#Because I’m evil like that mwahahaha

[mushroominaforest]

IT HAS BEEN DONE

Yeah I made myself cry with this one

Saint gets to be happy :’)

At first I thought I wouldn’t have Saint wear earrings again because they never wanted them in the first place, but then something something reclaiming something forced on you by a controlling/abusive parent and using it as a way to express yourself and now I’m crying

They just look so happy idk man

ANYWAYS not to be emotional or anything lol uhhhhh yeah their new earrings were made out of lizard teeth by Arti (short for Artist I guess since she can make jewlery now.) Having earrings that aren’t like super fancy or pretty sort of represents that Saint doesn’t have to be perfect anymore. Currently in the story even though Saint and Inv got away from their mom, Saint is still extremely anxious all the time because of how strict she was with them. They will eventually heal, they just need some time and some unconditional love, which they’ll get from their amazing sibling and eventual girlfriend (once said gf heals enough from her own trauma to have a healthy relationship lol)

[sirswooshnoodles]

Alt text:

A video in which a hand holds a small orange, a voice says “would you like an orange” a second later the hand closes firmly revealing the orange peel was empty the whole time, the voice, beginning to laugh darkly, says “too bad!” Also it was actually a clementine, not an orange. The End.

[chicgeekgirl89]

A/N: @lemonlyman-dotcom. My darling. I HAVE CONNED YOU!! This is like in the Hallmark movies when you find out he/she was really a prince(ss)/secret millionaire/the owner of the evil corporation all along. YOUR SECRET SANTA IS MEEEEEEEEE!!! The Christmas tree fic is a FAKE!! I pretended to moan and groan about how I couldn't get this fic written BUT REALLY I WAS DELIGHTEDLY CRAFTING IT FOR YOU THE WHOLE TIME!!! Oh the evil joy it brought me every time I posted a little snippet of complete malarky and you reblogged it MWAHAHAHA!! 😈 How did I do? Were you fooled by my outstanding acting? Hehe, I hope you were and that this is a complete surprise! I took your @tarlos-santa prompt idea about Owen and Carlos teaming up to get T.K. the perfect gift and ran with it. It's full of holiday shenanigans and little easter eggs for you, good luck finding them all! (Also I hope you like this badly photoshopped header, I am delighted by the low quality badness of it lol!)

Read on AO3

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Carlos freezes, his lips pressed against the soft skin that lies just below T.K.’s bellybutton. His left index finger is hooked into the elastic waistband of T.K.’s boxers and  he’s already pulled them down low enough to see the sharp jut of his husband’s hipbone. He lifts his head, slightly alarmed. “Am I sure I want to give my husband a pre-work blowjob? Well I was, but now I’m not.”

“No, not that. Please keep doing that,” T.K. says, shifting a little bit, his hands going up behind his head. “I meant are you sure you want to go Christmas shopping with my dad today?”

“Oh, that.” Carlos presses another kiss into him. “Why wouldn’t I want to go?”

“Because my dad is…a lot,” T.K. says, then sucks in a breath when Carlos scrapes his teeth over that sexy hipbone. “And he’s terrible at Christmas shopping.”

“I know,” Carlos mumbles against T.K.’s skin. “That’s why I’m going.”

A week ago Owen had given him a call and invited him out for lunch and Christmas shopping. Surprised, but also pleased, he’d readily agreed and they’d made plans to meet at a restaurant in The Domain and hit up some of the stores afterward. Owen had texted Carlos last night to remind him to wear comfortable, practical footwear and bring reusable bags. 

“Maybe,” he says, nipping at the sensitive skin in the crux of T.K.’s thigh so that he squirms, “if I go, you’ll actually get something you like this year.”

“You really think that you can convince my dad to buy something normal for Christmas?” T.K. scoffs. “Good luck.”

Carlos looks up at him again. “You underestimate the cow eyes?”

“You’re going to use the cow eyes on my dad?”

“If I have to.”

“You’re going to use the cow eyes on my dad to stop him from buying me a fifteen pound block of imported cheese from Italy because the salesman tells him it’s a good deal? Or a decorative, three foot tall, hand carved horse statue that he thinks matches the aesthetics of the loft? Or—“

“I will take care of it,” Carlos assures him.

“What if he—“

“T.K.!”

“What?”

“How about we stop talking about your dad while I’m trying to blow you?”

He tugs T.K.’s boxers down, freeing his morning wood and T.K. lets out a hiss as the cool air of the loft touches his skin along with Carlos’ fingers. “Okay, yeah,” he says, his voice tight with the beginnings of pleasure. “We can do that.”

Two hours later Carlos is showered and dressed and pulling into the parking lot on the north side of the Domain. He checks the mall map and heads toward Flower Child, a restaurant with great vegan options and fresh ingredients.

Owen is sitting at a table outside, a Yankees hat on his head, and he stands when Carlos gets close, excitement on his face. “Carlos, good to see you,” he says, pulling him in for a brief hug.

“Thank you for the invitation.” 

Owen looks at him sympathetically as they sit. “I know this year is going to be hard,” he says. “And I know Christmas shopping with me isn’t the same as doing it with your dad, but I want to help where I can.”

Carlos bites back a snort of laughter. He and his dad never once Christmas shopped together. His dad hated shopping. It’s very sweet that Owen—who loves shopping and would consider an afternoon at the mall with his son a highlight of his week—thinks Gabriel and Carlos would have enjoyed doing the same, but honestly the idea of trying to drag his dad around for hours buying presents is hilarious.

“That’s very thoughtful Owen, thank you,” Carlos says, hoping with all his might that his dad is watching down from somewhere and laughing too.

“I took the liberty of ordering us both their seasonal rose petal lemonade,” Owen says. “Have you had the Glow Bowl here? The shiitake combined with the sunflower sauce is di-vine.”

“That sounds good,” Carlos says, flipping the menu over to take a look.

“The last time I brought T.K. here he had the roasted beet and organic apple salad.”

“I think I remember that,” Carlos says with a smile. His father-in-law has a penchant for taking menu items very seriously, a fun quirk that has carried over to T.K. His husband gets very excited anytime they try a new restaurant. Although he usually ends up liking Carlos’ meal better than his own, stealing bites until Carlos offers to switch. 

He ends up ordering the Glow Bowl and Owen decides to go wild and try the Brussels sprouts and organic kale salad after some banter with their server. “So,” Owen says, taking a sip of his lemonade. “How’s the new job?”

“Not so new anymore,” Carlos says. It’s been almost eight months at this point, but he and Owen really haven’t spent any significant time together since he started with the Rangers outside of professional reasons. He’s barely had time for his husband let alone anyone else. “I feel like I’m starting to find my place though. It’s different from beat work.”

“I’d imagine so. The hat and the belts alone are quite the change,” Owen comments.

Carlos chuckles. “Yeah it’s definitely a look.”

“Well, it’s one you wear quite well. How’s your mom?”

His smile dims. “She’s okay. The holidays are hard. She and my dad had a lot of traditions. But my tías and my sisters have been around a lot, so that helps.”

“And she has a son who is carrying on his father’s legacy,” Owen says. “I’m sure that helps too.”

Carlos shrugs, letting his fingers hug the glass in front of him, the condensation making them slick. “I guess.”

“You are humble to a fault Carlos,” Owen says. “I’m sure both of your parents are proud of you. I know I am. The way you’ve handled things this last year is impressive.”

“It doesn’t feel impressive.” Vulnerability slips into his tone. It’s not something he allows often, but his father-in-law pulled him back from the edge of making one of the biggest, most irreparable mistakes of his life. He’s already seen Carlos at his worst; admitting that he’s been struggling won’t do any damage. “It feels like I’m barely keeping my head above water most days,” he admits.

“The first year of marriage is always challenging,” Owen tells him factually. “I would know, I’ve done it several times. You and T.K. have faced some unique circumstances that have made it even more difficult. But you’re still together, working on yourselves, your relationship, your careers. That is impressive. Don’t forget to let yourself celebrate it.”

“Thanks,” Carlos says, dropping his eyes as his cheeks flush. “That means a lot.”

“Good.” Owen taps the table, his face serious. “Now, let’s talk about T.K.’s birthday. I have some ideas.”

They eat and talk with companionable ease. Carlos steers Owen away from the idea of hiring a mariachi band and circus performers for the party, but does concede to hiring a DJ. They also decide to have it catered by Carlos and T.K.’s favorite taco truck; the one that makes homemade churros that are to die for.

When they finish eating they throw away their garbage and Owen looks at him with renewed vigor. “So,” he says, “where should we start?”

“Well I have a few ideas—” 

“So do I! Come on, let me show you!”

Carlos follows his father-in-law down the line of stores. Even though it’s seventy-five degrees outside the place feels festive. There are windows decked out with wreaths and snowmen and Christmas trees, and Mariah Carey is blasting over the speakers. Families walk by, some smiling, others arguing. There are little kids dressed in their holiday best, ready for family photos, and a few melting down over toys that Santa won’t be bringing for several more weeks.

They walk into a store selling fitness equipment and Owen gestures grandly to a large black tub. “An ice bath!”

Carlos tries to school his face into something neutral. “An ice bath?”

“They are all the rage in the health and fitness industry right now. They boost your metabolism, provide stress relief, reduce inflammation, and improve your mood.”

“Mhm,” Carlos says, fully aware of the ice bath craze, but seeing for the first time just how difficult it might be to sway his father-in-law away from some of his more zany gift ideas.

Owen’s face falls in a way that is so reminiscent of T.K.’s disappointed face that Carlos feels a pang of guilt. “You don’t like it.”

“No, I—it’s a great idea,” Carlos says. “I’m just…I’m not sure where we’d put it in the loft.” He tries to emphasize how small and unsuited the loft is to this kind of gift without saying it aloud.

“Ah!” Owen says. “That’s the thing! This one is completely collapsible. Store it in the closet until you want it and then inflate it with one of these pumps in less than twenty minutes.” He grabs one off the shelf and holds it up to show Carlos. “It’s a cinch!”

“It…yeah. Seems…easy,” Carlos says, wondering how the hell he’s going to steer this ship to something more appropriate for T.K.

“And,” Owen says, “it’s really two for the price of one. Because you both can use it. Not at the same time obviously, it’s a very small tub.”

“Right,” Carlos says.

Owen eyes him critically. “Hm…you don’t seem to love the idea.”

“Oh no, I mean, if you think T.K.—“

“No, no, I can see it in your eyes. This isn’t the one. Not to worry, I have other options.”

He marches down a few aisles, but before they can find whatever it is he’s got his mind on, a smiling employee blocks their path. “Hello gentlemen. Finding everything you need?” she asks.

“Ah, not quite yet,” Owen tells her. “We are shopping for my son. This is his husband, Carlos.”

“Nice to meet you,” she says and something in her eyes hooks onto them. “You know, I’m not sure what exactly you’re in the market for, but we are having a sale on our elite face shape massagers.”

“Face shape massager?” Carlos asks in confusion.

She whips out a white box with a circular shaped device on the inside. “Yes! This little piece of technology can help reduce the appearance of double chins and improve skin quality! Would you like to give it a try?”

“Um, no, that’s okay,” Carlos says. “You know I really think we need to be moving on, right Owen?”

“No, no!” Owen says. “Give it a try. It can’t hurt. We Strand men have strong jawlines and I’m sure T.K. would like to keep his intact as the years go by. Let’s see how it works.”

Before Carlos can protest further the woman is looping the device over his head, his jaw clamping shut at the pressure. She pushes a button and red light illuminates his skin while the entire thing begins to vibrate. “Can you feel how the photons lift and firm the skin?” she asks.

“Mhmm,” Carlos says, the sound vibrating along with the massager.

“That is incredible,” Owen says, taking a step closer so he can get a better look. “It has red and blue infra lights?”

“It does! And it works even better when combined with our Cleopatra LED Light Mask,” she says, showing them a plastic mask that would make even Hannibal Lecter flee in terror. Carlos can only imagine how T.K. would use that to torture him, leaning over him in the middle of the night, his face lit by the red glow of the lights…

Carlos rips the massager off his face and hands it back to the woman. “Thank you so much for your time, but I think we’re going to go a different direction.”

"I don’t know Carlos, these both seem very reasonably priced,” Owen says, checking out the tag.

“You know what, I actually think T.K. already has both of these,” Carlos says in desperation. He mentally casts around for a believable lie. “…Marjan got them for his birthday… last year.”

“Oh, well, in that case—“

“What about for you, sir?” the woman asks Owen, her skills at capturing her prey honed to perfection after years of retail work. “I can see you take excellent care of your skin. Your pores are nearly non-existent.”

Owen beams and fifteen minutes later they walk out the door with two bags of “me-gifts” for him to put under his own Christmas tree. “Are you sure you don’t want some of these under eye de-puffers?” Owen asks, “They come in a two-pack.”

“I’m good,” Carlos says. “Thank you though.”

“Let me know if you change your mind.”

“Will do.”

“Okay,” Owen claps his hands. “So we’ve struck out on T.K. so far, but I have another idea.”

“Great!” Carlos says.

Owen looks at him with great confidence. “A hat.”

“A hat?”

“A hat.”

Forty-five minutes later Carlos loses the hat battle and they leave a Western wear shop with a brown leather cowboy hat for T.K. that he is going to love, but will have no practical use for outside of their bedroom. Owen is thrilled that his son can now match with Carlos, and Carlos is just glad they got the brown one and not the shiny blue one with silver stars.

He offers to take their bags to the car since they’re starting to get in the way and he’s on his way back, trying to figure out how he’s going to convince his father-in-law to go to Dick’s Sporting Goods and buy some batting gloves that are actually on T.K.’s wish list. Owen will probably dislike this idea because it is both practical and reasonably priced.

Carlos is plotting his plan of attack when a hand reaches out and grabs him, jerking him behind a sign with a map of the mall on it. “Whoa, hey!” he says, before realizing it’s Owen who has latched onto his arm. “What’s going on?”

“Look. Over there.”

Carlos follows the line of his finger to a kiosk selling cellphone cases and accessories. “Owen, what am I looking at?”

“That guy.”

“The one that looks like Santa?” The jolly, bearded fellow is talking to the seller at the kiosk, smiling and laughing.

“And the other guy.”

A shifty looking man, younger than the bearded grandfatherly type who is talking to the salesperson, is lurking near the stand too. “Okay…” Carlos says.

“I’ve been following them since you left. I’m pretty sure they just shoplifted from Bath and Body Works. And it looks like they’re about to do it again. We need to stop them.”

“Owen, that’s a pretty serious accusation. Are you sure that’s really what you saw?”

“The jolly one was distracting the workers with his holiday charm and I’m pretty sure the shifty one put several hand sanitizers in his pockets.”

Carlos barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Pretty sure?”

“There was a stand of candles in the way, but I know I’m very sure he was shoving them in by the handfuls.”

“Then let’s go tell a mall security guard.”

“All they’re going to do is call APD. You can arrest them now and prevent more crime from happening before APD can even get here.”

“I can’t arrest them because you think you saw them do something,” Carlos says.

Owen sighs. “Just watch. You’ll see.”

As they watch the shifty guy moves away from the stand and slinks toward another store a little further down. Carlos relaxes his shoulders. “See? Nothing happening here. Let’s check out—“

He’s interrupted by a huge crash as an entire shelf of the cellphone kiosk hits the floor, sending things flying everywhere. Everyone in the area stops and stares as the kiosk worker reels backward and falls to the floor.

Owen and Carlos move simultaneously. “Whoa, easy there,” Owen says as the kiosk worker tries to sit up. “That was a nasty fall. Are you hurt?”

“No, no, I’m okay,” he says, wincing as he pushes himself upright. “I don’t know what happened.”

“It looks like someone removed the pins from this shelf,” Carlos says, examining it. 

“Removed the pins? Why would someone do that?”

“Could have been a prank of some kind,” Carlos says.

“Or it could have been someone trying to create a distraction,” Owen says, giving Carlos a meaningful look.

“A distraction?” The guy looks confused. “What?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Carlos tells him. “Here, we’ll help you clean this up.”

They spend a few minutes picking up cellphone bits and bobs and helping the guy get the shelf back into place. “Is that everything?” Owen asks.

The guy looks around. “Yeah. I think so. Thank you guys for your help, I’m sure you have other things to get back to.”

As soon as they’re out of earshot Owen shakes his head. “Told you. Shoplifters.”

“Owen…”

“I know, you think I’m crazy. But where are that Santa guy and his shifty elf helper now, huh? Did they stick around to help? No. I bet you that shifty guy loosened that shelf on purpose and then he and Santa grabbed things from one of these nearby stores while we were distracted.”

“Or,” Carlos says pragmatically, “the shelf was never installed correctly and fell on its own.” He smiles and nods toward the sporting goods store. “How do we feel about some batting gloves?”

Owen does buy the batting gloves, but Carlos suspects it’s only because he’s preoccupied with his fictional shoplifter case. He keeps looking around, trying to be casual about it, but failing miserably. Strand men are great at a lot of things; subtlety is not one of them.

“You’re still thinking about those guys, huh?” Carlos asks as they walk out of Dick’s Sporting Goods.

“I know in my gut that they’re up to no good, Carlos,” Owen says. “You see a lot of shady people in my line of work.”

“More than in mine?” Carlos asks skeptically.

“Okay, fair point. But are you really telling me you don’t think they looked a little suspicious?”

Carlos mentally reviews what he saw earlier. “They definitely looked like they could be trouble. But we have no proof. Unless we see something else, there’s nothing we can do.”

“I’m so glad you agree,” Owen says. “I think it’s time for further investigation.”

Carlos stops walking, his brow furrowing in surprise. “Further investigation?”

“Come on. We’re making a little detour. I hope you know what you want for Christmas.”

Carlos follows him toward the center of the mall where a giant Christmas display has been set up and fake snow flurries from the sky. There’s a large gingerbread cottage, fake reindeer, a candy-cane lined path, mounds of cotton acting as the only snowfall Texas will see this year, and the centerpiece of it all is a gigantic throne upon which sits a jolly Santa who is holding two screaming toddlers while an elf attempts to get a picture worthy of a Christmas card. 

“Owen, what are we doing here?” Carlos asks. Two men hanging around a kid-friendly area sans children is not a good look.

“I heard that Santa guy talking earlier. He doesn’t just look like Santa, he is one of the mall Santas. The scrawny guy is an elf. And I know where their green room is.” He takes a look around and then ducks under one of the candy cane striped ribbons that line the area to keep pedestrians out. “Follow my lead,” he says and then drops out of sight into a mound of cotton snow.

“Owen!” Carlos hisses, dropping to his own knees instinctually so that both of them are now hidden in the piles of fluff. “Owen what are you doing?”

“Investigating. This way,” Owen whispers over his shoulder, beckoning Carlos forward. 

He really has no choice. Owen is going to do this whether Carlos follows him or not. So Carlos crawls on his hands and knees after his father-in-law, past reindeer legs and lollipop stems, until they reach the base of the gingerbread house. 

Owen points silently toward a cutout window and, like something out of a cheesy, 90’s Christmas film, they both rise up underneath it, trying to listen and peek over the sill without being seen. 

Sure enough the Santa look alike and his scrawny elf partner are both inside. “Ugh. Only like fifteen hand sanitizers and a couple hand lotions,” the scrawny guy says, shoving merchandise into a large blue duffle bag. “Got some decent jewelry from Kendra Scott while everyone was distracted with that cell phone kiosk though.”

“I told you. We have to keep it small. Otherwise people will get suspicious. Besides, we got that laptop last week and all those clothes from Anthropologie. Those are worth a lot on resale.” Santa takes a sip from his coffee cup. “I made almost ten grand off a mall in El Paso last year. Trust me. This’ll be worth it if we can make it a couple more weeks.”

“It had better be. This elf costume itches,” the scrawny guy retorts, reaching for a red and green costume hanging from a hook on the wall.

Owen motions to Carlos and they crawl back out toward the regular part of the mall. “There you have it,” Owens says as they stand. “Proof. Let’s bust in there and arrest them.”

“You aren’t authorized to arrest anyone. And I’m off duty,” Carlos says. “There are lots of bystanders around. This isn’t a violent crime. We need to call it in first.”

“Okay, so call away.”

“I will,” Carlos says. “Keep an eye on them, let me know if they go anywhere.”

“You got it,” Owen says.

Carlos sends a mental apology to his dad. He’d been really annoyed all those times Gabriel had gotten caught up in one of Owen Strand’s schemes. But now he can see that it’s a very slippery slope and once you start sliding you can’t stop.

He places a call, explains the situation and confirms that officers will be arriving shortly. Relieved that this is almost over, he turns back to tell Owen they need to stick around until APD arrives, but Owen has vanished

Frantically Carlos scans the area, his eyes landing in horror on the line of children and parents waiting eagerly to meet Santa. Sometime in the last ten minutes their suspects have taken center stage, Santa on his throne and Scrawny taking photos. Owen is up next in line, the woman behind him eyeing him suspiciously as she holds tightly to the hand of an eager little boy in a sweater with a T-Rex wearing reindeer antlers on its head. 

Before Carlos can even move, Scrawny, now dressed in full red and green elf regalia, calls Owen forward and he marches up toward Santa’s throne. “Oh no,” Carlos whispers under his breath as he jogs over to the line. “Excuse me,” he says, trying to push toward the front.

“Hey! No cutting! Get in the back!” an irate father yells.

Another elf with a headset puts both hands out to stop Carlos from moving further. “Sir! Sir! You have to wait at the end of the line!” 

“This is official Texas Ranger business,” Carlos tells her, his heart pounding as he watches Owen step right up to their suspects.

“Right, sure it is,” she scoffs.”

“Buddy, what do you want?” Santa asks, suspicion in his voice, despite the smile on his face.

“Owen, stop!” Carlos calls desperately, pushing past the headset elf who immediately begins calling for security.

Either Owen doesn’t hear or he doesn’t care, his voice carrying over the din of the crowd. “What I want to know is, why you think it’s acceptable to use the good name of Santa Claus for criminal activity,” he says.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Santa tells him. “Ho, ho, ho, is this some kind of joke?”

“It most certainly is not a joke,” Owen says. “Santa is supposed to give gifts away, not steal them for himself.”

“Okay, get out of here,” Scrawny the elf says, marching toward him.

“I will not get out of here,” Owen says hotly. “The two of you are robbing the stores of this mall and I won’t stand for it. Not at Christmas.”

“Buddy, you knock it off right now,” Santa says, his twinkly persona dropping away as he gets to his feet.

“You don’t deserve to wear this suit,” Owen tells him, poking a finger at his chest. “We have evidence of what you’ve done. Let’s not make a scene in front of all these families. The respectable thing to do here is to calmly turn yourselves over to the authorities.”

Owen is right. That would be the respectable thing to do. But this is not a respectable Santa. 

Instead, he runs. And Owen goes after him.

“Owen! Wait!” Carlos yells, vaulting a gumdrop fence to try and get closer.

It’s too late. Owen takes a flying leap and tackles Santa into a snowbank, knocking a fake reindeer’s head off in the process as the crowd around the display gasps in shock and Run, Run Rudolph begins to blast over the speakers.

“Stop! Texas Ranger!” Carlos yells, and then ducks as Scrawny grabs a giant candy cane and swings it at his head. 

Carlos catches the candy cane in both hands and grabs on tightly. “Drop it!” he orders. 

Scrawny refuses to let go and they wrestle over it for a minute until Carlos manages to rip it out of his hands, chucking it to the side. “Get on your knees,” he says, but Scrawny is scrappy. He lunges forward and catches Carlos around the middle, sending both of them sprawling onto the floor.

Carlos grunts as he lands flat on his back, the air immediately knocked from his lungs. Scrawny takes advantage of that to deliver a devastating blow to his jaw that sends pain exploding through Carlos’ face. 

On instinct more than skill he manages to hook a leg around Scrawny and roll them both over, grabbing his wrists and pinning them to the floor. “Stop moving,” he orders between gritted teeth. “Turn over.”

“I didn’t do anything!” Scrawny yells.

“Yeah well, you can tell the officers all about that when they get here,” Carlos huffs out, shoving the man onto his front and pinning his hands behind his back. 

His assailant subdued, he looks up and find that Owen has Santa in a headlock. “Get off of me!” Santa yells.

“You, are a very bad Santa,” Owen says breathlessly as blood pools in a cut on his lip and a black eye begins blooming around his eye socket.

“He’s hurting Santa!” The yell of a small child catches Carlos’ attention and his face heats as he realizes how many onlookers are gaping at them, cellphones taking video that is likely going to break the internet at some point later today.

“Owen let him go!” Carlos calls as mall security appears in the distance, one of them cruising in on a Segway that has been decorated in red and green tinsel garland.

Owen releases Santa, both of them doubling over in pain as Carlos pulls Scrawny to his feet. The Segway security guard skids to a stop and approaches him warily. “I’m Carlos Reyes, a Major with the Texas Rangers,” Carlos tells him. “These two have been stealing from stores in the mall all day. I have APD on the way.”

“We’ve been getting reports of items missing,” the officer says. “Didn’t ever think it would be Santa and his elf though.”

“Do you have somewhere to hold these two until they get here?” Carlos asks.

“Yes, sir.”

Carlos hands off Scrawny as another two guards grab Santa and plop him down into the back of a golf cart, securing his hands with zip ties.

“Are you okay?” Carlos asks Owen. It’s hard to get the words out, his jaw aching more and more with each syllable as it begins to swell.

“He got a couple good shots in,” Owen says, swiping at the blood on his lip. “I’ve had worse though.”

“You should have let me handle it,” Carlos says.

“Sorry Carlos, I know you’re good. But you’re not good enough to take on Santa and his elf,” Owen tells him. 

Someone from mall security gets them ice and then APD finally shows up. Carlos has just finished giving his statement to an officer when EMS arrives. He groans when he sees who it is. “We’re in trouble.”

Owen follows his gaze and winces. “Oh yeah. We are.”

Tommy, Nancy, and T.K. are moving toward them and Carlos can spot the exact moment they get close enough to realize who they’re going to be helping today because all three of them freeze on the spot. T.K.’s eyes go wide and then a mixture of worry and fury crosses his face as he picks up the pace and beats his partner and his boss to their sides.

“What happened?” he demands, kneeling down and putting a hand on Carlos’ thigh.

“There was a situation that needed to be dealt with and we handled it,” Owen says and T.K. shoots him a look of fury. 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means Santa was up to no good and we stopped it,” Carlos says, suddenly feeling very tired. 

T.K. opens his mouth, but Tommy and Nancy reach them at that point and they have their own questions. “Well this is a bit of a surprise,” Tommy says, reaching for the ice that Owen is holding on his eye. “What on earth have you two been up to today?”

“Yeah Captain Strand, I thought you had worked through the anger issues,” Nancy says, attaching a pulse oximeter to Carlos’ index finger.

“This wasn’t anger. This was holiday related justice,” Owen says primly.

“More like holiday related shenanigans,” T.K. mutters under his breath, but the concerned eyes he shoots at Carlos and the steady rubbing of his hand up and down Carlos’ thigh for comfort bely that his anger is really just worry.

“Okay, both of you, tell us what hurts,” Tommy commands.

In the end they get taken to the hospital for x-rays. Owen is pronounced fine, no damage done to his eye socket, although he’ll have one hell of a black eye, and Carlos’ jaw isn’t broken, but it is badly bruised. Scrawny really packed a punch. He’s relieved when he’s finally back home in bed, T.K. fussing over the comforter and the ice pack he’s holding to his face.

“Is the ice too cold?” T.K. asks. “Are you hungry? Of course you’re hungry, it’s like eight o’clock. I’m going to make you some soup.”

Carlos has a feeling he won’t be eating solids for several days, and soup does sound good; lunch with Owen feels like weeks ago at this point. But he catches T.K.’s hand and tugs him down onto the bed instead. “In a minute,” Carlos says. “Sit with me for a bit first.”

T.K. perches on the edge a frown on his face as he brushes a hand through Carlos’ curls. “I shouldn’t have let you go with my dad today. I knew something like this would happen.”

“How could you possibly have known something like this would happen?” Carlos asks, cracking an incredulous smile and then wincing when it sends throbs of pain through his face.

“Because that’s how it always is with my dad. If there’s trouble, he’s going to find it. He’s almost gotten us killed twice. He went undercover with a white nationalist group. He bought a horse and kept it at the firehouse for weeks. It’s like he literally can’t help himself.”

“He did the right thing today though,” Carlos says. “Those guys had stolen thousands of dollars worth of stuff from the shops in the mall.”

“I know, but I wish you hadn’t been in the middle of it,” T.K. grumbles, his hand coming up to gently cup Carlos’ bruised jaw. “Did you get any shopping done? Or did you spend the entire time playing detective?”

“Oh we got some shopping done,” Carlos says. “And I tried. I really tried babe. But your dad is…”

“Stubborn? Difficult? Unpredictable?”

Carlos nods. “All of those things.”

“So? What should I look forward to getting for Christmas this year?”

“How do you feel about hats…?”

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (23-24 SZN PART 6)

au masterlist

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, dougieham, and 237,029 others

y/ndevils00 HAPPY REGULAR SEASON!!!

WELCOME BACK TO THE SPECIAL EDITION: JACK HUGHES SHOW!

OUR MIGHTY FINE DEVILS WON 4-3 AGAINST THE MICHIGAN BIRDS!

tonight, my beloved, apparent bad boy, got TWO goals, but more importantly TWO penalties!! i love when he does good things, but i love when he does bad things even more!! even if the first penalty WAS a bit of a chintzy call, i still loved seeing him locked up 🥰

my favorite autumn tree got his first goal of the season tonight, and i couldn’t be prouder! you go, ginger snap!

my sweet bratt also got a penalty for interference, which makes no sense to me, and obviously not to him either- but alas, we persevered!

and last, but certainly not least, UNCLE HAULA-HOOP GOT AN EMPTY NET GOAL, WHICH SECURED OUR WIN!! THANK YOU, HAULA BACK GAL!

p.s. i’m sorry to Ellen, who i accidentally ditched to get a picture of her son in the bad boy box, and who also might’ve heard me call him a naughty slut— she laughed, but i think i saw a part of her die inside

tagged jackhughes, dougieham, jesperbratt, and ehaula

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jackhughes did you seriously post a photo of me COMMITTING MY PENALTY?

y/ndevils00 you chose violence. i love it. 👁️🫦👁️

trevorzegras hey those emojis look exactly like you

y/ndevils00 @/trevorzegras I WAS HAVING A GOOD NIGHT AND THEN YOU SHOWED UP

dougieham autumn tree?

dougieham wait, hold on, i got this….

dougieham trees are tall and their leaves turn red and orange in autumn. i am tall and a ginger (red/orange)! therefore, me = autumn tree

y/ndevils00 YOU DID IT!! 🥹 i think i’m even prouder now than for your goal!

john.marino97 no me? no dawson?

dawson1417 yeah, no us?

y/ndevils00 @/dawson1417 i have two words, eight letters.

dawson1417 “love y’all” ?

john.marino97 forgive him, he’s new to this

y/ndevils00 @/dawson1417 DO BETTER

dawson1417 oh :( but you DO love us, right?

y/ndevils00 @/dawson1417 duh, obviously

user26 DEVILS ARE SO BACK

jesperbratt i didn’t do anything 🙁

y/ndevils00 i know you didn’t, my little swedish meatball! I’LL FIX THIS!

jackhughes no you won’t

y/ndevils00 no i won’t :(

ehaula i’ve missed you, niece!! and unfortunately your puns too

y/ndevils00 IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME!! MWAHAHAHA

ehaula was that your evil laugh?

y/ndevils00 yeh

ehaula it was adorable

y/ndevils00 😠

ehaula @/kristen.haula isn’t she cute?!

kristen.haula our niece 🥹

user83 I WANNA BE HIS MOUTHGUARD

y/ndevils00 me first!

jackhughes why

elblue6 i promise, i didn’t die inside! call him a slut all you want!

jackhughes MOM?

y/ndevils00 you are my only true supporter, Ellen 🫶

nicohischier you didn’t call me any names! i used to pray for times like these

y/ndevils00 only because i didn’t get a picture fast enough of you bent over like me in the bedroom

jackhughes why do you say these things

nicohischier please stop talking

y/ndevils00 never. 🗣️ SLUT 🗣️

lhughes_06 i made it out unscathed 🙏

y/ndevils00 you wish

lhughes_06 wait, what?

y/ndevils00

liked by john.marino97, lhughes_06, and 234,641 others

y/ndevils00 i was so happy to meet so many of your wonderful faces on the red carpet!

i was just there to do my job (taking pictures of my boyfriend! god i love my job!) but so many of you asked for pictures with ME and it made my heart feel so full!

i never thought that accepting this job would mean finding a boyfriend, a brother (two! actually!), two amazing best friends, and apparently a family of supporters! i’m so grateful to have the opportunity to make a lifetime of memories with this amazing team!

go devils! but most importantly, go devils fans! this wouldn’t be possible without y’all!

tagged jackhughes, john.marino97, lhughes_06, and dawson1417

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user19 i’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you’re the one to thank for Jack’s new hair, in which case THANK YOU 🙏🫶

y/ndevils00 you’d be correct 😈 YOU’RE SO WELCOME

jackhughes ya know, I’M the one who went and got my haircut

y/ndevils00 yeah, after i played subliminal messages in your ears at night, telling you that you should go and get it cut

jackhughes you what?

y/ndevils00 you look so handsome, babygirl!

lhughes_06 my squishy!

y/ndevils00 MY SMUSH!

lhughes_06 you looked radiant tonight

y/ndevils00 aww, well you looked quite dashing, yourself!

lhughes_06 my sister ❤️

jackhughes she’s in the closet

trevorzegras she came out?

y/ndevils00 @/trevorzegras I’M CRYING, YOU IDIOT! i’m in the physical closet, not the metaphorical one!

trevorzegras oh! my b, bro

dawson1417 THAT’S ME!

y/ndevils00 that’s you!!

dawson1417 i’m also grateful you have this opportunity and that you took this job btw

y/ndevils00 THIS POST WAS NEVER MEANT TO MAKE *ME* CRY

dawson1417 please don’t cry, i’ll bring you a churro tomorrow?

y/ndevils00 suddenly my tears are gone

jackhughes no they’re not

dawson1417 @/jackhughes i’ll bring her a churro anyways

user73 I MET YOU!!! you’re so sweet, and gorgeous! i think i was even more excited to meet you than Jack!

y/ndevils00 ME? LOOK AT YOU, BEAUTIFUL GIRL!

jackhughes i feel like i should feel offended, but somehow i’m not because i’d be excited to meet dove too

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes you’re so obsessed with me

user39 JOHN PICS 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️ THANK YOU, Y/N!!

jackhughes my beautiful, crazy girl ♥️ i’m thankful everyday that you accepted this job and that you accepted the title of my girlfriend

y/ndevils00 aw, i love you to pluto, my sweet boy ♥️

y/ndevils00 p.s. if you’re so thankful, you should think about changing my title 🥰

jackhughes moments over

y/ndevils00 I’M JUST SAYING

_quinnhughes you didn’t hear it from me…. but he’s definitely thought about changing it

y/ndevils00 @_quinnhughes you’re my new favorite hughes

_quinnhughes i wasn’t already?

y/ndevils00 well, you were, and then luke bought me pizza

_quinnhughes pizza? PIZZA is all it takes?!

y/ndevils00 please captain huggy, have mercy on me, i was starving and your middle brother was trying to feed me chicken that wasn’t tenders or nuggets

john.marino97 grateful for you and the way you push me to d* b*tter ❤️

y/ndevils00 did you just censor “do better” ?

john.marino97 it’s given me ptdbs

y/ndevils00 ?

y/ndevils00 wait— “post traumatic do better syndrome”

y/ndevils00 i’m so smart 🥰

john.marino97 yes, you are! such a smart girl!

y/ndevils00 that feels like sarcasm but i’m gonna ignore it

[merakiui]

Just read Sunday hate sex, It was amaizng mera 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹. I could feel the hate through the screen!!! But also Sundays linger desperation for reader, it was written so beautifully (✯◡✯). I’m so curious about your imagined epilogue for the fic!! Do you think the pure angst route, where reader and Sunday are left to find new pursuing relationships and eventually forget eachother? Or maybe by fate, and misfortune for them, they see eachother and get a repeat of Sundays wedding night and hook up!?

Im also curious wtf Sundays excuse is to his wife?? How does he explain suddenly disappearing for like hours to bang his ex gf out to her 😭

Either way, it was so fun to read!! Thank you for feeding my Sunday hate sex craving ��

- 🎨📝 anon

AAAAA ( ≧ᗜ≦) THANK YOU DEARLY, 🎨📝 anon!!!!! I had so much fun writing it. Their banter is my favorite part. For some couples, bickering is a bad thing. For you and Sunday, it's just part of the foreplay. T_T whether they like it or not, they are capable of matching each other's freak........ orz

I put way too much thought into this oneshot as if it's going to be a whole series,,, so in my heart they are destined to meet again in classic rom-com fashion. I like to think most of reader's present-day hate for Sunday stems from the fact that he's married (even if it's only out of convenience for both sides) because she's the one who desperately wants to be married. I wanted to include an exchange that's something like this, but it wouldn't fit in the fic:

Darling: I'm pushing 30 and that asshole is married!!!! Before me!!! It's not FAIR!

Aventurine: You're 33, love. [darling subjects him to an evil glare] and you've never looked better~ ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧ why, I'd marry you in a heartbeat!

I need Aventurine and Ratio to be the devil and angel on darling's shoulders when it comes to Sunday. >:) a silly dynamic methinks. the painfully hard truth of Ratio's realistic logic versus Aven's yolo-esque risk-taking.

Sunday sweating oceans because he's guilty of doing something that could very well be damaging to his reputation and marriage mwahahaha....... I think he manages to smoothly explain something cryptic about how he had to deal with a pest problem LOL. Something about a pesky little mouse running rampant in the halls and it needed his immediate attention...

[ahsokasupremacy]

Alright, here are my Top Ten funniest guesses (+1 that I bet nobody ELSE will guess) for who Inquisitor Marrok actually is!

You are most welcome to correct me or let me know who YOU think is most probable.

And just to challenge myself, I’m NOT putting Ezra. Because that would be too obvious.

1. Barriss Offee

I’m serious when I say that this is probably the most likely.

We know that she is a very important character in Ahsoka’s life, the writers could be trying to mislead us into thinking that the Force User is a man when really we have no confirmation that they are. Plus Dave Filoni has said in interviews that he refused to have the character make cameos just because he wanted to save her for later. Also, many people already speculated that Barriss became an Inquisitor after Order 66, explaining the double-sided Inquisitor lightsaber.

2. Darth Maul

Their build is a little too skinny for Darth Maul, and also wow, he must really be getting up there. And also, he died in Rebels. But when has that really ever stopped Disney from resurrecting him? I just think they should keep bringing him back. For the bit. I want the opening scroll for the upcoming Daisy Ridley movie to contain the words “Somehow, Darth Maul returned…”

3. Bo Katan

I highly doubt this because her character arc on the Mandalorian is already concluded, but I can kinda see her doing this as like, a side gig. Homegirl is probably broke from paying off Mandalore’s restoration fees. She’s not a Force User unfortunately, but when has that ever stopped her? I like to believe that Bo Katan simply woke up one day and decided to be Force Sensitive and it all kinda worked out for her somehow.

4. Lux Bonteri

If this is the option David Filoni is going with, BOOO. Yet another character who isn’t Force Sensitive. If you really think about it, Dave Filoni probably wants to include someone with an important history with Ahsoka, someone close to her that she held dear and that betrayed her and that she still has lingering feelings for.

Well actually that person is Barriss, and yknow, she kinda went MIA. Sooo the next best thing we could get is Lux, I guess!

5. Anakin (Force Ghost)

Daaaad, what are you doing here?

Well, the ghosts of Obi-Wan and Yoda told him to fuck off and get a job. So here he is. He’s putting in the work! He’s logging onto his Zoom! Ahsoka is gonna be sooo surprised when he finally takes off the mask and reveals it was him along. Just you wait! It’s gonna be so funny!

6. Korkie Kryze

Now we’re really starting to get big brained here.

In Legends, we have Jacen Solo. In the sequels, we have Kylo Ren.

But in the Brand New Republic era? Hark, a new villain arises. Korkie is embittered about being left behind and forgotten by his biological parents, Satine and Obi-Wan. And now he is out for revenge against all the Force Users and Mandalorians who abandoned him. Mwahahaha. We should’ve known he would turn out like this, he’s a ginger after all.

7. Ventress

This would technically make Dark Disciple non-canon? But I don't think Dave Filoni cares, considering he hilariously made the Ahsoka novel non-canon. Ventress is obviously very powerful and capable of dual-wielding and she would make a great candidate for an Inquisitor. Plus her and Morgan Elsbeth are both former Nightsisters so points for rapport.

8. Anakin’s Evil Clone

Hey, I mean Palpatine HAD to start somewhere, right? He didn’t just create Snoke without practice. I like to think he tried making a second Anakin at first, only to discover that Clonakin was a huge pain in the ass and doesn’t wanna follow orders just sit on the couch all day eating the space equivalent of Hot Cheetos.

9. Cal Kestis but he’s evil now

This one pretty much goes against everything we know about Cal but hey, I’ll take a live action Cal cameo any day now. I’ve been on the frontlines defending my babygirl Anakin since day one, don’t even try to lecture me about the ethics of stanning Darksider Cal.

9. Mara Jade

OK no more messing around!! I'm serious this time!

EVERYONE LISTEN CLOSELY!

I think the reason why Dave hasn't made any references to Eli, or Ar'alani, or Vahnya must be because he grew up on the 80s Legends trilogy (not the canon trilogy). Whenever Thrawn is mentioned, there is a direct reference to Heir to the Empire. The same novel where Mara Jade is introduced as the Hand of the Emperor. Coincidence? I think not! Obviously, this must be part of Dave Filoni's master plan to softlaunch the upcoming top secret Thrawn series adaptation.

10. Starkiller

My only real proof is that his name (Marek, Marrok) kinda sounds similar?

Making Starkiller canon would create a whole bunch of problems for the Star Wars timeline. I think his origin story is too Mary Sue-y for even Dave Filoni to try and integrate into current canon.

However, it would be interesting to see a showdown between Anakin's two former apprentices. Interesting, but unlikely.

And finally, for my last guess, I will tell you exactly who Marrok REALLY is. Kathleen Kennedy told me personally, so don't get mad at me! She said it, not me!

11. Luuke (the clone Palpatine made out of Luke's dismembered hand)

This is the ONLY correct answer.

Us Timothy Zahn enjoyers know that this was really Luuke all along. I told you, Snoke isn't the first clone that Palpatine made! I imagine he had a lot of downtime and got bored and decided to fuck around, and that's how we got Luuke.

And yes, I would cast Sebastian Stan to play him because I'm petty AF.

[ctrl-alt-deleting-yr-face]

i like doing those quotev quizzes where it’s labeled “girls only” because it makes me feel like an evil spy. hah! you fool! i am not a woman! but i will answer your questions about what frilly skirt i would wear nonetheless. mwahahaha! i’m sneaky!

[squarebracketsmileyface]

I need to put them all in therapy. And I need to cast ye out of mine skull because I fucking dreamed about S,IL this is ridiculous. I’m gagging like a cat at you.

(this isn’t a hate ask I hope that’s clear.)

S,IL will never leave your head, you're trapped here now, just like all those lil guys I'm torturing. They won't get therapy, they'll die still needing it >:] I'm collecting people's souls through my fics and I'm putting them in jars to run evil evil experiments on with evil evil machines so I can write more evil evil angst mwahahaha

[depressed-teacup-inc]

A double review because at this point, the show is just repeating itself

Alright so miraculous again decided to air two episodes at once, which ok, annoying as fuck for someone that times and reviews them, but we survive either way. Let’s go!

Confrontation

Alright, I’m officially renaming “Lila episodes” into “Lila and Chloe episodes” because literally Chloe has become the new Lila! Literally nothing that they do makes sense or has any reason beyond “they’re evil and hate marinette mwahahaha” and just exist to make marinette look better in comparison

(In case you’re wondering why they’re still around and what’s the point of Chloe and Lila, it’s because the minute they’re actually complex/compelling characters or they’re gone, Marinette’s actions and behaviors become way more awful in hindsight, so the show keeps these two around to make Marinette either a martyr or a hero)

Also nothing in this episode makes sense and constantly contradicts itself?

Like the entire premise of the episode being the students getting assigned to terrible high schools, but they never wanted to do these sheets in the first place? The lucky charms are suddenly magical shields, but then why wasn’t this discovered before? You’re telling me no one thought to encourage petiole away from being akumatized? And also, Lila’s plan is so flimsy and held by the thread that the students will just assume marinette did this for… basically no reason because they’re graduating

Also I don’t care what the episode argues, Damocles, André and Bustier all were shit role models and support systems for the students, and were a big reason as to why students were angry and akumatized in the first place, but sure let’s just pretend they’re good last minute you guys!

Anyways this sucked, next episode

Collusion

So… Adrien has officially been character assassinated by the show to have no personality beyond being love interest!

This happened in the last episode too, but you see it here so much as well! Like literally every minute of Adrien’s screentime, and every time he talks is somehow connected to marinette! Literally his father is sending him away to a private school in London (which honestly at this point with what marinette did to him, take the chance and run baby) which is supposed to be his worst nightmare, and rather then think about his responsibility to Paris as Chat Noir or his friends that he will leave or his sense of autonomy, all he can think about is “I’ll be separated from marinette🥺”

HE LITERALLY SAID HE ISNT SURE OF ANYTHING ABOUT HIS LIFE OR WHO HE IS BUT ALL HE KNOWS IS THAT HES IN LOVE WITH THIS GIRL AND THATS THE ONE THINGS FOING IN HIS LIFE, LOOK AT WHAT THEYVE DONE TO MY BOYYYYYY!!!

And wasn’t perfect the very thing Adrien didn’t want to be perceived of that marinette constantly calls him? It’s giving putting someone on a pedestal and not seeing them for what they really are (the love square is literally high school sweethearts marrying tans divorcing in like 3 years)

Anyways, grieving Adrien’s personality aside, Chloe is demonized to the point of unrealistic, the one teacher who was actually being a decent teacher and not contributing to a system of corruption is now demonized out of nowhere too, Lila literally makes no sense (like that’s apparently not even her name? She goes by cerise in another school, and she has three moms WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS THIS SHOW ANYMORE), Chloe is mayor now for some fucking reason (this is illegal), and André gets dumb redemption arc out of nowhere.

Mentioned I’m in the previous episodes too, but André is not a good person and the show keeps pretending he is? Like girl, man is confirmed to do corrupt horrific politician stuff, has had the chance to help and actually raise his daughter for years, but chose to neglect her after her mother abandoned her, and now pretends to be a good parent to a child that’s not even his own to feel better about himself, AND YET IM SUPPOSED TO THINK HES SYMPATHETIC AND GOOD? FUCK THAT!

Also real quick, what the fuck is up with the mayor controlling the school? Like initially I was think the reason Chloe has leverage in the school is that her dad, through big donations, basically controls the school board and who gets to do what, but it seems he’s just? Using his mayor powers? Like girl that’s not how being mayor works, you can’t just fire anyone like that, this is a very bad lesson in politics

But yeah. Both episodes awful.

The only good things I can take from here is that there’s finally a canonical lesbian couple that wasn’t constantly queerbated (I love Julerose, and don’t like Zoenette, but they’re both constantly vague and easily censored) and Juleka got some screen time.

(Also Luka and Adrien are officially in the “being Marinette’s love square character assassinated me till the point I have no personality outside of it” club)

Also if you’re wondering why I didn’t mention anything about the fights? They’re dumb, last like five minutes and take a back sit just to tell you how awful Lila and Chloe are.

[kathyprior4200]

Miraculous Ladybug Hawkmoth Episode End Quotes

Season 1:

Origins: Hawk Moth: This is just the beginning, Ladybug. You and Cat Noir may have won this battle, but I will win the war. I will get your Miraculouses. I will get the absolute power! And then my secret dream will come true!

Stormy Weather: Hawk Moth: A storm is coming, Ladybug and Cat Noir! Someday your Miraculous will be mine and you’ll be frozen in your defeat!

Evillustrator: Hawk Moth: The only great illustration I’d like is one of me seizing their miraculous! They were almost mine! Once I have them in my grasp, she’ll come back to me!

Lady Wifi: Hawk Moth: Just like online, you can’t keep your identities secret forever! Your mask will fall, Ladybug, and then you’ll have no choice but to hand over your precious Miraculous!

Princess Fragrance: Hawk Moth: You may have defeated me again this time, but soon I will smell the sweet scent of victory when your Miraculous will be mine!

Dark Cupid: Hawk Moth: Grrr... blasted Ladybug! Blasted Valentine's Day! You don’t know how much I hate you!

Mr. Pigeon: Hawk Moth: Wretched pigeons, wretched Ladybug. I'll destroy every one of you!

Pixelator: Hawk Moth: (from his lair) Next time, I assure you it won't be a photo finish. I won't stop, Ladybug! I'll destroy you!

Copycat: You’ll be sorry you ever decided to keep your Miraculous from me! The cat will be out of the bag soon enough!

The Bubbler: Hawk Moth: You can't run forever Ladybug and when I catch you, I will crush you! I will DESTROY YOU BOTH!

Simon Says: Hawkmoth: Hawkmoth says…I will get both your miraculouses next time! Curse you Ladybug and Chat Noir!

Rogercop: Hawk Moth: You may have eluded me this time, Ladybug, but one of these days, my wish will come true and I’ll never have to deal with you both again!

Gamer: Hawk Moth: Such pitiful insolence! The moment you challenged me was the moment you sealed your fate! This battle is not yet over...

Animan: Hawk Moth: (groans) You ruined everything, Ladybug. This is not how it was supposed to end! But I promise you, one day it will be me at the top of the food chain! And you'll be nothing!

Darkblade: Hawk Moth: Our duel is not over, my dear Ladybug. At the end of our battle, I will rule!

The Pharoah: Hawk Moth: (from his lair) You might have gotten away this time, but I assure you, Ladybug, some day, wherever you are, I will have your Miraculous, and you'll be nothing! Nothing at all!

Timebreaker: Hawk Moth: You slipped by me this time, Ladybug and Cat Noir. But one day, past, present, or future... you will be destroyed! And I'll have your Miraculouses! I will be UNSTOPPABLE!! Mwahahaha!

Horrificator: Hawk Moth: (from his lair) You don't scare me, Ladybug. I know I'll destroy you in the end! Someday, somehow, I'll destroy you!

The Puppeteer: Hawk Moth: No! This cannot be happening! Just wait until I’m the one pulling the strings!

The Mime: Hawk Moth: The show's not over yet, Ladybug. You just wait. There's still a last act to come when you least expect it.

Guitar Villain: Hawk Moth: Dahhh! Don't do your victory dance just yet, because one day, I'll play you my favorite music: the anthem of your defeat, Ladybug and Cat Noir!

Refleckta: Hawk Moth: You might've pulled it off today Ladybug, but everything isn't always as it appears to be! Watch out Ladybug! I'll destroy you when you least expect it!

Antibug: Hawk Moth: I’ll make hundreds of opposite rivals until I can get your Miraculous, Ladybug!

Kung Food: Hawk Moth: (from his lair) This evil dinner was almost perfect. Revenge is a dish that's best served cold, so watch yourself, because I'll be ready to strike again!

Volpina: Hawk Moth: She's still angry. You're not done with Volpina yet, Ladybug. You haven't seen the last of her.

Season 2:

The Collector: Hawk Moth: Ladybug, Cat Noir — you almost managed to find out who I am; but now I am more above suspicion than I've ever been. As of today, nothing will prevent me from getting your Miraculous, and making my greatest wish come true! All I need to do now is wait for my next prey. (cackles deeply)

Prime Queen: Hawk Moth: Prime Queen turned out to be bad news. But soon, I'll be broadcasting the end of Ladybug and Cat Noir!

Glaciator: Hawk Moth: Ladybug, you've melted all my plans! But someday, I will triumph, and it will taste of such sweet revenge!

Despair Bear: Hawk Moth: Ladybug, if you haven't been helped, defeating you would have been child's play. So you better watch out. Your day of devastation is coming soon!

Troublemaker: Hawk Moth: You really are a troublemaker, Ladybug. But you won’t be prepared for the trouble I’ll bring to you after I defeat you and seize your Miraculous!

Gigantitan: Hawk Moth: Ladybug and Cat Noir, Gigantitan may not have been big enough for the job, but I promise my next villain will be more than you can handle!

Riposte: Hawkmoth: This duel is not over Ladybug and Chat Noir. You’ll taste the blade of defeat when I have your Miraculous!

Befana: Hawk Moth: Ladybug, Cat Noir... you've escaped punishment yet again! I won't sugarcoat the truth, and next time I will destroy you and have your Miraculous!

Frightingale: Hawkmoth: I swear that someday, Ladybug you will pay! You won’t be feeling fine, once your Miraculous is mine!

Gorizilla: Hawk Moth: One of these days I'll find out who Ladybug and Cat Noir really are. And when I do, I'll make them pay for eternity!

Robustus: Hawk Moth: (places his sword back into his cane scabbard as the window opens again, then falls to his knee to catch his breath) I may have made a mistake today, but believe me, Ladybug and Cat Noir, it won't happen again!

Sapotis: Hawk Moth: You and your friends have defeated me this time, Ladybug! But thanks to you, now I know there are other Miraculous in Paris! And most likely, a guardian!

The Dark Owl: Hawk Moth: Ladybug, Cat Noir, everyday I'm getting closer to destroying you both! And soon you'll be nothing more than superheroes in a history book!

Syren: Hawkmoth: Ladybug and Chat Noir, soon I will seize your Miraculous and lure you to the watery depths of your doom.

Zombizou: Hawk Moth: Ladybug... Cat Noir! If Zombizou is right...if love does always conquer...then someday, my most cherished wish will come true for sure!

Captain Hardrock: Hawk Moth: For the sake of Neptune! Captain Hardrock didn't manage to seize your Miraculous! But one of these days Ladybug and Cat Noir, your treasure will be mine! 

Frozer: Hawk Moth: You smashed through my plans like an icebreaker, Ladybug. But revenge is a dish best served cold.

Style Queen: Hawk Moth: Style Queen was my greatest masterpiece. How could she have failed? How could I have failed? What should I do now?

Queen Wasp: Hawkmoth: Un-bee-livable! I’ll show you how powerful I can bee, when I destroy you!

Reverser: Hawkmoth: Ladybug and Chat Noir, you’ll be the one going backwards while I take your Miraculous…the tables will turn on you!

Anansi: Hawk Moth: You're gaining more allies, Ladybug, but don't rush to rejoice. Soon you might just be outnumbered.

Malediktator: Hawkmoth: One day, Ladybug and Chat Noir, you will obey me, and I’ll have the absolute power within my grasp!

Sandboy: Gabriel: I hope you liked your friends' birthday gift, Nooroo. Now I know that they're close and that there are many of them. If I manage to find them, I'll take their Miraculous. Then I'll have unlimited powers at my disposal. If I have to fight a whole army of superheroes, I'll do it. Whatever it takes, Nooroo. And Ladybug and Cat Noir won't be able to stop me ever again. (evil laugh)

Catalyst: Scarlet Moth: Ladybug, Cat Noir, behold my powerful army and have no doubt that today belongs to Scarlet Moth!

Santa Claws:  Hawk Moth: Ladybug, Cat Noir. Go ahead and enjoy your Christmas this time, but we'll see who gets the best presents next Christmas.

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Season 3:

Chameleon: Hawk Moth: I sense a talent like no other in this young Lila. I'm sure that her feelings about Ladybug will serve my purposes well in the end. One way or another.

Animaestro: Gabriel: Ladybug, Cat Noir. Enjoy your apparent victory, because as in all the best tragedies, triumph always comes before failure.

Bakerix: Hawk Moth: (in his lair) One day or another, things will change, Ladybug, and front row seats to your downfall will sell like hotcakes! (laugh maniacally)

Backwarder: Hawk Moth: Don't believe for one second that you've won, Ladybug! I've acquired more information that will enable me to track the Guardian down. And even though no one in Paris goes by the name of Master Fu, I will find where he's hiding. Soon I'll be able to have him decipher the spellbook for me and maybe, who knows, even get my hands on every Miraculous known on Earth!

Reflekdoll: Hawk Moth: (clenching his fist) We failed yet again!

Weredad: I swear I’ll defeat you and feed you to the wolves, Ladybug and Chat Noir! This isn’t over!

Silencer: Hawk Moth: You broke the laws of silence, Ladybug. But I'm preparing an act of vengeance for you that will leave you speechless! 

Oni-Chan: Hawk Moth: I think I was mistaken. I shouldn’t chase that girl away. She could make a very good ally.

Miraculer: Hawk Moth: No, Mayura. We've set the stage for the future. Queen Bee will change her mind. I’ll be the one to take away their powers!

Oblivio: Hawk Moth: I won't soon forget this, Ladybug and Cat Noir. The love you both secretly have for each other will be your downfall.

Desperada: Hawk Moth: History repeats itself, Ladybug! But rest assured, one day I will be the one who rewrites it! 

Christmaster: Hawk Moth: You stole my Christmas presents, Ladybug. But my birthday's coming soon, and trust me, I'll make sure it's a day you'll never forget.

Startrain: Hawk Moth: I wish I could blast you off into space, Ladybug and Chat Noir, then I’d make my wish and rule the universe!

Kwamibuster: Hawk Moth: All his Kwamis, so many powers! If I can capture them first, I will form my own army of Miraculous wearing super villains, and defeat Ladybug and Cat Noir once and for all! I must find the guardian!

Feast: Gabriel: I have not digested my defeat, Ladybug. It's simply honed my appetite all the more. But now that I know what the guardian looks like, I intend to put that knowledge to use, and prepare a dish of revenge especially for you! And it shall be served very cold.

Gamer 2.0: Hawk Moth: Hawk Moth: No more games, Ladybug. I'll get my revenge. When I do, you won't even remember the meaning of the word fun! Soon it’ll be game over for you!

Stormy Weather 2.0: Hawk Moth: One of these days, I'll send you both into orbit, Ladybug and Cat Noir!

Ikari Gozen: Hawk Moth: Not even the power of the elements will stop me from defeating you, Ladybug and seizing your Miraculous!

Timetagger: Gabriel: If I'm not Hawk Moth in the future, then that means I failed. Your time will run out, Ladybug and Chat Noir. It’ll be Hawkmoth’s hour soon enough!

Party Crasher: Gabriel: Ladybug. Cat Noir. Soon your luck will run out, and one of these days, I'll be leading you in a dance. A dance of doom.

Puppeteer 2: Hawk Moth: Soon, I'm the one who will be pulling the strings, Ladybug, and that day will come sooner than you think!

Felix:

Ladybug:

Battle of the Miraculous

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Season 4:

Truth: Shadow Moth: Thanks to my new powers, truth is underway, Ladybug, and nothing will stop it!

Lies:  Shadow Moth: I’d be lying if I said I didn’t despise you right now, Ladybug. But to think you can stop me is the biggest lie of all!

Gang of Secrets:  Shadow Moth: That’s impossible!

Mr. Pigeon 72: Shadow Moth: Ladybug and Chat Noir, you may be free as birds now, but soon you’ll fall into my trap!

Psycomedian: Shadow Moth: Your continuous victories make me red with anger, Ladybug and Chat Noir! But you’ll only feel the greatest despair once I’ve defeated you at last!

Furious Fu: Shadow Moth: Be careful with your magic box, Guardian of the Miraculous. You wouldn't want to lose it again.

Sole Crusher: Shadow Moth: You may run fast, Ladybug, but I will have you at my feet one day. And then, I will crush you!

Queen Bananna: Shadow Moth: That's impossible! What's going on?!

Gabriel Agreste: Shadow Moth: (from Nathalie's bedroom) Collector, you have failed in the task of getting that boy to tell you his secret. So, now I give you the power to take it by force.

Mega Leech: Shadow Moth: Thanks to your allies, you stole my victory from me today, Ladybug. But I'm already marching towards the next battle. And this time, I'll be the victorious one.

Guiltrip: Shadow Moth: You may have won the day with your positivity this time, but you can count on me to fill the rest of your days with negativity, sooner than you know.

Crocoduel: Shadow Moth: Ladybug, you and your friends always manage to create harmony. But one day, someone will hit a wrong note, and then I'll be the one making music!

Optigami: Gabriel: We don't know our enemies well enough Nathalie. Alya Césaire seems to have a special status in the organization Ladybug has set up since she became guardian. It's time for us to take an interest in her.

Sentibubbler: Ladybug never makes a mistake!

Glaciator 2: Revenge is a dish best served cold, Ladybug, one day I’ll freeze you in your tracks and take your Miraculous once and for all!

Hack-San: Shadow Moth: You had beginner's luck, Scarabella. But I have experience, and I will triumph in the end!

Rocketear: Shadow Moth: Love and secrets don't mix, Ladybug, and I'm sure you have many secrets, too.

Wishmaker: Shadow Moth: I haven't unmasked you yet, Ladybug and Cat Noir. But the day will come when I, too, will find a way to make my dream come true! 

Simpleman: Shadow Moth: I will seize your jewels and make my wish. That is all.

Qilin: Shadow Moth: I will fix the injustice of losing who I most love…and those heroes will face their justice form me!

Dearest Family:  Gabriel: Emilie, my queen, Ladybug and Cat Noir escaped me again today, but I will never give up. I will get their Miraculous. Thanks to the all powerful forces of destruction and creation, I'll destroy this world that took you from us to build a new one, where we'll never be apart again. I will succeed, Emilie. Whatever the cost.

Ephemeral: Shadow Moth:  I will get a second chance against you, Ladybug and Cat Noir…and it won’t be wasted!

Kuro Neko: Shadow Moth: The cat’s out of the bag, Ladybug. I’ll have my claws on your Miraculous, then things will be purrfect.

Penalteam: Shadow Moth: Ladybug! I came as your opponent, I'll leave as you're your worst nightmare!

Risk: Shadow Moth: It's time you finally started taking some risks Ladybug!

Strikeback: Shadow Moth: Risk has been defeated, but Ladybug must have made a mistake of some kind, and I can't wait to see what it is. The battle is not over, Strikeback!

Monarch: People of Paris!! Ladybug had promised to protect you?! Well, she lied to you! Behold, her DEFEAT!! I took all the Miraculous from her! Now, I am more powerful than ever!!! From now on, I will be attacking you relentlessly! I will be everywhere, probing your thoughts, stealing your dreams, harnessing your deepest fears!!! Whatever damage I can cause, I will not stop! Unless, someone brings me Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous!!!

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Season 5:

Evolution: Ladybug!

Multiplication: My powers will multiply and soon you’ll be outnumbered, Ladybug!

Destruction: Gabriel: What do you think of the new Miraculous, my dear Kwamis?

Jubilation: Monarch: Ladybug, Cat Noir, you have escaped the maze of your desires, but soon, you will sink into the oblivion of mine!

Illusion: Gabriel: I used them to give false information to Ladybug and Cat Noir. They'll never make the connection between Monarch's powers and the Alliance.

Determination: Monarch: No amount of heroes will be able to defeat me, Ladybug! I am determined to watch you fall!

Passion: Monarch: I will hunt you down, Ladybug and Cat Noir…your miraculous will be my prize!

Reunion: Monarch: Face the truth, Ladybug and Cat Noir…I will get my wish and you will lose.

Elation: Gabriel: Ladybug, Cat Noir, the prospect of giving up your Miraculous to experience love left you cold! And yet, now I’ve discovered a burning secret: Cat Noir has feelings for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I don’t know to what extent, but they exist. And they’re a weakness that I intend to exploit, and put an end to Ladybug!

Transmission: Monarch: Sometimes change is good.

Deflagaration: Monarch: You can't win, Ladybug. It's just a matter of time... You won't always have someone to help you!

Perfection: No!

Migration: Monarch: You defeated me today, Ladybug. But your time is running out! Now that I know the young musician holds the secret to Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities, I'm not going to let him off the hook, and believe me, I will make him sing!!

Derision: Monarch: The greatest joke of all is you Ladybug and Cat Noir, and believe me, I’ll be laughing once I get your miraculous and destroy you!

Intuition: Monarch: I’ll take an infinite amount of chances just so I can finally defeat you, Ladybug and Cat Noir!

Protection: Gabriel: The worm is in the fruit. It's only a matter of time until their relationship becomes spoiled.

Adoration: You can’t hide from me, Ladybug and Cat Noir…I will find you and your Miraculous!

Emotion: Gabriel: The worm is in the fruit. It's only a matter of time until their relationship becomes spoiled.

Pretension: Gabriel: She really is an incredible young lady. Such passion, such determination. Enjoy your time with her, my son. These are precious moments, creating memories you will cherish deeply... when you're in London next year.

Revelation: Gabriel: Marinette Dupain-Cheng, it's always Marinette Dupain-Cheng! You will pay for this!

Lila: Your secrets are mine, and soon I'll have your Miraculous, Monarch.

Confrontation: Monarch: It can't be true! Defeated by a bunch of kids! With or without your Magical Charms, I'm not done with you yet!

Collusion: Monarch: The trap is set, Tsurugi-san. While we wait for Ladybug and Cat Noir to fall into it, the only thing that remains is for us to turn Chloé Bourgeois into a savior.

Revolution: Gabriel: ...we will launch "Operation: Perfect Alliance".

Representation: Monarch: It's time to put an end to the adventures of Ladybug and Cat Noir!

Conformation: Monarch: Hah... hah... Ladybug is still here, I can feel it! She must have transformed back! She's vulnerable! (to Tomoe) Make sure that the others keep looking for Cat Noir, I'm going to give a personal, proper welcome to Ladybug. After all, I am her host. But before I meet her, you, nice Kwamis, are going to give me the power to fight her and make me invulnerable!

Re-creation: Gabriel: Read my soul.

[red-black-aesthetic-bout]

Lightning round: Pokémon (creatures)

who do you want to see in the bracket more?

1. Litten

- its a kitty!!

2. Groudon

- Biiiiiig big big guy!!! King of the earth!! Has a perpetual blood feud with a huge fucking whale!!! It’s very strong and powerful and its very presence makes the sun so bright that it evaporates everything around it.

3. Zorua

- Just… a little fox guy… a little shit… a prankster shapeshifter… little friend… I love…

4. Darkrai

- darkrai is probably one of my favorite mythical Pokémon. Its mainly known power/ability is to make people have nightmares (potentially forever) but like… it’s not evil. It just traps people in sleep with dark nightmares out of self defense and because that’s just what it does. It’s not like mwahahaha I’m gonna stick you in a nightmare!!!! It’s just like AH FUCK it’s a GUY puts guy to sleep and y’know what? Mad respect for that.

5. Incineroar

6. Oricorio (baile style)

- Oricorio is a dancing bird that comes in four forms, each of which is so good at dancing that they can kill you with the raw power they exude. Baile style is my favorite form. I… like the bird. The bird is cool.

7. Scolipede

- Big red bug with a black belly. My friend <3

8. Shiny Charizard

- Main body black with red wings. Fucking sick!!

9. Weavile

mod notes: thank goodness I topped out at 9 nominations! I almost ran out of space and I could never choose between these little guys.

[ananke-xiii]

Father John who art not (in heaven).

I’m my previous post I’ve said that John isn’t treated by the narrative as a “real” character because he’s an archetype that must stay as such for the story to work. I’ve also compared John to a character that can be found in romances vs Sam and Dean to characters in novels.

I wanted to clarify a few things. The first is that considering a TV series as a continuous story, a book, if you will, that you can turn the pages of is not something new but it’s definitely a way more possible approach to TV storytelling than it was twenty or even ten years ago. Personally, I haven’t watched Supernatural while it aired but have watched it over a few months with some binge-watching moments. And I wasn’t even engaged with its fandom then and didn’t actually care about looking for extra info about the series. I just watched it as if I had picked up a random book from a bookshop shelf and had started reading it.

I’m saying all this because I’m aware that my statement is something that can only be said in retrospect because it’s not like the dozens and dozens of people working on the show for over a decade were like: we will never and must never make John a “real” character!!! mwahahaha *evil laugh*.

I'm also aware that writing for TV is also fundamentally different from writing for the publication of one’s own work. For instance, it’s quite clear that John as a character was limited by the availability of the actor who played him. Hence, a solid reason as to why, overall, John feels the way he does, aka frankly underdeveloped, is because of the actor’s contracts conflict with other shows. Or, perhaps, it was because it was John who was supposed to die in the pilot and his death was always something the show was more interested in than his actual characterization. Or maybe, maybe, it’s because Supernatural is a show that, originally, was way more invested in its atmospheres, its environments, the road, the rural American landscapes, the diners, bars and motels and their culture. Or, possibly, its because writers are just creatives, underpaid workers and ultimately just people so they cannot be crucified for what may or may not be mistakes (superficial characterization is not necessarily bad characterization) because they will inevitably happen (I'm so OVER the current obession for "the perfect", "the best" TV show. Give me solid storytelling and I'm good, this craziness over plot holes or mistakes is so boring). I think I could go on but I feel like I’ve made myself clear: the factual reasons behind certain choices in a TV series don’t depend solely on its creator(s) but most of the times they must be negotiated and sometimes those choices and their consequences span over years.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this stuff! I love knowing these details because I love spilling the T. But the reasons behind certain choices don’t negate the fact that (the majority of) these choices were made in the first place and were made with a certain degree of awareness (aka let's all please assume that people at least know how to do their job). And this is what I actually find interesting because this is what I got when I watched the show the way I just told you. Whether people like it or not, Supernatural (like basically loads of other TV series) is not Kripke era, is not about actors’ availability or writers' job security issues. Its current state is that of a finished story that you can pick up on your streaming device whenever and wherever you want. And as such I'm treating it.

The second thing is that I’ve compared John Winchester and his sons to, respectively, a romance and a novel for two main reasons:

The three of them are all characters of a series of books, of a TV show, of a theatrical piece, of God’s favourite more-or-less scripted reality television and, lastly, of the actual TV show we’ve watched thanks to the series’ last scene where the actors break characters to thank the audience and we see the whole behind-the-scene crew complete with cameras and microphones. The characters being “real vs fictional” is therefore a significant theme that I can’t ignore;

Since the dawn of what’s been called “The Golden Age of TV”, there have been people who have compared TV shows to novels. I vaguely remember a New York Times article from my university days where a journalist compared “quality TV” to the complexities of Henry James’ novels. Now this is funny because James himself had to write “The Art of Fiction” not only to argue for the legitimacy of the novel as a form of “Art” but also to defend it against the judging, moralistic gaze of the “Protestant communities”.

What does this have to do with John? Well, it’s a reminder that, as much as we love/hate them, these characters are fictional, meaning that they all serve a specific function that may or may not allow us to understand something about ourselves and/or the world we live in (or, worse, (un)intentionally indoctrinate us with targeted propaganda in order to make us see the world in a certain way). Which also means that judging these characters as if they’re real people will certainly make for an interesting debate but this debate will eventually say more about ourselves, the way we see the world and our lived, real experiences than about the “reality” and the “interpretative correctness” of those characters (conversely, it can be an interesting debate about what kind of message the usage of these characters seem to direct at us and/or how this message has changed through time).

Moreover, it’s a reminder that this kind of debate is not new and it’s not symptomatic of any media literacy crisis. Like, at all. Judging characters through moral lenses has been a constant since the “birth” of the novel in western cultures by virtue of this type of narrative fiction being closely associated with individualism, period/place-specific morals and general Christianity (among many other things). And if the TV shows are the new novels, well… it goes without saying that characters in TV shows could also undergo the same treatment. Some things have changed but, on some levels, we’re still living in the spirit of the XIXth century when it comes to works of fiction and our moralistic approach to them.

I feel like I had to write this whole huuuuugeeeee prologue because John Winchester is a character unquestionably connected to parental neglect and abuse and here I am saying that he might have been a “great” character. I don’t think I should state the obvious but, as per above, I also feel the need to say that I’m 100% not justifying his actions. I’m, however, trying to understand them, if it’s even possible. Because here’s my crux: when it comes to the motivations of John’s actions the show is either too vague or too excessive. Unsurprisingly, both approaches end up in the same way: John Winchester, as a character, is not real. For instance, Time for John means nothing in the show: 22 (TWENTY-TWO) years after the horrible events of November 2nd and he’s still mentally in that burning house in Lawrence, Kansas. Being in his late twenties is the same as being in his late forties. Having two small kids is the same as having two fully grown-up sons. John and his revenge are absolutely monolithic and unperturbed by the passing of Time. So, as I’ve said, this makes me think that his role in the story is to incarnate an archetype or, to be more precise, to embody an ideology: God, homeland, family.

One way to interpret Supernatural is to see it as an idea (two brothers on the road) conveying a specific ideal (disobedience, rebellion and freedom) against an ideology (the above mentioned “God, homeland, family”). So, of course, John Winchester must be a character we cannot empathize with and, therefore, cannot know too much about. The more “real” John gets, the less “ideological” he’d seem. I’ve actually argued that, as far as both themes and characterization are concerned, John is more God than God himself.

The primary reason as to why this is essential to the story is because SPN is John’s sons’ story, not his. And in his sons’ story they both have quite distinctive opinions and memories of him. As a consequence, when it comes to John as a character, not a symbol, Sam and Dean are not reliable narrators. This doesn’t invalidate the neglect and the abuse they both had to go through. It simply means that I cannot take them as my primary source if I want to understand John as a character. And I kinda want to since this is the Book of John.

The thing is that, when it comes to motivations, I don’t think we’re really given the tools to understand why John acts the way he does. The faults in his parental inadequacy are ascribed to his inconsolable grief as a widower and that’s it. On one hand, on the surface these seems like big motivations but, without more details, they end up feeling quite… empty or, rather, more mythical than believable. As a viewer I have to accept this at face value and never question it nor ask questions about it. On the other hand, Mary’s death not only made him aware that “evil” is real but that it was after them, it had specifically targeted them. And, I mean, sure the way he’s handled this “discovery” is questionable but also… he wasn’t… wrong? The story itself proved him right and I wonder what face he’d made if he got to live and find out that, actually, it was God himself who was obsessed with his sons.

So. John and God. Let’s talk about them.

There’s an autobiographical book that’s quite renowned in Italy (they even made a movie about it) that’s called “Padre Padrone”, translated into English as “Master Father” or “My Father My Master”. It’s the story of the author’s emancipation from his domineering father who forced him to work with/for him, live in isolation and stay analphabet until he was 20 years old. In the book/life of the author, the author/character is eventually able to get a degree in Glottology, leave his “fatherland” (interestingly via military service) and start living his own life/working on his own. Since this is the author’s story, we see the author’s father the same way as he saw him: a patriarchal, domineering, unfathomable character rather than a real person. We have zero insights into the father’s life, why he behaves the way he does, what motivates him. His abusive behavior is part of a sort of mythical, unperturbed, “ancient” tradition which we simply have to accept so that we can also taste the likewise mythical rebellion of the son. And this is okay because, much like SPN, the first step in the stories of sons and daughters must take into account the image they have of their parents rather than the parents as they were.

I think John Winchester as a character got the same treatment as the father in “Padre Padrone”. It’s also the reason why I don’t think John is an Absent Father, why I don’t think John is like God/Chuck and why I got interested in John as a character: if I stick to themes and motifs I’m definitely inclined to see the similitudes but if I analyze John and God as characters in the show I come to the conclusion that Chuck was telling Dean the truth when he told him not to confuse him with his dad. John and Chuck, as characters, are not the same even though they both represent aspects of the Father archetype.

More than an absent father John, much like Chuck, is for me a little too present in his sons’ lives. If they were in the “natural” world without the “super”, he’d be the single dad who has no choice but to leave his kids alone a lot because he has to go to work and because he has no support system. As far as the “he’s emotionally absent” argument goes, I actually think he’s worse than that. He knows that his kids have, obviously, needs, desires, feelings etc. and he walks all over them. He even admits that to Dean and, also, you know, the Adam of it all. He acts like a “dad” (not like a Father) with him so it’s not like he’s actually so closed off in his grief that he doesn’t see his sons. It’s not like he can’t but more like he doesn’t want to. He sees them and he imposes his will and his needs on them because “father knows best”.  

The way I see it, John is actually way too involved in his sons’ lives to the point that, to me, it almost feels like he treats them as captives. So, more than absent, John is a domineering, overly-present father/master. But John has two families and three sons: with Adam he was technically an absent father but that was because Kate Milligan didn’t want him in her and her son’s life. When Adam asked her to see his father she eventually agreed to it and John was partially and briefly in their lives. He tried to make the time spent with them count. He wanted to create memories with and for Adam. So, as far as Adam’s concerned, John is indeed an absent dad who later becomes a light, temporary presence in his life.

On the other hand, Chuck also has two families: the angels and the Winchesters (well, humanity in general but Sam and Dean in particular). Towards the first he’s indeed an absent father (or, rather, maker) because he does leave them. He doesn’t even need to be domineering with them because the angels are so enamored with the idea of him that they’d do anything for him. It’s his absence that actually starts spreading seeds of dissent and discontent among the angels because they feel deprived of their source of love. However, towards Sam and Dean, he’s a rather stable presence, perhaps just like John, a little too present because he also treats them as basically captives of his story. However, unlike John, he’s not actually present nor technically absent: he’s rather invisible. The other character who’s an actual absent father, albeit against his will, in the story is John’s father, Henry.

As we can see, John and Chuck are thematically similar because they represent the pervasiveness and systematic control of patriarchy over every aspect of the (super)natural world but, from a character perspective, they’re not the same.

The differences are even more striking if I analyze John-as-God and Chuck-as-God. Who between the two is a more faithful representation of the monotheistic God of Abrahamic religions? Who’s actually eternal, omnipotent, omniscient, transcendent and personal, sole creator of the universe? My answer would be John. In the end, John’s journal is forever while God’s power can be passed on/taken away. Chuck can be God and not-God while John cannot but be Sam and Dean’s father (and Mary's husband). As a character he’s presented as eternal (he doesn’t change through time), omnipotent (over his sons whose only power over him is to try and leave him) omniscient (father knows best), transcendent and personal (he’s there and not there “really” there at the same time), he’s the creator of the story’s universe because it all starts when he goes missing, not when Mary dies (although Mary's death is the beginning of Sam and Dean's story). On the surface, John seems inaccessible like an ascetic, a "pleasureless dullard", someone unable or unwilling to enjoy Life. Put a pin in these words because I'll come back to them later on in this series.

So, to me, while John is not a “real” character, he’s the “real” monotheistic God of the story. Chuck, on the other hand, is, as I’ve said, still part of the patriarchal structure but, as a character, he’s more like a Greek deity, a Zeus or maybe even Apollo. He’s very much concerned with his family but more in the “Leave me alone” sense than the “I need my family to be under my protection and sight” way of John. He goes as he pleases and he’s rather unhappy both with Heaven and earth so I can’t honestly say that he’s attached to a specific homeland. He interferes with humanity, apparently has sex with humans and enjoys earthly things. He likes to sing, play the guitar and he’s obsessed with writing his own story over and over again. He has favorites (not only Dean but Rowena and Crowley too, plus being “the favorite” is a whole thing among angels) and people he not-so secretly can’t stand (Castiel, Amara to some degrees).

He’s capricious, prone to anger and has dethroned his sister/equal/mother who wanted to consume him and locked her away in the Cage/Tartarus. He likes to play the roles of prophet and professional writer of genre fiction/comic books/autobiographical novels. In “Fanfiction” he’s not so subtly compared to Calliope, the Muse of epic poetry. As a matter of fact, he’s obsessed with epic as a genre. He likes Sam because he’s "Promethen" but he also wants him dead. The Bible is one of his books but he treats it more like a container of stories, “the classics”, that he can re-ash rather than the holy text of His Word. Talking about His Word, he edits, omits, cancels and asks for opinions (editors Metatron and Becky forever in my heart) and he’s generally dissatisfied with/ doubtful about his work as he can’t get the ending he wants. "Supernatural", his book series, is genre fiction elevated to the status of "Gospel". Everything about Chuck-as-God feels parodic and desecrating, from his pen-name, based on two of the show's actual writers, to his demise, since he literally gets demoted from God/Author to human/character.

But if John is like God but isn’t like Chuck/God… then… “who is like God?”. Which means: “Who is like John?”. Who incarnates the “God, homeland, family” ideology? Well, who but our one and only Michael (and his demonic counterpart Azazel), the other character in Supernatural who, much like John, is just… not “real” (and, apparently, can't ever be).

I’ll talk about John and Michael later on. Thank you for reading this far <3.

[airplanned]

Plot Summit Thoughts

There was a talk by Sacha Black about villains at Plot Summit conference.

It was pretty cool!  And it tied in with a lot of other things I’ve been thinking about.  I don’t write a lot of villains, but my current novel has one in the background.  I wasn’t sure how much I was going to get out of this, but it ended up giving some things to think about.

My notes and thoughts on things below.

1.

She starts off by saying that the villain is the most important character in the book, and then immediately said, “I say things like that because it sells books,” which endeared me to her.  Valid. Get it.

But her thought process is this: Story is about change.  The protagonist moves from being flawed to being less flawed or to being fulfilled.  A character doesn’t want to change (because people are resistant to change, and also if your character can just go, “Oh!  This is a flaw I have that’s keeping me from getting what I want.  Let me fix it,” and then does, there wouldn’t be much of a book, and it wouldn’t be believable). So a character has to be forced out of their status quo in order to change.  This is from some source of conflict, which is (drum roll) the villain.  The villain is there to put obstacles in the hero’s way.

So without a villain there is no conflict.  (And she did a good job covering her bases here, because here she started using “villain” as an umbrella term that can also include “antagonist” and even “internal struggle.”  So even if you’re writing a story without a mustache twirling bad guy, these thoughts still apply on a certain level.)

This means that if your villain has no motive, your hero doesn’t really have a motive either.  And example that came to mind was everyone on Captain Planet.  They were all like “I’m going to pour toxic sludge in the lake, because I’m evil!  Mwahahaha!”  And even as a kid, I was like…That makes no sense.  And because the bad guys are just doing things, the good guys are just doing things too.  “Ope! Looks like we gotta go clean up a lake!”

 2.

You don’t have the page count to give your side characters as much depth as the POV character.  There’s just no way they can be as fleshed out as someone who’s head you’re in for 300 pages.  But you can create the illusion of depth by giving them a “why.”  1. Why are they in the story in relation to the protagonist (to block them, to push them, to help them)? 2. What is their reason for existing outside the protagonist?

The villain also need a reason why.  Like, there’s this episode of Star Trek where there’s this ship that’s using aliens for fuel. Because they’re evil?  Well, no, because they’re lost in space and want to get home. They miss their loved ones and they’re all alone out here.  This fuel will get them home.  They’re still absolutely wrong.  They might not be redeemable.  But we understand where they’re coming from, and for that reason they’re a stronger villain, and that means our protagonist needs to be stronger or more clever than them to defeat them.  If the Star Trek episode was “These guys are using aliens for fuel!  Hey, that’s bad!  Don’t do that, bad guys!” that would be a pretty forgettable episode. But since it’s that they desperately want to get home, suddenly there’s a little bit of a moral dilemma, and our protagonist (who has the same want to get home) can see themselves in the bad guy’s shoes.  Suddenly the fact that our protagonist didn’t do whatever was necessary to get home seems like a much better thing.

3.

So there’s this plot structure that I find really interesting with the idea that in the first half of the book, characters behave consistently, and they are mostly passive. The plot *does stuff to them.* They are victims of the plot, which pulls or pushes them through the first half of the book.  That’s not to say that they’re sitting there being dragged around like a sack of potatoes, but it means their actions are reactive rather than proactive.  But this changes at the midpoint.  (so in Mulan, the midpoint is during the Make a Man out of You song where she climbs to pole to get the arrow.  Up until that point she’s reacting to what life has thrown at her. She made decisions, yes, like she decided to run away and take her father’s place.  But when she climbs the pole, she’s making a decision not really fueled by the plot pushing her.  She decides to fight smarter instead of stronger.  She takes control of the story instead of letting it push her along the way it wants to with Shang sending her home.  This decision and success signals a change of fortune and the rest of the movie has her being proactive.)

So it’s interesting to think about this fairly common structural framework with regards to the villain.  In the first half, the villain is moving the plot, dragging the protagonist through, and the protagonist is responding.  Then at the midpoint, the protagonist starts getting proactive.  (We can see this in It’s a Wonderful Life, where the midpoint is evil Mr. Potter offering George a job (everything he ever wanted!) and George turning it down.)

[abraxos-and-ataraxia]

Here me out: Defense against the dark arts Professor curse remains in place and Rhys is asked to leave because the headmaster found out what he and Feyre were doing during their private tutoring lessons

Disclaimer: I don’t support teacher-student relationships

But I love the concept because it’s like the hogwarts version of “Rhysand is an evil high lord and you can’t talk to him feyre” like hello taboo 👀 and I like the curse mwahahaha

I’m probably too in love with this AU

[randomidiocyncrazies]

gwitch ep 3

lmao what the FUCK is going on anymore

the writing for this ep is really. hm. decent concept, questionable execution? they’re too blatant when they should’ve been subtle, and i personally found one of there character’s characterization a little... inconsistent, both from their established background and just their behavior within the episode itself.

i’m willing to see more of it but like. hm. i’m less confident in the writing after this ep

I personally found the climax of Guel’s arc in this ep kind of... confusing? he’s obviously upset that his dad doesn’t trust him enough to let him fight without resorting to underhanded tricks, and the resignation of “you don’t even need my will, do you” was a really poignant character moment...

But like. maybe i’m just being nitpicky, but his previous behavior suggests that he’s cool with using his family’s influence to throw his weight around; hell, the writing makes it soooo blatant that their world and values run on “screw the rules i have money.” I get that piloting is his pride and joy and he’ll care more about using his own skills to win, but he he didn’t seem all that upset about the sprinkler sabotage... making his rebellion against his dad feel hollow.

i mean... i really liked the character beat of him being resigned to having the AI pilot for him, and his “you don’t even need my will” is so sad and bitter (and perfectly illustrates the themes of the narrative). from that, we can extrapolate that Guel and his family are perhaps resigned to obeying his father’s will—he’d have been raised to believe that obeying the will of the strong, reluctantly or otherwise, is the only possible outcome. As such, his rebellion in the middle of the match feels like clumsy writing; it felt like he had that specific reaction at that specific moment because the plot demanded it. i think it flattened a potentially more subtle character arc into “rarrrgh hell yeah rebellion now! stick it to the man!” and comes off as rushed development.

(also, the proposal at the end is very. uh okay that happened i guess. i feel like they’re going for a “arrogant jerk but surprisingly pure in romance” angle for him, and i’m wary of it lol. i don’t think Suletta/Guel is really a serious option, except if Guel performs a sacrifice to save her or whatever, but the whole thing feels like they’re trying to absolve Guel for his beastly behavior towards Miorine? i’m just not a fan of “jerk falls for a girl who made him eat humble pie” stories; a lot of those stories try to brush the jerk’s wrongdoing under the carpet in light of their flustered ladykiller-in-love shenanigans, and I’m kinda tired of that.

also:

knowing Guel will be pining over Suletta is gonna get real annoying real fast, not to mention the unknown factor of Elan. it also doesn’t exactly inspire confidence that the creators aren’t queerbaiting, though i still have faith that it’s not just bait.)

on another note, i get that all the blatantly evil adults are very blatantly evil, but it’s annoying to have the same over-the-top “mwahahaha children are just tools of their parents!” conversation multiple times. it doesn’t help that the dialogue is a kinda cringeworthy, especially having come off of Delling “I am a King; I Give the Orders, You Obey” Rembran last week. we get it, these parents are evil.

also, the way everyone was like “teehee it doesn’t matter if Jeturk cheated, the only thing that matters is their sponsor” was also kind clumsy in terms of its execution? bro we get it, we know capitalism is bad. just have Elan say the thing about how the strength of the backer counts towards the pilot’s strength (and have other characters share little smirks or whatever at appropriate moments). it’s disappointing that they virtually repeat the same dialogue at least 3 times across the episode.

honestly, it’s like the writers are scared that the audience wouldn’t pick up on the central themes of the work without having characters SCREAMING in our faces about it; i personally am not a fan of this style of writing and prefer a lighter touch, but part of it is personal taste.

the only thing revealed/reinforced in this ep is that the setting of Gwitch is blatantly sexist. They specifically mention trading women in duels, and obviously Miorine’s situation is steeped in sexism—and unless we get in-universe evidence that people also set up their sons to be won as a prize, it’s safe to say Delling only did that to Miorine because she’s his daughter, not his son.

In a way i think it fleshes out the worldbuilding a bit more: same-sex marriages are apparently common enough that it’s no big deal (though we have no idea if it’s an overall thing, or if such progressiveness only applies to political matches), but it sucks for women and poor people.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Oh those drawings are lovely. And yes of course I know Sigyn. I make sure to try and keep her in my thoughts as well

If I don’t specifically follow her I make sure she is respected all the same

Thank you so much for all this info! It’s really helping me a lot! It’s rather isolating being a Pagan in Indiana already, let alone a Lokean where he’s been Villian wash so badly like sir. Sir 😭

It’s helping me feel a lot better in general

It’s really hard to worship him the way I want to, but I’ve done some werid ways to practice 🤪

There’s a game called Marvel Rival’s where you can as marvel characters. One being Loki. And like what’s a better way to worship then playing as your god and winning battles?

Just like Loki, I know how to get creative 🤭

Untraditional ways of worship, sure, but I know she admires the creativity to still find a way

Thank you for the support 🫂 really! It’s so isolating being in a ‘evil’ religion. A close friend of mine also has a religion that’s seen as ‘evil’ and it’s just “people. Have two brain cells pls”

Truly means a lot 🫂 Imma draw some Lokean art because I’ve been inspired. Infect the marvel tag with accurate Loki mwahahaha/silly 🤪

Thank you again so much!!!! You are just wonderful! Thank you!

I’ve genuinely felt a lot better just reading your replies alone. Just this support and comfort

It can be scary transitioning religions. Like I’m a person who believes like “all religions exist” but just a case of “this is my path-“ ya know?

Like I said. It’s Indiana and my mom is as die hard of a Christian insanity as it gets

So you can’t help but feel like you are “doing wrong” but I know I’m not

Loki chose me and that’s a conversation with me and them

That’s all that matters

And it’s comforting to know that other people see it to 🫂

Thank you

I can’t wait to clean up my alter and make it more proper

If you haven’t noticed on my tumblr I’ve always been drawn to mischievous red heads

So my Loki alter is also a accidental Weasley shrine 🤭 mostly George Weasley

I bet Loki finds it comical that I’ve always found my way back to her. One way or another 🤭

It’s nice to just. Talk about my religion and have it properly responded back and treated with respect

Just thank you 🫂

Burdens of being a Lokean

Vent post ignore me bleh

And a reach out to fellow Norse Pagans for advice

Ugh. It’s hard to practice being Pagan sometimes. Especially of the Norse variety. And most definitely especially as Lokean. Any means to get materials to practice is full of marvel content. So saturated it makes it near impossible to find what I need

Don’t get me started on how unserious people like us who practice things like Norse Paganism are treated. People treat those who practice Greek paganism more serious than us. Don’t lie, you’ve seen it

And the people who only consume marvel Norse content that try and correct you on your own religion

I just wanted to practice my beliefs in peace. I want to be able to get materials from reliable sources that have their best interest in me. Not AI money grabs. Not people selling “love spells” or just bullshit people who want easy money by taking advantage of people’s beliefs

Is there any advice on how to get reliable sellers and resources for my craft? I want to practice my belief but there’s just so little I can do. I’m a Hoosier and well. Indiana is famous for the KKK after all

Any reliable sellers? People? Just. People who take being a Lokean serious? And don’t call us devil worshippers? And just insult Mother Loki every chance they get?

I’ll never forget that time I was at a cosplay convention and the topic of religion brought up and I was told to “never trust Loki. Protect yourself. He is a liar and promises you pain and suffering-“ and just went on a rant about how wrong I was

I chose Loki because he chose me dammit!

Everyone follows their own path in life. From you believing in a god to people who don’t at all. You are deserving to practice what you feel. It’s YOUR laugh. YOUR path. Everyone has a path

Just please. Help? I want to make a proper alter and practice my beliefs

I get chaos comes with the job, but sir the winds turn eventually 😭

Sincerely yours, a baby witch that’s suffering