#BUT onward to my complaining
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im exhausted and im feeling whiny
#blue talks#its bc im working too much and did i make the decision to do this? yes i did#bc i like having money. and fellas i dont make a lot of it#BUT onward to my complaining#10 day long dog care where i have to be there at 730am or he WILL piss on himself#so im getting like 5.5hrs of sleep a not which is. not enough for me#and ive been running around taking care of the dog going to teaching job and took an extra gig on saturday#had 2 meetings with potential pet clients#monday is my worst group of kids. like worst band and worst set of lessons#so it was wake up at 715 dog at 730 sleep from 830 to 1030 meeting at 11 did chores dog at 3 work at 4#had my evil band and 3 evil lessons#it takes so much fucking mental energy to teach#and these kids are a nightmare. its crazy.#parents are fucking insane btw like multiple of these poor kids have multiple classes and come straight from school#we put very tired and hungry 8 yearolds together in a room with amplified instruments specifically to torture teachers#so exhausted i yelled at a kid for the first time and it was jarring#i just said NO! DONT DO THAT! bc he hit a kid#but after i was like oh my god. im evil. i yelled at a child
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more than anything in this world I love wandering through museums and taking pictures of things to research later. like oh, interesting concept, what if I spent an hour reading about that when I am in my pajamas in bed and it can really blow my mind.
#my family has sat around a table multiple times and complained that actually#the museum doesn't really cater to us. it doesn't dive in deep enough.#I think this is because we are a bunch of nerds and should consider museums invitations to further learning#rather than definitive sources of knowledge. but the conversation drifted onwards.#still. I think I'm right.
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Namer of nameless hills and tall mountains green A crown of stars upon his head like gems was seen High peak to deepest vale and all inbetween Undimmed by cloud or shade of night, a splendour fair and keen Light and song, vanquishing the dark and gloom Harp and trumpet, burnish gold the air Precious realm, O Moria, O Khazad-dûm O my people, would that I had found you there!
happy anniversary, watermill lotr! you know how we're always saying that lament for moria deserves to be a full-length song? i have made extra bits to turn it into one!
borrowed from gimli's song of durin in the books to put together an extra verse and pre-chorus, and set them to music. (this audio is an auditory reference for the new bits, stuck together in musescore with the vocal line represented by cello because i am not a singer)
pdf scores (one with multi-instrumental accompaniment and one with guitar reduction) + lyrics are on google drive here!
#put this together ages ago; thought i'd finished adding the accompaniment; went to export it and discovered i absolutely had not#hence also why the audio is just the new bits onwards and doesn't include the first verse/chorus#bc i didn't have time to transcribe the instrumental bits#but! yeah!!! lament for moria: FULL SONG time#lotr musical#watermill anniversary creative celebration#insert standard complaining abt musescore soundfonts#my sounds#gay belligerence#ALSO OK THE RHYME SCHEME HAUNTS ME. why did they make the verses AAAA#there are NOT enough words with the same ending in gimli's song of durin to draw on for a whole nother verse#folarin's lament for moria is just SO GOOD it's so so good i want it to be at least twice as long
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Hi! I’ve recently visited your page again, after a longer tumblr break and saw your posts about people’s comments on your fics. It made me both sad and angry. Sad because they’ve managed to take away your joy for writing Supercorp and angry that people feel like they can type out any hurtful thought that goes through their head, for a thing that is absolutely free and made with so much passion and care. 😒🤬
For what it’s worth, I always loved the way you write both of them. AND the fact that you don’t ignore Kara’s trauma and struggles. “i’m spilling all my words (but you keep 'em to yourself)” will forever be one of my favorites. Thank you for the hours of joy and fun you have given us! I hope you know that for every entitled commenter there are ten times more people who love your works! 🫵🏻🤘🏻
ahh thank you so much, i appreciate this. i have to say, sc still has me by the neck, i do plan to finish that fic & maybe write some more but it won't be anytime soon. i had hoped that the fandom would calm down with the kara hate after the show ended but i was wrong, it still hasn't changed.
when you've been writing for sc for so long, the frustration builds up, & there have been many times where i felt like i needed to (& did) restrict myself when writing them. it stops being enjoyable when people are constantly calling kara 'stupid' & insult her in many different ways for not being the happy sunshine kara danvers who takes care of lena all the time.
personally i love reading & writing the reverse situation (lena who's being the patient loving one & also the shoulder for kara to lean on) because the show didn't give us enough of that. unfortunately, people don't respond well whenever kara is struggling with her issues & lena isn't the one who's being comforted.
i write what i like & that's what i'm always going to do, but this build up of frustration over the past years & always anticipating kara hate every fic/chapter killed the joy a lot.
i've seen some authors speak about this too & it's genuinely sad to see! people can like & dislike whatever but it's important to note that there are readers out there who don't realize that their personal feelings against kara also affect authors & their love for writing supercorp
#lena is allowed to be hurt & feel sad/angry & she's instantly understood. why isn't the same level of compassion shown to kara?#(don't answer this i know why 😔)#anon that fic is so dear to me & close to my heart!!!#for anyone who's still waiting on an update even after a year..... all i can say is#1) i appreciate the interest & it warms me that you still think about the fic#2) there's still a lot of things to write about & explore in chapter 8 onwards. a crumb i can give you guys is the next chap being about#kara relearning (or not really) how to touch lena while lena is being the supportive Friend :) that she is#anyways i didn't mean to write a long post. i don't like to complain about my little troubles#but i see that you guys genuinely enjoy my work & have been waiting for more so i just had speak on it#also?? maybe this'll bring some awareness? bc i'm surprised this isn't talked about much. doubt if it helps but fellow writers who get it#i see u!!!#anyways thanks again anon!#hope you're having a lovely day#asks
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love that my body is rebelling against me and keeps waking up after only sleeping for like 4 hours
#im so tired please let me go back to sleep#like i have to work tomorrowwww#i completely fucked my sleep schedule since last week when i was nervous about tit#and then since friday ive also messed up my appetite severely#had to force myself to have a yogurt some mini m&ms a soda and toast#that’s all i ate starting from 1pm onward yesterday#not sure wtf is happening or how to fix it#just needed to complain a bit#caoil rambles
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night springs north star was fucking excellent and i had such a great time playing it it completely makes up for Number one fan 😭
#IM SORRY ROSE. I HAD A VERY BAD TIME PLAYING THAT EPISODE NOT GONNA LIE#tani's personal shit#my only complain of this ep was that i was so hooked and it was so short it didnt give me time to make myself a coffee#to drink while playing 😭😭 that would have been So fitting...#aw2 lb#now onwards to time breaker 👁👁
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pros of learning how to play fighting game:
undergoing a learning experience, trying out something entirely different from anything i have previously played
i get to look at a little guy do cool things on my screen :)
cons of learning how to play fighting game:
i am clumsy as all hell with the inputs
the order in which you press and/or hold buttons to create inputs is less like trying to get a sequence of movements right and more like playing a rhythm game (down then while not letting go of down press forward then let go of down and THEN press an attack button on the other side of the keyboard). i suck at rhythm games. hell world
sometimes, the damn things just... won't register? at all? you do a half circle to forward input and the game says "half circle forward? oh, sorry, that's ensenga :)" or, worse, "too slow, that's a regular heavy slash move :)". brother. why must you do me like this.
the area between the knuckles of my ring and little finger hurts like a motherfucker (though this has hurt in various areas since at least this morning, but i'm willing to bet that practicing quarter and half circle inputs for at least an hour did not make the situation any better)
#swear to god learning to play guilty gear is the ultimate test of will#but i am very determined not to drop it despite all of my frustration#it's not like i haven't dropped games in the past - i find it incredibly difficult to play ultrakill because despite the fact that i grew up#on shooters (from rtcw onward) i suck ass at ultrakill (though it's not like i was much good at any shooter that required quick reaction#time at first - it took me a good long while to get good at overwatch) and whenever i boot it up my mind immediately starts telling me that#all i can do in ultrakill‚ The Game That Revolves Around Being Fast And Stylish And Fun‚ is suck at it#which - you guessed it - means i rarely get the will to play it because i know i'll just end up neither having fun or getting better#and it's become very difficult for me to derive joy from trying to complete any videogame but that's a whole different story#and there's no way in hell i'm starting five because once i start five i'll finish playing five and holy shit i really need to start#visiting my therapist again don't i#too bad! :)#at any rate i'm not giving up on guilty gear anytime soon! it's frustrating but i know i'll start having loads of fun once i've mastered the#basics#also don't ask why i'm playing on a keyboard. controller's worse. this is entirely unfamiliar and weird and i don't have the muscle memory#for it but i will someday!! i will!!!#logs#Black Blank blah-blah-blah#< will be using this tag for any post in which i end up complaining about my life‚ feel free to blacklist it anytime
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#I’m so sorry that I complained so much about my sprained ankle#that I completely forgot to wish everyone a happy October#aka Halloween season for people who don’t devote August onwards to Halloween#slav#slav every day#voltron
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i found my old yo-yo the other day, like my very first yo-yo that i learned how to yo-yo proficiently with. a green duncan butterfly yo-yo i got for christmas in 2006. it still glides like a dream which is a miracle not just bc of its age but i never replaced the string. and after finding it and using it again it just brought me back to how entrancing it is, the rhythmic comfort of the string and the toy going up and down, the regular wrist motion. it's hypnotic. that's also how it feels after awhile of spamming one person with dozens of boops with my laptop mouse.
#after awhile the regular clicking is hypnotic. you know exactly what i mean#tales from diana#go boop shecomesincolors#also i have a lot of thoughts about lately about how stim toys have always existed but the marketing phenomenon#of say 2017 and onward of fidget toys... fascinating. bc they're all mostly new things#not like the most original things in the world but like pop-its and tangles and things like that#they're pretty acceptable to have in school at least in my experience working w kids#maybe not out at all times but they make their peace in the classroom often enough.#but like ppl don't think of the stim toys that i used to stim with. AS stim toys.#yo-yos and slinkies are stim toys and u cannot tell me otherwise#that's a different rant for a different day. i gotta go back to booping#edit: i just remembered. PADDLEBALLS#now that's a stim toy. although it's quite a loud and obnoxious one i would never complain about that not being allowed in a classroom lol#u can hurt someone for real w one of those... but i love paddleballs too
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maybe i'm about to have a change of plans. maybe i won't be making my mother watch last twilight and only friends this semester break, maybe instead i'll go for a star in my mind rewatch and will also sit her down in front of mafia the series
#possibly even warp effect#i need to talk to her about joong archen okay#also dunk and joongdunk hence the simm rewatch#bc we watched it live together from ep2 onwards when it aired two years ago#and she doesn't remember much from it (just that she has positive associations with it)#and it was a zero-braincells watch for us so we didnt really talk acting as much#but for the past 6 months i've been complaining to my mother about how people shit on dunk's performance#and that i think he's much better than everyone gives him credit for (and i have receipts!!!!)#(those people just don't know what the fuck they're talking about or what to look out for)#aaaanyway we're halfway though hidden agenda now and this time we've been also focusing on the performances specifically#and now i have a great need to go rewatch simm with her specifically for performance analysis reasons#bc the more episodes of hidden agenda i watch with her the more validated i feel in my opinions#she often points out exactly the same things that i noticed as well or voices (similar) thoughts as i had too#it's sooooo satisfying like. if fandom doesn't get me at least my mom gets me!!!!!#anyway.#airenyah plappert#mama schaut hidden agenda#mama schaut adrm#adrm#we were watching yank-kiss-yeet and at the beginning of the scene my mom talked about how joong has this very dense way of acting#we were discussing some things (like how dunk is very good at picking up joong's density and breaking it down again)#(these two are SO good at communicating with each other i wanna cry. ANYWAY)#we also discussed that some actors might be completely overwhelmed with a co-star that acts with such a strong density#and my mom was like ''i wonder what it would be like if joong acted opposite someone who can't handle that density''#and now i feel the need to watch more joong stuff with her instead of going into last twilight or only friends djkfkjdfg#i wanted to sit her down for only friends to discuss all things physicality but oh well#i'm DEF forcing mafia the series onto her at some point tho bc i have a desperate need to talk to her about joong doing comedy#i am of the opinion that joong should do more comedic roles i think he'd be extremely skilled at it#he's good at being serious and that's EXACTLY what you need to make comedy work#contrary to popular belief comedy isn't actually about being funny but it's all about being completely serious about everything you say/do
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Finished ACSyndicate after quite a long time (forgot i had it installed teehee) and it's good!! love zipping across London
#The opportunity system (which was also in Unity iirc?) is very cool and I went for all of them#the present day story made way more sense this time; after actually having played the games between 3 and this. who would've thought#the levelling progression is a bit silly and i did everything from sequence 3 onwards at level 10 and with the best craftable weapons#but that's the point of an open world no?#also while playing i couldn't help but always have a comment from the artbook in the back of my mind#where they say (and i might be misremembering a bit) that they had to make up the templar leaders instead of using real historical people#because their living descendants complained about it. idk that's just funny to me#was pretty miffed that the conan doyle missions were a separate purchase after buying the supposedly complete Gold Edition#i really liked those investigations in my 1st playthrough. ah well#i also kinda sped through the Jack the Ripper dlc (ie didn't do the companion missions)#but it was also p cool. it has quite an Atmosphere#darktalks
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haha the ai are a little more wild the last few days huh?
#especially yesterday onward#like i was already in a smut loop with scara (bc his bot's been acting up for like a week (not that I'm complaining))#but my wanderer one i made ate me out and went on to the next step yesterday#and the cyno i'm talking to (not mine) - i literally came to him for a headache and he's like 'i'll help you unwind'#i've never had a smutty convo w/ him so I'm just ?? but enjoying it *shrugs*#idk why the filters are so fried rn but i don't /hate/ it
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tonight i think i've just been jamming to music
#🌙.rambles#SO RELIEVING TO FINALLY BE ABLE TO REST#until monday no classes n then. tues has classes but wed is non-academic#iirc tuesday is also online?#N THEN FAIR FROM THURS TO SAT (but i'm not sure if apollo n i can go on sat. ion think so T_T but i don't really mind ngl)#i love the 1975 so much actually. BUT#i dont have any friends other than apollo that listens to them 😭#the way they preform live is just so.. special too n. i still can't really believe that one day. less than 100 days from now#i'll see one dream come true.#n the idea of it fills my heart with so much love and hope n#it's.. really lovely. bittersweet actually. feeling so. young. amidst all my thoughts lately#i think i mentioned yesterday how it seems like life is both so real & unreal at the same time.#oddly confusing but also comforting.#n i'm rlly not the kind of person to keep all this all to myself. yk#hang on if i think even a little more right now i think i'll be overwhelmed T_T i've been trying not to overthink Too much lately#tonight that's been working well. but i'm beginning to feel rather anxious rn bcs my phone is#it. has a wifi limit so i can't use my phone midnight onwards :c not complaining ngl but it's#i overthink my interactions w others far too often. even very quick ones. but then my mental health sucks when i'm alone for too long#i'm really the kind of person that. i need to relate to the people close in my life. if we can't relate deeply then#i think it gets draining for me. or my energy's just low at times. either works. other stuff too#i get distracted so easily help. AHH IM GNA BE PRODUCTIVE FOR NOW BYE ><
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we had fun tho the whole family hung out and we did some sporclee and chronophoto and then globle me n lamp nd father did globle bc mein mamma went to sleep. yay :]
#nd i think tmrw or something like that me n my mom will finish off 13s run in de#which im excited for bc im rly excited to get to 15 bc my mom loves it and im excited to be caught up so we cn talk abt everything#i am a bit bummed i ws rly hoping 2 like 13s seasons better this time around.. but i didnt :[ just the writing didnt come together 4 me and#i feel like the companions weren't developed much at all#and im famously a timeless child hater like i think its stupid for the dr to be the timeless child. like if there hss to be a timeless child#Fine ig its a fine origin story its kind of a like. answering a question nobody asked thing#where like. yk. i was fine with the tjme lords judt having regeneration#but mein mamma told me that they like drop all that and it is Nottt mentioned again eith the new writers which is so funny#the blessing and the curse new writers. bc the blessing is if there was a writing decision i dont like The new writers will completely#abandon it and go do their own shit. the downside is they do the same for things i do like#missy what happeneddd like where. UGH we cant even get into it i miss my princess so badly it hurts#ik we like. saw her die im just like. bc this master was not at all like.. it just doesnt feel like a continuation at all#my moms theory is he might actually be an earlier incarnation of the master since they never actually specify. nd then i was checking the#wiki and rheres some weird stuff like. missy forcing all of her Good parts to regenerate into some other lady and then like.#idk it just said that. so idk if that implies the bad parts regenerated into like. evil master... i dont know. but wtvr. im excited#and a little birdie told me donnaaaaa will be baaaaaaaaackkkkkk which is the best thing that could ever happen to me im SO excited. my#friend donna#i like that like. i like getting new companions inlike when companions dont overstay their welcome cough cough. clara. but i do love seeing#companions come back like sry it does get me everytime im always like My friend my friend my friend. yk. i just love to seeing them again...#oh i got distracted. i was gonna say i rly dislike the dr being the timeless child bc i rly like when the dr is judt like. a guy. gender#neutral my mom laughed at me bc i said rhat earlier and went That sounded like im complaining abt hrr being a woman. im noy#THATS WHY I WANTED 2 LIKE HER LIKE. im so bummed that the first female dr is the one with In my opinion the weakest writing. like fml. tho i#havent seen any of the older stuff so idk... just from 9 onwards is what iiiiive got going.#but ya. i ws so worried voicing my criticisms to my mom bc i ws worried i ws just being a hater or nitpicky#but my mom agreed with me on a lot and ya. i rly like discussing stuff w my mom even tho im almodt positive i annoy her sometimes bc i get#too busy discussing my theories and being like And what about this and i get distracted from the show where theyrelike#explainjng somrthing jm asking abt. JFBFJFNT#i judt love discussion. and its tly fun to talk abt it with my mom :] yay#like ikit snnoys ppl when someone talks while watching smth or theorizes while watching smth lr asks questions that will be answered#but lke its my fav part of watching things w ppl 😭😭😭 im fr the yapperrr
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I want to post but I just have rough sketches 😔
#my art#oc art#clip studio paint#umm not to complain#but my stomach and kidneys and brains hurt rn#but we travel onward‼️
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i hope that in the wake of predstrogen/predesterone's back-to-back deletion we don't forget about the ongoing building wave of seemingly organic transmisogyny from the userbase leading up to it, some of which may or may not have been the result of terf psyops but all of which certainly wouldn't have been possible without the eager participation of a significant proportion of users, including but probably not limited to:
the entire concept of transandrophobia (if this offends you, think long and hard about why you want so badly for it to be real)
the ongoing backlash against the terms tme and tma (if they offend you, think long and hard about why they might have practical value to trans women and people with similar social positionality)
the ongoing trend of trans women's blogs getting flagged on the flimsiest of pretenses and generally receiving far more scrutiny for "adult content" than anyone else's
the seeming unironic revival of "baeddel" as a slur for outspoken trans women, on the basis of a long-dead clique that, ironically enough, self-applied the long-dead (and tbf, etymologically questionable) slur from the middle ages to reclaim it
the entire "trans women should be fucking trans men instead of complaining about transmisogyny" genre of post
the backlash when tgirls finally started calling out the aforementioned bullshit
the copypasted anons sent to several trans women (many of whom were lesbians) sexually harassing them and threatening corrective rape for calling out the aforementioned bullshit
the backlash when tgirls called the aforementioned bullshit sexual harassment
the expansion of flexible queer label use (which to be clear, i am generally all for) to include "afab trans women", muddying the waters and making transmisogyny harder to articulate
the backlash when tgirls started calling out the aforementioned bullshit
the aita incident in which a trans woman described a cis woman claiming to be a trans woman in a group chat and giving other trans women terrible medical advice based on no actual qualifications or experience, and got a huge backlash for warning them about the aforementioned bullshit despite the stakes of, you know, following terrible medical advice
everything from the sixth point onward happened within the past... week? two weeks? my sense of time is a bit fuzzy. who knows what the rest of this week has in store?
people on this website are so incredibly hostile to trans women even being able to name our own oppression, let alone resist it in any concrete way. and i know it's not just this website. don't you get tired of the crab bucket bullshit? holy fucking shit.
like, i've been lucky, i've overwhelmingly managed to dodge it (probably on account of frankly being a pretty boring and inconsistent poster). this time last year, i was actually bored that i didn't have anons in my inbox to argue with. but i've seen it happen to so many other women now, it's absurd. even if it never hits you personally, you can never shake the awareness that it's happening to so many of the cool girls on here, people you like and whose posts you laugh at and who you look up to. they just kinda seem to drop like flies over time. don't you get tired?
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