#BUT i got a really cool hoodie and i got different jewelry that was actually correct

[fivestoriesfallingg]

today has been half really really good and half not great . but i’m choosing to focus on the good im calling today a success

[thelazybard]

idk if you do modern AU, but it could be really cool like a modern au of the clones from Bad Batch + rex and cody in like university. what would they study, what hobbies, what would they wear! idk

or maybe like in the y/n s/o perspective how they would help them study through finals and midterms?

love ur writing 🫶🫶🫶

I love university AUs sm ughh

Modern!The Bad Batch +Rex +Cody x GN!Reader: The boys as university students

Rex:

Style: Athleisure for sure. Something presentable enough to attend class in but also hit up the gym in after. The same sneakers almost every day, and his gold chain.

Major: Philosophy

Study dates: In his dorm when Cody is out. You both fit into his twin bunk and quiz each other with flash cards.

Cody:

Style: Done up, slacks and a sweater every day for sure. I imagine him in brown loafers and gold jewelry.

Major: Engineering

Study dates: Out at a cafe with free wifi. He prefers outdoor seating so the two of you can have a bit more privacy while also enjoying nature, but he won't subject you to that in the winter. You doublecheck his math for him and quiz him on the different formulas he's got to memorize.

Hunter:

Style: Jeans, boots, and a graphic tee of some sort. A denim or leather jacket in the winter.

Major: Forestry/Environmental Science

Study date: Outdoors at campus, usually under a tree the two of you can lean back on. He brings snacks and a blanket each time, and the two of you study for your respective midterms in a comfortable silence until you fall asleep on his shoulder.

Echo:

Style: Similar to Rex's. Athleisure, but more boyish. Graphic tees of his favorite show and Nike sweatshorts.

Major: Biomedical engineering

Study dates: At your dorm because Fives always has a girl over. He tries to focus on studying but ends up getting distracted by the various doodads around your room, which results in you getting the great idea of holding him down and doing your skincare routine on him. No studying gets done.

Wrecker:

Style: He's the guy that wears shorts whether it's warm or not. A black pullover hoodie is a closet staple. (He let's girls borrow it so be ready to argue about that). Socks and sandals 100%.

Major: Sport's Medicine or Physics.

Study dates: In his dorm. He sits at his desk with you in his lap and you make him create/study quizlets. He takes breaks frequently to snuggle and kiss you.

Tech:

Style: Slacks, polo and blazer. Thinks you need to look your best to do your best. Him and Wrecker fuss over each other's styles constantly.

Major: Double majoring in Aerospace Engineering and Computer Science.

Study dates: In the STEM building in one of the many study spaces. He says what he's learned out loud to you to better adhere it in his noggin. He takes you out to ice cream after to make up for the lack of romance during the actual study part.

Crosshair:

Style: Dark academia on days he has a presentation. Rest of the time? Sweatpants and a black shirt. Something he can jump right back into bed in.

Major: I'm sorry but he's so a business major. Actually I'm not sorry.

"Study" dates: You go to his dorm and make out while a business textbook is open nearby. Studying!!

[literallyjusttoa]

First thing first I LOVE your art style. Second your Apollo design and headcanons are amazing. And third I would love to see some kind of colored reference sheet of Apollo, because I would love to make Fanart of your design!

Ok I made a re-made a lil reference thing I made about a year ago with color for you! + I'll add some notes I keep in mind while drawing Apollo in different forms bc I'm kind of inconsistent with my art lol

Pre-ToA Apollo: Covered in jewelry, bc he's fancy like that. No shoes, I used to draw him wearing sandals but it was actually rly important in antiquity that the gods didn't wear shoes as a sign of their divinity, so no more of that. At most he wears cool gold anklets. I also use his chiton as a bit of a mood ring. When Apollo's is having a great time, it's gold or has gold accents. When he's in stressful situations, it's got more orange and red.

Lester: Shift all colors a bit closer to red, just for cool symbolism-y reasons. I've done blue-eyed Lester before, but I'm ngl brown-eyed Lester still holds my heart. Also the most consistent part of my Lester design is the red hoodie, I will never let that thing go. Lester is a short king, and he always, ALWAYS has some pudge. (I feel kind of bad bc I always draw him in a baggy hoodie so you can't tell sometimes, but I swear I always keep it in mind) I usually show time going on in the trials by adding scars, making the hair longer, and making him a little bit bigger (callback to my hc that all of the physical things Apollo saw as "flaws" got worse in the 5th book, but bc Apollo has grown as a person he genuinely doesn't notice/care as much)

Post-Toa Apollo: Everything is a mix of the first two designs. Two eye colors, two hair colors, clothes that are modern while still referencing antiquity. He even wears sandals, right in between barefoot and sneakers. This design changes a lot, but that's bc I think Apollo is still rapidly changing after the end of ToA, and figuring out how to settle back into himself. The only consistency is that I’ve drawn him wearing crop tops alot? I honestly can’t tell you the reasoning behind that it just keeps happening. So yeah, really with this one, go wild!

[thesoftboiledegg]

Apparently, it was my destiny to post a merchandise roundup today because when I arrived at Spencer's, I got there just in time to see the employees stacking new Rick and Morty merchandise. Nothing I haven't posted before, but I took that as a positive sign even as a guy started loudly clapping (not because of the shirts) for no reason that I could see, angering an employee.

This visit was pretty serendipitous because a few minutes later, I ran into a guy wearing a Rick and Morty hoodie in the store. He let me snap a couple of pictures:

Anyway, Spencer's was lined with Rick and Morty merchandise as always, but I wasn't finding anything new until I stumbled upon this poster. I love merchandise with experimental art styles. This one in particular looks pretty "old school," like something from seasons 1-2.

"I'M PICKLE RICK!" Nobody's sick of hearing that!

Hot Topic had a new set of socks. Still wondering why so much merchandise has a screaming Morty on it. Do people love it when he screams in the show? I don't.

The bootleg print store had the usual stolen art, but this poster that changed when you looked at it from different angles was actually really cool in person.

I also saw this classic image turned into a print. I love how Summer's over it just like Rick. "Idgaf" gang.

Charlotte Russe had fun, trippy designs. I love the neon colors.

More bootleg merchandise. This time, it was a booth loaded with tumblers, including this gem.

I almost walked past a toy store, but then I saw rows of Funko Pops and thought "Eh, maybe they've got some merchandise for adults." I saw what looks like...a 3D puzzle? Never seen one of those before.

Man, I can't stand that episode. Anyway, they've also got regular puzzles. And again, Morty screams!

Aaaaaah!

Whenever I go into Spencer's, I look for Rick and Morty merchandise in the jewelry section, but I never find it (aside from ear gauges.) I seriously think that Adult Swim should look into that since they're cashing in on everything anyway. RM press-on nails could be pretty lucrative. Same with rings, necklaces and charm bracelets. Also, they're not jewelry, but RM tarot cards would probably be popular.

Hire me, Adult Swim! I'll tell you what all the Tumblr girlies want.

[canofspooks]

Phantom Goes Cross-Country (Chapter 1)

Summary: After Danny's life goes downhill, his friends save the day with a roadtrip. Maybe all he needs is to get out of Amity for a while.

Words: 870

AO3 Link

Only a few hours away from Amity Park, and Danny already felt the relief sinking into his bones as he leaned out the window of the car. Without the haze of ectoplasmic mist, he could see dozens more stars dotting the night sky. It was silly, wasn't it? All this time, he could've taken a bus over to the next town and seen just as much of a difference in scenery.

But he hadn't - hence the part where he was getting "kidnapped" by his friends from highschool on an impromptu road trip.

He glanced over at Sam asleep in the back seat. How she managed to pass out in her elaborate outfit was beyond him. It felt like her boots went on forever, only to be continued on by the leather pants that couldn't have been comfortable to sleep in. She had more belts than he thought necessary, and a black tank top adorned with a completely unnecessary amount of chain jewelry.

It was a lazy outfit by Sam's standards, she told him when they first picked him up. Danny's idea of "lazy" involved a t-shirt and shorts - what Sam had rolled up in was mildly motivated at least.

By comparison, he and Tucker were in rags. Tucker was a hipster and wore it on his sleeve, and Danny had rolled out of bed, thrown a hoodie on, and called it a day. It was on-par with what one would expect from a couple of guys in their 20's, and Danny was happy to be a stereotype.

"Is the beanie glued on your head, or…" Danny teased.

Tucker raised an eyebrow. "Says the guy still wearing a hoodie he got in middle school."

"Touché."

With the silence already broken, Tucker's shoulders relaxed. He kept his eyes fixed on the road ahead, and hands grabbing the steering wheel with a death grip, but Danny had seen his friend have the same frightened rabbit posture back when they were first learning to drive. Turns out not much had changed in that time.

"So… what'd you finally decide to do about the ghosts?" Tucker asked.

"I called in a favor with Vlad Masters. He owes me one."

That was a bit of an understatement. What hadn't he done to prepare? With only a couple days' notice about this little reunion trip, Danny had been in overdrive for the last 72 hours. He'd gotten his vacation days in order, done a little mild threatening to make sure his coworkers would actually come to their shifts, called Vlad for the first time in ages to beg the man to keep an eye on Amity, and tipped off the G.I.W. to make sure they'd be on-alert for anything in the next few weeks. And really, he wouldn't be gone long, so what was the worst that could happen?

"Are you still cool with him, or did he go back to being an evil fuck the minute you turned 18?"

Danny leaned back in his seat and looked up at the ceiling. How the hell did they get so many stains on the ceiling of the car, but none on the seats?

"Nah, he's…" and Danny hated to admit this, "he's actually pretty chill now. I think he's just lonely - I should try to hook him up with somebody when I get back, if only so he stops bugging me."

"Bugging you in like a horny way or…?"

"Bugging me in an 'old, weird rich grandma who keeps offering to pay for my top surgery' way. The dude motherhens hard if I drop even a pound. It's fucking annoying. He should get his own kid to worry about."

"I will take one for the team and let Vlad be my sugar daddy, if you won't."

Danny gagged. "Tucker, that is the worst thing you've ever said. I'd rather you joke about my parents."

Between fits of laughter that left him light-headed, Danny realized it didn't hurt as much to mention them. The context was silly, sure, but even jokes always left him with a sour taste in his mouth and a pit in his stomach. Now? Nothing.

Maybe this trip was already starting to do some good.

"Don't tempt me. I've had five years to think of every possible dark joke and I will lay it out on you right now if you're not careful." Tucker warned, shooting a playful glare over at Danny for just a moment. Enough to qualify as "dangerous" in Tucker's eye, probably. That was progress.

"Since when were you such an edgelord?"

"Oh, like I didn't pick up a thing or two from goth-zilla… and Sam."

"Dude, you know I haven't fucked with that stuff since middle school."

"Once a goth-zilla, always a goth-zilla."

"Pull over so I can beat the shit out of you." Danny jiggled the door handle, just to get Tucker worried. Not like he was going to jump out of the moving car. He could - Phantom had done it plenty of times - but Danny was too lazy to fly around right now.

"Whatever, man. I'm not pulling over until we need to fill up on gas. You can fight me at the next gas station."

[dzpenumbra]

8/1/23

I can't begin to explain how drained I am.

I had a headache for most of the day. I just drank a cup of chai at like midnight (it's 1:15) because I realized I hadn't had caffeine all day and that's probably why I have such a bad headache. Now, that caffeine is kicking in, the headache is melting away, but I'm extremely aware of how utterly exhausted I am.

I woke up after 5 hours. I immediately put my headphones in and tried to go back to sleep. I stopped myself from trying after exactly 15 minutes. I checked my email and found messages from my therapist.

I had emailed my therapist before I talked to my former friend who offered me the graphic design commission. He replied. I read what he said as... kinda siding with graphic design and... "take what you can get"... I scanned his messages and got that message very clear from him. I replied emphasizing that design and art are not only different fields, they're entirely different workflows. I tried very hard to express how having someone go around and advertise me as a graphic designer doesn't help me as an artist, it would help me as a graphic designer. And, since the people who are looking for design are not typically looking for creative input... they're looking for someone who knows how to use software to make the thing they are envisioning... in some ways this actually damages my non-existent reputation as an artist.

I'm fucking tired of explaining this. But here I go again, on one last hoorah before I fucking finally tap out of this. Someone comes up to me and says "I'd love to help you out." They claim to "like my style", yet proceed to tell me how they avoid Instagram like the plague, when I had specifically asked them to check out my recent work before the meeting. Then, in the consultation, they have very clear ideas of what they want done and how... which leaves little room for "my style". My style, the one that he's familiar with... is realism, organic blending, colored pencil and pen work. What he commissioned... was a vector-based low-detail letterhead and t-shirt graphic for a welding company. TELL ME THAT'S NOT BULLSHIT. He doesn't want my style, he doesn't even want to take 35 seconds to google my style, or click the direct link to my portfolio that I gave him. I doubt if I asked him right now, he could tell me what my alias of over 10 years is, the one I've been using for my art for 4 years.

He claimed to want to help my career. And his way of helping is... to help himself. With a logo he needs. And "hey man, maybe people will see that logo and go 'that's pretty cool' and I'll send them your way!" <wink wink nudge nudge> Awesome. Nothing I'd like more than to do a logo for the trucking company you're doing specialty welding for. Let me see, what other projects do I have going right now... I'm doing hand-painted grip tape, I'm doing hand-made jewelry, I'm doing a hand-painted goat skull, I'm doing hand-painted customized clothing (hoodie, and soon pants too), I'm doing mini Zen gardens for artistic and functional and living home décor. Now, when you see my work, my "style"... does designing a fucking logo for a trucking company mesh with that? Are they my... target demographic?

Not only do I not know how to make logos... I don't really fucking care how to make logos. I don't. I care so little about making logos that I have been streaming and have had an online presence for my art for over 4 years and I have never once made a logo. Because I have art I can put in that spot instead.

Now... this anger, this frustration that's coming out here. This frantic need to explain and justify my position here. I found out what this is today. It was really hard for me to break myself out of it, and it's even hard to do now. I have this frantic beast in the back of my head saying "keep explaining, you're right there. Then THEY will understand. Then THEY will... help. And things will start working." It's... kinda panic. But rooted in trauma. A series of traumas that rocked me to my core; a lifetime, really. And I'm reliving it... right now. Right this moment. Those feelings, that franticness, that "I'm so close, I just have to find the right words".

It's fucking... I legit can't even put it into words. I handwrote 2.5 pages of business notes on 5 hours of sleep. I typed out monthly and weekly survival budgets, a budget of baseline survival expenses. Survival. That should've been a big red flag there.

I figured it out a bit too late, around 9:30 PM tonight. But all of these freakouts of like... It is exceptionally EXCEPTIONALLY rare that someone comes into my life and offers to help me. With fucking anything. And I was just like... "holy crap, this changes everything." And the dipshit offers to help me with shit that has nothing to do with my work, and clearly has not even looked at my work. Not only is that a bad friend, it's really a bad client. He didn't even do his research on who he was getting work done from, or quote a price first. He just dove right in and started shmoozing and bullshitting. And then shot one of my spirit animals with a .45 pistol with hollow-point bullets while on the phone with me.

So... since it's exceptionally rare that someone offers me help, I feel like I can't afford to say no. I'm in the middle of Bumfuck, Alaska, and a trade caravan is passing through. Can I afford to not stock up on food? It could be years before the next offer to help me. And then the help offer... it doesn't even fucking help my career. I, as a fine artist, art blogger, whatfuckingever the term is going to be... I'm not going to put my fucking logo for a welding company in my portfolio of fine art that I'm sending to goddamn galleries. It. Makes. Me. Look. Bad. And I'm not proud of it. It is, at most... partially my work, and most definitely not my vision.

I'm still doing the explaining thing... So yeah, I get panicked. I feel like I need to frantically explain, so they'll understand. So they'll get what I actually do. So they'll get what my career is. And then they'll go "holy shit, wow, I had no idea. That's fascinating! How can I help you?" And I'll start rattling off ways they can help me.

But... haha... BUT... They don't care. They don't. They're not a fan. "It's not my thing." "I don't like that website." "I don't have the time." "I'm not good with technology." Excuses are like assholes, everyone's got 'em and they're all full of shit.

The reality I've been avoiding is that... this guy doesn't actually care about me. He just knows I have integrity and I will get the job done, and won't rip him off... in fact, I'll probably just give it away to him for free, just like his ex-wife's S-tier tattoo design. Because of my whole monastic, people-pleasing, be-a-good-guy approach to life.

It all revolves around the idea of... support. That really meaning, at its core... social acceptance. Society (literally any person in society, ideally multiple) showing an interest in what I do and having a place for my contributions. And the reality is... I don't have that. I'm orbiting society. I'm barely even noticed. Both personally and professionally. It's rare for me to even experience eye contact.

So... when I rush to clean my whole house and mock up 6 prototypes overnight... and the dude makes up a bunch of excuses like "I don't want to look at a bunch of girls on multimillion dollar yachts pretending to be hot shit or something" as a way to exclude himself from pulling his phone out of his pocket and looking at ANY of my online media... so he can familiarize himself with what I do... The reality is very plainly, very simply... he doesn't care. And that is what it is. He is not a fan, he is not a friend, he's just making a practical business deal with an on-hand resource. And quantifying that actually, in a weird way, helps me ground and relax. It lowers the stakes, the gravity of the loss if I were to say "no".

I'm Tom Hanks in Castaway... And he's a boat that pulls up to shore, asks for directions, takes some of the castaway's food and fucking leaves. As things lie right now, he's in no way doing me a favor short of giving me money for services rendered, a service that I have never offered. That's not him doing me a favor, that's him offering me a job in a different field. But... I am doing him a favor. And it would be very smart for me to remember that I have the power in this situation.

God, I just keep sinking into that whirlpool. I wonder how visible it is. It's like I get two sentences in and I start explaining and justifying again, as though I don't already understand. THAT process. The... invasive pull of every thought stream back to that same concept... "HELP ME". And the survival instincts that come with it. "I'll be here forever." "I'll never make it." Like being stuck in purgatory. And the frantic, demeaning having to explain myself over and over to ears that are not quite not listening to me... but rather... listening to my contributions to the conversation as though I am a 7-year-old kid with a box of crayons at the grownups table at a family reunion.

That image fucking sums it up, in my experience. I don't even know how to put that into words, that feeling. Not quite humiliation... kinda degradation? Diminution? Infantilization? Oh fuck, yep, thank you Google for verifying it. That's it. Infantilization. And then I'm panicked and feverishly jawing like a 7 year old trying to tell them that Santa Claus is actually real.

The past several days of my journal has been full of this. It's clear as day. That. That's a PTSD response. I'm piecing it together. It's an emotional reliving of a life of related fucked up traumas. Really really fucked up things, that you really shouldn't do to other people, that happened to me. And when something similar to it shows its face? This happens. I can't sleep. I'm haunted for days. I fall asleep ranting to the ceiling. I wake up ranting to the ceiling. I come up with survival plans to provide a sense of security and safety.

I'm... so... tired. It's only 2AM and I can barely keep my eyes open. What this shit does to me is utterly savage. I'm so deeply grateful for the work I've put in to be able to identify it as it's happening now. And it really didn't take that much time for me to be able to go "oh fuck, I know what you are. I see you."

Where I need to be right now? Instead of the Past? Instead of the Future? Now. I need to be Here and Now. And that's what I did. I tapped out of the ambitious plan to finish the grip tape today and I decided to do some self-massage on my quads instead. I don't really know how to angle myself so my legs are relaxed to properly do it, but I did some and I feel much better for just... stopping the franticness and the freaking out... and just relaxing and doing something nice for myself. It helped.

So... I'm going to go to bed early. Because fuck it. Maybe I'll even watch a TV show in bed or something, I don't know. It's been ages since I watched a TV show or a movie. Because it's a nice, quiet, beautiful night. The temperature is not too hot, not too cold. The moon is full(ish). And one of my bean plants looks like it might actually make a full recovery! (The other sadly didn't make it. -_-) The world isn't all doom and gloom. There is peace here. Good lord, if it's one thing I'm insanely grateful for, it's that I turned my home into a place of peace, healing and inspiration. In a very dedicated way. Living in a space that nurtures life, in which I am cultivating lifeforms, has a very different feel to it.

Anyway, I'm gonna go do that. I just really felt like it was worth writing that, about catching myself in my flashbacks. Again, I had no idea that was what was happening, I was just feeling insanely strong emotions. So, that's a huge step forward. I even messaged my therapist back and apologized if I was intense and thanked him for his patience, and he knew, and seemed really relieved that I was able to figure it out myself. Good lord. That's so crazy. So much of mental health self-care is really, at its root, a very broad sense of self-awareness.

I could go on for ages. But I'm literally nodding off. Bye.

[creepypocky]

hellloooo may I request a matchup please? Both romantic and nsfw if that’s alright with you. Im bisexual, my pronouns are she/her, I’m an INTP virgo and I’m 5’8”. My style is constantly changing but I adore 70’s type fashion, I tend to wear a lot of jewelry like many rings, multiple necklaces, I adore collecting earrings and so on. I have five piercings and I absolutely want to get more!

My hobbies are definitely two totally different things: on one hand I love baking, I usually give the baked goods away because I actually don’t like sweets, and my other hobby is a little more on the weird side but I love finding people. I know that sounds a little spooky, but a lot of my family works in the government and my dream job is probably private investigator. I’m exceptionally good at finding people and things, and I love snooping around where I don’t belong. I’m super passionate about exploring abandoned buildings and while I’m average at photography I really enjoy taking pics of the places I explore.

My love language is definitely gifting people things and being able to just *exist* comfortably in the same space as others. I’m not very affectionate verbally or physically but I welcome people who are and I’m pretty used to it. I have a problem called I love arguing with people. It’s definitely a toxic trait but I love debating with others and I’m always expecting to come out on top. Of course playful banter is welcome too, a relationship wouldn’t really be healthy with constant arguing but I really appreciate people who can take teasing and dish it out just as well.

As for nsfw stuff: I definitely love being scared and just the kind of thrill that comes with being chased (I mean why else would I be here lol) I’m a switch leaning sub (tho if my partner was someone who’s submissive I could take control) and with my love for arguing definitely comes a more bratty side. I would love someone I can rile up and I love being bossed around. I don’t mind being roughed up a little bit, including manhandling and leaving marks.

Hello mortal~ :)

Hehe, I'll get to this <3 it took me a little bit to know who to match you with but I'm sure about this now. <3

|| I match you with: Jeff The Killer! ||

Hon, he thinks your jewelry is super cool and pretty and he will even buy you more jewelry without you even asking for it. Let this jackass spoil you. He loves to see your piercings and watch you get more, he thinks you just look so beautiful with them and will take you to get more if you ask him to. He won’t admit it but he mostly just adores the smile you have when getting them.

Pleaseeee, Jeff LOVES sweets. Bake all of the sweets you want for this man he will happily eat it all up, especially if it’s your baking. He just breathes in your essense as he practically drowns himself in the sweets you bake for him.

You like finding people? Babe, this guys job is literally to stalk and kill people. He is practically the KING of finding people aside from Hoodie and some of the other creeps. If you ever need help finding someone he’s got your back and will most definitely help you, otherwise he’ll just have fun watching you do it yourself.

Jeff is really a “fuck you” guy so he also snoops around where he doesn’t belong. Will do it even just to piss whoever told him not to off. But if you ever want to go investigate somewhere private and not allowed, he’ll definitely help you get in there and out without getting caught. Of all of the creeps, he’s basically the guy who can smuggle anyone in anywhere aside from in public because, well, his face isn’t exactly normal.

Jeff is also not the best at expressing his love or affection verbally, but he very much does love you. He’s just super aloof and/or awkward about love, but when you give him gifts he appreciates them a ton even if he doesn’t say it, he will cherish everything you give him. He also appreciates you being around him in general and is pretty good at taking signs, he understands you have feelings for him even if you don’t outright say it. He’s good at just pulling you against him though and holding you tight. He’s a lot better at physical affection than he is at verbal affection.

Broo, he loves arguing with people too and just debating. He can be the biggest asshole ever in an argument and will sometimes even just talk out of his ass and start making claims that make zero sense just for the sake of it, and will somehow win an argument with just that because of his way with words. Would probably have a harder time debating with you though.

He likes to tease you a lot and just be a dick in general, he wouldn’t ever go too far or hurt you seriously though. He loves you way too much to treat you like that. He will tell others that tease you to fuck off though because it’s like a, “Yeah no, only I’m allowed to fuck with her.”

NSFW:

Ooooo~

He will definitely chase you down, little lady. He has a bit of a fetish himself where he’ll just randomly make you his prey and will want to hunt you down, and when he catches you he can be ruthless.

He’s a bit of a dom but would sub for you if he was having a bad day or feeling depression/out of it. Otherwise, he’s definitely into topping you and putting you in your place. Likes that you’re a bit of a brat because he will most definitely force you into submission and will love it when you fight back, he’ll leave all kinds of marks on you and will hold you down and he rams his cock in you from behind.

He’ll manhandle you too, he’ll grab you by your neck and force you to stay still as he pounds into you. Will make you ride him, he’ll grip your hips and maybe even dig his nails in them as he forces you to bounce on his dick.

He will also call you names if he’s enough in the mood, if you’re being extra bratty will do all kinds of degrading names and will slap you around.~

He doesn’t know how he feels about aftercare, but once the deed is done he will light a cigarette and will lazily hold you against him. Maybe kiss your forehead and just whisper loving things to you if he’s tired enough and not paying attention to what he’s saying.

All in all, you’re precious to him. <3 Pls never leave or break his trust for you baby. <3

I hope you liked this, honey. :) Make sure to take good care of yourself and have an amazing day/night.

[old-hyper-super-clover]

"I like you the way you are."

Mammon × Camy (MC) short story

Here's the first request story for my summer event! (Or at least kinda, actually I was the one to ask for permission to write this... xD)

The MC Camy belongs to my dear friend @sketch-guardian. I really hope I did this fluffy duo justice, it's a lot of fun to write those cuties (*´▽`*)

(links to: summer story Masterlist/ request rules)

Have fun~!

„We´re going to the beach?“

“Ya bet we do!”

Mammon was standing in Camy´s room, grinning all wide and excited as he told his human the news. “We annoyed Lucifer until he´d let us go, so now we´re having a vacation in the human world!”

The human girl gave a hesitant nod. She wasn´t the biggest fan of the beach, but seeing her favourite demon this happy was already enough to go along with the plan regardless.

As the words kept bubbling out of Mammon like a waterfall, he noticed Camy wasn´t really sharing his enthusiasm, so he took a step closer to the girl sitting on her bed, making sure to lock eyes with her.

“Whatever ya worry about, don´t. I´ll make sure you have the time of your life, okay? It´ll just be you, me, swimming hand in hand to our heart´s content… Alright?”

He beamed a smile at her, through which he missed the subtle flash of fright that went through her expression. Then, Camy curled her lips in a reserved smile as well.

“Alright. As long as you´re with me, I´m sure it will be great.”

-----------------------------

The inhabitants of the House of Lamentation are known for causing a ruckus. That didn´t change, even in the human world. Lucifer had his hands full with keeping his brothers out of trouble whilst not arousing too much suspicion with all those humans hanging out at the beach themselves.

As much as Mammon wanted to partake in this ruckus, he wanted to spend this time with Camy even more. He was waiting for her to come out of the summer cottage they have rented, feeling more nervous by the second.

The reason? Well…

Camy was known to wear hoodies, like, all the time. Mammon wasn´t one to complain about that, the hoodies made cuddling even cosier, after all. However, now that they were at the beach, the sun shining down strongly and the ocean waiting for them to take a swim, Camy would come out of the hotel in swimwear for sure.

Hence, the boy was nervous as frick. N-Not in a creepy way! But, ya know… Mammon had fallen for Camy big time, so obviously it would be a big deal to see her like this. Then again, he did not want to appear creepy, so he tried staying calm, but oh man, was it difficult to stay calm when he was so excited to hang out with her for the whole day, also his mind keeps switching back to the swimwear issue and his weak heart can honestly not cope with-

“Mammon? Are you okay?”

I would have loved to write out the kind of noise Mammon made when he heard Camy´s voice behind him, but this level of “Aaasdfdssdh” is not part of my vocabulary sadly. But what I CAN describe is the jump Mammon did while pressing out said noise.

“C-Camy! You´re finally done!” He laughed immediately after to distract her from his flushed red face – which lost its colour again when he turned to look at her.

“Uhm… Is something wrong?” Camy tilted her head, seeing Mammon´s almost shocked expression.

“N… No…” The demon mumbled as he was looking at her outfit: a shirt with sleeves all the way to her elbows, paired with some long jeans. “But, uhm… Isn´t it kinda warm in those clothes?”

The girl gave a shrug. “It´s fine. I´m not really planning of staying in the sun for too long anyway. Also I´m used to hot days from my homeland, so there´s no need to worry.”

“Oh, okay” Mammon replied, trying to ignore this tiny sting in his chest. Instead, he tried to focus on the cute smile on Camy´s face as she asked him to go search for a sun lounger together.

--------------------------------

As Camy didn´t want to go swimming, the two took a stroll along the seashore instead. At some point, however, Mammon had to take a little dip into the cold ocean water as his demon body wasn´t really used to the summer heat.

“Aaaaah… That´s way better…!” The boy was grinning from ear to ear as he floated in the water. “Oi, human, you sure you don´t wanna join me?” He peeked over to Camy.

She had rolled up her pants to at least put her feet into the water and was bending down to inspect the sand. “Yeah, I´m good” she answered, then turned around stretched out her arm. “Look! This seashell is super shiny on the inside.”

A little grumpy over her stubbornness, Mammon's face was forming a pout as he started to inspect the shell in Camy's hands.

"You're seriously interested in some crap that's swimming in the-" he stopped, eyes going wide as he saw the shell's shininess. "Woah. It's pretty."

A smile spread on Camy's face as she mustered Mammon's sparkling expression. "Right? And the outside has this cool, purple gradient. I've never seen one like this before..."

"There are different kinds of shells?" Mammon asked, to which Camy gave a nod. She explained as much as she could about them -- and suddenly, Mammon was digging in the sand, too.

The girl gave a little laugh. "What was that about 'some crap' earlier?"

A small tsundere blush showed on Mammon's cheeks.

"Well, I've never looked at them this closely before..." he pouted. "But everything sounds so interesting when you're the one talking about it..."

Now the blush had jumped onto Camy's face. Being a bit too flustered to respond anything coherent, Camy continued her search after mumbling a tiny "I see".

----------------------------------

The pair was really successful in finding a fair share of various beautiful shells in all forms and sizes. Mammon had mentioned wanting to show them off in some way, so Camy suggested they could make cute jewelry out of them.

The second Mammon's brain comprehended that would mean matching accessories with his human, he was sold. The demon had dashed back to the vacation home almost immediately to grab his phone so they could do a bit of research on the topic.

So Camy was waiting at the beach... Waiting for a weirdly long time. The scorching summer heat made it almost painful for her, even under an umbrella. Grumbling, the girl looked at her clothes, then over to the sparkly, refreshing sea. She didn't tell Mammon, but Camy was actually wearing swimwear under those clothes...

The girl let out a big sigh. She ached to dive into the cool water, but her stomach turned at the mere thought of undressing herself in front of all these people that looked so much... better... than her...

The intrusive thoughts kept nagging at her for quite a while, only being disrupted when Leviathan approached the girl.

"Camy! You're waiting for Mammon, right? It seems Lucifer told him to go get something from the store. Mammon urged me to tell you before leaving."

"Oh okay. Thank you, Levi! I'll just... keep waiting, then" she replied, eyes already drifting over to the water again...

------------------------------

Mammon was pretty pissed. He couldn't even remember doing that thing Lucifer had scolded him for, so why did HE have to go out to buy groceries that BEEL ate?!

He knew Camy would be waiting for him to come back, so he grabbed those onions and whatnot in the speed of light and hurried back to the beach. Panting from almost running home, he frantically scanned the sun lounger area for Camy... but couldn't find her. Also looking over the rest of the beach, there was no sight of her, either. So instead Mammon went up to Satan and annoyed him until he'd spill the information he needed.

... But Satan also didn't know? And after running back to the cottage to search there, there was still no Camy?? And she wouldn't pick up the thirty calls he'd already left her?!

Mammon's panic mode activated. He went to look everywhere all over again, from one end of the beach to the other. Just so holding himself back from literally turning around stones to search underneath them, he was about to go crazy as he reached the other end of the beach.

But then, as he passed a large boulder, he locked eyes with a girl in swimwear, half of her body submerged in the water...

The second he realised he was staring at Camy, Mammon let out a panicked scream. And simultaneously, once Camy understood Mammon had just found her as she was taking a swim, she was screaming, too. So while one was stumbling backwards into the sand and the other yeeted herself into the ocean, they were squealing out their panic from the top of their lungs.

It took a moment for both to somewhat recover again, but Mammon was the first one to look back at her.

"C-c-camy...! I was... You were..." His brain was running with way too much speed for his mouth to form the right words. Meanwhile Camy had emerged from the water just enough to breathe out of her nose again. She glanced at the demon in great embarrassment.

"You're... Swimming" Mammon then said.

Camy frowned. "... It was too warm, so I thought I'd manage to take a quick dip before you come back, but..." She mumbled as a response. "You were faster than I thought..."

A little silence came over them, with Camy trying to figure out how to save herself out of the water and Mammon trying to understand why she wouldn't swimming together with him earlier.

"Uhm..." The human spoke up after a while. "Y-you can go back to the loungers, I'll dry myself off and meet you there."

Mammon's response was a confused blink. "But if you're already in the water, I might as well join ya and we'll-"

"N-no!" Camy blurted out with a bit too much force. She immediately gained a worried stare.

"Camy...?"

So she grew sick of hiding those painful feelings. "Look, Mammon, I'm... not confident about my body. I don't like showing much of my body, especially since all you demons seem to be naturally good-looking... It's not that I didn't want to swim with you, it's just... I don't want to torture you with, well, the sight of me."

Her hands were cramped around her waist, and the more Camy spoke, the more she wished to submerge into the water again and never come back. It got even worse when Mammon wouldn't answer for what felt like eternity.

So eventually, Camy turned her narrowed gaze to look at him, only to find an expression of pure disbelief on his face.

"Camy" he finally called out.

"... Yes?"

Then Mammon stretched out his hand. "Come out of the water" he prompted, a sad ring to his tone. "Please" he added when Camy wouldn't react.

"B-but I don't want you to dislike m-"

"Trust me."

Slowly, Camy reached for his hand and got pulled out of the water softly.

She immediately had to endure Mammon's gaze, pressing her own eyes shut to not having to see his disappointment. The next thing she felt, however, was how Mammon's arms wrapped around her.

"S-stupid human" the demon mumbled against her head. His face was painted in the brightest blush as he tried to squeeze all his adoration for her into this hug.

"Mammon..." Camy blinked in surprise. "Y-you shouldn't hug me, I'm-"

"I don't care" he interrupted her. "Whatever it is, cut it. Actually, I should keep hugging ya as a punishment for saying such stupid crap."

The girl felt her eyes tearing up, but as Mammon really did not seem like loosening his embrace any time soon, she sheepishly wrapped her arms around him, too.

They listened to the mellow crashing of the waves, calming down more with every breath.

At some point, Camy felt Mammon shake his head.

"Really now..." He huffed. "I felt something was botherin' ya n' started thinkin' I hurt ya by accident..."

"What? No!" Camy gave him a little squeeze. "You're not the problem. It's just that I feared that you would... you know... be disappointed..."

"Camy" Mammon pulled back to hold her by her shoulders. "I like you the way you are."

They stared at each other until Mammon had to hide his rising embarrassment over his own words. "L-like, I... I think you're beautiful" he mumbled. "A-and...! As long as ya are healthy and happy, th-that's really all that matters, right?"

They hugged once more, partly because Mammon had to hide his face once again. But finally, Camy understood he was meaning it.

"Thank you, Mammon."

He gave a nod. "Make sure ya always remember that! And now... It's time to take another swim!"

With that, he tackled her into the water.

The girl was squealing, all puzzled, but Mammon wouldn't let her escape.

"I promised ya, it would be just us two and the water, right? And the Great Mammon is one to keep his promises!"

And as he grinned at her, Camy looked back with sparkling eyes.

"Yeah" she mused. "That's why you're so great."

[hargrove-mayfields]

Keep Your Heart And It’s Bound

Happy Valentines Day!! So excited to participate in all these cool events in this amazing fandom on my favorite holiday!! Here’s my submission for the @harringroveheart-on! Also posted to the collection on ao3 if you wanna check that out!!!

Prompts: Jewelry and Stuffed Animals!

Word Count: 1,247

Rating: G

Steve would have never dreamt in a million years that he would ever be the type to get married.

Time and time and time again he’d had his heart and his soul ripped out, by ex-girlfriends, by absent parents, by tragedy striking over and over in his life in any form it could show itself. He just never thought he would still have the room in his heart to love after it all passes.

But Billy Hargrove proves him wrong. Steals that broken heart of his away with every grin and bear it smile, fighting through his recovery like a champ until he’s ready to be discharged, and they’re moving in together.

Until Billy’s tying ribbons around the cracks in his wounded heart, slowly repairing all the hurt he still held there after so long with his skewed idea of what care should be, until there was no room left for the pain. Until there was nothing left but pure. unchecked love, adoration.

They're content with what they have, living out of a run down-ish apartment a few towns over from Hawkins so they could still be close to family, but far enough away from the place they’d almost lost their chance to have this life.

Steve gets a steady job at the café downtown to support them until he can get into college. Getting in is not so much about the grades anymore as it is about just making sure he’s around for Billy.

It makes them enough money to keep them on their feet, and that’s all they needed while they settled. This apartment wouldn’t be a permanent solution anyways, just where they would be staying until they were ready to leave back home to California. Because for Billy, the biggest thing they had to work towards for now was just him getting better.

At first, while they’re still adjusting to domestic life on their own, they don’t really celebrate much but milestones. Holidays are swept under the rug in favor of appreciating things like the first time Billy walks across the living room without a cane, and Steve’s first night without having any nightmares.

But once they’ve had another few years there, they start getting a little better at incorporating both.

Valentine's Day of 1990 is the first time they put up any decorations in their apartment, just a few window stickers and tacky wall hangings from the dollar store, but it feels special.

Especially because Valentine’s fell right between Steve’s birthday in early February and their anniversary towards the end of the month, it usually wasn’t even something they would bother with acknowledging. But this year, he wants to get Billy something.

He’s really not expecting anything in return, just wants to give him a gimmicky little stuffed toy that catches his eye while he’s out at the store, just to see his reaction, but Billy actually beats him to it.

He’d just woken up himself and started making breakfast for the two of them, when Billy shuffled into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around Steve’s waist, resting his chin on his shoulder. He was not a morning person by any means, grumbling something unintelligible into Steve’s hair.

Steve chuckles, tilts his head back and kisses Billy’s cheek. “G'morning to you too, Bills.”

“Got a present for ya.” Billy says, still all groggy with sleep.

“Did you?”

“Mhm.” With one arm still wrapped around Steve’s torso, he reaches into the pocket of his baja hoodie and produces a red velvet box. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Steve.”

A velvet box just like the ones that came from a jewelry store. Steve feels his heart skip a beat, out of anticipation, “I-Is that-“

Billy nods, sounding out of breath when he asks, “Will you marry me? Close as we can get to it at least.”

Steve turns in his arms so they're facing each other completely, presses a whole bunch of kisses to Billy’s lips. “Of course I will.”

Both of them have shaky hands trying to get the ring onto Steve’s finger, a beautiful gold band as thick as two of his mother’s dainty rings put together, with a blue circle cut stone in the center. It stands out against his pale skin, catches the light that’s coming in from the windows in just the right ways. He wants to cry seeing it on his finger, an actual engagement ring.

It wasn’t like he’d ever seen it depicted on the big screen, getting engaged. There’s no dramatically dropping down on one knee, though that could have been because Billy wouldn’t have been able to get back up if he did, and there are no moments wasted pondering the question for dramatic emphasis. It doesn’t feel like some perfectly practiced movie moment.

Instead, it feels real and like them and like the happiest moment of Steve’s twenty-four years on the planet earth.

There was still the matter of Steve’s own gift. After what just happened, handing over the stuffed dog seemed like a silly idea, and he admits it, “I feel kind of dumb giving this to you now.”

“Nothing dumb about it. You know I’ll use it.” He would too. Sometimes Billy would panic after bad dreams and didn’t want Steve to touch him, so they had a couple of childhood teddy bears and the like around to help with that, so truly, he would. But then he sweetens the deal even more, says, “Besides, it’s your first gift to me as my fiancé.”

“Your fiancé.” Steve repeats, a flush appearing to his cheeks because the title gets to him. He’s used to being Billy’s pretty boy, his baby, his lover, his any other nickname under the sun that Billy might come up with, but fiancé, that’s something else entirely. He finds himself overwhelmed with the urge to say, “I love you.”

Billy smiles bright, takes his hand in his and brushes his thumb across the ring on Steve’s finger. “Love you too, Stevie.”

It wasn't entirely a surprise that Billy proposed. They’d talked about it a lot when they still weren’t sure of just how many years Billy would have left after his injuries, but now that the doctors were sure his heart wouldn’t be giving out any time soon, Steve had thought that this would be a way down the line thing.

The wedding definitely wouldn’t be for a long time, if ever it even happens, but Steve’s just happy that he can say Billy, the only person who’s been there for him 100% of the time, who he’s got to witness overcome so much, the man he’s proud of and falls in love with just a little more every single day, is the one who he’ll spend the rest of his life with.

He couldn’t think of anything he would want to be different, in that moment.

Sure, it was true that he’d maybe like to have a little more money to get himself educated, get Billy some better treatments and a better space to recover in, and that he’d rather them be in California instead of Indiana, where Billy still called home after so many years, and where they might have the liberty to do something about upgrading that beautiful ring on his finger to a wedding band, but he wouldn’t exchange that for what he had now.

Because they were happy, after everything, and Steve had finally found himself somebody who loved him unconditionally, even without those other things.

[the-ghost-king]

Will Solace Headcanon's because I think too much:

Nobody asked for these, but you can have them anyhow, because Will is soft and I want to talk about him

This boy was absolutely obsessed with the Barbie movies as a kid, like obsessed. His favorite was probably Princess and the Pauper, or one of the mermaid ones.

He also definitely had a Monster High phase, I don't take criticism (his favorite was probably Vipierina or Sirena- I probably spelt those wrong)

(Maybe an Ever After High phase too... But that was probably towards the end of his doll phase)

He was totally into Victorious, Big Time Rush, and all the other "classics"

He had a pair of bright pink cowboy boots that he wore all the time (Texas, am I right?)

Something like this (I don't take criticism it's canon now):

The second pair of shoes might look funny because I edited a picture of my boots, but that's something similar to what I mean by "rainbow boots".... Maybe a little bolder though, leather colors instead of just stitching.

He wore those shoes everywhere until he was like 7/8 and he basically refused to wear any other shoes- Naomi bought some duplicate pairs in bigger sizes

When he finally did outgrow them/start wearing other shoes, Naomi bought him a pair of rainbow ones as a replacement (because rainbow boots are cool damn it)

He didn't (and still doesn't) hardly eat any sugar, he likes sweet things but he always feels really tired after so he just doesn't eat them all that often (Strawberry Ice cream will always get him though)

He got his ears pierced for his kindergarten graduation, just little pink studs (because I hc him as being born in October)

His mom tried to talk him out of getting both his ears pierced, but Will wanted it done that way so she relented- it looks really nice though so she didn't regret giving in

Will doesn't like dangling earrings because he doesn't like how they feel when he moves his head, so he mostly just wears studs/posts, and small hoops

You will get him to wear dangling earrings if they're something odd

Will has a whole collection of really nice earrings and another collection of crazy ones, like hamburgers and fries or tiny ranch bottles

Will has some weird affiliations with shoes

To start off he absolutely hates shoes (like Dante Quintana level of hatred for most shoes)

But when Will does find a pair of shoes he likes and will actually wear they're usually obnoxious in some manner

For example, his bright cowboy boots

He also enjoys shoes like Crocs, slides, Birkenstocks, Vans (because he's bi/pan/omni), and the bulky white Fila shoes

Will is basically a VSCO girl, full stop 🐢

(He buys those Shelly Cove shirts, Ella Elephant, and the Whale ones too- idk the names)

He has friendship bracelets on his wrists all the time, he doesn't really wear expensive jewelry (except for his earrings and later his wedding ring) but he values the braided thread bracelets just as much

He takes them off when he's in the infirmary because they're a hygiene/safety concern and he doesn't want them ruined

He'd wear oversized shirts but he's a little tall so he struggles to find anything that fits him big

(I personally hc him to be like 6"2-8 but to each their own; if you don't understand my Americaness then 182-207cm)

He wears those sweater crop tops that all the tik tok gays have? They wear them with sweatpants and bulky white tennis shoes...

These:

(I struggled to find an "appropriate" picture, but similar to this)

He overheats a lot (he's basically a human furnace) and he likes them because they keep him cool~

(He's definitely cut off old T-shirts from camp/bands/vacations into crop tops too once they start getting a bit older- he probably cuts off old hoodies too)

Flower Crowns ✨

He is really good at making them, he did it a lot as a kid (him and all his friends would make necklaces/bracelets with wildflowers/weeds on the playground) so he does it at camp too

Will is "best friends" with everyone, even the Nymphs who don't usually like most of the campers welcome him excitedly

Will doesn't understand why people at camp like him so much, but who wouldn't want an extremely nice southern medic to take care of them?

Also Will is like, genuinely soft

He's a Patroclus type character- just genuinely good at heart in all ways

That's a quality hard to find in a lot of demigods, especially those that are battle tested, but Will is just so unapologetically kind

(The fact that he's attractive definitely adds to his likeability )

He's not model level attractive but he's still a 10, he's "girl next door" kind of pretty (like a male version of Penny from Big Bang Theory or similar)

He probably gets a 7w6 on the enneagram test (he definitely has 8 wing access though, he just leans 6)

(Nico is totally a 6w7, fight me)

Will usually ends up the leader in a lot of different situations, he's mature, intelligent and respected so people usually just naturally follow his lead

He doesn't usually trust other people to be in control of a situation because he doesn't think they're considerate enough to the situation, and because of this he finds them unfair

If Nico or Clarisse is around he usually steps down and let's them handle the situation 100% because he trusts them full heartedly

If Will gives leadership to you in any way that's how you know he trusts you- most people he gives trust to situationally, like the 7 and Reyna

(Part 1/?) I definitely have more to say/add to this but I'll stop here for now because it's lengthy!

(All the pictures do have a alt text added)

[clearmillerart]

Actually, genuinely find your design to be so cool and eye-catching? Do you have any personal headcanons/ or ideas you like to follow for your own designs?

Thank you!

I don’t really have much hcs design-wise, cuz most of my designs are heavily inspired on other’s designs in this fandom (no one specific, i didnt stole or anything, just did my own vesion with the things i liked the most) I have somewhat vague headcanon that techno keeps his braid that long cuz he wasnt allowed to have long hair when he was young And the lenght of his braid reminds him how long he is free from any restrictions Nothing else in his design have meaning tbh, cuz i automatically started to draw his mask as a sheep-skull just because i have the most knowledge anatomy-wise of this skull, my hand just remembers how to draw it And also I have a real sheep skull irl so free reference But in my mind it doesnt represents specific animal, its more of a warning Ang the fangs keeps the pig-vibe :) Im trying to keep my designs in a specific style for a specific person For example Wilbur is grunge I like the feel of old and patched up clothes in his style, the many layers of clothes, the specific textures of it Techno in comparison is more elegant, i think that his clothes made of silk and light leather, but his cape is goddamn massive Also I really like to draw jewelry (like massive rings, earrings, etc.) on him, but I never had a chance to show it fully, maybe I’ll do that later Dream doesnt have a specific style, but i like to keep his design detail-heavy, with all the straps, armor pieces, pockets, his weirdly structured hood I like the idea that he wears a simple hoody, but his design is still detailed af Also I follow my vague headcanons of difference between him and Techno in theirs fight styles, I think that Dream keeps his clothing and armour light so he can keep the speed of his movemens, his mobility and agility, but Techno is more of a tank characther who relies on his strengh and stamina if that makes sense The presidency-gang I keep in classic outfits and it looks really weird next to designs of others but I like that weirdness cuz I don’t think that every detail of this universe has to make perfect sense, you know? Most of their designs is just the idea that they all wearing something thats comfy for them I hope that makes sense cuz I got distracted so much while writing this post Also I’m dyslexic so pardon for any mistakes 

[cottegecorepanarabread]

imagine - tsukiyama

ok so I wrote this with a concussion I got in a car wreck and that is why I have been gone so lone but here is this and you can also find my other works on ao3 at https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothgf_24

Tadashi woke up with Kei’s arms loosely around him. They were at Kei’s house for one of their regular sleepovers. Tadashi turned around to face Kei. Tadashi admired how the sunlight streamed over his relaxed face.

“I love you,” Tadashi whispered, then pressed a kiss into his forehead.

He found his phone under their pillow and scrolled through messages through the night before. Hinata and Kageyama were fighting in the now third year’s group chat like normal. He responded to the usually good morning message from Yachi. He also sent her a picture of Kei sleeping. She responded back with something about how they were cute. He opened his messages from Kageyama to something that surprised him.

Kageyama had sent him several pictures of different piercings with a message that read, “I’m really thinking about it.”

Tadashi: Why not do it. I’ll come get some too.

Kageyama: I’m not 18 yet

Tadashi: Yeah that’s right. I’ll try to call in a favor with someone I know.

“Who are you talking to this early?”Kei said in a tired voice.

“What are you jealous?” Tadashi teased.

“Well whoever it is is the reason you don’t have your arms around me, so I’d say I am.” Kei pulled Tadashi closer to him.

Tadashi wrapped his arms tightly around him.

“How do you feel about getting your ears pierced?”

“Where is this coming from?” Kei asked.

“Well Kageyama sent me some pictures and I said we should go get some. I thought this could become a group actively.”

“I have actually been thinking about some piercings, but does this have to be a group activity?” Kei frowned.

“Tsukki please, we can go get boba by ourselves afterwards. Plus there is gonna be a surprise and you are really gonna like it”

“Fine.”

“Thank you Tsukki.” Tadashi pulled him in for a kiss. “Now I have to make a call.”

“Hello, world’s best piercer and chaotic older sister, Saeko Tanaka. How can I help you?” She said upon picking on the phone.

“This is Yamaguchi.”

“Aww, hi future in-law what can I do for you today?” He could almost hear her smile.

“So you know how you said that you would forget my age if I let you give me that piercing.”

“Oh my god, are you gonna let me do it!”

“Well yes but I need you to overlook someone else’s age.”

“Yeah sure whatever. I’m free from 11-2 today so come by the studio.”

Tadashi hung up and looked at Kei, “so what are the piercings you wanted?”

Kei went to his bookshelf, pulled out a manga, and handed it to Tadashi. He looked at the book first noticing the name, blue period. Tadashi noticed the piercings on the ears of the person on the cover. 2 cartilage and one tragus piercing.

“Tsukki you have to get these!”

Kei smiled, “yeah that’s the plan babe.”

Tadashi and Kei met up with Hinata and Kageyama at the halfway point between their houses and the tattoo parlor. Hinata pestered Kei, trying to get him to say what piercings he was getting.

Kageyama looked lovingly at Hinata.

“Dude, you are whipped.” Tadashi laughed.

“Uh,” he blushed, “well you are too.”

“Yeah,” Tadashi sighed looking at Kei, “I am.”

“Wait Yamaguchi, what are you getting?”

“Just an industrial.” Tadashi smiled innocently.

Yachi greeted them at the studio. She was already there since she had brought Kiyoko lunch.

“Ok, is everybody here and ready.” Saeko said, putting on her gloves.

“I want to go first!” Hinata shouted running up to her.

“Alright, come with me.” She pulled him off to pick his jewelry.

Hinata fidgeted as he sat while Saeko prepped all her stuff.

“Kageyama,” he squeaked, “come hold my hand.”

Kageyama smiled and took his outstretched hand. He let Hinata squeeze it to the point it was white as the needles went into his ears.

“You're doing great, baby, but you knew it would hurt and you still wanted four.”

“I’m trying to look cool so I will scare everyone who tries to steal you off.” Hinata frowned.

“That’s cute, but stop moving if you want these to be even.” Saeko rejected his head.

Hinata’s piercings were finished. He revealed his constellation ear to Kiyoko, who smiled with approval. Kageyama went next and got a rook and conch. He held Hinata’s hand softly, but Tadashi noticed he was biting his lip hard.

Kei went next.

“Want me to hold your hand?” Tadashi asked.

“I don’t really need it but any excuse to hold hands with you.” He smiled, taking Tadashi’s hand.

“I’m telling your brother you said that.” Saeko laughed.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

Kei took his cartilage piercings well. He lightly held Tadashi’s hand and frequently looked down to smile at him. His tragus was a bit of a different story. As the needle went in Kei let out a soft “fuck”.

Tadashi shuddered and blushed, catching Kei’s eyes.

“Look if you are gonna get horny over this, I’ll send you over to Mad Dog-Chan.” Saeko snapped.

A “don’t fucking call me that you old hag” come from the other side of the studio.

Saeko just laughed and rolled her eyes.

“Ok Yama, your turn.”

The piercing was over quickly. Tadashi didn’t mind the small pain. He has his fair share of piercings, but he still took Kei’s hand.

“Ok Yacchan! You’re up!” Saeko called.

She wiggled out of Kiyoko’s arm, coming over to get everything set up.

“Do you want to wait for Kiyoko or do you want to just do it now?”

Yachi looked over at Kiyoko who was checking someone in. She shook her head. Kageyama offered her his hand. She gladly took it. Tadashi took her other hand, and Kei and Hinata placed a hand on her arm.

“Thanks guys. I really appreciate you all.” She smiled big.

She got her septum done and squeezed Tadashi and Kageyama’s hands the whole time.

“Yacchan, you look so cool.” Saeko showed her in a mirror, “ok so Yacchan’s is on the house so how are the rest of you paying.”

Kageyama pulled out his credit card, “here this is for all of them.”

“What! Kageyama you can’t do that.” Hinata yelled.

“Yeah I insist on paying for Tadashi’s and mine.” Kei frowned.

“Look,” Kageyama said, “my parents give me all this money and I never use any of it. Other than hoodies since hinata takes all of mine.”

They finally agreed to let Kageyama pay for them. Mostly because Saeko had already taken the card.

“Ok y’all can all go wait outside, I just have to talk to Saeko about planning out the rest of my ear.” Tadashi smiled.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay.” Kei took his hand.

“Yeah of course. I’ll meet you at the boba place ok.”

After they left, Tadashi turned to face Saeko who held up two small barbells.

“Ready?” she smirked.

Tadashi sat down at the table with the others.

“Dashi?” Kei stared at him, “what were you really doing?”

Tadashi stopped feeling everyone's eyes on him.

“Fine, I got another piercing.”

“You did what!” Kei said.

“Wait where?” Hinata asked.

Kageyama remained quiet.

“Well Saeko said that if I let her give me this piercing she would look past Kageyama’s age.” Tadashi explained.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Kageyama said, feeling guilty.

“It’s fine. I really wanted these.”

“Tadashi,” Kei said calmly, “Show me the piercings.”

Tadashi lifted his shirt revealing nipple piercings.

“Surprise?” Tadashi said nervously.

Everyone turned to look at Kei who was bright red.

[fisheoctrashdump]

Cecilia 1-20 (with Damon, Nova, and Zeon)

Holiday

Samhain is one of her favorites. She uses that day to honor the dead. Originally, she started celebrating it so she had a day to honor Emily and feel closer to her for a night. She brought Andreas into it when her uncle (his brother) died, and it's something they celebrate together. Jase also celebrates in honor of his aunt. It's not an all day thing, though, considering that day is also Halloween and Tuesday's birthday (I think).

Cooking

Cecilia is a decent cook, having learned a lot from her dad. She doesn't do it often, though. When she does cook, it's normally dinner rather than an earlier meal. Breakfast and lunch consists of junk food and iced coffee unless someone else makes those meals for her :P

Sleeping

She sleeps a lot, but her schedule isn't consistent. She stays up late most of the time, but doesn't have a set time for when she sleeps. Pretty much always, she's awake long past the time her partners fall asleep. She uses this time for different things, such as art and music, but sometimes she uses the time to reflect and cry.

She sleeps in a t shirt and underwear unless she's cold, then she actually puts on some pants and wears a hoodie to bed. She moves in her sleep a lot, but amazingly not enough to bother her partners (well she has with (Jase cause he's such a light sleeper, but it's only happened a few times).

Also, she's like always tired no matter how much or how little sleep she gets.

Driving

For a while, Cecilia had a lot of anxiety at the idea of getting her license. She used the fact that she dropped out of school as her excuse for a while (because she couldn't get her license until she turned 18 if she wasn't in school.) After that, she just avoided the subject. Andreas offered to teach her and promised to be patient, but she couldn't bring herself to do it.

After they get back to earth, Cecilia decides to take driver's ed and learn from an instructor. Not sure how long this takes her, but like

Once she actually gets her license, all the shit she learns goes to the trash folder in her brain. She drives better than Jase does, for sure, but just like. Doesn't pay attention half the time. She's had a lot of near accidents because of this, but luckily she hasn't actually had an accident.

Bathing/showering

She showers with Tuesday like a lot ._. um, but other than that, I imagine the times that she's staying with Jase she uses all the hot water. It's usually not a problem cause Jase showers at night, but like once their kids are thrown in the mix it's like

Damon: MOM I need to shower before school >:(

Cecilia: maybe you should get up earlier, then :)

Until the kids actually do get up earlier and use all of the hot water as revenge.

Hugging

Cecilia is a very casual hugger. She hugs people with one arm or really quickly, usually. Jase (and probably also Tuesday) are way opposite and hug her so much and for so long lol when it comes to her kids, Cecilia saves her hugs for when they're needed.

Kissing

Cecilia is more into kissing than she is hugging. She initiates kissing with her partners a lot, regardless of where they are. She is a great kisser owo

Sex

I did something about this already ;_; but umm hmmm….. yeah I got nothing else to say ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

General physical contact

Cecilia doesn't mind physical contact. She prefers to keep it limited to the people she's really close to (Tuesday, Jase, Andreas, Johnny, and Michael) but if someone she's acquainted with initiates she is usually okay with it.

In gen2 (with her kids) she is more affectionate with Nova and Zeon than with Damon (which will be discussed more later), and she's also very affectionate with Elena and Kat.

Physical appearance

Between gen1 and gen2, cecilia's hair is pretty much always shoulder length. In gen1 she has red and orange hair with a side shave, but in gen2 she has purple hair with just longer bangs.

I imagine Cecilia being one of those people who always looks way younger than they actually are. In gen2 she looks like early thirties even though she's 47. She tells people her oldest kid is 21 and they're like "wtf no way"

Wardrobe

I went super in depth about her wardrobe on her character sheet so lol

In gen2 I don't think it would change a whole lot. At work she probably doesn't wear hoodies as much though, probably both so she can show off her tattoos, and also so the sleeves don't get in the way of her work.

Jewelry

She has a tongue piercing. And umm idk what else. Other than maybe another piercing, Cecilia isn't big on jewelry. She doesn't even really like wearing rings, so she keeps her wedding rings on a necklace chain she tucks it under her shirt.

Nickname

Celie is everyone's nickname for her. Jase likes to call her "Celie-love" and she pretends she doesn't like it lol

Dancing

She doesn't dance.

Singing

She doesn't really sing, either.

Anger

She gets irritated at little things very easily, but she calms down from it pretty quickly. Cecilia doesn't often get really angry, but if she does, she will give the source the silent treatment. Disagreements between her and Tuesday (which are rare) are handled differently, though. And she never takes her anger out on their kids, no matter the circumstances.

Soft spot

Tuesday

Raccoons and possums they're her favorite animals

The moon :)

Johnny and Michael

She doesn't like to talk about it, but when the three of them were younger, Clay was a soft spot for her. She didn't try to defend him from their peers for nothing. Obviously that's not the case anymore by the start of gen1 events

Favorite possession

Until she passed it onto Jase (and he passed it onto Zeon) it was her flower agate stone. She acquired it not long after her suicide attempt, and she carried it everywhere with her. It even survived the whole kidnapping and running from the kartoffian government thing lol the stone was a symbol of a new beginning in a life she now felt hopeful to have a future for. She gave it to Jase for a very similar reason, and by the time the stone reaches Zeon, it's filled with so much love :')

Her favorite possession after this is the first sketchbook she received from Tuesday when they were younger. It was mostly blank by the time they got together, so she dedicated the rest of the book to filling it with pictures and notes about their relationship, and she will give it to Tuesday on a milestone anniversary.

Other than those two things, I imagine she still keeps a few things that used to belong to Emily, a gift she got from Michael at one point, and some things she receives from her kids over the years.

Favorite photograph

A picture of her family when Emily was still alive. Cecilia did her best to cut her mother out of the picture. It was one of the few pictures she has with both Andreas and Emily in it, so she decided she wouldn't let her mom's presence ruin it.

I've also been imagining a picture of Cecilia and Tuesday together during Tuesday's graduation :')

Relationship with ___

Before I go into these, I wanna point out that Cecilia isn't as close to Damon as she is to Nova and Zeon. This is largely due to the fact that Jase obviously favors Damon, and she felt she needed to make it up to the other two.

Damon

Damon and Cecilia have a lot of issues they don't talk about. Damon feels Cecilia isn't interested in having a relationship with him anymore, and it upsets him a lot. Cecilia feels Damon relies too heavily on Jase fixing his problems, and she wants to see him be more independent.

They don't dislike each other, though. Damon still tries to see Cecilia, and Cecilia often gives Damon encouragement to achieve his goals. It's not hard to see they both have contributed to the wall between them, and that Cecilia doesn't have this wall with any of her other kids (or with Tuesday's kids, either.) A source of conflict between Cecilia and Jase is how they parent Damon compared to the other two, but no one else knows about this. They can never seem to find a resolution to this issue, so it remains untouched :/

At times, Cecilia feels that Damon is closer to Tuesday. The problem is, all of Damon's parents/parental figures want to see him succeed, but they all have very different approaches to their relationship with him.

Nova

She has a really good relationship with Nova. During the whole time Nova was in Italy, Cecilia was the only person Nova kept in touch with pretty much daily. After the chova breakup, Cecilia was very concerned about both of them. With Nova being so far away, she dealt with a lot of fear about how Nova was handling things by herself. Until this point, she had had no issues with the idea of Nova pursuing the travel lifestyle she'd always wanted.

She never voiced these concerns to Nova, however. She did attempt to encourage Nova to repair things with Jase and Chuck, even though Nova seemed sure that she never would.

Zeon

She's closest with Zeon. She is always taking him on secret outings without the rest of the family and getting him little things. Sometimes they will spend an entire day together ;w; I've always imagined Zeon in general isn't very outspoken about what he's thinking and feeling, but with Cecilia he is more so. It's a different type of vibe than what the type of communication he has with Jase (who elects to read Zeon's mind) and Damon (who usually just assumes what Zeon wants without really asking).

With Cecilia, he can tell her as much or as little as he wants, and she will always look for his consent in any activity they do before they do it. Cecilia very much fills the fun yet understanding mom role for Zeon.

(of course this is headcanon time so I'm just throwing out things I've thought about and it's cool if he's not actually like this)

[nctzendreamz]

One Year Anniversary w/ BTS

a/n: i had written this so long ago, but I thought you guys might enjoy!! <3333

jin:

how would he feel?

i feel like this would be a very big deal for jin and he’d make sure you knew it too. with his hectic schedules and time being limited, the fact that you haven’t left him yet is a celebration within itself, but he still can’t help but wake up and feel like it’s a dream to be with someone he loves and admires so much.

what would y’all do?

definitely a stay in the house kind of day. you are an extreme homebody, so you didn’t have any problems with that. he would cook your favorite meal and the two of you would just eat and talk with each other about things going on. time would just be flying by with the two of enjoying each others company like it was a first date. your heart still skipped a beat when you heard his laugh, and his practically jumped out of his chest when your smiled radiated against him. expect passionate love time after your stomachs get settled as well.

what will he get you?

honestly, I feel like jin will get you a whole bunch of nick nack type of items that are special to your relationship like a picture of the two of you, a carving of a baby tiger that you can put on your table because that was your favorite animal to play with when he took you to the zoo, while also getting you a few personal things you like too, like a bracelet with your initials on it, a necklace with your favorite shape as the charm.

[[MORE]]

yoongi:

how would he feel?

yes, I’m fully aware that yoongi is not some emotionless man who doesn’t have a care in the world, but regardless I do think he’s a lowkey person. what I mean by this is that when it comes to your one year anniversary, he might feel head over heels about it, and want to plan this whole romantic thing for it, but you might catch him not exactly showing it by being all over you until later in the night. he would show you more affection with an abundance of gifts and not words.

what would y’all do?

you and yoongi usually just chilled together at your house or his when you both were free to, but for your anniversary you both agreed that you needed to leave the house and try something different. you both would get dressed up really nice, and go to an expensive restaurant, laughing at the prices of the food compared to the actual size of the meal and even though you ate it, you would end up getting fast food after. yoongi would not be able to keep his eyes off you and every time he saw you smile or heard you laugh, he would want to pull out a ring for you to be his for eternity.

what would he get you?

this is gonna so so typical lmao, but one of the things he would definitely do is write you a song. i feel like music is one of yoongi’s favorite ways to communicate, so writing you a song would be the first thing he thought of. secondly, he would get the two of you couple rings. he knew you always wanted those and he also agreed although he would never be caught saying it out loud that when the two of you were far apart, it would make him feel like you were still connected somehow. yoongi would also get you bags and bags of expensive clothes and hoodies, followed by a matching watch to the one you bought him for his birthday a couple months before.

hoseok:

how would he feel?

hoseok would be so overjoyed that you’ve made it this far, and you’re gonna know it. everyday that you’ve been together has done nothing but give him this warm feeling that he didn’t know he needed, and you truly are his best friend in the whole entire world. he loves you so much and is so grateful to have you so he’s going to do everything to make sure you understand that.

what would y’all do?

the one thing the other members always teased you and hoseok about was how “high end” you were. after you started dating hoseok, in his eyes you became one, so everything he had you had too. we all know how lavish he lives, and your 1 year anniversary would be nothing less than that. he will plan a 4 day trip to Japan. hoseok is taking you shopping until your arms fall off, you’re going to the most expensive restaurant, you’re going to the nicest hotel in the city, he’s going all out.

what would he get you?

i didn’t realize I lowkey said it above, but most definitely takes you shopping. he will legit just follow you around the store, letting you model everything you buy for him wishing he could do this all day. he’s also another member that will have you ICED OUT! more than any other member tbh. y’all will have so much matching jewelry, but his favorite was the gold J chain that you eagerly put around your neck.

namjoon:

how he feels about it?

oh does this boy love you more than anything. he might not have told you everyday, but you are his rock and his soulmate for real, yet he’s similar to yoongi in the sense that he’s not over the top about showing how he feels. actually, for the whole year you’ve been together namjoon has been lowkey, only allowing you to see his “soft” and complete boyfriend material side, nobody else. on his Instagram he posted a few aethstetic pictures and you could get the occasional women crush wednesday on his snap story, but the rest was really between the two of you. it was something you often complained about, which is why on the day of your one year namjoon really did try his best to be extra romantic.

what would y’all do?

another trip taker. he made it a surprise as he knew you’d never offer it even if you thought about it as you knew how tired he was. you woke in inside of a house with him sleeping beside you. yes, he rented a whole house for y’all to stay in for the weekend as he had to get back to work on Monday.

what did he get you?

instead of writing a song, he writes you a long poem about how favorite things about you and how much he loves you. namjoon isn’t much of a icy man, but he knows you love jewelry so he gets you plentiful.

jimin:

how does he feel about it?

y’all know jimin is somehow a soft baby but at the same time the manliest man ever. like idk what it is about him, but I soooo see him as the “I’m sweet&goofy to my baby but I can also get serious” type of guy, and that’s definitely what you’re gonna see. he’s gonna take your one year very seriously and he's so blessed to have you in his life. for every day that you’ve loved him, you’ll get all that love back in one day. he knows y’all have had your ups and down and just like Jin there were times where he swore you would leave him because of the hectic schedule, but y’all made it and he loves you so much.

what will y’all do?

thankfully, your anniversary fell on a time period where bts had some time off, so he got you a week vacation to busan, where you two honestly didn’t do anything over the top compared to hoseok. the both of you were perfectly content staying in bed all day, catching up on all the love you missed out on while the two of you were at work. he’ll continually post you all over his (private) Snapchat story to brag to all of his friends and members about the great time you’re having, and he’ll cook for you legit everyday. like it might as well be your birthday because he’s not letting you love a muscle even though it’s a mutual event.

what did he get you?

i feel like I’m saying jewelry for everyone but they all be low key blinged out I can’t help it. another couple ring appreciator. in yours, his initials were carved in the inside, and in his yours. he also gets you the most sentimental gift ever. a whole book with all your memories. pictures and pictures ft more pictures of every date, every selfie ugly or cute, and lastly a letter. in this letter jimin would tell you everything he’s never said. he’d tell you about how after the two of you hung up on FaceTime when he was on tour, he cried when he thought about the fact that he couldn’t touch you, kiss you, wipe your own tears away that he had just saw before the call ended. how just the sound of your laugh can cure any depression, sadness, or worrieness he feels. all of that.

taehyung:

how he feels about it?

it wouldn’t hit him until the day before that you two had made it this far. he would be so quiet and people would think he was upset, but in reality he couldn’t be happier. every memory would run through his mind, and it would put a permanent smirk on his face.

what will y’all do?

another trip taker. he asked you a month ago if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be, and you said Aruba. now you were in Aruba. he would be sure that he didn’t have any conflicting schedules, and would try to make it the best vacation ever. the two of you will do everything possible to do.

what did he get you? other than Aruba lmfao

a lot of clothes. he had thought long and hard about it, and he felt this was the best thing to buy. he also wrote you a letter like jimin, but he wasn’t very confident in it. he tried his best to express himself on paper, but how could he put his love for you in words? it was impossible.

jungkook:

how does he feel?

jungkook is going to try his hardest to be cool about everything. of course he will tell you how much he loves you, but he still will be fighting to be relaxed and calm about it all. it wouldn’t hit him until the day was over that he had truly reached a milestone with you.

what will y’all do?

in reality, he would want to take you on a trip so bad. he didn’t care where, he just wanted to get away with you. but he wasn’t allowed as bts was still promoting, so he had to settle on two days with you, promising more later. the fact that you said one day would’ve been okay made him feel even worse. he had let you plan it out since you told him you wanted to stay home. the two of you cooked together, failing horribly but making more memories. as you ate, you would just talk forever. it’s 1am, and you’re still talking. after that, you’re going to bed and not leaving until he has to leave again unless one of you have to pee.

what will he get you?

when he gave you a bag of photos, you thought it would be pictures of you, and some were, but a lot were pictures of nature.

“they remind me of you. even though you’re more beautiful.”

he would also get you jewelry because...it’s a must. he had a shopping spree waiting for you as well, but he was saving that for when you two actually had a vacation.

[dzpenumbra]

11/6/22

I'm not as high as I've been getting tonight. Not that that's a problem... just an observation. Today has been... non-traditional. I made a new friend, which is pretty awesome. Got to talk life and common hobbies and learn about astrology and reconnect with poetry. It was just a really nice day all around.

It's really hard to convey to others the massive change in energy flow throughout my day when there are other humans involved. That sounds so fucking hippy-like to say, but like... even if you're not into spiritualism, I'm talking about like... ATP. Like potential energy, like you drink coffee to give you energy, you run out of energy you feel tired, you sleep and eat to recharge energy, that energy. We all talk about it, every day, so maybe we can be a little less eye-rolly when people say "you're throwing off my energy, man." Because we can all relate. There are some people that charge you up, there are some that get charged up by you, there are some that drain you, there are some that get drained by you. It's just kinda how things work, and it's insanely complicated and I don't wanna pretend I know the first thing about it, but we all know you can really feel it when you're around someone who charges you up. Who inspires you. Who gets excited with you, and gets you excited. It's something that I gravitate towards and I cherish the moments they are present, even if they can sometimes be fleeting.

But having been in isolation so long, I've had a few false starts with things like this. My grumpy self-doubt side comes along and goes... yeah... give it a few months, they'll get pissed off about something about you. And he can just fuck off for a while. I think we all have that side, and yeah, he might have some evidence from experiences with other people. But I try really hard to give everyone a fair chance based on their merits, based on their choices and their intentions. So if I really want the world to try not to judge me, I need to make sure my judgement is a reaction as well, not preemptive.

So my day was kind of a whirlwind. Kinda... just swept by. I wandered all over the house today. While exchanging messages, I sanded some new stones. I worked on a piece of petrified wood, some blue mineral that needs to be shaped a bit and a softer black stone that smells like a bit like it has sulfur in it - I just tried looking it up and couldn't find out what it is. The black one is pretty much cleaned up and done.

I made some food and moved into the studio, I brought my hoodie but I didn't keep the attention span enough to work on it tonight. I read a bunch of cool excerpts from books that were sent to me, I looked up the hours of the Michael's closest to me - like a 30 minute drive one-way. I saw they have Instacart, I was very tempted to say fuck it and get shit delivered. Art/craft stores are like... my fucking shit. I loaded a cart with a bunch of different types of hemp twine, I found a bunch of mineral beads like Tiger's Eye and Amazonite and black Banded Agate. But all it took was one crack in the dam. I saw that some of the beads advertised as minerals were actually glass. A lot were dyed. Some were advertised as stuff like Moonstone, but were actually lab-grown minerals that look similar. I got really bummed. I started removing all the minerals from my cart, didn't know if I could trust them. If I'm going to make something special for someone, I'm not going to cut corners on materials for them. I want real leather. I want good quality, well-processed hemp twine. I want real minerals, guaranteed. I don't have to hand-process every piece of the jewelry I make. I don't have to smelt the copper and form it into wires and then shape it, unless I want to. I don't have to carve the wooden beads by hand (though I actually could...) okay... bad example... um... I don't have to shape mineral beads by hand, because making perfect spheres and drilling through them is... well it helps a LOT to have the right tools. So I'm going to try to source minerals from a more reputable dealer, one that doesn't go for the cheapest option available. And I remember the thought running through my head, "it's kinda a little weird that I'm gonna get way higher quality shit on Etsy than from an actual arts and crafts store, let alone a franchise." But c'est la vie.

Then I looked at the suggested delivery tip for like $30 of hemp twine - like 7 bucks. I was just like... yo, I would NOT do a 30 minute delivery trip for some dude for 7 bucks. That's kinda fucked. And I felt really weird tipping the driver like... the price of the twine... But... My car still isn't inspected... So if I drive up tomorrow, I risk a ticket. If I get delivery, I pay twice the cost, or I screw over a delivery driver. Or... I order from Etsy and just wait a few days. I think I'll look into that tomorrow.

I really need to figure the car out though, might just set up a backup appointment with the dealership and see if I can reach the vintage car restorer dude with all the minerals and everything like... whenever I can get my social anxiety to fuck the hell off. That way I'm covered either way, I can always cancel.

I did some stretches and shit with my foam roller. I swear to god, I cannot recommend foam rollers high enough. Once you really start to understand what it is and what it does, they're great. I did a bunch of rolls and stretches and massages on my hips and sacrum, my hamstrings and eventually stretched a bit of my shoulders and neck too. I felt so much better, I had no idea how bad my back and hips had been getting.

I want to fix my posture. It's really bad. And keep doing like regular stretches and stuff. Being sedentary and having PTSD really fucked with my body, it really took a huge toll on my joints, tendons, muscles, nerves, all of it. I'm lucky I'm still young enough to pretty easily bounce back, but dude, it starts getting a lot tougher once you get past... I don't know... 30? Especially if you're not active. And I don't mean like... go to the gym for an hour every day but spend the rest of the day sitting on your ass at a desk. Like... "up and moving throughout the day" active. If you're not, something's gonna start locking up and carrying stress, and once you find those spots and start unlocking them... holy shit is it like... a giant breath of relief.

Like I've had these knots in my shoulders since... as far back as I can remember. Massages are literally my favorite thing in the world. They are really hard for me because I am extremely tactilely sensitive - natural sensitivity plus trauma plus being in a family that does not show physical affection at all, not much affection of any kind to be honest. It makes physical touch very overwhelming for me, but something unfathomably sacred to me. Beautifully powerful, reverent. Therein lies some pretty deep trauma when that sanctity is... misused. Maybe let's say... undervalued? Underappreciated? I digress...

I remember getting massages when I fucked up my shoulder from lifting heavy boxes of frozen shit when I was a full-time baker at a bagel shop. The doctors (you know, my neighbors in the 4000 person town I had been living in since I was 10...) refused to give me muscle relaxers or anything because I was a male in my mid-20's wearing a black hoodie with a beard who smoked cigarettes. Like the doctor literally told me to my face that I was drug seeking and asked me to leave. When I could barely lift the boxes I needed to lift to do my job. This was like 10 fucking years ago too, man. Good lord. Like... just get to know your fucking neighbors and you'll know real fucking quick which ones actually have drug problems and which ones are actually just trauma kids who are trying really hard to stay on the Good path. The Jedi path.

So because I couldn't get any kind of med at all to help, and not even a diagnosis... I went to a masseuse, one that my mom had seen before. I had like never done that before. And she was kinda cute, not really my type but, it didn't hurt. The poor woman, in hindsight I probably reeked of cigarettes every time I went in there, I would 100% smoke on the drive over. Whatever. XD Gotta get some insecurity in there, right?

I'm getting to the knots, I promise. So this woman gives me a massage and comes across my shoulder knots. See, my shoulders have always popped. Sometimes several times. Now, they pop like 3 distinct times on my right shoulder alone. All knots. She explained where they were, she said she had never felt anything like that before. I blushed. XD Aw shucks, ma'am. I'm... naked under a towel and you're telling me you've never felt something that big before. Oh my... This ain't that kind of story, trust me. She said my knot in my shoulder (I think I had one at the time) was like the size of a raspberry or a small grape. She tried to work on them a bit, but obviously when they get that bad it can take a bit more work than just... one massage.

So... that whole story was a round-about way of giving the history that my shoulders have always been like... a focal point for my stress. And my jaw and neck. And my posture has been shit, so my neck is pretty well fucked from that too. So I started doing a little neck stretching and shoulder opening and it made me feel things I haven't felt in a long-ass time. I've spent so much time fixating on my hips and lower back that I basically just skipped over my neck and especially my shoulders. I rarely stretch them. Skating is all leg and hip stretches for me.

So... note to self: do regular posture adjustment using a DIY posture board (a piece of wood angled up with a book), and do regular neck/shoulder opening stretches. Here's the kicker - do them in the place of smoking a cigarette. So if the "I want a cigarette break" urge ever crops up, allow it, and redirect it into "I want to stretch a bit". And take some damn deep breaths too. Smoking was good for forcing me to pay attention to my breathing and regulate it. So that can be a nice addition, a nice substitute.

I was trying to find a good yoga app, but they all seemed expensive and targeted towards people that aren't like me. So... I don't know, I was discouraged. To install and sign up for an app, then have them just prompt me for a credit card before I even know what the app offers. Like I get it, but idk man. I just stepped away. The dude whose videos I watched today was from some chiropractic and rehabilitation place it seemed, somewhere in Michigan I think. He seemed very focused on doing stretches and stuff safely and cautiously, which appealed to my inner self-helicopter parent. And the stretches made an immediate difference. So if you're having neck and back pain, I think it's worth getting ahead of it and adding in some basic stretches. It takes 60 days to build a habit, they say. 2 months. So if I can get a good routine together, and a good schedule, I can ring in the new year with some much healthier coping mechanisms and rituals.

Max played a lot today. I mean, now that I'm talking about it, she was a bit of a nut today. In all good ways. She went exploring in a rotating cabinet and got sorta stuck for a minute while I was cooking, and luckily I heard her and let her out and she purred. She played 3 damn times today with these new toys that are like toys on a fishing rod and fishing line. And I used to fish topwater for largemouth bass back before I became a bleeding heart, so I know all about how to maneuver bait for an apex predator. In fact, in the future, I might just put a toy on an actual fishing rod instead of just having it statically attached, so I can cast and reel it. Pure predators are so fun to play with, so interesting, it's a rush. I love playing with Max again. I feel bad I didn't for a really long time, but again... regrets... we all have them... and all we can do is do our best right now.

This time change kinda threw me off, I had no idea what day it was... I saw a message at like 1:30 AM, then my response later was at 1:00 AM... and I was like... um... what the fuck? So... that's a trip. So I guess it should be 7 right now? But it's 6? I don't know. I'm really lost in time today.

And to really amplify that theme, I watched a few videos on Frank Zappa's The Black Page, and David Bruce's The Blacker Page, and really complex rhythmic patterns and stuff. Talk about lost in time... Try nested tuplets. That shit... I swear unless you've been studying music theory for a decade, you might as well just try your best to imitate the sound of it. I can't even conceptualize a triplet nested in a septuplet. It just makes my brain fizzle. But listening to really cool organic polyrhythms and stuff puts me in a really cool mood. Rhythm affects me very strongly.

So I reeeeally want to figure out how to map my fucking drum kit to Cubase so I can record these drum beats. I've been tapping on my damn thighs for days now, all I want is to just... record some MIDI loops. Really wanna break through that wall, it's going to be so relieving. And then... then I can start really entertaining the real possibility of a new album.

It's late, I'm going to sleep. This is me sending an inspired smile out to the world. I hope we all can find a little relief from our burdens tomorrow, if only for a little bit. It is supposed to be the day of rest, after all, so... even if you're not religious - I'm really not - try to break through the cynicism and explore why rest/recovery, spending time with community and family, recuperating for an entire day of the week, would be something so deeply valued by so many cultures that it is considered part of one's responsibility in service of a higher power. I'd say it's kinda important.

[hibibun]

An Angel’s Gift

Series: End Roll Pairing: Chris & Russell (it’s still pairing if you squint), mentions of Chris liking Gardenia, and eventual Chris/Russell Summary: Russell convinces Chris to go to Gardenia's birthday party. Warnings: Mentions of child abuse, child neglect, and intrusive thoughts that contain gore. First part of the series: tumblr & AO3 AO3

“This feels weird I should just change back.”

“You look fine.”

“I dunno’ Russell… maybe I shouldn’t go. I mean she never said I could go—”

“She invited the whole class.”

Chris was fiddling with the buttons of a dress shirt that was a little too big on Russell as the other adjusted the collar for him.

“I look stupid,” Chris sighed more uncomfortable by how stiff the fabric feels compared to the well-worn hoodie he was used to wearing.

“No you don’t,” Russell answered though a bit distracted in trying to smooth out the fabric more. Neither of them had an iron and it wasn’t like it’d been hanging up in the corner of his ‘room’. Still, it looked a little nicer and more formal than what the delinquent typically wore. Gardenia hadn’t specified her party would be formal dress, but if it’d make Chris feel a little better to wear it then Russell didn’t mind lending him the shirt. It never fit properly on him anyway.

He’d finished to the best of his ability and stepped off to better look at Chris in the dingy bathroom mirror. If anything, the outfit only looked a little odd because of how much Russell was used to seeing him in more casual wear, but it definitely didn’t look bad. After another minute of fiddling, Chris eventually unbuttoned the top one letting the collar flare just a bit as he moved to put his earrings in.

“It’d look more… me if it was like this I think. Actually, this looks kinda’ cool doesn’t it?” Chris asked finding some solace in letting his actual personality show through a stuffy dress shirt.

Russell let a small smile fall on his face silently agreeing. He was curious and thought to ask about the earrings though if only because Chris had been going back and forth on it earlier.

“Ah… Gardenia said they looked cool before when I managed to say hi in class,” Chris blushed before hesitating once again, “…but maybe her dad would think it was bad or something.”

“Just keep them; it suits you,” Russell insisted before trailing back out to make sure he had everything packed. He wasn’t that close to Gardenia and as a result didn’t really know what to get her, but seeing a necklace in his mom’s jewelry box that he knew she rarely wore seemed like a good enough gift.

“I don’t want to make things awkward!” Chris explained as his hands hovered over the earrings already about to take them out again.

“If you feel weird we can just leave? I wasn’t planning to stay too long anyway.”

“I guess…”

For the most part satisfied, Chris gave up adjusting his appearance. It didn’t take very long to make sure his own present was packed away with Russell’s things and finish turning off all the lights before heading out. His mother had been vague on when she’d be home and seemed content to know he’d be eating over a friends’ house. There was no telling whether they’d stay at the party long enough for this statement to be true or not, but he figured it saved them money on worrying about dinner as his mother would be having someone else paying for her meal as well he assumed.

The actual trek to Gardenia’s house was a bit however, namely because of the distance. She lived in a nicer part of town, and the farther away they got from their usual hangouts, the more Chris’s anxiety began to spike again. Russell had been quiet for most of the walk giving the bare minimum when it came to whatever small talk his friend mentioned. Between fretting over his appearance and whether Gardenia would like his present—a cookbook—admittedly, he was mostly talking to himself anyway.

Russell only interrupted his ramblings to point out they reached their destination. The number on the plate was the same as the one written on their invitations, but it was the familiar faces of their classmates that gave away their location. He didn’t mean to come off as prickly—keeping up with others and faking the amount of genuine interest needed to keep a conversation going was something the shorter teen simply didn’t have in him. More often than not, too many subjects brought up were things he couldn’t relate to, or worse, ended up feeling envious over once the words left the other person’s mouth.

Being more social than Russell was, Chris was actually able to properly greet the few students who recognized them, as even if he wasn’t in class terribly often, he at least made a point to talk. The lack of enthusiasm to join in was typical of Russell, so Chris didn’t really worry. There was no way for him to understand just why the other rarely participated in conversations and took it at face value. Half the time, he couldn’t even be sure Russell was listening.

At present though, he was listening and even now the conversation made Russell uncomfortable. It seems the cake and dinner they’d all be eating was personally prepared by Gardenia’s father. He’d known all about how much the man liked to cook as it was something she’d talk about a lot—as well as her own desires to become just as skilled—but the snide comparisons his brain supplied about how different and unfair it was compared to how his father was couldn’t help but sneak their way in.

At least Chris no longer seemed nervous. Once it’d been obvious his presence wasn’t ruining the party in some fashion, he wasted no time in speaking to people Russell considered acquaintances. As much as it made him happy to know his friend could actually enjoy the party now, it didn’t help his own growing jealousy. Other people’s happiness often had this effect on him, but the more he was actually here the more he started to feel he shouldn’t have come.

A mocking voice in his mind reminded him that he could have convinced Chris this was a bad idea and they could have stayed home. He wouldn’t have had to see all these happy faces celebrating someone for being born when he himself had never experienced that happiness.

No longer wanting to stick around the cheery atmosphere, his own dark thoughts had driven him to wander off only thinking to mutter he was going to look for a bathroom. Once it had been mentioned, one of their classmates pointed out where it was and Russell didn’t bother staying long enough to confirm whether Chris could tell he wasn’t feeling well.

The party sounded dimmer from upstairs enough that he was imagining himself somewhere else. It sounded even farther the second the bathroom door was locked and he was holding his head between his knees.

Just once, he had wanted to put someone else’s happiness before his own. There was so little he had to feel happy about to begin with, but if Chris hadn’t brought himself to come to the party, there’d be a lingering regret about the evening and no matter how good a time they had Russell knew he wouldn’t be able to get rid of.

So for just a bit longer, he wanted to make himself put up with it. He was always selfish when it came to Chris so just this once… just this once…

As Russell made that resolution to himself and exited the bathroom, Gardenia was making her way out of presumably her room or some other family room on the upper floor. She paused to look down the staircase at the party in full swing, but her back was left completely open.

All his earlier contempt rose the longer he stared.

“She’s such an angel!”

“Such a sweet girl, inviting the whole class on her special day. How thoughtful!”

“Everyone must love her!”

Suddenly, he figured out just what bothered him about the whole thing. Beyond having never gotten the same kind of affection, it was something he was supposed to get today too.

It was his birthday too.

His own parents had forgotten and no one else had known, so of course they hadn’t said anything either. It’d been so long since someone besides him had mentioned it that he actually forgot entirely until just now. Unconsciously, his hand rose as he stepped closer. His steps were silent in comparison to the party below as the thoughts continued.

“I-I—you’re not gonna’ tell her this right? I mean of course you’re not you guys don’t even talk really, but I think I like her.”

“You really can’t tell her Russell! Okay!”

Why was she so lovely? If she was such an angel, then she should fly like one right?

Russell only thought to draw his hand back at the last second as the sound of a door closing behind them registered. At first, he worried it was her father or someone else from her family, but upon hearing his name he was surprised.

Chris placed a hand on his shoulder, slightly out of breath though wearing an expression of relief upon seeing him.

“There you are! You were taking a while so I thought you got sick. Or ditched without me,” his expression was sheepish at that. Seconds after he admitted it though does he actually take notice of the person behind Russell and what the implication of his words could mean.

“G-Gardenia! I didn’t know you were here too! We’d never ditch your party, Russell here just likes to go off without me a lot don’tcha’ buddy?” He paused in his frantic explaining to glance at his friend then back at her.

“Anyway, happy birthday! Everybody was wondering where you were, so you probably shouldn’t keep ‘em waiting.”

The birthday girl looked between the both of them unsure whether to be upset at the mention of someone showing up only to leave or confused as she was having trouble putting names to either of the boys’ faces. They had to have been from her class, but…

Ignoring his sentiment and subtle indication that she should head down to the party, Gardenia clapped her hands together pleased to have finally recognized the both of them.

“Oh! You’re the boys who are always cutting class! I left invites in your desks, but I didn’t think I’d see either of you here,” she beamed not at all bothered by the rather unpleasant rumors that surrounded the two. Some of them had to have been kids being dramatic since they certainly seemed friendly.

“Well, you better not split until after presents and cake,” She teased shooting them a playful smile before trailing downstairs. In a trance, Russell could only stare as the ends of her hair moving back and forth from her steps really did resemble an angel’s wings. Chris himself was distracted as he hadn’t expected her to recognize him let alone talk to either of them directly and the conversation replaying itself in his head was making his cheeks warm.

Only after another moment of their staring, does Chris think to say something.

“We should probably get back downstairs if you’re feeling better. They might be cutting cake soon.”

Not particularly interested in speaking just yet, Russell nodded to show he was listening before following him. Beyond nodding again when asked if he was feeling better, the teen actually tuned out most of what Chris was saying to him. A lot of dishes were lined up on tables likely for people to pick at, which given where he was pointing, was precisely what he was saying, but Russell didn’t have much of an appetite anymore and chose not to grab anything for himself.

Each and every smiling face they passed only worked to make him feel angrier and more depressed, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it. If Chris hadn’t shown up when he did, he’s almost certain Gardenia would have ended up at the bottom of the stairs. The thought didn’t frighten him or even really make him feel guilty though. Why had he thought about what Chris said about her before that urge struck him though?

Before he could focus too long on it, everyone was singing and Russell only had enough in him to mechanically mouth the words. He didn’t want to be here anymore. If it weren’t for the fact Gardenia had already made a comment about them planning to ditch and Chris likely asking about it if he left now, Russell would leave. As things were, he was stuck here watching her open presents with his jealousy threatening to overflow.

“Ahhh! This is so cute, thank you Russell!”

His prior feelings surprisingly crept towards guilt as she thanked him for essentially a stolen and barely thought out present wearing such a genuine expression all the while. Russell never knew what to do when people smiled at him especially when he was in such a foul mood.

“You’re welcome,” was all he ended up replying with though the words felt fake. There was no way Gardenia could have known what he had wanted and almost done, but it was unsettling how nice she remained towards him. Russell didn’t deserve it, and the more he watched her open presents the more he wondered on whether he even deserved a proper birthday.

The rest of the party became a blur even when he was dimly aware of Chris’s present being opened from how nervous the other got about it. What was actually said, Russell didn’t hear, but from how sheepish, yet happy he looked, it must have been a good reaction. He couldn’t stand seeing such an expression at the moment and if it weren’t for that being the second to last present the teen would have left the moment he saw it.

Part of him was tempted to admit it was his birthday too even though it would be pointless. Almost everyone at the party was an acquaintance seeing as he barely attended class when he could help it and any sentiments shown towards him would feel fake no matter what. It didn’t help that his mood kept oscillating between feeling bitter and guilty either.

By the time the party was wrapping up and people were waiting for rides home, Russell didn’t linger. He wasn’t eager to get home, but he certainly didn’t want to stay at that house any longer. Chris didn’t seem to notice right away that he’d left, but considering the teen’s destination was in the same vicinity of where his friend lived, it was only natural they’d eventually bump into each other.

“Man, I really gotta’ thank you for lending me this so I could go. I didn’t think she’d like my present or even really notice I was there,” Chris rambled while Russell contemplated ducking into a separate alley.

“I’ll get it washed and returned soon, I promise.”

The words received no response and they were too close to Chris’ home for the conversation to continue much longer, not that Russell was in the mood to lengthen it. There was only a few moments left for Russell to say anything, but he can’t bring himself to admit anything. Even if he considered the other a friend, there was no way he’d understand his jealousy and any form of comfort he gave—if any—would feel forced.

“Goodnight Russell, and… be careful okay? You’re still welcome over, but I’m guessing you’re not really in the mood, huh?” He gave a lopsided smile never sure on how to approach the subject of Russell’s bad moods. If he were honest, there were times those moods scared him more than just made things feel a little awkward.

As much as he’d wanted to tell his only friend everything, Russell did nothing. He nodded before turning back for the alley he had originally planned on going in and let the night take him.

It isn’t until a week later that Russell brought himself to go to class and leave the bathroom he called his room. The diary he admitted everything to served enough of a catharsis that even seeing Gardenia smile at him as he entered only spurned a tiny, quiet smile of his own.

She didn’t ask to share a birthday with him, and as for Russell, he’d simply never asked to have been born.