#BABE I GOT UR AUTISM

[polysucks]

I feel like I'm the only person interested in the idea of how it would have looked long term if Margaery had been able to keep playing Joffrey via his sadistic murder fetish. Like how would she have used that to control him and how would it have changed her, too? How would it have affected the way he ruled to have a supportive partner who he perceived liked (maybe even loved) him for the most twisted part of himself and helped him use that as an outlet for his sadism? Why are there no fanfics about this??? Why do I have to write one myself eventually?? I don't think I could do it justice but it's fucking fascinating and I can't stop thinking about it.

I have a few thoughts about margaery lemme get my notes and just ramble them off. My autism is really vibrating with this one.

Why is mace Tyrell so obsessed with getting marg on the throne? I mean there’s a complicated history there with mace Tyrell and Robert Baratheon. I’m also a little confused about how renly fits into this as well? The plan is giving Anastasia (1997)

Renly: *is a twink* oh no Mace how are we going to yeet my brother off the throne after he already yeeted that other guy for the throne?

Mace: man I got this hot daughter maybe we can distract Robert with my hot, hot, so fucking hot daughter and when he’s not looking we can take his chair out from under him.

Renly: *still a twink* yeah totally I mean Robert do be getting distracted by insanely hot, hot, hot women like all the time

Mace: bro tell me my incredibly sexy hot daughter looks just like ur brother’s dead gf that he has been unhealthily idolizing for the last 14 years

Renly: sure maybe idk I like cock but I’ll ask a guy who would know

Later

Renly: hey does my hot cockless (I checked) hot hot female sexy hot babe of a teenage wife look like ur dead sister or what

Ned:

Renly:

Ned: i remember when u used to wet the bed

Renly: so is that a no….?/

So like when robert dies, why does she stay saddled up to renly? Like is that the honest to god best political decision to be making? Renly is spindly and has not-zero pull in this pissing contest of a war, but not much more than that. So ?////??/? Was the plan to bide her time? And if so, why in the show was she so desperate to be the vessel for twinkboy’s heir? What was the move there? Was she proud of that one?

Yeah so when renly dies, send Littlefinger the Jeffrey Epstein of Westeros to claim the twink’s 14 yr old bride. That sounds like a great idea. But I digress.

Who approved the decision for this 14 year old girl to marry Actual Evil Villain Joffrey? Because *not on the phone w the fbi* I just wanna talk.

But like also? Maybe she can match his freak a lil. I mean in the show I couldn’t tell if she was like. Subtly encouraging joffrey’s fuck ass weird serial killer shit or if she was actually using her wits n tits to manipulate him into not being such a loser fucking demented freak? but I mean like either way babey werk queen house burn the boots down slayyy cunty arm chair yassssss 💅 mamaaaa

WHAT IS HER GAME?

What is the end goal here? So let’s look at both sides leading up to joffrey’s death. Maybe she’s just neutral good? The Tyrells are so sweet. Generally mild mannered, and in court no one truly has much negative to say about them. Willas is a sweetie, Olenna is doted upon, Loras is a hoot n a half, marg is a super hot 14 year old, and also Mace is there. And like the vibes aren’t totally cooked in king’s landing for mace either even tho he put his entire cock inside robert’s 20 yer old bussy at the battle of ashford during the rebellion bc when robert usurped the king mace was still like “bro sure u can borrow 20$ and never pay me back it’s cool bro.”

Maybe marg is here to genuinely keep a lid on the boiling pot which is kings landing under joffrey (Cersei’s) rule. Maybe marg genuinely uses joffrey’s violence, abhorrent personality and his weak fucking will,, to be the true ruler of the realm? The woman behind the man, the hand within the puppet, if you will.

What could she accomplish with that?

She could free Sansa, assist with safe passage to the north, and save the territory of the North by giving House Stark the right to their rein. If marg plays her cards right, and if she truly wanted to go this route, she could possibly end the entirety of the war simply by appeasing Robb King in the North. But that’s so insanely unlikely Robb wouldn’t easily be persuaded by marg in any capacity, even pre-jeyne westerling, because the only thing that could possibly be wielded against Robb in an honest to god strategic move would be her sense of honor and duty—and Robb would have a legitimate leg to stand on considering what sort of honor and duty might be held at high regard for a woman so willing to look past joffrey’s affronts to mankind simply to oversee his rule.

She wouldn’t cure king’s landing of its sycophant infestation, but I would like to think she could quell the treachery for some periods of time. Like I wonder if with joffrey’s urges controlled by marg exactly how much would this fuckin reign accomplish? What could joffrey do differently, or positively for his kingdom? His wife tells him she wants to feed the orphans. He goes “yeah sure whatever” and then what happens? She feeds the orphans? Or will Cersei use her magic decent-human-detecting pussy to some insane fucking convoluted manipulation to not let marg throw apples at children w dead parents? Either way wtf this can go on for as long as any of them live. It’s a real Waterboy type dynamic and marg is Fairuza Balk.

But what if this bitch was actually Ramsay Bolton evil? (Personal fave) what if she can really match joffrey’s freak? What if she likes carving up pregnant cats, too? What if marg got that dog in her (Targaryen blood. Bc she do. She got that Hightower shit from her mom’s side) and she’s as batshit as they come? What if she likes watching joffrey brutalize baelish’s girls? 👀 (heyyyy fic writers that one’s for free. hmu, u got my number. what’s good bb)

What can she do with this?

Kill Cersei. Eat her. Ya gotta get slutty Mrs. Voorhees out of the equation.

Fmk, five kings version quick don’t think about it just say it out loud girl. just fuck n kill them all? Oh word good luck w stannis he hates pussy and he’s bald.

Have joffrey’s cat-carving children, begin the next line of targaryens bc there’s gonna be some whack dynamic where the kids’ punnet squares will be labeled “Evil,” “stupid,” “intelligent,” and “kind-hearted.” Also a lot of weird incest and sister-fucking. And twins. Twins EVERYWHERE. Imagine that fuckin bleak period of Westerosi reigning power histories. What would the Lannister version of Fire & blood read like? Fucking clown shoes is what that would look like.

Aye any of you fic writers got some political science degrees? I have some questions.

[polyamorous-selfinserts]

maybe it's the autism but like. i can't put away morals for someone. i can understand where someone is coming from, empathize with that, but i can't like. excuse their actions, if that makes sense. like i'm not morally neutral. if i see a character on tv and they're objectively attractive, but they exploit their systemic power i can never be like 'i am attracted to this character.' because. like it's not attractive to be an oppressor?

it's why i don't get people obsessed with like. kylo ren or some shit. like did you...ignore the fact that he's a fascist or...? like i get it if characters are regretful about it, which is why i don't hold the same level of scrutiny for like, darth vader stans or something but it's still like. 👍 cool ur in love with a fascist arm of the state.

idk it seems um. weird. and it's specifically about systemic abuse. idc about u shipping with a slasher lmao yeah they're hot all covered in blood like that. because while what they didn't wasn't like...right, (though in some cases it absolutely is) most of them are not literal fascists or monarchs or dictators or like. rich people. idk. its just confusing to me because i can't understand how people put aside the actual ideology behind the actions people take. if you commit a war crime it's like. ok there are situations where this might be acceptable or understandable. but if you fundamentally believe that you have the divine right to rule a country, and that by birth you are fundamentally worth more than everyone else. i'm like. 👍 cool kys.

idrc how much you suffered if you use that suffering as justification for the leveraging of your systemic power against the working class, you know? go cry in ur castle built by slave labor, babe <3

and this isn't a judgement of the people who ship with these people, really. it's just me tryin got get down my internal reasoning around some characters. i'm just. trying to figure out why i think the way i do. if you ship with people like im describing, i genuinely don't care unless they're an actual, literal on-screen nazi. ship with ur thanos or ur davros etc i love you for that and im glad ur having fun. im just. confused about how? if anyone wants to talk about it let me know i'm genuinely curious. i'm trying to encourage myself to be more lenient with my definitions or 'right' and 'wrong' because sometimes it causes me like. genuine distress lmao.

[therhythmafterthesummer]

alsoo i wanna say sth

I feel safe reading ur fics and convinced that chan might also enjoy a thicker girl, i mean have you seem his muscles ?? I know it’s an HC but it’s believable in your writing and it makes me feel loved :( because i dont really love myself even tho im 10000/10 and i doubted if someone like chan would if he ever got the chance to.

listen, chan is just a man. men are complex human beings who might have all sorts of likes and wants and preferences, which is why i write him the way that i do. plenty of God-Looking men out there like bigger girls, just like plenty of them won't.

we'll never know him Like That, but it's my belief that any man worth you giving them the time of day will be able to appreciate them bigger bodies (but then again, i'm demisexual so i don't know if my way of thinking will match those of other people out there lol).

i'm super flattered that you can feel safe and loved reading my fics ): you have no idea how warm and fuzzy that makes me feel, and it honestly makes me want to write more chubby reader stories. i'm about to word vomit and possibly overshare so bear with me please lmao

i was born in an environment where culturally we're "supposed" to look a certain way (the phrase "most beautiful women" was used often, but when you looked at those "most beautiful women" they referred to, they were always thin, hypersexual, perfect looking models in the public eye that i just personally never related to). i've always been chubby, i do have big bones under all that fat, too, i've also always been a bit masculine for someone who was afab (which stuck out like a sore thumb in that environment of hyper-feminity), and i was even ridiculed sometimes because of the way i looked (even by family members).

thankfully, it's not affected me as much as i know other people have been affected by it (probably because my autism honestly dismissed the fact altogether most of the time as it wasn't Interesting to me), but it has taken me a long time to accept my body regardless, and it's something i'm still working on to this day. the 'fake it til you make it' mentality worked wonders for me, as well as looking at people with bodies like mine and stop criticising them based on the preconceived notion of beauty that had been ingrained in my brain. eventually, as i started to find other people more beautiful, i was able to look into myself and appreciate the same traits in me.

all this to say, this is why when i write my chubby/thick/fat reader fics i try to make the fact as neutral and normalised as possible, because i personally feel like the more we normalise our bodies the easier it gets to accept ourselves. and i feel like maybe that's why so many big babes find a safe space in it. dunno, maybe i'm overthinking it hahaha

additionally this comic changed my brain chemistry when i first read at it in 2014.

[sinkersblog]

Ello everyone hardcase here! And me fives. We're on the topic of autism. Fives: Bessy we all know she is gifted with the force but gifted in other ways as well but the galaxy is a harsh and dark place for a lot of us including the earth system. She sees life in a way others may not.

Hardcase: yes and with these gifts comes a great threat to all beings such as herself like miss understandings and most of all abuse and neglect. But not with us. Here we shelter her from that. Yes she may have her challenges getting her words out or being social but one must never be judged for they're apperintses. All beings are valuable.

Mean while...

Chopper: hey guys where's eve?!

Tech:found her!

Chopper: ha ha ha! Um wot is she doing out there?!

Ellie: oi daddy I'm a spy! Heyawwww! Sneaky sneak!

Slick:kids daddy's home! Cricket sound: Chirp chirp....

Slick:kids?! Gus hun where u at?!

Gus: I'm in the kitchen babe!

Slick: ok! Well I brought home food on the way from work!

Suzey:ok hun cool thanks just set it on the counter!

Slick: ok.

Back with fives and hardcase...

Crosshair: helloooo my loves! Morgana here!

Fives: wot u need cross?!

Crosshair: Um I kinda need assistance with the hose. It's somehow not wanting to turn on. I got to get some of the plants and flowers up by the house watered.

Comet: I'll help u brother!

Crosshair: thank u comet.

Comet: ur welcome.

Jek and SHAEEAH: um... Jek: SHAEEAH u want to get the ball?! SHAEEAH: ummm nope! It's in that grumpy old man's yard. I'm not going there...

Jek: well I'm not either!

Both together daddddyyyyyy!

Cut at meditately ran out to see the problem next thing u know the cranky old man storms over while levitating the ball with one force wielding hand and a lightsaber in the other.

Dukoo: it goes in my yard again and I'll make sure it'll never return to u hooligans again!

Cut with a calm voice and yet a stirn look on his face looking to the old koot. cut: I assure u Mr tyranus it'll not happen again

My kids were only having fun.

Kids wot do u say?!

Jek and SHAEEAH: sorry Mr dukoo sir it won't happen again.

Dukoo:??? Sigh.. be as it may u kealoahs need to get a handle on these children. They're incolince and lack of manners underwhelms me. As he said putting away his lightsaber.

[salaciousslut]

How has your day been so far, sweetheart?<3 also im ngl sometimes when i listen to Igual Que Un Ángel by Kali Uchis i think of you🫣

I'd trust you with my life if i ever blacked out tbh! I dont trust many people around me when im drunk but you give off a really safe feeling so if it were just us two i would maybe over do it on the alcohol 🫣 the thought of being hung over is so scary to me tbh!! I never wanna be hung over! And if i drink on an empty stomach im fucked like im just real drunk off one shot its not fair 🙄 i hope you'd have fun with us if you got drunk with us!! but im ngl i think i was a lil weird last night due to unfortunately getting a bit horny but y'know thats life😩 im just glad my friends werent able to tell cause that's between me and whoever i wanna tell. Normally though we are just big dorks abour anime, movies, and random tv shows, and i cant shut up about music half the time. 🤭

Im the same way!! i just unfortunately occasionally have some like autism/adhd moments where suddenly ive focused too much on trying to actively listen and end up not listening, so if i ask you to repeat yourself a few times its either bc of that or the fact that my audio processing stuff is kinda crazy at times. But i know i'll enjoy hearing you talk<3

Tease me as much as you want to<3 and by all means go ahead and be a menace. Either way im gonna end up with my fingers inside you🥰 i wanna make you melt, i wanna see just how much you need someone inside of you<33

Its sweet that you wanna spoil me<3 like it feels like a crime that youre calling me kind when you keep talking about taking care of me and spoiling me and im just saying nice things. Like i should be taking care of you, youre the princess here sweetheart<3 and i swear to you im thriving under any circumstance, the universe wakes me up every morning by gently kissing my eyelids hehe🤭

I hope to show you my smile and see yours, i dunno how you feel about video calls, but maybe when im comfy with it and if youre comfy with it (and after ive been in your dms a little while) we can do a lil video call! Just an innocent little hang out between a butch and a pretty girl<3 I'll let you know if you feed it too much in that case, I could use a lil more confidence just not too much. I can teeter on the edge of entitlement if i let it go too far, and i hate who i am when i act entitled like that version of me is such a dick and not even in a hot way.

its been okay, ive been studying all day because i have a big exam on monday which is soooo boring but im trying my best! and omg i just listened to the song and its so pretty!! im really honored that you think of me 🥺☺️ ive listened to a few of kali uchis stuff and its sooo good!!

aww yes i take care of my people!! im the mom friend so i gotta make sure everyone is alive and safe! but hehe i hope u werent horny because of me 🫣 if it was then oopsies sorry babe! and i love big lil dorks!! im a lil nerd myself so i totally understand!!

its okay i know what u mean! i have auditory processing issues too but im very understanding and well always do as asked so u never have to worry being around me!

ahh youre soo swoon worthy, i want you inside me now!!!! 🥺

youre saying nice things because you are nice and kindhearted! plus i just like seeing other happy!! and we can take care of each other!! none of that one way shit!!! its give and take!! hehe im kissing u on the nose and temple rn 😘

yes yes i love video calls, im the type who if u give me permission to call u whenever, ill learn ur schedule and just ft out of the blue bc i miss ur face and presence. i know how u feel tho so please take ur time!! hehe handsome butch and a pretty princess on the phone is too powerful tho, everyone else needs to watch out

okay i understand!! but dont be too hard on yourself okay? u deserve good things

[kiss-alien]

💖 red son

!!! facts n headcanons abt red !!!

he have autism. this is just real i know everything. she is such an academic and has such a passion for both magic and mechanics and combining the two!!! and ofc will proudly talk ur ear off abt her latest invention <3

low social battery... sometimes my boy just needs to retreat to his room after a long 10 minutes of conversation and flop on his bed. or snuggle their bf.

bitching as a love language. what is love if not someone you can gossip and complain with while u do each others nails. what if love if not going "wow that was kind of embarrassing babe 🙄" "oh but you love me anyway" "of course <3"

can NOT take what they dish out. yes they can flirt and tease all they want but the second we drop that uno reverse card xe gets stupid flustered...

lowkey has control issues. if the plan is not going to plan it freaks out. if someone else tries to change its plan when the thing is already happening he freaks out. just do the thing the way it was agreed upon!! stressful!

umm thats all i got rn <3 fact: i kiss them.

[thegrandlinesimp]

(i think ur open for event requests if not please igNore) but congrats on 100 darling!!!! im so happy you got into writing <3 sincerest congratulations and we’re so happy to have you here

could i please request my hubby eustass kid with the fluff letters C (comfort), G (gratitude), S (support), and Y (yearning)?

feel free to just choose a couple or leave one out if you don’t feel up for it, thank you!!! this is so cute and fun I look forward to reading what people send in xx

Σ(゜ロ゜;) L-Lemon-san! I-in my ask box?!

a fellow kid simp I've been too shy to gush about him to!

I HOPE THIS IS GOOD ENOUGH SENPAI!!!

Still on an autism awareness event high so I threw in some shutdown headcanons into Comfort since no one asked for my small-dog-syndrome-anger-level-tulip during that event!

Warning: a bit of suggestiveness (it’s Kid what do you expect), some light angst and slight reference to self harm stimming

Kid fluff letters

(Fucking award-winning smile!)

Comfort (How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc?)

Sad/depressed (yes, yes, everyone, I know all too well there’s a difference, fight me):

He gets it, though he may not show much other emotion other than anger or delight, he understands that everyone’s wired differently (why do you think Killer’s still bffs with this idiot?). He’ll let them be sad, depressed even, leaving them to their own devices for a couple of days while making sure they’re taken care of food and hygiene wise.

But once those two to four days (the length depends on the cause of the feeling) are up, he’s dragging them out of the bowels of the ship by the scuff of their shirt to get some fresh air, to feel the warm sun on their skin.

“Take a deep breath of that sea breeze, babe,” he’d grin at them, making sure they do so, “smell it? That’s life’s next big adventure, ready to share it with me?!”

Panic:

rip bitch

He’ll deadass panic too.

But his way of panicking is to scream at you to not panic, it starts as shouting but gets louder the longer it goes on.

This happens once, for every subsequent panic attack, he’s gonna get Killer.

Shutdown: Link for an explanation on shutdowns and how they differ from meltdowns

The first time he sees this it freaks him the fuck out, literally shouts in their face to look at him but they just cower slightly and start self-harm stimming, scratching at their own skin till it bleeds.

Suffice to say, reinforcements (Killer) were called in for that.

Now though? He knows what to do, keep an eye on them, give them one of their stim toys (remembers not to get mad if they don’t take it from him, just calmly places it near their hand) and drape his cloak over them (it’s heavy enough to act as a weighted blanket and smells like him so it’s perfect for calming them down). If he absolutely has to go he’ll call out for Killer to watch them.

When they finally come out of it, he’s gonna ask for permission before every little touch.

Gratitude (How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

Verbally, Kid isn’t very grateful. Very rarely will his s/o get a simple ‘thanks’. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice the things they do for him.

Massaging his aching shoulder after a hard battle or overuse of his prosthetic? What do they want? A cuddle? A hug? They fucking got it. Brought him his favourite drink and snack while he’s super busy in his workshop? He’s gonna go out of his way to make them a little something.

Just don’t expect him to pull out a chair or open a door like a gentleman. That shit’s for pansies. They’ve got hands, so use them!

Kid is all about acting, doing, words don't come easily for him. So he does what he can to show he’s grateful for his s/o.

Support (Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?)

Number one hype man here, wants his s/o as fired up about their goals/dreams as he is about becoming the Pirate King. From something as little as losing five kilos to finding All Blue, he’ll help them achieve it.

Will shout at them for one more push-up till they pass out, one more lap around the deck. But no more snacks! Killer will sneak them a little treat once a day when their Captain isn’t looking.

Also if you did find All Blue holy shit he’d be beside himself! Killer! Make a fucking feast! Now he has to become Pirate King cause he can’t have his s/o showing him up!

Yearning (How will they cope when they missing their partner?)

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT leave this man child alone for more than a week or two!

Just like how people go through the five stages of grief when they lose someone, Kid goes through (I fucking typed something and it autocorrected to ‘rehab’ I’m dying) the three stages of being a clingy, insecure little brat.

The first week is all good, he just needs a couple of suggestive pictures of his s/o and he’s happy.

Week two is where the loneliness begins to set in, he’ll busy himself with extra projects and be a little snappier to the crew. It’s not anything a longtime member of the Kid Pirates can’t handle though.

It’s week three when things get bad.

He.

Fucking.

Sulks!

Permanent frown on his face, looking like he’s gonna cry half the time, sulking.

Week four is the tipping point, when his inner demons begin to whisper in his ear.

He starts thinking they’ve left him, found someone better, someone who’ll treat them right. He could never treat anyone right, so maybe they’re better off without him…

But…what if they’re being held captive! Tortured and starved! Bleeding out on a cell floor!

Man does not rest till they are safe in his arms.

Will allow himself to cry ONE (1) time, and boy does make it count. If anyone barges into his cabin during this they are straight-up dead, gone.

Next time his s/o sees them they’d better be ready for one hell of a bear hug! Having to remind him of their ribs as he nearly crushes them in his arms.

Though if it has only been a week or two, be prepared to not walk right for a couple of days.

[faaun]

A character you really relate with? Also worst drunk moment (only if your comfy!!)

ok i took the character test to answer this and apparently ! beth harmon :) which is honestly like . yh . i wish i was half as clever as her but it's the autism and the obsession w ur discipline and learning more and the vibes and the seeming cold/accidentally rude irl xoxo

ALRIGHT WORST DRUNK MOMENT . ok theres like . actual worst moment and technical worst moment . basically i feel like the last time i got properly black out drunk was technically the worst bc i was around so many ppl and the 2 friends who had to carry me home and watch me give myself w literal concussion and cry violently were STONE COLD SOBER. but !! actual worst moment (like on a mental level) was the first time i got black out drunk . i was w my friend and i was in a horrible relationship and i was so so so sad and i think i told my ex i never believed they loved me lmao (it was true) rkth also the friend i was w decided that my parents shouldn't know i was drunk (we were both 18 so idk why) so decided to HIDE ME IN MY OWN ROOM and pretend like im sleeping while having to make sure i dont throw up and my parents found out and it was so messy omg . just a bad time babes ♡ didnt drink whiskey for like 10 months after that

[muwur]

could i request an -oikawa-kuroo-suga- headcanons for a partner with autism/adhd? (autism and adhd in girls can be like, real hard to write if you dont have it or know someone who does so its 100% okay to say no wididnejfufhejrr) especially with like, being embarrassed about stimming in front of them or dealing with rejection sensitive dysphoria as a symptom 😗👉👈 thank yooooooooooou i owe u my liyef

haikyuu + s/o with autism/adhd headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for oikawa, kuroo, suga & tendou

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.3k words

a/n: i got u b! this is wut im here for, to help u feel a lil represented 😌 also ik u a special fren of mine so hehe here u go (happy birthday soon btw c; ily i hope you enjoy pls feel free to lmk if there’s smth youd like me to change ♡)! aLsO pLEASePLEAseplEASe anyone let me know if there is something I wrote in this that doesn’t sit well with you. as someone who does not have autism/adhd or has had much experience around people who do, i cannot portray it accurately. i do not intend to misrepresent anyone’s experiences. i love and care for you all; the last thing i want to do is hurt or offend anyone. thankfully anon + the internet were great sources for me to try to understand things better. tho that is not to say i can fully comprehend these conditions (cuz i never can unless i experience it myself)

n e ways, u r all loveli n i hope ur having an amazing day <3

just wanna preface that these bois would love anyone for who they are, and would do their best to support you in whatever ways possible <3

oikawa

✧ oikawa had been replying consistently to your messages before suddenly disappearing with no explanation,,,

✧ at first it seemed like nothing, but after several hours and follow up texts from yourself, you couldn’t help but think that maybe he just didn’t want to reply to you

✧ maybe he didn’t even like you anymore

✧ fear that every moment you shared together meant nothing settled in the pit of your stomach

✧ a while later you received a phone call from a very apologetic oikawa, who was explaining that he dropped his phone in the bowl of ramen he was eating and had to go to the store and wait for hours before finally getting a new one and--

✧ “a-are you crying? hey, what’s wrong? i’m sorry i was gone for so long. i’m here now.”

✧ will definitely come over immediately to give you reassuring cuddles

✧ “you mean the world to me. i never want to hurt you, and i never want to leave you, either.”

✧ makes sure to communicate very clearly with you to reassure you what he really means

✧ always reminding you how much he cares about you to reinforce in your head that he’s always going to be there for you

✧ does self-care days with you to destress because life is tough (*cue selfies with face masks and laying in bed for hours with each other’s comforting presence*)

✧ very quick to defend and protect you from people who hurt you. will ask, “excuse me, can i help you?” with a piercing glare that’ll get anyone to back down

✧ gives you constant reassurance about your stimming

✧ helps you interpret social cues and situations, gives you tips on how to handle your interactions with others and in under circumstances (as well as how to remain calm in your own mind)

✧ practices positive self-talk with you because he wants to help you see how great you are

✧ anyone who doesn’t see it is at a loss and is irrelevant, they don’t exist in oikawa’s book 💅

kuroo

✧ always educating himself so he knows how to be helpful

✧ unintentionally embarrassed you once by asking what you were doing when he caught you stimming once (which was when he found out about it)

✧ he was genuinely curious and meant no harm, and he apologized for bringing it up how he did

✧ however, he was glad he asked you so that he could be informed and reassure you that stimming is okay. he understands the importance of it and he’d prefer you have something to help you self-soothe. no judgment here, this is a safe space

✧ takes mental notes on all your favorite stims (verbal, visual, tactile, oral, proprioception, etc)

✧ even discovers new stims for you to try and buys you things to help with them (“here, this is a fidget spinner, y/n” or “you know they make CHEWABLE JEWLERY? they call it CHEWELRY. that’s genius. *typing on phone* what colors do you like, babe?” )

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings and find additional coping strategies (“let’s try this neat breathing technique i learned about today!”)

✧ saves you from overwhelming situations (ie. pulling you out of a crowd, shutting down really noisy things, giving you space to clear your head and breathe)

✧ ruffles your hair as a sign of affection and calls you cute nicknames

✧ helps you study, make plans, and stay organized. tries to keep things interesting and interactive so you don’t lose interest/find it boring

✧ when you’re having an especially hard time focusing, he’ll pull you aside for a relaxing break like talking a small walk, watching an episode of y’alls favorite show, sharing a snack, playing a game, looking at memes or tik tok, chatting, etc

✧ makes sure to validate your feelings first and acknowledge your concerns before giving you his thoughts

✧ helps you view situations from a different perspective so you don’t assume rejection from others. when there is some form of rejection, he’s there to help you cope with the emotions 

✧ gives you a lot of hugs when you’re feeling dejected and lonely, reminding you he’ll never leave your side 

sugawara

✧ he’s quite perceptive, so when he noticed your unease, he asked you about it

✧ embarrassed but not wanting to lie, especially to suga, you admitted to being afraid of stimming around him and that you had been trying to hold back from it (even if it was hard)

✧ his eyes immediately soften as he tells you that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about it

✧ he just wants you to be yourself and feel comfortable

✧ learns about all of your stims. totally supports and normalizes them (however, if they’re ever self-injurous, he’ll do research and consult expert help to redirect the behavior)

✧ will absolutely take good care of you, he’s not sugamama for no reason

✧ a great listener! always hearing you out when you talk about your passions and interests

✧ wants you to express yourself however you can because he understands communication may not always be easy (reminder that communication and expression aren’t always verbal!)

✧ praises you and hypes you up all the time, going on about how there’s so much about you he loves

✧ has the most soothing voice ever. will whisper you sweet, reassuring words to calm and ease your mind

✧ will even just hum for you. lit rally anything. the suga juke box varies from lullabies to funky fresh songs

✧ very patient and will support you when you feel upset, frustrated, and/or have outbursts

✧ encourages you to talk about your feelings, but never pressures you. shares his own thoughts and feelings to help you open up, asks you thoughtful questions

✧ may be ultimate soft boi but gives anyone the look™ if they even just stare, and goes feral if someone’s ever rude to you in any way, calls them tf out and is #satisfied when he gets them to apologize

✧ also helps you study and be organized! good at creating schedules and encouraging you to stick with them

✧ constantly making sure you eat sufficient meals 😋 and get enough rest 😴 will nag you until you do

tendou

✧ MORE THAN HAPPY TO PROVIDE ALL THE STIMULATION YOU NEED, says it’s an opportunity to give each other mutual attention and bond

✧ but will also provide you an outlet for just relaxing and unwinding

✧ will talk to you for hours and hours about your favorite shows/movies/books

✧ BINGES THEM WITH YOU

✧ always treating you to your favorite snacks/flavors and discovering new things for you to try that will match your taste/texture preferences (only the best for u 😌)

✧ curious about how stims make you feel and asks you to describe those sensations to him  

✧ thinks it’s super cool when you can finish his sentences for him,,, cuz it’s like y’all on the same wavelength (you gellll)

✧ if anyone made you feel bad,,, o boy

✧ tendou would intimidate them to the point he would probably appear in their nightmares ffegjegk this is why you don’t fuck with this man or those who cares about 

✧ king of spontaneity and asks if you’re down to do the most random things

✧ “let’s buy a trampoline”

✧ *2 am* “you down for some fries and dip? and by dip i mean m i l k s h a k e s”

✧ of course he’ll never suggest things he knows you would be uncomfortable with. never puts you in a stressful situation and always makes sure you’re enjoying yourself

✧ invites you everywhere and makes sure you feel included. always by your side!

✧ squeezes your hand whenever he can tell you’re feeling anxious

✧ if you feel anxious about trying new things, he’s there to encourage you! recounts all the positive aspects 

✧ but if you’re really excited to try something, you bet he’ll match your excitement

✧ a very good listener. empathizes a lot with being misunderstood or seen as “different,” and is therefore a major source of comfort

✧ constantly showing you how to be yourself and that you shouldn’t feel ashamed about it, cuz that’s who he fell in love with

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Smoking

Nat: Was anyone going to tell me that Crockett was a parent

Nat: Or was I just supposed to find that out from his mental breakdown today myself?

Ethan Choi: ?????

connor: @crickett

crickett: yeah her name is nunya

Queen Elsa: I know where you’re going with that and it’s not very nice

crickett: neither is having ur coworker tell everyone about ur dead daughter lmao

Nat: I didn’t know…

crickett: well do u see me bopping up to work with a six year old nat

Dr. Lanik: Let’s all take a deep breath

no-ah: insensitive!

April: Noah woke up this morning, he’s still intubated but he’s able to text

Nat: That’s good news, right?

Bekker: Sorry I’m still caught up on the Crockett thing

crickett: why are yall in my business fuck off

FreeWilly: watch your profanity

Dr. Lanik: @Nat @Bekker as you’re both parents as well you should know better than to be so insensitive about what’s clearly an emotional subject. We’re not going to talk about this unless Crockett wants to.

Crickett: @Dr.Lanik i respect u and u only.

no-ah: topic change -- what crusty mother fucker made me bleed into my lungs

Bekker: Med Student

April: This is why I don’t think we should have let a med student do it

Other Bekker: piping hot tea today ig

connor: u consented to med students

no-ah: fair

crickett: anyone in this thread smoke weed

Other Bekker: jhjgfjhgf

Other Bekker: ((yes))

Other Bekker: ((are you allowed to smoke?))

crickett: yes can we hotbox ur car after work

Ethan Choi: >:(

connor: hotboxing doesn’t mean sex babe it just means they smoke inside with the windows rolled up

Bekker: That’s bad for your lungs

Other Bekker: to be fair im trying to make sure i dont smoke around our daughter

Bekker: Fair point

Dr. Lanik: No smoking weed!

FreeWilly: what are you a cop

crickett: call the cops bitch ill have sex with them

Maggie <3: Is anyone else invited to your lil smoking session

Nat: @Maggie<3 ??????

Maggie <3: What? I have a med card, it actually really helps with the physical (and mental!) side effects of chemo. And honestly, getting high with Crockett sounds like a lot more fun than putting CBD oil under my tongue, taking a couple pills, and going to bed.

crickett: mags is welcome but the rest yall can perish

Other Bekker: @crickett you bring the food ill bring the weed

Other Bekker: @Maggie<3 bring your beautiful self

crickett: i love bonding <3

no-ah: homophobic that i wasnt invited

April: YOU ARE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH PNEUMONIA

no-ah: and?

-

Ethan Choi: I didn’t know Crockett had a daughter

Connor Rhodes: me neither. u would think hed tell us

Ethan Choi: I mean, if she’s dead it makes sense he wouldn't wanna talk about it

Ethan Choi: Maybe that’s why he came here

Ethan Choi: Should we bring it up?

Connor Rhodes: u do realize hes still staying with sarah and ava right

-

Other Bekker: UPDATE

Other Bekker: everyone should smoke with @crickett at least once

Dr. Lanik: This is a work groupchat

FreeWilly: i say this with love… baby please smoke a joint it would vastly improve your quality of life and everyone elses

Ethan Choi: You better not be using one of those dab pens(?) they can damage your lungs

[Other Bekker has sent an image to the chat]

Other Bekker: ofc not we’re using a bong with a vagina on it

April: Why are you like this

April: Noah is now showing me where you bought it

April: First of all I don’t need a bong, second of all, why would I want one with that on it, third of all, why does Noah know where to buy genital themed drug products

Nat: I love you but take a moment to think about it

Dr. Lanik: Is there anyone in this chat who isn’t smoking weed

Queen Elsa: Me but I kind of want to try

April: Natalie and I don’t

Ethan Choi: I don’t

Bekker: I don’t anymore

Dr. Lanik: Well I don’t care if some of you are, just keep it out of the work chat please?

-

Doctor Malpractice: Sarah can we actually stop talking about it 

Doctor Malpractice: it’s making jimmy uncomfortable

Sarah: yeah np ill bring it up to crockett and maggie too

-

Queen Elsa: Can I vent?

crickett: go for it

Queen Elsa: All due respect to Dr. Charles, he fucking sucks and treats me like a toddler. I get that he’s trying to do his job, but he does know that I’m literally also a person with anxiety and autism and I guarantee I understand them better than he does. He always makes me feel guilty for trying to help patients, and a couple weeks ago he was acting like I was crazy but I’m not. It just makes me feel like such shit.

Other Bekker: first of all go off

Other Bekker: second of all i know how you feel. he was like that with me too. it really sucks and ive got your back if you need anything at all

Queen Elsa: Thank you <3

Maggie <3: I’ve never seen you use a heart emoji! That’s so adorable

Queen Elsa: And you’ll never see me do it again.

Dr. Lanik: If you want, I can talk to him about it. We’re both department heads, but at the end of the day, it’s /my/ ED and he can’t treat you like that.

Queen Elsa: That’s really not necessary and would probably end with me crying when he confronts me about it so no thanks, but I appreciate the offer.

crickett: just let us know if u need anything hon

Ethan Choi: There’s still leftovers of Crockett’s latest seafood extravaganza so if you want me to bring you lunch tomorrow I can

Queen Elsa: Crockett’s been bringing me lunch, I’m okay.

Other Bekker: we eat like kings now at my house

Other Bekker: the kid adores him too. calls him uncle kett and everything

connor: that is too cute

-

HUBBY: Hey

HUBBY: When are you coming home? Connor and I miss you

-

Dr. Bekker (Brunette): hey maggie elsa and i are gonna go to the beach and get high tonight wanna come

Crockett: hell yeah

-

Dr. Lanik: @EthanChoi @connor @Bekker come to the ED immediately. @April find Maggie and Elsa’s emergency contacts. 

Dr. Lanik: EMT just brought in victims of a car crash. Maggie, Elsa, Sarah, and Crockett

Nat: Oh my God.

[sun-kissed-star]

Could u write albert/race (platonic or romantic) w adhd!race (btw i l o v e ur fics)

thank u love, just for you here’s a fic of me projecting on race, ft. an asshole date and albert being a sweetheart

trigger warning: ableist language

~~~~~~~

“Come to the park with me on my date, he said,” Albert muttered to himself, swatting a branch out of his face. “It’ll be fun, he said.”

In any given situation, Albert would rather stab out his left eyeball with a spork than be a third-wheel on a date. It made him anxious and turned him from calm and collected to a shy, awkward mess in a matter of seconds. 

Apparently, all those things went out the window when Race was involved. Albert guessed it was fair, anyway. Race had met a cute boy named Kevin at a party, been asked out on a date, and proceeded to beg Albert to come with him. He’d barely talked to the boy and he was “too young and pretty to be murdered on a first date.” (Race’s words, not Albert’s.)

Besides, it wasn’t really third-wheeling. Not when Albert was crouched in a tree, watching Kevin slip his hand into Race’s. It was technically called stalking. 

“You having fun?” Kevin said to Race. They were sitting on a bench directly under Albert’s tree, and frankly, he considered it a miracle Kevin hadn’t looked up yet. 

“Yeah,” Race said, grinning at their linked hands. His cheeks and ears were tinged pink. “I love this park. When I was seven, my mom, my biological one, took me and my best friend Albert here. I don’t live with her anymore, I doubt she remembers it, but I broke my arm. I don’t even remember how. I mean, that wasn’t the last time I was here, that’s the only time I’ve ever broken something. My brother says it’s a miracle I haven’t cracked my head open from all the idiot stuff I do. He shouldn’t be talking, right? He’s usually the reason I do stupid stuff. Me and him went to this park a few weeks ago. Oh, his name’s Jack, I’ve got two brothers and a sister, all adopted, our poor mom. Have you met him? He was at that party we met at, but he was probably passed out on the couch.”

Race took a breath and looked at Kevin expectantly. Albert had followed the entire conversation, more than used to Race when he started rambling, but Kevin didn’t have the same expertise. He looked like a deer in headlights, scrambling to find an endpoint to Race’s story. 

“Um… you’re a foster kid?” he finally settled on saying. “Or, um, you’re adopted?”

Albert didn’t approve. 

“Yeah,” Race said. “Adopted when I was eleven. Did I mention that? Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to unload on you.”

“Um, it’s okay, you didn’t,” Kevin said. “So… what happened with your brother?” Race raised an eyebrow, and Kevin elaborated. “A few weeks ago? When you were here with him?”“Oh!” Race said, and he launched back into his story like he’d never taken a pause. “So, we dragged a trampoline to the base of a tree, and he dared me to jump off a branch and land on the trampoline. We didn’t have a helmet so we just used a pillow. Honestly, that was one of the times where I thought I’d break somethin’ else, but it was just that one time when I was seven. I had a huge scratch on my leg for a couple weeks and I’ve got a scar, but it’s not that bad.”Kevin laughed awkwardly and tucked his hands under his thighs. It was then Albert noticed that Race had pulled their hands apart and was gesturing grandly with one. The other was resting on Kevin’s knee. Race was a tactile guy, and Albert was surprised the hand hadn’t made its way to Kevin’s face. 

“You talk a lot,” Kevin said. 

Race smiled. “Ain’t the first time someone’s told me that, trust me,” he said. “You should talk to my teachers. They’d probably go on tangents longer than mine about me. My math teacher doesn’t like me ‘cause I always get the answer right, but not the way I’m supposed to get it, which is fuckin’ unfa-”

“Let’s get ice cream,” Kevin cut in, standing up suddenly and grabbing Race’s sleeve to tug him up with him.

Race smiled sheepishly as his hand moved to grab Kevin’s again. Kevin stuffed his hands in his pockets pointedly. “Okay, cool. Sorry. Just let me know if I start rambling like that and I’m bein’ annoying. I’m kind of an idiot.”

“It’s fine,” Kevin said with a grin so fake it hurt to look at. The kid was getting a solid two out of ten on Albert’s scale of “People That Deserve To Hang Out With My Friends.”

“Hey, I don’t have my wallet with me,” Race said, patting his pockets. “But I can pay you back for the ice cream. It’d be the gentleman thing to do, right?” He winked, sidling up to Kevin’s side to lean on him, and Albert forced a laugh back down his throat. 

Kevin didn’t think it was funny. When Race’s elbow raised to rest on his shoulder, he moved away. “You didn’t bring your wallet?” he said, frowning. “But I didn’t bring mine. We agreed to get ice cream a couple days ago, when I asked you out, and you said you’d pay. Remember?”

Race’s face fell when Kevin stepped back. “Oh… oh,” he said, realization dawning over his face. “Fuckin’ shit. I’m sorry, Kevin,” he said, running a hand through his hair. Albert wanted to jump down and give him a hug, but that might have had something to do with the fact that his back was permanently cramped from hunching over in the tree for so long. 

Instead of forcing a smile and saying “It’s fine,” which Albert had been expecting, the frown didn’t waver on Kevin’s face. “What’s your problem, man?” he said. “Like, I don’t wanna be rude, but you’ve spent this entire time talking about yourself and you forgot about something we agreed on two days ago.”

“I… dude, I didn’t mean to,” Race tried. “Sorry if I’m being obnoxious. I have ADHD and I’ve been out of meds since last week. I forgot to tell my mom, but she’s picking them up today.”

If anything, Kevin’s scowl deepened, which just made the situation worse. Albert could read Race’s stiff shoulders and fleeting eyes like a book. “That’s not an excuse, dude. I get that you’ve got memory problems or whatever, but we’ve all got our issues. Can’t you just… I don’t know, try harder?” 

“I -”

“Forget it,” Kevin muttered. “I’m not really in the mood for ice cream, I think I’m just gonna go home. I’ll text you or something.” He clapped a hand on Race’s shoulder. “See you later, Tony.”

From the look on his face as he walked off, hands still stuffed deep in his pockets, Albert had a feeling he wouldn’t be texting. 

He waited until Kevin had completely disappeared around the corner. He’d pulled out his phone as soon as he left Race alone, thumps tapping wildly on the screen. Albert could only pray there wouldn’t be rumors about “the weird, freckled kid that never shuts up” at school on Monday. 

He jumped down from his tree, a lot less gracefully than he would’ve prefered. Race jumped a foot in the air and whipped around as Albert sweared loudly, clutching his foot. 

“Shit, I forgot you were up there,” Race said. His shoulders slumped, and he looked more like a kicked puppy than a dejected teenage boy. “Sorry you had to listen to all that. Like, me rambling and then gettin’ ditched by Kevin and whatever.”

“Shut up,” Albert said. Hearing himself out loud, he quickly backtracked, “I-I mean, you can talk as much as you want. I just don’t want you to… you’ve said sorry too much today, Racer. It’s not your fault.”He stared intently at the hole in the toe of his Converse as he was talking, and when he looked up, Race’s eyes were red. He wasn’t quite crying, but his voice cracked when he spoke.

“Yes it is.” It sounded like he’d tried to sound angry with himself, to snap out his words like a rubber band against raw skin, but he just sounded sad. “Don’t play dumb, Albie. Kevin’s right. I talked about myself too much, and I forgot about somethin’ so fuckin’ simple, and I chased him away. Did you see his face?” he demanded. “He looked at me like I was a fuckin’ alien from Area 51, and then he left.”

As much as Albert wanted to say “Good riddance to him, then,” he didn’t think it would be appreciated. He stepped forward, Race sunk his head into his shoulder.

“I’m such an idiot,” he said, words muffled in Albert’s shirt. “And I kind of wanted that ice cream, babe, not gonna lie.” 

Albert gripped the back of Race’s neck wordlessly, knowing the pressure was grounding and comforting from how often Race did it to him. “Lucky for you,” he mumbled in Race’s ear, “I always come prepared. C’mon, dude, my brother gave me twenty bucks and I’m spending all of it before I step foot in my house.”

Race smiled against his shoulder. “What would I do without you? Seriously, would I be dead? I think I’d be dead.”

“No, you just wouldn’t have stories to tell about breaking your arm with me to asshole dates.”

“He wasn’t an as-”

“Race. You told him you had ADHD, and he told you to try harder and get over it.”

“I should’ve told him before so he’d know how much work I can b-”“If I told someone I had autism and they told me to suck it up and stop whining, would you deck them or not?”

Race lifted his head, silently pursing his lips together. “Okay,” he admitted. “He was kind of an asshole.”

Albert nodded solemnly. “The asshole to end all assholes,” he said. He was just trying to make Race laugh and they both knew it, but in his defense, it was working. “C’mon,” he said, grabbing Race’s collar and ushering him towards the sidewalk. “Chocolate or vanilla?”“Both. Extra sprinkles.”

“Damn. You know I’m paying, right? Maybe you’re the asshole.”

Race laughed again, throwing his head back and an arm around Albert’s shoulders, and for the first time in an hour, all was right with Albert’s world. 

TAG LIST

@booksbroadwayandbagels @tis-my-cigar  @harrynerd-blog  @crutchieee-morris  @seizetheimagines @juliet-the-smol @got-the-east-side  @i-got-personality  @internalscreaming012  @voice-foundshoe-lost @capncrutch @thatfancyclam  @jjjudeshitposts  @orphan-with-a-stutter @disney-princess-sized  @perpetualbedheadspier @bexlynne  @we-dont-sell-papes @the-woild-is-my-what-now  @you-thinks-wrong-romeo  @pitiful-ambitions  @purplelittlepup @imjusttheoutgoingsidekick @damn-too-many-fandoms  @cattt420 @savory-n-sweet  @thedolanspineapple @racescoronas@awwwwwwdang @bencookisagod @carryingthedaveyjacobs @disasterbisexualhere @maiawakening @racetrackcook  @aw-jus-let-em-try @suddenly-im-respecsable @the-dance-boi  @jessmuell25 @intoomanyfandomstopickaname @be-more-chill-evan-hansen  @marcusisaprettygay  @insane-tomato @tomscaprisun  @seasickdolphin  @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @papesdontsellthemselves @narniasfinestavengingsociopath @findmeintheafterglow

[thegreatsylvando]

REAL sighardt college student headcanons

yes rein played football. huge himbo, but he wasn’t dumb. just extremely vain & obsessed with his hair

sig legit had one of these mullets (tw for david bowie sorry) & smoked a lot which is why his teeth are so dull

also he’s not a twinkish nightmare he’s built very much like how i imagine him as an old man (mesomorph body but with a soft belly & defined limb muscles)

jock/nerd dynamic where one is like “URGH ME BIG MUSCLE NO LIKEY MATH“ & the other one’s like “uwu i wont help u cheat on ur test u big dummy bazinga“ is rancid; sig & rein help each other study/cheat for the subjects they’re bad at

this is if we’re talking about freshman math/science/history 101 classes tho

rein is a history major/literature minor & writes killer papers/loves to read; sig has a very hard time reading fiction books because he’s used to a straightforward prose so he prefers reading for study only

sig fought for a single person dorm because the thought of sharing a room with someone makes his toes curl

ppl actually prefered that rein had his own room bc hes so big and loud

sig cries one time bc the vending machines keep eating his money & rein laughs rly hard at him so sig is a sourpuss for the rest of the week while rein is trailing behind him like “BABE COME ON“ constantly

twice a week rein & sig drive off campus to eat dinner somewhere nice

sig finds its not so bad sleeping around another person when rein stays over for study sessions

rein is popular obviously but sig is also popular in his own way like hes got sort of a good will hunting reputation in the math department “oh there’s an impossible equation you’re testing ur students with? siebren can do that in 5 minutes“; sig is also aware of how smart he is & is a bit haughty as a result

hes also got those noticeable autism tics (repeating things, humming a lot, infodumping regardless of context, making a lot of noises when he’s frustrated)

rein’s adhd tics are similar (refuses to sit in still in a four-hour long class & gets up like every 20 minutes to walk around outside the classroom, needs sig to help him with staying on track while reading, echolalia, no inside voice)

sig & rein are both very drawn to the arts; they spend a lot of time in the library together either reading to each other or borrowing dvds or going to the art buildings to look at ppl’s work

warm tight hugs help them both with sensory overload

[armandmaxxing]

unsure how the gifted thing works in other places, but where I live the hallmarks of giftedness that I was psychologically tested for had nothing to do with being smart; I essentially received autism screening and got told I was profoundly gifted, but I was just autistic and also mentally ill. if this is the case elsewhere, a lot of the “suffering” gifted kids experience is either a) not real or b) bc they’re actually experiencing ableism. gifted kids actually use ur brain challenge

Yeah yeah, in my school at least there was 2 kind of gifted kids, the actually "smart" ones and the ones who were mentally ill... Funny thing that the ones who got bullied where the mentally ill ones.... Like babe, no one bullied you for being smart... It was ableism!

[not-today-thx]

            9-1-2020

         Let me explain to you what goes through my head.  I don’t constantly cry, or even feel sad. I feel heavy. I might feel perfectly fine one moment and absolutely horrible the next. I don’t control my mental illness. At times, it controls me. I feel guilty a lot. I feel lonely almost all the time.

You’re mentally ill, in a toxic relationship, and have like 8 different types of trauma bestie  

         When I’m with “friends”, I worry that I’m actually annoying, or that they are actually trying to get rid of me. I feel guilty for being with them all the time, but then I feel guilty when I avoid them. At school, all I want is to be home, but when I get home, I feel suffocated. I put up a mask- always.  By now, I’m not even sure who I am.

That's the social anxiety, being a closeted trans person, and potential autism babes

I’m afraid to be alone. I’m afraid that if I’m alone for too long, I will actually take my own life.

 Yeahhhh you need so much fucking therapy dude but it's okay cause ur not dead!

Am I a dancer?

I haven’t danced in weeks.

… 

Bro

Dance gave you an ED and a shit ton of chronic pain

And no, you quit in 2021

Am I a musician?

 I don’t feel like one.

 That's ok, you’ll figure it out

Am I an artist?

I don’t feel like one.

DUDE

You are 14

You’ve got time

Am I a sister?

Not a very good one.

Lmaoo nah homie ur a brother

And dw you fixed things with ur sister

Am I a writer?

 A shitty one maybe.

Yeahh that hasnt changed

Am I a friend?

Do I know anyone that truly considers me a friend?

Yeah, actually

Stop being such an edgelord

Am I normal?

Define normal 😐

Do normal people have to physically refrain from self-harm?

 Nope 

Do I need help? Yes.

Am I going to get that help? No.

 You do.

-4/15/22

[goldengoddess]

hi my love!! 💌

i got zoya last time on one of these and was wondering what it would be like for a grishaverse boy! i adore reading more than anything and have autism (so glad i can say that officially now after six months of that sucky diagnosis) so a lot of stimming and don’t like loud noises or excessive lights or smells. i prefer being by myself and struggle with eye contact but can do it better with people i’m very close to. i have short brown hair and like hazel eyes and prefer baggy clothes (reaching for things here won’t lie). i use music a lot to calm down but also love the sound of rain. i think that’s all lots of love and a huge congrats! can’t think of someone who deserves 1.5k more! ilysm mwah.

ur so so sweet. i’m glad you got a diagnosis babe!!!!! here’s ur ship mwah

i ship you with kaz brekker!

you and kaz would be adorable ? like i very much can’t explain it but it just makes so much sense in my head? he buys you all the books. like not even kidding. any time he’s on any kind of job, he’ll steal a book from a fancy merch just for you. is super helpful in everything ? sometimes stims alongside you so you don’t feel so alone in it. rids his room of all smells and sound proofs the windows when you start hanging around his room more often. gives you ALL of his t-shirt’s because he knows you like baggy clothes. goes absolutely insane when he sees you in his clothes for the first time. rain! dates! is all i gotta say!!!!

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🔥🔥🥀🥀Hey xx my name is Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez, and I am a drug addicted alcoholic with 2 years clean! I’m 22. I have 20 mental illnesses I know rock bottom, hell, trauma , pain, and darkness from top to bottom x I’ve been homeless 13 times, 215 mental hospitals , Trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018.

Here's a list of my doctors diagnoses (they were actually diagnosed , DO NOT SELF DIAGNOSE)

•Bipolar, Schizo-affective, PTSD

OCD , ODD, ADHD, anxiety , depression

Insomnia , autism, anorexia

Attachment disorder , narcolepsy

Borderline personality , multiple personality. Dissociative identity fugue

Critically/clinically insane

Tardive Dyskinesia, body dyamorphia

Dissociative Amnesia

Depersonalization/derealization disorder

Intermittent Explosive disorder

Severe Brain Damage

🌙🌙🔥🔥🖤🖤🥀🥀HUGE TRIGGER WARNING🥀🥀🖤🖤🔥🔥🌙🌙

🥀🥀🔥🔥Hey my name is Izzy && I'm a recovering drug addict && alcoholic x This is the longest I've been sober being out of treatment. I've used mostly every drug there is. Been In 3 foster homes (2 out of 3 were abusive) group homes, unlocked and locked treatment centers, rehabs shelters, crisis centers. Short and long term treatment centers. And boarding cares , no home from 2011-2018 Which none will take me back cuz I've been there to many times. I've sold myself && got tortured abused raped drugged up for drugs and money to raise my unbio son, Anthony. I lost custody cuz of false accusations. I've had multiple near death experiences (some were suicide attempts && some were naturally done) my drug of choice was meth x Most of my life I've gotten abused raped, literally tortured and drugged up. Sold. Prostituted, almost killed. But no pity sympathy or attention pls.

a shout out to my unbio son that I raised as my own, Anthony Castillo-Martinez, I met him at one of the many abusive foster homes. Where it was owned illegally by Andrea/Angela && Jimmy Miller. We got tortured daily. They were not licensed foster parents. I met Lil Toni there and I escaped with him to meet up with Kimberly. We lived in a run down hotel in LA. I became homeless again. Toni got me through so much and even tho I can't find him (he's been gone for years) your my lil baby. I will always love u. U are my world and one day I hope to see u again. I hope you have a good home now. Going to school. Just doing well in general. And I'm sorry for you witnessing what Kimberly was doing to me. I love u babes with all my heart. 🖤

🔥🔥every day and night I deal with

20 mental illnesses

Vivid flashbacks 24/7 of the trauma that occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018

40-80 mental breakdowns all day and night

Not being able to aak for help cuz since I've been in 215 mental hospitals the next time I go I'm going to a state institution

Michael Alvarado Alvaro (my main demon) constantly tortures me

No options cuz: I've been in over 100 treatment centers none will take me back

Been on all medications (dosages, types, combinations)

Being the most high maintenance mental health case in the system of California

My dog slowly dying

My mom being constantly sick

Feeling like I dont belong anywhere

My psyical health is getting worse

-feeling weak

-blacking and passing out

-throwing up

-body aches

-memory loss

-constant headaches, stomach pains , nausea, soar throat , body numb

Narcolepsy

-ear aches , my whole body aching Sinusitis

Being overly sensitive / wanting to save the universe and everyone in it

Fear of telling people I'm not OK cuz:

I feel like a burden

It's the same thing over and over again

It gets tiring

I feel like my existinese is a waste

Being literally possessed by my demons

Being autistic

Not eating and not sleeping

Wanting to hurt myself

Wanting to end it

Wanting to escape

My family doesnt want me home

They would be better off without me

Constantly missing my un biological son Anthony

Hearing my torturours in my head

This is not for pity or sympathy

I'm trying.

Im here for all of u . My 2nd Number: 951-460-8418

Suicide Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Also u can text 711-711

Don't give up , u matter x 🔥🔥

60-80 mental breakdowns a day vivid flashbacks every day _ nightmares every night. Being a recovering drug addict/alcoholic.

215 mental hospitals, 3 foster homes, 2 were extremely abusive. , bouncing from unlocked, locked, short and long term treatment centers, group homes, rehab, residential, crisis centers, homeless 13 times. Shelters, most of my life I've been literally tortured, raped, abused, sold, drugged up, I sold myself/prostituted, got tortured and abused in every way possible. Sold drugs to get money to raise Anthony "Lil Toni" Castillo-Martinez (why I have the last name Martinez) who I met in one of the abusive foster homes and raised him as my own. Kimberly M. Olivarez was my deceased ex fiance, she made a false accusation that I gave Anthony drugs (not true at all) , CPS took him away. Kim tortured and abused me in any way possible. She called 60+ people every day and night to abuse, rape, torture , almost kill me. I have attempted suicide over 100+ times, my "dad" who I don't consider my dad abused me in anyway possible from age 4 till he died in 2011. I've been abused by several more people. I have been on every single medication for mental health, every dosage, combination, type. In every sort of treatment. They are trying to concerve me again, last time I talked to my therapist, doctor , treatment team etc they said my next admittion to the mental hospital they are gonna send me away to a state institution. Last time they concerved me I was past my 52/50 and I was at this one hospital, I was there for a few months I can't remember, they had a hearing then they took me to court. I already got my criminal record when I was under 18, they cleared it. I lied to the judge and then later on they took me off concerveraship . so let's say I'm suicidal , unsafe, I can't tell anyone cuz of what I just mentioned. When I was 12 years old I for sent to a level 14 (higher level of care) mental health, addiction, behavioral treatment center for over a year. They couldn't even handle me and they were tryna send me to a higher level of care, but that was the highest level of care. The state of California named me "the most high maitence mental health case in the system" from 2011-2018 I had no home. From 2001-2018 there was trauma occurring 24/7. My soberiety date is 9•18•2018. I have a name for myself from several people. Over 200. Have told me I "help everyone obsessively" I get told to put myself first but that ain't ever gonna happen. I don't trust people, I'm extremely sensitive and I can't take confrontation without me breaking down. I don't date at all cuz of the many traumas. I'm a bi-romantic asexual. I'm 22 and I've always been a female. I accept all of u for who u are, no matter what race, color, sexuality, illness, circumstances ur in, etc etc. I can name more, I accept everybody. Everybody needs somebody , we deserve care, love, help , support, acceptance, appreciation, etc etc. U don't kno someone's story, what they have been and/or currently going thru. U matter, ur existence is a huge blessing to this universe. U are doing the best u can and I'm proud of u. There's more but its 2am and my meds are kicking in. Don't judge anybody. I appreciate all of u and I'm here for u. -- Izzy M. Martinez🌹🌺🌷🔥