#BUT IS ALSO TOO STUBBORN AND STUCK IN HER WAYS OF BELIEVING SHE DID NO WRONG

[aimseytv]

marceline was crazy for this one 

[wanderingsoul6261]

Believing a False Lie

Credit for gif goes to fabiolajyx

James Beaufort x Reader

Synopsis: James takes part in a nasty dare to try and get the get the nerdy and social outcast to date him. He never expected to fall in love though. When Reader hears the truth from some girls at Maxton, she wonders what is true and false, and ultimately begins to avoid James. Will the truth be told and will amends be made?

Warning: Might be some swear words. Bullying takes place. Nothing more than that. the scene with the invitation to Alistair's party is improvised. The pool scene is also improvised.

P.S I got carried away and this really long 😅 excuse any mistakes. I have a sinus headache currently stabbing my skull and I can't take anything yet because certain sinus/allergy meds can effect how well my thyroid meds work.

-----

Y/N was a quiet person. She didn't say much. She took her studies way more seriously than multiple others at Maxton Hall. Some would say that she also went above what she needed to, studying mythology and ancient civilizations. Dedicated her time to be well accustomed to not only national history, but international. If it was within her interest, it did not go unknown by her.

She didn't have many friends, but she did talk often with Ruby Bell and Lin. Y/N was a social outcast and many saw her as that. She knew it. Being quiet and on the sidelines and it was her game, in which she was playing it well. That was until a certain Beaufort stepped in.

He had been dared by Cyril, Alistair, and the others to ask her out on a date. They didn't really care how long that he dragged her along. They just wanted him to do it and then break her heart whenever he was ready.

A sick joke it was.

James was expecting that Y/N might have been smart enough not to go on a date with him, considering her nature and those that she hung out with. Ruby was pretty stubborn and didn't like many of the others that went to the school with them. So he had just about expected Y/N to be the same way.

But she wasn't. And so now the two of them had gone on a few dates, the news oh which spreading around Maxton Hall like a wildfire that was too far out of control to contain. And in the end, James was surprised. Dare he say, even shocked.

James had expected her to be just as everyone had assumed her to be. Nerdy. An outcast. But he only saw someone who was insanely smart and had more to say when you got to know her. She was herself. She didn't try to be someone she wasn't. He surprisingly enjoyed listening to her rambling of whatever topic was stuck on her mind on any given day. Y/N might not have been as beautiful as Elaine or any of the other girls within the school, but James thought that she was gorgeous, nonetheless. Her smile. Her laugh. He had become smitten with her, and every single minute he spent with her, the deeper he was digging his own grave. It was a grave he didn't want out of though.

And as the weeks drew on, his friends had consistently waited for him to dump her. In front of the entire school. But he refused to. James kept pushing and pushing it back until his friends started to tease him about actually liking her. Not that they were far from the truth.

It hurt him at first, that he never did defend her. He stayed silent, but his facial expression was neutral. Deep down he didn't like what they were saying about her. He just didn't know how to approach it. But he knew that he had fallen head over heels for her, and there was nothing he could do to stop his descent.

-----

Currently, the two sat outside the manor that Y/N called home with her parents. They rested sideways on a wooden cushioned swing, James' back against the arm of it and Y/N back against his chest. One of his arms was settled around her waist, while the other laced his fingers with her own. He watched as her other hand flew blindly throughout the air, the hand in his own sometimes joining in the fray before going back to his hand, their fingers interlocking once again.

Most people would have probably been disturbed by her insane knowledge of things that were not necessarily needed to be known. But as she sat against him, constantly having to take deep breaths as she forgot to breath during her explanation of the "The Odyssey", he could only look enamored. James watched her lips as she spoke, not really paying much attention to what was being said, a soft smile adorned his face.

"Are you listening?" James broke out of his stupor, his eyes moving from her lips to her own eyes.

"Hmm?" he asked.

"So, you weren't paying attention?" she asked.

"Oh, I was. About fifty percent of the time. I heard about Circe turning some of Odysseus' remaining men to pigs and then he technically got kidnapped, was it?" he asked, searching her face for approval. Y/N smiled, and his heart pounded. He smiled back at her. That smile was everything to him.

"Yea. She kept him for ten years. Then he was finally able to leave. Although, Poseidon still posed a threat because obviously Odysseus killed his son." And Y/N continued to ramble, and James went back to adoring her like she was the only woman on the planet. Elaine be damned. The arranged marriage wasn't anything. It wouldn't be anything. Not if he couldn't have the one currently in his arms.

James leaned his head down, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth, lingering for a few seconds, before pulling back. His gaze was met with a frozen Y/N, and a smug grin had adorned his face.

"While I know have your attention. I do apologize love, for interrupting your rambling, but Alistair is having a party in a few nights, if you'd like to attend with me."

"Oh, I don't know. My parents have that gala to host in a few nights and I don't know if they would want me around. I can talk to them though?" She suggested. Y/N eyes had widened slightly, growing nervous already at the thought of attending Alistair's party. She knew where she stood amongst the others at Maxton. James gave her a tiny nod, his thumb rubbing across her knuckles.

"Of course. Do what you have to. In the meantime, I should be going. Parents are expecting me home a bit early tonight."

Y/N nodded and stood up first, extending her hand to James as he followed. He looked down at their joined hands, before staring at her face, flashing her a smile as she looked up at him and flashed one back. Yea. He could get used to that.

On their way through the house, James politely bid her parents farewell, before the two walked out to the front where Percy waited for James. They came to a halt next to the vehicle, and as he turned to look at her, he bowed his head down to press his lips against hers. A soft lingering kiss in which she melted into.

"I will see you tomorrow. Let me know whenever you can if you can come to the party."

"Will do, pretty boy." Y/N flashed another smile. He pressed another kiss to her forehead, before turning around and climbing into the vehicle. James watched her in the window of the vehicle, all the way up until she was no longer visible. When he finally turned around in his seat, he caught Percy's gaze in the rearview mirror. James could only smile as he looked away. The two of them both knew he was head over heels for her.

"Not a word, Percy."

------

"James!" Y/N hurried her pace to catch up to James. He stopped briefly, turning around to look at her before he entered the main doors of Maxton, waiting for her.

"Good morning, Love." He grabbed her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

"Good morning, handsome. Oh, I talked to my parents about the party. They would like my help for an hour or two. But after that, I'm free to go. They were surprised that I asked. In fact, I think they were excited." James looked down at her with a smirk.

"You're a goody two shoes."

"Apparently they're hoping for a rebellious stage." Y/N shrugged, smiling back up at James.

"I wasn't sure if you'd get back to me in time about it." James said. His hand settled on the back of her back, guiding the two of them through groups of students.

"Parents have been busy. I wasn't able to talk to them until I left for school this morning. Sorry it's such a late notice."

"No need to be sorry, just glad you can make it." He answered. They appeared outside of her first class for the day. James stared at her with soft smile, receiving one back.

"Have a good day, gorgeous. I'll see you tonight at the party." He mumbled against her lips, before backing away, flashing her a smile. Y/N smiled back, before walking into the classroom.

----

The time for the party came and for Y/N to say that she was anxious, was an understatement. She would be over dramatic and claim that she was fatally anxious about it, even if that was not such a thing.

Heads turned to look at her as she ventured through the house. She cowered slightly, meeting some gazes and avoiding others. Most actually didn't seem to care, while others had glowered at her. Trying to find James through the crowd proved to be just as difficult as she expected. Y/N released a quiet sigh.

Across the room, where Elain was trying to get his attention, James got a glimpse of her as she walked into the room. He wasn't trying to be cliché, but as he stared at her as the array of colors filled and rotated around the room, the world paused for several seconds. She and everything that she was, was his. He couldn't let that go. No matter the dare he had taken apart in. He couldn't go through with it. Now now. Not ever.

His mouth parted slightly, and his cheeks heated up in a blush.

Y/N was a sight to behold and he knew he couldn't part with her, damned what his friends and the rest of Maxton would think.

He pushed past many in the crowd, slowly making his way to her. James kept his eyes attached to her face, drinking her in and drowning in her appearance. As he drew closer to her, his heart hammered faster against his rib cage.

She was his.

James came to a stop behind her at the same time she unexpectedly took a step back. Y/N collided with his chest and she immediately turned around, scared to see who it might have been.

"James" She let out a sigh of relief.

"Hello, love. Finally made it, I see." A teasing glint in his eye.

"Yea. Sorry. My parents held me back a few extra moments to finish something for their gala. But I'm here now."

"That you are." The two stared at each other for several moments, smiles on their faces, before James motioned to the dance floor, and grabbed her hand as he walked past her, dragging her along with him.

The two started dancing, their bodies almost moving at one. The pop song playing decided their moves for them. The two didn't have much finesse between the two of them, but their moves had complemented each other. They stayed pretty close together, never moving more than a foot away from each other at a time. They were smiling and never broke eye contact unless needed. The two of them were enamored in that moment, enjoying the moment as it came to them.

And then the pop song gave way to a slow song, and they stood in the middle of the dance floor, breathing heavily as they gazed upon each other. As the slow song continued, James edged closer, his arms wrapping her waist, pulling her closer as she wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with the hairs at the nape of his neck. The two of them swayed together for several seconds, before James used his hands to twirled her around, now holding her with her back against his chest. Y/N turned her head to look at him as he laced his fingers through hers. They swayed for several seconds, before the moment was cut short by Elain, who thought to "accidentally" dump her drink on Y/N.

Y/N let out a gasp as Elain said a fake apology, catching a glare from James.

Y/N watched as Elain walked away, a pep in her step, tossing a smug look over her shoulder before she was out of sight. Embarrassed, she frowned, turning her head to look at James.

"I'm think I'm done for the night. I should probably get home and change out." James nodded, a hand still settled on her waist.

"I left my coat somewhere. I can go grab it and me and Percy can take you home." Y/N nodded.

"I'll wait for you outside by the pool." And how that was the bad idea, for the moment she got outside and began waiting for James, Cyril caught sight of her. He advanced on her, wrapped his arms around her to help prevent a fight, and begun tugging her towards the pool.

"Cyril! No please!" She begged.

"Aawww. The nerd doesn't know how to swim, does she?" James came back outside just as Cyril got to the edge of the pool with her, catching sight of the moment.

"Cyril! No!" But before James could act further, Y/N was in the pool. She didn't resurface, and others around them just watched. It was Jame's turn to start to panic.

James ran towards the edge of the pool, before diving in. Upon submerging, he could see Y/N panicking. She reached out a hand for him to grasp onto as he swam towards her, and within seconds, they resurfaced. Besides being already wet, steady tears rolled down Y/N's face as she continued to panic. James hushed her.

"It's okay. Breathe. Just breath. I got you."

And as he trudged out of the water with her, he sent a scowling glare towards Cyril, walking away from the party and towards the car.

On the car ride home, his hand settled on her thigh, her fingers finding homage in his hand, before explaining the story of her brother, who was killed in a boating accident years before she started to attend Maxton.

------

Y/N had though things were good and normal, especially between her and James. They were happy. They made each other happy. So when she walked by what she presumed to be an empty classroom and heard voices, she stopped momentarily.

And she wished that she didn't, for the voices were going on about the dare James had taken part in, trying to date her and how he hadn't broken up with her yet.

Her world shattered. Y/N stood in the hallway for several minutes, tears rolling down her face as she thought back to the last few weeks and how happy she was. Not only that, but how happy she was James and how much she thought he had been happy.

Was it a lie? Was everything he felt for her a lie? Was there any truth to any of it.

Y/N refused to go to school the second half of the week. She couldn't confront James, as she wasn't sure how to go about it, but he knew something was wrong. That much was evident from the numerous phone calls and texts messages gone unanswered. Even then, she could tell he was panicking. But she let him bask in it.

Other than her parents, who supported whatever she wanted to do in that moment, Ruby and Lin were the only ones who knew. And they had made it quite clear to James where he stood, and that although he was already an asshole, pretending to love someone was a dick move.

And that's how he found out.

James' heart had dropped into his stomach, wondering how she might have found out. He had texted the guys lately about it. He hadn't even talked to them in person about it for quite some time, although he did get subtle comments made when he and Y/N were seen together. So he had deduced that the only way she could have heard about it, was by overhearing about it from someone else. But in the end, it didn't matter hoe she found out. All that mattered was that he fucked up, and there was no telling if he'd be able to fix it. The thought of that alone sent his heart twisting into knots.

James had continuously tried and tried to reach out to Y/N. She hadn't blocked him, as his texts and calls still went through. He had almost thought she answered one call, but then had changed her mind and ended it before anything could be said.

His world was shattering around him, and he had no one else but himself to blame. James became distracted. Had even turned a bit bitter toward his friends. It wasn't their fault, he should have came clean to her. It still would have caused issues, but then they had more of a chance of being fixed than now.

To say he was scared was an understatement.

James Mortimer Beaufort was completely and utterly, terrified.

James was trying everything in his power to fix things. He sent letters to her humble abode. Voice messages left in her inbox on her voice were amongst these, and he was surprised when never he reached the limit.

What he didn't know was that if there was anything Y/N listened to during that week, it was those. She listened to his apologies as she laid in bed, her breakfast forgotten beside her and tears becoming a river on her cheeks.

She had several questions, still unanswered. All of his attempts to get back with her, even if she never called anything off in the first place, made her wonder if he truly did care. But if he did, why was he a part of the dare in the first place. Why didn't he come clean? Most importantly. Why was she such an idiot?

And when she finally went back to school?

She avoided him like the bubonic plague.

He tried many attempts to get her to stop and listen to him. Most times he was left alone as she avoided him. She would pull her wrist out of his grasp and carry on, as if he wasn't even there. Sometimes though, he hoped that she would listen, as she would stop, turn to look at him, and wait several seconds as tears began to swell in her eyes. Then she'd walk away, only leaving James to wish he had spoken a bit quicker.

And every time he saw her back disappear around the corner, he felt as if he was slowly losing her.

And as the Young Beaufort line was beginning to become a reality, he had less and less time to fight for her. Even without that, he knew he was running out of time, and James couldn't let that happen.

-----

"Is he still trying to talk to you?" Ruby's voice sounded from the speaker of Y/N's phone. She sat on her bed, picking at her nails, a book lying forgotten next to her.

"Yea, he is."

"Didn't you end things?" Ruby asked, and as Y/N sat there and thought about it. She realized that she technically didn't. Did she want to? Did he do it already? It didn't seem likely as he was still talking to her, but maybe it was still part of the ruse.

"Not technically. No." It was silent for several seconds and Y/N wondered if the phone call ended.

"You're serious?"

"Yup."

"Y/N-"

"Don't." She started. Y/N had already gotten enough shit from other students since being back. The bullying had heightened tenfold.

She had an interaction with two girls within the event committee. Y/N didn't care to know their names because she didn't like them anyways. But they had both dumped their drinks on her clothes, prompting her to leave classes early today.

And what made it worse, as she walked away from the situation? She locked her teary eyes with James. He glowered at the girls who had consistently belittled and bullied Y/N throughout the week. James had opted to give Y/N space, but this time, he couldn't.

He had followed Y/N out of the room and quickly caught up to her. He tried to initiate contact, but she could only turn around and shove him away, crying and screaming at him to leave her alone.

"I don't know what to believe." Y/N finally spoke again to Ruby, who continued to listen on her side of the call. "He's doing everything to fix things, but I don't know if it's apart of a ruse to further the rewards of the dare." She explained, her voice cracking slightly.

"Does he sound genuine?"

Y/N thought to herself for several moments.

"That's the confusing part. He sounds completely geuine."

------

And finally, it was the night of the Victorian donor gala. Y/N had stuck close to Ruby and Lin. She had stayed quiet, slowly drinking her champagne as she conversed with a few students and professors.

She would watch the couples down below slow dancing to songs, and her heart ached because even after everything, she had wished her and James were down there.

"Stop thinking about it." Ruby came up beside her. "Be free tonight." Y/N listened as Ruby talked to her, distracting her. Until it wasn't Ruby distracting her, but a certain someone else. Y/N stared past Ruby down to the ground floor, where she could see James looking around. What he was looking for, she wasn't quite sure. That was, until James looked up, caught her gaze, and held it. His facial expression softened as he looked at her, and that was when Y/N knew who he was here for her.

Her.

Ruby saw that she was distracted and turned to see what she was looking at. She looked down at James. James eyes never left Y/N though. Ruby finally turned back to Y/N eith a heavy sigh.

"I think it's finally time you go talk to him." The comment broke Y/N out of her stupor, in which she didn't hesitate much as she slowly started her descent down the stairs.

It felt like forever before she finally ended up front of James.

"Why are you here?" She asked.

"I came to apologize."

"What about the Young Beaufort line?" James was surprised that she cared enough to ask about it.

"It doesn't matter in this moment."

"Then if not that, then what does?" She asked.

"You." James barely let Y/N finished asking the question before he responded. Y/N stared at him for several seconds, tears swelling up in her eyes.

"Why?" She finally asked.

"Truth?" He asked. Y/N nodded. All she wanted was the truth.

"I didn't expect to fall in love with you." James explained.

"And how am I expected to believe you?"

"You don't have to. Just, please, let me explain myself. And then afterward, if you want nothing to do with me, then I'll leave you alone. I promise." Y/N pondered what he said, before she finally nodded.

A slow song started to play, and the two looked at each other.

"May I?" He asked. "If this is the last time we are to do anything together, I'd like one last dance." Y/N's heart swelled, although she hated to admit with the circumstance. She took a few steps closer him, allowing it be his cue. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and she wrapped her around his neck. The two started to slow dance.

"I don't know where to begin."

"From the beginning." He nodded, in agreement.

"Okay. So, it was a dare." He confirmed. "Cyril, Alistair and the others dared me that I couldn't get you to go on a date with me. I was honestly surprised that you did."

"I don't see the bad in people. You're a good person, James, and that's what I saw. I saw your caring personality beneath everything else and I fell in love with it." James stared at her as she spoke.

"Right." He cleared his throat. "Well, I honestly didn't expect to fall in love with you."

"Genuinely?"

"Genuinely." He confirmed.

"Then why didn't you say something sooner? This could have been avoided." He nodded, agreeing.

"I know. I was just scared. I wasn't sure how you would react, so I went on, hoping you wouldn't find out because I didn't want to risk the potential of losing you."

"But you might lose me know." He heart fell. Was this it? James swallowed thickly before looking at the floor in between their feet as they continued to slowly dance. "Hey."

James looked back up at her and in his expression, she could see that he was terrified.

"I never did technically end the relationship." She gave him a small smile. "Sure, things will need to be worked on and trust reinstated, but I'm willing to work through-" James didn't let her finish what she was saying, enveloping her lips into a searing kiss, in which it only took her seconds to melt into it.

------

Tag list:

@honethatty12 @lifeonawhim @ashamedtobewhitemanswhore27 @maryvibess @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @imasimptoowth @sillyfreakfanparty

[theereina]

Let Me Talk

Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC

Wordcount: +2.4K

Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, anxiety mentioned, childhood trauma mentioned, angst, heartbreak, fluff, a smidge of dirty talk

A/N¹: This is a single one-shot with no planned sequels unless requested.🤨

A/N²: I'm open to critiques. I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @theereina. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.

Masterlist: 🔥🔥🔥

It had been four months since I had seen Terry. There was little to no contact besides short phone conversations and quick texts. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him. It was the little things that made it hard to forget him. The way he always smelled of sandalwood and musk. The way he held my hand when I was anxious. The way his smile lit up a room. The way every shirt he owned molded to his body like a glove. Ugh, I gotta stop.

I wanted nothing more than for him to return home to me, but pride got in the way. Not only for him but for me, too. We were equally as stubborn and stuck in our ways, unyielding to the love we shared. Being right somehow mattered more to each of us— more than a good morning kiss, a massage after a long day, the vows of our marriage.

Letting pride hinder our judgment, I told Terry to leave and not come back. Truthfully, I didn't want him to, I was just angry and tired of fighting. So, when he left without a fight, it reminded me too much of my abandonment trauma. Watching him walk out that door tore me apart. I was once again a five-year-old girl watching her father leave for the last time, never to return. The power Terry held over me in that moment was only a fraction of the hurt I felt. It was like the world around me shattered. With him, Terry took both light and love while I fell further into darkness more and more each day.

In other words, Terry and I couldn't comprehend that we could both be right even with two different perspectives. The basis of the problem as trifling as it seemed was an ugly nuanced one. Unfortunately, Terry was raised by his parents while I had to survive mine. This understanding is what caused the biggest fight we had ever had. No matter how much I explained it, Terry couldn't understand why I did things the way I did.

For context, I have had no contact with my family since I left home after college. I didn't talk to my sisters, brother, stepfather, and definitely not my mother. Terry's nurturing and supportive upbringing made him less receptive to the dysfunction that came with mine. He couldn't fathom not speaking to his family, let alone his mother, for years. So, when he brought up the idea of me reconnecting with them, it was a shock. The first time he asked I reminded him that I had my reasons— he only knew some. The second time I admired his persistence but still declined the offer. However, after the fifth or sixth time, I was fed up. I wanted him to understand how much these people collectively hurt and drained me. After days of explaining and retelling the story, he responded with annoyance— calling me childish and bitter.

Damn right, I was! I had taken care of every single one of them for years. I had put my health on the back burner to ensure they were good. I had stretched myself thin to the point of almost being hospitalized for a mental breakdown. No one other than my mom came, but we all know her true reason for coming— to save face. Considering she never believed or accepted my mental health issues, she just complained the whole time I was in the waiting room. This is the type of stuff I dealt with from them. This lack of care, kindness, appreciation, and love is why I left as soon as I was financially stable enough.

Even after talking about this for days, the only thing I was left with was a heavy heart and teary eyes. The more Terry pressed; the more distant I became. I didn't want it to get this far or this bad, but he wouldn't let it go. His mind was already made up. To him, family is family, and we should forgive them no matter what. Unfortunately, that wasn't and would never be my reality.

Present Day

“Caramel cookie butter iced coffee and a regular hot coffee for… Fallon!” yelled the barista from behind the counter. “That's me,” I said, facing the small woman. “Here you go. Enjoy,” she said, smiling and pushing the drinks toward me. I checked the sticker on the regular coffee to see if they remembered the two sugars. I picked up both drinks and searched for an empty table in the back of the coffee shop. I knew this conversation would result in both of us or at least me ugly crying.

I slid into a booth in the far back corner of the shop, facing the door. I knew that if it became too overwhelming for me, seeing the door would provide a certain level of relief— an exit or escape if needed. Immediately upon sitting, I began to remember some of the memories I and Terry shared here. This quickly became our favorite spot. Plus, it was right down the street from our shared home. Terry would come here almost every Monday and Friday morning to pick up my current favorite drink order. He called it a treat to start the week and a reward for finishing.

This is also the place where we had our first conversation about marriage. I can almost remember Terry's face when I told him I never thought about being married— until I met him. I didn't believe anyone could love me, especially a man of Terry's caliber. I felt like damaged goods that would never be good enough for him or anyone else. So, I never planned for that milestone. Terry's presence in my life felt like a reassuring message from God that I was loved and deserved it— properly.

Oh, God! Not me already crying, and he hasn't even made it. I quickly used one of the napkins to dab my eyes. Taking deep breaths and relaxing my shoulders, I tried my hardest not to get lost in my thoughts. I knew that once I let myself be sucked into that abysmal cycle I would be trapped there before even a word was spoken between us.

I leaned back into the booth, watching the door. Terry wasn't late; I was just extremely early. I needed to prepare myself as much as possible before seeing him.

10 minutes later

ding ding

“Good morning! Welcome to the Coffee Cabin,” yelled the woman from behind the counter. “Hey, good morning,” said a familiar voice. I knew exactly who this was yet my heart refused to settle down. I didn't know how my mind and body would react to seeing him face-to-face for the first time in months. My hands were sweating profusely. How the fuck was I going to make it through this?

“Pumpkin?” Terry said, sitting across from me. “Uh,… Hi,” I said struggling to breathe. “Hey, mama. Look at me. Fallon!” Terry said, leaning over the table and lifting my chin. I looked up to see Terry glaring back at me. Those striking green eyes expressed his concern. His eyes spoke before his mouth could. There was no need to voice his worry.

“Terry, please,” I said, holding his hand. “Don't do that. Just tell me what's wrong,” he said pulling my hand to his lips. “This! What the hell are we doing right now? It's like we aren't even married. I don't…” I rambled. “Pumpkin,” Terry said, trying to stop me. “We aren't living…” I continued. “Pumpkin,” Terry said, gripping my hand. “I don't know what to do with myself half the time. It's…,” I said. “Pumpkin, enough! Stop!” he cried out. I could sense his frustration with my rambling. I hadn't stopped talking since he sat down. “Terry, I'm just trying…,” I said trying to continue. “No. Stop it! This isn't how this was supposed to go. Let…me…talk,” he grunted.

I pulled my hand away and placed it back into my lap. I dropped my head in embarrassment. I hadn't even made it one minute before making a fool of myself. “Listen, I love you. I know you are feeling anxious right now. We both have a lot to say, and that's okay. But before we can continue, I need you to relax, love. Okay?” he said, caressing my cheek. I shook my head, looking back up at him. “I'm sorry. This is hard,” I said. “I know, mama. I know,” he said, wiping away a single fallen tear.

“C’mere,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from my seat. “Terry, I…!” I said, trying to pull away from him. “Nah, come to me, Pumpkin,” he said while wrapping his arms around me. It was as if life itself had started again. Terry's embrace broke me in the gentlest way possible. His body swallowed mine, providing me with the comfort I had been craving for months. I missed this man and everything about him.

“I'm sorry. I…,” I said, sniffling into Terry's chest. “Shhh, stop apologizing. I don't need you to apologize. I need you to let me— let me love you, let me take care of you, let me come home,” he said, tilting my chin up to meet his eyes. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I had never felt so much relief in my life. A single kiss had just washed away all the pain and guilt I had carried for these last four months.

“I don't know what to say. I had all these… these… speeches planned in my head. Just for me to remember nothing,” I said leaning further into Terry. “That's fine. Let me talk, you just listen. Turn your brain off for a minute and relax. Aight?” he said, releasing me from his hold. His hands held onto the sides of my face. He was awaiting an answer, but words were escaping me. Too many thoughts were fighting to claim power over my tongue.

“Turn it off, lil’ mama. Okay? Sit back down for me,” he said, gesturing towards my seat. His hand waved back towards the booth as I slid back in. Terry sat back down in front of me. He reached for my hands and pulled them towards him. It's insane how something as simple as Terry holding my hands made me feel lighter and calmer. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “There you go. Thank you, Pumpkin,” he said while stroking the back of my hands.

“Listen to me, okay? I should have never pressed you so hard about what was going on. Your boundaries were clear. I can see that now and wish I could have seen that then. These last four months have been absolute hell in the most silent way possible. I let my perspective overshadow yours when this was your experience— your reality, not mine. I won't sit here and lie to you like I'll ever understand how you feel. I won't. However, as your husband, it was my job to console you…. and… and care for you. I failed you at that moment. I don't deserve your immediate forgiveness, and I will do whatever you ask to receive it. I… uh… I left you to deal with all those emotions alone when it was my fault that you had to relive it in the first place. I was forcing you to see things my way because I thought I knew what was best for you based on my… my experience. You didn't deserve that. You deserved so much more than I gave you at that moment, and for that, I'm sorry. Sorry for how I handled the situation entirely. From this day forward, I promise to be a better man to you— a better husband. You deserve the world, mama. I love you more than life itself. Please, forgive me. Please,” he pleaded.

By this point, I was sobbing. I didn't need to say a word. I jumped up from my seat and ran around to Terry's side. There was nothing I wanted more than him— all of him. I sat in his lap and held his face in my hands. “Of course, I forgive you. I love you, too. I don't know what to say. Fuck… just… just kiss me already, papa,” I said, looking into Terry's eyes. They were the softest they had been in a while.

Terry’s urge was just as strong as mine as he pulled me in to kiss him on the lips. But, I needed more; so I used my tongue to part his lips. Terry's mouth opened, and I could feel his energy shift. The desire in him ignited like a flame. The yearning was mutually shared. His hands roamed wildly as teeth met tongue. Neither one of us cared that we were in public. Sharing breath and body, we became one again. With passion burning in our bellies, Terry pulled away first. I looked at him to be met with a pained gaze filled with a desperate hunger for something else.

“Pumpkin, I think we should leave. Um… the thoughts that are… uhh, shit… Woman the things I want to do to you have no business being viewed by the public eye,” he said, catching his breath. His chest rose and fell rapidly with every word. “Yeah?” I asked, stroking his ear and swallowing hard. My breathing was equally just as harsh.

Terry's gaze lingered over my body. “Yeah, we need to leave. Now!” he said, guiding me with his hands on my hips. “Did you drive or walk?” he asked, making me face him. “Walked,” I answered softly. “Okay. I drove. Unfortunately for you, you gettin’ in a car with me, and I can't promise to keep my hands to myself. Honestly, we probably not makin’ it home,” he said while leaning down to whisper in my ear. “Oh, fuck… Don't say stuff like that,” I said, clenching my thighs together. “You wanted honesty, mama. Hell, we should put that extended cab to good use for once,” Terry said, his lip curling up into the most sinful smirk. “You're nasty,” I said, hitting him in the chest. “Yea, and? You love it!” he said, pulling me into another kiss.

Part 2 => 🗣

Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @cocooned-butterfly @5headsupremacist @ariiijestertheklown

@creartivefairy @miyuhpapayuh @armandosbabymama @megamindsecretlair @nahimjustfeelingit-writes

@nayaxwrites @jimmybutlrr @lovey-3 @curvyambitions @gg-trini

@deja-r @hoouno06 @insidefeelingofanadult @slutsareteacherstoo @skyesthebomb

@blowmymbackout @blackerthings @mymindisneverhere @iburias @androgynousgaz

@becauseimswagman1 @geee3bayyybeee3 @gwenda-fav @poektiou624 @keyaho

@pocketsizedpanther @sageispunk @charismablu @4ftwonder @ineedmyaccountback

@rebelrel0987 @4pfsukuna @writingsbytee @nayaesworld @babybratzmaraj

@pinkpantheris @honeytoffee @talkswithdesi @blyffe @helloncrocs

@amyhennessyhouse @beenathembo @thiccc-c @qtmkenedy03 @persethegawd

[sushis-wild-imagination]

Seventeen as dads part 3 (All members)

I am so obsessed with this series, I’m weak for dad!seventeen More dad!SVT and other fics on Seventeen Masterlist <3 Genre: FLUFF

→Choi seungcheol

"Will you help dada fix the showerhead?" Seungcheol asks your first born daughter, Siah. Seungcheol was in the bathroom being stubborn that he could fix the showered in the bathroom himself. Your 2 foot high daughter leans on the door frame looking up at her father.

She nods as her dad asks her to help.

"Can you hand me that wrench?"

"Wench?" she repeats wrongly.

"W - RENCH" cheol corrects her again.

"This one?" she points her little finger to every tool in the box and finally gets to the one he wanted. Cheol was very patient with her. He believed in her, it helped built her confidence too.

She handed her dad the wrench.

Cheol did some pushing and pulling, meanwhile siah really wanted hands on experience in this plumbing apprenticeship.

"How are my two star plumbers doing?" you ask walking into the bathroom to see what trouble these two were up to.

Cheol now had Siah on his shoulder while she played with the showerhead acting like she was helping fix it.

"We're almost done, my associate here is new so she's a bit confused" he says pointing to her daughter on him.

Suddenly there is a 'thak" sound and water comes down pouring on cheols face.

You burst out laughing.

“What are you laughing at?” He asks playfully and pulls you into the shower area so now you’re also soaked. This is responded with some sqeals and squeaks.

“Never calling this plumber duo again” you say laughing.

“Well the plumber duo loves you” he says with a cheesy smile and takes siah off his shoulder to bring her between the two of you, now shes soaked too.

→Yoon Jeonghan

"Stop pushing our kid into the pool" you say giggling as Jeonghan playfully throws your 5 year old son, Hyun woo into the water.

Hyung woo hated the water when he was younger, especially the sea. But now it's a mammoth task to get him out of the pool.

"Again! Again!" Hyun woo screams while you could see jeonghan's energy battery running low.

"He'd make you do this all day" you say sitting poolside, reading a book.

"That's all, that's enough" Jeonghan says and pulls Hyun woo out of the pool, now comes the tantrum. Jeonghan uses the last of his power to pull his son out of the pool and airplane him to where you are sitting. He dropped your tantrum throwing son on you. He made you scoot in the small pool chair and stuck close to you, putting his head on your shoulder, boy was he exhausted.

"Does your battery have enough power to pass me the sunscreen?" you playfully ask him.

"There's always a reserve battery for you my love" he says and also gives you a complimentary peck on the shoulder before he retracted to the same position as before.

→Hong Joshua

There was chaos in the Hong Residence as two boys, Dojoon 7 and taehyun 5, run around yelling and screaming. Two hyperactive boys were definitely a lot to handle.

"Boys, Boys!" Joshua claps his hand to get their attention.

"I have a mission for you"

their eyes light up and Joshua has their full attention. They loved missions, they recently got into spy movies and when they hear the word mission, they snap into their alter ego, little spies.

"Dojoon's mission is to clear up your toys on the floor and Taehyun's mission is to bring all the clothes from the dryer to the living room then mom and I will teach you how to fold laundry" he recites all the tasks. You loved doing chores as a family, it was possible on the weekends and you thought the boys would learn how to do things. It was the easiest way.

The kids rush to do their chores and the first one to finish was the elder one. This made the younger one upset, he came crying to you. The two boys are very competitive.

You end up giving them both some cookies. The calmed Taehyun down.

“We need to get them off cookies”

“Just this once please” you tell your husband pulling a cute puppy face. The boys loved cookies and it was easier to calm them down that way. Joshua hates it.

“Last time, promise?”

“Promise” you say pecking his cheek.

→Moon JunHui

“Noo I don’t want to, what if I hurts, and you flush it away”

“You want to keep it?”

Your son nods.

Your 2 and a half year old son is sobbing on his potty chair, not pooping because he thinks its a part of his body and he’s going to lose an arm if he poops.

You knew if was something Jun might’ve told him so you call him over.

“Hes not letting me flush his poop, he thinks we can raise it” you explain to jun sighing.

Jun ends up laughing at this.

“Please?” Your son asks in a small timid voice.

“Its going to start stinking baby”

“It already does” Jun chimes in.

“Caterpillar”

“You think its a caterpillar?” Jun asks and your son nods.

“Its just rubbish, it goes into the dustbin, the toilet is the poop dustbin.” Jun tells his son.

After half and hour of discussion, your son was finally ready to let it go.

“Where is he learning all this?” Jun comments in general.

“Are you sure its not you?” You ask playfully.

“No wayyy!” He says clearly lying.

“You’re lucky we didn’t have to raise his poop”

→Kwon Hoshi

"Appa, I'm going to fall, I'm going to fall" you 6 year old son, Ji ho screams at the top of his lungs. Both the tigers are very loud, it took you some time to get used to. You literally gave birth to a Soonyoung junior. They're too similar. So they clash a lot.

“I haven’t even let go, stop screaming”

“Appa appa!” The little boy screams and goes down the small hill at the park.

“Don’t look back, look ahead, you’re doing it”

“Im going to hate you if you let go!” Your son screams at your husband.

Knowing your husband, he definitely let go and you hear your sons screams again.

“Appa i hate you!”

“You’ll never learn if i don’t let go, you want me to hold the back all the way to school? Whats the point of riding?” Hoshi scolds him.

Your son comes running to where you were sitting and he takes his shoes off to sit on the blanket.

“Appa is not trust worthy”

“You’ll thank me one day!” Soonyoung says and plops himself next to you on the picnic blanket, putting his head on your lap.

Your son joins him and now the two boys were playfully fighting to keep their heads on your lap.

“She’s my mom!” Jiho tells his dad to grt off of you. All this makes you giggle.

“Shes my wife! Get your own wife!” Soonyoung tells him off playfully.

“Im 6!” Your son exclaims.

→ Jeon Wonwoo

“See, now if I move my piece 4 places, I catch one of yours, so you take it back to your house” wonwoo explains to your 5 year old daughter.

She was suddenly on the verge of tears when her dad captured her piece in a game of ludo. She clearly hated losing.

“Appa is cheating!” She kicks her feet in annoyance.

“Thats the rules” Wonwoo says very logically defending himself from a 5 year old. It was hilarious to watch.

“She’s 5! Let her win” you say from the couch shile you watch the two cuties play ludo on your living room floor.

“She’s going to become a brat if I let her win” wonwoo comes back to you with more logic. Hes not wrong but once?

“Just let her win once!” You ask him again. He shakes his head.

“Come here, you and me, we’ll be one team” you say as you slide down the couch on to the floor.

Your daughter calms down a little while she sits on your lap. “Lets make daddy lose” she says and rolls the die again.

You very strategically play and capture 2 of wonwoos pieces in the next 3 rolls. Your daughter was happy now and wonwoo was stressed.

“Yes! We won! Daddy lost!” She sticks her tongue out at Wonwoo.

“See? This is what I meant” he says and bites his lower lip acting like he’s angry about the gesture.

You giggle at your cute husband.

→ Lee Jihoon

“Im going to throw it now, eyes on the ball okay?” Jihoon tells his 6 year old daughter who is wearing a hand glove thats bigger than her face. It was cute to watch.

You could see them through the living room window where you sat to read a book.

Jihoon makes the first throw that goes over the little ones head.

Her eyes follow the ball like her dad asked her to.

“Its too high”

“Jump to catch it” he teaches her but she groans.

“Just throw me a ball I can catch”

“Jump jump” he repeats stubbornly throwing another ball over her head.

She hates running to get the ball. This time she makes it her mission to make her dad run and get the ball. She throws the ball full swing and it hits jihoon right where the sun don’t sun.

You burst out in laughter watching the love of your life fall to the ground and groan in pain.

“Thats it for the day” he says between the pain and finally gathers himself enough to come back to the living room.

“That was some revenge shot”

“Our daughter is very powerful” he says remembering the pain and almost wincing again just at the thought.

“Im sure she takes after you honey” you smile at him.

→ Xu Minghao

Your younger daughter and your husband, Minghao, were standing in front of the bathroom mirror.

Minghao lost a bet yesterday about something silly and the punishment was to make your daughter hair. It was punishment because your daughter hated it when someone touches her hair or brushed it. It's a recent development. She would throw tantrums and it was just difficult.

It was minghao's first time touching her hair and he was visibly nervous too. He didn't want to hurt his little princess. Understandably.

"What do you want me to do today, princess?" he says hovering his hand over her hair, not sure where to put it.

"I don't want to!!" here it starts.

Minghao gets down to her level on his knees to talk to her. That's how he gets everyone. He has a way with words. A smooth talker you fell for.

"Why not?"

"It hurts"

"Daddy will do it softly, very very softly, and we stop the second you feel hurt okay?" he explains to her and try to touch her hair again.

He does it so softly like even the slightly touch would hurt his daughter.

"Ah" your daughter lets out a yell and Hao begins to inspect that area softly pushing hair away so he can see.

"Look, she has a rash"

she was not throwing a tantrum. She really was hurt, it made you feel horrible. you immediately apologise to her and bring some ointment for it.

"I'll brush it softly okay? so the knots are out" he tells her before he continues. She trusts him, you trust him.

You take some ointment out to put on her but she refuses.

"I want daddy to do it" she says and you nod understandingly.

He helps her with the ointment and your daughter finally has brushed hair. She hops away happily while you watch.

"I can't believe I missed it"

"It's normal, don't worry" he reassures you.

"This wasn't even punishment, she loves you doing her hair" you complain and he chuckles.

"Want me to do your hair?"

"Only if you do it as softly"

"Always"

→ Kim Mingyu

Kim mingyu, your husband of 5 years was working out in his work out room, he made a area attached to the living room a work out area so he didn't have to go to the gym, but occasionally still sometimes ends up going to socialise with friends while he exercises.

He had become much more of an exercise person once Bora was born cause he wanted to be as energetic with her as possible. He wasn't ready for his body giving up if he had to play with Bora or worse save her life.

You were passing by his work out area with the laundry basket but watching him working out your feet stopped and you ended up staring at him.

"What are you looking at?" his voice snaps you out of your staring.

"Huh?"

He smirks and you throw a sock at him at shut him up. If you stared longer you would've drooled physically.

You watch Bora's little legs run to her dad.

"Hello, to you too!" you say sarcastically and playfully as your daughter ignored you. Bora found Mingyu's gym contraptions very fascinating. She might be into exercising too. She loves being active.

Bora climbs her dad and somehow gets to his shoulders. What a total monkey. Only her tail is missing.

He ends up doing chin ups with bora on his back, no idea how he is this strong, but you were glad that he is.

while you come back to the living room with dry clothes to fold you see mingyu doing push ups with Bora on the floor.

"You're too sweaty" she screams as Mingyu's seat drops on Bora who was under him, every time he came down he would shower bora with kisses as she counted.

It was the sweetest thing to watch.

"I'm done, you can stop staring"

oh the things you would do to wipe that smirk off his face, right now all you could do was throw a dry towel to his sweaty face.

→ Lee Dokyeom

"What is this you do daddy?" the little girl asks her dad while he puts on multiple toner pads on his face.

Since it was a Sunday, dokyeom scattered all his skincare on the living room floor, ready with a bare face to pamper his.

"This is for my skin, so it's soft and pretty, like yours" he explains to her while she listens intently.

"My skin is soft and pretty?"

"of course it is, because you're a baby"

"I'm a big girl, I want to do this too" she whines a little. You overhear this conversation.

"should I cut you some cucumbers to put on your eyes?"

You take your child to the kitchen and she watches you cut some thin slices of cucumber, she was very excited. She ends up taking the plate to her dad rushing to be a part of this salon play.

You follow her out while she lays on the floor next to her dad. You sit by her feet and suddenly DK starts a salon skit.

"Hello Ma'am, what would you like today?"

"Cucumbers" she responds cutely.

DK places the cool cucumbers on her eyes that make her shiver.

"Would you also like a foot massage ma'am?" you ask her as you rub her feet. You hadn't done this since she was a little baby. It brought back memories and how much she had grown.

Your daughter, meanwhile is busy munching on the cucumber she's supposed to have over her eyes.

"Hey, are you just eating it!" DK scolds her playfully.

She giggles in response. Her giggles are the most adorable sound.

Between the massage and the cucumber facials, your daughter falls asleep in the middle of the both of you. DK slides his butt to sit next to you. You subconsciously put your head on his shoulder.

"She's growing up too fast, I don't like it"

"Wait for the day she says 'I don't need you' I'm going to start bawling my eyes out" DK says and a visual of him doing that dramatically flashes in your head that makes you giggle.

"I'll be right next to you probably also sobbing my eyes out" you mention and he gives you the sweetest smile.

→Boo Seungkwan

Your husband was pacing back and forth with your 2 year old son in his arms trying to get him to go to bed. It was 11pm already, way past his bed time, but you just couldn't get him to sleep.

It had become practice that Seungkwan sings him a soft lullaby and some walking in his father's arms knocks him right out.

You saw him whispering a song and couldn't help but hum it yourself while you put away all the toys he played with today so they don't poke your feet in the morning.

Your humming perked his eyes and seungkwan gave you a side eye for waking his baby up, you mouth a sorry.

"Mommy's here?" you wakes up to find you. He never gets to see you in the night because you come home late from work.

He immediately wants to come to you, you take him for a second say hi give him some kisses and give him back to seungkwan, despite all his whining, sleepy whining.

You pat seungkwan's back as a 'best dad' pat and move on to the toys on the living room.

→Choi Vernon

You were surrounded by paper and scissors and scrap paper. Your kindergarten going son, Derek had a project at school to make a jar full of cranes to bring to class.

Of course, a child's project is the whole house's project. Now, it was you, Vernon and Derek Sunday afternoon, making a jar full of cranes.

You were teaching Derek how to make a paper crane and the folds were too tough for a 3 year old.

Vernon folded one crane a little too big and filled the entire jar.

"Tada! We're done!" he announces clearly with so much space left.

Derek giggles. "No daddy, there is so much left"

"No look? It's all done, one big crane fits the jar, just tell your teacher that" he jokes with him.

It makes you giggle too.

You end up having a nice family bonding time when you do arts and crafts with Derek.

→Lee Chan

“The same one?”

Your daughter nods.

Your daughter, 5, has been asking for the same story about the elephant and the ant for the 100th time. She only sleeps once shes heard that story.

Chan can recite that story in his sleep. Its the same thing over and over. Your daughter could finish his sentences at this point. Once the story was done, Chan tucks her in and turns the light off.

“How can I forget?” Chan pretends to gasp and showers your daughters face with kisses.

Your daughter wipes her face.

“Don’t do that, Im a big girl now”

“Okay okay” He says and shuts the door, it does break his heart a little bit.

He comes to you looking a little mopey.

“Is she in bed?” You ask your husband. “Yeah” he says and comes to cuddle you.

“She said she doesn’t want to be tucked in with kisses anymore” he mutters. You run your fingers through his hair. “She’s growing up a little too fast, I don’t like it” he pouts.

“She’ll always be your little girl” you tell him.

“Always”

[voice-of-the-tired]

(ramblings of a madman upcoming. this is borderline nonsensical but I just gotta get this out there)

ugh, I LOVE the voices parallels so much. they make me insane. and I've been thinking about opportunist/hunted and skeptic/smitten the most rn.

for the first two, in their respective chapter 2s they are survival responses put in situations where said responses are entirely reasonable, but will end up reinforcing the "status quo" if entertained. this is somewhat the case with most of the voices, but I think it's especially noticeable with them.

the opportunist has a "betray them before they ever get the chance to betray you" mentality, and would you look at that, the witch has the very same mentality! and he is CORRECT in thinking she will betray you. because she will. but by following him and what he thinks, you're just making it impossible to break the cycle of violence (this is literally the point of the thorn).

the hunted behaves... well, like prey, and uh. the beast IS a predator. he IS prey. she is hunting them. but if you just follow your instincts you'll never be able to free her, or defeat her, or leave together or learn about reconciliation or do anything else that isn't survive.

so their situations are reinforcing their behaviour, then their behaviour in turn reinforces their situation; they are stuck in a cycle. at least with the hunted you can have the skeptic to make a plan later on in the den, I guess. but it's still a fascinating thing.

I think the stubborn and the broken chapters are a bit similar to them in this regard, but those have more to do with giving meaning to the princess and choosing whether or not you should fight against it in the end. it's a bit of a different situation. skeptic and smitten also don't quite... doom themselves if you just follow them, even though they actively feed into the chapter's "concepts", because they're sort of "tools" made to complement and help you towards your goal (free the princess through skepticism or blind devotion) as opposed to survival responses.

talking about them... oh boy, skeptic and smitten in their respective chapter 2s. you can just go through with whatever the plan was (leave with her), but if you don't, they won't ever get the only thing they sought and will hurt others (and themselves) in their desperation. you take away smitten's happy ending, and you leave skeptic without answers, and to that they just. fucking lose it. going with the previous tool comparation, you could say that's what happens when a "tool" isn't useful in a specific situation any longer. it can't do anything else except for its designated function. so

when the illusion that love makes everything possible and that all you and the princess needed was each other shattered, the smitten couldn't believe it. this was everything he ever wanted and everything he knew; you are the hero. she is a damsel. you are in love. you save the damsel and live happily ever after. that's what HAD to happen, and if it didn't, then it will. he has to make it happen, because it can't and shouldn't work in any other way.

in the prisoner, if you don't take her head, you are shoved into eternal nothingness while left with only questions. what is this place? who is the narrator? what is he hiding? who is the princess? why is she locked up? how could she end the world? is there a world? where is it? why are we the ones doing this? why did the princess cut off her head? not only could they not go through with saving the princess like they tried before, but there are SO many questions, and skeptic didn't get any answers! they can't be left unanswered, the truth HAS to be unraveled. that's what he's been trying to do all along. it's the only thing that matters. they WILL keep going and they WILL figure it out.

they are too obsessed to care about anything else. they are too stuck in their tunnel vision to accept anything else. they are too far gone to do anything else.

lord help me I am going insane because of this game /pos

[byhuenii]

WHEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW

synopsis! when you knew logan was the one for you and when logan knew you were the one for him (WC: idk..) pairing! logan ‘wolverine’ howlett x fem!reader warnings! usage of name instead of yn. stubborn logan. black reader in mind. probably ooc. soulmate au kinda. 🧏‍♀️ a/n! this was just some random thought i had and it turned into a mini fic of sorts, it’s alright but too BE HONEST this was so cute to write..

Hugh Jackman wolverine so that = him being tall as hell.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

To you. The idea of love at first sight was stupid, it wasn’t real and neither was soulmates. who would want to be bound with someone for their life—there was very few who you believed were soulmates and that was mainly jean and scott, they’d practically been inseparable

you could say it’s jealousy, and it’s not because you’re in love with one of them but rather because you wanted what they had. no matter what they were always mature about their relationship and always talked to each other; you had met logan after he was brought from the crash his personality was brash and off putting but his love for rogue is what made you want to get to know him more, it made your heart feel fuzzy..but in the best way possible

love at first sight was something you didn’t believe in but watching logan fight and risk his life to save this little girl he had just met turned something in you

and suddenly you believed in the thought of love and first sight moreover you believed in soulmates, he had slowly taken over your mind. he took over your daily life, it was embarrassing. you had never been this bad with anyone you had talked to

the sound of your heart beating roughly against your ribcage; the sight of him made your heart go a little insane. the small conversations you had, the littlest touches those were the ones that lingered those were the ones that stuck with you. you hated him you hated how he made you feel like you were going to explode like you wanted to scream into a pillow at night. you were in desperate need of advice, you had stormed yourself right to the lab.

“jean!!” your voice had boomed throughout the lab, jean had been in your mind lately she just hadn’t expected you to catch onto those feelings so quick. you were pretty stubborn, “when did you realize you were in love with scott..?” the loud call of her name to the normal tone yet desperate question made her have some whiplash

“when? i couldn’t tell you that” jean thought back to her first time meeting scott and their bond they had. “if this is about you and logan—”

yours brows furrowed “had you been reading my mind.” “[name] even without reading your mind your stares at him were enough to tell me everything”

jeans heels clicked against the floor as she put her hand on your shoulder, “i can’t tell you when or how i found out i liked scott but when you know you know” her eyes were soft. the question you had been trying to look for so long was right in front of you. you had always known you knew.

the minute you saw logan hold rogue so dear to him sacrificing his healing abilities so she would be able to stay alive was when you knew. “oh my god.”

But to logan, that was so much harder and took so much longer to simply admit he had fallen for you, he was 200 years old he was too old for you.

logan also had a gruff to him he always held people at a distance, he didn’t want to hold someone too close. he didn’t want to lose another person who he sought was important to him so he held you from a distance, it didn’t take much for you to work your way into his life

the xmen had treated him much like an outcast maybe much to his fault for being such a prick. you never let that get to you, a ray of sunshine that was just too nice—you actually cared about rogue, you wanted to help him you wanted to save rogue. maybe that’s when he started to grow somewhat fond of you

that was up to question he never took that as the sign, he’d saw you as a friend from that someone who was just nice to everyone. rogue had grown so fond of you she had always mentioned you in their conversations, it warmed his heart. to see rogue go from someone who held herself at a distance to being so comfortable in her own way especially with the help of you

logan had a smile on his face, one that could be missed. he had started to think about you a lot, your smell filled his nose. it was almost comfortable in such a way it’s as if your presence was able to comfort him, he knew you were there he knew you were safe; he’d catch himself staring at you more, lingering his touches a little more, he had this urge to hold you near him

“the way you look at [name] it’s different logan” rogue came from behind giving him quiet a scare, “jesus kid..” he grumbled. he couldn’t even notice that rogue was behind him at all,

rogue let out a small laugh putting her hand on his shoulder “you’re so in love with her, it’s sickening” she teased. logan refused to admit to no such thing “am not, you’re thinking nonsense kid”

“refusing to admit anything classic logan. when you have your ‘when you know you know’ moment do thank me”

his brow furrowed, a gruff smile as rogue had been right “don’t you have a class to be heading too?”

rogue rolled her eyes leaving him alone to head to class. logan had felt like his mind was going to explode, he needed a drink although it was school hours he opted for a dr pepper. “logan..!” your voice cause his head to turn behind in a rapid speed. “shit you scared me” he didn’t know why he lied he was just too excited to see you

a laugh escaped your lips, “did ya need something bub?” he put the dr pepper up to his lips sipping the carbonated beverage—“oh no no, i was just coming this way and i saw you” the damn smile you always wore, he could feel his shoulders relax his whole body relax

your scent filling up the room, honey, vanilla, and the smell of coffee you had always had with you. it was a comforting smell; the sun beamed through the windows casting this angelic look onto you, you were some kind of angel that saw the good in him and never judged him too harshly. his heart felt like it was beating harshly against his chest, he didn’t know how long he had been staring at you but it felt like hours. you were just so beautiful, it was a beauty in all his 200 years of living that was different

“logan” you waved your hand in front of his face, he seemed zoned out, “you still there..?” your face wore with concern. he laughed “yeah i’m still here bub”

“i was going to make some cookies since the kids really seemed to like them..” he watched your movement, the way you spoke so highly of the kids the way you held yourself to a standard never faulting to that. it made him feel weak, if he had been completely honest he hadn’t been listening to a single thing you said. he was just in a different world

a different world admiring you, he wore a small smile “so this is what she meant by when you know you know..”

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

a/n — im still getting the just of writing again please bare with me </3

[blindvogel]

We know very little about the time Rook is stuck in Fade prison. Only that it is weeks and that the team crafts the fake dagger in the meantime. We never really learn what everyone feels or how they find Rook in the end. I think it is called the Lighthouse for a reason. So. Part two. Emmrich.

~~~

Its shape the absence of you (Part 2 of 3)

The memory has burned itself into his mind, plays on repeat every time he closes his eyes. Kamari, right in front of him, just a couple of steps away. Falling forward, reaching for the dagger in Ghilan’nain’s chest, he’d called to her to pull it out. And then she is gone. Just like that. Swept into the greater Fade with not even a trace for him to find. 

Other details are hazy. Davrin bodily dragging him away, down to the beach. The heat of the fire as Elgar'nan’s rage consumed the island. The silence of the Lighthouse.

When Emmrich opens his eyes the morning after there is a heavy weight sitting on his chest. Its shape the absence of her. 

She pins him down, like a butterfly in a box or a flower pressed between pages. 

This weight, it is seeing her face as it twists in anger and pain. Pain he caused her because he is a coward. It is the shake in her voice as she tries to stop him from breaking something beyond repair. Because he is a coward. It is the knowledge that the last memory he has of her will be this because he let his fear win. 

He’d been so afraid of the possibility that she would leave him in some nebulous made-up future, so afraid of causing her pain with his own death should she stay, against all odds. So scared of the what-ifs and the maybes. Of his own feelings. 

And nothing of this matters if he’s lost her. Just like this. Before he could repair what he had broken, before he had the chance to say how truly sorry he is. How much he needs her. How much it scares him if she should not feel the same way. 

Except- she does. Did. He simply had been too scared and too stubborn to believe it until it was almost too late. Is too late now. 

Emmrich is no stranger to loss and grief, to regrets. He has learned to carry them and not break, but he can feel the cracks. The rituals, the habits that he has picked up and created for himself after he joined the Mourn Watch have supported him through the darkest days. They do so now too even if it is a struggle. A clean shave, the proper dress, every piece of jewelry is a piece of stability, of armor against the pain. 

He has days where this works, where he can be a functioning member of the team. Go over news from Minrathous, work on theories and ideas how to stop Elgar’nan without the dagger - how to make one. 

It’s an idea that first sparks hope - trying to find Kamari in the vastness of the Fade by his usual means had yielded nothing, not even the smallest trace of her. But with the dagger they might be able to do something. 

He latches onto that idea, to that work like a lifeline. He spends days working out the details, the composition and crafting methods, and manages to procure the materials. He works on it feverishly, painstakingly. Yet when it is finished it is nothing but a bauble, a mere trinket, and not his salvation. 

Emmrich also has bad days. They all do. Kamari was not the only one that did not make it off the island. They lost Harding, Bellara. Both Taash and Neve take it hard, and he tries to be there for them with an open ear - he is a Watcher, it is part of his duty after all. 

But it is hard on the bad days, when he wakes up with the memory of her on his mind and that weight on his chest, when nothing he does can ease it. 

Then all he can do is sit in her room, one of her journals in his lap. She’d shown them to him once, her thoughts and feelings committed to paper, interspersed with pressed flowers she’d found on her travels with Varric. Emmrich knows there are also her thoughts on him in there - but he is still too much of a coward to read them. The page is marked with a Shroud’s Kiss. 

He also has not informed Myrna or Vorgoth. He knows he must, eventually, as is his duty. But it would be so final to put it to paper, like dousing the last flame of hope he keeps alive in his heart. 

It had been bad enough trying to explain it to Manfred when he had turned to him and simply asked, “Kamari?” 

“She is gone, Manfred. We’ve lost her to the greater Fade and I’m afraid it will not be as easy to bring her back.”

“Alive!”

“Oh I hope so, my boy.”

Then he had sent him out on an errand so Manfred would not see him cry.

It is a bad day when he finally opens the journal to the page with the pressed white flower - her favorite non-color as she had teased him after his little pedantic outburst during their date. White like fresh snow. The moon. Kamari, in an Old Nevarran dialect. The only thing she had ever received from her parents. He’d felt foolish then but she had just waved it away with a laugh, with such grace. 

Now his fingers tremble as he lifts the flower so he can read the words below.

I’m glad Manfred is back. It will make many things so much easier for Emmrich. He doesn’t really want to admit it, perhaps not even to himself, but he’s felt lonely without him. Without his family, his son. He waved it off when I suggested as much but it’s so clear to see. 

With Manfred back it’s going to be easier to convince Emmrich that he is braver than he gives himself credit for. That his fears are not everything, will not consume him. With time, he’ll see what I see. A wonderful, kind, loving man that has faced so many things thrown at him and not wavered in who he is. 

The strength of that conviction, that we must believe in kindness - it’s what gives me hope that we will get through this. It’s what I love about him.

The first tear falls onto the back of his hand and he quickly closes the journal, not wanting to smudge her words and lose this last thing he has of her. The reason he cannot give up hope. 

He cries himself to sleep on her couch that night, the journal pressed tightly to his chest. 

When Emmrich wakes in the early hours of the morning with a pounding headache and his heart heavy, it is to the sight of the Caretaker hovering in front of him. 

“A new path has opened, dweller. The Lighthouse will show the way as it has always done. A beacon to the lost.”

Then they disappear before he can ask any further questions. 

Emmrich stumbles to his feet and out of the room, out into the Library where there is a door that has not been there before. It leads to a spiraling corridor ushering him up and up and up, until he arrives at what must be the very top of the Lighthouse. Gemstone windows encircle the entire room, shimmering in every visible color and some that can only be felt. And in the middle of the room a light, warm and bright and a doorway beyond. 

His senses reach out to it, through it. It is as if he has become a lighthouse, his searching gaze traversing the Fade farther and faster. Somewhere, she is out there somewhere, he can feel it. 

He doesn’t know how long he stands there. Eventually there are Neve, Lucanis, Taash at his back. Asking questions, bickering. Still he searches, unwavering, until- 

“There, a light!”

“We’ve got something?!”

Emmrich reaches into, through the doorway. His fingers wrap around a wrist, his other hand finds the upper arm. Then Taash and Lucanis are beside him, reaching and pulling until there is no more resistance. Until she stumbles out of the Fade and into their arms. Whole. Alive.

Then Kamari pulls away, stumbles back with her hands raised, her breathing shallow, her eyes pressed shut. “Please. A moment.” 

Neve is faster. “What’s wrong?”

It takes Kamari a moment to answer. He can see her deliberately drawing breath, using a technique every initiate learns to deal with panic and pain to calm herself. His heart twists. 

“Too many sensations at once. Too bright, too loud, too much. I can feel… everything.” 

Then she opens her eyes and her gaze finds his, and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. What he sees there, a moonrise.

[calaisreno]

Classified

It’s Schrödinger’s wedding. 

1952 Words / Prompt: Jealousy

We’re sitting among the boxes of invitations, the venue’s brochures, and several dozen napkins folded into Sydney Opera Houses. John looks exhausted, and now that Mary’s gone home, I’ve suggested a break. 

I pour John a glass of scotch and hand it to him, struggling for the right words to open this discussion. If I’m not careful, it could end badly.

Sinking into my chair, I simply say, “Don’t.” 

John swallows a mouthful of whisky. “Don’t what?”

He looks confused. Of course. I’m terrible at this. Sentiment, feelings, honesty.

“Don’t… marry her.”

John sighs. “Sherlock.”

“Please, John. Just don’t.”

Confusion has given way to stubbornness, and of all people, John Watson is the most stubborn person I’ve ever known. It’s hopeless, ridiculous that I even brought this up. But it has to be said.

That night at the Landmark, when John was trying to strangle me, I promised myself that I would stop lying to him. Stop shading the truth. Just be honest. Who deserves the truth more than John, who grieved for two years, thinking his best friend was dead?

Best friend. More than I ever expected to have from this stubborn, loyal, surprising man who has always followed me, even after I broke his heart. He deserves the truth. 

And I deserve nothing. But I can’t let the man I love be hurt again, even if it means… well, I hope this won’t be our last conversation.

“What is this about?” John’s face wears that dogged expression. 

“I love you,” I begin. “And I’ve hurt you too much to pretend this is fine.”

John’s eyes widen, then narrow. “You love me. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“You called me your best friend. I don’t care what you make of it—“

“You don’t do feelings. Married to your work, grit on the lens—“

“You’re not the only one who’s grieved, John. Yes, I do have feelings. And I would be prepared to set them aside, to accept that I do not deserve your love, but I owe you the truth.”

“You love me.”

It’s bad enough that John seems to be stuck on you love me. That isn’t even the point right now. (Note to self: next time, lead with your wife-to-be is probably an assassin.) 

“Yes. Which is why I’m about to tell you the last thing you want to hear right now.”

“I’m about to get married, Sherlock! Why are you doing this now— you’ve never given me the tiniest clue that you even considered me a friend. I don’t have friends. Remember that? What is this— are you jealous? Is that what this is about?” 

I’m terrible at this. I’ve vowed to be honest, not to keep John in the dark all the time, and all John is taking from this is that I’m jealous. 

I try again. “You’re about to marry a woman you don’t know. A woman who is lying to you.”

Now John’s wearing his isn’t this ironic face. “Oh, well, I suppose I should be used to people who love me lying to me! You’ve given me plenty of practice, you know.”

“I realise my apology for that is inadequate. I understand that you will never return my feelings, and I will live with that. I’m not jealous. Marry whomever you want, John— just not her. She’s not who she claims to be. I’m telling you this because I believe you’re in danger.”

“All right, then.” Still angry, but also curious. “Tell me. Who is she?”

“I don’t know yet. I do know that she’s not Mary Morstan, who was stillborn in 1972 and buried in Chiswick Cemetery. The night I met her, I deduced that she’s hiding something, so I went to Mycroft. While I was gone, he was supposed to keep an eye on you because we believed Moriarty’s organisation might still take action against you. When I realised that she was not who she said she was, I gave him an earful for letting an unknown close to you.”

“And what did he say?”

“Nothing. He wouldn’t tell me anything about her. Classified. Which tells me most of what I needed to know. He knows exactly who she is, which suggests that she’s an agent of some sort, probably freelance. She may have done work for the British government, which would be how he knew her.”

He rolls his eyes. “You’re an agent of the government, I believe. Don’t even try telling me you weren’t working for your brother these past two years. Maybe she doesn’t have clearance to tell me what kind of work she did.”

“But she hasn’t even mentioned it, has she? She told you she’s a nurse. And she’s using a name that’s not her own. You’re marrying her, John— the fact that she’s assumed a false identity—“

“—means that she’s in some sort of witness protection. That she doesn’t have clearance to tell anyone.“ Annoyed, but not in denial. Uncomfortable now that he’s thinking about it. 

“Mycroft would have said if that were the case. And he would have threatened me to keep my hands off. The fact that he’s said nothing means that she’s part of an active investigation. And most likely not currently working for the British government. If she were, he would have said.”

John is silent. 

“Ignorance is not bliss, John. You made that point quite forcefully the night I returned.”

“She’s active?” He looks dazed. 

“Mycroft wouldn’t say. But it’s not the kind of work anyone actually leaves behind.” 

“And you’re telling me this now? You couldn’t have said sooner? Christ, we’ve started planning the wedding!” Angry again.

“I wasn’t sure. I’m more certain now, though.”

John has reached his limit. “I… I’ve got to go. I can’t deal with this now. Just… I’m going.” He grabs his coat, stuffs his arms in the sleeves, and marches out the door.

… (Continues below cut)

I return from buying milk (I really must be losing my mind if I’m going to the shops, but tea requires milk and sugar and Mrs Hudson is still showing her displeasure at my inexplicable return by not running errands for me) and find Mycroft sitting in my chair. He knows, of course, which chair is mine and which is John’s, and is making a statement whose meaning I can guess. Power dynamics: my chair. 

Considering who’s paid the rent for the last two years, it actually is Mycroft’s chair. I make tea, hand a mug to Mycroft, and sit in John’s chair. 

“Well, brother.” He gives me an appraising look. 

I’m used to the evaluation; it happens every time I see my brother, that once-over to determine if (a) I’ve relapsed, (b) I’ve done something else Mycroft will regret, or c) I’m about to lie about something not covered under (a) or (b). The best way to side-track this is to get on his nerves.

“This is about John, isn’t it?” I blow on my tea. “Otherwise you would have called.”

“He came to see me yesterday, directly from seeing you. Asking what I knew about Mary Morstan. Now, where did he get the idea that she’d been lying to him, if not from you?”

“You didn’t swear me to silence.”

Mycroft sips his tea, but says nothing. He’s very good at keeping his own counsel. 

“I asked him not to marry her,” I say. “I don’t have any real proof, other than what I told him, but reasoned that it would be better not to leave it until the last moment. I’m wondering, though, why you were willing to let it happen. You let her close to John, when it’s obvious she was planted in his surgery because of me.”

Mycroft smirks. “You don’t think it was Dr Watson’s charms that drew her to him?”

“Mary Morstan isn’t like the others. Who is she working for?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you can guess.”

“I’m not giving you an unfounded hypothesis, Sherlock. The matter is still classified.” He shifts in his seat, watching me, then relents a bit. “You’re not wrong about her. But we cannot afford to tip her off yet. The marriage will be invalid, of course.”

(Note to self: Kill Mycroft.)

“This should never have happened. John is not a chess piece, a thing to be sacrificed for your game. Now, go away. I don’t want to talk to you until you can give me some answers.”

Without a word, Mycroft stands, tucks his umbrella under his arm, glares at me, and leaves. 

…

It’s night, and I’m walking. No particular destination, just around the park until I’m too tired to walk further. 

When I finally open the door of 221B, John is sitting on the stairs. 

He looks up at me, but doesn’t speak. And for once, I can’t read his look. Either he’s said something to Mary, or he hasn’t. She’s lied to him, or she’s told him the truth. He’s forgiven her or he’s broken it off. 

It’s Schrödinger’s wedding. 

I hang my coat by the door. He still hasn’t spoken, but budges over to make room for me.

“You said you love me.”

“Yes.”

“You promised not to lie.”

“I’m not lying. I do love you.”

“I mean, about Mary.”

“I spoke with Mycroft. She’s part of an active investigation, as I guessed. He wouldn’t give me details.”

“Jesus. And you love me.” 

I feel his eyes on me, but say nothing. Either he accepts it, or he doesn’t.

“You told me you were married to your work. That’s a pretty clear signal you weren’t interested. Why did you say that?”

“Because I was a coward. And soon you were dating women, which was also a clear signal, and there wasn’t any point in bringing it up again.”

“When you say love, what do you mean?”

“I want you to be happy. If that’s with someone other than me, fine. But someone who’s lying to you cannot make you happy.”

He leans closer, his shoulder against mine. “And what would make you happy? If you could have anything you want?”

“A locked room triple homicide, no murder weapon.”

He gives a low chuckle. “Idiot. I mean, what do you want from me?”

“Whatever you’ll give me. I’m prepared to be your friend for life, if that’s what you want.”

“Nothing more? Just friends? Not romantic?”

No lies, not now. “Yes, I want more. I want you to live here, to sleep in my bed, yes— with all that entails. To never leave me. But I will take what I can—”

“Yes. All of it.”

It’s my turn to be silent. 

He rubs his eyes. Sleepless night. “I told her I couldn’t marry her. You’d best let Mycroft know if he’s trying to suss her out. She’s already packing her bags.”

“Did she tell you what she is?”

“I didn’t ask. I just told her I was in love with you.”

I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut. No, I feel like what I imagine when I think of kissing John. Breathless, heart-pounding. 

“Are you in love with me?”

“I thought you knew.” He smiles, takes my hand in his own. “Yes, I am.”

My voice shakes. “And what did she say?”

“She already knew.” His smile broadening, John leans in. 

The kiss is better than any I could imagine. 

He doesn’t let go when it ends. “So, if I’d decided to marry her anyway…” He grins. “What was your plan for that?”

The truth. I promised. “I was going to kidnap you.”

He gives me a smouldering look. “You could still do that.”

(Note to self: I’m going to have to get used to John Watson’s love language.)

...

Read/comment on AO3

[soapsilly]

My Kind of Woman - Roronoa Zoro Imagine

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Reader

Summary: Zoro being love drunk - and also a little drunk drunk - for (Y/N). A short story inspired by Mac DeMarco - My Kind Of Woman.

Requests are closed

************************************************************************

It was late... or rather early? Did it really count as the next morning when you never even went to sleep? There weren't very many people left - most of them had already gone home or were passed out. Nothing unusual for the feasts the Straw Hats would have regularly after a big fight. The huge bonfire had gone out hours ago but there embers still glimmered red and hot. Somewhere, Brook was still playing a song on his guitar. It was slow and almost sultry.

Zoro was more than a little buzzed as he watched (Y/N) drunkenly sway to the music. He was mesmerized by her. The way her hips moved to the music so perfectly. Her eyes were closed as she listened to the tunes, a small smile present on her face. He knew she was dancing for herself only, not to impress any of those men that were there this evening, not even for him. That didn't stop the swordsman from still watching the woman intently though. Zoro sometimes couldn't believe the effect she had on him. All the little nicknames, the nights they spent together, small kisses and hidden touches. It was all so foreign to Zoro but strangely he didn't mind at all.

"Here", she pushed something in his hands.

"What's this?", he blinked a few times.

"My wanted poster. It has a picture of me on it... It'll last longer", she winked at him.

The swordsman grinned stupidly as he unfolded the paper in his hands.

He took another swig of his drink, letting the taste linger in his mouth, watching the way her arms snacked themselves around herself in a soothing hug, a bottle of liquor dangling in her hands. He wasn't a dancer but his mind almost automatically imagined himself in her arms, swaying to the music. Oh, the things she did to him...

She was everything for him. How could a woman like her ever stay with a guy like him? He was stubborn. A brute. Not romantic in the slightest. And yet she was always by his side, making sure he ate, slept, rested. That shitty cook liked to remind Zoro that she was too good for him every chance he got - any maybe he was right - but as long as she would have him he'd do everything for her.

"Are you serious? You need to rest! Your wounds haven't even healed properly and here you are training again already! I'm not gonna stay and watch you kill yourself"

"Leave then, I never asked you to be here anyways", Zoro regretted the words as soon as they left his lips.

"You're an idiot, do you know that?", she told him before leaving the room.

He was sure he had permanently fucked things up with her this time, kicking himself over it, but in the evening (Y/N) came up to him.

"You shouldn't talk to me this way"

"I'm sorry", he meant it. He really did. He expected her to tell him to get lost, to not talk to her again but instead she hugged him. He didn't understand why she stuck right next to him, but he didn't dare to vocalize his thoughts, afraid of putting ideas in her head.

As if under a spell, he made his way over to her. He would blame the alcohol in the morning but he knew it was her that had this intoxicating effect on him. He knew the guys would tease him for his public display of affection but he didn't care. All he cared about right now was (Y/N). When he hugged her from behind, she didn't even hesitate as she turned around nuzzling her face in the nape of his neck.

"Didn't take you for a dancer"

"Couldn't help myself "

For a moment the two of them just stood there, swaying to the music, enjoying each others company.

"'M tired...", she mumbled into his shoulder.

"Want me to bring you back to the Sunny?", he leaned down, his lips brushing against her ear as he spoke.

"Only if you join me"

She didn't have to ask twice as he easily scooped her into his arms to carry her back to the Sunny. He'd never understand how he deserved a woman like her. He never was the romantic type but with her it was different. She was his kind of woman.

[bigasswritingmagnet]

Fandom: Girl Genius Pairing: Oggie/Oggie's Wife Summary: De night it vos my turn to taste de Jägerdraught, she left camp. Din leave nottin, din take nottin. It vos ten years later, ven ve vos out pillaging, dot Hy found out she had taken someting avay vit her after all.

Ten long years ago a story was left without an ending. Radka believed if she simply stopped telling the tale it would never need to be finished. Before she could tell Ognian about her pregnancy and before he could risk his life taking the Jägerdraught, she fled, leaving the pages of their story open and free of that final note of tragedy.

But the reality is, lives are not chapters in a book, and the story doesn't go away just because you stopped reading. Ognian gets the surprise of his life and Radka has a lot of explaining to do.

AO3 Link | Sequel to The End - Or Lack Thereof

“Vasil.”

The boy scowled at his feet, shoulders hunched.

“Vasil.”

Finally, he lifted his head and met her eyes. Vasil was the spitting image of his father, except for his eyes (which was unfortunate, but better her eyes than be burdened with her chin). Ognian might be dead, or he might be alive, but either way Radka could see him every day in Vasil’s laugh, his voice, in the wrinkle of his nose and the light in his eyes – even if they were the wrong shape and color.

It was exactly what she had wanted, and it was a knife in her heart every time.

But while the face was Ognian’s, that sullen, stubborn glare was all Radka.

“You cannot fight the world for me.”

“He called you a whore.”

“He called you a whoreson.”

“That’s the same thing!”

“Only technically.”

Radka had tried to teach him her way of dealing with people, cutting them with words, which could hurt just as well and didn’t get you in near as much trouble. She thought he might take to it – he had not inherited Ognian’s mental acuity, for which Radka was also thankful – but Vasil found physical retribution faster and easier. 

“I hate this stupid town!” Vasil exploded. “Everyone thinks they’re better than us! They all talk about us behind our backs, and you want us to just smile and ignore it!”

Radka had travelled as far from Mechanicsburg as she could get before travel became too difficult, and settled in a little town called Poveste, which she came to loathe exactly ten minutes after it was too late to leave. The tavern owners were condescendingly sympathetic to a young woman in the family way by a mysterious man she would not name who ‘might be dead’, and allowed her to perform for their guests when they had them, and scrub the floors when they did not.

They even offered room and board in exchange for a percentage of her earnings, but Radka would rather scrape by in the lean winter months than put up with daily compliments about how surprisingly moral she was for a ruined woman.

“You don’t have to ignore it, and you don’t have to like it, but we live here, Vasil, and that means we have to get along with people.”

“So why don’t we just go?”

“Even if we could afford to move, anywhere we could afford to live would be just like this, with no guarantee I could find work.” It was an old argument, and one they had been having more and more frequently as Vasil grew older and less satisfied with the life around him. Radka didn’t like it much either, but what else could she do? Pack up and go to Mechanicsburg and hope whatever family Ognian had believed her?

“We could—”

“You are changing the subject,” Radka pointed out. “I want you to stop fighting each and every person in the world who makes the smallest slight against me. Do you think you might be physically capable of that?”

Vasil opened his mouth, but before he could answer – not that it mattered, she knew the answer would be ‘no’ – the bell in the center of town began to ring the frantic, desperate tones of alarm.

Radka flew to the door and stuck her head outside. Doors were slamming shut, men and women were running for shelter or for weapons. When she looked down the road out of town, she could see a distant red glow drowning the stars.

“Jӓgermonsters! Jӓgermonsters coming from the west! It’s the Heterodyne!”

“Well, shit.”

Radka closed the door and shot the deadbolt home, as if it would buy them more than a few extra seconds.

“Mama?” Vasil was looking up at her with wide, worried eyes. Radka tried to think sensibly. She could not trust that every one of the Heterodyne’s men would recognize her, especially in the chaos of an attack. She needed to think of them as the monsters they were, not as the men she performed for.

“Close all the shutters, lock the back door. Poveste is too small and too poor to be their main target. This is just them blowing off some steam. They’ll burn a few buildings and kill a few cows as they ride through, but they won’t stop.”

I hope.

“How do you know?”

“I know many things. Go.”

Radka took the box with their savings and buried it in the coal box, but left what little jewelry she had lying on her dresser. If someone did come in here, they might not think to look for hidden things if they found something valuable laying around.

They heard the thundering of hooves, the pounding of feet, and the unnatural howling of the Jӓgers — monsters and man alike. Radka clutched Vasil to herself, but when she glanced down at him, she saw no fear in his face, only a grim solemnity that made him look unusually unlike his father.

Vasil was five when he first asked why he didn’t have a father. Radka didn’t like to lie to him, but she didn’t think he would understand if she told him. He had been old enough to understand the concept of death and grief, but far too young to understand the fear of them.

“I had to leave him behind,” Radka had told him. “He might be dead now.” 

“Are you sad?”

“Yes. But I have you.”

You couldn’t prove a negative. If she didn’t see him, it only meant she couldn’t spot him in the dark and the chaos. But if she did see him…

Radka slid open one of the shutters, just enough that she could see the road and the front walk. They were moving fast, and lit only by torchlight and burning buildings, and Radka could not see their faces beyond a jumble of fangs and snouts and fur.

One man, tearing by on foot, snagged the rose trellis at the foot of the path to the door and brought it crashing down, tearing the flowers up by the roots. He didn’t even stop to see his handwork.

“Unnecessary,” Radka muttered.

And realized she was no longer holding Vasil. The door was swinging wide open. Radka looked back out the window and – Vasil. Standing in the road. Holding a rock. Face twisted with outrage.

Radka let out a low moan of horror and lunged for the door. Just as she reached the doorframe, Vasil drew back his arm and threw.

The world seemed to slow. Everything was hushed and distant. Radka’s eyes followed the stone as it slid through the air and thought not this kind of tragedy, not this kind of tragedy, not this kind of tragedy—

Then the rock cracked against the back of the Jӓgermonster’s skull, and the screaming and shouting and chaos came rushing back. Radka’s muscles tensed, but before she could make a move to haul Vasil back inside to safety, her heart stopped in her chest because Ognian turned around.

Ognian.

Alive.

Battle axe clutched in one hand, a military greatcoat over a bare chest, rubbing the back of his head and staring at Vasil with a goggle-eyed disbelief that Radka would have gleefully mocked him for, once. His blonde hair was tucked behind pointed ears and in his open mouth she could see

Vill hyu still let me kiss hyu ven Hy gets de teeth?

fangs, but it was still Oggie. It was Oggie and he was burning the town down around her ears and she was so happy to see him she could have cried.

I will, she wanted to say. I want to kiss you, I will always want to kiss you.  

Vasil pointed at the shattered trellis and uprooted roses.

“You’re a tough guy, huh?” he shouted over the crash of weapons and the screams of excitement and terror. “Yeah, really impressive, knocking down a plant. Why don’t you hit something that can hit back?”

Ognian checked his hand – no blood – and visibly shook himself.

“Hyu go back inside, kid,” he said, sharply. “Vere iz safe.”

Radka felt faint. Her heart ached. Just the sound of his voice nearly brought her to her knees. This had to be love, there was no other way to explain how she could be standing on the wrong end of a Jäger raid and feel for him exactly as she had when she knew him as nothing but her lover. 

Vasil raised his fists, feet sliding into the position she had taught him. He’d learned the fighting part well; it was the your goal is to end the fight and get away as quickly as possible part that consistently escaped him.

“Fight me,” he demanded. “You coward.”

Ognian’s face went hard. He bared his fangs and stalked towards Vasil.

“Hyu vant a fight?” He lifted up his battle axe, which had never seemed to sharp and so deadly as it did now, the light of the burning bakery glinting off its edges like fresh blood.

Vasil stood, unmoving and unafraid, as Ognian stalked towards him. Radka felt panic make her chest go tight. Vasil was exactly as stubborn as his father. Unstoppable force and immovable object: Ognian was going to try and scare him away, and Vasil would call his bluff, and then what would Ognian do?

Ognian raised his axe one handed over his head.

Vasil tensed, drawing back his fist.

Because Ognian was bluffing. He had to be bluffing. He had to be. She knew Ognian, and yes, it had been ten years but she knew even the worst of the Jӓgers thought twice about mowing down children, surely he would never…

Radka realized she was standing there like the prize maiden sworn to be handed off to whichever knight in shining armor won the fight.

“Ognian! Oggie, don’t!” 

Both her boys froze. Both looked to her.  

Ognian’s jaw dropped.

Very slowly, moving no other muscles, Vasil and Ognian turned their heads back to stare at each other. The axe fell out of Ognian’s still upraised hand, landing blade-first in the dirt road and sticking.

Radka darted forward, grabbed them both by their collars, and dragged them into the house. Pushing them inside, she slammed the door behind herself.

“Vasil,” she said, conversationally. “Do you remember the conversation we just had when I said not to fight the world for me?” Radka gestured at the door. “That? That was exactly what I was asking you not to do.”

She was vibrating with nerves and something like fear, her eyes flicking back and forth between Ognian and Vasil’s faces so quickly it nearly made her dizzy. Both were still staring at her, Vasil as if he had never laid eyes on her before, Ognian as if he couldn’t tell if she was real or a hallucination.

Radka wondered what kind of a picture she made to him. Part of her was surprised he’d recognized her – sometimes she barely recognized herself. Her clothes were practical wool dyed practical colors, no flashy silks or low-cut vests. Her figure had gone soft after the pregnancy; life had seen fit to sneak early greys into her ginger curls. Worry and stress had carved their lines on her face.

But Ognian had changed, too, now that she could see him closer in the light. Not older – he would never look older, not anymore – but different. He had never been a fastidious man, but he had kept himself clean cut. Ognian was unshaven, his hair shaggy, looking long out of neglect rather than design. Beneath even that, there was something else she could not quite put her finger on. Something harder and sharper. Perhaps the Jägerdraught changed things on the inside, too.  

Jerkily, she gestured between the two.

“Ognian, Vasil. Vasil, Ognian.”

Radka clasped her hands in front of herself and waited while the two stared at each other. At no point had she ever imagined this moment. Secret sons and fathers were deathbed revelations given by a woman who would immediately die and thus never have to explain herself to either party or face any consequences for her actions.

Radka was in a lot of trouble.

“A Jӓgermonster?” Vasil shouted. “You said he was dead!”

“I said he might be dead.”

“You didn’t say he might be a Jӓgermonster!”

“Because, Vasil, my having had a Heterodyne raider for a lover would be quite a problem here, and you – like your father before you – are a great big blabbermouth.”

“I am not!” Ognian and Vasil both said at the same time, and stared at each other again.

Then Ognian looked at Radka, who forced herself to meet his eyes and not shrink back.

“I was going to tell you,” she said, “and then you were going to be a Jӓger, and you…and then I didn’t tell you.”

No immediate response. Radka’s strength failed her, and she looked away. When at last Ognian spoke his voice was low, disbelieving, and full of pain.

“Hyu did dis to me on purpose?”

“I didn’t do anything to you—”

“Didn’t do anyting?” Ognian interrupted, anger slowly consuming betrayal. “Didn’t do anyting? Hyu tell me hyu von’t care if Hy become a Jӓger, den hyu leave vitout effen a note! Hyu haff my son, und hyu vuz neffer goink to tell me! Hy vould go my whole life not knowink und it iz gonna be a real long life, Radka!”

“No, you wouldn’t know! It would not hurt you, because you were either dead or ignorant of the fact, and therefore, not in any position to be injured—”

“Hyu tink hyu leavink didn’t hurt?” Ognian demanded, and Radka flinched. “Hy thought—hyu said hyu didn’t care but den hyu left!”

Radka shut her eyes. What a marvelous plan she had had, if Ognian had been a character in a story who disappeared the moment he was off-stage. In leaving, she had avoided her tragedy and served Ognian his on a silver platter. Can you still love me when I am a Jäger? No. So very no that she would take off running and never look back.

That was the hardness in his face, she realized. She had cut him deeply enough to leave scars. She’d broken his heart.

“How many soldiers do you know who would be pleased to discover they are suddenly saddled with a pregnant lover?”

“Me!” Ognian shouted. “Me! Hy vould! Hyu tink Hy vould, vut, trow hyu avay? Iz dot de kind of man hyu tink Hy am?”  

“I didn’t know what you would do!” Radka snapped. “It wasn’t like we’d ever discussed it!”  

“Hyu could haff asked!”

“Oh, yes,” Radka said, sarcastically, and put on a voice of poisonous false cheer. “’Hello, my swain, apropos of nothing, how would you feel in a purely hypothetical situation if I were to say, accidentally get pregnant by you just as you are about to become a Jäger?’ Ognian, you have your moments, but you are not that stupid!”

“Hyu iz goink to make fun of me now? Hy’z not an idiot, und Hy’z not a bird!”

Radka stared, brow furrowed, and then put her hand to her face. “Swain, Ognian, not swan. It means lover.”

“Now hyu iz tryink to give me a vocabulary lesson!” Ognian shouted, hysterically. “Vut iz wrong vit hyu?”

“I didn’t want to know!” Radka shouted back. “That was why! It had nothing to do with you being a Jäger, it was about you becoming a Jäger! There was a ninety percent chance you were going to die horrifically, and I didn’t want to know if I was living in a world that didn’t have you in it! You wouldn’t be a tragedy if I never saw the ending!”

Ognian stared at her, mouth wide open. He let out a wordless scream of frustration, burying his hands in his hair. He walked away and then swung back, furious, marching towards her, jabbing a finger at her. 

“Hyu and hyu damn stories—!”

Vasil, who had been watching, silent and forgotten, leapt in and shoved Ognian hard. It was only because Ognian was in motion and caught off guard that it made the Jӓger stumble back a few steps.

“Don’t yell at her!” Vasil shouted, fists clenched.

“Und Hy dun effen know vut to tink about hyu!”

Tears began to stream down Vasil’s face, and Radka’s heart shattered again and again with every word. “How do you think I feel? All my life she told me my father was so great and she loved him so much and I get you! I get a Jӓgermonster and you’re yelling at her and you wrecked our garden and I hate you!”

Radka crossed the floor, dropped to her knees and hugged him tightly. Vasil collapsed sobbing into her arms.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

Their door burst open and three Jӓgers came pouring in. They immediately screeched to a halt, their laughter dying on their lips. Radka glanced at Ognian, and knew what a picture they made. Mother and son cowering away from the big bad Jӓgermonster.

Not a man having his entire life turned upside down by the woman he’d...

“Get out!” Ognian bellowed, and the Jӓgers scrambled away, the last one even pulling the door shut behind him.

The surprise had drained the tension from the room. Vasil was hiccupping and sniffling, but his tears had stopped enough that he could wipe his face. Ognian leaned against the table, rubbing his forehead and staring at his feet.

And Radka…

“I didn’t think it would hurt you,” Radka said, softly, “because I didn’t think you’d be alive to be hurt. It was too...poetic. I show up to tell you I’m carrying your child moments after you’re chosen for a ceremony that kills most people who take it.” She looked at Vasil, who was watching her with an oddly wary expression. “I never told you that your father might be a Jäger because I didn’t think he was. And he is absolutely right.”

Ognian looked up in surprise.  

“He is perfectly justified in being angry at me for making major life decisions that affected us both, based on the assumption that the real world operates like a story, without his input.”

“So vut vuz all dot about me beink too stupid to die?” Ognian demanded, without much ire.

“Narrative convention would outweigh your intellect, obviously,” Radka said, with a dry and humorless twist of her mouth. “It would have been the perfect end to a romantic tragedy, and I played my part, resigning myself to a life of joyless drudgery, the fire of any kind of happiness gone out save the one piece of you I was so lucky as to get.”

And then Ognian and Vasil turned to each other and shared A Look – the look of two people commiserating over a situation that was exasperating, but not unexpected.

“Yes, alright,” Radka said, irritably.

“Mama…” Vasil said, with great pain on his face. “Mama, that’s stupid.”

“Thank you, Vasil, I am aware.”

“Now,” Ognian pointed out. He glanced at the door and cocked his head, listening. Radka heard it too—the sounds of chaos were a little further away. “Ve iz only passink through on our vay home. Hy can’t stay.”

“Well,” Radka said, standing and brushing her knees off, not looking at Ognian. “I can hardly keep you here—”

“Oh no, no, no,” Ognian interrupted, once more jabbing a finger at her. “Hy dun tink so. Hyu dun get out of dis dot easy. Hy iz not leavink hyu here to have to raise our son all by hyuself. Hyu tought Hy vould die because it vuz a tragedy, but Hy iz still here. If it izn’t a tragedy, it iz a comedy, und hyu said a comedy ends in a vedding or a feast, und Hy…”

He gestured around the room.

“Dun see any food.”

Radka’s mouth popped open.

“That,” she managed at last, “is the least romantic and most personally tailored proposal I have ever heard.”

“Iz dot a yes?”

There was an insistent tugging at her sleeve. Vasil stared up at her, imploringly.

“If you marry a Jägermonster, we don’t have to live in Poveste anymore,” he said, earnestly.

“I…well, no, obviously, but—”

Ognian took her hand and drew her in, putting his hands on her shoulders. Radka’s mouth began to wobble.

“It didn’t even work,” she whispered. “I put everybody through all that and it still hurt.”

“Vell maybe hyu learn hyu lesson for next time.”

He pressed his mouth to hers in the most wonderful, most emotionally complicated kiss of her life. His arms were as strong as she remembered them.

When they pulled away, Ognian’s expression was slightly worried.

“Dot’s definitely a yez, right?”

Radka smiled, her heart swelling, and put a gentle hand on his cheek.

“I am delighted to see you have not grown a single ounce of brain in the last ten years, you deeply stupid light of my life. Yes, Ognian, I will marry you. With all my heart.” 

The kiss was longer and a little deeper this time. They both ignored the quiet blech from Vasil. When at last Ognian pulled away, it was with great reluctance.

“Hy should probably go before anybody sees me.”

“Go out the back. We’ll pack and leave at dawn.” She smiled. “You’re an easy bunch to track.”

“Ve iz takink de east road,” he told her. “De Heterodyne vill camp soon.” He kissed her again, briefly. Then to Vasil, he said “Hey, ven ve get to Mechanicsburg, Hy build hyu a new flower ting, ya?”

“Trellis,” Vasil sniffed. Then, with some forbearance, “Okay.”

Ognian squeezed Radka’s hand one last time, and was gone.

And then it was Radka and Vasil alone, again. If she didn’t look at the broken deadbolt on the door, she could pretend it had never happened. Some strange and terrible part of her brain played the story of her and Vasil running in the opposite direction, leaving Ognian waiting, waiting forever and ever, his heart breaking all over again—

She took a deep breath.

“Vasil, could you start packing? Fast and light. Mama’s going to lie down and have hysterics for a bit.”

[blorboazula]

a little draft on how this AU could start (basically: people think Azula is being stubborn for not speaking to anyone, meanwhile her vocal chords are just terribly damaged – kinda want to write it in Azula's POV actually, but Katara's sorta my default for some reason). (buy me a coffee)

In every interaction of theirs, Azula was polite enough when she wasn't trying to kill them. Or trying to capture them, actually, in hindsight it didn't quite look like she was going for the kill. (She was too deadly, too efficient, for not having killed them if she wanted to.) Surprisingly pacific for a perfect princess soldier.

Which means Katara isn't that surprised by Azula good behavior in the asylum Zuko sent her to. She's more annoyed by how long it took him to bring her home, being stuck in a place where she was locked up in her room all day, forced to take teas to keep her malleable and with her bending weakened didn't seem like the ideal way to deal with yet another child soldier.

It's ironic, really, that knowing Zuko better is exactly what made Katara feel any sympathy towards Azula at all.

Knowing more of Zuko's childhood is also why she's here. It took not much convincing for him to believe that if Azula is behaving well, maybe she doesn't need to stay stuck in there. Reports say she's quiet and cooperative, there are group activities and she seems to tend to have a teamwork mentality – that explains why she's that good at strategy. The only issue is that she doesn't talk.

She never talks. Not even back in the palace, not to servants that have been around her her whole life. She silently acknowledges them, with nods and glances. There are no threats, and no fire, even after a few weeks and there's no trace of that chi-weakening tea. She's not even hostile towards her, and she had been expecting lightning in her face instead of a nod before Azula went on to do whatever she was going to do.

In one of her walks around the palace, late at night, Katara finds herself in that courtyard. It has been over a year, the ground is still scorched. It's disturbing to look at the grate and remember the chains – it's a weird feeling, knowing she did the right thing, stopping Azula, but feeling so bad for the way she did it.

The chains, the armor, had been deformed where Azula's fire touched. Fire hot enough to soften metal.

She blinks, fire hot enough to soften metal.

Firebenders aren't immune to fire, look at Zuko's face.

She's not surprised that Azula is up when she knocks at her door, the princess just frowns at her and tilts her head. It's kinda cute- what? She's quite expressive, actually, Katara had formed the image of cold and stoic, when Azula says more with her eyebrows than with her words.

"I want to test something, I-" this is something they should have checked, yes? Treated, like they treated the burns on her wrists and her chest and shoulders- "You can't speak. It's not that you don't want, or that you're this stubborn, you just can't."

Azula looks astounded for a second, like she expected nobody to notice it. She didn't seem to mind that people thought she was a stubborn brat, letting it slide and just being... a quiet presence. Like she was tired of fighting, of taking up space, like she wanted some peace.

You know, like she was exhausted from a life of being someone's pawn in a senseless war.

"Does it hurt? Your throat?" Azula blinks, like nobody has asked her if anything hurts- then she nods. "I can try to... soothe it a little. I can't really heal anything..."

Azula seems to calculate the risk of allowing someone to bend water on her throat, but maybe it hurts enough to be worth the risk. She nods, steps aside and allows Katara into the room.

Not in a million years Katara thought she'd be in the Fire Nation's Crown Princess chambers to offer her relief for her pain, but here she is.

The war is over, everyone deserves their pain to be soothed, their wounds healed.

[thegreenthepeacetheorange]

On Gale and patriarchy/toxic masculinity

I really want to do a reading and analysis of Gale's character as upholding patriarchal values and expectations of toxic masculinity because this stuck out to me as I listened to the CF audiobook before bed last night. From chapter 1 of CF:

I think of Gale, who is only really alive in the woods, with its fresh air and sunlight and clean, flowing water. I don't know how he stands it. Well ... yes, I do. He stands it because it's the way to feed his mother and two younger brothers and sister. And here I am with buckets of money, far more than enough to feed both our families now, and he won't take a single coin. It's even hard for him to let me bring in meat, although he'd surely have kept my mother and Prim supplied if I'd been killed in the Games. I tell him he's doing me a favor, that it drives me nuts to sit around all day. Even so, I never drop off the game while he's at home. Which is easy since he works twelve hours a day. 

Highlighted the part that really made my ears perk up. There's something to be said about Gale's stubbornness and his pride, which is very similar to Katniss's but he always takes it another step. Whereas Katniss learns to accept others' help, to forge these connections, Gale doesn't. It's giving "I'm the man and this is my job." For someone who wants nothing more than to help keep his family alive, it's weird that he refuses any help.

At first I thought maybe he doesn't want her money because it's from the Capitol and he despises it that much but she says it's hard for him to even have her bring meat in from hunting. Which points to his pride. He wants to be the provider. The one taking care of her. And it leaves Katniss in a kinda tricky place. It's like she's walking on eggshells around him here - purposely not dropping off game at his house when he's there.

Compare that with Peeta (which as a reader, like Katniss, you end up doing when either of these two guys come up) and it's so different. We know Peeta is strong and smart etc. He's not a hunter but he's also still a provider (of bread). And he has his own pride too. But going through the Games, Peeta and Katniss have a balanced push and pull. She helps him, he helps her. She takes care of him, he takes care of her. When he's hurt, he lets Katniss help him. He's not too proud to try and do it himself. Same with Katniss. She lets him take care of her when she needs it. And this is something they learn from the Games, particularly Katniss; how to accept help from others. And we see her development in this over the course of the trilogy.

Gale is interesting in that I really think he is one of the characters in the books who really doesn't grow as such. In my mind, he's rooted in place in many ways. From his ideals, to his thoughts, to his strategies, to his actions, he doesn't really develop much. He has moments - but a lot of those moments are tied to wanting to apologise to or be better for Katniss (and still he comes up short). I'm thinking of the moment where he makes her feel bad for defending her prep team in 13 and then later tries to smooth things over in the canteen by being kind. I believe that's something he did only for Katniss. She's his motivation to be different (but turns out that's not enough still.)

I'll maybe build on this another time but this passage made me think of what he says when he sees Katniss after Prim's death. "Does it matter? You'll always be thinking about it... That was the one thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family." Instead of apologising for helping to create such bombs, instead of asking for forgiveness, instead of crying with her, instead of expressing his sorrow and regret at what's happened, this is all he's able to say. Which is odd to me. To not even try to comfort your supposed closest friend at such a time. To say that's all you had going for you? It's this relationship of transaction. 'I take care of your family and hunt with you so you should end up marring me.' I really don't think that's far from what Gale expected.

I think there's even more to say about Gale as a patriarchal character but I've rambled on enough at this point. But his attitude and perspective throughout the book, while aligned with that of a traumatised young adult in the midst of oppression, also aligns heavily with patriarchal constructs. The way he thinks of war and people and human relationships, the way he thinks of fighting and death, and the way he thinks of doing whatever you have to do to achieve your end, no matter what happens or who gets hurt in pursuit of it. If anyone has any reading on Gale in these areas I'd be so interested in it!

[thelunarfairy]

A post about Hanene

These days I found some people talking about Hanene on the internet and how there are some who don't like this ship. It wasn't because they considered the novel poorly done, no, it was because they didn't like the way Yashiro treats Hanako.

I found it super interesting to read most of the reports, each with their own opinions and revolts against Yashiro and let's face it, most people like Hanene precisely because Hanako is the one who often goes after Nene.

What I noticed was that people weren't understanding the dynamics of their relationship. Let's remember that Yashiro was initially never interested in Hanako. She says this all the time.

"he's not my type"

What happens is that Hanako simply ignores her and does what he wants. Yashiro goes after him to make a request, she wanted a boyfriend, she wanted Teru, but Hanako didn't give her that.

He used dubious methods to make her try to win him over, but nothing too serious and we knew it wouldn't work. So they create a bond because Yashiro is naive and thought that "magic item" would make her wish come true. (naive and stubborn because Hanako said she wasn't supposed to swallow)

So she was stuck with Hanako against her will. Repeating, against her will. Or do you think she likes turning into a fish, or having to clean bathrooms every day?

She always asks Hanako for help because after she made that connection with him, she could see supernatural things and how these things put not only her but also her friends in danger. Yashiro doesn't know anything about the supernatural world so who would help her? Hanako, of course.

Then we see her saying that Hanako harasses her, and that's true. He takes on he has touched her several times without her consent. He always hugs her, squeezing her whenever he gets the chance, and gives her a kiss on the cheek too.

He flirts with her aggressively all the time XD but she has no interest in him. He's the one who insists!

Then we have this remarkable passage, the day of confession. Yashiro starts to suspect that Hanako likes her, she talks to Aoi about it and makes it clear again that he's not her type but she would be excited if he was her first boyfriend, not because she likes him, but because she wants a boyfriend! XD

This has been shouting since the beginning of the story, Hanako himself says that she would be with any guy, why would Amane be any different?

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

So she believes that he likes her, and when she finds out that the confession was false, she cries, but she doesn't cry because she likes him.

When I saw this scene for the first time (in the anime) I thought "Wow, poor thing, she was already rejected by the cute boys she liked, and now she's even rejected by the boy who isn't her type"

And that's exactly what happened. She talks about this in her monologue before breaking down into tears. Then she shocks Hanako, who has a crush on Nene, he understands that she wanted it to be real because she likes him.

So when he hugs her she is surprised too. And it is from here that she becomes interested for the first time in knowing about his past.

When she finds out a little about him, she fears and retreats, but Kou helps her not to give up on Hanako.

So her confession, she says she likes him and he interprets it in a romantic way, EVEN she saying right after that he was like a friend. Hanako is very emotional, so he fell in love with Yashiro first .

So when did Yashiro start liking Hanako?

I believe that after the confession tree she started to look at Hanako differently, she became interested in his past and even found him attractive when he took off his hat for the first time. Little by little Yashiro began to admire him at specific moments, but very slowly.

She constantly denies that she likes Hanako because she already got dumped by him in the confession tree and continues to show interest in cute boys because Hanako REJECTED HER XD

So she can hardly believe that the things he does are because he likes her, so she apparently takes it all in stride. She's had it in her head for so long that even when they actually went to kiss, she believed for a moment that she had been tricked again because Amane didn't want to tell her how he felt about her.

Yashiro didn't fall in love sooner because she was afraid of being rejected again. Because Hanako doesn't tell her how he feels. Even though he flirts with her or they act like a couple, she has a hard time believing it because he was already doing this before the confession tree.

Yashiro denies that she likes him until the day of their separation, when she actually realizes how painful it was for her to have Hanako away from her. So she does everything to go after him and bring him back. (Let's consider that she was also angry with him because for the second time he decided to save Yashiro his way without consulting her, in addition to other factors that I don't think need to add here because you should already know)

She stopped denying that she likes him. (although in previous moments she gave Hanako the opportunity to kiss her, but he didn't kiss her in any of those moments because he was holding back)

"Holding back" this is what Hanako does very often. He flirts with her a lot, but when things get more serious he runs away. He doesn't kiss her when he has the opportunity (even though he wants to) because he didn't want it to get so serious.

You know, that same conversation as always, he's dead, he's an evil ghost, he's a murderer, he can't grow up, he can't live alongside Yashiro, a cloudy past that he doesn't want to tell, etc, etc.

So they would have been together a long time if it weren't for him being so slippery. He provokes, but does not assume. So Yashiro has doubts

And let's face it, she likes to make Hanako jealous, she likes to brag to him when a boy talks to her, or she likes to make it clear to him that she's going out or doing something with another boy, or admiring Teru in front of him because Hanako can't hide his jealousy.

Yashiro doesn't care about Teru after Hanako disappears. She talks about it. She was so sad about being without her best friend and without Hanako that the entire time she was by Teru's side she didn't care.

But what did she think at the time?

and Hanako would say:

She wants to make him jealous.

So there is this duality between them. Yashiro is in love with him now, but she still doesn't feel the same love that Hanako feels for her because he fell in love first (and because he's pretty needy)

Then Tsukasa appeared and threw everything into the air XD

Yashiro is waiting for a confession from Hanako, so when they actually become a couple, I imagine Yashiro won't be fawning over other boys anymore. (Maybe)

She still likes the idea of having several boys being romantically interested in her, after all she has always been rejected by all of them. It's like she feels like she's worth something to the boys now.

She talks all the time about how she wanted slimmer legs, how she wanted to have bigger breasts, all so that boys would be attracted to her. And the boy who likes her the way she is simply doesn't say he likes her XD

He only said once

But most of the time he talks about her legs or makes fun of her when he can. Yashiro dreams of a prince because he will say nice things to her, that's not what Hanako does.

It's like one is punishing the other all the time "if you don't say you like me I'll be interested in other boys" while Hanako is like "I'll flirt with you a lot but I won't assume that I'm in love and I don't want anything Seriously, I'm going to make fun of you like the other boys because I'm ashamed to admit how I feel"

Did you understand? XD

That's the dynamic of their relationship, Yashiro is still developing and so is Hanako. She said she's going to confess to him, and I'm interested to know what his response will be.

And finally (because I thought this post would be shorter) I hope Yashiro stops fawning over Teru, as he is Hanako's main enemy who has already tried to exorcise him several times (and for thousands of other reasons that I won't mention here ) it would be more prudent for her to stay away from him. I hope she stops being so easily enchanted by other boys when (if) they officially become a couple.

I hope you liked it :3

[bugboysgf]

Hate + Love

Chapter 2

series masterlist

Previous chapter

Summary: There is a thin line between love and hate but what if it's way thinner than you thought?

“Hi, im suppose to be tutoring somebody.” you told the lady at the front desk. The last 2 weeks had been stressful but out of extreme luck you managed to get all A’s but that also meant you had to tutor the people that were not doing so well in school.

“Oh yes, you must be Y/n.”

“I am.” you confirmed.

“Min Ho.” The lady calls his name and he jumps out of his seat.

“You gotta be kidding me.” you look at Min ho and he seems just as surprised as you are. “There has to be some sort of mistake, I can't tutor him.” the lady looks at her computer for a second and looks back at you.

“Sorry but there is a specific note from the teacher saying you can't switch.”

“What? Who wrote that.” you asked.

“It was your math teacher. Take a seat and get started.”

“I can't believe this.” you said sitting down.

“Do you think I want to do this? I have no choice.” Min ho rolled his eyes.

“Whatever can we just get started.”

After two hours tutoring you were done but to you i feel like 5 hours because every 10 minutes you and Min ho were arguing about something different.

“Thank you.” Min Ho says. You look at him in shock, you were never expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

“You have manners, I see. Can I get an apology too?” you asked hopefully.

“It happened almost 3 weeks ago, get over it.”

“God you're such a bitch.”

“Takes one to know one.”

—-

“We have Alex next.” Kitty said. “Oh my god we still have to walk up the stairs.” you said, you were tired already and it was only your 2 period.

“Do you want to go to a ramen place after the 5th period?” Kitty asked.

“Im Pretty sure I don't have to tutor today, so yes.”

“How is it? By the way, you are still not getting along.”

“Nope now i have to sit with him in alex class, because he wont let me change seats.” you rolled your eyes.

“Dude you have 4 months left until winter break, at least try to stop hating each other.”

“He's the problem, not me, he won't apologize. He said thank you yesterday when i tutored him but that's it.” you explained to Kitty. You honestly don't think that you and Minho would get along every chance he gets to make fun of you. He's gonna take it and you're tired of it.

“The problem is that you are both stubborn.” Kitty grabs the handle of the door and lets you into the class, she gives you a ‘be nice look’ and takes a seat.

You walked over to your seat and to your surprise Min Ho was already sitting down, he was always late. You take a seat and don't say a word to him.

“No greeting?” he asked

“What do you want?” you say in a cold tone.

“Woah, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.” he smirks.

“I just don't have time for your bullshit today.”

Lucky Alex didn't have you guys do anything with your partner work today you didnt think you could handle it anyways.

You grabbed your things and stuffed them into your backpack.

“y/n?” you stopped in your tracks and looked at the guy that called your name. Minho also stopped and looks at him.

“Yes?” you look at him confused. You've never seen this guy in your life and you had no idea why he was talking to you.

“I'm Derek, I was just trying to see if i can get your number.” you look around to see if anybody was watching and behind him were his friends waiting to see your next move. You didn't want to seem stuck up or anything, so you just smiled and typed your number into his phone.

“Great, I'll text you.”

“Cool” you watch him walk away and turn to Min ho. “And why did you stay?”

“What does he want with you?” “What do you mean?”you asked, confused.

“His dad is literally a millionaire.”

“I honestly dont give two fuck about that.” you said.

“It had to be a dare.” Min ho shook his head.

“Oh really? Just because an attractive guy asked for my number that means it has to be a dare?” you said offended. Min ho knew he messed up, he always jokes around but he knew that what he said really affected you.

“That's not-”

“Save it.” you walked away.

—

For the next few weeks you continue talking to Derek, you thought he would be a jerk but turns out he wasn't. He was really nice and listened.

“Where are you going?” Min ho asked Q. “Oh the nature club is having a hike today.” Q said, putting on his shoes.

“Great i'll come” Min ho got up from the couch. “You can't.” Q said.

“Why?” “Club members only.” “Dude i went last time.” Q stayed silent and didn't say anything. “Unless you don't want me to go for some reason?” “It's not that I don't want you to go, it's just that y/n and Derek are going to be there and I don't want you messing it up for her. She told me what you said when he asked for her number.” Q confessed.

“That's not what I meant, I tried to tell her that.”

“You should have said it in the first place, are you jealous or something?” Q asked.

“What no… no”

“Yup that sounds so convincing.”

“I don't like her, I hate her.”

“You know, you can hate and love somebody at the same time.” Q said shutting the door.

Min ho stood there thinking there's no way that he loves y/n? He hates her too much.

[cloudninetonine]

A Player's Aid: Chapter 14

Fandom: Legend of Zelda, Linked Universe

A/N: WHAT'S UP FUCKERS- shorter chapter but it's fucking here

Warnings: Bad language, descriptions of panic attack, descriptions of nightmares, descriptions of drowning/choking/suffocating, descriptions of hallucinations, mentions of possible PTSD

In the warmth of the afternoon sun, the people rejoiced.

Some kneeled to kiss the grassy earth beneath their shoes, others hugged and sung thanks to the goddess to see the light of day once more and others merely eased their tense bodies to the welcoming breeze, eyes closed in bliss. Freedom. Finally, they had reached freedom after those terrifying, grueling days stuck in the confines of that age old library.

The Hero of the Four Swords looked towards the castle in worry.

“Any sign of them?” The sailor asked nervously, eyes also trained on the grand palace. “Cook hasn’t picked up on the slate, no matter how much I’ve tried to contact him with the stone.”

The worry brewing in the smithy’s gut only seemed to burn at those words. “Not at all?”

“No.”

The eldest seemed the most panicked of it all. The Old Man held that mask of stoicism well but masks were not made in likeness, their duplicity was still noticeable under a scrutinising eyes and the blonde could see the worry in his gaze. The way he seemed to pace on the spot, how his hands twitched against the hilt of his sword and his eyes stayed fixated on those towers of stone a little too long. Time fought it, of course, and if the ‘accusation’ came that he was fearful in this moment it would be met with a burning glare and swift denial.

“I do not fear when I know you are all capable of holding your ground, especially against that monster.”

But not all of them were his descendant, were they?

Ever since that dreadful day, the Ranch-hand laid in a bed not of his own making, the darkness of the Shadow’s blow seeping into his bloodstream and slowly draining the soul from his weakening body as he edged closer and closer to death. Only a few terrible hours, but enough to air out the grievances with them amidst the worry and frustration. The Four Sword Hero and the Hero of Wild had fought but that had come to pass- however the light shone on the topic of ancestor and descendant could not just be pushed aside.

The Hero of Time had become…stricter with the farm boy. Obvious to them all, the man had taken his role more seriously then. All could see it, the nervous light dancing in his eye when he sent the brunette on an errand or watched him battle a monster with the strength of a Hylian Ox. The very thoughts of fighting the very thing that had nearly sent him to the gates where the Golden Three held eternal paradise was probably eating the Old man alive, concern gnawing at his gut like a dog chewed at its bone.

The Hero of Time knew that the others were capable- but did he think the same of his successor? 

The Four Sword Hero could also see that the question mingled in the mind of the Ranch-hand too, albeit the Old Man did try his damndest to not show it in front of him, especially knowing that stubbornness that seemed to last generations in his family.

The Skyloftian Knight had told him, even when he stood, bleeding out and wobbling, he would not yield his position as hero on that day the Shadow struck.

What an idiot his brother was, sometimes.

“How much longer could they be?” Gilda muttered to herself, the fairy having joined them when she had seen them return from their side quest. “Maybe I should go have a look-”

A huff silenced her.

“Maybe our resident witch has bewitched them,” The veteran’s words came offhanded but he could hear the loathing and wariness in his tone- he did not wholeheartedly believe his accusation but the Vet knew how to weigh down his words. “And given them over to the Shadow just like they probably planned-”

“Veteran now really isn’t the time for such words.” The Skyloftian Knight’s resort sliced through the air and had almost made the Four Sword Hero jump. When had he appeared behind him? “Can you not for the moment?”

“I am just saying-”

“Hey, there they are!”

Necks snapped, Four’s included, in the direction of where the sailor had begun to sprint. Nowhere near the castle gates but instead in the West, five forms appearing in the distance- four walking and the last hanging off the back of one of them.

The heroes plus fairy rushed over without a second thought.

“Are they dead!?” 

Wind had exclaimed those words in a moment of panic, eyes wide in a morbid curiosity as they glanced over your paled face in the light of the afternoon sun- you seemed still too. Not moving an inch.

“No!” Wild cried in similar horror, “They fainted! That’s all!”

Gilda didn’t need her brother’s prompt to rush over, her gentle green glow whizzing around your hair in an effort to heal whatever ailed you in that moment.

“We had to take a shrine, there was no other way-” Twilight’s words had come out slightly slurred, his own face looking pale along with the Captain’s and the Traveller’s- Four couldn’t blame them. The Sheikah’s magic from the Champion’s era was a strange one. No one quite liked their teleportation magic, too disorientating for them all excluding the wild blonde from his excessive use of their devices. “Uh, my head-”

Gilda went over each one of them carefully as the small group were led back to the rest, the people of the settlement offering their own help in the form of potions and such of any kind as they rushed about to make an impromptu camp. After all, the skulltula had torn apart most of their settlement already and left them with almost naught to defend themselves with. You were laid to rest on a bedroll, tucked in under a blanket with the careful touches of the Traveller and Champion before all were gathered to talk.

“I’m glad to know you are all okay,” 

Time’s voice sounded heavy with both relief and concern during the rush, looking over the group after they were tended to by a maiden scholar with knowledge of medicine- she had practically demanded to help in return for saving her life. “And I’m glad to see you were able to rescue our guest- but what of the Shadow?”

The four shared a look. “It…retreated.” 

“Wait. Seriously?”

“Yes, as soon as it reached the light, it seemed.”

“But the light has never stopped it before.” The Hero of the Four Sword brought a finger to his chin in thought, a slight flash of purple dancing in his eyes. “Even when taking the form of a beast, it still stalked the lands when the sun was highest- why stop this time? What could have possibly been the reason?”

The group shared an inquisitive silence.

“Well, the sun has never stopped it but it has seemed to grow weaker under its gleam.” The group glanced over to Sky as he sat himself up on his rocky seat, “Think about it, those many moon cycles ago- The Captain didn’t have much action when he and the Shadow had exchanged blows but when Ranch-hand- I…uh…”

Twilight rolled his eyes, “Just spit it out, knight.”

“Right, uh, anywho- when the Ranch-hand had fought with the monster it seemed to have more power in the oncoming dusk.”

The veteran straightened. “Dusk does bring more shadows than pure light. It would make sense.”

“But what of our time in the forest?” Hyrule asked, “It was darker, more shadows in the shade of the trees- it didn’t seem that strong then either. Angry, but not too powerful.”

Twilight playfully nudged Warrior’s shoulder. “You can thank our Captain for that.”

“Oh hush.”

Sky spoke up once more, “I think Fi’s light may have been the reason, we all see how it reacts to her power. It’s afraid. After all, she was made to seal the darkness and the Shadow is that- darkness.”

They let those words sink in, sharing looks with wild thoughts prancing about in their heads.

“...It didn’t feel that powerful.” The Hero of Hyrule glanced over to your form, situated comfortably in your bedroll and looking much more healthy compared to your earlier sickly expression. “Angry. It was certainly angry and almost suffocatingly so, but the power behind its shifting form didn’t really feel all that…there. I think that’s why it didn’t chase us further and I think that’s why we were able to escape. It’s weak. Too weak.”

“Still strong enough to open a portal?” The eldest didn’t seem all that convinced.

“In the darkness, yes, that’s where it takes its power from.” Confidence bloomed in his gut as the brunette stood a little taller, “The day that (Name) appeared it was late into the night, when it had taken them during our fight the darkness once again overwhelmed the light- these have been the only times that portals have appeared for ages. Don’t you see? It cannot function properly in the sun.”

A sudden wave rolled over the Hero of Time. Dark and guilty, his eyes of ocean blue swirling with conflict as he gaze ran over to your unconscious form. He hadn’t discussed what he had done those few days ago, a secret between both you and his descendant that he wasn’t quite ready to disclose to the group- now was the time however, no matter the look he knew the traveller and (now) the cook would burn into him.

“I have a confession.” Eyes tethered to his form in an instant- no backing down now. “Those days ago, back with the camp at Fort Hateno- I had a plan.”

The Twilight Hero sat straighter- The Old Man continued. “It was intentional, leaving our guest to fend for themself because I had a suspicion that the Shadow was watching us.”

The Hero of Hyrule’s breath stuttered in growing horror and anger. “...what?”

The Wild Hero practically leapt to his feet. “WHAT!?”

The roar grabbed the attention of the nearby settlers, Twilight moving to stand and grab his shoulders. “Champion, please-”

“They told you they could not fight!” The traveller cried, interrupting. “They told us all! They told you and you saw what happened! You did that! That was your fault!”

A few flinched at such a raw blame but the Old Man kept his shoulders squared, face stoic. “And I take full condemnation for such an idiotic plan- but it proved it. The Shadow is watching us.”

The cook ground his teeth, “You didn’t need to see something we all already believed.”

Time would have laughed at the irony of those words- he really did replicate the Ranch-hand in so many ways. To sound like him in this moment would have usually made his heart warm if not for the seething anger behind his tone.

“Seeing is better than believing, we all know that,” He sighed, “But that’s not what I wanted to say- that monster was further proof that the Shadow’s power wavers in the light of the day.”

The smallest hero raised a brow. “How so?”

“It’s positioning- the monster led our guest right towards us, why would it do such a thing? It knew it would take a few of us only moments to cross that river, the Traveller proves that, so why closer? Unless-”

“Unless it wasn’t where it was supposed to be.” The Captain looked up at the realisation, “The Shadow messed up.”

“What does that even mean!?” The champion snapped, throwing his hands up. “The Shadow always messes up- if it were successful in any way it would have killed us all already!”

“It was successful with taking (Name) wasn’t it?” The eldest turned to him. “Both times, both in darkness but when it summoned the Chuchu it messed up. Why did it mess up that time? The only possible explanation is the light.”

The cloud of realisation rained heavy on them all. 

The sailor crossed his arms, “But the Shadow was summoning all those monsters! I understand if it was weak in the light but the traveller is saying that it’s weak full stop. This wasn’t just a small camp of monsters, this was an entire herd. Surely in its weak state it shouldn’t be able to summon that many, right? And if it can, shouldn’t it be able to step into the light? It must have enough power for that if it can make a small army.”

Taking a deep breath to control the rage burning in his chest, the Hero of Hyrule spoke once more. “We might not have all the clues here, not yet. But I still think it’s weak, even in that display of horror and intimidation, the power that it gave off felt smaller than it had been for a while.”

“Let’s not forget that it has been months since we last saw this monster.” The Ranch-hand had finally managed to calm his protégé, the blonde more grumpy than enraged. “So that must mean something.”

Silence finally hung.

Their talk was informative, ideas flowing around them all. The Shadow had been pushed to the back of their mind during this long time of rest with nothing to show from its end. They had travelled all over the Champion’s era searching for monsters, for stories, for rumours and for portals but not a whisper in the wind. This sudden return had certainly shook them all but they knew it had been coming, maybe not that day they had found you at the base of that tree, winded and bruised but it was inevitable that the Shadow would one day return.

It would never give up that easily.

A shaky whimper caught their ears and heads turned to your direction, face pinching and lips shaking as you made more noise of distress.

Hyrule didn’t hesitate to move towards you, as did Wild, brushing past the Ordonian Hero to make his way over.

“Are we gonna go check out the castle again?” Wind asked after a moment.

Time shook his head, “No, however we shall in the morning.”

“Okay,” Wind pushed away from the tree he had been leaning against, jogging over to your position too.

After a few following moments of silence, the remaining heroes decided to part also. Twilight stayed by the side of his ancestor however, watching them all go with a heavy heart before turning to look at the eldest as he rested his head in hands.

Time sighed. “I don’t know how I’ll be able to make this up to them.”

Twilight’s hand rested on the older man’s shoulder- it was almost odd to be his comforter when it was usually the other way around. “Just give them time, ancestor.”

And that was that.

----------

Drowning.

Choking.

Blind.

Your hands clawed desperately at the ooze, fighting its weight as it dragged you further and further into the expanse of nothing. Kicking your feet had proved useless, you made no distance in your efforts, only continuing to sink deeper and deeper with no knowledge of where you would end up.

Drowning.

Choking.

Blind.

Where were you? How did you get here? You had opened your eyes and suddenly you were bombarded by the overwhelming feeling of the black sludge surrounding your body. Trapped, no way to fight it. With the consistency of molasses yet versatile like water, you only continued to sink with no hope of resurfacing.

You could not scream.

You could not cry.

You could only wait.

Drowning.

Choking.

Blind.

Then you felt it- the hand wrap around your calf. Sharp nails digging into the skin of your leg as it captured you within its grasp. You could not flail in panic. You could not fight its grip. 

Drowning.

Choking.

Blind.

You reached your hand out, begging for someone to save you from this horrid fate. You didn’t wish to die in such a torturing way. Unaware of it all. 

But it began to drag you down.

And you were going to die here.

In this horrible, drowning, choking, blinding nothing.

Drowning.

Choking.

Blind-

Your hand was grasped and you spotted it- the light. Seeping through the darkness in smaller beams that grew bigger and bigger as it began to haul you up, up, up- the hand on your calf tried fighting but with this newfound hope in your system you did not yield. Tightening your own hand, you pulled your weight up to greet the surface of the never-ending sludge.

Surviving.

Breathing.

Seeing.

You broke the surface with a heavy gasp, spluttering and coughing. Light surrounded you opposed to the darkness that you had been submerged in and you raised your eyes to look at your savour.

Eyes pooled with kindness looked back.

“(Name)-”

You sat up with a choking gasp, clutching at the blanket encasing your chest.

Eyes wild, you searched the area desperately for traces of that suffocating nightmare only to see that you were laying in a forest, as lush and as green as many were in a scene that slowly brought you back into reality. The trees wavered in the wind, the grass stood tall and you were not drowning in darkness.

Bodies were strewn about the small camp, a fire centring them all. Wild and Hyrule laid only inches away from your sleeping mat in their own, their soft snores light on your ears as you watched them with your pacing heart slowing to a resting thump. Looking around, you could spot a few more of the boys sleeping away with the settlement in the far distance, their torches beacons in the dark.

The dark…

You gulped, glancing around. Surrounded by it, eating away at the borders of your camp, it almost seemed to be watching you, studying you. The light of the fire was the only thing that fought it back, your savour in these desperate times- desperate? Why would it be desperate? Nothing was there.

Unless that nothing was something.

Unless that something was the Shadow.

Cloaked in pitch black, red eyes staring at you from beyond his veil of gloom. Was this what he was waiting for? The night to snatch you up again? Your cockiness would surely lead you to a tortuous death with not an ounce of glory to your name. You had provoked him and now you were destined to die a cruel end.

Something shifted beyond a shady bush.

Your heart kick started with a twisting leap.

You didn’t want to die like this. Not after everything had happened. You had been saved- you were safe! He couldn’t hurt you now! This wasn’t fair! 

You pushed yourself to your knees, hellbent on running.

No, this wasn’t it. Not after escaping your fate. 

The world muffled as blood pumped loudly in your ears, your shaky, uneven pants returning tenfold as wild eyes stayed focused on the shaking bush. You were not in between trees, you were back in that hallway. Winding and dark, as you watched the shadows slowly seep round the corner with its demonic host just only a few paces behind.

You could not fight but by God you could run.

Eyes peered through the darkness.

You inhaled in suspense.

A fluffy dog pushed its way through the bush.

And suddenly, you were back on the outside.

Collapsing back into your bedroll, you shook. Your pillow muffling your terrified sobs as you heaved and wailed into the comfort of the plush cushion.

It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real. The castle laid quiet in the background within the darkness, the trees acting as a fence between you and your near murder scene. Your mind may have still pushed that horrible notion but you needed to fight it with logic, with a clear mind. Even as tears cascaded down your hot cheeks you needed to see that you were indeed fine, you were indeed safe.

You did not need to add PTSD to the long list of things already wrong with you.

Something gently made contact with your head, the familiar feeling of a wet snout softly burrowing into your hair with frantic sniffs as the canine studied your shaking figure. Nipping at your skin with careful precision as to not actually hurt you, the animal whined and collapsed into a big fluffy heap right next to your shaking body- a boundary between you and the darkness.

After a few moments, you glanced at it.

“...Wolfie?” Wolfie, or Twilight as you knew under the disguise of Twili magic, tilted his head curiously at you. “...what are you doing here?”

The wolf quietly barked- a squeak with maws snapping.

“Right…you can’t talk…” Sniffling, you hiccuped on a breath and reached your hand out carefully, fingers making contact with the poofy fur decorating his chest. “....you’re soft.”

Another quiet bark, you giggled this time at the noise.

“I’m sorry…were you patrolling?” He hummed a whine that you could only believe was a ‘yes’, your head coming to rest upon his paws in an act of seeking comfort- you hoped you weren’t making Twilight uncomfortable. “Sorry for getting in the way.”

Wolfie rested his head atop yours carefully.

“I just-...” You teared up once again, shaking. “It’s so dark and I just couldn’t-”

A deep sound came from within his chest, not a growl or grunt, but a long soft hum that had you fall quiet with only sniffles leaving you. You were tired, you were scared and you wished you were back home with your Mama. 

Mama.

You wanted your mama.

She would have held you, even through her grump after you woke her.

“I want my mama,” You sniffed, “I want go home- I hate this fucking place.”

Tightening into a ball, you cuddled closer to the canine. The hero did nothing to fight it, in fact, he pushed his body closer to your own as he curled around your frame protectively. Like a blanket of safety, he kept you covered and made an effort to shield you from the horrors of the outside world. You were not alone in this nightmare, you did not have to isolate yourself and suffer.

You cried yourself to sleep.

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive