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originalwinnercheesecake · 4 years ago

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Chain of Iron theories: Who is the Killer

Its coming up on a week since last made a COI theory post. I said that I was going to try to post all my theories on COI BEFORE it comes out next month, so this posed a problem. So mow I am going to give my input on one of the biggest Mystery’s for COI, Who is the Killer? So in COI Belial will have a new minion who will target the shadowhunters, manages to kill 5 of them (same number Tatiana needed for the ritual) and is difficult for them to apprehend because they are somehow able to disappear. CC has left some hints that the killer is actually another Shadowhunter that Belial has somehow managed taken Possession of, despite protection rituals that should have been placed on this individual at birth ( My theory on that is that since this book is called “Chain of Iron” we will learn that Belial controls all his pawns with “chains of iron”. All hidden on their persons and glamored to look like ordinary accessories.) Our synapse for the book says that James Herondale has been having strange nightmares and fears he may actually be the killer. In COI he will start to tie himself up to sleep at night. We all know its not James right? In mysteries like this you always throw out your first guess/ the obvious guess. I have seen a lot of posts theorizing on who the true identity could be. I have seen some theories do not make much sense to me and some that were really good.

One theory that seems off to me is the idea that the killer is actually multiple killers, more specifically a collection of the survivors of Belial’s illness. If you support this theory I get your reasoning:Belial was able to briefly posses these people before, and the illness may have left biological changes in them. But here’s where I am confused, the killer is implied to be a massive threat wielding enhanced dark magic. At the end of COA there are 30something cured shadowhunters released from Silent City. CC says that the killers body count will be 5. If Belial has 30something new pawns that he can posses, gift his terrible powers to, and send out to prey on shadowhunters, I feel like there should be a lot more than 5 victims. I know Beial is not yet at full strength from battling Cortana, but he should at least be stronger than that. I have also heard theories that it is one of the Blackthorns. This also does not make much sense to me, given that for one thing none of them have training, Tatiana and Grace already have established rolls in Belial’s plans, and while I know Jesse is a part of Belial’s plan I believe his part will be save for COT after he has been resurrected. IF Belial were using Jesse’s empty body to walk the earth, then wouldn’t he also need to stop anyone from trying to resurrect Jesse?

I have heard many theories on Elias Carstairs being the killer. Many of them just want to make Elias out to be CC’s newest and most horrible monster parent, and absolve Alastair of any responsibility or need to apologize for the cruelty he has shown to our mains. If this is your reasoning for believing Elias is the killer than let me stop you right there. CC has written multiple series and her skills have evolved beyond the need to rely on such easy black and white tricks. But I also saw some people posting about how Elias goes home so late and stopped writing to his family. Some are theorizing that the real Elias Carstairs was intercepted and killed on his way back home and that the being that arrives in COI is actually an eidolon demon pretending to be Elias. This theory is AMAZING. It makes a lot of scenes, would give Belial another spy in a key place, and could potentially explain why Cortana starts acting so weird. I love this theory I do. I am just putting it t the side right now because I need the real Elias alive for other Carstairs family theories, and again have been working with the theory that the killer is a real shadowhunter whom Belial is controlling with another “chain of iron”. My theories are below.

1.) Lucie Herondale is the Killer

I am working with he theory that all Belial’s pawns have “chains of Iron” on them, which means all three blackthorns have them. In old art CC released of Grace she is seen wearing a pearl necklace that I was convinced had to be her’s. Tatiana’s (who probably consented to wearing hers) could be anything, maybe that stupid, creepy bird, she wears in her hat. Jesse... is mentioned several times to wear a locket.... that we know is connected to Belial.... and was weakened when he took it off to give to Lucie... who is wearing it now. Do you people see where I am going with this? It can also be noted that one of the parts of Lucie’s arc is that she is frequently overlooked in favor of James and how that is a mistake on peoples parts. Everybody knows that James has powers, he has had 4-5 years of people helping him figure out what they are and how to control them. Nobody but ghosts know that Lucie has powers, she has no training, and is only starting to understand what they mean. James is vulnerable but so is Lucie. I do not want her to be the killer. Lucie is such a fun character, and I was so happy to finally have a female Herondale play a role that was close in size to her male relative’s. I truly feel that Lucie deserves better than to be just a tragic character in the story. I want her to be that plus a hero, but I cannot deny that she is a possibility.

2.) Charles Fairchild is the Killer

I have seen Charles name appear on multiple lists of theory’s on the killer’s identity. People never really give reasons as to why they believe he is the killer. They are just mad at him for choosing to put his career higher on his list of priorities than his relationship with Alastair, or him being the killer would hurt less because he is not written to be a fan favorite. If you are someone who wants the killer to be Charles, but are unsure how likely it is your in luck. Because I can give you a whole list of reasons it is likely

Charles is already acting strange. We know he made some kinda screw up in Paris and had to come home. Apparently Charlotte is sending Tessa and Will to Paris to Start the fix up and Charles will go back afterwards. Well based on what we have gotten on Charles making a mistake like that is unlike him. Casting Long Shadow’s reveals that Charles has been working as a politician since he was 13 and is normally known for being very dependable and reliable. That’s part of the reason he is considered such a shoe-in for Counselor once his mother retires.??? I have theories on Charles mental state (which I will address in a later theory post that will be centered around the Fairchild’s) and do consider the possibility that he was sett off by fear over the outbreak or grief over losing Alastair... But this sudden change could be from other things as well

As of COG2 Charles is engaged to Grace Blackthorn, who controls him like a puppet. Grace herself is the puppet of Tatiana Blackthorn, who is the puppet of Belial. So Charles is now part of a very dangerous carnival. Charles decade of study and knowledge of clave politics at the top could be very useful to Belial in taking them down. Also previous short stories say that Charles spends most of his time in Idris for work and when in London usually stays at home going through law books and records. So I could easily believe he does not completely know his way around London and (like the killer is hinted to) would need to use a map to get around.

Now on to my biggest reason for theorizing Charles for the killer. Charles and Matthew’s relationship with each other. Charles and Matthew do not get along, like at all. They did once, but that was a real long time ago. A lot of the reasons they don’t get along is dumb sibling stuff: Charles calling Matthew an immature child, kicking him and his friends out of rooms in their house, and lording his increased age over Matthew. Matthew making more noise to annoy Charles, telling everyone Charles embarrassing middle name, and regularly sneaking into Charles room to steal his cologne instead of just buying his own. We are not hear to discuss any of that. All of that has me laughing because it is peak sibling rivalry. Rivalry aside Charles and Matthew model the old dynasty trope for Ssons with Charles being “the Heir” and Matthew being “the Spare”. The Heir’s life is decided for them as soon as they are born, they will succeed their parent and continue their legacy. The Spare is just that, a back up plan kept around should the heir die, become disabled, never marry, or turn out to be infertile (happens way more than people like to think about). Charles struggles with the weight of his parents expectations. Matthew is more or less the Black sheep of his family, living his life day by day with no grand plan. Because of this he is cut off from them in a way, and goes through a lot of loneliness and isolation in his own house. Neither brother see’s the others hard time; the other has what they themselves want: Charles has attention, Matthew freedom, so they wrongly assume the other must be doing fine. This is a lot like Matthew and James relationship in Dust and Shadows. Matthew and James talked things over with each other and were good after. Matthew and Charles stay apart and ignore each other when they cannot. They will not just talk and be good after. So maybe if put on different sides they will fight out their issues with each other? On the subject of Matthew having to fight Charles, lets say hypothetically Charles is the killer and is possessed. We know from previous books that clave protocol is to place a kill order on possessed members. If that becomes the case do you think Matthew would be able to follow through with those orders? Be able to hunt, fight, and kill his older brother? No. No matter how rough their relationship I doubt Matthew would ever be able to do that. It would be to much for him, to similar to his “sin”. He would want to catch Charles, then try to find a way to free him from possession. Maybe if Mathew could successfully accomplish this then maybe he could forgive himself for his “sin”. If Matthew tries to save him and fails than at least this time other people would know and could potentially get him some help.

3.) Filomena DI Angelo is the Killer.

Ahh our upcoming new arrival from Italy. Why are you coming to London girl? Haven’t you heard about all the crazy things that happens there last fall? What possible role could you play in the story that couldn’t be filled by one of our many already existing characters from COG2? (Do you even know your way around?) How suspicious that Filomena should show up around the same time as this killer? Wouldn’t it be great for the story if the killer came from a different country? Wouldn’t that do wonders for showing how powerful a threat Belial is? His dark influence stretching across country lines, maybe even across oceans! We have already been told that TLH characters will need to travel to other countries. How the villain is less one person and more a force. Filomena could start that. She could provide reason to search countries besides London for Belial’s influence. Proof of it being so wide spread would definitely make Belial feel more like a force. Oh but wait, cheesecake wait. Filomena cannot be the killer! That would make her evil, and CC said she was a nice girl! Oh I am sure Filomena is a nice girl, but people tend to change when under demon control. But she is a girl and the killer is hinted to be a male shadow hunter! Are we sure the killer isn’t presented as male because Belial is presented as male? Is it impossible that while on the hunt as the killer Filomena DI Angelo dress in men’s cloths in order to more safely move through the streets? I feel like we have saw that trick once before in TID.

All we really know about Filomena is that she came to London, will interact with some of our established characters, and she will get a crush on someone we know, thus presenting herself as a possible love interest. Matthew was my first guess, hey he was every bodies first guess. CC shut that down, Filomena is not being brought in to fix the love triangle between James, Cordeila, and Matthew. Matthew is one of the only ones to not have at a least semi-confirmed endgame ship. So this means that Filomena will probably not be endgame with her crush. Why? My next guess was her crush was on Anna. Ariadne is shown to be relentless in her attempts to “win Anna back” and Anna is not having it. Tweets time and time again depict her basically telling Ariadne “Its not going to happen. Give up and leave me alone”, but falling on deaf ears. So maybe Anna will try to get a new girlfriends and keep her around until she is ready to forgive/ go back to Ariadne. Well Anna is more a secondary character, a loving big sister figure to our mains. She gets less page time because of this. We already know she will spend time with Cordelia, Lucie, Ariadne, Eugenia, Thomas... not much page time left for Filomena. After further analyses I have theorized that Filomena must have a crush on Thomas.

A quick google search on the name Filomena shows that it is an Italian name that means “loving friend” “strong friend” and “lover of music” all these sound kinda like Thomas. (Filomena is also the name of a character in the 14th century Italian collection of short stories called the Decameron, who liked to make stories up about plagues... or so some digging around google told me ). This could fit quite nicely into Thomas’s story. First of all to everybody who has been calling Thomas “gay” please wait a moment to be sure. Thomas does not yet publicly or self identify as gay. He clearly has an attraction to one man, but CC says that he has not yet realized his sexuality and will spend TLH figuring out. He might be gay, but he could just as easily turn out to be bi or pan. For the sake of this theory lets assume Thomas is Bi. Thomstair is definitely endgame. We know Alastair is gay, and CC usually likes to pair gay characters up with bi characters in queer ships, see Malec and Heline. Should Thomas be bi, should he start to become close and develop feelings for Filomena, it will have to go wrong. More wrong than he considers his feelings for Alastair at the end of COG2 (Filomena do not hurt this boy, he has been through enough). We got a tweet that suggests Thomas is interested in the killer, and a hint that he is planing something big. We got a kinda frightening picture that suggests the Killer may be very interested in Thomas.

If Lucie is the killer she will somehow be freed from Belial’s control,. I can 100% guarantee it, Charles I feel will have a 50/50 chance, Filomena will die from it. It would be a herculean task to free her, and she is not important enough to the mains for them to actively try and do anything more than give her a merciful death. Should she and Thomas become close than it will break his heart. But if Alastair is there for him afterwards, able to emphasizes and offer him comfort that will go along way to redeeming Alastair to Thomas. The whole experience could be love is hard, both men and women have the ability to hurt you. but the right person will make it up to you and it is good to forgive them when they do. I personally think that would be a pretty cool direction for Thomas’s arc to take.

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septiembrre · 4 years ago

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Physical affection prompts! 21! 25!

Prompt: accidentally knocking your head into someone’s chin + playfully biting someone

Established relationship. Beth and Rio try couples yoga. An injury ensues.

Side note: This is the first time I’ve ever attempted writing from Rio’s POV. Augauahgah!!! I feel like all the straight Mexi-boys I know are mad sappy about the ladies in their lives so… this is Big!Soft. Don’t hate.

On Ao3

A Bit of a Stretch

It goes like this.

Three months ago, a yoga mat shows up in the car. It’s purple (her favorite color), and Elizabeth probably thought it inconspicuous, neatly rolled up and tucked away in the back. But Rio’s only gotten to where he is in life because he’s got a meticulous handle on the details. So he notices, and it makes him pause -- the reminder of who he is these days.

And he likes to think he’s a smart guy, evolved and shit. But, he’s got to admit he likes the thought of it -- his girl, Aphrodite trapped in suburbia (or was it Athena?), rolling up in the Wagon to some bougie yoga studio. Elizabeth would swing ‘round the back to grab her mat, doing that walk she does when she’s feeling herself as the other PTA chicks’ jaws drop. He likes the security of his second pair of keys in her hands, on her keychain.

What did it say about Elizabeth’s hold on him that he fuckin’ delights in this daydreaming?

And it’s complicated -- ‘cause on one hand, when did he become this guy? Actually, he knows. Three years, eight months, and two days ago. He’s not overly-obsessed with his relationship or anything, but a counter runs in his mind -- how long he’s been with her. So much so that he’s been thinking of getting the date of when she robbed him (the first time) on the inside of his wrist, a complement to the bracelets she’d bestowed him, to drag out as A Move during sex or to embarrass her in front of her friends.

And on the other hand, it’s like... damn, it’s been too long since they fucked in the car.

They cohabitate now -- them and all their kids. They still had an absurd amount of sex in public places (and shit, since when had that been his kink?). He still takes great delight in pushing all her buttons and getting her to unspool around his cock, on his mouth, and in his arms.

But, they were a lil’ calmer now, less feral. They had partially domesticated what this was and had fun in doing so. They shared a bed now, were crate-trained as it were.

She and hers are his family.

But, fuck, he’d been a strict no-strings-attached, hit-it-and-quit-it type of dude for years -- all of his adult life. It was what came with his job.

He had tried to do his best by Rhea when he had gotten her knocked up. But, looking back on it, the exercise had been doomed. When Marcus was born, Rio was in his late 20s rocketing to the top of the food chain. It had been a time when all he could do was keep his head down and do the work -- running in the streets, scheming, consolidating power, and ultimately, he had to make a choice.

Was he going to be a boss, a father, or a husband? To be honest, he only had time for one, but he did his best to make fatherhood fit.

It’s what it was all for in the end, right?

And yet, somehow despite all and many odds, here he was toting Elizabeth’s yoga mat around in his car. Mick rolls his eyes when he sees it, and there’s the typical jokes about being pussy-whipped and what not. But, yeah -- he loves her. At this point, he can’t really deny it. So, he laughs along with Mick’s jokes, and then sends him to chauffeur their million kids around, just to make sure he knows what's what.

Anyway, after a few weeks, Rio comes home from the gym and finds her practicing alone in the house, the kids scattered to their other respective households. Elizabeth’s got a video going on her phone, and her back is arched in a way he’s only ever seen in bed and she has to realize is provocative. But, she eyes him, self-conscious and with old defensiveness, as she twists into a few shapes.

He tries to keep it chill, knows about the residual feelings she carries about her body (and Christ, he can’t believe he’s only had the opportunity to shoot her ex-husband once, he should have taken his own advice and emptied the fucking clip). So he settles close to her with his battered copy of Edith Hamilton’s Mythology from highschool that he’s been trying to get back into, and steals glances at her over the pages.

He skims the pages on Athena and then Aphrodite, and he likes the hyperbole of each but neither quite fit.

He eventually comes back to Artemis.

And, yeah, maybe.

He looks up at Elizabeth again and admires her form. He admires her strength -- that reedy cord of tenacity he’s admired for so long making itself more visible through the facade of soft as she finds new ways to hold herself up and get herself stronger. Her hair keeps falling into her face and he itches to crawl on the mat with her and pull it out of her face.

She’s fucking gorgeous.

As she continues, Elizabeth notices him watching, and she starts to get a little playful. Eventually, he lures her off the mat and onto his lap.

Yoga becomes part of her routine on the days she doesn’t feel like driving into the studio. And he gets it. He’s always turned to grounding himself in his body when he’s needed to work through things. His first love had been basketball, soccer while on family vacations (and only with his cousins from Tamaulipas). In high school, it was track, and he still loves running, but with Detroit winters he’s mostly moved on to boxing and tennis. Never yoga, though.

And yeah, he has some reservations, and yeah, it makes him feel their differences. He’s a tad judgemental about the white-owned yoga studios gentrifying the fuck out of his city. Blocks he grew up running in Detroit-propper suddenly got white people eyein’ up his tats and clutching their wallets. And shit, when has yoga ever been for guys like him?

But, life increasingly becomes more complicated.

He can still like that E’s found something that’s for her and he likes the peace it brings her. He appreciates the way it unknots her shoulders, the particular vibe it gives their day afterward when she’s able to let go of some of that stress she carries. He tries to complement it by eating her out and that special type of really good sex that comes from whatever alchemy is between their bodies. And yeah, he likes the headspace it gets her in, how it shifts the way she approaches their work, and the new depth it adds to the way they touch each other when sex isn’t her only form of therapy.

So when she gets a water bottle with the yoga studio’s branding, Rio teases her a bit but he encourages her to go for the membership. Naturally, E being E, it don’t take her long to make nice with the owners. And then Elizabeth comes home excited about how she had just committed to doing a run of the studio’s promotional swag at the store. He and Elizabeth end up with a postcard on their fridge, a color photo of the studio’s abstract mural. The other side has text that advertises an event line up at the studio that includes a fucking “gong-bath”. It takes him a week to let it go.

Actually, he hasn’t. He still brings it up.

But, then a second yoga mat appears -- a green one -- tucked away in the spare bedroom, mostly hidden under some of her crafting materials. He finds it, wonders for a split second why she needs two and has an answering inkling of where this might be going.

The next day, a lil’ custom print for a “partners” yoga event gets pinned next to the first postcard on the fridge.

And like... he loves her and all. But, does it really go that deep?

Rio pauses in front of the fridge, sipping his tea and staring at the picture of a white dude balancing presumably his Black girlfriend in a pose above his head. His eyes track to where Elizabeth sits in the other room knitting and watching the latest episode of her British baking show (he has half the mind to submit her name to the American spin-off). Considering what she’s up to, she sits with her back a lil’ too straight (on edge one might say) clearly waiting for a comment or for him to show her some grace.

And…

Nope. He’s not going to make it that easy for her.

To her credit, after her episode is done, Elizabeth FaceTimes Ruby and asks her first. Then, as if to make a point that she’s rounding out her bases, she calls her sister. And it’s true that Marks’ sisters’ relationship is as close as it's ever been -- their family criming has forced Elizabeth to trust her sister with her life. But, damn, if he knows she don’t trust Annie to do anything remotely acrobatic, much less cartwheel Elizabeth into the air.

He settles at the island in their kitchen with his tea and his work. She’s got the call on speaker in the other room, when Annie asks, “And gang boo?”

“What about him?”

Rio scoffs loud enough to be heard in the other room.

“Why doesn’t he go with you?”

E pauses, probably fiddling with the strand of her knitting yarn on the couch behind him. “It just doesn’t really seem like his thing?”

Annie snorts. “Have you asked him?”

“No,” Elizabeth sighs into the phone, as if she isn’t a few paces away, having a very audible conversation.

“Don’t people usually go with their SO’s to these things? I mean I appreciate that you think I have the upper body strength for this, but you have to know that I will never in my life be able to do a push-up.”

“It was just a thought--”

Annie continues, stuck mid-rant, “And, like there’s no way I can be your counterweight. You have so much more body than me. We’re like completely different proportions. ”

“Well, so are me and Christopher.”

“Yeah, but Christopher actually has body strength. Lots of it. “ Annie retorts. “And he’s going to love you sweaty, and sticking your butt up into the air, bendy and wearing tight clothing--”

He bites at his bottom lip and supposes yeah, he could try it once.

“Okay, fine! I’ll ask him.”

Rio waits for her to come to him as he tries to make headway on his accounting. But, E doesn’t show.

Instead, it comes later -- when they’re in bed. She’s being extra-nice, extra-smiley, and charming, cracking jokes and making him laugh. He hates it except he also loves it -- when she thinks she can get the drop on him like her dumb ass ex-husband. Except, unfortunately for Rio, she really does know her target.

She waits until right after she blows him to ask.

Elizabeth crawls up his spent, panting body, and pins him with hers. She kisses him hotly with her mouth that tastes like his come and he fucking loves when she does that. Then, she retreats to bite playfully at his chin and asks if he’s seen the flyer on the refrigerator.

And he gives her a little shit about it but…

He admires the strategy

------

The couple's yoga class is on a Saturday morning.

It’s the middle of March, and he’s fucking over winter. Detroit, so far from Mexico and so close to being the fucking North Pole.

The temperature means he’s got to get bundled up in sweats, put on his damn parka and snow boots, all to take it back off again when he gets there. Apparently, the studio is heated perennially at 90 degrees. He don’t know how Elizabeth handles it, she’s so bothered by heat. He complains to her, and she reminds him that this is just like when he goes to the gym on his own. Except this time, they’re doing something together. And she’s being all shy in a way she usually isn’t any more around him and she’s fuckin’ happy he’s coming with her.

The night before she had presented the green mat to him. He had said “Thank you” como su mamá lo enseño, and committed to stepping outside of his comfort zone.

“Show me how this goes, darlin’?”

Elizabeth had swelled up with the thrill of explaining something to him, and launched into it, “Yoga’s basis is breathing…”

She had given him the low-down and gotten him started in the basic poses. He liked her hands, soft, and prim and careful, pushing and pulling at him and adjusting his posture. He had ended up fucking her on the mat -- as a proper thank you and to give her a little something to think about in class tomorrow as they contort their bodies in a way she’s adamant is not meant to be sexual.

And he’s not trying to be a dick or ruin the day for her, but he’s dragging his feet a little bit. He don’t really want to be spending his morning off, kid-less, in a room focusing on his breathing surrounded by crunchy, white gentrifiers.

And he might be simmering a choice comment about how it’s ironic that she wants him to focus on his breathing after she was the one who fucking shot him in the lung that one time...

But, he knows she’s not thinking of it like that and he knows if he just told it to her she’d get it. But, he don’t want to make it all about him and the struggle... and he’s rich now ain’t he? And Elizabeth’s excited to have him with her while she does her thing, excited to show him off -- and that gives him enough energy to walk through the door, green mat under one arm, and her hand in his.

Immediately, they’re ensconced in a wave of warmth as they step into the heated studio, and there’s an earthy smell hitting him strong. He zeroes in on the incense lit at the check-in counter and Rio’s nose wrinkles in distaste on its own accord.

Elizabeth squeezes her hand, in a silent reprimand. Behave. Then, she moves around the counter to hug some of the people hanging out back there.

There’s a flurry of introductions, a Bridgid, a Cassandra, Bryce, Patsy, and Tiffany. Tiffany is Black and he thinks Cassandra could be Latina… He ain’t sure. They’re all revealed to be instructors or staff of some kind and E seems to be chummy with all of them. He knows Tiffany is her favorite and will move heaven and hell (and their fucking drop schedule) to make it to class with her.

He isn’t sure exactly why so many of them are but apparently, they like to hang out here? His palms itch and he feels the sweat start to drip under his thick jacket.

E starts to pull off her winter clothes, as she lingers in conversation with Tiffany, asking her about her husband and how Tiffany’s weight training is going. He blinks at his girl and the shit she can pull out of her repertoire.

“I’m so glad you get to finally meet Christopher.”

Tiffany turns to smile wide at him. “Beth has made so much progress in the past few months.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” and she’s got a friendly vibe so he tries to dial up the charm. Smiling, and playing the proper beau, “She talks about y’all all the time.”

Behind them, he clocks that instructor, Brad or Bryce, checking out Elizabeth’s ass when she ain’t looking. And sure he’s about Rio’s height and got some definition on his abs, but his jaw’s too square like it’s never taken a hit, his muscles never used in a fight.

Rio snags the eyes of some chicks looking at him a little too eager. Damn, it’s Saturday morning and these people need to chill.

And he rolls his eyes, tsking, then steps closer and loops a hand around Elizabeth’s waist, drops it down to her ass for a moment. He makes a show of leaving a kiss against her temple and then he bounds towards the cubbies, ready to shed some clothes. His jacket is about to kill him.

As he peels off of the layers, he looks around, and okay -- it’s not as white as he worried it was. There’s other POC settling in for the class, at least one other interracial couple, too. And that Cassandra chick’s sweatshirt says “Chingona AF’ on the back. She’s the same shade of light brown as him, a mid-30s willowy mujer with a queer buzzcut.

He loosens up a bit and settles into the space. This heated shit is nice.

A few moments later, Elizabeth joins him and after they’re done tucking their stuff away, she draws him over to her favorite corner. They roll out their mats -- purple and green -- side-by-side.

They settle on their respective mats and Rio takes the opportunity to give Elizabeth the same once over that asshole did. Her ass really does look great in those pants and she could fill out any shirt. Her eyes linger over him too, tracing his skin, the bar tattoos peeking out from under his t-shirt that she’s seen a million times and then her eyes meet his and she gives him that small, crooked lil’ smile.

He’s not one for religion, but every so often he takes his mom to Spanish mass. All the viejitos and pious Catholic types think he’s a banger but his ma’s still excited to show him off. He sits with her in the pew and when the priest asks for the congregation to give thanks to God, he says a prayer for the riches that have come to him, the health and brilliance of his son, the vitality of the other little ones in his life now, and Elizabeth. And when he thinks of her in those moments, he sees her in his mind’s eye with this exact look on her face.

And to top it all off, the 90-degree heat is already working some kind of magic on the knot he’s been trying to get out of his shoulder for the past two weeks.

He smiles back at her.

“This shit is dope.”

“Yeah?”

He shrugs, playful. “I like the heat.”

She scoffs, still smiling, “Of course, you do. I thought I was going to pass out the first time I came.” He laughs and tallies a point. He called it. E shakes her head, “I had never sweat so much in my life.”

And it goes like that.

Right as class starts, a white guy with dreads and his skinny, blond girlfriend settle in the space next to them. The white dude turns to nod in acknowledgment, but his eyes drop down to take the ink at Rio’s throat. He tries to be subtle about it but he and the girl scoot a few inches away.

And he ain’t even seen all the old bullet wounds yet.

Rio turns to look at Beth. She’s also staring at the couple, her mouth settled in a thin line.

Then she meets his gaze.

One of the instructors starts calling the group in, welcoming them to class, and Elizabeth takes the last opportunity to gently careen into his side, and kiss him deeply.

Then she's back on her mat, listening attentively to the instructor like she didn’t just start some shit.

And yeah-- he and Elizabeth are different. They move through space differently, and she has access to things he never will no matter all the gems, rubies and diamonds, Mercedes and stacks he adds to his hoard of wealth, And Rio has wondered, worried, if there will ever be a day when they look at each other and decide they don’t fit anymore.

But, damn if she don’t make him feel alive like nothing else.

So as the instructor has them sit back-to-back and leads them through an opening meditation. It’s corny as shit and formal meditation is not really his thing, always having relied on sports (and fights and hits) as a substitute in the past.

But, he tries to settle here, in this room warm like a blanket, next to Elizabeth.

The class itself is pretty fun. The instructors are hands-on, demonstrating, and walking them through everything. It’s easy enough to pick up with them (and Elizabeth) giving him adjustments, and he likes the excuse to get his hands on her in a different kind of way.

He helps Elizabeth through some inversions, smirking down at her with this particular view of her cleavage. She gets a few, sneaky passes at him, and he don’t know who she thinks she’s fooling surrounded by a room of people, and a whole team of instructors circling them.

In one particularly nice sequence, Rio curls down into the mat in the child’s pose, Elizabeth had shown him as she stretches on top of him, her whole weight settling along him like a cocoon.

Damn, he’s going to make them take another class like this ain’t he?

The class eventually shifts into what the teachers call aerials.

He lays on his back and lofting E up into the air over him. It takes a little finagling to fully adjust to the distribution of her weight, she’s obviously top-heavy. He stares up at her -- her gorgeous, sweaty face smiling down at him -- and looks over the particular arc of her cleavage. And despite how much time he spends palming at Elizabeth’s tits, he underestimates how much they must hurt her back.

No wonder she needs this shit.

‘Course that’s when Bryce or Blake comes over to “check on their form” and is this guy really going to try to check out his girl’s ass again? Right, the fuck now?

Blake/Bryce pushes at Elizabeth’s shoulders trying to adjust her position and she maintains very apologetic eye contact with Rio. Huh. So, she’s aware.

Then, It all happens real fast. Her balance shifts and her hand, sweaty with the heat, slips across his palm and out of his grasp.

The realization hits him-- She’s gonna fall.

And for a brief, terrible moment, her face freezes above him skewed with panic and fear, and then, as if in slow motion, she floats closer, down to earth.

And he knows better. He fucking knows better from all his fucking years of boxing, the previously-mentioned lifetime of playing sports. But he clenches his damn, fucking jaw just as the crown of her head collides with him.

And there’s a sharp, bolt of pain spearing through his chin.

And in this room, this heated blanket, incense-burning, crunchy, granola room…

He’s knocked the fuck out.

-----

Well, then it’s a fucking show.

In the familiarity of Elizabeth walking into the studio, they hadn’t asked him to sign a liability waiver. Someone procures ice, and he cradles it to his chin as Bryce apologizes and asks if he can call an ambulance.

For a concussion.

And he’s pissed the fuck off but it’s still kind of funny? Because the only thing that had ever put him in a hospital had actually been this girl standing next to him (tal pesadilla when she put three slugs in his chest). But, he has to stop laughin’ because it hurts his jaw and they’re all looking at him like he’s nuts.

Elizabeth grips his free hand like a vice, and he’s nursing a hell of a headache, as he has to swear a million times that he ain’t gonna sue anyone. Then, finally, blessedly, they’re allowed to walk out.

Elizabeth insists on helping him into the car. Tiffany and Cassandra accompany them, helping Elizabeth carry all of their shit.

They stand at the curb watching, concern etched on their faces as Elizabeth reverses out of the snowbank and drives off. And Elizabeth drives because he most definitely has a concussion. And she drives them straight to the fucking ER.

They spend half an hour fighting parked in the lot outside. But, he knows concussions and he knows his limits.

He convinces her to take him home.

-----

The first twenty-four hours of the concussion are the most important. He’s not supposed to look at screens, not supposed to work. He knows his shit but Elizabeth reads at least ten internet articles on her phone as she lies in bed curled next to him.

They spend the childless afternoon with the curtains drawn, lying in their bed, not fucking.

But, the cuddling is good, too.

Elizabeth strokes up and down his arm and talks to him about little nothings to keep him company. She periodically gets up to grab him glasses of water and more ice. And this sucks, but all things considered, this might be the nicest concussion he’s ever had.

Eventually, they wander to the kitchen to figure out food.

Elizabeth pauses staring vacantly at the fridge. Then her shoulders start to shake, and now he’s wondering if she’s okay. But, her hand raises to unpin the flyer from the fridge and he hears the first snicker.

She turns to him, laughter breaking across her face, pointing to that ridiculous picture. He knows enough now to recognize Tiffany lofted in that showy, stupid af aerial pose.

He chuckles and then cringes as the pain at his chin flairs.

Elizabeth pouts but is still laughing to herself. She ambles over to him, wraps her arms loosely around his middle, and lays the softest kiss on his chin.

“I’m sorry, Christopher.”

He shakes his head, just a smidge because movement fucking sucks right now. “It ain’t your fault.”

“It was my idea.”

“It’s okay.”

She curls into him, deflating, crumbling the flyer into her fist. He gingerly rests his head on top of hers.

“I liked it.” He admits.

“You did?”

“Yeah.” The smell of her lavender-shampoo drifts into his orbit. “Liked you curled all around me. Liked touching you like that. Gave me some ideas.”

She nods below him, pulling him tighter. “I liked it, too.”

“You’ve gotten so strong now, Elizabeth.” He kisses her at her temple. “Maybe next time you should do all the lifting.”

She pinches him at the ribs. Then, “Next time?”

“I’ll tell you what.” He shifts back to make eye contact with her. “We get to do a whole lot of private practice.” He gives her a look to make it clear exactly what he means -- sex. “Then, we’re gonna go back and make sure Bryce is really sorry, ‘kay? Make sure he knows I’m still around.”

And Elizabeth beams that crooked little smile at him.

“Okay, but the next time you have to give me your hoodie or something.”

He nods, a smidge but still manages to imbue it with sage, territorial wisdom. “That would help.”

“Well, I meant more for me to...” She looks at him, eyes darting. “Claim you.”

I mean he is living for that but he frowns at her. “But, everyone there was a couple.”

Oh. Oh yes. Now he remembers.

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Elizabeth rolls her eyes. “And I don’t share.”

Her hand drifts low on his back, then lower to curl a firm grip on his ass in the privacy of this home that they share.

Unfortunately, despite all this time, Elizabeth still doesn’t know when to quit when she’s ahead.

“Though, honestly, I don’t know why they kept staring at your butt.” She murmurs, sassing him while he’s down. “There’s nothing here.”

Esta pinche mujer. She’s lucky he loves her.

Fuckin’ adores her, really.

Damn.

#my writing #i have got to stop listening to the weeknd #i blame a choice few in the fandom #beth x rio #brio #nbc good girls #ahhhhhhhhh #please don't hate my soft!Rio

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kaluawoo · 4 years ago

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OC Character Ask

Tagged by @nyanberri! I have too many OCs to choose from so I’ll uhhh just take Lexy/Lexie/Lexi I guess bc she’s my KH OC and I’ve met you through KH. and bc I need to flesh her out more Putting it under a cut for length and some KH spoilers until like KH3-ish

Tagging @silverfeathers to do it too :3

1. Do they have a morning routine that they do to get ready for the day? What about a night routine?

Aside from the standard get dressed, brush teeth, etc, not really.

2. Is there anything specific that they need before they go to bed? A night light? Warm milk? Maybe a story?

She didn’t before, but after she and her family got attacked by Shadows, she started writing a journal each night, and some nights she needs a night light.

3. Do they have a skin care routine? If so is it long or short?

Not really skin care, but she’s tried out a lot of scar creams. I’d put more info but all google gives me is “How to get rid of scars” and not “How to make sure they don’t feel uncomfortable”

4. Do they like tight clothes or loose clothes?

Either is fine as long as it’s colorful, she’s basically a walking rainbow.

5. What is their favorite color?

Do you have to make her choose...? I guess if she has to, she likes dark blue, the sky just after sunset. Or the red of Axel’s hair and the black of his coat

6. What kind of stuff do they dream about? What do they have nightmares about?

Most of her dreams are those weird dreams that make you go “????” but when you think a bit you can easily decipher which happenings during the day caused what part of the dream. Nightmares, though, usually have to do with her or people she cares about getting cornered by a hulking black mass with piercing yellow eyes.

7. Do they have any special talents? Singing? Dancing? Playing an instrument?

Well it’s definitely not playing poker, Lexi can’t do a pokerface to save her life lmao. She’s gotten a little bit of training with different weapons, but not much, like, Sora’s experience with wooden swords was probably better than what she can do at the start of her journey.

8. Are they active? If so what do they do? Workout? Play a sport?

She’s gotten Axel, Demyx, Roxas, and Xion to teach her a little bit of fighting cringe is dead my OC is friends with half the Org deal with it but not a lot tbh, especially since it’s several different fighting styles that she now knows the basics in, but none she’s actually good at.

9. What is something that they are really passionate about?

“Listen Nobodies DO have emotions, I HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH THEM FOR AGES, EVEN THEY REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT because they’re all IDIOTS, but trust me I know that!”

10. Do they ever have a self care or 'me’ day? If so, what do they do?

Lexy is a total extrovert and loves company, so a “me” day usually still involves hanging out with other people. Maybe if she really just wants to relax, hanging out with Demyx specifically and listen to him play the sitar.

11. What’s something they’re secretly really insecure about? Is it something physical or maybe something related to who they are or what they identify as?

Her non-existent fighting skills. Lexie kinda-sorta joins Sora’s group for the timeline of KH2, and she tries but especially at the start she’s just... Not good at it. And if she faces Shadow Heartless she has almost no chance because she tends to freeze up then. She does get better at fighting over time though.

12. Have they ever dated? If so, how did their last relationship end?

She’s probably had a few dates as a teen, maybe a partner, but nothing too serious. She’s (with almost no success) trying to hide that she’s got a crush on Axel/Lea, and they finally get together around DDD.

13. Do they care about quality or quantity with their work?

When it’s for friends, quality, otherwise she’s kinda just “eh, good enough” for stuff.

14. What is their favorite scent?

The smell of a campfire. Heat in general is nice (hot water smells different than cold water I swear), but campfires especially.

15. What is their favorite genre of music?

Lexi’s fine with whatever tbh, but it varies a bit on her mood. If she’s stressed or just wants to chill, she’s taken a liking to sitar music, otherwise she really likes pop.

16. What do they usually have for a midnight snack?

Nothing, usually.

17. Have they ever snapped because of what someone said or did to them? If so what happened? Do they regret it and did they apologize?

Theoretically that scene isn’t written yet, buuuut. Lexie’s best friend is Demyx. Sora is not exactly sad about killing her best friend. I’d say it’s pretty damn understandable for Lexie to get pissed off in that situation. She’s very emotional in general so probably snapped at people in general when it came to the topic of Nobodies; sometimes she’d apologize, but not always.

18. Do they have any kind of medical condition? If so what? Asthma, kidney disease, etc.

Well I’m pretty sure having her parents and almost herself killed in a Heartless attack could’ve caused PTSD, so I need to do some research on that before writing more with her.

19. Have they ever had a panic attack? If so, what caused it and how were they able to calm down?

Well, I’m pretty sure seeing the monsters who killed your parents and seeing your friends and crush killed in front of you can cause those - The Shadows moreso directly, while the friends/crush stuff usually needed a while to really hit. Like, so much happening it once, that a few hours or days afterwards it hits her all at once and she just. Curls up somewhere.

20. What are they genuinely afraid of?

Shadow Heartless, and losing people she cares about (yeah she’s gonna suffer). As for the Shadows, she knows there’s stronger and more dangerous Heartless around, but the Shadows scare her the most.

21. How organized are their living spaces? Do they keep things clean or are they disorganized?

“Damn girl you live like that?” Her room’s chaos, but somehow she always knows where stuff is.

22. If they ever had a YouTube channel, what would they make videos about?

Pretty scenery videos around Twilight Town. The view from the clock tower, pretty places in the woods around the city, etc.

23. Do they have a birthmark or any scars? If so how do they feel about them and how did they get their scars?

Lexi’s pretty much covered in scars. Her family wanted to get out of Twilight Town when the Heartless started becoming more and more, but didn’t make it all the way to the train station - Lexy’s parents got killed in the attack, and Lexy almost died. Her little sister is the only one who got away without physical damage.

24. Are they the type to start or finish fights?

Hm... Neither and both. Lexi can get worked up quickly, so arguments with her might get heated, but she usually wouldn’t start an actual fight, especially since she calms down pretty quickly, her emotions burn hot and bright but not long.

25. Do they like cuddling? If so are they a big spoon or a little spoon?

Yes.

26. Do they prefer baths or showers?

Baths, though she usually takes showers because it’s quicker.

27. How do they sleep? Do they stay in one position all night or do they toss and turn? Do they snore or talk in their sleep?

Lexi sometimes mumbles in her sleep, and she moves around a lot. That’s how you can tell she has a nightmare: She moves almost not al all when she has one.

28. How touch starved are they? Would they like a hug right now?

Technically not touch starved, but yes, she’d love a hug.

29. What are their favorite kinds of foods? Sweets, sour foods, salty, etc?

She likes all of them on occasion, but she’s especially fond of spicy food and all kinds of curry.

30. Do they still have anything from their childhood? If so what and why? A stuffed animal, a piece of jewelry, a book, etc?

She’s got a stuffed animal that belonged to her little sister, and a few of her own. Other than that a few trinkets that were gifts from friends, but most of them are too recent to be called “from her childhood”.

#Tag game #My OCs #Lexy (KH)

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naruthings · 5 years ago

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THE NEJITEN FANFICTION RECOMMENDATION MASTERLIST

oh, anon, the lack of nejiten fics thrive in the hearts of many… i may have similar experiences myself……………

but fear not, i have searched far and wide and i have returned and came back stronger than ever before!!! after re-reading every single nejiten fic i have on my favorites… handpicked the best ones and returned with even more fic recs!!! so ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, only THE BEST NEJITEN FICS YOU WILL READ ON FANFICTION DOT NET. HERE WE GO!!!

HALL OF FAME: ONE-SHOTS

THE BEST one-shots you will find on the site. Some are fluffy, some are sad, some will make you want to rip your heart out. But rest assured that without a doubt these fics are the absolute frivvy. These will not disappoint!

Tier 1: Spring — Here we appreciate the beauty of simplicity. Fics full of fluff and spunk that end in one and will make you end up feeling peppy and happy afterwards. A refreshing break from the complexities of life, short and sweet but nicely written, representing everything bright and new and blossoming, but most importantly, pure. So, friends, get your toothbrushes ready, because you are in for a sweet ride!

Tags: fluff, romance, humor, family, friendship

1. The Kissing Booth by BrownEyedHoneyBadger

— “ Lee was already reaching for a dollar inside his pocket. Mentally, Tenten began to scream. No. No. NO. This could not be happening. She should get up and run. Screw charity work. She was not kissing the guy whose eyebrows were furrier than the school mascot.”

Comments: A great start into the journey. NEJI IS SO GODDAMN SMOOTH. basically this fic is incredibly witty and genius. ugh!!

2. Psst! by Arkana

— “Lee finds out about Neji and Tenten’s relationship the hard way. The VERY hard way. “

Comments: I BUST MY ASS LAUGHING AT THIS ONE. I SWEAR THIS IS THE BEST, SWEETEST MOST IDIOTIC SHIT I HAVE EVER READ. PLS GIVE IT A GOOO

3. Conversations: Somniloquy by Mendori-chan

— “Neji. Your spit is warm.“

Comments: A storytelling all in dialogue. The perfect reenactment of something supposed to be short and sweet. I loved the dialogue and continue to love it!!

4. Godiva by Toboe Lonewolf

— “Neji had broken one of the most hallowed rules known to woman. ‘Thou shalt not steal her chocolate.’ Tenten’s going to make sure he never does it again. At least, not without her permission.”

Comments: just the fluffiest fluff out there!!

5. Screw Chivalry by Hearts and Stuff

— “Tenten didn’t want to do it. Really. But Neji shouldn’t have been such a butt.”

Comments: FUNNY AND HUMOROUS. I loved this so much! Has one of my favorite dialogue in any fic, really. PROBABLY REREAD THIS LIKE 100 TIMES IN 7TH GRADE

6. Hindsight by YamiPaladinofChaos

— “Sasuke and Tenten, on a date? Neji is not happy, not in the least. And of course, it’s all Naruto’s fault. No, really. It is.”

Comments: Okay, THIS SHIT WAS HILARIOUS. OH MY GOD. THANK U FOR THIS WONDERFUL AND FUNNY ASS FIC. kinda gets weird tho but i guess it’s part of the appeal.

7. I’m a Kunoichi, But by notesonlife

— “Tenten and Neji read a feminist book. And of course, trouble ensues, as Neji becomes increasingly aware that Tenten is currently, and may have always been, a girl.”

Comments: So, guys, notesonlife has always been one of my favorite authors early on my nejiten phase, and this is one of my favorites. please read their other stories as well!

8. The Problem with Hats by Aquarius Galuxy

— “Broken a/c, a tipped-over Weinermobile, and a girl who can’t seem to stop bugging him. It seems as if Neji’s day can’t get any worse than this.”

Comments: A sweet, well written fic by one of the writing senpais herself, @aquariusgaluxy ! I love both Neji and Tenten here so much!! NEJI IS SO FCKN CUTE HERE!! AND CHEEKY TENTEN!!!! AAA

9. Mission: Reverse Nejiten by Adelle-chan

— “Tired of all the failed attempts, Naruto uses Lee’s beliefs to get the two together. Or sort of.”

Comments: HOLY CRAP THIS WAS GREAT AND FUNNY AS HELL. Characterization is on point. This is my definition of a perfect naruto fic — where the other characters interact with the ship and the dynamic is great, like it’s part of the main story all along. i fucking love this one.

10. Truth Be Told by Mistress of Sarcasm

— “Hyuuga Neji falls for Tenten the day she almost broke his nose. Tenten doesn’t think of Hyuuga Neji as boyfriend material until an hour before he confesses.”

Comments: Holy crap! this was sweet as fuck! also one of the OG fics I want you all to read. Please give it a try!

11. Fifty Winks by Sandataba

— “Oversleeping is sometimes a good thing.”

Comments: Nice and Fluffy. shit u want to eat. I found the last part super cute!!!!! STILL think abt this fic from time to time.

12. Boxers by notesonlife

— “In which Tenten reorganizes Neji’s underwear drawer, and Neji decides to propose.”

Comments: OKAY, THE FLUFF IN THIS ONE WAS SIMPLY TOO MUCH. IT WAS TOO GOOD MAN. PERFECTION.

13. Rush Hour by Poisoned Scarlet

— “It was during one of those days; when the crowd was at it’s fullest, that he strolled into the shop and inadvertently humiliated her.”

Comments: Heehee. this one was cute.

14. Actions Speak Louder by Lotos-Eater

— “Short oneshot containing a dangerous amount of fluffiness. The surgeon general recommends you brush your teeth immediately after reading.”

Comments: HOLY FUCK. THIS ONE WAS SO, SO CUTE. ISTG THIS SHIT WAS. AAAAAAA. JUST PERFECT. *CHEF’S KISS* PERFECT.

15. Keeping Up Appearances by 716799

— “Them? Caught in the act? NEVER.”

Comments: okay, at first i was a little hesitant to add this fic but THOUGHT IT WAS THE PERFECT ENDING!! SO SWEET N FLUFFY!!!

MORE UNDER THE CUT!!

Tier 2: Summer — Stories serving as a reminder of our lazy, hazy days of summer — complete with all the thrumming romance, sexual tension, and drama that reflect easily so on those summery teenage memories. They’re sweet, spicy, sometimes heavy, but have all the ingredients you need for the perfect sunset fics. Read with passion! Let’s go!!

tags: romance, drama, lime, spicy

1. a memory stick filled with myspace friends by straw8erries

— “fake facebook dating: it’s really cute, she swears.”

Comments: Funny, spicy, a little heavy, but nonetheless hot, what other story to start off this tier? It’s a college AU , maybe not with the closure that you would expect from something like a summer romance, but it has these moments that shine.

2. Singing Sirens by 716799

— “Everything about this says that it’s not going to work. But Tenten has always specialised in disasters, and nothing in their world is a coincidence.”

Comments: Sooooooo hot. I love the goddamn dialogue, the characters feel so fresh and new but so true to heart at the same time. Please give it a try!

3. In Coffee City, We Borrowed Heaven by Aquarius Galuxy

— “It wasn’t as if he wanted to take this class, anyway. Reproductive Health 1101 was for people who couldn’t look up information on Google. Or someone who needed a science module to fit in his already-packed schedule. Hyuuga Neji belonged to the latter group of students, and he was in no mood to explain himself.“

Comments: As always, @aquariusgaluxy never fails. This was equally hot and equally clever, and you can’t help but with it were longer, but isn’t that the point??? sometimes ambiguity is also magical

4. Sixth Time’s the Charm by thedarkangel22

— "Gosh, Neji, where’s your sense of adventure, huh?” “I managed to lose it somewhere between the third and fourth time we were caught with your hand down my pants.” Where Tenten and Neji can’t seem to resist one another.

Comments: I remember reading this fic over and over again because I couldn’t get over how nicely written it was. Great plot, set up, dialogue, seeks excitement throughout the whole fic. Exhilarating. Pls read.

5. Revolver by Scintazzle

— “’You’d better not get in my way, incompetent novice.’ Tenten just got a new partner in crime. Unfortunately, he’d like nothing better than to work alone.”

Comments: Holy holy shitttttt, what is it with nejiten and agent cop AUs? They’re so goddamn hot. This one is no exception.

6. Recess by NessieGG

— “Tenten gets stuck on desk duty, but it’s a kind she’s not used to. 'Neji, I’m not going to have a make out session with you in a broom closet.'”

Comment: One comment: hehehehHHEHEHEHEHEHE

7. Eggnog by iflip4dolphins

— “She had slept with her worst enemy, and now she was trying to remember what had happened.”

Comments: OH MY GOD, this fic has such a good writing style. And such a great composition too. I just love everything about this fic. More love for this fic please. i super love it. I REREAD IT ALL THE TIME. IT’S LIKE MY GO-TO FOR PERFECT NEJITEN CHARACTERIZATION AND FLUFF. You will too!

8. Tension by Interim

— “Tension mounts when Tenten finds a surprise in her shower.”

Comments: YES. HDFGIHILHGIH.

9. I Swear I’m not Drunk Officer by fanfictioner22

— “The title says it all.”

Comments: THIS WAS FUNNY OK. and it had that spicy tinge to it that makes u wanna go mmmmf. MOTHERFUCKER!!

10. Airless by NessieGG

— “This was not the type of assignment that Team Gai specialized in. 'There’s something else you should know about the Grass nin…'”

Comments: OH MY GOD, this fic is all sorts of special! The drama, the tension…. the best resolution ever. written impeccably by the ever-talented nessiegg too. god i love this fic. it rlly has it all. v captivating!

11. In Men’s Clothing by voidforrent

— “It wasn’t that Neji didn’t find Tenten’s breasts attractive; he was just trying to be respectful.”

Comments: Oooowee, I remember not liking this fic the first time i read it. but as i grew older i realized HOW FUCKING HOT THIS FIC ACTUALLY IS. I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. IT WILL MAKE YOU SWEAT!!

12. Racetrack to My Heart by Aquarius Galuxy

— “Ino takes Tenten to a blind date - except it’s not quite blind, and not quite what the latter expects.”

Comments: BRUH THIS FIC WAS HOT AND BRILLIANT. THAT’S ALL I HAVE TO SAY. NEJI AND TENTEN ARE SO FUNNY HERE. YOU WILL NOT REGRET THIS!!!

Tier 3: Autumn — Stories with pain, stories with substance. Stories that have something to say, making our hearts hurt, breaking them. Stories that are subtle, with some sort of comfort in the air. Bittersweet. A lot to take in. Stories that speak to the mind and soul. Stories with words and feelings as vivid as the warm colors of autumn, as the seasons prepare for the occurrence of death, and the winter to come.

tags: drama, hurt/comfort, romance, angst

1. Little Feet Working the Machine by pusa-is-me

— “There is a reason why Team Gai is not sent on seduction missions.”

Comments: This is, I think, the perfect fic to describe this tier. Painful and subtle. Plays with your feelings. Raw & powerful. Again, one of the first few things I ever read about nejiten. still think abt it from time to time.

2. Christmas, 1944 by Giada Luna

— “Not all of the War Efforts were 'Over There.’ Tenten comes home froma long shift at the factory to an empty home, Bing crooning on the radio, and dreams of a Christmas with him back home.”

Comments: sad sad sad. then happy happy happy. cries and smiles. LOVED IT.

3. 13 Unmentionables by pusa-is-me

— “This is not a love story. At least not yet.”

Comments: OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKING GOD. THIS FIC…. IT BROKE MY HEART, IT TORE ME TO PIECES. SOMETHING ABT IT JUST MAKES ME FUCKING ACHE. MAKES MY HEART THROB. GODDAMN. SO MUCH PAIN. IT’S SO FUCKING RAW.

4. Mindless Perversions of Love and Life by voidforrent

— “There were times when she couldn’t help but wonder why.”

Comments: (we’ve won, but at what cost?) :(

5. Birds by Snowshinobi

— “Birds fill his lungs, his throat, but still, not one reaches his mouth.”

Comments: Okay, okay. Tbh i rlly don’t know how to categorize this fic. did it break my heart? did it make me squeal? but something in my heart told me to categorize it as autumn. pls have fun because this is beautiful.

6. Certain the Journey by NessieGG

— “He made her understand that, to him, her love was absolutely worthless.”

Comments: Omg :(((( okay but this was beautiful as well.

7. fragmented dreams by Seynee

— “She has loved everything about him that hurts.”

Comments: so fucking beautiful. almost perfect. loved it.

8. Stitch my heart back together again by SaturnXK

— “There is nothing I don’t love about you, Tenten,” Neji says softly. And Tenten wants to cry because it isn’t true. There are too many things wrong with her, and Neji is a liar.

Comments: OH MY GOD, this one attacked me right in the heart. it just… please just read it. it’s so pretty.

9. Mine for the Night by syaoran no hime

— “For this whole night, she will close her eyes and pretend that he is hers, his glacial heart and all. For tomorrow, she can never have the same liberty again.”

Comments: AHAHAHAH i remember reading because of this one. this author is just so og and so good :’)

10. Since Spring by NessieGG

— “Neji is driven to the brink of his sanity when his teammate disappears and is given an option. 'I can use a technique that will allow you to forget every memory you have of Tenten.'”

Comments: raw. powerful. ugh. a lot of feelings in this one, wrapped under beautifully written strings.

11. Those Old Feelings Again by Poisoned Scarlet

— “It wasn’t that they weren’t aware of their attraction for one another… it was just that one was good at burying it, and the other was too stubborn to admit it.”

Comments: :( and then :)

12. Bergeron Falls by Goldberry

— “It’s been five days since they’ve seen the sun and everything is water.”

Comments: oh, thank god i recommended a goldberry fic or else i’d never be able to forgive myself. yes this is very beautiful as always :)

13. Lotus by memory’s marionette

— “Even if I now saw you only once, I would long for you through worlds, worlds.“ Because one life is not enough for love, and the past forever bleeds into the future.

Comments: SUCHHHH a beautiful fic. oh my god. i almost want to highlight this and show it to the world because that’s just how good it is. reincarnation done and written perfectly. i love love love this fic~~~

14. Right Before His Eyes by NessieGG

— “There has been a change in Tenten that Neji does not understand. 'You’re leaving the team.'”

Comments: classic nessiegg :)

15. Falling Flight by Toboe Lonewolf

— “When Tenten falls, she falls hard. And right now, she’s falling hard…for him.”

Comments: OKAY, well honestly, I WAS SO EXCITED TO FINALLY RECOMMEND THIS. i know this isn’t drana/angst but it just felt right for me to recommend this under autumn. plsplspls enjoy!!

Tier 4: Winter — The end of the year, the end of an era. Bonds strengthened and broken. Friendships were made. Read as the branches of winter fill up with snow, trees of knowledge that have been through the seasons, preparing to die with everything they have with them. Stories about growing up. Stories about family. The beginning and the end. This is their outcome.

tags: family, hurt/comfort, angst, romance, friendship, fluff. basically all the tags. if you’d notice they’re all growing up fics with exceptions to some but i think you’ll understand :) this tier is more assorted but the feels speak the same

1. She Was There by Ally1313

— “She was there. She was always there.”

Comments: I don’t know why, but something about this fic always makes me want to cry. It has a very special place in my heart. I first read this when I was 12, and I loved it so goddamn much. THIS FIC, IT CHANGED MY LIFE. IT INSPIRED ME TO LOVE NEJITEN MORE THAN EVER. SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ENJOY IT!! OH GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH. WHAT A GREAT WAY TO START OFF WINTER.

2. Chichue by keroRiBBIT

— "I’m nervous,” Neji said. Hizashi smiled at him, “There’s nothing to be nervous about.” “You said that before too.” “Have I ever been wrong?” Neji growing up in Hizashi’s care.

Comments: OH HIZASHI. THIS FIC IS THE CUTEST GODDAMN THING I HAVE EVER READ. LOVE ITTTTT

3. coda in d minor by metaphorically-blue

— “She doesn’t look like her father. /And children can’t recognize grief./”

Comments: this fic has been recommended to be by someone on tumblr before. needless to say, it broke my heart. a short angst break :’)

4. Fate by Silverlight

— “The first date, the first kiss, the first time he asked her to marry him.”

Comments: cute cute cute cute!!

5. 20truths: Neji and Tenten by Cyberwolf

— “The longest conversation the two have in school is when Tenten explains the advantage of titanium shurikens over plain steel ones to Neji, then wishes him luck in the target range.”

Comments: Of course, this winter growing-up-fic collection wouldn’t be complete without a 20truths!!

6. Only You by Byakuxhisa4eva

— “There are very few things he would ever deny her.“ Even at his cruelest, he had always been kind to her.”

Comments: okay, now this one is a classic :)

7. Shadows of the sun by withered

— “Death changes nothing, even when Neji is gone; Tenten is still trying to reach him.”

Comments: another short but necessary angst break :’)

8. A Series of Indecent Proposals by Pleasantries and the Aftermath

— “The first time he kissed her, she slapped him so hard, she left a welt.”

Comments: very very cute. they are just so. goddamn cute. very well written and nice characterization.

9. Drifting by Ariel32

— “They were drifting down a river, and the only thing that mattered was that they were driting together. You can’t help being in love.”

Comments: AAAAAAAAAAAAA this was so pretty!!!

10. Twenty Truths About Team Guy by RennaV

— “Twenty Truths about Team Guy the rest of Konoha doesn’t know. Mostly comedy and focusing on the relationships of the members of Team Guy. It does end kind of sadly. Sorry.”

Comments: OK THIS IS A BIG ONE. A BIGBIGBIG ONE. I REMEMBER reading this and wailing like a little baby. i really cried a lot. this one built up my heart and shattered it to pieces. beautiful.

11. Soul-Marks by fanfictioner22

— “The soulmate!AU Nejiten style.”

Comments: this one was so clever and thoughtful. so goddamn funny and full of substance. LOVED IT.

12. Irresistible by MyFallenAngel

— “The fact that Hyuuga Neji was irresistibly irresistible was undeniable.”

Comments: This was one of the fics I read earlier on, and it was SO CUTE. Everything was just so pure, so undeniably Nejiten. Please, give it a read!

13. Papercranes by Bloody Angels

— “The paper cranes have always been a part of her life and perhaps, they always will be.”

Comments: CAN YOU HEAR IT???!? MY HEART ROSE AND FELL. SO PRETTY. SO BEAUTIFUL!! broke it too. cried like a little bitch.

14. Blind by Midnight Insomniac

— “She is sixteen and in love.”

Comments: HNNNGGG THIS ONE RLLY STRUCK A CHORD IN MY HEART. THIS ONE ALWAYS STANDS OUT TO ME FOR SOME REASON. LOVE IT!!

15. Chance Encounters by Scintazzle

— “That humiliating moment where Tenten grabs the shoulder of a person who she thinks she knows, turns him around, and doesn’t recognize him. At all. And things just go downhill from there.”

Comments: CUTECUTECUTECUTE AAAAA

16. Severing Ties by fanfictioner22

— “Some ties are better severed and Tenten learns it the hard way.”

Comments: angst breakkkkk but it was v beautiful :’)

17. Truth Be Told by MistressofSarcasm

— “Hyuuga Neji falls for Tenten the day she almost broke his nose. Tenten doesn’t think of Hyuuga Neji as boyfriend material until an hour before he confesses.”

Comments: I REMEMBER THIS ONE. IT WAS SO CUTE. I LOVED NEJI AND TENTEN IN THIS. ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVS :)

18. The Seasons by sotto.voce88

— “Love was never seasonal.”

Comments: v beautiful :)

19. Patchwork by NessieGG

— “When she thought he was sleeping, he saw her get scissors and snip off a section of the yellow sheet beneath their intertwined bodies.”

Comments: I remember always avoiding this fic no matter how much times it popped up on my feed. I remember it was because I was very scared of how heavy this fic would be. I was right. It’s too beautiful for words. I CRIED AGAIN. JESUS I RLLY CRIED WITH THIS ONE. Just really the perfect way to end this tier, please read Patchwork!! (classic nessiegg, always beautiful :(()

Okay, now that concludes my oneshots recommendations!! I get to breathe a little now :)) please read all of them. they really are the best of the best. Now moving on…

THE KONOHA INTERLUDE: OUTSIDE LOOKING IN

nejiten oneshots/ficlets written in the perspective of the konoha 13!! pls enjoy these for they are genius :)

1. The Lost Things by pusa-is-me

— “Where Shikamaru realizes that the Hyuuga Neji does know how to get jealous, and that for all her intelligence, Tenten was pretty oblivious.”

Comments: A little ShikaTen is always cute for me. I love shikamaru and love it when he appears in nejiten fanfictions because he of all people know how oblivious those two are to one another :))

2. No Competition Here by carved in the sand

— “You think your man has anything on mine?”

Comments: Pure crack-ish fluff and humor

3. Replacements by 716799

— “Nothing is ever as good as the real thing. (One day, she will ask him to henge.)”

Comments: o noessss…. but also AN ABSOLUTE MUST-READ. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEJITEN FICS OF ALL TIME. i LOVE THIS SO GODDAMN MUCH AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL AS FUCK NOT TO MENTION GENIUS!!

4. Exchange by Wielder of Paperclips

— “In a short exchange of words, Shikamaru enlightens Tenten. “

Comments: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. GOD I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY DAY. THE DIALOGUE IS SO CUTE AND SHIKA IS THE BEST!!

5. Princess by insert cliche

— “One of the biggest reasons why Uchiha Sasuke hates Hyuuga Neji is also the most unknown.”

Comments: vv cute!! a stoke of genius

6. Bad Dog, No Biscuit by Lotos-Eater

— “Or, Inuzuka Kiba’s Even Longer Day. Kiba is not quite the player he thinks he is. Will there be anyone to appreciate his animal magnetism and rugged charm?”

Comments: KIBA IS A GENIUS. I REALLY REALLY LIKE HIM AND I THINK THAT HE WAS WRITTEN REALLY WELL IN THIS FIC. PLS READ THIS ONE IT’S HILARIOUS.

7. Inner Light by NessieGG

— “She had heard the rumors. But she had never gone so far as to assume that they might be true.”

Comments: OMG. THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL. I really just like anything to do with Sakura. She’s so ugh here you really really feel her. Beautifulll

8. Sempiternal by saccharinely

— “In which she sends the letters left unsent. She needs closure. He gives it to her.”

Comments: A really beautiful SasuTen fic. Somehow it should be triggering but it all makes sense to me :)

HALL OF FAME: FICLETS

a.k.a.: stories that are too long to be oneshots but are too short to be actual fanfics. usually around 2-3 chapters but wouldn’t have been done any better :))

1. On Sex by Lotos-Eater

— “With titles like this, who needs summaries?”

Comments: Really, it seems shallow, but it’s truly one of the best-written, most beautiful and introspective things I have ever read. it really grew on me and I love it so goddamn much!! IM SERIOUS I RLLY LOVE THIS ONE ITS ONE OF MY GO-TOs

2. Goldilocks by a Different Name by Aquarius Galixy

— “Tenten discovers that someone has been living in her apartment when she goes away on long missions.”

Comments: vv cute fic with very witty dialogue :) neji is cute

3. Call Your Manager by Clementive

— “Tenten’s feelings for her English project partner are as complicated as his coffee order.”

Comments: another really cute fic. Tenten is a legend!!

4. Heatwave by Yahboohbeh

— “When she found her breath again it was ragged. Only one thought tore through her mind: Consume me. The Suna sun wasn’t the only reason their faces burned.”

Comments: very very hot n spicy like the title and caption suggesttttS

5. Perchance by KNO

— "Wow, what are the odds we’re both at the same party AGAIN?”

Comments: ONE OF MY FAVORITE NEJITEN FICS OF ALL TIME. i love this one so much. so witty and smart, especially all the expressions and dialogue. Super cute too!!

6. Four Conversations on the Subject of Flight by wildcatt

— “Flying is not as perfect as you imagine it to be, you know. Flying is just falling up.”

Comments: So fucking affecting all the time, I sweat. For some reason I always remember this fic when i think of nejiten :0 PLSPLS READ THIS ONE!!

7. Confessions by Cyberwolf

— “Tenten is trying to tell Neji something. He’s not quite getting it.”

Comments: THIS ONE WAS VERY VERY FUNNY AND CUTE. I LOVE ANYTHING WITH THE KONOHA 13. BRILLIANT!!

8. The Only Alliance by notesonlife

— “A black leather bound sketchbook binds her to him, and breaks her against him.”

Comments: THIS ONE WAS BEAUTIFUL. TRULY A HALL OF FAMER. SO MUCH SUBSTANCE AND ALWAYS STICKS WITH YOU. WRITTEN VERY PRETTILY. PLS READ!!!!!!!!

HALL OF FAME: ONE-SHOT COLLECTIONS

a recommendation panel of the best one-shot collections you will ever find on the site!! as if a single one-shot was enough… :”)

1. Vicissitude by KNO

— “A collection of drabbles and one shots. Neji and TenTen pairing. Contains regular appearances of other characters.”

Comments: THIS. THIS IS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE. EVERY frickn oneshot in here is a gem and i treasure all of them in my heart. genius, too. In here stems a lot of my favorite nejiten oneshots ever. PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!!

2. The Path to Ashes by notesonlife

— “Neji says it’s their fate. Tenten shows him nothing is secure like that. NejiTen. 017: Naruto’s smirk reached ear to ear. “Next, whoever both gets twelve will kiss.”

3. One shots: Neji and Tenten by I-Heart-Hatake-Kakashi

— “100 Nejiten oneshots. Chapter 100 - Happy Birthday Neji!”

Comments: okay, when in your entire life do you get to say: “I WROTE 100 ONESHOTS FOR NEJITEN” ever???!?!? well, this author can! they actually wrote 100 nejiten oneshots and all of them were so unique and affecting and had this certain continuity to it that left me in tears when I finished.

4. Shades of Konoha: Dragon and Phoenix by Giada Luna

— “Series of oneshots featuring Neji and Tenten. Chapter 32: NejiTen Month 2019: Body/Cursed * They tell him he is born to bound - and he believes them.”

Comments: I have only recently discovered this collection and have been loving it so far. Props to Giada Luna for all the times I smiled bc of these!!

6. Right, Wrong and What Falls Between by Aquarius Galuxy

— “What is, what was, what may have been. (Part 34: Three feet away, Neji continues to read his papers, as if ignorant of what she’s doing.)”

Comments: ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITES. God I really love these. There are some real gems in this collection. Genius fics. PLEASE READ THIS ALONG WITH POSTCARDS. THEY ARE BOTH QUITE GENIUS.

7. Untouched by MakeYouSmile

— “Why are you doing this to me?“ Tenten asked quietly. Neji did not give her the pleasure of responding. "After all that’s happened, you’re still standing in the same place.” –A collection of Neji/Tenten shorts.

Comments: A lot of beautifully written Romance/Angst on this one. Really heavy n affecting!!

8. Perks and Pains by keroRiBBIT

— “There are pros and cons in every situation. Most of the time, one just outweighs the other. Ch. 3: A lover with such long hair. Perks: It comes in handy when you desperately want to hold on to something. Pains: It tends to get messy in the morning.”

Comments: SHORT BUT GENIUS. THIS SHIT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS, TAKE MY WORD ON THIS. THE FIRST CHAPTER ALREADY HAD ME HOOKED. SERIOUSLY IT’S HILARIOUS AND GENIUS AND AURGHHH PLS JUST GO READ IT!!!

9. Careless Whispering by misspandalily

— “17: Neji, Tenten and Lee are fairies who run a catering business together. Mostly AU oneshots.”

Comments: VERY CUTE FIC COLLECTION by one of my closest nt authors!! pls give it a try!!

10. Lotus Blossoms and Other Musings by Yahboohbeh

— “Collection of one-shots. Part 28: Her eyes were nothing like his.”

Comments: Very sweet collection :))

HALL OF FAME: MULTICHAPTERED

okay, okay, i gotta admit, i’m not particularly the strongest in this department. yes, I am quite knowledgeable on nejiten one-shots, but unfortunately i have not read a lot of the longer ones. but the ones here… they’re really good. so with those words, i hope and trust that you will enjoy these :)

1. Manager and Other Side Jobs by Scintazzle

— “Accepting the shady job offer wasn’t really one of her best choices…but discovering she threw up on her future boss was even worse. Tenten’s new relationship brings a whole new meaning to complete and utter servitude.”

Comments: THIS FIC. I have so much feelings with this fic. Scintazzle’s writing is one of the few that I can actually follow through. Very interesting plot and a lot of sexual tension. !!!

2. Eyes Like Pale Thistle by Aquarius Galuxy

— “She crawled beneath his skin and questioned the way he saw life. Perhaps all he’d wanted, really, was a little bit of control.”

Comments: I REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS ONE. Was super hot but had a lot of substance and a lot to say. Had moments of brilliance that I really appreciate!

3. Neji Gaiden by Levi Ackerman

— “Inspired by recent omake - if Neji wants a gaiden, Neji will get a gaiden! This story chronicles Neji’s life with his team starting from their graduation from the Academy. Follows canon with extra details.”

Comments: NEJI GAIDEN! HOLY HOLY SHIT PLEASE READ THIS ONE. DEFINITELY A MUST-READ. Since it follows canon it really gives it more points because IT GETS NEJI AND TENTEN’S CHARACTERIZATION REALLY ON POINT. AND EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE WHICH IS SUPER CUTE. PLEASE OH GOD READ THIS ONE. IT’S QUITE GENIUS AND IS VERY WELL WRITTEN. the author really knows the characters she’s writing about and UGHHH JUST PLEASE. It’s a shame it isn’t finished tho, but otherwise IT’S WORTH IT!!

4. like paper dolls and little notes by Seynee

— ”It’s not that Tenten hates flying. In fact, she kind of likes it. Especially when she gets free cocktails. Especially when she’s sitting next to a handsome stranger. Especially when she gets to talk to him. This is going to be good.”

Comments: nawwww this one was a classic. really hesitant to finish this before but the ending is totally worth it. made me cryy :”)

5. The Fat and Pretty of Art School by Paper Lanterns and Yoghurt

— “We’ll laugh and we’ll sing (poorly) but whatever happens we’re in it together babe.”

Comments: OMG. I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH. BASICALLY THE ULTIMATE HEADCANON TO THE NEJITEN HIJINKS. It’s super super cute and the characters are really on-point. had some really funny and endearing moments too. love Tenten’s friendship with shika and sasuke here. SUPER COOL YOU FEEL LIKE A COOL KID WHILE READING THIS.

6. Rapunzel by wildcatt

— “And she leads the blind prince home.”

Comments: It is quite short, but it is REALLY REALLY BEAUTIFUL. I WAS SOBBING, COMPLETELY IN TEARS during mass as I read this fic. Everything is written with so much heart and pain. pls give this one a try.

6. Complexities of Blackmail by Aquarius Galuxy

— “[Everything in the world is about sex, except sex. Sex is about power.] Lieutenant Tenten finds herself caught in a web of blackmail when Lt Hyuuga Neji stumbles upon her doing what she shouldn’t have been. Mere rivalry between old teammates turns into something deeper, much to Tenten’s horror and bewilderment.”

Comments: Ohhhh, blackmail, blackmail, blackmail. Of course. This is the god of all nejiten fics. It’s so fucking beautiful. Every time I go back to this in every chapter is just something so beautiful and bewildering it warms my heart. DEFINITELY A MUST-READ. Blackmail just sticks. Left me as a sobbing mess at the end. Very raw and very powerful.

7. Crossing the Middle Line by Scintazzle

— “You know you’re screwed when your ex-girlfriend becomes your new secretary…and you’re falling in love with her all over again.”

Comments: OH MY GOd this FIC THIS FUCKING FIC. very hot. sweet n spicy. short and cute. quite hilarious at times. loved it!!

8. Right Kind of Wrong by Nokito-chan

— “She yanked him out of his comfort zone. He made her want things she tried to guard against. Somewhere in the middle … hell broke loose.”

Comments: OMG. THIS FIC WAS EVERYTHING. super hot as well and was a really fun time. tenten’s bond with konohamaru was really sweet :)

9. The Twelve Days of Christmas by Giada Luna

— A quirk of fate turns Tenten into a modern day Snow White and tosses her into the lives of the Huyga-Uzumaki family right at Christmas. However, she has her own problems, and not time for 'Prince Not-So-Charming’ or anything else to get in her way.”

Comments: a very cute and light read that is perfect for the seasons! giada is such a talented writer; her words flow and make sense. everything is as it should be :)

10. Scars and Stitches by pusa-is-me

— “A love triangle of Gai-stronomic proportions.”

Comments: THIS. THIS. I hate this fic. I love it to death. So much conflicting emotions here, but left me at tears as always. Really just one of the best nejiten fics i’ve ever read out there, and the perfect last recommendation. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. WHAT A WAY TO END THIS CHAPTER

CLOSING REMARKS

So that concludes my masterlist! What do you think? It was a long-term project I started in march? and have finally finished in time for the holidays!

I’m 100% sure that there are some brilliant fics I missed along the way, and I apologise if I haven’t added them. Please give me more recommendations so I may add them. And Please treasure all these fics as I have.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas! I hope these keep you covered for the rest of your breaks :)

Pls also check out the authors here on tumblr for they are still active :)

AUTHOR TAG:

@iridescentirises @aquariusgaluxy @misspandalily @giada-luna @fanfictioner22 @zealousheart

#nejiten #nejixtenten #tentenxneji #neji #hyuga #tenten #neji tenten #I SPENT SO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT THESE

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rachelbethhines · 4 years ago

Text

Digimon Adventure Shipping Masterpost - Part 1

Digimon is the first fandom I ever got into where I started actively shipping characters, and Digimon is a treasure trove for multi-shippers since it features a large group of friends being forced together for long periods of time and being emotionally vulnerable while fighting for their lives and relying on one another.

Now for this reason, I maintain that there’s a good basis for nearly every possible ship out there and I’ll be talking about most of them within the Adventure continuity. Just giving the lowdown about them, fairly listing their pros and cons, and explaining why someone might like them while others might not. Afterwards giving my personal thoughts on each.

Now a few ground rules before we start. First off I’m only covering the adventure seasons and movies, minus the reboot and the newest anniversary film as I haven’t seen those yet. Secondly I’ll only be covering the main human characters of those films/seasons. Last off, I won't be covering crack and OT3s, just because this list is too damn long as it is. Characters must have interacted on screen before, be no more than five years apart, and this probably can go without saying, but they can’t be related to each other.

Oh, and any antis starting shit will be blocked!

So without further ado, LET THE SHIPPING BEGIN

Tai x Matt (Taito)

Pros: If you like rivals to lovers, boy do I have a ship for you. Taito is like the typifier of this trope. They constantly fight, but are best friends, and when they do argue it’s usually over deeper things than just their rivalry/jealousy. Once the fighting is over, they tend to become stronger people with a firmmer relationship. They also hold a lot of respect for each other that only grows as they get older. While not a ‘canon’ ship, (most of these aren’t) there’s a lot of gay subtext between them, especially towards the end of Tri. Now how much of that is the writers throwing the fans a bone and how much of it is just anime being anime, who knows.

Cons: If you’re not a fan of the rivals to lovers trope than this ship may not be for you. You may prefer them as friends only, and hey that’s valid since they indeed are friends first and foremost. Also if you’re looking for a more officially canon gay ship/rep you may be disappointed with how they are portrayed.

Personal Ranking (6/10) I’m one of those people who doesn’t typically like ‘rivals to lovers’. Just not my thing. However I’ve warmed to this ship over the years due to fanworks and the fact that Tri is indeed very, very gay.

Tai x Sora (Taiora)

Pros: I don't know if this is the most popular pairing in the show, but it’s high up there. All throughout the first season and the second movie these two were heavily hinted at. Especially in the dubs. Sadly it came to nothing, but for a lot of people this was the first thing they shipped in the fandom. But beyond just the hints, these two have that ‘childhood best friends to lovers’ dynamic that resonates with a lot of people. They’ve known each other the longest out of the group and were friends before getting stuck in the digital world. Now add in how they they compliment each other so well, Sora’s level headedness getting through to Tai stubbornness, Tai’s optimism and can do attitude encouraging the more doubt ridden Sora, and their shared interests in sports and kicking butt, and you can see how this pairing took off.

Cons: The writers tried their damndest to sink this ship in season two by pairing off Sora with Matt. Much to everyone’s frustration. Even Sorato fans agree that it was handled poorly. Since then, the writers of the fourth film and Tri have tried to keep things more open ended between the three of them, but for some it’s not enough and the bad writing can indeed kill this ship. There’s also the usual reasons of simply not gelling with their dynamic or preferring them with other characters. Some may even like the unusual subversion of the lead guy not getting the girl but remaining good friends.

Paronal Ranking (8/10) - Count me with those that first shipped them in season one when it first aired. That said, they were never my absolute favorites so season two’s reveal didn't hurt me as much as it did for some others. It’s still my preferred ship for the two of them, but I’m flexible and open to others.

Tai x Izzy (Taishirou)

Pros: While not as popular as the previous ships, Taishirou is really cute. Izzy and Tai interact with each other a lot. In fact Tai might be the character Izzy is on screen with the most besides his digimon. They’re very much a comedy duo, but with enough underlining heart to heart moments to sell the idea that they have a working basis for something deeper. Also Izzy isn’t afraid to call Tai out on his bullshit, which is good, but it’s not like Tai ever actually listens.

Cons: They are primarily a comedy team. Tai is very much a foil for Izzy’s more serious nature, but play for laughs rather than angst like it is with Taito. If that doesn’t jive with you then this ship isn’t going to appeal to you as much as some others.

Personal Ranking (7/10) - I more drawn to this dynamic then say the aggressive sexual tension of Taito, so this was always going to rank higher than that one for me.

Tai x Mimi (Michi)

Pros: Mimi is one of the more popular characters to ship with. She gets paired with nearly everyone in the group routinely. Now this isn’t the most popular ship featuring her, but it has its share of hardcore supporters. I think it’s cause both she and Tai are the most outgoing and optimistic of the group. So it’s a case of two very upbeat people pumping each other up while also being forward enough to call out each others bull.

Cons: If you prefer Mimi with someone else this is obviously not going to appeal to you. There’s also the issue of her not being with the main group in season two and therefore doesn’t have as strong a relationship with the others as she should.

Personal Ranking (7/10) - I really like just about all of the Mimi ships and this is no exception.

Tai x Joe (Taijyou)

Pros: If Mimi is over-shipped then Joe is under-shipped. All the Joe ships are underrated, imho. Heck Joe himself is underrated. He plays off most of the characters really well, including Tai. If you like ‘opposites attract’ then you can’t get more opposite than Joe and Tai and they’re really entertaining for it. Plus there also those more serious moments to suggest that they are good friends and have that basis to build off of.

Cons: They’re again a comedy duo, and that might not be your thing. More than that though, they have the same arc. They’re opposites but they grow and develop in much the same way. As such, they don’t team up as much as say Tai and Izzy do.

Personal Ranking (6/10) - I really like Joe, he’s one of my favs, but this isn’t the best ship with him. Though it still can be cute on occasion.

Tai x T.K. (Taikeru)

Pros: This pairing only works if we’re talking about season two or later, and that is where they have less interaction. But I won’t act like there’s zero basis here. They were stuck together in S1 same as all the others and did have lots of friendly interactions there, they do team up now and then in 02, and they are there with the rest of the group in Tri. As far as dynamics go, both older Tai and older T.K. are very chill and laid back people. They’re more level headed, but always up for fun when they aren’t busy saving the world, so it’s easy see them getting along well with one another. There’s also the unrequited crush route if you wanna go that way with T.K.

Cons: There is an age gap here. Now it doesn’t matter as much in later seasons or post series, but it can be enough to put people off initially. Especially since it’s the time period when that age gap would actually get in the way is also when they have most of their interactions with one another. I call this a good for fanfiction but not so good for AMVs pairing.

Personal Ranking (4/10) - Yeah not enough of them interacting when they’re both older to really sell this one for me. I’ve read the occasional fanfic with them, but I don't actively ship it myself.

Tai x Davis (Taisuke)

Pros: Davis and Tai are two peas in a pod. In fact they are so alike that the series comments on this several times and Tai even appoints him as the new leader. As such they get to bond over a lot of things on the occasions they do interact. Also, while Davis is the same age as T.K., he and Tai only ever interact in season 02 when they’re both already young teens. So things are a little less awkward on that front. There’s also the unrequited crush route, or post series fanfic, as always.

Cons: They only ever interact in 02 where Tai’s role is greatly reduced, so limited screen time. Hopefully the upcoming anniversary movie will give us some more interaction between all of the 02 gang and the original group, regardless of shipping. There’s also the fact that age gap will be a hurdle for some people no matter what point in their timeline you have them hook up. Three or four years don’t matter when their both adults in their twenties, but it can make a difference in high school, so context is key with a ship like this. It helps that the show covers several years and all the characters age, but it’s up to you if that’s enough or not. Then there’s people who just don’t like their dynamic and think they’re too similar to each other.

Personal Ranking (5/10) I like it more than Taikeru, if only because Davis is my favorite character in 02 and like the rest of the new digidestined, he really doesn’t get enough love from the fandom. That said it’s still not that great of ship for all of the previously stated cons. I’ll give the occasion fan fiction or AMV a shot, but it’s all about context and how it’s presented.

Tai x Yolie (Taiyako)

Pros: She is the oldest of the 02 gang, and like Davis she only ever interacts with Tai in S2, so it’s a little less awkward to ship them than some. Also she’s really assertive and outgoing and not one to put up with bull from anybody; so she she can balance out Tai’s impulsiveness in theory. Likewise he can calm her down enough to think, if we’re talking post Tri.

Cons: They barely interact even in 02. They’re together in group scenes and there’s the potential they’ve interacted off screen, but there’s no ‘one on one’ screen time for them. Because of that, plus the small age gap between them, no one really ships these two. They’re the ultimate rare pair, and once again I hope the new movie will provide some genuine interaction between the 02 gang and the original group. Cause at the moment, dynamic wise, they’re kind of just a watered down Michi.

Personal Ranking (4/10) - Yeah I’d just sooner just read about Michi, but the rarity of them does pique my interest just a little bit. I’m now genuinely curious how they would play out post Tri.

Tai x Cody (Taiori)

Pros: Does anyone ship this? Ok, well in the interest of fairness, I did say the cut off was five years and that they had to interact at some point and they do fit the bill, so... Here I go. If you wanted to, you could do a post series route with these two. One is a lawyer for digimon rights and the other is an UN ambassador for the Digital World, so they would work together often. So there’s some grounds there for a childhood friends become co-workers to lovers plot. You can also pull a one sided school boy crush if you go for a pre-Tri route instead.

Cons: Like with Yolie, Tai only interacts with Cody in group settings during 02 and never one on one. There’s the potential that they hung out more off screen, but unlike Yolie, the age gap between them is wide enough that that seems improbable. Maybe, The Last Evolution will give us something more to go off with, just for their friendship sake if nothing else. After all these two will be working closely together someday according to the epilogue.

Personal Ranking (2/10) There’s just not enough there. I might be interested in that future based story I pitched, but even then it’s a stretch.

Tai x Ken (Kenchi)

Pros: Ken is unique in the fact that he’s a former villain, and in Tri it seemed as if he had reverted back to his old ways. This ultimately proved not to be the case, but since Tai is the main hero of Tri, you had the basis for a hero/villain ship for a while.

Cons: Like with all of the 02 cast, Tai doesn’t interact with Ken much. They appear in group scenes during 02 and that’s it. Even in Tri, it turns out that wasn’t the real Ken all along. Though his VA there is going to be his VA in final movie, which is cool I guess. There’s better ships with theses two, and if you want a villian/hero thing there’s more options for Ken. Plus there’s the awkward age gap, tho it’s no worse then than say Taisuke. Also Ken does have a canon partner in Yolie, if canon matters to you.

Personal Ranking (3/10) Not enough one on one scenes to get a feel for their dynamic imo.

Tai x Jun (Taijun)

Pros: What do you mean Jun isn’t a main character? Yeah, I don’t care. She should have been given a bigger role in 02, but that’s a rant for another time. The appeal of Taijun is a pairing of the spares essentially. He’s Sora’s ex, and she’s Matt’s ex. (well sort of) But that leaves you with a tantalizing ‘let's pretend hook up to make our exes jealous only to fall in love for real’ plot. There’s other routes you can go with obviously, but that one in particular makes the pairing more unique than other ships.

Cons: Obviously if you don't like Jun as a character, then your not going to like this ship. She’s pretty decisive within fandom.

Personal Ranking (7/10) - Yeah, I really, really like Jun y’all. Plus anything thing that sees her treated better than how Matt did in 02 is a win in my book.

Tai x Catherine ( Taicat )

Pros: It’s cannon that Tai has a crush on her and her openly flirts with her. He also has an amusing rivalry with TK for her affections. It’s harmless cute fluff and interferes with the love triangle

Cons: Catherine is a pretty bland character. She’s pretty and French and that’s all there is to remember of her.

Personal Ranking (3/10) I suppose there’s a certain appeal to having a semi-cannon ship that is so barely explored that you could do anything you wanted with it and it wouldn’t be out of character, but beyond that I can’t see anything else to recommend it.

Tai x Meiko (Meichi)

Pros: They have some cute moments together in Tri, though they are subtle. It does feel at times like the writers introduced her character as a means of resolving the Tai/Sora/Matt love triangle. Though they never follow through with that completely. In terms of the dynamics Meiko is a complete woobie. A ‘moe’ is what I believe to be the term in Japanese. Shy, quite, cute, and in need of protection. So you get plenty of instances of Tai being the big hero and saving her. Tai himself is also much more subdued in Tri and therefore less impulsive and reckless, so he’s very considerate of Meiko’s emotional needs, much than he would have been had they met earlier. In a way she just shows off how much he has grown as a character. So basically lots of hurt/comfort angst going on.

Cons: If you’re not a fan of Meiko, then you wouldn’t be a fan of this ship. She’s not as well developed as the rest of the cast due to only appearing in Tri, and she relies more heavily on her archetype to carry her interactions with the mains. So how much you’re predisposed to that archetype factors heavily in shipping her with anyone.

Personal Ranking (5/10) I’m lukewarm to Meiko as a character. Her interactions with Tai can be cute, but she just doesn’t grab my interests the same as Jun does.

Matt x Sora (Sorato)

I just realized that this very official screenshot from the fifth movie, has a poster advertising a band with the words ‘fucking night’ on it. This is suppose to be a kids show. Lol. Never change Japan.

Pros: The ship is about as close to canon as you can get. They’re confirmed dating in season two and it’s movie, and there are hints that they wound up together in the epilogue. Also there is a basis for the relationship given their interactions in the first season and Tri. They communicate well and trust each other. Sora comes to rely on Matt in ways she just doesn’t with Tai. He’s an outlet for her to let her guard down and share things, while she helps him come out of his shell sometimes.

Cons: The writing for them in 02 wasn’t good. They got together with zero build up and it came across as very forced. Since then, both in the fifth movie and in Tri, the writers have been pushing a subtle love triangle between them and Tai. Leaving things more open ended to appease the fans who were angry over how Taiora ended. Also, dynamic wise, they can be kind of boring on their own. Without Tai there, there’s no drama between them, and that can be a pro or a con depending on your tastes.

Personal Ranking (6/10) It’s not a bad ship, but the writing in 02 lets it down and, I still prefer Taiora over all.

Matt x Izzy (Yamashirou)

Pros: It’s the ‘cool dude’ who tries way to hard to be edgy being paired with the nerd who sees through his bullshit, but they’re both level headed enough to work together if need be, and they do indeed work together as a team quite well.

Cons: Izzy and Matt don't interact one on one often. Usually when they do, Izzy is sandwiched between Matt and Tai as they work on some problem or other. People who do even ship it, often just go all the way and make it an OT3 with Matt/Izzy/Tai.

Personal Ranking (5/10) There’s a basis for something there if you want to explore it, but both characters have better options.

Matt x Mimi (Mimato)

Pros: Well for one, it’s Mimi. She’s one of the few people who can get under Matt’s aloof exterior. It’s also a case of hyperactive girl paired with quite and closed off guy, if you like that dynamic.

Cons: It has all the same cons as Michi. Mimi is absent in 02, she and Matt usually interact within a group setting, and there’s more popular pairings out there for both of them. So if you ship either one with someone else, you may not be inclined to ship this.

Personal Ranking (7/10) I like Mimi, so I’ll always like this pairing to some degree, but it’s about the same level as Michi for me.

Matt x Joe (Jyouato)

Pros: If Izzy is Tai’s foil, than Joe is Matt’s foil. They get a lot of one on one scenes and come to depend on one another more so than then they do with most of the group. Plus it’s the geeky nerd paired with the cool kid. Joe isn’t confident but he holds a secret inner strength. While Matt appears calm on the surface but has a lot of issues underneath. So if you like ‘opposites attract’ then this could be for you.

Cons: It’s a comedy duo, just like with Tai and Izzy. Though they do have their more serious moments and deeper conversations. Also Joe is pretty decisive in fandom. If you’re not a fan of his you’ll probably want to ship Matt with someone else. Or you can make the argument that Matt is too mean to Joe at times, though he always apologizes for it and tries not do it again.

Personal Ranking (7/10) They’re two of my favorite characters in Digimon. While this isn’t my favorite ship for them, I’m all down for indulging myself every once in a while.

Matt x Kari (Yamakari)

Pros: The few people who ship this, do so because of the above scene where Matt has to protect her from Myotismon. Also if Taikeru exists, than it’s only fair if it’s counterpart does as well. You can do the same for this as you can do for that and either go a post season one ruote, or a one sided school girl crush.

Cons: Outside of that one previously mentioned interaction, Matt and Kari get very little one on one screen time. Especially in 02 and Tri, where the age gap wouldn’t matter anymore.

Personal Ranking (3/10) I rank this lower than Taikeru because there’s even less to go off of and I struggle to see how they’re supposed to work together.

Matt x Davis (Yamasuke)

Pros: Same as with Taisuke, Matt is something of a mentor figure who grows to be a friend. And if you disliked Taisuke cause you found Davis and Tai to be too similar, then Matt has that shifting dynamic but with a different personality.

Cons: It also has all the same cons as Taisuke tho. They don’t interact outside of 02, and there’s a bit of an age gap. So make of that what you will.

Personal Ranking (4/10) I do genuinely like Davis and I think he gets along well with most people, but this feels too much like a watered down Taito to really care about it.

Matt x Yolei (Yamayako)

Pros: Yolei does mention in 02, that she helps out Matt and his band sometimes with their audio equipment. Therefore we know for sure that they hang out together as friends even when not on screen. Dynamic wise, its a case of nerdy girl gets the cool guy.

Cons: Near zero on screen interaction save for group scenes in 02, a small age gap,(tho smaller than most 02/Adventure ships), and its similarities to Mimato, is enough to put people off the ship.

Personal Ranking (5/10) I like the ‘nerdy girl gets the cool guy’ trope, but beyond that there’s not much to them.

Matt x Cody (Imato)

Pros: In fairness this about as plausible/implausible as Taiori, I guess. If you like a post series story about two hot dads hooking up or something, then this might appeal to you. Who knows.

Cons: Unlike, Taiori, Cody and Matt don’t even have that coworker angle going for them. Matt’s a fucking astronaut! Which is stupid, but it is what it is. I can’t see any reason why they would wind up together outside of them being in the same social group. Cody is TK’s best friend, and he might hang out with Matt that way, but it’s a long shot. Also the age gap is right on the cut off, so that limits their relationship to only being post Tri.

Parsonal Ranking (1/10) I don’t know why anyone would ship this, and I honestly don't think anybody does. If someone out there does, I’ll give it a look out of sheer curiosity but that’s it.

Matt x Ken (Kenato)

Pros: It’s the two broody boys together. That’s it. They’re both sad and cute, with some anger issues that they’re both trying to work past. So on that point they can connect. So basically soft hurt/comfort fics galore. They also get a teamup episode in 02, so we see them interact one on one.

Cons: They’re a bit too similar dynamic wise. If you don't like both of your characters in a ship to be moody and angst ridden then this might not work for you. They also don’t interact much outside of their one team up episode, and like with Yamasuke there is an age gap.

Parsonal Ranking (4/10) Count me in the ‘too much broodiness for me’ camp.

Matt x Jun (Junato)

Pros: It’s Jun. Also she clearly likes Matt in 02, and he seemingly likes her back their first episode together. They free up Tai and Sora to be together. Oh and if you like the hyperactive optimistic girl with broody cool guy, then this has you cover. If you also a fan of the ‘assertive girl chases after her hopeless crush’ trope, like with Sonic/Amy, Kermit/Miss Piggy, or Bugs/Lola. This also covers that.

Cons: If you don’t like that trope, or dislike Jun altogether then this of course isn’t going to appeal to you. There’s also the added problem of Matt suddenly acting like a douche to her for no reason after their first episode together. It’s like the writers set them up, but then when ‘oh shit!’ when they decided to go with Sorato at the last minute and had to work to shut this pairing down. It’s dumb, and makes both of the characters look bad.

Personal Ranking (7/10) I like it more for what it could have been, rather than for what it became.

Matt x Meiko (Meimato)

Pros: I swear the Tri writers tried to throw in ship folder for Meiko with all of the OG cast. As if she was the potential solution to all of the love triangles in the show or something. Just like with Meichi, this ship is all about the hero protecting the woobie.

Cons: Once again, if you like this ship it’s going to come down to how much you like Meiko as a character and the archetype she represents.

Personal Ranking (5/10) Same score as Meichi for the same reasons.

Now I have to start on a part 2 because Tumblr won’t let me upload any more photos...

#digimon #digimon adventure #shipping #shipping meme

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immortals-malec · 5 years ago

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ok talk about why clac.e didn't work pls -deamaia

Oof rant here we go. let’s hope it all makes sense because i ramble a lot when i rant. For me it’s the damn writing for them is why c!ace didn’t work, (the chemistry is another one but the writing drives me nuts) So in s1, c!ace was developed as a somewhat high school/your basic white YA novel couple and they stay like this for the rest of the series, they never grew out of it. Until like their last damn scene in 3x22Most of their writing always fell flat in s1, the moments were either down right creepy or just look like they wanted to bang the entire time, they were supposed to have like romantic stepping stones for their relationship and yet, there was none, nothing felt romantic (this can fall on the no chemistry thing as well but I felt like it was the writing as well). But there was some moments you could be like okay cute, but you can realize everytime they had that ‘oh cute’ moment damn Ruelle was playing in the background so we can just thank her for that. Like in 1x11 they had like this moment about what happened in the TWI universe, they’re talking about how this is real and shit I’m like you are trying to tell me that what they said in the AU world is what they felt? Sh!Jace was there for like two seconds and got stabbed! And sh!Clary legit faded out of existence for awhile there, how did she know how that Clary felt??? I was so confused it was supposed to be a romantic moment and yet it confuses the fuck out of me. S2 things just get worse because of siblings plot shit and the fact is they still try to move them along as a couple but just ended up making them have a brotherly-sisterly bond, and the fact is they probably could’ve ended the plot sooner but choose not to and show us Clary moving on with Simon and Jace sleeping with people to forget he’s in love with his sister. Tbh they forgot about c!ace until 2x14 and they suddenly remembered that they were endgame and rushed to get them back together, which some of their moments during that time was yeah sorta okay I still didn’t feel anything romantic going on for them, that fucking glow-y scene in 2x19 is scarred into my brain, that’s like supposed to be romantic-bonding for 2.0 of their relationship is just what the fuck. Without the special effects I would’ve hated to be a cast member watching them hold onto each other while a fan blows air, I would’ve walked off or just cried from how bad it was. And than we have the oh so famous c!ace scenes in 2x20, I still honestly can’t remember feeling for them here, like yeah he’s dead but hes gonna come back in like two seconds. And that damn “i love you” scene that should’ve been cut, one never addressed it, didn’t make any sense (was just there because someone was a little upset that Malec was gonna get a whole I can’t live without you scene) and two because I feel like because is might have been the road to that damn stupid ass shit Jamie gives them and therefore the other writers who actually have brains had to.So now s3 which is the start of everybody is tired of the unearned crap c!ace is given. Because here is when they start trying to build up c!ace (and s!zzy too) as this epic in love, meant to be couple, which is a lot of my eyerolls in 3a come from. You really don’t see it in the first episode but boy in the ones after it you do. The whole talk in 3x02? Like what the fuck where did that come from because I sure as fuck don’t feel like you have given those emotions off before and I don’t remember you looking like this in the s1/s2 writing where was that and also this is basically Magnus’s fucking lines from 2x07! I don’t remember what the fuck happens in 3x03 other than Izzy wearing that dress and the Malec/Maryse dinner. But 3x04 is just a fucking mess and it’s by our favorite writer Jamie!! Who wrote those incesty lines in 2x04! But she’s here writing lines out for c!ace that don’t make any fucking sense and it’s just for c!ace fans. like the whole “My love for clary is stronger than your magic” bullshit, just what the hell, that whole episode is basically telling me that they love each other, but they aren’t showing me because that’s how storytelling works, you gotta do both, Malec has it, it’s not that hard. And also I totally almost forgot that half of s3 was spent with Jace forcing Clary not to tell anyone about the wish, ooo couple goals, not. Than 3x05 happens, tbh I forgot most, other than the Malec drama with the stupid timeline which effects the whole damn show and the angel getting his heart punched out by Lilith and Jace getting spelled.But yeah that stupid ass two month timeline that effects the whole show because Alec and Magnus really began their relationship in s1, they just didn’t make it official to the whole world in s2. It really hurts c!ace and their epic love story they try to give us. Because how did they fall in love to the point where Lilith had to get Magnus to spell Jace, because he’s so in love with her that it’s stronger than the Queen of Hell’s magic???? Unless they’re trying to tell me that they either fell in love in s1 or during the time they thought they were siblings.Which is really fucking bad, so when did they fall in love?! They never showed me in the episodes’ writing. Anyways moving on, c!ace gets some more toxic moments and that another “I love you” scene which just had me on the ground because why Jesus. Do they do this to me. And than we have Izzy talking about how much Jace has changed since they met Clary which has me like this????? ‘Cause hm, well ever since Jace met Clary, he’s treated his siblings like shit and became even more of an asshole, and that’s stayed the same over the past three seasons? Where is the change? Here you see that they’re trying to make them seem like Alec and Magnus, who’ve actually changed since they met each other, c!ace? That’s nowhere in their writing. Then we have the whole 3x08 thing where he’s killing clary in his mind, which i have no words for that since i only watched it once. 3x10, good episode, no c!ace moments other than that fake ass cry and ‘cLAEEERY’ yell. And now 3b is where we get to see all of the book!c-lace moments that either don’t make any sense or are just plain toxic. 3x11 I basically skip all of the Jace-c!ace related moments mainly because i can’t stand his face and i watch this episode right before i go to bed so yeah. But it’s a good episode. 3x12, oh the famous shitty reunion that falls under bad writing and bad chemistry, I can’t tell if it was the writing or the chemistry for that one, the reunion should’ve been nice ass top tier but yet- we get weird ass smiles, barely any emotion because I know they do write like ‘the character feels happy’ some crap like that, because I remember the 2x20 script having something like that- but with c!ace nothing- just nothing. Just about how Jace wanted to take her to Paris, lol where in the fuck did that come from because he’s never mentioned that, nEVER. Than we got 3x13- lol my favorite episode (not) this episode was just a shitty filler, but the c!ace moments make me wanna sleep and gag which was all of the action I felt during one of their scenes. So in this one they are back together and trying to figure out how to get the rune off of Clary, because first she really doesn’t want to have s-ex with Jace, ‘it’s never gonna be just me and you, it’s him too.’- which they end up forgetting. Than we get the shittiest build up to a first time scene ever, because this just comes out of nowhere really I guess if you count the previous episodes as build up, but there’s no build up in this one, it just comes out of no where really. One minute she’s like I wANT THE RUNE OFF before I get the d to- i mean it’s YOLO, give me that d. Like????? WHERE. But here’s where we get a book-quote that doesn’t make any damn sense but we gotta do it. “I will love you until I die, and even after then” some shit like that, I can’t remember. Does she even say I love you back? But honestly here did that even come from, the writing makes me wanna go hide. And we also get the shittiest written/filmed worse chemistry after first time scene ever. Like it’s supposed to be romantic??? But the way its filmed and written is just so damn bad, all I did was gag my first watch and rewatch of it. Not to forget the whole it’s basically a incest three thing, because her brother decides to send her a message afterwards.And 3x14 which is just ughh, most of the c!ace ones were with her brother, and the fact is the little ice skating thing was meant to be cute, I guess but I really didn’t feel shit, they were barely in the next episode. 3x16, also known as the dumb and dumber part for them, because lets summon Lilith-, but also the whole Jace is able to bring her out of becoming evil works on paper, made me have a headache because how was he able to be the one to pull her back??? Like that trope is amazing but for c!ace doesn’t make sense, because they haven’t shown me that they are in love that much, or care that much. 3x17-3x18, I just remember him being there, that stupid wings shit and her knocking the shit out of him when she turned dark clary. Oh but the next one- me hate. We got Jamie once again proving that she’s a shit writer, because we got c!ace and drugs! And don’t forget the whole she’s gonna force herself on him, but don;t worry he can push her away, even though he’s about to pass out. (And never once address this) Barely of them in the next one, because we got another return of the “Until I die” quote that still doesn’t make sense. That I rolling my eyes again, now in 3x21/3x22 they didn’t actually piss me off or make me roll my eyes, because somehow the writing was finally somewhat good for them. But they had to throw the “Loving cells” quote and comparing themselves to Malec, which writers you aren’t trying to hide at this point you were trying to make them out to be next to the Main couple, when I was like I could like them. Their last scene is so damn good! Like punch in the gut. WHERE WAS THAT THE WHOLE TIME. Shorter story with the writing: C!ace suffered from tell us all about it but we won’t ever show you/unearned development. All because Todd and co were chickens who didn’t want to change the endgame relationships and didn’t write them good.Mainly in the end you can tell that like I said before because they fucked around with them, they had to give them the unearned writing, so they could match up with Malec. Because just like go through gif sets of them, most of what c!ace got is what Malec had before, except better writing and better chemistry. The chemistry is another reason- but I believe the writing is the bigger one in the end.

#sh couples #writing problems

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radiantresplendence · 5 years ago

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Chamrand’ded (2018-) Season 1

So, I’ve been familiar with the Charmed series, probably since the early 2000s. I’ve even read some of the comics which are set after the series finale of the TV show. It was a show that my mother enjoyed and I, and my younger sister wound up picking the fandom up, at least to a degree. I’ve probably watched the entirety of the original series’ eight season run at least six times, likely more. In terms of fandoms that I’m a part of, it’s among the earliest in my repertoire, alongside the likes of Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh!

Consequently, I was mildly skeptical of the reboot, but told myself that I’d watch it in its entirety out of respect for the original, no matter the quality. For the most part, I think the reboot is a mixed bag. There’s some things that it does that I like, and other choices that it makes that I really do not. The show tends to give off a feeling like the writing staff was constantly at war with itself for the duration of the season.

I’ll start off explaining the premise, and then I’ll dip into spoilers.

The show is set in 2010s US, specifically a college town in Michigan called Hilltowne. The show tends to utilize the local college as a hub for a lot of the episodes. This works decently well for the most part, but has a habit of tending to shrink the world instead of expanding it. Essentially the majority of stuff of import happens to revolve around this college.

This is a modern fantasy setting, with the main cast of three being revealed as the chosen “Charmed Ones” after their mother is killed under mysterious circumstances. They’re each granted magical powers and begin to study witchcraft, under the guidance of a guardian angel called a “whitelighter”.

The main characters are as follows:

Macy Vaughn- The oldest sister, an estranged half-sibling who is separated from the family and was raised by her father without knowledge of her mother. Upon learning of the death of the women she suspected to be her mother, she makes contact with her siblings. She’s a bit awkward, nerdy and headstrong. A lot of the time she stays more independent than her siblings. Her power is telekinesis. Of the cast, I think she’s one of the stronger performers and generally tends to have fairly strong plots.

Mel Vera- The middle sister, who despite living most of her life as the elder sibling, fits neatly into the role of the defiant middle child. An outspoken lesbian feminist with a tendency to make rash decisions. She’s the staunchest defender of personal lives away from magic in the group and tends to dislike authority. A lot of her personal plotlines tend to revolve around her romance interests with mixed effectiveness; despite this, I think her plots tend to have the most intrigue as a whole. She has the power to control time. I find her to be very derivative of Piper from the original series, without the same kind of character development that Piper had to reach the comparable mindset. She has a very genuine, close platonic relationship with the sister’s whitelighter, Harry, that develops quite organically over the course of the season, despite originally being openly hostile to him. I like this relationship a lot, despite Mel being my least favorite member of the main cast.

Maggie Vera- The youngest sister, an empath who tends to be the glue that holds the group together. She’s more bubbly and outgoing than her siblings and is a freshman in college, unsure about what she wants in life. She’s reminiscent of Phoebe from the original series, but isn’t nearly as derivative as Mel is in regards to Piper. She’s portrayed as generally capable and quite stable, yet naive. Her plots tend to revolve around a sorority at the college, and honestly they get old quite quickly as it’s quite apparent from the onset that she won’t officially join the Greek system. Her better plots tend to involve her “bad boy” significant other, Parker.

Harry Greenwood- The sister’s guardian angel, assigned by the powers that be to guide the sisters. A resurrected British man from the mid 1900s. He develops a genuine relationship with each of the sisters as a friend and confidant. He often plays the role of the comic relief and the all-knowing cast member. He winds up living in the sister’s house for the majority of the season. He’s honestly the most complicated member of the cast, despite being rather upstanding. He follows the rules, but personally isn’t infallible. He has baggage and relationships with characters in the world. Despite being sometimes played for comedy, he’s never portrayed as incompetent. I did a longer breakdown of the character in the middle of the season. His powers include, age resistance, teleportation, healing, memory manipulation, limited clairvoyance, limited illusions, limited telekinesis and self healing. My second favorite member of the cast.

Minor characters include:

Parker- Maggie’s half-demon “bad boy” boyfriend. Believed to be the host of the Source of All Evil. Actually does almost nothing wrong all season but is often discriminated against by much of the cast, both good and evil. Reminiscent of Cole from the original series.

Niko- One of Mel’s romance interests. A police officer who’s presence tends to cause a lot of issues tangential to magic. Reminiscent of Andy from the original series.

Jada- Another of Mel’s romance interests. The forbidden child of a witch and whitelighter pairing who’s affiliated with an organization called the Sarcana. A character who I quite like.

Galvin- Macy’s romance interest. A geneticist who works with her, has a family background associated with the occult.

Charity- An Elder with a history that includes Harry. Somewhat untrustworthy, but competent.

Alastair- A powerful demon who wants to bring about the apocalypse. Often portrayed as the main villain of the first season.

Spoilers from here on out.

Generally speaking the first season revolves around the sisters coming into their powers and forming a bond, particularly revolving around Macy’s relationship with her sisters. The main plot points revolve around the Sarcana coven and the assassination of Marisol Vera, the sister’s mother, Parker and the Source, and Harry and Charity’s involvement in the loss of Charity’s sister, Fiona, a powerful witch known as the Keeper of the Sacred Flame.

Generally speaking, the plot is at it’s most powerful, when pushing the third narrative, as it is the most distinctive and intriguing of the three main plots. It gets wrapped up in the second plot when Alastair needs the Sacred Flame as a pawn in order to evoke the Source of All Evil. The first plot is largely resolved in the first half of the season upon it being revealed that Charity was responsible for Marisol’s death. It begins to bleed into the third plot when the Sarcana saves Fiona from her banishment.

It is revealed that Maggie and Macy are full sisters, not half, and that Mel is the one with a different father. It is also revealed that Macy is the product of necromancy and has the potential to develop a demonic power called the evil sight at the cost of her humanity.

Parker’s full-demon brother, Hunter acts as a recurring villain over the course of the series. The brother’s father is Alastair, who also owns the lab that Macy works for.

The strengths:

The season really shines in its ability to keep things interconnected. Parker’s parents are affiliated with Macy’s work, Niko is investigating the Sarcana, the Sarcana save Fiona, Fiona is needed to summon the Source, etc.

Additionally the character interactions tend to be fairly strong. I really believe the interactions between the members of the main cast, particularly Harry and Macy’s.

The reality warping that changes the timeline in order to save Niko might not have been the easiest, or obvious solution, but it was the most interesting.

There’s an episode with Harry and Mel where they go to the UK that really cements their relationship. It’s incredibly sweet and really shows how much Harry means to the Veras and the degree to which they trust him. It ends strikingly bittersweet and is likely one of the most well-written episodes of the season.

The reveal that the Sacred Flame and the Source are ultimately the same force that seeks an ideal host is very well done.

The last two episodes of the season are extremely strong and subvert expectations, particularly the penultimate episode. Macy takes on the Source, kills Alastair, prevents the apocalypse and essentially becomes a god with the power to massively manipulate reality at will. Maggie and Mel have to rely on the bond they formed with Macy over the course of the entire season to get their sister out of the corrupting influence of absolute power.

The weaknesses:

The show has a bad habit of flip-flopping on character relationships. Harry and Charity are on and off, Mel and Niko and Jada have a back and forth relationship all season. Maggie’s pilot boyfriend is on and off. Maggie and Parker are on and off. Macy and Galvin are also on and off. I just kind of wish that the series would portray a stable relationship.

The powers of whitelighters are somewhat inconsistent. They manage to be stronger than their original series counterparts, but also weaker. Essentially it creates a situation where I wonder why the Elders don’t create an army of immortal whitelighters to support do-gooders. They make more righteous dead people every day after all.

The show has a bad habit of taking back decisions on an episode to episode basis. It’s bad enough where there are episodes where it feels like you miss an episode in-between despite watching episodes back to back. It really feels like writers conflicting over what they want on an episode-to-episode basis.

The sorority plot is stupid. I like Maggie well enough, but Lucy should have shown up consistently in the first half of the season and like twice afterward.

I feel like a lot of the “demon of the week” episodes were wasted airtime because of the pace that the series has been taking. The original series could do that in the first season because the build up to the source took almost two seasons and happened in the middle of the series. The reboot pushed the Source as the big narrative that the first season is trying to overcome. It needed every second of the airtime it had to properly build that up, and I feel like it squandered a lot of it. The finale could have been pretty incredible if they focused more on the lead up to that the entire season.

The Conclusion:

Charmed 2018 isn’t necessarily for fans of the original; it’s for people who watch the CW. There are some cute nods to the original series that you can tell were snuck in by clever writers.

Honestly, I find a lot of problems with it. The show is certainly a little more rough around the edges than the original series. Despite this, I enjoyed almost every episode. It nods to the original, but tries not to copy it and explore its own ideas that branch off from the concept.

I honestly think that if make an effort to take more risks in the second season and branch away from college setting, they can recapture some of the magic of the original.

It’s a seven out of ten from me, but it has potential, especially if they’re willing to commit in the same way that they did in the last few episodes. I’d be all too happy to see more.

#charmed #review #charmed 2018 #charmed reboot #macy vaughn #mel vera #maggie vera #harry greenwood #the cw #chamrand'ded

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def-initely-soul · 6 years ago

Text

Whatever You Want Princess (M)

Rated M for mature themes and language.

Original Update: June 8, 2017

A/N: HEY GUYS!! this isn’t the next part of Blood Relations, I know I know please bear with me, but it’s a Jaebum oneshot! All the fluff in here and some of the smut too! Y’all should thank the gorgeous@chanyeolandthebananas for being my inspiration provider! thank you for giving me fluff ideas that turn into filth xD

Words: 6357

Pairing: Jaebum/Reader

Genre: Fluff,Smut

Summary: A casual movie night at your best friend’s only not so “casual”…

“How about I pick the movie for once?”

Jaebum scoffs at your words, his eyes still glued to his laptop screen, searching through his IMDb list.

It’s not the first time you’ve had this conversation. Every time you visit your best friend for the usual Friday movie night instead of going out, you always manage to fight over the movie. Jaebum always wants to watch some low-budget, independent indie movie with a deep meaning, the ending of which provokes more questions than it answers. And while you liked that kind of movies, there was only some amount of them you could see, before you got sick of them. Now, you want something more light-hearted, more comical, to leave you with a pleasant feeling afterward, not food for thought.

And that’s been happening for 8 years.

Since you discovered movies, you both spent your Friday nights, one week on your place and the next on his. When you were kids it was easier, seeing as your houses were next to each other. All you had to do was tell your mother you were going next door and everything would have been fine.

Now, as both of you have moved on to university, you have to take the bus from your dorms to reach Jaebum’s apartment on the other side of the town.

So it’s only fair for you to get to decide which movie you’ll see since he has a car to help him in his transportation in contrast with the dirty seats of the bus you’re taking.

“How about no?” he replies, cocking one eyebrow, as he continues his hunt for a movie, through his watchlist.

You groan in irritation, letting your hands fall to your sides. “Why not? You’re always picking the movie, it’s not fair!” you protest, grabbing one of his pillows to bring it to your lap.

Jaebum chuckles. “Yeah, because I’m the only one with a good taste,” he says, nonchalantly, and the way he says it makes you wanna punch him.

You pout, as you hug the pillow closer to your body. That brat. “That’s not true,”

“Is too,”

“Is not!”

Jaebum turns to look at you with a smile on his face and an endearing glint in his eyes. You find yourself smiling back; it’s one of the effects he has on you, you can’t stay mad at him for long.

He returns his attention back to his laptop. “Whatever you say, princess,” he says with a teasing grin.

Your breath catches in your throat for a second, at the nickname, but you conceal it like you’ve managed to conceal all your reactions after all this time.

Damn Jaebum and the ungodly crush you have on him.

Yeah, you like your best friend. Such a paradox huh?

I mean who doesn’t like Jaebum? He is all a girl could dream of, even from when he was a little kid. He is sweet and caring. Protective of you every time something shady happens, but not too much. He is arrogant but only when he’s teasing you, otherwise he’s one of the most humble people you’ve met. And even though he isn’t exactly talkative or open with other people, the moment he wishes to talk, it’s like everyone stops talking out of respect. He evokes this aura of maturity. One that lets him be heard above numerous other people. He is respected.

And let’s not mention the fact, all girls swoon after him because he’s a writer.

And dammit he’s good.

He writes from novels to poems to even songs. Personally, you adore his songs. There seems to be a stronger connection between his words and his music, even though he refuses to admit it. They are bold, demanding to be heard, to be listened to. And listen you do, since you’re the only person he ever showed his songs to.

He’s quite bashful of his songs and even though he has no reason to, you find it endearing. Every time he gets shy, he does his signature move of joining his hands on his lap, meaning he is anxious about your opinion.

But each time, you feel nothing but amazement in the sound of his songs. And each time you find yourself falling harder, with no way to stop the impending fall. Making it more difficult to say no to him. And that’s what happens today too, as you let him choose the movie again.

Which you regret the moment you see the movie is about two best friends falling in love with each other.

It’s going to be a long night.

Throughout the entirety of the movie, you feel more self-conscious by the second.

Again it’s one of these movies, with silent pauses, sad indie music, meaningful shots of fields and long, intense stares. The plot easily reminds you of your relationship with Jaebum, even though the only real similarity is that the two protagonists are best friends. In regards to everything else, the girl isn’t at all similar to you, nor the guy to Jaebum. But despite that, your heartbeat begins rising and your cheeks redden in every possible chance.

The fact you’re both laying on Jaebum’s bed with his arm leisurely hanging around your shoulders isn’t helping either. You’re hyper-aware of all the spots his skin touches yours, of all his movements. Your pulse quickens every single one of the times his head turns slightly your way, even if he’s not looking at you, and your palms begin sweating.

And the highlight of it all comes with the confession scene, where the girl reveals to the guy how she truly feels. You can’t take it anymore.

You immediately drag your body further from Jaebum, distancing yourself and you stand up in an instant. You turn to look at him and he’s watching you with furrowed eyebrows, confusion etched into his features. You gulp nervously, as you bite your lower lip.

You need a moment.

“I… I need to pee,” you say, quickly and you make your escape to his bathroom, leaving him no time to react.

As soon as the closed door of the bathroom serves as a threshold between you, you let out a long exhale. Great, what are you going to do now? How are you gonna explain yourself to him? You take a look at yourself in the mirror, noticing a permanent expression of panic on your face and you silently curse.

God, I hope he hasn’t noticed.

You open the tap and splash some water on your face to get rid of the redness. You’re thankful Jaebum hasn’t come over to check on you and you hope the confession scene will be done, by the moment you return to his bed.

But, alas, when you step out of your ‘sanctuary’ you realize Jaebum has paused the movie, in the middle of that exact scene. Waiting for you.

Well, fuck.

“Are you okay?”

You frown at the worry in his voice. You really hoped he wouldn’t pick on anything, but it seems your hopes were futile. You look at him, the concern hiding in his eyes is almost tangible and you walk over to him. Resuming your previous spot but with more distance between the two of you.

Jaebum cocks an eyebrow as he waits for your response.

You just shrug your shoulders, defensively. You need to throw him off, so he doesn’t suspect anything. It is the first time you are so awkward around him, so he’s bound to feel that something is wrong.

You stare at the laptop, deliberately ignoring his gaze. “I’m just a bit tired, that’s all…” you say indifferently, hoping to throw him off.

Jaebum stares at you with an unreadable expression and for a moment you’re afraid he won’t let it drop. You swear he can hear your heart beating like a drum inside your chest.

Then he nods softly. “Okay…” he moves his hand to unpause the movie and you feel yourself panicking again. You won’t be able to go through the movie at this rate. So you do the only logical thing that comes to mind.

Yell.

“NO!”

Jaebum jumps at the volume of your voice, his hand stopping mid-air, just above the space button. His eyes are wide with surprise and confusion as he stares at you in disbelief.

You press your lips together, sensing the situation becoming more awkward than you expected. Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled.

You laugh nervously. “… I’m really sleepy right now, so can we pass the movie and fall asleep instead?”

Jaebum’s baffled expression seems knitted to his face and it worries you that you might fucked up worse than you think.

“Um, okay…” he replies hesitantly, as he takes his fingers away from the button to move his laptop to his desk.

You stand on your feet and move to your bag to take out your pajamas. And as you go through your stuff, a memory flashes in front of your eyes, the image of your pjs laying on your bed, before you took off for Jaebum.

“Shit” you curse under your breath. You can’t wear your clothes to bed, you have classes tomorrow.

“What is it now?” you hear Jaebum exhale, tiredly.

“I forgot my pajamas at my place…” you sigh in annoyance, as you continue to look for them hopelessly, inside your bag in case you haven’t seen them. But nope. The pajamas are still missing.

Jaebum straightens up, in silent surprise, a wave of realization passing through his features.

“Oh… you can wear one of my t-shirts…”

You freeze when you hear his words, turning your head to his direction, faster than light. The last thing you want is his smell clinging to you for the next day. “Um, no, no, no, it’s okay, I’ll just wear my-”

“You have classes tomorrow, you can’t wear your clothes to sleep. Unless you wanna look like an old, wrinkled newspaper…” Jaebum cuts you off, with a wicked grin to match his teasing words.

Damn, he’s right, you can’t argue with that. Although you secretly indulge in his scent. It’s comforting and addicting.

You look at him doe-eyed before responding. “Um, okay then…”

Jaebum throws you one of his shirts and you catch it mid-air. You know this one well. It’s one of his favorites, if not his favorite. It’s black and its sleeves reach your elbows and a print of Bart Simpson’s face is on it. It’s practically a part of him now. He wears it almost every single day.

Although it’s recently washed, Jaebum’s scent is distinct all over it.

You silently curse yourself again, as you realize the smell will most likely follow you for the entirety of the next day. But simultaneously you can’t get enough of it.

Does that make you a pervert? Cause you, sure as hell, feel like one.

You walk out of the bathroom, after changing. At least, the shirt is long enough to cover you mid-thigh, so any unwanted revelations are avoided.

You contemplated on leaving your bra on or taking it off, since you always get rid of it when sleeping, even when you were sleeping over at Jaebum’s. But this time, you can’t neglect that nervous feeling that settles at the pit of your stomach at the thought of you being braless in the same room as Jaebum.

Finally, you decide to take it off, in a futile attempt to make this night as normal as it can be. Jaebum has seen you without a bra before so it shouldn’t matter.

Of course, that was when you were a lot younger, but you try to convince yourself it’s okay. Friends don’t feel awkward about this kind of stuff.

Right?

As you walk back into the room, you’re met with a sight that used to be a routine for you, but lately, it has become a constant nightmare.

Jaebum has only prepared his bed for the night. Which means you will be sleeping next to each other. And that is normal for you, you think, or at least it was.

You gulp nervously. The last time this happened, was over two weeks ago when you had stayed here for the night. Everything was going smoothly, just another Friday night watching movies and talking until 3 am, falling asleep peacefully next to each other.

But when you woke up the next morning, for the first time before Jaebum, another sight served to remind you that Jaebum was also a man, besides your best friend.

His shirt had ridden up, revealing that small patch of skin below his belly button, where his happy trail was. The muscles and veins there were tensed and visible, and for a moment you felt your mouth water.

That was before you saw the tent in his pants.

At that moment you panicked, your cheeks flushing red. Your eyes stayed glued there like you were trapped in some sort of spell. And you hate to admit it, but beyond the panic and embarrassment, another familiar feeling started building inside you, and more specifically between your legs.

In a matter of seconds, you were wet because of your best friend’s morning wood.

And as Jaebum stirred in his sleep, you quickly turned your back at him and hid under the covers. As the time passed by and Jaebum woke up and walked to the bathroom you felt more and more like a pervert. That’s why you are so afraid of tonight.

It wasn’t your fault, okay? He just is too damn handsome.

You’re too lost in your own thoughts to hear Jaebum coughing to get your attention.

“Hey, earth calling Y/N,” he says louder and suddenly you see a hand waving in front of your eyes to wake you up.

You jump, slightly startled and you see Jaebum standing in front of you with an unreadable expression. His eyes move for a fraction of a second to his t-shirt you’re wearing and then they become weirdly fixed to your face. A shiver runs down your spine, at the feeling of his eyes on you.

“What?” you reply, quietly, remembering he talked to you.

“I said get into bed” his voice booms through the room and you turn your eyes to said bed. You gulp again, feeling your stomach tightening with anxiety.

This is stupid. You have never been like this before. It’s just Jaebum.

Just Jaebum. It sounds so ironic when he’s the main reason you’re like this.

You nod and walk straight to bed. You crawl under the covers and Jaebum follows you, laying on the bed. You turn your back to him to face the wall, immediately after. You know you’re making things even weirder, but you have to do this for the sake of your heart, or else you are going to die from a heart attack.

“Goodnight!” you swiftly say, as you switch off the bedside lamp on your side. Like this, with the lights closed and your back turned to him, it gives him no chance to engage in conversation. It’s better this way.

Jaebum stands still, sitting on the bed. Looking at you with blank eyes, confused beyond his wits. Usually, you two wouldn’t go straight to sleep. You would talk for hours until one of you fell asleep or until the sun came out. What has gotten into you?

He mumbles a quiet ‘goodnight’ back before he turns his light off too and he dives under the covers.

When you hear Jaebum’s movements, meaning he’s going to sleep as well, you let out a silent exhale of relief, while mentally slapping yourself. Why did you have to make things so weird?

Well, you guess there’s no going back now. Maybe you can settle things over in the morning. And by settle things you don’t mean telling him the truth, but rather finding an excuse that will satisfy his curiosity.

Once again you’re too lost in your thoughts trying to find the perfect excuse.

So when Jaebum’s hand circle around your waist to push your back against his chest, you yelp in surprise.

Jaebum laughs quietly, the sound dangerously close to your ears. “Calm down, it’s just me…” he whispers to your hair, making you shiver.

If only he knew he’s the reason you can’t calm down at all.

When he realizes you’re still too tense in his arms he speaks again.

“What’s up with you today?” you hear his curious voice reverberating on our neck and another chill comes over you.

Why are you so nervous? You have cuddled before and you were okay with it.

Damn, you can’t get the image of last time out of your head.

“N-n-nothing… Nothing is up” you reply, trying to convince him. God, why does your voice sound so shaky? He’s definitely onto something.

Jaebum chuckles against your shoulder, his skin barely touching yours. “Really? Is that why you’ve been acting so strange today?”

Fuck. You nervously swallow, suddenly feeling your neck going dry. “I told you I’m fine…” you mumble, not very convincingly.

Jaebum scoffs this time. “I’m not stupid. There is obviously something bothering you”

When you don’t reply yet again, he continues. “I’m your best friend. You’re supposed to tell me when something’s bothering you, Y/N”

You frown at the ‘best friend’ part. You know that already, he doesn’t have to remind you.

You sigh, resigned. “I know I just… Can we not talk about this now?” you say trying to buy a little more time to think of an appropriate answer. You slowly begin to relax against him and this seems more and more like your usual nights. You’re happy this situation slowly returns back to normal. You’re not willing to ruin this yet.

Jaebum lets out a breath as he nods behind you. “Okay, whatever you want… Let’s go to sleep…”. Although you’re quite surprised he lets it go that easily, you’re relieved. So you mumble a silent ‘thank you’ before you close your eyes, ready to fall asleep.

Only Jaebum has different plans, as he swiftly turns you on your back and he hovers above you.

The air is getting sucked out of your lungs and you lose your words at the back of your throat out of pure shock. You look at him dumbstruck, his black hair falling in front of his eyes, which stare at you intensely.

Again, all relaxation and comfort fly out the window and you’re too self-aware of the way his t-shirt has ridden up your thighs, barely covering your underwear. Your heart beats miraculously fast inside your chest, so much you think you’re gonna pass out.

Jaebum breathes heavily above you, and for a moment he gets distracted by something. You see his eyes focus and unfocus on you repeatedly before his gaze returns to your face.

This time it’s his turn to gulp.

“So are you gonna tell me the truth or do I have to get it out of you?”

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

Your pulse quickens at his words. Your face flushes red.

It seems like you’re officially and royally fucked.

“Jaebum what are you-”

“Well, seems to me like you have chosen the second option…” he whispers, his voice gruff, giving you no time to actually reply. He lowers himself on top of you, his chest barely against yours.

Your mind goes into overdrive. What the hell is going on? Is this a dream?

“Do you really think I haven’t noticed the way you act around me lately? You lose your words almost every day…”

“Th-th-that’s not true-” you try to defend yourself. But who are you kidding? This time it’s obvious.

“You refuse to look me in the eyes when I talk to you-”

“I-I don’t know what you mean-” you reply, as your eyes rest on the ceiling instead of him.

“You’re all tense and uncomfortable around me even in situations where you weren’t before-”

“Okay, okay I get it!” you claim loudly as you try to push him away. Unsuccessfully that is.

Jaebum tilts his head curiously, his eyes burning yours. Shallow breaths leave your lips at the image of him above you. There is a subtle dark glint in his eyes, which causes chills to come through you. He looks dark and addicting, like a deep, dark river that calls you to lose yourself in it, and you do even though you’ll ultimately drown.

“So?” he whispers lowly.

You huff. “Since you have it all figured out, why don’t you tell me instead?” you cross your hands defensively on your chest trying to play it cool when in reality you’re one step away from going completely mad.

But you feel your confidence slowly building up in time. His reactions make it so. It’s as if he’s testing you and he wants you to react this way. You realize there’s more to the situation you haven’t seen before.

Maybe he likes you back.

Jaebum gives you a dark smirk, as his hand pushes some strands of hair behind your ear. “Let me propose something else…” he mutters in thought.

“What about I do something and I figure it out from your reaction to it?” his mystical words confuse you even more, as he waits for your response. The air is thick with unsaid emotions as you continue to stare into each other’s eyes.

When you nod it only takes him a second to smirk again, and then you feel his lips softly brush yours, unsure, testing. But when your lips start moving against him, a sense of confidence rushes through him and he presses himself closer to you. You tangle your hands in his locks to encourage him.

It feels like your heart just exploded. Jaebum is kissing you and you’re kissing him back. What you wanted for so long is finally happening and you can barely wrap your head around it.

This is not a dream. It’s real. It’s really happening.

You feel like you’re flying.

Soon the kiss becomes more heated and you find it difficult to breathe, so you break the kiss to regain your breath. Your faces stay pretty close to each other even though you’re not kissing, and your heavy breaths mingle, as you stare into each other’s lips.

God, you really hope this isn’t a dream.

“Well, I guess I was right then. You like me,�� he speaks breathlessly.

And then you see the warmest, most sincere smile taking over his lips. Your eyes move to his and you see them full of excitement and hope. They are sparking. His face, a face of pure joy. He looks more beautiful than ever.

You feel your cheeks heat again, as you can do nothing but stare dreamily at his eyes.

Jaebum chuckles, the sound perfect to your ears. “God look at you, you’re blushing” he whispers in a teasing but affectionate tone.

At his words, you blush even harder and lose your train of thought, which result in you, opening and closing your mouth like a fish. How does he have that effect on you?

“Well, what did you expect me to do? Dance naked around the house?” you protest.

Jaebum pretends to think about it for a second. “Hmm, I wouldn’t say no to that”

You huff, feeling the atmosphere going back to normal. “Jerk…” you mumble teasingly with a smile. Jaebum smiles back and your heartbeat begins rising again.

“You love it though”

At this you freeze, your smile gradually disappearing from your face, while you stare at him with wide eyes. Was he..?

No. No, it couldn’t be.

As soon as Jaebum sees your reaction, his smile falters as he realizes his choice of words.

“Um, no, I - I didn’t mean it like that!” he says quickly and he struggles to continue. “It’s way too soon! Not that I mind or anything, I mean if you do that’s fine by me! Wait no that didn’t come out right, I mean I’ve been waiting for this since high school so if you do, god please tell me that you do, I’d like to know, why am I talking this much-”

You silence his ongoing rant with a kiss, and this time you’re the one that’s taken him by surprise.

When you move away to see his reaction, he’s still frozen with an expression of panic, only now his eyes are glued to you. God, he’s so cute.

“I do, by the way…” you mutter shyly, smiling softly at him.

He blinks at you and then his face reddens. He’s embarrassed. Oh my god, Jaebum is embarrassed because of you.

Are we sure this is not a dream? Cause if it is, I don’t wanna wake up.

“Oh, um…” he replies, shyly, looking anywhere but you as he rubs the back of his neck. “I-I-I do too…” he whispers while hiding his face in the crook of your neck.

You feel like you’re gonna burst with happiness. Jaebum likes you back. No, he loves you too. And he even said he’s been waiting since high school. Is this what bliss feels like? You find it impossible to keep a straight face and you smile.

You giggle softly, as your fingers stroke his hair in tender motions.

“Why are you laughing…?” he mumbles against your neck and you can almost see his pouty face in your mind.

You bite your lower lip to refrain from laughing again, but you can’t help the smile that seems glued to your face by now.

“Nothing, I just… It feels surreal…” you whisper to his ear, as you keep on brushing your fingers through his hair.

He snorts lightly. “Tell me about it. It feels like my high school self is gonna have a heart attack”

There it is again.

You move to the side slightly to look at him better.

“What do you mean by that?” you ask, suddenly anxious but excited for his answer.

His eyes find yours and he gulps. His face looks like that of a child when it’s confessing to its crush, a similar situation to yours.

It’s adorable.

“I mean… I’ve - I’ve liked you since high school…”

Your smile widens even more.

“Then I think we’re both stupid for waiting that long since I’ve liked you since high school too”

When you say that, the brightness in his eyes can rival that of the sun.

And his smile is the most beautiful thing you’ve seen.

You ended up talking till 3 am and it wasn’t at all weird. It felt natural like it did before, only now both of you know about the feelings each other has and embracing them.

Jaebum explained to you, that he always wakes up before you, due to his situation down there, cause he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. But when that event took place two weeks ago, he was slightly awake when he realized you had hidden under the covers. That’s why he decided to act now. Even though he never was completely certain you felt the same, he could only hope. And when he saw your reaction to him, today, it was like a gentle push for him to act.

After some time you began feeling sleepy so you fell asleep having Jaebum’s arms secured around you.

It is one of the best nights of sleep you ever had.

You wake up the next morning, by the soft rays of sunshine that peek through the blinds.

You blink slowly, as you take in the picture of Jaebum’s room, bathing into the soft morning light, a feeling of coziness and softness floating in the air.

And when you turn around and see Jaebum peacefully sleeping next to you, with his hands around your waist, you’re sure you know what bliss is.

You smile at yourself as you brush your fingers through his hair that fall in front of his eyes.

Jaebum stirs in his sleep and then he’s waking up with a yawn. His eyes are dazed by sleep but then they focus on you and he smiles drowsily.

“Hey…” he mumbles, his voice rough from sleep. Did he have to sound so sultry first thing in the morning?

“Hey…” you shift closer to him and kiss his cheek gently.

He’s still a little sleepy but he smiles wider when your lips touch his skin.

“How did you sleep?” he asks.

“Great. And you?”

He smiles again. “Perfect. Like a baby”

You exhale through your nose, as one side of your lips quirks up.

You lay there, side by side, blissfully staring into each other’s eyes, basking in each other’s presence.

Jaebum brushes your hair behind your ear lovingly then he moves closer to plant a soft kiss on your lips.

You keep him there, as your hands travel to his neck to push him against you. His lips lazily caress yours, as he slowly turns you on your back and he hovers above you.

Your hands move to the nape of his neck, tangling through his locks, as he languidly opens your mouth with his tongue. You let him taste you, as you let a soft moan escape your lips.

Then his mouth moves to the skin of your neck, planting kisses and soft bites, while his hands begin wandering up your thighs and they reach the hem of your shirt.

When he delivers a particularly rough bite on your neck, you gasp at the sensation.

“Jaebum…” you sigh in pleasure.

“God, I could hear you say my name every day for the rest of my life…” he whispers against your neck and he resumes in leaving blue and purple marks all over your skin.

“Do you know how difficult it was not to kiss you right then and there when you walked out of the bathroom, wearing my t-shirt?” he demands, as his fingers slowly push the fabric upwards.

You don’t answer, too absorbed on the feeling of his lips his fingers on your body.

“Jaebum…” you moan again.

He continues leaving soft kisses on your skin while he answers. “What is it?”

You take a breath. “Take your shirt off…”

You feel him smirking against you and then he moves to obey your command.

He takes off his white t-shirt and while he throws it on the other side of the room, leaving him with a pair of black shorts on, your eyes pry on his upper body. His muscles are well defined but not in a buff kind of way, but just enough to have your thighs rubbing together.

Then he lowers himself on top of you once more, his hands resting on either side of your body. “What next, princess?”

Again that nickname has a special effect on you and you feel your panties getting damper.

“Take off my shirt”

At your words, he smirks again and he lowers his head to the area above your panties, where a small patch of skin is visible. He pushes again the fabric upwards, but slowly, as he leaves tender kisses on your skin, and you breathe heavily.

He takes his time. This isn’t about rushing. He wants to do this right.

When the hem of your shirt reaches the skin before your breasts, Jaebum takes it off at once and throws it to the other side of the room, to keep company with his shirt.

And the moment he looks down at your chest he curses.

“Fuck” he grumbles. “Were you not wearing a bra? Do you want to kill me?” he says before lowering his mouth to your breast and taking one nipple into his lips.

You gasp again at the sensation, while his tongue leaves a wet trail around the buds, making you shiver every time he blows on it.

His hand begins moving down to your tummy and then follow the line of your underwear. You suck in a breath, waiting for the moment his fingers will touch you and when he caresses your folds through the fabric, even though the motion is minuscule, you clench.

And when his fingers finally take off your underwear and he places one finger inside you, you almost cry out loud.

His lips find yours in a lazy kiss, as his finger moves inside you slowly. God, this is too much, you think as he adds a second finger.

You moan his name against his lips as the pleasure begins to build. He continues pushing his digits in and out of you, in a leisured fashion, but that’s only showing he’s taking his time with you. A thought that weirdly turns you on even more.

“Jaebum, I… I’m gonna-” you say through short, shallow breaths as you feel your orgasm nearing. But then Jaebum retracts his fingers from you while kissing you again.

“No, not like this… I want to be inside you…” he whispers, the sound sensual to your ears and then he moves to take off his shorts. When he’s left only with his boxers on, you notice the obvious tent in his briefs and your mouth waters.

You move your fingers to his hips, to help him get rid of them and when he’s finally free from his confinements, his cock springs out, resting against his stomach. He’s so hard it almost looks painful, a drop of precum leaking from the tip.

You begin reaching for his cock when he stops you again. “No… We’ll have plenty of time… Right now I need to feel you…” he says softly and he reaches for a condom from his drawers.

As soon as he brings it out, you take it from his hands, ripping the foil wrapper off. You roll it on his length carefully, and as you stroke him slowly, Jaebum sighs in content, his head hang low above yours.

He moves closer to you, his chest barely touching yours, as you guide his tip to your entrance.

And with a deep breath, Jaebum suddenly moves, stretching you as he’s buried deep inside you.

You gasp loudly, as your hands grab on his shoulders, and unsteady breaths leave your lips, at the feeling of him filling you up.

Jaebum breathes against the crook of your neck before speaking.

“Are you okay?”

You nod quickly, with eyes closed, as your hands clutch harder at his skin.

“Yes. Just move please” you whisper weakly.

Then Jaebum starts rolling his hips lazily, as one of his hands rest on one side of you for support while the other intertwines with your fingers.

The pleasure is too much. You’re feeling it building inside you with every move, every lazy thrust, every adoring look, every breathy moan. Never in your wildest dreams have you imagined this would happen, but now that it is you can’t be more content. More complete.

As Jaebum continues thrusting lazily into you, his groans match to your moans of pleasure. And the sounds he makes in combination with his tip brushing your g-spot over and over again, make you feel as you’re about to explode, digging your nails deeper into his skin.

He never picks up the pace, and that doesn’t bother you at all. The way he moves, the way he looks at you with an intimate passion are enough for you to feel satisfied.

And after a while, when his thrusts have turned sloppier, one last thrust has you unraveling before him.

You orgasm with a loud cry of his name, as your nails graze his back, roughly, marks surely left behind. Jaebum hisses at the feeling but it only adds to his own pleasure and soon after he cums with a loud moan.

Then he stops moving, as the two of you breathe heavily against each other. You lay there for a moment trying to catch your breaths before Jaebum places a kiss on your forehead. Then he gets up to throw away the condom and he returns with a wet towel to clean you up.

All the while asking how you’re doing.

“Are you okay?” he asks again, as he leaves the towel on the floor and he climbs back to the bed.

You laugh lightly at his concern. “I’m more than okay…” you say, tiredly as his arms wrap around your frame to push you to him, both of you laying on your sides.

“Can we go back to sleep for another hour?” you mumble, sleepily as you look at him through your eyelashes.

The look Jaebum gives you is nothing short of loving and he smiles again.

That stunning smile that makes you weak and serves as a reminder of why you fell in love with him.

“Whatever you want princess,” he says, repeating his teasing words from before.

And, while before you kept thinking this might be a dream, you’re sure now it isn’t.

No dream can bring you this much happiness.

that was it! please tell me what you think about this!! thank you loves!

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joannalannister · 6 years ago

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Hi I was thinking about Jon x Dany and, while I do like them in the show, they had very few scenes where romance was part of the equation. While I 100% think they’ll also get together in the books, I’m a little worried. GRRM isn’t that great with romance. I’m afraid he’ll make Jon x Dany too toxic. Given the romantic history of both characters, I’m having trouble imaging them in a healthy enough relationship. Do you have any thoughts about this? Hope you do : ) Your writing is always awesome!

Thanks for asking me, you’re very kind. As much as I would like to reassure you, I must start by saying that GRRM is never going to write a relationship that everyone is 100% happy with.

“GRRM isn’t that great with romance.” I’m not sure what this means. This isn’t a criticism of you, I know you’re constrained by character limits, but I think we should explore this assertion before proceeding.

What is romance? Wikipedia defines it as “an emotional feeling of love for another person and the courtship behaviors undertaken to express that overall feeling […]. Although […] widely associated with sexual attraction, romantic feelings can exist without expectation of physical consummation”.

I think GRRM is very good at conveying his characters’ emotions, including their feelings of love. For example, when Jon Connington remembers Myles Toyne, it makes my heart ache:

Myles had been possessed of jug ears, a crooked jaw, and the biggest nose that Jon Connington had ever seen. When he smiled at you, though, none of that mattered.

And in the Dunk & Egg stories, Dunk’s innocent and sweet “not too tall for me” captures not only Dunk’s feelings but also the essence of his character.

And this romantic moment is one of my favorites:

And there was one woman, sitting almost at the foot of the third table on the left … the wife of one of the Fossoways, he thought, and heavy with his child. Her delicate beauty was in no way diminished by her belly, nor was her pleasure in the food and frolics. Tyrion watched as her husband fed her morsels off his plate. They drank from the same cup, and would kiss often and unpredictably. Whenever they did, his hand would gently rest upon her stomach, a tender and protective gesture.

And if you want one of the main characters, well, this passage rips my heart in two, knowing what monstrous things Tywin has in store for these two innocent teenagers:

He dreamed of a better place, a snug little cottage by the sunset sea. The walls were lopsided and cracked and the floor had been made of packed earth, but he had always been warm there, even when they let the fire go out. She used to tease me about that, he remembered. I never thought to feed the fire, that had always been a servant’s task. “We have no servants,” she would remind me, and I would say, “You have me, I’m your servant,” [that’s some Princess Bride shit right there with Tyrion Lannister as Westley] and she would say, “A lazy servant. What do they do with lazy servants in Casterly Rock, my lord?” and he would tell her, “They kiss them.” That would always make her giggle. “They do not neither. They beat them, I bet,” she would say, but he would insist, “No, they kiss them, just like this.” He would show her how. “They kiss their fingers first, every one, and they kiss their wrists, yes, and inside their elbows. Then they kiss their funny ears, all our servants have funny ears. Stop laughing! And they kiss their cheeks and they kiss their noses with the little bump in them, there, so, like that, and they kiss their sweet brows and their hair and their lips, their … mmmm … mouths … so …”

They would kiss for hours, and spend whole days doing no more than lolling in bed, listening to the waves, and touching each other. Her body was a wonder to him, and she seemed to find delight in his. Sometimes she would sing to him. I loved a maid as fair as summer, with sunlight in her hair. “I love you, Tyrion,” she would whisper before they went to sleep at night. “I love your lips. I love your voice, and the words you say to me, and how you treat me gentle. I love your face.”

So I don’t think I can agree with you that GRRM isn’t great with romance. Maybe these particular examples didn’t resonate with you, but was there really nothing in the books that tugged at your heart romantically? Not even Renly and Loras’s relationship, from your URL?

But when you say GRRM isn’t great with romance, maybe it’s the romanticized moments you really mean?

For example, in ACOK, during the Battle of the Blackwater, Sandor waits for Sansa in her room, and he holds her at knifepoint until she sings him a song. I think this scene is about trauma more than it’s about romance. Sandor has been dehumanized by the Lannisters for so long, treated as one of their dogs of war, that he’s forgotten what it means to be human and he’s forgotten how to connect with people. So when Sandor tries to form a connection with Sansa, he does so through violence, because that’s the only way he remembers how.

But GRRM doesn’t write that scene romantically in my opinion:

Her throat was dry and tight with fear, and every song she had ever known had fled from her mind. Please don’t kill me, she wanted to scream, please don’t. She could feel him twisting the point, pushing it into her throat, and she almost closed her eyes again, but then she remembered. It was not the song of Florian and Jonquil, but it was a song. Her voice sounded small and thin and tremulous in her ears.

Gentle Mother, font of mercy, save our sons from war, we pray, stay the swords and stay the arrows, let them know a better day.Gentle Mother, strength of women, help our daughters through this fray, soothe the wrath and tame the fury, teach us all a kinder way.

It’s Sansa singing about kindness and gentleness and mercy that reminds Sandor of his humanity.

And of course, later, Sansa romanticizes this event, imagining that Sandor kissed her:

As the boy’s lips touched her own she found herself thinking of another kiss. She could still remember how it felt, when his cruel mouth pressed down on her own. He had come to Sansa in the darkness as green fire filled the sky. He took a song and a kiss, and left me nothing but a bloody cloak.

But that’s how Sansa deals with her trauma, by romanticizing it, by rewriting it as a fairy tale.

Perhaps you would have preferred a stronger condemnation of this event (or similar events) by the text? But I think GRRM knows he has very smart, engaged readers. He doesn’t have to spell it out for us; we know this is a fucked up situation.

Personally it isn’t the romance I consider to be one of GRRM’s problem areas, it’s the physical consummation.

For example, GRRM doesn’t seem to be aware that most of the rapes he wrote didn’t occur during war, so does he even realize that some of the stuff he wrote was rape? I can’t find the interview right now, but I believe GRRM commented on how the show changed Drogo and Dany’s wedding night to a rape scene, and GRRM kind of … distances … himself from that decision … as if GRRM didn’t write Dany being raped repeatedly by Drogo during the early days of her marriage.

Also, the altar sex scene between Jaime and Cersei is still very controversial. (I have a lot of thoughts about Jaime and Cersei’s sex scenes and what they mean for their relationship, but I can’t deal with tumblr’s wank culture right now.)

Also, it’s been over a year and I still haven’t recovered from this:

she walked toward him, her hips shifting forward with each step, as if her pussy were coming to him, the rest of her trailing behind reluctantly.

“as if her pussy were coming to him, the rest of her trailing behind reluctantly”

Someone really should draw this vagina monster because i can’t get it out of my mind.

Anyways.

While I disagree with you about the romance, I will say that GRRM’s sex scenes aren’t always the best. But in GRRM’s defense, some of his sex scenes are quite lovely imo:

Not a happy conversation, maybe, but a human one. Both of us needed someone, and we reached out. Afterwards, I took her back to my cabin, and made love to her as fiercely as I could. Then, the darkness softened, we held each other and talked away the night.

So I would say it’s a mixed bag in terms of the sex scenes.

What will a sex scene between Jon and Dany look like in the books?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Dunno. Will there even be a sex scene between Jon and Dany in the books? I think so, but it’s not a given. We’ll just have to wait and see.

Will Jon x Dany be too toxic in the books?

I don’t find “toxic” to be terribly useful when it comes to evaluating fiction. Again, this isn’t a criticism, so I hope you aren’t offended, but this word for me is too vague, too lacking in complexity, and worst of all, too dichotomizing. Labeling something “toxic” tends to sort ships into easily-defined categories, with the “toxic” ones to be discarded on the midden heap in search of something ~pure~, as if such purity existed outside the blandest coffee shop AU.

The “toxic” label tempts us into a mindset where certain literary relationships are perceived to have no value. “toxic” becomes the end of the conversation for tumblr, when it should be just the beginning. The relationship in Oedipus Rex is certainly “toxic” by any definition of the word, so what is it about this story that has endured for centuries? The fandom police on tumblr wouldn’t be asking that question; they would just ban the story for its lack of moral purity, and we would be all the poorer for it.

(See also: fandom’s discussion of Renly. It’s the end of a conversation, when it should be the beginning.)

So let’s set “toxic” aside.

“Given the romantic history of both characters“ Again, I’m not entirely sure what this means.

Dany was sold to Drogo and raped. Jorah pines for Dany. Daario is … Daario. Hizdahr was a marriage of convenience. But what do these relationships have to do with Jon Snow?

And what does Ygritte have to do with Dany?

I mean, I suppose there is some commonality here. Jon fell in love with Ygritte while he was little more than a captive, and Dany fell in love with Drogo while she basically was Drogo’s captive. So, like … yeah, these weren’t the best situations … but … I don’t think GRRM is trying to write “Guidelines for Relationships and Consent for the College Freshman”.

Like, Jon’s relationship with Ygritte certainly has some consent issues, and these issues are definitely worth talking about, but tumblr uses these issues to shut down the conversation, as if we need to throw this fictional relationship in the garbage and wash our hands of it. As if there’s no value to it. As if GRRM isn’t trying to say something profound about Jon falling in love with a people he was raised to believe were his enemy.

In real life, I hope nobody is in a relationship with consent issues. But in fiction … human beings are flawed, and our relationships are flawed too. Its these flaws that breathe life onto the page.

For me, Jon and Dany’s romantic history is thematically important to ASOIAF as a whole. Each of them have loved and lost, but they haven’t become hardened by it. They remain in the world, and a part of it. Our heroes’ hearts remain open. There is room for many loves in their lives. Contrast this against villainous Tywin, who had room for one love, and one love only, and once it was gone, he denied love. One of the questions I think ASOIAF asks is, how much love do you have to give? And what would you do, for love? Because that isn’t just Jaime’s self-loathing line, it’s a question central to the series.

So, for me, Jon and Dany’s romantic history isn’t an impediment. It’s proof to me that they love, and that they can keep opening themselves to love, even in the worst circumstances. (Because let me tell you, circumstances are about to get much worse.)

“I’m having trouble imaging them in a healthy enough relationship.“

What is a healthy relationship with an Undead Zombie? (Coming into contact with Jon’s rotting flesh can’t be that healthy imo.)

What is a healthy relationship with a messianic girl who made miracles?

What is a healthy relationship, at the end of the world?

I’m sorry, I truly, sincerely hope I am not hurting your feelings, and I am terribly sorry if I have hurt your feelings, but you asked for my thoughts:

For me the question of whether Jon and Dany will have a healthy relationship seems … absurd. Not because “healthy” seems obvious**, but because “healthy” seems irrelevant at the end of the world.

**It’s not obvious, because I don’t even know what “healthy” means in the apocalypse. What is a healthy relationship, at the end of the world? That was not a rhetorical question, because I really, truly don’t know what “healthy” means at the end of the world.

If the world is coming to an end, there are so many things that I would ask that are so much more important to me than “are they healthy?”

Like. Put the show out of your mind. Completely. Pretend you never saw it, because I don’t think Jon and Dany look like that. I don’t think Jon and Dany look like that at all in the books.

I don’t think it’s about Jon and Dany vying for a throne, I don’t even think the Iron Throne is going to exist anymore. I don’t think it’s about stupid wight hunts, I don’t think it’s about fighting over dragonglass, I don’t think it’s about having sex on a boat. I don’t think it’s about fighting the evil Other King, because he doesn’t exist in the books, because in the books, the true enemy is a force of dehumanization. It’s an enemy we’re all capable of becoming, and something we all have to fight.

I don’t think King’s Landing is even going to be there. I think Cersei’s going to be dead. I think the southern half of the continent is largely going to be dead or dying, while the northern half wishes they were. I think GRRM can write a sense of desperation that will have you clawing at your face with one hand while you can’t stop turning the pages with the other.

And I don’t think Jon and Dany get “together” until this desperation grabs us in its lizard-lion jaws and refuses to let us go. I don’t think Jon and Dany really get “together” until they’re beyond the curtain of light, in another world, an Other world, a fairy realm that is grotesquely beautiful and strange and cold. A place of impossible angles that hurt you to think about them, and strange labyrinths where you lose yourself in more ways than one, and terrible, terrible cruelty.

The heroes are alone (possibly with Tyrion) in a place that’s the opposite of the Garden of Eden.

And in this place, I think they’re all struggling to remember their humanity, struggling to remember why they ever came there in the first place, struggling to remember why they should even care. Why should Jon try to save a world that would murder him for helping? Why should Tyrion try to save a world that branded him a monster from birth? Why should a queen try to protect her people, when (I think, speculating wildly from scraps of the show) they reject her as their queen?

”Remember who you are“

When they’ve lost even themselves in this strange place beyond the end of the world … there are so many important questions to ask.

To me, the most important question is, will there be love? Love is our greatest glory, the greatest expression of our humanity, our greatest strength in the face of an alien species that wants to eradicate humanity. Without love, I think Jon and Dany (and Tyrion) are doomed to failure, and the world along with them. Saving the world has to be an act of love. Self-love, and altruistic love, and romantic love, and all sorts.

My next question is, will there be kindness? In Westeros, as in our world, kindness is a rare gem. We each have only so much time, and I hope everyone spreads as much kindness as possible in the time they have, even if that time is only fictional. I hope Jon and Dany will be kind to each other.

Will there be trust? Together, humanity is so much greater than the sum of its parts. I hope Jon and Dany realize this. I hope they find a way to work together. I hope they can rely on each other.

Will they have given it their all? Will they realize their full potential? I hope Jon and Dany get the chance to do everything in their power, and I hope they leave this world without regrets. I hope they rage against the dying of the light.

Will they find comfort in each other, at the end? I don’t think Jon and Dany are making it out of this alive, but I hope they hold each other, and soften the darkness, and talk away the night.

I don’t know what Jon and Dany will be like, but I can hope.

I personally wouldn’t worry about Jon and Dany’s relationship in the books yet, because it hasn’t even been written yet. I have faith in GRRM, and I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt. If I’m wrong, there will be plenty of time to critique this relationship after it’s published.

***

I’m sorry if this doesn’t answer your question. I’m also really sorry if I made you feel bad, I hope I didn’t, but I’m sorry if I did. (Please tell me that I didn’t, or else I will fret.)

I have a tag for discussions of Jon and Dany’s relationship, if you want to read more of my thoughts: #jdmeta

#thank you! you're very kind #gameofthronesrenlyxlorasforever #replies #jdmeta #lannister thoughts #jon x dany #dany x jon #jon snow #daenerys targaryen

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idolizerp · 5 years ago

Photo

LOADING INFORMATION ON INDIGO’S MAIN DANCE, LEAD VOCAL, RAP MOON JIHUN…

IDOL DETAILS

STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 26 DEBUT AGE: 21 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 18 COMPANY: MSG ETC: this member is known for their involvement in musicals

IDOL IMAGE

The steadfast, reliable one.

That’s what he is, that’s what he needs to be, or so he’s told.

Not the one who ever truly stands out, only ever when he’s given the time to take center stage as a dancer, but a jack of all trades who blends smoothly into anything that’s thrown at him. Dancing is what he does best, and he clears the stage every time he’s on there, so much so that there’s articles written about how he comes alive, and there’s comment chains about his so-called duality, on stage vs off stage, the artist vs the person, as if they truly knew either at all.

Where his bandmates are electric and mysterious, where they’re magnetic and bring people in, his job is to keep them there, to be the anchor. He’s approachable, perhaps a little too much, and the company pushes his open and earnest relationship to fans, because they need it. The company tells him to be the best friend, the big brother, never the favorite but good enough to make people feel comfortable. The meek shall inherit the earth, as they say.

It’s a polished and just-flawed-enough version of who he’s always wanted to become, once, before the mirror cracked and the smoke vanished. Smile for the camera, be that boy, strong, unwavering, always there for others, sometimes not quite there himself.

He pursues musicals, gets the OK from the company after much insistence, after convincing them that it’ll allow him to show versatility, that that’s the thing they want for the group right now. Selfishly, he wants it for himself first, to show that he can take on that challenge and see it through. The company agrees, if only because they need it, a way to show and confirm, after re:group, that their idols can truly adapt and thrive no matter what’s thrown at them. It’s publicity, at least, but then it’s up to him to make it good.

There’s a sort of vindication in it, although he’s always been told to avoid being too prideful, but sometimes he can’t help it. No hurt in telling yourself you’re doing well, after all, that your best is enough for once.

IDOL HISTORY

corner of the sky.

“Special”.

“Gifted”.

“Prodigal”.

Words that mean too much, until they dont mean anything at all.

When Moon Jihun is seven years old, his parents sign him up for the school talent show, at his express request. He had seen this performance on TV, of an artist whose name he can’t remember and that his seven-year-old grasp on language would probably jumble anyway, but it shakes something up in him like nothing has before. It plants a seed in his young mind that’s only begging to grow, so he bats his lashes as his mother, and she writes his name down because of course, anything for her little prince. Before he knows it he gets a taste of it, the costumes and the light and the dramatics, but most importantly he hears his own voice, feels his body moving, and he loves how it makes him feel.

Passion feels like all he needs and he cultivates it, for all the years afterward, and it’s only the beginning of the road. It’s also the foundation of a home, for Jihun, and back then it’s whole and beautiful and precious, not in ruins quite yet. He’s his parents’ and grandparents’ treasure, the pride of Seogwipo, center stage in flashing light. The family’s crown jewel who can do nothing wrong in their eyes.

Jihun, you’re so much more advanced than all the other kids!

You know, our Jihun practices a lot at home.

I think it shows, he’s so talented!

He works hard at performing because he loves it, but he can’t deny that being told he’s good, being told he’s special, is more fuel to his fire. It must mean he’s doing something right, and it must be true, they have no reason to lie to him after all, they’re only here to encourage and lift him up. Honesty is the best policy, always, that’s what he believes and what he holds on to. So whenever his father grips him by the shoulders and tells him he’s special, he believes it. Whenever his grandmother hangs another picture on the wall, he feels his heart filling with pride. Every time he sees them sitting in a row, all eyes on him, it’s only more motivation to chase this dream.

He’s special, after all.

Fresh out of middle school, he moves to the big city, Seoul, center of the known universe. And, or so he thinks, fulfills his destiny.

The performing arts school building towers over him the first day, so many promises rising up to the sky, all the hope he’d shouldered from all his years practicing finally about to fully realize themselves into something concrete, something for the future.

The future, as it turns out, is a paper plane that burns at the slightest change of direction.

Outside of his bubble, away from his family, Jihun crashes in a way he’s never experienced before. Where’s that special kid, where’s the prodigal son, in the middle of all the other students who are stronger and better in every way? Where’s the gift gone, when he’s struggling to catch up, much less keep up, when he loses his breath and comes tumbling to the floor, lungs on fire, sweat trickling down his back, the unpleasant physical manifestation of failure.

That’s a new word, failure. It stains his tongue like the bitter taste of tobacco, the cigarettes he starts sneaking in between classes, hunched over, curled up on himself against the back wall of the building, shame and disgust and failure, failure, failure.

His parents’ praise echoes in his mind and he tries to crumple it up and throw it away, because it’s not enough. It was never enough and he can’t do anything with it now, not when he feels himself falling behind, slipping away, his dreams so far out of reach he should probably just let them go.

But letting go is not an option, of course. The only thing stronger than his shame is his stubbornness. If he’s just average, the only way is up. If he only has his determination to show for himself, then at least he’s got something. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Know where you stand. Stand your ground. Throw yourself into practice.

He takes everything in stride. Classes, projects, late night training, throw five or six desperate kids in a room and call it a learning experience. Sneak into the school’s studio when no one is looking, stumble upon a classmate, keep each other’s secrets and keep each other afloat. There’s more vindication in knowing he’s trying than in being told he doesn’t have to. Maybe it’s too much sometimes, but there’s this growing, urgent need in Jihun’s gut to just prove that he can, so he keeps going, cultivates his work ethic far away from false promises and little white lies.

waving through a window.

He’s eighteen, waiting at the bus stop when it happens, a man in a cheap suit handing him a business card, the three letters MSG feeling like a punch in the throat. He knows them, of course, anyone with an interest in the industry does. The fine print in is the man’s words, though.

“You’ve got a face that’ll sell.”

It’s a start, maybe. It’s ok if he can capitalize off of that, show what he truly wants to. It’s a chance he can’t afford to pass up. Even if he doesn’t like to think of it that way, everything is a means to an end.

Trainee life is, for all he’s anticipated, just a leveled-up version of school. He gets the call back a week after his audition. The almost soulless voice on the other hand claims they saw something in him, and it’s been a while since he’s heard those words so Jihun takes them with caution, files them in a corner of his mind that’s still marked with a red flag.

He still shows up on the company’s doorstep with his suitcase and his aching heart.

The cycle starts again. Push yourself to the limit, say yes, thank you, I’ll do my best, I’ll work harder, and then do just that. It’s all you’ve got a claim to, after all. In that room he’s just like he was before, keeps himself afloat among the others, and eventually, he finds his footing. He can breathe a little easier, sleep a little sounder, even if he doesn’t get to do either of those things much. Little by little, finally, he makes himself known. Remarkable if only for how diligent he is, people also commend his hunger to prove himself. The downside, that he tries not to let become his downfall, is his tendency to bite off more than he can chew, leaving projects unfinished or unpolished just because he wants to move on to the next one, to do everything at once, to show his worth. Run through a dance cover, move on to some barely formed choreography, or two, sometimes both at the same time because he needs to keep his mind occupied and alert.

His body feels like it’s being taken apart every day, from the hazy dance practices that blend into each other, always longer and more grueling and the next, but he loves it, this feeling, when the world spins and he’s taken along in the movement. It’s all he ever wants to do. It’s all he feels that he knows.

“You just don’t stand out.”

It’s that sentence, that he seems to hear over and over, that makes his blood boil and sets his heart on fire. “If they’re not looking my way, I’ll make them.”

And he does.

If he’s always heard that debuting is the hardest part, he’d wager that following up is harder. It doesn’t feel difficult or painful when he stands on that stage for the first time, finally, a day that he’d begun to think would never come. It feels freeing. It feels like the sky has opened up and all the atmospheric pressure has been lifted, and rain is clearing yesterday’s pain to make way for tomorrow’s joy.

Tomorrow’s joy, he learns the hard way, only comes to the fortunate. They’re not among them. Months pass and comebacks happen and everything remains the same, leaving sweat stains and tear tracks everywhere they go, trying to make sense of a situation that never does. It’s not hard work that makes dreams come true, it’s luck, pure dumb luck, and theirs ran out so quickly that Jihun keeps wondering if there’s something they’re doing wrong.

Still they keep on going, stuck somewhere between determination and desperation, a single red thread that threatens to snap at any moment. It’s burned into Jihun’s skin, this lifeline, the promise of a better tomorrow that never seems to come; low sales, low views, low interest, low morale, but still this hunger, unsatisfied yet, and maybe it never will be.

soul of a man.

Re:group is grueling, worse than he’d imagined, worse than he’s been through.

Against the odds, he hears those words again. One by one as the guys walk in, this one is special, this one is gifted, this one is prodigal, and yet they’re all here, but to him they don’t seem to realize the reason why.

He gets the devil’s part, grits his teeth when he watches the episodes and sees what they’ve made of him, but he makes do with it. After all, this world will only ever let you be who they’ve already decided you are, and in a situation like this one, it’s pointless to fight against it. If you know who you are then it’s enough, and Jihun does, finally. So he works, and he works, because that’s all he knows, and he refuses to let anyone hold that against him at least. If the producers decide he’s the bad guy, too relentless and demanding and straightforward, then so be it. Through it all, he fights like a lion who refuses to die in the cage.

Too often his outspokenness is mistaken for humor, and the things he says that pertain to the hardships of the industry are brushed to the side or not taken seriously. The industry is cruel, this much he knows, but even in the role he’s been given, even as the MCs and the managers try to silence him, he knows he can hold on to what he believes. Sure he has to compromise, and it eats him alive on most days, how often he’s asked or downright forced to set his conscience aside. The fans notice, a little, but it’s only small things they can get attached to. For now it’s probably enough, not that he’d be allowed anything more.

At the conclusion of it all, under stage lights and scrutiny, as he’s been doing all his life, he waits for his name to be called. But the call never comes. It’s okay. It’s enough. he did his best, and they’ll never take that away from him.

The gate opens to a brave new world instead.

one day more.

Fortune is a funny thing, really.

One day it seems like it’s all but abandoned them, thrown them to the side of the road to fend for themselves and eventually be picked on by vultures, a disgraceful end for a disgraceful life.

The next day, like some trickster god was in a benevolent mood and spun the wheel again, they wake up in a world where people have finally taken notice, where they’re not an afterthought anymore.

The first group schedule after the show, Jihun can barely see through the crowd and the flashing lights. It’s a new feeling and he thinks he could get used to it, even if the little voice in the back of his head warns him that this too shall pass if they’re not careful.

Take the second chance and run with it, because they don’t come easy, because it could be the last. Take the love, the admiration, the trophies, cherish them, because they could slip away at any moment.. Put in your demands now, because they can’t refuse you anything anymore. Now Jihun understands what it’s like to be the breadwinner, the move maker, the one that the light is finally shining on.

In the wake of their newfound success, Jihun gets cast in his first real musical, so far from the cardboard and the watercolor of the school talent show. It’s a never-ending thrill ride, a rush of adrenaline like he’s never known before, one that he hopes he never gets used to. He’s clawed his way up here and he’ll fight to stay, even when the industry is as unforgiving as its ever been.

When the cameras are off, as always, his strong moral compass is both his lifeline and his downfall. Even when it starts working in his favor, he still disapproves of many aspects of the idol industry, silently protests against the personal restrictions, refuses to settle for “this is how it’s always been done.” His intentions to voice that dislike are often shut down by his company to maintain the image they gave him, one that is a little too off to who he truly is for him to stay quiet for long. Maybe one day the industry will change enough that it will never have to be this way again, for him or anyone who shares his way of thinking. For now, if he can keep his balance despite all of it, if he can stay true no matter what, then he’ll have already won.

It takes a lot to break a man’s spirit. Even more when he’s already been patched up, and is held together with renewed hope; and the knowledge that if he holds on to his unwavering belief in what’s right, and keeps on his path as he has, then he’ll find a way out into the light in the end.

#id.bio #id.msg #id.indigo #id.kim taeho

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birger-wuvs-elsa · 6 years ago

Text

Frozen OC Exchange

@wintryspice I got yours, and decided to focus on Hannah with mentions of Charlotte. I was very nervous about this, as I usually am when writing...literally any character at all I didn’t make myself, lol. I cheated a little, called in the good ass himself for backup; but he’s in disguise in a human rendition, so it’s okay. =P

Modern AU, because why not? X3 I hope you like it... (=^w^=)>”

P.S. Birger has a soft spot for literally any OC who’s Elsa’s kid, so I’m not surprised at all he made this easier to write, lol.

“You need to go visit him, Hannah; whether you want to is beside the point.”

Hannah stubbornly refused respond, or to meet her mother’s eyes. Though the reflection of her mother, Elsa, in the mirror before her certainly made that tricky. The young girl, with blonde hair a shade or two darker than her mother’s, decided to focus instead on her hands folded upon her lap. Despite the many words a part of her wanted to say that churned deep inside, Hannah kept them at bay. They would help matters…not with how complicated they’d become.

Not after losing her dad, only to find out she’d had an estranged uncle she never knew the whole time.

A man who’d apparently, despite his supposed “great love” for his younger sister, distanced himself thoroughly due to his personal loathing of her father. Because of this, and how her uncle had purposefully avoided his own family, Hannah wasn’t sure she wanted anything to do with him. He didn’t attend the ceremony of her parents’ marriage, had moved away not long afterwards, and she’d never heard tale of him until just a few days ago.

Her uncle had made it clear he hadn’t been willing to stay close, so shouldn’t he be the one who reached out to her?

Before she’d even noticed Elsa had finished brushing her hair, she felt a hand lay gently on her shoulder. Against her previously stubborn wishes, Hannah couldn’t help but look up and meet her mother’s eyes through the mirror. Though her own eyes were a tad greener than her mother’s, they still held a similar spark as they met through the glass.

“I know that learning of his avoidance of us because of your father hurt you, and you have every right to feel that way. But these are mistakes of the past made long before you were born that you’re judging him for. It’s not as if he absolutely abandoned us, anyway.”

Hannah’s eyebrows shot up, and her eyes widened. “How do you mean, mother?”

Elsa smiled a soft, bittersweet smile. “Dear Hannah, how did you think all of those gifts you and your siblings received without a From filled out came about? Or that college fund that mysteriously showed up when you came of age to use them, with others awaiting your siblings to be old enough?”

Her mother paused to give Hannah a moment to process this revelation, and process she did. Many of her (secretly) favorite gifts had been those mystery gifts with no From name, and the college fund reserved for her had been a great boon for her pursuing a medical degree. These blessings that she simply thought were subtle gifts from her parents, or family or friends that she knew and loved dearly…had come from him?

“In fact, if I’m being honest…the only reason I had the idea to get you Misha, is because Branko suggested it.”

A soft gasped escaped from Hannah, but she was all too in shock to care. Misha? Misha? Her precious husky, who currently laid curled in a fluffy, adorable mass on her dog bed in the corner of the room, snoring away, was also from him? The dear dog whom she shared with little Charlotte…

“B-but…” Hannah started, hesitant, the walls she’d built around her uncle slowly beginning to crack.

Elsa, patient as ever, began to tie her daughter’s hair in a loose French Braid as she gave Hannah time to continue. Not only did her daughter like this style, but it was one that Elsa commonly used herself. As such, the lighter blonde had sly motivations for tying Hannah’s hair this way for today. What better way to visually help her older brother to feel more comfortable around the niece he never meant, than to show how much like her mother she was?

Elsa only hoped it worked that way, and that it didn’t instead remind Branko of what he’d lost…

“But mother, if…if he cared that much about us, about you, then why?” Hannah implored as she stared at the reflection of her mother’s face, and ignored the pinpricks at her eyes that forewarned tears. “If he loved us why would he stay away?”

Elsa took in a deep breath through the nose, and sighed. “It’s both simple and complex, sweetheart. Branko was so terribly conflicted, he was not at all alright with my and Hans’ relationship. For reasons I’ll not disclose right now, suffice it to say those two did not have the most amenable relation. That would be even harder to explain, honestly, but Branko let us be because, in the end…he didn’t want to jeopardize our happiness, even if he didn’t like half of the involved party.”

“As for why he stayed away from you, the twins, and Charlotte? It was pretty much the same reasoning, really, but a tad different. Branko was scared to death of ruining what he had, he didn’t want to risk us having issues that would never have happened had he remained uninvolved. To put matters simply?”

Elsa gripped Hannah’s shoulders and squeezed gently. “Your uncle was afraid his very presence would ruin our happiness, and sacrificed getting to see you all grow up to ensure you grew up happy.”

Hannah took a shuddering breath before she turned to meet her mother’s eyes directly. “But, that means…did he also stay away from you?”

The young woman didn’t miss how her mother gulped, and how her eyes grew unfocused as she sighed. “Indeed, he did…it pained him as much as it had me, it seemed, from his letters.”

Hannah sat up in attention, “Letters? When did he send you letters?” She then frowned. “Who even sends letters anymore, these days?”

Elsa actually laughed, a hand coming to cover it before she spoke. “Branko is about as stubborn as you are, plus he loves the feel of paper beneath his hand and under a pencil. As for when, he always sent them along with the gifts. Other times as well, sure, but typically along with a package of some sort.”

Hannah let her eyes drift down as she sighed. This was a lot more revelations about her estranged uncle than she expected, and they certainly changed things more than she thought they would. She was initially more than willing to keep Branko at arm’s length, since he’d seemed content to do the same for decades. But of course, the situation just couldn’t be that clear cut, could it? No, of course not…black and white would make it too easy, of course there’d be grey.

The hands that were still on her shoulders squeezed gently once more, and Hannah looked back up at her mother.

Elsa smiled gently as she brought up one hand to caress her daughter’s temple. “Please, go see him, I know for a fact he’s equal parts eager and scared to meet you.”

With a gulp and a tentative nod, Hannah Marie agreed.

A few hours later…

Hannah nervously entered the high-end bar where her mother had dropped her off to finally meet her uncle. While Elsa herself remained outside in the car, to be there for Hannah for whatever she needed, the younger woman had entered alone. The bar was by no means a shoddy establishment, and certainly had its fair share of wealthy patrons. Whatever it was her uncle did for a living, between the presents he’d sent and the college funds he’d set up—and the bar he chose for them to meet at—Branko clearly did not have much to want for.

Despite knowing what her uncle looked like, Hannah still took her time to search for him. Mostly because she was still terribly nervous to see him, let alone meet him, but partially because of the many strangers in the bar. It wasn’t a busy crowd at all, exactly, and was hardly bustling. But it was a greater number of strangers in one place than Hannah liked, that was for sure.

“Just focus on why you’re there, find your uncle, and stay close to him. He will protect you, I swear it.”

Her mother had told her because Hannah had exited the car, along with a reminder she’d be just out in the car if needed. Knowing that she had two points of safety greatly comforted her, even if one of those points were technically foreign. But if even half of what Elsa had said was true, then Branko had loved his nieces and nephew without even having met them.

On the drive over, Hannah’s mother had shared many tales of her and Anna’s childhood growing up with their elder brother. They’d been lovely and sweet stories indeed, and certainly helped to give Hannah a better impression of who her uncle was. Apparently, upon the respective births of his younger sisters, Branko had sworn to keep them safe—even at what was a young age, having been only four when Elsa had been born. That protective only grew stronger with him, even if the events caused those urges to be shaken and called into question.

But now, as Hannah slowly strode through the bar and searched for shaggy hair the color of her aunt’s but styled like her mother’s, the young girl hoped that same protection still counted for her now.

Especially when Hannah felt an unwelcomed touch on her shoulder from behind.

“What’s a small thing like you doing here, milady?”

The voice was far too high and scratchy to be her uncle’s, and so fear quickly rooted itself in Hannah’s stomach. Elsa had described even Branko’s voice, a comforting baritone that seemed like it could suit a noble dragon. This voice sounded more like it suited a snake, and Hannah was afraid that comparison would become all the truer.

She slowly turned around, and indeed, the man who loomed over her did not seem overly compassionate. His black hair was too thick with product, thin smile too fake, green eyes too lit with a sheen that all but made Hannah sick. The fact he was tall enough that she had to look up to meet his eyes didn’t help; he was probably a whole half-a-foot taller!

Hannah gulped as she struggled to remain calm. “I’m looking for someone, sir. If you’ll excuse me, I don’t wish to be late.”

As she tried to pull away, to Hannah’s mounting horror, the man’s grip only tightened. “Now now, whoever they are can wait a tick. ‘Sides, they can’t be all that great if they left a pretty thing like you all alone.”

Hannah’s eyes narrowed. “They didn’t leave me alone, I am here to meet them. Please, sir, he’ll be worried if I don’t find him.”

She tried to pull away again, but the grip just tightened more. The growing pressure caused Hannah to suppress a wince; either against the pain of the grip itself, her fear, or the pain in her chest…Hannah wasn’t sure anymore.

“Don’t be in such a hurry to leave a nice man, missy! You’re lucky I’m even–“

“Pray tell, why is she lucky, Gerald?!”

Hannah’s eyes widened at the voice that shouted out, and the fear melted as hope warmed her chest. That voice sounded almost exactly how she imagined it would. It had to be him, oh please, please, let it be him!

Both Hannah and the man, Gerald, looked up to where she’d initially been headed to see a beast of a man approach. The eyes of both widened, for different reasons; awe and fear, respectively. Hannah couldn’t help but be amazed that this man was the brother of her mother and aunt. He was so tall! Taller even than Gerald, and with a muscular frame that put every man in the bar to shame.

His auburn hair was loose and wavy, not unlike Elsa’s own blonde hair behaved, but was trimmed where it would’ve fallen into his sharp blue eyes. Those he certainly shared with his big little sister, though he’s all but burned as he glared at the man who now shrank away from Hannah. As he got closer, the young woman noted how the auburn hairs were accented by dusting of blonde, almost like how grey hair was, but…this was less grey and more platinum blonde, startingly similar to Elsa’s hair. They even both had dark eyebrows…

Hannah wasn’t sure if this strange mixture of red and blonde hair was natural, or, given how the colors mixed, if Branko’s hair was naturally blonde and it’d just been awhile since he re-dyed it red. Either way, it harkened to both of his little sisters, and the familiarity eased Hannah’s fragile heart. As Branko all but snarled at the man who was getting farther and farther from her, Hannah noted the blonde goatee and beard combo that encompassed almost all of her uncle’s face.

None of the facial hair had hints of red; perhaps, then, he had once dyed his head red?

That mystery was irrelevant, though, as Branko protectively got in-between Hannah and Gerald, the latter all but relieving himself before the greater man.

“I-I just meant, er, um–nothing! No reason, Branko, I swear! I was just, uh, helping her! Yeah! The little lady was just looking for someone, and I–”

Branko cut him off with a dismissive wave and a growl, the former action further likening him to Elsa in Hannah’s eyes.

“Don’t even bother, Gerald! That was the laziest bloody attempt at fabricating and excuse I’ve ever heard. Now, get your skinny, useless ass out of here, before I show you the meaning of my own personal definition of gobsmacked!”

Without another word, Gerald scurried out of the bar, his metaphorical tail all but one with his legs.

The crowd, strangely enough, had paid no heed to the show beyond a few scattered chuckles. Apparently, this was normal, and ended how everyone expected. With the sorry man taken care of, Branko sighed, only to mysterious stiffen as Hannah watched. His back was still to her, and just now the blonde noticed he was dressed far more causally than most of the bar’s patrons. While most all of them wore suits, Branko was clad in fine black jeans, a dark blue long-sleeved collared shirt—the sleeves of which were rolled up, its collar pressed down—and a deep red ascot.

When Branko made no move to turn around, for reasons Hannah could easily guess, she decided to make the first move. She carefully approached him, and raised a hand to gently touch his strong forearm. The man all but startled at her touch, but didn’t whirl around suddenly. Rather, he slowly, oh so slowly, turned his head to glance at her other a broad shoulder. As their eyes met, his eyes to very blue compared to her greenish blue ones, and Hannah’s heart melted at what she saw in his.

He almost seemed afraid…but she could swear she saw hope somewhere.

Hannah took a deep breath and smiled her gentlest smile. “Hi…I’m Hannah Marie…A-Anderson.”

Branko sucked in a sharp breath, and held it for so long Hannah feared he was going to pass out. But then he slowly let it out, and smiled wide a she did so. Finally her turned to properly face her, and to Hannah’s surprise he bowed, so not terribly deeply.

“Branko Kasun Anderson, always at your service.” As he rose from his bow, his smile wavered. “If you’ll have me, that is…”

Without wasting a moment, Hannah leapt forward to hug the strong, barrel chest of her long-lost uncle.

“Only if you’ll forgive me for trying to hate you…” She whispered softly, fearfully, pleadingly against his shirt.

To her great relief, she felt strong arms gently shelter her as she clung ever tighter.

“Forgive me for letting my pride keep me away, and for daring to wait till now to meet you, and you have a deal, my little princess.”

Thanks to the stories Elsa’d shared in the car, Hannah knew immediately the source of the pet-name. Growing up, the trio of Branko, Anna, and Elsa had played games of royals when they were young. No doubt, Branko now saw Elsa as a queen to the princess she’d been when they were kids. Now, Hannah was his princess…a title she never knew she wanted till now.

An idea came to the blonde, and she excitedly pulled back and looked up at Branko’s face. “Good sir! Your service is needed outside, this instant!”

A big, almost smug grin arose on her uncle’s bearded face. “Lead the way, your highness.”

Hannah watched happily from the passenger seat as she had her own private viewing of a reunion long in the making. The sight of her mother clinging desperately but oh so happily to her dearly missed brother all but made Hannah cry herself. Yes, her mother was crying; but they were tears of relief and joy, shed as well by the brother who held her tight. As she watched the precious reunion, it occurred to Hannah…she was the only one of her siblings who yet knew of their uncle. Rynar, Eira, and Charlotte had yet to be told…she only knew because she’d picked up hints of Branko’s existence, and asked.

But Hannah knew which of her siblings would most love to meet their reclaimed uncle.

I can’t wait to tell Charlotte…

#Frozen OC Exchange #Frozen OC #Birger #Hannah Marie #Elsa #Elsa X Birger #because there's a little bit of it so I ish tagging it so #I had an easier time writing this then I thought I would #I imagine Elsa and Birger just held my hands and dragged me lol #they are my muses and my tormentors #bee escreve historias

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sinsiriuslyemo · 7 years ago

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I hope I'm not unfriendly right now, but could you write a HC for Barba and a pregnant law student s/o?

Not unfriendly at all! I’ll be honest, I have trouble seeing Rafael with someone so young. I don’t think he would date someone younger than maybe 27 or 28 and that’s pushing it, because they would be in completely different places in their lives. However, I hope you still enjoy this HC

He met her at his favorite bar, where she works part-time to pay for law school, and even though she’s only twenty four when they meet, he ends up talking to her the entire night while she tends bar. She takes him home that night, and they have a one night stand.

Any time he goes back to the bar, however, if she’s working, they talk while she works and he drinks. She asks him for tips on how to get through law school without tearing her own hair out, he regails her with tales from his own law school days.

About three months later, she comes to see him at work to tell him that she’s pregnant. He’s floored; not only had they used protection that night, but they haven’t slept together since. He can already hear his mother in his head, Oye, it only takes one time, payaso. Condoms break, idiota.

Like the stand up guy that I know my girl Lucia raised, he steps up, and promises to help her with the baby. He’s a little reluctant for them to start dating because she’s so much younger than he is, and they’re simply at two different places in their lives, but considering the fact that they’re in each other’s lives forever now, he considers giving a relationship a chance if that’s what she wants.

He never says as much though, he lets her lead the nature of their relationship because he feels responsible for derailing her plans of becoming a lawyer after she finishes law school--even though neither of them could have foreseen that she would get pregnant.

Luckily she’s able to finish before she gives birth, and graduates on time, with honors because she’s an overachiever.

He goes with her to every doctor’s appointment, and even pays for them since he knows that she works to pay for her bills and student loans. He also helps her with buying the more expensive baby items (which is almost everything) like the crib, dresser, changing table, diapers, etc and offers to let her stay at his place right after the baby’s born so he can help her as much as he can.

He’d go to every birthing class, sit through every lecture she wanted to bring him to and would of course be there for the delivery, holding her hand, fluffing her pillow, getting her ice chips---anything she needs while she brings the baby into the world.

Eventually, after the baby begins to sleep through the night and eat solids, he would even volunteer to take care of the baby while she took the bar and then, after she passes, looked for a job at a firm. He’d be a little skeptical because he would hate the idea of a nanny raising his baby, but just as she wouldn’t ask him to give up his career to be a stay-at-home dad, he would never ask that of her, so he doesn’t say anything. Besides, Lucia all but throws herself into their lap as a possible babysitter, and he’s okay with abuela watching/helping raise the baby.

Whether they ever ended up together or not, they would be amazing co parents. That child would never go unloved.

Now, with all this in mind, if we’re talking about Barba is also a law student. That’s a different story. In this case, they would be dating, though things may go a little differently since he’s not as financially stable as he is now...

In this case, he would freak out at first. I mean let’s face it, the guy is in law school, trying to do better for himself, and here he goes being careless and getting his girlfriend pregnant. I mean, that would be his mindset at first anyway. But they used a condom, it’s likely that the rubber broke and they just didn’t realize it. Either way, it isn’t either of their faults and he knows that.

So if she wanted to keep the baby (he would secretly hope she doesn’t, though he would never say as much to her), he would do everything he could to be there for her.

His place is not that big, but he would invite her to move in anyway so that they could share an income and better save for the arrival of their baby. He would scour every newspaper and second hand store he could find within a twenty miles radius for baby items that they would need, and he would of course accompany her to every doctor’s appointment.

Their money would be tight, so she would agree to let him finish school first so that he can get a good paying job afterward and move them into a bigger place with the baby. Then after they’ve caught up on all their debt, he agrees to take over watching the baby so that she can go back to school.

They move back to New York because his mom is there, and she can watch the baby while he works and she goes to school, then he picks up their baby after work from his moms and watches the infant at night so that his SO can get her school work done.

It isn’t easy, but they’re a good team, and they make it work.

When she graduates, he takes the day off and brings the baby to watch her walk across the stage. He also offers to help prepare her for the bar so that she can also get a good job like he was able to.

All of this struggle made their relationship much stronger than when it had started out, and they stay together, and eventually decide to get married so that they can share things like health care, and file jointly for taxes.

When their child is older, he and his SO would love telling them stories about how they started dating, and a little surprise made them such a strong, tight-knit family, and how they could never imagine their lives without their baby.

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simptasia · 7 years ago

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Kateclaire and the science squad?

AHH bless you, my faves!! thank you very much!!

kate/claire

when or if I started shipping it:

i honestly don’t remember but i do know that kate/claire didn’t come into my mind during my first watch of the show, it was an afterwards thing. or perhaps… season 6? season 6 made kate/claire shippers of us all, really

my thoughts:

restless, passionate…

my thoughts are, best ship, end game. i genuinely believe they ended up together after the finale (it’s canon they at least LIVE together, raising a son)

i think they love each other, and that people can have multiple soulmates damn it (i don’t care if thats not how it hurts, multiple soulmates!!!). to me, kate really comes across as bi (and i think evie was doing that on purpose, but thats just a theory) and like, claire is bi-who-thought-she-was-straight

Straight Until Kate…. fucking poetry

they’re honestly like, my (non-canon) OTP. and what with LOST lacking lgbta+ diversity, the show would’ve been much stronger if they made ‘em canon bi

buuuut whatever i guess…. we got a lotta handholding. and also the last third of kate’s character arc is dedicated to her (and one could argue, claire was a part of kate’s arc all along) and, i say this all the time but, CLAIRE IS THE REASON KATE WENT BACK TO THAT FUCKING HELL ISLAND. she found the idea of going back to be disgusting and horrible but gosh damn it, claire needed to be rescued. nobody else was gonna do it, apparently. also i’m pretty sure nobody knew is claire was alive or not at this point but kate went back anyways

the completion of kate’s character arc (not running away, accepting responsibility, opening up to the idea of family) is because of claire & aaron!!

also it’s ironic how i imagine claire doesn’t know she’s bi considering she’s the one making the moves. (that starsign scene, the hand holding…)

kate/claire = proactive sunshine femme astrology bi + tomboy hiking butch i’ve never had a job and relationships scare me but i love everyone bi

What makes me happy about them:

that it would take very little adjustment to make them canon

that kate looks 40% butcher anytime she’s near claire (and the inverse, claire looking 40% more femme. she practically glows)

the height difference

kate is so so protective over claire (kate being protective over other women is legit one of my fave things about kate)

a few days into the crash, the first time claire has ever interacted with kate and she correctly guesses that she’s a gemini and that she’s “restless” and “passionate”. A. great observation skills and B. THATS GAY!!!!

THEY’RE LEGIT CANON GONNA RAISE A SON TOGETHER (two sons, if you include my david austen theory)

that they triggered each other’s memories in limbo. that is genuinely one of the best writing decisions ever, like it’s impressive. whoever decided that they would remember together (instead of the expected jack/kate, and charlie/claire - which happens later because MULTIPLE SOULMATES) is a fucking genius. as a writer, audience member and a sapphic, i fucking applaud you

oh and that their connecting scene was the birth of aaron. such an important event to both of them. and it’s kinda foreshadowing at how they’re gonna be mums together

What makes me sad about them:

not canon [sad horn noises]

other than that, very lovely

things done in art/fic that annoys me:

there’s not an abundance of this sorta thing…?

things I look for in art/fic:

FOR IT TO EXIST

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

jack for kate, charlie for claire. of course

My happily ever after for them:

living together, married, raising two boys, honorary aunties to ji yeon, clementine, charlie (hume), dani, izzie & lara. (some of those are OCs!)

claire is an artist for a living (i thinking an illustrator) and i can’t imagine what job kate would or could get. as i’ve said she’s never had a job before… what would she do? gasp… is SHE the housewife? that’s kinda cute. there’s pictures of charlie and jack on the wall, and they are honoured as aaron & david’s fathers and as heroes

kate knows what it’s like to be in a family that doesn’t involve pain and abuse, claire eventually feels safe as the nightmares become less and less. they both have absolute trust in each other which is quite a feat for those two

[happy sigh]

what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

claire likes to paint and draw. kate isn’t much of an artist but claire is encouraging (imagine kate getting blushy over claire’s praise)

listening/singing to music together

claire encourages kate to take up yoga. it’s relaxing. takes a bit to get used to it tho because kate is restless (more of a rock climbing kinda gal)

yeah basically i imagine they do a lot of exercise-y things together

i was gonna say camping too but claire probably never wants to see trees and tents ever again… so avoid that

daniel/charlotte/miles

when or if I started shipping it

the earliest sci team shippy post i made, that i could find, is like from 2013. so maybe during my first watch? or shortly after. somewhere there

my thoughts:

okay so i’ve thought about this and i’ve realised that sci trio shipping is beloved as a concept, especially by me. whilst in canon, this supposed team doesn’t do a lot of teaming. basically my imagination has built them up to be more than what they actually are. and not just in a romantic way. they’re more friends in my head than in the actual show. it’s a tad disappointing actually. see, in the show the science team (the whole thing) is barely a thing. they drop out the sky, the show tries to convince they’re untrustworthy, and then sorta forgets they’re meant to be like colleagues and friends? or at least doesn’t pay attention to that

(miles is given no reactions to char and dan’s deaths. which is FUCKED. i blame writing and direction because no fucking way is this ken leung’s fault. i also blame time constraints which is the biggest reason for lack of sci team stuff)

the dynamic most focused on is dan and charlotte (ah, love..). so throwing miles in there is wishful thinking (i love miles) on my part. because interactions between dan/miles and miles/char in canon? little and none, in that order

but the IDEA is nice

i’m in love with IDEA of these things:

two nerds and a “jeez these nerds” guy (like he isn’t a ghostbusters fan)

a polite timid nerd, a loud passionate nerd and a snarky sardonic cynic

two sciences and a magic

miles being annoyed by, slightly jealous of and wanting in on dan/char

sweet dan in love with people with “bad attitudes” (his words. translation: okay i love you but you’re being bitchy right now and it’s not helping)

char getting the best of both worlds, in my opinion (sugar and salt)

children of the island OT3

being smooshed between people whom look like rebecca mader and ken leung is honestly the best situation you can be in. godspeed dan

and basically i use their personalities (or exaggerated versions of such. espech with charlotte) to project this relationship upon them

TL;DR: barely any sci team interactions in canon, but i adore the ship anyways

What makes me happy about them:

oh shit i make that list up there too early

in general, it feels good? and like theres a lot i can do with it. like i’ve said, i love the concept of their dynamic. like, putting these personalities together is fun!

also

miles uses his powers and dan is immediately on board which means either miles told him on the boat or dan just takes miles at his word without hesitation. both are very plausible and also great

oh and my gosh, my fave thing? these people had possibly months on a boat together off screen. we didn’t get like, any sci team content on screen but thank you for that fanfic/imagination fuel, writers

none of them moved on in the finale which gives me a place to ship them… so basically they’re only shippable outside of the island… huh

char and miles were friends in limbo (thank heavens for small miracles) and thats a great concept. and it also means with char meeting dan in the finale, the TRIANGLE IS COMPLETE. THEY MAY NOW JOIN

that thing dan does where he touches/pets everybody near him? yeah, does that with miles, which isn’t remarkable. miles, like char, doesn’t seem to mind or flinch. which is interesting cuz you’d think miles would react to that. true none of the characters react to dan’s petting (???how) but idc

dan rans to char, pets her hair, face and arms and asks if she’s alright. miles, who is standing near by, says “i’m okay, too”. that sounds like something i would write for them but that actually happened in the show

i like the idea that dan/char (and later sawyer/juliet) make miles reluctantly realise he does want love in his life, which leads to miles/richard one day. this has nothing to do with anything in the show. legit all of that sentence is based on headcanons. and thats a summary of shipping dan/char/miles

uhm… they’re fucking pretty

i’ve slowly made them more and more kinky over time. that makes me happy. it’s also funny

the fact that dan is the tallest of the three and he’s 5 foot 9

i’m certain they’ve all dealt with ableism in their lives. i just like things in common, espech angst things

everything. everything makes me happy about them. even the sad stuff

What makes me sad about them:

tho again, i wish the show remembered these people are friends

on that note, two of miles friend’s died. the show didn’t show him caring but i of course imagine he did. miles has walls but he’s not a cunt

all of ‘em had a fucked up thing happen with a parent (wait no, that’s not an OT3 thing, that’s just a lost is like that thing. anyways, sad)

i have this headcanon that miles is cynical about love (and relationships and romance) cuz like, due to his powers, he grew up with this fucked up perception of death. and throughout he’s seen people absolutely devastated about losing a loved one. this includes dan losing char, sawyer losing jules, and miles himself losing his mum. basically love hurts and he’s decided that pain isn’t worth the temporary amount of happiness. i imagine miles’ bad attitude towards life is caused by this way of thinking. we’re all gonna die, so why bother? only possessions stay so $$$$

….and there’s my miles meta, wow

things done in art/fic that annoys me:

now, sci team content is like, none but i’ve noticed a trend among fandom… their personalities being flanderized a tad too much. and yeah i do that too but i mean

dan being innocent, naive and humourless. we have no reason to assume the first two and fuck no he is humourless. dan has funny lines, he’s just subtle. innocent and naive? maybe kinda. i personally portray dan as innocent and naive in COMPARISON to char & miles (and most other characters). like, the vanilla to their kinky. but again, just by comparison. he’s not totally oblivious. plus he’s a quick learner and can pick up context. i know this all comes from him being so nonthreatening (also it’s a symptom of woobifying. and is also very mildly ableist in this context)

char being a constantly angry shrill bitch. i’m most annoyed by this one. i have some words about this. yes, a couple of times char got angry/bitchy. and it stuck out to people because she’s a woman. as somebody who has analysed like, every moment she’s been on screen, lemme tell you: she is not constantly angry. in fact, when i needed a cap of her looking angry for an art thing, IT WAS GENUINELY HARD TO FIND ONE. char is also very nice to the survivors until they start being mean to her. also she got shot in the chest, i’d be annoyed too. but the most part, char is actually rather pleasant. she’s just… loud. and has a bit of temper. but most of her screentime is with dan, so for the most part she’s soft and sweet with him. because love. i’m annoyed by all this because to this day, within fandom, char is remembered as the angry bitch who died of nosebleeds. fuck y’all, she’s a passionate, polyglottal, determined nerd with a shorter than average fuse and whom loves daniel faraday and chocolate. i know she didn’t get a lot as a character but being remembered for a trait that doesn’t even describe her doesn’t help. like, yeah, my section of the fandom has her be a chocolate obsessed mega trekkie who’s super kinky. is it self-indulgent? fuck yeah (and im proud) but it’s better than seeing her as a constant bitch because she got justifiably angry a few times

ahem anyways

miles as a constant deadpan snarker. okay i see where this comes from, my brain does it too, but miles is not daria. he has tones and inflections. when he isn’t resting grump face, he’s quite emotive. also he has feelings. inside he is very sad. also he cares about his friends. basically he’s not always deadpan. most importantly, miles is an asshole. yes. but he’s not an ASSHOLE. you get me? like, he’s a snarky dick to people but he’s not actually genuinely a bad mean person. this is kinda the point of his character. like his snark is a defense mechanism for his issues. miles would never be an actual (and ableist) cunt to say, hurley or dan. he just has issues connecting with people due to his powers and internal conflict

basically:

dan isn’t a delicate perfect flower of innocence, char isn’t angry all of the time and being a bitch isn’t her entire character, and miles is actually (eventually) a good person who cares and emotes. i’ve seen ken’s face do things, ya know

things I look for in art/fic:

any art and fic of them existing would be nice (points at my icon)

and in fic, as with anything, i’d like it to be in character. and like, boat times, limbo times, it’s all good. have it anyways. also i’ve found like zero fic

there used to be loads of lost fics, but most of ‘em were purged in 2010

[the saddest violin]

• Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

miles/richard is another pairing i love, and thats how i imagine miles lives his life

• My happily ever after for them:

they all live together in limbo land, in dan’s penthouse. basically 80% of my sci team imagination center (the part of my brain specifically dedicated to the science team) is spent in that house. a great dymantic and lots of sex ensues

also piano. also rats. also char has a cat named jean-luc. it hates miles

fuck, i just realised between dan being a musician/sort of scientist, char being an anthropologist and miles being a detective, that penthouse is gonna be FULL of stacks of paper laying around… the sci team personally killed the rainforest

• what is their favorite non-sexual activity?

PLAY US A SONG YOU’RE THE PIANO MAN

watching tv together

i’ve pictured ‘em doing most domestic activities… right now i keep imagining them eating breakfast together in their underwear

showers

dan likes to draw on his lover’s bodies (music notes, equations, cute little pics of rats. miles says dan’d make a decent tattoo artist)

and holy shit get dan and char going, they can talk for hours. and miles can just sorta follow it (and throw in quips) but he loves ‘em anyways

#lost headcanons #sapphicartsandwriting #i went on for like.... 5 years #ahah almost literally #i mean i wrote a lot #like a lot #theres good meta here

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ianmmori · 7 years ago

Text

One Year On

I spent the better part of the last few months leading up to this day, trying to think how properly to eulogize my father; in an effort to make up for my hackneyed and overly symbolic attempt at one at his funeral, my voice, usually booming and confident, having had the emotional restraint depressed upon me by a heavy heart, sounded wispy and distant to all in attendance in the church that day nearly a year ago. I know how I feel about it all, how I feel about him, how I feel about everything that's led up to this point, and I've definitely got enough words to spare. It's just, well, exactly what do you say? What can one say in this situation? How much should you say? I am not writing this only for me, as a therapeutic means to deal with my father's death (which I can openly say, I have yet to really face), or only for him, to enumerate his influence and his finer points in honor of his memory. I am writing this for both of those things but for anyone else wanting to read it, anyone else who has felt alone, depressed, sad, anxious, or suicidal.

On a cool, clear Saturday morning one year ago at around 7AM, just as dawn was breaking, my father stepped out of the front door of the first and only house my family has ever owned; he walked around the corner between our house and the two story house adjacent, walked to the end of the building, and with a 9mm in hand, ended his life.

My mother heard the shot and woke up immediately. Didn't know what it was. Looked around the house, then saw the front door was unlocked. She went outside and found him. She ran back in, called for me. Her voice propelled me from my heavy sleep, her words still clear now as they were a year ago.

"Come outside, quick, your dad shot himself."

Everything moved so fast after that.

Seeing him there. Taking it in. His body smaller than I remember it being. Calling 911. The woman on the other side of the phone, asking me over and over where we were. "Between the two houses," I kept saying. The sirens in the distance. Neighbors coming out. Police tape. Statements. Detectives. Coroners. And by noon, everyone had gone. Our family of three was now two, and in that moment, all mom and I could do was look at each other. No tears, not yet, just the unreal sense of everything suddenly becoming not what we had known it to be all of our lives.

I texted all my friends, they called me, and in hours they were at my house. The gravity was immense, both in seriousness and in weight. My legs felt sluggish and my heart felt heavy. Despite being a family who had lost a major member in the last few hours, my surrogate family, the family I grew up along with through life, came to my aid as well as my mother's. Thank you Audrey, Lisa, Michael, Paula, Justin, and Jeff and Lisa Butler for coming that day. It meant more than you know, and it still means a lot now that I call all of you more than just friends, but also family. I know that I've lost touch in the last year with each and every single one of you, lost touch because of everything that has happened and it's becoming now ridiculously apparent that I do need each of you in my life to give it some sort of balance, I just haven't really known how to do that; who I am now feels like a desperate attempt to keep hold of who I once was without the understanding of who I am at all, as a result of the past year. I have floated on every emotion a human being could be capable of, and I'm sorry that I haven't extended my hand to seek refuge in your friendship since that day. I just don't know how to anymore.

Everything that came after that, how my mom and I dealt with everything, was, to put it mildly, the hardest thing.

Mom had a mental break. Both my parents suffer from Bipolar Disorder, my mother usually tending to be more manic than depressed, and my father battled both the high of mania and the low of depression. Despite her sister visiting and a trip to the Philippines to try and help, my mother wasn't herself for nearly 8 months afterwards, still struggles in the day to day now. Psychiatrists played pop quiz with medications and discussions, trying to find the right balance. Mom, between her uncharacteristic and emotional tirades and behavior, her unmanageable decisions, and her utter disregard for how her actions influenced my emotional and mental state, it wasn't until late February the following year she realized that she wasn't okay, she wasn't in control, and that this had really happened. We had so many arguments, so many fights. She'd talk my ear off for hours about nothing in particular, regaling me with the exploits and the achievements of distant relatives and long since passed ones, without any real point to what she was saying. She'd concoct conspiracies, make up facts, and yell at me for no reason. She'd blame me openly for my father's death. Blame random people. Blame herself. Say he was still alive somewhere. That he wasn't in an urn in the foyer and it was just sand. She was losing her grip on reality.

A year on, I see her in the kitchen sometimes, wistfully staring out the windows as she sits in her chair. She's more herself now than she had been in the past year, more in control and back to some sort of normal, albeit understandably quieter. Sadder. Only recently has she found things that she used to do for fun pleasant and enjoyable once again. She goes out to work out. She goes to her retirees' luncheons. She's reading. She watches television. For a time she didn't, and would sleep for hours, upset at anything she blames as a distraction, a distraction to her seeing the signs when dad was still around.

There were signs. Signs that dad might do something like this. Small things and big things. An overwhelming sadness.

Dad was a poor communicator. He wasn't one to talk about his feelings much, and when he had, they'd be a burst of unintelligible and unorganized thought that my mother and I wouldn't know how to take it or interpret it. We should have though, should have tried, despite not getting it at the time. The guilt of not properly addressing how my father felt will stay with me until my final day. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think that I should have said more, done more for him.

I took a leave from work at the bars for 7 months. Mostly to help mom. I tried my best to find my own normalcy. The only thing that did feel normal was my relationship, and even that is completely unconventional.

Some of you know that my girlfriend, Lucy, is from and lives in the UK. From the day that we first started talking until this very moment, writing this (we're actually on a Skype call, she's asleep, it's just now breaking dawn there and it's nearly 3AM here), she has been my rock, my anchor, and my savior through everything. After my dad, I didn't have the strength to keep myself up, and without asking, without needing any prompt or reason aside from her love for me, my partner, my Lucy, was there for me. She is my best friend, my person, my confidant, and she has kept me going all this time. From 4208.4 miles away, she's capable of this. From all the way in Wales, she is by far the best thing to ever happen to me, my light in my dark. We have seen such ridiculous highs when we are together, the world falling away and happiness being more than possible, but real and incredible. We have seen such lows: fighting, finding balance, dealing, struggling, not just with the distance, but the depression I felt but wasn't aware of. She encouraged me to seek therapy. She listened to me late into the night. She sacrificed her days and her livelihood for my betterment, and for that, I am forever grateful and ever penitent, in hopes I can make up for any pain I caused her in my battle with my depression.

I have suffered with depression all my life, and to unwittingly suffer parallel to my father, neither of us understanding the other, it comes still as a shock that my father was even capable of feeling depression at all.

Being of Asian ancestry, mental health and wellness isn't something discussed, properly understood, or even regarded as an issue. Things like sadness, depression, anxiety, and stress are all seen as weaknesses. There is food on the table, a roof over your head, and a bunch of things for you to do for fun, why are you sad? I could hear my dad, a stronger dad, asking a younger me. Will, determination, discipline, duty, these are things that overcame adversity, strengths that kept a strong, first generation Filipino-American on the right track for success. There was no room for sadness. No room for discussion. The sacrifices my parents had to endure to give me the opportunities in a country full of them that they never had instilled a sense of guilt-filled responsibility to make the most of their choices in life within my own life. Depression was an affront, a tarnish to their legacy, so what I felt, my sadness and my fear, I kept in me for two decades, and kept on. Moved forward somehow. Cried at night, wandered the streets when I learned to drive. Tried to find happiness where I could to keep me going.

All my life, dad was strong. He was the strongest man I knew. He was stubborn, particular, ambitious, rude, and forthright. He walked with his chest out. He asked friends and family to feel his muscles. He told crude jokes and laughed when he farted. He had a damn good laugh, a laugh I inherited. He loved Jackie Chan films and Nat King Cole. His favorite song was "What a Wonderful World," by Louis Armstrong. He was so bad at karaoke. He always wanted to be his own boss. He loved fishing. He loved shoes and watches, again, something else I inherited from him. He was quick to anger when I was younger. He tend to yell to get his way. After his heart attack in 2004, he calmed down, took to easier jobs that didn't put so much strain on his body. His body ached. He had back problems and stomach problems and heart problems. He lifted and built and cleaned and repaired. He was always working with his hands. He could make anything. He was a proficient and accomplished artist and could draw anything, but no one knew that about him. He was a damn good cook. He loved Chinese food. He was always on the lookout for the best hot and sour soup. He cared. I found out from many who came for his funeral or talked to me after his passing that he helped a lot of people when he was younger, a man who taught me to take care of myself more than taking care of others for fear that I'd be taken advantage of because of my selflessness and good will. I can only assume someone had done that to him, but I'll never know. He was a good neighbor. He was kind to friends, helpful to family, but wary of strangers. He had a strong grip, but the finesse to counter it; he pushed his pen down hard, but his signature was the most beautiful I had ever seen. He loved cars. He hated sharp smells and dirty floors. He was always picking his teeth. He wore a ridiculous amount of jewelry. He told stories lavishly. He talked a lot, but always waited his turn. He was a hard worker. He was a good father.

I can't say exactly why he did it. It's been a year and I still haven't found anything. I've been through his things, through the files, on his phone, his computer, every nook and cranny he could have been in, but he never left a note. Never expressed exactly why, and all mom and I can do is speculate. Was it entirely a silent sadness, a depression he never could properly express to us? Was it his difficulty articulating his feelings as he's always had? Had his strength, his will, his determination, had it slowly evolved into silence to spare us? Was his physical pain so unbearable, all his heart and back and muscle problems, was all of it so out of control and so well hidden? Many mornings have I sat across from mom, coffee in hand, a heaviness in the room, asking the same questions over and over, to no avail. We will never know. Never know for sure.

How I feel now about all of it, a year on, can't really be summed up briefly, but I'll do my best to. I accept it, accept what he did, and I forgive it. I hope he can forgive me, forgive me for everything I could have done and should have done to prevent this. I struggle with guilt, even before dad. I feel as though everything is my fault, or I take the blame in times of conflict because I subconsciously think it'll diffuse the situation faster and resolve the problem easier, and most of the time it does, but in reality, I am not guilty, but I convince myself I am. It's self destructive, and after dad, I did it nearly every day, and I'm sorry to Lucy, but she bore the brunt of my guilt and my self deprecation. She worked so hard to build me back up, safe to say that with her help, I've managed. It doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty. I do, I just manage it. I'm sad as well, and I manage that. I feel lonely a lot, especially late at night; I'm a bartender and I keep late hours. Most of my friends are asleep before 2AM, and by then if I work, I'm just getting off, and if I'm off, I'm wide awake. Lucy is 5 hours ahead, so she's definitely asleep until it's about nearly dawn for me here. Mom goes to bed at 11PM like clockwork. I'm left to ponder in my solitude from just around midnight, nearly every night, until just before dawn, and after 32 years of being on the planet I've realized that I don't do so great on my own. After dad, even more so.

In all admittance, I still have depression, but the only reason I can capably deal with it is because I manage it.

My therapist likes that word: manage. She told me that getting over things, dealing with things, that's almost pushing it all aside to try and focus your energy and your efforts on something else. Imagine a coffee table with stuff on it: bills, paid for or past due, some trinkets and baubles from your time abroad, a book you're reading, one you're not, a photo, a notepad with stuff scribbled on it, an empty bowl and a half-empty mug, a box of tissues, guff on top of guff on top of guff. You've got LIFE to do, so you push all of that nonsense out of the way, clear the table, and put LIFE on it. You know, all that stuff, it's on the floor now. It's not gone, it's there. It's still going to be there when you decide that you're going to take a break from doing LIFE and decide you need that bowl, that photo, that notepad. Hell, you might even accidentally step on all of that trying to get around LIFE. The things that are there, the feelings you feel, they shouldn't be ignored or put aside, they should be acknowledged. They shouldn't be dealt with, but understood, and understood to the best of your ability because, sometimes, we don't even understand how we feel. It's about managing all the heavy bits, and perhaps, rather than casting it aside or attempting to put it behind us, find strength as a result of how we feel through the management of things like anxiety, depression, fear, or sadness.

I'll never know why my father decided to end his life. I can guess, but I'll never know for sure. What I do know is what it has taught me, what he has taught me: life is precious. We get one go of it, and that's it. We aren't invincible. We fragile things full of fire. We must care and be kind and be honest and good to one another. We must hope. His last act, his last lesson, was one I interpret for myself. Life must go on, it does get better, and no one is truly alone.

I miss you, dad. You voice is still in my head, guiding me, telling me right from wrong. I wish I could have done right by you and I'm sorry I didn't. All I can do now is make sure no one else has to.

If you're out there and you feel alone, you aren't. Anyone, anyone out there that's reading this, I assure you, we care. We all care. You are important, you mean something, and whatever it is that pushes you down or holds you back, it will be okay. It may not seem it now, but it will be. The darkness doesn't have to be real anymore, you don't have to wade through it. If you are suffering, please, please please please tell someone. We do care. We want to help. We are here for you.

You are not alone.

I'm listening.

#you are not alone

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