could guess—in the way she held him tighter around the neck, in the warmth of her body next to his. He missed being with his baby and with her having his baby, it was important that he was near her. Especially in this time when she was already a week passed her due date. He brushed his lips across Ada's forehead. 

"Mmmm," she moaned, reaching her hands over her head and stretching into him. Erik rubbed a hand down her back. He loved mornings where they could sleep in. "What time izit?" 

"It's only 8:30." His voice was husky at her inadvertent rocking against him. She was torturing him. "Go back to sleep and I'll make you breakfast while I start lunch." 

His family would be coming to visit, the first time T'Challa, Shuri, and Queen Ramonda would get to meet Ada. She was nervous and had been stressed out since he'd mentioned their visit in passing. Erik didn't think it was a big deal; they had known about how Erik felt about her before he'd even been ready to acknowledge the depth of his feelings. Some nights he would have dreams about her, about situations they'd been in, about the situations he wanted to go through with her. He dreamt about her left behind, probably moving on with her life, finding a new man to try to take his place. He would wake up full of rage, ready to take that anger out sparring with T'Challa, the only person who could handle the heart shaped herb pulsing through his veins. T'Challa would take it in stride; a secret smile would be on his lips and Erik would do his best to beat it off of him. 

"What time are they coming again?" He was lucky her eyes were closed as he rolled his own. She'd asked him six times a day since she'd told her. 

"Three. I'll be done with enough time to help you get dressed if you need it," he joked. Ada giggled before tucking herself impossibly closer. Erik felt rapid thumps against his stomach and he felt his heart swell the way it always did when he felt Sade. She was strong and very active, always kicking when she heard music or Erik's voice. She was also stubborn like her mama, taking her sweet ass time to come when they couldn't wait to meet her. The thumps continued and Ada huffed out a breath. 

"Of course you start talking and your child won't let me go back to sleep." She rolled out of his arms to the opposite side of the bed. Erik watched in amusement as Ada rocked herself to her feet and waddled to the bathroom, dressed in his t-shirt and and an old pair of his boxers. 

"You just mad she already has a favorite," he called back. He heard her scoff and then start peeing.

"The minute she comes out, we'll see who's her favorite. I can already tell she has your appetite and I'm the one with the milk." Erik grumbled under his breath. 

Later, Erik was putting the finishing touches on lunch when Ada walked through the doorway to the kitchen. "How do I look?" He turned and froze. She looked good. The off the shoulder dress hugged her curves and molded to her belly, before flaring to her knees. He hadn't seen her dressed up in a long time and the addition of her baby bump set his blood pumping in a primal, caveman way. He crossed to her to wrap his arms around her waist. 

"You look amazing." She shyly ducked her head and wouldn't meet his eyes so he tilted her chin up. "Don't start getting shy. They're gonna love you just as much as I do." 

She gave a small gasp and Erik felt nerves flutter in his chest. It wasn't the way he'd plan to tell her but he didn't regret it. Ada had to know how he felt; he wasn't shy in showing it and despite his initial hesitation, he showed that he was all in with Sade. His nerves only came from the idea that she didn't feel the same way. 

It's wasn't enough for him to show up in the last month of her pregnancy, inserting himself into her life. He'd abandoned her with no answers for nearly a year and Ada had pulled it together for herself and their baby. She proved that she didn't need him but Erik had come to realize that he needed her. If she couldn't love him yet, he would just spend the rest of his life earning her love and proving himself to her. "Ada. I mean it. I love you."

She was looking at him softly and tears were in her eyes. "Erik," she gave a little shake of her head. "I love you so much." 

Erik felt something snap in him then and he pressed his lips to hers. It was like his world was slotting back into place, everything was right in the universe. He loved this woman. She loved him. After mostly platonic behavior since his return, this kiss felt like a reward for all the things he'd been through in his life. It had all led up to this moment. 

Ada's fingers were tangled in his hair scratching at his scalp the way he loved. He licked the seam of her lips to open her up and she acquiesced, allowing the sliding of his tongue with hers. A small whimper came out of her and Erik answered with a grunt of his own. He backed her up against the counter, pressing her between the hard surface and his body. He slid a thigh between her legs and Ada rolled her hips on him before pulling away to catch her breath. Erik couldn't stop though, trailing suckling kisses over her cheeks and behind her ear in that spot that made her hips jerk forward and a shaky breath escape, down her neck to the top of her collarbones. He wanted to pull the dress over her head, undress her carefully and lay her on the linoleum of the kitchen. He pulled her thigh up opening her more to him and her grip on his hair tightened, pulling in a way that sent shivers down his spine. Erik couldn't stop thrusting his hips into her. He was so hard he couldn't help but try to find relief; there wasn't a doubt what he wanted to do. The sounds she was making, the way she was meeting him thrust for thrust, the way she pulled his lips back to her own let Erik know Ada was with the shits. 

A knock sounded at the door and Erik pulled away from Ada's lips to look up at the ceiling. Bast was clearly out to get him still. Ada kept kissing his neck. 

"Let's forget about lunch," her husky voice whispered in his ear. "I can meet them later." It was a temptation he almost gave into but his people hadn't stopped by on the way leaving New York only to stand outside the apartment all afternoon. 

"Baby we—fuck." She bit him. She knew he had a thing about that. He reached his hand on her ass gripping it and catching her lips again. He was losing himself in her again when someone knocked again. He slowed down the kisses reluctantly before pulling away. It was hard when she was standing there pupils dilated, eyes low, begging for him. He took a step back to get the scent of her out of his nostrils. 

"Come on. They won't knock again." Ada snapped into action. 

"Get the door," she said smoothing down her hair. "I'm gonna go...clean up." She rushed to the bedroom. Erik watched her go before taking in a deep breath. They could—would—pick that up later. He went towards the door before stopping shortly. He pulled his shirt out of his pants and adjusted himself so his dick being hard wasn't so obvious. Then he opened the door. 

Lunch went like he expected. He had to deal with the usual teasing from Shuri and T'Challa but he was used to it and gave as good as he got. The fussing he'd expected from Ramonda had been transferred to Ada however. Ada, who'd never had anybody but Erik buy her anything, looked a little overwhelmed at the gifts Okoye and Ayo carried in. 

"Is this real gold??" Ada gave the baby rattle a shake. Erik listened in as he worked to clear the table with T'Challa's help. He heard his aunt laugh. 

"No my dear. It is made from vibranium. It is an heirloom passed down through the Golden tribe. The second born child to the king receives the rattle, marking them the second in line for the throne or the role of the Golden Jaguar." She paused for a second. "Prince N'Jobu would have given his to N'Jadaka. Now it is his to pass to his children." 

Despite their rough start, Ramonda was the most patient with Erik, letting him out the palace for walks in her private gardens and later, teaching him of the history and responsibility that came with the mantel of Golden Jaguar. She was the one who found some of his father's things and gave them to him to look through. Ramonda was also the one to hold him close when Erik mourned the loss of his father all over again. It had been hard to see the evidence of a life lived before what Erik knew of his father, that the man who had been his idol in righteousness was just as flawed and human as he was. 

"Have you decided on a name?" Shuri's voice rung out. 

"Yeah. It was hard because you know Erik's so..." Ada trailed off. 

"Annoying? A pain in the ass?" 

"Shuri." Ramonda chastised her but Erik could heat the laughter in her voice. Ada's actual laughter was loud. 

"I was gonna say headstrong but yeah. All of that." Erik rolled his eyes. 

"She is good for you, umzala," T'Challa murmured next to him, drying the dishes Erik was carefully washing. "You get this silly little smile on your face every time she opens her mouth." 

Erik kisses his teeth. "Man. Didn't nobody ask you what I was looking like. You don't see me dogging you when you trip over yourself with Nakia." 

"But you do 'dog' me, as you put it." Erik shushed him still eavesdropping. 

"When you come to Wakanda, I will take you and Sade all over," Shuri was saying. "She is a princess, just like I am. Everything the light touches and all that." 

"Do you....do you think that I'll get to go to Wakanda?" Erik froze at the question. "I know you guys are helping the world now but I thought that I still wouldn't be allowed." 

"My dear. Of course you'd be welcome. There'd be no doubt that you and Sade will be met with open arms. I'm surprised N'Jadaka hasn't brought you already to prepare for the birth." 

Erik decided it was a good time to interject. "Nah auntie," he said walking into the living room as he dried his hands on a towel "I wanted Sade to be born here where we met. Plus all Ada's doctors are here just in case and I know she'll be more comfortable here." Ada sent him a grateful look. 

Ramonda looked put out but Ada spoke before she could. "We'll definitely head out to you once Sade is born though," she said patting the Queen Mother's hand. Ramonda held her hand and squeezed. 

"I would love that. This will be my first grandchild since someone will not even consider anyone other than Nakia." A crash sounded from the kitchen and the women laughed. Erik went to check T'Challa to make sure he wasn't breaking his shit. 

When his family had left, Okoye and Ayo following behind, Erik shut the door and took a deep breath. The knowledge that they were alone after what happened earlier was rattling around in his brain. He didn't want to push but he would be taking a long, cold shower if Ada changed her mind. He turned to the living room to see her siting amongst her gifts. In addition to the rattle, the Queen Mother had brought a Border Tribe blanket and a smaller version for the baby; a basket of body oils; and an ornate trunk filled with traditional baby clothes and scarves. Erik had loved the little pink Jordans T'Challa had gifted them and Shuri's version of Baby Einstein for when Sade was a little older. T'Challa has also gifted them a little gold bracelet with a panther at the clasp, alexandrite gems for the panther's eyes. 

Ada looked overwhelmed again sitting in the midst of the mess. "Where am I gonna put all of these clothes? Her closet is only so big." 

Erik navigated to stand in front of her. "Don't worry about it. How about I run you a bath and I'll figure out what to do with everything?" 

She nodded and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He led her to the bathroom and started the water. Ada reached down to pull her dress over head. 

It got stuck. 

Erik huffed out a laugh before pulling the dress the rest of the way and was lost for words. She looked at him, a shy smile on her face that he answered with a grin of his own. Her body was just as beautiful as the night he'd seen her rubbing her belly in the mirror, if not with a slightly bigger stomach. Erik wanted to trace her curves with his hands but he didn't want to push. He didn't want to keep chasing her. He wanted her to show him she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. 

After checking the water to make sure it wasn't too hot, Erik turned to see Ada had shed her strapless bra and panties. He did his best just to concentrate on her face as he helped her in the tub. 

"I'll, um. I'll be out there." He almost bolted for the door to prevent himself from begging to join her or wash her back. 

He spent the time while Ada was in the bath moving the items from the living room to the attached nursery. He threw the baby border blanket over the crib, the Jordans in the closet, and the rattle on the dresser; he put the clothes in the hamper with the intention to wash them before they touched his baby's skin. He went into their bedroom with the bigger border blanket. Yes, the clothes had come from Wakanda but he couldn't be too—

Erik breath whooshed out of him in surprise and he dropped the blanket. Standing in the doorway to the bathroom was Ada, in a see through bra and barely there panties. The yellow set with the little flowers made her skin glow ethereally. He could see she was feigning for nonchalance but he didn't care. 

"You like what you see?" she asked him. 

"You know I do." He couldn't take his eyes off of her. He vaguely remembered the set as one that used to drive him crazy before. Good to know it still had the same effect on him. 

He walked closer to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, bringing her closer to his body. Her skin was soft and warm from the bath and he brushed his hands up her spine, to the back of her neck, cradling her head in his hands, before brushing the softest of kisses across her lips. She sighed and her sweet breath fanned across his face. 

Erik backed her up across the room, still cradling her head and the shifting one hand to the small of her back. Ada's hands glided down his chest before shifting under his t-shirt and her hands felt like fire on his skin. He stopped at the foot of their bed, breaking away from the kiss. "Wait a sec..." 

"Yes, this is what I want," Ada preemptively guessed what he was gonna ask and he didn't even try to hide his smile at her eagerness. 

"Well yeah. This is your "gimme that dick" lingerie," he joked. Ada thumped him on the chest and he let out a bark of laughter. "I wanted to know how..." He looked up at the ceiling at his own inability to spit it out. "I don't want to hurt her." Erik gestured to her belly. 

Ada smiled at him and he felt the tightness in his chest loosen just a smidgen. "It's ok. You won't hurt her. It's supposed to be better for the both of us." 

Erik hadn't read anything like that in his books but he would take her word on it. "Oh really? You been doing research on the benefits of sex during pregnancy?" He kissed her on her neck and collarbone, sucking at her skin slightly while easing her down to lay on the bed. 

"I wanted to be—damn," he nipped at her skin as payback for earlier, "I was curious. I wanted to be prepared." That was all he needed to hear. She had thought about it and was sure of what she wanted. Who was he not to deliver. He looked at her laying on her back, her hair wild around her head, eyes low as she looked up at him. He was determined to make their first time together since his return good. 

He kneeled on the floor near her feet, picking up both of her feet and setting them on the end of the bed. Her white toes shone and he slid calloused hands over them, up the back of her legs, to her knees. He separated her knees and saw the damp spot on the apex of her thighs. He let himself get distracted, nuzzling his nose into the spot and taking in her scent, before he pulled himself away. Erik's hands continued up to her hips where the band for her panties lay. He glanced up at Ada; she was quiet except for her shaky breaths and she nodded upon his look. He pulled the yellow thong over her thighs and down her legs, over her feet, before discarding them on the floor. Normally, he would've just ripped them off but this set was his favorite. The next time she wore it, he wanted to be trying for a baby brother or sister for Sade. He coaxed her thighs apart, watching as she spread apart for him. She was pink and slick and it had been a while for her by the way she jerked when he touched her to spread her lips further apart. Erik leaned his head in, hypnotized and a moan slipped out of him when his lips met her flesh. He felt Ada let out a breathy moan in response. 

He slowly refamiliarized himself, his tongue moved experimentally through her folds and he savored the thick taste of her on his tongue. He pressed his lips to her tiny nub and Ada whimpered, straining her hips against him. Erik lay his head against one thigh as he flicked her clit back and forth with his tongue. Her whimpers quickly turned to guttural moans she tried to stifle behind an hand on her mouth. 

Erik reached up and removed her hand. "Nah, baby. Let me hear you," he whispered. He brought his hand up, wiggling one finger in her opening, and then two, stretching her softly while his tongue still slipped and slid against her in the best way. 

"Oh Erik....Erik, 'rik," she chanted and rode his face. When he pulled away from her after her orgasm washed over her, he felt tingles of arousal in all his nerves, over his shoulders, down to his fingertips. Ada looked ready to fall asleep though and he thought for a second he'd be forced to take care of himself in that cold shower he'd been expecting to take earlier. But she rocked herself to her side, and then her front, grabbing a pillow and tucking it under herself. Erik felt like he was in a daze as she looked back at him over one shoulder. 

"Getting cold feet?" Her words prompted him to remove his clothes in a rush until he was standing naked. He rubbed two fingers over her entrance again before grabbing himself and moving to enter her. 

Erik's breath caught in his throat. She was so soft and hot and it had been so long since he'd felt her. Her body gripped him as he slowly worked himself inside. Ada was panting, her fingers in a death grip on the pillow and as he pushed further in, she let out a little mewl. Erik stopped, his own breathing coming in short breaths and smoothed a hand over her spine. 

"You okay?" he whispered. He was shaking with the effort to stay still. 

"Yeah, yeah. It's just been a while," she whispered back. He pushed until their hips met and he stopped to press open kisses over her shoulders. When she began wiggling against him, he pulled back slightly and pressed forward and damn near melted. Ada called his name out. 

It was perfect, better than he'd remembered. He could die right there and be happy. "Ada..."he whispered. He felt like he could cum right then but he was determined to hold out. He pulled back again and snapped his hips forward again. Her moans were loud and Erik knew her neighbors would absolutely know what was going on in apartment 6D. It was hard to hold himself from being rough with her the way he wanted to be, the way he knew she loved it but he didn't want to hurt the baby, even with Ada's reassurances. Still it was enough, more than enough. 

Ada's insides were fluttering around him squeezing him tightly with her orgasm and he grunted still thrusting before he felt his own release come rushing out of him. He laced their fingers together, releasing her death grip on her the sheets while she still orgasmed around him. When they were finished, he pulled himself from her, their groans mingling together, before he flopped himself on his back. Erik extended an arm in Ada's direction and she curled up next to him, pressing her face into his neck and slinging a leg over his hip, reminiscent of the position they woke up in that morning. He smoothed a hand over her hair and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before losing himself in her lips. Their kisses slowed as Ada drifted off from the extra workout but sleep didn't come easy for Erik. He matched his breaths with hers until he felt his eyes close. 

Ada waddled to the bathroom, looking over her shoulder at Erik. He was sprawled across the bed, knocked out after their second round. He'd woken her up to slide inside her, the two of them on their sides facing each other. Their lips slipped and glided together while he thrusted until Ada was shaking in his arms and tears were rolling down her cheeks. But that was then and now she had to pee and clean up a little from multiple rounds of sex. 

As she sat on the toilet, she hummed to herself. She felt light emotionally since he hadn't spurned her advances—not that she'd thought he would, but it was still nice to have confirmation that he wanted her as bad as she'd been wanting him. She reached behind her to unclasp her bra and slide the straps over her shoulders and then got toilet paper to wipe herself. As she stood to flush and wash her hands, she felt a trickling down her leg.

"Damn, I must not have wiped good," she muttered to herself. She was a hot mess of a pregnant woman...

Except it wasn't pee, she realized very quickly. There was a gushing sound and Ada was standing in a puddle. Her water had broken and the baby was coming.

[fel1verse]

lee taeyeon, a comprehensive career timeline (debut (2016) — 2019), pt. i

2016

the first year of indigo's lifespan feels a little bit like something taeyeon only half-experiences, but that probably has more to do with the sleep deprivation than the objective surrealism of it all. overnight, it seems, he's catching kids in the hallways at school taking pictures of him through classroom windows, whenever time allows for him to physically show up, swarmed by people in passing who might have otherwise only spared him a glance. on-screen, when the music videos and performances have all been done and dusted and they're marketing themselves on variety shows, he's not entirely sure what he's doing, but it seems to be working. he's naive, gives too much of himself over for consumption, and it leaves too little room for separation between lee taeyeon, the person and lee taeyeon, the face of indigo. he's loved, undoubtedly, and rises to a level of popularity that no teenager is equipped to handle, but he's so incredibly tired that he doesn't even have the bandwidth to process it. they're four releases deep before the end of the year. taeyeon keeps going.

he doesn't think he ever cries quite as hard as he does when their work pays off in recognition during award ceremonies. it all happens so quickly and maybe it's awe, dread, on tougher days, that washes over him when he realizes that it's only just begun.

highlights: album of the year, artist of the year, best male group at multiple award shows; record amount of music show wins with growl; special host on multiple episodes of weekly idol

2017

still rookies, despite the massive success they achieved so early on, the year after debut becomes one crafted with the intent of solidifying their position as a critically acclaimed and highly anticipated boy group among a growing sea of competition. as the face of the group and the de facto representative in all matters not covered by their leader, taeyeon is held up, bounced around from place to place for everyone to see with "indigo" in massive letters across his forehead. of course, he's not always alone, oftentimes appearing on variety shows and at brand events alongside another member, but when he is, it feels intentional. for half the year, there's hardly any schedule that management says "no," to, the rare occasion being conflicts with group promotion. he takes his job seriously, shoves any wayward stress to the deep recesses of his mind, eats when he can and puts a smile on his face because it's the least he can do.

every day he's reminded of how many people would kill to be in his position, would kill to be any one of the members, and aren't your members working hard, too, lee taeyeon? should the world stop turning for you?

there are ways around exhaustion, humanity. he learns.

highlights: law of the jungle, music bank mc, host of mbc gayo daejejeon, various one-off variety show appearances and commercial brand endorsements, first solo magazine cover

2018 - 2019

if you were to ask taeyeon what these two years of his life encompass, he'd probably answer with something like in-flight movies and falling asleep during english classes, but, to the common outsider, 2018 and 2019 are the years that truly globalize indigo. they also happen to serve as a point in time where all pretenses are abandoned and taeyeon's impending adulthood makes him free game.

publicly, he gets painted as a noona lover, scripted to flirt with women twice his age on tv shows, fully grown into his looks and unprotected in all the ways that matter. he doesn't think much of it, not really, flirting has always been apart of the job, but then his body becomes the focus. he's pushed to diet, told to cut down on how much he eats to chisel out; told to work out so he'd be toned enough to wear flowy shirts and crop tops. as much as he's always been, he is commodified and rebranded, an early pivot from the charming, mischievous little boy he'd been thus far to a man.

he has an early birthday. they celebrate with blood sweat and tears.

highlights: lyrical and compositional credits on wings album (intro: boy meets evil, lie, MAMA, cypher 4, 21st century girl), cast as "ato" in the miracle we met, viral fancam

[thinktank2024-max-love]

Andy Robinson

Andy Robinson is a front of house engineer/production manager and has been working in live music for 13 years spanning a range of different jobs/roles along the way. Whilst studying at De Montfort university in Leicester, he started to do volunteer to local venues/rental companies and worked his way to the sound desk. A pivotal moment starting off for Andy was working his way into O2 academy, “I went to a club night and there was a guy packing down a mixing desk, so I asked him if I could get work experience.” After persisting, Andy was able to work his way to securing a paid job which is where he met Wolf Alice. “Ended up on tour with them for a year, and off the back off that I’ve been able to make enough contacts to be able to tour for the last 10 years.”  

This kick started his career as a touring freelance FOH engineer and has been regularly touring all year round for the best part of 10 years working with artists such as Raye, Beabadoobee and Ashnikko.   

It is vital that Andy can accommodate what the artist is requesting but staying within budget and being able to hire all the required people and equipment to do so. With this, comes a lot of compromising and effective communication, interpersonal skills and being able to adapt to new situations/issues to make the show possible.  

Touring is a mixed bag with its opportunities come a full range of responsibilities and roles which can affect people differently. Both physical and mental health was a theme when talking about his working life and how important it is to take care of yourself. You are often expected to work long and unsocial hours (in Andys case even beyond 24 hours), you’re constantly travelling and are expected to live an unhealthy lifestyle and to work in often horrible, dirty venues. Which expectantly is not great for one's mental health over time with the mixture of poor options for food, sleep deprivation and high stress situations.  

Unfortunately, it's no surprise that the music industry can be an incredibly difficult one to be in, from the performer to the engineers. In 2019, a study by Swedish digital platform Record Union concluded that “73% of independent musicians struggle with mental illness. Which increases to 80% when looking at ages 18-25.” (Musicians Union, 2023).  

Irregular working patterns, unsociable hours and even safeguarding issues like sexual harassment are all factors into musicians and engineers' poor mental health. Especially as “1 in 5 people in the UK are neurodivergent”. And from research carried out by AFEM and the Musicians Census its suggested that this figure is higher in the music industry. (Musicians Union, 2023). It can be especially hard for those who have mental health conditions which adds more to the workload when sometimes the world isn’t wired the same as yourself. 

Thankfully awareness and support for mental health for people working specifically in the music industry is increasing each year. Confidential counselling from organisations like Music Minds Matter and specialist support groups around drugs and alcohol abuse such as Music Support are so vital. Andy mentions in his talk that there is “a lot less drinking involved these days”, people are going for coffees instead which is a great step forward for young musicians starting out. 

Tackling drug and alcohol abuse has always been an issue within the industry, and it's encouraging to hear that musicians have places to go such as Music Support. A 24/7 helpline consisting of volunteers who have experience in music business who can offer support for those struggling with urgent issues regarding addiction and mental health issues. Because it is hard to manage all these work-related issues and responsibilities on top of being, in Andy’s case, on the road away from loved one's 200+ days a year. And personally, I know so many musicians and engineers who are neurodivergent or have anxiety and it can really make you feel like you’re not built for the environments around you. Especially if you’re constantly moving about to unfamiliar surroundings.  

[howiwashealed]

Breakdown Of Events

I had to go in circles to figure this out. My advice would be to document everything as I have done to make a timeline from the start and keep everything organised, blood tests, MRI’s, hair tests anything kind of medical history.

There has to be an origin point where your problems started, mine was this.

On July 27th 2017, I was finishing band rehearsal late at night and was packing up my car getting ready to go home. I picked up an Orange 4x12 Cabinet and whilst loading it into my car felt an electrical zap in my lower left back (sacrum) in a straight line all the way up to behind my left ear. I didn't like the feeling and felt a little panic at the time because who would like to have that sensation in the body. So the following weeks the only injury I had was a little numbness to my left ring and pinky finger.

Fast forward to 2019 I spent the year being so frustrated with life not going the way I wanted that I stopped eating as much and stopped playing music. I began to crack my neck towards the left everyday and was constantly angry.

Then in March 2020 I woke up one day where everything looked as someone had tilted the entire world to the right. Believing my neck was the cause of the issue I went to see my first ever chiropractor and that's when everything began to go downhill.

I saw my first chiropractor April 2020 and is the reason for this blog. At the time I was underweight, skin and bones due to me eating less because my colitis was flaring up and I found by eating less often I could avoid pain. I kind took fasting to the extreme. My diet was pretty much a coffee with a couple oreo’s in the morning, rice and fish for lunch and then for dinner if I could be bothered I’d cook chicken and rice. 

My Chiro at the time was very charismatic and sociable who explained to me that my whole body was outta whack and how I needed to heal my stomach. I began to get weekly adjustments and each time I would feel worse. I couldn’t figure out why. Initially I thought maybe that’s just what happens to the body as it’s being put into a new alignment but each time the treatments got rougher and I began to feel more drunk, like I was living life in a haze. Around the 4th adjustment I had my neck pulled back and then rapidly twisted. I remember hearing a click and driving home with no change. However 30 mins after getting home and sitting on the floor, I had my first ever panic attack. Something definitely didn't feel right in my body. I once again put it down to stress, thinking there's no way a Chiro could hurt me, when he’s so busy with a revolving door of clients.

I wasn't able to sit without feeling this panic sensation, so I’d opt to walk around or stand. The drunk feeling was 24/7 akin to if you’d spin around on a ride at a playground and then after a minute you'd almost regain your equilibrium but not quite fully. That’s exactly what I had 24/7 hell.

Anytime I’d have to sit I’d slouch so my chin would rest on my chest so I'd gain some stability. Insomnia started and god that was awful. In between sleep, I’d be laying in bed and it felt like I was on a boat moving up and down in turbulent sea. My teeth that were never an issue before began to become sensitive to hot and cold temperatures liquids. 

Heeding my charming chiro’s advice that everything I was feeling was dietary related, I began to eat less red meat thinking the acidity was making it harder to heal my stomach. I did a hair mineral analysis test with Interclinical Laboratories. My results showed a massive toxicity of copper, it was through the roof. So I went down a journey learning about copper toxicity and how it could be giving me all my symptoms and problems. I bought the best supplements I could find LipoNaturals - Vitamin C and began megadosing 5-10grams a day hoping to bring down my levels and alleviate my symptoms.

[wednesday5econlive]

Returning to Dorm Life after COVID: Coase Theorem and Externality of Gaming Equipment

Camden Diskowski, 11715020, cdiskows@uci.edu

After learning about the Coase Theorem in week 7, I was reminded of this scenario with my roommate. Coase Theorem states private entities can solve problems among themselves; the interested parties can reach a bargain in which everyone is better off, regardless of the initial distribution of rights.

Over the pandemic, I got accustomed to a relatively quiet place to sleep. Since in-person learning resumed in 2021, I have been living in dorms.  I found myself reliving similar experiences to my freshman year in 2019. 

My current roommate had the loudest gaming keyboard in the world. Each key makes a clack you can hear through music with silicone earbuds, or even through the door down the hall. He can type very rapidly, so there is an overall sound profile similar to a naval minigun or a giant robot centipede scurrying. The loud keyboard imposed a negative externality of psychological trauma on me. Without the Coase Theorem, the socially efficient outcome is he continues using the keyboard. We equally share the room, but his property right to use his computer outweighs the disturbance to me. 

His birthday was coming up, so this was a good opportunity to get a gift for him and myself. I figured that the stress and lost sleep through the year would be worth the cost of a sturdier, quieter, keyboard. When I told him about it, he was very understanding and he said he greatly appreciates the gift. I looked online for quiet gaming keyboards and found a good option within a reasonable budget. Now we are both in a better situation. He has a nicer keyboard, and my improved sleep and reduced cortisol for the rest of the year is worth the price. 

The Coase Theorem is applicable to this situation: 

We could identify who has property rights. He has the right to use his keyboard. He doesn’t need my permission to use it. He was personally fine using his existing keyboard, so he wasn’t going to buy a new one by himself. Requesting he tries to type more quietly was not a feasible long-term solution either.

The externality is readily apparent.

The transaction costs are low, there was no contract and we can easily communicate. All I had to do was pay and order the keyboard from Best Buy.

There were just two parties involved. It was just me and my roommate. With multiple parties, the Coase Theorem can break down due to the chaos of many competing interests

Bargaining was easy, it was mostly as a birthday gift so he didn’t pay anything. I just had to find one with the features he wanted (numpad, lights) that was also sturdy, quiet, and within a reasonable budget.

[wonniesmile]

❥ about ellie

⤷ enhypen’s 8th member

stage name: ellie

birth name:

octavia elise hwang (english name)

hwang aera (korean name)

position: main dancer, lead vocalist, face of the group

birthday: september 3, 2004

zodiac: virgo sun, aries moon, libra rising

height: 168cm

blood type: AB

mbti: enfj-t

representative emoticon: 🦦

birthplace: brisbane, australia

ethnicity: 1/4 french, 1/4 taiwanese, 2/4 korean

languages:

fluently- english, french, japanese, korean

learning- spanish

companies:

sm ent (2018-2019)

belift (2019-present)

- her fandom name during i-land was “mae flowers”

- she’s been dancing since the age of 5

- she’s been dancing since the age of 5

- took every single type of dance so she is very versatile

- in between her dancing practices, she took figure skating

- isn’t national level like sunghoon was, but she’s still pretty good

- she goes to hanlim arts high school

- she says she learned japanese by watching anime (has a major obsession with anime)

- loves cats and dogs and really wants a cat but jay is allergic

- she plays a multitude of instruments

- learns very fast

- members say that she is a very good listener and always gives the best advice

- gets scared easily but loves haunted houses, horror movies, and true crime documentaries

- went viral for her predebut photos and her light brown eyes

- says she got her eye color from her mom

- her favorite color is pink

- loves teasing her members

- cleans a lot when she’s stressed out

- sleeps a lot as well

- overthinker

- is the most active on their socials (weverse especially)

- facial expression master next to sunoo

- dance genius next to ni-ki

- insane vocal range

- she loves to switch up languages while she speaks because she thinks its funny when people react to it

- she loves to store food in her cheeks sometimes and it makes her look like a chipmunk

- she has a twin brother

- she has two cats and a goldendoodle back at home in canada.

⭒ self-revised profile

- specialties: facial expressions, face, dance, dance, dance, voice, and languages

- hobbies: listening to music, posting on weverse, and ramen

- charming point: light eyes, face, expressions, and dance

- likes: members, niki , snow, flowers, and LEE HEESEUNG

- dislikes: loud chewers and messy things

- nicknames: dance genius, via, ellie, chipmunk

- motto: “be happy.”

history: !(tw//mentions of bullying/depression)!

- family members: mom (38), dad (40), twin brother (16)

- her french/taiwanese side is from her mom and her dad is korean

- close to her parents and her brother (though they do get into fights a lot)

- she got casted while shopping with her friend at a mall in canada, a staff member from sm just so happened to be there at the same time as her (thought it was a scam, but did it anyways)

- she left sm early 2019 due to constant bullying from other trainees, her mental health couldn’t handle it and she suffered from severe depression

- went on a hiatus for a couple months but realize she wanted to pursue her dream even after all she went through.

- signed with belift after a belift staff saw her walking the streets of korea and thought she’d fit perfectly into i-land.

⭒ claims

face claim:

click here

dance claim:

(kaycee rice): click here

(lisa - blackpink): click here

voice claim:

(yuri - izone): click here

⭒ pre-debut photos

[jjfics]

On The Run | 01

ship: Five Hargreeves x Female!Reader 

summary: The Hargreeves have to leave the Academy behind and run away to Dallas, Texas. The Reader is a lot more anxious than Five and thats understandable, but they need to focus.

series: read part 2 here

author: jane jack aka your girl jjfics 

words: 1950

warnings: mentions of blood, death and murder, (feelings of uncertainty and anxiety, flashbacks) and lots of angssst (why do i love writing angst thoughh??)

a/n: there will definitely be a part 2 so keep those notifications in checkk

It felt as if you could read everyone else’s thoughts through the silence. The car kept moving at a fast speed as you passed cities and villages. From time to time you would worry Five was going to lose control of the car, but he never even flinched. 

He just looked at the road before you; stress and worry were clear in his eyes. There was so much he needed to figure out. Who were you going to be from now on? And him? And his siblings? Were you going to hide forever? 

“Five” you whispered. He didn’t hear you. Or maybe he did and he chose to ignore you. “Five” you said again, this time catching his attention. 

He turned to look at you for a moment and then he focused on the road again.“What?” 

“Can we stop for 5 minutes at the next gas station, please? I have to wash my hands.” you said quietly looking down. 

He pursed his lips before he spoke again. “No.” Five was just being direct. The more time it took you to get to Dallas, the more vulnerable you became. 

Dallas…

You fell through the vortex a couple of months before Five arrived. With no idea where the others went or how to find them, it was really just you, all alone. You were the last one Elliot took a picture of before the chaos of the second apocalypse began. The alley was strange, and so were the people. Everything was different here. You were disoriented and scared. According to the confused strangers when you asked them the date, you were somewhere way before your birth.

First thing you realise when you don’t even have a home anymore is that you need money. It can be so crucial. But how will you, a nobody in the 60s, survive if all you knew how to do, was sing? Music was how you met your best friend Vanya for the first time: at an audition. And after that followed the concerts. The public loved the two of you.

So you did what you did best. 

One day, while walking aimlessly on the busy streets, searching for a place selling cheap food, you started singing your favourite song. A song no one around had ever heard, a song you danced to with Five once. People started to gather around you and listen as you went on. This was it, this is where you were in your element. Your father forced you to take singing lessons when you were four. You didn’t enjoy it at first, but you grew up to love it. People clapped and left you money before going on about their day. So you ended up spending the entire day there. By nightfall you had been given enough money for the whole week. 

You were leaning on a cold brick wall and eating a sandwich when you saw someone drop a newspaper. Curiously, you grabbed it and were shocked by the headline. 

“Young woman sings in front of a bakery stealing every Texan’s heart. Who is the mysterious singer to whom many would empty their pockets for a show? 

You had been living in an apartment above The Rosemary Club, the place you worked at now. You sang almost every night and earned a lot of money and visitors for your boss, so he let you stay there. 

One night, you had a special visitor. He wasn’t there to see you specifically; he was working, just like you. Luther went everywhere his boss went, he was his bodyguard. You made eye contact a couple of times but never spoke on that evening. You couldn’t even look at him without cringing away. Not after what he did to Vanya. Five might say that she’s the bomb, but in your mind, that bomb was pretty much activated by Luther.He tried to talk to you but you avoided him as much as possible. 

“y/n! Wait, stop running away, God!” 

“What do you want, Luther?” you gave him a cold look.

“To talk to you? Isn’t that what normal people do after they haven’t seen each other for a long time?” he asks. 

“I don’t want to talk to you.” you said and ordered a drink. 

“Jesus, y/n, what's wrong with you?”

“Do I have to remind you that we’re here because of you?”

“Because of me? What do you mean, didn’t you see how Vanya literally destroyed the M-”

“Shut up. I don’t care.” you cut him off. “Have you met anyone else besides me, you stalker?”

“No.” he admitted. ”I tried searching for Allison but they haven’t found her yet.” 

“Right. Amazing. Five? No news about him either?” His expression softens. He knew about your relationship with Five, and how much you two meant for each other. 

“No, I’m really sorry. I don’t know where he is…” his voice only getting smaller when he saw the disappointment in your eyes.

You looked up from your drink and to the big man next you. “Then you can leave. I have to go get dressed.” You put your glass on the counter and left.

Your days in Dallas were easy. Life was always the same and you knew what to expect. Sometimes Luther and his boss would show up at the club and you would ignore each other. You sang, you were introduced to some people and you would make small talk with the bartender. Day after day, always missing your friends. Missing 2019. Missing Five. Your life was easy, but you were alone for the most part. You missed cuddling with Five before you went to sleep together and then waking up in his arms. You missed how he would come and pick you up after practise. How he would kiss you after every concert and tell you how proud he was of you. You missed him truly. 

The bow to the public mixed with a charismatic smile and a wave was how you always ended a good show. Walking off stage you rolled your eyes when you saw who came towards you. 

“There’s someone who would like to talk to you.” he said with a stupid smile planted on his face.

“I’m on break.” you tried to walk away. Luther grabbed your arm and spun you around so you would be facing him again. “Hey! What are you doing? Back off!”

“Believe me, y/n, you really should go talk to him” 

You eyed him suspiciously. “Well alright then.” you said sarcastically. “But keep your hands to yourself.” 

“Yeah, right, sorry.” he said and stepped to the side . “Come with me, he’s waiting outside.” he babbled before leading you to the main entrance of the club, one which neither of you used. This all seemed sketchy. If he was trying to kidnap you, I’d be no surprise. 

The air outside was cooler than usual. You crossed your arms and huffed. 

And then you saw him. Right there, alive and in front of you. He was well. He survived. 

He was still wearing his uniform, which was clean. He must've just arrived. 

You ran to him as fast your red heels allowed you to and he met you with a warm embrace. He still smelled exactly like himself. A day to him, months for you. Is this what it felt like for him when he was stuck in the future? You hugged him tight and inhaled his scent deeply trying to forget all these nights you cried, hoping he would come through the door and hug you. Hoping he would materialize in front of you like he did for his father’s funeral.

The man still looked young, but you knew damn well who he was. He wasn’t someone you’d forget that easily. Finally, he was here, with you. 

He pulled away and it almost pained you. It was crazy, of course, to think that after all this time you’d lose him again, but even as much as moving an inch scared you now that he was right here. 

“y/n.”

“Five”

Your lips melted together in the most awaited kiss of the century. Of all time maybe. His hands glued themselves to your waist again and you saw him perfectly in the dim light of the alley.

Your eyes were empty. You wanted to wipe your hands but the blood on them had dried already. 

“Five, please I need to wash my hands. I need to- I- I have to wash it all away- Please” 

He hated that he had to hear you beg and yet he couldn't stop. It’s for her own safety, it’s for our safety, he would think. 

“y/n we can’t stop now. Even 5 minutes could mean our deaths right now. Please understand” 

And you wanted to understand. You wanted to stay calm just like the rest, but they were trained. They’ve done such things before. You however, didn’t. Everytime you looked at your lap you saw her again. Laying there, lifeless. You saw the knife as it fell from your hands, making an awful sound when it hit the floor. Maybe if you’d wash them, the flashbacks would stop. 

“Please, I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t be like this. This is not- It’s not-” 

Your breath was uncontrolled. Everytime you closed your eyes, you saw her again. Everytime you would inhale, she would exhale for the last time, again, and again, and again. You were fully sobbing now. 

Vanya’s hand softly touched your shoulder from the back seat and you flinched. “Shh, it’s just me” she cooed “It’s just me” 

You tried to relax a bit and then spoke again, hoping to get it right this time.

“I’m a bad person, Five. I just killed an innocent woman and… and I have her blood all over my hands.” you looked at him to find he was already looking at you. Guilt and regret were visible on his face. “I’m a killer, Five.” you wept. 

He reached your cheek with one hand and wiped your tears away. “She wasn’t innocent” he stated. “She’s killed many people.”

“That doesn’t mean I’m any less of a killer” 

“Well, then. I’m a killer too. More or less than my siblings here. So we are all on the same team.” he spoke calmly, as if the Hargreeves discussed murder at the dinner table every evening. Thinking about it twice there’s a big chance they did, when the old man was still alive at least.

“But you killed to survive, Five. You had to. I didn’t but she’s dead now.”

He huffed in annoyance. She’s not used to this. Take it slowly, he thought.

“You had to, too, y/n. It was self defence. If it wasn’t her then… well then let’s not think about it” he finished. Then I would be the one dead, you added, but only in your head because you knew how much he hated thinking about anything bad happening to you. He wanted you safe. You wanted him safe.

“Okay then. But as soon as we’re in Dallas we’ll stop and get new clothes.” you started to come back to your senses again. Right. You need to get to the city and find a way to trick the Commision. Or maybe you needed to hide. Or just freshen up and get on the road again. You didn’t know exactly what you were going to do, but if anyone found the map Diego was holding in his lap right now, they’d know exactly what your first stop was going to be. The Rosemary Club.

[ageofevermore]

falling with grace | i

Summary → lilah’s a newly single mom, tom is her charming english co-star 

Words → 1.6k

Warnings → mentions of divorce, hints to anxiety and anxious behaviors, fluff 

Notes → this has been in my drafts since early 2019. i stumbled across it, so i fixed it up for a cute tom slowburn !! big big big thank you to @hollands-taste​ + @theamazingtomholland​ for hyping me up ahead of time, and for @killingbxys​ listening to me rant for hours on end !! 

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The sun is unruly in it’s entry, wild in the background. Blonde wisps of hair blow into her face routinely and a little hand comes up to rub sleep from her eyes. The sky is a canvas of wild pastels, the morning just barely upon New York.

Lilah smiles gently as she rubs a delicate pattern into her daughter's warm skin, hoping to keep the toddler asleep for at least another hour or so. Her eyes catch sight of a crew member off in the distance. They’re preparing for a busy few weeks, though things are never anything but organized on warner brothers sound stages as they produce marvel magic.

Lilah breathed out a gentle sigh of relief when she felt her daughter's weight drop, and the telltale steady breaths dance across her neck. She shifted her bag up higher onto her shoulder, escaping the early morning sunrise into her trailer. As always, Lilah leaves the door open, anticipating the arrival of her co-star. The sun brightened her trailer as it rose fully, the sky a brilliant bright blue that teasingly reminded her of what is not yet the past. 

"Hey." Zendaya greets in a whisper, "You've got Gray today?"

The toddler is sprawled out in a pack-in-play, wisps of blonde hair unruly with sleep. Zendaya frowns, watching closely as the façade Lilah built crumbles. The older blonde buries her head in her hands, heaving a heavy and heartbroken sign.  

"William’s plane got delayed. He doesn't know when he'll be up to get her." Lilah ranted, lifting her head only to glance over at her sleeping toddler. This entire situation wasn’t fair to her. 

The stress of a divorce, motherhood, and a movie had been weighing Lilah down for months, and the perfect life she constructed for herself and her daughter seemed to be falling apart. Even then, Lilah tried to make the best of her less-than-ideal situation. 

"I'm always here if you need me, Li," Zendaya reminded with a small smile of encouragement, grabbing onto Lilah’s hands and giving them both a gentle squeeze. "You don't have to do this alone."

Lilah returned the smile, letting silence speak for her. She was never good with dependency and communication, but with Zendaya as her support system, she didn’t have to be. The two actresses went over their sides, wordlessly supporting one another.  

"Good Morning.” Tom peeked his head into the trailer, a warm smile on his face. Lilah couldn’t help but smile back at him. 

Lilah couldn’t help but notice that the English actor was dressed in grey sweatpants, white strings hanging untied, and a white tank top that perfectly showcased his defined biceps. A blush traveled up Lilah’s neck, and she forced her eyes away from Tom before he could notice that she was staring. 

"Hey. How's Tessa?" Zendaya asked, looking up from her sides to greet Tom. He took a seat on the couch opposite the two girls, a luminescent grin brightening his features as he caught sight of the princess sporting toddler sprawled out in the pack-n-play. 

Tom’s throat went dry while he racked his memory for who Tessa was. He’d been lost in a thought, one that involved himself and Lilah hours away from New York. He scolded himself for running away with the thought, pulling his gaze from Grace and instead refocusing on Zendaya with a boyish blush he hopes she won’t notice.

"She’s healing, keeps running into the walls though." He let out a small, nervous chuckle, scratching at the back of his neck. Lilah and Zendaya both quirk an eyebrow at him, but before they can ask, a head pops into the trailer and calls both women to makeup.

Lilah bites her lip, watching her daughter’s back rise and fall with the gentle motion of sleep. “Do you want me to stay with her?” Tom asks softly, picking up on the uncertainty in Lilah’s posture. 

“I couldn’t ask you to do that, Tom. I’ll just take her with me.” Lilah advances towards the pack-n-play somewhat possessively, distress in her eyes as she looks startled by Tom's offer. 

Tom smiles at the young mother, absolutely amazed by her strength, yet wishing she would let him in. “Don’t worry about it, Lies.” 

“Are you sure?” She falters, eyes falling upon Grace with guilt. She feels bad leaving her daughter in somebody else’s care, especially now, while she’s in the middle of a divorce. “I don’t want you to feel like you half to--” 

“I don’t.” Tom shakes his head, a soft promise in the words he’s spoken. “Let me help you, yeah?” 

Lilah, though reluctantly, nods her head in agreement. 

— ☆ —

Lilah smiled softly at Zendaya, finding the taller girl already set up in the hair and makeup trailer. Her mind was still heavy on Tom and Grace, but she tried to refocus her energy on the day of work ahead of her. 

“You know, Tom is really good with her.” Zendaya mimed, looking over at Lilah with a gentle smile as to not seem like she was intending to overstepping. Nobody really knew where the boundaries were with Lilah, especially now. “I’m pretty sure they had a tea party last week.” 

Lilah grinned. Her daughter was fascinated with the little british mannerisms Tom and Harry carried, and both brothers were more than willing to play-up their accents. It was no great surprise that they had taken it a step further and had a tea party with her toddler. Lilah's heart swelled at the thought, her cheeks turning crimson. Worries of William had fallen behind her for the time being, and a gentle happiness returned to her heart. 

Zendaya smiled, seeing the soft switch in Lilah. They’d been friends for years, even prior to their entry in the MCU, but things with William had really taken a toll on Lilah; even before she had filed for divorce. Zendaya was glad to see that happiness hadn’t completely abandoned her. 

"It's lively in here today." Jake smiled when he came in, his entrance just barely heard over Lilah and Zendaya. 

For the first time in days, Lilah smiled fully and authentically; dimples carving into her cheeks that had begun to ache from laughing so hard. She felt tetherless, for the first time in weeks like absolutely nothing was holding her down.

The makeup artists finished up on her shortly after Jake came in. She smiled thickly at both of her co-stars, standing up from the makeup chair with a gentle groan, wincing at the way her thighs had stuck to the seat. 

“Alright. See you later.” She waved, laughing softly when Jake insisted on kissing her head before she left to find Tom. 

— ☆ —

When Lilah walked into her trailer, she smiled seeing Tom asleep on the couch. His shoes had been kicked off, and it looked like he had tried to throw a blanket over himself before he fell asleep. She couldn’t blame him, it was only slightly past eight in the morning.  

She had picked up her costume on the way back to her trailer, and without making too much noise, she slipped past Tom and Grace to change. On her way to the bathroom, she fixed the blanket over Tom’s naked shoulders, grinning at the way he subconsciously curled into the soft cotton. 

Acting was an escape for Lilah. She’d started when she was only young, through musicals and local commercial auditions, and somehow, she’d gotten her chance. 

"Oh, hey." Tom yawns, sitting up on the couch, dropping the blanket into his lap. Lilah smiled amusedly at him, offering a shy smile and a wave. 

She sits down opposite Tom, picking up the sides that had been half-heartedly highlighted the previous night. “Thanks for watching her.” She diverts her attention to the lines she knows three times over, avoiding Tom’s heavy stare on her. “It’s just, she was meant to be with William, and things came up for him. Everything was so last minute, and I couldn’t find anyone--”

“It’s no problem, Li. If you need someone for tomorrow, I’m free.” Tom disregarded Lilah’s babbling, reaching forward to squeeze her knee. He hated when she got like this; so inwardly shy and ashamed of her life.

 He wished she had at least a small understanding of how admirable and strong she truly is. She doesn’t see herself the way he sees her, though, and it tears him apart inside. 

This was Lilah. His sweet best friend that was losing herself in a divorce. She’s really just a kid, but she’s got her own child to worry about before herself, and Tom worries. He wonders when the last time somebody looked out for her was. Tom wanted to help her in any way that he could, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her. He knew what this could look like. Like, he was trying to make a move while she was at her lowest, but that’s not the reality of his intentions at all. 

"That would be really helpful." Lilah shyly admits, tempted to throw her arms around Tom and let herself melt into his chest, but she barely restrains herself, settling for squeezing at his hand that still rests on her thigh. "Are you sure that's how you want to spend your day off? What about Harry?"

Lilah hates burdening others with Grace, especially her friends. She’s suffered enough scrutiny from the media, not even to begin on her own amplified concerns and anxieties towards parenting.

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure. She's an angel, Li." Tom smiled, nodding towards Grace who is still sound asleep in the pack-n-play. He searches Lilah’s eyes, finding gentle flicks of yellow twisted into green. 

Lilah’s eyes are his new favorite color.

"Thank you. For everything." Lilah reaches forward, hugging Tom and relishing in the way his arms wrap tightly around her middle. Tom doesn’t make any objections to Lilah’s affection, wishing he could hold her like this every day. 

He doesn’t know what he feels for Lilah, but he knows she belongs in his arms, and he never wants to let her go. 

taglist (urls with a strike through won’t let my tag) →

@deionswannabegirl @killingbxys @mauvesdior @mischiefandi @dmonchld @waddlenut @tanakaslastbraincell @hollandsxheart @quacksonhehe @tothemoonandbackx3000 @stiles-o-dylan24 @tikapollak @tomthetease @spookybooisa @geminiparkers @teen–marvel @rogersparkerbarnes @sarcasticallywitty15 @anapocalypseinmymind @stillmanicc @sonnydoesrandomshit @buckybarnesbiiitch @itsbieberxholland @lmaotshollandd @spideyspeaches @stillmanicc @mymilliefrommarketing @jess-holland23 @sararora11 @sambucky8 @cosmiccaptian @spideysensesl @lillucyandthejets @strawberrytom @thollandstuff @lharrietg @hollandswife @brisildadauti @themaddies-obx @hmw696

[nct-jihee]

Jihee (NCT) Profile: Jihee Facts and Ideal Type

Name: Jihee (지희)

Birth Name: Um Jihee (엄지희)

Position: Main Dancer, Main Vocalist

Birthday: May 28, 1997

Zodiac Sign: Gemini

Birthplace: Incheon, South Korea

Height: 165 cm (5’4″)

Weight: 45 kg (99 lbs)

Blood Type: O

MBTI Type: ENFP

Jihee Facts:

—She was born in Incheon, South Korea.

—Education: Hanlim Multi Art School.

—Jihee has an older brother.

—Her nicknames are: JiJi (by the fandom) and her members call her different things.

—Jihee lived in Manchester, England for about 3 years (from when she was 4 till 7 years old).

—Fluent in English.

—Her father gave her "June" as her English name because her teachers and some friends couldn't pronounce "Jihee".

—Currently she has three tattoos.

—She loves sports: football soccer, swimming, volleyball, and archery.

—Jihee has a little nephew and she claims to be the best aunt.

—Jihee admits that she didn't like school at all, but is good at Chemistry and Maths.

—Since she was young she was a bit hyperactive and was easily distracted. She is still like that sometimes, but in a lesser amount.

—She plays guitar and bass.

—Can be really sensitive.

—When Jihee is stressed, she cries.

—She's really messy.

—Jihee doesn't like sasaengs and antis — absolutely hates them.

—Loves to use sarcasm but please never use it on her.

—Wanted to study Criminology.

—She was scouted by JYP Entertainment and Cube Entertainment.

—Jihee has been learning Japanese for years now because she wants to talk with Yuta all the time (Weekly Idol Ep. 347).

—Jihee ranked 12th in the "Top 100 Beautiful Faces Of 2018"

—Jihee ranked 4th in the "Top 100 Beautiful Faces Of 2019"

—She's been in love with singing and acting since she was young.

—Jihee participated in musicals a lot when she was in school.

—She's a good liar and always wins mafia game.

—Her sleeping habit: hugging a pillow.

—Lives in the 5th floor and her roommate is Taeyong.

—She didn't lived with her members at the beginning, she shared apartment with one of her managers: Yeonsoo unnie.

—Jihee loves all her members equally, but there's something about Taeil, Taeyong and Yuta that makes her heart feel warm.

—Her favorite animals are dogs and butterflies.

—Her role model is her mother.

—She's not sure what her hobbies are, she likes a lot of things: writing poetry, reading books, painting, swimming, etc.

—Likes cooking but won't like it if the guys force her to cook.

—Enjoys spicy food.

—Hates seafood.

—Favorite food: Meat and Pasta.

—Favorite fruit: Watermelon.

—Favorite season is Winter.

—Favorite color: Yellow and Blue.

—Favorite artist: Alicia Keys and Adele.

—She auditioned with the song: "Talking To The Moon" by Bruno Mars.

—She wasn't a good dancer when she first joined SM, but with effort and dedication she became one of the best dancers in the entertainment and industry.

—On December 9, 2013 she was revealed as a member of SMRookies.

—The same day, SM released a video of Jihee showing her dancing skills with "Upgrade U" by Beyoncé and Jay Z.

—Jihee appeared in Red Velvet’s MV Happiness (2014) at the very beginning.

—She debuted with NCT U first in 2016 and debuted again with NCT 127 in 2017.

—Although Jihee was loved as a member of SMRookies, when she debuted with NCT U she got a lot of hate.

—She says: "I think that helped me, somehow. Cause that made me work harder and, well, here I am." (Vlive, 2019).

—After her debut with NCT U in 2016, for the rest of that year she prepared for her acting debut.

—According to Red Velvet's Wendy: Jihee was the best actress among all the trainees and teachers would always complimented her.

—In 2017 she made her debut as an actress in the drama While You Were Sleeping.

—It was a small rol, but she was well received.

—Red Velvet members said that they all thought that Jihee was going to debut with them, so when they found out that she was actually going to debut in a coed group they were really sad.

—Oldest members of SMRookies, and future members of NCT, were aware of their concept: a coed group. So they knew that a girl would join them, they just didn't know who.

—Jihee likes rapping and she's quite good, so in 2019 SM Entertainment decided to make her a sub rapper.

—Taeyong says she's a totally different person when she is on-stage.

—Haechan genuinely thinks she's the mom of the group, even if she hates to be called that.

—Jihee takes care of the younger members, but it's clear who her favorite is: Renjun.

—Since her debut she has only dyed her hair four times: blonde, pink, red and blue.

—Her natural hair color is dark brown.

—She tries to not have skinship with her members in front of cameras because she wants to avoid any kind of bad comments, although they sometimes hug her or give her kisses on the cheek.

—However, with her best friends and coworkers (cast mates) she doesn't care and hugs them all the time because fans can't and don't have to say anything about it.

—She doesn't like drinking.

—Johnny thinks Jihee is the definition of Social Butterfly.

—Jihee wrote and participated in Hotel del Luna OST - Can You See My Heart.

—She did a duet with SHINee's Key for his album FACE with the song 'Forever Yours'

—Jihee was also featured in EXO-SC '1 Billion Views'

—On November 1st, 2019, SM gave her permission to create her instagram account because she was starting to get recognized as an actress from the drama Extraordinary You, however at that time she was only posting things related to the drama.

—She's really close with TWICE's Sana and Red Velvet's Joy.

—She's in a group chat with female idols from 97 line.

—F(x)'s Krystal, SNSD's Jessica and Tifanny, and Super Junior's Henry used to take care of her when she was a trainee.

—Like Haechan, she is good at Variety Shows.

—Jihee was an MC for Inkigayo with SEVENTEEN's Mingyu.

—In 2019, she was in Law Of The Jungle Ep. 368–372 with Red Velvet's Yeri and iKON's B. I.

—NCT U Line-ups she was apart of: The 7th Sense, Timeless, Boss, Coming Home, and Make a Wish.

—Sub-Unit: NCT U, NCT 127

—Jihee's Ideal Type: Someone who can communicate well with her. Someone kind, funny, and respectful. A family guy. A few years older than her, she wouldn't date someone younger. Jihee wants to be friends first.

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] WayV’s interview with ELLE Korea May 2020 issue!

— Kun

A suffering leader, everyone's Kun —  With a meticulous personality. The pros and cons would be: I think I am the leader thanks to my sense of responsibility and delicacy. [But] when there is too much to take care of, it is a bit cumbersome. There’s no member who gives me a hard time because they all pick on me one by one (laughs). If I had to introduce my hometown, Fujian Province, it's a quiet city with clean air and few people. Many people come to visit because the mountains and the lakes are beautiful. When I think about nature, I start missing my hometown. At school, I was the head of the student council's entertainment department. I might look like a serious person since the members are so active and mischievous, but I'm also a fun person. Times when I feel like we’re one team are when you know what the others are thinking just by the look in their eyes and, when we dance and the movements are 'synchronised'. WayV to me is the comfort of being able to share everything with each other. All the members worry a lot about music so a lot of ideas come out every time we hear new music. It is certainly an advantage that all seven have a lot of desire. I have a bright young voice, but my desire as a vocalist is to have a thicker and more mature voice these days. Wouldn't it suit dance songs that match our [team's] style more than ballads. I graduated in Practical Music. If there is a song I want to arrange: I'm still trying to look for my style while listening to various songs. I want to challenge not only the arrangement but also the composition. I am a good cook. The dishes I recently made for the members are the dishes that I learned from the main chef of the company while I practiced them [on the members]. The menu with the biggest reaction recently was DongPo Pork. When I can't sleep, I deliberately watch low-rated movies and these days, I watch a four-hour-long landscape video shot from a train driver's perspective. It makes me fall asleep really fast (laughs). The most memorable stage after debuting was as expected, MAMA 2019. When I was giving the award speech, my hand that was holding the microphone was shaking and it was all captured [on camera]. What I want to say to myself in hard times is to be confident! The moment you lose your confidence, everything becomes more difficult. The mindset I don't want to lose is to be grateful. Everything I do right now is impossible to do by myself. This is the most important. To Winwin: who has known me the longest among the members! I hope you always take on challenges with courage because I will always be there beside you to support you. Also, all the members know that you are cute.  

— Lucas

Healthy energy, hot Lucas — Between a boy and a man, I feel closer to 100% boy! I don't think I feel mature enough. [Maybe I’m just like] a baby who wants to be a man (laughs). The most impressive man to me is a responsible person. And also, a man who gives everything to his loved ones. Having an attractive rapping sound because of a low and husky voice. My desire to sing is big! I want to sing a sad song. I've heard from people around me that a calm song suits my voice. Like the calm songs of Paul Kim I normally listen to too. My favorite song is "Take Off, The killing point is the dance break, with the powerful guitar riff. Emotion is what is the most important on stage. I believe each song has its own soul, and it is important to immerse yourself. My role in the team is positive energy. Although always looking bright, surprisingly, I have a lot of thoughts. Yesterday too, I had a lot of thoughts before going to bed, so it took me a while to fall asleep. Not long ago, Kun hyung played me a song he had composed and so many ideas came up so I wrote them down and sent it to him. WayV to me is a friendship that feels really deep even though it’s been only a year since I made a debut with the people I love so much. So much that when we come back from a schedule, as we laugh and talk together, the stress will suddenly be gone. The most important thing in a team is to have sincere conversations with each other to understand each other's differences. Only then can we get along well because of the wider understanding. Having appeared in a number of familiar variety shows like the Chinese version of <Running Man> <Let's Run Season 3> I like that I can go to various places the most. It's also a special opportunity to meet people with other jobs and not only artists. I think I'm often called/casted [for these shows] because of my sincere youthful reactions. The mindset I don't want to lose is the promise I made when I debuted to be a good influence on people. That's what I always keep in mind. I want to be a person who always gives positive influence to people, family, and fans around me. To Yangyang: who I know is really smart, you're still a cute little brother to me (laughs)

— Winwin A quiet presence, Winwin — In the reality show <Dream Plan>, mingling well with the elders in the village was impressive. Special trick behind it was thanking them for looking out for me! Since they were all kind natured, I guess treating them with sincerity looked good. When Lucas and I visited their home, we got served a meal and received a warm welcome. A performance video of Ten and I has been released. As a dancer, Ten is a member whose strength is being versatile. He helps the members at dance practices a lot. I’ve learned dancing in a special dance school. At the time I was the shortest and least talkative kid until I grew taller in high school. I’ve spent most of the time practicing alone. Chinese dance is similar to modern dance mixed with ballet. Learning the choreography is fast and it’s an advantage to be skillful in tumbling. I would like to properly showcase a modern dance at a concert someday. When I’m on the stage what I care about the most is my gestures and facial expression. During ‘Take Off’ promotions, the gestures and facial expressions I did during my part varied from stage to stage. I hear that I’m ‘pure’ a lot. A new charm that I want to have: our fans call me ‘Baby Chick’. I want to showcase more of an ‘eagle’ image, so I cut my hair short. Isn’t it similar to Park Saeroy (laugh). Something that makes me angry, although I normally have a good temper is being unsatisfied with stage performance to the point I can’t sleep on that day. But it’s okay to just take a nap. I just need to do better. The most memorable moment in WayV promotions was receiving the Best New Asian Artist Award at the MAMAs, it was the first time we’ve gotten an award together so I was very happy. The reason why I went to Beijing on my own as a middle school student seems to be fate. I passed my exams without much determination, left my hometown and went to school in Beijing where I was noticed and then debuted. Coincidence became fate. To me WayV is a path that we’re talking together, a team with a lot of growth potential. I’d like it if the younger members came to me whenever they need someone. I feel our fans love and support the most when: I’m always amazed and grateful for our fans hearts. All of the people who always look out for us even when we’re not promoting any albums and who support us are an immense source of strength. Success to me is when more people get to know us and we get to perform in many different countries. I want to think about my personal success after my team’s success. To Kun: when members want advice, we reach out to Kun first before our families. He knows a lot, can do a lot, and is a person we can depend on.  

 — Ten

Ten who is curious about what's next rather than what’s now — The secret to adapting well everywhere is attending an international school. I had friends of various nationalities and I also traveled a lot. Wherever I went, I went to see the common [places] first. Learning an unfamiliar culture is fun. I’m learning Thai, English, Korean, Japanese and now working hard at learning Chinese. I memorize expressions that I can use while watching Chinese variety shows and dramas. Although it's still difficult to read the buzzwords and hanja. The most important thing as a performer, and what makes you an outstanding dancer, is to have your own style while not being trapped by masculinity and femininity. I am different now from a few years ago and I'm trying to challenge myself by being flexible in various aspects. What I've learned since debut is, in the case of WayV, that when you work with various genres the main concern is the vocal style and with SuperM, I learned about the importance of performance through the activities [we did]. 'It's important to dance well, but you must also have your own [style]', 'think about what you want to express in front of the camera, but you must be faithful to your feelings on every stage in order to develop [yourself]' is the advice I received from the Hyungs (Baekhyun, Kai, Taemin). For the dance video that I did together with Winwin, the concept, music, settings, and outfits were all decided by us together without the company's advice. I came to realize the difficulties of being a staff member (laughs). I can [now] see the wider picture and more details. I like poetry too. I think poetry expresses emotions. It helps me  understand the world and the society as a person and not as an artist. The lyrics of my 2nd solo song 'New Heroes' feel like an autobiography. If 'Dream in a Dream' was all about the performance then 'New Heroes' is a song about the time spent committing [to something] and I thought anyone can sympathize with that. The [original] lyrics were so great that I asked them not to change it and to just go with it. I want to write lyrics myself someday. The kind of person I want to be is [someone who] always tries to go with the flow as I think that making plans and setting expectations can make it more difficult on yourself. I hope I could be a person who can leave a good impact on others. WayV to me is just like a family who always does everything together and takes care of each other asking ‘have you already eaten?’. Everyone has an open mind to try and accept new challenges. During the 'Moonwalk' promotion period, I was kinda surprised how well we got along. Having received recognition for my skills since debut. The times when the expectations are high are: Art and languages too are ever-evolving disciplines, so it's not easy to keep up. Nevertheless, there are self-expectations and anticipations to show a new side of myself. I will work hard (laughs). I still play Pokemon Go and I'm waiting for the June update. I will catch a lot of new Pokemon again! To Xiaojun: with whom I saw Harry Potter together yesterday! Let's make an appearance in Harry Potter when there is a reboot.

— Hendery

Flexible midfielder, Hendery — Something I’ve gotten into recently is practicing playing drums. Kun hyung is cooking a lot lately so I’ve been reviewing the food too. The other day he made kimchi jjigae so good that it even got an approval from manager hyung. My favourite track is ‘Take Off’. We filmed the music video in Ukraine and spent loads of happy times together, so I feel happier whenever I listen to it. Something I’ve improved on since debut is that recording songs takes less time. When I hear a member of staff say ‘Is this really Hendery’s voice?’ I feel proud of myself. The charm of my vocal is: I’m still looking for it, but I feel like my rap sounds nice when I spice it up with a little melody. Good at giving advice to our members. A tip to giving good advice is: it’s important to have helping and not making decisions in mind. Talk about both bad and good points about the A and B. The secret to always looking like I’m at peace is my parents always telling me ‘Your happiness is the most important. You always have a home to come back to, so work as much as you can enjoy’, thanks to them I grew up as someone with little stress or worries. Mindset that I don’t want to lose is the excitement before going on stage. I think the most important thing for an artist is their greed for performing. When I get on stage the most important is interacting with fans. The most memorable stage was our Korean debut on <Show! Champion>. I couldn’t believe we’re performing Chinese songs in Korea. I was so overwhelmed to see our fans welcoming us so enthusiastically even though they didn’t understand what we were saying. I opened an instagram account recently. My posting plan is ‘This is where I am‘ ‘I am filming today’. I want to showcase my daily self. I hope our fans can smile for a brief moment when they see the pics I had the most fun taking. To me WayV is: I feel empty when I go away to see my family for a little. Every time that happens I facetime them to relieve the sadness. Lucas is the member who picks up the most (laugh). To Lucas: No matter how busy we get, even if we become grandpas, I’ll always be by your side. It’s something I want to say to all of the members, but Lucas is a friend I'm especially attached to so I really wanted to say this. 

— Yangyang

Infinite potential, bold maknae Yangyang — I speak Chinese, German, English Korean and Spanish. Great language skills are useful when you travel. Whenever I talk with friends of various nationalities, I think it's fortunate that I can speak many languages. In our team alone, it's full [with people who speak] Chinese, Thai, English, and Korean (laughs). My role in the team is being the happy virus! Although of course, the hyungs think I'm a maknae that requires a lot of energy from them. WayV to me is a high tension team that can deliver strong and positive energy. If someone shows a slight sign of exhaustion, we immediately stick together and somehow infect each other with energy. I think that such energy is conveyed to fans on stage. If I have learned anything from living together with the members [it would be] the habit I have developed to control my greed and to care for others. I'm used to looking at the other's feelings now before doing something. My favorite song is ‘King of Hearts’, because I participated in writing the lyrics. I also love 'Love Talk' from the 2nd mini album. It is a charming song that is sweet and sexy but has a way to make your body move. My ambition as a rapper is the flow. Because I think this is the aspect that determines the impression of a song from the listener's point of view. I want to be a multi-talented person who is good at not only rapping but also dancing, singing, and writing lyrics. I've always had a lot of ambition. The attractive part of writing lyrics is that I can tell my story, since from a long time ago, I wrote lyrics little by little and it's always fun work. I want to steadily keep doing it. I like Virgil Ablo and Demna Gvasalia, and the fashion icon who caught my eye these days is Mike Amirie. I am drawn to people who have a simple yet clear style. The same goes for musicians. I like people who have a clear style like Travis Scott and A$AP Rocky. I’ve said 'I like who I am' before. Instances when I am especially like myself is when I'm confident. When I have confidence and want to show off, I can show much more than my actual skills. I use SNS to check on NBA and fashion news. I see the news on sneakers I'm looking forward to fast. Surprisingly, I don't look up anything about me [but] when a stage or performance is over I do look up the reactions. Most of them are good, so every time I read, I get energized. To Hendery: hyung, you seem to really get into gaming, but don't try too hard (laughs). 

— Xiaojun

Warm voice, Xiaojun — Something I’m into these days is practicing the songs that will be included in the next album that we are preparing for. Before debuting, I only sang my favorite ballad song, but nowadays, I want to sing songs of other genres such as R&B. I've been uploading videos of me singing on my personal Instagram. My favorite song is ‘Face to Face’. My heart warms up every time I hear it. I really like the lyrics ‘You won’t be lonely because I’ll be your strength, I won’t let you cope with your wounds alone in silence’. The keywords that describe me are kind. Friendly. Positive. I often say ‘I wish my songs were healing different people’. The way I heal myself is: my heart calms down when I look at pictures with many memories sealed in them. I take a lot of pictures of the scenery and especially when I look at the pictures of my hometown in Guangdong I feel healed. The reason behind my strong sensitivity is the big influence of my dad who’s a singer and my older brother. Ever since I was little we would often watch movies together. I graduated with a musical major. My greed for musicals is: I’ll surely do it again later. I like starring in musicals but one day I’d like to make my own. A musical piece I’d like to recommend is <Dear Evan Hansen> who won at Tony Awards and Grammys. It’s a warm story about a lonely high school boy suffering from social anxiety disorder, who is working on his trauma and healing from the pain. My way of dealing with stress is quiet time on my own. Just like positive energy, negative energy is easily spread to others, so I’d rather be alone. A memory I really want to make is a trip, I promised to go on before debuting, with the members. The destination is still undecided. The kind of team member I want to be is a silent supporter. It would be nice if I can be 'my people/dearest' to others. Something I want to do this year is to have an event for the fans. I like to surprise friends or throw surprise birthday parties. I think fans will love it if we would do a guerilla performance. I told you here so I have to throw [that idea] away and I will prepare something else (laughs). To Ten: You are one of the 'Hyung-line', and you Korean is the best so there are many times you have to lead us. Don't carry everything on your own and sometimes lean on us! The same goes for Kun hyung.

t/n: Due to the structure of this interview there might be inaccuracies as many things only made sense in Korean but sounded kinda awkward in English (more so compared to other translations we did). We tried our best to convey what they meant, but please keep this in mind when reading this interview.

Translation: Alex, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: ELLE Korea Scans — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[infinitejapanication]

Dear Arashi,

The day I dreaded is here. It’s January 1st 2021 and you’re now gone into your indefinite hiatus.

Those (almost) two years passed by so quickly since you announced your hiatus. I still remember vividly when you announced it, as if it was yesterday. I remember thinking at that time that if that’s what you want and that’s what make you happy, then we should let you go and I just needed time to process this. Yet, here I am, January 1st 2021 and even after all this time, I guess I’ll still need a little more time to adjust my life as you won’t be here as 5 from now on. The thing that makes it so hard I guess is that during those almost 2 years before today, you kept giving us content, thanking us, you once again thought of us, your fans, more than anything else. From January 27th 2019 till yesterday, you did your best and gave us so many things, just like you did during all those years, even more. And that’s why it’s still so hard now to say good bye today, even though I knew since January 2019 that you were going on indefinite hiatus.

I remember thinking, many times during those last years with you, “but how am I gonna do without them? How will it be?” And to be honest, till today, I still don’t have the answer to those questions. I guess it will come as time passes.

Because yes, you’ve always been there. You’ve always been a part of my life. I discovered ARASHI in 2007, when I was 12. It’s now the year 2021 and I’m 25. I grew up with you, with your presence everywhere, even if we were so far apart. Everyday, ARASHI was there, through pictures I found on the internet or music I was listening to, articles on the blogs that I was reading at that time, through tv shows and DVD concerts. So, as my environment was always filled with ARASHI, I still don’t know how it will be without you in it. I mean, without some new contents of you as 5, since of course, I still have many things to look back to, thanks to all the things you gave us.

Without really realising it, ARASHI quickly became my safe place, a bubble where I could escape whenever I feel like it. Every time I felt down, or when I felt like escaping reality, I was watching one of your show or watching one of your concert and I could forget for a while my worries. Every time, you 5 were able to put a smile on my face, to make me laugh, to make me less worried and to help me overcome what I was going through. You were always the ones who could make me smile no matter what, even in my most stressful years. You were always there, in the happy moments as in the stressful moments and tough moments.

Thinking of ARASHI makes me think of my happiest moments, of a time when I was still smiling no matter what. Seeing ARASHI gives me constant warmth, comfort and happiness. And it always will. You give me countless of emotions and I’m so grateful for that.

Unfortunately sometimes, life got in the way and I couldn’t catch up on everything you were releasing etc. And at that time, way before you announce your hiatus, I was sometimes thinking that it’s alright if I can’t catch up on everything because there will always be new content. Indeed, it was so normal for me to see you releasing a new album, to see concert reports, to see photoshoots and magazines interviews. I almost took all of this for granted while I really shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.

But ARASHI! I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Thank you for everything you’ve done until now. Thank you for all this hard work during all these years. Thank you for creating a safe place, a beautiful world where we can escape whenever we need to and where we learnt that no matter what hardships we go through, we’re not alone and we should never give up.

Thanks to you, I’ve surpassed myself. I believed in myself. I started learning Japanese thanks to you and you’re still the reason why I still learn Japanese today.

Thanks to you, I met amazing people from all over the world and I made friends that are so far away yet it feels like they’re just right besides me. I even met some of them in real life. Thanks to you, I made lifetime friendships.

Thanks to you, I was able to make tons and tons of memories with those friends, while we were watching your concerts, tour tv shows and stuff. Thanks to you, I have memories that I will hold preciously forever.

Thank you ARASHI.

Ohno, thank you for all the sacrifices you made all those years. Thank you for all the talent you shared with us. Thank you for always listening carefully to the other members’ opinions and putting them first before your own opinion. Thank you for sticking around even when you didn’t feel like it anymore. The best leader ARASHI could have. Thank you for everything. Go enjoy your vacations and I can’t wait to hear about them when you’re back. I’ll wait for you. 🎣⛵️✨

Sho, thank you for being ARASHI’s shadow leader. Thank you for protecting ARASHI with all your might. For guiding ARASHI and the fans. For making us feel secure to be an ARASHI fan and telling us that there’s no “perfect fan”. Thank you for always reading the atmosphere and acting serious when it was needed but also making us laugh when you knew it was needed too. Thank you for everything. I can’t wait to hear more from your journalism work. I’ll be watching. 🗞📺✨

Aiba, thank you for all those smiles and all those positive emotions you gave us throughout those years even when it was the hardest for you. Thank you for always sharing this warm smile with us. You’re the reason of many smiles I had during all those years and the same goes to lots of fans. Thank you for teaching us that even when something terrible happens, we shouldn’t give up. Thank you for always showing your emotions, for being someone with such a big heart. Thank you for everything. I can’t wait to see your variety shows. I’ll be watching and smiling with you. 🐻🐒💚✨

Nino, thank you for always speaking your mind and for not being afraid to be totally honest with you. Thank you for always taking care of the members through your small actions and for protecting them. Thank you for teaching us that we should just be ourselves, that we can cry because it’s okay to show our true emotions sometimes. Thank you for being yourself and for being fearless. That’s what makes you unique. Thank you for everything. I can’t wait to see more of your acting work. I’ll be watching and be amazed by your acting skills again. 🎬📺✨

Jun, I don’t even know how to start. You’re the reason I’m here and what I am today. Thank you for always loving ARASHI more than anyone. Thank you for always thinking of ARASHI first, for doing everything you did for ARASHI and putting ARASHI before your own life. Thank you for always thinking of ARASHI more than anyone. Thank you for propping ARASHI up. Thank you for always exceeding our expectations every time, year by year. Thank you for thinking of the fans more than anyone and for always doing it. Thank you for all your hard work, those countless nights when you didn’t get enough sleep, for every single sacrifice you did during all those years just so ARASHI’s concerts can be what they are today. Thank you for always thinking of every single detail. You’re the one who taught me what true hard work and dedication are, the one who taught me that it's okay to have weaknesses and that we should also always try to push our own limits. You’re the one who taught me that we should never give up on our dreams. Thank you for being such an inspiration since all this time. Thanks to you, I had the courage to finally give up the studies I didn’t like for studying something I love. I can’t even thank you enough for everything you did. I love you so much. Please enjoy your break, be selfish and live your life the way you want. I’ll be waiting for you to come back and I’ll still be amazed by what you do and the person you are. 🎥🎆💜✨

Thank you ARASHI for everything.

It’s time for you to be selfish for once and think of you first, instead of your fans.

Go enjoy your break, go enjoy life. 🎈✨

I hope this hiatus will be the opportunity for you to discover so much more about life, that it will give you tons and tons of opportunities, that it will make you the happiest.

I’ll hold all those precious memories and grow up thanks to them so I can be a better version of myself when we’ll see you as 5 again.

Whether it takes 5 years or 20 years, I’ll be waiting. We’ll all be waiting.

I love you.

BE HAPPY, ARASHI. 🪁💙❤️💚💛💜✨

[tuntematonkorppi]

all the odd numbers >:)

EVIL.

but okay i'm waiting for the videos to render so i got some time to kill

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

absolutely not. that's my boss

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

not that i'm aware of

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

literally yesterday actually

7. What happened tonight?

did some work for my freelance job, did some laundry, had some feelings, cuddled the cat

9. Is confidence cute?

fuck yeah

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

two

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

sleep

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

nooooope and THAT'S A VERY GOOD THING BECAUSE THAT GUY WAS A CREEP

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

my sister or my best friend @sunnyrainysunday

19. Have you had sex today?

sadly no

21. Are you in a good mood?

not really

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

yep

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

can't say anything since i'm not dating him

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

hell no

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yep and it sucks

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

nope because that was sean and he's literally my queer platonic soulmate

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

nope

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

listen i'm a leftie, if i write in pencil everything will be smudged two letters in. i write with a pen like a normal person.

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

nope

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

my friend B

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

before the pandemic i think

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

all the time

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

YES

47. Who was the last person to call you?

my best friend from childhood

49. Do you dance in the car?

it's been known to happen

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

ten days ago

53. Is Christmas stressful?

i literally have PTSD triggered by Christmas (not even an exaggeration)

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

chocolate and tropical fruits

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

no

59. Take a vitamin daily?

lol no. vitamin pills just make your pee expensive, they're fucking useless for anything else.

61. Wear a bath robe?

no

63. First concert?

uuuuuuh probably one of my friends' punk or metal bands when i was 13 or 14

65. Nike or Adidas?

neither

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

sunflower seeds

69. Ever take dance lessons?

i've been taking dance classes for the past 23 years and this year i'm dancing 7 hours and a half per week

71. Can you curl your tongue?

nah

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yep

75. Do you study better with or without music?

with

77. Ever been in love?

yeah

79. What was the last concert you saw?

i was supposed to go see comeback kid in june 2019 but i got sick that day and before that it was a friend's concert in a tiny bar

91. Best room for a fireplace?

living room

random asks

[paths-of-my-childhood-candid]

TAYLOR SWIFT: ‘I’ve always found romance in life’s small moments’

Photographs by Miller Mobley // Interview by Melody Chiu // People Magazine, Dec 16th 2019 issue

Shattering records with her euphoric new album Lover, the superstar is happier and more fearless than ever: ‘I’m always looking for a new challenge.’

It’s hard to believe Taylor Swift is turning 30. A decade ago she became the youngest person to take home the Album of the Year Grammy. Now the superstar, who celebrates her milestone birthday on Dec. 13, is breaking records - and her silence - like never before. Ahead of releasing her seventh studio album, Lover, in August, Swift took on her former record label Big Machine and its new owner Scooter Braun over the rights to her previous recordings. With the dawn of a new decade and an upcoming tour, Swift - who is happily three years into her relationship with actor Joe Alwyn - is as excited about her future as she is protective of her past. “This is the first time I’ve been able to put out music that I feel is connecting with people yet look back on everything I’ve made and feel a quiet sense of pride,” she says. “I’m proud of the things I’ve withstood, and I’ve been able to carve out a life for myself.”

You’ve had a lot of big years, but this one feels a little different. What does 2019 mean to you? This year feels more special to me than any year before it. A lot of people will tell you that when they had their breakthrough year, they weren’t able to enjoy it because they were hustling or stressed. 2009 was a breakthrough year for me in country, then 2014 was a big breakthrough year in pop. Fifteen years into doing this, being able to look around and acknowledge that it’s special, I’m really stoked this moment can happen when I’m 29. That’s one of the benefits of starting when you’re 12!

Lover comes not even two years after your prior album Reputation. Were you feeling creatively supercharged? I had this strange feeling of “I could write anything I want now.” There was so much theatricality in the darkness of Reputation. It was secretly a love story, but it was also filled with angst, rebellion and this vengeful taking back of your life. Lover ended up being the album [where I was no longer] answering to something. In the past I’ve definitely used my criticism as a jumping-off point for creativity. With Reputation I’d said everything I needed to say. I’d been tried in every possible way people could throw things at me, and I felt like now I just get to create.

You’ve been writing love songs since you were a teenager. What would 13-year-old Taylor say about Lover? This is the most I’ve ever leaned into who I really am. For this album I went through my old diaries as a kid. Looking back, I’ve always found romance in life’s small moments - tiny details that are beautiful about the human experience. Lover in a lot of ways is that.

You’re known for magnifying those little moments into a hit song, but do you feel more protective of yourself now? In this job people are constantly skeptical and evaluating whether you deserve to be there. There are tests every day, but I try to be susceptible to my feelings on it. I try to be resilient, but I don’t ever want to become closed off in a way that I can’t access sadness, loneliness, anxiety and despair. I personally feel like the best thing I have to offer is the music I write.

Your Change.org petition in support of the Equality Act (which prohibits discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation and gender identity) has nearly 600,000 signatures, and your “You Need to Calm Down” music video, featuring many LGBTQ+ stars, has more than 164 million views. Is it gratifying to see these numbers after breaking your political silence? When you advocate for something, it has to be completely disconnected from what people say about you advocating for it. It should be removed from hard numbers. That being said, when numbers do come in that are promising and petitions are signed in the hundreds of thousands, it’s a good feeling. It reinforces your feeling that there is good in the world.

Has speaking out, whether about politics or owning the rights to all your songs before Lover, made you feel stronger at the end of the day? It makes me feel like my fans are able to know me more. What I believe in and what people know I believe in are aligned. That’s a great sense of relief. When Lover came out, it was this sense of being so thankful that after so long of being denied the rights to music that I made, I finally felt like I was in a place where I had aligned myself with generous people. The label that I’m at now, there’s not a single person in that sphere that wants to deny me of what I created. It’s nice to know I can say what I believe in and disconnect from if people don’t like that. And I can sleep really well at night.

How do you feel about your 30s? Really happy! There are certain parts of my brain that I don’t visit as often, like stressing out about my body, stressing out about being on trend, stressing out about people thinking I’m cool, stressing out about people thinking really anything about me. You have to toss out things that don’t serve you.

What’s the last great day off you had? Oh, yesterday was amazing. My friend Cazzie [David] came over, and we swam. My friends and their kids were staying with me, so I was playing with a 3- and a 5-year-old. Then I picked a paint color for my living room wall, which is really gonna warm up the whole vibe. My parents and my brother came over, and I cooked this whole dinner. Cooking, reading and seeing friends are things that make me feel like my life was never anything but normal, so I spend a lot of time doing those things. I just want to make sure I’m living my life in a way that makes me feel happy and fulfilled.

THE MOST INSPIRING WOMAN TO ME THIS YEAR: Whenever I feel stressy about things, I’ll just read some of Jameela Jamil’s quotes about body image and health.

WHAT I ’M LOOKING FORWARD TO MOST IN 2020: I’m really excited about customizing [my upcoming tour] Lover Fest. I’ve never really performed on that kind of stage since opening up for Tim McGraw and George Strait in 2007.

THE 2019 BOOK I DEVOURED: Demi Moore’s autobiography. I couldn’t put it down. She was punished ruthlessly for being the highest-paid actress, and I feel like finally she’s getting the last laugh.

A NEW THING I LEARNED THIS YEAR: I’m working my way through the Ottolenghi Simple cookbook. I recently made the chicken marbella.

The PEOPLE behind People

Deputy west coast news editor Melody Chiu first interviewed Taylor Swift before the release of 1989: “Sitting down with her five years later, Taylor was as generous as ever, and her unshakable confidence is inspiring.”

Dan Wakeford, People Magazine Editor in Chief: “Although she’s been a singer for more than 15 years, 2019 was arguably the year Taylor Swift found her voice. She stood up to protect her creative rights, spoke out for what she believed in and continued to produce music that showed wisdom and storytelling beyond her years - her album Lover became 2019’s bestselling record in just one week. Truly epic.”

Check out parts of the interview previously published online:

Inside Taylor Swift's Life-Changing Year: 'I'm Proud of the Things I've Withstood' - article

Taylor Swift Says She's Finally Aligned Herself with a 'Generous' Label Amid Feud with Big Machine - article

Taylor Swift Is Over 'Stressing Out' About Her Body as She Turns 30 - article

Taylor Swift Says Demi Moore Got Last Laugh After She Was 'Punished' for Being Highest-Paid Actress - article

[ravenadottir]

thanks for tagging me @ariendiel​. i’ve answered one of these not long ago, but just like my names for fics, things change all the time 😃

Name/Nickname: ravena, vena, v, and ‘venus flytrap’ according to @richhdesire​

Gender: non binary (i won’t be upset if you call me ‘sis’, or ‘girl’ as expressions or exaggerations of inflexion, though. don’t feel conscious about that.)

Star Sign: pisces

Height: 162cm

Time: 17:36

Birthday: march 9th

Favorite Bands: sheesh... it goes from everything to everything. on the top of my playlist, halestorm, panic! at the disco, papa roach. but i honestly listen to all kinds of music. except for reggae.

Favorite Solo Artist: oof... hard to choose just one, but lately i’ve been listening to a lot of megan thee stalion.

Song Stuck in My Head: “where did the angels go?” by papa roach. it’s old but it’s gold.

Last Movie: ‘cabin in the woods’, again. so good!

Last Show: ‘community’ (i’m rewatching before amazon kicks them out of the catalogue :/)

When Did I Create This Blog: this one, specifically, i started using in june (my old one was tagged as nsfw). the other one, september 2019.

What Do I Post: litg. heavily focused on litg. fine, it’s only litg!

Last Thing I Googled: "beseech”. anon sent me an ask saying it and i had no clue what that meant lol

Do I Get Asks: yes, mostly about litg. ok, all of them are about litg! 

Why I Chose My URL: it’s a nickname i got a decade ago + daughter in a language i don’t speak. just sounded nice  :))

Following: 54

Average hours of sleep: it has been between 6 and 8 because of my meds.

Lucky Number: pshh, no idea. how do i find out? there was not a time in my life i had luck because of a number, i don’t think. can’t find a connection in none of them.

Instruments: i tried really hard, but the best i can offer is a very annoyig drums solo. and by solo i mean me banging on it with drumsticks to get my stress out.

What Am I Wearing: shorts and a t-shirt. if it makes it any interesting, it’s a bulldog in a beenie.

Dream Job: i’m aiming for teaching as my backup. truly? i want to write and direct. and i’ve been studying for that. who knows?

Dream Trip: australia. canada. new zealand. in that order.

Last Book I Read: ‘the tales of beedle the bard’ 

Favorite Food: Homemade lasagna, sushi or a good ramen

Nationality: brazilian

Favorite Song: pisces, by jinjer. i listen to it every day. i’m still amazed by tati’s technique.

Top Three Fictional Universes: the darkest timeline on ‘community’, the multiverse on marvel (comics, not mcu, mostly ‘cause we have thor and wolverine kissing and dark skin spiderman) and... you know what? litg. where most men are feminists, don’t have a drop of toxic masculinity and are incredible in everything they do. wish that universe was real, life would be much easier.