#BUT U HAVE OPENED THE PANDORAS BOX I HAVE BEEN TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

palepinklilies · 8 months ago

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the injury of finally knowing you

Note: Initially posted on ao3 but with a different title (this is my draft title btw); Trying my hand at posting my pieces here! I hope u guys read my stuff nd like em ^__^

Summary: Marriage is a vow… for better or for worse, for richer or poor, in sickness and in health… What’s to happen when vows are… wiped… erased… Or The one where Gojo Satoru fails to remember his darling wife at the right time.

wc: 10.2k

Chapter 1: Of lines and intersections (ch.2)

The last memory you have of him as he is, is a sore topic. Frankly, you blamed —is still blaming — yourself for the accident that befallen the sole person you love the most. Your husband, Satoru Gojo got into a terrible car crash that put him into a coma for half a year now, barely showing signs of regaining consciousness.

The night prior might be considered as your worse fight in the eight years that you’ve been together with Satoru. He always used to say that fights shouldn’t be slept in through the night, but not all things we want go as planned; because that night, you both had said words that couldn’t be taken back. Specifically, Satoru opened Pandora’s box and used it against you.

The cause of the fight wasn’t anything too destructive. Yet, it created a deep-seated wound between your relationship. It’s as simple as the talk of kids.

It’s not a sensitive topic in yours and Satoru’s marriage because you’ve already had a long conversation around wanting and having children of your own. For a while, both of you were on the same page: ‘no kids until we’ve established what we want to happen with our careers.’

Somehow, somewhere along the line, he wanted it differently. For quite some time, he’s been hinting making a family with you. It could be as simple as pulling you by the baby section in a department store, or showing you funny — adorable and cute — baby videos from the internet. At first it was endearing and warm to see him think about children so lovingly, especially with the prospect of one being half him and half you. But unlike him, you’ve yet to reach the dream younger you had always reached for.

Maybe it’s his leverage of having been brought up as a trust fund baby — someone with a golden spoon. While you had to work your way — with grit and passion, just to reach where you are now.

He’s Satoru Gojo, a genius business scion turned mogul. He’s already well respected, recognized and established for his prowess in handling many corporations and conglomerates under his family’s control.

Well you on the other hand… You’re still in law school. Against his insistence, you refused to use his money to attend law school after your pre-law undergrad. Which is why you had to apply for work to be able to afford it. One of the reasons for this is your pride. As foolish as it was, pride was your drive, not only because you didn’t want to succeed behind the shadow of his surname and money but also because you wanted to prove to his family that you’re worthy of being his wife.

Okay, but who is Satoru Gojo if not persuasive? Eventually he convinced you to accept his offer, albeit with your condition that the fees will be split in half and that it’s the only thing he will finance in your pursuit of a career as a lawyer. So when he threw those god-forsaken words of insult, it hit all your insecurities and broke you.

“I don’t understand why we can’t! I try to give you everything I can and yet this simple thing, you refuse to give to me!” His voice booms across the living room. Hearing those words only made you more heated.

“It’s not as simple Satoru! We… agreed. We agreed that we will establish our careers before we try for kids. Why are you turning back on that now?!” The pitch of your voice is starting to match his’ and the conversation was just escalating and getting more heated. The air feels heavy and your brain has triggered fight or fight and right now, fight seems to be the default choice.

“You wouldn’t understand me because you’re already at the peak of yours! — because your career is only moving up and forward. But what about me? What about my dreams?” Exasperated, you just sit down the couch, your head in your hands. Tears are also brimming your eyes and your chest feels tight and heavy.

Striking the iron while it’s hot, he resigns, “You know what, maybe my mom was right. I shouldn’t have married a selfish, poor girl like you.”

As if time stops for you; your voice gets stuck in your throat and the tears threatening to spill, had spilled. You didn’t know what or how to respond to that. Is that what he really thought of you?

For a few seconds, silence had finally taken over. The air felt suffocating. Leaving is the only thought you have above everything that’s been speedrunning your mind.

You wordlessly get up and brushed past him, only then does he see you tear-streaked face and your bloodshot eyes.

Feeling braised, he immediately realized the gravity of what he said. He quickly catches up with you as you scramble to pack a small overnight bag.

Everything feels heavy — feels tight, and all you can focus on is getting essentials: 2 pairs of undies and whatever clothing within your reach and your essential cosmetic products. Satoru watches you in chaos.

Before you enter the bathroom for your toothbrush, he wraps his arms around your torso, as if to restrain you. His head hung low atop your shoulder and you feel his ragged breathing. “Don’t leave. Please. I didn’t mean any of it. You can slap me, punch me or kick me but don’t leave, please.” A sob chokes him as he says the last word.

You’re also sobbing at this point, snot faced and all, barely able to say a word without hiccuping in between. It’s starting to physically hurt being skin to skin with him right now, so you break free from him. “Th-that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I… I just need time for myself.” You say as you step inside the bathroom. He just stands there silently crying, like you.

Before you cross the threshold to your shared penthouse he speaks, “I love you. Be safe.” More tears escape your eyes. He sounded so soft and defeated, and you know it’s nothing but sincere. Without looking back, you wordlessly shut the door until you hear the ping of the lock.

You stood in front of the door for what seems like a lifetime, crying and contemplating if you should actually leave knowing that once you do, something in your marriage will shift. Against all odds, you swallow the block in your throat and start walking away from your home, from your love, from your husband.

You ended up in a decent inn away from the heart of the city. Checking-in in a hotel was an initial thought, but with what happened hours prior, you couldn’t bear to spend more than you have to. It’s not pride — well maybe it is, however no one has the right to scorn you for choosing not to touch any amount in the shared bank accounts Satoru arranged after marriage.

Regardless, the salary you get as a part-time para-legal in a small law firm was enough to guarantee you the luxury of being away from anyone at the moment. You’re guaranteed the luxury of solitude, quiet and contemplation.

The life’s mundanity became an afterthought…ergo commitments left at work and in law school. You’d cross the bridge when you get there: you’d face the consequences of going AWOL once you’re mentally and emotionally fit to be back.

Three days passed and you still haven’t gone back to his penthouse. You also shut off your phone, disconnecting from everyone and anyone who can contact you. At one point during day 2, you felt homesick. You almost went back, keyword being almost.

The quiet and solitude gave you the opportunity to rest, sleep and tune everything out. You wouldn’t know how to face your husband anyway. Everything still hurts to the point that it feels numb. But then a thought crossed your mind: home. It was a fleeting thought, a snap decision if you will, but that same hour you packed up and waited for check-out time. You were going home.

An hour after check-out and you’re on a train back to your shared penthouse, which at this moment, is a gamble. Satoru’s spontaneous yet predictable (for you, that is). There’s a 50-50 chance that he’s home waiting for you while there’s also a chance that he’s at the office. There’s no moment for you to ponder on it, you just act.

Arriving, the only soul you’re able to meet are the trusted cleaners who comes and goes on schedule. You honestly forgot about their schedule, which is on a Friday. They meet you with curt greetings and smiles, which you return. You just hope that none of them have been talked by your husband into tipping your arrival at the unit.

Packing a small hand-carry luggage was quicker than you expected it to be. You take in a deep breath and think of ways how you can leave (without suspicion). Which is a difficult feat considering that one: leaving directly and walking out without a word would rouse so much suspicion. The word of the mouth isn’t so reliable and you wouldn’t want to leave and these people would make the false assumptions and tell on you; two: Satoru had probably gave the cleaners an order to inform him of your arrival and when you’d leave the penthouse.

Of both options, one thing is for certain, Gojo Satoru will follow you and will scour the whole of Japan just to find you.

You decide on a quick shower before leaving, which only took less than 15 minutes. You’re trying to minimize the time when Gojo could potentially come home if someone had snitched of your presence in the penthouse. Surprisingly, your exit went smoothly, even in the building’s concierge.

On the far side of the city, in the heart of the central business district, Gojo Satoru gets notified of your arrival in your apartment building. Quickly he tells his assistant to cancel today’s remaining meetings as he rushed towards the elevators. You came home. You came back. Satoru knows that this might be the last time he’ll see you. He knows he’s hurt you deeply. He knows the gravity of his words when he used the biggest insecurity you have in this marriage, hell, since the start of your relationship even.

On the monitor pad of his Jaguar, he had dialed your number 5 times in a row, only to be sent to voicemail. In all honesty, he’s praying to every god up there that you’re napping or doing other things that keeps you preoccupied enough to neglect your cellphone.

And right now as he’s currently speeding beyond the city’s limits, he’s left you yet another voicemail: “[name], hey, I’m still on my way back. I’m sorry for everything I said. I know I shouldn’t say it through voicemail but I want you to know that I am. I’m really sorry and I can’t ever justify the things I said. Wait for me at home, please. I love y-”

He wasn’t able to finish the last words when he felt a large collision against the left side of his vehicle. At that moment, time stood still for Satoru Gojo. One moment he was speeding forward with one goal in mind and in a split second he’s receiving a blunt force that made the car skid across the lightly trafficked road.

Nothing in his field of vision registered in his brain, it was all a blurry haze. Soon after the car skids to a halt, the last thing he sees is your contact name on the monitor pad before losing consciousness.

On the flip side, you’re seeing blurry hazes of Tokyo fading into greens as you’re seated on a train ride back to Sendai, your home — first home. Exhaustion is clearly seeping out from your skin albeit the lack of physical activity and work. Your mind is so muddled and fogged and it’s not helping that your brain is rejecting any other emotion aside from hurt.

Clarity and peace of mind is what you’re expecting from this short trip back home. In the back of your mind, a part of you is excited to return to your parents’ house, where you grew up and learned how to love and be loved.

After the train ride, the first thing you do is visit the cemetery. It’s been a year since you last visited and paid your respects. You brushed off a few dried leaves from the grave, and poured water over. “Hi mama, dad. Sorry it took me so long to see you again.” You couldn’t modulate your voice louder than a whisper with the tears that had started to streak down your cheeks. And there at your parents’ grave did you pour all the tears that you thought you had cried.

All the feelings of hurt, anger, pain, betrayal and most of all guilt came crashing down on you as sob your eyes out. It was only then that you felt you were safe to be vulnerable. Even without their physical presence, your mother and father had always been a source of comfort.

You kept whispering ‘sorry’s and you don’t even comprehend to whom and for what are you asking for forgiveness and reconciliation. Everything still feels heavy and all you want yo do is curl up and cry yourself dry. “Daddy I-i m-miss y-you… So m-much.” How you wished for your dad to be there. To be there and give you a tight hug and kisses on top of your head.

Catching your breath, you tried to calm down so you can vent to the empty air. Sniffling you start speaking softly, “Uh… I-i had a terrible argument with Toru daddy.” Verbalizing it only made you tear up again and a lump rise to your throat. Maybe this was what you needed: to be able to freely speak your mind without any external opinion that wouldn’t even help console your feelings.

“And it’s because I… it’s because I don’t want a baby yet…” your eyes shut tight and tears fell with it. “But I do want to be a mom so much… so so much especially if he’s going to be the dad… but I want to be a lawyer to the same extent.”

What stage of grief are you in right now? They say that going through the five stages of grief is non-linear. You could be in the first one: anger, then after a few hours you could have skipped to the third: bargaining. Some would even switch from one stage back to the other. Perhaps you’re in a limbo stage of feeling everything all at once? Is that even possible?

After crying in silence for what felt like an eternity, you stand up and dust your palms from the jeans you’re wearing. “M’sorry for not getting you guys flowers and forgetting to light some incense… I’ll see you at home…” You give a light touch to your parents’ names engraved on the stone.

The last time you’ve been to the house where you grew up in was the day of your father’s funeral. Entering the threshold once again after many years gave you a feeling of nostalgia.

You take in the dusty surrounding. All furnitures have been covered by drawsheets and the living room carpet had been rolled off to the side. Everything was almost the way that it was as you’ve last seen it.

“Mom, dad I’m home.” Only silence greets you, it leaves a bitter taste on your tongue that no one is there to greet you a “welcome home.” But still, you feel better being here. In a sense you know that your dad’s presence is here with you and that’s enough.

You decided to sleep in your parents’ room for the night so you left the luggage by the door and looked for cleaning supplies to tidy and clean the room up. In retrospect, you should’ve brought spare bed sheets and pillowcases, but you decided to simply run them in a nearby laundromat.

In the living room, you decided to look through photo albums for entertainment.

You’ve lived your life with your dad being the only parent you’ve ever known. Your mom died with the complications of giving birth to you with a weak heart. And your dad tried his best to immortalize your mom through pictures that they took during the whole pregnancy. Here you find the photo album you made of the first year you started college, the same year you met Satoru.

Coincidentally, snapshots of your relationship weren’t really put here on purpose — well for the first half of it at least.

Before you left for university your dad gave you one of his film cameras and told you to make and keep memories of college because it’s one to give the most notable memories of your lifetime. You think he was exaggerating then, but it made sense as you grew older.

Flipping the page, you see the first picture you took with Satoru and his group of friends. It was your first year as a university student, taking up literature, and he was in his second year. The only reason your paths had crossed that year was because you wanted to meet new people and make friends… so you attended a party without fully knowing how city kids define parties.

Initially, you attended the freshmen mixer within university grounds and it was fun! You met a sophomore guy who was one of the student council organizers for the networking event. His name was Suguru Geto. He had an aura that was enough for you to trust him… just a little bit though. Throughout the mixer event, you barely interacted with people your age. In your mind, you know it’s because of the fact that you were from the country side… who knows who or what city kids want as a friend right?

Admittedly, you did enjoy the mixer even if you were just seated at the corner. This went unnoticed to the senior members of the student council, hence, Geto approached you with a light taps on your shoulder. He simply gives a curt smile upon your surprised expression. “Hey, you doin’ good here? I’ve noticed you haven’t been going around talking to people.”

Embarrassing. You then reason out that no one wants to approach you or if you initiate, they usually cut conversations after finding out that you’re new in the metropolitan. “It’s fine though, I’m actually enjoying even if it doesn’t look like it. I just wish I can meet one potential friend.”

Now, Geto isn’t one to take pity in people. He’s got a quite awful attitude underneath his cool and calm demeanor. But somehow, he thinks you need a springboard. It’s out of his character to take strays in, but he does.

“Every year, after the freshman mixer, my friends and I throw a welcome party for students returning for the semester and for those new as well. If you’re interested, you can come. Just approach me after so I can write the address down.” He quickly bids you goodbye after that. You couldn’t even say a curt ‘thanks’ for his offer. Contemplating if you should go to that party is what plagues your mind as you decided to walk around in case you stumble upon someone who would appreciate talking to you.

So you did approach Geto for the address once the mixer finished… and you ended up in a… house… packed with young adults chugging alcohol, smoking and grinding against each other. You have half a mind to turn back and just enjoy the rest of the night in your small apartment, but you also wanted to experience the liberties of being a college student, namely the drinking and getting wasted privileges.

The loud bass reverberates against the floorboards and the walls of the entryway as you enter. Here you realize that you’re underdressed for the occasion. While other ladies wore micro-mini skirts, tube tops, little black dresses, and what nots, you were still wearing a university-dress code-appropriate outfit from the mixer earlier. You didn’t bother changing your cream skirt that goes just half an inch above your knees, a simple black halter top and a knitted cardigan over it.

Though you feel awkward and misplaced, you figure that you could find where they get drinks. You suspect that they’re in the kitchen, so off you go. Surprisingly, Geto is there too with a number of people laughing and bickering with each other once you stood by the kitchen entryway. He immediately took notice of you.

“Hey! Freshie girl you actually came! For one second I thought you wouldn’t.” All eyes went on you the moment he acknowledged your presence. It was agitating to be under their gazes, scrutinizing you, and perhaps the raven-haired boy took notice.

He motions for you to come closer to the kitchen island, “C’mon, what type of drink do you prefer? We have beers, cocktail punches… or are you a hard liquor type of girl?” His eyebrows raise, waiting for your response. “I’ll take the beer, please.” He takes a green bottle from one of the red ice boxes and pops the cap open for you. “Here you go, one bottle.”

You’ve only drank occasionally. Like during family festivities or birthdays, and those were limited to sips of cheap champagne and traditional sake. “I’ve told you my name but I haven’t caught yours, how do you want us to call you?” he asks before you took a swig of the bottle. You apologize and tell him your name, “Hey guys! This freshie girl right here is [name]! Be nice to her.” A series of ‘hey’s and curt waves were thrown your way and you slightly bowed your head slightly as encouragement of their greetings. “Well, this is a big party! I hope you meet the potential friends you were expecting from this afternoon.” After that you were left alone as one of the ladies in the group notified everyone of a ‘beer pong’ at the back area of the house, and they left.

The condensation of the beer bottle had transferred to your palm so you looked for paper towels and after that you went ahead back to the crowd and started walking around like a lost puppy. You expected something like this and it felt surreal to experience your first college party. Could be better but not bad for a first time right?

Surprisingly, the beer was palatable at least, but you start to think that maybe the offer of the cocktail punch could’ve been better. You passed by Geto’s group in hopes of being free from the cramped living room and he sends a small wave and a curt smile your way. You can’t help but silently herald him for being so polite, when his friends (in your assumption) are snobbish.

Beside Geto Suguru was his best friend, Gojo Satoru, and the raven-haired’s greetings to you didn’t come unnoticed to him. Suguru wasn’t the type to be that friendly, so naturally, it piqued his interest.

“Who’s that? Didn’t know you were into prude freshmen now?” He scoffs. The raven-haired tossed the ping pong ball, landing inside the far right cup, “I’m not. The girl looks like a lost puppy, felt bad for her that’s all.” Satoru just hums and takes his turn to toss the ball, he misses, and Geto knows it’s on purpose so he just scoffs. “Well, I’ll take a walk around then.”

In a less dense corner of the backyard, you tried angling the film camera so that you’d be in frame. You find that taking pictures of yourself like this is more difficult than if you’d use your phone. But maybe that’s the point of it all. You can hear your father say at the back of your mind.

“Phone cameras are becoming obsolete now huh?” You look to your side to see who’s come to intrude your bubble and what stands before you must be the prettiest person you’ve seen in your lifetime. Recovering from your surprise, you put the camera down. “Umm, I don’t think so?” He chuckles, “I’m messing with you. I’m Gojo Satoru by the way.” He offers you a hand and you shook it, also telling him your name.

He offers to snap a picture of you, which you don’t accept because you feel shy. You discover that this man doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer when he lightly grabs your wrist and takes the camera from your grasp. He starts pointing the camera at you, and you stand there in confusion, “well c’mon, strike a pose?”

And you do strike an awkward pose. Maybe this weird but beautiful guy can be your first friend? Or maybe he’s just looking for someone to hook-up with? That’s a common thing at parties… right?

Soon enough after Satoru had broken the ice between you and him, you find yourself back with Geto and his group, where you discover that he and Satoru are best friends. You may be naïve and new to these things but you weren’t stupid. The people in their circle definitely didn’t want you there. As you spent each passing minute in their presence, you piece that together as most of them choose to ignore you apart from the two men who took you under their wing.

It feels overwhelming having to do too much socializing for one day so you try to bid them goodbyes. Since no one acknowledged, you start to walk away, but someone grabs a hold of your arm.

“Leaving so soon? You haven’t even used the whole film roll.” He takes it upon himself to open your small shoulder bag and took the camera and raised it up, “Hey guys! say ‘cheese’!” He says as he wraps his arm around your shoulders and you look up the camera with a contorted smile with flushed cheeks. “Well then, see you around campus.”

Expectations always differ from reality because it wasn’t part of yours to keep stumbling across the silver-haired man. You could be in the classics section of the library and he’d coincidentally be there too, or by the university quad where you’d often write your essays and prose, and other unsuspecting places where you’d least expect him to be. At one point you suspected it was intentional but he just brushed it off that you were simply being so observant.

For the many months that you’ve spent time with him, you enjoyed his presence and completely, laughed at his jokes — saw him as Satoru and not Gojo Satoru, the scion of a multi-billion business empire.

But you knew to keep things platonic. At the back of your mind, you were certain that he’d never see you more than a friend he met in university. You were almost certain that the moment he gets his degree, you’d never cross paths and all will be part of your college memories. But really, not all expectations become the reality.

A huge chunk of the student body knew that Gojo was a notorious playboy. This is a false accusation and merely an assumption. Yes, he did like to sleep around but not as much as they say. If anything, Geto’s more of the playboy between them, who’s engaging in different set-ups with different girls almost every week! And he wasn’t able to shield you from the potential bad (false) things you’d hear around. But you weren’t just a notch in his belt.

He was able to show you a side of him only people he’s extremely close to can see and experience. You caught his interest in that party and never left his mind since. It feels foolish to orchestrate every single time you think you come across him in campus “coincidentally,” but he succeeded.

He used his charms — more like pulled off some strings, to get your schedule and he had everything memorized just so he can get a chance to meet you. Suguru had even called him a stalker for it and maybe he almost became one until you simply expected him to be where you are. Eventually, he got you — even if it took so much work and convincing for you to believe the sincerity of his feelings.

You’ve always considered him as a friend. A friend who you have feelings for, more like. Your subconscious would always tell you that if he did make a move on you, he’d leave you hanging and bruised. It was a simple push and pull: Satoru would make moves that seem to blur the lines of friendship and you would try your best to keep it platonic and not read into it. You’d always think he’d break your heart eventually, be it as a friend or be it as a lover.

So when you woke up in his bed naked after a long night of drinking and partying, you knew for sure that was the end so you left without a goodbye. Not a single bit of what memories you can recall from the night before were laced with regret.

When he rested his forehead against yours and kissed you with his soft lips, you didn’t pull away. You wanted to, but you didn’t. When he started touching — caressing you under your dress, you didn’t want him to stop. When he whispered sweet nothings as he plowed through your sopping gummy walls, you didn’t ask him to stop. How could you, when at that very moment it felt as if you’re the only people on this earth.

The boundaries you tried to keep for the past months of your friendship had been crossed the moment you let him kiss and undress you. It was a night of passion you couldn’t forget and regret. With a heavy heart, you walked away and left half your heart with him but with pride and dignity intact. You can’t ever be just one of his conquests if you’re the first to leave.

When Satoru woke up to an empty bed that morning, he was confused. It agitated him to see you nowhere in his suite and it didn’t help that you blocked him from everywhere he could reach you.

For the following days after that he’d leave class five minutes early so that he can catch you as you leave yours; Or, he’d try to catch you in the places on campus that you’d frequent during your vacant hours but to no avail, no one could ever catch a person who’s avoiding you like the plague. But still he was relentless.

Everyday he’d try to find you in the vast campus of the university. He tried to think how you would so he can anticipate where you’d probably go — was a hit or miss situation. But he was able to catch you in a back staircase made to be an emergency exit in the same building as most of your classes.

The thought was like an epiphany for him; he was staring at the narrow line of floor to ceiling windows by the back of the buildings when it occurred to him that you initially stayed there in your first days of university.

Even if he’s the captain of the basketball team, he was quick to leave practice saying some shitty excuse of an emergency, to which his best-friend just rolled his eyes at. He knew exactly why. But he didn’t pry nor try to tell on him. And so Gojo Satoru ran across the campus and skipped steps until he reached the 4th floor landing of the staircase.

You were mindlessly listening to a posted lecture on your student portal. You’ve been having sleepless nights trying to finish all the writing and literary analyses that was required of you. Eyes drooping and almost falling asleep, you were startled by another person’s presence within the landing.

It was the single person on campus who you’ve been trying to avoid for the past weeks. It’s the only person who’s taking up a huge space in your mind when you aren’t distracted by your courseworks or classes.

Catching his breath, “y’know- this is a clear breach of building safety codes-” pants “you’re an illegal obstruction to this exit [name].” He stands before you all sweaty and still in his jersey and you couldn’t speak, dumbfounded as you figure out how he managed figure out your hiding place. You were almost successful in avoiding him completely but he just had to chase and look for you.

“W-what are you doing here??” He drops his duffel bag at the base of the next flight of stairs and sits beside you. “Why have you been avoiding me? You even had me blocked everywhere!” Always the straightforward one, he’d always speak his mind.

This was a confrontation you have been dreading to face — the reason why you had to change where you’d frequent these past weeks. Coming to terms with sleeping with a friend is one thing but having to unpack sleeping with a friend, letting him be your first when you know you have feelings for him is a whole other different conundrum.

You quickly closed your laptop and fumbled with placing your notebook inside your bag. But before you could even take a leave, he grabbed your laptop and hugged it against his side — one that was away from you. “Give it back Gojo-san.” You can see him frown and pout at what you said.

So it’s just Gojo now? Not Satoru? How cold. How cruel. You’re such a heartless woman. How could you have it in you to immediately leave seeing him? Did you hate him that much? Why were you being so indifferent when you used to smile and speak with him warmly?

“No, not when I know you’d leave once I do. Not when you haven’t answered my question.”

You bit your bottom lip, why is he making this so difficult? You still try to reach for your laptop so you can leave but he just keeps it out of your reach, until you just give up.

“Why does it matter? Can’t I simply be busy with my own life?” You say as calm as you could while avoiding his gaze.

“Of course you can. I just want to understand why. Didn’t… did… anything from that night mean anything to you?”

And there it is. You hoped to avoid this, truly. But since it fell on your lap out of nowhere, might as well face it right? “Did it mean anything to you?” The way you returned the question took him aback. Your voice was suddenly laced with indifference and he couldn’t place where that should go.

“Of course. I wouldn’t have initiated that if I didn’t want it to happen.” He tried to hold your hand but you refused his advances. “How can I trust your words Gojo?”

He’s reeling. He knows where this is going. At this moment he admits that he approached things out of order. He wasn’t able to shield you from the rumors surrounding him and his “dating” history. He shouldn’t have given in to his emotions and took advantage of your drunken vulnerability. “Is that what you think of me? Is that how you see me?” are the only things that come out his mouth. You can’t help but feel guilty when he said that.

It’s true. You believed that there’s some truth to what people say about him and, that, along with your naïveté is enough to make you an easy target for him. You let out a deep sigh.

“It doesn’t matter. Let’s forget things happened alright? We’re still friends anyway.” Lies. You knew damn well you can’t stay friends with him anymore.

“No. I don’t want us to be friends anymore.” And there it is. A man of his caliber that has an equally large ego wouldn’t take it lightly — the way you left that morning without him having to put a word in.

But it takes you by surprise when he goes down a step and squats in front of you so you’d meet eye to eye. “I want you to tell me how you really feel. I want you to tell me why you think I saw you just as a body count.”

“You’re so frustrating Goj-” “Satoru. Call me by my name.” That shut you up. Everything is confusing and frustrating and all you want to do is leave his overbearing presence and cry your frustrations out of his sight.

“Why are you doing this? I’ve already slept with you! Isn’t it like rule number 1 to forget and move on to the next!” He could feel your exasperation the moment you finally looked at him with teary eyes and he only gently stares right back at you with his blue ones.

“If this is just an ego trip because I left without a word then you can just tell people whatever you want that’s in your favor.” By now tears have started to fall and yet your eye contact remains. He gently thumbs the tears away, “Fuck. You’re killing me sweets. It’s not like that… I’m sorry… don’t cry.”

It’s weird. It’s unusual. It’s confusing. It’s making your heart beat rapidly and makes your chest feel like it’s going to burst. And the next words that come out his mouth was just the catalyst for your emotions.

“Listen, to me you’re not just a body count. I wouldn’t go out my way to memorize your schedule down to the last second. If you were just someone I wanted to fuck, I’d have done that at the party.”

His thumbs caresses the apples of your cheeks and a warm smile grazes his lips, “I did all that because I like you. I took interest in you, for you… I’m sorry for doing things out of order. You have to tell me now if everything I did matters so I know when to back-off.”

The proximity of your faces and the way he holds you like you’re fragile glass makes your heart beat faster than it is. You take off all your inhibitions, all the weight holding you down and connect both your foreheads. It’s a risk but you’ll take it. “I… I like you so much Gojo Satoru.” It doesn’t take him much effort to mesh your lips together in a soft, chaste kiss.

After a few seconds he breaks away and you completely feel his lips turning into a smirk against yours, “So, the status between us now is girlfriend and boyfriend huh?”

The memory is fond, as if it happened yesterday and not years ago. From there your relationship wasn’t always sunshines and rainbows but you made it work. You both held on to each other. Love is also sacrifice as much as it’s to be received. You realize that you’d go through all of that again as long as you get to stay with the only man you’ll ever love intensely.

With a newfound sense of rationality, you realize that whatever happens, you’d come back to Satoru. You need to talk things with him in a more peaceful and stable environment. You realize that the only way to fix this is to hit the train the first thing tomorrow morning and go home to your husband.

Tokyo mornings will always be hectic as the crowd bustles to arrive at their offices, schools or whatever they had to do that day. Even if you took the earliest shinkansen that you could catch, the Tokyo crowd will always be there.

As you ping the elevators down to the lobby, your palms started to sweat and your heart, hammering against your rib cage. But upon entering your shared penthouse, it’s unnervingly quiet and still. “I’m home.” — no answer.

Leaving the luggage by the door, you immediately patter into your home gym. Considering it’s as early as 9 AM, your husband is probably preoccupied with his workout. With an expectant smile on your face, you walk inside to see no one, not a single trace of movement. Not a single trace of Satoru.

If you were nervous on the elevator ride up, you’re feeling something similar yet different in your gut. Rushing back to your bags, you rummaged for your phone. Cursing out loud that you left it off for days, you quickly turn it on.

Moments later and your phone is flooded with many missed calls, messages and voicemails from Satoru.

Lover ♡ 78 missed calls

Lover ♡: baby, I’m off to work. I love you. Call me when you see this. (Tuesday 7:12 AM)

Lover ♡: ugh this meeting is such a bore. I’m so packed with board meetings this week sweets. Hope to see you at home. Miss you. Love u <3 (Wednesday 9:43 AM)

What you weren’t prepared for was 5 missed calls from his father’s secretary with messages requesting you to call back urgently, and Suguru Geto leaving 13 missed calls and a message that made your hands tremble and the phone to fall onto the marble floors.

Geto Suguru: [name], i don’t know where you are but please call me as soon as you see this. Satoru’s been rushed to the hospital. (Friday 12:34 PM)

Your knees follow as well, hitting the hard floors as you silently weep alone. You were in shock. How? What? Why? were the only things running your mind. “It’s not… true?” you try to make yourself believe as you run up to the second floor of the suite, to your bedroom. Your cheeky husband’s just running a prank on you and even got Suguru and his dad’s assistant on board.

“Toru? Baby?” You say as you see the bed still pristinely made, just as the cleaners would’ve left it last Friday. “Satoru, this is a very bad joke. Come out, I’m not mad I promise.” Tears keep streaming down your cheeks as you make yourself believe in denial. Sooner, you’d call his best friend to ask where he is.

Suguru didn’t need to ring the doorbell for you to open the door for him. He’d already asked you to text him the passcode. It was kinda foresight on his part that you’d be a crying, confused mess so he took the initiative.

And just as expected, he arrives to see you hiccuping and sobbing alone on the living room floor. He approaches you slowly, “Hey, [name]. I’m here.”

In his head, he thinks that this situation is royally fucked up. You’re an absolute mess and he’s also a mess. Everyone’s a fucking mess with Satoru lying almost lifeless in a hospital bed and with you who’s yet to find out the state your husband is in.

Quickly wiping you tears and composing yourself, you try your best to greet Suguru, albeit in between sobs. “O-oh, G-geto-san! I-uh didn’t notice you e-enter.” Seeing your state, he decides that you’d need a primer for the events that happened in your absence.

“Have you eaten? I can whip up a quick breakfast for you.” He says as he places his hands on your shoulders and ushers you towards the breakfast counter.

“I’m fine… I-I’m n-not really h-hungry,” you try to steady your breath and words. The man before you is unrelenting though, he’s already rummaging through the fridge and has had water boiling in the kettle.

“Y’know, I’m usually never this enthusiastic about breakfast but I’m starving!” He turns around with eggs and a few tomatoes in his hands, “would you be a peach and make us warm tea? I already started the kettle.” His warm grin and presence grounds you for a moment and wordlessly follow his request. The raven-haired man huffs a breath of relief seeing you open some of the drawers for tea bags and sweeteners.

A few moments later, as he tosses the eggs around the pan, you speak again. “Geto-san… Satoru… is he– um, he’s just working on weekends again isn’t he?” Your voice starts to shake as you steep both teas.

Perhaps there’s really no way he can tell his friend, his best friend’s wife, that her husband’s currently comatose for rushing home to catch her. The finishes off the eggs with a dash of salt and turned off the range.

“There’s no soft way I can break this to you [name]…” Only then did you have the courage to look into his eyes. “Satoru’s currently in a coma. He got into a terrible car accident.”

He’s gauging your reaction. He’s purposely omitted the fact that his best friend ran multiple red lights and sped beyond limits because he caught word of you coming home. It would break you, and blame your self as the reason he’s in a vegetative state. “No… N-no you’re kidding… this is just some silly prank he got you in.” You chuckle without a trace of humor.

The man in front of you wordlessly plates the eggs and stale bread. “C’mon, eat up. I’ll take you to him.”

Suguru was patient enough to help you clean up yourself as he helped you to the bathroom and even got you a fresh set of clothes on the bed. But the gravity of the truth only weighs on you as you sit in the passenger seat and the familiar city streets and the hospital comes into view.

While the elevator lifts you up, your palms start to sweat; as if mirroring the events this morning but with more melancholy than ever. The sterile scent of the hospital is making your stomach sick and all you want to do is throw up.

You never liked being inside the hospital. It serves as a reminder of sadness, grief and death. And right now as Suguru leads you toward the VIP ward, your hands start to tremble and your pace starts to slow down.

Before the raven-haired man opens the door, you quickly grab his wrist, “Geto-san, I-I can’t. I’ll come back when he’s better.” You turn to leave and he is quick to grab your arms to stop you.

“Hey, I know this is harder for you, more than anyone else, I’m the only one who understands that. But please, for Satoru,” he says with a squeeze to your arms. With tears brimming, you nod, and he let’s one hand go to slide the door open.

When Suguru thought that this was a royally fucked up situation, he never meant it to snowball into this royally fucked up situation.

The moment after he slid the door open and you entered the room, he’s met by Satoru’s mother. And upon seeing your presence behind him, the woman immediately reached for you to slap you square in the face “You have some gall to show up here!! You witch!! How dare you! How dare you come see my son when you’re the reason he’s here.”

It all happened so fast that Suguru couldn’t stop the older woman from her rage and protect you from her misplaced anger. But still, he comes between you and Mrs. Gojo, “Auntie, please… not in front of Satoru… not like this… please.”

By that, the older woman’s cold, hatred-filled gaze had befallen Geto. “And you! I’m disappointed! You’re his best friend, how could you bring the very woman that’s the cause of my son’s suffering!”

“I apologize for not informing you beforehand, but she’s his wife. I’m certain that Satoru would want his wife to be here if he were awake.”

Trying to make yourself smaller, you just stood there shaking and silently crying, not registering how the confrontation is going down. What did she mean that it’s all your fault? You were the cause of all this? What did you do.

You tried to peek a glance out of Suguru’s broad shoulders, only managing to see the foot end of Satoru’s bed and hearing the beeping of various monitors.

Satoru’s in a coma. Your husband, your lover, is in a partial deathbed because of… you. Bile and guilt rises up, so you did what any coward would’ve done: you ran out.

Hearing the door slide open, Geto quickly turns to look at you only to see you take off. He immediately calls your name and runs off to follow you, his pace increasing as he tries to catch you, and he does.

Before you were able to enter the elevator, a hand grabs your arm which you try to shrug off. “Geto-s-san let go.” The man doesn’t, he wraps you in his arms instead; and there you cry even harder.

Geto feels… sad for you. He couldn’t ever imagine the pain you’re in at this moment as you keep saying ‘I’m sorry’s over and over again, in between your sobs. The best he could do was offer you a hug and pats on your back as you cried hard.

Suguru was kind enough to lead you to the hospital’s roof top garden to take a seat. He just let you cry all your tears, only offering pats on your back and a shoulder to cry on. Sooner the sobs and hiccups die down. Geto stood to get something to drink from the vending machine.

It seems mundane to sit in silence with the cold lemon beverage in your hand. Except, nothing about this is normal. This is a hospital, your husband is here, unconscious and barely living, and it’s supposedly all your fault.

By now, no more tears are left to be cried, you’re just staring blankly as if a void has materialized in front of you. “Geto-san, what did she mean by that?”

The man swallows dryly, thinking of ways to ease the information to you. “Hmm… you mean Satoru’s mom?” He tries to play the nonchalant one but your lack of any reaction nor reply tells him that he should just lay everything out in the open.

“Investigations during the day of the crash points to you and him having a conflict… The police said that the circumstantial evidences lead them to believe that he was driving beyond city speed limits distracted.” There’s no reaction from you so he continues.

“The footage on the black box of his car showed that he was talking to someone in haste… That he was trying to call someone repeatedly… It all pointed to you when the call registry log they had retrieved showed 28 missed calls to your number.”

Your nails start to fidget along the rim of the unopened can. So it’s like that. Have you not shut off your phone then you wouldn’t be here in this shithole. Have you just stopped being selfish and texted him of your plans and whereabouts then none of these things would have happened.

A hand on your shoulder is enough to snap you out from your thought. Turning to Geto, you give him a sad smile, “I’m sorry… I know I’ve been saying that for the past hour… but she’s right…”

The canned drink is taken from you and Geto opens it. “You don’t have to believe that. None of this is your fault. Hell, you weren’t even the one driving that goddamn truck. It was all… just… bad timing.” Geto tries consoling you. It’s true. It’s called an accident for a reason. No one wanted it to happen in the first place. He gets up and you just look at the hand he’s offering.

“So come, let’s go see Satoru,” he says with a gentle smile. The way you looked down at the drink and sipped on it is so melancholic. Shaking your head, “His mom is probably still there… I should just head home… and come another day…”

The older man just clicks his tongue. “Y’know that shouldn’t stop you from seeing him? You’re literally his wife. Plus, I have a feeling she left the hospital already. When have my hunches ever been wrong?” You resign with a sigh, stood up, and threw away the half empty can.

Actually, as Geto got you a drink, he already texted Satoru’s father of what had happened. He hoped that it would be enough to take wife off the hospital premises so that you could see your husband.

To yours and Geto’s dismay, Mrs. Gojo didn’t leave just yet. However, she wasn’t alone. Her husband is also in the room when they got there. Seemingly, this quelled the older woman’s anger that she held for you. “Auntie, sir” Geto says and you join him as he offers them a bow.

You don’t look any of them in the eye. Well, it’s rather difficult and you do have shame. After all, this was mostly your doing that their son is in that state. What shocked you is Seishiro Gojo approaching you; who gave you a brief hug.

“Welcome home [name]. It’s a relief to see you back.” The older man’s voice is stern yet there’s softness underneath. He is the first to welcome you back ever since you stormed out of your home earlier this week, and gosh did it feel so comforting.

Among all the members of the Gojo clan, apart from Satoru, he treated you the nicest. You’d even say that he welcomed you as a daughter and not just an outsider to the family, even though that only happened after Satoru fought neck and neck with his whole family the day he proposed to you.

You didn’t know what to say to him so you expressed your gratitude and kept your head low once again. This earned a snide remark from his wife, “Tsk, there’s no point in this farce Shiro.”

“Enough of that nonsense, she is family as much as anyone else in the Gojo family, and we are not doing this in front of Satoru.” It ends at that. Though you know for a fact that Mrs. Gojo will never let it go, ever. Because that’s just the type of woman she is.

After all the not-so-pleasant pleasantries, you finally got to see Satoru as a whole. It pains you to see him hooked to multiple tubes that’s probably there to help him stay alive. He looks paler than he usually is. There’s multiple minor cuts on his cheek, his brows and his chin. His forehead covered by gauze, which you’re assuming he’s suffered a fatal blow to his head.

The sight made you tear up again. Slowly, you walk towards his bed and with shaky hands, you reach for him. His hand feels warm and you think that’s a good sign. “Hi Satoru, I’m home,” you whisper and a single tear streaks down your cheek.

It takes you a long moment to absorb the feeling of being near him again. At the end of the day, he’s your person as much as you’re his’.

“I’m home… so…” Your eyelids shut close as you try to anchor yourself in this reality. “Wake up baby… please…” you whisper desperately, clutching his free hand.

Geto suggested that you stay here for the night as Satoru’s watcher, to which Mr. Gojo had agreed with. His mom was adamant and quick to leave a snide remark but couldn’t really go against the final word of her husband.

Soon the older couple left. Geto stayed for a while to answer some of your questions and got you take out before going back to the penthouse to get you an exchange of clothes.

As you sat on a stool beside your husband’s sleeping form, you couldn’t help but remember the last time you saw him. He asked, no… he pleaded for you to stay. That’s what probably hurts you the most; he practically begged you to release your anger and pain by hurt him physically so you don’t need to leave. You’d never do it, but now you regret leaving. Fuck. Sleeping in the guest bedroom would’ve given you the solitude you sought that night!

“Satoru… I’m sorry. I’m so… so… sorry I left.” The tears didn’t come as you tried to hold it in. You don’t deserve to cry, not with your husband’s current status.

Geto returns with a gym bag full of your clothes. He’s met by your hunched sleeping form, hand still clutching Satoru’s. He leaves a note on the bedside table and drapes a thin blanket on your shoulders. He hopes that you can ride the wave and see it through. You’re strong, he’s sure.

Days passed. Weeks passed.

Unable to commit to a full time at the law firm, you turned in your resignation letter and hoped they can understand the situation you are in. Law school semester continued and you try to juggle it along with looking after Satoru.

It’s been a month since the accident and you’re barely functioning outside the hospital. Partly, the reason for resigning was because you wanted to lessen the time you spent away from Satoru. He can wake up at any moment and you need to be there when he does.

Anyone who knows of your situation would tell you that it’s difficult to balance classes and taking care of your sick husband. It is. But you’d endure this for another year if it means that there is always a chance for him to wake up.

Besides, you plan on finishing this last semester so you can focus more on him. It’s almost mid-sem so it’s just a few more weeks before it’s over.

Everyday you talk to Satoru about your day. Sometimes you narrate a case that was assigned as a reading material and tell him the process on how you dissect it clause by clause, paragraph by paragraph. It’s futile though. He’s unresponsive. But people always say they can hear us speak to them. It’s never too wrong to try.

Geto drops by weekly to check on both of you. He had suggested you write down your day on a notebook so that when he wakes up, he’d still get filled in on the things he’d missed. His mother often comes as well. You know because flowers are constantly changed and replenished. Albeit, you don’t see her as often. You think she comes in the day when you’re in class.

Some nights are just harder than the others, you’d often wake up by your phone’s alarm, nose dived into your books and laptop after you passed out from studying all night or breaking down as you try to get your readings done.

Day to day life since you came back has been on auto-pilot mode. It’s a cycle of rinse and repeat. You wake up, check on Satoru, attend class, go back, check on Satoru again, study… it just circles back. So it is not a surprise that you passed out on the way to one of the lecture hall your class was held in.

White popcorn ceilings were the first to register in your line of vision as you opened your eyes. You assume that you’re in the university’s infirmary. You lay there for a few more minutes before the cream curtains are slightly drawn.

“Oh you’re awake! I’m Nurse Minato, you’ve been brought here after you passed out in the hallway… do you remember that?” You simply nod.

She does some physical tests on you to see if you’re still coherent and asks you some questions on your lifestyle, which you all answered truthfully and concisely… except for your monthly cycle.

“Alright, how about your cycle? Notice anything unusual?” She asks, eyes planted on the clipboard and scribbling down things. You remain silent, forehead scrunched down. Things were too hectic for you that you never really noticed if you had it the past 2 and a half months.

“Um… I’ve been too stressed out lately so I haven’t really noticed. Do you have my bag? I have a tracking app.” The nurse pulls out a caddy from under your bed and hands you your bookbag.

Opening the app quickly, you see that your cycle prediction show that your period’s been delayed for around 73 days. Now it’s not always accurate, but 73 days is extreme.

“Uh… it says here that I’ve been delayed for 73 days.” With that she stops scribbling and slowly looks up to meet your eyes. She says nothing and gets up to grab something from the cabinet fixtures within the room.

“Are you sexually active?”

Then it dawns on you. It is highly possible. The last time you had sex with your husband was when he returned from an overseas business trip to France. That was 2 weeks prior to your heated argument.

“Not at the moment… but I…had last contact with my husband a few months back.” She simply hums and hands you a pregnancy test. “Restroom is at the back. Come back when you’re done okay?”

You stare at the box as if it’s done you wrong. The possibility of pregnancy is actually high considering that night, Satoru asked you to hit it raw until you agreed. You laugh humorlessly. What great timing! The one time you have sex without the condom and he’s able to plant one in you?

Setting a timer, you follow the box instructions and collect your pee sample. Each passing second was agitating and had you shifting your weight from one foot to another, arms hugging your torso. What then if it reads two pink lines?

The timer blares and echoes in the confined space of the restroom. The irony of it all is that the baby you and Satoru had argued awfully about will be here in a few months. Fuck.

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo angst #gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #jjk gojo #gojo saturo #gojo x you #gojo x y/n

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fictionfolk-safehaven · 4 months ago

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CW: abuse, SA from a young age, depression, incest, intrusive thoughts. Long post, a bit of a doozy lol

Hi! we think this blog is rlly cool and it actually helped us a lot. like really thanks. We in general have a lot of intrustive thoughts but particularly ones about incest/minors hit us the worst, basically cuz our brain is just reminding us of trauma that actually happened to us. And it causes a lot of shame and self-hate, and even guilt. My name is Kaoru Hitachiin, from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Both my brother and I are in the system. In our source we are literally the "brotherly love duo" and in our system we are in a relationship. To give context.

We've existed since middle school, dormant I guess but showed up recently thanks to us seeing these posts and trying to understand people's perspectives better, because everyone deserves to feel understood. This caused us to reframe how we view incest on a more compassionate level. Like y'know it's not good, I'd perfer if people didn't have to go through whatever it was that made their brain develop that way but it's also not their fault. System wise, my brother and I would not have been able to exist prior to this understanding. Like, we literally would've crumbled with the inner shame and maybe even outside critic of other systems members, no matter how nice they all are. I know in their heart they'd be freaking out about it, and it'd make our intrusive thoughts worse.

It's not like it was easy for us either, Particularly Hikaru.

We got exomemories that aren't even from source. Memories of our uncle, SA, from 5 years old to Middle school. Often together. Everyone in the family knew, no one cared.

We thought we didn't need anyone else, no one else was to be trusted. He took care of me, I took care of him. We survived because each other. This was hard for me, I developed feelings for him since childhood, he only realized his feelings until a little bit after haruhi showed up in the show. and in real life this was something he knew but we had to work through immediately first day of hosting because of the stress is was giving us. Our "Brotherly love act" was supposed to just be that, and act. We thought it was funny and entertaining to make the girls swoon, we are performers after all. All the while my souls constantly being crushed like a garbage disposal, but I'm used to that by now, years and years of practice. And they made us like that in the show, so you really can't blame me for feeling these feelings , right?

Anyways, things are better now. We are happy, we've accepted that our happiness doesn't need to make sense for others, and that it's more valuable for us to do that than to desire for acceptance. Thanks guys for providing a space like this. Don't know if we would've showed up for a very long time without it.

I wrote a poem earlier, about this, and wanted to share in case anyone else resonated with it, as this is (my) first poem and I like it! It felt good to make, if ur reading this u should make a poem soon (that includes u, person scrolling) if u want

Old Memories Melt- Kaoru Hitachiin

But that was the past, and this is the now

In your arms I crave and your passions endowed

Your heart beats quicker than the rabbit I found

Dove into a rabbit hole so deep and profound

I've been falling since a child

Drank the potion and now it's time for cake

Growing up is hard

When they've wrecked up your mental state

Pillaged our safest space

That is, Each Other

Thoughts began to spiral in fear of being outnumbered

Or of you, finding another

Leaving me Alone In the wreckage of the past without a word of Our present

Each smile and wink you give *Is* a Present

Wrapped in barbed wire- but I must open

Pandora's box

I must feel these feelings

Although it's Paradox

To love your brother

Ties the deepest knot

In my gut and my heart

So tell me it's wrong

Go ahead! If it weren't for him-

I'd be dead..

-🌛💐🌀

We're a bit exhausted this week (/lighthearted) so I can't put it into words as well as I'd like, but tbh I'm not sure if I'd be able to anyway. I genuinely can't express how much it means to us that this blog helped anyone to the point of like... headmates leaving dormancy because they're allowed to exist safely???? that's just. Genuinely unfathomable to me. I'm so glad that there's less shame within your system, and we're so honored to have played any part in that from our little corner of the internet.

We also have intrusive thoughts, and know from experience that trying to shame yourselves less for those thoughts and such can be so difficult. So points to you all for handling that.

-Archivist Phil

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xx-crystalshards-xx · 4 months ago

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*.... gives him a crazy dream about Cosmia and wakes him up in the middle of the night :)*

Cosmia sits on the other end of her L couch from Calcifer.

While the decorations are in the room, the air is tense.

Not with the tension that was there the last time they were in this room, something…much more threatening.

And yet neither of them refuse to address it. Cosmia sipping her still steaming hot cocoa, Calcifer looking down in his lap and fidgeting with his fingers, his cocoa sitting on the table in front of them as it cools.

The silence was deafening, shattered only by Calcifer’s nervous thoughts:

Are we really just gonna brush past the kiss like that? Are we actually going to talk about it?

The silence is practically strangling him now as he waits to see what she dares to do.

“So….about the kiss….”

She said it so flatly. So dryly. So….empty.

“About the kiss…?”

She placed her cup down as her attention end was once turned to him again, her expression utterly readingless

“Why’d you do it?.”

Despite her tone being the the same as before, there was now an air of ostracizing to it, like she was egging Calcifer on to just give him further to fall

“Wh-what…?”

“Why’d you do it? I told you we were friends, no?”

“Well- yes- but I thought- with everything- and we were— it- it felt right in the moment! I’m sorry Cosmia, I didn’t mean to overstep! I—“

Before he could event attempt to come up with an explanation, Cosmia stood up

“I don’t think we can be friends anymore Christopher.”

Instantly Calcifer sits up in bed, crystallized tears already running down his cheek as he tries to calm his hitching breath.

Just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream.

That all…..that’s all that it was…..

And yet he can’t help but bring his knees to his chest and cry

It was just a dream and yet…felt like such a real possibility. The sting like dagger after dagger aching every part of his body as he sobbed.

“Damnit…Damnit, Damnit, Damnit, Damnit…”

The only thing breaking his free from the still lasting suffocating grasp was the reflection of his phone’s light off his skin fractals. Beautiful colors that danced along the walls of his tiny bedroom, begging him to open whatever Pandora’s box may lie for him

And hesitantly, he accepted the dare.

Picking up his phone, he’d see the message from Cosmia and instantly his blood would run cold again. Thoughts flitting back and forth between this being a good thing or not. At least she didn’t…seem too bothered in text?

But that could also be her being polite and trying not to cause a scene before they’re both together to talk about it…

‘Are you sure you want to? Especially after how I ended last night?’

He read the message typed out then deleted it. Too forthright. And just ASKING for rejection while he’s clearly in a low place. Doesn’t sound like him at all.

‘If u still want to I’m down’

Too obviously nonchalant. Would raise suspicions too fast, especially with her knowing him as well as she does.

…

Just bite the bullet Calcifer.

‘Yeah of course! Have been dying to try them haha’

…

Good enough.

Send.

Wipe tears off of cheek

Gods….this….this is going to be fun…..

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cetoddle-archive · 2 years ago

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what do you write? :) ofc you dont have to share your work if that makes you uncomfy but i’d love to hear what kind of themes/genres/topics etc and what formats you like to write in!

this is so sweet of u to ask me abt my writing im kicking my feet and giggling rn (〃ω〃) i mentioned a little bit in a reply 2 one of my posts but

putting this under a read more cause anon has effectively opened pandora's box and i have a lot. to say at u 👍🏻

i really only write horror fiction stuff and my brain is forever altered so i usually write in second person just cause that's what feels natural for me :') i like to do pov switching a lot so i will switch from povs within one section- basically a chapter with smaller mini chapters inside if that makes sense

i have a lot of different ideas and projects that i work on but usually when i talk abt my writing i'm talking about my big main project that's i've been working on for 3 years now? but recently i've been working on it more. i've affectionately nicknamed it stray cat club cause of. all the cats. it's still a wip and i have trouble summarizing it cause there's a lot going on and honestly idk which parts are even most important or worth mentioning

it follows three characters most of the time- an anxiety riddled cryptozoology journalist looking for a good story while trying not to fucking die while discovering who they are as a person, a teenage cat girl who isn't actually a cat but sure acts like one who's trying to find her mother after she goes missing while simultaneously try and behave at school so as to not get kicked out despite the horrors, and an ex policewoman turned paranormal detective who's trying to solve a decades old mystery and accidentally uncovers a government conspiracy in the process. they all end up working together eventually and there's a lot of other shitty characters like the sexy demon lady who kinda just kills people in violent and graphic ways cause she's got nothing better to do, the graverobbing morally gray scientist who can't even cook a frozen pizza, a fire mage vampire with anger issues that keeps losing her personal belongings, the teenage daughter of an incredibly affluent family who misses school a lot and there are rumors of her being a witch but it's not like magic is actually real, right and some other assholes of equally questionable caliber

the idea is that all the main characters are working on their own shit and end up meeting each other, realize they can all help each other and in fact are stronger together, and then. then they do that. the setting is also important. it's a city that's kind of infamous for being a paranormal hotspot with lots of haunted locations and cryptid sightings and reports of black magic rituals going on in the woods surrounding the city. and the residents are kind of divided- some people like the reputation and lean into it while others think its stupid and gives their beloved city a bad name, this kind of progresses as the main character plots go along but it does play a big role in stuff that happens later on

idk if there are rlly any specific themes i focus on other than fuck cops and nothing is stronger than the power of friendship. i mostly just like an excuse to write gory scenes and body horror ┐(￣▽￣)┌

i'd mention some of my other stuff but this is already rlly long and i'm sure only like. maybe two ppl care. but yeah this is what i'm working with rn :') like i said it's a wip so the ideas are still kind of vague and messy but as i actually write i get a better vision for what i wanna write hehe

#this is a lot and i am sorry *sweating*#like i've said it's kind of a mess and i'm bad at explaining things..#i feel shy even sharing this much hehe....but even if it sounds like a shitty hot mess it gives me something to do and i'm working on it #every day :3 #asks

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rocorambles · 4 years ago

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Patient 1: Addiction

Pairing: Toji x Reader

Genre/Warnings: Yandere, NSFW, Predator and Prey themes, Cum play, Knife play, Non-Con, Degradation

Link to: Prologue

Patient Name: Fushiguro Toji

Diagnosis: Adrenaline Addiction

Your brow furrows as you stare down at your first patient’s files. An addiction isn’t uncommon, but to adrenaline? You suppose it’s possible to become addicted to just about anything. Yet there are a million questions buzzing on the tip of your tongue as you turn to Uraume who just shrugs and says you’re better off hearing it straight from Toji’s own mouth.

Everything about this psychiatric facility is strange and you curiously stare at the elevator buttons as both of you descend, noting how each button has a name of a patient next to it with the final button having no label.

“Each patient has their own floor. They’ve been here for so long that we thought it would be more humane to give them ample room to live in instead of the standard patient rooms you typically see in other facilities. After all, we’re not here to treat them like caged animals, right?”

The humanitarian in you can’t defy that logic, but you can’t help but wonder if it’s safe for them to not be bound during your session, only to cringe at your own thoughts. They’re just ill patients, humans just like you, not prisoners. With that newfound determination you stride out of the elevator only to freeze when you hear the outer elevator cage slam close on your heels.

You turn, hoping to see Uraume right behind you, but your heart sinks when you see them safely on the other side of the metal fence, an eerie grin on their face as the actual elevator doors slide shut, leaving you with some parting words.

“I’ll see you when you’re done seeing all your patients today.”

Not even seconds pass before you’re scrambling to look for a button or anything to help pry open the elevator doors, fear overwhelming you as Uraume’s ominous farewell haunts you. But there’s no escape and you turn around to take in your surroundings, trembling and on the verge of tears.

Expansive is an understatement and you nervously walk around the dimly lit area, quickly losing track of all the rooms, corridors, and dead ends you bypass and amble through despite doing your best to keep track of everything. It almost feels like it’s meant to be a maze or obstacle course of sorts…

“Well, well, well. Look at the new little mouse I’ve found.”

Your heart threatens to burst out of your chest only to still in shock when you see a familiar face grinning at you, immediately connecting it to the manilla folder tightly clenched in your hands.

“Fushiguro Toji?”

“And you must be the new shrink. Follow me, doc. I’m sure you have a lot of questions. They always do.”

You don’t want to think about what’s happened to your predecessors, this “they” Toji’s referring to. You don’t want to follow this stranger. You don’t want to be trapped in this unknown environment with a highly dangerous patient and no means of escape. But what choice do you have? And with limbs weighted with despair, you trail after the dark haired man.

You’re surprised when Toji leads you into a room not far off from the police interrogation rooms you’ve seen in movies. A single table with a chair on either side are the only furniture in the room and you quietly take a seat across from where Toji has casually slumped himself down. But you note how his large stature easily overwhelms the small space, making the substantial table between you seem meaningless.

There’s silence as you fidget and fumble with Toji’s file, trying to find any professionalism and composure you have left as said patient continues leering at you, an amused smirk ever present on his face. It feels silly to treat this like any other examination, but it seems like the only thing you can do, what Toji himself is expecting of you.

“What is...what is adrenaline addiction, in your own words?”

You wonder if this is what opening Pandora’s box felt like, the question barely out of your mouth before regret instantly seizes you as Toji’s grin only grows wider and sharper, a crazed look in his eyes when he replies.

“It means I like being excited a little too much, doc.”

“And what excites you?”

You don’t want to know his response, but it’s the only way forward and dread fills you as he responds.

“Oh, lots of things. The burn of my throat and rush to my head after taking a shot. Gambling and the uncertainty of whether you’ll win or lose. The look of despair on my victim’s face when I shove a knife through their beating heart. The way it feels so fucking perfect to shove my dick in any tight hole it’ll fit in. But you know what makes me the most excited, doc?”

It’s theatrical how he tapers off, green eyes piercing you as he silently orders you to acknowledge him. And all you can do is shake your head side to side, tears threatening to fall from your eyes as you play right into his hands.

“What makes me the most excited is the thrill of hunting pretty prey like you.”

Instincts have you jumping out of your chair and bolting from the room. You don’t dare turn to see if Toji is chasing you down, his amused cackle at your expense trailing behind you. You’re blindly running, no sense of direction as you randomly turn left and right, your only prerogative to keep moving, hopefully farther and farther from your patient. Every corridor, every passage, every room looks the same and you struggle to breathe as quietly as you can despite the way your lungs ache.

You strain to listen, but it’s hard to focus on anything other than the drumming of your racing heart and you don’t hear the figure casually ambling towards you until you’re being roughly shoved face first into the wall you’re leaning on, a toned figure pressed against your back, caging you in.

“Now, now. You’re making this way too easy. Tired already?”

It’s a rhetorical question, one you can’t bring yourself to answer anyway, not with the way your teeth chatter and your body trembles in fear as Toji loudly inhales your scent while he buries his nose in the crook of your neck, tongue lazily licking a strike of your salty sweat.

You sob as he harshly bites down, not enough to break skin, but enough to leave you aching and hold you still as his hands wander underneath your clothes, groping and kneading your breasts and ass. You’re too scared to move, fearing the consequences of resisting, praying that maybe this is it, that you’ll be let off when he gets his fill of feeling you up. But you can’t help the way you yelp and instinctively struggle against his hold when he tires of your frozen state and decides to ruthlessly twist your nipples and shove a thick finger into your tight hole.

“There we go. Glad to know you’re still alive and kicking. I don’t enjoy fucking dead and broken toys like that pink haired bastard does.”

Pink haired bastard? Your mind briefly flashes to a hazy picture you’re sure you had seen in one of the patient files. What was his name-

You shriek as Toji shoves another finger alongside the digit already in you, sobbing as you feel him stretching your walls, relentlessly pounding his fingers in and out of you, his fingers painfully pulling at your nipples. All you hear is his grunts in your ears and you clench your eyes in disgust when you feel a long hard object grinding against you, knowing full well what it is without even looking.

He’s going to rape and kill you. This is how it all ends. And you wait for it, the searing pain of that massive shaft impaling you. But it never comes and before you know it you’re moaning as he twists and flexes until he finds that soft spongy spot inside of you, insistently rubbing and stroking it with curled fingers as he continues dry humping you from behind.

You’re so lost in the sensations that you don’t notice how your body is betraying you as it unconsciously grinds back against Toji’s hand, your ass shaking and pressing even harder against Toji’s cock. It’s funny how easily you’ve lost any common sense, but you’re not here to be a vapid bimbo toy. He’ll save that side of you for one his fellow inhabitants who’ll appreciate it more and he abruptly pulls his now soaked digits out of you, snorting at how you whine from the loss.

You look so confused, so stupid as he rapidly finishes himself off, hooking down your bottoms low enough for him to shoot his sticky seed all over the inner fabric of your panties. And he grins when you practically moan as he pulls your undergarments back into place, cruelly tugging a tad too hard and wedging his cum and the stained lace deep between your abused folds.

You’re panting, looking like a wreck as you try to ground yourself from the dizzying confusion of being pulled right from the brink of an orgasm, the emptiness of your edging making your head foggy. But then something sharp is being pressed against your vulnerable neck and it’s enough to have fear jolt you back to your senses.

“Don’t be such a boring slut. Time to run and hide again. It’s playtime, bitch. Or maybe you need me to cut you up a bit. Pain’s always a good motivator.”

He’s barely finished speaking before you’re shoving him and his knife away from you and he whistles in appreciation as he watches you race away again, taking his time to tuck himself back in his pants. You’ll need as much of a head start anyway to even try and remotely make some sense of this labyrinth he knows every corner of. Not that any advantage will actually help you much. Toji’s never had a prey he couldn’t catch.

How many times has he found you and released you after defiling you just a bit more every time? Neither of you can keep track and only when Toji has shoved his cock in all three of your holes, filling every orifice with his cum and fuckig you until you can barely walk does your session end. It’s almost comical how he has to quite literally drag you back to the elevator you had come from and he cruelly laughs at the white sticky trail you’re leaving behind you with your loose holes unable to keep in the copious fluids.

You barely register what’s happening, too exhausted, too fucked out of your mind to even be bothered by the rough friction of the ground against your body, only mildly stunned by the fact that the elevator you had frantically tried to re-enter is now innocently open. And it’s with muted despair that you realize what fate has in store for you as Toji presses the button of the next lower level.

Gojo Satoru

The neatly labeled name is all you register before the elevator doors slide open and you’re shoved out of it, blearily making out the sight of Toji tauntingly waving at you from inside the metal enclosure.

“See you at tomorrow’s session, doc.”

Your world goes dark as the elevator doors shut.

#toji x reader #yandere toji #yandere jujutsu kaisen #toji smut #tw: yandere #tw: noncon

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smoosnoom · 2 years ago

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okay so i just watched fantastic mr fox like 2 days ago and realized that your pfp is ash!! ahh! please tell me your thoughts ab the the movie like literally tell me everything. i wanna brain rot but there’s genuinely not enough media ab it except for the same 2 audios

oh my god . u have no idea what u have done to me ok u have Ripped open pandoras box

for the sake of my own dignity ill be as brief as possible abt the main things haunting my brain constantly But if u want u can definitely send more fantastic mr fox asks 🙂

OK ! immediately i love the fact that mr fox is . literally the villain of his own story He is never satisfied with anything he has or kind of just . bases his own worth on how others perceive him which wow #real but also the antagonist and motivator of the entire story rly, and it is just . wow what a good move to have someone so fantastic (🙂) also be the problem . isnt that crazy

also following that with mrs. felicity fox's line of "i love u too but i shouldnt have married u" OHHHHMYMY GOD ....... died dead never coming back to life ever again . that was insane to say it is so devasting !!!! and its so real there are some people u love that shouldnt be in ur life and thats . well itisnt ok but its for the best And the audacity to include it in such a movie oh my god my heart shattered for real

and ash !!!! obviously my favorite he is so relatable in fact but i think its so interesting how he is shown to try to fit in and be as great as his father, but also openly showing disdain for his father, spitting and yelling at him while wanting to impress him at the same time like if that isnt real then idk what is . i think its also interesting how he kind of doesnt know how the impact of his own actions in a way, aggressive but apologetic when he's forced to think about it .

also the train scene with him and kris kristofferson ??? its so sweet it makes me want to explode it is so Youthfully Tender . does this make sense like it is so reminiscent of what kids are like, ash pausing his one-sided rivarly with kristofferson and kristofferson halting in his crying and they both watch this miniature train go around because they are just kids and enamoured wiht a train . oh my god

plus the whole (hand gestures) Different thing !!!!! the change from it being said flatly to it becoming something Fantastic . wowowowow and i think it is so great they never explicitly state what "different" means because it means something different for everyone !!! just Wow

i think the tree atop the hill is beautiful and i think mr fox's walkman is a wonderful touch and i think the water falling around them during the I Love You Too scene was gorgeous gorgeous gorgeousssss and the dance scene at the end means everything to me . idk if i said anything that hasnt been said before but i would love love loveeee to hear any thoughts u have to say !!!!!

#/ask #thank u for letting me insane a little #i appreciate it very much

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bnha-dumpster · 4 years ago

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u-um, hello, ><, can you write yandere!bakugo with a male s.o, headcanon or oneshot, nsfw and some more kinks ( corruption k, daddy k, degradation k, ... ) if you feel comfortable! thank you so muchhhh, have a nice day/night!! sorry if my english is too bad TT.

yeah of course! there’s praise at the beginning but i promise there is degradation in this.

pairing: yandere bakugou x male reader content warnings: implied kidnapping and stockholm syndrome, virgin reader, corruption kink, daddy kink, degradation kink, light choking, subspace, pet names, belly bulge word count: 2.2k

Patience isn’t part of Bakugou’s vocabulary. He’s never been a patient person but for you, he can make an exception. You’re always the exception. Still, as much as he tries to be patient with you, he has his limits. The hero was honestly expecting to run out of patience before you warmed up to him completely. It’s a good thing for both of you that you’ve warmed up first.

“Katsuki...”

He’s about to make dinner when you grab onto the hem of his shirt and tug it. For a split second he glares at you. But when he notices your eyes and the way you’re holding so tightly onto his shirt, his gaze softens. You want something.

“Hm? What is it?”

You squirm as you stand. You’ve been feeling needy lately. It’s not that Bakugou has been neglecting you. He just hasn’t been taking care of you the way you need him to. And it’s not his fault. You were the one who told him you weren’t ready for anything intense or extremely intimate when you first warmed up to him. But it’s been a few months and you can’t deny that it’s finally getting to you.

It’s too hard to put into words so you just grab one of his hands and pull it downwards. His fingers brush against the front of your boxers. You hope he feels your cock straining slightly against the fabric.

Bakugou does and he smirks, hand cupping your erection and rubbing it. With a whimper, you hold onto his wrist and push his hand against you more. But the blond is stronger and uses his free hand to pull yours off of his wrist.

“You have to tell me what you want or I won’t know what to do.” He’s teasing you. He knows exactly what you want. “C’mon, just say it. Be a good boy for Daddy and you’ll get what you want.”

The pet name stirs something inside you and you whine. It doesn’t go unnoticed, making Bakugou only want to tease you more. He pulls you close, still cupping your clothed dick.

“Tell Daddy what you want.” His voice is commanding yet soft.

“Please fuck me...” After those words, he spanks lightly, rubbing the flesh afterwards. Bakugou stares down at you and you mumble, “... Daddy.”

“There you go. Daddy’s gonna give you exactly what you want.”

And you’re slung over his shoulder, picked up like you weigh nothing. You know that he’s taking you to the bedroom, but that’s all you know.

A squeak leaves you when he tosses you onto the bed. You bounce as you hit the bed and stare at him. He makes a show of stripping, pulling off each layer and tossing them somewhere in the room. If he’s trying to make you more flustered, it’s working. Your face goes red with a blush and you bury your face in your hands. Bakugou reaches out and pulls them away, tsk’ing at you.

“You keep your eyes on me, okay?”

As much as you want to look away and hide your face, you nod. When you do, Bakugou gives you a kiss on your forehead before his hands travel under your shirt. It’s technically his, but he loves when you wear his clothes. They’re just a little bigger than your size and it makes you look more vulnerable than you already are. He just wants to eat you up.

Calloused fingers gently pinch and pull at your nipples. One of his knees grinds against your crotch as he lets you try to hump his leg for friction. He waits for you try to take your clothes off. If you do, he’ll scold you but with the way you’re whining and squirming, he thinks he won’t have to worry about. You seem far too nervous and out of your element to do anything yourself.

“Daddy?” The word comes out as a small whine. You look at him and take hold of his arms, trying to tug them down. They don’t budge.

“Use your words, baby.” Are you going to say it?

“Please… Daddy please take my clothes off.”

Bakugou is more than happy to oblige, pulling you out of your clothes immediately. He loves the way your cock slaps against your belly when he frees it from your boxers. It’s hard and already leaking precum. The blond grabs it and gives a few experimental pumps, watching you buck your hips into his hand. One of his thumbs smears the precum on the head of your cock, teasing it as he does so. You’re falling apart and he’s barely even started.

His mouth latches onto one of your nipples and he lets go of your dick in favor of prepping your ass. The wetness and way your hole eagerly tries to suck in his finger catches him off guard.

“You’ve been touching yourself down here too?” His finger slips in easily. “Tell Daddy exactly what you’ve been doing.”

You shudder from the commanding tone but you nod.

“I-I’ve been thinking of Daddy fucking me with his cock..” This is so embarrassing. “I use my fingers to try and imagine what it’d be like if Daddy was inside me...”

Oh, he wants to eat you up even more. You’re being so good for him, so obedient. He slides in a second finger almost right away, watching you grasp at the sheets and whimper. It takes a few moments of prodding before he finds that spot inside you and you moan, back arching off the bed. This must be a new sensation from how shocked you are by it. Have you never been able to find it yourself? From the way you whimper and squirm as he prods the spot makes him think you haven’t.

He continues to play with the spongey spot in your walls, stretching you open slowly. You’re already coming undone. It all must be so new for you, the stimulation overwhelming you so quickly. Bakugou wants to see more of it. He lets go of your nipple with a pop, travelling down to be right in front of your cock. For a moment he admires the way it twitches whenever he focuses on your prostate, how precum is already dribbling from the head.

It’s the sudden feeling of his mouth around your cock that forces you over the edge. Your hips buck up into the blond’s face and he groans when his nose meets your pelvis. He greedily swallows all you have to give, making sure to clean your cock as he pulls away.

“Oh, baby boy...” Bakugou’s voice rumbles and he kisses the shaft of your limp cock. When you whimper and try to pull away, he grabs your hips to keep you in place. “We’re nowhere near done. Daddy’s gonna make you feel even better.”

The way you let out a small whine when he pulls his fingers out spurs him on. He’s quick to line up his cock with your hole, rubbing it up and down to tease you. After a few thrusts, he begins to push into you. As the head of his cock breaches your ass, you whimper and hold onto him, eyes screwing shut. While he told you to keep your eyes on him, he can’t be mad at you. Bakugou’s big and hard to take.

You didn’t think he was as big as he is. Well, you didn’t think it would be this intense. But he’s girthy and it’s overwhelming. It feels like he’s splitting you apart but at the same time, he’s pressing against the best spots. You don’t know if it feels good or if it hurts. Tears form in the corners of your eyes and Bakugou leans down to kiss them away.

“It’s okay, you’re doing so good baby boy.”

He murmurs praises until he’s fully inside. As he looks down at where you connect with him, ass swallowing his length perfectly, he notices a small bulge. Out of curiosity, he presses down on it and you both let out confused noises. You’re not super small compared to him, but somehow he’s large enough for his cock to make your belly bulge a little when he’s fully sheathed in you.

That realization makes Bakugou lose it. He grabs your hips and pulls out slowly, only to slam back in. What he expects is for you to whine or whimper for him to be gentler, but you let out a moan and throw your head back. It sparks a primal desire in him.

“Turns out my baby boy is really just a slut, huh?” He starts out slow but harsh, making sure to slam into you with each thrust. “Barely even started and you’re already moaning out like a bitch in heat. Pathetic.”

His words hurt but at the same time, they ignite something in your core. You tighten around him and the reaction doesn’t go unnoticed. An almost feral grin grows on Bakugou’s face.

“Not only are you a whore, but you like it when I call you a bitch? C’mon, tell Daddy the truth. Do you like it when I degrade you? When I treat you like a slut?”

When you don’t answer, he wraps a hand around your throat and gives a light squeeze. Between the new pleasure and how rough Bakugou’s being, you find yourself slipping. Everything around you becomes blurry and the only thing you can focus on is the blond. It’s like his words echo in the room, each syllable going straight to your crotch.

“D-daddy!” Your grip on him becomes tighter. “Please! More, please! I-I need more-!”

You didn’t answer the question and the grip on your neck tightens more in warning. Your mind is in a fog but you do your best to please him.

“I l-like it a lot! Please be meaner, Daddy!”

Oh, you’ve done it now. Your words have opened Pandora’s Box and there’s no going back. Bakugou keeps his hand on your throat as he pounds into you, growling. The way your walls tighten around him even more when he squeezes your neck and how your whines grow louder as his cock presses against your spot spur him further on. He doesn’t miss the glaze in your eyes and how eager you are to please him. And he definitely doesn’t miss the fact that your cock is hard again, slapping against your stomach with each thrust.

“Look at you, hard again so soon. Such a whore for my cock that you’re hard again. Does getting pounded this hard really turn you on so much? Pathetic.” When you reach down to touch yourself, he growls and slaps your hand away. “Don’t touch yourself. You’re gonna cum from my cock like the slut you are.”

Bakugou makes sure to keep your arms around his shoulders, letting you grasp his hair as you cry out. He’s mesmerized by the way you’ve come undone so quickly and how his cock bulges out of your stomach which each thrust. You’re so far gone.

You continue to babble out ‘Daddy’ through moans and whimpers. The longer he goes, the deeper you fall. Your walls can’t possibly get any tighter than this, desperately trying to milk Bakugou’s cock.

“You’re just Daddy’s slut, aren’t you? How bad do you want to cum, huh? How bad do you want me to make you cum from my cock, huh?” This time, he doesn’t expect you to answer him. All you can do is babble and whine. The world is lost to you, he can tell.

It isn’t long before you tense and tremble, cum shooting out to cover your abdomen. The blond watches you intently, analyzing the way your body moves as he forces you past your limit. He’s going to burn it into his memory. How your mouth hangs open with a silent moan and you begin to tug on his hair to get him to slow down- he’s going to remember all of it.

He can tell that you’re losing your energy after the second time. You’ll have to work on your stamina with him later. But for the first time, he doesn’t mind carrying you.

“I’m going to destroy you, baby boy. Not like I haven’t already.” His words don’t reach you and he grins even more. “Be a good slut and give all of you to me.”

As he lets go of your neck and throws one of your legs over his shoulder, he goes even harder. Despite your lack of energy, your ass is still sucking him in with each thrust, your walls still unbelievably tight.

You’re so good for him. Even as you whine and cry out for your Daddy, you let him do what he wants. Even if your cock is limp against your stomach and tears stream down your face, you continue to hold him close and meet his thrusts.

Bakugou really hadn’t expected you to fall this far on your first time. He was expecting to have to fuck you over and over again, not for you to unravel so quickly. But he loves it. He can do whatever he wants to do with you like this. The way you try to cling to him even this position and begging him to keep going only makes his need to destroy you worse. Well, destroy you even more.

“Alright baby boy, be good for me and give yourself to me.”

You don’t respond, but that doesn’t matter. He’s not going to stop until he’s satisfied.

#katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou x reader #yandere bakugou x reader #yandere bnha x reader #bnha x reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader smut

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tallsuperstar · 3 years ago

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I NEVER WATCHED MIRACULOUS LADYBUG BUT I LOVE BEINF A HATER. WHY DO U HATE ADRIEN LOL

YOU HAVE OPENED PANDORA'S BOX WITH THAT QUESTION AND TO PREVENT MYSELF FROM GOING FERAL WITH RAGE AT WORK I WILL TRY TO KEEP THIS SHORT

Half of the problems I have with this show stem from this one character. The "sunshine" child.

1.) As Chat Noir the superhero he's a little whiny baby who throws a fit when he doesn't get his way. This is supposed to make you feel sorry for him when-??? No??? Like he's allowed to have feelings and be upset about not being on equal footing to Ladybug and getting into arguements with her. But that is NOT an excuse to either pretend to quit your superhero duties when you don't get what you want COUGH COUGH Syren NYC Special Kuro Neko COUGH COUGH.

2.) As Adrien the civilian he's very passive and doesn't DO anything, just mope and act sad about how horrible his life is. The only instance of him standing up for anything is when he scolds Marinette for being happy that her bully is leaving school bc the bully has feelings too y'know ;v; PATHETIC. It's frustrating seeing him not do more when you know he can bc of what he does as Chat Noir.

3.) In terms of the meta of the story itself, Adrien is supposed to be a perfect innocent character that is always right. As you can guess from the above, the actual way he acts is not at all perfect, or is the advice he gives good (I think even hardcore fans of the show can agree Chameleon is a bad episode). But bc tbe narrative still acts like he's always right, this can...get frustrating bc he never sees consequences! Speaking of not getting consequences for his actions—

4.) HE'S A FUCKING CHEATER, CREEP, AND SAs LADYBUG AND DOESN'T GET ANY CONSEQUENCES FOR DOING SO. Oh boy. Adrien stans I am going at your throat directly just because the show refuses to acknowledge this doesn't mean YOU get to. One of the fundamental parts of the show is Chat Noir/Adrien being in love with Ladybug. That's fine. The show takes a lot of inspiration from anime, so Chat Noir acts very flirty with her and sometimes he and Ladybug have good banter about it. Also fine! I love that dynamic. But Chat Noir takes it way too far, especially in later seasons. He just does not ever stop with the flirting, even when Ladybug asks him to stop and to focus on the mission. Like for you specifically imagine their dynamic as Ranma and Akane but like the Bad Evil version of it. What makes it worse is that there is an episode, Félix, where the titular character Félix attempts to ruin Adrien's reputation by forcibly getting Ladybug to kiss him- the lesson of this episode is that this is wrong and Ladybug is right to stand up for herself. There is NO mention that this exact thing (Chat constantly trying to get Ladybug to kiss him) has been a running gag and a core part of Chat's character. It is not brought up, it is not acknowledged, and Chat continues to try after this episode. Very icky! And by the way, there is a point in the show where Adrien gets into a romantic relationship with a character named Kagami. While in this relationship, Adrien as Chat Noir is still flirting with Ladybug and trying to get her to go out with him. THIS IS LITERALLY CHEATING. HE IS TRYING TO CHEAT ON KAGAMI AND IDC WHAT ANYONE HAS TO SAY IT'S WRONG. The episode Lies has him even ignoring Kagami and getting distracted bc he's too busy thinking about Ladybug! Dude wtf. It's so gross.

Okay I need to stop this is very ranty ahshsjsjfjhed. None of this even brings up the petty stuff that irks me with him like Puppeteer 2 (please do not ask me to elaborate on Puppeteer 2), Chat Blanc, Glaciator, Hack-san and the entire subplot of season 4. I have gone on record for ranting about this for long periods of time ask anyone who has ever had a conversation with me abt this show lol

So year TLDR I hate this fucking guy.

#aj rambles #long post #(I'm sorry lol)#ml salt

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meatmandean · 4 years ago

Note

do u have any headcanons about dean's relationship to his bisexuality??

oh far too many.

I have two ideas for his relationship with his sexuality when he was a teenager.

The first would be that he hooked up with a boy in high school and was caught in some way by John. Maybe he didn’t catch them in the act, but he saw them alone together in some capacity and was at least suspicious enough to make Dean feel ashamed of it, which impacted his relationship with his sexuality from there on out.

The second would be that Dean turned tricks as a teen. This in and of itself is not bi Dean proof, as he was a desperate kid forced to do something to help keep himself and his brother alive and healthy. However, this definitely would’ve had a major effect on his relationship with his own sexuality. It would be hard to separate that from his attraction to men, and therefore it would be harder for him to come to terms with that attraction without associating it with those memories.

I think that he and Lee had something as well, when he was in his early 20s. A close friendship that led to flirting that led to drunken mistakes that they both tried to pretend never happened.

After that, Dean tried not to let anything go too far. He pushed it down and ignored it as much as possible. He stuck with women. Because he knew that was safe. Even better, he genuinely was attracted to women, so he didn’t have to acknowledge that other part of him. He overcompensated. He made his attraction to women a part of his persona.

Then Cas came along and fucked it all up. Because it wasn’t just attraction with him, it was something intense that he couldn’t just look away from or ignore forever, especially when Cas became a persistent and permanent fixture in his life. He didn’t really know how he felt about Cas at first. He was able to write it all off as intensity because of Cas’ other-worldly nature or just a companionship at a level he hasn’t really had before. Sure, maybe he had wandering thoughts, but he was able to dismiss those. Until Purgatory. The atmosphere there allowed him to see it all clearly, and he spent years after that trying to push down the truths that had been surprisingly easy to accept when he was there. It was the land of monsters after all, it brought out the monstrous parts of himself he didn’t want to see. The bloodlust was easier to stomach.

Pandora’s box was cracked open now, though. He slowly but surely started to realize that he was in love with his best friend, a man, and that he would never, COULD never feel the same way. He tried to resume sleeping with women, but over time even that lost its appeal. Sure, it was nice for a moment, the girls were always gorgeous and the sex was great, but the performance of it, pretending like that’s what he wanted when he knew his heart was pulling him somewhere else.... he was just getting too old to keep it up. Somehow relaxing at the Bunker and watching old movies with Cas was enough for him, and he didn’t even fully realize this shift until he realized one day that it had been months since he had sex and he just... didn’t mind. Just being with Cas, in whatever capacity, was enough for him. Even if he wanted it to be more, it was almost easier to live in this space of domestic companionship, because then he didn’t have to deal with his still very complex relationship with the idea of having sex and being with a man in that way.

When they finally get together, it’s not a walk in the park for him. He needs to adapt to it. Cas is patient and understanding, but Dean still feels like an asshole. But he still can’t silence the thoughts about what his dad would think and he still can’t get on his knees without having some uncomfortable flashbacks. Having people like Charlie and Claire in his life has helped him though, helped him see a possibility where he could be open and it would be okay. Sam and Eileen are incredibly supportive, which is a relief. It’s still not a walk in the park for him, but it gets easier. It takes a long time for him to think of himself as someone who isn’t straight, to accept that Cas isn’t just an exception for him, to understand that his attraction to him doesn’t cancel out how he has always felt about women. It’s a process, and it’s a lot to work through, but it’s worth it. He gets to go to bed with Cas and wake up with him in the morning, he gets to kiss him and hold him and spend his life with him. That in and of itself makes it worth it. He’s in love with a man, that’s something he’s capable of and part of who he is, and he’s been through too damn much to let himself run away from something that makes all the noise in his head seem quiet. His attraction to men is what allows him to have the first truly good thing he’s had in a long time, and damn if that doesn’t make him realize that that part of himself might be a fucking gift after all.

#destiel #long post #i don't know what this turned into but i just kept typing #bi dean #Anonymous #otp: deancas

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dialovers-translations · 4 years ago

Text

Diabolik Lovers DARK FATE ー Laito Dark [07]

ー The scene starts in the church

Yui: Haah...

( I came here since I couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Laito-kun’s words are still running through my mind after all... )

...A mother, huh?

( I wonder what it would have been like if I had one...? )

( A mother was never part of my life, so I don’t really know... )

Yui: ...

( ...I wonder if it would be easier for Laito-kun if he simply assumed he never had a mother from the very beginning either. )

ーー If my prayers can reach you, then please hear my wish.

May Laito-kun and I stay together forever.

( Laito-kun said that I’m his ‘home’ to return to after all. I want to be there to support him... )

ー Laito walks up to her

Yui: ...?

Laito: What a naughty girl you are...Sneaking out of the bed without my permission.

Yui: Did I wake you up, Laito-kun?

Laito: No. I was never asleep in the first place. I guess I didn’t get enough exercise before going to bed~?

Yui: Oh come on...!

Laito: Nfu~ I’m just joking.

So what exactly did you want to wish for that made you return here? Will you tell me?

Yui: Wellーー

( It’s a little embarrassing to have Laito-kun find out about my prayer from earlier... )

( What should I do...? )

Selection

→ It’s a secret (♡)

Yui: It’s a secret...I guess.

Laito: ...!!!

Yui: Eh? ...W-What’s wrong?

( He flinched as if he just got struck by lightning or something... )

Laito: ーー Repeat that...once more.

Yui: ...!?

Laito: I’m begging you. Please!?

Yui: ( Oh no, if I say it one more time, I feel like I’ll end up opening Pandora’s box... )

→ World peace

Yui: ( It’s kind of embarrassing to tell him the truth. I’ll try and beg the question... )

Umー...Something related to world peace.

Laito: ーー No way!!

Yui: E-Eeh!?

Laito: You’re Bitch-chan, remember!? Having questionable morals is what defines a true Bitch-chan!

You can’t be thinking about those kinds of things!

Yui: U-Uu...

( What now? I feel like I only made the situation more complicated... )

Laito: Well, I don’t really care what you wished for.

ーー As long as you didn’t wish to be able to run away from me...

Yui: I would never wish for that!

If anything, it’d be the exact opposite.

Laito: You’re going to make that wish? Nfu~

Yui: Yeah...

*Rustle*

Laito: Come here, Yui-chan.

Say, Bitch-chan? This is where humans make their wedding vows, isn’t it?

Yui: Yeah, that’s right.

Laito: In that case, since we’re here now anyway...Should we do so as well?

Yui: Eh?

Laito: Our wedding vows.

Yui: !? That’s...

Laito: Nfu~ You don’t want to, perhaps?

Yui: I’m not against it. If anything, I’d be happy...

Laito: I’m happy to hear that as well.

Besides, in the end, a vow is nothing but words.

To me, they hold no more value than the phrase ‘I love you’ does.

Yui: Laito-kun...

Laito: However, don’t get the wrong idea, okay? You really are special to me.

Although I can imagine that everything I say may come across as superficial...

Yui: Don’t worry.

Laito: Eh?

Yui: I no longer let myself get upset or shaken up by the true meaning behind your words.

( Up until very recently, I would always stress over whether there were any real emotions behind what he said or not. )

( However, I can trust his words now. )

( While he will still mess around like he always has from time to time, I’ve grown to like that side of him... )

Laito: Then...Marry me, Bitch-chan.

No. That’s not right. Yui-chan...What’s your answer?

Yui: ...Yes...!

Laito: I’m so happy...

*Rustle*

Yui: ( I’ve dreamt of this moment ever since I was a little girl. Of the day my beloved and I would vow our mutual love in this Church... )

( To think this is how said wish would come to fulfillment... )

ー Someone approaches them

???: ーー A heartwarming conversation, don’t you think so too, Nii-san?

Laito: ...!? Who are you two?

Shin: Hey there. Thanks for your help the other day.

Yui: ...! You are...Tsukinami Shin-kun...!? Why are you here?

Carla: I heard that the church is free to visit for everyone. However, it seems like we are not welcome here.

Yui: Carla-san as well...

( I didn’t mean it like that though... )

Laito: What’s this? Bitch-chan, do you know these two gentlemen?

Yui: Yeah. They transferred to our school the other day...

Carla: ーー The name’s Tsukinami Carla.

Laito: ...Doesn’t seem like they’re just regular old transfer students, huh...? Bitch-chan, come here.

*Rustle*

Laito: ーー Stay behind me.

Yui: Y-Yeah...

*Groooowl*

Yui: !?

( I didn’t realize because I was too focused on the two of them but...When did these wolves get in here...? )

Laito: These wolves are the ones who attacked Ayato-kun, aren’t they?

Nfu~ I see. Those were your Familiars, correct...?

Shin: I’m glad you’re quick to pick up on things. In that case, I wonder if you’ll also be so quick to...understand what exactly we want.

Laito: ...You’ve brought a whole pack of wolves with you. Which means...I guess you’re trying to threaten us?

You guys don’t have the best manners, do you? I can’t believe you got in the way of our official ceremony. What are your motives?

Carla: If you behave, you will be left unharmed. What will you do?

Laito: Let me think...

Yui: ( Laito-kun...I wonder what he’ll do? )

( Also, what are Carla-san and Shin-kun after...? )

Laito: Bitch-chan, listen carefully.

Yui: Y-Yes?

Laito: I’m sorry. It seems like I can’t protect you all by myself.

Yui: Eh...?

Carla: It seems like you are well aware of your own limits. You are not stupid, it seems.

Only a fool would recklessly bare his fangs at an unknown opponent.

...Well then, the choice is yours.

Laito: I’m a little reluctant when you put it like that, but I don’t think we have much other choice than to let you two capture us...

Yui: Capture, are you serious...?

Laito: ーーDon’t worry. It doesn’t seem like they came here to harm us.

However, you have to stay by my side, okay?

These guys, and Carla in particular, seem like quite the tricky opponent to deal with after all.

All it would take for him is a single flick of his hand and we’d be unable to even put up a fight.

Yui: ...!!

( His voice is...shaking? This has never happened before... )

( Which means these guys must really be that powerful? )

Carla: ...

Yui: Uu...

( He’s looking straight my way. )

Shin: Let’s get going then.

Yui: ( Everything will be okay as long as Laito-kun’s there with me. I’m sure of it...I have faith in him after all... )

( Still, I wonder what these two are planning...? )

Monologue

Right as I wished to support (支えてあげたい) him in some way,

Laito-kun proposed to me.

This moment of bliss (幸せ) which felt like it came straight from a dream,

was abruptly cut off by darkness.

A darkness which swallowed both Laito-kun and I whole.

Who exactly are Carla-san and Shin-kun...?

And what is their objective?

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

→ LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

<- [ Dark 06 ] [ Dark 08 ] ->

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #laito sakamaki #dark fate #diabolik lovers translation #dflaitodark7

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windywooshes · 4 years ago

Note

Hello ! Can u write Modern school au zen x reader where the reader finds out he’s been playing the piano after school and reader comes to listen outside of the music room. (maybe falls asleep to it because it’s soothing). sorry if it’s cliché, was thinking about the canon from the manga that he can play any song he hears even once (red light district arc I think) thank you 🌻🎶

Zenitsu x Reader

Rhythmic drips of the waterdroplets. One after another. Creating a small echo for a short millisecond, then vanishing as if never existed. The rainy season of tsuyu has started once again. Painting the skies gray and tainting the air in a suffocating moist tension.

(Y/N) pursed their lips in frustration.

It wouldn't have been so much of a big deal for them to get through the rain if they would have not forgotten their umbrella at home. Since the skies were clear from any dark clouds, the (H/C) was optimistic enough to see themselves going home to a cloudless sunset. Completely forgetting that they had cleaning duty for the day as well.

In the end (Y/N) was stuck in school until the downpour calmed down for at least a tiny bit.

Heels clacking against the floor, (Y/N) made her way upstairs to return the mob she had to take from another classroom. It seemed that the last one was beheaded by their feral classmate Inosuke when he was trying to challenge Tanjirou to a sword fight. Both ended up getting scolded by their merciless Maths teacher and sentenced to craft a new broom and ruler each, to compensate for the loss of the original ones.

And even so, those two were long done with their duties and off home. (Y/N) sighed as they looked out of the shining water stained window. The downsides had their positives though. Having 80% of the students long gone, the school became a lot more peaceful and relaxing. Creating a small moment of tranquility.

Marching down the long wooden hallway to bring the tool back, the (H/C) picked up the sound of the distant piano which usually slumbered in the music room. Coming closer to the abandoned four walls, there was something else which became much more noticeable. A humming. Perfectly in synch to the gentle taps and melody of the piano. To say that the situation didn't spike the interest of the student would be a lie. They never heard the piano used that often and ,what was more endearing, not this lulling gentle voice, silently flowing with the tunes.

Sadly (Y/N) stood in front of another dilemma which didn't seem to find an end today. Taking a peak into the room was not possible since that particular room didn't have windows to the hallway and you couldn't see much through that slim keyhole which was used to lock up the instruments safely. In short this means no peeking allowed and it just frustrated them as they won't be allowed to solve this new school mystery so quickly.

But just as much curiosity chewed on their hands, (Y/N) couldn't bring themselves to rip the door open and to see who this siren was who played with their mind and ears. Fearing to lose that emotion of calmness and ease which passed through their drained brain with each new note.

The (H/C) decided it would be better to hide behind a corner and enjoy the small symphony of rain and piano. Eyes slowly sliding shut. Enjoying echo which ringed through their tensed body. Dancing in their mind and fantasy. Loosing up the tension which they felt until now. And before noticing, they drifted off into a peaceful slumber.

(Y/N) woke up by someone shaking them gently awake. Rubbing their (E/C) eyes, they met the gaze of their art teacher who carefully helped their student up on to their feet. And after some conversing and explanation as to why they ended up sleeping so soundlessly outside the music room, their teacher just smiled with furrowed eyebrows.

„But (L/N)...the music room has been locked up the whole time now. I'm sure you misheard it and some students were just playing music from their phones?“

It couldn't be though, since they heard it so clearly coming from the abandoned classroom. Right there, someone was playing — yet it seems that she was right.

The music long gone as swiftly as the sound of a raindrop. The doorknob not giving in and opening Schrödingers theorem. It was all long gone as if just a millisecond has passed.

(Y/N) sighed in defeat, bowing down to apologise for the trouble they caused. Walking back with their teacher to pick up the belongings which were stored safely in the classroom of the (H/C).

The morals officer, Zenitsu Agatsuma, on the other hand, sat inside the pandora's box, all nervous and sweating. He was congratulating himself in his head for being smart enough to use the spare keys to lock himself in before starting to practice.

He wished that he could groan in frustration but the blonde was still too afraid in case someone would hear him and dash their way to the room. Hoping to find a ghost or something along the lines. As someone with his job, he wouldn't be able to find a good explanation for his situation. (Especially not if it's Mr. Shinazugawa catching him)

Soon enough though, he will be able to crawl out from his cowardice and proudly play the tune to the person who accidentally stumbled over their present today. And seeing how the sky cleared up with that wonderful golden sunset, destiny seems to smile his way.

Until then, the tunes will be just like nature's orchestra.

#zenitsu x reader #zenitsu agatsuma #demon slayer zenitsu #zenitsu #demon slayer #demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #this request been sitting in my inbox for at least 2 years #I think #I apologise for making you wait so long anon #yesterday I kind of boosted myself to finish the requests for the kny inserts #there are still two or three left which I gotta write #I hope it's not too short #zenitsu better get some courage and confess finally

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schmope-is-dead · 3 years ago

Note

I saw u studied more obscure versions of the myths, have any interesting ones you’ve found that many don’t know about? /gen

OH YEAH !!

one I love to talk about is the misconception of the pandora myth !! a lot of the times it's taught that pandora was told never to open a box and curiosity got to her, but this actually isn't true. rather, in the original myth, she was aware of what was in the box, and had malintent. this is because ancient greece was, obviously, misogynistic

this is one of the things that I think is so interesting about greek mythology misconceptions. often, as time passes by, people try to water down the original gods and myths to make them more palatable, but they end up completely removing it from its context

another good example I like to think of is dionysus!! most people may see him as some kind of soft trans guy, but this really isn't true

for example, in the bacchae, he asks to be worshipped by people, but is ridiculed. in response, he forces women into go insanity, namely, a mother of an important figure. she kills her son with the group of women and puts his head on a spear, believing him to be a lion that she killed. she presents this to her husband, unsure why he's upset, until she realizes what she's done.

there's also so much more to dionysus, but he often gets simplified to the god of wine.

this play creates its own literary discourse. there's reasons why people believed it to either be a tragedy (no explanation needed there) or a comedy (dionysus was the protagonist, and he got his revenge)

I think this is why I hate modernized versions of the gods so much. they tend to simplify gods to the point you can't see them being tied back to their original myth, and often these modernized versions take the route of pushing away problematic parts rather than, oh I don't know, using the already present themes of grief in a story to show that it's bad. it ultimately ends up treating an entire pantheon like some sort of misunderstood teenagers who didn't understand what they were doing, and trying to give them an innocence that does not apply to greek myths at all

as I've stated before, greek plays were divided by comedy and tragedy. the easiest way to explain it is that the original myths were largely tragedies, but their modernized versions try to usually turn it into a comedy, by losing the main themes of the actual story

(note: this is why I say "tumblr lore"- the modernized versions aren't actually parts of the myths. they never have been.)

#tom.txt #caps tw #I am always itching to write an essay on greek mythos so bad

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luminous-shifting-vibes · 4 years ago

Text

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

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daaziscoolbesties · 4 years ago

Text

[REPOST] MY 2K WORD COMMENTARY/ANALYSIS OF RANBOO’S LORE STREAM

‼️‼️This post contains lore spoilers from Ranboo’s 4/23 stream, “The Enderwalk Saga. Chapter 1: The Lessons”. If you haven’t seen that stream don’t read ahead unless you want spoilers‼️‼️

disclaimer: this isnt really an analysis as much as a bunch of commentary and half-baked theories.

-on the way to the mansion he was sort of talking to himself saying stuff like "i'm good i'm good" which m a y be a normal thing but also maybe it's not and it flew over our heads cause he talks to chats and donos like that so often

-again, this one may just be a normal thing but when he was climbing up the stairs in the mansion looking for foolish, he repeats some of his words like down to the exact same tone of voice and everything. 12:42, "this mansion is way too big actually. this mansion is way too big actually." (why the repeated actually? seems odd to me but again it might just be a normal thing that i haven't picked up on). (right after) "okay okay lemme find him lemme find him" again repeated words in the e x a c t same tone.

-does everyone know about ranboo's silk touch hands ability thing? or was that just a techno and ranboo main character moment. bc if it was, how would foolish know that ranboo could pick up the full cake after it'd been partially eaten. unless everyone on the sever knows about that in which case this means nothing. but if they d o n t know... how would foolish know? ranboo wrote about it in the do not read book so maybe if it's not a publicly known thing maybe foolish got his hands on the book and read it??

-14:53-ish, they're talking about the war room and how it was for tubbo or whatever and ranboo says, and i quote "he prepares for lore but he's never gonna do it." now funny thing is at first i couldn't tell if he said "war" like in reference to the war room or "lore". but after playing the clip over and over i can say with ALMOST 100% certainty that he said lore. there is a definite L sound at the beginning of the word. which either means a) this was a slip up (doubtful bc he said later that there were no mistakes), b) he broke the fourth wall because they were supposed to be rping at that point, or c) i'm completely wrong and he said "war" which leads down an entire other road of possibilities

-15:17 "are you a book reader?" "*checks inventory for do not read book* uh yeah i'd say i'm a book reader-" dunno how i didn't catch this the first time I HATE THAT DAMN BOOK

-15:18 there's blue in his hotbar. where did he get the blue.

-16:40 "it's like a metaphor- i have two minds: i have my normal self, my normal little shift-dancing self, and then the builder one. the builder one is demanding. it's a very demanding mind." ranboo then lets out a weird sigh after this. i feel like what foolish was talking about was an indirect(?) parallel to ranboo in and out of enderwalk, there's how he normally is, trying to do best for others, and then there's enderwalk, meeting up with bad guys and "demanding" things (its very late as i write this i really don't know what i'm talking about)

-17:11 "you have your panic closet" i'm sorry his what now 😀 no but seriously how the hell did i miss some of these

-18:04 "you're asking me if i remember?" very funny ranboo thank you for making jokes in these trying times

-18:25 WHY DID HE GET OUT THE AXE WHEN STARING AT THE BEE

-19:38 why did foolish hold the grass block- most of these observations probably mean nothing but- h u h - is that- i'm too tired for this

-19:54 "i never properly thanked you for the deal you made with me" so foolish got something out of this deal, we're not sure if ranboo did. "the green cardboard box" again do you mean dream's house- but seriously the only people i can think of on the server that are associated with green are dream and sam. and i have no idea what cardboard box could be referring to. foolish got a lime colored shulker from drista

-20:30 "we're supposed to only talk about it at a certain location" hmm now where would that be? panic room maybe? cause like usually after doing a big thing in the enderwalk state ranboo wakes up in the panic room so maybe? the deal was that they only talk about it in his house

-21:52 how does ranboo receive(?) the lessons? like are they whispered to him in his mind or is he seeing them as words in front of him like we see? hmm

-"Lesson 14: If you have the opportunity to gain a favor, take it." "gain a favor" don't you usually ask people for favors though? how does one "gain a favor"? anyways i'm pretty sure lesson 14 has to do with the deal foolish was talking about. (the deal explained because i now have info: at some point a bit ago foolish met up with ranboo and asked to make a deal, he'd gotten a shulker box from drista. the deal was that ranboo would have ownership of the box, it would be under his name but foolish rents/borrows it indefinitely. ranboo negotiated that if he took ownership of the box he would get a "war favor" from foolish where if something happens that creates sides, ranboo can ask him a favor that could change his side. but why would foolish want ranboo to have ownership of the shulker you may ask? well i have an answer for you. a theory actually but still. basically since drista technically isn't supposed to give out shit on the server if someone where to have that stuff then they may get in trouble. foolish wants to be able to use the shulker but if it gets found he doesn't want to get in trouble, so he can blame it on ranboo seeing as it's under his name.)

-22:16-ish "i still have this from when you *can't understand whats said here*" well i guess that sort of explains why he had the grass block? idk man (info update: he had the grass block from when ranboo threw it at him telling him to calm down like what ghostbur does with blue)

-31:35 "i figured out how to cause it" how to cause the enderwalk state

-38:30 "ninety three lessons" I STILL DONT KNOW WHY HE KEPT SAYING NINETY THREE AND NOT NINETY FOUR AND ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY LMAO

-39:01 "it's all for the greater good" okay well when are you gonna start thinking about yourself and not everyone else for once huh. self care bitch.

-40:31 he started holding the axe when he was looking at sam- gonna say it i really don't like that axe ahahah- WAIT A DAMN MINUTE THE AXE IS NAMED "axe of ender" I DONT LIKE THAT I DONT LIKE THAT AT ALL

-41:53 is there something?? physically keeping him from telling sam??? or maybe it's sort of like his enderwalk state taking control to make him shut the fuck up??? so many questions and approximately zero answers

-43:18 ranboo raising his voice legitimately scares me 😀👍

-"Lesson 27: Do not reminisce on what you have lost for it will weigh you down." showed up when he was thinking about and REMINISCING about the community house 👀👀

-"Lesson 53: Never fully trust anyone." showed up literally after he said that he thinks he can trust the other people on the server enough to tell them about what he did

-"Lesson 67: Leave no evidence of what you have helped with." this is different from the others because there doesn't seem to be at least a semi-direct connection to it? unless maybe at the time ranboo was near something he may have "helped with"? not sure about this one

-"Lesson 94: DO NOT LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE DONE" yeah yeah i get it i get it he's fucked up some shit in enderwalk i don't feel like analyzing this thanks

-OH OH NOTICE HOW HE SAYS "REMEMBERING" WHEN THE LESSONS SHOW UP. IMPLYING THAT THIS ISNT A NEW THING, ITS HAPPENED BEFORE AND NOW HES REMEMBERING IT. MAYBE HE WROTE DOWN THE LESSONS WHEN HE WAS IN ENDERWALK AND NOW THAT HES BEEN EXPERIMENTING ITS BEEN EASIER FOR HIM TO REMEMBER THOSE ENDERWALK MEMORIES

-okokok the experiments are that he's been e x p e r i m e n t i n g on how to purposefully induce the enderwalk state. and we know now that it wasn't from the pain of the water because on the stream afterwords he said that it's caused by the intense fear of something happening. and so the "side effects" of the experiments is that since he's in enderwalk more often(?) he starts remembering more things from it

-OH MY GOD WAIT "there is a reason sam, there's so many reasons, theres ninety three of them" (44:47) WHAT IF EVERY LESSON IS TIED TO A QUOTE UNQUOTE "reason" THAT RANBOO THINKS HES A BAD PERSON/NEEDS TO BE LOCKED UP BUT HE SAYS NINETY THREE INSTEAD OF NINETY FOUR BECAUSE THE NINETY FOURTH LESSON DOESNT HAVE A REASON YET/HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT HAVING A REASON

-dude honestly the whole sam part hurts so much this man is scarily good at acting

-46:46 "i cant put you in the prison you wouldn't be able to see michael anymore" bestie that's the point he doesn't want to accidentally hurt michael or tubbo in the enderwalk state—

-okay but there's no way that sam couldn't tell that ranboo was at least TRYING to confess to something- i feel like he definitely knows more than he's letting on because usually like when people do bad shit or admit to doing bad shit he's like in Prison Guard Mode™️ (he literally cut off ponk's arm because he stole some keycards or something) and whatever and idk what he knows but he definitely knows something and is trying to protect ranboo. or he's trying to manipulate him or smth either one works—

-50:38 "you are a good person" "i am?" you can hear my heart shatter. "yes you are" "i don't think so sam" "i do, even if you don't" "i really don't think so" and there it goes again

-51:25 hello badboyhalo i see you to the left of ranboo

-52:44 "but then my curiosity got the best of me" curiosity killed the cat, bitch

-52:54 "there's ninety three, ninety four, ninety- theres so many reasons!" SEE!! NOT ONLY ARE THERE THAT MANY LESSONS THERE ARE REASONS THAT CORRESPOND IM S O SMART—

-52:56 "i don't want to remember anymore!" *quietly brings forth my theory that when ranboo loses a canon life his memory gets wiped*

-53:13 "ive opened pandora's box" isn't the prison?? literally called pandora's VAULT??? so this m a y be a stretch but i'm thinking that maybe this could be taken in the literal sense that he "opened" the prison and let dream out (the sirens at the end of quackity's stream confirm that dream is indeed out)

-53:42 mans just straight up walked through a ghost i—

-55:37 so are we just gonna ignore the eleventh page of the book? "he's alive, but hopefully soon dream won't be"??? alright nevermind it's most likely bc when tommy came back he recruited ranboo in his plan to kill dream

-55:47 notice how he writes "what am i?" as opposed to "who am i?" no elaboration here idk what it could be

-56:08 just so it's clear for anyone who doesn't know- he's wearing armor at this point, and i'm like 90% sure that when he wears his armor water can't hurt him. and i saw someone say somewhere that like with splash potions when thrown it turns into a gas-like thing? so again, it didn't hurt him, he didn't get hurt. he said in the chill stream that he wasn't comfortable making it where his character had to hurt himself to do that. the thing that causes the enderwalk isn't pain, it's intense and sudden emotions like fear and stress. thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

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