#BRB I GOTTA CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP

[shrimparts-blog888]

Can we get a drawing of Darling and Apple kissing? 👉👈💕

[glitterghost]

Just thinking about how Atlantic just makes me feel emotionally scrubbed raw.

[cowboylikeyouu]

i finally watched the making of deadpool & wolverine and wrote down every thought that popped up into my mind while watching, have fun lol

god hugh jackman is gorgeous

they’re talking about all the different ideas they had for this movie and honestly??? i would eat up every single one of them they should still do it lol

god hugh jackman is GORGEOUS

man i missed them sm i haven’t watched dp&w in TWO MONTHS?????

i will never shut up about the deadpool suit in this movie it’s SO AWESOME it’s a blessing for my eyes every time it’s on screen

"that’s what we were striving for with rdj in endgame, is to give this iconic fictional character an amazing ending." yeah well only that endgame‘s ending SUCKED and i will never forgive anyone for it <3

ugh hugh jackman is gorgeous

i could watch him speak forever

i‘m SO glad ryan made that "i should use his body as a weapon" pitch bc GODDAMN that opening scene will never get old

ahhhhhh i love that we‘re getting some insight in the stunt/fight stuff, SO interesting !! the shitty iphone test videos are hilarious

they should’ve made a "he ACTUALLY broke his toe when he kicked that helmet!!!!" reference when ryan kicked logan‘s skull lmao

the marry puppins SNOGGING ryan bts clips will never get old lmao funniest shit ever

THE SUIT LOOKS SO GOOD UGHHHH am i having a gender or a sexuality crisis over it???? guess we’ll never know

EMMA CORRIN ILYSM

shout out to british people gotta be one of my fav genders fr

all the different lines ryan screamed out of the honda????😭😭 honestly they should’ve just kept all of these idc about logic

EMMA CORRIN

"and i knew the fans would love it" ohhh hugh i think we all love it a bit too much

"and yet, i wouldn’t say wolverine is a straight man" awesome, thanks, case fucking CLOSED.

"which i don’t recommend, sending a 10 minute voice memo to anyone"

*me looking at the five 10-20 minute voicemails i send my friends every single day*

THE SUITS LOOK SO GOOD TOGETHER (their asses do as well)

GOD hugh jackman is gorgeous

"what we refer to as the van fight" no babe that’s the honda odyssey sex marathon actually!!

"violence is our love language" ITS CONFIRMED (everyone knew. BUT STILL)

choreographing this scene (all the deadpool vs wolverine fight scenes really) must’ve been SO FUN like UGH just coming up with all this violence knowing that it won’t affect your characters in the long haul and you can add of many of it as you want????? THE DREAM

THEM HUGGING IN THE HONDA???😭😭 brb gotta cry

I LOVE YOU EMMA CORRIN

CHRIS EVANS LOML

it’s unfair how attractive he is i‘m gonna throw up

reminder to myself to finally learn johnny‘s monologue i wanna be able to randomly hit people with it

OHHHH i actually did NOT realize that was hulk‘s bed from ragnarok??? which is weird bc i used to watch that movie religiously. but hey that’s so cool!!

channing tatum talking about gambit is so heartwarming man so happy for him😭

jennifer garner is so pretty i‘m so gay lord help

me

dafne keen‘s voice sounds SO different when she’s not playing laura, CRAZY

EMMA CORRIN MY LOVE

just once just ONCE i wanna walk through a street filme set like this UGH it looks so cool & surreal

"this is our baby yoda" i have to be this annoying person i‘m sorry but HIS NAME IS GROGU

i don’t know shit about music but i could listen to people talk about movie scores for hours on end (how did you know sideways is my fav youtube video essayist???)

good fucking god hugh jackman is gorgeous

lmao they should’ve kept the "zoooombies wake uuuppp" again, idc about logic

EMMA CORRIN ‼️‼️‼️

ohh hugh jackman is gorgeous (put your greasy tits away you preening slut)

ugh i‘m getting emotional help

well that was awesome, gonna cry myself to sleep now byeee

(have i mentioned how gorgeous hugh jackman is?)

[dootznbootz]

I feel kind of bad about that post I made talking about how Odysseus would never sacrifice his family to save his own skin while I didn't give a name, I hope that person doesn't feel bad or that they get hate. As I don't want to gatekeep someone's interpretation of the Odyssey but also...while I guess you could claim that he would do that, there's so much MORE evidence as to how he would literally rather be stabbed than see his wife and son have even a splinter

Her rejecting him at first put him in a bad position. Honestly, in an alternate universe, where she didn't accept him or trick him that night, I think the poor guy would've cried himself to sleep again in that separate cot. He'd probably cry to Athena and ask if he did something wrong.

It would probably be an "awkward morning" of Odysseus and Penelope silently doing their things (not bringing up suitors' parents right now. And Odysseus would probably tell Telemachus to not say anything stupid.) and eventually, everything would bubble up out of Odysseus and honestly, I could see him straight up begging her to accept him. Not even caring about how he appeared to others.

Honestly, if she DID take a lover in that time...I think he'd either accept it and just...wander? Around Ithaca as a beggar as he doesn't want to be away from them but if they won't accept him, what else can he do? OR if she had another lover, (War flashback of the shitty retelling where Penelope has an affair) he'd probably kill the lover as let's be honest, Odysseus is basically a Yandere, to put it simply. Touch the wife, you get the knife.

And yeah, he doesn't JUST want his family.

"Oh, he wants to not be in constant danger."

"He just wants to go back to Ithaca."

"He wants to be king again."

Boy howdy, he sure does!!! But if, for example, Penelope and Telemachus for some reason moved to somewhere else? IDK, AU where they permanently moved to Sparta, hanging with Helen and Menelaus, and she didn't remarry or something. He'd be like "Shit, okay, BRB." And go to them. He'd probably have them all go back to Ithaca but still, THEY ARE HIS HOME. They make Ithaca home. Any place is home as long as he has them.

Despite having the opportunity to wed the most beautiful woman in the world, he took the Oath so then he could marry Penelope. And even then, it wasn't "for sure" as he had to race her dad. He did so much simply to have the CHANCE to marry her even though he probably wasn't planning on getting married as he brought no gifts. And he did so much so then he wouldn't have to leave the life they had built together and their young baby.

He could've had ANYONE. Went ANYWHERE. Did ANYTHING and he still wanted THEM.

Like??? Holy shit. This guy would do ANYTHING for them. I mean that's kind of why he's considered to be so "scummy" in how ride or die he is for them and basically a bitch to everyone else. That's what makes him SO different from many of his peers.

Person: Would you rather have your family- Odysseus: Family, always. Person: I didn't even say it yet- Odysseus: I don't fucking care. Always family. Person: Even if it meant you got immortality and a hot goddess for a wife? Odysseus: You act like that's a good thing? That was literally torture. Fuck you. I already have a hot Water Wife™ that I get the privilege to drown in every day. She gave me a wonderful Water Son™ who is the light of my eyes and who I am more proud to be the father of than I am of being the son of an Argonaut Person: Even if I give you a million dollars? Odysseus, acting nonchalant while Penelope picks the person's pockets: As if we can't get that on our own. Person: You'd die? Odysseus: I'll set myself on fire if I have to. Person: ...Okay, new question. Would you rather lose your family- Odysseus: The other option. Always. Person: Even torture? Odysseus: I never said I would like it, just that I would do it. Person: Even yeet a baby?! Odysseus: I'll punt the baby if I have to. It's not like I wanna but I gotta do what I gotta do.

And so on and so forth. You GET IT.

[helyft]

The world after the fall made my dreams and hopes take a fall. That shit made me so depressed brb I gotta cry myself to sleep

[sunmoonjune]

you requested song recs so song recs you will receive !! (i was typing this out yesterday and fell asleep midway idk wtf i was on but anyways 😭)

first of all i’d have to say sweet by cigarettes after sex (other than the suggestive lyrics) esp “but it’s the way you smile that does it for me” and “sweet knowing that i love you and running my fingers through your hair” - yeosang in chapter 10 when bug smiled for the first time and yeo was petting? stroking? her i’m :( brb gotta cry

and the “it’s so sweet knowing that you love me though we don’t need to say it to each other” REMINDS ME OF YUNHOOO I CANT 😭😭 AND!! “and i will gladly break my heart for you” that’s so SAN CODED

second song i’d have to say is here with me by d4vd “i don’t care how long it takes as long as i’m with you” THEM BEING SO PATIENT WITH BUG AND HER TRAUMAAAASJEHUWYEBKHHDI/£()*683;”)¥]{$\[…] “ save your tears it will be okay”?? i need a minute i can’t handle this

also idk if you like instrumentals (i personally obsess over instrumentals and think they are underrated!!) but i’d day bug and ateez give very snowfall by Oneheart and reidenshi it gives me very “i’m thinking about you everytime i’m not with you” and it makes me GFHUDNUSNDJSJE you know?

and this last one isn’t english it’s turkish but M. by Anıl Emre Daldal THE CALMING VIBES? IMMACULATE!! i listen to it at least 5 times a day it’s so soothing and the lyrics are so cute im :( “Your words, eyes, and hands only belong to me. My dreams, smiles, and daydreams only belong to you” AND ALSO “Please come back to me darling” yes that’s very ateez to bug imo very ateez to bug….

SO SO VERY EXCITED FOR THE NEW CHAPTER esp because it’s gonna be so long i can take a break from assignments and revision and just curl up and be in the feels SO EXCITED YAY!!

- 📚 (take care of yourself sleep well eat well!! mwah!)

omg 📚 anon come here I am going to kiss you <33

first of all,,, all of these song recs are IMMACULATE and they all swiftly got added to the bug playlist!! <3 I love you so much omfg

ok ok so I had two cigarettes after sex songs on one of my writing playlists already but they were sadder vibes so I was so excited to add this one!! and you're so right omfg this song is so ateez/bug coded (besides some of the suggestive stuff) the lines about smiling fit the yeobug moment from chapter ten :')) the way she smiles does do it for him omg I'll cry <33

'WE DON'T NEED TO SAY IT',, STOP THAT'S YUNBUG -- they never need words they love each other SO MUCH I'm sobbing

'I'll gladly break my heart for you' <33 choi san the man that you are <333 I need to give him a kiss directly on the forehead and tell him how much I love him I swear :'D

here with me fits them so good too :')) they're so patient and willing to wait as long as she needs omfg <3 also also the line "I can't describe, I wish I could live through every moment again" reminds me of bug too <33 she isn't always able to describe her emotions (like the butterflies in her stomach and such) but she loves the feeling regardless <33 ASJLASLJ I'm making myself blush here;;

I'M MAKING MYSELF EMOTIONAL OMFG D':

and I do like instrumentals!! I have quite a few of those on my playlists as well! most of them are soundtracks to movies that I emotionally attached myself too tho LMAO -- like there's a song from the death cure (maze runner series) that I liked when I was young and it still makes me cry :')) also for any of my satosugu/jjk fans,, 'this is pure love' still makes me sob to this day xD

snowfall is immaculate omfg I love the vibes!! it definitely does give 'I'm thinking about you when you're not here' and it makes me mushy inside <33 definitely makes me GGASFEJSJL for sure XD I love it

and I'm so fine with recs in other languages!! I'll listen to literally anything my music taste is all over the place xD -- ok but "I beg of you, come back, my darling" THAT'S SO WOOYOUNG AND ATEEZ IN THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OMFG EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATED D":

thank you thank you for these recs my love, they will definitely give me extra motivation to write <33 you're the best kiss kiss <3

and I'm so happy you guys are excited!! I swear I get your messages in my inbox and I kick my feet a lil cause your excitement makes me excited ya know? :D

also also I'm glad the new chapter can be a lil relief from studying and revising for exams!! I know the end of the year is coming up for a lot of ppl (or maybe that's just where I'm from idk :o ) and I definitely know how stressful that is :(( but I'm so so happy that this can be a little dopamine for those who need it xD <3

I hope you have a wonderful day my love <33 drink some water and eat well when you can! and take breaks from studying too!! I know you'll do so well I'm so proud of you hehe <33

[alias-sam]

My computer crashed and I just lost the least three chapters of my story....brb gotta go cry myself to sleep now.....

[haaam-guuuurl]

So, we just got Love, Victor S2 AND an HSMTMTS Seblos episode ON THE SAME DAY??

Talk about Pride Month celebrations!

[jezunya]

(5 Aug 2019)

Toni Morrison, a Nobel Laurete, an icon of the literary world, and an elder in the womanisn movement has died at the age of 88. Born Chloe Ardelia Wofford, Morrison was an unfailing leader in the push for Black women narratives and wrote such classics as Song of Solomon, Sula, and Beloved, the latter of which earned her a Pulitzer Prize. Much can be said about the transformative power of her works, but I’d rather leave you with her own words right now:

“You can’t fly with regrets of yesterdays on your wings.

You can’t fly if you’re still in love with that ex that’s bad for you. Give that shit up!

You can’t fly if you’re afraid of standing up and taking power. Give that shit up!

You can’t fly if you’re spending the time you should be using to fly on other less important things. Give that shit up!

Focus on flying, if you wanna to fly. Because if you really wanna fly, nothing should be able to stop you. And if you’re not flying, realize something is. And lose that shit!”

Rest in Power, Toni Morrison. Thank you for the gift of your words and the beauty of your life.

[glitterghost]

Just thinking about how Atlantic just makes me feel emotionally scrubbed raw.

[alloutofgoddesses]

Prodigal Son S01, Episode 18

- It’s 4:30 in the morning but what is time these days

- So this is.... a fun girl in the box hallucination

- Also is Eve okay that sleeping position looks so uncomfortable

- I’m not gonna like- yeah that’s what I dreaded happening

- WHAT a dress

- Ha admissions scandal. Timely.

- Hello Nicholas

- I ship Jessica with Gil tho

- I mean whatever makes Jessica happy

- Ahhh ballet. Prima, principal. I miss dancing.

- That was... violent. And public

- “Welcome to 2020. Can’t rule anything out.” And I gotta go cry myself to sleep again BRB

- Is Gil... pining? And jealous?

- I too would be stunned by the presence of Jessica Whitly/Bellamy Young. I can’t fault Edrisa

- So this is the spiel for his visitors. Fun.

- You’re not gonna enjoy this Martin

- Ew gross nasty

- EVE

- BAD EVE

- NO EVE

- Ugh I hated every single second of that

- I was right tho, Martin didn’t like it

- Yayyyy this is what we want. Right?

- Me too Edrisa. The most beautiful man in New York is Jake Peralta.

- *flashbacks to dancing aggravating my broken tailbone and making it worse, the ingrown toenails, the random ass bruises*

- Martins getting desperate

- This portrayal of ballet dancers is so accurate, they’re all so pretentious

- All of Gil’s examples are things I’ve actually heard of dancers doing to one another... there’s a reason I stopped

- Also they’re pointe shoes Gil

- Oof harsh truth

- Ding ding ding folks

- Primas are bitches. Even when they’re eleven.

- “It’s him again” LOL

- OOF Martin is fucking pissed

- HAHA GET FUCKED MARTIN

- *angrily lays down for flashback time*

- I’m sorry Mr. David

- The fact that her hair is down bothers me. Buns! All the time! Want a ponytail? Use a fake one

- Jessica!

- Gil calls her Jess I’m screeching

- Nine? For ballet dancers? That isn’t young

- One day Malcolm

- What you up to Martin

- Oh a flashback

- Gross. Didn’t appreciate seeing that

- Don’t be fucking calling Eve Martin I hate you

- ayyyyyy on pointe

- Because ballet is great

- There’s my plot twist

- I’m getting -sleepy-

- Don’t be so LOUD idiots

- Do you know how long it’s going to take to put that back up Ivan

- We love Malcolm talking out of his ass to save people

- HELL YES MALCOLM

- Also we needs more males in ballet

- I love Gil so much

- He’s gonna lie

- To get more time

- They’re too close

- Just say you murdered her

- Someone was after her? Maybe?

- She’s good though

- Quite the survivalist

- Who could be worse than a serial killer Soph

- So where is she

- No

- You are actually the nice one which is wild

- No don’t I wanna know

- BOOOOOO

- also YAYYYY cause I don’t think Eve is right for Malcolm

- Well I know /that/. Look at his actor! He has a whole SNL game show skit based on his name! He’s a villain

- It’s a hour later and I’m finally tired! Goodnight

[ayeshareads]

Just finished watching Little Women. Brb I gotta cry myself to sleep now 😭

[anyonecoups]

alright buckle up bitches because this one took me for a ride. first of all, i was not expecting this today lmao you really caught me off guard. second of all, this literally took me 2+ hours to read because i kept getting too excited and had to take breaks to calm myself down😭😭was definitely not prepared for all that 3tan5 brought but i have absolutely no complaints. okay, on to the review/commentary!

reader cooking yoongi breakfast? so he could take it to work with him??😭 absolutely melted my heart. she cares about him so much <3 also him thinking about how he hasn’t woken up to someone in years, let alone had them make him food? i’m on the floor.

reader’s overthinking and being stuck in her head is actually super endearing. i relate to her a lot and i really appreciate that. i just wish i had a yoongi to reassure me lol

not him thinking he doesn’t deserve her😭😭😭and then finding out that her brother is going to be gone for longer than he thought. yoongi better hold on tight lmaooo

omg him telling her she can stay in his apartment while he’s at work?? he trusts her that much :,) i don’t let people near most of my things lmao so i literally gasped when he said that💀

i literally can’t get over him always calling her doll OH MY GOD how is she still standing? i would fold on the spot🧎‍♀️

yoongi you wanna toss the food and WHAT literally when he was thinking that, i was thinking “do it, you won’t🥴”

the slight buzz in his stomach?? yoongi, was that…butterflies👀 or maybe nerves.. damn she’s got this fuck boy all the way whipped huh

life changing you say, yoongi?👀 i’m so happy we’re getting to see more of his music/personal side! also how vulnerable he feels about his music and personal side of him that he doesn’t really let people see🤧

i love how they make excuses in their head for doing small things that show how much they care for each other.

JUNGKOOK!!!! omg bb hi oh he seems like a fuck boy too🤠 i’m living for the yoongi jk interaction❗️oh i just know he and reader have some history. i can’t tell if i’m on the ‘jk and reader hooked up after reader and yoongi slept together’ train or the ‘jk is reader’s shitty ex who called her a bad lay’ train. i am CONFLICTED. can’t wait to see how it develops though! WAIT BLONDE JK IN A HOODIE HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME RYEN😭

her wanting to be able to go out in public with him and not worrying about people seeing brb my heart can’t handle this❤️‍🩹

omg them cooking together STOP that’s so… domestic of them🖤 also chef yoongi, yes please i would kill just to have that man cook for me ONCE that’s all i ask! i love all their teasing towards each other while they’re cooking too they’re adorable

SHE DID NOT LMAOOOO JUST DUMPED THE WATER ON HIS HEAD reader really said

i love how they’re being goofy with each other now and just letting loose, yoongi seems so much happier and more alive when she’s around😭okay i’m calm now i’ve collected myself

wAIT WHAT BATHROOM SCENE? MIRROR?? YOONGI HAND CONTENT??? I BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

LMAO NOT THE FOOD BEING A COCKBLOCK💀💀

omg the tangerines again👀🍊

sleepy yoongi :))

oh is she gonna? girl just do it do it do it yes yesss I KNEW SHE WAS GONNA WEAR HIS SHIRT omg yoongi’s gonna lose it when he wakes up omg is she actually getting into bed with him to sleep😭

oh ohhh oH YOONGI DEEP MORNING VOICE? STOPPP IM ON. THE. FLOOR. oh my god he’s so🥴 “you don’t get to be shy this time” SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP did he just🤠 “i can finally take my time with you” CURRENTLY MALFUNCTIONING, WILL DEFINITELY NEED A REBOOT

oh shit she told him the truth.. the silence but then “good. you deserve it.” i feel like there’s definitely truth behind that but i feel like he’s gotta be a little salty about it LMAO as if he hasn’t been with anyone since her🙄💀

oh my god i love her teasing him back yes girl get it oh shit he’s not fucking around this time omg the eye contact while he kisses her thigh🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️“don’t cover that fucking mouth” AHHHH “that’s my girl” PLEASE

i love how no matter how much he wants it or how lost he gets in the feeling, he still always makes sure that reader is okay :,)

holding her thighs in place…

“now gimme my shirt back” LMAO oh my god him literally just taking his time to admire her🙏

“i wanna feel you” and then he does THAT “there.” STOP HES SUCH A TEASE HOLY SHIT IM MELTING

her calling him baby🥲 i’m okay i’m fine really

wait she did not just figure out that his nipples are sensitive…reader you’re a fucking genius

YES tell that man how hot he is, he deserves to hear it❗️❗️oh fuck him teasing her while she’s trying to talk and she can barely even get it out👁👄👁 yes the hands, god his hands🥴 did he just say what i think he just said😏 it’s so cute how shy she gets when he’s like this ahhh

“do it” “say less” lmao didn’t take much convincing for him💀💀 his dirty talk is actually top tier omg?? i am but a whore <3

oh she knows how mad she’s driving him, “you been practicing, huh” hell yeah she has, our girl knows just how to get you going yoongi

…that was hot.. um i’m gonna need a minute holy shit

her playing with his hair while his head is resting on her chest DOMESTIC AS FUCK

ahhh aftercare, ordering food :,) oh fuck i’m so hungry rn lmao

OH AHIT NOT JOJI ??? JUNGKOOK❗️

OH YOONGI KNOWS HE KNOWS ABORT MISSION HE HAS TO KNOW THE WAY HE STARED AT HER FOR A SECOND BEFORE COLLECTING HIMSELF OH JK AND READER HOOKED UP AFTER YOONGI AND READER SLEPT TOGETHER OKAY OKAY GOT IT NO BIGGIE OH FUCK IM JUST IMAGINING THE NEXT TIME YOONGI HEADS TO THE STUDIO👀WHATS GONNA HAPPEN fuck i feel like he’s hurt knowing it was kook :,( i mean obviously he can’t exactly be mad at reader because they aren’t really anything yet and he’s definitely been getting some in the year since they first slept together but i still feel the pain

awww the tickle battle, stop thats so domestic ryen my heart can’t take all this fluff ahhh they’re so cute i just want them to be happy together omg ticklish yoongi lmaooo i feel like he would be ticklish irl😂

i love how she calls him old man lmfao

my heart hurts i wish they could be together or even just confess to feeling something between them

oh wait what happened in the last two hours she stayed?👀

i got so scared when he said “this is just for the week” i thought i was gonna have a heart attack plz😭

but no, he just casually gave her a key to his fucking apartment. ah yeah no big deal😭😭😭 i’ll just go cry my eyes out now no big deal

“you might be in trouble” GIRL I COULDVE TOLD YOU THAT DURING THE FIRST CHAPTER LMAOO

okay okay i’ve taken a break and collected myself again lol

all in all, this is a masterpiece and i’m still so shocked that this came out today. i love them and their dynamics and trying to navigate everything that they have going on. i love how they subtly show that there’s something there and that they care for each other because saying it out loud would make it too real and it’s too risky. i’m so excited for future chapters! i can’t get over how amazing 3tan is! i was so giddy reading this entire chapter!!!

i have some theories too for what’s to come SO

1. yoongi’s going to mention something to jk the next time he goes into the studio. not sure how it would play out but i feel like it’s gonna eat him up if he doesn’t for sure know if it was jk or not.

2. there’s gonna be a lot of angst coming once brother gets back. them getting so close and then being pulled apart again..yeah i feel like that’s going to lead to a lot of overthinking on both sides and possible fear creeping in when they realize how badly they need/want each other. again, not sure at all how that would pan out but i know there’s gotta be lots more angst coming. i can feel it.

3. brother (cough joon cough) gets home earlier than expected. 👀 this one i’m less sure about but i think it would just add a twist and be kinda funny lmao

and as for you, ryen…i am once again blown away by your writing abilities. you really capture emotions perfectly. and the development of the characters?? top tier. you’re absolutely insane lmao in the best way! i’m awful at describing things but i just want you to know that you should never doubt your skills because the serotonin boost i got from this chapter alone💀💀everyone say thank you ryen!

i will be taking a least 5 business days to recover. and you better be getting some much deserved rest❗️cheers to 3tan5🥂🍊 byeeee

stay (3tan) (m) | myg

title: stay (the weekend, pt. 2) pairing: 3tan!yoongi x reader(f) series: masterlist | three tangerines | fireworks | house party | basketball   rating/genre: m (18+) ; fluff , smut ; brother’s best friend au, implied age gap au summary: after almost a whole weekend of misses, you and yoongi finally hit your stride. and after almost a whole year of almosts, you finally capture those moments you’ve been waiting for.  warnings: cursing, choking, protected sex, penetration, more overthinking, fingering, restraints (his hands), cunnilingus, body worship, spanking, cockwarming, his hands yall don’t say i didn’t warn you, breast play, sl*t mentions, light slapping, …a mirror……., a jk appearance…, min yoongi in general, does fluff count as a warning bc i think it rly should lol note: uhh. surprise? >:) happy start of minmarch ig lolol. thank you to my lovelies @sugakookitty​ @yoon2k​ and @joheunsaram​ for being amazing betas as usual and putting up w me !! :’)) and a huge thanks to everyone that’s been encouraging and supportive along the way. this part is the biggest yet and i wanna say so much here but i will refrain. there will just be lots in the author’s note at the end :) and yoongi? screw you for spoiling everyone way too much this time around LMAO note 2: oh! if you haven’t read the rest of the three tangerines series, i highly encourage you to read those before this one! it would make more sense.  drop date: march 2nd, 2022, 7:17pm est  word count: 18.6k!!! HUH..

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What the fuck was that sound?

Keep reading

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x03 watching notes

The Saga Of Dean’s Fluctuating Grief Scruff

Berens has made me cry exponentially more in each of his episodes for a while. At this rate I will cry 6-9 times in this episode, so I really hope we break the streak.

I'm so pumped for this episode.

-

Hahaha me 10 seconds ago: fuk u berens don't make me cry

recap: how about we paste "goodbye Cas" over the shot of Dean kneeling by dead Cas?

-

I have returned with my stuffed toy umbreon "taako from eevee" and I have hugs

-

OH NO Jack recap, pasting Lucifer over him in awful flashes and trying to sell his dark side even though he is a squishy.

WELP they're going right there with the Sam drinking blood parallel with Dean saying when has anything ever gone right for us. Is Jack going to Fuck Up today? Or is that just emotional backstory?

-

Awww Missouri's BFF. I love her already.

I guess this guy is the wraith. I think I remember him from the promos.

Hey, here's the tarot cards. They're for the MotW

-

The wraith was in the mirror that's behind them but it didn't show his face all wraith-y. Pfft.

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Uhoh, Dean's music is different... Brb need to get a Mittens on the line.

The only word I caught was wall and then we cut to no music and Jack marvelling at the brickwork.

Okay, Mittens told me the song and I looked it up and yeah it's the Rolling Stones and completely romantically neutral.

This is the bit we got:

Mama says yes, Papa says no, Make up you mind 'cause I gotta go. Gonna raise hell at the Union Hall, Drive myself right over the wall.

I almost think it was chosen just because Jack was pawing at the wall.

-

Jack being fascinated with the bricks in both 13x01 when Sam was ASKING him about the portals between universes, and now when he's just pawing at the bricks reeeally makes me feel like Jack has a fascination with the brick and mortar pattern, like these lines between the solid planes are somehow tickling at whatever deep down cosmic part of himself knows about the portals. If he's still figuring it out or something.

-

Oh no here's the awful promo that nearly made me cry last night.

I am so sad that Jack's been hiding in his room.

It is adorable how he looks at the data stick, like, getting it's important but totally baffled about HOW and what to DO with it. Sam's starting to take for granted that Jack is a bit more... well, together, than he actually is. The real question is does Sam know he was stabbing himself?  That's such a hard thing for Dean to tell Sam, and not betray empathy to Jack - unless he grumpily delivers the news and legs it :P

But yeah, anyway. Sam expecting Jack to be able to do things he can't, maybe starting to take Jack's fast learning for granted when it comes to how he's managed to adapt to burgers and reading and stuff. He's still a 4-5 day old person, and he's never done this before... Sam hands him the USB stick without even stopping to think at first that Jack might not be capable of using it...

-

*stares at Sam staring at Jack* I think he's feeling deeply sympathetic - I reblogged some meta about how they have a shared experience here but Jack's getting so much more than Sam ever did. Ironically, I was gonna make a parallel to Home, without stopping to think that Missouri is here but let's call it a real meta parallel then - Mary saying even 3 words to Sam in Home was the most Sam had ever seen of her in his entire life and the most words he could remember her saying to him, ever. Of course Mary and Kelly were/are paralleled as mothers, and Kelly to Jack will be a much more pure image because she never did anything dark or made any deals - he's born because she had no idea she was sleeping with Lucifer, so even though Mary was put in an AWFUL place she made the deal with enough accountability she is held responsible for it, and FEELS responsible for it. Since Jack's powers are already being textually paralleled to Sam and his demon blood I think this is an interesting thing to put a pin in.

-

MIIIISSOURI HELLO

She sounds and looks almost exactly the same. It's been THIRTEEN YEARS what the hell

She looked older in 1x09

maybe it's just the different colour schemes and lighting these days :P

-

Oh no and we're back to Kelly

Her words are so important in a kind of free will exposition way. She's so proud of him!!!

"YOU HAVE AN ANGEL WATCHING OVER YOU"

I know I sobbed about that in 12x23 a bit but just... the reminder, right now. In this episode where we have been teased that Cas is going to be around again (I miss him so much)... I think it's interesting because Kelly tells Jack that no one can tell him who he can be (which I think may be a problem long term that Sam is interested in moulding him so even TFW aren't a completely safe bet to hang out with for Jack to gain a sense of personhood - he'll have to fly the nest eventually) but then she reminds Jack that an angel is watching over him. Obviously she is a Good Person in the show's narrative, and angels in her perspective are good (because Cas was kind to her) and Cas specifically is AWESOME and this is the reminder that Cas is Jack's father now apparently and all... but it's also setting him aside in a way. I think perhaps Jack needs to come to terms with what Cas is that isn't exactly his FATHER per se but also isn't just the angel on his shoulder, in the exact same way Dean needs to realise Cas isn't his BROTHER per se but also not just the angel on his shoulder. It's that grey area. In Jack's case, it's because a reckoning with Lucifer and understanding the potential darkness in him, or his legacy as being Lucifer's son, can't be ignored. Cas can't be pasted on top of it for his deep down personal understanding, and Kelly mentions the father and Castiel as separate entities. The father doesn't define what Jack is... Cas has a more neutral position, a guiding one... But I think some wires may be crossed with Jack, too, that has given Cas absolute fatherhood in such a way that it's going to be GREAT for Jack to set his moral compass by such a well-meaning good character who seems to want the best for Jack, but it can't be his entire understanding of himself.

...

Sorry for just throwing a Destiel parallel into all that but it fascinates me that tbh Sam is like the only one who doesn't have a complicated relationship with Cas. I guess also Mary got to grips with him around 12x09, but then also didn't have a whole bunch of contact with him... On the other hand in my Christmas fic I haven't even got the remotest idea what it will be about yet but will feature all the current living characters in a fluffy Christmas scenario, I'm pretty much ready for Cas and Mary to be the chillest friends :P

-

LOL Sam and Dean talking about how long since they saw Missouri "what has it been a decade?" "MORE" Yeah you FUCKS she said to stay in touch. DON'T BE STRANGERS.

-

That is a cold sweat moment for Dean, like... fuck I haven't ever even sent her a CHRISTMAS CARD

Maybe he sees her name in John's journal sometimes and does send her one.

-

Awww and Sam was talking to Jody off-screen, which I love because that is my JAM

*badum tish*

-

Dean is alarmed that Sam handed off the case to her, because he wanted to leave the freaking house and get awaaay from Jack

He's not that concerned about Jody.

I mean, rationally, he knows Jody is the Toughest Cookie they've ever met. She went up against Leviathan WITH AN APPENDECTOMY

But in the immediate here and now? He is PISSED that Sam wants to keep them sequestered away in the Bunker with the one thing he can hardly bear to co-exist with in the same universe.

His stomping off is an End Of moment... Reminded of 9x06 because Berens, but also because in the start of that episode Dean takes the lead from Cas and legs it from researching with Sam and Kevin, and it's like a horrible reverse motivation. Cas is dead and he can't bear to be around that horror and guilt and confusion. He needs the distraction, so off he goes on a solo case, leaving Sam behind. His angry "you got me" when he skips out on research and Kevin thinks he has it all sussed out why Dean is leaving is again a reverse of Dean's self-professed anger at the situation when he knows that Jody will be FINE and of course she's part of their competent hunter network who can handle things probably a hell of a lot better than them, being an actual cop and all. But it makes one hell of an excuse to go. And Dean was in a pissy mood then as well but it was his own fuck up about Gadreel bothering him and his guilt about what he'd done to Cas. So external motivators help him leave. This time it's all internal motivators where he WANTS to leave. So he makes it all happen by getting irrationally angry at Sam.

-

CORN FIELD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

I know it was most likely just There but hey we have a Turducken slammer poster in the background and corn syrup blah blah, and corn = Cain

Theeeemes, as Mittens says.

-

JODY JODY JODY

-

Missouri drops some heeeavy hints about not having family around any more.

She always did love that car. A reminder she's known them basically their entire lives, since The Fire, and she knew the car as both John and Dean's.

Also a handy way to make her a trusted ally and as Mittens says, the car is Dean's soul and Missouri has seen inside him.

-

HE JUST WANTS HUGS

He heard Missouri and Jody were in the same place and was like FUCK YOU SAM I AM GOING TO COLLECT MY HUGS

But seriously even if he's kinda putting it all on a bit because he's miserable, these people are genuinely cheering him up just to see and he's getting physical comfort from two parental figures to him.

(he's so weird about Jody being a mom figure)

-

LOL Missouri did the thing

-

The thing literally every single person said they wanted her to do

he should have hugged Jody first

-

Is it just me or did she hesitate on "loss" and then add the "es" after a moment of uncertainty? Please tell me one is not drowning out the other I will die.

Although of course, Missouri is a HUGE reminder of the Mary stuff because she comes connected to their home and Dean is having to re-re-confront that and OF COURSE he does it when he's lost Mary AGAIN. And pfft I spent yesterday writing about Jody re-losing her son in 5x15 and having the problem of fresh loss after getting someone back you didn't think you'd ever HAVE back.

-

I love that we're seeing Missouri's process. She's reaaally spelling out the exposition. But in this case I can trust that that's just because the actual method and knowing that it's a wraith and his MO is just a random detail to all the more important emotional stuff. That this is just some necessary building blocks to get to the good stuff and this is the fastest way to get us there.

-

Sam immediately starts getting into choppy water and I'm one line into the next scene. He's bringing up training Jack... Sam, we've spent the last 2 weeks talking about how it's not a great idea for you to try and harness him for your own reasons because it will make you look bad to him. Jack needs to trust you!

I'm worried he'll end up thinking that Sam giving him the connection with his mom was just a way to soften him up a bit more to Sam. Like yeah on the surface level it's lovely and shows Sam has been careful and paid attention and collected all the evidence from the house to check if anything will be important for Jack (not the 100s of diapers)... And then found this thing and immediately decided Jack should have it because it would mean so much to him. it's great that he cares so much he did this!!

But yeah putting the scenes back to back is a little uncomfortable because Sam does have motives, and like I said last time out, if Sam HADN'T just lost Mary through a rift Nougat unknowingly opened, he would 100% definitely treat Jack with the exact same care because he is a sweet guy.

But looks bad.

-

Sam is waving a pencil. He looks like a lecturer.

-

This is a different part of the Bunker or the library from an angle we never see and this is a new table with a different lamp and I am so horrified, as the Table Meta person, to have a bunch of new stuff to work out and write about :P

This is the Yoda Table for the time being

I suppose it's a new place for a fresh start and, like, virgin territory for meta meaning. Whether it's the store room or the library the important thing is it's DIFFERENT and it's a sort of secluded corner than right out in the middle of the war room or something. It's a sort of private nook kind of feeling. Sam is trying to make a comfortable environment for Jack.

Jack glances at Sam.

Thing is, Asmodeus got him to open a portal to hell by cajoling him, and Sam's asking him to get control of basic things like moving a pencil around. It SEEMS safe and like a good exercise to try and get to grips with his powers and learn finesse and control, and for Jack's sake too. But... Idk, still looks dodgy Sam. I mean I can absolutely and 100% see a surface level where this is adorable and great and Sam has a new friend/nephew, and for the time being I'm enjoying it as it is. But I have this worried feeling that Sam is not going to help Jack emotionally, even if this works in the short term, because Jack has room to be suspicious of what Sam wants, and even if Sam doesn't ask for a while, he has a motivation for Jack to learn to control his powers beyond JUST wanting to help him. I think their dynamic is great and fascinating, but I am worried that from Jack's perspective he won't get the nuance of Sam - Sam needs to open up to him for one thing about his own fuck ups and what Azazel - another yellow eyed demon - did to him.

And Jack glancing at Sam who is watching him so intently is the tension here - can Jack trust Sam when Sam may be just as interested in Jack as Asmodeus was? How can a 5 day old TELL?

-

James has a super nice house.

Also Missouri is "not supposed to call" but they used a recent calls screen on her phone instead of a contacts list, and James was on it, which means that she HAS been in contact with him recently, and therefore prop department messed it up. The CGI in this episode has made 2 errors already >.>

-

OH NO JAMES DOESN'T BELIEVE

-

"it's coming for you and pa-" nooo

-

WHERE IS PATIENCE

I wanna see her on screeeeeeeeeeeeen

-

WHAT DID MISSOURI DO TO JAMES?

She was a John parallel in 1x09 and allied with him and withholding epic amounts of plot info that only she knew what could have been everything up to and including end of season 2 reveal stuff. Her powers make her kind of a disaster friend tbh. Like, great at a party but if you don't believe your mother has visions and is, idk, hysterical or something, then OH BOY that makes for some family trauma. We'll see how this shakes out but right now James at least is successful and rich and has nooothing to do with his mother even though he may potentially be psychic and repressed about it himself, since the wraith will be coming for him and Patience, and we know SHE is.

I kinda don't wanna make a parallel where she's the bad parent and fucked up her son who has repressed his powers because oh boy he's got like a Dean Smith level apartment and this is a can of worms I can't be bothered to delve into when Patience might be on screen soon.

-

Dean "yes ma'am"'d Missouri because everything is awful, because he'd "yes sir" John and oh god. Ow.

Jody is watching like "what the hell sort of dynamic have I missed here?"

She has been taking notes on these boys for years and she still doesn't know anything about them. I was thinking the other day watching 5x15 that when she meets them they're in Fed get up and they bluster at her like they're the authorities when she first challenges them, until she calls Bobby and sees through it and calls their crap. But something something defensive retreat into surface level clam shell around Jody, re: she had no idea Dean went to Purgatory, was a demon, or that Mary had come back to life, just for STARTERS.

I wonder if Missouri commenting on the car was a tie back to John as well specifically in her alignment. This season is all about fathers and without an actual John for Dean to deal with, bringing Missouri back as a John figure... eep

-

Meanwhile Jack is still squinting at a pencil and calling himself useless, so I think Sam is about to climb on his back and make him run through a swamp while beating him with a stick

(dear god I hope every single one of you has watched Empire Strikes Back)

-

Jack's catchphrase is "I don't -" he just doesn't understand. He doesn't KNOW.

Asmodeus was "in his head"

Holy shit and then Sam suggests Jack try that and Jack snaps back at him because HOLY SHIT SAM CAN YOU HEAR HOW BAD THIS SOUNDS?

You really can't, because you think you are doing a good thing but USB STICK, SAM. USB STICK.

Asmodeus was a master manipulator who made Jack want to do a thing so badly and used all the right words to make him do exactly what he wanted. Sam is nice enough not to brainwash Jack like see the pencil, be the pencil dramatics... But asking Jack to remember one of his many traumatic experiences? Noooo don't do it.

This is a very bad plan, Sam.

Anyway also Jack confirms how Asmodeus manipulated him and shows his innocence and also his feelings on what happened - how horrible it was for him to go through it, and, well, he was 3 days old and he got tricked and he has no emotional touchstones to handle this sort of thing :(

And Sam is just being way too rigorous - we take a break, he gets some food, then he'll come back and we try again? Nooo Sam.

(btw I have to say I have been saying over and over that Berens writes my favourite Sam, and this is indeed Berens making Sam absolutely fascinating, although I have to repeat, as a totally flawed and messed up person. No one was ever there for Sam to guide him through what he could do. He didn't even know how he moved that wardrobe the one time he did telekinesis... He's completely lost and trying to handle this alone and with a lot to prove because Dean's snapped at him and stormed off, and he wants Mary back... He's being like Dean - angry and taking it out on Jack - but in Sam's chill, deep under the surface way, and of course like Dean can spare smiles and hugs for Jody and Missouri, he still can have a kind and well-meaning surface layer just like Dean can have a happy one. But bring on the frustration and he slips and says the wrong things and now he's acting like a strict teacher....)

Jack's face that was cast to be both perfectly scowly and perfectly cute is now being used to be very scary and scowly.

-

OH NO MISSOURI!!!

She was badass and defiant to the end but it's still sad and we knew it was coming because, well... I swear there was spoiler chatter that Patience and Missouri would meet, but I suppose it's more like Patience is going to find out about her grandma and have to learn about her that way...

I mean the whole point of Wayward Sisters so far has been Jody collecting orphaned girls and she has a living father and until this point Missouri, so she has to end up in a way where Jody is now the only guiding light she has

but bleeeeeeeh.

-

ANYWAY like passing the baton, we get the last scene of Missouri (making a stand) and move to Patience.

HELLO NEW MAIN CHARACTER

-

She's a neeeerd

I love her

-

She is good at volleyball because she's psychic

-

heee wonder woman comparison. Blah blah meta from when Dean owned being wonder woman.

-

Her athletic friend looks nerdy and she describes her as being a bookworm athlete because Patience looks cool and athletic (she's very tall or her friend is short...) so there's 2 false binaries here: the nerd and athlete one where you can only be one or another. Her friend with the massive glasses and fringe (bangs?) is nerd-coded. And Patience carrying around her files but secretly being good at sports is the direct opposite... I like this imagery, no prizes for guessing where else I apply it :P

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All the lights are flickering... It would be hilarious if SHE was causing it, just because monsters don't do that...

I think she is having a vision.

OH it was a dream, cool. (We're really expanding what psychics can do all of a sudden, because we're about to send 2 of them off into Wayward Sisters. If Kaia and Patience can hang out in dreams, that would be AWESOME. I bet visiting Patience's dream landscape once she has her powers under control would be amazing, if 8x08 and Fred's inner mind is anything to go off of :P)

Also OH NO poor Missouri. She's used her death as an omen for Patience, like, basically just because her father won't talk to her. I mean talk about spite, she's right in the John Winchester model of family, like, well guess I'll just DIE then, and get Patience to deal with this for me :P

Getting back to those flashing lights, also, even though it was just a dream, I do think it was interesting because Jack blew all those lights. I think it's a sign of losing control as much as a display of power - if we go from 4x01 and Cas doing it, it was just because raw power on display. In 13x01 for Jack it's both that and loss of control. For Patience it's the sign of the supernatural creeping up on her but also she loses control of her dream environment and Missouri invades it to send her the warning...

-

James has something on his screen about crude oil. He's probably like a stocks and shares guy or something. This house is ridiculous. Patience is going to be the rich kid on the team, and probably adjusting to the gross gritty life of being a hunter :P

-

Ooh she did recognise Missouri - so the contact wasn't broken off THAT long ago.... I say remembering how I thought she hadn't changed at all since season 1 :P

-

James doesn't give anything away about her phoning like, yesterday. He looks baaad about it.

Don't lie to kids about their powers and heritage...

I say side-eyeing Sam for not getting into the exact thing with Lucifer I was blah-ing on about at the top of this episode. Which is probably not helping Jack understand and control his powers

-

Oh noooo Dean at a Gas n Sip

hearing about the murder on the TV OH NO

I got to ask why it's night at the fortune teller's and day where Dean is.

-

Singer directed this and I'm up to 3 boo boos of the wraith not being in the mirror, the phone breaking the story, and the wrong time of day in the footage on TV so I'm just gonna side eye and move on. Maybe he's having an off week when he made this or something because when he's not directing Eugenie's scripts he's normally competent.

-

Knock Knock hello James

Wait, Dean has got massively more scruffy between scenes.

HE HAS - I WENT BACK AND LOOKED

Is this a continuity about them driving all night?

I am loving the look. Gimme more of the season 9 look Dean.

-

They are kinda treating James like he knows and cares about monsters, when really he's a stock guy with a fancy house. Wrong approach, but telling the absolute truth. Dean, again, not sugar coating it. Jody has to step in and help with comforting sounding words about the truth. She, also, doesn't even mention she's a cop and is acting very much as Dean's partner on the hunt rather than a cop.

-

Patieeence. At school with her friend, who is badgering her about hot boys. Patience relucantly says okay fine he's hot. *wonders exactly how gay she is* Probably not with a huuuge crush on her friend but we'll see :P No one can be that "ugh" about the entire concept.

-

Patiiiience. She's been ACTIVATED.

-

The fact she had a couple of pencils sticking out of something in her locker just makes me think that over on the other side of the story Sam is trying to activate Jack's powers via a pencil.

-

AAAH

HAHAHAHA She's awesome!!!

And she snaps the gross wraith spike off with like 0% of the fuss Dean made.

-

I LOVE the shot of Dean rushing down the stairs to follow the wraith... I also love that Jody is now united with Patience, and she's gonna glom onto her and drag her into her spiiiiin offffffffff

-

After all the fuss I'm making that better get picked up or I'm rioting.

-

Dean nearly gets hit by a blue van - hey, monsters in blue vans? 8x18, that time when Dean was like "what, my feelings????" when Sam asked him how he was, and then there was that creepy Metatron sweater dude being a terrible stand-in father for Krissy in like the dark timeline version of what Wayward Sisters is promising to become.

-

Bah Dean shaved again... Get the continuity together!!

-

Ohh no Patience thinks Missouri doesn't caaare... She ditched her after her mom died? heeeey-o John parallels where he emotionally ditched them after Mary died. Only this leads to Patience growing up with no idea about her powers... Except she has been unnerved enough by her deja vu to sound like she's researched it on wikipedia and reassured herself that hey this happens to everyone...

Well if she's not queer she's certainly having one hell of a metaphor journey :P

-

HOLY SHIT SAM. He put Jack in that table because there's a SECRET CAMERA

you know what Sam has done? Once he knew the BMOL put cameras in the bunker, he's gone and found their wifi and he's got into it with undefined magic hacking powers they all have and he's using Ketch's surveillance for his own purposes now.

Look. You mean well. You're reading the sort of parenting book for psychic kids you never had yourself (love it) but this is creepy! You shouldn't be spying on Jack!!!!

Sam has boundary issues with his magic nephew, more news at 10

-

I know I know  he's just concerned and worried and wants to do the right thing but he's not got any frame of reference for how to emotionally nurture someone. It's a MIRACLE and testament to his nature that he's come out anything like as sweet as he did. But oh boy this is bad. You can't just come running in yelling because Jack moved out of sight because now Sam has betrayed that he was watching Jack or WHY WOULD HE COME RUNNING IN IN SUCH A PANIC?

-

Jack's starting to sound done with everything and I love my Nougat child who likes sitting in dark corners.

-

He's not sitting cross-legged this time, it's much more like how Sam found him in 12x23

-

I think Jack seeks out dark shadowy places to lurk

-

His voice has literally changed to be more gravelly

-

OH NO JACK NOOOOOOOOO

HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU'RE EVIL, YOU PRECIOUS CHILD

-

But Dean thinks he'll be evil and Sam has surveillance set up on him...

-

Oh dear god let this be the Berens Speech of the episode that makes me weep openly

-

OH NO NOUGAT

-

He's got all his comparisons to live up to but he doesn't have his angel watching over him!!!

I said earlier that's a bad comparison for Jack to treat him as his father AND that phrase needs to be hauled out and torn to shreds, but I think some short term guardian angeling will probably be good for Jack and maybe even Cas depending on how he feels when he gets back... I almost trust this season to treat that relationship slowly and carefully since they're being so absolutely on the nose with character development stuff being spelled out.

-

Sam's doing the "listen" thing and sitting down... Can you get to Jack?

SAY THE THING

Oh gosh he apologised for pressuring Jack

I didn't think that would work

I should yell at the screen more

-

HE WANTS TO FIND A BETTER WAY

AND THEN HE TOOK JACK'S HAND AND HAULED HIM TO HIS FEET

-

OH YEAH HERE IT IS "I know what it feels like -" THAT WAS PART 2 OF "SAY THE THING"

-

AHAHA STOP MAKING SAM CRY, BERENS, YOU MONSTER

-

It makes me cry

-

"Dean, Cas - my family helped me through" NOOOOOOOOOOOOPE FUCK OFF BERENS

"you're not evil, Jack" THANKS SAM, THOUGH

-

Meanwhile: Jody and Dean awkwardly stand next to each other while Patience has a Family Moment.

Dean's connection to Missouri goes so far back that Patience has to mean something to him in the sense that omg this is Missouri's family... However she treated Dean (and kinda scared him i think :P) he has an investment in them because Missouri was there at a bloody awful time for him, and she was helpful and good to them (and he has no idea she was lying about John the whole time - tbh the fact that she can see stuff that happened in a scene pretty much just confirms to me that what we DIDN'T see was that the first time John met her he took her to the nursery and BAM she sees the scene from 2x21 that Azazel showed Sam of the demon blood and she's like... ah.)

(pls refer to my pre-wayward sisters watching notes for actual thoughts on that :P I got super rambly and i'm not going over it AGAIN)

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OH NO James grew up having total faith in her powers and then she said what James wanted to hear and told him the better news either making a mistake or doing EXACTLY WHAT WE SAW HER DO in her introductory seconds... Temporary help to alleviate pain but in the end - well, that guy's wife was still banging the gardener whether he knew it or not and one way or another he might find out...)

UGH Missouri what did you do.

-

OH NO JAMES HAS DEAN'S BACKSTORY OF HIS PARENT ON THE ROAD HUNTING MONSTERS

Remember when I said I hated the Dean Smith life he made for himself? I HATE IT SO MUCH

-

I went to vent at Mittens about this and she told me she has been comparing Patience to Kev and James to Linda and that's another extremely awful way to look at all this :D

-

"I didn't want that life for you" I think it's interesting that James managed to put it all behind him SO effectively, especially if he's somewhat psychic himself (I BET IT HELPS WITH TRADING SHARES, IF IT HELPS WITH VOLLEYBALL. JUST SAYING)... He's basically done what both John and Mary repeatedly said especially in the context of Sam and just letting him go to school and live a life. Patience has got that - so far - but lo and behold it all catches up.

-

Aaaand James chooses to run again.

Like, it sucks, but "use her as bait and kill the wraith" is generally the better tactic when it comes to just confronting your problems. And the horror genre is ALWAYS about confronting those inner problems. In this case the wraith going specifically after the psychics in the family is blatantly a metaphor for this catching up and James no longer being able to pretend this isn't what his family is all about. I would say it's targeted at his decisions and Patience's awakening - a vision is one thing, an attack BECAUSE she had it seals the deal and makes it impossible to ignore.

And if James runs again, he only puts the problem behind them, to try and live normally but... Patience has already been changed by this encounter and Missouri's awakening.

-

Awwwwwwww nooooooooo flashback.

She's so SMOL.

This is all the perfect sort of emotional manipulation to get me completely attached to her.

-

I'm trying not to meta too much between The Man Pain and Patience's story (she's the POV character of WS I think? I mean I desperately want her to be, as the new character to the dynamic aside from Kaia who's being introduced later as a part of Claire's story - and I think I saw one comment somewhere in the PR and completely latched onto it) but there is something about James saying that Missouri's influence is poison and Patience learning to be psychic is something he desperately wants to avoid, and the parallel story with Jack also discovering his powers. Patience thankfully only seems to have Sam-like visions and will probably have Missouri's skill set (i mean sheesh this might not be a memory but a vision but in this case it's almost impossible to tell apart for Patience except that maybe this is literally the clarity of what she's remembering on screen :P) - I think it works better in the present day, that the adults are all here to weigh in on what Patience can be.

I think Missouri appearing in flashes mirrors Kelly to Jack, since he's not getting anything from Cas at the moment, so she's the beacon of someone who truly believes in Patience, and there was a sort of powers birth transfer awakening thing in the way Missouri dies and Patience gets her first strong vision that she can't shake off as deja vu.

-

Dean said that Missouri reads objects so Patience is probably getting this vision off the brooch, tbh.

-

This hazy memory is probably actually circa like... season 2 or something, if Patience is supposed to be school aged NOW and the show is THIRTEEN YEARS OLD so if she's like... 5... that's season 1 or 2, if she's roughly supposed to be 18

I am not good at maths btw feel free to call this out

-

That kid REALLY looks like young Patience, in that creepy SPN casting directors way

-

OH GOSH the vision parallels not just to Kelly but Missouri will always look out for her, and that's very much like Angels Are Watching Over You

-

AAAAAH HE GRABBED PATIENCE

put it back.jpg

-

Is James going to use his own secrit powers he's been repressing the entire time and find her?

-

HE'S GONNA USE HIS PSYCHIC POWERS TO FIND PATIENCE

Bless this entire metaphor of repression being overcome and accessing the true parts of yourself.

-

Is this the same creepy set that Cas once stabbed a demon in that time when he was looking for something or other? I can't even remember if that was season 10 or 11 or what he was looking for, but a gif of him wandering around doing The Eyebrow is common enough on my dash I don't forget that it happened :P

-

Oh great he basically has super wraith powers because he drinks people with super powers.

Stupid creepy wraith

Leave her alone!!!!!!!!!

LOL

"first: gross" I love her.

-

NOOOOO JAMES

You were just starting to be cool

-

Wait is she having a vision, because Jody should probably not be dead right now if she has a spin off to be playing around in:P

I bet Dean's about to killed too

Yep

owie, that was embarrassing for him

He's super off his game if he lets himself get killed THAT EASILY

-

This was super metaphoric on so many levels though - once I know what happens with James I should get back to that, but Jody symbolically being killed and she's moving on to another property with her flock of girls, and DEAN, getting symbolically super killed like stabby stabby stabby, make it look good for the next time they have to recap how often they all die on this show.. :P But yeah, even just showing him dying is fascinating, especially with the context of how he's feeling.

And oh no Mittens pointed out he's not just off his game but if he saw Jody being dead, that's all his worst fears, and ANOTHER dead friend on his hands, and he did specifically come here to protect her, in his words. :<

-

I love the 2nd version of this. The new fight coordinator guy is really showing off. I type in the instant Dean grabs the rope because improvised weapons are a thing now :P

-

I should probably dig up that meta about veils between worlds because even if Dean didn't die he just got shoved through like 100 hanging sheets and that is ridiculously symbolic.

-

Nice one, Dean.

LOL his face. "welp, killed that guy"

I feel like there was a Moment there. Like maybe he thought hunting would make him feel something but -

oh no

-

HE'S SCRUFFY AGAIN

I feel attacked by the bad continuity but the fact that the bad continuity is because Dean's apparently due some grief scruff

-

"You handled that wraith! Guess you still got it!!"

*dean pauses* *stares into the nihilistic dark void consuming his soul*

"guess so"

I hate this

-

PATIENCE

Snuggly hoodie is snuggly. I wanna hug her

-

"Thank you, for everything" that phraaase nooo

-

James thinks she should put her gift away and get back to normal... But she has a spin off to go to.

-

NOO DEAN DO NOT DO A IN THIS LIFE SPEECH

I HAAATE THIS

-

elizabethrobertajones WHAT THE FUCK HE'S SCRUFFY AGAIN I'm phoning the continuity guy how do I find his number Dean's scruff has been coming and going all episode :P

mittensmorgul wait where are you?

elizabethrobertajones Dean's broken pls help him this must be the scene they wanted the scruff for and he showed up on day 1 of filming clean shaven and they were like... Jensen... no

mittensmorgul HAHAHA

elizabethrobertajones Dean's gotta talk about how everything sucks and he wants to just go live on the beach in a house made of sticks and you need at least 5mm of scruff for that speech

mittensmorgul oh no...

-

Anyway Dean and James agree - Patience should go live in her house and they should exploit their skills only for shares and volleyball. Dean is utterly, utterly defeated and he hates the job and it's the worst and everyone you love will die and you just have to kill monsters all day and it's not even FUN...

-

please help him

-

YAY JODY

"you don't have to listen to him" because guess who is NOT THE BOSS OF US ON THE WAYWARD SISTERS SHOW?

That's right, The Man Pain(TM)

Jody you absolute beacon of sunshine and love and accepting yourself. She can see Dean's broken and spoke out of turn to what Patience might need in his own grief (and I think that must parallel to Sam's treatment of Jack somewhat although thankfully they resolved it back to a functioning relationship already) so she offers her an alternative.

OH NO and she refers to Claire as a sort of daughter

haaalp

And she's so sad she couldn't keep Claire safe against her nature to be a hunter.

And Jody OBLITERATES repression completely. Go be gay with the Wayward Sisters. :D

"You try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable"

I love you Berens.

-

And Jody recruits another avenger :D

-

*glares at my tables tag* Sam is sitting alone in the dark at the war room table, exactly like the end of 9x06. Sometimes being right about the sneaky imagery the show uses feels so pointless because, well, I'm right, but to what purpose does this serve? The tables tag will never bring me glory in battle :P

-

Mittens just warned me to squish Taako for the rest of this scene so I'm in hug mode.

-

"How's the kid, did he go darkside yet?" "nooope."

I mean I'm using Sam's line as a reaction gif forever but OW.

Is Sam gonna call Dean out on what he's been saying about Jack? I scared.

"He's messed up because of you"

... uuh. Again. I'm gonna stop asking Berens for the next line of dialogue because i feel like I'm in that gameshow where they are trying to finish a phrase and I'm just asking for all the right letters while thinking I know what the phrase is and I am scared about what that phrase is.

-

And Sam is playing with the rings on the table, which Lucifer once did, and Sam did a few times in season 12 when things were HAIRY.

He fidgets when he is upset with his family.

-

"You think you can USE this freak"

I'm SHAKING. DEAN, NO. STOP TALKING IMMMMMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW.

I stand by that Sam has a dodgy approach to Jack but fuck that entire concept that Dean just aired, we're getting into Open Warfare in the fandom between the Sam n Dean factions, I can tell. Like... the only question is is this going to be worse than Sam Hit A Dog or In The Same Situation I Wouldn't, or both on top of each other?

-

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JACK IS THERE

-

Dean is wearing a black henley and Jack is wearing a white one I HATE IT

-

"I didn't end bad" OH WE ARE GOING THERE

WE ARE SO GOING THERE

Sam's been going there since Dean said "freak" because i have recently rewatched enough of season 1-4 to screeech when Dean said it.

-

And here's the season 2 thing back again

-

OH SHIT

Dean no

NO.

He's saying ALL THE THINGS AND HE SHOULD NOT BE SAYING THEEEEM

(I mean... healthy communication and the truth? But like... not doing it at top volume in front of the kid??)

NO THE CAS THING

THIS IS THE SAME FACE AS 9x22 WHEN DEAN SAID IT WAS A DICTATORSHIP

-

CAAAASSSSSS

-

HI BABE

Wakey wakey

-

Okay I had to go to dinner and I took my laptop down and made my mum extremely sad

I noticed a couple of other things on the next pass through, mostly sneaky dialogue repeats that I can't remember

but pass 2 through that last argument anyway because I was rushing it

-

Oh teardrops in the bead curtain at Dede's place, because grief. More passing through veils too.

The 9x06 parallel because Sam has a pencil for Jack, and it's a different room in the Bunker but weird shades of them keeping Crowley there, at least on the negative side of how they're treating Jack. Not a true parallel - different room and they're not asking him to write anything down, and Jack is doubling as Kevin.

Thinking of doubles - Patience framed as having 2 consciences about whether she becomes a wayward sister or not in Dean vs Jody - very much like Jack having dual father issues. Jody says "don't listen to him" for the negative example and wafts it away with love and she's gonna keep Patience :3

Also I thought of like 18 more reasons why I love Patience while I was watching

-

So, 3rd pass through this argument... WHY AM I DOING THIS TO MYSELF

Sam confronting Dean is again something where the episode establishes a mixed sort of approach but overall he has a GOOD approach to Jack and the best he's getting at the moment. Dean calling out Sam for using Jack THAT loudly and angrily instead of gently critiquing his methods and asking Sam if he'd care if Jack couldn't get Mary back - that's something Jack can't overhear right now but super needs to.

Of course, Dean is the Worst Parent but he hasn't signed up for that role. He still has an influence over Jack and is too super pissed off to see Jack - and Jack is behind a wall, which takes us to Berens and 12x22 and the wall between Dean and Mary. Dean can't see Jack for what he is and that means he's saying all the wrong things and not even able to reach out to parent him.

Jack basically wakes Cas up to get him back so he can have a non-yelling parent who will be uncomplicatedly good and the angel who watches over him.

(More on that dynamic once they interact a bit)

-

The fact Sam summons the spectre of John to tell Dean that he told him to put a bullet in Sam... Of course Dean can refute what John said and that Sam deserves to be saved which is lovely but you know. Awful argument. Not really the time for that sentiment :P Dean can see Sam - knows and trusts him like no one else in the universe; even Cas in some respects, because Cas is complicated and it's always so messy, that he keeps on giving Cas trust but Cas leaves or does stuff Dean doesn't approve of, and Sam is generally easier for him to deal with...

(Also the complicated feelings about Cas)

-

Sam goes and demolishes that this is about Mary. That Dean might be SAD about her and losing her but that he knows as well as Sam that she's gone because she went into that fight willingly, to protect them.

Cas, on the other hand, Dean absolutely can't see past. Dean's *entire* problem with Jack is because he lost Cas. Because he looks at Jack and sees dead Cas. Sam can explain how Mary chose to punch Lucifer right in the face (hehe) in some easy steps, but Dean then spells out his perception on what happened to Cas because of Jack.

-

I am so not over how the only time I've seen Dean this angry with Sam is in 9x22 and he yells right in his face and - GAH. I mean he's been angry with him before but it was a cold, sad or defeated anger, usually with tears involved. This is wide eyed, crazed, Mark of Cain Dean, who then walked around the corner and flipped back to a smooshy smile because Cas was there.

And this fight is taking place in almost the same space of turf as that argument, because heeey war room where the wars take place.

-

At this point, after "you might be able to forget about that, but I can't", I am pretty sure that Destiel has just gone horrifically canon in like the worst possible way, that Dean calls out the difference in their feelings about Cas.

It's literally putting on the table "is sam a dick or does dean just love cas in a special kind of way"

and dear god, Sam is not a dick.

Sam is amazing.

-

But not as much as Misha Collins who got a special card with his name on and "starring" above it, just for opening his eyes and sitting up.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

5:10pm.

What's up, yall?

Saturday, February 29th of 2020.

I have clean clothes, a good job, nice skin, and plenty of things to be grateful for.

And I've got some sense too, which some people live their entire lives without. (Like the man at work, who thought I'd give him an elderly woman's packages without him providing any sort of name, or connection with the person receiving them....)

I had a good lunch, and am two hours into work.

The days get easier, the more they come. A week ago, I was crying and sobbing in my office. And today, I am contented.

I've got lots of items coming in the mail. Enough jewelry and dresses to make people drop their jaws. Its amusing, I've had plenty of people look at me and do double takes today in a positive and flirty manner, but I'm dressed.... extremely down. I guess all you really need is a nice face and the rest doesnt exactly matter.

So if I can get compliments with all of my hair tucked into a beanie and a slightly slouchy shirt on, then I imagine that having my hair blown out and a nice red dress will bring positive results.

And if not for anyone else, then for me! Winter is OVEERRERRR, BITCHES, so I can feel my inner City Girl coming back out. No more wearing the same seven sweaters and hiding from the cold in bed, hoping it doesn't find me!

THE SUN IS OUT, FUN IS OUT, BUNS ARE OUT-- actuallyiwannakeepminecovered, BUT, I RESPECT THOSE WHO WANNA BRING OUT THE CHEEKS FOR THE HOT SEASON COMING UP!

Plus, it's harder to sleep in hot weather. Next to a window on a sunny day through the glass is good for naps, but for weeklong depression naps, I will smell like I haven't bathed for two weeks, in a single day.... Hence, making me go, "Fuck, I gotta shower or else my sheets will suffer".

Which usually goes to, "Let's shave our legs... oooh okay i see you; lets exfoliate some more.... light some candles.... use that goodass olive oil.... daaaamn okaaaaaaaaay! I SEE YOU SIS!", and then I get better at self care.

Then I either stay depressed and my depression worsens over being glammed up with no one else to see, or I feeel contented, and learn to love myself and all I can do while appreciating my own self beautiful.

And then when summer is in full swing, then I usually can go, "Wait, its only 3pm???? The sun goes down at 9pm???? Time to show myself off, bitch!", and go out. :)

Thank you, universe, for blessing me with sunshine. It beats taking overly hot showers in the cold months to replicate the human intimacy I lack.

Now..... I don't wanna talk about Patrick, surprisingly.

That's a good sign. My way to get over relationships is to explain in depth my problems or beef with the person over and over again, until I eventually exhaust myself and get tired of remembering the same shit over and over again.

Then, I can move in easier.

If the options are 1) move on, and 2) re-think a situation you've thought about every day for the past two months and cause your own hemmorhage from all of the stress, then, option 1 seems the best.

I guess now I'm wondering if it's worth it to make a final letter.

Since as much as I know things, there was information I wanted him to know as well.

5:33pm. Brb.

[bpdfoxmulder]

im isolating myself but like. its not like anyone cares like someone maybe does a little bit but like. lets see. im gonna rant a looot under the cut im sorry

best friend abandoned me months ago an di still think abt her every fucking single day and i never got closure and it. hurts like hell

the first irl friend i had made in like......... idk years?? decided to leave me behind and it hit me so fucking hard tht i almost killed myself (after attempting very recently)

other best friend is not having the best of times even tho they said it got a bit better  in their last text but like i cant ansdwer them bc 1. if i open whatsapp i think abt my irl friend who left me and like the fucking idiot i am i go rereading our last conersation when she told me we shouldnt be friends anymore. 2. im so sos o scared theyll leave me too im like. i cant do it i cant i wnat to disappear and the only ways i can do tht is isolating mysekf abd killing myself haha im so fucked also i mthe worst friend in the world but i just cant

friend who said she was gonna be there for me and after i told her not to ignore me esp after i attempted suiide bc im v fragile................ well she ignored me for TEN days like. do u know how fucking long that is TEN DAYS like our last convo was “i gotta go to class brb ily” “ily2!” and theb. she never was “right back” lmao instead she didnt message me for t e n days abd now shes like i havent forgotten abt u i promise LIKE UHM OKAY U KNOW I HAVE BPD. u know i was abandoned by my best friend. u know i attempted suicide. but ALRIGHT IM JUST SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE U WERENT IGNORING ME im just supposed not to feel betrayed and ignored and fuckignf abandoned. lmao sure. so ofc im ignoring her too.

other friend is checking on me every day which is. nice even tho theyre doing it mostly bc they cant handle people close to them dying so. they dont want me to kms bc of that. idk i think theyre great but??? i dont trust them??? bc all my friends always leave me so why shouldnt they leave me too U K NOW lmao

other friend messaged me some days ago to check on me and like. tbh hes always been so kind to me and he doesnt deserve me ignoring him like AT ALL i feel like complete shit doing it but. again. cant trust him. also my brains like “yeah sure he checked on u but he doesnt seem too worried that u havent answered so does he REALKY care or is he actually secretly relieved that he doesnt have to put up with u??”

my therapist. jesus. i feel like she hates me. i bailed on her for 2 weeks ib a row and im, having LOTS of trouble trusting her and i told her and like. i know she cares but... she must be so fucking tired of me like i called her the day my irl friend left me and she tried to caln me down but i just kept saying “i cant i canbt i cant” so she told me to go to the hospital and i did but like. yesterday i didnt manage to call her when i was bad and i relapsed and i feel like killing myself every day and i cry and stay in bed all day every day and i just. cant trust her so i dont call her and i feel guilty but idk what to do

talking abt going to the hospital. my mum was the one who took me there. she talked to my therapist who i suppose told her my life was in danger or smth and.... god. my mum was so angry. she kept screaming at me things like there are kids who dont have food there are ppl who dont have their arms anymore and u feel bad?? and like... i told her i felt abandoned and she was like there are people without their family you have us and u have the courage to ssay u feel abandoned?? she told me i cant always react like this and i couldnt explain tht i cant control my reaction like later she was like u think i dont have problems? and i tried to tell her that i know she does but she doesnt have an illness like i do that makes me react in a certain way to things that to her seem managable in healthy ways. but she doesnt understand bpd she doesnt understand mental illness. and she said such mean things abt my therapist so did my father they were like why do u talk to her she just damages u shes bad for u stuffvlike that and.. tbh i donteven remember all the mean things my mum yelled at me and even if she kind of apologized i still feel very guilty and just. bad

in conclusion. i cant trust anyone. i want to kill myself every day but i dont even have to energy to leave my bed. im isolating myself so no one else can hurt me. and now im gonna cry myself to sleep bci wont be able to avoid thinking abt all the things that remind me of the friends who left me