#Becky gives her unwanted opinion

[someoneoffthestreet]

it’s been like five years and I am still not over the sheer stupidity of Charlie’s death, like it just slammed into me in the middle of the night just the laziness that went into that episode I cannot believe this like, like, barring my own thoughts and feelings about Sam And The Book and him dragging Charlie and Cas into it in the first place, like that whole situation could arguably be Up To Interpretation, ok, fine, but I mean! I mean!! the whole thing to get to Charlie’s death requires every person in the episode to behave AS STUPIDLY AS POSSIBLE- barring Rowena, who is the lone figure to get out of this episode with her characterization unscathed! I mean!! I mean!!! firstly!! firstly!!! like Sam’s set up this location to block the trackers on the book which are ALWAYS ON, there is ALWAYS A HOMING BEACON ON THIS STUPID THING, RIGHT, but Sam has set up a location to negate that, fair enough, but Charlie. Charlie Bradbury herself. she leaves. this location. for an insecure one. AND LEAVES. THE FREAKIN’ BOOK. OUT IN THE OPEN. CHARLIE. WHO IS ON THE RUN FROM THE FREAKIN’ FBI. LEAVES THE MAGICAL OBJECT WHICH IS CONSTANTLY BEING TRACKED BY POWERFUL ENEMIES OUT! IN!! THE!!! OPEN!!!!! WHY!!!! and if you think that’s bad (and it is! that’s bad enough!) like this is so ridiculous I’m furious just typing this out but!! Sam and Dean! professional monster hunters who have been doing this crap since they were children! capture this dude who they know is super hard to kill and supernaturally enhanced ~somehow and they CHAIN HIM UP BY ONE HAND by one hand they don’t even secure his feet they just leave him standing in the middle of the freakin’ room UNSUPERVISED chained up by ONE. HAND. like you mean to tell me! that our heroes! would do that!! that they would be that BLINDINGLY STUPID to leave their dangerous prisoner like that! are you kidding! are you kidding! this whole episode is set up with the sole, singular purpose to kill off Charlie so that Dean will go off the rails and these writers are so incompetent that this is all they can think of!! this is it!!! fridge the fan-favorite in the most GLARINGLY PREVENTABLE WAY possible! it’s ridiculous! I’m furious on both Charlie and Dean’s behalves to this very day!!! are you kidding!  like people go on about “Bugs” and “Route 666″ but you know what!!! they have their issues for sure but you know what!!! our characters are still acting in recognizable ways and BOTH episodes are constructed more carefully than this dumpster fire of an episode!!! yes!!! even the Deus Ex Machina ending of “Bugs” is better than this!!! how were these writers not fired!!! how are they still on the show!!! are you kidding!!!

(they leave him chained up by one hand BY ONE HAND I’m going to throw a freakin’ chair)

[thegreenhorseman]

Facebook is an enormous social platform that connects millions of people globally.  It serves as a way to reconnect with old friends, stay in touch with long distant ones, and it even serves as a way to meet new friends in some cases.   It is a commonplace that allows for social networking and opens doors for people.   It allows some people to maintain their privacy and helps some quiet others branch out to the rest of the world.

Facebook has even aided the growth of my relationship.  My boyfriend and I met at a kickboxing/martial arts school 7 years ago.  Thanks to Facebook we were able to connect outside of class without the awkward “can I have your number” line.  It gave us time to get to know one another before choosing to go on our first date.

We are also given the ability to find our mutual connections with people which can be very useful in getting a second opinion about a person you just met.  Perhaps your friend Becky knows this person and can give you her experiences.

…or perhaps you want to get to know your colleagues better.  You can do that too.

Facebook has helped guide our decisions on which businesses to support…

Scenario: Your friend Matt said he got food poisoning from that restaurant and a few others did as well.  Best to avoid that place.

…But everyone’s raving about that new restaurant down the road including your coworker Diane!

Sure Google has done a lot for business reviews but Facebook holds its own for sure.

Scenario: You want work done on your house.  You’ve looked at Google and came across a number of businesses.  You get a few quotes and become overwhelmed at who to choose.  This is an excellent time to go to your friends on Facebook.  Chances are you know someone that had a wonderful (or terrible) experience with a business and that helps you make your decision.

You want real opinions from people you trust.  Word of mouth referrals are the most powerful in business.

Facebook has helped spread the word about missing persons and escaped convicts.  It has helped get people diagnosed with odd health issues that went unnoticed.

Time – How Posting A Facebook Picture Saved a 3 Year Old’s Sight

Facebook’s networking abilities encourage people to join groups and attend live events in their own communities.

Concerts, Festivals, Parties, Sales (especially tack sales), and horse shows too.  This is how I got involved with mounted archery in the first place.

The marketplace has been phenomenal in cleaning out the unwanted junk from our homes.  “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” rings true.  I have used the marketplace a number of times with both good and bad experiences.  We now have the opportunity to review our transactions with others to weed out the dishonest ones. The “mutual friends” feature can even potentially help us make decisions on whether to do business with someone.

The fencing (the white tape in the background) and both blankets were found on Facebook.

Facebook has been extraordinary for helping this Green Horseman on a budget.  I have found the PVC tubes, fencing, fence posts, tack, blankets, all for a fraction of what I would have paid new.  Saving that money allowed me to get ahead of schedule in providing the best facility and care for my boys.

Facebook has done quite a bit of good and it also has its skeletons.  Wherever you go there will always be crazy people who want to do harm.  That happens on Craigslist, Facebook, and anywhere you look.

In the end I believe Facebook wants to do good.

For years, Facebook has had a policy banning the sale of animals.  Though it offers no reasoning in the policies I believe it came from a good place in preventing animal abuse and animal wrongdoing.  It also seems to be coming from the pressuring of activist groups who don’t believe animals should be kept as pets in the first place (I’m talking about you, PETA!).

I believe a good home is one that enriches the animal’s life as much as it does the human.  My animals have freedom, know they are loved and respected, and above all, my animals live stress-free knowing they always have shelter and food available to them.  To say they shouldn’t be kept is outlandish.

I believe Facebook’s policy came from a good place but I strongly believe it does more harm than good…especially in the horse industry.

Many groups exist within the horse world to buy/sell horse supplies, tack, blankets, apparel, etc.  It is also used to advertise horses in need of homes.  Some horses are being adopted out by rescue groups, others are being offered privately.  Some horses are competition level and some are being rehomed because a person simply cannot afford to keep up the cost of owning a horse.  There is one thing these horses have in common.

They are in need of new homes.  They need the RIGHT homes.  A horse cannot simply be “pulled from the shelf as is” and be the right fit for someone.  A horse needs the right person with the right skill level, the right situation, and the right timing.  A person needs the right horse, the right training level, the right price point, and the right timing.  It’s not always as simple as a neighbor saying “hey I need to sell my horse…want it?”  It is our responsibility as horse owners and lovers to match the right horse to the right human.  A person might visit 30 horses before they find the right one.

RIGHT?

We live in a country (United States) where nearly 100,000 horses are shipped over the borders to slaughter every year.  Most of these horses are in good condition and are good horses. These slaughtered horses failed to find homes when they needed them.  They are horses that got lost looking for THEIR right people.  Zeno Bay and VaiVia were discarded because their humans failed to find them the right humans.  We don’t know about their past but we are thankful they survived….and they survived because of the networking and rallying done all on Facebook!

VaiVia and Zeno Bay get to enjoy their lives because of the donors of Unbridled Thoroughbred Foundation and the rallying done on Facebook.

Shall we rewind for a moment and revisit the last section…

These slaughtered horses failed to find the homes they needed when they needed them.  They are horses that got lost looking for their right people.

Imagine if Facebook allowed us to post these horses freely without trying to find loopholes or tricky wording.  We may go through a transition period at first…but just imagine finding YOUR UNICORN.  Horses may have a chance to find the right situation once and for all.

More horses would find the person.  More people would find the right horse.  Fewer horses would find themselves in situations where their people could not find a home for them.

Maybe the perfect horse is currently living states away or across the country; Facebook could make that networking much easier.

Maybe you’re involved with a niche riding discipline and want a horse pre-trained for it (mounted archery, endurance, barrels, etc).  Facebook’s groups could help find that horse near or far.

Maybe you are into a specific breed (OTTB?  Morgans?  Mustangs?).  Again, Facebook can help search within that narrow window while reaching a larger group.

Anyone who says “It’s a Small World After All” must not realize just how small the equestrian world is.  Equestrians have connections all around the globe.  Even little ole’ me knows horsepeople in Idaho, California, Nevada, Florida, etc.  The connections and reputations made in the horse world run deep.  It’s possible that if you’re looking at purchasing a horse (and they are on Facebook) they may have some mutual connections that can speak to the person’s care and training of the horse in question.

If I were considering purchasing a horse I would LOVE to know more about the person.  The trainer’s style of horsemanship and training philosophies might differ from mine and I’d want to know that.  If sales were openly allowed on Facebook it might help to know who among my friends knows the seller.

Most importantly selling horses on Facebook helps our rescue groups in more ways than one.  Rescue groups can find homes more easily for their current residents.  By adopting out their horses they make room for the next ones in need of safety.

By allowing sales on Facebook it might prevent some horses from ever needing rescue in the first place.

The downsides of allowing horse sales on Facebook are the same with any sale of horses anywhere.  Selling horses can be a tricky business. Horses act differently with different handlers and horse keeping styles.  Sales and trades go south.  Some sellers are dishonest and might drug their horses.

This isn’t a reason to ban the sale of horses.  It’s going to happen wherever the sales take place.  In the end, horses need to find the right homes and Facebook makes for a perfect outlet in order to do so.

My argument is not likely to go anywhere.  I am nothing more than plankton among the open sea that is the internet and this will not likely ever pass the eyes of any decision-maker for Facebook.  I write this argument for us regardless because the message needs to be out there.  Horses need homes and the current rules, though placed with good intentions, do more harm than good.

An Open Letter to Facebook Facebook is an enormous social platform that connects millions of people globally.  It serves as a way to reconnect with old friends, stay in touch with long distant ones, and it even serves as a way to meet new friends in some cases.   

[placetobenation]

The Basics: 

16 individuals drafted every main show match in WrestleMania history (along with Neville vs Austin Aries from WrestleMania 33 to keep things even). This gives each person a total of 20 matches selected. The draft was conducted snake style so the individual that had the 16th pick in the draft also had the 17th pick to start round two. Each round will have an individual post leading up to WrestleMania 34 and the draft will culminate in our own Mel Kiper (Brad Woodling) giving his opinions and draft grades for how each person did overall. Place to Be Nation will also be able to vote on their favorite draft overall.

Round 4:

Pick #49: Charlotte Flair vs Sasha Banks vs Becky Lynch (WrestleMania 32) – Selected by Jennifer Smith

I definitely knew I wanted a good women’s match so I consulted PTBN’s WrestleMania List-a-Mania from 2017 and drafted the #1 on the Best WM Women’s Match list. Plus, all of these ladies are easy on the eyes.

Pick #50: John Cena vs Batista (WrestleMania 26) – Selected by JT Rozzero

I continued to target underappreciated big time matches, as I feel this one doesn’t get the love it should. It was really good, filled with big bombs and a fun storyline, plus heel Batista at his best.

Pick #51: John Cena vs The Rock (WrestleMania 29) – Selected by Tim Capel

It would seem that I continue to feast on Stacey’s scraps. Unlike Shawn vs. Taker II, this admittedly does feel more like settling for the lesser match. Unwanted though the rematch was by seemingly everybody at the time, Rock and Cena still bring an iconic, big match feel – and with the title on the line to boot. I still admire their efforts in going absolutely nuts with the false finishes to deflect from the foregone conclusion. No regrets here.

Pick #52: CM Punk vs Chris Jericho (WrestleMania 28) – Selected by Chad Campbell

At this point with my top three matches secured, I was looking for best available. I feel like this is an underrated gem that gives you a workrate style main event match with some nice star power that don’t have too many Mania gems elsewhere.

Pick #53: John Cena vs Triple H (WrestleMania 22) – Selected by Brian Bayless

As one era ended in Rock vs. Austin, another begun with Cena winning his first World Championship. Despite the crowd being pro-HHH, Cena showed he belonged in the main event and stayed on top of the company for a very long time.

Pick #54: The Undertaker vs Triple H (WrestleMania 17) – Selected by Scott Criscuolo

The first of a trilogy of Mania matches for these two. On a show already stacked these two could just go out and have a nice tidy brawl all over the Astrodome.

Pick #55: Lawrence Taylor vs Bam Bam Bigelow (WrestleMania 11) – Selected by Neil Trama

Here we get the greatest WrestleMania celebrity match of all time coupled with tons of pomp and circumstance. Plus it puts me on my way to fulfilling JT Rozerro’s prediction that I would draft the entire Wrestlemania 11 card.

Pick #56: Trish Stratus vs Mickie James (WrestleMania 22) – Selected by Aaron George

So I want the full UNEDITED version. With the grabs, the licks, and the audience losing their fucking minds.  There’s a moment where Mickie drops Trish’s throat on the top rope as she falls to the outside, she throws her hands in the air and laughs while the crowd goes ballistic. In that moment I knew I was watching the best women’s match in WrestleMania history. It was then, it is now. It’s legit special, the vibe, the work and the atmosphere are top-notch.

Match time:    9 Mins

Show Time :   48 Mins

Pick #57: Andre the Giant Battle Royal (WrestleMania 30) – Selected by Jordan Duncan

Another aspect I considered was to try to ONLY consider the matches, not the long term results. If you look at this match and it’s long term effects, it failed to make Cesaro a singles star. But on THAT night? He seemed poised to break out as a huge deal. A really fun battle royal with a great finish.

Pick #58: Triple H vs The Big Show vs The Rock vs Mick Foley (WrestleMania 16) – Selected by Steven Ferrari

This match is often overlooked, I think, as a really fun WrestleMania main event. But it has a couple fun storylines, a lot of great action and Rock hitting the People’s Elbow on Stephanie for another classic moment.

Pick #59: Ahmed Johnson & The Legion of Doom vs The Nation of Domination (WrestleMania 13) – Selected by Andy LaBar

Andy Pick: #4    Overall Pick: #59

I know this match isn’t for everyone, but all things considered, this is honestly one of my very favorite WrestleMania matches of all time. It could be part nostalgia, or part HOLY SHIT, but having never seen ECW when this match happened, nor much other hardcore wrestling, the brawl that this match is truly blew my mind. Everything is a weapon, and Road Warrior Hawk is king. Truthfully I almost picked this match with my third pick, and was super happy it fell to me at #59, with my fourth pick. From a card perspective, this match marks where shit is gonna pick up and get really real. We are going to let up ONLY ONCE in these last handful of matches, and we are gonna see spectacle after spectacle. Some say this match may drag on too long, and it may, but it’s fun as hell.

Pick #60: Chris Jericho vs Christian (WrestleMania 20) – Selected by Nick Duke

There were only a few must haves in my mind coming into this, freeing me up to pretty much go with what I felt was the best available match throughout. That came into play here, as Jericho vs Christian is severely underrated and often forgotten in my opinion. Plus, heel Trish. I believe the term is “hache mache.”

Pick #61: Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit (WrestleMania 17) – Selected by Greg Phillips

I believe firmly in variety in wrestling. So far I’ve drafted an all around classic, a Ruthless Aggression era epic, a Hell in a Cell/Attitude Era Brawl match, and now a technical exhibition between two of the finest scientific wrestlers of all time. This match is exactly what it needs to be to fill this niche on the card.

Pick #62: Money in the Bank (WrestleMania 24) – Selected by Stacey O’Louglin

I desperately wanted a Money in the Bank ladder match. While the first couple are more famous and a lot of them run together, I think IV might just be the highest quality match in a vacuum. It’s a crazy balls out spotfest with a litany of reckless and stupid ladder spots, an awesome run in, and a fun surprise winner.

Pick #63: Triple H vs Sting (WrestleMania 31) – Selected by Todd Weber

Sting is one of my top-5 all-time favorite wrestlers, and getting him on this card was a must for me, even if this is a pretty basic and predictable match. Also, this was one of my favorite matches from the first WrestleMania I ever watched live in person! The nWo and D-X run-ins are my favorite part-the stadium rocked!

Pick #64: The Undertaker vs Randy Orton (WrestleMania 21) – Selected by J Arsenio D’Amato

Any dream Mania Card has to have an Undertaker match and this is one of his best.

[trendingnewsb]

4 Reasons Sexual Assault Victims Don’t Step Forward

If you’re anything like me, a person who rarely pays attention to the ins and outs of Hollywood (beyond the Air Bud franchise), the sexual assault allegations against Harvey Weinstein barely registered in your brain. He is only one of the many, many, many high-powered men who have been accused of sexual harassment and/or assault in the last year. It’s almost impossible for a girl to keep all of those names straight in her head — HW is just a blip on the rapey radar.

To my discredit, it wasn’t until beautiful, powerful women with bigger names than Weinstein’s stepped forward and told their stories that I started clicking on the headlines. In other words, I literally didn’t pay attention until Angelina Jolie — the prettiest, richest, most Hollywoody lady I can think of — said she was a victim, and even then, I didn’t faint with the vapors in shock. No one did. In fact, thanks to a hashtag originally created by activist Tarana Burke and a tweet by Alyssa Milano, we all learned at once that just about every woman each of us knows has been harassed or assaulted at one point in her life.

And by the way, #MeToo.

So here’s the big question: Why now? Why did it take the public exposure (gross) of a high-powered movie man for ordinary women to step forward and announce to friends, family, colleagues, and Becky H. from the seventh grade that they’ve been victimized?

For me, the answer is that announcing yourself as a sexual assault or harassment victim to the people you love, respect, and/or barely know in any capacity is awful. Not shameful; I’m more embarrassed that I didn’t click on some celebrities’ painful stories about Harvey Weinstein than I am about my own background. #MeToo asked women to just step forward and align themselves with fellow survivors, and even that simple act was tough. Here’s why …

4

Justice Is Vague, While The Promise Of More Pain Is Concrete

Imagine that a Bad Thing just happened to you. Not your mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, or an actress you like, but you. (I’m making this distinction because I believe that most of us actually care more about our loved ones than we care about ourselves. More on that in a minute.)

Now that you — an interesting, fun, smart, ambitious person who has a million things to accomplish — have been assaulted or harassed, you have a choice. You can tuck this Bad Thing away in your brain and keep living your life as normally as possible, or you can step into the second part of the nightmare of assault: the part where you describe the experience over and over again in front of people who may or may not believe you, who might actually be paid to tear you to shreds in public, and who can destroy every dream or ambition you’ve ever had for yourself. Oh, and if you choose to step forward, your name and your assailant’s name will be linked forever and ever, even after you die. When people think of you, they’ll also think of him. That’s what you’re signing up for when you come forward.

The best-case scenario is that everyone believes you, no one blames you for what happened, and no one thinks your pain is too insignificant for discussion if you weren’t raped. The worst-case scenario is that you end up on national television telling old men how your boss used to describe porn to you and once asked you “Who has put a pubic hair on my Coke?” before he was placed on the Supreme Court.

Whether we’re talking about persistent unwanted advances in the workplace or rape, it takes a Batman-level sense of justice and ovaries of steel to walk into the hellscape of naming names. A lot of women (and kids and men) coldly and carefully look at the path ahead of them, then say “Nope!” and just keep living their lives as best they can.

Until they realize that someone else might get hurt.

I’m not a therapist or an expert or a historian of sexual misconduct, but I suspect that the nebulous concept of “justice” is rarely what compels a victim to come forward. The harm is done and will never be repaired. I think victims come forward when the fear of this same assault or harassment happening to other people becomes so gripping that they can’t handle it anymore and they have to say something. It’s the love of other humans, future unknowable victims, which fuels a woman’s fight through rape kits and police interviews and HR hearings and the courtroom glares of their assailant’s loved ones. And only the bravest, most selfless heroes can do it.

3

Most Victims Don’t Have The Money Or Power To Say Anything

I’ve done the math. As of this writing, the average Weinstein accuser is 44 years old and is describing things that happened about 20 years ago. If it took a mini-army of famous, rich victims and the combined efforts of journalists working for The New York Times and The New Yorker to tease those stories out of them, how in the world can we expect women who are living paycheck-to-paycheck to do the same? We shouldn’t.

There are waitresses, housekeepers, retail workers, teachers, and housewives out there who can’t afford to tell their stories. They don’t have another job lined up, and most people can’t bank on the justice system or HR department to make sure everything turns out OK in the end. Especially not when history tells us it won’t. And what really sucks is that their harassers know it too.

Even kids can imagine the financial cost of confiding their abuse. A child who is in a dangerous situation at home may not worry about their career trajectory, but they know that telling grownups about molestation by a primary breadwinner might lead to a divorce, a separation, a move, a change in schools, or actual hunger and years of poverty. And that might be the best scenario — that’s if the child has someone whom they can trust will take action to protect them. Kids aren’t dumb. They know their teachers aren’t going to adopt them and make sure the lights stay on at home once the abuse is known. Some kids do the math and decide they’d rather just continue in pain than disrupt their world.

In fact, and I’m sorry I have to tell you this story, the #MeToo campaign was inspired by a little girl named Heaven who told a counselor that she was being sexually abused at home. The counselor couldn’t handle the little girl’s pain and sent her away with instructions to find someone who could “help her better.” The counselor was Tarana Burke, and it was her shame that drove what happened next:

“I watched her walk away from me as she tried to recapture her secrets and tuck them back into their hiding place. I watched her put her mask back on and go back into the world like she was all alone and I couldn’t even bring myself to whisper … me too.”

#MeToo started with a woman not helping another victim because the pain was too hard to handle. Survivors of assault and abuse know you might not believe them, and that you probably won’t know what to say or how to act even if you do believe them. They get it. So they just don’t tell you.

2

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person’s Reprimand

For years, Corey Feldman has been screaming that Hollywood is full of child molesters who prey on young actors, that some of them targeted him and his friend Corey Haim, and that at least one of the predators is still working in Hollywood. Nobody has taken him seriously … ever. He even said he named names back in 1993. None of those names were Michael Jackson, so no one cared. Here’s a 2013 video of acclaimed journalist Barbara Walters looking at Feldman like he’s an idiot before cutting him off mid-sentence by exclaiming, “You’re damaging an entire industry!”

Walters has not apologized yet. I predict she’ll say something in a few days. On a related note, here’s what acclaimed fashion designer Donna Karan said in the immediate aftermath of the Weinstein allegations:

“… how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women? What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?

In other words, “Ladies and girls, are your yoga pants and bare midriffs inviting assault? Maaaaaybe?” (Update: She’s since apologized.)

Meanwhile, acclaimed former child star and current working actress Mayim Bialik wrote a New York Times op-ed about how she probably hasn’t been harassed or assaulted because she dresses modestly, doesn’t flirt in public, and never got plastic surgery. I kid you not. In other words, “Ladies and girls, are your perfect bodies, tiny noses, and charismatic attitudes inviting assault? Maaaaaaybe?” (Update: She’s since apologized.) Neither Bialik or Karan are on my short list of people I’m turning to for opinions these days, but guess what? I’m on nobody’s list either, and here I am.

Do you know who is on my list of people I’m looking to for opinions? Acclaimed politician Hillary Freaking Clinton, but I don’t think she gives a flying flip about women who are harassed by their bosses. Sidebar: Does everybody know that Clinton called Monica Lewinksy a “narcissistic loony toon” in the wake of Lewinksy’s affair with President Bill? (Update: There isn’t one! Clinton has supported her husband through one rape allegation, one groping accusation, one harassment allegation, and multiple affairs in the decades they’ve been together. I voted for the woman in spite of her Bill-shaped blind spot.)

My point is that women aren’t always that great at caring about the suffering of other women. Sometimes we actively suck at it. Speaking of sucking …

1

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person’s Weird Attempt At Empathy

As the Weinstein scandal unfolded, nonvictim and documented molester Ben Affleck stepped forward with a statement denouncing Weinstein’s actions. He also said, “We need to do better at protecting our sisters, friends, co-workers, and daughters,” which caused the world to make a collective record scratch before answering, “Wait, what now?” Apparently, nobody told homeboy that Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, and Bill Clinton also have daughters and have historically sucked in their relationships with women.

Obviously, no one should have to bring a female human into the world to grasp the seriousness of sexual assault. And protection shouldn’t be a part of this conversation. Women don’t want their dads and co-workers to act like bodyguards when other people’s dads and co-workers walk into the room; they want to not be raped. So, bad job at reading the room, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

That being said, I get it. The Blunder Twins were each putting their brains in the scariest spot in the world, imagining that someone out there could hurt your child. My list of all-time worst fears range from falling down a gentle hill to the general concept of fire, but number one is someone sexually assaulting one of my children. I’d rather fall down an elevator shaft and land on a pack of evil clowns (who are on fire) than imagine one of my kids being violated.

I’ll put it this way: I don’t know Rose McGowan or Ashley Judd or the more than 40 (!) other women who have so far stepped forward with accusations against Weinstein. I’ve read their stories, and I imagine that if Weinstein had asked me to watch him shower or give him a massage, I would have responded with the same disgust they did. But if someone told me that it was an adult version of my daughter or son in the same scenario, my emotions go into overdrive. If the victim is me, I’m grossed out. If the victim is my daughter, I’m Liam Neesing. When Trayvon Martin was killed, President Obama said “this could have been my son,” and that was the most intimate, empathetic thing he could say in that moment.

So yeah, men, if it takes picturing your child (or a friend or sister or mom or me, whatever) as a victim for you to get interested in the conversation, that’s fine. Just make it a mental exercise and don’t be weird about it.

Read more from Kristi on Twitter.

For more, check out 5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women and 7 Reasons So Many Guys Don’t Understand Sexual Consent.

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[someoneoffthestreet]

So Cloud just crashed through the church’s roof, and I want to give a small progress report on some of my thoughts to this point.

So far, I am just delighted by the characterizations. I love that even as Cloud is standoffish and cold, you can see that he’s trying a little too hard and there are moments when even he can’t help himself. Tifa is bright and peppy and optimistic, but she’s also anxious and hesitant, and so far they’ve been treading that line very carefully and very well. I’ve been adoring Barret, he’s gung-ho and a little over-the-top, but that just makes his quieter moments stand out that much more, such as his conversation with Cloud on the train, or when he talks to or about Marlene. Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge are all ADORABLE and I both love and hate that I can see so clearly what these writers are doing, not just with them but with Sector 7 as a whole, I see it and I can’t unsee it and I’m SAD.

So that just leaves Aerith. And again, I stopped right after the cutscene where Cloud wakes up on her flowerbed, so I haven’t had a good sampling of how she’s been handled. Truthfully, Aerith has been the one I’ve been most nervous about characterization-wise going into this. I’m hoping that the writers’ track record with everyone else is a good sign for how they’re going to write Aerith, too.

The gameplay is challenging but fun, which is an important balance. Graphics-wise, the scenery and our mains are gorgeous, but the talking animation for the NPCs is a bit...ehhh. Like some of their expressions are downright cursed in my opinion. Story-wise, I have no complaints. I loved that first hallucination/vision/panic-attack Cloud had after the bombing, and I spoiled myself slightly on the wraith things and I think there’s some pretty cool potential there. However, what I’ve heard about the ending makes me nervous- hopefully the execution will be good, but right now it’s the first thing I’ve seen/heard about this game that I really don’t like. But I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

[someoneoffthestreet]

I Am My Monster: After coming clean about what’s been going on with him and how he’s feeling, Steven’s trauma and self-hate, which has been festering since season 1, finally comes exploding out of him (literally) as he takes the form he sees himself as: a frightening, unbeatable monster. This is resolved by Steven’s family, the ones who love him most and who he’s helped the most, rallying together to take him gently into their arms and say, “I’ve got you, I love you, it’s going to be okay, we’ll do this next part together, you don’t have to be alone.” Thus, having shown his ugliest feelings and not been shunned, Steven reverts back to himself and allows himself to vent his pain and shame in a healthier manner- not healed, but safe, and finally on the right path to recovery.

...

Random Internet Personality #349: Anyway “I Am My Monster” was a bad finale because everything was fixed by a hug and there wasn’t a giant kaiju fight where the Gems beat the tar out of Steven in a cartoon show which has always primarily used communication and empathy to resolve its conflicts.

me: ‘kay.

[someoneoffthestreet]

The thing about Far From Home for me right now is- seeing this movie was really stressful for me. Don’t ask me why, I don’t fully understand it myself. Just planning this whole outing turned out to be much more anxiety-inducing than I ever thought it would be, including a small panic attack earlier this morning.

all of that is going to color how I feel about this movie and how I’m going to feel about people’s reactions moving forwards. there’s something inside me that’s really tangled up with this film and I can’t think of what or even why that is.

for now, I liked the movie. I did. there’s terrific stuff in there that I’m still thinking about and being like- wow. but I’m gonna need another viewing to really sort out how I feel about the film itself, and fandom-wise (especially the circles I run in,) I can just sense this storm brewing around it and I’m already tired.

[someoneoffthestreet]

Now that I’m thinking about it, I just want to say: I want to be excited about Frozen 2 coming out next year. I want to be even cautiously optimistic. But all I can feel is dread. Know why?

Because I know what’s going to happen on this website the instant any promotional material drops.

Look guys, I was there. I didn’t care back then like I do now but I remember. I remember the vitriol surrounding the first film even before it hit theaters. I remember how ready people were to hate that movie.  I remember the discourse about three seconds of animation. I remember it. And I’m just- I’m not ready to go back. I can’t do it. But I can feel it coming. It’s coming.

[someoneoffthestreet]

...why does that Pikachu Detective movie look so legit. how did this happen. it should not look that good.

[someoneoffthestreet]

I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I’ve come to the conclusion that Homecoming may have given me my favorite Spider-Man/Peter Parker moment ever put to screen. which isn’t at all easy to say, because that movie gave me so many wonderful moments for the character, but for now, after thinking it over, I’ve decided they’ve given me the best Spidey moment in the movies. And that’s (spoilers spoilers spoilers) the scene where Peter saves the Vulture’s life.

consider everything the Vulture has done in the movie before this point- what Toomes has done to Peter specifically just that night. Toomes looked Peter dead in the eye and threatened to kill him and everyone he loved. he dropped a parking garage on the kid and left him to die. and yet when presented with the opportunity to let Toomes fall victim to his own devices, Peter goes into the fire and drags him out. it’s a completely altruistic act, and makes me think a little about Wonder Woman and the discussion of "it’s not about deserve, it’s what you believe”. you could argue that at this point Toomes doesn’t necessarily “deserve” to be saved, but Peter saves him anyway.

this is followed by Peter dropping Toomes on the beach, Peter standing over Toomes. throughout the movie, practically everyone looms over Peter. everyone is about his height or taller, and they only look up at him when he’s on a higher platform. otherwise, there are key moments in the film when someone is shown to loom over Peter, to highlight his youth and inexperience and how in over his head he is. but here, on the beach, with a newly rescued Toomes staring up at him in shock and confusion, Peter is the one who looms, larger than life. and he isn’t wearing a fancy suit, he isn’t wearing a badass supersuit, he’s just a shrimpy-looking kid in a repurposed hoodie. but for a moment, he stands tall.

and that- that is Spider-Man to me. that is the key to his popularity and longevity, all wrapped up in one scene. because Peter is oftentimes ill equipped for any given situation, he’s not necessarily the strongest or the fastest or even the smartest character on the board. he’s just a good person with a good heart who chooses, day in and day out, to do the right thing. and that, more than anything, is what makes him the best.

[someoneoffthestreet]

Spoilery thoughts on Homecoming, beware.

I have some thoughts about Homecoming- more specifically, the lack of overt Spider Sense in the film. Admittedly, that was something that kind of hit me as I was leaving the theater and left me confused, but it was only after watching a few reviewers bring it up that I really started thinking about it. So excuse me while I try to jumble this out. Long rambling under the cut.

So before getting into Homecoming, and Peter’s presence in the MCU overall so far, I would like to jump back to the previous incarnations. I’m going to mostly rely on the 2002 film, as that is the one I’m most familiar with, but I think most of what I have to say here will apply to the TASM films as well. That movie took the approach to Peter’s relationship with his powers as if the film were a one-off: when he first gets his abilities, there’s a lot of shenanigans and slap-stick and general awkwardness as he tries to understand what’s going on. We get some montages of him practicing and whatnot, but after Peter chases down the robber, this element of the story disappears. Peter is suddenly 100% comfortable in his abilities and how they work. This is acceptable in the format of a one-off film; after all, you have a limited amount of time to work through a certain number of story beats, and How Do I Shot Web shenanigans can only take up so much room. The problem comes in when you start making sequels. Since your hero already seems to have a perfect grasp on what he can do, where do you go from there?

(By upping the ante, of course, and a good sequel will know how to do this well. But that’s another discussion.)

The difference with Peter in Homecoming is that he’s now in the MCU, where him reappearing is almost certain a given. Which means, he doesn’t have to be a master of his abilities at the end of his film, because he’s going to have more time to develop them later. In addition to that, this wasn’t even his introduction to us in this universe, Civil War was. And Civil War has at least one overt use of the Spider Sense. So if it popped up there, where was it all through his stand-alone film? 

In Homecoming, Peter is coming at everything from the viewpoint that he is ready for the big leagues. He had a taste of the Avengers’ world, he wants to dive back in, and he’s taking every opportunity he can to prove he can and should be ushered back into that world. So of course, when he and Ned discover the suit’s latent set of subsystems, he naturally decides to hack into and unlock all of them, because, as said above, he thinks he’s ready for and can handle them. But this decision leads him to spend the rest of his time in that suit heavily dependent on Karen and Droney. He’s not figuring out cool new moves and how his own abilities work naturally, but rather learning what the suit is capable of and how to use it. Which leads to him being at even more of a disadvantage when Tony takes away the suit at the end of the second act, and he has to face off against Vulture in his crappy homemade one which doesn’t have a bunch of fancy bells and whistles to keep him safer than he usually would be.

Basically, because Peter hasn’t been relying on his natural abilities during the movie, he hasn’t been spending time developing them. And this includes the Spider Sense. The Spider Sense can be one Peter’s most unique and important assets when he knows how to interpret it, but if he doesn’t bother learning how it works, then it would be more annoying than anything. There’s plenty of media out there that shows how puzzling it can be, and that sometimes Peter even flat-out ignores it. (And at other times that he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean he’s necessarily going to react to it in time.) Again, if Peter hasn’t spent time learning how his Spider Sense works, it’s going to do diddly-squat for him.

So, what exactly am I trying to get at here? What does this all come together to say? Well, it’s basically this:

In previous Spider-Man outings, Peter’s abilities have been treated as though the filmmakers are only going to have this one chance to show what Peter can do, so they try to develop that as quickly as possible so they can do as much as they possibly can. But the MCU is different. Spidey isn’t going to just be in This One Film and then they’ll have to wait to see if they can make another one, we already know Peter is going to be back, and soon. Which means that they can take more time developing him- and how his abilities work. My hope is, that they’re going to approach this like TV shows can. The Spectacular Spider-Man, for instance, is something that immediately springs to my mind: in that show, you could see a very definite progression in Peter’s power level and how he uses his abilities- enemies that were overwhelming to him in season one, he’s going toe-to-toe again in season two. And if the MCU plays its cards right, I hope that this is something we’re going to see happen with Peter in coming films. That we can watch Homecoming 2, and then go back to the first film and see the difference in how Peter handles himself and his abilities. And if it does go that route, I think there are two very key things that happened in Homecoming to set that up:

The rubble scene. Peter is completely and entirely alone. He doesn’t have Karen or Droney. There’s no tracker in his suit, so Tony’s not coming to save him this time. All Peter has is himself and, in that moment, he has to realize and accept that has to be enough. That what he can do is enough. (Or, y’know: “If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it.”)

Him turning down the Iron Spider suit and Tony’s offer to join the Avengers. Peter knows where he fits in this universe now, and what he wants to do with his abilities and where he is needed. He knows what kind of hero he wants to be.

If we add these two things together, then this could (and should) lead to Peter coming more and more into his own in coming films. And though Peter got his Civil War suit back at the end of the film, if all that tech is still inside it, I would hope that we will see Peter leaning away from Karen and the toys, and learning to rely more on his own instincts. And, subsequently, relying more on his Spider Sense.

[someoneoffthestreet]

I guess- I guess I really was naive, even still

I guess I really did believe that something- anything- had changed. that after the outrage from Dean beating Cas in the library in s10, that maybe perspective would have changed. that people would have realized

but no. nothing’s changed. it’s the same ol’ same o’l bullshit. I literally did not think I could get heartbroken over this crap again, that I’d put enough time and distance in this not to care, but here I am. again. 

I love De*n/C*s in canon. but fanon has been ruined for me for years and now I know that isn’t ever going to change

[someoneoffthestreet]

The Shining

I read the book over October as my Halloween story (it’s become almost a tradition of mine to read Stephen King for Halloween) but I’m not here to talk about that. I finished the book earlier, and I decided to sit down and watch the Kubrick film. And maybe I should have watched it so soon after finishing the book, but, well...

...mostly I was just thinking throughout it, “People think this is a good movie?”

Well, now that I think about it, I don’t know if I’ve ever heard someone say it was good, I’ve just heard that it’s scary. And it wasn’t even really that? I’ve seen episodes of Supernatural that scared me more? It just seemed like a bunch of long establishing shots while the music went into overdrive in the background. Which- let me get into it:

The music was telegraphing way too hard. Person sitting in a room? OOOoooooOOOOhhh be scaaaaAAAAAAaaaared! People running around outside? SOOOOOOO FRIGHTENIIIIIING! Shot of a hallway? THESE STRINGS ARE SCREECHING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU SHOULD BE AFRAAAAAIIIIID!! Like I can appreciate that they were trying to establish a mood and a sense of dread around the hotel, but do you really need overly-dramatic orchestration to do that? The ONLY time it seemed appropriate was at the ending, when it really started to ramp up.

The characterization...is off.... Even just from a view-point of the move on its own, I don’t buy Jack as a guy who loves his family. In the early scenes they try to make Jack and Wendy seem so folksy, but there was never an interaction between the two where I knew why these two got married. And part of that, I think, is that Jack Nicholson does a great job when Jack is fully crazy, but I don’t buy him at all in the softer moments. He has a permanent application of Crazy-Face in this film, and it suffers because of it.

I am absolutely livid about what they did to Wendy. Like legit furious. Book!Wendy is a badass, and they nerfed her here. I can’t even say if it’s because Shelley Duvall was miscast, because I have no idea if making her so helpless was purposeful on the screenwriters’ part- though I have a strong inkling it was. For that I’m of two very divided minds about her: the part of me that just read the book and got super invested in Wendy is furious that they turned her into this air-headed, indecisive shrinking violet who mostly just screams and looks horrified at stuff. The part of me that’s trying to look at the movie as someone who hasn’t read the book wants to appreciate that she at least got to fight back against Jack and escape with Danny. (And there’s another part. Speculating about the writers’ intentions. But I won’t go into there.)

THEY. KILLED. HALLORAN. I KNEW THEY WOULD. BUT STILL. BUT STILL.

What the heck was with the titillation shot of the ghost in 217- oh, pardon me, 237, sorry- about? What was the point of having Jack make out with random sexy lady- besides the obvious- and then have her turn into the corpse of a much older lady. Why. Why that sequence. It started to promisingly. Why.

So we’re doing away with the whole thing about the boiler, and replacing it with an extended chase through a hedge-maze and some cliffhangery, symbolic shot of Jack being in one of the photos. ‘Kay.

(No seriously, why that. Why shoehorn that idea in. Is it meant to suggest that this is all just Jack reliving this moment over and over again? Is it meant to say that Jack is one with the hotel now? Was he reincarnated? You’ll probably say to me- “IT’S GOOD PRECISELY BECAUSE IT’S SO UP IN THE AIR!!! YOU JUST DON’T LIKE IT BECAUSE IT ISN’T SPOON-FED TO YOU!!!” No? I don’t like it because it doesn’t make sense to be there, and its only reason of being is to pretend to add depth while actually adding nothing.)

I have a cold, I can’t think, I’m gonna stop my whining here.

[someoneoffthestreet]

Everybody wants Taika Waititi to direct Guardians 3 now, and I’m over here thinking that the Guardians movies (my favorite of the MCU) walk a very fine line between silly and tragedy, and coming off of Ragnarok, I absolutely do not trust Taika to be able to thread that line

But that’s just me

[someoneoffthestreet]

I say this as someone who as an 11-year-old had her world rocked by that first Raimi Spider-Man film and loves that movie and its sequel to this day:

I’m getting kind of sick of these white 30-something dudes on the internet continually comparing Homecoming to the Raimi films and talking about how it doesn’t live up to them

[trendingnewsb]

4 Reasons Sexual Assault Victims Don’t Step Forward

If you’re anything like me, a person who rarely pays attention to the ins and outs of Hollywood (beyond the Air Bud franchise), the sexual assault allegations against Harvey Weinstein barely registered in your brain. He is only one of the many, many, many high-powered men who have been accused of sexual harassment and/or assault in the last year. It’s almost impossible for a girl to keep all of those names straight in her head — HW is just a blip on the rapey radar.

To my discredit, it wasn’t until beautiful, powerful women with bigger names than Weinstein’s stepped forward and told their stories that I started clicking on the headlines. In other words, I literally didn’t pay attention until Angelina Jolie — the prettiest, richest, most Hollywoody lady I can think of — said she was a victim, and even then, I didn’t faint with the vapors in shock. No one did. In fact, thanks to a hashtag originally created by activist Tarana Burke and a tweet by Alyssa Milano, we all learned at once that just about every woman each of us knows has been harassed or assaulted at one point in her life.

And by the way, #MeToo.

So here’s the big question: Why now? Why did it take the public exposure (gross) of a high-powered movie man for ordinary women to step forward and announce to friends, family, colleagues, and Becky H. from the seventh grade that they’ve been victimized?

For me, the answer is that announcing yourself as a sexual assault or harassment victim to the people you love, respect, and/or barely know in any capacity is awful. Not shameful; I’m more embarrassed that I didn’t click on some celebrities’ painful stories about Harvey Weinstein than I am about my own background. #MeToo asked women to just step forward and align themselves with fellow survivors, and even that simple act was tough. Here’s why …

4

Justice Is Vague, While The Promise Of More Pain Is Concrete

Imagine that a Bad Thing just happened to you. Not your mother, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, or an actress you like, but you. (I’m making this distinction because I believe that most of us actually care more about our loved ones than we care about ourselves. More on that in a minute.)

Now that you — an interesting, fun, smart, ambitious person who has a million things to accomplish — have been assaulted or harassed, you have a choice. You can tuck this Bad Thing away in your brain and keep living your life as normally as possible, or you can step into the second part of the nightmare of assault: the part where you describe the experience over and over again in front of people who may or may not believe you, who might actually be paid to tear you to shreds in public, and who can destroy every dream or ambition you’ve ever had for yourself. Oh, and if you choose to step forward, your name and your assailant’s name will be linked forever and ever, even after you die. When people think of you, they’ll also think of him. That’s what you’re signing up for when you come forward.

The best-case scenario is that everyone believes you, no one blames you for what happened, and no one thinks your pain is too insignificant for discussion if you weren’t raped. The worst-case scenario is that you end up on national television telling old men how your boss used to describe porn to you and once asked you “Who has put a pubic hair on my Coke?” before he was placed on the Supreme Court.

Whether we’re talking about persistent unwanted advances in the workplace or rape, it takes a Batman-level sense of justice and ovaries of steel to walk into the hellscape of naming names. A lot of women (and kids and men) coldly and carefully look at the path ahead of them, then say “Nope!” and just keep living their lives as best they can.

Until they realize that someone else might get hurt.

I’m not a therapist or an expert or a historian of sexual misconduct, but I suspect that the nebulous concept of “justice” is rarely what compels a victim to come forward. The harm is done and will never be repaired. I think victims come forward when the fear of this same assault or harassment happening to other people becomes so gripping that they can’t handle it anymore and they have to say something. It’s the love of other humans, future unknowable victims, which fuels a woman’s fight through rape kits and police interviews and HR hearings and the courtroom glares of their assailant’s loved ones. And only the bravest, most selfless heroes can do it.

3

Most Victims Don’t Have The Money Or Power To Say Anything

I’ve done the math. As of this writing, the average Weinstein accuser is 44 years old and is describing things that happened about 20 years ago. If it took a mini-army of famous, rich victims and the combined efforts of journalists working for The New York Times and The New Yorker to tease those stories out of them, how in the world can we expect women who are living paycheck-to-paycheck to do the same? We shouldn’t.

There are waitresses, housekeepers, retail workers, teachers, and housewives out there who can’t afford to tell their stories. They don’t have another job lined up, and most people can’t bank on the justice system or HR department to make sure everything turns out OK in the end. Especially not when history tells us it won’t. And what really sucks is that their harassers know it too.

Even kids can imagine the financial cost of confiding their abuse. A child who is in a dangerous situation at home may not worry about their career trajectory, but they know that telling grownups about molestation by a primary breadwinner might lead to a divorce, a separation, a move, a change in schools, or actual hunger and years of poverty. And that might be the best scenario — that’s if the child has someone whom they can trust will take action to protect them. Kids aren’t dumb. They know their teachers aren’t going to adopt them and make sure the lights stay on at home once the abuse is known. Some kids do the math and decide they’d rather just continue in pain than disrupt their world.

In fact, and I’m sorry I have to tell you this story, the #MeToo campaign was inspired by a little girl named Heaven who told a counselor that she was being sexually abused at home. The counselor couldn’t handle the little girl’s pain and sent her away with instructions to find someone who could “help her better.” The counselor was Tarana Burke, and it was her shame that drove what happened next:

“I watched her walk away from me as she tried to recapture her secrets and tuck them back into their hiding place. I watched her put her mask back on and go back into the world like she was all alone and I couldn’t even bring myself to whisper … me too.”

#MeToo started with a woman not helping another victim because the pain was too hard to handle. Survivors of assault and abuse know you might not believe them, and that you probably won’t know what to say or how to act even if you do believe them. They get it. So they just don’t tell you.

2

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person’s Reprimand

For years, Corey Feldman has been screaming that Hollywood is full of child molesters who prey on young actors, that some of them targeted him and his friend Corey Haim, and that at least one of the predators is still working in Hollywood. Nobody has taken him seriously … ever. He even said he named names back in 1993. None of those names were Michael Jackson, so no one cared. Here’s a 2013 video of acclaimed journalist Barbara Walters looking at Feldman like he’s an idiot before cutting him off mid-sentence by exclaiming, “You’re damaging an entire industry!”

Walters has not apologized yet. I predict she’ll say something in a few days. On a related note, here’s what acclaimed fashion designer Donna Karan said in the immediate aftermath of the Weinstein allegations:

“… how do we display ourselves? How do we present ourselves as women? What are we asking? Are we asking for it by presenting all the sensuality and all the sexuality?

In other words, “Ladies and girls, are your yoga pants and bare midriffs inviting assault? Maaaaaybe?” (Update: She’s since apologized.)

Meanwhile, acclaimed former child star and current working actress Mayim Bialik wrote a New York Times op-ed about how she probably hasn’t been harassed or assaulted because she dresses modestly, doesn’t flirt in public, and never got plastic surgery. I kid you not. In other words, “Ladies and girls, are your perfect bodies, tiny noses, and charismatic attitudes inviting assault? Maaaaaaybe?” (Update: She’s since apologized.) Neither Bialik or Karan are on my short list of people I’m turning to for opinions these days, but guess what? I’m on nobody’s list either, and here I am.

Do you know who is on my list of people I’m looking to for opinions? Acclaimed politician Hillary Freaking Clinton, but I don’t think she gives a flying flip about women who are harassed by their bosses. Sidebar: Does everybody know that Clinton called Monica Lewinksy a “narcissistic loony toon” in the wake of Lewinksy’s affair with President Bill? (Update: There isn’t one! Clinton has supported her husband through one rape allegation, one groping accusation, one harassment allegation, and multiple affairs in the decades they’ve been together. I voted for the woman in spite of her Bill-shaped blind spot.)

My point is that women aren’t always that great at caring about the suffering of other women. Sometimes we actively suck at it. Speaking of sucking …

1

Victims Might Get A Powerful Person’s Weird Attempt At Empathy

As the Weinstein scandal unfolded, nonvictim and documented molester Ben Affleck stepped forward with a statement denouncing Weinstein’s actions. He also said, “We need to do better at protecting our sisters, friends, co-workers, and daughters,” which caused the world to make a collective record scratch before answering, “Wait, what now?” Apparently, nobody told homeboy that Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, and Bill Clinton also have daughters and have historically sucked in their relationships with women.

Obviously, no one should have to bring a female human into the world to grasp the seriousness of sexual assault. And protection shouldn’t be a part of this conversation. Women don’t want their dads and co-workers to act like bodyguards when other people’s dads and co-workers walk into the room; they want to not be raped. So, bad job at reading the room, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon.

That being said, I get it. The Blunder Twins were each putting their brains in the scariest spot in the world, imagining that someone out there could hurt your child. My list of all-time worst fears range from falling down a gentle hill to the general concept of fire, but number one is someone sexually assaulting one of my children. I’d rather fall down an elevator shaft and land on a pack of evil clowns (who are on fire) than imagine one of my kids being violated.

I’ll put it this way: I don’t know Rose McGowan or Ashley Judd or the more than 40 (!) other women who have so far stepped forward with accusations against Weinstein. I’ve read their stories, and I imagine that if Weinstein had asked me to watch him shower or give him a massage, I would have responded with the same disgust they did. But if someone told me that it was an adult version of my daughter or son in the same scenario, my emotions go into overdrive. If the victim is me, I’m grossed out. If the victim is my daughter, I’m Liam Neesing. When Trayvon Martin was killed, President Obama said “this could have been my son,” and that was the most intimate, empathetic thing he could say in that moment.

So yeah, men, if it takes picturing your child (or a friend or sister or mom or me, whatever) as a victim for you to get interested in the conversation, that’s fine. Just make it a mental exercise and don’t be weird about it.

Read more from Kristi on Twitter.

For more, check out 5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women and 7 Reasons So Many Guys Don’t Understand Sexual Consent.

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