#BadFlirting

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Bad Flirting Masterlist

a change of heart and a silver lining (ao3) - bellawritess luke/calum T, 18k

Summary: Calum’s not obsessed with routine or anything, but he does become accustomed to certain constants in life. Michael is always about eight minutes late. Ashton always records vocals barefoot. Calum always knows the person behind the register at Bake Station.

Except today. Today it’s a stranger, though admittedly a stranger who looks enough like Jack that Calum can easily connect the dots.

“Hi there,” says the bloke in Jack’s place, giving Calum a bright smile. “What can I get for you today?”

If this is Luke Hemmings, Calum’s fucked.

(OR: wrong number AU and strangers to lovers bakery AU battled and this was the outcome.)

Attachment - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) ot4 E, 3k

Summary: Michael has created a group with Luke and Calum called I Hate It Here Michael (3:23): Be honest are either of you paying attention rn

Daydreams - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) michael/luke, luke/calum T, 6k

Summary: It’s not Michael’s fault the owner of Fletcher’s Flowers is so good-looking. And no one—Luke—should be able to blame him for wanting to come to the shop and admire the pretty buff man with large delicate hands as he assembles bouquets or pets his cat.

For Ransom - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) calum/ashton E, 8k

Summary: Kidnapping Ashton Irwin is not nearly as hard as Calum thought it would be.

Got My Heartbeat Skipping (ao3) - galacticsugar calum/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Calum still remembers the first time he came in, probably six months ago. He showed up two minutes after Calum unlocked the door and had greeted Calum with an enthusiastic "good morning!" as he stepped into the shop. It was confusing to Calum that anyone could be that alert at 6am without having had their coffee yet.

home is wherever you are tonight (ao3) - lifewasradical luke/ashton M, 72k

Summary: Life has become so mundane in the past few years that there’s very little that sends a thrill up Luke’s spine anymore. It’s that idea that had him saying yes to the idea of moving out here for a few weeks anyways: the knowledge that this was a completely new place where no one knew his name. He could be anyone he wanted to be here, within reason. He wouldn’t be seeing any of these people again after May, so what’s the harm in becoming a new person for a bit? Someone not so bogged down by the shit in their head that they can’t get out of bed some mornings. Maybe this is a step in the direction of the person Luke wants to be in the future anyways.

Or, Luke inherits a beach house on a tiny coastal island that needs some work. He didn't plan on falling in love with the guy at the hardware store.

i feel the wind in my hair, chasing after you (ao3) - hideforalifetime luke/ashton G, 18k

Summary: Luke works more than he should, is paid less than he should be for the amount of hours he works, goofs off at lunch with Calum, goes home to his dog Petunia in the evening and watches whatever’s on HBO. Then he does it all over again. And he’s sick of it. He wants a change. He wants to be the guy he was in college, free of all worries like rent and bills and all that bullshit. Just walking from class to the dorm to the bar, and every weekend, he’d go off on his own, just him and his motorbike.

Or, the one where workaholic, control freak biker Luke Hemmings meets the most laid back guy he's ever seen. And he's hot, which is a plus.

I just wanna feel your body right next to mine (ao3) - lifeinecstasy ot4, multi T, 1k

Summary: Luke gets wasted and Ash drags him home

John Dough - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) luke/calum/ashton E, 15k

Summary:The one where Luke is an erotica writer pining after Calum the mailman but, also, the small-town baker is pretty hot too.

just dance (gonna be okay) (ao3) - kingscrossinseptember michael/luke T, 1k

Summary: Michael doesn’t have the fear of elevators falling that so many of his fellow college students have. He understands why the fear comes from; elevators are small and there is the possibility of getting trapped in one, even though it would most likely be for a very short amount of time. But Michael’s done his research and knows that it’s practically impossible for modern elevators to go into free-fall, and he’s pretty sure that considering how many people an elevator is designed to hold, it’d be very hard for anything he does while alone to have an effect. So, whenever he finds himself alone in an elevator while listening to music, he’s more than happy to use the opportunity to have a mini dance party.

No.0001 (ao3) - MyMy michael/ashton G, 533

Summary: College mashton's first kiss in Michael's apartment.

Rockstar - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) T, 5k

Summary: “I’m gonna buy you a drink.”

Ashton mumbles, his cheeks feeling hot and his body feeling lost, “Just one.”

And it really is just the one.

It’s just one drink.

Sick - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) ot4 E, 3k

Summary: Luke (5:06 pm): calum wont fuck me 🥺

you say you didn't know, i wonder why you didn't ask? (ao3) - hideforalifetime michael/luke T, 14k

Summary: Luke and Michael have been best friends since elementary school, moving out of the country all alone, but together for college, getting through all the highs and lows of adulting together. There’s never been a person who knows them that doesn’t refer to them as “Luke and Michael”. Always paired, and if one’s without the other, questions are immediately asked. Hell, some people automatically assume they’re dating, and he hurriedly corrects them. But deep down, Luke doesn’t want to. He doesn’t know when his brain made the transition of looking at Michael as a friend to someone he’d want as more than a friend, but it’s true. Sometimes, when he stares at Michael’s choppy, often dishevelled blue hair, he feels like-

[tea-with-gin]

I don’t always recognise flirting...

“dumb question. of course Tea’s an angel. look at their hundred wings and thousands of eyes” - gin

Original comic, drawn by Gin.

[wangxianfics]

Title: Boyfriend material

Author: Ricken

Universe: Modern AU (MDZS)

Status: Complete

Rating: Mature

Length: Epic (40 000+)

Summary: Lan Xichen would do anything if it meant his brother was happy, which is what lead him to eavesdropping on the Jiang brothers as they discussed their requirements for a partner. Or; Lan Wangji attempts to woo an already infatuated Wei Ying using bad pickup lines, and a few more things.

Recommended by: @luckymoony (mod)

Comment: Here's one of the funniest modern AU I've read in this fandom. Lan Wangji uses the worst pickup lines ever to win Wei Wuxian over and the Gusu dumb trio share a flat together XD A-Yuan even makes an appearance and Wen Ning plays DDR XD

[mravens-corner]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 #Humor #HumorPicture #BadFlirting #Texting #TextFlirting #Hilarious #HilariousMemes #Funny 😂😂😂😂 https://www.instagram.com/p/B240G__hzz3/?igshid=1bqsuu09z7e9d

[wishfulwaters-brightmoonlight]

You must be Jupiter because even at your closest you still are 365 million miles from me

[sezzydalezzy]

when your flirting game is sooo bad that people can’t even tell you’re doing it... what a boss! 26 and still no idea how to flirt xD

[bachimagines]

Chapter 1: Welcome Back

"I really wanna spend some quality time with each and every one of you and just share some moments that we'll never forget, for... for the sake of my sisters, you know? Okay... So! Lets party like we're fucking porn stars, okay? And make this one trip we will never forget! Alright?! Yes!" My eyes lingered on the phone for a moment before I removed the earbud from my ear and passed it to Mike. He was looking skeptically at the screen.

"He's pretty excited for this, huh?" Mike asked from my right. I shifted uneasily in my seat before leaning against Mike's shoulder. Josh had seemed pretty eager, and that was what upset me. I hadn't handled the loss of Beth and Hannah well, in fact. I seemed to have handled it the worst out of everyone that had been there. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to the snow.

"Robin, hey come on." I woke to Mike jostling me as he attempted to stand up without letting me fall over. Groggily I straightened in my seat and pulled my glasses off of my face to rub the sleep from my eyes. Mike squeezed between me and the seat, stepping into the isle. I slipped my glasses back on and stood as well.

"Come on little sis!" Mike called out, grabbing his bag and jogging to the front of the bus. I leaned into the seat in front of me and hoisted my bag off of the cheap upholster. I slung the black and red bag onto my shoulder before heading after Mike. I nodded at the elderly man driving as I stepped off, though he didn't seem to notice. Or care.

I looked up as I stepped off of the bus and into a snow bank. The mountain looked just the same as it had last year. The snow was falling around, the sky was a deep shade of purples, blues and grays. The stars and moon lit up the trail and caused the fallen snow to glitter like diamonds. Mike was only standing a few feet away from me, his eyes locked on the mountain side as well.

"It's weird. It looks just the same... I mean... I half expect to see them all up there..." Mike stated idly. I walked over to him and bumped my shoulder into his.

"I know what you mean." I led the way toward the front gate. A note was taped to the front with scribbled hand writing on it. I pulled it off of the gate before reading it.

"Chris says the gates locked." I offered the note to Mike before attempting to open the gate. It rattled but stayed firmly closed. I glanced off to the side. Several uneven bricks were sticking out of the wall to the left of the gate. I pulled off my bag and tossed it over before hoisting myself up the wall and sliding down to the other side. Mike's bag landed beside me as I stumbled into another snow bank.

"Coming over?" I questioned turning to face the gate and wall. I couldn't quite make out what he was grumbling but I saw his head pop up over the wall. He pulled himself up and then slid down to my side. I smiled and pushed on his shoulder lightly as he landed. It was enough to send him down into the snow. There was a brief silence as he looked up at me from the ground. I blinked slowly and reach down to pick up my bag.

"I'll meet you.... at the lodge..." I stepped away from him slowly as I shouldered my bag. A smile flickered to his mouth as he lunged for me. I jumped back and felt my face light up as I danced out of his reach.

"K BYE MIKE!" I shouted behind me as I took off along the path. I let the symphony of snow under shoes lull me up the mountain. Mike was somewhere just behind me as the Cable car came into view. I felt my heart sink as I slowed down. This had always been the worst part about coming to see the Washington's.

"Ahhhaaa!" Mike slammed into my from behind. One of his arms wrapping around my shoulders, the other in front of me to keep me from plummeting into the snow face first. "Got you." He joked. I shook my head and made my way more slowly to the car.

"Nervous?" He questioned stepping around me and into the suspended steel case. I shuddered and followed him in. The doors slid shut behind me and the car began pulling itself up the cables. I slumped down into the seat beside Mike, I pressed my leg against his.

"I still hate this ride." I mumbled. He shook his head and chuckled.

"You seem to enjoy it alright with darling Joshy on board." Mike nudged his elbow into my side and smiled down at me.

I felt my cheeks turn red, but I pushed away the embarrassment. Instead I slipped my arm through his and held on. My gaze focused on the window, on the sky. And I willed myself to forget that I was fifty plus feet in the air with some old cords holding me up. Without meaning to I felt my grip tighten on Mike's arm. He patted my shoulder reassuringly but otherwise remained silent. Mike stood as the trip came to an end. It was quiet for a moment then Jess's face came into view and the door between us and the outside world opened.

"Hey babe!" Mike led me out of the car before letting go and reaching out for Jess. She embraced him warmly before looking at me and smiling.

"Hey Robin!" She ducked under Mike and wrapped her slender arms around me tightly. I wrinkled my nose as the scent of some expensive perfume filled my nose. I hugged her back equally tight. Over her shoulder Mike was looking at me curiously. Jess and I released one another and stepped apart.

"Hey Jess... I'll meet you back here in a few okay?" Mike spoke up out of the blue.

"What? Why?" Jess pouted looking from him to me. I shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. She didn't notice and turned her attention back to Mike.

"Walking Robin up a little bit." Mike winked at Jess before looping his arm through mine. "Just wait a few minutes babe." Without another word he pulled me away from Jess and the cable car. He didn't let go until a small wooden bridge came into view and we were on it.

"You still don't like her?" He let go of my arm and turned to face me head on. I shrank away from his scrutinizing stare. I shrugged nervously and backed away a step or two.

"She's never been on the top of my list Mike... In case you forgot, neither was Emily." Inwardly I shuddered at his Ex's name. The only girl I loathed more than Jess was Emily. At least Jess had part of a heart, Emily... without fail was always a bitch.

"Mmmm." He sighed and turned away, rubbing his face thoughtfully.

"Do you mind if I walk alone the rest of the way?" I asked softly.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded before walking around him and making my way up the trail. It wound up the mountain, it was a long walk and a pretty decent workout. I pushed my glasses farther up the bridge of my nose and reach back to tighten my ponytail. It was a nerve thing with me, I fidgeted. I hesitated as a path split off to my right. It led just off the main path to one of those scopes you could look around in. Ashley was gazing into it as I came to the intersection. I was pretty indifferent toward her. I shifted uneasily before continuing up the main path.

Another five minutes of snow crunching and the lodge came into sight. I sped up as I saw it, I couldn't wait to chill out in front of a nice fire. To talk to some of the people I'd come up with, or just ya know... relax.

"Robin! Glad you could make it!" His voice sounded close. For some reason it took a minute to process his figure coming down the stairs. I eyed him as he came closer. His cream colored hat was pulled down over his ears. Both of his shirts were rolled up, one above the elbow the other just below. I arched an eyebrow.

"You're insane Josh." I smiled and held out my arms as he approached. He slipped his arms under mine and under the bag on my back. Warm patches formed where he was touching me, I tensed up as he lifted me into the air. I clung to him tightly until my feet were back on the ground.

"I disagree." He replied taking a step back, his hands still resting on my shoulders. "Man you, you look good." Josh's eyes traveled down my body and back up. I looked away trying to suck it up, and not be a shy ball.

"Aye you too." Playfully I winked at him, a move I'd seen Mike do multiple times over the years. Josh's eye brows arched and a playful smirk darted across his face.

"Did you- ya know see anyone else?" He asked idly glancing back toward the path.

"I know I saw Jess and Ashley... and Mike came with me. Anyone up here yet, or just you... alone?" I closed my mouth finding that my words sounded more like an idiot than anything. Josh didn't seem to mind. Instead he back up and took a seat on the stairs. I slipped my bag off and dropped it on the ground before taking a seat beside him.

"I'm not alone up here." He responded earnestly. I turned my head to face him, he was already looking at me. Something in his expression made my skin crawl.

"What d'ya mean?" I asked.

"You're up here too... aren't you?" He asked before looking back toward the path. My line of sight followed his. We sank into silence as we waited for the others to make their way up.

[mercuriusgem]

Hopefully you’ll recognize that I’m just an adorable weirdo #awkward #niceguy #badflirt (at Indiana's 3rd Congressional District) https://www.instagram.com/p/Br3lreDFXpia6ay8tJtwjgEh5zusbFnj32fnbM0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=41kv94eqzan1

[phoenixbanana]

Flirts by calling my crush “man” and “dude”

[edgoffunny-blog]

Www.edgoffunny.com #edgoffunny #edgymemes #27fevrier2017 #27feb2017 #oldmeme #schoolshooting #badflirting

[inkfowl]

I'm so smooth. *Winks with both eyes*. #badflirting

[badinstadays-blog]

Part 2 of a previous post. It would apparently be a priviledge to be loved by him.....

[ilostmyshoesandmysanity-blog]

Harry’s face is like Ron, stop. Please.

[wishfulwaters-brightmoonlight]

You must be Saturn because I want to give you all the rocky rings

[badflirting-blog]