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wonwoonlight · 1 year

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dear autumn / jeon wonwoo

➝ Wonwoo x Reader (ft. Joshua, Seungcheol, Mingyu, etc.)

➝ nonidol!au // angst???? // romance // fluff?????? // drama...ish??? // soulmate!au // somewhat past life!au

➝ word count: 18k (lol🧍🏻‍♀️) // playlist🎶

➝warnings: curses, lots of pov changes i'm sorry lol, i'm honestly not sure if the pace is a abrupt or not?, i'm not sure how you'll like this OC, she cries quite a lot towards the end sddfgd, that's about it i think

➝A/N: happy birthday, wonwoo❤ shoutout to @ahundredtimesover who's not even a carat but readily brainstormed with me when i asked🥺😭 also special thanks to @sleeplessdawn @twogyuu @savventeen for sparing your time to talk with me when i was unsure where to go with the plot💕💕 i'm gonna talk more on the author notes at the end instead of here. enjoy! hope you'll like this and don't hesitate to drop by and tell me what you think abt it even if you... don't like it sdjhfbsjhdf

In a world where everyone bears the soulmate mark to find the one heaven perfectly made for them, Wonwoo is an outlier with no marks in sight. But he has more pressing matters to attend to because he remembers his past life and the promise he made to his soulmate that he’d find her again no matter what. Alternatively, He didn’t think he’d be reborn in a world where you are made for someone else.

Wonwoo isn’t sure when it began. But he’s eighteen when he knows why they appeared and realizes that the memories in his head do not belong to his current lifetime.

They come to him through his dreams; sometimes long, sometimes short. At first, he thinks his mind is just playing games with him, but when he wakes up with an almost perfect recollection of whatever his older self in the dream did, he eventually realizes they aren’t simply dreams.

They’re his memories from another lifetime. Which one, he’s not sure. Wonwoo imagines they’re pieces of a puzzle–a very big one–making a bigger picture he doesn’t really understand at first until he does. Until it clicks one day why the dream has been getting longer and why he’s getting them in the first place.

He’s not himself when the dream happens, more like a shadow that watches from the sideline. He’s been seeing this older self of his for quite some time; he can’t be much older than he is now, probably in his mid twenties or so.

It was weird at the beginning, knowing how he’d look (looked?) in the future (...in the past? Fuck, this is confusing), but it was even weirder to watch himself with a girl that he seemed to be so very much in love with. Not that he can’t blame his other self. They’re soulmates, after all, if the identical marks on their wrists mean anything.

The word doesn’t even sound bitter in his lips anymore, and he wonders if it ever was.

Sure, he used to question why he’s an outlier and why he deserved to have no one when everyone else around him has someone predestined for them–someone that the universe deems just right and someone that will complement them in ways unimaginable.

He’s never angry though. Just a little lonely.

It’s not easy to be surrounded by people who are happy with their fate, who have someone that they know is their person for as long as eternity allows them to live. People are subtle with their pity when it comes to him and Wonwoo would like to think it probably has to do with the fact that Wonwoo doesn’t seem bothered at all.

Outliers aren’t that rare; perhaps one every one hundred people or so, and they’re not ostracized from society, just that they need to handle the pitiful looks every now and then–which never stops being annoying.

Wonwoo knows there’s a community for people like him though he has never been one to seek companies. He’s fine the way he is. He’d attend their gatherings when it’s one of the rare days he feels like being social, but he doesn’t attend enough to feel any kind of kinship towards them. They’re just some people who he somewhat sympathizes with.

Naturally, it means the community becomes a place where people try to find their romantic partner. After all, it is frowned upon if you try to date someone with a soulmate even if they haven’t met their other half.

…Which makes it awkward when they break up because even if the community isn’t very small, they’re still a minority and they need to stick together.

Hence, Wonwoo never really bothers.

It’s not like he’s into the concept of romance. When he was a kid, it simply didn’t appeal to him. During high school, games were more worthy of his time than anything. And during university… How could he when he’s been dreaming of the same girl over and over again? Any other romance potential simply didn’t register in his mind. His parents, who obviously had no idea about the dreams, tried to talk to him about it; to try dating and find love but quickly changed their insistence once they realized their son wasn’t too bothered himself.

He doesn’t even know if she’s alive in this lifetime, and yet…

“You’re really moving, huh?” Seungcheol brings him out of his mind, reminds him that he’s packing and he needs to get things done.

“They knew I’d be the one most willing to move away.” He shrugs. “Everyone else has their significant other here. Pretty sure they asked Namjoon first but with his pregnant wife and all–yeah.”

“I’m sure you’re still a choice because you’re competent.” The older guy reassures him. “What do you need me to do to help?”

“Help me throw away those bags in the living room, please.”

“Got it.”

Five minutes later, Seungcheol pops back into his bedroom.

“Are you throwing this away too?”

Wonwoo looks at the postcard in his hands, a look of recognition passes through his face before he takes it from him before he says he’s keeping it. The older guy throws him a curious look, but Wonwoo doesn’t offer any explanation so he leaves him be and returns to the living room.

“Autumn, huh.” He mutters to himself as he stares at the rows of yellow trees and ginkgo leaves adorning the ground on the postcard.

Autumn in the city is beautiful, Wonwoo has heard. He doesn’t know how it would be more beautiful there than here with the buildings and the busy lifestyle, but perhaps he’ll take the time to find out now that he’s moving there.

Maybe he’ll find out once he’s seen it himself.

And maybe…

Maybe he’ll also–

“Should we have some jjajangmyeon for lunch? I’m starving, man. Think I’d be able to eat two servings and an entire plate of dumplings. What about ordering some shrimp also? I think–”

Yeah.

Maybe.

Four months pass by in a blink and July comes around.

The city life is better than Wonwoo expected, but it’s not like he has any particular expectations to begin with. He’s a twenty six years old doing a regular job, living a regular life. He doesn’t have any grand plans in life, doesn’t strive to climb the corporate ladder nor make any difference in the world.

By theory, he should be some kind of a main character: an outlier with no soulmate mark and memories of a past life? Wonwoo would’ve written a book had he possessed any sort of literature gifts. But he can even barely express himself, let alone pour them into writings, so there goes his spotlight.

Plus, it’s not like he has ever told anyone about the memories. He tries looking things up online, and except for some ridiculous claims that were eventually proved to be false, he barely finds anything about it that would help. And if he could find nothing in the wonderful, vast world that is the internet, he doubts he would find answers in the real world.

So he’s just another guy. Another Jeon Wonwoo in the sea of people that would pass by people’s lives and lots would forget about.

And he doesn’t mind.

He really doesn’t.

But if there’s anything he could wish for…

He looks down at the small birthday cake his brother has ordered from the delivery app for him on behalf of his parents, the package greeting him in front of his door when he has just gotten back from work. He doesn’t really celebrate his birthdays, and usually only does so if the people around him encourage him to, namely Seungcheol and his family.

Though, now that he’s actually by himself in a city he’s still trying to get familiar with, it does feel a little lonely to be celebrating it alone, if you can even call it that. At least there’s a cake from his family and he might as well keep up with the tradition.

He lights up the ‘27’ candle and stares at it for a few seconds before he closes his eyes and makes a wish. A familiar smile he’s only seen in his dreams flashes through his mind, the warmth of the small fire blankets his face for a few seconds before it goes out.

I hope I can find you… whoever you are.

He dreams of another memory that night.

But, for the first time, he’s not watching from the sideline. The love of his life is pressed to his side as she urges him to blow the candle and make a wish. She takes his face while hers scrunch up into a smile, wishing him ‘happy birthday’ that he doesn’t think is the first that day before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

He catches a glimpse of the single ginkgo leaf on her right wrist, the same exact thing on his left.

Wonwoo wakes up with a jolt before he could taste her lips against his, a thunderstorm outside his window and another inside his heart.

Despite being born in the season, Wonwoo isn’t fond of summer.

It’s too hot and there’s almost nothing he can do about it. He would’ve stayed inside 24/7 if he could, but that’s out of the question because he needs to go to the office and the amount of people in the public transportation is not something he looks forward to.

He doesn’t like winter for basically the same reason: it’s too fucking cold.

Spring and autumn are nice. But Wonwoo has a pollen allergy so he can’t enjoy the blooming season even if he wants to.

So if someone asks what his favorite season is, he always says autumn.

Wonwoo isn’t sentimental enough to actually have opinions about seasons. Like he said, he doesn’t like summer and winter because they’re extremely hot and cold respectively. He doesn’t mind spring but he has pollen allergies. And so he’s left with autumn.

It’s all just practical.

But, if there’s one season that actually means something… it’d also be autumn. And it doesn’t even have much to do with the actual season. It’s the memories it carries.

Yeah, that’s what he’ll call it.

Memories.

Because no matter what–

“Get going, will you?” Someone grumbles and goes past him.

Right, another reason why he hates summer. People get (rightfully) annoyed all the time and everyone wants to hang out near the Han river, him being one of them.

What can he do? He was already outside due to prior meetings, it’s hot, and being near the body of water sounds like a good idea if there’s any. He just happens to be in the area and he supposes why not. It’s been quite some time since he’s spent some time outside by himself, anyway.

At least he’s by himself so it’ll be much easier to find a seat. –Or so he assumes as he sighs, still trying to look for an empty spot to sit down ten minutes later. He doesn’t find any, if only because the only one-person spots available are surrounded by couples making googly eyes at each other.

Eventually, he finds one a little further away and settles there with his plastic bag filled with a canned highball and a bag of chips. It’s only somewhere after two in the afternoon, a weird time to be drinking alcohol, but he sighs blissfully at the first sip and stares mindlessly at the people around him.

He likes people watching, though he doesn’t make any grand scenarios about them in his head; simply thinks about how he’s only one of many in the sea of people. That he can be special but he chooses not to be. On the contrary, he likes to pretend that he’s normal; that he has a mark somewhere hidden on his body and he just simply hasn’t met his soulmate. That his dreams are simply dreams.

Or maybe they are nothing but dreams.

Maybe he’s simply thinking too much about them.

Maybe he’s just projecting the ideal life he’d have had he not been an outlier.

He blinks.

Why… had he not considered that before?

Sure, he feels too strongly about them (and Wonwoo isn’t even an emotional person) and is way too conscious because they feel real, but what if his head really is just messing with him? What if they really are just illusions and–

“Hey, sorry, do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full and you’re the only one by yourself so…”

Wonwoo looks up at the weirdly familiar voice, freezing when he recognizes the person in front of him at once, the word coming out of his mouth before he even can stop himself.

“Autumn?”

Surprise colors your face at the name, your head empty because you honestly have no idea what to think. You don’t even have it in you to be suspecting, just very fascinated and somewhat nostalgic in the matter of seconds.

It’s been some time since someone calls you ‘Autumn’; the nickname that your late grandfather would always call you by because he said it’s his favorite season and you’re his sweetest grandchild. A few of your relatives adopted the name even though they outgrew it almost immediately after your grandfather passed. You’ve never told anyone outside the family about the nickname, not even your closest friends, as you’d like to keep it dear to your heart.

And it still stings to think about it after his passing ten years ago.

Several seconds–minutes?–pass like that, with you and this stranger looking at each other, mouth a little ajar, unsure what to say. But he breaks the silence first, shakes his head before he apologizes.

“Uh, sorry. You just–umm, uh, look like someone I know. You can sit down, sure.”

You nod and whisper a ‘thanks’, holding back the urge to ask him about his friend who apparently looks like you and shares your old nickname. But the silence that looms over you both is a little suffocating, and your usual extroverted self who never hesitates to talk to new people seems to die in front of him as you ponder if it’s okay to start a conversation with this handsome stranger.

Perhaps it’s just the weird interaction earlier, you think to yourself, the memory of your grandfather and your favorite nickname that no one except your family knows filling your chest with warmth. The last time you heard someone referred to you by that name was probably a decade ago, and to be referred to ‘Autumn’ again after so long… you wonder if you should’ve told someone about it if it inflicts this much fondness within you.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be so special if you had.

“So you have a friend who looks like me and is called ‘Autumn’, huh?” You try to maintain a confident smile, pray that you’re simply imagining the slight shake in your voice.

The stranger flinches a little, a gesture that you’re not sure what to make of, but then he nods and offers you an awkward smile. “Yeah, something like that.”

“You know, it used to be some sort of my nickname as a kid.” You’re not sure why you’re telling him this, but you are and it’s almost comical the way his lips open a little in surprise before he mutters a small ‘I see’. You offer your name to him, and thank him once again for letting you share his spot.

“Don’t mind it.” He smiles tightly before returning the gesture, and you can’t help but wonder why the name Jeon Wonwoo rings something in your head even though you’re sure you haven’t met this guy. You’re pretty good when it comes to remembering names and faces. You’ve never had any friends called Wonwoo, though you recall there were probably some people from your year in school and university who share his name.

Never a Jeon though. And he doesn’t look familiar at all, so you’re sure he’s not a friend of a friend that you might’ve seen in passing either, but… why does he feel familiar?

You shake your head before you let go of the thought, and then rummages through your bag to look for your drink. You take everything out of the way only to find your bottle lying sadly at the very bottom of your tote bag, when you look up again, you see Wonwoo glancing at the book you’ve put on the table.

On Soulmates: Love without Commitment

Xu Minghao

You hope the way you put everything back to your bag is subtle, like you’re not trying to hide the book you’ve been reading and the glimpse into your mind that people can easily decipher from your choice of literature alone. His face doesn’t tell you anything though, and it’s his next question that gets your heart beating in irregular beats.

“It’s quite the book, isn’t it?” He takes a sip from his can. “Gave me insights that I didn’t know I needed.”

“Right!” You reply with exaggerated enthusiasm. But can anyone blame you? Anyone who catches you reading that book always gives you the side eye, some people who are frontal even asked why you’re reading something that sounds as stupid as a flat earth. “I haven’t finished, but it’s so interesting to read why the author thinks soulmates aren’t it because it doesn’t give you a choice and everything about the relationship is a given. That perhaps the love that people who don’t have the soulmate marks might be purer because they choose to love and they put effort into it. I’m currently on chapter 7 and–”

You stop when you realize you’re rambling, words of apology on the top of your tongue when you see Wonwoo tilting his head in question. Not in judgement because you’re enthusiastic about it. Not in annoyance because you talk too much when it hasn’t even been twenty minutes since you’ve met him.

“Why are you stopping?” He asks, further making you speechless with the genuine interest in his voice. “Chapter 7 is about fate and destiny, isn’t it?”

You cough a little to hide your flustered face, a little too excited to finally find someone that isn’t against you reading this essay. You’ve been wanting to talk about it with someone–anyone–, all those hours you’ve spent on countless communities online with people who share the same sentiment as you not being enough.

“Yeah. I’m almost done with the chapter, though I haven’t been able to pick it up again these days.”

Wonwoo hums, seemingly deep in thought before he asks you again. “What do you think about it?”

“Fate and destiny?”

“Yeah.”

“I think it’s bullshit.”

He looks at you in surprise; whether it’s because of your choice of words or because of your opinion, you don’t know. But he doesn’t look like he’s going to jump at you for having such an opinion, so you continue even though he didn't ask you to.

“I’d hate to think that someone–something out there has enough power to decide what’s going to happen to us moving forward. That everything we do is predestined and that we have no choice whatsoever in life because it’s fated to be and it’s thanks to the universe that something happens a certain way.” And then you add, your voice comparably smaller as you suddenly realize you’re being too open with this stranger. “It feels… confining…”

He nods as he opens his bag of chips, putting it right in the middle as if telling you it’s okay to take some.

“I agree.” He doesn’t meet your eyes as he says this, looking straight over the Han river like he’ll find an actual answer there. “If it’s true, it’s very cruel for some people to know that their life is fated to be miserable and can do nothing but accept it.”

“Right? And, personally, I don’t know how I feel about the soulmates concept. You know how in the book it says that soulmates might take each other for granted because they’re meant to be together? Or that they simply accept the other person because, apparently, they’re their person? What if the universe messed up and you’re paired with a serial killer or something?”

Wonwoo looks at you alarmed, and you laugh before you say that you’re just speaking in general. He hesitates before he asks, unsure about where you actually are when it comes to soulmates. Are you this opinionated because you don’t have a soulmate? His heart skips a beat at the thought of it; or perhaps you simply hate the idea of it regardless. But before he can actually ask the question, his eyes fall to the side of your neck, and he notices the strings of flowers on the side of your neck, something that you also notice–so you clear your throat to dart his attention away.

“You feel… strongly about it, don’t you?” Wonwoo settles it at that, not wanting to offend you somehow. He doesn’t deny the mixed feeling in his heart as he realizes what it means. You have a soulmate. Even though there’s a chance that you don’t want them, you still have a soulmate and whatever feeling that’s brewing on the pit of his stomach, it’s not a good one.

What was he expecting, anyway? That if somehow he found you in this lifetime–which he did, what the fuck. It’s you who found him, even–you’d happily take him in your arms? The bitter taste on his mouth is getting worse by the seconds, only now realizing that even though he’s been wishing he’d find you, he never has any real plan about what to do if he actually did.

It helps that he doesn’t actually think he would, so he can hold on to it like a dream that would never come true. Something he holds dear in his heart but doesn’t really need to take responsibility for because it’s not going to happen. Something that somewhat keeps him going and some sort of wishful thinking.

You shrug, not offering any explanation.

He doesn’t press.

“I think.” He begins, looking at you this time, and if anyone ever asks, you’re going to deny the way your heartbeat picks up and up and up the more he looks into your eyes, your face getting hot like a high school girl with a crush. “You can always go against your destiny if that’s what you choose to do. If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path? Perhaps it’s just one of many and you can try taking another road to see if you’ll like it more. Even if they exist, it doesn’t mean you have to follow them all the time.”

You lay in bed thinking about his words that night, wondering if it’s as easy as he makes it to be to get away from your path and try a new one.

You dream of Wonwoo, a birthday cake, and a ginkgo leaf mark that you’re sure was not on Wonwoo’s wrist when you saw him earlier that day.

You wake up wishing you’ll meet him again.

Joshua, you’ve always known, is the ideal partner that anyone could ask for. He’s sweet, he takes care of you well, is respectful, and you honestly feel bad for not returning even half of what he feels for you.

You love him, you really do, but you don’t think what you feel for him is strong enough to be considered in the same league with the love that people believe soulmates should have for each other. It’s nowhere near there.

You love him, he’s very important to you, and you’ll drop anything for him if he needs you. But you know something’s wrong when Joshua starts talking about living together, marriage, and family, and dread is the only thing that fills your chest.

You know something’s wrong when you don’t feel the butterfly nor the fireworks that everyone–and you mean everyone–says they experience when they meet their soulmates.

It was nothing like that for you; you knew he’s your soulmate, and if there’s anything right about what people said regarding your first meeting, it’s true that it just clicked that it’s your soulmate in front of you. But your heartbeat picked up for all the wrong reasons that didn’t have anything to do with rush of excitement nor romantic expectation. You were a little anxious, even, but you couldn’t do anything when Joshua immediately recognized the feeling once his eyes met yours and he ran to you like he’d give you the world right that very second.

There was nothing magical about it.

You’re not sure how you feel either about the universe giving you the perfect partner by theory, but also somehow shaping you into a person that believes the whole soulmate thing is bullshit. It doesn’t seem to matter whether Joshua notices your lack of romantic reciprocation or not, because Joshua still treats you like you’re the love of his life and he looks at you like you’re his whole galaxy.

Or perhaps he mistakes the way you care for him as romance?

What a fucking drama you live in.

“What got you thinking?” You blink at his voice, and Joshua looks at you amused as he settles right beside you despite the heaps of empty space on your sofa. “You’ve been zoning out a lot these days.”

“Have I?” You ask, accepting the way his arm automatically goes behind you on top of the sofa head. You like his warmth, you really do. You like–no–you admit that you love a lot of things about Joshua and you’re glad you met him even though you absolutely abhor the soulmate system.

You love his eyes, the way they seem to stare into your soul and are able to tell what’s inside your mind most of the time.

You love his hands, they always know to wrap around yours when you need it most, pull you closer when you stray away because something distracts you along the way.

You love his voice, so calm and soothing that you would ask him to talk you to sleep through the phone on nights sleep refuses to find you, the way he’ll hum when he’s in a good mood though he never actually sings in front of you because he says he can’t carry an actual tune otherwise. (Two years since you’ve found each other and you’re still on a mission to make him sing because you just knew he sings well.)

But, most of all, you love the way he treats you.

The way he’ll ask if he’s not sure what you want him to do, the way he’ll carefully thread through your mood when the day hasn’t been good, and the way he gives you space even if he wants to be near you all the time.

He respects you. Not only as his soulmate but also as a person, and you can’t thank him enough for that.

Perhaps that’s why it hurts much more now; why guilt is eating you inside out because you can only think about Wonwoo and his words when Joshua is right next to you, his thigh pressed against yours and his thumb caressing your shoulder over your shirt.

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path?

You force back the tears before they can actually form, gulping before you tell him it’s nothing.

“Should we go out?”

“Where?”

“Hmmm. Namsan? We can take a walk, get you off your mind.” His smile is kind, and you feel like crying again because of how considerate Joshua is. He doesn’t even ask, doesn’t push even once just in case you’ll crack. He simply accepts that you don’t want to talk about it and offers you something that might help.

Why the fuck aren’t you in love with him when he’s your soulmate and he’s as perfect as someone could be?

His arms envelop you and thrust you into his chest before you could break, and you manage to hold it for three full seconds before the tears stubbornly fall and you whimper softly into his hold. Joshua doesn't say anything, doesn’t hush you and asks if you’re okay.

No.

He accepts that you’re not okay and you don’t want to tell him about it. That you’re crying and he feel so fucking useless because he can’t do anything to help you with it.

That you’re hiding something from him that’s possibly making you cry even though you never did before.

Still, he holds you close and lets you cry.

You grasp the front of his shirt as you try your best to stop your tears. You don’t even know why you’re crying this much, but you suppose between the stressful week and the whole Wonwoo situation, the guilt combined with Joshua’s innocent look trigger something within you.

“I’ll just get you some water.” He whispers against your head once you’ve calmed down, squeezes your shoulder and then lets you go. He’s back not even a minute later, and you thank him as you take your mug, embarrassed when you wipe the remaining of your tears off your face. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, sorry about that.” You manage to whisper, too embarrassed to even look him in the eyes.

His smile is meant to be comforting, but thinking yet again about the reason why you even cried to begin with, it only makes your heart squeezes painfully.

“You probably need it. You know I won’t judge.” He caresses your cheek as if to make sure to get rid of all traces of tears there. He searches for your face, as if he can tell what’s inside your mind just by doing so, and for a moment, you’re afraid that he really can; that he’ll see the man that you’ve met once some time last week clouding your mind like there’s no tomorrow. “Do you want to go for a walk anyway? Perhaps you need to get out of the house for a bit?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” You reach up to circle your fingers around his wrist, smiling back at him because despite everything, you’re still thankful that the universe thinks you’re deserving of someone like him. You’re still thankful that you get to be on the receiving end of his affection.

Joshua leans forward to kiss your forehead, lingering for a good few seconds before he tells you to get ready.

It doesn’t take you too long to get ready, nor does it take long for you two to arrive at Namsan. Climbing the stairs to get to the park, Joshua asks instead if you’re willing to just go further up to get to the peak where the tower is. You’re not exactly dressed for climbing (though it’s really just stairs, stairs, and more stairs), nor are you in the mood for it, but you think exhausting your body is just what you might just need so you can pass out the moment you reach your bed later on.

He extends his hand, and you take it with a smile despite the pinch in your heart. You spend the first ten minutes in silence, hand in hand as you ascend up the seemingly never-ending stairs.

Already out of breath, you begin to doubt your decision of climbing up when Joshua speaks.

“I haven’t gone here in so long.” Undeniably, it’s a very nice weather out. You being out of breath has more to do with your lack of exercise on a daily basis more than anything, but even in your predicament you can still appreciate the night view around you. As much as you feel like dying right now, you know you don’t actually regret it.

“Yeah? Me too.” You grip his hand tighter for support, then ask if you could rest for a bit when you see a rest stop. Joshua laughs as you ask this, though he nods and hands you a piece of chocolate the moment you both sit down on an empty bench overlooking Seoul from where you’re at.

“You’re a lifesaver.” You moan as you take a bite of the chocolate, leaning your head on his shoulder and stretching your legs. “I haven’t climbed in so long. My legs will fall tomorrow, I’m sure.”

“I’ll run a bath for you before I go home tonight.”

You try to trample the way your heartbeat picks up; not because you’re fluttered, but because you’re once again eaten with guilt by how perfect Joshua really is. He doesn’t exactly know how you feel about soulmates; you’re not cruel enough to say things right to his face.

But you know for sure that he’s aware of your choice of literature.

He doesn’t comment on them, and you try not to read them when he’s around. But he once caught you reading on your phone over your shoulder and you sheepishly said you simply find those essays interesting.

Joshua isn’t stupid, knows that there’s a reason why you find them interesting, but he chooses to be in ignorant bliss and says you’re free to read whatever you want and there’s no need to justify yourself to him of all people.

Yeah, because it’s totally normal that your soulmate is interested in reading essays on why soulmates are bullshits.

Forty minutes later with some short breaks along the way, you finally reach the top. There aren’t as many people, and you walk around for a bit to let your legs relax before finding yet another bench to sit on.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here at night.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. Sure is different from being here during the day.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Joshua agrees, his palm absentmindedly caresses your thigh as if it helps relieve your sore muscle.

“Should we have some cup ramyeons?” You suggest, pointing to the convenience store you pass by earlier. “I think I can do some if I share with you.”

Joshua nods, but before he can offer to go, you tell him he can rest instead.

“I’ll go get it. Should I buy two or are you fine just sharing one with me?”

“Two is fine.”

“And the usual drink?”

“And the usual drink.” He grins. “You sure you can take everything by yourself?”

You roll your eyes in mock annoyance, exhaling a ‘duh’ as you tell him to just wait.

Pleased that the convenience store isn’t crowded either, you hum as you go through the snack isles instead. Knowing yourself, you’ll probably only eat two thirds of the cup ramyeon and wolf down the snack instead if you buy some; but you don’t see why not because Joshua’s there to finish your food anyway. Plus, it’s a nice night out and that’s enough to justify your choice of dinner.

Juggling two big cups of instant noodles, a packet of cheese, a hotbar, and a bag of shrimp chips isn’t your talent, but you manage and you drop them on the cashier before quickly telling the cashier you’re just going to grab a drink real quick.

Almost bumping into the person behind you, your apology is stuck in your throat once you realize who’s the person exactly.

What the fuck.

“Oh…” Wonwoo says in surprise, the words seemingly out of his mouth before he even realizes. “Hi…?”

You give him an awkward smile and nod before quickly going to the drink aisle. Apologizing once again to the cashier who’s still scanning your purchase (and to Wonwoo) once you return even though it’s barely been five seconds.

“Need help?” Wonwoo says good-naturedly, gesturing to the amount of things you’ve just bought.

“Hey, I–”

Wonwoo looks at you staring between him and the guy who has just entered. Getting the hints immediately that his help isn’t needed, he smiles before paying for his stuff and leaves the convenience store.

He looks spitefully at the night sky, it’s so unnecessarily pretty too, unsure if he wants to curse whatever’s up there that of all days he decides to go outside, he just has to see you again. With another guy at that. He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. The guy could simply be your friend for all he knew.

But if there’s one thing that is Wonwoo, he’s quick to put pieces together. From your panicked glance and the way you tense when you see him, he knows. Perhaps it’s also just intuition. But he just knew that man, whoever he is, is the one that heaven has decided to be the one for you.

He exhales a deep breath before finding a secluded place somewhere behind a tree, carefully hidden to minimize any chance of being seen by you (or seeing you with your soulmate). He would’ve immediately left if he could, but he’s only arrived and it feels like it’s such a waste for him to leave just like that despite the situation.

What even is the situation?

He’s been thinking a lot since he met you, if he wants to seek you out again and what he wants to do if he does. The thought is no longer so much of a wishful thinking like it used to be. He knows you exist now. You’re actually living, you’re real, and you have a soulmate that is not him.

It sounds so much like an exaggeration, but he’s never felt so empty after going home that night, thinking about you and your soulmate. Do you live together? Do you care about him regardless of your stance on the whole soulmate thing? Does he treat you well? Does he get to hold you while you sleep? Does he–Fuck.

Wonwoo hates being like this, and he’d love to say it’s gotten better the more time passes by, but it has only gotten even worse because his dream is getting longer and even more prominent since meeting you. And what he hates most is he’s started to feel more and more strongly about you even through his dreams.

What is one supposed to do when they fall in love with an illusion that has a counterpart living in the realm of reality? He’s pretty sure no one would have the answer.

He glances up at the sound of faint laughter, seemingly so loud in the silent night, or perhaps he simply picks it up because he knows exactly who it belongs to before he even sees you. He bites his lip at the scene he’s witnessing: you, laughing with your soulmate at god knows what.

He can’t blame the guy for looking at you like you hold the universe for him. After all, Wonwoo would probably do exactly the same thing had he been given the chance. His past self from another life could vouch for that.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he’s not sure, you end up sitting a good distance away from where he’s at, your back facing him as you settle beside the man destined to be with you. You’re not too far that he can’t see your side profile, which gets his heart both squeezing in pain and fluttering at the same time.

He doesn’t even know that was possible.

Wonwoo looks far to the distance, at the endless night sky that’s so unnecessarily full of stars today of all day. He wants to think the universe is mocking him, playing a joke on him for being alone by himself on such a beautiful night, making him watch you laughing with your soulmate as the cherry on top.

But he knows he’s not that special.

He’s just one of many; his misery wouldn’t be all that amusing for the universe.

Scoffing at the thought of the universe, he lowers his eyes from the sky only to accidentally meet yours.

Is this the work of the universe too?

Nah, he shouldn’t give too much credit to the damn thing. But, then again, blaming it for every single thing that went wrong in his life has proved to be some kind of comfort if he’s being completely honest.

You offer him a small smile anyway, not even waiting for him to return the gesture.

It hurts still to see you with your soulmate, sharing food and talking about what he assumes to be nothing and everything. But as he lays in bed that night and thinks about your smile, he admits that if the universe lets him meet you in this lifetime, perhaps it isn’t so bad, after all.

Wonwoo has always liked the number three.

Third’s time the charm and all that jazz. He doesn’t hold on to it religiously, just some fun little routine that he finds amusing. When he takes an item in a grocery store, he takes the third one from the front; when he goes to the convenience store because he needs one (1) thing, he takes two small snacks so it’s three items in total; on the rare days when Wonwoo feels like trying a new drink in a cafe, he’d just choose the third item in the menu.

It’s fun.

Today, Wonwoo’s supposed to meet Mingyu for a little get together. He’s the first friend he’s made in Seoul, a guy that’s a little too flashy for his liking but is still a good person nevertheless and definitely a much better company than most people that he’s made to be acquainted with in the new city.

He’s not too excited about the invitation, but doesn’t see why he should turn the younger guy down when he has no plan during the weekend, and, as much as he loves staying inside, the four walls of his apartment is starting to feel a little suffocating because it’s almost been a month since that night he randomly went to Namsan and saw you, and… he hasn’t gone out for anything that’s not a necessity since then.

So when Mingyu asks for the third time since they got to know each other if he wants to join him on a night out or not, he decides he should also appreciate the guy’s persistence despite already being turned down twice before.

Anyway.

He was supposed to meet him for a little get together. Apparently, Mingyu’s version of ‘a little get together’ is to invite a group of friends that Wonwoo obviously doesn’t know for dinner and only notifying him of the additional party thirty minutes before their promised time.

He exhales. It’s too late for him to bail. Right now, his hope is only as high as the ground: he simply wishes he wouldn’t return home socially exhausted.

It’s a small pizza diner inside an alleyway where they promised to meet. And Mingyu along with his friends thankfully arrive at the same time as him so Wonwoo wouldn’t need to go inside and look around like a fool, wondering where his table full of strangers and a slightly familiar friend is.

He’s not close enough with Mingyu to say he’s comfortable around him, but he’s still the most familiar face between the four faces in front of him so he decides sitting next to Mingyu is the best choice. Thankfully, the younger guy doesn’t seem to be the type to push him to interact with new people immediately.

Thirty minutes into dinner, Wonwoo can tell Mingyu probably brings these friends around because he thinks Wonwoo needs to meet new people (or maybe he thinks it’ll be awkward if it’s just the two of them?). It’s easy to tell that he’s brought the friendliest people who’s just loud enough, who understand that Wonwoo’s quiet but still able to naturally included him in conversations without making him feel bad about being, well, quiet (god knows how many people have tried to make him feel bad for staying quiet during conversations).

Jungkook is a friend from high school, he’s learned, apparently one of Mingyu’s closest friends. Jeonghan is a senior from his previous company; someone that he didn’t know he’d end up being close with because, at first, Jeonghan was obviously just someone he had to work together with. Jisoo, he finds out later on, is Jungkook’s ex-girlfriend before he found his soulmate, though they treasure their friendship too much to cut each other off.

Except for Jungkook, the other two friends seem a little unconventional and Wonwoo doesn’t understand how Mingyu ends up being close enough with them to go out together like this.

He doesn’t ask.

“We’re planning on bar hopping.” Mingyu tells him, and Wonwoo feels dread fill his chest at what this might imply until Mingyu adds, “You’re free to leave if you don’t want to go with us though! I understand it might not be everyone’s thing.”

Weirdly, Wonwoo now wants to go because he’s been given the freedom of choice. Plus, at least he knows he’d be surrounded by these people and he can go home at any time if he wants to.

“What kind of bar?”

“Definitely not clubs pretending to be a bar.” Mingyu jokes. “Maybe wine or cocktail bars?”

“Sure, I’ll come then.” Wonwoo shrugs, then tells Mingyu he’ll probably return home first if he and his friends are planning to go until morning, to which Mingyu nods and says that it’s no problem at all.

Wonwoo doesn’t really understand the concept of bar hopping. He’s always been curious about it, but never curious enough to actually do it. So he supposes it’s also his curiosity that pushes him to say yes. He kind of wants to see what it’s all about and he doesn’t think he’d have another opportunity where he might remotely enjoy the experience if not now.

The first cocktail bar isn’t that great, if only because the place is small and it feels like everyone can hear what they’re talking about. They each have one drink and immediately leave for the next one. They go to a wine bar, and Wonwoo is pleased to know the alcohol in his system (and the current company, he’s sure) has made him more relaxed than he had been the past week.

After an hour or so, Mingyu decides he’s had too much energy and asks if it’s okay to move to an open bar that’s not as noisy as a club but is still noisy enough for people to enjoy the music and fill the dancing floor.

Normally, Wonwoo would say no. But he surprisingly still has enough social battery and thinks might as well go all out while he’s at it. It’s not often that he’s in a social mood.

The bar is a little too noisy for Wonwoo’s liking, though the half part of the building has no roof so it’s not too loud nor suffocating. After ordering their drinks, Mingyu and Jungkook head to the dance floor. Jisoo and Jeonghan stay at the table with him; Jisoo says she’s not really in the mood to dance while Jeonghan says his soulmate is picking him up in a bit so he’s just going to stick around til then.

It’s thirty minutes later that he leaves and Wonwoo’s now left alone with Jisoo. It’s not uncomfortable, but it is a little awkward and Jisoo seems to share the sentiment as she tries to find topics to talk about.

They end up talking about literature and movies, and Wonwoo has to lean forward to be able to listen to her clearly over the music until she eventually moves to sit next to him so they can talk easier. He notices Jungkook glancing every now and then, and when Jisoo follows his gaze, she chuckles a little and shakes her head.

“Sorry. It’s just a habit of his, don’t mind him.”

Wonwoo blinks, unsure. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I know a lot of people find his stares uncomfortable.” She shrugs. “He’s just protective of me. It’s nothing, I promise.”

Wonwoo’s not nosy. But between the alcohol in his system, his remote curiosity, and the way Jisoo looks like she wants to talk about it, he kindly throws the bait.

A subtle one, though.

“How did you end up being close with Mingyu?”

“Through Kook, at first.” Mingyu and Jeonghan don’t refer to Jungkook with that name, he notes. And a part of him wonders if it’s a nickname that Jisoo has for him or if it’s just how his girl friends call him. “We dated before. But we broke up because, well, he found his soulmate and… Mingyu was kind enough to keep me company and made sure I was okay after the whole ordeal. I’m not sure why he felt the need to do that, but I’m thankful regardless. So… yeah.”

He bites the question about soulmates. Doesn’t ask why they tried dating each other if they knew they aren’t soulmates, but he does wonder about how she must’ve felt or how she’s feeling right now. He can’t exactly compare his situation with hers, because as much as he’s going through a… heartbreak, it’s somewhat onesided while Jisoo actually had a relationship with Jungkook.

And she still has to be friends with him.

He doesn’t know if it’s the universe or Jungkook that is cruel.

Or perhaps Jisoo is a masochist.

Apparently, she’s also very honest when she’s tipsy.

“I’m an outlier.” She smiles bitterly after downing a shot, then she pulls up the sleeve of her cardigan and shows him what he assumes to be a trace of a soulmate mark; a faint outline of a snowflake that’s barely visible unless you actually take a look at her wrist. “I hav–had a soulmate. They died before I even met them and that’s why the mark… burned.”

Her chuckle is nowhere near amused when Wonwoo’s eyes widen in surprise, and she answers before he even asks as she pulls down the sleeve of her cardigan.

“It literally burned. I was sixteen; and I was out with Jungkook getting ice cream when it started to burn and he had to witness me being all hysterical, crying as I told him my wrist burnt and it felt like it’s going to fall off.” She doesn’t look bitter at all as she talks about this, just very sad and perhaps even a tad bit nostalgic. “He was fourteen. A little shorter than I was at that point, but he tried his best to tug me to a secluded place so people wouldn’t stare despite my struggle because everything hurt and I just felt like crying, hugged me to muffle my scream, and stayed with me for hours after that even though I was just zoning out, not saying anything.”

Wonwoo isn’t sure if it’s a story for him to hear; but Jisoo looks like she needs it (or is it just the alcohol?) and the least he could do is to listen. At least he can rest easy knowing this story wouldn’t be going anywhere else.

“I knew what happened even though I didn’t know by theory. I could feel it; felt the connection that was only faintly there just… gone. Jungkook took me home and told my parents about what happened. Of course they knew what it meant and they thanked him before sending him home. I couldn’t really talk for weeks, the emptiness and the burn were too prominent for me to be doing anything. My parents told the school I was sick so I was dismissed from classes.”

She pauses, and for the first time, Wonwoo can tell exactly what she’s feeling: she’s numb and she’s exhausted. There’s no trace of tears in her eyes. They’re void of anything and Wonwoo suddenly feels an odd sense of affinity the more he listens to her.

“Jungkook… stopped by everyday even though he didn’t know what actually happened. He probably had an idea, but he didn’t press and he talked to me about anything and everything even if I didn’t say anything–said from the beginning that I didn’t need to answer, that he’d do all the talking for me.”

Wonwoo doesn’t need to listen to the rest of the story to know why Jisoo still treasures Jungkook as…, well, whatever she regards him as right now. He doesn’t want her to talk about more sad things like how she ended up dating him and how she broke up with him, so he offers her what he could: honesty and a change of topic.

Even if it’s only a little.

“I’m an outlier also.” He says quietly that Jisoo almost misses it. “Doesn’t have a soulmate but… it’s complicated.”

Thankfully, Jisoo doesn’t pry, simply takes another shot and offers a cheer to him.

“Sucks to be us.”

It’s weird, but Wonwoo finds himself chuckling before he takes his own drink and clinks his glass to hers and takes a sip of his highball.

“Sucks to be us.”

His mind wanders to you, thinking if he could stand being in Jisoo’s place had it been like that for him. He had only seen you with your soulmate from afar, had only talked to you once, and it hurts anyway.

Why is he cursed with the memories of his previous life, again?

He’s been mentally restless since that night. How could he not when he keeps on seeing you everywhere? His dreams are getting more and more prominent and so are his feelings. He keeps on thinking he sees you somewhere–everywhere–only to realize it’s not you, just ghosts of you haunting him in every person that he sees.

How fucking stupid, falling in love with a series of images and illusions.

Drinking the rest of his drink, he shakes his head and winces at the alcohol and at how his mind is playing tricks once again. Perhaps drinking alcohol hasn’t been the best option if he ends up imagining you even here between the blurry images of people.

Fuck, he’s down bad.

In such perfect timing, Mingyu and Jungkook return to the table, so Wonwoo leaves Jisoo with them and excuses himself to the restroom. He looks at himself in the mirror, and then looks at his phone only to realize it’s already almost one in the morning. Perhaps it’s time he goes home; the talk he’s shared with Jisoo proves to be more mentally exhausting than he thinks it is.

He almost bumps into someone on his way out, hands reaching out to the person in front of him in reflex only to let go just as quick once he sees your face once again. Christ, is he that drunk? He really needs to go home.

That version of you is very pretty too, fuck.

“Uh… Wonwoo?” He’s even imagining your voice now? “Are you… okay?”

He looks up in alarm once he realizes you’re real. It’s actually you in front of him and you’re not a figment of his imagination. He opens his mouth to say something, but someone bumps into you hard and you tumble into his chest.

Wonwoo’s breath is caught in his throat at the turn of events, but his arm catches you anyway and glares at the guy before he looks down and asks if you’re okay. You look as flustered as he’s feeling, and he hopes the loud music is enough to cover the sound of his heartbeat.

“You’re okay?” It’s stupid how disappointment fills his chest the moment you step away, a sense of longing already making its way to his heart.

He needs to get away.

“I—yeah.” You look unsure and Wonwoo doesn’t like how your body screams uneasiness.

“Are you by yourself?”

“No?” Now you sound unsure, and even though Wonwoo is also another stranger in the sea of strangers, he thinks he trusts himself better than any other people here to help you if you don’t want to be here. “Well, I was with my friend but she… yeah.”

You’re biting your lip, as if afraid he’d scold you (Why would he? He’s not your boyfriend (Wait. No. Back pedal, back pedal)). Fuck, fuck, fuck. He swallows hard to calm himself down; this is not the time to imagine what it’d be like to be your boyfriend.

“Come on.” He says as calmly as possible, his fingers balled into a fist to stop himself from taking your hand in his. He considers bringing you to his table, but he doesn’t know how he should introduce you to his party so he quickly texts Mingyu he’s going home because something turns up before he leads you out of the club.

It’s silence filling you two despite the somewhat noisy alley you’re walking through, and you don’t know Wonwoo enough to be able to tell if he’s pissed or what; but he does seem tense and you’re the one uncomfortable with the unnerving silence.

“I’m–I’m sorry.” You try to open a conversation. Wonwoo stops in his tracks and turns to you in confusion. “You were probably there to have fun or something… Sorry I made you get me out of there.”

He shakes his head, and your heart relaxes when he smiles a little. “It’s fine. About time I go back anyway. Do you mind if we stop by a convenience store for a bit?”

It’s then that you realize you’ve been blindly following him. You don’t even know the guy. You’ve met him twice before, and your second meeting barely even lasts five minutes, yet you readily follow him because you know you’ll be more comfortable with him than there–more safe, more… secure.

Fuck, you didn’t even ask him where he’s taking you earlier. It was almost automatic the way you followed his steps. You try to convince yourself that it’s his familiarity that makes you feel safe. Because even if you don’t know him that well, his face is still one imprinted in your head so it’s normal that you’d feel safer than you would with any other person in that club.

Plus, you’ve talked to him once before and he at least passed the vibe check, right?

But as you pile these thoughts in your head, trying to justify the uncalled feeling of security this stranger brings you, deep down you know why exactly your anxiety seeps away at the sight of him earlier, why your shoulders drop down in relief, and why your chest is no longer filled with dread.

“Here, have this.”

That’s why. You think to yourself.

Wonwoo isn’t smiling at you, but there’s a kind of warmth that he radiates as he hands you a drink and ushers you to sit on the table in front of the convenience store. There’s a certain warmth that reaches you as he sits in front of you and places a hot bun on the table, pushes it towards you without saying anything.

You watch him slot his hands into the pocket of his jackets, and you suddenly wonder if he gets cold easily. It’s not that cold outside, though you suppose it is one in the morning and the wind picks up a little at times like this.

“Thanks.” You mumble as you wrap your fingers around the small bottle of warm honey water. You can’t help but smile at the drink of his choice, a little funny how he didn’t get you a hot chocolate or tea; something most people would usually get. “Can I ask why honey?”

He blinks, as if not getting what you’re talking about until you hold up the glass bottle for him to see.

Wonwoo panics a little. He has bought the drink without thinking, a part of his mind that stores the information about you from his dream making him do so. In fact, it was only yesterday that he dreamt of you drinking one.

The dream is still vivid in his mind. He dreamt of you sleeping, and he assumed he was trying to sleep himself when you jolted awake out of nowhere, eyes frantic and hands flailing around looking for him. He saw himself whispering words of comfort to you, and he saw you burying yourself into him like there’s any space between the two of you before he pulled away and said he’d get you some drink from the kitchen.

You had smiled weakly at the sight of your favorite drink, a warm honey water that always comforted you at nights like this.

“Do you not like it? I can get you something else if you want?”

“No, it’s fine.” You smile, something inside you blooming dangerously at his words and what you may or may not be implying with yours. “Just… I usually drink those too. Some of my friends judge me for that.”

He’s more surprised about the fact that you share this with your past self more than anything, but, still, he asks. “Huh? Why?”

“Just because it’s unusual, I suppose.” Shrugging, you proceed to open the lid and take a sip. “Not a lot of people drink this, you know? Or, at least, they drink it cold. I prefer it warm.”

He wonders if you share anything else with your past self. So far, there’s been two: Autumn and this drink. Would you be suspicious if he threw it out there? Would you freak out?

“Someone I know eats watermelon only if it’s frozen; I’m sure it's just a preference on your part.”

You smile shyly as you answer him, an image that’s forever burned into his mind. “I do that also.”

His mind runs a thousand hundred scenarios of what this could mean, wonders if it’s simply a coincidence or if the universe is on to something.

“Aren’t you special,” he smiles tightly, hoping that you don’t catch upon his awkwardness.

“Thank you for putting it that way.” The sound of your laughter makes him want to be selfish; to drag out conversations and spend as much time as possible with you even though he knows you have a soulmate. Is it considered cheating like this? Is he immoral for wanting this? “My friends also judge me because I don’t like cheese cake, cheese sauce and anything cheese flavored even though I don’t mind an actual cheese.”

“You… don’t like cheese cake?” Wonwoo blinked, unsure if he heard right. He wasn’t a cheese lover or anything, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen anyone who grimaced at the word ‘cheese cake’.

“They’re too… cheesy.”

“Autumn, it’s called cheese cake for a reason.”

“And the texture… yuck.” You grimaced before telling him to stop talking about it before you lose your appetite.

“Are you judging me too?” Your voice snaps him out of his gaze, and he blinks a few times before he shakes his head no. This can’t be good, fuck. It’s been less than 10 minutes since he’s been talking to you, and yet his heartbeat is out of control and the fact that you share a lot of things with the illusion of yourself that he’s developed an attachment for isn’t good at all.

He tries his best to remind himself that his feeling isn’t real; that perhaps he’s too blinded by something that he’s been holding on to and he doesn’t know what to do now that it’s somewhat changing. That he’s confused and he shouldn’t do anything that would cause him further confusion.

But with you in front of him, as real as you can be, smiling and launching into a bunch of topics that is actually dear to his heart, he can’t help but indulge his feelings and bask in your presence, in your smile and your voice, in the sound of your laughter and the way you lean forward so you can speak to him better, a habit that he notices the you in his dream also had.

So he lets go.

Whatever consequence that awaits him, he’ll face it when it comes. Right now, he just wants to pretend like you don’t have a soulmate who’s probably waiting for you back home–who may be worried sick because you haven’t looked at your phone even once since the moment he sits down in front of you.

Wonwoo isn’t usually selfish and he hopes that the universe will let him go this one time for wanting to be–for wanting to keep you to himself even for a limited time. Even if you aren’t aware of it.

This chance might not come again, he tells himself. The chance of talking to you under the stars in front of a random convenience store at ungodly hours, like you’re just two people talking to each other–like soulmates isn’t a thing and he’s free to feel whatever it is he’s feeling.

He wants this, he realizes as his eyes flicker down to your lips for a few seconds, subtle enough for you to miss. He wants a real memory of you. Something real that he can keep to his heart, something that isn’t a part of his dream and a fragment of his memories. And even though he’d go home feeling empty and he’d curse himself tomorrow, it doesn’t matter because what matters now is that you’re here with him and he’s going to take as much as you’re willing to give him.

“I’ve finished reading the book, by the way.” You open another topic. A controversial one, if you may say so yourself, and you know deep down what you’re trying to do by saying this even though you’ll deny it if anyone asks.

“Oh yeah? How do you find it?”

“I think I agree with most of what he said.” You bite your lip, your mind wandering to Joshua for the first time since you saw Wonwoo. “I just… I don’t know. I’m not anti soulmate, I just don’t see why you should succumb to your… instincts? Feelings? And simply accept your soulmate without thinking too much about it.”

Wonwoo doesn’t say anything for a moment and you wonder if he disagrees with you or if he’s simply gathering his thoughts. He seems thoughtful, perhaps trying to find words that won’t offend you before he offers you his opinion.

“Can I ask why you started thinking that way?” he asks instead, and it’s your turn to be silent and arrange your words.

Because you don’t know.

You can’t tell since when do you feel this strongly about the soulmate situation. You used to be quite indifferent about it, not having any opinion whatsoever though you sure weren’t as excited as the other kids your age when it came to romanticizing anything about soulmates.

Your friends would talk about their dream scenarios of the first meeting with their soulmates, or they would go on and on about looking forward to meeting them.

But you were never that excited.

It was just another thing in your life: like eating ice cream or trying out a new cafe. There’s nothing so special about it.

“I think…” You contemplate, wondering if you want to be that honest with this beautiful, familiar stranger in front of you. “It was when I met my soulmate?”

Wonwoo seems surprised, probably not sure how to interpret your words and you don’t blame him at all.

“Sorry?”

“You know how people say that there are… fireworks? And butterflies? Just those big, grandiose feelings blooming inside your chest at once when you meet your soulmate?” He nods, trying to see where you’re going with this. “Well, I… didn’t feel those when I met mine. Sure, it all made sense and it just kinda… clicked in my head. Like a moment of eureka, if you will. But I wasn’t… excited or anything of the sort. If anything, my heartbeat picked up because I was anxious, already worried about what he might expect of me and all that.”

You refuse to look at Wonwoo. You’re not sure what kind of answer that you expect from him, but he doesn’t seem like he’d judge and, between the ungodly hour and the little alcohol that’s left in your system, it feels relieving to finally be able to say this out loud.

You’ve never been able to. Not only because people would call you crazy, but because you know no one wouldn’t not judge you for it.

But here in front of Wonwoo… Jeon Wonwoo who you’ve only met for the third time in your life, you feel safe for reasons that you can’t comprehend.

So you continue. You’ll blame it on the alcohol tomorrow morning, even though you know you’re not intoxicated enough for it to be the case. You’ll justify yourself by saying Wonwoo isn’t a friend and he knows no one in your life–that if this goes south, you technically wouldn’t lose anything.

Yeah.

That’s how you’ll go down this road.

“I mean… I love him, you know?” You would’ve seen Wonwoo’s face drop had you not been busy staring at your nails, still too afraid to look at him despite the resolve you’ve made. “But not… that way.”

“Like… platonic?” Wonwoo offers, careful.

“Yeah…” You bite your lip, trying to stop the tears that suddenly blur your eyes. “Like platonic.”

You hate yourself for the way your heart lightens at your own words. Because even though it’s something that you’ve thought of once before, you bury it so deep somewhere you can’t reach. You never say it out loud to anyone; never admit it to yourself even though you know it’s true.

And to say it like this to another person–out in the open… You hate yourself so fucking much because it’s true and you’re somehow going to hurt Joshua even if you don’t mean to.

Wonwoo panics at the sight of your tears, at the way your lips tremble and the way he’s sure your nails are digging into your palms. He doesn’t know what to do, unsure about what he can do because you’re…, he winces as he thinks to himself, not even a friend.

What is the appropriate distance he needs to keep? Is he even allowed to comfort you? He can’t even be relieved at your revelation because you’re obviously not fine and there’s something churning at the pit of his guts the longer he sees you try to stop yourself from crying.

It’s when a sob eventually escapes your lips that he stops thinking. Because how can he stand still when you’re there crying like you’re admitting a crime worthy of a death sentence? When you can’t even lift your head because you’re trying so damn hard to hide your face and your tears?

He hears you gasp when he wraps his arms around you, something that he wishes you’re okay with, and if there’s anything Wonwoo would describe as magical, it’s the way you perfectly fit against him as you press yourself closer for comfort, your forehead on his neck and your tears warm against his skin. He’s sure he’s just making things up, but it feels like there’s a soft wind going through his whole body, leaving trails of goosebumps on his arms.

It’s probably not the most appropriate moment for him to be feeling that way, but he doesn’t have time to be guilty because it seems like you somewhat share the sentiment–pulling away like you’re electrocuted before you look at him wide-eyed and gaping.

“Won–”

“I’m an outlier.” He cuts you off, riding the rush he’s feeling across his body and letting his honest words get out before he can think too much. He doesn’t know why but he feels like he should tell you and he should do it right now. “I don’t have a soulmate and–”

“Kiss me?” There’s urgency and a slight tremble in your voice as you ask this, fingers grasping the material of his shirt tightly like it’s your lifeline.

“But your soul–”

“Wonwoo, please?”

It’s hard to tell who moves first, or perhaps you two move at the same time, but the moment his lips meet yours, Wonwoo would like to retract his statement earlier about your embrace being magical because it’s nothing compared to this.

It’s absolutely nothing compared to the thousand fireworks exploding in his chest at different intervals–never stopping and electrifying in the most pleasant way possible. He doesn’t know it’s possible for humans to feel this way. Is this what people with a soulmate feels like when they meet their soulmate? Isn’t this what you said earlier: fireworks and butterflies?

It’s not even butterflies in his stomach. He’s pretty sure there’s an earthquake down there. But, the most important of them all, it feels right and it makes sense even though it shouldn’t be.

The longer his lips move against yours, your fingers grasping the front of his shirt to pull him closer while his fingers thread through your hair to pull you closer, the more it feels like… fuck, he hates to say it but, it feels like it’s meant to be.

It’s only because you both need to take a breath that you pull away, and Wonwoo doesn’t think it’s possible for his heart to run even faster than it already is, but it is because, Christ, the way you look like you’re in a trance and your slightly swollen lips are doing things to his heart that he has never experienced before.

It’s a mystery how long you spend looking at each other like that in silence, wrapped against each other without saying anything. He wants so badly to just kiss you senseless once again, but the gears in his head are starting to turn and he knows the right thing to do is to talk.

You have a soulmate. But you asked him to kiss you and he did. And it was magical and all the good things he’s heard before, but it’s not supposed to be… right?

“What was that?” You whisper, more to yourself than to him. “I… I don’t understand?”

He whispers your name softly, trying to pull away only for you to pull him closer again, your eyes full of distress and your body tense, a complete 180 from how you were just seconds ago.

“W—why?” You look at him like he has an answer. But he doesn’t, because he’s not even sure what you’re asking about and he’s still trying to find words to say. “This… this is what they say about–about fireworks and… and butterflies but… you’re not my soulmate? What does this mean?”

Wonwoo tries once again, this time reaching out to caress your hair to calm you down. It helps, because your shoulders visibly relax and he reminds you to breathe. You refuse to let go of him though, and his heart squeezes painfully at how shaken up you seem to be.

“Hey, I’m–I’m not going anywhere, okay?” He tells you softly, trying to appear calm even despite what he’s feeling inside. But he can’t show it. Not when you look so lost and your feelings are presumably all over the place. “I’ll just… get some stuff inside. I’ll be back in a minute, I promise.”

True to his words, Wonwoo comes back not even a minute late with a pack of tissues and two water bottles. He opts to sit right beside you as he hands you the tissue and opens the water for you.

“Here, drink this.”

“Thanks.” You murmur quietly, embarrassed now that you’ve (somewhat) come to your senses. There’s a thousand questions running through your head, some of them hateful, loathing yourself for asking another guy to kiss you when you have a soulmate who’s probably worried sick at home because you haven’t texted him at all since you left the club.

But you have more pressing matters at hand–like why did Wonwoo actually kiss you, and why did it feel like how people around you have been describing what it feels like to be with your soulmate? And… Did he say he’s an outlier?

“Feeling better?” His voice is meek, like he’s not sure if it’s okay to talk to you. But you’re too all over the place to think about politeness and whatnot. It’s a trainwreck inside your head. Your head isn’t dizzy because you’re overthinking; it’s dizzy because you’re thinking of too many things at once–it’s thought after thought after thought after thought. They’re colliding and everything’s a mess.

“You felt that too right?” is the first thing that you manage to say and it’s only after you say it that you realize how horrifying it would be if Wonwoo says no.

He nods, albeit hesitantly, but you don’t really mind because you’ll take anything right now. “It’s… what was that? Why… Why do I feel it with you but not Joshua?”

Joshua is your soulmate, Wonwoo registers in his mind, and he looks at you helplessly, his heart dropping a little at the mention of his name. Should he tell you? About the dreams and the memories? He thinks the dreams and the memories are simply, well, dreams and memories after he met you and Joshua all those nights ago.

Perhaps he really is just an outlier, a special one at that, but that’s about it. He has trampled any hope of making something out of his dreams when it’s clear that you belong to someone else in this lifetime. The universe that gifts him the memory of his past life with you, one that arranges another meeting in this lifetime with you, is the same fucking universe that decides you have a soulmate and it’s not him.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

But with how he–and you, apparently–feel earlier, he doesn’t think it’s a meaningless coincidence.

He might’ve considered it as one if it was only him feeling it. That he might’ve been desperate and any contact that he was to have with you would simply be magical because it’s nothing but an illusion on his part.

But you?

You’ve just said you feel it too, whatever it might be. And he feels a glimpse of hope even though the whole situation is completely fucked up and there’s no way to get around it without hurting anyone.

How would you feel if you knew?

Would you freak out?

Would you hate him for hiding it?

Would you think he was planning something against you?

Would you laugh at his face and call him crazy?

“You know something.” Your voice brings him back to reality, your eyes searching his face. You don’t sound accusing, you sound downright confused and, dare he says, a tad bit hopeful. “There’s something you’re not telling me… right?”

Wonwoo takes a deep breath and braces himself for whatever he might need to face afterwards. He owes you that much, he thinks to himself. To a certain extent, his memory is your memory, and if you’re as distraught as you seem to be, he hopes this would help you somehow.

“I remember my past life.” He says as calmly as he can, carefully hiding his fear somewhere behind. “They come to my dreams. I thought it was just dreams at first, but they’re… memories and they’ve been getting longer since I met you. Clearer, too.”

It’s hard to say why you’re not freaked out, why you simply believe him like it’s not the craziest thing you’ve heard in your life. But if the universe can decide two people are destined for each other and grant marks to people to seek their other half, why should this be regarded as impossible?

“Did you… know me in your past life?”

Wonwoo smiles bitterly, and it takes everything in you not to reach out to cup his cheek–tell him that he can be honest and you’re going to listen to him no matter what.

“Do you really want me to answer that?”

“As honest as you can be.”

“I might sound crazy.” He whispers, basking in your touch. “This… might affect you in a bad way.”

“Crazier than you remembering your past life?” You smile a little as you say this, which he returns. He appreciates your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere, and he reaches up to take the hand that was cupping his cheek, his fingers tighten around yours before he braces himself once again.

“You were my soulmate.” He rips the bandaid in one go, afraid that he wouldn’t be able to say it otherwise.

It’s hard to describe what you’re feeling: your breath is caught in your throat, the revelation means more than you thought it would. But it’s not shock that’s filling you up. No. It’s recognition, acceptance, and tears because things finally make sense.

“I promised you that I’d find you again in our next life and–”

It finally fucking makes sense why you always feel like there’s something missing in your life, why Joshua’s arrival doesn’t fill it up even though you secretly thought it would; why you feel that pull with Wonwoo since that first time you met him.

You remember that day still. You were just taking a walk, there was no plan whatsoever to sit around and spend time out in the open when it’s so hot outside. But you had seen him by himself, and it felt like time stopped for a few moments and you were enchanted. You felt compelled to look at him–to approach him and ask if it’s okay to take the empty seat on his table.

It wasn’t magical, your first meeting, but something about Wonwoo had pulled you in and you didn’t even try to question it.

The shock you felt when he called you ‘Autumn’ never really died down. And while you tried to convince yourself that it’s simply because it had been a long time since someone referred to you with that name and it was a nickname that is so dear to you, you could feel deep down that there was something else.

And then there was that dream.

Wait.

Right, that dream.

Is that dream…?

“Ginkgo leaf?” You whisper out of nowhere, trying to recall what you saw all those nights ago. “Was that your mark? In your previous life… was that your mark?”

It’s his turn to look at you in shock, the way he’s gaping at you wide-eyed giving you the answer you were looking for.

“H–how?”

“I had a dream, once.” You’ve never felt this vulnerable in your life, but how can you not be when it feels like you’ve just found the reason you’ve been seeking for your whole life? “It was… that night we met… at Namsan. It was your birthday and we were celebrating with a cake and–”

“Hey, breathe?” Wonwoo cuts you off, and you squeeze his fingers in return, only then realizing that you’ve been holding hands the whole time. “Take your time, okay?”

“And I saw the ginkgo leaf on your wrist…” You finish, trying your best not to glance at his wrist even though you know it’s not there. “I didn’t get to see mine though, and that’s why I didn’t assume you were my soulmate.”

“I see…”

You hate how defeated he sounds. And for all the time you’ve been doubting the universe, questioning its means and cursing its ways, you don’t know what to do right now.

Should you be cursing it some more for putting Wonwoo in that position? For making you feel the way you feel only to find out the reason why is because your heart is apparently caught in the past? What does this make Joshua? What does this make your entire relationship with him?

You ask about his dreams, and even though Wonwoo is hesitant at first, he gets more comfortable the more he relays them. And you feel like crying because, apparently, all of them are about you. There’s not one single dream that doesn’t have you in it, and it feels like a punch to your guts to know that he has to live his life with this replaying in his mind, that he can’t even talk about it to anyone because he doesn’t want to risk it, that he’s been keeping something this big for his whole life because he doesn’t really have any other choice.

You grief about the memories you don’t have. About what could’ve been and about the pain Wonwoo has to go through by himself because the universe has arranged you to be with someone else when he’s been seeing pictures of you with him in his dreams.

“What… what do you think we should do?” You throw the question out there, hope that someone has the answer. But Wonwoo stays silent, and he looks at you with eyes full of yearning that wrenches your soul. You know what he’s trying to say. You’re the one who has a soulmate. Whatever that he might want with you, what he might’ve imagined throughout the entire time he has those memories, they all don’t mean anything because you’re off limits.

“I don’t… think there’s anything that we can do.”

“But–”

“It’s okay.” He shakes his head with a sad smile. “I didn’t… I wasn’t expecting anything. I didn’t even think I’d be talking about this with you.”

“But, still!” You’re grasping his hand tightly–as if he’ll be gone if you let go even slightly. “This… this has got to mean something!”

“You have a soulmate.” He reminds you, his voice shaking. And tears blur your eyes once again at how resigned he sounds, but can you blame him? The universe has fucked him up in more ways than one, you would’ve lost it a long time ago if you were him, but here he is, taking care of you still even though it might make things worse for him.

“Do you love me?”

Wonwoo exhales deeply, pressing his lips together to hide the fact that they’re trembling because he’s so close to tears.

“I know my past self loved you more than life itself.”

“Do you love me?”

“Look–I…”

“Because there’s—there’s clearly something because my heart feels like it’s about to burst and I already want to be with you all the time.” You cry as you honestly bare yourself in front of him, as you tell him all the emotions that have been going through you since the kiss you share with each other minutes ago. “I don’t… I’ve never felt like this before and I’ve always questioned why–wonder what went wrong and if there’s some kind of mistake. But I couldn’t do anything because supposedly he’s my soulmate and I’m supposed to accept that. Because it’s a given and it’s obvious and there’s just no fucking reason for me to question it.”

Wonwoo lets his tears fall as you say all this, his hands warm against yours and he relishes at the way you’re holding on to them tightly, like you want to convince him that there’s something–some way to go around this.

“But you just gave me a reason to question it now.” You sob, reminding him about the talk you had the first time you met each other.

If fate and destiny actually exist, who is there to say that what the universe has decided for you is your best path?

You must look absolutely hideous right now, with tears all over your face that won’t stop no matter how many times you wipe them. But you don’t care, because you finally feel content with him beside you. Because even though it’s selfish and you would need to figure out the whole Joshua situation, you’re not going to let go of the person who finally makes you feel complete, who makes you realize the things your friends have been saying are all true: that it just makes sense, that it’s practically binding to the point where you even hate to think about having to separate with him after this night ends.

“You told me I could always go against my destiny if that’s what I choose to do. Why are you not letting me? Do you not feel it?”

“I do. I swear, I feel it too.” He wipes the last of his tears and calms himself down, makes you panic when he tries to let go of your hands only for his palm to rest warmly against the side of your face. “But you have a soulmate and it’s not something that you can decide by yourself. It wouldn’t be fair to him, don’t you think?”

“Has the universe ever been fair to you?” You ask him, wondering how he can still have this much consideration for someone who he should’ve harbored ill feelings for.

“It leads me to you, doesn’t it? In two different lifetimes too.” He smiles and caresses your cheek, wiping your tears also.

“Please stop making me cry.” You whisper weakly, certain that your eyes will be red and puffy once you’ve stopped crying.

Wonwoo chuckles at this, and the sound of his small laughter brings a smile out of you despite the tears.

“I’m not saying you’re not in your right mind. But perhaps… we’re too high on our emotions right now, don’t you agree?”

You don’t. You really don’t. But you get what he’s saying so you nod and instead bask in the way his thumb is caressing the apple of your cheek.

“So what do you suppose we should do?

“You… might want to think this through and have a talk with… Joshua.” It’s bizarre to hear Joshua’s name from Wonwoo, but you know he’s right and if… if you want to try whatever it is you’re going to try with Wonwoo, you don’t want to do it in hiding and you don’t want to betray Joshua’s trust and respect more than you probably already have at this point. He might hate you, he might not accept it, but you have to at least try and a part of you believes Joshua would understand somehow. “And then we can decide from then?”

“Okay…” You close your eyes and lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, feeling his arm pulling you closer and trying to memorize his scent and his warmth to calm the erratic beat of your heart. “Okay.”

Wonwoo takes you home, sitting a good distance from you in the taxi like you both weren’t pressed against each other just minutes prior. But you know why he’s doing it, and you still appreciate him for going with you just to make sure you’ll go back safely even if he doesn’t have to.

For the first time that night, your mind wanders to Joshua. About how you should approach the subject with him and all the consequences you might need to face afterwards. It’s not going to be pretty even if Joshua somehow understands: what would you say to your family? To his family?

But you can’t let go of Wonwoo. Not now that you’ve met him, that you’ve found out what his existence means to you and you’ve felt all the magic you’ve been hearing from other people.

You wonder now if the reason why you’ve questioned the whole soulmate system is because it doesn’t apply to you personally. Because you didn’t feel the pull and all that should’ve come along with the first meeting.

Now that you’ve felt it with Wonwoo… You glance at him, which Wonwoo catches almost right away. He smiles at you, though you can tell his eyes are full of worries, his mind probably elsewhere. You don’t blame him though, what has transpired tonight is beyond the two of you; it’s only right for him to be out of it.

You suddenly feel like one of those stupid main characters in a romance movie, one who would throw everything away for a man they barely know. But your heart knows Wonwoo, yearns for him before you even know it. In a world where two people are destined to be together… you don’t think it’s stupid of you to want to do this.

When the driver tells you that you’ve arrived you hesitate before you get off, not wanting to leave Wonwoo. But he smiles in encouragement, tells you that you have his number and you’re free to text him after you’ve figured things out.

He omits Joshua from his sentence, but you know that’s what he means.

“Hey.” He calls for you right when you’re about to close the door and reaches out to squeeze your hand once, letting go before you can return the gesture. “Don’t rush it, okay? Take your time. I’ll be waiting. You know I’m good at that.”

Wonwoo waits.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months.

There’s a reason why he gave you his number instead of asking for yours.

He wants you to be ready before deciding anything, wants you to make the decision that you think is best for you.

He knows he’d call you right away if he has your number, to make sure you’re okay and to see how you’re doing.

But that’d be even more painful, he feels like. More painful than a thousand scenarios going through his mind because he’s by himself. At least like this, he knows it’s nothing but scenarios that he comes up with; nothing is real and it’s all in his head.

Like his dreams.

Like his memories.

He exhales as he looks at his phone once again, waiting for your message that isn’t coming.

The third time Wonwoo meets you might be the last time he sees you, after all.

Three months later, October comes around, yellow leaves telling him that autumn has arrived. Not his Autumn, obviously, and he glares at the ginkgo tree he passes by that is still annoyingly green even though everything else has started to turn yellow.

The third week of October, you finally text Wonwoo, apologizing for the time you took and asking if it’s still okay to see each other even though it’s been months since then. He says yes, of course, and you’re currently sitting anxiously in the taxi on your way to his place.

You don’t know how Wonwoo is going to take what you’re about to tell him and you don’t think it’s wise to be having this conversation out in the open; hence why you’re thankful that he agrees when you ask if it’s okay to talk in the privacy of his walls.

“Hi.” He opens the door, offering you a small smile that you return tightly. It’s weird that you immediately feel at peace in his presence despite the anxiety that has been building up in your chest.

“Hi.” You press your lips together, exhaling a deep breath before you apologize to him once again. “Sorry it took me quite some time to text you. I didn’t want to… rush, like you said.”

“It’s okay.” You know it’s not, you can tell by how tense it is and how forced his smile seems to be. Plus, it doesn’t take a genius to know why he looks like he hasn’t been getting decent sleep because you know you probably would’ve looked the same if not for your makeup.

He ushers you to come in, tells you to sit down on the sofa and offers you a drink, in which you say you’re fine with just water.

Wonwoo returns with a cup of warm tea though, and he says that he’s put some honey in it, that you look tense and hopefully the drink helps.

“I figure you’ve made up your mind?”

Truth be told, you can’t even begin to imagine what’s been going on inside Wonwoo’s head. You offered yourself to him only to go missing for three months straight, not even a text that tells him that you’re okay and you’re not forgetting him.

But you didn’t want to text him when things were uncertain, not with what happened right after you got home–with what went down between you and Joshua.

You couldn’t.

That’s why you’ve only finally managed to text him a few days ago. With things being in the clear, you can finally talk to him and decide what’s going to happen moving forward.

“Give me a chance to explain?” You look at him hopefully.

“I wouldn’t tell you to come if I wasn’t going to listen to you.” His smile lifts parts of your tension, and you take a deep breath before you begin, already having imagined this conversation a hundred times in your head.

“Joshua was there when I came home that night.” You bite your lip, already feeling like crying as you recall that scene in your head. “He was on the floor, passed out. He wouldn’t wake up no matter how much I shook him, and I realized he was clutching his neck–right where our soulmate marks are. It was hot, like it was burning before, and I called the hospital right away and–”

“Wait–burning?”

“Yes and… and the mark was fading and it was only hours later that I realized mine was fading also.” You swallow hard at this, a painful wave crashes against your heart as you recall his face when he came to, when he told them what happened and when they told him what actually happened.

“It just… started burning out of nowhere.”

The doctor glanced at you, your eyes were puffy from crying even more than you already did before that, your fingers tight against Joshua’s because you thought you’d lost him.

“Did you feel the burn also?” The doctor pulled you out after Joshua fell back asleep, a conclusion already knitting itself together in her mind. There’s no way you’d be fine enough to stand on your own feet if you had felt the burn, but still, she had to make sure before jumping into conclusions.

“No…” You sniffled. “I… was out with… a friend and he already passed out when I came back home.”

“No pain, at all?”

You shook your head, mentally and physically exhausted after everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours.

“No. I–He’d be fine, right?” You asked in desperation. “What… what happened, exactly?”

“We need to run some more tests. But… you’re sure you didn’t feel anything at all?”

“No, I didn’t. I really didn’t. Does that mean anything?”

“They… they said it’s the universe… taking our marks from us.” You force a smile just right after the first tear falls, your feelings still all over the place even though almost three months have passed since then. “Apparently, it had happened before. Though it’s been fifty years or so since they last heard of a case. They couldn’t really tell why it happened because there weren’t many cases to study and compare, but I felt like… I might have an idea why it happened so I met the doctor privately and told her about you.”

Wonwoo holds back the urge to reach for your hands that are balled into fists, to free your lower lip from your teeth because he’s sure you’d bleed if you bite down just a tad bit harder.

“She said that there’s a possibility that I was right. That… the universe is rearranging my soulmate because I met you. It’s not unheard of, but it’s not something that you’d even find in books because it’s some sort of myth at this point.”

You look up to meet his eyes. His heart breaks at how sad you look, and the protective feeling from three months ago when he saw you crying at one in the morning returns at once. He’s not sure if it’s okay to comfort you this time around though, because by the way you’re relaying the story, he can’t tell at all where you stand exactly.

“I was debating with myself whether it would be better to tell him right away or wait until he got better. But Joshua… caught on easily that something bothered me and it just… came out. I didn’t say your name, and I only told him what he might need to know: that I met someone and it just… made sense.

It wasn’t easy. He was the one laying on the hospital bed but he was also the one comforting me. And I felt so bad and I kept on apologizing to him but he said it’s okay and he understood. That it’s not my fault because he knew I didn’t have a say in how I felt.”

From the thousand scenarios Wonwoo has imagined in the three months you left him in silence, this is not one of them. He can’t even begin to imagine how painful it must’ve been for Joshua, both physically and mentally. His mind takes him back to Jisoo, about what she said about the burn she felt and how it affected her after.

How could Joshua say that in his position?

For what it’s worth, Wonwoo is glad to know that you were meant to be with someone as caring as Joshua is–who is so understanding that he would withstand that kind of pain and said it was fine. That he doesn’t blame you for it.

But where does this leave the two of you now?

“He asked me what I wanted to do now that we’re… no longer bonded by the marks. And I told him honestly that I don’t want to lose him; that I still… love him even though it’s not how he expected me to. That I understand if he doesn’t want me around because it can’t be easy to look at someone who used to be your soulmate.”

You’re sobbing at this point, and he hands you some tissues to wipe your tears, reminds you to breathe before you continue.

“Can you… can you hold me, please?” Your voice is small as you say this, as if you’re uncertain whether you’re allowed to ask that. Wonwoo is glad you did though, because he immediately comes closer and pulls you into his chest, offering you whatever comfort he might be able to give that way. “Sorry, I just–”

“Shh. It’s fine.” Whatever the outcome of this conversation may be, this is the least he can do for you. And perhaps a little for himself also, because it’s painful to see you cry and not able to do anything at all. Because he’s been dreaming of hugging you–the you in this lifetime, not the past one–and he’s not going to pass any chance that’s presented in front of him even if it might be wrong. He still doesn’t know how your talk ended with Joshua, but if you asked him to hold you… that should mean something, right? “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” You sniffle, pulling away to look at him.

“It is my place, so.” He tries to joke to help you relax, and it works because you weakly hit his chest before you exhale another deep breath and continue after Wonwoo makes you take a sip of your tea.

“He… He’d like to keep me around too.” You say quietly, your tears now replaced with hiccups. “But not now. Because it still hurts and… and he says he’d contact me once he’s ready.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

You shrug, burying yourself further into his neck. Is it bad that it feels so right to do this already? Is it bad that you’re doing this when you’re still trying to move on from your guilt?

“I honestly have no idea… But… Well, he says he wants me to be happy with you and that he doesn’t want me to not give you–us–a chance because I feel guilty towards him. That… what’s done is done and he’ll eventually be okay.”

“He’s very kind, isn’t he?” He comments instead, unsure how to feel after everything you’ve said. A big part of him is relieved, but it’s still hard to be completely happy when he knew it cost someone the kind of pain that would last a lifetime.

“The kindest.” You smile for the first time, agreeing with him. “I think that’s also why I’ve always had this guilt within me, you know? Even before I met you. Because I just know I can’t return his feelings but he was supposed to be my soulmate.”

“I understand.” He whispers against your head, leaning his cheek there. “Is that also why it took you three months to text me?”

“Partly… yeah. I ended up taking care of him until he got discharged, and we decided to just… talk to our parents separately about what happened and what… might happen moving forward. And then I spent some time arranging my thoughts and cleaning up his stuff from my apartment. I haven’t given them back to him, but they’re all in a box in my place. So… yeah. Sorry for not texting you at all.”

He hums and holds you tighter, feels the way your arms are also hugging him in apology. He doesn’t press about your parents, he supposes you would’ve talked about it if you want to. But you’ve just relayed a very emotionally loaded story which must be very exhausting in itself.

“I did tell you to take your time.” He says, a smile blooming into his face at what he says next. “Thank you for coming back to me.”

“Thank you for letting me come back to you.” You say instead, pulling away from him to meet his eyes. Your eyes must be puffy from all the crying, gosh, you seem to be crying all the time when you’ve only seen this guy four times in total. You wonder if you were this much of an emotional wreck too in your past life, but you decide against asking about it because it does not matter now.

Your past lives might be the one that eventually leads you to each other; but Wonwoo has probably had enough stories regarding the past life and you don’t see why you should talk about it when you have the future in front of you.

“They’ve stopped, you know?” Wonwoo suddenly says.

“What have?”

“The dreams.” He presses his lips together and looks at you for comfort, which you readily give as you squeeze his shoulder. “They don’t appear anymore. Like, completely stopped. I do dream of you, but not… you from the past life. Just you.”

“How do you know it’s not me from the past?”

He takes your hand before he answers, gently lifts it up to point at your empty wrist and smiles.

“Because there’s no mark on your wrist.”

“Ah… right.” You lean forward to rest your forehead against his shoulder, and you spend a moment like that: your body pressed against each other and the ghost of his lips on top of your head.

It’s then that you whisper, a little afraid but also hopeful–perhaps even excited at what the future might have in store for you two.

“Are we really doing this?”

“A little too late to not do this, I think.” He jokes, which earns him another hit on the chest and a glare that doesn’t affect him at all. He cups your cheek and looks into your eyes, making you shy from the sudden attention. “If you want it then I want it. Easy as that.”

You press your lips together and bask in his stare, get lost in his eyes as you finally try to let go of the guilt holding you down and focus more on the certainty that you felt that night you tried to convince Wonwoo to do something about your situation.

“I’ll be okay.” Joshua reassured you for the nth time as you dropped him off his place, your second home that you probably wouldn’t be able to visit until an indefinite time. “Don’t worry too much about me, okay? You know how I am.”

“I’m really–”

“I don’t want you to apologize again.” He cuts you off, his voice stern. “I don’t blame you, I really don’t. I’m happy to know you’ve met someone that has made you complete. I’m sorry for not being able to do that to you. It must’ve been hard for you all those time, hm? So try to be happy now. Don’t think too much about me. I will be okay, trust me on that. I’ve never gone back on my words, have I? I don’t regret the time I had with you and I don’t want you to feel guilty for not feeling a certain way.”

“Let’s do it, then?” You say, wanting to make sure like there’s any way Wonwoo would say no. “Fuck the universe, right?”

Wonwoo laughs and gently squishes your cheeks before he nods, his forehead leaning to rest against yours, his breath warm against your face even though his lips aren't touching yours just yet.

“Fuck the universe, indeed.”

It's later that night that you point at the inside of his wrist and gasp when you check yours: identical marks of a twin gingko leaves intertwined with each other adorning your wrist and his.

Wonwoo grins.

His Autumn is finally here.

©wonwoonlight – all rights reserved. I don’t allow any reposting, translation, and any other kind of redistribution of this fic. Please tell me if you’re aware of anyone doing this without my permission.

permanent taglist: @kyeomjjigae @stantrash171819 @sebongmochi @luveveryonewoo @thinkinboutwonu @kpopjackie @ursweetener @lavenderautumnx @itsveronicaxxx @shuahoshiscoups @sunshinein17 @leechanniee @twogyuu @hoe4wonwoo @h3h3tm0n @noraehey @seokshook @rubyhoons @02psh @just-here-to-read-01 @listxn @janandbeyond @pearlygraysky @baekhyunstruly @svtreverie @coveyland @reallydgafaboutmyusername @sysymei @ovai @aikisbbq @fr0g-filez @nvmbheart

pls tell me if you wanna be removed btw it's totally ok, no hard feelings!!

A/N 2: well, if you're reading this, thank you once again!! i have never written this trope before and i honestly can't tell at all if you'll like it or not. but i wrote this for wonwoo's birthday, so hopefully i'll have it in me to accept it if it's not your cup of tea. but anyway, it's been some time since i write anything this long also--didn't even know i had it in me to still write anything this long, and it kinda made me realize that... this might be my last long piece for a quite some time. it's not easy to write this, to see my notifications everyday and see less and less feedbacks while the likes take up 95% of them. i've said it before, but it gets discouraging the more it goes. i'm not announcing hiatus or anything, but i hope you know where my blog stands at this point. happy birthday once again wonwoo, my muse, the loml 🥰💕

#caratwritersclub #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo angst #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #seventeen fic #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenario #seventeen au #wonwoo fluff #wonwoo au #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo imagines #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagines

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robinbuckleysfringe · 2 months

Text

paper rings

a joseph quinn social media au

pairings: joseph quinn x keery!reader

warnings: pronouns for reader vary between she & they, I've tried to keep it as gender neutral as possible even tho I do use female faceclaims

part 1 | part 2 | part 3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*madelyncline has posted*

tagged yninstagram

liked by rudeth, hichasestokes, josephquinn, florencepugh and others

madelyncline surprised my bestie on their trip to LA. happy birthday flower 🌼

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madelyncline photo creds for the 1st pic to @/rachelzegler who helped set up the best birthday surprise

> madelyncline and of course photo creds to @/rudeth for the 3rd photo of me and my bestie goofing around on set

yninstagram aww, thank you maddie 🫶🏻❤️. love you and can't wait for more onset chaos soon!! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

yninstagram and thank you to rach for somehow keeping this whole thing a secret 🫶🏻❤️

> rachelzegler happy birthday babes. love you big time 😘🫶🏻

maya_hawke happy day of birth to the best on screen girlfriend ❤️❤️

> yninstagram love you maya!! 🫶🏻❤️

joekeery you're old now, happy birthday y/n

> yninstagram shut up. 26 isn't old 😤

josephquinn happy birthday y/n xx

> yninstagram thanks joe. come to LA soon so we can hang before I leave for Charleston!!! xx

hichasestokes happy birthday 🌼

> yninstagram 🫶🏻

gatenm123 happy birthday y/n. thanks for being the best on screen sister ❤️

> yninstagram aww, love you gaten. miss you already 🫶🏻❤️

florencepugh happy birthday babes!! have the best day, you deserve it!! 💕💕

> yninstagram love you flo!! 💕💕

zendaya happy birthday y/n, miss you!! x

> yninstagram thanks hun. miss you too!! xx

user omg happy birthday y/n!!!

user their friendship >>>>>>>> everything else

user does this mean we're getting OBX3 soon??!!!

> yninstagram soon!! I promise as soon as we get a date, you fans will be the first to know!!

☆☆☆

y/nupdates | Y/N spotted getting all cosy with her stranger things costar, Joseph Quinn, in LA this week

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user omg are they together??

user they're so cute together oh my gosh!!!

user omg new ship???

> user2 yes!!!! what would their ship name be tho??

user I wonder if they're dating

> user2 I wouldn't be surprised if they were tbh

> user3 thought y/n was dating Rudy Pankow, her OBX costar, no?

> user that was just a rumour I think. neither of them confirmed anything

user have you seen the way he looks at them?? someone get me a man who looks at me like joe looks at y/n 🥺🥺🥺

user they'd make such a cute couple if they're not already dating

> user2 so true!!!

user omg I hope its true that they're dating. but even if they're not and they're just friends, that's cool too. they should be allowed to be happy regardless

> user2 THIS ^^^^

☆☆☆

*yninstagram has posted*

tagged obx, madisonbaileybabe, madelyncline, hichasestokes, jonathandavissofficial, carlaciagrant & rudeth

liked by josephquinn, rachelzegler, joekeery, drewstarkey and others

yninstagram we are so back baby!!! season 3 of the beach show is officially in production!! 🏖🫶🏻❤️

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user OMG YES!!! CANT WAIT FOR THIS SEASON!!

user I've been waiting for this one!!!

millybobbybrown girl, isn't this like your 5th project in a row or something? pls take a break

> yninstagram my 3rd. but yeah, I hear you. I'm taking a long ass holiday after we wrap this season

> millybobbybrown I bet you're exhausted

> nattyiceofficial y/n, hun, please make sure you're resting xx

> yninstagram love you guys 🫶🏻🫶🏻

obx P4L!!!

> yninstagram P4L bby!!!

josephquinn good luck with your next project, you busy bee 🐝 xx

> yninstagram haha thanks joe xx

rachelzegler I love seeing you win at life but pls come back to LA, Lenny misses you 🥺🫶🏻

> yninstagram I miss you too!! come to Charleston!!! 🥺🫶🏻🫶🏻

> rachelzegler getting on a plane rn

> yninstagram bitch, you better be 🫶🏻

☆☆☆

been a few weeks since I posted part one of this little series, apologies for that. hope you enjoyed reading this chapter 🩷

#joseph quinn x reader #joe keery x sister!reader #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #joseph quinn #joseph quinn imagine #joe keery #outer banks #obx cast

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hischierswhore · 1 year

Note

Hi love 😊 could I request an instagram au with mason with the face claim Alicia Breuer where mason and her have been dating for a while and this one shows like a year in their life

you know, things like birthdays, anniversary, holiday, etc on ig

a year in the life insta au (m. mount)

faceclaim: alicia breuer

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yourusername

liked by masonmount, yourbff & 118,026 others

yourusername there are so many beautiful love stories, but ours is my favorite!! happy 5th anniversary, masonmount 💕💕💕

view all 27,039 comments

masonmount happy anniversary, love💕💕💕

natisdelusional god… i see what you do for others…

y/n&masefan IT’S BEEN 5 YEARS ALREADY ?!?!?

yourbff i spy 2 Taylor references in the caption 🤭

cartiamallan 🥹🥹🥹

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

masonmount

liked by yourusername, cmpulisic & 302,947 others

masonmount happy birthday to the love of my life 💕 i hope that you have the absolute best day. you deserve the absolute best because you are amazing. you mean so much to me and i really appreciate you. i’ve spent a little over 5 years with you and being with you has made me the happiest i've ever been. happy birthday again, my love. i love you 💕💕

tagged: yourusername

view all 59,284 comments

yourusername mase🥹 thank you so much, i love you endlessly 💕

masonmount i love you more than you could possibly imagine

cmpulisic happy birthday Y/n!!!

yourusername thanks chris!

chelseafc Happy Birthday, Y/n!!!

sophiaaemelia happy birthday to my fave girly everrrr

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yourusername & masonmount

liked by benchilwell, yourbestfriend & 206,837 others

yourusername & masonmount meet me under the mistletoe ;)

view all 39,074 comments

chelseafc happy holidays!!!

masonmount i see one thing wrong with the 2nd picture

yourusername ???

masonmount i should’ve gotten you some socks 🤦‍♂️

y/n&maselover my parents omg 🥹

masonfan19 the best couple idc

natisdelusional hey god… it’s me again….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

yourusername

liked by masonmount, cmpulisic & 184,037 others

yourusername on this day 25 years ago, my bestfriend was born. not only is he my best friend, but he is the love of my life, my soulmate & my other half. Mason, i’ve spent 5 amazing years with you, and i know for a fact i want to spent the rest of my life with you. you have brought so much joy & happiness to my life, so cheers to another year of us laughing at our own jokes and keeping each other happy. i am beyond proud of you for everything you’ve done so far, and i can’t wait to see what the future holds for both you & us. happy birthday, mase. i love you with my whole heart💙

view all 74,937 comments

masonmount thank you so much, love💕

chelseafc happy birthday to our star boy 💙

masonfan19 and what if i burst into tears rn🧍🏻‍♀️

y/n&masefan THERE ARE TEARS BEING SHED

yourfan17 why cant i have what they have

natisdelusional ya know… the freeway is looking rlly nice rn….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#✎ natalie writes #mason mount #mason mount fluff #mason mount x you #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount fanfic #mason mount imagine

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mrsbakashi · 1 year

Note

Hi. I hope you're still taking request. Can I request 😤 headcanons for kakashi and fem!reader from the emoji prompt? I hope you have a nice day 😘

hi, chii! bet you didn't remember you had requested this, but i finally wrote it! and i hope you like it 💕

😤: a jealousy headcanon - kakashi

kakashi takes pride in not being jealous. he’s usually rational and never lets his emotions get the best of him – even when and if he feels jealous, for whatever reason, he’s strong enough not to do anything about it;

there are a few times he can’t be much rational, though, and of course, they all involve you;

it was ridiculous, because you two weren’t dating, and you were nothing but friends — no, not even that; you were simple colleagues, acquaintances or whatever. and that was the reason you were so damn angry all the time. because you had all that energy, all that longing for him and nowhere to put it. your whole body aching to be close to him, and you having to deal with seeing him every day without throwing yourself at him, and it's been like that for years now;

you felt like a teenager to be honest, with the stares from across the room, the lingering touches, the racy heart when his name was mentioned — and he had to know. he had to. and he did. and that’s where the problem lived.

kakashi liked you. he cared deeply about you, you were his first thought in the morning and last thought at night, and he wasn’t stupid or oblivious, he had noticed how you blushed whenever you two talked, how you laughed harder trying to get his attention when you were in the same room, and the way your eyes were always on him when you thought he couldn’t see you – he knew, and he wished he could do something about it, but he couldn’t.

you see, kakashi had lost everyone he had ever cared for, and he knew that the destiny of the people that he let in wasn’t good – they either ended up dead or hurt, and it was unfair to put someone through that when he could easily prevent that from happening.

kakashi knew you deserved better – you were too lovely to be stuck with someone like him. you lit up any room you entered, lightened up the mood, made everyone feel at ease, no matter what they were going through, and he was no exception to that power of yours. he cherished you, loved being around you. you were like this giant ball of sunshine, warmth and happiness, and it was impossible to feel unhappy around you. but he knew you deserved better. you deserved an actual chance at being happy, so he’d keep the distance and only enjoy your presence by far.

what he didn’t know, of course, was that you had no interest in anyone else whatsoever – and who was to blame you? who was better than the freaking copynin? no one. that’s why you had your mind set on proving he was the one you wanted.

you knew why he was reluctant; it was obvious, and it broke your heart to know that he felt this way, but that only made you feel more determined. you weren’t lucky, but you sure was fierce, and you knew he had to like you, at least a little tiny tiny bit, you felt it! and yes, you could be wrong, but sometimes life is about taking risks.

it was at a party that it all went down. anko’s birthday party.

people drinking, singing, dancing, loud music, colorful lights and probably more people than the place could and should fit. it seemed like everyone was there; not a single soul was missing – even kakashi was there. you knew he probably came with gai and he would stay for about ten minutes and then leave when he thought no one else was paying attention, as usual. but maybe tonight could go a little different;

you were wearing a little tiny red dress you had bought with kurenai two weeks ago for this exact party, your head straight into the mission of making it impossible for kakashi to take his eyes off of you — and from the way you saw him looking at you the second you walked through the door, mission accomplished;

you wanted to talk to him, but didn’t want to seem too desperate, and you didn’t know how long you were supposed to wait before approaching him casually and ask about his day and if he was enjoying the party, but you figured a few minutes should do.

so you would see who was around, drink something, recognize which song was playing, maybe watch him from the corner where you were pretty sure he couldn’t see you... and then someone popped into your field of vision and touched your arm. “hey, beautiful”.

you replied with a polite smile and the man invited you to dance – you figured there was no harm in dancing a little, in fact it would be better, giving you a little more time to stay away from kakashi and then act like you didn’t come to the party because of him only. i mean, happy birthday anko and all, sure, but let’s be real.

so you followed the man to the dance floor with a careful smile never leaving your face, then it all happened at once, but in slow motion at the same time – the man placed his hands on your hips and pulled you close, almost too close in your opinion, but he was harmless, you thought. you moved your hips to the beat of the song when you felt his left hand snaking through your body, and then there was another hand circling your wrist and pulling you away from that man’s grip. “sorry, i need to talk to her, it’s urgent” kakashi excused himself while the man nodded;

kakashi held your hand firmly as you walked through the sea of people and headed to the back of the club, away from the noise, ending up in the parking lot.

“is everything okay?” you asked, alarmed by his unusual acting

“yeah, just... give me a second.”

you remained silent, even though there were a million questions bubbling on your mind – and about half of them started with “will you please kiss me?”.

kakashi’s eyes wandered through the whole parking lot before stopping on you, and he watched you carefully as he said “i’m sorry”.

you had no idea why he was apologizing, but you started to say your automatic response to the words ‘i’m sorry’, which were “no, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.” you regretted the words the second they left your lips, because now you missed the chance to ask what he was sorry for.

but none of you moved. instead, you stayed there, staring at each other, in that awkward silence filled by the distant sounds that came from the club.

“a-are you okay?” you asked again, finally breaking the unbearable silence.

“i should be, right?”

“oh, kashi, what’s wrong?” there was authentic concern in your voice, enough to make kakashi feel even worse.

he shook his head. “i pulled you away from him, and i was filled with this urge, as if i had any right to- and i didn’t. i don’t. i’m sorry.”

“no, it’s okay, don’t worry ab... wait, i’m sorry, what?”

“you see, i can handle a lot, but seeing someone else’s hands all over your body isn’t on the list. and the way he was looking at you, and this damn dress, and i just..." he took a deep breath before continuing, "i’m sorry, ok? let’s just go back inside. i didn’t mean to ruin the party for you”

“wait” you open a smile at the sudden realization. “you were jealous.”

kakashi snorted, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

“you were, weren’t you?”

“yes. now let’s go back inside.”

“why? so i can dance with other men and have their hands all over my body until you pull me back to this parking lot?”

“that’s not happening again, i already said i’m sorry.”

“no, it’s okay, don’t worry abo- damn it!!”

you heard Kakashi chuckle and that put a big smile on your face.

“i don’t want to go back inside.”

kakashi closed his eyes, realizing he now would have to deal with the consequences of his own actions. if he could go back in time, he would have left the party the second you passed through the front door with that ridiculously sexy dress. there would be no trouble. he wouldn’t have seen that man’s hands on your body, he wouldn’t have pulled you away, he wouldn’t be with you in this parking lot now, admitting to you he was jealous while you had too much fun with the fact and he fought the urge to have his own hands all over your body. now he had to convince you to go back to the party and completely avoid you for the rest of his life because now you knew he had feelings for you. fuck.

“it’s your call, but i think anko might be missing your presence.” he tried.

“uh, i highly doubt that. but even if it were true, i’d rather be here with you.”

kakashi sighed.

“look,” you touched his hand to get his attention “i know you’re probably struggling internally right now because you want me to go away and i don’t want to go away – also, i will not go away -, and i know you feel guilty and cursed because of what happened in the past, but-"

“please-”

“i was there!" you interrupted him before he could start his 'go away' speech. "i was there and i saw you! it was impossible to get to you. it still is! i’ve been trying for forever to reach you! and you can’t tell me to get lost or that i don’t know anything, because i. was. there. and i’m not just some random girl. i saw you. i see you.”

he tried to say something, but there was nothing in his mind that fit the situation. he spent years pushing people away, to the point everyone developed a new dynamic to interact with him, and they were all used to it. kakashi was never around much; kakashi was always on missions; kakashi was always reading something instead of talking to people. and no one ever said anything about it, not even gai. and it wasn’t because they didn’t care, but it was because kakashi vanished at the slightest mention of his past. but when you said it, it wasn’t like that. it made him feel cared for, a feeling he thought he’d never feel again.

“it wasn’t your fault. and you deserve love. you deserve it, damn it!”

you were looking into his eye, and for the first time in forever, kakashi felt seen. it was like you could see everything that was in his soul and more. and you had never looked so beautiful. so, before he had time to think and regret, he pulled his mask down and kissed you with all the yearning and aching he had been holding, like you were the answer to all of his problems, the light he didn’t know he had been longing for. and he didn’t stop, not when you smiled and unwillingly broke the kiss, and definitely not when you let out a little moan and ran your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer while you stood on your tiptoes.

“wow!” you blurted, the biggest smile on your face when he finally broke the kiss, only so you two could get some air.

kakashi didn’t let go of you; his hands were still holding you in place by the waist, forehead resting against yours, his breath mixing with yours. he wouldn’t let you go. now that he finally had you, he wouldn’t let you go.

“i hadn’t seen this handsome face in a long time…” you cupped his face, and he leaned in at the touch. “hi.”

“hi.” he smiled, like he was greeting a very old friend, which he was in fact. it had been easy to forget how close you two were in the past, before it all happened, before he shut down.

you kissed him again, just to make sure he was really there, and he was – there, kissing you back. it was like a dream, like one of the many you’ve had before. you’d be so pissed if you’d wake up in half an hour alone in bed, with only the memory of the dream to get you through the day.

“so, um, i guess we should go back inside now. i think someone probably noticed we both have disappeared...” you said as you reached his hand with yours, intertwining your fingers, ready to walk back to the club.

“i don’t know how to put this in a polite way, but i don’t give a shit.”

his words caught you off guard and you laughed harder than you should’ve.

“no, you don’t understand, mr. hatake” you continued, “i still have to dance with at least three other men.”

his grip on your waist got tighter.

“i don’t want to be this kind of guy, but i don’t care if you promised to dance with three other men or with the hokage himself, you’re not going.”

“oh, no, but it’s very important!” you pleaded, trying to hold a laugh. “please!”

“y/n, what’s going on?”

“nothing, it’s just that since you were jealous and we’ve established that you now have, in fact, the right to do whatever you feel like… i was just wondering what would your jealous self do to me this time, if you caught me in another man's arms...” you bit your lower lip, looking up at him from behind your lashes.

kakashi let out a crooked smile as he pulled you even closer. "i have a pretty good idea how that would go."

guess you were about to find out.

kakashi's taglist: @smutteedreams @justmyownreality @nightingaleflow @allyallygator @thetimelesschild @jyotsna-d @rocknrollsoul76 @crimsonxuchiha @hellogec @savsxz @slut-4sasuke

fill this out to join my taglist

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patchworkgargoyle · 1 year

Text

you are all my symmetry 💕

Happy birthday to the fantastic, hilarious, talented, and wonderful @steves-strapcollection 💖💖💖 It's been such a delight having you as my friend, I hope you enjoy this very fluffy and smutty celebration in your honour! You deserve all of it and more.

Many, many thanks to @scarcrossdlvrs and @sidekick-hero for your cheerleading and excellent beta skills!!

Pairing: Steddissy || Rating: E || CW: PWP, unsafe sex, Dom/sub undertones || Words: ~5.6k || Ao3

It started like most good ideas: as a joke.

Eddie groaned and let his head fall on the back of the couch, wincing when the worn down cushion did nothing to protect his skull. “I just don’t get it! It’s cuffing season. I wanna get cuffed!” His hands flailed in the air before landing on Chrissy’s thighs with a slap that made her jump.

“Ow,” she grumbled, and he gave her an apologetic look where she was tucked up against the arms of both the couch and Steve.

“I just can’t believe you’re both still single,” Steve said.

Eddie snorted. “Me? I believe it.” Though he’d said it quietly, both Steve and Chrissy smacked his arm.

“Don’t say that, Eddie. You’re a catch, that asshole wasn’t worth your time.” Chrissy took his hand in hers, her Christmas-themed manicure sparkling in contrast to his usual chipped black polish. Every time he looked at their hands together he was amazed at how small Chrissy’s were.

While what she said might’ve been true, it gets pretty fucking demoralizing when each and every person before him hadn’t been “worth his time” either. Eddie couldn’t seem to get past a second date, unless they were hitting him up for a booty call, and god, he was tired of that too. He was craving more. Something like this, but–

But not like this this. He told himself the answer didn’t lie in Chrissy’s soft hand in his and Steve’s thigh warm along his own. Or in the way Chrissy relaxed across both their laps while Steve stretched his arm across the back of the couch to touch Eddie’s shoulder. No matter what his stupid, traitorous little heart thought. Because they were friends.

“You’re a catch too, Chris,” Eddie said instead of what was actually on his mind. Her shy smile in reply made his heart skip.

“Exactly,” Steve said definitively, “you’re both great. Gorgeous, funny, smart. I don’t understand why neither of you are taken yet.”

Chrissy raised a teasing eyebrow at him. “Says the guy who’s also currently single.”

“Yeah, well.” His fingers fidgeted with a loose thread on their shared couch. Eddie remembered the day he and Steve hauled it home from the thrift store because Robin took the old one when she moved in with Vickie. Turns out, moving furniture in the middle of summer was hell, and not at all because seeing Steve’s hair fall into his face and stick to his sweaty forehead drove Eddie a bit insane. Not at all.

“I’m not looking right now, I think,” Steve finished.

Taking a hit from his joint, Eddie let his thoughts collect while the smoke sat in his lungs. On the exhale, he said through the smoke, “Maybe Chris and I should stop looking too. Don’t they say something about that?” The two confused expressions levelled at him made Eddie shrug. “I dunno, something about love happening when you’re not looking for it or least expect it or some shit.”

Steve’s lips pursed in a thoughtful–or possibly a more confused–frown as he nodded slowly. “Sure…”

“That’d be nice,” Chrissy sighed wistfully. Her head tilted, landing on Steve’s shoulder, and he squeezed her closer.

Eddie watched as two of his best friends and the most gorgeous people he knew curled up into each other. They looked so good together it was almost unfair, like the sun and the stars, and Eddie’s chest ached like a greedy black hole. He saw how they looked at each other sometimes. Glances taken when they thought no one was watching. Eddie watched, though, even when he didn’t want to, often didn’t realise when he did. Maybe now that they were both single they’d finally get together like he always thought they would. The thought left a sour swirling in Eddie’s gut that he mentally berated himself for.

He would be happy for them if they became a couple. Truly, he would. That churning jealousy could go fuck itself. In an effort to smoke it out, Eddie took another hit.

Fingers tapped on his shoulder, so Eddie passed the joint to Steve at his wordless demand. Chrissy nicked it from Steve’s fingers after he was done and wrapped her pretty lips around the filter. Quietly they sat in their collective haze of smoke and sluggish thoughts while sinking further into the couch. Until Steve took a deep breath, then giggled.

“I could help, y’know. With your dry spells.” He stared at Chrissy, then Eddie, then wiggled his brows twice with a dopey smirk.

Eddie barked a laugh while Chrissy giggled, but Eddie couldn’t deny that the idea was tempting. He didn’t have the mental fortitude to shove those not-exactly-friend-shaped feelings away like usual, blooming in his chest when he couldn’t bury it. Fuck. The images were… sexy, all the ones that he tried to ignore late at night with his fingers on or in himself. He coughed to hide the rising flush in his face.

“You’re funny, man,” Eddie said, rolling his eyes and hoping the butterflies died an inglorious death.

“Hey, I mean it. Come knock on my door if you guys get desperate enough.” Steve had a clearly fake salacious look on his face, sending them all into fits of laughter again until Chrissy started talking about their Christmas plans, the previous topic all but forgotten.

Or that’s what Eddie thought.

The next few weeks were, well, interesting. Eddie kept catching himself looking more often, watching Steve and Chrissy. Whether they went out in a rush to find last minute presents or try to scrounge up party decorations for the New Years bash they’d been strong-armed into hosting, Eddie couldn’t stop being drawn to his friends more than usual. Like that black hole in his chest had a gravitational pull.

He bumped shoulders with Steve more, or whacked him with the back of his hand; really, Eddie found any excuse he could to just touch him more. Or make him laugh.

Eddie told a joke–a pun awful enough that it’d make even Dustin groan–and Steve laughed, a full on head-tilting-back, echoing guffaw that made Eddie’s insides light up like fireworks with delight. Time felt like it slowed down. He could see the snowflakes catching on Steve’s long lashes, the rosiness on his cheeks that was probably just from the chill in the air all while bundled up in a soft, navy blue scarf Eddie had given him a few years ago. It was devastating.

He flitted around Chrissy like a moth to a flame–or, more like a gentle bedside lamp. Darted in to sweep her up in a big hug and spin her around, or made funny faces that made her let out those chime-like giggles of hers.

When they’d wandered through Millenium Park, Chrissy gasped at the giant glimmering tree that they set up every year, her awed “Wow” so precious he ached with the need to wrap her in his arms and bury his face in her neck. Eddie hated the holidays, but her wonder and joy at every single part of it made him want to be less of a Grinch. It didn’t hurt that she looked so beautiful with the lights sparkling in her blue eyes and her hair a little mussed from the wind.

God, Eddie wanted them so badly. It was like Steve’s words had turned Eddie’s guilty, furtive desires up to eleven.

And while he noticed all of that, he also saw that Steve and Chrissy were watching each other as well.

It makes sense. Steve has mentioned a few times how pretty he thinks Chrissy is, and she’d joked with Eddie about how hot Steve looks at the gym. They yell about their sports, and work out together while bitching about their least favourite professors, and rave about the same music; so, of course, they’d be a great couple. Eddie’s the odd one out, as is his niche. Though the growing jealousy gnaws at his bones, he’s determined to face their inevitable getting-together with endless support and happiness. He’ll get over the dark, selfish parts of himself eventually.

What Eddie doesn’t notice, amongst all his observations, is that sights have been set on him, too.

The holidays came and went in a blur. Eddie visited Wayne over Christmas, a quiet affair with just the two of them. Like every year they gave each other weird novelty mugs–Eddie’s, a bat hanging upside down that says I’m Fruity; Wayne’s, a remix of Women Want Me, Fish Fear Me so ridiculous Wayne nearly dropped it while cackling–and a few other gifts. He practically lived in the soft, deep green sweater Wayne gave him, and that Steve and Chrissy gushed over when he sent a selfie to their group chat. The pics he got in return, of Steve beaming with Robin, and Chrissy equally happy with her grandparents’ ancient dog, made Eddie grin so wide Wayne shook his head with an all too knowing roll of his eyes.

Steve stayed with Vickie and Robin at the Buckley’s house, and Chrissy visited her grandparents down south, so they all got some distance. Breathing room. It wasn’t like Steve’s offer was serious. They were all high, and lonely during one of those times of year when anyone who’s single feels at least a twinge of yearning. Eddie, personally, blames the Hallmark shit that gets shovelled down their throats, even though Chrissy and Steve both glare at him when he rants about it.

He knew he was right, anyway.

By the time Eddie got home he figured he’d gotten over the feelings that had been winding their sticky tendrils throughout his rib cage. He dragged his luggage and weary feet up the narrow stairs of their third-floor walk up, looking forward to collapsing on his bed after a seemingly endless flight, and let himself in with a grateful sigh.

“Honey, I’m home!” he warbled. Soft laughter from the living room greeted him, and when he glanced over he saw Chrissy and Steve cuddled up on the couch.

“Which one of us is honey?” Steve asked with a wink that made Eddie’s face heat and his heart sink to his toes. So it happened. They were together. Cool. Shit. Great. He could improv when D&D went off plan, he could handle this.

“Whichever one of you is sweeter,” he replied, though even Eddie could tell his heart wasn’t in it.

“I think you’re both pretty sweet.”

Chrissy’s tone made Eddie pause. She said it slowly, syrupy, and just suggestively enough to make his face blush even more. Fumbling through getting his boots off, Eddie let out a reedy laugh. “Well shucks, Chris,” was all he could think to reply with.

“How was your flight?” Steve asked.

“Oh, y’know, nothing more luxurious than economy seats on a Delta flight. Really the pinnacle of air travel. I could write a song to the beat of the kid kicking my seat.” Eddie flung his keys into the bowl by the door and started for his room.

They both laughed with sympathetic smiles. “Sorry man.” Steve nodded at the TV, before looking back to Eddie. “Do you wanna watch a movie with us, celebrate being home?”

Chrissy nodded encouragingly. “Please, Eddie? We missed you.”

The way they looked at him made something ping in the back of Eddie’s mind, something that had him wanting to run. “Uhh, nah, I think I’m gonna hit the hay. Really tuckered out. Enjoy the movie though, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” He winced internally at his stupid choice of words and scurried off to his room without another glance at the couple.

Shutting the door with a sigh, he leaned against it and wished he could let his head thunk on the wood. Maybe a few times, just to knock the irritating turmoil out of his brain. Lacking that option, he chose to unpack, giving his nervous energy something to do while he corralled his stupid pining. Through the slamming of his dresser drawers and the woosh of clothes slammed into his laundry basket, Eddie didn’t hear the discussion going on in the living room, nor the pair of footsteps approaching his door until a polite knock sounded.

He paused. Waited. Worried. Then, through the door:

“Eddie? Sorry, we just. Um. We wanna talk to you?”

While Eddie could be a stubborn bastard at times, he could never resist Chrissy when she sounded like that, concerned and hopeful. He could imagine her puppy dog eyes, pretty and pleading, after years of them being wielded against him for the last of whatever treat they’d been sharing. Swallowing, he walked over and opened the door.

Their relief was obvious. Steve’s shoulders lowered and Chrissy beamed. “Hey,” she said softly.

“What can I do for you fine folks?” he replied.

Steve looked at Chrissy for a moment, then back to Eddie when she nodded. This was it. Eddie braced himself for the news of a happy new couple, drew up the remains of his energy and prepared to shower them in excitement and encouragement while trying to desperately hold the leash of the snapping, ravenous maw of jealousy inside him.

“Do you remember my offer?”

Eddie frowned. Huh? Steve had texted him about getting take-out before Eddie got home, but he’d slammed back a sandwich before the flight. That couldn’t be–

Oh.

Sputtering, Eddie said, “Wait, y-you mean that offer?” They nodded, and Eddie could only blink.

“You don’t have to, of course. Chrissy and I talked yesterday, though, and–”

“And you’re including me?!”

Chrissy giggled. “Of course we are. Steve did proposition both of us. And…” She turned shy, fidgeting with her nails. She’d gotten them re-done for New Years in black and gold and, Eddie noticed with a flash of heat, the nails of her index and middle fingers were both left short. “We both want you to join us if you’re comfortable. We wanted to ease you into it I guess, but you just looked kinda…”

“Bummed out.”

She snorted and gave Steve’s chest a very light smack. “Steve.”

“What?” he complained.

Struggling a little, Eddie blurted out the first thing that came to mind. “I thought you’d already started fucking.”

They both blushed a little, while Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “No, we waited for you.”

Eddie mouthed the word waited. They waited for Eddie to get home so he and Chrissy could take Steve up on his offer and, and–fuck each other? Had he entered the horniest Twilight Zone ever? Had the plane crashed and he’d landed in a coma with his best wet dream playing? On a whim, Eddie pinched himself and hissed when it hurt. Steve took Eddie’s hand away from his arm with a roll of his eyes.

“You’re not dreaming.” He said it so evenly, confidently, that Eddie had no choice but to believe him. Then Steve wound their fingers together and started tracing his free hand up Eddie’s arm, leaving sparks in his wake. “We want this, with you. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I offered, honestly.”

Chrissy took Eddie’s other hand, turned it over in her delicate grip and brushed her fingertips along the sensitive skin of his palm. His knees, surprisingly, didn’t buckle when she gazed at him through her lashes. His knees deserved a fucking trophy. “I haven’t either,” she said.

“Holy shit,” Eddie mumbled eloquently. How else was he expected to respond when his two absolutely fucking stunning friends just told him they wanted to have sex with him? Every bit of tiredness left his body at the thought. He felt like he might vibrate so hard he’d go into a quantum state and fall through the floor.

When he took too long to respond, they started pulling their hands away, but Eddie stopped them with a fumbling grasp. “No, no wait. Holy shit. You’re serious.”

Steve’s hopeful smile turned leisurely sinful. Stepping closer, he replied in a low tone Eddie had heard snatches of through their shared, thin wall, “Dead serious, baby,” and Eddie shivered.

“We can talk more about it, if you want,” Chrissy said as she laid a demure hand on Eddie’s chest. “There’s no rush.”

He shook his head fast enough to send his curls flying. “God no. Fuck, I haven’t stopped thinking about it either. It’s been driving me up the wall. Like, you can’t just go and waggle your eyebrows at us like you did and say that shit and then do nothing about it for weeks and then expect me to wait–”

“Eddie. Shh.” Slowly, Chrissy’s hand slid up to Eddie’s neck, her fingers curling around the back of it while she stared at him with a desire he’d never seen directed at him before. His mouth snapped shut. “I don’t want to wait either. I want to kiss you.”

“Fuck yes,” he breathed, then ducked down to capture her lips in a heated kiss. Freeing the hand she held, Eddie wrapped it around her waist and pulled her close, earning a small sound of surprise. She tasted sweet, like lingering hot chocolate, the softness of her lips addicting.

She was so small compared to Eddie. If it weren’t for the steely command in her voice when she told him she wanted to kiss, he’d almost be tempted to wrap her up and worship her like the princess she deserved to be. The way she gripped his sweater and yanked him closer, though, told him he was in for a very different ride.

There was a slight tickle at the hem of Eddie’s sweater. Steve’s hand started to sneak under the soft wool, his blunt nails scratching softly along Eddie’s pale skin and making him shudder deliciously at the feeling. Steve was a solid presence beside them. Drawn to him, Eddie leaned a little of his weight against Steve’s body, delighted in the way Steve returned the gesture, holding Eddie up as he began to nuzzle Eddie’s hair.

“Missed you so much,” Steve rumbled as Chrissy broke away from Eddie with a soft moan. From that point on Eddie refused to give his doubts any more room. Even if this was the one and only chance he got, he’d take it now and leave the consequences for later, no matter how risky. Without hesitation, he turned and met Steve’s waiting lips and revelled in the hum he pulled from Steve’s chest. It wasn’t long at all before Eddie felt Steve’s tongue against the seam of his lips, and hungrily he parted them, letting their tongues slide together in a way that turned filthy so quickly.

Eddie wanted to float away on cloud nine and drag them both into his bed immediately. Given that only one of these things was even possible, the decision was easily made. Groaning, Eddie pulled back and said, “If I don’t get you both in bed right the fuck now, I’m throwing a tantrum.”

“Then move, you goof,” Chrissy said, shoving him, and Eddie grinned wolfishly as he guided them both further into the mess that was his bedroom.

Stepping right on his clothes without a care, Eddie, Steve, and Chrissy all pushed and pulled each other to Eddie’s bed. Laughter and kisses followed as they couldn’t keep their hands off one another. Chrissy tripped on a hidden shoe and ended up against Steve’s chest, and he swooped in to pepper messy kisses to her cheeks before licking into her mouth. And fuck, wasn’t that a sight.

Eddie needed them all to get naked, and he needed it now. He started tugging at their shirts to distract them, or grab their attention, anything to get this started. When they looked up, he wiggled his eyebrows like Steve had all those weeks ago and whipped off his shirt. “C’mon, let’s go!” he said at the sight of their slightly dazed expressions.

From there it was a whirlwind of clothes flying. Belts flopped to the floor, zippers unzipped, and underwear was lost amongst the mess as it was flung away in their enthusiasm. Eddie flopped across his bed, panting after having Steve’s greedy hands all over him as soon as Eddie had shed his jeans. To either side, Chrissy and Steve descended, hands pawing and limbs tangling. Eddie was overwhelmed in the best, most exquisite way. Steve had a possessive arm around his waist while Chrissy’s thighs wrapped around one of Eddie’s. Steve delved down to Eddie’s mouth, devouring the whine that escaped his lips as Chrissy’s teeth grazed one of his nipples.

He tried to keep up, he really did. Eddie wedged his free thigh between Steve’s and ground it upwards, smirking when he heard Steve’s breath hitch and felt how wet and hot his cunt was against his leg.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Eddie groaned. “How the hell are you both here?”

“Someday we’re going to make you see yourself how we do,” Chrissy threatened.

Honestly, Eddie believed in this moment that they could convince him that the sky was purple. Having them in his arms, naked, kissing him, kissing each other, felt like a fucking miracle. He’d believe anything they told him right then.

After some moments of slowly, deliciously rocking together, starting to learn each other’s tells and buttons, biting gently at newly discovered freckles and supple swells of skin, Steve guided them to lie on the bed properly.

“What do you need tonight?” he asked them both.

“I, um,” Chrissy looked down at one of Eddie’s tattoos. She’d been tracing it with the tip of her finger and making Eddie shiver under her touch. “I’ve always fantasised about riding one of you.”

Both men’s breath hitched as the words registered.

“Do you want me to grab my strap?” Steve offered.

“Do you want to get up?” she asked, and he shook his head ruefully.

“Don’t wanna miss anything, honestly. But I’ve got an idea.”

Following Steve’s direction, Chrissy stood up while Eddie stretched out along the messed up sheets, taking a few deep breaths in the hopes of controlling himself. If he came before Chrissy and Steve did he’d never let himself live it down. But, fuck, it was hard when they were so fucking hot, climbing into position over him.

Steve let Chrissy go first with a gentlemanly hand gesture. Giggling, she swung up onto Eddie’s hips and hovered over his leaking cock. The mischievous grin that graced her lips was all the warning he got before she took him in hand and slid his head between her folds. Eddie whined at her teasing.

“Chris, please, wanna be inside you, please,” he babbled, his hips jolting when he felt his dick nearly slip into her alluring heat. “C’mon, c’mon.”

“He’s so pretty when he begs,” Steve mused. He tilted his head as he looked down at them, reaching out to trail his fingers down Eddie’s tense, twitching stomach.

“He is,” she agreed. “Maybe next time we could explore it more.”

Eddie inhaled sharply, his eyes flying open. “Next time?”

“Yeah, of course.” Chrissy stopped her teasing and sat down on Eddie’s thighs. “You–did you think this was a one-time thing?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I kinda did. I thought this was just, like, getting it out of our systems. Clearing the air.”

Steve tucked a strand of curls back behind Eddie’s ear, his expression closed off despite the tender touch. “Is that what you want?”

Anxiety made his heart clench, but he figured this was as good a time as any to admit to the bullshit that had been driving him insane, and not just in the weeks leading up to this.

“Fuck no. I want more. If, if you want that, too. I think it’d kill me if this was it for us. A-and not just sex.” Eddie propped himself up on his elbows, nervously chewing on his bottom lip. “I wanna go on dates. I want picnics in the park where people wonder what we’ve got, and fancy dinner dates, all that romantic shit because I’ve turned into a sap in my old age.”

Twin gleaming, relieved smiles shone down at him. Chrissy squeezed his hip, and Steve pulled Eddie in for the softest kiss any of them had shared that night. When he pulled away, Steve said, “You know I’m the king of romantic shit. I can’t wait to wine and dine you.” He took Chrissy’s hand in his. “Both of you. I’m gonna show you off, make people so jealous.”

Steve leaned over and kissed Chrissy softly too, and Eddie’s heart swelled at the sight. How he’d gotten so fucking lucky he’d never know. He already loved them both as friends, and the shift into something else was as earth-shattering as it was perfectly natural. Judging by the heartbreakingly tender expressions Chrissy and Steve wore when they parted and faced him, they seemed to feel the same way. Desire surged and burned like a bonfire in Eddie, for both of them. He needed them both. Now.

“Chrissy. Please,” he begged breathlessly. With a frantic nod, she sat up again, lined up Eddie’s cock, and sank down slowly with a delicious gasp. Eddie hissed, eyes screwed shut, as each rock of her hips brought him deeper into her heat.

“Open your eyes, Eddie,” Steve said, but Eddie shook his head. He couldn’t, if he watched her he might blow his load too early. But then Steve wove his fingers into Eddie’s sweat-damp hair and tugged, making Eddie buck up into Chrissy and whine. “Watch her. Like you have been for weeks. See how beautiful she is sitting on your cock.”

Swallowing, Eddie opened his eyes, and god, she was fucking perfect. Chrissy’s hair was wild, swept away from her flushed face. Lips parted, she moaned as she finally sank all the way down onto Eddie, clenching around his length as she adjusted to the size of him. Her breasts heaved as she breathed deep and Eddie craved touching them again, wanting to know if she’d squeeze his cock if he pinched and caressed her dusky pink nipples.

“See?” Steve asked. He sounded winded. “Beautiful.”

“Amazing,” Eddie panted.

For a moment Chrissy ducked her head, shy, but took a steadying breath before saying to Steve, “Now you, baby.” Steve climbed up over Eddie’s face, bracing himself on the headboard, and the fucking glorious view that greeted him made his dick twitch. “Oh, he’s excited,” Chrissy giggled.

“He better be,” Steve responded with a smug look down at Eddie.

“Of fucking course I am, I’m about to get ridden within an inch of my life! This is the best goddamn present I could ever ask for.”

“Good answer.”

Eddie watched hungrily as Steve’s cunt came closer. As soon as Eddie could reach, he dove in, dragging his tongue over Steve’s dick and moaning at the taste of his slick. He could feel the groan vibrate through Steve’s body as he licked between his folds, dipping into his hole before going back to his cock, latching on, and sucking.

“Oh fuck.” Steve gripped Eddie’s hair again. “It’s like you’re starved for it. Already pussy drunk, huh, good boy?”

Whimpering, high and desperate, he nodded against Steve’s cunt. He was fucking ravenous. If he could, he’d have his face buried between Steve or Chrissy’s legs for hours, until his lips were raw and his jaw was sore.

Chrissy began to move too, slowly at first, circling her hips in a way that made Eddie’s stomach clench and tremble. When she finally rose up, then down, he met her with a thrust that punched out a high, lovely whimper.

Not wanting to shift Steve, Eddie wrapped his arms around his thighs and held tight as Chrissy picked up her pace. Sheer, hedonistic pleasure surged through Eddie’s body, setting his nerves alight. The tight, slick feeling of fucking into Chrissy, while Steve ground down on Eddie’s clever tongue, the wet sounds of sex filling the room; Eddie wanted to bottle it all up, live in the moment forever, record it on video and watch back the first time he got to feel and taste and savour these two perfectly imperfect people he loved.

Fuck, he loved them. Was in love with them. That, though, was something he’d face later. He was busy right now.

Steve’s hips sped up, moaning as Eddie simply opened his mouth and let Steve ride his tongue, his cock rubbing Eddie’s nose. The hand in his hair tightened, held Eddie in place, and he had never been happier being used for someone else’s pleasure. Chrissy fucked him faster too. It was maddening. He could die here, happily.

The angle of Steve’s hips changed and Eddie opened his eyes to see Chrissy wrapping her arms around Steve’s chest, her fingers skimming his top surgery scars reverently.

They both admired the sight between Steve’s legs. Eddie wondered if what they saw was as mind-blowingly hot as what he saw as he watched one of Chrissy’s hands trail through Steve’s chest hair and downward, until she could get her knuckles around Steve’s dick.

“Look at him watching us,” she said, her voice thin and unsteady.

“He’s so happy being used, isn’t he?” Steve replied. Being talked about like he wasn’t there made the coil of bliss in Eddie’s stomach tighten. Steve also sounded shaky, and Eddie, determined to make it good, memorable, pointed and curled his tongue inside Steve’s cunt while he renewed his thrusts. The desperate sounds he wrung from them both boosted Eddie’s ego, and his efforts. He’d be good for them, make them both crave this again, so next time he could see just how condescending they could be while they railed him until his brains melted.

Chrissy’s moans grew quieter, choked off, her pace starting to falter. Thank fuck, she must be close. And judging by the way Steve was getting louder and louder, his groans and gasps and the desperate way he was bucking down on Eddie's face with more and more slick and spit smeared on Eddie's mouth, he must be too. Their sounds were fucking divine, pushing Eddie to the edge. He dug his nails into Steve’s thighs, hoping they’d leave marks. The hand that had been in Eddie’s hair flew to where Eddie was holding onto Steve possessively. Eddie grasped it back in a bruising grip, his heart soaring when Chrissy’s free hand joined them.

“Chrissy, oh god, mnh, Eddie!” Steve’s thighs started to shake and clench around Eddie’s ears. Tilting his chin, Eddie let Steve take and take and take until he shouted and shook apart on Eddie’s tongue, slick gushing and dripping down Eddie’s chin. Like a good boy, Eddie stayed put, kept his sore and aching tongue in its proper place so Steve could ride out the rest of his orgasm until he was truly satisfied.

When Steve moved away, Eddie drew in desperate gulps of air, taking one more worshipping lick that made Steve gasp thickly before, wobbly, he flopped onto the narrow space between the edge of the bed and his lovers.

Free to move fully now, Eddie’s hands flew down to Chrissy’s hips to hold her in place. She keened when Eddie pistoned into her, her nails pinpoints of delicious pain in his arms.

“E-Eddie, Steve,” she moaned, over and over and slurring together. “Fuck, oh, please, please!”

Steve reached between them and got his fingers on her clit, rubbing expert circles in time with Eddie’s thrusts. “Come for us, Chrissy, c’mon sweetheart.”

With a surprisingly quiet cry, Chrissy clenched around Eddie’s cock, her whole body shuddering as she came, her face falling into bliss when Eddie followed her right over the edge.

His orgasm ripped through him like lightning, so intense he barely heard his own needy whimper. Fuck, fuck.

He slumped into the mattress with a hollow groan, finding his hands once again clasped by Steve and Chrissy. All he could hear was their ragged breathing, until Chrissy shifted and he slipped out of her with a hiss. She hummed, then, a curious sound, and Eddie opened his eyes to see her dip her fingers into her pussy, drawing them out to see them coated in his come.

Steve leaned forward. Taking her hand gently, he closed his lips around her fingers and sucked them clean, moaning quietly at the taste.

“Holy shit,” Eddie said with wonder. Giving Eddie a sly side-eye, Steve pulled Chrissy in for an open mouthed kiss they both groaned into, and if it were possible for Eddie to get hard again right there and then, he would’ve.

But, regrettably, he was only human. All he could do was watch in awe as his lovers made out before they joined him in lying on the bed. Like vines their limbs twisted together again, unable to resist the need for contact that drove them close. Their bodies were cooling with sweat, but they cared little when there was so much warmth between them.

After a few minutes where they simply enjoyed existing in the same space, letting their mutual, sated exhaustion wash over them, Eddie finally broke the silence.

“I’m so glad we got high.”

The resulting cackling made Eddie grin. He loved making them laugh.

“Me too,” Steve said, nuzzling into the crook of Chrissy’s neck while he reached across her to hold Eddie’s hip.

Chrissy hummed. “Mm. Me three.”

Eddie and Steve groaned despite their begrudging smiles.

“I am glad, though,” Eddie continued. “I don’t know if I would’ve ever thought I could have you both. Still feels like a fucking dream.”

Steve’s hand traced along Eddie’s slender waist. “It’s real.” He repeated the words with tired wonder. “It’s real.”

Curled up together in the same bed for the first time, Eddie smiled and wrapped his arms around Chrissy and Steve, his stars and sun, orbited by the moon.

dividers by @/saradika and @/cafekitsune

#steves-strapcollection #steddissy #eddie munson #steve harrington #chrissy cunningham #transmasc steve #stranger things #fanfic #niko's notes

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nattinatalia · 1 year

Text

Jack Harlow x Reader Instagram AU

A/N : This was supposed to be out Mother’s Day weekend 😳 read this first 💐

Liked by yourusername, mamamaggie, claybornharlow, yourbestiename, champagnepapi, and 8,678,355 others

jackharlow Feliz día de las madres to the love of my life. Baby, you make me the happiest person ever. Thank you for our babies, thank you for always going above and beyond for our family, thank you for loving us the way that you do. Thank you for teaching me something new every day. But most importantly, thank you for being you. Life wouldn’t be the same without you by my side. Mia and Ezequiel are the luckiest kids ever to have a super mama like you, te ami mi amor 😘 💜

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yourusername I FUCKING LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!! You really did spoil me so darn much 🥺 & the fact that you not only celebrate me on Latin Mother’s Day, but the gringos mother day as well. Love my babies for life.

jackharlow You deserve to be celebrated every day 😘

yourbestiename Not you sending me voice memos on how to spell certain words in Spanish 😭 we love a dedicated man’s.

jackharlow Thank you for that 🙌🏼

claybornharlow Happy latin Mother’s Day to you sis.

yourusername Thank you hermanito 🫶🏼

•

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, druski, claybornharlow, champagnepapi, and 8,677,355 others

yourusername When you jokingly tell your husband you want a pink Lambo….. Jackman, you really take me by surprise every damn day! It’s not just about the gifts, you know this. I know I said to return this, but don’t blame me if I actually end up keeping it 🙈 I love you, thank you for spoiling me this morning Mi amor.

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jackharlow What my baby wants, my baby gets. Even if you were joking about it!!!!! I love you.

druski damn bitch buy me one next

jackharlow You’re not my wife

druski I’m better, it’s called life partners hoe.

jackharlow Get out of here 🤣🤣

yourbestiename Ohh okay go off white boy, he did the damn thang.

urbanwyatt Let me take it for a spin?

yourusername I’ll think about it 🧐

neelamthadhani He didn’t 🤦🏻‍♀️

yourusername He did 🥰

claybornharlow Spoiling his wife as he should

cozane That’s hard asf. I need to borrow it.

mamamaggie PICK ME UP!!!!!!

yourusername On my way mama 🫶🏼

•

yourusername added to their story

•

Liked by jackharlow, neelamthadhani, yourbestiename, urbanwyatt, claybornharlow, and 7,986,345 others

yourusername My babies spoiled me today and every day. I’m forever thankful for the life I get to live next to my family 🥺💜 happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mamas.

View all 2,890 comments

jackharlow You deserve everything and more.

mamamaggie They did amazing huh?

yourusername Yesss🥺 always spoiling me.

mamamaggie Only the best for my daughter!

yourbestiename The cutest little hands 💕and the best floral arrangement you could’ve ever asked for.

yourusername Dude yeahhh, those are the best.

•

Liked by yourusername, mamamaggie, druski, claybornharlow, djdrama, and 6,976,355 others

jackharlow Celebrating you all year long, because you deserve it.

View all 1,700 comments

yourusername Te amo 🥰 🥺😘

druski I hope you went all out for mama Maggie as well.

jackharlow Do you not know me? 🙄

yourusername Of course he did, we can never forget about her.

mamamaggie Druski is always stirring the pot, now I know why Urb and yourbestiename are always trying to fight him

urbanwyatt FINAALLLYYY YOU GET IT

druski I was looking out for you Maggie 😡 no need to attack me now

claybornharlow It’s what you get for always talking shit about her cooking.

•

Liked by jackharlow, badbunnypr, yourbestiename, karolg, urbanwyatt, and 8,577,355 others

yourusername Dinner date with the love of my life ❤️

View all 1,400 comments

druski I’m over the Mother’s Day posts we get it. This is his birthday all over again.

yourusername I’m just going to block your ass.

jackharlow Do it!!!!!

urbanwyatt You’re just hating because you ain’t got a wife to celebrate for or kids

druski & your ass doesn’t either so sit your white ass down

cozane 💀

urbanwyatt I hate you

yourbestiename Cassie said “ohhh Tio Jack Jack handsome.”

jackharlow 🥺

yourusername Awww my babyyygirl, need to see her soon.

•

Liked by jackharlow, cozane, urbanwyatt, yourbestiename, and 7,667,345 others

yourusername That’s a wrap on mothers day weekend. I love my little family 🫶🏼 thank you to my husband for making every year so special and for showering me with so much love every day. I love you ❤️

View all 1,300 comments

jackharlow I love you baby ❤️

mamamaggie The best daughter in law I could’ve asked for. Thank you for loving my boy and for my wonderful grandchildren.

druskispamaccount OKAY SO UNBLOCK ME

urbanwyatt 💀 BRROOO 😭😭😭

druskispamaccount This was probably Jacks doing, y/n loves me way too much to actually block me.

yourusername I told you I was going to block you for being a hater!

claybornharlow No way haha he made a second account just to be back here?

druskispamaccount Sure did because no one is going to stop me from saying what I believe in.

jackharlow What exactly is that?

druskispamaccount That one mother day post is enough. I don’t need to see it every day or for the entire week. I had enough on your birthday.

yourusername This is why you’re blocked…. Again.

neelamthadhani Is he blocked again? Lmaoo

druskithirdaccount KNOCK KNOCK, YOU THOUGHT BITCH!!! Y’all just blocking me because you know I’m right.

jackharlow I know you ain’t calling my wife a bitch……

druskithirdaccount NOOOO I’M CALLING YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS A BITCH FOR INSTIGATING! Y/N LOVES ME SO YA MUST HAVE SAID SOMETHING TO CONVINCE HER TO BLOCK ME!!!

yourbestiename This was a cute post of The Harlows and you guys always have to bring nonsense into the comments.

druskithirdaccount I have to stir the pot with them since you and Urban aren’t feeding into my drama.

yourusername 🤦🏻‍♀️

druskithirdaccount DO NOT BLOCK ME

druskifourthaccount I’LL BE BACK

drukisfifthaccount I’LL ALWAYS FIND A WAY BACK!!!

mamamaggie Sadly, this is true! So many times I’ve tried getting him away!

druskififthaccount Wait hold up. What?

druskififthaccount Okay okay, happy Mother’s Day to the sexiest mom out there! How you got with your husband is beyond me, when you could’ve married me. Hope you had a great weekend, your kids are little savages and they are lucky to have you as their sexy ass mom.

jackharlow I’m gonna beat your ass.

yourusername You play too damn much. Considered yourself unblocked.

druski I’M BACK BABY!!!!!! Y/N BRING THAT ASS OVER HERE!

jackharlow Considered yourself blocked again. Bye.

•

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux @harlowsbby @arination99 @cmalass @jackharloww @minkookie95 @deannaard @jacksmoviestar @harlowcomehome @fdl305 @httpkoylinnn @xoxokiaraaxoxo @hoodharlow @automaticpeachsong @amethyst09 @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @stefansalvatoresgf @violetdreamsworld @carma-fanficaddict @jasminxts @itsaaliyah2 @itsyagirljaz @harrycanyonmoonn @neon-lights-and-glitter @awhore4moree

#jack harlow #instagram au #jack harlow x reader #jack harlow x y/n #jack harlow x yn #jack harlow x you #jack harlow x oc #jackman thomas harlow #jack harlow imagines

240 notes · View notes

simpforchuchu · 1 year

Text

POV : You are dating Binzo and you are Yuken's bestie

Your Insta 🌟

Liked by mercy,binzo and 204 others

Y/n After the fight, he sent me this pic and said "BABE I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.. Yeah after the fight...

|| binzo You didnt like it ? :(

--》y/n I like everything you give me baby, juat joking ❤

--》binzo ❤

|| magoroku You two are weird

--》y/n so what?

--》odajima the bear is cute btw

--》y/n There is some things cuter than the bear in this pic 😊

--》odajima 😒😒

--》magoroku 🤮🤮

Liked by odajima,jinkawa and 221 others

Y/n Sabakan sent me this pic when they found out us... IT IS STILL THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER SEEN OMG AHKWSJKEJDJW

|| sachio it is not funny y/n

--》y/n 😔😔

|| odajima im sure one day you will be my early death

--》y/n yeah probably

--》shidaken delete this

--》y/n no :P

Liked by binzo,kamui and 200 others

Y/n he fell asleep... again

|| binzo sorry angel

--》y/n it is okay babe, i will always protect you when you are sleeping ❤

--》binzo GOD I LOVE YOU ❤

|| mercy y/n-chan tell him he need to come to school

--》y/n He is asking why

--》mercy he will see when he came

--》y/n he said okay

|| odajima when i fell asleep you always kick me ????

--》y/n yeah cause i dont like you

--》odajima mean 💔

--》y/n 😌😌

Liked by binzo,fujio and 224 others

Y/n I went to Suzuran for the first time today cause he didnt pick up his phone. And he was fighting... God... He is hot.

|| odajima Are you gonna write everything that you think?

--》y/n probably

--》jinkawa Sachio wants you to come Housen y/n-chan

--》y/n oh shit

|| binzo i can fight everyday baby ;)

--》y/n dude you already do this

--》magoroku yeah... unfortunately...

|| fujio it was me

--》y/n yeah i know

--》binzo i guess you want another round bro ?

Liked by sachio,shidaken and 233 others

Y/n He said "i need you help it is emergency" and we came to play baseball... Anyway with bestiee @/odajima

|| odajima It was...

--》y/n How can playing baseball be emergency???

|| binzo Do not give her baseball bats!!

--》y/n oh dont start again...

--》odajima Dont worry she is not gonna kick your ass again

--》y/n shut up

Liked by mercy,magoroku and 203 others

Y/n How can he even sleep like this ?

|| magoroku sometimes he sleeps worse dont worry

--》y/n and how isnt he falling ?

--》mercy he will just wait

--》y/n 😀

Liked by binzo,mercy and 218 others

Y/n My one and only. ❤

|| binzo ❤

Liked by magoroku,sawamura and 216 others

Y/n We are cute 😚

|| binzo you are the cutest baby ❤

--》y/n come and give me a kiss

|| odajima You are just idiots

--》y/n idc about what you think 🤩💕

--》odajima 🤮🤮

--》y/n shut up

|| kamui Who would know binzo-san can find someone like you ? I guess there is still hope for me too y/n-san...

--》y/n i was saying the same thing and look where we are...

--》kamui ...

Liked by sachio,shidaken and 221 others

Y/n He took me out for my bday 😍 And he was being jealous all day cause now i have a boyfriend...

|| odajima shut up

--》y/n 😁

|| sachio happy birthday y/n-chan 💕

--》shidaken we love you more than odajima y/n you can be the new member 🥳🥳🥳

--》y/n JSJXJEJXJD Thanks guys 🥰🥰

|| mercy Happy birthday y/n-chan 🥰

--》y/n thank you mashii-san 🥰

--》binzo y/n im still waiting outside yk this right?

--》y/n COMIINGG 😭😭

Liked by kamui,raoh and 234 others

Y/n My other half, my soulmate and gorgeous boyfriend. I love you and there is nothing that i would want other than you. @/binzo ❤

|| binzo You deserve the world babe, and you are my whole world. ❤

--》y/n 🤧🥺❤❤

HnL taglist : @straysugzhpe @tiddly-winx @satraninalane

175 notes · View notes

littlemissmentallyunstable · 24 days

Text

@wish-i-were-heather

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYY!!!! 🎉🥳🎂🎁🎈YAYAYAYYAYAYA!! I HOPE U HAVE THE BEST DAY EVER ✨💕💋💍 AND GET EVERYTHING YOU WANT, YOU DESERVE IT 🥰😘😍❤️

I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCHHHHH 🩷🩷🩷

HERE IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO YOU…

title: eunoia’s birthday

pairing: grayson hawthorne x eunoia

Grayson couldn’t help but stare. She was perfection. Her red hair splayed across the pillow, tumbling gently over their Egyptian cotton sheets. Eyes closed, long lashes delicately brushing her under eye in her sleep. He grinned to himself admiring the splash of freckles across her nose, counting each and every one and memorising them. He took his hand to gently draw soothing spirals across her arms, creating an invisible tattoo that no one would ever know about. Eunoia smiled in her sleep, subconsciously rolling closer to Grayson. He traced the features of her face with his pinky finger, making sure his touch was lighter than a feather so she wouldn’t wake just yet.

He’d been up most of the night to the early hours of the morning preparing for her birthday. Nash, Jameson and Xander had been contacted at 3am with a 911 from him because he was worried the decoration didn’t look good enough. Needless to say, all three brothers were extremely annoyed but added a few touches of their own to satisfy Grayson’s overthinking. When he was finally done and came to bed he couldn’t sleep. He could only think about her. Eunoia. The love and light of his life. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky with her. Nine days prior, when it has been his birthday she’d planned a beautiful day for them full of his favourite things that ended with a massive party with all the people that mattered to him the most. He smiled so much that day his jaw hurt the next day. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like that.

He leant down and rested his head beside her, pressing his cheek on hers. He wished he didn’t have to wake her, she looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He could stare at her all day and never get bored. She had a face like an angel, soft and captivating. Unfortunately Grayson knew he had an angenda to stick to. A birthday agenda, he hoped she’d love. Softly he kissed the tip of her nose, whispering, “happy birthday sweetheart.”

Eunoia stirred from her sleep, unimpressed, “What? Let me sleep,” she mumbled rolling over.

He chuckled softly, “Eunoia…”

“What? I’m trying to sleep here,” she grumbled, “go away.”

She reached her arm out and flapped it around lazily in an attempt to ward him off. It didn’t work, it only made him laugh.

“It’s your birthday,” he said, in an almost sing-song voice.

She shot up straight, suddenly awakened with her eyes wide open and beamed up at him, “it’s my birthday!”

“Mhmm,” he nodded in agreement. The way her eyes lit up made his heart squeeze.

“Oh my gosh it’s my birthday!” She shouted excitedly

She flung herself onto him enveloping him in what seemed like the world’s biggest hug. Eunoia closed her eyes and inhaled his comforting scent, grateful to wake up with such a man by her side. She considered that the greatest gift of them all, no matter what happened today.

“Woah, what’s this for?” Grayson asked, a hint of a chuckle in his tone.

“Birthday hug,” she explained happily, as they pulled away.

“Aren’t I meant to be the one that gives that to you?” He replied, a Hawthorne eyebrow raised in question.

“Maybe,” she shrugged, before lowering her voice a little, “but you can make it up to me with a birthday kiss.”

His face broke out into her contagious smile, “I love you.”

“I know,” she said, titling her head to the side sweetly.

“Happy birthday baby,” he grinned, pressing a light thumb on her chin and guiding her face closer to his. He leant down, closed his eyes and planed a soft kiss on her lips.

They both broke away at the same time, faces a little flushed, heartbeats a little faster.

“You can do that again, if you like,” Eunoia told him quietly, tracing his jawline with her fingertip.

“Tempting offer,” he murmurs, his nose touching hers, “too tempting to decline.”

He kissed her again, gently. She melted into his lips.

“I love you,” she smiled.

“I know,” he grinned, mirroring her earlier comment.

“Are you quoting me, Hawthorne?” She asked, failing to keep the giggle from escaping.

“Maybe,” he shrugged in reply before taking her hand in his, “come with me.”

“Where are we going?” She asked.

“You’ll see,” he winks, tugging at her hand.

“Hang on! I need my glasses,” she cries, grabbing them from the nightstand and positioning them of her face.

Once he was sure they were secure enough on her face, he pulled her forwards towards the door. Eunoia almost fell face first into the mattress but managed to regain her balance, still holding onto Grayson. She stumbled out of bed, wearing a pair of shorts and Grayson’s shirt from the night before. It’s oversized on her, hung down effortlessly, reaching her mid-thigh.

“You okay?” he made sure quickly.

“Just about,” she winked.

Her hair was messed up and her glasses a little wonky, her sapphire eye sparkling beneath them. She was a goddess in Grayson’s eyes, he’d been blessed. She radiated sunshine. The smile of her face read bubbly like one of those books she ordered curling up in a corner with to read. So he grinned even harder as he starts to giddily run down the stairs holding her hand.

“Gray what’s gotten into you, you never get this excited?” she laughed, almost slipping down the staircase, remembering why Grayson is usually constantly telling her not to run down the stairs.

“I do!” he exclaims, offence rippling through his features.

Eunoia shoots him a look.

“I’m excited for you,” he reasoned, as they reached the bottom.

“I’m sceptical,” she replied, pursing her lips slightly.

“Seriously? I can’t just be really exited for my girlfriend on her birthday,”

“I know you Grayson Hawthorne and you don’t get this excited this easily,” she replied, jabbing a playful finger at his chest, “but I’m determined to find out what’s gotten you all jovial today.”

“You’re cute,” he smiled at her, with lovesick puppy eyes.

Eunoia narrowed her eyes at him, putting her hands on her hips, “what are you hiding?”

“Nothing,” he laughed. He couldn’t help it, he loved it when she looked mad or over serious. The way her eyebrows angled inwards and eyes flashed with rage was adorable, not that he’d ever tell her that.

“I’m going to work it out!” she announced, looking him up and down as if there would be some sort of clue on his person.

“Just go into the kitchen okay?” Grayson said, spinning her around and nudging her gently towards the kitchen door.

“Okay,” she giggled, stumbling in after ungracefully hitting her elbow on the door.

Her jaw immediately dropped at the sight. The whole room had been decorated gorgeously. There were personalised banners stuck to the walls and bunches of balloons dotted around the room. Two vases sat comfortably on either end of the table housing fresh baby pink tulips, some budding and some not quite there yet. Matching the theme was a long sage green tablecloth across their table, dotted with pale pink plates and napkins. Fairy lights had been hug from just about every surface. They twinkled brightly making the experience all the more magical. Around the room were strings of paper hearts. As she took a step closer, Eunoia realised each of them had something written on them. In Grayson’s handwriting.

She walked slowly across the first row, reading each and every message. Your smile lights up my day. My heart, my world, my everything. I love you more than you could ever know. I’m so blessed to have you in my life. You’re so beautiful even the gods are envious. I love every single part of you. We were written in the stars. It must’ve taken hours to make. He’d put in so much time and effort. All for her. Grayson watched her face, admiring the way her features softened, then lit up and softened again.

She turned to him, eyes overflowing with gratitude, “you did all of this? For me?”

“Of course,” he said, as if this weee the bare minimum she deserved.

“Gray,” she murmured, his name almost getting caught in her throat.

“Do you like it?” he asked her.

“Like it? That’s an understatement, I love it,” she said, mesmerised in wonder, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he smiles, planting a kiss on her forehead.

A wave of emotion rolled over Eunoia and she felt tears begin to well up all of a sudden, “I’m not crying,” she said quickly, hoping that might prevent the tears from actually falling.

“Of course not sweetheart,” Grayson said, looking down into her glossy blue eyes.

“There are no tears coming from my eyes right now,” she insisted as they rolled down her cheeks.

“None at all,” Grayson agreed, handing her a tissue, “I should know, I’m a witness.”

“Thank you,” she snivelled, blowing her nose, “oh look there’s even glitter.”

Grayson let out a small chuckle, “I can’t credit, that was Xander’s idea,”

“Of course,” she giggled, as he brushes her happy tears away delicately with his thumb.

“Come here,” he whispered, pulling her into his chest.

She gladly fell into him, dissolving comfortably into his arms. She pressed her cheek against his solid chest and breathed out softly. His arms were her safe place, whenever the world got a bit too much, she just crawl into his open arms and immediately feel soothed.

“I didn’t want you to cry on your birthday,” Grayson murmured into her hair, inhaling the smell of her shampoo that he loved.

“I thought we agreed just now that I wasn’t crying,” she reminded him, the sound muffled slightly.

“Sorry,” he said, correcting the sentence, “I didn’t want you to not cry on your birthday.”

“Happy tears, happy tears, I promise,” she sniffed, popping out of his chest to rest her chin on his shoulder.

“Okay I’ll take it then,” he replied, rubbing circles on her back rhythmically.

Suddenly a small gasp escaped from Eunoia’s lips.

“What?” he asked quickly, pulling away to make sure she was okay.

“There’s a cake!” she exclaimed, wide eyed and excited.

Grayson sighed in relief, “of course there’s a cake,”

She broke away from his hold and looked at the cake, it’s a white iced cake reading Eunoia in calligraphy on the top. It looked stunning, like a piece of pure art work.

“Did you bake this?” she asked.

He nodded, “and decorated it.”

She had to stop her jaw from dropping, “have you been taking midnight baking classes?”

“You sleep like the dead,” he explained, confirming her suspicions.

“You’re kidding,” she said, in pure shock. How had she not heard the infamously loud stand-mixer?

“I had this stand mixer on for a full three hours once,” Grayson told her, patting the electrical appliance, “and you were cold out.”

“You actually practiced for this,” she asked, her heart so full it could burst. She hadn’t had the heart to tell him but he had looked so exhausted these past couple of weeks, now it all made sense why.

“I wanted it to be perfect,” he shrugged, “perfect cake for my perfect girl.”

Eunoia felt her face flush as blood rushed into her cheeks. This man still managed to make her blush despite the fact they’d been together for nearly three years now.

“Gray, this is incredible, thank you so much,” she grinned like an idiot, kissing him lovingly.

He beamed, tucking a stand of loose hair behind her ear, “do you want some cake?”

“How can I say no to cake for breakfast?” she asked, “it would just be rude!”

“Precisely,” he nodded in agreement, swiftly grabbing a knife from the kitchen drawer.

He made a clean cut down the cake and put a piece onto one of the pink plate situated on the table. Eunoia’s eyes widened to the size of saucepans when she realised the flavour.

“IT’S RED VELVET!” she screamed, excitement taking over. She hadn’t meant to be so loud.

“Yes,” Grayson smiled, her energy infectious.

“How did you know?” she asked, as he handed her the plate.

“Because everytime we go anywhere ever you get something that has relation to red velvet,” he deadpanned in reply.

“When?” she questioned, eyebrows pinching together in confusion, unable to recall a time she’d ever gotten anything ed velvet with Grayson.

“We went to that donut place and you got a red velvet flavoured donut,” he said.

“Oh yeah I remember that!” she replied, recalling how tasty it was.

“Or the time we went to that desert pizza place and your got a red velvet inspired pizza,” he said, wrinkling his nose.

“Not as good as it sounded,” she sighed, shaking her head, “major disappoint.”

“That Italian gelato shop we went to on a date,” he recalled, “you know the one with the crazy flavours, and you ordered red velvet ice-cream there.”

“Ooo we have to go back there one day,” she said, “that was yum.”

“Red velvet cheesecake, red velvet cookie, red velvet waffle were also tried on three different occasions at dreams bakery down the road,” he sighed, now counting the times with his fingers.

“I get your point,” Eunoia responded with a flat face.

“I can go on,” he teased.

“Not necessary,” she replied, “I can’t believe you take that much notice of my orders.”

“Well when you’re worried the love of your life is going to end up hospitalised from red velvet consumption you note what she eats,” he told her.

“But you hate red velvet,” she said randomly.

“With a passion,” he nodded.

“Ew weirdo,” she joked, “but seriously, then why did you make it? If you hate it so much.”

“Because you love it and I love you,” he said sweetly, pressing a short kiss on her nose.

“Will you try a piece? For me on my birthday?” she asked him, doe-eyed and batting her eyelashes slightly.

“The guilt tripping is insane Eunoia,” he grumbled bluntly, shooting her an evil look.

“You can’t judge it without trying it,” she sang, waving her piece at him.

“Fine. For you, on your birthday, that’s it,” he rolled his eyes, cutting a second slice for himself now.

She clapped her hands together in joy and then took a bite of her cake. Grayson watched her intently, trying to read her expression, hoping he’d gotten the recipe right, hoping she’d like it.

“Oh my gosh,” she say, closing her eyes, “I’m in heaven, literal heaven.”

It was the most perfect red velvet cake she’d ever eaten, light and airy with the right amount of icing, the tiniest slither because she hated the taste of it. Grayson had obviously taken note of that, making her smile.

“You should bake more often,” she said, taking another bite.

Grayson took a small breath of relief and smiled, his cheeks heating up ever so slightly. Eunoia noticed but didn’t mention it.

“Maybe I should,” he shrugged.

“Now it’s your turn to try,” she said, her face bright and impossible to say no to.

“I’m not happy about this,” he muttered.

“Just shut up and shove the cake in your mouth Gray,” she rolled her eyes.

“Okay but-“

Too late. Eunoia was too impatient, so speared some cake on her fork and put it into his mouth. He gave her an annoyed glare and he chewed thoughtfully and swallowed.

“So?”

“You could’ve choked me just then,” Grayson said darkly.

“And you’re still here, oh what a shame,” she teased him, ruffling his hair.

“You’re not funny,” he stated, suppressing his arising smile.

“The corner of your mouth that’s twitching is telling me otherwise,” Eunoia grinned triumphantly.

“The coroner of my mouth is not-“

“You’re changing the subject, what did you think?” she pressed on.

“It wasn’t good,” Grayson told her flatly, but something flickering in the deep gray of his eyes, a silver sparkle that told her the truth,

“You like it,” she said, mouth wide open in shock.

“No I don’t,” he protested, the defensive arc in his tone too prominent to not be hiding something,

“You so do!” she giggled, eating another bite of cake.

“No I don’t,” he shook his head, like a stubborn child.

“It’s your new guilty pleasure,” Eunoia decided, “I can see it in your eyes.”

“No you can’t,” he said quickly, curtly,

“Defensive much?” she quipped, smirking a little.

“You’re annoying “ he replied. She knew that basically meant she was right, he had nothing else left to say.

“And you like red velvet which means it is a good cake flavour,” she smiled, remembering back to a time where Grayson would diss it.

“I don’t like you,” he grumbled with a glare.

“Heyyyy,” she said in an accusing tone, “you can’t say that to me on my birthday!”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I love you.”

“If you loved me you would admit you like red velvet,” she grinned at him playfully.

“That is gaslighting,” Grayson said, distastefully. She surprised a laugh.

“So you don’t love me?” she gasped, putting a hand to her heart and melodramatically throwing her head back.

He sighed, “I think it red velvet is…” there is a long, bring pause, “… okay.”

“I’ll take it,” Eunoia replied with a nod of he head.

“Good,” he said, “do you want your present?”

“You mean that wasn’t it?” she asked gesturing to the cake.

He cracked a mousy smile before reaching over for a small, neatly wrapped box. Actually neat was an understatement. The paper was a sage green and the bow tied perfectly around it a light shade of pink. It was very pretty.

“Open it,” he urged, with a nod.

“I don’t want to,” she pouted, holding it as if it were the most fragile thing on his earth.

“Why?” he furrowed his brows.

“The wrapping is too pretty,” she explained, admitting it.

“I’ll wrap up an empty box so you can stare at my wrapping,” Grayson promised, “just open the present.”

“You’re eager,” she said, eyebrows raised.

“I want to see your face,” he explained.

“If it’s a pair of socks my face might disappoint you,” she pre-warned him.

“Good thing it’s not a pair of socks, though I did debate that,” Grayson said.

“Oh yeah?”

“They’re were some amazing unicorn ones that I thought would really suit you,” he teased.

“Save them for our anniversary,” she winked.

“Got it,” he grinned, “now open it!”

She laughed at his excitement and very slowly undid the bow so it wouldn’t ruin too badly. She then attempted to peel back the paper but it wouldn’t budge.

“How much tape did you put on this thing?” she groaned, frustratedly trying to undo a corner.

“You’re meant to rip it open,” he rolled his eyes.

“But the pretty wrapping paper,” she whispered.

“I have a whole roll under a floorboard upstairs, “ he sighed, “I’ll give it you.”

“Okay,” she grinned., before tearing open the paper, like a ravenous predator to its prey.

Underneath it revealed a decorated cardboard box. It was clear that Grayson had painted the extra detail, she knew that art style anywhere. Painted on in various shades of pale pink, white and flecks of red were blossoms from a cherry tree. Throw sands and thousands of petals had been painted on. She couldn’t imagine how long this would’ve taken him.

All of the blossoms seemed to swirl to one place. Eunoia flipped the box over and found that all the cherry blossoms were swirling towards a Polaroid picture of the two of them at Nash and Libby’s wedding, dancing together. Grayson was laughing at something Eunoia had said, his head thrown back and a real smile on his face. With his dimples. She’d once told him that was one of her favourite pictures of them together.

“This is so beautiful,” she smiled, tracing light fingers over his work.

“Open it,” he told her.

“What?”

“Trust me,“ he said, “open it.”

Slowly she opened it and the contents was revealed. Inside lay two deep purple pieces of card.

“You’re joking, oh gosh, is this even real?” Eunoia gasped

Engraved in each of them was Conan Gray in golden calligraphy. Upon closer inspection in the corner it read, concert 9:00pm.

“Look closer,” Grayson prompted, his eyes flicking to the top left hand corner of each ticket.

Laced in gold were three bold letters VIP. Eunoia nearly fainted.

“You’ll get to go backstage, meet him and talk to him, ask whatever you want, get a photo, and autograph, that sort of thing,” he explained.

“Gray,” she gasps, tears welling up in her eyes, “are you serious?”

“As serious as it gets,” he grinned.

She launched herself into his arm and squeezed him so tightly Grayson wondered if he might spontaneously combust. Not that he’d care, being in Eunoia’s arms spontaneously combusted or not was his equivalent to heaven.

She cups his face in her hands and gently brings it towards her, planting a sweet kiss on his lips. He could feel her burning gratitude.

“Happy birthday Eunoia,” he whispered, gazing at her. This is it. This is his world. He stared at her, momentarily mesmerised by her alluring ocean blue eyes. He feels like he’s drowning but for some reason it feels pleasant.

“Thank you so much Gray,” she murmured, her heart swollen full of love.

AYAYAYYAYA THANK YOUUUU FOR BEING MY LOVELY KIND GORGEOUS MOOT 💕💕 YOU’RE LITERALLY THE SWEETEST!!

I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS!! HAVE THE BEST DAYYYYYY MY LOVE 😘😘

p.s I know you’re going to see Conan Gray in 46 days (I think) anyways but we can pretend Gray gave you the tickets 🤭🤭

#happy birthday eunoia 💖#grayson hawthorne

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