#At least in the movie he was supposed to sing and took over the dubbing of the character in the series

[majoresca]

IN THE BRAZILIAN VERSION THEY CHANGED HIS NAME TO "JOSÉ BEZERRA"! Okay, it was regional but I HATED IT!!!

In the Brazilian version, they changed his name from Eugene Fiztherbert to José Bezerra.

Okay, but that was a change to make the name more regional and common.

But the name Eugene has a Brazilian version, Eugênio, which is also very common and regional without changing the the character's name that much.

In fact, his surname Fiztherbert would not be so common in the context of names in Brazil. But the story takes place in a fictional fairy tale world loosely based on Europe, and there have been other situations where the original names were kept in the Brazilian dubbing.

So, it didn't make so much sense to change his name AT ALL.

"Flynn Rider" shut up SHUT UP his name is EUGENE

[365days365movies]

Musical December I: Singin’ in the Rain (1952) - Recap: Part Two

Since this is a movie about ghost singers...

Ghost singers dub the singing voices of the stars of musical films. Essentially, if the actor or actress has a poor voice, or a voice that isn’t quite up-to-par, the ghost singer is hired to dub over their voice with their own rendition of the song. Now, there have been a lot of famous ghost singers, but you may not actually know their names. Historically, they tend to be uncredited in film. Which, yeah, is REAL SHITTY. Thankfully, however, we do know a few of them today.

Arguably one of the most famous is Marni Nixon, the ghost singer for Natalie Wood in West Side Story. Yeah, Wood’s performance wasn’t stellar, apparently, and the film producers didn’t even TELL her that she was going to be dubbed by Nixon. And as a result she recieved...no direct royalties! Instead, she got (and I am not kidding) 0.25% of Leonard Bernstein’s royalties! Fuck off! She literally had to go to court for this, and got royalties from the soundtrack.

And here’s the crazy thing: you’ve also heard her in these roles:

Yeah, uh...holy shit.

And while we’re at it, let’s talk about Betty Noyes. We at least know the roles that Marni Nixon took, but Betty Noyes was so prolific, we actually don’t have a confirmed list off all of her credits! Just fuckin’ suspicions! Now, granted, there are a few roles we know she did dub for. One was in Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, which I might watch this month. Another is...well, we’ll get to that one later. And the other major role?

Yeah, she was Dumbo’s mom!

Noyes was actually nominated for an Oscar for that song, indirectly! Because none of the voice actors in the film were actually credited, Noyes went unknown as the voice actor for this film for far too long. And again, that’s not including the films she dubbed in that we just don’t know about! Man, Hollywood.

These two, of course, are some of many ghost singers in cinema. Betty Wand, Bill Shirley, Bill Lee, Thurl Ravenscroft, and Drew Seeley come to mind. And that last one? Oh, you’re gonna love this.

In the first High School Musical, most of Zac Efron’s lines were ghosted by Drew Seeley. This shit is still happening! Although, to be fair, Efron sung a few lines, and then sang all of his songs for the second and third films. But still, this practice is still in existence! 

And so, with that said, a movie about ghost singers in genuinely an interesting choice for a musical. And that is especially because...well, we’ll get there. We’ll get there. For now, back to the show! 

Check out Part One here!

Recap: Part Two

In order to prepare for being talkie stars, both Lina and Don go to diction coaches. Lina’s lessons go horribly, but Don’s literally ends in another musical number (”Moses Supposes”) with Cosmo. It’s a fun number, but they also ruin this man’s entire office. Jesus, guys, a little respect for the man’s working space.

Filming begins once again, and the director, Roscoe Dexter (Douglas Fowler)  has an actual mental breakdown with the difficult sound setup, and Lina’s complete idiotic inability to adapt. The film comes out, to the great nervousness of all the filmmakers. And unfortunately, Lina’s horrible voice, and the equally terrible sound recording quality makes the audience (and me) crack up with laughter. There’s a lot that happens, but it’s pretty clearly going to be a horrible movie.

As the audience leaves, laughing and mocking the film, the stars (save Lina) realize that they’re completely fucked. In a dinner with Cosmo and Cathy, Lockwood laments his position. He also realizes that he’s not a good talkie actor, as he’s used to acting without sound. But the two friends pick him up and joke about going back into vaudeville.

But that gives Cathy an idea: why not turn the film (called The Dueling Cavalier) into a musical film! They have six weeks, making it a possibility. Excited, they talk into the morning, then sing a song about it (“Good Morning”, from Babes in Arms). And I love this song, but the entire time…all I could think about was the fact that Debbie Reynolds’ dress is the same as Quicksilver’s Silver Age costume. Seriously.

New head canon: Quicksilver is a BIG musical guy.

Anyway, after the song is concluded, the group realize that the issue with their plan is Lina’s voice. Cosmo has the brilliant idea to have Cathy dub over Lina’s voice in the final cut. Which is ironic because…well, more on that later. Anyway, it’s late. The party disbands, and Don brings Cathy home under the pouring rain. And well…you know.

Yeah, this number (“Singin’ in the Rain”, from The Hollywood Revue of 1929), is arguably...what, did I just type “from The Hollywood Revue of 1929″? IT’S NOT AN ORIGINAL NUMBER?!? Wait, the namesake of this movie, the headliner song, the MOST FAMOUS NUMBER IN FILM HISTORY...is from a different musical? I...actually, you know what? Who cares?

Because this number is still arguably the most famous in musical cinema, as well as being beautifully done. Gene Kelly is the master of his craft, and he’s showing off in this number for sure. It’s just a happy and joyous number. And, again, if you’ve seen this movie and never done any of this dance in the rain, I feel sorry for you. You need to inject more joy into your life! Dance in a puddle, swing on a lamppost, trail and umbrella, confuse a policeman patrolling the street in the middle of the night! SOMETHING! It’s pure unadulterated joy in the form of song-and-dance, and I love it.

The next morning, the boys present the idea to Simpson, and he loves it. They rename the film The Dancing Cavalier, and Cosmo’s genuinely great film instincts allow the flawless reworking of the entire picture. Songs are written, Cathy gets to dubbing it, and Lena sings the original song. Horribly. And this is where the ironic part comes in.

See, the song being sung, “Would You”, features Cathy singing over Lina’s track. Thing is, though (and many of you reading probably knew this), Debbie Reynolds is NOT singing this song. Yeah, it’s actually Betty Noyes, a very famous dubbing voice actor for musicals from this time period. Meaning, yes, Betty Noyes is dubbing Debbie Reynolds, whose character is dubbing another character. Ironic.

The plan goes off without a hitch, and Simpson is pleased. One more sequence is plotted out for the film. It’s a song called “Broadway Melody” (from various films), and takes place in the beginning of the hypothetical film. And it’s a ridiculously bombastic number. I love it. Holy shit, I love this movie. Seriously, there is nothing about this movie I dislike so far. This is absolutely lovely.

Those feelings are exemplified by this number, which serves as an interlude of sorts. It is LONG, and it concludes with a beautiful dance. The dress worn by the female dancer contains a flowing train, and off-screen fans make it seem ethereal. It’s genuinely a spectacular piece of art, and it's all about our musical’s main character falling in love with a woman (Cyd Charisse) at a casino, only to find that she’s taken. Instead, a coat and hat girl brings him his things, and he leaves the casino distraught. And this, remember, is meant to be the opening to the musical-in-a-musical. It’s a bit long and confusing…but it’s also spectacular. Like a little splash of Jean Cocteau’s Orpheus. Stellar.

But the whole thing is quickly ruined by, who else, Lina. After finding out that Cathy’s acting as her voice, she flies into a rage, and plots to get Cathy’s name besmirched. She goes around the studio entirely, and sends out an exclusive story to every paper in town. The stories claim that she’s a big musical star, making it a massive problem for the studio to give the credit to Cathy, as planned. Due to her contract, she is in control of her publicity, not the studio. She also makes it so that Cathy’s only future job is as a dubbing artist for Lina.

Fuck Lina, by the way; she’s a piece of shit.

The premiere happens, and the plan goes off without a hitch. The sound is fixed, the songs are great, and Cathy’s voice is beautiful. However, her credits are taken off of the film entirely, leaving her completely screwed. Because, again, fuck Lina. Said asshole gloats backstage as the crowd cheers. As the rest of them battle with the prima donna, she decides to go out and give a speech. Knowing that the situation will backfire on her, they let her do it.

And IMMEDIATELY, upon hearing her real voice, the audience assumes that she’s doing a voice and asks her to sing for them. Seeing an opportunity, Don, Cosmo and Simpson plot as Lina panics. They tell her to go and sing, while Cathy dubs for her backstage. Don insists on it, enraging Cathy. She agrees to do it, though, and has Lina sing “Singin’ in the Rain” while she sings behind the curtains. And then…

Sweet, hilarious karma.

The gambit’s up, especially when Cosmo steps in for Cathy. Lina runs off stage as the crowd laughs uproariously, while a shocked Cathy runs off stage. Don shouts into the audience, telling them to stop her! He gives her due credit as the voice they heard singing in the film, and she looks back at him with tears in her eyes. He serenades her, and they join in a duet on stage (“You Are My Lucky Star”, from The Broadway Melody).

...100%. Not kidding. See you in the Review.

[yandere-sins]

A Father’s Care

Part 1 [ - Part 2  -  Part 3]

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Rating: Explicit Characters: Fem!Reader, Endeavor / Enji Todoroki, The rest of the Todoroki-Family, minus Rei Word-Count: 5015

Warnings: Dub-Con, Actions that could be seen as Cheating, Molesting, Lemon, Violence against the Reader

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-«« 

a/n: Okay, I didn’t think this idea would get so out of hand but it ended up being way to many pages so I had to split it in two. Here’s part one and I just... ah, what did I do... Please, read with caution. (Especially part two, this one is still quite harmless...) However! It’s my Christmas present for you guys, so I hope you still can enjoy... it... to some degree, let me know what you think!

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

The holiday season was a joy for you. You could not remember a time you didn't like it, even with the hassle and bustle that came with the years that you grew up. Still, you always looked fondly upon the days, planning gifts and presents for your loved ones, wrapping them up nicely, and eventually giving them to your family and friends. Seeing their faces light up and maybe a tear or two when they remembered how much they wanted this or that - what else was there to make your heart swell and generate a little bit of peacefulness in your life?

You loved all the lights and twinkles around your home and the city. To decorate and make everything festive, only to sit back relax with hot cocoa and some Christmas movies, what better way to spend your free time could there be? Some people might be miffed about all the jingles and colors, but for you, the streets never looked better, never shone brighter, and were never more heartfelt than in these few Christmas days.

There had been so many Christmas parties in your life, before Christmas, and the days afterwards. Days, where everyone had been merry and joyful, laughing and singing together. It had never mattered to you what you did on these days. Karaoke, hot pot, going to a fair - everything had always been a joy. And once it was over? You looked forward to the next year. Each year the same, and yet you never got tired of it, no matter how repetitive it was.

But this year, this year would certainly not be repetitive.

This was the first year with Shoto. Gripping his hand a little tighter, you felt him squeeze back through the mittens, your head turning towards him, a bright smile on your lips. "I can't wait to celebrate with your family," you revealed, the excitement vibrating in your voice. And it was true, even with all the tension in your husband's family, you could NOT wait for your first Christmas together. It was a family celebration after all, and it would be the first you two had as husband and wife.

The wedding had only been recent, winter-themed, which was very fitting for you and him as you thought. He was partly your ice-prince after all, even if you did not just marry him for his quirk, and certainly, he did not marry you for yours either. It was way to minor anyway, probably not transferring into a child should you two ever have one. And yes, you were planning on one, maybe even… as a little Christmas wonder.

"Don't get your expectations up, I suppose it will be very mediocre," he stated nonchalantly, pulling the scarf around him a little tighter. "You know my family."

His last words were spoken in a half-amused, half-apologetic smile, and you immediately cupped his cheek, brushing your thumb over the cold skin of his. "Shoto, it will be amazing. Simply because you will be there and your siblings. We will have tons of fun and eat tons of gingerbread, it will be good."

Nodding hesitantly, he took your hand from his face, kissing your knuckles. "I hope so. I want you to have a good Christmas, [Name]."

"It'll be the BEST Christmas," you chuckled, leaning forward to kiss him. Him and hopefully his worries away.

Everything was splendid. You two were greeted warmly by Fuyumi, and even Natsuo showed up briefly for a welcome, before disappearing again. Shrugging, all of you decided to have tea, you, and Fuyumi instantly falling into chatter about how you wanted to decorate the rooms for your Christmas party and what you should cook. Shoto kept mostly quiet while you two brainstormed ideas as if there was no morning, though you always felt his reassuring touch on your back while you noticed him look around quite a few times.

"Is something wrong?" you whispered to him as Fuyumi went to get more tea water, and he sighed shortly before shaking his head, his attention shifting from you to Fuyumi, calling out to her. "Is father not here yet?" Shoto asked, and you felt the heavy tension that immediately fell over the room as the topic of the head of the family was brought up.

"Oh, well, no, he is. But he went out to find a photographer…" Shoto's sister explained, refilling the teacups thoughtfully. "A photographer?" Shoto asked, brows furrowing as the questions arose in his mind. Setting down the cups on the table again, you thanked her for the effort before she tried to explain what she knew, still somewhat vague on the topic herself.

"Yes… I think he saw it on TV that families take pictures of themselves on Christmas for postcards or something. He thought it would be a nice idea now that you and [Name]-" she made a short break to smile at you warmly, making you feel very welcome "-are married and over for Christmas. A memory, so to say."

Smiling back at her, you welcomed the idea as you found it to be quite cute. You knew not everything was okay and dandy, but you appreciated the effort Enji Todoroki tried to put into this. Shoto must have told him on some point that Christmas was your favorite holiday, and you could imagine it was because you were in the family now, that he was trying to make an effort. "That sounds like fun!" you chimed, and Fuyumi had a moment of hesitation before she grinned and nodded, agreeing with you.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see the frown on Shoto's face, but you only brushed over his arm, holding his hand, silently trying to calm him at least a little. It was still tough for him to have a good opinion on his old man, but when he sighed quietly, you knew he was trying - for you.

Admittedly, you had never lived in such a big, fancy house before. Part of you had worried it would look weird to decorate a traditional, japanese home like this, but all the more positively surprised were you that it looked quite so splendid. "[Name]-chan, should we go inside again?" Fuyumi asked, rubbing her hands together. Both of you had been outside decorating for a while now, and your breaths were visible as much as the shivers in your bones.

"Yeah, I think we're done! Sorry, I went a little overboard," you laughed it off, quickly making your way back inside into the warmth. Discarding of your outdoor clothes and shoes, you slipped into your own slippers before marching deeper inside the building with Fuyumi, you two giggling as you passed all the cheesy decoration you had put up. It had taken you the whole day, but even the inside of the house was now decorated in candles and lights, colorful bulbs, and even reindeer statues in the hallways. Everything seemed splendidly like Christmas, and you wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

You found your husband in the living room, together with his brother, under the kotatsu, watching some news program on the television. They both looked up when you entered, Shoto lifting the blanket on his lap to let you crawl into the heated table with him, your body quickly sticking up to his warm side and driving your fingers over his soft pullover. "Done already?" he asked, pulling you closer to him, and you shivered as the warmth enveloped you.

"Yes!" Fuyumi chirped, having brought some new tea for all of you and handing it out to everyone. "How do you like the decorations, Natsuo?" she asked, giving her brother a poke with her foot until he sat up to participate in the conversation. "They're flashy," he grumbled, having a sip from his tea, appreciating the aroma of it for a second before adding, "But otherwise it's quite different from usual."

"That's not bad, right?" you asked carefully, gripping into Shoto's pullover a little tighter. It was a dangerous question, really, something that could turn the mood sour in a matter of a thought. But surprisingly, Natuso smiled, shaking his head. "No, it's actually quite ni-"

"HOME!" it echoed through the halls, a booming, irritating sound. Followed by loud footsteps, you noticed how all the siblings tensed up, especially Shoto, who you leaned against. Out of respect, you sat up, hoping to not look too casually next to him as you felt his fingers this time grip into your side, almost painfully so. Natsuo's relaxed, happy expression faded from his face, a big, serious scowl coming up instead, while Fuyumi tried to keep calm, a wry smile on her lips as she let out nervous giggles.

You could hear some grumbling from outside as the footsteps approached, but it was hard to make out the actual words to the voice. All you could do was hope that it wasn't complains about the decorations when one moment to the other, the sliding door flew open, Enji's bulky figure appearing in the frame. "There you are," he grunted, letting his eyes sway from person to person. Eventually, his view got stuck on you as he noted, "Oh, Shoto, [Name]. You're already here, way earlier than expected."

No one at the table dared to say a word, while Enji's where more of a fact than really a question. So as the uncomfortableness spread, you decided you would be the one to speak up, putting on your best smile before facing him. "Oh, yeah. We actually wanted to come early and help with the preparations… and decorations," you laughed, and he nodded in understanding.

Honestly, you two had never talked much before, you had barely met him before your wedding too, so it was awkward enough talking to him, if not for the three sullen children with you at the table. "Oh… yeah, the decoration. They are…" he took a moment to look back over his shoulder into the hallway, giving it a proper inspection once more. "... quite delightful."

At that, you could barely hold your pride, giving Fuyumi a short, triumphant glance. You two had made it, you actually had decorated the house in a way the great Endeavor would approve of. She looked at you with the same happiness, and you two grinning idiots turned your attention back to Enji as he finally entered the room. Natsuo looked like he was about to jump up and run, but all of you kept your composure as Enji sat down at the table, receiving a cup of tea from Fuyumi too.

"How was it at the photographer, Dad?" she asked, and he grunted instead of a thanks as she gave him the tea, sipping on it. "He's booked for tomorrow morning, everyone should be ready by then."

A wave of agreement went through everyone in the room. However, Natsuo was the first one to break out of the family gathering after receiving the information he needed. "I got to finish up some work on my laptop. I'll go ahead first." For a second, Fuyumi tried to hold him back before releasing him, a wave of good night's falling from everyone's mouth. "We are quite tired too," Shoto noted, brushing off the warming blanket from his legs in an attempt to leave too. "[Name] did a lot of decorating, and we need to settle in."

Giving Fuyumi an apologizing look, she waved you two off, even though you felt bad for leaving her with her dad. Then again, from everyone, she had the probably best relationship with him. "You two do that," Enji mumbled, continuing sipping on his tea. "See you tomorrow then," you chuckled, trying to sound rather joyful still as Shoto led you out of the room by hand, closing the door behind you.

"Are you sure, Fuyumi will be okay?"

"She'll manage," he sighed, feeling the same kind of burden you had felt over leaving her behind.

But what you two did not notice anymore, was the look Enji sent after you two while Fuyumi told him about the decorating process and peeled some tangerines. The way he looked at you was like he seemed to know something you had yet to think about, his glare hotter than anything Shoto could produce. You were to find out soon just how different families were, even when they were celebrating something so lovely as Christmas.

"NATSUO!" it boomed through the hallways as Endeavor called for his son, who was the last one to come down from his room. The photographer, you, and Fuyumi shared empathetic glances over the loudness that shook even through bones, your sister-in-law returning your meek smile apologetic.

"It's fine! I am here!" Natsuo complained as he sprinted down the stairs, binding his tie as he walked. All of you looked formidable. Together with you, Fuyumi had rearranged some decorations to the background of your photograph, and every one of you had suited up to fit the celebration, no matter how heavy the air laid over all of you. The photographer was a sweet, older man who seemed to not be too bothered with your father-in-law's sternness, smiling at him whenever they talked even.

To you, all of this seemed reasonably normal and like a sweet family-thing to do.

But what you had gathered from Shoto last night, he seemed to view it differently, even upset his father would do something like that. Natsuo, too, didn't look too happy, deep bags under his eyes, and his jaw clenched. Fuyumi did her best to hide it, but even on her shoulders, you could see the tension, and beside you, only Enji seemed to be in a fairly good mood.

Adjusting the chair he was supposed to sit on carefully, he looked over his assembled children. Natsuo clicked with his tongue, and Shoto simply looking away as you tried to smile back at him. The photographer took his place behind the set up camera while Enji sat down. He was simply too tall to be in the photograph with all of you otherwise, and all of you squeezed together beside him, two on each side. You were sure, it would look like a great photo nonetheless.

"Ah," the old man exclaimed calmly, though you could see him pucker his mouth behind the camera in thought. "Young Lady…" he mumbled, looking up to make some eye connection with you. "Oh- Yes?" you quickly replied, feeling how the people beside you went from tense to impatient in a matter of seconds.

"You are out of the frame I am afraid… Now where to put you…" he explained, and you gulped, feeling like a burden, especially to Natsuo, who sighed heavily as the photographer thought.

"[Name]," a deep voice said calmly, and you turned to Enji, feeling Shoto's hand that he had on your back, push more into your body reassuringly. "Come sit here," he instructed, patting his leg.

If you had not known it better, you would have described it as hell freezing over. You didn't see any ice crystals coming from Shoto, but you felt the temperature drop quite a few degrees around you as the offer went through to you. "O-Oh, Dad! Maybe I should-" Fuyumi tried to save the situation, but she was quickly interrupted by her father.

"No. This way Shoto can be by her side still, and we will have the numbers even on the photo. Come on."

He patted his leg again - strictly and without a chance of refusal - and all of you siblings shared a surprised and shocked moment of quietly looking to each other. Even Natsuo seemed to have very mixed feelings clearly written in his face. But you gave yourself a push, deciding you would not be the one to ruin the family's Christmas by any means. He was sort of your father, after all, there was nothing weird about sitting on his lap - right?

Pushing the skirt of your dress down, you stepped inside his spread legs, seating yourself very far out on his knee and holding yourself as best as you could so you wouldn't weigh down on him. It was a surprisingly comfortable seat his leg spacious to sit on, even when the situation still seemed strange in your mind. Shoto's hand wandered from your back to your hand farthest from Endeavor, holding it tightly in his. His skin was ice cold, which was nothing new, but you seemed to notice it more now that there was quite such an awkwardness in the air.

When you thought you had settled quite nicely, you looked up again, nodding to the photographer who proceeded to get back to his camera. However, before even the first shot could be made, a large hand came around your hip, roughly yanking you towards your father-in-law. You took it in the best way you could, holding back a squeal. But reflexively, you had reached up your hand to support you, feeling a warm body under the tight dress shirt Enji was wearing. His muscles had never been so prominent to you than in that moment, but you snapped out of it immediately as you felt Shoto's hand restricting around yours tightly.

"Father-" he started, sounding like he was spitting poison rather than talking.

"No reason to be shy. We are family, right?"

With an open mouth, you started to nod, using your hand to pat Shoto's calmingly, shrugging it off to keep the situation calm. "It's fine, it's fine. Was just a surprise!"

He looked at you for a few, meaningful seconds before you could see him relax a little, stepping back and nodding. The photographer went back to his preparations as everyone settled in their position again. Even though you too put on your best smile, your thoughts were rampaging in your mind as you felt Enji's hand not budging from your hips.

While you had always admired Shoto's delicateness, this was so different that you could not help yourself but notice. Even with just one hand, you felt secured in his grip, even ignoring the lingering feeling of his palm against your buttcheek, sometimes massaging a little into your flesh. And though only your shoulder was leaned against him, there was an energetic drumming of a heartbeat running through you. A heartbeat so differently, so wild and overwhelming, it was nothing you had every synched yours too before. It was almost threatening to you and yet, thrilling. Like watching a very good movie, it was hard to focus on anything else.

"Everyone say 'Cheese'!" the photographer instructed, and you momentarily snapped out of your entrancement, blinking and grinning like the Christmas-enthusiastic-idiot you were. The camera shut once, everyone blinking a sigh of relieve. "Halt!" it boomed from the head of the family as you started to sway while Enji adjusted, sitting even more towards you and pressed up to you now. "I would like a few pictures so I can choose properly," he explained calmly, and the photographer smiled at him while you heard Natsuo sigh deeply.

Getting yourself ready again, you very faintly noticed Endeavor's free hand coming down to your knee, the other one still around your body to keep you in place. You fretted not having worn tights that day, but his hand rested calmly over your leg while you wondered if he could feel any stubble from shaving the day before. In fact, it laid warm and heavy on your limb, restricting your movements further and making you slightly turn away from your husband for the sake of accommodating the hand.

That one… was big too. It felt scruff against your skin, but its fingers wrapped nicely around your leg. Only now, you also realized you sat so close, Enji's head was right above yours. You were totally and fully enveloped by him, and you instinctively shifted a little more in his hold until a sudden, small groan caught your intentions. Apologetic, you looked up, ready to apologize for fidgeting so much when you met his sharp blue eyes, which looked down at you in a way you could not quite understand, other than it made you freeze.

Smiling weakly, you turned your attention forward again as best as you could, clearing your throat quietly as to not pull any attention and sat up straight. The pressure on your leg grew as the camera shutter did a few more takes, your legs slowly but surely and unwillingly spreading apart until there was no more room to go. Enji's hand was overtaking most of your lap as he slid it up further. Like you were sitting on his, so he was touching yours.

Until you felt it clearly against your leg.

A resistance.

In between the takes, you took one second to look down, seeing your knee was as far up as his crotch, pushing into it already and held there in position by your father-in-law. There was a creeping feeling on the lower side of your inner thigh as Enji noticed your concern for the position, fingers crawling upwards, soon covered by your skirt.

Nervously, you started to stir in his hold, but what you had previously admired, was now what kept you from going anywhere. 'Oh god,' you thought, biting your lips as the need to just jump up and back into Shoto's arms arose. This was your own family, but surely… to anyone, your position would seem wrong. Latest when you suddenly felt something throb against your leg was when you were ready to bail.

You spared one more glance into the direction of the throbbing. It was like the worst nightmare come true as you could see - even through the black dress pants - a bulge grow beneath the fabric. Every time Enji so much but took a deep breath, it pressed up to you, rubbed against your skin. You were no child, and neither was Endeavor, so you knew what that was, but when you looked up, his eyes were straight ahead, in all seriousness.

Taking a deep, quiet breath, you looked ahead again, too, trying to smile once more. If… he didn't notice, maybe it was all a misunderstanding? Perhaps you were just overreacting and daring to destroy a perfectly lovely family gathering because you were overthinking? So you got a grip on yourself, telling yourself to stop being an idiot and tried to ignore it.

The camera seemed to never stop as you kept your thoughts on positive things. Shoto, the decorations, Christmas! Right, you would not be the one to ruin everyone's holidays because of that little bit of inconvenience from you. Even when his hand crawled a little further up under your skirt, you still ignored it, gulped, and continued to smile. You even ignored the tip of his pointer finger against your sex, poking at it carefully while you tensed. His hand on your hip tensed too, pulling you closer and keeping you immobilized as if he was afraid of you jumping up and go.

The only thing you heard after a while was a grumbling in his throat next to you, resembling a chuckle before he pulled at your leg, pushing it even deeper in his own crotch region. By now, the bulge wasn't just big, it was enormous, fabric spreading all around your leg while you felt the hard inside rub against it. At the same time, he used his finger to swipe over your panties, hitting places he wasn't supposed to, causing you to let out a high-pitched squeal with your closed mouth, clutching Shoto's hand tightly out of reflex.

And then it was all over.

As if nothing had ever happened.

The pulling and squeezing up to his body vanished, and you were let go from his hold. No fingers or fabric against your leg and the camera slowly stopping taking more pictures while the siblings breathed a sigh of relieve. "Alright, folks. I think that's it!" the photographer laughed heartily, and you almost desperately jumped up from Enji's lap, stumbling back to Shoto's side, who gave you a questioning look. Surely, he had noticed the squeeze of your hand before, and your cheeks were colored oddly for a photo shoot after all.

Releasing your lip from your bite, you smiled at him reassuringly, hugging his arm and giving his cheek a kiss. As if you needed to reassure him when in reality, you were reassuring yourself. Even now, you still didn't want to believe what had happened, but it burned into your mind. Though you tried finding reasons such as age and just coincidence, you were still not convinced about Endeavor's real intentions, and you smiled sheepishly at him as he stood up and gave you a spare sideglance. One that, much to your own dismay, made your blood boil.

"I think I need a nap," you conveyed to Shoto, and you gained a confused look form him as he asked if you were okay. It was still early, after all. "Yeah, just… a little weird."

Looking back at your father-in-law, you saw him discuss the further production of the pictures with the old man, Fuyumi eagerly at his side, hoping to see some of them. "Well, that was strange," Natsuo mumbled as he passed you two, sneaking out of the room before any other 'stupid' ideas he would have to be involved in could rise. Nodding to yourself, you agreed with him, ready to leave too. With how complicated you were feeling, you wanted nothing more than go and rest for a while, sorting this mess out.

"Well, if you will excuse me…" the old man mumbled, grabbing his suitcases with the camera and bowing lightly to you. Fuyumi led him outside, and you and Shoto followed to see him off. Behind you, you were terribly aware of Endeavor's presence, and you let go of Shoto so you two could hold up with his chipper sister.

However, the moment Shoto was out of the door, you felt a yank at your shoulder, a familiar, big hand holding you back. "I have some decorations stored in my room. You should come and get them," Enji grumbled from behind you, sounding more like an instruction than a piece of helpful information. "O-Oh, I will do that later, Sir," you mumbled, smiling awkwardly back over your shoulder and meeting his sharp gaze.

"Don't take too much time," he grunted and passed you by. "Y-Yes…" you whispered, feeling incredible meek all of a sudden. His hand left your shoulder, and all of a sudden, you felt freezing without his body heat close to you. As if someone had just robbed you of your own warmth, and also clear thinking, you found yourself seeking the warmth.

Hugging yourself, you took a few deep breaths, feeling the pressure of having to go after Shoto or else he'd be worried, but barely able to walk. And then, you realized something that gave you a slap of shame over your head. You couldn't be surprised, but you felt the wet fabric between your legs, your head giving you short memories of the feeling of Enji's big fingers rubbing and poking right there. His heartbeat was like a metronome in your head, pounding and pounding in your ears, and you wondered if your heart ever could feel like that. You could imagine it clearly still, and it worried you immensely that you could not help but think about that huge, immense bulge against your knee. Even wonder about what was beneath these black dress pants.

Feeling your own body heat return to you, especially in your cheeks and ears, you quickly banished the thoughts, reminding yourself of exactly what you were thinking about. Of course, sometimes, these kinds of thoughts would come up when faced with something very different you were used to. It calmed you as you reminded yourself that you had surely wondered before what other celebrities were packing, it was… instinctual. Yes, instinctual.

"[Name]? Are you okay?" your lover's voice rang out to you, Shoto's frame appearing in the doorway. Immediately, your heart jumped in joy of seeing him, and you were relieved of the change of mind it gave you. You loved him so much. And you loved Christmas! To be together with him was all you wanted, and no little incident - no matter how weird and awkward it was - could stop that. "I'm fine!" you assured, jumping to his side and kissing him.

"I love you so much," you muttered to him, and his forehead wrinkled for a second over the spontaneous confession before his lips quirked upwards into a smile.

"I love you too."

You shared another, long, passionate kiss with him, sinking in his arms that he wrapped around you, knowing this was right where you belonged. This was what made you happy and thankful, and you were eager to show just how amazing Shoto could make you feel. A chuckle was enough to signal him just what you wanted, his body pressing up to yours quickly before he took you by the hand.

No one said anything when you two excused yourselves for a few hours to take a nap. However, you felt Enji's eyes drill into you while you, Shoto, and Fuyumi were conversating about the times you would be eating and needed to be up again to help. With a wave, you two said your farewells, for the time being, shutting the door behind you as you left the living room. It was a freeing feeling of the two orbs that seemed to not have let go of you as you were still in Endeavor's sight, uncomfortable and nerve-wracking for you. But you forced yourself to think about nicer things, like your husband at your side. And as he wrapped an arm around you, you leaned against his shoulder, you sighed blissfully.

Only for a moment, you couldn't help but notice the feeling of something missing. But how could you have ignored it?

Shoto's hand was just so much smaller than his.

[captaincoffeegirl515]

I just saw the live-action Mulan movie, and in short, it sucked.

It’s not worth the money! Not worth the 37 dollars you’ll need to pay so that you can merely rent the movie. Don’t worry, I pirated it. I didn’t give Disney any money, and I’m writing this so you won’t have to as well.

To think, my mom was so excited about this film especially since we are Chinese and the animated Mulan film was one of her favourite Disney films. But throughout the film, we were disappointed again and again.

First of all, the directing, camera work, pacing, and editing was terrible. The pacing of the movie was all over the place. The fight scenes especially, were so erratic and badly put together. Either they’d have the scene move at a normal pace but would cut and change to a new angle or perspective multiple times until you can barely tell if there were any hits or what they were doing. Or they would do slow-mo and do a zoom-in on Mulan’s blank, stiff face.

They had Donnie Yen, a famous martial artist and actor, doing some incredible swordsmanship and martial arts in front of the soldiers but then they ruined it by constantly cutting away from him to some random blank-faced soldier. What wasted potential!

Did I mention the blank faces. Everyone looked so stiff during the movie, barely any proper acting done. This was especially obvious with the Witch, whose face barely seems to move. The most emotional I saw her was when she had teary eyes, but still, the rest of her face stayed smooth.

My biggest problem lay with the fact that they took the sexism of the animated Mulan movie and managed to crank it up to a thousand. The whole concept of chi/qi was wrong. For starters, real chi lies in everyone, and it does not give you superpowers or suddenly makes you a good fighter. But in the movie, apparently only men can use chi and gain superpowers, and that if a woman somehow had chi then she’s a witch and must be outcast or killed. And it made it seem like the only reason Mulan could keep up with the men or be better than them was because she had these superpowers. I honestly have no words to express my anger and disappointment at this.

I understand they removed Mushu in the live action since it was offensive to Chinese mythology. But replacing it with a phoenix based on Greek mythology?? That made no sense. And not only that, the CGI was terrible. Not only did it look obviously fake, my siblings and I all felt like the phoenix was made of paper. One of them joked that it was a kite. The coloring also reminded me of the bird in Wings of Time that I saw in Sentosa Singapore.

Btw, Chinese don’t have any concept of witches or witch hunts. Lord knows why Disney tried to put more Western concepts when they wanted to make an Asian movie.

Moving on to the characters and their chemistry. In short, there was none. Little to none actually. I don’t understand why Honghui was supposed to be her love interest. No chemistry and barely any meaningful interactions. They met with him insulting her and continuing to insult her throughout most of their scenes. The “love interest” also spent a lot of his time staring at Mulan like one of those creepy perverts that you try your best to ignore. Is this really the kind of lesson you want to teach kids?

And Ling? Yao? Chien-po? What happened to them? Their names were barely mentioned and their characterizations were so one-dimensional. There were not enough scenes building them up as proper characters, which made them easily forgettable. Because of this, we also had trouble telling all of the soldiers apart, and this includes Honghui and Cricket. Cricket was initially mistaken as Chien-po. There was even less time emphasizing their friendship with Mulan. I also didn’t understand why the need to add Cricket in the movie as another soldier. Disney still didn’t give him any proper growth or arc beyond that one shining moment with the arrow. I also didn’t understand why he suddenly decided to play dead at the end of the corridor fight. Another “dramatic moment” that fell flat.

Where do I begin with the Witch? Shan Yu was an incredible bad guy already. Why did they try to make his falcon human and have her as a witch? For the most part, it seemed like she was just there to drive down the movie’s point that women should be subjugated. She had the power to kill Bori Khan easily, but… chose not to because she thought he would help make her not an outcast?? And even when she changed sides, instead of idk killing Bori Khan when he tried to shoot Mulan, she just… flew… in front of… the arrow… and died. Wow.

What was Bori Khan’s revenge supposed to be anyways? For the most part, it looked like he was trying to slow-cook the Emperor. Like what was up with the random forges and the 2 inch pool of lava?? Were forges back then even hot enough to make lava and have it stay red hot the whole time even when it was in that pool?? Also, swords do NOT melt that fast.

Also, the part where Bori Khan was talking to the captured Emperor was so unintentionally funny. Like at the end of every sentence he would just suddenly make sparks with his weapon at the Emperor’s face. If it was a one-time thing, it would have been fine. But he just… kept… doing it. And with every strike I just started laughing more and more.

The Emperor was… something. Of course he was probably one of the men who has chi powers judging by his sleeve attacks. Honestly, that part felt so random, my siblings and I were all laughing and going “what??”. His voice was so clearly dubbed in, and badly done. He also seemed to have been given the clunkiest dialogue in the movie. I also miss the scene in the animated movie where Shan Yu tells the Emperor to bow down to him and the Emperor replies, “No matter how strong the wind blows, the mountain cannot bow down to it.” because that line was awesome.

The sister’s character was also completely unnecessary. According to Disney, she’s to showcase Mulan’s devotion to her family and give her more motivation to do what she does. But?? She took her father's place in the war to protect him?? Wasn’t the whole point of her story is her pretending to be a man to protect her father from certain death?? Is that not already a huge motivational factor and shows her devotion to her family??

Does anyone else also find it weird that when Mulan was in the army, everyone referred to her by her full name? Like everyone had their first names and were called that, but for Mulan it was always Hua Jun? Btw for those not aware, with Chinese names, the surname is at the beginning. Hua is Mulan’s surname. So shouldn’t they be calling her simply as Jun??

Moving on, I have to bring attention to several of the changes in the movie. It’s like they cut out all the scenes that gave the movie an emotional impact and replaced it with bland scenes that didn’t add to the story at all. Her decision to take her father’s place in the war and steal his armor was replaced with some weird thing about her getting lost and the phoenix having to bail her out.

The incredible moment when Mulan gets the arrow from the top of the post was replaced by bringing two buckets to the top of the mountain. Anyone who is strong and determined enough would have been able to do that. With the arrow, she needed to think and strategize, using the weights to help carry her up. With the buckets, she just used her chi superpowers.

The drama and shock as the happily-singing soldiers come upon the destroyed village becomes a drawn-out traveling scene that has the General asking Mulan to marry his daughter, and then cuts to the army at the village.

The scene where it looked like Shang was going to kill Mulan but then he spares her because she saved his life is gone completely since they decided to split Shang into two characters instead. Even Mulan’s line where she says, “You believe Ping, why not Mulan?” was given to Honghui instead, robbing Mulan of her moment.

Honestly, there was no need for the Witch and her fight scene with Mulan, but apparently in the movie, chi is weakened by dishonesty. It’s weird that the Witch is even telling her that since they’re supposedly enemies, and telling her about the dishonesty will make Mulan stronger.

Another thing is Disney’s weirdly intense focus on arranged marriages and matchmaking, with multiple characters mentioning whether or not they are matched or asking others if they are. Even at the end, the sister goes “oh I am matched”. I didn’t see the point of having that in the movie.

I almost forgot about the trebuchet/catapult! The Rourans are supposed to be a Nomadic people. Where are they finding the time and energy to drag that gigantic thing around? I also have to mention that the Rourans had some incredibly good aim when firing at the soldiers but missed by a long shot when they fired at where Mulan was hiding. That was… dumb, to say the least.

How did Mulan even get there anyways? And how did she carry all those helmets with only two hands? I’m even giving her some leeway because there are people who can control a horse with just their legs. The actress for Mulan also has clearly never fired an arrow before and was not given training for it. The way she loaded the arrows and how her fingers sprung open like that screamed CGI arrows

And now I’m remembering the random horse gymnastics the Rourans used to turn around on their horse so that they could fire arrows while riding. It looked cool, yes, but I don’t think that was the most efficient way to turn around.

Back to the fight scene, Mulan managed to go from chasing the Rourans into the mountains and fighting the Witch, to back to where her army was, then somehow teleported to a different mountain behind where the Rourans were. She also somehow outran an avalanche?? She also killed her own men in that avalanche. Not the best plan in my opinion.

Ultimately, Mulan’s growth and arc to become a soldier and hero of China was undermined by the fact that she was already perfect due to her chi powers. There was no need for her to grow and train because her chi made her strong, her chi made her skillful. And because of this, she lost her relatability. I hate to say this, but she became a Marysue.

I don’t know where to put this but Mulan’s makeup and outfit for the matchmaker scene was the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Green eyebrows?? Really?? What happened to her face? What happened to her dress? Everyone’s costumes also felt unrealistically colorful for a poor farming village.

Lastly, I’m sure many of you know that Disney worked with, credited, and gave thanks to the Xinjiang authorities. Those authorities are responsible for imprisoning up to TWO MILLION Uighur Muslims in concentration camps, forcing them to learn and be patriotic about China’s communist doctrine and propoganda, not allowing them to practice their faith, and subjecting them to horrific conditions, torture, sexual abuse, forced sterilization, brainwashing, and other abuses.

To end this overly wordy review, I don’t understand why Disney would willingly get so much wrong. They tried very hard to make changes and appeal to the Chinese audience but refused to have Chinese creators to help with the screenplay, directing, costume and makeup, etc. Now all they’ve done is alienate said audience.

[queen-erika-the-songful]

what did you think about the live action beauty and the beast?

I wish I could like it more, but there’s just way too much that I can’t stand about it.

To start positively, I did like:

The new songs, “Evermore” especially. I think it’s the perfect compliment to “If I Can’t Love Her” from the Broadway musical. If you pair them together, they’re a great representation of the Beast’s character development

The overall visual aesthetic. The costumes were really nice, the sets were beautiful, and I really did like various mixes of white and gold in the castle.

Emma Watson and Dan Stevens had better chemistry than I was expecting. I appreciate that.

Luke Evans absolutely killed “The Mob Song”. He was really scary.

The attempt to give Belle and Beast some more scenes together. I think Belle reading to him outside and the talk they had in the garden were both sweet moments. They reminded me a bit of when Belle reads King Arthur out loud to Beast in the Broadway show. during “Something There”. They really needed some bonding moments between them to make the romance work. It also helps that I’m a big sap.

The main cast overall was pretty good, but Kevin Kline was the best actor in the entire film. His Maurice was so tender and loving; I really felt every emotion he portrayed.

Belle having a more active role in the climax, which is something I actually did want to see. I really like that she caught up to Gaston, and tried to take him on, even if was just for a second.

But then there’s stuff like this:

Like I said before, I do like the new songs...but seriously? We didn’t get one song from the musical?! And Menken even teases us with an instrumental version of “Home” when Belle first enters her new room. I mean they didn’t need to make it a full-on remake of the stage musical, but it would’ve been nice to see at least one or two of them implemented into the film. 

WAY too much auto-tune used for Emma. Her voice isn’t even bad. It’s not totally grand but it was serviceable. They should’ve either let her sing and not process her vocals or just dub her over with another singer. There’s really no shame in dubbing, I mean even the first High School Musical dubbed over Troy’s parts.

They cut the original version of “Days in the Sun” with the Queen and Beast’s verses, which I think was a massive mistake. It’s so much better than the final version.

The push to make Belle more “feminist” didn’t feel entirely genuine. I initially liked the idea of her being the inventor and Maurice a clockmaker, but they don’t do much with it. In addition, she was already a pretty feminist character anyway. She saw through Gaston’s handsome exterior to his black heart right away, traded her freedom for her father’s with little to no hesitation, and didn’t give the Beast even an inch of a chance until he started being nice. Not to mention, she also tried to fight off wolves to save Phillip with just a stick and later tried to save the Beast from Gaston even though she was small and weak compared to both of them. She was a kind, brave, perceptive, clever, romantic - it’s not like being a bookworm was her entire personality.

They tried to make Gaston a “deeper”/more “complex” villain by making him a war vet with PTSD. That was completely the wrong decision and a little disgusting. My dad actually has PTSD from being a Marine, so this is a bit of a personal gripe. But I can’t understand the decision to make turn the villain, the guy we’re supposed to see as the “true” monster, someone with a real mental illness that clearly just needs help. I’m not saying that Gaston wouldn’t use his position as a war hero to boost his ego and be all high-and-mighty, because he is supposed to be egotistic, but like what was the point? What was wrong with him just being a vain, misogynistic hunter that wasn’t going to let Belle say no? 

Also why did they put a set date/time for the movie anyway? What did that actually add? Maybe I just don’t get it.

What the hell was up with Agathe being the Enchantress and her showing up at the end? I don’t get it. She doesn’t need to show up in the story at all. She just needs to show up in the prologue and curse the Prince and that’s it. I know she’s supposed to be watching them or whatever but after the spell is broken she just stands around saying nothing. The leads don’t even see her so what was the point?

Who in their right fucking mind thought that the Lefou subplot was a good idea?! Oh yes, let’s make one of the first LGBTQ+ characters in a major Disney production the villain’s henchman with whom he is secretly in love, then give him a literal 2 seconds of screentime with one of the random bargoers at the very end of the film. Like...having him break out of a toxic, one-sided relationship isn’t a bad idea exactly, but it was done so poorly. Not to mention his name means “the fool” - sure, that’s a great name to give the only gay character. If they really wanted to break barriers, why not put Cogsworth and Lumiere together instead?

What did the Wardrobe/Madam Garderobe and the Harpsichord/Maestro Cadenza add? I mean, maybe they wanted to do what they did for Wardrobe in the Broadway show, but it’s different. There, she was given the name Madame de la Grande Bouche, and she was the palace opera singer. She and Babette (Feather Duster) were major side characters along with Mrs. Potts, Lumiere, Chip, and Cogsworth. In the live-action she and Cadenza weren’t even part of the court, they were visiting from another land. So why did they have to get cursed too? They were literally just there to perform and got caught up in the curse by chance.

They casted Audra McDonald and she didn’t even sing that much. Sorry but she should’ve been the one to sing “Beauty and the Beast” instead of Emma Thompson

I’m sure there are more things I’m forgetting to feel free to send in more asks if you want.

I guess if I was babysitting one of my school kids I wouldn’t mind watching it with them but I would rather just stick to the original and the Broadway show. I really feel like in an effort to “fix” the original, they both added too much and took away a lot and it ended up a bit of a mess. A mess that’s pretty to look at and listen too, but a mess nevertheless. 

[i-can-get-extra-with-my-ships]

A Slice Of My Love. Chapter 6. Wait, You Don't Think I'm Insane?

Sup children!! (No clementine my brother did not hack onto my Tumblr and write me a whole fucken chapter.) We be existing on the bean bag again. 

The farthest you will most likely see me venture is to my bed. Or a hotel. It depends how long this book goes for. I mean, we’re almost at 10 chapters. I said like 20-30 most likely. Holy shit. I’m almost ½ to ⅓ done with this book. Moving on before I go on more of a tangent than I already have!!

Pairings: Mentions of the glasses gays (it's toned down for this chapter and in chapter 7 it will be turned up to 11), Prinxiety but it’s best friend mode™ that has been preset to 11

Tw: Cursing, Fourth wall breaks (they be back, but not as bad this time), Virgil being insane, Virgil and Roman being both shippers and BFFs, the lack of sleep finally catching up to Virge, Vee thinking he has just proved a major point.

Virgil’s POV

----

Assuming that you’ve read this whole book, you already know that Pat has been overtaken by the powers of the boop™ and has gone upstairs with Logan. Logan never came back downstairs.

Roman was thinking about something. Well, I knew what that something was. You only have to be best friends with Princy for a year and a half to know what he wants to ask you.

“You wanna ask me about Alonso, don’t you?” Roman looked up at me. Then he went back to thinking.

“You know that as long as you don’t accuse me of being insane, you can ask me whatever the fuck you want.”

He looked at me again and then sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal. “Taking advantage of the fact that dad’s upstairs huh?”

The fuck? Dude, we’ve been best fucking friends for over a year now!! If you’re trying to ask me something just ask me!!

“No shit Sherlock.”

He gasped in fake surprise. “How DARE you!! I hate to inform you, but I am the prince, hence I am royalty. You do not speak to royalty in such a crude manner!!”

So the Roman stans are taking mild offense right now. I’m gonna tell you this once and once only. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN BEST FRIEND MODE™ HAS BEEN TURNED UP TO ITS PRESET NUMBER OF 11!!

Anyways, Roman stans aside, I laughed hysterically at Roman’s mocked offense. He does a really good impression of what I’d like to imagine offended Roman stans to sound like.

Ok, we’re gonna chuck the Roman stans out a window so I can actually move on from them. I decided that I was going to help Princey away from the conversation that He was trying to move away from. (I was really tempted to say spared.) The extra bitch hasn’t left yet, has it Em? (We are NOT doing this now.) Fine.

“Seeing as you’re trying to change the subject, Pat and Lo earlier.”

His face lit up at the mention of the glasses gays, as we’ve dubbed them.

“Looks like someone needs to get more sleep.” Ro did a crappy impersonation of Lo. I laughed some more.

“And don’t forget the boop™”

Roman started snickering “How did I forget the boop™? Uhh… Well, I only have 2 weaknesses: self-deprecation and affection.”

Roman was crappily imitating Pat now. I knew where Roman was going. I jumped up from my chair and ran over. Then I slowly walked by him and booped his nose.

Roman snickers turned into a bit of giggling, then he continued with our inside joke. “Never mind. I have 3 weaknesses: self-deprecation, affection and whatever Logan just did.”

I laughed even more at Roman’s shitty impression job. “Ok, you’re purposely sucking. I have accepted this challenge of sucking at doing impersonations for this joke.” I cleared my throat for the shittiest Logan Sanders impression in the history of the universe. I heard Roman mumble “Oh god” underneath his breath.

Good. You better be bracing yourself for this shitshow Princey.

“Patton, I believe that Roman and Virgil would call that a” I searched through imaginary vocab cards “boop™.”

We looked at each other and then laughed hysterically. I somehow ended up falling over in our laughter. We stopped for a moment and looked at each other again. Then laughed again, only harder this time.

Through my laughter, I managed “Stop laughing and help me you, stupid bitch!!”

He looked at me in disbelief. “You’re sitting there, on the floor, laughing, but I can’t laugh with you?” He lectured me while still giggling.

“I’m laughing at my own stupidity. Only I can laugh at myself.”

“Whatever. I thought I was supposed to be the dramatic one!”

The laughter had died down quite quickly after that. Roman helped me up off the floor. We walked to the couch and sat down.

Well… more he sat down, I lay down, and he was my footrest. It’s an us thing.

“Do you always have to put your feet on me, Virge?”

I scoffed and looked at him in disbelief. “Do I have anywhere else to put my feet? No. Do I want you to sit on my feet? No. Do I want to sit up? No. Do I want to move to the other couch? No. Are you my prisoner now? Yes.”

He laughed a little more. I could tell that he was thinking that I stole his job of being the dramatic one.

We sat there in comfortable silence. The only thing keeping it from being awkward was the light and playful atmosphere. I have no clue about you guys, but with a best friend that you’re almost always loud with, silence is just weird and awkward. (This is a thing with me and my best friend. Normally we just randomly quote Charlie the Unicorn at that point.) 

I decided that I needed to bring up the inevitable.

“You gonna ask me about Alonso any time today? I already told you. You can ask me. I trust you.”

He thought for a moment. “Umm…. Well…. What does he look like?”

I snickered a little bit. “Wow. You’re THAT scared that you’re going to offend me?”

He didn’t share my laughter.

“Oh, umm…. Kinda like Remy, but without the stupid sign that says sleep. But like Remy mixed with someone else. I can’t put my finger on who though.” Roman hummed in response. Then he got a mischievous grin on his face.

OH SHIT!! ROMAN DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE.

He dared though.

“So is he hot?”

I looked at him with my most serious “Bitch what the fuck?” face and asked him a simple question: “Roman, you’re my best friend and I love you (platonically), but why are you like this?”

He looked back at me with a “Bitch what the fuck?” face as well. “Because I’m the literal embodiment of Thomas’ romance. And as your best friend, I want you to find love.”

“That wasn’t cheesy at all Ramen.” I snickered a little bit at the Ramen part. Roman absolutely HATES the nickname Ramen. But he’s still Ramen.

“Don’t think Ramen’s going to get a reaction out of me. It’s not. I’m totally fine with that nickname now.”

My mind went to Someone Gets Hurt Reprise from Mean Girls as soon as Ro Ramen said fine. “REALLY FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!! GO BE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEN!!!”

Roman picked up on the reference and finished the song. “And I want my pink shirt.”

I joined him for the extra part that we add every time we sing/listen to that song.

“HE BROUGHT UP THE PINK SHIRT!! AND YOU KNOW THAT SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN ONCE YOU BRING UP THE PINK SHIRT!!!” We laughed hysterically once more.

Once our laughter had died down again, Roman got serious again. Ish.

“Are you gonna tell me if Alonso is cute or not?”

I couldn’t escape this conversation now. “I don’t know. I guess? You know that this isn’t really my department. It’s like 110% yours.”

He snickered a little bit. “So like, when did you notice him?”

I told him the story. “So Pat was lecturing me about how I should be sleeping and all that bs. I wasn’t really listening because of the hypocrite card. I was staring at the counter and he was just sort of chilling there. Existing.”

I looked at Ro to see his “Vee you’re insane” face but it never came, so I continued.

“Then after Pat went upstairs to get Logan. Alonso, at this point in time I didn’t know his name so I was just referring to him as ‘the counter guy’ in my head, started talking to me by quoting Heathers. I was quoting the scene that he started when Pat and Lo came downstairs. They told me that I was being crazy and that there was only a piece of bread. That’s why I thought that you’d think I’m crazy too.”

Roman looked at me. No discernible emotion could be seen on his face. It was kinda scary. He just told me “I don’t think you’re crazy.”

It took me a moment to comprehend that. “You don’t?”

“At least I think that.”

I didn’t fully think out what I was about to do before I did it. That’s very unusual for me. Might I remind you that I was running on two cups short of a full pot of coffee (Pat and Lo drank them) and like 2 hours of sleep?

I lept off the couch, grabbed Roman’s hand and dragged him up the stairs. Once I got to Pat’s room I kicked the door down. We were greeted with the sight of the glasses gays cuddling on Patton’s bed watching a movie.

After I kicked the door down they looked up at me in shock. Still cuddling though, so that’s a bonus.

Pat spoke first. “Virgil, please tell me why you just kicked down my door.”

I could hardly contain my excitement. I moved to the side a little bit and pulled Roman forward. “RoMaN sAyS i’M nOt CrAzY!!!”

Logan looked at Roman “Roman, please explain.”

Roman looked down at his feet. “Well, do I have a story for you guys.”

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This chapter is the longest by far. The actual chapter part went over 3 pages. That’s a first.

Anywho. I really liked this chapter. It was quite fun to write. However, the next one will be even more fun to write. The glasses gays turned up to 11. God am I gonna have a ball with the next one.

Chapter 7 will most likely be next week. We’re going to Chicago and it’s a 3-hour drive there and back. I write on my laptop which will be left at home, and I don’t have a phone to write on soooo….. I get to listen to Heathers and Mean Girls mass amounts of times though.

                                            The existing internet writing human,

                                                              Em

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Taglist (if you’d like to be added/removed please inform me): @winterswishing-reblogs @thetomorrowshow @just-some-gt-trash @iixclementine

[buckyismyaesthetic]

Punk (Chap. 3)

Summary: You’re head over heels for your best friend Bucky and hate the nickname he gave you as it doesn’t exactly scream romance.

Word count: 3324 (I know, long.  But it’s because idk when I’m gonna have more time to write the next chapterssss)

Warnings: Cursing, low-self esteem, chubby!reader x bucky, idk….

A/N:  I’m overwhelmed with the feedback on the first 2 chapters!  love you guys and i can only hope to live up to your expectations with this and all future installments!

If there was one thing you hated more than anything else in the world it was clothes shopping.  OK, that’s not entirely true.  Hydra was definitely up there…and commercials’ whose volume was louder than the show you were just watching so you had the crap scared out of you by some lady who was dancing and trying to get you to buy tampons so you’d ‘have a happy period’ (no such thing)… you really hated when you stepped in puddle on the kitchen floor while only wearing socks…any sort of insect…when you bought a book series but, for some unfathomable reason, the individual books weren’t the same height, because that’s just ridiculous.  Why would anyone think it’d be acceptable to have books 1, 2, 3, and 4 to all line up perfectly on the shelf then have 5 be slightly taller only to then revert back to the original proportions for 6 and 7?!  It’s was utter nonsense and the people responsible for inflicting such depravity on the literary world should—

Rap! Rap! Rap!  “Get dressed!”  Nat hollered from the other side of the dressing room door.  “I’m going to pay for these.  Meet me at the register.”  The clinking of hangers and rustling of clothing signalled her departure as you hopped back into your jeans and slipped your “Talk Wookie to me” T-shirt back on.  You let out a sigh at your reflection.  Can’t wear this anymore, you thought dejectedly. It was your favourite shirt. Faded, thin, and baggy from having been thrown into the wash so many times it was a shadow of what it once was.

But this was your decision.  You asked—begged—Natasha to get you some girlier clothes, and that she did.  Though she had to drag you through the stores kicking and screaming. She was a real trooper.  She’d found things that emphasized the boobs you don’t have, and dresses that cinched to give you some semblance of hips and a waist, and there were heels—God, where there heels.  Heels with pointy toes and heels with opened toes.  Heels with straps to hold you in and heels without straps designed for you to fall out.  And the pants—why were they so freakin’ tight?  Your legs felt like they’d been sausage wrapped.  How were you supposed to sit or breathe or eat?  And why was your underwear always showing when you sat down?  And how come all those shirts were so flimsy and short and see through?  You had to buy second shirt just to wear under the first one!  The injustice!

But it really didn’t matter what she had picked out; you felt like wolf in sheep’s clothing nonetheless.  Even when Natasha swore up and down that you looked nice in everything you tried on, you couldn’t see it. You believed what your eyes showed you, not what your friend said.  You could still see the fat rolls fighting straining fabrics, pulling at the seams. Nothing looked like how you’d imagined it in your head.  And everything just seemed too tight and uncomfortable.  And though you were trying on clothes, you couldn’t help but feel naked and exposed as you glared at your reflection in the floor-length mirror.

With a heavy sigh, you trudged from the dressing room to meet Natasha.  She handed you back the receipt and your credit card and you almost passed out in the middle of the mall.   “This is obscene!  This is a down payment on car or a home or a kid!”

“Could’ve just made Tony pay for it,” Nat sing-songed.

“No, no one can know about this!”  

“Oh, yeah, because you suddenly walking around like Malibu Barbie won’t be suspicious at all.”

“Shut up, Natasha.”

Being the incredibly skilled spy that she was, Natasha managed to sneak you back into tower without running into anyone besides F.R.I.D.A.Y who didn’t really count as a person and who didn’t really care about operation-get-Bucky-to-fall-madly-in-love-with-you.  Natasha didn’t know about the name…

Your bedroom was down the same hallway as Bucky’s and Steve’s, past the kitchen, but closest to the side balcony where Tony had set up a little garden.  You liked to go there and read.  Or sit in the sun with your fat black cat, Ferdinand, who liked to chase butterflies and lounge in patches of sunlight.  And occasionally you’d wander out there to feed the pigeons which you and Bucky had dubbed “Sam’s babies” after you two had lured him out there, thrown a loaf of Italian bread out after him, and locked the door.  He’d shrieked “Rat’s with wings!” for days afterwards, jumped whenever someone cooed, and twitched whenever a bird flew past a window.

But you didn’t have time for those sorts of shenanigans anymore, you thought wistfully as you flung the shopping bags into the closet, slammed the door, and listened to the bags crash against it.  You’d clean it up later…probably…

A knock sounded at the door.  “Yeah?” you called as you pushed against the closet door and glared, practically daring it to open and release the mess from within.  

“Hey, Punk,” Bucky said as he stepped over the threshold.  Punk.  Ugh.  What? No, hey Y/N, you’re looking exceptionally spectacular today.  And by the way I love you.  He eyed the shirt he’d seen you in a thousand times before and gave you a smirk.

“Hey, BB,” you replied with an embarrassed tug at your collar; it was the little pet name you had for him and only you got away with using it.  Peter had tried once and ended up getting shoved off the end of the couch rather unceremoniously.  “What’s up?” Bucky made himself comfortable on your unmade bed and, as it usually did when Bucky sat in your room, heat crept up your neck as your brain exploded with thoughts of oh my god he’s in my bed, he’s in my bed!

Ferdinand, as he was prone to do, interrupted Bucky before he could speak, chirruped and snuck out from having been hibernating in the dusty, dark corners under the bed for the majority of the day.  He wound his way through Bucky’s legs and rubbed his face all over his boots.  “Hey, Ferd,” Bucky chuckled, scratching the cat’s ears.  Ferdinand purred like a motor boat and flopped onto his back, exposing his belly.  Having fallen prey more than once to this so called show of submission, Bucky leaned over and rubbed Ferdinand’s tummy with his metal arm.  Ferd pounced, claws and fangs extended, but not even the ferocious tenacity of a house cat could dent that metal and he huffed and hopped onto the bed, content with leaning against the soldier’s thigh and falling asleep.  Bucky chuckled and pet his fur.  You smiled.  Ferdinand, like his owner, loved Bucky, though he was far more comfortable showing it.  You often found them snuggling in the living room and, though he denied it, you were pretty sure Bucky slipped Ferd table scraps and was the one who got him hooked on catnip…

“What’s up?” you repeated.  The awkward silence had extended long enough for your liking.

“Nothin’ much.  Jus’ wonderin’ if you wanted ta come train.  I’m meetin’ the rest of the boys down there in a few,” he said pulling the first stuffed animal he could find onto his lap where he tugged absentmindedly at its ears.  The movement caught your attention and you groaned inwardly. Ugh!  You’re stupid bed.  Grown women had tasteful throw pillows and bed skirts…and sheets!  Your room looked like the love child of a frat boy and the winner of a Dungeons and Dragons game.  Nobody would walk into your room and think; hmm I bet some sexy supermodel lives here.  No.  Their first thought would be; please find the twelve year old boy who lives here and introduce him to a vacuum cleaner!

Distractedly, you looked around the room.  It was your safe place…or at least it used to be. Where you could be Y/N.  Where it was okay to have movie posters and memorabilia, where your costumed jewellery could be displayed like the Crown Jewels, where each video game system had a place and shelf, where the DVDs took up a book case all their own, where fantasy books could fill all the crannies and all the nooks.  And though he’d been in here a thousand times before, Bucky’s presence, all of the sudden, made you embarrassed of this place and everything in it.  Ashamed of everything that you loved because it wasn’t ‘cool’ enough, wasn’t ‘feminine’ enough, wasn’t ‘good’ enough…not for Bucky.

This room wasn’t like Natasha’s or Wanda’s. It wasn’t a woman’s room.  It didn’t have a woman’s touch, or smell, or style.  Instead it was filled with toys and posters and the sheets clashed with the pillow cases.   Nat’s room, when not being taken over by Clint and his mess, was filled with guns and knives and grown-up books like “Zen and the Art of Assassination” and “How to Build Your Own Supercomputer without Really Trying”.  Her room had candles and art.  Real art. The stuff they hang up in museums. Paintings of cottages and fairies painted by old, dead, Italian guys.  The pictures on her wall weren’t purchased at Comic Con.  And Wanda’s room didn’t look like it was designed from a page in the kids section of the IKEA catalogue.  The Sokovian’s bedroom was filled with puffy cushions and potted plants.  Everything was soft and pale and radiated warmth. Her style was minimalist.  Things looked clean; her room was clean.  She actually vacuumed. And dusted!  She used coasters!  Her furniture matched; she’d bought a bedroom set.  You, on the other hand, bought your night table from the thrift store and paid some college kid three hundred bucks for your mattress after hitting the first link you found on Craig’s List.

“Hell-oo?” Bucky’s voice pulled you out of your musings.

“Yeah, hi, sorry.  Huh?  What’s up?” you gushed, Good.  No, that’s good, not at all weird.

Bucky smirked and you wanted to smack his stupid, beautiful face.  “I asked if ya wanted ta come train but ya spaced out.”

“I did not.”

“Did too. Thinkin’ about Star Wars again?”

“No.”  Though the new move was spectacular.

“That show with the dragons?”

“Game of Thrones, you know what it’s called you watched it with me.  And no.” You pulled the stuffed animal from his hands and tossed it on the chair where you’d piled up all of the freshly laundered clothes you hadn’t bothered to put away for three days.  Ferdinand opened one eye and gave you a nasty look. Apparently the movement had disturbed him.

“Oh yeah,” Bucky said with exaggerated understanding.  “The one with the naked people!  Is that what you were thinkin’ about?  Porn?” He waggled his eyebrows teasingly and gave you sly grin before swiping his tongue over his lips.

“No!” you yelped loudly.  That little tease of tongue got you all flustered.    “I wasn’t!” Great, now he thinks I’m lying.

He blew out a disbelieving puff of air from his nose and said sarcastically.  “Sure, sure.”

Your face heated up as if you were standing in front of an oven and you were pretty sure that he could see sweat stains forming underneath your arm pits.  You crossed your arms over your chest and huffed, “Really, I wasn’t!” 

Bucky, with a mysterious gleam in his eye, cocked his beautiful head to the side in thought.  He’d recently cut his once long hair into a shorter more modern do that left a layer of soft, dark curls on top that made your fingers twitch with desire to card through.  He nodded. “Yeah, you’re right.  You wouldn’t think about that stuff at all.”

The fuck that’s supposed to mean? You felt your eyes widen fractionally with shock and your brain went into overdrive coming up with interpretations to what Bucky could’ve possibly meant.  What, fat girls can’t think about sex? Is that too repulsive of a thought? To think that someone who doesn’t have a body like a porn star could ever fathom getting down and dirty?  You could be dirty.  Hell, the things you imagined doing with Bucky, doing to Bucky were downright sinful.  NC-17.  Rated XXX. Not suitable for all audiences.  The things you pictured he could do with those hands, that mouth, that body.  Oh lordy, you spent many sleepless nights with visions of you two perfectly entwined, writhing together, gasping for air, moaning in ecstasy.  

The silence stretched on for what felt like eons before Bucky slapped his palms on his knees, irritating Ferd who yawned and crawled up to sit on your pillows, and got back to his feet.  “You okay, Punk?” He asked gently.  The way his voice lowered in a soft whisper seemingly full of concern had your heart fluttering like a hummingbirds.  But then he had to go and ruin it with that stupid nickname.  The nickname that didn’t relay any hint of affection.  Punk punk punk punk.

“Yeah, just tired,” you lied.  “I was shopping with Natasha all morning.”

“We went over this; no more books until you get another shelf.”  He motioned to the pile of books you’d arranged next to your bed since you’d run out of room on the book cases. 

You smirked.  He had a point.  “We were clothes shopping, B.”

Bucky blinked his big, beautiful eyes stupidly at you.  “What? Why?  You hate clothes shopping.  You never go clothes shopping.”

You rolled your eyes dramatically.  “I buy clothes.  I need clothes.”  He glanced at the mountain of folded clothes on the chair and raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Different clothes.”  

“What’s wrong with the ones you got?”

Everything. So many things.  They’re wrong.  “Nothing, just—I dunno, tryin’ somethin’ different, that’s all.”  It came out all mumbled and you refused to look him in the eye, instead watching your slipper clad foot graze the hardwood floor.  Maybe you hadn’t thought all this stuff through quite right.  Yeah, you wanted him to notice a change, why the hell otherwise wold you blow an entire pay check on a bunch of getups you didn’t even like? But you didn’t think he’d notice. Like ask questions.  You thought it would be like in those teen movies where you walked down the stars looking all lust worthy and he’d stand there, mouth agape, at a loss for words by your breath-taking transformation into a certified bombshell.  But noooooo. You hadn’t even put anything on and he was suspicious of you.  Asking questions.  Already looking freaked out.  Faaaaacccckk. 

“Okay, I was—” but he didn’t finish his sentence as his phone buzzed in his pocket.  “Sorry,” he said, picking up the device and looking at the screen.  

You smiled, remembering it was you who had taught him how to operate it.  You’d found him a ringtone and showed him how to set up backgrounds, even forcing him to take a selfie with you and making it your icon for when you called him. Vaguely, you wondered if he still had it or if he’d decided to go back to leaving it blank, instead of having to look at your abominable face.

“Change of plans, we’re goin’ for a run instead,” Bucky grinned.  “Relax, you’re off the hook.  I’ve seen ya run,” he laughed lightly.

Um, what? What the hell’s that supposed to mean? Sure, you despised running in every form and you didn’t exactly keep quiet about it.  But that didn’t mean you couldn’t do it, maybe not very fast or for very long, but that was beside the point; you could run.  Immediately you became self-conscious.  ‘I’ve seen ya run’.  Oh god, did he see your thighs jiggle with every heavy step as you practically Hulk-stomped the pavement?  Did he notice the slight waddle you did as your legs shook with the effort to keep pace?  For the love of all things holy, please don’t say he noticed your thighs rubbing together or how you’d have to stop to pull up your leggings as your muffin top bounced loose and pushed the fabric down and under the roll.  Subtly, you pulled on your shirt to make it baggier, so as not to emphasise the fat underneath.  

“Anyway, I gotta go, Punk.  We’re goin’ out tonight.  ‘Round ten.  You in?” He asked.   

You weren’t up for a repeat of last night. Your self-esteem was already shot to shit and if you had to watch another flawless woman wrap herself around Bucky you might just spontaneously combust in a jealous rage or attack any woman within a ten foot radius of Bucky like a rabid dog.  You sighed heavily.  Just the image of Bucky with someone else had you feeling uglier by the minute.  

“Uh, no thanks.” 

“Really?  Again? You always come out with us,” he argued.

“I have plans already,” you lied.  “With, uh, Nat and Wanda.  Girls Nite.  We’re goin’ out.”  Lie.  Lie. That’s a lie.

Bucky nodded, lips pursed in amusement.  “Since when do you do ‘Girls Nite’?”  He made the finger quotes in mid-air.  

His incessant questioning was getting on your nerves.  You hadn’t planned on having to come up with so many lies so early in the game.  This isn’t how it is in the movies!  The dude isn’t supposed to ask so many questions!  Just accept the metamorphosis and move on! You replied, annoyed with his over emphasis on ‘you’. “You don’t know everything about me, Bucky.” Oh, yeah! Be a lil’ sassy!  Be mysterious!  Natasha’s gonna be so proud.

Bucky smiled at that.  “I know more than ya think, Punk.”  He gave you a wink and your heart dropped into your butt.  Oh god, does he know?  Please don’t know.  I’m not ready, I’m not ready.  I haven’t practiced what to say or do, I was gonna make a speech and, fuck, I’m wearing this stupid fucking shirt— “Alright, I’ll see ya at dinner then. We’re orderin’ Chinese and rumour has it that there’s pie for desert,” he teased and gave you a poke to the ribs that made you squirm away, not wanting him to prod the blubber. 

Ugh, he knows I eat!  But, fuck, I do love pie.

“See ya later,” and he clapped you on the shoulder and strutted out the door.  Mm mm mm!  That walk!  He was a typical ‘hate to see ya go but love to watch ya leave’ kinda guy.  The sexy lean, the hip swivel, and hot damn that ass! You could watch Bucky strut his stuff all day long.  He was one fine piece of man-candy.

You shook your whole body like a dog shaking off water. Calm yourself, woman!  Be cool. Be cool.  Once the Bucky fog lifted, you couldn’t help but dwell on your conversation and the conclusions you had drawn, mainly that you were fat and ugly and decidedly not sexy.  It wasn’t news to you, but the fact that Bucky was even minutely aware of any of those things made you want to fling yourself in front of a bus…at least then your stomach might be flat.

And thinking of that, you looked down at your Pillsbury Doughboy tummy and poked it angrily.  “Go away,” you scolded it.  “You ruin everything.”

With a deep, resigned sigh you gave up and changed into workout clothes, keeping your back to Ferdinand so as not to give the little perv a chance to oogle. Maybe some kickboxing would make you feel better.  You could imagine your face on the bag as you punched away.  And while you were at it you could talk yourself into a night on the town—OH MY GOD I DIDN’T TELL NAT AND WANDA!

You raced out of your room, hoping that Bucky hadn’t already run into either woman and mention the plans you’d made for them without their knowledge…Operation-get-Bucky-to-fall-madly-in-love-with-you turning out to be a lot more complicated than you had originally thought.

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[dwarveslikeshinythings]

Guys i saw beauty and the beast last night...

and i just... 

was kind of... baffled (?) by some of the choices? 

caution: spoilers/controversial opinions/randomy thought-vomity thoughts under the cut. I didn’t hate it as much as this makes it sound... I promise! 

*This got WAY too long, so I’m breaking it into sections. I’m so sorry to anyone that actually bothers to read this. It’s honestly just a reactionary stream of consciousness, for the most part. 

THE ACTING 

To set this up/disclaim: I adore Emma Watson as a human being. She is absolutely lovely, she IS and will always be Hermione Granger, and I’ve liked her in most of her other projects. That said, I found her COMPLETELY flat in this movie acting-wise (and don’t worry, I’ll get to her singing). I don’t think that Emma by nature is what I would describe as “feisty;” there’s a classy, sophisticated, “prim and proper-ness” to her that definitely has it’s place... but just not here. 

Belle needs to be fiery, empowered, passionate, and she just has to EXUDE that in everything she says or does. I think they did a lot in the script to empower Belle through the dialogue she was given, but Emma just doesn’t exude those things naturally with her acting, which I think is where the disconnect ultimately came from. 

So unfortunately, I was worried this would be a case of miscasting from the beginning, and I was sadly proven right. She looked absolutely stunning, but I personally never felt like I connected with Emma’s Belle, which KILLED me, because like so many other people that grew up with the movie, Belle was the character that no matter where I was in life, I always gravitated toward. 

Honestly, I just felt like I got more genuine emotion from 2 minutes of Human!Dan Stevens as the prince there at the end than I did from Emma the entire film.

THE SCRIPT 

I wouldn’t have thought this would be possible, given that the animated film script is pitch-perfect and even the Broadway show manages to be good (despite some completely worthless additions), but the script for this film was actually pretty bad. I’d give it 3.5/10. The pacing through the whole thing was... off, somehow. The relationship development between Belle and the Beast felt off-balance to me, and there were several scenes that I genuinely sat there going “well that was rushed.” (*cough* LIBRARY SCENE *cough*) 

Specifically: 

Why on EARTH would they have given the “I’ll show you to your room” scene to anyone BUT the Beast. It’s like, the entire tee-up to the Belle x Beast relationship???!? 

Also, they BOTCHED the whole “join me for dinner” bit, BECAUSE they gave the “i’ll show you to your room” scene to the objects. 

I was not a HUGE fan of the one-line backstory they gave the beast, something about “his father turned him into a monster” or something to that effect. To me, that “woobifies” the character in a way I’m not a fan of...  I always liked the Beast because it seemed to me that he had CHOSEN to be a bad person, he got his comeuppance when he was cursed, and he consciously had to decide to change his heart in order to break the spell. It took something away from the Belle x Beast arc to insert someone else in there to tell her “oh, he’s this way because X,” and for that to serve as a catalyst for her feelings softening.

Also, the whole Paris bit was super extra, and to me, a sign that the writers were like “oh crap, we haven’t done enough to build up Belle and the Beast, so uh, here, let’s have them bond over sadness.” Like... meh? (Sidebar: if you’re GONNA do the Paris thing and you’re GONNA have HUGE SHOT OF NOTRE DAME SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERYTHING, I EXPECT A “HUNCHBACK” EASTER EGG. C’MON, DISNEY!) 

Shifting gears, NGL, I missed Gaston’s ill-attempted “wooing” scene at the beginning of the movie. It almost seemed to me like they were intentionally trying to excise some of the blatant misogny from his character... but... like... he’s SUPPOSED to be the biggest fuckboi in town... he’s supposed to be the character that you really hate. He should be narcissistic, mysogynistic and generally disgusting. I remember even being a kid being thoroughly disgusted by Gaston, and feeling like he really got what he deserved when Belle chucked him out into the mud. And I just... didn’t get that from this film. I mean, he became hateable later with what he did to Maurice, but there was a lot missing from the propsal/rejection scene for me. (Also I would have DIED to hear Luke Evans sing “ME” from the Broadway show.)

ANOTHER THING: not enough of the Gaston fangirls! They could have had SUCH FUN with Lefou and the girls all mooning over Gaston... not a huge deal, just a missed character/comedy opportunity, IMO. 

OTHER MISSING CHARACTERS: WHERE TF WAS MONSIEUR D’ARQUE?!? He was positively creeptacular in the original/stage version, plus YOU CAST ADRIAN FUCKING SCHILLER, WHY WOULD YOU NOT USE HIM!?!? My boy got seriously shortchanged. 

Also, how TF did Belle manage to pull off that full costume change while galloping away on a horse??? 

Final random casting thing: the village library guy was pretty young and hot (not at all like the old guy from the movie). If I was Belle, I’d have been all over that! :P

THE MUSIC: 

OKAY SO THE MUSIC: 

First thing’s first: HOLLYWOOD. IF YOU’RE GOING TO CONTINUE RE-MAKING EVERY MUSICAL UNDER THE SUN AND INSIST ON CASTING ACTORS WHO CANNOT SING, WE HAVE GOT TO RE-EMBRACE THE CONCEPT OF DUBBING. BRING BACK THE MARNI NIXONS OF THE WORLD AND LET THEM SING. AUDREY HEPBURN WAS DUBBED. NATALIE WOOD WAS DUBBED. THIS DID NOT DETRACT FROM THE FACT THAT THEY WERE INCREDIBLE ACTRESSES. DUBBING IS AN ACCEPTABLE PRACTICE. LET’S BRING IT BACK. 

Seriously, I am so BEYOND done watching actors that cannot sing BUTCHER great scores. Emma was so autotuned, it was honestly cringeworthy-- wayyyyy too saccharine, way too overproduced. 

That said, Audra MacDonald was a VISION, as always, Josh Gad consistently impresses me as a vocalist/overall performer (and his upper register), Luke Evans was pitch-perfect and Emma Thompson’s rendition of “Beauty and the Beast” was absolutely everything it needed to be. Even Dan Stevens showed up with some vocal chops, but that brings me to another thing... 

COULD WE HAVE NOT JUST HAD HIM SING “IF I CAN’T LOVE HER” INSTEAD OF WHATEVER GODAWFUL POWER-BALLAD SOMEONE DECIDED WOULD BE A GREAT IDEA TO WRITE. 

Seriously... I had SUCH HIGH HOPES that they would at least carry over the Beast’s songs from the Broadway show, because of all the songs they added into the stage adaptation, I thought those added the most to the story and gave some much needed dimension to the Beast’s character, with some introspective moments that were missing from the original film. 

Instead (I’m assuming for the purpose of making people buy the new soundtrack), they wrote an utterly CRINGEWORTHY song that was musically cheap and lyrically terrible. I am getting so tired of saying this EVERY TIME a new movie musical adaptation comes out, but producers keep doing it and it irks me. So here (for the umpteenth time) is a PRO-TIP: When you have SO MUCH fantastic source material ALREADY out there, JUST USE IT. DON’T WRITE NEW STUFF. JUST USE WHAT’S ALREADY THERE. 

So in the meantime, I’ll just be over here cry/yelling in frustration about never getting to hear Dan Stevens sing “LET THE WORLD BE DONE WITH MEEEEEEEE!” 

They also lost WAY too much of the original scoring in favor of scoring that was just, well... BLAH. Really missed the original scoring during the scene in the West Wing when Belle finds the rose, in particular. [ALSO... they somehow managed to take like... ALL of the dramatic tension/sense of danger out of that scene. I don’t understand how that was possible, but they did it.]

HOWEVER, I was delightfully surprised to hear “Home” backing a few scenes throughout... I do like that song from the Broadway show, and while I had no desire whatsoever to hear Emma sing it, I’m happy that musical moment made it in somehow. 

FINALLY, whatever GOD-AWFUL song they had Celine Dion sing at the end just needs to never be heard by human ears again. But Ariana Grande and John Legend sounded pretty good. 

LAST THOUGHTS: 

Would never have thought I’d be attracted to Dan Stevens all dolled up in ostentatious French facepaint, but whoops, I was wrong. 

Shoutout to Hattie Morahan for being delightfully creepy and gorgeous as the Enchantress (also, SENSE AND SENSIBILITY FEELS with Edward/Elinor in the same frame!) 

To sum it up, though: Stanley Tucci remains one of my favorite things on God’s green earth, and I just want to be Emma Thompson when I grow up. 

[poppun-chan]

The Year of Keroro Challenge Update 4 (Yes Sir)

Goodness, even though I mentioned looking forward to this one it took quite a while to write it (this has been a difficult week)in terms of watching I’m almost finished with the first season, actually, one strange thing I noticed was that the valentines episode actually lines up with valentines day. But before we get started Jlucy pointed out to me that the scene from episode 21 with the car is specifically a nod to “Castle of Caliostro” with the drivers being based on two of the main characters and the car being a nod to the Fiat from the movie. Actually I wonder if the writers for the dub had this in mind when they were writing; in the English version the driver mentions he was renting a car because he didn’t want to use his Fiat.

Either way I had planned to wait until there weren’t any text pieces to translate, but I have at least one more of these non-episode specific notes to do before we reach episode 65, so a bit on name origins (The ones for the Human characters will probably be less familiar, but still....)

Keroro-Kero, the noise a frog makes (I’ve always suspected this is actually a really common name)

Tamama-Otamajakushi, meaning tadpole (I really find myself wondering about his family background that his parents gave him a name that assumes he’s going to look like a child for a long time)

Giroro-Giro, the onomatopoeia for glaring at someone/something

Kururu-Kuru, it’s used as an onomatopoeia, a noun, and a verb, either way it refers to something twisting, spinning or turning (which is why his resonance creates a loop)

Dororo-It’s best known as a reference to the Osamu Tezuka manga Dororo, which takes place in the feudal era, it also works as a play on Doro-Doro which is the sound of something dripping

And the plan count:

Serious Plans: K66:16 D66:1 MMK:1 TMM:1

Funding Plans: K66:1

It’s a plan, I Swear!: K66:5 (I’m throwing the sports day mission in here too)

Oh look! Progress!: K66:3 

And the marker board from episode 27:

Episode 22: Now first of all I’ve always enjoyed this episode, the absurdity, the cute break down Tamama has at the end, the completely impractical but still fun plan (actually I think Tamama only comes up with three plans over the course of the entire show and they’re all more or less the same basic concept). Plus the little stealth pun when Natsumi gets angry about the shower; she shouts “Kora!” which is an interjection that can be used as a reprimand, but it’s pronounced similarly to Cola.

Actually, speaking of this part I have to admit I sort of agree with Tamama’s point that Fuyuki could just serve that cake in the fridge instead of making dinner....Actually even the bit about accounting for nutritional balance could sort of be refuted; Baked goods often contain grains and eggs, not always dairy but ice cream and cheese cake covers that, his plan allowed tuna as an exception so that’s meat covered, plus many desserts are made with fruit and there are some made with vegetables (carrot cake, anything with pumpkin in it, corn cake), sure most people would probably either stop eating before this point or simply die trying, but theoretically it IS possible to get normal nutrients that way....Yes I’ve seriously thought about this; there are quite a few characters that can be explained this way.

Finally no discussion of this episode would be complete without bringing up the infamous letter, so I’m going to try and cover this in more depth since I have the luxury of making this a separate note. First of all, it’s written really oddly; everything except the word “leader” is written in katakana which you normally wouldn’t do (hiragana only is a different matter, but in modern times it’s considered a bit childish). One big issue with not using kanji is that it’s much harder to tell what you’re trying to say, plus katakana itself is a bit sticky since some of them strongly resemble each other or other kanji (one relevant to this is katakana ni resembling the kanji for two which is often pronounced the same way). The revealed part admittedly seems phrased a bit simply, but it says “Taichou wa Tamama ni” or “Tamama’s Leader” while the full message is “Taichou wa Keroro ni Makasetamama ni” or “Keroro will be left as the leader” I suppose the closest thing in English would be if the letters were a bit more spaced apart instead of grouped together

And fun fact; Etsuko Kozakura, the woman who provides Tamama’s voice, also did the voice of Puppetmon/Pinocchimon from the original Digimon series. I just thought I’d mention this since I noticed a few....similarities between their management styles (Though Tamama just imprisoned people who crossed him instead of....deleting them)....actually watching the episode and knowing this made me look into Digimon again, did you know one of the newer series has a Puppetmon who is one of the friend Digimon that shows up every now and then? Really. They have his nose grow when he lies (including to himself) and give him some really charming moments....and he shares his English voice with Keroro, hm.

Episode 23: And it’s the clone episode! I have to confess, the bit about the clones not having a star always makes me wish there was a video of the original Keroro singing the song from the Sneetches, the one where the starred Sneetches are roasting marshmallows....I know it’s a strange association to make, but....Come to think of it, I don’t think this was a manga chapter, I’m not completely sure and I know most of the season one episodes were based on the manga, but I know a few stories were anime exclusive and I believe this was the first one, either way it’s hilarious to see Keroro being the responsible one and getting annoyed by the behaviour of his own clones (still, at least there was an easily visible way of telling them apart, which is better than what happened with Pinkie Pie, some people still theorise that they kept the wrong Pinkie).

Now for a bit of a sticky area, especially since I’ve been putting up with my grandfather’s preoccupation with this particular time for most of my life, but I noticed something a bit odd. Even now, a lot of people seem to be weirded out by the “clone salute”, but they actually switched two of the syllables in the Aliens’ name for Earth because the original term from the manga was associated with the Sino-Japanese wars (I’m not sure which, there’s two major ones and a bunch of smaller conflicts, but the second big one was during the world war) and was banned from television. I’d be curious to find out what it is that makes one war reference more acceptable than another (maybe because calling Earth “Pokopen” alludes to much longer standing conflict with a specific country? I have to admit I always wondered if the best way of handling “touchy terms” would be to find a positive, unrelated use for them so they take on a new meaning and the old one eventually falls out of use; you often hear about the power of words, but it’s actually their meanings that have effect rather than the words themselves)

Episode 24: Oh dear it’s 556, I have to admit I’ve never liked this guy (though I will admit, I like the instrumental version of his song on the Christmas album) I know for a lot of people felt the same way with Joriri eventually replacing him, but it didn’t work the same way for me.

Actually, one thing I love about this episode is how when Keroro wonders about the emotions he’s feeling watching 556 fighting “monsters” they immediately cut to Tamama; it’s almost as if the cinematography is saying “Let’s ask your resident expert, shall we?”

Actually I recently looked at the Japanese version of the full character page again, I think there’s one surprising one on there; I know 556 and Labbie are references to Space Sheriff Gaven and a character named Annie from Space Sheriff Shaider, but the character page lists their relationship as Gukyou-Kenmai or “Goofy Older Brother, Wise Younger Sister” which was the original title for a T.V. series called “Otoko wa Tsurai yo” or “It’s tough to be a man” which later became a huge film series of the same title (Often called “Tora-san” after the main character, Torajirou), spanning 48 installments and nearly three decades (only ending when the actor playing Torajiro died). The films followed a similar formula of Torajirou the traveling salesman going home to his sister’s family, walking out after getting into an argument and meeting a distressed young woman in the next town he goes to and offering to let her stay at the family’s sweet shop if she needs it. Eventually this happens and he falls in love with her, but in trying to win her over indavertantly ends up setting her up with another man and ending up disappointed, but putting on a brave face and wishing her the best before journeying to another town in hopes of getting over her and eventually becoming somebody his family can be proud of. 

The first movie was actually made to please fans of the original show who were upset that Torajirou died of a snakebite in the final episode, it also took quite a bit of convincing from the director to get the first movie made. Incidentally, the working title for the original show came from the final caption in another piece Torajiro’s actor played in

Episode 25: And here we have a Nishizawa family quarrel....which is appearently not considered complete unless enough money is spent that you could buy a small town and heavy weapons are nearly used (that’s the second time Keroro’s nearly let to Earth be destroyed only to be stopped at the last moment by the realisation that Earth is the official “Gunpla Planet”). Still there are some nice little moments (though I wonder if they ever did make that video, as long as they cut out the bits where they start to lose it could work)

Episode 26: Sports Day fun times ♪ Actually, has anyone ever noticed that whenever a show wants to slow down a sports day they usually target the scavenger hunt? Though now that I think about it, the cruel irony of all this is if they hadn’t tried to help, Aki probably would have made it in time to run in the race (or at least, the combined effect of accidentally speeding up the 100 meter dash and ruining some of the manuscripts). Though I do admit that I miss the parts from the manga where Momoka is running a race and the newspaper article at the end “Freak in tights crashes sports fest” I find it strangely hilarious the way they worded it. Also it’s amazing the things that become relevant later on, let’s see who remembers what I’m talking about.

Episode 27:  First of all, I love the way Keroro offhandedly compares renewing interest in the invasion to reviving the dead (He already knows it’s a lost cause), it’s especially interesting considering they come across the remnants of a failed invasion later on. Actually I sort of want to see a spin off about those past invaders; not necessarily a big, dramatic, action-y thing mind you, honestly I expect it would be more or less the same thing as with Keroro but in ancient times, perhaps with the human characters being the ancestors of the current ones.

Also they use the pun of kaeru meaning both “frog” and “to return” quite a lot in the series. Though I have to admit I can relate to Keroro’s feelings a bit here; all of the women in my family have been quite formidable, especially for their time, and my mother is crusading to change the child welfare system in Canada (even though she’s never been in it) and doing all of these things for political change and I sometimes feel I can’t really measure up to that, even though I don’t plan on going into a related field. Plus because of her work I’m a bit burnt out on people issues, I focus more on environmental ones.

Episode 28: This one was a bit tricky, though I always thought the effect of the cold weather on the Keronians sounded more like windburn than all out frostbite. As for the second part this officially marked the beginning of the odd sort of dynamic of Mois & Kururu, I don’t remember how much it was explored in the show apart from her sometimes being who they went with when they needed a girl to associate with Kururu, though I remember a few moments from the manga that built on it, such as the “Angol Stone” chapter.

[wellmeaningshutin]

Short Story #70: Remember.

Written: 3/18/2017                                                                Backwards Week

Avery had come home from work to find an envelope, with the word “REMEMBER” written on it, taped to her front door, but there was no form of contact information written on it. When she got inside, the first thing she did was she took off her wig, which she had worn ever since the accident that shaved off some of her scalp, and left a gaping blank spot in her memory, and even though that was some time ago her hair never healed back properly. It was always pleasant to let her scalp, which resembled the torn earth of a no man’s land. When she opened the envelope, she was surprised to find only an unmarked DVD, and nothing else. So, figuring this was the most interesting thing to happen to her since she woke up and was suddenly in her thirties, surrounded by worried family members, she poured herself a glass of wine and decided to watch the movie, whatever it may be.

She almost dropped her glass when she saw that her younger sister was in the movie, since the younger girl had been missing for quite some time, about a couple weeks after Avery had come to. What was stranger was that she was in a scene were she was drinking and hanging out with an older man, who kept calling her sister Avery. “Avery, I think I love you.”

The tile of the movie flashed onto the screen, thanks to the magic of a low quality heart wipe, and she was now staring at the words “Falling in Love, Falling Hard” which were written in simple, white font on top of a blank, rose red background. It seemed like the editing had been done on Windows movie maker, and when it cut back to the movie she had a suspicion that it was filmed off of a cell phone, or a very cheap camera. The low quality and budget of the movie, the fact that her sister was in it, and the way it was all targeted towards her felt like a threat, but a very bad one. Pausing the movie, Avery decided to go and get the whole bottle of wine, it seemed like the movie wasn’t going to be very entertaining, so it was best to make a drinking game out of it. Every time somebody said love, she would take a drink.

Half way through the thing she was already out of wine.

Hard to follow and poorly acted, the movie just kind of seemed to keep dragging on. After the title sequence, it started with her younger sister, who was playing her, coming over to some older guy’s house to just hang out or something, it wasn’t very clear because only a minute passes before the two are already drunk, and they begin to make out. Avery, the fake Avery, pushes him away and shouts, “I don’t think we should do this! We’re good friends and I don’t want to ruin a good thing! I don’t want you to wake up in the morning and hate me!”

Then he grabbed her face, the fake Avery tried hard to look enamored instead of uncomfortable, and the man shouts, “Avery, I think I love you!” However, when he says it, he does so in a way that is like he was trying to sing, but all say it very serious and dramatically, at the same time. Post-declaration, they both began to keep repeating the word love to each other, sometimes taking a break from repeating the words with a very unconvincing kiss, and she felt every time they did so, mainly because it was painfully clear that fake Avery was repulsed by it, but the man was trying to take advantage of the situation.

The word “REMEMBER” appears on the screen, white text behind a solid black background, and then the next scene was literally just the man dancing shirtless while somebody was pouring rose petals down in front of the camera, while some D’Angelo song plays in the background.

“REMEMBER”

The pair wake up together in bed, naked, or at least its supposed to seem like they’re naked, but its easy to see that fake Avery is wearing some sort of strapless clothing underneath the blanket. They turn to each other and try to say “I love you” to each other, and they say it at the same time, but its clear that it had to be dubbed over because their lips don’t match the words. By this time the real Avery is getting shit faced, and is starting to playfully scream, “Get out of there girl!” at her television.

“I think we should make passionate love again,” the man says in a monotone voice, “did you like the orgasms I gave you?”

“Yes,” says fake Avery, having trouble hiding her boredom, “I had a thousand of them, it was good. Super good.”

“I’m very good at sex.”

Again, the word: REMEMBER. This time the background keeps shifting between black and rose red, and then More than a Feeling, by Boston, begins to play in its entirety as the screen flashes like that, then the movie just kind of ends.

Although she knew she should probably tell her parents about it, her first instinct was to throw the movie in the trash and just forget about it. ———————————————————————————————————

Out in a field in the middle of nowhere, sitting in the backseat of a beat up, tan sedan, with the door open and her legs facing outside, the fake Avery, Avery’s younger sister, Ava, is trying to make sense of the script for the film’s second act. Turning to the director who is rifling through the trunk, she asks, “How the hell did this go from you two falling in love, to you two finding buried treasure in the middle of bumfuck nowhere?”

Exhaling smoke, the awful kind that comes from cigarettes that have been lying out for several years, the director grits his teeth and explains, “This is how it happened, this really happened.”

Attempting to waft the stale smoke away from her face, “Do you have to smoke those fucking things? Couldn’t you have bought a new pack or something?”

“I smoked these when Avery and I first met, I’ve kept them ever since, just for a special occasion. Why would I smoke anything else.” Spitting on the ground, “Are you stupid, do you not understand love?”

“Hey, don’t call me fucking stupid when you’re the one writing some script about you and my sister, finding buried treasure out in an empty-”

“Look, I told you this is how it happened.”

“I just think-”

“FUCK YOU!” Repeatedly punching the back license plate, causing the car to shake, “Are you saying I didn’t love her? Are you trying to lie to me right now? Fuck you, you don’t know love, you don’t know what we had.” Pulling his fist back, searching for a rag in the trunk so that he could stop the bleating, and maybe to clean the skin off of the license plate, he cooly said, “Do you want the money or what?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I want the money.”

“Then get that shovel, get in front of the camera, and fucking dig.”

“Did you bring a chest out here, or-”

“I’m going to digitally edit it in later, you know, editing magic. Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, I know love.”

Figuring it was better to get paid than to be right, she walked out into that feild, in front of the camera, propped up on the tripod, that had been running, filming nothing for ten minutes straight, and began to dig. As she did this the older man mumbled to himself, planning on what he would say to Avery when they were reunited, as he searched for a rag, but one couldn’t be found, so he decided to remove his t-shirt and used that to clean his license plate, and then cover his hand. It was freezing out, he could see the sun getting low, and when he looked at Ava he could see her breath rise up to the sky. “How deep do you want me to dig? How long do you want me to keep this up for?”

“About…” thinking over how deep the hole would need to be, trying to scratch his head with his muffled hand, then having to switch to the other hand as he tried to coolly place the wrapped one on the top of the trunk, which he forgot was open, leading him to fall over into the trunk. Ava was unfazed by this, and decided to just keep digging. The man tried to think of a way that would make it look like he planned to stumble around like that, but it only caused him to focused more on his mishap, which caused him to become embarrassed, which led him to think, ‘I’ll just dig that fucker myself. Fuck her, she’s probably digging a no good hole. I can do it better than she could!”

Lifting himself up, he peered over at Ava out of spite, and then grabbed his hunting rifle out of his trunk. While she was focused on digging, he aimed at her, but his hands were very unsteady, especially the damaged one, and his first shot obliterated the camcorder, the second act being destroyed with it, but completely missed the fake Avery, who immediately dropped into the hole after hearing the shot, hoping that it would be good enough cover.Luckily, the man had terrible aim, especially since after the accident, and spend the whole clip without even being close to hitting her. The only non dirt objects that he struck were the camcorder, and a rock that caused a bullet to ricochet and shatter one of the side view mirrors on his car, making it shittier than it already was.

When she heard the click click click of the empty rifle, Ava decided to climb out of the hole and started running off into the horizon, hoping that something would work, that she would escape this lovestruck maniac, but she knew that it was futile, that he would eventually get her, because there was no way she could out run a car. The sunset was just so beautiful, and she just wanted to run towards it, so she could buy a couple extra seconds of life, so she could enjoy the view before it was gone. ————————��——————————————————————————

“You want me to what?”

“Just get naked and lie in bed with me, its not like we’re going to actually have sex,” the man casually tried to explain, treating the 23 year old as if she was slow, “This is how they do it in the movie business, Hollywood. Do you know anything about movies?”

Trying to keep her anger and disgust in check, because she needed the money for rent, Ava tried to explain as reasonably as she could, “Kissing you was already too fucking much, and now you want me to lie in bed next to you, completely naked? The fuck is the point of this movie? Are you just trying to fuck me?”

“God damn it, how did you get that? What did I say to even remotely imply that?”

“For starters, when we kissed you said their would be no tongue, and you kept trying to slip it to me.”

“I was just being realistic! I’m sorry if I take movies very seriously! I’m just trying to fulfill my artistic vision!”

“Also, you clearly have an erection right now.”

“That’s not for you, don’t you get all high and mighty right now! You think that because you’re young and pretty that every guy wants to bang you, well this is for your sister, not you!”

“What the fuck is this, why did I agree to do this? You clearly aren’t right in the head.” Collecting her things, trying to not turn her back to the man, “I still can’t understand the point of this fucking thing anyways.”

Throwing his hands up in frustration, walking in a circle, amazed at how childish and unreasonable the dumb girl was being, “This movie is about how your sister and I met, right? So if she sees it, she’ll remember everything we did together, and then when her memory comes back she’ll live with me again, and we can be in love. She can do my dishes, clean my clothes, all of the things she used to do when she loved me! How can’t you understand how love works, are you emotionally retarded or something?”

Slipping on her flats, “First off, you in no way seem like you actually love her, you just want a maid.”

Appalled, having to step back when he heard this, “Have you never.. Do you not know how relationships work? Do you not know love?”

“Fine fine, whatever, lets just not get into this then! I’ll just get my shit and go, and if you really want to get back with my sister then just fucking talk to her, I don-”

“I can’t talk to her again, do you know how long it took me to get her to love me the first time around? Your sister is a real bitch, did you know that? But I guess it runs in the family.”

“Fuck you, I don’t need the money that bad.” And she began to storm out, not wanting to deal with this low life, realizing why her parents hated this guy so much.

Reaching out and latching onto her arm, preventing her from leaving, he had to tell his side of the story, he couldn’t let her think she was better than him, “Look here, I’m to old to go through that routine with your sister. If this movie works, then she’ll remember our love and we’ll be back together, and if it doesn’t then, well, I’ll just have to find somebody else. So don’t act all smug, you’re the one who is being unreasonable and stupid here. So will you do the movie or what?”

“If I do my price is going to go up.”

“How much?”

“$1,500 now.”

“That’s too much.”

“Too much for love?”

“Fine, whatever.”

“And I’m not getting naked, we can just fake that.”

“FINE! Whatever! God damn it.”

So they both agreed to deal with the other person and go through with the movie. Ava figured that she could just take the money and warn Avery about the movie, or destroy it before it came out, and the man figured that he  could just not pay the stuck up girl and add a whole new layer of reality to his film, his testament of true love. ———————————————————————————————————

As her parents sat by Avery’s bedside, hoping that she would wake up, a nurse stepped into the doorway to tell them that there was another visitor. A little surprised and confused, the father left the room to go and see who it was, but he quickly became angry, his face went from pale to red, when he saw that piece of shit standing there, arm slung in a cast, grin on his facing, saying, “I just want to see Avery, I hope that she’s okay.”

His first instinct was to punch the man in the face, just a clean blow that would hopefully dislodge a tooth, or maybe his wedding ring would get caught somewhere, maybe under the man’s eye, but he decided to hold back. What if he was kicked out of the hospital, then his daughter came to without him there? He’d never forgive himself for that, and he could just rough up the dirt bag at any time, so he decided to calmly and reasonably tell the man to “Get the fuck out of here, and never show your face here again, or I’ll tell the cops.”

Smiling, the man put his one hand up in a sign of peace, and tried to explain, “I’m sorry but I don’t know what I did wrong here, I just want to see Avery. Can’t a man see his fiance? Its pretty unreasonable for you to keep me outside, waiting and worrying, and what if she died in there, what if she-”

“What if she died in the accident, you bald prick, what about that?”

“Well that’s hardly-”

“Look here, you can fucking bet that I will do everything to ensure that my daughter never marries you, you son of a bitch, and there is no way in hell that I’m going to let you anywhere near her as long as I’m still alive. Now if you-”

Turning to the nurse, “How is this fair? Why are you allowing him to-”

Not wanting to put up with this shit, the nurse firmly said, “Keep me out of this”, and then walked away. She had other patients to deal with.

Fed up, the man tried to force his way past the father, who turned out to be much stronger than the guy and did not budge at all. “Fuck this, this is bullshit”, the man shouted, and decided to march off and leave, deciding that he would figure out some other plan later, hoping that if Avery woke up, her parents wouldn’t fill her head with lies. As he was leaving, a nurse walked by him holding a small, paper cup with pills inside, and the man snatched them from her, downed them all, dry, and then shouted “I hope these kill me, I could never live in a world without her!” Eventually security came after him, then he actually left.

The nurse walked past the dad, upset that she had to get a refill, telling herself, “I can’t believe he would inconvenience me like that. Melodramatic jerk. At least he’s going to piss like crazy now. That will show him from snatching shit from me, making my job that much harder than it already is.” ———————————————————————————————————

Avery finally had enough, she was ready to leave, and nothing was going to stop her. Already having her stuff prepacked, stuffed into two large suitcases, just the essentials, she searched around the house for the spot where she hid all of her extra money, and her second set of car keys, waiting for this moment. When they were in her possession, she didn’t want to waste any time, who knows how long he was going to be out, so she grabbed her suit cases, and bolted for the front door. However, when she opened the door she was dismayed to find that he had been standing there, almost black out drunk, trying to figure out why she had the suitcases.

“Are, are you leaving me?” It was more of a threat than a question. “Do you think, do you not know what I do, every day, what I provide for you?”

“No, no, you’re just a little drunk, you’re just-” and then the first blow of that night came as he didn’t waste any time, and lodged a fist right in her gut, making sure to knock the wind out of her.

“Do you think I’m stupid? You think that, don’t you? You think I wouldn’t, do you think I couldn’t tell that you try to-”

“Honey, please-”

“Shut up! Let me think. Now, if you want to go, I can take you there. We’ll go together. Alright? I’m your fiance, aren’t I? Do you think you can just leave me, after all I, the things I did for you? Do you know how many women I didn’t sleep with, just because I loved you? Do you know how much it hurts to love you?” Sometimes if she went limp and quiet, he would get bored and leave her alone, but it wasn’t one of those times. “Do you know how much it hurts?” Then he stomped down onto her rib cage with enough force to fracture a rib. “Lets go, we’re leaving, together.”

Holding back tears, “Please, no, honey, you’re drunk, you can’t-”

He picked her up and threw her into the coffee table. “Don’t you tell me what I can’t do! Now get your shit, and get in the car!”

Feeling like she had no choice, feeling defeated, she grabbed her bags and marched in front of him, so that he could watch her, and got into the passenger seat of the car. Having some trouble, he got into the driver’s seat, started up the shitty, tan sedan, and began to leave the driveway, destination unknown. Avery hoped that they would stop at a red light in a crowded part of town, so she could jump out and try to escape, but she was unlucky enough for them to hit every green light, she was unlucky for no cops to be nearby to pull them over.

Taking her attempt to leave as the ultimate form of betrayal, her fiance decided that he was going to drive her out to an open field somewhere so that he could shoot her, and then shoot himself. It was a gesture, in his mind, of love and hate. Luckily for Avery, before they got to the field the abusive drunk ran a red light, and their car was hit by a pickup truck.