#BTW!! He’s supposed to look mesmerized but also surprised and same time

[deviousdrtruffles]

Stargoth WIP😼

OUUUU SAVE ME STARGOTH‼️‼️ HEAL ME STARGOTH‼️‼️

I really love it so far so I’ll definitely finish this!(Can’t say when though🤧.)

Also Buddy with a larger nose. Yeah that’s it. Buddy with a larger nose.

[venusparker]

billet-doux↬ p.p

prompt: peter was never quite good at saying words, so he doubts he’s any better at writing them.

warnings: prepare for the fluff and cuteness overload. i’m in that kind of mood. also super long btw. (and i did not reread this that well so if there’s typos i’m sorry)

notes: hope you all like this because i’ve been thinking of writing a more peter centric, less reader type of fic. also i’ve been wanting to write a lovey dovey one. i’m thinking of writing some more ned leeds stuff as well so if you guys have any ideas, just send them in!

Billet-doux.

The words repeated in Peter Parker’s head like an echo, his focus varying between the miscellaneous thoughts in his head and the piece of crumpled notebook paper on his desk. The paper was free of lettering, but covered with ink stains and crinkles from the sweat he has mustered up the minute he got the idiotic idea in the first place. A billet-doux—what was he thinking writing you a love letter? Really, he wasn’t sure. The particles of dust in the sun floated down as he stared hopelessly and aimlessly in front of him, eyes almost pitiful. Peter had never been a good writer, nor did he think he could sum up how much he cared about you on only a single mere sheet of paper, a paper whose college-ruled lines were incapable of capturing all the love a boy his age could feel about someone as breathtaking and as quiescent as you. A fool he was, frankly, thinking that just because he had heard the words in class, or that because the one time he would decide to do something even slightly out of spontaneity, it would work out seemingly.

Then again, this is the constant cycle, the same speech he tells himself everyday–or at least nearly, practically, overwhelmingly everyday–before he once again strings together the words and expressions and phrases that could even come close to describing the levels of anxiety and longing you filled him with. In his head, it was romantic and everything you ever wanted, with no awkward pauses in between paragraphs with commas in places where commas didn't belong and crossed out adjectives that sounded more as though they were written by someone who was five, not fifteen. In reality, when he'd reread everything, he was a sappy writer. Sappier than he wanted to be; but he couldn't help it. He really wasn't all that good with saying the words he wanted, so he doubted he was any better at writing them. Eventually, the paper––another one of many––would become a filled up, scribbled upon letter, with his messy, scrawled handwriting curving his y's and making it possible to see a slur within his s's. And, just as eventually, he'd stash the letter away in the same place he stashed all the other ones, and it wasn't that shocking to know that they were in an old folder that he once used for AP US History when he had been more focused on school and less on superhero-ing.

It wouldn't be surprising to know that he doesn't keep the letter that far from his suit.

Today, the letter had been longer than the others. Most of them had started out the same way, reminiscing how adorable you looked, or how hilarious he finds your quick wit and clever comebacks towards Michelle whenever you two went at it in class. He would know, considering he was sitting next to you for all of it, everyday, ever since he started high school. But today, he truly went all out. One of his tawny eyes closed in concentration, mouth pursed, head tilting slightly while reading it all over, and wondering, wondering, wondering: why couldn't he just say this all to you out loud?

He thinks it's just because it's easier for him to script all these emotions down and never show them, or at least have the guarantee of his voice not being shaky or breaking, than to have the rejection from you. Aunt May had found them once, much to the red-faced and flustered Peter's dismay, when she was cleaning his room after the umpteenth he said he'd clean it but didn't. She had reached under his bed to grab old and dirty laundry, when instead her hand had found the letters, and after that Peter had moved them and made a reminder to lock his door. That still didn’t stop May from bringing up every chance she got.

“You should show them to [Y/N]!” She had advised once before, preparing some cauliflower in a stove pot. He only responded with a curt sigh and a shrug.

He didn’t think he’d ever show them to you. Especially not this one, the one that truthfully portrayed what he thought about you and how much he liked you, how much he wanted to spend most of his time with you.

––It’s day three hundred and seventy-eight since I’ve been best friends with you. Is it weird that I counted? It probably is, but you know me and I know you. So, I know that you know how weird I already tend to be. Besides the point—what I wanted to say was that, today had to be the most mesmerized I have ever been with you. Is that cliché? I know it is. But even though you always say you hate cliches, deep down you love them, because who doesn’t love clichés?

He wants to cringe at his own words, but instead he finds his lips curling into a grin, a grin holding back the burst of happiness that exploads within him at the mere mention of you.

[Y/N]...you’re, well, awesome everything to me such a great person, honestly. This is the sixth love letter I’ve written which is so dorky. I’m supposed to be a badass, remember? I’m Spider-Man! And incredibly cute. Why am I writing a love letter? Why have I written six of them? Because to be fair, I’m scared of you. You’re scary and intimidating, even though you don’t think you are. But what I want to say is, I’ve loved you every minute of every day or every month I’ve known you. It’s like no matter how hard I try to get you out of my head It’s no good.

Do you have any idea how much I wanna grab your face and kiss you on the goddamned mouth? With consent, of course. I’d always ask first. But you know that. I know I do. I do, I do, I do. I want to do everything with you. I want to visit bookshops with you—

He stops reading the letter and closes his eyes for a moment, only to open them a moment later when he receives a call from you. The ringtone is different because you asked him to change it, considerably because yodeling was never a good choice for a ringtone anyway, and you never understood why he was the way he was. His eyes flicker to the last line of the letter before answering your call.

I want to wish I could tell you this in person.

Peter enjoys writing about you, if he’s being honest with himself. It’s easier than drawing, which is the route most people takes, including Michelle. Sometimes, if Michelle is feeling less cynical than usual, she’ll give him a peak of a sketch of whichever boy or girl or whoever she liked that present week. The detail encapsulated with each line of lead interested Peter, but he wasn’t good at drawing pictures. He was good at taking them. But he already has quite a few of you, and they’re all hung up around his desk or strewn somewhere around his room where it seems messy but it’s just the way Peter likes things to be. He always somehow finds where everything is, including that one picture of the two of you at Coney Island that is currently shelf hopping around his room (and by currently, he means continuously).

He also likes writing about you because it makes it easier to pretend and make you the main character of the cheesy John Hughes movie he’s piecing together in his head whenever he sees you. He doesn’t expect anything from you. He just likes thinking about you. In his sentences and paragraphs, you were never a doubtless fantasy object—Peter had more respect for women and men and people than that—but it allowed him to imagine that somewhere there was a universe in which he had even a sliver of confidence buried deep within his gut that could someday push him into confessing all that he felt for you.

“And what are you thinking about, Mr. Parker,” you teased, interrupting him as he glanced up and grinned as you came into his field of view. His mouth also let out a sigh that was breathey and he licked his lips that were being nipped at by the cold New York air.

“You know...stuff.”

He said it in a way that sounded like him, which never really made sense to anyone but you two. Peter always sounded excited or nervous or innocent without intending to and he often hated it. The response only resulted in you lifting a brow as you sat next to him on the roof of his apartment building.

“Stuff...right. Is Tony Stark working you too hard? I’m sure there’s only so much web you can create on the daily,” You mutter, partly to yourself, but Peter still shoots you a look and nudges you gently with his elbow. “What? Am I wrong?”

”No, you’re ridiculous is what you are,” He retorts, rolling his eyes. His lips still threaten to split into a smile. ”I’m not thinking about that stuff.”

“Peter, would it kill you to be less vague? You’re really killing it with this superhero thing, aren’t you? You could use more descriptive nouns, you know.”

“Trust me, I have,” He starts, but he catches himself.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You ask him, but he doesn’t reply, he just stares intently at his backpack (his new and last one, according to Aunt May who was at her wits end with Peter’s ongoing backpack crisis). He had brought it up here to do some of his homework and focus, mainly because May was doing yoga and watching a workout DVD and he couldn’t handle all the noise. But he also brought along his second secret (six second secrets to be precise), in case inspiration struck, only to have you arrive unannounced ten minutes later. Big mistake.

He grabs his backpack, which was still severely unzipped and open, and tries to hoist it up on his shoulders, but you grab it.

“Pete, what’s up?” Peter doesn’t like when you worry about him, because it only reminds him of how much he really likes you. And how much he probably shouldn’t. Ned told him that the lines between your friendship were already blurred, but that just made Peter want to repaint it.

He’s awkward and he’s a gigantic dork, but around you he doesn’t find it a problem. When his feelings surface, that all changes.

“I gotta take care of––“

“Let me guess: stuff,” you finish for him, grabbing his backpack suddenly, spinning around to investigate it’s contents. “Whatever you’re worried about is in here!”

“Ever heard of privacy, [Y/N]? Come on, giveee,” he panics and whines, immediately grabbing for his bag. He’s careful and it’s only causing him to fail at taking it back. But he knows it better than disregarding his super strength and potetionally needing to ask May for another backpack. Or hurting you.

Almost certain you’ll find nothing, you start huff, until your eyes land on a stray piece of paper. It has Peter’s handwriting on it, his unmistakable and familiar handwriting, and you pull it out and hold it up triumphantly after skimming through the first lines.

“That’s what’s bothering you! You like someone!” You’re dodging his hands, and for a superhero, Peter’s never felt so slow. “Who is it? Can I read it?”

Deep down, it hurts to know that Peter likes someone. Your best friend. But you knew that the person must’ve been special for him to write about them. You knew Peter, and he never wrote unless it was occasionally for the school newspaper.

“No!” Peter snatches it from your hands, but you tumble forward, latching onto his arm as the both of you fell on your backs.

“Give it to me! Peter!”

Thus began the wrestling match. Peter had always, always known how competive you were, and determined, and he fondly remembered how you almost cried when he threw you the blue shell in Mario Cart. (You didn’t talk to him for three days.) He thought of taunting you lightly, with scattered of words of what, you want this letter? or sorry, i don’t know what you’re talking about, but figured they would only fuel your eagerness even more and he also knew how stubborn you were. And so, he resorted in hiding the letter behind his back as you leaped onto him, again and again, the both of you grabbing onto each other’s limbs and the thin piece of paper.

“Ha,” you yelled, finally sitting on his chest, holding the paper up high as you scanned a few sentences.

A few sentences was enough to see your name. Your name, written around like ink blots after words like beautiful and amazing, and around the crossed out errors and the small doodles he had taken the liberty of adding. Peter had only shouted, “[Y/N] don’t forget that we are on the roof and I will not hesitate to push you off!” as a joke, but gone increasingly quiet at the sight of the letter finally being in your hands.

“It’s...me.”

That was all you had to say, mainly because you hadn’t thought of anything else clever enough. Peter chewed his lip nervously underneath you and ran a hand through his hair, mumbling an apology.

"I know, it’s dumb. But could you give it back? I’d rather not face rejection with you also reading it. That’s too embarrassing.”

“Peter, I-I don’t know what to say.”

“Maybe you should try writing a letter.”

You smacked him lightly on the chest and got off him, helping him up. He may have tried to be sarcastic with you, but he was an open book. The nervousness and anxiousness was plastered all over his face like freckles, and his lips parted as he tried to steady his breathing. He fiddled with the hem of his dark blue physics-pun t-shirt and rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet.

“So...so do you like it?” He has said it so softly, you could have mistaken it for a gust of wind. Peter had thought about every scenario, every worst case scenario in his head and it was as if a nightmare was currently happening. Well, minus the gigantic spider (he knows, ironic isn’t it?).

“Yea,” you croaked, voice and throat suddenly dry. You cleared it and continued. “Yes. I mean, Peter, why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to. I like you, a lot. But I can’t just go up to you and spill it all out of mouth like slobber. That’s why I wrote some of those.”

“Woah, woah, some? There’s more?”

Peter groaned and wished that he had the superpower of teleporting to anywhere but here. “I’m going to stop talking now.”

“Pete, you do realize I need to read them all right? Now that I know they exist,” you told him, following him as he tried to turn away from you to hide how ashamed he was.

“Stop,” he whined, visibly pouting. “Just forget it, okay? This was so stupid.”

You stopped him from walking off, pressing your hand to his chest. Giving him a small smile, you pressed a kiss to his cheek, and you swore you felt him melt into your hand as it stayed there, caressing his face. It felt strange to some extent, holding your best friend the way you were, but nothing felt different. Well, not too different, not really. Sure, there was a little awkward tension now that the proclamations of love this boy had for you in paper had been read by your own eyes, now raveling around the nerves in your head—but this was the kid you knew inside and out.

If anything had changed in your friendship, relationship, whatever you and Peter had—it felt good, right.

“You don’t have to show me them if you don’t want to. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, and if I did, I’m sorry. But if it makes you feel better, I like you too. You big nerd. And that love letter? Really sweet.”

“You really liked it?” He mutters, eyes finally meeting yours, the glint in them almost sheepish. “You’re not just saying that?”

Eyes locked, you had no hesitation in your answer as you stare in wonder at the boy in front of you, hopeful, passionate—your idiot.

“No,” you whispered. “I’m not just saying that.”

[jennibeultimate]

Personal recap about Internationaux de France 2017 Men

Actually this time it is even more personal then ever before, because I was in the crowd when all that happened and you can bet I cheered as loud as possible! What an experience 😊 !

So I am gonna do it by placements for the Top 3 this time:

About Javi:

Congrats Javi on winning the GP! So glad you had such comeback after Cup of Disaster! 👏👏👏

Javier had an amazing SP! 👏👏👏 It was very good and so beautifully performed! The Charlie Chaplin theme suits him very well!

I really did not expect him to falter so much in the FS though! He looked amazing in training (yes I saw all the trainings!)! He did not pop his jumps, did never fall, landed all quads cleanly, so the falls in the actual FS came as a big surprise to me.😶 But all in all it was still a nice program and it fits him well too. 😁

After seeing Javi live, I really appreciate him so much more.

And just btw I would not count Javi out of the medals at the Olympics, his SP at IdF showed that he can post top scores (higher than Nathan or Shoma ever got in the SP). In the end it depends if he can go clean, but this is a big question for all Men competitors.

About Shoma:

Congrats for making the GPF 2017!👏

First of all Shoma is the main reason, why I went to IdF at all!😍 So he will always be the greatest to me even when he really was not showing his best performances!

I did not expect him to be perfect in competition at all. Contrary to Javier he was also quite off in training, he was shaking his head about his jumps, he was poping lots of jumps, the 4F was not working at all. (Funny that the Flip let him down but his Lutz worked quite well for him, usually something he always messes up, so I really wondered why he brought it in the first place.) You could see Shoma was not in his best condition, he looked so tired more than usual! 😭 (I just hope he is not hiding a serious injury and it was just because of loss in training due to the flu he had 🙏)

About Shoma's SP: The costume is sooooo beautiful! No picture can show the true beauty of this costume! It looks like "Winter"😍! I don't know how Shoma managed to land his 4T+3T, his 4F was way off! He was really giving all he could and it was still a mesmerizing performance if you take away the fall! (But well you know I am a little biased in my opinion about Shoma 😉)

About Shoma's FS: I admire his determination to fight through all this and that despite all that happend in training he did not pop his jumps! He could have lowered his BV after seeing Javi not having the best FS, he may even have won with a watered down routine. But it would not be Shoma if he would go for less than what he wants. Maybe he wanted too much. The 4Lo was a true beauty! 😍The Lutz was even a Lutz this time (at least it did not look so suspicious as usual)! The second half was a real fight for him and I think that affected the performance (so judges still giving him high PCS shows that they really like Shoma). I think he was relieved that it was over. He really slumped into Mihoko's arms.

And 2nd place is still a good result!

Some tidbits about Shoma: Only two men skaters watched other skaters perform live in the rink. Alexei Bychenko and Shoma! He watched most of the first group of the Men while warming up for his SP, he even posed for a selfie with a fan in his warm-up. He jogged in the rink while the others performed. It does not seem to bother him at all what other skates do.

About Misha:

Congrats Misha you got a medal in a GP! And it is his last GP ever! 👏👏👏 I am just sorry for you that it was not a real medal, instead a plastic star 😰😰😰!

Misha was the true champion of this competition! He did all his jumps cleanly and showed once again that you don't need quads to get far. He left a lot of quadsters behind and he has something some skaters lack: True Artistry!

I was so glad to see Misha, because it was like the last chance to see him live!

I was really happy with the podium! 😁 Not quite what I expected but this is a great podium!

About other skaters:

The French Kevin Aymoz stood out to me. He has artistry, just not so stable jumps and no quads! Beautiful music choices! (He did the exact same mistake on his 3A as in training!)

Vincent Zhou is a great quadster, but if the jumps are not working, there is really nothing left of the program. One choreography sequence with two spread-eagles don't count as program! His jumps have not worked in training either! So I am not sure why he sticks to his 5 quad programs if he does not land them! I don't think he is not artistic, but the jumps really take away from his artistry skills. (It did not help that French skater Romain Ponsart had the same music, he even got more PCS than Vincent)

Vincent has the 2nd highest BV after Nathan Chen with his 5 quads, so far it did not bring him any good results this season!

Denis Ten has beautiful music choices and it is so sad to see that he is not in his best condition, he needs to fight for every jump. He really has beautiful skating, but he is so far away from his former self it is really really sad.

Alexander Samarin...I don't know..I think his music choices fit him well and it is something different than what other skaters use and I like that, but I am really not into his skating. His jumps are great, but his skating lacks something I can't really name. But he changed his outfit!!! This is a major improvement.

About the event:

One good thing first:

Thank you Grenoble for making it possible to see the training sessions! (Even though we would have liked to go to the Gala training too)

Omg what were they thinking when they decided on the plastic stars instead of medals? 😵😱😱😱 (Can you even hang them?)

The skaters really had fun with it and took it with humor, but okay what should they do? (Shoma used it as a plate for all the things he got 😂)Who could have thought that it could get worse than GPF 2016 plastic medals!

Electronic flags again! What is so hard about organizing real flags???

The announcers were funny. French and English don't go well together. When there was supposed to be an English translation only a couple of words were in English, the rest was still in French. So I don't get why they tried to translate at all. But anyway thanks for the effort! 😉

Sorry for the longest of posts! If you made it til here thank you for reading and feel free to comment or drop a question in my inbox.

[mitakamirai]

"i'm sending it."

"sending what?" my bestfriend asked, obviously intrigued and curious at the same time.

that moment, i just finished writing a note that i plan to send to my crush. my hands were shaky and a little messy with ink from the pen. i took a good look at the brown craft paper folded in half in my hands, fingertip tracing over the letters embedded in the paper.

congratulations! you did great last night. btw, you're a great dancer & rly cute. have a nice day!

"a note," i reply to her. "but only if i arrive earlier. if not, nevermind."

i snorted at the idea. yeah, it seemed way too farfetched. the guy doesn't even know me. he was just someone i had a crush on and that his classroom was just across the hallway. some coincidence.

my bestfriend just laughed, "if you don't do it. i'll do it. you were so quiet during their performance earlier too." god, she can be so scary at times.

i shrugged, taking one of my washi tapes and ripped a small piece, just enough to stick the two ends of the paper shut. i placed it down on my bed and stared at it. i probably stared at it for a good ten minutes, internally debating whether i should send it or not. during my internal debate, i grabbed my pen and wrote his initials on the front of the paper. my hand was shaky still. that was the second time i had written his name.

today was the second day of p.e. cheerdances. i was present, of course. i had to help my friends. i was helping them stitch their jogging pants for their performances later. my crush's ex girlfriend also asked me to stitch hers, and i couldn't say no. nobody outside my circle of friends knew about my feelings, so it was wrong to refuse her. oh, my crush was also performing today.

i tried to be as calm as i could, although one of my friends couldn't stop teasing me about it. i wish she'd shut up for a moment. it hurts in a different way.

everyone was busy. everything was buzzing around. but i was more than happy to lend a helping hand to them. i even helped them cleaned their classroom, bought some of them some food and drinks. it was a busy day.

i was chilling in the hallway with my best friend and she'd occasionally tease me whenever he (my crush) passed by. i wrote his name on a small scrap of paper to hand to my best friend as she was curious as to "which name is my heart beating to." i almost panicked when he passed by when my best friend viewed the scrap, not like he could see it. but who knows, right?

and i couldn't help but steal a few glances here and there. i must admit, their outfits were a little—uh—not as good as i had hoped, but he still looked adorable. how i wish i could look at him a little longer, but it was time to coop up in the gym to watch everyone perform. i was excited for my friends, and him.

my crush's class performed first before my friends and needless to say, i was mesmerized by him. okay, that sounds a little cheesy. but i was. i never knew he could dance so well. all i did was clap, not that i didn't want to cheer. i was just.. distracted. because of it, my bestfriend wouldn't stop teasing me about it. and for the rest of the remaining performances, i didn't see him.

my friends were on a whole 'nother level. they placed 3rd and 1st runner ups! i was so so proud of them. i'm glad to have helped them gained their success somehow.

i got up to leave before the gates were crowded but i stopped in my tracks upon looking over to the gazebos. there he was. sitting there, with someone i am unfamiliar with. i immediately hid behind the stack of chairs — as if he was gonna notice someone looking at him. but i hid anyway. i watched him smile and laugh with i presume his friend, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. the sight of him all happy and smiley made me so happy. i let one more minute pass by before i headed home.

and that's how i ended up here. it was on a whim really, to write this note and to possibly send to him tomorrow. i don't even know what lies ahead if i do end up sending this, or just keep it. i just know that maybe this is worth the risk. i slept on my messy thoughts that night.

i woke up a little later than i usually do the next morning, and i was surprised that the third floor was empty. perfect. i pulled the note out of my pocket and glanced at it one last time, writing down his grade and section on the last minute in case it got lost, then oh fuck. where do i put this? the window on the door? nah. it'll fall off. inside? no, no, too creepy. aha! i beamed, wedging the note just between the door, right next to the doorknob. i'm sure they'll notice it there. i didn't want to stay, or else i'll be suspicious, so i went down to the convenience store to hopefully find a snack to calm my nerves.

i had my full attention on my phone while walking up the stairs that i didn't even notice the person who was walking in front of me. it was only then that i arrived on the hallways that oh shoot, it's him.

i could hear faint voices in the background calling out to him, saying he's got a love letter. that made my heart jump, as if it wanted to get out of my ribcage. i panicked.

gladly, i spotted a friend. "hey! come on, let's go get coffee!" i say shakily, but enthusiastically, and mercilessly dragged him out, but not before i stole one last glance at him taking my note from where i slipped it. god, i swear my heart was about to burst.

"i left a note for my crush," i blurted out, almost monotonously to my friend while walking down the stairs.

"wow, you actually did that?" i groaned. "i saw him take it! listen, my heart's about to meddle with my other organs and i need coffee."

"you're something else." my friend says with a hearty laugh. i punched his arm.

"i sent it," i say to my two best friends after returning from getting my morning coffee.

"sent what?" - best friend number 2.

"a note. she congratulated her crush," my best friend gave me a look. and i could only groan. "can't believe you did that."

"neither can i." i say, taking a sip of my iced coffee. but i slowly came in terms with it. well, i suppose he's just gonna throw it away. everybody else did. and with that, the burden of writing that first note went away.

i wrote a second note a few weeks later, just a day after exams, to congratulate him again for getting through first quarter. but it was a disaster.

i did the same tactic as i did with my first note, but this one did not end well. it, unfortunately, fell on the floor. and when i was about to slide it back in, i already saw him seated inside their classroom. and there were already so many people there. i tried my best to sneakily take the note from the floor and with a heavy heart, shoved it in my pocket.

for the next few weeks, i only admired him from the little window on the door, or sometimes in the hallway when our classrooms weren't open yet. it still baffled me how we ended up just across from each other. of course, the fact that his ex girlfriend was also right beside our classroom bothered me too. they kept comparing me to her, and i didn't know how to say that i didn't like it. i hated it. bringing me down is one thing, comparing me to other people is another. it messed me up a lot.

my best friend and i were super excited, it was finally weathering with you's premiere date tomorrow! i couldn't be more ecstatic. but i couldn't help but think about him. just a week ago i painted him a (fail, by the way) picture of miyazono kaori because i heard him and his friends sing to hikaru nara in the hallways. i wanted to watch with him, but it seemed impossible — again, he doesn't even know me.

i tried to paint again, this time, one of the teaser images for weathering with you. again, it was a fail. and i just stuck to write a note, jokingly of course. i had no actual plans on sending it.

i can go watch alone pero pweathering with you.

but i have an overly supportive but scary best friend and she, without any second thought, offered to hand the note to him personally. i declined her offer, of course. it was way too embarrassing. but she wouldn't stop and i know any better than to let heer. so i handed her the note and just asked her to not reveal my identity.

she came back hours later with the biggest grin on her face. this bastard actually did it. i asked her a few questions on what had happened, before i eventually started gushing about he had a nice voice. golly gee, i should not have done that.

and it was just that. nothing had happened. we didn't watch together or anything. just the same old school days.

it was september and it had been a good month and a week since i gave him the notes. i wanted to give more, but i saw no reason to.

it was currently the last period of the day and out of boredom, i was flipping through the pages of my notebook. surprisingly enough, the failed watercolor of the sky was there, the one with the lamest pickup line of pweathering with you. unfortunately, my nosy group of friends saw it and immediately snatched it out of my hands. i begged them time and time again to give it back because i hated it, the work was so ugly. and they begged me, time and time and time again to send it. i refused everytime.

but my bestfriend #2 had offered to send the note herself. and i knew in my gut that she was not joking. when it comes to things like this? she never does. i sighed in defeat and just waved her off. i wasn't expecting to get anything out of it anyway.

i left early that day, kind of running away from practice sort of leave. on my way out of the classroom, i saw their room was empty. i saw a few bags, but didn't saw his'. so i assumed he had gone home already. i snickered and shook my head, all too confident that my friends' plan was going to fail.

i got home and changed into my pyjamas. luckily, nobody had messaged me asking where i was. or so i thought.

"come down! your classmate is here to see you!" i heard my mom call me.

oh fuck.

i took a moment to pace around in my room, causing my mother to call me twice. my mind was sure that it was my group's leader looking for me, and i had second thoughts on changing back into my uniform because she might scold me. but in the end, i just went down in my pyjamas.

i was a little taken aback to see my best friend instead. i wonder if our leader sent her? she had nothing, but a big grin on her face and pulled out what seemed to be a folded index card out of her pocket.

i took a good look at the index card she held up and i could've sworn i stopped breathing for five seconds. i know that logo.

i closed the front door behind me and immediately almost tackled her to the ground. she was laughing at how nervous i was when i took the note. i didn't know what to feel. i didn't expected this. at all.

she goes on to explain what had happened but her voice became a little muted because i was so focused on the note in my hand. my heart was drumming loudly against my ribcage and i found it hard to speak properly.

i opened the note together with her and there was only one content. his phone number.

my best friend stayed for a good five minutes listening to me ramble about how i was feeling all sorts of emotions before she bid goodbye for the day. i went back inside and hid the note inside my pyjama pants so my mom wouldn't see. i plopped onto my bed and just stared at the note. i was in utter disbelief. i was shocked. i was.. happy even.

and god, i could've sworn i spent around fifteen minutes constructing a good starting text. and hit send for the first time.

i slammed my face into my pillow and just started whining. both out of embarrassment and nervousness. my hands were sweaty and shaking. i couldn't see my face but i know i was as red as a cherry when he had replied.

i tried to keep my cool. i really did. how do people just casually talk with their crushes? i feel like i could tear my apartment apart from this.

we spent the next hours texting and i couldn't help but feel nervous everytime he replied. and i embarrassingly overshared a bit, to which i regret immediately after he said goodnight.

when he tucked in for the night, i sprawled on my bed and stared up at my ceiling. my heart was still pounding. my brain was releasing serotonin at a rapid level. and i couldn't stop smiling. sure, i said some embarrassing stuff and overshared and all. but i talked to him. god knows how happy i was that day. and for the first time in what seemed like weeks, i slept with a smile on my face.

the next day rolls around and i wanted to talk to him again, but i didn't know how. it'd be lame to just say "hi, good morning," right? i wanted it to be somewhat unique as well. and i guess the best thing that came into my mind at that moment was to send a song.

looking back at it now, maybe sending a song was just as lame. but what's done is done. it did initiate a conversation anyway.

i walked into class with a big smile and had my attention to my phone the whole time. silly, i know. but i was still so happy that for the first time, i didn't mind about getting teased.

they (my friends) all encouraged me to meet him in person. all to which i said no. i was too shy. and i was also afraid that i'd disappoint him for my appearance. although i did tease him about not seeing me when i was in the hallway.

everything was fun and games until he, himself, offered to meet me. and i could feel my heart drop to my stomach. i started getting nervous again and refused him too. saying that i am not ready to meet him.

i scrambled through my art supplies to find whatever i need to bring for later's contemporary arts class when i stumbled upon the kaori painting i did for him. i groaned, it was ugly as fuck, and i don't know what had gotten into me that i messaged him:

i have this kaori painting i made for you a few weeks back. i'll give it to your later, then you can meet me.

i regretted it (again) but it was too late (again), because he had already said yes. thanks to that, i lost my appetite for lunch that day.

i purchased a box of milk for my lunch because i at least need to have something in my stomach or else, i'm gonna pass out. my legs were shaking but luckily enough, i got to the third floor.

i told my friends that i finally agreed to meet him. and they wanted to be witnesses. of course, i didn't want that. so i chose the time to sneak out of the classroom while they were busy so we could meet without any disturbances.

i walked out with the kaori painting in my hands, legs shaky and weak. i sat down beside the door to my classroom and messaged him that i was in the hallway waiting. holy shit this is it.

i saw him walk out of their classroom and i looked up immediately. he looked a little flushed, cautious even. i don't think he noticed me sitting on the floor just staring at him while drinking my milk. god, he was so gorgeous indeed.

and when he finally spotted me and asked, "is that you?" i gave the most wonderful first impression of choking on my milk. great.

i just nodded. i knew i said a few things but i really couldn't register what i was saying. all the while i handed him the (ugly) painting. my heart was pounding (it really went through a lot since yesterday) and my legs were still shaking. he handed the painting back to me and excused himself. and he smiled.

he smiled. at me.

i bit down on my straw and tried to relive his smile. he was smiling at me. and for once i saw him smile that was meant for me. maybe i sound a little dramatic but. it seemed so surreal. oh god, he's so beautiful.

i stood up, walked back in the classroom, got ready for p.e. class with my friends, and letting them drown in dread for not witnessing our first meeting.

but i could care less.

at least i got a moment out of it. a moment that meant so much to me.

i did not want to expect, so this time, i'll just ride the waves and see where this goes to.

but wherever it may lead, i'm pretty sure that it'll be worth it. besides, what's wrong with being a little risky in life?

[bites-kms]

Keep Austin Weird

Austin is a very special place. It really craved a big chunk of my heart. A merge of NY feeling, with Seattle memories and it’s Texan uniqueness. And of course, as always, this fondness relies on its people. Misfits, rebels, crazy, artists, and all that people that in other corners of traditional Texas may be judged, end up in Austin. And you are welcome too if you want to join! Attending to SXSW made it even more special, with all these creative souls walking around, exchanging smiles, ideas, words and emails. It was fantastic. I felt super inspired, grateful and for a moment, I felt like I belong to this crowd too. 

From Piano battles to standup comedy, there are a bunch of things I left undone due to the cluttered and intensity of the itinerary demanded by SXSW. But, very vaguely, but with much love, these are my top 10 things to do in Austin:

1) Shake it off at the The Broken Spoke 

Bring it on with the honky-tong. Feels like being part of a movie. After a long ride from Downtown Austin, one needs to cross the bridge before arriving to here, the middle of nowhere yet marvelous place. Don’t forget to bring cash with you for the entry fee. Grab your favorite local, or better yet, make yourself available for the nice and gentle Texan to approach you. In my case, Christian, an insurance runner with a farm and bird passion, taught me all the steps and secrets from the dance floor. It was great. Not only he knew about Uruguay, but he practiced his Spanish, patiently taught me all the movements of the local dance, and even invited me not only a drink which I gently declined, but a follow up lunch date. It’s ridiculous how talented Texan people are -  they have their music ingrained in their voices, bodies and minds. Christian was no exception. He sent me videos of him singing before our date to nail the deal. Wise move, amigo ;) We went on Quaresma Friday for some BBQ and he refrained himself from eating meat - of course I completely forgot and made an exception, indulging myself with all the delicious Brisket. And, thank you Lari for the boots, they made all the difference and made me a real Dancing Queen. #SisterhoodOfTheTravellingBoots <3

Yeap - I dressed up for the occasion, never felt prouder of myself! For a second or two, Christian really thought I was a local!

2) Wonder, enjoy and have fun by Sixth Street. 

This is Austin’s main street. Full of bars, antique stores, delis, souvenir shops, cafes, and more and even more bars, this is the place to be. Avoid staying on the street itself, but if your hotel is near by -which probably will be- this fun impromptu venue won’t disappoint. Its streets intersections all surround the Austin Convention Center and most of the main concert venues, cool cafes, fun dancing spots and delightful dinner restaurants will be around. Wonder Six Street and let it marvel you. It will be the best souvenir you’ll be able to take from Austin.

3) Go for hidden drinks at The Garage 

Ladies night was Garage night! What a great finding. Wondering Austin streets, there’s a modern parking space that looks oddly beautiful for being just a mere parking lot. Doubt about it. Go inside and go figure, there’s a hidden bar between their spaces, with the perfect ambience, the necessary small bites and the delicious tailored made drinks for a fun evening with friends or a casual date. 

4) Experience the beauty of the 7th fine art at Stateside Theater, Alamo Lamar and Paramount Theater 

How crazy it is to take one of those electric scooters and go across town with highways and bridges to watch a movie almost at midnight? Let me tell you, it takes some guts. Yet, I decided to go to watch the music short film festival and check out the Alamo. The proper name is “Alamo Drafthouse Cinema South Lamar”. It’s a unique concept where food and drinks are served within the venue while you watch your movie. Very similar to Nitehawk cinemas in New York, although this one was massive - hence, a little bit more ruined down. Also, it’s hard to keep up with the cleaning of the venues within SXSW, but yet it was a wonderful eve. Watching This is America by Childish Gambino in full screen as well as Boyish by Japanese Breakfast among others was amazing. And afterwards, there was a live performance of jazz, honky-dong and be-bop on the draft house next to it. Unfortunately, I already ordered the UBER and there were not so many around, so I enjoyed it for a few while waiting for it, and then left my scooter and went back to civilization to the Line Hotel, a beautiful boutique one where I was staying. I also had the opportunity to check out the Stateside and the Paramount Theater, both of them located at Congress Avenue, where many 2019 SXSW premiers were held, such as Us and Booksmart - which I ended up watching in Nitehawk with Caro later in June. I attended to these two venues for Come as You Are, great story in which three disabled men go on a road trip to lose their virginity at a special-needs bordello in this ingratiating remake of a Belgian film and Bluebird, a documentary about one of Nashville’s most celebrated and important venues, which has been a launching pad for new songwriters since 1982 - Including Taylor Swift! 

6) Go to Antone’s for a real music treat

Wow... I mean.... just wow! Was this magical or what? Thank you Z for dragging me to this venue and make me wait more than 2 hours with random yet cool artists to finally get to known and be mesmerized by Saint Paul and the Broken Bones. From 8 ‘till midnight, people were delighted by DJ Manny, Tameca Jones, Jacob Banks to finally end up with the high note of St. Paul. It was incredible. This powerhouse band made the roof came down in an intense, intimate yet powerful performance. The vocal lead Paul Janeway was absolutely incredible. With glitter and shinny dress-like outfit, he owned the stage from begging to end, specially while walking through the crowd, making it to the bar and singing on top of it, Coyote Ugly style. With his unique style and even rarest voice, this has been one of the most memorable concert experiences I ever had. As my friend Z would describe it: “When I tell you to wait, is because something worthwhile is coming. It’s a big dude, that sounds like a black woman’s voice, who belongs to a gospel choir”. - He was absolutely right..  SXSW Music Festival is really something out-of-this-word. To mention a few, imagine Tiny Desk Concerts held in a church, to Dj Windows 95 in Mercedes Benz Openhouse or Japanese Breakfast at the Mohawk, another iconic Austin Venue. Yet, the surprise happened during Sounds from Colombia night at Speakeasy, with Mojarra Eléctrica and Los Gaiteros de Ovejas when I met Idahosa Ness- which means, “he who only listens to God”. Nope, it was not a Colombian artist yet he lived in Colombia. He is this brilliant man from Austin which spoke more than 5 languages and learnt all of them through music and rap, decided to share his gift with the world by creating language learning tools in a start-up mode, traveling the world and enlightening each person that crosses his path in between. Yes, that’s the people you meet in the crowd. That’s the people you randomly run into SXSW. You can check out his project here, in The Mimic Method. Did I mention that he has a fantastic speech grandiloquence, and he looks like Lenny Kravitz (meaning he is damn hot!)?? Wow...I definitely won the jack pot that night! Thank you SXSW! Music does bring people together!

7) Feast yourself and treat your belly with a real Texas BBQ at Cooper Old Time Pit Bar-B-Que and Stubbs BBQ 

This indulgence was also fantastically yummy. With Brazilian friends on with a local date, Texas BBQ never goes out of style. I had the chance to try it twice, both in unique and renown locations. I didn’t make it to Franklin, which is suppose to be the most famous one, with queue and waiting hours outside included, under the tremendous heat or the pouring rain. Also, it is located further away, closer to the airport, so there was zero chance I would made it in the electric scooters over there. But, to be fair, Cooper and Stubbs were outstanding and I think I did have my authentic experience regardless. 

8) Attend to SXSW

I mean, what else can I say? I think it’s self introductory but in case your Tupperware is way too sealed, this is THE event that you should attend to (on top of Austin City Limits Festival, which is only reserved for music performances) “It’s an annual conglomerate of film, interactive media, and music festivals and conferences that take place in mid-March in Austin, Texas, United States. It began in 1987 and has continued to grow in both scope and size every year”. Wake up early, stay up late. Dont forget about the music. Chose your venues and talks wisely. Download the SXSW app and pre-book your favorite talk with a day in advance And also, very mucho important, book some time to mingle and relax. The conferences are awesome but so do the exhibits, the films, the pop ups, the branded experiences but mostly the people.

9) Visit some historical sites

From old Austin Congress, to fun and corky hotel venues (which happens to have a really cool pool, BTW) to wonder around beyond the highway, Austin has always a hidden, usually fun and weird surprise waiting for you. Don’t be afraid to explore - although keep the discovery during daytime!

10) HAVE FREAKING FUN!

This is almost another one for granted. Almost about everything you do in Austin will be fun, weird, memorable and ex(h)austin. And, if you are lucky enough, the activities you do will be all of these at the same time. Dont forget to check out the Vietnamese Elizabeth Cafe for a beautiful and delicious dinner, drop by The Mohawk, another iconic music venue where I had the chance to listen to Japanese Breakfast for the second time this year (and I could just keep going!), get your morning joe at the Royal Blue Grocery as well as the cutest Frida Kahlo earrings and don’t doubt to try the local breakfast freshly made, squeezed and prepared at Easy Tiger Cafe, which is as good as in it’s Beer Garden and Brewery after hours hours option. Cheers Austin! You’ve officially become one of my favorite places in the US <3

[latinalesbi]

Do you have a feeling one way or the other if The Fosters will be renewed for a 6th season? With them only shooting 18 shows instead of 20 made me wonder. (I read that somewhere). But then last night someone asked Bradly and he said there are rumors.

Peter also mentioned season 6 in an interview. Freeform doesn’t really have a more successful show (even though last week’s ratings were the worst ever, not surprising considering how awful the episode was). I think if they can’t get key players in place it’s not going to be possible. So, I imagine that’s what the rumors are about.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Hopefully Callie doesn't do anything with Russell. Her going there was so stupid. Thx just adds another traumatic even to her life. She doesn't need anymore trauma. Hopefully we don't see her acting out like she has been. I think she got some trauma from being in juvie.             

Doesn’t do anything? You mean like get raped? I don’t think we’re going there. Peter pretty much said that but the trial isn’t over either (sigh, le sigh, fuck me). He said, this is it for her though, a turning point. We will see. I am sick of her story.

Anonymous said:                                                                      this was one of the worst episodes this season, if not ever. last week's episode with the whole kyle twist was the right move. take this stupid storyline and make it about callie's character development and turn her whole "the system is rigged" ideology upside down. this could've been big. but no they had to make troy guilty, make callie right (wow! teen detective cracks the case! does it illegally! yay for criminal justice!!!).             

Yeah, I agree. And so did Vulture.com, which is usually up the producer’s ass. The Kyle twist would have had far reaching consequences for Callie. This just lets her be just as self righteous as before. I am sick of it, no one is always right, and Callie does not have a clue on how to do things right. I can’t stand it. I can’t stand the quick confession. It was terribly written with characters we don’t give a shit about and they’re doing it again with Diamond, literally no one cares.

And just so you feel a little angrier, they cut a Stef and Lena scene according to Peter on Afterbuzz.

Anonymous said:                                                                      So sick and tired of Callie getting in to truble like every 5min!!! Really hope season 5 will be less of these drama and more of the family love..             

Well, as Peter said:

Final thoughts on what to expect next season?Season 5 is a little bit of a reset to our family, our home, and the sort of simpler and brighter and happier times that our family really needs.

Let us hope that is true, it’s what the audience needs.

Anonymous said:                                                                      In the picture you post of Bts of Maia, Sherri and Teri.. The 4 picture in one. The one of Teri, looks like she got hit in the face. Might be just my eyes.             

Good call. There does seem to be something... Stef has some explaining to do in terms of her role in getting Callie in this particular mess. She wasn’t really looking out for her. Another terribly written story.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I hope AJ is still in the show a lot, despite not being with Callie anymore. Like it'd really upset me if they just stop his character from having screen time. I really like his character and he's more than just a love interest. I just noticed how he was on the show often when he was dating Callie and then suddenly after they break up he has no screen time. At least he is more of a main character compared to people like Wyatt

Peter said he’d be around but obviously not as much. Too bad we get rid of AJ and have to put up with more odious Aaron.

Anonymous said:                                                                      If Maia is in "Callie" clothes and is shooting a scene ifo the house, that must mean that Callie's okay, right? Like, the whole trafficking monkey business is short-lived?? I hope.    

I think she gets out of that in the first episode but that means another season opener filled with complete bullshit drama.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I finally saw last weeks episode. Now, Mariana has always been my favorite of the kids. But last week was the first time I ever disliked her. It was Emma's choice to have the abortion. I hope in 4x20 she apologizes and the two reconcile.             

Mariana who self invited her bio daddy to a house she doesn’t pay a single bill for, that Mariana? Yeah that Mariana is unlikable.

                                                                              Anonymous said:                                                                      I miss the old Jesús :( I was re watching the first episodes and seriously, everything about him is so different now. I liked him because he was so protective over his moms and the family in general (Even when he was together with Lexi) and now it seems like everything is just about Gabe or Emma. I don't why I haven't noticed before, but this Jesús sucks a lot.             

This Jesus has been Jesus for nearly 2 seasons and he just now had a nice scene with the moms. It’s ridiculous. I know this question is old but I feel exactly the same way, new Jesus is all about his bio daddy and his penis. I am sorry but that’s all I see. Old Jesus was handsome, gentlemanly and most importantly Latino.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I've noticed fosters ff has been super slow lately.. do you think it's because of a lost of interest in the show?             

I don’t know because I only follow Stef and Lena fanfic and that’s always been slow.                             

Anonymous said:                                                                      My finance, myself and many of our friends are die heart Fosters fans. We used to watch episodes live, now we DVR them & watch when we have nothing else to do (weeks later-fast forwarding most of the episode). These storylines (Daimond, Aaron, Gabe, Anna) are really sucking the want to watch out of us. Unfortunately, this has made us unsure if we will DVR or tuned in for the finale or next season.  Hope the show producers/showrunners do better & hope they don't lose more viewers due to this.             

You aren’t alone. It bothers me more than the fact that Stef and Lena weren’t allowed to kiss. The last few shows, I mean, I watched hoping they’d surprise me. I watched, hoping for some neat moments. I didn’t care at all about any of the main plots. AT ALL.

Anonymous said:                                                                      I just saw Maia Mitchell's instagram story and she was in the car with Robert and why does it look like Gabe is going to be meddling in family affairs I'm so done with this show             

There does seem to be at least a Stef and Lena scene, still,  I know episode 2 won’t be my favorite.

Anonymous said:                                                                      As someone who was born to a teenager, I definitely identify with Mariana being angry with Emma, as my entire existence is predicated on my birth mother's decision to not terminate her pregnancy. A abortion as an adopted kid is always a touchy subject, and I would like to see both pro-choice and pro-life arguments being presented.             

Wrong person to send this anon to. There’s only one person that gets to decide and that’s the pregnant woman. There’s no such thing as a pro-life argument for me. Sorry. I mean, not to get personal but since you did, how many of us are accidents? How many of of our lives were dependent on a such a choice. I was. I totally support any choice my mother might have made. If she had made the opposite choice, I wouldn’t care because I wouldn’t exist. It’s really a silly argument.                                                              

  Anonymous said:                                                                      sherri has MASTERED the look of love when looking at stef. in the episode when frank passed in the bathroom Lena is leaning on the sink mesmerized by her woman before she rallies the troops. that wonderful kitchen kiss scene when stef is having flashbacks. & in the making out in the rain scene. it's really beautiful to look at how much she loves her woman. also love stef stroking lena's face & then she pulls her chin up right before the kiss. these woman are absolute goals            

Anonymous said:                                                                      i'm the anon who just wrote about sherri mastering the look. in the making out rain scene one thing i love is seeing sherri smile into a kiss. she's so relaxed with teri now which means more from lena. after the cut back from jude clapping, that is my fav. angle they captured because you can see how close they are, like physically, second because we can see sherri smiling & then putting a bit more force behind the passionate kiss. i'll never be over that kiss. we're blessed             

Yep, gonna go watch it again!

  Anonymous said:                                                                      Why is Stef so cool about what Callie did ? I know the girl isn't going  to prison and I know Stef has to be supportive and all but Callie did all of this. It's on her and I don't understand why Stef and Lena are son nice with her. Even if they don't want her to suffer, I wish someone could tell her that what she did was wrong. Now we are supposed to feel sorry for her. I'm so tired of Callie. I wonder what happened to this character.             

They took her too far. This isn’t life is so unfair to me Callie that we could relate to. This is self destructive Callie who gives a shit about everything and it’s hard to relate to.

Anonymous said:                                                                      Does Lena have an EdD? That could help her a lot in terms of future employment if Anchor Beach goes private.             

My great big hope is that Anchor Beach goes fully public. Peter said it won’t be resolved in the way we expect so that’s what I hope. The charter has been revoked or whatever, if it’s an affiliated charter as it has been portrayed then the San Diego Unified school district would take over. The school is worth more than 10 million btw. That’s my opinion.

Lena having a PHD? I would assume so. Mike said she did but I have been unable to identify it on her wall.