#BRO PLEASE CAN SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING!!! CHANGE THE SUBJECT IDC | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

myatuesday · 4 years ago

Text

Honestly tho like...

Do I hate we're going to break up - again?

Yes. Of course.

Of course.

BUT

My self worth, self respect, etc just can't do this anymore.

I'm tired of having the same conversations

For 3 goddamn fucking years

And so is he

But... he's not willing to change. Period.

We've been over it and over it.

And... I'm not going to waste/wait 3 more months or 6 more months or 3 more years on this POS, miserable situation.

He has NO respect for me. At all.

Absolutely none.

And his desire to keep me around does not outweigh his desire to... well, doesn't outweigh his ego and endless endless endless no ceasing in sight fuckboy bullshit

And that's not going to change unless/until

(In no particular order)

He actually gains respect for me and my feelings, my needs, me as a human being, as a partner. Just respect. Period.

He gets the fuck over himself and just is true to himself and his life and his truth and comfortable in his own skin and doing what he wants to do and loving who he wants to love. And not trying so hard to please everybody else and what they think. Or whoever the fuck it is he thinks he should be, etc. Ego ego ego. Just mixed with a lot of growing up.

Do I still think he'll regret what a loss this was and how bad he's fucked up whenever the fuck that day ever comes (say when he's about 35 idk). Yeah. 1,000%.

Most dudes I date, especially in their younger years, come to realize I'm the best thing that ever happened to them and how much they fucked up.

But... I ain't got time for him to figure that out now. We've been over this and it's futile.

Wish we never ever ever ever ever would've dated in the first place. If he wasn't ready and knew he was gonna pull this shit (which, yeah, he knew. You don't cheat 6 months into a relationship that was going fucking perfectly, which it was at the time, unless you had wandering eye all along and no intentions to invest in that person in the first place).

Do I think he'll ever wake up about what a total waste of time Amy is/was and the fact she was never, ever anything but a fucking con artist and he was just a mark? No. Sadly, no.

So he really fucked both of us (himself and me) on that fucking bad bet.

I'm just the collateral damage of the whole (endless) goddamn ordeal.

But, just cause he's not strong enough to wake up and walk away, doesn't mean I need to sit around here making the same damn mistake.

It sucks.

I 100% see what we could've been. If he didn't make all these horrible fucking decisions and fuck everything up so bad.

What we are, when you strip ALL the BS away, is... (see, I'm going to cry now) very, very hard to walk away from.

But the reality is, that's not what reality will probably ever look like for us. If there's any chance for it to, it's no time soon.

So... too late, either way.

It's a missed opportunity.

It's been a giant waste of my time and energy.

And... it really just fucking sucks.

I think it would be easier if so much wasn't right.

But... doesn't matter how right it could be

Or is when we're actually together (as in physically together in the same space)

When the big picture is an absolute dumpster fire of total fucking garbage. From every other angle.

And we're never going to be WHOLLY real

With ALL that other stuff in the way

And that stuff is all him.

It's his doing.

It's his choices.

Setting everything on fucking fire all the time.

Destroying everything.

Us, himself, just... all of it.

I can't control it. I've tried.

All I can control is saying no more

And getting the fuck out of the fire

Am I hurt?

Yeah, of course I am.

But staying there letting him set EVERYTHING on fire constantly, while he swears to god it's raining (smh) ain't gonna do shit, but burn me afuckinglive

And I can't live like this anymore

Maybe it's his Aries moon, that he can't fucking help himself.

Idk. Idc.

I can't put out the fire.

I can only walk away from it

Before I subject myself to any more damage.

That's just where we're at.

I hate it. But... what else can I do?

I've tried. I can't try anymore.

Not with someone so commited to destruction (convincing himself it's fucking growth).

And, honestly, gaslighting both of us, every step of the fucking way.

He's convinced himself I'm not the one (despite what he once said, before he fucked everything up completely) so... he's... idk.

I don't wanna say not even trying. Cause he's trying something. It's just... pretty much a self-serving hail Mary.

He decided, I guess the day he met her, who knows, that I'm not worth putting in what it takes to actually make something work.

Not even, now, temporarily. (Which is really fucking disappointing)

So whatever.

It's hard to see how good something could be tho

How easy and natural

But have to walk away

Cause... idk

It's the perfect piece to a very, very fucked up puzzle

And the fucked up part has you outnumbered

Doesn't really matter how well you fit

If the board is on fucking fire

And someone's always standing nearby w fucking kerosene

He thinks I'm always "creating" a problem.

I'm like, no.

The goddamn problems NEVER fucking go away

The problem is always fucking there

You just want me to ignore it.

That's not me causing fucking problems, bro.

That's you failing to solve problems

And expecting me to act like they don't fucking exist

That's humanly impossible

And fuck you for even attempting to have shit set up this way. Like all these issues, you refuse to do shit about, don't fucking exist.

Fuck you.

Calling attention to the problem and saying "fix it" and/or "get rid of it" doesn't make me the fucking problem.

Fuck you.

There's a solution to ALL this shit.

You just don't like it.

Walking away makes it not my fucking problem anymore.

So I'm kindof left w no choice.

That's just how it is

Until the problem is fucking solved

But if he's commited to believing there isn't one... that ain't happening anytime soon.

So, clearly, neither can we.

0 notes