#Az once told me we needed drunk latenight parties hatesex with one-sided pining between those two and I delivered

[hel-phoenyx]

Meili belongs to @azeler

You know sometimes when you're the golden child of a damn bougie family with monthly meetings with other right-wingers factories, you don't have much choice but to go.

Plus the evening was at the folks so I didn't have much choice. Mom explicitely told me that if I wasn't there I would get a cut on my allowance, and sadly I still depend on them to get by. Plus, I couldn't let Kriss alone. She needs someone to defend her when they start insulting her husband or try to turn the kid against them.

So I went. And it went as I expected. Profundly boring, full of racist, misogynist and homophobic upper-middle class fuckers, with at least good tasting alcohol. I would rather have been anywhere else but here, but you know, getting hammered on high-quality champagne does have its perks.

And Meili was there so the evening wasn't completely lost. I asked him if his parents forced him, but he told me he came on his own accord. Yeah right. For the sake of our friendship I'm not gonna believe that.

I don't remember much about the evening per se. Like I said, getting hammered with expensive alcohol does have its perks. But I do recall some games between the men, an argument started between Kriss and my uncle about how she chooses to dress the kid (a pink shirt. Oh the blasphemy.) and Meili joining in, but not in the side I was hoping for.

Him, too, was completely hammered. Usually he keeps silent on the matters when I'm here. Probably because last time I almost cursed his whole family out and was very close to hitting him with the prosthesis.

Back to the matter at hand.

Of course I started shit. Of course I told him that the color of a kid's shirt is none of his business and he shouldn't care that much about clothing. When we brought the argument to a secluded room, I even told him that him of all people should know about what turns kids gay and it certainly wasn't the existence of pink in a toddler's life.

That may or may not have played a role in the reason why I am now waking up naked and with my bed absolutely not empty.

More may than may not.

I look to my right. Back hurts, I have a hangover bigger than my future, and some of my muscles feel sore even though I was supposed to get a good night of sleep. And, of course, as if I wasn't having enough problems, Meili is asleep next to me.

Gr-eat. Like I needed to fuck a friend that is not even aware he's not straight and is starting to drift apart from us because he's on the pipeline. This is not at all gonna be messy.

Not. At. All.

Nooooooooooooo.

Gods above my head hurts. I better get my hangover special case in the nightstand. Paracetamol and water, some sugar to have a little kick, or a bottle of rhum to suppress the hangover in another way if needed.

Yes, I may be an alcoholic. No, I have other problems to care for before trying to fully sober. Therapist is fuming but I really can't deal with withdrawal in the middle of a thesis.

Jesus fuck, the more I wake up and the more I remember. I would rather bury that with the rest, but the heat of his body is still gripping to my skin. I hate how soft it feels. It shouldn't.

Anyway. Can't get drunker in that situation, so I take the medicine and the water and waits for it to take effect. And put on something. Ironic of me to say that considering what booze made me do, but I really don't wanna have this conversation naked.

As I reach my shirt, that of course was thrown very far away, I hear something move on my bed, and a bedhead lifts from the pillow.

"What the hell..."

"Morning, sleeping beauty," I sigh, mentally bracing myself. "Before you ask, no, I don't remember the specifics of what we've done last night, but I guess you can get the whole picture."

He blinks. Look at his naked body. Covered in burns and scars. Gods I still remember how they felt under my fingers. Damn brain.

And then he turns his head towards me, eyes full of an unidentifyable yet extremely strong negative emotion. Hey, I am a diagnosed autistic since I got into the PhD, I can't identify feelings easily.

"What the hell, Tyrfing ?!"

"Using the full name, how brutal. I guess you're not very happy, either."

Can't show how badly it hurts. Can't show my name in his mouth stings like a blade. Is it really so bad that you stopped being my friend ?

He looks at his body frantically, run his hands on it, on the scars, on the skin, with the panic of a man that can feel the memories. Before searching for his shirt that I recall throwing far away in my room.

I turn around while he gets out of bed and grabs his clothing. Don't need to add to the embarassment, especially considering he has to put on his prosthesis first.

"... What did you do to me ?!"

And here it starts.

I roll my eyes.

"We were two for that, idiot. I may have been drunk but I remember you jumping on my bones first."

"Yeah right. You must have done something. I'm not gay, asshole."

Was expecting this, but still, sure took a hit.

Calm. Be nice. I know more than anyone his kind of upbringing fucks people up. I can't show how bad the looks of contempt feel right now.

That's my friend, goddamnit. I don't usually fuck my friends, yes, but still, I don't need that to completely ruin our relationship. He's on a dark path. He needs people that can help.

And I need my friend, too.

"Meili, can you please try to not insult me while you're panicking ? What's done is done."

"... And I'm trying to process, jeez ! For the last time-"

Not gay, yes. I know. If I was really mean, I would throw in your face how you looked at Kaizarz, back then. I can't forget the longing on your face. It made me so fucking pissed at the time, one more reason added to the rivalry. Today it just makes me melancholic.

Finally, he takes a deep breath, finishes dressing up. I guess he feels a bit better now that I can't see the scars, now that he thinks he look normal.

"Feeling better ?"

He looks at me. Looks at his body.

"That was a one-time thing."

"Glad we're on the same page."

"I'm not-"

"Not gonna argue with you on this one."

He stays silent a long time. Sighs.

"We're not mentionning that to the others. Ever."

I expected as much. I too, am perfectly content with burying that far, far away in my mind and act like that night ever existed. Plus, if I say one single world about now knowing Meili's body in a more intimate way than anyone I know, I would never hear the end of this, I know Domi would have at least three new jokes a day. Without talking about Kriss.

Yeah.

Perfectly content with that.

It doesn't feel heavy at all.