#BUMBLE TAKE YO ASS TO BED

[artificialcaretaker]

Davepeta my love I’ve missed you <333

[netlifxandcastielclosed]

Fic where Cas and the reader go trick or treating together?

“I don’t think it’s a wise choice, Y/N,” Cas said deeply, imagining every dangerous possibility that can happen from ringing stranger’s doorbells.

“It’s a human tradition, Cas! The Celts thought the barrier between our world and the world of ghosts and spirits got really thin on this day. So they threw a big party to try and scare them away! And don’t worry about going door to door! We do that all the damn time when we are working a case.” 

Cas furrowed his brows in confusion as you slipped on your costume. The one you had picked out for him had not moved an inch from his clenched fist. He was overly concerned about the fabric being too revealing.  

“And where am I suppose to hide my angel blade in these?” Cas stuffed his thick thighs into fuzzy black tights that had none of the pockets he’d grown accustomed to in his trench coat. 

“Here, give it to me. I’m bringing a big bag. More room for candy,” you said gleefully. 

Now that the two of you were fully dressed, Cas picked up his plastic candy bucket that was shaped like a giant flower and the extra pillowcase you suggested packing, for which he did not know the purpose. He followed you through the bunker hallways and up to the front room. Sitting doing research and avoiding all possible reminders of the holiday was Sam. Across from him sat Dean eating his second dinner of the night. Dean’s smile stretched from ear to ear when he saw you both walk into the room.

“Sammy, you gotta get a load of this,” Dean nearly choked on his doughnut burger hybrid and almost fell out of his seat.

“You know how I feel about Halloween. I want no part of this,” Sam grumbled. 

“No, really. Sammy. You don’t want to miss this.”

Sam reluctantly peeled his eyes away from his laptop and saw his two best friends standing side by side in giant fuzzy bee costumes. You, with that typical worry-free sparkle your eyes and Castiel looking more puzzled than ever before. It’s worth noting that this is the first smile Sam had cracked a smile on Halloween night in years.  

“Well don’t the two of you look just…” Sam started to say.

“(Y/N) chose this costume for me. Do you think it will scare away the spirits,”  asked Cas genuinely. “I do like the honeybees in the garden but I have noticed many humans are terrified of them. I’ve packed some salt and holy water in my bag in the instance this doesn’t work out”. 

“As long and your bumble butts bring me back some candy, I don’t care how y’all dress,” said Dean trying to pretend like he wasn’t a little jealous of being able to go trick or treating. Truthfully, he was a little turned on seeing you and Cas in bee costumes. He thought to himself, you both could buzz on into his room later that night when Sammy was asleep. 

—

Before walking up to the first door of the night, you explained to Cas what to say and how to hold out his bucket for candy. He only slightly heard what you said but didn’t bother to ask you to repeat yourself. He was more worried about the trick part of the night and he assumed he could deal with it once it came around. 

DING DONG!

“Tricks nor Treats,” Castiel grumbled deeply, arms stuck straight out to the old woman who wondered why a fully grown man dressed as a bee was out trick or treating. 

“It’s ‘Or’ not ‘Nor’, lovey. We’ll try it again at the next place,” you said sweetly. “Thank you for the candy, M’am. Happy Halloween. Stay safe.”

As you walked back down the path, Cas sprinkled some salt on the uneven cobblestone and murmured some Enochian under his breath. 

Door number two. DING DONG!

“No tricks, just treats, please.” 

You shot a look at Cas that would make any celestial being cower. His shoulders stiffened and then he shook off the chill that went down his spine. He thanked the couple at the door and shuffled back down the driveway. More salt sprinkled and on to the next house. 

A few blocks later and a pillowcase filled to the brim with candy, Cas had a completely different look across his face. He was more eager to keep going after each house but your feet had other ideas. It had a been a few hours and you were more exhausted than when you fought that vamp last week. 

“Last house, okay? I’m ready for bed and I’m sure Sam is tired of hearing Dean complaining about wanting candy.”

“Of course. We’ve managed to avoid all of these tricks so far. Now might be a good time to call it a night.” 

Both of you walked up to the last house and when Cas went to knock, the door was ajar. It swung open after the first attempt at a knock. No lights were on in the hallway but a dim glow was coming from the kitchen. 

“Hello,” Castiel cautiously ask. “Trick or treat?” 

“Is anyone home? Your door was unlocked. Hello?” You took a step forward, one foot on the threshold of the door. A smelly wave of sulfur hit you and you found yourself abruptly being dragged into the house by an invisible source.

“(Y/N)! What’s going on? Where’d you go?” Cas began to panic slightly. He instinctively reached for his coat pocket in hopes of grabbing his angel blade, only to feel polyester fuzz on his hands.  A second later he realized it was at the bottom of his candy filled pillowcase. He dumped the candy on the floor and flew into the kitchen. He found you stuck on the ceiling above the stove. An angry demon sat at the counter examining a plastic decorative skull.

“Ah, my favorite time of year, Halloween. Teenagers dressing up as monsters and playing games to summons us from the depths of Hell. It’s quite entertaining, really.” 

“The trick,” Cas said pointedly. 

“And just as my luck would have it, the one house that decided to summon me would be the one I find you and your human pet, Castiel.” The demon chuckled, stood up and continued to ransack through the kitchen. 

“Who are you,” growled Castiel.

“You don’t remember me, angel? I thought we shared an intimate moment all that time ago. It’s not every day that an angel and a demon breathe the same air and live to tell the tale.” 

Castiel looked up at you with a questioning look to make sure you were not hurt. Your mouth was sealed shut and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t move an inch. But the look in your eyes gave Cas some peace, and no visible blood or injuries was a good sign. 

“I remember you,” Cas recalled, “and I also remember what I said I’d do if I ever saw you again. I sent you back to Hell with Crowley and he said…”

“The King is dead, angel. There’s nothing to fear in Hell anymore. It’s all free rein and I don’t have to answer to anyone anymore. Not even you. So here I am. Even I deserve a little fun, don’t I?” 

It had been a long while since you’d dealt with your average everyday demon. Most hunts were about saving the world these days but ever since Crowley died more stray demons were running amok. Castiel was tired. ‘Not today’, he thought to himself. He wasn’t going to let some low-level demon ruin this night for him.

The arrogant demon parted his lips to speak again but before he could get a sound out, Castiel’s hand was pressed to his forehead. Bright, blinding light and some dissipating black smoke filled the room and the next thing you remember is being carried out of the house in the arms of your angel. 

—

Your eyes blinked open and the first thing that comes into focus is Dean with a pile of empty candy wrappers sprawled across the table. Sam was asleep in the chair next to you, hunched over with drool dripping down his chin from waiting for you to wake up. 

“Welcome back, (Y/N),” smiled Castiel.

“Cas? Wha- What happened? Where’s the demon?” 

“Don’t worry your fuzzy little ass about that, (Y/N),” said Dean mouth full of fun-sized Twix bars. “Cas saw you sticky stuck on that ceiling and stung the crap outta that demon.” 

“Enough with the bee puns, Dean,” Sam murmured groggily, “He’s been at it all night since you guys got back.” 

When you went to stretch out the pain in your muscles, you realized you were no longer in costume but in soft pajamas. 

“How did I,” you ask concernedly.

“Cas,” smirked Dean, “I offered to help out but,” knowing very well Cas hung the bee costumes in Dean’s room for later, “he said it would bee inappropriate. It’s too bad. I would have loved to get a peek at your boo-bees. I’ll be the bird and you two can bee the bees!”

“Dean,” Sam shouted disgustedly.

“I’ve pollen for the both of you so buzz on in and bee mine,” winked Dean.

“We’ll never hear the end of this, will we, Cas,” you sighed.

“I’m afraid not, Honey,” Castiel said without hesitation. 

Dean stood up, smiled that never-ending shit-eating grin until Sam ran to his room, locked the door and put in earplugs. 

—–

NOTE: Ha! I’m not going to pretend like it didn’t take me days to write this.  I legit wrote maybe a paragraph a day because I procrastinate more than anyone I know haha ALSO I didn’t intend for it to be this long but it’s cute so yeah. Halloween is my jam, yo! also tagging @imamotherfuckingstar-lord because I mentioned I was writing :PP.S. I didn’t proofread this so if there are errors OH FUCKING WELL 

Happy Halloween, Bitches!

[streetkings-yusa]

Joon Gi 1/?

For the pride of Korea, right? Fuck that.

Several decades had passed since the 1980 Jingweon Massacre at the hands of the Tojo Clan. Joon Gi was still a small child at the time, but he had relatives who had served and died in the gang. The Korean Mafia was relentless, but from their standpoint at the time, they couldn’t hold a goddamn candle to the yakuza, and so they held back. He wanted payback for his family, he wanted to spill that damn chairman’s blood. Joon Gi wanted Kiryu fucking dead.

In the ways of his gangster relatives, he learned as he grew up. Who’d have thunk that cute little kid with the bright eyes, little Han Joon Gi, would beat the shit out of his classmates and stab them with sharpened pencils? Can’t be, right? It had to be the big bully in the class next door, right? But he's so well-mannered and behaved! He learned at a very young age that his cute face would get him off the hook, probably could even get away with murder. All he needed to do was play by the rules, smile, and say "please" and "thank you." No one suspected a thing. After middle school had come and gone, everyone still wondered where little So Jung’s body went. Incinerators do fucking wonders.

Joon Gi was a fucking god at getting away with violence, and he loved the thrill of it. By high school, he had a long kill count on mafia hits over twice his age, and he was untouchable. Poison? Done. Murder? Standard. Shootings? Perfected aim due to his two years of service, along with taking up boxing. He practiced headshots on mob hits prior to his service, and by the time he was out of high school, Joon Gi was a seasoned hitman. The army was peanuts to him. After his discharge, Joon Gi went right back to killing. He was a superstar in the underground, and even older gang leaders feared him. Here he was, before hitting thirty, and he accepted the title of Jingweon’s newest leader.

The bigwigs back home threw a huge fit over Joon Gi’s decision to bring the Jingwoen back to Japan. “Are you insane, kid?! Do you really want to throw your life away? That’s what you’ll be doing when the Tojo sic their yakuza dogs on your ass.” Frightened bitches, he called them. None of the big bosses had the balls to go face the Japanese, and plus, he had a new idea of setting up shop before taking down Kiryu.

He knew he was good-looking. Hell, he already had a hard time keeping the girls away from him sometimes. Fuck buddies got in the way of work every now and then, and there was always a sad moment when he was hired to kill a girl he’d slept with. Oh well, water under the bridge, and there goes her body floating in it. Seeing as there was an over-abundance of women at his doorstep every day, he figured he could get into a host club in Japan and start establishing his foothold there. Korean pop stars were all the rage nowadays, and even Japanese tourists who ventured into Seoul would ask for pictures (of course he declined. He’s no idiot.) Get in a club, work his way up, get dirt on targets from thirsty girls on the way—it was a piece of cake. Speaking Japanese was easy for him too, he did spend his whole life preparing himself for this moment. And those teachers at school thought he was just trying to broaden his horizons, hah!

As soon as he and select members of his gang landed in Japan, they immediately styled their hair into whatever was fashionable, Joon Gi going for the striking silver and hitting the host clubs. He had enough money backing his stay in Japan to buy his own club, but Joon Gi thought best to not attract too much attention to himself. Where’s the fun in getting caught too early? After his successful interview (and instantaneous hire) at Stardust, Joon Gi was on his way home when a pair of street punk nobodies tried to mug him in an alleyway.

“Yo, pretty boy, just give us your wallet and you won’t have to get hurt. Pretty easy, right?” The knife the thug held in his outstretched had looked rusted and worn. Joon Gi couldn’t help himself but laugh out loud at the pathetic sight. Typical wannabe alley trash in cheap black hoodies with busted weapons, fucking riot! “Yo, asshole, what’s so funny? Are you messed up in the head or somethin’?”

“Tch. Yah, you guys are too fucking cute!” Joon Gi said through his bouts of laughter. He just needed to push a few more buttons. “What’s with the puny knife? Gonna fuck me with that ‘cause your dick’s too small?” He saw the rage building in the knifed man’s face. Just a little more. “Sorry your girlfriend faked it all in bed. Must be hard having the world’s tiniest pecker, eh? What? No girlfriend? Damn, being a hooker suckin’ on a straw for a dick doesn’t even sound worth it.”

“FUCK THE MONEY, YOU ARE DEAD, YOU FUCKING BRAT!”

There we go. Joon Gi smirked as he readied himself for the coming attack, fists raised in a fighting stance. The man pounded in his direction, knife raised as his bumbling feet stampeded down the alley like a disoriented rhino. It was almost sad knowing it would be over so quickly. Joon Gi sidestepped into the man’s side, giving him the opening he needed while the knife sailed right past him. Poor bastard. Joon Gi delivered an uppercut with the power of a fucking cannon to the man’s gut, sending him reeling backward. The hit made the man disarm himself and the knife clattered on the ground. In one fell swoop, Joon Gi grabbed the knife, slid towards the inebriated man on the ground like a batter to first base, and drove the rusted blade home between the eyes. He stabbed him several more times until his face looked like a messy knife caddy, wait, what face? Joon Gi’s laughter rang throughout the dark alley. He couldn’t even remember what the asshole’s face even looked like. “Ten seconds,” he exclaimed as he lifted his eyes to the dead man’s partner.

Joon Gi was over the fucking moon. The shithead tried running away, tripped on his own two giraffe feet and pissed himself while trying to regain his balance in a filthy puddle. He couldn’t stop laughing at the pathetic sight. The guy was screaming and rolling around in his own piss! Who knew Japan would be so fun? Still, Joon Gi didn’t want to attract attention, and he was cutting it real close on time. Without further thought, he pulled the knife out of the attacker’s face, giddy that one eyeball was intact as it rolled out of its socket, and strolled over to the attempted-escapee. In one fluid movement, Joon Gi grabbed the man’s hair and lifted it upward, exposing his neck, and buried the rusted blade deep into his throat and slit a nice wide bloody smile. Gotta look pretty for the cameras tomorrow, right? He held the man’s head in place while the blood sprayed outward, waited until the convulsing stopped, then dropped his draining body back into the piss puddle, now mixed with blood.

“Tch, this sucks.” Joon Gi was annoyed with his timing. It took several minutes until the man died. Maybe I should’ve buried the knife deeper. Next time I’ll get it right. He rustled through their pockets and drummed up a measly twenty-thousand yen. This couldn’t replace the bloody shoes they messed up! Frustrated with the night’s end, Joon Gi grabbed both bodies and dragged them along to the dumpster at the end of the alleyway like unwanted luggage. He tossed them into what he assumed was the incinerator pile and buried the bodies under several bags. He was beyond pissed now, seeing as this was his messiest clean-up job, and he couldn’t even properly dispose of the bodies. He knew that they would be found sooner or later, whenever the fuck trash day was in Japan, so he immediately thought of an easy way to pin it on someone. Earlier on in the day he had found a lapel pin belonging to some small-time gangster in a taxi (he learned that members of yakuza gangs wore pins with their clan crests to denote with faction they came from, some shit like that), and it was still in his pocket. He pulled out the pin and his handkerchief, wiped the pin and knife clean of his prints, and tossed them onto the pavement next to the dumpster. He then wiped the blood splatters from his shoes until they shined once again, cleaned off the blood from his hands, and returned the handkerchief to his pocket. Irritated as all hell, he trudged back home and went straight to bed.

The next morning, Joon Gi saw a report of a double homicide on the news. Some yakuza lieutenant was charged with two counts of murder, the bodies trashed in a dumpster and wallets cleaned. One body didn’t even have a face, the other looked like his head was partially lopped off. The killer was arrested upon identifying his pin, which he claimed had lost on his way to some club. He killed the two for wanting to rob a yakuza lieutenant and, not knowing what to do, tossed them into the dumpster like discarded garbage and dropped the pin he had on him all along. According to the anchorwoman, it looked like concrete evidence enough for a unanimous decision in court, and he would most likely be getting ten to life in prison. It seemed almost impossible to contest.

The fried fish he ate never tasted so good. Joon Gi couldn’t help but smile. Who knew Japan would be this fun?

[spartiatis-foinix]

Found an old drabble of mine about Dragon age

She intrigued him to say the least. This so called herald of Andraste a dalish elf, and a damn fine good looking one as well. The day samson saw her conscious for the first time was on the battlefield he knew there was something different, or a little bit off about her. when she fought she had that slightly crazed look in her silver eyes it was the same look samson has when in the thick of battle. while she moves across a battlefield like a dancer, her eyes told a completely different story. It was one of fear, anger, joy, and desperation, and turned samson on in every single way. The only person Samson knew of that could push his buttons was Cullen, and in some way Mercury had found all of them sheerly just to push him over the edge so that she could have a nice laugh and a smirk that made Samson growl. Things got complicated soon after a couple flirting attempts back and forth between Mercury and Samson because he fucked up and developed feelings for her. never before had he felt this way about anybody; was he supposed to be up front? show a couple kind gestures then be up front? figuring them for nothing he repressd them in hope of continuing his work, but to no avail, these feeling that surfaced for the young elf had caused him to become a bumbling mess around her like a chantry school boy virgin. Mercury lavellan collapsed onto her bed in heap of exhaustion, not bothering to take her armor off. The trip back from the Western Approach weighing heavily on the elf mostly due to her companions bickering. Blackwall and Dorian argued almost the entire way back because of a fireball incident, which she quickly settled by pulling out her daggers adding to that multiple groups of raiders attacked causing Mercury's patience to deteriorate very quickly. Every Time a group attack she struck so quickly she was almost invisible and dropped them before they even realized what was going on. A loud knock at her door caused the young elf to let out a shout hoping it would scare the visitor away. The response was knock that soon followed her fit of rage, the snow haired elf stalked up to the door and opened it with a slam. Dorian leaned against the doorway with a bucket of water filled to the brim in his hand,"Dorian whatever you're about to do with that bucket I suggest you rethink it" she growled through grit teeth. "Trust me snowball you'll thank me" he grinned throwing the buckets contents at her. Mercury let out a scream that echoed through Skyhold while Dorian opened a portal and left before she could grab him. Looking down at herself, Mercury shook some of the water off slamming the door behind her. She quickly started releasing the clamps on her leather armor leaving her in nothing but soaking wet thin undershirt. As she turned a large slam caused her to jump with a squeak. A large man in full armor bust through the door sword drawn ready for a fight. His armor was pretty simple it was mostly steel, but the most noticeable parts were his shoulders guards each had a large spike coming out of it and a wolf pelt turned into pauldrons that went down his back and tail crossed his broad chest. She looked him dead in the eyes and saw him turn a new shade of red, "Samson umm.. I" she whispered. In response he laughed a bit, "Bloody... Inquisitor if you wanted me to see you like this you didn't have to pour water on yourself... Wait I mean... I'm gunna go" he stuttered and ran out of the room. Walking to her balcony overlooking Skyhold SHE took a deep breath, "DORIAN GET YOUR ASS UP HERE IMMEDIATELY" Mercury screamed, hearing it echo. A loud crack caused Mercury to turn with her fist balled to collided with Dorian. Recalling back, the mage held his face where she had hit him,"now that was hardly called for I just increased your chances with the commander" "BY embarrassing me" she retorted "That was more for him than you" "Why he's not interested anyway" "On the contrary Lavellan he wants you just as bad as you want him" "And how would you know" "By the Maker you should see the looks he gives you when you turn away. It's like a wolf looks at prey. And you give him the same look. Both of you wolves I tell you" "Ar.. Are you sure" "If you don't I'll get Cole and he can explain all this to our commander" "You get Cole involved I'll kick your ass into next week" "Of course you will" Dorian finished and disappeared into a portal. The Inquisitor paced back and forth outside Samson's office contemplating opening it. Working up the nerve, Mercury reached for the handle and ended up falling from it swinging open. Samson caught the elf right before she hit the ground and looked into her deep grey eyes and gave her a polite smile helping her up. Mercury gave her knight in shining armor a giggle and stood up, "we need to talk... Alone" she said her normally pale face turning red. stedying her Samson led them of to the battlements to the right of his office. Mercury scratched the back of her neckand looked away, "nice day we're having right" she said awkwardly. the commander gave her a look of confusiion, the bloody fuck you talking about Inqusitor" "Look Samson i find myself thinking abou yo... shit i dont know how to say this" Mercury sighed "I know what you're trying to say, but i'm not responding until i hear you say it" he said with a smirk "you asshole. fine... Samson i feel things about you and i really want to...umgh" she started, but was soon cut off by samson wrapping his arms around her waist,"that's what i wanted to hear you bloody beautiful creature" he said with a grin. Lavellan put her hands on his thin beard feeling the slight scratchiness of it and began to lean forward. feeling her hot breaths near his face got Samson more excited than he has ever been because this wasn't just some slut from the rose this was someone he actually felt and cared for. in that split second moment before their lips connected the door from samson office walked out on the two inquisition officials. "Commander Samson sir important message from sister nightingale" he said looking down at the paper. looking up he saw the two standing closely with the inquisitor standing looking away. "Bloody... the fuck do you want boy" Samson barked at the recruit "u..umu..umm..." "FUCKING SPEAK" "the message from lady nightingale you said you wanted it immediately" Samson stared down the recruit with a look of murder in his eyes, seeing this the recruit ran back inside slamming the door out of fear. Looking at her commander Mercury blushed a bit, Samson if you don't have time righ.." she was then cut off again with a rough kiss from the Commander of the inquisition. after a minute or so the two took a breath of air, "got carried away" Samson apologized, "that what you wanted" he asked looking at her silver eyes with deep care. scratching her chin she thought, "i don't know might need another kiss from my big bad wolf" she responded, and with that Samson lifted her off her feet and sat her down giving her a gentle kiss that felt like it lasted forever. pulling apart Mercury giggled, "what what is it" Samson worried. the young elf looked the commander in the eye and spoke, "people call you the big bad wolf of skyhold. and from where i am you don't look that big and bad", with the grin of a wolf Samson picked the elf up again positioned his mouth next to her ear, "i got something big and bad to show ya" he growled in her ear before putting her down, "get to my bedroom and ill show you what a real wolf is like" he said slapping her ass as she walked into the office.