#Because everyone gets their own personal heaven and Dean's doesn't exist without Sam

[future-dregs]

Until Sam dies, Dean is in a peaceful purgatory.

Represented by an unending, forever highway. And yes, he's there with his Baby, but Dean doesn't actually enter Heaven until he stops on that bridge, and Sam's soul is joined to his once more. Then, and ONLY then, does Dean Winchester actually pass through, and enter Heaven.

[soulsam]

Ask game!! For Sam and Dean both:

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

OMG HELLO TUMBLR USER SPNTRUNK???? WHAT AN HONOR

I will ramble about my samdean thoughts ANY TIME so thank you for indulging me lol

1a. for sam, I loooove when the fandom acknowledges and magnifies his obsession with dean. he's slightly quieter about it (he doesn't go around yelling YOU TOUCH MY BROTHER AND ILL KILL YOU the way dean does) but that doesn't make him any less codependent or any less freakish!!!!!! he is JUST as insane about dean as dean is about him, and I LOVE to see that explored

1b. for dean, I love fandom discussions of his experiences with romance and sex and what they mean to him. I feel like the show mostly goes "dean sleeps around lol" and leaves it at that, but sometimes you get a glimpse of something else (cassie, lisa), and I always found those parts to be extremely intriguing. because dean can be such a hopeless romantic!!! he just doesn't let himself have good things, he holds them at arms length so that when he inevitably loses them it might not hurt so much. it's so heartbreaking and I could write academic essays about it probably. (as a sidenote, this aspect of his character is part of why I love samdean so much. he and sam have their moments, they've been separated by thousands of miles and death itself and it hurts dean terribly, but they always find their way back to each other. sam is the one person who dean has never really lost, not forever. and now that they're in their shared(!!!!) heaven, he never will.)

2a. I am going to have to try so so so so so hard not to write an essay about this one. the way the wider fandom treats sam makes my blood BOIL. tossing him to the side, pretending he doesn't exist, saying dean would be better off without him, etc. I hate all of it. I hate the way he gets sidelined in his own story, and the worst part is that THE SHOW ITSELF DOES IT TOO. SO I CANT EVEN BLAME THE STUPID FANDOM ENTIRELY. but if I had to pick one thing that I hate the most about the fandom's treatment of sam...I think I would be unoriginal and choose the purgatory debacle. there are just so many reasons why he shouldn't be blamed so harshly for the way he handled that time period. like. 1. he had JUST gotten hallucifer out of his head. he was having psychotic episodes so bad he nearly DIED, he barely even knew what was real and what was a hallucination. 2. he was ALONE. bobby was dead, dean and cas were, by all accounts, dead. his whole family was GONE. I can't even imagine the grief he must have endured in that time. I wouldn't be surprised if he had been suicidal, or if he'd had another psychotic break. and 3. WHERE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO GO LOOKING? he had no reason to think that dean SURVIVED the dick-splosion, and even if he was certain he had, sam KNOWS how dangerous it is to open the door to purgatory. and he couldn't exactly ask cas about it, could he? what was he supposed to do, summon crowley? yeah I'm sure that would've gone great. plus, 4. he and dean AGREED not to look for each other. sure, they make and break those kinds of promises often, but come the fuck on. how is it fair to ask sam, hopeless and alone and barely even functional enough to stand on his own two feet, to defy the promise he and dean made in order to bring him back from the dead and probably let something else nasty out along with him? that hardly seems reasonable to me.

um. I got heated about that one. anyway everyone lay off sam about purgatory okay. including dean. I get why he was upset but man cmon.

2b. this one's going to be shorter because I'm pissed about purgatory now lol but I hate when people make dean out to be some kind of. horrific wifebeater (and sam his battered, trapped woman). like. yeah. he's got anger issues and violent tendencies. yes, he often fails to break the cycle of abuse. yes, he lashes out at sam, and that's bad. but like. sam doesnt need protection from dean??? sam doesnt need liberation from dean???? dean isn't some horrible monster who belittles his brother for shits and giggles. he's a man who's seen way too much, lost way too much. it hurts to look at the ways he's changed, but he's doing the best he fucking can. also, pet peeve!! I HATE HATE HATE when people point to the behavior he exhibited while he had the mark of cain and go "see!! see!!! it was inside him all along!!!! he's a terrible person!!!!" LIKE. UM. HES LITERALLY BEEN SADDLED WITH AN ANCIENT CURSE. I DONT THINK ITS FAIR TO PROJECT ITS EFFECTS ONTO HIS CHARACTER, ACTUALLY. it annoys me soooooo bad. like did they miss the parts where he tried everything he could to keep his urges under control? did they miss the horrified look he'd have on his face after he went on a killing spree he couldn't stop? it's willful ignorance, and I hate that shit!!! I hate it!!!!!

genuinely though. and maybe this is silly to say after all that rambling. I don't want to be negative here. I love my (our!!) little corner of this fandom and I genuinely unironically love this show with every fiber of my being. it's my favorite piece of media ever and maybe that's partly just recency bias but like. I had sworn off live action TV for weird personal reasons (if you go looking, I have a personal post saying I refused to reblog spn posts because I didn't want gifs of real people on my blog. lmao) and yet here I am. I love this show. I love the wincest fandom. I love my mutuals. and as soon as I finish the finale I'm probably just going to start the whole damn thing over again.

oh also SPNTRUNK I LOVE YOUR ART !!! WTF!!!! HI???? IM STILL KIND OF IN AWE LOL

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[deaneverafter]

Just came across a post saying that any other ending would've been ooc, one of the reasons being it would be impossible to have anything else in that limited time, and I-

I'm not saying a lot of "issues" that have been raised since the finale aren't baseless. Lack of any number of random supporting characters, or ships, did not make the finale bad. The deliberately cruel and unworthy ending dabb's revenge fanfic gave Dean made it bad. Saying that Dean wouldn't want some safety and agency and that's why it had to be like this is ignorant at best, malicious at worst, because we've seen him fighting for something better. For years and years, we've seen that. And we've seen him having a normal life and being happy, and we've seen him do it without abandoning his brother. So saying that he couldn't get to some sort of situation where he is happy and safe and has a long life, that's just not true. Saying that he wouldn't want to get out of hunting (which is just not true, when he's spoken of retiring, even in the finale itself, he has a plan) and so it had to be this way, is also silly, because even IF that were true, there's a million other endings other than him retiring and the fever dream that we got. So, so damn many.

So, saying that Dean didn't want to be happy, or that there couldn't be happiness in the span of one episode, that's just not true. Especially when 15x19 exists right there. I mean, sure, there was room for improvement in the first sections, the first of which would be the Winchesters having some actual agency and part in defeating the villains. But the ending? Them driving off into the sunset? I mean, are there endings out there that I think would be even better? Sure. But, with a writers' room full of people who hate Dean, I would've settled for this ending happily. It really is the best we could've had, in a way that I find it hard to fathom that the one after was filmed despite that.

Them in their car, driving off? The people who wanted them to keep hunting, well, they can rest assured that they're hunting. The people who wanted them to get out of hunting together, that's what happened (I personally thought that's what that scene signified at first watch). People who wanted them to be driving to yet another big battle and dying in a blaze of glory, or some random hunt? There you go. People who wanted them to get out, and then settle down and have their own lives, each with their own blurry wives? Perfect, that's what happened. One of them keeps hunting and the other gets out? That is absolutely possible.

Everyone who actually cared about the story and the characters could've been happy. Instead we got the one where Dean is thrown out like he's nothing and Sam reaches his full selfish asshole potential, and one side is crying that the random people who the story wasn't about to begin with weren't there, and the other side praising the ending that treated Dean like nothing, where Sam abandons him for no reason whatsoever (brotherly love, where?), and then they both get trapped in the heaven ruled by the very entities these people wanted them away from.

So saying there was any reason, other than dabb's hatred and spite for Dean, that that finale had to happen when 15x19 is right there is absurd. Usually, I just do my best to ignore that that fever dream even took place (doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, because it does, so damn much. Still. I'm not interested in letting anything take Dean away from me, and certainly not one trashy fic, riddled with nonsense, potholes and full of disrespect for Dean, his life and his story, written by Dean's #1 hater). But when I see claims and "justifications" like this, well, I just can't stay quiet.

[deans-mind-palace]

Masterlist

So, welcome to my master list. It will be updated every few days. Gifs are not mine, they belong to their creator!

Dean Winchester

Ripped at every edge - Dean x Neutral!Reader. After a hunt gone wrong, Sam and Dean fight. As soon as Sam leaves the room you have to pick up the broken pieces of Dean Winchester. Based on ‘Colors’ by Halsey.

Two little letters - Dean x Fem!Reader. With Dean’s help you manage to escape an abusive and unhealthy relationship. You live a happy life until your past catches up with you. A chain of unfortunate coincidences leads to a heartbroken Dean. Will you be able to save your relationship? (requested)

Stitches - Dean x Fem!Reader. Y/N is in love with Dean, unbeknownst to him. During a hunt he saves her and risks his own life. He nearly died and now you have a grumpy, on the floor bleeding hunter sitting on your bed and you are just about to explode. (requested)

Sweet as marshmallows - Dean x Male!Reader. Things get heated between you and the elder hunter after a dangerous Wendigo hunt. (requested)

Icarus - Dean x Reader. You‘re an unworried person who is always optimistic and such a sharp contrast to your secret crush Dean. You have to show Dean that he mustn’t carry the world‘s pain on his own shoulders. Sometimes you just gotta live a little. Skinny dipping is the solution.

Verity - Dean x Neu!Reader. During her last breath, the witch had taken revenge. Things get interesting when Dean’s hit by a truth spell. Unfortunately, it is not easy to hide a secret if you always have to tell the truth. But that doesn't explain why Dean is avoiding you all the time, does it?

Sam Winchester

You’re a hooker, sweetheart - Sam x Reader. You’ve always had a thing for the younger Winchester brother. Ever since you first met Sam and his cute smile. But you were always too afraid of confessing your crush to him. One day he hooks up with a random girl after a hunt. That’s when you’re having it! You’re tired of suppressing. What will Sam have to say? (requested)

Suspirium - Prof!Sam x Fem!Reader. You’re in your last year of your Classics and Modern Languages studies and you’re majoring in Latin and English. Then you get assigned to a different Latin teacher. And damn, he loves his subject. Too bad that he’s also hot. What is just a childish crush soon develops into something way more complicated.

Castiel

That’s the thing with nightmares - Cas x Neutral!Reader. Sweet Castiel comforts you after a terrible nightmare which leads to lots of cuddles.

Heavenly touch - Cas x Fem!Reader. You’re in your last year of high school. But nothing goes according to plan. While your older brothers are hunting demons down you have to attend school in whatever forsaken town they drag you to. You are bullied because you have no boyfriend, no sexual experience and you not even have had your first kiss yet. Dean doesn’t get your problem and Castiel is curious. That won’t end well.

Forget me not - Cas x Fem!Reader series. Cas was your guardian angel and best friend. He protected from everything that tried to harm you as a child. But a terrible accident caused him losing you. Years later, you’re still determined to find your guardian angel again. What happens when you meet him under unexpected circumstances?

Glooming hearts - Cas x Fem!Reader. The one time Dean plays matchmaker for his socially awkward friend and an angel who is just as worse. It’s funny and maybe he gets a lot more involved than he wanted to. Both  have no experience with dating and Dean likes watching how the chaos he caused envolves around him. What could possibly go wrong? (requested)

Conversations in the dark - Cas x Neu!Reader. Nothing’s real if it happens in the dark. That’s what your mother told you about nightmares. But you’re hunter and you know that nightmares exist in the daylight, too. Your relationship with Cas isn’t always easy. However, in moments of doubt it’s good you have each other. Because that’s all that really matters.

Other SPN characters

Another love - John x Fem!Reader. You had a wonderful thing with John Winchester. One night he leaves without coming back. 

Beware of the daddy - John x Fem!Reader. The reader gets drunk in a bar and doesn’t want to be alone at night so she is searching for an one-night stand. She finds a good-looking guy, but suddenly she ends up in a dicey situation. John comes to the rescue. (requested)

SPN Actors

Lullabies - Jensen x Fem!Reader. Jared x Fem!Reader. You're pregnant. Every couple would be happy to hear these news. Don't get me wrong, you're happy. Only problem is you have no idea who the father is... It‘s either Jensen Ackles' baby or the one of Jared Padalecki. The two men don't know about the big news yet. How will they react? Part 2 here. (requested)

Adorkably - Jensen x Neu!Reader. After you had a stunt accident on the Supernatural set, your leg is broken and you have to stay in bed while being on some high painkillers. Good thing, Jensen takes care of you. Well, in his own dork way anyways… (requested)

Nightcrawler - Jensen x Neu!Reader. Jensen and you never got along well. But when a stunt accident almost caused him losing you, everything changes. What will Jensen have to say if you wake up? (requested)

Cloudbursts - Jared x Neu!Reader. You were determined to do it. You never told anyone about your fear and you wouldn’t let it bring you down to your knees now! Not in front of all these people! Well, the anxiety attacks were an obstacle you didn’t think of... (requested)

Rock 'n' Roll, baby - Jensen x Male!Reader. Jensen has always been such a flirt. There has always been a chemistry between you that neither of you can deny. But no-one makes the next step. What is only a flirt for fun soon turns out to be more. (requested)

Love and hair - Jensen x Daughter!Reader x Jared. Part 2 to Lullabies. Set 18 years in the future. Reader wants to know who her biological dad is. (requested)

An apple a day - Doctor!Jensen x Fem!Reader. You were just having a bad day, that’s it. I mean, dislocating an arm while carrying cartons into your new apartment? That could happen to everyone. But intentionally miss three vaccination appointments? That could only happen to you. If only the doctor wasn't so cute... (requested)

Skies are different in Vancouver - Jensen x Neu!Reader. You have a hard time while your finance is in Vancouver for three months. However, you know that Jensen will always return to you in the end. (requested)

Hot as hell heaven - Misha x Neu!Reader. Filming can be quite dangerous sometimes. Good thing you have your personal doctor. (requested)