#BACK TO COMMS BYEEEE

[dotted-clouds]

Replaced.

[jessicas-pi]

AU where Bo-Katan randomly winds up on Lothal shortly after Ezra's parents are taken and finds him and, well, she may not be one of those weirdo traditionalists but she still respects the ancient creed when it comes to foundlings so... guess she's responsible for raising a small child now! wait his parents are possibly alive? well now she's gotta go find them if they're still living and reunite him with them! but she can't bring a defenseless foundling on such a dangerous mission! who could she possibly trust to take care of him? wait doesn't her old bestie from her terrorist phase have a couple kids his age? heyyyyy, ursa, girl! long time no see! can you watch this kid for me for a little while thanks byeeee~~

and then the AU is just Bo-Katan's hunt for Ezra's parents, interspersed with increasingly frantic and/or furious comms from Ursa about how the half-starved traumatized nonverbal foundling is manifesting wizard powers. bo this is not funny. get back here and get your telekinetic hellion. he's helping my daughter put paint on the ceilings.

alternate endings include (1) Ephraim and Mira are alive and Bo rescues them and everyone lives happily ever after, (2) Ephraim and Mira are not alive and now Bo-Katan has to hunt down a Jedi to raise the boy and she ends up locating Kanan, (3) Ephraim and Mira are not alive and Bo-Katan decides that her best bet for Jedi Most Likely To Have Survived The Purge is obi-wan and so she goes looking for him, darth vader encounter shenanigans optional, and (4) Ephraim and Mira are not alive and Bo-Katan cares for Ezra herself and somewhere along the way he gets the Darksaber and well apparently bo is raising tarre vizsla 2 electric boogaloo. this should be good.

[clownery-and-fuckery]

TechPhee headcannons?? These are a bit random I just wanted to throw them out

- When Phee wants Tech to pay attention to her she'll give his belt a little tug and say "c'mere" before telling him what she wanted to

- When Tech wants Phee to pay attention to him he awkwardly stand over her and stare until she looks up and he'll immediately just go ":)" and launch into whatever it was he wanted before she can question how long he was standing over her for

- Tech will reach for her hand in large crowds so she can take them wherever while he reads his datapad and she's always careful to warn him when they're turning/going down a curb

- Phee taught Tech how to "negotiate" (read: straight gaslight) and the only time he's ever had to do it was one time when Phee and Wrecker wanted to go to the bar during a mission and Tech was bribed into letting them, the conversation with Hunter went a little like:

Hunter, over comm: Where's Phee and Wrecker?

Tech, answering: In position

Hunter: ...I'm literally standing where they're meant to be and they're not here

Tech: yes they are

Hunter: I- what?? No, they arent—

Tech: yes they are, you're in the wrong place

Echo and Crosshair dying in the background:

Hunter: Im-... what????

- Hunter killed them for that

- Phee's got a real taste for spicy stuff, and forgets others aren't so tolerant- Tech's got a crazy sweet tooth, and they once had their meals switched. There was chaos.

- while phee is technically supposed to be their pirate(liberator) negotiator, she tends to fly off the handle a lot, and Tech more often than not watches her threaten to burn a lot of places down before carrying her out of a gun fight

- (on one occasion he calmly let her go and watched her pull through on those threats after they told him to "keep her down")

- Tech's kisses are quick and short. He gives her little pecks while no one's looking and most of the time theyre aimed at her cheeks/forehead- he doesn't do a lot of PDA but he gets VERY affectionate while he's tired:))

- Phee is the OPPOSITE. She will kiss him everywhere anywhere she has no qualms and she LOVES kissing his lips and neck(it's easier to reach) and she ESPECIALLY loves pulling him down for a long kiss when she KNOWS her future brother-in-laws are already bitching about them

- while being insanely competitive(idk why, he literally never loses-) he still let's Phee win sabbacc sometimes, and always sits back and let's her brag and just ":) yay good job" while she calls him a BIG LOSER (he thinks he's secretly winning because she always smiles when she wins)

- Phee knows he lets her win

- they sing and dance while they do jobs together. Fixing the Marauder? Not without background music. Cleaning up after Wrecker and Omega's attempts at baking? Gotta have some ambiance turn the holo up. Even as far as a covert mission??? Phee catches Tech humming while he sets the charges and can't help but blow their cover laughing hysterically

- phee knows and hates hondo. she'd punch him for maybe a half credit.

- tech thinks he's delightfully charming :)

- the three of them get along fine until tech leaves the room. he can never guess why they always smile at him when he looks at them??

- phee(jokingly) asked hunter permission to marry tech at dinner, and got so offended when he said no, she decided to ask tech for REAL

- (he said yes btw)

I have like a MILLION more but I'll cut her there for now- PLEASE if you have more, add them!!!! Ok byeeee <3

[mylittleredgirl]

trekathon: disco 1x7

“magic to make the sanest man go mad”:

the one and only episode of star trek discovery i could watch on a bus 

because every other episode makes me cry at least once

i don’t know who said “what if we did a time loop disaster episode, but a comedy with beer pong and glowsticks where everyone gets sloppy drunk and makes out a little in between death montages,” but i would like to travel back in time to a pre-covid era and then kiss them on the mouth

give the people what they want:

time loops!

romance!

explosions!

giant space whales! 

harcourt fenton mudd!!!

let’s do the time warp again:

i never in my life thought i would be this nostalgic for plastic cups full of cheap beer in a frat house basement but here we are, in month 95 of quarantine

my inner dr. fauci is losing it. rhys and tilly share a DRINK, keyla is making out with some RANDO, do you know? how many hands?? that ping pong ball touched??? 

we can now divide the crew into “horny drunk” and “not going to attend that party full of horny drunks”

blah blah copyright whatever but can you imagine if the party had the rocky horror picture show theme this episode rightly deserved

mostly for pun purposes, but are you going to tell me that mary wiseman DOESN’T have a magenta costume in her closet ready to go whenever?

at first i was a little weirded out that the crew of the future spaceship discovery were attending the exact same party i did every week in college, but then i realized that’s how my father must have felt when tom paris turned up wearing a 1962 big daddy-o surf special.

the vulcan science directorate:

“a time crystal. we learned about these at the vulcan academy” WELL WELL WELL

elderly admiral archer writing a lengthy memo that could be summed up as “i told you so”

can we take a moment to just appreciate:

michael 🥺

and tyler 😏

they’re just pouring gasoline on the fire of my feelings and I KNOW THEY ARE and i’m LETTING THEM DO IT

i freeze-frame these character moments so you don’t have to:

the “admit you love each other or draw 25” meme for saru and michael

saru stopping michael from attacking mudd to protect her (“please 🥺”) and then grabbing her arm for support when mudd threatens him and then she steps in front of him

rhys drunkenly trying to kiss tilly and her like lol byeeee

her face was right there, that was an honest mistake dude

mudd calls bryce “random communications officer man,” which honestly should have been his name in the credits instead of “comm officer 2”

michael and stamets dancing and they hold hands when the ship blows up and i swear to god, discovery, if you don’t fucking fix this in season 4 i will be so upset i will write LETTERS i will put my tears in an envelope and MAIL THEM

speaking of that scene, stamets describing the meet cute with hugh as basically “shut up and go away” “no ❤️” and now they’re married

i enjoy the ever-loving heck out of captain lorca. “i don’t give a damn” “i still don’t give a damn” like sir, you may be evil and horny for implements of torture, but you crack me up 

other moments of delight:

honestly every single mudd moment was note-perfect. all of the discovery re-casts and the writing for established characters have been brilliant, but mudd is flawless and it makes my heart SING

stella didn’t actually say “harCOURT!!!” like that in this episode but i was thinking it and that’s enough for me

it’s been mentioned before how great the costuming is for stella and the baron and how it’s so in keeping with the technicolor look of classic trek, but i would like to celebrate everything about them. that is what comically opulent space wealth should be like.

all she has to say is “i’m michael burnham *eyebrow*” YEAH YOU ARE!!! 

no wonder sybok had to fuck off to the center of the galaxy to find god, how else is he supposed to get any attention in this family

[welcometothepenumbra]

BONUS: THE RITA MINUTE 3 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISTA STEEL!

VOICE (FROM TV): …you see many techniques like this, here at the Galactic Paper Spaceship Grand Prix. It’s the fluting at the tail that gives the extra level of control—

RITA: Yeah, yeah, just show me the ship again!

VOICE (FROM TV): Its engineering team calls it the Manta Stinger Mark II. Now, let’s look at this beauty up close…

SOUND: PAPER CRUMPLING & RIPPING. RITA GRUNTING & MUMBLING UNINTELLIGIBLY.

VOICE (FROM TV): Made of only a single sheet of uncut A4 paper, the Manta Stinger has shattered records. Its design, which mathematicians have called “technically impossible,” took its team fifty years and nearly two hundred million creds in funding to achieve—

RITA: Done! Now let’s see this baby fly!

SOUND: FLAP.

Whoooaaaaaaa.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

OH! A call!

Hi, hello, this is Rita’s house, Rita speaking.

Oh, Frannie, I’m so glad you called! I’m up to some very important business. I decided I was gonna get into makin’ paper spaceships, well actually first I was gonna get into antigravity yo-yos, but then I was flippin’ the channel over to the Mars yo-yo convention, and I got stopped on this Galactic Paper Spaceship whatever and I think I really—

Huh? What do you mean, how was the party? What par— (GASPS) Mista Steel’s birthday party!

No, of course I didn’t forget! And besides, I still got time, don’t I? Mista Steel’s birthday party ain’t until 7 PM on December 24th, and I specifically remember this Grand Spree or whatever it’s called started at 6 PM on the 23rd—

SOUND: EXPLOSION (FROM TV).

AH! Stupid stream! Gonna give me a heart attack…

VOICE (FROM TV): And as per GPSGP tradition, that bomb marks the twenty-four-point-fifth hour of our competition. It is now 6:30 PM on December the 24th.

RITA: Oh, there it is! The heart attack! Alright, bye-bye, Frannie, I gotta call you back, I got a party at my apartment in… thirty minutes!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Okay, okay. Okay. It’s okay, Rita. You were prepared for this. You made a party checklist, so you wouldn’t forget to do anything. And, well, you forgot about the checklist, so maybe next time, that goes on the checklist too. But for now you just… gotta… find it.

SOUND: PAPER RUSTLING.

It’s just gotta be on one’a these paper spaceships, right? Can’t be more than a few… hundred. A few hundred. It’s no biggie. Really.

It was a surprise party anyway, right? It ain’t like Mista Steel is expectin’ nothin’. As far as he knows you two are just gonna go to a movie, and you’re gonna buy the first popcorn and he’s gonna buy all the popcorn after that, so I mean anything’s gonna be a nice surprise compared to AH HA HA! Here it is!

Come to Rita, you sneaky little shippy! Alright, let’s see, here…

Recipe for one Mista Steel’s best surprise birthday party ever, by Rita. Item one: Rita! Item two: snacks. Item three: convince Mista Steel you forgot when his birthday was, so that he doesn’t think you’re planning a party. (GIGGLES) Item four: tell Mista Steel you wanna go see a movie on his birthday, but your car is broken and Frannie is dead so he needs to pick you up. Item five: more snacks, items six through nine, even more snacks…

Yep, everything good so far. Looks like I checked off everything on this list OH NO!

I forgot the last thing! Item ten: invite Mista Steel’s friends.

Well, Rita, this is quite a pickle you got yourself into. Planning a party for your best boss’s loved ones in half an hour? Some would say it can’t be done. Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned here, somewhere under all these paper spaceships. But that would take time, so instead, you’re gonna pick up that comms, and you’re gonna make some calls, and you’re gonna—

SOUND: CLUNK.

—oh, no, I dropped the comms.

SOUND: COMMS BEEPS.

Ah, it’s ringing! Hello? Hello, comms? Hello, comms! I miss you!

SOUND: PAPER RUSTLING.

There! Gotcha!

SOUND: COMMS BEEPS STOP.

Hello, this is Rita’s house, starring Rita, how can I help you?

MICK MERCURY (FROM COMMS): Hey-hey, just the Rita I wanted to talk to!

RITA: I know that voice… hey, wait a minute, aren’t you the one who keeps callin’ and tryin’ to sell me phone books from thirty years ago?

MICK (FROM COMMS): No! I mean, yes. But that’s not why I’m calling! It’s me, Rita, Mick Mercury! Juno’s best friend?

RITA: Well, I don’t know about that.

MICK (FROM COMMS): Listen, I just wanted to tell you that I got your message yesterday and I’m on my way.

RITA: Message… oh, right! I did call you!

MICK (FROM COMMS): You did, that’s right! And then you stopped mid-sentence and said something about paper spaceships and I thought, hey, how come nobody’s built a car out of paper yet? It’d be pretty cheap, right? Sell like gangbusters! So I spent a few dozen hours drawin’ up some plans, a business model or two, and—

RITA: Mista Mercury, Mista Mercury! This is all really interestin’ and of course I am going to want to know all about how I can get in on the ground floor of this business venture, but first, we got somethin’ more important to deal with: Mista Steel’s party, in thirty minutes!

MICK (FROM COMMS): Jay’s party is in thirty minutes?!

RITA: Oh no, you forgot too?

MICK (FROM COMMS): Yeah, completely! I thought it started thirty minutes ago, and I was just calling to say sorry I was so late!

RITA: You… really? You’re here??

MICK (FROM COMMS): Almost! Just give me five minutes to find a place to park my bike and I’ll be right in.

RITA: Yes, yes! Thank you so much, Mista Mercury. This is gonna be the best Mista Steel’s birthday ever!

MICK (FROM COMMS): But, hold on a sec, do you think there’s something wrong with the phone books idea? Because like I figured people sell antique furniture, right, so why not antique phone books? It’s just that I did a lot of dumpster diving and just got a whole bunch of tetanus just for—

RITA: Alright, I’ll see you soon, byeeee!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Whew. Well, that’s one down. Practically took care of itself.

Now let’s see, who else… OH! I know! I’ll call Mista Steel’s other friend!

SOUND: KEYBOARD CLICKS.

Just gotta run this decryption software, embed a virus or two, and… I’m in!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP. THEN STATIC.

SASHA WIRE (FROM COMMS): Hello? Who is this?

RITA: This is Rita! Hi!

VOICE 1 (FROM COMMS): Agent W, we need your full attention here?

WIRE (FROM COMMS): Yes, fine, just give me a moment. Alright, Rita, out with it. What’s this all about? Who put you up to this? Was it the Neptunians? Yoblonsky’s men, did he get you this signal?

RITA: What? Oh, no, Sasha, I just got this signal all by my little old self. It’s all in a day’s work for the one and only Rita—

WIRE (FROM COMMS): Stop toying with me. How do you know my name?

RITA: Oh, the boss told me years ago. He talks about you a lot, y’know. “Grr, that Sasha Wire! She sure is great! Agent of Dark Matters! I oughta teach her a lesson, give her what I owe her!” That kinda thing, I think. Usually I ain’t listenin’.

WIRE (FROM COMMS): Teach her a lesson? Give her what I owe her… wha– what does that even mean? That can’t be– this is about the December 25th deal, isn’t it? That’s classified information! How do you know—

RITA: Actually the whole deal is goin’ on on the 24th. That’s kinda why I was callin’ you, ‘cause I didn’t want you to miss it!

WIRE (FROM COMMS): The 24th… we were off by a day.

Agent. Agent! Put that down and come here!

VOICE 1 (FROM COMMS): But Agent W, this is highly explosive—

WIRE (FROM COMMS): And this situation is more explosive, trust me. Put it down. I think I’ve got a lead on the December 25th deal.

RITA: Ooh, wow, you must be important, huh? It takes like a whole three people just for you to write down an appointment.

WIRE (FROM COMMS): Alright, Rita, or whatever your name is. Enough games. I’m only going to ask this once, and you had better not lie to me. We have ways of finding that out. We have ways of making you regret it.

RITA: Why would I lie? I just want you to come to the party!

WIRE (FROM COMMS): The party… write that down, Agent. Might be code.

(TAKES A BREATH) Alright, Rita. So. Who do you work for?

RITA: Mista Steel.

WIRE (FROM COMMS): Mista…

We’ve talked before, haven’t we.

RITA: Yeah! Hi again, Agent Wire! Mista Steel’s birthday party is in twenty minutes and I know you’re really busy but it’d be nice if you’d just—

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Uh, hello? Agent Wire? Miss Sasha? Hello? Huh. Guess she… doesn’t wanna come.

Well, that’s alright! I guess I’ll just call one’a Mista Steel’s other friends, like… l-like…!

Huh.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Ooh, ooh, that must be one now!

Hello, this is Chez Rita brought to you by Rita, how can I help you?

MICK (FROM COMMS): Yeah, hey, Rita? It’s Mick again.

RITA: Mista Mercury! I was startin’ to get worried. I thought you said you were only five minutes away.

MICK (FROM COMMS): Yeah, I’m still just looking for ya. Hey, speaking of which, how many wheels does your place have?

RITA: None at all! Are you offering?

MICK (FROM COMMS): Why, would you buy them? ‘Cause I could get you some wheels easy, just give me a—

Hey, wait, you said your place has got no wheels? That’s, like, exaggerating? Like you only have a few, right?

RITA: No. None of the apartments in Hyperion City got wheels that I know of, Mista Mercury.

MICK (FROM COMMS): Wait, apartment? Who said anything about an apartment?

RITA: Don’t be mad, it’s just where I live, I ain’t ever known no other way!

MICK (FROM COMMS): I ain’t mad– I mean, I’m not mad! I just thought… so when you said you lived on Lakeview, you meant, like, a street named that?

RITA: Uh… yeah. Lakeview Street. Where– where are you?

MICK (FROM COMMS): Oh, that explains it! Whew. For a minute there I thought you meant, like, your place had a view of a lake, you know? So I went and looked for the only lake I could find, and basically all there is around it is a big junkyard, so. I guess that’s not it, is what you’re saying.

RITA: But… there ain’t any lakes in Hyperion City.

MICK (FROM COMMS): Yeah, yeah, I know, somehow I got it in my head that you lived in Valles Marineris. Weird, right? (LAUGHS)

Yeah, anyway, do you think this party’s still gonna be going on in, like, fourteen hours? Because, that’s about how long it’s gonna take me to get there. The old hovercycle’s not as zippy as he used to be.

VOICE 2 (FROM COMMS): Hey, you! This is private property!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT (FROM COMMS).

Get outta my junkyard.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOTS (FROM COMMS).

MICK (FROM COMMS): Sweet shining nebula! Gotta go, Rita, love ya, see ya in fourteen hours!

RITA: But, Mista Mercury—!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Wow. He’s a real mess, ain’t he?

Not like you, Rita. You got your whole act together. And you still got fifteen minutes to call and—

SOUND: CLUNK.

—oh, no, I dropped the comms again.

(SIGHS) Alright. Time’s a wastin’!

***

RITA: I’m tellin’ ya, the boss is impossible to plan a party for! I called so many people, his one friend, his other friend, and everybody else I could think of, but nobody can make it! Valles Vicky’s busy with her wife, the Prince of Mars said he can’t afford a phone, and Cecil Kanagawa, well, he really did want to come, but then he was talkin’ about the stuff he was thinkin’a bringin’ so I decided we better not.

What? What? Frannie, you gotta do somethin’ about the volume on your comms. Everyone else always comes through loud and clear and you just sound like you’re talkin’ with a mouth full of paper spaceships, which coincidentally just so happens to be how I tried to convince the Prince of Maaaaars that I needed medical attention but it didn’t even work so don’t try.

Does he have any work friends? Frannie, I’m his work friends.

(SIGHS) Everyone from his HCPD days either moved off Mars or wants Mista Steel dead, and that’s the kind of drama you really don’t want at a birthday party, Frannie, not unless you think it might be really really really boring— (GASPS)

No, wait, that ain’t true! There’s one cop who doesn’t want Mista Steel dead! I'm pretty sure!

Thanks for the idea, Frannie! I’m gonna give him a call right now!

SOUND: COMMS BEEP. COMMS BEEPS.

C’mon, c’mon, c’mon…

CAPTAIN KHAN (FROM COMMS): God damn it, Loo, for the last time, I told you I’m not taking calls today!

RITA: You are now! This is Rita, from Rita’s house, home of the Rita, and I got a question for you!

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Yeah, wow, geez, forceful. Kinda tempting to just do exactly what you say, when you yell it like—

Wait. Rita? Like… Steel’s secretary? We’ve talked before, right?

RITA: You bet, buster! And I ain’t gonna hang up this phone until I get an answer!

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Alright, geez, just get to it, the kids are waiting for me.

RITA: Mista Steel is having a birthday party in five minutes! And also, would you like to come?

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Do I want to… what? In five minutes?

RITA: It is okay if you are a little late, so long as you bring snacks!

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Uh… no. That’s my answer. I’m not. No, I’m not gonna do it. Not gonna go to Steel’s birthday party in five minutes.

RITA: …Oh.

KHAN (FROM COMMS): So, uh… you have a good evening, ma’am.

RITA: But but but but but but but but but— (CRYING)

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Oh geez, oh no, oh fuddlenugs…

NOOR KHAN (FROM COMMS): Omar! That had better not be work on the phone! We were just about to start wrapping presents!

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Yeah, uh, it’s not work, Noor! Just a… crying lady! Be right out!

NOOR (FROM COMMS): Omar!

KHAN (FROM COMMS): I said I’d be right out! Thank you for respecting my space!

SOUND: DOOR SLAMS (FROM COMMS).

(SIGHS) Alright, come on, calm down. What’s this all about?

RITA: (HICCUP-CRYING) I ju– I ju– I ju– I ju– I just wanted to make a good birthday party for Mista Steel, and I kept tryin’ but nobody can make it and I just wanted it to be perfect and the best forever is that too much to aaaaaaask… (SOBBING)

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Alright, shhh, shhh. Calm down, now. It’s alright. (COUGHS) Um, hey, look, Rita… I just can’t do it. Reason one: I don’t even like Steel. Reason two: it’s Christmas Eve! I’ve got my hands full over here. Full of presents and babies and a whole turkey, earlier. That didn’t last long.

RITA: Christma Zeve? Now you’re just makin’ things up!

KHAN (FROM COMMS): I’m not! It’s an Earth thing. And anyway, I’m too busy—

RITA: Busy with what?

KHAN (FROM COMMS): I don’t know. First we’re gonna wrap all their presents and put them underneath the tree. Then I dress up as a big happy giant in red clothes and try to steal the presents while they hit me with a stick to make me spit out all the chocolate coins I crammed in my mouth, and maybe later we’ll go from door to door and ask for letters cut out in the shape of different guts and things.

RITA: That… sounds… really complicated and fun.

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Yeah, I don’t know. Earth traditions are kinda free-form. Feels sorta like we improvise it most of the time.

RITA: Well, can I bring Mista Steel there?

KHAN (FROM COMMS): No, Rita. This day’s for family. Also, we’re supposed to have fun on Christmas. And Steel? Well, Steel ain’t exactly fun.

RITA: That’s true. But— (SNIFFLES) What am I supposed to do about his birthday party?

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Alright. Fine. You need some wisdom? You need old man beardo to come down from the mountain and give you his ten amendments? Well, I don’t got ten. I only got one. But here it is: you know what the true meaning of Christmas is, Rita?

RITA: No. I don’t care about Christmas. I care about Mista Steel! An’ it’s his birthday! And it ain’t even Christmas, you said it’s Christma Zeve, and—

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Alright. True meaning of birthdays, then. Christmas is probably somebody’s birthday. That’s just math. But anyway, the true meaning of birthdays is this: you didn’t die yet.

RITA: Hmm, yeah.

Captain, I don’t know what that means.

KHAN (FROM COMMS): It means… I don’t know, you could be dead! You know how easy it is to be dead? People do it every day. Some people know it’s comin’, some people don’t, some people are scared of it, some people aren’t. But the fact is that once you go dead there’s no going back, so, like… it’s pretty special that you’re not right now. So… on your birthday we just… mark the day you started living. We celebrate it. You get your loved ones all together and you kiss ‘em and love ‘em because, hell, you’re not gonna be able to do it forever. And that means no matter how many friends you got with you, no matter how your life’s going today, no matter how many people you left behind… that means today is pretty special. Always.

RITA: (SNIFFLES) Wow, Captain Khan. That was really nice.

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Yeah. It was, wasn’t it. (COUGHS) Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go hug every single one of my kids at least a couple times.

RITA: Okay. Have a good Christma Zeve, Captain Khan.

KHAN (FROM COMMS): Yeah, you too, Rita. And tell Steel… enh, just give him a hug, okay? Poor sucker looks like he needs it.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

RITA: (DEEP BREATH) Well, Rita? I guess it’s just gonna be you tonight. You’re just gonna have to be enough fun for everyone. Oh, wait, that’s really easy.

SOUND: DOORBELL.

Hello, who is it?

JUNO: (THROUGH THE DOOR) It’s Juno. Open up.

RITA: Be right there!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

Alright. Just gotta be as fun as four dozen people. Easy.

SOUND: KNOCKING.

JUNO: (THROUGH THE DOOR) Rita!

RITA: Comin’, boss!

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

Surpriiiiise!

JUNO: Oh, no. No, you didn’t. Please tell me you d—

Oh. You actually didn’t.

RITA: Didn’t… forget your birthday?

JUNO: No, you didn’t throw me a big surprise party. I was worried I was gonna show up and there would be like fifty people here. (SIGHS) That’s a huge relief, honestly.

RITA: It… is?

JUNO: Yeah. Y’know, on the way over here I got myself so worked up over the thought that I actually convinced myself you’d invite a cop. Like, I don’t know, Captain Khan or somethin’.

RITA: So, you’re… so you’re– just so I’m sure. You’re not upset then, that it’s just you and me, and nobody else and we really are goin’ to see a movie?

JUNO: Honestly, Rita, it’s been a long day. I think a movie’s about all I’ve got in me.

Mind if I, uh, powder my nose before we go?

RITA: Uh… sure.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO: Nice paper spaceships, by the way.

RITA: Thanks, boss.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.

Huh. I guess… nothin’ did go wrong tonight, really.

How come this feels too easy?

SOUND: DOORBELL.

Oh, there it is! Oh no, oh no, oh no…

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

Mista Mercury, hi, hello, glad you could make it but now you gotta go, I’ll talk to you later—

PETER NUREYEV(!): Mister… who?

RITA: Mista—

Oh. It’s just a delivery man.

NUREYEV: Indeed it is. Tsar Shipping, at your service. Sign here, please.

SOUND: SCRIBBLING.

And there you are.

RITA: But… I didn’t order any flowers—

NUREYEV: Goodbye.

SOUND: DOOR CLOSES.

RITA: Huh.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS.

JUNO: Rita? Who was that?

RITA: Uh… just a delivery man, boss.

JUNO: Oh, good. Had me worried it was somebody coming for a party. Guess I’m jumpier than I– thought…

What are those?

RITA: Uh, flowers? Card says they’re for you.

JUNO: Can– can I… can I see ‘em?

SOUND: CRUMPLING.

RITA: I mean, they are yours, boss.

JUNO: Does the card say anything?

RITA: It just says… happy birthday, Juno. Aw, that’s nice, ain’t it? Must be from a client who knows where I live and also knew you were going to be here at exactly this time today. Sweet.

Uh, boss? You okay?

JUNO: Yeah. Yep. I-I’m fine. Probably just… jumping to conclusions. Hey, uh… what if we go to that movie now?

RITA: In just a sec, boss. But first…

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

Nnnyah! Happy birthday, Mista Steel! And merry Christmas.

JUNO: Yeah. Thanks.

Wait, what the hell’s a Christmas?

RITA: I don’t know. Captain Khan told me to say it.

JUNO: Captain Kh– why were you talking to Captain—

RITA: Oh! Ah! Would ya look at the time! We’re nearly gonna be late for the movie, let’s go, Mista Steel, I won’t take anythin’ but the best seats in the house!

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

JUNO: Yeah, alright. Be right there.

Dahlias and roses… huh.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

SOPHIE KANER: In honor of this story about being thankful for those around you, we would like to finish this tale a little differently.

KEVIN VIBERT: We at The Penumbra would like to express our thanks to the following people:

SOPHIE: Firt and foremost, to all of our supporters on Patreon who make this project possible. We could not do this without you.

MUSIC: STARTS.

This half-season your contributions have bought us equipment, security, knowledge, and time. This show would be only a shadow of what it is without you. Thank you.

KEVIN: We would like to give special thanks to our $30 per episode supporters Atha Lang, Vron, Charlie Spiegel, Minchowski, Jamie Gunter, and the Princess and the Scrivener. Your generosity genuinely stuns us. Thank you.

SOPHIE: We would also like to thank the actors who lent their voices to this episode, including: Kate Jones as Rita, Stefano Perti as Mick Mercury, Sophie Kaner – that’s me! – as Sasha Wire, Jason Mellin as the Dark Matters agent, Elliot Sicard as Omar Khan, Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, and Noah Simes as… well, you know who.

KEVIN: We’d also like to thank the people behind who worked behind the scenes to make this show we love, including: Alice Chung, Kat Buckingham, Noah Simes, Mikaela Buckley, Ryan Vibert, Scott Gallica, Grahame Turner, and I would like to thank Sophie Kaner.

SOPHIE: And I would like to thank Kevin Vibert.

KEVIN: And more than anyone else, Traveler, we want to thank you. You who write stories about us, who draw art of us, who talk about us, who think about us, who lend your ears to us. You who board our train for parts unknown time and time again. Thank you.

SOPHIE: The year’s end comes upon us, Travelers. But don’t worry, we’ll see you again in March, when season two continues. So rest up, prepare yourselves, and have a very merry… birthday.

(LAUGHING) I might cry. I have to do it again.