#BIG RIP THAT MY LAST NOTE ON THE SHOW WAS LIKE. BITCHING FORGIVE ME

[todayisafridaynight]

LIKEWISE I hope you enjoy the upcoming releases too and that the price tag on Gaiden's worth it! I know personally I'll enjoy them regardless lol, the worldwide releases have been Particularly Rough on localization but these have still been some of my favorite games. Sorry in advance for I will be the one saying unnecessary things (as I often am) though </3

Speaking of, I'm glad you're enjoying Kyouen!! Once Again I wish I didn't have Goldfish Memory so I could actually discuss but :) always look forward to your reviews :)

i wouldnt ever say anythin you say is unnecessary when you always have a lot of insight and purpose to what you say ♪(´▽｀)

AND YAYA im really enjoyin kyouen ! you were absolutely right in everyone being petty as hell LMAO im living for it tho (￣y▽￣)

[peachycoreroo]

i was thinking, what about boys from haikyuu losing game and taking their anger on their s/o in bed to the point s/o is saying safe word, crying? if that's too much, just make them really angry, hurting s/o with words.

i was thinking about Suna, Kita and maybe Shirabu?

characters: suna rintarou, kita shinsuke, shirabu kenjirou

genre: smut, slight angst, fluff at the end

word count: 1.8k

warnings: fem!reader, angry boys, established relationships, spanking, one (1) face slap, choking, vaginal penetration, oral m!receiving, usage of ‘whore’, ‘bitch’ and ‘slut’, heavy degradation, semi-public sex, pretty harsh words are said, safe word is used

authors note: uuu this is my first darker piece for hq, but it does end in fluff!! i tweaked it so it fits the timeskip, but just a friendly reminder that this is pure fiction, your favs love you and would never hurt you<3 here's a link to my masterlist

pt.2: kuroo tetsurou, oikawa tooru, tsukishima kei

suna rintarou:

it wasn’t often that your boyfriend resorted to pounding the living shit out of you immediately when you had sex, usually opting for teasing you till you couldn’t take it anymore and begged him to fuck you or took the reins in your own hands and rode him till you were both shaking from overstimulation.

this time, was bad though.

the japanese national volleyball team just lost the finale of the olympics, resulting in them only getting the silver medal. no matter how amazing the second-place sounded, it still hit hard to miss the big gold by a hair.

just like how hard suna was currently hitting your ass, as he fucked into you in the empty changing room of the team. you only wanted to check on him when you saw how dejected he looked as he left the field with the team, when the tall brunet just ripped down your clothes and bent you over, fury dancing in his greenish eyes.

you knew how hard rintarou and his teammates worked for this. it was only natural they couldn’t celebrate. losing is still losing, no matter if you’re getting a medal.

“f-fuck, rin, it hurts”, you wailed, tears already streaming down your face from the full-force slaps that were delivered to your sore ass cheeks. being bent over with only the locker in front of you and sunas’ hands on your hips as a leverage to not fall face first on the floor, slowly took a troll on your tired body. it also didn’t help that your legs were barely able to keep you up with how powerful his thrusts were.

“shut the fuck up and take it, worthless whore”, he growled furiously, thrusts only increasing in speed, and a hand sneaking to your front, wrapping itself around your neck. the cruel comments that usually caused your cunt to flutter and eyes roll back, suddenly made your heart sink.

you knew he was angry at being defeated by the opposing team and not at you, but you couldn’t stop the heavy feeling in your chest, or the tears that seemed to multiply at his cold remark.

when the adjustment of his hips caused him to hammer his fat tip painfully against your cervix and his hand tightened harshly around your throat, your knees gave out and you tried to scream only for nothing to come out of your mouth.

“useless, fucking bitch, can’t even stand upright. why do i even keep you around?” he aggressively huffed, not paying any attention to your comfort. you couldn’t take this anymore.

your body went completely limp, as you whispered a small, choked ‘silk’, not even being sure if he heard, when his mind was so clouded by rage.

but he did. and his heart painfully clenched when he recognized the hurt tone in your voice, instantly letting go of your bruised throat and ceasing his thrusts.

guilt filled him as he pulled out and finally looked at you to see you sobbing uncontrollably, arms wrapping protectively around your form as if you were afraid of him hurting you.

“hey… hey, y/n, sweetie, look at me.” suna’s gentle tone had you looking up at him, your vision blurry as your pained expression met his tender one.

“’m s-sorry i couldn’t help you, r-rin’. ‘m sorry y-you lost”, you stuttered out helplessly.

here you were, crying and in pain, but still thinking about him. the brunet was sure he didn’t deserve you.

“no, i’m sorry, pretty. i got carried away”, the tall volleyball player whispered softly, his large palms cupping your cheeks, “i love you and i never want to hurt you. please, forgive me.”

the guilt etched into his handsome face showed you just how bad he really felt, your lips lifting in a small smile. “’s ok, rin’. i love you too.”

the tall male breathed out a sigh of relief as he embraced you tightly and kissed your forehead. suna rintarou would never get carried away like this again. that, he promised himself.

kita shinsuke:

when kita got home, all dejected and upset because some assholes decided to trash grandma yumie’s precious crops in the darkness of the night, you opened your arms with love and understanding. what you didn’t expect however, as you asked how you could help, was to end up on your knees with your boyfriend abusing your throat for what felt like hours.

your knees were aching from the uncomfortable position on the hardwood floor, throat painfully contracting around his thick length as he pounded your mouth as if it were your cunt, jaw hurting from holding it open for so long.

you felt like you would pass out any minute, and while normally kita would immediately sense any of your slightest mood shifts when you were being intimate, he didn’t this time.

where there was usually a caring boyfriend who wouldn’t take his gaze of your face and always asked if you’re doing okay, was a guy who had a far away look on his frowning face, only using you as an outlet for his anger.

the white-black haired male was almost scarily quiet, only occasional grunts and growls escaping his lips. your gurgling and gagging sounds as he hit the back of your throat with every forceful thrust were painful to listen to, and you couldn’t wrap your head around your boyfriend not realizing what he was doing to you.

as tears streamed down your numb face, you weren’t able to stop your teeth from grazing his fat cock, your throbbing jaw not cooperating with your brain anymore.

kita let out an animalistic growl as he pulled out of your wet mouth at once, a sudden slap to your tender cheek startling you.

“you asked how to help and you’re doing exactly that, but can’t even do that for me, huh?”, he spat almost hostilely.

the hurtful words, the harsh slap and the rage painted on his usually calm and kind face made your heart ache, as you sobbed out a ‘peach! shin’, please! peach!’

kita suddenly felt as if he awoke from a hypnosis, when he heard you cry out your safe word. as his -now clear- gaze fell on you, he couldn’t help his chest from painfully tightening. you only offered to help, and he’s gone and hurt you like never before.

falling on his knees in front of you, he pulled you into his strong arms, rocking you both side to side as he apologetically murmured ‘i’m so sorry, angel’ and ‘i love you’ over and over again into your messy hair.

“m’ okay, shinsuke. just wanted to help", you sniffled against his chest, making kita close his eyes out of pure shame that he did that to you.

“let’s get you into the bathtub and i’ll cook your favorite, how does that sound love?”, he whispered softly, as if afraid that any of his next movements would make you break.

the next few weeks you barely got to do anything, kita shinsuke always glued to your side and immediately taking over any task that was thrown at you.

shirabu kenjirou:

being a med student was fucking exhausting. shirabu had spent months writing a very important thesis about certain brain tumors on newborns, only for his professor to give him a c. something about it not being detailed enough.

“fuck you”, shirabu spat as he was sitting in front of the fire place in your shared apartment, throwing all 80 pages of the “not detailed” dissertation into the fire.

“ken’? what are you doing?”

“burning this fucking nightmare. ’m gonna drop out, fuck this shit”, he almost growled furiously. coming up behind him, you wrapped your arms around his neck from behind, leaning down to ask lowly: “you want a better way to deal with your anger?”

that’s how you found yourself bent over his lap with your panties dangling at your ankles. the spanking wasn’t new, your boyfriend being super pissed while doing so, was.

the first few slaps went as usual with you clenching around nothing and enjoying the rubs to the tender flesh shirabu hit a few seconds prior. after, it suddenly went downhill.

all at once, the soft caresses ceased to a stop, his calloused palm from years of playing volleyball coming down on your ass with full force and the copper-haired man spewing some of the most degrading stuff you’ve ever heard.

“fucking slut, getting off to this. you like it when i use you to let out my anger? i’m having a hard time while you’re just being a horny, selfish fucktoy”.

at the last sentence, you froze. did he really think you were using him? you only wanted to help, but his cold words continued. “gonna beat your ass till it’s sore and aching, you won’t be able to sit without remembering what a useless fucking girlfriend you were while i needed support.”

the logical part of your brain knew, that your boyfriend didn’t mean it. the anger got the best of him, and he just threw around accusations like he wished he could do at his asshole of a prof.

but the bigger, sensitive part of your brain convinced you that he meant every single hurtful word. you weren’t even hearing what derogatory stuff was spilling from his lips anymore, vision blurry and ears ringing from the pain you felt in your chest as well as your ass cheeks.

was this your fault? was it wrong to try and help? maybe you should’ve given him some space.

a particularly hard spank brought you back to reality, suddenly tasting the salty wetness of your tears seeping into your mouth as you cried out a loud ‘pumpkin!”, trying to push yourself out of his lap and landing on the floor with a loud ‘thud’ as his hands instantly let you go.

shirabu could only look at you wide-eyed when he saw how you were choking on your sobs and crawling backwards, just to get away from him.

“please don’t hit me anymore!”, were the words, that would haunt kenjirou for the rest of his life. he could feel himself tear up when it hit him what he did to you, his precious girlfriend, just because he was angry at a prof.

“baby, i- please i would never hit you like that on purpose, i- “, the male felt his throat tighten up and with a quiet sniffle he embraced you tightly, craving the warmth of your body. “forgive me, i love you so much, please don’t go.”

as you started to calm down, your arms wrapped themselves around him, wanting to be close to him as well, because no matter what, he was your biggest comfort and you still loved him.

“’m not going anywhere, kenji’. just… please don’t do that ever again”, you murmured against his temple.

“never.”

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Sounds of Someday

Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 3108

Summary: A fight leaves a rift in your heart and a split in Dean’s soul. Going your separate ways, you find that every road leads back to each other. 

Notes: Eeeee, I loved writing this one so much guys! I’ve been wanting to write a Dean imagine based on a Radio Company song and I just had to do this one. I also incorporated the song “Who’s Cryin Now” by Journey because I felt it fit the plot. 

Warnings: This one is a little steamier than other imagines I’ve written, but only for like, two seconds. I’m a tease.

Special shout out to my amazing beta reader Sarah, @suckmysupernatural​ . I love her so much and honestly, she’s helped me so much in getting these imagines out for you and she has some absolutely killer writing of her own!

Want more Supernatural? Find it HERE

-

All gone is here today

Finding room to breathe

“I’m done.” Those two words ripped through you as they left your lips. The anger on Dean’s face changed into remorse. 

“What?” 

“I can’t live like this anymore, Dean.” Your voice was hoarse from screaming at each other. This wasn’t the first fight you had had. But they’d never gotten this bad. 

“So what, you’re just going to pack up and leave?” He crossed his arms. He may have started this fight, but he hadn’t anticipated it to go this far. 

“Dean…” You ran a hand down your face in aggravation. “I can’t keep staying here, waiting for you to start the next apocalypse and then die trying to stop it.” The comment stung, but Dean wouldn’t show it. He set his jaw in a hard stare. 

“Fine.” That was it. That’s all he said to you. 

He stayed in the library while you went back to your shared room. You didn’t pay any attention to the clothes you grabbed, you just stuffed them into a duffel. The faster you got out of that bunker, the sooner you could stop fighting the tears that were burning your eyes. Dean hadn’t moved a muscle when you stormed back through. He wouldn't even look at you. 

“I-” You started, but you stopped yourself. It didn’t matter. You got up the stairs before he finally spoke.

“This is on you.” He said in a steady, seething voice. You laughed bitterly, shaking your head. 

“No, Dean. It’s not.” 

The sound of the door closing echoed through the bunker and in his head. Dean kept his eyes trained on the ground even when Sam entered the room. 

“Where’s she going?” His brother didn’t answer. “Dean, where is Y/N going?” 

Dean just stared up at the closed door as if he were waiting for you to come back in. The silence weighed heavily on his chest, crushing the air out of him. He’d pushed too far this time. You weren’t coming back.

-

As soon as the bunker was in your rearview mirror, you broke down. This wasn’t just a break up. You had just left the only family you had. Your heart was screaming at you to turn around and forgive him. To let him hold you and kiss you until you forgot what you were fighting about. But it wouldn’t work. Not this time. 

Dean’s words still rang through your head. 

“Maybe you just aren’t cut out for this.” He had spat. “You can’t bear the idea of losing us because you wouldn’t last a day on your own.” 

In your relationship, Dean had always helped you find your strength, but in that moment, he made you feel weak. Useless. You couldn’t stay. 

You turned on the radio to drown out your thoughts. 

Dean did the same as he laid in his bed back in the bunker. It felt… strange without you in it. He thought of your hurt and angry response. 

“Yes, Dean. I am terrified of losing you. Every time you go out that door, I pray that whatever it is your facing won’t take you away. But you leave without a second thought. You go out, guns blazing and ready to die.  It’s like you don’t care if you come back to me.” 

He pressed the button aggressively and listened to Journey fill his room. 

“One love feeds the fire. One heart burns desire. I wonder who’s crying now?”

You were half tempted to turn it back off. It was too fitting. The words made your heart ache.

“Two hearts, born to run. Who’ll be the lonely one? I wonder who’s crying now?” 

Dean covered his face with his hands. Hearing your tearful voice was like listening to your heart break. And it was his fault. 

Why couldn’t he just accept that someone cared about him? He had been pushing and pushing you away for months now and it finally got to be too much. You’d given up on him just like he’d given up on himself a long time ago. 

You found a motel to crash at and plan for the days to come. You needed a case and you needed one fast. You pulled up news sites from surrounding areas and checked for anything strange. 

Dean needed a case. It was the only thing that would get his mind off you. He enlisted Sam to help him with the search, though his younger brother kept badgering him with questions. 

“Where is she going?”

“I don’t know.”

“Is she coming back?”

“Don’t count on it.”

“What happened?”

“Just help me find a damn case!” Dean yelled. Sam stared at him and leaned back in the chair. He wasn’t surprised by his brother’s outburst, but he wasn’t backing down. Y/N wouldn’t just pick up and leave. He raised a brow, waiting for an explanation. Dean sighed. “She’s done, Sam.”

“What do you mean, ‘She’s done’?”

“I mean, she said she’s done. She said she can’t live like this anymore.” Dean ran a hand down his face and took a swig of his third beer. “She’s not coming back.” 

“Dean, I’m sure if you just call-”

“No.” Dean gave him a silencing stare. “Sam, just stay out of this, okay? She’s a big girl and can make her own damn decisions. This isn’t the first time a woman walked out angrily and it certainly won’t be the last. I’ll live.” But you weren’t just any woman. You weren’t a one-night-stand. He loved you. Which meant he would just have to try harder to forget you. 

-

Go on beyond your way

And see

Yellowstone National Park. You used to visit this place all the time when you were a kid. Your parents were park rangers here until they walked into the woods one day and never came back. You never did find out what happened to them. After they disappeared, you were taken in by your aunt, who spent her days hunting down monsters, trying to find the one that killed her sister and brother-in-law. You watched the job destroy her. 

You wouldn’t watch it destroy the man you loved. 

You had found some reports of campers going missing over the years. Not the usual bear attack either, though that’s what local authorities assumed. You had a particular creature in mind; wendigo. 

Dean threw his duffle onto the cabin bed and surveyed his lodgings. He had told Sam to sit this one out. He needed to clear his head, but he told his skeptical brother that he would call if he thought he couldn’t handle it. From the research he’d dug up, it looked like a possible wendigo. It had been years since he fought one of these bastards, so he would have to stay sharp. 

Dean figured that a fed would stand out too much in this environment, so he posed as a researcher looking into bear attacks. The ranger just gave him a smile.

“You must be that nice woman’s partner! She was looking into the same string of attacks you are.” He shook his head grimly. “A damn shame. If people just left the animals alone, we wouldn’t have such a problem with these attacks.” He rambled on for a moment before Dean cut him off. 

“Young woman?” The ranger’s brows furrowed. 

“Yeah, she was in here just a second ago. Wanted to know about those campers. Tough-looking, but man, she was a pretty one.” With a glare from Dean, the ranger corrected himself. “Didn’t know she was here with anybody.” Dean rolled his eyes. 

“Do you know where she was headed?” 

After you checked in with the main desk, you found your cabin. The mountains around you gave you a bittersweet nostalgia. You used to love it here. You sighed and stuck the key in the lock, freezing when you looked at the cabin next door. The slick-black exterior shined in the sunset. Son of a-

“Of all of the gin joints...” A voice mused behind you. 

You quickly unlocked your door and went inside. Dean caught the door before you could slam it on him. His expression was grave and his eyes still held the hurt that they had just two days ago. 

“This is my case, Dean. You can go.” You looked anywhere else in the room but him. You could brave leaving him once, but you didn’t know if your heart would let you do it again. 

“I found this case fair and square, so I’m not going anywhere sweetheart.” He said gruffly. You put your hands on your hips and he crossed his arms over his chest. Unless one of you said something, you could be in this stand-off for God knows how long. 

“I don’t have time for this, I have a wendigo to fry.” You started to pack your backpack, but Dean still didn’t move. 

“We have a wendigo to fry.” 

“No.” You shook your head. “No we. Just me.” You stuffed the last of your flare guns in your bag. 

“You’re not seriously going to take this on by yourself.” Dean scoffed. You narrowed your eyes. 

“Oh, and you are?”

“I hate to break it to you, Y/N, but wendigo’s are nasty sons-of-bitches. They’re big and they’re fast and would snap you in half before you could even light a match.” 

“Right, and a big macho man like you would be totally safe.”

“I’d have a better chance of fighting it off, that’s for sure.”

“Look here, Winchester.” You stalked towards him, jabbing a finger at his chest. “I know this area better than you, I’m a better tracker than you, and I can fight just as well as you can.” 

“This is different.”

“It’s really not.” 

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I want you to stop underestimating me.” 

“I should just lock you in here and throw away the key!”

“And I should give you a black eye!”

“When are we leaving?”

“Nightfall!”

“Fine!” 

“Fine!”

You dropped your bag on the floor as Dean’s lips collided with yours. His arms lifted your legs up and you wrapped them around his waist. This kiss was fervent and intense. Your back was pressed against the door and Dean helped you shed your jacket and you undid his belt. Your lips moved down to his neck, leaning forward to encourage him towards the bed. 

You slammed down onto the mattress, his green eyes looming over you and making your head spin. You started to lift his shirt over his head, but he paused. 

“Wait wait wait,” His brows furrowed together in a way that could only be described as extremely hot frustration, “is this break-up sex or make-up sex?” You used your legs to roll him to the side that you were straddling his waist. 

“Let me get back to you on that.” 

-

Even the fires on the road

Trying to get away

You hadn’t really said anything since you started hiking. It was just after twilight and stars were starting to dot the sky. You were focused on listening to the nature around you, hand prepped on your can of bear-spray. Just because a bear hadn’t killed those campers didn’t mean one wouldn’t kill you. 

Dean had a very uneasy feeling. Every snap set his nerves even more on edge. A wolf howled in the distance and he grabbed your arm, eyes wide. He definitely was not in his element out here. You just chuckled and shook your head. 

“And you said I couldn’t handle it.” He just gave you a cocky smirk. 

“Hey sweetheart, you’re legs sore from hiking yet?” He raised a brow and your cheeks flushed. 

“You’re a pig, Dean.” You scoffed, quickly turning around. It was his turn to chuckle. A silence fell between you as you continued to listen to the sounds of the night. A seriousness came to Dean’s expression. 

“Look, Y/N, about what I said back at the bunker-”

“I don’t think we should talk about that now.” You interrupted. Your head was fuzzy enough from the last couple hours in bed with him. Revisiting the break-up wouldn’t help anything. But Dean grabbed your hand, forcing you to stop. 

“I know that you can handle yourself. And I know that you’re afraid of me getting hurt and leaving you. But that’s not going to happen, baby.” He brought your hand to his chest so you could feel his heartbeat. 

“You don’t know that.” You looked at the forest floor. “Dean, how many times have you walked out ready to sacrifice yourself to save the world, or Sam, or me?” He didn’t answer. “I can’t live like that. I’ve watched too many people I love destroy themselves. I won’t watch it happen to you.” 

Before he could respond, a voice cried out in the woods. 

“Y/N! Help us!” Your eyes went wide. 

“Mom?” You gasped. 

“Baby, come find us!” 

“Dad?” Dean grabbed your shoulders. 

“Y/N, those aren’t your parents.” He said, trying to get you to focus on him rather than the phantom voices. “Your parents are gone.”

“Y/N!” 

“Mom!” You screamed. You broke away from Dean and took off into the trees. 

“Damn it, Y/N. Don’t!” Dean yelled after you. He tore through the foliage, but it was too late. You were gone. 

-

And all the stars seem on a roll

Out of control today

You groaned, your head feeling like a bowling pin. 

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” You muttered angrily. How could you have fallen for a trick like that? Wendigos could mimic human voices. But how did it know what your parents sounded like? 

That’s when it clicked. Their disappearance in the woods, the destroyed camp site, the wendigo’s memory of them. This was the bastard that killed them. 

You were tied to a root or something in the ceiling of the cave. It was dark, but as your eyes adjusted, you could see the faint outline of other people across from you.

“Hello?” 

You were greeted with a quiet whimper and a little movement from the smaller form. The other body remained still. 

“Who’s there? Did that thing get you too?” It was a woman. You wracked your brain to remember the report

“Yeah,” You sighed, “Yeah it got me. But I have a friend out there. He’ll find us.”

“It’ll come back.” She cried. “It already… it killed Steven.” She was on the brink of hysterics, so you did your best to calm her down. 

“Jessie, right?” You said softly. You could just see her nod. “Jessie, it’s going to be okay. Dean is going to get us out of here and then we’re going to kill this thing.” How Dean was going to find you… you tried not to think about. 

A figure materialized from the dark. At first, you hoped it was Dean, but it was too big. It’s limbs were too lanky. 

“Oh my god, it’s back.” Jessie cried. You assessed the situation and spotted your bag just behind Steven’s hanging form. 

“Jessie, I need you to get a hold of that bag.” 

“I can’t! I can’t!” She bawled. You gave her a hard stare. 

“If you want to get out of here, you have to try.” You ordered. Seeing her movement, the creature picked her as its next target. She started to scream. Here goes nothing. “Hey!” You shouted at the monster. “Come and get me you freaky bastard! I taste good!” 

Thankfully, the beast took the bait. You started swinging back and forth, hoping that the root holding you would break, or at least wear down the ropes that bound your wrists. The wendigo clawed your arm, making you cry out as blood spurted from your bicep. 

“Hey!” Another voice added to the chaos and a flash of red zoomed by your face, nearly singeing your hair. Distracted by the newcomer, the wendigo turned away. Luckily, the creature had also scratched the ropes and with a few more jolts, your bindings snapped. You rolled towards your bag, ignoring the flood of pain that shot up from your arm. Jessie had been able to move it closer so in a few quick motions, you grabbed a flare gun and shot it into the monster’s stomach. The glare was bright enough that you needed to shield your eyes. 

Once the creature was fully cooked, you could finally see Dean. He moved towards you, but you motioned to Jessie. 

“Get her first.” He cut the frightened woman down and she threw her arms around him. 

“It’s alright, you’re safe now.” He tried to keep her line of sight away from her shredded boyfriend. You couldn’t help but watch him with admiration. The way he cared so much… it was what made you fall for him. He looked at you. “I’m going to take her out of here.” His expression was reluctant. He couldn’t stand the thought of leaving you here. 

“I’ll be fine, Dean. Go.” 

He swiftly ushered the woman out of the cave and you dug through your pack for bandages. Dean gave Jessie a can of bear spray and told her to wait while he went back for you. When he found you, you were leaning over a pile of old human bones. 

“At least now I know what happened.” You held up a small gold chain that you had found on one of the skeletons, buried beneath years of other victims. It was your mother’s. Dean knelt beside you and you took a shaking breath. “You were right, you know. Maybe I can’t handle this. I mean, I rushed into that forest with even a little hesitation. And I know what those bastards can do. I just didn’t care. I heard their voices and I just ran.” A tear fell down your cheek and you quickly brushed it away. 

“Y/N, you nearly got your arm clawed off and you still killed that thing.” Dean exclaimed, helping to wrap your injury tighter. “You are a great hunter. I just said that stuff because… I’m just as afraid of losing you as you are losing me. When that thing took you, I lost my damn mind.” 

You leaned your head against his chest and let him wrap his arms around you. You clutched the chain in your hand. Someday, all of this would make sense. How you found each other, how you continued to be pulled together even when you had given up, how you were willing to risk everything to stay together. Until then, you would enjoy the view. 

And though, the Sounds of Someday

May

Be 

Home

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado​

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624; @halesandy; @livshaes; @d-whinchestergirl87; @mrspeacem1nusone

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ THE FIGHT ❜

Second chapter of ‘Someone you loved’ with Michael ‘Riz’ Ariza.

Warnings: none.

Word count: about 1.3k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

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One of the good things that has to be Bishop's daughter is that Taza spoils you whenever. This time, he has let you destroy a car of the scrapping, feeling how stressed you have been for the last few days. While another party is happening in the clubhouse, Leti and Gabriela accompany you through the main alley, to the farthest part of the scrap. Carrying a baseball bat in your right hand, you find an old SUV perfectly parked and ready for you. Wearing a pair of glasses and covering your hands with big gloves, the show starts while the girls drink beer and listen to your misery.

“I fucking hate him!” You scream full of rage, hitting the pilot window.

It crashes into small pieces falling to gravel on the floor. Turning at them, you raise both arms at both sides of your body.

“Can you really fucking believe it? He fucking came to me! To ask me for advice to date that… fucking bitch!” This time, you smash the rearview mirror with all your strength, beating it until it's unfixable. “I'm in front of you, man! What the fuck is wrong with you? How you didn't fucking notice my feelings?!”

You're breathing fast, hitting the pilot door several times, drawing a big dent on it. They agree with you. Everybody in the crowded yard knows about the fact that you love him, and not because you said so. But because it is obvious. Turning to the hood of the car, you grab the bat with both hands to slam it into the windshield, using all the rage running through your veins.

“Good luck catching a STD, you fucking asshole!”

Pulling back the bat, you take off the whole glass, throwing it onto the floor to jump over it repeatedly.

“I don't give a fuck about your feelings, or about your fucking love! I don't want to be your fucking friend anymore!”

The headlights explode into thousands of small pieces too with two loud roars.

“FUCK YOU, MICHAEL ARiza…” Your voice gets low as soon as you turn around again, to find him some steps away from you.

The girls turn confused too, until they see him keeping his hands in his pockets. Leti and Gabriela run away without saying a single world, in the meantime that you take off the glasses covering your eyes. Tossing down the bat, you heavily gulp. Riz takes a look at the car, before licking his lips slowly. Wanting to say something, but he can't barely breathe.

“It's not what it looks like”. You whisper terrified.

Of course, you couldn't stop being his friend if he doesn't love you back.

“Were you talking with them about what I asked you?” His voice sounds hurt, with a sorrowful gesture on his face. “I… trusted you something… personal and you told them about it?”

“I'm so—sorry, Riz, I di—”. You take a step ahead, interrupting your words, when he takes one backward.

“It's good to see that you don't care about me”.

“Don't say that. It's not true”.

“Then… why is this show about?”

Silence. You are at a crossroads. But every road leads you to lose him.

“I can't… tell you”.

Pursing his lips, he just nods. You don't even know what he has heard, but you're not going to ask him. This just could turn the situation into something worse. But he's leaving you there, alone, and you feel already as if you were dead inside.

“I love you”. You utter without thinking, but he doesn't stop his legs. “I REALLY DO!”

Nothing. You have told him these same words a lot of times, and doesn't have any value for him as you're trying to show him.

“Some… Sometimes…” Having a deep breath, you let yourself go. “SOMETIMES I HEAR YOUR VOICE NOTES WHEN I'M SAD!”

Your lungs are emptied after yelling at him. Your throat is ripped, and it stings a little, but at least he has turned around.

“Shit…” You mumble ashamed, when you see him coming back.

Swallowing your saliva, you place both hands crossed on your chest on the sides of your body, slightly raised up. Some tears falling down, seeing the confused gesture on him.

“I don't know when it happened… I just fell in love with you, Riz… I'm sorry. I tried to push… these feelings away, because I didn't want to lose you. You're my best friend. I can't imagine a day without you”. Confessing it is like taking off all the weight on your shoulders, but stabbing your heart at the same time. “I… I don't know what you have heard, but I don't… really mean that… Of course I care about you, about your feelings… I'm happy because you're happy. And I… I would never leave you just… just because you don't feel the same things I feel”.

Riz is staring at you in silence while you, practically, are putting all your shit over the table. Opening up your chest and showing him your worst fears. What gives you nightmares every single night, since Elisa came to Santo Padre. Hardly sniffing and rubbing your nose with the sleeve cuff of your hoodie, you shrug scared to death. You don't know what else you can say to make him understand why you are so angry.

“So, all those things you said in the Templo… Were you talking about me?” His tone of voice is shaking slightly, raising a hand to highlight the past. You nod.

“Since… some months ago, every time you go for a run, I write you a letter”. Confessing, you grab your phone from your pocket to show them to him, but Michael raises again his hand to stop you.

Being aware that he doesn't want to read them, literally breaks your heart. Not because of all the time you have spent on writing them, but all the things you have written on them; all your feelings, all your memories, all your fears, all the things you love about him. Hoping that, maybe, one day he would read them. Grabbing a fold of your hoodie, you put the phone inside of the pocket again, using your free hand.

“I will understand if you… pull yourself away from me. I don't… want to cause you any trouble wi—”.

“Stop talking, please”. Riz interrupts you shaking his hands raised up some inches away from his chest.

Pressing your lips, you nod in silence again, clearing the tears in your cheeks.

“Why didn't you tell me before?”

“For what, Michael? You and me, this is not gonna happen”. You reply, pointing at the distance between both with your forefingers, feeling how you break a little more. “We ain't made for each other”.

“Is that what you think? Then, why is it supposed that we're friends, if we don't complete the other?”

“Things are very different. It's not the same to be your friend than to be your… girlfriend”.

His phone starts to ring. Saved by the bell. Answering the call, he just listens, not uttering a single word. But when he hangs up, Riz takes a step ahead.

“I got to go, b—”.

“It's okay”. You whisper crossing your arms and bowing down your head for a second. “I didn't mean to hurt you. And I'm sorry for fucking up our friendship”.

“You didn't”.

“You're just saying that because I'm fucked enough tonight, but I will not blame you when you start to act differently with me”.

“Listen, we will be friends forever, no one will change that. And this… conversation it's not finished”.

“Okay”. You reply shrugging listlessly, trying to stop crying, even if you know it's going to be the last time you're going to be alone.

Watching him leave the scrapping is the most hard and painful goodbye you have ever experienced. And you want to run after him. Beg him to not push you away. Ask him to forgive you. But your legs don't receive the orders from your brain, because you know you have already lost him.

[thespiralgrimoire]

c-could u write smth with solid? n him being best problematic pretty boy? 🥺🥺🥺 tyyyyy <3 (dies)

Ohohoh it would be my pleasure~

I think I was both meaner and nicer to Solid than you wanted me to be but here’s Solid on his 21st birthday

--

On the morning of February 26th, Solid woke up with stars in his eyes. He dressed quickly and hurried to the dining room, sucking in breaths of air in search of the smells of his favorite breakfast. It wasn’t until the table came into view that he smelled anything at all, and when he did, it was only fresh waffles. No ham, or eggs, or even a quiche. Nothing out of the ordinary at all.

Nozel and Nebra sat at the table, browsing the paper over cups of tea and waffles. “Morning,” Nebra greeted, her pink eyes never leaving the paper.

“You’re up early,” Nozel observed in the same disinterested fashion.

“Yeah.” He padded into the room and sank into a chair. “I was expecting a big breakfast.”

“Oh? Why is that?” Nebra asked.

Solid glowered to stave off a hurt pout. “Don’t you remember what day it is?”

Nozel and Nebra exchanged a puzzled look, but didn’t dwell on the question long before returning to reading. “The Wizard King addresses the public today, but not until this evening, which definitely doesn’t warrant a big breakfast,” Nebra said. Nozel hummed in agreement.

Solid’s shoulders slacked. He picked up a waffle and drowned it in honey. “Yeah, I guess not.”

By the time breakfast was over, Solid decided that his siblings must be playing a trick on him. They’d never made such an error before, so there was no way that this faux pas was intentional. He’d bide his time, and wait for a surprise-- probably at work. Besides, surely his other friends would remember. This was nothing to lose his head about-- even if it was the most important day of his life in six years.

To his surprise, the Silver Eagles base showed no sign of knowing about his special day. He expected some cards on his desk, or a couple casual ‘Happy birthdays’ from other knights, but no one mentioned his birthday at all. There were no cards on his desk, and no presents delivered to his office. Not that he needed presents. He was royalty; he could have anything he wanted. But didn’t the Silver Eagles know how lucky they were for the chance to wish a royal happy birthday? Why wasn’t anybody saying anything? It hadn’t been this way on his last six birthdays, which were far less important. 

Maybe he wouldn’t have felt as bad if he had anything to do, but of course this was the day he had no work to catch up on. So halfway through the day, he found himself sitting in his office, glaring at his desk while no one paid him any attention. If he thought it’d make a statement, he’d leave. But it seemed like at this rate, no one would even miss him.

Finally, he decided that this could not go on. His siblings were too busy to notice, and he could dismiss the other knights forgetting (but not forgive them). But there was one person that he was sure hadn’t forgotten. And it wouldn’t hurt to do a little prodding on that front. He pulled out his communicator and dialed Langris’ number. Rubbing the desperation out of his cheeks, he set the communicator to visual mode and set it on his desk.

His boyfriend’s lovely face appeared in a magical hologram above his communicator. “Hello, Solid. What is it?”

“Hello, Langris.” He smiled easily, confident in what he was seeking. “You kept me waiting, so I called you.”

“Did I?”

Solid’s brow twitched. Forcing his smile to persist, he replied, “Yes, you did. Don’t you have something to tell me?”

Langris stared at him until the silence grew awkward. Then, he looked away. “I don’t think so.”

His smile cracked like glass. “You don’t? Are you sure?”

“I’m very busy today. If you want something, just say it.”

“Are you sure that you have nothing to say to me?”

“I have to go. Goodbye, love.” Langris severed the connection, and the hologram vanished.

Solid stared, mouth hanging open in disbelief. Anger clawed at his throat, but only heartbreak pricked at the corners of his eyes. This had to be fake. This could not be happening.

He pushed himself from his desk, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. Solid had always cried easily; a quirk that he blamed on his affinity (even though Noelle didn’t share it with him). He slammed his door open and marched out of the base, straight past several surprised knights, including his brother and sister.

“Solid, where are you going?” Nozel called.

“I’m taking a long lunch!” he barked.

He decided that if no one else was going to treat him, he’d treat himself. He bought a large and luxurious lunch at his favorite restaurant, and wasted the afternoon eating it, alone, by himself. Although plate after plate vanished, he couldn’t trick himself into a good mood, and he couldn’t bring himself to have his first legal drink by himself either. When he was finished, he decided that he’d mope around until he was ready to go home. It was his birthday, and if he wanted to throw a pity party, by God, he was going to.

The evening loomed over him as he made his way back to House Silva. He plodded onto the estate without paying the servants any mind; their “Happy birthdays” meant little to him, and made it sting that much more that none of the people he loved had remembered. 

He was nearly to his room when a servant stopped him with an announcement. “Master Solid, Lord Nozel and Lady Nebra are waiting for you on the back porch.”

“Tell them I’ve gone to bed early,” he grumbled, shambling down the hall.

“...My lord, they insist on your attendance. I fear they may grow angry if you keep them waiting any longer.”

Solid clenched his jaw. Angry tears prickled in his eyes. Of course they would do something like this; adding insult to injury. He turned on his heel and stomped toward the back porch, angry mana broiling around him. They wanted to forget his birthday and threaten him with their bad moods? Well, he could threaten right back.

The back porch’s French doors were already partially open, and his mana threw them open with a bang. His voice rose to a livid boom, and then broke mid-sentence. “Who do you two think you are, treating me like this!?”

Nebra and Nozel’s heads shot up. They sat at the table, a tall pitcher of iced tea and cups neatly laid out before them. Despite his dramatic entrance, neither of them looked shaken. “We think that we are your brother and sister,” Nozel replied easily.

“And-- And that excuses your behavior!?” he cried, throwing back his head. The tears at the corners of his eyes finally made good on his promise, and hot, angry droplets dribbled down his cheeks. “I will not stand for it! I deserve better!”

“Better than being royalty?” Nozel replied incredulously. Behind her hand, Nebra giggled.

Solid stared through tear-blurred vision; his anger couldn’t keep up with his hurt feelings. “Y-Yes! How could you forget?” His mana coalesced into looming tendrils of water to hide his tears, but it did nothing to mask his quaking voice. “I’ve never forgotten your birthdays! Don’t you care?”

Nebra and Nozel exchanged a knowing look, and Nozel shook his head. With a sigh, he pulled out and turned around the chair tucked into the table between him and Solid. On its seat was a pile of cards and presents.

Solid blinked until his vision cleared. The tempestuous mana around him slowly, cautiously, settled. “Huh?”

“Solid,” Nebra chided, shaking her head. “You really thought that we would forget your 21st birthday?”

He stared.

“You are so immature.” Despite the scathing tone of his voice, Nozel wore a smile. “This bit was supposed to last for at least another five minutes, but if you ran away crying…”

Solid pressed his hands to his cheeks as he turned an embarrassed red. He scurried up to the chair and rifled through the presents. There were gifts there from everyone; from distant family, to royal knights. He dug until he found an envelope with Langris’ handwriting, and he eagerly ripped it open. The card was simple in classic Vaude fashion, with a note written inside, along with a receipt for a reservation at a high-end ski lodge.

Solid,

I apologize for not delivering this personally, but your siblings would not allow it. Forgive me for the part they forced me to play.

Love,

Langris

Solid bit his lip, beating back a wild smile. He balled up the envelope and threw it at Nozel. “Why did you do this to me? Aren’t I too old for this now?”

Noze flicked the ball aside with a smirk. “I did this to Nebra, and I will do this to Noelle. You are not the exception.”

“Sit down with us!” Nebra laughed. She lifted the pitcher and poured him a glass of tea.  “We can have tea and cake while you open your presents.”

Solid pulled out the fourth chair at the table. As he sat down, he took a big swig of iced tea, and nearly spat it right back out. He gagged down the gulp and squawked, “Ugh, what is this!?”

“That, little brother,” Nebra giggled, eyes flashing mischievously, “is Long Island iced tea.”

--

Now, don’t misunderstand. This is a completely asshole move on Nozel and Nebra’s part. They even at their kindest, bitches. But they didn’t expect Solid to lose his shit. Hope you liked it!

For those who don’t know, the legal drinking age in the United States is 21, hence why Solid is so excited!

[doloresrojo]

Hel’s Daughter

Notes: Although I've never read one of his books, I was inspired by Rick Riordan. I also took some elements of different works of fiction, like Francesca Simon's "The Monstrous Child", the History Channel show "Vikings", Neil Gaiman's "Norse Mythology" and other sources. English is not my native language, so there might be mistakes when it comes to grammar and spelling.

Hope you like it.

The word miracle didn’t exist for the old Norsemen; the concept was foreign to them. If you wanted the favor of the gods you had to take it through sacrifice and blood, prayers were not enough. The gods demanded action. Hel, the goddess of the dead, ruler of Helheim, receiver of those who died an unworthy dead, believed this just as much as the Aesir and the Vanir; and yet, she couldn’t think of a better word to describe the baby that was about to come out of her womb. For thousands of years the gods and goddesses had roamed Midgard coupling with mortals leaving offsprings everywhere. So far, Hel had been the only exception when it came to offsprings. Nobody told Hel that she couldn’t conceive, she just assumed it, after all, half of her body was a corpse. She thought that she wasn’t supposed to produce life, it was not her domain. But having a child had always been one of her deepest longings.

Hel was a witch too, her mother the giantess Angrboda was a völva, and a powerful one; Loki had not chosen her only for her beauty and wickedness; power attracted Loki more than anything, and before being separated from her children she had thought her daughter well. Hel could cast a spell for almost anything, but her favorite was the art of illusion. Hel could make the left side of her body, the one that was a corpse, complement the right one. She knew that the other gods disdained her appearance, and she had used that to her advantage, she loved to play with them, but when it came to mortal men she knew that she had to conceal that part of her if she wanted their attention. So she presented herself as a beautiful Nordic woman: fair skin and smooth as the ice, green eyes like a meadow in the spring, scarlet red lips and long blond hair that reached down to her waist. She looked like a princess from a fairy tale, ancient and mysterious.

The father of her baby was a young Irish musician that was living in London, one of her favorite places. He wasn’t particularly ambitious, he hadn’t left Ireland trying to make it big, he was a wanderer and an artist, a good one for that matter. At first Hel had been attracted to his voice, raspy but comforting, like whiskey running through your veins; then as she watched him she realized that he was shy and he was honestly baffled when someone showed interest in him, and it wasn’t an act; she could see it through her left eye, that eye could only see the truth; he knew her as Sigrid and for one night they worshiped each other. Trough sex, Hel was able to feel the rush that only living bodies feel, the feeling that she couldn’t completely have on her own. And this boy was good at what he was doing, despite of his clumsiness and hesitation, once he got confident he became aware of what his partner wanted and delivered. He wanted to see her again and she didn’t oppose the idea, she told him that she would come back; but she didn’t, not because she didn’t want to, she was expecting his baby and she didn’t know what to do. Hel never thought that she would have to deal with such a human and mundane situation.

The pain was excruciating, she had known pain but never like this. The pregnancy had not been an easy one, for the majority of the time she had to stay in bed, more than once the baby tore her left side almost coming out before time. She believed that if the baby was born dead she would be more angry than sad, all that pain for nothing; she longed for a child, yes, but now she felt bitter. The fates had given her so much sorrow: a deformed body, an untrustworthy, narcissistic and negligent father, a family broken by the fear of others, a kingdom that resented her no matter how much she cared of her subjects’ wellbeing. So no, she didn’t believe that the fates will let her have a piece of joy; her own piece of joy. She could have a corpse baby, ready to be put to the ground. A living corpse, cursed to be a living dead. A monster, just like her and her brothers, destined to endure the wrath of the gods.

“Just one more push, daughter, it’s almost here”. Angrboda was assisting her. When Hel arrived to Nifelheim her mother was already waiting for her; she had been killed not long after the gods had come for them.

“Pray to the Bloodmother”. Said Modgud, the giantess that guarded Gjallarbù, and her friend, who was supporting her back and holding her from the armpits.

With a cry that declared war she pushed as if her life depended on it, she felt her left side finally being ripped apart, and she collapsed on Modgud; she felt herself being dragged to unconsciousness, then a memory came out of nowhere: She was back at Jötunheim, with her brothers in her room, she was lying on Fenrir looking at the view from her window- ice mountains and snow being carried away by the wind- Jörmundgandr coiled beside them with Fenrir's tail rubbing him. Her sanctuary. She was brought back to reality by a high pitched baby’s cry. She opened her eyes and saw Angrboda, astonished, looking at the new born. With tears falling down her face she said:

“It is a girl, Hel. A beautiful baby girl”.

Using her remaining strength she sat up and held her arms out for her baby. What she looked was a healthy baby demigoddess, with ten fingers and ten toes, an upturned nose and a lot of hair on her head. Chestnut hair and brown eyes, just like her father.

“Thank you, Bloodmother. She has her father’s looks”.

Hel kissed her daughters forehead and wept; they were tears of happiness, her baby lived. And that was also the problem: No living being could live in Helheim, which meant that she could not stay with her, she had to live in Midgard. Soon she would have to let her go. The fates truly despised her.

***

No matter how much she hated the three dreadful sisters giantesses, they had the answer to her questions. She swaddled her baby and went to pay them a visit at the foot of the tree of life, the Yggdrasil. The sisters were beautiful, three maidens in the prime of their youth, who could believe that they were ancient and feared by gods and mortals alike?

“You took your time, queen”. Said Urd, the Norn that commanded over the past. She was picking up branches and leaves that had felt from above.

“But alas, no one can escape their fate. Not even a god”. Skuld, the one that presided over the future said, she was looking at the well of fate, the Urðarbrunnr.

Hel looked to Verdandi, the one that ruled the present, waiting to see if she had also something to say. She didn’t even acknowledged Hel, she just took a branch out of a basket and snapped it. Hel flinched and held the baby tighter, Verdandi had just terminated someone’s life. Tossing the branch she said:

“Don’t make that face, Hel. You are the queen of Helheim, death shouldn’t make you flinch. It is natural”.

“She is a mother now. Nothing will ever be the same for her”. A smiling Urd said.

Condescending bitch, thought Hel. Maybe it was the nerves but she was feeling mocked by the sisters. Either way, they were talking as if she wasn’t present.

“I am here…”

“Oh, we know”. Verdandi sounded exasperated, bored even. “You want to know what awaits to your child. Put her in the crib”.

A crib appeared at Hel’s feet, carefully she set the sleeping baby in the crib and the sisters stood beside it. They looked at the baby for what to Hel felt like centuries and then stared at each other. Urd was the first to speak:

“Your daughter is not like any other child a god has ever had; she is special, one of a kind. She is the only child you will ever have; she comes from the barest place in the nine worlds and holds so much power. She will be pure magic, she will be the one who will tip the balance when the end of everything comes”.

“You mean?”

“Yes. Ragnarök”. The sisters said in unison.

Ragnarök, the twilight of the gods. The prophecy had done so much damage already to her family. Fenrir was in Asgard, chained with a sword stuck in his mouth and Jörmundgandr was forced to hold the waters of the mortal world with his tale already in his mouth.

“How?”

“That is yet to be seen. Just like you queen, her part in it is yet not defined”. Answered Skuld.

“You wretched… tell me what you know!”

“Hush now. We don’t have all the answers, you already knew that before coming here. And you’d be wise to mind your words, unless you want her to have a similar fate like the rest of your kin”. Verdandi reminded Hel that they could tamper with fate how they saw fit, so it was wise no to offend them so they would be on her side.

Hel took a breath and swallowed her anger.

“Forgive me… I am scared. I don’t know what to do to protect her”.

The sisters softened at Hel’s turmoil. Skuld and Verdandi went back to their places, resuming their work, Urd picked the baby up from the crib and gave her back to her mother.

“You already know what you have to do to protect her, your child is not safe. She is in a very precarious situation. There is only one place were Odin, and Loki, might not find her that easily; your powers will be useful for that. Not to mention your love for her, that’s your greatest weapon against everyone that comes to harm her”.

***

After leaving the sisters Hel realized that she needed to act fast. It was only a matter of time for everyone in the Nine Worlds to find out about her daughter's existence; she had cast an invisibility spell on the baby to prevent Odin from seeing her in his dreams but that wouldn’t last forever. Loki was still bound inside of a cave for what he did to Baldr, but the fates had mentioned him and that didn’t surprise her; the gods didn’t understand the full extent of Loki’s powers; bound to a cave with a venom serpent over his head was not enough to contain him. She knew the place that the sisters meant, the one were her daughter would be safer: Midgard. The world of the mortals had changed and with it also Odin’s ability to see everything there; mortals moved faster in comparison to the old days. A lot of things were happening at the same time in Midgard, it was hard for the All Father to keep his eye on them.

Hel was dreading this, to let the father know of the existence of their child, but she didn’t trust anyone else with her daughter’s safety. She had seen his heart, he was a good person; still, she knew that she was asking for too much. They had been together only once and he was young, clearly not ready to be a father. She had to try though; and if he refused, well, she could force him to do it, but she didn't want to do that, because she wanted her child to be loved. Hel's mother loved her, she loved all her children, but not Loki, he didn't know how to love anyone. She wouldn't let her child to be with an unloving father, that wound never heales. So if he refused, she would find someone else to take care of her child. There was no other way.

***

The father’s name was Ciaran, little dark one. He didn’t usually have nice dreams, he always dreamed of unpleasant or strange situations that left him feeling confused or disturbed. However, this dream was extremely different. He was in a place surrounded by rocky cliffs enveloped in green foliage; there were rows and rows of mountains surrounding the land like a belt or a fortress. The wind was cold but it wasn’t unbearable and even though they were near the sea the wind was dry, it could burn your skin. The land had also sterile patches; this place was a harsh one. He heard a surge of water, even though he was now far from the sea, he thought it was a waterfall but the sound was inconsistent; it was a geyser, there were hot springs too. Amazed, he touched the water, warm, it felt so real. He wished he could stayed there forever. Just when he thought that this place couldn’t mesmerized him more, he saw a volcano, and it was not dormant, smoke came out of it.

He loved this place, wherever it was, and he knew it was real, it had to; he didn’t think his imagination as vivid as it was could produce such a place. His favorite part was the beach, with its soft black sand; he sat there for a long time, seeing the waves come and go, breathing the sea breeze. He felt in so much peace.

Hel had been watching this whole time. She was the one who orchestrated this dream; Iceland had always had a calming effect on her, she hoped that he would feel the same way. She felt guilty, she was about to ruin his good spirits. Ciaran heard footsteps, when he turned he found the most beautiful woman in the world. Sigrid, the lovely Sigrid. He laughed when he saw how she was dressed: A long emerald gown with gold and silver embroidery, a black fur cloak as long as her gown fastened with a small gold chain, a copper choker of a snake that ate its own tail around her neck, her impossibly long hair was braided and on top of her head was a crown made of bones and stones. Now, his dream was getting more usual: Nonsensical.

“What’s so funny?” Hel asked, teasingly.

“Nothing… I’m just being silly”.

They didn’t say anything, they just looked at one another.

“You look beautiful, Sigrid”.

“Thank you. Do you like this place?”

“I do, I have no idea where I am but I love it”.

Hel stood beside him and scooped some of the sand in her hands.

“It’s called Reynisfjara beach”.

Ciaran’s eyebrows shot up to the top of his forehead.

“The what?”

Hel chuckled.

“If it’s better, you may say that you’re in Iceland”.

“Really?” Ciaran asked.

“Yes”.

This was a dream, he knew it; but if that was true then why did everything felt so real. The sand that he took form Sigrid’s hands, the smell of salt, the cold wind on his skin, and her. Specially her. It was just as the last time, so natural and effortless. As if to prove himself that she was in fact real, he cupped her left cheek; being in the land of dreams made him bold. She just stood still.

“Where did you go, Sigrid?”

How she wished that she was Sigrid, that she was a normal human woman that could venture to have a relationship with him. Hear him sing his beautiful songs with his lovely voice and caress his skin to sooth away all of his sorrows. But she wasn’t Sigrid and she’ll never be, and there were more important things to talk about right now.

“My name is not Sigrid, I’m not who you think I am”. She removed his hand off her cheek and took a few steps back. Closing her eyes, she let her glamour drop.

She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes right away, so she listened. For a long moment he held his breath, he didn’t move, but his heartbeat sped up. When she finally opened them she saw him with his mouth agape and his eyes looked as if they were about to pop out of their sockets. He backed away from her in horror. If you asked anyone, they would tell you that Hel had no heart, because it was in her corpse side, she couldn’t feel anything there. That was not true, in that moment she could feel her heart breaking. Not wanting to hear hateful words from his mouth she broke the silence.

“I am sorry for deceiving you, I promise you I meant no harm. My name is Hel, Norse goddess of the Underworld, of Helheim, daughter of Loki and Angrboda. And I need your help”.

Ciaran looked at her with suspicion but also with interest, when they met he had known that something was different about her, now he knew what was it. She turned so her right side faced him maybe that would make things easier for him. He came closer and turned her so he could see her completely. Hel hated to feel evaluated, normally she would punish on the spot anyone that dared to looked at her like this; still, she let him, she owed him this much. He put both of his trembling hands on both sides of her face, the corpse side didn’t feel as he thought it would; the flesh didn’t come off at his touch, there was no stench, in fact, she smelled sweet, too sweet, it was hard to describe. The air around her was colder and her right side felt unnaturally soft.

“Is this not a dream?” He asked still holding her.

“It is, I used magic to enter your dreams. I brought you here because I love this place, it soothes me. I hoped that it would do the same to you, that made easier what I’m about to tell you”.

“There’s more?”

Hel removed her cloak, revealing that she had been carrying a baby in her arms this whole time. Ciaran looked at the baby and then at Hel, comprehension slowly making way to his mind. He opened his mouth but nothing came out, he just looked at the baby.

“I thought that I couldn’t have children, I had been sleeping with mortal men for centuries and nothing ever happened. I don’t know why it was different with you”.

Ciaran didn’t know what to do. Maybe Hel was being manipulative, she took the opportunity to put the baby over his chest, and luckily he took her, maybe more as a reflex than a conscious move.

“She is in danger. She needs to hide from the other gods and from my father, I talked to the fates before coming to you. Our daughter is meant to bring balance when the end of the world comes; she is not like any demigod that’s ever existed. She will be hunt down if we don’t hid her from them”.

“Did you just say the end of the world?!”

“I know it’s a lot to take. But if you accept to be her guardian I will help you; I will be watching over you both, I will instruct you, my treasure is more abundant than the one that Odin keeps in his halls, I will provide for you. Anything you need”.

Ciaran shook his head, this didn’t make any sense. He was just a regular guy, how in the world was he going to be able to protect a demigoddess?

“I don’t… how will I…” Then the baby opened her eyes. She had his mother’s eyes, his eyes. Fatherhood and motherhood were supposed to be different, or so he was told. Fathers were supposed to take more time to feel a bond with their children, it was normal. But now holding this baby, he felt it, he felt that bond. This was his baby and he was her father, he was certain.

“What’s her name?”

“I haven’t named her. I was hoping you would choose a name for her”.

“I always liked the name Felicity for a girl”.

Felicity meant happiness and joy, everything that Hel was not. It was perfect.

“I love it”.

Ciaran smiled and touched Felicity’s little face.

“Ciaran, do you think you can love her? I want her to be loved not just protected. Do you think you can love her as her father?”

“I already do”. And by the gods he did. It was insane but it was true.

“I’m going to need your help, Hel. You will have to teach me, I don’t understand anything that’s happening and I don’t know how I’ll protect her from gods and such”.

“I will, no matter what. I swear”. Said Hel fiercely. She put on her cloak and took Felicity, hiding her once more.

“It’s not dawn yet in London, go back to sleep, Felicity will be there in the morning. I need to say goodbye first”.

Ciaran nodded, he doubted that he could go back to sleep, but Hel made sure of that with a sleeping spell. He would need all the rest he could get.

***

Back at Helheim, Hel asked her mother and her servants Ganglati and Ganglöt to go to her treasure hall and gather enough jewels and valuable trinkets to secure a substantial income for a year. Angrboda took a look at her daughter and understood what she was about to do; it pained her, but it was the right thing. She kissed Hel and left, Ganglati and Ganglöt behind her, moving at the speed of a snail. Hel adverted her eyes elsewhere and when she looked back at where the siblings were they were gone; most likely, they were already at the hall waiting for Angrboda. They were one of Helheim’s greatest mysteries, to this day Hel doesn’t know where they come from or why they move so slowly as long as they are being watched.

She sat on her bed, Sick-bed, the very same bed where Felicity was born. She retrieved a silver pendant of a rune from a jewelry box. She dangled it over Felicity’s head, the pendant catching the light of the fires illuminating the room, her little brown eyes following it.

“This is the Hagalaz rune; it’s a rune that is associated with me. It represents the wrath of nature, destruction, trials and testing and crisis that leads to completion. If anything the fates said is true then it represents you well, my love… a god cannot always be everywhere at once, I certainly can’t; this pendant will be my eyes and ears, as long as you wear it I’ll be able to know where you are and if you need my assistance. Never take it off”.

Hel chanted the incantation necessary to bind herself to the pendant, green light poured out of her hand and danced around the pendant settling in the rune. Felicity watched everything with a serene expression, as if magic was already normal to her, as if she hadn’t been born a few days ago.

“Felicity, if only I could let you know how much this hurts me. I dreamed of you for so long, forgive me. This is not what I wanted for you, for the both of us… I don’t know what your father will tell you about me, but rest assured your mother loves you, and I am willing to tear everything apart for you”.

***

Ciaran woke up in the morning feeling rested; it had been a while since he had slept so well. He stretched and savored the feeling before remembering everything. He stood up and looked around his room, and there she was. Felicity, his daughter. A bag was next to her basket on the floor, he knelt and peeked at the basket, she was awake, and in her tiny fist she was holding something, he took a closer look and saw that it was a necklace, a pendant of a rune. Even he had heard of runes, and he knew that this was meant for Felicity to have. He opened the bag and found jewels, golden coins and precious stones, Hel wasn’t kidding when she said that she had treasure. Now it felt truly real. The dream that Hel had called upon felt real enough, but now it had materialized. Last night he was a musician that worked odd jobs to get by and was content with being aimless, and now, he was a father, a father of a demigoddess. Hel had not been very specific about the dangers that followed Felicity, and now him he supposed; how was he going to explain this to his parents? To his friends, he needed help, he had to go back to Ireland. This was not going to be easy, even with Hel’s help and support, but he was up for it. Whatever was coming he would face it, he would be there for his daughter just like his parents were there for him no matter what.

***

Verdandi saw everything as it was happening. Hel resumed her role as the queen of the Underworld, pretending that her heart and mind were there, Loki was struggling and raging in his bonds and Odin was vigilant as always, but still unaware of the existence of Felicity. The father was preparing to go back to his homeland with his kin. He didn’t know what awaited them. Not even her and her sisters knew for sure. The pieces on the board that was Ragnarök were scrambled. Some of the pieces were still set in their rightful place: Fenrir was still going to kill Odin and Odin would kill him in return, Thor and Frey would perish as well, and so would Loki. Hel’s role was still unchanged; she would provide her father with an army of the dead but it seemed that the rest was up to her. After Ragnarök the world will be reborn, a new order will come; that’s were Felicty’s part comes in to action. She will either lead the gods in this new world or she will return to the giants what was taken away from them so long ago, as their ruler. Why was she the one bestowed with so much power? Simple, this girl had inherited the power of Ymir. Everything came from Ymir; the giants, the world as we know it, and even the gods. Odin and his brothers had killed Ymir, little did they know that had Ymir wanted to they could have killed them in the blink of an eye. They were nothing compared to Ymir, but Ymir had chosen to sacrifice themselves so marvelous things were born. Ymir was great, and the greatest thing about they was the purity of their heart. But Felicity was not Ymir, and it was yet to be seen if she possessed the same purity of heart. None of this worried Verdandi, whatever this girl happened to decide to do with her power was… unimportant. As long as the outcome was unchanged, the rest didn’t matter.

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT

Yes it’s true - the only things I’ve been watching lately are prestige TV shows starring women with bad red wigs. I’ll get back to movies someday!! In the meantime, I finally watched all of this miniseries that has Netflix and the world aflame with love - and I am aflame too....WITH HATRED OF ALL OF THESE WIGS!!! I have so much to discuss with this show, y’all. A friend of mine (who hasn’t watched this show yet) probably said it best when he told me he thought the wigs in this show were supposed to be wigs WITHIN the narrative of the show (and therefore allowed to be bad): “wait I thought this was about a chess spy - that’s supposed to be her real hair? NO” INDEED!!! Let’s take it episode by episode (SPOILERS ABOUND) and DISCUSS.

Episode 1 - Openings

We begin in Paris, 1967. Beth Harmon, chess champion (?) awakens in a bath of ice (?) in the dark of her hotel room, clearly hung over or maybe still drunk. Her red ‘60s flip wig looks like HELL as does she, so...ok I guess this bad wig wurqs...for now. She sits herself down to play CHESS!! This whole show is about chess, obviously, and everyone is just mad about chess now! I am mad, too, because the show does not make chess seem interesting or sexy and I still hate it. 

Anyway, we rewind about 10 (?) years to a young Beth Harmon, who is suddenly orphaned after her mom definitely commits suicide via car accident. Her mom has super short bangs and cries a lot. We see some even further flashbacks to an even younger Beth IN THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS BABY WIG (MORE ON THAT LATER). We learn that her mom is very unhinged, but also probably brilliant, as Beth herself will become later. LET’S HOPE SHE NEVER GETS HER DRIVER’S LICENCE (note: she never does?)

Apparently the mid to late ‘50s were all about very VERY short bangs, and on this non-wigged little girl I guess that is fine.

BUT THEN! She is brought to an orphanage where they burn her old clothes (YES REALLY!) and cut her hair into a bob (the kid’s actual hair so again - ok!) and also give her and all the other girls constant drugs! The 1950s were really wild, amiright? If I have learned anything from movies set at orphanages in the 50s, drug abuse was the main issue (the only movie I’m referring to is obviously The Cider House Rules and the only thing I remember about that movie is that Michael Caine had an ether addiction). Anyway, the sedative drugs make her immediately put her hand on a hot radiator (safety first, orphanage!) 

She also makes friends with an older girl named Jolene (I LOVE THE NAME) who teachers her to save the sedative drugs for nighttime when they can help her sleep. Great advice, Jolene! Also: there is absolutely no way that African American Jolene would be in an integrated orphanage in mid-50s KENTUCKY but this is just the beginning of issues I have with this series......

Moving on! In avoiding the orphanage’s weird insistence on Jesusy choir practice, she discovers the basement realm of janitor Bill Camp, who never actually does any janitorial work (that I could see?) but definitely plays a lot of chess. And thus, her chess obsession begins! This is also helped by those sedatives she takes every night which give her really absurd chess hallucinations on the ceiling. This orphanage has it all!

Essentially, this miniseries is Valley of the Dolls if those characters got addicted to both pills and chess at the age of 9. Beth gets very VERY good at chess and some rando chess guy from the local high school comes and gives Beth a doll (BETH HATES THE DOLL BUT LOVES DOLLS DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE). And she goes to the high school and plays a bunch of terrible high school boys at chess simultaneously and beats them all. Also: the orphanage suddenly gets in trouble for giving sedatives to small children for years and Beth is PISSED. She goes through withdrawal and years for the big ol’ jar o’ pills!!!

AND THEN! During a kind of Jesusy film presentation, Beth sneaks away to the orphanage pharmacy and just goes hog wild on the pills! TRULY: Valley of the Dolls has nothing on this sequence. 

Obviously, Beth is caught pill-handed and she also spills all the pills, breaks a giant glass jar, and then falls onto both of them. SHE IS 9. I THINK I LOVE THIS SHOW.

Episode 2: Exchanges

So after Beth’s completely insane pill odyssey, she is punished by being forbidden to play chess! Fast forward an indeterminate number of years, and we meet a slightly older Beth (now played by the bewigged Anya Taylor-Joy). AND THIS WIG, Y’ALL. WOOF. Completely dried out and bent, it really makes you appreciate the fact that they just cut the younger Beth’s hair. I realize that Anya is going to go through many 50s and 60s hairstyles to come but I really wish they had just done the same and used her real hair because we are about to take a bad wig odyssey that will last throughout this series. Also! I love that Jolene is played by the same actress! How old is too old to be in an orphanage?

Speaking of age! Beth is apparently now 15 but when a super weird couple expresses interest in adopting her, the orphanage director lady lies and says Beth is 13 and everyone just goes with it....FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES. Seriously, this age difference is never ever visited again or challenged. Beth is basically 15-17 for at least 5 years and no one gives a shit. OK? Anyway, Beth is adopted by Marielle friggin Heller (aka director of Can You Ever Forgive Me? and A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood) who has a very Mamie Eisenhower wig which is just fine compared to the bent and dry-ass mess on Anya’s head.

It is later revealed that Marielle adopted Beth because her husband is mainly away on business and she needs an older gal pal around to fetch her....sedatives from the magazine store! I wonder if Beth will totally get addicted to them again! I’m no chess player but you can absolutely predict plot devices in this series about two pawns away (is that a chess term? I still don’t know or care!) 

So yes: as predicted Beth absolutely gets addicted to sedatives again (also the specific sedatives she gets addicted to are the exact same ones she was addicted to at the orphanage - WHAT A COINCIDENCE! - and also they are made up sedatives for the purposes of this show only in case we all want to get the same magical chess sedatives and see chess on the ceiling too). ALSO! Beth is still mainly addicted to chess despite the fact that she was permitted from playing it for the last 5-7 years (depending on what version of her age you’re going on?) but still is good at it? Most upsetting: she rips apart her lovely bed canopy in order to see her ceiling chess hallucinations! THE NERVE OF THIS KID!

Also nervy: bitch totally stole chess magazines from the pharmacy when she was also stealing sedatives from her adoptive mom! Kleptomania is Beth’s #3 addiction after chess and pills also comes into play when it is revealed that her new adoptive mom is kinda poor since her husband is away all the time and doesn’t give her enough money so Beth can’t enter those chess tournaments she read about in the magazines she stole. SO she writes to janitor Bill Camp and asks for $5 to enter the chess thing and if she wins she’ll send him $10. THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PLOT POINT WHICH WILL COME INTO PLAY LATER. So Beth goes to the chess tournament where she meets some not handsome twin dudes and a very handsome other dude named Townes.

Basically all the chess dudes at this tourney suck in the same way? To be fair: if I saw Beth walking up in her ugly orphanage clothes and orphanage cut wig, I would think she sucked at chess too? Oh also - all the girls at her new high school also think her style sucks. I WONDER IF IN COMING EPISODES SHE WILL GAIN MORE STYLE AND CHESS FAME THAN ALL THESE GARBAGE PEOPLE. Spoiler: she does and also beats this dude named Harry and becomes the Kentucky chess champion. Also! Beth’s adoptive dad totally abandons her and Marielle Heller!  I still hate chess but will continue to watch this show because of its haunting wigs and lowgrade feminist vibe.

Episode 3: Doubled Pawns

This episode begins with a flashback to Beth’s shitty birth mother and her shitty banged wig and remember that time I said I was going to talk about the wig on the littlest girl who plays her? WELL HERE WE ARE. Baby Beth has the absolute WORST WIG ON THIS SHOW and given how terrible all the wigs are, that is saying a lot. This wig looks like it was ripped off an American Girl doll which had been mistreated for years and thrown of a jungle gym or something. IT IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST (as is her mom, who makes this poor kid believe she had drowned!!!) 

ANYWAY. We get a new wig in this episode!!! Beth manages to grow out her orphanage bangs and allow her hair to have a 50s wave bob. Do not be fooled by the higher quality of this cut, however - the quality of the WIG continues to very much suck! WHAT IS THIS HAIR PART! No hair underneath! And everything is still a dried out, bent mess! ALSO HER ROOTS ARE A NIGHTMARE. This is also the episode wherein Marielle Heller basically becomes Mama Rose to Beth and really gets into Beth supporting both of them via chess winnings and becomes her chess manager (ACTUAL JOB TITLE). Also Beth gets nicer clothing. Hilariously, Marielle tells Beth’s high school that Beth is just constantly sick so she can skip school to go to chess tournaments even though Beth is straight up on the cover of Life magazine?! I wonder if this will at all come to the attention of the high school - IT DOESN’T! PLOT HOLES BE DAMNED THIS SHOW IS ABOUT CHESS! She does go to high school long enough for the snobby girls who once made fun of her to invite her to the dumbest party ever where they just sit around and ask Beth dumb questions about Chess fame and then all have a sing-along to a song Beth doesn’t know because she has no idea what pop culture is: ONLY CHESS CULTURE. I watched this show with my mom and asked if ‘60s parties were like this and she laughed her head off and said NO. ALSO! Beth’s kleptomania comes into play at this party where she steals a bottle of gin and leaves without saying goodbye to anyone. WHAT A BITCH.

Speaking of bitches, Beth meets a new chess diva in the form of Love Actually’s resident child drum prodigy! He has a character name but whatever: Love Actually is his name and he has longish shaggy (non wigged) hair and dresses like Crocodile Dundee and is loved and feared in the chess community for being such a non-nerd (?) chess player. I asked my mom if anyone dressed like this in the ‘60s and she said “NO! But I guess I didn’t know everyone” WHICH IS A GREAT ANSWER BECAUSE MY MOM DIDN’T RUN IN WEIRD CHESS CIRCLES IN THE ‘60s. We are lead to believe the ‘60s chess community of weirdos consists of the same 5 rotating dudes who are all at the same chess tournaments always and also possible love interests for Beth and she’s better at chess than all of them.

The only weirdo chess dude that Beth cares about is Townes, who you may recall from the last episode in which he was the only attractive chess dude at that first chess tournament Beth went to with borrowed Bill Camp money. Anyway, she runs into him at some chess tournament (LIKE I REMEMBER WHICH ONE PLEASE) in Las Vegas where he is now a chess reporter (ACTUAL 1960s JOB, Y’ALL). He invites Beth back to his hotel boudoir where he takes some non-boudoir pictures of her playing chess and Beth is all aflutter with chess love but SUCK IT BETH, TOWNES IS GAY!!! I have to say that the only believable part of this show is that the only attractive chess dude would be homosexual. It still does not forgive any of the other plot nonsense.

SO! It’s still the big Vegas chess tournament which is super duper important-chess wise (though this show also makes it seem like every chess game IS THE MOST IMPORTANT so who is to say?) Anyway, Beth and her 50s wave wig (even though it is the 60s?) play Love Actually and....they both win? I didn’t know this was a chess pastability but ok? Beth is pissed that she didn’t beat Love Actually, I hope I never have to see him again (SPOILER HE’S IN MANY MORE EPISODES AND HAD I KNOWN THAT MAYBE I WOULD HAVE STOPPED WATCHING NOW BUT I DIDN’T!) 

Episode 4: Middle Game

We are still stuck with this weird ‘50s bob in this episode. IT STILL LOOKS BAD. New developments are: Beth is taking night classes at the local college (even though she is technically still in high school?) in order to learn Russian to better understand people who are more obsessed with chess than she is: Russians. Anyway, he ends up going to the most wild and stereotypical hippie party with a college dude after class and yep - loses her virginity to him. Ok? At least it wasn’t to a chess weirdo? She also stays behind and parties and drinks alone in the hippie apartment because of all her substance addiction and kleptomania. Also! She graduates from high school despite being 2 years too old for high school (a plot point never explained) and missing all that high school for chess tourneys (another plot point never explained!) OH WELL: CHESS! 

Beth and Marielle go to Mexico City for some chess tournament (AGAIN I COULDN’T TELL YOU WHICH ONE). Marielle is excited because she is pen pals (OMG THE 60s Y’ALL) with some Mexican weirdo who I definitely feared would steal all the chess winnings but then ultimately just sucks in the same way the adoptive dad did. Beth also runs into those chess twin weirdos because the chess community is comprised of only 5 dudes as I said. Their hair looks bad but not as bad as her wig. 

Beth doesn’t see much of Mexico City - nor do we unless you count a truly outrageous sequence in which Beth and Marielle go out on their hotel balcony and look into a green screen rendering of Mexico City that would have felt at home in CGI ghostmare, Bohemian Rhapsody. Anyway, Beth and her olde timey 1950s wig which is spending way too much time in the 60s even though she’s supposed to be stylish now, take a lot of chess baths while Marielle drinks a lot because that Mexican pen pal/boyfriend sucks so bad.

So Beth wins enough chess to play Borgov, who we are led to believe is the Russian white whale/Bond villain of the chess community and LOSES! She is pretty pissed about it but not as pissed as...

....coming back to the hotel room to discover Marielle Heller and her luscious Mamie Eisenhower wig DEAD. TWICE AN ORPHAN, Y’ALL. Mexican coroners tell Beth that her mom died of hepatitis (!!!) and Beth somehow implicates low quality tequila in this hepatitis death. I LEGITIMATELY GOOGLED ‘DOES TEQUILA GIVE YOU HEPATITIS’ IMMEDIATELY. I DON’T THINK IT DOES?!?!?! THIS SHOW IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND YES I WILL CONTINUE WATCHING IT DESPITE THE TERRIBLE WIGS AND MY HATRED OF CHESS.

Episode 5: Fork

Beth returns to Kentucky IN THE RAIN BECAUSE TV AND MOVIE DEATHS ARE ALWAYS ACCOMPANIED BY RAIN. She is about to be super lonely in the house she know owns (according to a super sketchy international phone call with her adoptive father which will definitely not hold up in court) and then...she gets a call from Harry! WHO THE EFF IS HARRY! Again, luckily, there are only 5 chess guys who need to remember and he is one of them (he is the one she beat for the Kentucky chess whatever in episode 2). She invites him over because she’s lonely!

Harry is definitely the saddest of the weirdo chess dudes because apparently he’s been harboring a secret love of Beth (who at the time of their first meeting was like 13-15 depending on what timeline you’re going on and he was...20? OK GROSS BUT OK). BITCH EVEN GOT HIS WEIRD TEETH FIXED SO HE COULD BE LOVED BY BETH AND HER BENT ASS WIG AND SERIOUSLY NO THANK YOU HARRY. Regardless, Beth lets Harry have sex with her a few times and live rent-free in her house and ultimately Harry gets enough self confidence to leave this effed up living situation since he will never be one of Beth’s obsessions (which are still: chess, pills/alcohol, stealing shit). 

So Beth goes to Ohio for some other chess tournament and reunites with UGH Love Actually. At this point in the show, Beth starts wearing long scarves as headbands and her wig has never looked better because most of it is covered by the scarf. THANK GOD. So Love Actually totally chess hustles Beth for a lot of coin playing speed chess (DEAR GOD WHY HAVE I BEEN FORCED TO LEARN WHAT SPEED CHESS IS) but in the end, she still beats him for the chess title. EFF YOU, Love Actually! May I never see you again! OH SHIT HE JUST INVITED HER TO  NEW YORK TO TRAIN HER FOR THE PARIS CHESS THING DEAR GOD WHY IS THERE SO MUCH LOVE ACTUALLY IN THIS SHOW OK FINE I’LL STILL WATCH IT.

Episode 6 - Adjournment

Ok so Beth and her ok wig that is mainly covered by a scarf go to Love Actually’s apartment in NYC which IS AN UNDERGROUND BUNKER AND SHE HAS TO SLEEP ON A BLOW UP MATTRESS. Again and for the millionth time: Love Actually is the worst! Especially the worst because he introduces her to all these rando bohemians he knows, including some French bitch who will definitely eff everything up when Beth is already teetering on her pill/alcohol obsession and should probably not meet any other enablers. Somehow, he does get her to quit the pills/alcohol long enough to have sex with him (UGH).

And so we are in Paris, 1967. Where we started the show with Beth’s awful 60s flip! AND WE MEET ANOTHER PLOTHOLE. Only a week before this, Beth was in NYC with hair about 3″ shorter and still wearing scarves in her hair. WHAT IN THE VERY HELL, SHOW! I realize that this show has a very vague sense of time or how old Beth is or whatever but truly: NOPE. 

Anyway, it’s the night before the big match against Borgov and Beth is on her very best behavior when who should ring her up but that French bitch Love Actually introduced her to! She is downstairs at the hotel bar and just come down and have one drink and don’t ruin your entire chess career, mmmkay? THIS ENABLING BITCH!!!! NEVER TRUST ANYONE WITH THIS CRYING GAME WIG UNLESS YOU WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE A CRYING GAME. Of course, Beth goes downstairs, drinks every drink in the bar, has sex with some rando French dude and...wakes up in the icebath we see at the beginning of the show and sweatily plays Borgov in her wig that has never looked frizzier, loses, and is shamed from the entire chess community. Also Love Actually wants Beth to come back to NYC but NO THANK YOU TO YOU AND YOUR BUNKER OF ENABLERS.

Back in Kentucky, Beth....is shown learning how to flip her hair. WAIT WHAT SHE ALREADY HAD A FLIP HAIRSTYLE THE ENTIRE TIME IN PARIS WHAT KIND OF WIG GASLIGHTING ARE YOU PLAYING, SHOW?!?!?!??!?!?!!

UGH anyway, with THE EXACT SAME FLIP WIG AS WE’VE SEEN HER IN, Beth tries to be a responsible young person of indeterminate age who owns a house in Kentucky and not drink or take pills or steal shit. EXCEPT remember that time her adoptive dad said she could just have the house if she paid the mortgage? WELL BITCH SHOWS UP AND J’ACCUSES HER OF STEALING THE HOUSE FROM HIM. Which is hilarious because of all the things she stolen in this show, the house wasn’t one of them. In any case, she buys the house! And takes herself out to dinner! And has a drink! AND UH OH.

At this point the show just goes completely off the rails in addictive nonsense. Beth just goes around the house in her terrible flip wig applying makeup and barfing in to chess trophies. It’s every stereotypical drug/alcohol scene from every biopic ever except this chick doesn’t really exist and this show is wearing on my nerves and Beth has to stop making so many terrible live decisions and this wig has BETTER GET BETTER.

And then magically - Jolene shows up in the most fabulous afro wig!! WHAT! OK I WILL WATCH THE BITTER CONCLUSION OF THIS SERIES BECAUSE I LOVE JOLENE.

Episode 7: End Game

Jolene...Jolene....Jolene. Jolene. I love Jolene. I don’t love that this show uses her by making her be the “magical negro” trope who helps Beth get her life back together. Predictable nonsense! So yes, Jolene looks around Beth’s ramshackle drug den and tells her to get her life back together. AND THEN BETH DOES. No AA or rehab required! WHAT! I really appreciate that Jolene also compares her to Susan Hayward (star of Valley of the Dolls!) which is the sick burn/comparison I needed. 

The other reason Jolene showed up was to bring Beth to janitor Bill Camp’s funeral. At the funeral, which is very poorly attended, Beth reveals THAT SHE NEVER PAID BILL CAMP THAT $5 HE LENT HER (AND $10 SHE PROMISED HIM) AT THE BEGINNING OF HER CHESS CAREER. WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. It is at this point that I fully decided that I wanted Beth to fail at everything because she is a garbage person who never gave propers to Bill Camp for changing her life for the better. THIS BITCH!! She even goes back to the orphanage where she discovers Bill Camp’s CHESS SHRINE DEVOTED TO HER! SHE FEELS LIKE SHIT AS WELL SHE SHOULD! I FULLY HATE HER!!!!

Jolene is much more forgiving of Beth than me and also introduces Beth to a new obsession: squash! Ok? It does allow Beth to wear a headband which is great wig-wise (in that it hides all the seamwork). Beth also turns down these Jesusy people who want to fund her chess trip to Russia and so Jolene GIVES HER $3,000 TO GO TO RUSSIA. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I’VE LEARNED IN THE LAST 5 MINUTES OF THIS SHOW IT IS THAT BETH WILL NOT PAY THAT MONEY BACK AND JOLENE PLEASE DO NOT!!!!

Jolene does. Beth goes to Russia which is straight out of every Bond movie and gets her shit together and wins a lot of damn chess. 

Though her midweight coat game rivals that of Nicole Kidman in The Undoing, her wig game ALSO RIVALS THAT OF NICOLE KIDMAN IN THE UNDOING IN THAT IT IS ALSO A RED NIGHTMARE WIG. This show spent so much goddamned money on clothes, sets, and CGI greenscreens of Mexico City AND YET NO MONEY FOR WIGS. BOO.

I did enjoy this one chess opponent’s walrus hair but otherwise, Beth’s flip wig has absolutely overstayed its welcome and is a compete and utter bent nightmare. Also! Remember that one hot chess dude? He shows up and helps Beth with Chess!! HUH?

Also every single weirdo in the chess community somehow form a chess calming circle in Love Actually’s bunker apartment and call Beth internationally to help her win against Borgov at chess! WHAT IN THE DAMN HELL? It is sweet I guess, but also makes ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING SENSE AS BETH WAS A TOTAL ASSHOLE TO ALL THESE PEOPLE AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE A PART OF THEIR WEIRD CHESS GANG.

Ultimately, Beth beats Borgov and wears THIS FUCKING HAT. I think we’re supposed to believe that she is now the white queen chess piece (I HATE THAT I NOW KNOW CHESS PIECES).

She is actually dressed in head to toe white and somehow convinces her American handler that she will just walk...to the airport? And despite being invited to the Johnson White House (girl go there!) would rather just wander the streets of Russia without any purse or luggage or way of getting home. THIS BITCH. She finds a new chess community of old men who play chess outside at folding tables and decides to join them WITHOUT GOING HOME TO PAY JOLENE ALL HER MONEY BACK WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY WHAT SHE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT AND ALSO MAYBE SETTING UP A BILL CAMP CHESS FOUNDATION BECAUSE YOU NEVER PAID HIM BACK YOU PIECE OF SHIT. No, she is no longer addicted to pills, alcohol, or stealing but is absolutely addicted to chess on a level that is probably lethal. I spent the last moments of the show demanding that the Russian chess hobos murder her and her immaculate white outfit because BETH IS A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND ALL HER WIGS ARE GARBAGE LIKE HER!!!!

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

[tvdversefanfiction]

The Originals 30 Day Challenge, Done in 1 day.

I love all of these 30 day challenge pics/posts/quests but I never have the patience to do it over 30 whole days, so instead I do them in one sitting, one go. 

MY TVD 30 DAY CHALLENGE HERE

Feel free to comment your own opinions about The Vampire Diaries spin-off The Originals, whether it’s your favorite show within the TVDverse like myself or whether you just love it as much as I also love the other two shows TVD and Legacies, Legacies will have its own 30 day challenge soon enough too...

Feel free to answer these too, copy, paste it, like I have and do it for yourself...

1 - If you follow this post, or read any of my TO fanfiction it will come as no surprise to anyone that I’m in love with and very obssesed with Klaus Mikaelson, he will always be my king.

2 - Rebekah Mikaelson, she’s so badass yet has this softness that makes her so compelling at the same time, I worship this queen and often wonder what this show would have looked like if she remained a main star for all of its five season run.

3 - Making me choose between the love of my life Klaus, and the icon that is Rebekah is hard...so hard but I have to go with Rebekah on the grounds that when he hurts Rebekah in any way I’m always mad like no, not my Rebekah, whereas when its the other way around I’m normally like yeah he deserved that from her...Rebekah is the fictional bestfriend of my life and Klaus is the husband, and friends always come before men - side not this very answer will later be used on record when I find myself in an asylum one day lol

4 - I’d have to go with either Marcellus or Inadu, although Marcel is beyond irritating to me throughout most of his run I can’t argue his reasons for being annoying are somewhat justifiable especially after Davina’s death in season 3 :( so I’d say I hated Inadu the most, purely because the character in itself was so wasted, so stale, and a dud to be honest...I was hoping for more with the hollow arc but I’ll get to that later on no doubt.

5 - Season 1 Episode 16, Farewell to Storyville, Season 1 in general was one of the strongest debut seasons for any shows I’ve ever watched, if not the strongest! I loved Rebekah and Klaus’ bond most out of the siblings and although Klaus spends most of the episode trying to kill her and it involves Rebekah leaving as a main character...this has got to be the juiciest exploration of their relationship - also side note young Elijah should have left young Rebekah kill Mikael, just saying...

6 - I could put the entirety of Season 5 in here, minus all the epicness of all the Klaroline scenes and Hayley’s badass death...but to pick one episode out it would have to be the finale “When the saints go marching in” because it just felt like they had spent that season killing off characters who were least likely to appear in Legacies (which pissed me off), also I wanted Klaroline to be endgame and Julie Plec’s response to not doing that because of Steroline, a ship that always felt like Caroline was second place and that queen should be always be 1st. 

I did not like that Klaus and Elijah died, which reminded me visually of that Avengers scene, which made no sense as we have seen originals die before and not once did it go down like that!

And even if I could forgive them for that I was rather pissed we saw no after life, even a Elijah and Hayley dance in the afterlife would have been appreciated...

I’m also always a little bittersweet when folk from the pilot don’t show up in the last episode, would have loved to seen more of Davina in general over seasons 4 and 5.  (Rant over)

7 - Try not to pick a Klaroline scene...never mind, when Caroline first appears, pinning Klaus up against the wall and saying something along the lines of try picking on someone your own size, or the swoony moment in Mystic Falls where she tells him he was never the villain in his story, or again the swoony moment when their road tripping and trying to find Hope... but non Klaroline scenes which were epic, Davina going up against Klaus with the harvest power inside of her, Lucien going upgraded original and taking them all on, Dahlia’s entire arc, the finales of 1,2, 3, and 4 and last but definitely not least kid Hope’s entire arc, what a magnificent actress Summer Fontana is, a star in the making *

8 - “ We are the strongest creatures in the world, and yet we're damaged beyond repair. We lived without hope, but we will never die. We are the definition of cursed, always and forever.” said by Rebekah Mikaelson, all of the Mikaelson’s had epic quotes, this show, and it’s predecessor TVD have so many amazing quotes <3

9 - Klaus handing baby Hope over to Rebekah, trusting her above all others, and any scenes where Klaus, Hayley, Rebekah, Elijah and Kol have with baby Hope as well as kid hope - broody moments lol

10 - Josh’s death, I had feared his death every goddamn season especially knowing Julie Plec wanted him killed in the very first season :( however after being made a regular in the finale season I had hopes for him making it out alive and perhaps showing up in Legacies in a more prominent role as a teacher for the vamp kids or something...but no that woman just had to finish off her hit...nothing breaks me more than his death! Although, reuniting with Aiden in the afterlife gives me small comfort, Aiden’s was another’s death that was so sad!

11 - Kid Hope putting people in their place like Marcel, and even Davina (who I worship), I just loved this little badass kid going about like a little queen from the get go...Danielle Rose Russell had and still has very big shoes to fill IMO

12 - Freya and Elijah condemning Davina to the ancestors, or Elijah who was supposed to love Marcel like a son ripping out Marcel’s heart. A lot of season 4 Elijah annoyed me tbh, 50% of Hayley scenes ticked me off too and Marcel was a solid 90% throughout the entire run.

13 - Hmmm....Klaus meeting his real father then killing him in order to protect Hope as he just could not risk trusting his father :( that broke me, other shocking moments when Gia died, Hayley’s first and second death...

14 - Friendship as in friends but not family? friendship within family would be Rebekah and Klaus always, friendship outside of family bonds I would definitely say either Davina and Josh or Rebekah and Hayley.

15 - Klaroline, although I put myself out here considering they only kissed once in this show...I never shipped Haylijah but never hated it, I despised Camille and the Klamille ship and always will, I enjoyed Elijah and Gia but doubt it run its course well I think, I always thought Rebekah deserved more than Marcel and still do...so I’m going with Kolvina, even though Kol killed Davina, thanks to those damn ancestors, their romance was super sweet, I loved how Kol loved her and their marriage, though briefly seen, was everything! We should have got a flashback of their wedding god damn it! But I’ll settle for them being two of the few who got happy endings...and could appear in Legacies ;) fingers crossed!

16 - I loved Marcel singing How You Like Me Now, I wish Charles Michael Davis had a few more musical numbers within this show, he’s a really talented actor, singer, director...

17 - Joseph Morgan hands down, loved him from his first scene in TVD and loved his other work in Hex and Brave New World, to name a few...

18 - Claire Holt, she’s just wonderful as Rebekah and the actress herself, she seems like such a genuine sweetheart in real life and you can really see her love for the character of Rebekah too, I also liked her other work in A Violent Separation, 47 Meters Down and no I’ve never seen H20...yet

19 - The Originals hands down, although so far TVD is in second place, with Legacies in third place but with Legacies still going I have high hopes for that climbing...all are fabulous shows in their own rights <3

20 - Okay I wouldn’t be me if I did not answer this future episode question without a link to a fanfic season 6 of mines... Origins of Magic and my alternative season 5 Bad Blood

21 - Off the top of my head? Davina and Kol teaching at Salvatore Boarding School, giving Hope some family connections that she severely lacks in Legacies and how awesome would they be as teachers? I’d also like to see a cousin whether it be Freya and Keelin’s son Nik or Rebekah and Marcel adopt a child (creature) that also ends up in Legacies. Side note - may put this in my possible fanfic ideas board...

22 - I don’t think I could claim to be most like any one individual, I’d say I was definitely a little dorky like Josh but nowhere near as adorable, I have a lot of hurt inside of me like Davina and protect my friends as much as I can, I’ve definitely got a bit of paranoia like Klaus from being screwed over many times like him and also like them it was mostly by family members, I’m definitely as curious and of a quiz like nature as Camille, love a little too easy like Rebekah and get my hear broken too often like her too, can be a little bit twistedly playful like Kol although I’ve not killed half as many people ; I’d love to one day be as elegant as Elijah, or as brave as Hayley and who would not want to be a Tribrid like Hope?

23 - How is this any different to 4? Although I’ll just answer Inadu purely because of the waste of potential and how not one single time did I give a damn about her, although I despised that vampire bitch who killed Hayley!!!

24 - I definitely relate to Klaus, Rebekah, Josh and Davina the most which is why they are my favorites no doubt.

25 - Klaus Mikaelson, any day, any time, anywhere, unless of course him and Caroline make it work I love their love more than I love my love for Klaus so I’d be happy just watching them being happy as a stalker lurking in the bushes within the back garden of their marital home - side not another statement that could be put on record for my eventful visit to the asylum..

26 - The family bonds, I love how it’s not all about romances like it is in TVD and so far Legacies, but still has romances at the same time. I love the complicated bonds between Klaus and his siblings Rebekah, Elijah, and Kol (in that order) and I love the little homemade family of Marcel with Davina and Josh (also in that order) and Marcel’s complicated father/son relationship with Klaus.

I also love how we watch Hope from being in Hayley’s womb, to a baby, toddler, child and then teenager and the powers she shows even from as young as being a baby and stopping the car she was in with Cami (even if that did save Cami’s life for a little longer) sorry not sorry we all got to hate on somebody and I did compliment her in 22 sort of lol

27 - The fact that its finale season served more like a prequel to Legacies than a fitting ending to a show I had been invested in since before it even began airing, as most fans were, we have loved these characters since their inception in TVD and it did kind of feel like Julie kind of started the finale season with a hit list in mind killing off anyone she’d think would not cameo in Legacies at some stage which I guess is why there is so much ill will from TO fans for Legacies, which I did feel for a while.

I mean I still blame Hope for Klaus and Hayley’s deaths, also Elijah for Hayley’s death and Marcel for Josh’s but I do not blame the characters have as much as I blame Plec.

28 - Season 5 lol, Season 4 although at the time I did not want it to be its end, would have served as a better ending for TO and they could have still made Legacies work without any ill will of making TO’s finale season pitch Legacies.

29 - The Hollow turning out to be Henrik, or the original witch, or anything other than what is was, also the werewolf origins should’ve have been a bit more epic like the vampires origins were.

30 - I do love Joseph Morgan and Daniel Gillies in interviews, Daniel Gillies is one of the funniest actors behind the scenes and has great bromances with Joseph, Paul Wesley and many others within the TVD verse. I also love Claire Holt’s and Phoebe Tonkin’s friendship and how that’s been a thing since they starred in H20 together (which I want to watch purely because of those two)

[pythosart]

A big ol 2019 end of the year update

I felt somewhat compelled to write my end of the year/decade thoughts, but a warning before you read: This one’s going to be heavy, intensely personal, and long. If you don’t feel up to reading that, it may be best to skip it. I promise I’ll go back to shutting up and posting art afterwards. I’m profoundly incapable of being concise, ever, so apologies for the length of this.

2019 was a nightmare.

Some background: In mid 2016, my mother was diagnosed with a rare form of liver cancer. She was given a few months to live. She was given weeks or months to live multiple times, for almost three years. In that time my mom was in and out of the hospital, but spent all her good days living life to the fullest, starting and finishing dream projects, and keeping all of us going despite her own situation. Even when she was bedridden, hooked up to tubes and bags and god knows what, she found time to prop up her loved ones and pursue her hobbies. She even managed to develop new hobbies and interests while otherwise imprisoned by her physical state, something I struggle to do at the best of times even in my young and relatively healthy form. If there’s anything I can make of this experience, it’s that I hope to grow into even half the woman my mother was.

I ended 2018 with my final quarter at SCAD. I spent the entire quarter terrified my mom was going to die while I was away from home. It was horrific, I barely scraped by my last few classes (bless my professors’ endless patience), and immediately left Savannah for home as soon as the quarter was up. I never had room to celebrate finishing college. Any other year it would be a huge milestone, but I barely even care.

This past May, my mother passed away, after three years of petrifying suspense. It happened in the dead middle of the night, while my best friend was visiting for a con, and it still feels like a bad dream. It’s also one of the only vivid memories I even have of this year. 

I wish I had more to say on that, but I genuinely think the drawn out suffering and fracturing of my whole world left me unable to fully unpack everything that’s happened. It’s hard to even think about for long, and at times I even half-forget she’s gone. I think of things I want to show her, or tell her, or cook with her. Just the other day I kept thinking I’d tell her how much I liked endive after she showed me how to make it. I found a historical Italian cooking channel that, every time I see it, I just think of how much she’d love it. I knew she’d love Hot Fuzz but never got to show her. Little, stupid things that shouldn’t matter, but they do. They just do.

My mother and I were close, much closer than I am with my dad. Especially towards the end of her life, we had gotten closer, and I felt like I was only just really getting to know her as an equal. I still want to share my life with her, but that chance is gone.

This holiday season has been especially rough in her absence, because not only was my mom the motivational and creative force behind a lot of holiday activities here, it’s the first everything without her. We had Thanksgiving with friends and a catered dinner, instead of spending several days cooking and polishing family silver and setting the table. I won’t be making handmade tortellini with her for Christmas like we did every year. It’s the little things like that.

We’re a tiny family, with over half of us in Italy and lacking much communication due to the language barrier. Family holidays were always small, but there’s just a huge hole how, much greater than the cold numeric value of “one fewer participant.” My mom was always a driving force and a keystone in our support networks, not to mention the main line of contact with the Italian-speaking side of the family, so now the family feels so much more scattered and isolated than ever.

My girlfriend was close to my mother too, and as she’s been living with me for years now and is practically part of the family, I think she took it just as hard as anyone. Cel saw everything I did, and dealt with many of the same uncertainties and traumatic experiences I did.

A month after I lost my mother, I lost my cat too. Galileo was twelve years old, a spry old man who yelled instead of meowed, and just a wonderful cat. I got him when I was in 7th grade, after begging my parents for years to get me a cat. It was my mom who eventually overrode my dad’s hesitations, and from then on Leo was part of the family. He went through a very sudden decline over the course of a week or two, and we learned it was cancer. Feline lymphoma, I think. I had to make the call to put him to sleep, and it ripped what was left of my heart out.

Not that it needs stating, but fuck cancer.

A few too-short months later, I cut ties with a “friend,” which despite how fucking much it hurt, was really for the best. At a certain point one simply can no longer afford to waste energy on a certain kind of person. Unfortunately I’m a persistently optimistic idiot, and it took me too long to cut my losses before deep damage was done. Done to me, my close friends, and even barely involved acquaintances this “friend” dumped on relentlessly and tried to harass into spying on me. Really, if any part of this is unforgivable, it’s that.

All this was, however, a valuable reminder that it’s no good to have any tolerance for habitually dishonest people, even if they think they’re doing it to look “nice.” Chronic liars will gaslight you whether they know it or not, and trying to navigate that in an already damaged mental state is inadvisable. It was an important lesson in picking one’s battles, albeit one learned too late. I’m still holding out hope I can find it in my heart to forgive this person, if only for my own selfish sake so I can move on. I have a lot of experience living on spite, and I don’t want to make a further habit of it.

Naturally all of the above did little to curb my already inflamed pessimism about the state of my country and the world at large, but I need not expand on that, I imagine.

I suppose it would be unfair of me to leave it all at that and only mention the negative, though admittedly positivity is hard to muster these days. A few bright spots of note:

Graduated from SCAD with my BFA in Sequential Art (technically last year, but I did the ceremonial bit this year)

Tabled at Animazement with Woods. We barely broke even, but it was a great time and I plan on doing it again in the new year.

Spent literally an entire month hanging out with my two best friends, which was amazing and exactly the kind of healing experience I needed around that time of year.

Properly did Halloween for the first time in years. I made a costume I’m proud of and we went out on the town… for like an hour, because it promptly started pouring. But fun nevertheless

Started therapy. As of writing this, I’ve only had an introductory session, but it’s a start. Should have started six months ago, but didn’t for reasons to be addressed...in therapy

Started volunteering at the local natural history museum, where I spent like half my childhood. I’ll be doing data entry in collections, but that’s still cool as hell

Got a start on figuring out what I want to do with my life. It’ll involve going back to school for science within the next five-ish years, but it’s nice to have a goal. More of a goal than I’ve ever had, in fact.

Played some extremely good video games (shout out to The Blackout Club and Control)

Made a shitload of unnecessary yet endlessly fun and good AUs with my friends and my one (1) OC

Got an iPad Pro and started learning Procreate, which has gotten me drawing more

Learned a bit of needle felting

2019 was a year of getting much closer to my two best friends, and I genuinely owe them my life at this point. I don’t know where I’d be without them. Nowhere good, certainly.

Woods and Dross kept me talking to people, kept me creating, told me when I was being unreasonable or needed to cool it, heard me out when I needed it but always kept me honest. They helped me keep some creative juices flowing when otherwise I’d have been at a frustrated loss and might have given up for good. If it seems like I’ve kept up my usual art output at all, and if you’ve enjoyed the Lou content (or not, whoops... apologies to everyone who followed me for monster content) you have both of them to thank.

Even moreso, I owe my girlfriend a great deal for being there for me through all of this while she herself was suffering similarly. She and I have had our ups and downs, and been through a lot in the five-ish years we’ve been together. We aren’t the most outspoken couple, but I think our mutual understanding and pain mitigated a lot of the damage this year has done. I don’t think I could have handled it alone.

Furthermore, I really need to thank a lot of other friends and acquaintances I’m not quite as close with, but still talk to. These people especially were willing to call me on my bullshit when necessary, or just talk to me at all, about anything. Even if these acquaintances didn’t know it at the time, there’s a good chance they were dragging me out of one of my frequent existential despair spirals.

I also, weirdly, owe a lot to helping my hen Julia recover from her dog attack. That was around the time that my mom’s health was in its final decline, when I felt the most helpless and despairing. I think having even some tiny something I could do to help was like, the only feeling of control I had in life for a bit there. Julia’s fine, by the way. Still queen of the yard, top chicken boss bitch, etc. Julia was always a kind of kindred spirit with my mom, in a way. Little but not to be underestimated, gray, big personality and commanding presence… Not to mention, she was one of the first in our flock and was always my mom’s favorite. 

It would be too much to say I have high hopes or plans of any kind for the upcoming year, but I do have a list of things I want to try and do. Some of which will involve art, and the posting thereof.

Big if on this one, but I’ve also recently started therapy (only took me half a year to work up to making a phone call after the first failed attempt took all the wind out of my sails) and I have…maybe not high hopes, but hopes, for that doing something to help. I should have started therapy two years ago, but the second best time is now, etc etc.

I have a lot of New Year’s resolutions, beyond the usual “get in shape, drink less coffee, blah blah” that I’ll try and write up a little list of separately. Most of them are art-related, so you all will be there to watch me swing and miss I PROMISED I’D TRY TO BE LESS NEGATIVE. New Year’s resolution #1: Maybe don’t make so many self-deprecating jokes.

Anyway, I don’t know how to end any wall of text, be it an OC worldbuilding screed or something serious like this, so... I guess, love yourself, cherish your friends, know when to put your own needs first and when to put your friends’ needs firster. One of the things my mom taught me in this past year or so is that relationships are what you make of them, and that it’s okay to be selfish sometimes. Be generous, be genuine, don’t be a doormat and don’t lie to people you care about, even if it seems kinder in the moment. Savor the time you have with those close to you, and spend time doing things you love. Cliché, maybe, but cliché can still be true. Happy new year, everyone. I sincerely hope it will treat us all better. 2020 may just be an imaginary change of numbers, but I like to think it really does wipe the slate in a way, and make room for all of us to do what we can to be better. Speaking of which, vote. For the love of all that is good, vote.

--

A little bullet list of New Year’s resolutions, because it’s nicer to look at

Try to get back in shape (of course) - That 30 days of strength thing was good while it lasted, despite my joints hating me

Learn some new recipes, preferably with fewer carbs, you Italian ass

Keep a physical calendar and stick with it for at least a few months

Learn at least one new skill by the middle of the year, whether it’s art-related or something else

Start writing more. Don’t have to share it, but try. Write down ideas somewhere other than Discord where they’re easy to lose

Either reopen Patreon or figure out how ko-fi works. Even if it’s for no money, just to have structure and goals.

Do Animazement again and try out some new product types

Go to SCAD career fair with a decent portfolio

Get better about spending, by whatever method works

Attend some art classes at the local collectives, doesn’t matter what

Play more video games. I swear I only played like three new things this year 

Read more classic literature and nonfiction, at least one book per month. I’ve been really enjoying Agatha Christie’s works and am about to start Guns, Germs, and Steel

Read more comics. Basically just consume more media

Do Halloween again, better this time

See friends in person more

Practice accepting whatever shitty thoughts show up and then letting them go, rather than dwelling on them

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

alpha/beta are carol/daryl foils: an analysis no one asked for; twd s10 spoilers, obviously

hoo boy. okay, so i’ve been intending to write this for days, but i had to let it marinate, and also i haven’t been sleeping and couldn’t concentrate long enough to write it down, but whatever, i digress. “we are the end of the world” was something, wasn’t it?? it is so weird to have a plotline in twd that’s like...good? and SO refreshing to have a villain who isn’t a macho, rapey, white dude. i personally believe that all showrunners should be women from now on. oh, i’m digressing again, my apologies.

here’s the actual content, under the cut bc it’s a fucking novel:

so, from alpha’s very first episode, when i saw her shaving her head, i literally thought, “oh, so she’s carol’s foil and they’re going to have an inevitable showdown, huh?” guess who was right? this bitch. but what i didn’t catch right away was how beta is also daryl’s foil, and how the main focus of this season is alpha/beta vs carol/daryl.

let’s take it apart individually first, yeah?

carol vs. alpha:

like i said, the scene that made me instantly aware of what they were setting up was when alpha shaved her head. carol’s hair was a big thing in season 9, and the fact that we had just had henry talking about carol growing her hair out long, juxtaposed with alpha shaving hers off, is what set the alarm bells off for me. i have said over and over that i don’t believe kang does anything unintentionally, and girl loves her symbolism, so those two opposing scenes was a taste of what she was setting up.

carol and alpha are both near-indestructible forces who also happen to be mother’s suffering the loss of their children at the hand of the other. (carol isn’t directly responsible for lydia, but she’s included with “the others” that took lydia from alpha, so i think alpha still sees her as part of it.)

carol and alpha both have transformed themselves to fit within the confines of the world they currently live in, while recognizing that their children weren’t meant for it, even within their own grief. let us refer to figures a and b (lol) below.

figure a:

here in “the grove” we have creepy girl who i hate and am terrified of asking carol if sophia died because she was weak, and carol straight up is like, “yes.” she doesn’t even sugarcoat it. she accepted that her daughter wasn’t going to survive from the jump, because “there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.”

figure b:

here we see alpha losing her goddamn shit, because she’s having a come-to-jesus moment with beta about losing lydia, because she can’t have lydia and be the alpha at the same time, because lydia “is not like” her. 

conclusion: carol and alpha both mourn for their daughters, but have accepted that to be the people they need to be in the apocalypse, their children needed to die (or in lydia’s case, be dead metaphorically). in short, carol and alpha are two sides of the same coin. they’ve both found ways to survive, except one is for the good guys, and the other is for the bad guys, and now they’re head-to-head, and it is d e l i c i o u s.

moving on.

daryl vs beta:

idk why the parallels didn’t occur to me when they had daryl fighting beta. i blame henry, he was distracting me by being a delightful idiot (rip my dumb bitch), but that seed was planted in season 9, too. go kang for continuity. who knew twd could do that? anyway.

the big thing that compares daryl and beta is who they were before they found carol and alpha respectively. we obviously don’t know a whole lot of details about beta’s life, but we have enough to extrapolate and compare, and extrapolate and compare we shall.

alright, so we got our favorite lovable, filthy redneck, who grew up abused and isolated, and then here comes the apocalypse, and the only person he has left is his brother, and that’s what defines him until he loses him, both when rick chained him to a roof, and then again, after a brief relapse, when merle sacrificed himself. 

next we have beta, who again, our info is limited, but he does not become “beta” until after whoever that walker alpha puts down is gone. judging by the size, approximate age, and the closeness beta had to him, i’m betting on, you guessed it, his brother. 

observe:

figure a:

figure b:

these are both turning points for these men, where they Fully Become the dudes that we know. daryl couldn’t be the daryl we know and love until merle was gone for good, and whatever his actual name is couldn’t become beta until smiley face shirt guy was smooshed. 

(side note: how fucking rank does that t-shirt have to be by now? at least the mask dries out, but do you think that t-shirt is just like, melded into beta’s skin at this point? gross.)

so time for the fun part.

alpha/beta and caryl in season 10:

season 10 finds both duos in similar circumstances, by which i mean, alpha and carol are losing their minds, and beta and daryl are like, “uhhhh, you ok?” the men are these women’s confidants, their person, the one they trust and love above all others. carol saved daryl and brought him into a community, and alpha did the same thing with beta. you want more visual aides? well, sure thing, scout!

figure a:

we’re carylers, we already know carol’s the reason daryl has the confidence and self-esteem to become part of the group, but juxtapose this with the following pic, which i will label

figure b (again):

and you will see that alpha sees something in beta that no one else does. she sees this lonely, talented man, who’s adrift and in solitude, and she essentially calls dibs. sound familiar? inorite?

so daryl and beta are now loyal to a fault to their women, and this season already has them being wary of how they’re acting. yes, i have more pictures. i like taking screenshots, okay?

figure a:

one of the first scenes we get with caryl is daryl asking carol if she’s still thinking about alpha, and if she is Dwelling, which is interesting, because...

figure b:

...that’s exactly the same thing we get with alpha and beta. the first scene in “we are the end of the world” with the two of them in present day is him questioning her motives, and then later on he’s like, “fuck, are you Dwelling?” 

and both women immediately are like:

and neither dude knows wtf to do about this, because they’re used to the women being the strong ones. carol’s whole, “you’ve got to feel it, but not me, i’m good repressing, conceal don’t feel” thing, mixed with alpha’s, “we’re living like the dead and the dead don’t feel emotions so obviously I Am Fine” motto is what their boys are used to, but suddenly carol is hallucinating dead children, and alpha is making shrines, and our poor dudes are like, “plz stop???” esp bc they know these women are FUCKING TERRIFYING, and should never be left to their own devices if they’re being crazy crackers.

ergo, both men are clinging to the hope that they can bring the women back from the brink. my last visual aides, yes i know, how sad:

figure a:

figure b:

both scenes have these dudes reaching out to their women and essentially expressing, in their own way, “i’m worried about you, can you plz stay within eyesight at all times, ilu,” bc neither daryl nor beta is equipped to have a nice long sit down conversation about feelings, and obviously carol and alpha wouldn’t bother to entertain it in the first place, so like  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. they tried. 

will it work? unlikely! because after that showdown at the end of both eps 1 and 2, these bitches ain’t about to stop for nothing. they just straight up made enemies for life, and they’re going straight harry potter with this shit, neither can live while the other survives, someone has to die, and while beta and daryl are not super on board with this whole “being bonkers and bent on revenge” thing, you better bet your ass that they’re going to make sure their woman is the winner, which means they automatically are paired up against one another as well.

so in a nutshell: we could have just stuck goatees on mmb and norman reedus, cast them as alpha and beta, and called them mirror!verse caryl (star trek reference, yay/nay?), because they’re mother fucking foils setting up for the mother fucking fight of the century, and oh my god, can you feel it in your bones how exciting it is that it’s not going to be a rick + negan dick measuring contest again? i am So Hype.

and ofc, as a hardcore caryl shipper, i obviously have to throw in that alpha and beta are totally in love (which is esp fun, bc whisperers aren’t supposed to feel love, uh oh, vulcan violation, yes i made another star trek reference, bite me), and if they are paralleling caryl, well...extrapolate from the evidence.

i love kang, you guys. i love how she tells a story. i love that she knows how to tell a story. this show is good again, and idk how she did it, but damnit, she did.

thus endeth my pointless critical analysis. forgive me. i was an english major and have absolutely no other use for my degree.

i’m ashamed too. 

that’s all. tomorrow is the early release of the caryl episode, i mean the new episode. looking forward to dying a valiant death with the lot of you. until then, friends.

deuces,

-diz

addendum: i was editing this, and was trying to think if there’s a parallel to the bracelet scene, and the only thing i could think of that alpha gives beta is his mask. she encourages him to take the face of his brother(?), and that keeps him grounded, which is interesting, bc my prediction for the bracelet is that it’s going to end up being a grounding device for carol when she’s dissociating. i don’t have a solid conclusion drawn there, but i thought i’d mention it before posting, just to plant the seed. 

k, done 4 real, bye

[sea-side-scribbles]

Doubled Back

Parallel Universe, Higgs vs Higgs, I have weird ideas sometimes...

Rating: M

Chapters 2/?

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21860554/chapters/52173571

Higgs shoots himself on the beach, so he won’t go insane.

What ensues from that makes him think it was already too late.

Chapter 1

Higgs had imagined the afterlife to be different, he immediately thought when the shot still echoed in his ears. He didn’t want to be insolent, but he didn’t expect to be lied down on a comfy mattress. He had reflexively curled his fingers into it when he had felt himself fall into the blackness. Soon after, he took his first breath after the shot and puzzled by that, he ripped his eyes open. It was revealed to him that he was indeed just lying in a bed, his heart pounding in his chest. 

He felt alive.

He jumped up and stared at the walls that surrounded him. He found that they looked very familiar. He walked over to a notice board and touched it’s cold surface. It felt very real. Still confused, he stepped backwards and let his gaze wander over the widespread network that occupied the whole room. Notes, photos, ripped out pages of books, all combined to one big picture, a sign of his former enthusiastic self. He saw his plan, his faith, screaming at him from the walls. „Amelie, my lord and savior“, was smeared in black all over it. 

He backed away, feeling he was about to choke on the sight. It was nothing but a shameless lie. Why was he back here to look at it? Did Amelie send him here to be embarrassed for one last time? There was only one way to deal with her precious altar of lies. 

With a war cry, he jumped at his old plans, ripped the pages apart, pulled out the cord that was holding them together and tore the photos apart. Soon, there was nothing left of his great plan than crumbled pieces of paper on the ground. He found that this was really fun, so he eagerly continued his work with smashing everything he could find against the walls. 

He grabbed a knife that had lied on the table and started to slice wildly creative patterns into everything he could reach. He ran the knife over every writing he found, until they were barely readable. Finally, he slashed the paddings of the furniture like a furious killer who was searching for his victim that hid in the room somewhere. 

The only picture he left intact was one flyer with Fragile’s banner on it, which he placed right in the middle of the shredded board. 

When he didn’t find anything more to destroy, he leaned at the door and looked at his work with a satisfied grin. Finally, he saw the truth. Now he had to get out of here though, his past still choked him. 

By then he knew that he was in his Homo Demens quarters, so he expected the two guards already who patrolled the corridor. They saluted nervously. They probably heard the noise his little endeavor had caused. One of them however had the courage to approach him, even though cautiously, like Higgs was a wild animal. 

„Master Higgs…“

„What?“ Higgs didn’t hide his annoyance. He only wanted to leave, this place was like a cord around his throat. 

„Forgive me asking but…don’t you…have a meeting now?

Higgs only stopped walking and kept looking straightforward. „The meeting is cancelled,“ he decided, „be a good boy and give the word, alright?“

„Yes, sir.“ And so he walked away and Higgs could continue his slow escape.

When the guard reached the meeting room and went inside, he came upon a big surprise. The assembly was complete and everyone seemed to listen to Higgs, who he had just interrupted in mid sentence.

„Master…Master Higgs? You…changed your mind?“, he stuttered into the awkward silence. He definitely didn’t appreciate this kind of humor. The look Higgs gave him also sent a cold shiver down his spine. 

„Would you excuse me just a minute?“, his master said and walked out, his devastated guard following him. 

„How long have you been my guard now?“, he asked sharply.

„For about five years, sir,“ his guard replied in a meek tone.

„And in all that time you didn’t notice how much I hate it to be interrupted?“

„You..you left me no choice, sir.“

He saw his master was slightly irritated by his guard’s candor.

„Explain,“ he ordered.

The guard assumed that this was some drill he didn’t understand yet.

„Just a minute ago you walked out of your quarters and told me that the meeting is cancelled and ordered me to give the word,“ he repeated what happened.

His master’s irritation turned into fury.

„I’ve been here for 20 minutes,“ he snapped. „You’re telling me that you let someone break into my room and let him go afterwards?“

„He…he looked exactly like you sir,“ the guard whimpered, still hoping this was some kind of cruel joke.

His master processed this information for a second before he yelled. „What are you waiting for? Seal the doors and find the man!“

Higgs was about to reach the entrance hall when he heard the alarm. With multiple loud crashes the doors got sealed and soon the room was flooded by Homo Demens that blocked the exit with their guns ready. Higgs watched this show with amusement and surprise. Without any fear, he approached the armed men.

„May I politely ask you what this fuss is about?“

Ruyther stepped forward. He was one of his most trusted men. A sign that this was a rather serious matter. „I apologize, but the order came directly from…Master Higgs,“ he said knitting his brows.

Higgs looked at him with an innocent expression.

„Oh, did it?“, he asked in fake surprise. „Don’t you think I should know about this then?“

Ruyther replied with a concerned expression. „It says we have an intruder, a doppelganger, to be precise.“

Higgs couldn’t believe his ears. What was that shit now?

„A doppelganger, eh?“, he repeated and stroked his chin seemingly deep in thoughts. „Hmm…I  wonder what gave him this idea? I hope he’s not completely unguarded now and walking around in our headquarters…“

„Of course not,“ the other man said in a factual tone. „He’s just as guarded as you are, but also a whole unity has confirmed his identity.“

„What?“, Higgs blurted out. „You can’t be fucking serious! I’m here! Ruyther, it’s me! Look at me!“

Ruyther eyed the other man’s face under the hood for a while until he answered: „You’re looking…different to me, sir…“. 

That caused the men around him to tense.

„What do you mean?“ Higgs’ voice was menacingly quiet. He also fought the urge to take off the hood but he would never expose his face like that.

„You’re looking…a bit younger…“, his guard stuttered.

Higgs laughed. „Oh, thank you“, he said with a charming smile. „You always find an occasion to flatter me, don’t you? But now I need to go, if you don’t mind.“ 

He walked towards the men but he only ended up with seven guns now aiming at him directly. Holding up his hands in fake surrender he stepped backwards again. „Aren’t you guys on edge today?,“ he snapped.

„You don’t seem to be very interested in that intruder…“, Ruyther observed warily.

Higgs sighted and wiped his forehead. 

He knew Ruyther had a point. He would be eager to find this impertinent imposter if he wasn’t actually dead. He just shot himself minutes ago, he found that was enough shit to deal with for one day.

„I’m busy…“, he said in annoyance, „just arrest him, ask him who he’s working for and do your usual routine…I’ll be back soon.“ 

His guard didn’t give up. 

„Sir, you need to give us a sign. A short demonstration of your powers would be enough,“ he offered sternly and his men shrank behind him. His powers were the last thing any of the Homo Demens wanted to be demonstrated. Especially not when Higgs was in a bad mood like now.

Higgs however realized what he had been missing the entire time. Ever since the beach, to be clear. When Amelie left him, she had taken her powers with her, so Higgs had been powerless when Fragile granted him the opportunity to kill himself and he was still powerless now. He closed his eyes, a reaction to compensate his embarrassment. If he ever met that bitch Amelie again, he would drown her in her own ocean. 

But he wouldn’t let her break him this time. He would play along as far as necessary but he won’t be her pawn.

The guards that had stared at Higgs in horror relaxed again when he opened his eyes and nothing bad happened. 

„Alright, you got me,“ he sighted. „Let’s look at my imposter with his incredible powers. Can’t wait to meet him.“

„I’m sorry for all of this,“ Ruyther said in all honesty. 

Higgs eyed him and his sarcasm turned into sympathy.

„It’s not your fault…you’re just being careful…“

He turned around and let himself be walked off along the hallways. He didn’t look forward to this at all. He was afraid to be exposed by some tar wizard, some level 2 or 3 who could summon little tar drops and faint shadows that looked like a BT for someone who had no clue what they really looked like. And Higgs couldn’t prove him wrong. What a shitty day.

He was glad that the imposter was at least indeed guarded. His office now was crowded with Demens who gathered around the guy. What Higgs didn’t notice was that all of them stared at him in surprise and then looked back at the other one who stood by the desk, trying to find a difference between them. When Higgs saw that the imposter was standing by his desk like he owned this place and was also turning his back on him he rolled his eyes. He noticed that he was wearing an actually very accurate remake of his own outfit too.

„You’ve been very impolite,“ the imposter greeted him with a voice that sounded alarmingly similar to Higgs’, maybe darker. „You didn’t even introduce yourself. Instead you invaded my private quarters and made quite a mess in them. You also seem to be not very intelligent, because you left a sign of who supposedly sent you quite plain to see. Tell me, what am I supposed to do with you?“

„Turn around, you clown, and show me your face,“ Higgs snarled back.

The room fell silent. Everyone seemed to fear the reaction of the guy by the desk.

„Again you’re impolite,“ he stated, shaking his head. „I don’t tolerate this behavior. Sherkoff, teach him.“ He gave a sign and one man stepped forward and approached Higgs with a sternly look.

Higgs straightened himself and followed the man with his eyes. Another one who had known him for years and didn’t recognize him now. The other man held the gaze, even though he saw into the same eyes his master had. 

„Are we doing this?“, Higgs asked defiantly but also with curiosity.

The slap he received was much weaker than the man could manage.

„I know you can do better than that,“ the imposter promptly said.

Higgs now looked rather amused. He had never wished to be slapped by his men but he could appreciate a good comedy. When the man hesitated again, Higgs whispered to him in a friendly way. „C’mon, just do it, we don’t want to make this guy mad, don’t we?“ He winked and tilted his head to the side. „I’ve been veeery impolite.“

The next slap jerked his head to the side and he fell heavy into the arms of the guards behind him.

„Good,“ said the voice by the desk. „Now one more time, just to make sure he gets the message.“

Higgs chuckled, even though his face burned. He lifted himself up and offered the other cheek without protest. The third slap sent him flying to the other side. Struggling up, he saw Sherkoff walk away. His punishment was over.

„I give you a second chance to change your tone, intruder. Just try to mind your words this time. I understand that you’re rather - simple minded.“

Higgs shook his head at that insult. This guy had some nerves. But he had made the message quite clear. His men obeyed him for whatever reason and he had no powers. Time to play along then.

„I…thank you for your patience“, Higgs sounded as submissive as he could while trying not to choke at his words. „Please accept my apologies and let me show you my respect by falling on my knees before you.“

„That’s much better…however your offer means that my men have to release you. I hope that you won’t try anything funny out of your mere simplicity. I’d rather not hurt you more.“

„I won’t try anything, sir,“ Higgs pleaded with a clear innocent voice.

The imposter gave a sign and the guards let go off Higgs, who just as promised sank down on his knees and bowed his head.

Finally, the imposter turned around and came closer.

„See, it’s not that hard to teach even the most stubborn specimen some manners. It only takes patience and a strong hand…“ He concentrated his attention to his men for a second and that was all the time Higgs needed to strike. The knife that once had carved his walls now sliced through the thick material of the other man’s suit. Warm blood sprayed out of it and covered Higgs in bright red drops when he led the knife from the bottom to the top up to the imposter’s chest. Soon, his eyes wandered to the other man’s face and the sight made him cry out it shock.

He saw himself, with distorted features, dead eyes staring into his own, his body slashed and bleeding out. When the body hit the ground he realized he had just killed himself once more.

[girlbookwrm]

It’s here! At last!  THE MIGHTY PRE ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES, WITH:

AKA IS IT MY BIRTHDAY? YES. YES IT IS.

(or it was at any rate, it took me Some Time to get this all typed up because holy fuck it’s long. looks like i’ve got Some Feelings about The Winter Soldier. WHO KNEW)

ANYWAY, if you’re wondering what the hell this is all about i’ve been rewatching all the marvel movies (and commentating on them) in preparation for Avengers: Endgame and NOW IT IS TIME FOR MY FAVORITE ONE

I got @goteamwin​ and @pegasuschick​ here IT’S A PARTY! WE GOT COOL RANCH DORITOS AND BRAINWASHED SUPERSOLDIERS LET’S DO THIS.

Day 912: i still miss the old marvel logo

LISTEN THIS IS THE BEST OPENING SCENE IN MARVEL HISTORY FIGHT ME.

“~on your left ;)~” honestly? iconic.

God Bless Steven Grant Rogers and his Smedium Shirts.

Steve, known bisexual disaster, is hitting on Sam here. this isn’t even in question, right? Sam’s quip about “making me look good to the girl at the front desk” was a soft rejection and Steve takes it like a champ.

Important to note: the black widow uses emojis in her text messages. 

Also important to note: Sam Wilson hits on the Black Widow because he flies into combat at 100 miles per hour wearing a tee-shirt and dad jeans he fears nothing not even death itself

also also important to note that The Roommate went to see this movie by herself, low key cosplaying as Fem!Cap. she did this in part because I had gone to see it first (i was in the UK at the time, and it came out over there before it came out in the US. ~IRONY~) and as soon as I got back from seeing it (i had low-key cosplayed as fem!Hawkeye. it’s a long story) I emailed her and was like O HAI U SEEN DIS? U WILL LIKE IT. ~and she dii-iiiiiid.~

every time i see this scene now, i hear that bit from the gag real.

cevans: Kill the engines. wait for instructions. *whining and stamping his foot* cuz i’m in chaaaaaaaarge.

Being asked about your dating life and then immediately jumping out of an airplane is a Big Mood

I would like us all to appreciate that steve put a nice matte stealth finish on his patriotic dinner plate, special for this mission. 

Also, we’re all agreed that Steve kills at pool, yeah? Give me Steve being a pool shark at the local watering hole plz n thank.

Steve: *punches a guy through the shield*

The Roommate: but why does he punch that guy through the shield?

Me, having a Terrible Thought: Maybe one time he accidentally punched through a guy’s face and ever since then he uses the shield as, like, a buffer when he wants to take people alive.

The Gal Pal: WOW. YOU WENT THERE.

parkour!

~Hey Sailor ;)~

that one guy working for Batroc really needs to lay off the steroids, or whatever is giving him this Unnecessary Rage. You know the guy I mean.

love how batroc is jchilling and then WHAM! IT IS I! AMERICA!

ON! VA! VOIR!

did he learn this from Dernier? he learned this from Dernier.

The Gal Pal: that is a ridiculously huge flash drive

Me, Just Now: overcompensate much?

Nat’s little eyeroll after Steve says “you’re damn right”

The Roommate: Nat is So Tired of Steve’s Drama™. And now she’s going to have to deal with his cold shoulder the whole flight back, and she’s going to have no one to talk to but Rumlow and uggghhhhhh

Steve comes into Fury's office and Damn. Dat Ass.

The Roommate: They know what they're doing here.

eyyyyyy tony’s in this movie (kinda)

I love that Steve just like, drives around with the shield on his back. 

Enter The Smithsonian.

The Roommate: I! LOVE! THIS! SO! MUUUUUUCH!!!

Me: Gee sure would be nice to be able to go to a smithsonian right now.

*american sobbing intensifies*

The Roommate: what is the timeline here? does he come straight back from the mission into yelling at fury? and then straight here?? Is Steve just like “oop time to go look at my old stuff and Emote”? Is this his routine??

buckyyyyyyyyyyy

listen yall know the extent of my BuckRogers feels but every time they pull out that compass i develop a terrible case of The Steggies.

“It’s just not the same” ha ha kill me.

~So Dramatic ;)~

“Steve?” HA HA HA KILL ME

Fury’s Computer:

At This Juncture The Commentators Would Like It Noted That It Has Been 23 Solid Minutes of Stuff We 1000% L O V E and everyone’s favorite brainwashee has not even appeared yet.

but he’s coming

s o o n

Also, we all hate Alexander Pierce but he is a great villain and also Robert Redford might be an older fella but he can definitely still get it heyooo

Steve is so awkward here. But like, imagine him actually going to one of these VA things, like everyone’s all “ied this, helicopter that” and steve’s just like “so one time in ‘44 i punched my way into a panzer”

The Roommate, Who Is Sometimes More Evil Than Me: ~NOW IS AN EXCELLENT TIME TO REMEMBER THAT RILEY WASN’T IN A PLAAAAAANE~

at this moment, the DC driving types lost their goddamn minds.

“WHAT IS THIS? WHERE IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE? WHERE, IN WASHINGTION, THE DISTRICT OF GODDAMN COLUMBIA, IS THERE THIS LITTLE TRAFFIC, HUH??”

“You wanna see my lease?” i c o n i c. 

Did you know that SLJ was an actual Black Panther? I did not know this, but as soon as the Gal Pal told me, i was like “oh yeah that checks out.”

meanwhile, the couch based road rage continued all around me.

“This part of DC ~DOES NOT EXIIIIIIIIIIIIST~”

“Traffic alert? on the Roosevelt Bridge? Yeah in other news WATER IS WET.”

“wait is he getting on 66? ARE YOU GETTING ON 66?? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???”

“Have you ever even been on 495?????”

HE’S HERE!!!

just like, damn gurl, u make that highway ur catwalk. 

Me: What the hell kind of laser pointer do you have there, Nick?

The Gal Pal & The Roommate: It’s A Lightsaber.

The Roommate: So is this just like? An Average Day In The Life Of Captain Rogers? Get up, go for a run, annoy a veteran, fly to the other side of the world, kick ass, fly home, talk back to a superior officer, drop my priceless shield off at home, go emote at a smithsonian exhibit, have my heart ripped out by my nonagenarian ex, go flirt with annoy a veteran (part two, now with added Feelings™) go home, get rejected by my neighbor, CHASE A FUGITIVE.

JUST ANOTHER DAY! IN THE LIFE OF STEVEN GRANT ROGERS!!

honestly his neighbors must hate him

that’s why Sharon’s his neighbor, everyone else LEFT.

The Biggest Flash Drive

Let’s Not Forget, that because she is undercover as a nurse, Sharon probably just kicked that door down with crocs.

YOU’RE WELCOME

let’s appreciate that the Soldier’s theme music is just SCREAMING and also you should know that every time it comes on, the Gal Pal and I start SCREAMING. not, like, in an “oh we’re excited” way, just, like, the way you sing along to the theme song of your favorite TV show, you know?

PARKOUR!

The Roommate: good job with your eyeliner there, buddy. You Did Your Best.

The Gal Pal: That Is Dupont Circle and Steve is Extremely Gay. 

(yes, we know he’s bi.)

Natasha really should know better than to believe that Nick is dead.

THAT IS THE WORST PLACE TO HIDE THE FLASH DRIVE

The Gal Pal: genuinely, it’s such a bad hiding place it stresses me out.

The Roommate: Yeah, what was he thinking? I mean, was his logic just that no one likes that gross bubblegum?

Me: UM WHAT?

The Gal Pal: EXCUSE YOU THAT IS BUBBLE YUM.

The Roommate: ... yeah but it’s the gross bubblegum flavor?

At this point we lost a few minutes to divide into Pro and Anti Bubblegum Camps and then had to run the movie back because we missed:

~Neighbor ;)~

i c o n i c

The Roommate: Sir. Stop Having That Face. That is Illegal.

(she is having A Difficulty. The Difficulty is cevans’ jawline)

But seriously: What actually happens in this scene? We are all Steve and we all want to punch our way out of this confusing conversation.

God that face/those tits/that ass tho

Young Man. You Stop That.

THE ELEVATOR SCENE. I mean how many movies can say that some of their best scenes happen in an elevator? That alone is a real accomplishment.

They’re all ~soooo casual~ and then there’s rollins, who isn’t even trying. “records.” These WWE wrestlers are not going to records, come on.

at this point we stopped commentating except in inarticulate whoops of delight and shrieks of glee. except for one brief aside

Me: This scene is so sexy, but like, not in a sexy way? Like, the fighting style isn’t that “oooo I’m fighting in a sexy way” it’s just, it’s so...!

The Roommate: Primal?

and I regret to inform you all that yes, she is 100% Correct, it is indeed sexy in a primal way.

“whoa big guy”

i just.

that’s all i got on that

tiny turtle of freedom

we had the subtitles on, and it just says “woman screams” Screams in what? JOY? 

It’s raining men! Hallelujah!

“Stand down, Captain Rogers! Stand! Down!

Captain Rogers: *accelerates*

They’re being made to watch social media so what I want to know is which poor SHIELD guy got stuck monitoring tumblr?

“oh we’re getting all kinds of hits but uhhhhhhhhh they’re not......... pertinent..............”

why doesn’t The Biggest Flash Drive have a cap? it is now full of crumbs. it’s full of crumbs, guys. if it’s going to be that big it should at least be one of those cool slider ones.

“Are you calling for my resignation? do you know who i am? Bitch I Am Robert Redford.”

Apple Store Aaron. “hey guys why’s your flash drive so big??”

“yeeeah. we’re getting married.”

Honeymoon destinations -- where are you going?

Steve: (without thinking, reads the first thing he sees) New Jersey

Steve: *dies a little inside*

Steve: *forgive me bucky for i have sinned*

I love that they’re coming out and Steve is 100% tactical brain and then Nat’s just like “put your arm around me and laugh” and when it works Steve just looks back over his shoulder like:

oh my god it worked???

sPyING is WitCHCraFT?????

“was that your first kiss since 1945?”

“That was not my first kiss since 1945,” said Steven Grant Rogers, Who Is Definitely Lying, and Furthermore, Is Fooling Exactly No One.

Sidenote: Ship and let ship, obviously and always, but I love Steve and Nat as BROS too much to ever see them romantically, The Bromance Is Strong With Them.

it’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again

Steve: kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience.

Bucky, ten minutes later, wearing bondage gear: HELLO IT IS I

SKINNY STEVE!

of course he memorized the army regulations.

Listen. The cell phone trick Bugs Me™ and the only thing that lets me get through it is the idea that they cleverly cut around natasha standing there for 40 minutes trying out every possible permutation of those numbers, with possible duplications.

I like the idea that Computer!Zola has been building this little fanvideo since the mid-seventies and he’s just! so excited! to show it to someone!

Steve punching the screen is another Big Mood.

“even captain america and the black widow can’t survive a missile Directly To The Face” BITCH U THOUGHT

it’s nice that they give bucko a kirk light here

~u want some milk? ;)~

honestly, what the fuck even is that line.

they made Robert Redford say that line.

what does it mean

YOUNG MAN! THAT IS! ILLEGAL!

altho tbh i want a slightly grubby Steve in a tank top to give me a pep talk, like, every day. that would be fine.

The Gal Pal, A Curly Haired Individual: hhhhhhhow did Natasha straighten her hair. This makes me So Angry.

Me: I mean, I like to imagine her with Sam’s Iron and ironing board, just like *mimes frantically ironing hair with a Very Soviet Expression*

Fort Meade is the best scene that isn’t in the movie.

Aw Gary Shandling’s here. Awwwww Gary Shandling...

Sam, are you intimidating this guy or flirting with him?

To Those who remember the Potato/Gremlin Scale, I propose a third option, a kind of venn diagram situation going on, where the third option is Fey Creature. Sam is neither Potato nor gremlin, but he might be a Fey Creature.

God I love this scene.

LOOK AT SAM HERE: No armor, no flightsuit, no fucking knee pads no goddamn helmet just Casual Dad Falcon, Suns Out Guns Out.

Steve: What the fuck’s an SAT.

he’s coming.

*SCREAMING*

he’s here.

is it murder or is he modeling?? “you got this Soldier, make ‘em wait for it... Boom.”

this is the greatest fight scene of all time, honestly. This and then the fight scene in the first RDJ holmes movie are the Only fight scenes i can even remotely stand to watch. Except maybe some of the bending battles in ATLA. but this scene. this is top of the list. it’s just. *kissy chef fingers*

Soldier strolling along not firing his weapon because he has no shot and he is a Child of the Depression who don’t waste no bullets.

only loses his cool when Widow Breaks his stuff.

Sam Wilson: Brings a pocket knife to an automatic rifle fight and wins.

“go, I got this!”

aw yeah you do

THAT STRUT™

Soldier strolling along the street. so bored. could be home watching project runway.

That thing Soldier does with the arm Does Things to me for reasons that I choose not to examine too closely

ANYWAY WE DON’T HAVE TIME TO UNPACK ALL OF THAT.

“who the hell is bucky” wow there Soldier you went from Full Russian to American Accented English awfully quick I Wonder Why

Soldier’s reaction to confusion is to Immediately Shoot and honestly that’s a Big Mood.

We are all agreed that the only reason SHIELD succeeds in taking Steve in is because

look at that face

steve’s not here right now, please leave a message.

More DC Area Rage: “WHERE IS THIS DAM? WHERE??”

natasha y r u surprised that Fury is alive?

oh noooooooooooo it’s time for this scene

OHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Robert Redford to James Buchanan Barnes: You are a literal treasure.

OH NO OH NO OH NO

The Roommate: yeahhhhh this was maybe an. inappropriate scene for me to have to see in a theater. alone.

I love that while they’re making this ridiculous plan (yeah it’s ridiculous, i don’t care) Fury has to check in with Sam (WHO HE HAS LITERALLY NEVER MET BEFORE) presumably to just touch base and be like “Is this White Nonsense™?”

spoiler alert it is not White Nonsense™, but it definitely is Extra™

DAT JAWLINE THO. of course he’s giving the orders, LOOK AT THAT JAWLINE

LIL STEEB!

I’m with you to the end of the line.

what kind of marriage vow nonsense is that

jesus.

anyway, Sam comes in like: IT IS I! YOUR BEST FRIEND! YOUR BEST FRIEND IS ME NOW!

poooterrrr!!

This is the second secure government facility that they have broken into. Possibly the third, depending whether you count the bunker.

Dem Asses. Seriously. Everyone in this shot has an enviable ass. *distinguished golf clapping* bravo

“~Excuse us~” i c o n i c

God, Steve gives this speech and then we get sam’s reaction and you can physically see him having a sexual identity crisis and honestly BIG MOOD THERE, SAM

I have questions about the effect of this on the potomac river which has already had a hard enough time and does not deserve this Supervillain Nonsense.

you are ON FOOT steven. it is a FLYING AIRCRAFT CARRIER and you are ON! FOOT!

i’m so mad that it works too

mad, but like, also turned on. duh.

what’s cap’s true superpower? DRAMA

The saddest thing in this movie is that Jenny Agutter is Scarlet Johansson

don’t get me wrong, i like scarjo but this movie would’ve been even better if it wasn’t the black widow and was just a badass old british lady.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the sane one.

Me: He flies into combat at 100 miles per hour with a jet pack and a tee shirt he is not the sane one.

The Roommate: Sam’s superpower is that he’s the emotionally balanced one?

Me: given the aforementioned armorless airborne combat situation that is highly fucking debatable my dude.

*SCREAMING*

HE’S HERE

let’s appreciate that Bucky is definitely flying this quinjet with a dead guy that he just murdered as his copilot.

i don’t know why that is so badass to me but it is

again, we don’t have time to unpack all of that, moving on.

Nick Fury: BITCH YOU THOUGHT

sidenote: i’m gonna really enjoy coming back to this movie after Captain Marvel. I can just feel it.

Maria is so casual about this. And that is an extremely sexy thing. I’m not sorry.

“Hey Sam, I’m gonna need a ride.”

Sam is still learning Rogersese and does not know that this means “I ALREADY DID THE STUPID THING PLEASE COME GET ME.”

Bucky ripping the wings off a beautiful butterfly

because Sam IS a beautiful butterfly.

except now his knees and legs and ankles are all broken because That’s How Bones Work.

he’s here

lol of course he’s got a knife.

I just love the sounds the arm makes.

butwedon’thavetimetounpackallofthat

the slide Bucky does here, this isn’t combat this is voguing.

Steve fights like the world is his barroom, bucky fights like the world is his catwalk.

“DON’T YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT,” Nicholas J Fury

what’s the found family version of a BroTP? I have that for Dad!Nick and Adopted!Soviet!Assassin!Daughter!Natasha.

found familotp? FFOTP? no, that sounds like some kind of tactical asset. “LAUNCH THE FFOTP”

anyway, get on this tumblr, i want at least 10 options on my desk by monday.

This Extra. He could honestly make a living playing Confederates and Klansmen, you know which extra I mean.

“wHere ahre the tahrgets?”

the targets... is we.

A DC Local Aside: Everyone on 495 is So Tired of this nonsense. I sincerely hope they all remembered to pee before they left work. I hope they have snacks and water in their cars. because they now live on 495.

this shitshow is gonna fuck up our already extremely fucked up traffic patterns for yeeeeaaaaarrrrrssssss

Sam’s a born quipper, so i really like it when he sees the helicarrier coming down and just fucking bolts. NO TIME FOR SASS WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE

“Got a location on Rogers?”

Don’t know where he is, but he’s doing something stupid, i Guarantee It.

“you know me.”

“nNOo I dOn’T!”

Oh Steve. You put that shield down So Often. And you keep having to fucking pick it up a-fucking-gain.

And This Was The Moment When We All Realized That We Were In Trouble.

Big Mood, Bucky. Big Mood.

Sam wasn’t on the approved visitor’s list or anything, he just winked at one (1) nurse and they let him in.

i know just what to say it’ll annoy him so fucking much. “on your left.”

“Why haven’t we heard from Captain Rogers?”

Because he is taking a damn nap.

no but seriously, because if we put him in front of a camera right now, you will get the Talking To of the Century.

*eight hours later, congress is crying, hydra has surrendered, fox news is shutting down, steve rogers is still going strong* “AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STUDENT DEBT!”

~cool guys don’t look at congressional meltdowns. They drop the mic and they walk away~

IT WAS CLEVELAND, IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

THEY FILMED IN CLEVELAND.

(they did film some in DC, obviously, but also cleveland.

*emoting at exhibits intensifies*

*SCREAMING INTENSIFIES*

in sum i have been typing for Too Long and I’m going to hit post so i can Go To Bed but there may need to be Corrections in the morning who tf knows

[evesbeve]

~All. Of. Them.~ ☺

99 gay-ish asks

… you know WHAT.

FINE.

I’LL DO ALL OF THEM.

LONG ANSWER UNDER THE TAG, HA V E FUN-

1. how tall are you?

I am 159cm aka 5′3ft!

2. what is your body type?

According to the first Google Image result I got, it’s between “Banana Shape” and “Apple Shape”. I have no idea who came up with these terms. But there you go.

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

My nails-

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

My hair is brunette, which is also my natural hair color!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

I’d like to think I’m outgoing, but we all know the truth rip

6. are you more femme or butch?

Depends on the day-

7. are you tol or smol?

I definitely wouldn’t call myself tol, so smol, I guess!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

Sober Mom

9. weird habit?

The door has to be either fully closed or fully open. Don’t fite me on this-

10. favorite meme?

Too many to count, but this is one of my favourites right now-

but also like, most of my faves at the moment are actually memes with pictures of me and my friends XD

11. do you sing in the shower?

Hell yes!!

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

Yep!

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

(Answered here)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Nope, but I’ve seen Aladdin’s counterpart to broadway in London! So it’s like, the exact same thing, but in London XD

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes. Do I think it makes them less enjoyable though? Nope.

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

It’s a complicated story, but I have!

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

Gooood, it’s been so long since I’ve played CAH! I have no idea ;;

18. last movie you watched?

I think it was Far From Home!

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

I’m usually the one taking pictures and filming my friends (they better thank me in 10 years) but to be honest, I wish they’d take some more pics of me to look back to too. I do enjoy filming though, so I guess behind!

20. favorite tv show?

Right now, it’s definitely The Umbrella Academy!

21. meaning behind your url

My name is Evelina, and I am online

22. reason you joined tumblr

To follow a project I used to like on YouTube ^^

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

I mean, @clumsinessinperson, @xxwhisperapplexx, @hollsheadcanons and @spinharmony started out as tumblr friends, but now we’ve known each other for more than a year and they’re my best friends in the world ;w;

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Olives. Peas. Crocs.

uPDATE: i READ THAT QUESTION WRONG, I THOUGHT IT SAID THE OPPOSITE, I LOVE ALL THESE THREE THINGS

I do hate BBQ sauce with PASSION though-

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

I mean, only when I got my teeth extracted XD

26. have you had sex?

Nope.

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

I’ve never sneaked out before, so nah. My phone caught me on my phone at 5am once, does that count?

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

(Answered here)

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

The ocean’s waves clash at the coast. They drown in themselves. They help the boats move. But sometimes, the ocean is quiet.

30. describe your best friend.

Nearly impossible to describe a 100 people in one sentence, but none of them have braincells.

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

NOT AGAIN, ANSWERED HERE.

32. how do you feel right now?

Energetic!!

33. what is your biggest fear?

Dying

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

(Answered here)

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Honestly, uploading my stories.

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

MANY TIMES. But hey, that’s life. And that doesn’t mean that it’ll always disappoint you. Keep trying, everyone!

37. something you fantasize about.

MEETING MY ONLINE FRIENDS IRL ;W;

38. last time you cried and why

This morning because I had a fight with my mom lmao

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

Me.

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Sure do *dabs*

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

@xxwhisperapplexx​, @clumsinessinperson​, @aesthetically-bitching​ and my other irl fren who doesn’t have tumblr but he is a dumbass!!

42. the last time you felt broken?

SEE 38, RIP (I’m okay now tho, dw!)

43. are you starting to realize anything?

I wanna be a director or a scriptwriter or something!! Just work in the movies!!

44. are you more dominant or more submissive?

Dominant, but I can be just as submissive!

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if I love you?? Why would I date someone I don’t love?

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Uhhh look, I’m 16, so the same age, lol. And even if I was older, age doesn’t matter as long as it’s not creepy and predatory, you know?

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

I don’t have a crush at the moment, thANK GOD.

48. do you have any kinks?

Bye.

49. first thing you notice in a person?

(Answered here)

50. how can someone win your heart?

Step One: Stan Ben Hargreeves.

51. been rejected by a crush?

Nop. Never confessed-

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Yes.

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No.

54. is trust a big issue for you?

I mean, I wouldn’t trust someone I just met with my life, but I do have faith in people ^^

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I do not,,, have a crush,,,

56. is confidence cute?

Everything positive is cute.

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

I don’t like someone right now but if it were to happen, I wouldn’t say anything? It’s their life.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Everyone makes me laugh. I must hate the person then XD

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH AAAAA

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yes, like a bazillion times.

61. do you want to get married

I’m open to it!

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

Honestly, I was trying to think of a serious answer, I PROMISE, but then I remembered that when I was little my parents had pissed me off so badly, and I quoted a Barbie movie that said “You’re ruining my life!” like an angry toddler.

Then they threatened to never let me watch Barbie again because it was a bad influence, anD I MEAN. It was what it was XD

Note: They never banned Barbie.

63. three things that turn you on.

How did you know I was an android.

64. who do you hate?

Hate is a strong word, lmao.

65. favorite term of endearment?

Unironically, it’s “boo” XD

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS A QUESTION LIKE THAT, honestly I do not remember. Probably someone from Winx.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Both are valid.

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

I don’t look, they hit me in the head.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

All. All the girls.

70. are you good at flirting?

Yes, actually XD

71. who was the first person you came out to?

Probably @aesthetically-bitching​, I think!

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

yeet

73. is your crush wlw?

don’t have a crush, but used to-

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

I have no idea, I’ve known I was bi since 6th grade.

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

Not all the steps you walked on are stableBut that’s okayReaching the top requires a few

76. do you fall in love easily?

I’ve only fallen like in love twice. Crushes are way different, and I’d say kinda…?

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yeah. But I hate talking about it.

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yep. If you notice I’m sad, I want you to notice I’m sad.

79. are you a forgiving person?

Mhm!

80. what is your “type?”

Ironically, Eudora Patch from The Umbrella Academy is a very good depiction of my type. (Note: Personality wise. Looks genuinely don’t matter to me, everyone is BEAUTIFUL.)

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

I am a little spoon inside and out-

82. tall girls or short girls?

Doesn’t matter-

83. hugs or kisses?

Hugs!! kisses kinda make me uncomfortable most of the time to be honest

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

b O T H

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

Tummy-

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

Hairline,,,

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

Hair!!

88. making out or soft kisses?

Soft kisses, definitely. Not that I’ve kissed anyone before, but oh well XD

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

Neck…? I’d say neck.

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

It took me a while, but I am very confident in it right now!

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

Butterflies™

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

I have, and I told them absolutely nothing

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

*shrugs* young XD

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

All girls are cute girls. So many things.

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

THIS QUESTION IS STRESSING ME OUT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE. Honestly, Alphys and Undyne are a hard one to top, aND ALSO CANON

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

“You’re just confused.”

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

… I don’t know what to tell you.

98. what is love to you?

Love is complicated.

To me, it’s not about having a partner. Actually, loving someone regardless of romantic feelings is way more important, in my opinion. These things can co-exist, and loving a friend is just as important loving a lover.

The lack of it can hurt, especially being forced out of it. But feeling love? I don’t know. It’s one of the most beautiful feelings ever. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by it.

I really love this article on it! It’s about the 8 types of love the ancient greeks had, and as I greek person myself, I think highly of it. I highly recommend reading it!

99. ask me anything. (bUt since no one specified, I’ll ask myself: Why do this and what did I learn from this?)

I did this because I am stubborn. Also I genuinely liked the questions XD

What I learned from this experience is that I really love answering questions, oops-

If you made it this far, I don’t know what to tell you. You deserve a golden star, my dude.

ANYWAY, NEVER AGAIN.

[mysticpenguincreation]

So I’ve watched (partially) leaked episodes of American Gods and there is no way I’m not gonna post about it.

Clear and explicit spoilers are under the cut, so read away at your own risk.

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED.

This is going to be mainly about the one and only, my love #1 Mad Sweeney.

Before I get down to business, I have to make some points clear.

1. In my opinion, AG is one of the BEST shows to grace our screens in many many long years, because:

It’s based on Neil Gaiman novel.

Storytelling is compelling.

Have you seen the editing? The lights and colors? The camera work?! This shit is AMAZING. There are few things I like more about the shows than good editing and visual aesthetics. And this right here? It’s pure pleasure.

The casting and acting is mind-blowing.

2. I know better than fixate on only one character, because the whole plot, the story in general is so much more than fate of one character (even if they’re the lead).

With that being stated in advance, I would like to clarify that AG is a complex story created through crossing paths of many different characters. It’s not about Mr. Wednesday, it’s not even about Shadow Moon and it’s sure as hell is not about Mad Sweeney.

But the latest was the reason why I was renewing AG and his tags this whole fucking week. So when THREE episodes (INCLUDED the one dedicated to Sweeney) were leaked in my country at three in the morning, I, tired from work and lack of sleep, naturally decided to give middle finger to my master’s thesis and watch them.

Unfortunately, I am no god and have basic human needs, so I’ve only watched parts regarding Sweeney, but I’m sure as hell watching whole episodes later.

And finally to the points:

Episode 2x05.

Sweeney thinking at first that Laura was an angel made me laugh so hard.

She was so fucking jealous of him, when he was flirting with this blonde girl! And then he looked right at Laura!!! He knew what he was doing and it was working!

He was so fucking jealous when this voodoo couple started to get sexy with Laura! Oh how he didn’t like it!

Let me tell you, this scene made me hot all over. He’s savage, huge and built like a brick wall. I’d climb this fine piece of fairy-godlike king any day any time.

At first I was disappointed because ‘THE HELL! So it was JUST the Horde and Sweeney’s deepest desires?! They’re gonna go and fuck different people’. I’d ideally prefer them to fuck each other, at the lack of better option this happening in an orgy, but to become swingers without actually having sex even once? C’mon guys! But my fears were in vain, eventually everything happened the way it should have happened.

Laura is so smol and Sweeney is HUGE. They’re outing my (enormous) size kink / height/built difference kink.

This scene was what I was anticipating since midseason 1 and I FINALLY GOT IT GODDAMIT!

First few seconds of ‘the morning after’ were just too damn hilarious.

Sweeney is not good at dealing with his shit, but Laura confirmed that she is way way worse. She didn’t know how to deal with him, this situation and her (or his for this matter) feelings anymore. So she fled and hurt my ginger giant bb in the process.

Episode 2x06.

There is no Laura or Sweeney in this one, so I skipped through it in like 5 min and understood next to nothing.

HOWEVER! This ep. featured my beautiful love #2 Tech Boy (a sight for sore eyes). In one of his recent interviews Bruce said that Tech Boy is a God of Technology, but technology can be many things. Like for our ancestors a sharp stone fixated on the end of the stick was already a technology. So maybe Tech Boy’s purpose is to renovate and update himself in accordance with the change of times. Maybe ithat’s what let him pass as the “New God”, when in reality he might be one of the oldest of the “Old Gods”. It’s an interesting theory and a glimpse of it is shown in ep. 6 through Tech Boy and Wednesday’s (!!!) common history, but in order to understand it I had to watch it, and now I have to prioritize and simply don’t have time for that. Though, my beautiful Tech Boy, I’m glad that you can show up at the most of unexpected of times and give me feels, when there’s not even one Sweeney within a mile.

Episode 2x07.

WHERE TO BEGIN!

In order to write this AND get some sleep I had to skip some parts of Sweeney’s story too, so please forgive me for any misunderstandings.

Of course I read all the theories based on what was in the book and how it correlated with the story in the show now. I was impatiently waiting and dreading this episode at the same time.

This ep. Sweeney was all about destruction and madness. More so than usual. He was unhinged and I loved him about it.

So much self-loathing. It was so brilliant I couldn’t watch it.

The fact that Sweeney couldn’t remember his own story was just plainly terrifying. When people loose faith in you and forget you it’s one thing. But when you loose faith in yourself so much that you can’t remember who you are anymore is depressing and legitimately scary.

He must have been freaking out of his fucking mind cause of constantly seeing Banshees. He might have told Shadow not to interfere, but he instantly knew that this time these women were crying for him.

I was happy to see that once, long long time ago he was loved. He knew what true happiness was. Even if we had to watch him fall so far (NOT HIS FAULT BY THE WAY).

I loved every single verbal drop about Sweeney caring for (possibility being nuts deep in love with) Laura:

How he couldn’t get it up for hot redheaded voodoo queen until she called him out on it.

How he was broken and laughing madly under this bridge about Laura leaving him AGAIN.

I hate Wednesday guts, but he saw right through Sweeney with this one eye of his. ‘She fucked you, broke your heart and left you’. Cruel, but hit too close to home.

Conversation with Salim. Sweeney: ‘It’s his fight, not yours. You don’t have to die. Just go and leave it all behind’. Salim: ‘No, I’m staying with him’. ‘Why?’ ‘I guess it’s what love is’. ‘Would he have done the same for you if the roles were reversed? What if someone ordered him to kill you? Would he have done that [while loving you]?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Ugh, nothing. Forget it’. Like come on!!! This conversation takes place RIGHT AFTER Wednesday orders Sweeney to “finish his job” and kill Laura for good. Sweeney and Salim are talking about love and loved ones and what they would/wouldn’t have done for them! Sweeney’s implying Laura and love in one sentence! It’s the most explicit articulate closest to confession thing that we got from Sweeney aside from multiple defensive Fuck you’s said to different people and longing glances when she isn’t looking.

Little side note: Salim might be the sweetest person in the world but I wanted to punch him in the face so hard, when he said that it’s pointless to explain the concept of love to someone who’s never felt it. I know that Sweeney was never nice to him, but it’s rich coming from human to go and assume something about a creature that’s walked this Earth for centuries. You don’t know him well enough. So, please, kindly shut up.

(8) The bloodbath scene from times when Sweeney was a god once was just poetic cinema. I was SO looking forward to it when the trailer came out. Barbaric, savage, courageous, spear-throwing, ripping-out-throats-with-bare-teeth, crushing-skulls-with-bare-hands. Just the way I like them👌

(9) Sweeney with ass long red mane dressed in next to nothing but blue paint is the image that burnt into my mind and the reason I was living for.

(10) They fucking did it. They killed him. THEY BROKE ME.

Regarding Sweeney’s death I have QUITE A LOT OF THINGS TO SAY:

I knew it was coming but still hoped they wouldn’t go through with it. As much as it hurts, I respect this decision. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do and cut the cord. Sweeney’s death was in the book. It’s what was necessary for the story to move forward (see point 2 at the beginning of the post). It’s better this way than for his character to be dragged around the story just for fan service (as much as it pains me to admit it, BECAUSE I WANT THIS FAN SERVICE GODDAMIT!).

As far as I know in the book Shadow was indirectly involved in Sweeney’s death. It was honestly the redhead’s fault only. The way he went out was pathetic, so I’m glad that they changed it according with the development of tv character.

Shadow. You fucking gave your word. Not. To. Interfere. Fine, I get it, you’re Wednesday’s man, you have to protect him (even after Sweeney reveled the whole truth, seriously, Shadow?!), BUT DON’T GO POKE AT PEOPLE WITH A GIGANTIC POINTY STICK IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO ISE IT!!! I know it was an accident, he didn’t truly MEAN it, but maybe it even makes it worse.

This ‘I’m sorry’, I can’t even discuss it. Sorry doesn’t fucking cut it, Shadow!!!

I know that people say that Shadow’s speech at Sweeney’s wake is a beautiful part of the book, but with the way things turned out in the show, I don’t think that Shadow deserves to make this speech.

Sweeney, my bb went out like a fucking champ. Ruining old fart’s plans and taking the spear somewhere he can never reach it anymore. My hero ❤️ I hope Wednesday didn’t foresee it and it wasn’t another grand part of his plans. I want Sweeney to fuck him up good. He died because he didn’t want to be Wednesday’s bitch and I wouldn’t want him to be that especially in his death.

I wish Laura could see it with her own eyes. The last big FUCK YOU from Mad Sweeney.

In conclusion:

Mad Sweeney was barely on Old Gods’ side, I bet he would have gone minding his own business if it wasn’t for Wednesday’s debt.

With Sweeney gone now, fuck the Old Gods, I’m going to the New Gods’ side.

But at the same time Tech Boy is “deleted” or “fired” or whatever.

So basically now, I don’t really give a shit who wins now and who loses. They can kill each other until no one’s left, for all I care.

AG is still great and moving forward.

I’m still interested in the story, but I can’t bring myself to be invested anymore.

SIDE NOTES:

I know better than to hope, but I need a reaction out of Laura regarding Sweeney’s death.

It’ll probably never happen, but I hope Laura will crush Shadow’s nuts.

And spears Mr. Wednesday.

I wonder how Laura’s undead state will be affected now with Sweeney and his horde and his magic gone. Will his lucky coin work the same?

Laura is capable of surviving and protecting herself. She needs no one to do that for her. But Sweeney was ready to run to her, do anything for her as soon as she snapped her fingers. How much will it affect her? Will she appreciate him now?

I might have had some other notes, but I’ve tried for 2,5 hours to carefully and logically arrange this post without insulting any character TOO MUCH and now my brain’s exploding.

Please, feel free to talk to me about the FEELS, because I’m heartbroken and don’t know how to deal with it.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 2: Thoughts on The 100 2x05, Human Trials

Thoughts on Human Trials

They set up an electronic gate really fast, didn’t they? An efficient people. I think of the big Arkadia wall as really being a S3 thing, but they had to specifically unlock the entrance to get Clarke in.

Clarke & Abby was another relationship they really destroyed, huh? “That’s not a prisoner. That’s my daughter.”

Omg, Clarke thought Abby was dead this whole time. I completely forgot about that. I mean, I remember that she saw the Exodus ship explode, but I forgot that she had no way of knowing up until now that Abby wasn’t on it. Technically, Abby should have been a bit of a surprise to Bellamy and Finn, too, but I guess they had bigger surprises to deal with at the time.

I kind of miss Byrne tbh.

Six people made it to Camp Jaha. That’s Bellamy, Finn, Monroe, Sterling (RIP), Raven, and I guess Murphy is the last one, although as far as I can remember, the last Clarke saw him he was blasting a hole in the dropship and running away into the woods. So she probably wouldn’t guess he was one.

Jasper looking for Clarke 3-4 times a day in medical just tears me up inside. He’s so loyal. He feels all emotions on such a large scale. And his disbelief that Clarke would abandon them.... Who was it who theorized that Jasper was more upset about Clarke abandoning them in Mount Weather than abandoning them in 2x16 because I’ve never been certain I agree but I am intrigued.

Raymond J. Berry is so underrated.

I tend to think that Dante is sincere in offering Jasper the chance to leave and come back but I also think that this is a perhaps unintentionally cruel test because of all of the 48, Jasper is the one for whom it would be hardest to step back outside the bunker even on a mission of great personal importance.

“I have to believe they didn’t survive here all this time by fighting.” But like, actually.... didn’t they? RIP to my mom’s theory that ALIE kept the Grounders in a constant state of war to discourage population growth.

“In Grounder Creole.” I mean I guess that’s one word for it.

Clarke’s incredulousness that her mother is Chancellor is semi-hllarious.

She keeps on mentioning Finn and Bellamy as the most important people--were they among the six who made it? Where are they?

And yet RAVEN was the one who was waiting outside for her all night. Outside that shitty little medical tent. With her little tablet, reading. RIP Princess Mechanic.

Too bad Clarke put on pants before The Hug or think how much better it could have been lol.

I could watch them hug all day. Just this scene man. The best. I’m such a simple person. This is all I want. People smiling and being fond of each other.

Bellamy’s face when Clarke says she’s the only one who came back.

That Mount Weather/Reaper stuff is fully fucked up and I don’t think the show ever did anything more outrageous than this season. Which is why it should have stepped back from trying to be outrageous.

I really like scenes like this one with Bellarke and Abby, the tension in the power structure being so uncertain. Kane is the Chancellor, but Abby is also, and there are multiple groups of people out there with different levels of information, working toward different ends, and different ideas about who should be prioritized, and why, and Bellamy and Clarke are used to having the power to make those decision but now they don’t--just the intricacy of the plot at this point in the narrative. I love it. I love power dynamics and stuff like that. Also, while I get why Abby doesn’t want Clarke to leave, Bellamy is 100% right that she owes aid to Murphy and Finn, and Clarke is 100% right that, tactically speaking, cutting them loose is dumb, because they could easily create problems with the Grounders--which, in fact, they do.

Clarke’s “We’re gonna need guns” is so hot.

Adventure Squad to the rescue!

Electric fence. And Wick helping them out. I love Octavia actually looks younger than them here even though objectively speaking Marie is not. ALSO the massacre happens at Lincoln’s village but isn’t he from TonDC, which also had that bomb drop on it? Or am I confusing things? Because if so, damn, that’s a lot of bad luck lol.

So Monty would have left immediately to go after Clarke and Jasper wouldn’t--in part because he’s afraid but I also think he does feel betrayed that she left them, which Monty really doesn’t seem to care about. Interesting. And then of course the containment breach, organized to distract them and keep them from leaving. Not sure how to fully unpack that. I will note that Monty sees Maya being irradiated, which is to say that when he opens the vents in 2x16, he knows what that will do, down to the details, what it looks like, everything, and Jasper does too. Also interesting that Maya doesn’t want Jasper to leave, thinks it’s “smart” to stay. Because she doesn’t like Clarke? Because she fears the outsiders? Yet isn’t the greatest wish of her people to see the ground?

Also looks like they’re already prisoners given that you need a keycard to get out of the dorms.

I find it intensely suspicious that the Grounder blood didn’t work on Maya, since I’m sure they’ve seen radiation that bad before--the guy Clarke saw was pretty well covered if I remember correctly. I think they just weren’t doing anything, to try to get Jasper to volunteer as a subject. But is this done with or without Dante’s knowledge? I am going to say without personally.

“I know that look.” Monty knows Jasper’s ‘I’m gonna do something stupid’ look lol. Also, he is brave! He is!!

Bellamy looking at Clarke by the fire is so capital-R Romantic. They’re so efficient at comforting each other that he literally does the entire conversation re: guilt over closing the dropship door on him by himself. Don’t worry babe, I got this forgiveness narrative down.

Finn... is such a weird character. I don’t actually dislike his arc but it’s so hard to tell, for example, how smart he is, the details of him. He’s certainly very weak. Cracks under pressure, loses whatever moral compass he had at the first convenience. And what of Murphy? He’s uncomfortable with what is happening but for whatever reason seems to find himself unable to stop Finn even as he inches closer and closer to something terrible.

Is their leader... Indra?

Jasper’s “heavily sedated” face and Monty’s reaction lol. “Nothing, I feel nice.” And Monty’s eye roll. Bitch why are you so judgemental? Like you haven’t heavily sedated yourself for fun. And the classic ‘no, not going anywhere’ Monty gesture. Truly an Icon.

Ooh, I like this little outdoor cafeteria/bar. Forgot about that. Forgot about how much in S2 was outdoors or in tents.

I remember when Doctor Mechanic was a significant rare pair/side ship and you know what, I rather miss it. I was never really on board but I can see the appeal.

Minus the slapping, obviously. Which doesn’t even really fit in this scene imo.

“She stopped being a kid the day you sent her down here to die” is of course an iconic line but tbh it’s not really fair. More fair since Abby just slapped her but like--it’s a little late to be pulling that card. If they’d stayed on the Ark, more of them would have died than died in S1 on the ground, imo. And at this point that’s basically already known.

I wonder what all the ‘warning radiation area’ signs are from. Was there a post-bomb period where survivors lived on the ground and divided the worst radiation sites from the more habitable areas? Also the “no weapons beyond this point” sign clearly pre-dates the Grounders. And it’s in English.

Kane’s optimism/pacifism is really halfway and to that extent, what does he expect. Also is there prison a subway station? What a ridiculous but great way to bring Kane and Jaha back together again.

Yet again floored by this set design at the Grounder village.

Tbh I find it highly unrealistic that that amount of forest could have grown up on the National Mall in 100 years. And where are the other monuments?

Bellamy’s handdddddddddddddddddds.

Or maybe they just made Maya extra sick. So the treatment of circulating her blood through Jasper’s system is the same one they use with the Grounders, so it isn’t so much taking Grounder blood, as I tended to think of it, as using the Grounder circulatory system. But obviously this can be done without kiillng the person--so do they just use each body repeatedly until it... dies? I realize trying to find order in this is futile but I’m curious anyway.

“We all have jobs to do. Mine is to be obeyed” should have gone down in the canon of great lines. It’s certainly much better than some others I can think of.

I don’t believe Dante took the kids to experiment on them, what with his intense aversion to the experiments, and the way he gets attached first to Clarke and then to Jasper. But then, truly, as Tsing says, why take them? What was the endgame here?

“We have no choice but to move ahead with the 47″ is truly one of the weakest forms of ‘no choice’ on this show. Because, I mean, you do have a choice. You’ve discovered that they’re useful to you, but that doesn’t mean you HAVE to do the useful but completely immoral thing, that’s quite an obvious example of wanting, not needing.

No one can convince me that Dante is straight with scarves like that.

So in other words, Delano, of one-eyed Delano fame, was like the Murphy of TonDC. Don’t cast people out, nothing good comes of exile.

Finn’s “I found you” at the end is top 5 creepiest moments in this series and no I am not taking criticism on this post.

[lisinfleur]

LOTL - Chapter 04: Fate, Blood, and Tears

Author’s notes: I took some more time to write this and I’m sorry for being late, but well… I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings: violence, mentions of blood, death, heathenry, witchery, magical creatures and fantasy.

Words: 2304

“What are you doing? SIV! STOP!!”

Siv ignored Sigurd's appeals, mounting the woman beneath her, punching her face as many times as she could with the guard of her sword in her hand before she could feel Sigurd's arms around her waist, forcing her to let go of the sword and dragging her away from Nævia’s body, who shrunk at the ground, playing the harmless damsel in distress.

But Siv's eyes didn't miss the smiles Nævia’s lips gave to her in between the punches, or the debauched expression she had in her face, looking at her with the sclera of her eyes fully covered in black, showing her true face only for Siv to see. She was playing. Having fun.

Sigurd was nothing but a game for her.

"Let me go! Sigurd, let me fucking go!!" Siv insisted, fighting his grip with all her strength, trying to get rid of it until he turned her for him, pushing her away from his own body and placing himself in between her and Nævia in her false agony.

"What's wrong with you!? Why are you doing this? Siv... I thought we were..."

"NO!" Siv yelled when he came closer to Nævia while talking, intending to comfort what he thought it was his girlfriend.

She saw the lady suddenly gripping his arm with one of her hands and his nape with the other, pulling him closer and sealing her lips to his, cutting his sentence with a poisoned kiss.

Siv could see this time when the black trails of the poison started coming from Nævia's lips to Sigurd's, staining the skin around his lips, causing him to sigh that blue mist once again. But She didn't wait for Nævia to take any more time from Sigurd's life. Furiously, she attacked the lady who let go off Sigurd's body to defend herself from Siv's fury.

And so... That happened: with a thin hiss that almost made Siv's ears bleed, forcing her to hold back the first attack, the Lady showed her true colors in a partial mutation.

Her skin became blue, her eyes and scleras completely black, so as her nails in the tip of the long thin fingers that looked like claws pretty sharp and hard. The long and beautiful hair became straight and strange like the moss around the rocks near the lake edges, cascading over her thin shoulders as if it was running through her body, viscous. The dress became a part of her skin - an area with different darkest color over that slimy skin that seemed to cover the entire body of the Lady from her boobs down to the legs. Her arms were connected to her torso by some membranous projections of her skin and when she hissed, Siv saw the openings in her chest becoming large as if she had gills, like a fish, through her entire chest box.

Siv looked towards Sigurd. It was what Floki told her to show him. But the Lady's kiss had got him unconscious and he was laid on the ground, eyes fixed on nowhere, still open this time. That mist of his life floating around his mouth as if it was waiting for the Lady to come and breath it.

Nævia chuckled at Siv's expression, noticing what she was trying to do.

"Did you really thought I would let him awake to see me, little friend? So innocent... Intelligent, but still too innocent. However, I must thank you for coming here, sweet Siv... I will finish you before he awakes and when he notices your death, sweet Sigurd's heart will be broken again. It will be a pleasure to be the only one able to heal his wounds..." She teased, rolling her tongue through her lips, anxious for the meal she was enjoying so much before Siv's interference.

That's what Sigurd was for her, after all: a tasty dish, a meal. And this notion only made Siv's heart rush a little more into her chest. Her blood boiling furious into her veins when she lowered herself down, closing Sigurd's eyes and whispering in his ear while picking up her sword from the ground.

"If I can't show you the truth, I'll fight and kill her before she can hurt you again, my love. And I promise you, she won't be here when you wake up. And if I die, as Ivar said... I'll see you in Valhalla someday, my prince. Because I'll take this witch with me so she can’t steal any more of your days".

Somehow, Sigurd seemed to hear her, because he sighed again in his illusion and the mist that was surrounding his mouth came in, vanishing into his body as if he had recovered the energy Nævia took from him.

It caused the Lady to chuckle once again.

"True love... Such a beautiful and useless thing..."

"Less talk, more fight, bitch!" Siv said, and Nævia opened her claws, hissing again, showing herself ready to receive Siv's attacks that didn't come late.

Siv knew she wasn't only fighting for her prince, but now it was her own life at risk. Floki and Ivar were right and she could die fighting for Sigurd - something that soon became clear when the Lady spilled the first blood, scratching Siv's arm where it was supposed to be a shield.

Siv grunted, pulling a step behind, feeling the burning sensation in her arm. She was used to sword and shield. Sword and ax... Not the sword alone. But it wasn't time to pull back!

It wasn't time to fail.

"I'll cut you alive... Slowly," Nævia hissed, attacking again.

The Lady was agile and soon, Siv had some more scratches to count. Her arms, her legs, and her waist had scratches from the creature and she was able only to open a huge cut in Nævia's flank, not so deep, but enough to irritate the creature who slapped her hand against Siv's face, throwing her on the ground with a large scratch in her face that almost cost her left eye.

Hissing, the creature took some time to check the cut and Siv, to try to get up.

More and more she was seeing that fight wasn't so easy to be won and maybe, she would know the Valhalla earlier than she was intending.

Over her knees, with her elbows on the ground, she looked at Sigurd who was laid not far from where she fell. His breath was disturbed, restless. Somehow, the dream Nævia's kiss threw him into wasn't that good or deep this time.

Siv smiled.

"I wish I had told you before, snake-eyes..." she said, getting up.

One hand covering the scratches in her waist, the other holding the sword, stained in a mixture of the creature's blood and her own.

She came closer to Sigurd and smiled, speaking only for him, almost like a last goodbye.

"I love you, silly one. And I would have waited for you. I'm still waiting for you. I will be waiting for you in Valhalla, Sigs. Come and find me...".

Siv heard Nævia's hiss once again and her grip on the sword became tighter. She knew the creature was coming for her and this time, she would try for one last hit. Siv knew, with the guard down as she became to induce Nævia's mistake, that the Lady would hit to kill and probably it would be her last chance to take Nævia with her and protect Sigurd's life.

She knew, in her core, it was the last time she was seeing her sweet prince.

"Forgive me, Sigs... I love you."

Sigurd's eyes opened towards her right on time to see when Nævia's sharp claws crossed Siv's waist in four different spots, causing the shieldmaiden to squeal, in pain, swirling her sword, crossing Nævia's shoulder towards her heart.

A beautiful strike. But not deep enough...

The lady hissed, infuriated, seeing Sigurd's eyes opened. And instead of ripping Siv's waist by pulling her fingers out, she tried to pull Siv into the Lake, to hide her form from Sigurd's eyes into the waters using Siv's body as protection, trying to cover herself from the prince’s gaze.

A scared Sigurd watched Siv disappearing in the lake with that horrid thing dragging her into the water and it was enough to force his dizzy brain to work faster than it really could at that moment. His hands groped his own waist missing his axes and Sigurd cursed not bringing them with him. With no other choice, the prince dove into the lake after Siv, unarmed, and his eyes could see perfectly the strange creature who was embracing her, swimming down and down with the legs finishing a conversion into a big and blued fishtail, leaving a trail of Siv's blood in the water, clearly trying to drown the shieldmaiden to death.

The faster he could, Sigurd swam towards them, pulling Siv's sword from the creature's body, forcing her to let go of Siv's wounded body with the pain.

Pulling Siv by her clothes, Sigurd kicked the strange siren with a strong stomp against her wound, forcing her back and using her as a step to take an upward momentum, gaining some distance from her, carrying Siv towards the edge of the lake.

The shieldmaiden coughed lots of water when they came out of the water, crawling a few centimeters forward and falling laid with her back against the ground, still bleeding.

And when Nævia came out of the lake with her claws ready to slice Siv alive, Sigurd sunk her sword straight into the heart of the creature, pushing it a little more until the guard touched Nævia's chest and twisting it, opening the wound in a huge hole, causing her to produce a terrible suffocated sound before her body started to become black and slimy, melting into a strange substance that disappeared mixing with the lake's water.

Siv coughed again and Sigurd let go of the sword, turning his attention to her. She had a hand around her waist, covering the circular wounds Nævia had did in her belly, near the right side: four perforations that weren't that large, but were trespassing Siv's body from her front to her back, creating a red stain in the ground beneath her.

"No, no, no! Siv!" his voice echoed, despaired, as Sigurd took off his cloak, trying to use the cloth to press the wounds and prevent the bleeding to continue.

But it was hard with the wounds on both sides of her body.

His hands were shaking as he was trying to find a way to help his precious Siv. However, she smiled, touching his face.

"You heard me, didn't you?" she asked with a pained voice, attracting Sigurd's eyes towards her.

"I did. I heard you, Siv. You shouldn't have hurt yourself for me! Shit!" he cursed and she smiled again.

"I love you, you idiot... I wouldn't... I wouldn't die for anyone else".

Her chuckle and voice were becoming even more pained and Sigurd's despair became bigger.

"Stop it! You won't die, ok? You won't fucking die! Don't you fucking dare to leave me!" he shouted, in agony, tying his cloak around Siv's waist and lifting her up to his arms.

She grunted in pain, but still, she smiled.

"I had to be near death to assume what I feel for you. What shit of a wife will I be?" Siv joked.

Sigurd knew her: she was trying to forget the pain by joking, laughing, pretending it wasn't hurting her as she always did.

She always did.

She always was there for him.

She always loved him.

How could he be so stupidly blind?

She was there, all the time, by his side, sharing his days, hearing his pain, even trying to support him when he was foolishly telling her details about the stupid love he had for Margrethe.

She listened to every single word, trying to soothe his pain and holding her own while he was ripping pieces of her heart, slowly. She suffered silently all those years while he was there, in love for a woman who exchanged him for his own brother.

Giving his heart to a woman who wanted a crown when his precious Siv was there, fighting to the death for his life.

Stupid...

For the first time, he agreed with Ivar and thought himself a stupid blind idiot who wasn't able to see what was in front of his eyes.

His feet were running as fast as he could to reach the town, the hall, but fuck! How deep in the woods he went for that strange thing he thought was his lover?

Sigurd’s eyes finally saw the end of the woods and the little way to the hall's doors and he felt his heart a little relieved when Siv's voice sounded under his chin - she had nestled her face near his neck.

Her voice was so low...

"Sigs..." she mumbled.

"I'm listening. We're almost there, Siv, hold on, please..." he begged, jumping the little fence of the garden to cut the way to his destiny.

His cloak was wet of her blood and her body was starting to weight too much in his arms.

But it was her voice, too low, that caused Sigurd's heart to break in despair.

"Will you find me in Valhalla... If I die?"

He had no time to answer: Siv's head fell back and her body weighted completely in his arms right at the moment he reached the doors of the Great Hall.

And then, his voice broke in a scream that would reach every single corner of that place.

"HEALER!"

The run against the time had begun and Sigurd only was sure of a single thing: He couldn't lose her.

No matter what.

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