#BUT if u would like to tell me about your dinosaur opinions please by all means SHARE!!!!!! i live to learn and love to live

[pockycigar]

the gang goes to the natural history museum.

text below

tim: paleontologists used to think the small forelimbs were used by males to hold the females during dinosaur sex. but ignore that. stupid theory. a more plausible theory submits that forearms shrank to reduce injury and mauling during feeding. frenzied t-rex heads are massive. (duh. use your eyes. Eye.) and have a bite force of 35,000 newtons. imagine that coming down on your arm. it'd tear right off. that'd be messed up. and if you kept your arm it'd become diseased and gangrenous from bacteria. you'd wish the damn thing came off. you'd wish you were dead. nasty. anyways i hate tyrannosaurs. the ideal dinosaur of the cretaceuous period was the anklyosaurus. magnificent creatures.

kelly: didja escape your exhibit. get it. cuz ur old. geezer lol. don't get dino-sore haha. crusty. hehe.

[thisaccisdead]

give up on a miracle - sanders sides au - chp. 1

pairing(s): as of now, romantic nicomas and platonic everyone else

warnings: lots of religious stuff

summary: patton, virgil, logan, and janus are angels in charge of answering prayers. when they find out the earth is scheduled to be destroyed in a week, their only hope for saving it is to set up two humans: thomas sanders and nico flores.

word count: 3.5k

notes: this is a based off of miracle workers but not an exact au, idk it’ll be fun, you don’t have to have seen the show, you just have to like silly angel shenanigans 

Please, God, let this somehow work out.

Thomas didn’t ask for miracles too often. Well—that was a lie, he probably prayed for some inconsequential thing everyday, but he rarely meant it the way he meant this one. The man at the mall felt like fate. He was beautiful, and according to his backpack he was gay, and he was just a few tables down, and... Thomas should have just said hi as soon as he had noticed him, but he had psyched himself out. Like always.

Usually that would be the end of the story, but as Thomas was headed for the exit, the man was there too. In front of him. Speaking to him.

Thomas was too caught off guard to process the first half of what he said—though he did register being given back his abhorrent carrot snack—and when he tuned back in, all he caught was:

“Uh, it’s okay! It’s probably a bit too nosy for me to ask anyway.”

“Uh, yeah! Super nosy! What’s wrong with you, man?” was the sentence that came out of Thomas’s mouth in response. He blamed his lips for coming up with it, because he knew his mind couldn’t have been involved.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” the man smiled apologetically at him, and even that small, sheepish smile was so radiant… yeah, Thomas was mentally beating the shit out of himself. “Well, have a good night!”

So, now the fate-given man was headed somewhere else, and Thomas was about to lose him—probably forever—if he didn’t act. So, obvious answer: he had to act. But he just… couldn’t. Not without a sign at least.

Not without a push.

When no push came, Thomas told himself it wouldn’t have led anywhere anyway. He continued about his day, with only the slightest added weight in his chest.

•••

“Aw, Virge, we have to do something about this one!”

Virgil looked up from his own paperwork to see the prayer Patton had pulled up.

“‘Please, God, let this somehow work out,’” he read out dryly. “Hm, not very specific.”

“Oh, but you didn’t—c’mon, look—“ Patton waved his hand to replay the video of the scene. The figures popped up on the screen, and Patton was reminded all over again of the dopey, flustered expression of the human, Thomas, as he failed so miserably at talking to his mall crush. It was such a silly, hopeful wish—Patton’s favorite kind—and he couldn’t bear to see it go unanswered.

His fellow angel did not share this opinion, evidentially. “Nope. Nuh-uh. No way,” Virgil said, “Love prayers are stupid as shit, hardest of all, never work out. If this whole department’s getting shut down, I’d rather spend my last week answering achievable prayers.”

Patton frowned. His brown-dappled wings drooped as his excitement wavered. “Is that right, though?” he asked, “Should we really stick to… what? Finding lost wallets? Delivering extra sandwiches? Like we’ve done every year of this job? If this is all ending, I wanna finally do something that matters, Virge.”

Virgil looked betrayed. “Lost wallets do matter, Patton. Maybe they don’t end droughts, or heal hearts, but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter. If people wish for it, it matters to them. I always thought you agreed with me on that.”

Patton bit his lip. He did agree with Virgil, on some level, and on any other day he would have considered his words more carefully. But with the prayer department set to close down this very week, he had lost some of his filter. Maybe his ideas were far-fetched, but when he had joined the Department of Answered Prayers he had been hoping to do exactly that--end droughts, heal hearts.

“Virgil’s right,” chimed in Logan. Their manager made his way over, and took Patton’s tablet from his hands. He swiped upwards on the prayer, officially dismissing it as ‘impossible.’ “There is no need to feel bad, Patton. It’s not our fault humans mainly ask for impossible things. If they want impossible, they need God, and God doesn’t have that kind of time. If they want an extra sandwich… we can pull a few strings.”

Logan nodded approvingly to where Virgil was coding breezes on his tablet, screen open to a view of a rural town avenue. He was carefully, cautiously, innocuously blowing leaves into piles one-by-one. This process eventually cleared the front yard of a small house, just in time for a kind-eyed, middle-aged man to come home and cheer at the sight of the finished chore. He even did a stupid little dance to himself, and Patton saw the smallest smile tug at Virgil’s lips.

“I agree with Patton,” came a voice from over by the mini fridge. Janus was doing what he did best: sipping at the canned wine he wasn’t meant to have, not doing any work, and giving his opinion on everything anyway. “Let’s do something interesting. It’s not like it matters at this point.”

“What do you mean?” Patton squinted at him.

“Cuz the prayer department’s getting shut down, duh, what else have we been talking about?” Virgil answered.

“No,” Janus said, “Well—yes, but… you know why we’re getting shut down, right?”

Patton and Virgil tilted their heads at him, and Logan looked away. A smile appeared on Janus’s face, but not one of joy. One that had an edge, a venom in it. “Logan… you didn’t tell them?”

“It would only upset them,” the management angel replied, still not meeting Janus’s eyes.

“Yeah, because they’ll not be upset at all when they see Earth randomly explode in a few days,” Janus deadpanned.

“What?!” Patton and Virgil exclaimed in simultaneous dismay.

Logan glared at Janus. “Are you happy? Now we have to deal with this for the next week.”

“Earth can’t explode yet,” Virgil said matter-of-factly, “that’s not right. Right?”

Patton nodded emphatically. “We should’ve gotten at least a century’s notice! Or had it on a public schedule somewhere!”

“Yeah, God has to call it off. At least for now,” Virgil agreed.

“You want God to stop it?” Janus said with a laugh. “He didn’t even remember it was happening; it was His PA who told the management staff.”

“Yes, it was,” Logan narrowed his eyes at Janus. “How did you find out about it anyway?”

Janus opened his mouth, but before he could answer, Virgil cut in, “God’s not gonna do anything about it?”

“It’s been in His plan. Why would He need to change it?” Logan asked rhetorically, adjusting his large, round-framed glasses as he did so. It was a movement he made often when he was being a know-it-all.

“How’s Earth gonna die?” Patton asked, looking at the floor, still in denial. He had lived his life on Earth, he had been a human—they all had, before they died and became angels. It had been so long since he’d been alive, he couldn’t quite remember the feeling of it. The memory was blurred around the edges, but it still seeped warmth, like dough burning into bread over a fire. Now, the only connection he had to that sensation were the humans--the chance to watch them, how they lived such utterly flawed, full lives. He recalled Thomas’s hopeful expression.

“Asteroid,” Logan replied. He didn’t need to check his files to give the answer, his ink-blue wings stiff behind him--and that was when Patton knew, despite his cold, indifferent attitude, this news was weighing on him too.

“Like the dinosaurs. Well, bigger. But still unoriginal of Him,” Janus scoffed, checking his nails—well, more like checking his gloves, which seemed unnecessary. Something mournful crossed his face for a moment, but Patton couldn’t place what. “The dinosaurs were sad too.”

“You lived in the 19th century. You weren’t around for dinosaurs,” Logan stated, brow furrowed in confusion. Janus ignored him.

“An asteroid? He could prevent that so easily! Earth deserves to at least live to its natural end,” Patton said. He glanced to Virgil, hoping for backup, but his coworker seemed most focused on biting his black-polished nails into dust.

“Well, isn’t it the natural end if it was in His plan?” Logan asked, once again, rhetorically. He also adjusted his glasses again. Patton liked to think of himself as particularly nice, even for an angel, but he wouldn’t have minded seeing those glasses broken in that moment.

“I’m more interested in your claim that Earth doesn’t ‘deserve’ to end,” Janus smiled at Patton. It was a slippery kind of smile, one that he couldn’t grasp the intentions of. “Overall, it’s a dumpster fire of a planet, wouldn’t you agree? I mean, 99% of the prayers are literally impossible for angels to answer at this point.”

“Yeah, well, I know some angels who are too busy with their shitty wine to even try—“ Virgil began to complain, turning on Janus, but Patton was too busy having a revelation to pay much attention to it.

“That’s it!” Patton exclaimed, jumping up from his seat with a grin.

“Please, be more specific, Patton,” Logan sighed. “Define ‘it.’”

Patton was, once again, too busy to pay attention to this. He made for the doorway with haste, only tossing over his shoulder: “I’m going to meet God!”

•••

Logan, Janus, and Virgil made it to God’s office before Patton did. He wasn’t the best with maps, so sue him. The trio was waiting in the grand hallway for him, and he was thankful that they had decided to back him up, despite the fact they had no idea what he was doing. Even though the coworkers bickered their fair share, you couldn’t work as the only 4 angels in a crumbling department without a certain bond forming.

Patton gave them a grateful smile as he strolled past them and right up to the secretary’s desk. The secretary, who was… not present? He checked the name plaque. Engraved in the gold of it was: Mrs. Snuffles, but the ‘u’ had been scratched out and written over so that it was Mrs. Sniffles. Before Patton could even begin to be perplexed by this, a large orange tabby hopped up from the floor, where she had been hidden, and onto the desk.

The cat looked him in the eye, with a surprising amount of purpose, and meowed.

“Hello?” Patton asked, dumbfounded. “...Mrs. Sni—Snuffles?”

She meowed again, this time with an undercurrent of what Patton could only assume was impatience.

“I—“ Patton looked back at the group behind him, but they just shrugged. They were following his lead. That couldn’t be good. “We would like to schedule a meeting with God, please.”

Mrs. Snuffles trotted over to a stack of papers, and pushed the top one aside with a swipe of her paw. She looked up from it after a moment, and then jumped down from the table, going up to the gilded, arched doorway at the end of the hall. She started meowing loudly, and soon an angel with cardinal-red wings and a matching red suit jacket stepped out. He looked down at Mrs. Snuffles, then up at Patton.

“I’m terribly sorry, but God is not available right now. He’s very busy,” the angel explained with a polite smile, the kind that was trained and not felt, “and he will be until Earth explodes. Thank you, goodbye.”

“Oh,” Patton said dumbly. He maybe should have expected that.

Mrs. Snuffles hissed at the angel, and he sighed. “You really think they want to talk to Him?”

“We do!” Patton interjected.

“You think you do,” the angel replied, an undercurrent of bitterness to his tone.

“Same difference, right?” Patton said, giving the other a hopeful smile.

“Just let us in, Princey,” Virgil’s annoyed voice came from behind. “Don’t be an ass. At least not more of one than usual.”

Patton looked between the two of them. “You know each other?”

‘Princey’ gave Virgil a deadpan glare. “Fine. You want a meeting with God? Be my guest.” He stepped aside from the doorway, gesturing to it with a sarcastic flourish.

When no one else made a move, Virgil grumbled and pushed past Patton. The rest of the group followed. When they got to the door, Patton paused and turned to the red-winged man. “Princey—“

“Roman,” he corrected.

“Roman,” Patton repeated. He pointed at the cat curiously, “Mrs. ‘Sniffles’?”

Roman blushed. “I was allergic when I was alive.”

A resounding reply of “Me too!” went through the group, and they all turned to each other in mild surprise.

“It’s how I died!” Patton added cheerily.

“Huh,” Roman replied with a puzzled frown. He cleared his throat. “Well, good luck.”

“Thank you!” Patton said. He looked down at Mrs. Snuffles as well, “Thank you, too.”

She gave him a final, curt meow, and rubbed up to his legs, pushing his feet against the door. He laughed, turned to the others waiting for him, and they nodded. Roman opened the door, and gestured them in.

Patton didn’t know what he had expected God’s office to look like, but it was decidedly not what he found upon entering that door. He had expected something resembling the grand hallway leading up to it: golden statues, velvet carpet, ivory columns. And, sure, that seemed to be the basis of the office; it was everything that was added on that was surprising. The bookshelves were stacked exclusively with trashy magazines, the walls were covered in posters of boy bands and movie stars, and a side-room had been renovated into what appeared to be a personal Starbucks. Finally, in the center of it all, sitting on the sofa and watching TV, was:

“...God?” Patton asked unsurely.

The man--(should Patton call Him that?)--eyed the group from behind a pair of sunglasses. He didn’t bother to turn the TV off as He casually greeted, “Hey, babes! What’s up?”

“Um,” Patton glanced at his friends for help, but they were clearly just as lost as him. Well, not Janus; Janus seemed unbothered. This provided Patton some sense of comfort, enough for him to continue, “We wanted to ask about--”

“Hold that thought, hun,” God held up a finger. “Roman!”

Roman walked in, almost reluctantly, at the call. “Yes?”

“Be a peach and mute the TV, would you?” God asked, throwing His PA the remote. Roman caught it as if with practice, and pressed the mute button with a wry expression.

“Thanks, love you!” God said, then turned back to Patton. “What were we talking about?”

“Well--”

God tried to sip the frappe in His drink-holder, only to find it empty, and He interrupted again to say, “Roman, coffee alert! Mama needs His caffeine!”

Roman bit his lip, presumably to stop himself from letting out a sigh. When he walked to the Starbucks corner, he seemed to purposefully avoid eye contact with the group. Patton glanced at his friends, and found Virgil suppressing an amused grin, and Janus not bothering to suppress his.

“We wanted to ask about the end of the world,” Patton finally said.

God’s brow furrowed slightly. “End of the world? Oh! OH, that is coming up, isn’t it? When’s that again, Ro?”

Roman, from behind the coffee maker, replied, “7 and a half days.”

“Oo, fun!” God gasped, “That’s so soon! I totally forgot that was so soon, isn’t that crazy?”

“So crazy,” Roman agreed dryly, handing Him a new venti frappe.

“Right,” Patton said, almost at a loss, “So, you… want the world to end?”

God shrugged, using one finger to play with his coffee straw as he spoke. “It was in my plan, wasn’t it? Plus, I mean, y’know… Earth’s really, like, ‘ew’ right now, right? Like, sure, I COULD save it, and then I’d let the humans keep doing their little thing, but I don’t want that; they’re mostly messes. I wanna make… I dunno a new place with, like, more Idris Elba’s.”

“And you’re willing to kill the real Idris Elba for that?” Janus cut in. God looked him up and down critically, before asking,

“Hey, do I know you from something?”

“No,” Janus replied quickly, “Certainly not from Eden, and even if I was there, I wasn’t the snake. I’m a real angel, hush.”

Patton turned to him in confusion, but God just shrugged again, and said, “K, whatever. Anyway, yeah, what’d you gals wanna know about Earth again?”

“Um, we wanted you to, maybe… not… blow it up?” Patton asked.

“Hmm,” God hummed, “Thanks, but no thanks! Earth is gross, I’m just so over it, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” Patton replied without thinking, unable to hide the frustration in his voice anymore, “If Earth’s messed up, all the more reason to be there for your children, and not just kill everything. It’s wrong.”

There was a ‘thunk’ against the floor, and Patton looked to see that Roman had dropped the old coffee cup he had been carrying to the trash. Logan and Virgil were staring at Patton with equally stricken expressions, and Janus’s face was unreadable. He suddenly realized what he had said. He then realized how many angels had fallen for saying much less.

God stood up slowly. He approached Patton until He was uncomfortably close.

 “Awe,” He pouted, “babe, I know it’ll be sad, but how am I supposed to change it now? It’s in the plan, hun. I’m sure you understand.” He patted his cheek once condescendingly--a touch that carried the pleasant warmth of a sunbeam--before He stepped back and took a long sip of His coffee. Patton didn’t break eye contact the whole time.

“I have an idea,” Patton said in a newly sunny tone--the type of overly kind, conversational tone that should be feared-- “How about a bet?”

“Are you for real?” God gaped at the continued insolence, somewhere between disbelief and delight. In the end, delight--or at least novelty--won. “Deal with the Devil is out, deal with God is in; OK, I’m into it!”

“You say it’s too hard to save Earth now? Impossible, even?” Patton asked challengingly. He heard a quiet gasp of realization from Logan, and when he glanced behind himself, he noticed Janus was smiling, as if impressed. This gave him enough confidence to continue, “Impossible, like it would be impossible for a few random angels to answer an unanswerable prayer?”

“Sweetie, I don’t know what you’re saying, but I love the way you’re saying it,” God waved His hand appreciatively.

Patton took Logan’s tablet from his hands. He scrolled to find the ‘Discarded Prayers: Impossible’ file. He held it out to God for proof as he concluded, “If we can answer one of these prayers before the end of the world, surely you can stop it from ending.”

“THAT’S your plan?! Pat, we can’t complete the possible prayers half the time,” Virgil exclaimed. He buried his face in his hands. “Earth’s dead.”

God, however, let out a dreamy sigh, holding one hand against His chest. Patton wasn’t sure if he was meant to feel like the ambitious hero or the prize dog at a pet show. “You know, I should say no…” God bit his lip with the same expression a suburban mother might have when she was about to cheat on her juice cleanse, “...but I never could resist a little twist! Ok, shake on it!”

God extended His hand, and Patton took it without hesitation.

“I, God, proclaim: Earth will not be destroyed next week if, and only if, an impossible prayer is answered.” As He spoke, His palm began to glow white, such that Patton had to look away for fear of being blinded. If God’s touch had been a sunbeam previously, it was now the whole sun, and Patton almost cried out from the burning heat. Technically, he didn’t have skin in the same way he did when he was alive, but he swore he felt it melting off in that grip.

Yet when God pulled away, there was no extra light in the room, no damage to his hand.

God smiled innocently. “Ok! Cute! So, what prayer you gonna choose?”

Huh. Patton hadn’t thought that far ahead. Maybe Virgil’s concern wasn’t so unwarranted. He looked down at the tablet he was still holding. His eyes scanned past several prayers that were beyond impossible--fix capitalism, no more YouTube ads, fix global warming, no more incels--until his eyes caught on just the thing. An unabashed grin overtook Patton’s face in realization,

“Oh, I know exactly what prayer we’re doing.”

•••

“Well, have a good night!”

Nico turned his back on the cute mall man after he said it, and he had to push down the urge to glance back a final time. He tried not to believe in true love—it was at best unlikely, and at worst an extremely problematic trope—but he was a writer, and a daydreamer, and when he spotted the man a few tables down at the food court… he just knew.

Ok, he didn’t know, there was no way to know that kind of thing—but he did want. He did hope. And he did, in a move that was unprecedented for him, pray:

Please, if anyone’s up there: I know it’s silly, but I want this so badly. And I know it’s basically impossible at this point but, maybe… if we meet again... let this somehow work out?

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 35

[Date: 22/2, 06.25 AM -  06.51 AM GMT]

fetch: “...  ... ... ... ...”

[There are three more “...” between other messages]

fetch: “...

uh”

fetch: “what happened”

fetch: “where am i.

where is.”

Chat: “:)”

fetch: “whats.”

[There are multiple ���Fetch?”s]

fetch: “yeah? its fetch?”

Chat: “:)”

[People react to Fetch being back]

fetch: “what?”

Chat: “:)”

fetch: “where the fuck am i?”

fetch: “jesus fucking christ my head is pounding”

fetch: “what the fuck is this nosebleed oh my god”

fetch: “guys what HAPPENED.”

fetch: “wh????”

Mothbo: “Fetch, you need to take off the crown now listen we have very short time. You got brainwashed by Crown and he too Maxwell and Chat. Get the crowns off as soon as possible”

Library/Ren: “MIND WIPE”

Captain Corvid: “fetch, you need to take it off”

Chat: :)

fetch: crown what crown? im literally not wearing a crown

fetch: “knight?”

[Everyone explains how they were called “Knight”, and brainwashed by Crown]

fetch: “what?? I. literally don’t rememwber anything.”

fetch: “jesus fucking christ my head. feels like someone salad tossed my god damn brain”

[Library/Ren: “fetch do you have your tail now?”]

fetch: “my tail? yeah of course. its just super fucking stiff and achy. someone thought it would be funny if they bound it in a way that I can’t fucking move it. asshole.”

[Little-K1ng: “oh im so glad to see you”]

fetch: “glad to see you too buddy <3

wait.

wh

WHY ARE MY EARS BLUE

WHAT THE FUCK.”

fetch: “WHAT AM I WEARING”

fetch: “JESUS CHRIST I LOOK LIKE A CATHOLIC SCHOOLBOY”

[People explain who Crown dyed their ears, and how other weird things are just from getting brainwashed]

fetch: “brainwashed??? but I. I don’t remember.”

fetch: “the last thing I remember is... talking to crown.

about... something.”

[Captain Corvid: “fetch, opinion on horses?”]

fetch: “horses? they’re cool i guess? I had a horse phase in 5th grade lol

my. my fucking ears are blue I can’t hide them like what the fuck

what about the doc

is the doc okay”

fetch: “did crown delete it again i need ti”

fetch: “... ‘fetch is mine’?”

fetch: “what”

[fetch: “... ‘fetch is mine’?”]

jayyyyyyyy: “where was this said?”

fetch: “its at the top of the doc

crown’s typing style”

fetch: “was i. did he seriously make me one of his court.”

fetch: “whats all this pink writing in the doc

who’s pink”

[They tell fetch that it’s his/knight’s]

fetch: “what did I MISS”

Little-K1ng: “im just so happy i cant.. thats my FRIEND”

fetch: “happy to see you too :]”

fetch: “okay okay give me a sec I need to

let me look at the doc”

fetch: “christ this nosebleed. its all over my god damn shirt”

fetch: “th. this knight dude. that was me? or. crown puppeting me around?”

fetch: “and the tumblr. im not supposed to be free.”

[arc: “you really weren’t yourself”]

fetch: “i mean ‘knight’ had one thing right i really do love waffle fries and dinosaur nuggies haha”

jayyyyyyyy: “please we gotta see the screenshots of your dms this is like our LITERAL only chance”

fetch: “I can’t show you the dms.”

fetch: “I talked to crown privately. its staying that way”

[Captain Corvid: “was the chess thing correct?”]

fetch: “in the doc? yeah chess always confused me. Checkers did just as much.”

fetch: “look obviously something influenced me to talk to crown. yall know I wouldn’t willingly talk to him.”

[Little-K1ng: “yy ou l ove them so mcuh !!! and im going to make some ffor yo u!! to celebr ra te !! :' DD”]

fetch: “dude yes. sleepover Very Soon :D”

fetch: “i dont remember anything. prior to talking to crown i don’t remember.”

[arc: “our steadfast keeper of the doc, gone. that scared me.”]

fetch: “don’t worry. the watchdog is back. and it’s gonna be a long day before he goes back inside.”

[Little-K1ng: “i gotta breathe i gotta,, chill im fine im okay he s here hes okay now its allright its okay its fine crown cant ddo ths he cant this isnt a joke i can relax i c”]

fetch: “its okay mona :] just sit back and drink a water”

lynn: “I think crown will try to take fetch back from us”

fetch: “I dont doubt it”

[People express concern]

fetch: “look i’ll take every precaution i can. and stick to doing what i do best.”

fetch: “but. if crown got to me once. and made me a member of his twisted court. I. I don’t know. it could happen again.”

fetch: “g o d I f uc kign

s orr y”

fetch: “b lood on my s c re een

s t upid no s e ble ed”

fetch: “ow my fucking tail. who bound it like that it can’t move when it’s like that.”

fetch: “my fucking ears how am I gonna hide them now.”

fetch: “the thing is my hair is a very distinct shade of red. this shade doesn’t just come in a bottle.”

fetch: “okay yeah my best bet is gonna be washing it out.”

fetch: “mona i hope you don’t mind me using some of your drinking vinegar to get this out haha :]”

little king: “it'll smell good to me!!! i like vinegar and its all gonna smell like friend no matter what!!!! and also... wet dog.... but thats !!!!!!!!! good~!!!! i dont mind at all i dont :'))))”

fetch: “hehe :]”

[Continued in pt 36]

[johannesviii]

So I guess I’m hyperfixating on Death Stranding at the moment

And since I’ve finally finished the story after playing it for like 100 hours over the course of seven months or so I guess I have Opinions(tm) about things I didn’t like in the game

They’re eating at my brain so I’m gonna put them all in a single post to get them out of my system once and for all so I can enjoy the rest in peace

Spoilers, obviously

Hi welcome back to ‘Johannes is obsessing over yet another video game with horror elements in it’! I guess!!

Our latest entry in that category was Until Dawn but since UD can be played in like 6/7 hours and I spent 100 hours of my life on DS, as you can guess we’re talking about a full-blown hyperfixation, the kind that physically hurts because I can’t focus on anything else even after having finished the storyline

But it was super gradual. Again, seven months. I barely made any progress from December to May because I was only doing side-deliveries at the beginning of Chapter 3 instead of... you know... advancing the plot. It became an honest-to-god special interest about two months ago, then 6 days ago while playing chapter 10 it reached hyperfixation levels and now I am in PAIN

I hate my brain

Anyhow

At first I wanted to list the good and the bad hings in it but there’s too many good things to list them all in full, excruciatingly long details, so

Very Quick And Very Incomplete List Of Good Things That I Love

It’s a post-apo game based on travel, logistics, and good will, and it straight up goes AGAINST the whole ‘survival of the fittest’ trope that SO MANY post-apo things try to push!! YES

I insist but it’s built on helping each other and keeping everyone alive, seriously that is my shit right there!

The online community is wholesome?? People leave stuff everywhere, you never see anyone but people put little helpful signs and send you likes, and in my game we almost managed to repair all the roads together

There’s so many new & strange allergies and disabilities and phobias in this post-apo world and? nobody is trying to ““fix”“ anyone?? Like Heartman with his padded floor and his little box that brings him back to life constantly. He’s just... living like that. Nobody’s going “hey maybe you should get another heart operation buddy”

The hero and his phobia of being touched. I. Loved. That. The quiet scenes when he was just talking with Fragile, sitting next to her. In any other context this would just be two people sitting next to each other and talking but it always feels so soft and intimate everytime he allows another human being to just. be next to him. I love it. I love them

Everyone crying constantly because of chiral allergy!!

I loved all the important characters bar one (Bridget/Amelie)!

Why is this walking simulator so enjoyable why am I enjoying the fact that holding L2 + R2 while walking feels like holding your backpack and that you have to relax at times just like you’d have to if you were actually holding a backpack

Seriously. Why

The atmosphere was so great, the music was fantastic and the visuals were on point. A E S T H E T I C

The ghosts!! The giant Beached Things!!! Chiral crystals look! like! creepy hands reaching for the SKY!!

THE RAIN DESTROYS THINGS AND KILLS PEOPLE BY ACCELERATING TIME THIS IS SO COOL SHUT UP

Everytime the game got surreal it was electrifying

THE SURREAL WAR SCENES ON CLIFF’S BEACH

Everyone is using emojis

There’s guys addicted to delivering packages in that game and they’re trying to steal our stuff and we’re like “haha they’re dumb” but we’re basically addicted to delivering packages as the player. So yeah that was pretty fun

Terrorists thinking humanity isn’t going extinct fast enough and wanting to just rip the bandaid and speed things up. Simple but effective concept

People ask for SUPER VITAL ITEMS right next to completely trivial stuff and I’m LIVING for it. “Please fetch my toy dinosaur”. I feel you dude

The most isolated characters are like "LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THIS THING I LIKE" in your emails because they haven't had contact with other humans in years, it's super relatable

There’s a farm where people use the fact that Timefall rain accelerates time to grow food super quickly in one (1) Timefall and harvest everything just before it starts to die and I LOVE that detail of worldbuilding so much

YOU’RE FIGHTING BEACHED THINGS WITH YOUR OWN BODILY FLUIDS IT’S SO STUPID BUT ALSO SO COOL?? I love yeet-ing my own blood at eldritch entities

THE T W I S T S

All the fanservice (bar one detail that I’m gonna complain about later) is on dudes. This game reeeeeeally likes to show dudes naked or somewhat naked. Mostly the main character but this mocap also L O V E S Mads Mikkelsen and there’s a shit ton of homoerotic shots in there

I love Sam the antisocial papa wolf delivery man and if someone touches him or his baby again, I will cry

LOU. LOU LOU LOU PRECIOUS BABY I’D DIE FOR YOU. Wait I did

I love Fragile and how brave she is and how she keeps helping people even if most of them wrongly think she’s a terrorist and yes I will eat this cryptobiote thank you

I love soft science boi Heartman who keeps dying again and again and is a bit too much interested in bodily fluids

I love garbage man Higgs and how complex, funny and still somewhat tragic this memelord actually turned out to be in the end

Seriously I want to stop fixating on this character but you can’t give me YET ANOTHER character who wants to die but at the hands of someone else, that is unfair to do that right after my fixation on the new Doctor Who Master

So yeah Higgs is yet another character who makes me want to grab him by the lapels and shake him and yell WHY! ARE! YOU! LIKE! THIS! STOP! BEING! LIKE! THIS!!

Cliff broke all three of my feelings beautifully and in excruciatingly well-acted scenes that transcended the sometimes lackluster dialogue

John made me cry during That Scene

Mama your background was tragic and terrifying and you didn’t deserve any of this shit and I love you

Deadman was more funny than anything, really, but I still liked him even if he had no sense of personal space whatsoever and it clashed horribly with Sam’s phobias

The ending had some sad parts but was mostly positive, thank goodness

Now I’m gonna explain things I dislike and this looks long but it’s actually only 5 main things so I bolded them to avoid confusion

Things I really disliked (and could have been handled wayyyy better)

We all know it but Kojima isn’t a master of subtlety and some parts of the dialogue kept repeating the same informations again and again AND AGAIN and I was like “ok ok I get it”

The dialogue can be so bad at times seriously

Kojima is a bad writer there I said it

It was particularly annoying with Amelie/Bridget and the fact she’s a horrible person trying (and failing) to justify her actions wasn’t helping

Bridges protocols are incredibly intrusive. All of them. I know it’s framed as bad and Sam hates being spied on all the time and in the end he destroys the device that does that, but I wish someone else would openly criticise it in-game

I guess Deadman sort of did but still

Also I know the whole BB technology was Bridget’s idea, and since she’s the actual villain it’s framed as a twisted, evil thing during the ending, but I wish that had been framed like that much earlier ; a lot of Bridges employees just... seem to accept the idea that their employer is using premature babies and their dead mothers as useful, if disturbing, devices. They seem to justify it by “uh we stole that technology from terrorists” to try to cope with the idea but... yeah.

I mean, one of the points being made very early on is that Sam sees his BB as his child who must be protected at all costs instead of a detection device, but I really wish he wasn’t the only one to object to that thing

Again, the game DOES frame "using babies and their dead mothers as tools” as evil and twisted, I just wish it was given a lot more weight and way sooner

Now let’s talk about the Token Straight(tm) in this game

In any other kind of context it would be a joke! But Death Stranding literally has a Token Straight Guy!

I mean, there IS a few hetero couples among the Preppers. Not a lot, mind you. Like, there’s the Montaineer and his wife for instance. But they’re just there and it’s not what their side plot is about

No I’m talking about this piece of shit right there

This f█cking Junk Dealer guy complains the girl he loves is dead because of Bridges and emotionally blackmails us by sending us old holograms of her before her supposed death (somewhat disturbing holograms too because she looks... pretty young in them), then he sends us on what’s essentially a suicide mission in a BT infested zone, THEN when we give him proof she’s still alive and living in another bunker nearby, he won’t go there himself to check??

But SHE’s like “ok, bring me to him, then!”

He doesn’t deserve you, girl

I’ve already seen several people pointing out that carrying a woman as cargo on your back is... debatable at best and sexist at worst, but that part didn’t really bother me to be honest? She asked to be carried to him and it’s her choice. She was talking to us the entire way too, so that made things a lot less awkward. Also Sam has this phobia of being touched by other people so I bet carrying another human being on his back isn’t fun for him. It was also super stressful to do, to be honest.

And then there’s this EXTREMELY AWKWARD scene when they’re reunited and decide to get married, and thankfully Sam finds it just as awkward as we do because he’s standing super far away from the bunker in a “can’t they talk about this later - I’m right there” way. And I’m under the impression it was intended as cringy, in a “yeppp young people in love are Like That” sort of way, so I can accept that, to be honest. If you don’t take that scene seriously, it’s pretty fun in, again, a cringy sort of way

BUT

Then you receive more emails later and this piece of shit guy complains about her and he’s like “ugh WOMEN” or “marriage is the worst” and they end up divorced in record time and she goes back to her bunker

Which isn’t my problem with this subplot either, I promise I’m gonna explain myself eventually but this context is important. It’s okay to have characters who are pieces of shit like this guy who reeks of incel cologne. It’s alright. Not every character has to be a role-model. It’s good to have characters you can hate.

BUT THEN they get back together later to try to patch things up and you learn he was part of a gang who murdered her parents even though he protected her against the rest of the gang and that’s what I hated about that storyline. I guess if you squint it can be read as “this woman is making REALLY BAD life choices” but I read it as “he saved her so she owes him something, he can’t be entirely bad” and y i k e s this left such a bad taste in my mouth, good lord.

But yeah miss Chiral Artist you’re making really bad life choices please get away from this dude as soon as you can, thank you

Also don’t do this ‘sending Likes’ pose ever again, it was hilarious but also you made me use the word “cringy” several times in this paragraph even though I absolutely hate cringe culture, look what you made me do

Now I have to talk about a scene that was intentionally disturbing as hell but ONE (1) detail in it was disturbing for the wrong reasons

To be honest, I really don’t like the Metal Gear Solid games and one of the reasons is the rampant sexism in them so I... was kind of bracing myself for Death Stranding and expecting it to have at least SOME really bad fanservice with a woman at one point or another but to my surprise?? There was none? All the fanservice is on dudes??? Hello? I really liked that (well at some point Fragile takes a shower in our room but we see literally nothing except her shoulder and then Sam looks away)?? What a refreshing change

THAT BEING SAID

And if you played the game you know exactly what I’m about to talk about

Yep this is the part where Johannes complains about how the bomb flashback was shot

Ok so I guess I should also give some context in case someone is reading this but hasn’t played the game, but the deal with this scene is that our friend Fragile was betrayed by her colleague Higgs who used to be a porter but became a terrorist after meeting the “main“ villain of the game. First he secretly put a thermonuclear bomb in one of her deliveries so she’d nuke an entire city without even knowing it, and everyone after that thought she was a terrorist. And then he tried to do that shit A SECOND TIME, but she noticed and decided to toss the second nuke into a bottomless lake of tar. But he caught her just before she reached the lake and he decided to give her a sadistic choice, which was “teleport away and the bomb stays there and nukes the city, or carry it to the lake but only in your underwear under this rain that speeds up time and it will do enormous damage to your health and your body”

And of course being the hero she is, she decides to take the second option

And it’s an incredibly disturbing scene and it’s genuinely hard to watch

But it’s also the ONLY time a woman is in her underwear in this entire game and there’s A COUPLE of shots that were male-gaze-y at the beginning before she started to run and the really horrific part started.

So in a way I guess it could have been worse? way worse, even

But it still tarnishes an otherwise disturbing (and harrowing at times ; seriously I know I’m oversensitive but it was physically painful to watch) scene with unnecessary shots

We know Fragile had a young body before this happened, this isn’t the point of this scene, guys

Whoever decided to keep these shots (probably Kojima let’s face it), that is bad and you should feel bad

Idk how to do a visual transition for that next one because I do not want to screen that memo

So here’s a screenshot with a nice landscape instead

tw: acephobia

Now I have to talk about something I like the GENERAL IDEA of, but not how the IN-GAME MATERIAL ABOUT IT was written

Because I have to talk about that “asexual world” memo

First I have to say that I absolutely love the fact that a mainstream game openly says in-game “this future is full of asexual people" and?? it’s just that, it’s a part of this world. That’s just how things are. It’s normalised. I love it. For crying out loud this memo has the word demisexual in it. I can’t think of any other mainstream game that had this word in it so far.

It should have stopped there and let me enjoy that in peace but it didn’t

THE MEMO ITSELF WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THESE CONCEPTS and there’s some really bad stuff there. I’d say it’s accidental acephobia but it’s still there. I’m not the best person to talk about this because I’m bi, but it still rubbed me the wrong way

The words this memo uses near the beginning are “"sexless lifestyle” among young people” and yikes, my dude. “Lifestyle”, uh? Really?

And then it goes on about how these new labels were already more and more common “among young people before the Death Stranding” and it also rubs me the wrong way, in a “wow young people and their weird labels lol” sort of queerphobic way?

However I’ve seen a post pointing out that the line “One theory posits that the Stranding accelerated the proliferation of these sexualities” was maybe a way of saying ‘yo asexuals are causing the end of the world’ but... I don’t see it, tbh? In the context of the game, society is extremely divided and a lot of people live in complete isolation and social norms have heavily shifted and it’s kind of normal that there’s queer people visible everywhere now, aces included obviously, because nobody’s bothering to hide it anymore. It’s a post-apocalyptic world! People are just being themselves! A lot of characters also seem to be bi/pan! They’re just vibing ok

At least that’s how I read that part, I can understand if someone had a problem with that bit but I didn’t

BUT! THAT’S NOT ALL because the memo concludes (I’m paraphrasing) “the birth rate has dropped, which might be a problem, but harassment and assault have also dropped, which is good, so idk it’s 50/50″ and. like. I get the intention. But it’s clumsy as hell and very bad. Please don’t confuse abuse of power and attraction. They don’t go hand in hand. Don’t do that. Please. And you know that aces can have kids if they want to, right. Come on. It’s 2020 my dude. This shit is harmful

Also. Like. It’s the end of the world in this game. People don’t want kids. It... has nothing to do with aces. Reality itself is crashing down. People are reluctant to have kids because reality.exe might f█cking crash down at any given moment!

Or a Beached Thing could VoidOut their city!

Or someone might send them a nuke, not naming names!!

Anyway!!!

It’s really badly written and whoever wrote it should educate themselves and maybe get an ace to re-read their stuff next time??

Again I’m not the right person to talk about acephobia and I bet an actual ace would have plenty more to say about this

Thankfully it’s a memo written in-game by a random Bridges councellor and NOT by any important character that we actually know

"I must preempt myself by admitting that I do not have any empirical data" yeah so, f█ck off maybe

So I’m just gonna call that guy “another piece of shit character” but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that the memo was written by someone who thought it was a good idea to put it in the game

Just let me enjoy my super queer post-apo world in peace and don’t write shit like that in your game thank you and goodbye

Minor stuff I also disliked but it wasn’t as awful

I get that Sam is upset at the end because Lou is dying but the way he said goodbye to Fragile broke my heart. It was abrupt and you KNOW he’s upset and wants to have nothing to do with Bridges anymore and that’s very understandable but it isn’t her fault

Seriously I want them to be friends again

I’m gonna pretend they’re friends again after Lou is saved and that Sam is a freelance porter again and sometimes their paths cross and they just talk together in the middle of nowhere and share cryptobiotes

The pacing is weird, there’s this deluge of plot in the beginning and the end but not much in the middle?

The BT boss fights could have been these epic Shadow of the Colossus showdowns but no, they were relatively standard boss fights. Wasted opportunity

The running on the Beach scene sdfghjhgfdsdfghjhgf that was... dumb

A lot of preppers are interesting in one way or another but some are just boring. Also I wish the design of their bunkers was more varied

Amelie/Bridget’s motivations are all over the place, both creating Bridges AND the Demens is... a lot? I know she both WANTS and DOESN’T want the actual, final end of the world to happen but that is a lot to take in and it’s all very confusing

Who the hell cares about ‘rebuilding America’ I just want to build a network where people can help each other

The ‘likes’ are fun but don’t make much sense

In conclusion

Death Stranding Good

Some stuff Bad

Some stuff Very Bad (but it’s just one memo out of 100+ memos, thank god)

I’m still hyperfixating

Send help

[kathyprior4200]

BML Livestream Reaction 6/9/2020

To my lovely H.H. viewers, listeners, readers:

Wow! The livestream today on Ashley's channel was incredible. The fandom raised more than 60,000 dollars for the Black Lives Matter charity. (I was one of the unnoticed ones who donated). I'm just as amazed as the show staff at the sheer generosity and talent of this fandom. There were a lot of hilarious moments and very good improvs as well. (ex. Bosco saying in Alastor's voice: "I'm an unstoppable death machine!" And all the "Oh Ashley," running gags.

Onto theories and clip reveals:

There appear to be at least five episodes for Helluva Boss (maybe) and perhaps for Hazbin Hotel as well. When would episode 12 + come out? 2027? I'll happily wait if I can live and last that long.

The first clip revealed showed Blitzo taking to Loona, him saying "have a treat" and then eating the biscuit. Millie appears to be there with Moxxie, drawing a pentagram symbol on a wall. Perhaps a gateway to the human world?

Blitzo (yells at a shy imp): "You set fire to my fucking office in front of a goddamn client you dipshit, now someone please tell me that hocus pocus book is still intact?"

Loona (holding the Satanic book): "Our only ticket to the living world? Grabbed it."

Blitzo: "That's why you're my favorite, Loony! You get a treat."

Loona: "Ew. Stop."

Blitzo eats a treat with a happy look on his face. An imp in a dress stands in the background. Millie draws a pentagram on the wall.

Blitzo (to Loona) "Oh stop it, I get enough of that from my therapist. Now lets get to it, gang!"

They prepare to enter Earth.

Second clip: We are introduced to Loo-Loo Land, an apple-themed circus/amusement park. Loo-Loo is another term for sh*t or bathrooms, so a fitting name for one in Hell. Loo-Loo is a large creepy apple mascot who appears overly cheerful toward the imps and presumably Octavia, who's not impressed. Stolas then takes Blitzo to the rides. He can be seen in a themed outfit, with an apple on his shirt, sorts, and a balloon in his hand. Lucifer has a bar/land called Loo-Loo Land that the theme park is a bad spinoff of it.

Millie (both wear glasses): (Moxxie) "Come on, it's fun! You've never been here?" Moxxie: "No. Theme parks always disturb me. Especially (shakes) the mascots."

A creepy mascot dressed as a red apple appears behind them. He's a red apple with a missing tooth in a wide grin of teeth and one of the eyes hanging from string.

Loo-Loo (in a southern accent) "Well, hey there!"

Millie and Moxxie scream.

Loo-Loo: "I'm Loo-Loo! Welcome to Loo-Loo land!"

Stolas talks to his daughter Octavia by a dinosaur carousel.

Stolas: "Look, Via, it's Loo-Loo!"

Octavia is not impressed with the childish theme park and the lack of more modern rides and features.

Octavia (British accent): "I have a question."

Loo-Loo: Well ask away, little girlie! (Goofy laugh)"

Octavia: "Is it true that this theme park is really a shameless spin-off of Lucifer's more popular Loo-Loo World?" (Disneyland vs Disneyworld)

Loo-Loo: No."

Octavia: "This place reeks of insecure corporate shame."

Stolas: "Why don't we go check out the rides."

Third clip showed what appears to be a rival company to Immediate Murder Professionals. It's called CHERUB, consisting of flying singing sheep with halos and angel wings. It can be assumed that they come from Heaven. Do they save lives (like the alternate E.L.F. in Heavenuva Boss) or do they grant miracles while scamming people? One things for sure, they are super cute. Hmm...maybe they are part of brainwashed sheep who want to spread Heaven's culture so others can mindlessly follow it? Or maybe just as a way to bring down I.M.P. to prove that they can be the best demon killers around? Blitzo blows up a TV in frustration. Now I.M.P. has to find a way to save their company and stop their rivals.

Based on the song, they save people's lives on Earth! (Guess what Hazbins: I thought of the AU E.L.F. characters before this was cool!)

If there is a rival company in Heaven to I.M.P. in Hell, it can only mean one thing: a (Haven) hotel in Heaven may also exist. (Except it would be used to give angels freedom to cause trouble and sin/to be themselves in defiance to the strict rules.)

The sheep angels save people from a car accident, and lift up a rock from a crushed person. They do the work for free, as one of them denies money. With I.M.P. killing humans and C.H.E.R.U.B. saving people, it brings the world in balance. (Though poor sheep: too many people are dying from Covid 19.) Both of them do their part to influence the living world (strangely enough, the Hazbin Earth humans seem accepting of the random creatures who arrive and then leave.

C.H.E.R.U.B. saves people so they have a chance to go to Heaven. I.M.P. kills people for money so the humans wind up in Hell.

Christ's Heavenly Efficient Revivers Under Bless

Christ's Healing Employees Revive Unlimited Bodies

Creators Host Efficient Revival Under Belief

Creating Happy Earth Routines U Believe

Sheep/faun one female: "Luckily for you..."

Sheep two male: "There is something we can do..."

Both: "We can help you feel alive, so you can save some time!(waste and drive?)" (two sheep stand beside a baby angel and all smile)

"Cause here at C.H.E.R.U.B., we can save your honey butt from dying violently. " C.H.E.R.U.B. (R mark) "We never even ask a fee." "Because good people spread the love, "And we're here for all above. "We do the paperwork for you "And the heavy lifting too." (Female sheep is shown exhausted in a pile of paperwork and later shown lifting a boulder from a man.) Both sheep witness a dying man from a car accident and wipe the scene away. "So sit back and let us bless a soul... for you." (all three sing). "Oh we, are the C.H..."

Blitzo blows up the TV in anger.

Random names: The cherub is Blitzo's opposite, Millie and the female sheep and Moxxie and the male sheep.

Blitzo's name is German for lightning. Moxxie means aggressive energy. Millie means mild strength/industrious

Donner= German for thunder Jalen= peace Ardel = industrious

Theories based on the song: 1. Heaven has animal-like Zoophobia characters like Hell 2. C.H.E.R.U.B. saves lives while I.M.P. kills them, thus keeping the world in balance. 3. The cherub leader would be Blitzo's rival. Male sheep vs Moxxie, female sheep vs Millie 4. If I.M.P. had their way, everyone would be dead. If C.H.E.R.U.B. had their way, the earth would be overpopulated. 5. C.H.E.R.U.B. have access to Heaven and Earth. They probably use the Bible to access the living world. 6. C.H.E.R.U.B. would save anyone, even criminals. 7. C.H.E.R.U.B. might have another Loona counterpart. 8. Could I.M.P. and C.H.E.R.U.B. have access to all three realms?

Clip number four: Blitzo and Stolas talk in bed. Stolas goes under the covers and stares seductively at him. He gets the idea to take Blitzo to a Harvest Festival with him as a bodyguard. Blitzo gets suspicious, claiming he won't go if Stolas uses him for sex and his purposes. Soon, Blitzo decides to come along. Stolas then says "sorry about you leaving behind your clients," while Blitzo retorts "Oh fuck my clients!" Best line. Stolas' wife will not be happy when she hears of Stolas and Blitzo's relationship.

Stolas (smokes a cigarette): " It's shocking to it to be seen, Blitzy. My grimoire is incredibly vital. And it isn't supposed to be let out by little imps like yourself." He puts out his cigarette on Blitzo's horns and pinched his cheek. Blitzo sighs and shoves him off. Both appear to be topless.

Stolas: "The Harvest Moon is a very special occasion. It's been my annual duty to celebrate it in the Ring of Wrath. It's a charming little festival with games and music..."

Blitzo: "A wrath ring, huh? My employees are from there. Haven't really been, but it sounds like a place of imprints."

Stolas: "Oh! Why don't you all accompany me to the festival as our special guests?! I'll give you all... (goes under the covers and lies near Blitzo's privates. "...special access." (chuckles)

Blitzo: "Look I told you, we're not bodyguards, alright? It was a one time thing we did and guess what? We did it badly!"

Stolas stands up with the cover over his head.

Stolas: "I'm simply offering a fun work-free day of fun! I feel quite safe at the Harvest Festival. I go every year. Nothing has changed."

Blitzo: "Okay, look if you promise this is not some fuck-fest invite... it does sound like it could be fun. Alright, I'll run it by the others. It sounds like we can work without the book anyway."

Stolas: "I do hope to see you there. I'm sorry your clients will have to wait."

Blitzo: (waves his hand) "Oh fuck my clients!"

We are introduced to new characters: Loo-Loo the creepy apple mascot, the shy imp, owl princess Octavia, "Melodia" the queen, the CHERUB sheep and Robo-Fizz, a robotic jester demon colored black, yellow, white, and light pink-red. It can be assumed that he is red and black and dangerous in his true form. Could Hell's circus be one big conspiracy? Anything is possible in the inferno.

Thank you to all who supported Vivzie's charity and those who continue to show their love for the show and concern for what's going on in the world. Protests, Police, Pandemic, Personal Rights. I donated earlier and I do all I can to keep the fandom together, trying to tapper down the "shipping wars." I don't feel like a hero at all, but I feel good that I'm showing support.

My work is unknown in comparison to all the marvelous Charlastor fanfictions out there:

MuseValentine's "Smiling Man" Angelus19's "Taxidermist"

and many more.

Please don't forget to show support to Hazbin Madness and Radio Hazbin on YouTube. Some people may disagree with me on this, but I think those two voice actors and comic dubbers have better potential than Markapiler and JackdaSepticeye. Yes, the latter two may be famous and well-known, but in my opinion, only HalusaTwin and InSaiyans capture the uncasted Lucifer and Lilith so well. A king and queen of the fandom.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVkr2V_Y-sIzBH01AbPcufw

But don't fret. This fandom has given me ideas that keep skyrocketing through my head and into the world. I've made fanfictions since 2014 and have only made more after being exposed to DBZ and H.H. My long projects seem to take months to update but as long as I'm alive, inspired and have free time, I won't cease doing what I love. Indeed, Viv's words inspired me toward the end of the stream. She said to a person who donated a lot and the viewers to share their creativity with the world, as it can inspire others. Vivziepop is a role model for me, as are so many of my friends/content creators (artist Ady Laine, theorist BlueRaven666, musician Ashboyo, my close friend Sumera Paleema (DBZ artist) and many others.

Very soon, I'll be expanding upon my rewrites/remixes of Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss. Indeed, the future episodes may be closer than we think!

Stay safe out there and treat each other well.

-Kathy Prior 42

[twiceinadream]

Twice React- Omega! S/O Tells Them They’re Pregnant

Requested: Yup

Request: omegaverse twice’s s/o informing them that they are pregnant

a/u: I just want to say, these are pretty long in my opinion but I kinda got carried away, since I really wanted to write this prompt. But please enjoy and thank you!

Category: Fluff

Nayeon

“Oh my god, Y/N! We’re gonna have pups!”

It was pretty much set in stone, how much, Im Nayeon loved pups; and she always wished to sire her own. So when you told her the good news, she just wanted to tell the world. You waited a few days to be completely sure of the news, taking in a shaky breath as you sat beside your mate; handing over a bag in your hands, “What’s this? It’s not my birthday...please tell me it’s not our anniversary!” You laugh, shaking your head, “No, it’s not either of those. Just open the present.” Nayeon rolled her eyes, smiling, “What are you so excited about any…” Your mate was suddenly silent as she pulled out the present: a small bunny onesie. She looked at you then back at the onesie, tears forming in her eyes, “We’re gonna have pups. We’re gonna have pups!” Nayeon laughed as she scooped you into her arms, hugging you close, “I love you so much.” You melted into her embrace, kissing her cheek, “I love you so much, too.”

Jeongyeon

“Are you for real!?”

Pups = Messes. And, Yoo “The Clean Freak” Jeongyeon has never really taken a particular liking to them. But when you announced that you were pregnant, she couldn’t help but fall in love with the idea of pups (slightly). Waiting was honestly the hardest part, as you had everything set and yourself staged; all that was left was for your mate to come home from work. You scrolled impatiently through your phone, until you heard the door open; Jeongyeon’s cinnamon scent filling the air, “Y/N, I’m home!” You called back, “Hey, Jeongie! I’m in the living room, but can you check the oven for me?” The house became silent as your mate’s footsteps walk towards the kitchen, the creak of the oven following, “Y/N, there’s just a bun in the oven!” You bite back a laugh as you stood at the opening of the kitchen, Jeongyeon turning around in confusion, “I don’t get it. There’s just a bun in the...Oh my god! Are you pregnant!?” You laugh, as you nodded; Jeongyeon rushing over to place a kiss on your lips, “I’m such a pabo.” You held her close, “Nah, just a No-Jam.”

Momo

“Y/N, we’re gonna be parents!”

You and Momo were mates by choice; and soulmates by heart. So the two of you had always shared a special bond; a bond that would grow even tighter with the months to follow. You were reading the couch, when Momo suddenly dropped her head in front of yours; scaring the crap out of you, “Ahh! What? What’s wrong!?” Momo let out a laugh, as she took a seat in front of you, “Nothing. Sana and Mina were just asking if we wanted to go out for drinks.” You put down your book, “Sorry, I can’t go. I can’t drink, since I’m pregnant.” Momo nodded, “I under...What!?” You laugh, as Momo looks at you in shock, “Surprise!” Your mate’s mouth fell agape, “Y/N, this is amazing! We’re gonna be parents!” You smile harder as Momo brings you into a hug, “Looks like we’re about to have a change in plans.”

Sana

“We’re officially a family.”

Sana could sense from your last heat, something was different. But the announcement of your duo becoming a trio, was something she wasn’t expecting in the slightest. Sana sighed as she drove, you were in the passenger seat as she drove the both of you back home, “Hey, Jagi. Can I ask you something?” You look to your mate and nod, “Of course, Satang. What’s on your mind?” Sana bit her lip, “Do you ever want to become a family,” You gave her questioning look, “Like when we go to restaurants, it’s always a table for two: a couple. But if we go there with maybe a few pups of our own: we’re a family.” You smile to yourself, “If you can wait nine months, I think it will be worth your while.” Sana almost stops the car then and there, before she pulled onto the shoulder, throwing on the hazard lights, “Are you telling me, you’re pregnant?” You let out a light laugh, “Perhaps.” Sana couldn’t help but smile as she placed a hand on your stomach, tears already falling from her eyes, “I can’t believe it. We’re gonna be a family!”

Jihyo

“Wait. We actually did it!?”

With hectic schedules and crazy lives, you and Jihyo had always had the topic of pups in the back of your minds. But after several failed attempts, you had almost lost hope; until you saw the second line on the stick. You and Jihyo have always wanted pups, but it seemed fate had other plans; as the two of you had tried over and over, for your last six heats. But no matter what you tried, the stick always showed one solid red line. You wanted to lose faith in ever getting pups, until you looked down at the stick; blinking when you saw a second, faint red line. You took the test two more times, with the same result: you were pregnant. You quickly open the door to find Jihyo standing right outside, a hopeful look on her face. You look down as you hand her the three pregnancy tests, her eyes widening when she saw the result, “Did we really do it!?” You couldn't help but smile, “I mean, the tests don’t lie.” Jihyo laughed as she pulled you into a tight hug, spinning the two of you around, “I can’t believe it’s finally happening! We’re having a pup!”

Mina

“Y/N, this is amazing!”

You were each other’s rock. The person you both could count on, so when you told her there would be someone who would count on the both of you; she was beyond excited, for the journey of parenthood she would share with you. Mina had you pinned beneath her, as you brought you into a bruising kiss; her tongue already darting in your mouth, “I want you so bad.” Your mate growled against your ear, as a very tell-tale bulge formed at the front of her sweatpants, making you whimper slightly, “Minari.” You breathed out against her kisses, attempting to push her away, “Mina, we need to talk.” At your words the Japanese girl was off you in a flash, concern apparent in her eyes, “Did I do something wrong? Y/N, I’m sorry.” You shook your head, cupping her cheek, “No, you were great. It’s just, I don’t want to get, more pregnant.” She let your words sink in, “You’re pregnant!” You smile brightly, “Guilty as charged.” Mina couldn’t help the smile that formed on her lips, as she kissed you, “Jagi. This is gonna be, amazing!”

Dahyun

*Tears Of Joy*

Dahyun has always held a special place in her heart for you, and the future pups she wished the two of you could have. So when you told her, a lifelong dream of hers would be coming true; she couldn’t help but cry. You had taken the test nearly a week ago, and you were finally ready to tell your mate, Dahyun. It was early in the morning when you crept out of bed, careful to not wake your mate as you went to prepare breakfast; the food steaming as you carried it on a tray back to your guy’s shared room, Dahyun is on her phone, “Good morning, Dubu.” Dahyun smiled as she set down her phone, and fixed her glasses, “Good morning to you too, Y/N-ah. What’s all this?” You place the tray down in front of her, a small wrapped box catching her attention, “Just wanted to add a little something to my surprise,” You point to the box, “Go ahead and open it.” Dahyun carefully removed the wrapping paper as she opened the box, gasping when she pulled out a pair of: dinosaur booties. She was speechless as the tears began to fall as she pulled you into a hug, no words were said. Since none were needed.

Chaeyoung

“I’m a sire!”

Being on the tiny side for an Alpha; Chaeyoung had always been self-conscious about her rank. But when you told her the surprising news, she almost couldn’t believe her ears. You held the ultrasound picture close to your chest as you waited for Chaeyoung to come home. Pacing around the house, as you waited for your mate’s arrival, the sound of her car pulling into the driveway made you rush to the door. Chaeyoung’s face brightened almost instantly when she saw you, slipping off her shoes to kiss you, “Hey, Y/N-yah. I missed you.” You smile as you peck her lips, “I missed you too, Chae. But I have something important to show you.” Your tone grew serious as you handed her the picture backwards, you could see the worried look in Chaeyoung’s eyes as she turned over the photo. Her jaw falling slack, as she looked at the ultrasound then to you, “Is this real?” You nodded, “I had it done today.” Chaeng took one more look at the picture as she held back her tears, “I’m a sire!” She shouted, before pulling you into a tight hug.

Tzuyu

“When can we tell the others!?”

This tall, little angel loved you so much, and planned to share every aspect of her life with you. So when you told her that you were pregnant, Tzuyu could barely keep it to herself; she was so proud and excited. Time begins to run out and so is your patience. While Tzuyu was out with her friends. Trying your best to surprise her, with the help of Gucci. Struggling to get the small dog into the dog sweater which proudly stated in bold letters ’I’m going to be a big brother!’ Hearing the door open, you are quick to welcome her home. You pull her into your arms before you lean up to kiss her, her gaze falling onto Gucci. It takes a second for the words to click in her mind, as she pulls away from you, “Y/N, are you serious?” You nod, “Confirmed for a week.” Tzuyu honestly can’t believe what’s happening, she’s so happy all she can do it pepper you face in kisses; stopping as you pulls you against her, “I can’t wait to tell the girls.”

[hermannsthumb]

Sgdhbdjfkl ignore if u want but I love the idea of newt leaving inappropriate sticky note messages on Hermanns desk, and Hermann scrambling to hide them before someone sees

I LOVE IT TOO.....im writing this if you dont mind....i have a 15 pg paper to write that i really do not want to write. sfw up until like....the end....nothing happens besides kissin, only alluded to in note form, but....

It starts innocuously enough. Inconsequential, even. Newton is called away last-minute from the Shatterdome to see to outside business (confusion over sample shipments, a mix-up in addresses, somehow) and, in lieu of an email or text, Newton leaves Hermann a small sticky-note on his chalkboard explaining that he’ll be out for the day and Hermann should not expect him.

See you at dinner, he ends it. ❤ Newt

The small heart makes Hermann’s heart thud oddly in his chest; he finds an ancient lidless tea-tin jumbled in with Newton’s snacks and ramen packets in their small kitchenette, disposes of the single remaining teabag, and hides the note in the tin (and then the tin in his desk) for reasons he can’t quite bring himself to admit to.

(❤ Newt. Hermann likes the look of that heart.)

Newton continues leaving notes, and Herman’s hoard grows over the next few months: getting takeout at that place you like bringing you back dumplings ❤ newt, borrowed your coat will return it! ❤ newt, mess hall at 4? in deployment bay rn ❤ newt. All equally innocuous. All equally unimportant. But only the ones that end with that little scribbled heart, not the -newts, not the -ns, not the tiny doodled lizard in glasses and a tie. Only ❤.

“Can I borrow a pen?” Newt asks one day, shaking and frowning at his own. “Mine’s dead.”

It’s paperwork day, specifically supply request day--Hermann’s filling out forms for the usual (chalk, instant coffee, graph paper), Newton’s trying his (poor) luck at an espresso machine and a toaster oven once more--so Hermann is mildly distracted when he grunts out his consent. “Desk.”

Newton crouches down next to him and selects a drawer at random; Hermann realizes his mistake a moment too late when Newton suddenly whistles and says “Dude.”

He’s holding out the tea tin. Hermann’s folded all of Newton’s notes, but even without Newton’s handwriting being visible, there’s no mistaking what they are: Newton’s personal use sticky notes are lime green and shaped like small dinosaurs. Hermann drops his pen and makes a grab for the tin, blanching horribly, but Newton dodges him and brandishes one of the notes in his face. ❤ Newt. “Dude!” Newton repeats. “You saved all these?”

“Er,” Hermann says. His face burns

“Why?” Newton says. He’s started picking through them. He’s sure to notice soon, that Hermann’s only saved the ones bearing Newton’s--well--love sounds pathetic. Affection, maybe. “They’re just...” He shrugs and grins at Hermann, a little bewildered.

“Give them back,” Hermann says, desperation obvious, and swiping for them again unsuccessfully. “Newton, please, give them back to me now.”

Newton’s finished going through them all. He stares up at Hermann, expression unreadable. His grin’s faded. “Hermann,” he says, the last one he’d posted up--will clean dirty dishes tomorrow dw!!!!! ❤ newt--clenched tight in his fist. “These--do you--?”

(You’re the one who signed the bloody hearts in the first place, Hermann wants to say.) He opens his mouth to speak. To think of some excuse.

Newton pulls him down by the lapels of his blazer and kisses him.

The notes migrate to other places in the lab, after that, become far more personal. your hair is getting long, Newton sticks in a container of chalk, it’s really cute. i like that sweater on his mug. let me take you out on friday? 9? on more paperwork. One afternoon, just a doodle of them kissing stuck to the tray of lunch Newton leaves on his desk. Newton drops the ❤ newt, but Hermann stashes them all in the little tin anyway. (Newton watches from afar with a sweet, dopey smile on his face each time, one Hermann’s certain he doesn’t know Hermann can see.)

Then they get less innocuous.

stop by my room later ;)))) posted to the uppermost part of the chalkboard. Graphic descriptions of just how much Newton enjoyed himself during their (wildly successfully) liaison the morning after. An appreciative comment on how Hermann’s trousers cling to his front today, exactly what Newton is fantasizing about at any given moment (dropping to his knees in front of the chalkboard, criminally misusing the emergency shower, spreading himself out over Hermann’s desk, spreading Hermann out over Hermann’s desk, exactly how he’d like to take Hermann apart with his tongue and two single fingers), a list of suggestions for what Hermann can do with Newton’s tie, speculations as to whether or not anyone’s seen Newton’s latest hickeys/limp/bruises and has discerned exactly what he and Hermann get up to after hours (everyone would be so jealous if they knew what a beast you are in the sack). Today’s is particularly graphic, and pasted dead-center on his desk, too: when we’re finished today i’m going to ride you and then flip you over and--

“Dr. Gottlieb?” a j-tech says, and Hermann snaps straight up.

“Yes?” he says, hoping his blush isn’t too obvious.

The j-tech had been lingering in the doorway for God-knows how long, but now he hurries forward, a clipboard in hand. “I was hoping you could look over some of these stats for us,” he says, and Hermann pushes his glasses up and nods, red-faced and flustered. An hour until he can go home to Newton--who’s left the lab suspiciously early--and Newton can make good on his promises. An hour, an hour--he’s scanning through the sheets, half-distracted by thoughts of Newton (what is Newton doing now? readying himself for Hermann? showering? undressing? touching himself impatiently, thinking of Hermann, waiting for Hermann, breathing out Hermann’s name softly, sweetly into his pillow), when he realizes he’s forgotten to cover up Newton’s note. One single glance to the left, and the j-tech is suddenly privy to Hermann’s entire, newly discovered, sex life.

Put simply: Hermann panics.

“I’m--er--very sorry about the mess,” Hermann says, once he finishes mopping up what he can from the poor charts with his handkerchief. He supposes he could’ve just slid his elbow over and covered up the note, but in the heat of the moment, upending an ancient and stagnant mug of coffee across his desk seemed like the most reasonable course of action. (The note is entirely unreadable now, as are most of the data the j-tech wanted his opinion on.) “Truly. Er. Muscle spasms. Very hard to control. Had them since--childhood.”

“Uh. No sweat, Doctor,” the j-tech says, taking back the soaked papers with a look of mild disgust. “I’ll just...reprint them and come back later?”

“Lovely,” Hermann says, and gives the man a curt nod. He fumbles around for his cane. “I’ll be going now. Please excuse me. I have--business to attend to.”

He hightails it out of there, but not fast enough to miss the j-tech call “Tell Dr. Geiszler I say hi!” after him, to Hermann’s sheer and utter mortification.

Newton’s on him the moment Hermann falls into his bed, though he’s tragically in pajamas and not nude as Hermann’d been hoping. (Nevertheless, in spite of the fabric barriers, Hermann wraps fingers around Newton’s pleasing rear-end and love handles anyway.) “Did you like my note?” Newton says in his ear, between teasing, biting kisses to his neck.

“You have a way with words,” Hermann says.

[emeraldwaves]

Title:  Tee Time Pairing:  KuroTsuki Rating: G Word Count:  3,572 Read on Ao3 Summary: When Kuroo and Tsukishima fight about trivial things, there is only one way to solve their problems.

For @its-love-u-asshole because she’s the best and deserves all the fluffy Kurotsuki!!! Thanks to @liziscribbles for betaing this!

The tension was palpable, angry sparks zapping through the air.

"I'm telling you," Kuroo insisted.

"You can tell me all your want, doesn't mean I'll listen," Tsukishima was quick to retort.

Kuroo wished he could remember exactly how they had gotten to this place. It was rare for Kuroo to find himself fighting with his boyfriend.

He couldn't pinpoint when it got so intense, but it most likely started when Tsukishima pulled out The Good Dinosaur and declared it to be the best Pixar movie.

"The... Good Dinosaur..." Kuroo sputtered. Did anyone else even remember that film existed? "Babe... I think your bias is showing..."

Look, it was on brand for Tsukishima, Kuroo could agree with that for sure. But...

"No, it has nothing to do with my... appreciation for dinosaurs."

Kuroo raised an eyebrow, clearly finding that difficult to believe. Tsukishima simply clicked his tongue. "Okay, that is a small part of it... " He rolled his eyes. "Okay then, what is the best Pixar movie in your opinion? I swear if you tell me Cars, we're getting a divorce."

"Pfft! No, not that! It's Toy Story. The trilogy is amazing and wraps up nicely!" Kuroo nodded sagely. It was the obvious right answer, even with the uncertainty of Toy Story 4 looming on the horizon. "Plus, there's a dinosaur in it, so that can satisfy your dino needs."

Tsukishima's face fell. "Eh, Toy Story? It's okay, I guess."

"Okay?! Just okay?!"

Kuroo decided that response was far worse than anyone saying Cars was their favorite Pixar movie.

And so now, here they were, arguing.

"Babe," Kuroo urged. "It's okay to be wrong."

"Are you giving yourself a pep talk?" Tsukishima snorted, folding his arms over his chest.

Kuroo sighed, tilting his head back and forth. "Well... it seems we've come to an impasse."

"Mmm..." Tsukishima nodded, turning towards the window to check the weather. It was a nice enough day for it...

Yes, it was rare that Kuroo found himself fighting with his boyfriend, but when they did fight, there was only one good way to solve their problems...

"Two for a round of mini-golf please," Kuroo smirked, slamming his money on the kiosk desk and looking up at Terushima Yuuji.

The idiot had been working at the mini-golf course for the past few months, but not because he wanted or needed a job. Currently, he was being punished for diving into the mini-golf pond when he missed a hole-in-one on the final hole. It had been funny at the time, but Terushima certainly wasn't laughing now. Not when he was forced to dress in the stuffy Putt-Putt Castle green polo shirt, and deal with dumbasses like Kuroo and Tsukishima.

However, he still regretted not finishing first in that epic game. He would beat Futakuchi one of these days. He swore on the ugly green polo shirt, or so he declared passionately to Kuroo when he was drunk one night.

Currently however Terushima was trapped in the kiosk, staring at the two guys in front of him. He raised his eyebrow. "So, what did you two dorkwads fight about this time?"

Terushima was more than familiar with how Kuroo and Tsukishima worked. They would fight about something fairly inconsequential (because when did they ever fight about something real), and then they would show up to play a round of mini-golf to determine who was correct in the fight.

It wasn't a very sound solution and usually resulted in one them being disgruntled for the rest of the night, until they started making out and all would eventually be forgotten. The road to the make out session was long, yes, but hey, they had fun along the way.

"This beautiful idiot seems to think The Good Dinosaur is the best Pixar movie of all time." Kuroo snorted, gesturing to his less than happy boyfriend.

Terushima folded his arms. "Wait... what movie is that? I don't think I even saw it."

"'Course you didn't," Tsukishima clicked his tongue. He sighed heavily, as if explaining this movie to Terushima was the biggest burden the blond ever faced. "It's the movie about the dinosaur-"

"I mean, I assumed! Is he good too?" Terushima smirked, leaning over the counter of the kiosk.

"You know what-"

"Okay, okay, I'll try and check it out! What did Kuroo say his favorite was?"

"Toy Story. The correct answer," Kuroo insisted.

"Okay, so, you're both wrong. Up is obviously the best Pixar movie-"

Kuroo rolled his eyes. "Wrong."

"Basic," Tsukishima clicked his tongue.

Of course, Terushima would like Up. In fact, he probably cried like a baby in Futakuchi's arms at the beginning of the movie, and Terushima probably quoted Dug's 'I have just met you and I love you' line to Futakuchi on a regular basis.

"Hey, at least I didn't say Cars," Terushima muttered.

"Fair enough," Tsukishima nodded. It was good they could all agree about one thing at least. What self-respecting person over the age of ten would actually say Cars is their favorite Pixar movie?

"Can you just give us the clubs man?" Kuroo asked, leaning against the kiosk.

"I mean, you are holding up the line," Terushima said, glancing to the empty spots behind Kuroo and Tsukishima. He reached behind him and pulled out the tallest golf clubs they had (which were still pretty short). "Here you go. What color balls you want?"

"Heh," Kuroo smirked but Tsukishima nudged him.

"Orange," he said.

"Red for me!" Kuroo reached forward to grab the red ball off the counter and they started on the path.

"Good luck!" Terushima called out. "I hope you have fun watching The Good Dinosaur later!"

"Hey! I have the power of god and Toy Story on my side! To infinity and beyond!" Kuroo called out, zooming towards the first hole. He didn't need to look at his boyfriend to know his face was probably bright red.

Putt-Putt Castle was what one would expect from a mini-golf course. It was medieval themed, so of course, one hole had a castle, one had a windmill, there were scattered decorations of knights, horses, and princesses, and one hole even had what was now a deformed wizard after someone threw their golf club right through the dude's head. Kuroo was happy he missed witnessing that.

There was a large pond in the middle and the course looped around it. It led up to a tall waterfall and there was one hole that hooked around the water and led them back down to the beginning of the course.

They both knew the course by heart.

In fact, they shared their first kiss up by the waterfall. There was a small lookout point on at the top hole. It overlooked the small pond and water fountain. During one of their spats, Kuroo took Tsukishima over there and kissed him. He couldn't really remember why they were arguing at the time (that was usually how these mini-golf challenges went) but he did remember how beautiful Tsukishima pale skin looked in the moonlight that night, the glowing lights on the waterfall reflecting off his skin.

Even now, with his angry, furrowed brow, Tsukishima looked beautiful. Unfair.

"Should we flip to see who goes first?" Kuroo asked and Tsukishima nodded, pulling a coin from his pocket.

"I call tails," he said, and flipped it up, letting the coin land on the ground. Heads.

"Oh, ho, ho look who's off to a good start!" Kuroo smirked, leaning forward on his golf club.

"You say that every time and then you end up losing," Tsukishima scoffed.

"Listen, sometimes, I can't stand looking at your beautiful face pouting all the time, so I let you win." He wiggled his butt and placed his red ball on the green, getting ready to aim.

"Sure. I'm sure that's what it is," the blond snorted, looking at him in disbelief.

The first hole was simple. Probably to help little kids think they could handle this course no problem. It wasn't exactly challenging, but there were a few evil holes.

"You ready for this expert putt?" Kuroo asked.

"Please, go ahead," Tsukishima said, pressing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"There's a way to putt perfectly, Kei," he smirked, tapping the putter against the ground.

"Enlighten me," he muttered, voice falling flat.

"First, you gotta really line everything up." Kuroo held the putter up and aimed the handle directly towards the hole. "Then you gotta imagine the curve of the ball from where you hit it. It's all geometry babe."

"Right," Tsukishima snorted.

"Here goes," he said. He drew back the putter and tapped it forward, so the ball curved slightly to the right. The landed towards the back of the hole, pressed against one of the bricks. Of course, he missed the hole completely, but Kuroo shrugged his shoulders back. "Tada."

"What is 'tada'?" Tsukishima asked, raising his eyebrow.

"This is exactly what I planned!" Kuroo said, walking down the course to stand by the ball.

"It is? You planned to have it close to the wall?" he asked, a playful lilt in his voice.

"Uh huh! This spot is optimal for putting!"

"Yes, next to the wall," Tsukishima nodded, his eyebrow quirked. He leaned down, placing down the orange ball on the green. Tsukishima glanced at the hole and gently moved the putter back, tapping the ball down the course. It rolled mostly straight, though it curved, ending just a few inches away from the hole.

"Nice try," Kuroo smirked, shooting finger guns at him.

Tsukishima walked up to his ball and stared flatly at Kuroo while he gently tapped it in. "At least I'm not next to the wall."

In the end, Kuroo got a three while Tsukishima walked away with a two.

The first few holes were mostly simple, and Kuroo and Tsukishima stayed close in score. On hole two, Kuroo scored a two and Tsukishima scored a three, but later on they both scored two and then Tsukishima pulled ahead when Kuroo accidentally hit his ball into a tiny sand trap.

Though Kuroo noticed Tsukishima did seem quieter than normal. Even when they fought, mini-golf always cheered them up. However, Tsukishima didn't even seem to care about Kuroo's competitive quips.

Then came hole number seven, the three-hole hole. It was famous for being cursed, since the three holes which ultimately led to the final hole were unpredictable. For awhile, everyone believed if one were to hit it down the left hole, it would guarantee an automatic hole-in-one. However, that theory was quickly debunked a few games later when hitting it to the left actually got the ball the furthest away from the final hole.

Kuroo was convinced it changed on a daily basis, but it was probably more about the angle and velocity at which he hit his ball. Why ruin magic with math?

"I wonder which one is special today..." Kuroo tapped his chin.

"Who knows," Tsukishima shrugged. "But you're going first, so test one out for me."

"What!?" Kuroo blinked. "Maybe I won't tell you where the ball lands," he snorted.

"I'll go look myself then."

Kuroo twisted his lips, frowning at his boyfriend. If Tsukishima won this, it meant he would have to sit and actually watch The Good Dinosaur again. Of course, getting to see Tsukishima looking all cute and happy while they watched the movie would probably make it worth it, but Kuroo's pride was also on the line.

He placed the ball down and decided to aim towards the right. With Kuroo's horrid luck, the ball bounced against a tiny pebble he must not have seen and awkwardly swerved towards the middle hole. It went down the tube and eventually spit back out on the other side.

Kuroo dashed towards the other side side of the green, watching as his ball rolled out of the middle hole and down towards the main hole. Kuroo's eyes widened as the ball stopped right before the hole, just an inch away. "Dammit!" he yelled and suddenly Tsukishima was peering over his shoulder.

"Seems the middle is good today."

"Oi!" Kuroo snorted. "If you knock my ball away... we will get that divorce."

"Sure," Tsukishima shrugged at the very empty threat.

Gently he tapped his ball forward, watching as it rolled down the middle slot. He walked casually forward, watching as it pressed against Kuroo's ball.

"Aw babe," Kuroo said, leaning towards Tsukishima. "Our balls are kissing-"

Tsukishima immediately pushed Kuroo's face out of the way as he tapped his ball in, not touching Kuroo's.

"Well," Kuroo frowned, hitting his own in immediately afterwards. "At least you didn't ruin my shot."

Tsukishima scoffed. "Of course not. I'm playing fair," he smirked, "and winning." He grabbed the score card from Kuroo to enter their numbers.

"For now," Kuroo smirked, climbing up the stairs towards the next hole.

They began to climb the stairs to head up to the tall waterfall hole. Hole number thirteen. Though Kuroo honestly considered it to be a lucky hole, since he usually got to steal a kiss or two up there, especially if the place wasn't busy.

At the top, Kuroo immediately bounded over to the lookout point. "C'mon Kei! C'mere!" he smiled and held his hand out to him.

Tsukishima frowned. "I'm winning. I want to keep winning. Stop trying to distract me."

"Eh!?" Kuroo pouted. Normally Tsukishima would always let Kuroo kiss him here, but today he didn't seem to be in the mood.

Maybe he was more upset than Kuroo realized.

"It's your turn," Tsukishima said, and Kuroo blinked, nodding as he stepped over to the course. He placed his ball down and smirked as he tapped it, letting it roll down the long hill. If anyone got a hole-in-one on this course, they won 5 bucks and a free game of mini-golf. It was rare that it ever happened, though once Kuroo's uncle had won. He gave it to Kuroo instead.

He turned towards Tsukishima, a playful glint in his eye. He wanted him to have fun, even if this had all come about because of a silly fight.

Dashing down the hill, he ran down the green instead of taking the stairs. As a kid, he always did this, but as an adult, well... he still usually did. He laughed when he got the to bottom, looking at how both of their balls seemed to be far from the hole.

"Neither of us were close. I really could've used that free game!" Kuroo said, he said, snapping his fingers.

"I think you can afford mini-golf," Tsukishima said, walking down the steps.

Something didn't feel right, and Kuroo was determined to get to the bottom of it. "Hey... Kei... are you okay? You seem... I dunno... actually mad?"

"Hm..." Tsukishima muttered, tapping his putter against the ground. "I'm not mad."

"Yeah, right," Kuroo snorted. He slowly stepped forward, taking Tsukishima's hands in his own. "Look, I think I know you well enough by now to know something isn't right. I mean even when we have these silly fights, we both have fun doing this. This is the best part of our 'arguments!'"

A small smiled appeared on Tsukishima's face. "Yeah... it is the best part. Especially when you're losing like this."

"Hey! Shut up! Don't change the subject! Are you really upset that I teased you about The Good Dinosaur?"

Tsukishima immediately looked down, shrugged his shoulder, and retreated into himself, like when he was dealing with something too painful to admit. He'd gotten much better at speaking his mind, but sometimes...

"Kei..." Kuroo whispered, cupping his cheeks. He turned the blond's face to meet his, staring into his golden eyes. "I love you... and no matter what you say, I'm not going to actually judge you or anything. I'm never serious about teasing you when it comes to things that are important to you."

"The more I thought about you hating it the more... frustrated I got," he admitted finally.

"First off, I don't hate it, and second off, why? You never care when I don't like something. I mean we have these... joke arguments but..."

"I know but..." he trailed off. Tsukishima's cheeks flushed, his face bright red. He bit down on his lip and sighed. "In... The Good Dinosaur... the two main characters, Arlo and Spot don't have to talk to connect. They find comfort in each other, despite being... so different. And that's how... I feel about you. You make me feel comfortable... you remind me of... family."

Kuroo immediately pressed his lips against Tsukishima's; he couldn't help it. Of course Tsukishima would feel upset about Kuroo not realizing how this movie could relate to Tsukishima's own feelings! It was personal; it held more depth than other movies they had fought about.

Kuroo brushed his thumbs over Tsukishima's pale cheeks, and held him so close, not caring they were practically making out on the mini-golf course.

"Also..." Tsukishima breathed. "I really do like dinosaurs."

Kuroo chuckled softly, pressing his forehead to Tsukishima's. "I know you do, Kei."

Kuroo didn't want to pull back, but they did have a mini-golf game to finish. "How about no matter who wins, we go home and watch The Good Dinosaur?"

Tsukishima smirked. "Maybe we could watch Toy Story after it."

"I sure as hell wouldn't mind that! But first, I gotta kick your ass," he smirked.

"In your dreams," Tsukishima said, moving away from him to tap the ball in one more time.

Things began to feel normal as they made their way through the back nine. Kuroo was happy to see Tsukishima cheering up, back to his competitively playful self. Of course the final, eighteenth hole, loomed on the horizon.

The spinning arms of the windmill slowly rotated. It was next to impossible to get a hole-in-one on the final hole, since the spinning arms usually hit the ball back, blocking it from getting it in on the first try.

Kuroo and Tsukishima were tied now, and Kuroo supposed ending things on a tie would make sense, since they already agreed to watch both movies.

"Alright, time to meet my end," Kuroo muttered, letting the ball drop on the course. It bounced once and he stopped it with his foot. His technique of holding the putter up and aiming carefully had now been replaced by a much faster technique of whacking the ball and hoping it went somewhere.

He slammed his putter against the red ball, watching as it hit the windmill, rolling immediately back to him. "Dammit!" he cursed and behind him he heard Tsukishima snicker. "Don't laugh! You're gonna have to do this in a minute!"

"Mhm..." Tsukishima snorted again.

Kuroo hit at the ball a few more times before he finally slipped by one of the arms, hearing the red ball clatter as it returned to the main kiosk. "Hah! Only took 4 tries! Good luck," he smirked.

Tsukishima slowly leaned down to place his ball at the edge of the green. (Kuroo would've been lying if he said he didn't check out Tsukishima's ass every time). He adjusted his stance and watched as the windmill moved around and around, very intent on watching the rotation.

Finally he nodded his head and swung, his ball passing by and down into the slot. A hole-in-one! "I beat you," he smirked, leaning on his club.

Kuroo's eyes were wide. "Absolute... mad lad!" he breathed, cheering as he ran over to Tsukishima. He wrapped his arms around him and kissed his cheek. "I can't even be mad because you just defeated the 18th hole windmill and holy shit, I... am so proud!" he said, pretending to wipe a tear away.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue, a smile pulling across his lips. "C'mon... let's get out of here," he chuckled, tugging his overly-excited boyfriend back to where Terushima looked bored out of his mind in the kiosk.

"So... who won?" he asked.

"Kei!" Kuroo said, slinging his arm around Tsukishima's neck. "But... we decided to watch both movies anyway." He kissed Tsukishima's cheek.

"And you're both disgusting again," Terushima snorted, taking the golf clubs back from them. "I'm supposed to tell you it's half-off if you play a second round, but I have a feeling you're just gonna go home."

"Yeah," Tsukishima said, a small smile on his lips. "I think we're good. See you."

"You're just saying that cause you won!" Kuroo snorted, waving goodbye to Terushima as they walked back towards the parking. Really he was happy to go home. Mini-golf was always fun, but spending quality time snuggled up to Tsukishima on their couch was his favorite thing.

"You didn't actually think you were going to win?" Tsukishima asked.

Kuroo could only shrug. "I dunno, maybe this was gonna be my time to shine."

"I'll let you believe that," Tsukishima said.

"Aren't I lucky?" Kuroo chuckled, nuzzling his cheek.

"You're embarrassing, that's for sure," Tsukishima snorted, pushing his face away. "But... I guess that's what happens when you're family..." he muttered, lacing their hands together, holding them behind his back.

"I love you, Kei. And I'm ready to watch dinosaur movies all night."

Tsukishima's eyes widened. "Does this mean we can watch The Land Before Time too?"

"Hell yes!" Kuroo smirked.

Honestly, if it meant something to Tsukishima and made him smile, Kuroo would've watched any movie he wanted.

[table-top-romulan-playing-games]

Movies I have seen so far in 2018

A few of these arent new movies, just ones ive watched for the first time in 2018. I felt like doing this cuz I really love watching movies and felt that it might be a good version of those "good things" jars, but instead it's movies I saw. Some reviews are short, mostly cuz I didnt really have much in the way of opinions, but I did have something to say.

Just incase you havent seen them. I have tried to keep them spoiler free, but if you dont want even vague non spoiler spoilers, the list of movies is as follows; 

The Grand Budapest; The greatest showman; Jumanji: out of the jungle, King Arthur: legend of the sword, The Black Panther, Shape of water, Thor Ragnarok, the Emoji Movie, the Good Dinosaur, Jurassic world, Incredibles 2, Hotel Transylvania 3, Ant-man, A Wrinkle in Time, Lara croft: tomb raider, Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2, Spider-man homecoming, Ant-Man and the Wasp, Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged), Captain America civil war, Avengers Infinty War, Deadpool 2016, King Arthur the one with kiera knightly, Deadpool 2, The Nutcracker, four realms, Venom, Love, Simon, Ready player one, Aquaman, Solo, a star wars story, Ghost stories (2018), Wreck it Ralph, Ralph breaks the internet, Goosebumps 2, Hidden figures, The meg, Pacific Rim, Pacific rim uprising, Wrath of the Titans, Mission impossible: fallout,Oceans 8, The Breadwinner, Mune, Operation Finale, The House With A Clock In Its Walls, Bad times at the El Royale, Outlaw king, Gnome alone, Journey to the center of the earth, Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy, Vvitch, Ex machina, To all the boys ive loved before, Extraordinary Tales, The Golden Compass, Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil, Dragon heart, The black klansman, Robin Hood 2018, The Princess of Thieves, First Man, Bohemian Rhapsody, What we do in the Shadows, Overlord, For the Love of Spock, Next Gen, Small Foot, The Spy who Dumped Me, The Nun, Kin, Crazy Rich Asians, Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse, A simple favor, Predator 2018, Rampage, 47 meters down, 2036 Origin Unknown, 2001 A Space Oddessey, The Martian

The grand Budapest hotel - good, great visuals. I enjoyed it.

The greatest showman - wonderful music, actual circus parts were good, the rest was boring. Its really short, and I felt it focused to much on the drama in pt barnums life, too much focus on a silly fuax love triangle, not enough on the acts themselves. I went in hoping to see the acts interact and actually be presented as the forefront. The beginning showed this magnificent scene with the acts, with this wonderful musical number that made me tear up. But then, it was just about Barnum and his kids being boring most of the time. The songs and musical scenes though? Absolutely wonderful, magnificent, stunning, and entertaining. Zendayas and Zac efrons characters duets? Beautiful, I loved the song and choreography. I just feel like the emphasis should have been on the circus itself. Hugh jackman. Needs. To. Do. More. Musicals.

Jumanji: out of the jungle - hilarious omg I laughed my ass off!

King Arthur: legend of the sword: wtf was this movie bro? I mean. I have a new song in my cars playlist, but wtf.

The Black Panther - IT WAS SO COOL! I loved the visuals and the storyline. Shuri is my favorite genius and I can’t wait for more Black Panther

Shape of water: absolutely beautiful omg

Thor Ragnarok: you mean that was the actual movie, that tumblr wasn’t just fuckin with me, like, those were real ass scenes that were filmed?

the Emoji Movie: bad, forgettable, literally did not remember watching it till a friend asked me.

the Good Dinosaur: literally a children's movie, idek why I watched it tbh

Jurassic world: THE HUBRIS OF MAN! THE INDO RAPTOR! BLUE! They made... An indoraptor. Not just any raptor, oh no, that's not enough for the hubris of man, its an indoraptor. What's an indoraptor you may ask? Well it's when you mix a raptor, with the indominous rex DNA. But Cotie, didn't the indominous rex already have raptor DNA? Wasnt that the whole thing that it was a t-rex with raptor DNA? Yes, yes it was. But this one is different, it's smaller, it's smarter, it made to obey commands like a war machine, it's the I N D O R A P T O R! So it's just a super powered velociraptor? Yes, yes it is. So what makes it special? THE HUBRIS BEHIND IT!

Incredibles 2: awesome! I loved it! Those flashing scenes really were no joke though. I don't have epilepsy, but damn those scenes were hard to look at. But I absolutely love the fact that edna babysat jack jack for a night, and gave him a super babysuit. I hope we get to see more of the other superheroes helping out the incredibles!

Hotel Transylvania 3: it was a good movie. Its the only Adam Sandler movie series I can stand, but it was a decent movie. I like the introduction of the van helsing family, and the whole premise. Plus I love the message that its possible to fall in love again.

Ant-man: "in like the Flynn" niiiiiiiiice Tangled ref! "ANT-THONY!!!!" Ok that was a fun and hilarious movie. I fucking love the three wombats, especially Luis omg. Also I love Scott lang relationship with his daughter and that he was the driving force behind his motivation. Also not gonna lie, I kinda watched this one so I could go see Ant-man and the Wasp, but I liked this one too.

A Wrinkle in Time: FUCK ITUNES NOT WANTING TO WORK DURING THIS MOVIE! ok but Chris Pine as a Dad? Awesome. "Happy anniversary, if only you'd dissapear too" wow, these high school preps are viscous. Also I love the little kid calling out grown ups for being pieces of shits. Also this movie was adorable and heart felt and I loved the mix of fantasy and science that made it a science fantasy movie omg.

Lara croft: tomb raider: ok but the girl who kicked Lara crofts butt in the beginning has me gay as Fuck man. "OPEN IT! OPEN IT! OPEN IT!" OK calm down Nicolas cage.

Guardians of the Galaxy volume 2: omg that was indeed another real marvel movie I had just seen. I can't believe the stooges are a space family that just, does stupid things. I love them all. 

We gonna start some parralels; a wrinkle in time - a movie about two siblings trying to find their dad who has been lost for 4 years. They get him back through the power of love; Lara Croft: Tomb Raider - a daughter finds some adverturing stuff to lead her to her father who had been missing for 7 years. Tries to get him back by killing men. Doesn't, and then kills more men; Gaurdians of the Galaxy volume 2: a boy finds his father after 34 years, but turns out he is a huge fucking jerk, also finds that Mary poppins was his dad after all, but then both Mary poppins and jerk dad died, with varying degrees of mourning from Boy.

Spider-man homecoming: omg so many second hand embarrassment scenes but it was so good! I laughed my ass off at the ending omg tony no. But also, that awkward moment when ur dates dad threatens your life and he actually meant it...

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Dude. Duuuuuuude that end credit scene. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude. That movie was just as hilarious as the first ant-man movie omg! It was fun and incredibal and I'm so happy the 3 combats were there. I was losing my shit over the baba yaga stuff!

Avengers age of ultron (semi live blogged): god, I'm 9 minutes in and I hate this movie... 13 minutes in an ur telling me this could've been avoided if marvel hadnt turned two Romani (from what I remember of mutant canon) characters into, not only human expirements instead of mutants, but voluntary hydra agents. -sighhhh-... 20 minutes in and why, why Tony, just... Tell the team, why do we gotta have lazy 'i dont wanna communicate' writing bullshit...Jarrrrrviiiiissssss my boy T.T... Did they really just try to make dissimising female characters and using their achievements as a sort of 'my horse is bigger than yours' as quality character writing? God this Bruce/Nat romance is so forced... Oh no, Ultron fucking appeared, why does he sound like a bad Tony stark impression? Ultron is fucking annoying... Fuck man, the plot with the twins have arrived, and I hate it... -mentions Wakanda- thanks for reminding of a better movie I could be watching... God, the acting is either way too dry, or way too ham... Wow... Clint is... The most mature person in the movie... Wow, the scene where Nat reveals she is infertile, is worse than I thought it would be, and I knew it would be awful... Hour and a half in, still bad... Though ultron is now acting like a c h i l d... Oh no, now we creating Ultron 2.0 this time its Jarvis... Please discuss it with the team, pleeeease... Annnnnnnd U didn't... Fuck... I'm so tired, 1 hour and 31 minutes and the team is fighting... Thor coming in for the jarvis Saaaave! Yassss vision with the worthy of the hammer! Okay the battle scene with ultron was pretty cool. Still dont like the movie over all.

Captain America civil war: not as much fighting as advertised. Too much 'we arent going to sit down and communicate' trope. Honestly I was too bored and tired to really actually pay attention to closely... All I got from it is the russos need to learn what a get along shirt is and be better film makers.

Avengers Infinty War: wtf, what the fuck, was that. That was some fuck right there. You are telling me thanos was really able to get the soul stone like That? And the mind stone like That? And all that other bull shit? Y'all Russo better be ready to have thanos ass kick in the next avengers movie. But damn that was some shit that happened.

Deadpool 2016: I loved every bit of the movie omg, it was everything I hoped for out of a deadpool movie.

King Arthur the one with kiera knightly: That uh, sure was a King Arthur movie? Way less weird than King Arthur Legend of the sword. Merlin didnt cast magic, and arthur was a Roman, but guinevere is a kick ass archer, soooo acceptable...

Deadpool 2: THAT WAS FUCKIN HILARIOUS I LOVE DEADPOOL SO MUCH! god I love this movie, I would die for dominoe.

The Nutcracker, four realms: such a cute af movie omggggggggggggg. I loved Captain Phillip the nutcracker soldier and the gold highlight they put on his lips 💓

Venom: listen. I did no t see this film for quality. I saw it for the symbi ote ok. Ok. I lov it. But blease for the love of god.... Y.... Did...... The......... Symbiote........ Take the shape of a sexy comic book lady..... When........ The same sexyness could have been achieved by letting the symbiote be big beefy orc like lady....

Love, Simon: I'm not one for these films... I dont like these films... They are teary eyed wholesome cake frosting that make my cold gay heart sick... That being said... I relate, I relate so much... Also... If I was in simons shoes and the blackmailing weasle Martin outed me? They would still be scraping him off the pavement... That is all.

Ready player one: it wasn’t as bad as some of the things i heard about it on tumblr, but its not one I will watch again.

Aquaman: "show off, heh, I could've just pee'd on it" is the exact quality line I want out of my films. Also that was soooooooo awesome! I loved it! More Aquaman!

Solo, a star wars story: Not bad, but not great, it kept on plot really well, not memorable but I won’t knock it. I still say the actor playing Han Solo looks photoshopped and not real.

Ghost stories (2018): awful... It was slow and boring, and I didnt like it... I rented it through itunes and it glitched part of the way through and I stopped being able to see the picture. Even after I got it working again I still didnt like it... Though I did like the message of "dont be a bystander", but the whole this was boriiiiiinnnnnnnggggggggggg.

Wreck it Ralph: okay, technically I caught the beginning like 4 or 5 years ago, but I finally actually watched it and it wasnt bad. Will go see the sequel.

Ralph breaks the internet: WAYYYYYY better than the emoji movie, also, I really loved the princesses scene, the bright colors, and following Venelope through the internet... Also.... Ralph........ WTF..................... Also............................. that Stan Lee cameo.................................... Heartbreaking............

Goosebumps 2: Mr. Chu and his Halloween obsession is me... Stones appearence had me dying omg... Also where tf r ppl getting these awesome super cool Halloween stuffs!

Hidden figures: IM NOT CRYING UR CRYING! omg such a great movie i fucking loved it. Couldnt understand a WORD of math that went on, but damn girls, calculate that shit.

The meg: listen... Listen... The trailer looked stupid... And ridiculous... I just... Wanted to know how bad... And it was bad... But it was incredibally enjoyable omg... I loved it... In all seriousness, it was actually a pretty beautiful movie when it came to marine life and the wonder behind it, and it was anti shark culling for fins, and it was very clearly "not all sharks are bad, they do as they do, but megalodon is about to fuck our shit up."... It was also fucking hilarious... My favorite character was meiying, the little 8 year old in the movie... The love plot wasnt forced and they way they did it the two leads were not having it and had actual chemistry... Just... Also the dog... The dog does not die... Pippin lives... The wedding is not ruined... Also the shark ate a billionaire soooooooo... We good meg... We good...

Pacific Rim: yes I know, I took a long ass time to watch this movie... But Listen... Explody robots and monsters... Hannibal chau... Look... I just... Sometimes take a long time to watch movies... You wanna know how long it took me to watch Merlin BBC? I watched every episode as it came out and then put off the last episode for 5 years... Listen...

Pacific rim uprising: ok I watched the first one so I could watch the one with my boi John Boyega in it.

Wrath of the Titans: wtf kind of movie... Like really what the f... Since when is zues ever responsible and wise.

Mission impossible, fallout: I liked it. It's an action movie. Saw it for my birthday, kinda interested in the other mission impossible movies now. I appreciate the advance tech and the obviously stupid impossible shit.

Oceans 8: Listen, i have never been interested in the Oceans franchise, i dont want to see crusty men steal things, but lads, im gay. Extremely gay, just, shamelessly gay.

The Breadwinner: holy shit that was a good movie.

Secret of the Kells: eh, it was a good movie. Not my favorite, but it was good. I mostly just like the animation.

Mune: Guardian of the Moon: dat was a cute movie, and also i loved Munes Design, he is a little fawn

Operation Finale: Wow, that was an amazing film, absolutely superb. Not at all like the trailers. Seriously, what is it and trailers where everything has to either be an high stakes action movie or a romantic comedy? but this film, spectacular.

The House With A Clock In Its Walls: A Neat little movie. Corny, but i liked it. like, its a kids movie in the same way A Wrinkle In Time is, but this one was little less disney-fied in the way that they needed to have this overarching lesson of empowerment, and more “this is a kids movie to enjoy, like Halloweentown”

Bad times at the El Royale: neat movie, somewhat engaging, kept losing focus at the slow parts... Liked the Chapter title cards... Can't remember who that "important person" was supposed to be.... I think I may have missed it...

Outlaw king: I liked it! Way better than Braveheart! Also.... Cpine was not that naked.... Butt....

Gnome alone: weird, didn't like it, like a bad combo of Mean Girls and Coraline?

Journey to the center of the earth: I said old movies were gonna be on this list now didnt I? Also this movie was awesome and I wish the book was real too.

Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy: Nice!!! I had been meaning to read the book before I watched the movie, but I've packed my book away soooo, MOVIE. Also out of all thw sci fi movies that have destroyed planets, this is by far the only good one.

Vvitch: it was okay... By the middle I was kinda wishing it would go faster. But it was okay.

Ex machina: I'm not done with the movie yet but it's so fucking creepy holy shit... Also "its kinda non-autistic" in relation to "aware of her own mind and mine"???? Wtffffffff.uggggghhhhhhhhhh ewwwweeweeewewweeeewwwwwww the talk about giving the robot a sexuality is so grooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss he gave her a working vag and hearing him talk about fucking the robot was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Mmmmmmmm no, did not like.

To all the boys ive loved before: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww... Also that sibling relationship was..... Relatable.

Extraordinary Tales: tales based on Edgar Allen Poe and holy sweet Jesus I loved it, it has multiple different art styles per story and I loved them soooooo much!

The Golden Compass: okay but how could you end on that cliffhanger and not at least put out another movie????

Erramentari, the blacksmith and the devil: based on Basque folklore which I know nothing of, but it looked neat. It's also originally in basque but netflix has the English dub over. AND HOLY SWEET JESUS I KNOW THIS MOVIE IS SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY BUT THE VOICE OVERS ARE SO FUCKING FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Dragon heart: I didnt like it, there were better movies I could have seen, I'm not gonna reach for this one again...

The Black Klansman: Damn, I might very well be speechless. That was a Fantastic Movie, came at you like a bag of Bricks, and the ending when it went straight from a cross burning to the 2017 neo nazi rallies, to trumps “good people on both sides” speech, to everything that happened in 2017. The movie did NOT fuck around with anything. God Bless.

Robin Hood, 2018: Antifa film of the YEAR! Yeah Robin, Be a Class Traitor to the ruling class, Spread Wealth, Down with the 1%!

The Princess of Thieves: OMG Kiera Knightly as the daughter of robin and also a kick ass archer that causes trouble!!!! Loved it!

First Man: dude that movie was incredible, it read like you were seeing snapshots of his life, not completely invested, but as though you were a spirit looking at memories. I kinda liked it. I loved the silent scenes that filled the viewer with anxiety, like a realization of the gravity of what was happening. Omg. Good film A+

Bohemian Rhapsody: OMG I LOVED IT SO MUCH OMGOMGOMGOMG MY QUEER HEART IS RESTORED AND THEY SAID BISEXUAL!!!!!

What we do in the Shadows: that was an enjoyable movie. I didn't quite like the reality show format but it was funny!

Overlord: That was a great movie! it had decently fast pacing, which is good that it was only an hour and forty-eight minutes long... They Plot-Ex-Machina’d alot of the movie, like the wounded soldier feeling fine for the main firefight, then remembering he was supposed to be wounded all of a sudden. I watched it with a friend who saw one character, turned to me and said “He’s cute, i hope he doesnt die” one (1) second before a landmine went off. Also, Ghouls created by science rather by supernatural means.

For the Love of Spock: -cries like a big baby-

Next Gen: screams of anti-tech ideals... Also.... Damn...... They are channeling the "addiction to iPhones" angle man, like, villianous angle...

Small Foot: Not bad, At least it was a Short movie, or at least it didnt feel like it was dragging on. The Songs were great though, I actually liked them and at least they were written for the movie and not like, a song that already existed...

The Spy who Dumped Me: I rented it through iTunes and it gave some Ukrainian nuts swangin in my face...

The Nun: it was okay, but let maurice theirult be a lesson; u see some creepy haunted shit, you grab a cross and you walk away. You dont go back to play hero, cuz then you get possessed.

Kin: there is a line in the movie that says "you got a decade of bad decisions under your belt" and I feel like that sums of this movies plot points...

Crazy Rich Asians: that was so gooooood! I don't normally go for romcoms, but ppl had been praising the film, and I actually liked it. I'm glad I saw the majong scene explain before I actually watched the scene, because it felt a shit ton more powerful.

Spider-Man, Into the Spiderverse: AMAZING! INCREDIBLE! the animation was TOP NOTCH, like, omg!

A simple favor: I didnt like it... It tried to be both a thriller and what seemed like a parody of a thriller.

Predator, 2018: I kinda liked it, it was a mindless action movie, and the ending left it open for a badass sequal. I havent seen the other predator movies so I have no idea if this is in faith for the series, but im guessing yes.

The Martian: It was cool and chill, I liked it, also Mark Watney cussing out a government agency via a hundred thousand dollar communications outlet is.... Mood.

47 meters down: 2hrs of one woman having an absolute panic attack and being right to worry about sketchy diving boats.

2036 Origin Unknown: kinda what I feel like 2001 a space Oddessey wouldve been like if I had actually watched that movie... Oh shit the Borg!

2001 A Space Oddessey: Have I ever told y'all that I dont like Kubrick or his movies? His movies are the epitome of that pretentious art school boi style that just does too much and tries to pretend it's more than it is and sweet merciful god why is this one 2 and a half hours long! I'm 40 minutes in and I have a head ache from the over ise of classical music and boring slow pace of the movie. 2001 a space Oddessey is 2 and a half hours long and only has 1 hr of actual relevant film... The other 1 1/2 is just unending, weirdly colored space shots, two color inversion shots of planets and eyes, theremin and flute noises, and classical music set to nothingness

RAMPAGE: a 30ft alligator showed up about an hour and 10minutes into the movie and the first reaction was "well that sucks" and it killed me on sight. The movie is awesome! In am so glad I picked this as my last movie of 2018.

[stagmanparty]

So I finished watching MLP Season 8 and...

….it´s actually not bad.

Yeah, I´m the first to admit I have to eat my words and agree the show hasn´t really gone down as much as I thought after the movie. I still hate it but the show itself remains good. Yes, there are more than a few mediocre or outright horrible episodes there but the good ones more than compensate.

I do believe that Dubuc is kinda out of her element on ponies, which may explain her use for an entire new cast aside from hasbro´s orders. The friendship school thing is done better than I though tough I still think is kinda stupid at moments.

Overall the balance is...fine.

I was expecting worse but it was an okay season.

I do hate that they explicitly mention the events of the movie but they´re STILL refusing to acknowledge the Equestria Girls ones. Come on Mccarty, stop being embarrassed ot the BETTER story!

Below the cut is my personal opinions of each episode with a dose of sarcasm if u want to read them but for the season as a whole I´ll give a 7/10 it was regular to me.

701-702:  “Girls, I want you all to work on my new school!”

“We have lives, Twilight”

ROLL CREDITS

So this wasn´t bad. I though Twilight was gonna be more selfish but she actually makes some fair points and owns to her mistakes here. What´s funny is that she doesn't act this way the rest of the season…

I still think the students are kinda lame but I like how they interact with each other and the episode itself was well handled.

Still, Twilight isn't perfect either since she refuses to have zebras or buffaloes or talking cats on her school. Hell, there aren´t even crystal ponies so she´s almost as bad the racist snape guy.

Kinda standard but good episodes.

7/10

703: “So sis, when are you gonna leave?”

“The town?”

“The show…”

I said it once, I´ll said it again, Maud overstayed her welcome. She´s no longer funny and feels like a creator pet by now.

That said the episode itself is actually really good.

Confalone GETS pinkie and gives he an actual character and this was honestly better handled that with Twilight.

Hell for a second I thought Pinkie was gonna have to deal with her own since her meeting with the guy has all the elements of a meet cute scene =P

I could live without the stupid opening scene but it seems even Pinkie realized Maud was being offensive to her audience there…

A really fun Pinkie episode to add to the pile

8/10

804 “thank you for calling me, Rarity. I can surely help you with all my sewing knowledge”

“Oh for this episode I´ll need you to forget about all that, darling and be completely useless”

So yeah, this was a waste of time.

So the mane six can´t help Rarity with her store but have plenty of time to go yell at Fluttershy?

And if Rarity hates the ponies of Saddle Row so much why does she enve sells them clothes?

I actually hate how they´re all portrayed cause they´re feeding the stereotype that people into fashion are shallow and petty and the whole point of Rarity´s character was to subvert that!

I only laughed at one joke in the whole episode.

So yeah another terrible fluttershy episode to add to the pile

2/10

805 The real reason Rainbow flies so fast...to escape her gay for applejack thoughts.

So a perfectly okay episode.

In other seasons it would have gone unnoticed but in this one it stands out for having solid writing.

It was fun and rainbow was very likeable here since she honestly seemed more concern about the grannies than anything.

It feels a bit stretched out but this is normal for a pony episode.

I do hope she kicks Applejack's behind the second she came back to town though…

A fun Rainbow episode.

7/10

806 “Girls, while you wasted time trying to help that kid with divorced parents I acciBURPddentally destroyed a scared statue so we better run, you bastards!” then Twilight pulls a rick an actually leaves them behind =P

SO yeah a complete waste of time.

I understand the point but it doesn't work for me since it seems like they made the problem way too simple.

I also dislike the hippogriffs on principle since i find I them really lame characters so…

Oh and this episode has the WORST song in the entire show. Hell is not even a song, is just words with music behind it.

So yeah, pretty lame episode.

2/10

807 “See Twilight, Sunset would have just told me things straight to my face! Then try to stab me in the back but the point remains…”

I already talked about this back when it aired and yeah, my opinion hasn't changed.

This isn´t a Celestia episode, is another of Twilight´s poorly made panic attacks ones.

We learned absolutely nothing about Celestia, she learns nothing at all and we wasted twenty minutes of our lives.

For a fan of the character, waiting nine years for this is nothing but an insult.

The saddest thing is knowing that the show will end without having a proper celestia episode.

So yeah, a total waste of time with only the adorable sunbutt to save some face

4/10

808 “You noticed all the wanted posters for you on the way here, Starlight?”

“No, actually not”

“yeah me neither, good thing you´re friends with a princess…”

Really, how come Starlight is NOT a wanted criminal? The episode could have dealt with her hometown disowning her but nope, is just a kinda lame sitcom situation.

Hell, it would have been better if we´re told the parents hooked up and now Starlight and Sunburst feel all kind of awkard but nope.

i suppose there´s like a moral lesson in here but the episode was so dull I don't even remember it.

It could have been a better story but it amounts to nothing.

3/10

809 “And to think this all started over a parking lot…”

“you don´t even need the parking lot, Rainbow!”

THAT would have been a better premise…

So yeah, remember season 1? Cool ,cause this is the exact same episode. Nothing new added and nothing interesting happens.

Go watch the leaf episode instead, is way better.

3/10

810 “Wait, Big Mac has a what now? How come nopony told me? Do I look like a jealous sister or something?”

“the shotgun isn't helping, AJ…”

Have they really interacted these two? I mean, don´t want a repeat of the same storyline. Infact, showing that Applejack and Sugar whatever get along well will be an interesting episode.

Far more interesting than this for sure.

I was bored the entire time and shut up, sweetie Belle. You'll be lucky to have Snips…

Another time waster.

2/10

811 “Spike, can´t you just masturbate like a regular teenager? I mean you have your own room now so it won´t be weird for me anymore…”

Again, remember season 2? Go watch that instead.

It even made more sense back then but now spike not knowing “how to dragon” has become a huge plot hole cause there´s absolutely no reason for him not to know these things so this entire conflict is pointless.

Oh and him having wings is something I don't really like.

Explain how he didn't have those during season 2 when he grew, hasbro! ANother lame Spike episode to the bad spike episodes pile.

2/10

812 “Girls, you rather go to a school where you dont´do any homework, play games all day, het to eat delicious food..actually I´m leaving too, school closed!”

So yeah do they do anything at Twilight school other than waste time? No wonder the CMC want to go there! Wasting time is their entire MO nowadays since they have their marks!

Prety standard episode, is honestly just to introduce the villain.

The only really fun thing is the “your mom” bit, I would have approved her out of that alone.

It´s okay, sadly can´t say more.

6/10

813 “Evil clones, what was I thinking? Dinosaurs, that´s a proper supervillain plan!”

MEH I mean it´s an okay episode but when you get to it is just repeating stuff from the first discord episode, nothing new. nothing gained.

That should be the motto of this season.

MEH

6/10

814 “Discord, what part of go to hell don´t you get?”

“The part where you forgot to tell me to stay there”

This episode is horrible!

What´s the moral lesson, be an asshole and get away with everything?

WHy the hell does Starlight apologizes? Why is HER problem that Discord feels bad? The idiot should take it on Twilight and she ahs a perfect reason not to let him in the school..Discord is an asshole! As this episode demonstrated!

Can he just...leave, please?

Worst episode of the season.

1/10

815 “Twilight, shouldn't we invite Zecora one of these days?”

“You wanna explain Kwanzaa to the viewers, Rainbow?”

ZZZZZZZZZ

Oh what? Oh yeah this episode.

Look I get the point and being objective there's nothing wrong with this episode but my god, tiw as boring!

Just the same bit repeated over and over and over and over…

Whatever, technically there's nothing wrong with it but I didn't like it.

6/10

816 “So mono means one and rail menas...no wait, wrong scam. Calls dismissed!”

“Slow down bro, so who´s the princess of friendship then?”

“The one with the eyepatch!”

“BLAST!”

So...a perfectly normal episode.

Again, this show always suffers from not having a b plot going on so the conflict get  a bit stretched but as an episode, it was well done.

Hey snape is right that Friendship IS a weapon in this universe, glad someone finally mentioned it.

There´s actually a good moral lesson about how no matter if the lessons are good if the methods are fraudulent which coming from Hasbro is the ultimate irony.

Flim Flam are kinda overdone at this point but it still works.

7/10

817 “Remember that time you left me in the desert with pinkie?”

“Oh sure, everything looks bad when you remember it…”

Actually a pretty good episode.

I mean the premise relies on twilight´s students being borderline sociopaths (guys, is not that complex of an idea, friends can disagree on things) but the episode itself it was really fun and the Raridash wa adorable.

I honestly liked it.

8/10

818 “I mean we could have get you a teacher and encouraged to get better through a montage but insulting you and hurting your feelings seemed like a better idea, pinkie”

Way to handle a problem, girls!

What part of this is supportive” pinkie? Your friends were assholes to you that made you feel bad so you stop bothering them and then come looking for you because is a problem for THEM?

There´s a better lesson about admitting you may not have the talent for something, which is a lesson that kids DO need to learn but since the problem is solved with a “who cares?” the moral lesson doesnt´work and nobody really learns anything here.

Who approved of this crap?

2/10

819 “I say someone must have  said a funny because your mother is in stitches hahaha! I´ll leave you to your grief, Starlight.”

Finally a good episode!

Actually an excellent one. Coupled with a catchy song and really good dialogue, my man Haber can make a really good episode when he wants.

I have zero complains this was the best episode of the season.

10/10

820 “That´s it I´m taking you to your parents or in its defect your lesbian aunts that cannot be seen in the show due to television censorship policies!”

I´m sorry but cootalo was a brat the entire episode in need of a good spanking.

Rainbow did absolutely nothing wrong and that gid set gogin around here is full of lies.

If anything she was a bit rash over the fact that yeah, the little girl she sees a sister suddenly is throwing her away...again, cause she did it with the maredowell thing also. Funny they didn´t mention it, probably to appease the fandom.

As an episode is nothing bad, Rainbow actually comes out great here so yeah, Scootaloo, you're grounded..as in put in a hole in the ground.

Good episode

8/10

821 “All me friend are long dead…”

“Yeah yeah, lovely. Fill this form here, big guy…”

What's wrong with Twilight this episode? Why is she such an insensitive idiot?

It was pretty clear the obvious solution was just giving him a classroom with no walls and guess what, that´s what she does alter on so what gives?

And why are SPike and SMoulder allowed to burns the school every day?

An dhow come Rockhoof has no job in “modern equestria”? there used to be plenty of things wanting to eat the ponies every week, did they disappear in between seasons or what?

Really stupid episode that only works by everybody bieng assholes to an actually nice guy.

2/10

822 “Look at the bright side Rainbow. We got replaced by a new cast but at least we didn't die horrible on the movie like the transformers did…”

grumble grumble this is actually a really good episode.

I mean I could argue they have already dome similar stuff but it make sense here. The tree of harmony finally gets some light on it and this actually helps make the students look less lame by giving them character so...yeah, it´s actually really good.

Damnit.

9/10

823 “Oh shoot we forgot to invite them to the school!”

“It's okay, Twilight forgot to invite like half of the country as well…”

grumble grumble another really good episode!

I honestly though this episode was gonna suck but it turns out to be one of the best.

It´s obviously a previously unaired episode that they managed to shove into here but is actually a really good so I have zero complains about it.

The kirin is actually really cute and I liked the song so…

9/10

824 “So kid have you seen stuart little?”

“No.”

“Then this whole thing is gonna be new for you…”

So yeah...as an episode is okay but I´l argue that even the target audience could saw this coming a mile away.

My only real problem is that Spike barely apologizes to TWilight despite hurting her so much. Why is he such a brat? Twilight is nothing but a loving and supportive sister to him, look at that opening scene, si so lovely an touching!

Why does the show keep treating Twilight caring for her sibling and treating him like an equal as a bad thing? She even offers to let him go and learn more about his culture, she is supporting and loving why do they keep treating her like she´s doing a bad thing? and again kind of a big plothole nowdays  with dragons going around Equestria with no problems.

Other than that is a fine episode.

7/10

825-826 “Since we´re stuck here where the little filly´s room?”

“There is no little filly´s room in tartarus…”

“NOOOOOOO!”

Really, who built this prison Barry allen? Give them a bucket at least .

Again...actually really good episodes.

The action was good,the stakes were high, while that poor manticore shouldn't be there I still like the good detail than monsters have been kept her since past seasons and than the mane six honestly don´t hold a grudge against them, hope there´s an actual redemption arc down the line and they don't just forget about them like with the other villains,

Speaking of that, Cozy is probably the best vilian on the entire show.Hell, she´s better than Thanos cause she doesn't have an stupid justification, she just want s POWAAAAA! And she´s damn adorable and effective, she almost won.

Still They missed a chance to say that the missing magic was going to the human world to tie things up with Equestria girls for once and who the hell delivers letters to tartarus anyways?

The finally more than makes up and gives almost everyone a chance to shine so I like it. The mane six were treated with a LOT more respect than in the damn movie that's for sure.

Good solid episodes.

8/10

So that´s season 8, is not that bad honestly.. Had they had a better focus it would be better. Continuity is still a bit of a mess and just saying past stuff doesn't count but hey they´re trying.

Now I have like 40 Equestria Girls episodes to catch up though…

[funface2]

60 of the funniest Friends jokes and quotes as the sit-com turns 25 this month – iNews

CultureTV

Friday, 20th September 2019, 10:20 am

Updated 35 minutes ago

Rachel, Ross, Monica, Joey, Chandler and Phoebe – can you name a more iconic sextet than the central cast of Friends?

Over 10 seasons, each of the New York residents made audiences laugh and cry as they pursued life goals with inevitably comedic results.

wenty-five years on from the show’s pilot episode, the show continues to be adored by legions of fans – here are 60 of the legendary sit-com’s best jokes and quotes.

“I can handle this. Handle is my middle name. Actually, handle is the middle of my first name.” (Chandler)

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Ross: “Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot! Pivot!” (while trying to lift his sofa up a flight of stairs)Chandler: “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”

“Joey doesn’t share food!” (Joey)

“Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that’s ours!” (Monica)

“If you’re going to call me names, I would prefer Ross, the Divorce Force. It’s just cooler.” (Ross)

“All right, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing’s right. And that’s what deathbeds are for.” (Chandler)

Ross: “Hey, Rachel, did you notice…” Rachel: “Your teeth? Yeah, I saw them from outside.”

“Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!” (Chandler)

“You have to get off the plane. Something is wrong with the left phalange.” (Chandler)

Ross: “No, homo habilis was erect. Australopithecus was never fully erect.” Chandler: “Well, maybe he was nervous.”

“I’m glad we’re having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely practice my meals before I eat.” (Chandler)

“Until I was 25 I thought the only response to ‘I love you’ was ‘Oh crap!'” (Chandler)

Ross: “I went to that tanning place your wife suggested.”Chandler: “Was that place the sun?”

“What’s not to like? Custard – good. Jam – good. Meat – good!” (Joey)

Chandler: “I got her machine.”Joey: “Her answering machine?”Chandler: “No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.”

“You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he’s getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?” (Chandler)

“Ross, just for my own peace of mind, you’re not married to any more of us are you?” (Chandler)

Janice: “What a small world!” Chandler: “And yet I never run into Beyoncé!”

“Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap.” (Phoebe)

Ross: “Does little Ross like dinosaurs by any chance?”Mr. Zelner: “Yeah, they’re all he talks about, why?”Ross: “How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History after everyone else has left, just the two of us, and he can touch anything he wants. [Pause] I just heard it as you must have heard it and that’s not good. Let me start again. I’m a palaeontologist, you’ll be there with us and the touching refers only to bones – fossils!”

Monica: “You don’t think sharks are sexy do you?” Joey: “No. Wait a minute… what was the Little Mermaid?”

“SEVEN!” (Photo: Warner Brothers)

Phoebe: “Look I had a hard life, my mother was killed by a drug dealer.” Monica: “Phoebe, your mom killed herself.” Phoebe: “She was a drug dealer.”

Cathy: “You have really great hair”Chandler: “Oh thanks I grow it myself!”

“If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, please give me money so I can buy a computer.” (Phoebe)

“It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo.” (Joey)

“First divorce: wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn’t let you get married when you’re that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada’s fault.” (Ross)

Joey: “It hurts my Joey’s apple!” Chandler: “For the last time, it’s not named after each individual man!”

“Oh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress?” (Rachel to Monica)

Joey: “You didn’t cry when Bambi’s mom died?” Chandler: “Yes, it was so sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.”

“Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap.” (Phoebe)

Rachel: “…How many centimetres am I dilated? Eight? Nine?” Doctor: “Three.”Ross: “Just three? I’m dilated three!”

Monica: “The camera adds ten pounds!”Chandler: “So how many cameras are actually on you?”

Ross, just for my own peace of mind, you’re not married to any more of us are you? (Photo: Warner Brothers)

“If you don’t help me cook I’m going to take a bunch of those hot dogs and make a new appetiser called pigs in Ross.” (Monica)

Ross: “I am gonna be happy this year. I’m gonna make myself happy.”Chandler: “Do you want us to leave the room?”

“I can’t have a mimosa? I’m on vacation!” (Phoebe)

“I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” (Chandler)

Joey: “But it is odd how a women’s purse looks good on me, a man.”Rachel: “Exactly! Unisex!”Joey: “Maybe you need sex. I had sex a couple days ago.”Rachel: “No! No, Joey! U-N-I-sex.”Joey: “Well, I ain’t gonna say no to that.”

Monica: “I think I’d be great in a war. I’d, like, get all the medals.”Chandler: “Before or after you’re executed by your own troops?”

Ross: “Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and *won*!”Chandler: “Ross came fourth and cried!”

“Oh look, ugly naked guy is decorating his Christmas tree! Wow, you should see the size of his Christmas balls!” (Phoebe)

“Why is it inside out?!” (Ross reacting to Rachel’s new Sphynx cat)

“I can’t believe my Dad saw us having sex! He didn’t make it to one of my piano recitals, but this he sees!” (Monica to Chandler)

“If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows please give me money so I can buy a computer.” (Phoebe)

If you want to receive emails about my upcoming shows please give me money so I can buy a computer (Photo: Warner Brothers)

“Come on Ross you’re a palaeontologist – dig a little deeper.” (Phoebe)

“You can’t have S-E-X when your taking care of the B-A-B-I-E.” (Joey)

Ross: “Hello? Did you not read the Lord of the Rings in high school?”Joey: “No, I had sex in high school.”

“Come on, Ross. You’re a paleontologist, dig  little deeper.” (Phoebe)

“A hundred million people went to see a movie about what I do. I wonder how many people would go see a movie called Jurassic Parka. No, no, no, a bunch of out-of-control jackets take over an island!” (Ross to Rachel)

“Hey buddy, this is a family place. Put the mouse back in the house.” (Gunther)

Rachel: “I’m not someone who goes after a guy five minutes after he’s divorced.”Monica: “No, you go after them five minutes before they get married.”

Ross: “We were on a break!”Chandler: “Oh, my God! If you say that one more time, I’m going to break up with you!”

Joey: “Could you close that window? My nipples could cut glass over here.”Phoebe: “Really? Mine get me out of tickets.”

“How you doin’?” (Joey)

Joey: “Could I BE wearing any more clothes?!”

Monica: “Do you have a plan?”Phoebe: “I don’t even have a ‘pla.'”

Phoebe: “They don’t know that we know they know we know.”

Phoebe: “If it’s a girl, Phoebe. And if it’s a boy, Pheebo.”

Joey: “Occupation? Dinosaurs.”Ross: “Actually I’m a paleo…”Joey: “Dinosaurs is fine.”

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from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/60-of-the-funniest-friends-jokes-and-quotes-as-the-sit-com-turns-25-this-month-inews/