#Benson Family

[fredbensonenthusiast]

The invention of Radclyffe Hall

Simon Goldhill, writing about the Benson family, makes a very interesting comparison between the trial of Oscar Wilde, and the obscenity 'trial' of Radclyffe Hall, author of 'The Well of Loneliness', and the publicity surrounding it, which, he feels, created certain stereotypes of men and women who were same-sex attracted.

Secondly, Radclyffe Hall’s own photographic portrait, which circulated very widely at this time, emphasized the masculinity of her appearance and dress—with short-cropped hair and male clothes....... The contrast between the bustles, dresses, and elaborate coiffure of the late Victorian and Edwardian period and the trousers, flat lines, and short hair of the roaring twenties resulted in a mass of journalistic flummery—cartoons, editorial comment, shocking photographs, amused articles—about the new New Woman and the confusion of masculine and feminine in dress and behavior. Radclyffe Hall’s clothes and demeanor were in a line with such fashions but also became a defining characteristic of the “masculine woman” as the paradigm of sexual inversion. Much as Oscar Wilde’s trial helped fix a stereotype of the homosexual, so Radclyffe Hall was instrumental in the establishment of the image of the lesbian as a masculine woman, short-haired, dressed in male clothes, adopting a male demeanor, even wearing a monocle and smoking a cigarette.

Goldhill, Simon. A Very Queer Family Indeed: Sex, Religion, and the Bensons in Victorian Britain, 2016

[alovelywaytospendanevening]

Hello!! To celebrate your first anniversary, I thought I would send you a random and typically badly formulated ask about EF Benson. When I read the Masters bio, I was struck by what seems to be an extraordinary resilience in the face of an emotionally challenging upbringing and a family whose emotional turmoil seemed to be never ending. I wonder how he managed to stay relatively sane, or whether he was just better at covering it up!

Hello again, @renaultphile.

I would say Fred Benson was a pretty sane guy, thanks to elements of both his personality and status. He was a healthy guy who liked his job and had a fairly successful career — which allowed him financial stability —, and he also didn't seem too bothered by his sexuality. But, above all, he seemed to be a self-possessed man, and managed to keep his family at arm's length from his most personal affairs; I think these two points brought him peace of mind.

Arthur, on the other hand, was a terribly insecure man who was needy, but too afraid to open up to anyone. He also suffered from the most severe case of daddy issues among the Benson bunch, which wasn't an easy feat. Hugh seemed quite uppity. So I guess Fred's laid-back personality also helped to bring unity and keep his family's composure, in some way.

Obviously, if he wasn't a man such independence and balance would be much harder to achieve in early 20th century British society. He could've ended up like his sister Maggie, tormented by the family's ghosts.

Thanks a lot for the anniversary ask! 😉

[userbarson]

[bishopsbelova]

Law and Order SVU Olivia Benson + Family

[ants-personal]

touch repulsed benson will always be special to me

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

Forever and Always

So first I owe an apology to @autumntheblogger who requested a sequel to Our Family. It has taken me a while to write this and be happy with it. But it is finally here and I really hope it was worth the wait.

I recommend reading Our Family first, which is linked below but you don't have to.

Warnings: None. Just good old fluff.

Masterlist

Prompt List

Our Family

You smiled softly as Rafael whined low in his throat as you slowly moved out from under his arm that was wrapped tightly around your waist. You wiggled out of bed looking back at him as you sat up, his forehead was wrinkled as he reached out to you in his sleep. You huffed out a laugh putting your pillow in his reach before leaning over and pressing a kiss to the furrow in his eyebrows. It was a similar event every time you got up before him, it was rather adorable, although a little bit amusing at the same time.

You swapped your shirt for the one of his that was sitting at the end of the bed as always before you padded down the hallway, checking in on Noah before continuing to the kitchen. Rafael had had a long night, a difficulty in a case causing him to stay later than he normally did these days, so you wanted to cook him a nice breakfast before he had to head into the office.

You were half way through cooking waffles and some egg and bacon when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and lips on the back on your neck before Rafael buried his head in the crook of your neck.

“You could have slept a little longer babe,” you whispered.

“Hmm, I could have, but you weren’t there,” Rafael whispered pressing kisses up and down your neck. “There is no point sleeping in if you aren’t with you.”

“Sook,” you teased.

“You are so mean to me, Carino,” Rafael whined, you could feel him pouting. “Don’t make me tell Liv on you.”

“Ooh, bringing out the big guns huh?” you asked lightly running your fingers along his forearm. “You know she would be on my side right?”

“Fine, I’ll tell Finn,”

“Also on my side,” you turned your head enough to kiss him on the temple before you pulled out of his arms to plate up the rest of the food. “Could you get our son?”

“I can go get our son,” Rafael grinned sneaking in one last kiss before going to get Noah. It didn’t matter how much time had passed since you had told him that Noah was his son as much as he was yours, he would always get so happy to refer to Noah as “his” or “our” son. You shook your head a little as you brought the plates to the table, being sure to grab Noah’s sippy cup with his juice and Rafael’s cup of coffee. You could hear him coming back down the hall, humming softly to Noah.

“So, what is the plan today?” he asked, getting Noah settled.

“Hm, gotta drop Noah off at day care, then I have a meeting with a client that’s probably going to take all day,” you sighed, already feeling the headache that this day will induce.

“Wait, is this that guy that keeps changing his mind?” Rafael asked raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, after we agree, he calls and then says he doesn’t want it that way anymore, it is doing my head in,”

“Next time he tries, tell him your boyfriend is a lawyer,” Rafael grinned. “A verbal agreement is a legally binding contract.”

“Mhm, my boss will love it if I subtly imply that I will sue one of our top paying clients,” you roll your eyes.

“Well, the option is there,” he placed a kiss on your forehead as he stood up. “Thanks for breakfast I gotta get into the office.”

“Have a good day!” you were too focused on helping Noah eat to see the look on Rafael’s face. His hand went into the pocket of his pants and stayed there as he headed out the door, looking back once to the scene at the kitchen table before closing the door.

---

Rafael stood outside the station one hand in his pocket fiddling with the box that he had been carrying around for months, since you had told him that he was Noah’s father. He had been standing there for a lot longer than he ever wanted to admit.

“Counsellor?” Rafael jumped at the sound of Nick’s voice behind him. “Are you going in?”

“Yes, need to speak with Liv about the new case you lot have dumped on me,” Rafael cleared his throat attempting to cover up how nervous he was.

“We haven’t given you a new case,” Nick raised his eyebrow as he followed Rafael inside. “And you’re jumpier than normal, it’s too early for you to have had enough caffeine to make you like this considering your tolerance.”

“I hate detectives,” Rafael muttered.

“You’re nervous,” it was not a question as Nick’s eyes traced the movement of Rafael’s in his pocket. “Congrats.”

“Not a word…I haven’t even told Liv yet,” Rafael pointed his finger at Nick. “And I want to ask for Liv’s blessing…and Finns.”

“My lips are sealed,” Nick promised as they entered the bull pin.

“Why is one of my detectives telling you that his lips are sealed?” Liv questioned, her eyes narrowing as she catalogued every movement Rafael made before her eyes zeroed in on his hand still in his pocket. “My office. Finn, join us.” Her tone left no room for argument.  

“Good luck,” Amanda winked as both men followed Olivia into her office. Rafael felt his heart pick up speed, he knew Liv would notice straight away, but he had not considered her tone to be that specific one, it was her Lieutenant voice. And the way Finn walked ahead of him was the same way he walked into the interrogation room.

Olivia closed the door behind the two of them before she walked around her desk, Finn taking his spot right beside her as they both stared Rafael down. It was rare for him to be on the receiving end of those looks, at the same time. He now knew how a suspect felt when Liv and Finn would team up. Rafael felt sweat start to build on his forehead as he took a deep breath.

“I am aware that the both of you already know what I want to ask,”

“Well, you aren’t very subtle Counsellor,” Finn mused. “You’re more wired than I have ever seen you.”

“Have I mentioned lately how I hate detectives?” Rafael asked trying to buy himself some more time. He had originally had it all planned out but he found himself struggling to remember everything he had practiced.

“Quit stalling Rafa,” Liv teased, which helped Rafael relax a little. “I wanna hear what you have to say.”

“I wanted to ask for your blessing to ask y/n to marry me,” Rafael forced out. “I love her with my entire heart and soul. I could not imagine my life without her. Or without Noah, the two of them have changed my life for the better. I mean I have a life now, before I wasn’t really living but y/n and Noah brought light and love to my life. They helped me to live again.”

Olivia’s lips twitched as she struggled to keep her face neutral, she didn’t want to break too early but her eyes gave away everything. They brightened with happiness with every new word that left Rafael’s mouth. She knew the two of them would be a forever thing from the moment they started seeing each other but to hear how much her sister had impacted Rafael’s life was another thing entirely, especially when she already knew how much he had impacted her life as well. Finn on the other hand had no issue with holding strong. He needed to rib the ADA a little.

“Not our permission?” Finn raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that normally what people ask for? Not blessing?”

“My carino is her own person and I don’t believe she would appreciate if I asked for someone else’s permission to marry her as if she was property,” Rafael pointed out. “But to have the blessing of her sister, who raised her and your blessing Finn, who has been such an important person in her life. That would mean a lot to me, to know that the two of you trust her heart to me.”

“Well,” Liv said her voice a little heavy and if Rafael peered a little closer he could have sworn that he saw some tears forming.

“I got questions,” Finn demanded, still not giving in but his demeanour had softened. Rafael fought so hard to not roll his eyes but Olivia did not.

“Of course you do, one would forget that I was the one who raised her,” Liv muttered.

“Alright, Finn,” Rafael sighed before squaring his shoulders. “What questions?”

“When are you planning to pop the question?”

“This Saturday, it’s the anniversary of when we met,”

“I am trying very hard to restrain myself right now,” Olivia muttered as she stood up and walked around to stand in-front of Rafael, she pulled him into a tight hug which he returned in kind. “I whole heartedly give you my blessing to marry my sister. I know you will continue to make her happy and that you will continue to be an amazing father to Noah.”

Finn kept his arms crossed as he moved to stand in-front of Rafael, his eyes narrowed. He stared Rafael down but Rafael did not waver as he held the detective’s stare. He had never wavered before and he definitely wasn’t about to start now. But the stare down didn’t last long before Finn’s tough shell broke, his lips pulling back into a smile as he threw his arms out wide.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to know,” Finn grinned. “Was just pulling your leg, there was no way I wasn’t giving you my blessing to marry Little Benson, she would have throttled me.”

“Good to know that is the main reason,” Rafael muttered shaking his head.

“I mean of course I think you’re good for her as well,” Finn shrugged. “But she’s a Benson.”

“Little unsure if I should feel complimented or insulted by what that implies,” Olivia narrowed her eyes at Finn before deciding it wasn’t worth it. “I want all the details. Now.”

“Of course you do,” Rafael had resigned himself to this the moment he bought the ring.  

--

“I was thinking, this Saturday I could take little Noah for an aunty/nephew sleep over, it’s been a while,” Liv stated as the two of you were getting your nails done. It was a little earlier than normal but Liv had insisted on changing your appointments to Friday instead of the Saturday two weeks from now. And Liv had insisted on choosing your nails, and for you to choose hers. You narrowed her eyes at your sister, tilting her head to the side before you looked at the calendar on the wall and saw the date.

“He’s proposing,” you didn’t even ask, you just stated.

“…damnnit,” Liv cursed. “I really thought I could have gotten this past you.”

“You might be the detective but I was raised by you,” you shrugged. “Plus, these nails are like fancy nails. Not to mention you and Amanda taking me shopping yesterday and insisting that I try on really pretty dresses and to get the one that is almost the exact shade of Rafael’s eyes. And tomorrow is the anniversary of when we first met.”

“I now understand why Rafael always says he hates detectives,” Olivia laughed shaking her head. “I didn’t realise you had picked so much up from me.”

“Yeah well,” you just shrugged again. “You were always my hero Liv, of course I wanted to be able to do what you do. Plus you did drill into me to be observant and then Finn even started teaching me recon shit.”

“Part of me wants to offer you a job but the other part of me definitely wants you to stay as far away from police work as possible,”

“As if I would take it anyway,” you rolled your eyes. “No offense but I like my job too much and I get paid really well. Plus I don’t get shot at so.”

“Yeah, yeah alright,” Liv grinned. “So, I get Noah on Saturday, and Sunday until lunch, then his dad gets him while, you and I go out for dinner and you tell me everything.”

“Liv, I don’t think you’re going to want to know everything,” you giggled, your heart fluttering in excitement. You may have been nonchalant when you stated what this was all about but truthfully you were nervous. Even knowing what Rafael had planned you had no idea how he was going to do it.

“You are a terror,” Liv rolled her eyes.

“Little sister’s prerogative,” you shrugged. “But yes, I agree, you can have Noah up until Sunday lunch, which we will all have together, and then you and I will have a dinner in? I doubt I will be up for going out.”

The two amazing women who always did yours and Liv’s nails both giggled at that.

“I remember when my husband proposed to me,” the one doing Liv’s nails sighed. “We didn’t leave our room for days.”

“Liv showed me the dress you will be wearing,” your technician grinned. “These nails will go beautifully with it.”

Liv had chosen a golden base for your nails, that simmered gently, with a pale green swirling pattern overlaying it. The pale green was almost a perfect match for your dress and Rafael’s eyes. You smiled softly holding your left hand up in-front of you, imagining the ring that will be sitting on your ring finger tomorrow night.

“Have you seen the ring?” you asked.

“I have,” Liv nodded. “It’s gorgeous and very you. Rafael did a good job choosing it. And that is all you get from me.”

You pouted a little but knew you would rather have that as a surprise. Since you technically ruined the surprise that he was proposing to you in the first place.  

---

“Come on! We want to see,” Amanda sang as she held Noah on her hip, with Oliva beside her.

You stood in-front of the mirror in Olivia’s bedroom, brushing down the front of your dress. Amanda had volunteered to help do your make-up when Liv mentioned that you had worked out what was happening tonight, and she had done an amazing job. It was a beautiful subtle look that managed to empathise your cheekbones and bring focus to your eyes. Olivia had curled your hair and pinned the sides up, so nothing obscured your face.

“Alright, alright! I swear you are more excited than I am,” you laughed walking into the lounge room, blushing at the looks on the two women’s faces. “Is it too much? Will he know that I know?”

“You look beautiful,” Liv whispered her eyes tearing up a little.

“I don’t think he will care,” Amanda smiled. “Not when he sees you. What do you think little man?”

Noah cooed clapping his hands and reaching out for you. You allowed him to latch onto one of your fingers as your stepped forward to place a soft kiss against his chubby little cheek.

“I hope you have fun with your aunties tonight,” you smiled.

“Oh, don’t you worry,” Liv wrapped an arm around your waist holding you to her side. “Manda, Noah and I will have lot’s of fun tonight.”

“Though not as much fun as you,” Amanda wiggled her eyebrows. “He’ll be here any minute.”

You giggled, holding in the small squeal that wanted to escape when a knock sounded on the door.

“Make that any second,” Liv squeezed you before going to let the man of the hour in.

“Breathe,” Amanda whispered kissing you on the cheek as Rafael walked into view and you felt your air in your lungs leave you in a rush. He was wearing your favourite suit, which thankfully complimented your dress perfectly.

“Carino,” Rafael breathed. “You take my breathe from me.”

“Well, you two need to get going,” Liv started pushing the two of you towards the door when you failed to say anything in response. You couldn’t, you found for once you had no words. This was the man you were going to spend the rest of your life with and tonight was the start of the next chapter of it.

---

“Rafael, this place is beautiful,” you whispered as the hostess led you to your table. Which was in a quiet corner, lit candles decorated it, and a bottle of expansive red wine was breathing next to a vase filled with peonies and lilac. Your favourite flowers.

“Tonight is a special night,” Rafael pressed a kiss to your temple as he helped you into your chair.

“The anniversary of our first date?” you asked tilting your head to the side as he poured glasses of wine.

“Exactly,” Rafael grinned, you could see the nerves that he hid behind that smile. You reached across the table and grabbed his hand squeezing it once, as a gentle smile pulled at your lips.

“You always spoil me Rafi,” you pulled your hand away to focus on the menu in-front of you. “You look especially handsome tonight. Amanda had to remind me to breathe.”

“Turn about is fair play,” Rafael teased. “Everyday I must remind myself to breathe, when I wake up with you in my arms, when you smile at me I feel the world stop.”

You felt your heart squeeze as your stomach fluttered before it stopped, contentment settling over your body as Rafael pulled a box out of his pocket.

“I was going to wait until dessert but I found I can’t,” Rafael chuckled, as he slid the box to the middle of the table. “Carino, everyday that we have been together has made my life better, happier and brighter. The day you told me you loved me I knew that I would know no better happiness, until you told me I was Noah’s father. You have given me a home, a family. I know that your love has made me a better man and I promise you that everyday I will be sure to be deserving of your love, of your heart and of our son. You are my heart, my soul and the very breathe in my lungs. I wish to wake with you in my arms every day. Carino, my love, will you marry me?”

Rafael opened the box as you tried to stop the tears that fell down your cheeks. Nestled in blue fabric was the most beautiful ring you had ever seen. It was also far from a traditional engagement ring but it showed that Rafael knew you. For you never wanted a traditional ring. It was a black band twisted around itself, with lines of silver and gold entwined along it. Three gems sat in the band, the middle one held above the others by the twisting of the band, wrapping securely by the gold and silver. It took you a moment to realise what the gems represented, and when you did your heart ached with love. They were your birthstones, Noah’s, Rafael’s and yours.

“Rafi,” you breathed holding out your left hand for Rafael, he lifted the ring from the box holding it just over your ring finger before he slowly slid it down. “Yes, always.”

[evilstrawberry]

Alien Abduction

[khawlat]

As important as career is, it’s a shadow of what is the most important thing, which is family and your close friends because they live beyond your career. Career is how you make money and hopefully you can enjoy it and be fulfilled by it, but it’s essentially how you pay the mortgage. What is important is your time on earth, how you lead your life, how you’re able to support your children and hopefully lead a relatively moral life.

[youknowithappened]

Noah: *catching Olivia and Elliot making out on the couch* What are you doing?

Elliot: Nothing!

Noah: Whatever it was it looked like Mommy was winning.

[wherebrasilmeetscanada]

Forget about the “I’m too different from the others”, ‘cause I’m exactly like everybody in the room. So as a typical girlie, I gathered my family and forced them to watch the Grammys with me this weekend.

My husband sang along with the holy trinity “Espresso, So high school and Pink Pony Club”, while my mom judged all the outfits and my father gasped at Sabrina’s performance - “its broadway material!”, that’s what he said.

We saw Benson Boone flipping once again, dad thinks he dresses and acts like Freddie Mercury. We saw Chappell dropping her hat and some very important truths during her acceptance speech -the woman is always spitting facts. We saw Taylor having a blast and stunning with that red dress, supporting everyone like always. We saw Kendrick win Grammys from a diss track while a room full of dubious people sang “A MINOOOOOOR”. My mom cried to Doechii’s speech. Sabrina and Olivia hugging. And we also saw Beyoncé win her first AOTY despite her own allegations “A-O-T-Y, I ain’t win”.

It was a glorious night. Not because of Gramophones, of course. I in fact didn’t win one. But there was a moment of contemplation where I looked around and realized the family inside my world that night. They sat, chatted and watched a music award because of me. ‘Cause I wanted to and they wanted to join me. It’s nice to have people in your life that try to mix into your likes and dislikes.

Love is so underrated, and when it hits you, it’s overwhelming.

[thatlatinagirlworld]

[fredbensonenthusiast]

How do you rebel when your father is the Archbishop of Canterbury? Make ice-skating into a religion!

“By day I had to skate so much at Niagara, being at that time quite sure that life would never attain its full fruition until I had passed all three tests of the National Skating Association (English style), and could wear a badge of pure gold (silver and copper discarded) in my buttonhole. So the whole morning would be spent, like the aspiring Christian, with “the frequent fall,” and I would hobble away to lunch with entrancing people and go back for the afternoon skating session (session it was!) at three, and skate till it was almost a relief to hear the gong announce closing time.”

EF Benson, Mother

Niagara Hall, London, 1895 - 1902

[alovelywaytospendanevening]

The Benson family in 1879.

Upper row: Nellie · two unidentified men · Beth Middle row: Minnie · Edward · Maggie Lower row: Arthur · Watch (dog) · Hugh · Fred

[kncrowder88]

I'm supposed to be falling asleep. But no, I've been watching SVU so much my brains back on the "wait if the Stabler family all just came rushing back when Liv got kidnapped" mode. Not even at that point of my rewatch and can't sleep because in picturing the Stabler children (sans Eli) just marching into the precinct all "we volunteer to help" while Kathy's getting Eli and Elliott.

Can just imagine Liv waking up in the hospital after it all with the entire Stabler clan tucked in her room, confused, and a nurse who is checking on her just going "I tried kicking them out but they insist they are family and would wait till you woke up"

[jazzymarie1006]

Five black characters in cartoon I adore through the younger and older years

April O'Neil

Augustus "Gus" Porter

Benson Mekler

Penelope "Penny" Proud

Lunella Lafayette

I absolutely love them all so very much!

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

Our Family

Alright so a surprise for me and everyone else. I am managing to post today! I had a little gap between my little celebrations and since I managed to do most of my editing and reviewing of this piece yesterday I am able to quickly post this before I go for drinks!

@autumntheblogger requested a fic with Female Benson reader who adopts Noah, and Rafael is the surrogate dad. So, I hope you enjoy and that is something like what you were after!

So, the gif doesn't really have anything to do with the story I just liked it....

Warnings: None.

Master List

Prompt List

Forever and Always

You woke up in the middle of the night, expecting to hear the cries of little Noah as you had the past several nights. But you heard nothing, there was no crying. Sitting up you looked around in confusion, mind still half asleep. Running a hand through your hair you turned to look at your bed partner, your brows furrowed in further confusion seeing the bed empty beside you. The sheets were still warm. There was no light coming from the ensuite, so he wasn’t there. You pouted a little as you got up from bed, determined to hunt him down. You paused to check in on Noah, noticing that the crib was empty.

“Huh,” you muttered.

You slowly walked down the hallway rubbing sleep from your eyes which widened at the sight that you stumbled upon in your loungeroom. The sight answered both mysteries of the night, the absence of Rafael from your bed, and the lack of Noah’s crying. Rafael stood in the middle of the loungeroom, bouncing lightly on his feet holding Noah to his chest as he softly sang to the little boy, the Spanish lullaby soothing him back to sleep. Noah had grown a lot in the year that you had fostered him, it had been just under two months since you officially adopted him, but he still looked tiny in Rafael’s arms. You leaned against the wall, your heart melting at the sight of your two boys. You had been weary about dating Rafael when he first showed interest, you had first met the man when you went to the SVU squad room with the intention to drag your sister out for lunch, it had been a while since you had seen her.

--

“Well, if it isn’t little Benson,” Finn grinned as you strode into the squad room.

“That got old after the first three times you said it, Finn,” you rolled your eyes but let Finn pull you into a hug. You adored Finn, always had since you first met him when he joined your sisters squad. “Liv free?”

“She’s with our new ADA,” Nick answered coming up for his own hug. “Going to drag her to lunch?”

“Ooh, someone’s clever, they should make you a detective,” you teased winking at him when he playfully tried to mess up your hair. “Tell me something, this new ADA, Liv seems both happy and vexed with this guy. What do you guys think?”

“He’s good at his job,” Amanda answered. “He’s a little abrasive and should probably work on his approach to our victims but otherwise I don’t think he’s a bad guy.”

“Good, you guys deserve a consistent ADA,” you grinned before turning as you heard Liv’s voice. You studied your sister, checking to see if there was any signs that she was overly stressed, you let out a breath when you saw no signs. After checking on Liv, you allowed your eyes to drift the man beside her, taking in the fancy looking suit, his perfectly styled hair and his brilliant green eyes. Your heart fluttered for a half second as you took your fill of him, knowing that he must be the new ADA. You were more intrigued by him then you had been with any of the previous ADA’s.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” Liv asked as she spotted you next to the rest of your squad. You were still studying Rafael when he turned to look at you, a look of confusion on his face at seeing an unfamiliar person amongst the squad. Your eyes locked for a split second before you forced you gaze away, that second was enough for you to know that you could get lost in his eyes forever.

“Here to drag my stubborn sister out to lunch,” you answered, tilting your head. “And don’t even try it, I already cleared it with Cragen.”

“Of course you did,” she laughed. “Rafael, this is my sister, Y/N.”

“Nice to finally meet you Rafael,” you stepped forward, offering your hand for him to shake.

“I take it Liv’s complained?” he asked stepping forward with a little smirk. He took your hand in his squeezing it gently as he shook it twice before letting go, letting his fingers trail along your palm.

“Only about as much as she would about me,” you responded.

“And that is a sisters job,” Liv poked you in the arm.

“And so’s making sure my sister eats and remembers that they have a sibling,” you hip checked her. “Now please go and grab your shit.”

“Your shout,” Liv said told you as she walked to her desk grabbing her coat and bag. You rolled your eyes playfully at her back ignoring how Rafael seemed to be watching the interaction with amusement.

“Duh, always is,” you added forcing your tone to match how you behaved as a teenager when Liv became more like your mother than your sister.

“They always like this?” Rafael asked Finn. The rest of the squad had been watching the back and forth between the Bensen siblings like it was a tennis match.  

“Only as long as I’ve known them,” Finn shrugged.

“And how long is that?” Rafael asked.

“Since 2000, known Little Benson since she was 17, and even then she would come charging into the squad room to demand her sister join her for food,” Finn grinned. “Those two would share being the mother hens, once in I think 2005 Little Benson was really sick and Liv was out of her mind until Cragen told her to go home.”

“Odafin Tutuola you better not be selling our secrets!” you walked back over to the team wagging your finger at the man. “Don’t listen to him, Rafael.”

“I don’t tend to,” Rafael responded, his teasing smirk growing. “But from what I have witnessed he doesn’t seem to be lying.”

“Rude,” you laughed. “Wow, I can see now why you get along so well with Liv.”

Rafael’s smirk changed to a grin at your laugh, he had heard mentions of Liv’s sister in passing but Liv hadn’t talked overly much about you, at least not to him. He knew Liv was a somewhat private person and he hadn’t been working with SVU for long.

“Alright, call me-”

“Do not call her,” you interrupted. “Cragen promised me a full hour for lunch with my sister with no interruptions. I’m sure this place won’t collapse in that hour.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll handle anything,” Amanda promised you with a wink.

“That goes for you as well Rafael,” you pointed a finger at him. “If you have issues with anything regarding a case, call one of them.”

“Bossy,” Rafael muttered.

“You should have seen her as a teenager,” Liv agreed. You opened your mouth in a fake gasp of surprise.

“Who do you think I got it from?” you asked crossing your arms.

“From me?” Liv acted surprised.

“She’s got you there Liv,” Nick said teasingly.

“Alright we’re leaving,” Liv nudged you away from the rest of the squad.

--

You were drawn out from the memory when you felt Rafael’s hand caress your cheek. As your eyes refocused you saw his green eyes staring at you with love, a soft gentle smile on his face.

“There you are mi amor,” he whispered leaning to press a kiss your cheek. “I was trying to let you sleep.”

“Thank you, honey,” you covered the hand cupping your cheek, nuzzling into it. “I think my body automatically wakes me up now.”

“Where were you just before?” he smiled at you as you reached up to stroke the back of Noah’s head, Rafael removed his hand from your cheek, wrapping his arm around your waist pulling you closer to him.

“Remembering when we first met,” you answered. “I remember thinking that I was in trouble from the split second our eyes met.”

“Really?” he raised an eyebrow, a smirk slowly replacing the soft smile. “Mi amor, charmed by me before I even opened my mouth.”

“Oh don’t go getting a big head,” you scolded him. “We should put him back to bed.”

“Hmm, don’t worry mami, I was charmed by you very quickly as well and that only grew every day,” he kissed your lips before walking back to the nursey to put Noah back in his crib.

“Do tell,” you drawled trailing behind as he entered the room and waited for him to lay Noah down before plastering yourself to his back, arms wrapped around his chest as you looked around him to Noah sleeping peacefully in his crib. Rafael chuckled softly as he ran his fingers up and down your arm before he unlocked them from around his chest, using the grip on your hands to pull you from the room and back to your bed.

“Should I be worried about you getting a big head?” he teased.

“Don’t worry, Rafi you’ll still have the biggest ego in this relationship,” you poked him before you laid down on his chest, your fingers playing with his chest hair. “Now, tell me.” You pouted up at him.

“Bossy,” he tapped you on the nose. “The way you are with Liv, and the rest of the squad. It showed me that you were a kind, compassionate and caring woman. But what really settled it for me, was when you first brought Noah to the squad room after you had started fostering him.”

--

You cradled the little boy close to your chest, humming soothingly as you walked into the squad room. You had promised the team that you would bring your foster son to see them after you had taken time to settle down. You hadn’t even seen Rafael since the court agreed to you fostering. Liv had asked if you would be interested in fostering the poor little guy after the latest care situation hadn’t worked out. At first you had been unsure but the caseworker had let you hold Noah and see him for a few hours at the centre and you were hooked from the moment he cooed at you. The court had agreed to you fostering him, having an older sister who was a Sargent in SVU speak for you helped and the background check was easy, your job paid extremely well and your apartment was big enough for a nursey.  You had a year of just fostering him before you could petition to adopt him. That year couldn’t go quick enough as far as you were concerned .

“Hey guys, you got time for a special VIP visit?” you asked, your voice loud enough to draw Liv out of her office, Rafael following her. Your eyes locked and you were able to watch as he took in you holding Noah, his eyes softened as he looked back up at you.

“For my nephew?” Liv asked striding forward to meet you near the desks of the squad. “Always.”

“I will try to not take offence that I wasn’t included in that sentiment,” you teased handing over Noah to Liv who cradled him so tenderly.

“He’s gotten so big,” Amanda gushed her hand coming up to stroke the back of his head. “How’s he been?”

“Really good, the doctors said he is healthy, and he will probably start teething in earnest soon,” you grinned. “So that will be fun.”

Rafael came up to stand beside you, his arm wrapping around your waist as he pressed a kiss to your cheek. You smiled shyly at him, you weren’t entirely sure how he was going to take to you fostering the little boy.

“Mami suggested teething rings for him that we could put in the freezer,” he said holding a bag up. “I went and got some..”

The rest of the squad happily pretended to be distracted by the baby currently in Amanda’s arms but they all watched the couple, Liv especially was very invested in what was happening. You were currently wrapping your arms around Rafael’s shoulders a look on your face that Liv had never seen before.

“Rafi,” you cooed. “Thank you, I hadn’t even thought of that. Think your mum would be happy to provide some more advice and suggestions?”

“She would be over the moon,” Rafael grinned pecking you on the lips. “And…I would love to help in anyway I possibly could and in any way you want me to help.”

“Really?” you asked almost bouncing on your feet.

“Of course,” Rafael smiled. “If the squad can be torn away from little Noah I wanted to take the two of you out for lunch.”

“Let me see what I can do,” you planted a kiss on his cheek squeezing him tightly before you let go and spun around to face your sister and the others.  “I’m going to need Noah back, you lot. My man is taking us to lunch.”

Since your back was turned you missed how Rafael was looking at you. The expression on his face was almost indescribable, his eyes were impossibly soft and he couldn’t tear them away from you as you took Noah back in your arms, kissing him on his head as you teasingly hip checked Amanda who was pouting at you.

--

“And I later learned that you are fiercely protective of your loved ones,” Rafael’s voice dragged you back to the present. The look in his eyes similar to the one from that day when he came out of Liv’s office.

“Damn right I am, would burn the world for my family,” you agreed pressing a kiss to his chest right above his heart. “Would burn it for you.” Rafael smiled at you trailing his fingers across your cheek.

“Truly?” he asked.

“You’ve been stuck with me since the night you listened to me scream and yell at you, blaming you for Liv being taken by that fucker Lewis,” you propped yourself up on your elbows, hovering above Rafael. “And all you did afterwards was hold me. I had been determined not to let myself feel anything for you, to ignore the signs that you felt something for me, and that night…that night I decided to ignore every reason why dating someone who worked with my sister was a terrible idea.”

“Still think it is?” Rafael asked hands running up and down your back.

“No, not at all,” you rubbed your nose against his placing a kiss on it afterwards.

“Know what I remember from that night?” he asked you rolling the both of you until you were underneath him, your legs cradling his hips as he kissed up your neck and across your cheeks, nuzzling you.

“What’s that?” you asked, a little worried about his answer.

“I remember seeing you breaking apart and knowing that I had no idea how to help you,” he started. “That all I wanted to do was take your pain away. So if letting you scream at me was helpful at all then I would let you scream at me for however long it was needed.”

You stared up at the man that held your heart as it squeezed at his admission. You didn’t think you could love this man more than you already did, but having seen him with Noah and what he just told you showed that you were wrong.

“Rafael, I love you,” you whispered, eyes wet with tears. “I love you.”

You had never said the words out loud yet, Rafael had told you he loved you six months after you started fostering Noah. You had mentioned that after the last six months of the fostering where up you were going to petition to adopt Noah, you had asked him what he thought about it, you had practically moved in together without it being official. You figured you should ask him, concerned that maybe adopting a child might be the line in the sand for Rafael, the two of your had never talked about kids in your future and you knew that if Rafael didn’t want kids that it would be the end of your relationship. But the man had surprised you when he responded by saying that he loved you and would support you in any way you needed. You hadn’t known how to respond, you were a little like your sister in that regards, love was a little tricky. But Rafael took it in stride, like the most amazing man in the world, he hadn’t mentioned it again, at least not out loud, he did small things to show you that he loved you. And that he loved Noah.

“Mi Amor,” Rafael’s voice came out soft and hushed. “I love you as well.”  

The rest of the night was spent in bliss, until the two of you curled around each other trading lazy kisses as sleep tugged you both under.

--

The following morning found you waking up alone in bed. Again. You were thinking you would have to talk to Rafael about that. You hugged his pillow close to you as you rolled onto your side, wondering if you should try going back to sleep, until you heard the most adorable sound. Noah’s laugh coming from the kitchen followed by Rafael’s soft chuckle his words not loud enough for you to hear. You smiled at the sound of your boys, a warmth building up inside. You could hardly believe how well Rafael took to Noah this past year, helping you when Noah started teething, on nights when he stayed over he would always shush you back to sleep if Noah cried as he got up to sooth him. He would take time out of his hectic schedule to spend time with Noah if you were busy with your work so you didn’t need to get a baby sitter. He joined you to any of the doctor visit’s he could, if Child Services made a visit he would try to be there if you wanted him there. He took the two of you out to lunches and picnics in the park.

Rafael went above and beyond, you knew he meant it when he said he would help out but you had no idea he would go as far as he had. In your mind you kept thinking of him as Noah’s father, though you hadn’t dared to say anything out loud. A part of you was still worried that some time soon Rafael would decide that being with you and a kid was too much, that he hadn’t signed up for this. But knowing that right now he was in the kitchen, most likely feeding your son, playing with him and making him laugh almost gave you enough courage to say something. You smiled reaching out to grab the shirt Rafael had left on the bottom on your bed, it was one of his with Harvard sprayed across the front. It fell to your thighs and smelled of him, he would also always leave one of his shirts out for you to wear in the morning.

You padded quietly out to the kitchen phone at the ready to catch what your boys were doing. You peeked around the corner and your heart squeezed at the sight. Rafael was feeding Noah his breakfast while also keeping an eye on whatever he was cooking on the stovetop, from the smell it was pancakes. You switched your phone from camera to video, catching as Rafael imitated an aeroplane with the spoon waving in the air before bringing it to Noah’s mouth.

“Yum, yum, right little guy?” Rafael asked. “Your mami only buys the best for our-her little boy.”

You almost dropped your phone at his slip up, your heart pounding. He was going to call Noah “Our son”, he thought of Noah as his son. You stopped recording and ducked back around the wall, hand clutched to your chest. Happiness burst through you, your smile growing. This was what you needed, after finally telling Rafael that you loved him, you wanted him to know that Noah was his son as well. That this entire time you had been coparenting Noah, and Rafael needed to know. You stepped into the kitchen coming to Noah kissing his head before giving him the last bite of food left.

“Morning love,” you said to Rafael. “Thank you for this, you didn’t have to.” Rafael turned around after flipping the pancake sending you a beautiful smile before he started to make you tea.

“I’m well aware I don’t have do to anything mi amor but I enjoy looking after you and-” you stepped up to him pressing a soft kiss to his lips interrupting him.

“Our son?” you asked. “Because Noah is our son, Rafi. If you want?”

“Amor,” Rafael’s eyes were wide in awe, tears filling them as he stared at you searching your eyes. “Truly?”

“Yes, Rafael, I have thought it for a while I just didn’t know if you wanted that,” you nodded rubbing your nose against his in affection. “But after last night and seeing you this morning I needed you to know.”

“Our son?” Rafael whispered. “Noah is our son.”

“Yes,” you nodded. Rafael grinned as he wrapped his arms around your waist, picking you up to spin you around as the happiest laugh filled the kitchen. He peppered kisses all over your face squeezing you tight.

“I love you mi amor,” Rafael whispered. “And I love our son.”

“We love you as well,” you whispered back. Rafael leaned down his hands cupping your face as he gently pressed his lips to yours before softly and gently moving his lips. Your hands gripped his hips stepping closer to him so there was no gap between your bodies. The kiss was passionate but without the heat of last night.

 The two of you turned in unison as Noah’s giggle interrupted the moment between the two of you. Your son was sitting in his high chair giggling and playing with the spoon hitting it against the table part of his chair. Your lips pulled up into a smile at your son, at the happiness in his giggle. It had taken a while for Noah to express himself and every time he does you are so proud of him. Rafael grinned releasing you to lift Noah into his arms.

“Is our son happy?” he asked lifting Noah up enough to gently blow on his belly. “Does our son want to go to the zoo today?”

“The zoo?” you asked coming up beside your boys. “Don’t you have work?”

“I can take today off,” he grinned. “It’s been a while since we’ve spent the day together as a family.”

You tried to stop your smile from growing too much at the little white lie, you had spent time together last night but you knew to Rafael that this was different. This time you would be together as a family, where everyone knows that the three of you were family. Rafael was almost vibrating with happiness, as he pressed a kiss to your head.

“I’ll get our little man ready,” he grinned heading to the bathroom.

“You’re going to take any chance you have to say our family aren’t you?” you called as you started to clean up, tearing a piece off of the pancake on top on the pile and removing the last one from the pan. “And the two of us our eating the pancakes before we leave!”

“Anything for you mi amor! The beautiful mother of my son,” Rafael called his voice a little sassy but no less loving.

“Yeah, that man is not going to tire from saying that anytime soon,” you chuckled to yourself. And you knew that you would never tire from hearing him say it.