#BRO WE MET LIKE 3 WEEKS AGO AND SPOKE TWICE

[ace-dodo]

When he says he loves me but he doesn't even know which one is my fav ninja turtle

[fourthwallhateclub]

Help me

Description: Emma is with Phoenix when she is kidnapped, can Bravo set aside their emotions in time to save her, or will they be too late...

A/N: I wrote some things like this over on Ao3 under “FourthWallHateClub”, this will eventually have a second part but with my ADHD I don’t know when that will happen 🙃 please feel free to send feedback on the fix, I know it’s shit but I live for shit so 🤭

@rebelreblogs

Emma's POV

Darkness... Floating... Silence... My eyes fluttered open and started to adjust to the light... where was I? The door slammed open,

"You're awake!" Was that... was that an Afghan accent? Then it all came back to hit me like a freight train...

48 hours before hand

"Sup Dalton." I said.

"Shut it Hayes." He said pissed off.

I turned to Mac with a questioning look, "Who pissed in his coffee?"

Mac smirked, "Don't take it personally, he's not pissed with you, he's pissed with Maddie. He was on his way to a football game with one of our old delta buddies when he got the call."

"It's..." I glanced at my watch, "1300 hours?"

"We we're gonna have a few beers!" Dalton groaned.

'More than a few.' I mouthed to Mac, he just coughed to stifle his laugh.

Matty walked in, tapping the glass creating a privacy screen, and clicked a button bringing an image up on screen. "Amir-Botzwat-Asharu."

"10 of clubs..." I breathed out in disbelief.

"International arms dealer, drug trafficker-"

"and grade-A prick." Jack stated matter-of-factly.

Mac snorted, "You can say that again."

"The guys been evading Phoenix since it was OPS, us personally for years, why are we concerned about him now?" I wondered.

"What's this got to do with us, CIA took over the case, why now?" Jack asked.

"If you’d let me talk, you’d know,” Matty said sarcastically, “He recently kidnapped and murdered an American. Phoenix have had him on our radar for a while now as you’re aware but the higher ups refused to green light the op to take him out, saying CIA had it handled. That all went to hell when their undercover agent was exposed, they shot him and put a bounty on everybody CIA affiliated."She said.

"We're on their SOS list Matty, we outrank some shitty little 'bounty' list." I said.

"Regardless, you, Dalton and MacGyver leave for the Middle East at 1600 this afternoon so you arrive at night, get your affairs in order because the big men upstairs say you don't leave till the jobs is done. You'll be properly briefed on the plane, but there are more pressing issues, you guys have up to date parachute qualifications right?"

"I don't like where this is going..." Jack mused.

"Me either..." Mac agreed.

"As much as I hate agreeing with you two shmucks, me three..." I said.

"Well whether you like it or not your jumping from that plane, there's no where for it to land where you'll keep your cover. Unless you want to walk 13 miles to where you'll be staying?" She challenged.

"WE'LL JUMP!!" We said in unison.

She smirked, "That's what I thought."

"Okay... where exactly are we going in the Middle East, and where are we staying?" I asked.

"You are going to Afghanistan."

"Fucking Trashcanistan?!? You've got to be kidding." Jack screeched.

Ah Dalton and his hatred for that place... he would get along with Uncle Sonny, man has a fear of bloody everything...

"SHIT!!" I yelled.

All heads snapped to me, "What's wrong Hayes?"

"Um... where exactly would we be staying?" I asked biting my lip.

"Navy base in J-"

I laughed nervously, "Would that be in J-Bad by any chance?"

"Yes, why?" Matty asked.

"We have a little problem..." I mumbled.

"And what would that be..." She mused, raising an eyebrow.

"My uh- my family was spun-up there a few weeks ago." I said.

"What do you mean Em?" Mac asked.

"I mean my family, is Bravo team. They are currently in the Middle East, and are stationed in J-Bad for the foreseeable future. What do we do?"

"I'm assuming that they were not among the people you told about your job?" Matty asked.

"No ma'am. Mac, Dalton, Bozer and Riley are the only ones who know..." I answered.

"You arrive at night anyway, you cover your tracks and stay as hidden as possible, don't talk to anyone and stay away from the sailors. Nobody is to know what you're doing there or who you are... to them you three are Black Rose, Hunter, and Eagle." Matty said.

"Yes ma'am."

"Well... get out of here."

We didn't need to be told twice, we were running out the door and to the squad room.

"What the fuck do I do?!?" I yelled as we entered the room.

"Want a hug?" Mac asked opening his arms. I nodded and walked into him tucking myself into his figure, "You'll be ok."

Jack's POV

"Wait! Is your dad the Jason Hayes, like Bravo 1, the legend?!?" I screeched.

"Uh- yeah.." Emma said pushing away from Mac and scratching her head.

"That explains a lot..."

"What do you mean?" She was confused.

"I mean, having worked with your father, I see where you get it from."

She laughed, "You are so old."

I gasped, "You mean we are so old. Mac and I worked together in the Army."

“No. You? You're old enough to be my dad. Mac? Is old enough to be my big brother." She laughed.

"Yeah, and we'll protect you like it too." I said hugging her shoulder.

"You won't have to do anything if my family spots me. I'll be on the first plane out of there and back home, complete with a tracker and navy seal protection detail. They'll never let me out of their fucking sight." She grumbled.

"You'll be ok. Let's get ready to rak out." I said.

"You're right."

I walked into my office and grabbed my rucksack and duffel. I met them back in the main room.

"List it Hayes."

She groaned, "Why???"

I smirked, "We're acting like the older brother and dad we are."

She rolled her eyes but spoke anyway, "I made sure my camping gear, fatigues and survival gear was in my bergan, along with Guns, ammo, knife and spare phones," we looked at her weirdly, "What? I'm sick of Mac breaking my shit. Dalton and I spend way to much fucking time at the Genius Bar creating new and inventive covers to explain what Mac does as is."

Mac raised his hands, "You got me."

She smirked, "I know I do, anyway, I grabbed my go-bag, passport and fake ID's."

"What's in your go-bag." I quizzed.

"Toiletries, Clothes, Cash, Raincoat, Matches, Lighter, Laptop, Flashlight, MRE's, water purification tablets, rope, duct tape, whistle, batteries, knife, and First aid kit. Why do we keep doing this?"

"Good, and we do it because we care." Mac said kissing her head.

“Ugh! Let's go." We headed out to Mac's truck and dumped our stuff in the back. She hopped in the back and we drove to Mac's place.

"Bozer!" Mac called.

"Sup guys." He said bro hugging Mac.

"We're heading out, I need you to take care of some stuff for us." Mac asked.

"Yeah ok, let me grab some paper." He said.

We walked into the kitchen and told him what we needed, Mac didn't need to worry because he lived with Bozer, so Em went first, "My rent is due first of the month, it auto pays but I need you to check on the seventh if I have mail just in case it didn't go through. I need mail collected on the 7th, 14th 21st, and 28th. Plants need to be watered but that can be done when you grab my mail, if anything happens there is a contact sheet folded in the draw of my desk, it'll tell you who to call, in what order. You good with that?"

"All good Em." He said with a smile.

"Thanks Boz."

"Your welcome, Jack anything you need." He questioned.

"I live next to Emma so same as her just no plants to water, if you could check on my place when you water Emma's plants that would be great, and there is a contact list in the box on top of the CD rack."

"Cool, I got it."

“Thanks Boz." Mac said walking back into the room with his bag.

"It's all cool man." He said.

We walked to the door before he called out, "Be safe, I want you back in one piece."

"We'll try Boz."

~Time skip brought to you by Sonny’s Bam-Bam~

We'd been briefed and where currently in our hammocks grabbing what sleep we could before we hit the ground running.

"Drop zone is up in 35."

"Let's go kids." I commanded with a laugh.

We packed up our hammocks and pulled on our jump suits. I strapped my duffel to the bottom of my bergan and grabbed my chute. Strapping my Bergan to my back I pulled the parachute over the top. I walked over to the ramp and waited for Mac and Em to join me.

"2 minutes to the drop zone"

"Ready ladies." I yelled over.

"We're coming." Mac laughed.

We attached to the central line and clipped in, we watched as the light turned on and the ramp lowered,

"5...4...3...2...1..."

The light turned green and we jumped. My drill instructors voice went through my head. Breathing Dalton... in for 2... hold for 4... out for 3... parachute in 3, 2, 1. Pull the cord. Release the parachute. Move your body vertical. Feet pointed down. Legs slightly apart. Hit the deck in 3...2...1. Land crouched. Bend knees and run forward 20 yards. Unclip and pull.

Emma and Mac landed next to me and we packed up our chutes.

"Base is roughly 1 click 228 degrees north east." I said.

"Comms up?" Mac asked.

"Yeah they are." Matty answered.

"Good." I said. "Let's go."

We moved our bergans to our fronts and held our duffel bags. We broke out into a jog eager to get out of the heat. Arriving at the 'base' we were met with our assigned CIA handler.

"Agent Jayden Riggs." He said offering his hand.

I shook it, "I'm Eagle, this is Hunter and she's Black Rose."

"Real names?" He asked.

"That's need to know." Emma answered.

“What do you mean, I'm your handler?"

"Look Riggs, we don't like spooks ok. We work alone, off our own intel. It's important our identities remain a secret." She answered shortly, that's my Hayes.

"Alright then, let's get you set up in cabins, Black Rose, you'll be separated from the men." He said as he started walking away.

"What?" I said.

"Gender sensitivity. Men and women are separated." He said like it was obvious.

"Yeah no, she stays with us. We don't care about gender sensitivity." Mac said before I could, reel in the big brother before you get yourself in trouble Mac.

"It's protoco-"

I cut him off, "Screw protocol, Black Rose stays with us."

"Of course." He relented.

He led us to a cabin as a humvee pulled up, out climbed 6 men and a dog, all in fatigues, before I could see anything else Emma pushed us into the cabin and slammed the door shut behind us as we collapsed onto the floor.

"What was that??"

"That! Was my family." She helped us up.

Jason's POV

We were on night patrol in a neighbouring town to J-bad, we'd been out for 6 hours and it was 0300. I decided it was time to head back.

"Let's move out."

We walked back to the humvee and climbed in. We'd been driving for about 15 minutes when we saw three figures drop from the sky.

"What the hell is that?" Sonny asked.

"I'll find out." I said keying my comms, "Havoc base this is Bravo 1, we've got three parachute jumpers coming towards base."

"Copy that Bravo 1, I'll find out." Blackburn answered, a few minutes later he keyed his coms again, "Stand down, their friendlies."

"What do you mean their 'friendlies'?"

"I'll find out."

I rolled my eyes, cryptic much. We watched as they landed about 5 clicks ahead of us and packed their chutes away, then started running towards base.

"We're not far out now. We'll talk when we get in." I said.

We got to the base gate and rolled through, getting out I saw three figures standing outside a cabin glance at us before one pushed the others into the cabin and slammed the door. Weird. After we dumped our gear in the shed. We walked into the team room where Eric and Mandy were waiting.

"Who were they?" I asked.

"Apparently they work for some government agency, they're following a lead on a case." Mandy said.

"Which agency?" Brock asked.

"I don't know guys. I don't know..." Eric said.

"Why did they jump Eric? Why not just land on the airstrip?" I quizzed.

"Apparently they're meant to be discreet. Nobody was supposed to know they're here." Mandy said.

"Well they did a crap job of that." Ray said.

"Actually Ray, you guys weren't meant to be out tonight, had base been on routine nobody would have seen them come in." Eric spoke.

"Well that's creepy." Clay said.

"What do we know about these guys Mandy?" I asked.

"Two guys, one girl actually." She stated hint of amusement in her tone.

"A girl?!?" Sonny yelled.

"What? Don't think women can do the same jobs as men? Or are you just worried she's going to outshine you." Lisa interrogated.

"No but if she gets snatched we'll be the ones collecting her." He grumbled.

"So? If she's snatched it's going to be for bad intel, and unfair conditions. Not because she's a woman." Lisa challenged.

"Enough! What do we know about them?" I yelled.

"Their handler couldn't tell me much, mainly because he didn't know a great deal. However, their code names are Black-Rose, Hunter and Eagle. Their handler doesn't know their real names and I suspect that's by design." Mandy spoke.

"Ok. First off those why do those code names ring a bell, Second what do we know about the organisation they work for?" Clay asked.

"Honestly? Nothing. None of my bosses know who or what they are and the further up I went the more I was told to stop digging." Mandy said.

"So what do we do?" Trent asked.

"We stay away. We don't talk to them, not only for your safety but for theirs too. You see them walking you say nothing, although I suspect given all the trouble they went to so they weren't seen while getting here, we won't be seeing an awful lot of them." Eric mused.

"Alright then." I said clapping my hands, "We need to sleep." I turned to Eric, "I trust if you find anymore information that could be of use you'll speak to us?"

"Of course." Eric said nodding curtly before walking out of the room.

[sxfterhearts]

scarred

29. [11:04 am]

➳ pairing: yugyeom x reader

➳ genre/warnings: slow burn, fluff + slight angst, slight bad boy!yugyeom, triggers; mentions of violence, injuries, physical abuse, bullying

➳ word count: 3,027 words

➳ summary: 29. “Well, what do you want to do?”

➳ author's note: once again, thank you to @jinyoungot7​ for this beautiful gif :”) and guys!! i’m so sorry for the delay, but here’s part 2 of wounded/24/7:25pm!! 🤗 i’ve decided it’ll be a 3 part story hehe i hope this is a good continuation of the 1st part!!! thank you for showering me with love and as always, any feedback is welcome + appreciated! feel free to drop me a msg or an ask if you’d like 🥰

wounded // scarred // healed

“Wait up!” You yelled, your thighs burning as you tried to jog up the steep, narrow alley. Just twenty minutes into your walk and you were huffing and puffing as though you ran a full marathon.

“Come on, Y/N!” Came Yugyeom’s voice from far ahead, growing more and more distant as the black puppy tugged and pulled on its leash, leading him further and further into the winding maze of streets and back alleys. “You can do better than this!”

“I’m trying,” You muttered to yourself, taking a deep breath before going full steam ahead in an attempt to catch up with the boys.

It was a miracle that you three got this far, really. It took you nearly three weeks to convince Yugyeom to volunteer at the dog shelter run by your best friend’s mum. Every time you brought up the topic, he would either ask you about homework or fake a wince, prompting you to inspect his latest injury. He finally agreed last week. Your birthday was coming up soon, and he asked you what you wanted as your birthday present and how you were celebrating, in the bluntest way possible. “Well, what do you want to do?”, were his exact words.

One thing you learned in the past month since you sat with him in your family’s restaurant was that Kim Yugyeom was not one to beat around the bush. If he wanted to know something, he would ask about it without batting an eyelash. If he had an opinion, he would state it in the most straightforward, yet nonchalant way possible. You supposed it came with years of being labelled the quiet kid. It made sense that he was awfully efficient with his words.

Naturally, you had asked him to fulfill your birthday wish of visiting the shelter together. “Don’t you want something more substantial? Like a present that could either be useful or memorable?” He wondered curiously.

“This is memorable, Yugyeom.” You told him, looking him square in the eyes. “You won’t just be doing me, or the dog shelter, a favour. You’ll be helping me create a happy memory. Nothing is more valuable than that.”

Sweat trickled down your back as you jogged the final stretch towards Yugyeom who was taking a rest on a bench in the neighbourhood’s park. Charcoal, the black Pomeranian puppy you two were responsible for this morning rested comfortably on his lap, thoroughly enjoying all the attention Yugyeom was giving him. You watched as you slowly approached the pair, trying to commit the peaceful scene into your memory. The morning sun casted its brilliant glow upon them, and you could just make out the beginnings of a fond smile gracing Yugyeom’s features as he smoothed his hand, the one with just a lone plaster on the thumb, repeatedly over the puppy’s soft fur.

It was nearly picture perfect, if not for the sudden yelp the boy emitted when the puppy licked across his wrist. There was a shallow graze from when a piece of glass sliced through the skin from two days ago, which had just started to heal. If not for that Friday nearly a month ago, you wouldn’t have insisted on staying at the restaurant until closing time and would’ve left around dinner time like you always did. Ever since then, you always waited until Yugyeom came in with his order just in case he needed someone to patch him up. You distinctly remembered how relieved you were that night because the glass missed a vein or an artery. Yet, the thought left you disgusted. You shouldn’t be feeling any form of relief at all. Regardless of how shallow his injuries were, his uncle was still being abusive. You shook your head to clear your spiralling thoughts.

“I think he tired himself out.” Yugyeom said in a slightly strained voice when you arrived by his side. The boy was flapping his injured wrist repeatedly in the hopes of alleviating the stinging pain.

Without a word, you kneeled and took his wrist in yours, blowing on it with earnest. While it was true that a dog’s saliva had potential healing capabilities, you didn’t want to risk an infection. Especially judging from Yugyeom’s earlier reaction and the way his skin was just starting to clot, you figured it was best to leave it alone. The newly formed scab looked pink and tender, but it was on its way to healing properly.

Unbeknownst to you, Yugyeom started to squirm in his seat. He was getting flustered by the way your dainty fingers danced across his skin, and the cool air that soothed and blew his pain away. From this vantage point, he could look down and watch the glistening beads of sweat as it rolled down the side of your face, your soft lips pursed tightly in concentration. It was distracting. “I… It’s fine, Y/N.”

You released his hand and handed him a packet of tissues from your pocket, already missing the smooth feel of his arm under your fingertips. “Maybe I should take over?” You cocked your head towards the dark little ball of fluff lying on his lap, its tongue stuck out in an adorably goofy way. “Scooch over, Kim.” Scooping up little Charcoal in your arms, you moved to sit beside Yugyeom. You marvelled at the tiny creature lying curled up atop your legs. He was barely five months old and took up nearly three quarters of your lap. Just as your hand moved to pat his head, the puppy looked up and playfully gnawed on your fingers.

“Treats?” Yugyeom suggested, producing a brown paper bag from his pocket. “He could be hungry.”

“Here, I’ll do it-”

“Charcoal, do you want some treats?” Yugyeom spoke in a high-pitched tone, as though he was playing with a baby.

Before you could stop him, the boy had already reached out his palm full of treats for the puppy. You breathed an audible sigh of relief when you realised it was his relatively uninjured hand. “Look at you, Kim Yugyeom. You’re a natural when it comes to puppies. Who would’ve thought that you were so reluctant to visit the dog shelter just a week ago?”

He quickly shushed you, his fingers enveloping the puppy’s flappy ears to prevent him from hearing you. “Charcoal doesn’t need to know that, okay? Besides, this little guy changed my mind.” Yugyeom let out a fit of giggles when the puppy gobbled up all the treats and ended up licking his palm instead. “It tickles,” The boy squealed.

You watched, amused at the softer side of Yugyeom that was surfacing in the presence of the black puppy. “You know, the Imo at the shelter always talks about having way too many puppies. You could always adopt one. I think it’ll be good for you, you know? Having a furry companion can be a huge source of comfort and emotional support.” You suggested, your tone as gentle as possible due to the sensitive nature of the topic.

Yugyeom peeled his eyes away from Charcoal and connected his gaze with yours instead. You couldn’t really articulate it or fully understand it, but there was something in the way he looked at you that struck you as inherently sad. “Listen, Y/N, there’s something I need-”

“Yugyeom hyung!” A boy exclaimed from the general direction of the playground. The two of you whipped your heads around and followed the voice until finally you saw a boy, probably a middle school student, with a long fringe identical to Yugyeom’s, waving enthusiastically.

“Bambam!” Yugyeom waved back, beckoning the younger boy over to where you sat.

He sprinted across the field in a matter of seconds, giving Yugyeom a typical bro hug as a way of greeting. “What are you doing here, hyung? And who is this? Is she…?”

Yugyeom hurriedly clasped his palm against the younger boy’s mouth, muffling his words. He pinched Bambam’s cheeks teasingly instead. “Behave, kid. This is Y/N, and this is Charcoal.” With the younger boy distracted by the little puppy, Yugyeom took this chance to give you a brief explanation. “Bambam is our neighbour. We play soccer together with Mark hyung.”

“Hello, Bambam!” You greeted with a wide smile as you watched the younger boy coo at the puppy. You never met any of Yugyeom’s friends before, so this was a first for you. It seemed that beyond his tough exterior and bad boy façade, he was just a normal boy who loved puppies and playing soccer with his friends.

Just as Bambam reached for Charcoal’s tiny paws, to your dismay, you noticed that his knuckles were a familiar shade of black and blue. “Bambam, your knuckles…” No way, you thought, was he like Yugyeom?

“Bammie,” Yugyeom started in a scolding tone, sounding far more mature than he usually did. “Are those rascals still bothering you? I thought you told me that they stopped.”

“Yeah, well,” Bambam looked like a deer caught in headlights. “It was just, you know, a small fight, nothing too serious. I swear! I’m completely fine. It doesn’t even hurt, really!” The younger boy scrambled to explain himself.

“Where are they? Are they here?” Yugyeom seethed, his tone dripping with dangerous venom and his eyebrows forced together in a frown.

Bambam peered over his shoulders briefly at the playground before shaking his head profusely. “No, just forget it, hyung. It’s fine.”

“Take me to them, kid. Right now, and I’m not going to ask twice.” Yugyeom moved to stand before directing his words at you. “I have to go take care of something for a bit, I’ll be back.”

You nodded, speechless. Sure, you’ve seen Yugyeom mad before, but hardly to this extent. The only incident that came close was when he stopped that classmate of yours from striking you across the face. As the two of them walked away, your mind began to race with irrational thoughts. You pondered the list of possible scenarios as your hands absently stroked Charcoal to calm yourself down. Was Bambam getting into fights? But why? Could he be the target of bullying? The young boy seemed so innocent and harmless though, why would anyone do that? It just didn’t make sense. Those long agonising minutes seemed to stretch out as you waited and waited for them to return, praying that they would still be in one piece.

After what seemed like a lifetime, you felt Yugyeom’s presence once again as he collapsed onto the seat beside you. “Oh, hey.” You muttered, voice small and uncertain.

“Hey yourself.” He replied with a small laugh, intrigued by your worried expression. A few moments passed, and then, “Are you going to ask what happened?”

You turned your head to face him, quick enough that you felt a slight strain in your neck. “Are you injured?” You started prodding at his body, mainly inspecting his fingers, his palms, his arms and his face.

The evident worry written across your features amused Yugyeom to no end. He wanted nothing more than to iron out the creases on your forehead and turn your frown upside down. “Of course not. The little rascals who bullied Bammie are nearly half my size. I could’ve taken them out like a light.”

You flinched slightly at the unwanted imagery that filled your head. “Please don’t say that, Yugyeom. Please don’t tell me you got into a fight. I don’t want you to get hurt any more than you already do.” You confessed.

“Not to worry, I just gave them a stern talking-to and sent them on their way, unharmed. They scattered like little mice, honestly.” He was met with your confused stare. “Basically, Bambam is Thai. His classmates picked on him because of that. The kid’s parents don’t know about it but I’ve seen what they did to him. I had to stand up for him and protect him. I couldn’t just watch from the sidelines as my friend got hurt over and over again.”

His words left you stunned once more. You had heard rumours of him getting involved in fights with bullies in lower grades before, but this was the first time you got confirmation from the boy himself. You never thought that the cuts and bruises he showed up with in class were actually battle scars he suffered when defending someone else. He stood up for the kids who had no one, just like how he wished someone would stand up for him. So much for that bad boy façade of his.

There was a sudden urge within you to give Yugyeom a big hug for what he’s gone through and what he’s done for others, and so you did. It was more of a side hug, due to the puppy now napping cosily on your lap, with one arm coming around his middle and holding him close to your side.

Yugyeom didn’t know what to do at first. Should he stay still? Should he say something? He decided on reciprocating in the end, his other arm resting securely on your petite shoulders. In those few moments, the two of you were enveloped in a calming silence, filled only by Charcoal’s soft snores and the rustling of luscious leaves above your heads. Yugyeom could only hear his own heart beating thunderously in his ears.

“I’m sorry for all the pain you’ve experienced, Yugyeom.” You started, causing Yugyeom to shake his head in response. None of this was your fault, yet you felt the inexplicable need to apologise. “Thank you for being so brave and so kind to your friends and to those other students who got bullied.” You paused to sniffle, hot tears already pooling in your eyes, blurring your vision. “I’m… I’m sorry that, all this time, all these months, I could only watch from the sidelines as you got hurt, over and over.”

"No." He replied resolutely. "You didn't just watch from the sidelines, Y/N, you need to… Wait, no, are you crying? Why…? Don't… don't cry." Yugyeom panicked, trying his best to quiet you down. He didn't have a clue on how to comfort a crying girl. He tried to rub his palm soothingly over your back, but you didn't stop.

It wasn't until Charcoal, who had been woken up by all of the fuss, moved around in your lap and began pawing on your stomach. He even tried to lick your face, but he could only reach the bottom of your chin. You broke out into a giggle, and Yugyeom finally let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding.

“Don't cry anymore, you're an ugly crier.” Yugyeom said just as you were beginning to calm down. Before you could retort, he continued, “In my case, there was no way for you to shield me from my Uncle's punches or tell him to bugger off. You did the best you could for me, I don't even know why you're doubting that. You didn't have to patch me up when I was injured. You didn't have to be kind to me when I've never even spoken a single word to you. And yet week after week for the past semester you would sit there beside me, silently cleaning my wounds and covering them with those cute yellow plasters. You didn't have to, but…” He reached into his backpack and produced a yellow handmade card. “You didn't have to, but you became my friend.”

“What’s this?” You accepted the card gingerly while wiping stray tears off your wet cheeks.

“Your birthday card. Happy early Birthday, friend. Don’t read it until you get home, yeah?”

You inspected the yellow card, with Yugyeom’s signature chicken scrawl and random stickers of smiley faces littered all over the surface. There was even a Rilakkuma plaster, identical to the ones you would stick on him, at the top right corner. It was one of the most heart-warming cards you had received.

“Yugyeom, I…” You turned to face him. The scar right in the middle of his face, the one you first saw when you met him at the restaurant, caught your attention briefly before you finally met his eyes. You held his gaze, trying to convey a whirlwind of emotions through eye contact alone. Gratitude, happiness, fondness, touched, awe-struck. “Thank you,” You uttered sincerely, as it seemed to be the most appropriate response.

//

You read his card the minute you got home, sitting cross-legged on top of your bed.

Dear Y/N,

Happy Birthday! I wish that you will celebrate your birthday well with your family and friends. May each year be happier than the last.

I’m not good with words, as you always remind me, so I will just cut to the chase. First of all, thank you for being the light amongst the darkness of my life. There are not enough words in my vocabulary (or the dictionary) to express what you and your family has done for me. I will never forget it and I hope to repay this huge debt in the future.

Secondly, there is something I need to tell you that I cannot bring myself to say out loud. I am not brave, which is why I have to say this through a letter. Mark hyung got a job two months ago at our local football club as an assistant. Perhaps your mother has told you this, but his increased independence has resulted in the greater severity of my Uncle’s violence. Last week, after watching hyung play, the coach offered to get him transferred to Incheon United FC. Incheon is a distance away from Namyangju, which means we won’t be able to come back for frequent visits, but it is a good chance (and perhaps our only chance) to get away from Uncle.

This is what I keep telling myself whenever I think about leaving this town; about leaving you. As much as I would like to stay beside you, I have to break free from him.

I leave the second week of school holidays. If you find it in your heart to forgive me, let’s have one last bowl of naengmyeon together, okay?

Your friend, always,

Kim Yugyeom

For the nth time that day, the boy had left you speechless.

[hopesangelsprite]

Sin City | KSJ (1/?)

Pairing: Demon!Receptionist!Seokjin x Reader

Summary: In a world were angels and demons co-exist with humans, an angel meets the most beautiful yet dangerous demon in the world... her brother’s bestfriend. (Slight crack tbh)

There were three kinds of people in this world:

Angels. Demons. And Humans.

Angels were pure-hearted, kind souls who spent their days bringing joy and purpose to peoples’ lives. They were generous and caring, but, most importantly, they were accepting. No matter who or what you were, they didn’t care. They loved you all the same.

Demons, however, were opposites of Angels. They were known for causing mischief and discord. The nights and shadowy places were where they thrived the most. They were top-notch manipulators, whispering lies and truths here and there. Making it impossible to tell which was which.

Humans were just… in between. They were neither good nor bad. They could be moral when they wanted to be, but if they wanted something and you stood in their way, they proved to be incredibly ruthless. The lives of Humans tended to be influenced by the people they lived with. A Human, who was around more angelic folk, was more compassionate and benign. Humans who held the company of the more demonic sort were mostly cruel and malevolent.

Cadence King was born a pureblooded Angel to Nicolai and Charity King during the Winter Solstice of 2002. Unlike her dark-haired and brown-eyed parents, she had snow-white curls and mismatched blue and green eyes. Her mother, who had been told that she was physically incapable of bearing a child and thought that her caring Cadence was a miracle from Heaven above, was ecstatic when she held her tiny baby girl for the first time. The couple vowed to raise her as lovingly as they possibly could.

And they did… until a fateful summers night in Daegu stole them away from this world. Mr. and Mrs. King had been killed in a mugging, leaving poor little Cadence orphaned and alone on the night of her fifth birthday. There were no living relatives to take her in, so she was placed into foster care with the Min family.

The Mins were a four people family that consisted of Mr. Min, Mrs. Min, and their sons, Junki and Yoongi. Although the Mins were Demons, they accepted Cadence into their family and treated her like she was their own. Junki and Yoongi, who were 17 and 15 at the time, watched over her as overprotective brothers tend to do. They taught her all kinds of Martial Arts and made sure that she was able to defend herself when it was time for them to leave for college a few years later.

Mr. and Mrs. Min focused all of their time and resources on Cadence’s training and studies after their youngest son, Yoongi, left to study music in the city. They raised her to be a responsible and thoughtful child. She was obedient, kind, and beloved by all who knew her. As she grew older, she remained well-mannered and intelligent. Soon, it would be time for her to leave home just as her brothers before her had.

* TIME SKIP TO PRESENT DAY / THE REST OF THE STORY WILL BE IN CADENCE’S POV *

I stared out the train’s large window in boredom. Trees and meadows passed by in green blurs as we zoomed through the countryside. Earlier this morning, my mother and father had helped me finish packing my suitcases and put me on the train with sweet goodbye, from my mom, and a stern ‘be careful’, from my dad. I had finally turned 18 a week ago, and mom and dad made a phone call to Yoongi asking if I would be able to stay with him in Seoul. He’d agreed and now I was 15 minutes away from seeing the brother I hadn’t seen in 10 years. Yoongi had left on bad terms and he promised to stay away until he was ready to come home. Yoongi was always good at keeping his promises.

I sighed before unlocking my phone and checking my recent messages. As usual, they were filled with threats from my crazy ex I’d dated when I was 16. It started pretty well until he hit me. He promised he’d never do it again, but he did over and over and over again. After the eighth time, I left him for good and told him that if he ever came near again, he’d have my brothers to deal with. He stayed away physically but continued to threaten me to come back to him.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ll be arriving at Seoul National Station in five minutes. I repeat, five minutes.”, the voice of the elderly conductor informed from above. As if on cue, a message from Yoongi came through saying that he wouldn’t be picking me up because of his daily 3:45 nap. I rolled my eyes and began readying myself for the exit soon to come.

Within the next ten minutes, I was in a cab on my way to Yoongi’s. The city of Seoul was beautiful and diverse in many ways. Groups of Angels, Demons, and Humans socialized amongst each other peacefully. Street performers attracted cheering crowds and healthy tips. Food trucks and venues filled areas with delicious smells and dishes. A small bit of happiness filled my chest. This was my new home!

Soon the cab stopped at a luxury condo in the heart of the city. After paying my fare, I collected my things and made my way inside. At the front desk, a beautiful receptionist sat quietly clicking on the keys of his keyboard. I walked to the desk causing him to lift his head and display a million-dollar smile. “Hello, love. Welcome to Seoul Condominiums, how may I help you today?”, he inquired in a velvety voice. “Hi… Seokjin! I-I’m here to see my brother Min Yoongi.”, I responded softly after reading his nametag receiving a nod from him.

He picked up a sleek black phone from the desk and, after punching in a few numbers, put it to his ear. After a short wait, he spoke into the phone. “Hello, Mr. Min!... Your sister is here to see you. Shall I send her up?... Of course, Mr. Min.”, he spoke. Giving me a bright smile, he put the phone back and smiled. “Up you go, love. He’s in suite 777.”, he informed before helping me into the elevator. After a short ride, I found myself in front of a door that had the number ‘777’ in beautiful gold font displayed on it. I knocked but received no answer. I raised my hand to knock again, but as soon as my fist collided with the door, it slightly opened.

I frowned in confusion and worry before opening it fully and dragging my luggage in. I looked around in the beautifully furnished condo, hoping to catch a glimpse of my older brother. “Hello? Yoongi? Where are you?!”, I called out whilst taking a step forward. The hairs on my neck stood to attention and adrenaline filled my veins. I quickly sidestepped, narrowly avoiding being tackled by a dark hooded figure. I dropped to the ground and put my knee on the person’s chest before unmasking them.

Underneath me laid a very pale and very proud male. “Looks like you maintained your training pretty well, little one.”, Yoongi drawled out in a voice that I didn’t recognize. I stood and assisted him in getting to his feet before taking his face in my hands. I gazed at the boy who used to have chubby cheeks and horrible acne. Now his face was strong and defined with pale, clear skin. He was a bit taller, too.

“Who are you and what have you done with my Yoonie?”, I asked with a soft smile. He chuckled before pulling me into a warm hug. “I missed you too, little one.”, he cooed. I sighed with content before pulling away smacking his arm and glaring. “Don’t ever try to scare me again. I could’ve hurt you, bro.”, I demanded causing him to chuckle and roll his eyes.

After picking up my luggage for me and leading to my new room, Yoongi helped me unpack my stuff. It went relatively fast mostly because I didn’t have a lot of stuff. I sat on my bed and looked around. The room was twice as large as my old bedroom with a connecting bathroom. Yoongi had had it painted baby blue, and he’d personally hung little cotton clouds from the ceiling that glowed a soft blue. He’d gotten me a large California King canopy bed with white curtains and a blue bed set to match the walls. He’d even installed Tik Tok lights!

“You did this all on your own?”, I asked. He nodded and sat in the hanging egg chair across from my bed. “I had a little help from a friend with choosing the color scheme, but it was mostly me. I don’t know if mom and dad told you this, but I’m gonna spoil the hell out of you here. Just a small warning before.”, he spoke proudly. I chuckled and nodded.

Suddenly, a familiar voice called out, “Come out, you sleepy bastard! I brought you food that I slaved over, so you better be hungry.”. Yoongi stood and pulled me up afterward before dragging me into the spacious living area. There stood the handsome receptionist from earlier. Instead of his work attire, he was dressed in black ripped jeans and a pastel pink button up. His hair had changed, too. The blonde tresses had been transformed from a sleek and elegant look to messy bangs that screamed danger.

Upon our entrance, he glared at Yoongi. “There you are! Boy, do I have words for you. Did you make your sister carry all that heavy shit from the train station?! I know damn good and well I raised a gentleman and most definitely not a fool!”, he raved angrily. Yoongi muttered something along the lines of ‘loud-mouth ass’ causing the blonde to pause his rant and look at Yoongi with wild and incredulous eyes. “Did… did you just BACKTALK ME?!! AH HELL NAH! UH UH! NO! NOT TODAY! I’M FINNA WHOOP YO ASS RIGHT NOW!!!”, he snapped before setting the bags down and lunging at my brother.

I stepped aside and watched as he put my brother in a chokehold whilst pulling his hair. “Cadence! Help! Me!”, Yoongi managed to choke out causing his attacker to look around until his eyes met mine. He paused before dropping my brother and approaching me. “I’m so sorry you had to witness that, love! I’m Seokjin, by the way. Welcome to Sin City on behalf of me! Let’s have lunch together sometime!”, he spoke before reaching down to grasp my hand before pressing a kiss to it.

What the actual fuck had I gotten myself into?

(A/N):

Should I turn this into a series? Lemme know if I should!! Please like, share, and comment your thoughts!

[essaysbyciara]

Thy Neighbor II: Lovin’ The Crew [Chapters 19 + 20]

[Prologue] [Chapters 1 + 2] [Chapters 3 + 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapters 7 + 8] [Chapters 9 + 10] [Chapters 11 + 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapters 14 + 15][Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] 

Warnings: Language, smut thoughts

The madness continues... 

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Y'lan's favorite spot inside of this lavish AirBnB just blocks away from Center City is the outdoor patio. Full of lush bushes peppered with flowers of multiple hues and a large table long enough to fit more than twelve disciples, it's job as the bar is doing the trick. The table is way more than a wet bar, stacked with every type of whisky, gin and tequila known to man. It's also the grandest medicine cabinet Y'lan could have in hopes to soothe his raging emotions toward Trevante.

Y'lan always knew Trevante to be a loose cannon when it came to women. He heard some of the stories straight from the horse's mouth, the worst of them coming from both Michael and Yahya, his best friends. But what he's been hearing from -- and about -- Trevante during the early hours of this pre-bachelor party has him on edge.

Trevante just spoke of "sexing down some chick" just weeks ago, describing her as "super thick, nerdy bitch, tight pussy, all that." Y'lan would only know of Ciara's shape, need to wear glasses and disposition toward learning new things. He never got the chance to see if he'd get stuck inside of her love. However, hearing Trevante talked about Ciara -- or who he imagines to be, at least -- this type of way disturbs him beyond belief. The same girl that Trevante spoke of "ending his playboy ways" with is being talked about in a room full of immature frat boys as just another "fuck", as Stephan just called her. A label that Trevante didn't correct but rather laughed at.

Maybe Trevante just wants to impress his friends or he is trying to keep up appearances. Either way, Y'lan wasn't having it. A shot of top shelf whisky is to keep his mind on other things.

"Yo, bro ... we got all night, man." Trevante catches Y'lan just as he pours his next shot. He saw him pour his first two drinks, watching him out on the porch as the rest of his friends cracked jokes and delved in laughter around him. Trevante didn't want to talk about Ciara in this way. She wasn't a "fuck"; she was his girlfriend. While he loves her body, makes her keep her glasses on during sex as a fetish thing and puts her at the top of his "best sex ever" list, he didn't mean to make their love life his boys' business. Trevante reverts to number-eight-on-his-SPR07 line when he's around the fellas. He's grown since then, he thought. But once he saw Y'lan leave the room, he knew he messed up.

Quiet as it's kept, Y'lan is who Trevante wants to be. He admires Y'lan's drive to live life for something greater than himself, volunteering and giving his life to the church. Trevante wasn't a religious person but he would pay attention to how Y'lan would talk about how God helped him get his act together from a life of doing dirt, Ciara catching most of those stains. He felt Y'lan's "stand up" energy and wanted a part. Him checking in on Y'lan is in his way of trying to be better -- and hoping that he didn't turn off the person he hopes can turn into his best friend.

He pours himself a shot as well. "Y'lan, you cool?"

"Yeah. Just a lot going on in there, man. That's all."

"If you're not feeling this, we can always dip out. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable or anything. This really ain't for us anyway. "

Y'lan is taken aback by Trevante's invitation to leave. In one way, he's glad that his friend is aware of what may or may not be a place that he would want to be. On the flipside, he's hurt that his friend is responsible for making him feel uncomfortable in the first place. "Nah, man. I'm good. It's just for today. The wilderness lasted forty days. I'll be solid." Y'lan knocks down another shot. "Let's head out to the day party spot. I'll be cool. I just need to breathe a bit."

---

"I feel like I can breathe up here..." Ciara marvels at the orange, auburn and marigold-hued leaves that fall around her and Winston as they wind around a somewhat busy trailway on a Saturday morning. They make sure to make room for the bicyclists and runners with their strollers as they walk the twisted pathway through trees and rotting cabins. "This reminds me of back home."

"Where's back home for you?"

"Suburban Maryland, toward the mountains. We were like the only Black family there but it was a beautiful place to grow up. What about you, Winston? You've been in New York all of your life?"

"Ehh, it's a long story."

"I got time..."

CHAPTER TWENTY

Raised by a preacher father and a stay-at-home mother who were both full-on fire-and-brimstone, barring secular music and television inside of their house, Winston and his sister, in church six times a week and twice on Sundays, were forbidden to go on class trips or to sleepovers. Feeling trapped, Winston started hanging out with all of the "'Rican and Dominican" kids from the neighborhood. There he met his best friend, Ronald.

Built like a NFL player by tenth grade, Ronald scared everyone except Winston, big and bad just like he was. As much as Winston's parents didn't like his new crew, they knew Ronald's mother from church so they lessened their grip. The two became inseparable, Winston spending weekends at Ronald's house during the summer. He got to watch BET and play XBox for all hours of the day, this little ounce of freedom in a world full of restrictions.

But then one day, he couldn't go over Ronald's house anymore and Winston's dad wouldn't tell him why. Winston would hang outside with Ronald but then his mother would drag him into the house. "I better not catch you hanging out with that boy..." is all his mother could say. Nothing made sense until it did. Ronald's mother found a note written for Winston. Inside were Ronald's feelings for him, feelings that his mother felt "were for girls..."

"So that's why you're writing about the persecution of sexuality in the early Church, then? Makes sense." Ciara exhales from hearing Winston's story. It was a lot to take in but Winston felt comfortable enough to tell her about it.

"Yeah. I'm passionate about why we do what we do, you know? There's a root to everything. But I didn't mean to make this all sad and stuff, I'm sorry..." Winston laughs to break up his somber tone. Ciara finds it nice to break up her life with some God talk. Outside of school, she doesn't get much of it. She definitely doesn't get it with Trevante.

"No, you're good! I appreciate it. It kinda reinvigorated me to get back to working on my paper, actually. I don't get to have these conversations with other students often because of work and like, all my close people aren't in the church like that, so..."

"I'm always down for meeting over coffee whenever you're free, if you need to keep fleshing things out."

"Man, Winston. I would love that so much..." Ciara pauses to take a look at Winston before he gives a response. His smile says enough.

"We should be getting you back though, I know your girls are probably looking for you..."

"They ain't even thinking about me. They in that house knocking down mimosas like it's a job." Winston and Ciara both laugh as they turn around on the trailway. The closer they get to the house, the louder the sounds of Jodeci are coming from their AirBnB.

I've been watchin' you for so very long tryin' to get my nerve built up to be so strong/ I really want to meet you but I'm kinda scared/ 'cuz you're the kind of lady with so much class...

The crowd at this day party is way too young to know anything about Jodeci. Most of them weren't born when K-Ci, JoJo, Dalvin and DeVante were killin' the streets. But Trevante, Y'lan, Stephan, Michael and the boys make the most of it. And the worst...

"Yo, Stephan is a damn savage," Michael says as he watches his friend's married frat brother flirt with another girl that looks just a shade over 21. Y'lan's been waiting and watching Stephan all night, calling him a "fuck nigga" under his tequila-laced breath. The girl's look of discomfort is clear to everybody else but Stephan.

It's even more clear to Trevante. Stephan wasn't just drunkenly flirting with some random. He grabs the girl's hand and takes her to their VIP section.

"Yo, yo... this is Meganne. She's a Lambda. Ain't think they were still out here looking this fine, shit." Meganne gently smiles to hide her embarrassment. She spotted Trevante and his crew some time ago as she and her girls grooved to another Ma$e song that they were too young to know. After Trevante told her to cool it for the sake of his relationship, she didn't walk by his office like she would always do, hoping to catch his attention.

After talking to her prophytes, she realized that Trevante was in the wrong for how he treated her. She felt strung along, feeling as if Trevante had this "girlfriend" for as long as he was taking her home from work and to lunch everyday. He would be her first "fuck nigga". Too bad he had to be so damn fine.

So as she sits down, she tries not to catch eyes with Trevante. Trevante is staring holes into her and Y'lan notices. He then remembers running into a girl that looked just like Meganne trying to hold back tears as she ran out of his office. Y'lan puts what he thinks is two and two together. He had enough. His fingers -- and the liquor -- went to work.

I ain't trying to win you back, Ciara. So that's not my move. You just need to know how trash this dude is. You deserve better, straight up.

Taglist: @doublesidedscoobysnacks @diva-princess-on-fleek @voyagetoadinas9 @walkrightuptothesun @wvsspoppin  @dreamlovealways @rockwit609 @thegayaxeman @joyfulwombatdreamermaker @blackpinup22 @hookedtoherfire @kris-did-it @l-auteuse @styleismyaddiction

[sailormurkury]

History3: MODC review I guess?

Word Count: around 2,080

Warning: Potential Spoiler for POSE Season 2. I’m not sure if it’s been streaming globally yet, but I mention the death of a character.

I fell in love with the BL drama HIStory this past August. It was after coming across a video on twitter of two men embracing, kissing and both breaking down in tears on the floor of a lavish, minimalistic, bedroom. After a bit of digging in the replies, I learned the name of the show, History3: Trapped. One google later, I’m on VIKI and I find the entire first half-season which had just wrapped up two months prior. The rest of that month was spent binging it and the first 2 seasons (and The Untamed). This week the second half of the beloved drama’s third season which has been hailed the best BL drama of 2019, possibly all-time, ended with a thud on the 18th. Prior to this week it had a solid score of 9.5 on MyDramaLive where it now sits at 8.5. (Rating seems to be falling slightly every 2-3 days, now sits at 8.4.) This season’s love story focused on the story between Yu Xi Gu, an orphan, loner, and presumptive valedictorian of Zenren High and Xiang Hao Ting, the carefree Mr. popular of the school. The show also follows a side couple, HaoTing’s best friend Sun Bo Xiang and Xi Gu’s boss, Lu Zhi Gang. This season focused on the blossoming of these two couples’ relationships in such a way that most of us thought “Oh wow they’re going for full on happy go lucky in love” and while they met challenges like HaoTing’s homophobic parents and entrance exams they managed to fight for each other with their relationship getting stronger every time. That was until this week’s finale when we were served with a plate of Deadly Distant Finale with a side of Bury Your Gays and a glass Gay for You.

I initially thought that I was okay with the finale in a similar way to how I was with the finale of HIStory3: Trapped. That was bittersweet yet common sense. Shao Fei was a cop, Tang Yi a mob boss who shot an officer, he “had” to go to jail. Yet the more I thought about it I felt grieved, insulted rather by MODCs finale. So, like everyone else is doing on social media, I’m going to nitpick the hell out of it as part of my “healing process.” Also, while all of us are upset, unfortunately as in the summer, some fans are attacking the cast and crew. In the words of the master heart crusher, Shonda Rhimes, “Don’t tweet them your crazy,” or...whatever the weibo equivalent is. So, before the nitpicking, a caveat. My beef is with the lazy writing of episode 10, this entire cast was outstanding from Wayne and ChuanChih to the ZENREN homies to The Xiang Family just outstanding. Possibly the best History ensemble since H2:Crossing The Line. Thankfully, this season was not written the same writer of H3: Trapped that would have been way too much for me. (Although, word in the fandom is that MODCs screenwriter wasn’t fond of Trapped’s screenwriter, or rather her treatment for the finale? Alexa, Play Ironic by Alanis Morrisette.) Also in this review, I’m going to be using the VIKI episode count when referring to episodes so just 1-9. *wink*

 On to the picking apart, if you watched all of episode 9 last week, you probably had the same horrified realization as I that our first intimate moment in episode 2 where HT saves XG from getting run over by a moped was foreshadowing for the finale. I don’t want to dissuade anyone from watching the series again, I will, but with the ending we got? It’s going to be difficult to revisit that scene again without resentment. It’s bad enough that XiGu, the main character up to this point, dies off screen in a way that nearly renders him worthless. Especially in the way that this story said “meet this soft, pitiful, malnourished and overworked boy; fall in love with him as he allows himself to fall in love and watch as that love makes him bloom.” I haven’t been this upset over a needless character death since, well, I can’t even say that I have made peace with Candy’s death in season 2 of POSE and that was 5 months ago.

 I don’t know why the writer chose this ending that says “fighting tooth and nail for love is meaningless, yet the memories make it worthwhile?” I’m being petty, we know for HaoTing this love was not meaningless, XiGu’s death is not meaningless. If XiGu’s death was meaningless he wouldn’t have thrown himself into his undergrad studies and gotten into Stanford grad to continue XiGu’s dre…hold the hell on. Wait a damn minute, isn’t that…the dead love interest trope? So, in the POV of this finale, XiGu’s existence was to get HaoTing to mature and become a physicist? Remember, high school HaoTing didn’t really have a dream outside of being with XG 24/7. He became a better student and chose to become a Physics major solely to be with XG. During the show, this particular plot point had some fans noting, while sweet in theory, pinning your hopes and dreams on teenage love can be costly in real life.  

  Six years on, it seems the only people that have been affected by XiGu’s death are HaoTing and Lin Cai Chu, his ex-girlfriend?  I understand in real life we tend to be moved on after this much time. Yet, there was no mention of Xi Gu from the crew or the family, even when he was visibly upset around them. You could count Mrs. Xiang when she spoke to Hao Ting while he was packing, but she never names him, only implies, and,  I feel we had to dive for that meaning. Also, there was no significant interaction from Sun Bo or his sister Yong Ching, who were the closest with HT during this whole relationship. Yong Ching listens to her brother cry after their father tears XiGu and HaoTing apart and she plays messenger between them during their parting. However, in episode 10 she’s enamored with Phoebe’s style? Sun Bo is HaoTing’s brother in the battle for love they share everything about how their hearts feel about their guys. But when HT drunkenly pours out his grief after six years, and he kinda gives a “damn bro, that sucks” vibe for a good part of the talk? (Sidenote: Wayne acted his whole ass off in this episode, do you hear me?) In Trapped, ShaoFei knew everything about TangYi. When Chen Wen Hao and Sister Lizhen were revealed as TangYi’s parents he grieves with and comforts him back at home. (Bonus: if you watch that scene again you can see Jake break down with Chris when they pull apart.)  

  I’m not touching that damn doppleganger moment, why even do it? These decisions have been made, yet the way both XiGu’s death and HaoTing’s potential girlfriend Phoebe are hinted and implied at, yet never really engaged with or seen. Which, to me, signals fear on part of the writer. These are the decisions you felt comfortable making so why not go ahead and give it to us full out. Show us XiGu dying in HaoTing’s arms, HaoTing visiting his grave a la Trapped episode 10, or show us the moment when Phoebe meets the family. We could have gotten more thought or effort put into these plot twists on the part of the writer. We see the way HaoTing weeps over XiGu and how he just shrugs off the mention of Phoebe from his family. XiGu and HaoTing lined and called each other daily, Phoebe can’t even email to let him know where she is? Worse yet, HaoTing does not even attempt checking up on her? Is on a 13-hour flight or about to get on one? Don’t really know, damn sure don’t care.

 I “got” that he doesn’t think the love of his life can ever be replaced, but we also know through his actions that he doesn’t love her either. Even though he’s introducing her to his family, I ask, does he even like her? Where’d they meet? How old is she? Why bring her up if you aren’t going to flesh the concept of Phoebe out? If you really wanted to give a love story closure “well” you should have done all of this several episodes ago by breaking them up or even condensing the love story and killing XG earlier on rather than handing us this death/new gf cocktail in ONE EPISODE. So many HIStorians thought that the boys would split because of HaoTing lying about the rent, and this makes perfect sense as it’s a clear violation of XiGu’s desire to be as self-reliant as possible, even in a relationship. That could have given rise to the first big argument and potential breakup.

 At first, I thought that the most insulting thing about this finale was that we didn’t get a happy ever after, or at least a happy for now like Trapped. Happy endings are an unofficial mission statement of the series. However, the most insulting thing about this finale, for me, was that death became final. Three years in a series, where death has NEVER been final, or even an option for its leads at least since season 1. (Which HIStorians like, but don’t really talk about for good reason.) Now, you could argue about Trapped because Shao Fei does get shot twice and if any storyline was primed for death it was theirs. However, even with the action element, the Brooklyn Nine-Nine type comedy never gave it the gravity that MODC unknowingly had. We were presented the stakes, the murders of Old Tang/LiZhen, and knew the threat, Chen WenHao. In MODC, there was a quiet unease I had for most of my watch along the lines of, “this is perfect. I love it, but it’s too perfect.” The “challenges” XG/HT faced they pretty much steamrolled every time so I assumed they were in the clear until the last 5 minutes of episode 9.

 H1: My Hero and H1: Obsessed both had plots that dealt with the boundary of death, making it impermanent “because love.”  While we’re at it, let’s talk about Obsessed shall we. Even abusive ass, stalker ass Jiang Jing Teng, a man who by logic and common sense shouldn’t have, got a chance to love again. He got to say goodbye to, spread the ashes of, and reunite with Shao Yi Chen. After his beard, who it just so happened was also a witch/sorceress, brought back SYC from the dead, not once BUT TWICE?!? (First, from rebirth. Second, it was all a dream.) Yet YXG/SHT, the most loved couple since CTL, can’t get a similar twist of fate? Make it make sense, especially given that this is likely the final season for HIStory.

 That hurt to type, but, it looks like History3 is going to be the final season for the series. Since we haven’t had any official announcement from CHOCO. And with 2 major backlashes, the first based on misunderstanding with Trapped and the second due to MODC lazy finale, it’s looking like a done deal until the CTL movie comes out at the end of 2020. In which case, everyone involved is going to have to be on their very best behavior from now on. In the hearts of some HIStorians, this finale has done irreparable damage to MODC itself and the HIStory franchise. Which is sad, considering that up to this point HIStory was getting better and better with each season only to decimate that growth in one episode.

  *cue Mariah* I still believe that MODC is the best BL drama of 2019. It’s the best to come out of Taiwan since CTL. Most of that is due to the phenomenal work of the cast, and… yes, the initial episodes written by our screenwriter. Even with my frustrations with the finale, I was conflicted as I said on Wednesday night. I was very disappointed, but the performances I did get, specifically from Wayne, kept me engaged to the point that I still enjoyed it. Does it make up for the cruelty to Yu Xi Gu not at all, but the previous 9 episodes pretty much put it in my top 5 all-time early on. What now? I’m waiting for the dvd drop next year and reliving every blissful moment. Oh, and I’m rewatching episodes 5/6 for Christmas. 

If you made it this far, thank you HIStorians, you all have made this surprise journey most certainly worth it.  

Merry Christmas and Best Wishes to all of you in 2020,

 Jo

 PS: word from Mandarin speaking fans is that the novelization of this series has 2 endings. One happy and the one we saw on Wednesday which…*sigh* at least there’s a universe where the boys are happy. I also have some notes on issues I had with HaoTing’s family in episode 10 that I’ll likely touch on after Christmas.

PPS: I can’t believe we got blessed with multiple Duke Wu appearances!!!

[prasenna]

Hello, Anxiety

Oh Anxiety, you old friend, you sly devil, you cheeky bastard! Never want to let me go, do you? When I first met you around 2 years ago, I instantly had butterflies in my stomach. It felt like a match made in heaven given my inimitable talent to overthink. We were destined to be together!

“How was your 2 week vacation to India?” asked a colleague. “Oh nothing big except that I met someone, fell in love, made plans for our future, agreed to marry each other, only to get dumped the very next day, and spend the remaining days trying really hard to move on. That’s all. No biggie”

Fuck you, anxiety!

I finally find someone interesting, who actually likes me back to the point of spending the rest of their lives with me and my anxiety just had to act up like a jealous bitch! 

Arranged marriages in India are something of an enigma. You are given very little time, say a couple of hours if you’re lucky, to decide if you would like to start a family with them. Yup. No pressure at all. The overwhelming wisdom I received was to check for “good vibes” and for any potential red-flags. That’s about it. Vibe your way into the life of someone who’s not a serial-killer is the plot that’s fueling this entire country onto becoming the world’s largest population - and it’s worked so far. The best one could hope for was to extend the assessment period from hours to days, and that’s what I did.

Look at all the women interested in me! Look at all the parents of women interested in my career accomplishments! is how I began on the app after my bro-in-law created a profile for me citing a not-so-polite reminder of my age. Since nearly all of them are created/managed by parents, you see the same description copy/pasted “upper-middle class, nuclear family with traditional values” which is cool and all but I’m not really here for your family’s values. You wade through the profiles to find one that interests you and wait for your family’s green signal to go ahead and start chatting away. 

I found someone and got the green light to go ahead from my family but so did my anxiety. When it was time to talk to her “Don’t” was the strong voice that kept resonating within me, along with the elevated heart rate. I’ve never felt something so strong within me to stop me from doing something that posed zero-risk. I called up my mom twice to let her know how I’m feeling but she didn’t pick up.

Screw this gut feeling. Override it with rational thoughts.

And override I did, for 4 hours, as I spoke over the phone with her non-stop about how poor a prospect I am to start a life with. That gut feeling seemed to sort of vanish when I was done at 5 am my time.

Rise and shine the next day.

Say no to her! Reject her!, whispered the voice again

Oh god no! Not again. Why? I can’t think of one good reason to reject her. What is this stupid, annoying feeling? Am I a commitment-phobe? Surely not. I’ve been in a relationship where I wanted to take it to the next level, if not for her dad. So, then, why was I afraid? What was I afraid of?

Evening rolls around, and, oh look, I am not nervous anymore! Yay! That’s good, even if it’s strange. Really strange.

Rinse and Repeat. Every. Single. Day.

I felt communicating my fears about that person, to that person, would help clear things off my mind. Finding solutions have always seemed to relive my stress. And so I did.

This went on for 3 days before my planned vacation to India.

I land in India, finish my office work, start my vacation, and start thinking.

I’ve only got 2 weeks in India to sort out all possible issues so I better start thinking quick. Yup, I just asked my, usually overthinking brain, to overthink some more while I was going through anxiety. Splendid idea!

Her sense of humor doesn’t really click with me much. Could that be an issue?

She seems too nice. I rejected a girl once for precisely that reason. Maybe accepting this girl might prick my guilt forever?

This will be a long-distance relationship for months. Can I do that, given my general reservedness and not bore the other person?

I’m barely holding myself together in the US, if not for the friends around me there. With her, we’ll move into a new house all by ourselves. I’m wholly responsible for this person. I can’t afford to slip up anywhere. Shit. Shit. Shit.

How will she work? She can’t simply stay home! I don’t want her to! I’ve got to apply for a Green Card but I don’t even have my H1B yet. Should she do her Masters? If so, that’s going be another long-distance. God dammit. How does everyone else do this?

A New day, a new concern. And I would try to talk this out with her, hoping we find a solution, and consequently quell my fears. What I failed to realize was this mounting pile of fears wasn’t helping her gain confidence, and it was in fact back-firing. I figured all of this would go away once I meet her. Maybe the aforementioned “vibe” would help allay all my fears. It did, only for a day.

She said yes! Hooray! But so did my anxieties.

Does she realize how introverted I am? She’s probably going to be disappointed. What if I don’t meet her expectations and struggle to change? I should talk to her about this

And I typed away, one last time, the fears. Little did I know that I was also typing away my marriage.

She freaked out, understandably so, and called it off!

I think I simply needed to hear “Its okay”. How naïve.

C’est la vie

[in-paradox-space]

when I'm high I'm able to realize nothing matters so I shouldn't worry about it. Shit doesn't always have to be bad, I can find happiness. 

its been a long week and i have thoughts to purge.

When I'm not high I think about how everything is meaningless. We're tirelessly destroying the planet (probably) to keep our lives and expansion going but none of it matters. I am sad, empty and can't find reasons to be happy.

 I think about a girl who I've only met twice in my life. She's not my type... If I even have a type. It hurts how much I want to be with her. I've stopped trying to make sense of it. I'm trying to ignore my feelings. Hoping one day the pain will stop. I'd go through so much pain if I knew I was guaranteed time with her at the end of it though. I spoke about her in September...

 During my huge one week MDMA comedown which made me want to quit everything for good. It took a few weeks but I got over her. She was on my mind every second though. I couldn't make sense of it as I only met her once. I put it down to being very low after taking so much drugs and the fact that I literally never hang out with girls.

 I put it down to that this time as well. 3 or 4 months later I got to meet her again. Last week, I went into town with two other friends. We met up with her there. I did coke for the first time that night too. Friday, December 15 2017 and the early hours the next day. I did coke. I almost got off with a 35 year old woman but my friends were there to stop me. We went to the girls house that night too. I sort of cuddled her while she slept but I was wide awake.

 It was awkward but I was taking in the moment. The other two friends were in the same bed too. It was awkward. They was telling me to cuddle her. I would've never made that move myself. It felt like an arranged marraige. It was awkward because I knew she probably didn’t want me there but she kept saying its alright I can hold her. 

 In the end I just sat by myself, on my phone, wide awake, almost the last of my cough syrup, cocaine and too much booze slurring my mind left to right, while the others slept. We left at 10amish, went back to my friends house.

 Last night. Two days ago. Wednesday. The girl and those two friends went into town again, but I was at my dads place so I didn't come along. Real shit if I knew she was there I might have just got a train that day. Maybe it was best I didn't. So my good bro, uhhhhh they all did MD, not a lot but they blacked out because they was drinking.

I need to stop going into so much detail here. I just feel like I'll read back on these in a few years and I don't want to forget. Why does it matter though?

Well, the girl I like said that my bro was making moves on her and probably fucked her that night. His gf was there too. Nobody remembers so nobody is really viable here.

(switching from mobile to PC typing here)

The girl seems to remember¿

well I think my friend and his gf are probably gonna break up for good. My friends pretty unstable right now.

I was planning on spending a nice night with a different friend, who would never get himself into this kind of mess, he's having a lot of people round and I wanted to be there.

I'm probably gonna be in a hospital waiting room with my friend the whole night though. Being alone right now can't be good for him. Being alone is painful for me right now. I used to like it.

so how do i feel about this?

a little imbalanced. a lot of different feelings.

I slept a full day after the coce. 

I came down hard. My liver has been having some problems so I’m stopping drinking for good. 

Had a funeral on the Monday. My grandmothers.

It’s sad to see her go. 

It was a hopeful funeral though. A lot of tears but she knew how to turn a bad thing into a good thing. There was that feeling there. Surrounded by good family with good intentions and bad pasts.

Went to my fathers, on the other side of the country, later that day. 

I���ve been so depressed there. In that wintery void. 

I’ve been getting fevers and illnesses, likely from my liver. Nausea, fatigue, headaches, loss of appetite, unfortunately no weight loss (typical). 

I had way too much of being isolated and alone on wednesday.

I came back yesterday. Was so depressed in the morning but I saw my friends. Had two joints with my bro which I mentioned before. I very rarely smoke weed. It was cool. I felt great.

Then the drama unfolded. My friend and his gf started arguing like fucking crazy. I was sat there for two hours extremely stoned and panicked by the screaming. I wanted to leave. His gf was telling me not to. Partly out of an awkward politeness, partly because she didn’t want my bro to be alone after the breakup because he’s usually unstable after they argue.

I left, went home, there was no electricity. Had to wait until today until I got more. Just slept in the dark.

I’ve been doing nofap for the past 3 weeks. Dying of liver failure (exaggeration) has made it easier because I really don’t have much libido. 

I keep having wet dreams though. It’s common when you don’t fap, you just kinda let loose in your dreams. 

They’re really inconvenient though because I have to change my underwear and shower. 

I usually wear the same underwear for 3 days until I shower. 

I wash my clothes like once every 2 weeks. 

I had to wear an old pair of underwear last night. 

A lot of people do but nobody ever really talks about it. 

Now. Friday.

A lot went down in the past week. 

 I’ve been thinking about that girl every minute of the past week. Really fucking sad because I don’t have her. 

There’s nothing going on in my life really. 

I’m not making it out like that isn’t my fault for not actively making sure I have something to occupy me. That’s just how it is.

I’m gonna find work next year so I’m occupying myself with something, getting outside. This sad, empty loneliness is too much. 

The fact that being around one girl for one night makes me think of her for the weeks ahead is just an eyeopener

I really need to get out more

I need to interact with more people 

obviously I don’t really feel for that girl and no other girl

its just the fact that I was with her that night, along with the fact my serotonin is low and looking for a pick me up after the drugs and I have no other females on my mind to turn to

i have female friends yes but not IRL, I don’t really get feelings for them

So

I’m sick of the sadness. 

I want to stop drugs. I have stopped codeine. I really have. I have no way to get more codeine other than CWE cocodomol pills which can be laborious to supply. 

I haven’t touched it in weeks, other than 3 days where I kept overdosing just to feel high, the 3 days before the 15th.

I stopped for a week before then, went through the physical withdrawal. 

I gave all the pills to my friend. They’re too expensive to just flush and I want to take them to America because people there appreciate it for more than just a painkiller.

This lifestyle.

It’s harming me in so many ways.

I want to find real sources of happiness. Not short  term fixes. 

I want to find my rat park. 

During the sadness and isolation from friends (my dads place) I just wanted to be high

I just 

I was so sad

I rarely smoke weed but I smoked it yesterday

because I wanted to remember what it was like when the sadness didn’t hurt or disconnect you.

It doesn’t hurt as much today as I’m not as under-stimulated.

I want to repair my liver. I’ve always had liver problems but I didn’t realize how seriously it was getting until recently.

The heavy drinking and daily codeine overdoses (300mg-520mg at a time) have been killing it off. I’ve been high on painkillers every day so I didn’t notice the liver pains.

I hope it’s not permanent. I’m getting symptoms of liver damage still but the liver pains have stopped.

and yeah

its hard but I’m stopping drugs

If i continue, I will come to a point when it isn’t a choice and it will be even harder 

I’m planning to save up and do a big fucking sesh in january or february then not do drugs again except for maybe the occasional xtc every few months, or acid if i ever get the chance

i was going to invite the guys i went with on friday but they’ve all fallen out (probably) because of the drama

Februaryish, imma invite the girl out on the weekend

hopefully shes still single

we’ll get high if she even says yes, idk if she will. she has reasons to and reasons not to.

I’ll just tell her, I think shes awesome and I want to see her more.

She was never mine anyway. If this scares her away, so be it. I got over her last time, I’ll do it this time and I’ll do it again. 

I have nothing to lose.

I think she just wants meaningless sex and drunken nights though. 

I thought I wanted that but I don’t.

All I care about is being happy with friends. 

Talking about random shit, often shitfaced, all night.

Whenever I get a chance with girls, I feel uncomfortable at the thought of it.

I don’t want to fuck girls. I am attracted to them but idk

i would rather just spend time with them

will I be like this forever

I know it isnt normal 

I do sometimes make out with people I don’t know. guys or girls

but if I get to know them at all it throws me off

Like, they’re not anonymous, there’s a name to the face now, they know who I am.

I feel like there’s a witness to it, even if it’s only them

and I mainly associate shame, not pleasure, with sex.

Then there’s a witness to validate the shame.

I like this girl.

I had chances to make moves. I didn’t want to. 

It’s like, if I do then it’s final. It’s a one night fling and nothing more. I also may have scared her away. I’m so ugly recently and I doubt she would’ve been into me then.

I was so happy just talking with her, fuckfaced, about everything. 

It felt like I had a new IRL friend. I just want to talk with her

I wanted to be able to see her again. 

If I did anything, even a kiss, with her that night then I’d feel ashamed whenever I thought about it. 

Then the memory of her would be tainted. 

she was high though

I doubt shes interested in me at all

but fuck it

after I’m over her, I can look at her objectively again

she’s just another regular young girl/woman

which isnt a bad thing

but it means I can look at her clearly, without all these feelings clouding my vision.

then every weekend

I’ll make plans with people, just so I can invite her out too

‘hey im gonna be in town with some friends this weekend, do u wanna come along we need more people’

sure, it’ll be weird

but the offer of free cocaine must take her fancy one night

and thats it

I’ll act like the world is ending 

we’ll have a good time

and I’ll talk about what’s been eating me up for over half a year

Sure, I might get rejected but it must be easier than just carrying on, knowing she will go her separate way when it could have been. 

I need closure. I don’t even think she’s the one or see a future with her, although that’d be great too. 

I just want to go out with her for a few weeks, maybe half a year or so. then we both lose interest in each other, she dumps me

BUT I’LL HAVE CLOSURE THEN. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE. MY FEELINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN PURGED. I USED TO BE HEARTLESS; IMMUNE TO THESE FEELINGS! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

I’m not gonna say ooo i love you, or anything

I’m not gonna ask her out

I’ll just say I really fucking like her, I think she’s great and I’d love to be able to see you often.

something like that

she can say whatever she thinks

probably that its weird i invited her out after all the drama that happened with my friends yesterday(current tense, as im typing this)

At least I will know then. 

Man, I hope she doesn’t have someone by then but I won’t be surprised if she does. 

so today

christmas is a good time isn’t it?

for me its lonely.

everything stops.

winter is already sad enough.

 everyone wants to be with family, but the only day ill be with family is christmas day itself

im glad i get to be with my friends today, that was a nice surprise,

although i might have to leave to be with josh so that he doesnt hurt himself. 

oops. mentioned his name, his anonymity has been erased. voila. 

ive been typing my thoughts her for like an hour

a lot of shit I forgot to mention

but yeah

i need to do a lot of shit which ive been putting off

shower, wash my clothes, pay for electricity, go to my friends. im currently on emergency credit and i only remembered that was a thing an hour ago. after i slept in the dark. 

I feel sad that I’ll probably not be with her, but in time that will pass.

I feel sad because winter is coming, i have nothing to occupy my time.

this will all pass in time, it hurts now, but I will feel happy again soon enough.

hang in there

[memorylang]

Home for Christmas: Birth, Endings and Marriage | #18 | December 2019

I returned from Mongolia to the States for 12 days this winter! It’s the first of my three stories picking up from my adventures away.

With a confluence of reasons to see the States this year, plus some for China, this felt like the perfect Christmas journey. I open with Advent meeting my baby nephew, then Christmas among my family in Vegas before my travel to Reno (my college town) for a wedding and my return to Vegas. Then I left to China. 

Settling In: Stateside Once More

Having set a new record for days outside the U.S., my late-December return marked nearly seven months overseas. 

Upon returning to the state my family occupied, Nevada, I learned its population just passed 3 million. My state’s population nearly matched Mongolia’s! But with the Vegas Valley, its population hits nearly twice Mongolia’s capital. 

But as for temperatures, comparisons stop there. By the time I reached Vegas, I’d shed my puffy winter coats and stuffed them in my backpack. Vegas sat at a toasty 15°C (59°F), compared to Mongolia’s -30°C (-22°F). And Vegas friends said their weather felt cold!

Reunited in Vegas

My first days back at the house, caught up with my four siblings who reassembled. And I ate copious amounts of food, of which I’ll write a couple blog stories from now.

I would bring music, photos, some of my journals, travel souvenirs, Bibles and letters as keepsakes for my continued service in Mongolia. Special thanks to my 23-year-old brother for helping me through my college boxes in the garage. 

I love rainy days. They remind me of Mom, too, at times. 

My older brother gave me plenty tech support, including helping me get downtown to replace my Surface that’s been faulty since Dad bought it three years ago. (Free upgrade!) I also backed up files to cloud storage I could access from Mongolia. 

I also kicked up a K-Pop playlist with recommendations from friends and my 18-year-old youngest bro. The list used to just have songs I encountered at Kiwanis CKI events and a few from my 17-year-old Mongolian host sister. I felt needing K-Pop’s positive vibes and high-energy, as opposed to American pop’s tendency toward symping. Why dwell in darkness when I have the light?

But here’s the key reason I came back to Vegas early. I needed to sort through our late mother’s belongings. I’ll touch on this during the next blog story, about my return to China. Thank you to those who supported me through the sorting.

Baby Wally

I returned home for Christmas for a huge reason—to finally meet my nephew, Wally! 

Squishy baby Wally came from Ohio with my 42-year-old half-brother and my sister-in-law one night, the fourth week of Advent. 

Meeting them the next morning felt amazing. 

I’m an early riser, and his family was still on Eastern Standard Time. After finishing hard drive backups upstairs, I walked downstairs to the kitchen, where Wally stared at me from his rolling chair a long time. He was eight months old. 

I loved his marshmallow hands and how he babbled both incomprehensible murmurs I repeated back to him and vaguely word-seemingly things like, “dada.” I probably only held him a couple times, but we made up for that with how long others held him while he continued to gaze at me.

My brother said Wally really liked me. 

I mentioned a little how the toddlers at the orphanage, too, seemed fascinated by me. Someone somewhere told me babies, kittens and puppies must sense goodness in people. 

Christmas in America

Leading up to Christmas, my family attended Simbang Gabi, a Filipino Catholic celebration during Advent. Since Dad had my siblings and I come, we also got to see the Filipino family ours has evidently spent time with. It reminded me somewhat of the Feast of Santo Niño I attended three years ago in Reno. 

I loved getting to experience at a beautiful church the whole Mass in English—my first back in the States. The Filipino pastor gave a very Vegas homily, in how our vibrant Catholic community sets an example for this city. The Mass also featured a presider I recalled would sometimes say Mass at our church we’d attended since moving to Nevada a decade before. Afterward, we enjoyed a reception featuring copious amounts of Filipino food and music, per usual. 

Midnight Mass

As is Christmas tradition, my family attended Midnight Mass at church. But this year, my 20-year-old sister drove so we could attend carols early. Our music even included hymns from Afro-Caribbean traditions, in addition to choral classics. I recorded clips from caroling and shared with fellow Peace Corps Catholics and Mongolian friends. I wore my silver Mongolian дээл, since this could be the only year I’m back for Christmas while a Peace Corps Volunteer. 

During Mass, I remembered baby Wally when our new pastor spoke of baby Jesus. (Our past priest announced his relocation during my final Mass in the States seven months ago.) Anyway, babies are outstandingly helpless. They require others to survive and thrive. And humans seem biologically programmed to love and care about infants. 

Yet I considered Easter Vigil (my favorite Mass), too, since our Midnight Mass began with a hymn like, “The Exultant.” So I felt somber, considering what mankind one day does to who was once this poor infant. 

After Mass, I greeted a high school friend who’s stayed involved in Kiwanis Circle K International at UNLV and still sings in our local church’s choir. Like many, he felt astonished I could come home from Peace Corps but gleeful nonetheless. 

Full Families

On Christmas Day, my visiting siblings, my younger siblings and I continued the movie-going tradition, seeing, “Knives Out.” I found it delightful, with heartwarming heroes and a clever cat-and-mouse adventure with contemporary themes. I loved its art. Plus Craig and Evans were hilariously not playing James Bond and Captain America. 

That evening, our family had a wonderful dinner, with the Filipina family over. Unfortunately, my youngest brother decided to schedule for work that night, which aggravated Father. But, we still had a nice time. I like how my siblings’ ages merge well with their ages. (From oldest to youngest goes: their oldest sister, my older brother, me, their second oldest sister, my younger sister, my youngest sister, their youngest sister, my youngest brother.) 

Plus, my half-brother, his wife and their son also attended. He sincerely thanked the other family’s mother that our dad had someone new in his life. I smiled, agreeing. It reminded me the speech he gave years ago in getting to know my mom. 

The guest family’s oldest and second oldest sisters brought their boyfriends, and my older bro brought his girlfriend, too. We’d such a large Christmas dinner that we used the kitchen island counter space for food, then the dining room and ping pong tables for eating. 

Following our meal, we exchanged gifts I’ll cover when I describe what I brought back to Mongolia.

Returning to Reno

After Christmas and further friend adventures (I’ll cover in a couple blogs from now), I flew up to Reno, my undergraduate city of four years. We’d a wedding coming.

I felt amazed to boomerang from my high school city to college town and back before my return to Asia. Even in Vegas’ airport, I saw college friends I hadn’t seen in years! Rather, they saw me, while I video called my professional mentor. They joked that they would have thrown Chex Mix at me, but they weren’t sure we had that kind of relationship. I would have loved it, haha.

On the flight, my friends gifted me two palm-fulls of Chex Mix. I felt elated. After take-off, I felt pleasantly surprised to hear and understand small talk around me. People behind me chatted about EDM music careers. From the window on my right, I saw how Nevada’s snowy mountains looked steeper than Mongolia’s. I continued rehearsing my wedding reading I copied down, Romans 12:1-2, 9-18. 

As the flight neared landing, I gazed out the window and saw the familiar Sparks hill where the house my college friends and I rented stands. After landing, I felt weird somewhat recognizing the faces of uni students around in the airport. With a Reno-Sparks population over 500 thousand, though, “The Biggest Little City” stands five times larger than the “big” city where I serve in Mongolia. 

Here to Serve

Just as I disembarked my plane began a funeral service across town for the mother of someone close to us all. While I didn’t have to come, I wanted to. I remembered how touched I felt by those who came to Mom’s funeral, even if they only met her briefly. 

When I arrived, somewhat dazed, in the lobby, the soon-to-be-weds spotted me from the pews and walked out to greet me. They brought me to sit with them, beside other parishioners from our church I hadn’t been with in seven months. As the eulogies concluded, and our priest blessed the casket with the family, we sang together.

I felt at ease among such close friends. The service felt a warm reintroduction to my college town community. For, my trip home wasn’t meant quite for me. I meant to support.

First Wedding Party

That night, I reunited with and met the many of our wedding party for rehearsals. Rehearsals went smoothly. Afterward, the wedding party enjoyed pizza and wings with the bride and groom. I felt gleeful to catch up with some of my favorite faithful folks from my final years at university.

Between wedding rehearsals and Sunday Mass, I reunited with the choir I knew and loved singing with four years, including my confirmation sponsor. Even our instrumentalist who’d since left for graduate school returned to play. Just like old times. 

That weekend, I also attended my first bachelors’/bachelorettes’ party. I felt much more relaxed among these people I’d known a while. I enjoyed the added benefit of having no college coursework to distract me from being present to those there. I felt honored to partake in the wedding tradition among such fun people.  

Christian Love

The Monday morning of the wedding, one of our choir members had a family emergency, and I received the appointment to cantor our psalm, “To You O God, I Lift Up My Soul.” So I started rehearsing from the morning-of. 

I wore the most eclectic outfit, including a normal pair of black slacks I’d known since high school in Vegas (before 2015), the golden silk shirt I bought in Beijing the 2017 week I first met Chinese relatives and the black suit jacket I bought in my Mongolian city for Teachers’ Day 2019. What a coincidence they asked me to wear golden colors, a suit and something traditional if I liked. These came together with my Reno boutonnière to form, for me, among my most meaningful outfits. 

As the hours neared showtime, our jazz cue began, and I transitioned from greeting guests at the door and choir rehearsal to assembling for the procession in. I walked in with a close friend, who I loved chatting with. I especially loved the ringbearers with the rings on their sabers. Most special, our wedding party had front-row seats to witnessing the bride’s beautiful entry and seeing the heartfelt betrothals. I felt like such a cheerleader.

I stepped up to the ambo for what the groom called his favorite psalm. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to let me be the vessel. I sang with a little soul, yay. Seeing the couple’s and my choir members’ cheer gave me strength all the way to my high-note finish. 

Then I closed the songbook I borrowed from the Grand Knight, prepared the mic once more, probably gave a curt smile, and began the reading from the letter of St. Paul to the Romans. 

In Mongolia’s capital for the Peace Corps conferences, one night at dinner, one of my Catholic friends asked me my favorite Bible verse. I said, "Oh, I love these readings from Saint Paul, since he was my confirmation Saint. And reading his readings feels like reading a cosmic ancestor of mine. Especially, 'Do not conform yourselves to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind'" (Romans 12:2). After that, I went to help my student and a teacher apply for summer fellowships to the U.S. that were due the next days. After finishing those a few hours, I finally opened the bride-to-be’s message to see exactly which Paul reading she sent me. As I got midway through reading it aloud to a friend, I realized this was Romans 12 and went, "OH MY GODDDD."

What a sacrament. I felt great hope that taking my time with relationships will lead to extraordinary joy. Choir members congratulated me on an amazing psalm. After Mass, our priest commended me as having delivered the best reading of Romans 12:1-2, 9-18 he’d ever heard. I felt stunned. 

The wedding reception felt wonderful. I spent most of my time with the fencing group. I enjoyed their fellowship, and they enjoyed my energy. I’d spend my days up to New Year’s among the newlyweds and their family still.

Las Vegas and Nevada Grow on Me

Given the subtle ways Nevada reminds me of Mongolia, I felt myself starting to feel more at-home in the Sagebrush State than when I left. From Vegas to Reno and around.

I used to loathe telling people I’m from Vegas, actually. I usually note it as the city where my family lives. But, after seven months in Mongolia, I feel like even Vegas has its charm. Hearing Panic! At The Disco on a mall radio felt right at home. 

Vegas lights appeal to many from many places—especially Asia, reports say. And that’s special. Mom liked this city.

Up next is my New Year’s 2020 experience, followed by my return to Mongolia through Beijing, China.  You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

[lostintaegi-blog]

Lost Souls ch 2

Chapter 1| Chapter 2| Chapter 3

The week flew by and finally it was the weekend. You managed to convince Mark that you wanted to go in early so you didn’t have to always worry about getting to class on time and to finish up all your homework for the last couple weeks. He reluctantly agreed but only if you promised to spend the weekend at his place, of course you said yes. You grew closer to Taehyung as well throughout the week, enjoying the brutal honesty that he always provided. There was also this strange sense of familiarity to him that you couldn’t shake. Everything about him just drew you in, like you were related in a past life. He knew what you liked, what you didn’t and knew your personality well enough to know when to stop with his extremely strange jokes or when to calm you down from beating some poor girl that bumped into you while rushing to her next class (seriously, that poor girl almost died).

The only problem with you growing closer to Taehyung is the ever growing distance with you and Mark. He only seemed to stay around because you asked him to and  always grew overprotective. In the first few days it was almost as if all his trust issues from his dark past came back. You never pushed him to tell you everything that happened back then, just patiently waiting for the day that he told you but for some strange reason you didn’t want to wait any longer. Your patience was wearing thin and strangely you felt as if your feelings for him were slowly dwindling. You knew in your heart that no matter what happened between you too that you would still pass and graduate a whole two years before everyone in your original year. At the age of 21 you were finishing your senior year at Princeton but you never let it get to your head, there were still a select few students a few years younger than you.

Shaking your head and looking up at the sky you noticed just how blue it was. Something about it, though obviously serene, seemed ominous, as you hugged Taehyung goodbye and got in your car to go home. Today was Mark’s day to work so he left his classes early. Taehyung had been reluctant to leave you for some reason but wouldn’t outright tell you. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you? Just until he comes back.”

“Yeah, he wouldn’t like you being at my house. If you think he’s mean now, he would be absolutely terrifying once he found out and I don’t like lying to him so I would tell him.” You sighed softly and looked at him, drumming your fingers on the steering wheel. “How are you getting home?”

“Oh, so you noticed?” He looked away shyly then smiled his rectangle smile at you, “Usually one of the guys picks me up but they’re all busy today so I have to take a cab.”

“No, you don’t.” You smiled and unlocked the car door, “Get in, little bro. I’ll take you to my house to pack then you’ll go home.” You smiled at his nervousness then urged him further. “If I don’t take you home then it will bother me all weekend until I see your silly blank face on Monday.” Your smile brightened when he got in the car and looked at you with a nervous , innocent expression.

“Do you really think of me as a brother already?” When you nodded and held his hand gently, his smile was so pure and happy. As though that was all he ever needed to hear and know. It was then that you knew you  truly meant it. Something with him just clicked and you didn’t want to try and ignore it any longer. As you drove home you slowly started to think about how much you’ve grown to look forward to seeing him in just a short amount of time, as if he truly were a long lost sibling that you desperately needed to get to know as much as they knew you.

When you got to your house and went to unlock the door, Taehyung looked around confused. You lived in a quaint two-family house, your parents technically owned it so they paid for everything. They aren’t rich but they are much better than most people and they wanted you to have the freedom of living on your own without all the responsibilities. Although they did make you pay for your own amenities, the rent, gas, electricity, and water were all paid for by them. “Do you not live with anyone?” Taehyung asked softly, almost sadly. You looked back at him as you opened the door, shaking your head slowly.

You dropped your bag at the door as you took off your shoes. Motioning him up the stairs to your bedroom you took out your duffel bag and started packing. “I like living alone though it is lonely. Mark doesn’t like coming here though, so I usually just end up going to his place.” You sat on your bed and huffed softly.

“Why doesn’t he just move in here?” He asked as he sat next to you, looking at you with a strange expression. You couldn’t quite figure it out but it felt familiar.

“That’s simple, my parents like to visit every other week to make sure I’m doing well. He doesn’t really get along with them, and rightfully so. They don’t like him because of his past. Although sometimes it feels like they know more than I do.”

“You know about his past?” His eyebrows shot up into his hair and it made you laugh, shaking your head slowly. “Not really. He only told me people he trusted with his life left him to die. He told me they had cut his back really badly and that’s why he has these really bad scars near his shoulder blades. He never told me anything more than that. I have no idea who they are or what exactly happened that led to that incident.” The sigh that escaped your lips was sad and you felt tears forming in your eyes. You didn’t want to lie to him but you knew Mark didn’t want you to tell him. It was true that he didn’t name the guys but he did tell you that he was a demon, born from demon parents. At first you were shocked but something about it clicked. His eyes were always oddly colored when you were all alone, then he explained that he wore contacts because people would freak out that his eyes were a vivid red and purple, different hues dancing in them. Considering your own eyes were an inhuman iridescent swirl of green and blue, you never thought twice about it. Your parents have always made you wear brown contacts to hide their unique color.

Biting your lip you looked at at your knees and tried to calm yourself. Brother or not, you were not going to cry and make yourself vulnerable.

Too late. Taehyung wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer, squeezing your shoulders gently. “You don’t have to deal with it alone anymore. I can tell you everything about me if it would make up for it.” He pulled back enough to wipe the tears that were flowing steadily down your cheeks, smiling shyly. “No one knows all my secrets but I’ll tell them to you.” You looked in his eyes and shook your head slowly.

“You don’t have to. Besides there’s a lot you don’t know about me. I can’t ask you to tell me everything about yourself.” Your vision clouded in a haze of brown and you swore under your breath, pulling away from him quickly and running to the bathroom to fix your contacts. Maybe it was the fact that the only person to see your real eye color besides your parents was Mark, but you just weren’t ready to let him see.

Unfortunately for your comfort, Taehyung followed you, looking at your natural eye with his mouth wide open. “A-are you… Like me?” He closed the distance between you and looked deep in your eyes, searching for an answer. What does he mean like him? “Areira, tell me! Are you like me?!” He shook you frantically, which started to scare you.

Silently you shook your head and looked at him with a mixture of confusion and hurt. “I don’t know what you mean, Tae. I was just born with them this color.” His face hardened and he let go of you slowly, looking down and sighing hard.

“Oh… I see. I’m sorry for scaring you.” He looked in your eyes apologetically but there was something else. Disappointment?

You took his hand and squeezed it gently, maybe you should know his story first. “Tell me your story…” You whispered softly. His eyes widened then he relaxed and nodded slowly, pulling you back to your bed and sat you down.

Then he sat down in front of you, looking up and you and keeping your hands entwined. “Please, listen until the end. That way if you don’t want to hear from me ever again then I will just tell Yoongi it won’t work out.” You nodded slowly and squeezed his hand again. Something about the way he said it made you think back to Mark’s supernatural confession, but there was  also a slight twinge of fear at the mention of your stalker. “I’m a vampire. I was born a vampire and although everyone thinks we’re immortal, we aren’t. My parents were killed by werewolves when I was 8. It was really hard for me until I met Yoongi. He was the only other vampire I knew and he took care of me. He convinced his parents to take me in and they raised me as their own until I was old enough to know right from wrong, who to feed from and who not.” He spoke so quickly that this moment he took to pause and look at your unflinching hand gave you a second to process what he was saying. So he was born a supernatural like Mark but they’re different kinds. His parents were killed but you wouldn’t be able to tell by looking at him, he always seemed so happy.

He looked back in your eyes and continued, “About five years ago we formed a group. People like us that just wanted to coexist without all the fighting. My best friend to this day is a werewolf, believe it or not.” He smiled proudly at this. “A lot of vampires don’t like them for obvious reasons but they aren’t all bad. Anyway, there was a couple of demons hanging around and I tried to befriend one of them, but their leader, Jaebum, didn’t like me to much.” Jaebum? I know that name from somewhere. Taehyung looked down nervously then took a deep breath and looked back in your eyes. “Mark was there with them. They were bad guys then, but he didn’t always agree with them.

“You see demons aren’t always evil. They were just born with a stronger potential to be evil. He approached me privately and Yoongi accepted him in our group along with another demon from a different town called Hoseok. The demon’s name was Hoseok, not the town he was from. Things were good with all 7 of us, including two other vampires and another werewolf, but then two years ago, Jaebum’s group attacked us. We had just brought in this runaway wolf that had been living on his own for a couple years. They wanted Mark back and we couldn’t fight them off, so when they grabbed Mark, we ran away.” He looked down sadly. “We aren’t really fighters. We know the basics but we don’t really go out of our way to further our battle skills. We also didn’t know they were going to rip his wings off.” He then looked back at your hand, which started to shake from the anger you felt.

Apparently it was showing on your face because he looked at you with a worried expression. “Are you mad at me for not fighting them? Because I would have been killed.” You shook your head violently and released his hand, storming off to the bathroom, slamming the door. How DARE they do that to him. When he first told you it made you angry but you figured he just had been attacked by strangers and left by his friends. Now that you knew the whole story it ignited something in you. Annoyed by your mismatched eyes you took out your other contact and tried to take a deep calming breath but it just made you more angry. Everyone that knew you knew not to get on your bad side. Well these assholes didn’t know you but they better believe that they will today. Your green-blue eyes glowed with an intensity that you never noticed before but that was irrelevant now, you were out for blood.

You opened the door to find Taehyung sitting there sadly. “Do you know where Jaebum is right now?” You asked him through gritted teeth.

He looked at you worriedly and confused. “Yeah, but I won’t tell you. You’re angry right now and I know how you are. You can’t beat him, you’re human.”

“Taehyung. If you don’t tell me where the fuck that asshole is I will kick your ass instead.”

He gulped and stood up slowly, “He’s at the old industrial factory. That’s where they hang out.”

“Then that’s where we’re headed before I bring you home.”

The drive there was quiet. You held onto your anger and gripped the steering wheel tightly as you sped through the city. Taehyung finally spoke up, his deep voice thick with confusion. “You’re taking my being a vampire better than I thought you would.” You sighed softly and let your mind wander. Should I just tell him? You slowed down to the speed limit then rethought your revenge plan and pulled over about a block from the factory.

Looking at Taehyung carefully you could tell he was scared but of what you weren’t sure. “I had a feeling. I would say I am too but, as far as I know, I don’t drink blood, I don’t really have fangs like a vampire although sometimes if I get really angry things…. Happen. I’m not quite sure if that really makes me one but not even Mark knows this. You’re the first person I told.” He looked at you confused then smiled widely.

“You said your parents come regularly right?” You looked at him confused but nodded. “Do they bring you food when they visited?”

“Yeah but what do- Of course! They put the blood in my food. No wonder I always get this awkward pang of hunger whenever I would smell certain things.” You smiled and held his hand gently. “I guess I am like you after all. Now come on, I have to go kick some ass.”

Much to his dismay, your heartwarming confession did very little to quell your anger and once you got there and found 6 boys just laying around, your anger seemed to boil over into a pure seething rage. “Which one of you losers is Jaebum?” Your voice was loud and clear. Now most of these guys looked to be at least a good head taller than your petite 5’3 frame but that didn’t scare you. Neither did the fact that they all came closer and had their wings (beautiful bastards) out. No, that fact only fueled your anger.

“That would be me, but I can assure you I’m no loser.” He walked up to you until he was looking down at you, an amused look on his face. “How can I help you little girl.”

The patronizing tone of his voice sent chills over your body, you looked at Taehyung and nodded towards the car. “Go wait for me, Tae. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I can’t just leave you here, they’ll kill you.” He looked at you pleadingly. “Let’s just go back. We’re really sorry for bothering you.” He reached for your arm and normally you would never talk to him like this but something about his pleading and lack of faith in you made you more angry. How is possible to be more angry than I am now? You pulled your arm away and glared at him. “Go wait in the fucking car Taehyung. I will NOT repeat myself again.” His expression was torn between disobeying you to protect you and running away hurt. He fortunately chose the latter and ran to the car.

“Aww, your babysitter is leaving, do you really think you can take us without help?” One of the boys said. It seemed like he was the tallest of them. You smirked and punched Jaebum in the face, making him fall to the ground.

“I don’t need a babysitter, I’m strong enough to take all of you on.” Then, before they had time to react, you grabbed the closest one to you, a blonde, and slammed his face into your knee, hearing a satisfying crack sound in the open space. Running towards the tall loud mouth, you jumped and kicked him in the face, forcing him to go flying into the remaining two that were circling you. The only one that was still in back, a black haired boy with a kind face just looked at you wide eyed and raised his hands in surrender. “I don’t know what pissed you off but I swear I didn’t do it.”

Jaebum was stirring on the ground and trying to get up, you sighed loudly and walked over, kicking him hard in the side repeatedly until you heard the sweet sound of bones cracking. Something was stirring within you, you smelled their blood but it didn’t excite you the way you expected it to. Nonetheless, you felt good, powerful even.

“Did you help them take off Mark’s wings?” You asked the black haired boy. “Be honest or I’ll hurt you twice as bad for lying.”

“No. I was there but once I realized what they were planning I tried to leave but they forced me to stay. If I tried to help, they would’ve done the same to me.” He looked genuinely sad and afraid. You nodded and turned away, walking towards your car slowly. You hadn’t fought anyone in a long time so it felt nice but something was missing. It felt incomplete. You turned around and walked back, smiling evilly. “Jaebum, I forgot something.”

He looked at you rebelliously but the fear was so painfully obvious in his eyes. “What?”

“These.” You flipped him onto his belly, hearing his sweetly pained groans and stepped on his back with one foot, grabbing both wings firmly and started pulling with all your strength. His screams filled the factory and his friends did absolutely nothing to help, they were staring at you in absolute terror. Maybe it was because pulling the wings off usually took more than one person and yet, here you are. A simple little girl, pulling the wings off of a demon. When they finally started to come off you were sprayed with blood and laughed joyfully at the site. Something about it was just so… Wonderful! You yanked harder, releasing one and focusing on the other, freeing it from his back. You immediately dropped it and started on the other, not holding back as all your muscles were receiving such a nice workout. There was nothing like it and as you licked your lips, tasting the sweet substance you took your trophies with you. “My name is Areira, don’t you ever forget me.”

Once you got close enough to the car Taehyung ran to you, scooping you up in a big hug. “I was so worried. Then I heard Jaebum screaming and I figured you were winning.” When he put you down he looked at you then his eyes widened. “What did you do?”

“What that bastard deserved.” You threw the wings in the trunk and sighed softly. All of the anger you felt was gone and you were left feeling empty. Maybe you just needed to get the blood off and relax in a shower. “Can I shower at your place? I really want to go see Mark soon.” You looked at Taehyung softly then looked down at your bloodied clothes.

He looked reluctant to let you but couldn’t say no when you started to pout. “Fine, just don’t be too surprised by what you see there.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll know when you see it. Come on, we’re close enough.” He got in the car and sighed softly, rubbing his head then started texting.

You looked over at him confused while you drove to his house, though his eyes stayed glued to his phone. This wasn’t like him at all. “Tae, are you mad at me? I was just so angry, I didn’t mean to yell at you like that. I didn’t mean it at all.” You didn’t want him to be upset with you, that was never your goal.

“No, no you did what you felt was right. It's just...” He sighed heavily, “I don’t live alone.” He looked up as you pulled in the driveway and you saw the other three cars there. It was a quite large house, bordering on being a mansion.

“How many people live here?” You looked at him nervously.

“Including myself, 7. But I think only Hoseok, Jin, and Jungkook are home so it will be ok.” He looked around nervously then nodded, opening the door and grabbing both of your bags. “Come on, I’ll bring you to my room. It has a private bathroom.”

You nodded shyly and followed close behind him. He lives with his friends which means he lives with Yoongi, the guy that had been following me around. If only you knew what he looked like. Taehyung led you up the elaborate stairs and past several doors before stopping at one with a drawing of a full moon rising over a lake. The image captivated you and he watched with a smile on his face then he leaned in and whispered “Yoongi drew it for my birthday a few years ago.” A warm blush crept on your face but you didn’t quite understand why. Maybe it was because you were caught staring at something? His room was a decent size and had a queen sized bed. Why he needed such a big bed when it was just him you didn’t know. There were a couple of dressers against one wall and the closet was next to it on the far side by the window that seemed to overlook the driveway. On the other side of the room there was a door leading to a dark bathroom.

You looked at him and smiled then grabbed your bag and quickly ran to the bathroom. “I’ll be real quick, ok brother?” You looked at him smiling brightly

“Ok sister~” He smiled back just as brightly then rubbed his stomach. “I’m gonna go make me something to eat but no one else will come in here, ok?”

You nodded once more and closed the door. You turned on the light and looked at the shower, making sure you knew how to work it before you got naked. Once it was on and to the desired steamy temperature you slowly took out what you were going to wear, your toiletries, and grabbed a towel from the linen closet. Stepping into the shower you felt instantly relieved, letting the hot water run over your body as you let the events of today slowly fade away. You had finally voiced  why you always felt so different from everyone else, but it no longer made you feel isolated, but included. You promised yourself you would tell Mark when you saw him tonight.

Almost immediately after you turned off the water and started drying off, you heard his door close. “I hope you brought me something too, I haven’t eaten since lunch and I worked up a big appetite today.” You slipped your underwear on and wrapped the towel around you. We consider each other siblings, this shouldn’t be too weird, right? With a deep sigh you smiled and opened the bathroom door, holding up your lotion. “Hey, you wanna do me the biggest favor and-.” You dropped your lotion and stared wide eyed at the green haired boy that looked at you with wide blue eyes. His mouth hung open and he looked you up and down in disbelief, almost as if he thought he were dreaming. Your scream left your mouth before you could control it and you quickly rushed towards him and shooed him out the room. “What the hell?! How can you just come in here without announcing yourself? Why the hell are you in Tae’s room anyway?”

“Hey, I live here, why should I announce myself. Besides he told me to come in here.”

“TAEHYUNG!!!!!” You screamed so loud that the poor boy had to cover his ears. Shortly after an embarrassed Taehyung came in through the door. “Yes, sister?”

“What the fuck?” You eyed the green haired boy suspiciously as he seemed to stare at you as though you weren’t even real.  Fuck, I left my contacts at home Well that explained that.

Taehyung looked at you innocently then looked at the other boy, “Oh, you mean why did he come here. This,” he grabbed the boy's shoulder and smiled mischievously, “Is Yoongi. He wanted to know who brought me home when Jin couldn’t.” You looked at the boy again, this time something in you stirred uncomfortably. So this is my stalker.

You took a deep breath then looked Taehyung in the eye, avoiding looking at the other boy at all costs. “Tell your friend to stop following me home.” You said it so nonchalantly that it almost didn’t shock him, almost.

“You told her?!” the boy, Yoongi, spun around and glared at him. Taehyung looked at you with a betrayed look but you just smirked and walked back to the bathroom to get dressed. “I mean honestly of all the things you could have done, that was the worst.”

“It's not what you think I promise, she was just curious about you.”

“That doesn’t mean you tell her that I followed her home.” He sounded so upset, and desperate. It was almost cute if you weren’t so creeped out by the fact of it all. You listened to them argue some more while you got dressed in a corseted vest that zipped up the front and skinny jeans. To your surprise you heard the door close which meant one, or both, had left. You admired your eyeliner one more time before packing up your bag and leaving the bathroom, only to find a sullen Yoongi sitting on the bed. Feeling brave you  tapped him with your foot and tried to smile at him. This made a bright red blush cover his cheeks and he quickly looked away. “I didn’t follow you home just because I wanted to. There were guys following you and I just wanted to make sure you were safe.” He looked at you carefully then looked back down. “But I swear I haven’t in a long time.”

“I saw you across the street from my house 4 days ago.” You sighed softly and sat down next to him. Something about the way he was acting now made it seem like he wasn’t such a bad guy but you were still ready to fight if you had to. “I think you mean well but if you want to get to know me, talk to me. Don’t send Taehyung to get to know me for you, although I really like him and glad you sent him.” You smiled again and looked in his eyes, they were also two-toned like your’s but instead of mixing with green, his were grey and blue. He looked at you unblinking for a long time until finally he leaned in slowly, stopping right before your noses touched. His voice was as soft as velvet as he whispered your name. You felt your heart racing but didn’t understand it.

You never felt like this, not even with Mark. “You would still let me get to know you even though you know I followed you?” You didn’t trust your voice so you simply nodded in response. He reached for your hand slowly. A warm blush crept across your cheeks as you tried to understand what was making your body feel as though it were on fire. He then closed the distance between you. His lips were soft and tentative, as if he were afraid of being too forceful would scare you away. You knew that you shouldn’t have, you knew this was foolish of you to feel these things but you kissed him back, harder, gently entwining your fingers with his. You let go of every worry that you had and just let yourself enjoy the moment.

Yoongi was surprised by this but he quickly welcomed it and kissed back with just as much desire. Kissing him wasn’t enough, you squeezed his hand and bite his bottom lip gently. The groan that left his mouth filled you with a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. His tongue licked your lips questioningly, asking for permission to enter your mouth but you denied him. Pulling away slowly to tease him but he didn’t let you get far. He grabbed you and pulled you back to him and slid you effortlessly onto his lap, holding you tightly against him. You entwined your now free hand in his hair and kissed him deeper, feeling your hips start to move ever so slowly over his crotch. He groaned deep in his throat and gripped your ass gently.

There was something magnetic about your kiss, as though no matter what you did, you couldn’t pull away. You didn’t want to. You allowed him access into your mouth and the taste of him overwhelmed your senses in way that could only be dreamt about. The way his tongue danced with yours was almost like it was made just for you and there was nothing that would ever make you stop. That was until you heard Taehyung gasp. You pulled away and looked  back at him, cheeks flushed from both lust and embarrassment. “Taehyung… I..” You were just making out with a total stranger that was stalking you, no big deal. You sighed deeply and pulled away from Yoongi, running a hand through your hair. “I should go.”

You grabbed your bags then Taehyung’s hand, pulling him down to the front door then hugged him tightly. He returned it immediately and whispered in your ear, “Did I mess up or make it better?”

“I don’t know yet, Tae. Just next time I come over, don’t leave me alone with him unless I broke up with Mark.” He nodded and released you, smiling brightly. You smiled back and looked at the top of the stairs. Yoongi was standing there with a sad expression and waved goodbye. You nodded then looked back at Taehyung the left to go talk to your boyfriend.

It needs to be done.

On the drive to Mark’s house your mind kept going back to Taehyung’s room. To the boy with  the uniquely sharp yet gentle features and eyes the color of a stormy ocean. There were so many things swirling in them, so many emotions that he thought were guarded but you saw them all the closer he got. You saw in them his desire for you, his fear that he would never get to experience you the way Mark does. There was confusion as to whether you would accept him as he was, if only he knew! But you always promised Mark that if you did ever break up it would never be to date other people. Was that what you were planning on doing?

You sighed heavily and gently tugged at the necklace that always dangled between your breasts. One of the only gifts ever given to you by your aunt, she told you it would protect you from all the evil in the world and so far it had done it's job. You never took it off. Not because you thought it would do anything to harm you, but simply because it was precious to you. Three months after she gave it to you, she passed away in a car accident.

At the red light you looked at the now darkening sky and pouted, wishing you had wore something brighter for the night. Thinking about the night’s events only brought you back to your original train of thought. The kiss. Mark deserved to know, he was only ever good to you and adored you with every ounce of his heart. Unfortunately, that’s where his affections stopped. After almost 2 years together you had only said those three little and all too powerful words to each other once, and even then he looked like it physically pained him to say it. However for all you knew, demons actually did have a hard time loving someone else and this was the most he could give you.  It wasn’t enough. Your mind wandered back to Yoongi and tried to identify the last emotion swimming in his eyes. Whatever it was, it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t matter to me, Taehyung does. “Taehyung is the only one in that house that I care about.” Your voice was barely above a whisper but it was fine, you just needed to say those words aloud to make them feel true.

Your phone buzzed loudly and you bit your lip, hoping with all your heart that it wasn’t Mark. You reached in your bag and glanced at the screen, swearing softly under your breath. Calming yourself you swiped to answer and put the phone on speaker, pulling over about a block away from your destination. “I’m driving babe, what’s up?” your voice was full of innocence and slight irritation at being stopped.

“Where the hell are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago.” Well he wasn’t happy about your detours.

You sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of your nose, wishing there were an easier way to explain everything. “Give me like 3 minutes and I’ll be there and we can talk all about my day.”

There was a long pause and you could just imagine his skeptical stare through the phone. “Where are you?”

“Literally like a block away but you know I don’t like to drive and talk on the phone.”

“Alright. 3 minutes.” He hung up and you almost threw your phone, completely frustrated with this entire situation. “He’s gonna be even happier when he finds out where I was today.” You muttered as you drove off.

You parked your car next to his truck and grabbed your bag from the passenger side, blowing a stray strand of hair from your face as you walked up to the door and knocked. A few seconds passed before he opened the door but when he did you were greeted by your gorgeous boyfriend’s topless figure. A nice tone and lean build leaning in the doorway, damp hair hanging in his face barely covering the different colored eyes that were glaring at you. “Where were you today?” He questioned bluntly. You huffed and all the feelings of adoration you had from admiring his toned, and apparently freshly washed body, gave way to annoyance. You reached up and rubbed his hair then gently pushed him out the way, letting yourself in and setting your bag down. Then you went straight to the kitchen and got a bottle of water.

After taking a long sip you looked over at him and smiled. “Well, hello to you too, loving boyfriend of mine. I had a really interesting day today. First, Taehyung came over and we bonded over some stuff while he helped me pack, picking out this outfit specifically for me to wear for you.” His expression was a mixture of annoyance and pained curiosity, though he would never admit to the latter.

Mark took a deep breath and nodded then squinted at the floor, “Where were you really? It doesn’t take you an hour and a half to pack and get here.”

“I had to take him home.” You shrugged and looked indifferent, internally you were yelling at yourself to just tell him about going to see Jaebum. “Oh, and I took a shower and got ready at his place. I met Yoongi.” His eyes widened and he grabbed your shoulders tightly.

“You went inside his house? I told you to stay away from him. The only reason why I even let you get close to him is because I had no choice, he has all of your classes. You shouldn’t be associating with people like him.”

“People like him? You’re a fucking demon for god’s sake! You think that makes you a great judge of character based off of some secret past that you won’t tell me about?” You pulled away and glared at him. “There’s nothing you can tell me that would make me leave him, he’s like a brother to me.”

He narrowed his eyes at you then looked away, obviously hurt, “You’ve known him all of a week, I’ve known him for years and I can tell you now that Taehyung and his friends Yoongi, Seokjin, and Hoseok are no good. Coming from a demon you should listen to me.” You never held it against him before but something was different. I’m one of them.

You sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling him closer and resting your head on his chest then slowly wrapped your arms around his waist. “I didn’t mean it like that…” You whispered softly. He relaxed and held you gently, closing his eyes and kissed your head.

“I know. It still hurt… I’m just worried that they’ll hurt you.”

“Taehyung would never hurt me. I can promise you that.” You kissed his chest gently then pulled away enough to look in his eyes. He shook his head slowly and pulled you back. Stubbornly you pulled away again, a small smile on your lips and you cupped his face gently, bringing your face just a breath away from his. “Look at me.” His eyes fluttered open slowly, shyly looking into your own. “I’ll be more careful, ok?” He nodded and smiled, kissing you gently and slow. Your mind instantly went back to your kiss with Yoongi and it flooded your senses with a desperate hunger.

You kissed back harder, pulling him closer to deepen it. At first he was caught off guard but that quickly changed as his hands travelled down your waist and cupping the supple flesh of your butt. It still wasn’t enough, you were imagining Yoongi’s hands, his mouth, instead of Mark’s. You needed to confirm that the only person that could make you feel this was in fact Mark, that the feelings you felt earlier were just a fluke. Your hands found their way to his hair and grabbed a fistful, pulling playfully. A sweet moan escaped his mouth and his lips pulled away from yours, travelling along your neck and shoulders, leaving sweet kisses and bites in their wake. You bit back the moans from leaving your mouth, not quite understanding why you were this way. Your body was still craving more, growing ever disappointed when your boyfriend’s canines didn’t break skin.

When his eyes found yours again they were full of lust. His hand was on your cheek, thumb rubbing slowly over your bottom lip. Almost instinctively you took it into your mouth and sucked on it gently, never taking your eyes off of his. Something was different. The look in his eyes seemed to be disconnected as if he were searching your’s. Something wasn’t clicking into place the way it usually did because he pulled away and held you at arm's length. Confused, you looked at him sadly. “What did you do?” He whispered softly, looking at you with a mixture of lust and sadness. You started to resent the fact that you could never keep things hidden from him, even if just for a moment. “You can tell me anything, you know that..” You bit your lip gently and took a deep breath, not trusting your voice just yet. Mark patiently waited, never taking his eyes off of you.

Once you trusted yourself enough to tell him the whole truth you looked in his eyes, his beautiful bright eyes. In a small voice you spoke softly, “Taehyung told me what happened. He told me everything.” No recognition in his eyes, you pushed on. “He told me what Jaebum did to you…” There was a spark of something in all that sadness and concern.

His voice betrayed his seemingly calm face, shaking just the slightest, “So what did you do.?”

“Exactly what he did to you.” You whispered softly and bit your lip hard, looking down though not from sadness.

His hands slid from your shoulders, down to your hands, squeezing them gently before letting them go. “I’m not happy that you went to fight my battles for me, but I appreciate what your intentions were. So, is that why it took you so long?” His voice was far away, probably from shock.

“Yes and no. After Taehyung told me, I was so angry that I had to do something. I swear I was just going to beat them up but something just pushed me to hurt him as badly as he hurt you.” You paused and bit your lip harder. “I think that I’m a vampire. My parents have been feeding me blood secretly through the food they give me when they visit.” His eyes widened a little but he held your hand again.

“I didn’t know.” You quickly stopped him and gently pulled your hand away, his expression now confused and sad.

“Let me finish. Afterwards I was covered in blood, so I took a shower at Tae’s. I ran into Yoongi shortly after that and something...” another deep breath “Something happened between us. He kissed me. I didn’t stop him even though I knew I should have. Something wouldn’t let me stop, not until Tae came back in his room.” Mark looked you, hurt and betrayal plain on his face.

“Please tell me that’s all you did. You didn’t sleep with him, did you?”

“No! I would never do that to you.” Your voice was shaky and weak but you meant every word you said and hoped, prayed, he felt your sincerity. His eyes wouldn’t meet yours and he eventually turned and walked away. You didn’t dare follow him so you went to the living room and sat there in silence. Your phone buzzed in three quick pulses. Sighing sadly, you checked your phone solemnly only to be surprised. It was Taehyung. You opened the message and felt your eyebrows come together.

Received @ 7:30 P.M. Tae:3 : Hi, it’s Yoongi. I just wanted to say I was sorry about today. I asked Taehyung for your number but he said this would be better?

You stared at your phone confused. Why did he put a question mark? Didn’t he know I had a boyfriend? Another message came through, you opened it and felt your heart skip a beat

Received @ 7:31 P.M. Tae:3 : You know what, I’m not sorry that I kissed you. I enjoyed it and I know you enjoyed it too. I don’t know what it is but ever since I laid eyes on you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Look I don’t give a fuck about anything, ever. That’s who I am, but I care so much more when I think about how you would see me.

You sat there staring at your phone for a moment, unable to process what was said. You sat there thinking of a response. Obviously you had to let him know that whatever it was he felt for you was one-sided and that it could never happen again and yet you were hesitating. You typed up your response, mouthing the words as you went, I’m flattered but I have a boyfriend. Today was an accident that I don’t plan on repeating, I’m sorry if this hurts you but it would be in everyone’s best interest if you just forgot about me. You stared at the screen and tried to send it but it seemed like too much. The worst he did was like you. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you” you could almost hear his voice saying those words with so much emotion, though which ones you could not be sure of.

You closed your eyes and leaned your head back, jumping up when you felt your head bump into Mark’s.  He was eyeing your phone suspiciously, “Aren’t you going to send that? I think he deserves to know that much at least.” You sighed softly and nodded. Looking over the message one more time you added in,  Please don’t contact me again, I have no intentions of ever being with you. Send.

That was it. It was over. No more mysterious feelings, no more lusting over anything. Just done. Mark looked at you carefully then kissed your cheek, wrapping his arms around your body in a half back-hug, He kissed your ear and whispered softly, “I love you.”

Your body tensed, unsure of what you just heard and you put your hands over his, acting as though you didn’t hear anything at all. He didn’t actually say it, did he? As if he heard your thoughts he let you go and moved to your front, kneeling down in front of you looking up into your eyes. A small smile played at his lips as he repeated himself in a stronger voice. “I said, I love you, Rei.”

You looked at him carefully, a part of you strangely skeptical about his confession. “I love you too?” You tilted your head to the side and stared at him. The smirk fully showing on his firm lips

“You seem so sure”

“Well you did just come out of the blue and say it.” At this he climbed onto your lap and straddled you, resting his forehead against yours and closing his eyes.

“That’s because I felt it.” You wrapped your arms around his waist and sighed softly, relaxing under the weight of him. It's been so long since you allowed yourself to feel with him, maybe you should give it a try. Tilting your head ever so slightly, you kissed him deeply, ready to dive into the world that is Mark.

[mandibierly]

Richard Cabral Talks ‘American Crime,’ and Revving Up for ‘Mayans MC’

Richard Cabral as Isaac in Season 3 of ‘American Crime’ (Credit: Nicole Wilder/ABC)

Richard Cabral knows what you were thinking after last Sunday’s episode of American Crime: “‘Please don’t tell me that you hurt the little white boy.’ That’s what a couple people were saying on social media,'” he says. But, of course, Cabral’s character, farm crew chief Isaac, did hurt Connor Jessup’s Coy. Badly.

In this Sunday’s episode of the ABC drama, viewers see the aftermath of that beating — and of Luis (Benito Martinez) learning the fate of his son, Teo, who went missing while working on the farm.

Cabral, who received an Emmy nomination for Season 1 of the John Ridley anthology series, spoke to Yahoo TV about the dynamic between Isaac and Coy, and about his next high-profile gig — playing Johnny “El Coco” Cruz in FX’s much-anticipated Sons of Anarchy spinoff pilot, Mayans MC, which he begins filming Monday.

In your mind, why did Isaac beat Coy so brutally? What all was going through his mind? Coy put me in a position. Once you see in episodes 2 and 3 my relationship with my brother [farm boss Diego, played by Clayton Cardenas], you get it. Even though I have my own free will, I’m still under my brother. I really had no way out. I’m trying to help out the kid, but I still have to pay respect to my brother and pay respect to the farm. I really had no other choice but to do that. There were no words, but my hope is that the audience understood through that look that, that was it. That was it.

“You just let it happen.” #AmericanCrime pic.twitter.com/FQ7rzsmNYX

— American Crime (@AmericanCrimeTV) March 27, 2017

Fans have different theories about the relationship Isaac wants with Coy. How do you view it? How I saw it in the beginning, and I continue to see it: I was missing something in my life. My story is that yeah, I have my brother and I have this farm, but there’s a void. There’s a hole that I was trying to fill through true friendship, and as you see in the second and maybe in the beginning of the third episode, there’s a friendship that Coy and I are establishing. It’s really that. Obviously he’s missing something because he talks about his brother. In the first episode, he’s like, “I have a brother, but he’s not like yours.” That’s how I see it: We’re both missing something and we’re trying to fill it in. But due to the situation that we’re living in, stuff kinda hits the fan and it goes another route.

Obviously you’ve been a part of American Crime each season. But what was it about Isaac that made you want to play him? Regardless of what John Ridley and [fellow executive producer] Michael McDonald did, I was gonna do it. I’ve never worked with filmmakers and writers like this. So I knew once the pen hit the paper that we’re going in for an emotional ride, telling some deep stories. But what attracted me to Isaac was that relationship between the brothers. Seeing that with Latino eyes, as an audience, I’ve never really seen a relationship like that. There’s a beautiful relationship between Isaac and his brother. It’s in this messed up world, but they’re striving for that. I didn’t grow up with any brothers, but I have my cousins and I had my good friends, so I know what it is to have that bro relationship. Sometimes it’s messed up, but that’s a brother relationship. That was really exciting to me, and then as we get deeper into it…

My #mayans artwork i@cardenasclayton @EmilioRivera48 @PardoJD @antoniojmllo @CabralRichy pic.twitter.com/SDiNUemUN9

— Sharni Quittenton (@missquittenton) March 27, 2017

Let’s switch gears and talk Mayans MC. Cameras haven’t even rolled on that pilot, and there’s already fan art because SOA fans are so ready for this to become a series. What’s it like to have that huge fanbase for a pilot? It’s surreal. What a beautiful thing to have that energy — I believe in energy — and our fans just believing in us. And all that is getting extended to [co-creators] Kurt Sutter and Elgin James. They’re feeling it. To be with your leadership, just excited and with that energy — that’s the type of set you want to work on. You want to work where everybody is on that level. I’ve been working on it going on three weeks with training on the Harleys and working on rehearsals. We haven’t even started [shooting], and it’s good! I’ve never worked on a set like this.

“Coco”~ Sharpshooter training getting ready for @TheMayansMC #RollOut pic.twitter.com/A6BTODBZML

— Richard Cabral (@CabralRichy) March 27, 2017

How did the role come your way? [Coco is a full patch member of Mayans MC, Santo Padre, and a former Army sharpshooter and weapons specialist.] It was kinda weird, because I was on a panel. A couple people from the Obama administration did a panel with Hollywood artists — actors, directors, and writers — that had formerly been incarcerated, and with a few people that are actively involved in the community and media. It was on how media affects our society and how people like us — that came from broken communities and with a past like us, that came from prison — how we’re involved. Elgin James was on that panel, ’cause he had formerly been incarcerated. He has a similar story to me: He was in prison, in a gang, but in Boston. So he was on that panel, and this was like two or three months ago. That was the first time we met. So he reached out. I was already a fan of his work, he was a fan of my work. We had a conversation and he started talking about the Mayans, and that’s how it all started.

You’ve posted video of you working on your sharpshooter skills. What’s been the most fun and/or challenging stuff you’ve been doing to prep for the role? Definitely the sharpshooting, because I’m working with active LAPD SWAT and active-duty Marines and former Marines. So they walk different, they talk different. It’s a whole different ballgame over there. Really that’s been the most challenging. But I absolutely love it, for me to really be getting into my character, Coco, and to be really bringing this military aspect to the role and to the world.

The big question is, did you ride before you got the role? I used to ride. I’m a native of Los Angeles, so I used to ride out here. I went down, I crashed twice, and I had the kid, so I kinda hung it up for a couple of years. Getting back on it, it was right on. I was in it. Before I used to ride the fast ones, the race bikes. So it’s a whole different thing riding the Harleys. I got the itch. I think I might get a Harley now.

Have you already tried on the Mayans cut? I imagine that’s a big moment for the cast. Yeah! Oh my god. Oh my god. It’s been amazing. All the guys, we had a photo shoot like two days ago, and there was like seven of the Mayans — Emilio [Rivera, who plays Marcus Alvarez] was right there, and all the new guys are right there. The caliber of actors on the show — it’s just spot-on. Being with John Ortiz, I’m such a fan of his. But yeah, we were all rocking the cut, and it’s badass. I mean, the Harleys, Mayans, an all Latino cast. Kurt Sutter. I don’t know if the world is ready for this.

I know you probably can’t say too much about the plot, but one last question: One of the things Sons fans always loved about that show was the dark humor mixed in with the action and the drama. Reading the description of your character — “Johnny earned a section 8 for shooting a cigar out of his CO’s mouth from a half-mile away… while he was stoned” — it feels like you might get a chance to do a bit of comedy as well. We’ll see that humor in the mix of Mayans MC? Oh, for sure. Kurt is kind of a sick man. Kurt’s a wild man. He’s excited. He’s just like a little kid. And I already know, once we’re going to series, it’s game on. We’re gonna see things that we didn’t see on Sons. There is gonna be that humor, but it’s gonna be a sick type of humor.

American Crime airs Sundays at 10 p.m. on ABC.

Read more from Yahoo TV:‘Scandal’ Postmortem: Darby Stanchfield Talks Abby’s Difficult Choice37 Funko Pop! TV Figures We Need in 2017‘The Walking Dead’: Norman Reedus Gives Us Two Lies and a Truth About the Season 7 Finale

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

Binge read the last two Books to get you up to speed! Book 1 * Book 2

Chapter 16: Drive Safe by Rich Brian

It’s graduation day and I am so washed over with relief that I’m just floating...literally. Everyone except Lili are in attendance to see me walk the stage twice for my double degree. Beizu and I could hardly sit still for the ceremony, holding hands until it was time to receive our diplomas. The moment we were able to walk out, we bolted out the door to scream out our new found freedom! Our families met up with us for the food part of our celebration, but before that, the usual suspects came up to us.

“IIDA-KUN!” yelled Gon “Don’t leave without saying goodbye!”

“Yea! Lets stay in touch!” Kage said with a smile “I know you have big things ahead of you, so don’t forget about us okay?”

“Aw guys, I don’t think I could if I wanted too” I joked “But I have to thank you guys for making my time in hero class worthwhile! I don’t think I’d do much if you guys didn’t push me to the challenge or pester me into doing the sports festival.”

“Bro, you inspire me” Gon was moved by my words “Invite me to your housewarming and wedding bro! And I’ll invite you to ours.”

“Ours?” I raised my eyebrow “you’re dating someone?”

“Oop maybe I’m getting ahead of myself” Gon turned red “Anyways! We’ll see you later Iida-kun!”

“See you whenever I do!” I waved them off, then turned to Beizu “I hope I do see again, they’re good people.”

“Come on Iwata, Beizu” called over mom “we don’t want to be late to our reservation!”

We excitedly jumped into the car to go to the best dim sum place this side of the country! Mom has been ordering from this place since it was just a street cart vendor, now it’s an established restaurant with many culinary awards. We go on special occasions as a family and they serve us like royalty. As we ate, I really reflected on everything I’ve gone through in these three years. Nothing like I thought it was gonna be but at least I didn’t go through it alone.

“Hey Bei” I said as I split my beef roll “I feel like I don’t tell you how much I appreciate you sticking through things with me. Couldn’t have survived these three years without you.”

Beizu raised a brow and chuckled “Why so gracious out of nowhere?”

“I dunno, I just was thinking about it now that it’s over” I put half a beef roll on his plate with telekinesis “I didn’t dread waking up or doing all that work everyday, because I had you to make things not suck so much. Heck, I wouldn’t even consider applying if you weren’t going to be there! So thank you Beizu, for everything.”

Beizu smiled “I can’t go without my best friend, you’ve made this leg of our lives that much more significant. Thank you for loving and wanting me to be part of your world.”

“Not to ruin the moment but can you pass the scallion pancakes?” Tensei’s voice cut in from across the big circular table.

“Oh sure! Sorry!” I levitated the plate of food to him.

“That reminds me!” Mom gasped as she grabbed her purse “We have a graduation gift for you two. Mei and I thought this would be the right time to give you such a gift.”

Beizu and I receive a large envelope from my mom. We exchanged a look and opened it.

“What is this?” asked Beizu confused to see a letter and two train tickets.

“Well, since you two were a little nosy about Beizu’s father” Beizu’s mom explained “We arranged for you two a vacation to Saitama, where Beizu’s dad is from, to learn more about him.” She turned to her son “I know you want some closure, in the letter are directions to his parent’s lodge that’s still functional. You can ask all the questions there and I’m sure they’d be happy to see that he didn’t let his legacy die.”

I was dumbfounded by the thoughtfulness of this gift. We didn’t know how to express our thanks other than crying and hugging our mothers. We really wanted to know how was this man we were named after. So fast forward a week later, we hopped on the early train to Saitama. Apparently this lodge is so obscure, I couldn’t find any reviews or information on them other than it’s approximate location and what trail to take to get there. We had to hike the rest of the way there once we got to the little town that was described in the letter. But it was a quaint town, not too noisy and not too bustling with tourists. Hand in hand, we hiked our way up the trail. It became clear that we needed to get out in nature more often, just two city boys getting winded and distracted by wild animals! Longer than intended, we finally made it to the lodge after three hours!

“Iwata Family Lodge, an oasis in the mountains” Beizu read the sign at the front of the lodge “It’s so weird to see your name in a different context here. Keep forgetting that your mom gave you my dad’s last name as a first name.”

“I like to not think about it too much” I chuckled as I finished my little stretch “Ready to go in there?”

Beizu took a deep breath “Will you hold my hand the whole time?”

“Of course” I held his hand “Until I need to pee tho.”

“Nah I hold your hand as you pee” jested Beizu.

“You nasty” I wheezed as we walked down the stone path to the front door of the lodge “A ver if you’re down because I need to pee and I’m not peeing in front of nature.”

We push open the doors and the warmth of the lodge rushed over us. The inside was so homely, yet a bit industrial in it’s design. Like this used to be a house that got turned into lodge and it’s gone through a few expansions over the years. The sound of rushing footsteps came from a nearby hallway.

“Hello, welcome! So sorry nobody was here to greet you!” said a woman as she bowed in apology “Are you here to rest for a while or rent a room?”

“Oh um actually” I dug into my pocket to take out the letter “We have a special reservation, under the name of Beizu.”

The woman stopped smiling, face turning white “Beizu? No...it can’t be!”

Beizu took a step forward and took off his beanie “Hi, I’m Beizu Hatsune. Beizu Iwata’s son. N-nice to meet you.”

The woman just looked at his extended hand and just ran into the hallway where she came from.

“Ya know, I expected fainting and crying” I spoke up “I don’t know if I should get in fight mode or call my mom, we followed the instructions on the letter to the T.”

“Maybe they don’t believe us” sighed Beizu in defeat “I knew it was too simple and too good to be true! Like, of course you’d not believe that your family member that died almost 20 years ago SUDDENLY has their almost 20 year old son show up with a random dude!” Beizu exclaimed in exasperation “God what are we doing?! Let’s just...go.”

“Bei, don’t be like that” I go in for the hug “Lets sit in the lobby and if they kick us out, oh well that’s our cue to truly leave. Please? I know you’re tired from that hike.”

“Fine, only because I’m tired” Beizu caved into my embrace “Can I have some water from the canteen?”

We hung up our coats and took off our hiking boots to sit in the lobby. I looked out the window to see the other facilities this place has. There’s an onzen, a slope to sled on, outdoor lounge and dining area. If we’re welcomed here, I’d love to hit the onzen. But back to the matters at hand, Beizu was getting anxious with the amount of time that passed and nobody came back out. Almost an hour passed and still nobody! 

“Lets go Iwa” Beizu said standing up “I feel like we’re not welcomed here. I guess we’ll see where to stay once we get back to that town.”

“Oh well, would’ve been nice to have a soak in that onzen” I floated over to the coat rack “It’s really cold here!”

“Wait! Don’t leave!” cried out a voice from the hallway.

We turned around to see a man and woman, both gray and aged, coming out of the hallway.

“Please, we have to apologize for not coming out sooner” said the older woman “It’s just that we’re shocked to hear that name again. You have my son’s name” she pointed to Beizu, walking slowly toward him “I haven’t seen him in so long but I know my son’s face when I see it.” she wrapped her arms around him “You look so much like him! Please don’t leave us again so soon!”

“I can’t deny that you’re not the spitting image of my oldest son” spoke up the old man “Please, sit a while in the lobby. I’m sure you came for questions.”

“I did, I have so many!” Beizu responded, overwhelmed by everything.

“Cool, mind if I use the restroom?” I spoke up as I spotted the sign to the men’s room “I’ll be right back Bei.”

Beizu sat with his grandparents, not knowing where to begin.

“The pink looks nice on you” his grandmother spoke up.

“Oh thanks! It’s natural” Beizu fingered a lock of his hair “my mom has pink hair and yellow-gold eyes.”

“Natural?! What else is different?” questioned the grandfather, astounded that pink hair is genetic.

“Hmmm, I guess my studies? I recently graduated from UA-”

“UA?! My goodness you must be a super genius like your father!” gasped the old couple “What’s your hero name?!”

“Oh this is awkward, I actually pursued the agent route” Beizu let them down gently “I’m one of the top three agents of my class and I’m going to work in contracted agent work in my region.”

“Not a hero eh?” chuckled the old man “Not that different from your dad.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Well, I’ll admit, I put a ton of pressure on your dad to either be a hero or be in construction like me. That kind of pressure put a strain on our relationship and it drove him away from here.” the man sighed “He made it out of here as a sidekick for a top hero right out of hero school. But he really wanted to be an engineer and help others with technology, that’s how much of a genius he was. Always tinkering with scraps to make robots and I’d yell at him to put his skills into something more worthwhile. When he told us he was finally pursuing his dreams to be an engineer, I got very angry that he was throwing away his hero title to play with robots. At the time, I didn’t think he was going to make a living doing all that and I didn’t want him to starve to pursue this dream. But that was the final straw and he cut ties with us.” He looked at Beizu “How stubborn of me to just hold on to this grudge, even when the company he worked for took off. And even when the day came when this gorgeous woman with curly hair came in to tell us he passed away, I said that I didn’t want anything to do with that man. But as the years rolled by, I found myself missing him and realizing that I wasn’t considering the times were different and it was better for him to be in engineering. And I should’ve been more supportive and maybe he’d still be here, and we would have been in your life.”

“I’ve wondered how is that curly haired woman” the old woman spoke “She looked so professional and passionate about his death, I thought for a while that maybe she was the woman he was courting.”

“Oh um about that-”

“Yo that bathroom has a bidet and I feel like I’m at my old house!” I said stomping in.

“Hey why don’t you introduce yourself!” Beizu motioned toward me.

“Oh right! How rude of me!” I clear my throat “Hi, I’m Iwata El Roca Iida. I was raised with Beizu when we were infants and stayed together ever since.”

“Iwata? Like our family name?” muttered the old woman “How?”

“Iwata here was named after my dad out of respect. His mother is CEO of the company he worked for.”

“Yup! My mom told us how amazing he was and that she wouldn’t be where she is now with the company without him” I said as I sat next to Beizu “He designed all the functionalities of the robot companions and personally installed security systems in most of the major hero agencies.”

“Oh my, don’t tell me that-”

“His mom was the curly haired woman that you yelled at grandpa” Beizu said as he snatched the hat off my head, revealing my curly hair “Fun fact, he was in the womb when she came here to tell you the news.”

“This...is a lot to take in” the old man slumped back into the couch “It’s all the ghosts of the past are here to kill me themselves! Now I really regret the things I did.”

“Oof, do you think it’s in poor taste if we tell them our news?” I whispered to Beizu.

“What news?” the old woman asked curiously “Please do tell! I want to know what’s going on with my grandson.”

“Well, if you insist” I held Beizu’s hand “We’re engaged and going to live together.”

“Okay, I’m going to go take a nap” the old man stood up and briskly walked to the hallway “because there is no way today is real!”

We watched this old man fume his way down the hall and heard a door slam.

“Is he alright?” asked Beizu

“He’s just overwhelmed is all” assured the old woman “But we’ve just met you and you’re getting married?! I’m so excited, I love weddings! And I’m sure I’m going to have some lovely in-laws.”

“Oh you’ll love my parents and three other siblings!” I added.

“Yup, I’m also very excited to take his last name” gushed Beizu.

“Aw, not keep your last name?” she asked confused.

“Nope, I want him to marry into my family so I can share my inheritance with him” I clarified “My dad is part of the Ingenium hero lineage and-”

“A HERO LINEAGE?!” she screamed “oh please forgive me, but I suddenly need to lie down too.”

I waited until she was out of sight “Well, at least she’s not homophobic!”

“It was a lot to take in” Beizu slumped back “Now I feel like taking a nap.”

“If you’d like, I can open up a room for you two” said the woman from earlier “You traveled quite a ways and they just need some time to recoup. Come follow me.”

We followed them down the opposite hallway and into a room with a large bed and faux fireplace. We put our bags down and admired the view from our window.

“There’s towels and robes in the bathroom cabinet, extra blankets in the closet and some bottled refreshments on the table.” the woman turned to leave “I’ll have a meal ready for you when you wake. Please get some rest.”

“Thank you.” We thanked politely.

Beizu threw himself on the bed face down and started screaming into the comforter.

“Was that an excited, tired or frustrated scream?” I asked as I sat at the edge of the bed.

“It was a mixed one” Beizu rolled onto his back “Kinda see why my dad left, the communication in this family is awful. But at least grandma is nice.”

I laid down next to him “See? You’re already getting comfortable with the labels!”

“Yea but... the whole excusing themselves from the conversation is making me feel like shit” Beizu sighed and closed his eyes “Maybe a nap will do me good, we did jump into things too soon.”

I check the time “Its only 3pm, lets rest then” I spooned them from the back “I’ll be here when you wake.”

We took a short rest, only to be woken up by the sound of children giggling and running up and down the hall.

“Okay either this place haunted or theres a family that just arrived” I said as I sat up from our nap “And I believe the haunting more than the latter.”

We walked out to see 4 children of different ages in front of our door. All of them scattered at the sight of us. Confused, we walked out to the lobby and met with the woman again.

“You’re up, sorry if the children woke you” she walked out from behind the front desk to show the children wrapped around her legs “They heard from their grandma that they have an older cousin here in the lodge.”

“Oh wow I have more cousins!” Beizu leaned down “Hi! I’m Beizu, I have the same quirk...see?”

The children gasped at the sight of Beizu stretching his limbs.

“But can you touch the ceiling?!” challenged one of the older boys “I nobody can beat me!” he stretched a good 6 feet “Beat that!”

“Boy you underestimate me!” Beizu did a little warm up “I’ve been training my quirk at the highest ranked hero school, the ceiling is nothing!” Beizu jumped up and stretched to touch the high vaulted ceiling with ease “Tadaa!”

“Woah! So cool!” cried out the boy that challenged him.

After a while, the woman leads us to a dining room with a late lunch set for us. She sat with us, observing Beizu.

“You know, after your dad left” she broke the silence “he kept in contact with me. Even after the big fight, he’d send me money and call once a week. He told me that his partner was pregnant with you and he planned to come back to introduce you to us once you were big enough.”

“He kept in contact with you? How come you didn’t come to visit?” asked Beizu.

“I couldn’t leave the lodge, our parents were getting too old to run things on their own.” the woman explained “Father didn’t put the same pressures on me to study or find a worthwhile job, it was already assumed I was going to run the lodge, marry a local man and have children. And don’t get me wrong! I’m perfectly happy with that! It’s just that, I idolized my big brother and of course I’ve bit my tongue and kept you secret from my parents for him.”

“What? Why keep me secret?”

She started to pick up the dirty dishes “Father is very stubborn and I was so afraid he’d reject you too. Over the years he softened up to start mourning the loss of his son.” She put the dishes on the bussers cart “It was around the time my oldest son started talking that he came around. But it was too late to really fix things, so he just spent his days sitting in his workshop, remembering when he spent quality time with his son.”

“...Well, what if I told you I can help him look back?” Beizu offered.

“Bei, you brought the device?” I asked through my mouthful of omurice.

“Yeah, I figured that if we did find the place and they let us in” he explained himself “maybe they’d like look back at the good times. Plus I’d get to see how my dad was as a kid.”

I swallowed my food “Fair enough, that’s why you’re the smart one.”

“Hmm? I device?” asked the woman curiously.

“Umm I can explain later aunty” Beizu held back “er- can I call you that?”

“Of course! I am your aunt” the woman burst into laughter “my name is Naomi and you can call me however you want.”

I quickly finished my food as they were talking “Soooo, is the onzen open?”

Beizu and I spent time together for the rest of the day. Fully touring the place and contacting our moms that we made it safe to the lodge. In the morning, Beizu was preparing himself to show the device, basically pacing in anticipation.

“Aunty, I-”

“Hup! Whatever it is” stopped his aunt, plates in her hands “sit and eat.”

“But-”

“Sit. and. eat. Beizu.” She waited for Beizu to sit at the table “Good! I hope you like fried pork and eggs in congee.... And that goes for you too Father.” She sternly flashed a look toward the open doorway “What is with the men in this family and skipping breakfast?!”

“Dad did it too?” Beizu asked.

“Oh he’d bolt out the house in excitement almost every morning” the old woman walked into the dining room “And it’s always something he thought up in his sleep and didn’t want to waste time because the dream was still fresh in his head.” She sat down “Your grandfather would be the first one up to do some sort of work on the lodge and wouldn’t stop until the middle of the afternoon.”

I turned to face Beizu “Now that they mentioned it, you do wake up and get to work-mode.”

“Yea and I have to drag you out of bed every morning so you can do your little skincare and hair ritual” Beizu mocked me and turned to his aunt and grandma “He can’t go anywhere if his hair isn’t done! So high maintenance.”

“Curly hair is hard to manage” I huffed as I levitated the coffee pot “Just wait until we have children and we have to care for their curls! Complain then Bei.”

“Oh my, I can’t imagine it!” the old man put his cup down to put his head in his hands “Great-Grand children?! Pink and curly haired with god-knows quirks.”

“Father don’t think about it too much” the aunt sat down “They’re still too young to have children. Besides, they might be quirk-less like me.”

“You’re quirk-less?” I asked, hiding my palm pistons in my sweater sleeves.

“Yup, that’s why I admired my big brother so much” she smiled “He had such an amazing quirk and I wish I had it in me to do the amazing things he did. But sadly, no quirk, hence why all my children have quirks.”

We talked more over breakfast and I noticed how much more open the grandfather was to Beizu. It made me very relieved that things weren’t tense anymore, which made the next event that much easier. Everyone was gathered at the lodge workshop with Beizu and the device in the middle.

“Okay, give me at date” Beizu flipped the device on.

“...try March 9th, 30 years ago.” spoke the grandfather “If I remember correctly, that’s the day I finished the room expansion on the far side of the lodge.”

“Alright...starting image, now!” 

Beizu pressed the button and the device took a little while to produce the hologram, as it’s the furthest date it’s been inputed. But finally the image of a male child with an adult man at the work table came up.

“...and that’s how you fix a door knob.”

“Wow! So cool daddy!” gasped and clapped the boy “Can you teach me how to do the thing with my fingers?!” 

“You mean make the lock pick?” said the man as he knelt down “Sure, hands out.”

The boy eagerly held his hands out and observed how the man molded his fingers into two thin, needle like hooks.

“I did it!” the boy exclaimed “look daddy! Now I know 5 tools!”

“You sure do, I’m very proud of you son” the man chuckled and pat the boy’s head “You’re learning so fast, someday you’ll surpass me!”

“I wanna grow up and help people. I want to learn as much as I can!” 

“Like a hero?”

“Like you daddy!” beamed the boy “You’re always helping people by building houses and clearing safe trails for hikers. I want to help too!”

Beizu stopped the image and looked back at his aunt and grandparents.

“He knew way back then his calling” his grandmother spoke “And he never lost track of it, we just didn’t know it was going to be with robotics.”

The grandfather walked up to the still of the past “I shouldn’t have pushed you away, would you ever forgive me?” he asked the hologram like it could respond.

“I think he would’ve forgiven you” Beizu walked up to him “I’ve peeked into the past, the time before I was born and he was prepping the house for my birth. He would talk to himself that he wanted to take me back to where he grew up. That maybe if comes back with a lot to show, he’d show that old man that he made it pursuing his dream.” Beizu turned to see the image of his dad as a boy “I didn’t know what that meant but I get it now! He wanted to show you how capable he was with his dream. A thriving career, a house ,a loving partner and a child...he wanted to make you proud of him at the end.”

That statement made everyone cry. 

“The hologram is fading” I spoke up, pointing at the corner that started fading.

They all gathered to watch the last few seconds of their loved one, like they were finally letting go of any bad feelings and regrets. I could help but smile at them finally acting like family, like they were never apart. The next few days we spent there were us learning about the area and helping around. The morning we were due to leave, the grandfather approached me.

“Boy, may I see your hands?” he requested bluntly.

“Um, sure” I held out my hands, confused on why he was asking me to do so.

He took a closer look at my pistons “Two quirks?” I nodded in response “Ahhh, what a rare gem. The gene pool is going to be nice and strong! Please take good care of my grandson” he folded my hands together with his cupped around them “You have my blessing to marry him, but I have a feeling you were going to regardless on what I had to say.”

I chuckled “What gave it away?”

“The way your mother told me that she was going to honor my son’s death to spite me that day” he got visibly nervous “I got very nervous when I saw that curly hair, thinking you’re just like her. So this whole week I was just waiting for you to yell at me over something.”

“Oh I don’t do outbursts unless I’m in battle! Don’t you worry your little gray head oji-san” I reassured him “I promise to take care of Beizu and to remind him to call every so often.”

I walked with him to the front desk, where everyone else was.

“Ready to go?” Beizu asked me as all his cousins were latching onto his legs crying “Come on guys, I gotta go home.”

“Are you sure you have to go? You’re more than welcome to stay as long as you want” the grandmother offered.

“I wish we could but we have important trainings coming up in the coming days” Beizu responded, peeling his cousins off him “On top of that, we’re still looking at places to move into once Iwa gets his inheritance money in a few months.”

“We’ll visit as much as we can!” I promised as I picked up my bag “We’re family after all, I wanna see what’s going on at the lodge.”

“We’ll always have room for you two” the aunt said as she hugged us “Take care, send me a message when when you get home safely.”

We said our final goodbyes and walked away hand in hand. I had to savor these moments with Beizu, the real work was starting soon for us. He knew it too, so we didn’t let go of each other the whole way home. And even then, we had to get pried away by our moms at that were waiting to take us home when we arrived at the station.

Many months later, I finished packing my belongings to move out of my parent’s house. It’s spring, I just had my 20th birthday and Lili is newly engaged to Hoshi. The brats are in their 3rd year of middle school and Beizu is making good money at his agent job. Me? I’ve taken up work with Sir Nighteye’s agency and it’s an impressive first job I’d say. I walk down stairs with the last of my boxes to load onto the rental movers truck that uncle Jin has yet to come back. I see my mom sitting at the couch by herself, I float over to her.

“Mom, what are you doing?”

“Hmm? I got texts from work and I’m just now getting around to them” she responded as she was typing “Are you all packed?”

“I am, just brought the last of my stuff” I sighed and sat next to her “Mom, I’m nervous. I know this is different from moving away to dorm and I’m not going to be alone. But I can’t help it! What’s going to happen now?”

Mom put her phone down and held me “Oh my baby boy, I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to that one. This is the beginning of your adult life, your fate is entirely in your hands now.”

“How was it when you started your adult life?” I asked, looking up to her.

“I was basically like how you were, moving into a place with my significant other and making our place like a home” she smiled and stroked my hair “Except my heart was torn between what happened between your dad and I. My fate was ruled by my next move, no syllabus nor clear future! Hence the mess that happened that lead to reuniting with your dad. But you’re in better standing than I was at your age, you’re living with the love of your life and have enough in savings for anything that might happen.” She squeezed me close “You’ll be just fine Iwata, enjoy your newfound freedom and cherish the little things. Because the time will pass so fast that you’ll be bringing home your first born, wondering were all the time went and how you spent it.”

“Its that how you feel know that I’m the second one to move out?”

“It feels like last week I was watching you take your first steps and now I’m watching you leave my nest” she chuckled, then paused to listen to the shuffling outside the house “Oop, your dad and uncle Jin came at the same time, better go yeet those boxes into the truck before your dad starts crying again.”

So I was speed running my move out, like mom said, my dad cries so much whenever his kids do anything. Uncle Jin was generous enough to not only drive the truck but also help us bring our new furniture up to our apartment. It didn’t really hit me that this was our new place until I saw the amount of boxes that were piled in the living room. 

“Well, time to get started” sighed Beizu as he handed me a box cutter “I’ll do the furniture assembling, you unpack the kitchen and bathroom stuff.”

Half way of unpacking, I looked at a frustrated Beizu trying to assemble a desk “Ya know, this unpacking and moving in shit is way harder than when we were in the dorms. Lets just...not assemble the bed today.”

Beizu stopped his struggle and looked at me “You saying what I think you’re saying?”

I gave him the look “Ya sabes babe, pillow fort bedroom!”

When we got around to unpacking the bedroom things, out of all the boxes we packed, all there was three comforters and the rest were pillows. I couldn’t help but to laugh at the amount of pillows we brought to our place! It was enough to fill our bedroom, or as Beizu put it, enough to build a pillow castle. So we did just that and crawled inside of it to finally rest.

“I don’t mind if we never assemble the bed frame” Beizu said as he put his head on my chest “Our parents can’t tell us to tear this down!”

I looked up at the ceiling fan, finally taking in our situation “Just like this, forever in love and young at heart. In our little love nest.” I closed my eyes and felt Beizu cuddle closer “I love you so much.”

Thoughts of our future danced in my head as I drifted to sleep. I was very excited to make my way through my adult life. Who cares what’s going on outside right now?! I have all I need right here and nothing is going to change that.... Wonder what those brats are up to now?

-Book 3, End-

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