#Banana Meter

[fleeglefazbeagle]

Prepare to get booped!>:3

[localanimequeerio-17]

omfg

aot last episode and aot as a whole is an infinity/10. so sad yet so beautiful and even philosophical so to speak.

[obstinaterixatrix]

my memory’s pretty spotty but surprisingly I remember a fair amount of lyrics from a song I haven’t listened to since… at minimum 7 years

[deathandthesoul]

Pls send asks I need human contact

[ohnojoeyjo]

Boopnana

[prongsx]

Favors in exchange for kisses

warnings: kisses, English its not my first language, small mention of blood. f!reader

1,5 K words

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You don't know exactly how you got into this situation with Jason. But you're not complaining.

It started months ago, when your long-time friend Dick Grayson heard you complaining about not having a place to live and mentioned that he knew someone you could trust to share an apartment with, with his brother, Jason Todd.

You were hesitant to accept, after all, you didn't know Jason Todd, but this was Gotham, and finding someone you could trust to share an apartment with was almost impossible. And it would only be for a while.So you went to live with Dick Grayson's brother.

Jason was kind of quiet, mysterious, and his blue eyes left you a little confused and breathless. It took you a while to be able to have meaningful conversations with him, it was hard to learn more about him, but little by little you won a small space in his life.You discovered his favorite books, learned his schedule, understood how sometimes he didn't want to talk, other times he was more open, and you learned to appreciate those moments when you both talked, laughed and smiled softly.

Then came the biggest problem.

Jason was too helpful.

You simply didn't know how to deal with someone who did so many acts of service. When he found out that banana pancakes were your favorite, he woke up early and cooked them. When you complained about that wood that was making noise in the living room, he fixed it immediately. Even when carrying your bag down the street, he would magically appear and hold it. Your coffee was always with those three drops of milk, just the way you liked it.

And when you tried to reciprocate, he seemed almost offended. Like the time you made a big meal, he was offended, you seemed tired from the effort and he didn't like that. Even when you cleaned his things he seemed irritated, you weren't supposed to do things for him.

After months of looking for ways to thank him for his helpfulness, you discovered it in an unusual way. Your room wasn't fully furnished, even months after moving in you were still buying furniture and needing to assemble it. Jason dismissed all the delivery people from the store and said he would assemble it himself, using the excuse that he didn't like strangers in his space.

"You spoil me," you joked with him, sitting on the floor as you watched Jason working on your new vanity. It wasn't a bad sight, Jason's large hands proving skillful and efficient, his t-shirt revealing his biceps that made you a little dizzy.

"I find doing manual labor relaxing." He replied, glancing at you and smiling slightly. You hummed in response, resting your chin on your knees and admiring Jason. You wanted so badly to find something to thank him for, something to show him that you were grateful for him.

When he finally finished the job, he stood up and held out his hand to help you. After gaining momentum, your hands instinctively went to his arm and gave it a squeeze.

"Thank you so much, Jay."

He was silent, you were silent. It seemed too intimate a touch, you were nervous, afraid he wouldn't like it, that he would ask you to never touch him again, which would be a shame because your hands could feel the heat of his skin. Then he smiled. He smiled, a dimple in his cheek.

"Nothing, princess."

After that, the touches became more frequent. Every time he did something adorable, you would touch his arms or his hand. Like the time he carried all your college books for meters and you held his hand in thanks (you stayed like that for longer than usual).

Another big step was when you arrived tired, from a horrible day, and you found Jason smiling shyly at you, the apartment smelling of your favorite food. As you washed dishes side by side, your hips touching, you lifted your feet and kissed his cheek, whispering a thank you. His reaction was adorable, his neck slightly red, his eyes blinking at you in a silly way that made you smile back.

So you continued, becoming a little bolder every time he did something to please you. It seemed impossible now to go back to the time when you didn't touch him, and you could swear he liked it. There were times when you could almost feel him sigh when your kiss on his cheek went all the way to his jaw.

When he came back from patrol, bruised and bleeding, he wouldn't let you help him. He would never dirty your soft hands with his blood. But he enjoyed it when you sat next to him, stroking his hair and talking to him in that calm tone, trying to make him relax with more pleasant conversations. A routine was established.

Jason was a little quiet sometimes. At first you thought he was grumpy and moody, but you soon discovered that he was just someone with poor social skills, and you managed to establish a way to show that you cared about each other.

"Hum, I stopped by the pharmacy, but your order had already been picked up." You jumped, startled by Jason's sudden arrival. For such a big guy, he had an impressive ability to be silent. Damn Batman training.

"Jay, hi." You greeted, as you leaned on the kitchen counter, casually scrolling through your phone. "Dick got it for me, he was just passing by."

He fell silent, making you look up from your phone to look at him. Jason's eyebrows were furrowed, his lips forming a frown.

"Why?" You blinked slowly.

"Why what?"

"Why Dick got it for you. I was going to get it for you." He looked almost... annoyed, frustrated that he hadn't gotten the product for you.

You blinked slowly again, tilting your head.

"He...was closer. I didn't mean to bother you."

He let out a huff, looking annoyed, like when a dog sees his owner reading a newspaper another dog brought.

"Jay?" You called out to him, almost shivering when his blue orbs stared at you.

"I'm the one who does your things. Why is that idiot Dick getting involved?"

"I don't want you to feel like you're my employee, that's all."

He huffed again, looking indignant. Another problem with Jason Todd: he didn't say what he was feeling, it was like trying to win the lottery with blurry numbers. Then he approached you, his posture looking like he was preparing to interrogate a criminal, his hands resting on the counter.

"Did you kiss him?"It certainly wasn't what you expected to hear. Your mouth fell open, your eyes wide.

"What?"

It was the only intelligent thing your lips formed.Jason still had that indignant look on his face, his blue eyes half-closed. He was too close and you felt a little cornered, the kitchen seemed small, the air harder to breathe. You stared back at him.

"Why do you think I kissed Dick?" You repeated, still that confused expression. You would be offended if your brain was working perfectly.

"You kiss me when I do favors for you!" He murmurs.

Oh. That was it.

You let out a breath, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing.

"Jason. Do you think I kiss the mailman every time he brings letters?"

"God, I hope not."

You both stay silent, your hands going to the hem of his shirt, unable to control yourself, squeezing it between your fingers, the weight of the unspoken words.

"Jay. You know...you don't have to do me favors to receive my affection, right?" You whispered, your eyes roaming all over his face, his beautiful features, his slightly crooked nose, his lips that looked so kissable.

"But I like it. I like taking care of you. Fuck, I want to take care of you always."

He himself seemed shocked by the intensity of the words, his eyes widening, his heart beating out of control, just like yours.

"Jay." You let out a breath, your hands rising to his face, caressing his cheekbones. You shivered when his hands held your hips, keeping you firmly against the counter. You didn't know what it would be like to kiss Jason, of course, you had already thought about it a lot, more than was healthy.

And when you finally pulled his face to you, pressing your lips, slightly chapped but still soft, against his. You dominated the kiss for a few seconds, being gentle as you held his face, but then something seemed to snap in Jason, he held you with impressive ease, pressing your hips against the counter and thrusting his tongue into your mouth, swallowing your soft moan. His hands were all over your body, hungry, as if he couldn't lose you.

"Only I can take care of you," he growled against your lips, his breathing heavy.

"Yes. yes," you said, caught in the haze of Jason's kisses, your eyes almost closing again.

"Good," he whispered, before kissing you again, fiercely, his hands gripping the back of your neck.

You were fine with this deal of favors in exchange for kisses.

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Inspired by a post I saw about Jason's love languages headcanon. Jaybean is just a guy who doesn't know how to show love in a normal way!!! But we love him anyway. I hope you liked it! I'm very happy to start posting things here, slowly gaining courage.

[pseudowho]

My next Smutfic...

...I'm going to use all Tier 5 to 6 synonyms for a penis, and see if it's still sexy.

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Kento lifted you against the wall, his thigh between your legs as you squeaked in alarm, pleasure pooling deep in your belly. His schlong dongadoodle was now so apparent, rock solid against his thigh.

"Tell me," he rumbled, low and mesmerising against your throat, "do you want my custard launcher in your pussy...or your mouth?"

"In-- in my mouth--" you choked out, "I want your purple-helmeted warrior of love in my mouth, Kento."

Forcing you to your knees, your mouth watered at the sight of Kento's tan banana against your lips-- and Kento gave you exactly what you had asked for.

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"Ah--shit--" Ino groaned, gripping you by the fat of your hips as you sunk down onto his beaver basher.

You shook and mewled, his heat-seeking moisture missile stretching your plush, velvet walls so nicely. You had always loved how his mayo-shooting hotdog gun felt as it kissed your cervix, so deep, so sweet as Ino plaited his fingers behind your neck and pulled you in, his kiss breath-stealing and honest.

"Only for you," Ino whimpered as you rocked your hips on his Little Ino, "this steamin' semen truck is only for you."

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"Take it-- take it-- hnnnng--" Higuruma's seed shot deep into your pussy, his meter long king kong dong pulsing as he moaned, his thighs flush against your arse.

You moved to pull away, exhausted and shaking; Hiromi gripped your thighs, holding you in place, his yoghurt shotgun still hard inside you; "Don't move," he croaked, voice breaking from the strength of his orgasm, "my baloney pony stays until I'm finished with you."

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"Come on pretty girl-- I know my single barrelled pump-action bollock's the biggest you've ever had, but-- haah-- don't cry."

Gojo folded your thighs hard against your chest as you cried with pleasure and pain, his beef whistle pounding into you at a relentless pace. Tears streamed into your hair as you begged.

"Satoru-- your thundersword-- please--"

Gojo pulled out, his spawn hammer dripping precum as he stroked it, flipping you onto your belly before slamming back into you so powerfully that you squealed.

"Thought we were done? Plenty more left in this whoopie stick yet, sweetheart."

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Inumaki's breath trembled with anticipation; there you were, eyes full of tears, pink lips parted just for him, and he couldn't deny himself from leaning down and kissing you sweetly, his lips usually so forbidden, and now electric against yours. You kissed him back, leaving him breathless, pulling away with a gasp.

"Wing wang doodle," he murmured, his breath fanning warmly over your mouth. Your eyes pricked with tears, wishing you could communicate in more than just penis synonyms.

Inumaki's thumb brushed softly over your eyes, his meeting yours in silent understanding; "Piss weasel," he reassured softly. You nodded, nose against his as you gave him a watery smile.

"Baby arm. Flesh flute," he whispered against your lips; with those words, you knew you were done for, finally caving to stay the night as he pressed you gently back onto his bed.

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I write because they understandably won't let me out of the house anymore.

[c0eu4]

OP81 | Hard work ☁︎

Summary: After the biggest exam of her entire life, y/n found Oscar in front of her university, waiting for her.

Warning: fluff, anxious reader?

A/N: Just had some inspiration for that after one exam I had and totally fucked up it lol

MASTERLIST requests are open

Her hand hurts, she can't write anymore. Her copies filled with blue pen in front of her, she read it again one last time until the time limit rings.

A weight immediately lifts from her shoulders. She knows she succeeded. She didn't spend nights and days behind her computer, scribbling things on her notepad and repeating her lessons to Oscar for nothing.

She untied her hair down, puts her pens in her pencil case and puts it in her bag. She puts her coat on her back and grabs her copies. She puts her bag on her back, places her copies in the storage area and heads towards the exit of the building.

She closes her coat as she walks, putting on her mittens and shoving her hands in her pockets.

The cold of winter is felt. She pulls up her coat to hide her chin and leaves the building. Her cheeks and nose quickly turn red from the cold as she walks towards the gate.

Once on the other side of it, she walks towards the street which leads to the metro, to return home.

Her friends suggested that they spend time together in their usual little café but she preferred to refuse, knowing that she would be too tired after her exam.

She continues walking a few meters before seeing her boyfriend, leaning against his car, a coffee in his hand and looking at her, a big smile on his face.

She smiles when she sees him and walks more quickly towards him. She takes refuge directly in his arms, on the verge of crying. After all the stress she has accumulated, all the work she has done, she has every right to take a break. He hugged her tightly, warping his warm arms around her waist.

''I'm so proud of you my love.'' She can't help but blush a little more when she hears his compliment, his australian accent still makes her fall in love even more.

She separates from him, taking the coffee that he offers her.

''Don't burn yourself.'' She nodded quickly and took a sip of the warm liquids.

''Thank you baby.'' He kissed her forehead and opened the passenger door for her.

She sits there and Oscar sits next to her, behind the wheel. He starts the engine and drives them to their shared flat.

Throughout the trip, she talks to him about his exam. Passing by the two hundred and thirty three bananas that a man bought in a problem to triangular figures mixing the theorem of Pythagoras and Thales.

He listens to her, without interrupting her, taking advantage of her voice that he hasn't heard all day.

Once home, she continues talking about her exam. She speaks faster and faster and spreads the subject even more. And Oscar feels that it makes her stressed to talk about it.

So he cuts her off, ''Y/n, don't you want to stop talking about that ? You always speak fast when you're stressed.''

She sighed. Not in a disappointing way, but more because she knows that he's right.

''Yeah sorry if I bother you with that.'' She simply says, taking off her shoes and coat.

''You never bother me love. I just said that for you to relax.'' He takes a hanger to hang his and her coat.

They both walk towards the kitchen, she is already taking the milk out of the fridge and him rummaging on the shelf to get two cups.

It's a little ritual that they both have. Every time, when one or the other is stressed, they prepare hot chocolates. Because it's not a secret that Oscar loves chocolate and it's not a secret that y/n loves the feelings of hot liquids.

He puts the cups full of milk in the microwave and takes out the cocoa. She rummages through a shelf and pulls out some little chocolate marshmallow teddy bears.

Once the milk is hot, Oscar adds the cocoa to the two cups and a few teddy bears to his cup.

''I will never be able to understand how you drink your chocolate with teddy bears.'' She always hated putting teddy bears in her chocolate. Not that she doesn't like marshmallows, but she hates anything that's hard and gets mushy (Without a second thought).

''You don't know what you're missing.'' She puts a few bears in her mouth and eats them.

''Na you, you don't know what you're doing.'' He giggles and steals a few bears from her hands to eat it.

''Hey! I'm going to tell Mark what you're doing !''

He kisses her cheeks, putting one of his hands in her lower back, heading her towards the couch. They sit in, they cups of hot chocolate in hand, a warm blanket on them.

She is looking for a new series to watch on Netflix, Oscar eating his teddy bear with his spoon.

When she finally finds something good to watch, she takes a sip of her chocolate and gets a little closer to Oscar.

They end the day like that, in front of their series, cuddling each other.

[mochinomnoms]

Floyd and Yuu at the beach enjoying a nice sweet treat and a sea gull tries to steal Yuu’s ice cream, but Floyd grabs it by the neck and says “not today”

Random ass fuck yeah but he would 100% not let a seagull or pelican even try. Florida man vibes with him

The seagull came out of nowhere, you think it was perched on the armada you two were sitting under, waiting for you to look away so it would swipe your ice cream cone right from your hands.

And it did, swooping down to snatch the top of your treat with its large beak and fly off. You're sure that was the plan, until a large hand reached out, reacting before you even processes what was happening.

Floyd wrapped his fingers around the seagull's neck, a soft, strained 'honk' leaving its throat as he squeezed.

“Annoyin' ass, get outta here!” Floyd grumbled as he wound up his arm and launched the seagull across the beach like a pitcher with his baseball.

You think you hear him say 'yeet', but were mostly distracted by the distancing shriek of the poor bird as it splashed into the water a few meters away. You'd be impressed, but your ice cream was still in its mouth when Floyd threw it.

“Aw Floyd, it still had my ice cream…” you clicked your tongue, a bit disappointed. You made a noise of surprise as his right arm, the one holding his ice cream sundae, wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you into his side.

“Aww, that's okay~ You can have some of mine!” Floyd's left hand was holding his spoon as he reached over to get a scoop.

You perked up, watching him bring the scoop to your lips, as you closed your eyes and opened your mouth, waiting for the sweet treat to hit your taste buds.

You choose to ignore Floyd's little hum and giggle as he fed you. It was a nice flavor, though you weren't sure how Floyd could handle all of the various textures from the numerous toppings he put on.

“Mmh, it's good!”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Floyd hummed, sticking the spoon into the top of his sundae, and reaching over to squeeze your cheeks.

“An' now, you owe me for eating some of my ice cream!” Floyd cackled at the glare you gave him.

“You offered!” you retaliated, your words slurring as he squished your cheeks further.

“And you too it. Now what should I take as payment?” Floyd hemmed and hawed, tapping a finger against your cheek as he pretended to think.

“How 'bout a kiss from my little mate? Huh? Come on~ Pucker up!”

Floyd made kissy noises as he waited for you to give him the go ahead, the sounds getting louder and more dramatic, almost comical.

“Oh my god, come here you big dummy!” You laughed, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and bringing him down to share a kiss.

You could feel his lips turn up against yours, and taste the sweet banana flavored ice cream against his tongue.

“Hmm…I think I like how the ice cream taste better on you~” Floyd purred, reaching over to grab another scoop and press it to your lips. “Come on, take another bite and gimme another kiss! They're extra sweet from you~”

You snorted and rolled your eyes, though you were still smiling.

“You're cheesy.”

“And you love it.”

“Hmm, only cause I love you~”

[bootleg-nessie]

Predatory Bananas: an Evolutionary Horror

(Pls read, I literally spent HOURS on this <3)

A friend sent me the following video about the various potential methods of banana locomotion. It got me thinking. How would a banana move? Naturally, as an autist with a special interest in evolutionary biology, I took the joke a little too far and wrote a whole piece on the matter, analyzing the feasibility of each method and the changes they’d need to evolve in order to achieve them.

(Video courtesy of Burning Onion Animation on TikTok, they make great content, go check them out)

The first and most likely way bananas would move is if banana trees evolved to spread their seeds through their fruits rolling down hills like the morphology of #1 suggests. The only major mutations that need to happen are a more pronounced curve and increased rigidity to facilitate rolling and absorb the impact from falling from the tree. Overall, evolving to this point is relatively straightforward. #1 is the most feasible and realistic answer.

For bananas to develop motility like in #4 is theoretically possible with the right environmental pressures and with enough time, though much more difficult. I see this working in one of two ways. First, they could evolve rigid structures that change shape depending on moisture content, using natural dry/wet cycles to move a little more each time it rains, much like the seeds of Erodium Cicutarium (pictured below). The fruits of the banana tree would most likely evolve to have hooks on the end of said structures, contracting and pulling themselves forward a little each time they dry out, and relaxing and resetting their grip on the soil each time they get wet.

The second way I could see this happening is if they evolved true locomotion. True locomotion in bananas would take at least a few million years to evolve (probably more like tens of millions), and even then, movement would be incredibly slow. There exists a plant called the “walking palm” (socratea exorrhiza, pictured below) that’s capable of “walking” using its roots, but it can only travel about 20 meters per year in ideal conditions, and has the resources of the entire tree at its disposal, not just that of a single fruit.

While this is the more likely explanation as to how #4 might happen, it’s not what the video depicts. The video clearly shows a banana dragging itself along like an inchworm, indicating motor cells such as those present in Dionaea Muscipula (venus flytrap, pictured below). Whenever this type of movement in plants occurs, it takes an extreme amount of energy and is generally rather inefficient and slow. In addition to this, the banana is moving its entire mass every time, so it’ll have to move much more slowly to compensate. This means that the banana would probably only be able to travel a few centimeters before decomposing beyond the point of functionality. After a few million more years it’s possible that bananas could evolve to travel as far as several meters after falling off the tree, but the further they go, the more fit each individual fruit needs to be, and the more energy and resources they need. Eventually, it’ll reach a point where the energy expenditure will outweigh the benefit and the fruits will stop evolving to travel any further, which I imagine would plateau somewhere in the 0.5 to 3 meter range. However, the fruits still require a significantly higher amount of energy at this point because they’ve evolved to move autonomously, so trees would likely evolve to produce fewer, but more developed fruits as a result. Overall this is the second most likely way bananas would evolve to move, but the video depicts a time lapse, not footage taken in real time.

The next most likely option is #2, which is where things start to get much more interesting. At this point we are quickly beginning to leave the territory of the banana being a fruit and stepping closer towards the realm of the banana being its own independent organism. Whether the banana is still a single fruit from a larger tree depends on if the video is stabilized or not. First, let’s assume that the video has automatically stabilized the banana within the frame. This means that the banana is moving erratically and aimlessly, with the goal of simply moving as far from its origin as it can. The most simple form of this would be a ballistic dispersal method in which the banana grows curved and under tension, falling off the tree when ripe. Upon impact, the tension is released and banana extends, springing itself upward and outward with a single bounce. But this isn’t what the video shows either, it depicts clear and repeated movement, again suggesting the presence of motor cells much like those likely found in banana #4. In this case it probably evolved in roughly the same way as banana #4, but works less effectively due to having a less stable method of traveling.

But what if the video ISN’T stabilized, and the banana’s staying upright all on its own? In the video, the banana isn’t just moving along a single plane with one set of motor cells like the Venus flytrap. It’s full on galloping. This requires multiple groups of motor cells working together in a coordinated effort. This banana has real-time sensory input to orient and stabilize itself. This means that the banana has evolved some sort of internal gyroscope, much like our inner ear that helps it determine what up and down is, and more importantly, angular rotation. While plants have been observed reacting to and even predicting stimuli in ways that still baffle scientists to this day, this is far more complex than any plant every discovered throughout human history. Everything here points to something more, perhaps rudimentary intelligence, dare I even say sentience.

This begs the question: is it even a plant anymore? At this stage it’s evolved sensory organs and can move independently. But why? Organisms don’t evolve the ability to move without reason. This could mean one of three things. First, it could have evolved the ability to run as a means of spreading its seeds further. But this can’t be the answer. Moving more slowly would be way more efficient for a banana in terms of energy expenditure, and spreading seeds the old fashioned way is still perfectly viable, so it wouldn’t have evolved that way due to lack of necessity. This brings us to the first legitimate possibility: the banana is prey. If the banana were prey, then the ability to gallop most likely evolved as a means of escaping predators and to avoid being eaten. This is further evidence that the banana has evolved beyond being a humble plant as this goes completely against the purpose of fruits, which evolved to be eaten on purpose. Now, the banana’s goal isn’t to be eaten so that its seeds may be deposited elsewhere, its primary objective is to survive. At this point it’s relatively safe to assume that the banana no longer comes from a tree, and now reproduces through fragmentation, or perhaps even live birth. Its lack of leaves suggest that it’s evolved beyond being an autotroph and relying on photosynthesis. But if it no longer gets nutrients from a tree, how does it subsist? It must be getting its energy from somewhere. The most likely answer to this is that banana is a herbivore, and gets its energy from plant matter, which contains a lot of the same nutrients that the banana recently used to get by growing on a tree. Overall, this is the third most likely way the banana would evolve locomotion.

But what if it isn’t an herbivore? This brings us to the other possibility: the banana is a predator. The banana that concerns me the most is banana #3. While all the other bananas have undergone major changes to their morphology, banana #3 appears to be identical to any regular banana, yet it still moves. The only way that such movement could be possible is if the banana had some sort of internal mechanism that moves its center of mass around rather quickly within its outer shell, which also requires an internal gyroscope for balance. I know what you’re thinking; “but this is an incredibly complex mechanism, wouldn’t it be easier to evolve one of the other ways?” To which the answer is yes, it would. But this raises another question with an even more alarming answer: why didn’t it? The answer lies in the banana’s identical appearance to that of a typical Cavendish. Clearly, looking like an ordinary banana is central to its survival strategy. At this point, it’s evolved well past the point of being a fruit and has become the first of an entirely new kingdom of sentient creatures descended from plants.

According to my estimates from the video, banana #3 is only able to move at a pace of around a tenth of a meter per second, maybe a quarter or half of a meter at the most. This means that it probably didn’t evolve the ability to move as a means of running from predators. Based on the physics in the video, my best guess as to how the banana moves is through the use of mostly hollow internal chambers with a central mass (probably a calcified seed) suspended by tendons that can move in any direction, accelerating the banana in that direction. Here I’ve collaborated with the massively talented @pholidia to bring my ideas to light.

Picture it. You’re a lone banana farmer in South America. You’re out harvesting your crops when you see a single banana on the ground. It looks a little weird and bruised, but still totally edible. “No good in letting perfectly good produce go to waste” you think to yourself as you pick up the banana. You go to peel it when suddenly, you feel a sharp shooting pain through your hand. You drop the banana, then fall to your knees. You look around for the wasp or whatever it was that stung you, but you can’t find anything. You collapse in a heap on the ground, unable to control your body. It’s at this point you notice the banana start to move. “Are… are those teeth?” you think to yourself. At this point the venom has taken full effect. You are alone and completely paralyzed, unable to do anything besides observe the banana as it starts moving towards you. Sharp teeth and beady black eyes are fully visible now. It ambles towards you clumsily, moving almost as if it were being controlled by invisible strings like a marionette. It reaches you and starts to chew. It is at this moment that you discover, much to your horror, that the venom is merely a paralytic, and not an anesthetic. Helpless to the venom, you can do nothing but watch as your blood slowly drains out onto the ground as the creature consumes you. Slowly, your vision begins to fade to black. You pass out, either from the pain or the blood loss, you’re not really too sure. You take one last look at the creature, then you’re gone forever.

[the-northern-continent]

Rhythm and Breath in Dragon Age: Inquisition

Inquisition plays around with a couple recurring rhythms:

iambic pentameter (dagger skill tree, Maryden)

trochaic tetrameter (Saga of Tyrdda Bright-Axe)

the cadence from the song Hallelujah (Solas)

Many folks have already written technical comparisons of these different rhythms, but I specifically wanted to talk about how they handle breath.

Without even paying attention to the word content of these rhythms, the breath patterns help set the mood. Are my breaths regularly spaced? Am I gulping for air? Am I breathing slowly and calmly?

As we go through the different rhythms, try reading them aloud to see where your breath lands.

Iambic Pentameter

Iambic pentameter is a five (penta-) foot meter, where each foot is an iamb. An iamb is a two-syllable “da-DUM” sound, an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. So each line has 10 syllables total.

Here’s an example from the dagger skill tree, with the feet color-coded:

You leap through shadows to attack your foe

With deadly strikes that hit them from behind.

Before your target turns to face your blow,

You move to stealth, impossible to find.

If we read this aloud, we find that 10 syllables is a lot! There are very few mid-line commas, so we naturally want to breathe between lines. But each of those breaths needs to last for ten syllables. If we don’t want to pass out, we’re reading the lines a bit faster than we normally would.

The iambs add even more forward momentum. Since we need to save more breath for the second syllable in each pair, we hurry slightly faster over the unstressed syllables.

Because we keep repeating that same syllable count and stress pattern, the overall effect is one of speed and precision. This is a rogue rapidly making blow after blow after blow with their daggers, hitting every single time. This is Maryden rattling off each sentence with perfect poise and musical training. There’s no time here for thinking; no room for mistakes. The next line is going to be ten syllables too. And the next. And the next.

Trochaic Tetrameter

By contrast, the Saga of Tyrdda Bright-Axe only has 4 (tetra-) trochees (DUM-da) per line. On every other line, the final unstressed syllable is dropped (catalexis).

That’s a lot of jargon, let’s color code the feet:

Tell the tale of Tyrdda Bright-Axe

mountain maker, spirit’s bride:

Free, her people, forged in fastness

made in mountains, hardy hide.

This is a classic meter, often found in nursery rhymes and folk songs. Because there’s only 8 syllables per line (plus lots of mid-line commas), we can read each line at a casual pace, without speeding up. The catalexis adds extra emphasis to the rhyming lines, since we get to the last (7th) syllable with more breath to spend. And even within each foot, we don’t have to manage our breath as much, because the stressed syllable comes first.

This creates a comfortable rhythm that lends itself to memorization and recitation. We can easily imagine this saga being passed down beside a campfire.

Hallelujah

Since the Hallelujah cadence comes from music rather than poetry, it has an additional kind of stress, the mid-measure secondary stress.*

We don’t exactly have feet, but we can color code each measure:

I lay in dark and dreaming sleep

while countless wars and ages passed.

I woke still weak a year before I joined you.

For the first two lines, each measure is 4 syllables long, so we get 8 syllables in each line, similar to the Tyrdda poem. If we read it aloud, it’s easy to do it slowly and thoughtfully. The secondary, quieter stresses also create an echoing effect, which emphasizes that Solas is thinking about the past.

Then the last line goes absolutely bananas. It abandons the unstressed-stressed repetition and gets much longer, flying up to 11 syllables — even longer than the 10-syllable lines in iambic pentameter.

Additionally, Solas tends to glue the first two lines together, which is SIXTEEN syllables, so they sound closer to an octameter** than the tetrameter(ish) sound of the original song.

The overall effect is of someone trying to be measured and thoughtful, but partway through he gets hit with nostalgia and the lines spill out in a long breathless rush. Bro has to speak quietly so he doesn’t totally run out of air.

*Music theory sidebar: Leonard Cohen’s original version is in 12/8 time, so the secondary stress isn’t as prominent. It shows up in one or two verses, but not all. A lot of the subsequent covers, including k.d. lang’s, sound more like 6/8. That means every measure has a 2-beat count: 1-2-3 4-5-6. I think the 6/8 version fits Solas’ speech pattern a bit more. But he’s not singing, and secondary stresses are harder to place. Syllables don’t have to align 1:1 with melody notes (in fact, in Hallelujah there are several places where the syllable alignment changes from verse to verse). So someone else could easily hear a slightly different stress pattern.

**This implies a cursed version of Solas where the last line is omitted and he’s actually syncing his speech to Modern Major-General.

[dantakeyoman]

The Entire Sully Family Shows Out For Your Iknimaya and Supports You (SFW / Comfort)

Reader is Fem! Omaticaya

CW: i love the Sully family so much, Neteyam is such a supportive bf (even tho he’s technically your crush in this but tomato, tamato), you kinda sorta almost die

“Neteyam,” you whispered, nervously taking his hand as Eyati finished her turn, happily soaring in the air with her new ikran. 

“You will be fine. I believe in you,” he smiled, giving your hand a firm squeeze.

“But what if I’m not? What if none of the ikran pick me? Or what if I can’t catch it?” you listed off, your brain already spiraling with different scenarios, all of them ending in you failing.

“You think too much,” he lightly laughed, giving you a soft flick in the temple. 

It made your nose twitch. 

Today was the day of your Iknimaya. And the entire Sully family came out to support you.

“You have been practicing for this more than anyone. It would be impossible for you to fail.”

“And even if you do, you can always ride with me,” Lo’ak smirked, resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Tsahey!” Neytiri scolded, smacking her son upside the head for mentioning the possibility, the boy letting out a loud ouch!

She stood in front of you, a warm smile on her face, as she placed a hand on your heart.

“You must feel it in here. Be quick, and let your heart guide you,” she assured.

“I believe in you, (y/n)!” Tuk happily exclaimed, clinging to your leg.

“Thank you, Tuk,” you smiled, ruffling her hair a little bit.

“Alright, kid. You’re up,” Jake chimed, watching the second to last kid finish.

You took a deep breath, letting go of Neteyam’s hand and getting ready to walk away.

That is....until you felt something wrap around your thigh.

It was Neteyam’s tail.

He pulled you back into his chest, placing a heavy kiss on your lips.

Your eyes shot wide, and you blushed a dark shade of blue when you realized the entire Sully family was watching you.

You kissed back for a moment, before trying to pull out, but Neteyam kept you firmly in place.

It made Neytiri smile.

You were a fine girl, practically perfect for her son. She would be happy to call you a part of the family if Neteyam chose you as his mate.

“Ahem,” Jake cleared his throat, smirking.

The time for love would be later. He wanted to see his pupil kick some ass.

The two of you separated, and you looked at the boy in disbelief.

Neteyam had never kissed you before. 

Holding hands and tight hugs, sure. Maybe the occasional cheek peck. 

But never on the lips.

It felt good.

“For luck,” Neteyam smirked, slowly removing his tail from your leg.

You smiled, puffing out your chest with newfound confidence as you walked towards the crowd of ikran, Jake following closely behind you.

“Remember, kid,” he started, resting his hand on your shoulder. “Trust your instincts. Let your mind go blank and your body’ll know what to do.”

You smiled, giving him a firm nod.

Jake and Neytiri tag-teamed in teaching you the ways of the hunter, Neytiri focusing on the spiritual side, and Jake focusing the physical.

Neteyam and Lo’ak had finished their training and Iknimaya already, and now it was your turn.

You whipped out your rope, slowly stalking closer to the banshees, the entire family coming out the shade of the cave to watch.

You got into a predatory stance, hissing at all the ikran that were near you.

Every single one of them flew away.

Not deterred, you went to another group of them, hissing once again.

They all flew away as well.

Shit.

The anxiety began to sink in.

Not a single one was hissing back. Not a single one wanted to kill you. Not a single one wanted you as a rider.

Were you not worthy? Did you do something wrong? You were sure you were doing everything correctly, so why wasn’t it working?

You were about to hiss at the third group, when all of a sudden, a huge, black ikran landed on the rock, making the whole mountain shake.

“HOLY SHIT!” Lo’ak shouted, going wide eyed.

It had a 20 meter (65.6 feet) wingspan, at least, and razor sharp jaws, with talons the length of a banana.

Neteyam’s heart twisted in fear.

That thing was giant. One wrong move and you could be incredibly injured, or worse.

Dead.

His stomach hurt at the thought.

You stood there, gaped, as the impossibly large ikran stood before you, hissing back as it wound up it’s claws.

“SNAP OUT OF IT, (Y/N)! MOVE!” Jake shouted, his voice shaky.

“MA CHILD!” Neytiri exclaimed, fearful.

This was bad. 

Neither of them had ever seen an ikran this big, it’s size only second to that of Toruk. 

It could very easily kill you.

Shaking yourself out of it, you tuck and rolled, dodging the talons just in time.

Now that it’s wing was low, you jumped on top of it, using it as a ramp to run onto it’s back.

It violently thrashed around, making you lose balance the fling you off, sending you over the ledge.

“MA CHILD!” Neytiri gasped.

“(Y/N)!” Neteyam screamed, starting to run towards you.

“Wait! Look!” Lo’ak grabbed him, pointing to where you were thrown. 

Neteyam watched as your blue hand grabbed onto the ledge, the other one helping push you up.

When you fell over, you tucked the rope in your mouth and grabbed onto a root before you could free-fall.

You were a little banged up, but otherwise okay.

“That only took 10 years off my life,” Jake sighed, clutching his heart.

Hoisting yourself back onto the rock, you stood up, now angry.

“Alright you little shit. You wanna come at me? Huh?!” You spat, taking the rope out your mouth and baring your teeth.

The ikran turned to you, getting into a predatory stance and hissing.

It looks like she didn’t like your shouting.

You got into the stance as well, hissing back even louder, showing your fangs.

He didn’t know why, but watching you be so strong, so fearless, made Neteyam not only erupt in pride, but in another feeling. 

One he didn’t know the meaning of.

It made his skin burn, his stomach flutter, and his tail wag.

Lo’ak smirked, noticing this.

“You are such a bottom,” he teased, making Neteyam blush deeply.

“Am not!”

“Will you two shut it! Look!” Kiri hushed, pointing at you.

The boys whipped their heads around to look at you, who was swirling around your rope.

Without warning, you ran for it head on, letting out a loud war cry. 

The ikran roared, getting itself ready for what ever was coming.

As you got closer, you leaned down in your run, scooping up some dirt in your hand and tossing it into the beast’s eyes.

It let out a loud cry, thrashing it’s head about to get the dust out.

Taking this opportunity, you ran up the ikran’s wing, jumping onto it’s neck roughly.

Tossing the rope over it’s mouth, you tied it shut, keeping it from biting.

“Yes! That’s it! You got it!” Jake happily cheered on.

“Make the bond!” Neytiri called.

You quickly grabbed the banshee’s kuru, and were just about to make the bond when roughly flapped it’s wings, doing a back-flip and sending you both over the ledge.

Not again!

“Shit!” Jake exclaimed, the entire family sprinting to where you fell off, Neteyam being the fastest.

“Is (y/n) okay?!” Tuk asked fearfully, clinging to Kiri.

“I don’t...I don’t know,” she nervously answered, squinting her eyes to try and see.

The clouds were dense up there. You couldn’t see a thing below.

“That’s it,” Neteyam dismissed, letting out a quick call to his ikran. 

“Nuh uh. You gotta let her do this on her own,” Jake shut down, holding back his son as his ikran landed next to them.

“But what if she’s hurt?! She could be free falling right now and we wouldn’t know it!” Neteyam exclaimed, thrashing in his father’s grip.

He couldn’t let you die like that. Falling from a height this great would surely leave nothing left of you.

It was a cruel and violent end that you didn’t deserve.

“Ma Jake,” Neytiri nervously chimed, a knowing look in her eye.

She couldn’t say she wasn’t nervous either.

After taking you under her wing, she sees you as a fifth child, as part of the family.

She didn’t know what she would do if you died during your Iknimaya.

“I trust her abilities. She wouldn’t let herself die so easily,” Jake stayed firm in his position, still holding back his agitated son.

Just then, as if the answer to six prayers, you burst through the clouds, soaring on the back of the abnormally large ikran.

“ILEY!” you joyfully shouted, throwing a triumphant fist in the air as your banshee did a backflip, your happiness reflecting through her.

“Alright!” Lo’ak cheered you on.

“Way to go, (y/n)!” Kiri smiled, happily dancing around with Tuk.

Neytiri smiled, ululating, as she and Jake shared a big hug, Jake sighing into it.

You scared him for a moment there.

And Neteyam couldn’t help but watch you in pride, and a little bit of awe.

You looked so majestic as you flew through the sky, like something out of his mother’s stories.

Your joyful smile, the wind blowing through your hair, the overwhelming sense of freedom he already knew you were feeling.

It all looked gorgeous on you. 

And he now had no doubt in his mind that you were the woman, you were the warrior, he wanted to be his mate.

...

taglist !!

@vane28282, @remutoast, @p1nkprint, @ladyorchidia, @anthonys-viscountess, @karmz-7319, @cantbuysophialove, @scarabruhs, @an0th3rsss, @deloe18, @mariiyoushi, @av1xar, @alexxcorona113, @may-and-lay, @overlyfancybreakfastfoods, @harshita-hiranyamayi, @qui-02, @myheartfollower, @morks-watermelon, @bangtanxberm, @adavenus, @sweetdayme4427, @lilac13, @torchbearerkyle, @dazedshoon, @rovckwell, @wonieee, @0710khj, @multifandomreader73, @kadu-5607, @la-cey, @roseazura, @sophiejiro, @angelbeari, @bludyl

[foone]

so for Argiope appensa, the banana spider, the average male size is about 1.9cm (0.75"), while the average female size is 6.4 cm (2.5")

Imagine if humans had that kind of sexual dimorphism.

Specifically, I want you to imagine a world where the average male height (1.8m/5'9") is the same, but women are on average 5.9 meters (19'4") tall.

and also imagine how much harder it would be for trans people to pass in this world. We really are lucky that humans are so very androgynous.

[deathandthesoul]

Lamenting how there is only 1 chest hair with toned muscles option in GW2 and it's locked to a certain body type and only comes in black and no red. So GW2 has Aidan all shaved and he has no freckles... and... (bursts into tears)

[mutant-distraction]

THE MYSTERY OF THE COSTA RICA SFERES ... INTERESTING QUITE.

One of the strangest mysteries of Costa Rican archeology has been discovered in Costa Rica's Delta Diquis. Since the 1930s, hundreds of stone balls have been documented, ranging from a few centimeters to over two meters in diameter. Some weigh 16 tons. Most are made of granodiorite, a hard, igneous stone that peels like an onion when exposed to sudden changes in temperature. These objects are monolithic sculptures made by human hands. Over 300 spheres were found in the country. However, there could be many more, hidden forever in the mythical forests of the South Pacific. Mostly all the spheres that have been found have been moved. At first from the banana company (who were the first to find them) and then from all kinds of people, as one theory says they are a status mark. There are spheres in official buildings such as Asamblea Legislativa (Costarico Congress), hospitals, parks and schools. And for many years on gardens and guilds of peoples. And of course also in museums.

[skele-bunny]

Thinking about Quintessence Ghouls w/Glucose Monitors...

So hear me out!! Magick is exhausting, takes a lot of energy, and can shut someone down from both an energy and magick burn out—but also have sudden spikes and surges with too much.

Quints have to monitor their glucose levels constantly! It's not uncommon to see them wearing a cgm monitor or having meters on their person! Wether it's high blood sugar or low, they're always hyper aware!

It's why quints are constantly seen with an apple juice box, bananas, raisins, and honey candies. Sometimes peanut butter, grapes, or toast will be involved if they experience magick surges/spikes to calm them down.

Aether showing Phantom how to change the depth setting of his lancing device when he started with a meter, and to not touch the testing strip bottom. Then eventually how to put in a cgm!

Omega having Terzo press the monitor to his cgm when he doesn't feel well enough to sit up on his own. Who's to say Terzo doesn't like feeding his lover grapes in a non-sexual way LMAO /silly

Even Swiss has a meter! Even though quintessence isn't his strongest element, he still has the effects. He prefers the meter method. Occasionally just poking himself and usually has Rain double look the reading!

Aurora having an episode after using too much quint, just being held by Cirrus and slowly being fed glucose gels. She prefers the fruit punch and orange flavors most!

On the tour bus, there's always a giant hoard of juices, candies, and slow-carbs. Even after Aether left, Mountain stayed on top of keeping it stocked for Phantom, Swiss, and Aurora!

Mounty constantly whipping up green teas and literally plucking the quints up and putting them on the floor with the tea.

GHOULS CAN SMELL IT!!! I have such an in-depth hc that Ghouls are kinda like service dogs. They can smell when someone's scent or body changes before it happens. It's not uncommon for quints to suddenly get sniffed by others, ushered to sit, and getting little snacks.

UGH I just adore this sm :(