#Benoit x Philip

[ipad-baby-armand]

Would love to see a fic of how Blanc and Philip might have met where Blanc is out somewhere (maybe a fancy little bar or got invited to some party) and women keep flirting with him, but he’s too nice and southern to tell them he’s gay so Philip swoops in all “there you are, dear! I was looking for you” to make it seem like they’re a couple so they finally get the message and go away and now the detective is flustered because of this charming British stranger pretending to be his partner so women will stop flirting with him

[mywingsareonwheels]

All of the comparisons with Poirot etc. are valid, especially considering the Agatha Christie influences on both Knives Out and (especially) Glass Onion, but actually the Golden Age detective Benoit Blanc most reminds me of is Lord Peter Wimsey. Especially with the epic obfuscating chattiness/stupidity. Blanc turns up his Southern Hokeyness to eleven when he wants people to underestimate him; Wimsey turns up his Upper-Class Twit, for the same reasons and in the same way. (And in both cases it’s a play on their own real mannerisms and accent, but they deploy it as a shield and a weapon.) Both are epically courteous, polite, and friendly, but you Do Not Want To Piss Them Off by being horrifying.

Also if anyone wants to write a backstory for Benoit/Philip in which Benoit saves Philip from a false accusation of murder and Philip spends years unsure whether he wants to get together with this man who saved him because gratitude is a terrifying burden, etc... omg I would read the fuck out of that. :D

[andaniellight]

Anyways. The fact that Benoit Blanc's fame in Knives Out universe is just so well-known to the point Google defining him as the greatest detective and Miles recognizing him right on just confirms Benoit must have WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE WANTING HIM DEAD, and also implies that at some point in their romcom love story, Philip might have or might have not been one of those who tried to either stop Benoit from solving a case by being paid to kill him or something, which could also mean Philip has almost the same skill sets as James Bond but never as brilliant as Benoit to NOT ONLY SOLVE A MYSTERY but also managed to prevent this future husband of his from endangering lives (including himself)

[rustandruin]

Every now and then Philip joins one of Benoit’s games with his friends…

And each time he’s the first one to be accused, just so he can be free to sit around and drink his wine and catch up on his reading. (They DO NOT play in the bath.)

[weird-ass-queer]

ima say it first, daniel craig and hugh grant are both internet married and real life married now

[okay-lets-not-panic]

Never seen Knives Out or Glass Onion and may, in fact, never.

BUT

I will definitely be shipping Benoit/Philip.

*goes to search out fics*

[fluister]

“Blanc.” “...” “..Blanc?”

“...”

“The bread wasn’t that bad, was it?” “...”

“Come on, we’ll start that jigsaw I ordered.” “...” -sigh- “...” “Alright... It’s alright. We’ll just sit here a bit longer.”

[whattfisausername]

So if every Benoit Blanc movie features a new food metaphor, I propose that every new movie should show Philip stress baking a different food.

[annamaetion]

Benoit Blanc (and Philip) Headcannons

If they were both on vacation and a ‘busman’s holiday’ happened (aka a murder or other sort of investigation needed) Philip would actually be the most enthusiastic for Benoit to join in, because he’s seen what his husband is like when he goes long stretches without a case.

Word of god (aka the author) has it that Benoit can’t afford his apartment [on his own; I blame the cost of living, and honestly Benoit’s clothing tastes cannot be cheap] and it’s heavily implied that he’s a hobbyist that is more than willing to do charity cases because he cares about the people and justice. So that puts significant weight on the ‘Philip is the biggest breadwinner of the two’ theory (fitting that his quarantine crazy project was literally making bread). TL;DR: Philip is a sugar daddy to Benoit.

Philip is actually more famous than his husband in some circles (possibly the world of finance or fashion?) and Benoit doesn’t mind at all. (Frankly Benoit would be happier if his name wasn’t the first Google result for ‘Worlds greatest detective’)

Marta and Helen are now honorary daughters to the Benoit and Philip, this headcannon is so popular I choose to believe it is just full bonafide canon.

[daenerysbeauty]

benoit blanc and his husband phillip but it’s the “honey, where’s my supersuit?” scene from the incredibles

[ipad-baby-armand]

So in real life Hugh Grant is 62 and Daniel Craig is 54, so I’m putting that as Blanc and Phillip’s actual ages. Now give me a fic about Phillip being insecure at the thought of turning 60 and Blanc reassuring him like the good husband he is

[ghost-of-diogenes]

Older/Old Gays = best characters

[alexjcrowley]

Hi, it's me, the author of the fucked everything au post, this one

I wanted to add some things, feel free to make your additions

-Sherlock is a firm believer in the Doctor, but he think Crowley is the Doctor, just disguised. He tried to nonchilantly pull his "red wig" from his head. (He has never run into the Doctor for some reason)

-Morpheus and Crowley talk shit about Lucifer when they're drunk.

-Watson and Wilson have a bet on whose partner will break the most law in a week. They're always very close wins.

-Dirk Gently and Aziraphale have become great friends, they take tea together every Thursday and they talk about all sort of stuff. Aziraphale finds Dirk captivating in his weirdness, he thinks he is a very interesting human.

-Scooby Doo is afraid of Dog (Adam's dog)

-Gregory House thinks paralibulites is made up, he steals a couple of Todd's pills to analyse them and see if they're like allucinogens but they're not. He forms an alliance with Sherlock to find out what the fuck is there in those pills.

-James Bond can imitate Benoit perfectly but Benoit can't imitate James, he can't get rid of the accent. Q finds James's impressions very amusing.

-Aziraphale and Philip talks about sweet recipes, they also exchange culinary creations, but, while Philip actually makes them, Aziraphale miracles them because he is shit at cooking. Philip always tells him that he is such a great baker and he feels like a beginner compared to him, Aziraphale smiles patting his arm and saying practice makes perfect. When Philip starts asking for details on how to make the perfect sponge cake or a mousse that won't melt, Aziraphale just miracles someone calling him because oh boy he doesn't know the first thing Philip is talking about.

-Both Sherlock and House tried to get Shaggy to sell them marijuana, unsuccessfully.

-Crowley loves to hear House going on and on about how God doesn't exist. It's hilarious for him. He has to physically stop himself from laughing. He pretends to agree with him.

-Dirk is the only one not fazed about Scooby Doo being a talking dog. When Crowley and Aziraphale are weirded out. They're trying to remember if it's one of their old miracles.

-Ascots were invented by Crowley, because they're simply an insult to style, and also he knew Aziraphale would have loved them. He is proud to see Benoit and Fred wearing them, they release a small but effective amount of evil into the world.

-I saw a post on Tumblr, I don't remember by who, that said if Benoit Blanc is with Hugh Grant it means at some point he had to choose between him and Colin Firth, you know, like in Bridget Jones Diary. This is now canon for me. Philip won Benoit Blanc's heart over Colin Firth and Philip hates talking about Colin, the idea that he could lose Benoit over him is just terrible to remember. Also Colin isn't really called Colin his name is Harry Bright. You were fools if you thought I'd leave Mamma Mia out of this.

-Dirk has heard Matthew the raven talk and Scooby Doo talk and now he is convinced he can talk to animals, that's a skill the universe granted him.

-Benoit Blanc and Aziraphale talk about fashion, obviously.

-If Q and Newton Pulsifer ever met all the computers in the world would explode.

-Also here's a small fic I read some time ago that I really love (and it's a House/Good Omens crossover) on how House and Wilson are alive and well in this au

-Dirk actually somewhat counts amongst the supernatural individuals so Crowley and Aziraphale and Dream and Hob started inviting him and Todd to their dinners. The point is Dirk and Todd haven't understood Ineffable Husbands and Dremling are supernatural individuals yet and they just think they're very eccentric folks.

-Dirk stole Crowley's Bentley once because The UniverseTM and Crowley has been trying to kill him ever since, but the Universe won't let Dirk die. This does not interfer with the Supernatural Dinners Aziraphale insists on hosting and the angel made him promise he won't try to kill Dirk at their house.

-He tries not show, but Sherlock is feeling the competitions with all of these other private detectives showing up. Especially Dirk, because he has no idea how they guy does since he looks like an idiot but he is always on top of the cases.

-Aziraphale unsuccessfully tries to buy the old medicine book Wilson gifted house for Christmas.

-Lestrade tried to stop the Scooby Doo Gang from interfering with a police case but ended up talking about cars with Fred and just...forgot he was supposed to stop these guys. He opted for closing an eye. It wasn't even his division, anyway.

-Q and Mycroft have been trying for years to obtain information on Hob Gadling, Aziraphale, Crowley and Morpheus at MI6 because, like, they're weird. They all come from families in which people always had roughly the same name for some reasons, their documents seem legit but there's something wrong about them. Also why is Crowley financing a witch hunting agency. Like yes he looks weird but not let's hunt witches in 2022 weird.

Dirk: "Your name is Sherlock? I have a friend named Sherlock!"

Sherlock: "It's not a very common name."

Dirk: "His name is Sherlock Hobbs."

Sherlock: "...Interesting."

Todd: "So you're like...you're Sherlock...and Watson."

Watson: "There are our names, yes."

Todd: "But, like, just like... Sherlock and Watson?"

Watson: "Yes. Again, these are our names."

-Benoit and Philip are very proud of Fred, they're only worried about his well being always travelling and having to deal with bad guys (especially Philip, he's scared for his son🥺), but luckily Q installed a tracking device in the Mystery Machine

-Sherlock is secretly fond of Steve McQueen the rat and will go to House's house (my God what did I write) just to pet it. House allows it.

-Sometimes Sherlock and House play together, violion and piano. They found out they have more in common than they'd like to admit and that they enjoy eachothers company, even if they'll never say it out loud.

-(btw I think it was @thesaltofcarthage to headcanon that House is Sherlock's biological father and yes it's far fetched but also I am not opposed to this at all, I like it a lot, I vibe with it so I leave this here and give her the due credits).

-The Them ask Morpheus if he is a new Horseman of the Apocalypse. Morpheus simply smiles at them and then tells Adam "My sister likes you" before going his way.

-Aziraphale dislikes Mycroft a lot because may I remind you Mark Gatiss played one of the two Nazis in the church who played Aziraphale for a fool with the book deal. The rest you know yada yada yada Crowley comes to the rescue.

-House often dreams of Fiddler's Green since he is played by Stephen Fry and he and Hugh Laurie are very close friends.

-I like to think Shaggy actually is an failed attempt at an Antichrist that didn't work out and yes he is...someway Lucifer's son. And kind of Adam's brother. But he doesn't know. Also Scooby Doo is an infernal hound like of course. And Shaggy wished for Scooby Doo to be his best friend and like food and be as scared as him of horror stuff so there you have it.

-Aziraphale knows Wilson. He knew John Keating, great professor, and he went to visit him at Welton Academy once. He remember Wilson when he was young, talentex actor, shame he went for medicine in the end, he could really have a future in the arts. Wilson tells himself his mind is playing tricks on him, the weird man he saw with Mr Keating once must be dead at this time.

Last thing I wanna add I didn't expect this whole everything-I've-ever-watched-au to resonate with people and I am happy you like it, I have fun writing but it's even better to share it with someone, please keep adding ideas and crossovers to this. All the comments and reblogs I had under my last posts were brilliant and all together we make a big brain of mind-blowing ideas.

[agentlothcat]

Oh, I care OP. I definitely care 🤩

[queer-frenchmermaid]

My toxic trait is that I see every character in any show as queer until proven wrong.

Since all the cis het people I know consider obvious queer relationships as cis het (eg. ineffable husbands or blackbonnet or Benoît Blanc and Philip, fuck you ''bromance'' they're people in love not ''really good pals") I get to UNO reverse this bullshit, as a treat

[lostrealities0]

Benoit and Philip have both a dog and a cat and refer to them as their children, and i refuse to believe otherwise