#Autumn in Philadelphia

[oceangirl24]

Fandom drama finally over (next chapter on the way).

Well, this month has been surreal.

For those of you who have been following me for a while you know I have dealt with plagiarism and harassment by a fandom writer since October of 2022- exactly twenty years after I posted the first chapter of AiP on FFN.

Totally gone.

Everything has been deleted everywhere.

The name has been scrubbed, even on pages that tagged her. Only a few gift fics on FFN and a few stories on WhoFic.com remain.

Gone like she never existed.

I've held off saying anything in case it was a just a dream, but it's real.

She is gone!

It's over.

Finally!

I cannot tell you what a massive relief this is.

I have never named her publicly through all of this, although I know some of you figured out who it was.

MrsFizzle. Kaylie Night.

I never shared the extent of what went on for several reasons, but mostly because I knew my socials were being watched and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that what she was doing was so badly affecting my physical and mental health.

I was already dealing with a severe bout of depression and anxiety when she contacted me on FFN in October 2022. At that time, I did not have any socials linked to my FF accounts other than my art account on FFN. I was just getting back into fandom and hadn't decided how I wanted to engage yet. We had been talking in comments on AO3, and instead of asking me if I wanted to talk privately, she just appeared in my dms saying she wanted to talk so she "found" me. This was disturbing, especially since she indicated she was aware I likely did not want to hear from her, but I brushed it off as anxiety talking. I had said I wanted fandom friends after all. And I had no reason not to talk to her.

I should have listened to my instinct.

She straight up told me what she was going to do and how she was going to do it- take my work and Audrey to chop up and use as she pleased. She immediately began to gaslight me by saying she had all of this already written and was giving me a heads up so I wouldn't think she copied. Later, she insisted she would not change anything about Ashley, which made her previous offer to change her name not sincere.

I felt I couldn't say anything about this, not even saying yes, please change the name. What right did I have anyway? It's fanfiction. Mine is the only story like it in the fandom and recognizable, so she'll credit me, and I'll get over it.

I hated it, though. I hated what I thought she was trying to do, and I hated myself for thinking that of someone new to and excited about the fandom. I've been in BMW fanfiction since 2002 and have always had a great experience with it and the people in it. I convinced myself that I was reading into things, and that depression and anxiety were skewing my perception.

Over a year later, while putting the report together, I saw her own words in comments with the dates on them telling me she read AiP and Flashbacks before writing her story, I just didn't catch it. I also saw all the lies she told her readers about the situation. I saw the little comments picking at my characters and story line, the ones she said she loved so much to make herself look better. I can't imagine what she was telling people privately with how bold as she was publicly.

She lied to me about everything from why Ashley's name was so similar to Audrey's to the plot she had planned for her "little family". Told me our OCs had to be the same because they were written for the same character. They had to be younger than Jon, had to have a traumatic backstory, and had to be good with teens, very pretty, etc. There were differences: her character wasn't as young as mine and "had more of an edge to her".

Also she said she couldn't tag Ashley as an OC because she wasn't. Not really. To say she was original would be "presumptuous". She existed in GMW.

Somehow Audrey did not nor did any other OC love interest for Jon even though they too were nurses like in canon. Unbelievably, she even told a reader Ashley was a canon character.

We talked for one week.

It was a miserable seven days. I set my discord status to invisible to get rid of the pressure to respond right away when she messaged. She didn't like this and wanted to know why she couldn't tell when I was online.

No one else ever shows up like that she said, why do you?

I made something up and said a bunch of things to appease her, but I was worried about why this was such an issue, especially since many of my friends were also permanently invisible. The fear she was watching my online movement just had to be my anxiety driving paranoia, right? She couldn't be. Who has time for that?

A fandom friend I had been talking to about the conversations as they happened advised me to get out. She said I shouldn't be afraid and anxious when talking to someone about fandom things.

I finally got the courage to end it. She didn't like being cut off. I tried to be nice about it and took all the blame on myself for this fandom friendship not working out, but that wasn't enough. I finally had to be forceful (or honest I suppose) and tell her I felt like I was being lied to because what she told me was different than what she was telling other people.

She denied it of course and was very offended.

"May God deal with me as He sees fit if I have intentionally decieved you."

This closed out one of her last FFN messages and always bothered me. Was it purposely worded like that or a Freudian slip? In hindsight, now that she's deleted everything, maybe He did just that.

I found out later that the "repetitive stress injury paired with hypermobility" in her wrists that left her unable to type for a year was not her story. See I have hypermobility in my lower body, really bad in my hips. In talking to her, a lot of what she said didn't make sense and she often wouldn't give direct answers. Later on Reddit she announced that her wrists were suddenly healed, all better now. I had no clue you could be cured of hypermobility (you can't).

When compiling the plagiarism report, I came across the AN on a story written by a close friend of hers (I was blocking all close associates). What was it about? A repetitive stress wrist injury paired with hypermobility. It looked like it went up during the time we were talking.

She told me one thing about why she left her job in the AO3 comments. Then she used my own AN about why I left teaching (internal school politics) to come up with a different reason for leaving education on FFN that honestly made no sense to me but I didn't question her. She then told Reddit something different.

There were other instances where she took someone else's story and claimed it as her own real-life tale. Some of this was public, too. Either she thought no one would pick up on it, or she thought she could say anything she wanted and not be held accountable. I don't know.

Then there was the drive to push me out of the fandom using what weaknesses she knew I had to do it. Looking back, she was very good at it. Too good for it to be the first time she'd done this to someone. She claimed I was the first person since high school she'd had drama with and the first ever online. I highly doubt that now.

I had Cameos from Tony Quinn and had spoken to him in dms. I mentioned these to her, and she insisted on seeing them. I didn't want to share them. They were special to me with a lot of personal things said. But I was selfish by not sharing, right? So, I gave in, edited out the personal stuff, and sent them to her.

Immediately I regretted it.

As soon as she indicated she's seen them, I deleted them. Then she said she hadn't seen part of one and none of the others, could I send again? I ended up making an excuse as to why I couldn't - too much personal info. Truthfully, I had the inexplicable fear she was going to take the videos and claim them as her own.

You see, she didn't care anything about Tony whom I've been a big fan of since 1994 when we first started talking. He was just some old guy to her. Until she found out how much I liked him. Then suddenly she was his biggest fan and just had to meet him because he was so wonderful. They lived in the same state after all. Oh, but don't worry I would get to meet him too someday for sure, she told me... on the other side of heaven. 🙄

When I told my friend about this one, she said to cut contact.

(Ironically, by the time we started talking, Tony had already moved back to my home state, where he and his wife are from. Learned that from his Pod Meets World interview that came out a month after we stopped talking. I cried-laughed the first time I listened to the interview.)

She liked to point out how old I was. I never told her, she did the math and figured it out she said. She was wrong, but it didn't matter. She was aware of personal insecurities and liked to push this one. I told her things I should not have but I was desperate for another friend and I convinced myself that all the warning sirens I was hearing in my head was just anxiety.

Towards the end of our time talking on Discord, she had started the subtle dismantling of my confidence in AiP. I was very aware that my work was outside of the norm for the fandom at the time and was often insecure about it. With little feedback at the time, I didn't know what to do.

It's a trilogy, split it into three parts maybe, so the word count isn't so intimidating?

She told me the story was too long, and even splitting it into three parts wouldn't help- no one reads sequels or will go back to read the first parts. On the other hand, no one would be interested in giving it a chance because of the length. Also, the story wasn't healing- and that is why people read, you know. Her attitude toward Audrey grew chilly and very, "she's an OC, people don't like OC main characters." This was a drastic departure from her comments on AiP.

Then she started bragging about how well her story was doing and all the comments she got. Fans were just begging her for more.

After I cut contact, she blocked me on Reddit and purposely took over the Jon and Jon and Shawn threads so I couldn't participate. This continued until I blocked her. She didn't like having her participation limited.

Blocks on both sides were lifted for awhile. I wish I hadn't lifted mine. But I had been so looking forward to season 2 of PMW and wanted to talk to others about it and Mr. Turner. I thought I could handle dealing with her more out there takes.

During this time, I noticed a sharp drop in interaction on my stories.

Readers not from Reddit or FFN disappeared. I always wondered about the timing. Readers gushed over her, though, and several indicated they were talking to her on Discord, too.

She knew how much fandom connection meant to me and took every opportunity to flaunt hers, whether in her comments or on Reddit. She had a thing for following me around and posting where I did, including on other people stories.

I mentioned this feeling of being left out and wondering if there was a Discord server for BMW I didn't know about. She said there was none she knew of and told me no one wanted to talk about BMW in a discord server anyway. All the people she talked to were uncomfortable with that. They only wanted to talk to her privately.

Turns out that was another lie.

Not only did I find that people wanted a discord server, in a comment thread with her and another reader about wanting to discuss head canon offsite, one of those readers "uncomfortable with discord servers" created one of their own and dropped a link inviting them to it some months before that conversation.

It wasn't the existence of a private server that bothered me so much. If there was, there was. It was the way she told me: everyone wanted her, nobody wanted me.

Had it not been for readers alerting me to the stolen work, I would never have known any of this. I'd still be wondering why the fanfiction side of the fandom wanted little to do with me when I sincerely tried to give back as much as I got and tried to welcome/encourage writers, especially new Jon & Shawn writers.

Then she contacted me on Christmas Eve 2022 on Reddit. After I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with her. As always, I was too nice. I still blamed myself and the anxiety for everything that happened. She offered friendship and apologies and then abruptly ripped the offer away when I expressed having reservations. When I didn't do what she wanted, she got mean.

Admittedly, her hurtful words about having "tons" of fandom friends to talk to when I didn't upset me. Since she liked to talk about God and being a Christian, I shot her some Bible verses about words and told her how cruel she was.

That didn't go over well.

Later I felt bad about it. Maybe I was too harsh, too judgemental, too sensitive. Blaming my anxiety for my reaction, I stupidly reached out on Valentine's Day 2023 to try to make peace with her.

She was even meaner and now saying she was afraid of me. She said I had hurt her so much she couldn't trust me. She admitted that she'd hurt me too but wouldn't say how, just that we kept hurting each other, so she was too scared to talk to me.

What?

I was talking about her, she claimed. And that was too much. She couldn't take the pain and stress of being talked about online. Oh, and her depression was worse and she struggled more, so what I was going through didn't matter.

Did I talk about her online?

In the aftermath of the Discord chats, I was angry she wouldn't leave me alone when asked. I resented her trying to push me out of a fandom I've been in since I was a little kid. I vented my frustration by making a wildest opinion that fans had heard over the years post on Reddit. Mine was that Jon was a coward for letting Shawn go back to Chet. I never named her or how I'd heard this opinion. I didn't think she was even still around the subreddit.

She outed herself.

I think the biggest problem with the post was that no one agreed with her take. I deleted the post not long after it was made and apologized to her for it later, but it wasn't good enough.

The next thing wasn't even about her. I told her that when she contacted me on Reddit. Someone had posted about having to block someone online and why. I responded sympathetically, referencing something that had happened before I met her. She refused to accept that my comment wasn't about her. Of course, I was talking about her, how could I not be?

Everything was about her no matter what the topic was.

But these were the terrible things I did to her that made her afraid of me. She couldn't come up with anything else. Turns out what she was really afraid of was that I would find out what she was doing and what she was telling others.

For 16 months I was so stressed and depressed that I started having panic attacks again. @lizettevanessa and later @mrsmungus virtually held my hand and talked me through these. They spent hours trying to help me calm down and get me to think rationally over that time.

I have type 1 diabetes and stress is a killer for me. Throughout this ordeal, my blood sugar was stuck at over 300 for hours on end and it seemed that no matter how much insulin I used it wasn't enough. And then the bottom would fall out and my blood sugar crashed. It was a never-ending cycle of trying to bring down highs and bring up lows. This led to stomach problems, constant migraines, and eventually hair loss. I had so many nights where I couldn't sleep. I was so depressed I couldn't work out and I couldn't cope with online or rl situations that shouldn't have been a big deal.

It also triggered the ED.

I hadn't had a relapse in years.

Online I was always looking over my shoulder wondering if the people in fandom were being honest with me or if they were pretending to be my friend while reporting back to her. I know for a fact one person in the BMW server was doing this. I know at least a couple of readers/friends were involved and that she created alts impersonating others.

Trying to run an inclusive, welcoming fandom server while trying to protect myself was a nightmare.

I honestly can't put into words how much damage she did. It was only because of my chaos family and sis @mrsmungus that I didn't quit everything. No exaggeration. I came very close several times to deleting over 20 years of work and history because of her.

What I've just told you is a just a part of what I've dealt with since late 2022.

The worst part is I think she'd be pleased to know how effective her tactics were. I don't know what was going on in her life that drove her to do this. I don't know if she is just that jealous, entitled, and petty a person or if she was lashing out because of something done to her and this was the only way she could get revenge- by going after an easy target and inflicting the same hurt she'd suffered.

What did she gain by doing all of this? If if I had left the fandom, what was the end goal? There were/are a lot of Jon and Shawn adoption writers out there. Would she drive them out to so she could be the BNF of BMW?

I've been in online fandom for over 20 years and I've learned that fandom is cyclical. Favorite tropes, characters, etc. change over time, falling out of favor and then becoming popular again. It would be a full-time job plus overtime trying to stay on top.

As for me, all she had to do is admit where her inspiration came, just once, just a note. Instead, she chose to lie, manipulate, and harass me just so she didn't have to admit it.

It's incredibly stupid if you stop to think about it.

But she is gone now and all of that is gone with her.

I don't know what happened that made her nuke everything and I do not care. It doesn't matter.

I used to want that story rewritten or gone. But in all honesty, I am ecstatic to see she's gone.

Good riddance.

Looking back, I get the feeling she is a very privileged person who has been sheltered from having to deal with the consequences of her actions for a long time and not just online.

Going back over all the private correspondences with her, the ones she had a with a mutual reader that were sent to me, and her response to AO3 that was removed by staff, in them is a trend in claiming something awful happened to her making it impossible for anything to be her fault when confronted with something negative. Flu, injury, baby, computer theft, ID theft, etc. There was always an excuse. She was always the victim.

She got away with it until she didn't.

I really do hope she deals with whatever caused her to act this way. It's terrible for those who cross her path who aren't her constant cheerleader, but it's worse for her in the end.

You can't be like that and be happy.

You know what is sad?

She's actually a talented writer. She could have taken that story and really done something special with it. The foundation was there. She could have taken Ashley and made her into a fully developed, living, breathing character who could have shaped her family unit in a way that didn't look anything like mine even if the same basic elements were there. It would have been so easy for her to do. Instead, she picked what she wanted from mine, minced it up, and harassed me over what she was doing.

AO3's verdict on my report, which was still out a year later, no longer matters since she deleted everything.

If by chance Kaylie is reading this or does read this someday, let me be very clear: Do not think I feel sorry for you in any way. Do NOT contact me for any reason, not even to apologize. Do not come at me with new accounts anywhere. I do not care if it's ten years from now. I want nothing to do with you.

Yet out of all this mess, there were some incredible things that came of it. Because of her behavior, it drove me to get involved with fanfiction outside of the fandom and find my online family. If I had the chance to go back in time and avoid her, but it meant not finding my family, I'd decline. Her nonsense was worth finding them.

Because of her, I did become afraid to get involved with fandom people and very nearly missed meeting someone who is very dear to me. @justanotherpersonwhowrites posted her story on FFN and I completely panicked when I saw the description of her OC. Thankfully she posted on Tumblr and AO3 later on as I was finding my family. I reread her story and fell in love with her OC. I got up the courage to reach out and I am so glad I did. She is an amazing person, a talented writer, and an incredible friend.

Also the BMW discord server happened because of Kaylie. I didn't want others to be isolated from the fandom like I was and Reddit is good for some things but not others. Not only is it an archive for the show but a place for fans to find each other. It is also a safe place for fanfiction writers to get together.

So what happens now?

Autumn in Philadelphia will go on, without a doubt. And I will be picking up my other stories that were more lighthearted and fun. I have a series of Jondrey one shots that I really want to do too. A lot fun stuff and art. I'll be more active on here and in the BMW server.

The AN that's on every story will be changed to link to this post.

As for blocks, they will remain for now.

The reason is I've been through too many bouts of silence only for her to resurface. Although she can't return in the same way, I don't know that she doesn't still have former readers acting as her eyes and ears. Eventually all blocks will be lifted except on those I know to be her friends because she named them as such.

I still have the report, the screencaps (soooo many screencaps), all her messages, and a copy of that story. I took screenshots of all the places she used to exist but doesn't anymore because it still doesn't seem real. I thought about purging everything, but they are now a part of AiP's history. Someday I'll get around to building that neocities site as a tribute to the era this all began in and I will include everything: the fantastic, the strange, and the nightmarish.

I want to extend my eternal gratitude to one of my dearest friends, @lizettevanessa, to my sis @mrsmungus, to little sis @justanotherpersonwhowrites, to @lena-hills @kayedium-writes @hylianjo @sliebman10 @axolotlsupremacyowo @udaberriwrites @fattybattysblog @narcissasdaffodil @danceswithdarkspawn and the rest of my Chaos family for your love and support during the past two years. I owe you everything.

And to my readers, who've been with me whether from the beginning or just joined, THANK YOU. I love and appreciate you more than you know.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

-Aria

[newsbrand]

Autumn Lockwood🌹

[pangeen]

" The Halls of the Forest " //© William Smith

[harrisx28]

Fall at Laurel Hill in Philadelphia🍁

[oceangirl24]

Thank you. I am very much looking forward to reading this as soon as I can.

Happy New Year!

Breaking the Fourth Wall – A gift fic in a special format

Fandom: Gravity Falls

Rating: G

Summary: Something sinister lurks for the girls and Pacifica, and Audrey steps up to face the threat.

Dedicated to @mercedesaria, for her love of a 90s-2000s sitcom.

Thanks to @bonpocalypse for giving an initial read and vetting through this story!

Notes: Audrey, who is more on the forefront here, makes her first appearance in Six and Seven, in which she bullied young Nilam until Great Grunkle Ford mediates the situation. Aria wrote a review saying how she was “very partial to that name”, given she writes a series featuring Audrey whom Jonathan (rather reluctantly) takes under his wing as a teacher-student. The two grow closer over time as the events unfold. Truthfully the name was taken from Pau’s next-gen comic which features a similar flashback of Cedric being bullied by a girl of the same name. Nevertheless, I decided to flesh out Audrey more, particularly in Episode IV: Death and the Maiden, and also in this gift fic.

For this work, I took a look over a few episodes of Boy Meets World, which is a sitcom Aria based her fanfiction series Autumn in Philadelphia from, and decided to write this story in a screenplay format. Canned laughter, recorded applause… those are something you can find from a 90s/2000s sitcom, while the sitcoms of the 50s were filmed before a live audience. Other inspirations also include DuckTales 2017 episode Quack Pack (although that's more of an 80s sitcom) and Wandavision.

I had an idea of the four friends doing a social studies project on the 90s/2000s and hence they reenacted a few scenes. The one they are reenacting at the beginning is from Boy Meets World Season 2 Episode 20 Pop Quiz, as the headmaster admonishes the two students for their appalling grades. Something unsettling happens, and it turns out to be a glitchy showman from Zoe’s video app that decides to take control of this show. I debated various ways on how to deal with him before deciding upon a game show. The scene featured at the end is transcribed right from Mercedes Aria’s Autumn in Philadelphia Trilogy – Squirrelly Funerals and Nutty Neighbors.

To Aria, you’re a dear friend, and I’d like to thank you for your incredible support and the valuable feedback you’ve provided on several of my writings. As of late, I had the opportunity to delve into your own stories, which are nothing short of extraordinary especially since I garner deeper insights from watching the show. I love how you integrate your OC into the canon – how Audrey becomes a mother figure for Shawn and is a close partner of Jonathan. It’s a pleasure to have you not only as a writing friend but also as someone whose work I admire wholeheartedly. I look forward to many more exchanges of creativity in the future.

I hope you'll enjoy this gift fic. And Happy New Year!

[davidwallacesgf]

“oh my god, i do not have time for you.”

LMAOOO the lawyer deserves a vacation for having to deal with the gang all the time

[oceangirl24]

Saudade: No Turnin' Back

The partial flashback in this chapter is based on the season four episode "I Never Sang for My Legal Guardian". Dialogue is directly from that episode.

---

Jon didn't look overly happy to see him. "Hey Shawn, I thought you were gonna eat dinner over at the Matthews."

The look on Jon's face told him that whatever Eli was referring to, it wasn't Audrey. He tried not to jump to conclusions about what life-changing event Jon was considering without her. He swallowed back the negative feelings lurking beneath the surface, tucked a stray lock of hair behind his ear and shrugged.

"Yeah, I was but, uh, I'm tired. I wanted to turn in early."

Trying to distract himself from the worst-case scenarios that his mind wanted him to embrace, Shawn glanced down at Jon's attempt that had all been lack-luster since Audrey's departure.

"Chicken A L'Tang." He tried not to grimace at the dish he once thought of as a high-class meal when he first moved in. "What's the special occasion?"

"I gotta date." Jon's smile glitched for a moment as he himself tried not to grimace at both the meal and the reason for it. "But hey, you know, I can easily stretch it three ways."

They stared at each other for a moment as uncomfortable silence swelled around them. She hadn't been mentioned since their last blowup about going to the City in the summer to get her. They had been too busy struggling to get along and live together. Shawn resented everything about the situation, but he resented Jon's attitude and refusal to try to make their family work most. Jon tried to pretend everything was normal and that Audrey never happened, which only infuriated him more.

Shawn resented that he was dating again.

So strong was his resentment that he was ready to go back to Chet and he made sure Jon knew it every chance he got. So he flipped through the mail as though he didn't care what Jon did and held up a handful of letters.

"Hey," his faux smile was much better than Jon's, "I finally got another letter from my dad." There was an ever so slight emphasis on "my dad". He didn't so much so much as look at Jon as he said this. Shawn held the envelope close to his nose as he scrutinized the address.

A silent "you're not  my  dad" hung in the air between them.

Jon faltered for a moment, then recovered enough to ask casually, "Where is he now?"

"He's still at that truck stop in Readin'."A cold bitterness settled over Shawn as he stared at the letter and imagined Chet sitting at the truck stop laughing it up with whoever else was there with not one care in the world.

Disgusted, he tossed the letter in the trash.

"What'd you do that for?" Jon stared at him, completely dumbfounded. He couldn't understand the teen anymore. All day every day he had to hear about Chet and how much Shawn wanted to be with him. Every day he watched Shawn excitedly get the mail hoping for a letter, then make excuses for why Chet hadn't written yet.

Now the letter was finally here, and it went straight into the trash.

"It's fifty miles from here, Jon. I mean the least he could do is come visit me." Shawn struggled to keep a straight face. He was angry and hurt by both Chet and Jon and he didn't know what to do about it.

Jon walked away from building a real family with him and refused to even try to make it work. Chet walked away from the family he had with him and refused to even stop by to say "Hey, kid, how are ya?". Shawn wanted to hate them both, but all he could feel was the familiar numbness of rejection.

Jon saw the look and felt horrible. His conversation with Eli came back to him and although he didn't have quite everything ready he knew Shawn needed some hope even if it wasn't quite in the form he wanted. But doing what Audrey wanted him to do with Shawn was a start.

Right?

"Hey, you know, Shawn, I spoke to an attorney today," he said a little too cheerfully as he walked around the kitchen counter to close the distance between them. "A couple of signatures and I'm your legal guardian."

An  attorney? Not the  family  attorney Jon had been working with for the past few months?

Shawn's eyes narrowed slightly.

"I thought you did that months ago," he said in accusatory tone even though he knew Jon hadn't. That's what the cancelled big celebration at Chubbie's had been for after all. But if Jon wanted to play a game where Audrey didn't exist, he would crush him at it.

The remark caused Jon to falter. Months ago, before Audrey's involvement, Chet had sent him the guardianships papers. Once Audrey became a part of their lives, that solo signing was put on hold. Shawn knew that, so why was he acting like he didn't?

Then he realized they were playing the game again, the one they played since Audrey left. Apparently the game was now constant.

"Well, I got the forms." Jon couldn't look the teen in the eyes. "I just never got around to fillin' them out."

Another lie to rewrite the past year.

Shawn hated the game, and he was beginning to hate his opponent.

Read the Rest:

AO3 FFN Wattpad

[cixrosie]

FLY EAGLES FLYYYYYYYY

GOOOOOOOOO BIRDSSSSSSSSSSDS 🦅

[harrisx28]

Fall in Philadelphia🍁

[phillypeel]

10.19.24, Market Street, 2:27 pm

peel waiting for the bus

[emmathegrosssadhumanbeing]

Walking away from reality 🌞

[prettydaddy-halloween]

[oceangirl24]

Saudade: Losing Audrey Part I

Audrey's removal was temporary...

...He pulled into the driveway and turned off the vehicle but didn't get out of the truck. He felt disconnected from his body and couldn't make any part of himself move.

"Jon?" Shawn put his hand on his shoulder and gave him a shake. "What happened in Feeny's office? Where's Audrey?"

He wasn't prepared to answer these questions. He wasn't prepared to shatter Shawn's hopes for the future.

Jon stared at the windshield and wondered when it started raining.

"Jon. You're freakin' me out. Where's Audrey?"

"Gone." His voice was thick with emotion, and it was hard to get the word out.

"Gone?"

"Feeny knows."

Shawn sat back and frowned as he studied his teacher. "How much does he know?"

"Everything," Jon sighed despondently. "Except that I was gonna propose next month and that we were gonna adopt you."

He tipped his head back over the top of the car seat and stared at the ceiling.

"Hmm," Shawn replied, rubbing a finger over his lips. "So, he doesn't know about Saturday?"

"No."

Shawn nodded, unsurprised. "When is she gettin' back?"

Jon flinched at the question. "She isn't."

..."Man's gotta god complex," Shawn remarked rolling his eyes. He turned sideways to face Jon and rested his arm on the back of the seat. "Who died and made him Audrey's dad? Last time I checked, Pops was still kickin'."

Jon snorted in distaste at Shawn's word choice regarding Richie. "George thinks he knows best."

"Maybe in school stuff." Shawn paused to watch his teacher's pained expression. Jon was taking this incredibly hard. It surprised him when, by Shawn's estimate, it was only a few weeks they'd be without her.

It wasn't ideal but it also wasn't a tragedy.

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Jon's got it so bad for Aud, he thought gleefully.

But his teacher wasn't smiling, so Shawn didn't tease him.

Instead, he said thoughtfully, "The school year's almost over. What's Feeny gonna do if we take off to New York as soon as the last bell rings? Call the cops and report us for intent to form a family?"

"My office now, Mr. Turner. I do not care what you are doing. I do not care what state of dress you are in. My office.  Now."

Jon felt the way Shawn looked: sick and helpless.

"Can I ask what this is about?" he ventured, bracing to be yelled at for insubordination.

"You lied to me, Mr. Turner," he replied with disgust. "You told me there was no romantic relationship between you and Miss Andrews. You have fifteen minutes to get to my office or I will come to you. And you do not want that."

The sound of the receiver dropping roughly into its cradle echoed in Jon's ear as he tried to wrap his head around the unspoken threat in Feeny's words.

"What?" Shawn jumped to his side and grabbed him by the shirt sleeve.

Numbness settled over Jon.

"He knows."

Shawn was positive he could feel Jon's fear and it made him shudder.

"He knows what?"

"Everything."

Read the Rest:

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[secondsofpleasure]

liminal spaces / 10.2023

[davidwallacesgf]

the fact that them putting wine into their veins WASN’T the physical, pain, and endurance test ??? 😭

[sarahcornell]

philadelphia museum of art, october 2022

shot by sarah cornell