#Because I'll come and plot/explain some things if anyone thinks they might be interested in inflicting their character with this corruption

[soulsxng]

"I just find it odd...the situation seems like it has taken an entirely different direction than what it originally had. Where these 'hunters' were pickier with their targets when the attacks first began on the Aifaen and Vasyrus, that is no longer the case-- they appear to have instead set their sights on Brinnela's four species as a whole. As though someone new has taken over the operation. Which would insinuate that whatever the original organizer hoped to obtain from all this...they've since acquired it..."

Setia's king trails off, watching his normally rather energetic, and perhaps more importantly clingy parent hover statically in the air. Silent, and unmoving from where they had remained since their much adored child had arrived.

The Creationary Being had briefly assured Fekik that they were listening to him, but the way their form seemed to grow increasingly more agitated as he did so made it more than evident that something serious was going on.

Just as he was opening his mouth to ask what was wrong, however, the ever shifting mass of energy suddenly began to change colors at a rapid pace. Swirling about as if in a rage.

"̷A̴g̶a̸i̸n̸,̶ ̴w̵i̷t̶h̵ ̷t̷h̷e̶i̶r̶ ̴t̸r̸i̴c̷k̸e̶r̸y̸?̵ ̸T̴o̶ ̶c̶o̷r̷r̵u̵p̸t̴ ̴y̷e̸t̷ ̴m̴o̷r̴e̶ ̶o̶f̷ ̷o̵u̷r̶ ̸c̷r̶e̴a̷t̸i̸o̴n̷s̵,̶ ̴a̵f̶t̴e̸r̴ ̸w̷e̸ ̷s̵o̸ ̶b̴e̵n̵e̴v̸o̷l̶e̴n̴t̴l̴y̴ ̵a̶l̷l̷o̴w̶e̶d̵ ̵t̷h̶e̷m̶ ̸t̴o̷ ̸r̴e̴s̴i̸d̵e̶ ̶i̴n̸ ̴o̵u̴r̵ ̷p̷l̸a̵n̴e̴ ̵o̸f̷ ̶e̸x̴i̸s̴t̷e̸n̶c̶e̸?̸ ̷S̵u̷c̷h̵ ̶f̵o̷l̴l̷y̸ ̷w̵i̸l̶l̷ ̷n̵o̵t̵ ̶b̴e̶ ̴f̵o̶r̵g̷i̵v̴e̵n̷ ̶s̸o̸ ̶e̶a̷s̷i̶l̷y̸ ̵a̸ ̵s̷e̴c̶o̸n̸d̵ ̴t̷i̷m̵e̵!̵"̴

The following burst of reverberation was so powerful that it not only drowned out the Setana's words, but served to push him back a few feet, as well. Ippuru was summoning the other Creationary Beings in their trio...as well as a third. The one that had found their way into this plane some time ago, now.

Just what exactly was going on?

[factual-fantasy]

Okay so I did some research on Seam and realized that it would be a crime to not add him to my AU in someway where him and Jevil reconcile and they escape to the multiverse together and are free and they're best friends and- 😭😭😭

I had a dark story all thought up for this but half way through drawing I changed the story so this isn't really canon anymore?? Or it might be idk- my Deltarune AU is only a few days into development so its constantly changing <XDD Sorry-

If anyone's interested in the story I've got it below the Keep reading :}} (Fair warning, its rather dark and disturbing..)

TLDR: This story is super dark and interesting to me but it might not be canon XD

ANYWAYS! The story behind this was Jevil and Seam come from a very dark and corrupt AU. Ruled by an even darker and wicked King (Lancers dad). In this AU they were Kings royal Magician and Jester as per usual. They were best friends though and preformed these beautiful displays of magic together. Side by side, hand in hand. They were best friends for years and always dreamed of one day running away together and finding a safe place to live.

Eventually Jevil met someone. Someone who spoke of a way to leave this place. They spoke of walking through your own reflection. And if done right, one could leave their AU entirely.. Jevil believed them out of desperation and tried to tell Seam about it. Seam thought Jevil was losing his mind. Walking through your own reflection? That makes no sense..

King caught wind of them plotting to escape. And as punishment to both of them he commanded Seam to lock Jevil away using his own magic.

In Seams eyes, Jevil was his best friend. His brother, the only thing in this world that he could trust. But he was more afraid of what King would do to him or Jevil for disobeying him, then he was willing to stand up against him. So while believing Jevil was sick in the head and needed help, he acted out of cowardice and sealed Jevil away..

I'm thinking that eventually sometime later, Jevil is able to escape through his own reflection. A mirror. And either he goes back and sees Seam dressed in these beautiful robes and thinks "well the king must be treating him well. Guess I'll just leave him to reap the benefits of betraying me.. >:(" And leaves with a bitter heart. THAT, or he just left. Never going back to check on Seam or see if King was treating him well or not.

So the AU continues. With Jevil traveling from world to world, meeting new people and learning new things.. When eventually he's with the whole gang and they're all sitting in a restaurant or something.

When Jevil suddenly feels this overwhelming sense of doom. Something horrible is about to happen to Seam. He just knows it, its in his bones. Deep within his soul he can feel it. He knows- he needs to save him.

He falls back out of his chair into a mirror and heads straight for his old AU. Showing up just in time to stop Seam from.. well..

They end up talking. Turns out that after Jevil was imprisoned, Seam tried to sneak down to the basement and visit him. He wanted to apologize for imprisoning him and explain himself- but he was caught by King.

"I just wanted to see him!"

"For that I will take your eye."

"NO! Please don't take my eye!!"

"For talking back, I will take your voice too."

King took Seams eye and stitched his mouth shut. He could still talk but not very well. To make things worse, when Jevil escaped? Seam thought he had died. Why wouldn't he? His magical barrier was never broken and Jevil was gone. Surly he must have died somehow.. Meanwhile everyone else was under the impression that Seam let Jevil escape because they were friends.

Seam then suffered greatly for years as punishment for "letting Jevil escape". He was bound by these magical chains made by King. He was abused for years and at this point he had enough. But before he could do anything rash.. Jevil returned.

Jevil then felt the sinking horror realizing that he left Seam alone in this world to be abused by King. He abandoned him. After all those years of promising to one day run away together..

Seam betrayed Jevil, and Jevil abandoned Seam.

After realizing all of this and having a long emotional talk. Seam and Jevil deeply apologized to the other, and forgave each other. Marking the beginning of their new friendship. And despite Seam feeling like he doesn't deserve freedom, he agreed to run away with Jevil and finally be free with him.

~~~~

Now this story is super cool and morbid and all but now I'm questioning the story and wether or not I want it to be canon <XD

I have some other ideas that I really like too and this one is just a biiiiit dark... ish. I mean I've made worse- but idk I guess this one just has a bad taste to it..

I also like the idea that Seam has been with Jevil this whole time and was the first person he saved. Which motivated him to try and save other people and give them the same freedom that he gave to Seam. But then that would change the Grillby fight and Spamton situation a bit and also maybe effect the Goner kid situation- GAH!! I'll figure it out eventually- <XDD

I hope this wasn't too hard to stomach and if you read all the way through I thank you :}} 💖

[leavemebetosleep]

Alright here's a short version of how I'd fix Bride of Discord. As a sort of mental editing exercise.

While not really a good fic for a lot of reasons, Bride of Discord actually has a lot of potential as a story. There's a lot of great imagery, and it has a lot of fic tropes I like and are fun to read. I actually would probably change less than some people would. (If your "rewrite" doesn't keep any of the original anything, it's not actually a rewrite babes)

It's just that a lot of stuff in it is maybe played from the wrong angle.

Also there's no saving the Applejack/Spike thing. That's just gross. I think you could keep a similar subplot, just change it so AJ's crushing on someone else. I like AppleDash, but RariJack would probably work the best here. Maybe in this version she's afraid to confess bc she thinks Rarity is straight since she's so femme.

As for the main couple, I think you could actually make the demanding a wife thing work, just have it play out differently.

Like, Discord is old. He spent a lot of time as a statue, and might not be up to date on modern society. Maybe instead of it being a VERY creepy request that screams "sex slavery" make his request explicitly a somewhat less creepy political marriage.

That was common back in his day, and he IS trying to make a peace treaty with Twilight. Being married to one of her people is a show of good faith, that she won't go back on her word, and he won't go back on his, as well as metaphorically uniting their kingdoms.

He doesn't care who it is, because he's not intending to fall in love with them. At best they're gonna be an extended house guest.

They can even point out that's dated and weird, but he can also counter he doesn't know how else to get a proper show of trust. He doesn't trust them with his own safety, but he does trust they won't go after one of their own.

That could also play into why he's so insistent they get married already. Fluttershy trying to avoid the marriage once she's in his kingdom makes it feel like he's being set up, and like the treaty is tenuous. Or maybe he's even suspicious that she's avoiding because the ponies don't plan to stick to their deal.

That could even factor int the climax, but I'll get there.*

Discord can be lonely, and he can still also be a little desperate for companionship, but I don't think that should be his reason for the marriage. Otherwise he could've just asked for a companion, not a wife. Plus, I feel like per-reformation Discord would be in denial about being lonely. I think he'd only start to realize how much he's been missing out on until AFTER he's gotten to know Flutters.

*So in the climax, Fluttershy declares she doesn't love him bc her friends are badgering her, and he gets creepy possessive and tries to hypnotize her and there's a fight and what-not.

Yeah, instead of that what if it's his paranoia that she's avoiding getting married because they plan to betray him coming to a head?

He hears Fluttershy say something to her friends that out of context sounds like they're going to blast him back into stone after all. So he's think she's a traitor who played him for a fool.

I'd nix the hypnotism, just have him and the six fight it out, and then he kicks everyone out before Fluttershy can explain because he's heartbroken and doesn't want anyone to see.

Lot of minor fixes I'd throw in too, cutting out plot threads that go nowhere. Less heteronormativity. Fixing a LOT of OOC-ness. A LOT.

Oh and I'd change Discord's backstory too. The Megamind rip off thing is meh, and I think Discord's a character you could do a lot more interesting things with that that.

As for Fluttershy, a huge problem I have with this fic is she lacks real agency. I want her to choose to go with Discord, not out of the weird sense of feeling she has to sacrifice herself. (It comes off, for lack of a better word, suicidal.)

Maybe instead, she chooses to go because despite her shyness, she's bold when it matters. She will stand up to him. She's not going to be afraid of him anymore. She's gonna tame him like every other wild animal she's had to deal with, and save her home in the process. She's going to come back. He can't keep her there if she really decided to leave.

Have her be the Fluttershy who tried and failed to use her stare on him.

Also, in the original I never at any point felt like she fell in love with him. Just that she gave up resisting his advances. She's always wary and hesitant to do anything with him. That's fine for the beginning of their relationship, but for this to be a good love story that has to change at some point.

Where's the moment she realizes she finds him a little attractive actually? He's weird looking, but he's so confident and funny and fun and that's really appealing. Where's the part where she's having fun and forgets she's a prisoner? Where's the real bonding? Setting boundaries?

Maybe she convinced Discord to let her friends visit, not because she's marrying him already, but because she convinces him to try to make other friends. And he does it, because he loves her already at this point. And she thinks if he and her friends could get along, they could work thing out. Maybe she was hoping things would go well so she could tell him she wanted to marry him after all.

Maybe she really did want her friends at her wedding, but also to be able to have her parents, her brother.

This last bit has nothing to do with the author's writing. This fic was originally written before the show ended, and we got a lot of lore afterwards she couldn't have known about. That's not her fault she couldn't see the future. But just for my sanity, I'd add in more cannon lore.

And uh. I guess that's all got with what I remember of it. Yeah.

[bellaxgiornata]

Honestly I cannot believe that I've been on tumblr for just over a year now and somehow there's already so many of you wonderful people here that are reading, enjoying, and supporting my silly little fics. When I jumped over here from AO3, I had not anticipated how much fun I was going to have getting to chat with all of y'all while also sharing my stories with those of you who aren't on AO3. I've definitely made some wonderful friends this past year because of tumblr and I just want to say thank you to everyone for the support. I always mean it when I say y'all are the reason I keep writing these stories 💖

I could certainly get sappier but instead I'll just invite y'all to join me for my first ever celebration! There's a few fun things below the cut that y'all can pop up with in my ask box starting today May 3 through Wednesday May 8! I tried to think of some interesting things that I could realistically make time to do with everything currently going on in my life, especially because I'm also still trying to stockpile rough drafts for many of my stories so that I can still have updates during my upcoming "writing hiatus" (that I'll explain more about later). My plan is to answer things as they come in and hopefully have them all finished shortly after the celebration ends. And once the celebration finally ends, I'm hoping to give y'all an update to a story or a one shot!

Hopefully this will be fun for everyone!

Let's Chat! - Feel free to send me an ask about anything at all! No, seriously. You want to tell me about your day? An upcoming vacation or exciting accomplishment of yours? Do it! Or maybe you want to ask me questions about one of my stories or my writing process? Hell, feel free to ask me about myself, chat about coffee, music, books, pets, whatever!

Discuss Headcanons with Me! - Have any headcanons about Matt Murdock, Frank Castle, or Michael Kinsella that you want to chat about or share with me? Send them in! Or are you interested in a headcanon I might have about one of them in a certain situation? Feel free to ask! We can chat about the boys!

Send Me Fake FFTD Installment Titles! - Create a title name for an installment for my Falling for the Devil series (ex. "The [insert title]") and I'll write a couple of sentences about what I could picture that installment being about! You win bonus points if you can actually stump me on coming up with a plot for your title. But also who knows, maybe some title suggestions could spark an idea for future updates...

Let's Play a Game! - We can play would you rather, have you ever, or fuck/marry/kiss (or kill). For the record, f/m/k can be with anyone from Daredevil, Punisher, Defenders, Kin, or even any of Charlie's characters that I'm familiar with (Matt, Michael, Owen, Henry, Tristan, or Adam) or those of Jon's that I'm familiar with (mainly Frank, Shane, or Julian). If you can think of another game feel free to play it with me!

Ask the Boys! - Do you enjoy my weird internal dialogues with fictional characters that probably make me sound crazy? Great! Feel free to send me an ask to either one or all of the fictional men that live in my head (Matt, Frank, and/or Mikey) and I'll relay whatever they respond with in something of a short internal dialogue!

Request a Sneak Peak! - Since I have been stockpiling quite a few WIPs and rough drafts for a couple of months now, I am open to y'all just requesting a sneak peak. If you do, I will share a snippet from a fic I choose at random from something that's either a fully finished rough draft or still a work in progress!

**You're more than welcome to participate multiple times, but all I ask is that you (1) send things in separate asks, (2) are not rude to me or anyone else, and (3) are 18+ to discuss anything spicy (this is an 18+ blog anyway so I'd hope everyone here already is).**

[according2thelore]

wait i have more to say. i saw someone else say that youre their favorite wincest writer and i just need to raise my hand and say ME TOO!!!!

i only VERY recently admitted to my best friend that i ship them and when i was reading house song i was going NUTS and i NEEDED to talk about it. so i ended up sending my friend a 10 minute long voice message going through the plot and how beautifully written it is and how its fucking me up!!!!!! im going crazy and shaking dean just SHOT HIS DAD!!!!!!!!! AND IT WAS BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!! and my friend was like holy fuck that fic sounds crazy but in a good way and they dont ship it but i think they at least get it now lmfao because wow.

and deans guilt over the life he has given sam. an orphan living on a mattress with no money and just his fucked up older brother. goddamn. i want to hug dean. and sam thinking the worst that dean left him like dad. but then ultimately realizing there is literally NOTHING dean wouldnt do to reach him. its just so cathartic and OH THE FLASHBACK TO BABY SAM. ‘no boo boos?’ ARE YOU KIDDING ME? and then then the parallel because sam is covered in blood again and it ISNT HIS. NO BOO BOOS!!!!!!! but he is so so so hurt oh my goddddd

im sorry im so feral about you i just dont have the magical talent with words that you do. like deans admission and saying that the word falls out of his mouth like a dead body hits the ground????? how can i even attempt to match your beautiful fucking mind. ugh. i wont recover from this. your an inspiration for real. okay i will leave you alone now thank you for the brain worms

HELLO!!

GUH the hits keep COMING!!!!!!

i am giggling and kicking my feet that you explained my fic to a FRIEND HOLY SHIT!!!!! oh to hear this voice message lol <3

i had to read this ask series out loud to charlotte, who was also giggling and kicking her feet on my behalf.

i am so glad you found it believable! that was one of the biggest struggles for me, and i liked the boys' characterization in this one, so i'm so sososo happy that you did too!!!!!

i've never done this before, but i thought since you like it, you might find the planning process interesting! i don't do outlines for all of my fics, just the really hefty ones (the heaven fic, this one, and a few others), and i've found this helps me a lot! you can see some things that i've cut or changed. charlotte and i usually plan these out over face time, lol, and she was mostly asleep through this entire planning one (in her defense, she had been working all day). i hope you find it interesting!

i hope you don't think less of me now that you know i wrote that they "boink" 🙏 it was like two in the morning. also handwriting reveal? omg?

anon, i've said it before but i'll say it again--THANK YOU SO MUCH🥺🥺🥺🥺 uno reverse card as well bc folks like you encourage/inspire authors to keep writing!

i always love hearing which parts folks like best, and this fed me for months to come!!!!!!

and please feel welcome to come back and scream with me about these two any time the mood hits you, lol!

-lizzy BELIEVE IT OR NOT BECAUSE ANON IS TRYING TO MELT ME this is 2/3!!!!!!

(house song, the fic in question for anyone curious!)

[dark--whisperings]

✨✨✨✨🫱Care to share🫲✨✨✨✨

The message was sent to you because someone loved your writing and stories. ❤️

▪️What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

▪️How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

▪️What do you do when you have writer's block?

▪️How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

▪️Any messages for your readers or fellow writers?

You are welcome to answer if you have the time and desire, or you can simply respond to the questions that come to mind.

💐Thank you for your work as a writer and as a member of this fandom!💐

OMG anon, what a sweet message! Absolutely made my day! I'm so glad that you liked my fics. ✨💖🥹✨💖🥹✨💖🥹 And wow, these are some great questions!

Extremely long response under the cut because I simply... have no chill LMAO.

What are your writing suggestions for newcomers, or what would you have liked to know when you first started?

It's so daunting to post your first fic for so many reasons, but just... go for it. Write what you want and fuck what anyone else thinks. Writing should be something that you do because it gives you joy, and you shouldn't cater the things you write to align with popular tropes (unless those are things you actually feel inspired to write). Guarantee that somewhere out there, you made someone's day with your fic, even if they didn't comment. Fanfiction and writing are about creativity and giving yourself permission to meet yourself where you are, whether that's being silly, escaping the shittiness of the world for a few hours, exploring something deeper and more vulnerable, revolting against canon, or whatever else.

Also on that vein, leave kudos, comments, and asks for your favourite authors! As much as we like to say that we write for ourselves, it also is immensely helpful to receive positive feedback. It doesn't need to be a hugely detailed comment... keyboard mashing and emoji flailing are just as important. As a writer (and reader!), support your fellow writers! Don't be afraid to interact with people you recognize on your socials... we're just seven monkeys in a trench coat on a good day, and typically love flailing about fandom with others. Being able to chat and create with other creators and fans online has been an incredible experience for me. (I'M STARING AT YOU MY MUTUALS 👀👀👀)

How do you write different personalities and perspectives? Could you explain how you came up with the manner you written your favorite or any character?

Oooh this is a fun one! I actually prefer to switch POVs in my writing, because I like to play with the concept of an unreliable narrator on both sides, and then switch abruptly give the reader insight into other characters perspective. I think it's a fun experience as a reader.

As far as characterizations, I think about the differences in how they might act, how they speak, their mannerisms, and right down to the differences in their vocabulary. For example, Anakin is more likely to be blunt and say exactly what's on his mind, whereas Obi-Wan is more likely to use more interesting words and gilded speech. Adding these pieces is usually part of my editing process to! I'll typically start by getting the plot and words on the page, and then edit the characterizations in later.

... and then, you know, sprinkle in some of my own head canon for the characters. Because 😇✨creative license✨😇.

What do you do when you have writer's block?

Writing sprints in a fandom server! Honestly, sometimes I'm stuck simply on principal, and sprinting gives me the motivation (because I'm the type of person who works better under pressure). If that doesn't work, I try switching to a different WIP or chatting with a friend about it (you'd be surprised how effective a simple conversation with your beta can be). And barring that... look for a beta project. I actually started out in fandom as a beta, and I find that a brief switch between writing and editing can kickstart the creative juices!

How do you come up with new ideas and develop them?

Music. Sometimes lyrics give me ideas for new project. But a lot of the time, it's the feel of certain songs that inspire ideas for new fic. Sometimes, I write from experience, or write about things I'd like to experience. In a lot of cases, writing is a very personal experience for me. I also very much enjoy participating in the fandom prompt festivals. There's just something about being inspired by a random prompt from a stranger and potentially making their day. 💟💟💟

Any messages for your readers or fellow writers?

Just that I love you all, adore the obikin fandom, and am incredibly grateful for the experience I've had so far. This has been the best fandom experience I've ever had (and I've been kicking around online for 15 years now). I wouldn't change it for anything, and it wouldn't be possible without the dedicated creators and lovely readers to cheer us on! 💗💗💗💗💗💗

Also if you feel inclined... drop me an anon ask with links to your favourite fics if you would like! Bonus points if it's a fic you wrote and are proud of. I want to read all the things, and maybe have a party in your comments!🫂🫂🫂

[theheightofdishonor]

I have a couple more shows on my watchlist and once that's done i think i'll be taking a (probably brief) break from asian dramas to focus on some of the other dozen watchlists i have (anime maybe? i might skip jojo and try daiya no ace again- we'll see though)

I'm hitting the 300 dramas mark soon (that's 300 completed mind you, not counting movies, and not counting things i've dropped) so i'll probably write something later in the year too reflecting on both the shows that've come out this year and the ones i've watched

For now i thought i'd jot down a couple notes about the currently airing shows i'm keeping up with since i haven't had time to do that in a while. I'll be doing this in the order I watch them in.

Middleman's Love- ngl I'm solely watching this for King and Uea. I know some of you like this show but the main couple just don't work for me and the side couple are only mildly more interesting. I'll keep watching it to the end but it's a skim watch.

Twins- A great example of how silly is fine when it's enjoyable. I fucking adore this show right now. This has volleyball in it and I'm a haikyuu!! fan before i'm a person so of course i was going to watch this show no matter how dumb it is but it's great. I'm having a blast. I like the family dynamics, I like Sprite, I like how they're committing to the 'slow' part of 'slow burn', I like all the stupid hijinks, I like that I can watch this show and be like "oh he's a Setter, like Kageyama!", I just like it. Poor First though, doing all this work of unlearning his hatred for Zee for no damn good reason.

My Dear Gangster Oppa- This one used to be first on my list but after the dumb breakup last week, it's dropped down. I hate the noble idiocy trope as @lurkingshan calls it. It's stupid, it's annoying and I don't think this week's episode made up for it. Shame really, I was quite enjoying this show at first. The chemistry's good and cliches are fine when they're enjoyable. If it wasn't ending next week, I would drop it.

Last Twilight- Saving the best for last because a) it's a heavier show with more to think about than any of the above and b) youtube's interface annoys me.Tbh I only started watching this in the hopes that it might rewrite my current reflex of wincing everytime I see Jimmy's face in a gifset but it's such an excellent show. Aof's directing and storytelling is excellent as usual and he really does deserve credit for how handles his actors. Watching JimmySea in this and then vv is like whiplash.

ps. Pit Babe- i'm not invested in keeping up with this show and my desire to do so depends on factors such as the amount of free time I have and how reluctant I am to use youtube to watch Last Twilight. It seems to have inklings of an interesting plot + obviously it's fandom history cuz of the a/b/o but the way they only half lean into the omegaverse aspects of it without explaining anything makes me wonder what people who aren't familiar with the concept of omegaverse think about this show and how they understand it. Like it has to be confusing without context, right? Mostly, i'm just watching for Nut Supanut and Nut Supanut only though it remains to be seen whether my affection for him will eventually be worn down by how annoying his character is. I swear, if it were played by anyone else or if I cared about the main characters to any extent, I'd find Way insufferable. But so far, i'm supporting all his wrongs. Especially when he looks so damn pretty doing it.

[minnowtank]

something i've been thinking about is how i think part of encanto's plot is designed in such a way that it avoids mentioning or alluding to politics? this is a little difficult to explain but i'll try to. when i watched the movie for the first time, i thought it was a bit silly that bruno was shunned from the casita and, instead of just leaving the village like a normal person, decided to live within the house's walls. it just seemed like a strange plot point to me. at first i thought that the movie wanted to make things relatively uncomplicated by keeping the story within the small village setting. but at the end we see in a flashback that the casita came into existence as a result of abuela's former hometown being devastated by an unnamed conflict that also killed her husband. i recently searched up what conflict was being represented here, and it was most likely the 1000 days civil war in colombia (1899-1902 i think). this was a war between the liberals and the conservatives. and at one point it also involved the US and some other european countries backing up the conservatives for their own interests.

so the casita village is deliberately closed off from the rest of the nation due to the miracle of the candle, which means it's untouched by the politcal and economic consequences of what was apparently one of the most devastating wars in the country's history. one thing you will also never know is where abuela, her husband, or the rest of her family members are/were aligned politically. the nature of the casita village makes it so that they might as well be in their own alternate dimension. we never even get context as to why abuela's village got attacked in the first place, because the war is never talked about.

am i saying that the movie should have been (more) political? well no because it would be a mistake to trust disney with talking about anything remotely political; im just mentioning something i noticed and haven't seen anyone else bring up. but i just think it's interesting that the film is all about generational trauma, and in encanto the specific trauma here all stems from abuela's war losses, and yet the war is basically not a thing in the movie, and none of the characters have conflicts with each other because of it. if a natural disaster caused abuela's husband's death and the resulting miracle, it would have been exactly the same. the movie is also very passionately colombian and tries to represent its culture accurately, but its characters are simultaneously completely cut off from the actual country. i just think it's interesting.

also i realize that the 1000 days war took place when abuela was young and lost her husband, and the main events of the movie with mirabel take place about 50 years later. that being said, the war still had massive political and economic consequences. im just thinking what the movie would be like if mirabel had to find bruno by leaving the isolated village and seeing the rest of columbia outside of casita town. would doing that complicate the movie's straightforward message? because they would have to contend with the awkwardness of the casita town being cut off from everything and mention the war more? how would bruno fare outside of the town? would he want to come back? would he think the madrigals are selfish for keeping their powers to themselves and their village and not helping anyone outside of it? isabela can literally grow food (?? i think). would he use his power of visions to help people outside of the town? i think it just opens up a can of worms.

like realistically that would be a conflict right?? i know magic isnt real but imagine if the candle casita situation took place in real life. abuela would talk about the war right?? they would have their own political leanings? like it's just so fascinating that there's this entire village that's blissfully unaware of everything that's going on around them. it's the 1950s during the main plot and there's been two world wars and continued influence from the USA. people would argue about if they should remain closed off right? like it's just so fascinating but the movie's like nah who gaf about the outside world. like it's just so maddening to me. HELP! im thinking way too hard about this sorry

[lastlymatt]

You make very good points comparing book and tv Alex, thanks for replying to my ask! I clearly have not reread the books in a while so I should go do that :)

And you are very right about tv!Alex being naive. Yes, I felt he was more mature than book!Alex in the way he presents himself generally, and maybe this is partly due to his appearance on screen vs what I used to envision of book!Alex. But you are right that a lot of his actions and decisions are very naive.

Going to scorpia knowing it's a literal terrorist organization and not only not wanting to kill anyone but not even trying to pretend he's into it so that he could go in undercover? He's lucky Yassen had his back or he'd be so dead.

There were many moments in the show where I did go, 'Alex, come on,' when he was doing something stupid. But maybe I have rose tinted glasses on or expect little, because I love the show enough that I'm like, 'okay they have low budget, I get that they can't film everything, I can look past this plot point/plot armor/lazy writing because I know they don't have the time/budget for everything.' But hey, again, maybe I should have higher expectations anyway haha.

Like having Tom and Kyra somehow so easily show up on Malagosto and do surveillance without getting caught. The department leaving the flash drive in the computer for no reason. Alex getting into Mrs. Jones' apartment so easily, and conveniently having no earpiece so that Yassen couldn't hear what happened?

I spotted all of that and the rest, but let it go. I think I am just so glad we have this show that I'll take what we get 😅

It makes complete sense to assume that TV!Alex is more mature than book!Alex! TV!Alex isn't as sassy as his book counterpart and mostly comes across as calmer and more mature. This might also have something to do with the fact that we don't get to hear Alex's thoughts like we do in the books.

Yes, he is incredibly lucky Yassen had his back; otherwise, I'm not sure what TV!Nile would've done to him (Nile is another character who is very different from his book counterpart, but someone else I believe already talked about that)

Believe me, I utterly adore this show! It made so many improvements on the original material, which is also why I think it's important to point out the parts where it stumbled. Those are also often the bits that generate interesting discussions. But also, those faults can be explained very often with a little suspension of disbelief.

And yeah, I can absolutely see those things as faults, but it's also not very fun when Scorpia has all the cards and knows how to block their plans perfectly. Scorpia needs weaknesses that can be exploited! An all-powerful organisation that makes no mistakes is honestly boring and no fun.

Some of these things make sense if you consider that Scorpia, specifically Julia, feels complacent and overconfident. They managed to make the world believe that they were dead and gone while they continued to work in the shadows. Why would they worry so much about guarding one of their hard-to-reach training facilities against two untrained teenagers?

Also, it's nice to show off that Alex isn't the only one with skills since the TV series so heavily emphasises the importance of friends, family, and teamwork.

I fully agree with you about the flash drive issue. They tried to excuse it later but come on, you should be more paranoid than that!

Alex getting into Mrs Jones' apartment so easily is almost exactly like it went in the book (as far as I remember), so that is on Ahorz. And Alex can have a little competence as a treat before his breakdown 🙃

I honestly hadn't considered the idea of Yassen giving him an earpiece! I think it would've been caught by the metal detector, maybe? But this can also be chalked up to Yassen trusting his boy.

So yeah, it may have its issues, but I also genuinely believe it is one of the better adaptations I've seen in a very long time despite the many changes, and I couldn't be happier with what we got!

[shmowder]

ag;asdfjag hello so I stumbled across the "specific fetishes they have with no explanation" post you wrote for the BG3 companions. Can I please request something like that for the Patho characters? Anyone you feel like including.

Sorry to keep bringing up your other blog but my goodness, your anons weren't shy on there XD It's amusing to notice the difference in content and asks between these fandoms. @ pathologic enjoyers where is the horniness!!!! /lh

🐿️ anon

Ah yes that classic post, it started because I wanted to give someone a hand kink and the rest followed along. I like the concept of specific fetishes that aren't explained but are accepted as part of the person nonetheless. Imitating organic sexuality where sometimes people are into things for no apparent reason, why do I think knight armour is so hot? I will never know.

I miss it sometimes, how shamelessly direct anons were in the bg3 with their nsfw requests. Talking with someone who knows exactly what they want is always refreshing.

I enjoyed the different concepts and how conversations about sex and fetishes flowed so seamlessly. They clearly enjoyed what I was writing and were mature about it.

While the Pathologic fandom feels more juvenile? Like a repressed adult going to a sex shop for the first time. The nsfw requests are vague and always written timidly, testing the waters, rushed even. As if I'll just suddenly disappear if they're not the first in line.

It could be the fact x reader content is scarce in this fandom while in bg3 they were plentiful. I knew some bg3 blogs that wrote smut pieces that could make the devil blush, genuinely. It was the extreme bdsm and dark smut i have ever seen, and i loved it.

I'm not complaining, I enjoy both fandoms' unique approaches tbh. I simply match the energy that is given to me, reading between the lines and all. If I notice, the requester is timid, shy, and vague about what they want. I'll go with vanilla and soft, slow sex.

Unless someone directly tells me they want to hear about my thoughts when it comes to Oyun's clear humiliation & degradation kink and life/death play, then I simply keep it to myself.

This blog started as a meme blog after all, didn't it? I just wasn't sure I'll even post pathologic x reader tbh. I wanted a throw-away account to talk about the game in because I didn't want to sully my bg3 account with unrelated fandoms even more. There is no need to wear its corpse and parade it through the square, giving my previous readers hope i might come back only to show it was a different fandom wearing its skin.

I kept that in mind, which is why i tage my x reader works with...well ♧x reader. So the people who are here just for the memes can filter it out.

Compare the notes my memes, character study and plot analysis posts get against my x reader pieces. It's clear who the majority is.

BG3 simply had more people interested in x reader, so it paid off in the long run to focus on it. While here I wouldn't have made it out from under the radar if I hadn't posted any memes, would I? No one searches for pathologic x reader on tumblr because the goddamn tag didn't exist before me.

It doesn't help that at least 70% of people who read this genre are lurkers, as it is natural with fanfics in general but especially anything deemed "cringy" or "taboo". Especially in a fandom whos tries to be taken seriously and seems high-brow to onlookers, yk pathologic.

Take the Hysteria fic, for example. I thought it would set the tone for the rest of the account, yk? but all i got afterwards was fluffy requests, so the balance shifted towards a more romantic style.

Right now, I have been getting more requests and nsfw ones, especially, but it was you who helped break that seal and encouraged other anons to come out because of your interactions and sincerity.

I think it was your nsfw Victor and Yulia requests which offically broke the seal and showed lurkers I am willing to fully dive into smut, that no this isn't a mirage and yes they can requests as many dom Daniil stuff as they want. You would be surprised at how popular that man is in my inbox.

Me personally, I would've simmered down or slowly stopped the x reader pieces if someone didn't come along to show interest in my work. I already have the whole world and works in my brain, I can just keep it there for eternity.

The fun in writing requests are the requestors themselves, the lively discussions, the passion, and happiness. The sweet kind words afterwards, waiting to see their reaction to something I've poured my heart and perverted mind into.

I planned on writing many more ship fics for pathologic, but Lingum Vitea was left in the dust so I decided against sharing my ship writing with these people anymore. Petty? yeah, but it is my own writing at the end of the day.

That's why I enjoy posing on tumblr, the interactions, the anons. It truly feels like you're part of a community, which is what fanfics were about before. Hell, it was what all fandoms were about before, remember when artists received anons discussing their vision and inspiration?

Now it's radio silence on AO3, or maybe my style specifically didn't click with them? I don't like multie chaptered works, I get bored of ideas easily and I can tell a whole story in less than 3k words.

Either way.

Be unhinged if you want, or don't. You can do whatever you want for eternity. This is for any person currently reading this and not just you squirrel anon. I don't lose anything by your shyness at the end of the day, but you certainly do.

The chances you might miss on, the opportunities, the self-acceptance and fullfillment. Let those 13 layers of irony melt away, we can be mature again sex and fetishes, we are adults after all, aren't we?

God, I hate the fact I had to tag my sub/dom post with ♧crack just so people take it as a light-hearted "lol im so crazy" moment. And they did, rather than start a genuine discussion about their role placement or how being dom/sub relieves stress and many other things.

I don't actually feel that strongly about any of this, I'm just frustrated about certain life events rn and it's easier to take my emotions out on this trival matter.

I have to go to a funeral today, I saved a draft of your request. I'll write it when I have the energy, I hope you do enjoy my bg3 writing in the meanwhile. And do leave a comment there or something if you do, just because I wrote it in the past doesn't mean I don't care about it anymore. I still check the bg3 blog notes and it is sad how people just like or reblog things without any comments because the author isn't actively posting anymore, it is borderline insulting.

Good thing I don't care about this, right?

[blindedguilt]

It's been quiet for some time, Leonard had noticed — not unlike the time he spent in the forest. It left him feeling some way he couldn't exactly tell. Was it unease? Possible loneliness? Either one was a feeling he hadn't expected to come back in such a way, but similarly, again, it had dug up a familiar memory of the forest...

Having finished tending to the small bonfire where he sat, Leonard's shoulders dropped and his head leaned back. For the first time since his pact — since meeting Seere — he wished he could be relieved of his blindness if only to confirm he wasn't alone as he thought he was.

The bonfire's warmth kept him comfortable, at least, as did the hope of the momentary thought that echoed throughout his mind: Time would tell.

//So this isn't an easy decision, but after a couple weeks of mulling it over, I've decided to put this blog into semi-permanent hiatus - basically, if things change either with the state of the RPC or my motivation to write I'll be more than eager to return, though it does seem unlikely.

//Things have been quiet lately, and it's of course by no means anyone's fault for being quiet!! (I can't blame them, life and Tumblr bullshit have taken a toll on a large portion of the RPC as a whole lately) But in the end, I think it had more of an effect on my motivation to write than even I expected. I tried for the past year or so to "Get back on my feet", as even now I deeply miss Leonard and being able to write him, but evidentially, I haven't gotten very far QwQ

//That said!! While this could be it for this blog, if anyone wants to discuss plans for plotting or even just chatting over Discord (At the end of the post), lemme know! One of the hardest things about the choice to leave this blog behind is definitely the loss of community that comes with it, there were a lot of people who followed me and that I briefly spoke to these past months who I don't want to cut off a potential friendship with just because of my own personal circumstances!

//And going onto that topic, I won't be shutting down or removing any current drafts or asks in my inbox in the event I ever magically DO get motivation to write again or something changes, and of course, that in turn means the blog itself will be staying as well!! You might have guessed, it goes without saying that this blog and the interactions on it mean a great deal not to just me, but (At least I hope!!) some of you. It's also a bit of why I wanted to "wrap up" the blog with the in-character piece at the top, even given my issues with writing (I may add to it to make it feel more "complete", given I kinda don't like how half-assed it feels currently), it just didn't feel fair to go for what could be forever without letting him speak his final piece. :,)

//I won't spend too long waxing out all the sentimentals, but I've stated over and over how when I first made this blog, I really wasn't expecting it to last much more than a couple weeks before moving onto another character. It's kind of impossible for me to state just how much this blog and all the experiences on it mean to me personally and the impact it's left, both personally, as I mentioned before, but also in my enjoyment and love for Drakengard 1 and 2 and Leonard's character specifically! Being able to dive into his mind and find someone I can put together so easy with such a well-constructed tragedy, it's not much of an overstatement to say that ironically, being able to play and put my own mind and problems away for one I not only cared to look into, but one I could more easily pick apart and explain the actions of while being layered enough and having enough facets to make it interesting. Leonard in a lot of ways was and is a sort of second life for me, but in a way I didn't have to deal with the burden of having a psychical body or firsthand perspective! lmao

//And not to be sounding all overdramatic or anything but as I said, it's letting go of not just what feels sort of like a little hideout or small part of me I like to nurture and keep from falling into rot, but this blog is some of the most fun I've had in a horribly otherwise busy, yes, but very mundane outside life. It's sort of pathetic to admit, but I mean it in the best way I can when I say I haven't really gotten so emotionally engaged with anything in a long time. Just the small interactions and memorable snippets from this blog, both from long-standing partners, people who fell off, or even people I just spoke to once and then never again still play over in my head and definitely spark a lot of joy when I really need it! I'll be honest, there's not one day that goes by where I don't think of at least one interaction I've had here. I remember my pain at being in a different timezone and always falling behind the drama before I went to the US and could finally catch up. To update on that: I'm not doing too well in the US in all honesty, but I'm doing my best to get on my feet and making progress!! One of the first things I always did in difficult situations was, unironically, use this blog to reference some old posts and memes to laugh and think about all the new connections, subplots, and jokes that were going to be shared.

//I guess the final point I'd like to make is a short one, but a major argument I had against shutting down when the thought first entered my mind, and the hardest part of all this is the loss of potentiality. I had a lot planned for Leonard, both things that I actively wanted to do and just general questions of "What kind of people will he meet with next? What will he think of them, and how long will they get to develop with each other?" The thought both of meeting new people and the interactions that could be shared with them, as well as all the different interactions and shenanigans that I thought might be in store when the DOD RPC came back was a major motivator in why I kept trying to fight my writer's block, and why I even kept this blog going for the past year with barely any activity to speak of. Even going on Discord, as you might imagine, can be limiting in its setup compared to just being able to search and see who's out there via tumblr - and joining communities can be quite an issue being a Leonard mun, specifically!!

//But either way, I'll be sure to find my way around it one way or another, and hopefully, by some divine miracle, I'll just end up back at this blog anyways!! Again, the chances are slim, but I'm really holding out here dskhffkdbhdkh

//I think that should be it based off what I wanted to say, Leonard's left nice and comfy at his campfire, and it's getting late so with ALL that said, if we've spoken or never have before (ESPECIALLY if we never have, I like to believe you followed for a reason so I'd love to speak to you so we can get to know each other better, plot, or just chat!!), please consider following me on Discord!! I'm usually on there, and always happy to talk (Unless I'm on Do not Disturb, but that's hardly ever lol):

//My discord is: barnabism

//Anyways, I apologise for the downer announcement, but this has been wracking my brain for the past few days so I'm at least glad just to get the hard part over with. :,)

//Thank you all for over two years of writing!! Please don't be afraid to reach out, and as always, if you have any questions, please ask!! ^^

[bklynmusicnerd]

GH Catch Up Part Three:

- Laura getting all giddy trying to get the sociopathic mooch to play family with her. Just tragic and embarrassing.

Finally, some Trina and Portia interaction! Wish it was longer but I'll take it. Trina thanking Portia for her tentative olive branch to Spencer and Portia admitting she's "not sold" yet was interesting. It's never not gonna amuse me how Portia can never just take the win. Trina has forgiven for her paternity disaster and doesn't know the full extent of her plotting against her happiness.

She should be making every effort to stay on Trina's good side, but control is too important for her, so even an olive branch to Trina's boyfriend is issued with a caveat. I also think it's important to peep BK's acting choices during that hug with Trina.

She's still very bothered by the idea of Trina and Spencer, which puts an asterisk over whatever alleged progress Portia is making on the "be less controlling" front. We'll see but I fear her toxic mom tendencies might doom her again. She can say she's letting go but actually doing it is another thing.

- Joss coming through with Adam and Dumb Dex is cracking me up. And Carly already knows Adam's name too. This is what Dex deserves is all I have to say.

- Of course Kristina is going to be the egg donor because this is the Maxie story all over again. Riveting stuff.

- God, Amnesia Esme is insufferable. Fuck her and her cheap shot at Trina denying her an absolution she didn't earn. Crying about not being afforded "grace" as if it's something she's entitled to. This is why this character will never work as a longterm one. If she's not scheming, all she provides are tears and whining. No capacity for self-reflection quickly makes for a dull character if they're not being played as the antagonist they're meant to be.

- Marshall is going straight to hell for using the memory of the dead woman he ghosted to cover up for his weirdness with Stella.

- Spencer's brain synapses are functioning again since he's the only who picked up on how completely fucking bizarre it is for a first time mother to abandon her baby for "me time" on Christmas Eve. Pour one out for Kevin who has officially joined the useful idiots brigade and thinks his sociopathic mooch of a niece was being "sincere". Starting to think Laura's hell house could be explained by an unknown mold issue because brain cells are not lasting for long in that house.

- If Nina has reached Catholic levels of guilt and wants to participate in confession then she might as well just tell Sonny. I don't know why she'd be married to someone she doesn't believe would be on her side through thick and thin.

- I'm not here for Trina being compared to that long suffering woman that Curtis called a mother. No thank you.

- Do not care about the "anguish" of Amnesia Esme getting her memories back and having it confirmed that she's a sociopath. Tired of the wide-eyed weepy bullshit with this character. It's not convincing. It's just played out. The very fact that her immediate next steps upon getting her first memory were to abandon her demon spawn to go break into Wyndemere prove that Trina was right about her memory being irrelevant. Her "redemption" was bullshit. She successfully weaponized her demon spawn like she was always going to pre-amnesia, what's so redemptive about that? She was always going to be a sociopath and do sociopathic shit, no matter what, because she doesn't have the capacity for genuine remorse or to think about anything or anyone beyond herself, not even her own demon spawn.

- Trina and Spencer (and demon spawn) meeting up at the hospital was cute, and I appreciated the subtle acknowledgment of their improved communication because Trina already knew Spencer was gonna be on his domestic crap on Christmas Eve before sociopathic mooch switched up the plan. Essentially, their big fight/almost breakup wasn't meaningless and has had a lasting effect on their relationship.

- Bonus: Even though no one has talked more shit about demon spawn existing on the canvas than me, I would be lying if I didn't admit that one of the funniest ongoing bits of the year was demon spawn being the number one fan of his mom's enemy.

- Finn has no business reading the Night Before Christmas, it should've been Kevin with Laura. Even if Finn wasn't one of the most hated characters this year, he's not a patriarch or respected member of PC like that. He's definitely not on par with Laura. A bizarre decision to end a bizarrely scripted episode.

[martsonmars]

been having lots of thoughts about (a)sexuality lately. this is probably tmi but who am i if i don't overshare on the internet?

(contains talk of sex, masturbation, sexual attraction...)

specifically, i'm trying to figure myself out when it comes to being aspec.

years ago i was obsessed with labels. i spent years trying to find the right one, and i kept trying different labels and nothing felt right, and it made me feel awful, but i really felt the need to understand myself and give a word to my sexuality. when i accepted that i don't need labels and i'll just wait and see what life brings, i felt lighter, and now i can say i'm queer without having to explain it further.

but while i'm not in a rush to figure myself out, and i know that sexuality can be fluid, and that even if you find the perfect label something might happen that leads you in a different direction (i say this because i'm young and because i've never had sexual or romantic experiences of any kind, i've never even kissed anyone and my only relationship was a ldr with someone who wasn't into it as much as i was and it fell apart after a couple of months during which she wouldn't even call me her girlfriend — so i know i simply might have to wait for actual experiences to understand myself) (though, of course, i'm not saying that you can't figure yourself out if you don't have experiences — you totally can! i just mean that maybe trying things and meeting people who make me feel things would clear out my confusion better than just ruminating over it), even though i don't mind waiting, i hate being confused. i want to know myself.

so yeah, the premise is: i don't need to be told that figuring yourself out takes time and there's no need to rush it etc etc. i know! i'm okay with it. but i'm also here like can someone please explain me to me? (plot twist: after writing this whole post, i explained myself to me!)

having said this, i am pretty sure i am either asexual or somewhere deep on the spectrum. it's not a super new thought (i started thinking i was asexual at least 3 years ago — then i changed my mind because that's when i got over my prejudices about masturbation and found an entire new world of self pleasure, and thought i couldn't be asexual if i enjoyed masturbation; i was, of course, wrong, but back then i knew very little about asexuality and genuinely believed you had to be repulsed by all kinds of sex related stuff to be asexual, even masturbation) but it's getting stronger lately.

i love sex. the idea of it at least. i love making jokes about sex and about sexual attraction, i love having sexual fantasies, i love masturbating, i love writing and reading porn (though i have to say that when it comes to... uh, getting aroused, i'm mostly interested in super kinky porn. tender shit, or simply normal vanilla sex does nothing for me, which imho is another arrow pointing to you're somewhat asexual, because what works for me is stuff that would be vaguely harder — just because people have misconceptions about bdsm — to try irl, so i can get aroused with some degree of separation between my pleasure and the acts i'm reading about). i don't know if i'm opposed to the idea of having sex, this is something i have to figure out.

i know this doesn't make me less asexual, but it helps to add this piece to the puzzle. my “problem” is not with sex.

but i'm starting to accept that i might not be sexually attracted to people.

i find people aesthetically attractive. i have crushes on people who i think are hot. i've had my share of celebrity crushes.

i might have had actual sexual thoughts for celebrity crushes when i was younger. i don't remember, honestly. i know i used to roleplay sexual scenarios about an actor with a friend when i was a teenager, but i don't remember how i felt about that. i know i like roleplaying a lot — though that was the only time i roleplayed something sexual, so i just love roleplaying regardless of the topic — and maybe i liked sharing that celebrity crush with my friend, but i don't remember if i felt anything about it. but either way, celebrity crushes are different. they're safer because you'll never get in the position to act on your crush on a celebrity, so fantasising about them is detached from reality. (and it's something i don't do anymore, honestly. i left it behind, along with rpf, with my 16yo self.)

the same happens with certain sexual fantasies. i never think of real people. i never think about other people at all. i think of things when masturbating, i read smut, but there's always this layer of separation. like, i'm having these thoughts and they arouse me but if i start thinking i might actually do this with someone it loses its appeal.

but i don't think i've ever actually been sexually attracted to a real person who i actually know. not in the past 4 years anyway. (i don't remember well enough what i felt before — though the fact that i don't remember is probably the answer i'm looking for — so i'll give past me the benefit of the doubt.)

i wasn't sexually attracted to the two or three people i've been in love with in my life. all my crushes have been romantic, maybe aesthetic, never explicitly sexual. i always think that the people i like are beautiful, but it's not sexual.

i can remember only one moment of sexual attraction in my entire life. i was 17, dancing with a girl who had more or less the same body type as me (this is relevant): she was maybe a bit fitter, but she wasn't skinny, she had broad shoulders and a thick neck and i felt all her curves pressed against mine as we danced. in that moment i thought i wanted to have sex with her.

which brings me to another question: how much of my sex-with-other-people repulsion comes from asexuality, and how much is simply me hating my body and not wanting anyone to see it? it feels relevant that the only time i remember feeling sexual attraction was towards someone that would've made me feel safe and not judged about my body, since she looked pretty much like me. when i try to think of having sex in a dark room, it feels vaguely more okay that doing it in the light, but i still can't really picture it, so who knows how much my body image issues are involved.

another question is: were those vaguely religion/moral-induced thoughts about purity affecting my feelings about sex in the past? as i said, i wasn't sexually attracted to the two people i loved in high school, but was the idea that thinking sexual thoughts about them would make me impure and would disrespect them (especially this; i was always more concerned about this) playing a role in it? it's definitely not something i'm concerned about anymore, because i've grown past those thoughts, but i also haven't liked anyone in a while so i can't see if anything's different now.

what i'm trying to say here is: i am definitely somewhat ace, but are there other factors contributing to it that could be “solved”?

i don't know.

it's funny, because i now realise that when i used to identify as a lesbian it was more because i wasn't attracted to men than because i was attracted to women, and this is likely why the lesbian label never really worked, and why i always felt the need to specify that i still somewhat maybe liked men.

i love women! i do think women's bodies are aesthetically more pleasing. but i also love men's bodies! so maybe my “i must be a lesbian because i'm not attracted to men” was just me not understanding that i'm simply not attracted to anyone. maybe i like women more simply because when i fall in love, i usually fall in love with women.

i've had plenty of crushes for men before i realised i wasn't straight, but ever since i came out as queer to myself i've mostly liked women. i don't think i've had crushes for real men in years. though i'm pretty sure i could like men in some way. (there have definitely been some men i was interested in, recently. often i found out that they're gay. all the other times it just leads to nothing. but the possibility is still there.) (i also have to say that i'm closet to more women than men. almost all my friends are either women or non binary. and most of my male acquaintances are gay. maybe if i got to know more men who aren't 100% gay i'd have a better chance to find out what i like about men...) (or maybe... maybe i'm asexual and homoromantic! maybe that's why i don't like men, because i can't fall in love with them, and at the same time i don't really feel sexual attraction! so maybe this feeling that i could still like men is because i do experience aesthetic attraction, and there is a vague possibility that i would have sex with someone, and this includes men, but it feels so far away because i'm not romantically interested in men AND i'm not sexually attracted to them.) (or maybe, hated sentence by everyone but that could genuinely apply to my situation, which is why i made that disclaimer at the beginning: maybe i haven't met the right man yet.)

i want to say that, even after all this paragraph about my attraction to men, i'm not seeing my attraction as something strictly related to gender and sex anymore. i used to, and it made me feel awful — i still remember how terrible i felt when i was convinced that i was a lesbian because i didn't like dicks, because i thought that not wanting to be with trans women who hadn't transitioned would make me transphobic, and i really didn't want to be transphobic — but now i just know that i'm queer and that's enough. i still wonder who i'm attracted to, as the previous paragraph proves, but it's more because i'm curious than because i'd let it define me or limit me. one of the reasons why i like the label queer is that, as much as i want to figure myself out, it helps me accept that i'm open to anything. i don't want what i think my sexuality is to be a limit, and it definitely felt like a limit when i was younger and so attached to labels it was actually unhealthy.

i don't think i'm aromantic, on the other hand. i've been in love before. i don't fall in love with people often, but when i do it happens pretty quickly (at least the initial layer of feeling hits me like a lorry). i think i do need an emotional connection to fall in love, but it's a kind of emotional connection i can form over the course of a single day. (kiss her once for me felt so validating tbh.) if a person feels right, and not many people do, my feelings can go from 0 to 100 in a couple of days. usually (but not always) when i get crushes (i'm talking about more intense crushes) they also fade pretty quickly, but if i feed them (usually because i don't feel the need to get over that person) they can last a lot even if i fell in love almost immediately. (it's weird, honestly, but i won't talk about this any longer because right now my focus is on sexual attraction, not romantic stuff.)

in the mess of thoughts that have been eating me lately, there's also the fact that i desperately want a queerplatonic relationship. maybe it's the asexuality telling me i don't want what most people would call a regular, normal relationship. maybe it's simply that i'm craving physical intimacy so much it hurts. and while some friendships would give me the kind of intimacy i'm looking for, i think i want something that's a step further.

i don't want sex. i might change my mind about this tomorrow if i met someone i'm attracted to. or maybe i'll fall in love with someone and we'll get together and at some point i'll want to have sex with them. or maybe one day i'll have a one night stand even though i'm not attracted to that person. which is why i said i'll see where life brings me.

i'm not even sure i want to kiss people. it's definitely something i want to try, but i don't feel the need to do it as much as i did in the past. and other than that, i don't feel the need for it to mean anything. i'd love to go to a night club and kiss someone just to see how it feels, even if i wasn't attracted to that person or if i didn't want to take it further.

(and who knows, maybe a first kiss or having sex would unlock me. maybe having an actual sexual or sexual-adjacent experience would answer all my questions in a way i don't expect. or maybe not.)

to go back to the qpr, i say i'm really lonely in general, and while it's true, and having more friends i can meet up with (because i have plenty of friends and i don't want more, but they're all around the world and right now i need people i can hang out with, which sadly means having to make more friends) would help, i'm also lonely in a way friends wouldn't solve.

i really want intense, non-sexual touches. someone who loves me the way i love them. someone whose relationship with me is different from friendship, but is not quite a relationship the way people usually define relationships.

(there's a whole other can of worms about me realising i would love to have a qpr with @ person who's not even on tumblr but we're being extra careful here, but we won't open it here.)

so yeah. i'm glad i put all of this into words because i've been thinking about this stuff for like 10 days (even longer subconsciously, or about certain parts of this whole essay, but in depth and with all the details only for 10 days) and now i can probably move on (or at least stop obsessing over it with no way out the way i do when i'm trying to put my thoughts together in a way that feels complete and satisfying enough).

the conclusion is that: i can say i am some flavour of asexual, which answers many questions about me, even though not all of them, and some not permanently, but i can at least confidently say i'm ace without feeling like i'm faking it!

apparently putting things on the internet makes me accept myself. same thing happened when i changed my pronouns online and i was hit by a wave of oh, so i'm not faking it.

sending love 💖

[explosivedesire]

Permanent Plotter For the Soul

There's some cruel irony to knowing it took almost 12 characters to write one of these. Then again I'm also REALLY bad at them but oh well what are you supposed to do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The usual applies here. Liking this post puts you in a blood contact with me for all eternity means you are more than okay with me sliding into your DM's, throwing memes at you on friday, mini replies, and throwing around random ideas in DM's when life isn't trying to have it out for me. Below is some more ideas if you are more interested in a larger scale & longer plots!

"Friends": Despite her incredibly high habit of screwing someone over for reasons only she would be willing to explain Architect is somehow capable of making friends. Kinda. Not everyone is going to approve of her antics but there might be some people out there who really don't care too much. And she's definitely "trying" to be on her best behavior but hey not everyone is perfect right?" Sometimes you want to blow up a sidewalk and sometimes you just want to be with your worstie as you sit in front of the microwave and watch a hot pocket go around for the entirety of the 3 minute 30 second time. If you can put up with all of her BS you'll at least earn yourself one pretty social person and maybe, JUST MAYBE, she might have your back when you need it most.

Plus I think it would be pretty amusing to have a close circle of "besties" she could constantly text at 4AM about what the best milk flavor is. Or just send you the next cat meme that somehow appeared on your feed.

"Enemies": Ah yes the actual thing that will probably happen to a lot of people here. Hilariously enough Architect is not going out of her way to make enemies but she sure as hell is going to make a few with how free spirited and explosive loving her heart is. That's sorta what happens when your loyalties to practically anyone under the sun is zilch beyond "oh no you captured me guess I'll stick around~~". Anyone who wants peace or trying to keep Spirale calm is going to absolutely want her stopped and honestly I'm here for those as well. People constantly trying to ruin her plans or throw a wrench in her next stupid plan are welcome. Or already "evil people" can think they are getting a good deal on someone and then get to watch her spectacular magic trick where Architect sells you out to someone else because they gave her a better price or just some pack of cookies. Really it depends on how she feels in the moment don't take it personally (It could also be worked into actually becoming friends you don't need to be one or the other. Frenemies exist after all :3)

Romance: She's an anarchist.

Do you really want to date the anarchist?

Honestly I don't got much in terms of romance. Architect definitely HAS the capacity to fall somewhat in love for different reasons (She called a certain someone "Lady Knight" idk what to tell you it writes itself okay?) but whether or not someone is there to reciprocate that weird genki girl love is completely up to the other party. Would I love if someone actually wanted a long-term plot with this living disaster of an individual? Absolutely. Am I gonna push for it? Nah.

That being said definitely come to her for love advice. She's pretty good at giving some and she might know a thing or two about how to dress up for the occasion**

**She absolutely does not know but I would love for her to try and be some person she really isn't at all.

[boundlss]

⭐ !!

first thing's first: i suppose i'll get the obvious ones out of the way, since they're easiest to explain. naturally i'd like for kazui and haruka to interact---i don't think they've spoken much in comparison to some of the other combinations between them, but i liked what little interactions did exist between them and i think it couldn't hurt to plot things further. i think interacting with mafuyu and kaito would be fun, too, since there's a lot mafuyu could still learn from niigo kaito even after the recent nightcord events. and rui, too, but rui's lower-muse for me at the moment so that sort of thing could take a while. and kaito and luka would obviously be a good matchup as well...

oh, but outside of that, i have a vague idea for muses that would probably get along well (or, maybe just interestingly) even if it would be harder to interact between them. i was tempted to say gunpowder tim and gunmeister smith should interact just because i think putting two characters with gun in their names together would be funny, although i think tim is significantly more violent than smith and smith would actually probably hate him. he might gel better with christopher shaldred or belkia, if anyone.

as a rule i'm usually open to whatever works, though, so this isn't like a strict "i only want to do interactions with these muses" thing... outside of the muses i listed already, there are a lot i'm familiar with who didn't have immediate possibilities come to mind---although now that i'm actually writing it out graverobber and renee parmedes branvillier might have interesting interactions...

anyway, i'll cut myself off there. sorry for getting wordy with it---that happens.

muse interest! / accepting.

[dailycupofcreativitea]

What are things you don't like about super?

Hmm, good question!

There are a few things, though let's be real: at the end of the day if there's a DB crumb on the ground, regardless of what it is I'm going to get on the floor and lick it XD

I'll put this under the cut because I know some people really love Super and might not appreciate how blunt I'm going to be about some of my feelings towards it:

My personal and biggest reason is just that it bores me quickly. Also I love Gohan and the others (like Krillin and Piccolo) and there's not a lot of anyone except Goku and Vegeta. I love Goku, and Vegeta's fun too, but their interactions have gotten kind of bland and predictable to me. This criticism is said often but it really is just the Goku and Vegeta show.

Also, and I have no idea why, but the DBS anime came off as cringy to me. I can't really explain why it's cringy...maybe 'cause it feels like there's no nuance to anything and everything is sort of thrown in your face? Or 'cause the colours are too bright and shiny? Regardless of what it is, it meant I never finished the ToP in the anime. I just didn't find characters like Jiren and Toppo (is that how you spell it?) and Hit and Frost and all interesting.

Oh and Whis and Beerus are so boring and bland now! The same tired old joke about Earth food over and over again, and they've lost that "oh shit we're talking to gods, everyone be on your best behaviour" feeling. Watching anything DBS means they're gonna appear and I'm tired of seeing them. I kind of wish there was an excuse so that they'd leave the show. I liked it a lot when DB was more "down to Earth", and then later as they explore their space origins Goku gets a bit starry eyed as he looks to the sky, but now that they've breached "god" territory it feels too "out there" for me, like it lost its origins. Like they feel "untouchable". It loses the magic for me a little bit.

When it comes to the manga, I AM keeping up with it (though again I skipped the ToP because I don't care much for new transformations and what not), but I'm just trying to take the good and leave the bad. There was some cool stuff in the Moro arc and there's one or two cool things in the Granolah arc and I do enjoy the few minutes I'm reading them but I treat it like "this is a nice fanfic :)" and not like "omg the series is so cool!". I think they keep having good ideas and then messing them up a bit. Granolah arc has dragged on so long with no change in scenery or anything that I can't really tell what's happening anymore, and I HATE all the spoon-feeding that's been happening lately with the plot.

Anyways, overall I treat DBS (both the manga and anime) as more of a comedy tbh. I get some good entertainment out of it but I don't really focus too much on it.