#BC THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENED WITH BREAD A HUNDRED YEARS AGO

[zigcarnivorous]

you know what nobody needs. Mass market bread. Bread is exceedingly easy, homeslice, it is really dumb to SHIP BREAD AROUND .???? 'Mass' market?

Even capitalists would agree, forgive me, it is cheaper to bake the bread as near to the market as possible. Which maximizes freshness and REDUCES SHIPPING AND FUEL COSTS. HELLO

BREAD DOES NOT NEED MASS MARKETING YOU STUPID CAPITALIST PIGLET hellllppppp

Is yeast illegal what is this mentality. BAKE BITCH

[goddessdoeswitchery]

Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism: Technically, the pillars were never actually a “thing”. Unlike then 10 commandments, the pillars were never taught as a set of rules that everyone knew by the name “Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism”, or any variation thereof. What modern day practitioners of Hellenic Polytheism call “The Pillars” were essentially religious and cultural practices that were taught by family and friends via every day practices. The pillars were an essential part of the culture of Ancient Greece, taught to them the same way customs like tipping, saying “bless you” at sneezing, and the now-common practice of wearing a mask everywhere are taught to us today. In recreating Hellenic Polytheism for the modern age, the Pillars grew out of a need for a set of guidelines to help us recreate a very old religion.

First up, Xenia. Xenia means “Guest Friendship” and is a set of rules for when a guest comes calling on your home. This set of rules applies to both the host and guest. It is one of the most sacred rules in Hellenic Polytheism, and features heavily in several myths, as well as the Illiad and the Odyssey. Often times, the myths show what happens when someone fails to follow the rules, and it is never a good thing. Zeus himself, under one of his epithets Zeus Xenios, is the embodiment of the religious obligation of being hospitable as both host and guest. In general, the host was meant to be hospitable. This included providing the guests with food, drink, gifts, protection, and even safe travel to their next destination. The guests were required to not be a burden or a threat, provide news and tales of where they had been, and to reciprocate if the host ever showed up their place. In the Illiad, violation of Xenia led to the Trojan war when Paris, the guest, kidnapped his host’s, Menelaus, daughter. The Achaens were required to avenge this insult, because violating Xenia was a massive insult to Zeus and his authority as Zeus Xenios. In the Odyssey, when the suitors of Penelope begin to eat her out of house and home, they violated Xenia by being a burden to her. They also violate Xenia by being rude their host and the other guests in the home.

But how does someone practice this in the modern world where travel is almost always safe and news is delivered to our home not by bards and guests but by social media and the internet?

Xenia should be a belief that guides us everyday, because everyday we play host or guest in our community. When a friend needs help moving, when a neighbor has lost their animal, when we visit a friend or relative, when we run into an old acquaintance at the store, when we see someone in need, when we run into strangers on the street; anytime you interact with another person, when you visit someone, when you stay at a hotel or AirBNB, even at the voting booth, anytime you deal with someone or have an influence on your community, you have a chance to practice Xenia. Xenia goes beyond the simple rules of guest and host and informs how we interact with everyone everyday, because it is tied to our community, especially with philanthropy.

Let’s break this down bit by bit so you can see good examples of how exactly Xenia can inform each of these interactions. Some of these examples will be simply examples, and some of them will be reflective of real life situations I or others have faced in the last few months.

A few years back, the home I shared with my mom, my sister, and my children caught fire. We were left with very few personal items, and no place to live. My uncle, who lived several hundred miles away, practiced Xenia by offering to pay for the deposit and move in fees for an apartment complex. The community we lived in practiced good Xenia by donating items we badly needed, such as beds, clothing, toys for the kids, and much needed housewares like microwaves, pots and pans, and silverware. Several members of the community organized a drive to help us replace many of the items we lost and guided us to food banks that helped us with electricity deposits and the first few months’ worth of bills. Every person we interacted with practiced Xenia, even if they had no idea that they were doing so at the time.

About 2 years ago, we found a small dog in front of our local grocery store. There was no collar, no chip, and the poor thing was half-starved and filthy. We took it home, cleaned it, cared for it, and then took actions to return the puppy to her rightful owner. We put up signs, made posts on Facebook, called every animal shelter in 80 miles, and searched lost and found pages, groups, and posts on every social media site we could think of. 3 days later, we found the owners, a newlywed couple who had come home to find the front door of their home open and the puppy they had gotten 2 weeks ago gone. When we took care of the animal and made every effort to find her owner, we put into practice the basic principles of Xenia by playing good hosts to the animal in our care. Xenia does not just inform our actions for people, but is also informs how we should treat every living thing.

Now for an example that includes both good and bad xenia, in it’s purest form of being a guest and a host. Say you are visiting family out of town, and you bring a bottle of wine. The wine is a good gift on your part as a guest, and is an example of good xenia. You don’t overstay your welcome, you go home early because you know your hosts have an early morning the next day, you take care to not cause any mess, and you use your manners flawlessly. Then, 2 weeks later, your host pays a visit to you. They bring their spouse and kids along. They fail to bring any gift, allow their kids to eat all the snacks in your cupboard, drink all of your soda that was supposed to last all week, overstay their welcome by sticking around for dinner even when it is obvious that you didn’t plan on having an extra 5 people over for dinner, don’t clean up after their kids or even watch them, and don’t leave until after 10 pm even though you mention time and again that you have to leave at 6 tomorrow morning for an early start to work. Outside of paying a return visit to you, your guests have been a perfect example of how to violate the rules of Xenia at every turn. And we all have one of those friends or family. The ones who never can take a hint and eventually wind up being unwelcome at your house, or any other simply because they’ve violated the rules of Xenia so often.

When we run into strangers or acquaintances, we can practice good Xenia by simply inquiring after them, if they have the time. Simply saying “Hey, how’s it going?” or “How are you?” can go a long way in being an extension of Xenia outside the home. My job has made Xenia a rule of thumb without knowing even know it, by insisting that we Stand, Smile, and Greet every customer, move around the counter to sit with them at a table when taking an application, and take the time to get to know them. We offer small snacks and candies, bottle of water alongside soda and coffee, and as a result, we practice good xenia as a whole throughout the company.

Xenia also intersects with philanthropy when we see someone in need. Donating to food banks, charities that enforce the rules of xenia like homeless shelters, and even engaging in personal donations to those in need are all good way to practice Xenia on a regular basis and literally put your money where your mouth is as a practitioner of Hellenic Polytheism. Even at the voting booth, we can practice Xenia by ensuring that those we vote for uphold those values by supporting immigrants, providing for the homeless, feeding the hungry, caring for the sick, and assisting those who need it. By ensuring that we vote for those who practice Xenia every day and put it into policy, we can support our community.

Last, but definitely not least, Xenia guides our relationship with our own gods. The gods give to us every day, and we can reciprocate in kind. We can let our altars serve as their home, ensuring it is clean and kept in good repair. We can make sure we have appropriate offerings (this can even include something as simple as clean water, bread, incense smoke, or a dash of olive oil). We can welcome them to our home with prayers and praises. We can remember that when they come to our altars, they are guests in our home and we must, above all, treat them as such.

In short, Xenia is a practice, a Pillar that informs our every day life. Some extensions of Xenia are called “good manners”, some of them are called “being a good neighbor”, and some are called “being a good citizen”. We all have practiced and expected Xenia as a part of our lives at some point or another. As I mentioned in the beginning of this podcast, Xenia, as a part of the pillars, is not a simple commandment. It is a way of life, expected of us at every turn. It is a pillar, not just of Hellenic Polytheism, but of our lives.

For references, I relied heavily on the Illiad and the Odyssey, both of which I own. I also pulled from Wikipedia, the Xenia comic by Greek Myth Comix, Hellenic Polytheism by Chris Aldridge, Hellenic Polytheism: Household Worship, and Mythology of the Greeks: Legends Anterior to and Contemporary with the Trojan War to 1183 BC to the First Olympiad, 776 BC by George Grote.

Thanks for listening to this episode of “Hellenic Polytheism 101”, a short lecture on Xenia as a Pillar of Hellenic Polytheism. For a transcript of this podcast, you can visit goddesssdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, and look for the tag “Hellenic Polytheism 101 transcripts”. There you will find a link to the references, including an amazon link to the books I referenced, outside of the one by George Grote, as it is 164 years old. You can also ask me any questions there. Don’t forget to tune in for the next episode, coming August 23rd, about Kharis.

[chasingshhadows]

lemme tell you a story about kittens and dragons

So I was introduced to the Kittens Game about three years ago (don’t click the link, your life will be over). I was working in a hotel at the time and very quickly became obsessed, transferring the game from my home computer to work and back. I had it playing almost 24/7 it was ridiculous.

And I tried to get my coworkers to play, since it was a great way to make boring, slow shifts at the front desk go by much faster. One coworker in particular refused to try bc “*scoffs* ew kittens” and no amount of me explaining that it was a world building game and had basically nothing to do with kittens would get him to consider it.

So one day, mostly for shits and giggs, I used one of those Chrome extension word-replacers to change kittens > dragons and catnip > hellfire.

I had to make myself stop playing after a couple months bc like, it was bad, I cannot be trusted with that game.

A few more months go by, I’m scrolling facebook and my very small-town white-bread sister-in-law had shared this post about a yard sale where someone gave away their free dragons and then the next day, the dragons were found on the original owners’ driveway like, dead.

And I know you’ve all made this connection immediately. But lemme tell you

I Did Not.

I’m scrolling through this post and the subsequent like, hundreds of comments from other small-town white-bread moms talkng about the horrors of what happened to these poor dragons, each one of them as serious as the one before, all talking very very literally about how could someone do that to innocent dragons, and I think I’m being pranked.

Like, I scrolled throught these comments for like an hour. Just waiting for someone, anyone to say like “Hey, is this a joke?” But nope. Not a single comment about the fact that someone was apparently giving away mythical fucking dragons at a goddamn yard sale. Like, am I in an alternate universe?

Hell, half the comments were other people sharing stories of their own dragons, so at this point, I am getting so angry. Like, I am livid because I do not get it. Like, is this meant to be a parody of dramatic Facebook threads? Is there a link to an Onion article that I’m missing? I’m pretty certain I actually googled “onion article dead dragons” in the middle of all this.

And then one mom, hundreds of comments deep, makes a mention of her “barn dragons”.

That’s when it clicks.

I don’t know if I was more frustrated or relieved or angry, but I know I laughed hysterically for about five full minutes. I had just lost over an hour of my life to a goddamn Chrome extension. I’ve never even gotten around to feeling horrified over what happened because the whole situation was just so stupidly ridiculous.

If you think I then immediately disabled the extension, you would be wrong. There were at least four more instances of “wait, what?!” before I finally was like, yeah, I’m done with this shit.

To this day though, if I ever see the word “dragon” on the internet, I have to take a second to be like “would this make more sense if it was kittens? no? ok.” Like I’ve been scarred by this experience.

[cowthropologist]

minecraft upd8

so this village, alright?  it’s my digs.  i named it shepherd heights because 900 shepherds live there and half of it is on a mountain.  anyway i’ve been trying to grow it because it had one (1) farmer and no smiths or leatherworker or even a butcher or anything and it was just hopeless from a commercial standpoint, like 6 shepherds, 3 fishermen, and a fletcher, wtf am i supposed to do with that. 

so i put a bunch of time and effort into building more houses and stuff and it was going ok but then i had this little?? carrot problem?????? where there were SO MANY CARROTS.  OH MY GOD, SO MANY.  everyone just planted carrots all the time.  people were dropping 20, 30 carrots on the ground and leaving them there.  i plant wheat, i leave, i come back, it’s CARROTS.  CHRIST.  i have literally hundreds of carrots.  like why omg.  i try sinking some of the carrots into this other village i found but it’s just not cutting it, there aren’t enough farmers there to sell to. 

so i decide to get aggressive, go in, harvest ALL the carrots, and plant OTHER SHIT, and then NOT harvest the other shit (insofar as that’s possible i mean) and let the villagers harvest it instead, and just try to like, make it so they have less carrots and more other stuff that is not fucking carrots ok??  ok. 

now my understanding of villager procreation comes from half-assedly skimming the little “breeding” section of the villager article in the minecraft wiki like several months ago, probably while drunk.  so i’m going into this like “alright if i trade with them or if they have a whole lot of bread, they’ll enter Love Mode(TM), which supposedly they have hearts shooting out of their weird cube heads but i guess i have a glitch or something because i’ve been playing this game for years and i have never seen one single, solitary heart, anyway, then they spawn mini-villagers sometimes maybe, alrigth lets to this” yeah?  yeah. 

i know the cap on the number of villagers depends on the number of doors(/houses?) in the village.  so i build houses now and then when i have enough lumber/cobblestone and i trade with my villagers as often as i can, i keep my flock of sheep, i hoard my zombie meat so i can sell it to the clerics, et fucking  cetera.  my max breeding rate is like, sometimes when i build a new house, i get a villager kid, who is probably a greenshirt and  can’t trade with me but alright whatever who cares.  and i’m still having this carrot problem right? 

but THEN, IDK WTF HAPPENED but SUDDENLY i seem to have hit CRITICAL MASS with my FINAL CARROT SOLUTION that i mentioned like 3 paragraphs ago and my villagers just start???? breeding????????????????????????  there have been at LEAST 3 kids on any given day for the last in-game WEEK in this town and MORE of them keep APPEARING????  i go to BED and i WAKE UP and there’s NEW ONES???????? 

idek how many of HWAT are in this fuckin TOWN anymore, i just go around talking to ppl like “who r u what will u buy” and like... yknow i try to keep track of how many farmers, smiths, fletchers, etc i have in a given town bc it’s kind of important to know where to go to buy what but at this point with this town i’m like........ fucked.... i’m kind of hoping the population will stabilize at some point and i can figure out what the hell is going on but i just???  THEY WONT STOP HAVING KIDS WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! 

idek i just live here.  so i figure i’ll just... expand the village aggressively and get this all out of the way in one fell swoop, right?  and then maybe some of them will come down off the mountain (all the adult villagers seem to congregate around the child villagers, and most of the houses are up on the mountain so the children tend to spawn there, so everyone has been up on the mountain for like 8 DAYS FFS, WHEN THEYRE CLOSE TOGETHER THEYRE MORE LIKELY TO BREED AND ITS JUST A VICIOUS CYCLE MAN, I HAVE CROPS GROWING DOWN IN THE LOWER PART OF TOWN N IS ANYONE HARVESTING THEM??? NO!!!! FUC K). 

anyway it turns out that like, if minecraft villagers are happy with the stuff in their inventory they will have Many Kids(TM).  plan for this, grasshopper, because i certainly fcuking didnt.

[nice--is--a--four--letter--word]

Good Omens

Good Omens

Episode 1

You’re an angel I don’t think you can do the wrong thing - Az looks so genuinely happy at that and they’ve literally just met

A demon can get in to a lot of trouble for doing the right thing

If I did the good thing and you did the bad one. No. It wouldn’t be funny at all

I do not sully the temple of my celestial body with gross matter

Most of the great triumphs and tragedy in human history are caused not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad but people being fundamentally people

Everyone knows the best place for a clandestine meeting in London is and always has been st James’s Park. They say the ducks are so used to being fed by secret agents that they’ve developed pavolvian reactions to them. The Russian cultural attaché’s black bread is particularly sought after by the more discerning duck.

When they’re crossing the road Crowley does the thanks wave to the car that stopped

Godfathers. Well I’ll be damned

It’s not that bad when you get used to it *glowing smirk* Az’s face just drops

Az might have taught warlock sign

No one’ll notice anything. It’s reality angel

So the humans beat me to it, that’s not my fault

Crowley knows what Az smells like, Az has a new cologne that his barber suggested

Would I lie to you. You’re a demon it’s what you do

Episode 2

You can’t have a war without War

What he does is put the fear of god in to them. More accurately the fear of Crowley.

Crowley’s very bendy, all long and thin and sauntering

Hey this is Anthony Crowley, you know what to do, do it with style

He stands by the phone letting it go to voicemail and picks up when he hear it’s Az

What do you mean it feels loved

I like spooky, big spooky fan me

Guns in the right hands give weight to a moral argument

Az says hell at they real guns

You know Crowley I’ve always said deep down you really are a nice

Shut it. I’m a demon I’m not nice. I’m never nice nice is a four letter word I will not have -

Excuse me gentlemen, sorry to break up an intimate moment. Can I help you

Excuse me ma’am we’re just two supernatural entities looking for the notorious son of Satan. Wonder if you might help us with out enquiries

You’ll wake having had a lovely dream about whatever you like best

Angels aren’t occult we’re ethereal

Az can feel that the areas different, Crowley can’t, Love

Get in angel

They both have a human network, they’re just shadwell

Bebop - The velvet underground, if you lined up everyone in the world and asked them to describe it not one of them would say

Episode 3

Eden - Aziraphale, angel of the eastern gate

3004 bc Mesopotamia

Crowley looks more shocked about the flood than Az, he trying to justify it

Not the kids, you can’t kill the kids. Mmhmm. That’s more like something my side would do

Are you going to say ineffable

That unicorns going to make a run for it. Oh you’ve still got one of them

Rainbow invented

33 ad Golgotha

Crawly -> Crowley

Bit too squirming at your feet ish

Crowley gave Jesus a tour of the world and looks sympathetic at the nails

8 years later Rome

What kind of questions that still a demon what else am I going to be an aardvark

Crowley has little sunglasses

Crowley’s working, Az is trying a new restaurant - Crowley’s never eaten an oyster, Az looks shocked

Oh well let me tempt you oh I guess that’s your job isn’t it

Wessex 537

Knights, Az is part of the round table, Crowley is the black knight spreading forment of discord, Az is formenting peace and they’re working in damp places cancelling each other out

Crowley says they should just pretend they’ve done it and stay home, Az is against it

Globe theatre 1601

Az likes grapes

No one wants to see hamlet

Shakespeare wants the audience to interact and make the actors feel appreciated

Oh he’s not my friend we don’t know each other we’ve never met before

Shakespeare nicks a line from Crowley

No rest for the well good

They’re both going to Edinburgh to do little things so they toss for it so only one has to go - They’ve done it dozens of times before - the arrangement in a little sing song voice - Az doesn’t want to talk about it

It’s take a miracle to make anyone come and see Hamlet. Yes alright I’ll do that one my treat

1793 Paris

Az really doesn’t speak french

Az was supposed to be openingbg the bookshop and he did but he was peckish and came to France to get crepes looking like that

Az was reprimanded for too many frivolous miracles so he figured he’d just stay there and let himself get discorperated the idiot

My lot do not send rude notes

1862 St James Park

Sauntered vaguely downwards

Stay out of each other’s way, lend a hand when needed

Asking for holy water - for if it all goes pear shaped, I like pears - walls have ears no trees have ears ducks have ears do ducks have ears must do that’s how they hear other ducks

Az thinks the holy water would be a suicide pill

Fraternising - Crowley is betrayed

I don’t need you. And the feeling is mutual obviously.

1941 London

Az was trying to double cross the nazis and got triple crossed back - Crowley knows, someone knows how, and steps on consecrated ground to come save him

You can’t kill me. There’ll be paperwork

You don’t like it ? No I didn’t say that, I’ll get used to it. What does the j stand for. Nothing it’s just a j

You won’t enjoy dying. Definitely won’t enjoy what comes after

You’re wasting your valuable running away them - Kill them, they are very irritating

Probably where Crowley gets he idea for nicking holy water from a church

That was very kind of you. Oh shut up. No paperwork for a start

1967 Soho London

Shadwell was in prison and got taught lock breaking

Crowley’s definitely got contacts - Az ‘hears things’

You told me what you think. A hundred and five years ago.

I can’t have you risking your life. Even for something dangerous

“The holiest”

Should I say thank you. Better not.

Az is so trying to push him

Maybe one day we could go for a picnic, dine at the ritz

You go to fast for me Crowley - double meaning

Crowley really fits the time.

Dog tried to scare a cat with the red eyes and the cat went for him

This is going to sound so stupid but I lost my book and it all just got a bit much

School is a repressive tool of the state

When Az is up trying to report the missing Antichrist he pretty much throws Crowley under the bus, he ends up not telling them who he is but they don’t care and just want the war to happen

Az doesn’t remember which of their rendezvous points are which code

Az is an awful liar

Great postulant mangled bullocks to the great plan

Unforgivable that’s what I am

I’m not personally up for killing kids. You’re the demon I’m the nice one. Crowley’s trying to convince Az to kill the boy

Crowley wants to go off together - Az looks kinda hopeful but he shuts him down

Friends we’re not friends. We have nothing whatsoever in common I don’t even like you

We’re on our side. There is no our side not anymore it’s over

Crowley is way more in love than Az

Az’s voice is breaking but Crowley’s the one that’s hurt

Episode 4

Az is talking like twice as many steps as Gabriel with the jogging

Az has to catch his breath after ‘jogging’ for a couple of hundred meters

But there doesn’t have to be a war

Of course there does how else would we win it

Tie up stuff down here, report back to active service and ... lose the gut. Come on you’re a lean mean fighting machine, what are you

.... I’m ... soft

Now don’t think of it as dying. Think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush

Fight outside bookshop with gay guy at end - it’s all Az’s fault. Crowley loves him

Episode 5

Somebody’s killed my best friend. Bastards

I shouldn’t litter should I - No ones keeping score anymore

Pathetic excuse for an angel

There are celestial wages

“It’s on fire or something”

Right now that’s somebody else’s problem

Dog is just as scared as the kids

Episode 6

Ninety years and not a scratch now look at you

I am having a moment here - Crowley’s mourning the Bentley -You were a good car - I need to get over the car thing

We are here to lick some serious butt. Kick Aziraphale it’s kick butt for heavens sake eugh I can’t believe I just said that

Negative, like black holes. I don’t think they’re exactly human

They’re saying it’s the end of the world. Yes I can hear that

He is not what he says he is

I believe in peace bitch

I believe in food and a healthy lunch. Famine puts up the biggest fight

Tougher. Smarter. More dangerous

Book girl - like who

Crowley the traitor. That’s not a nice word. All the other words I have for you are worse

Dads don’t wait till you’re eleven to say hello

You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side now

Even if he didn’t know why I was in trouble I would

Dick Turpin was a famous highwayman. Everywhere it goes it holds up traffic Oh I regret asking

The holiest yes

It’s not that we don’t trust you Michael but obviously we don’t trust you

How many nipples you got ?

Don’t talk to me about the greater good sunshine I’m the archangel fucking Gabriel

Shut your stupid mouth and die already

I don’t suppose that anywhere in the nine circles of hell there’s any such thing as a rubber duck

There never was an apple in Adams opinion that wasn’t worth the trouble you got in to for eating it

They’re all domestic and happy

Heaven and hell against... humanity

Right, time to leave the garden

I like to think that none of this wouldn’t have worked out if you weren’t at heart just a little bit of a good person

And if you weren’t deep down just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing

There were angels dining at the Ritz