#Because he thinks theraflu works on anything

[fckinwild-kiwi]

Dec. 5th: Lean on Me

Day 5: Caring for them when they’re sick/Admiring them all dressed up

Here is day Five of @comp-lady’s Domestic December writing challenge!

Warnings: Swearing (This is an 18+ blog, minors dni)   Word Counts: 1.2k+ Words Pairings: Eddie Munson x Reader

A/n: The characters in this story are in their 20s but still living at home, because the economy sucks and rent is expensive. Nobody is in high school, except the younger kids in the party!

It was not often that Eddie was stuck in bed. The boy had a continued need to prove he was capable of taking care of you, not that you ever needed a demonstration. There was never a moment he made you question his ability to be a caring or dependable partner. And though communicating your feelings and thoughts was becoming easier between the two of you, Eddie still struggled to admit when he needed help. So when you called to talk to him after dinner, you were startled to hear the poor boy with a sickly voice behind the receiver.

“Hello,” you heard grumble through the phone.  

“Baby?” You questioned, noticing the unusual grit in your boyfriend’s voice. “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m fine, sweetheart,” came muffled from Eddie. “Just have a headache, I’ll be fine in a few hours.”

“Okay, Eds,” You hesitated, before continuing, “Do you need me to bring you anything? We just finished dinner, I was going to start homework but that can wait.”

“Course not babe,” Eddie choked out, trying to mask a groan.

“Get some rest, handsome,” You sighed, hanging up before letting your parents know you were heading over to Eddie’s. Before leaving, you picked the phone back up. “Wayne?”

“What do ya need, darlin’?” Wayne said into the receiver, his voice perking up at your voice.

“I’m about to head over to check on Eddie, I think I’m going to get him some soup and medicine. While I was out I wanted to check on you too. Are you feeling okay? Do you need me to grab anything at the store for you while I’m there?”

“Eddie better keep you around forever,” Wayne joked, dodging your question.

“Wayne, I’m being serious,” You scolded. “I want to make sure you’re taken care of too.”

“I’m feeling fine, darlin’. I wouldn’t mind coming home to a donut or two in the morning though.”

“I can do a donut or two,” You said, smiling into the receiver before continuing. “Have a great night at work, the donuts will be on top of the stove when you get home.”

“Thank you, hun,” Wayne said slowly before hanging up. 

Quickly grabbing your jacket and car keys, you rushed out the door, to head to the grocery store. It was hard to determine what Eddie was dealing with or what was hurting him since he decided to be so nonchalant and keep his struggles to himself. So to cover all the bases, you grabbed Tylenol, TheraFlu, Sudafed, PeptoBismol, and NyQuil to be safe. You could narrow down exactly what he needed when you got there. In addition to the mediations, you walked around the store to find the ingredients for homemade chicken soup, a surefire way to make Eddie feel his best, and some Gatorade to refuel his electrolytes. Then lastly, the donuts for Wayne because he deserved to be taken care of too.

10 minutes later and with a bag full of groceries, you knocked on the door to the trailer trying not to drop anything. “No one is home!” You heard through the door.

“Eddie, baby,” You said loudly to get it through the door. “It’s me, please open up!”

“My sweetheart,” You heard Eddie say as the door swung open. “What are you doing here? You should be at home, I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Let’s get one thing straight, Munson” You mumbled, pushing past the curly-headed boy to get into the trailer. “You deserve to be taken care of too! What the fuck is up with you Munson men trying to avoid help at all costs. My god!”

“Woah,” Eddie said, wide-eyed, as he closed the door behind you.

“Just let me take care of you,” You whispered, looking up at the sickly-looking boy before you. 

“Okay.”

With the green light given, you quickly got to work assessing Eddie’s pain and discomfort level. With a quick workup, you settled on giving him some nighttime TheraFlu so he could start relaxing while you cooked the soup. After getting all of the veggies into the pot to sauté and shredding the rotisserie chicken, you walked into the living room of the trailer, bringing the small cup of medicine to Eddie with a Gatorade.

“Here, I’m hoping this will start to take some of the discomfort away,” You said, passing the medicine over so you could open the Gatorade up. 

“Ugh, that’s so gross,” Eddie whined, snatching the Gatorade from you to wash away the artificial fruit flavor of the liquid medication. 

“I know baby,” You said, sitting next to the sick boy before pulling him into your lap to relax. “It will make you feel so much better though.”

You sat there for a few minutes, Eddie lying in your lap as you ran your fingers through his hair reassuringly. “I think that alone could cure me,” Eddie moaned out.

“Let me finish making the soup real quick, and then we’ll get you showered and I’ll play with your hair and rub your back as you go to sleep.”

After untangling yourself from Eddie and getting him situated on the couch, you went to the kitchen to combine the rest of the ingredients. “Baby,” You called from the kitchen. “Do you think you can make it to the bathroom? I have a feeling the soup will be ready around the same time as your shower.”

“Yeah, I think so,” Eddie groaned from the living room as he began the process of pulling himself off the couch. Soon enough, as you were watching the soup come to a boil, the shower also turned off signaling that Eddie was about to come out of the bathroom. You turned off the stove, ladled the soup into bowls, and put the rest into the container for leftovers. 

“That smells so fucking good,” Eddie mumbled, as you walked into the small bedroom. 

“I hope it tastes good too,” You said, smiling as you handed him a bowl, taking a seat next to him on his bed. 

After a few minutes of loud slurping and content sighs, you took the bowls to the kitchen before walking back into Eddie’s room, signaling him to lie down. “You get to be the little spoon tonight, my love.”

Eddie’s eyes lit up as he lay on his side. A moment later, you crawled under the covers, getting comfortable behind Eddie. The two of you quickly found comfort within each other as one arm went up to Eddie’s hair and the other trailed under his shirt to rub his back. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell you how I was feeling.”

“You take such good care of me but I need you to know that I want to take care of you too. It’s not a burden,” You whispered into the quiet room. 

“I know that now,” Eddie whispered back. “I have to warn you though, this kind of treatment is going to make a man do crazy things.”

You scoffed, “You act as if I don’t always give you this treatment.”

“You’re right,” Eddie said, turning his body around to face you. “I’m a really lucky guy. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Eds,” You said, leaning in to kiss him before he stopped you.

“I don’t want to get you sick.”

“I don’t care about that,” You argued, pressing a quick kiss against his lips. “Besides, if that happens then you just have to take care of me.”

“I can live with that,” Eddie mumbled before leaning in to press his lips against yours once more.

[terrorbirb]

This is my first full day back in a week and I'm still sick, yet because all of my coworkers are out my boss keeps being like "Nicole, can you please try to do this as well? It's for important customers :(" like with all do respect, because I do all manufacturing sales that means I handle the most profitable stuff we do that requires the most work and accounts for half of our business. Just me. And I've been out for a week practically. I'm also still sick. I know you're worried, but just think.

[scaryscarecrows]

Will Trade Soup for Intel

Potential Gotham Knights ‘verse. For those who did not see the trailer: Bruce is dead (pfft, suuuuure he is), Jim Gordon is dead (Jim, no!), the Court of Owls appears (this is gonna be bad), Batgirl and Robins 1-3 have guardianship of Gotham. For this piece: Penguin is also dead. Dove has his operation. And the flu. :p

***

Tim’s not sure where he thought Jason was going to take him. Honestly, because it’s Jason, he was sort of thinking, ‘seedy hole in the wall where retired hitmen go’. Or something. Or maybe an orphanage, or an under-the-bridge camp; the Alley Kids don’t throw bottles and needles at him, unlike the others. They demand rides.

(Yeah, it’s funny but also scary to see the Red Hood, known for his duffle bag of heads, giving a little girl a piggyback ride.)

This is not one of those places. This is some apartment building in midtown with a doorman and everything. And, y’know, it’s daytime, which...they don’t operate in the daytime that much unless they’re undercover, and they don’t appear to be. Jason told Tim to dress like a real boy and stick his domino on in the elevator, but he’s wearing what he always does; jeans, hoodie, heavy boots. And he’s carrying a brown bag that smells like soup. No helmet in sight, and Tim knows he won’t wear a domino now. They bug the scar*, he says.

“Where are we?”

“To see an old friend. I’m out of other ideas.”

“What, are they a conspiracy professor or something?”

“No.”

The doorman waves them through and they wait for an empty elevator. Jason presses the third-floor button and settles in, adjusting the bag in his arms. For all the crap they give...gave...Bruce about theatrics, Jason’s no better. He lives for building the suspense. Tim had nearly murdered him again for that stupid monk joke. Asshole. Ten minutes from his life, and for that? Humph.

A cotton face mask whaps him in the chest while he’s adjusting his domino and he frowns.

“What.”

“You’re fragile, and she’s got the flu, which is why we’re here in the daytime. I’m basically immune after my, um, upgrade points got cashed in, but you are a Victorian maiden who'll probably turn it into tuberculosis and die and I can’t deal with Dick after that.”

Huh.

…

Whatever. You lose one spleen…

He puts the mask on, too, making sure Jason sees his glower, just as the elevator dings to a halt.

Tim starts to suspect they’re not invited, exactly, when Jason shoves the bag at him and drops down to pick the lock. Though he does knock and call, “Don’t get up!”, so.

“There. Give me that before you spill something...hey, Miss Marquis! I brought soup!”

…

Jason couldn’t have just told him this, why?

There’s furious coughing in the other room, followed by movement, and a minute later Dove shuffles out, wrapped in a blanket and wearing what appear to be bunny slippers. She looks terrible.

“For the tenth time, I don’t care how immune you think you are, you’re going to get sick and I can take care of myself.”

“Haven’t gotten sick yet,” Jason says cheerfully. “‘Sides, it’s, like, partly a bribe.”

Dove doesn’t look convinced. Tim’s not convinced, either. Jason, when left to his own devices, can and will out-mother-hen Dick. He’s just usually scarier when he does it. More like Alfred.

Before any further argument can happen, Dove starts coughing again and winds up clutching the doorframe with one hand and holding the other up to keep Jason at bay.

“Thought you were gonna take Theraflu,” Jason says sulkily. Dove reaches up to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“I will take it if I need it, Hood.” Tim sympathizes. Theraflu tastes like sadness. At least Robitussin is nice. “I promise this isn’t my first flu, I am fine. ” This is not a battle she’ll win. Tim knows. Tim has tried and failed. Jason had loomed at him and told him, oh-so-nicely, that he would take the Theraflu or that it would breach his defenses. “What do you want.”

Jason holds up the bag.

“Fridge or bowl?”

“Fridge, please.”

“Tea?”

“If I say yes, will you settle down?”

“For now.”

She sighs and totters over to an armchair.

“Fine.”

“What kind.”

“I’ve got some sort of zinger tea in there, that would be very nice.”

Jason vanishes into the kitchen. Dove sinks into her chair, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders, and waves at the couch.

“Siddown, Robin.”

“Sorry we broke in,” he says, because Jason won’t. Dove just shakes her head.

“This isn’t the first time or the last time,” she says. “At least you used the door...if you need a drink or somethin’, help yourself.”

Jason comes back, steaming mug in his hands.

“I’ll get it,” he says. “Bird boy here shouldn’t touch the kitchen.”

Slander.

“Nightwing’s worse.”

“Still. Here y’go.”

“Thanks, honey.” Dove leans up to take it before shooing him back. “Now. Why are you here.”

Jason settles onto the couch next to Tim and leans forward, worrying at his lower lip.

“This is going to sound crazy.”

“Well, that’s interesting.”

“Do you know anything about the Court of Owls?”

Dove snorts, coughs, and takes a sip of her tea.

“What?”

“You know…beware the court of owls that watches all the time, ruling Gotham from a shadowed perch behind granite and lime. They watch you at your hearth, they watch you in your bed. Speak not a whispered word of them--”

“Or they’ll send the Talon for your head, I know the rhyme.” She takes another sip. “It’s a scary story to keep kids in line, you know that.”

“We thought so, but.” He shrugs. “”Had a run-in with...something...last night that, um. Looked a little dead. But not dead like me, dead like...I don’t know. It was like it wasn’t human anymore. Or ever. I don’t know.”

Well, that’s a surprise. Tim wonders if Jason just straight-up admitted what happened or if Dove got it out of him or from some other source.

“Croc’s not human, either, kid.”

“No. This thing...I didn’t...I broke its neck and it fucking twisted it back into place.”

Dove frowns.

“You’re sure?”

“Uh-huh. And before that I emptied literally twelve bullets into this thing and it didn’t even flinch. I’m telling you, something wasn’t right and it was wearing an owl mask.”

Tim nods.

“There have been four murders committed with daggers that have owl insignias on them,” he says. “We think these two things are related.”

“Owl daggers?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Can I see one?”

“I brought a picture. The daggers are police evidence.”

“Like you boys didn’t borrow one,” she says, but sits up when Jason comes over with the phone. “I’ve seen something like this before.”

Well, that was unexpected.

“When?”

“Years ago, now. Penguin had one that he got from who-knows-where. It went missing one night-we chalked it up to Catwoman and let it go-but we did have people offer to buy it a few times. Generous offers, too.”

“He wouldn’t sell?” Odd. Penguin loved money almost as much as his pet birds. “Can you remember who offered?”

“Rich men, you know the type. They like...oddities.”

Tim does know the type. During Dick’s stint as Batman, he’d stumbled upon an auction house that specialized in some nasty things, including a very particular crowbar.

(Jason, as far as Tim knows, has no idea about this.)

“Did he say anything about it?”

“No. He put it in his office, in a little case, and honestly, I sort of figured someone had tried to kill him with it. He was funny about things like that.”

That’s an understatement. Penguin had been very proud of the bottle in his eye, among other things.

Dove starts coughing again and ends up setting her tea on the end table. Jason’s halfway over there when the coughs turn to sputters and she manages to wheeze out a, “Fine. M’fine.”

“This is why you should take Theraflu.”

“Honey…”

“I can make--”

“Hon.” He shuts up. “I’m okay. It’s just the flu, give me another week and I’ll be back to normal.” She takes a shuddery breath and picks up her tea again. “I promise. Now. I don’t.” Another shuddery breath, but no coughing this time. “I don’t know anything else off the top of my head, but. Little fuzzy.” She tugs at her blanket until it’s closed around her neck, just under her chin. “If anything comes up, I’ll let you know-ow- shit --”

The coughs don’t stop this time and she winds up bent nearly double, arms curled up to, presumably, brace her ribs. Ouch. When they finally wane, she’s red-faced and wheezing and looking fairly well miserable. Tim’s just about to nudge Jason when she stands up, clutching her mug in white, shaky fingers, and says, “I am going back to bed. Lock up behind yourselves.”

“Can we do anything?”

“No, hon. But thanks. You boys.” A finger goes up and she sort of... hics ...but nothing happens. “You boys stay safe. Don’t do anything. Anything reckless.”

Reckless? Humph. They’re not reckless. Adventurous, is Tim’s preferred term. So one time he leapt off a building knowing his grappler wasn’t working. Dick caught him, like he knew he would. It was leap or be eaten, and being eaten was by far the uglier choice.

“Reckless? Us?” Jason mock-gasps. “Thanks. Soup’s in the fridge. Want me to make you a Thera--”

“ No. Thank you.”

THE END

*I’m debating on whether or not that scar is Joker-related (could be an aborted Glasgow?) OR Batarang-caused: maybe Bruce hit his face rather than his throat in this version of UtRH. Either way, ow.

[kumkaniudaku]

Love Sick.

A/N: Throwback CoCo and Chadwick to distract all of us from the mess. Pure fluff. It’s almost too sweet. It’s a mix of @skysynclair19 ‘s singing request.

Word Count: 3,901

New Jersey (2003)

When you made the decision to relocate to the Northern region of the United States after receiving your Bachelor’s degree from Howard University, you were immediately warned about the brutal winters. Initially, you brushed off the cautionary tales. You’d survived four Washington, D.C. winters and it could drop to as low as 20 degrees in Lithonia. You considered yourself prepared when you packed a few cute leather jackets, hats and scarves for your extended visit. New Jersey and New York was not ready for the invasion of CoCo and Chadwick.

Your first winter up North was hell. 

You couldn’t recall a day when your nose wasn’t plugged with mucus and you weren’t hacking up a lung in your tiny apartment. Somehow, Chadwick remained in perfect health and would often tease you on the phone when he heard how stuffy you were.

“Maybe I can finally get some peace when I come over there since you can’t talk.”

When you emerged from the damp dungeon of perpetual sickness, you vowed to properly prepare yourself. Saving your money and soliciting help from your parents, you purchased the appropriate attire and household items to survive Northern living. So, when Winter 2003 rolled around, you traded in your light jackets for full blown coats and gloves. Your bathroom cabinet was stocked with medicine just in case you got the sniffles, your flu shot was up to date and Granny’s chicken soup recipe was tucked safely into the spiral bound family cookbook you put together during your last trip home.

Chadwick, on the other hand, refused to prepare. He was determined to prove that the flu shot only made you sick and was a way for the government to target poor people of color in inner cities.

“Why would I let them inject me with the flu? CoCo, be smart. This is genocide.”

So it didn’t surprise you to hear his stuffed and raspy voice begging you to allow him to stay with you over the weekend to hold on to tradition. Every other weekend, he would commute to your neck of the woods and sleep on your couch Friday-Sunday, to spend time with you. When he wasn’t sprawled across the black microfiber sofa, you were taking his bed in New York while he made space on the floor.

“Aaron, you can’t come over here! You’re gonna get me sick too.”

“Then we can be sick together. Please, let me come. Who’s gonna take care of me like you?”

That’s all it took for you to wash the spare comforter you had in the closet and prepare the living room for your guest. Three lazy knocks on the door and a chesty cough gave away your visitor’s location, stopping your cleaning and sending you to invite him in.

“Got damn. Boy, are you okay?” The words you had planned were replaced when you opened the door and got a good look at him. His usually excited eyes were tired and red from a lack of sleep. His shoulders sagged under the weight of his coat and he shook lightly while leaning against the door frame.

“It’s nice to see you, pain in the ass. Can I come in?”

You stepped aside, pulling the duffle bag from his hand and placing it behind the door once you kicked it closed. He immediately began to peel off his layers, leaving him a t-shirt, sweatpants and a pair of tube socks.

After pouring a cup of orange juice and handing it to him, you sat on the coffee table to get a better look at his face.

“How do you feel?”

“Like you need to turn the air off. I’m freezing!”

“Chadwick...the heat is on.” You corrected, motioning to the thermostat that was on a warm 78 degrees. “Lean forward.”

Following your instructions, he leaned forward into your hands as you felt around his face to gauge his temperature. As you suspected, he face and neck were burning up, cluing you in to his medical condition. His dramatic ass had the flu.

“What is it? Am I going to have to go the hospital, CoCo?” He questioned, following your every move as you stood up and walked down the short hallway to your room. He was hot on your heels, bombarding you with questions. “Please, don’t make me take anything. Just let me sweat it out on the couch. I promise I’ll be quiet.”

“Get your ass off my bed, boy. Take those clothes off.” You instructed with your back turned to him while looking through your toiletry stash.

His ears perked up at your request, feeling a rush going below the waistband of his pants. Had the day he’d been dreaming of finally showed up? He would’ve gotten sick years ago if that’s all it took to get you to straddle his lap and make the face he imagined you’d make.

When you turned to look at him, he was down to his underwear, preparing to pull the sheets on what he assumed was the side you didn’t sleep on back.

“Nigga, why are you doing that?”

“I thought-” Your curious look instantly made his face heat up at the misunderstanding.

“Take this soap and go take a shower. I’ll have some clothes in here for you when you’re done. Your towel and washcloths are in their normal spots. There’s some lotion in there too because…” Your voice trailed as you motioned toward his bare legs.

“Why do I keep letting you talk to me like this?” He mumbled, pulling the unopened package of Dove soap from your hands and heading to the bathroom down the hall.

“Because I’m the only person crazy enough to still be friends with you after all this time.”

“No, it’s because I like to eat and you keep feeding me. You put something in your spaghetti. I can’t believe you trapped me like that.”

“You’re stuck with me forever, Boseman!” You laughed as he rolled his eyes and shut the door to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes and several R&B songs later, he was emerging from your bedroom in a new set of clothes, fresh from a quick cycle in the dryer to warm them up a little. Once he lazily made his way to the couch, he was greeted with a hefty dosage of Theraflu, Vick’s Vapor rub for his chest and a cup of hot tea.

“CoCooooo!”

“No, you won’t ‘CoCo’ me! Come over here and sit down.” Reluctantly, he drug his lean body to the couch, flopping down dramatically and slightly turning his head away from you. “Aww, the baby doesn’t want to take his medicine.”

Your mocking did little to deter him as he rolled his eyes and continued to sulk.

“I am a man.”

“You acting like a boy. Let me at least take your temperature. We might not need all of this.”

He looked at you from the corner of his eye to determine your level of sincerity. Batting your eyelashes, you returned his glare with your most charming smile and a rub of his knee. Finally, he caved in, taking the time to stretch across the couch and wait for you to work your magic.

Your squeal of approval was met by an annoyed look before he parted his lips slightly to allow you to insert the thermometer. You both eyed the digital display, anxiously awaiting the results. A quick series of beeps preceded the eventual reading: a temperature of 103 degrees. He groaned loudly, knowing that he would have to listen to whatever you said.

“Oh hell no! Sit up and take this medicine.”

“But, CoCo!”

“Don’t make me say it again! C’mon now.” The southern black woman hopped out of you, thickening your accent and forcing your hand to your hip. It only took a stern look for Chadwick to sit up and hold the medicine cup to his lips, gagging at the taste of the liquid coating his mouth. A cough followed, prompting you to hold the tea mug to his mouth for him to take a sip and calm down. “Are you feeling sleepy?”

“Yes, mother.”

Rolling your eyes, you directed him to lay down so that you could prepare him for bed. He watched you with a faint smile while you spread the blanket over him and placed the remote to the television nearby.

“Okay, last thing and I’ll leave you alone for the night. Lift up your shirt.”

You carefully scooped a liberal about of vapor rub out of its container to smooth it against your palms. Your soft hands took their time, rubbing the product against the center of his chest, feeling the way he heart seemed to speed up to unsafe levels.

“Calm down, Aaron. Relax. You can’t get better until you rest a little.”

Your eyes flickered to his that were transfixed on your fingers and the way they danced across his chest. He knew the act was innocent but he couldn’t help but think about having this moment for the rest of his life. He’d been with plenty of women, but none like you.

He’d said I love you, sometimes without meaning it, but he never felt this type of love. The kind of love that showed him a wife and a couple of kids clinging to his legs when he came home. The kind of love that made him want to tuck you away in his apartment while he worked his ass off to provide for you. The kind of love that made him want to pull you onto his body and show you just how deeply he felt for you. He was in love and he didn’t know how much longer he could be around you and pretend he only wanted to be your friend.

“All done, jackass. Drink the tea before it cools down to clear up some of that congestion. Come knock on my door if you start to cough again. You should be asleep soon.”

“You’re not gonna stay with me?” He questioned, latching onto your hand. “How will know when I need more medicine?”

“Because you’ll come find me like you do when you need anything else. Good night, boy.” You swiftly pulled your hand from his before shutting off the light and retreating to your bedroom.

Stevie Wonder could see the sexual tension between you two but, you’d long convinced yourself that he wasn’t interested and any indication otherwise was a genuine slip up on his part. Peeling your body from your door, you trudged to your bed to try and sleep through the constant coughing and sneezing of the man you loved.

Sleep didn’t come easy for either one of you but, when it did, you weren’t happy to be startled awake. Looking at the digital clock on your nightstand, 3:53 AM transitioned in 3:54 as another round of knocking commenced.

“What the hell?” You asked, snatching the door open and finding Chadwick drowsily standing in the doorway. “What do you want? Do you know what time it is?”

“I can’t breathe, CoCo. Can I come in here with you so you can make sure I stay alive?”

‘What? No! Let me give you some more Theraflu and then you can go back.”

“Pleaseeeee?” He begged. “I already took some before I came in here and did the Vicks thing. Please, just let me sleep next to you. You don’t want me to die on your couch, do you?”

A sleepy stare off commenced between his dropping eyes and your tired orbs. Sighing, you stepped out of his way to allow him to enter the room, closing and locking the door after him. Like a child, he excitedly moved to the other side of the bed, throwing back the sheets like he’d done earlier and making himself comfortable.

You took your original spot, laying on your back to watch the ceiling fan spin in circles. Not only was going back to sleep in timely manner impossible, you were afraid that closing your eyes would restart the sexy dream that you were enthralled in, conveniently starring the beautiful man beside you. He wasted no time taking your position as an opportunity to throw his upper body on top of yours, positioning himself on his stomach so that he could lay on your clothed chest.

“The big baby likes to cuddle I see.” You teased.

“Yeah, whatever. Nobody is cuddling yo ass. Your pillows are too soft and I need to prop my head up. All this room you got on your chest, you should be thankful there’s finally some weight on it.”

You kissed your teeth and pushed his head in an attempt to get him off of you. He held on tight until you gave up, preferring to play with his ears to keep your mind occupied. He hummed at the sensation, closing his eyes and listening to your steady heartbeat.

“Don’t fall asleep, negro! I’m already hot with you on me like this. Go to your side!”

“Get over it.” He answered in a deep and slurred grumble, using his arms to anchor your waist to his body and prevent you from moving.

Just as he was content with having your fingertips trace patterns behind his ear, you liked knowing that he was comfortable and sleeping peacefully. Oddly, his body rhythmically breathing against yours and light snores coming from his stuffed nose lulled you to sleep soon after.

                                   _____________

“I’m checking for you, boy, you’re right on time. Angel of mine.” Your voice meshed with Monica’s as the radio sitting on the kitchen counter played her album. Your soprano was the perfect match to her chorus while you danced around the kitchen, dropping ingredients into the pot of chicken broth bubbling on the stove. “Last night, the way you moved is still on my mind. Angel of mind.”

Somehow, you were able to escape the hostage situation Chadwick had you in to tip toe into the kitchen and get breakfast started. You knew he’d be upset that he had to eat soup while you enjoyed pancakes but he’d get over it once he tasted it. Your singing drowned out the bedroom door creaking open and Chadwick stepping out to find you.

He stopped at the end of the hallway to silently observe you twirling around the cramped space, pulling spices from the cabinet like a Southern Disney princess. He’d seen you do it plenty of times before, but never while singing. He’d actually never heard you sing, the way you echoed Monica’s rifts and run making him smile. He wanted to keep listening, but his coughing betrayed him and pulled you from your trance.

“Don’t stop.” He coaxed, taking a seat on one of the wooden stools at the counter. “You sound good.”

“Yeah, right. Your ears are clogged. You hearing funny.”

“I’d be the first one to come in here and tell you to stop if you couldn’t sing. Keep going. The song’s almost over.”

Nervously, you looked between the radio and Chadwick before shaking your head and returning your focus to the stove. “I’ll pass on that one. How do you feel?”

Though he wanted to, he decided not press the issue. “Fucking terrible. My throat is sore, my body hurts, I’m hot and then cold and I keep coughing.”

“Then let’s try and get you feeling better. Taste this.” Instructing him to open his mouth, he allowed you to feed him a bit of soup. “How’s that?”

“Amazing. I wish I had an appetite.” He frowned.

“Chadwick Aaron Boseman with no appetite! You really are sick.” Turning off the stove, you made a beeline for the living room to grab the medicines that were still in their spots from last night. “It’s time to go full force with this. Here’s more Theraful, I’m gonna grab my peppermint oil and rub that on you and you need to get some socks on your feet.”

He stared at you while you pulled him to a standing position and led him to the couch. “Can’t we just go back and lay down. I just wanna go to sleep.”

“No, no, no. I’m responsible for getting you better and that’s what we’re gonna do. Mrs. Carolyn would kill me if she found out I was just letting you sleep it off.” The heaviness and heat of the comforter being thrown over him was a welcomed feeling that he didn’t want to admit to.

Just as quick as you’d left, you were back with a small bottle of peppermint oil and rubbing it on his neck, chest and soles of his feet before sliding socks onto them. When you returned with a glass of orange juice and a bowl of soup, he was drifting into sleep.

“C’mon, Aaron, you need to eat.” You announced, squatting in front of him and handing him the bowl. He was back to putting on a show, feebly reaching out to grab the spoon and shaking his hand to send droplets of the hot liquid sputtering around the rim of the bowl.

“You gotta feed it to me, CoCo. I-I...I’m too weak.”

“You full of shit, that’s what you are.”

He smiled at your joke, knowing that you would give up and feed him. Staying true to form, you continuously lifted the spoon to his mouth, feeding him he steaming contents of the bowl until there was no more.

Soon, he was back to sleep again, head pressed against the flannel pajama pants covering your thighs and mouth ajar to regulate his breathing. In short intervals you were able to go shower and clean the kitchen until he noticed your absence or requested your presence. A final check of his temperature indicated that his fever was finally gone and his appetite was beginning to pick up.

Still, he insisted on acting like a child.

“CoCo,” he croaked, wrapping the blanket around his entire body like ET in the bicycle basket. “Can you come warm me up?”

“No.” Your answer was flat as you continued to ignore him, using a ladle to put soup into tupperware for him to take home later.

“But, I’m so cold. I need you!”

You looked across to the room to find him exaggeratedly shaking his body in a comical shiver. “Aaron, stop.”

“Brrrrrr! Don’t let me freeze.” The DVD version of ‘Blue Streak’ played in the background as he continued his antics. “C’mon! Watch the movie with me. Your favorite part is coming. I can see your goosebumps from here.”

“If I do it, will you shut up?”

He made a zipping motion across his mouth before opening one side of the comforter to invite you in. You indulged him, sliding into the spot beside him and allowing him to close the blanket and trap you by his side.

Blue Streak turned into Training Day and a new sitting position, his back pressed against your stomach while he watch Denzel intently and let you play in his hair. Not paying attention to the 500th viewing of the movie, you quietly hummed Floetry’s ‘Say Yes’ to pass the time.

“You know, you should just sing to me if you’re gonna hum.” You looked down to find him already looking at you expectantly. He wasn’t going to let up this time.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and continued to nervously play with his hair.

“There is only one for me. You have made that a possibility. We can take that step to see if this is really gonna be. All you gotta do is say yes, don’t deny what you feel, let me undress you babe. Open up your mind and just rest, I’m about to let you know, you make me so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so....”

Your singing stopped as you slowly opened your eyes to see his toothy grin looking back at you. “Eh, I’ve heard better.”

“Oh, shut up!” You laughed, pushing his head. “I told you I’m not that good.”

“You sound amazing, CoCo. I’m just being an asshole.”

“What else is new?”

A short shared laugh preceded silence as the movie filled in the gaps for a long stretch.

“How do you know if you’re in love?” He asked, not bothering to look at you.

“I don’t know. My mama says that you just know. Nobody has to tell you. You feel it more than you feel anything else.” A hesitant pause didn’t stop your next question. “Are you in love?”

He thought for a moment before answering. “I think so. I’m feeling something.”

“Don’t rush it. God don’t make no mistakes. If you and whoever it is are supposed to be together, let it happen naturally.”

Accepting your words, he allowed the conversation to end. A forced round of TheraFlu sent him back into a medicine induced coma but not before he was pinning you to the couch under the weight of his body while he slept. You smiled at the image of the overgrown child needing to be held in order to fall asleep. You didn’t know if was the illness or delusions from the medicine but, you enjoyed being there for him and silently prayed that you’d be able to do this for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, whoever he was in love with would get to enjoy these moments after he was nursed to health and back in New York.

                                 ______________

The morning sun peeked through the blinds of the living room sooner than you hoped for, ending the semi-girlfriend charade. Breakfast was eerily silent as was most of the early afternoon. Both of you seemed to be lost in thought until Chadwick announced that he needed to start his journey back home to finish up the work he had to put aside.

Standing at the door, he adjusted his coat and scarf with your help.

“Keep taking the medicine and don’t be afraid to stay home an extra day if you still feel a little weak. Your health is more important than that job.”

“Yes ma’am. Anything else, wife?” He joked, grabbing his bag from your hands. You ignored the butterflies in your stomach and rolled your eyes.

“Eat the soup and drink some green tea NOT sweet tea. Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do. I’ll call you when I get settled.”

You nodded in agreement, reaching around him to open the door. He made it into the hallway before turning to look at you. “See you next week?”

“Of course.” Shy smiles were exchanged, prolonging the good-bye. “I hope she loves you back. Send me an invite to the wedding?”

Shaking his head, he chuckled to himself, confusing you. “You won’t be needing one, CoCo! You’ll already be there.”

“As part of the wedding party? Can I wear suit too?”

Your excitement made him smile as he turned on his heels to start his trek down the hallway. He made sure that his voice traveled behind him to answer your question. 

“Whatever you want, girl! Whatever you want.”

__________

TAGS:   @njadont @k-michaelis @wakandanmoonchild  @idilly @texasbama @afraiddreamingandloving @inxan-ity @daytimeheroicsonly @thiccdaddy-mbaku @onyour-right @brianabreeze @sisterwifeudaku @ironsquad @killmongerdispussy @90sinspiredgirl @killmongersaidheyauntie @willowtree77785901 @maynardqueen101 @heyauntieeee @halfrican-heat @purple-apricots @lalapalooza718 @blue-ishx @profilia @ljstraightnochaser @girl-wtf-lmao @dramaqueenamby @royallyprincesslilly @melaninmarvel @lavitabella87 @purplehairgawdess @unholyxcumbucket @airis-paris14 @uhlxis @oshasimone @maliadestiny @drsunshine97 @cozyshack2 @zxddy-panther @queentearra @skysynclair19 @wakandankings

[benjikarofsky]

Sick and Tired || Para

WHO: Benji Karofsky (@benjikarofsky) and Franco Del Rio (@southsidefranco); Mentions Benji’s family [brother Dave, dad Paul, and unnamed mother]

WHERE: Franco’s trailer

WHEN: 11th April 2019 (Backdated)

NOTES: Ever attempting to be a good boyfriend, Benji comes to take care of Franco while he’s sick, leading to some fluff, so deep discussion, and a heart-to-heart

TRIGGERS: Abandonment and divorce. Very vague mentions of: self-harm, drug use, ‘gay bashing’, and homophobic microaggressions

BOLD: Benji

ITALIC: Franco

WORD COUNT: 5818

Franco did not feel great. His throat was sore, his eyes were red and stinging and he felt like death. He had gotten up only to unlock the door for Benji when he would arrive and then crawled back under the covers, his body soaked with sweat, his hair wet for the same reason. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he assumed it was flu or an infection and the drugs had lowered his immune system meaning he'd gotten hit hard. He'd made sure he gotten a hit only an hour or so ago and if he was tired, which he had been all day, he's just blame the illness. Knowing Benji was coming, he'd managed to through a zipped jacket on before getting back under the covers.

"Franc?" Benji called, walking through the front door of Franco's trailer, recyclable bags full of groceries and other supplies to help with Franco's cold in his hands. He made way to the kitchen area and set the grocery bags on the counter before walking into Franco's room. "Oh... Babe..." he cooed, walking up to the bed and gently cupping the side of Franco's face. "You're burning up, Babe... Did you take your temperature?"

Franco coughed as he sat himself up a little, his body shaking but his skin damp, "Hey babe" he said, his voice weak from the pain in his throat, "No, I don't think Dare has a thermometer here or anything so I kinda just went for calling myself sick" he said with half a laugh, "I probably stink, I haven't left the bed at all today, not even too smoke".

Benji placed his hand against Franco's forehead for a second, then gave him a soft kiss. "You've definitely got a fever, Babe," he confirmed after he pulled back, "But that's okay. I'll take care of you. ...Have you taken any medicine yet?"

Franco tried to nuzzle into Benji's hand but it was gone before he got a chance, "Yeah I feel cold but I know I'm really hot and it's a really funny feeling" he mumbled. He smiled at Benj and nodded, "No, I didn't know what I could take and I don't really do medication or drugs..."

"That's okay," Benji responded, smiling at Franco; Benji found something oddly tame and cute about Franco being sick. "Give me a sec." He left the bedroom and grabbed a bag from the kitchen area before coming back into the room. "Paul used to get sick all the time, so you have to trust me on this, okay?" He jutted a thermos out to Franco to take, a small pill capsule balanced on top of the lid. 

"The thermos is Theraflu mixed with regular tea and honey. It'll help with your throat. The pill is DayQuil. Take that too, okay?"

Franco looked at the pill and shook his head, "Nope... Nu-uh... No pills" he said moving it too the dresser, "I don't do pills" he explained, "I'll drink the crap in the flask but no pills Benj, I just can't". His eyes felt heavy but sleep kept evading him, "It's so fucking hot" he breathed.

"Okay," Benji conceded, "No pills. Understood." When Franco mentioned he was hot, Benji tugged at his boyfriend's blankets, trying to cool him down a bit. "Oh, Babe... You're wearing a jacket. You have to take that off. You're gonna overheat," he explained, starting to unzip it.

Franco knew he should fight a Benji taking his jacket off but he didn’t have the energy for it and he was burning up in it, “The blankets gotta be pulled up” he breathed, “I’m naked under my jacket” he said with a half giggle.

"You're naked, huh?" Benji teased, unzipping the jacket the rest of the way. He placed his hand on Franco's chest and playfully winked, but then helped Franco slide the jacket the rest of the way off and pulled the blanket back up. "Since you're sick, I'll behave, but know I don't want to," he teased. "Do you want company? Or do you want penicillin?"

Franco smiled a goofy smile and held out his hands for Benji to hold, "If I didn't feel so rough, I'd be letting you touch but I'm sticky and sweaty and ugh" he said. He thought about the question, "I wanna be a spoon... But a little spoon"

Benji nodded, climbing onto the bed. "Little spoon? I can do that." He wiggled his way under the covers and wrapped his arms around Franco, bringing his head to Franco's shoulder and cuddling him close. "You're not sweaty. It's your natural pheromones. Mmm," Benji hummed, breathing in his boyfriend's scent, "And I like them."

Franco intertwined his fingers with Benji's as be curled his body a little bit, "My whole body aches" he complained, "And my head feels like it's gunna split in two".

Benji nodded, "I know, Babe. I'm sorry..." he cooed, hugging Franco a little tighter. "But you didn't want pills, so I'm not sure how to help other than just holding you until it passes." He admitted, kissing his neck.

Franco nodded, "Can't do pills. Not after what happened". He rolled so he was facing Benji and gently nudged him onto his back, resting his head on Benji's chest, "I ache" he repeated, his voice heavy from tiredness, "Can I sleep"

"Of course, Babe," he wrapped his arm around Franco and cuddled him close, letting his hand mindlessly move up and down his boyfriend's torso. "I'll be here when you wake up, okay?" he whispered.

Franco found he fell asleep easily in Benji's arms and he stayed asleep for a few hours as his body worked on repairing him but, when he woke up, still in Benji's arms, his body seemed to be sweating more and his head was still pounding. He woke up with a loud cough, "Babe" he said, his body still half asleep, "Babe"

"Shhh. Still here," Benji cooed, running his arm down Franco's torso. He turned his head slightly to look down at Franco on his chest. "Feeling any better?" he asked, running his finger through Franco's hair. "There's an ice pack on the side table. I tried to put it on you while you were sleeping, but it kept falling off. There's also a bowl of penicillin there if you wanna take a few sips. Just made it."

Franco smiled into Benji's chest but shook his head, "My head really hurts still". He looked over at the ice pack, "It's too cold" he breathed, pulling the duvet up around his sweating body. He didn't look at the penicillin though but rolled onto his back, groaning as he did, "When did it get cold?"

"Baby, if the ice pack's too cold to use, then you have to at least take off the blankets. You're gonna overheat if you do nothing," Benji responded, cuddling back up to Franc. "Do you wanna take the blankets off?"

Franco shook his head but in the same action, rolled the blanket of his body, his torso shimmering with sweat as he moved himself into a sitting position, his back leaning against the wall behind him. He brought his hands into his lap, "You come to look after me?"

"Of course, I did, Babe." Benji sat up as well and cupped Franco's cheek to pull him to a kiss. As he pulled back, he leaned over Franco to grab the thermos of tea, but stopped short when he saw Franco's arms. "Oh, Franc..." Benji whispered, his voice cautious, but still full of concern. "I care about you so much. Please tell me you're not hurting yourself..." he murmured, his finger tracing next to one of the scars on Franco's arm.

Franco kissed him and then followed his eyes as they found his arm and Benji started tracing the marks. He gulped and shook his head, "No" he breathed, "They are scars from the kidnapping" he spoke gently, his sickness making him let his walls down a little more then normal, "They are called track marks or scars and it's from the amount of drugs they put in my system".

Benji couldn't help but frown as Franco explained what happened. "I still can't completely process that that happened to you... I'm so glad you're okay," he responded, still tracing his finger around the tracks. "I'll see if there's any remedies for scar marks in the pile of stuff my mom left when I get home, okay? It sounds like something she would've had..." 

Slowly, Benji leaned down and kissed the scars on Franco's arm, then placed a trail of kisses up his arm until he reached Franco's lips. "Just remember: they're healing. Just like you," he added, before pulling Franco into a deep kiss.

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "Yeah, I never thought something like that would happen too me and I really wouldn't be here if it wasn't for Darius coming in and saving me with Charlie's help". He watched as Benji continued to trace the marks, guilt flooding his brain as he knew he was doing this to himself now and then as he kissed the marks he smiled a small sad smile. 

He kissed Benji back but pulled back to have a coughing fit, "Sorry, so romantic when I'm sick" he breathed, regaining his breathing after it, "I don't wanna lose them, they kind of tell my story for me and people generally don't ask" he added, referring back to what was said before the kiss.

Benji shrugged, his hand still cupping Franco's face. "I don't always need romantic. I just need you." He finally let his hand drop and reached over to grab the thermos. "You're healing emotionally and physically with or without the scars. If you wanna keep the scars, that's your choice to make," he explained matter-of-factly. "You've been asleep for hours. You have to drink some of this tea or you're gonna dehydrate."

Franco nodded, "I need you too babe" he agreed, his hand reaching for Benji's spare hand, "I mean, physically I'm pretty much there but mentally, I don't know. It doesn't seem to get better", another lie. It had gotten better but only because he was drugges most of the time. He nodded and used his empty hand to take the flask, drinking a small amount, "Can't I just have some water" he moaned as he continued to drink the tea.

Benji couldn't help but giggle softly. "So whiny," he teased, rubbing Franco's side as he drank. "Water doesn't rehydrate you fast enough. You need other liquids first. Then you can have all the water you want," he explained. "Do you want gatorade? I bought some."

"I don't like being sick. I never get sick" he complained again, "I know but I like water sometimes". He heard the word Gatorade and his eyes widened, "Yes, I want the Gatorade" he said, practically jumping forward, "Please"

"Understood!" Benji replied, unable to hold back laughter--Franco's reaction had caught him off-guard. He hopped out of the bed and grabbed two Gatorades from where he had stashed them in the fridge. "Red or blue?" he offered, holding up both. "I'll put the other one on your head to hopefully cool you down a bit."

Franco smiled at the bottles, “I want both” he said, almost childlike, “And I can get up and stand outside to cool down” he suggested, even though he had no energy to get up, “Then I can smoke a cigarette”.

Benji smiled, then playfully rolled his eyes, "Okay, Francie... Well which one do you want first?" At the mention of getting up, Benji shook his head and climbed back onto the bed so he was sitting on the blanket, but in between Franco's legs . "Nope. No getting up until you've had more liquids. I don't want you passing out. And definitely no cigarettes... I don't mind you smoking usually, but not before you feel a little better. You're coughing enough as-is."

Franco smiled, "Francie... I like that but I want the blue gatorade first". He watched Benji sit between his legs and his lips dropped into a sulky pout, "But I want a smoke" he breathed, "I haven't had one all day and I thought you cared" he pouted more.

Benji rolled his eyes, then kissed Franco's pouted lip. "I'm not letting you have a smoke because I care. Smoking is bad for you all the time, but especially when you’re sick. I have to put my foot down somewhere." He gently leaned his forehead against Franco's and smiled. "And don't think that cute little pout is just gonna make me melt into a puddle and do anything you want, either," he teased, giving Franco a pout of his own.

Franco nodded, "I guess you are right and one day, I'll quit smoking and I'll be really healthy but today is not that day" he smiled against Benji's lips and sighed, "My face really should be what makes you melt and do everything I ask... Including food? I need food?"

Benji pursed his lips at Franco, giving a cutesy smooch sound. "You have to have some penicillin first. Then, if you stomach it well, I'll make you something more hearty. Whatever you want."

Franco nodded and reached over for the Penicillin but he honestly felt so weak, he nearly dropped the container, "Babe, I'm not feeling up for it" he admitted, "Maybe I won't be having something hearty after all"

Benji frowned but nodded, scooting back a little so he could grab the package of crackers next to the bowl of soup. "Wanna at least try a saltine?" he offered, putting the square up to his boyfriend's lips. "You have to get something in that stomach of yours, Babe. You're exhausted enough."

Franco leant his head forward and took the square, chewing it slowly and savouring real food, "It's good" he breathed but as soon as he followed, be started coughing again, one hand grabbing at Benji from the pain it was causing and one hand reaching for his Gatorade.

Benji grabbed the Gatorade and placed it in Franco's reaching hand, rubbing his boyfriend's back with his hand to try to help soothe his coughs. "They're probably a little too dry for you right now," he explained, still rubbing Franco's back. "I want you to eat more though. We just need to make sure you have gatorade to chase it." He kissed Franco's ear, then pulled back. "I bought a bunch and it's in the fridge, so don't worry. Drink as much as you want."

Franco managed to control the coughing with the help of Benji and the Gatorade and slumped back  against the wall, "I'm sorry" he breathed, "I never get sick and never rely on any one but look at me". He leant his head against Benji's shoulder, "I'm so hungry".

"Shhh," Benji cooed. "It's okay to rely on me, Francie. I'm your boyfriend. That's literally what I'm here for." He slowly picked up another cracker and put it to Franco's lips, the bottle of gatorade already uncapped and ready in Benji's other hand. "Chew," he whispered.

Franco nodded, "Boyfriend" he whispered, the word still so new too him, "It'll take some getting used too" he admitted. He took the cracker and ate it slowly, chasing it straight with the Gatorade, "I'm still sleepy".

"Boyfriend," Benji repeated softly with a smile, hugging Franco close. "A couple more crackers, then I'll let you sleep more, okay?" he offered, putting another cracker up to his lips.

Franco rested his head on Benji and nodded, "More crackers? But they make me cough" he whined. He sighed, "I don't think I should sleep more. I won't sleep tonight otherwise".

Benji smiled down at Franco. He couldn't stop himself from seeing the cuteness in all his child-like complaints. "You have to eat something, my Motek," he explained, putting the cracker to his lip again. "Just keep drinking gatorade in between. It'll help. ...Wanna watch a movie on my laptop?" he offered.

Franco pouted again but took the cracker and ate, chasing it straight down with the Gatorade. He sighed and as he did, started to cough again, the Gatorade nearly slipping from his hand, "I think I'm sick" he breathed, his breathing ragged, "Like really sick".

“Yes, Babe. You’re sick,” Benji confirmed, rubbing his back through the cough. “That’s why I’m taking care of you!” He took the Gatorade out of Franco’s hand and placed it back onto the night stand. “How about we watch a movie or something on my laptop and just lay down, huh? The more you can relax, the better.”

Franco sighed and looked at Benji with puppy dog eyes, "Please can I have a smoke?" He asked, "I've not had one all day and I really need one babe*.

Benji had to avoid Franco's eyes to keep himself from falling for his boyfriend's plea. As much as he tried to be immune to it, there was something about Franco's pitiful, sick little face that made him melt. "No, Franc," Benji eventually replied. "It's bad for you. You should be happy I even let you smoke when you're not sick."

Franco pouted and dropped his fist in a tantrum like manner and let out a groan, "Babe, I'm craving it right now and if it were my place I'd smoke right here, please" he practically begged.

Benji frowned, "Franc, you can barely eat a saltine without coughing your lungs out. And you're too tired to pick up a bowl of soup." He kissed Franco softly, trying to calm him back down. "I know it's frustrating, but this is for the best, okay? No smoking right now."

Franco huffed, he'd never been denied a cigarette before, "Fine but if I ger grumpy, you have yourself to blame" he said, his tone showing he was not happy, "I'm bored" he whined

Benji simply nodded, not trying to make Franco any more upset than he already was. "How about a movie or TV Show? We can watch it on my laptop and cuddle?" he offered.

Franco side eyed Benji and huffed once more before taking a sip of his drink and looking at the soup, "If I eat some of that can I have one?" He asked, "And if you say yes, can you help me eat some of that? And then we can watch the movie?"

Benji sighed dramatically. "If you have this bowl of soup, I'll let you have a smoke," he conceded. Normally, he'd be content with Franco being a little upset with him, but he knew he needed to get his boyfriend to drink the soup if in order to get better and he wasn't going to be able to get there until Franco got what he wanted. He leaned over to get the bowl and placed it on Franco's lap. "Deal?"

Franco grinned for the first time all day and nodded, "But you have got to help" he said looking down at the soup and then up to Benji, "How'd I get so lucky?" he asked out of the blue, using a spare hand to find Benji's, "I don't really deserve someone like you".

Benji playfully rolled his eyes, but still kept Franco's hand in his. "You're just saying that because I'm finally gonna let you smoke. Stop it," he replied, pouting slightly. He brought the bowl to face-level, then spooned a bit of the soup. "Here comes the train," he teased, putting the spoon up to Franco's lips.

Franco shook his head, "I said help me with the soup, not treat me like I am a child" he laughed. He took the soup of the spoon and swallowed slowly, not wanting to cough it all back up again, "And I said it cause I meant it Benj".

Benji smiled, leaning forward to give Franco a soft peck. "Stop it with the 'deserving' stuff. You deserve everything good that happens to you in life. If you feel like one of those things is me, then that's wonderful too. But know you deserve it." He offered Franco the spoon, still holding up the bowl so it was easier for Franco to eat out of.

Franco shook his head, "Oh if only you were right this time around" he breathed, "I just haven't ever been perfect and then theres you who is pretty much the closest I'll get to perfection". He took someone more soup and savoured the taste, "So good" he moaned

"It's penicillin!" Benji replied, unable to hold back a giggle. "Of course it's good. We've been perfecting this since the Dark Ages. And that's not an exaggeration." He purposely ignored Franco's claims that he didn't deserve him, replying instead with a simple, "Finish your penicillin so we can watch a movie."

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "They never gave me pain meds in the form of soup before" he smiled, "And other then Dare, no one tried to spoonfed me them either. It's why I was in the hospital for so long, I refused the medication". He continued to eat the soup but after about 7 spoons, he shook his head, "I feel really full" he admitted.

Benji nodded and leaned over to set the bowl back down on the table. "Does your throat feel any better? Everything not gonna magically get better with a few sips, but I wouldn't be surprised if your throat was at least a little less dry now," he explained, cupping the side of Franco's face in his hand as he stared at him lovingly.

Franco smiled and nodded, "Yeah it's not as dry but I feel a little sick now" he admitted, "Nothing to do with taste, I've been feeling nauseous all day" he breathed, leaning into Benji's hand.

"I know, Motek," Benji cooed, running his hand down Franco's face. "There's a trash can next to the bed if you need it. I'm hopeful the nausea will pass though. The penicillin won't do much good if it's not in your stomach. ...Do you wanna try laying down?"

Franco looked down at the floor next to the bed, "Please Benji, I have far too much dignity to throw up in front of you". He looked at the night stand and sat up, flinging his legs over the side of the bed and grabbing his cigarettes. As he stood though, he fell backwards, landing back down on the bed, "Help me" he practically begged

Benji stared at him for a second, his arms crossed. "Franc... this is why I didn't want you to try to go smoke. You're not well enough yet. If you can barely eat soup and you can barely stand up, do you really think I should help you go smoke," Benji reprimanded, moving Franco to a more comfortable position on the bed instead of helping him get up like he requested. "...Can we at least raincheck the smoke break until the movie and you've rested a little more?"

Franco sighed but felt emotions in him rising and frustration building, "Please" he begged, his eyes glistening with tears, "I need to have a cigarette babe, please" he hates begging but his cravings were strong.

Benji stayed with his arms crossed for a moment before sighing dramatically and finally conceding. "...Don't ever say I don't care about you," he grumbled, putting Franco's arm around his neck so he could pick him up and walk him outside of the trailer. He gently placed Franco down on the second step outside the front door then leaned against the doorframe, his arms back to being crossed. "I'm giving you 5 minutes, Franc."

Franco sighed a breath of relief and held onto Benji until he was sat down on the step. He instantly pulled his cigarettes out and lit one whilst he shivered on the step. His body was still really warm so the cold air would cool him down but his body shivered in the wind, "Judge all you want, we all have a vice".

"Uh huh... And what's mine?" Benji questioned, looking down at Franco with his arms still crossed.

Franco shrugged his shoulders and smiled, "Me?" He asked playfully, looking up at Benji, his arms wrapped around himself as he continued to smoke

Benji scoffed, then looked at Franco to tell him he was wrong, but after a second of thought, he realized he had a point. "...Fine," he replied, his arms still crossed.

Franco raised an eyebrow, "Really?" He asked, "I'm a vice? I can take that" he grinned. He finished his cigarette and tried to push himself up, "So, am I the bad thing that's really good for you?" He added before admitting defeat.

Benji rolled his eyes and scooped Franco up, purposely choosing not to respond to his boyfriend's comment. He carefully carried Franco back into the trailer and set him back down on the bed before climbing onto the bed and laying next to him. "Okay. Which movie do you wanna watch, Francie?"

Franco pouted, "Don't avoid my question" he breathed out, "I wanna know your answer. You like me to answer questions right?". He thought about then movie and then what he just said, "Why don't we get to know each other, like actually open up a little".

Benji sighed, cuddling close to him. “You know how to push every button I have in order to get what you want. That makes you a vice, Babe,” he admitted. At Franco’s suggestion, he nodded, “Sure. How should we do this?”

Franco smiled and nodded, "I don't try you know. I just, I'm pretty much an ass". He looked up at Benji and shrugged his shoulders, "You ask me a question and no matter how hard the answer, I tell you it. Then I ask you one".

Benji nodded, then thought for a moment before coming up with a good first question. "...When did you know you wanted to date me? Like, what was the distinguishing thing?"

Franco sighed, "Probably when you said you wanted to go for coffee with that guy. I thought we'd had a good time and then I was a little crushed. It was then I knew I had feelings for you that weren't purely sexual". He thought and then asked, "What made you actually want to go on that first proper date?".

"A lot of things," Benji admitted, "I was trying to get over Topher, obviously. But I also felt bad that I was just using you for sex and wanted to do something new with you. But I also felt, like..." he paused for a moment, unable to formulate his thoughts, "something. I don't really know how to explain it... Like, that there was more about you behind the walls. Parts of you that I would like. ...that's why I decided on a date. And why I wanted a real one. I think I subconsciously knew that something good could come out of it." 

 He looked down and gave Franco a peck on his forehead before he asked, "...Do you think I'm a good boyfriend?"

Franco smiled at Benji's word, "You really felt something? Even about me when I did nothing but try and push your buttons". He snuggled into Benji's arms and smiled, a sigh of contentment leaving his lips. 

 Franco smirked, "I suppose you're alright" he joked but he turned his head and nodded, "You are good too me and good for me, both things I really needed right now". He thought and then asked, "Am I helping you move on?"

"You are," Benji replied, mindlessly running his finger through Franco's hair as he spoke. "It's... hard to get over someone you've loved for that long. ...And you trying to beat him to a pulp definitely didn't help things--" he sighed lightly-- "but it is slowly getting easier. Because I'm not at the 'just move on'-stage anymore. I like you, Francie. I really, honestly, like you. And I like our relationship." 

He paused for a moment. "...Do you think I could help you stop smoking?"

Franco sighed, "I didn't want to hurt him, I wanted to hurt something which is why I kept punching the wall but I saw red and only thought about how he could take it like a Serpent could". He smiled at the words that followed and looked for Benji's spare hand, linking their fingers together. 

 Franco shook his head, "I don't want to give up Benji" he admitted, knowing it was that and the heroin that kept him going, "I like smoking and I don't want to stop for anyone. If they hurt you, you go back tenfold". He thought about his next question, "Would your family disapprove of your choice in me? Being a gang member and all".

Benji shook his head lightly, "Doesn't make it okay, Franc..." he reminded softly, obviously not wanting to talk about it anymore. 

"But Franc, it's so bad for you... And it's bad for me too, y'know... I just hate that you're doing something that you know is hurting you just because it feels good... there's other things you can do. Things that are healthier for you," he sighed lightly before continuing, "I'm... I'm not gonna force you. Just know that quitting is better for you. And if you ever decide to, I'll be here for every step." 

At the mention of his parents, Benji paused. He had never thought about it before. "Paul won't care," he explained, unsure what else to say there, "he tries to be supportive, but raising two gay sons... it all really goes over his macho head. Knowing him, he'd probably think it's normal for gay guys to date gang members," he joked. "As far as Dave... I don't know. I mean, he’s my brother. I'd like to think he'd accept it since he cares about me and my feelings and everything, but... you never know. I don't know."

He shifted slightly, "...If I asked you to, would you come to synagogue for Shabat one Friday?"

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe not but I would have tried to fight literally anyone at that point". 

Franco shook his head, "And I'll quit when I am ready OK? Please don't try and convince me otherwise" he said, almost begging. 

Franco listened to Benji talk about his family and sighed, "Paul is your dad right? Why don't you call him dad?" he asked, his mind full of questions about his family, "Like, your brother should understand about being gay and if he's gay, he'll see how attractive I am and be jealous" Franco tried to joke, "What about your mum?" he asked. 

 Franco paused at the question and shrugged his shoulders again, "Erm, I mean I could try but I would probably just burst into flames before I got through the door".

"Because he..." Benji shrugged, "Because he doesn't get me. I wouldn't be surprised if he was a fucking queerbasher when he was in school. And like, sure, he's tried to be better now, having two gay sons and all, but..." he waved the end of the sentence off, deciding to explain another way. "Unlike Dave, I was born in a  transparent closet. The moment I was able to walk, I wanted to dance--dance ballet--, and Paul never found a way to connect with me. He and Dave, they could at least bond over sports, y'know? But me and Paul... nothing. And he tried... I guess... but it... was never the right stuff. Like the only reason why I know Krav Maga was because he forced me to take it. I wasn't allowed to do ballet unless I did them both." 

At the mention of his mom, he looked away. "I don't know anything about my mom. All I know is that she was Paul's second marriage and that she was Jewish... They didn’t last that long. She packed up her shit and left Riverdale. Haven't heard from her since. No letter, no call, no visit... not once my whole life..." he let his thought trail off and crossed his arms, too upset now to comment on Franco's joke.

Franco listened hard and then he looked up at Benji and shifted, deciding to envelop the man in his arms and hold him instead of the other way around, "Hey babe" he breathed, "We can stop talking about this if you want" he breathed, kissing the side of Benji's head, "It really sucks to grow up without a family. I mean, I was lucky I had mine up till I was 18 and then I ran away from them and I never looked back". He held Benji close, "Come on, you mean so much too me, I don't like to see you sad".

Benji leaned into Franco's arms, but kept his own crossed, upset with himself for accidentally opening up old wounds. He took a deep, shaky breath, then turned to Franco, ignoring the stinging in his eyes. "Maybe we do the movie now," he replied, it more of a plea than a question.

Franco watched Benji and gulped, “I upset you didn’t I?” He asked, his own smile fading as he kissed Benji’s head again, “I’m sorry, but I don’t wanna watch a movie. I just wanna lie down cause I feel sick again”.

"I'm not upset with you," he replied, taking a deep breath. "We can stay here... That's fine. Let's just... change the subject."

Franco moved himself away from Benji and back to the pillows on his bed, resting his head down as he rolled onto his back. His body has started to shiver and sweat again and he felt sick as he clutched his stomach, “Tell me something good” he breathed through the pain.

Benji sat up a little, then looked down at Franco, giving him a soft smile. "Something good? Hmm..." he thought for a moment, then smiled, "We've been dating for 2 weeks now. That's a good thing."

Franco watched Benji, anything to distract him from the nauseous feeling in his stomach and his eyes widened a little, "2 weeks? You mean it's been three weeks since you came over and fucked me and called me an asshole on your way out the door?"

Benji rolled his eyes, "I mean... I was trying to focus on the happy part of it, but, I mean... that's technically true..."

Franco shrugged his shoulders, "The happy part? The first couple times we met, I am sure we hated each other and that was some hot hate sex" he laughed, "How it became this, I don't even know" and he moved a hand from his stomach, grabbing Benji's hand and smiling, "But I am glad it did".

Benji smiled back, giving Franco a soft kiss on his forehead. "I'm glad it did too, Motek."

[quarantinebreakup412081121]

Day 6: I slept through the night and didn't wake up crying this morning

So that's progress, right??? I think that the Theraflu helped me to kick whatever fever, etc. I had, because now I only feel sadness, not debilitating sickness. Head hurts a little- the way it hurts the day after I've cried intensely about something. I know this feeling because I had it probably weekly when I was with J, and I'd experienced a couple instances of it with R over the past month.

I'm trying to frame R as the bad guy, but it's still hard because I can't forget about all of the good--- because there was SO MUCH GOOD. I'm coming to realize though, that a large amount of the "good" was the face you put on for a person when you first meet and you're trying to get on their good side- even if you're not being 100% you. He did do some bad things, yes, but I keep finding my mind gravitating to the positive memories. That's natural and that happened with J right after we broke up, even though I knew he was 85% shit bag and 10% nice guy and probably 5% lizard person.

So here are some of the things that didn't, as he said "sit right with me" about him; let me know what you think.

1. He drank- like every day- like a couple or a few beers. I rarely drink, but I thought, if he can hold his shit together, we’re still having a good time- it's all good! Then one day, I was bringing up something we'd had a 20 minute conversation about the day before and he had NO IDEA what I was talking about. No recollection. He laughed and said "I was drunk!" I had NO idea because he seemed totally sober and I didn't realize that he'd had however many beers and like an entire large bottle of wine while we were playing video games with his friends. Come to think of it- I think the only times we were together and he wasn't drinking were when he drove here (I mean, I hope he didn't drink before he drove- WITH HIS DOG- over here.) And when we were out for a date day in Raleigh. He did have a couple drinks at lunch, but that's reasonable.  Any time he had a long day or something difficult happened- his first comment was about how he needed a drink.  I wish he’d sometimes just talked about some of those things instead of handling it with alcohol all the time.  That’s not healthy for anyone and eventually it will take its toll.

2. He drove tired. It was to see me (a 1 hour drive,) which I appreciated, but I'd have rather come to him or seen him a little less frequently if it meant he'd only drive when fully rested. Once again-- he had his dog with him every time, so he was putting them both-- and others-- at risk! This bothered me and I think it bothered him that I was bothered by it. He said he'd fallen asleep- like dozed off for a couple seconds- driving all the time and it was fine... 🤔🤔🤔 That's very much not okay.

3. He texted while driving. He said it's fine and he's okay and it's not a big deal. It stressed me out. Once again, I think he was bothered that I was bothered by him putting everyone in the car (plus others) at risk by driving distracted. But he's a cop and former military (and a white American man) so I guess there is that piece of him that believes he's above the law and he can just do what he wants.

4. He would not talk about his previous sexual partners- not a number, not anything, and he was adamant about it. I didn't like that; I didn't need details, I just wanted to have an idea of how many people he'd been with before me.  I just wanted to know that he was taking us seriously enough to talk about real life stuff like that.

5. He would not make our relationship official. We "dated exclusively" for 5 months and then he ghosted me.  And I was the one who asked him if we were exclusive during our first month because I assumed we were, but then I thought I should say it and get verbal confirmation before I ended up in a situation where I was dating someone who was dating other people because we’d never officially established those boundaries.

6. He wouldn't add me on social media because he "hardly used it." That was a gigantic red flag and I intentionally ignored it because he seemed genuine and it seemed like something silly to make a big deal of-- but I should have made it a big deal.  It didn’t sit 100% right with me, but I figured, not everybody is into social media and I don’t want to make it out to be a bigger thing than it was.  But what I realize now is that since it wasn’t a big deal, the fact that he was fighting against it was a sign that he was trying to hide something from me.

7. The only time he did a "weekend getaway" type of thing was when we were going to go to the beach a month after we first met. He was going to pick me up, we'd go to the beach for a few days and stay at a hotel there together. Then he said the person who was going to dog sit while we were gone had just lost their parent so they couldn't do it anymore, but he'd ask some other people. He said everyone he asked was unavailable, so he cancelled the hotel and said we could go to the beach for just the day and then do a Raleigh date- Disney Store, Build A Bear, cheesecake, sushi, etc. instead on the following day. But he's still be stealing me for the weekend. These were the first nights we spent together. After our Raleigh date, which included Disney Store (yay!) but no build a bear because the line was too long, and picking up cheesecake to go, we went to a different place to eat than originally planned because the restaurant wait was 2 hours. When we got back to his place, we watched TV and he gave me wine- I had a couple glasses- and those hit me pretty hard because I am a lightweight lol. I knew we were going to have our first time that night. It wasn't discussed, I just kind of knew, and he did, too... We had been building up to it so it wasn’t out of nowhere.  And I was ready- and I wanted to- so there was no issue with that. But looking back, I can't help but feel like he was trying to get some alcohol in me so I’d be more likely to go with it. He did not force anything on me at all, I could have stopped it at any time if that’s what I wanted, but I was totally aware and did what I wanted to do-- this still doesn't change his motivation for doing what he did and that on its own just doesn't "sit right with me." Also, it's convenient how he never sent me the hotel info before the trip got cancelled, and how everybody was unavailable, and how he was able to cancel the hotel so close to the time as well as the aquarium reservation (that I think you had to pay for.) Not saying any of this isn't what happened; it just seems really odd.

8. He would tell me the same stories again and again. I noticed him do it with his friends, too. And they'd just kind of laugh along- as if that's something they're used to. Had he already done some damage to his brain? I was concerned about that, for him and for me, but I figured, it's a quirk. I can deal with it.

9. He would always shit talk kids. Like he really disliked kids. He didn't want to go to the pool if there were "screaming kids" there. He said he did an escape room and there were kids there who ruined the experience. He talked about living with his ex (for many years) and how he got along okay with her kids but was closer with the toddler than the one in school. How do you LIVE with a person for years and then move out, but continue to date on and off, and just kind of get along okay with their kids?  And when he met my best friend and her husband and daughter, he was so great with her!  Didn’t even skip a beat talking to her and playing card games with her.  But I guess that’s all part of his ability to act like the “good guy” when he has to.  That makes more sense now.

10. The story of how he got his dog. The day we met he said as part of his sheriff dept rotation he had to work at the animal shelter and he ended up meeting Luna falling in love with her so brought her home with him. Couple months later, he's telling a story about it and said that it was his ex who wanted to get Luna and he only brought her with him after he moved out because Luna couldn't stay in the house alone with the cat and it was better for her to be with him where she didn't have to be crated all the time. So that was a good way to handle it, but that's definitely not the story I was told about him and his bond with Luna. He absolutely loves her more than anything now, but that's just something that there's no need to lie about?

11. He didn't like taking pictures. He said he didn't like his smile. I liked his smile; I still like his smile. It's cute and sweet and him and I always loved seeing it. But I get it, everyone has their issues with themselves. I told him I loved taking pics and that I was just taking them for me- they wouldn't be posted anywhere. He obliged a couple times for selfies and Snapchat filtered pics, but I could tell he didn't want to, so I wouldn't ask- and when we were at his friends' wedding party, there was a lovely floral setup and I wanted a pic together, and he saw the pic I took there by myself and asked if I wanted one of us there together, but I thought I should say no, so that if be compromising with the photo taking and his dislike of photos. I said, do you want a pic? And he said he never wanted to take pics, did I want a pic? And I said it's alright, he'd already been in another pic with me earlier. I was clearly disappointed and he should have just said-- it's fine, give ********* your phone and let's get one. But he said okay and we never got it. And if I had to do that kind of thing forever, I would have absolutely hated it.

12. When we met, he said he wanted to go to Disney with me, and that even though he gets motion sickness, he'd take Dramamine and go on rides with me and he'd be fine. Then another time he said if I could convince his other couple friends to go, me and the girl could go on rides and he and the guy could wait for us and drink 🤦🏽‍♀️. Then another time he said that he probably wouldn't much fun at the parks because he couldn't do anything. I never even asked him again-- these were just things he was bringing up to back out. Disney is my life and if my partner can't- or won't- do park trips with me, what's the point???

13. He said he loved the beach and used to love there and that he goes all the time. Then I told him I love the beach, too! He said that as a school resource officer, it was easy to get time off during the summer when school wasn't in session. I waited. We never went to the beach. He took one day off all summer and that was because his friend came over to spend Friday night with him before a card game competition on Saturday. I only benefited from part of that because I drove up Thursday night (through the worst storm of the year) and we went to the pool for a couple hours on Friday. I thought he did it for me, for us to spend time together... But it turns out, he didn't. He just fit me into something that was already in the works.

14. He didn't have any pet names for me, he didn't really ever compliment me outside of a few times when we first met, or the occasional, "I like those shoes/that dress/your hair like that." He didn't greet me through text with cutesy things, just a couple times when he said "what's cookin good lookin?" And that was it.

15. Presents- this isn't about physical presents, but rather about thoughtfulness and effort being reciprocated. The only presents he ever gotten me were two Build-A-Bears when we were at the mall another time, after the first date BAB plans fell through. We were walking around and the line wasn't super long, so I kind of pushed to go and he tried to avoid it, sort of, but gave in. I got a brown bear with a Captain America suit and R's voice saying "I'm Captain Falcon, huhu." He'd gotten confused once and called Falcon & Winter Soldier Captain Falcon, so that was a little joke we shared. And the laugh was just a cute and silly laugh he'd do. It was adorable. Also got a mermaid bear with a shiny beachy dress because she was as sassy and extra as me! It was so sweet and so fun and I just thought, this is real- I've found someone who gets and accepts me without judgement.

I had given him a matching St. Patrick's day shirt- we wore those together. I special ordered custom "pea in a pod #1" (him) and "pea in a pod #2" (me) shirts because he always said we're two peas in a pod. I tried to get him to wear it, but he said he was saving it for another time and that we'd get pics in them and then it was forgotten and we never wore them together. I took mine every time I visited; it was a staple in my overnight duffel.

I gave him a Grape Soda Ellie Badge Pin (from Pixar's Up) to show him how much I really liked him. I sent him cards in the mail. I got him a huge candle- like a nice $30 candle- because he always had candles lit around his apartment. I got him a beach/pool towel because he would just use a regular bath towel when he went out to the pool. He said he liked mint tea, so I got him a large Epcot Starbucks mug and a container of Starbucks Mint Tea. I gave Luna multiple bags of dog treats and a couple bandanas. I gave him a nice blanket to lay on the couch so Luna could sit on the couch without messing it up- because before that he wasn't letting her on the couch because he said it would ruin the couch. My mom made meals and sent them at least 4 or 5 times. I made cheesecake- his favorite dessert- more times than I can count and took it for him. I also made rice pudding for him when he mentioned that he liked rice pudding. Anything he mentioned or anything I noticed- I was on top of it because I wanted to do things to show him I was listening and I cared. I already had a Christmas present for him and a couple presents for his friends.  They’re still up in my closet. I know he wanted the next Mario Party game for Switch so I was going to get it for him for his birthday, along with a new pair of Crocs because he showed me how his were wearing out at the bottom, but he still kept wearing them. I'm also not working right now and he is working- so if $ is a factor- it's harder on my end for this stuff. I never got flowers- even just a couple. He made dinners for me, but I made dinners for him too. He'd buy us Taco Bell sometimes, but it wasn't like a thoughtful gesture type of thing. I guess he isn't a card writer, so that would have been too much to expect... I always talked about my interests and passions and things that I enjoyed- so I would have been super easy to surprise with something- anything! Maybe like a cupcake from the cupcake shop down the road from him that would be closed by the time I'd arrive in town when I was visiting him. I didn't need anything huge, but he just isn't that type of person- not with me. He'd tell me how he went to this place or that place, because his ex wanted to go to a certain place for New Year's, so they went, or she wanted to check out somewhere else, so they went. And it hurt that I was getting a different side of him than she got- especially considering this was so early on and this was probably the best I'd get from him. One day I noticed that Luna's tags were never updated, so they still had R's number and his ex's number as contacts. I popped her # into Facebook and found her. She seems nice. I wouldn't know. The kids seem like regular kids. She's white. I think I already knew that though. I guess I'm 2 for 2 on being given less than I deserve by a man because I'm brown. It's f*cking hurtful.

16. He didn't brush his teeth after waking up; he'd eat first and that's just something I'm not a fan of. It's like a pet peeve of mine, and I refuse to kiss someone in the morning before we have both brushed our teeth. I did it one time-- I'd already brushed my teeth because I HATE morning breath. He hadn't. We were messing around I guess, and for some reason I just did it. Never again.

17. I never slept through the night with him in his bed. Maybe that was my subconscious telling me something was wrong and I shouldn't be there, but try as I might, I never could. We switched sides once, that helped some, but I was still up throughout the night. I took Benadryl to make me drowsy, it just made me sick. I took Melatonin; it didn't help. I had wine before bed once, it didn't help.  I guess my body was never going to acclimate to it because it was fighting its way out of something it knew it shouldn't be in.

18. He insisted I sign the wedding frame with him at his friends' wedding party (that's what his friends had instead of a guest book.) I told him he should just do it by himself, but he insisted. This seemed like he was telling me that he wanted us to be long term and that I'd be a part of his life and his friends' life for a while. He gave me hope and intentionally/unintentionally misled me into believing that everything was great and that he thought we were a good fit. He did this until he hit me with "I don't think we're a good match" and disappeared. Who pulls a 180 like that?? Rather, what kind of functional adult does something like that? Answer: they don't.

19. He didn't like stand up comedy. None of it, not at all. He said it's too forced. What the hell does that even mean. Everyone likes standup????

20. He wouldn't plan things, because he said his mom would plan vacations and other things down to the hour and that ruined trips for them-- okay I get that. And he has really intense and negative feelings toward his mother- they don't even speak. A lot happened in his family and he has his reasons. He told me about that stuff and it all made sense and he needs to handle those things in a way that's best for him. But he never stuck to plans with us. Everything was always changing. It was stressful to expect to go to the beach and aquarium and then hear, oh were going to the mall instead and tomorrow we'll do that. Then tomorrow it would be, oh we missed the aquarium window so we're just going to go to the beach. Then on the way to the beach, he pulls into a zoo parking lot and now we're at the zoo. This is too much crazy for me and if this is how he does everything... I can't handle it long term.  Or he would say we were going to do things- long term and short term, small things and big things- and I’d get excited about them, but then they’d just never happen and he;d make no effort to make them happen.

21. He's really wasteful. It's kind of a side effect of living along as a single guy and trying to be efficient. He tosses like a few things into the wash or the dryer, doesn't wait for a full load. One time I'm pretty sure he put in two towels and that was it. He only uses his dishwasher, but used almost as much water to rinse off the dishes before he loaded them in the dishwasher as he would to just wash them. He throws out recyclables (not his fault, the apartment is only collecting trash since the pandemic started.) But instead of using like a Brita filter, he just buys shit tons of bottled water.

22. All of his meals consist of the same basic group of foods. Cut up turkey sausage, turkey bacon (half of the time burnt- not crispy, BURNT,) eggs, hot sauce, wonton strips, salad, wontons, beyond meat/shrimp tacos. I didn't love the tacos, but they were the first thing he made me (our first date at his place) and he was so excited about them that I couldn't not love them. He made them again when I met his dad.

23. He wore one of two pairs of shoes all the time. He wore solid polos and khaki shorts or pants anytime we went out. At home, it was athletic shorts and an old Hanes t-shirt (usually a white one, sometimes a black one.) I understand comfort but like... He never tried to look nice for me and I always had multiple outfits with me just in case. He did wear the St. Patrick's day shirt I got for him a couple times.

24. I think he was genuinely bothered by my celebrity crush on Chris Evans. And this isn’t like how I used to be kind of jealous of Taylor Swift when my ex was obsessed with her-- because I knew he was never going to pursue her or walk up to her on the street and leave me for her.  Obviously the same goes for Chris Evans.  I'm not even going to say anything else about this because it's ridiculous.

25. When we met he said he was respectful of people's passions and the things they like because why wouldn't you be? We even talked about how my ex looked down on me for the things I enjoyed.  But I really do feel like he wasn't about my love of Disney or Concerts or beach time... You can never trust men in the beginning. They all just lie until they get what they want and then you see true colors.  Why not support the passions of someone you care about?  What does that take away from you?

To be continued... I need to make myself eat something. Fever didn't come back today so hopefully it's done for real now.

[nothingnicetosaysitnexttome]

90 Day Fiance: Season 7, Episode 4

Ooooh chile. The biggest takeaways for me this episode were thank goodness for Anny/Robert and Anna/Mursel b/c the rest of y’all sleeping on your responsibility to entertain. Let’s start with the worst and get to the best and by best I mean (5 dumpster fires out of 5 dumpster fires)

MIKE and NATALIE

We start with Mike leaving his beloved ranch in RURAL Washington state to the best side character to emerge on this show-Beau. Seriously his 10 seconds on screen was the highlight of this reel. We then flash to Natalie and her two friends in Ukraine (umm...have I been saying it wrong for years by saying-the Ukraine?) who are imitating human women going shopping. No joke, this is some earth girls are easy shit but with a gender swap. When Natalie yelled “vote!” on the dress to her two friends I had to check if they were blinking. We then get some background on Natalie via ‘exposition friend’ who she knows from work. Okay, big request to 90 day, alongside their country can you please put their profession? Everyone always says “job” “work” I NEED to know what these people are paid to do. Thank you, TLC. Natalie used to be married to a man who owned a big business. He could spoil her and give her all she wants. I needed them to call in a shady editor over from the early Rupaul’s Drag Race series to pull up some footage of the ranch. Something tells me Natalie gon be bustin out

We also hear Natalie talk about how Mike had a weight issue and that was important to her because she is such an active person. Judging by the pictures they were showing before I think Mike’s in for some serious body-shaming. He arrives and says “look at my cute little girl” and I almost vommed. Then he described her in the bedroom for a solid 60 seconds going through the entire motions of acting out a tigress and I projectile vomited everywhere. No surface in this house was left untouched. He then says hi to her mom who adores him even though neither of them can speak a word to each other and I suspect it is because the mom knows this man is her daughter’s ticket out of this home and they head off to play tigress meets the... I can’t I can. not.

MICHAEL and JULIANA

Unless I blacked out which -let’s be real is possible-they were in this episode for a solid three minutes. The kids continue to bring on wisdom well beyond their years and Juliana thinks it is a smart idea to style her hair and the daughter’s hair the same. The princess Leigh do only makes her look even younger. The kid’s bi-o-log-i-cal mother shows up and iconically states: “some women may be intimidated by someone so young, so tall, so skinny, so gorgeous, so intelligent, so traveled but I don’t have time for that.” And I said let the preacher say amen! She then says to Juliana there will be no parenting for you which- if I was 20- I’d be like fine with me brah y’all have it. I take “not mothering” to mean I’m never gonna discipline these kids, pay for anything they gotta do, and when they wanna stay up all night cool step-not mom is gonna allow it.

BLAKE and JASMIN

So we are introduced to Blake and Jasmin. It was very hard to focus because this man had straight-up JT NYSYNC bleached to high heavens Ramen hair on top and a Michael B Jordan beard in black on the bottom. But he starts describing going on a dating app after getting divorced at a young age and I’m like this looks promising. They’re about the same age, they’re both attractive, she comes from Finland which people are not fleeing in droves (in fact girl can I get trade citizenship with you- don’t ask why- it rhymes with Rump) and then a couple red flags come in each with a full music stop. The first is that this grown man lives with his parents which seems to be this season’s theme. As soon as he said that I was like hold up- hold the phone. And this is not a Norman Bates situation like Colt-e and Larissa where he is living there because his mom is his everything. This is a-I’m poor as hell and this “music thing” is me “uploading tik toks on the regular thing.” So how is he paying for this visa? The second was that Jasmin’s sister won the green card lottery and lives ten mins from Blake’s house.This got me thinking back to the  dating app they met on like hold up-he said he didn’t realize she didn’t even live in America which means this feisty minx right here probably put up like a 10-mile radius around her sister’s house. Maaaan, don’t hate the playa hate the game. Annnyyywaaay the sister and Blake drive to the airport together and the sister seems like she is not quite present. She mentions being excited to get to know Blake followed by him asking her several questions and her with the lights on, but no one home. I was very curious if Jasmin was going to have the same energy and surprise! She does. When they get back to the hotel room he says they have some alone time what should they do and she responds “shower and sleep” SAVAGE.

TANIA and SYNGIN

Now Tania pulls a move here that is a classic 90-day fiance guaranteed fail. As someone who has been watching the series since day 1 you never spend the first few days in a place waaaay better than the nowherelseville you live in. So after taking him to NY to stay in a hotel they go to CT to her mom’s shed. That’s no shade to CT but you could take me to a shed in the south of France and I’d be like I’m out. She should’ve had them share a room in an elderly home for a few days and been like surprise! private shed! On top of that she told him it was ready and it ain’t. And on top on top of that she is bossing him around to get the work done as fast as possible exactly how she wants it. If I was Syngin, I would’ve gone straight: 

and been like if we living in a shed it’s Syngin’s shed, Syngin’s rules, and Syngin’s way of life. But instead, they have an explosive fight on day 4, which is always great when you have 90 days.

ROBERT and ANNY

Now this couple is taking me on the roller coaster I was promised. This is the enterTAINTment a bitch needs! One minute I’m team Robert, the next minute I’m team Anny (to be fair I am like 85% Team Robert but you get the point). So it starts off with them going off to meet Bryson’s grandparents. The mom is out of the picture but the grandparents are not and Anny is so upset about it. I am like why is she acting so weird about this and saying they need to leave the past in the past.

Then grandma shows up....

and grandma is fooooooooiiiiiiine as all hell. I was like ooohhhh got it Anny, got it. Also, is Bryson’s mom 12? Nana Stephanie proceeds to have a very rational- if not a little invasive -conversation with Anny who is not having her at all. She is at an 11 straight out the gate. And when Stephanie reveals herself to be a porn star (Diamond Foxxx-you’re welcome) Anny is all that’s disgusting she’s uneducated. And that is some bullshit. If Stephanie wants to be a porn star, by all means, do you. Robert then takes Anny to a restaurant when she really should be in bed with some Theraflu. In this hoarse voice, Anny pulls out a bunch of screenshots of Robert’s exes on his fbook. I'm on the fence on this one. For the most part, I think it's fine if you keep up pics from old relationships but I suppose I could see why it might bother someone. Then Robert reveals Bryson is not his only child. Oh no-the man has FIVE children by four different women. That was a full mic-drop moment for me. I was like hey umm DJ run that back. Did you say five? Four baby-mamas? And where are these children?  They have been portraying this man as this savior single father and did not let us know about the other kids until episode FOUR. Well done, TLC. You go for that Emmy.

ANNA and MURSEL

With this couple I simply cannot. I have zero idea what this man’s motivations are. He does not seem into Americans or American culture and he does not seem into Anna. Is he a hostage? Honestly, I do not know. They go on a bee-keeping adventure which for them is foreplay but the man is shading Anna’s bee-keeping abilities!

She is trying to use this whole experience to set off a night with some bubbly and Boyz II men playing and he is not getting it. at. all. because neither of them understands a word the other one says. She’s all-”does my bee-keeping make you horny baby?” and he's like “bees, yes.” They’re then on their way to what I think is her bridal shower and she is telling him to talk to her friends but she literally has to hand motion “talk.” He arrives and understands nothing and no one commenting on how in Turkey only men have bachelor parties. Oh my non-alcohol drinking friend you have yet to see a bachelorette party. All her friends are confused because these two can barely communicate like even on the most basic of levels. In terms of relationships via google translator, I would put them BELOW Paul and Karine and that's a low ass standard.

So that is this week’s episode of 90 day fiancee! RIP to Angela and Michael and Sasha and Emily because they were not shown for a single second. We keep you in our prayers.

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/20/2018 DAB Chronological Transcript

Acts 11-12

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm China. Today is the 20th day of November. Welcome. It is great to be here with you guys today. I have a little helper today. I have a mug of hot water and Theraflu,  which has been kind of my side kick this whole weekend. Well, it's not really the weekend anymore, we're into our week, but this past weekend I played caretaker of my sick boyfriend and was trying to make sure that I don't get it and hoping that my immune system does not fail me. But here I am just drinking all of the liquids that I can possibly think of. So instead of coffee or tea or anything glamourous, I am drinking hot water mixed with things that will boost up my immune system in all the fabulous ways possible. But I hope you guys are enjoying this beautiful Tuesday wherever you are. Prepping for Thanksgiving and just enjoying your week. Holidays typically tend to be crazy and just a blink of an eye and maybe stressful and just crazy and chaotic. But just take a moment to take a deep breath and enjoy the present of this moment, whether you're listening on your way to work or on to school or from somewhere and you're running errands. Or whatever it is, just allow the word of God bring peace and just wash over you throughout your day, throughout your commute or if you're sitting down and you're spending that time and you're dedicating it to be present. Or no matter what it is, (I) just encourage you to stay present in the word of the Lord today because  it's going to be good.

So today we are in the book of Acts and we're in chapters 11-12. And for this week we're in the Good News Translation.

Commentary:

If you've ever heard the New Testament or especially the gospels referred to as the good news, I think today's story is a great advocate for why it is referred to as the good news. Peter is continuously following what the Lord told him to do. And, man, if anyone has ever followed a day in their life what Jesus has asked them to do, you can testify that it isn't always easy. And it definitely isn't always what you expect. And that's okay and it's good because it's an adventure. And who likes knowing every detail of what's going to happen? As much as we think that we want that it's still not all that fun. But I know that whether figuratively or literally, some of you can relate to this story. Something of a great injustice has happened and Peter is in prison for something that he was asked to do. That he was living out his life solely for Jesus. And Jesus told him, hey, this is gonna happen. This is going to be the down side of this. But keep heart. Keep the faith. Don't stop. And that's exactly what Peter does, but, man, sometimes we forget so easily. And we lose heart. And we can get very discouraged and we're wondering, Lord, where are you? I'm in this prison cell for something that I shouldn't be in here for. And we're waiting for the Lord to rescue us. But the good news is that the Lord is never late. He's always on time. He only knows how to be on time. And what I find so comforting is the fact that the Lord knows our situation, he knows our heart. And he knows that we're going to be stressed out or that we're going to be freaking out or that we're, like, replaying the life events in our head. Because Peter was going to be killed the next day. Herod had the assignment, the order, probably the paper work if there was any. Everything was a done deal. They were gonna go to sleep, wake up and Peter was going to be killed. But Jesus said, Nope. This is not what I have in plan. And so an angel comes and he actually confirms things to Peter. And Peter's like, Now I know it's the truth. And that is the good news. And that is the great encouragement today to have, whether or not you're going through something. It just feels like, Wait a second, Lord. Wait a second! This isn't what I was expecting. Or maybe, this was what I was expecting, but still this sucks. Take heart that the Lord does not intend for you to stay in a place that feels hopeless and dark and scary. He's actually coming to rescue you. And I believe that with all of my heart. That the Lord will never stop coming after us and trying to rescue us.

Song:

Rescue - Lauren Daigle

You are not hidden There's never been a moment You were forgotten You are not hopeless Though you have been broken Your innocence stolen

I hear you whisper underneath your breath I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army to find you In the middle of the darkest night It's true, I will rescue you

There is no distance That cannot be covered Over and over You're not defenseless I'll be your shelter I'll be your armor

I hear you whisper underneath your breath I hear your SOS, your SOS

I will send out an army to find you In the middle of the darkest night It's true, I will rescue you I will never stop marching to reach you In the middle of the hardest fight It's true, I will rescue you

I hear the whisper underneath your breath. I hear you whisper, you have nothing left

I will send out an army to find you In the middle of the darkest night It's true, I will rescue you I will never stop marching to reach you In the middle of the hardest fight It's true, I will rescue you

Oh, I will rescue you

[jkoorsjr]

The state of BEING mindset over framework and use of multiple frameworks

I have read so many articles from nay-sayers lately.  “Death of Agile”  “Agile Doesn’t Work” “DevOps, The New Agile” on-and-on-and-on about misinformed and lack of understanding, or simply just bad experiences... OR, maybe just negative people.  Or, a mix of all of thee above.

First one must know, Agile is a value and culture system built on a manifesto (written mostly or by all software engineers themselves) with a series of values and principles.  GREAT, what does that mean?  That means a culture embodying these principles and values must be created.  Is this a process?  NO - It is a mindset so that you can honor certain things above other things on a scale of importance.  It is a system for focusing on and honoring customers, feedback loops, PEOPLE (such as burnout of developers), quality, faster delivery of WORKING software, collaboration, bridging the gap between business people and dev teams, motivation, self-organization, simplicity and continually improving product and process!  Generally I find the best Agile cultural environments breed HIGH trust, fun, energy, talking, visuality, great teaming and flexibility.  This is something you have to BE.  That is why you here, we are being Agile as opposed to “doing” Agile. This my friends, is AGILE.  

Now that I debunked that, how can you tell me these qualities are “Dead” or “Must Die”???

So what is this “framework” you speak of?  Framework is the method or tool utilized to get something done while still living in belief of this Agile state of being.  There is an Agile Umbrella, which umbrellas a multitude of frameworks.  Scrum, Kanban, Lean, XP, FDD, DSDM, Crystal...

I will digress for a moment.  I have also heard, “I’ve been there, done that, have the t-shirt to prove it and I have tried all those fad processes and buzzword project management terms and where some have value or strengths, they also have flaws and when we put more effort in this than outcomes, it’s essentially a waste and we aren’t doing ourselves any favors.”

Okay.... So here is my counter to that, “Stop, just stop. - Don’t use any process.  Send that football team on the field without a playbook.  Let that runner steal third base or home anytime he wants.  Blindly play chess and see who wins.  What do you think all these outcomes will be?  So if you devalue utilization of a framework or a process this much (yes, even traditional waterfall) then how do you suggest we operate?”

I always say, something, anything is better than nothing.  Put a small wrapper around it.  You know, like that plastic thingy that holds the 6-pack together so the cans don’t roll all over the place and it makes it easier to carry.  It’s not much, seems almost inconsequential in life... but have big meaning giving it’s little value people put in it.  So here, select a framework and start there.  It’s not 1-size-fits-all.  Don’t cram a square peg through a round hole.  But start with something and true to the essence of Agile, inspect, adapt and do it quickly.  This is framework.  Where I do agree, when all you do is focus on process, framework and the how, you can lose sight of output, outcome and the why’s.  This is why you must inspect and adapt iteratively and not obsess over it.  This is exactly what coaches are for, that team, self or enterprise realization of what went wrong and how to we improve on a routine basis without taking our eyes off the prize of delivering “Working Software” to get that quick return.

I have to add the caveat that you may use some of the best qualities of many frameworks.  Again, this is what an Agile Coach is for.  How can we take the best of Scrum, the best of Kanban and even improvise to fine tune it to our needs.  It’s like going to a doctor and he gives you a prescription.  If you have a bacterial infection, do you think he’ll prescribe you Theraflu?  If he does, how do you think that will work for you?  If you have the Flu is it wise for him to prescribe you a Z-pack?  This same thought process applies in this world.  You diagnose the problem, then work on a prescribed method to solve the problem.  Seriously though, if left up to a team to do... they will not Retrospect, they will not talk about a prescription and they will not have the ideas that a real process expert and Agilist will have (therein is part of the value of this person).  ONLY one of the less than 1-2% of all Ri teams (Shu-Ha-Ri, look it up) will be able to do this.

Now onto the last thing and it’s this so-called DevOps buzz word.  Like we just leapfrogged 10 years forward into this world of DevOps and skipped clear over the Shu and the Ha.  DevOps isn’t new like some think it is.  It also doesn’t replace already established frameworks and IT IS Agile or an extension of Agile.  How so?  Because this was the discovery that if Agile leads to building a bridge for Developers to work better with Business People to deliver faster, we now need that same kind of bridge for Developers to work with Operations to actually deploy just as fast.  So take Agile out of the mix, take frameworks out of the mix... what is there to deploy fast?  Yep, bottleneck due to chaos just formed on the front end of this development process.  It’s like development feng shui!  They work hand-in-hand!  Think of what Apple did moving from Classic 9 to OSX - Microsoft could not keep up with the development and deployment of their Windows operating system.  They were outmatched!  You should also know, that you have to be Ha or Ri with Agile and framework to get the true speed and (Lean term coming here) throughput/cycle-time out of DevOps.

So I would say this.... dig further in.  Learn more about the differences between Agile, frameworks and DevOps... then start trying to cast blame, accuse or say something isn’t working.  Instead of making accusations, maybe, just maybe it’s time to inspect and adapt.  BTW - some of the best Agilist and Agile teams I’ve seen - VERY high on EQ (Emotional Quotient, or Emotional Intelligence - the art of self-awareness).